[{"question": "why did my pediatrician not tell me my tsh was elevated?", "description": "i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 19 (tsh at the time 10.6) and now i'm on 50 mcg of levothyroxine, with no symptoms and normal tsh. i recently dug up a few pediatric tests and they included tsh at: 4.5 age 11, 5.1 age 12, 4.5 age 13, 5 age 16. there was another test at age 14 that didn't include it and i didn't go to the checkup at age 15. the last one also included free t4 at 1.61. at the time i had anorexia and was mildly emaciated bmi ~15 every time and height about the ~60th percentile iirc although i haven't been able to find those records. i looked up reference ranges for pediatric tsh and apparently mine was around 97.5th percentile (WEBLINK) plus there's an inverse correlation between weight and tsh (WEBLINK) and since hypothyroidism is present in 1 to 2% of people (WEBLINK) i feel like given the information available at the time you could reasonably conclude that my lifetime risk of having hypothyroidism was high. my diagnosis was difficult as well because i thought my symptoms were due to underweight. the tests also included a complete hemogram, glucose, lipidogram, electrolytes and a few others that were unremarkable except for high cholesterol. ", "answer": "it's impossible for us to know a why from another doctor years ago. all of those tsh values are just on the upper edge, and the one included t4 is within normal range, so it's possible the decision was to keep an eye on it, which is what happened. in addition, anorexia causes all kinds of hypothalamic-pituitary axis dysfunction, and a bmi of 15 isn't \"mildly\" anything\u2014that is on the border between the diagnostic categories of severe and extreme anorexia nervosa. the hope may have been that normalizing your weight would also normalize your thyroid function.  in any case, it seems that when your tsh rose to a definitely diagnostic level, you were diagnosed and treated. other pediatricians might have pursued hypothyrodism more aggressively, but i don't think there's any clear indication that that would be a better medical approach.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ajd6pd", "comment_id": "ajd6pd"}, {"question": "almost a month... i think pink cloud is fading?", "description": "hi everyone.   i have almost gone a month without drinking, which is the longest stretch of sobriety since i can remember.   anyway, i have suffered from anxiety and depression for many many years and since i stopped drinking a lot of those things went away, but for the past two days i have really started to feel down. is this the pink cloud going away? what do you guys do to get through this... i don't feel like leaving the house for the past couple of days and just want to sit around and eat junk food and watch mindless tv and surf the internet (definitely what i do when i get depressed).   maybe i'm looking for advice or commiseration or just support. this forum is my main outlet and resource, and has helped me more than a lot of other things i've tried. thank you for reading this!", "answer": "i actually just posted about this yesterday, and i had no idea it was called \"pink cloud\".  i am 37 days in - for the first few weeks i felt so great, but for the past couple of weeks i've been feeling cranky/sad off and on.  so we are in the same boat!  so far, my hypothesis is that my cranky/sad feelings are related to boredom/frustration.  i don't know yet what i should replace drinking with, so i try to think of things, then they all seem pointless or lame, and i get frustrated, and i start thinking \"what the fuck am i going to do with myself for the rest of my life on friday/saturday night?\"  then the frustration turns to sadness that my world is changing.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cye59i", "comment_id": "cye59i"}, {"question": "some advice needed for a girlfriend who has avoided to come over for lunch/dinner", "description": "i have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. our families are slightly different she lives only with her mother and i live with both my parents. about 2 years ago my girlfriend's grandmother had passed, so her family unit had become significantly smaller. having said that, my girlfriend and her mother had avoided celebrating christmas last year.  for obvious reasons i didn't want to force my girlfriend to come over for christmas, so (3 days prior) i just wanted to give her options: come over for either lunch or dinner, or i can come to her house for lunch. i received a response on christmas day where she messaged me that she'd rather come over on the following day (dec 26th).  i know that the value that she places on christmas is not the same as mine. so, i did go against her wishes and came over and dropped off her gift. we ended up going for a christmas lunch.   i feel like i'm in a really weird spot because i want to spend christmas with her, but i don't want to come off as being unsympathetic towards the loss of her grandmother.   how do i handle the situation?", "answer": "if your rel. is solid, i wouldn't stress about it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kdmsb", "comment_id": "5kdmsb"}, {"question": "i'm starting to feel like reality is slipping.", "description": "this is just a rant. i feel like the lines between my dreams and what's real is starting to slip. a few years ago i was bored and alone, so i starting talking to myself. eventually i realized that \"myself\" seemed a bit too different from myself, and when i asked his name he replied that he was simon uekami. i didn't really think much of him, and since he was helpful for fighting off boredom and making decisions, i liked him quite a bit too. ever since i started doodling him into my diary, i'd start to see him around too, but i could still easily tell he was unreal. besides, to speak he needed to use my mouth.  but then on a test two years after his \"birth\", i was stuck on a problem on an english test. it was asking me who told me about how to solve it. since there was barely a minute left, i randomly came up with the name of \"eisuke saitou\". after the test, i saw him floating off the ceiling, telling me that he was the brand new voice in my head.  i have a habit of lying all the time. i used to think that i was the greatest person on earth, the smartest, a bit on the handsome side, better than average at sports and crap. after seeing hard evidence that it wasn't the case (bullied, kicked from school, many failures). i realized i was actually a shit human being who looked \"okay\" at best, sucked at sports, and was a bit smarter than average but not by much. so i set that as my goal, and started lying all the time that i was still the greatest. i figured that if i gave everyone false expectations, i'll work until they were fulfilled. a self fulfilling prophecy. it worked, to an extent. but then i started lying about the most basic things, like how the graphite dots in my skin were a result of being bullied. i was actually stabbing them myself.  i lied to myself too, because i learned of the concept of \"false memories\". if i lie to myself frequently, i'd start believing them. because of that, my most often told stories probably aren't true. to prevent anyone from ever finding out about the lies, i became paranoid in many ways, hating ever being touched, telling people my legal name, and even the general direction of where i lived.  i kept a diary to separate fact from fiction, but it started failing me when i tried to implement the lies i told myself in there too. simon and eisuke never let me forget that these lies are lies, but now i feel like they're telling me sometimes that the truth is a lie as well.   i tried to hug my girlfriend yesterday, but right when i was about to, i stopped. i realized that she wasn't my girlfriend, it was just something i'd dreamed about a week ago. until the very end, eisuke had been encouraging me. when i confronted him about it, he giggled and told me that he'd told me a lie.  i have to check and triple check all the time with people of who they are and their relationship with me, and whether i've met them before or not. but i catch myself doubting even them sometimes too. if i'm listening to some dramatic music when i'm talking to them, even if they're smiling, it feels like they're about to accuse me of something. simon and eisuke are looking more and more corporeal too.   they still tell me that yes, they don't exist and they're just a part of my imagination. but when i do something out of character (be overtly excited, be cold and indifferent) i can't feel but think that i'm being influenced by them.  i'm losing my grip on reality, or am i just lying myself that that is the case? what if i'm not losing it, and i'm just saying so to be a drama queen? whatever it is, the only thing i can think of is to keep lying that everything is fine (invalidating this post), and keep saying that i'm one of the greatest losers.", "answer": "sounds like you should find a psychiatrist that does talk therapy, they could help you with the blurring of reality and non-reality", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7hcf3l", "comment_id": "7hcf3l"}, {"question": "ssri w/ adderall?", "description": "i don't typically post on reddit so i apologize if the formatting is off. and if this cannot be reasonably answered here i understand, i also understand that it isn't a substitute for my providers instructions on the matter.  medical information: 28/m/6'0\"/170lbs \\-\\- no history of high blood pressure, cholesterol etc.  i've been prescribed adderall for the last 8 years or so and was recently prescribed zoloft from the same psychiatrist. unfortunately having the same psychiatrist for nearly a decade for my add made me slightly too relaxed and i don't recall if i was told to take this in the morning or at night. he is also unreachable for the next five days or so while attending his daughters graduation.  it's certainly not urgent that i begin taking this immediately and should the advice be to simply wait and confirm i can accept that. but barring that i have two questions;  1. is their a real threat \\(read: cause for hesitation\\) of serotonin\\-syndrome from 100mg of zoloft with 40mg ir of adderall if taken at the same time? 2. is their any notable difference between taking zoloft in the morning or at night in regards to either medications effectiveness?", "answer": "it's very unlikely to cause serotonin syndrome. it's not impossible\u2014in medicine very little is impossible\u2014but that's a combination i've seen plenty without problems.  there's no particular reason to take zoloft in the morning or at night; it should last you a day. some people find it a little bit sedating, and then it should be at night. a smaller number find it makes them a little bit restless and it's hard to sleep, and then take it in the day. otherwise the important thing is to take it when it's easiest for you to remember.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8fsc3w", "comment_id": "8fsc3w"}, {"question": "advice?!?! am i too sensitive?", "description": "i've been dating a guy for about 9 months, he's a pretty good guy most of the time.  here's my issue-  i started noticing that after i spent time w him i'd feel bad about myself.  i couldn't figure out why-  i started really focusing on it & realized that my boyfriend teases me a lot.  not the fun flirty goofing around kinda flirt.  it's like  every time i would say something that wasn't correct, mispronounce a word, or even do something wrong he would pounce on it.  he'll laugh so hard like it's the funniest thing ever, then tell me awe you're so funny or you're such a dork.  at first i didn't care i laughed and teased about it too like lol i'm a bit of an airhead.  but now it's like gosh it's really not that funny.  anyways so after he's done laughing he goes on to explain to me why i was wrong, \"teaches\" me the correct pronunciation or technique  and then explains where he learned all about whatever it is we are talking about or doing.  i just sit there quietly obviously not laughing he'll laugh and say i'm just teasing or giving u a hard time or say i better stop i don't want u to get mad at me.  i honestly don't get mad it just makes me feel bad.   i am very sensitive.  so my question is am i being too sensitive or would this be upsetting to other people?   ", "answer": "he's not being nice. he's patronizing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qttar", "comment_id": "6qttar"}, {"question": "i'm (24f) not sure what to do about my (21m) fwb/friend.", "description": "warning for a wall of text:  i've been friends with \"matt\" for over 10 years now. back in high school matt and i had feelings for one another, but neither one of us admitted it. the age gap (3 years with me being older) didn't help things and it just wasn't going to happen with me going to college in the fall. we remained friends and dated other people, but lost contact for about a year.  fast forward to about 2.5 years ago in the summer and i saw matt again while he was working his summer job. we said we would find time to hang out, but it never happened. the following summer i realized this and contacted him again with specific plans to hang out. he immediately accepted and we hung out at my house. it was obvious the old feelings were coming back. we watched a movie and had pizza. the following week he bought me dinner and we went back to his house. we made out and matt admitted having feelings back in high school. he asked me if i had feelings back in high school and i said no. i'm not sure why i didn't tell the truth, but i guess i was nervous because of the age difference back then.  the next couple of weeks were great. matt and i went to the movies, held hands, and talked often. i was talking with a mutual (male) friend \"rob\" one day and said how i really felt this was going to turn into a relationship. things got awkward then and the rob started saying that matt wasn't interested in a relationship to his knowledge. i became extremely upset, but never addressed this and matt didn't either. matt was a bit distant after that, but we continued these dates and began having sex until august when we both went back to school.   i figured rob was right the entire time and while i was hurt i accepted that we were just friends. matt dated someone else for about a month during fall semester while i focused on school. in december we reconnected and started hanging out and having sex again until he went back to school. everything became long distance then (matt goes to school 4 hours away) and we continued to talk and began sexting a lot. i was content and didn't feel the need for a relationship.   this past summer we continued to hang out and have sex without defining the relationship. things fizzled out when matt went back to school and i started a full-time job. i was sad again, but i figured it ran it's course. matt dated a few people but those relationships fizzled out by october.   we reconnected again in november though with our holiday schedules we couldn't see each other before he went back to school (his school has a very short winter break). we've still been talking a lot and resumed the sexting, which we both enjoy, but this past week i feel that matt has been distant again (we last spoke on saturday) and i'm afraid it's fizzling out again.   i texted him today and asked if he was bored of things and to let me know if this was the case and that i didn't mean this in an offensive way. so far i haven't had a reply. i'm going to give him a chance to answer but i feel that i could have made things awkward if he wasn't bored. i feel as though if matt and i lived closer to one another he would be more inclined to a relationship, but with the distance i feel that it's hard.  the other thing i've been struggling with is that i have feelings again. i was working up the courage to tell him and talk about it about a week ago and then i felt things get distant.   i'm not sure what to do now. i want to give matt space and time to reply to me, but i also want to tell him how i feel. matt doesn't use a lot of social media and with the amount of things i need to get out and the fact that he's 4 hours away leaves me limited to an e-mail. i want to remain friend with matt if possible even if he doesn't feel the same. i just don't know how to approach this.  (also as an added note matt and i have always had safe sex and we've both been std checked recently.)", "answer": "just be verbally direct and ask him to do the same.  you need definition....always.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oeud0", "comment_id": "5oeud0"}, {"question": "i want to be beaten ...", "description": "so i\u2019m not looking for relationship advice\u2014 i\u2019m just looking for insight or better understanding as to why do i have this sick craving to be hurt sometimes? ...  first of all, please please don\u2019t be cruel in your comments on here. i\u2019m so broken and shattered i just can\u2019t take any more. it would take hours of reading to know all that i\u2019ve been dealing with and how much hurt i\u2019ve endured over the years, so please don\u2019t kick me while i\u2019m down. i am earnestly seeking help and understanding in hopes to find a path to some sort of healing.  i have this sick urge to be beaten. severely injured. when i was 12 yrs old i hit myself so hard i left bruises. i sought out relationships that mistreated me, and i antagonize the situation until they hurt me (mostly verbal, but some physical). and then i feel a sense of release... it\u2019s complicated because i also feel scared and guilty for knowing i deserved it, but i\u2019m terrified that i actually want them to lose it on me. i hate myself. i\u2019ve clawed my own face, hit my head until i nearly black out, bruised my body, and pushed buttons with the wrong people until they snap and end up injuring me. don\u2019t get me wrong, i do avoid these situations most of the time, and i\u2019m actually very non-confrontational. but when the pain gets too much, i always end up reaching a point that i want someone to lose control and beat the shit out of me. then i get scared when they do lose control, but it\u2019s too late. and the pain actually feels good... i know how sick this is! but the humiliation of knowing that only makes it worse. why am i so sick?", "answer": "snooped and saw your other post which asks about things in texas. i know it\u2019s a massive state, but perhaps there\u2019s someone close-ish to whatever city/town you\u2019re in. [sex therapists in texas](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fhbb4k", "comment_id": "fhbb4k"}, {"question": "i need advice", "description": "me(17) and my ex(18) had a daughter last year. we were together for 2 years. during that time i was being mentally abused to the point where i was seriously depressed. i got better along the way. last week he dumped me (he's done this many of times before) he told me he wanted a break and that he still loves me. recently i have been gaining friends and trying to forget about him. he's become very abusive to the point where he came to my house wanting to beat up my guy friend. in the past he did hit me once but i brushed that off. he then gets his ex to message me spiteful things \"you shouldn't have a daughter\" \"your a f**** joke\" ect..  i'm very scared that he may take my daughter from me as we both have equal custody. he is not a very good dad honestly. he dosnt buy her food, have her over night, has her less than an hour, dosnt buy her toys clothes. he puts plans on top of our daughter so he can go meet his \"friends\". so my question is.. is it wrong to fight for full custody? i would never ever stop my daughter from seeing her dad but at this point abusing me and giving out my number and being disrespectful to me.. i'm very scared for my daughter.", "answer": "he hits and threatens you and doesn\u2019t actually want to do the work of parenting.   do you want someone to hit and threaten you in front of your daughter?  do you want someone in her life who may hit and threaten her?  yes, work as hard as possible to get full custody. post in r/legaladvice. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72yy3r", "comment_id": "72yy3r"}, {"question": "pcos with regular cycles?", "description": "hello! i was told last year by my doctor that based on my blood tests- i had wonky lh to fsh ratios-, increasing facial hair and thinning hair on my crown, that i most likely had pcos. she wouldn\u2019t perform an ultrasound as she told me it might not prove anything anyway as some people don\u2019t present with cysts.   here\u2019s the deal- even though i have a slew of other symptoms, my periods are regular, my testosterone is normal and i ovulate regularly. i know that this is not typical with a pcos diagnosis, so i\u2019m wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed while not experiencing irregularity? is it possible i am misdiagnosed? ", "answer": "the pcos diagnosis is broad. typically, other adrenal, hormonal and thyroid conditions should be ruled out first before arriving at it, but you probably still qualify per your description. did they check your glucose / a1cs? i think women within normal weight ranges can still be insulin resistant.   as an aside, my understanding is that the bowel issues with luteal and menstrual phases come with excess estrogen or an out of whack estrogen progesterone ratio. instead of just your uterus cramping, it also sends messages to your digestive tract to cramp too. i\u2019ve read that supplementing with flax can be good  for this (i follow the flo living protocol).", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "8qgdi8", "comment_id": "8qgdi8"}, {"question": "anyone else just really like pacing?", "description": "tends to make others nervous, so i generally try to keep my distance from people when i do do it but when i\u2019m lost in thought i much prefer to pace rather than sit still but others often seem to misjudge this action and think i\u2019m annoyed or anxious when i do this for some reason.", "answer": "i believe what you are doing is self-regulating through movement, which stimulates the sympathetic nervous system.  rocking provides a similar relief, engaging our bodies safety systems.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ewekjc", "comment_id": "ewekjc"}, {"question": "posting on reddit gives me anxiety - so this is me fighting that anxiety", "description": "i have been a lurker on reddit, and many other sites on the internet for many years now. it took me years until i could even bring myself to make a reddit account (and other accounts.) however, i could not bring myself to post anything or any comments no matter how badly i wanted to. in the past, i have posted a few things when i had been feeling brave enough to overcome my anxiety, but i always go back into hiding.  the internet, and reddit, is supposed to offer a free medium for people to freely express and share their ideas, creations, thoughts, and opinions. despite amazing, silly, and positive things happening on reddit everyday, on social media there is social pressure. people wishing to get validation from others (karma, gold, upvotes, etc.) trolls, negativity, people fighting for the top comment or post. before i even wrote this i researched and found several older /r/anxiety posts about the same topic, and even a whole article describing how i felt.  even though i tell myself that i don't care about validation from others, that i don't care about what others think or being judged, i still get anxiety. in the back of my mind, i still have fear that whatever i have to say or do is not worth expressing. that someone has said it before, or that its unoriginal, or that it simply isn't good enough. that all of my thoughts are invalid. and because of that i shouldn't even try. better nothing than a negative outcome.  on top of subconsciously fearing others, i fear myself. that whatever i have to say will never be perfect enough or amount to enough. that my high expectations will never be met anyway so why even try. all throughout my school life, i have also struggled to complete anything (anything that involves writing or artistic projects) because of anxiety. it was either 100% or 0%. which was not a healthy way of doing anything.  this post in itself is being written and re-written for weeks now.  but at the moment, i am writing this post to try to battle those thoughts in my head. something, anything, is better than nothing. this post is to tell my anxiety that it doesn't matter who reads this post or how i write it, just the fact that i did it. that it doesn't matter if what i write or do is perfect, or the best or the worst, or way too long, but that it exists. and that my thoughts are valid because they exist.  as long as am i alive, i am going to keep trying to find the courage to express myself and allow those thoughts to exist. reddit is just one small way of doing so.    ", "answer": "way to stray into your yellow zone! ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "6okkl2", "comment_id": "6okkl2"}, {"question": "even the briefest moment of respite can feel orgasmic", "description": "i've gotten so used to what feels like perpetually building pressure and weight in my chest, with the twisting and squeezing sensations, that when i do experience a brief moment of _not_ feeling that way (not feeling good, just not feeling _that_ way), the contrast is ecstasy. never seems to last for more than a few minutes before i'm taken all the way back down, but those times are glorious. you know? do you know?", "answer": "those times are what inspire me to keep working and maintaining so that i can increase their number.  even if i only can take one step at a time, that's still one step forward, you know?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yv6j0", "comment_id": "yv6j0"}, {"question": "how to *painlessly* ghost someone?", "description": "so lately i started talking more with someone i've been friends with for quite some time and... she's not a person i'd like to be friends with. don't get me wrong, she's a great person but we're just too different, and that makes me wish things went back to how they were, texting every other month and that's it, but i don't feel comfortable getting closer than that.  any suggestions?", "answer": "ghosting is just so painful. is there any way you could just communicate: hey i\u2019m  really busy these next couple of months and i may not have a lot of time to reply back/devote to friendships. that way you kind of give a heads up that you\u2019ll be fading out. and then ideally you can just continue the fade.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "hb2h9n", "comment_id": "hb2h9n"}, {"question": "can mild alcohol consumption reduce snri withdrawal symptoms?", "description": "it's an odd question... i ordered a refill for my venlafaxine snri today but to my surprise it won't be ready until tomorrow. with my bad judgement, yesterday evening was my last dose and i'm out of the stuff (it's now today's evening). i know that i personally can get at least nausea from withdrawal from this stuff within 12 hours of missing a dose.  i've been off alcohol while on the med. knowing that alcohol basically 'enhances' the effect of this and many drugs in your bloodstream... would having let's say 2 beers (nowhere near enough to get loopy and sick) 'bring the med back', per se, enough so to reduce the potential withdrawal symptoms?  demographics: age 24, male, 171lbs, 6'1\"  meds i take: venlafaxine er 75mg - 2 months & 3 days  drink/smoke status: no drink, no smoke, no drugs, no marijuana  recent medical 'episodes': none", "answer": ">knowing that alcohol basically 'enhances' the effect of this and many drugs in your bloodstream  that's not how alcohol works or what it does.  no, there is no reason to expect alcohol to help.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "drpiud", "comment_id": "drpiud"}, {"question": "psychiatrist asked me yesterday if i cared whether or not i had emotionally connections with other people. wanted to know how everyone else felt?", "description": "i said i did know. i think yes, but also no because it was so easy to act. i also want to get married and have children though so maybe at least with them. ", "answer": "we all need and crave emotional connection", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "31au66", "comment_id": "31au66"}, {"question": "frustrated", "description": "i have bad social anxiety and part of it is from being nervous that i'll come off as annoying   i'm homeschooled due to my issues with learning (adhd) and other mental problems (anxiety, depression, sensory issues and ptsd) but my social anxiety is a big part of it.  i hate talking to kids my age and gosh my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour just writing this.  the point is, how can i convince myself i'm not annoying or stop certain things that may seem annoying? cope?  i always ramble about things and end up getting spoken over, mainly by my family. it's become a habit for my sister to tell me to shut up. (she has the same issues as well minus the sensory problems, unless she just hasn't been diagnosed)  plus i'm homeschooled so with friends it's all online and once i've just completely been shut out of the conversation i just leave or watch.   the only friend i have is my best friend alister and even once i've ghosted him for four months we continue talking.   my psychiatrist is horrible and she still hasn't gotten me a therapist after i've asked a million times, even when we're in a session she ignores me and asks my mom how she feels about my problems.  i trust my mom but shes very extroverted and always says things along the lines of how she doesnt understand what bothers my sister and i so much.   my sister is very judgemental (in my eyes) and can't really help me out, since my mom is so protective (due to personal fears of hers) my sister even at 19 can't give me advice on how to be more social and calm down since she can't either. we can't leave the house due to me not being old enough to just wander alone and my sister not having a car yet. we went to pride last year and it was horrible just getting across the street.  while my vyvanse helped a great deal, i am very sensitive to side effects and the mood changes are mentally exhausting, plus i can't keep taking them on time since its screws up my sleep schedule so badly and the result is the side effects coming back full force. i've even almost completely lost my appetite because of it, which as you would imagine is very scary.  i cant leave and socialize since my mom and brother in law are always at work and my sister doesnt own a car. i've always wanted to skateboard but it's not safe for me to just skateboard around my apartment complex.  help a desperate thirteen year old?   p.s   sorry my writing is all over the place.  p.s.s   i have combined type, my hyperactivity and inattentive-ness? are equally bad though i do walk around my house all day with only a few times i sit down to draw or play games sadly never homework cause i have a breakdown just trying but i'm working on that.  my sister also has combined type though i don't know anything about her experience.", "answer": "what this dude said^  i like the idea of going to the library :) and i agree getting out would be helpful! feel free to dm if you ever want. i'm sorry i cant help more but know you aren't alone and things suck as a teenager with mental health stuff going on but it gets better. i promise! just keep going!", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "aji4z5", "comment_id": "aji4z5"}, {"question": "boyfriend [30/m] is newly obsessed with polyamory and seems to want to have open relationship. i [28/f] don't. what do i do?", "description": "my boyfriend (30m) and i (28f) have been together a little over a year, and just recently we have taken the step of moving in together (almost 1 month ago). our relationship is really good, very few arguments and good sex, so all in all we've both been really happy.    i took him away a few weeks ago for his birthday for a cool and slightly romantic weekend away, and he chose a moment in bed to ask whether i would ever consider a threesome or an open relationship (etc.), to which i had a few joke responses, but i soon realised he was serious and told him that actually it would be a deal-breaker for me. we had a bit of an argument about it, with me being pitted against him as being narrow minded/ him being hurtful asking me on a romantic evening, and when i asked him outright if he wanted an open relationship he said no. in the morning i thought the subject had been dropped and i put it down to him just wanting to fight or being a bit tactless.    however, since then he's been mentioning open relationships a few times since and commenting about how monogamy is a social construct, and he's watching a tv series and reading a book where the central theme is polyamory, and it's making me really worry that he's polyamorous and now wants to explore that.    it seems really unlikely because he's slightly jealous as a person (as am i!) and often reacts negatively to news of friends being cheated on/cheating on their other halves or people flirting when they have a partner... however a lot of his friends are in their very early twenties, and a girl he used to really fancy is in an open relationship, so i wonder if that's been an influence? additionally he's at a bit of a loose end at the moment, he has no real career direction and is unhappy with his restaurant waiting job, so i am wondering if it's some strange upshot of that?    i am not narrow minded about polyamory but i know that i would not want that at all - no matter who i was with. i want children and a tight family unit, and i am completely unwilling to share any element of that with other people - sexual or otherwise, but there seems very little support for people leaving a relationship because of that. everything online is about \"adapting\" and putting up with it, there's very little saying \"it's ok not to want that and to leave because of that\".    i know who i am just as much as he knows himself, and i'm not against trying it because i don't love him enough - i just know it would really hurt me and i can't put myself through that.    i just have no idea what to do. i worry that if i say to him \"we need to break up if this is what you really want because it's not something i want\" then he'll just lie to me and himself to keep me, and it'll all fail in the end anyway. he seems obsessed with the topic now. help!     tldr; unsure if boyfriend's new obsession with polyamory is sincere or a reaction to current life situation, it's a deal breaker for me if it's sincere, unsure of next step. ", "answer": "the rel. will end if you're not on the same page. polyamory rarely works.  you have to have zero jealousy potential which few people have. don't let him pressure you. go with your gut.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tt2xz", "comment_id": "6tt2xz"}, {"question": "my fb news feed has been trigger central lately", "description": "i've had to remove several \"friends\" just to stop pictures showing up.  we used to be closer than we are now, so it doesn't really bother me that i won't be in contact with them any more.    i'd met him originally because we had similar interests.  it wasn't that surprising when i discovered he'd started going to the video game meets i'd be attending.  hell, maybe he did it to spite me.  i was warned not to tell anyone, or my life would be ruined, i'd never have a friend again.  maybe it was to show me that 3 years later i don't get the luxury of safety.    i never wanted to see his face again.  even hearing his name is too much.  but seeing those pictures pop up out of the blue felt like a knife to my chest.  i've improved in my ability to deal with triggers.  they're rarely expected.  but this was too much.  two nights in a row.    the face of the man who abused me terrifies me.  i've always refused to use \"my\", i never want to associate him with me using possessive pronouns.  i feel sick to my stomach.  i remember the pain like it was yesterday.  there's pressure, like i'm being crushed.  i'm so scared to close my eyes because the nightmares *always* come when i get badly triggered and i don't want to remember.  sometimes, i wish i wouldn't wake up from my sleep.  sometimes, i wish there was a way to erase the memories to i would never feel this way again.  i've cut before, and i hate myself for it, but times like this remind me how blissful it is to trade emotional pain for physical.  i won't do it, not right now, but there's a part of myself that wishes i'd give in.  it's 3am here.  i'll be booking myself in for an emergency counselling session as soon as it turns 9.  i won't see a therapist until 2pm at the earliest.  i don't know what to do until then.  it's easier in the day, people are awake and i have friends i can talk to.  at night i feel so alone, so scared i won't make it to see the next day.  i'll take anything.  kind words, advice, a distraction.  please, just help me make it.", "answer": "i'm sorry that you are struggling and having to go through this. i commend you for seeking help and finding someone to talk to y about this.  in the meantime i would suggest perhaps some guided meditation/.mindfulness audio guides-- you can find them on itunes. yoga or a brisk walk with some empowering music selections might help.  good luck. you are stronger than you know.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2gf7ox", "comment_id": "2gf7ox"}, {"question": "i have a dangerous case of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome.", "description": "* mid-twenties * male * ~110 lbs * white * duration: mostly severe in the past three days. * other issues: primary chronic insomnia * meds: zoloft and trazodone  i'm afraid that these \"brain zaps\" are going to put me in danger. i've been on zoloft for 3 years and i've tapered down to 25mg and i've tried to stop but it ends in constant brain zaps or \"skips\" that make me fall to the ground and hit things. i wish that i could have been warned about this syndrome, i probably wouldn't have taken it. what should i do? it only happens when i stop the 25mg and that's when it's a threat.", "answer": "sertraline isn't usually a difficult one to come off, so it's a shame you are suffering symptoms. furthermore i can't remember a time that ive had to prescribe such a small dose of sertraline, even in the elderly!  just persist - it'll settle down eventually.  ive said this on another thread - but i still find this (\"brain zaps\") a north american phenomenon that noone in the uk at least ever complains of even in direct questioning. there is a little bit of me that wonders if there is another explanation for this phenomenon.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5klgik", "comment_id": "5klgik"}, {"question": "got a boner in therapy", "description": "near the end of the therapy session, i was told that i was making progress which made me feel very happy and got a boner because of it.  i was really embarrassed and tried to hide it the best i could but i'm pretty sure it was obvious. the thing is i get boners all the time (even though i'm in my early 20s) so i thought that i was attracted to her (along with almost every girl who has given me attention).   after some thought i'm pretty sure i was attracted to the feeling of being acknowledged by a woman although i'm not sure if i wouldn't have gotten an erection if it had been from a man either.   i'm planning to bring it up in my next therapy session.      should i tell her to refer me to another therapist? ", "answer": "coming from a therapist's perspective, she didn't care, even if it was obvious.   that said, if you feel you should bring it up, do so. it's important to discuss any possible barriers to an optimal therapy experience. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43ir0w", "comment_id": "43ir0w"}, {"question": "what do you believe caused your emetophobia?", "description": "i recently have been spending a lot of time thinking about what may have caused my emetophobia.  i am 28 now and have had generalized anxiety disorder for as long as i can remember, which i have been in therapy for since i was 18.  i did see a school counselor since the age of 6 for anxiety as well, before that.  i don't know if gad came first or emet.  chicken or the egg.  it almost feels like it is on the tip of my tongue what caused it but i can't pin it down. or maybe it's a variety of things. i did have a very bad illness when i was in elementary school that lasted a week, so perhaps that was the traumatizing event. i also remember being sick in a public mall when i was little (maybe 4 or 5) and i distinctively remember my mom pulling me out of the mall sternly saying \"what happened in there?\" in regards to me being sick. (i also remembered thinking, \"i don't know, mom!  i didn't want it to happen!)  i also remember an incident early on in my childhood (2nd grade or so) where i didn't want to go to school for weeks because a child in my class had been sick.  finally, my mom had a very strict parenting style.  shove all problems under the rug and appear perfect type of perfectionism needed at all times.  i do believe this plays into my emetophobia because i don't like not being in control myself now, and being sick is my ultimate loss of control.  sorry for the musings.  i am just trying to make sense of it all.  how could anxiety, especially emetophobia, happen to me at such a young age?  is it all parenting? genetics? a mix?  does anyone know for sure what caused their phobia?", "answer": "i've had this phobia for as long as i can remember (i'm 22 now). i think part of it is related to my older sister having ibs and being lactose intolerant from a young age. we used to share a room as kids and she would tell me about how sick eating dairy made her. i distinctly remember her telling me that it sometimes made her throw up so hard that she passed out. likely she was just exaggerating, but that might have affected me. i also have a type a, anxiety-laden type of personality, though the general anxiety might be more of a result from the emetophobia.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "5lxmup", "comment_id": "5lxmup"}, {"question": "went to therapy for the first time. feel even worse now.", "description": "hi everyone, i have been struggling with anxiety and sadness for a while and decided to finally take the step and go talk to a psychologist. now, after the session, i feel way worse than before.  she asked me a lot of questions and it felt like she could see exactly how nervous i was. for some reason, i started understating my own symptoms. ''are you sad often?'' my anwer was: well, sometimes, but not that often (even though i cry myself to sleep like 60% of the time). i feel like i wasn't completely honest with her, and now i am afraid that that will lead to a misdiagnosis.   i am also overanalyzing the conversation way too much ''did i say bad things?'' ''i shouldn't have said...''.    i don't know what to do now. is it normal or should i contact her and tell her how i feel?", "answer": "i'm a therapist as well. i always tell first time clients that it's absolutely normal, and even expected, for them to feel worse after the first session. you just spent an hour talking about really tough personal shit to a total stranger. that can dredge up some pretty intense emotions. my general rule of thumb is that if you're not feeling better after about 8 sessions/2 months, then you may be better helped by a different therapist.   regarding the diagnosis - don't give that a second thought. in therapy the diagnosis exists almost solely to give to the insurance company; it doesn't affect treatment, as we usually treat the symptoms, not the \"diagnosis.\" for example - one person's depression may look completely different than another person's depression. a diagnosis is absolutely not one size fits all.   with all that being said, therapists know that clients will typically not be completely honest in the first session, or even the first few sessions. again, that's normal and even expected. however, after a few sessions, if you feel comfortable with your therapist, being completely honest with them is the only way to truly gain the most benefit from therapy. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5te3ni", "comment_id": "5te3ni"}, {"question": "why is not liking feminine things a symptom of aspergers for young girls?", "description": "i was reading up on symptoms and i saw this listed. it just seemed out of the blue and so different from the other symptoms to me. it\u2019s also one of the only ones that could be explained by numerous other things.   i was just curious if anybody knows why exactly this is a symptom? and is it a very common one?", "answer": "others have basically touched on it, but to put it slightly differently, nts, and especially nt females, are generally more conformist as a way of bonding/affiliating with each other and fitting in. people with asd are not so driven to affiliate and fit in socially and often don't pick up on how to do so even if they wanted to. so it's not so much that girls with asd don't like \"girly\" things, but they don't like things just because their friends do, while nts sort of automatically like the things that those around them like as a means of affiliation.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hmife8", "comment_id": "hmife8"}, {"question": "i [21m] met her [20f] online, but she is afraid of meeting in person any help?", "description": "little back story i suppose to start things off. i started talking to this girl awhile ago nothing serious not the kind of guy looking for a one night stand or anything so we just kinda started chatting. which turned into texting daily for a while the thought of meeting has come up and our schedules never seemed to match up.   fast forward to now we started chatting again recently our personalities still click really well, tons of laughing, flirting everything that seems like it would typically be heading to a date, there is still mutual physical attraction, but she confides in me that she is afraid to meet in person. not something casual not a date it scares her and she doesn't know why.    so i'm confused on what to do i still like this girl and think that something real could come of it, but is there something i can do to help her be comfortable enough to hang out/ go on a date, or do y'all think it is a lost cause and she just needs to move at her own pace without my interaction. thanks ", "answer": "you have to respect her pace and decide how patient you want to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptvb9", "comment_id": "5ptvb9"}, {"question": "irritablility and short temper.", "description": "its day one and i'm already having the problem of a short fuse. i never explode but i'm constantly at my peak of stress. any tips to help deal with stress?", "answer": "i feel you. today is my day one and i feel so angry. sad and anxious as well, but i\u2019m legitimately surprised at how angry i am", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "emvwkw", "comment_id": "emvwkw"}, {"question": "dad passed away", "description": "i\u2019m not really sure what to even say. i just found out my dad passed away tonight. he was like me, alcoholic. over the last couple of years we haven\u2019t really had much of a relationship as i focused my wife and my son, as well as my sobriety. it\u2019s heart breaking. 49 years old. he was kind of estranged from the family, my step mom had kicked him out because of his drinking about 2 years ago. he passed away a couple days ago alone, broken. nobody found him until today. this affliction is a powerful bastard.  i\u2019m heading up to be with the family and help arrange things. i\u2019m reminded today how thankful i am that i still have a chance at a better life. i\u2019m thankful that i am sober and i can lead my family through this. i\u2019m thankful that he\u2019s no longer in pain.   i won\u2019t drink with you tonight. ", "answer": "v sorry to hear of the death of your dad. his death sounds like a lonely place. im glad you have sobreity and your own family to help you through. by choosing this you are planning a better life for yourself, and this can be a gift to your father. take care. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8pqrfk", "comment_id": "8pqrfk"}, {"question": "is it 'normal' to feel worse after starting therapy?", "description": "i have been depressed the last 10 years or so,t i have had better and worse periods. i have just started going to a therapist to try to figure out why i have to stay in bed for 3-5 weeks 2-3 times every year. i don't wanna do that anymore!  any who, i have had three appointments so far, but i feel worse than ever and cry myself to sleep almost every night now. something i rarely did before. and the suicide thoughts and the lingering sensation that i am a complete failure at everything is the worst i have ever felt. almost overwhelming.  is this therapist completely off (i really like her and feel like i connect good with her) in what she is doing with my brain? or is this just 'normal' when first starting to go to therapy?", "answer": "when you start talking about and thinking about things you haven't dealt with, that underlie your depression, it can stir you up and make things feel worse before they start to get better.  i liken it to a wound that has healed improperly and is infected.  the doctor has to open it up and clean it -- which hurts like hell -- so it can re-heal properly.  the way you're feeling -- make sure you tell your therapist about it.  she needs to know how you're reacting so she can help you in the right ways.  you might want to give her a call before your next session and tell her what's going on.  source: i'm a trained psychotherapist (not licensed yet), i deal with depression myself, and i have had a lot of therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17cb25", "comment_id": "17cb25"}, {"question": "i'm hosting a game night and potluck with my friends, but none of them know each other. what are some games i can start with as fun ice breakers?", "description": "the title pretty much says it all. this saturday i'm hosting a party where there will be various ages between 20 and 35. i know all of these people, but most of them don't know anyone else who's going. what are some games, whether they are things i need to buy, things i can print out, or anything else that are fun games and will bring people out of their shells? this definitely does not have to be any drinking games, as i think we are slightly past the crazy party college phase.  any suggestions are completely welcome. attach links, attach rules, names of games, etc. thank you so much!!  tldr- it's in the title.", "answer": "although it is a drinking game, i've always enjoyed playing king's cup with folks in college.    WEBLINK)   i'm a big board game nerd and there are plenty of good ones for parties.  geek battle is a good nerdy trivia game.  secret hitler is a lot of fun in groups.     the board game i've probably played the most with folks at parties recently is codenames.  it's easy to learn and a lot of fun, and can get pretty competitive.     lastly, catchphrase is really fun.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zlkzk", "comment_id": "8zlkzk"}, {"question": "i just started a paper that is due in less than 5 hours.", "description": "tl;dr: got distracted looking through pinterest at miraculous fanart, now it's 4:30 and i probably won't go to bed. yay, me.  so, yeah, i have known about this paper since wednesday, but i got busy doing other things (mainly internet and netflix related). now, it's 4:30 am the day it is due, and i have been on the internet since 11:00. i have to wake up at 7:00 am. i'm probably going to end up watching netflix once i'm done with my paper, because otherwise, i'm not going to get up in time for class.  *sigh* just a rant. carry on with your day (or night, i guess). start your homework, if you haven't already. go to bed. do something more productive than reddit.  goodbye for now, everyone!", "answer": "since it is now over 5 hours ago since you posted i hope you were able to finish it okay!", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "635b91", "comment_id": "635b91"}, {"question": "mom is in a coma/ vegitative state..", "description": "age: 57 sex: f height: 5\"0 weight: 98lbs location: toronto, ontario  meds: high blood pressure, morphine for pain.  my mom had a bad fall down the stairs 10 days ago. she has been in the icu since then, minimal use of ventilator. she came in with double the alcohol limit in her system. at first docs thought she was just passed out from the alcohol in her system. after 24 hours she still did not wake up. just 2 days ago (7 days after injury) she opened her eyes. her right eye is fixed staring at her nose. her left eye is just looking around kind of pointlessly. her galscow coma scale has been at a 3 from the first day and now she is at a 5. the docs say she has minimal brain function and by monday we will have to make a decision to take her off the ventilator and either make her as comfortable as possible and wait till she passes. or we will have to find a long term care for her to go to. i just want to know how positive doctors can be that she wouldnt progress. our moms wishes were never to be on a ventilator and never have anyone take care of her. so we know what we would have to do. but how positive can they be that shes not getting better?", "answer": "that\u2019s a question that only the doctors there can answer. what happened? why do they expect what they expect? if she had a significant brain injury or bleed from the fall they may be able to give you a clear explanation.  i\u2019m sorry for what you and your family are going through. it\u2019s terrible.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cfo73i", "comment_id": "cfo73i"}, {"question": "abusive relationship?", "description": "hi,  my wife [40/f] and i [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.  i think i have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. a few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while i was driving over a trivial argument. this weekend, again while i was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.  i am not sure what to do, and i don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated.   thanks.", "answer": "she's totally abusive. if you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "72oba0"}, {"question": "aaron hernandez brain scan phot questions.", "description": "in [this](WEBLINK) article showcasing the brain scans of hernandez\u2019 brains, the doctor compares his brain to that of a normal 27 year old. what does a \u201cventricular enlargement\u201d and \u201catrophy of the fornix\u201d do/mean? does it lead to depression/cte/suicidal thoughts?", "answer": "the ventricles are fluid=filled spaces in the brain that provide cushioning and allow circulation of cerebrospinal fluid \\(csf\\). enlargement usually means general atrophy \\(shrinking\\) of the rest of the brain. \"atrophy of the fornix\" means that the structure of the brain called the fornix is smaller. it's a large, oddly\\-shaped thing that's hard to describe, and its function also isn't entirely clear, although it probably plays a role in some kinds of memory and possibly emotions.  we don't know on an anatomic level how depression or suicidal thoughts happen. cte is an observed phenomenon and syndrome, so you could say that these changes *are* cte, but what that means in practical terms isn't so clear.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8e4wrt", "comment_id": "8e4wrt"}, {"question": "getting a diagnosis without therapy?", "description": "is there any possible way to do that? i hate therapy with all of my heart, not to mention it's difficult in the situation i'm in to be able to get in to it. so i'm wondering if there's a way to just get a diagnosis and be over with it? i was diagnosed a few years back with severe anxiety and clinical depression, but i'd like to be checked again. i fear some more problems may have come about, and i'd like to know if it's just me self diagnosing or if it's an actual issue.", "answer": "you could (you would want to find a psychologist who does assessment , we do not treat the people we evaluate.) what would change for you ? how would this help ? the purpose of diagnostic assessment is to inform-- something.  treatment,  recommendations , and understanding of behavior, etc. if the purpose of the assessment is not useful /helpful , we likely won't do it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp80so", "comment_id": "fp80so"}, {"question": "how to be good at managing people ?", "description": "i have been the president of my school\u2019s event- organizing club and i just found out that there are people who talk shit about me behind my back. i treated them really well, i was not just their boss, i was also their friend, but sometimes i feel like that my words dont have weight and people just dont respect me enough. ", "answer": "with power comes great responsibility and often great headaches.  whenever you supervise others it's pretty much an inevitability that you're going to have people complain about you behind your back, no matter how good or bad of a job you're doing.     as far as managing people, you can either be their supervisor or you can be their friend.  you're not going to be able to be both successfully because of the difference in power dynamics.  a good \"boss\" can be friendly with those they supervise but there has to be a clear line of professionalism that doesn't get crossed by either party.     the problem with trying to be both a supervisor and friend is that at times you're likely going to have to assert yourself, lay down expectations, and if they aren't met, replace the person with someone who can and is willing to do the job.  if you do this with friends, you'll probably lose them as friends, but if they know that you're not willing to, they probably won't respect your leadership.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9bj1ud", "comment_id": "9bj1ud"}, {"question": "i distrust mental health professionals.", "description": "i have not been officially diagnosed with bpd but i am about 93% sure that this is what i'm dealing with. i want to seek help and get an official diagnosis but for a long time, i've hated psychiatrist and anything similar. i don't trust them. it stems back to when i was a senior in high school. that's when my depression went into overdrive. i would disassociate in the middle of class and end up just walking out. or sometimes i'd get so overwhelmed with emotions and the desire to die that i would walk out, find a secluded area in the school, sit on the floor, and just cry. no one knew this though. i was the happy girl who everyone wanted to be friends with. anyway, my english teacher was the only one who picked up on it. one day, she called me up to the front of class and whispered, \"are you ok?\" i laughed, smiled, and said. \"yeah!\" she looked at me, reached into her desk, and wrote me a slip and told me a room number to go to. confused, i went. turns out it was the school therapist/psychiatrist. i ended up talking to her often. she told me that whenever i felt overwhelmed, i could come to her office, so i did. every time i walked out of a class, i found myself knocking at her door. it was amazing, because i'm the kind who likes to suffer alone. i don't talk about my problems to anyone. if i do have bpd, it is definitely the quiet type. but here was this women who i could openly talk about my problems to without judgment. it was relieving and a huge weight off my shoulders. well, one day i decide to open up to her about my being suicidal. the conversation went well, she told me ways to cope. that was also the day she brought up her suspicions of me being either bipolar or having bpd. later that day, i go home, and i am greeted by my very pissed off mother who begins yelling at me. the psychiatrist called her and told her that we'd been talking, that i was suicidal and so on. i felt completely betrayed. looking back to it, i know that she was just doing her job. if a minor tells you they're suicidal, the wise thing to do is probably tell their parents right? well, i come from a culture that doesn't believe in mental health issues and depression. so my mom was angry. she felt that she's given her children everything so i had no reason to be depressed. i felt like crap because my mom was so disappointed and hurt that i was depressed. anyway, i got into a lot of trouble and since that day, i never went back to see that psychiatrist. i went back to keeping everything inside and bottling everything up. i will never forget what my mom told me when i was a kid. i was emotional all the time. she said, \"people don't always need to know how you're feeling. they don't need to know when you're sad. you see how many people love to be around me because i'm happy all the time?\" and that's what i learned. when you're happy, people love you. when you show anything else but that, people don't want anything to do with you. anyway, i haven't ever gotten the courage to see a psychiatrist again but at this point i know that i really need to. i just don't know how to get over my distrust/fear/hatred for them.", "answer": "if you threaten suicide, that's what happens. if you feel you want to hurt yourself or might hurt yourself, that's what needs to happen. if you don't believe that is a legitimate risk and you just kinda 'feel' that way, that will be the response because you cannot use suicide as a coping mechanism or a way to express yourself.  the way its set up, if your family does not believe in mental health, that's not culture so much as it is neglect. your mom can have her own tricks but you aren't your mom. and you have more emotional intelligence than her.   your individual needs outweigh cultural needs.   if you are fasting during ramadan most will admit they have taken a snack when they weren't supposed to. and those rules do not apply if you have health needs like diabetes. this is the same thing. you have mental illness, you need help and support. not tradition.", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "buvk9c", "comment_id": "buvk9c"}, {"question": "can we talk about dissociation?", "description": "i'm just wondering what other people's experiences with dissociation are, and if there are different types? personally, my way to dissociate is kind of an attempt to evoke/\"be\" stronger versions of myself (always male versions though - which i find interesting - i've no desire to be male irl, just in my head) when i'm under duress of some sort, usually pain or anxiety. is this unusual? my boyfriend, on the other hand, calls it dissociation when he kind of \"zones out\", he says his eyes glaze over and he stops doing anything or really thinking anything (also in times of stress). are we both correct in calling what we experience \"dissociation\"? what's your experience? i understand this is kind of a taboo/sensitive topic, i'm just now getting to the point where i can openly talk about it, but i'm desperately curious about it.   edit: thanks everyone for sharing, it's a fascinating subject. it's sounding to me like what i experience is different from \"normal\" dissociation somehow, and i'm going to investigate this further. ", "answer": "like what everyone else seems to be describing, when i experience intense feelings or have too much psychological arousal my head feels kind of buzzy like there's a bunch of static. it's hard to form thoughts or focus my gaze on anything and i stare off into space. my mind stops being able to form concrete thoughts. when it happens in an argument or a fight i tend to start responding to the raw emotions and it gets hard to stop myself from saying hurtful things as i no longer can acknowledge that there are other people that are not me.", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "2n0h7s", "comment_id": "2n0h7s"}, {"question": "having trouble with cbt", "description": "i've been doing cbt for a few weeks and i'm finding it is worsening my depression. for the most part, while i can come up with an adaptive response for most \"distortions\", i quickly see the adaptive response itself as a distortion. it seems like in order for reframing to work, you have to lie to yourself.   for example - i'm fat. i think people don't want me around because i'm fat. my adaptive response is - i choose to avoid people.  but that's not true! people have often treated me with contempt because of my weight. maybe as an adult people are better at hiding it, but there's a preponderance of evidence that show that people tend to look down on overweight people. i've stopped trying to socialize with people because i'm sick of the rejection.  it's not in my head. it's really happening.", "answer": "have you spoken to your therapist about this?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4dj630", "comment_id": "4dj630"}, {"question": "weedless in seattle", "description": "hey everybody, nice to meet you. i'm here because i did a google search for \"marijuana addiction\" and found this sub. i'm hoping i can discuss my issues here without being told that marijuana isn't addictive or that my addiction is purely mental, because neither of those is true or helpful.   i know firsthand that marijuana is addictive because i'm addicted to it to the point that it's ruining my life. when i smoke, i smoke all day every day--and i usually wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night and puff to go back to sleep. i lose interest in most activities besides smoking and half-paying-attention to netflix or playing games on my phone. toward the end of a bender i even stop working (i do house cleaning because it's a job i can do high, yet i still stop doing it when the addiction gets bad enough).    when i'm on a bender my weed habit costs me around $600 a month, sometimes more. i don't have $600 a month to spend on weed, so i stop paying my bills. it finally got so bad i had to move back in with my parents (to really drive home how pathetic this is, i'm forty-fucking-two years old.)   i've also developed a chronic cough and throat problems from burning my throat raw. i tried switching to a vaporizer because of this but i didn't get the same quality high i do from smoking out of a bong. i used to be in pretty good shape but i've put on probably 25 pounds due to the munchies and the general \"fuck-it\" attitude i get about everything. can't pay the bills? fuck it, getting high feels good. friends are slowly drifting away because i never go out anymore? fuck it, getting high feels good. craving mcdonald's even though i'm cultivating a pot-belly that makes me look 3 months pregnant? fuck it, getting high feels good, and when i'm high, i do not care about anything except getting high and feeling good. or good-ish, as my tolerance builds and it starts to be more about maintenance.  part of the reason i moved in with my parents, in addition to finances, is that i thought it would be harder to get high around them. but addicts find a way, don't they? about 2 months after i moved in with them i started smoking again--i just go park in a shopping mall parking lot where i'm one of a thousand cars and no one will notice me, and i'll get high until i know my parents have gone to bed.   for the past 10 years i've never been able to quit for more than about 3 months at a time. i think once i quit for 6 months, but there will always be some incident where i say \"oh just one puff,\" or someone has it at a party and i'm like \"i'll just smoke tonight at the party,\" but as any addict will tell you it's never \"just one.\" ever.   i'm posting today looking for some support to help me keep the fuck off the pot. i've actually been to a marijuana anonymous support group but it was awful and i can't go back. a room full of 30-40 people all reminiscing about how awesome it is to get high and play video games. the two times i went, i went directly to the dispensary afterward and got high and played video games.   a big part of my problem too is that i have depression and anxiety that are sometimes severe. i've tried antidepressants, diet, exercise, the only thing i've ever found that effectively removes the depression and anxiety is weed, which does it instantaneously. i can literally feel the peace wash over me and through my body when i smoke. so yeah, weed does do something good for me--at the expense of robbing me of everything else that makes life worth living--my home, my friends, my productivity, my pleasure at anything else besides getting high.   i hate that this is what i've turned my life into. and yet. i have my coat on and my keys in my pocket to head to the dispensary right now. i quit for the 800 trillionth time about 2 weeks ago, but jesus do i want to go get some. i'd say that want is hovering at around 85%. the fucker's in my head right now, \"just one puff--just get a $5 nug and smoke that and be done. come on, you know you want to. you know how good it'll feel. it's been a couple weeks since your sorry ass tried to 'quit' so that first hit's going to feel fucking amazing.\"  i know this is a little rambling. thank you for listening.  ", "answer": "hey there, fellow pacific northwesterner here. sorry to hear you had such a bad experience at the meeting you tried! i'm not in seattle but i know some folks in the seattle marijuana anonymous fellowship who are good people, i hope you'll consider trying out a different meeting because they are usually not like that! welcome and best of luck to you.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8gc5sc", "comment_id": "8gc5sc"}, {"question": "my mom's food has live maggots in it. what should i do?", "description": "i'm visiting my mom for christmas. she and her husband live like slobs; the compost bin was open when i got here and that's not an isolated incident. they also leave snack bags and boxes open or loosely \"sealed\" with clothespins, feet away from the compost. i've always been grossed out by this but i never saw any maggot until today. i had finished off a box of crackers when i noticed a maggot \"skin\" in the bag. i immediately dumped out the remainder of the bag into a sealable bag, and sure enough there's a live maggot with black spots on its head just hangin' out in there. i sealed it and left it on the counter. is there some organization i could/should call to report this? i looked up what to do when you've eaten maggots, and it says it's fine unless you get sick, but i've had a bad cold for a few months already and i take mediation that causes diarrhea and nausea. regardless, i'm more concerned with the squalor that the kitchen and pantry are in. these people prepare food every day on these counters and think cleaning it means wiping with a cold wash rag. they have an 18-year-old son living here and regularly host holiday parties here. i don't know how my mom will react to this, and anything i say to her husband is immediately interpreted as a threat. so if i can call someone they interpret as an appropriate authority who'll tell them/make them clean their shit up, i'd like to know who.  21, male, 6'1\", 250 lbs, caucasian, n/a, eastern missouri, long-term cold, escitalopram  edit: i guess it's also a good idea to ask about a recommended course of action regarding the maggot(s) i ate, since i'll have no way of knowing whether they're making me sick or if it's something else. i feel really nauseous right now but that's probably just from the conscious knowledge that i've eaten live maggots.", "answer": "with most behaviours, things only change if there are sufficient consequences to it. i don't know if threats of not coming home for christmas would make much different. i suspect that things might only change if/when they suffer significant health consequences to their lifestyle choice.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5k2ax5", "comment_id": "5k2ax5"}, {"question": "can i have medication for two things at once?", "description": "i have anxiety which i strongly believe is what caused me to be derealised (i'm in a constant derealised state). i also have depression but i've made a choice that if i can only have meds for one issue then i'll choose anxiety because it seems to have a bigger effect on my life than depression. any advice would be really awesome :3", "answer": "one of the major classes of anti-depressants, ssris, can be quite effective for anxiety symptoms, too, so that may knock out two birds with one stone! but like the previous person said, a lot of psychiatrists are happy to prescribe an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety! i believe they will frequently do that in the case of someone who has panic attacks. some anti-anxiety drugs are addictive, so they can only be taken on an as-needed basis.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "73ocgv", "comment_id": "73ocgv"}, {"question": "friend thinks ptsd is a choice", "description": "hi everyone! i do not mean to be rude in any way, more asking for help. i have a close friend whom i've known for a while. recently we got into an argument and he said that we are in control of how we react to events and that basically having ptsd is a choice. meaning the person had an opportunity not to get it if they are not strong enough. i think it's a complete bs obviously but since i dont have a degree in psychology or experience with it, i wanted to write here for support. thank you!", "answer": "psychologist here. your friend is ignorant.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "hpsmv1", "comment_id": "hpsmv1"}, {"question": "are vitamin iv drips useful?", "description": "   * age  52 * sex  f * height  5'8\" * weight 180 (goal weight 150) * race w  * duration of complaint: several weeks * location (geographic and on body):  whole body * any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none * current medications (if any)\"cholesteral meds and reflux  * include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)  just had in depth comprehensive whole body medical tests and other than needing to lose some weight everything is functioning in excellent levels and no real issues that aren't age related. (some arthritis in knee from surgery)     i give myself vit b12 shots.  i cannot take nsaids.  i am likely dehydrated at lot of the time.       do the ivs offer by various lounges do anything other than have a placebo effect?    i've tried it twice and the first time i felt much better.  the 2nd time i wasn't sure if i noticed any difference.    i'm just worn down.  wake up feeling dehydrated.    i am dieting (no sugar, no processed carbs, no potato or pasta, portion control)  logging food but only lost 6 pounds in 3 1/2 weeks.  i am exercising (walking 5-6 miles 5-6 times a week and a bit of yoga and pilates)   so -- would it be worthwhile to get a vitamin/electrolyte/magnesium iv once a week or so?   ​", "answer": "largely placebo effects. unless you\u2019re profoundly deficient or have pernicious anemia and your gut can\u2019t absorb b12, pills are as good as injections. the same is true for most vitamins\u2014we obviously need to be able to get them by mouth or prior to ivs all humans would have been deficient and died. in fact, unless you have a definite deficiency it\u2019s not a good idea to supplement vitamins. i don\u2019t think good data exist for iv forms, but vitamin pills seem to slightly increase all-cause mortality.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "am8e0k", "comment_id": "am8e0k"}, {"question": "im 20/f and never been in love. my last crush was 4 years ago. i'm starting to feel restless and left behind is anybody in the same boat?", "description": "i've been on a total of 2 dates and sometimes i feel restless. like my life is going by without me. reading manga makes it worse because all the characters are teenagers experiencing their first love. sometimes i feel like i need to hurry up and fall in love or just date someone to get it over with. does anybody else feel the same way? i don't feel broken just...annoyed i gues", "answer": "maximize chances for conversation. social activities and dating sites. keep finding new people to talk to. it will happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68z8qc", "comment_id": "68z8qc"}, {"question": "i [27/f] don't know what to do about my relationship with my dad [60/m]", "description": "so my dad and i have always been close, particularly since my mother [deceased 2015] had severe mental health issues all of my life. i feel like my dad raised me to basically fill in the gaps of her role as wife and mother, although he sees me as his daughter and there's never been anything physical outside of hugging between us, someone that i spoke to recently said it's called 'emotional incest' when a parent relies on a child to fill adult emotional needs. i'm 27 now and have never been in a relationship. in fact, the most intimate i've ever been with a guy is the casual greeting hug/kiss or a childhood peck on the cheek.  my dad has always been incredibly overprotective of me and has given me mixed messages about guys. he's basically had a gandalf 'no guys shall come near my daughter' type of thing for most of my life, and told me at different times throughout the years that either i couldn't date, or most recently, wasn't ready to date, even though he told one of my best friends at my 21st that he wanted me to bring a guy home and said told me he was preparing for grandkids a couple of months after mum died. i know i should talk to him about this, but i'm open to whatever advice people have, particularly if they can relate to this situation. i've also been seeing a therapist for the past 6 years who's helped me deal with a lot of other behaviours relating to my upbringing, but have just started trialing someone new to get a fresh perspective on things but don't have another session with her until next week. i don't know how to be comfortable around guys and tend to take the smallest bit of attention/validation/kindness to mean something more when that's all it is and i become obsessive about it until someone new comes along or my fixation on that person gets boring. online dating seems to be pointless as i'm terrified of letting someone get close to me, so even though i've had a fair few people contact me, i've done nothing about it and feel stuck in my current predicament.", "answer": "hello, i'm a therapist and i'm 65 (yikes, 65?), and a dad and a grandfather).   anyway, the more important issue here i think is that it sounds like you'd like to meet a nice guy, but you're shy about it and don't have much experience.  (by the way, the concept of emotional incest is an extremely, poorly worded phrase.  who thinks up  this stuff?)  so please exit your friend's poorly chosen words from your mind.) there are 2 primary ways to meet people.  joining social/recreational activities, and online dating. most people don't go about online dating properly.  the beauty of online dating, is that you get a chance to have a conversation with a zillion guys from the comfort of your kitchen.  finding 'the one' is a numbers 'game'. the more you meet, the better your chances.  the reason arranged marriages were so prevalent way back when was that there was no opportunity to meet someone on your own.  if you want to try. here's what i suggest step 1. go on a dating site like match or okcupid. be very clear about the type of person you're looking for in your profile, and clear about your values.  you'll get a zillion winks/messages.  delete every one that mentions sex, or bodies, etc.  read their profiles carefully. then write back within the site, not your email.  write back and forth around 6 times, and ask important questions about family, values, goals, careers, kids.....do not tell them your last name, or give them your phone number, or tell them anything that identifies you. 2.  if step one goes well, talk on the phone. you call them, and block your number. do that a bunch of times. if that goes well... 3. meet them for coffee in a public space in the daytime. if you want to be extra cautious, park your car a few blocks away. 4. if that goes well, you're ready to date.   and by then,  you've garnered more information, in a safe, controlled manner, than any dating process in the history of boy-meets-girl.   (in the past, someone's best friend would fix them up with their favorite first cousin for a blind date. vinny would then show up at your door, straight from prison, because your friend thought he just moved here from seminary school in kalamazoo!) anyway, you get the idea. go slow. be safe. as for your dad, when you bring a sweet guy home one day, he'll get with the program because he'll have to. it's your life!  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q0dqi", "comment_id": "5q0dqi"}, {"question": "haven\u2019t lost my debit card or credit card in six months!", "description": "but i have lost....4 switch games, a cuticle cutter, a key to my job, one slipper...", "answer": "i also have one slipper missing!! haha", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "hc6uvo", "comment_id": "hc6uvo"}, {"question": "who here likes buying on etsy?", "description": "hi, i really like to shop for stuff on etsy since they have a lot of unique vintage, handmade, and fair trade products. i like collecting vintage and retro style or handmade plush toys, and also rubber squeeze toys, and they have lots of older or handmade toys that i like. i may have only shopped in there 3 or 4 times, but i have been able to find all sorts of unique toys and stuff on there, like crocheted toys, soft rubber squeezable squeaky animals like birds and other stuff for me some of which can help me with stimming and the like. they sell all sorts of unique stuff i couldn\u2019t find on amazon or ebay.  anyone else here like shopping on etsy?", "answer": "i love etsy! so much unique stuff on there. i especially like shopping stuff from other countries.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hcv56s", "comment_id": "hcv56s"}, {"question": "text exchange with therapist before first appointment", "description": "is this too casual an interaction with a therapist before an initial consult?  ​  (background: i texted her a few weeks ago and her fee was too much so i stopped responding)  first texts a few weeks ago:  her: i hesitate to contact you again yet want to say i am concerned. maybe you're meeting with someone else and that's fine. if, however, my fee was what turned you away and you still want a consultation, i will discount it to whatever you can pay. mostly, i just want you to be able to get your consult  ​  me: it was the fee. sorry for my unresponsiveness  ​  her: thanks for letting me know. i was concerned. i thought i was clear i'd adjust my fee but probably wasn't clear enough. i would have been glad to adjust it down to up to 50% if i felt you really wanted to work in therapy and needed it. i just can't really advertise that without knowing whats going on. feel free to reach out if you need to. i'll be thinking of you.  ​  so i reach out today because i need a new therapist:  ​  i ask her what the fee will be. she said i can pay whatever i want and we can discuss in person a fixed rate. i said i could do $50 she said she hopes it can be raised to $75 or $100 eventually (the market rate is high where i live) so i get that.  ​  i then told her i might be able to ask my parents for financial help but want to avoid that if possible but that i will know what i can do fee-wise at our first appointment.  ​  she then says to wait until we talk to ask them for help so she can understand the story first. well she said in these words \"you're not going to talk to your parents before our first appointment are you? i'd like us to talk first. so wait until i understand the story a bit at least!\"  ​  so my questions are- 1) is all this texting too casual before an initial appointment . 2) is she having an authoritative tone a bit? 3) is she giving me unsolicited advice about my parents? 4) how can someone i have never met be concerned. she said concerned twice  ​  this is my 6th therapist. i am getting so frustrated finding a good fit. and obviously have worse trust issues now than when i started this process  ​  thanks for any advice", "answer": "1) maybe a little too casual? 2) it certainly does sound like an authoritative tone 3) yes 4) she could be concerns about her losing a potential client (you) or should could be concerned that you are in such dire need of help but have no resources that you may die if she doesn't see you.  all in all, it sounds like the therapist is willing to discount a consult (which is nice) a consult is a one-time (or maybe two or three) thing and actually makes up much less money than the established fee.   finding a new therapist is *incredibly* frustrating. sorry :(", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ae1hs3", "comment_id": "ae1hs3"}, {"question": "can you get over someone if you\u2019re still talking to them?", "description": "my bf (21/m) and i (20/f) recently broke up after a year and a half together - not for lack of love, but mostly timing and compatibility. he\u2019s not very good at keeping girl friends at a distance or prioritizing me, and i have trouble with putting double standards on him. we are each other\u2019s first love (and relationship) and have some hope that we may get together again in the future, but that\u2019s a long time from now.  i moved away two months ago and now we live 2.5 hours apart. we still text at least once a day but i\u2019m having a hard time controlling myself when i want to text him. i haven\u2019t made friends yet since moving and he was my best friend for the past year, so even now i find myself reaching out to him maybe a little too much. it might make perfect sense to distance myself, but i have no one else to talk to. he\u2019ll also text first half the time. we have a snapchat streak as well and are pretty updated with each other\u2019s lives. the only thing i\u2019ve forbidden is talk about any girls that he\u2019s involved with in the future.   on top of that, i\u2019ve become depressed. for the past two years i lived away from home and was independent. i figured out who i was and i loved the city and school i was in. but then i had to move back home due to family issues and it\u2019s been downhill for me since. my family is the reason i left two year ago. now i\u2019m back in the same house i despise, with a very stressful family, in a city that\u2019s no longer my home, going to a school that i hate with way too many people that i know from before i left. my ex-bf is the most positive person i know, so i hate talking to him about all my negativity. but then again i have no one else to turn to because i haven\u2019t made friends since i\u2019ve transferred schools. it\u2019s a really tight spot.   what do you guys think? is it okay for me to wait until i make friends to distance myself more? is it possible to move on (however slowly) if you\u2019re still talking to someone you love? neither of us want to completely disappear from each other\u2019s lives.  ps, this is my first post and i think i followed all the rules; if i haven\u2019t, please let me know so i can fix it. thank you. ", "answer": "usually not. it's like scratching an itchy scab. you bleed all over again.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73bw50", "comment_id": "73bw50"}, {"question": "i am addicted to the number 86", "description": "   i just created this account to seek help here on reddit. also, english is not my main language so bare with me.  so for about 3 months ago i started to like numbers more and more, i've never really liked numbers in this kind of way but 3 months ago i was out shopping with my friend, as we passed burger king i saw this ad that had the number 86kr on it, now i know this sound wierd, but that 86 got stuck in my head for the whole day. i went home and started to calculate numbers so it became 86. (43+43=86) (33+55=86) and etc. i could not stop for the whole day, and i had a hard time sleeping because i kept trying to calculate in my head numbers that became 86.  i thought this was something that was going to go away in some weeks or a month.  now fast forward 3 months to now, i still dream about the number 86 in my dreams and i dedicate my days to the number 86, i go out and try to find the number 86 on things like ads, newspapers or buildings. i can't stop thinking about it and i feel that my health is getting worse, i sleep very badly but i still manage to get around 3-4 hours of sleep every night. first thing i do when i wake up is to start calculating. i've renamed all my contacts to \\[their name-86\\] so i can see it everytime i'm about to call someone.  i really need help, but i do not want to go to some kind of doctor as i will probably be locked up or something. i don't know, but i just need to help myself somehow, and that is why i am here to seek advice.  i understand how this can be seen as a \"trollish\" post and i can't really help that, hopefully someone believes me and will help me with my problem.", "answer": "hey guys, just a reminder that some countries and cultures have really prejudice and discriminatory views of mental health. sometimes in these situations, openly disclosing mental health concerns can put a person at risk for much more than a disagreement amongst family. i\u2019m not saying that\u2019s op\u2019s situation, but they have made it pretty clear that formal treatment doesn\u2019t feel like an option right now.   op - while i can\u2019t suggest at a diagnosis, what you\u2019re describing appears to fit the definition of intrusive thoughts, which can be a symptom of several different disorders. you might want to do a bit of research on the topic of intrusive thoughts and see if you can find info that\u2019s relevant to what you\u2019re dealing with.  other online forums/subs where people discussing coping skills/skill building might be helpful.   you could also look into \u201cself help\u201d type workbooks that are made for individual learning of coping skills.   finally, if it\u2019s safe and available, you might also consider online therapy. while it can offer greater confidentiality, you obviously know your situation best.   i wish you luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9e6d9", "comment_id": "c9e6d9"}, {"question": "hyperfocus: who do you all listen to on (literally) non-stop repeat?", "description": "ever since eminem dropped his kamikaze album (\\~august 31, 2018), i've been **shoved** back down the rabbit hole. not only am i listening to it on repeat, i'm obsessed with deciphering the bars and analyzing the flow. i've been a huge fan of his since i was seven, which is probably why the nostalgia hits me and makes me listen to his 5hr 59 min \"best of\" spotify *d a i l y*.   ​  apparently musical hyperfocus is rampant among individuals with adhd, so post the artist(s)/song(s) you can't seem to get out of your head in the comments! maybe i'll listen to them and break this spell. bonus points if you're actually listening to them right now :p", "answer": "i haven\u2019t landed on someone new yet. i went through like a six month phase where all i listened to was ariana grande. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ab3e6s", "comment_id": "ab3e6s"}, {"question": "can you get ptsd from something that\u2019s not actually bad?", "description": "i was molested when i was a kid, but had no memory of it. last year, i got into a sketchy sexual situation that eventually got me diagnosed with ptsd. however, that doesn\u2019t make sense to me, because the more i think about it, and the more i learn about actual rape, the more i\u2019m certain what happened to me was not rape. but- it did trigger my memories of being molested as a kid, which i had been repressing until that situation. so even though i made up what happened (or at least, hugely exaggerated how bad it was) can i still have ptsd? i didn\u2019t make up the symptoms, even though i made up the event. but i\u2019m worried that since i was unable or unwilling to share the details of what actually happened last year, and could only manage to say \u201ci was raped\u201d (but now i know i wasn\u2019t) that the person diagnosing me *thought* something awful or life-threatening happened to me when it didn\u2019t. does that mean my diagnosis is a lie, too? i am certain if i shared the truth about what happened that it would not qualify as rape. not in a minimizing or denial way- it just genuinely doesn\u2019t count. can i still have ptsd? or do i have to re-think everything? i read on the internet that ptsd can develop from false memories, too. mine isn\u2019t a false memory so much as a lie projected onto a regular bad memory. but can i still get ptsd from it?", "answer": "it's always possible you had ptsd the whole time from childhood but that you didn't realize it.  when you have ptsd, you can have associated ptsd symptoms triggered by something that isn't necessarily a stereotypical traumatic event but one that resembles the initial trauma.  when this happens, it may become apparent you have ptsd caused by the initial event that just didn't become known until symptoms were triggered by a similar event in the future.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cgio57", "comment_id": "cgio57"}, {"question": "i think about my trauma non stop. what can i do?", "description": "i was diagnosed about 6 months ago and i can\u2019t see my therapist anymore. i literally wake up and go to sleep with the trauma on my mind. is there anything i can do to stop this or even think about it less? ", "answer": "training your brain is just like training your body - it takes effort, time, and is best done starting off slow.  if there is anything you already know of that takes your mind off your trauma, even for a few minutes, you can start intentionally using that several times a day to train your brain to focus.  expending this by a few minutes at a time and/or doing it more times per day will help.    you can also play around with other things that might occupy your mind - singing a song, counting steps, doing a physical exercise, reading a book, playing sudoku, etc.  some things will work for you and others won't.  yoga and meditation are awesome and frequently the two best methods for mental training long-term, but they can be challenging to get started with if you're really struggling with having repetitive thoughts.  this is a tough skill to develop, when you're already mentally and emotionally exhausted, it's good to remember this and be patient with yourself throughout the process.  good luck!", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "98kcqt", "comment_id": "98kcqt"}, {"question": "should i tell a girl at work that this girl likes her without knowing if she's gay or not?", "description": "there's this girl who's really nice really friendly. to everyone at work. she is biracial really pretty really outgoing. but she was like trying to say she really likes her thinks she's pretty. the thing was they were talking about her as if she liked women in some sort. i never really talked to her only twice. she's really friendly to me which makes me think she's not gay because lesbians don't generally like me like as in my existence. we don't normally get along. i am basically part male biologically. i give off that vibe because mentally that's all i am. so yeah yesterday i started to tell her the girl next to me liked her. but i didn't want to offend her if she was straight. i even started saying you remember that girl you talked to yesterday and she was like what girl. she didn't even remember her. so i felt i should leave it alone. should i have?", "answer": "you should never really tell anyone someone likes them unless that person gave you permission to tell them.  that's pretty much the straight forward answer all sexual orientation issues aside.     if you were close with this girl who says she likes this other girl to you.  telling the other girl or anyone else about this could be outing her as a lesbian or however she identifies.  this is really inappropriate as despite saying this to you, she may not be ready to be out with other co-workers.     i'd advise keeping it to yourself unless the girl specifically asks you to let this girl know she likes her.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "95n6l0", "comment_id": "95n6l0"}, {"question": "my girlfriend (25f) and i (28m) ended a 5.5 year relationship because she wants a baby in the next five years.", "description": "we didn't have the perfect relationship and in the beginning i was coming off of another long term relationship. but over the past five years we've been through so much and she was honestly my best friend, she was my person. she was my go to, my lover and other half. but she wants to know if i want kids, and she says she wants them by 30-35. i do understand these urges, and that girls do have a biological clock. but i couldn't lie to her. given a lot the findings i have about the world, my career, cost of living and education, my thoughts on children are uncertain and she needs more than that. in addition i just bought a house we were about to move into together. but the other day we had a huge talk which ended up in us understanding that i couldn't give her an answer and she and i felt we couldn't continue our relationship like this. we had separated for 2 months in july over the same issue but got back together because we love each other. i guess i'm just wondering what your thoughts are about needing to commit to children by the time your thirty.", "answer": "better now than after wasting more time with someone who doesn't have the same life goals", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oukx2", "comment_id": "5oukx2"}, {"question": "in recent months i've been able to rationalize why i am getting a response out of an stimulus and i can think through why i shouldn't be but the responses keep persisting.", "description": "for example, i have this weird thing with my introversion where i start speaking in a monotone when i've \"run out of steam\" or this past week when an incident occurred between my father and i, leading to me having to leave the house for several days (the first time i had to leave for such a reason.) i knew i could just go to my best friend's house and i knew i had the means to get along just fine for months if the situation really required it but i had this horrible feeling in my gut and my heart would have spurts of heavy fast-paced beating for most of the first two days being out of the house. i'm aware of my anxiety and of occasional depressive episodes (counselor is hard pressed to call it anything more because most of not all instances make sense given the context of the situation) but when stuff happens and i know it's happening i still can't seem to exert much short term control over it. is it possible to do so or is it something i need to just bring up and let a professional decide if i need medication for?", "answer": "why not see a professional and find out?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3z2gyl", "comment_id": "3z2gyl"}, {"question": "sadness over the etika incident", "description": "so i learned about what happened to etika recently and it's so small but i can't stop feeling so sad and awful that he killed himself and i just need some tips to be happy again and not get myself too hurt about it", "answer": "first off, it's totally normal to feel sad about what happened. sadness is natural. just about every human being will feel sad at some point. emotions are built-in, so to speak; they're biological, they're a part of the human body. you can feel it in the tightness of your chest, the pit of your stomach, whatever. allow yourself to feel that sadness. acknowledge it, acknowledge how you feel in the present moment, physically and mentally. say it out loud, post about it here, write down what you're thinking and feeling. don't let yourself simply deny that you are sad - that leads to other problems. it's okay to be upset, it's natural.  we're not meant to be happy all the time - there is no real \"default\" emotion - our emotions are constantly changing. the good news is that sadness will not last forever, it will pass with time.  in the meantime, make sure you're taking care of yourself. make sure you're eating some relatively healthy meals, drink some water, getting sleep if you need it, take a break, reach out to talk to friends, take a walk outside if you can. find some things that bring you joy - i like to watch comedy shows when i'm feeling really down, i find that laughter helps me a lot. but you may have some other activities that bring you comfort. try not to just sit around doing nothing - if you have nothing else to do, write your thoughts down in a journal.  take a deep breath, and feel the air entering and leaving your lungs - this too shall pass.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "c5n6ti", "comment_id": "c5n6ti"}, {"question": "erp for ocd", "description": "i am new to this sub and am a bit shocked by what i've read so far because i have not seen anything about erp. i have ocd and see an erp therapist. erp stands for exposure with response prevention. it is the most effective way to treat ocd. i see a lot of reassurance seeking and giving, which only feeds our ocd. i wanted to share this with you to try and help folks that don't know about it. more information can be found on the international foundation for ocd website. erp saved my life. hang in there. ", "answer": "thanks for posting this. yes, erp is the best treatment for ocd, and more people should be taking the risk to try it.   generally, the r/ocd sub is used for people seeking reassurance or asking whether what they're thinking is normal or ocd, unfortunately. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "7lpg3a", "comment_id": "7lpg3a"}, {"question": "me and my roommates don't want our cat", "description": "her name is smokey and she's old and senile. we don't want her anymore for a number of reasons. when one of my roommates, m, moved in, his dad forced him to take smokey with him because his dad refused to house her anymore (bad sign).  the worst of our problems with her is that she rarely, if not never, shits in the box, she shits *next to* the box. and to make this problem even worse, her bowels are some kind of fucked-up, so half the time that she shits next to the box, it's diarrhea.  we don't know if it's smokey, or archer, or both, but someone keeps pissing on m's bed. also, to help keep smokey from shitting on the kitchen floor near the cat box in there, m has taken it upon himself to put a cat box in his closet, which is by itself a crappy thing to have to do. and get this: when smokey shits near the box in m's closet, she tries to cover it up with litter from the box, making an even bigger mess.  she doesn't get along well with our other cat, archer. archer's young and just wants to play with her, but she's an old fart that just cat-slaps and hisses at him. also, she's one of those skiddish cats that lives in perpetual fear of everything that moves and makes noise. this makes it even more difficult to love her and also explains why she just doesn't seem happy; i've never seen her asleep.  so it's obvious why we don't want her: she's not an enjoyable cat to have in the house and just causes more needless stress for us. but we can't just give her to a shelter because it's very likely that no one else would want her either. she'd probably just waste away in there and get euthanized once she's too old. i'd rather us not get her euthanized ourselves, that would make us feel awful even if it's morally permissible.", "answer": "bring her to a shelter now. someone will want her", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "5z90j8", "comment_id": "5z90j8"}, {"question": "what are your thoughts on people who claim to be so allergic to water (h2o molecules) that they have an allergic reaction whenever they take a sip of water but don't react to the water already in their bodies?", "description": "i read on the news about a woman who says she's deathly allergic to h2o. she looked to be in her 40's.  she says she cannot even drink a sip of water without going into anaphylactic shock and even goes on to say she cries herself to sleep every night.  she says that she can only drink orange juice or coca-cola (which do her no harm) since they have no water in them and now lives life happily despite not drinking any water. she is also on disability and another one of her press photos is of her holding a bucket of epi-pens. she says she just suddenly became allergic to water one night.  i mean you can be allergic to peanuts so why not h2o? i remember i was seeing a new ''i'm allergic to h2o so bad even taking a sip of water will kill me'' every month on sites like the daily mail especially. i've seen science channels on youtube say it's possible to be allergic to the h2o molecule in itself and you can suddenly become allergic, just like how people can suddenly become allergic to peanuts.  i've even seen the daily mail articles get referenced on government based medical websites such as the national biomedical website, saying in more severe cases even drinking a sip of water will be dangerous for them. these people also say that water in the skin causes them to come out in rashes and they posted the photos of these rashes. there's a condition called aquagenic urticaria but it doesn't say it's from h2o itself, but water causing a water soluble allergen on the skin to dissolve so it's a substance on their skin they're reacting to not the water. but it doesn't explain these people who also say they cannot even drink a sip of water without needing an epi-pen to save their life.  a guy said his teacher was allergic to water though there were numerous occasions when we saw her have an allergic reaction? she wasn't allergic to the water in her body. she only had a reaction when she drank some. she would be fine if she mixed it with orange juice or grape juice. as long as it wasn't plain water.", "answer": "1. cola, orange juice, and all other beverages contain water. lots of water. 2. h2o is too small a molecule to be recognized as a foreign material by the body. regardless of whether it would be instantly lethal, and it would, it's biologically impossible. antigens, the molecules or pieces of molecules recognized by the immune system, are on the order of 10 times larger than water molecules at minimum. 3. this is a silly tabloid story with no grounding in reality. it's on the same level of plausibility as alien abductions. less, really; we can't prove that aliens didn't come, but we can definitely know that this situation is impossible and is, at best, a gross misunderstanding of allergies and the symptoms someone has. 4. please stop posting about this over and over. you get the same response every time.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8w0q82", "comment_id": "8w0q82"}, {"question": "certification in dbt?", "description": "(direct links removed)  can anyone provide a verification that these are the primary organizations for those seeking certification?  training: behavioraltech  certification: dbt-lbc  dbt-linehan board of certification, certified dbt clinician\u2122  any roadmap or advice for certification?", "answer": "the other responses are correct in that those are marsha linehan's, developer of dbt, certification and training programs.   that said, you do not necessarily need to be certified in order to provide adherent dbt. certification is an extensive and expensive process, so many do not go through with it. i interned at a clinic that was closely affiliated with linehan, and only two of the eight dbt therapists were certified.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "d5stpj", "comment_id": "d5stpj"}, {"question": "i\u2019m (20f) afraid to tell my parents what i really want to do after college", "description": "hi there!   so i (20f) am going to be a senior in college in the fall, so naturally my family has been really curious as to what i want to do once i graduate. my dad (50m) and i went for ice cream the other day and sort of questioned me about it, and unfortunately he didn\u2019t really seem supportive of my ideas. this has happened before, in which my family has gotten critical of my ideas for my future, but i know it comes from a place of love rather than an effort to control me.   i\u2019m a psychology major leaning towards being a guidance counselor or general counselor. originally when i declared i wanted to be a psych major, my parents were worried. i\u2019d have to be in school for a long time, it\u2019d be expensive, why would i want to do that? before that i had wanted to do english or graphic design and they didn\u2019t like those either, always griped i should be a woman in stem. that would be great if i were interested in stem, but like i said, i don\u2019t care if i make a crap ton of money. but my dad really wants that for me (we had money troubles when i was growing up). he was the type who went to college to get a degree in something mildly interesting just so he could make decent money. his dad was a factory worker, they grew up middle class and he just wanted to be a provider for his family. i respect his experience and choices, but that\u2019s not the kind of life i want.   anyway, i was telling my dad about what i\u2019d need to do for graduate school, how i\u2019d probably take a year off to get experience in research and save money, build my cv and all that. of course he was concerned and asked if it was necessary, would i stay motivated, etc. i expected this, he\u2019s trying to be supportive and make sure i know what i\u2019m getting myself into. though when i told him about being a guidance counselor, he grew skeptical. said i should be a psychiatrist or professor, an author, literally anything else because social workers and guidance counselors don\u2019t make enough money. yeah, i wouldn\u2019t mind teaching, but i could never do anything medical. too squeamish. i told him i just wanted to help people, and as long as i did that in some way i\u2019d be happy. i reaffirmed it wasn\u2019t about money as long as my needs were met. plus, i could marry rich! he laughed at that.   the real problem, however, is that i want to join the military. both he and my mom (my mom is supportive of me, but she never went to college and doesn\u2019t really ask about my future which is fine, we just talk about other stuff) insisted when i was younger that i wouldn\u2019t join. it wasn\u2019t really a sexist thing, like \u201coh you\u2019re a woman and therefore you can\u2019t\u201d but more so \u201cwhy would you want that for yourself?\u201d so i dropped it, simply went to college like they expected me to and didn\u2019t really think about it until recently. quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on what i want to do with my life and i realize that if i continue, knowing myself, i\u2019ll get trapped in a comfort zone and live a boring life like my father. i want to do something meaningful and sort of wild.  my reasons for wanting to go into the military are more nuanced than that, but i don\u2019t want to get into that in this post. i just know that they won\u2019t be happy, though ultimately i know it\u2019s my life so it\u2019s my choice, but i love my family and i want them to support me. obviously i have two more semesters, thus i can\u2019t even think about enlisting until this time next year so that gives me plenty of time to explore this decision and work through it, but how do i tell them? i honestly don\u2019 think they\u2019d suspect this from me, as the last time i brought it up was casually a few years ago and i probably don\u2019t seem the type. anyone have a similar experience?   as a side note, i\u2019m paying for college by myself. they only took out one small ($3k) loan for me and i have done the rest.", "answer": "as a clinical social worker (now practicing therapist) who was in a similar situation (my father wanted me to focus on money only) i regret nothing. i make decent money living on my own and could make more if i was in private practice  it was more important for me to love my job.   i feel for you and ultimately you\u2019ll make your own choice but i wanted to say you can be successful following your passions. i did.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gpz3w8", "comment_id": "gpz3w8"}, {"question": "request for new psychiatrists: please call your patients back. (personal anecdote highlighting issue)", "description": "good day! although for me it is not a good day. i suffer from major depression with psychotic features and today is not a good one.  my request is for new psychiatrists to understand how difficult it is (in the us) to find a psychiatrist, first, who takes new patients, hasn't switched to children only, that takes my particular insurance, and will call you back. this combination is almost never possible.  i have an anecdote to illustrate. in august last year, i almost committed suicide. my doctor and i had been gradually lowering my anti psychotic dosage, and i didn't realize that i was obsessing again over a certain thing. when the day came when i was finally told that thing would never happen, i was devastated. my whole world crumbled and i wrote notes, figured out who would find my body, made preparations and was about to do it.  out of the blue a friend messaged me online. my thought at the time was, i'll never talk to her again, why not play a game with her online for the last time. well, thankfully this distracted me long enough for me to fall asleep without doing it.  so the next week (it was friday night), i attempted to contact my psychiatrist. this was a big provider in the area, (let's call them big o). first they suggest logging into the online portal and sending a message directly to my doctor. this didn't work because my doctor wasn't configured on the portal.  so my first call to big o was to get the doctor set up so i can message him. i was told that he couldn't get on there because he was mental health. (this wasn't true, because my previous mental health doctor was on there. they change doctors every year (student doctors, i think they are called interns). so i asked how do i send a message?  the operator said, \"i'll take the message and give it to the doctor.\" no call back. two days later i tried again to message the doc through the operator. no call back. ok, how about move my next appointment sooner? sorry, no available times.  so i took it upon myself to up my dosage to what is was before we started lowering it. the good news is that my work actually cares about it's people and understands taking a few days off for mental health crisis. so i did while i stabilized. still no call back.  after about a week i was feeling ok enough to go back to work and just wait for my next appointment. when it came, i told the doctor the story. he said he never got any messages, and that i did the right thing by upping the dosage. (why should i have to self prescribe?)  so i looked for another doctor. i found one, and the first appointment, i told her the story. she said she would be more available to me. also that someone would call me for my next appointment. they didn't. so far i have left 3 messages on two different lines for my doctor or her nurse, over the course of 3 weeks and nothing.  i understand you are busy as doctors, but you have no idea what it's like as a mental health patient to get care. please call us back, or even have one of your staff call. what is so hard about that?  thank you for listening.", "answer": "i'm sorry you've experienced but sadly i'm not surprised.  for as long a i've been working in the mental health field almost every psychiatrist i've worked with has been intensely overworked.  for the last 2 agencies i've worked with psychiatrists rarely if ever make telephone calls back to clients.  usually the receptionist will or it's left to the therapist.  the best piece of advice i can give is to get a therapist that you are seeing weekly.  although we're often overworked too, in my experience, most therapists are much better at calling back and/or getting you connected with your psychiatrist when needed.    [-the web shrink](WEBLINK) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xsvlq", "comment_id": "7xsvlq"}, {"question": "i read my girlfriend's diary and she's kinda obsessed with me", "description": "so i was at her house this weekend and she had gone to take a shower and i was just looking at her books to kill time and i found one of those fancy looking notebooks. i figured it was a sketchbook or something because she's an artist so i didn't really think it was a big deal to open it. well, turns out that it was her diary and i know i should've put it down but i opened it and saw my name and it got me curious and i just couldn't resist the temptation.   we haven't been together for a long time, only three months but i must say that i don't have any complaints. she's very sweet and caring and always speaks nicely. we mostly see each other on the weekends and do stuff together. she doesn't constantly text me or anything but she does say some really corny things when we are together from time to time. i don't know, like, she often tells me about how her heart is racing when i'm around and such, which i don't mind but i guess it's a bit unusual. she's 22 btw, i'm 27(f).   so back to the diary, she writes about how she had a crush on me for the longest time before we got together. she had asked me out before but i didn't realize she liked me and i had too many things in my head so i wasn't able to make time in the end and she was going to move abroad. fast forward a few months, almost a year and i see she's coming back to town (she had been living abroad) so i messaged her and we went out and eventually got together. anyway, so she has huge blocks of text analyzing why she liked me, if it could possibly be more than a silly infatuation and it's all so angsty. she keeps wondering if there's something wrong with her for feeling this way because she doesn't know me well (we hadn't really talked much by that time). she wonders why i ignored her for so long and she now can't message me anymore because she knows i'm not interested. she keeps putting herself down and saying she's crazy for liking me after all these months and there was a part that said she often fantasizes about being in my arms and things like that, you know. she wrote that she thinks of it every night otherwise she can't sleep and that she thought of me every day on her way to class and that she couldn't concentrate some days. she said she cant forget about me, that she tried to date other people but just couldn't even bring herself to kiss them because she only had feelings for me. also that she might be alone forever if she keeps doing this, apparently she has had unrequited feelings more times.   as you can guess i was taken aback by all of this and i guess i shouldn't have read her diary obviously, because these are her personal thoughts and it might be unfair to judge her based on them but it seems rather obsessive. the thing is, she doesn't seem obsessive at all now that we are in a relationship. sure some times she seems a bit insecure, asking if i like her and such but it's more when we're cuddling and stuff and not really in a confrontational way at all. so i don't know, i definitely don't want to break up with her because i really like her but it worries me that she might become co dependent and not able to live without me i guess.  edit: hey, thanks for all the comments. i know i was in the wrong for reading her diary and you have made me realize that maybe that's actually pretty controlling. i am just afraid of having people depend on me some times but i will definitely work on that. other than that i just wanted to add, just to describe this more accurately that it did give the impression that they weren't just thoughts that she wrote in an exaggerated way since she said she thought of me every day. i guess that was what i felt was the most striking. and to be honest i'm a bit scared of not being able to live up to her expectations, not that she mentioned she has any but you know.", "answer": "plenty of folks shaking their fingers at you for reading, so i don\u2019t need to jump on that bandwagon. here\u2019s a thought though:  22 is very, very young. i know you\u2019re only five years older, but those are five big years, developmentally speaking. so if she sounds angsty... that\u2019s probably because she was a teenager three years ago. her brain hasn\u2019t fully matured yet, and she doesn\u2019t have the nearly ten years of being an \u201cadult\u201d that you do.   sooooo this doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s crazy or immature, at least not inappropriately so. and i\u2019m not trying to say \u201cleave her, she\u2019s too young!\u201d just that you can go ahead and give her a break. :)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "c1mzkz", "comment_id": "c1mzkz"}, {"question": "\"only an alcoholic would want a prize for running out of a burning building.\"", "description": "i heard this quote from an aa lead i listened to last night.  not to belittle anyone's achievements but sometimes a little kick in the ass / wake up call is what's needed.  another gem from the same person was \"if you baby an alcoholic, you bury an alcoholic.\"  good luck to everyone.  stay the course.", "answer": "director of a drug treatment program here. i use a similar quote to put into perspective  the mindset of some people, not just those struggling with sobriety.  i will (paraphrase) \"you ask to be recognized for doing what tens of millions already do: you want to be rewarded for a non-behavior. *not* using is *not* a behavior. therefore, it cannot be reinforced.  what counts is what you do with the time you aren't using, and *that* is what will be reinforced\" (or something to that effect)  we celebrate not using, to be sure, but then the quest to find healthy replacement behaviors begins and those are the behaviors we praise.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d46nfe", "comment_id": "d46nfe"}, {"question": "anyone that\u2019s muslim and is fasting. please help me out !!", "description": "so guys i\u2019m asking for my friends. i have two friends who i haven\u2019t talked to for 4-5 months! i messed up bad last year and we haven\u2019t talked since. i have yet to apologise and i said some terrible stuff last year. i have learnt my lesson and want to apologise. the only thing is i realised it\u2019s ramadan and they are fasting! it\u2019s a spiritual month and i don\u2019t wanna ruin anyone\u2019s mood during the fast.  i know they are upset and get angry when the topic of our drama is bought up!  i don\u2019t wanna ruin anything. or make them feel angry! it\u2019s a bit of sensitive matter as i\u2019ve basically ruined a 8 year friendship  i don\u2019t want to delay talking to them since it\u2019s already may !! i wanna work things out fast!   but is it the right time right now ?  or should i wait ?  also happy ramadan to anyone whose fasting", "answer": "apologize. don't expect anything from them - it would be wonderful to repair the friendship - but just remember that it's totally their choice to forgive you or not. they may be delighted to hear from you, they may feel more at peace, or they may choose to continue not speaking to you. say what you need to say, not for you, but because it's the right thing to do.  as for ramadan - firstly, fasting only occurs during daylight hours. you could consider sending them the message in the evening after *iftar* (the nightly meal).  second, it's a month meant to foster faith, community, prayer, reflection. while it's their choice in how they may react, and i don't know all the details of your situation, i would say forgiveness and reconciliation are very much in the spirit of ramadan. consider sending your blessings to them and wishing them well.  disclaimer, i am not muslim, this is just based on my outsider knowledge.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "gaxx08", "comment_id": "gaxx08"}, {"question": "girlfriend[18/f] sleepover with a friend[18/f] and a guy friend [18/m]", "description": "so my girlfriend of 5 months is having a sleepover with her friend[18/f] and a guy friend[18/m]. the 3 of them used to hang together a lot before from what i have understood, but they dont see each other a lot anymore. what made me nervous is the fact that she told me she was going just 1 hour before going. after being there for 2 hours they went to sleep at 11 after watching 1 movie, witch for her is very early to go to sleep.we keept in touch trough snapchat but i never saw any of her friends in the snaps she sent me, i also reacted to the fact that she seemed to sleep topless, not 100% sure but i saw no bra straps over her shoulders in her 'goodnight' snaps. should i worry? im extremely worried considering i have been cheated on before. i want to trust her, but it is wreaking my nerves. im a [19/m]", "answer": "talk it out and decide if you trust her", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktazk", "comment_id": "5ktazk"}, {"question": "what happens when you go to hospital suicidal? how can i help my friend?", "description": "my friend is really depressed and we don't know what to do at this point. the main source of her depression is her horrible job. she works long hours in a male-dominated field where they basically have no respect for her even though she is extremely hard working. she has been looking for other jobs to no avail and is seriously considering quitting this one with no backup plan.  this is definitely not the only issue but it is a very pressing one at the moment. i believe that she is passively suicidal in that she is constantly wishing something would happen to her but i don't think she would actually take her own life. however recently this might be changing and i am extremely worried.  she has been trying to get in to see a doctor but they either do not accept her insurance or are not accepting patients right now.  she has expressed to me that she may want to go to the hospital (er) tonight.  i know that she needs to see a doctor soon but i'm not exactly sure what the er will do for her.  she needs to talk to someone and probably needs to be medicated at this point.  does anyone have any experience with this? either going to the er themselves or with a friend for this type of situation? will i be able to go in with her &/or have contact with her if she has to stay? will they transfer her to somewhere else? will insurance cover any of this treatment? any ideas on what else i can do to be a supportive friend right now?", "answer": "i work in an acute psychiatric hospital as a therapist. if you have any reason to believe your friend is having thoughts of suicide- act.   the er will essentially evaluate her, and then if she is actively having suicidal thoughts, will transfer her to a psychiatric hospital (unless they have one on the hospital grounds.) she will be under what is called observation for a 72 hour period. basically, she will be evaluated for suicidal thoughts/plans/actions/etc. a psychiatrist (and in some cases a psychologist too) will evaluate her for mental illnesses- depression for example. she will likely be given anti-depressants. while in the hospital, she will attend therapy sessions, etc. she will be released as soon as she is considered to no longer be a harm to herself, and given follow-up information with outpatient therapists.  as far as contact goes- you can only talk to her if she signs a release of information allowing contact- or otherwise indicates that she's fine with you knowing you're there- as per federal law.  insurance wise- most insurance companies will cover at least a few days of psychiatric treatment. however, even if they dont, it is against the law for a hospital to turn away someone in need. at my hospital, for example, we treat many people without insurance- and basically just eat the costs.  hope this helps. again- if you have any reason to suspect she is considering suicide- act! it is much better to be safe than sorry.", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "ueaf0", "comment_id": "ueaf0"}, {"question": "need a jaw surgery for medical reasons. how do i best present my case to my doctors?", "description": "hi /r/askdocs, i (male, 26, 172lbs), have suffered with erectile dysfunction, poor cognitive performance, and low energy for 6 years now. the onset for all of this was a sinus infection that creates a constant nasal congestion, and the development of an overbite. i used to be a 4.0 gpa, really high grades student, but after the development of this overbite (big enough to be visible to the naked eye) which made me clench my teeth at night (likely as a body reflex of low oxygen intake) , made my sleep ever so less restful, and i ended up graduating with a 2.14 gpa. i did not have a girlfriend in college, and the whole experience was incredibly miserable. **my doors to an mba or future prospects in life, including even having a family are all but in the hands of my future doctors.** i really need your help, please.  my observations after 6 years are the following:  -it is not sleep apnea. i have been tested for it and i do not have breathing pauses at night.  -the problem is nearly 100% related to not breathing enough oxygen at night. the overbite and the sinus problems makes for an incredibly small passage of air possible. i feel easily suffocated in rooms with poor ventilation.  -my erectile dysfunction and my poor cognitive function have been solved at all one point by increasing the ventilation of a room and managing to sleep in a position where my sinuses behaved. although i was able to fully breathe well for a couple of nights, those couple of nights were essential to prove my hypothesis that my breathing and air intake during my sleep was causing my problems. my erections were fully back, and the mere thought of the opposite sex made my penis erect and my energy levels were through the roof.  -other symptoms include anxiety, panic attacks, and palpitations which were unheard of before these developments. all of these symptoms fall in line with research of the results of poor breathing at night.   my concerns are the following:  -doctors do not take this at all seriously, and would ignore my 6 years worth of observations of my own symptoms  -doctors do not recommend dental procedures due to high expenses over simply using cheaper options, even though jaw surgery would like see immediate results and be permanent and reliable  how can i present all of this to my doctor and push my doctor to pursue treatment through this direction? orthognatic surgery is usually seen as an aesthetics surgery, and not medical. but i absolutely believe it's essential to proceed with it as a medical procedure to increase the airflow intake of my sleep, otherwise my medical problems will only increase.  thank you so much for all your help and advice.", "answer": "you have been given thoughtful medical advice, and you have responded with rudeness and dismissal. medical advice here isn't going to solve your problems because reasoned medical advice will not give you what you're looking for.  accordingly, i'm locking this thread before it turns even more acrimonious.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ewa1cv", "comment_id": "ewa1cv"}, {"question": "why do none alcoholics not suffer from the mental obsession?", "description": "what is clear is that an alcoholics reacts differently to alcohol to a none alcoholic. the allergy produces the physical craving which a none alcoholic doesn't have. the mental obsession is a manifestation of the spiritual malady.   what i can't understand is why does a none alcoholic not have the mental obsession? surely the general population suffer from a spiritual malady unless they have worked the steps. or is it that they do have the mental obsession but the difference is that they don't continue to drink because they don't have the allergy thus the physical craving?", "answer": "you use the term \"spiritual malady\" & seem to believe that non-alcoholics must suffering? i'm guessing you also believe atheists to be especially suffering.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dxkm7q", "comment_id": "dxkm7q"}, {"question": "a fifth attempt is coming up", "description": "i am a horrible person. just trust me on this. my one good contribution to society would be to kill myself. then, i wouldn't hurt anyone anymore. what you say to a bad person who was on the brink of suicide? would you tell them to go through with it? i know a lot of people would, especially on reddit. ", "answer": "working in forensic psychiatry i met people who did horrible things (murder, rape, etc). typically they didnt care about what theyve done. they either denie or downplay. the fact that you post this implies you feel bad about your actions. which is a sign of having a working conscience ", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "b04em4", "comment_id": "b04em4"}, {"question": "i (17/m) am interested in a girl (17/f) in my class and don't know how to make a relationship", "description": "i was born with asperger syndrome, so naturally i struggle with communication. i've gotten better, yet i don't know how to move past the friends phase of relationships. i get caught up worried about if she's interested, or even looking to stay friends. i panic over the little things, especially when she doesn't respond to my texts within a day, so i'm also very insecure. i want to be confident and be able to develop a working relationship. we've been friends for about a week now. ", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel, and see how she responds.  if she doesn't feel the same way you'll be disappointed, but at least you'll know and can pursue new friendships.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ql7dr", "comment_id": "5ql7dr"}, {"question": "with proper sunscreen application, will i tan faster/darker while on 100mg doxycycline mono?", "description": "27yo caucasian male. i will be traveling to kenya this summer to do field research (dry season). i will be on doxy for malaria. since a side effect is sunburning, i was curious if extra-frequent sunscreen application will mean i tan faster or darker, or if i'm just going to burn easier?  if there is an eli5 explanation as to why this does or does not occur, that would be interesting!  thanks!", "answer": "no. the side effect of doxycycline isn't increased tanning/burning, it's a red rash in response to sunlight.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8ei4bk", "comment_id": "8ei4bk"}, {"question": "feeling unfit for society/behind", "description": "i'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. to give you some backstory, i never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). when i was younger, the only \"real\" friends i had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than i) and two of my childhood friends (one, when i was about 7-9 and another when i was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). most of my childhood was spent alone and i developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. thus, i never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. i had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). i spent all four years of my highschool alone. sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. come college and i dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. i felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (i used to get told that i always had a frown on my face and people would assume i was mad, even when i wasn't). and for the last 2 years, i took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and i fell into deep depression where i was contemplating suicide for months. felt i had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). however, i've decided that either i'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. my first step is by getting a job. i only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when i was 16 (only 1 month of work). i feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what i was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since i dropped out). i also want to get friends and a girlfriend. right now, i have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. i have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. other than that, i get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. i have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. i also have no idea on how to make friends... i feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "consider going to therapy.  i think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around.  you can absolutely do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "99zojx"}, {"question": "should i go out with him again?", "description": "so i went and hung out with a guy from tinder, i thought it was a date but he called it hanging out and then we went for coffee and he ordered first then paid for himself and i still don't know how i feel about it. conversation was so great, and i wasn't expecting him to pay for me but i thought it was a date. and i would've totally paid for him but the fact he wouldn't pay for me made me not want to buy his drink. he wants to hangout again but idk is that a bad sign???", "answer": "people that have played the tinder game for a while are likely wanting to meet you casually first to see if there is a connection. if there is, then go on a date! i wouldn't read into it too much. if he wants to go on a date now that you have met, he will ask.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70eznf", "comment_id": "70eznf"}, {"question": "feeling sad after pet passed away", "description": "so earlier this month my dog died cause he choked on a piece of food. didn't get to see him before cause i was at school but after i got the news i was somewhat down. but as time passed i felt more and more sad about my dog being gone. i felt like i should be spent more time with him. he was truly a one of a kind dog. i just wish i got to spent more time with him but i was away for so much and i didn't get to. how do i cope with this. i've been through a lot of pets passing away/being sold/ running away, but i've never felt like this before about a pets death. thanks for reading", "answer": "when i had to have my cat put to sleep when she got very suddenly and unexpectedly severely ill i cried a lot and for a long time.  i'm a pretty tough guy but it hit me really hard.  grieving takes time.  the unconditional love we get from our pets is so amazing and unlike anything we get from the majority of relationships in our lives so it's no wonder it hurts so much when we lose them.     the vet at the hospital gave me a bunch of information on grieving lost pets afterwards.  i found a lot of comfort in this poem (surprisingly as i'm not religious at all).  still gets me choked up almost every time i read it even years after my kitty passed.     WEBLINK", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "avtnjp", "comment_id": "avtnjp"}, {"question": "erp is not the only way to treat ocd, there is another way", "description": "erp can be very good, but this is mostly if ocd is not too severe, and if the obsession doesn't change very much, or switch up its tactics (my ocd does both of these) there is another one for people like me who have severe ocd, its called advanced brief strategic therapy. it has been proven to be very effective against ocd. ", "answer": "some of the basic assumptions of  bst vs cbt seem to be inaccurate. most importantly is the assumption that cbt believes that we can control our thoughts and emotions, whereas most cbt therapists i know would never make that assumption. while some of the tools in bst can be effective in treating ocd, and can be used in the context of traditional cbt/ erp, it doesn't seem immediately effective as a stand alone therapeutic technique. while both cbt and bst need insight and willingness, it seems bst requires so much more insight and self control than the cbt/ erp model. to say to an ocd sufferer \"if you need to do one compulsion, you have to do 10 compulsions in a row, but you cannot just do one\" is to essentially say \"change nothing.\" some techniques could be beneficial, but really need the skill and experience of a trained therapist to effectively implement the strategies. i'm not disagreeing with op to say its completely ineffective, but readers should begin treatment with a trained ocd/ cbt/ erp therapist (dont read this as \"just any therapist who says they do ocd treatment and know cbt\") before going this route.   this response is built on a brief look into it. i'm sure i could do a deeper dive, but i'm off the clock. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "8rwcwx", "comment_id": "8rwcwx"}, {"question": "cousin had abusive drug dealer boyfriend.", "description": "my cousin had a boyfriend who is facing five felony charges for drugs. she's 19 and her parents are threatening to kick her out of the house if she continues to see him. he's a punk who continually belittles her to make her think she needs him. she's staying with our family for the next couple days and i want to try to help her. what should i do? i'm her older cousin and i'm a guy so this is kind of hard to approach with her. ", "answer": "get her to an abused women's support group", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktpla", "comment_id": "5ktpla"}, {"question": "steve-o says that \"only 5%' of alcoholics/addicts get sober and stay that way long-term. is this true?", "description": "if so, i'm certainly glad to be part of the 5%!", "answer": "i always get a kick out of percentages. no idea where they get their numbers from. nobody knows the actual percentages", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d8uy9h", "comment_id": "d8uy9h"}, {"question": "is this normal?", "description": "i've worked in the defense industries and military since i was 19 and the last couple years has had me deal with many guys from the special operations community. i believe i may have developed some strange habits or tricks from the nature of my work but i wonder if these are just normal protective instincts.  overall when i'm with friends and family i can calm down and relax, but when i'm out in public my demeanor changes dramatically. i've been told that many times my face becomes either stoic or contorted to convey a \"piss off, don't fuck with me\" attitude. i continually plan exit routes and profile each person for their relative \"threat\" to me or the people i'm with.  my friends make fun of me, but when i come into a restaurant but i have to face the door and i'll still \"scan\". people standing or walking within 3 ft of me and especially directly behind me drive me insane.   overall i dont think i'm paranoid, but i cant get my heightened awareness down sometimes. when i try to stop these behaviors my stress level goes up even more. for reference i dont remember any significant trauma and i can't get into what i do for work, but i haven't been in combat yet. i'm a pretty big dude and physically could overpower most people.  not looking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has had this issue or know something that might help, please let me know.", "answer": "as a psychologist who has worked in prisons, max-security hospitals, inpatient units, and now back to prison...mainly places where the chances of me being hurt or attacked are greater than the general public.    it has become a habit for me, at work, home, in the community.  similar to you, i like to face the door, i want to see who is coming in and out, as well as with whom.  i prefer to sit near an exit, i'll think about where i might hide if an active shooter entered.  i've had lots of training, i'm around a lot of former military, and i model them and they give me tips.  but yea, i definitely have that 'f-off' facial expression.  i am not physically intimidating, lol.    to me, i say it's normal because of what i do for work.  same for you.  i don't want to lose that heightened sense of awareness, it hasn't done me wrong yet.    what may be normal for me might not be normal for you.  it depends on the extent to which these behaviors negatively impact your daily functioning.  do they interfere with work, family, home, that type of thing?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a4dt57", "comment_id": "a4dt57"}, {"question": "help me [25f] make my boyfriend [25m] realize the importance of apologies and forgiveness", "description": "hey, reddit. i don't know where else to turn. i don't have many close friends and most of my friends online are friends of my boyfriend too so i don't want to ask them for advice. i don't want them to think badly of him.  we're both 25 and met online through a game. he never had a relationship before, i had several. we've known each other for a couple of years but only really close since the start of this year. we met for the first time in august. we're currently in a long distance relationship (1 hour with plane apart) and spend most of the time apart playing games together. i love him so much because he is such a good person, when things are good. he is my best friend. however when we fight, he's starting to show me some really clear signs of emotional abuse and it scares me. i want some advice from someone, i need help to make him realize he has a huge part in our fights.  pretty much all of the time when we fight it's because of some small, pointless thing that got blown out of proportion and grows bigger because he decides to stay angry at me, refusing to see his part in the fight. i will take yesterdays fight as an example since it's almost always the same story: we played games and i got a bit irritated/naggy at myself for performing bad (i understand this isn't fun to listen to, but it doesn't happen often and just few minutes later we were enjoying our time together again, or so i thought). he gave me a lot of shit for this \"bad behavior\" but we had fun after so i thought we were past it. before bed time we talked and he sounded a bit off so after we hung up i asked if we were okay. he basically tells me i made his night awful and that he has way more fun with his other friends in the game than me (just because of me getting irritated at myself for few minutes, but he will forgive any of his other online friends if they have a bad day and not even mention it).  i didn't understand why he couldn't just let it go, since we had a fun time after and were sweet to each other. he just had to keep exaggerating and making it a bigger deal than it was. we continued to chat for hours, i begged him several times if we can say sorry to each other (not because we necessarily think we're wrong but because we hurt each other), or if we can just agree to disagree, anything. but he stays angry over this tiny thing. i ask if he can forgive me for being grumpy for few minutes about the game earlier in the evening and he says \"i won't forgive you but i won't stay mad\". this is were i get vibes from emotional abuse. i asked him why it bothers him if i \"talk bad\" about my gaming performance and he says he \"hates signs of weakness\". he says he can't forgive people downtalking themselves (something i never do in real life, i'm very confident about my person). he starts writing \"if you ever do something like this in front of my family...\" and threaten me for what he knows is no purpose at all. i kept trying to have us stop fighting, i sent a picture of me where you happened to be able to see i had been crying, writing \"wish you were in bed with me so i could hug you and make this go away\". then he just replies \"wtf is this, what am i dating?\", calls me an over emotional drama queen and reminds me how much more fun he has in this game with others than me. to wrap it up, says \"i'm not a nice guy, i never claimed to be\". but he still also seems to truly believe everything is my fault. i feel so belittled, shut down and hopeless.  if we argue on the phone, he hangs up on me. he shuts me down and silences me every time i'm in a mood that doesn't please him. he tries to suppress me by bringing up things from the past, threatening me about things and calls me delusional if i try to point out what he's doing to me. please help me, i ran out of words for what to say to him to try make him understand.  i tell him i'm not perfect and i can never be, and that we will have arguments and disagreements, it's normal. just like i don't expect him to be super energetic and happy every day either. but he claims he doesn't ask for perfection. it's starting to feel like whatever i do it's the wrong thing.  we have the best time when we don't argue, we both agree on this. i don't want this relationship to end because of his stupid stubbornness and unability to see his mistakes. i want him to understand it's fine to argue in a relationship sometimes, but it's so important to know how to say sorry (something he doesn't do often) and forgive each other so things don't get blown out of proportion... or just let me know, am i an emotional, delusional drama queen for getting upset about these things?", "answer": "if you want to actually teach him that his bad behavior undermines your relationship, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations.  more importantly, if you want to be happy in life, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations. particularly not all-night bitch-fests about things that are beyond present remedy.   if he thought you were ruining his evening, he could have said something hours ago, if you think his complaints are toxic, you should protect yourself from them in real time, not hours later.    you are both making critical errors, but you're only one with the insight to see that the whole dynamic is fucking gross.    disengage. hang up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "709aly", "comment_id": "709aly"}, {"question": "anyone else get so mad it ruins their whole day?", "description": "edit: thank you so much to everyone who responded! i have been given some truly amazing advice and currently have a list of things to try when the rage comes on. it\u2019s also nice to hear that other people deal with this same issue. there are a lot of replies and it\u2019s been hard to respond to them all, but i want everyone to know i really appreciate it, thank you  i know anger and irritability are big symptoms of bipolar. this happens to me a lot and i still haven\u2019t figured out how to calm down when i start feeling the rage come on.   today the day just wasn\u2019t going my way, the anger came on and it just got worse and worse and worse and eventually i am full blown angry and can\u2019t calm down. then i\u2019m angry at myself because i\u2019m angry and the cycle keeps repeating. now the whole day feels ruined. all the things i was going to do seem impossible after a big blow up where i screamed in front of my family (and basically threw a temper tantrum- which is embarrassing as hell). i\u2019m here laying in bed, and i don\u2019t know how to continue going about my day after that. i honestly feel so upset with myself and feel like i don\u2019t deserve to do anything.   during my explosive anger episode i ended up relapsing with cutting after 6 years. it felt like there was no other way to get the anger out, and i was so mad at myself. i just wanted to hurt myself. now i\u2019m doubly disappointed. and even more confused because i had been relatively stable for quite a while. but a death in the family 2 weeks ago has had me feeling all over the place.   sorry for the rant. does anyone know how to calm down when you\u2019re in the throes of anger??", "answer": "whole day? more like whole relationship that lasted 2 years and ended in 2 days.", "topic": "bipolarreddit", "post_id": "hcpncp", "comment_id": "hcpncp"}, {"question": "how do you get ocd medicine?", "description": "im a 20 year old male.   ive had ocd and anxiety my entire life but it has gotten really bad lately.  i don't have a doctor.   is there any over the counter ocd medicine? if not, how do you get medication for it?", "answer": "you get a doctor. there's nothing over-the-counter.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "c9xr7j", "comment_id": "c9xr7j"}, {"question": "my friend is trying to convince me to smoke.", "description": "i laughed in his face, he stood out in  a storm last night while i was inside feeling cozy. its day three and i'm never looking back. ", "answer": "this morning i listened to a 70 year old woman who smoked her whole life cough.  it was a horrible sickening wet sound.  she is so short of breath she can only walk 25 paces and then has to rest to catch her breath.  she told me she counts her steps so she knows when to stop and rest.  i know other women her age who run marathons.", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "1cqn4h", "comment_id": "1cqn4h"}, {"question": "paranoid or real?", "description": "hey everyone. i have a question for you guys. i\u2019m sorry if this might not be the place but i\u2019m having hard time with this and it is involving my weird brain.   i have bipolar and social anxiety. this little mixture brings me a nice helping of paranoia. not full blown paranoia but enough to make me a full time really suspicious bastard.   but when you get thoughts into your head, how do you tell what\u2019s paranoia and what\u2019s legit? in the past, whatever i got paranoid about i\u2019d avoid at all costs. i know that\u2019s not healthy but it worked. till now at least.   it\u2019s to do with my wife. i won\u2019t go into details (involves personal things) but little things have been said (about not trying to make me insecure) things being said would be done but not done, even after further discussion and time. these weren\u2019t important things, but just repeating, many times, and annoying me. i\u2019m starting to suspect there\u2019s more to this than mere happenstance.   so how do you guys tell if something is real or paranoia? to be perfectly honest, i\u2019m hoping i\u2019m being paranoid. my wife is usually one of the only people/things i don\u2019t get paranoid about. i developed it after we were together.   any help would be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "it's an incredible gift to have the level of insight that you do in that you know that your immediate thoughts and initial reactions are not always logical and may or may not be based in paranoia.  folks who don't have this think all of their automatic thoughts are logical and accurate and often make a mess of  things in their lives.     i think it's important to identify a few people in your life who you really truly trust.  you trust that they care about you and would have no ulterior motives to steering you wrong or being dishonest.  run situations by them and see what they think.  consider what they say along with what you believe and come to your conclusion.  it's called reality testing and can be extremely helpful.     this is somewhat unrelated but emphasizes the same point.  folks who experience auditory hallucinations and again are able to have enough insight to realize they occasionally hear things that aren't real may have a hard time differentiating what's real and what's not.  i often recommend  they get a dog or cat, or if they already have one, pay close attention to them when they experience auditory hallucinations.  animals have much better hearing than us.  if they don't appear alarmed or they don't perk up when you hear a voice or a sound, it's probably a hallucination.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a5tf96", "comment_id": "a5tf96"}, {"question": "36 hours", "description": "i've gone 36 hours without any skin picking. i decided two nights ago that it was getting out of hand and impacting my physical health too much. and this has been extremely hard. i can't believe how often i've had to actively stop myself. i didn't think it was something i did unconsciously but damn... i feel like a drug addict.  i also ordered about $30 worth of fidget toys off of amazon. partially because i thought maybe i would be more committed if i had invested actual money into this. but also because i just wasn't sure what would help (if anything), so best to have a variety to try...  any tips on how to keep my resolve are appreciated.", "answer": "hi!  congratulations on making it through 36 hours!!!  woo hoo!! tips on how to keep your resolve!  1. be gentle with yourself 2. try to keep yourself busy, the fidget toys are great 3. be aware of your feelings when you think about picking 4. and just curious, have you thought about seeing a mental health professional?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "boz7nt", "comment_id": "boz7nt"}, {"question": "what do i do?", "description": "my mom has now freaked out at me last night. she came into my room, i\u2019m 20years old and i was on the phone with my potential significant other. she got mad at me and suspicious that i was on the phone but freaked out that i am talking to someone again while having mental issues. but he makes me happy and i send him explicit pictures and she freaked out when she asked me and i told her the truth (my mom is all about honesty). so she kept me up for an extra hour yelling at me threatening to kick me out of the house and take my phone because i\u2019m talking and sending pictures to the guy i want to be with. how do i handle this situation?", "answer": "don't send explicit pics to a rando!  this is how you get used.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "fgz3d6", "comment_id": "fgz3d6"}, {"question": "question about self harm", "description": "i\u2019m a self harmer and i\u2019ve seen this brought up a lot in the self harm subs- why do we like our scars? i know we should be ashamed of them, and i know some people are. but, at least speaking for me, i love my injuries, i\u2019m secretly proud of them. i know this is also a feeling i should be ashamed of but was just wondering if anyone had any insight into this?", "answer": "where are you getting the sense you \"should be ashamed\" of your scars or of you past behavior?  shame is typically not useful and in not sure where that belief came from .  if you have a history of self harm, that is a  big issue that is best discussed with a therapist,  not here. however, typically,  self harm boils down to a coping mechanism available to people who have no others. many people stop cutting and different (not always better) coping skills are available.   i hope that you are able to develop healthy coping , but shame is generally  not helpful coping.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffet7g", "comment_id": "ffet7g"}, {"question": "i feel like i'm losing my best friend", "description": "i'm a guy who's 17 years old, i start this off with that sentence so you get my stand point.  i've always been depressed because of my loneliness, being bullied and the situation with my parents, though recently the person who stood by me through it all for a good 11 years was my current best friend, who i'll refer to as dave to keep his identity safe, until recently. dave and me are both straight but after being friends for so long we have this emotional connection. but recently he got himself a stunning girlfriend and he's been speaking to her daily, so often, he has given up days with me and left conversations on discord just to talk to her.  with me being depressed while growing up i always was upset with how i looked whether my friends and the people i trust are going to backstab me. i've never self harmed but have attempted suicide, i regret it immensely but i have. he's never noticed or asked how i felt about his constant absence but i find it hard to confront home because let's be honest i love this guy (not homosexually). can anyone help me? am i losing one of the only friends i have; one of the only people i trust?", "answer": "talk with him. let him know about your viewpoint and how you feel. the best way to handle potentially messy situations is to get them out in the open. tell him how you feel ignored by him as he leaves to talk to her. set up a designated time where it's just the two of you.  it's unrealistic to give him a choice: you or her. the first parts of a romantic relationships often motivate people to spend a majority of time with their significant other at first. that's normal.   eventually you will come to a balance.", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5y41ov", "comment_id": "5y41ov"}, {"question": "tappering off antidepressant", "description": "hello docs,  i\u2019m a 21f i\u2019ve been on 10 mg of zelax (escitalopram) daily for 5 months now but with quarantine situation i don\u2019t think i can stock up on more i only have 25 pills left so what is the safest way to get off the medication with minimal withdrawal?   thanks.", "answer": "call your doctor about a refill. going to a pharmacy is still leaving home for essential needs, and your doctor may also be able to send your prescription to a mail-order pharmacy, but having weeks' notice will help with that.  you could taper, but first you should see if you can avoid doing so.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fmiud5", "comment_id": "fmiud5"}, {"question": "non-drug treatment options?", "description": "hi! so this is not because i\u2019m a hippy and \u201cdon\u2019t want chemicals in my body.\u201d i have a chronic illness that gives me cardiovascular issues like heart palpitations, low blood pressure, dizziness, etc. unfortunately, it seems that all adhd drugs raise heart rate or something similar. i tried strattera and it really doesn\u2019t help me to have less adhd symptoms if while the dose is in effect i need to lay down because i\u2019m dizzy and having heart palpitations. any advice?", "answer": "individuals with adhd struggle a lot with self care and are then negatively impacted by its lack. things like a healthy diet, exercise, good sleep, taking a high quality multi vitamin, etc. may be beneficial, but obviously it can be challenging to work on these things as someone with adhd. you might try some habit tracking or asking a loved one to provide some support/structure/accountability to help you stay on track.  try to organize your living space in the most efficient ways possible. de-clutter. set up spaces so they are most conducive to the purpose for which they are intended (set up your bedroom to be optimal for sleeping and your office to be optimal for working). be aware of hazards in your home and attend to them quickly to avoid getting hurt (we are more accident prone and you\u2019ll have a harder time doing the things that\u2019ll help you if you\u2019re laid up in bed with a broken ankle).   remember that our brains work differently. rather than trying to force yours to work in a way that it just doesn\u2019t, try to work with your brain. get creative. make tasks more interesting by turning them into a game if that works for you (if so, check out the app habitica that turns doing tasks into a cute video game where you can earn items and characters). sometimes i put on my bluetooth headset and call my mom and ask her to talk to me while i start to clean since this helps me get started.   and as another redditor said already, therapy is a great tool and resource.  ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ap1miq", "comment_id": "ap1miq"}, {"question": "i just got out of the mental hospital.", "description": "so, i've had posts here and in sw recently, and i figured i'd let folks know how that went.  i checked myself into a local mental health unit on wednesday.  my medication has been adjusted, i am now on generic zoloft, 100 mg.  it's an ssri like the citalopram was, but with a much wider dosing range, so i probably won't have to mix medications to fix things.  it wasn't nearly as terrifying this time, probably because i was voluntary admission, and probably also because i wasn't in as bad of a place, mentally.  last time i was transferred in immediately following a suicide attempt.  i didn't have hope of things being better.  this time i was suicidal, but knew there was hope, and went in intending to survive long enough for things to be fixed.  there is a reason for these places.  they aren't punishments, they aren't just prisons with better pr, and they certainly aren't bethlem house.  if you're not feeling safe with yourself, it might well be a good idea to check yourself in to a facility for a time to get better.", "answer": "welcome back!  also glad you are alright.    hospitalization was one of the best things that ever happened to me in many ways.  people think i'm seriously weird for saying this.  still, i would be dead if not for that.  your words really ring true for me.  here's to things keep looking up from here.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yru6h", "comment_id": "yru6h"}, {"question": "my pcp told me that there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis", "description": "* age 21 * sex m * height 6'3 * weight 167 * race white * duration of complaint 2 weeks * location (geographic and on body) liver and stomach * any existing relevant medical issues (if any) elevated alt levels in blood and pain inside the v shape of my chest bone * current medications (if any) clonazepam, seroquil  i asked my doctor if the blood test would detect alcoholic hepatitis and she said \"well there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis\" then i clarified by saying \"inflamed liver caused by alcohol consumption\" then she said \"yes\" but multiple websites online mention alcoholic hepatitis. so is she wrong or not?", "answer": "hepatitis is medical-speak for \"inflamed liver\" so yes, this seems like a strange kind of nit-picking. strange enough that i would argue it deviates from standards; after all, we have medical jargon so that we can be clear with each other, and doctors all know, or should know, what \"alcoholic hepatitis\" means.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9qgo2h", "comment_id": "9qgo2h"}, {"question": "cannot stop thinking about past mistakes", "description": "i'm pretty new to the ocd forums, since i was just diagnosed a month or so ago. i suffer from contamination ocd and obsessions/intrusive thoughts.  i cannot stop thinking about the stupid things i've done in life... this takes up about 4 or more hours a day. i'm constantly thinking about them and cannot get rid of them. my whole life recently has just been constant anxiety and regret.  does anyone else have intrusive thoughts like these? if so, how do you cope with it?", "answer": "my best advice would be to accept that you arent perfect, that you will make mistakes as a human, and have to move on with the best possible life while giving yourself the grace and permission to be imperfect. personal ethics can be helpful, but when they control your life, rather than just guiding it, then the rules need be re-evaluated. watch wreck it ralph. he's a \"bad guy\", but he wants to be good. he realizes through the movie that he can just be himself, a person made of good stuff and bad stuff, and thats ok. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "4qdsm8", "comment_id": "4qdsm8"}, {"question": "i'm [28/m] and just received \"we need to talk\" from my [20/f] girlfriend who feels overwhelmed in life [serious]", "description": "i received the message early in the morning followed by a short phone call from my girlfriend (20). this is a newly formed relationship (a month in) but the feelings for one another are very strong. as i know now she works all the time (pickling up doubles and working from 6am to 8pm). she has two kids and the father is sort of in the kids lives and spends time with them, but not really a dad. she also had a recent loss of a close friend to depression. right now i've been informed she feels overwhelmed and doesn't want to get me mixed up in her complicated life (along those lines) i've been through multiple relationships and only had a few serious ones (lasting between 2-4 years). something about her is completely different and i want to fight for her and show her i will not be caught in the storm but help fight through the storm and do everything i can to help carry the load off her shoulders. i need some advice on how to proceed before we meet later to talk about everything in person.   edit: thank you all for the advice and input. we have now met up and talked over some things and clearing up the air. her life is really stressing her out and she was scared that i didnt want to be with her. i have known her for a little over 2 years now but we did just recently start dating. she has had a very rough life and she truly felt that i am too good of a guy for her. we talked and will be talking more tonight but this looks like it will be patched up. again ty all for your advice sorry i didnt give much information on a broader scale but was trying to collect my thoughts and tried to keep it short.  ", "answer": "give her the space she needs. take your cues from her carefully.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63lgv6", "comment_id": "63lgv6"}, {"question": "wife hates my parents ever since our son was born. their first (and probably only) grandchild.", "description": "am i just taking this the wrong way? ever since our child was born 6 months ago my wife has been pushing my parents away. it is their first grandchild my wife's second child ( she has a teenage son) and my first. she constantly holds the fact that she raised a child already over my head when i do things differently from her, she also uses her age to her advantage too (she's 10 years older than me 29, 39). she doesn't like my parents visiting because they overstay their welcome and take too many pictures of our son. currently they visit twice a month if they're lucky and they can't even ask for pictures without her getting weird and it starting a fight. i know my parents are just loving and they help us and her mom any time we need it. she thinks they are overbearing and smothering. i can't defend them without it starting a fight and now i can't even send them pictures of their grandson either because i would have to do it behind her back and ask them not to post it on social media because it would make her mad to know i sent them pictures. i don't know what to do, my parents weren't perfect but they are good people that help anyone with anything on the drop of a hat and i feel terrible that they can't see their grandson more than twice a month. and i can't defend them, because she just thinks they want to be parents to our son and not grandparents, and that they would try to take our son away from her if we got divorced. ", "answer": "she doesn\u2019t want you sending pictures to them?  that\u2019s 90% of the fun of parenting.   what the hell is going on, man?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7483qb", "comment_id": "7483qb"}, {"question": "how do you start up with a new doctor?", "description": "38/male/white/5'10/250lbs/no health concerns.   my old doctor left the practice and i don't like the new pa i was assigned. after a year of seeing her, it's like i'm just another number, no relationship like with my old doctor, plus she sent in a prescription for something i'm allergic to. i did some research and found a doctor at a different practice that is highly rated and closer to me.  how do i start up with the new doctor without having a physical? i just had a physical with the pa in march, so i won't be due another one for a while. do i have to wait until i get sick or is there such a thing as a new patient visit? (i've only had the one primary care doctor before; in the past, i would only go to urgent cares when i was sick.) also, can i do the visit without transferring my records first? this doctor has great reviews, but if it doesn't seem like a good fit, then obviously i wouldn't want to transfer from my pa. it would probably be awkward to transfer my records to a new provider and then have to transfer them back over if it wasn't a good fit.  sorry if this is a dumb question (well, questions). i know this isn't the type usually asked here!", "answer": "yes, new patient well visits are standard. you call the office and say that's what you want to set up: you're \"establishing care\" with a new physician. you will have a physical, because the new doctor will want to make sure he's not missing something and have a baseline, but it will probably be a quick, general one.  the easiest way to transfer records is not to do it yourself. you would tell the new doctor that your records are at another clinic, sign a release of information form, and it's between the two of them to get information transferred. there's no need to rush that, especially before the first appointment. the transfer also doesn't make records disappear from your current clinic, so if you decide you don't like the new doctor there's no barrier to just not following through.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8pue1n", "comment_id": "8pue1n"}, {"question": "100 days, a quick read", "description": "hey sd today is 100 days days for me and i thought i would share my progress. since quitting i have been through christmas, new year's eve, a professional football game, several events that drinking was heavily involved in, two out of town trips with groups of friends who were drinking the whole time and a vacation with my family who are all big drinkers. i did all of this without drinking!  the first few weeks were really difficult and i credit this sub for getting me through it.  two weeks after quitting drinking i decided to switch to a plant based diet and started working out again.  i have lost 25 pounds and i feel awesome!  my brain works better, i started performing better at work and got offered a new job that is cooler and pays better than my old one.  my marriage is in a much better place. my wife told me after a few weeks of sobriety that she was thinking about leaving due to my drinking and we are working through a bunch of back logged issues.  i'm a better and more patient parent.  my liver is no longer fatty, all labs are back to normal.  my energy level is through the roof, i'm very happy, i'm less anxious and i can drive anywhere anytime without fear of being pulled over.  to those who are new, you can do it and it's totally worth it.  thanks sd!!!! ", "answer": "congrats! i'll be joining you shortly :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "60wu4t", "comment_id": "60wu4t"}, {"question": "my abusive ex boyfriend(18) got his girlfriend(18, possibly) pregnant, and i'm worried about her.", "description": "my ex was abusive in many aspects. he was controlling, emotionally abusive, psychologically abusive, verbally abusive, sexually abusive and sometimes physically abusive, and my heart goes out to this girl, and i feel like i need to save her from him. he's bad, and i don't want her or their baby to go through something like his manipulation. he told her he wasn't going to help her with the baby, and he didn't love it or want it. i really don't know what to do, i feel the need to save her. but if i talk to her, he might go through her phone and see that i was talking to her. i need help, i need advice. please and thank you.", "answer": "that\u2019s a real tight spot. consider hers, yours, and the baby\u2019s safety. it\u2019s really amazing that you care about her and i hope there\u2019s a safe way to approach the situation.", "topic": "domesticviolence", "post_id": "bf4ld5", "comment_id": "bf4ld5"}, {"question": "does it get better?", "description": "i\u2019m currently in a day program (6hrs/day 5days/week) following one of several involuntary admissions to a psychiatric ward. i try and try to do normal things like go to college and have a job and relationships but time and time again i fuck everything up. my therapist casually mentioned bpd the other day, and when i asked her what it was she explained and said it had been my diagnosis for some time now (apparently everyone but me knew.) i did research on it and it\u2019s like reading my own life story, it\u2019s wild how accurate it is to me.  while i\u2019m happy to have a definitive diagnosis in a way...it seems like this is the worst one i could have gotten. i feel like instead of it being something that i can then go and treat it\u2019s just a confirmation like \u201cyup your minds messed up! sorry\u201d i\u2019ve been through extensive therapy, medication, everything, and i never feel better. has anyone \u201crecovered\u201d or at least been in remission or lessened their thoughts to a point where they could basically function? ", "answer": "consistently i hear from and watch clients get to a point where their emotions (thoughts too) are understood as suggestions about the world instead of as reality. that's kinda the entire process in a nutshell.   people get there to the extent they take the courageous steps, be okay with it taking two infinities longer than they want it to, and stay alive to witness it happen. so yes people get very very much so better. not everyone, but from what you've shared so far you have so the qualities of someone with a good prognosis", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7jfo4c", "comment_id": "7jfo4c"}, {"question": "what can be the cause of high aptt?", "description": "age: 19 sex: f history of high aptt in family: none currently changed countries and started university. aptt: 40 seconds geographical location : ontario,  canada  my doctors appointment is two weeks later and i was just curious about the cause, symptoms  and cures of high aptt.", "answer": "is this the only abnormal result? why was the test ordered in the first place?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5nrp3c", "comment_id": "5nrp3c"}, {"question": "long term effects of red wine use: is it really as bad as my friend says it is?", "description": "30 year old male who has no happiness in life; anxiety, depression, ocd, bipolar, asperger\u2019s syndrome that makes me super sensitive to sound etc....  what would be the long term effects of not exercising from friday to sunday and drinking .55 liters of pinot noir every f/s/su until i die?  is it really as bad as my friend makes it out to be e.g. permanently damaging my liver, brain, and body? i take quite a different stance as i believe in neurogenesis and that stress is worse than alcohol. i have a lot of stress, even from past trauma: the alcohol stops me from thinking about it. no therapist as yet has been able to help. i believe in logotherapy, but most therapists don\u2019t do that because they\u2019d rather just bleed you dry than give you a cure.", "answer": "alcohol has, on many people, negative physical and mental effects. the amounts you describe certainly are above the recommended daily intake levels in many countries (recommendations differ per region).  in your case, i'd be most worried about the negative effects on sleep quality and consequently risk of inducing mood instability given you have bipolar disorder.   also, as you probably know, alcohol isn't known for its beneficial effects on feeling bad (long term).  my advice would be to ask yourself what your long term goals are and whether wine is helpful or not in that regard.  i personally expect the right therapist can help you, but i understand motivation/expectations can be an issue if you've had some negative experiences in this regard.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f7zlkc", "comment_id": "f7zlkc"}, {"question": "how can you tell whether you\u2019re overreacting or whether your feelings are actually valid?", "description": "i\u2019ve been diagnosed with bpd last month, and ever since then, i\u2019ve been questioning my feelings. every time i feel upset i start to wonder if it\u2019s because of my bpd or if it\u2019s because it\u2019s okay for me to feel this way. does this happen to anyone else? how do you differentiate?", "answer": "confirm with others, be suspicious of the immediate feeling or reaction (give it time), check back in after physiological regulation (a run, swim, workout or nap), be really worried about the \"this always happens!\" or \"i know what's going to happen next\" feelings, know your themes for over reaction or historical trauma and heavily question when those themes show back up.", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "eh2bdk", "comment_id": "eh2bdk"}, {"question": "girlfriend cheated on me with another girl.", "description": "so my girlfriend told me she'd been with another girl a couple of months ago. they had kissed and touched eachother. i just can't shake it off. i feel betrayed but it also doesn't feel \"that bad\". if she would've cheated on me with another guy i would've have felt way worse and probably wouldn't forgive her but now it feels atleast bearable. but i can't stop thinking about it. i forgave her but now it feels worse when i think about them together... i don't know what to do.", "answer": "she might not be ready for a committed rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kgpim", "comment_id": "5kgpim"}, {"question": "i have a lot of questions \ud83d\ude02 i\u2019m at a point in life where i genuinely want to improve myself and i would really appreciate any advice/tips!", "description": "ahhhh hey! thanks for clicking on this ^^ if you scroll down, you\u2019ll find the questions but the information below this is just to provide context \ud83d\udc93  i would love to introduce myself but i made this account anonymous for privacy haha  basic background info: 16f  due to traumatic past experiences like bullying and betrayal, i have trust issues and have developed social anxiety.   trust me, i don\u2019t want to feel this way. social anxiety sucks! i grew up as an idealistic child with the ideal that all people are internally good and that might have been one of the things that fucked me up.   i\u2019m over the bullying now and refuse to victimise myself but as the result of bullying, backstabbing, stress and being forced to grow up and mature in a situation that wasn\u2019t very kind to me, i\u2019ve realised that i lack a lot of social skills and at the very least, possibly the ability to detect social cues. when i was a child, people told me to \u201cbe a kid once in a while\u201d and that i was way too mature for my age. i suppose as a kid i thought being mature was a good thing (and i still suppose it is today), but i ended up getting along better with adults then i did with children (or as of now, teenagers)  if i talk about my past, this will be too long to read \ud83d\ude02 so i\u2019ll try to get to the point. things are better now and i do have people who care for me and i\u2019m super super grateful for them. but i\u2019m super introverted now, i find small talk kinda boring sometimes and have no idea how to make it and i\u2019m curious to know how to converse better and how to gain people\u2019s respect.   i don\u2019t have a lot of things in common with the girls in my class and although i do have common interests with some of the boys, some of them don\u2019t talk openly with me in class because the girls and boys in my class typically don\u2019t talk to each other. i wanna talk and learn about politics, history, philosophy and maybe even fashion! i\u2019m literally okay with talking about most things but uwu it doesn\u2019t seem to be working well. i\u2019m even open to talking about things i know nothing about because it\u2019s fun to learn about new things but gah so far some of my attempts have been unsuccessful and i wanna increase the success rate ya know? \ud83e\udd2a\u263a\ufe0f  i\u2019m leaving a lot of info out uwu but this is my first post so i hope it isn\u2019t too hard to read!   questions: 1) how do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?  2) how do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?  3) how does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve?   4) when i\u2019m around big groups, i get super anxious. does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93  5) i\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people i\u2019m really comfortable with. i switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when i\u2019m more comfortable with people. but i feel awkward and get anxious when i meet new people and idk how to get over that. any tips?   6) any of y\u2019all want to be friends? or senseis, or moms or bros :p \u270a\ud83c\udffb we love a good sista \ud83d\ude0c\u2728   by the way, thanks! i appreciate any help i can get lmaoo. even if you don\u2019t say anything (because you don\u2019t know what to say or you\u2019re not really into commenting), thank you for being here, i appreciate you! ahhhh i have so many questions that hasn\u2019t come to my head yet but i hope i did okay. again, thanks everybody! \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "1) how do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?  practice, practice, practice.  every single person on earth has anxiety to some degree.  the more you avoid things that cause your anxiety, the worse it gets, the more you confront things that cause your anxiety and do it anyway, the more manageable it becomes, though it never goes away completely for anyone.    2) how do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?  simple.... you can't.  if you can't identify a similar interest or something you have in common, you won't be able to click with them.  i do believe though if you and the other person are open and willing, if you try hard enough, no matter who they are you can find at least one thing in common with them.    3) how does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve?   find role-models.  they can be real people you know, famous people, fictional characters.  pick out a few people who are very good at particular social skills you want to work on.  observe how they act and conduct themselves and practice imitating it.  eventually, it'll feel less forced and become part of how you naturally act.    4) when i\u2019m around big groups, i get super anxious. does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93  it sounds like you're an introvert.  there's nothing wrong with being an introvert.  although it's a bit of a long and heavy read, i'd recommend reading quiet by susan cain.  it'll help you feel less guilty or bad about being introverted.  one thing introverts do in situations like this that often helps is to pick out 1 or 2 people in the larger group and focus on connecting on a deeper level with them instead of trying to do the proverbial extrovert behavior of \"working the room\".    5) i\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people i\u2019m really comfortable with. i switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when i\u2019m more comfortable with people. but i feel awkward and get anxious when i meet new people and idk how to get over that. any tips?   this is something that the majority of people experience.  the thing is, you can't read their minds or know what's going on inside for them, while you know exactly what's going on for you.  just like you can't read others minds and see their anxiety, others can't see yours most of the time, even if it feels like they can.  be mindful of this and work on accepting that most folks are more anxious and guarded upon meeting new people until they've gotten to know them.  there's nothing inherently wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "el9elt", "comment_id": "el9elt"}, {"question": "today a co-worker said that i look real sad", "description": "\"no no, im just lost in my thoughts haha\"", "answer": "yesterday at work i said something along the lines of \u201cwhen i don\u2019t get enough sleep i get really crabby\u201d and someone laughed and said \u201cyou get crabby?? i cannot picture you even remotely crabby!\u201d this same person also laughed in disbelief when i said i was very introverted.  high functioning dysthymia - where you\u2019re always exhausted and numb but no one believes your pain! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "91fiih", "comment_id": "91fiih"}, {"question": "i was unfit for work", "description": "graduated as a registered nurse in 2017.   2018 i worked as a registered nurse.   start of 2019, i resigned because i was suicidal. have had multiple car accidents and overdoses. so i was in psychiatry and psychology all throughout 2019.   it's now 2020 and i want to get back into practice but employers will ask me where i have been and why i have to be monitored/supervised for medication administration.   should the gap be mentioned in my resume? to keep it real, or to not keep it real? what do i say without going into all this detail? and will i be able to find work again due to what has happened in 2019?", "answer": "in practice you should be honest (probity is pretty important in healthcare...). lying about your health and then suffering a relapse in the future is just going to ruin your life more than disclosing it from the outset. you could be referred to whatever nursing regulatory agency that provides your nursing registration.  depending on your country, youll have legislation that prohibits discrimination on health grounds. in the uk any significant health condition needs to be disclosed but its not considered in any application or interview.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f7ryzv", "comment_id": "f7ryzv"}, {"question": "i'm [22f] too emotional and sensitive. i take things to personally, and it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend [23m]. how do i overcome this?", "description": "ugh, where to begin. my boyfriend and i been together for 7.5 years. i'm really emotional, clingy and needy and he's not. i need attention from my boyfriend not constant attention but enough to keep me satisfied. if i don't get it, my mind starts racing with negative thoughts and try to figure out what i did to him to be acting like this. i hate this it's so immature.   like for example, we were supposed to go to the gym together. he canceled because he didn't feel like going and wanted to hang out with his buddys instead. i got a little upset about it. i didn't want him to go hang out with his friends.   last week, i texted him \"goodnight i love you\" he responded saying \"whatever\". i told if everything was fine he didn't respond and i start to freak out. sometimes he will say mean jokes i take them personally.   today, i called him twice and sent him a few messages. he didn't respond. i started freaking out. he later called me and told me he was taking a nap.   i too emotional how can i fix this? honestly i don't know why i've been very emotional. sorry english isn't my first language ", "answer": "his actions are inappropriate.  hard to know if you're too needy until you're with a more considerate, loving kind of guy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xscqx", "comment_id": "6xscqx"}, {"question": "my little brother killed himself", "description": "hi, all.   i'll get straight to the point--a few weeks ago, my little brother killed himself, and i found him. i've been haunted by the image of it, as well as the reality that's come along with it... especially at night, when i try to sleep. i didn't have much sobriety time prior to this, but i felt as though i was doing better.   naturally, the first thing i did once everything had sort of simmered down the night it happened was go buy a case of beer. same old story. i was overwhelmed and i just wanted to escape. essentially, i'm just doing what i've always done--drinking to erase pain, memory, et cetera...   i don't really know where i'm going with this, honestly. i suppose i'm just asking those that have unfortunately been through something similar (and i'm terribly sorry if you have)... how did you deal with it? or even any sort of horribly traumatic event? is there a viable alternative to dealing with the pain besides drowning it? i need help of some kind because i don't know what i'm doing. ", "answer": "thanks for telling us your story. it has helped me resist the urge to kill myself.  i have remained sober a very long time and have had periodic bouts with severe depression. please remember that people kill themselves because their minds cannot see a way out of the pain.  i wish you peace and may your brother rest in peace. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3j2zry", "comment_id": "3j2zry"}, {"question": "200 days today and i'm seriously considering drinking.", "description": "i'm laying in bed and my family is not here. i'm thinking about going to grab some cash out of the atm and go to the store and just get a little bottle. nothing bad has happened to me and life is good but i just want to check out.  **update*** i went to the store and bought 4 mini bottles and got home mixed with coke stared at it and thanks to everyone that posted i found the strength to dump it down the toilet. i was shaking after i dumped it. iwnfdwyt!!", "answer": "well done mate... seriously, that\u2019s really brave. iwndwyt   are you relieved? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o5quk", "comment_id": "9o5quk"}, {"question": "hey guys. do any of you know of any good reading material on asperger's syndrome?", "description": "anything - from novels to nonfiction.", "answer": "[tony attwood's the complete guide to asperger's syndrome](WEBLINK)  i bought it for my girlfriend and entire family when i \"came out.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dmz0w", "comment_id": "1dmz0w"}, {"question": "trauma from not being able to do my special interest anymore.", "description": "this may be an unusual post. i\u2019ve never been able to find the correct wording when searching for it on google.  okay, so i used to be a very good baseball pitcher for my age (i was 15-16 years old the last time i played). but i then injured my arm & never went through with the process to recover. i did physical therapy for a short while, but i knew it was going to require surgery and knew that my parents weren\u2019t going to be able to afford/pay for it.  i\u2019m 22 now...so that life is now behind me. but to this day, it\u2019s still the only thing i\u2019ve ever cared about. we aspies tend to have very limited interests, so i wanted to know if any of you ever had a passion that was ripped away from you.   how can i let this go and find something to be passionate about again?", "answer": "i have experienced something similar. there is definitely a lot of grief associated with a loss of identity like you are talking about, and i think everyone goes through some version of such a loss, often many, throughout their lives. it can be very painful. i wonder if instead of letting it go, you could find a new way to relate to it? like studying baseball instead of playing it, maybe from a perspective of history or physics or stats, or following baseball teams or players, going to games (when this pandemic is over), writing a book or a blog or creating something like a baseball-related podcast or some baseball-related art, coaching little league or playing on local teams etc. does that feel too painful or do you think it is something you could enjoy in a different way? it might also help to find something \"new,\" but i think to find that you're just going to have to do a lot of exploration and experimentation to figure out what feeds you.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "g7964y", "comment_id": "g7964y"}, {"question": "not sure if victim or my fault. what age is qualified to consent?", "description": "i've wanted to go to counseling for a long time because of this, but i'm always afraid of it screwing up my daily life.  i don't want to dredge the stuff i keep in a box in the back of my mind locked away and then have breakdowns at work or home.  that being said, it still comes up and i just get anxiety, act weird or try really hard to not think about it till it goes away.   as i get older (28f) i have begun to think that what happened was consensual and i just need to stop making so much of it in my head.  but if i look at it as if it happened to someone else i would grab a pitch fork and go after these people to help that person.    so, that's the my predicament.  if i can have some help from this that would be great, if not i'm where i started anyway.   parents divorced when little, father was a single parent until 4th grade, he met a woman with 2 older boys, 3 and 5 years older than me, they moved in that year.  the first year of middle school, grade 7, i lost my virginity at age 12 to a boy that was friends with the younger step brother.  he told me over the phone he would be my \"bf\" if i had sex with him.  i kinda knew what sex was, but wasn't too sure.  i was an ugly duckling so i agreed. later that year that (15/16yo) stepbrother started having sex w/ me.  he came home one night high and started touching me.  i don't know why i didn't say anything or stop him. then when we all went to bed he came to my bunkbed and told me to go in the bathroom. we had sex, which required i left my own bed and did this.     this went on for 2 years.  we were almost caught in the middle of the night by his mother, i hid in the closet, she pulled me out by the hair and sent me to my room.  no questions were asked and soon after that they made me go to my first annual exam and i was put on birth control.  my 2 best friends knew but i swore them to secrecy and besides the sexual part he would beat me up/wrestle roughly when no one else was home.    when i got my first high school boyfriend all this stopped.  i told my bf and he told me he would keep my safe from him.  now that i was in my second year of high school that step brother had moved out so i wasn't ever around him.  when i turned 18 i moved across the county and cut off contact with that part of my family.     every year since they moved in the woman my father married emotionally/verbally abused me.  i thought i was fat, was anorexic and bulimic, had very low confidence and tried to work as much as possible to stay away from home.    the things i am angry about: i am fairly sure she knew, and that my father did as well.  i'm angry they didn't protect me. i'm angry he closed his eyes to something so obvious.  i'm angry at myself, for leaving as quickly as i could (moved out the day i graduated) and left my little sis in that mess (she's 3 years younger) i'm even more angry she might have been abused by him too.   things i'm not even sure about: i don't know if i was sexually abused. i let this happen.  i was a very intelligent child, had a high reading comprehension, witty and sociable.  the sociable part died the longer the woman was around.  i turned into a shy person until my early 20's because i thought everything that came out of my mouth was stupid.  so how could that smart child let that happen with very little cohesion?  i wasn't being bribed or blackmailed.  am i making up being abused if i consented? even if i was a minor?  i am checking out the links in the side bar.  thanks for anyone who read this long story.  it's complicated, as are my thoughts on it.     ", "answer": "everything in your story says you did not consent. you were abused, and the people who should have protected you turned a blind eye. i'm so sorry that this happened to you. please reconsider therapy, you may find it does a lot of good in helping you let go of some of the blame you are carrying for this.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "1pwiwh", "comment_id": "1pwiwh"}, {"question": "i have no understanding of how a relationship works...", "description": "my parents' marriage stopped being happy by the time i can remember, my mom is a horrible female role model (who is barely a part of my life), and all of the other romantic relationships i grew up with (grandparents, aunt and uncles, etc.) were all equally dysfunctional. as a result i have no understanding of how a romantic relationship actually works. or how flirting works. i watch couples around me play and flirt and it just makes no sense to me.  any advice?", "answer": "role models play a huge part in how we conceptualize and understand relationships, especially romantic ones.     unfortunately for you, you don't seem to have any positive role models to point to a relationship and say \"that looks healthy.  i want a relationship like that.\"    on the other hand, it sounds like you have many examples of anti-role models where you can say \"i'm not quite sure what i want, but i know i don't want that!\"     figuring out what you don't want is just as hard as figuring out what you do want for many folks.  the best advice i can give is to try to seek out couples who's relationships appear to be healthy and either ask or observe how they are and interact with each other.     in terms of flirting, nobody flirts the exact same way.  the underlying idea is to playfully and subtly show the person you're flirting with that you're attracted to them and would like more than just a platonic friendship without having to explicitly say it.  that being said, doing subtle things that you might not do with someone you were only interested in as a friend.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dpqzu7", "comment_id": "dpqzu7"}, {"question": "podcasts or videos for anxiety?", "description": "hello. i'm new here but i've had emetophobia for 17 years. i've recently gotten back into therapy. one thing i talked about with my therapist was how i constantly wake up in the middle of the night extremely anxious, most of the time because i get anxious that i'll be sick. once i'm up, i usually can't fall back asleep for a few hours because of the anxiety. she suggested to find some podcasts or even videos to keep close by to turn on when this happens. i'm wondering if anyone has listened to any podcasts or anything that has been helpful for anxiety, or even just any interesting podcasts that could take my mind off of things. any suggestions would be helpful! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "hey there! for reducing general feelings of anxiety, mindfulness and progressive relaxation videos on youtube are nice. for distraction, i personally love nerdy stuff like history documentaries and science shows! my favorite youtube channels for that stuff are allthemeddocs (documentaries) and vsauce (science)!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7czsr4", "comment_id": "7czsr4"}, {"question": "what happens after i give up my cats for allergic partner?", "description": "i'm [30s/f] with a wonderful man [30s/m] who is unfortunately severely allergic to my 2 cats. he can't and won't live with cats. he's not willing to try the medication or filters or anything else, and there isn't really a compromise that involves keeping the cats.  i love my cats, but i love people more and i want a future with this man. my family will take the cats, and they will have a very happy life with them where i can visit. rationally, i accept that this is what is best for my partner, the cats, the relationship, and my future.  emotionally, however, this sad conclusion isn't sitting well. i cry about this a lot.   what i wonder about is, how will i feel when they are gone? will i always feel an emptiness when i open the door and don't see furry friends running up to greet me? when i'm watching tv and they are not there leaning against me or on my lap? when i see friends posting pics on fb of their furry friends?  i hope and pray that we will have children soon, and i know that will be a far more powerful bond and love than the cats. but i worry about how i will feel if that takes a long time, as it very well might. will i miss the cats forever? will i be able to not hold it against him?", "answer": "my wife gave up her cats for me in 1978. of course there were no allergy shots for cats back then. i would have taken them.     now i sleep with our cat and dog, as my allergies waned over time. it's tough when you love animals. he's making a choice too; a choice to not even try. a tough one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fb9u0", "comment_id": "6fb9u0"}, {"question": "(m/14) i'm confused about a guy (m/14)", "description": "i've had a crush for a girl for 2 years now, and she rejected me a year ago. i met a hot, smart, charismatic boy when school started up again, and he's got me so f----ng confused. my feelings for the girl seem to be on and off, and she hates me. i've got a chance with this boy, though. but when the feelings aren't there, i keep wanting them back, and... ugh, i'm so confused about them. could i please get some advice?", "answer": "like the guy?  hang out with the guy. if he\u2019s down, make out with the guy.  like the girl who hates you and has rejected you?  avoid the girl.  sometimes have strong feelings that come and go?  normal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "759o6n", "comment_id": "759o6n"}, {"question": "i'm in hospital still because my ptsd got really bad again. just came home for the weekend and my house has been broken into and trashed.", "description": "that's it really. just don't think any one without active ptsd would understand how few places you ever feel safe and my only one is destroyed. but i'm rebuilding. i shut down completely for about 24 hours and had to be taken back to hosp. couldn't move, couldn't speak, think and could barely hear or see anything.   i was told to try and not engage in hyper vigilance but that was already hard. i'm holding my own now.  we have no money, they couldn't have picked a worse house. i'm on a disability social welfare payment and my partner works part time.   there was no back door when i walked in. that's been fixed already.   they took and broke things. maybe about \u20ac4000 worth of stuff. all the jewellery my mother left me. all our consoles,ps3 ps4, even our old sega's.  but things that were home, ours. smashed jars of garden seed i've collected over the years. house plants that were my parents and then mine that were even older than me.  i've put it all back together.  i'm fighting those thoughts that say i was an idiot to work all these years to not constantly feel ready for the next attack. the next time the rug was pulled out from under me. for fighting against an illness that tells me i am always moments from disaster.  i am angry that i do work so hard and i have done so well that this has happened.  but i'll keep trying. and it's ok.  i love my home. and i love my friends and i will keep working and trying as long as i need, to get every good thing out of life and to lose as little of it as possible to my ptsd.   this would be hard for any one.  i do think there are few illnesses worse than ptsd to have when this kind of thing happens.   but i kick ass and will continue to after this.   ps. people who break into houses are assholes.", "answer": "fantastic attitude!  you can't control the world but you have half a shot at determining how to approach it", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2uazxw", "comment_id": "2uazxw"}, {"question": "my (17/f) boyfriend (18/m) is letting his baby mama stay with him and his grandmother because she has no where to go. we are in a long distance relationship, and i was just wondering if it's okay to be anxious about it?", "description": "honestly, i don't know how to completely explain this. i'm a 17 year old female as stated above. i guess i just want to make sure what i'm feeling is normal? my boyfriend (18) and i are in a completely serious relationship. i know what you're thinking. i'm 'too' young to know what love is or whatever. but, it's an completely different situation with us. i'll explain why in just a second.  okay, let me start by explaining the background between us. my boyfriend and i met my freshman year of high school. we were just friends, but i always had feelings for him. then, my sophomore year, he got the only girl he had ever been with pregnant. he was 15 and she was 17. i was only 14 at the time. we still managed to be bestfriends and he would talk to me about all the problems that him and his girlfriend where having. he said he was only staying with her because of his child she was having. they were always having lots of problems. and after his daughter (now 2) was born, his girlfriend and him moved to florida so he could be with his very sick grandfather. we still kept in touch and he would talk to me when he was having problems. then, him and his baby mama broke up because she was cheating on him with this guy who lived down there. she, then, moved in with the boyfriend. my boyfriend has custody of his daughter( the baby's mom did some things that are completely unforgiveable).  now to my problem, me and my boyfriend have a great relationship full of trust and love. i am certain he would never cheat on me, he is the sweetest thing and knows what it's like to be cheated on. however, we are in a long distance relationship because i have to finish high school. however, i plan on moving down there after graduation, and attending college. we also try to fly or drive to see each other as frequently as possible. (i live in georgia; him in florida). i get along great with his family and his 2 year old daughter. but, recently his baby mama and boyfriend broke up. so, now she is living with my boyfriend and his grandmother. his grandmother is a kind woman and knows she has no family down there. she also knows that she is the child's mom and doesn't want her on the streets. should i be concerned? or is it normal to have anxiety over it? i completely trust my boyfriend and he lets me know everyday that i'm the only one he wants. his baby mama sleeps in a completely different room, and my boyfriend says they hardly talk. he has had feelings of hatred towards her of not wanting to be there for the child and for cheating on him for a while now. but, i still get nervous about it, i don't know, is that stupid? i'm just not living there to know how they act together and my mom asked me today if i thought it was weird. i really love him and i trust him, i just need to know if it's okay to feel the way i do? ", "answer": "it comes down to trusting him or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc0rd", "comment_id": "5kc0rd"}, {"question": "can anyone answer a few questions?", "description": "i do not have bulimia and do not want it but i have some questions.  1. do you guys like throwing up? if so why? 2. do you guys get grossed out by other people throwing up? 3. do you care if you get the flu or anything like that?", "answer": "1) sometimes. because you know when you\u2019re done that you\u2019re empty and clean again  2) my #1 phobia, actually  3) while it gives me an \u201cexcuse\u201d, i\u2019d rather be in control", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "cgliay", "comment_id": "cgliay"}, {"question": "is it safe to get vaccinated when you have chronic lyme?", "description": "me: 31f, 5\u20194\u201d; 125 lbs, white, new england.  other person: 9f, 50?lbs, white, new england.   i recently discovered my daughters friend has not vaccinated her children. she claims this is because they have chronic lyme disease so it is not safe for them to be vaccinated. i\u2019ve been told that this child does not have an active infection but instead, was born with lyme disease, and has  \u201ccompromised having lyme and mthfr genetic markers, she\u2019s actually more at risk having the vaccine\u201d.   i have an organ transplant, and take two immunosuppressants (prograft and prednisone). my transplant team has advised me that it is safe for me to receive vaccines except for live vaccines, so it doesn\u2019t make sense to me that lyme would be a good reason to avoid vaccination. because these folks also believe in a bunch of other weird stuff like essential oils and healing crystals, i am doubting that a doctor actually told them this.   would chronic lyme disease be a legitimate reason to not get vaccinated?   thank you. ", "answer": "chronic lyme disease is not a medically recognized disease. it is not real. congenital lyme is possible, but it\u2019s extremely rare and usually diagnosed by the same quacks who diagnose chronic lyme. those quacks may be mds, but they\u2019re still not practicing standard medicine. various mthfr alleles are real but have no recognized clinical significance.  usually being immunocompromised is extra reason to get vaccinated. you want all the immunity you can get! there are cases where it\u2019s futile and some vaccines with live viruses where it is riskier, but plenty of vaccines are recommended.  in short, no, this story doesn\u2019t make sense and the child should get vaccines. but various types of pseudo-medicine often go together, and opposition to vaccines, chronic lyme, mthfr, and crystals can all fall under that umbrella.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "a0oh9k", "comment_id": "a0oh9k"}, {"question": "a possible theory for why adhd is so highly comorbid with bpd", "description": "so apparently around 25% of people with bpd also have adhd...  what could account for this other than adhd predisposing people to developing these kinds of disorders because of increased sensitivity or something? and since adhd is highly genetic, children with adhd are more likely to have parents with adhd who are therefore more likely to well not be very good parents to say the least...   e.g. my dad displays many adhd symptoms and had a lot of issues growing up (and his suspected adhd may have predisposed him to developing these issues), which negatively affected my upbringing... i was also just surrounded by a lot of violent behaviour growing up, and i wouldn't be surprised if some of those perpetrators of violence also suffered from something like adhd...   i was surrounded by quite a bit of destructive alcoholism and alcoholism is statistically higher among those with adhd...  so i don't know...  why do you think that adhd and bpd are highly comorbid? ", "answer": "as someone with adhd, intensity is one way to activate me to be able to focus and concentrate. so it makes sense ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7a2stw", "comment_id": "7a2stw"}, {"question": "[update] i'm destroying my own life with my own hands.", "description": "update to this: WEBLINK  so... i'm broke, so i couldn't see a doctor. but i did check into the er late last saturday night. i went alone on the bus and walked through downtown to the hospital covered by my insurance, at almost midnight. some asshole hollered at me from up in a parking garage and i flipped them off. as i drunkenly made my way to the hospital, terrified and frustrated, i could hear the jerk say something like \"oh, she thinks she's badass.\"  no, i didn't. i don't. i was lost and scared and going to get help.  the er was pretty much empty, everyone asked me why, at the age of 23, i was drinking so much. it was pretty awful to think about but they mostly seemed to be good intentioned. after taking my blood, they told me my bac was either .341 or .314, i can't really remember. i hope it was .314, because then i could consider the day i decided to live my \"pi\" day (i know it's 3.14 but i still like the idea).  they kept me from saturday night to monday afternoon. i couldn't walk on my own and had to call a nurse every time i needed to use the bathroom. i had a stationary iv needle in my arm and had three iv drips, two were rally packs, and one was just a hydrating saline mixture. i was given ativan to help with my tremors and the possibility of seizures.  my bpm was 116 when i was admitted. my blood pressure was somewhere around 170/130. they gave me an ultrasound so they could see my organs. it was a harrowing experience. i never want to go through it again. and having to miss work on monday means i won't be able to pay my rent.  but that's okay. because i'm going to be alive. yeah, i still want to drink. it's habitually entwined in my life, but i know that urge will dissipate slowly into the background. i know i can beat this.  i've been 100% sober since monday, my first fully sober day in over a year.  my bf is proud. my friends are proud. my boss even texted me to let me know he's proud. and my family will never know my dark secret, which will remain in the past.  thank you, r/stopdrinking. i'll be a new regular here. :)", "answer": "what a huge step you've made. everything you mentioned is a small battle. you're strong for getting yourself to the hospital - getting through those rough days- and being honest with yourself and others. you should be proud of your big step. i will not drink with you today. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "47f4bm", "comment_id": "47f4bm"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "i live in canada (province of ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,  is this too expensive?  she practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees  how much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "there is no too much or little. any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "9cdqvu"}, {"question": "can't trust myself", "description": "so i have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. i suffer with mental illness, in the past i used drugs to cope but i have recently went to rehab and solved that problem. but in my mind i'm always feeling something that i don't let everybody else see. i feel so fake like i want everyone to know the truth about me. but now i also have this belief that everyone is fake, and now i'm not able to trust anymore because i can't trust myself. i love my girlfriend but i feel as though i'm not enough because my mental illness puts some restrictions on my life. should i take some time to work on myself or stay with the girl of my dreams and try to get better?", "answer": "i assume you have a therapist and take meds. be open and honest. if the relationship is strong, you'll work through it together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tg4j", "comment_id": "70tg4j"}, {"question": "i know it works.. so why is it so damn hard to stay motivated?", "description": "over the past few months, i've begun to do basic weight training about once a week. my initial and ongoing goal is to build muscle, but it had the secondary benefit of improving my mental health. i feel more balanced and less moody than i have been in the past.   however, often (on days like today) when i don't have any plans or pressing obligations and the weather is dreary, i just want to lay in bed.   it's a conundrum that the thing that would likely make me feel better is the last thing that i want to do. i will be better in a day or two when i'm back at work being productive. it's really frustrating that i have such a hard time enjoying time off.   i have been able to force myself to walk, which is a good thing. outside of that, i basically wait for my body and mind to reset.   how regimented are you all? do you have some days when exercise is completely out of the question?   ", "answer": "my main goal is just dont quit. i go twice a week and make it as fun as possible (i do meditation, cardio, have a snack, and change my actual work out whenever.) i don't make big gains, but that's not my goal. when i don't feel like going, i just wear my clothes, and try for 5 min. most of the time, i finish my workout. i also go right after work, so it's part of my scheduled. basically, i minimize the choices (when, what to do, how i will do it, etc) and maximize the fun (have a snack, do exercises i like, listen to music, etc.)", "topic": "eood", "post_id": "34xs93", "comment_id": "34xs93"}, {"question": "mental health care in the us is a joke.", "description": "my doctor: does this medicine work for you?  me: no. i feel no different on it.   doctor: i\u2019m gonna up the dosage.   me: but it doesn\u2019t work  doctor: \u00af\\_(\u30c4)_/\u00af", "answer": "one thing i can say that was very frightening and eye opening working in the field and working closely with psychiatrists was the reality that medicine is in no way shape or form an exact science.  in almost any given circumstance, doctor's don't know what will work but make the best educated guess and then look at the results to inform their next decision.     with psychiatric medicine it's even more guesswork as there aren't really any tests to objectively measure most psychiatric symptoms compared to say x-rays for broken bones.     of course like with any profession, some psychiatrists are much better at making their educated guesses than others, but for most folks finding the best medication regimen is going to be a trial and error process.  sometimes meds that will be the best aren't effective at lower doses.  sometimes it requires a different type of medication.  some psych meds cause more side effects than others, so in most cases, doctors will try various meds or different doses that cause less side effects before moving on to other medications where the side effects may be worse than the presenting problem.     i understand your frustration and there are plenty of problems with healthcare and especially mental healthcare in the u.s. when it comes to very high costs, access to treatment, etc. but as far as i know this sort of trial and error process isn't different in the u.s. from anywhere else in regards to psychiatric care.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91tclv", "comment_id": "91tclv"}, {"question": "dae not mind being alone?", "description": "anybody else relate? i prefer being alone, to be honest. i used to hate it. i used to jump from one relationship to another with no break in-between and constantly wanted to talk to somebody. i don't know why this has changed? then again, people are huge triggers to me and i'm better off without them. i've emotionally shut off now. i know it's a defence mechanism and it's unhealthy but i've been okay this way.   i see pwbpd often saying they hate being alone, but i can't relate to that anymore. i'd rather be alone with my thoughts, even though they're overwhelming sometimes.", "answer": "i often prefer it. no social paranoia or anxious self-consciousness ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7jiljt", "comment_id": "7jiljt"}, {"question": "might have swallowed something dangerous, need some opinions on what to do.", "description": "i was eating some chili from wendy's just now and i bit down on the fork too hard i guess, for two of the prongs broke off near their tops, and somehow one of them made a beeline straight down my throat.   WEBLINK  there's a picture of the remains, what i swallowed is essentially the same size of the smaller broken off piece there.   is this gonna fuck with my intestines passing it? i'm kind of thinking what i swallowed is way too small to do anything, but since it is a fucking pointy sharp piece, i'm a little worried...", "answer": "i'd probably feel the same. it's likely to pass through without causing any problems.  thankfully the human body has evolved to tolerate such indiscretions or we would have died as a species a long time ago.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5itbv8", "comment_id": "5itbv8"}, {"question": "dhea/testosterone levels", "description": "so my diagnosis a while back was in contention. one doctor diagnosed me because of elevated dhea and minutely high a1c. my home gp disagreed because my testosterone levels weren't elevated at all - free, calcium bound, or total. anyone else is a similar boat? elevated dhea but normal testosterone?", "answer": "yep, i have elevated dhea-s but normal testosterone (free and total), and a pcos diagnosis. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "424877", "comment_id": "424877"}, {"question": "anyone with adhd work as a practising psychologist? does it affect your work?", "description": "i am in my final year of university before becoming a psych and the intensity of study + add is really adding up. might have to pursue medication as i've been trying to write a report for 5 days now but my brain feels like it's being ripped apart when i try to focus. wondering how this could affect my future career goals and your experience. thanks!", "answer": "i do :)  i have to admit, after medication i became a better psychologist. but i did it without medication well anyway. the only thing it really i pacts is my ability to follow the whole conversation, not just aspects. on meds i can remember what they've said, notice their affect, do something with it all and reflect it in a way that makes sense.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ij8jl4", "comment_id": "ij8jl4"}, {"question": "h. pylori - do all family members need to be checked out?", "description": "my mother (52 years old, about 5'5\", probably around 140 lbs, asian, located in los angeles county) was tested positive for h. pylori. she was prescribed biaxin, amoxicillin, and prevacid (twice a day for 14 days). she had an upper endoscopy performed and i believe her results included ulcers.  we all live together under one roof (mother, father, my sister, my husband, and myself). my mother does all the cooking on a daily basis.  do all of us need to be tested for h. pylori as well? if so, do we need to take the medications in the same 14-day period? my mother has not started taking her medications yet because she is concerned about the side effects (she is prone to headaches and nausea) and thinks that if we also test positive, that we should all start and finish the medications at the same time.  help would be much appreciated, thanks!", "answer": "theres no need to check everyone, only individuals with symptoms that might suggest h pylori infection.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5p1d01", "comment_id": "5p1d01"}, {"question": "hung out with a girl and made it awkward now what?", "description": "i don't know how to undo the issue and i feel kinda bad about it", "answer": "find out if you have any shared interests.  make a plan to do that.  even if not,  suggesting something like games or recreation activities are generally great date ideas if you're on the younger side.  mini-golf, shooting pool, going ice or roller skating, or anything along those lines.  they give you something to do but also the opportunity to talk, get to know each other, and flirt as opposed to say watching tv or going to the movies.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "938xg3", "comment_id": "938xg3"}, {"question": "29m 6'0'' 155ishlbs just had my sixth 'seizure' i have been to 4 different hospitals and nobody seems to know why.", "description": "to  be frank, no doctor has ever diagnosed me with a seizure, by the time i  make it to the hospital the worst has passed and i am in a somewhat  normal physical state at that point. i will also add that i am extremely  stubborn and will refuse to go so a professional unless i fear for my  life(i'm american)  moving forward, i am going to describe each instance and what treatment or aftermath came from it.  1st  instance, spring 2015 2ish pm: i was at work in a restaurant doing my  prep work before service when i noticed something was wrong. i started  to feel the \"pins and needles\" feeling you get from a limb that fell  asleep, but i felt it in my head. this was odd but i didn't think much  of it at the time. very shortly after the feeling spread throughout my  body which at that point concerned me so i told my boss and asked if i  could go to the hospital(20 minute drive). a few minutes into my drive  my hands started to \"clench\", and then my arms to the point i had to  pull over and call a family member to come get me. waiting for them the  \"clenching\" spread through my arms and legs but i still had my wits and  was capable of being somewhat mobile. i waited about 15 minutes before  family showed up and brought me to the hospital, upon arrival the worst  had passed. they put me on an iv drip, monitored me for a few hours and  then sent me home. no diagnoses or explanation  2nd  instance, fall 2016 8ish pm: living in a different state with other  family. when i noticed something wrong i was sitting at my computer  watching youtube videos or playing games something like that. i felt the  pins and needles, thought it was odd, then my hands and arms started to  clench, this time i could also feel the muscles in my face start to  contract(?) so i got scared. called my sister and she left work, picked  me up and took me to the hospital about 30 minutes after the initial  symptoms. still mobile, still coherent. i was given an iv drip, no  diagnoses, no explanation.  3rd  instance, spring 2017 2ish am: in another state again, sitting in my  living room watching tv when i notice the pins and needles. it's the  middle of the night so i lay back and try to breath my way through it.  clenching starts in my face and arms so i get worried and wake my  roommate to take me to er. again, they give me an iv drip, monitor me  for a few hours and send me home. this time they tell me they believe i  have a potassium deficiency and i need to adjust my diet. but i'm a  professional chef and my diet is very well rounded and the list of foods  they told me to eat, i eat regularly.  4th  instance, august 10th 2019, 4ish pm: i'm at the park with my family and  friends for my sons first birthday party. i ran the grill, made food  for everyone, did cake and presents and whatnot. as the party ends and  we are packing everything up i start feeling unwell and the pins start  in. had my mom drive me home to lay down, told her if i didnt feel  better by the time she got back we would go to er. i lay on my couch and  try to breath my way through it but it gets worse, clenching in hands,  arms, legs, chest. i realize this and i struggle to call my mom and tell  her she needs to take me to the er. then i layed back flat and waited.  this was the worst and scariest incident. by the time my mom got to the  house, maybe 10 minutes, my entire body had become \"clenched\"(theres  probably a better word for this) i was laying on the ground, immobile,  all the muscles in my body were acting against me and it was very  painful. when she walked in the door i tried to say \"911\" but i wasnt  fully able to move my mouth or produce words so it took a few attempts  before she understood what i meant, i think. maybe she didnt understand  me but understood the severity of the situation. ambulance comes, i'm  surrounded by emt's and i remember struggling to ask them just to  stretch out my limbs, my arms, my fingers because they hurt so bad from  being clenched. i dont remember what was happening around me but i  vividly remember what was happening internally(?) and near me. they put  me on a thing and wheeled me to the ambulance, hooked an iv in and then  god it felt like years before we actually started to move but they took  me to the er(the hospital is a 5 minute drive from my house) when they  got me into a room i had regained most of my clarity. my arms still  weren't functioning correctly so i wasnt capable of signing any forms  myself, but i was lucid. by this time i think about an hour or two had  passed from the initial symptoms. they sent me through that big donut  looking machine, another iv drip, monitored for a few hours and as  usual, they dont know why or whats wrong with me.  5th  instance, december 9th 1 week ago, 1pm: i felt unusual since the moment  i woke up but i assumed it would go away as the day went on. went into  work, nothing was happening we had no business. started to feel anxious  and the pins came so i sat down and did my breathing hoping i could work  my way through it. after about 30 minutes it slowly intensified so i  called my boss and told her what was happening. that was the last time  that day i had any kind of dexterity with my hands. so i walked out into  the dining room, gave my phone to my co-worker and told him to call my  mom, \"i think i'm about to have a seizure\" the clenching started, my  awareness became tunneled and they layed me down on the floor.  co-workers helped me through my breathing and talked to me and helped me  remain calm so i was able to get into the car to the er. during this er  visit the doctor said that he thinks this is an anxiety issue, which  makes no sense to me because it has only happened in low stress  situations, but anyways, he prescribes me lorazepam 0.5mg and tells me  only to take it if i feel something coming on. 2 days later(last  saturday) i felt the pins so i took one. i don't really know what  happened after that.  i took one sunday also and that day is also pretty  blurry. i know that they have made me really depressed.  my  last er visit i remember the doctor asking me if i had suicidal  thoughts and i told him no, that's stupid high school shit but since  i've been on the lorazepam i have thought of shooting myself a lot. i  told my wife today that i hate these pills and they are depressing me so  she said i should try what shes been taking and i did. so today i took  one sertraline hcl 50 mg and i dont feel depressed but it definitely was  not something i want to continue.  other details:  1 pack a day smoker  6pack of pbr daily (96 oz) of light beer  i drink mostly coca-cola, rarely water  on  the bright side, i never eat fast food, my diet consists of only home  cooked meals and salads. we eat a lot of rice, potatoes, salads,  chicken, beef, venison, pork. not much bacon or fatty foods.  a  friend of mine had an ex-wife with epilepsy and he told me they had  some luck with a drug called kepra(?) otherwise he said cannabis was a  viable option. i don't like to smoke weed and where i live we cant  really get oil or edibles but does it seem to you all like a viable  option?", "answer": "it's hard to know what to make of lorazepam. it treats anxiety, but it's also an anti-seizure medication, so it would help either way. it's not appropriate long-term management for either problem.  there are several drugs for seizures. keppra is one, but far from the only one; which is best depends partly on type of seizure, which is best observed by eeg (monitoring brainwaves) over time in a hospital setting. but sometimes clear seizures can be treated without that information. cannabidiol (cbd) is a viable option for a couple of rare, serious, juvenile seizure disorders. what you describe isn't like that and there's no reason to expect cbd to be effective, and even less to expect smoking cannabis to work.  drinking a six-pack of beer daily is significantly more than recommended. consistently drinking doesn't cause seizures, but if these seizures occur during days or periods where you haven't been drinking, alcohol withdrawal can be part of the picture.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ebs3rf", "comment_id": "ebs3rf"}, {"question": "need advice on antidepressants/other meds", "description": "im a 17yr male currently taking effexor and wellbutrin. they're not really working and im skeptical about the meds my doctor is recommending me. some backround:im constantly depressed/prone to anxiety and have been in therapy for years,havent been diagnosed with anything other than mdd. what are some suggestions for good anti depressants or other meds that could be effective/have been proven to work well with major depressive disorder/major anxiety? also if anybody has experience with similar meds that work for them thats appreciated.  edit:i've been on my current meds since middle of june (2017)", "answer": "you're 17 and you've been on multiple trials of antidepressants? was this with a child psychiatrist?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6tdedv", "comment_id": "6tdedv"}, {"question": "my re won't prescribe me metformin since my insulin and androgen levels are normal. what now?", "description": "i've heard of a lot of people having luck with metformin. i went to an re to take a look at my ovaries and hormone levels. all of my hormone levels returned as normal but i still have cysts all over my ovaries and my periods are somewhat irregular. he said he can't prescribe me metformin since my insulin is normal, there's no need.  what can i do now?  edit: thank you all. it feels really nice to talk to people about this. you've inspired me to seek a second opinion. i still want to lose 20 pounds before seeking other kinds of treatment because i've already  lost 30 pounds and that weight loss really improved my symptoms, so i want to see what losing the remaining 20 pounds would do. i'll be sure to post an update to the weight loss, and to the 2nd opinion.", "answer": "inositol in a 40:1 ratio of myo to d-chiro.  i couldn't tolerate metformin and started taking 2 g of that a day and have been having regular periods with no side effects, it's awesome!   i've found this one to be the least expensive and is what i've been using:  [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "9w02en", "comment_id": "9w02en"}, {"question": "do therapists who only accept out of network insurance know whether or not you've been reimbursed?", "description": "hey therapists! super specific question here: my (us) therapist is private practice, doesn't take insurance, just out-of-network. originally, i had terrible insurance and she was sliding scale, so i paid out of pocket a price that we were both okay with. now my insurance might be changing to one with out-of-network benefits and my question is, if i submit my receipts from her to my insurance, will she be notified at all? will she have any way of knowing whether or not i'm getting reimbursed? i'm curious because i haven't gone through the reimbursement process yet, and it's not something i want to waste valuable time in our session talking about, or talking about price and renegotiating things, so i'm just curious. thanks!", "answer": "i never know. i just print a super bill and hand it to the patient/client/evaluee.  that is the end of my involvement.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnjup4", "comment_id": "hnjup4"}, {"question": "i blocked all my feminist friends on facebook and i can't tell them why.", "description": "last year i was frequently verbally berated, beaten, and raped by my (now ex) boyfriend. i still have panic attacks and flashbacks at night and during sex. i've been smoking cigarettes and hurting myself frequently ever since i left him. i haven't told anyone. i can't trust anyone. i want to die all the time.    some of my friends/acquaintances from high school are diehard feminists. it's very cool; i am too. however, they post daily articles about sexual assault, catcalling, domestic abuse, etc., and it's extremely painful for me. awareness is great, and i would appreciate their efforts a lot more if i didn't have this baggage. but at this point, i just can't stand to read another article about sad, broken women, because i don't want to remember how sad and broken i am.", "answer": "i'm very sorry about what you went through. i highly doubt we are facebook friends but i'm sorry for what i have posted regardless. i was sexually assaulted twice within the past year and i just want others to come forward with their crimes and realize that these things happen, and we need to change how things are.  however, i'm very sorry regardless and you deserve to not have to read those articles if you don't want to. it's good you took a stand at the very least to make yourself more sane. i hope you can reach out to someone about what happened: a friend, family member, therapist, the internet, or even me. remember you did not deserve what happened to you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2lpn3j", "comment_id": "2lpn3j"}, {"question": "what mental illness does this sound like? i have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "not so relevant to this but i\u2019m 26f white 5\u20194 idk what i weigh though but i\u2019m not fat. i\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since i was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis.     symptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. being extremely extremely upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... i was never really a cutter. crazy spending habits, i\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like i know what i am doing is wrong and i keep doing it than regret it. and then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.   i just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d i have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, ocd, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "dbt (dialectical behavior therapy \u2014 developed by marsha linehan) is a very effective therapy. it\u2019s helps quickly with impulse-control (especially self-harm). a variety of medications can help with symptoms. but the gold standard treatment is dbt.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "bsavfk"}, {"question": "echolalia?", "description": "are there other conditions than as associated with echolalia in young children? by echolalia, i'm referering to full sentence repetition.", "answer": "are there other conditions than as associated with echolalia in young children? by echolalia, i'm referering to full sentence repetition.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1fzg36", "comment_id": "1fzg36"}, {"question": "should i take the ambien that my doctor has perscribed me ?", "description": "​  20m   height=175cm  weight=75kg  not a smoker nor a drinker /exercise regularly / no chronic illness or allergies  as i went to treat my 1-year long insomnia, the psychiatrist that i went to prescribed me to have 10mg ambien for a month & after doing a little bit of research i feel very hesitant to do so  so should i just ignore the internet fuss & go on with it ?", "answer": "well only if you want to! it has no value long term, but if you think it could break the cycle in your disturbed sleep then by all means.  WEBLINK", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "daxcqf", "comment_id": "daxcqf"}, {"question": "i'm [23/f] having a bit of an existential crisis. i'm getting very serious with my boyfriend [30/m], who is separated, with children. the (ex)wife is insane.", "description": "so this is a bit long, but as i said in the title, i'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend. he is separated from his wife, not yet divorced. in the state we live in, you have to be separated for an entire year before filing for divorce. we were friends before and got in a relationship a few months after he separated.  his wife is literally psychotic. she does not want this divorce because she is completely dependent on him for nearly everything. the only thing she has done semi-well is raise their 2 small children.   he was married to her for a very long time because he was afraid she would keep the kids from him if they divorced, and he knew she would go bat-shit crazy if he tried to divorce her. she has hit him, told him to kill himself, etc etc. they can't be in the same room without arguing or fighting, and she still does not want him to divorce her.    she constantly tells her children that he's abandoning them and that he's going to leave them forever (not true. he really loves his kids). she tells her daughter, \"daddy hates us, he doesn't love us.\"  so here's where i come in. she knows about me. she has keyed my car (i don't have proof, but i know she did it). she constantly asks him why she isn't good enough but i am. she has found my phone #, called me cursing me out, has stalked my facebook.  i love my boyfriend. he is perfect for me in every way except for all the shit that is surrounding him. i fear that if we get married, his (ex)wife will try to get her kids to hate me, or keep me from seeing them, even.   i haven't met the kids yet, as they're going through the divorce still, but i want my boyfriend to be completely in their life, and if i'm in his life, i want to be in his kid's lives as well, which means i have to be in the (ex)wife's life as well.  this whole situation gives me major anxiety, but i've never felt this way about a guy before, and we are really good for each other.  i don't know at this point if i need advice or encouragement or what.  ", "answer": "crazy ex-es are , well,,,, very stressful. you have to up for 18 years of this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rtbz9", "comment_id": "6rtbz9"}, {"question": "the good, the bad & the ugly", "description": "the good, the bad & the ugly  i am 31 and i\u2019ve been a stoner since my 20\u2019s. i started to play with weed occasionally when i was 21 or 22, and i loved all the stuff that comes with a joint: nice mood, being more talkative than i used to be as a introvert person, awesome points of view, great conversations with myself and the one i most loved: listen to music and watching movies. i love it so much because i could smoke on weekends and opposed to booze, it has no side effects the day after i used. even more, i dismissed alcohol as my form of weekend fun and switched completely to weed . so i felt in love with it.  eventually, i started to use regulary, even when it wasn\u2019t weekend, but having some control over it ( or at least i thought it\u2026)  when i was 25, my\u2014in those times\u2014 girlfriend got pregnant and we decided had the baby. it was not planned. so, while my entire group of friend kept having fun, finishing their education or just travelling, i was changing diapers and starting to realise the big change that came into my life. i started to use weed regular as a way to escape from my situation \u2014\u00a0while i was happy, there were a lot of responsibilities, no/little spare time and a lot expenses. we broke up after a year, and since then we share the raising of our beloved baby.  when i broke up with her i felt almost eased. i actually didn\u2019t like her so much, so i started to live in my own flat, having a lot of time with myself, and when i wasn\u2019t with my kid, with a lot of joints. it became a regular activity for numb myself, just \u201clive\u201d and take care of daily responsibilities the best as i can, which was not easy, but i helped a lot after all. i could do my work as a computer programmer as well easily, as in those times it helped a lot on concentrating, thinking about solve problems and work long days. i used to be a casual runner, and i loved the feeling of run during 40-50 min and then back home, have a shower and light my joint up.  almost 4 years ago i started a new relationship, and she don\u2019t smoke, but respect my freedom and she didn\u2019t mind that i was a pothead. so over 7 years i smoked almost daily, always by night. it was the good.  but\u2026 6 months ago i eat a weed cake. i was not my first time, and actually it didn\u2019t make me feel high, so i ate a lot. the day after it, i had my first panic attack. i started to think that maybe i was too long since i started smoking regulary and it was time to quit. i tried, but after 1 day, i couldn\u2019t stand and i run to my local provider and continue to smoke. i had occasional strange thought, but i could manage them before they started to become a real panic attack. i became obsessed with the idea that weed was controlling me, i feel bad and sad because i started to realise that weed was my consolation in bad times and refuse to acknowledge that it was turning into something bad. so i keep smoking. until the last weekend. i was with my girlfiend and my sister at home, chatting and having a nice time. and i had another panic attack, this time induced by the idea that weed was so inner in my life, my thoughts, my being, that i started to panic because i couldn\u2019t say to them that i actually want to quit but i didn't know how\u2026 they looked at me like \u201care you ok\u201d and i couldn't say a word, but puke. the bad. real bad.  sometimes i still refuse to think that i will never smoke again, but i don\u2019t want to became a psychotic guy so im trying to focus on the good things that will come by quitting pot. now i feel like a rollercoaster of feelings, had some paranoid and recurrents thoughts, but the more uncanny is that i am a little bit crackpot because the masochists thoughts i have (like suicide). in the end, i always try to calm my self and say: this is not you: this is the part of your brain that became addicted, so eventually i will disappear. but i am in the second day, so still felling very insecure. i'm taking some natural pils ( to help with the sleep and want to go to swim regulary. i want to be free.  thanks for reading, writing this helped a lot. ", "answer": "cognitive behavioural therapy, my good friend.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8oks4v", "comment_id": "8oks4v"}, {"question": "[24/f] meeting up with ex [23/m] for the first time since the break up seven months ago. he wants to get back together. how do i know what decision is best in the long run?", "description": "(i meant to write that i'm 22 btw, not that it really matters)  i'm desperate for some advice, but i've been struggling for a while to describe the problem in the best way possible. so, my ex and i met when i transferred to my current university i attend (i'm graduating in may). he and i were introduced to each other by my current best friend and roommate. it was only a month into moving into a new city and new school that we started dating. everything happened very quickly. he was my first love and i was his, but i knew from the very beginning that we were entirely different people. there was a lot about him that sometimes rubbed me the wrong way, but then there was also this deep connection and understanding between us that i couldn't and still can't find with anyone else. we were best friends and i have never been more myself with anyone in my life. we made each other feel alive and there was a ridiculous amount of passion and love there. we were back and forth for two years.  we tried and failed to make it a work a few times, because of the recurring differences, but we kept being pulled back to each other for all the reasons it did work. his family and closest friends loved me and wanted us to be together forever. my family and friends said i deserved a better fit and that i needed to move on. we broke up seven months ago, around the time he graduated. we haven't seen each other since, but there were a couple friendly text conversations, mostly just \"how are yous\" and the occasional flirting, but it stayed harmless. he's still one of my favorite people and i miss him all the time. a couple weeks ago he sent me a text saying that he was still in love with me, and that since he was the one to break up with me last time, also added that he made a mistake. we broke up pretty amicably, though it was more his choice that time around. he said we both needed time to grow and learn what it is that we wanted.  in the text from last week, he said he realized he didn't want to do his self-discovery and learning without me. he wants to try again. he says he'd rather try again and fail than always wonder what could have been. now, i'm seeing him in person for the first time again this friday. we're doing this so we can know what we feel in person, but i'm horrified. part of me is scared that i'll only move forward and discover myself if i let myself be alone and open the doors to new people/adventures. part of me is just as afraid that he's the one and that i'd be making a mistake to leave him, one that i'd regret for the rest of my life if he finds someone else. i've been torn about this since i've known him. we work in the ways that i don't seem to work with anyone else. but we also clash too. how do i know what choice will be best in the end? should i meet with him at all? i can't help but want to. i miss him.", "answer": "if you go back, go to couples therapy right away and get some final resolution", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "638o30", "comment_id": "638o30"}, {"question": "advice for making friends?", "description": "i'm 31 and have lived in my current city for 3 years now.... made some good friends, but life happened and some moved away and some settled down and don't go out.  i have no one to hangout with, talk to, heck do anything with.  one thing i plan on changing is my job. i currently work 2:30pm to 11pm, which doesn't allow much time to go out and meet people except for weekends.  mainly looking for advice on how to meet new people and people that want to do stuff outside of where we met. that's also been a problem. meet someone at a sports bar but that's the only place i see them.  any ideas would be greatly appreciated", "answer": "pick something you can do with a group of other people who also meet for that purpose, for instance, sports, or animal rescue or hiking or local politics.  show up repeatedly and work with other people who are there.  after a while they won't be strangers.  a while later you may find that some are interesting and you have the basis for a friendship.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4yyjm6", "comment_id": "4yyjm6"}, {"question": "my last day smoking was on 4/20. it's been 3 days and i'm already struggling.", "description": "someone please help. inspire me to stop, i have smoked almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, since my sophomore year of high school. i graduated almost 3 years ago and i don't want to smoke anymore. i haven't gone to college, but not due to the devil's lettuce, but rather because i have a job in an office and an 11 month old. i want to quit for his sake, but my god am i struggling. please, someone tell me why something that should be so simple is such a challenge? i don't do it because i'm stressed, i'm the least stressed out person i know. i don't do it because i'm angry or depressed, i'm a pretty happy person. i don't know why i do it anymore, i just do. so please, someone help me.", "answer": "my best advice would be to just take it one day at a time, or 1 hour at a time... or even just 5 mins. break it down into manageable pieces. with intense cravings i've found they usually only last for about 15 minutes, then the quest seems to pass. do you have other things to do to distract you? you could try:  - writing out a list of all the reasons you want to quit - doing a puzzle (i like jigsaws or sudoku) - taking a walk and focusing on your senses - what can you smell/see/hear? feel any wind? smell and taste cut grass? - work out - read a book - rock out to one of your favorite songs, lip sync, dance or whatever feels good - calling a friend or loved one  when you're in a better headspace i suggest coming up with a list of self care ideas that you can reach for when you're struggling, that way you will have a solution immediately available when your brain isn't working so good.  good luck.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4g5cux", "comment_id": "4g5cux"}, {"question": "working the steps", "description": "i am 30 days in. i have read about people \u2018working\u2019 the steps and now i feel i am ready to get started,  but what does that mean? does the big book indicate how to do that - anyone got page numbers?", "answer": "get yourself a sponsor who has worked the steps themself. great decision to do the steps. they are the program of recovery! best of luck!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bsbxv7", "comment_id": "bsbxv7"}, {"question": "need help assessing the situation and what to do", "description": "there\u00b4s this girl at work, i know her for about 2 months now, and we\u00b4ve been going out now, one drunken night the first time we met, we had sex, then the day after she already said \u00a8i love you\u00a8 i knew that at work, some playboy fucked her and she dumped him because she didn\u00b4t know that we was like that, but wait, there\u00b4s more, about her family, specially her dad, the history is fucked up, the guy raped her younger sister, whats concerning is that he still talks to her daddy like he\u00b4s his little girl, the guy is at prison now and she still sends him money, maybe that\u00b4s the gist of it, if you have any questions, let me know. ", "answer": "sounds like a ton of baggage. beware.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6idodn", "comment_id": "6idodn"}, {"question": "psych ward?", "description": "18/f/usa ok. i posted on here about wanting to talk to my counselor about suicidal thoughts/attempts but not wanting to go to a psych ward. i'm scared of being forced to. i've heard so many negatives. i've heard about the total lack of privacy (which is a huge deal for me), being \"locked up\" like a jail, being forced to socialize (i am very nervous around people i don't trust), being cut off from those i do trust, and i'm also scared they'd think of some of my behaviors as symptoms of my issues. (i have a nervous tic that causes my hands to flap and i also cry almost every night. it's not part of my depression/anxiety, it's been like that since i was very young.) i also don't like people to see me naked unless i have a ton of trust in them. (i only allow my boyfriend and my lifelong doctor to see those parts of me.) i'm scared of being treated like i'm crazy or like a child by the nurses. i'd be scared to tell their therapists my issues out of fear of a longer \"sentence\" and i'd also be scared to have it on my medical record. any advice? having a mild panic attack thinking about it. ", "answer": "source: i'm in my final year of school to be a therapist and doing an internship working with clients and also currently work on an inpatient mental health floor in a hospital.   first of all, your therapist should not be sending you to a hospital for suicidal thoughts alone. commitment is only necessary if a person is actively suicidal with a plan and the means to carry out that plan. if you are thinking about suicide or that you may be better off dead, that doesn't fit the criteria for commitment.   when you bring up suicidal thoughts with your counselor, they should be willing to discuss those thoughts with you and will ask if you have planned how you would do it, then ask whether you have the things available to you in order to carry out your plan. if you don't have a plan or don't have the means to carry out your plan, they should, at that point,come up with a safety plan with you for how you can stay safe on your own, which may include family members or other people that are part of your support system.   that's it. by creating a plan with your therapist, you are able to get the help you need as wells as a safety plan in place to keep you safe, and the therapist gets to keep the established relationship with you and continue to help you without breaking your trust or hurting your relationship.   as for your fears about the hospital and being committed, yes it can be restrictive and uncomfortable, but the hospital is there to keep people safe, whether it be to keep people that are dangerous to others away from the general population until they are stabilized on their medication or to keep people that are suicidal safe from themselves.   you shouldn't need to worry about being naked in front of anyone except maybe a nurse when you first arrive because we take people's belongings to make sure they do not have the means to do any harm (to themselves or others). but you get your own clothes (minus anything with strings or laces) back after your first 2 days. you will be able to change your clothes in your bathroom or in the shower room and no one should be looking in on you while you change. we don't force interaction, but it looks good in you medical record if you comply with treatment suggestions and the doctor in more likely to discharge you for participating. your treatment plan will be written by the psychiatrist and the nursing staff so just talk to them about your concerns and worries and they should take that into account. once the doctor thinks that you are safe enough to discharge, he will send you on your way because there is a shortage of mental health beds in the us and they will have another patient to take your bed within hours of your discharge. in the hospital that i work in (mn) each patient has their own room so you don't need to worry about a roommate but some older units still have 2 beds per room.   again, judging by the fact that you are reaching out, you aren't planning and acquiring the means to kill yourself at this point so the hospital really shouldn't be appropriate for you anyway. i would encourage you to talk to your therapist about the thoughts you having because be keeping it to yourself you are putting yourself in more danger. plus, suicidality is more common than you might think so your therapist will probably have good ideas for how to help you.   i hope all goes well, and if you want more information about other specifics, let me know. also know that it is your choice and right  to share whatever you want, whenever you want, to whomever you want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7aagxi", "comment_id": "7aagxi"}, {"question": "what's the best way to deal with someone who quite often retells the same stories, jokes, anecdotes, etc... without sounding like an asshole and halting the conversation?", "description": "so someone in my family, who i see/talk to quite often, will often start telling me the same story or joke when we're in light/fun conversation.  usually something in the conversation will trigger it, ie *\"oh man well that reminds me of the time xyz...\"*. they generally don't remember saying it before and tell the story/joke as if it's my first time hearing it, which brings up a conundrum for me every time: do i laugh and smile as if it *is* my first time hearing it and pretend to hear it again? or do i bring up that they've already told me this a number of times? usually i go with the latter but it's always a  little awkward. i'll try to laugh and go something like \"ooh haha yes i think you've told me this\" or something, but often they just say the joke/funny story anyway and expect a laugh, which just makes it awkward because i've already heard it before.   what's the best way to react to this when it happens? how can i keep the conversation flowing naturally despite kind of having to stop it in a sense? this happens often and i always feel stuck. thanks for any advice!", "answer": "my wife and i actually do this to each other a good amount.  we find it more humorous than annoying. i'd suggest since you've heard the story a bunch, you can probably retell it, and probably know how it ends.  jump right to the ending of the story saying \"yeah i know and __________ happened.\"  it demonstrates you've been told it a bunch before to the person who probably isn't aware you've heard it and also saves you the time of having them go through the details.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8xcolh", "comment_id": "8xcolh"}, {"question": "can a medical professional please review the medications i take daily to see if there is anything i should stop taking? i'm referring to otc supplements, not prescription medication.", "description": " i listed all of the information required below, but i suppose most of it is irrelevant.  i'm 26, male, fairly decent shape.  no history of any medical problems aside from psoriasis and having my gallbladder removed in 2013.    ​  i currently take coq10 100mg, omega 3 855mg epa & 645mg dha, iron 27mg, super b-complex (1 tablet), plus a men's \"one a day\" multi-vitamin \"nature's medley\".    ​  my question is this:  are any of the supplements i'm taking useless to my body?  i know that i should consult my pcp about the iron, but i had practically every single symptom of anemia and i don't eat very many iron rich foods, so i figured it wouldn't hurt.  but aside from that, is there any benefit to taking the other supplements i take?  ​  ​  ​  * age: 26 * sex: male * height: 6ft. 1in. * weight: \\~190-200ish * race: white * duration of complaint: n/a * location (geographic and on body): tennessee, usa * any existing relevant medical issues (if any): n/a (i do have heart palpitations occasionally) * current medications (if any): buprenorphine, betamethasone valerate, ibuprofen", "answer": "all of these supplements are likely useless.  coenzyme q has no evidence of being effective for anything. b vitamins are not necessary except in cases of deficiency, which are rare in developed countries. multivitamins are the same, with very weak evidence for causing harm. iron, again, is useful for diagnosed deficiency, but the symptoms of anemia are vague enough, and anemia itself uncommon enough in men, that i would recommend against treating it blindly.  omega 3 fatty acids have the most mixed evidence. they're harmless as long as they're in reasonable doses and not contaminated with e.g. heavy metals, but the evidence for any nonspecific benefit is weak at best.  so, again, i would recommend against spending money on a pile of pills that are unlikely to do you any good. also unlikely to do harm, granted, but why take on risk and cost for nothing?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "br3cz2", "comment_id": "br3cz2"}, {"question": "so i'm a 22yr old male, good friends with a 22 year old woman, and i'm concerned by something.", "description": "so i've known this girl for over 3 years, we were fast friends and we've been good friends for a good portion of that time. we're both in the army and moved to different duty stations, hers is in germany and we still talk.   she tells me she misses me and we do the cheesy heart thing and she tells me she misses me near constantly. every few days she does this and she complains about not having anyone to do things with. my squad mates keep pressuring me to ask her to be in a romantic relationship, but i'm not sure it's a good idea. i feel like our relationship would be and is currently based on conditions. i feel like she misses me because i was always down to go on an adventure and talking to me reminds her of that, and i miss her because she was one of the few people i felt totally comfortable around because she doesn't feel the need to have pointless conversations, something i find tedious and draining. i don't know if i'm using the phrase \"conditional relationship\" right so feel free to browbeat me.   would it be conditional, or am i just being emotionally and relationship retarded, like my co-workers think? ignoring the fact she will be across the pond for two years.", "answer": "she\u2019s gonna be across the pond for two years, so if you don\u2019t have strong \u201cwe must be in a romantic relationship\u201d feelings, best not to.  no reason not to go visit her, though. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77ei4h", "comment_id": "77ei4h"}, {"question": "has anyone else's sleep patterns get completely wrecked from doing therapy?", "description": "to provide some backstory to my question, i experience anxiety/ptsd-esque reactions due to specific triggers from relationship related trauma that occurred over 10 years ago. this also has caused bouts of anxiety based insomnia after that relationship ended for a time.   instead of going to the doctor at the time i chose to drink each night to ensure i slept. i did that 7 days a week for the next 10 years. after stopping that pattern in may, sleep was generally much improved and restful till i started a more intense regimen of therapy.   i used to go bi-weekly to a psychotherapist but since added on a weekly specialized therapy group for alcohol use + seeing a psych doctor in conjunction. i also read a lot more about this subject matter and try to practice as much as possible to \"relearn\" healthier ways of thinking and doing.   the combination of all of this has left me with what seems to be almost a perpetual state of \"emotional hangover.\" since this intense schedule began i've noticed my sleep to be completely bonkers.  i went from an average of 7 hrs with not much time getting to sleep with maybe 1-2 wake ups to experiencing 5+ wake ups a night, being awake for hours and some nights not sleeping at all.  i try to have good sleep hygiene aka: turn off screens an hour before bed, read, listen to calming podcasts etc and nothing seems to really help. often i'll wake up at like 2-3am and feel wide awake so rather than toss and turn i just get up and ride out the day but i know that's not healthy, but i'm not getting anywhere further with this easing either so not sure what to do about it.  does anyone have any similar experiences?", "answer": "so you are engaging in therapy 3-4 times a week (i'm assuming that you see the psychiatrist every few weeks to months and not weekly)? i give you kudos for doing that all outpatient.  sounds like you are working with your feelings a ton more, and that's what leads to the \"emotional hangover\" that then keeps you up at night. that can definitely happen. have you spoken about this with your therapist? if you are seeing a psychiatrist also, if there's any new medication in the picture, that could also be a side effect.  i'd bring it up at your next appointment with the therapist and psychiatrist and see what each propose. perhaps some activities or strategies to better combat the \"emotional hangover\" or redirecting a therapy session to something less emotionally intensive may be helpful there. also, maybe a change of med regiment could also be an answer.   regardless, good on your for prioritizing your mental wellness!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dmh7jm", "comment_id": "dmh7jm"}, {"question": "would it be wise to seek in-patient therapy at this point in time due to severe, debilitating ocd?", "description": "age: 20 years old, sex: male, height: 6'0, weight: 180 lbs, duration of complaint: 4-5 months of acute anxiety/paranoia, location: ny and mental illness, existing mental issues: diagnosed gad and ocd, fluoxetine 50 mg per day and xanax .5 mg as needed.  ​  hi everyone,   i'm hoping to ask an opinion from this community on my current situation. over the past six months, as you can probably tell by my post history, i've developed a severe fixation on contracting hiv. i've not had any super-risky encounters and the appropriate tests have been done eliminating my possibility of having it. i still cannot get the thought from my head and i have had several debilitating anxiety attacks in which i can't leave my bed and have intense thoughts of hurting myself. these are usually brought on when i think of a relatively recent sexual encounter that carried no real risk of hiv transmission but i think \"it could be possible.\" the last couple days have been exceptionally tough  and i've been unable to leave my room and i'm unsure if i can keep going to work and doing my homework for school. i want to stress that i'm safe with my parents at home and in no actual danger of doing so, but those thoughts are up there. i've been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist but they have not been able to really help with this problem over the past couple months. i think i may try to commit myself to a local mental hospital in upstate ny that people/medical practitioners have recommended to me in the past. i have my parent's insurance, but they're staunchly against the idea. i'm looking for any sort of advice you can give me at this point. would in-patient hospitalization make sense in my case and is it feasible that i can commit myself? i'm worried they won't think i'm sick enough.  ​  thank you.", "answer": "inpatient treatment might facilitate faster changes in medications. given how severe the symptoms you describe sound, that may be necessary. however, most effective treatment, whether psychotherapy or medication, takes longer to work than a hospitalization can provide.  i would discuss with the psychiatrist you\u2019re seeing.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "c6d8mx", "comment_id": "c6d8mx"}, {"question": "what will happen if i tell a psychiatrist or whoever does an evaluation?", "description": "if i said,  \"sometimes i think people are aliens or like, creatures in disguise as people trying to take over the world, and sometimes i think my family was replaced by them.  other times i think people are actively working together to make me kill myself or to drive me crazy, or that they'll hurt me, even if they would never hurt actually hurt me.  sometimes i'm scared to look at the sky because there are cameras and ufos and if i look at them and they see me, they'll kill me because they know that i know they're there.  sometimes i think street signs are messages to me, like stop signs are telling me to stop looking for signs of the creatures or stop talking about them.  sometimes i hear whispering or crying, or barking or screaming when nothing is happening.  when this kind of stuff happens, i do irrational things like try to train my dog to attack people on command because i think they're trying to hurt me when they're not, or i boobytrap my house in case they're sneaking in.  recently i thought my mom, her mom, her dad and my sister were conspiring, together, to make me think i was crazy and having false memories and trying to convince me to kill myself.  they weren't, none of that is true, but i cut all of them out of my life for a while until it just kind of stopped and i came to my senses.  when i was a kid i thought i had powers and that i could see end of the world, that i was vampire sort of thing, and i *might* have actually like, fabricated memories to support those powers being true.  like predicting my friend's death before she died, i remember doing that but it's not really possible that it happened, right?  i don't know what's wrong with me, but that's what happens and if i don't get help i'm going to end up hurting someone or killing myself so i don't.  my family doesn't take me seriously, i can say outright that i'm having hallucinations and tell them why i'm too scared to go outside or look at the sky, and they just don't care, i guess, or they don't think it's a big deal, but someone will get hurt if i stay like this.\"  because i'm really stressing out lately and i can't drive, i have no money, i have absolutely no means to help myself and i'm about to call some mental health service or like, go to the er and tell someone.  it's bad, and getting bad again lately, and no one is helping me.  i'm in my 20s.  i just want to know what to expect to happen if i'm honest, aside from being *right* and them actually being a creature and killing me for knowing about them.", "answer": "depends on the credentials of the person doing the evaluation. if you see a psychiatrist first you may be prescribed medications. if you see a therapist or counselor first you will likely be referred to a psychiatrist. it's not unlawful to have the thoughts you are having. if you're over 18 and do not have a guardian or have your freedoms limited you do not have to accept any treatment or suggestions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "67js4m", "comment_id": "67js4m"}, {"question": "i have a brain tumor and i legitimately don't know what to think", "description": "so, awhile ago i [m23 6 foot, 170 pounds] had a seizure and woke up super unbearably  dizzy, so i checked myself at the hospital to see whats wrong since that dizziness didn't feel normal. i expected it to be normal and it was a 1 time thing. however, it turns out that i have a brain tumor . its not malignant or cancerous but looking for into it, it would seem to describe my current mental degradation symptoms as of late. for example , my memory seems to just randomly stop working pretty much consistently , i had a seizure, my words come out heavily jumbled pretty often, cant think what to say, and massive migraines i used to/currently have. that being said, the doctors said i need to get more tests done, like another mri and another mra among other things and they eventually want to check in and see if it needs removal soon. how likely is it that it needs to be removed? and what should i expect from it? the tumor is in pretty deep in my brain too they said (if that helps). sorry that this is a jumbled mess to read. im not entirely sure what i should be thinking right now", "answer": "you're asking a lot of questions that really can't be answered without the full mri series, a full history, and basically everything that your doctors have and we don't. you'd need to discuss with the team you're already seeing.  if it's causing seizures, it probably needs to be removed. the exact risks depend on the exact location and the approach, so only the neurosurgeons involved can answer that for you.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "jumgw0", "comment_id": "jumgw0"}, {"question": "just had surgery today - wanted to ask some questions...", "description": "-\tmale -\t26yrs -\tusa  today i had a biopsy on my neck on what the doctor called \u201clevel 2\u201d cervical nodes. he also partially biopsied my submandibular gland. i have 2 questions -  1) when they were hooking me up to my ivs before surgery i noticed [some little bubbles](WEBLINK) in the line (the iv was going to my hand) and i wanted to ask if that\u2019s risky. i\u2019ve been home for a couple hours but is there any risk of me having some type of air embolysm now (or in the future) or has that risk passed?  2) both biopsy locations were near the arteries you can feel under your neck (on the right/left side) and i\u2019m wondering if there\u2019s any risk of a nicked (weakened) artery or extra bleeding post surgery?  basically if anything was going to \u201ckill\u201d me would it have happened by now or am i still at risk of something happening in the next couple of days? basically i want to know that if the doctor somehow nicked an artery would he have known or is it something i could find out while i\u2019m by myself at home recovering.   i\u2019m trying not to move the area a lot while eating and maybe it\u2019s the drugs wearing off, but i\u2019m afraid of dying post op at home lol. i know it\u2019s probably an irrational fear, but i just thought i\u2019d ask.   thanks.", "answer": "i'm the wrong kind of doctor for this, but i'll share what i recall.  1. little bubbles in ivs can be scary but aren't a big deal. even if some tiny bubbles end up in your circulation they just make it to your lungs and absorb. there's even an appropriately-named \"bubble study\" that means intentionally injecting a ton of tiny bubbles to see whether there are holes between chambers of your heart! it would have to be a huge bubble, larger than would enter just by drip, to cause any problems.  2. they would notice if they nicked arteries. that's not a subtle kind of bleeding.  your risk of dying is probably 99.9% during the operation. if you've made it home you're safe!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8bb5wp", "comment_id": "8bb5wp"}, {"question": "i've been spying on ya'll for 4 months! friday probably not the best day to quit drinking but it just has to be today for me!", "description": "i've had it with drinking. i'm done. i've been lurking & trying to get my courage up for the past 4 months. i'm done quitting drinking every fucking morning & then caving in every afternoon. i'm done hiding it from my husband & our grown sons. hell i've even tried hiding it from myself! there is something wrong with me! and it's up to me to fix myself. i am going to go back to aa & reconnect with a nice lady who tried to sponsor me. this time i will participate & i will not keep drinking. i appreciate any and all support. i have also reached out to my physician for medical support & pledged to him that i am getting sober! here we go!", "answer": "today is always a good day to stop! i won\u2019t drink with you today <3", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "71ps46", "comment_id": "71ps46"}, {"question": "newly diagnosed lyme disease, treatment", "description": "age 36, 5 foot 11, 155 lbs, male, white, nonsmoking. no relevant current/past issues.  meds- zyrtec, doxycycline (now, 2 doses into 21-day course)  about a week ago noticed welt on leg, no other symptoms, assumed random dry skin or rash. few days later, body achy, headaches, fever and chills.  did ibuprofen, tylenol alternating to treatment for a few days, would help w/ fever, but came back. welt about same size, slightly larger. went to urgent care today, doc 99% certain lyme.  just a couple q's i forgot to ask if any reddit medical pros would be so kind to help with-  - ok to keep using tylenol and/or ibuprofen while using doxycycline to treatment fever and chills (still not really going away with just doxycycline yet) -- or better to let fever run its course?  - any herbal supplements or other otc medications to supplement doxycycline?  - if fever/chills not going away after x? days on doxycycline -- go to er?  thanks!", "answer": "it's fine to take tylenol and/or ibuprofen. there's nothing you should take with doxycycline\u2014doxy doesn't need help, and you don't want to accidentally have an interaction that makes it less effective.  at some point if you're not getting better you need a change of antibiotics and maybe a reconsideration of diagnosis. i don't know what that duration is; i would give it a week, as that's the minimum duration of antibiotics for lyme, but someone with more expertise might correct me.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8wwgn6", "comment_id": "8wwgn6"}, {"question": "sorry for the text bomb but today has been a good day for me and i hope it has or will be for you!", "description": "i first decided to stop drinking in august 2009 after the usual story of lost girls, jobs, family members and dignity.  i could not do it.  i hated the withdrawals and after a few days i always went back drinking.  i didn't understand it but i knew then i was in battle for my life and that is no exaggeration.  i tried so hard and even went to aa.  i hated it and the message i was hearing really got me angry.  especially the god stuff, i was having none of it.  i stopped going.  i had the worst few months of my life; my family had kicked me out of the house.  i was living in my car with all roads closed to me.  that january (2010) it was really cold and snowing so after much difficulty i got myself booked into a treatment center.  i went in feb and stayed for 3 mths.  that was the longest i had ever stayed sober in my adult/teen life.  i couldn't believe it. when i as leaving the treatment someone had a word in my ear.  what they said was you will be back here unless you go to aa 3 times a week.  that really pissed me off as i went to the treatment center to get away from aa.    my family let me stay with them when i got out and i attended aa not 3 times a week but every day, as i had nothing else to do.  i lasted 4 mths and i was off again.  i stopped after a week and got back to aa but i also managed to get into a second treatment center but it was a day program so my family didn\u2019t kick me out of the house.  i again did my best.  this time it was aa and a daily program and guess what i drank again after 5 mths.  another week-long bender!  i was trying so hard to stay sober and i couldn't do it!  i didn't understand what was wrong with me.  my family knew i was trying so the gave me the benefit of the doubt.  i would have kicked my ass out at that stage but they didn't.  my count on stop drinking is from this period.  i went back to aa and got a sponsor and worked the steps.  doing all the suggested things that i had heard in aa but never practiced.    i applied for college and got accepted.  sept 2011 i started college while working the steps with my sponsor.  i managed to get through the first year of college with good grades and a lot of emotional difficulty.  then i managed to get through the 2nd year as well again with good grades.  so here i am today typing this after just finishing my first day of paid employment in over 4 years. i go back to college in september to continue my studies and the job i started today are willing to employ me on a permanent part time contract that can be worked at weekends while i finish my studies.  i just can\u2019t believe my luck.  today i am so grateful to be sober.  it can be done one day at a time!    ps i would like to thank everyone on this sub for all his or her posts and comments, positive and negative we all have good days and bad days.  i should know.  more good than bad today thank fuck! ", "answer": "talk about a success story. glad to see you've found success in the program. it can be a bitch, but it can also be the best time of your life. thanks for sharing.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jiyxa", "comment_id": "1jiyxa"}, {"question": "i want to kill myself. life fucking sucks from top to bottom and i god damn hate it", "description": "i feel pathetic even being here and typing this but i need to at least feel like i have someone right now.  i\u2019m going to be fully honest here:  i\u2019m a 25 year old male. i turn 26 in november. i feel like my life is passing me by and that the thing i have always wanted most out of life, to be a husband and a father, are slipping further and further away from me.  i struggle daily with my depression and a \u201cdiagnosis\u201d (i\u2019ll explain the quotations later)of adhd. my depression is borne of a myriad of things but i\u2019ll do my best to distill them down to as few and as easily digestible points as i can.  - obesity from childhood to early adulthood  my mother\u2019s main focus throughout my childhood was caring for her sick parents. her father had alzheimer\u2019s so he was the priority. rather than making time for me to be able to participate in sports or other extra curricular activities, my mom gave me junk food and video games to keep me busy while she tended to her parents. now, it\u2019s possible i\u2019m being narcissistic, but in my view, the child comes first. if i had a son and sick parents, my priority would be raising my son in the healthiest way possible.   this obesity was a huge factor in me being insecure and being bullied very mercilessly by family and schoolmates. even today after having lost over 135lbs, i still yank and tug on my shirts when they touch my body because of the years of fear of being picked on.   - having been made by my biological mother to be a caretaker for her ailing parents throughout my childhood until the last one died when i was 16  as mentioned above, my mother\u2019s parents were her priority. back in 2006 (her father died in 2004 but shortly thereafter her mother started exhibiting signs of dementia) she decided to go back to school to study culinary arts. this, of course, demanded much more of her time. so i was forced to move in with my 75 year old grandmother and be her caretaker while my mom and her (abusive) boyfriend lived together a town away.   i had to get up at 5am to get my grandmother up, washed, dressed, and ready to leave for her adult daycare, get myself ready for school, catch two buses and a train, go to school, hurry to a bus stop after school so i could make it home in time to get my grandmother back in the house after her bus dropped her off. and this happened around 7pm. so i\u2019d just barely be making it home at about 7pm every day.  but then i\u2019d have to rush her in the house to use the restroom because she refused to do it at her day care. very, very many days she wouldn\u2019t make it and i\u2019d have to bathe her and dress her again. then give her her evening medications, then feed her, then put her to bed. alone.  you may have noticed that no time was allotted for schoolwork. i graduated high school with a 1.something gpa. mom graduated culinary school with a 3.8.  and let\u2019s talk about her culinary school for a quick second. she frequently forces me to do homework for her while she went on dates with her boyfriend. one time in particular they took me to a fair i wanted to go to, only to say i had to write a history paper for her before i could have any fun. they made me sit inside of a nearby church and write her paper while her and her boyfriend enjoyed the fair. i would have been beaten if i refused or if i didn\u2019t do the paper well.   think of all the social development people do in high school. i didn\u2019t because i was either doing mom\u2019s homework or taking care of grandma.  - having poor social and relationship skills thanks to having been raised by a narcissist and watching that narcissist be involved in an incredibly abusive relationship for 10 years.  as a result of everything i listed above, i just could not relate to or connect with people my own age. i spent most of my childhood around elderly and sick people. what i saw of relationships were toxic behaviors. i was shown that violence, yelling, name-calling, and vengeful actions were normal in relationships of all kinds at all levels. and i only recently learned to start doing away with all of that.   but this is basic level stuff. most people learn it as young children and teenagers. i didn\u2019t learn it until i was at least 22 years old.   even now, i can\u2019t quite mesh with people my age. i\u2019ve had a bunch of dates this year and i\u2019ve ended up blowing all these mini-relationships because i just couldn\u2019t quite understand what was normal and what was expected.   i read around on reddit a lot and have even made posts on a different account. again, all this is stuff people learned years ago and i\u2019m just learning.  - near constant bullying through school and by my cousins who were really the only things i ever had that even came close to friends  people called me \u201cmonster\u201d so much in high school, that i had teachers who honest to god didn\u2019t know my name was chris. the habit of calling me \u201cmonster\u201d was so constant and ubiquitous that even though i hated it, i just let it go because there was no way i was going to be able to stop it.   as a result, so much of my self worth is tied up in how i look. and after having weighed in excess of 330lbs, there\u2019s permanent physical damage to my body\u2019s appearance. i have felt little worse pain than seeing abs and a so-called \u201cadonis\u201d belt underneath flaps of skin while putting on lotion.   i was eating correctly and working out strictly. hoping that one day i\u2019d have a body like some of the people i saw post on r/bodybuilding. it has been crushing to realize that i already do. but it\u2019s buried beneath a hideous reminder of what was.   - being so behind my peers in life  and finally, being in my position with regards to a career at 25 years old. i\u2019ve only just been accepted into a 4-year university. most people my age are living on their own and progressing upward in their careers. i\u2019m about to be in classes with 18 year olds who, because of decent parents, are even more developed than me. that hurts, quite a lot.   and this brings me to the final impetus for creating this account and posting here today.   after years of struggling to figure out what i wanted and wandering rather aimlessly through life, i figured it out: i wanted to be an airline pilot.   for the first time i felt truly capable of achieving a goal. i felt smart enough whereas before i felt dumb, i felt inspired and excited. i found a nearby school to earn an aviation degree and a pilot\u2019s license from and i was set to begin this summer...then i researched and found out about faa medical requirements.   physically, i\u2019m golden. i\u2019m healthy, i\u2019m no longer pre diabetic, i\u2019m active, and, after being examined, my eyes are perfect. but i also have been diagnosed and treated for both depression and adhd.  so i cannot become a pilot.  i feel like life just keeps stomping on my neck. i can\u2019t connect with people, i can\u2019t successfully date, i\u2019ll never have the body i want, i don\u2019t have parents to go to, and now i can\u2019t even fly a damn airplane.   it\u2019s just so unfair. i feel like i want so little and i still can\u2019t have it.   so now the only option i have is to go to the average little engineering school i got into in southern illinois.   and i\u2019m not at all looking forward to that. engineering school and fsae are going to swallow up 100% of my time. i\u2019ll have no time for any social life and no time for anything but study.   i\u2019m 25. i just feel like i\u2019ll never be able to be truly happy. i feel like at best my life will only ever be a lonely and miserable existence.   i hate myself for feeling this way because it justifies the faa\u2019s rejection of me form being a pilot, but i honestly feel like i should just kill myself. it\u2019s like that australian scientist from a few days ago. why continue pushing on through life if you\u2019re miserable?  nothing\u2014absolutely nothing\u2014goes the way you want. you\u2019ve got nobody you can trust to vent to. the best you can do is anonymous people online or you can pay some psychologist to judge you and pretend they care or understand.   i\u2019m in so much pain and i don\u2019t see it ever ending or getting better. ", "answer": "i learned about eastern religions and have been able to use their idea to gain relief from my mental and emotional suffering. i learned from buddhism that suffering is caused by attachment aversion and delusion. i learned that by accepting that the entire universe is in the process of change, i can use change to my advantage. by adopting a change mindset, i am sensitized to opportunity because now i look for moments when i can take action to my advantage and create change via a succession of small steps. i learned that by turning my attention to my breathing and heartbeat i can slow them down by repeating to myself beautiful words of solace and reassurance. i think this is related to meditation and prayer. meditation is stilling my body and prayer is the mental repetition of beautiful thoughts. in this way i\u2019ve realized that i am not my body or my thoughts but the one who witnesses. a meditation teacher taught me that all i need to do is sit still and stay with the feeling of \u201ci am\u201d, and reject all that is false. it\u2019s like digging a well, you reject the dirt until you come to water. reject the false and you will come to the truth of who you really are. believe me when you realize the truth you will never be the same, but will be able to summon a calm that\u2019s like granite and an indifference to loss and gain that feels like liberation. now you are a suffering because your fears and beliefs. it is possible to make them work for you instead of against you but you are the one that must make the decision to begin the process of change. no one can do it for you.", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "8j9gzy", "comment_id": "8j9gzy"}, {"question": "symptoms that started 7 years ago and have gotten worse with new symptoms coming up?", "description": "i wont go into much detail but some to most/all of these symptons i have been dealing with for 6 or so years since i was 13. im dealing with all of them right now and some of them are getting a bit worse. im going to try and schedule an appoint with a doctor soon but just wanted someone elses opinion on what they think might be going on. just gonna list off the stuff. i've sadly never been to the doctor to talk this stuff yet.  - always hungry, no matter how much i eat im never full or i am i'm hungry again within 30 mins - hour. yesterday i sat down and ate a large meal at mcdonalds and immediately started eating a chinese platter before my friend stopped me so we could leave. i wasnt full when we left and within the next hour or 2 i felt like i hadnt just eaten all of that food  - not getting any sleep, waking up in 5-6 hours with alot of trouble getting back to sleep. woke up in 4 hours this time  - headaches/head \"fuzzyness\". i cant explain the \"fuzzyness\" part i just feel so out of it sometimes and my head and sometimes face is buzzing.  - un-normal stools/diarrhea. wont go into much details here >.>  - cant gain weight no matter how much i eat. might not actually be a health issue but because im always hungry thus eating  you would think i'd gain some weight   - no/low energy  - on and off frequent urination, sometimes 6 times an hour or more   - wake up every morning feeling like i hadnt eaten dinner the night before  - always tired  - i do have acne if that matters  - random loss of appetite while feeling hungry  - often have trouble concentrating. this and the headaches/\"fuzzyness\" are on and off throughout the day  - stomach upset   age - 20 sex - male height - 5'8 weight - 132 race - black duration of complaint - 6-7 years  current medications (if any) - currently taking accutane for acne  my friend suspects i might be malnourished to some degree because of my current living situation i'm not eating much, or that it might be stress related", "answer": "does sound like your diet might be crap. can you tell us what you might typically consume on a typical day?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5xgxvi", "comment_id": "5xgxvi"}, {"question": "i've been told i'm awkward.", "description": "hello! i've just found reddit and this subreddit and wanted to seek advice. apologies if i'm not following proper protocols.  anyway, i was told the other day that i am \"awkward\" to talk to because:  * my tone of voice is wrong * my body language is wrong * i don't ask good questions  those seem like such fundamental criticisms that i don't know how to fix them. how do you fix such basic things? i mean, i've always known there was something wrong with me. people don't like me or find me interesting, and i've never been able to blame them. it just feels like there was some class on all of this that i missed...being human 101. how do you make up for that? it almost feels like i have a chance though, because despite how awful it was to hear that from someone, it's at least specific criticism and not what everybody else does and just ignores me or avoids me.  thanks for any input!  edit: 23 year old male here.", "answer": "well, a few things.   * you might want to read the description of [asperger's syndrome](WEBLINK). if you're looking through that and you're like \"wow, that really seems to describe me\", you might have asperger's. in that case, you should go see a counselor (preferably someone who specializes in asperger's/autism) because they can officially diagnosis you (or tell you that you don't have asperger's, if that's the case). figuring out my diagnosis was a huge blessing to me, because it put me in touch with a lot of great resources for improving my situation, and it also gave me a greater sense of peace because it explained some of the struggles that i was having---it's not that i was a bad person, it's just that i didn't learn social skills in the way other people do.  * social skills, like any other skill, can be learned. i did it (and wrote a [guide](WEBLINK) to help others do it too), and i'm not the only success story. think about actors. they've learned to demonstrate correct body language, tone of voice, etc for the scenes that they're in. that's not magic--it's just the result of practice and study. you can do that too.  * with that in mind, you should start to deliberately practice and study social skills :) get some social skills books ([this](WEBLINK) is a list of a few of my favorites), and read through them, and then *practice* what you learn. read through the books to identify several things you want to practice, then practice one thing at a time until it feels comfortable, then move on to the next. there's also great online resources--the sidebar lists three, and there's more out there. focus on social skills advice that teaches you the fundamentals, rather than sketchy advice that teaches you \"here's how to manipulate people/here's how to automatically succeed in every social interaction ever.\"  * also, try to get other people involved if you can. if you have friends or family members that you trust, tell them that you want to improve your social skills, and then ask them for their advice. having people who care about you and will call you out on social mistakes can be very helpful, and it's useful to have people that you can debrief with too (\"i talked to bob and he reacted in this way and i don't know why, can you help me understand?\")  * most of all, don't get discouraged and don't give up. learning social skills is a marathon, not a sprint. your goal is to just get a little bit better every day, not to become a superstar overnight. don't be afraid to give yourself some introvert time to recharge before going out and socializing again, and don't beat yourself up if you make a social mistake. just chalk it down to a learning experience, and keep learning!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ti4l3", "comment_id": "ti4l3"}, {"question": "i don\u2019t live in the alcoholic time zone anymore.", "description": "i got home from running errands later than i\u2019d planned this afternoon \u2014 after 6:00 pm. and i thought, \u201cah shit, my day is shot. i still have stuff i need to do... but it\u2019s too late.\u201d we aren\u2019t talking anything strenuous here, just chores around the house. but when i was a resident in the alcoholic time zone, my productivity clock stopped ticking at 6:00 pm. at 6:00 pm, i\u2019d either finally be home and able to nurse my hangover in peace, or ready to start drinking.   but then i realized... i live in eastern time now! i can putter around the house for three or four more hours before i start needing to wind down for bed! and i did... i got an unremarkable list of chores knocked out, no problem.   it is incredibly lovely to have chosen to leave the time suck that is alcoholic time. ", "answer": "i love that you\u2019re already seeing things this way. it took me probably three or four months to stop finding my lengthened days crazy-making...   but i also remember the first time i realized my life did not have to end at 9 o\u2019clock. i think i actually posted about it. something about a motorcycle ride with a hot guy in the dark; i have since ditched the guy but kept the appreciation of the hours of daily life i have gained.   congrats on all those chores, friend, and on almost 60 days! iwdwyt   edit spelling", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7fs6p9", "comment_id": "7fs6p9"}, {"question": "i think my spanish teacher has alzheimers, what is an appropriate way to let her know of said suspicions?", "description": "she'll forget what lessons she taught, forget what day the assignment is due on. she'll forget whether we answer the problems on a test one way or another. one time, she gave us a sheet with a bunch of questions written on it, and specifically told us to answer them in spanish. at the top of the sheet was a place to put my name, which is typical. the first question was \"what is your name?\" the second question was \"what is your last name\" the third question was \"how do you spell your name\" the 4th question was \"how do you spell your last name\" and a little ways down was the question \"how is ______ spelled?\"  next class, we take them out, and she tells us that we were not supposed to answer the questions, but to translate them. which makes more sense. but the other day, she specifically told us to answer them in spanish. she completely forgot we were supposed to translate them.  i'm in high school.   i've thought about mentioning it to my counselor who makes the schedules, i know her a lot better than i know my spanish teacher.", "answer": "it might not be specifically alzheimers disease, however i think you should probably bring up what is happening in class to your counselor. i wouldn't say your suspicion but i would say that you are concerned and then allow the counselor to deal with the rest. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3lzoa4", "comment_id": "3lzoa4"}, {"question": "avoidance as a cure?", "description": "i mean like avoiding everything that sets you off until the anxiety goes away naturally. i can't do conventional treatment for reasons i won't discuss, and i'm looking into alternatives. however, i can't find any alternatives through google, so i can only speculate methods. will it work? there's nothing else i can try right now, so...", "answer": "avoidance actually serves to reinforce your anxiety. in the short term you feel a little relief, but it makes the anxiety more problematic overall. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "2hcj3p", "comment_id": "2hcj3p"}, {"question": "what went wrong in my 2 years of cbt?", "description": "i was in an emotionally toxic environment. it started off just not good when i started therapy and escalated to truly toxic overtime. in the beginning i sensed something was deeply wrong with the toxic environment, but it was hard to explain. it looked great from the outside.  week after week, story after story, my therapist repeatedly told me to \u201cjust sit with it\u201d.  he would say, \u201cwhat if that perception you have isn\u2019t true?\u201d.  i was told to question my reality. i was depressed and didn\u2019t want to believe it. i basically feel like my cbt experience taught me my feelings of danger were wrong (they were right, i should have left way sooner, before it got so bad). my body and mind were rebelling and throughout cbt i was encouraged to \u201cchallenge that, where\u2019s the evidence, that\u2019s one perception of that interaction...try to reframe the experience\u201d there should have been no reframing - i was harassed and taken advantage of.  i feel cbt convinced me i was wrong, the situation wasn\u2019t that bad, and i should \u201cstick it out\u201d i wish i left sooner.  in hindsight it was so bad. how can i trust any therapist/therapy or even my own feelings after this?  how *should* cbt work here and when does the therapist step in (if at all) and say, \u201cyou\u2019re being emotionally abused,  this is wrong, save yourself, leave\u201d.", "answer": "you'll find it's pretty rare for a therapist to ever say that last part to you regardless of what modality they work from.    while i'm not a big fan of cbt in general, the way it should work is that they should have you considering all options, evidenced for, evidenced against, and making your own decision based off of what you come up with without the therapist pushing you towards any option or choice.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f64iq9", "comment_id": "f64iq9"}, {"question": "[23/m] i'm in love with my ex [22/f]", "description": "hey there guys. i've been doing a lot of thinking now and i really need some advice, or help, or something. it's been a little over two months at this point and i still feel lost many times. my ex and i dated for about 10 months. she had a pretty cruel boyfriend before me and wasn't dating for about 6 months. when we got together, it was actually pretty confusing for me. i've dated other girls before, but she and i just had something kinda intangible. things were kinda weird in the beginning. we dated for 2 weeks, then i had a study trip for a month, then two more weeks, then she left for a semester. she didn't end up staying the whole time though. after about a month and a half, she quit her job and came back to be with me. things were really great, she was at my apartment a lot, it was so great. of course, things didn't continue that well, hence me calling her my ex. just a little past 2 months ago, she broke things off. i was totally surprised. i hadn't noticed any strange behavior up until a few days before. her reasoning was that she thought that the spark had faded; the whole i love you, but i'm not in love thing. it was devastating, because i was still totally in love. it got harder though. it turns out that the way she could tell that the spark had faded was that she had developed an interest in a co-worker. she had only met him about 2 weeks before the breakup and i do know that she didn't cheat on me, she didn't even really spend any alone time with him. the guy is part of this new friend group that she has from work. she started dating him a little less than 2 weeks after we split. that was pretty hard. her mother still talks to me every now and then. she thinks that i'm great, the best boyfriend she has or will have. i don't know about that level of greatness, but it's flattering. her mom told me outright that she doesn't really understand why she's interested in him. he sounds like a nice person, but not compatible with her. either way, she seems content for now. i haven't spoken to her in a while. i try not to think about it too much, i've been doing everything that i should to recover, and avoiding things that would hinder me. i've been reflecting on the relationship and i've been seeing some things that probably didn't help. i think i got too complacent, maybe took her for granted a little. the relationship got kinda routine and dull. we had been talking about moving together to a city we thought was more exciting, so i think that's why i didn't focus on the present as much. when i think back on things, i can see that the passion had been going a bit, but i never did anything to hurt her. by all accounts, i was a good boyfriend, if not a little too complacent. i can see how things got dull for her. she basically lived with me for the past 4 months. she had no friends, no hobbies, no job. she would just sit in my apartment all day waiting for me to come home. she relied on me for a lot, then she got a new job about 2 weeks before the breakup, the same time she met this guy. i'm sorry if this is too rambling, but it's hard for me to write this super clearly. i'm still in love with her. when i picture my future, she's still in it. i know she felt the same way. i don't think that this guy is someone she's going to date for a while, but i'm not sure what to do. half of my friends say wait for her to contact me, the other half say to contact her. my therapist asks me what i think is best and i honestly don't know. i don't really know what to do and i really need some help. i know a lot of people suggest that i simply move on, but i wanted to marry this girl one day. i can't forget that easily. it gets so hard sometimes and i really need someone to help me.", "answer": "don't contact her. do get on with your life. waiting for someone this unpredictable to land on \"you're the one i want to make a serious commitment to\" will waste your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bgpvs", "comment_id": "6bgpvs"}, {"question": "how do i inform my overseas coworker that she has an offensive nickname?", "description": "i work for a very large company with employees all over the world. many of our asian (central and eastern) employees come up with nicknames or abbreviated versions of their name to make it easier for those of us in north america who might otherwise struggle with properly pronouncing their full names. i have recently met (virtually) a coworker whose nickname is considered offensive to jews. (i won\u2019t post the word / nickname.)  i\u2019ve tried to subtly pass along a note to both her and her lead, but they don\u2019t quite seem to understand the magnitude of her nickname. given the fact that she will soon be working with more north americans i\u2019m very worried about the impact that it will have on future interactions with my clients and coworkers, of which i know at least a handful are jewish.  i\u2019d be very open to hearing some suggestions on how to properly manage the situation. i\u2019ve thought about going to our hr group, but given the size of that global team it could be quite a while before anything of substance is done. i also know that with english being her second or third language, she's very likely to have little or no historical context for the word in question.  thoughts? suggestions?", "answer": "send her an email with links to dictionary/wikipedia entries that describe the word as offensive and/or a slur.   for instance: [wiki on \u2018kike\u2019](WEBLINK)  ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "74fkvq", "comment_id": "74fkvq"}, {"question": "experiences with being treated for adhd and comorbid depression?", "description": "so i finally saw a psych for the first time today and she wanted to treat me for depression before focusing on adhd. when i asked about depression caused by adhd, essentially her reasoning was that she didn't think it was just dysthymia from adhd since i've had depressive episodes as well. i think that adhd probably impacts me more throughout the day than depression, but i suppose really couldn't tell since i definitely understand that both of them can exacerbate the symptoms of each other.   i did also mention that i had a prior adhd diagnosis from when i was younger.   is this a common experience for this sort of diagnosis?   i'm definitely excited to hopefully be on the path of being a functional person day to day. ", "answer": "comorbid (means occurring together) diagnoses is very common with adhd. two of the more common ones include depression and anxiety.   it's not uncommon for adhd to be treated alongside depression. some antidepressants such as wellbutrin and effexor have been even shown to have some effect on adhd symptoms and strattera was developed as an antidepressant at first. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "3cloy4", "comment_id": "3cloy4"}, {"question": "i want to go to a mental health hospital, but i don't know what to do.", "description": "i live alone in the uk. i don't know what to do. my anxiety has got to the point i can barely leave my bed. i'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.  i feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but i don't know what to do. do i call an ambulance?", "answer": "do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to?  if so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation?  do you have a hotline in the uk where you can call just to talk to someone?  i know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the uk perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions?  hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "2sbbz8"}, {"question": "is this more than depression?", "description": "back story: i have had depression for quite a few years. i'm on medication. i also have panic attacks when i think about death.    i don't see the point in life. i don't want to die! but i mean i see so many people with passions and hobbies and careers and i just don't get it. i'm envious of them.   it's not that i'm not good at anything. i have talents but they don't interest me. i've tried several hobbies but again i don't see the point. i feel like i'm just drifting.   i only seem to be happy for a short burst of time when i attach myself to a character. for example: harley quinn. i'll read all her comics and buy her merchandise and try to be her. because i don't have an identity i latch onto characters. i then get bored and move onto the next fictional character. i hope this makes sense as it's difficult to describe! i'm sick of doing this as i waste shit loads of money trying to resell the stuff i've bought.   i'm just not sure what to do. i'm not sad per say just emotionless and don't understand joy or passion.  has anyone been here? any advice?   please i feel like i'm losing my mind. ", "answer": "well, it's a profound depression. anhedonia (loss of pleasure) is particularly challenging for depressed people because it derails the feedback loop that helps people recover.   have you talked to a counselor or psychiatrist? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6i8did", "comment_id": "6i8did"}, {"question": "does this disability exist?", "description": "i keep hearing about dysgraphia, dyslexia etc but i don't think my disability exists or even has a name.you know the saying \"practice makes you perfect?\"yeah i never believed that. my entire life has worked exactly the opposite of that.  basically the more time and effort i spend on any task, and the more i practice, i actually get worse at that task.  the more i write, the worse my calligraphy gets. the more i cook, the more disgusting my dishes are. the more i drive, the more i do stupid shit and incidents. the more i type, the more typos i make. the more i speak, the more i sperg out and bite my tongue.  and don't tell me that \"it's just the beginning, keep trying and it gets better\" because i have been trying to write since i was born. and i know it's not dysgraphia because people with dysgraphia cannot even understand other people's writings, while i do. ...and i hope it stays that way.  is there anyone else in the planet with this disability? or do i need to ask r/suicidewatch instead?", "answer": "it sounds more like anxiety and struggling with perfectionism.  whenever you start to gain more of a skill, you generally become more self-aware of issues where you're lacking and need improvement.     for instance, there are a lot of people who like to sing but don't practice singing for performance.  many of them are damned tone-deaf but absolutely can't tell that they're not hitting notes when singing along with something.     if they choose to practice and gain more knowledge, experience with singing, slowly but surely they'll start to hear themselves better.  they actually are getting better, but it doesn't seem like it because before they were completely unaware at how bad they were whereas they've now gained the ability to see clearly where they are in relation to their goals.  it can be really frustrating but it's a necessary step to actually improving.  you have to push through and not give up on things because it appears as though you're not doing as well as you'd hope.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91fy3e", "comment_id": "91fy3e"}, {"question": "dog bite left superficial wound. do i need a vaccine?", "description": "yesterday i was jogging through a graveyard when a dog that belonged to a worker there bit me on the leg. it didn't tear the running tights i was wearing and mostly just left a bit of a bruise, but there is a scratch as well. once i stopped and started yelling at the dog, he cowered away. he didn't seem sick or anything. i think his wild instinct kicked in when he saw me running.  i didn't ask the worker about the dogs vaccination status since at the time i just look at the tights and saw that there wasn't a tear, so figured he couldn't have punctured my skin.  here's a pic of my leg: WEBLINK  do i need to get a rabies vaccination? should i go track down the graveyard worker and make sure the dog is vaccinated. what if it's not but also not sick?  age: 34 sex: male height: 5'10\" weight: 155 race: caucasian  duration of complaint: 1 day location (geographic and on body): brooklyn, ny  update: i went to a clinic. the doctor gave me a tetanus shot and told me i had to find the dog owner. found him and he told me the dog has his shots. thanks for your help everyone!", "answer": "[basically](WEBLINK) you need to find out the vaccination status of the dog if you can, and your own tetanus status. and see a doc.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5gts0h", "comment_id": "5gts0h"}, {"question": "fiance (24m) has anxiety about getting an erection, i (21f) have no idea what to do.", "description": "so my fiance and have i have been together for almost 3 years. for about a year now he's been having performance issues. i understand that stress plays a major role in this and etc, so please do not assume i'm being immature about this, i'm just frustrated because i cannot have pleasurable sex with my boyfriend and vice versa. we have talked about it a few times and it seems as if we cannot have sex. i say this because when we do its maybe for 5 minutes at best and i think he's worried about maintainin his erection so to avoid losing it, he ejaculates early. when this happens i tend to myself and have been for sometime since i cannot receive much pleasure. we do other activities which we both like but i want him to regain his confidence and enjoy sex but it seems as if that will never happen.   i should include that for some time i was not getting off from sex mainly because of how it was initiated, being approached with a hard penis and being poked in the ass with it is not very sexy to me. it appears that we can only have sex unless he initates it, i have tried 3 times and it was always met with, i don't think i can, which i understand.  not saying i'm not flattered by an erect penis but i'm never able to get wet before we have sex so we use lube and also i'm worried about him losing his erection.   i'm sure i'll come off as mean or rude to some of you but i have no idea what to do. right now i suggested we not have sex so that he's not having to worry about being hard enough for it and that we just do oral and etc but it i'd rather watch porn for myself and help him when he needs it. has anyone else had to deal with this? if so, how did you handle it? thanks for your time.", "answer": "have him talk to his doc about sildenafil. after a month, he'll forget to take it one day and he'll be  fine", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70wqay", "comment_id": "70wqay"}, {"question": "help talking to \u201csuicidal\u201d patients", "description": "hey all,   first things first: sorry for formatting (on mobile). sorry for the terrible throwaway name.   i am a paramedic/firefighter and recently we have had a string of calls for \u201csuicidal\u201d patients. i put it in quotes because each call is different and each patient is at a different point in the process of having suicidal ideations to acting upon them.   our contact time with these patients is usually between 15-60 minutes based on the level of their immediate medical needs. throughout paramedic school and in our continuing education training pretty much the only advice we are given in dealing with these patients is just to \u201cbe supportive\u201d. obviously this advice is good and much better than being judgmental or criticizing the patient, but i am wondering if there is more i can do.   each patient is obviously different from one another, so i know it\u2019s hard to give broad suggestions. other than just speaking to them in a supportive manner and tone/not acting condescending or judgmental, what can i do?   time is a limited factor in asking the background of why they are feeling this way, and we are transporting the patients to an emergency room to be medically cleared to go to a psych facility that has highly trained professionals waiting.   the physical health aspect is easy and straightforward to deal with. the mental health needs of these patients is what i would like to feel more comfortable with.   thank you in advance for any advice!  edit: this is also my first time ever posting to reddit, so i apologize if i made and newbie mistakes", "answer": "hello!   my city has a unique program where i am a therapist with the fire department. we have two teams where one takes the 911 mental health calls and another team to follow up with services/referrals.   here are a few things: there will be some people that will exhaust all of their resources and their baseline feelings will be suicidal ideation. the best you can do is talk to them and do your due diligence. many want to be heard, some just want negative attention.   look up motivational interviewing, with is what we mainly use as well as brief solution focused therapy (what do you need in the moment for you to thrive.) you can also look up grounding/deescalation techniques if they are getting worked up. you can also look up mental health first aid courses in your area and become certified (could potentially be a pay bump too.)  again you probably have frequent flyers where you think \"oh great we are going to see x\", or \"i dealt with them last time it's your turn.\" that's typical for most first responders  but there is an underlying reason to these patient's behaviors. some of these people just lack basic resources and don't necessarily know how to get them. there can be some broken links in the process especially if they are brought to the er and are not set up with proper resources from the social workers at the hospital. listen to them, hear their story, and see how you can help. if they are suicidal police would be able to put them on a 72 hour hold/eval. it helps with some and not others. try to be supportive in the moment and see what they need/how you may help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8o17q4", "comment_id": "8o17q4"}, {"question": "my tsh level was 5,06 about 6 months ago, my doc thought it was odd and told me to take another blood test and now it's 2,85?", "description": "hi. 24f. recently i've gained a lot of weight and i've been feeling a lot more depressed and tired. i already had depression but this is another level. also my tsh level was 5,06 so my doctor thought i could have hypothyroidism and that that would explain a lot. he told me to take another blood test and this time it was 2,85,which i think i'd within the reference levels... i didn't want to have thyroid dysfunction but i was happy that there was a logical explanation for this downhill. can it be a much more serious health issue?", "answer": "base on the information you\u2019ve given, it doesn\u2019t look like hypothyroidism. we can\u2019t comment on things that weren\u2019t tested.  depression alone can account for your symptoms and could worse or improve spontaneously.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "d5yh03", "comment_id": "d5yh03"}, {"question": "just lied to my lyft driver and it went terribly...", "description": "just left my psych's office and he immediately asked what goes on in the building. i said, \"oh just a doctor visit for my blood pressure\". apparently he has high blood pressure and he started asking me what my numbers were. i immediately tried my google-fu but my phone wasn't giving me any service. so i bullshitted with , \" i space out at my appointments\".  then he went on about i'm too young to have high blood pressure.  i wanted to fucking blow my brains out that whole ride home.  anyone have anything similar happen to to them?", "answer": "its always a bummer since people will still have opinions if you were honest...here is what i would say.... me: oh just seeing dr. nunya driver: nunya who? me: dr. nunya business", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "63egx6", "comment_id": "63egx6"}, {"question": "anxiety, paranoia, hallucinations, obsessive shopping - which drug/s might be causing these?", "description": "this is in relation to my partner. m47, 220 lbs, 5\u20199   conditions: bipolar nos, bpd, hypothyroid   smoker: yes, cigarettes, a pack a day, marijuana, 1 joint a weekend  medication: aripiprazole 5 mg, lamotrigine 200 mg, lithium 900 mg, propranolol 10 mg a few times a day for irritability and anxiety, synthroid i think 1.5 mg, occasionally zopiclone 7 mg for insomnia caused by the lamotrigine   this regime is new, about a year old.  occasionally valerian root supplements or 5 htp, for sleep.   location: canada   there are various symptoms he struggles with, i can explain what they are in a comment. right now i\u2019m concerned with extreme social anxiety and paranoia. he\u2019s also obsessive (about buying vinyl  records) since starting this regime.   he lives with constant anxiety around negotiating the sidewalk (we live in a busy city), his appearance esp weight and age, what people think of him, social media... this has been with him for a while but it\u2019s gotten worse in the past year or so.   he thinks a guy living in a building opposite us is trying to intimidate him by staring while both men are smoking. has also said this guy\u2019s copying him (by wearing a t shirt and jeans...)   and last night said he didn\u2019t totally think so but had the thought that i could be conspiring against him, with this guy across the way. (i tell him to ignore the guy, maybe that\u2019s why.)   today he thought he heard me calling his name, i wasn\u2019t. (no pot today)   since starting abilify he\u2019s said he feels a presence whenever he\u2019s working on recording music (he\u2019s concentrating a lot when he does that). the timeline for the abilify introduction and that symptom is definite.   the lamotrigine messes up his sleep (that is also a definite and specific correlation ). he either went without sleep or used her a supplements until recently. lately started zopiclone.   on zopiclone and valerian root, he told me he saw a visual hallucination (an album we were listening to on spotify via the tv) coming out of the tv.   he doesn\u2019t take zopiclone consistently and the marijuana is strictly weekends. the pot does make him anxious and i could see it contributing to hallucinations. he said he\u2019d take a break from it. so we\u2019ll see if that helps with hallucinations etc...   but could the abilify be contributing to the anxiety, paranoia, and obsessive vinyl buying?", "answer": "abilify can rarely cause compulsive behaviors, which include compulsive shopping. but along with that i would expect a decrease in paranoia and probably anxiety. these are symptoms that need to be discussed with his psychiatrist urgently.  valerian root 1) can affect the metabolism of other medications, and 2) is a supplement not subject to much quality control, and therefore could actually be almost anything. especially with an already complicated medication regimen i would recommend against it.  marijuana can cause prolonged psychosis in susceptible individuals because of its distribution and half-life. he should abstain not just during the week but for an extended period and see if that is helpful.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e83bpm", "comment_id": "e83bpm"}, {"question": "looking for a coach/guide--33-year-old learning to study the world", "description": "hey all,  i want to start over with my education. i learned about the adhd a couple of years ago and it put all of the pieces together. one of the pieces being how i have struggled to learn the things i deeply long to understand in the world. like history, governments, all of the systems humans set up and why they work the way they do. i was right the whole time, not imagining things--i really was missing something and unable to connect the dots. all i want is to be able to say i am an informed citizen, not just learning how to recycle the same narratives i hear around me (that is what i have done in the past, so i can at least sound informed.)  ​  so now i want to begin again with this new understanding of what doesn't work for me. and an ability to advocate for myself. i just don't know if i can do it alone. does anyone have advice for how to find someone who understands adhd brains who can help hold me to some kind of learning structure? maybe i would meet with them every month. i need help prioritizing what to pay attention to.  much peace, thanks y'all.  ​  edit: now i am realizing the right word for the person i am looking for is really \"tutor.\" i am looking for someone who can work with me on the content i want to learn, not so much a learning coach. they just have to be someone who understands adhd--i've had enough teachers in life who didn't understand the particular obstacles my brain has in the learning process.", "answer": "you might consider searching for a psychotherapist who specializes in adhd. a therapist with training and experience treating adhd may provide a number of similar suggestions as would an adhd coach; however, a therapist will be less accessible to you in terms of phone or email support than i imagine a coach would be, and that may be the reason your looking specifically for a coach to begin with. you could still reach out to a therapist who specializes, however, and ask if they also offer coaching/phone support at an additional rate or if they can give you referrals to a coach.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "au8awk", "comment_id": "au8awk"}, {"question": "[21m] can i safely exceed the recommended dose for sleeping pills if they don't affect me?", "description": "i barely got 5 hours~ of sleep in the past two days. my wisdom teeth (yes, two pushing at the same time, very fun) have been making my life a nightmare recently, but now that i'm also sick and my sinuses are as overfilled as our landfills, i can't even lay down for more than 2 minutes it puts weight on my already sensitive and hurt teeth. it's insane. i need to sleep before i lose my mind!", "answer": "not enough information. we need to m is what pills, any other medications you take, and any medical conditions you have.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dbhujm", "comment_id": "dbhujm"}, {"question": "holy sh*t! 1 year.", "description": "one year ago today i drove to work feeling terrible. nauseous, dry mouth, wondering if i\u2019d get a dui if i got pulled over, even though i hadn\u2019t had a drink that morning. i checked my face in the mirror and thought, puffy lips and eyes but maybe not too bad. maybe no one will know how bad off i am.   one year ago today i sat at my desk praying no one would need me until i felt a little better; water and coffee, let the advil soak in, come back at 10am and i might be functional.   one year ago today, as i did many days, i googled alcoholism, aa meetings, rehab and how to stop drinking. this stop drinking subreddit came up in my search results. i\u2019d never been to reddit before.   one year ago today i clicked that link and started reading. one year ago today i sat at my desk and cried because it was the first time i didn\u2019t feel alone. i closed my office door and read the stories, your stories, through my tears. i didn\u2019t feel so broken anymore.   one year ago today i actually found a noon aa meeting a couple of blocks away. i walked there and went into the wrong building with a stranger. he was looking for the meeting too. we left together and searched for the right place.  thank you aa stranger. if it hadn\u2019t been for you, i probably would have chickened out and turned around.   one year ago today i walked back to my office in tears (i became quite the blubbering idiot for awhile) feeling, not the shame i was used to but, relief.  i joined sd and made my first post, my daily pledge. i will not drink with you today.   i didn\u2019t know what the future held. i didn\u2019t know if this was a momentary lapse in my drinking or something more. all i knew is that this day i would forgo that first drink. i would not drink with you all.   i stopped going to meetings. i don\u2019t mediate or write in my journal as often as i did in the beginning. but i have never stopped coming here. it is a daily ritual for me.   thank you internet strangers for your stories and support. thank you stranger who got me to that first meeting. thank you amazing husband who was my daily source of real life support.   for those starting out- it really does get easier. old timers, keep on going.   i will not drink with you today. :)", "answer": "well done. a v good story. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8uwsps", "comment_id": "8uwsps"}, {"question": "why does my girlfriend ignore me on facebook?", "description": "me m/22, my gf/24. been together 3 years. broke up for 6 months last year.  we're friends on facebook, no relationship status, which is fine and dandy but everytime i post something on her wall, she pretty much ignores it. she doesn't acknowledge it whatsoever. however when other people do, she does. she made friends while we were apart, as did i, so there are new people in her life, but one dude in particular is always posting things on her wall and she's always liking them or commenting them. me on the other hand, she pretty much ignores/does not acknowledge publicly.  i'm starting to think a few things, like a) she does not want people knowing she's in a relationship, b) she bad mouthed me while we were apart and is embarrassed, or c) she's cheating on me.  either way, all of these come down to the fact it seems she doesn't want to publicly acknowledge me!  am i being ridiculous? it's starting to bug me, obviously.", "answer": "don't worry about how she treats you on facebook. how she treats you irl is what matters.   if it bugs you so much, though, you could simply ask her if she means to ignore your posts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ko77z", "comment_id": "ko77z"}, {"question": "how to", "description": "my husband is planning to stop drinking after several years of having 3-4 vodka tonics every night for 4-5 years. some nights maybe more. should he even attempt detox at home? worried about him doing it without medical support, but i also worry about covid 19. tia.", "answer": "y\u2019all are all so helpful and kind. he\u2019s not an internet guy but i\u2019m going to encourage him to come here. thanks so much and i wish you well on your own journeys!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "g80ic7", "comment_id": "g80ic7"}, {"question": "easy social tip thread", "description": "hey guys lets gather round and post some simple social tips we've learned on our journeys of self improvement. think things that that are immediately applicable and and easy to implement. i'll start:  instead of pointing at someone during a conversation, which can come across as aggressive and rude, gesture at them with an upward facing palm and outstretched fingers, as if you're presenting something to them. doing this in lieu of pointing will make you seem much more open and less standoffish. ", "answer": "make deliberate goals, and practice specifically to achieve those goals. if you go to the golf course and swing your club randomly, you're never going to get better. but if you go and deliberately practice part of your swing, you will get better.   same thing with social skills--set realistic goals, figure out the baby steps that lead to your goal, and practice practice practice.   if you need more advice, [this](WEBLINK) is a good resource on setting social skills goals.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11p7td", "comment_id": "11p7td"}, {"question": "i'm scared i might have to be committed to the hospital again.", "description": "i've been on a constant battle of highs and lows lately, and it's getting to the point where i'm concerned i might do something stupid and fuck up my whole system that i started for myself.  i'm getting anxious and my thoughts are clouded and horrible thoughts are being produced because of that anxiety and it won't stop. i think i'm coming to a point where i can't talk myself down and i really just don't want to go to the hospital because i can't get my shit together.  i just want to feel better and i thought i was doing well for a little bit but then of course i take two fucking steps in the opposite direction of my good path.  i don't have people in my life that i can share this with, my boyfriend is dealing with his own things at the moment and i feel like i'm burdening him with just more problems, but then i cause problems by being emotional when he acts stand-offish because he's dealing with his shit.   maybe it's better that i go to the hospital, i don't know.   i'm sorry if this doesn't belong here or if i'm not doing this right. it's my first time actually posting on reddit after being a long time lurker of multiple subs. ", "answer": "i found i feel the worst when i don't talk about it and keep it all in. it kills me inside to not but i feel so much better if i confront someone about how i feel and be real about it.   \"hey i know this sounds irrational but i feel this way\"", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "2kuqtr", "comment_id": "2kuqtr"}, {"question": "what is the next step? finally decided to do something about my depression ", "description": "i've finally decided to do something about my problems. i'm at the bottom. is there a certain type of doctor i should see? i haven't been to a doctor in 10 years. i feel a little lost about where to go from here.", "answer": "try looking for a therapist. just google \"therapist\" or \"counseling\" and your city, and it should provide a good list of your local resources. then just look for one that seems good and call the #", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ws2j2", "comment_id": "ws2j2"}, {"question": "do any of you have experience with somatic experiencing?", "description": "it was recently suggested by my therapist, and i wanted to see if anyone had any success or lack thereof with this kind of treatment. thanks", "answer": "i have some experience with sensorimotor which is a related modality. i find the body oriented stuff really really useful because there is some stuff that words just don\u2019t touch. i\u2019d love to do a more formal course of sensorimotor as a patient one day. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "82xawh", "comment_id": "82xawh"}, {"question": "[23/f] need other perspective on my relationship with my boyfriend [24/m]", "description": "so, i have been in a relationship with my bf for almost 1 year now and i am feeling very confused about what i should do. i'm quite an anxious person and i can get depressed sometimes for no reason, i've had eating disorders in the past and he knows about it. his personnality is pretty stubborn. we have different opinions on politics and some values and sometimes he can be obnoxious and not let me express my mind. he often feels like i'm making fun of him because sometimes i smile or scoff when he says something that i don't agree with. anyway the thing is i'm starting to wonder if we should take a break. i do love him and i don't want to lose him but he gives me so much pressure. i know he doesn't quite get my mental health problems but i feel like he's not trying, he's just being tough with me and instead on making me feel motivated it makes me really sad and resentful towards him. i feel like i need to sort myself out before being in a relationship especially since he's thinking about getting married and having a family with me. i do want that as well but not in the near future, i want to get my sh*t together first and feel comfortable with myself. the thing is we are living overseas right now and sharing appartement so if i want to take a break that would be moving out and i don't know if that's worth it. i tried to tell him about wanting to take a break but i'm afrait to hurt him. he has told me before that he thinks \"taking a break\" means breaking up. so i really don't know what to do, i feel confused and i'm starting to be really unhappy, as i have to pretend i'm not stressed or sad when i go home to not let him down. if you have any advice or if you've been through the same kind of stuff, i'd love to read what you have to say!  thank you for taking the time to read me, have a good day.", "answer": "always best to resolve anx/dep before making a major life decision", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vni2w", "comment_id": "5vni2w"}, {"question": "advice for an 18 year old taking a year off school", "description": "what should i do? i took a year off because i don\u2019t know what i want to do with my life or what i like. i sit at home and watch tv and it\u2019s killing me. what are some productive things i could do with my time? i like to learn about new things and want to explore all my options.", "answer": "try to better yourself in some way. take a class at a community center, learn a new skill, get a therapist, see a career counselor. do thunbgs that are fun but could help guide you in the future. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "72wx2i", "comment_id": "72wx2i"}, {"question": "yesterday i just walked out without any purpose", "description": "i had the idea to confront myself with my anxieties and just walked out without any purpose. i drove with the bus to our inner city here in l\u00fcnen, germany, and asked random people for a cigarette (usuallly i don't smoke, it was just a test) as a confrontation therapy to overcome social fear.   and i learnt that being denied (only two of 10 people i asked gave me a cigarette), that feeling of someone telling you 'no' is not a great feeling, yes, it is negative but it did not kill me. i registered it as a negative feeling that came and went away after a while. like all feelings.  now i have less anxiety talking to strangers or asking something because being denied is not that crucial as i always thought it would be.   what i want to tell you: just try to do the things you are afraid of! it will be uncomfortable but you will feel a feeling of success that is great!  ​  have a nice day.", "answer": "great task to give yourself.  it definitely helps with fear of rejection because a lot of people no matter how friendly they might be, won't give out cigarettes.  i hate when people ask me.    may i offer a suggestion for helping with socialization?  do the same thing, but don't ask for cigarettes.  have them and ask people that are smoking and standing around for a light saying you lost your lighter.  if they're just hanging out, outside of a bar, or in a park, or whatever, spark up a conversation while you smoke.  folks will be much more likely to give you a light and engage you in conversation than if you ask for a cigarette.  ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "9kp9sn", "comment_id": "9kp9sn"}, {"question": "please read this", "description": "so basically my story is that im usually a worrisome person. i have anxiety but over the years i've been able to control it tremendously. this past school year i was in a great time in my life. in may i went to a party and drank and smoked. as soon as i smoked i had an awful reaction and had the worst experience of my life.   the next morning when i woke up i didnt feel 100%. i felt in a daze. sometimes i felt in a dream. my anxiety was through the roof. i smoked a few times after that and quit on june 25th. i havent smoked since then. the problem is i don't see any change. i think i may be going through physcosis. i feel like im going to go crazy at times. my hearing is weird also. it's not as clear as it was before my experience. my head is heavy all the time it feels like an anxiety headache. i feel the anxiety in my head. i have some derealization from this. im always tired and always depressed. always feeling empty and lonely.    i want some advice. my parents are so against drugs so i havent told them and dont plan on if so please dont suggest that. they would kill me. i think its finally time for me to see a doctor but im not sure what to say. i'm not sure if meds are a good or bad thing. someone please help. i want to feel how i felt before this experience. i dont plan on smoking again. i dont feel confident anymore. i want to get better.   also forgot to mention that i have bad brain fog. everything is in a daze and my eyesight feels distorted but i have perfect vision. i was at the eye doctor last week. i want to be able to have a clear mind from now on. ", "answer": "to clarify, what did you smoke?  you're not psychotic. but go seek advice from your gp.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "52px9h", "comment_id": "52px9h"}, {"question": "question about yellow fever vaccines", "description": "hi all, i will be travelling to argentina on sunday. next wednesday, i will be travelling to an area where it is recommended that you get a yellow fever vaccine. i will be getting my shot tomorrow, as we had completely missed that you need to get vaccinated against yellow fever going there. my question is, since it is recommended you get it 10 days before travel, will i not be at all protected if we go there 7 days after, and going into the national park 8 days after? thanks in advance.", "answer": "you've answered your own question regarding [yellow fever vaccinations](WEBLINK). you will be at increased risk, and its a potentially a fatal disease.  any way you can rejig your itinerary?  (argentina is fantastic, by the way).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "56zfz1", "comment_id": "56zfz1"}, {"question": "as someone who found aa before i found reddit...", "description": "sometimes i read really great stuff in this sub. it has been helpful. i love to hear people talk about getting two or three days, and being genuinely proud of themselves. the daily quotes are great. i am still repeating one of the quotes actually \"a turtle never travels without sticking out his neck\". pretentious prick that i am, i say that all the time now. it makes me feel very wise haha.   now what is bothering me. there have been a number of times where people have posted here with very negative outlooks on the aa program. i guess it is not for everyone. i get that. i dont think it matters what kind of drinker/addict you are/were...it just doesnt work for everyone. most of the complaints about aa relate directly to the higher power/spirituality aspect of the program. this makes me want to explode. its like well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death. part of my program is supposed to be about accepting others and knowing that the only thing i can change is me. it is just very frustrating to see people put down a course of action that has worked very well for millions of people. it makes me see that person as clearly being too smart for their own good. i really enjoy this sub, but when people come here and bash aa...thats like going to r/trees and bashing weed. is there a subreddit for twelve step folks who enjoy being \"brainwashed in a cult\"? is the internet even acceptable within the 12 traditions? am i a total dick? is it totally unacceptable to tell someone who has a problem with aa where i think they should put their drinking problem?", "answer": "i had to learn through a lot of frustration that lending the hand of aa does not manifest in me coming here and fighting against every person who talks down about the program. believe me i did that for months. it's normal, it's human to care deeply for something that does so much for my life.   the issue with that fighting is that, what does alcoholics anonymous look like to the guy i just fought with when he has no where left to turn and can't stop drinking? will he think of an accepting group of people there to help him recover from a hopeless state of mind and body? or will he think of the asshole he said mean things and fought with him just because he had a different opinion.   if attraction rather than promotion is how our membership comes to be then, we have to conduct ourselves so that the program actually looks worthwhile. people who see, \"well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death.\" are going to turn and run away from this thing.   if a person wants to try and get sober without aa that is okay. if a person wants to get sober, but feels aa isn't an option because it's just a bitter group of people who have a my way or the highway mentality, then that is a failing on the part of the members of aa. it is my responsibility to practice these principles and all my affairs so that the next guy sees me and says, \"wow, this aa thing might really work.\"  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1yblyw", "comment_id": "1yblyw"}, {"question": "did i (17/f) cheat on my boyfriend or was i sexually assaulted?", "description": "my boyfriend (17/m) and i had been dating for a year, and we really loved each other. there was nothing about him i disliked and i really enjoyed being in this relationship with him.   i went to a party with a group of friends, thinking i knew a lot of people and there was parental supervision so i was in a safe space. this resulted in me drinking way more than i could handle (which is completely my fault, i didn't know my limits and i take the blame for going overboard) and can only remember small parts of the night. a guy i went to school with when i was younger was there, so we spoke and started catching up, however he made it clear he was interested in me romantically, so i told him i had a boyfriend and wasn't interested before leaving him to find my friends. i don't really remember anything else from the night. two of my friends and i left, and we all stayed the night together at one of their homes. the next morning i woke up with the worst hangover i'd ever had, and was sick all morning. one of my friends told me that last night, she'd seen me making out with the guy i mentioned earlier. i was so shocked, especially because i genuinely had no memory of it, and i was absolutely against cheating. i asked her why she hadn't stopped me and she said that she had tried, but i didn't respond to her when she asked what i was doing. another friend later told me that he had seen me throughout the night, lying on the ground and unable to walk or speak.   i told my boyfriend about a month after it happened, because i was so scared of what his reaction would be. he ended up dumping me, saying that i had cheated on him and that i 'clearly just wanted attention from other guys' and all of this really nasty stuff. i explained to him that i had no memory of it, that i didn't like or want the guy who had kissed me, how much of a bad state i was in, and that i was so so sorry, but he said being drunk was just an excuse girls use when they cheat. i'm so upset, because i don't see this as me cheating on him, i see this as me being taken advantage of in a near-unconscious state. he's now gone and told his friends that i cheated on him, which has spread around my school. is he correct in saying that i'm to blame? i know it's my fault for getting so drunk in such an unsafe environment, but can he really call what happened 'cheating'?   tl;dr - i got blackout drunk at a party and don't remember kissing someone else. is this cheating or did i get taken advantage of?", "answer": "the idea isn't so much cheating--in the largest sense that refers intercourse--  it's more that you put yourself in a situation with another guy that wasn't going to turn out well, and he has a right feel let down/betrayed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf97b", "comment_id": "5rf97b"}, {"question": "\u201csuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d i hate sayings like this with all my heart.", "description": "people who say these sort of phrases have no fucking idea what it\u2019s like to be in severe pain. they have no clue whatsoever. they\u2019re either not educated on cases where people are in severe pain and don\u2019t respond to treatment or they just don\u2019t believe it. they can\u2019t believe life can be that bad that suicide is the only option. and it\u2019s because they\u2019re basing their views on their own experience. their own feelings and thoughts which aren\u2019t the same as people contemplating suicide.   if people who say these bullshit phrases could just take a step back and think about things logically. for example, a person posts that they are going to kill themselves. they have suffered in pain for years, they are damaged, they\u2019ve tried countless treatments with no response and every day is filled with pain. without the fortune of not being in their shoes, can they not understand why suicide is a viable option? even if you can\u2019t feel their pain, surely the facts can speak for themselves. you have to be a fucking idiot to read about a case like that and say to them \u201csuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d or \u201cwe have to play the cards we are dealt\u201d.   do they really think that the suicidal person( after years of pain) is going to think \u201cthis quote has changed my perspective entirely. i think i\u2019m going to live now\u2019\u201d. whether the person intends to or not, sayings like this are patronising to people who have spent months or years weighing the options. i\u2019m not saying they should just let them die if they\u2019ve posted something like that. but patronising and bullshit quotes, when you can\u2019t relate, just makes me pissed off.   although it\u2019s hard and the person just wants to post to let the pain out, they can\u2019t without receiving responses that make them feel patronised and stupid. in general i just hate sayings and quotes. they shouldn\u2019t be applied to be such a common thing that applies to everyone and every case. there\u2019s no right way to respond to someone suicidal, but saying quotes is not the way. best way i can think of is just saying \u2018i\u2019m here if you need me for anything, if you want to talk\u201d. i\u2019m just a big believer in free will. no one should be confined to a life of pain.", "answer": "people who utter such inane platitudes have a blind spot where empathy should be. it\u2019s frustrating but all too common, like the guy who tells the homeless to get a job. but if you want to reduce the likelihood of suicide there is something you can do. we are currently experiencing an epidemic of suicide. gun owners are more likely to kill themselves or have a family member commit suicide than non gun owning homes. i don\u2019t own a gun and i avoid them as best i can. WEBLINK", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "hhpzqn", "comment_id": "hhpzqn"}, {"question": "new job, advice from mh workers?", "description": "*first post* i just got a new job as a support worker for the mentally ill. i've done support work before but with youth and this is going to be extremely different. can anyone give me a little heads up on what is expected? i have some idea but i was rushed into it and not too sure what is expected from me. i start my induction tomorrow, what am i too expect? thank you. ", "answer": "what type of facility will you be working at? what population?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4r1uaj", "comment_id": "4r1uaj"}, {"question": "retirement by herself...", "description": "a quick story about how i came to subscribe to sd.  recently, i completed a very detailed analysis on my wife and my financial situation and retirement plan.  i announced with no small amount of pride that if we made this small change and did this instead of that, she could go part time at work now and we could have everything we owned free and clear to do what we pleased by my 62nd birthday (about 12 yrs from now) instead of my 79th (the last plan).  as i imagined, she was very excited and happy for a brief moment, but surprisingly only a moment.  then she remarked quite flatly, \"too bad i will have to enjoy all this by myself.\"  needless to say, i was stunned -- had no clue where that came from. \"whaddayamean?\" i asked in a high pitched voice and arms in the air, thinking i should have been scoring huge brownie points at this announcement.  \"well, with your weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, lack of exercise, stress at work and drinking habits -- you won't be here to enjoy all this with me.\"  that night i went searching for online advice, signed up here and made my first daily pledge the next morning to not drink after 30 years of not often being too careful about the matter.  as i reflect, i realize how blessed i am to still be employed and resourceful, have a good family that still loves me and some promise ahead if i wake up now and stop letting the wind blow me into the next glass of whiskey (or beer or wine or vodka, doesn't matter, i like them all).  currently, i am quietly 4 days in with my 1st friday night out drinking seltzer and lime while the wife and (of age) kids enjoyed their favorite adult beverages. strangely, not a word was said, almost like she didn't want to jinx me.  one pitfall i discovered though...drinking four tall glasses of seltzer over a 2 hour period tends to make one somewhat more gassy than the bourbon. ;)  ", "answer": "well done. very mature in the best ways ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "92lrek", "comment_id": "92lrek"}, {"question": "depression feels good to me?", "description": "as the title says, being sad just feels so good.  during an extreme depressive episode, i will initially feel horrible and after a week, the depression feels satisfying in a way.  somewhat orgasmic for some reason.  for some reason it just hurts so good.  i also just ghosted my friends.  i now have nobody to talk to, but this self destructive behavior is so satisfying to me.  what is wrong with me?  and why do i forcefully isolate myself?  i am so lonely, even with friends and family around me.  my mind is more clear right now but when im in the gutters again i will probably continue this shitty behavior.  what is wrong with me?  why do i enjoy being depressed?  it sounds so fucked but it took me years to admit to myself that i enioy being depressed as much as i hate it, to the point where i never want to be happy again for some reason.  why am i so fucked?  is this normal?", "answer": "read the book \u2018addicted to unhappiness.\u2019", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "i5w928", "comment_id": "i5w928"}, {"question": "is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "early 20's caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which i've had since i was a young teen). when i first developed symptoms of endometriosis i started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness i switched to progesterone only pills, which i've been on continuously for the past five years. i had surgery and was also on lupron for one year. i have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but i also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of sle.   one of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when i don't have a fever). almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. there's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. it will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.  i've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. for a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, i was kind of dropped by my doctors... i don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. my doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. my gynecologist says it's not, because i'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think i am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). he says that even though i am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy i'm on.   this has become very frustrating. i live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and i feel like i can't even go outside anymore. i feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. the only solution i've been offered is to take tylenol every day, making sure i don't exceed 3,000 mg. i don't like this option because i don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when i'm not in a lot of pain.   do you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 f (37.0 c). even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. there's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "8y0xoy"}, {"question": "i think i have hepatitis", "description": "5'7 180 poumds smoker addict in recovery     test results   hep b  surf  aquant  49.7  status of immunity consistent with immuity     WEBLINK   do i? what does these mean  ", "answer": "did you get a hepatitis b vaccine? a negative surface antigen and positive surface antibody means immunity of some kind, either from vaccination or an infection that resolved on its own.  it's also hard to interpret hepatitis a antibodies without a surface antigen or breakdown of igm and igg antibodies. it's also usually not important. hepatitis a makes you sick, but then you recover. if you don't feel sick, it's generally not a problem. my guess is, again, that you either have gotten the vaccine or had hepatitis a in the past.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "92vwrl", "comment_id": "92vwrl"}, {"question": "how can i get over my intense fear of rejection", "description": "so pretty much i have my biggest fear is being rejected. its so bad im 19 and i never had a real gf not because im ugly or people dont like me just because im so scared of them saying no. any tips to overcome this fear?", "answer": "not exactly but almost exactly everyone you don't ask is essentially a no. you guarantee rejection by not asking and the reality of rejection may not be as bad as the anxiety over it. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "4c66rc", "comment_id": "4c66rc"}, {"question": "do smart people judge/categorise others as stupid/not up to their intelligence level?", "description": "background:  i've been around smart people all my life (selective school/top university, and within that i tend to put myself into positions where i am in the middle of the super-smart ones..) but have always struggled to keep up with them academically and intellectually due to social anxiety, depression, etc getting in the way. so whilst i'm a curious person, i've even been scared to ask questions about things i don't understand, which starts a vicious cycle of guilt, embarrassment and non-learning!  in terms of sport, the difference might be comparable to being amongst players in a top 4 premier league team, when i'm simply a mid-level player in a team near the bottom of the table. so arguably in the same league, but there's ultimately a big difference between us.  question:  my question is, whilst i'm not stupid - i can't keep up with them when they're at top speed unless i slow them down by asking a load of questions. after a while would they start getting mildly irritated and disregard me as someone who isn't quite on their 'level' and can't keep up? or is it entirely in my head and asking lots of questions is exactly what i should do when i'm not understanding them? (since there are now a lot of gaps in my general knowledge, i would need to do this doubly from now on..!)", "answer": "there is a difference between intelligence and expertise.  highly intelligent people can often come up to speed faster but may still perform more poorly next to less intelligent experts at least at first.  and then stuff like anxiety will degrade the advantage of intelligence as it hogs the brain's cpu so to speak.  stuff to think about.  being publicly judgmental is neither about being expert or intelligent.  but more about cruelty, dominance or need for efficiency.  in any event, its not personal when it does happen.  hope this helps.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "20s06c", "comment_id": "20s06c"}, {"question": "how do you find your will to live again after a bad breakup/divorce?", "description": "hello reddit. i need some help.  what do you do when you are mentally strong enough to stop yourself from committing suicide, but not enough to pull yourself out of a deep depression where you have no will to live?  every day i dread waking up, wishing i was dead. i am only 34 but as ridiculous as it sounds i am convinced my best years are behind me. i know theoretically if i give it months or years the hurt may slowly fade, but right now i can barely get through each day. i am making myself physically ill and can barely concentrate at work, but i can't afford to take any more sick days.  my girlfriend of nearly 10 years left me several months ago and i am not coping well. she was the love of my life and i had been planning on proposing to her during our vacation this fall. she said she is very sorry but she just doesn't love me anymore, moved in with her sister and is already seeing someone new. after she collected the last of her things, she blocked my number. i have been respecting her wishes to leave her alone and try to move on.  i am beyond devastated. i know it takes time, but i am really struggling to stay afloat each day. i have nothing to look forward to, live for, or reason to get up in the morning. she was the one i dreamed of travelling with, marrying, and starting a family. i was going to be a good dad one day and live a happy simple life with the love of my life. my future is gone.  i have tried all the usual advice, researched the stages of grief, how to cope with breakups or divorce, methods of coping, seen a doctor, refused antidepressants (but am considering them now despite bad experiences with them many years ago), bike to work for exercise, try to force myself to eat, hang out with my best bud, get out of the house and try new things etc..  yet nearly 24/7 i feel so hopeless and depressed i can barely function. distractions don't work because i can't stop thinking about her. life is meaningless without her.  i know this is supposed to pass in time but i can barely hold on each day and just keep daydreaming about killing myself even though i know i won't - i couldn't do that to my poor parents.  how do you find your will to live again?", "answer": "sometimes grief becomes a clinical depression.  i would talk to your doc. grief is different for everyone.  give yourself things to look forward to everyday. put structure in your days off and weekends, so you're not waking up saturday mornings to an abyss of time and empty space. surround yourself with people who love you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fhmud", "comment_id": "6fhmud"}, {"question": "feeling guilty for burdening my therapist.", "description": "  **i feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. how can i feel like i am not overwhelming my therapist?**        today at therapy i told my therapist how suicidal i have been lately and that i was scared and hopeless. she doesn't want to send me to the hospital but she doesn't want me to kill myself either. we are meeting again on friday, but i am suppose to call her if i am feeling terrible.      i know i scared her and worried her, and that i am being stubborn and impatient.      don't tell me \"it's her job\" to care because that will make me feel worse. i feel like i should \"pretend\" to get better just to make her stop worrying, and separate myself from her. she is so important to me that it is pathetic. i should not bring her down.  **i feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. how can i feel like i am not overwhelming my therapist?**", "answer": "people don't go into helping professions, like being a therapist, if they didn't care about people. yes, its her job and she is getting paid to listen and to help you- but if she didn't care about people, she most likely wouldn't like her job. and if she didn't like her job, she probably would have found another.  if you are feeling worse, or suicidal *please* tell her. don't feel guilty at all for them. trust me (i work in a counseling setting) you're not overwhelming her.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sehva", "comment_id": "sehva"}, {"question": "120 days + my favourite quote, which resonates now more than ever.", "description": "\"in the greatest confusion there is still an open channel to the soul. it may be difficult to find because by midlife it is overgrown, and some of the wildest thickets that surround it grow out of what we describe as our education. but the channel is always there, and it is our business to keep it open, to have access to the deepest part of ourselves\u2014to that part of us which is conscious of a higher consciousness, by means of which we make final judgments and put everything together. the independence of this consciousness, which has the strength to be immune to the noise of history and the distractions of our immediate surroundings, is what the life struggle is all about. the soul has to find and hold its ground against hostile forces, sometimes embodied in ideas which frequently deny its very existence, and which indeed often seem to be trying to annul it altogether.\"  -saul bellow, noble prize winner.  this quote needs some clarification (it is a comment on his great novel *herzog*, about a man in deep crisis). by soul/higher consciousness, he means this in a very literal (rather than mystical) way. 'higher consciousness' here does not mean 'god' necessarily, (quite frankly, i see nothing specifically religious about his statement), merely a set of beliefs we regard as great. we all have them: e.g. i want to quit drinking, i want to be a better person, i want to lose weight, whatever... they differ from person to person, but we make certain goals or ideals at certain times. to use an analogy, i like to think of it as a back-up drive to a computer, separate from the main thing.  but reality is not so clean, not so focused. reality can be cruel. reflecting on history can be depressing (our own personal histories, and the history of civilisation). but we can always return to those initial statements we made. to continue the computer analogy, we're bound to get a virus, our computer is going to freeze, etc... we have to reboot now and again. clear the drives, delete the unnecessaries, update our software. but we have that backup. and it's our job to keep it updated. to refer to it. amend it if need be. this, as bellow points out, is what the life struggle is all about.  thanks for your help /r/stopdrinking!", "answer": "this is a beautiful thought from a great thinker.  thanks for passing it on.  i stopped drinking when i was 23 and i'm 58 now.  i don't regret it.  i'm still working on keeping that channel open.   here's another:  an adult is a person who is not governed by demands for immediate pleasure, comfort and excitement. moreover an adult is able to organize the events and emotions of their life into a memory, a rough meaning, a story. an adult understands that the world belongs primarily to the dead and we only rent it from them for a little while. they created it, they wrote its literature, its songs and are deeply invested in how children are treated because children are the ones who will keep it going. the adult is the one who has been able to preserve his or her intensities, including the intensities proper to their generation. an adult is one who goes out and gathers jewels of feeling for others. finally, the adult understands renunciation.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "25cjrn", "comment_id": "25cjrn"}, {"question": "who is your biggest help through your depression? mine is kid cudi", "description": "cudi has helped me through a lot. i feel like no one i know really gets me however i feel as if cudi speaks to me through his music, especially his first album ", "answer": "absolutely love his first album.  really well written.  i've always loved hardcore and punk music.  was a good way to kind of release some anger/rage.  the fast beats and screaming always kind of got my blood pumping when i felt lethargic and just drained of energy.  -the web shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6x9jj6", "comment_id": "6x9jj6"}, {"question": "does too much empathy discount an asperger's diagnosis?", "description": "my psychologist (not a specialist in asperger's) seems to be convinced that i'm somewhere on the autism spectrum. he's brought it up to me before that i exhibit a lot of the same characteristics that someone with asperger's would have, just to a lesser degree and to a different extent. i agree with him and we are currently looking for a specialist to have me tested. in the meantime i've been keeping track of my own behaviour so that when i am tested i have a semi-record of some of my day-to-day thoughts and behaviours.   something that i've noticed while i've been journaling my own behaviour is that i feel a lot of empathy for other people. the only thing that makes me doubt that i might have asperger's is that sometimes people's facial expressions can heavily affect my emotions. for instance, the other day i saw a man crying and i immediately picked up on it and was almost brought to tears myself. in addition to that i intuitively respond to other people's smiles, and almost can't help myself from smiling when someone is genuinely smiling. if i'm having trouble putting myself in someone else's shoes i can effort myself into seeing their perspective   i certainly have a lot of the other aspect's (poor socialization and \"intense\" interests) but my empathizing doesn't seem to fit the bill. from your experience does any of this discount an asperger's diagnosis?", "answer": "it shouldn't.  the word empathy does not appear in the diagnostic criteria for asperger's.  p.s.  18 days until the dsm-v is released and asperger's will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis (in the u.s., at least).", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dzouv", "comment_id": "1dzouv"}, {"question": "does anyone have a mantra against thinking \"i'm difficult\"", "description": "i feel like, \"i'm being difficult\" runs through my head about a thousand times a day. i know i'm just beating myself up, and i also know i could shift that and be kinder to myself.  ​  every sour interaction,  every negative response i get from someone, micro or otherwise, i mentally go to that place of recognition that says \"oh, i'm being difficult again\". its why friends back off from me, lovers have left, the struggles with my parents, and why i've lost good-standing in jobs.  ​  does anyone have some kind of dbt skill or mantra they use to combat this particular line of thinking?", "answer": "ifs had some good techniques for this, one of the primary being: \" how has this being difficult been used as a way to protect or care for me and it's this still necessary?\"", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "a0jtxu", "comment_id": "a0jtxu"}, {"question": "please settle this for me! what test for insulin resistance?", "description": "basically, the title. i'm trying to get pregnant, and wondering if i should be on metformin. my re tested my fasting insulin and said it's really good (i believe she said they look for it to be under a 10, and it's a 4), so that met wouldn't do me any good. but i can tell i have hypoglycemia issues, and i also know i've seen people on here say that test isn't sufficient. so what test(s) should i insist on? thanks ", "answer": "hmm. fasting insulin usually is the go-to test to diagnose insulin resistance. you could ask for the 3-hour oral glucose tolerance test, but that's a pain and not all centers will even do it (i think). ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3ly4vr", "comment_id": "3ly4vr"}, {"question": "what are the best career survey tests?", "description": "im looking to find a comprehensive test, one that is preferably long (~200 questions). willing to pay money for it. need to find a good indicator of what i should study and pursue.", "answer": "you may be able to find a career counselor in your area that can help you. college campuses almost always have a career center - i don't know if they'll take outside folks but their services are free for students and alumni.   i work at a high school, and one of the ones we use for students is called strengthsexplorer - it's meant for younger teens but hey, it might help. do what you are is another one that's based mainly on personality, i know there's a book on that one.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "diwt78", "comment_id": "diwt78"}, {"question": "[34/m] looking for advice about wife [29/f]. no abuse, no cheating, nothing wrong but just not great.", "description": "obvious throw away account but i really need to ask some advice and i can't reach out to friends (most are mutual and the others are guys who aren't really the kind i can ask this about) or family (not close, not helpful).  i am 34m and i really dont know what to do about my relationship with my common-law wife 29f.  our relationship is fine; no one is cheating, no one is abusive, no one is even neglectful. we have been together going on 7 years, we were best friends before we started dating and we still are.  but for the last little while (12-18 months), i just feel like that's all we are, if that. i care about her and i love her but i just dont know if i am in love with her anymore.   we do not have alot of the same interests; tv shows, movies, books, hobbies etc.  we do not talk alot anymore; not that we ignore each other or do not spend time together, we just do not seem to have anything interesting or engaging to say to each other. we are still attracted to each other and have sex fairly regularly but it doesn't have the same \"pop\" it did.   we dont have kids; though we do have pets.  we dont own anything together (except a car) and dont really have any debt.  it would be painful but not extremely hard (finanically or legally) to get out of the relationship.  but i am not sure what to do.  is this just normal? do all relationships just become routine and bland with time? i am just suffering from \"grass is greener\" syndrome?  i have tried to talk to her about this but i dont even know how to explain it to her.  \"sorry honey, i love you but i find you boring?\"  any help?", "answer": "i think you just have to be pro-active about doing new things and sharing new experiences. you prob. fell in love while you were doing fun activities. hopefully that formula works again.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "650rw5", "comment_id": "650rw5"}, {"question": "answering \u201chow are you?\u201d honestly", "description": "anyone else ever feel like just answering \u201cnot good\u201d or just being really honest when being asked this question by strangers or acquaintances. there\u2019s people in my office who ask me this everyday and i feel awkward sometimes answering it, one of them picked up on it and after i mumbled \u201cgood\u201d they said \u201cyou don\u2019t sound too convincing!\u201d", "answer": "most of the time i will answer honestly if someone's legitimately asking and it's not just a standard greeting.  (i live in the northeast so \"hey how you doing?\" means \"hello\" and is often answered with \"hey how you doing?\" more often than an actual response.)   i don't see anything wrong with \"not doing so great today\", \"having a bit of a rough week.\", \"feeling kind of tired.\" \u2026\u2026. you?   if they care to know why or talk about it they'll ask.  if they don't, they won't.  it takes a lot less mental energy to just be honest than to try to walk around with a fake smile on my face.  having more mental energy helps me to turn it around when i can.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ac8r8h", "comment_id": "ac8r8h"}, {"question": "how to socialize in us?", "description": "i(26,m,indian), will be moving to seattle this september for my masters degree. how do i socialize there and make connections? small talks? i know a few students there and they say that people over there are polite but not very friendly.", "answer": "in the united states for people around your age, bars and house parties are probably the most common ways that folks socialize.     inviting classmates in your program to go get a drink at a bar after class to discuss the class or just hang out would be a good idea or asking to join others you know are going.  if you don't drink, you can still go to a bar and order a soft-drink or food.  it's common to invite people over to where you're staying to have a drink or engage in a shared hobby. during this time you may find you have an interest or hobby that you didn't know you shared in common(sports, video games, board games, playing music, etc.).  once you find out shared hobbies you can make plans to do those things together.       since you're a male, it's often looked at with some suspicion and some apprehension to invite a woman over to your apartment or out for a drink platonically as many would perceive it as your attempt to date them.  to avoid this, invite people in groups, at least at first, unless your intention is dating.      the united states is vastly different depending on region of friendliness, politeness, etc.  in the pacific northwest i think you'll find that people are very friendly and relaxed, though not always direct so as to not appear impolite.  i make this comparative observation when compared to my area of the country (the northeast, think boston to dc), where we're a bit more high strung, fast-paced, friendly, but often blunt and honest even if it comes off as rude.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zbgtp", "comment_id": "8zbgtp"}, {"question": "me [23/m] don\u00b4t know how to deal with ex-girlfriend [22/f]", "description": "hello,  i want to share with you about my experience and ask what you would do in my place. as the title says, i have some problems with a former girlfriend, specifically i do not know what relationship i should keep with her. we broke up in late february, after a brief but intense relationship. our feelings were mutual, but on her part it began to cool down over time. she started to avoid me, repeatedly advise me to find someone else, emphasizing that we only few things in common, and all the time she was in contact with her ex-boyfriend, with whom she could go back together. when this uncertainty in relationship was no longer bearable, i decided to tell her my doubts, even though i knew it would end with a break up.  she recoverd relatively easily because she was emotionally involved in someone else but it was very hard for me. even after the break up, we spent a lot of time together (her new/old boyfriend works abroad) as if nothing had happened. actually, she contacted me a few hours after we broke up, and then when she later admitted she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, as if nothing had happened. i tried to accept everything, respect her decision, move on and have a friendly relations with her. but i was just lying myself, hoping to rekindle our relationship. until recently, i was in a vicious circle in which i repeatedly fell in love with her, only to be disappointed with her statement or a mention of her boyfriend.  i have realized, that can\u00b4t keep up with this anymore, and i decided to stop communicating with her. we are already communicating much less than before, we meet occasionally... and i feel better. i do not think of what happened, where the error happened, and i feel i'm growing as a person. but i also feel remorse against her and our common past, when i get away from her life in this way. i do not want act as i can\u00b4t control my feelings and doing unnecessary scenes. most of the time in my life i\u00b4am trying to be reasonable and act as a grown-up, but sometimes it\u00b4s not possible, and i've probably come across my limit.  if i did not do that, there two possible scenarios of our relationship. i would either fall in love with her again only to be dissapointed again, or i would start to hate her and i really don\u00b4t wish for this, because despite the things she did to me, she is a great person with amazing character. however, i have encountered my personal limit, and i do not think i can maintain friendly relations with her without losing my hope of reviving my relationship.  do you think i'm doing well if i get out of her life like that? what would you do in my place? do you have similar experience like me?  thank you in advance for readings and answers.", "answer": "yes. you're doing fine cutting her off. move on with your life!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh9lk", "comment_id": "6dh9lk"}, {"question": "what's the best way to cope with people incorrectly thinking i'm insane?", "description": "19m here.  i'm in a really bizarre situation.  there are people who think i'm insane but i'm not; my actual typical thinking/behavior is extraordinarily grounded and insightful.  while due to reflections of eccentric thoughts in two occurrences, people have surmised i'm mentally ill.    3 different doctors diagnosed me with schizophrenia.  i was hospitalized twice in psych wards.  but, there's bizarre catch to the 3 diagnoses, and the hospitalizations.    late may 2018, my life utterly changed.  at which point i began trying to steep in spiritual discipline and awareness, which i was for the large part successful in.  i sought righteousness and health.  i took notes of discerned wisdom to live more correctly by.    i was first hospitalized in october 2018 when i was 18.  it was due to writing a letter to my neighbor demanding they stop attacking me with telepathy, at which point the neighbor lied in the report saying i behaved and talked in crazy ways to them in person.  such caused the grounds to warrant the hospitalization.  when i seen the doctor he barely talked to me, but rather listened to me go on about how i'm sane, i meditate, i steep in spiritual discipline, and so on.  the doctor joined the party of lying and deceived people in my mental health hearing, and additionally didn't do his job right at all.  i got my medical record later and seen more lies.  i thought people were attacking me with telepathy due to a coat over my mind's eye which god supplied for spiritual guidance.  he has a plan for my life.  i no longer believe people have telepathy.    before the second hospitalization, god coated my soul with captivating revelation and guidance, with an intimacy with his spirit that lead to bliss!  bear in mind i had been so oriented to righteousness and health.  god named this event \"comma\".  eventually he filled me with his spirit so much i was doing his will.  he wasn't controlling my thoughts, but coating over them.  it lead into eccentric behaviors, due to the mysterious power of god's orchestration; his mysterious intelligence.  i was hospitalized in the heat of the moment due to being out in the cold without a coat on and being eccentric.  i was diagnosed with schizophrenia, while again not meeting the criteria.  i was discharged to outpatient commitment.    the doctor in the outpatient followed the bandwagon and assumed i'm schizophrenic.  while i didn't actually meet the criteria.    there are other people who follow the bandwagon as well.  but i do not meet the criteria!  i've done research.  i don't meet the criteria or symptoms of any mental illness in reality.  i was merely misunderstood in the process of being guided by god.  not only is my behavior clearly not ill, but it's extraordinarily grounded in sanity!  i'm very stable in all areas of life.  i used to meditate like a hindu daily, but now i try christian prayer daily, which i am proficient in.  there's nothing hindering my ability to function well in any area if life... i'm eloquently social, i'm organized, i'm ethical, i'm joyous, etc.  plus, i have off the charts insight and intelligence, which is frankly existential and psychological, plus linguistic.  i'm writing a psychoanalytical book on this matter titled i'm not insane.    what's the best way to cope with this?  do you have any other advice?", "answer": "where are you now ?  when you are in the hospital,  or in outpatient treatment,  do you have access to a minister or chaplain with whom you can discuss your spiritual concerns?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f8z009", "comment_id": "f8z009"}, {"question": "ohh the glorious impulsivity that comes with being borderline.", "description": "i posted the other day about working/holding down a job while having bpd. i said how much i hated the job after two weeks in.  well, i quit the job yesterday. i just didn't want to deal with it anymore and it was causing me more anxiety and stress. i just couldn't stick with it.  no, i don't have a job lined up. i've taken the initiative and started applying for jobs though before i officially quit. i do have an interview tomorrow.  it's really difficult for me to hold a job. i have to really like it to want to stick with it. no matter what people tell me, no matter how hard they try to encourage me... if i don't like it, i flee (as with most things in life). people try to tell me to just be mature and stay until something better comes along... i can't! i literally can't. and it's impossible trying to explain it to someone who doesn't fucking understand at all. and the worst part is, i'm so charming and bubbly during the interview, i usually get the job. then after i'm at the job for a little bit, and i hate it, i just stop showing up or make an excuse for having to quit.  my brain is too complicated to explain to neurotypicals and it's exhausting trying to do so.  am i the only one who struggles with being impulsive? i can't be. i'd really like some support if any of you could help. x", "answer": "i struggle too, i practice radical acceptance and opposite action though, knowing full well most often my feelings are not correct and it will pass over time. plus self care ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "6d4ye3", "comment_id": "6d4ye3"}, {"question": "my aunt died 3 years ago and i'm still upset", "description": "i grew up with a not great enviroment and childhood (downplaying it a bit) and my aunt was the most healthy guardian type figure i had. in 2017 she died of a stroke. i was in the car and my dad got a call and he told me. i had to tell my mom.  after everything in my life idk why but her dying was overall somehow the most traumatizing.   i'm turning 18 next week. she used to call me every birthday and sing me happy birthday, without fail. her bday just passed (oct 13) and it also wouldve been 1 year of me and my ex dating (but we broke up and he did a lot of fucked up shit). ontop of a entire other set of problems i feel fucking terrible.  i started sobbing in school because i miss her so much and i'm so sad on xmas and bday because ever since she died nothing has been the same. me turning 18 wouldve been a hugeeee deal to her. she always supported me and made me so happy. she also had been hospitalized for mental health stuff like me so she never judged me and understood my issues.   i have some days i have such terrible anxiety attacks abt her being dead. i have anxiety and it used to be even worse. i would have paralyzing anxiety attacks. now i have really subtle ones because i repress my emotions. but when i think abt her too much, i have the worst anxiety attacks. i'm unable to stop crying and i can't breathe when it happens.   i just feel so unsupported and unsafe. i wanna feel okay. i wish i had someone who made me feel good on holidays again, who cared. who was there.", "answer": "please take a look at /r/cptsd; i think you may be traumatized.  i think the loss of your aunt hurts the most because she is the symbol of all that causes you to feel safe in this world, and with the passing of your aunt, it's like safety left the world. that's a very painful way to live.  please, when you can, get yourself to a solid therapist who can help you sort this out.", "topic": "mmfb", "post_id": "dn4475", "comment_id": "dn4475"}, {"question": "i [23 f] have recently found out, after an mri scan, have inflammation occurring in certain areas of my brain and a 12 mm (in diameter) non-cancerous, benign tumour. what might come of this?", "description": "hi, am mentioned above, it's been found that i have brain inflammation and a benign brain tumour.   my doctor struggles with my language so i felt like i couldn't get some necessary information out of him. i still really like him though, because he sincerely cares and really stays on top of things regarding my health which is rare in my city when you're a poor student who can't pay out of pocket.   i got the scans done because i have been withdrawing off of an ssri (anti-depressant) with the brand name 'pristiq'. this drug messed me up pretty hard after being on 150mg for 6 months. i felt i'd fallen into a sort of hyper depression and was suffering from headaches and general acheyness. withdrawing off of it hasn't been much better either- i feel pretty crazy most of the time.   anyway, are these brain issues something i need to keep track of for the rest of my life? i've been told i have to get scans bi-yearly from here on out. what are the worst case scenarios and the more likely scenarios? are there any healthy habits i can pick up to help?  what can i expect in terms of side-effects.   i know i might be freaking out unnecessarily, but anything to do with the brain feels scary...", "answer": "yeah i think we all want to see the report in its entirety before we comment.  ps. pristiq (desvenlafaxine) isnt an ssri, but an snri (but that's beside the point).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6sdbue", "comment_id": "6sdbue"}, {"question": "i [20f] have a crush on a friend [22f] but i love my partner [24f] of almost a year.", "description": "so i'm a junior in college; i met my girlfriend online. we flirted long distance for a few months before we started dating, and then we spent the summer together. she moved across the country to continue her degree at my school and now we're roommates as well as partners.  she's amazing. i can definitely see us having a long and happy future together.  but.  i've started getting involved in the campus radio station. the other night i went to a meeting and met one of the student leaders who i'd heard of but never officially met.  we hit it off and i thought i'd gained a great friend. i'll admit i was the tiniest bit attracted to her but didn't flirt or anything.  shortly after that things started getting weird. she invited me to her apartment housewarming party. she asked me to dinner and a movie. it was my girl who pointed out that she was flirting. i asked her about it and she admitted it. then i let her know that i had a girlfriend and wasn't interested.  ever since i met this other girl, i've been wondering what it would be like if i were single and able to explore the possibility of a relationship. it's not like i'm sexually attracted to her; i just think she's such a cool person.  i'd never cheat on my partner, and she's said that if we were to break up she wouldn't come back. i really love her and couldn't imagine my life without her. she knows about my crush and insists it's normal. she's been working to fix some small issues in our relationship. but i'm worried it's not normal and it won't go away. no matter how hard i try i think about seeing where things might go with the other girl and feel so guilty.  what should i do? tl;dr: i love my girlfriend of almost a year but have an intense crush on another girl that makes me wish i could explore it. i'd never cheat but don't want to break up. the other girl has no idea and keeps trying to get closer to both of us as a friend. ", "answer": "you're going to have crushes for the rest of your life. you're the only one who gets to decide what they mean and what to do about them, but i'll repeat: you're gonna have crushes for the rest of your life. no matter who you're with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70p07p", "comment_id": "70p07p"}, {"question": "guys, what is your secret to stop drinking?", "description": "it seems i cannot stop myself from drinking once every few days.  ​   i am not drinking daily, but it seems that i cannot stop myself from doing it more than a few days.", "answer": "often people relapse because they think they can't drink ever again and they cave. drink whenever it makes sense. drink if your tomorrow self is okay with it.    then learn what the transaction of alcohol really is. once you know the real costs and the real benefits and you have the freedom to use whenever it adds up, you'll decide to not.  it's not forever, just not now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cx5jlf", "comment_id": "cx5jlf"}, {"question": "has anyone had experience with anxiety at elevation?", "description": "i\u2019m in denver co for a few days and i have a known general anxiety disorder with panic attacks. i live in florida so i\u2019m at sea level normally.  since i arrived thursday i have been significantly more anxious!! all day anxiety, panic attacks that creep up, panic attacks all night (three so far tonite).   i can only talk myself down from these so much, plus it has ruined my trip so far since i keep canceling activities.  any and all advice is appreciated, thank you!", "answer": "remember that anxiety is triggered by your brain having a good enough fit with previous anxious situations so anything that increases the goodness of fit for that physiological or cognitive state will move your brain towards an anxious state. well the altitude probably isn't the caused by itself it could be a threshold trigger which is just pushing you above the level where the anxiety becomes a conscious awareness and escalate through thoughts and increased physiological hyperawareness after that.  edit: ninja resting way for you to check would be to try breathing through a coffee stirrer to see if that also starts giving you anxious thoughts or anxious feelings. often even though you control the coffee stirrer in your mouth it will make your body feel like you're starting to have a panic response because of the lack of oxygen and the fear of not getting enough.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "bkl4sp", "comment_id": "bkl4sp"}, {"question": "alcoholic father, is there any hope for him?", "description": "my father is 50 years old, he\u2019s always been an alcoholic. he started drinking at 7, he used to sneak out and drink directly from wine bottles, later in life it got worse and worse til were we are now.  he has a complicated life story, promiscuous dad that had problems with rage and honestly i think he was abused as a child but i\u2019m not sure.  he had my sister at 21 and me at 23 and he never gave up the partying and the alcohol, it\u2019s been a difficult life for us, his alcohol problem has led to him punching my mom on multiple occasions, sexual harassment of his employees, even a gun chase at some point because he was so drunk he started fighting with people on a bar that were armed. it\u2019s been really hard on us, it\u2019s hard discerning between his rol as a dad and his actions.   the thing is that he\u2019s very successful despite everything, so he\u2019s never really struggled because of alcohol. they\u2019ve detained him and spent 36 hours in jail because he was driving drunk, he\u2019s crashed, he\u2019s been in fights etc but never hit rock bottom, at least not in his mind. he thinks of drunks as homeless people sleeping on the streets and he\u2019s never going to get to that place.   right now he\u2019s starting to suffer some natural consequences though . he gets panic attacks the day after drinking and doctors have told him he has a fatty liver. the panic attacks really scare him but he denies it has anything to do with alcohol even though they always happen after a night of heavy drinking (which is almost everyday) he completely denies he has a problem and gets incredibly mad if you even suggest it.   today it\u2019s currently 4 am and i woke up to him coughing super hard, so i went downstairs and saw him sleeping on the floor with cockroaches running beside him. my heart sunk, it was the saddest thing i\u2019ve seen. i touched him and told him to go upstairs to sleep but he couldn\u2019t even talk.   what im asking is, is there any hope for him to realize his problem and get help if he never hits rock bottom? if this life of drinking is all he\u2019s known?   im not trying to save him (my mom is though) i know there\u2019s nothing i can do and honestly i\u2019m resentful of all the things he\u2019s put us through, so i\u2019m even reluctant to have a relationship with him at all. but now seeing these consequences i was wondering if we should abandon all hope of him admitting his problem and getting help.   tltr :  dads 50, started drinking at 7, it\u2019s gotten him in a lot of shit but never seems to hit rock bottom and doesn\u2019t even want to think about admitting to himself he has a problem even though he\u2019s getting panic attack\u2019s after drinking and many other things  like gun chases, domestic violence, sexual abuse etc  is there hope?", "answer": "unfortunately people often need to come to the conclusion they have a problem and need help on their own. doesn\u2019t mean there isn\u2019t any hope. i\u2019m sure he knows he has a problem, but is maybe too prideful or even stubborn to admit it. sometimes people do not react well to being told they have a problem and need to get help, and end up stubbornly giving push back the other way. i\u2019m not saying that is what\u2019s happening, but i see this a lot. some have had better success just making little comments here and there such as \u201cif you ever get sick of this, there\u2019s help.\u201d things like that. people resist change when they told they need to change, but can embrace it when they feel they have some kind of autonomy and are making the choice themselves. that\u2019s why little subtle comments/hints that make him look at himself more closely actually work better. he may not admit it to you, but he will likely think about it in his own head. that being said, there are no guarantees. sometimes people never admit their problem and never seek help or try to stop. hopefully the pain and discomfort of staying the same becomes worse than the pain and discomfort of change for him and he gets the help he needs. meanwhile, be sure to take care of yourself. wishing you the best moving forward.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "by6bxx", "comment_id": "by6bxx"}, {"question": "accidental seroquel overdose", "description": "i take 300mg of seroquel at night and 150mg of welbutrin in the morning. today, i accidentally took my seroquel instead of the welbutrin...   does anyone know what i should do? what's in store for me? can i just sleep it off.  16, 5'8ft, 250lbs, female, don't smoke", "answer": "an additional 300 mg of seroquel in the morning isn\u2019t very dangerous. that\u2019s a potentially prescribed dose. the most likely effect is being very sleepy during the day until it wears off.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f9aogd", "comment_id": "f9aogd"}, {"question": "my friend (21 y.o male) got recommended a quetiapine treatment which sounds out of place. should i be worried?", "description": "the recommended dosage according to the doctor is 2 25mg tablets before sleep. however, upon doing some further research, we found out that using quetiapine as a treatment for insomnia is not only ineffective, but also not recommended due to possible side effects (source: coe hv, hong is (may 2012), pmid [22510671](WEBLINK) ). should i be worried, or am i an idiot and he should begin the treatment as indicated? ", "answer": "you'll need to provide more information for us to work this out. there may be other factors that suggest quetiapine would be beneficial.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "51ee7f", "comment_id": "51ee7f"}, {"question": "what am i to do if i am a pedophile?", "description": "please check my post history for more info. no this is not some sick joke.  i'm only 16 but i need a therapist. what am i supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? if i open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? i have never looked at or done anything illegal and i never will, but i don't think that stops me from being reported. please help", "answer": "where do you live?  in the us, you would only be reported if you are actively abusing a child or share concrete plans to abuse a child . you have the right to ask for all the information about reporting before you share anything .   simply having thoughts is not illegal or reportable.  many people who struggle with these thoughts were abused as children , and do you definitely deserve support if this is you.  because of your age , you may not be able to get specific support from a sex treatment program,  but you can get help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fgujm1"}, {"question": "do you text your so when you are having fun without them?", "description": "my gf (19) doesnt text me (20/m) when shes out with other people at a bar or something. she always says what do you expect me to do im out with other people. she just ignores all my texts. is this normal, should i feel sad about it? when im out with other people and shes at home i always text her during and throughout the night. we're going to be in a long distance relationship for one semester soon so i'm kind of worried if its always going to be like this then we're always going to be going out without each other obviously on friday nights.  tldr; girlfriend doesnt text me when shes out having fun and im at home, thinks she shouldnt have to.", "answer": "nope.  on the rare occasion i'm out without my wife, the last thing i'm going to be doing is trying to keep her occupied.  we're both adults that are able to have a good time without the presence of the other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "27g10c", "comment_id": "27g10c"}, {"question": "some thoughts on day 1\u2019s...", "description": "while many day 1 stories have some common theme of wanting to stop because of financial stress (e.g. i drained the bank account again last night), physical stress (e.g i fell down two flights of stairs and into a busy street), or emotional (i completely lost it and embarrassed the shit out of my wife/husband in front of our absolute best friends) \u2014 or all of the above.  but the day 1 stories that pull on some thread of being \u201csimply too emotionally tired to carry on like this\u201d really resonate with me.  fact is, the money will flow back into the bank account over time... the bruises on our elbows and knees will heal... and our loved ones and friends always accept the latest apology even if we frankly don\u2019t deserve another chance.  but being too emotionally tired to continue the full time job that is being an alcoholic was the point that i found myself in one monday morning 27 days ago and the very thought of returning to another day 1 is what kept me from accepting a double ipa, a glass of rose\u2019 or a glass of my absolute fucking favorite red wine last night with my wife and some brand new friends we hung out with for the first time.  i\u2019m having trouble ending this post :-), but i\u2019ll end by wishing you all the strength to not return back to the dreaded day 1 whether this morning you\u2019re realizing for the first time your simply too tired to carry on this way or if your 1,000 days sober.  have a good day everyone.", "answer": "yep. i just got tired of feeling like i couldn\u2019t win. every single time i said \u201ci\u2019m only having two tonight\u201d and ended up having six, alcohol won. or woke up saying \u201ci\u2019m not going to drink today\u201d but by 11:30 i was having mimosas with brunch - alcohol won.   i just lost, over and over. so discouraging and demoralizing. i got tired of feeling discouraged and demoralized. i got tired of losing. so i just left the field of battle.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dkj5od", "comment_id": "dkj5od"}, {"question": "me [21f] and my boyfriend [21m]... sex hurts and need advice", "description": "hey guys, sorry if this is the wrong place but i'm a long time lurker and first time posting. (on throwaway because my bf has reddit too) i'm on mobile so forgive me if anything is wrong.   now, this isn't the type of dilemma that's so bad.. our sex life is great (been together two years, he actually took my virginity...) but i have a problem. i think he's average sized, but i always have discomfort after sex.   it i guess seems like there is some tearing, but i don't know what else to do to prevent it. we use foreplay every time, i'm always comfortable/turned on, and we have used lube for the past few months too as a way to try to ease more into sex (though not really necessary). also, we generally have sex at least 4x a week, so i feel as if i should have adjusted to his size by now.   i just always experience a discomfort afterwards. stings a little to urinate after. it only lasts for about an hour at most. but it's becoming tiring. it isn't effecting our sex life at all, as i love him and love sex with him, so it's almost irrelevant. but right after it just gets annoying, and it's after every time.   does anyone have anything else to advise for me please? before anyone asks, as well, we are both 100% clean of std's and are 100% faithful. though this is a minor inconvenience, i would like to resolve this issue.  thank you for any help, fellow redditors!  ", "answer": "talk to your gyn, not teenagers on reddit", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l5k4j", "comment_id": "6l5k4j"}, {"question": "what the hell just happened? i was numb for a good 2 hours, trigger warning.", "description": "i have a history with depression and anxity. ive had a particularly hard day, i recently went through a traumatic event and today some one hurt me emotionaly, in a way someone should never get hurt. anyway after i got emotionally hurt its like everything went grey?? like very light and soft, almost dream like. its like i wasnt there. i was like that for a good two hours till i snapped out of it. i even ended up cutting my self cause i felt so numb, and regretably there wil be 3 relitivally small  scars.  anyway, i felt the cuts a little bit, but i put rubbing alchohol and makeup remover and i just felt a slight tingle. it was so strange i couldnt feel any emotion. sorry for my spelling, ive become a person who cant spell without autocorrect.", "answer": "it sounds like you were dissociating, which is a common symptom of trauma.   are you open to getting into therapy? a therapist could help you to manage this. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "57e9c1", "comment_id": "57e9c1"}, {"question": "i know i need a therapist but i have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can\u2019t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone", "description": "title is really a tldr. i am aware that i do need to speak to someone that isn\u2019t a friend or family member but it\u2019s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. especially since i don\u2019t trust them.  when i was younger i had to go and see a therapist and i\u2019ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. my parents didn\u2019t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. i genuinely believed it would help me and my family but i hated it so much. it was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. the therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn\u2019t let me focus on happy memories. he had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. the second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. and i never knew how to talk to my parents about it. it was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.  i convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn\u2019t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if i \u201cstopped listening to all that\u201d (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.  earlier this year i gave it one last shot and holy shit i\u2019ve never been so patronised in my life. spoke to me like i was going to break easier than a soaking a4 page. i ceased sessions before they kicked off.  now i\u2019m at the point in my life where i really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but i can\u2019t to my parents because they\u2019ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won\u2019t be any different, and i don\u2019t want to mention it to my friends because i feel like they\u2019re gonna just disregard me.  i\u2019m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken.   i really don\u2019t know how long i can continue pretending that i don\u2019t cry everyday and that i just want some loving contact and some stability in my life.   i honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. this life is gonna be one hard slog.", "answer": "please get help. it takes time to find the right fit for a therapist but when you find them it will work. therapy produces amazing change but just like people you aren\u2019t gonna mesh with everyone. there are good people out there who want to help and you deserve a life free from suffering. don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d5m29", "comment_id": "7d5m29"}, {"question": "is this psychosis? how to deal with it?", "description": "​  ​  * age: 66 * sex: male * height: 5'10 * weight: 320lbs? * race: caucasian * duration of complaint: on and off for a month, but recently has been going on for days.  ​  my father for the past couple of days has been arguing with people he thinks are me and my family members, even though no one would be in the room or even in the house (90% of the time it is arguing and 10% it's just talking). he will start acting extremely violent by throwing things and hitting people in the house. when we ask him for clarification on what he needs he will get angry as if he already explained it. he will ask for help and when i ask him what he needs help with he will say \"i need help with the thing\" and point and wave at the air. when he's in these episodes he won't look me in the eyes and i don't even think he acknowledges my physical presence? he would yell for me at 3 am and say \"take your gloves off\" and when i tell him that i'm not wearing gloves (because i'm sleeping, why would i wear gloves) he gets unbelievably angry and i leave. he will ask for water and i will give him water, he will drink it, then insist that he never drank water. i could hear him yelling in the other room at midnight yelling at who he thinks is me about picking up garbage off the floor, even though there would be no way he could see the floor since it was dark.  ​  i think this has something to do with the steroid (prednisone) he is talking to deal with his cancer. i honestly don't know much on his medical history since i'm 18 and none of my family members want me to know the specifics. he has recently changed his medicine and i think he is slowly getting off the prednisone. ever since he started doing this he has displayed the symptoms i just talked about. he is also a diabetic. when he started taking the steroid he became very easily aggravated and would get physical with me and my mother (i am pretty sure getting angry is a normal symptom of steroids). so now he is extremely angry and delusional.  ​  it's currently 12:26 am when i'm submitting this and he has been yelling for hours, no one can sleep. i have no idea if i should talk to him or ignore him. his occupational therapist is coming tomorrow (today i guess), and i will tell her what is going on as my mother cannot speak english. essentially, what i am asking is how should i deal with someone like this on a daily basis? and if what is happening is psychosis or something like it? thanks!  ​  edit: decided to take him to the er. the situation should be fine now.", "answer": "does he have a psychiatrical history? alcoholism? family history? medication? working with dangerous substances?  could be psychosis, dementia, delirium, intoxication, poisoning  edit: read about the prednisone. most likely corticosteroid induced mania/pscyhosis. edit2: how to deal? treat him like you would a sick person who is behaving weird. forgive them, help them, ask for help, talk with loved ones about it. explain they are not helping you by keeping you in the dark.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bgqg7n", "comment_id": "bgqg7n"}, {"question": "lack of identity", "description": "i never even realized i had this problem, i guess i'm too narcissistic to of realized. my psychiatrist said today that i need a purpose and an identity and he placed an emphasis on working and i have taken the advice of this subreddit and decided on something simple just to get me out of the house but my problem is i don't have to work and i get bored of the same thing.  my physical apearance needs working on which i have made a goal of doing. i just don't understand the concept of gaining an identity, it feels undoable. i don't know what to do, do i just dress myself up a certain way and get a job? is it really that simple.... i feel so neurologically impaired because i have seen other cluster b people and there is a layer of depth to their emotions and personality just missing and i don't know how to develop that in myself, it's like it will never be there. i'm lazy, self centered a lot of the time which i have been in denial about. i've learnt i can't develop a healthy amount of cognitive empathy it's just not something i can train myself to do.   i don't know what to do and i have never known what to do to try improve.", "answer": "i think part of having bpd is not knowing who you are...but that doesn't mean you aren't somebody. do you journal? try journaling your thoughts, your day to day, your interactions with others. this will help keep a record of well, you! and will help set you on the right path to finding your identity ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "31qg8w", "comment_id": "31qg8w"}, {"question": "i decided not to kill myself, now what?", "description": "i am destitute. anxiety too bad to work, eviction pending, 3 kids depending on me who are teens now. meds dont work, but it doesnt matter, i dont have time to adjust to new meds, start working and keep us afloat before losing everything. parents are dead, no support system. is it better to have a mother failing them everyday or not have one at all?", "answer": "what are your options for earning money?  what are your options for additional help and support for your children? what are you willing to do to get support for your mental health?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6bg767", "comment_id": "6bg767"}, {"question": "ecg , st elevation , 19 years old male", "description": "hello, i went to a & e a few weeks ago after experiencing pretty bad chest pain, even though i have pretty bad gerd problems, this chest pain was concerning me a lot. it felt a bit different to the 'usual' chest pain i experience everyday, and it was even more concerning how bad it was even though i had took my medication. apart from gerd isses i am an otherwise healthy 19 year old male, 70kg , 6 foot tall.   i took a picture of the ecg given to the hospital from the ambulance, and even though i was told by the cardiologist it was fine, i'm awaiting an echocardiogram \"just incase\". however the st elevation concerns me still tbh, so i'm just wondering you folks take on this.   the medications i take are   tramadol (occasionally for pain in the groin, which is getting operated on soon)   lansoprazole ( for gerd)   i'm sorry the picture(s) aren't the best. thanks in advance for your help.  WEBLINK  the text in the 2nd picture reads   sinus rhythm................. normal p axis, v-rate 50-99 st elev probable normal early repol pattern........... st elevation age <55 hr 73   pr 164   qrsd 104   qt 372   qtc 410   p 70   qrs 46   t 58", "answer": "i trust the cardiologist on this one - the st elevation is probably nothing in isolation, but it would seem prudent to get an echo just in case. odds are in your favour, i think. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "75ua1i", "comment_id": "75ua1i"}, {"question": "when someone is broken, don't try & fix them. when someone is hurting, don't attempt to take away the pain. instead, love them by walking beside them in the hurt. because sometimes what people need is simply to know they aren't alone.", "description": "that's what i love about this group. i'm not alone. addiction is a bitch. and a lot of my support i would usually turn to don't have or understand addiction. this group gives support and encouragement to keep fighting the good fight.  iwndwyt", "answer": "that is so well said. thank you!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cr5veg", "comment_id": "cr5veg"}, {"question": "scrupulosity?", "description": "i spent the whole weekend talking online about politics. i think i might have some kind of scrupulosity, only it's not religious in nature, it's more an ocd related to politics. is that possible? ", "answer": "scrupulosity is a manifestation of ocd that is focused on moral and/ or religious themes. as with all ocd, there is a fear with a corresponding behavior, thought, action, ritual, etc., that reduces the fear or feeling of anxiety.   with that said, what are you afraid of when it comes to politics? do you feel that you are morally incorrect in your political beliefs? do you fear that you have said something that could have hurt someone's feelings? you'll need to provide more details.   is it possible its ocd focused on politics, yes! is it possible it falls in line with scrupulosity, maybe. more details please. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "5v6byq", "comment_id": "5v6byq"}, {"question": "i'm losing weight (bad) and am having trouble finding time to eat.", "description": "i'm a college student and i'm up to my neck in work. i don't mind it, it's fun actually. what's not fun is how much weight i've been losing. i've probably dropped 10 pounds or so in the past month (i take adderall which makes me forget to eat). i'm already underweight and this isn't good. i just never seem to have enough time to cook anything and i'm worried that i'll continue to lose weight. i've begun to eat double of what i used to at breakfast, but i don't know if that's enough. help?", "answer": "it might be helpful to talk with your prescriber, he/she may have some suggestions on how to handle the decreased appetite side effect. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "2mf2av", "comment_id": "2mf2av"}, {"question": "sleeping through obnoxious alarm", "description": "age: 22  sex: m  height: ~6'0\"  weight: ~167lbs  race: caucasian   duration of complaint: twice in 2 months  location: minnesota  any existing relevant medical issues: not that i know of  current medications: caffeine dependency (headaches by late morning without). approx. 5-7 drinks per week alcohol intake. occasional multivitamin.  include a photo if relevant: none  i use the sleep as android app to track my sleep and set my alarms. i have it set so that it goes off first between 04:15 and 04:45 depending on my sleep pattern, then can be snoozed for 3 minutes at a time up to a total of 15 minutes.  if i don't wake up 10 minutes after that last time, an even louder and more obnoxious alarm goes off for 1 minute intervals, 5 times. after that it dismisses on its own.  in order to dismiss myself, i have to take my phone and walk to the kitchen to scan a qr code. i sleep with my phone on the bed next to my head.  twice in 2 months i've slept through all the alarms going off next to my head. the first time i went to bed at ~01:30 and the second time i went to bed at ~21:15. the second time was last night, and the sleep tracking indicates that i woke up to a degree, but i don't remember it going off at all. i woke up at 07:30, late for work.  both of these have caused me to be late to work at a job i started 2 months ago, and i'm concerned about my standing. the first one i can understand sleeping through, but the second doesn't make sense to me.  is this just something that's caused by me not getting enough sleep? or should i try to get it investigated somehow?", "answer": "do you feel awake and clear when you do finally wake up? do you have sleepyness during the day? do you snore? ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b6zmxi", "comment_id": "b6zmxi"}, {"question": "do you have adrenal pcos? high dhea, dhea? what did you do?", "description": "have you tried adaptogens? anti-inflammatories? did you go the insulin route? what worked? what didn't work? did anything make it worse?", "answer": "i wouldn't do hiit for adrenal pcos. hiit would increase your cortisol excessively. i'd recommend yoga and walking, maybe hiking for adrenal pcos. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "6wvluk", "comment_id": "6wvluk"}, {"question": "can cocaine abuse cause permanent impotence?", "description": "hi docs,  the last time i've used cocaine was two weeks ago. since then i've been able to abstain from it completely. i did abuse cocaine daily for 3 years. i also used to drink, i quit drinking along with cocaine use.  i recently started dating again and have had difficulties maintaining an erection. i've taken 5mg cialis before and it seems to work well, but i don't prefer to take any drugs to assist keeping hard. i also have this persistent discomfort on the left lower torso, right below my rib cage and numbness in my left big toe. is this indicative of another health condition  thanks", "answer": "2 weeks of abstinence isnt that long. [erectile dysfunction](WEBLINK) can be due to a number of causes, including drug misuse. usually not permanent, but if it's persisting id see a doc about it to exclude other pathology.  edit: the other symptoms seem unrelated. is the big toe numbness permanent?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5jsjaw", "comment_id": "5jsjaw"}, {"question": "colloidal silver nasal spray, eye drops, ear drops - is it safe?", "description": "25, male, 5\u201911\u201d, 145lbs.  is using topical colloidal silver for infections safe? is the worst case scenario that it doesn't do anything? do the silver particles build up in the tissue when used topically? ", "answer": "colloidal silver is safe, but it's not effective. it can conceivably build up in wounds and cause graying/bluing of the area if used over time. it might do the same to eyes, but again, i don't know.  mostly using topical silver preparations is a waste of your time and money. it won't help anything, so all it can do is cause problems. if there's something that needs to be treated, get a real antibiotic. if there isn't, don't mess with your eyes, nose, or ears.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9m5a0u", "comment_id": "9m5a0u"}, {"question": "\"ruined\" due to ptsd", "description": "a couple of years ago i was at a work function and during lunch one of my colleagues told a brief anecdote about a friend of hers who had been in the military and developed combat ptsd.  although it's a serious topic, she was speaking about it rather light-heartedly - about how she jumps at noises, is afraid of the dark, fearful of strangers, etc.   what really bothered me at the time, and what i can't seem to get out of my head right now, is how she said, laughing, \"they *ruined* her.\"  my colleague is in her early 30s, and generally an intelligent, kind and thoughtful person. her saying this cut me so deeply. i have ptsd stemming from a fairly violent stranger sexual assault, so while our conditions don't have the same origin, i could really relate to what she was saying about her friend.  i struggle a lot with feeling 'ruined' since this happened to me. i have no idea why this has come into my mind again after a couple of years, but i can't seem to shake it. i feel so worthless and deeply disgusting, and like i will never be better.  with the holidays coming up, i know i will see my friends with their husbands and kids, and be asked if i'm dating etc... i feel like such a fucking loser. i keep trying to imagine myself getting close to a man again, and i just can't. at all. it's even difficult being around the male members of my family, even thought they would never hurt me.  currently i'm actually off work to focus on intensive exposure therapy, and this reminder... her laughter as she spoke of her friend's triggers and how she is 'ruined'... i just can't see what the point of anything is right now. i'm ruined. i will never scrub this stain away. i *am* the stain.", "answer": "i have felt this so so so much. we have some very similar stories. good on you for going through intensive exposure therapy; it helped me a lot in processing my own rape. if the intensive exposure therapy feels like too much, look into trying emdr therapy.  also....someone said something really insignificant last weekend but it has been really profound for me. i don't know if i'll explain it well, but they just said something about how life is ruined, life is always ruined. every life will have huge losses and pain, every life we could possibly live will have huge deviations from our ideal imagined life. this pain and \"ruin\" looks different for everyone of course and it's easy to feel more ruined than others. but i think for me it's helped a bit to accept that yeah, my life is ruined, and that's ok because it always would have been ruined one way or another. i'm ruined, but so is everyone else.   i know it seems like everyone else is having so much more success in life, having \"normal\" relationships, kids, jobs, whatever, but one thing i've learned being in group therapy is that we really are so unaware of the burdens and the ruinations that other people are bearing. i know you feel like you are more ruined than most anyone else, but you aren't. sending good thoughts your way...   ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5fff7u", "comment_id": "5fff7u"}, {"question": "i want help to understand common emergencies", "description": "  okey, so remove my post if not allowed. but i'd like to ask a few questions about common emergencies you can see while out and about.   (okey, so it wont let me post without background on me, so ill say who i am, and why i want to know this) also, weird format and spelling. i'm on my phone on my way to work.   female, 20, 164 cm 88 kg, sweden/chile, live in the uk, white, smoke free coming up on a year, occasionally go out drinking with work mates, walk 20-30k steps a day for work. i take anti depressants, anxiety meds, sleep meds, i stopped taking adhd meds since it sent me into a full psychosis, when i normally have mild hallucinations. i came out the loonie bin about 1,5 yeas ago after being admitted for 2 weeks after i cut my arm open, took pills and alcohol. i am now for the first time in my life happy, but still suffer a bit since i basically have the whole alphabet of diagnosis:   borderline personality disorder bulimia  (overcome) ptsd (never treated, rape and abuse) ocd (never treated, and my most prominent problem causing horrible anxiety) adhd (not medicated) hallucinations (mostly auditory) depression (overcome) aspergers (never had help from professional, getting extra help at work) holy heck i can never remember all the diagnosis, sorry if i left something out.   okey, so as you can see, ive had my fair share of suffering in my life, some of the things i ask about is gonna be about helping people like me (like rape and abuse victims, self harm, mental breakdown, such as psychosis, suicidal etc)   few emergencies ive had, or wittnessed (you can scroll down to the bullet points if you're not interested in why i care about knowing):   this one is gonna be short. i had a panic attack at my last work place, i could not breathe, my feet were numb so i could not stand, and my face was numb to the point that my coworkers could not understand what i was saying. i left work in an ambulance.   second incident was from when i was a child. me, my mum and my sister were in central stockholm, because it was one of our birthdays and it was tradition to go to cinema and eat at pizzahut. we wee waiting for the movie to start, so we went to this place called \u00e5hlens (yes, the very same \u00e5hlens that about 10 years later would have swedens first terror attack in god knows how long. i belive that attack took place in 2017). so we were just hecking around, like children do. and we came across this lady, laying on the floor, all red in the face. we were in the perfume section. my mum asked what happened, and she managed to get out that she was having a severe migrane. someone else had noticed before us, so ambulance staff was walking in as we found her. mum saw the ambulance staff, took the ladys hand and said help was here, and that she would feel better in a second. then she turned to me and my sister and explain what had happened, and what a migrane was.   so a few months back the woman infront of me in que at boots had a seizure. i was seemingly the only one who was sound enough to take action (i understand that some people might be in shock and don't know what to do). so i immediately call an ambulance, since i remember hearing as a kid that people having a seizure could bite their tongue very badly and bleed a lot. a few minutes later the medical staff of the train station we were at walked in, and helped. but the security guard did nothing. the staff at boots did nothing. i was just very frustrated that i didn't know what to do. when i left a few minutes later the security guard thanked me for taking action.   my best mate have very bad astma, and i have no idea how to help him.   i do door to door sales, and yesterday i knocked on a door and this lady was looking very scared, bruises all over her, and a black eye. similar situation at my last work place, where this bruised woman was sitting at a table with a very angry looking man.   saturday i was working, and this guy mentioned he had a migrane, and i didn't know if i could help in any way.   so my question is:  how can you help people with the following emergencies? and what are common symptoms before?   -seizures -voilent outburst because of mental illness -astma  (probably spelled that wrong) -diabetes -suicidal -way too drunk -on drugs -self harm with cuts, burns, alcohol and pills etc -seemingly broken bones -dimentia & alzheimer related issues, like confusion. where do i call to help them get where they need, if for example broken out of care home -recent rape victim -abuse victim -migrates -other common emergencies or problems you can think about that would be helpful to know how to handle, or at least who to call for help.", "answer": "this is a very long list. consider doing a first aid course if you really want to make a difference.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b8ha72", "comment_id": "b8ha72"}, {"question": "how will my klonopin tolerance effect pre-biopsy benzos like midazolam?", "description": "i've been taking 3mg of klonopin everyday for the last 5 ish years. before that, i was on 6mg of xanax a day for a year. it's gotten to the point where my body needs the klonopin just to function. i don't notice the effects when i take it. only the withdraws when i don't. i've built up such a tolerance to klonopin that it does nothing for me. i'm talking to my psychiatrist about getting off of it, but let's pretend that i'll be on it for another year (because i might).  ​  to make a long story short, a doctor suggested that i get a liver biopsy done. to my understanding, that involves them sticking me with a long needley thing and removing a small piece of my liver (feel free to correct me, but that's not the purpose of this long winded question). i read that they'll give you a strong benzodiazepine, such as midazolam, to calm you down before this medieval procedure. i'm very worried about my tolerance to benzodiazepines and how they'll reduce the effectiveness of the benzodiazepine they'll give me before the procedure.   ​  how will my tolerance to benzodiazepines effect stronger benzodiazepines that they give you before painful/scary procedures such as a liver biopsy. like i said above, feel free to correct me if that's not what happens during a liver biopsy, but that's not the question. thank you so much in advance as this has been eating at me.", "answer": "that's a question to discuss with with either the doctor doing the procedure or the anesthesiologist, if there is one involved. it's possible to overcome tolerance, but the medical team needs to know about it.  and a nitpicky correction: midazolam isn't a stronger benzo, really; for any benzo, it's the dose that makes the strength. what makes it useful for surgery is that it's very quick-acting and available iv.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9od36j", "comment_id": "9od36j"}, {"question": "what is the general opinion around your iq being revealed when getting a diagnosis?", "description": "i'm not exactly sure what i feel about it. i guess i did okey, but i never wanted to grade myself in such a way. when i took the tests, the psyciatrist were pushing me to do good and talked about how well it went, but then i got smashed on the two lasts tests.  shouldn't revealing your iq be optional? not everyone wants to see their scores. tbh, it kinda sucks not being as smart as you thought lmao", "answer": "it\u2019s not usually reveled to minors when part of an iep. i had mine done as a kid because i did exceedingly well in topics i enjoyed and below average in topics i didn\u2019t. so they wanted to assess me for a learning disability. turns out i just had a hard time paying attention and focusing on certain topics. \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "eo778z", "comment_id": "eo778z"}, {"question": "does anyone here has trouble with concentration while reading?", "description": "it seems like i just can't stay focused properly. sometimes, i have this thing that i need to read the same line 5 times, not necessarily because i wasn't paying inuff attention, but because it's a kind of compulsion. they say it's all a matter of practice. but i've already tried a lot and nothing seem to improve my situation. it still feels painfull to read.  does autism can affect reading in that sense?", "answer": "yes, because i also have adhd. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "9eifd8", "comment_id": "9eifd8"}, {"question": "i'm afraid my dad is depressed. how can i help him?", "description": "i live in the us, specifically the east coast.  i'm sorry if this isnt the best place to post this, but i don't know any other subs like this  my (18) dad (38) just had a very bad breakup with his girlfriend. she left with most if not all of his savings and his cat. i don't live with him, but he asked me to, which i'm uncomfortable with, as i'm very close to finishing hs. i don't know how to approach asking him to consider therapy, but i'm very afraid he will possibly hurt himself. he's really afraid of being alone, he texted me saying he \"thinks crazy thoughts\".  i've already offered to let my cat live over there, since he doesn't get as much attention as he needs to here anyways. i don't know how to broach the idea for therapy, and i don't think he'd agree with it either.   how can i help him through this?", "answer": "hello! therapist here.  approaching the topic of getting professional help can be hard for families who are hesitant to bring up the topic. especially for a high school-aged son to bring it up with his father. good on you for wanting to support him with getting help.  i always encourage family members to be frank, but supportive in their concern for their member. empathizing with their struggles and highlighting the benefits of speaking to someone with the intent to help them sort out what is going on can go a long way.  here's an example: \"hey dad, i know that you've been through a lot lately and you are feeling pretty down and lonely. some of the things you have told me make me think that it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about what is going on. those \"crazy thoughts\" must be pretty terrible to experience and as much as i want to help you with them i just don't know how. but i want to help you feel better and move forward after everything that happened. can we maybe talk about reaching out to a professional for help?\"  if he's okay with it (and you are close enough to physically go) i would go check on him. see how he looks in person, check out how he's keeping his living space, and see how he speaks and interacts with you. that can be pretty telling how someone has been doing functionally. you can also offer to maybe look at some potential counselors he can talk to. that can go a long way.  also, if you get the feeling that he is in imminent danger, that he might hurt himself, then i would call 9-1-1 and ask for a cit officer to check on him. cit officers get some training on mental health issues and can help gather information to see what they can do next. also, if you can find any local mobile crisis units (mcu's) that could be helpful to know about too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f2z88s", "comment_id": "f2z88s"}, {"question": "after 8 years of daily use, a diagnosis of cannabis use disorder, i guess i'm ready to change.", "description": "hi, i'm glo, and i'm addicted to thc.  i started smoking weed as a teen with friends, sometimes skipping school to get high, but not often.  then i got to college.  i started smoking more often, at least once or twice a week, still just with friends though.  then came moving into my first apartment (shared with roommates) and all the freedom of living away from parents and off of school property.  i got myself my very own bong that year... and that's when everything started to change.  i began smoking daily, after work at first, then eventually in the morning before breakfast but hours before my nighttime work shifts.  when i was 22 i met my ex, d\\*, and fell in love hard and fast.  he smelled of cannabis and coffee (we worked at starbucks together) and i loved it.  he was a weed dealer (back in the days before dispensaries were standard in toronto) and smoked daily as well.  i was always high when we were together.  i started smoking at all times of day regardless of when i worked, and being high became my normal.  two years later, d\\* broke my heart, and i didn't want to feel anything.  i started smoking much higher thc levels and more often, i relied heavily on cannabis to numb my negative emotions. these emotions of mine are very intense, as i have borderline personality depression and adhd.  being high made me less reactionary, less anxious, more... comfortable.  it's been 3 years since that breakup and despite multiple attempts at \"cutting back\" \"lowering my usage\" or \"quitting\".. i haven't been successful.  i am dependent. i spend all my time thinking about the next chance i'll have to smoke, i don't socialize unless i can be high, i don't allow myself to run out of weed even if it means going without groceries. i am terrified of the idea that i should quit for good and forever, but i know i can't go on like this.  i'm lonely. i'm lethargic. my memory is hard to access. i've no motivation to do anything other than smoking weed. i'm late for work often (a job i love!) because i just can't motivate myself to be on time for anything ever.  i've gained a lot of weight and never have enough energy to exercise.  i'm numb and haven't cried in over a year despite experiencing sad and even traumatic events in that time.  i recently had a psychiatric consult because i thought these struggles were linked to my medications (anti-depressant, mood stabiliser) and wanted to try a different medication for the first time since going on antidepressants. the psychiatric team i consulted with diagnosed me with cannabis use disorder, and explained that due to the amount i've been smoking, every day, for years now, while my brain still developed and while i also struggle with bpd - that it has caused long term effects on my cognitive functions and mood.  they told me that it would be pointless to change my medication without me actually making a change in my cannabis consumption and addressing this addiction.  ​  so here i am. going to an addictions clinic next wednesday, looking for support here, and tomorrow night, i am going to go to my first marijuana anonymous meeting (very lucky that i live in toronto and there are options every weekday here)  but i'm scared. i don't know what's coming. i don't know how to accept this new reality.  i don't know what to do to occupy my time as nothing seems to make me as happy as smoking weed does. nothing calms my mind the way smoking does.  so there's my story, i'm taking the first steps towards quitting, and i'm terrified.", "answer": "i\u2019m so proud of you for taking this step! you\u2019ve got this and we\u2019re here for you \ud83d\udc99", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "faiktn", "comment_id": "faiktn"}, {"question": "how to talk to a cute guy in my class?", "description": "there's this guy in my college class that i've noticed that keeps glancing at me from time to time. he is cute but i don't want to interpret it wrong and maybe he was looking at something else. i have two classes with him and i noticed he turns his body in my direction but sometimes he's not directly looking at me, but sometimes he is. i want to talk to him but i have no idea what to say. i'm also socially awkward and have no experience with guys at all.", "answer": "simple.  say hi.  ask a question that requires more than a yes or no answer.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "f2a27m", "comment_id": "f2a27m"}, {"question": "4 years out", "description": "i made a post here a long time ago about my foray into the world of being clean, and i have continued the trend now for approaching 4 years here very soon. i miss it sometimes. i liked the freedom of setting my mind at ease with the click of a lighter. being sober for so long has definitely allowed me to learn alot and allowed me to progress into being an adult and having much much more responsibility. it wasn't an easy thing to do at first but in my experience the longer you go without the easier it gets. it's more of just a thought now rather than an overwhelming desire. i think i might smoke again one day after i retire but for now i have bigger and better things on my mind. hope you are all doing well, best of luck to anyone who is trying to quit. if you want any advice or anything like that, feel free to direct message me and i will happily share any experience i can.", "answer": "this is so encouraging to read. thank you", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "fhciot", "comment_id": "fhciot"}, {"question": "i'm (25/m) engaged (23/f) and recently ive been having doubts...", "description": "i've (25/m) been with my fiance (23/f) for 5 years now and i'm currently engaged (3 months ago) with the woman who i believe to be the woman i wanna spend the rest of my life with for this story lets call her jackie...however about a week ago my ex (23/f) started talking to me about a week ago. she told me how she missed me and still loves me. now a little backstory to my ex lets call her donna for the remainder of the story. donna was my best friend we would do everything but live together. we were best friends and my friends loved her too. now jackie she loves me and i love her, however i feel like im losing interest and jackie doesn't like whenever i talk about my friends and our conversations almost seem forced. however on the flip side donna would listen to me and enjoy our conversations and i would too i even feel alittle excited when i recieve a text from donna..i hate that i feel like this because i've already promised myself to jackie....and i think i might be in love with donna.   tl;dr i might have made a huge mistake...", "answer": "see a therapist. this isn't a one comment reddit kind of thing. you need to process a lot of stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5upvya", "comment_id": "5upvya"}, {"question": "how do i convince people that driving while intoxicated is bad? yes, i'm serious.", "description": "first off, yes\u2014i understand that the answer to this question is as obvious as the color of the sky.   second off, yes\u2014i understand that if someone cannot accept the color of the sky, they are likely complete idiots.  and yet, the people around me treat dwi like it's both fine and normal. i'm in the army, and alcoholism is so rampant here that almost everyone i know does (or has) driven while intoxicated. that's not even an exaggeration\u2014it's *almost everyone*.  and i'm not just talking about the younger guys\u2014fully grown adults (including high-ranking officials) completely normalize it. it's so common, even *i* am becoming desensitized to hearing about it.  *and it's an extremely serious crime.*  drunk driving kills people all the time. *kills* people. and yet, the people around me don't care. if i call someone out, i just \"worry too much\", or i'm a \"pussy\", or i'm a \"straight-edge\". it's like i'm living in one of those psas that pediatricians hand out to teenagers after their routine check-up.  *ffs*  how on earth do i get through to these guys? and how on earth do i get through to guys that are both significantly older than me and higher-ranking than me?", "answer": "honestly? you might not be able to change minds. all you can really do is protect yourself, and stand your ground. don't give in. and limit your interactions with them as much as possible. you've let them know that its not ok, so you have to back that up with your actions.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "d89alm", "comment_id": "d89alm"}, {"question": "looking for a term to explain this behaviour.", "description": "i have a friend who sometimes acts a certain way, and i'm trying to think of a term to describe it.  he acts like a victim in situations where one normally wouldn't necessarily feel that way.  he'll jump to conclusions about things without any kind of inquiry. example: he played a video game and got leveled up very quickly by some friends. he asked another friend if he wanted to join and was told \"no thanks, that's not my style.\" he interpreted that to mean \"you're a cheater and i think you shouldn't play like that.\" he got really upset and ranted on about it for a while.   he's very much into a lot of conspiracy theories (fluoride in the water, chem trails, etc.). he takes many things very personally, even if someone just disagrees with his opinion, he'll completely shut down for a while.   sometimes he's not like this; it seems to come and go.  i should also note that this has only been happening in the last four or five years. before that, he wasn't like this.   any ideas? thanks!", "answer": "possibly borderline/emotionally unstable personality traits, but don't really want to give bedside diagnoses without knowing him better.  [personality disorder](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4y9amf", "comment_id": "4y9amf"}, {"question": "therapy back up on demand", "description": " is there such a service as emergency therapists one may call ? my therapist will not take calls, messages, texts between sessions. i really need a back up or on demand (have felt i really needed three times in 5 months) so not excessive (in my opinion). if one is willing to pay for it is there such a service?", "answer": "there are suicide hotlines if your need is to that level.  for legal/ethical reasons there generally aren't on-call therapists to provide counseling over the phone.  dbt programs will generally offer skills training for things like this while you're working on your issues in the program.     if it's 3 times in 5 months, i'd talk to your therapist about this.  if i were working with a client who expressed something like this, i'd be working with them to develop a plan of who they can go to for support who is in their life organically (family member, partner, friend, etc.).  using a friend or family member in a moment when you need support that's only a few times every half of a year isn't likely going to burn out the friendship.  if you don't have anyone you can identify as a support person that you'd  trust, i would argue that that should be a primary focus in therapy with the goal of forming some relationships like this.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fcec8e", "comment_id": "fcec8e"}, {"question": "i [27/m] feel like my fiance [29/m] is manipulating me", "description": "hello everyone,  i want to try to keep this brief. in general, i\u2019m feeling controlled and manipulated by my fianc\u00e9. it also feels like he has a completely different standard for me than he does for himself. we have been together for three years, got engaged in 2015, and will be getting married in september 2017. we are going to be moving into our own house in two months once it\u2019s built.  i\u2019ll keep everything as brief as possible and can provide more detail upon request.  if he\u2019s sick we can leave an event early but if i\u2019m sick i have to \u201cput up with it\u201d until he\u2019s comfortable with leaving.  our conversations have been extremely shallow and he has no interest in them if they aren\u2019t about him.  we both work full time and have other responsibilities but he often says that i don\u2019t appreciate the work he does for us.  he corrects me even when i\u2019m not wrong.  he gets visibly upset when i tell him about my plans with my friends. he has even guilt tripped me into staying home and faked illnesses as well.  he scrutinizes my spending but will when i question his spending he gets upset.  he has tried to control my career choices and gotten upset when i did what i felt was best.  he will guilt me into having sex (don\u2019t get me wrong, i\u2019m usually up for it but sometimes my body doesn\u2019t want to co-operate)  i can\u2019t make jokes about him but he will constantly joke about me.  we can\u2019t talk about religion, social issues, politics, or music without him getting upset if i disagree.  i\u2019ve caught him trying to look at my phone.  he won\u2019t let me take transit after 8pm.   we get into arguments daily and have at least one really big blow out at least once a month.  when the relationship first started, i was happy, fit, and spontaneous. now i\u2019m always anxious, depressed, and usually sick to my stomach.  a month before we got engaged he said \u201ci\u2019m giving you until november to propose to me\u201d but never really elaborated on what would happen if i didn\u2019t.   if i talk about my work that day he will always try to tell me what my next steps would be.  when i bring up issues he will turn them around and i will always be the one to apologize even when i have done nothing wrong. or he will bring up completely unrelated issues and i have to apologize.  i feel like i\u2019m going crazy. i\u2019m super paranoid all the time that he\u2019s looking over my shoulder, i have to walk on eggshells around him. he makes me feel guilty when we don\u2019t hang out together. i\u2019ve stopped doing things i enjoy doing because he doesn\u2019t enjoy them. i feel like i\u2019m always wrong. i feel like i\u2019m always doing what he wants to do. i feel like there is always an ulterior motive in the things he does. he\u2019s turned down my suggestion for couples therapy and refuses to see anyone else about these things. i\u2019m getting worried that things aren\u2019t getting better and that i\u2019m starting to lose myself. i\u2019m just at a loss now and any advice would be appreciated. ", "answer": "you should see a couples counselor before you get married. these are significant issues.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lqavb", "comment_id": "5lqavb"}, {"question": "does anyone else hate the reactions people give you when you tell them about your trauma(s)?", "description": "i have a pretty extensive trauma history including an abusive childhood, my dad being sick and dying at a young age and being sexually assaulted weeks before his death. i\u2019ve been getting help for years and i\u2019m doing pretty well considering. i recently started talking to a new therapist who does emdr. i mentioned the fact that my assault happened three weeks before my dads death and she had that kind of ooooh or awwww that\u2019s so horrible reaction to it. does anyone else hate that? don\u2019t get me wrong i\u2019m glad people acknowledge the shittiness of it because it was pretty shitty. but i wish people wouldn\u2019t have that reaction to my face i know how it was i lived it i don\u2019t need you to feel pity or anything ya know? or maybe i\u2019m just being a dick i don\u2019t know. ", "answer": "yes i do. i also really hate \u201ci\u2019m sorry that happened to you\u201d. it always feels condescending to me. like, why are you sorry? you didn\u2019t cause it.   honestly i don\u2019t know if there\u2019s any response i find comfortable. the only thing i don\u2019t hate is something like \u201cthat must have been really difficult\u201d or \u201cit sounds like that really affected you\u201d. maybe when people just nod and maintain eye contact and indicate that they are present with me. something that is about me and my experience rather than about what it\u2019s like for them to hear about it. something that lets me know that i can talk about the impact to them and they can handle hearing it.", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "b9pzto", "comment_id": "b9pzto"}, {"question": "reddit, give me a reality check, please. boyfriend being shady or no?", "description": "my boyfriend (31) was out at the bar while i (26) was at home (i didn\u2019t feel like going out). he starts sending me endearing photos, of myself. he does this sometimes. its cute and it makes me happy, him admiring me like that.   and then he sends me a screenshot, of his ex\u2019s instagram photo, of her toes. from october. he has a slight thing for toes. he used to tell me how cute my toes were, would playfully pretend to eat them, ask me to send him a picture of them, etc. (but no he has never tried any foot thing in bed).   at first i was confused, and i was like, \u201cwth why did you send me that?\u201d  and then it hit me; he probably meant to send it to her. he might\u2019ve meant to send it to her as the same \u201cendearing\u201d gesture he did for me.  he calls me and is like \u201cwoah, idk how that happened, i think my phone did weird stuff from my pocket.\u201d i hang up, because i need to process that.   no. your phone doesn\u2019t happen to open your ex\u2019s insta page, scroll to a photo from months ago, screen shot it, open the screen shot, hit send this photo, pick your gfs number and hit send, all from your pocket.   even if by some miracle the phone sent the photo from his pocket, there\u2019s no way that the phone took a perfectly centered screenshot from her page by itself. but i don\u2019t even buy that the \u201cphone did it\u201d for any part of this. i\u2019m not the jealous type, i don\u2019t ask many questions, i try to live by trust, because i am not into that kind of drama and relationships aren\u2019t fun if you can\u2019t trust your partner. but this thing makes me feel like i\u2019m in denial if i don\u2019t stick with my gut.   he calls again, i told him i\u2019m not stupid and that he screenshot that photo and was probably sending it to her and accidentally sent it to me. and i hung up. he tried to call back a few times, i didn\u2019t answer. in the time i\u2019ve been typing this, he has come back home, drunk, and he\u2019s tried to talk. i\u2019m avoiding him and i\u2019ve told him to leave me alone, and i\u2019m holed up in my room, trying to sort myself out and convince myself that i should trust my gut and trying to think of what to do about this.   please, give me a reality check? ", "answer": "can you view the photo's meta data? try saving it. see when he took the screenshot. maybe it was part if his spank bank collection. but if it's recent, definitely he's up to no good!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7zvy3o", "comment_id": "7zvy3o"}, {"question": "why did i let him do it.", "description": "i was dating the man who i thought was the one for the past 2 years  and some months. between year one and year two he had a bad habit of clearing messages and wanting to hang out with suddenly single girls. he cheated on me a few days after our one year anniversary, and claimed he would block and never speak to her again. (i should have never took him back) a year of good times go by and he suddenly wants to break up with me for these reasons.  1. he wanted to focus on college. 2. he hated my hair cut. (i had long hair and chopped it all off to see how it would look. i love it tho.) 3. i didn't go straight to college.   after a few weeks i found out from his former best friend he never stopped speaking to the woman he cheated on me with. and would hang out and have sex with her behind my back. i'm beyond hurt but i keep telling myself i deserve better. i find myself thinking about him all the time and because of it i'm becoming more depressed then i was before. i know i shouldn't be feeling this way. but i would just like an outsiders opinion on how to go about this.   on the bright side i landed myself a teaching career for children ages 2-5. and i love it so far!  tldr;  i let a pathetic excuse for a man play me a fool and now i hate myself for it. ", "answer": "he's bad news. good riddance. just have to let go and move on. rehashing history does nothing, as you've already learned the lesson.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xul55", "comment_id": "6xul55"}, {"question": "hard time remaining motivated in abstinance", "description": "i know i don't want to do the drugs that got me in trouble now, but i still want to use. unfortunately i've found that my new favorite alternative to coke is just as addictive and controlling. logically i should back-pedal the fuck away from this, but after a couple of weeks of remaining abstinent, i lose track of how important living right and not using is, until i fuck up in some way, and life gives me a heads up in some form of trouble. how do you cope with this? - inb4 \"call your sponsor\".", "answer": "not trying to fulfill your inb4, but if you're in a twelve step group you know the answer to your question  the fact of the matter is i wanted to use every single day until i started to work the steps. i don't know if you're working a program or not, but if you are i can tell you, not only did the twelve steps get me sober, but they also gave me a new design for life. a life that is happy, joyous, and free. i know what you're talking about when you're sitting there thinking, \"i wanna use i wanna use i wanna use.\" it's miserable and you don't have to live that way.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "1p3rpv", "comment_id": "1p3rpv"}, {"question": "i'm [29/m] she's a [26/f] will call m", "description": "[26/f] will call m has a roommate/girlfriend [22/f] will call h.  m and h texts me all the time where in a group message, they genuine cares, we go out to lunch, we smoke. friend stuff. well, the other day  m started messaging me personally. and not in the group message with her girlfriend. she pointed out that h was gone until saturday. and she invites me over to hang. we touched a few times made eye contact i kinda now the signs of flirting.  i ended up leaving last night because could not figure out how to address this. i am attracted to her but she in a relationship    i don't know how to just ask her what's up or maybe i'm just implying too much. edit: for clarity  ", "answer": "your post is hard to follow. 22yo is out of town until saturday and m started texting you all flirty like on some side app?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68207p", "comment_id": "68207p"}, {"question": "how the fuck do some users have tens of thousands of karma points and zero posts?", "description": "WEBLINK  WEBLINK  gotta be something going on.  and what the fuck is this guy but a bunch of users joined at the bot:  WEBLINK", "answer": "lots of people delete posts periodically.      at the time i'm posting this, aussiebeast has 2 link posts up, both doing very well.  ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1p3bfc", "comment_id": "1p3bfc"}, {"question": "moving through shame/guilt into anger. is this a real thing?", "description": "been bingeing a tv show. not wanting to discuss which one.  therapist character on tv show was written to explain to another character that dealing with shame, guilt, worthlessness etc. that type of emotion is done by eventually getting angry at ... something.  it wasn't well-explained enough. only demonstrated the other character getting better after finally allowing themselves to feel angry at... whatever, or just angry in general, i can't figure it out.   **is there any merit to this?**  if so, could someone give me a pointer as to what this therapist character might have been referring to?  my next therapy appt. is in two weeks. i am definitely going to bury this whole idea if i don't deal with it right now and i might miss whatever benefit it could bring.  would appreciate any help.  (i am massively triggered right now and quite angry. don't know what to refocus it on. looking for ways to make this constructive.)", "answer": "this doesn't sound like anything i am familiar with . most models of grief acknowledge these feelings,  and guilt often comes before anger. however , most agree these models are not linear and people can move in both directions.  tv and movies often do a poor job portraying therapy and mental health.   one concern i have about \"anger \" being addressed in this way is that anger is a secondary emotion,  usually pointed externally.  most people are angry because of another emotion.  also people are usually angry at something,  but rarely sad or happy at something.    anger is real and deserves attention,  but should rarely be a therapeutic goal.  in my experience,  digging deeper and addressing the root emotion is more effective.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gi3r94", "comment_id": "gi3r94"}, {"question": "how to strengthen a relationship?", "description": "i am a highschool senior and i am dating a high school junior girl. i know you might say that we're just in high school and we don't know what real love is. yeah, we don't know what it feels like to live with each other but i want to be able to last enough to get to that stage. what are some things small or big that will strengthen our relationship and get us closer than ever? i just know this girl is amazing and i want to get even closer to her.", "answer": "make sure you have similar values and goals in life. be considerate, kind, thoughtful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60sor7", "comment_id": "60sor7"}, {"question": "suicide prevention committee leader feeling discouraged", "description": "i'm part of a suicide prevention committee and am pushing for research into the social factors surrounding mental illness, such as alienation and id formation as the \"troubled kid.\" in addition awareness that it starts in childhood but people don't realize it presents differently in kids.  ​  currently dealing with some negative thoughts such as:  i can't change anything  we're all doomed and there will be no future for the planet so why bother  i attempted four times before becoming committee leader so i shouldn't be allowed to be cl as i set a bad example  nobody will believe you", "answer": "this moment in time is very discouraging what with the rise of intolerance, civic corruption and greed, the looming threat of climate change and endless war. which makes the need for what you're doing greater even while there are fewer resources and less support to support you. that isn't optimal but it's what it is. the fact is your eyes are open to the problem and it's a huge and vitally important  problem. you value the idea of making a dent in that problem. you can spend your energy trying to make things better and risk failing, or you can fail out of the gate by letting your despair get the better of you. it is true that you can't save everyone. your impact won't be universal, but for those people you do reach, it will make some positive difference for some of them. and that is enough to make it worthwhile perhaps. you can help some. by living that virtue you will become a force for good in the world and your life will have meaning beyond your own survival.   research can be abstract and while it is important, it might not offer the direct experience of helping that you need to feel the positive impact of your work. maybe think about ways you can participate in implementation of what you learn so that you can better feel the impact. you can help save some and it can be gratifyingly when this happens, and there is friendship to be had when working with others.", "topic": "mmfb", "post_id": "bpliwl", "comment_id": "bpliwl"}, {"question": "my friends, my people.", "description": "hi! i can not express how pleased i am to see you  all. with encouragement from an amazing friend and doing the dance called \"fake it to you make it\" (like a boss!) i have been facing my fear of the internet and \"being on-line\" for the past 45mins. i felt lost and confused trying to work how to say hello and where to \"post it\" & what community. then like a diamond in the sky, mental health smacked me in the face! der shit face, i am so passionate and proud that i have a file with my name on the front at my local community mental health building. it makes sense to post in a community full of peeps that know what i'm talking about. pin that badge on me with bipolar effective disorder & the under valued ocd.i look after my labels. i respect them.  i am safe and relaxed amongst other people living with mental health because i can 100% be me, i don't have to put on an act or smile trying to convince or prove that i'm normal. social stigma prevents us from shaking the stigma. i don't need the pity look or a patronizing smile if i'm talking to you cause, crazy or not buddy i'm happier than you'll ever be. this spring i'll be in my late 30's, i am widowed and conducting my very own social experiment at home raising a boy and girl. i work at the long standing local hospital part time at night as a \"waitress\" to the patients. my big boss had the balls to call me a \"trolley dolly\" once. discrimination. i'm more than that, i love my job and take enormous pride in my work. my kids are amazing, i have a job i love, i have out of this world friends and meaningful relationship yet somehow some people only see my badges. its very exciting thinking i could express my thoughts and ideas freely without a face & body language to consider. i'm a big dreamer with wild goals and a unique bucket list, surely not me! if you have made it to this part of my essay, thank you! i'm going to count backwards from 12 by 2's and hit post and walk away slowly............", "answer": "welcome to reddit and this subreddit!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6u35yd", "comment_id": "6u35yd"}, {"question": "adhd fear docs won't help/ history or narcotic abuse", "description": "i'm a 36 yr old mom of two i work a professional job and i have always suffered from severe adhd symptoms i can't stay focused or sit still, i constantly forget/ run late/ get lost.. i have a history of opiate abuse after a back injury which i did recover from.. i went to my family doctor in july to finally ask for help with my adhd symptoms and she made me feel very judged... i was crying i had my list of symptoms and a timeline of how long it had been affecting me and i couldn't even finish before she interrupted me and told me there was no way she was prescribing me narcotics she gave me strattera i tried it for 2 months it had me falling asleep at work i got into a psychiatrist she gave me adderal which gave me terrible anxiety but did help my focus the problem is she is charging me $180 out of pocket every two weeks. i switched family doctors i'm going today for the first time. i looked at my chart last night online my prior family doctor put on my chart the day that i came in asking for help that i have a history of narcotic abuse, it wasn't there before i told her. i want to bring this up with my doctor and see if he will at least help me with a long-acting stimulant that won't cause me anxiety... does this marking on my chart make me automatically seem like a drug seeker? i don't know how to even bring it up", "answer": "can you find a psychiatrist specializing in adhd who takes your insurance? family doctors are skittish sometimes about prescribing stimulants anyway, even without a history of opiate abuse in the mix. but a psychiatrist specializing in adhd should know that substance abuse is a common symptom of the disorder and that your adhd needs to be properly treated to help you avoid self medication. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "9xb72q", "comment_id": "9xb72q"}, {"question": "if anyone can help me in the slightest please do.", "description": "hello,   so my anxiety is the wierdest i know of anyone's, and i do not expect anyone to understand it and i feel like a freak for having it.   for some reason uknown to me i have anxiety that stems from the fear of being attracted to people that i am not or i do not want to. this is as wierd as it actually sounds. it gets so bad, and i know none of it is true but i cannot calm myself down and get rid of the anxiety in my head. i hide it well, but even the people i tell don't seem to take it seriously. they just think \"oh hes just kidding.\" but i'm not, i live almost everyday stressed out of my mind because of it.   heres some examples of what im talking about.  recently i was at school and was talking to a friend of mine and suddenly i got the thought in my head, \"what if i was attracted to guys.\" that caused me to have a mini panic attack, for reasons unknown to me, and made me feel as if i actually was attracted to guys all my life and now im just denying it. which is completely untrue as i know im not, and it has passed. but really this can happen to anyone, close friends, regardless of gender, and even family, which is the creepiest and scariest part. i know none of it is true. i know this. but why do i stress and feel this way?   i feel so f*cked up and a freak for having this...i just want to live normally without thoughts such as these. its not everyday i have these, but there are periods where it lasts very long and it is terrible. i feel so alone.", "answer": "this is a bit odd but i say i used to have a bit of this anxiety too. just not in the same degree. i wish i knew what to say but for me, the feelings have passed. i think it went away naturally. how long as this been going on? are you on medication? have you talked to a therapist about this?", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "uw88z", "comment_id": "uw88z"}, {"question": "have any authors written about shyness?", "description": "i've read the book quiet by susan cain and was wanting to know more about the topic of shyness.  i'm not necessarily interesting in a manual about what to do with regards to shyness as much as understanding it more, especially from someone who has studied it under a scientific perspective.", "answer": "shyness: a bold new approach WEBLINK   he takes a scientific and psychological approach as well.   he also includes some practical information.   he spoke at my university when i was an undergrad and i got a lot out of it.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3ylqgo", "comment_id": "3ylqgo"}, {"question": "grocery shopping is a real nightmare for me", "description": "grocery shopping is a real nightmare for me. the moment that i walk in to a grocery store i start to feel very anxious.  there are people everywhere and everyone is blocking the pathways. i also tend to have a problem with focussing on all the products in the store as i walk past them. there are just way to many products and i can\u2019t process everything at once. and in the end i just start panicking for no reason.   grocery shopping with someone is even more of a nightmare. it always ends up in some sort of an argument, because when i start to panic, the only thing i want is to leave asap. unfortunately that is not always possible so my panicking/stressing about nothing gets even worse. also the person i\u2019m with thinks that i\u2019m overreacting and being a drama queen, when this is really how i feel. sometimes i almost cry out of stress. i always feel like such a little crybaby, because when i really think about it, grocery shopping is something so easy and simple, yet i seem to avoid it as much as possible.   is there someone who experiences grocery shopping relatively the same as me? sometimes i think that i might be crazy to make such a big thing about something so small and easy. (also sorry for my english, i\u2019m not a native english speaker.) ", "answer": "i don\u2019t get anxiety in the store usually; it\u2019s more like i get sooooo tired even just walking in from the parking lot, and the fatigue gets worse the longer i\u2019m there. eventually i start to feel depressed. sometimes it can be to the point where i feel totally unable to focus on getting my stuff so i\u2019ll just leave without buying anything, or i\u2019ll hastily grab a couple staples and jet, then get pissed at myself later because i don\u2019t have everything i need.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "abopbc", "comment_id": "abopbc"}, {"question": "recovery is so much harder than the depression itself.", "description": "hello. i've never made a reddit post before and probably never will again after this, but i thought i had to share.  before i start, please do not read this if you are currently in a bad place. writing all of this was good for me, but it may be bad for you.  today is a few months after the anniversary of my suicide attempt.  some context: i am a high school girl from los angeles who has struggled with lack of self worth and thoughts of suicide since maybe 5th or 6th grade. my mother, father, and older sister have always been normal and loving people to me, albeit they show it in strange ways (we're an east asian family, we love in the sense of \"tough love\" if that makes sense).  anyways, the first time i seriously considered killing myself was in 7th grade. i honestly don't remember the exact details, but i think i got a bad grade on my report card that day. my mom came into my room and started crying and screaming, saying she didn't know what to do with me. keep in mind that my sister was a straight a student throughout high school. getting a b+ was foreign to my parents. it was so long ago, but what i specifically remember that day is my mom telling me that she would rather kill herself than have to live with me. i was 12.  and so, for the next three years, i continued spiraling into a chasm of depression and anxiety. i never told anybody, because when you're in middle school, having depression is considered a sin for some reason. i continued having fights with my parents constantly, but my depression was mostly contained and i did not seriously consider ending my life.  then high school came along. my mother wanted me to attend a private school out of our district for the sake of better education. it was a catholic all-girls school, and i knew nobody there. to make matters worse, i have known that i am bisexual since i can remember (my parents do not know). to make matters even *more* worse, my grandma was hospitalized during this time and my best friend/neighbor's house burnt down. yeah. life was a wreck. it was about to get a whole lot worse though.  back in middle school, i didn't particularly enjoy going to class, but i liked seeing my friends and learning about new things. this was different. the girls at this private school were exclusive, demeaning, and all around just not good people. every day i felt like my spirit was getting crushed when i entered that campus. i know i sound dramatic, but when you go to a place you hate with your entire being for 8 hours a day, it takes a toll on your mental health. i started relapsing into my self-harming ways. at first, it was just thoughts, insomnia, sleeping at 3 am every night because i did not want to wake up the next morning. a few months into school, something happened with the other girls that i feel uncomfortable talking about (even to strangers on the internet). the result of those events was me seriously considering ending my life.  at this point, i decided to tell my parents. i began with my mom. being the traditional-minded asian she is, she immediately told me to suck it up and stop having \"white people problems\". because yeah, my problems seem minor compared to the scale of the world. i am from a upper middle class family who lives in a suburban neighborhood. i have privileges to things that many people work hard for their whole lives and still don't get. my life is good.  but, at the time, i was so blinded by my depression that i failed to see any of these things. i had a one track mindset, and i was set on killing myself. the fact that my parents did not take me seriously made me even more sure that my life was worthless. depressed, crying every day after school, and not getting anything accomplished, it was only my sister's intervention that made me not end it all. she convinced me to go see a therapist, and talked to me about my long-repressed issues with my parents. it didn't fix things, but it was a start.  one day, my mom called me downstairs. she sat me down and immediately started sobbing. she was telling me how much she loved me, and how sorry she was that she didn't see how upset i was before. she told me i could go back to my old school next year, where all my old friends were. i touched my wet cheek and realized that i was crying now too. my parents and i had never been close, so seeing her like this completely shell shocked me. she asked me to promise her to never kill myself. i did.  from then on, she drove me to school every day. \"be strong, only few more months until summer,\" she would tell me before i left the car. it was a grueling school year, but i made it through alive and i am now back at my old school where i have plenty of friends and i am much better thanks to therapy. i still get depressed very often, and i think about suicide all the time.  but this morning, my dad and i got into a fight. it was a very small one, and i got over it pretty quickly. i didn't think much of it, until he walked into my room a couple hours later and started crying and apologizing to me. he told me that he loved me very much, and that he never wanted to see me upset. i was completely torn. i have never seen my dad cry before. back when i went to that horrible school, i didn't interact with him most of the time and just kept him in the dark regarding my mental health. i never saw him express emotion toward me. but now, his eyes were red and he had tear streaks going down his face. i couldn't understand why he was so upset over something so small. it was such an insignificant fight, and we had had tons of those in the past over every little thing.  but then it hit me\u2014he knew. he knew about my suicide attempt, he knew about everything that happened last year. he wasn't there most of the time, but he knew and he thought it was his fault for letting it get that bad. both of my parents thought it was their fault. that whole time, i was so obsessed with how horrible i felt that i didn't acknowledge the pain my parents must have felt. i can only imagine how my parents must have felt, raising and loving a child only to have them tell you that they want to die. it must be the worst feeling in the world, knowing that you were so close to losing your child. i was so caught up in my own emotions at the time, i was so deep into my own depression that i didn't realize how much they loved me. how much pain i would cause them if i actually succeeded in killing myself.  so that is why my parents never argue with me anymore. we never get into fights. they're scared that i will spiral again, and that it might lead to permanent decisions this time. it's weird because i should be happy that we don't fight anymore, but i find myself missing the times where they would get mad at me over trivial things and then we would all forget within an hour. now, whenever i seem upset, they immediately start being overly kind and sympathetic. i think the reason why that hurts me so much is because i know that i am the reason why they have become this way. i feel so selfish in trying to kill myself. how could i not realize how much it would hurt those around me? it's already hurt my parents so much. i feel like i've broke them. i don't know how to continue on from here. now that my mind is clearer, i am realizing all the damage i have done that i previously could not see. i feel so guilty for even thinking about killing myself, knowing that my pain would only be transferred to my family.  i thought going through the depression was the hardest part. turns out, recovering from it is infinitely harder.  if you read this all the way to the end...i guess i only have one more thing to say. there's always somebody out there who loves and cares for you deeply. there are so many wonderful things in life to celebrate, and there are people who want to celebrate it with you. depression is a bitch that gets in the way of that. you can fight it.", "answer": "i think it is a good thing you are conscious of many things now that you werent before. that can make you more flexible in life. you seem to allow emotions and thoughts even when they are complicated and come out alright at the end of the day. please feel free to be proud of this :)", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "b1w85w", "comment_id": "b1w85w"}, {"question": "had an ecg taken, and was told i have an rsr' pattern.", "description": "the result came in the mail so i haven't had a chance to consult the doctor yet.    * does this require treatment / is it treatable?  * if so, would better diet/exercise help? * what could this lead to later in life?          my particulars:   38yro caucasian male   somewhat fit, 180cm / 5'11, 70kg / 155 lbs   not the best eating habits, smoker for 10 years :(", "answer": "why are you having an ecg in the first place?  i never rely on the reading in isolation - got pics?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6pnaur", "comment_id": "6pnaur"}, {"question": "how do i get therapy if my parents don't care enough my mental health. and i'm 13?", "description": "title says it all. i just need some help.  edit : i just can't believe that people on the internet are better than my parents. let that sink in.", "answer": "is there a teacher or other person at school you can talk to? most schools have some type of mental health support and have expanded this online since covid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g6ta66", "comment_id": "g6ta66"}, {"question": "confessions of a bad mom", "description": "today i bought lunch, a real lunch, and ate it. i didn\u2019t go pick up some booze and slam it in my car. i didn\u2019t make sure i had enough to drink on the way home so i didn\u2019t shake when i picked up my sons from daycare. i don\u2019t plan on making that shameful second stop for the evening bottle so i am not just a lump on the couch, but its because of the wine that i am a lump, it\u2019s just sickeningly reversed right now. part of the lies of addiction.  this is my rock bottom and i am on day 1 after a ridiculous attempt at a taper.  i didn\u2019t give them a proper summer because of my shit. they love me but i am not giving them what they deserve. my family has had to cover my ass so many times and now i\u2019ve used that one too many times. they don\u2019t want to help me anymore, or at least i wouldn\u2019t put up with helping me more. everyone has productive families, self-sustaining yet i can\u2019t seem to figure it out and they excuse me for being a single mom with depression and anxiety (which i am medicated for but to no surprise it doesn\u2019t work properly)  i let my youngest bully me into getting him a toy so i could drink. i can\u2019t even begin to imagine how many times i drove drunk.  i left them at home when i shouldn\u2019t have to get more.  i stole from friend\u2019s and family\u2019s booze stash.  i am sloppy and unproductive at my job.  i spend frivolously money i don\u2019t have when i am drunk.  i make promises that i break.  my house is disgusting. my weight and personal hygiene are disgusting. i can barely look in the mirror.  and now i am sitting here for the second day at work, sweating and shaking and zero sleep due to brain zaps, hallucinations, pouring sweat and shaking all night. and the sick thing about that? i want some wine. or rather i want to be able to tell myself once i feel better, i can drink a glass here and there and that this just got out of hand this time. yeah right! reading the above makes me want to throw up and strangle my own brain for being this way. and i know about kindling effect and the dangers of withdrawal and i still am sitting here fighting this demon? how? and why am i so uncomfortable in my own skin? i look at normal people and have no idea how they do it. but i swear to you guys i am going to do it this time, even if everything has to fall apart for a while.   edit: wow to everyone who shared those amazing words with me, thank you. i needed them like air today and i am bawling in a good way finally. i will come here everyday so thank you from the bottom of my heart!", "answer": "relate to everything you said. believe me, many other people do too. i really appreciate your honesty. things won\u2019t always be like that; stay sober and work on yourself and you will understand how \u201cnormal\u201d people go about their days without having to structure them around drinking, or rather just surviving. i remember thinking the same thing on many occasions. you will get there. don\u2019t give up!! iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cqed39", "comment_id": "cqed39"}, {"question": "[26/f] need advice dealing with work crush [28/m]", "description": "heads up, think we both are behaving way immaturely. i slept with my work crush after we were drunk - both sober and drunk. it was fun. and the next day, since i mentioned we need to talk - nothing major, i didn't want a relationship but sex was good, didnt want us being awkward since we work together etc. he has been deflecting, avoiding having the talk altogether, ignoring me. help? (i still have a crush, but i want to not make him be uncomfortable, want to hook up..) but now i'm on to self blaming for this. any advice?", "answer": "he's got the feels or he's afraid you caught them. if you just want to have occasional shameful sex you're probably good to go as is. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6985t5", "comment_id": "6985t5"}, {"question": "family doesn't want me to build another gaming pc out of fear i'll become a drunk caveman...", "description": "a few years ago i built a high end gaming computer. i did become a caveman and towards the end i was more of a drunken slob with a shit paying job...   i sold my pc and put on my big boy pants, got a real job that takes up a lot of my day however i'm now your average american...  my day consists of up at 6am, at work by 8am, lunch is at 1pm at which time i chose to work out, 2pm i'm back in my office and i'm there until 5pm. my day is pretty damn stressful. so stressful i'm 24 and have high blood pressure. because of the high blood pressure i take a medication that mixes horribly with alcohol. my heart flip flops every minute and i run tachycardic... so i can't drink.   what do i do when i get home at 6pm? i'm a couch potato. i have nothing to do. i can't afford a relationship so i avoid dating. i also avoid friends because again... that costs money i don't have...   the gaming pc i want to build will take time to save for. i'm not sure what else to do because i've pretty much hit the spike in my life. when i was gaming it was the greatest stress reliever i'd ever had. 10 fold what sex ever relieved. gaming was that 4 hours of constant gratification. i was having fun... i didn't have to worry about the bills. i was in my own world...    but my family thinks i'll revert to that fat drunk slob phase again...     i'm stuck and it's tearing my brain apart. i'm tired of my boring couch potato life. i love gaming. i workout and i'm losing weight but that doesn't rid me entirely of stress. it's not that decompression i need to sleep.    can y'all help me decide?", "answer": "here's the thing. there's nothing wrong with spending your money and your free time on a hobby you enjoy. in fact it's healthy in moderation.  however, gaming alone will not relieve your stress. what is the root cause of the stress? that's the goal you need to tackle. maybe you need a better job? maybe you need a better living situation? maybe you need a way to connect to others socially? and finances aren't an excuse here, if you have time - there's a lot of activities you can do for free in your community. check out your local library, or tabletop game store, or take up volunteering.  there's nothing wrong with having couch potato time, in fact everyone needs some, but honestly, gaming is just a different type of couch potato activity. i say this as someone who has a gaming pc and plays like 2-5 hours almost every day. but it's important to have other goals in life that will move you forward in some way.  you've kicked the drinking and gaming habit in the past and made some progress in life in the past, and that's great! worthy of celebrating! keep going - how else can your life improve?", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "f9hvrd", "comment_id": "f9hvrd"}, {"question": "breakup with alcoholic boyfriend", "description": "i met my ex boyfriend two and a half years ago. we clicked so well and everybody loved him. i knew he was a drinker, hell, i partied it up with him a lot of nights.  there were some borderline deal breaker nights when he ditched me for people who could buy him alcohol but i decided to forgive him. the thing is that i never saw problem drinking growing up. i honestly didn't know what i was getting into. everybody said i was the best thing that ever happened to him and he was so different since he met me. i guess he went from drinking everyday to drinking 2-3 days a week and tried to keep it under control. i didnt think much of it. i occasionally drank too much as well but never more than once a week and that would be a stretch.   fast forward and one thing led to another and we moved in together and started a business together etc. he was working long hours all week and then on the weekend wanted to be anywhere but home. just wanted to catch a buzz. he stopped helping around the house, stopped sleeping in the bed with me because of trouble sleeping, his sex drive went way down. stopped making any kind of effort and i really didnt feel like he cared at all. his communication skills are non existent so he can never talk about his feelings and i know he has a lot of anxiety.  he is the kind of drinker that once he has one you can bet he'll black out that night. lose his phone/keys/wallet and need you to pick him up wherever his is i  the middle of the night and then take him back there the next morning to get his truck. seeing him lay in bed all day hung over sat/sunday is pathetic. especially when he promised to spend time with me. he has bad stomach issues and he is horrible with money.  i tried everything to help him and made excuses for him but finally saw it for what it was and gave him an ultimatum to quit drinking or leave. he did try. made it three weeks. (although he was high the whole time). it was another three weeks of benders before i finally kicked him out. i dont think he has been sober since. (two weeks tomorrow). i have been reading a lot on here and am coming to grips with the fact that he definately has a serious drinking problem. and that its not going to magically go away. whenever i miss him i just have to tell myself i miss the idea of him because the real him is never home anyway or he is cranky because of hangover. im sad about losing him because i think he has a good heart but i know i made the right decision. reading all your stories solidifies my decision and helps me keep a stiff upper lip. i cant save him, and now i have to take care of myself.", "answer": "...and if he wants sobriety consequences like what you just gave him will be the motivation he needs. his fate and sobriety are in his hands. the fact that while abstinent from alcohol and high off something else only further solidified to me that he simply does not wish to stop. stay strong. encourage him in his sobriety with love and support. do not enable no matter how tough it is to resist and maybe he will decide to get sober for himself. ", "topic": "alanon", "post_id": "2m8nje", "comment_id": "2m8nje"}, {"question": "help?", "description": "my husband and i have no money to spend on mental healthcare for my suicidal ideation, hell we barely have enough to feed ourselves, mostly because my depression/anxiety disorder/paranoia is too deep for me to keep from being fired.  i have tried free hotlines and chatlines, but they are always 'down' or 'out of service'.  i am off my medication by choice because my husband wants children.   this will be my fourth suicide attempt, previous ones were stopped because of emergency intervention because we had healthcare. this time we do not and i am not sure how to help myself.  i am sorry if this is rambling, i am sorry if you feel this is inappropriate or that my post is worthless, i am only writing this because i have no one else.", "answer": "hey there, i'm listening. where are you located, if you don't mind me asking? ", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "28nitv", "comment_id": "28nitv"}, {"question": "i (54y m) have realised that i am self censoring less and less. i don't think this a good thing. what is this phenomenon?", "description": "pretty much what the title says.  i believe most folks have a filter between what they really think and feel and what they say.  i certainly do / did.  this prevents saying or doing things that may result in social censure.  my filter is is becoming intermittent.  i suspect this is age related.  does anyone have any insight?  update / edit thank you everyone for your comments. i have read every one and they have helped refine what i was struggling to write.   i am concerned that my personality may have taken a turn for the worse.  i have found that i get frustrated by various stuff (see below) and this causes me to go into rages.  whereas before i could  think rationally about how stupid stuff affected me and laugh things off.  now when i get frustrated i go from 1 to 10 in a heartbeat.  i will curse and get in a rage.  then it will go as fast as it came once i get it out of my system and can get a grip.  this is never directed at a person other than myself and i don't think i'm a physical threat to anyone.  stupid stuff that 'triggered' me in the last month: - bashing my head on the cooker-hood   - being cut up by another driver   - being annoyed that a piece of home electronics had a hard wired power cable and not a removable cable   - leaving my wallet at home    to the posters who have suggested that it's me giving less of a shit what other people think as i get older - its  something i recognize but i reached that point 3 or 4 years ago.  edited for spelling grammar and formatting", "answer": "49 (f) and i have the same problem. my teen girls are mortified 90% of the day.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "bts5o8", "comment_id": "bts5o8"}, {"question": "being a better college student", "description": "i'm not failing any of my classes but i just need help on becoming a more proactive and better college student. it feels like i can't ever sit down and focus, i always distract myself with other things (reddit)  i procrastinate every assignment and then end up stressing the hell out of myself (already have bad anxiety) the assignments i do procrastinate are all shit(imo) when i turn them in.   whenever i do have open time, i always blow my homework off. i'm not keeping myself in check and i want to get back on track. what can i do to stay focused/on track and better my grades to be a better college student?   thanks ", "answer": "the author david foster wallace was known to physically remove the parts of his laptop that could be used to connect him to the internet.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "231b5g", "comment_id": "231b5g"}, {"question": "weight loss, metformin?", "description": "i diagnosed  7 years ago (i'm 23 now). i've done a pretty good job of keeping everything under control naturally but lately i've been really struggling. between a lot of personal issues i'm going into counselling for and opening a business/stress, i'm losing the fight on this one. i lost a good amount of weight, went down  70lbs, had another 30 to lose to my goal. i've slowly been creeping back up. i'm gaining weight, it seems to be mainly my belly and back. it's killing me. i just wanted people's opinions on metformin. i'm slightly insulin resistant, going for blood work again soon. i just want something to help me get things under control - the cravings and weight gain. thanks", "answer": "i think it would be beneficial for you to go on metformin. ask your doctor about it. many pcos patients benefit from metformin and it helps them manage their weight. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3oioo2", "comment_id": "3oioo2"}, {"question": "oh, god! make it stop.", "description": "i would give up everything, for just moments of peace. everything and every last bit of my time and energy. for just one second of quiet. ", "answer": "i understand how you feel.  i feel the same way.   don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9nv47g", "comment_id": "9nv47g"}, {"question": "i'm worried i may be experiencing psychosis - help?", "description": "for the last few months my depression and anxiety has been through the roof. i've not been a good place.  what i'm experiencing isn't so much delusions, more so paranoias, revolving around the theme of people being a product of my imagination. i can rationalize that these paranoias are untrue, but still they bother me. i sometimes get paranoid that my so is a sort of higher power, who's leading me on a certain path. i get paranoid that he can hear my thoughts and knows what i'm doing when we're not together.  we've had a lot of arguments lately, which are caused by me getting stuck in extremely negative thought loops, and i hear everything he says as a criticism. i begin to believe he doesn't really love or care about me or even like me anymore.  i'm scared to be alone. i see shadows, i get this bothersome feeling that i'm not alone. it freaks me out.  i don't know what to do anymore. i miss feeling sane. anyone else experience anything like this? i'm in therapy but haven't spoken to anyone about these specific concerns because i feel embarrassed about it.", "answer": "paranoia is a common form of psychosis though less recognized because it seems more plausible.  truly, medication may help.  think about seeing a psychiatrist.  ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "30hk7g", "comment_id": "30hk7g"}, {"question": "help with snri withdrawal?", "description": "i was put on 150mg of venlafaxine about half a year ago. it's the second antidepressant i've been on and there are only negative effects. a few weeks ago i decided i've had enough and cut it down little by little, until i had been on the smallest pills in the capsules (12,5mg) for 3 days and just stopped it there. now i've been without the med for 2 days and withdrawal is getting worse. brain zaps about once every 10 seconds, sometimes they reach out to my limbs. i'm sweating and i have a headache that painkillers are doing nothing to. nausea and puking started a few hours ago.  anybody with experience? what can i do to ease this?", "answer": "venlafaxine is one of the hardest snri drugs to taper off of.  have you talked to the doctor about it?  they may be able to add another much more mild antidepressant to temporarily assist, or have other options.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yjp18", "comment_id": "yjp18"}, {"question": "my mom attempted suicide today", "description": "tw: kind of graphic description of suicide attempt     so at around midnight on 5/31/18 i woke up to my brother coming into my room and screaming that our mom tried to kill herself and that she wasn\u2019t breathing. i immediately got up and went outside, i went into the backyard and into the garage, where my step father was trying really hard to give her cpr. she tried to kill herself by hanging, she took an electrical cord and draped it over a hook on the ceiling, and wrapped it around her neck. thankfully because of how poor her attempt was, she wasn\u2019t fully hanging off of the ground, and was mostly on the ground. we don\u2019t know how long she was out there and we don\u2019t know how long her airway had been cut off. anyway, as soon as my step father got her to start gasping for breath, the paramedics showed up and put an oxygen mask on her. they took her away into the ambulance and my brother, me, and my step father got ready to go to the hospital. eventually we ended up in the er waiting for answers about my mom. they had first told us that she might have suffered significant brain damage and could end up brain dead. however, they took her to get a ct scan of her brain, and they then told us that they don\u2019t see any significant damage to the brain, no swelling or bleeding, and her neck was not injured significantly. i\u2019m so thankful that the damage that was done wasn\u2019t worse. after the horrifying news we decided to wait to see her, talk to her a little, and then go home. when we were able to go see her i went in first. she was breathing so hard and she was in a coma. i don\u2019t know how long her brain went without oxygen and i just really hope that she wakes up and can make even somewhat of a recovery. all we know as of right now (5:00 am on 5/31/18) is that she is stable but in critical condition, and now we\u2019re just waiting for her to wake up. i have a lot of thoughts going on in my head right now but mostly i just want her to wake up and not be a vegetable. the only thing i\u2019m really worried about is the fact that she was drinking so much alcohol when she did it, and with her asthma and obesity she\u2019s more at risk of complications.. you really don\u2019t know how much you miss someone and realize how much better you should treat someone until something like this happens. i just wanted to vent about it because everyone is asleep now and i haven\u2019t been able to even think about sleeping. i\u2019m ending my vent here. i love you mom, please wake up. ", "answer": "i'm very sorry for you all, and hope that your mother has a chance to keep living a full life.  please consider therapy for yourself; this is traumatic. ", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "8ngyx6", "comment_id": "8ngyx6"}, {"question": "being in a relationship is tough, so i made a list of stuff to work on myself to be a better boyfriend/person.", "description": "**things to work on:**  ---------   **don't correct people on little things**   - help when asked is alright - have a conversation on what doesn't cross boundaries    **don't dismiss how someone feels.**   - you have a different perspective and history    **observe when a conversation becomes an unnecessary argument**   - it doesn't matter that much - being \"right\" is not more important than your relationship    **make sure to never imply that friends/family don't support when they do**    **for an upcoming event, plan the day beforehand:**   - cost and how that will be handled - do we both have the time for it? - time spent there    something that i understood a while ago but saw terry crews talk about it in an interview:  \"**it's impossible to love someone and control them at the same time.** and what happens is you've been taught- like men have this thing like \"you must control your world, you control these things, and to be a man you must have control\" but you can't control other people and people get it mixed up.\"  **\"-you  telling everyone what to do doesn't make you the boss, you doing everything thing you told yourself to do makes you the boss.\" -[terry crews](WEBLINK)**   ------   some of these are just things i've grown up around and i don't know how much i've done of them but **i try my damndest not to be like my abuser(s), ever.**  the last part, i've always issues controlling myself and tried and tried and then i found out about my adhd and i'm proud of my progress.   **we have issues with self control but, that doesn't mean we get to harm others. working on ourselves is tough, not impossible.**  -----  **tldr: find out what you're doing that can harm your relationship with others and work on it.**", "answer": "i feel you with the \"don't correct people\". i do that all the time and i hate it.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "b3nk6k", "comment_id": "b3nk6k"}, {"question": "someone with adhd want to chime in and confirm this? check my arm-chair diagnosis before i waste time with specialists.", "description": "can someone with adhd skim this and give some thoughts? want to be sure i've got my arm\\-chair diagnosis correct.  i'm working up to scheduling an appointment with an actual specialist for a diagnosis.  in the meantime: i'm supposed to be doing something important right now and am waiting for the caffeine to kick in so instead i got distracted researching that's possibly wrong with me and posting this.  i can't stick to a structured schedule to save my life \\(or career\\), an 8 hour work\\-day drains my soul, and i have difficulty not being completely drained working just 30 hour weeks, being drained by structured work saps my ability to be structured and efficient in my freetime, there are things i \\*want\\* to do in my free time but instead waste it all bouncing between distractions that don't accomplish anything \\(i don't even feel entertained or refreshed\\), really forcing myself to do what i tell myself i should be doing takes extreme mental effort and drains my willpower, i can barely plan anything beyond the immediate moment, my task\\-memory is constantly wiping itself blank while working such that i fuck up basic procedures because it just evaporates from my mind as i go resulting in me unintentionally skipping steps i just read and told myself i have to do merely seconds ago, conversation is difficult for me because i often can't listen for less than a minute before i catch myself wandering and completely forgetting what we were talking about, i myself can barely make a point in a conversation before my own tangential thoughts pull me away or i forget what point i was trying to communicate resulting in a rambling branching logic path that i'm lucky if it circles back around to close, and it's difficult for me to discern what people are tying to tell me because of the prior difficulties and getting distracted mid\\-conversation with the myriad of possibilities of what they could be saying and often forgetting soon after anyway.  some people have suggested asd as well but there's a huge overlap with adhd?  i do fine on reading expressions, tone, empathy, etc. i have problems with volume, masking the tone of my actual mood, and clear concise communication, and sometimes get a strong impulse to talk about something that's caught my attention which can impede my conversational skills by sapping willpower to ignore it. anxiety in social situations for me is pretty bad. my hobbies and interests jump around a lot, i can do really well in them then often drop them only to cycle through them on an unintentional rotating schedule, but at no point do i have life\\-long obsessions or am very interested in the \"data collection\" type hobbies usually associated with asd. there may be some motor/coordination issues, disassociation by environmental stimulus, and some repetitive movements \\(but they're not repeating continuously, just things i do more than others over the course of a day like cracking knuckles, stretching my neck, sighing, etc\\).  i got this far before realizing and adding the 3rd line/paragraph. i should do the thing i need to be doing but i know i'm actually about to go get some food and watch a few videos instead despite the fact i've already eaten then check out the amazon package that was just dropped off when i know i don't have time for that and should wait to do that when i get back from work. then i'll spend the rest of the day mentally kicking myself for being so unproductive with my morning when i knew the entire morning what i should have been doing at every moment i wasn't doing those things i should have been doing.", "answer": "it's never wasting your time with specialists.     self-diagnosing or asking armchair psychologists to diagnosis you isn't going to help.  what would a diagnosis mean to you?  that you would begin therapy and consider medication?  if that's the case, you should get evaluated.     as a therapist, i would never put stock in diagnosing myself, even though i'm licensed and have close to 10 years experience working in the field.  i have been diagnosed with adhd and take meds for it.  if you're concerned that it's adhd, get checked out and if diagnosed and recommended meds, consider it.  i wish i would've done it years earlier.   ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8nk0xn", "comment_id": "8nk0xn"}, {"question": "i can't stop drinking.", "description": "monday, 6 am  get up for work, red eyed.  lips are dry, hands are dry.  so dehydrated.  resolve not to drink today.  pour a cup of coffee, head to work.   7 am  get to work.  swear i'm going to exercise after work today.  8 am  stretch, get another cup of coffee.  wonder if the pain in my side is a sore, abused liver finally giving up.  9 am  reaffirm to self that i will not drink today. is it lunch time yet?  10 am  another coffee.  tingle in my arm, hope i haven't drank myself to a stroke at age 36.    11 am  i will not drink today.  is it lunch time yet?  12 pm  lunch time    1 pm  back to work.  begin to justify why i need a drink after work.  2 pm  looks at clock, wishes it was 4.  remind myself i promised myself i wouldn't drink today.  3 pm  looks at clock, wishes it was 4.  continue to justify why i need a drink.  4 pm  clock out!  drive home, debating whether or not i deserve a beer.  430 pm  get home..  look at the treadmill, can't do it.  look at the fridge, can't do it.  440 pm  crack open a beer in front of spouse because the weather is nice/the day has been stressful/the kids are already driving me crazy/whatever excuse i need to justify it  530 pm sneak drinking a beer just in case spouse is counting  6 pm  sneak drinking another beer just in case spouse is counting  630 pm crack open my \"second beer\"  7 pm refill cup when spouse isn't looking.  i'm between buzzed and drunk now, but think i'm holding it together and fooling everyone.    730 pm another sneaky refill  8 pm  leave empty cup by sink just in case spouse is counting  830 pm ask spouse to get me \"one more beer\" from the fridge  9 pm    head upstairs to take a shower.  grab a \"shower beer\"  ??? pm  pass out    \t................    3 am  wake up in cold sweat.  shame washes over me as i wonder how i got to bed.  desperately try to remember if i picked a fight with my spouse the night before.  try to figure out what day of the week it is, whether or not i have to work.  wonder if my kids are going to bury me early.  resolve not to drink tonight.  swear i'm going to give my body a break.  as my heart races, i wonder what it would take to stop.  i wonder if i have what it takes.  if i'll drink myself to death.  i wonder what the poison is doing to my body, how many days, weeks, months, years is the booze taking away from me.  spend 2 hours not really sleeping, just laying there... wishing i could sleep.  wishing i could moderate.  wishing i was normal.  wishing someone knew.  wishing it was easy to stop.  tuesday 6 am  get up for work.  resolve not to drink today.  go to work.  come home.  get drunk.  wednesday 6 am  get up for work.  resolve not to drink today.  go to work.  come home.  get drunk.  thursday, maybe manage not to drink.  friday  6 am  get up for work.   good think it's the weekend!  start drinking without shame or remorse as early as possible. pass out early.  saturday sleep in til 8 am.  start drinking around noon.  pass out early.  wake up at 3 am sunday morning.  swear i am going to take sunday off, give my liver a break.  sunday sleep in til 8 am.  resolve to make it through the day sober.  after all i work tomorrow, and i just spent 2 days drinking copious amounts of beer.  i won't drink.  i won't drink.  resolve cracks early afternoon.  open a beer by 3 pm.  drunk by 5.  pretend to be sober until i pass out at 745.  next thing i know, it's 3 am monday morning and the weekly cycle begins again.", "answer": "go to a detox facility, then rehab", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "8ee7eb", "comment_id": "8ee7eb"}, {"question": "farewell lunch", "description": "okay so i finished working at my company about 2 weeks ago, but before i left, the director of my department (my boss\u2019s boss - my manager is on mat leave) said i can return my company laptop and keys when they do a lunch for me (but he added \u201cunless i want to leave my stuff that day). he suggested we do the lunch next week and i was allowed to pick a time and place convenient to my schedule.   the start of next week i sent him an email saying i can do lunch with the company on friday at \u201csaid restaurant\u201d which was within a walking distance of the office. however he shoots me an email shortly right after saying this week is no good because he\u2019s away this week... okay no problem we\u2019ll plan for next week.  next week comes along, i do the same thing but this time to confirm... he doesn\u2019t respond right away but instead sends me an email the next day saying if i\u2019m coming to the 25th year celebration event (on the 25 of this month), i could return my stuff then....  well except , i wasn\u2019t ever invited to that plus it kinda cuts into my prior commitments - so i\u2019ll most likely won\u2019t be able to attend...  the director is kinda cold and has come off as an ass sometimes - which my manager even once said he may seem like he doesn\u2019t care but he does, he\u2019s just really busy. i had other coworkers who were interested in attending my farewell lunch and i also planned to invite my manager since i worked with her a lot during my time there...  does this seem right with you guys? what would you do?", "answer": "if i was in this situation, and it seemed like the company had promised something like that but wasn't going to follow through, i'd just invite everyone i wanted to come out.  \"hey, i'm really going to miss everyone.  i want to try to get folks together for lunch since i'm on my way out.  who's in?\"", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9l3jae", "comment_id": "9l3jae"}, {"question": "me [m, 20] debating whether to get back together with an ex [f, 18]", "description": "we dated for several months in high school, then she broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with a long-distance relationship. two years later, we've been catching up through a theater production we're both in. we've been texting frequently, she's been laughing at my jokes, and awkward eye contact with one another has been regular. essentially, she's sending all positive signals. i want to ask her on a date this weekend--but i'm second guessing myself. when she broke up with me it was totally out of the blue and then she started dating a new guy less than a month later. i don't know if i want to give her the power to hurt me like that again. but also, the more time i spend with her, the more i realize that i genuinely love spending time with her. i feel that we've both grown a lot as people, and she seems receptive to a possible relationship. any advice?  edit: forgot to mention that she'll be attending the same college as me in the fall, so the distance won't be a problem anymore.", "answer": "just fucking do it.   if it makes you feel better, you're allowed to be mad if she dumps you again. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6otcj9", "comment_id": "6otcj9"}, {"question": "large pimple", "description": "two days ago i discovered a large pimple under the skin on my chin. it was super swollen, and there wasn't a whitehead so i left it alone. today the white head popped up, so i started popping it. i've been continuing to pop it every few hours, but not a lot comes out every time. the hole is somewhat big, and i'm getting concerned i could get an infection through it. i've been habitually touching it, and who the hell knows what's on my hands. is this a real possibility? i tend to over think things regarding my health, so it could easily be impossible. what do you think?", "answer": "i'm not a doctor, but this has happened to me about a million times.  i always pick at them, and i've never gotten an infection.  i suppose it's possible, but i think it's probably unlikely.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "7fkmtq", "comment_id": "7fkmtq"}, {"question": "how to not let other people control your mood", "description": "i suffer from depression (currently taking antidepressants and start therapy next week) but i constantly feel like i need to be around people to be happy. like when i\u2019m alone, i get down and my negative thoughts consume me. how can i find my own inner happiness? i don\u2019t have a lot of friends but i feel like my neediness pushes them away.. any advice much appreciated. ", "answer": "hi. just wanted to chime in because it's recognisable for me, and i do have some advice :) it's the advice of **taking control.** because you are much more powerful than you think. you hold a perception about yourself. you believe something that is making you feel the way you feel. you have the control to take this perception at face value or to not believe it. it sounds very simplistic, right? but this doesn't mean things change overnight (although you might notice a certain difference). it is the start of change.   it is a difficult journey battling negative self-views. but notice, these negative beliefs are patterns of words, thoughts, that you learned from others. **they are not native to you.** you did not come into this world believing the terrible things about you, as an expression of wonderful life!, that you believe now. realise that whenever you are feeling shitty it is because you believe something about yourself that is weakening. you are the one making yourself unempowered (as an unconscious habit, but nevertheless). you need to figure out what it is that you believe. it might slip under the radar most of the time, which is where our first step of taking control comes in. we don't simply accept anymore that 'this is how things are'. our first step is to figure out what it is you believe about yourself. for instance, it might be \"people need to validate me and make me feel that i am worthy/lovable, because it is not something i myself can determine.\" this might be something you learned as a child. maybe, as an example, you had a parent who needed a lot of your support, and unless you supported them the way they needed, they'd make you feel unimportant or unloved by ignoring you, being mean, not giving you the attention that you deserved, and so on.  if you walk around with this belief, you hand over the power to others to control how you feel. you look for confirmation of your belief unconsciously, and you see it in things that you don\u2019t even *know*, but that you interpret a certain way. you also see it for real, because you create it, you manifest it, by viewing yourself this way. if you communicate to the world that they control you, the world will accept that view and act on it. if you communicate to the world that you are your own boss, you\u2019re an entrepreneur of feelings and beliefs, the world will have no choice but to accept that view and act on it.   it is your belief and nothing else that determines the quality of your life. you decide. red pill or blue pill.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8a35if", "comment_id": "8a35if"}, {"question": "how did you overcome chronic emotional numbness? inability and lack of desire to develop a connection with others (platonic or romantic)?", "description": "i've been like this for 8 or 9 years now, life is just sort of grey, no joy or anything (except negative emotions like anger and depression, but never positive ones).   i never had much of a social life, let alone a romantic one, and it doesn't even bother me, but that's the problematic part, before the traumatic events i was outgoing and always craved a connection with others, but now i don't feel the need for any of it. is there a way out?", "answer": "gave my partner a book about different love languages and make sure i\u2019m doing the best possible within the language i\u2019m using. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "9k6o47", "comment_id": "9k6o47"}, {"question": "since women with pcos have higher testosterone, are we more prone to getting \"bulky\" when we lift?", "description": "hey guys! i'm currently at a healthy weight and three months into a lifting program. my trainer assured me it wouldn't really bulk me up, but i started to do research as to *why* it shouldn't bulk me up, and it's because of testosterone! usually women don't have enough... but do we??  i completely forgot i have pcos, and i already finished all my personal training sessions so i can't ask my trainer :(", "answer": "my mom has pcos as well and worked in a commercial kitchen hauling around 25 and 50 lbs of produce, flour and such. she was overweight at the time so you didn\u2019t see it much on her frame but her biceps got *jaked* like she flexed and it was just huge. she took pride in it, rosie the riveter style.   i wouldn\u2019t let it dissuade you all together, just keep an eye on it. maybe do some yoga or pilates to get that lean look rather than bulky. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "7f2vr6", "comment_id": "7f2vr6"}, {"question": "i am (41/m) seriously thinking about divorcing my (38/f) wife. but am having doubts. how do i move forward?", "description": "i'm not happy in my marriage.  i'm not going into too much details, but i married my wife on faith that god will make things work, tried to be a sole provider in return for respect and understanding, but now, as an atheist, i remain a provider, but coming home is not a happy experience for me.  i feel hopeless and disappointed and disrespected.  here is my hesitation, in the order of severity:  1.  7yo daughter is going to be devastated.    2.  i've never lived alone.  i do provide 100% of the income and have been supporting a nice lifestyle, but i haven't done laundry, haven't cooked.  i feel like a whimp that still needs a mommy. we married at when i was 22 and she was 19.  a very bad mistake, in retrospect, but we have 2 kids (17yo and 7yo) so will always remain connected, somehow.  3.  i'm 41, don't look as good as i did in my 20s, have gained about 40lbs since then.  this one i can fix easier, but it will take a lot of work.  in light of the above, what is your recommendation for me?  wife may have mental issues (which she refuses to address).  they are not related to harming anyone, but she throws silent tantrums that last weeks.  in the past, i was the one who apologized (for wanting to buy something she was against) and we would make some truce, but i'm getting tired of this shit.  no more apologizing from me.", "answer": "marriage counseling 3-4 months. what to do next will be obvious.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vt65f", "comment_id": "6vt65f"}, {"question": "how to get invited to things over the summer?", "description": "so 2mrw is the last day of school, i've only recently started to be more social within the last month, for the first 9 months of school i was so focused on work and getting straight a's. i've made a couple of good friends but with the rest of my friends i'm pretty awkward and rarely speak unless spoken to, so how do i get invited to things?", "answer": "ask them what they're doing and if it sounds interesting, ask if you can tag along.    the other way is to start inviting them to do things with you.  if you never do this, it's likely they'll either get the impression you don't want to be bothered with them or it's not worth inviting you to do things because you won't reciprocate.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8nmey3", "comment_id": "8nmey3"}, {"question": "law of attraction and ocd", "description": "does anyone get worried that by focusing so much on these intrusive thoughts and anxiety that we might manifest it in real life.  a friend of mine said if i keep thinking about my fears than it can happen because i\u2019m putting that vibration out into the universe ", "answer": "it doesn't work for people wanting to win the lottery, so why's it going to work for you and whatever your fear is?", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "79iiyx", "comment_id": "79iiyx"}, {"question": "what are the symptoms of withdrawing from lorazepam, will they go away, and how can i alleviate them?", "description": "i'm tapering off a small dose of lorazepam at night. it was .5 mg, small pill. i'm now taking half of that for a couple more days, then half of that for a week, then every other day. i tried to quit it one half in, but that was too fast. the problem is, my brain still feels like that 90's sudafed commercial, my head floating away. is this what normally happens, and is there a way to alleviate it, and will it ever go away? i don't have a support system, and the closest to that is work, which is still work and feeling terrible and having a low filter for what to talk about isn't very job proof.  28, ftm 189 lbs", "answer": "addiction psychiatrist here.  0.5mg lorazepam (equivalent to 5mg diazepam) shouldn't cause any significant withdrawal symptoms, though those that have taken it long-term may suffer a psychological adjustment to the idea of reliance without benzodiazepines. in practice you should be fine just stopping it, and to give it time, but what youre doing isnt doing any harm.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5s15fu", "comment_id": "5s15fu"}, {"question": "my mom has a gambling problem and i don't know what to do. . .", "description": "so yesterday my mom lost over $400 to slot machines but it's no surprise to me. this has been going on for over a decade.  i'm just so sick of it and i don't know what to do. we're very poor and have always been. we owe 4 months rent right now as well as many other bills. the only reason we haven't been evicted is because my mom scared the landlord with a lawsuit over problems with the apartment. we don't even have food in the fridge half of the time. i just don't understand how my mom can put so much money into a game of chance. i wouldn't care that much if we had the money, but we don't. my family (my bro, my mom, and her bf) have been in this ongoing cycle where we'd become homeless every 3-4 years and end up living in the car or a shady motel. i'm only 19 but i feel like i'm stuck in this situation forever. i want to resolve this but she gets so defensive and angry when i bring up the issue. what can i do?", "answer": "[this faq may be of help](WEBLINK)  she gets defensive/angry because she is in denial of the problem, still thinks she might be able to gamble her way out of the financial hole.  there's probably little you can do to change her situation other than maintain your boundaries, and take care of yourself & brother.  you can open the door for your mother to seek help, but you can't push her through it; she needs to take her own steps.  /u/bluequail has given you a lot of helpful advice.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "1mw2o8", "comment_id": "1mw2o8"}, {"question": "urgent question about norco/tramadol after recent motorcycle accident", "description": "i was in a motorcycle accident about a month ago. it left me with some broken bones. i was prescribed tramadol for pain and took about three a day. one week ago i had surgery to screw some bones together and was placed on norco afterwards. fast forward to today. it's worth mentioning that i hardly ever drink and don't have a dependency on either drugs. 3 hours ago i took a norco and now i'm at a wedding reception where i had a jack-and-coke. it didn't occur to me until after the drink that it could be a problem. am i going to be ok? can i have a little more to drink? do i need to find help? thanks. ", "answer": "you'll live.  be careful next time - they are potent drugs to those that don't take them regularly.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "56jqoq", "comment_id": "56jqoq"}, {"question": "translating cancer jargon for my dad - help?", "description": "age: 65 sex: male height: 5\u201910\u201d weight: 200lbs race: white duration of complaint: 1 month location: upstate ny  **please note: i'm going into this already knowing the diagnosis.**  my dad has cancer. this part we know. however, he just went in for a pet scan and got a hell of a line of jargon thrown at him as \"results\", and we have no idea what the hell it means. he's 65, around 220lbs, and has small tumors in his neck and near his lungs (hopefully that's enough on the description).  here's what we need translated:  **\"hypermetabolic primary tumor of the right oropharynx with ipsilateral metastatic level 2 node. no suspicious distant metastatis.\"**  any help would be greatly appreciated here.", "answer": "hypermetabolic primary tumor of the right oropharynx with ipsilateral metastatic level 2 node. no suspicious distant metastatis.  hypermetabolic means it\u2019s more active than normal tissue. mostly of interest to oncologists.  oropharynx is part of the throat, so the primary or main tumor is a throat tumor.  ipsilateral means same side. this says that there\u2019s a level 2 lymph node (giving the location) that shows metastasis. the tumor has spread through the lymphatic system a short distance.  no distant metastasis means it hasn\u2019t spread farther. this imaging isn\u2019t showing tumor in lungs. that\u2019s a good thing!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cl47fl", "comment_id": "cl47fl"}, {"question": "sexually unfulfilled, feeling trapped. considering divorce.", "description": "throw away account. i\u2019m a 31, female, and i\u2019ve been married to my husband for four years. we\u2019ve been together for 8 years. no kids; own a condo. i\u2019m in a pickle and i don\u2019t know what to do. i\u2019m considering divorce because i feel i\u2019ve hit a wall.   i care about my husband a great deal. he\u2019s a good person and he\u2019s smart and funny. he cares about me and is invested in the marriage. the problem for me is my attraction to him and our sex life. the sex has always been a problem. he\u2019s obese and has always been overweight. i\u2019m not. it is uncomfortable for me and i bleed. i am not turned on by him or excited to be intimate. in fact, i avoid it. i dread it. i've cried during it.  leading up to our engagement he had been a regular at the gym for many months, had reduced his beer consumption a great deal and he was cultivating healthier habits. he was losing a lot of weight and looked great. i told him i was proud of him and encouraged him with positive feedback. after our engagement, he stopped going to the gym and has gained back all (if not more of) the weight. he has fallen into his old habits: drinking a lot and poor portion control. i\u2019ve encouraged him to change these habits. thankfully, he did quit smoking cigarettes--for which i had encouraged him and praised him for--but he smokes weed almost on a daily basis. i\u2019ve tried to encourage him to get back to the gym (go with me, i\u2019ll say), i\u2019ve encouraged him to cut back on the beer consumption and to watch his calorie intake. no dice. he constantly has the intention of losing weight, but doesn\u2019t do anything about it. i told him it\u2019s not about being skinny, it\u2019s about being healthy. it\u2019s gotten to the point, i feel, where my \u201cencouragement\u201d has turned to nagging.  owning a house, i felt it was important to have life insurance. i was approved for life insurance and he was not approved because of his weight. at that point, i basically forced his hand and said that he needed to see a nutritionist. i feel resentful. he led me to think, leading up to being engaged, that he was on track with his life and making good, healthy choices about his weight only to stop and return to old habits. he saw a nutritionist for a few months and now, he has stopped going. he still doesn\u2019t have life insurance. this makes me feel that i\u2019m financially fucked if he has a heart attack, aneurysm, or stroke and dies. he\u2019s covered financially if i die. i\u2019m not.   no, he\u2019s not depressed or dealing with mental illness. he has been overweight his entire life. i\u2019ve come to think he\u2019s happy with being overweight. he\u2019s said, \u201call the skinny people in my family are assholes.\u201d part of his identity, he\u2019s said, is being a \u201cfluffy guy\u201d. i mean, if he\u2019s happy about being that way, then i really shouldn\u2019t encourage him to change himself...i guess?  back to the sex part. he\u2019s never gotten me off with oral (i\u2019ve never gotten off from it--by anyone). he\u2019s not very skilled when it comes to sex. hell, maybe i\u2019m not either. we both never really slept around very much in our college days, but i have no problem pleasing him sexually (he says as much. in fact, he loves having sex with me). sex with him is painful and, frankly, boring. i am able to get myself to climax through masturbation with no problem at all. it\u2019s gotten to the point where i\u2019ll just masturbate and not even want him to participate because it\u2019s just easier for me to do it myself. i\u2019ve tried communicating to him about what i like, to no avail. i thought i was asexual during the years we dated because i just wasn\u2019t interested in having sex. now that i\u2019m 31, i\u2019m realizing i just never had *good* sex so i was never able to really explore and figure myself out. to top this all off, i\u2019ve come to realize that i\u2019d like to have sex with women. i\u2019m not gay, but i believe sexuality is on a spectrum and it\u2019s a desire i have, but he is not comfortable with me doing that. i\u2019m feeling resentful because he says he\u2019s sexually satisfied. he climaxes just about every single time we\u2019re intimate. i don\u2019t. i don\u2019t even climax half the time. it got to the point where, several years ago, i suggested we see a sex therapist--or some kind of professional to help us out. he refused and said they would only tell us to have sex on a more frequent basis. only this past winter did he finally agree when i was at my wit\u2019s end and had nagged him enough about it that he felt our marriage was enough on the rocks and he finally agreed to go.  the counseling isn\u2019t helping our sex life. my husband says that i need to change my attitude and that we just need to keep communicating and working on it. i\u2019m tired. i feel having been a nag about so many things, and his unwillingness (or lack of desire) to work on his health, has impacted my attraction to him. i don\u2019t like to nag, i don\u2019t like being that person. i suggested opening up the marriage and he doesn\u2019t want to do that. he just says we need to keep working on things. keep working on things means that i am continuing to be sexually unfulfilled while he is sexually fulfilled.   i feel the way i have come to view him is that of a friend. i care about him, but i don\u2019t have the desire to be intimate with him. and isn\u2019t that the only line that distinguishes a friend from a lover: someone you want to fuck vs. not?  i don\u2019t want to hurt him, but i feel trapped. and if you don\u2019t want to fuck your spouse, then what the hell are you doing?   tl;dr--been married for 4 years, together for 8. not attracted to obese husband. no sex life, sexually unfulfilled despite several routes taken including counseling. considering divorce.   thank you for any thoughts you might have.  edit: can someone explain why this was downvoted to zero points? am i missing something? i'm obviously not here to collect karma points, but to get thoughts and suggestions from others, but i'm just confused. is this not the right sub for this question/situation...or what?", "answer": "sounds like you've thought it through and come to a reasonable conclusion. he's not going to change.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vsdv2", "comment_id": "6vsdv2"}, {"question": "ongoing double vision- anxiety related? brain cancer? death imminent? [long]", "description": "age- 22 sex- m height- 5'9\" (175cm) weight 200lbs (91kg) race- multiracial duration of complaint- 1 year location (geographic and on body)- eastern u.s, eyes/ head any existing relevant medical issues (if any)- autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, adhd, generalized anxiety disorder current medications (if any)- none include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)- none  hey internet,  first off, i'll concede fully that i know getting medical help over the internet isn't necessarily a good idea and that i should probably just go to a doctor but i'm afraid of what they'll tell me.  sometime last year, i noticed i was having double vision. i was hungover, typing something, and it didn't go away. i more or less spent the next month constantly panicked, worried i'd developed some kind of neurological disease. i eventually went to the best neuro opthalmologist in my state (last february), and his words fell along the lines of \"i can't see anything wrong with your eyes.\" what the fuck does he know, right?  anyways, it never really went away and i'm sweating in my desk at work now certain i have glioblastoma or something and i'll fall dead on the train tracks before i get squished into meat paste. within the past week or so, the \"ghost image\" i've been seeing feels like its translating to stuff i touch- like two pieces of gum next to each other in my mouth or two thumbs on my phone when i'm scrolling. like there's two of my body next to each other.  also my eyes are really dry, and my right eye twitches often.  i have a lot of stressors/ work tasks i can't really move around so if this is anxiety gone wild idfk how i'll deal with it.  help a brother out, i guess?", "answer": "did you have an mri done? ct?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "asb02e", "comment_id": "asb02e"}, {"question": "i want to be social but can\u2019t put in the energy.", "description": "basically , the title describes it. i am going through some depression and anxiety , and on antidepressants. i want to have a close relationship with my friends - but i feel i don\u2019t have the energy to put in the effort. and the few often times i do put in an effort, i feel i come across as needy or because i\u2019m not consistent, my efforts don\u2019t entirely work. i am forever stuck in this cycle between wanting to have good friends , doing a bit about it and then getting disappointed in myself. what do i do?? ", "answer": "some folks find scheduling things to be really helpful, even phone calls.  this day/time (when it's naturally convenient for you) i'm going to call or text to touch base with friends.  try your best not to deviate from it.     try to set plans in advance and don't cancel.  some people love constantly trying to meet up with friends and do things spur of the moment, others need scheduling.  figure out which suits you best and act accordingly whenever possible.     always remember, all good friendships start out as very superficial acquaintances.  if you're someone who has a hard time dealing with this, just know you have to push through for some time and not expect those returns you get from long lasting deeper friendships.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pcgbb", "comment_id": "8pcgbb"}, {"question": "how to learn what moves/motivates people?", "description": "hey guys. how are you?   i am trying to get new friends and i have a few acquaintances, from the gym for example, who i would really like to become closer. there is one person who i think we would be great friends, i have known him for a few months. but, still i can't make a friend of him nor talk too much of things outside gym stuff or college stuff (we go to the same college). i have tried inquiring a bit on why he has chosen the specific career to try and see what moves him, but he just said that he picked it because of the job opportunities. i would really like to know what moves people so i can have a stronger base on what to talk and see if we share some more interests. what are some good ways? i don't know about just asking, i would like it to flow more naturally.   thanks a lot for taking the time to read.     sincerely,   marcos", "answer": "asking is the best way and the most natural!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m5i04", "comment_id": "6m5i04"}, {"question": "im [20/f] and my mother has terminal cancer, sister [17/f] is quite severely autistic and father [50/m] is abusive. what on earth do i do?", "description": "my mother has been suffering from cancer for the past year and has recently begun felling hopeless and thinking about giving up because she feels like she doesnt have enough support from us (mostly my father). my father treats us all like slaves, and even expects my dying mother to still make him food and clean the house, and he also expects the same from me and my sister. if we ever tell him to do something to help he becomes abusive and leaves the house. if we dont do what he wants he clears out the food from the kitchen and keeps it all for himself leaving us with nothing. im 20 years old so i can leave at anytime, and my dad has no legal obligation to care for me, but my sister is 17 and severely autistic. she has trouble interacting with almost everyone and cant spend time away from home (she has 4 therapy dogs that keep her company). i dont think we have any family that would be willing to take care of her when my mother passes on, so i feel like i will have to stay with her and my dad to take care of her. i feel trapped in this situation and dont see any way out of it. what can i do?", "answer": "please consult with autism social service agencies in your area.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6td8zo", "comment_id": "6td8zo"}, {"question": "are you a woman with borderline personality disorder who would be interested in sharing your story for an article?", "description": "what is it like living with borderline personality disorder? hellogiggles is looking for women to share their firsthand experiences in a paragraph or two for an article that we hope will help spread awareness. if you are interested in contributing and comfortable with including your first name (i can always make up a fake name), age, and location (just state if you're in the us), please contact me and i can send you more information privately. thank you very much in advance!", "answer": "just curious, why just women? why not males as well? ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "8jv9uo", "comment_id": "8jv9uo"}, {"question": "how do low income folks afford therapy? should i spend my savings?", "description": "i'm not in debt (yet), late 20s living in north america... no insurance for psych stuff... but i am leaning to therapy as a possible last resort- depression is kind of crushing me. good idea? bad idea? waste of time?  nothing else i've tried seems to do the trick- meds (prescribed by general doctor, group cbt/dbt, change of jobs, etc.) i'm pretty lost, reddit. ", "answer": "masters level mental health counselor here:  some places offer sliding scale, or see if a local university which offers graduate programs in counseling provides community services.  all masters students have to get a certain number of practice hours before they graduate; it will still be quality counseling, people just need the experience, so they'll give it for free or cheap!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3jb66g", "comment_id": "3jb66g"}, {"question": "my girlfriends response to one of her male friends asking about her relationship", "description": "so i've been in a relationship for about four months with this girl, and a couple days back when we were laying together i happened to notice a message from one of her friends whose a guy ask how the dating is going. (who i know had a fling with her a year back) her repsonse to him was: sorta kinda, we've been talking for a while. she then proceeded to tell him her parents liked him more than i.  am i just an overthinking pos?", "answer": "if you think you've been in a relationship with her for four months and she thinks \" sort of kinda we've been talking for a while \",  then there's a big disconnect here", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swr05", "comment_id": "5swr05"}, {"question": "not sure what to do hug gone wrong and rejection", "description": "the only therapist i have had and after a misunderstanding i asked for a hug and he just asked are you sure you will be ok with it and it really was not a hug at all. he put his arms around me but it was like he made a circle around me with his arms and i would not count or say it was a hug at all. i felt i needed it to reconnect like all was ok again but i think he was very uncomfortable with it and now i wish he had just said no.  fast forward two session later which was today. (i put a new post up about it). i was talking about how i wish he could comfort me and make the hurt go away and i wish he could just hug me. he said with a very firm and seemed semi scared voice, \"i will not be going over there to hug you.\" i am wondering if it was because he is just freaked out by hugging a patient in general. i feel bad and wish i had never said that nor asked for a hug two weeks ago when i almost stopped seeing him. i wish he had simply said no. coincidentally it was after he did this chair activity where i talked to my mom. i told \"her\" how she never protected me, comforted me and how she never hugged me and when i would reach up to her she would ignore me and turn away. she would not hug me nor provide nurturing contact so his comment really stung.  do i dare bring this up in my next session. i have so many awful feelings about what happened: shame, guilt, rejection and i feel like i did something (initially asking for a hug and the non hug hug like i was doing something wrong to him. what do i do? i am so confused?", "answer": "it\u2019s not you it\u2019s him. idk if you\u2019re male, female, or nonbinary, but any of those options can be part of it. a lot of therapists don\u2019t do physical contact because they don\u2019t want any ethical or legal issues. if you\u2019re a female or nonbinary he might have that fear that it could lead to some kind of ethical/legal violation. if you\u2019re a male, female, or nonbinary he might be weird about hugging because of his own stuff regarding hugging someone outside of his family or someone of the same sex (if male). perhaps he\u2019s got some past trauma that makes him uncomfortable with hugging or physical touch (therapists have their own stuff too). that\u2019s more about him than you whatever the reason. some people aren\u2019t huggers and in the therapist role may be even more uncomfortable with it. hugging in general is always a consent based thing just like any physical contact. it\u2019s ok for people to say no and we just have to accept that they have their reasons for why. that being said he didn\u2019t handle it in the best way. the comment about \u201ci\u2019m not coming over there to hug you\u201d seems pretty harsh and could definitely have been done differently. he should have reflected your emotions and the need for a hug due to not having hugs from your mom when you needed them. then he could have gone deeper with how that still affects you now. i\u2019m sorry this has been so hard on you and i feel for you needing the warm contact of a hug in those moments. it may be something to talk about with him and explore how you felt with him and how it felt with your mom or others in your life.  if he is a jerk about it or doesn\u2019t handle it in a way that is helpful for you it might be time to seek out someone new who is able/more comfortable in giving you a hug that feels helpful (not awkward) when you ask for one.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "falqev", "comment_id": "falqev"}, {"question": "should i take a class that has a lot of public speaking despite being bad at it.", "description": "i've always been bad at presenting in front of others. it has gotten better, the last presentation i did my voice shoke and i stumbled on some words, but it's better than years ago when i nearly cried in front of class and couldn't get a word out.  for my new class a presentation is required nearly every week, but if i take it online i won't have to present in front of class.  i'm thinking about choosing the in-class, as i want to get better at presenting, but i'm not sure if it will actually help.  sorry kind of long, but if anyone has experience or know something then advice is appreciated.", "answer": "the point of a class is to learn. i think it would really benefit you if you took it in person - the best way to get better at these things is to practice until it feels \"normal\" to do it.   also pro-tip: fake it till you make it. pretend to be someone who is confident, and you will look confident even if you screw up. big-name politicians and public speakers misspeak sometimes too. and nobody will be thinking about your presentation 5 minutes after you're done, they'll mostly be concerned with their own presentations anyway. you got this!", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "eovnqe", "comment_id": "eovnqe"}, {"question": "kick start sunday", "description": " # let's make a plan!  this week's kick start sunday is brought to you by the letters 'adhd'.  ---  >  \"it's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,\" the queen remarked. > > *\u2014 lewis carroll, through the looking-glass*  ---  **some advice to start with:**  * keep it simple and short.  we're trying to get stuff done, not have a lot to get done.  * prioritize your list  * plan some reward time for yourself when you get tasks done.  * there are some things that you're good at off your medicine and some things you can only do on them.  if you can identify them you can plan to do them at the easiest time for you.  ---  **examples from previous weeks:**  * order new shoes.   * survive through finals.  * cook and eat at least two meals a day... *every* day of the week.   * work on coping strategies x minutes a day.  * spend meaningful one on one time with each child.   * get ready and *leave the house* for *any* reason.  ---  ## other weekly threads  **join us for our other exciting weekly threads!**  *[win wednesday](WEBLINK)* - come together and celebrate our accomplishments!  *[finish it friday](WEBLINK)* - get one more thing done before the weekend!  ---------------------------------------------  **tl;dr: make a plan today, come brag about getting it done on wednesday, or finish it on friday.** ", "answer": " * ~~order a few necessities from amazon~~  * dishes  * laundry (mine + hers)  * 5 days of exercise  * duolingo streak to 12 days on friday ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "7wsgnq", "comment_id": "7wsgnq"}, {"question": "[help] does anyone here have any experience of emdr?", "description": "someone suggested that i try it but as its not on the nhs i feel like i need to know more before i pursue it. so anyone? any experiences or useful nuggets of information?", "answer": "it's essentially exposure therapy and some other tried & true therapeutic techniques with extra (unscientific) stuff tossed in to make it seem fancy. it has some research evidence to show that it works, however it is not for the reason they claim.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "1d8spv", "comment_id": "1d8spv"}, {"question": "i'm [21/f] feeling emotionally manipulated by boyfriend [22/m] because of isolation", "description": "hi everyone, so my boyfriend and i have been going out for about a year. both in college, and the relationship used to be going well. we would hang out once in a while, we were friendly, and used to do fun things together. and then as the months progressed, he became increasingly more emotionally unstable. he cut himself, a lot of times in front of me. he dealt with depression, but refused to seek help for it. he also began to complain anytime that i had plans because that would be \"less time with him.\" i'm on a dance team and he even wished i wouldn't get into any competitions because then i'd have more time with him. i've asked him for space, and he makes an effort to try and give me a couple hours everyday. however, he mocks me for it all the time and makes light of many things he says like \"is this supportive like you want\" and things like that.   he also used to check through my phone to make sure i didn't text anyone without him knowing, or make any plans without him knowing. i've felt increasingly isolated and had more anxiety as a result, which i already suffered from. i know i have to leave, but i can see why abusive relationships are so hard to leave. you are somehow incapable of thinking you are ok being on your own, and that scares me. i still have somewhere in the back of the head saying i deserve better. yet this feeling that i can't handle my life without him overwhelms me. again, sure sign that i need help.  therapists haven't helped in the past, and any of them at my school haven't helped me overcome it. any thoughts?   ", "answer": "you deserve better.  the most important thing any young adult should learn is how to be happy alone. if you're happy alone, then you become very selective about who you date, because if it doesn't work, you can go back to being happy alone. if you're starving, macdonald's tastes pretty good!  if you're not starving, you can be more patient about finding the best.  this fellow has emotional problems. if therapy didn't help, he either went to  a bad therapist, or he didn't work at it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ma6q9", "comment_id": "5ma6q9"}, {"question": "am i [f-35] overreacting bc of my depression? is he [m-39] being unsupportive, or is this normal?", "description": "tl;dr:i have depression and have been feeling suicidal. my boyfriend didn't check in to see how i am doing. am i overreacting? am i maybe just letting the depression cloud my judgement?   hi there. i\u2019m at a really low point with my clinical depression, and therefore, i am having a hard time knowing if what i think and feel is rational, or if i am overreacting.   i would really be so thankful if you could read the situation and tell me if i am just letting the depression cloud my judgement. this might seem like a petty question\u2026 but i feel like i\u2019m on the verge of breaking up with him over it\u2026. so please just answer with compassion if you can.   my depression is out of control lately (i\u2019m going to see my psychiatrist next week to get it addressed because i have been very suicidal), and i think my boyfriend is losing interest in me. i don\u2019t know for sure, though. i can\u2019t tell if i am only interpreting things negatively because i am looking at situations from a dark perspective.   yesterday, i told him my depression is worsening. i told him i was feeling suicidal this weekend. we work in the same office, and he saw that all day long i was in a low mood. i even had a crying attack during lunch with him, and i couldn\u2019t stop crying.   he came and kissed me goodbye before he left the office for the day. i was feeling absolutely awful when i got home, so bad that i just went in my bed with my dog and couldn\u2019t stop crying (for basically no reason) for a few hours. i wanted to text him, but i didn\u2019t want to seem clingy or overemotional\u2026 and plus, the effort required to pick up my phone and text just seemed like too arduous an undertaking. (anyone with severe clinical depression will understand how just getting out of bed to grab the phone and write a text can feel like climbing the himalayas.)   i was hoping that he would reach out and text me, just to see how i was doing. because after all, i had told him how bad the depression was. however, he never contacted me last night. finally, around midnight, i mustered the motivation to get out of bed to text him and say \u201ci love you, i hope you had a good night.\u201d he usually goes to bed around 11, so i knew he wouldn\u2019t get back to me until morning.   he did get back to me around 7:30 am just to say his night was fine and \u201ci love you.\u201d but what kills me (and here\u2019s where i don\u2019t know if i am overreacting) is this: i saw that on his youtube username, he made several posts between 6:45 - 7:30 am. so he woke up, wrote long posts to strangers \u2026 and then thought: oh, let me now write a quick 8-word text to my girlfriend, who is suicidal.   that is how i am interpreting the situation. i don\u2019t know if i am overreacting, but this makes me feel like shit. he was busy last night because he has his cousin in town, but it hurts me that he couldn\u2019t spend even 45 seconds to check in.   (just fyi: we have been together for 3 years, we are in our mid 30s, he has told me he wants to be with me long-term \u2014 so this hasn\u2019t been some casual fling.)   i know it\u2019s annoying for people without depression to deal with a depressed person. i think i sense him getting annoyed\u2026 but i just don\u2019t know if maybe i am overacting because i feel so low.  am i overreacting? am i just letting the depression color my view in a negative way? or should i be worried that he is losing interest?", "answer": "he should always check in if you're depressed and suicidal. please go to the hospital now if you're having suicidal thoughts.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vkqv2", "comment_id": "5vkqv2"}, {"question": "i say \u201coi\u201d a lot as an expression and don\u2019t like swearing. what are some words i can use instead of \u201coi\u201d to act surprised, mad, or impressed?", "description": "edit: i\u2019m american so i have no reason to say \u201coi\u201d", "answer": "rats!  egads!  well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "cxa6o7", "comment_id": "cxa6o7"}, {"question": "confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "anon account bc it's my first post and i'm nervously new to reddit.   but i've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. i want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who i am thoroughly, and i feel like weed is a big part of my journey that i don't want to leave out.   is my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "if you're in the united states, (this varies very slightly depending on which state you're in)   everything you say in the therapist's office is kept confidential.  there are just a few exceptions.  if you tell them you are going to hurt/kill yourself or someone else, that confidentiality is broken to see if you need a higher level of care.  any information about a child who is being abused or neglected must be reported.  some of the information you share may be shared with the clinicians supervisor in order to help them better work with you.  other than those things, everything else is kept confidential unless you sign a release stating what information can be shared with which particular person.     that's basically the info i give to every client i work with in the first session.  something important to consider though is that this info pertains to adults only.  if you are a minor, therapists are able to share information with parents at their own discretion.  different states have different ages for this though.  for instance in pa where i practice, the age of consent for mental health services is 14.  that means anyone 14 or older is essentially given all the same rights as an adult.   earlier in my career i've worked with clients who were former gang members and some individuals who would tell me stories that if i broke confidentiality and shared, could very possible lead to very loooooooooong sentences.  since they didn't appear to be currently a danger to themselves or others, and didn't involve children, it wasn't reportable.    ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "a6wkgp"}, {"question": "hepatitis results - what does it mean?", "description": "female  5'7  220 pounds  caucasian canadian     ​  i recently went in to get sti/std testing. the following results came back and i'm waiting for the clinic to open to go talk to someone perhaps but hoping for a little insight to avoid worrying.     **hepatitis b immunity -** hepatitis b surface ab \\[hbsab\\]    **results: 6.4**     **hepatitis b -** hepatitis b surface ag \\[hbsag\\]    **results: not detected**     **hepatitis c -** hepatitis c ab   **results: not detected**     does this means i don't have it, but am immune to it? i've been trying to look up what the 6.4 means but haven't been having much luck in fully understanding.      thanks! :)   ", "answer": "hbsab indicates immunity, usually from immunization. a level of 6.4 is not a strong indicator of immunity, though. it might be worth rechecking and possibly re-vaccinating.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9pj1jo", "comment_id": "9pj1jo"}, {"question": "my friends hate an ex, and i am considering getting back with her. what do?", "description": "so i met this party girl, heavy drinking, lying, super promiscuous. my dumb ass thinks it a good idea to get into a relationship. nine months later, as expected it crashes and burns.    two months no contact.  recently made up and there is a possibility of maybe getting back together.  i really feel she has changed in huge ways from her old lifestyle, but i could just be a dumbass. added difficulty: all my friends hate her with a passion. hers hate me as well.  is there any chance this could work?    friends answers are biased, please help me out reddit. thank you.  **edit** thanks everyone for the advice. i knew you all would not let me down. many thanks to reddit for giving me a kick in the ass when i need it. what the fuck was i thinking?", "answer": "in my experience, i could date a serial killer and my guy friends wouldn't give a rat's red behind. if a bunch of dudes don't like someone, chances are nearly 100% that person is a complete idiot.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "nxkko", "comment_id": "nxkko"}, {"question": "i'm replacing weed with alcohol and that is not good", "description": "when i am in boston for my last semester of school, i literally do not know what to do with myself on the weekends. during the week i get out of the house and am so busy so smoking temptations are not present. on the weekend, i have nothing to occupy my time, and i am drinking more. the temptation to smoke is so much higher as well.  any tips for surviving the weekends? today is day 6. i'm gonna head back to bed for a nap and hopefully when j wake up i will be motivated to do stuff.   update: day 7 without weed, day 1 without alcohol. i didn't accomplish as much as i wanted to this weekend, but i am feeling so much better about myself. going to read a book before bed, give myself some relaxing time before i go to sleep. i feel absolutely amazing at the end of a hard weekend.", "answer": "you can't just expect to remove a large part of your life that involved habit and self comfort, without having a replacement. something healthy. friends, family, a relationship,  sports or gym  or exercise, etc... something to occupy your time", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "42b65f", "comment_id": "42b65f"}, {"question": "nearly choked out the office with smoke at lunch today", "description": "backstory: i took my last pill yesterday and couldn't refill my prescription that afternoon because my discount card expired, so today i'm unmedicated. the past 8 weeks straight have been intensely stressful with a project at work that goes live tomorrow night, so i'm pretty exhausted.   so after spending the morning meeting and running some finalizing tests, i used part of my lunch break to run to my doctor's office to pick up a new discount card so i could refill my prescription this afternoon. with i got back i figured i'd just make the ramen i brought in real quick and continue working while eating.  i get into the break room, and first thing i have to do is wash my bowl because i didn't get to it yesterday. so i wash and dry it, thinking through all the steps i need to do, and then open the package and break up the noodles into the bowl. i then move my stuff over by the microwave, and start heading up the food.   i'm just sitting there by the microwave while it runs, looking at my phone. a coworker comes in and makes themselves a bowl of cereal and walks out. i then start smelling smoke and at first think it was her since she's a smoker, but then look over to the microwave and panic. i stop it and open the door, where a huge cloud of smoke comes out.  i forgot to fill it with water.  the room quickly fills with smoke and the smell of charred ramen, and partially into the corporate area (the break room is down a hallway along with the single-occupant bathrooms, connecting the warehouse and corporate). i their the now melting bowl into the sink and run the water on it, close the door for corporate and open the door for the warehouse, and turn on the bathroom fans.  the office as well as my clothes still have a lingering burning smell, though it's died down from \"volcanic ash hole\" to \"marshmallow burnt in a campfire\".   how's your day been?", "answer": "don\u2019t feel too bad, i set the landscaping at my office on fire once. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ah2int", "comment_id": "ah2int"}, {"question": "im 16 in highschool, and i cannot do homework.", "description": "all through out my highschool ive never done work outside of school. it usually works itself out, as imo, i'm intelligent and able to just crank it out in class. but today, a 100+ point project is do. we've had well over a month to work on it, and i haven't even looked at it. we got 0 time to work on it in class otherwise it would be done. i just can't motivate myself to get off my pc/xbox/phone and get to work. i'm annoyed because i have an a in every class but this one,(english) not do to misunderstanding, english is ez but the teacher loves outside work. the project is on a book(the book thief) i don't even own the book. i know i did this to myself. and i deserve what happens. if anyone has anything that may help in the future, i'd deeply appreciate it.  tl;dr i didn't do my work, and typing it out helps me put things in perspective. also i want advice.  edit: (added a tl;dr)it is now later in the day, about 10pm for me, and i'm half way done with the project, turns out it was easy. sort of a slap in the face, but whatever. i will finish it and ask for half credit. wish me luck. still happy to accept advice.", "answer": "i struggled with that too and realized that i was not focusing on starting a project but finishing it. that can make it feel very overwhelming and would lead me to procrastination or what is called \"paralysis of will\". instead i focused on spending 20 minutes on the assignment a day...whether it is reading or doing an outline etc. it was less overwhelming at that point and i knew that i could get back to \"fun\" in just 20 minutes.  i know this may not help you now but could be useful in the future", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "61rkcq", "comment_id": "61rkcq"}, {"question": "spam alert", "description": "hi everyone!   /r/socialskills has been getting a significant influx of blatant spam posts recently, so i wanted to give everyone a quick reminder to use your report buttons! while your mod team does our best to proactively remove spam, the reddit hive mind is always going to do a better job than any individual moderator at quickly spotting spam.   so please do report spammers (or other inappropriate posts) when you see them -- it goes a long way towards helping us keep /r/socialskills safe for everyone to use. [thanks guys](WEBLINK)!", "answer": "i'll leave this stickied for the rest of the day and will unsticky it tonight.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "5pxqnk", "comment_id": "5pxqnk"}, {"question": "[25/unsure about gender?] trouble making friends", "description": "hi r/relationship_advice. first time posting here, still really new to reddit in general (3 weeks-ish). i'll try to keep this short.  2016 absolutely wrecked me. i feel like i went from having it all to having basically nothing (and i've been homeless before. 2014 still wasn't this bad in comparison). a relationship of mine [19/f] became untenable after a year back in april, because i realized the person did not appreciate anything i did for them and they would rather yell at me when other people fell through instead of accepting my advice and help. i learned in the process that it is not a good idea to date someone who you act as a mentor figure towards.  that person then proceeded to spread lies about me on social media, yes, *that* familiar story. that would have been easy to deal with because the internet is not my life, but i had to move shortly after that. twice. in three months. fairweather friends fell through, and long-time friends became distant. the online rumor mill got worse, and, long story short, i cannot go back to the websites on which i once had many friends.  and, not that i ever really had any \"friends\" through my job, but i was also fired from my job of 7 years (for reasons i will not disclose) back in october. i got a new job two weeks later, but it's a completely different environment--i went from retail to chipotle. i get along with my coworkers, but it feels like they have a social circle i can't get into for whatever reason.  i have lived in this current position since august. the only upside to my social life is that i have a new girlfriend [20/f], someone who has remained my only regular-contact friend throughout everything. but at my age, i know it is unhealthy for a relationship when one partner has nobody else to talk to.  i'm an outgoing person, really. but after the barrage of hits to my life over the past year, i'm kind of in a daze, and lately i find myself feeling heartbroken, even though i do have a loving girlfriend. it's unfamiliar to me to be in a position where i can honestly say i have no friends. i don't have a lot of money, so i can't really go out to bars, or anything like that. i kind of just... go to work, go home, and on off days, i go to the store and then go home.  **tl;dr 2016 wrecked my social life. outgoing person with no money, no car, new job, and no friends. sad! what do?**", "answer": "have you checked out meetup.com ? a great way to meet people and pursue interests.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oez0k", "comment_id": "5oez0k"}, {"question": "looking for a therapist/physiologist", "description": "hi there everyone! my girlfriend and i are both looking to find a therapist or physiologist (not really sure the difference) for each of us individually. will we need a referral first? i\u2019m not really sure where to look to find one, is googling it really our best bet? is there a vetting website of some kind to use? we are in portland oregon.   i\u2019m not sure how important this is but my girlfriend currently sees her family doctor for anxiety medication but it only helps a little. she\u2019s never been to a therapist and will be very nervous to open up to a stranger so i want to make sure it\u2019s going to be a positive experience. when i was a teenager i saw a therapist off and on (i fell into the \u201ci feel better better so i don\u2019t need to keep going/taking my medication\u201d cycle). i\u2019m nervous that since i\u2019ve started and stopped a few times that they will think i was selling my medication (i was on adderall) and will be hesitant to see me or prescribe me anything. any advice is really appreciated!", "answer": "start by looking through a couple therapist directories. psychology today and goodtherapy are good places to start. type in your zip code and a couple near you and start reading some profiles. you can also narrow down your results if you are looking for some specifics. you can also find their websites and things through those sites. you are also free to shoot any prospectives emails through the site asking any questions you would like.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "efym2h", "comment_id": "efym2h"}, {"question": "coming off meds", "description": "i am male 38yrs old,  height 6'0\" i weigh 260lbs idon't smoke... i have been diagnosed bi-polar, ptsd, and general anxiety disorder. possibly bpd as well.  i am trying to come off of my meds because i feel like crap all the time, i am basically a zombie.  ​  i've taken lots of different meds, some worked better than others but ultimately failed. i'm currently on lithium, keppra, seroquel and (klonopin as needed). i always feel like crap and my thoughts were to taper off and keep seroquel and/or klonopin as emergency pills... the rest of the pills eventually id like to be done with. my replacement would be exercise and diet. is this a bad idea? i mean, even while i was on depakote a while back, i almost took my own life so, how bad can it really get?  i am tired of meds. also, these meds i'm taking are fairly new... within 3 months so, it shouldn't be a difficult withdraw. any thoughts on this... if i left out info i'm sorry and would respond asap. thank you in advance.", "answer": "it sounds like your condition is pretty serious. i, nor anyone else on the internet, can advise you to change your medication regimine, nor can anyone predict the outcome of doing so.  i strongly encourage that you discuss your concerns with your doctor. even with a slow taper, you may experience some pretty serious consequences.   tapering off meds should always be done under the supervision and guidance of a physician/provider.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bkxxtz", "comment_id": "bkxxtz"}, {"question": "said something completely retarded.", "description": "holy fuck. i was talking to a girl and she asked me why i wanted to take german. i fucking said \"i have a fascination with nazis\" instead of saying i like history. holy. fuck. her face went completely blank. what the fuck is wrong with me!  edit: sorry for the inappropriate title. made this post right when it happened... can't think when i'm anxious ", "answer": "we all fuck up from time to time.  this fuck up won't end your life or make you a loser forever.  it will be quickly forgotten about and all parties involved will move on.  you can choose to move on as well.    what did we learn today?  you have a fascination with history and world war ii and you want to be able to study primary sources.  or you are of german heritage and want to learn more about your heritage.  lots of explanations work and will work in the future because you won't make that mistake twice.    you can always go back and explain yourself and try to dig out of it.  worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and she continues to ignore you.    there are other girls that will be interested in you and as long as you can learn, you will get better at finding that one person that is right for you.    edit:  the answer of \"i like history\" doesn't work that well because depending on your preferred historical period you could be studying greek, latin, french, or spanish.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6a749s", "comment_id": "6a749s"}, {"question": "seeking help for my mental state has ruined my job prospects. i live in america.", "description": "so as the title says, seeking help for my mental health has done nothing but ruin it further by landing me in severe, crippling debt and ruining my job prospects.  a little back story.   first off: i skipped college. wasn't really an issue, as i've always been a trade guy anyway. had some skills right out the bat, put them to good use. land a sick government job, good benefits, good pay. start saving for flight school, everything's going well.  then i'm suicidal. the reason i was is a long, long story but chock it up to a failing marriage.  so, under my mother's behest, i go to a mental ward for two weeks. admittedly, one of the best mental health experiences of my life. however, there's a problem. i'm diagnosed bipolar 2, and am given antidepressants as well as a mood stabilizer. at the time, i didnt know the damage this would cause.  i lost my job at the government as soon as they found out why i was out for so long. i had to tell them, i couldn't just not explain why i was gone for two weeks or i was gonna loose my job anyway, but basically i was low key thought to be a liability now. so i was laid off. then, i failed the faa ame physical. bipolar is an automatic fail. what sucks is i've honestly never shown bipolar tendencies or traits. never had mania. my therapist suspects it was a billing diagnosis but funny about that as my insurance barely covered any if it. i'm still like, 40,000 in debt. but now i can't fly, ever, unless i get reevaluated, which i don't have the money to do.  just recently, i tried to get into trucking, or welding. both denied me on account of the medicine i'm taking, as it causes drowsiness.   so basically, im fucked to work at mcdonalds now. i literally have almost no other options other then retail drone, as i can't afford a doctor and lost my insurance with my government job.  in short, my life is ruined, all because i tried to help myself.   god bless the usa.  any advice would be great.", "answer": "therapist here.  sounds like the way things went down was an awful experience. sorry it happened. =/  i have a few active military on my caseload, some of whom i have diagnosed with bipolar disorder (i and ii). i have not had a single issue with their command holding their diagnosis against them. they are free to use firearms, fly planes, and work on heavy machinery. also still have their security clearances. all they've asked is that each of them keep their symptoms managed through therapy and medication, and they are free to continue. most of them are doing quite well, actually!  while it is true that there still very much is a stigma in working a government job (not even just military) when diagnosed with something, it is not the end-all-be-all.  did you take fmla when leaving for your two weeks? you have no obligation to tell your job the specifics of your absence, especially if you were approved for fmla. that's something i always approach carefully when working with in those high-risk types of jobs; i often times will hear that jobs will pressure their workers into telling them what happened.  if you feel you have been wrongly diagnosed with bipolar disorder ii, you are free to request the diagnosing provider to amend the medical record. that is within your right to do, and that may help if the diagnosis itself is what was in the way of you failing the faa ame.   however, do note that bipolar disorder ii does not have mania within it's criteria: it stipulates that you experience hypo-mania, which can look drastically different depending on the symptoms. bipolar i is what includes mania. hypo-manic symptoms include things like excessive energy, lack of need for sleep, little to no appetite, difficulty concentrating, rapid speech at times, excessive spending, hypersexuality, and increase in risk-taking behaviors. it does not really include losing touch with reality.  keep working with your therapist to explore further what options you might have for you with your skillset. best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e02ixu", "comment_id": "e02ixu"}, {"question": "husband has a bunch of nonspecific, disabling symptoms. desperate for any answers.", "description": "my husband, a white male, 155 lbs, 5'11, has had a bunch of strange nonspecific symptoms since last november. he is diagnosed with celiac disease, delayed sleep phase disorder, depression, and anxiety. he takes .5 mg klonopin daily, no other medications currently. he follows a strict gluten free diet. we monitored his blood sugar for a week, and it's normal. his resting heart rate and blood pressure are normal. he doesn't report any pain.  the symptoms he reports are as follows:  hands and feet almost always cold  feet often sweaty  wake up feeling hot  sleep starts and observed plmd  bruxism when sleeping  very little appetite, have to force myself to eat breakfast  sudden extreme hunger with hot flashes  erectile dysfunction  decreased libido  fatigue, lethargy  brain fog  forgetfulness  walking and light exercise is exhausting  acquired caffeine sensitivity, less than 30mg produces effects similar to two or more cups of coffee  difficulty focusing vision  additionally, i've noticed clumsiness and stumbling over the past few months. no falls yet, but a lot of close calls. the fatigue is extreme and i've seen him have difficulty getting up to get things from across the room. he also used to be very sharp with a great memory, but recently i have to tell him things many times and he still forgets. the last week, he's spent a lot of time in bed and if we do go out (say, to the grocery store to pick up 2-3 things) he'll be exhausted for the rest of the day.  i'm really worried and any suggestions would be welcome. he's seeing a general physician next week but due to the lack of specificty to his symptoms, i'm concerned he won't be taken seriously.  ​  a little additional info straight from him regarding medication history:  \"after taking gabapentin 300mg 3x a day for two years i developed some of these symptoms, mainly the plmd and sleep starts, along with symptoms thought to be diabetes insipidus, excessive thirst, excessive urination, dilute urine. i rapidly discontinued the gabapentin. i did not stop cold turkey, but the taper was much faster than would normally be recommended. during and after the taper, the symptoms got much worse, along with fasciculations and paraesthesias all over my body, and other symptoms similar to benzodiazepine withdrawal. the symptoms slowly resolved themselves over months. magnesium citrate 200mg before bed and a b-vitamin complex seemed to alleviate some of the symptoms for a time. over a year passed and the symptoms i am complaining of now started showing up, in about november of last year, after what i presume was a severe viral infection, either the flu or something like it. the chronic symptoms persisted after the symptoms of acute infection had passed. the cold hands and feet symptom is particularly new, previously i had the opposite problem, my hands and feet were always hot and sweaty, even in cool weather.  ​  after reading an examination of literature on l-tyrosine by a sleep specialist, i tried taking 250mg before bed for a few days, and this seemed to resolve the plmd and i was able to sleep well for the first time in months. i also tried l-arginine thinking it would improve circulation but found its effects at the recommended dosages uncomfortable (1 to 3 grams per day made me hot, sweaty, itchy, nauseous, and gave me a headache). since the l-tyrosine resulted in marked improvement of plmd and sleep starts, it would lead me to believe that these symptoms are dopamine-mediated (true plmd is thought to be associated with parkinsons). however, it did not resolve all of my symptoms. it is also difficult to sort out which symptoms may be the result of chronic sleep deprivation, and which may be the manifestations of an insidious disease. because the symptoms came on slowly, are varied and nonspecific, and effect my cognition, it has been difficult to keep track of them.  ​  i reduced my klonopin dosage from 0.75mg to 0.625mg about 3 months ago, and then further to 0.5mg after over two weeks had passed since i got down to 0.625mg. the acute withdrawal symptoms had subsided by then. acute withdrawal symptoms always included increases in sleep starts, plmd, and nocturnal calf cramps. however, the symptoms i am primarily complaining about started roughly 3 months before i reduced the klonopin dosage. if i were to reduce the dosage further i would go down by increments of 10-15%, having the exact dosages compounded at a compounding pharmacy. switching to diazepam first and then tapering the diazepam is also supposedly an option, but seems like more trouble than it's worth. \"", "answer": "one thing you don't mention is his discussing any of this with his doctor. that would be a good start!  vague but very troublesome symptoms of slowing, fatigue, and, and heat/cold can be thyroid issues, although they're not always, and hypothyroidism is more common in people with celiac disease. it's worth testing if it hasn't been already. really there are many tests to be done, but a doctor should be directly involved in figuring out which will be most explanatory.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b2mew3", "comment_id": "b2mew3"}, {"question": "husband has become extremely forgetful and zoned out", "description": "age: 31  sex: male  height: 5 foot 8 inches  weight: 260lbs  race: caucasian  duration of complaint: 2-3 weeks, progressively getting worse  location: nw ohio  any existing relevant medical issues: anxiety and acid reflux  current medications: unsure of names, but one for anxiety and one for heartburn  include a photo if relevant: n/a   hello, my husband used to be super attentive and on top of his shit, part of why i married him! these past 2-3 weeks he has changed drastically. he is super forgetful now. he paced the aisles at the store a few times yesterday and i asked what he was looking for so i could help find it, and he said he didn't remember. he forgot an ingredient in a recipe he makes regularly. he forgot his hardhat for work today, and its the same job he's worked for over 5 years and never forgot before. i told him i was concerned and wanted him to go to the doctor, but he immediately became defensive saying he was fine and that work would put him off for two weeks with no pay and no unemployment just for going to the doctor. i myself have a master's degree in human resources and told him that was not legal for the company to do....then his coworker texted me today and verified it was false. his coworker also said that he hasn't been right at work and his work performance is slipping badly. he did a task today that normally takes him 30 minutes and it took him over 4 hours today to complete. aside from the forgetfulness, he is never fully aware anymore. i will sit next to him and talk and he will not hear me. he will listen at first sometimes and then zone out so badly that i will stop mid sentence to see if he is listening and he never notices if i've stopped. i was cleaning and had a wooden log fall on me within 3 feet from where he was sitting, and i yelled. he didn't hear the log fall or me yell. he has stopped doing housework and gets mad when i don't do it all for him, which used to never be the case. we were always an excellent team and split the housework well. he has not changed any medicines in over a year, and no other major changes have happened. any ideas on what is going on?? his coworker is concerned it is a tumor pushing on his brain, and i worry that it might be early alzheimers or something...", "answer": "red flags are present for neurological, psychiatric or toxicological issues. urgent referral even if he doesn't want to.  edit: involve family if he doesn't cooperate.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "j1ilar", "comment_id": "j1ilar"}, {"question": "the apple cider vinegar situation", "description": "so, i (13f) have hair that is dyed what my grandma refers to as an alarming shade of blue. to maintain this, my hairstylist tells me to rinse my hair with apple cider vinegar every time i wash my hair. today, i spilled quite a bit of apple cider vinegar into my eye. this was about 10 minutes ago. my eye stings like hell every time i blink, move my head, or close my eyes. should i be concerned about any lasting effects? is there anything i should do about this?", "answer": "washing your eyes thoroughly with clean water is the best thing to do. the acid in vinegar definitely stings, but you will probably be fine. there have been cases of eye injury, but they mostly heal just fine. it definitely stings, though!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e327nz", "comment_id": "e327nz"}, {"question": "i'm (17/f) involved in a year and a half relationship. he is (20/m), but is it worth continuing?", "description": "i have been dating this guy for about a year and a half. i met him about 5 years ago, but have not been in contact with him the whole time. i ran back into him when he had started working with my mom back in october of 2015. everything has went great despite the ups and the downs. we've had quite a bit of people judge due to the age. he is currently 20 and will be 21 in march. i am currently 17 and will be 18 in june. however, my parents fully approve and my dad even recently got him a job where he works. anyways, he was very badly in debt when i met him. i've continued to handle his finances as i would if we were married. he appreciates it, but doesn't always follow through with my plans. every time i seem to start to get him out of debt it seems that something happens (car troubles, phone breaks, parents need help, ect..) that puts him back in debt. therefore, i've kind of lost ambition to even figure the finances out. anyways, he lives with his parents who both have physical and mental illnesses. he pays his father $75 a week to live there when all he does is take showers and sleeps there. my family feeds him even when we go out to each which is typically often. he stays here all but to sleep. a lot of the time he buys drinks and food for his parents. so, the problem is recently a lot has been brought up about engagement. he has said that he was going to ask my fathers permission to propose on 2 year mark. my dad is aware of this due to someone running their mouth. however, this is where the problems come in. about 2 months ago i moved about 45 minutes away from him when i used to live like 15 minutes. which has been hard on him due to gas. for the simple fact my parents do not like me going places by myself or driving far even though i have my own car and my own job to provide for gas and pay my car payment. i have been giving him money for gas so that he can go back and forth to work along with coming to see me. he has recently asked that he could take a day off a week from coming to see me because we see each other 7 days a week for like 4 or 5 hours a day besides weekends. therefore, i'm not sure how to feel about that because the duration isn't very long. it's not like it's all day everyday. today, the subject of his dad wanting him to move out came up. i brought up the idea of him moving up here since it would be closer to me and closer to his job. however, he said no because it would be too far from his parents. although he comes up here everyday and wouldn't have to go down there everyday. he was looking to rent to buy a house right around the corner from his parents. i feel like i shouldn't have to move all the way down there when he won't move all the way up here. i'm 17 and i feel like i should not have to move away from parents so fast. i feel like with him being almost 21 he should be ready to get out on his own and be independent and not wanna be up mommy and daddy's butt. i feel like maybe hes not mature enough? maybe hes not ready for commitment? i brought up the fact that he'd move up here if my parents let him move in and he said maybe. which i know he wouldn't. what is everyones thought on this? i seriously need advice!", "answer": "you sound more mature than him. but 21 is still young!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lp6p2", "comment_id": "5lp6p2"}, {"question": "how on earth to find a good therapist?!", "description": "i've tried everything.   first i went to a psychotherapist who was late for our meeting, showed up stinking of cigarettes, and kept pushing me to talk about my past sexual relationships during our very first session.   next i went to a recommended psychiatrist who was completely uninterested in my pain. she just took out a notepad, wrote down my symptoms and prescribed me antidepressants and sleeping pills. even though i told her i was having suicidal thoughts, she prescribed me full strength sleeping pills. i was the one who had to ask her to give me something milder that i couldn't potentially overdose on.   next i tried a cbt therapist (again highly recommended) who gave me some strategies. those strategies didn't work for me, but instead of helping me find something that did she just kept pushing me in the same direction. she's also very mercenary. i texted her today that i was on the verge of a depressive episode and she replied \"you can come in tomorrow and my fees have gone up x amount.\" there was no \"how are you\" or \"hope everything's ok\".   while i don't mind paying the (very high) fees most therapists charge, i need someone who is genuinely concerned about my wellbeing. has anyone ever found such a person? should i just give up altogether? ", "answer": "i've had 6 therapists over the course of my life. of those 6:  - 2 (including my current one) were excellent, truly cared about me, and have really changed my life for the better - 2 were nice and also cared about me, but didn't really help much - 1 was so-so, helped a little but we never really clicked - 1 was primarily a child therapist (i was 18 at the time and my parents got the referral from my old pediatrician), just not a good fit for my issues... plus he would be running behind, start my session late and then try to end on time, thus cheating me of my time  my boyfriend has also seen about 4-5 therapists. of those, 2 (including his current one) were really helpful, 1 seemed intimidated by my boyfriend's intelligence and also took notes on his laptop during session which was off-putting, and 1 was a real asshole who minimized his suicidal thoughts! good therapy is out there, but unfortunately there are bad therapists (as well as therapists who just aren't a good fit) and it can take a while to find the right one. it's almost like dating.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7rhbsp", "comment_id": "7rhbsp"}, {"question": "what am i supposed to do?", "description": "i am in high school. i am pretty unattractive and very awkward, but i still manage to make friends and have a somewhat normal life, besides never having been in any sort of romantic relationship. last year i developed a crush on this girl. over the summer it developed into a very deep infatuation. this year she is in none of my classes and i usually only see her in the halls once a day for a few seconds. also, she has a boyfriend. so yeah, snowflake's chance in hell of ever being anything more than an acquaintance with her. i am used to these circumstances, it has never really bothered me before. but last week i realized something: she graduates at the end of the next school year. then she is out of my life forever. ever since this realization, i have fallen into an extremely deep depression. i haven't been doing any of the things i enjoy, like watching tv, vg's, etc. i just sit around all day looking at uninteresting things on my phone while listening to music and trying but totally failing to not think about her. i got invited to a small party, my first party of any kind since elementary school, i am losing weight and gaining friends rapidly, and i don't even care. i just feel constant pain. i want it to stop. i don't know what to do. ", "answer": "wow, this looks exactly like something i could've written while in high school.  the thing is, if i were to hear what i'm going to tell you, i probably wouldn't have given it much weight, so i'm not expecting you to either, but trust me, you will come to realize these things in time.  1  you stated that you're \"unattractive\".  my question would be \"to who?\"  there is no set measurement stick for attractiveness.  each and every person finds different things, looks, personality types, etc. attractive.  the sooner your realize this, the better off you'll be.    2 you have a crush on this girl.  i'm guessing you haven't dated her before.  i'm guessing you probably don't even know her all that well.  as you've become infatuated with her, you've probably imagined so much about her and have this picture in your head about what she's really like that's probably the farthest thing from the truth.  in your infatuation you're blinded to all of her flaws and faults that might even turn you off to her.  3  while you're infatuated with this girl, you may be completely missing opportunities to date others.  the biggest problem i found myself in during high school that i see so many others struggle with  is taking the whole crush/going out thing way too seriously.  there's nothing wrong with going out on a date with someone you may not even be sure if you're completely into yet or not.  that's the whole purpose of dating.  having fun and figuring that out.    lastly, if you get too caught up on one person that is unavailable, you're just going to miss opportunities that might be right in front of your face.    so my suggestion is, work towards grieving this loss of opportunity, and move on as quickly as you can.  before you get yourself infatuated with another \"dream girl\", try to go on a date with someone more accessible without taking it too seriously.    i hope this helps, but completely understand if it sounds like a bunch of bs at this point.  at your age i probably would've shrugged it off like \"this guy just doesn't get it!\"   but having been in your shoes, i wish i knew then what i know now.  best of luck!  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6x9f46", "comment_id": "6x9f46"}, {"question": "how do you entertain yourself without alcohol?", "description": "basically, i want to go on a vacation from drinking of indeterminate length because i drink every day or every other day and that is very bad for you.  also, i am taking 18 college credits in two weeks and i can't do that getting drunk every day.  i'm not physically addicted to alcohol as far as i can tell.  i don't even feel a really strong need to have it most of the time.  but without it i am extremely bored and i think if i'm going to succeed i need to find a way to be not bored.  problems:  1.  i don't have any friends, and i don't like any of my boyfriend's friends when i'm not drunk.  for the moment, i'm not sure how to make rewarding social interaction happen.  2.  i am in a small town with limited activities to do, except for a lot of bars.  there are no meetups close enough for me to drive to, and no clubs in town that you don't have to pay to join.  both of these things are also not helped by the fact that i make very little money.  i've watched every tv show i'm remotely interested in watching, i don't like competitive video games, and i feel like i've also had my fill of hobbies that feel like work (learning languages, running, cleaning (if that's a hobby), drawing).   usually my solution is drink until everything is interesting, but i would love to find an alternative.  did anyone else experience this sort of boredom while trying to stop drinking?  what do you do with yourself?  does this feeling go away ever?", "answer": "you're in a very painful time in sobriety. early on the dopamine spike necessary for basic enjoyment of activities is astoundingly high because of how consistent drinking affects your brain. i don't have any solution to that other than to tell you it gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2d0smn", "comment_id": "2d0smn"}, {"question": "once i quit smoking i could see how repulsive i looked to others.", "description": "the last time i smoked was on january first, not because of any new years resolution (i had my tonsils removed on the 3rd and didn't want them to be inflamed before the surgery). obviously i had no urge to smoke the week following the surgery as my throat was in agony and i was sedated off painkillers. but two weeks after recovery and going back to school for the spring semester, it hit me that i had the longest clean streak i could remember.   there were times where i almost slipped but i feel like fate was on my side:  the first being when i came back to my house (i live in a fraternity house) my bong was gone. i don't know whether our housing manager was doing room checks or it got stolen. but the thing is i did not care, and to be honest i thought it was just hidden somewhere until i cleaned out my room today and saw it was no where to be found. hopefully whoever has it gets a good use out of it.  the other time was after a night at the bars a few of my friends were in a room and they were passing around a dab pen. when it came to me i took a hit and nothing. it had died right after the person who passed it to me hit it. that right there made me feel like i wasn't supposed to let this streak end and i should take it as far as i can.  now i can see what chronic smoking looks like from the perspective of a non smoker especially living in a fraternity house of 65+ college kids. they all fiend for cigarettes or \"t\" (they all love to chop) and you can't walk into a room without it reeking of american spirit tobacco and weed. it's so bad they will refuse to smoke straight weed if there is no tobacco put in. every morning when i take a shower i can hear 4 other kids coughing up last nights chop bowl into the sink. and when they do it in front of me what they cough up is pure black. i don't understand how anyone could live like that. they literally just sit in their rooms watching one of them play a video game taking turns chopping. if they want to do something really \"adventurous\" they'll roll a blunt. i get that you're in college but that's no way to live your youth.   luckily only about half of them are that bad and there are a lot of others living here with me who don't smoke at all. i've now been able to fall asleep without getting high (a huge achievement for the kind of stoner i was) and easily turn down the bong when it's handed to me. i don't have to spend $35 a week and can use that for better things and i don't cough up black mucus anymore. i still get the urge every now and then, in fact it was really bad tonight and that's why i visited this sub and am writing this right now, for the nights when i feel like i need just a little snap to get me to bed i take a melatonin (never more than 2 nights a week) and everything is fine.  just sort of putting my 2 cents into the conversation and am happy to know there is a community that supports these decisions. ", "answer": "the first ounce of pot i bought was $20 in 1969 and i had to mow four lawns to earn it. it made me popular with the kids hanging out at the bowling alley. the next year the price went up to $40 but it was more than twice as strong. after i started smoking pot my interest in school was lost and my grades went to hell but i didn\u2019t care much i just smoked more. i quit alcohol and pot in 1978 by attending aa and have stayed clean and sober ever since. i am glad i don\u2019t need it. i feel a little sorry for people who do need it and i believe that there are illnesses that it helps. but why would you want to diminish your own intelligence, reflexes, and awareness unless what you are experiencing is unpleasant. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "7x6xim", "comment_id": "7x6xim"}, {"question": "how do you deal with not wanting to live?", "description": "not really feeling suicidal or anything like that, but generally not interested in life. nothing seems to be worth getting out if bed for.  i\u2019ve gone a long time just forcing myself to do social things every day, like going to work or hanging out with people, because i know that is what is expected, but it\u2019s hella exhausting.  how do you deal with the fact that every aspect of your life either depresses you or bores you?", "answer": "one thing i've realized over the years as both a therapist having worked with countless folks who are or have been suicidal (whether active or passive) and as someone who has been suicidal myself that most people (myself included at the time though i didn't realize it) don't actually want to die.  what they really want is a break or reprieve from all of the things that are causing stress, sadness, anxiety, etc.    not living or ending your life for many of us is just the automatic thought that pops up because it seems like  the most immediate and direct way of getting that break or reprieve.     unfortunately, when completed, the results are permanent, when the feelings that caused them are only temporary (even though they rarely in the moment feel that way).     perspective helps me.  i've just had the worst week i've had in a long time.  i've been mildly depressed most likely due to seasonal changes or adhd related mood swings.  after that i've had to deal with major issues in my home.  at first the furnace seemed like it was on it's last legs and almost got scammed into paying 6k for a new one (when i found out from a second opinion it only needed one bolt tightened).  that was overwhelming but at least had a positive end.  immediately after, my basement floods.  i find out my sewer pipe is severely fucked up.  i about 20 hours between two days trying to fix the problem.  took off work and spent a lot of money only to find out everything i did didn't help in the slightest and now will have to call someone in and probably spend more money than we can afford right now.  while going through that, the brakes on our car go out which is part of bigger problem that makes the car not worth getting fixed, so we're stuck without a car until we can sort things out to get another.    my joke is that over the past few days i've been dealing with a lot of shit and can't get any brakes.  i mean this in the most literal way possible.     at various points the thought slips into my head that it would be better off if i just wasn't alive.  then perspective hits me.  i have an old friend who recently lost his wife, the love of his life to cancer.  they have a 5 year old kid.  my friend can't work because of an injury he sustained on the job.    my situation indeed sucks and all my stress and feelings are valid.  but when it comes down to it, my old friend would trade places with me in a heartbeat and i would never give up what i have to be in his shoes.      while the thought of not wanting to be alive slips into my mind for an instant here and there, the feelings i'm experiencing right now will pass and things will be sorted out.  i'm sure there will be plenty more times like this in the future and some much much worse.  in between though i have hope that there will be plenty of moments of joy to make it worth it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgca0b", "comment_id": "fgca0b"}, {"question": "metformin as a muscle relaxer?", "description": "greetings all, i (21m) had a question which just struck me after doing some internet searches. i recently went to the doctor to get a checkup about some hip/sciatic nerve pain that i\u2019ve had for months now. the doctor prescribed me a steroid, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer to take at night before bed. i\u2019m not worried about the first to but the metformin (the doctor claimed is the muscle relaxer) however when i look up metformin it says it\u2019s a anti-diabetic medicine. i don\u2019t really see anything about it being a type of muscle relaxer. i have never been told about diabetes and as far as i know i do not have diabetes (my grandpa has diabetes and he did a test for me months ago and said as far as he can tell i seem to be alright).      i just want to know if the medicine i was prescribed is correctly prescribed as a muscle relaxer or if it\u2019s incorrectly prescribed? thanks!", "answer": "i wonder if this was supposed to be metaxolone (skelaxin) or meloxicam (mobic) and got messed up somewhere.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f7qemg", "comment_id": "f7qemg"}, {"question": "that happens to everyone!! - how to respond.", "description": "so when i talk about my adhd symptoms, a common response i get from people is \"that happens to everyone\" or i deal with that to. for example, in conversations i tend to 'zone out' and have completely unrelated things going through my head. my sig other said oh, that happens to me too when i am trying to think of what to say next!   i told my sig other that it felt like they were invalidating my symptoms when they kept saying that, because that's how i felt.   i am having trouble articulating why it is different for me than them, and thus why i need my meds and have to work harder. any suggestions?  note: sig other is supportive of me, and did say they were just trying to make me not feel alone. (they do not have adhd) but since they arent the only one who does this, my question still stands.   tldr: how do i explain that my adhd symptoms are different than what 'normal' people deal with day to day.  ", "answer": "we all experience symptoms or behaviors associated with various mental illnesses or disorders at some point in our lives. what makes the symptoms and behaviors a disorder is when they interfere with your life in multiple areas to the level of impairment. for every disorder listed in the dsm, this is necessary for diagnosis: impairment in multiple areas in your life.  this is an example of how you can explain it to people: \u201csure, we all get forgetful or lose things now and then or space out sometimes. what makes it different for me is that it is really impairing. while you might space out and be able to get back on track quickly, i struggle to bring myself back and it takes me a lot longer to the point that i lose important chunks of conversations. or you might lose your keys once in a while and get frustrated for a few minutes, but that happens to me multiple times a day and makes me late. we all experience these things but my adhd makes me experience them a whole lot more and in ways that interfere with living my life.\u201d  edit: left out a word ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "aam99a", "comment_id": "aam99a"}, {"question": "two year old with autism just had blood drawn and almost every line was flagged. what would you make of these results?", "description": "2 year old male with autism, has trouble with eating, just had a cbc done this morning. results were automatically posted just recently, doctor has yet to get back to me because we are still waiting for the results on thyroid blood tests as well. i\u2019m quite worried.   [results here](WEBLINK)", "answer": "i'm not a pediatrician and i'm not sure all the normal values are appropriately adjusted here for a two year old. regardless, labs are set with the thresholds to flag such that there are more \"l\" and \"h\" markers than actually concerning values. having a panel that shows up as all normal in someone who is healthy and \"normal\" is the exception, not the rule.  none of the highs or lows are far enough that they raise any concerns for me, and the patterns are all reassuring (slightly high blood rbc/hemoglobin is probably a little more reassuring than slightly low or very high, for example). though again, i am not a pediatrician.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "anh5dg", "comment_id": "anh5dg"}, {"question": "ex bf's \"therapist\" harassing me?", "description": "i just wanted to know how i should proceed with this.  my ex was married and told me he was actually separated, but in reality he was not. (i did not know)  i ended things, and he went down a spiral of blaming depression and other things for his behaviors, which may or may not be true, but i did not want to partake regardless.  in a nutshell, my ex's \"therapist\" keeps asking me to participate in a therapy session with him and her, and when i reject, she continues to try and coerce me into participating in something i have clearly communicated i have zero interest in partaking in.  the initial text was talking about how she has been working with him, and that it would be very healthy for the three of us to get together. i clearly communicated i have zero interest, but wish him the best in his therapy.  she pushed further saying she thinks i should participate because i'm \"all he talks about in therapy\" and that he's described his life without me as \"miserable\". she even goes so far as saying i could make a small effort to make his life much, much better than it is.  i just have zero interest in being any part of this man's life anymore, including via therapy, and this feels like borderline harassment on her part. i'm actually in a healthy relationship with a person who is not married, and has been very honest with me. so i obviously just want this person to leave me alone.  any advice appreciated!  i looked her name up. the number on her website, practice\u2019s fb, and on google all matched with her number.  i then went to my state\u2019s license search and threw her (very unusual) name into the search with no specific license criteria. she came back as an lcsw (licensed clinical social worker) with a valid unexpired license.  my next course of action is going to be to block her, and keep him blocked, and report her to the state board. i\u2019m not going to warn her or anything. my feelings are that she already breached an ethical agreement and has allowed herself to be manipulated by this man so easily.  re: this man-  yesterday (shortly after this post) i got a mixed tape along with a 3 page (front and back) handwritten letter in the mail telling me that \u201cthe therapist told him i want nothing to do with him\u201d and that \u201cshe told him that if i loved him unconditionally nothing he did would ever change my view of him\u201d among a bunch of other crazy stuff. i never have claimed to unconditionally love him, or anyone else in my life. certainly not someone who i was a side chick.", "answer": "this is so gross. i'm really sorry.  i have heard stories of therapists colluding and not \"seeing through \" this bullshit,  but i always hope it is a misunderstanding or that there is some strategy i don't see. this just seems totally inappropriate.  even if you had been married for 20 years and had 10 kids, continued requests are inappropriate.   any idea what kind of license this therapist has?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hmwasp", "comment_id": "hmwasp"}, {"question": "social quicktips", "description": "my humble quicktip list.  if you'd like to see something added, please comment and i will append your name for credit.  * social gatherings - i used to feel uncomfortable here, i felt like i had to say or do something to be \"cool\"; however, once i sat back and ignored the party, laid back in a chair and staired up at the stars or something, i found that people were drawn to me and wanted to talk to me. there is something mysterious about that person who seems to be perfectly content on his own while this huge party goes on around him that makes people want to get to know him.  this is effortless on your part.  of course don't spend the whole party this way, if someone reaches out, give an appropriate response, they might take you around the party and introduce you to their friends or something.  * introducing a new friend to your friends - often when i bring a new friend around my current friends, they feel excluded and awkward.  i do a couple things here.  first, i make sure to distance myself from my friend, say, if he's sitting on one side of the room i sit on the other, with my old friends in between preferably, and i keep contact with my new friend.  i keep talking to him across the room about stuff we've done or make inside jokes or something, this gets my new friends interested and involved in the conversation and eventually, you don't need to say anything to keep the conversation flow between new friend and old friends running.  (i'll stop here for brevity)  * building social skills - very easy, almost effortless, when you are out somewhere, at a store or park or whatever, and you see someone make eye contact with you, *smile* and say *hey how's it going*. the goal isn't to start a conversation (if you do, that's cool), it's just to build your confidence in your ability to connect to others. often they will respond very well, it's not normal that strangers genuinely take an interest in them, and you will find that this brief human contact stimulates your mind and makes you feel better especially if you are in a grump-slump. like nike, \"just do it\".  * passing greetings - people often say \"hey\" or \"what's up\" when they walk past each other. if you know their name, simply append it to the end, and you can be confident that they will like you more and feel more connected to you in the future. \"hey brad\" goes a lot farther than \"hey\".", "answer": "good tips :) thanks for sharing!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "rrg0f", "comment_id": "rrg0f"}, {"question": "watched a man presumably die at the movie theater", "description": "hi all, hope this is the right subreddit to be posting on. need to speak of this and get some advice. yesterday my mom (56f), dad (60m) and i (24f) went go to see a movie since we all had the day off for holiday. as the movie was started, i noticed a middle aged woman crying and grabbing her husband. a second woman was on the phone with 911 telling them the man wasn\u2019t breathing. i was the first to notice among most of the people in the theater as the previews were so loud. i calmly told my parents that there was something serious happening right in front of us (slightly diagonal and in front, i was the closest). soon everyone started to notice and everyone jumped into action. the lights were still down and a nurse and doctor in the theater helped move the man onto the ground to perform cpr. my father was helping clear people away, and my mother was holding the wife and turning her away from her husbands body. they needed light and i was closest and i turned on my phone\u2019s flashlight and shined it on the man. all i could then see was his dead eyes slightly opened as my flashlight shined on them and his body being aggressively pounded on by the medical professionals. then, he started to vomit and as he was pounded more his vomit came out more and his eyes still open and lifeless. the nurse and doctor kept saying there was no pulse, no pulse. finally, the lights came on and the paramedics arrived. we were all whisked out of the theater but my mom stayed behind with the wife. i sat outside and my dad went to go smoke in the car from the stress. i then watched the man be furiously rushed out with the wife following being escorted by a paramedic as well.   we went home (parents dropped me off at my apartment) and at first when i was finally alone i cried and shook and cried and then threw up. my mom tried to call me but kept talking about the wife and i just didn\u2019t want to speak. to anyone. then, i just sat the rest of the evening staring. i tried to turn on the tv but couldn\u2019t focus. i kept thinking about the mans eyes and the vomit and his body lifelessly convulsing as the cpr was performed. last night i slept a bit but just couldn\u2019t stay asleep. had trouble falling back asleep. my mind was just not tired.   all day today i have felt extremely distracted and weird. not sure how i feel. it\u2019s good to note that my parents did not witness what i witnessed as my father was getting everyone away and my mom was comforting the wife turned away with her. i had to focus my light directly on him while everything happened. i have never seen something so horrific in my life. and my parents aren\u2019t a ton of help, because they are talking more about the empathetic point of view while i just keep having these images in my mind. i\u2019m not crying today or shaky but i sure don\u2019t feel good.            as someone who\u2019s never been through this shit, what should i do? what should i expect? what is normal? i still have no idea if the man was ever revived or if he is officially \u201cdead\u201d. i don\u2019t know if knowing would even phase how i\u2019m feeling.", "answer": "i\u2019m so sorry. that is so hard to experience. i am so glad you and your family were there to help in all the ways you did.  it\u2019s always scary and jarring when illness/emergency/death cross our path on what was just another day of us just going about our business. i\u2019m glad your family was there for them.", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "c9icn1", "comment_id": "c9icn1"}, {"question": "choosing between masters in social work vs masters in counseling", "description": "i am a 24 year old skills instructor (working with adults with disabilities) with a bs in psychology looking to go back to school and get my masters. my ultimate career goal is to be an independent couples counselor working out of my own home or a private office. i originally was planning on applying to a state university program for counseling but was recently told that if i want to be independently contracted then clinical social work is a better program to apply for. so, marriage and family counselors of reddit, what's your advice for the best path to go down to get where i want to be? what're the next steps i should be taking? (i live in massachusetts if that makes any sort of difference licensure wise)", "answer": "oh boy. this is sort of a loaded question. i got my lmhc in ma after getting my masters in counseling. i also live in ma. my understanding of this is that with your sw degree you have an easier time getting independently licensed and can use that in a multiple states. with your lmhc you have to get independently licensed in each state which may or may not mean returning to school. i've heard from licsw friends that they have more career options and often get paid better due to versatility in their degree. lmhc is less social work related jobs and more therapy jobs (although they can be somewhat interchangeable, as in doing more of a licsw job now and am an lmhc, and plenty of lis do therapy).  personally i don't regret getting my lmhc but wish i had more information on the differences during grad school. i think it's more of an access to jobs difference, but maybe someone had better information than i do.   i can answer anything you'd like i know about lmhc track, so feel free to ask! :) i practice in ma and have had my license for about a year. i just started my own private practice, so it sounds like we have similar career goals!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6ve7iu", "comment_id": "6ve7iu"}, {"question": "31/f/us i like stuff. you like stuff. let\u2019s be friends.", "description": "a bit about me:    love to be outdoors (camping, fishing, hiking) i prefer boots over heels any day, video games please, photography yes, foodie all day, returned peace corps volunteer 2010-2012 lesotho. i would rather be home as a human burrito or in the mountains. don\u2019t do the bar scene. i rarely drink but if i do i prefer whiskey. wes anderson, studio ghibli, tarantino films are my favorites. love horror, star wars, and star trek.   personality traits:  -independent  -nurturer  -no bullshit ", "answer": "hey, 31 f here too. where are you located? i\u2019m in denver. i enjoy cooking, comedy, succulents, nature, art. pm if you want to chat more!", "topic": "needafriend", "post_id": "b8150i", "comment_id": "b8150i"}, {"question": "i think my friend is faking schizophrenia & multiple personality disorder.", "description": "so i have a friend whom i know very well online. we are in a friend group in which everyone except me believes he has multiple personality disorder.  he says he was 'diagnosed as having schizophrenia' and apparently he chooses when his alternate personalities can come to control. the personalities share almost exactly the same opinions with him and can apparently let memories be his also. i'm so tired of this bullshit of him lying about this. there's so much shit that i'll update later in the comments. ", "answer": "well, if he is claiming that schizophrenia = multiple personalities, then that is just not accurate. schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that involves a whole cluster of debilitating symptoms.   schizophrenia is fairly rare (about 1% of the population). dissociative identity disorder (aka \"multiple personality disorder\") is even more rare (and many professionals would argue that it doesn't really exist). the likelihood of him having both and being functional enough to describe it/maintain a social friend group online is less than 1 in 10,000. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4phuze", "comment_id": "4phuze"}, {"question": "has anyone had a positive experience with inpatient rehab?", "description": "i'm trying to decide the best time to go and i think now is probably the right answer. i've been to aa off and on but i haven't made any progress since last november when i stayed sober for 29 days. i still have my job and i haven't caused any major pain for anyone but i know i can't stay sober without getting help and seriously overhauling my way of living. my life stopped progressing about a year ago and now i'm just crawling through every day. if anyone has any positive or negative experiences about treatment facilities i'd love to hear them.", "answer": "when i went to rehab i was furious, i was resentful, and i hated every second of it. it wasn't until about 2 months after that i realized how truly lucky i was to go and how i would not be where i am today had i not gone. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1enbj0", "comment_id": "1enbj0"}, {"question": "i hope you needed it more than i did", "description": "to my unknown coworker who was so kind as to liberate my lunch from the refrigerator, i hope you truly needed it. i've been trying to watch what i eat and lose some extra weight so instead of going out for food, i keep lunch in the work refrigerator. i hope the brown rice, stir fried chicken, and veggies that i took time to prepare this morning was filling and satisfying. was the extra red pepper i put in there too much? i was curious but now i shall never know. maybe your financial situation is dire and you needed food... i get it, i've been there. in fact, i'm there right now, thanks to you! if you would have asked, we could have split it! there was more than enough for both of us. looks like water and wheat thins for me today. can i at least get my lunch bag back? that was a gift from my mother. ", "answer": "someone stole a monogrammed coffee mug from my last workplace and i'm *still* mad about it. it was a christmas gift, and to whomever has it, i hate you still.  i don't understand the mentality - i tend to assume it's an honest mistake and then the person thinks they can't save face, but i'm not sure. i hope you get your lunch bag back! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4po8cp", "comment_id": "4po8cp"}, {"question": "my personal tips when i\u2019m having anxiety", "description": "i just wanted to share my own tips for when i have an anxiety attack i hope that\u2019s okay i\u2019ve never posted on this sub before so i apologize if i make a mistake or anything. usually this stuff works best if i can tell it\u2019s just starting and can try to catch it before it spirals, but either way i find these helpful maybe you will too. i know some are common but i wanted to share anyway!  - shower! hoping in the shower is such a nice re-set for me and let\u2019s me zone out  - face steamer. it\u2019s extremely calming and the steam is so great for the skin  - driving. obviously if your anxiety is triggered by driving don\u2019t do this, but for me a drive on a familiar straight road with my favorite music playing and zoning out can really help  - cbd. i take it regularly for my anxiety and it works wonders. i use it when i feel an attack coming on (similar to how people use benzos) it\u2019s been a few months now and i haven\u2019t noticed any side effects  - a nostalgic show. for me it\u2019s always gilmore girls \u2014 lorelei\u2019s voice alone can calm me down so much  - painting! i am far from an artist but literally just moving the paint brush around making random mediocre art is really calming for me  - a heavy blanket. i\u2019ve actually never used a gravity blanket, so i can\u2019t speak on that. but my thick down comforter feels like a hug and i love it  - a community (even if it\u2019s online). sometimes i get really lonely then get anxious about how i\u2019m lonely. subs on reddit or even finding people with similar interests on twitter helps me feel like i\u2019m not so alone  - writing. this is my number one outlet personally. if i have the mental stamina for it i force myself to write it out and let it out. especially great if i feel like i have no one to talk it out with  - doing the dishes. i know it\u2019s weird but it helps for me  - do one nice thing i have to and/or one good thing for myself. this can be extremely difficult if i\u2019m super anxious, but if i\u2019m able to i try to force myself to do one thing on my to do list or one thing for myself that\u2019s good for me like drink a smoothie or take my vitamins or make my bed \u2014 even if it\u2019s really small i feel a sense of accomplishment when it\u2019s over that helps  - water. i just force myself to drink a glass if i can  - a walk. this one is super hard if i\u2019m really anxious. but if the weather is decent and the anxiety is not too bad yet i try my best to do this one.   i know some of these are extremely obvious but i just wanted to share what i do in anxiety attack situations!! please share your own tips!        edit: i also wanted to add lavender incense and doing my makeup as a couple other helpful things!", "answer": "these look really good for while you are having anxiety and have done your work already. they are mostly distraction and avoidance and are making the anxiety stronger and more entrenched. zoning out and focusing on other things, just like procrastination, works to make facing the anxiety worse later on when you can't avoid it/have to face it, esp when going to sleep or going into an anxiety-producing situation.   sorry if this sounds like i'm yucking your yum. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "azpa88", "comment_id": "azpa88"}, {"question": "my 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with tourettes and my wife and i need advice on how to help her", "description": "my 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with tourettes and my wife and i are struggling with it. obviously it isn't about us and i don't want this to sound like i'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](WEBLINK) when she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. does anyone have any advice from your own experience? we don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "i think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. she\u2019s so lucky to have you. just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does cbit or hrt to address tics.  WEBLINK", "topic": "tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "ip896l"}, {"question": "my (20m) ex boyfriend (20m) who i've been dating for the past 5 months but have lived with for the past year broke up with me out of nowhere and i have absolutely no closure on any part of the situation.", "description": "(long story, but ultimately looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about dissociative identity disorder / trauma / how to handle a break-up)  my ex boyfriend and i met on the first day of university last year, since he lived in the dorm room next to me. he had a crush on me for the entirety of our first semester of uni, and i knew he did, and he also knew that i did not return his feelings at the time. still, he was basically my best friend for those 5 months and we talked/hung out every day.  at the end of the first semester i began developing feelings for him too, but i was too scared to do anything about it until i confessed to him at the end of last january and we started dating. when covid hit and universities started to close their dorms, i convinced my parents to let him live with us because his family is incredibly abusive. so, he lived at my house for 1.5 months and met my whole family and everything seemed great. i've never felt so comfortable and so secure around anyone in my life.  but in the middle of may he went back to live with his family because the school year had finished. his family plays a very important part in this story. his mother is insanely sensitive/emotionally manipulative/anxious/homophobic and very much a traditionalist, and his father has physically and sexually abused him throughout his life. he has not told me much of these details directly, but i can infer things from what he has told me and whenever he talks about how terrible his parents are he tends to laugh it off.  since summer started, i have not seen him or talked to him over the phone (only text) until about three weeks ago when i visited his house. being at his house was the most awkward thing i have ever experienced. there were holes in his ceiling at various locations throughout the house and periodically there was just pieces of wood instead of ceiling (which my ex said was to cover water damage). none of the doors in his house had locks on them and there were security cameras everywhere inside. besides that, his house was absolutely spotless (think: ikea showroom. even his bedroom looked fake) and throughout the entire time i was there his mom was cleaning up things and watching us from a distance. i was anxious the entire time i was there and i even mentioned to him how i understand now why he cannot stand being at his parents house. i have never felt as terrible as i felt when i was at that house.  well, 2 days ago he starts texting me about how he wants to go to therapy and he's scared it's going to unearth dissociative identity disorder because he's been compartmentalizing his trauma/stress all his life. i know enough about did to know the implications of that but i've never had lived experience with knowing someone who had did. so of course i told him that no matter what happens i'll always be there for him. immediately afterwards, he sends me a text basically saying that after some self reflection he has decided to break up with me. i kept asking why, and he keeps saying it's because ever since 3 weeks ago he has just felt no romantic attraction to me (even though i haven't seen him or talked to him and we have been exceptionally close for the past year). i kept telling him that that makes no sense and that i've known him so well and that if he stopped having feelings for me, there has to be a reason why, but he keeps stating that it's normal to randomly lose feelings for people and that there doesn't have to be a reason. i've begged him to literally tell me any reason why and he just kept getting frustrated with me and told me that it's normal to lose feelings. he also said that he did 100% feel attracted to me when he was living with me at college and at my house, but says \"i have a problem with mirroring other people's emotions so i don't know how much of my attraction was just mirroring your attraction but i can promise you i did feel attraction to you that entire time\".  i am just so lost right now. it just doesn't make sense. he's supposed to be my roommate at university next year so i asked him if we could maybe just take a break instead of breaking up entirely since his lack of attraction is so out of nowhere, but he was very adamantly opposed to that idea. i have no idea what to do or what to think or how to rationalize this and i won't have any type of closure until i see him at university in two months.  none of it makes sense and i have no idea how much of it is me being in denial or how much of it is a result of his mental state or his parents or anything and i would just like some outside input and any advice on how to cope at all.", "answer": "this must be so hurtful!   whatever the heck happened,  he is making it really clear he needs space.  we don't know what is happening on his end , and  may be going through something pretty serious.  if you can, it may be helpful if you can seek support from someone other than him for your legitimate pain. i worry that he is further burdened by your emotional reaction and can't respond if he is in crisis.   you clearly care very much about this man and i hope you get answers.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hjiedl", "comment_id": "hjiedl"}, {"question": "is saying \"i'm sorry my opinions offended you\" the same as \"i'm sorry you were offended by my opinion\"", "description": "to me, these are very different. to me the first one seems like a genuine apology, for hurting someone's feelings, while the second one is saying that the other person is overreacting about what person a said. however i can understand that both may be seen as offensive statements and i wanted to get reddit's opinion on the matter. i ask because i don't think people should apologize for having a certain belief, but they should apologize if they hurt someone's feelings. what do you think?", "answer": "i really don't like either of these.  i agree with what you said in that if you care about someone, it's important to acknowledge that you hurt their feelings and apologize if you actually are sorry that you did it.  i also agree that you don't have to apologize for having a different opinion or even an opinion that offends someone.      while it may not be the speaker's intent, they both read like \"i'm sorry you're upset but i believe what i believe.\"  while this may truly be the case, if you're sincere in feeling sorry that you hurt the other person's feelings, what purpose is there in adding this?   couldn't you simply say \"i'm sorry that i offended you.  that wasn't my intent.\"     if it wasn't so much your opinion but the delivery that caused the issue and you wish you had delivered your opinion differently, you can be specific about that.  \"when i was talking about ______ i'm guessing i came across too harsh and i'm sorry if it was too much.\"   or lastly,   some opinions really are better kept to yourself.  it doesn't make you wrong for having the opinion, but given your relationship with the person it might not have been appropriate to express it at all.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "937fjo", "comment_id": "937fjo"}, {"question": "it's my birthday", "description": "i'm 32 today and this will be the first time in 17 years that i will not drink on my birthday.  most of my friends have gone away on a vineyard trip for the week so i declined to join them. my other good friends live in other countries or have gone away for events this weekend so i'm on my own this evening.   today has been great i woke up (not hungover) next to a really cute girl i met recently and then made her a nice breakfast. i did all my chores for the weekend like shopping and food prep. i gave myself a diet break, ate some chocolate then had a nap. i have just been to the gym and spent 2 hours lifting heavy stuff and now it's 9pm and i'm planning on running 10k.   i will admit that i miss the friends who went wine shopping but knew i couldn't handle vineyard tasting days sober especially on my birthday. i'm a little lonely right now but it's ok because i have achieved the unthinkable a sober birthday.  i was planning a nice dinner but the run is going to make it late so i'm planning hungry jack's (bk).   ok i didn't really have much of a point for this post other than to say thanks to all of you guys, reading your struggles and your success makes today really easy for me. i will not drink with you all today :d", "answer": "happy birthday, and well done on facing those feelings of loneliness so well. take care and good luck \ud83d\ude03", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h7ekb", "comment_id": "8h7ekb"}, {"question": "what are the odds for a false positive diagnosis?", "description": "i just wondered if i may have to a certain degree already jeopardized a potential assessment due to confirmation bias, as i've rather thoroughly informed myself about aspergers.  also, would choosing a therapist who's specialized in autism have a similar effect; would someone who's an expert in personality disorders rather assume that i may be schizoid, for instance? simply because they're looking for something specific?  i'm not too worried about any diagnosis, nothing wrong with having a problem, i just want clarity, rather than an educated guess.", "answer": "it does happen, but i would definitely prefer seeing a specialist over a non-specialist.  asperger's experts generally agree: a specialist is better.  the best thing you could do might be to explore your concerns with your psychiatrist.  i did that, and she actually let me redo parts of my assessment at no charge.  friendly reminder: in 21 days, a new diagnositic and statistical manual will be released and asperger's disorder will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis in many areas of the world.  instead, there will be autism spectrum disorder with different levels of severity.  it is up to you of course, but you may want to wait to pursue a formal diagnosis until the book is released and you can find a mental health professional that will diagnose you with it.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1djnwc", "comment_id": "1djnwc"}, {"question": "i'm [33/f] and invisible to [34/m] husband unless i am being his shrink, maid, chef, sex toy or business consultant. or at least that's how i feel.", "description": "what do you do when you feel unloved? overlooked?  like a second thought in your husband\u2019s life?  when nothing you do will ever bring you first?  or be enough though you do everything from washing his socks to talking him off a ledge about work. when a job that he hates is more important?  when he takes but never gives?  when it\u2019s not even his fault because it is who he is and you knew that from the get go?  what do you do when you start to hate every holiday or event in life because you know he\u2019s going to either flat out ignore it or begrudgingly do something at the last minute that\u2019s going to make you feel even worse because you know he\u2019s only doing it because he is supposed to not because he wants to?  when all you want is for him to want to make you happy and actually put effort in?  what do you do when he\u2019s your best friend but his inability to be present, thoughtful, considerate, or grateful makes you die a little more every day?  what do you do when the thought of leaving him makes you sick and isn\u2019t something you are willing to do because he\u2019s not a bad guy he\u2019s just him and you knew that all along?  how does one accept what their partner has to offer and not want what they know they can\u2019t have?", "answer": "too complex for redditors; please go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8dmb", "comment_id": "5t8dmb"}, {"question": "so my mom doesn't like my girlfriend and is crying every night.", "description": "this is difficult. i don't know what to think anymore.  i've been with my (first) girlfriend for a little less than a year. we are in our early 20s. our relationship hasn't been as crazy as other reddit stories. i like her, she likes me. she likes me more than i like her, as far as i can tell.  my mom does not like her. she gives the following reasons:  * she is of a different country of origin from me. my parents barely speak english and my mom says this is going to be awful if we get married. the cultures, traditions, languages, and families are too different. - i somewhat agree, but i never got to the \"married\" part in my head. fwiw, we are both of asian descent, albeit different countries. * she has made me negative and empty. my eyes don't light up anymore since getting together with her. i'm less passionate. - i agree with this, but i don't entirely believe it's my gf. i just landed a decent job after grad and i'm wondering \"now what?\" * i am getting more and more distant now, and my entire family is falling apart because of it. - i've always felt distant with my parents. i honestly do not know why. i've tried connecting better, but for some reason never could. my mom has been giving me shit about going out to meet the girlfriend.  now here's the scary part. i recently moved out to a different city two hours away for my new job (and yes my girlfriend is still back at home). my dad just sent me a link the other day to [atypical depression](WEBLINK). he called me at work to talk privately and said that my mom fits all the symptoms of that, including crying a lot, random fits, irrational (and almost violent) behavior sometimes. he says that i should come home soon and agree to whatever my mom asks. so i came home last weekend.  my mom along with my dad on the side said a lot of things that led me to believe what i just listed above. it was pretty emotional and i cried a lot. i honestly thought, up until a few moments ago, that i should brake up with my girlfriend because she is not good for me and my family now, or in the long run. i just talked to my best friend and he said i'm a jerk for wanting breaking up with a girl that loves me so much, but that if i can't give my girlfriend what she wants (the attention, the care) because i don't like her as much as she likes me, then i should break up with her, especially if my parents would be berating me and that would be passed on to her. he also mentioned, upon hearing how my mom is crying and being really emotional about it, that i'm being emotionally abused by my parents.  my parents are actually asking me to break up with my girlfriend, asap. i have no clue what to think anymore. i know that i haven't figured out myself well and i need to work on what i need and who i am. i want to do the right thing here now, but i don't know what that is. what should i do, reddit?", "answer": "first off, there is no \"should.\" there is no right answer here, only what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do.  if maintaining harmony in your family is the most important thing to you, then by all means, make peace with your family.  if not, and you want to remain in a relationship with this woman, then stay with her, and let your parents know that this is the way it is.  of course, you have to be prepared for the ramifications of either decision.    if your mom truly has depression it is unlikely that it is as a result of this.  she may very well be disappointed and upset, but depression is a different monster.  if she has those types of issues, then you (or someone else) can encourage her to get help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dwfdf", "comment_id": "dwfdf"}, {"question": "erectile dysfunction caused by antidepressants", "description": "i have been taking zoloft (sertraline) for a couple of years and it has been very helpful in managing my depression. about a month ago, my psychiatrist raised my dose from 75mg to 100mg. i recently got into a new relationship and we have started being sexually active. i have never had a problem getting or maintaining an erection in my life, and i am very attracted to my partner. my sex drive is still there and pretty much unaffected, i still desire and crave sex just as much as before. but in the moment, i just haven't been able to get an erection. my body is literally aching for sex and i want this girl so bad, but i just can't get it up. it's embarrassing beyond belief and it makes me feel like a disappointment. i am pretty sure this is being caused by the changed in my medication since i have never had this problem before. i take my medicine as directed and have not had any problems with ed when i was on doses ranging from 25-75 mg. what can i do other than lower the dose (which i will talk to my doctor about at my next appointment)? it's killing my sex life and it's frustrating and i want my body to be back to normal.", "answer": "bupropion, mirtazapine, or back to 75mg sertraline are your options i think. or sildenafil.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "68e18p", "comment_id": "68e18p"}, {"question": "surgery is done abroad. where to do postcare in the us ?", "description": "19, male, 5' 8'', 175 lb, middle eastern, lower back, tempe, az  ​  my brother did a pilonidal cyst surgery 2 weeks ago and now he's getting back to the us for college. the surgeon instructed him to find a place to change dressing daily and remove the surgical stitches when the wound has healed . not sure who to schedule an appointment with  called the hospital: they told me appointment can't be scheduled. he has to have a primary care doctor or he can enter the er without an appointment  called urgent care: they were not sure the assistant physicians can help him  since the dressing needs to be changed daily, whats the best place to go to in terms spending the least amount of time there wait.  i would prefer he doesn't go to the er as that tends to be 9-11 hours wait. he has insurance that will cover everything  ​  ​", "answer": "he could go to the student health center of his college.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aeq3dm", "comment_id": "aeq3dm"}, {"question": "when you feel like shit but can\u2019t show any emotion", "description": "i feel like shit and i want my body to react to i want to yell scream cry my eyes out but i can\u2019t, like try to find the most depressing songs and films to find but no tears ,no emotion  i feel like i am simply not here. ", "answer": "i understand exactly what that\u2019s like.  it\u2019s anhedonia. it sucks. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9zp7sq", "comment_id": "9zp7sq"}, {"question": "what's the difference between asserting a boundary and creating an ultimatum?", "description": "do you have specific examples?", "answer": "ultimatums are types of boundaries, but where crossing that boundary leads to a complete end of the relationship.     as a therapist i often refer to these as \"deal breakers\".     a boundary in a relationship centered around substance abuse might look like:   \"i don't like it when you drink heavily.  i'd like it if you wouldn't when we spend time together.  if you get too drunk, i'm just going to go and do my own thing for the rest of the night.\"     an ultimatum might be:  \"while i don't like the heavy drinking, i absolutely don't want to be in a relationship with someone using heroin.  if you started using heroin i'd have to break it off, without compromise.\"   all boundaries and ultimatums should have consequences attached to them, or they're not really boundaries, or at least not ones being enforced.     at the end of the day, some things may be deal breakers that are just boundaries for others and vice-versa.  there's no one set of right or wrong boundaries/ultimatums we give to others.  it's up to each of us to decide what we want (boundaries) and what we need (ultimatums) out of our relationships with others.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dowec4", "comment_id": "dowec4"}, {"question": "what are these symptoms?", "description": "lately, i have been feeling like i've just gotten done crying, i'm about to cry, and i'm crying all at the same time. i have mild anxiety from time to time and in the worst case, i have full blown panic attacks where i need to hide and spend 20 minutes breathing and crying. it was worse before where i would constantly relive the bad moments and frequently wake up at 4am and vomit my guts out before work.     i think it was due to a terrible rejection /breakup and my past history with women (and how they've treated me) that i suddenly mentally broke down. this has been continuing for a good year now. i need to see a therapist but i am not sure what kind of therapist i need to see. should i see a general therapist or is there a specific practice i should look for?", "answer": "therapist here. i do not hear any trauma history or symptoms of ptsd. sounds like anxiety and perhaps depression, although i don\u2019t have enough information to be certain about depression. definitely consider seeing a therapist and i would recommend dbt. if you can\u2019t find a dbt practitioner then cbt would be my second preferred treatment approach.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "brlsgt", "comment_id": "brlsgt"}, {"question": "i just started to hear voices... help", "description": "i know i'm not mad, but it's the 3am right now and i'm here, with my headset on, and i started to hear voices. not coming from the headset, but from the real world. i just stayed there for a few minuts, and i still hear wispers, though no one is here... is depression finally killing my mind ? am i turning mad ?", "answer": "it\u2019s possible that you may have depression with psychosis.  i\u2019d recommend seeing a psychiatrist asap and they might be able to give you better feedback. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "b96bos", "comment_id": "b96bos"}, {"question": "a family member is suicidal, homicidal, in a mental hospital and under a 3 minute watch because she believes she in possessed by demons and so are others and she has to cut them out of people.", "description": "she is not religious. she never has been. none of us are. she is married to my cousin. he woke up one night and she was standing over him with a knife saying she had to cut the demons out of him. i think she has some childhood trauma, i don't know. her dad used to say he heard voices apparently. is cacodemonomania treatable? will she ever go back to normal? how can we help her? it has been like this since her dad passed and has gone from small episodes to consuming her entirely.", "answer": "not a therapist but i work in a psych hospital and i see patients like this often. you say she's been like this since her dad passed, how long ago was that? give her a few days/weeks with meds and see how she does. best thing you guys can do for her is make sure she continues to take her meds when she gets out of treatment.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dihwwm", "comment_id": "dihwwm"}, {"question": "boundaries", "description": "i want to learn what are boundaries exactly , how to set and how to hold on to them", "answer": "very briefly, i\u2019d summarize boundaries by deciding: what is ok with you, and what isn\u2019t? if you communicate your boundaries to others, and someone interacts with you in a way that violates them (not ok with you), is there a consequence?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "etr6z9", "comment_id": "etr6z9"}, {"question": "therapist charged me a $125 cancellation fee because i missed my appointment to go see my dying grandma", "description": "i\u2019ve been seeing my current therapist for about one year and liked her pretty well. last wednesday evening i got a call that my grandma who lives 600 miles away was being placed on hospice care. i messaged my therapist that i couldn\u2019t make it to my appointment the following day because i was going to drive out and see my grandma because she is expected to pass away soon. my therapist responded \u201csorry to hear that. you will be charged a $125 for late cancellation. you can send a check or pay at your next appointment in cash.\u201d  this really upset me because it is the only time i\u2019ve ever canceled late (less than 24 hours before the appointment). i can afford to pay it, but she knows how worried i\u2019ve been about my grandma and this just seems uncaring to me.   on friday she messaged me \u201ci sent you a bill. please let me know when you receive it.\u201d this upset me even more and i responded \u201cokay, please cancel all my future appointments.\u201d she messaged back, \u201cwhy?\u201d and then i blocked her number. i feel super anxious about this and i can\u2019t fall asleep because i can\u2019t stop thinking abut it. did i overreact?", "answer": "the financial end of therapy often gets in the way. i don't usually charge people for late cancellations but i do when it's habitual and not congruent with their diagnosis. the only way a therapist makes money is by billing for that session and so the cancellation is their income loss. some is expected but sometimes it becomes an issue that good therapists don't have to accommodate. the tricky part is that the less accommodating a therapist is, the better they are usually. busy therapists who are really good at their job are often 20-30 people deep in referrals or requires for treatment so they see any dead hour as an income loss.   it does sound like she was really unaware of how crappy it is to have the charge on top of your stress and it would have been more helpful if she figured out a way to let you know about it more kindly and offered to spread it out over a few weeks along with your copay. her heartless way of saying it sounds like she didn't mind it being a possible threat to you continuing. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "9ippdr", "comment_id": "9ippdr"}, {"question": "inositol and soda???", "description": "first, hello, i am new here. i was diagnosed with pcos at age 17 after i started getting excessive hair growth. i have been on and off ocps and spiro for years and up and down on the scale.   my a1c and fasting glucose are always normal, if not the lower end of normal, but i was looking more into inositol after reading about it here.  so my question, can i mixed inositol powder with diet soda or should it just be water?  also weird thing happened when i googled this question. what came up was the fact that drug dealers often cut cocaine with inositol powder and one site even said the majority of people buy inositol powder are coke dealer. whaaat?!?!?!? anyone ever heard this before? hate to think of the nsa  watching my purchases...", "answer": "it should ideally be water. you should still limit the amount of artificial sweeteners you consume. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3negoq", "comment_id": "3negoq"}, {"question": "greeting girls down the hall", "description": "so i'm in highschool and i am socially awkward is what i think i am. i don't really struggle to make friends but when im in a conversation im usually awkward as hell and sometimes when i couldnt hear someone, i dont know what to do. anyways, so i think the main social point in highschool is to stay relevant, and im starting to fall off from that.  a week ago i was rushing to the bus and while speedwalking down the halls and this one girl (pretty nice and hot) said hi to me while i was going down the flight of stairs. i said hey to her back but it was more like a mutter and i dont believe she heard it too well. it was an awkward situation and i kind of regret not greeting her back loud enough. i thought about it for a while during the bus ride. what do i do in this scenario? so i know its been a week but similar situations happened to me in school. should i greet all the girls i know who i pass by during the halls? or should i ignore them and get on to get to my class? i feel like if i say hi or something and they dont hear me and just walk past me (happened often), it'll make me be awkward in front of everyone in the hall.", "answer": "i think it's good practice to give a quick greeting in passing to just about anyone so long as they make eye contact, even strangers.     it may be anxiety producing at first but will work wonders in helping you overcome social anxiety.  on top of that, if you ever wanted to spark up a conversation with anyone, it's much easier after they've seen you around and you've greeted them, even if it's just a quick \"hello\"  \"good morning\" \"hey, what's up?\"   some folks may find this off putting, but honestly, that's just usually because they're jealous of your confidence to do this or their own social anxiety is getting the best of them.  more often than not, people will just see you as being polite, friendly, and confident.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7qb1w", "comment_id": "a7qb1w"}, {"question": "question regarding mental health", "description": "hi there guys   27 year old male. 1.77m in size. weighing around 85/87 kilograms. non smoker, non drinker.   i'm not entirely sure whether this is the correct place to ask this, but is it possible for the body to experience symptoms of illnesses/diseases that they wouldn't necessarily have?  i have never gotten this confirmed by a medical professional or doctor but i would say i suffer from hypochondria and i have always wondered whether the human brain is capable of such a thing.  for example, diabetes. i might at a later point in my life get diabetes due to genetics and or poor dietary habits, a huge portion of my dad's side of the family has diabetes. my dad, his dad, his two brothers and his sister. i have looked into the symtoms every once a while throughout my life and could often only really relate to a few minor symtoms that often at time would pass or turn out to not be as severe as i made up to be, but there's been this indescribable itch in one of my fingers since last night that can't seem to leave me alone. there's also this weird tingly sensation in both of my hands.   or a few weeks ago where i had this lightheadedness that lasted for a few days, to the point where i had to hold onto walls every once a while cause it felt like i was going to fall. that too thankfully has past now, but could it really be that me imagining and thinking being dizzy and lightheaded actually resulted in me being dizzy?   i always hear how powerful the brain can be, so could it be that i am underestimating my brains capabilites?  i really do not want to waste anyone's time with this. there are probably a lot more people on here that require the help a lot more than i do right now.", "answer": "yes, it\u2019s possible to have your mind and brain produce physical symptoms as a result of mood, anxiety, and stress. any serious symptoms should still be worked up by a doctor to make sure rather than assuming, but somaticization\u2014symptoms due to psychological causes\u2014is a common and fairly normal process.  if it becomes frequent and overwhelming, that too can be treated, but only if that seems worthwhile to you.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "eo3t0k", "comment_id": "eo3t0k"}, {"question": "how i'm doing", "description": "i got divorced 6 weeks ago. my world collapsed around me. he moved out before that; on my 4 month sober-versary.   i drank 21 days ago. i felt all the shame and realized it wasn't helpful, so i stopped feeling shame, still count the 6 months (now almost 7 before that) because those days count still.   people ask me a lot \"how are you?\"   i say fine a lot. fine is comfortable for people and myself. fine doesn't beg for relief or comfort. fine doesn't open up a person to looks of pity or questions. fine keeps people at a safe distance.   fine is destroying me.   i'm not fine. i am far from fine. i'm very much not okay. i am in a place that is filled with more pain that i ever though i would experience. some days, getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other to do the things i have to do and making it to bed at night feels like running a marathon.   my heart hurts. my body hurts. i feel both like a stranger to myself and also oddly familiar. see, the hurting is softening me. being sober is softening me. walls are falling down and revealing all that i held inside and covered in alcohol, men, eating disorders, shopping.   pain has slowed me down. it's caused me to go inward more and learn to be okay with not being okay for now. because i will be okay. i have no idea when but i am comforted to know i will be.   some friends have reached out to me. \"how are you?\" my pat answer \"i am fine\" and then i paused and sent a new message. i am not fine. everything hurts. i'm sad and i don't know when it's going to end. but i'm trying. i make my bed in the morning. i wash my face at night. some days, the in between of those two things is a blur or a struggle.   my recovery hasn't been rainbows and butterflies. it's been thunderstorm after thunderstorm. i see now that the pain and the thunderstorm are necessary to wash away the fascade i lived behind. to soften the ground, myself, so i can learn who i really am.   so if you are struggling because your recovery feels heavy. feels hard. i'm here to tell you that it's okay. you're not doing anything wrong. you can sit in the pain and get through you. you can be not okay for a while and still be a badass.   its okay to scream in the car. in the shower. to eat ice cream out of the container. to curl up on the couch and stare at the ceiling. it's okay to feel like putting one foot in front of the other is all you can do for that day.   but find your people. find the people who can accept you not being okay for now. who don't want to hear fine. who can handle the weight you are carrying without seeing you as a burden. find those people. hold on to them.  and if you are one of the okay ones, be that person to someone else. it may be the one thing that helps them get from waking up to falling asleep that day without feeling so heavy. ", "answer": "beautifully written. you really described so well the idea of pain and the hurt of it, as well as the recovery and newness from it all. it will get better. good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9e4rg8", "comment_id": "9e4rg8"}, {"question": "anyone found a good system to keep your room clean?", "description": "my mom would always say just keep it clean as you go. that doesn't seem to work though. i clean it on weekends but it's pretty embarrassing.", "answer": "so this is how i learned to keep my house clean: start with one thing. if it\u2019s keeping clothes off the floor, desk neat, dishes in the kitchen, making the bed, whatever, start with that one thing and do that all week. you\u2019ll eventually find that something that didn\u2019t used to bother you will feel uncomfortable if you don\u2019t do it. then slowly add the next thing once you\u2019re consistent. save the weekend for deeper cleaning like vacuuming/changing sheets etc.   for me it stated with keepin my sink free of dishes, moved onto countertops, then keeping surfaces near in the living room, keeping the floor free of random shit, etc. i used to not even see dirt/messes and now that kind of thing bugs the hell out of me. and once your used to doing something it doesn\u2019t feel like a huge effort, and it\u2019s less of an effort because you don\u2019t let things get so bad. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "76k4dr", "comment_id": "76k4dr"}, {"question": "my boyfriend [21/m] and i [27/f] are having issues with communication. are we incompatible?", "description": "yes, i know the age difference might be a shocker (and a sign of incompatibility on it's own), but we've been getting along really well. except for this communication issue that's been going on.   bf and i have been dating for about 6 months now. we've had some concerns that we've dealt with over the course of our relationship and have successfully resolved through communicating them to one another. lately, however, the issue of how i respond to him has been brought up several times.   instance 1: he flipped a pedestrian off while he was driving and i told him not to do that. i made a pretty big deal of it because i think it's an immature behavior that i don't want to be associated with. i didn't tell him it was immature, but said i was uncomfortable with it and told him not to do it while he was with me. he told me later that he didn't want me telling him what to do. so, i asked him how he would've preferred i respond. we didn't really resolve it. but, i apologized and told him i understood how he was feeling.  instance 2: he was telling me how caffeine increases his metabolism. i thought about it for a second and responded with \"i don't think it increases metabolism.\" he explained that he took that as me shutting him down and me telling him he was wrong. i responded by explaining that i was stating that i didn't agree with him. i told him that i knew i could be wrong, which is why i said \"i think.\" he continued to tell me that it wasn't the words i was using, but how i said it.  we don't scream and yell at each other when we fight, but we seem to have these types of fights often. and, they seem to revolve around the same issue: how i say things and how he feels when i say them. i don't think we're necessarily incompatible in other areas. but, maybe we are in terms of what we fight about. i feel like every time these issues come up i'm always apologizing. but, i've always spoken with him, and others, in this way. i don't want to feel like i have to be careful when talking to him to avoid upsetting him. is this a sign of incompatibility? how can we fix this?", "answer": "not necessarily. couple counseling would help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74ccme", "comment_id": "74ccme"}, {"question": "i feel like i simply can't function if i get less than 8 hours of sleep", "description": "the past few days i've gotten around 7 hours of sleep and i've just been in a daze. today was a day off but i feel i've wasted it just laying in bed because i feel fucking awful. i'm so exhausted but am having a really tough time creating a constant sleep schedule. this isn't the best thing for a college student :/", "answer": "i\ufe0f can function with less but i\ufe0f need 10+ to feel good ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "7cc1jy", "comment_id": "7cc1jy"}, {"question": "question about slightly high carbon dioxide in blood", "description": "31 year old male, 215 lbs  just got some lab results back. had a carbon dioxide level of 31, normal is 28. just curious as to what this could mean. if other levels are needed let me know.", "answer": "if this was normal blood work (basic metabolic panel, comprehensive metabolic panel, chem-7, or various other names for some of the most common tests ordered), the result labeled \"co2\" is really measuring bicarbonate and isn't directly about respiration at all. it has more to do with your body's acid/base buffering system.  a number of 31 is close enough to normal that in isolation it's usually nothing at all. the lab \"normal\" cutoffs are all set to catch too many problems rather than miss something serious.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "jt63ax", "comment_id": "jt63ax"}, {"question": "when does a headache require a visit to the doctor?", "description": "f, 29, 260lb   i\u2019ve had a headache for 4 days. it\u2019s mostly a dull ache and kind of everywhere. especially behind my eyes and at the back of my head. last night it woke me up while i was sleeping 3 times, but during the day it goes down to a manageable level. this was a bit concerning to me because usually when i have a headache it gets better when i sleep. i\u2019ve never gone to the doctor for a headache before, i usually just wait them out. sometimes i have had headaches that have lasted several days, but i just feel like this one is worse and my head feels kind of foggy. at what point should i see a doctor? ", "answer": "headaches that wake you from sleep aren't always serious, but they are cause for concern. you should make an appointment with a doctor sooner rather than later, and the er wouldn't be overkill if you start having any other symptoms.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "941yuf", "comment_id": "941yuf"}, {"question": "success with self-medicating and no therapy?", "description": "has anyone here had success treating their anxiety via self-medicating with supplements, nootropics, antidepressants and you name it, whilst not seeing a therapist at that same time? they all say that medication should be followed by therapy, as it is only a bandage on the wound, but has anyone actually found they are right on their own?", "answer": "nope.  in my experience both personally and with folks i've worked with, it rarely works out but just creates another method of avoiding getting the help the person actually needs.   studies show that people experiencing depression and/or anxiety will have the best outcomes with a combo of meds and therapy.  it generally looks like this though therapy and meds> therapy w/o meds> meds without therapy> nothing at all.     it can be really easy to go down a slippery slope of self-medicating with addictive substances which makes the problems worse overall.  supplements and eating healthy are always going to improve your mood if vitamin deficiencies were contributing, but they're not going to solve severe issues with depression/anxiety.     you should never take psych meds without working with a psychiatrist and/or general practitioner.     as far as nootropics go, i can't remember who said this but it's spot on \"if alternative medicine worked, it would just be called medicine.\"  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9hqxcu", "comment_id": "9hqxcu"}, {"question": "lamotrigine?", "description": "hello. so... i had stopped taking my medication from forgetting and recently i started to take it every day (along with my paxil) and i have been getting hives all over my arms? i cant tell if this is due to taking it again everyday but... they itch. should i take lamictal every other day until my body is on it again?  50 lamictal 40 paxil  23 year old female", "answer": "you should not restart lamictal until you have talked to your doctor. if you have missed more than two days, you should restart at 25 mg daily. the reason is to reduce the risk of developing both mild rashes, like what you probably have, and serious rashes (sjs).  sticking with medication is hard for anyone. if you deliberately stopped, it's important to discuss. if it was a mistake, your doctor should be understanding and help you come up with a plan to avoid forgetting again. that's something doctors should do but are bad at; it matters for everything from lamictal to antibiotics to blood pressure medications.  if the hives keep expanding, you develop blistering, or the rash expands onto any mucosa (like the inside of your mouth or nose) you need to go to an emergency room immediately. stevens-johnson syndrome is rare, but it is an emergency.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bxgejn", "comment_id": "bxgejn"}, {"question": "i'm a lesbian. how do i minimize harm when breaking up with my boyfriend?", "description": "i finally accept it.  i have been questioning it for about 8 years.  when i am with him and see lesbians i get incredibly jealous.  i loved the idea of him. i can imagine him being a father and a great husband.  he treats me so well, but i have no interest in his dick and kissing him feels like a chore.  it's not his fault that he is in love with a lesbian.  we dated for about 4 months last year and i broke up with him for this reason.  he kept pursuing me and we started again about two months ago.  at first it was great, but the feelings have come back.  he moved cities to be with me and is staying with me until he finds a place.  i feel so guilty.  i play the girlfriend role really well so i think it is going to be shocking.  how do i break up with him in the nicest way possible?  should i appear to lose interest over time or just do it?", "answer": "there is no harm. you gently tell him the truth. my brother told is 5 year high school sweetheart the truth and they are still best friends 45 years later!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xtni1", "comment_id": "6xtni1"}, {"question": "antidepressants jump starting period (27f)", "description": "so i\u2019ve been taking sertraline for about 3 weeks. i\u2019ve lost both of my parents in less than 6 months and became guardian of my brothers so my doctor prescribed them.   i got off bc last april after 3 years one them because my husband and i were trying for a baby (no luck so far) i never got my period back but over time my pcos symptoms have come raging back.   i took the sertraline for about 2 weeks and all the sudden i\u2019ve had about 3 days of really dark brown blood and half a day of bright red. it has all been really light. i can just wipe after using the restroom and it\u2019s gone until i go to the bathroom again a few hours later.   would this be considered a period? and has anyone heard of sertraline or zoloft jumpstarting a period? ", "answer": "yes. absolutely yes.  i\u2019m a psychiatrist.  (i just wrote you on your other post about your brothers, by the way.)", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "b3qj7c", "comment_id": "b3qj7c"}, {"question": "when medicine fails?", "description": "after nearly two years of ssris and snris i told my gp they were essentially useless. we agreed that i'd stop taking venlafaxine, and start therapy instead. i'm going to see a counsellor soon, and was looking for some of your stories to speak to its efficacy.   while i'm very depressed, i was sure that the physical symptoms (deep tiredness, joint pain, aches) were not from depression, but perhaps a thyroid problem, or haemochromatosis, both of which are big in my family. i've had multiple blood tests, all of which showed nothing to suggest these, though...  my gp basically ran out of ideas and said i should just try therapy but just how is therapy going to help this in any way? i'd really like to know. ", "answer": "i'm a huge fan of cymbalta (duloxetine) vs. venlafaxine.  it also helps with physical pain, too, especially joint pain and fibro.  it's unfortunately expensive, and has the same issues with withdrawl that venlafaxine does, though they are slightly less severe.  as for therapy, therapy is legit 100% the best thing i ever did.  therapy can help in a multitude of ways as modernman2 said.  it also can provide you with a \"baseline\" and a mentor who will be unbiased, yet always work in support of you.  there are many kinds of therapy, and many kinds of therapists.  it make take a try or two to find the right one, but don't hesitate to find someone with whom you are comfortable working with.  i had severe depression, so bad i could not function.  at all.  i went from being unable to leave the house for over a year (i didn't even go outside), to several years later, going back to college and getting a 3.9 gpa.  therapy helped make this possible.  don't get me wrong - therapy is a lot of hard work.  it's difficult and trying sometimes.  it's exhausting.  it's also the best thing i've ever done for myself.  i also think that a lot of our illness is due to environment and life circumstance.  not all, certainly, however a large component of it is behavioral and not merely biological.  whatever you wind up doing, good luck!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yv3l4", "comment_id": "yv3l4"}, {"question": "how to and where to get testing.", "description": "i'm kindof stressed out right now and not really sure what to say in this. if i calm down later or tomorrow i'll try to come edit this to a better explanation but thank you in advance to anyone who responds.   over the past 3 months, i've been recommended that i get tested for adhd or a similar attention disorder from 2 separate people who have it, both drawing on experiences they've seen me have and guessing at past experiences i've had that were right on the money that tie into symptoms if adhd. ive had thoughts in the past about this but have just brushed them aside thinking this is how everyone gets, but the more i talk with people who and do my own research i feel that i may actually have this.   but i don't want to self-diagnose or throw myself into a self-induced panic spree again, so i'm looking for options for testing and diagnosis from some sort of professional, just so i can have concrete answers and my feelings and concerns confirmed or assuaded. i've been putting this off for so long but this is the only way i can think of rn to start the process of looking and holding myself accountable.   thank you", "answer": "where do you live? it's different in different countries where you can go.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "bzlboo", "comment_id": "bzlboo"}, {"question": "am i the only one making sacrifices?", "description": " i (22f) have been with my bf (25m) going on three months and i'm wondering if i'm the only one making any sacrifices in our sex life.  he was pretty forthcoming early on with his expectation of sex every day. he sees this as an important part of a relationship. i thought this was unusual as my previous bf didn't expect sex every day. i'm usually pretty good with reciprocating his sexual advances, but sometimes i just don't want it. he sometimes makes comments that makes me feel guilty about not wanting it (joking or not!).  he refuses to wear a condom because he says \"it feels like taking a shower in a raincoat\". as i am unable to go on the pill due to being prone to migraines, i opted for the implant so as to ensure i don't get pregnant. i've been having major side effects from it and am considering getting it removed (bf does not agree with this - but i don't care because it's my body that's being wrecked). i'm also not very keen to try other birth control methods such as the iud.  i get pretty uncomfortable during/after sex \"down there\". it feels like i've been stretched out and it slightly burns (a torn feeling?). this torn feeling lasts at least a day and if we have sex while it still hurts, it gets so much worse and/or he can't even get inside me. i suggested we use lube to see if that helps but he says he prefers \"natural lubrication\" and that we should just do more foreplay. i can definitely say more foreplay doesn't help. i'm unsure of why this is happening since i do tend to get extremely wet. i've never had this problem with other partners, though i've almost always used condoms, and he is larger than my previous partners.  last night i actually discovered a pea-sized lump just below my clitoris that hurts when i touch it and is very uncomfortable if i sit or stand a certain way. i'm not too concerned at this point but i will go see a doctor if it's still there in a couple of days.  i've had various sti tests in the last couple months (all clear), but my bf has never had one and is not open to it. he says he's clean because he's never noticed any symptoms and i've tried to tell him that he wouldn't necessarily have any symptoms and could still have an sti. i'm concerned because he is so clearly against wearing condoms and has had around 6 sexual partners.  sometimes i just feel like i'm there as a tool for him to get off. i regularly feel shitty after sex even though i'm pretty sure i love him.  i'm seeing him tonight and am unsure of how to bring all this up.  tl;dr - bf won't get sti checked even though he refuses to wear condoms, wants sex every day and makes me feel guilty when i don't want it, i get sore regularly and he won't use lube. noticed a pea-sized lump below my clit. how do i bring it all up to him?", "answer": "why are you with this guy?????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wg2py", "comment_id": "6wg2py"}, {"question": "i'm mourning the death of my old self", "description": "alcohol was so entrenched in my life ever since i was a kid. everything 'fun' my parents ever did revolved around alcohol. having a dinner party just meant getting drunk over a plate of food. going to see family meant getting drunk with the family. the only time i ever saw my miserable parents happy was when they where drunk. when i got older everything i did for fun revolved around alcohol. going to see a band meant getting drunk in front of a stage. going to game at my friends house meant getting drunk in front of a controller. visiting girlfriends family meant getting drunk with in laws. all my life the idea of people who didnt drink was mocked by every adult i knew, wine and beer where the ultimate joy, the greatest thing in the world, the only way any one could have fun. looking back it's pathetic. my inner dialogue still equates everything considered fun relaxing or celebratory to alcohol. i still think to myself i need a 'treat' on the weekends. treats are what you use to stop dogs defecating in the house. i'm scared of the unknown. since the age of 15 i've been known as the party animal, it was my identity. i'm now an adult and haven't got a clue who i really am. if i'm not the beer chugging, weed smoking, wacky party guy then just who am i? looking in the mirror as a full grown man and not knowing who i see freaks me out. the old me isn't there he was an illusion but i wore that mask for so long i believed it was my own face. i don't know who i am but i guess its time to find out.", "answer": "when i got sober and had some time, i felt the same way. i had no idea who i was, what my principles were, what i believed in morally and politically; any of it. i learned so much about myself in the first few years it was amazing. discovering who i really am was a journey that really made my sobriety that much better. then i later threw it away, but that\u2019s another story all together. when i was in rehab, there was a guy who kept saying \u201ci look forward to the death of self.\u201d it was his mantra or some shit. it made a ton of sense. so, i would say embrace the death of your old self, and buckle up and look forward to learning who you really are. it\u2019s a hell of a journey.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cy86vd", "comment_id": "cy86vd"}, {"question": "went to a young people's aa meeting tonight (thanks strangesobriety)", "description": "i mentioned in another thread that a the piece that seemed to be missing from my list of coping skills was having sober friends. in response, strangesobriety recommended a young people's aa group. turns out it was a great decision!  most of the people were roughly my age and it was a fairly large and very welcoming group. as the end of the meeting approached, my plan was to make a fairly quick exit since a lot of people seemed to know each other. i forced myself to stick around and clean up and a guy introduced himself to me immediately. also, this meeting has a regular social planned afterward which i attended. by the end of the night, i had 3 numbers to call and a possible sponsor.   again, the main reason i want to invest in this is for social support and new friends. i am keeping as open a mind as possible, but there are a few things that have been pestering me about the meeting. first, my mind kept comparing my story to others and saying that i'm not that bad off so maybe i can keep drinking. but i also realize that the only guaranteed way to not end up worse is to not drink. also, i am a bit worried about the higher power thing. i am an atheist and i am fine with other's being religious, but i will not fake a belief in a god to be a part of the group. we will see how this goes. i am gonna call the guy who first introduced himself tomorrow to discuss a possible sponsorship. i hope he's not a bible beater.  overall though, it was a mostly positive experience and i plan to use the parts that i find helpful and leave the rest (i.e., god, the belief among some that constant meetings are necessary). thanks again strangesobriety.", "answer": "a sponsor is a guide through the steps. if you're not gonna work the steps i have a feeling that the sponsor-sponsee relationship isn't going to work out. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hapxn", "comment_id": "1hapxn"}, {"question": "hi there, i don't know if this is the appropriate place to post, but i am in dire straights in need to quit drinking. i need some advice.", "description": "i have been drinking heavily for the past 15 years and recently it has gotten worse. the past two months i have drank enough each night to pass out from drinking. this usually consist of drinking between 12 to 15 drinks per night of various kinds. i feel as if i have no one to talk too. not my wife, parents, or every friend that i have had in college because i have disconnected myself with them. for the past six years i have been making around 80k a year, but got fired from my job due to my addiction. now i am making around 15k and am barely scraping by. i have the basic insurance and can't afford rehab at all. when i was 15 i had a deep depression that caused me to gain 40lbs and drink heavily, however this time is worse. i have gained 80lbs in the past year and my health is seriously deteriorating. i have tried aa and other groups, but it just doesn't seem to work. i am in a serious deep depression over this and worry that i may lose my wife and everything over my addiction. my only safe zone is at work, but once i get home i immediately start drinking. my wife isn't really a help either. she drinks a bunch, but doesn't see it like i do. i have in no way thought of suicide or even considered it. that's just not the way to go. i have way to much to live for so i don't need any consideration for suicide hotlines. i am currently on lexapro which doesn't help that much at all. i am seeing my doctor this week and may approach him for information. currently with my insurance it will cost a $100 a night for outpatient rehab. i can not afford this at all. is there free outpatient places that let you stay overnight so you won't drink or free rehab places for a few days? i have no urge at all to drink during the daytime it is only around 10:00 at night or so. i also have sever anxiety from ptsd and am on medication from that. it was fine for about 8 years, but it has resurfaced as well. please, if you can give me any guidance i will be extremely grateful. thanks for reading and i look forward to some advice.", "answer": "just going to an aa meeting isn't what keeps the people there sober. working the program is what keeps people sober. if you're gonna go to meetings you have to throw yourself into the program.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1aihcz", "comment_id": "1aihcz"}, {"question": "looking for a book to help understand", "description": "i recently had a serious relationship end, i believe due in large part to my partner\u2019s depression. i have been lucky to live a life that has been fairly free of mental health struggles, and don\u2019t feel like i have a good grasp on the way that depression effects a person, and their relationships. our relationship ended suddenly, and without explanation, and has left me something of a wreck.   i am hoping to find a text on depression that will shed some light on its effects, and help me understand what she was going through. does anyone have any suggestions?", "answer": "not a novel [but this is a good start](WEBLINK). also has a short video.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "51mcgv", "comment_id": "51mcgv"}, {"question": "had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day, frequent urination then headache after consuming salty chips quickly", "description": "so i had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day i was urinating frequently and drank a good amount of water. so i thought the urinating frequently may be because of lack of sodium, so i ate a bunch of salty chips real quick and now have a headache. and feel bad. i've read that after too many ivs you can cause problems by adding sodium too quickly.", "answer": "why did you need the iv fluid in the first place?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5tm4jo", "comment_id": "5tm4jo"}, {"question": "how to end a fwb with no hard feelings?", "description": "i wanted to be friends with benefits with a man and we both agreed to do it. there is just one problem. i want", "answer": "hard feelings are out of your control. do what you need to do", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sn0yn", "comment_id": "5sn0yn"}, {"question": "in a new relationship, is it natural to want to explore new people or does that signal i'm not really happy?", "description": "i [27/m] just started dating someone [24/m] four months ago and we're not seeing other people. it's my first real relationship. i think he's great and i like him a lot. we met on a dating app. i never deleted my apps and recently an old swipe came through as a match. the new match is trying to initiate conversation. part of me wants to talk to the new match to see what he's all about. is this temptation a normal part of being human and i should just learn to ignore it and focus on building my current relationship, or is this a sign that i'm not totally happy with my current situation?", "answer": "i think you're not quite ready to settle down.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bduqp", "comment_id": "6bduqp"}, {"question": "how to handle anxiety??", "description": "hi, i (23f) was diagnosed with anxiety roughly 3 years ago, but couldn\u2019t find a therapist i clicked with long enough to actually help me figure out how to manage/work through it. the longest i stayed with a therapist was 4 months, and the more i saw them the more anxious i got about seeing them. i have periods where my anxiety is less severe, but it\u2019s been rough lately. between covid, a job that i hate, and my small ass apartment in a shitty area that i can\u2019t afford to leave, i feel like my anxiety keeps getting worse and i don\u2019t know how to talk to anyone about it. i tried with my mom, but i just panicked and cried through the whole conversation and couldn\u2019t string my thoughts into sensible sentences.", "answer": "i think it\u2019s worth saying that finding the right therapist is important but if every therapist isn\u2019t working, it could be a sign that you might need a therapist to help you figure out what is getting in the way by being totally honest about what\u2019s happening in the relationship. so this means being honest about your pattern to leave due to anxiety at a certain time marker. unfortunately the only wayto get better from anxiety is confronting feared situations in safe and healthy ways. since your treatment target is anxiety and anxiety is stopping you from treatment you have to work with the therapist to push through that in the relationship. also recommend a therapist who will do cbt and exposure therapy as it\u2019s super evidence based for anxiety if done right.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "hkb5ae", "comment_id": "hkb5ae"}, {"question": "questioning diagnosis of asperger's - could use some external input.", "description": "i've already posted this in /r/aspergers, but i feel like i could use a broader perspective. this is going to be a lengthy question, so please bear with me.  when i was six years old, i was given an unofficial diagnosis of asperger's syndrome following a 2-3 week psychiatric assessment. there were a number of things that led my parents and other caregivers to suspect that i had some form of autism or pdd. these include:  \u2022 a language delay; my mom used flash cards to teach me how to identify certain objects. i grew past this when i was 2.  \u2022 social seclusion (but not complete withdrawal; i've always had friends).  \u2022 unusually strong rote memory.  \u2022 difficulties staying focused in school + slow pace of work.  \u2022 preoccupation with very specific objects of interest (e.g. the names of songs and how often they are actually mentioned in the lyrics - this has also been outgrown).  \u2022 periods of intense interest in certain topics. i went through phases for each of the following: the weather (partly due to my fear of thunderstorms), outer space, ancient greek mythology, nintendo (particularly the legend of zelda), the middle east, turkey - just to name a few.  \u2022 very fidgety with toys, shuffling them with my fingers and imagining stories based on envisioned characters.  \u2022 sensitivity to sound and touch. as a kid, i covered my ears whenever there was a thunderstorm. i also needed to be told in advance if there was going to be a fire drill, because the alarm really affected me. i always used to have the tags of my clothes taken off before wearing them, otherwise they were incredibly irritating.  \u2022 from the ages of 6-8 or so, i physically and verbally abused myself. i would slap myself on the hand repeatedly until it left red marks, and i'd bite my arm hard enough to leave tooth imprints. i'd refer to myself as \"pathetic\", the \"son of the devil\", a \"bad boy\", etc. then from 9-11 or so, i would blame myself for things that i didn't even do. i've always had extremely low self-esteem.  \u2022 i think i do have some stereotyped patterns of behaviour. from what i've heard, i used to flap my hands when i was 2 or so. i also rub my hands against my legs to calm myself, and there was a time when i'd rock back and forth in my chair to relieve anxiety.  \u2022 temper tantrums as a kid.  \u2022 tendency to be a bit literal-minded, slow to catch on to a joke (mostly outgrown).  \u2022 traditionally uncomfortable in group settings, oftentimes falls behind the conversation.  and yet, even taking all of this into consideration, i have always questioned the diagnosis of asperger's syndrome. the reason is that i don't feel as if i've ever been any worse at reading others than ordinary people.  i am extremely sensitive to the signals given off by others. i can sense when i've made somebody uncomfortable, annoyed, or if they're disinterested in whatever it is i'm talking about. i can discern between sincerity and feigned emotion. i'm pretty good at holding conversations with others, and i have never had any issues with making friends.  however, if you've read some of my previous posts, in which i detail my tendency to be persistent when i perceive rejection, you'd probably be left with a totally different impression. here's the thing - i tend to automatically assume the absolute worst-case scenario in many instances, especially when it comes to women. someone's not replying to my messages all of a sudden? it's because i creeped them out and they want me to go away. it's never their fault, it's always my fault. i'd often say to myself: \"jesus christ, how thick could you be? is it not blatantly obvious that she doesn't want you around? stop being so creepy and take the damned hint. what's wrong with you?\" it used to be that i would get angry and lash out at those who i felt were trying to get rid of me, ultimately driving them away regardless of whether or not they had anything against me in the first place.  then there's the fact that i was a very socially awkward teenager - the kind who openly obsessed over his crushes and acted erratically when he was nervous. my anxiety levels were through the roof. i felt like a fish out of water and the butt of everyone's jokes. i didn't know if i was just imagining things, or if what i believed was the truth.  the bottom line is, i don't know how skilled i really am at reading people. my diagnosis should indicate that i lack some degree of self-awareness, yet i feel like it's the opposite - i'm extremely attuned to the world around me. i scrutinize my every move and reflect heavily on my past mistakes.  there are other areas where i function better than most others who are on the spectrum. although i am averse to change (especially if it's sudden and throws a monkey wrench into my plans), i do not follow a rigid daily routine of any sort. i have no problems with eye contact or nonverbal communication.  and it's not just me, either - there is a lot of disagreement over whether or not i have asperger's, even among professionals. in july 2014, i met a psychiatrist who completely disagreed with the diagnosis, saying there was \"no indication of that\". on the other hand, my aunt (who is a social worker) still believes very strongly that i have the condition. and then there's at least one aunt from the other side of my family that has expressed serious doubts about the veracity of the label, describing me as \"very sociable\". i have friends who don't find there's anything different about me when compared with other people. my parents have wavered a lot on the subject. i don't know what to believe, and i've never gotten a clear answer.  i went to see another psychiatrist this year for assistance in getting on permanent disability ($1500/month). we used asperger's as the justification for doing so, although the real reason is long-term severe depression. i told him very early on that i was diagnosed with asd. although he did run with it, i get the sense that he doesn't put a whole lot of stock into the clinical terminology and likely sees them more as labels.  asperger's is a pervasive developmental disorder. in my mind, you can't just exhibit a few of the symptoms without most of the others. with asperger's, the good goes hand-in-hand with the bad. the inability to read social cues is mandatory for a diagnosis to even be considered. i tend to take things too personally when i really shouldn't (i.e. taking offence when someone speaks to me in a forceful tone), but i don't know if that's what is meant by \"social impairment\" in this context. it's also not something that can be outgrown. if i had it at the age of six, then i'd also have it right now as a 22-year-old, and i'll still have it when i'm on my deathbed.  regardless of what my relatives say, this is important to me. whether or not i have asperger's means the difference between a simple lack of self-confidence that can be overcome with experience, and a fundamental impairment in social interaction that will never really go away. the fact that i have this diagnosis has caused me significant distress in my life; it has made me question my own judgment in dating and relationships. i have never explicitly asked a woman out before because i keep shooting myself down before making a move - \"just because she <insert gesture here>, doesn't mean she likes you.\" in high school it became such an obsession for me that i grew paranoid and began having perception issues. my classmates were really uncomfortable around me because i was behaving so strangely. i also feel like it has been used by my parents as ammunition to undermine my point of view.  does anyone here have any insights into my situation? what advice would you give me going forward?", "answer": "honestly, you should continue to be reassessed. your aunt, even if she is a social worker, should never have her clinical opinion be taken into when it comes to you, her relative. it really doesn't sound to me like any form of autism, but diagnosis online is never a good idea. but seriously, if you don't buy it, keep looking. therapy can help with all of the negative thoughts you've been dealing with, too. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3eb8qk", "comment_id": "3eb8qk"}, {"question": "i need advice on how to cope with thoughts of self harm", "description": "i feel so overwhelmed right now, i'm so close to self harming and i don't know how to deal with it. does anybody have advice", "answer": "snap a rubber band around your wrist, use a red marker on your skin, or squeeze an ice cube", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dmkm6s", "comment_id": "dmkm6s"}, {"question": "how to prep for psychiatry appt?", "description": "hi everyone,   i tend to second guess myself before appointments with a psychiatrist, and i'm trying to go in to my appointment friday prepared.   the situation is: i saw this psychiatrist a few times nine months ago, then i went to rehab where a gp managed my meds, and now i want to start working with her again. what pushed me to make the call was i had this strange \"flare up\" of anxiety, then depression... it only lasted a week (been better last few days). otherwise, i've been pretty stable.   i have a therapist, group therapy, and a \"emotion diary card\" that i fill out every day (ranking the primary emotions 0 - 5).  most of the anxiety or sadness i experience generally relates to circumstances and isn't an ever-present thing. how can i possibly say if i need a med change, being that my mental landscape is the only one i know? (see, it's confusing!)  how to go into this effectively? thank you in advance!! even minor tips appreciated.", "answer": "just be very honest with your history and what's been going on.  they may make some changes, they may not.  the absolute most important things when talking to a psychiatrist are as follows  1.  always be honest with your psychiatrist, especially about any suicidal/homicidal ideation. 2.  always be completely honest about whether you have followed medication recommendations and have taken meds as prescribed.  make sure to let them know if you often forget or skip days. 3.  be up front with your psychiatrist regarding any concerns you have about medication.  remember, just because a psychiatrist recommends something or prescribes certain medication, doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't want to (though you probably should if you trust them).  if you are concerned about certain side effects, want to titrate down, or simply don't want an increase, let them know.  a good psychiatrist will work with you on this.   4.  lastly, always be 100% honest regarding the frequency of drinking/drug use as this can have a huge impact on the effectiveness of medication and could make the use of some medication extremely dangerous.    it's hard to imagine because we put doctors and psychiatrists on a pedestal believing they always know best.  after spending years in the field and working with a number of psychiatrists, i've come to realize, it's just a trial and error type thing based off a highly educated guess that is based off of what you tell them.  this is why complete honesty is key.  hope this helps and good luck!  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6voo89", "comment_id": "6voo89"}, {"question": "[25f] need help overcoming resentment towards my husband [36m]", "description": "first thing is first, my husband is a good man and i love him very very much. so about 2 years ago i left a dream job in a dream apartment to move in with my then fiance (we are married now). turns out i hate my new job, his house is terrible and i have since then poured thousands of my own money trying to fix it up, i am away from all of my close friends and family, and i gave up my most treasured hobby so that we could start a family.   i just feel like i have sacrificed so much to move up here and i feel like i am harboring feelings of resentment. it comes out in passive aggressiveness snd sometimes i even feel like i want to make him feel bad because i am so unhappy.   any ideas? besides counseling. i feel like it is more my problem and i have counseling sessions once every 2 weeks. ", "answer": "you have sacrificed a lot. the thing to do is talk to him about the ways you're unhappy,and try to reach a new consensus about things.  marriage, like life, requires regular re-evaluation, because it's fluid, it's ever changing.   in nuts and bolts terms, you might say that marriage is a compendium of a million contracts, some big, some small.  usually they have to get re-negotiated from time to time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pun0z", "comment_id": "5pun0z"}, {"question": "have you ever knowingly misdiagnosed a patient because it was more convenient for you.", "description": "have you ever come across a patient who you knew had a certain disorder, but knew you didn\u2019t know enough about it to help them so just decided to diagnose them with a different condition and help them with that instead -because it was easier for you. just curious.", "answer": "one diagnosis is not more convenient than the other.  do you have an example? sometimes i have to do some extra research and lit reviews for assessment,  but not for therapy.   i have seen veterans whose disability coverage is based on a previous diagnosis.  if i disagree with the diagnosis,  i won't change it if it will impact the person 's benefits . that's not for my convenience though.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hkifhd", "comment_id": "hkifhd"}, {"question": "im 24m, lots of mens turns around my girlfriend 21f", "description": "my girlfriend and i are in couple for 2 years and a half now. i really love her, but our relation is like a rollercoaster.  she slept with two mans at the start of our relation, so i losed my faith in her. we slowy reconstructed it, and now we live in appartement together. we were pretty happy and had lot of times togethers, talking about everything, our lifes, our lifes goals, our passions, and we got a nice complicity.   but she started hanging in a bar like 4 month ago, a gaming bar. (she is  a lol player btw, gold xd)  she started to have a lot of friends in here, and she started going late. im working at night, so we couldnt hang to much together here, and now i am not a very big part of their friends circles.   but the trouble is, that now she start to hanging with guys outside of the bar. the other day she goes at a guys house, and she only told me when she was here, but she didnt stay that long.  she invited him to go drink a coffee after.   now she started hanging too with a guy that wanted to slept with her when we started to see each others, telling me that there is nothing between them, but she invited him to go ''smoke some weed''  together, and i dont know what to think about those stuff.  man i love her, and i know she love me, but it is very difficult for me to have faith in her. there is so much man that tried her, because she is just super nice to everyone.   she is telling me that she does not know what im talking about, that everything is innocent stuff, that she is happy to be a women that stopped betraying is boyfriend, and to not worry.  but i worry. what should i do?", "answer": "there is a strong history of cheating here and you should worry", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swqa6", "comment_id": "5swqa6"}, {"question": "asking people for help finding a job. ", "description": "not sure if this is the right subreddit. is there a career skills subreddit? anyway, it's social enough.   two years i had a college internship with a company. i am facebook friends with some of my co-workers, but i haven't kept in touch aside from generic \"happy birthday\" posts and the occasional like.   i don't know how to approach my friends looking for work. i've hardly talked to them in a long time. i know they'd remember me, but i feel weird just being \"hey, now that i'm done with college, can i have a job?\"  company background: it was one of many owned by a larger family of companies. anyway, the business i worked for shut down, but many of my former co-workers are at a sister company owned by the same larger group, while some are at other businesses in the same industry.   ", "answer": "you might want to add in a friendly overture in addition to asking for a job. ie \"blah blah blah can you help me get a job? regardless, would you be up for getting lunch sometime?\" that way your job request seems more friendly, and as a bonus if you do end up working there you've made a friend :)  of course, only do this if you actually want to spend time with the person socially. if you hate the thought of hanging out with them, they'll probably sense your insincerity and that will torpedo your chances of them recommending you for a job.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "v8q9g", "comment_id": "v8q9g"}, {"question": "is this an appropriate therapist/patient relationship?", "description": ".", "answer": "it sounds like there were definitely some blurred boundaries and potentially (though not definitely) ethical violations.  boundaries-wise, there seemed to be some blurred professional lines- especially with her calling for \"small-talk.\" while it is not unusual for a therapist to provide a client a cell phone for crises or other consultation, the phone conversations ought to remain within a professional context.   telling a client that you care about them and are happy to see them isn't necessarily problematic (depending on the person's intentions). however, the therapist should take into account how the client would be likely to respond to that.  hugging a client is not necessarily problematic and can actually be therapeutic at times. however- again this is dependent on therapist intention, the context, and whether the therapist takes into account how the client is likely to respond. holding hands- at least in american culture- could be definitely seen as a boundary violation and potentially an ethical violation (depending on intention, context, etc.) it could be benign, but it does come across as odd.   however- if a client is calling drunk and confessing their love for the therapist, he should have had the insight to realize that hugging, hand holding, etc. could be quite problematic.   as far as the hospital- there is no inherent ethical violation at face value. hospitals often insist on patients having a scheduled referral before discharge. intention here is important- if he fully intended to treat her, then his acceptance of the referral is not problematic. at the time she sees him, he had no ethical or legal obligation to do anything about what she said unless he had a reasonable suspicion that she plans to kill herself.   it is a murky, if odd, case. there are definitely some questionable boundaries, but we would need to know more about the therapist's intentions and observations to truly know whether it is unethical. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "413u0s", "comment_id": "413u0s"}, {"question": "novice questions", "description": "i am 16/m and haven't really been in a relationship. i like this girl who is a year older (she's a senior and i'm a junior) and we talk in class and smile as we pass in the hallways. we have two classes and a few activities in common. i tried to set up plans once but she took an hour to respond so by that time i was already busy... we are on break now until the 12th and i am wondering if i should try and awkwardly arrange plans dealing with her vacation schedule and practice schedule for soccer, or if it would be better to be upfront and say something like \"i like you and i want to get to know you better, is there anytime when you would be free.\" i don't want the next semester to be uncomfortable because i am also friends (not very close) with some of her friends so i am wondering which of these courses of action would be better. or if something else would be better. sorry if some details seem irrelevant i just don't know where to start. ", "answer": "i would just say, 'do you want to get some coffee sometime'", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kz0qt", "comment_id": "5kz0qt"}, {"question": "anxiety in good times and bad", "description": "today i'm uncomfortably excited, and i don't know why. it's kind of an awesome feeling, but it's so similar to my default of being uncomfortably anxious and depressed and not knowing why; it's just the positive version of that.  i'm finding it quite interesting that even on a good day like this the anxiety is still there in the same quantity, with just a different quality.  i wonder if i'm manic depressive, my father has been diagnosed with that disorder...", "answer": "glad to hear that you're having a good day.  something that a lot of people don't realize is that everyone has anxiety.  anxiety is a normal part of existence.  it serves an evolutionary purpose in that it motivates us do what we need for survival.    some folks have higher amounts of anxiety than others.  individuals with anxiety disorders are those who have high amounts of anxiety and whose anxiety cause debilitating effects on their ability to function \"normally\".    when i talk of anxiety like this with my clients, i equate it to having a fire burning inside you.  if fire is not controlled and left to run rampant, it can cause immense destruction.  when fire is controlled and utilized in positive means, it can be one of the most important tools we have as humans.    folks with higher anxiety have to work harder than those with lower levels of anxiety, but once controlled and focused, can actually give you an advantage in a lot of ways as opposed to someone who has lower anxiety but doesn't have to work as hard.    as far as the thoughts on bipolar disorder.  it'd be best to avoid looking for any type of self-diagnosis or arm-chair diagnosis on the internet.  if you are legitimately concerned, see a professional.  hope this helps!  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8b7df5", "comment_id": "8b7df5"}, {"question": "sudden blurry/unfocused vision possibly caused by antidepressants?", "description": "age: 23 sex: female height: 5'9 weight: 140 race: mixed race (caucasian & black)  duration of complaint: 4 days current medications : sertraline(zoloft) 200mg                                     quetiapine(seroquel) 50mg    hello! so, 6 days ago i had my sertraline dosage increased from 150mg to 200mg and my quetiapine dosage increased from 25mg to 50mg. ever since, my vision has been blurry and unfocused. i have never had any issues with my eyes or vision and was seeing perfectly fine before the medication increase. is this a possible side effect of the increase? should i be worried? will it go away on it own once this my body is more used to the dosage? i have been on sertraline for almost 2 years now and have never had these symptoms, same with quetiapine.  thank you for reading! ", "answer": "possibly - but it should settle. as a general rule, if it persists longer than you think it should or its too severe, speak to your doc.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6rg161", "comment_id": "6rg161"}, {"question": "why am i so hungry all the time... i shouldn\u2019t be so hungry. i\u2019m eating my calories but i have the urge to eat more more more until i feel full and then throw up", "description": "somethings wrong with me. i want to cry so bad.", "answer": "have you gotten a check-up or talked to your doctor to rule out a physiological cause yet?", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "hlrtp7", "comment_id": "hlrtp7"}, {"question": "getting married in 2 months... extremely uncomfortable", "description": "i'll try to keep this short. i (m/29) proposed to to my girlfriend (f/28) after 8 months of dating. she has a child from a previous marriage. it's been extremely rocky since early-summer and we're due to be married in november. she has gotten physically abusive with me three times over arguments; i would never even think of doing the same to her. in order for her to listen to my opinion on anything i have to basically pack a bag, grab my stuff and threaten to leave. every time i do though she gets aggressive and throws the fact that her child will be heartbroken in my face. we're living together.  the relationship is very one-sided. she does whatever she wants, when she wants; i feel like i'm just along for the ride.  not bragging but i'm very successful for my age so i don't feel like i'm at the end of my rope, so to speak.  i know deep down none of this is right but she wants to work on it. is there any hope here or should i throw in the towel.", "answer": "i wouldn't marry anyone who was abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7063nz", "comment_id": "7063nz"}, {"question": "i (19/ftm) don't understand how i feel about my best friend (22m). not sure how to process or explain my emotions.", "description": "this may be a bit long and ramble-y. throwaway because friends know my real account.  emotions don't make a lot of sense to me. i can understand basic stuff, but when it comes to things like feelings for other people, i just get really confused and it makes my head feel really foggy. i know i care deeply for all of my friends. i do know that i know how it feels to care platonically about someone. i know i love my little sisters and my friends. but i'm not sure if i've ever experienced or would even recognize romantic feelings.  i've dated before. and of course, every time, i thought i loved the person. that's how it goes, and i'm young. i just broke up with my previous girlfriend of 2 years a few months ago, and i was certain i loved her. we lived together for awhile and i was convinced i wanted to spend my life with her until i realized she was toxic and didn't want me to have any sort of friends besides her. she was forcing me to cut contact with pretty much everyone and it took me way to long to realize what she was doing. but i thought i loved her. and i am 100% for sure i did at the very least care deeply for her. even after the break up, i was concerned for her well being and wanted to help when able. but it took me less than a month to be completely over her and to decide whatever love i thought i had either just wasn't actually love or it was already gone.   now, i'm currently sleeping with my best friend of 3ish years (which i would assume has something to do with the confusing feelings). this is where things get complicated and confusing for me. i don't *think* i like him romantically. i have no desire to kiss him or anything like that. but i do want to be able to hold his hand and cuddle him, which makes it a little confusing. but that's not even the part that's really screwing with me, because i get that wanting to touch just comes with sex. i keep finding thoughts crossing my mind about how he would be a good partner in terms of a relationship. as in, i know he's reliable, and would carry his weight, and would be loyal and not batshit crazy like my ex. it kind of feels like logically i want to date him, but the emotional aspect of that isn't there. i think. again, i'm not entirely sure what it even feels like to have those sorts of feelings for someone?   it's taken me forever to get to the point, but basically, i don't know what to do about these feelings. if i try to crack it apart and put it into coherent thought, it seems like i want to date him platonically if that even makes any sense. but it somehow still doesn't make sense to me even though i'm the one saying it. like i could see myself potentially having a stable future with him if i pursued it, but at the same time it wouldn't bother me for him to sleep with someone else. kind of as if i want commitment without commitment. he's my best friend and i want to be with him and yet not like the way stereotypical relationships are. i know this makes very little sense, trying to think about this makes my head feel foggy and leaves me incredibly confused. i had an anxiety attack yesterday trying to force it make sense to myself, for some dumb reason. i'm not even sure how what i seem to want would be any different from what we're already doing aside from formalities.   **tl;dr: i want to date my friend that i'm already sleeping with but i don't think i feel romantically for him. i have no damn clue what my brain is trying to think, i don't understand what i'm feeling or wanting at all.**", "answer": "sounds like your preference is really as a best friend. you'll have to talk with him and hope he's ok with the change", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktd4c", "comment_id": "5ktd4c"}, {"question": "i keep fucking up therapy (xpost /r/depression)", "description": "i told my therapist i was ready to acknowledge some of my feelings and talk about the beliefs that lead to said feelings. this was like, 3 sessions/weeks ago. but every single time we start to talk, i just shut down. i can talk about my week, my day, etc, but the minute we enter i guess real therapy i just shut down. she knows it too. quickly i become quiet and i answer i don't know to every single question. i can't sit still. i do my homework but find it impossible to talk about. she keeps telling me she can't help me if i don't want to help myself, which is true. i thought i wanted to help myself but i keep fucking up and then i just beat myself up. i want to run back to her and talk but then the minute i'm there and have the opportunity to i just can't. like fuck. i'm not getting better and its my fucking fault.", "answer": "maybe you ought to explore with her the beliefs and feelings you have about sharing your feelings. maybe explore any memories related to issues you've had with sharing your feelings in the past, as a child, etc, or whether or not it was something accepted in your family. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "29mkiz", "comment_id": "29mkiz"}, {"question": "when you hug your patients, is the hug comforting to you as much as you think it is for them?", "description": "or even a little comfort.   i'm just wondering if this is something therapists just do to get it over with or if they also find the hug meaningful, important, delightful (as i assume the client does too, of course probably a lot more just bcuz of the process of theraputic relationship)?   i get the sense most therapists *hate* if not dislike hugging their clients for multiple reasons.  i think i'm going to ask my therapist for a hug because it's one of my most important needs and wants. i want to feel accepted which physical touch symbolises. unfortunately my trauma history makes it pretty difficult to find physical touch anywhere else.  if she says no, i think i might even terminate...i hope that's not an overreaction but just because rejection = i'm revolting in my head and i wouldn't ever feel comfortable being vulnerable to my therapist again.   also i'm suprisingly hygienic despite my mdd.   also i am a male minor, a year away from being an adult. and my therapist (female) is early 30s. ik this context may change things up considering hugs w/ opposite sex + minor/adult is something ppl stay cautious of but i'm not asking her for dirty reasons or whatever. i just wanna feel accepted and protected for just once.    also if you do recommend me asking my therapist for this, could you help me phrase it? thanks  sorry this is so long lol  **tldr; want a hug too feel accepted, but terrified of a **\"no\"**,  or my therapist secretly hating it but does it to be nice (a fake hug is worse than no hugs!!). also some help with how to ask would be great too.**   i did ask my therapist once **\"i read in the book x that physical touch can be very healing; do you use physical touch in therapy? like hugs, handshakes, fist bumps etc.\"**   and she said \"i generally don't just because of my training...\"  sounds like a no, eh? i don't know if that's her saying \"back off\" or her just being oblivious to what i'm hinting", "answer": "i would never initiate a hug. if a client asks i generally oblige if it\u2019s a child or another female. it doesn\u2019t happen often. if a male asked for a hug i would probably want to discuss why. i\u2019m female.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwgni4", "comment_id": "bwgni4"}, {"question": "suffering with chronic abdominal pain, doctors won\u2019t help at all. please help!", "description": "age: 18 sex: f height: 5\u20192 weight: 100lbs race: white duration of complaint: a few months location: around my belly button which is my previous surgical site from when i had an ileostomy as an infant existing medical issues: crohn\u2019s disease, and a pinching/pulling pain in my abdomen (mentioned above) current medications: effexor 150 mg daily.  i\u2019d just like to add that i\u2019ve been to multiple doctors and they\u2019ve all dismissed my pain. i think it could be adhesions from my previous surgery\u2019s as an infant. no one believes it because they can\u2019t actually see them without going in. no one wants to operate on me and i\u2019m at a loss. one doctor mentioned that it looked like my family was \u201cdoctor shopping\u201d which is not the truth at all. we just want an answer so i can have my quality of life back. can you suggest what it could be or what i can do? i\u2019m lost, and i can\u2019t live like this forever.  thank you,              sydney toscano    ", "answer": "adhesions from a procedure done when you were an infant are unlikely to suddenly start causing pain almost two decades later. if you have crohn's you probably have a gastroenterologist. what did he/she say?  i would be very careful of exploratory surgery to try to find the source of pain. all too often it finds no source but causes adhesions, and then you have another reason for pain and can end up caught in a cycle of surgeries to repair the damage of the previous surgeries.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aq1cnb", "comment_id": "aq1cnb"}, {"question": "single mom", "description": "how do i tell my son that his dad left us. because he has cheated on us for 6 years and i have had enough of it.", "answer": "i would tell him that mommy and daddy don't make each other happy anymore, and that because of that daddy is not going to live with us. reassure him that it has nothing to do with him in any way, that sometimes grown-ups stop getting along.  assuming that his dad is going to remain in the picture of his life, (and is a good father) then reassure him that he will be able to see dad a lot and talk to him a lot. reassure him nothing will change with him and his dad, assuming his dad is choosing to remain in his life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qeiiw", "comment_id": "5qeiiw"}, {"question": "the detrimentally discriminative practices of insurance companies against adhd patients > 18 => prior authorization horror stories anyone?", "description": "i'm incredibly frustrated right now and not the first time!  i'm sorry if this is a post that appears on here often - i don't have the patience to check right now (ha).  first it needs to be obtained in person from the doctor each and every fucking time.  then it needs to be on a handwritten prescription pad. only then does one find out it needs to be prior authorized by the doctor...at which point i'm both unable to work and puking my guts out from the binging i've been doing.  thanks united health care!       i'm taking vyvanse, or rather *i'd like to be* taking vyvanse because the one time i was able to finally obtain it (legally) it seemed to help...and very little helps.  and it actually helped for two of my disorders: adhd and binge eating...it't great my life does not revolve around binging and then puking my fucking guts out - it's glorious.   what's the fucking logic behind restricting adhd medication to this extent for patients over 18?  that we're all fucking cured on our 18th birthdays of adhd?  omfg do i wish that were the case.  and maybe the gods could throw a binge eating cure while they're at it...  what is the fucking point of all this red tape?  how is this justified?  how is this all allowed?! ", "answer": "i have humana and i actually had a harder time being on strattera than i do now on adderall.   humana denied to pay their portion of my strattera, i had to appeal their decision, and i had to get a pa every year. i still don't understand how something like vyvanse was super cheap but i had to pay an arm and a leg for strattera. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "4395r5", "comment_id": "4395r5"}, {"question": "prozac for pmdd (premenstrual dyspeptic disorder)", "description": "age:26  sex: f h: 5\u20194 w: 140 medications: flexeril 10mg and ibuprofen 800mg ad needed. now possibly prozac 10mg history of issue: i\u2019ve had serious depression at different levels of intensity since i was 10 years old. my mom\u2019s side has a history of severe depression and other personality disorders. when i was younger and under the care of my family i would take whatever medication they forced on me. i don\u2019t remember it helping much. as soon as i emancipated at 16 i stopped taking the medication i started self medicating with drugs and alcohol intermittently (mostly just pot, but i\u2019ve dabbled in hallucinogens for relief). fast forward to now. i\u2019ve always realized that my depression cycle correlates with my menstrual cycle. my obgyn has given me 10mg prozac to take just for a few days before i have my period.   has anybody heard of whether this is effective or not? my research hasn\u2019t pulled up much, but i have read a lot about prozac and it seems that it takes awhile for people to start feeling relief so wouldthis actually be a good option for me?  also, i take flexeril and the drug interaction causes serotonin syndrome, which i\u2019m scared of. i don\u2019t take the flexeril everyday but it allows me to sleep through some neck pain.   edit: today is the first day i would take it but i\u2019m hesitating. ", "answer": "it\u2019s not clear why it works that way for pmdd but not mdd, but brief ssri courses timed with menstrual cycles seems to work for pmdd and that\u2019s the standard treatment.  the risk of serotonin syndrome from flexeril and a very low dose of prozac is negligible.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "90x6vx", "comment_id": "90x6vx"}, {"question": "just received blood test results and i need help figuring out how to proceed", "description": "27 years old 170 pounds  bun: 17 mg/dl creatinine: 0.73 mg/dl bun/creatinine ratio: 23   my creatinine and bun ratio is out of range. what could this mean? ", "answer": "your creatinine is normal, and a bun:creatinine ratio is largely meaningless if bun and creatinine are themselves in the normal range.  there's nothing to worry about or do here.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8jykko", "comment_id": "8jykko"}, {"question": "someone here will know...", "description": "i'm a bit of a mess. i'm looking for advice. i think i may need help.  i'm at a (stuck in a?) stage of recovery where i usually don't drink or crave alcohol. (yay.) i would like to abstain entirely. i keep getting caught (every few weeks over the last year or so) in social situations where its easier (in the moment at least) to just have a drink and fit in rather than talk about it. (yeah - i need a new social life. easier said than done.)  i've recovered to this point from a time a few years ago when i was having 10-15 drinks every day. my tolerance is now (thankfully) quite low and when i have a drink or two i really feel it.  i know this is a dangerous place. i've read allan carr and annie grace and the big book and i know i'm not special. i know i need to be stronger. i know that these few otherwise uneventful occasions with these few drinks are no proof that i can handle alcohol.  in my most recent lapse, someone i am fond of bought me a drink. i just couldn't say \"no\". the evening unfolded and by the end my tally was 1 bud light and 3-4 ounces of rum.  nothing especially bad happened. i (predictably) slept poorly. i've had a couple of good nights sleep since. it seems to have wrecked my week since then. this is my third consecutive day of low mood and poor motivation.  **is it possible that 3 drinks are still messing with me emotionally 3 days later?**  if so it's really illustrating my need for sobriety. if not, then i suspect i have further underlying mental illness or life issues to deal with.  i don't know if i'm bummed out as a natural outcome of being a recovering alcoholic, because of further underlying mental illness, just due to my general life situation, or what combination of \"all of the above\".  my employer offers and eap program and i think i probably need to go (back) to it. in the meantime, thanks for any thoughts or perspective. i'm sure some of you have been through comparable experiences.  iwndwyt  edited to add - my flair is not accurate. i don't whether to have it reset or just removed. i'm not there yet.  ", "answer": "i had similar problems re mood and booze. i always thought it was a mood problem mostly. i'm alcohol free for 7 weeks, and while i still struggle with my mood i am in a much better position to stay in control of things that help me through. having alcohol out of the picture really helps me to see whats what. good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8rdtyw", "comment_id": "8rdtyw"}, {"question": "does my husband (31) have mental heal issues or is he a jerk?", "description": "   so i have been having the hardest year of my life with my current husband with whom i have been with for a total of 7 years. we met in our mid twenties and generally had a pretty happy relationship. things started to go south slowly in mid 2017 with the pressure of getting engaged, planning a wedding and dealing with our difficult and dysfunctional families. in addition we were also starting our careers, living in a hcol area and generally figuring out adulthood. we are also two very different people who came to blows over many differences and were generally poor with conflict resolution.  we had our lows but would always find a way out and be happy again.  at the start of this year, however, things seem to slowly unravel. my husband suddenly started getting panic attacks this january. seeing as he was someone who never had anxiety or panic attacks, he was very disturbed by this. he genuinely thought he was dying, and had breakdowns. i took him to the er, and called the emts multiple times at 3 am as he would wake up in a panic saying he was dying. they all cleared him saying he was healthy.  around march he went to a gp for a checkup who looked at his ekg, read it incorrectly and told him he was dying. within 30 minutes he called my husband back and said actually he made an error and everything was normal. this seemed to have really spooked my husband to the core. after that for the next few weeks he thought he had heart troubles and would not listen to me as i tried to reason with him.  i finally had him visit a cardiologist who indeed confirmed his heart was fine. we then went back to his gp who said that my husband was suffering from extreme stress and anxiety and needed to be put on medication. she prescribed him 10 mg lexapro. the lexapro was a god sent in the sense that it finally erased his panic attacks and shortness of breath. things seem to finally slowly calm down and go back to normal.  a few weeks on lexapro i started to notice slight changes in his personality. suddenly he was colder and more distant. the soft, warm sweetness of his personality was replaced by coldness and anger. now that his panic attacks and anxiety were gone, suddenly everything else was wrong. he said he hated his job that he previously loved and excelled at. he said he was bored and wanted to quit to join the police academy or start his own business, his family and i cautioned him that he needed to not act suddenly and think things through. anything we said that wasn't affirmative was met with resistance and anger.  he also started drinking heavily. while my husband has always liked to drink, his daily 2 glasses of wine have now turned into a bottle of wine per night. he also goes out with his friends and gets blasted drunk and parties and bar hops until 2- 3 am in the morning. when i tell him he needs to come home earlier, he gets mean and aggressive and tells me to stop being a fun killer!  suddenly i am his enemy no.1. he seems to have re-written our entire story where everything about our relationship and marriage is wrong. he hates and resents me for the hurt i have caused him and says he feels trapped and caged. he screams at me, yells at me and has scary episodes. for example, if he comes home at 2 am after bar hopping and i say anything about him staying out too late, he will walk into the kitchen, grab a bottle of wine say he is getting out of here and go lock himself in our car!!  he has also started sexting and chatting and calling with random women from hook up apps. i discovered him receiving nudes from a woman a month ago. when i confronted him about it he screamed at me that he wanted a divorce and ran away to stay with his parents. another time when i tried to confront him again he screamed at me, took his bottle of wine and locked himself out side in our car. when i tried to go outside and get him to come inside and stalk to me like a normal person, he screamed at me and drove off drunk into the night at 3 am. he did not return home until an hour later.  recently i discovered that he has been having sex with hookers in hotel rooms. he has recently started not coming home or coming home late after work. he always stays at the office until 3- 4 am and sexts chats and sends nude selfies to random women based on what i have seen on his phone.  if he does come home, he will stay up till 3 am by himself watching a movie and drinking.  occasionally he will seem to have a moment of clarity, apologize profusely and tell me he doesn't know what he is doing. he gets these extreme rushes of emotions and he cant seem to control himself. the rest of the time when i bring up that something isn't normal he says i am the enemy and he hates me and i need to leave him alone and throws a tantrum and runs away.  i am at my wits end. i do not know what is going on with him. he is an asshole or is he suffering from some mental health issue?  tldr; my 31 year old husband has been acting increasingly erratic, aggressive, mean and is cheating on me. i don't know what to do as this all seems very out of character.", "answer": "hello there. i notice a lot of people are suggesting a number of disorders including bipolar - but id personally be very wary of this. i personally wonder if more is going on than we know.  ultimately its up to the individual concerned to seek whatever help he feels is necessary, or for the op to seek advice if there's imminent risks associated with his presentation.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "d3b7gc", "comment_id": "d3b7gc"}, {"question": "i was just reminded of how i first came across this subreddit.", "description": "about a year and a half ago, i came across this image on the front page of reddit.   it was a meme of the dos equis man (you all know him well, i\u2019m sure) and it said something like, \u201ci don\u2019t always take out my recycling\u2026 but when i do, my neighbors probably think i'm an alcoholic.\u201d i laughed so hard at that - omg, i totally feel that way too! haha! i\u2019m not the only one who has a zillion bottles to throw away! it was such a light-hearted reaction.  then i read the comment section\u2026 i don\u2019t even know what this person said, maybe something like \u201cmaybe there\u2019s a valid reason you feel that way. come to /r/stopdrinking and take our assessment test.\u201d  i came, and started reading the posts. so many things people were saying, i could relate to. sure, i haven't lost a job, gotten arrested, etc., etc. but i could certainly nod my head in agreement to instantly craving a drink (or 6) when things went wrong, and other common thoughts. that was a scary moment.  so, i requested a badge.  and proceeded to ignore it, getting drunk nearly every night afterwards. ha... but that's another story for another day, maybe when i make a formal introduction post. i've already written a lot.  did anyone else come across this subreddit randomly and have a similar \"aha\" moment?", "answer": "holy shit! i remember that meme and remember having the same reaction. i've been slowing down on my check ins here and i needed this reminder that it's fucked up that i drank all those empty beer and wine bottles. i remember thinking about how i would tell someone \"i had some friends over\" if i ran into a neighbor while taking the trash out. my house was the loudest one on the block on trash day. i remember waking up and hearing those crashing noises of bottles hit the garbage truck and feeling so much guilt. so funny i saw this today. thank you! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4295z6", "comment_id": "4295z6"}, {"question": "advice on mental mental", "description": "age: 27  sex: female  weight: overweight  height: 165cm race: australian location: mental health  duration: many years but getting progressively worse.     over the past 3 weeks my mental health has been getting progressively worse. i have no official diagnosis but i have ptsd symptoms and currently on a waiting list for trauma therapy.  my current mental state has been pretty overwhelming. i\u2019m having daily anxiety attacks and crippling depression. i\u2019ve been having daily suicide ideation. i spoke to my counsellor about everything today and he suggested i start seeing a gp to get a medical opinion on my mental health and to medically manage any possible deterioration.   my question is, what do i expect from this? how will a gp manage my mental health? for me, medication is a last resort.   i\u2019m also a nursing student and as much as i want to get help for my mental health i worry this may have some kind of effect on my future registration.", "answer": "hi. i'm a psychiatrist specializing in trauma.  if you aren't interested in medication, and while you're waiting for therapy, you might check out the superb book by bessel van der kolk, m.d.:  \"the body keeps the score: brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma\"", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "blcrcr", "comment_id": "blcrcr"}, {"question": "covid-19 is an unspoken challenge to alcoholics like me", "description": "i have been sober for coming up on 17 months and this is by far the most difficult time in my sobriety. my wife is 7.5 months pregnant and is due with our first child on june 2nd. i am immensely stressed out, anxious, angry, and afraid. we have had to cancel all of the fun support events for my wife, no baby shower, no family events, no visits with friends and well wishers, our families will not be allowed in the hospital, there is a chance i will not be allowed in the hospital, etc. our birthing classes and baby classes have been canceled so we feel unequipped as new parents. the anxiety of all of this is crushing my wife and i am struggling to lift her back up as her only physically present support system at the moment. everyone i know with the exception of my pregnant wife and fellow recovering alcoholic sister is managing their stress though the pandemic by drinking; but i cannot do that. while a tall glass of oblivion sounds better than just about anything right now, i have to remind myself why that is a bold-faced lie for alcoholics like me. if i were still drinking, this would undoubtedly be the darkest hour of my drinking:  \\-i would start fights with my pregnant wife for no reason and damage our bond when our relationship health is more important than ever.  \\-i very well could lose my job as i would be drunk 24/7  \\-i would recklessly spend money at a time when our financial planning for the baby has been significantly setback as we had to pull my healthcare worker wife out of work for the baby.   \\-i would not be emotionally present for my wife, who needs me now more than ever   \\-my chances of catching the virus would increase exponentially as i would throw caution to the wind  \\-i would not complete the many projects i should before the baby comes  \\-i would be creating the sickest version of myself right before i become a father and taking away from the well-being of my daughter by sacrificing my own.  i woke up struggling today, so i wrote this post to remind myself that i chose the right path and temptations to waiver from it are lies. i know many have it far worse than i do. i know i am lucky to still have a job. i am lucky to have a baby on the way. i am lucky to have a healthy marriage, one that took loads of work to repair from my actions before i put the bottle down. but this pandemic is seriously challenging my coping skills.", "answer": "i absolutely relate to the feelings you\u2019re having now, and i commend you for writing this post to get it out. externalizing the reasons not to drink as well as your urges to do so can be very helpful in my experience. it is when i just sit with it and hope it goes away that i get into trouble. a lot of people are struggling now with everything that is going on. so know you are not alone. i appreciate your post; it definitely helped me today.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fu9ia7", "comment_id": "fu9ia7"}, {"question": "zyprexa (olanzapine) for anxiety", "description": "lately i've been having more trouble controlling my anxieties and mood. my psychiatrist prescribed me zyprexa. mind you; i am not taking this on a daily base and i am not supposed to. the purpose of the zyprexa is to help me calm down when i have a panic attack or am about to harm myself.  so i have been feeling restless for many hours now, and i decided i want to give it a try. i have taken zyprexa before, but this was months ago and i can remember little of it.  i read a lot about zyprexa being heavily sedating and knocking you out for an entire day even two... which is exactly what i do not want to happen right now.  what would be a safe starting dosage to try? i have 10 mg tablets but looking through other topics, it seems as if this would just make me fall asleep, when i just want my thoughts to calm down a bit without turning into zombie mode making me unable to do anything for the rest of the day...", "answer": "your psychiatrist prescribed you a safe dosage. you should take it as they prescribed, rather than following the advice of random people on the internet. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5nwu01", "comment_id": "5nwu01"}, {"question": "how can i quell my paranoia?", "description": "i really need (and want) to control my anxiety and paranoia for the sake of having a happy, healthy relationship. for some reason i always fear the worst and almost expect the worst from people even though it's a completely irrational thought. it was for this reason that my ex broke up with me and recently i've fallen for someone else who i've already known for 4 years. and despite the fact we're good friends and i *should* trust her 100%, i'm still a bit apprehensive about taking the next step.  in reality she's probably one of the most trustworthy people i know, so it's not like i have any logical reason to think she'd run off with someone else. yet for some reason i get so paranoid about it. i know i can't expect to have a lasting relationship with anybody until it gets sorted so i wondered if anyone could give me some advice. thanks!", "answer": "may be helpful to just relabel \"paranoid\" as \"scared\". you're scared. is that justified? of course!  you have a very tender heart and a relationship would mean a lot for you, good or bad.   how can you deal with irrational thoughts that are both based in and escalating your fear?  notice them, label them, argue with or ignore them. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6e29jj", "comment_id": "6e29jj"}, {"question": "does he like me? i'm so confused.", "description": "so, i have liked this guy since about january. a bit of a rundown of history, in january we both went to a dance that is like socializing with different schools. we slow danced and he was super flirty and nice and told me i'd do great on a presentation. next day at school i give my presentation and he complimented me twice on how i did. first right before class ended he tapped me and told me i did good and also as we were walking out of class he told me i did good again. also, while other presentations were going on he would repeatedly look at me and sometimes look away but, he'd smile and look at me a lot.  so moving on from that, we kind of stopped interacting. he'd still look at me quite frequently and his eyebrows often raise when i see him as well, like he's acknowledging me kind of. but, we never really talk.  this is the part that confuses me. when we do get around each other like at dances or just randomly he's super flirty and when we talk he always looks directly into my eyes but, the thing is he doesn't really go out of his way to talk to me. now i only see him once every other day, as i only have one class with him so, it might just be that we really don't see each other often. the thing is, we're not really friends. we're more like aquintances. we are friendly but, when i'm in class with him, he'll look at me quite a bit and acknowledge me but, he generally sticks to his table and group of friends and doesn't really talk to me.  so just yesterday we had another dance and we slow danced again. he did the same flirty thing except this time way more intense, he like side hugged me twice and was really touchy, was looking me in the eyes the whole time we were talking and was giving me that super flirty look that a lot of guys give, kind of like the look guys give when they wanna kiss you except it was a public place with lots of people around. at the end of the dance, he like side hugged me, looked me in the eyes and said, \"i'll see you in class tomorrrow right?\" it seems so forward but, with a guy like him who is super flirty and extroverted already i just can't tell. i feel like he gives all the signs but, i don't have his number and he doesn't really seek me out to talk but, granted we only have one class together and so it may just be circumstantial and that it's not convenient.  i feel like i'm way over analyzing this but, i really like this guy but, at this point i'm so confused. i wanna ask him out and i'm not even scared of rejection but, more so the fact that i would have to see him a lot if he rejected me which would make things awkward. but, i also don't wanna regret not doing anything. do you think he likes me and what should i do?", "answer": "tell him how you feel. be direct.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64l8ts", "comment_id": "64l8ts"}, {"question": "resources other than adult children of alcoholics?", "description": "my mom is an alcoholic. at 25, i\u2019m just starting to realize all the negative effects her drinking had on me. i want help, and was initially intrigued by aca.   until i learned it was a 12-step program. i hate 12-step programs. i hate their non-scientific, non-medical approach to treating addiction. i hate their propaganda about addiction being outside of your control. i hate their forcing religion on you.  i\u2019m just not open to their methods. the problem is, any research i do about resources for children of alcoholics always leads back to there. have any of you encountered programs targeted toward children of alcoholics that do not utilize the 12 steps? i\u2019m looking for a good cbt therapist in my area but i\u2019m also interested in something specifically targeted at people like me.   thanks.", "answer": "sounds like just seeing an individual psychotherapist would be the closest to what you are looking for. i will say, for the person suffering addiction, 12 step programs have much more success than anything the scientific or medical field has had, or is even close to having. i understand it\u2019s different for people impacted by other\u2019s addictions though.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "bzw3r0", "comment_id": "bzw3r0"}, {"question": "i missed the opportunity of a lifetime because i am disorganized and scared of paperwork", "description": "just found i lost a place for the london marathon because i didn't do the forms in time. i'm an intern and i got a position in work draw.   i'm not a stupid guy, i do a difficult job and i beat our a bunch of people to get my job. but i feel like this stupid shit with forgetting important things and compulsively putting them off doesn't happen to other people. they just do these things and it's not a big deal.   i'm absolutely devastated, but i knew something would go wrong. it was too good to be true. i had to slip up or i wouldn't be me. i can't just have nice things. ", "answer": "do you think it is worth contacting them and explaining you had some personal circumstances that resulted in not getting the forms in time and see if they\u2019d still let you do it? the worst thing they can say is no.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ao3aiv", "comment_id": "ao3aiv"}, {"question": "my brother's ocd is getting ridiculous and my family doesn't know what to do.", "description": "it started when he started getting lots of anxiety in school. he came home almost in tears every day, so my parents started homeschooling him. that helped for a while, but then he became obsessed with the school and had to eliminate everything in our house that had to do with it. after he cleaned the house of everything school related, he just started hating every object in our house that didn't come directly from our family. hand me down clothes, gifts, everything drives him crazy. he is becoming dysfunctional and he doesn't eat or do any activities with our family. we know he desperately needs a doctor but my parents are worried that he might be traumatized from it and it will make his ocd worse. i know it's bad to ask this sub for medical advice but should we just force him to go to the doctor and accept that he'll be traumatized from it?", "answer": "i cant imagine how he would be traumatized by therapy. this sounds like some strong assumptions the parents have about what therapy does, and how cbt/ erp work. start with some encouragement for them to read some basic info on ocd treatment that includes discussion of cbt/ erp. iocdf should have some good resources. a google search of \"what is cbt treatment for ocd\" will probably produce some good resources. most importantly, have the parents actually talk to a therapist about their specific questions and worries. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "4ow9eb", "comment_id": "4ow9eb"}, {"question": "how do i unlearn bad thought patterns after recovering from mental illness(ideas of reference)", "description": "i have ideas of reference that occurred during a period of mental illness. although i am doing much better, i still associate various neutral things that happen as responses for whatever i am thinking at the time. example: i ask myself, if i eat without washing my hands after using public transport, will i get sick? then if someone looks down, or if the next sound i hear is high pitch, or if someone looks to my right, i associate this with a yes, if instead i hear a lowpitched sound, they look to my right, or they look up, then it's a no. i know that these random events have nothing to do with what i am thinking but my kneejerk reactions are still there. this causes me to have to reject my initial thoughts, creating a two step thinking process, and greatly distracting me. how do i retrain my brain so that these disturbances don't happen? i haven't been able to find much information online regarding this and my psychiatrist and i mainly talk about medication, instead of coping/training techniques.", "answer": "hm. a refinement of your medication might help, but maybe some psychological work is in order?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "55ikrc", "comment_id": "55ikrc"}, {"question": "list of physical anxiety symptoms", "description": "hi y'all! i don't know if this has been posted here before, but i just came across by far the most comprehensive list of the physical symptoms of anxiety i've ever found. you can find it at [this link](WEBLINK) and then scroll down the page (anchor links don't seem to be working right for me, but just scroll and you'll find the symptoms). this apparently lists 241 unique symptoms of anxiety. the next time you're thinking \"could anxiety really be causing this?\" look here. chances are, yes.  my favorite thing about this is the quote from the very bottom of the page:  \"anxiety really can seem to cause almost every symptom imaginable, because it does. it mimics health conditions. it can make you so sensitive to how you feel that normal perceptions feel abnormal. it can create its own issues \u2013 such as causing acid reflux, which then causes hoarseness or chronic cough.  in nearly any mental health book, the list of anxiety symptoms is extremely small, and this leads to people developing even more anxiety as they worry that they may have something else \u2013 that something else may be wrong with them.  but if you talk to people that have anxiety, do research, and learn more about the condition, you will quickly find that there are hundreds of anxiety symptoms out there.\"  hope this helps someone out there! :)  edit: i know this could possibly be construed as reinforcement for some folks, but for me it's a good first-destination; when i would google symptoms, instead i'm going to bookmark this, click on it, find my symptom here, and avoid the terrors of dr. google.", "answer": "great post! and here's another fun thing to keep in mind: physical symptoms of anxiety tend to mimic the symptoms that you're **most afraid of.** why? because those sensations are more likely to get flagged as \"danger\" by your brain, which increases the likelihood of generating more anxiety, which leads to more intense physical sensations. anxiety symptoms that are *uncomfortable* but not *frightening* are more likely to get flagged as \"not dangerous\", which leads to them dissipating over time without escalating your fear response.   for example: my first panic attack started when i had really intense, uncomfortable feelings in my throat after smoking pot for the first time. why? because i had asthma when i was a kid. my brain interpreted the feelings in my throat as dangerous - \"your asthma has come back after 20 years to finish you off!\" - which caused me to panic and experience increasingly intense anxiety sensations. in reality, i was totally safe: i had no difficulty breathing. i just needed to drink some water and watch tv until the panic attack passed. i also would have been fine if i had gotten dizzy or had a pounding heart, because those sensations don't scare me. but other people might interpret heart palpitations as a sign that they're going to have a heart attack!   keep this in mind, because your anxiety symptoms will change based on whatever health issue you're scared about. health anxiety is an asshole. once you figure out its tricks, however, it becomes easier to know when to ignore it.", "topic": "healthanxiety", "post_id": "ejkbmc", "comment_id": "ejkbmc"}, {"question": "how can i cope with returning to work after being attacked during shift?", "description": "a little context: i've worked in a mental hospital as a psychiatric technician for 2 years, it has its perks but it is often a restlessly stressful and socially exhausting job. for those unfamiliar with the job title, we (the psych techs) are the staff on the frontlines so to speak, we work directly with the patients to monitor & record behavior, intervene during aggression, clean blood/feces/urine, organize groups for the patients, talk patients down from escalation, enforce rules & unit protocol.. everything at face value. the hospital i work at has to hire 30+ people a month to keep up with the turnover rate, there is often dangerously low staffing. since they can't staff fully, there's lots of overtime available so i work 54-62 hour weeks. the pay is lower than the nearest mcdonald's so it's better to work all the time than feel like your financially drowning.   there is a patient on my unit that **hates** me for reasons concocted by their delusions and paranoia. yesterday while on their watch (a watch is 24/7 monitoring for safety and belligerence control), the patient demanded i leave them alone, i told them i couldn't and they attacked me. strangled me before throwing me out of the chair. i stepped off the unit by the time the other staff intervened (another patient had to get staff from the back because we were too short staffed to have anyone assigned to 1 the desk), it took me a half hour to stop crying and shaking. this is the second or third time i've been choked/strangled by patients, getting punched, spit on, kicked, clawed or injured in a takedown are all too common in occurrence to be greatly affected by but the strangling is particularly hard for me. i was scheduled a 16-hour shift yesterday but left early because of it and took today off. i have another shift tomorrow but the idea of going back throws me into a spiral of fear and anxiety. knowing how the patient will react when i'm eventually put on their watch again, having gotten 3 or 4 other **incredibly violent** patients in the past few weeks and facing the possibility of them doing something.. i hate the idea of going back but even worse, i feel like the biggest weakling for being so fragile. so hugely affected by what happens to everyone there.  what can i do to feel balanced enough to return back to work? how can i face the fear another possible attack? how can i cope with feeling unsafe and targeted at work?", "answer": "i worked in inpatient psych for 4 years as an administrator. i know \u201cmht\u201d work very well. was there a debrief after the incident? if i were your boss, i would give you a day or two off and then reschedule you to a lower acuity hall. let you catch your breath.   i found that the patients will often tell you what they are going to do before they do it - to some extent- and this is why we used the gear system. do you have a system where by when a patient reaches a certain level of agitation, you call on the radio ? ours was gear 1 (low risk) to gear 3 (hi risk need backup). calling the gears and letting people know what\u2019s up is so important.   i don\u2019t mean to criticize. but i know that if you have a good system for communicating with your co-workers, even if crisis is not yet imminent it can help avoid attacks.  but i\u2019m afraid this is a job that can take a huge toll on you. great techs find that their best weapon is their ability to build rapport, empathize, and sometimes validate harmless delusions to keep a patient calm. but when one of them gets so upset that they mark you for an attack, you gotta have back up.  i feel for ya. i really do. very hard work.  i would recommend that you check in with the director of clinical services and see about processing through the experience with a counselor. you should certainly be supported in your mental health as you are supporting the patients!  good luck -and you\u2019re doing important work. ", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "91n2h8", "comment_id": "91n2h8"}, {"question": "i am 29, have my own business, make enough money, have a loving family, girlfriend, car, friends and hobbies, but for as long as i can remember i've just wanted to die.", "description": "it's time to bite the bullet and just say it. i have no fucking idea what's wrong with me. it's not depression: the doctors are stumped. i've taken every drug under the sun. ive seen about 30 therapists, i've tried yoga, meditation, mindfulness, stoicism, sports psychology, etc.  i've been in the psych ward and out.   i've been tested for food allergies, anemia, celiac, diabetes, thyroid conditions, stds, cancer, viruses, etc.  i am perfectly healthy, at least my body is. i am fit and eating well.   but every day, every fucking day, from when i was 6 i've wanted to just quit life. i don't want to die, i just want to opt out of life. i don't want to do it anymore.   im begining to think i just dont belong. i remember the exact moment this started. it was when i first started school as a 6 year old. i was looking forward to it but wasn't used to the strict rules in place at a school. i kept getting into trouble, over and over again for little things like talking to a friend in class or running in the hallway - things i had never gotten in trouble about before.  over the months i think this battered me down. i remember being constantly afraid at school. i remember after every recess i would go to the teacher on duty and ask if i had done anything wrong. i went from a freedom loving 6 year old to a quite, shy and sad little kid.   it was then i thought about killing myself. i had to go to school - there was no buts about it. i hated school and would just cry and cry and cry, but i had to go. it was then i thought of the alternatives. running away? no, i would miss my parents too much. but killing yourself - that meant nothing. sure you wouldnt be around anymore, but no more school, no more fear, no more anything.   the older i got, the more this became a part of me. it made me feel almost safe knowing that no matter how bad things got and how out of control they seemed i could have the final say by killing myself.  now i am almost 30 and the feeling is worse than ever. i've made lots of bad choices in my life, but who hasnt? i know, comparatively, i am doing ok, but that doesnt matter.  right now the feeling, the mantra, is this:  >\"you fucked up. you only get one chance at life and you screwed it. theres so many things you should have done right but you didnt. you're behind in the world. you need to quit whilst your ahead. it's too late to turn this ship around now.\"  i just cant throw this thought. for every positive thing i throw at it, it gives me 10 negatives.   what's worse is that this *is* me. i don't know who the un-depressed, un-suicidal me is. the depression has been with me so long in such a big way it has become part of me and it feels that fighting it would be ripping half my brain out.  i dunno, sorry for the wall of text. i just had to let it out.  ", "answer": "sometimes letting it out is the best thing you can do, even if there are no answers forthcoming. i'd say your situation sounds typical of depression - the feeling that no matter how productive you have been, it just isn't good enough and you should be doing more.   it happens, in my view, because our brains have a difficult time feeling pleasure and contentment. we keep chasing it, but it seems impossible to reach. that is why so many people with depression fixate on death, because without pleasure the motivation to live just isn't there.   i've spent countless hours myself researching religion and the afterlife, not because i personally want to die, but because it would make life so much easier to believe there is a place we can go where we finally feel contentment and peace.   i hope you figure things out! i know you said you've tried 30 different therapists, but i'd suggest you keep looking for the right one. sometimes it takes years to find a person who understands you. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3e61qb", "comment_id": "3e61qb"}, {"question": "diagnosis ?", "description": "soooo if you feel you have a mental issue or mental block and it is affecting your life and relationships - but you're not quite sure what it is, or exactly how to describe it- where exactly do you go for a diagnosis? i'm not sure if it's depression, or anxiety or what. and i'm afraid of medication. i know how it can affect your life insurance, health insurance, long term disability etc.  ", "answer": "honestly diagnosis is nowhere near as important as the actual symptoms you are experiencing and figuring out a way to handle them.  if you see a therapist you can always request that they don't disclose your diagnosis to you.  that way you wouldn't have to lie on life insurance forms.  therapy with a counselor is generally the best bet.  are you in the u.s.?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6r7f4t", "comment_id": "6r7f4t"}, {"question": "why do i have a headache every day of my life?", "description": "every day, without fail, i wake up with a headache and it\u2019s always in the same place - the base of my neck and skull. i should add that i also live with constant neck pain and the two are consistent with one another. no amount of tylenol, ibuprofen, or excedrin helps to relieve the pain.  i am absolutely miserable.    i\u2019m a 22 year old female with no underlying health conditions. i recently had an x-ray done on my neck and everything looked normal. so if it\u2019s not bone related, what could it be?   thank you in advance.", "answer": "chronic daily headache is a diagnosis, and an unpleasant one to live with. you can talk to your primary care doctor about it. if he or she is stumped, neurology has headache specialists that may be able to help you.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fsg3ml", "comment_id": "fsg3ml"}, {"question": "i (f, 32) told by boyfriend (34) that i am selfish for getting counseling for myself first and not couples' counselling.", "description": "we have been having lots of fights, and things have been bad for about six months.  he previously didn't support me during surgery (went out partying and didn't call for 4 days though we did live in different cities far away at the time) when i lost his baby (ectopic) and needed him.  i have tried to 'move on' as he asks me to as he wants us to get married and 'grow old together', but can't.  so, after many rows, and feeling so low i didn't want to be here anymore (i told him this at the time), i sought a counselor for me at the same time as contacting two couples' counselors for us. i managed to see my counselor first, and he said a few days later:  if you really cared about us, you'd have gotten a couples' counsellor. but you didn't: you just got one for yourself.'   is this right? am i right to feel so devastated he said this? am i selfish as he insinuates?  what do you think, reddit?  tldr: he told me i was selfish for getting counselling (to help me move on from losing baby and him not being there), as should have gotten couples' counseling for us and not just me. ", "answer": "there are many therapists that will see their clients as couples and as individuals. in general, if you think couples therapy is what you want, start together.  if you're not sure what you want to do with the relationship as a whole, and just need to explore your own feelings, start with individual.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xgycv", "comment_id": "5xgycv"}, {"question": "what is \"numerous\" (in regards to kidney stones)? (36f) (5'8, 165 lbs)", "description": "i had severe pain this morning, went to the er, and my abdominal ct results say:   \"final impression: numerous 4-6mm calculi are seen within the distal right ureter and at the right urertrovesicular junction.  right hydroureteronephrosis. \"  from what i can tell via dr google, this is \"kidney stones at junction of ureter and bladder causing urine backup and kidney swelling\" but \"numerous\" is scaring me.  is that 2?  5?  20?  do i need to call a urologist?    bah.  use numbers, radiologists!  i also had a urine analysis (because of course i did) and to *me* it looks positive for a uti, but the doc said because there's only 1 wbc it isn't.  but it's pos for nitrites and bacteria?    WEBLINK  so help on that would be appreciated too.  thanks for any insights!", "answer": "numerous is pretty vague, but sometimes its not easy to count!  its somewhere between 2 and infinity (sorry!)  anyway, sympathies for you having kidney stones in the first place. pretty annoying, to say the least.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "533cx8", "comment_id": "533cx8"}, {"question": "unsure how to progress in my relationship coz feels", "description": "long story short (as short as possible) i [22 f] have been in a committed monogamous relationship (for the most part) with my bf [25 m] for 2 and a bit years now (met when i was 19]. i love him and feel happy when i'm with him however whenever we're not together i get a very serious case of the wandering eye and have a biiiiiiig crush on a guy i go to uni with. important to note here that said crush began last year when bf was away for 4 months and we did sleep together a few times, also bf slept with several people while away without telling me, so it was a fuck up on both parts, he was very angry about my lapse, i didn't so much care about his.  anyway, so i have had doubts about our relationship due to age and not wanting to get tied down too early, because there's much to experience in the world, especially at my age.   i was wondering whether anyone else has had a similar situation and how they progressed? i enjoy the time i spend with him but as soon as we're physically apart i almost couldn't care less and get very tempted by the prospect of other people.   tl;dr should i leave my boyfriend because whenever i'm not with him i think about being with other people   ", "answer": "sounds like you've moved on in your heart;  unless there are specific issues, which improved, would change your heart.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v46ko", "comment_id": "5v46ko"}, {"question": "after plenty of research, still no answers: obamacare.", "description": "hello all, i'm a recovering addict and just hit my 3 year mark earlier this month.   i've been on buprenorphine during this time (generic subutex) and my work's insurance has worked great with it. however, they are changing to a plan that uses \"negotiated rates\" instead of copays. meaning that my measly 12$ prescription copay will skyrocket to around $200 a month.   i'm looking into the aca (obamacare), and i have yet to find any concrete answers in regards to co-pays, or pricing in general for prescription costs.  does anyone here have this insurance/similar situation, and if so, how has it been working out? any answers are greatly appreciated.", "answer": "in order to get concrete answers about coverage, you will probably have to call up each prospective insurance company you are considering switching to and ask them specifically about their prescription drug coverage/coverage of buprenorphine. it seems like many of them do not like to put specifics online, especially if the answer is not going to be in favor of the consumer.  another option you might want to consider is seeing if the pharmaceutical company that makes your prescription participates in a prescription assistance program, which helps people within certain income levels to get free or reduced price medications. bear in mind, i am not an expert nor do i work for an insurance company, this is all information i've gleaned from personal experience. welcome to one of dante's circles of hell my friend, insurance is a bitch.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "53uvla", "comment_id": "53uvla"}, {"question": "i want to feel connected to my husband again and i don't know how.", "description": "i'm [27/f] and lately, it feels me and my husband [28/m] have lost our connection to each other. i believe most of our problems began when we moved into his parent's very tiny and crowded house with our toddler [22mo/f]. i don't feel comfortable, but financial we are not in a situation where we can just move out. i believe a lot of our arguments stem from that issue. i try not to make it a big deal, but its seems like every face expression, sigh or lack of expression i make is scrutinized, even when i assure him it's related to other issues. recently, he's been grumpier than usual and every time i try to talk to him he either rolls his eyes, is on his phone, or playing madden. he plays madden for 3 hours plus and while i understand gaming is used for stress relief this game gets him angry beyond reason and when's he playing he does not like to be distracted, which is impossible with our active toddler.    i sometimes feel resentment towards the game and his phone, because i feel underappreciated, and generally, like a burden when i ask him to stop playing. i feel pressured to be this super exciting person, with these amazing plans if i am going to interrupt his madden time, but usually, i don't have any plans i just want to feel connected to him again.  i feel like i start a lot the arguments because i want something i am not sure i am going to get from him.   ", "answer": "start going on dates, just the two of you. that's how you connected in the first place. and come up with a quality time plan for everyday time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ba8g", "comment_id": "67ba8g"}, {"question": "support groups for \"unusual\" addictions?", "description": "hey all, i'm not really the biggest fan of the 12 step format, but sometimes 12 step groups are the only thing that can calm me down or help (especially bc of a lack of any other addiction support group in my city) - & bc of sum of my issues w/ alcohol i've been 2 quite a few aa meetins b4...   lately it's been more than jus the alcohol tho, i've been hurtin myself a lot, or bein reckless gettin myself hurt on purpose (not in a self harm way, it's not bc i'm sad really, it's not like cuttin or whatever... it just like it i guess, & i can't help it)   i've kinda realized it feels rlly similar to my alcohol use, kinda like i'm addicted 2 the pain   what kinda support group could i go 2 for this???  should i jus go 2 saa (it's not sexual, but i feel like maybe saa might have sum people w/ similar issues?)? or is there something else that would be kinda helpful ?  aa isn't really doing it 4 me anymore.... is there general 12 step meetings 4  general addictions? i jus want a support group w/ ppl who understand & won't judge me... is this 2 niche, or is there seomthing 4 this?  thnx in advance guys   tl;dr is there any support group 4 reckless behavior or pain addiction?", "answer": "check out smart recovery (science based, goal focused) or refuge recovery (buddhist based, incorporates meditation). you could also try aca (adult children of alcoholics/dysfunctional families) if you feel it is coming from a place of childhood trauma.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "c0n9qh", "comment_id": "c0n9qh"}, {"question": "have company benefits; should i tell doc i smoke?", "description": "hey guys,  i currently have a really great benefits plan with my company.  if i tell my doctor i smoke ciggeretes, how will this effect my health insurance? should i be honest? would i have at one point filled out any insurance info about wether i smoked or not (can't recall).   thanks", "answer": "think of it another way - should you become unwell and you haven't disclosed your smoking status, your insurance becomes invalid.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4yebqw", "comment_id": "4yebqw"}, {"question": "why we don't seek help", "description": "sorry if this has been addressed before but i'm in a dark mood today. i really despise the mandatory reporting laws here in the usa. i feel this well intentioned requirement keeps many people from seeking help that is really needed. i mean is it better that people who have broken laws/have skeletons in the closet just stay quietand isolated allowing their issues to build up untill they reach critical mass? i guess i'm just wishing that there was a way to talk to someone that wouldn't burn my life down around me. :(", "answer": "are you aware what the mandated reporter laws are?   unless a state has a law specifying something additional (i'm not aware of any off of the top of my head.  i practice in pa), there are only 3 instances when a therapist would break confidentiality.     1.  if the client reports that they are going to kill themselves.  we have to break confidentiality and involuntarily hospitalize.  this is only the case if after discussing the need for an assessment at a crisis center the client either refuses to go on their own or says they will and we do not get confirmation from the crisis response center.     2.  if a client states they are going to kill or cause harm to someone else.  we must follow the same steps for hospitalization, alert the authorities, and make best attempts to alert the proposed victim.     3.  any information regarding a person who is currently under 18 being abused or neglected.  we are legally required to contact our state authorities with any information we have regarding this.  some states make it mandatory to report elder abuse as well.     you will not be reported for disclosing suicidal or homicidal thoughts, only if the therapist believes you intend to act on them and are an imminent threat to yourself or others.    other than these things, anything you say in therapy will be kept confidential.  this includes past crimes and just about any skeleton in the closet you can think of.     only add on to this is if you are not the age to consent to treatment in your state, the therapist may disclose information to parents upon request.  the age to consent to mental health treatment is different in every state.  thankfully in pa it's 14 which means everyone 14 and above is treated as an adult when receiving mental health services.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8nbhwc", "comment_id": "8nbhwc"}, {"question": "can prescribed doses of adderall xr harm someone with a family history of high blood pressure?", "description": "19 female, 125 lb, 5'4, white, low iron.  i just got prescribed with 10 mg adderall xr and the dose is suppose to keep going us until we find one that works. i told my psychiatrist about my family history but she said that those problems usually start later in life.     problem is, i forgot to tell her that my dad started taking meds for high blood pressure when he was 22. both with parents have high blood pressure problems since a young age. and both of my grandpa's siblings died from high blood pressure related issues, albeit at an older age.      i did start taking coq10 along with my iron every day, but i'm wondering if i'll still be at a big risk? is there anything else i can do to prevent high blood pressure? right now i have normal blood pressure. ", "answer": "adderall can raise blood pressure, but your genetics might suggest elevated blood pressure regardless. make sure someone, either your psychiatrist or another doctor, is monitoring your pressure.  the best prevention is all normal health stuff: don't smoke, drink moderately, exercise, and so on. genetics and time get to pretty much all of us eventually, though.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8uakk9", "comment_id": "8uakk9"}, {"question": "can an extrovert have social anxiety?", "description": "i always thought i was an introvert with social anxiety and i played the part but now i\u2019m getting rid of my social anxiety and i found out i feel good when i\u2019m with people. is it possible that i was unknowingly an extrovert?", "answer": "yes.  absolutely.  extroversion/introversion have nothing to do with how good your social skills are or how much anxiety you have over social situations.  where you fall on the continuum has much more to do with the how you prefer to interact with others and what kinds of activities are needed to \"recharge your batteries\" when stressed.    social anxiety is something that can impact both extroverts and introverts equally.  it causes separate problems for each.  when social anxiety is high which causes people to avoid social situations, it causes problems for introverts because they generally already isolate themselves more because they generally enjoy activities that require more alone and quiet time.  even though this is the case, introverts still do need and want to be social, and this limits their chances further.  a major problem for introverts with social anxiety is it generally causes more harm to their relationships as people who don't understand start to think that the introvert with social anxiety \"doesn't want to spend time with them.\"  extroverts who are socially anxious and avoid socializing can sometimes be hit harder by social anxiety.  the more extroverted you are, the more you need to socialize and have a lower tolerance for isolation, so in many ways, social anxiety can cause more pain for extroverts in this way.   [-the webshrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99d575", "comment_id": "99d575"}, {"question": "low testosterone?", "description": "i am 27 m. i am active. don't smoke and rarely drink. this year i noticed a lot of my hair on the pillow when i wake up. i have hard time falling asleep and feel really anxious all the time, also some muscle volume loss. even though i workout a lot. the doctor at school also said i might have osteoporosis because of my xrays (i have back pains too). on top of that i broke up with my girlfriend and since than i experienced erectile dysfunction with other partners.  i am not a doctor, but through a quick search online all these symptoms seems to be connected to low testosterone. my hair seem to be still ok and i am still fit. but i do really care to about being happy and have a normal sex life. should i take some testosterone boost sumplements or should i see a doctor? what kind of doctor specializes in testosterone abnormalities?", "answer": "an endocrinologist would be the right kind of doctor for testosterone problems, but i would caution that you are not showing any clear symptoms and would strongly advise not messing with your hormone levels without a diagnosis. male pattern baldness is due to the presence, not absence, of testosterone; muscle changes are non-specific and much more likely to be due to another cause, and change in libido and erectile function after a breakup is, again, unlikely to be hormone-driven.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9qfuvg", "comment_id": "9qfuvg"}, {"question": "my brother (14) wrote this about himself today. please remember aspergers isn't all bad.", "description": "i am\u00a0 happiness, sadness, awesomeness, the kind of guy who will just sit at home and watch tv. the kind of person who can both annoy you and open your mind to new ideas. friendliness, creativeness, and inventiveness in people are important to me. yes, i may have my flaws but i try to be the best i can be every day. people who can not accept you for you are not people i want to be friends with. people have flaws, i do too but there are good people in the world and nobody's perfect. ever since i was little i always loved the feeling i get when i am generous. i like being nice, it is what makes me, me. asperger's syndrome is good and bad. sometimes i'm happy and sometimes i'm mad but i think i'm a good person. this is me, i am jeff", "answer": "awesome jeff!  i am more than twice your age and i really identify with your words.   they also just made me feel nice. sometimes sharing what is in your mind can be an act of generosity. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "24g7wg", "comment_id": "24g7wg"}, {"question": "don\u2019t yell at me", "description": "does anyone else struggle with this. i can take constructive criticism and stuff like that but the second you start yelling at me i will start crying.  even though i\u2019m in my late 20\u2019s if someone yells at me it just takes me back to childhood and it\u2019s really quite mortifying when it happens.   i also read too far into the tone of how people talk to me. like even though i\u2019m okay with what you just said i am upset about how you said it. ", "answer": "are you sure it's a bpd thing and not a childhood trauma thing? someone with bpd could easily be triggered by telling too but that's a clear symptom of lingering childhood distress reaction and physiological disregulation. you might not get a chance to control your emotional reaction if it's physiological. check your ace score and if you're 2+ maybe look at that too, along with bpd.  ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "9hi26v", "comment_id": "9hi26v"}, {"question": "i just can\u2019t", "description": "recently i realized, that i have problems doing things, because other people may think bad things about me because of what i did.   that might be confusing so let me give you an example. i am quite scared of going to a random girl i like and introduce myself, because i am worried, that she will think, that i am weird or creepy.  it\u2019s not that bad, but i think you understand. how to overcome this type of insecurity? do you have some tips or tricks that you use?", "answer": "i can't tell you how to do this, but it can be helpful to find some way to stop caring if the person doesn't like you.     not everyone's going to like you.  a lot of people are going to think you're weird throughout your life.  it won't kill you.  a lot of people are going to like you, some of them will like you particularly for the thing or trait that makes others think you're weird or creepy.     so in the case of the random girl you like... she may like you... she may find you weird and creepy... or somewhere in between.  if it's good... great!  if not, then you'll find others you like if you keep your mind and eyes open.     focus more energy on finding the people who like you and writing off those who find you weird and creepy instead of worrying so much about pleasing everyone (because this is an impossible task)   best of luck!    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8n924b", "comment_id": "8n924b"}, {"question": "help. dissociation on lexapro.", "description": "age: 24  sex: female  height: 5'2  weight: 90lbs  duration of complaint: 4  days  any existing relevant medical issues: anxiety, panic disorder, depression  current medications: lexapro   i've had a history of dissociative episodes due to severe anxiety/panic disorder and depression (usually brought on by a trauma, binge drinking or reckless behavior). i started taking lexapro a few months ago and my dosage was upped from 10mg to 20mg to see if my anxiety could be improved. i began with memory problems a couple of weeks ago (watched a ufc event that i'd been looking forward to for months, only to freak out the next day because i was convinced i'd missed the entire thing), and then 4 days ago i began with an episode of dissociation (depersonalization, to be exact).   is this likely to persist or can/will it wear off? i'm considering going back down to 10mg to see if that helps, or coming off it altogether if it doesn't, but it had been really helping up until this point so i'd really like to avoid coming off it entirely. i'm just exhausted from having to focus on everything especially hard, i'm making a lot of careless mistakes all of a sudden and forgetting things that i did 5 minutes ago, which is really frustrating, especially with work and when i take care of so many animals. i usually welcome a dissociative episode as it's kind of like a mini break from reality, but they only usually last for 1-2 days, so this whole being half in and half out of my own mind and feeling like i'm in a dream for 4 days is just tiring now.   update: went back down to 10mg and now everything is fine again. thanks for the advice!", "answer": "you've had dissociative episodes before taking escitalopram, so why do you think its the drug doing it now?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5lpoj2", "comment_id": "5lpoj2"}, {"question": "delirium after a seizure. first time it happened.", "description": "throw away account, sorry.     my wife \\[26f\\] has mild seizures almost every night (they don't put her unconscious, or violently shake. just extremely weak and some face twitching during it. includes dizziness and stomach pain)  . includes intense stomach pain and some parts of her go numb or tingly, but come back. she hasn't had a stroke. we have no insurance so we only go to the er which they can't do much either. so at this rate we're just living with seizures and no one knows what is causing it. the er did a head ct scan, checked her stomach and surrounding organs with an ultrasound. er doctor confirmed no signs of stroke. they actually didn't even say seizure. her heart looks fine too apparently even with all the chest pains she gets too.     so recently, first time, after a seizure came delirium. my wife in a state that seems high and pretty confused. when it happened, the next morning it was gone and she was normal. again this happened last night, but it is still active this morning. she still is delirious. she is still able to handle herself, but her personality is obviously different.     the only thing she takes is meletonin at night to help sleep. we're going to dial that back just in case that's the problem, but does any one have any info on this?", "answer": "confusion and bizarre thinking or behavior after a seizure is common, and called a postictal state.  if your wife is having frequent seizures, she needs a diagnosis and ideally anti-epileptic medications. i realize that can be hard without insurance, but try calling and seeing if there is any way you can get medical assistance or a waived/reduced fee for seeing a neurologist.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ef66cg", "comment_id": "ef66cg"}, {"question": "i have also requested a badge.", "description": "hi everyone.   i have been a mostly weekend binge drinker since the age of 15.  i am 26 now.  it's gotten gradually worse within the last 3 years since i started working full time upon graduating from college.  that seems ironic, but i went to a commuter school so there wasn't much of a social outlet.     to my surprise, i took the who evaluation and scored a 25.  i've been really good about ignoring my problem.  i've also never considered myself an alcoholic because i don't drink everyday, but now i believe forms of alcoholism may come in all shapes and sizes.  am i right in this thought?     i want to stop drinking (and other drugs).  i'm missing work, the feelings of self-loathing are overwhelming, and i've been unable to move forward with goals i have for myself.  i want to learn to cope with my fears and anxiety through a better, healthier outlet.    thanks for reading. ", "answer": "you are absolutely right in the assumption that alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes. if there were a cut and dry standard for alcoholism, very few people would ever recover, because there is almost always a way to disqualify yourself and justify your actions. i'm 18 now got sober at 17. if i looked at the things that disqualified me as an alcoholic, i'd be hammered right now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fqpof", "comment_id": "1fqpof"}, {"question": "need some advice! i'm a 35(f) in a 8 month long relationship with a 30(m).", "description": "so i was going through facebook on my laptop, and noticed that my boyfriend had left his email account open. i was going to close it, and i went to the tab where his email was and there was some email that he had marked as \"important\". i noticed that most of the email marked in that file wasn't new, but what concerns me the most is that he had sent some replies that were craigslist ads about m4m. some of the ads were him replying saying that he can top or bottom, and replying to trannies. he has never told me that he's bisexual. most of those emails were back in 2014, and i did read in some of them that he mentioned using condoms. his last reply to an ad that was headlined \"hot dad needs to be sucked m4w\" to which his response was \"hey there stud! i'm about 6 feet tall, in reasonable shape, white & liking you're cock! text me for pics ***-****\" which was on 6/21/2016, just 3 days before we met.   tl;dr  do i confront him about his sexuality? or do i keep quiet about it? not sure what to do, but i'm really confused! ", "answer": "you have a right to know his sexuality. don't be confrontational; just talk", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uje0z", "comment_id": "5uje0z"}, {"question": "there's definitely something wrong with me.", "description": "i'm 18. i just started university last month, and for my entire time here, i've had multiple crying spells a week. i feel alone and unable to relate to anyone. i've got a few friends whom i met through my roommate, and i'm with them i feel fine. but the real problems come when i'm alone or in class. everything seems helpless at that point.  i feel as if everyone else has someone to hang out with no matter what, and i'm just left alone. i have a hard time meeting people. when i try to speak to anyone i don't know, i play through scenarios in my head of how i think the meeting will go. they usually end with them awkwardly staring at me and me sulking away, or them completely shunning me, failing to acknowledge my existence.  i'm also mortified of rejection. if there's even the slightest hint in any interaction, i'm driven into a state of paranoia and i try and do anything within my power to avoid losing them, or worse, to keep them from judging me.  i'm seeing a doctor this week hopefully. i'll post again here if anyone cares.  **edit: excuse the brevity, i haven't really been able to concentrate lately.**", "answer": "i might be able to help. that was kinda like me last year, i was at a college out of my state and didn't know anyone, and felt out of place. i am a rather shy person so it takes me a while to get to know people and trust them. believe me, it will get better. you will find yourself meeting more and more people. in some of my classes i was 1 of 500, about half way through the class i started meeting people and sitting by them and before i knew it they had become really good friends with me. it just takes time. remember the first month of college is hard on everyone both emotionally/mentally and physically. you should get the hang of it shortly. also if you have any particular interests or hobbies there are groups on campus that you can join to meet people with the same interests. good luck! and remember if 1 person is an asshole forget them because there are 4000-20000+ more people out there.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "11hpmd", "comment_id": "11hpmd"}, {"question": "father-in-law (45yo) having recurrent episodes of confusion, fatigue, pins-and-needles in extremities, erratic behavior; normal ekg x2, normal blood panels x2, normal ct", "description": "**background/initial episode**  hello. my father-in-law is a white, male farmer, 45 years old, and has had four separate episodes. the first was limited to rather extreme diaphoresis and malaise, though it resolved after about an hour. he is overweight, though not obese (unsure of his bmi). he has a 20-30 pack year history of smoking, and partakes in marijuana use occasionally. his medications include(d) phentermine (6 months, unknown specifics), methylprednisolone (no other details), and no multivitamins/supplements. no family history of heart disease or neurological disorders, past history of lipid elevation, no chronic hypertension. this first episode occurred while they were in jamaica, five days after which they returned to the states.  ​  **second presentation: visit to the er (normal ekg, normal ct, normal hematology save low kidney function)**  the second (about a week after returning from their trip) occurred from 3pm through the evening while tending to his cattle. he called me with a blood pressure of 164/78, describing pins-and-needles in all four extremities and a feeling of \"being off\". once more, the diaphoresis occurred and he began to feel confused, anxious, and quite fatigued. he arrived at the er and was triaged as a stroke, after he began having difficulties speaking, described as babbling on and being unable to find words. an ekg, head ct, and blood panel (unsure what it included, though i assumed cbc and cmp) all came back normal, except for what was described to them as a minor decline in kidney function. he was irritable in the er, refusing sedation and being very reluctant to have iv (dextrose?) administered. the episode was explained as dehydration worsened by his long use of the phentermine. he was given hydroxyzine and sent home to rest, continue hydrating, and begin a ketogenic diet.  ​  **third presentation; pcp visit (normal ekg, normal hematology)**  the next day, around 9am, he began to feel the same symptoms while heading to his feed lot. on his way to his pcp, his truck broke down. he called his father to pick him up and take him to the office, but he was unable to describe where he was, despite his location being somewhere he has frequented multiple times a day for over forty years. his again appeared distressed and somewhat confused, describing the same paresthesia, malaise, sweating, and anxiety. at his pcp, his bp was 120/72, an ekg returned normal, and he was sent home to rest while blood panels were confirmed. again, i don't know what the panel entailed, but it returned normal and he was asked to call if another episode occurred. though another full episode did not occur, when heading with his wife in the car to make sure his cattle were secured, he mentioned he was quite tired and had he drive. he immediately fell asleep.  ​  **today**  this morning, at 10:00am, he described the same set of symptoms and is currently headed to his pcp for examination.  more than anything, i want to see if this presentation sticks out to anyone, and most importantly where they should go. their pcp seems to be waiting and waiting for a signs to emerge, though they don't really have the ability to set life aside while this occurs, mainly due to extreme financial pressure. i mentioned they might plan to see an endocrinologist or neurologist. his behavior is so incredibly out of character, but this has all occurred within a two-three week period. i've tried to find similar cases, and looked at reactive hypoglycemia, b12 deficiency presenting without anemia, insulinoma, other endocrine and metabolic cases, transient ischemic attacks and many others, though not having any labs or ability to examine him, plus of course not being a medical professional, has made my exercises fairly meaningless. i appreciate any help. let me know if you have questions that i didn't answer  ​  edit: i realize this may not qualify as a **minor** medical issue. i don't expect a diagnosis to come out of this, nor will i assume any suggestions are definitive. like i said, i really want to have advice for their next steps if their pcp tells them once more to just wait.  ​  edit 2: forgot to note that i asked him very directly if the paresthesia was purely pins-and-needles, or if he had any numbness. he denied any numbness", "answer": "i can't make a diagnosis, but that does sound concerning to be for transient ischemic attack (tia), which is a stroke that resolves before permanent damage is done. one thing that probably should be done, if it wasn't in previous imaging, is examination of his carotid arteries. and then there's a standard set of interventions to reduce stroke risk, which aren't a bad idea for anyone but are very important for someone who might be having multiple near-stroke events.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9it3ct", "comment_id": "9it3ct"}, {"question": "finaly gonna go see a psychiatrist", "description": "after years and years dealing with what i'm sure it's depression and strong suicidal thoughts, i'm finally gonna see a professional tomorrow, i don't know if it'll help, but at least i'm trying. it'll be my first time, any tips? ", "answer": "be prepared that a psychiatrist generally does not do talk therapy; they are more for psychotropic medication management. so don't be surprised if you talk to them for 45 minutes then they send you away with a prescription and that's it. i would highly advise also seeking out the services of a therapist so you can talk through some of your issues and learn some coping skills and techniques. this is very important; psychotropic medications are meant to be used in conjunction with talk therapy. see if your psychiatrist has any recommendations. good luck! and always be honest (especially about suicidal thoughts/feelings), they are not there to judge you, they are there to help you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "9d1uvn", "comment_id": "9d1uvn"}, {"question": "need advice [serious replies only]", "description": "a few months ago, at work, a guy kept pestering me to give him my number. i did (no idea why i didn't give him a fake- low point in my life and relationship). he texted me and (like when we were in person), i told him i was in a relationship and shouldn't talk to him. i told him i was attracted to him and i hope he had a safe trip, but i shouldn't have given him my number and to not contact me again. we exchanged maybe 6 messages and i blocked him and have never had any form of contact with him since.   this was about 6 months ago and i still feel terribly guilty inside. i don't want to tell my so and ruin our relationship. should i? ", "answer": "no. let it go. no point.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ejkow", "comment_id": "6ejkow"}, {"question": "i'm scared to tell my therapist that his treatment plan isn't working for me.", "description": "started seeing doctor once a week for 5 weeks now. since the first visit we have been doing meditation/hypnosis for ~10 minutes, talking for a few minutes (no more than 20 minutes), and then i'm on my way. he wants me to master the art of meditation because \"it is a powerful tool\". his credentials say i should trust his judgment, because i'm just the weird girl whose face turns red with the slightest emotional disturbance and he's the expert, but i have seen absolutely no change in my social anxiety in 5 weeks. i'm ready to try something different, but in the back of my mind i'm wondering if i will look stupid or noncompliant for \"failing\" at mastering meditation. i've tried, but i honestly don't think it's the treatment i need. what i want to do is discuss my anxiety, history, triggers, and understand why my body and mind are in this vicious dance but i don't know how to bring this up with him since he seems so set on the idea of mindfulness. and most importantly, the thought of this confrontation is an absolute nightmare.", "answer": "psychologist here with credentials.  please do speak your mind and ask for the specific types of help you think you need.  there are many ways to arrive at the goal (which is less stuckness imho, not less anxiety per she).  mindfulness is a good entry but not if you can't engage it right now.  together you can figure out a better way in.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "3iewdt", "comment_id": "3iewdt"}, {"question": "i don't know wtf to do. my wife[28/f] just told me [31/m] she never wants kids.", "description": "she has said she will never be able to give children to me, her choice, that's fine, it's not medical, she just hates the idea of having a child because she won't be able to do whatever she wants. she's even planning on getting a hysterectomy at 30. all things she revealed for the first time tonight after 5 years of friendship and a year of marriage. she's known i've always wanted one or two. she just sprung this on me. i love her to death, i don't know what to do. i feel betrayed and hurt but she's my wife, i will always love her.", "answer": "you have to decide if this is a non-negotiable--a deal breaker.   very sad quandary", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qn8mw", "comment_id": "5qn8mw"}, {"question": "how do you communicate to get through to patients?", "description": "i understand firsthand how difficult it can be to internalize the advice of others, their words seeming to go in one ear and out the other. breakthrough insights seem to instead be more easily realized from within. i often wonder how much advice i give that doesn't quite reach the recipients.  how do you shape your communication to get advice through to your patients?", "answer": "generally by leaning back until they are paying attention. i don't always feel obligated to talk or fill silences.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehlt10", "comment_id": "ehlt10"}, {"question": "is it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "description": "i'm 17. i finished high school a few months ago. my high school has a tradition where the seniors on their last day all say their good byes to each other and the other grades. i gave hugs to guys and girls. usually i just give guys some dap ( a bro handshake), but i figured since it was our last day of high school, and i'm never going to see many of these people again, i'll give everyone hugs.  all the girls didn't mind when i gave them hugs. however, some of the guys didn't like that. i mean most of the guys didn't mind. but some of them, when i tried to give them a hug stated, \"you want a hug?\", like they were weirded out. when i tried to give them hugs they kind of pushed me off.  is it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "answer": "nope, not inherently.  very much depends on culture though as to how close you have to be to someone to hug them.  i'm a guy and i hug most of my guy friends in greeting or saying goodbye who are comfortable with it.       for instance, my family is an east coast, mostly irish and italian heritage.  we're very overt with displays of affection.  my wife still jokes about how uncomfortable she felt when we were newly dating coming to parties of my big extended family and getting hugged and kissed on the cheek.  it's normal for us, but for her family, very strange.     flipside, i visit her family in the mid-west.  lovely people, but very reserved compared to what i'm used to.  they used to make jokes about me always going in for a hug as i didn't realize until after, they felt a little weird that i was going in for a hug after meeting and leaving the first times.     on one more note, some people just don't like to be touched.  if by their body language you get a sense someone is weirded out, don't force hugs.  ask if you can give them a hug.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "95wd10", "comment_id": "95wd10"}, {"question": "should i come out in a christian all girls school?", "description": "so more than ever i\u2019m coming to understand i\u2019m gay or bi (honestly i\u2019m not fully sure, but definitely not straight...) and i\u2019m finding it really hard to hold in. i want to be able to talk about it openly and start to figure myself out.  but my school is super christian, to the point where we had an assembley telling us these kinds of feelings are just us getting confused. i\u2019m worried about coming out and it spreading across school. mainly about girls being weirded out or uncomfortable around me or even opening myself up to bullying for it.  ive told some friends outside my school but nobody inside. honestly i don\u2019t trust them not to tell anyone. is it worth coming out and maybe opening myself up to the hate or should i just hold it in and wait until im in a better environment?  really unsure \ud83d\ude2b would love any advice.", "answer": "do you feel like you would be safe if you came out?", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "cciyk0", "comment_id": "cciyk0"}, {"question": "unhelpful therapy", "description": "i admitted myself to my local hospital back in april because i was feeling extremely suicidal and frightening myself with my thoughts, and was assigned a random therapist before leaving.  i've been seeing him every week/couple of weeks since then, and haven't noticed any bit of improvement at all.  and i'm honestly not that surprised, considering he's focused on nothing but my anxiety this entire time. not once has he addressed the fact that i've been abused by my mother, that i was sexually assaulted by 2 people within a 2 month period when i was 15, or any of the other mental health issues i've been having.  i managed to get him to focus on my self harm last time, but only because i had actually harmed myself before that appointment. and his solution was to have me do things i enjoy - which is a problem because i don't enjoy anything anymore - and to flick my wrists with a rubber band whenever i felt the need to harm myself. the only thing this has accomplished is giving me another way to harm myself. my thighs are covered in cuts, and my wrists are covered in red welts.  i don't see him again until wednesday, and i don't feel confident in my ability to get him to focus on anything else.  and i don't know if i can request another therapist, because he was assigned to me and i have no idea who to talk to about seeing someone else.  sometimes living in canada with free health care means you have to deal with whatever help you get...", "answer": "couple of things to consider here.    on one hand, it sounds like you have some pretty serious issues going on.  unless you're currently in crisis, any good therapist is going to take some time to actually get to know you and let you get to know them, otherwise you might as well be talking to a wall.  if someone comes in for a first session and tries to spill all of their trauma or very serious mental health issues, i stop them because we need to build a relationship first and i need to make sure they have the coping skills to deal with processing all of that.  when therapists don't do this, that's one of the reasons you get people commonly saying \"i go to therapy and talk about everything and feel worse than when i went in.\"  on the other hand, i generally say to give it 3 sessions (which it sounds like you've already had).  if you don't feel like your therapist is a good fit personality wise, move on.    if you like your therapist overall and feel as though it's a good personality match up between the two of you, but you're unhappy that they're not getting right into your trauma and self-harm, give it some time and take it a bit more slowly.    if you just feel like there's no real connection there at all, move on.  not sure what that entails in canada as a i practice in the us but therapists are generally obligated to help refer you to someone else if you feel as though it's not working out.  we're used to \"getting broken up with\" and the majority of us (the ones who maintain professionalism) don't take it personally and certainly don't take it out on the client.  hope this helps.  let me know if you have any follow up questions!  -the web shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6rihdo", "comment_id": "6rihdo"}, {"question": "homesick", "description": "i'm sitting in a hotel room in florence. most people would be thrilled, i'm sure, to be in a place they've dreamed of being in for their whole life.  but i feel so alone, even though i have 3 roommates. i miss my son, i miss my husband, and i really miss my bed. i miss being home.  i know i'm just feeling homesick, but putting a name to the feeling isn't exactly helping me out. every time i pass by a small child, or a couple holding hands, i just get this sharp pain and a little moisture in my eye--like i'm two steps from crying.  i've traveled and lived away before, but for some reason this is different for me. i feel so sad. i wish someone would give me a hug and tell me everything is fine; even though i know it i need someone to say it.", "answer": "how long are you away for?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2655yu", "comment_id": "2655yu"}, {"question": "at this moment, trying to keep myself from running to the bar.", "description": "i had to reset my badge for friday, but i've been doing very good about not going overboard.  but this weekend has been almost too much. my girlfriend disrespected me to the point where i have to consider if i want to continue the relationship. and this morning, i get an email from my roommate telling me that he needs me to move out so that his friend can move in at the beginning of march. i feel particularly disrespected that he didn't have the courage to say this to me in person & instead emailed me from 30 feet away. he suffers from a psychological disorder that makes him delusional at times, and while he has no legal basis to push me out, his delusions have become too much for me to handle any longer and am glad to leave  but this has complicated things since i'm starting my first semester of grad school at harvard (yay!), but i had to put down this terms tuition in full and i've been in between jobs, while watching my savings dwindle...  the storm in my chest says to say \"fuck it\" and take off from all these problems inside my apartment and to park my ass at the bar up the street.  i just want some encouragement.", "answer": "it's a trick that alcohol wants you to believe. drinking because of the shit going on in your life is only going to make all that more complicated and you'll add the worry and stress of drinking to it.  it's a lie founded only in the several minutes of numbness that is followed by regret and disappointment. keep reaching out like this and it sounds like these issues are really just poorly timed, not things that were really unexpected. they can disrespect you and it's not your fault but you can disrespect yourself a lot more thoroughly.  don't listen to its lies. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "41fu7i", "comment_id": "41fu7i"}, {"question": "crying when my parents have sex??", "description": "so long story short my parents have been divorced my entire life and every now n again my dad pops in. usually, so they can have some sort of romantic and sexual relationship again. when i was younger i used to cry and feel angry when i heard them have sex. i didnt feel this way about other people having sex, until now i just feel grossed out by the idea. i know it's normal, but i dont understand why i used to cry and feel hurt by them having it. i was thinkin it might have something to do with how i dont really like my dad. but now hes back again and it makes my sister and i extremely uncomfortable to hear them. she begins to cry when they have sex now because she can actually comprehend what's happening. why do i feel so angry and annoyed when i hear them have sex? i've looked it up and other people feel the same way but i still dont really know why.", "answer": "it makes total sense that you feel this way.  based on what you are saying,  your parents are not using appropriate discretion,  and that is a huge boundary violation for you and your sister.  i would guess that sex in itself is not the problem,  it the poor boundaries that are upsetting you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdzwlm", "comment_id": "hdzwlm"}, {"question": "is it safe to stay up after taking melatonin?", "description": "in my school a lot of kids are getting sick, and earlier today i started getting body aches and headaches, and ~12 hours ago i got the chills and a bad stomach ache. also have mild diarrhea.  anywho, i took 2 500 mcgs of melatonin (1 mg) 2 hours ago and i still don\u2019t feel in the slightest bit tired. is it safe to stay up, or should i try taking more? thanks in advance", "answer": "it's safe not to sleep after taking melatonin. the purpose of melatonin is to help you feel tired and ready to sleep, mostly by augmenting or replacing the hormone signaling of your circadian rhythm. it doesn't work anything like sedative-hypnotics (sleeping pills). although it's a fine distinction, i would say melatonin acts less to make you tired and more to make you less awake. it helps you be ready to sleep, but it doesn't force you to sleep, if that makes sense. the effect is better for times when your schedule is disrupted from what it would naturally be, whether that's jet lag, work schedule, or just too many bright lights at night; it's not so good for when you're not sleeping well because you're sick.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9ifqt2", "comment_id": "9ifqt2"}, {"question": "hey, /r/aspergers, i'd appreciate your support with this :)", "description": "hey, you guys. i've just made a brand spanking new subreddit, called /r/satf, which stands for socially awkward teen friends. this is for any young adult between the ages of 13 and 20 who has trouble talking and socialising, which includes people with autistic spectrum disorder, speech impediments, nervousness, deafness or just a natural shyness.  while it's mainly for the specified groups, everyone is welcome to come along, find friends and have a great time", "answer": "sweet! you should also consider advertising it in r/together alone and r/social skills -- the folks in those subreddits might be interested :)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "rhvc4", "comment_id": "rhvc4"}, {"question": "are you a student at the ohio state university? feel lonely while all your friends are at the bars? come join the collegiate recovery community, a student run safe space for recoverers to share, have fun, and enjoy the college experience.", "description": "join us on facebook, like our page, share your stories. although not a long term recoverer, this op has about 90 days since my last 'adventure'. many of the others in the group have years though. WEBLINK", "answer": "WEBLINK  red raiders out here at texas tech checking in! stop by you may just run into a handsome young man working at the front desk named afunnyname.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "234xjq", "comment_id": "234xjq"}, {"question": "i need someone to talk to me without judgement (explicit language)", "description": "i am a huge fucking mistake. a big one. i h have a ged and no college degree. i am always \"between jobs\" or something like that.  i recently got a new job at a gas station it is a horrible place. the pay, the people, everything. they treat me like shit which i deserve because i am two weeks in and still making stupid mistakes. i cry every night over this job.   now for my boyfriend and i and this is where the no judgement part comes in. we have been together for 2 years. i love him so much. but last year he went to 3 day concert and it almost killed me. i have severe social anxiety and i knew it wouldn't be good if i went. he had the time of his life drinking and stuff basically like mardi gras. i ended up in the hospital after no sleep for 3 days with extremely high blood pressure. we talked it over and he said he wouldn't go. i am so scared he will resent me if he doesn't get to go. i am trying to be social and do more things for him. i am pushing myself to go to small concerts and stuff. i need opinions on this.  i know i sound messed up i was abused and cheated on. i am seeking therapy but it is hard when you have no insurance. i just need someone to talk to. i am in a bad place. i feel like everyone would be happier without me.", "answer": "hi there,  sounds like you've been through a lot in your life. i'm glad that you are seeing someone irl. you are right that not having insurance can put a damper on seeing someone; it's a tough situation for anyone.   one strength that i am seeing throughout your post is that you have attempted to combat your social anxiety, and that is awesome! mad props to you. you have someone who cares about you and your well-being, and in order to help, you are putting yourself out there for him socially. that takes guts.  i would imagine that the anxiety also causes some difficulty at work? that would certainly explain the \"between jobs\" sentiment, as well as having trouble keeping jobs that you do get. it becomes like a vicious cycle.  you have two great things going for you: you are doing the best that you can to survive and you are seeing a therapist. you are in a position to really utilize both of those tools to take a good hard look at what you want out of life.  but first, you gotta get out of your head for a second. yea, that's easier said than done. yes, it will tear you up inside for a quick minute. your counselor can help you out with that. finding some good coping strategies for anxiety will help reduce those feelings and give you some breathing room, which i bet you are silently screaming for.   that's when the real work will start. keep up keeping up for now.   best of luck to you :)", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "5117dt", "comment_id": "5117dt"}, {"question": "i am not sure what is wrong with me (terrible mood swings and depression)", "description": "hi,  i am posting this for insight as i don't really want to talk to family and friends about this.  for the past maybe year and abit or maybe even longer since i was around 20? i am 23 now (female).    i have been getting awful mood swings like i will go off on one and act quite nastily to people i care about and its like i get a really bad feeling towards them (anger mostly and feeling strange) this can last for a day or two, after the episode i just isolate myself and try to think of how i can apologise as i feel so embarrased and i dont alqays remember things i have said during these times, i have been to my gp for depression before in the past and bad anxiety but this problem is a bit different.  sometimes during these mood swings i want myself to stop but find it impossible, and i dont understand what is going on with me.  i did get the contraceptive implant and my friends and partner told me my moods have been really bad since but i remember having the same issue a couple years before i got the implant.  even things thst pop into my head can make me upset with someone evem though it never happened and much of the time i can shut thst down as its silly but the rest sometimes its only really directed at one person and all around every day life i can get so irritable and angry for no reason it just hits me like a wave.  i also have days where i am extremely tearful and i end up crying for no reason and feeling a deep sadness out of nowhere.  i will go to see my go but i am very scared and wondered if anyone else has experienced this?  thanks.  edit:  i should also add that i have never been on medication for my depression or anxiety.  my anxiety tends to come and go with sometimes months between week long episodes.", "answer": "i'm surprised there are no responses after 18 hours.    unfortunately, i have to give you the standard response for a post like this: no one can give you diagnostic advice here.  it would be a violation of ethical and legal codes to do so.  if you're truly worried about your symptoms, you should go see a counselor (lpc), psychologist (phd/psyd) or psychiatrist (md).  i'm sorry for the canned response, but you really should see someone in person about this.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43h2lx", "comment_id": "43h2lx"}, {"question": "get the fuck out of my house!", "description": "you are nice people, and i love and respect you because you are my wife's parents. you have done so much for us and i appreciate it. now please, get the fuck out of my house. you have been here for a month, and that is long enough.   i don't want to be ugly, or confrontational, or sour our relationship, but i am sick and fucking tired of your fucking dogs, and eating what and when you want to eat, and not having a bit of space. you sit on the couch and listen to music for hours, and nobody can do anything else. please. get. the. fuck. out of here!", "answer": "haha.  i'm sorry.  that sounds awful.      a lot of these commenters have no imagination if they can't see how this can happen.  it's not like you're gonna be like \"okay what's your plan to be out of here within 2 weeks?\" to your damn mother.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1ur4nv", "comment_id": "1ur4nv"}, {"question": "severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* age: 18 * sex: female * height: 5\u20194\u201d * weight: 130 lbs * race: white * duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?) * location (geographic and on body): tx. brain * any existing relevant medical issues    * celiac disease       * not recently glutened    * adhd    * autism spectrum disorder    * depression       * decently well controlled. i had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but i am doing well now.    * anxiety    * vitamin d deficiency    * osteopoikilosis    * obsessive tendencies * current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)    * xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)    * focalin xr 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)    * abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. for autism irritability)    * zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)    * catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. used for sleep)  okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:  i've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. it started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where i cannot get anything done in school (and i desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so i can graduate!). any time i try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. i can't break through it. i can only complete assignments when i'm in the right mood which happens almost never. i can't think, i can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and i can't do anything i need to do. the only times i don't feel like this is when i get obsessed about something, or i'm at work. one day i may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the gedcom file for my family tree, the next i might be obsessed with studying for the ptce (i'm a pharmacy technician). i can function at work.  in addition to this, when i'm on my period, i get *really* depressed. like how bad it was freshman year. when i'm not on my period, i'm happy.  do i need to change adhd meds? or is something else wrong? i am desperate to find out what to do.  ​  edit: added dosages and sig", "answer": "i\u2019m a psychiatrist. several of your meds can cause sedation or counteract the others\u2019 effectiveness.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "bks367"}, {"question": "zoloft and codeine ok?", "description": "just been prescribed zoloft about a week ago , 50mg and i advised the doc i had been taking panadeine extra (codeine 15mg/500mg paracetamol) for about 2 years pretty much daily at the maximum prescribed dose (6-8 a day so 90-120mg codeine) for pain.   i am cutting back on the panadeine extra as i realise the paracetamol is at a high dose for that long term use but it's going to be to be done gradually as i am a bit dependent on it now.   anyway, the doc said it's fine to take both at the same time. the pharmacist said it's fine to take both at the same time. i checked online and have become concerned about serotonin syndrome and don't know if that's a stupid fear?  i do get fasciculations and head pressure , but i called 3 pharmacists again today and they all said it's fine to take both together.   not so sure myself , just hoping for confirmation that it's ok to keep going ahead with the zoloft.   thanks. ", "answer": "it's a stupid fear. listen to your doc.  goid luck cutting down on the painkillers.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6n0rla", "comment_id": "6n0rla"}, {"question": "[22/f] i'm an open book & struggle with insecurity & trusting my boyfriend [25/m] because of it.", "description": "update: i know it's been a while, but tbh, i initially made a reddit account just to post this. i realize that no one had a feel for my full situation, but every response helped. who knew that a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you to knock it off would help, but hey, it most definitely did. i did my best to hear ya'll out & heed your advice. i've tried to step back & chill out. since then, my so started opening up to me more often. i recognize that he has been more patient with me than i could ever ask for.   i guess what i really want to say is, \"thanks for the reality check reddit.\"  background : i've been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now. we met through a group of work friends shortly after i got out of an engagement (cheating fianc\u00e9). he had just ended a relationship & was doing the tinder thing & i was in a downward spiral of poor decisions & rebounds. after a terrible drunken night of mistakes, we decided to start over again as just friends. months later, our hangouts turned into tipsy hookups & eventually we realized that it was more than that. that's when i found out he had a thing still going with one of the tinder girls, which he broke off shortly after. about 8 months after that, we made it official & moved in together.   that's when i found out that, up until me, he had a \"type\"-big blonde/red head girls that sing. (not petite brunettes with the voice of a cat getting hit by a lawnmower. lol) i struggled with that for awhile until i finally accepted that it was just a coincidence. i told him about my insecurity & joked about it with him. he reassured me that he loved me & invited me to his family thanksgiving & christmas, etc.   everything was going fan-fucking-tastic until i (for absolutely no reason) got insecure & looked up his browsing history. i don't know why i was so upset to find what i went looking for when i read \"big blondes gone wild\". i immediately regretted snooping around. i felt absolutely terrible. i knew i needed to apologize & tell him what i had done, i knew it was grounds for him to dump me on my ass. because of this dilemma, i was just  pissy around him for the next week  until he finally questioned me, and i told him what i did, explaining that i understood if he was done with me for breaking his trust.   (btw, i watch a lot of porn myself. and i know that pretty much every dude does too. i'm cool with it.)   he got super upset by what i did, and i don't blame him. i broke his trust. i was upset but apologized & explained that it made me feel insecure because he was so secretive about the fact that he watches porn & because all his exes were also \"big blonde girls\", which i'm definitely not. he was still super upset.. almost sad (?). he  just said he was embarrassed & felt terrible that somwone found out... which may made me insecure all over again because now it made it seem like i had caught him cheating or something. i told him that it's more than ok... that i watch porn all the time, and explained that i'm cool with him watching porn as long as he is still into me & doesn't put off actual sex because of it. i even offered to watch it together sometimes if he wanted. we patched everything up until everything was going good again.   it's been a couple months now, & he still hasn't mentioned anything about it even though i know he still watches it every time i'm not around. i still constantly find myself feeling crazy because porn (in any context) is still not a kosher subject, but also because i sometimes feel like he's talking to other girls that are more his \"type\". i realize most of these thoughts are irrational, but i don't want to bring it up again and make it seen like i'm nagging.   tl;dr: started dating bf while he was \"taken\". i already have trust issues. he watches porn secretly. i confronted him & told him i knew i was ok with it. i opened up to him about my \"secrets\". he doesn't reciprocate & isn't as open about emotions as i am. it makes me insecure but i don't want to nag & make things worse.   am i being irrational by worrying?  **edits: changed wording to clear up confusion ", "answer": "of course he got defensive and doesn't think it's safe to talk about this stuff: you snooped and then held exactly this kind of stuff against him.   you disclosing a bunch of stuff does not unring the bell of you using his sexual interests as fodder for criticizing him/going into a panic spiral about what it all means.   you need to drop it and let it stay dropped.  and then pick up the phone and call a therapist. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6buyvi", "comment_id": "6buyvi"}, {"question": "tb test reaction", "description": "26 y/o female. 5'6. 217lbs. on zoloft, lo-loestrin, and buspar. had a tb test last week for my internship. it was my first one ever. i have no symptoms of tb. was told it was negative. the spot was super red, itchy, and sore, but no raised welt. it has now been more than a week and it still looks the same. should i be concerned? pics will be in comments. the discolored spot next to the red is from the band-aid she put on it. ", "answer": "it's only the induration (think of it as a firm spot, like swelling, but it may be entirely under the skin) that's measured. redness, itching, and other signs of irritation are not signs of tb.  for comparison, when i get a tb skin test most of my forearm turns red for most of a week. it's still negative, and in my case it's been confirmed by blood test.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aj7gf9", "comment_id": "aj7gf9"}, {"question": "what are some ways to utilize time in sessions better, to be more effective?", "description": "i have started writing things down, in hopes that things can be more efficient when i find a match", "answer": "-ask the therapist to work with you to identify homework, something to do or think about in between sessions.       -write down 2-3 things you want to discuss in therapy each day.  in response to each, write down what you are hoping to get out of the session by discussing them.  talk about this with your therapist.     -be up front with your therapist regarding what is helpful and what isn't as far as the ways in which they're working with you.     -journal or take notes throughout the course of the week as things come up in relation to your treatment goals.  to some extent, nobody is a perfect historian and trying to remember details of things that happened days ago can be tricky.  referring to notes or journal entries can be very helpful.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d8e36i", "comment_id": "d8e36i"}, {"question": "should i seek help?", "description": "i've always been someone who has dealt with spouts of anxiety and depression since early teens. about 4 years ago i had to have a full medical for a job and they had to know all the medication i was on i was taking anti anxiety medication. the doctor doing the full medical told me that i would have to stop taking that medication if i wanted to get the job. i stopped taking it and the last 4 years have been hell because i live in fear because of what that doctor said? scared to go back to the doctors and also worried they won't believe me that i don't feel right, what can i do?", "answer": "if you were taking an anxiolytic (xanax, ativan, etc.), and had a legitimate prescription from a physician, you can't be denied employment.  you disclose, i imagine you're drug tested, when you pop for a benzo, someone calls you for a copy of your med info on the bottle, and you're clear.  people get security clearances on meds.  i'm clueless as to why the doctor said you couldn't take that medication.  it doesn't sound like you had to have a security clearance/background investigation, as your record (years prior) would have been provided to your prospective place of employment.  do you live in the us?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e37syd", "comment_id": "e37syd"}, {"question": "concerned over what my child is saying", "description": "on mobile, sorry for the wall of text.   my child is 8, and has been saying things about killing herself. if i don't respond to her text fast enough, she says things like \"i should just die\".  she's also asked me, \"why do you abuse me?\" the thing is, she's never been abused. we have a fairly stable home life, parents together; no drugs/ alcohol. her dad and i both work, and while sometimes we struggle financially, we also have lights, water, and food on the table. she says these things when her behavior is out of control, throwing things and screaming, and i have her go to her room to try and calm down in there, or just feel her feelings in her room, her space. she has a great, helping heart. but she also is very emotional and just spirals.  we want to put her in therapy, but i'm concerned that if she says she's being abused,  there will be an investigation. and i know we have nothing on that end to worry about, that's still not something i want my family to go through. i guess what i'm asking is would her saying she's abused be enough for a case to be opened? i'm not saying there's no abuse to cover my butt or anything, there is genuinely no abuse, physical, mentally or otherwise.", "answer": "it sounds to me as if she is using some of these behaviors to grab your attention and get her way. understandable that you would become upset at the sound of your child talking about suicide! my favorite parenting book is 1,2,3 magic. i use it myself, teach parenting classes with it and use it in my practice. it\u2019s usually available at local libraries and is also very inexpensive on amazon, especially if you don\u2019t mind a used copy. it will help you learn to take the emotion out of her behaviors and your own reactions. highly recommend. good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwcp01", "comment_id": "bwcp01"}, {"question": "i'm [f/21] going back to the guy who broke my heart...[m/24]", "description": "last year i was seeing a guy for 4 months. we were exclusive but never \"bf/gf.\" things ended out of the blue when he stopped replying and ghosted me!   but i never sent multiple messages and just let him go.  now, over a year later he pops back up. due to his charm and funniness i agreed to a date. we've been on 2 dates now and haven't discussed where this is going, or even properly spoken about what happened last time. will this all end in tears?", "answer": "it's risky. ask all the big questions whenever you need to. talk through what happened before. keep your eyes and ears open. make sure he states his intents clearly. go slow. be careful and watchful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "672fdu", "comment_id": "672fdu"}, {"question": "[31/f] my husband's [32/m] binge drinking is a problem to me, not him.", "description": "i'm so frustrated with my husband.  he is an admitted binge drinker, and as long as he doesn't drive or hurt anyone, he thinks it's fine for him to get blackout drunk every weekend.  he has a great job, does chores around the house, so he feels like he's earned the right to drink as much as he wants, when he wants to.  during the week he'll have a few beers, but once his buddies call during the weekend, he's going out and when he comes home, he has lost his basic motor skills- stumbles around, can barely make it to the bathroom, can't drink a cup of water without spilling it.  it's a sad sight, and it's something we've fought about for years.  i also drink, but not to the extent that he does.  it hurts me to see him in that blackout state.  we've gone to therapy over the years, but he recently told me he has not been open to our sessions so it hasn't helped.  he said he can't open up emotionally if he's sober, go figure.  he comes from a family who drinks, and i do not.  so to him, me asking him to give up binge drinking is like me asking him to stop eating apricots- he thinks it's an arbitrary request that's coming from me out of a desire to exercise control over him.  like, why should i care if he eats apricots on the weekends or not?  it's that asinine to him.  this is literally the only thing we fight about.  but because we are very social people, it comes up every single week.  is it unfair of me to expect him to not get so drunk at every social event that he blacks out and loses the function of basic motor skills?  as a wife, is it my job to tell him how i feel, and that's it?  is it unfair of him to drink as much as he wants with no regard to  how i feel about it?  i've posted on alcohol-related subreddits in the past, so this is my first post here.  i just want to know if i'm being an unreasonable controlling nagging wife, or if my husband needs to cut back on his drinking (or stop) so i don't have to worry about him falling over and hurting himself (which has happened) and being the drunk guy at social events.  he's such a fun, wonderful person he does himself a disservice when he gets wasted.  we've only been married for a little over a year, have been together for seven.  i know alcohol can ruin marriages, so how do you deal when one person gets drunk and the other doesn't?  edit: everyone agrees it is a problem.  so now how do i show him or make him understand that even though he's not driving/abusive/doing anything negative while he binges, it's still not ok?  me telling him that i don't like it isn't enough for him to want to change his behavior.", "answer": "that means it's a problem, period. it has to be resolved, or it's a potential deal breaker.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "671l4g", "comment_id": "671l4g"}, {"question": "marijuana to help panic attacks.", "description": "i\u2019m not necessarily a stoner, i smoke a few days a week but don\u2019t stay stoned all day. but if i go more than a couple days without smoking i tend to get panic attacks. does anyone else have a problem like this and know a different solution (i don\u2019t have the money to afford cbds) as i start getting really bad panic attacks after a week of not smoking and i don\u2019t always have easy access to it.", "answer": "it really almost doesn't matter how often you smoke with marijuana as to whether it's going to cause this.  there are people who smoke 4-5 days a week and don't get \"addicted\".  if you do smoke regularly in order to cope with your stress you will end up dependent though.  only way this will likely go away is if you quit smoking for good while, learn healthier ways to cope with the anxiety, and if you do decide to start smoking again, make a conscious effort not to smoke when you are incredibly stressed.   loads of people go to therapy for help with this and i'd suggest the same.  learning how to cope with stress in healthy ways is hard for everyone.  it becomes a hell of a lot harder when you've spent months or years using a chemical to cope and then suddenly have to stop, want to stop, or just can't get it.     best of luck!", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "8nmkyb", "comment_id": "8nmkyb"}, {"question": "i think i triggered my gf's ptsd", "description": "hey, i am kinda lost right now. i am pretty sure i triggered my gf's ptsd and i am not sure what to do. it happened a few weeks ago while driving i made a comment about how she was driving. she was being too aggressive towards other drivers and i was uncomfortable so i calmly said that she has a little girl in the back seat watching her and learning from her (her daughter is 12 and will be driving in a few years and absolutely adores her mom and mimics everything she does). i thought it was a good, low key way to let her know that i thought she was being too aggressive and that she should  relax a bit. i think this is what triggered it. she spent the rest of the drive not talking, barely going the speed limit and sitting on her one hand that wasn't on the steering wheel. she wouldn't look at me the rest of the day and when we got back to her house she told me that i should go while she drops her daughter off at a friends house. i know her mom was physically abusive to her when she was growing up and would make comments to her about how she isn't doing a good job raising her daughter.  ​  this happened 3 weeks ago. she hasn't said much about the incident just that i was absolutely right with what i said and that this isn't my fault. after doing some reading, i have backed off and given her some time and space. she will reach out to me every couple of days to say she is sorry and she wants to try to hang out. we have hung out a few times and though we are both happy to see each other it is definitely a different feel and when i leave it feels like she can't get me out of the house fast enough. we've hung out 3 times since the incident. the first time i thought we were starting to get back to normal (it was a tuesday, we had dinner at her place and the 3 of us played games at the table and laughed and joke a lot). the next time was that friday and it felt a lot more cold, i don't think i realized her trying to keep distance between us. she cancelled plans with me on sunday and then we didn't speak again until she reached out on wednesday apologizing again and said she wants to work on closing the gap. we hung out again this friday and though she seemed happy to see me i made sure to not push things and get too close to her. the 3 of us watch a movie and i snuggled with her daughter on the couch while she sat by herself in a chair. saturday we texted a bit but she seemed distant again and now today i haven't gotten a response from her.  ​  i don't know what to do, i miss her and her daughter like crazy. i don't know a lot about what is going on here. i am pretty sure she is trying to cope with this on her own or with close family and friends but she doesn't currently have health insurance so i don't think she is getting any professional help.  ​  edit:  thank you everyone.  it was very helpful to get some perspective and understand more of what shes feeling and where it comes from. i know about her history and what shes gone through, i knew she had ptsd but this is my first major experience with it. like i said, i have all the patience in the world for her and if you would have told me beforehand that she just needed space i would have said \"cool, i can do that\" but it gets really hard, the little things. i call her every day on my drive home from work and when i can't do that i really notice or if i've had a bad day and want to talk to her i can't just call her up. like i said earlier, the insight you all have provided has helped calm me down and regain my composure as well as approach the situation more informed and better able to react. i miss her and her daughter a ton.   ​  thank you", "answer": "a part of it is wondering if people will stick around after they see your stuff. i think you know what to do. stay safe. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "a6u0rn", "comment_id": "a6u0rn"}, {"question": "why i'm i [29/m] often doubting my relationship with my partner [30/f]?", "description": "since we met i felt doubt, i wanna strive for a rich life with meditation, yoga, finding your true self etc. i was interested in researching psychedelics, consciousness and similar things. she on the other hand had a very protected upbringing, only child in her family and pretty scared of new things. she's interested in exploring life but not at all the way i want to do it.  something in me really wants to stay with her, she's really trustworthy, caring and intelligent. but there are minor things that add up and frustrates me.   * i want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.  * her general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.  * she doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).  * she doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. i've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. she loses interest so quickly.  * her only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. she's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.  i'm not sure what to do, i feel so alone sometimes and i have this burning feeling in the pit of my stomach as if i want to express something that i'm unable to with her. we've tried going to couples counselling. i was advised to not critique and she was advised to try to let her guard down toward life.  we have been together for 5 years. i want a future with her but i feel so incredibly hopeless and depressed when these things happen. something in me really wants to stay with her but another part of me has a longing of exploring something else, something that's maybe better. this doubt really exhaust and depresses me.  can anyone relate? how did you handle your doubt or situation?  i just want to find a constructive and sustainable way out of this intermittent suffering. because we have our good moments too, it's not all bad. this happens especially when i'm tired, had a bad day or when i'm thinking alot.", "answer": "i want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.**if you are very different in this regard, and can't find common ground, then you just have to accept that your 'ways' are going to be different. often couples like this have separate spaces in their house they can call their own** her general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.**it's up to her to decide how educated she wants to be. you can help if she wants but ultimately she has to own it** she doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).**doesn't sound like someone you can joke with. sarcasm imo is a bad trait with no upside** she doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. i've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. she loses interest so quickly. her only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. she's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.**if you have zero shared interests, it's pretty hard to make it as a couple. again, she has to decide  if she wants to be more enaged and self-actualized in life.  and you have to decide if she's boring or not stimulating enough to sustain a life together**", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5w3rrm", "comment_id": "5w3rrm"}, {"question": "young people\u2019s meetings", "description": "anyone been to the young people\u2019s aa meetings? is 31 still young? i want to go but don\u2019t want to embarrass myself", "answer": "i went to the young people's meeting in my area. i'm 40 years old and i was average age of everyone there. i thought the same thing as you, turns out it wasn't just all young people.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "boze2p", "comment_id": "boze2p"}, {"question": "coping with graphic violence as part of my career.", "description": "as part of the career path i am on, my work is/will require me to vet graphic violence daily, i am not a kid anymore, and this kind of thing bothers me more and more the older i get. i just wanted to ask if anyone here has to do something similar on a regular basis and how you get through, how i can try and keep it at work. i find i am straying more and more from it even in a fictional settings, not so much in a sci fi/fantasy type setting, but csi type, could be real setting. i am afraid it is going to affect other aspects of my work and i know it's coming home with me, dreams in particular, extremely vivid, heartbreaking dreams. i want stay on this path, i know i am doing real world good doing what i do, i am just not sure if i can handle it. thank you for the advice!", "answer": "\u201ctrauma stewardship\u201d is a great book on this topic.   take your reservations seriously. you can\u2019t help but be affected by your environment. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7zu9jy", "comment_id": "7zu9jy"}, {"question": "diagnosing mental illnesses", "description": "i've been interested in mental illness for a long time, and one question i have never been able to find a satisfying answer for is the extent to which it can be accurately diagnosed. to give a little personal background, i've never been diagnosed with a mental illness. however, i did see a doctor when i was around 12 or 13 (i lied about my symptoms because i didn't want to be put on medication), and am confident that if i were to see a mental health professional and be honest with them i could get diagnosed with a few disorders. without going into great detail, i have moderately severe anxiety (mostly social) and depression. i also have a tendency to be paranoid and occasionally things i know aren't true seem to be very real (for example, as a teenager i once convinced myself that i had contracted rabies despite never having been bitten by an animal and displaying no symptoms). not looking for sympathy, just want to give some context as to where i'm coming from.  in a college i read david rosenhan's \"on being sane in insane places,\" where he essentially displayed the inability of psychiatric hospitals to diagnose schizophrenia. based on this, i ended up writing a term paper entitled \"the social origins of mental illness,\" the central argument of which was that most mental illnesses are either just behavior society deems abnormal or are caused to a large extent by an individual's social environment. building off this idea, i started to try to come up with my own definition of mental health, and have been very unsuccessful. this is largely due to the fact that i don't think i've ever met a human being that i think is sane, myself included. some people think worshiping the sun is insane, but have no problem kneeling in front of a cross to pray and sincerely believe that they can communicate with a guy they read about in a book who supposedly died over 2000 years ago. to me, that seems to be an indicator of poor mental health. humanity is destroying the planet that sustains us as a species and yet every day people pile into their cars to drive to a job they hate. i don't believe that any of those people are mentally healthy.  i guess my point here boils down to me not being able to take seriously any diagnosis of mental illness, at least not in this society, because i don't believe i have met anyone who is mentally stable enough, myself included, to make such a diagnosis. has anyone experienced something similar?", "answer": "mental illness diagnosis largely revolves around symptoms that cause a considerable amount of distress, whether acute or chronic in nature, depending on the disorder.  i would direct you to the dsm for criteria for diagnosing mental illness for specifics and because i'm not going to try to list symptoms from memory and call it accurate.  an example would be major depressive disorder, which usually goes beyond just feeling sad or hopeless from time to time. depression symptoms have to be present for something like 6 months straight prior to a diagnosis being made. some symptoms would be suicidal ideation and planning, hopelessness, feelings of extreme sadness, markedly increased or decreased appetite, overeating or undereating, and extremely low motivation to do anything.  people with manor depressive disorder are locked into a state of these symptoms for months on end without relief, causing considerable distress in their daily life. the main reason for any mental health diagnosis is to provide some understanding for treatment modalities that tend to work well for people experiencing distress from similar symptoms, while the symptoms may present differently in different people.   it sounds like you have a cynical view of a couple areas, and i've found the only remedy for cynicism is research and diving into the history of the subject you disbelieve or don't trust. rather than seeking out someone that you  believe is sane, i would maybe research what people diagnosed with different mental illnesses show as far as symptoms oraybe take the chance to work in mental health in order to get a comparison of abnormal vs normal behavior. seeing what society deems as abnormal may help you see the basis for mental health diagnosis, why it exists, and that it isn't a hoax or part of a larger conspiracy fabricated and perpetuated by society.  i hope this helps  source: i have been working in mental health since high school and currently work on an inpatient mental health floor and in an ed as a mental health professional. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7up0q3", "comment_id": "7up0q3"}, {"question": "i [19/m] wish i could help my [19/f] girlfriend be less lonely", "description": "i don't know how to fix this situation. i've never posted here but writing this out feels good. so here it goes  i know my girlfriend is feeling lonely and depressed. but, whenever were together things feel great. she's energetic and funny and great to be around, although when we have to spend a significant amount of time apart she gets lonely and feels as though no one is interested in being her friend. she's a very social person and being alone for too long really gets her down. i wish there was something i could say or do to make things better for her.   sometimes i feel like spending less time together could help her create other relationships outside of our own, but it's hard not to be together for extended periods of time on a consistent basis because we live together. i feel closer to her then any other friends and i know she feels than same.   i guess i just want a way to help her make new friends. i know this isn't something i can really influence and she has to do it on her own, but it's hard to watch someone you care a lot about feel that way. any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "oh my god that sounds like something my so would say about me. i don't have any advice, though. i'm really sorry you're going through this, it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to endure. i hope she figures something out. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "41z673", "comment_id": "41z673"}, {"question": "no circumsized but", "description": "ok i am an uncircumcised male. i learned at an early age to clean myself. i was also told to pull the skin back while pissing and whatnot to keep it from being tight during sex. now here is my issue. i recently had an issue where the skin near the head got ripped from lack of proper lubrication with a sex toy (lessoned learned). while it was on the mends for about 2 weeks i only pulled it back during showers while extremely flaccid. now it is extremely tight and damn near impossible to pull back while hard and if i pull it back before i get hard it hurt because it is clearly trying to stretch again. how do i regain that elasticity in a short amount of time?", "answer": "i think you just have to give it time. but ill defer to any passing urologist.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "533a2c", "comment_id": "533a2c"}, {"question": "me [20/m] wondering if i was to sensitive about toxic things my ex [20/f] has done. perhaps i'm the one that ruined it all.", "description": "hey guys,  i have recently been very depressed over my ex-girlfriend  who i had broken up with over a year ago (however it had dragged on for up until the last 3 months ago). i grew up with her and we got together in high school up until the second year of university.  i broke up with her because the relationship had became quite toxic and i felt as if she no longer had any respect for me. i was bad at setting up boundaries and i realize that now and the love that i had for her and begun to turn into resentment for the ways she had been treating me.  it really destroyed my sense of worth. she had flirted with dudes behind my back on tinder while we were coming out of a break (happened nearly a year ago and i just can\u2019t get over it) , hacked my facebook, grinded with dudes in front of my best friends right after we broke up kept talking to this guy behind my back and some other toxic things that i really don\u2019t want to get into. sometimes i don\u2019t believe that she has really become like this \u2014 i know that people change but just these things don\u2019t seem like her.  **i\u2019m not trying to say that i was the best boyfriend either but i don\u2019t believe that any of the things i did was nearly as toxic (then again i don\u2019t want to play the victim either).**  my problem is that i always feel like she is going to be much better than me \u2014 she is very attractive and is very sweet when she wants to be.  i have taken a lot of time too look at the part which i played in the relationship to ultimately learn from my mistakes. i feel like that it was my lack to set proper boundaries which really caused the failure of the relationship and whatever toxic things she had done was in fact due to the way i was acting and at times i will admit i must have hurt her a lot emotionally. i often hear from people that boundaries are not just black and white and just because someone does something toxic doesn\u2019t mean it came out of nowhere or that they are toxic at heart.  she has always had guys chasing her and although i am the one who broke up with her sometimes i honestly feel like i have made a terrible mistake. now that she is on tinder i know that it is only a matter of time before she finds a guy who she will be much happier with.   it hurst to know sometimes that perhaps the reason she is acting like this is just because it\u2019s her first real relationship and that her next one she will act like a totally normal girlfriend because the next guy sets proper boundaries.  **sometimes i also wonder that perhaps i\u2019m just overly sensitive and that these are small things that can be forgotten and forgiven.**   furthermore, i really have been working on myself , going to the gym , meeting and having small flings with girls but no matter what happens my mind and wants always seem to wander back to her.  it just seems like cheating physical or emotionally (emotional in my case) seems to be whats so intertwined into the dating world of my generation. perhaps its just something i\u2019m way to overly sensitive about; i\u2019m only 20 after all.  my mind has just been all over the place recently and have been depressed like this for the last 6 months.  should i give her another shot? should i stop being so sensitive? or am i just blinded by emotion.  thanks in advance for those who comment.   ", "answer": "it seems she wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you wanted. i would move on and find someone more compatible with less drama.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6z13r2", "comment_id": "6z13r2"}, {"question": "my [48 m] son [15 m] and step-son [14 m] are in a relationship", "description": "hi! originally posted this to /r/relationships, but it was locked and i was advised to post here.  using a throwaway because my family know my account.  so i married my wife [49 f] when our sons were both 9. they were born a few months apart, and in the same school year (different primary schools, they met when we introduced them). they got along incredibly well and wife and i thought ourselves very lucky. they go to the same secondary school and have the same group of friends, they've gotten even closer since then.  they have always been very touchy-feely with each other, the normal play-fights boys have but also hugging a lot, kissing each others cheeks, sitting on each others knees, cuddling on couch, sometimes sleeping in the same bed if they fell asleep reading or something. looking back maybe this wasn't the best idea, but i love step-son as a son (his dad isn't around) and wife loves my son as a son too (his mother died when he was young), so we've always thought of them as brothers.  last night during dinner i asked step-son if he was seeing anyone lately (he is openly gay but we've never met a boyfriend), suddenly step-son and son were looking sheepishly at each other before my son drops the bombshell: \"actually, we've kind of been seeing each other for over a year.\" wife and i were really shocked, i honestly didn't even know my son was gay.  other than the fact they were together my son didn't give any details, however step-son lacks a mental filter (especially with his mum) and so we know they have had sex with each other and have been sleeping in the same bed nearly every night, with son sneaking back to his bedroom early in the morning.  now we're at a loss for what to do next. i'm thinking we need to set boundaries - no sleeping in same bed ever, no sex in our house until they're 16 at least, i think family therapy for all four of us should be mandatory. to be honest i initially wanted to make them break up then and there but both son and step-son refused.  also my wife has always been... a hippy of sorts, which i found cute (until now). she and i agreed about being sex positive with the boys, educating them about protection, consent, relationships and trust from when they started secondary school (age 11). however, wife is (imo) taking this too far with the current situation; her idea was to give them a box of condoms and let the boys live together in bigger bedroom, turning the smaller bedroom into a lounge for the boys!!!  tl;dr: step-son and son are in a sexual relationship, wife seems weirdly chilled about this and i'm losing my mind! what do i do?", "answer": "therapist here. i don't have any additional advice that hasn't already been given, but i will say that you have to be extremely cautious about taking this situation to a therapist. as a mandated reporter, many of them will feel obligated to make a dfacs/cfs report, possibly even at the initial phone call. in most states, the laws would pretty clearly be against you here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qbbjc", "comment_id": "5qbbjc"}, {"question": "was this a hallucination and should i go see a doctor about it?", "description": "19f, 175cm, 86kg, european, hallucination, ~ 15 - 30 sec, known medical issues: depression, anxiety, panic disorder, ocd, ptsd, dyslexia (possible issues: disasociative disorder(not did), migraines)  medication: sertralin, iboprofen  sitting at my desk, for hours with breaks inbetween, gaming on a big screen, dimmed through settings to warm light. next to me colourful fairy-lights, not blinking and still, on my window, shutters down. throughout the last hours i drank one energy drink which i don't usually do.   hallucination: from the corner of my eye i see lights blinking like police lights in blue. it was so convincing i believed that like 3 police cars drove up. looking towards the light/s to see if i see correctly. there is no police but a green glowing orb, the size of my fist, wobblingly flying before the other side of my window (inside still, without fairy-lights). i thought something on my desk must be the source but no, i don't have anything that could produce such a light, especially not moving, i look back, it is still there, wobbling. i get scared, i notice my left eye (window and orb are to my right), is hurting faintly, i look at my desk, look back, it's gone. i'm scared of my own mind going crazy, i block out any surroundings with my hands by my eyes, like shutters on a horse and look only directly at my desk. thinking, wtf just happend and trying to calm myself down.  do i experience stress: always constantly for atleast a year now, with only occasional calmness. i honestly don't know how it feels to not be stressed.", "answer": "a single hallucination is not a big deal, and it's actually surprisingly common among people who have no mental health issues. if anything like that recurs, it's worth seeing a doctor. strange visual hallucinations are likely to be eye or brain problems.  because our brain has so much visual processing built in, the visual cortex is also good at turning noise into signal. something in your eye or a transient irritation of the optic nerve could have produced junk signal that your brain did its best to turn into something meaningful (police lights, flying orb). but that's totally speculation on my part. hopefully it never happens again and you never know what that was about.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e80gvu", "comment_id": "e80gvu"}, {"question": "5 years and still no ring", "description": "i've (21) been dating my boyfriend for the past 5 years(26) and it's been the most amazing 5 years of my life . i am still totally inlove with him and so is he , without a doubt  a year ago we agreed that we would wait before making any commitments -since i'm in varsity and have 3 more years to go... which i was fine with. we sometimes apart for a while - not longer than a month- yet we still going strong .  we talk everyday and he is always assuring me of his love and still wanting to spend his life with but somehow i want commitment.  i don't know if it's wanting something in my hand for ego or security.  i families have met to talk about it and they are ok with us waiting but so was i at a point   maybe i'm just overreacting. ..i don't know but i feel like this desire is pulling me away from him. we spoke about it and he says he wants to do things right when we can really affford. i just love him so muchis there anything i can do to convince him or change my reasoning? or maybe his still unsure? i'm so confused", "answer": "sounds like he is pretty committed. and has the maturity to wait for the right moment. hang in, you'll get there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pjrbc", "comment_id": "5pjrbc"}, {"question": "do long distance relationships work?", "description": "do long distance relationships work? my last 2 long distance relationships hasn't worked.  do they work at all? should i try again? it's hard to meet eligible men where i live.", "answer": "for obvious reasons, long distance relationships are certainly a challenge. however they can certainly work. people have to be very mature, and have very good impulse control, and stay in touch as much as possible", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sw6n0", "comment_id": "5sw6n0"}, {"question": "will cheap reading glasses harm my perfect vision?", "description": "age: 19, sex: male, height: 6'3\", race: caucasian, weight: 190 lbs, duration of complaint: n/a, location: eyes.  ​  so i'm not trying to wear reading glasses to look cool or see better, my vision is quite good actually. my problem is that i'm a philosophy major at my university and a lot of the books we have to read are in very small print. i have no trouble with reading the small print, however, it really strains my eyes when i read for long periods of time (about an hour or so). rather than buying additional books with larger print, i'm thinking about just buying some cheap reading glasses that will magnify the text slightly (about 1.25%).  i would also like to get some readers with a blue light filter tint if that exists.   my question: will these readers impact my vision, or do i have nothing to be worried about? thanks!", "answer": "only risk is cheap sunglasses or wearing non sunglasses with wrong correction too much (ie even when not reading).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "c4osed", "comment_id": "c4osed"}, {"question": "i keep passing out after getting the flu shot, why?", "description": "my wife and i (24m and 23f) went to go get our flu shots this saturday (10/19) and starting sunday evening, i have been passing out around noon every day for 3 days now.  i have read online that it is a side effect that should subside by the 48-hour point and it has not.  my lymph node in my armpit that i received the shot is also swollen/sore.  does anyone know what might be the cause, and is it serious or will it go away with time?", "answer": "a flu shot can normally cause lymph node swelling as part of the immune response that generates immunity, but it is not causing loss of consciousness. that is potentially very serious and you should see a doctor\u2014er, if you can't get an appointment quickly, or if you lose consciousness again.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dlkcbf", "comment_id": "dlkcbf"}, {"question": "recently i\u2019ve been so scared of death i can\u2019t sleep", "description": "how the fuck can anyone be scared of spiders when dying exists... i\u2019ve been seriously contemplating my own mortality the last couple months and it\u2019s been driving me to near insanity. just the concept that one day i will no longer exist terrifies me more then anything i could ever imagine. for five years i slept with my fucking phone pressed into the side of my skull so i\u2019m probably gonna die of brain cancer before i\u2019m 30 (please someone debunk this for me so i can stop torturing myself). i\u2019m just looking for advice on how to successfully cope with these thoughts i\u2019ve been having because whenever i\u2019m in bed and start thinking about the end of life, my body reacts so strongly i jolt awake and spend the rest of the night frozen in just pure primal fear at the thought that everything is temporary. ", "answer": "you may have ocd. this is actually common and can be cured. please go get help!", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "7u9rsz", "comment_id": "7u9rsz"}, {"question": "[28/m] left by the love of my life [23/f], advice needed.", "description": "throwaway account.  about 3 weeks ago the girl i wanted to marry broke up with me. reasons given were my mental absence and lack of attention. she isn't wrong. i've felt some unexplained melancholy for a few months, but nothing i ever perceived as relationship-ending.   looking back i realize what i did wrong, but she won't acknowledge that someone my age is capable of change. i've seen her twice and talked to her a few times since the break up and she's been uncharacteristically cold and void of emotion, except for telling me she still loves me and will always care for me, however won't give me another chance.  she will be traveling out of the country for 3 months tomorrow and there's a good chance i will never see her again unless i try to. i intend to continue the plans we had and also move out of the country soon.  i am completely heartbroken and have no direction to follow right now. i was going to propose in september. my world is shattered and i'm currently incapable of imagining life without her.  thank you for reading, any advice is appreciated.", "answer": "very sad. surround yourself with people who love you and keep busy doing things you love.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6i6l87", "comment_id": "6i6l87"}, {"question": "my crush just confessed his love to me...", "description": "...and i feel terrible about luring him into my mental problems and i feel terrible about not feeling happy for myself right now and rather wishing he didn't do it and that he would hate me instead.  i'll probably end up rejecting him to make things easier on him and myself in the long run and then will regret it to a degree, but not enough to make a different choice right now. i just find myself incapable of accepting or pursuing happiness, because i know i'll be the reason for it to be ruined and being even worse afterwards for everyone involved. i can hardly identify happiness anymore. what does it feel like again?  we talked quite a few times about my depression and autism in the past and when he confessed he said it would be okay and he'd do everything to help me and be here for me, but i know it wont work and that i don't deserve him wasting his time on me and he even deserves less so to get false hope from me...  my heart made a single jump when he confessed, butterflies emerged in my stomach for a brief moment, but it was quickly replaced with all these realizations and thoughts inside my head leading to telling him \"thank you\" and that i'd have to think about it, but i think i already made up my mind in that very moment.  why the fuck can't i just be happy that someone i am into is into me as well and go for it? that's a rhetorical question.  fuck depression, fuck being an autist who can't turn her brain off and just *act*... just - fuck it!  i just had to write this down, tell \"someone\", thanks to whoever read this.  edit: just to clarify, since it came across the wrong way. he knows i am depressed and autistic, but he doesn't know anything in-depth. barely that these words exist in my life.", "answer": "don\u2019t let this opportunity go!  he\u2019s there for you and understands you.  he sounds perfect.  depression is not so hard when you have someone to support you. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "92ictg", "comment_id": "92ictg"}, {"question": "what type of therapy to recover from recurrent childhood trauma?", "description": "i [have read](WEBLINK) that common types of therapy for trauma, like cbt or cpt, are mostly designed to treat ptsd stemming from one (or multiple) traumatic incidents. but what about complex non-ptsd trauma?   what type of therapy would be best for an adult seeking to recover from complex, recurring emotional trauma that occurred throughout childhood? the article linked above talks about component-based psychotherapy, which looks promising but seems to be somewhat new and may not be easy to find (located in brussels, belgium).   any advice or suggestions are welcome.", "answer": "it would depend partially on how the trauma is manifesting itself presently. if not presenting as ptsd/ptsd-like, then how? that changes what types of treatments may be recommended or effective.  i'm assuming you are in the us. if so, seeking out a provider with the clinical certified trauma professional (cctp) might be a good start.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ew6zh8", "comment_id": "ew6zh8"}, {"question": "on the upswing (i hope)", "description": "so after a really really bad depressive episode the past few weeks, i think i'm finally on the upswing. it helps that it has finally stopped raining and the sun is shining, also!   just a reminder that it will get better. i know, so cliche. but if you look at my posting history for the past few weeks, you can see how desperate and awful i was feeling. but i'm feeling a bit better now...it may not last a long time, but just remember that these days are possible.  thinking of all of you in dark places today. this is the most supportive and kind subreddit i've found and all of you are important and in my thoughts today :)", "answer": "it gives me hope to hear you're doing better. sometimes i feel likeim stuck in this cycle and there is no escape. thanks for the reminder. it will get better, it's always darkest before the dawn. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1nnviv", "comment_id": "1nnviv"}, {"question": "i [f36] get extremely bothered when people have opinions that i strongly disagree with, and it\u2019s affecting my day to day life", "description": "a few examples:  my mother in law thinks covid 19 is a hoax. she posts memes and articles on facebook about it being no worse than the flu, it\u2019s a leftist hoax to control the masses, a conspiracy to make money off of vaccines etc. it makes me so angry to the point where it\u2019s the first thing i think about in the morning. i don\u2019t argue with her because there\u2019s no point. i can\u2019t convince her anyway. but my mind still grinds away at all the counter arguements i would make.  another example is that i\u2019m a vegetarian leaning towards vegan, and we feed our three kids vegetarian/vegan food at home. i\u2019ve been a vegetarian for 13 years, i obviously know my shit. but last week one of my friends started talking about how it\u2019s a fad, that people get obsessed with \"the environment\" and take it too far by raising their kids vegan and making them malnutritioned. i told her that\u2019s not true, it\u2019s perfectly doable to raise kids on a vegetarian / vegan diet, but she straight up told me to \"just google it\". this is a dear friend so i\u2019m not gonna cut her off because she\u2019s stubborn and ignorant about vegetarianism. still, i find myself letting my brain go haywire thinking about the stuff i should\u2019ve said, arguements i could\u2019ve made about proteins, calcium, vitamins, the environment, etc etc.  in the moment i kinda freeze up and try to smoothe things over because i don\u2019t want to end up argueing. i\u2019d rather just change the subject. i know from experience that i can rarely change someone\u2019s mind when they\u2019re already really stubborn about something. also, i have a hard time remembering and articulating my points on the spot. so i try to take the \"high road\" and just ignore it. but i really struggle with letting it go. when someone has opinions i view as wrong, dangerous (covid hoax), cruel (thinking kids in cages at the border is necessary), ignorant (veganism is dangerous), it bothers me so much. like i\u2019ll be in the shower and just remember that a friend or family member said something outrageous and it upsets me so much.  anyone else here ever gone through the same thing? any tips on how to not give a fuck that other people have opinions that are extremely different from mine? because that\u2019s just kinda how the world works, and i want to be more at peace with it.  **tl;dr** when someone has opinions (politics, diet, childrearing, what have you) that are extremely different from mine, i can\u2019t let it go and get over it. need some tips on how to be at peace with people having, in my opinion, stupid opinions.", "answer": "i think that you may want to seek therapy to get coping skills on reducing your anger. but also try to find a mantra that calms you down (people have the right to be stupid) and learn to set firm boundaries on people who have opposing values.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gdv3p1", "comment_id": "gdv3p1"}, {"question": "lyme disease (borreliosis) due diligence", "description": "26 y/o; caucasian; male; 5'7\"; 160 lbs; new england area; pre-existing: psoriasis (3.5 yrs) & anxiety/depression (always)  starting with summary & questions. read on if interesting:  am experiencing serious symptoms, but my lyme diagnosis/treatment seems under-explored given test results and a complex history. afraid doctor may be jumping to conclusions too quickly and mistreating entirely, mistreating as early stage lyme instead of late stage, and/or missing the full picture (co-infections?).  1) am i right to be skeptical that i've had enough testing to make a comprehensive lyme diagnosis?    2) what should i do to make sure i'm getting the best care including differential diagnoses and tick-borne co-infections? bonus points for tangible suggestions for the boston,ma area.  detail:   -treatment: 9 days into taking 100mg doxycycline, 2x daily - 21 day regimen  lyme disease diagnosis based on:  - western lyme antibody test: 4.91 (>1.09 is fda threshold) - a single reactive igm band (41 kd) - commensurate symptoms for lyme including: heavy fatigue, bodily numbness / lightness, joint/muscle pain & pressure, headaches, facial pressure / numbness, acute anxiety and depression  weak data to spport diagnosis: the cdc has stricter guidelines for diagnosis (5+ igg or 2+ igm bands) than what my doctor went with. given my symptoms and that i live in a lyme dense region, i am ok with the diagnosis.   however there are some complicating factors:  1) i have had psoriasis since 2016 and autoimmune conditions are known to confound these types of antibody tests.   2) at the onset of psoriasis (mid 2016), i had a severe psoriatic arthritis episode in left knee with inconclusive lyme tests (but maybe it was lyme and still is?).  3) since november of 2018, i have been having all kinds of odd eye problems including persistent blepharitis, styes, and chalazia. proper hygiene has done little to help and despite most forms of conjunctivitis being very infectious my girlfriend and people around me have not picked up anything. i've had all kinds of trouble with facial pain/tension and light sensitivity which make me fear that it is a bigger deal than your common eye infection. opthalmologist visits have not been helpful, and i've been unsuccessfully treated for shingles as a culprit. supposedly all of this can happen with late-stage lyme though.  so, my current and past symptoms are commensurate with lyme disease. my feeling is that my history points towards late stage, but antibody tests haven't supported this.   my fear is that whatever it is has been going on for substantially longer than just this spring and i need a specialist who can treat much more comprehensively/vigorously. i've been met with treatment and level of care that feels inadequate and i'm not sure where to look next.  your thoughts are appreciated and could make a big difference!", "answer": "you have had enough testing to conclusively rule in or out lyme disease. by standard criteria your testing rules out lyme disease. there is no reason at present to suspect that this is a tick-borne illness. you're receiving proper treatment anyway.  what you emphatically do not need is a lyme specialist. they are practicing outside the generally recognized standards of evidence-based medicine. instead, if this doesn't help, you need a second or third opinion to try to get a diagnosis for what has been going on. monoarthritis and eye problems are not a classic lyme presentation anyway.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bs7138", "comment_id": "bs7138"}, {"question": "what do you watch if you need to cry or feel something?", "description": "i\u2019ve been feeling incredibly numb lately so i watch something that makes me cry. no it\u2019s not the notebook. i watch the last episode of the netflix show unbelievable. it\u2019s about a girl who was wronged by the system and (spoiler) in the last episode she gets vindicated.   i relate too much with her people not believing me and i just cry my eyes out when she gets her justice that i never got. i mean the main person who didn\u2019t believe me messaged me years later that his friend did the same thing to someone else. he killed himself days later.   i\u2019m rambling and i have to be up in 4 hours to workout with my trainer and then work. i should sleep.", "answer": "what dreams may come. robin williams.", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "ghkkxt", "comment_id": "ghkkxt"}, {"question": "i'm scared of medication. should i get treatment?", "description": "i'm 20, and recently come to terms with the fact that i've been depressed for as long as i can remember. it's currently at it's worst it's ever been, and to top it off there's a chance that in a month's time i'll be out of a job, with nowhere to live and kicked off my university course after three years, just before my final year.  i realise i should go to a doctor but my experience with receiving treatment for other ailments here has been poor. i'm in the uk, and gps seem to just want to get me out the door. i have history with drug abuse (mostly stimulants and weed), and though i'm doing pretty well at staying off them now, i'm not the same person i was before i started doing them. they've left me detatched and with anxiety issues. i'm confident these are mostly temporary issues and just need time, but i have a very addictive personality, have heard lots of bad re: ssris and fear i'd just end up hooked on them. basically, i think messing with my brain chemistry any more would ruin me. can anyone advise me? is it the only way out of depression? this is probably quite a common thing to say but i just feel if i could get myself motivated and feeling better i could sort my life out. i've started running and am saving up for a gym membership. what other things can i do?", "answer": "anti-depressants are not addictive- you don't get a high from them", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "uii80", "comment_id": "uii80"}, {"question": "i [28/m] feel that my happiness isn't important to her. my wife [31/f] says i'm too critical and analytical", "description": "update: after reviewing all the comments on here, i decided to write up a note. i focused it on my feelings and how i feel in great detail. at first she got very defensive and said that my note was unfair and contrary to what i had previously mentioned. when everything was said and done, she apologized. she apologized for the ignoring of my issues over time, and how she's caused me to feel how she feels. she mentioned that she's starting to see her issues, as we're both doing individual therapy at the moment and asked me to give her some time and be patient because she really wants to change and make things work. she mentioned that she wants to write up a reply note after she's really reflected. not sure exactly what to think or how to handle it. thoughts?  i'll do my best to keep this short. my wife and i have been married for 1 and a half years. i've had this on-going issue with her, that everything always has to be her way (eating out, daily/weekly activities, etc. i've mentioned how i feel many times in the past, and she's always deflected/denied any wrong doing. our fights have escalated in the past year, me getting more angry easier, voice raising louder and louder. we live on the east coast, and she's originally from the west coast. a lot of the time, i feel like she doesn't really think about me, my happiness and my feelings. if she does anything, i feel that it's because she feels bad, or guilty - it's never really about doing something because i want to do it. she recently went to be with her family for 2 weeks, without me. she said that she needed time to reflect and some distance between us, so that she can think about her faults in our marriage. prior to the very last time, this had been brought up 2 times previously, and both times she tried to shove it down my throat. that she was going to the west coast for a little bit of time, and my thoughts on the matter didn't matter. at one point she told me that going wasn't more important than being in this relationship, and making me happy. 2 or 3 days later we got into an argument, and she booked a flight to go back, and she left 2 days after that.   my biggest issues with her are always that i don't feel like my happiness is important to her. i'll try to plan something, an event, or weekend trip. she never shows any interest, she listens but never takes it seriously. we were suppose to go out of town for the day, the same day she left for 2 weeks, and she was well aware of the plans we had made. there has been a pattern of me doing things for her, and a lot of the time those things being detrimental to my plans, or to my happiness and i've done them for her, but i don't feel that she has done/or is willing to do those same types of things for me.   she's always said, that she wants this relationship to be \"fair\" but i think it's been everything but that. she's been away for almost a week now, and we've spoken a few times on the phone. most of those times, i feel that the conversation is forced. she says she misses me and wants to speak on the phone, but doesn't make it very warm and relaxed. it's her just waking up which is in the middle of my day (due to time differences) wanting to talk to me because she misses my voice, or wants to know what i'm doing. if i don't pick up her calls, then i'm ignoring her. however, if i send her a text, she will reply and say that she's busy and i have the worst timing.   the issues she's mentioned in our relationship is from me standing up for myself, and pointing out when something isn't ok with me. she claims that i'm critical, and too analytical. i've told her many times that \"i don't feel like i matter to you. i feel that others are higher priority than me to you. i feel ignored and neglected\".   these few days while she's been away, i don't get the feeling that she thinks about me too much, or even really cares about my happiness. previous experience has shown me that she doesn't support me, let alone have much regard of my contentment in our relationship. do i need to chill out? am i working myself up for no good reason? or is there legitimacy in my feelings?", "answer": "you need marriage counseling. there's a lot to work out here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rbyzr", "comment_id": "6rbyzr"}, {"question": "one quick question!", "description": "what is difference between making love & sex? ", "answer": "making love is sex with feelings", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nlsy5", "comment_id": "6nlsy5"}, {"question": "if someone starts answering with only one word are they done talking?", "description": " for example you had a conversation going and there was some back and forth but at one point they just kept answering with \"yeah\" or other one word questions for example, say you are talking to someone about getting a new car and eventually the conversation starts to go  \"car x is really nice and it's good on gas you could probably afford it too\"   \"haha yeah\"  \" and i hear they are pretty reliable so you wouldn't have to worry about missing work at all\"  \"yeah\"   at this point is it pretty clear they are done talking and i should back off until they say something besides a one word answer?", "answer": "ask them an open-ended question. if they respond to that open-ended question with a minimal answer then yeah, they're probably done talking. but if they take the question and run with it, then maybe they just didn't know how to respond to what you were saying earlier :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2jrads", "comment_id": "2jrads"}, {"question": "please help me determine why my libido has disappeared / why i can't maintain an erection. i'm 31m and running out of hope.", "description": "hi all,  using a throwaway today.  not sure where to start so i\u2019m just gonna start.  * **about me**: * **age**: 31 * **sex**: male * **height**: 6\u20192 * **weight**: 185 * **race**: caucasian * **sexual orientation**: gay * **duration**: mid 2016 until now  * **current medication**: daily generic cialis * **other medical information** \t -born with pectus excavatum.  had it repaired twice with ravitch and nuss bar procedures \t -was misdiagnosed with mitral valve prolapse for years.  i do have occasional heart rhythm issues, \t\tand a cardiac ablation has been recommended   **quick summary** over the last 8 months my libido and ability to achieve and maintain an erection has slowly disappeared.  i currently have no libido at all.  no desire to have sex or be sexual.  i don\u2019t get horny.  i\u2019m able to masturbate occasionally (but not always) if i \u2018remind\u2019 myself.  it feels like someone flipped the switch and turned me off.    **i have been as proactive as possible and have \u2026**   * seen a sex therapist for 6 months who can\u2019t seem to diagnose what is going on,  * had a (thankfully) \u2018unremarkable\u2019 ultrasound of my organs and testicles  * took lexapro for potential priapism (thanks doc) but got super depressed and stopped * been to two urologists both said that my equipment is working fine,  * tried viagra/ cialis (daily)/ vitamin d/ to no avail * changed my eating habits and started exercising regularly  * even attempted seeking out other partners * i rarely get morning erections if i\u2019m taking the daily cialis.  if i\u2019m not taking cialis i don\u2019t get anything at all.  **my current hope is to see an endocrinologist on march 1st who i\u2019m hoping will be able to identify something that isn\u2019t right**  **current situation** i\u2019m at my wits end.  i\u2019m getting depressed.  starting not to care about work and other relationships.  i know this is putting strain on my bf, who has stuck by my side throughout everything.  without his support i would truly be lost.  i\u2019ve withdrawn from my family.  i need some help.  i need someone to tell me i\u2019m not crazy, and help me figure out what is going on so that i can get back on track.  i fear that this is all related to something bigger and the longer it goes without diagnosis the worse it is going to be when i finally figure it out.  **please help**.  **as much background info as i can muster**   **background**  i\u2019ve never had a super high sex drive.  when single i would kinda passively look for partners (on grindr etc), and masturbate a few times a week, every day of the week, or sometimes maybe skip a week.  i know some friends that need to masturbate once or even several times a day.  that's never been me, but i've never had no sex drive (until now.)  growing up, i had some body dysmorphia (from my pectus excavatum), and i didn't come out of the closet until my early twenties.  i didn\u2019t have the same sexual experiences as some (most?) do as adolescents and young adults.  that being said, i do of course like sex and being sexual, topping and bottoming (though i\u2019m pretty much a bottom).  i just didn\u2019t get as much \u2018practice\u2019 as i would have liked to.  i did come out, and have been sexually active for about 10 years so i don\u2019t think there\u2019s really any issues there.  i\u2019m not sure of the relevance of my previous sexual experience, but want to be as complete as possible.  of course i was much hornier in my earlier twenties.   **the problem**  all that being said, late last summer i started losing my libido.  it was gradual at first, and then disappeared almost completely.  around the same time i met an amazing, wonderful kind and caring guy who absolutely lights up my life.  at first we could have sex and i could stay hard, but by the end of the year not only had i lost my libido but also my ability to get and stay hard all together.  throughout everything he has been my rock, been by my side and has just been generally wonderful.  i was and am sexually attracted to him.   **the summer- prep / the first blood test**  the first half of 2016 was actually the most active i had been in a while, with 1-2 partners a month between jan-august.  usually just one night stands, but a few repeats.  due to the frequency i was hooking up i decided to get on truvada.  i passed the blood test and std check and started taking it daily in july.  i stopped in september when my (now) bf and i decided to be exclusive.  my doc did notice that my testosterone was low (unfortunately i don't know how low off the top of my head, but i can reach out), so he recommended i take a big fat vitamin d pill every friday for a month.  he did conclude later that it was low because my test was in the mid morning, not first thing in the morning.   **anxiety and weight loss**  i started having a harder and harder time getting erect, or finding interest in sex.  it scared me.  i\u2019m 30.  this shouldn\u2019t happen.  a few times in the beginning i was able to initiate sex with my bf, but then my erection just faded away.  this also happened when i eventually tried viagra and cialis.  i would get emotional, i would feel like crying. i would cry.  **it has been the most frustrating thing i\u2019ve ever dealt with in my entire life.**  i went to my gp in july who said there was no way this was an actual problem for a guy my age, and recommended \u2018tequila\u2019.   around the same time i started losing weight.  i dropped from around 195 lbs to 183 over the course of about a month.  i felt it was due to anxiety and stress over my inability to get hard or have sex with my boyfriend.  it was at this point that i could tell my gp was a bit worried so he had me go have an ultrasound of my organs and testicles.  everything came back \u2018unremarkable\u2019 (which is a good thing!).    **therapist**   around this time (october) i started seeing a sex therapist, hoping maybe he could help shed some light on the issues i was having and hopefully help me figure everything out.  he\u2019s a great, sympathetic guy, but so far nothing concrete has come from our sessions.  we have very recently discussed the possibility of **hypoactive sexual desire disorder (hsdd)**.  this scares me, but it is the most logical explanation i\u2019ve been able to find so far.   **lexapro**  sure that my previously mentioned weight loss was due to anxiety over my situation, my gp recommended i try the lexapro antidepressant because (bonus) it had potential priapism side effects.  it sounds ridiculous i know but i was willing to try anything.  after about a week on the lexapro i got super depressed and even had suicidal thoughts (which i had never had before), so i quit cold turkey and started feeling better almost immediately.     **urologists**  convinced that there was something physically wrong i went to a urologist in october.  he performed a blood test and a week later said my testosterone was fine (low end of normal.  450?) and recommended viagra or cialis.  i tried viagra, and i tried daily cialis.  i was able to achieve an erection sometimes, generally when i was alone, and never with my boyfriend for more than a few minutes.  i spoke to another urologist for a second opinion in december, who took one look at me and recommended cialis.  the cialis and viagra cost me ~1000 for 3 months of failure.  the viagra pills are about $45 each!  **note:** i get the feeling that neither of them took me seriously.  i do also understand that there doesn\u2019t appear to be anything physically wrong with my penis (specifically) because i do get the occasional erection, and do get them more often (though incredibly infrequent) when taking the dick pills.    **endocrinologist**  i have an upcoming appointment with an endocrinologist.  i  started writing this report for her, to give as much information as possible.  i\u2019m hoping that maybe something i\u2019ve written will make sense and help diagnose some issue that can hopefully get treated!!   **other random information**  prednisone   - i had an odd allergic reaction in my throat and on my skin in august 2016.  i had a rash up the side of my body and had an itchy throat / had difficulty swallowing.  i went to urgent care who checked for strep, and then decided it was an allergic reaction.  they diagnosed benadryl and prednisone, which i took for a few days until the symptoms went away.  scabies -\taround the time that all of this started happening, or at least when i started noticing something wasn\u2019t right i had some red spots on the head of my penis, as well as some itching.  when they didn\u2019t go away i went to my gp who diagnosed them as hsv2, and prescribed valtrex.  i took the valtrex for a week before seeing a dermatologist who said they were in fact scabies sores.  i ended up putting on the cream, and everything went away.  i did have similar symptoms about a month ago, with a spot in the same area.  the second time the dermatologist just gave me a pill.  everything went away until about a week ago when there was an itchy red spot on my penis again, which has since disappeared.      edits - formatting", "answer": "escitalopram to cause priapism? that's fucking insane. surprised it made you suffer suicidal thoughts, but sorry to hear that.  what's your energy levels like? still getting pleasure out of your typical hobbies/interests?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vdlne", "comment_id": "5vdlne"}, {"question": "would anyone with social anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018how i overcame social anxiety & how you can too\u2019. it\u2019s free for the next 2 days on amazon. more info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "hi i\u2019m tobias.  i originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.  firstly, i never in a million years pictured i\u2019d be here sharing a book i wrote about how i overcame social anxiety because i never thought i\u2019d ever get over it myself.  i was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. for years i was on strong antidepressants (250 mg zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. i won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)  i believed i had a genetic fault in my brain and i was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d i had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. i didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.  through a lot of effort on his part, i met a man who managed to convince me i could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. i got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. now i\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.  it\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. i am living proof of that.  this book is not something i threw together last weekend. it has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. i have truly put my heart and soul into this book.  if you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on amazon for the next 2 days.  usa - WEBLINK  uk - WEBLINK  canada - WEBLINK  australia - WEBLINK  (other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)  this book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.  it\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.  it\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.  it\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.  all these things i was going through.  feel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.  i really hope my book helps you. i\u2019m contactable and i will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "i went ahead and purchased it!  as a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, i can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "4m0y0b"}, {"question": "would it be ethical to have an academic dual relationship with therapist?", "description": "i currently have a therapist who supervises students and also does research and presentations in a field i\u2019m interested in going to for graduate studies. i was wondering if it would be ethical for them to be in a supervisor/mentor/co-supervisor role if they\u2019ve been my therapist since i was a teen, maybe if i stop seeing them as a therapist? thanks.", "answer": "the easy answer is no. the complicated answer is generally when in graduate school there are all sorts of dual relationships that may be considered unethical.   in my experience, however, is that in situations like this the potential student has never been admitted or accepted by the therapist (potential academic advisor).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cnf159", "comment_id": "cnf159"}, {"question": "seasonal depression is a thing, right?", "description": "(i'm 17) every single winter, at the beginning of december, i just feel like falling onto the floor and crying. i don't feel like i can tell anyone. and while i'm not suicidal, i'm most certainly not doing well, and i feel completely alone on this. what i want to know is, does this happen to other people? am i alone on this? and are there any easy ways to pull myself out of it without throwing away who i am in the process? i will take literaly any advice you can give me. i'm stuck in a hole and it happens every winter.", "answer": "i would suggest looking up seasonal affective disorder. it\u2019s very common and treatable.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e694zb", "comment_id": "e694zb"}, {"question": "[22/m]advice on living with so [23/f] with multiple psychological conditions", "description": "using an old throwaway since a friend knows my normal account.  i've been going out with my so for over two years now. known her for three. we had a great \"honeymoon period\" at the start (asian country. still virgins. but we get physical) but after around six months we started to have a lot of issues.   she has previously been diagnosed with ocd after her dad left the family when she was little and had some episodes even while in college. started with some jealousy issues and moved on to her thinking that i'm unfaithful.   she gets intense mood swings and is very possessive over me. she also has many jealousy issues and low self esteem. she is more introverted and serious while i'm more outgoing and vocal in peer groups. we also have very little social group overlap.  one major issue i see in her identity is that she's a confident girl who loves dressing up and wants to change the world but she's brainwashed my her mom to think that girls can't be loud and can't wear dresses. that only your husband should see you beautifully. pretty much your average south asian religiously blind bullshit. so she's constantly in a conflict with what she wants to be and what she's been taught was right for 23 years.  problems escalated to such an extent that we had to visit and psychologist and psychiatrist in parallel and yesterday the psychologist told me that she has  1. bipolar disorder  2. borderline personality disorder   3. morbid jealousy  she (psychologist) also told me that meds don't seem to be working and the only way to keep it in check is for me to have a lifestyle change. that i have to try to distance myself from my female friends and keep worklife thoroughly separated from family.   i just wanted to know if there were anyone with similar circumstances and how you worked things out.  do you think that getting her away from her mom would help. (this is at least 2 years till we get married) how do you manage mood swings. i'm a bit worried that i'm getting desensitized to her mood swings and moving onto a very un-empathic person.   also i think i just needed someone to put this off my chest as well   edit : bullet points for clarity ", "answer": "it's a big challenge for sure. we're all a  package deal in some way. any stress will exacerbate her conditions. like her mother. make sure she has a great therapist and med doctor.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68nm5u", "comment_id": "68nm5u"}, {"question": "just because you have a long sobriety spree doesnt mean you can smoke again and control it.", "description": "my warning.   im a 23 year old guy from canada. i first tried the devils lettuce when i was just 13 years old. from than on out i had always had an unhealthy relationship with weed. it took over my life for 7.5 years untill i finally had enough and quit. july 1st wouldve been my 3 year sobriety, but i relapsed back in december. after 2.5 years of sobriety   for 2 and a half years i was clean! 2 and a half years! and than this christmas i thought hey you know what? i can have a little puff, why not? and i tried it. nope. i tried to justify it in my mind like oh \"now ive got my career started ive finished school ive basically cured my depression and anxiety i wont use weed as a crutch this time around because now im in control of my life.\"   i had one bong rip. one. and 2 days later i bought a half ounce of kush a bong and a grinder. 2 months after that i was already onto extracts. i started with \"only smoking on the weekends\" (ya okay hemphead) and at its peak i was dabbing 3-4 times a day. every. day.   guess what? my anxietys back my depression is deffenitly back and now my irritable bowel syndrome is back as well.   why?  why'd i throw it all away?   because thats addiction. my brain was still against me. it still after all this time manipulated me into thinking i was okay to smoke.   im not.   and i never will be.  round two begins now and i know it wont be hard this time because now i know the truth. im just one of those people that cant smoke weed.   july 5th 2018 was the last time i got stoned.", "answer": "i stopped smoking weed when i was 23 and after a few months off it i realized that it made me lazy and stupid, so much so i couldn\u2019t appreciate how stupid it made me. i\u2019m not saying everybody reacts to it the way i do, carl sagan smoked pot and so do many smart people, i guess i don\u2019t have enough excess brain power that i can afford to give up any.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8woubk", "comment_id": "8woubk"}, {"question": "how to deal with a fixated person frequenting my venue?", "description": "good evening, reddit!  casual lurker coming out of the shadows for this one.  i recently started to manage a venue that has a ready-made community, and my boss is someone well-known within the community, as is the person who is fixated on her.  this person is known for being unpredictable.  clearly she is not well.  she is not only grieving  a major loss, but seems to be experiencing many symptoms of dementia.  she does not know my boss personally, but has barraged her with messages on facebook, emails, and, now that she has found the phone number, phone calls.  she attempted to enter a sold-out event without a ticket, thinking she had purchased one (though she had not), and became so frustrated, she assaulted our security guards.  we ultimately called the police, who took her to the hospital.  the following week, she did purchase a ticket, and returned, and i informed her she was no longer welcome after the previous week's events.  she was more docile, apologetic, not in touch with reality and clearly set on the outcome that she get to talk to my boss. i listened to her empathetically for 30 minutes (our plan had been to call the police if she returned, but i made the call that this would not be necessary that night), accepted her apology, but stood firm: she could not come in and that was not going to change.  she has continued to harass my employer digitally.  these are clearly the warning signs of a \"fixated person\" and i get the feeling we're not giving her enough credit for the damage she could do: to herself, to my employer, to our guests and to our business. my boss is hesitant to start the process for filing a restraining order, and i can't stand outside with her, blocking the door, whenever she makes an appearance.   i am unsure what the next steps we should take to resolve this problem.  is it possible to mitigate what i think is a very real threat, here, using some ninja conversational techniques and boundary-setting rather than calling the authorities? can anyone refer me to some good literature on addressing this sort of thing?  love,  b", "answer": "how old is this 'fixated' person?  i ask largely because you mentioned dementia.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado5e8", "comment_id": "ado5e8"}, {"question": "trans friend is coming out and coming to me for advice? i have no clue?", "description": "okay so. i'm a 16 y/o trans guy, i've been out for 2/3 years and most of my friend group only know me by my chosen name. i stealth a lot and i came out after four months to them, much to their surprise.  a bit after that, a close friend of mine wanted to come out as a trans girl. i tried to help the best i could but i think i made it appear too scary for her since she quickly claimed it was just a phase two weeks later. i'm not sure if i influenced that or not but it definitely made me feel guilty.  then a couple of months later, she comes back and says she wants to try again. i implored her to take it slow and steady since she doesn't want to scare herself again. my mami and family are very accepting so she comes over to my house to use her chosen name and dress feminine. my problem is that she comes to me with questions i don't know the answer to. being a trans girl is different from being a trans guy and i want to help her the best i can, helping her with coming out, name changes, appearances and even giving her clothes! but she comes with me about questions i don't know the answer too and i feel terrible when i tell her i don't know. i try to direct her to the right areas for help but she's... not using them and still coming to me.   it's also slightly dysphoric for me to talk about this to her, i'm not sure why but i've been feeling heavy sickness whenever we talk about feminine stuff. i'm not usually dysphoric all that much nowadays but it's definitely something. however, i don't want to taint her transition with my influence again but i've been keeping quiet. i wanna be a support system for her but i don't want to scare her away again.  i'm not sure if this is the right reddit for this but i needed it off my chest, because i don't know if i can tell her this. i don't wanna be an asshole or anything to her.", "answer": "it's good that she trusts you during this difficult time in her life, i think that says a lot about you. however it is important for you set boundaries, especially when the conversation gets too uncomfortable. specifically about feminine topics, i would direct her to a girl friend or a supportive group on the internet. even if she keeps coming back to you it's important that you continue to make your boundaries clear, state that you're not comfortable talking about that, and eventually she should get the idea and go elsewhere with those topics.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "henugg", "comment_id": "henugg"}, {"question": "[27/m] in a normal marriage?", "description": "trying to figure out if this is normal behavior. my first thought is no.  i'm going to keep this short.  married for 4 years.   i'm a guy and compared to women, i forget things or don't do things \"correctly\". i also don't have certain things at the top of my priority list as women do.  so, inevitably due to this husbands and wives get into arguments, and i understand arguments happen. i would like to know how a normal argument happens.  in my situation, my wife will get so irate she curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.  i'm not a yeller, so most of the time i sit there and shut down because i'm pissed about the disrespect that is taking place.  question 1: (a)how often do you get into major(yelling/cursing/name calling) fights? (b) do you both yell, or just one side?  question 2: when your wife gets upset over something, ei: not meeting her emotional needs or being on the same page, is it normal for her to berate you with names/cursing/yelling?  question 3: has your wife ever hit you? or hit you with something?", "answer": "curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.  all are emotional abuse and should never happen. go to counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u5lip", "comment_id": "6u5lip"}, {"question": "dissociation is fucking terrifying and i hate it.", "description": "as a sub question: do y'all find that substances cause/aggravate dissociation? i took some adderall last friday and was up until 5 am then woke up at 2 and took some more. after coming down, the last couple days have been really awful. it was stupid of me to take it, i know, and i was trying to use it to get some stuff done (as its helped me in the past but i am not prescribed it) but it absolutely backfired and now my anxiety is through the roof.   dissociation is the most frightening thing to me. i feel like i'm trapped in my mind and i can barely function because everything seems surreal and like i'm just going through the motions. i feel numb, sort of, but my anxiety goes through the roof and i start to panic. i've heard others say that they like the numbness but i hate it hate it hate it. i feel depressed and isolated and scared. please someone tell me i'm not the only one ", "answer": "one thing i've learned that i'm not sure if it's just me or others, but stimulants do not work for me. they make me feel crazy and intense and anxious, so perhaps that was it. i only smoke weed now, which has been amazing at calming my intrusive thoughts", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "3mt1x8", "comment_id": "3mt1x8"}, {"question": "i really realized yesterday that my brain so often is the cause of my problems. my boyfriend said i felt warm, and i spent the whole night convinced i was sick.", "description": "so, i felt fine. i was totally normal and having a normal night.   but my boyfriend touched my arm and immediately said \"woah you feel hot\". i convinced myself after that, it must be a fever. that led to convincing myself i was sick but didn't feel like it yet.   all that led to me not even sleeping because i was too scared. i ended up feeling n* and thinking my stomach was hurting too. which maybe it was, but it was all my fault.    i feel dumb but it did make me realize it often is actually *all in my head* which in a way helps.", "answer": "i absolutely experience this too! like his hands could have just been cold or something, and then it triggers a bunch of \"symptoms\" that are just brought on by unnecessary anxiety!!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "6x5j5k", "comment_id": "6x5j5k"}, {"question": "can't check in today. i feel miserable and want to drink.", "description": "i can't bring myself to comment on the check-in thread because i can't say for definite that i won't drink today.  i have every reason not to drink; i'm only 4 hours away from my 2 week badge, i'm not supposed to drink with my meds etc. etc. but i feel, more than anything, that i just want to say f*ck it all.   i keep reading all these inspirational comments and articles about how everyone feels so much better 2 weeks in and their sleep is great, they feel happier, they've lost weight and their skin looks great. i've had none of that. i thought week 1 was a walk in the park, i didn't miss alcohol, i had no withdrawal symptoms and i was full of optimism. this week i've felt stressed, irritable, useless, and miserable.  how can i feel so bad after doing something so supposedly great?", "answer": "it took two months for me to get 30 days. when you wake up tomorrow try not to beat yourself up too much--that will lead right back to your next drink.   sometimes in early sobriety (or even much later) we need to do more research before we know for sure if we really want this. it takes what it takes.   when you decide you really want this and you have another day like this, don't worry about 24 hours. take it hour by hour, minute by minute. when you feel this way, just find something, anything you can do to distract yourself--just for the next few minutes. don't worry about what comes next until it comes.   the first few weeks are the absolute worst. but you can do it. hugs. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "70x9ry", "comment_id": "70x9ry"}, {"question": "40m - water smells terrible", "description": "40 m, 5' 8\", 225 lbs, non-smoker, no major issues.  i have this thing where water smells terrible. tap, bottled, filtered, any kind. but usually when i\u2019m drinking it. there doesn\u2019t seem to be any pattern or triggering event for it. i could be drinking a glass of water and it smells fine. i come back to it and it has that smell. or it could be some random container of water and it has the smell right off the bat. i\u2019ve asked others to smell the water to confirm and they say it smells fine and i\u2019m a weirdo. the smell is like dead fish in a lake. kinda swampy. that\u2019s the best i can describe it. it\u2019s been happening for a long time.  is this normal? a neurological symptom? am i having a 20 year long stroke?", "answer": "this is not really a physician comment, but i have the same experience. i\u2019ve done some digging and the best i can find is that it may be due to detergent used in cleaning glassware. or due to contaminants in water. it\u2019s maybe one of those things that some people are genetically more able to pick up whatever odor it is.  i don\u2019t have any more useful advice, unfortunately.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cxjkvu", "comment_id": "cxjkvu"}, {"question": "how do i open up to a therapist?", "description": "hey, so i\u2019ve (24f) dealt with emotional and physical abuse for as long as i can remember. i\u2019ve repressed everything for so long and finally have been addressing my issues this year. the problem is, is that i don\u2019t trust people. i compulsively lie and hide what i am truly feeling often. i\u2019m seeing a therapist properly for the first time next week but, i know myself well enough to know that i will \u2018mask\u2019 myself as a happy person in front of them. also i don\u2019t want to pretend to be sad to get them to take me seriously. i want to be genuine but i don\u2019t know how to act. how do i start off a conversation with a therapist on my abuse? how do i tell a stranger my issues when i couldn\u2019t tell my own friends my true life for years? i don\u2019t feel like i look or act like someone that has been \u2018abused\u2019, i don\u2019t think my therapist will believe me as everyone i\u2019ve encountered think i\u2019ve lived a normal happy life. so how do i open up to a stranger about what is going through my mind?  edit: thank you from the bottom of my heart everyone. been going to therapy since this post, the most recent session has made me feel so much clarity and i\u2019ve been opening up on the many bad and good memories in childhood (even though i had a bit of a dramatic outburst in the first session ha). thank you for the help!", "answer": "wow, that sounds so intense. i'm sorry that happened (is happening?) to you.  i guess for some people it helps to know that what you say in therapy can't be told to others (except under certain specific circumstances) and so maybe in that way it's easier then talking with friends and worrying about how that information gets around. i think also that someone who is going to only ever have your perspective on things, and basically just be on your side, can feel different too, in some ways.  any therapist worth any amount of money should be all about validating your experience as well, so hopefully you will find them to accept that things are the way you say they are.", "topic": "survivorsofabuse", "post_id": "d96uxa", "comment_id": "d96uxa"}, {"question": "33 years", "description": "today marks 34 years without a drink for this alcoholic. i forgot.  ", "answer": "hang in there it gets better.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "6elw81", "comment_id": "6elw81"}, {"question": "how do you guys rejuvenate after class or work so you can keep working on things in the later half of the day?", "description": "hi,  i've noticed that i struggle a lot with getting work done after class. i often feel tired after my school day / work day, from whatever i had to focus on during it. i get a 10-30 minute walk or drive home afterwards where my mind can just wander for a while, but then once i get home i just kind of feel a wave of exhaustion and procrastination hit me.   i figure taking some kind of break to feel more rested is reasonable, which usually means playing a video game, watching a show, or browsing the internet for a while, but it can snowball pretty easily into doing that for the rest of the day and not getting any homework or personal projects or errands done.  i can inconsistently put my foot down and start working sometimes, but in general i feel like i'm pretty stuck in this habit where i'm tired after work, get home, goof off for a while, work for a little bit, hit a rough spot, get distracted for way too long, get back to work pretty late, then maybe finish 1 of 4 things i probably should have taken care of by the end of the day. resting in itself feels like an activity i have to push myself to do followed by pushing myself through the rest of my work or some projects.  **tldr**  overall, i guess what i'm asking is how do you rejuvenate yourself between your midday and evening work to keep going during the evening? do you have something you do that leaves you refreshed enough to keep working on some things into the evening?  also, if you do manage to get work in like this often, i.e. you go to work/school for the day, then also have some kind of effortful hobby you do in the evening as well, do you come up with plans or schedules to stick to get through this? if so, what do you do if the time comes and you feel too tired to actually commit? when i take breaks from attempts to form working habits, they fall apart and i forget for a few days or for good that i'm trying to put effort into my evenings to get better grades or finish some personal work.  ", "answer": "so there are a few vitamins you can take that will help make the effects last longer (but i am currently evacuated from home bc of irma so message me if you're interested).    honestly i have a second script for adderall ir ontop of my 40mg vyvanse because of this issue. if you're responsible about your meds there's no reason not to ask the doctor if that's an option.  relax wise?  i have to make sure i don't do anything i could get sucked into. if i need a break, i take a bath,  turn on comedy radio and keep my eyes closed for awhile. if i were to do something \"fun\" i'd never switch to getting work done.    good luck! ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "6zpfl8", "comment_id": "6zpfl8"}, {"question": "diet pills and laxatives ?", "description": "is it okay to take both laxatives and diet pills? if not had anyone taken diet pills? if so, how have they affected you. did they suppress your appetite, or make you sick? just asking what people\u2019s experiences have been with diet pills", "answer": "diet pills make me shaky and laxatives dehydrate. i would only take them if a doctor advises it.   what i do personally is take my doctor-prescribed medication for appetite control and take metamucil otc.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "htz7f2", "comment_id": "htz7f2"}, {"question": "how do i get rid of anxiety from adderall?", "description": "i've been taking in adderall for a few months now..ever since the pandemic..and i've noticed that my anxiety is skyrocketing of late.  how do i reduce my anxiety from adderall?", "answer": "take less or no adderall. talk to your dr and they can change the script. it sounds like you don't have a paradoxical effect from it and do you maybe shouldn't use it.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "jnvd8l", "comment_id": "jnvd8l"}, {"question": "belittled & dismissed", "description": "context: 17m, i've been diagnosed with severe social anxiety, depression, and more recently autism. (high functioning, mostly communication barriers)   i've always dealt with suicidal ideation, tendencies, self harm and overthinking. due to these factors i struggle a lot, but dont talk about it much.   whenever i tell my mom that i need immediate help by being admitted to a mental health ward she dismisses whatever i say.   she shuts me down and simply talks about things that she struggles with instead; reminding me that things are shitty for everyone and not just me.   when i express my needs, or whatever is on my mind she just tells me that she relates to my problems, if i get defensive or irritable she tells me that i'm being a bratty teen and that if i want to be treated like an adult then i need to talk to her \"respectfully\".   mind you its already taken so much time for me to get to the point of being able to physically talk to her rather than handing her a note or text.   we fought pretty bad recently, i told her that i'm tired of having to parent my parent (having to be her emotional support). she then wailed on me, basically saying, \"excuse me you little fucking bitch? are you really going to use that tone with me right now? you cant even begin to comprehend or understand what it's like having to parent your parent. grow a fucking pair and get off your ass.\" she blocked the only exit to my room while yelling at the top of her lungs.   i just don't know what to do, i'm tired of hyperventilating. i'm tired of always being suffocated by this cloud, tired of the stressors.   is that selfish?", "answer": "asds are, more often than not, diagnosed quite a few years before it appears you were diagnosed.  may i ask if this has something to do with your mother's dismissive attitude/behavior towards you?  asd can be a difficult diagnosis for parents to wrap their heads around, particularly because their children are involved, so denial or avoidant behaviors aren't uncommon.    i apologize in advance for anything i might say regarding your mom that may be perceived as offensive.  your mother sounds like a real piece of work.  i'm sorry you have to go through this.  based on the few brief interactions you described, she really doesn't seem supportive or pleasant to be around.  despite all that, she is your mother, so she wins by default...in some areas.  when it comes to your suicidal ideation/self-injurious behaviors/etc., your mother's lack of acknowledgement with how you're feeling, how she can help, what can she do to make things better, how can things change, etc. is upsetting/concerning.  she comes across as more self-absorbed than is her relationship with you.  it's really difficult trying to have a conversation with someone with the type of personality she portrays.  changing her behavior is more unlikely than likely, but she would have to want to change, which it doesn't sound like she would even consider to problematic.    you're almost 18, are you going away to school or is it possible for you to move out?  moving away from parents who act like your mom can actually play a role in salvaging a relationship with her, if you would like one.    simply asking whether you are being selfish is likely a reflection of the way your mother has conditioned you to feel.  my answer to your question is absolutely not.  you are not being selfish.  you are a child (legally), and your mother has a duty to take care of you.  i don't care if you actually were being selfish, it still does not give anyone the right to treat you as if your feelings/experiences/emotions/etc do not matter.  you matter.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "elnr1v", "comment_id": "elnr1v"}, {"question": "sleep paralysis while i'm awake?", "description": "sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. i'm looking for insight/advice on a reoccuring health problem i'm having.  about once a month, always when i'm tired, i'll start to lose visual focus, mental clarity, and its difficult or impossible to move. i also have auditory hallucinations, a strong sense that there's something/someone near me, and feel a large amount of terror.  it lasts a few minutes in total. it's reached the point where i know what's coming and i can prepare myself while it ramps up. there's a terrifying peak and then it ramps down fairly quickly.   according to the internet, this sounds like sleep paralysis. except i'm awake. although like i said, it occurs when i'm tired, trying to sleep or in bed reading.  has anyone else had the same problem? anything i can do? is this some other issue i should be aware of?", "answer": "my only real guess is that you should get more sleep. but you ought to go to a doctor if you're worried about it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "26lc37", "comment_id": "26lc37"}, {"question": "my fiance [25/m] is finally trying to work hard on his behavioral/addiction issues, but it's not sticking enough to stop hurting my trust/our lives and i'm losing hope.", "description": "sorry, it's a book. i have to let this out and ask for help, and i don't really specifically know what advice i need, but i need whatever anyone here can tell me that i don't already know, which is apparently a lot.  we've been through a lot of shit. we went through a period of very, very involuntary and stressful homelessness together, which ended almost a year ago, and that has been more advantageous and educational than harmful overall. we've both quit interesting substances before, hardest of which for both was probably tobacco apart from him now being done with drinking, i can't speak for him but that appears to be harder. he quit last year after many idiotic decisions about it and me giving an ultimatum, and has only messed up on it a couple of times since then, recently drank after a fight and subsequently admitted it and the previous errors, is now going to aa. (neither of us had ever liked the sound of it before, but he fell in with some really great people who aren't shoving god or no-accountability models up his ass, it's been great. entirely his own idea thanks to someone he met, and i like it that way, i've *wanted* him to find something that was his own damn idea.) he originally started drinking and hiding it way back as a young teen, and has a long history of emotionally escaping from all criticism and using apathy as a defense mechanism against his emotionally abusive and controlling parents. (i'll clarify a little about them if anyone wants details for relevant reasons, but i'm not going to waste time justifying that summary of them, it's the truth and i'm stipulating it.) that kind of abuse, and alcoholism itself, are problems that i have no direct experience with or literacy in, and i have learned very rapidly that alcoholism especially is not in my range of things i understand or may ever truly understand, despite my knowledge of other addiction.  we've been together just over 3.5 years and fighting increasingly for the last 2, since a particular brief stint of proximity to his parents. that period of time seemed to really set him back on lots of emotional maturity i had observed him to have developed early in our relationship; in retrospect, i was seeing insecure arrogance as emotional independence. the fights increasingly became more about the fact that he never did a damn thing to change any of his behaviors after each fight, than they were about any given inconsiderate or thoughtless or unaware trigger that caused the fights themselves. *then* the fights would escalate because of his behavior *in* the fights, starting with displaying extreme blatant apathy and a refusal to listen, respond, or absorb anything (i had to teach him to say \"okay\" or \"thank you\" when *other people* say things or answer his questions, let alone acknowledge being spoken to in conflict) and then deflection/denial/excuses followed by absolutely mindfuckingly irrational rewrites of narratives in order to try to justify whatever denial of accountability he just propped up. it's a survival thing or something, because he seriously snaps into a mode that we've figured out is to some degree dissociative, based on his total amnesia associated with in-fight events that occur when he's in that state. i've also started taking notes about how his posture and voice changes, and how his facial expressions are radically different and how his eyes do some certain weird behaviors early on when he's starting to become defensive and switch into this state which we call asshole mode. so we don't know what that is, but we're trying to identify signals and stop it early.  we're both very interested in actually being introspective and meta and working things through and comparing and contrasting our matrices about things and finding ways to work constructively together. he's motivated. he really seriously gives a damn. it's been hard for me to believe it sometimes what with his very behavior being absofuckinglutely contrary to it sometimes, but he does. but every single time he agrees to work on his behaviors and make changes, he continues to become complacent after a couple of weeks and goes back into the same cycles. he's gotten into skateboarding and it's double-edged because the exercise is helping him and having a hobby/new community of people is helping him, but then it turns into something he rationalizes obsessing over and making compulsive purchases about. he does that with *everything*. it doesn't matter how constructive something is supposed to be, he's either totally averse to things and noncompliant with them whether he agreed to it or not (like last year when he postponed seeking low-cost therapy for months before i made him do it) ... or he becomes obsessed and rationalizes everything around the theoretical \"thing i'm supposed to do\" and does it to a detrimental extent and fucks up other responsibilities. it's like the part of him that knows when to stop, or start, *anything*, is completely absent. he always requires someone else to make him start things or stop things.  i've had to crack down on every kind of boundary like i'm a fucking kindergarten teacher, because he doesn't actually retain conclusions that we arrive at or rules we agree on. it's like the part of his brain that actually attaches things to other things is broken. even when, after much repetition and much anger and much reinforcement, he finally retains a new habit or concept, he still 1. usually relapses on it and completely forgets it every few months at most, and 2. doesn't far transfer it to any other applied contexts except the exact specific situation in which it originally came up.   so, in short (ha):  - although the *frequency* of this is improving and he's having good days more often than not, his natural default responses to criticisms involve fundamentally rude, deflective, apathetic behaviors, and this is consistent regardless of how corrections are presented or their level of importance; he can become argumentative to the point of total irrationality and self-contradiction, and at worst enter what appear to be dissociative states  - these episodes where he behaves like this correlate highly with him having poor sleep, which despite all our best efforts at controlling variables, just seems to *happen* for a few nights sometimes leading up to these more-mood-swingy days; they also correlate with him experiencing a few days of interpreting neutral statements as though they're criticisms/accusations and legitimately hallucinating/falsely remembering accusations and criticisms that didn't occur  - even in the good times when he's responding well and behaving constructively and conversing with active listening and true giveadamn, he generally doesn't actually act on what was agreed on, not before many many many many many dozens of repetitions and often ultimately a serious emotional conflict over the issue no matter how simple or practical it is -- and even once he starts good habits, sometimes weeks or months later they just stop again for no apparent reason and generally he doesn't remember the conversation where he agreed to them in the first place  - when promises don't get kept or things don't get acted on, there is *invariably* an excuse and a reason why it was someone else's responsibility or there was a circumstantial justification, defaulting again to deflecting accountability; until the last two months or so of *really* hard work, there was literally never a single time when he responded to any concern, ever, with simple acknowledgment instead of defensiveness first without being intervened with and told that he had to make such an acknowledgment  - this is all presenting in conjunction with impulsive and rash behavior, compulsive spending, poor judgment, lack of foresight, lack of ability to adhere to routine including diet and hydration, occasional strange unawareness of time, a really peculiar inability to read the emotional signals of other people (his facial mimicry is also oddly awful), a tendency to interrupt people a lot without realizing it, and probably other behaviors i'm forgetting to articulate  - should note also that he has bad compulsive skin-picking that increases with his anxiety and mood swings, and also generalized anxiety disorder which used to result in more regular attacks but which has improved over the last few years, attacks also appeared to lessen in severity when they stopped routinely ending in vomiting after he had horrific gallstones removed. another psychologically pertinent component especially with regard to trauma and dissociation is that he had a serious knee surgery at 2 years old and remembers it as a vividly stressful experience.  last year, when we essentially broke up overnight until a day of resolution including him quitting drinking, he had some serious epiphanies and started to move forward. since then, we've covered a lot of ground. we've developed all kinds of tools about taking breaks and resolving things when conflicts *do* happen, and done a lot of work to try to *prevent* the seriously fucking inconsiderate original behaviors and the fucked up responses he has to even the most gently tense of conversations. *most* of the time, we're okay. but still has serious mood swings that seem to come every few weeks and last around 2-4 days where he becomes particularly defensive and inconsiderate and just tends to have iteration after iteration of these episodes. this is coming along painfully, painfully slowly, but it's still interfering with our lives. nine out of ten days we spend together lately, we're fighting about something, and it's virtually always something that's been hashed out before, usually literally dozens or more times. and as you might imagine, i've fucking started to lose it and become a much more emotionally overreactive person because i feel like i'm living in fucking groundhog's day, and i never know what i'm going to have to re-explain next as though he's never heard it before. this makes it really fucking hard to trust him or trust that we can be an effective team, about anything. i can't have a relationship where i'm in charge not only of planning and thinking about and delegating everything, but also required to be the personal handholder of the other person and point at each item on the list for them.  i can't parent a child with brain damage. i'm not a fucking parent and i never signed up to be one, and i seriously can't live with someone who constantly regresses like this, not when the mental illness itself innately involves them failing to remember that it's their responsibility to do something about their fucking behaviors. i can't fucking handle being in a relationship with someone who can *appear* to learn something, *many times over*, and then fuck it up over and over and over and over again down the line. i'm trying to find useful examples to list but when i say it's *everything*, i seriously mean it's fucking everything. \"the chores list is on the sticky note on the wall and every important project we need to handle is written down too, stop asking me every morning to plan your day when i get to work and have my own shit to do\" to \"it's your job to remember to refill the supplements on x and y days\" to \"you have to be consistent with the dogs, not be too harsh about something and then confuse them by praising them to make up for it\" to \"you have to look up where you're going before you start driving because it's not okay to go out not knowing and then see a highway and let that be your reminder trigger to look up whether you need to get on it or not, i don't care if you pull over to do it, you're still increasing variables and practicing bad practice, take responsibility first instead of waiting for the world to remind you of everything\" to \"it's your own fucking job to pick up your fidget cube or other tools and have them in your hands so that you stop obsessively picking at yourself, not my job to remind you to be proactive for the fifteenth fucking time today and third in a row during this fucking five minutes\". this is my life. i'm losing my fucking mind because i didn't fucking sign up to be a parent and he's making me be one. he doesn't mean to, and he hates it; he just outright fails to function in any way other than one which depends on me to fucking figure out everything. he does *tasks*, he's *helpful*, he's *useful*, he's just got absolutely no fucking independent drive whatsoever about anything other than a given obsessive subject/hobby of the moment. i don't want to micromanage him. there is just literally no other way to keep him from fucking off all day and being an entitled asshole. this slowly evolved here, and i have resisted it as hard as i knew how.  it seriously doesn't matter how dangerous a practice is or how big a deal it is or how simple it is, or how beneficial or appealing a habit change is. he. does. not. retain. anything. or when he appears to, it fades way later anyway. the progress is too painstakingly slow, and it's jeopardizing my career because i have to spend 9/10ths of the time i'm home either fixing something, or explaining something to him for the fiftieth time, or sometimes spending time intervening with my own anxiety over the fact that i'm explaining something to him for the fiftieth fucking time, or (sometimes) diffusing asshole mode and forcing him out of the house on a walk if he snaps into that state that day and refuses to listen. i can't fucking get anything done when he's a demanding child in my face wanting to talk about something exciting every fifteen minutes, \"just real quick\" (= ten minutes of \"and and and and and\"), \"just this last one and then i'll leave you alone i promise\". no matter what he claims he'll take initiative and responsibility about, it always ends up coming down to being *my* job to *remind* him to do it. \"oh, i thought i had *told* you i was going to do x the wrong way you said not to do it, so you could be responsible for catching me and telling me not to yet again this time\" -- the kind of shit he says when making yet another situational excuse. is there something wrong with me here for finding these behaviors and syntaxes blatantly fucking unhealthy?  we come from very different philosophies and that's part of our impasse. he's always been very sheltered and controlled and taught that nothing is his fault and the world is out to fuck him, and i was raised to take complete total accountability for literally everything i ever bring on myself and that the world is totally apathetic toward me and can be amazing for me if i make it that way. kinda really different. and i'm only three years older than he is, but i dropped out early and had been on my own more often than not for around 10 years when we got together, at which time he was still a full-time student (straight to campus from home) at a school that crushes souls in ways that extend beyond hard academics. i come to this with a lot of militant bias about how everyone is responsible for evaluating themselves and implementing their own systems to cognitively and behaviorally condition themselves into not sucking at life. maybe i'm fucking weird, but i always thought everyone was responsible for that. he agrees with me logically, very much so now, but it's not a matrix he grew up with and it *seems* to *me* that that lack of accountability influences his behavior. by default, when not reminded to behave otherwise, his default is to go around in the world acting like it owes him something and should remind him about every obligation at every turn. i don't know if this is a product of the emotional abuse combined with the only predictability and security in life coming from video game manuals and course syllabi or what, but it's like he doesn't know how to make decisions without needing someone else to write instructions. i waxed armchair psychologist there and i hate it when people do that. but i just don't fucking comprehend his mindset.  what the fuck do i do? i'm miserable. there has been some very painfully slow progress but every single fucking leap forward comes at the cost of me extending patient chance after patient chance and ultimately having him fuck up my life enough for me to become upset and blow up at him and threaten to kick him out, before he snaps out of the asshole mode of that day and starts to actually talk out whatever problem instead of gaslighting me about it. only after our worst fights has he ever made any real strides, and then the momentum fizzles out, and i get upset, and i tell him i'm getting upset about the momentum fizzling and that he can't get complacent, and he tries a little bit, but then it just spreads the problem out more. this isn't okay. i can't keep tolerating this excruciatingly slow progress that relies entirely on me making a full-time job of being his personal coach. i love him and he very clearly loves me and is very clearly hurting and scared and i just want us to be okay and i want what's best for him, but he feels threatened by literally everything and has no idea how to love and respect himself, and so he can't demonstrate any respect for anyone else, especially apparently not me or my time because i'm his only family now and this is how his family behave, and it's ruining my fucking life and ruining our relationship. we've all but decided that we're going through the motions for now until we're financially independent enough for him to move out, unless something miraculous happens by then, because i seriously don't feel like i can trust him because every single fucking promise he ever makes to me ultimately proves to be a lie, no matter what he attempts to commit to. he just can't seem to fucking take initiative about anything, and i don't have any more. but i don't want to give up, even though i feel like i have no choice and have already almost done it a million times over. what the fuck do i do?", "answer": "\"codependent no more\" is a useful book. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694cch", "comment_id": "694cch"}, {"question": "where does one seek professional help?", "description": "i've finally decided that i should really speak to someone about some long-standing feelings, but i don't actually know how to go about getting help.  who am i looking for, exactly?", "answer": "if you have insurance, you can go to their website, and they should have a list of approved providers in your area", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1f8rik", "comment_id": "1f8rik"}, {"question": "epicac over the counter", "description": "yeah so how do i go about obtaining epicac to help throw up? i don\u2019t care if this isn\u2019t healthy or allowed but i\u2019ve looked on amazon and i can only find nausea relief. i eat to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and it\u2019s a vicious cycle of not being able to purge because my depression makes me too tired. i just want to know if i can get it at the pharmacy, i can\u2019t seem to find it", "answer": "at least in the us you\u2019re not going to be able to find it otc. i don\u2019t think this sub allows for posting of substitutes because we are all trying to recover, not encourage disordered behavior.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "f7pphi", "comment_id": "f7pphi"}, {"question": "stuck", "description": "my bf (33m) and i (35f) have been together nearly 2 years. we\u2019re engaged (sort of) and live together. he has a history of doing things behind my back (ie sexting other girls pics of himself and requesting the same in return; emails and texts to ex, etc) which i forgave and we both worked towards rebuilding our relatiobship and being honest and committed.    however i\u2019ve noticed since the beginning of the year he\u2019s been extra withdrawn. at first he said it was a \u201chobby\u201d learning about various software programming and whatnot for a macbook i bought him for christmas. then, he went from little to no convo to not talking to or spending time with me at all, and i can\u2019t help but shake the feeling there\u2019s more to it than \u201clearning about a hobby\u201d.   we\u2019ve argued numerous times and he says being in the same room counts as \u201cquality time spent\u201d, yet he doesn\u2019t engage or interact unless he\u2019s in the mood; or requires something of my existence.    also, his suspect behavior concerning other women has come back into play. he\u2019s secretive with passwords and has numerous cloud drives. he\u2019s began having private encrypted chats and texts with other/former flames and even invited a girl he has a past with into our bedroom (yet failed to tell me the extent of their relationship until she brought it to my attention). on top of it all he\u2019s moody; shouts at me all the time (even for asking questions or requesting we do something as a couple) uses profanity towards me regularly and is kind; talkative and patient with his friends and even other females.    i love him but i daily feel disrespected and as if he could care less if i\u2019m in his life or not. i don\u2019t want a failed relationship however deep down (and i\u2019ve been patient and understanding) i feel i deserve better treatment than this or at least minimally kindness. could anyone tell me if i\u2019m blowing it out of proportion or asking fat too much. ", "answer": "you are totally right in your feelings. you're putting up with way too much sh*t.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "782fbm", "comment_id": "782fbm"}, {"question": "aneurysm question", "description": "ssions. please include:  age - 22 sex - m height - 5'9 weight - 130  race - white duration of complaint - 2 months location (geographic and on body) - ohio, right eye any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - none current medications (if any) - none include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example) /  i was curious: if an unruptured aneurysm were causing eye pain, would it be constant, or could it be made worse by things like exercise or sodium intake? would it cause a pressure type feeling before pain? would it cause nausea?", "answer": "these are theoretical questions which are hard to answer in general. are you worried you have a brain aneurysm? what are your complaints?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bbfbk7", "comment_id": "bbfbk7"}, {"question": "how does a therapist leave out their biases/morals?", "description": "let's say there's a husband that wants to leave his family and start over some where else  this would be emotional freedom for the husband but the same time be detrimental to the rest of his family  how does a therapist handle this kind of a situation?  from what i've observed, the therapist should let the husband come to his own conclusion(leave, start over) but at the same time, the right thing/moral thing to do would be to also take the family into consideration.  is it appropriate for a therapist to then inject his/her moral biases into the situation(your family depends on you, imagine how much this would hurt them) etc ?", "answer": "we all have biases,  and most of us try to leave them out . we do this in many ways.  for me, i consult with other professionals i trust to tell me if it seems like i am biased.    i think something else to consider is that just because something may seem like a moral issue on the surface,  the underlying issue may be really different.   in the example you gave,  you said:  >this would be emotional freedom for the husband but the same time be detrimental to the rest of his family  this is black/white, either/or thinking. it is unlikely that a trained therapist would conceptualize the problem in this way .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h95te6", "comment_id": "h95te6"}, {"question": "fooling myself", "description": "i would like to believe that i'm important enough that my subtle way of praying to a \"higher power\" is actually listened to or taken into the universe for some great good. but i'm not, and i feel like my efforts to believe in god are just fooling myself, and my ego convincing me that i'm important in the universe. i am the centre of my known universe, i only know it from my eyes.    and if i don't believe in god, only because i simply can't live the lie that i know i am deep down, trying to psychologically play a mind trick with myself to make life less stressful by believing in a higher power and a righteous order, then i only consider myself dry. i've been debating on whether i am dry or sober. i'm dry, and i have no idea how to get sober. i have no balance. i hate myself because i know myself too well.   so i'm just going to give up thinking too much, stop talking at meetings, just listen and leg go of trying to live for an authentic god, and just live for really basic things like sleep, food, and minimal progress in my physical state. i'm done thinking my way into getting religion.", "answer": "i don't think you're dry at all. you clearly have the willingness that is evident in your attempt to come closer with a higher power of your own understanding. now you're doing something i did myself which is trying to intellectualize and bring logic to a program which requires neither and it's complicating things.   at first in rehab i tried to explain to my counselor my higher power which i didn't actually believe in and she told me i was full of shit. she was right believe it or not. i didn't begin to come close to the higher power of my understand until 6 and 7.   as for prayer it can really be what you make of it. if you're praying because your hp should pay attention to you because you are the center of the world. you'll have different results than if you pray to be of service to the people in your life today.   i think you've got a solid base right now and almost everyone in 12 step programs has periods of frustration like this and we can all attest that sticking through it in working the program has not only kept us sober, but bettered us as people.   keep it going evolve you've got today and that's what matters right now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1itrnl", "comment_id": "1itrnl"}, {"question": "planning to run away. what should i know", "description": "i plan to run away soon, in about 6-8 months time. i grew up in a broken home and have never had friends, i've been neglected and left to be alone for the 17 years ive been alive. i moved in with my grandparents to escape my father abuse and mothers neglect. now my grandparents are pressuring me so much and i want to leave but the only other option is my parents again. they act as if everything is fine, they want me to be all happy like they are but they all seem to forget everything i went through. my earliest memory is getting pushed down the stairs for losing a book, i was beaten nearly daily for 9-10 years, i'm not exaggerating when i say i'm a broken person. loneliness is horrid but i've gotten used to it, i've attempted suicide before but even then, my parents didn't change.  these days, they're all wanting for me to be part of the family but any and all desire for family in me is gone. i don't love them, i want nothing to do with them and i have no problem saying that, i truly mean it. i cant stand my grandparents pressure and i don't want to go back to abuse. so i will run away in 6-8 months time.   currently i work 25 hours a week at a wage of $9 an hour, i figure that by the time 8 months is up ill have around $5,000 (usd) if i save well (also taxes). i am 17 and a junior in high school, i currently use drugs but would gladly and easily leave them behind in order to save for this. i don't know exactly where i'm going to go, or what i'm going to do, but after years of thinking, ive decided that this is what i want.   so that being said, with $5,000, where should  i, a healthy 17 year old male, go for refuge? i have no problem wandering, however i'd like to work, problem is that places might report me as a runaway, i also wouldn't have a bank account to be paid from as they would track the card so i would need a cash job which aren't that common. i have an ipod currently that i can use for communication to the internet, which cant be traced. no one knows the serial number or password. i would gladly invest in a better device if needed.   i have nothing here, i am ready to runaway, i just need to plan, thank you all.", "answer": "look into independent living programs through your county\u2019s child protective services. i\ufe0f live in pennsylvania, and my county has programs for people aged 16-21 that are unable/unwilling to live at home anymore. they provide supervised housing (apartments with 24 hour staff present in an office), help you stay in school/get a job, and give you a stipend for food and living expenses. i\u2019m sure your area has something like this as well. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "7ch30n", "comment_id": "7ch30n"}, {"question": "suffering from melancholic depression for 10 years; woke up today feeling \"eurphoic\".", "description": "i'm a 25 year old male, with \"melancholic\" depression symptoms including:  anhedonia, no appetite (10 kg underweight), bad moods in the morning with lowered appetite, trouble waking, and falling a sleep, anxiety.  i'm on nortriptyline 25mg / day.  today i woke up absolutely euphoric, like i'm on some sort of opiate, i got out of be without struggling, ate breakfast without struggling, i feel calm and relaxed, my veins are enlarged like my blood pressure has gone up (it tends to be on the low side normally), i don't feel cold in my fingertips like i would normally in this weather, my skin is tingling, and when i masterbated the orgasm was way more intense.  this is not the first time it has happened, maybe 1-3 times a year never \"back to back\", this is the first time i've stopped to think, what is going on here, why such a swing in my body for no good reason, why is it so abrupt, and only on one day?  the only thing that has changed for me is i started eating eggs and spinach over the last few days.  i've been looking around online to see if i could find anything that could describe the sensations, nothing really comes up, perhaps something related to oxytocin, or beta-endorphins?", "answer": "hard to know for sure. sometimes when people have been depressed for a long time, if their mood normalizes for a little bit, it can feel \u201ceuphoric\u201d just by comparison even though it\u2019s just normal mood.   the alternative would be sub threshold hypomanic symptoms (you\u2019d need a full seven days and other symptoms along with mood elevation).   you should discuss it with whoever is prescribing your nortriptyline. and if you stop sleeping or start noticing risky behaviour you should see a doctor right away. may be worth also asking the people in your life what these brief episodes look like from the outside - a doctor will also want to know if there is an objective behaviour change.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "7yvwhf", "comment_id": "7yvwhf"}, {"question": "[23/f] me questioning relationship with the person (27/m) i'm dating.", "description": "we've been dating for 10 months, broke up once (i initiated it, got back together after) because i was unhappy with things. at that point, we were arguing a fair bit over silly things.   we stopped arguing but everything else kinda stopped as well. in a week (at maximum), we talk about once on the phone, exchange a few texts (no more than 10?), and meet once or twice for a coffee or something. sex occurs once a month... maybe.   every bit of communication, i initiate.  we're both busy with out work and studies but does it get this bad? i went from feeling like i wanted more to just not  wanting to hang out at all to... not knowing what to do.   i don't know how to question this or bring this up without first drilling myself with questions; am i being needy? am i being demanding? have we always been this way? is it my fault? what is wrong with initiating everything? there's nothing wrong with initiating everything? does he like me?... and it is driving me nuts.  when we meet, things are amicable. we talk about our lives briefly, coffee, stuff, etc. i don't want to ruin things by bringing up something i'm unhappy with.   it's just weird for me that he doesn't sense anything; if he does feel that something's wrong, he pretends well.   there are times when i want to lash out, say or do things that i feel would hurt him because i feel hurt. i feel like a sensitive, angry teenager for being butthurt over something simple. i'm trying to keep myself busy but it still hurts and i keep coming back to feeling this way.   it's like i'm going through the motions; ups and downs. on some days, it feels ok, on other days, i just don't want this.   how do i live with this and make it feel ok? i don't know how to bring this up and i can't do it at the moment, because we're both really busy and i genuinely don't want to be the person that breaks things up again.   i don't get what he sees in us dating; it's so boring and i've a better relationship/camaraderie/rapport with people i've met very recently than him. i think i want him to break up with me.   in all honesty, i feel ashamed more than anything for being this sensitive, needy, emotional, etc. the general advice is to usually leave but honestly, i just can't give enough fu**s to do it.   i just need advice to get through this and feel sane again.   tl;dr: help me figure out a way to feel sane while amicably, sporadically dating a guy i'm not sure about. ", "answer": "it doesn't seem like you think things can change, so do you want to feel this way in 6 months? hell, do you want to still feel this crappy a week from now? you both deserve passion. you know you need to break up with him, don't drag it out until he does it for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4lv3oc", "comment_id": "4lv3oc"}, {"question": "during conversations: what to do with your hands?", "description": "hello there fellow redditors!   in the last few months i have really improved my social skills in regard to talking and making conversations with people. that is something of with i'm quite proud since i wasn't that good at it. as you might know, words are only a part in the overall communication you send. on the other hand there is posture and this is something that i still struggle with from time to time.  when in conversation, often i get the feeling that i don't know what to do with my hands. most of the time they go into my pockets, behind my back or my right hand holds my left arm. this perhaps can come across as uncertainty to the person(s) that i talk to.   i am curious what our hands are doing while in conversation. tips are ofcourse also more then welcome!", "answer": "do whatever makes you comfortable.  i \"talk with my hands\" a lot.  it's something that comes pretty naturally and i'm fairly unconscious of it most of the time because it's just habit.  just do whatever really feels natural, especially if it's a casual conversation.     the most important and simple piece of advice i can give is to not overthink it and just let things flow.  focus on the content of conversation and not what you look like or how you sound or any of your presentation.  being hyper-aware of your presentation will only cause a great deal of anxiety and apprehensiveness that will show through.     if you're overly concerned with specific habits in your body language in that they may be sending signals you don't intend then try your best be aware for a second, correct, then ignore it and go back to focusing on content.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ql32l", "comment_id": "8ql32l"}, {"question": "how to get more girls in my life?", "description": "im in high school and because of how i was raised essentially my natural instinct is to not socialize with girls and block them out. its just what i naturally fall back onto when in the presence of girls. how can i get over this horrible tendency to not talk to any girls and actually start making friends with them?", "answer": "try taking a social dance class/joining a social dance club. i'm talking about things like salsa, swing, ballroom, etc. in a social dance, you're paired with a female partner and it's natural to talk with them when you're dancing, so there's no awkwardness about starting a conversation. plus, you get to learn how to touch girls in a way that is healthy and acceptable, and girls *really* like it when guys know how to dance :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "s3acb", "comment_id": "s3acb"}, {"question": "happiness.", "description": "the whole point of me getting sober was to get well.  i was miserable.  i did not do it for my wife, my kids, or anything else.  i was miserable and living a tortured existence.  and i am happy now.  well most of the time.  i still have to deal with life.  there still are rotten people in the world, there still is work, i still have considerable debt and a lack of money.  but i am learning how to process these things.  i am learning how to deal with all these things in a healthy manner.  and i am happier than i have ever been.  i still have problems.  but drinking and the misery i felt are not one.  i believe that happiness is the whole point of recovering.  there were times in my recovery when i was miserable.  i was doing it all wrong.  i was afraid to ask for help.  i didn't want to reach out to other alcoholics.  i wanted to be lazy and do things my way.  my way and my hair brained ideas tend to not work.  my brain is what got me into this situation in the first place.  i have discovered that when i am miserable in sobriety i am doing it wrong.   for me, a once hopeless and miserable drunk, happiness is attainable.  i have it most days.  it's a wonderful gift.  it's a side effect that, to be honest, i did not believe sobriety would give me.  my advice to newcomers is to reach out and ask for help.  you are not alone.  find yourselves some sort of program and a sober network.  use it.  throw yourself at it with the reckless abandon that we used to use when throwing ourselves at alcohol.  the results can be astonishing.  honesty, open mindedness, and willingness have brought me a long way in a short time.  peace, love, and happiness are pretty cool.  i love you guys.", "answer": "i tend to stay away from gauging my sobriety with and having the goal of happiness. i think my seeking of happiness has caused me a lot of trouble in the past and being out for my own happiness is the behavior i've sought change from. i try to gauge where i'm at based on how i'm affecting the people in my life. however i am generally a fairly happy person when i'm positively affecting the people i care for.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i2vfa", "comment_id": "1i2vfa"}, {"question": "is getting out of your comfort zone just enough?", "description": "so last night instead of watching the super bowl last night in my room alone i went to a lounge with around 20 people inside and watched it there. i was sitting alone for most of it since most people there either came together or just knew each other. as a introvert did i do anything wrong? isn\u2019t the point of stepping out of your comfort zone to eventually meet new people?", "answer": "nothing wrong.  that's a great first step.  do it until it no longer feels challenging.  then do the next thing up, start having conversations with the staff or someone you may have seen there regularly while going before.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "an4d54", "comment_id": "an4d54"}, {"question": "has anyone taken fluconazole before?", "description": "my doctor recently prescribed me with fluconazole for a yeast infection. it's a one time dose but i've never taken it before. she knows i'm emetophobic and said she's never had anyone complain of getting sick before but i looked it up and it said nausea and upset stomach are a common side effect. does anyone have any experience with this?? thanks!!!", "answer": "i took it and was fine!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "bes1l1", "comment_id": "bes1l1"}, {"question": "my relationship doesn\u2019t feel special anymore. what should i do?", "description": "i\u2019ve been married for over 70 years. we\u2019ve had our ups and downs but over the last few years we\u2019ve sort of drifted apart. he\u2019d started seeing other people, and to be honest i was quite okay with the quiet life. last week my partner announced to the world (on twitter, of all places) that he wanted to meet me. he\u2019s acting pretty strangely and whilst he calls our relationship \u2018very special\u2019 in public, i can\u2019t help but feel pretty intimidated in private. i think he might be using me and wants to bully me into doing things. and to make matters worse he\u2019s started abusing our friends - he\u2019s even demanding that they pay for things they don\u2019t want. i\u2019m afraid if i don\u2019t say yes to him i\u2019ll be alone, but i know deep down what he wants me to do is wrong. what should i say? theresa, london.", "answer": "i'll assume 70 is a typo  you need couples counseling. big problems here for sure", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qc5xz", "comment_id": "5qc5xz"}, {"question": "suicide trigger warning", "description": "age- 18 sex- female height- 6'1 weight- 250lbs race- white duration of complaint- i did this about a year ago location- liver? no relevant medical issues no medication no photos  about a year ago i read somewhere that you can overdose and die with enough tylenol so i got all the pills in my house and my dumbass took about 200+ pills  ofcorse two hours later i threw everything back up-- the only side effect i got was for the next two days i had a constant ringing in my ears and i couldn't taste anything  so my question is did i cause any lasting damage to my liver. every bottle i see of tylenol says on the back if i take more than the recommended amount i risk causing seriouse damage  to my liver if i did infact cause lasting damage then what warning signs should i be looking for to see if my liver is suffering  going to a doctor is not an option so i'm asking y'all here-- thanks for any help :) ", "answer": "damage to your liver might include pain, turning yellow (jaundice), and death. liver failure is not a good way to die.  we can\u2019t evaluate that over the internet. you don\u2019t have to see a doctor, of course, but i highly recommend it. you don\u2019t have to say how or why you overdosed, although i recommend that as well; accidental overdoses happen and still may require urgent treatment.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9tn1t9", "comment_id": "9tn1t9"}, {"question": "which of these is likely to boost mood? (32f)", "description": " hi. my wife has ms (32f, 168cm, 58kg) and life has been tough recently. she takes sertraline, which helps, but recently she found something new. through an odd situation we were sent unsolicited vitamins from a mlm scheme and they told us to just keep them. my wife tried them and found she was happier, more motivated and generally in a great mood.   getting these vitamins from the mlm scheme is extremely expensive and not an option.  i bought, quality brand, vitamins, minerals, and supplements matching or exceeding the stated quantities for every one but the alternative do not give her the same boost as these vitamins do. so it must be something else in there and not just a specific vitamin etc.  here is the ingredients list: WEBLINK  can you see anything on there that jumps out as something that would significantly boost mood either on its own or in combination with sertraline?", "answer": "unfortunately there\u2019s minimal to no evidence behind any of these components for mood, and pills have a strong placebo effect for mood. it\u2019s also well demonstrates that the more expensive the placebo\u2019s sticker price, the better it works. brains and minds are complex things.  you can find a lot of bad evidence online (including in this very post\u2019s comments!) on supplements and anti-inflammatory diets and keto and gluten. there\u2019s no *good* evidence for any of those. if there were, it would be standard of care.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "j071hc", "comment_id": "j071hc"}, {"question": "insurance won't cover therapist; am i screwed?", "description": "god, i'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this - if there's a better one, please direct me to it.  after years of failing to find a therapist in my town that would work with me, i finally found someone who clicks and she's been helpful in steering me towards methods that manage my anxiety and depression. great, right? but she's not in my insurance network and i had assumed i had some out of network coverage options, because i took my employer's word without double checking myself.  turns out i don't. just says \"not covered\" on any out-of-network providers.  currently i pay $150 out of pocket per session and i see her weekly, but $600 a month is starting to drain and i'm having anxiety attacks over budgeting. i plan on speaking with her next time about sliding scale (which i feel like i'm insultingly cheap for asking about) but other than that, am i just out of options? it's either asking her to change her rate or nothing?", "answer": "is she in a private practice? if so, my guess is she won't be adjusting the fee :/  if you see a therapist at an agency or community mental health center, you are more likely to find sliding scale/ fee reduction based on need.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49e1j2", "comment_id": "49e1j2"}, {"question": "my [21/f] girlfriend has extreme catholic parents and i am getting extremely bored of how the relationship works because of them.", "description": "i have been dating this girl for a bit more than two months now, and i really like her in every way, but the huge problem is that her parents take care of her like she was 8.  she can't come to my house, we can't be alone, we have to (almost every time) be with her parents, she can't get home later than 10pm, i can't sleep at her house, i have only been on her room once, etc.  she has sneaked to my house several times and whatever but she is always pretty nervous and she is always scared. her mom asks her to take pictures of where we are and it's pretty annoying. i really just want to spend time with her and have fun but it has been really difficult. my friends love her but we always have to leave early, i have to take her home (which is like 2 hours away from mine)  she is also really hating this, and has even cried telling me \"dude i am 21, i am older than you (i am 19) and they threat me like i was 7\" but she tells me that even if she tries to talk with her parents, nothing will change and that they won't even listen to her.  it's also incredibly annoying to be with her mom like 60% of the time, she talks to me like criticizing me and trying to turn me into a catholic, i have spent almost the same time with her mom than with her, and it really sucks cause i just really want to have a cool relationship with this girl .  so yeah, in general the way the relationship is working has been boring for me and i don't what to do. if i want to be with my  so i have to be in her house, and if i'm there, her mom will come to us and talk about god for like 3 hours. should i stop going to her house? should i tell her to grow up and talk with her parents? i am really thinking about leaving her, i love this girl but if i can't spend quality time with her, i feel like the relation is just going nowhere. ", "answer": "she has to make a decision about being her own person or not. if she can't be, no rel. will work out for her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc0r6", "comment_id": "5kc0r6"}, {"question": "do i have autism?", "description": "tl;dr: if both of my parents have autism, how great is the chance that me and my siblings have it?  the reason why im asking this is because i have 5 siblings, and i am 100% sure that 2 of them have autism. ( 1 diagnosed, 1 undiagnosed). i do have some mental disorders, including bpd, (social) anxiety and depression, diagnosed. there is also 1 other sibling who has anxiety, but not as bad as mine, or they know how to handle and/or hide it better than me.   i would like to know how great the chance of me having autism is, if both my parents would have some form of it. the way they handle things and have raised us was pretty alarming, and there have been a lot of child protection services throughout our childhoods. i'm 90% sure that my dad has some form of autism, but im still doubting about my mother. it would explain a lot if my mother has it, since i also expect it from some of her siblings.", "answer": "so the bad news is that the most accurate answer you're going to get to your questions is: we don't know.  while some studies have suggested so, we still don't know for sure if autism is genetic. research has shown that autism can come from pretty much anywhere (except vaccines): environment, genetics, culture, etc.   it sounds like there's a history of mental health in your family, so an autism diagnosis wouldn't be completely out of the picture. however, no one is going to be able to tell you what the chances are of you or your siblings having autism. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4gkk28", "comment_id": "4gkk28"}, {"question": "beat a huge trigger last night", "description": "a friend who i party hard with randomly stopped at my place last night expecting me to already be drinking like always in the past and he showed up with a handle of vodka and a few grams of cocaine which previously i'd never ever be able to turn down that offer and i'm very glad i said i was taking it easy because if i indulged i'd still be up now at 9am drunk as hell and high dreading work tomorrow morning   woke up this morning feeling like i caught a cold but this beats still being up drunk and out of it regretting my decisions", "answer": "you are a freaking rock star! well done! enjoy your hangover-free day. (alcohol and cocaine hangovers are exponentially worse than alcohol hangovers ime)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dkjbvi", "comment_id": "dkjbvi"}, {"question": "therapy seems to be getting some flack from the far left these days", "description": "i'm a bit surprised, because i thought that was where it flourished and people who have had depression tend to gain empathy. what do you think happened?", "answer": "i will need more information to comment.  i'm not sure what you mean.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hgn2ov", "comment_id": "hgn2ov"}, {"question": "any 'as needed' anxiety meds out there?", "description": "buyer beware: my wife does not have a reddit, but wanted to ask this community a question, so she is using my account. everything below (and any/all responses) will be her on the keyboard.  ​  i am just wondering if there are 'as needed' options for anxiety meds. most of the time i manage it well enough, but when life gets particularly challenging, my anxiety really kicks into high gear. i feel overwhelmed, mentally paralyzed/stuck, just want to shrink away and hide all day, and lash out at those around me. it's pretty rough to be me or even to be near me at those times.  i would rather not have a 'take every day' med - i'm not a huge fan of taking meds of just about any kind even avoiding most otc headache/cold/etc meds whenever possible. so before i spend $100 just to talk to my dr (crappy insurance) i am wondering if there is an 'as needed' anti-anxiety med available. something i could just take on the bad days.  * age: 50 (pre-menopausal) * sex: yes (ha! junior high jokes are the best) female * height: 5'7\" * weight: 135 (down from a high of 170 last year! yay me!) * race: w * duration: intermittently since late 20's, early 30's (?) * location: it's all in my head (mental) * don't smoke, don't drink (\u266bwhat do you do\u266b), no drugs. * no current meds  thanks to the hubby for letting me use his reddit. i don't do social media, no matter how cool it looks. (hopefully his fbi/area 51 agents now think he's the one with anxiety issues!)", "answer": "there are a lot of recommendations for benzodiazepines here. i\u2019m not a big fan.  if anxiety is brief and episodic, the better treatment is psychotherapy, but that\u2019s a significant time investment. if it\u2019s a big enough problem to merit treatment, i think that is the way to go. as-needed treatment is over time generally less effective than as needed.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cp2lnx", "comment_id": "cp2lnx"}, {"question": "i need someone to tell me what is this problem with my penis", "description": "20m, 210, 6', caucasian, no medications, problem (as described below) has been going on as far as i can remember  i can\u2019t retract my foreskin. i always tried when i was younger and always was painful and could never fully retract. i can see part of my glans and can wash some what of it. but i cannot retract all the way to the neck of the penis.  now everyone is gonna say, is phimosis, i do not believe it is. i made a lot of research and can not find anything that seems to look like what i have. let me explain.  when i try to retract my penis foreskin, it starts showing a little of the glans, from the top side, then when i look at the bottom part, the foreskin is still in the top of the penis head, when i try to pull that area down the opening (external urethral meatus) and the inner foreskin are **literally stuck** together, there is a piece of flesh connecting them together.  this piece of flesh can not be the frenulum as the frenulum is not close to the meatus, i just don\u2019t understand why is it like that. is this a condition? i\u2019m sure this cannot be phimosis, as phimosis is tight foreskin not a piece of flesh that makes the top part of the penis stuck to the foreskin.  any doctors or anyone who is familiar with this?", "answer": "posts that can involve circumcision bring out strong *non-medical opinions.*  if you post about whether or not to get circumcision, your post should be removed. if you give forceful advice without flair, you will be temporarily banned to remove you from this thread.  this is r/askdocs, for **asking docs.** if you are not a doc, some have already weighed in here, and your editorializing is not welcome.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hm0xo7", "comment_id": "hm0xo7"}, {"question": "wellbutrin for adhd?", "description": "hey guys, my psychiatrist just px'd me wellbutrin for adhd. i know this is an anti-depressant; however, she assured me that it's secondarily used to treat adhd.   just curious if anyone has experience with this? i was no aware that this drug could be used. any insight is appreciated! thanks! ", "answer": "it is sometimes prescribed off label for adhd and some people do well with it. i\u2019ve been on wellbutrin for years for my depression and don\u2019t find that it helps much with my particular brand of adhd.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a3htqy", "comment_id": "a3htqy"}, {"question": "depression/anxiety, ssri tachyphylaxis, and possible long-term ssri treatment-induced bipolar disorder (?)", "description": "i'm a 40 y/o white male, 6'0\", 170 lbs, moderate drinker (1-2 drinks/day), former smoker (quit 2005), no recreational drugs. i've been on lexapro at some dosage (from 10-30 mg/day, currently 20 mg) for \\~13 years for diagnoses of depression/anxiety/ocd. i take 0.5 mg clonazepam as needed (maybe 1-2 times a month), and have also been diagnosed with adhd, although it is currently unmedicated as methylphenidate increased my anxiety.  my ocd is centered around health issues, predominately cardiac in nature. i've had multiple cardiac tests done repeatedly over 13 years with no issues found.   while on lexapro, i've still had issues with depression and anxiety. however, my anxiety has significantly abated with 20 mg over the past 1.5 years, and my clonazepam use has decreased substantially. that suggests to me that lexapro is working, even if it isn't ideal. the depression isn't as well-relieved by lexapro. i deal with low self-esteem, no energy, being grumpy/irritable, and little interest in formerly exciting hobbies. however, i am able to work a full-time engineering job and meet my family commitments. i do have days where my mood can plummet further, almost always in response to a specific situation or thought. i'm highly sensitive. these extreme low moods are often relieved by a good nap and i feel ok again later in the day. never has my mood elevated for no reason.  never do i feel full of energy, nor do i have trouble sleeping (quite the opposite).  my previous psychiatrist retired, and my new psychiatrist of 2 months says that ssris can not work for 13 years. also, she claims that long-term ssri use can cause someone to become bipolar, or at least exhibit some bipolar symptoms. she suspects this in me, despite 22 years of mental health treatment by multiple physicians and psychologists in which that diagnosis has never been suggested. she also believes that a past attempt to switch from lexapro to viibryd, quickly cross-tapering medications over a 2-week period, provides evidence for her bipolar suspicions because i became easily angered and highly irritable during this period (i went back to lexapro and those issues subsided). i've never experienced anything that resembles mania or an elevated mood as described in medical resources. i've taken all the diagnostic questionnaires that i can find and all indicate that i have very low to no probability of bipolar disorder.   i have suggested a willingness to try to augment my treatment with wellbutrin (i took it when quitting smoking with no issues), in the hopes that it may aid with the depression, as well as possibly help the adhd. my doctor does not like this as it may increase my anxiety and trigger a never-before-seen manic episode (she had no problem giving me methylphenidate for adhd which increased my anxiety). she has suggested zoloft (bad side effects the first time i took it) because it's \"most similar to lexapro.\" she has also mentioned abilify because of her bipolar suspicion. i have some anxiety about trying new medications due to my experience with viibryd. i don't want to end up missing work or dealing with worsening depression. some of the meds have rare side effects, the thoughts of which trigger my anxiety (prolonged qt intervals, stevens-johnson syndrome, etc.). at the close of my last appointment, she said \"i know what you need to do, but you're not going to do it. our time is almost up, so what do you want me to do?\"  she was alluding to my fear of medication, even though we had not discussed it during this appointment (our 3rd). here are my questions:  1. is ssri tachyphylaxis inevitable, as my doctor seems to suggest? 2. can long-term ssri treatment cause bipolar disorder? 3. in your opinion does my description above suggest a bipolar diagnosis? 4. i'm aware that wellbutrin aggravates anxiety/irritability in some people. can it induce a manic episode? 5. this may be beyond the scope of this sub, but given what i've written, would you suggest trying a different psychiatrist? i'm open to suggestions on how to continue my treatment.  thanks!", "answer": "1. pedantically, tachyphylaxis contains \u201ctacky-\u201c meaning fast. it\u2019s when drugs stop working very quickly. that\u2019s not what you\u2019re talking about. regardless, no. there so seem to be some people for whom ssris stop working after years, but there are many more who do fine on one medication.  if you were doing better before, it could be a medication failure. but if lexapro is imperfect but no less perfect than it used to be, it\u2019s fine.  2. bipolar disorder is not an inevitable side effect. if it happens, it\u2019s usually rapid, not years in, and \u201cuncovering\u201d or inducing mania is a small minority. this sounds unlikely to me...  3. ...because you\u2019re not really describing bipolar disorder. maybe she\u2019s picking up something that you\u2019re not describing, but i don\u2019t get it.  4. wellbutrin can induce mania like any antidepressant. it has been considered less likely to do so, but based on very limited data that i find unconvincing. it\u2019s a good antidepressant and actually a fine anti-anxiety medication. it can be physically activating, but that\u2019s not the same as anxiety per se even with symptom overlap.  5. it sounds like you had a change of psychiatrist forced upon you. it can take some tries to find a good match. a second opinion is reasonable. so is a change of provider if you just can\u2019t see eye to eye and it\u2019s necessary, but i\u2019d recommend talking to her about your concerns out of courtesy if nothing else.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cgfbwu", "comment_id": "cgfbwu"}, {"question": "minor inconveniences ruin my mood and ability to concentrate", "description": "i've got four hours of work still and a lot of shit to do, but i can't concentrate on any of it because i had a call with my phone operator's customer service during lunch that annoyed me. how do y'all move on from feelings and thoughts. this is exhausting.   edit: managed to calm myself down and get back to work after an hour of walking/trying to distract myself on my phone enough to stop the hyperfocus. thanks guys!", "answer": "omg yeah if you find out, let me know lol.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "c0bdbp", "comment_id": "c0bdbp"}, {"question": "seeing a psychologist but it's done nothing so far. how do i work with her to assist her with helping me?", "description": "not really sure how to explain this so i'll just write out the story of what has happened so far.  throughout my child and teenage years i always suspected that i had some sort of mental health issues.  in my 20s i made a move to a big city from a small country town and started having major issues with panic attacks and social anxiety (feeling scared at having other people in the room, not knowing what to say to people, etc).  i went to a gp and he said i definitely had anxiety (i received a booklet and realized i have general anxiety as well), however i didn't have the money to visit a psychologist then so i put it off.  a couple years later, i've been working with my fiance to improve my social anxiety and it's been going great.  i'm still extremely anxious but i am now making friends and can hold one on one conversations with people that i am close to (sometimes even without alcohol!).  i have even flown internationally by myself.  however, i had just been recently hired to a job and it wasn't suited to me at all.  i was receiving warning and threats of termination and it was stressing me out so much that i began to think about suicide (something i hadn't done in about 4 or 5 years (since moving out of my parents' house and moving in with my fiance)).  i decided that thinking about suicide, whether i was planning to actually do it or not, was enough cause for me to actually go see someone.  (i have since been let go from the job and am now unemployed.)  i was referred by a gp, and i've had i think three sessions so far.  i said i needed help with anxiety because it's the only thing that i am sure i have.  i was referred for anxiety, stress, and depression but the psychologist doesn't think that i have depression (though we haven't talked about it much), and since i have since then lost my job it isn't causing stress any longer.  she tried some meditation-ish things where she talks and explains how to relax and i follow her instructions.  when we finished i said that it didn't really make me feel more relaxed.  she gave me a cd to listen to at home and when i listed to it by myself and tried to relax it made me really angry.  i got so upset that i was slamming doors and clenching my jaw and trying not to break things.  i told this to her and she said i am the first person to react that way (which surprised me).  anyway, i guess that's not really relevant.  my point is kind of... it hasn't worked so far but i can't blame the psychologist.  i feel like i'm going to the gp and saying \"i think i'm sick.\"  they obviously would ask something like \"okay, what are your symptoms?\" and i'd say something like \"uhhh... i dunno... i'm sick though, i'm pretty sure.\" \"okay... does your arm hurt?\" \"...nah...\" \"do you have a stomach ache?\" \"i guess... sometimes... a bit...\"  i'd never expect a gp to do that.  also, we were talking about why i was being fired at work (making excessive errors, coming in late, lack of focus, etc) and she started asking me questions that i immediately recognized as symptoms of adhd.  i don't know if i answered her questions properly because i was afraid that i might be trying to be diagnosed with something that i don't even have (it sounds so silly when i type it out now but it's a legitimate concern).  i think i might have done the opposite though and answered less truthfully than i could have.  i was considering writing a big list of everything that i have issues with that i don't think other people have problems with or things that i think i have more problems with than others but then i'm afraid i'll be whining and writing stuff that everyone has problems with and just trying to get her to say i'm sick.  also i'm going there for anxiety and stress which isn't too much of an issue because i am no longer stressed at my job and i am making progress quickly enough with my social anxiety that i don't really need assistance (the general anxiety (freaking out about the possibility of having (physical (apparently i love parenthesis)) health issues or someone breaking into the house, stuff like that) i don't think she could really help with without giving me medication for it and i really don't want to be on medication (i think i am managing well enough on my own with the help of my fiance and medications have so many horrible side effects and cost money).  tl;dr: the last paragraph probably says the main part, the rest is just a long winded backstory.", "answer": "i agree with the other comment, and just want to add, therapy takes time. three sessions isn't very many, and you just have to keep working on it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2h0g3s", "comment_id": "2h0g3s"}, {"question": "is anyone else's", "description": "mental illness so severe they can't take care of their own child or children?", "answer": "i don't yet have a child, but its been at that point before, yeah,where i feared having kids. i'm at the point now where i feel i'm ready to try. a lot of hard work  and hell if i haven't had to learn things the hard way through most of it, but i'm here now. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7wojgp", "comment_id": "7wojgp"}, {"question": "is there any way to increase eq? sometimes i wish people could be straightforward, but since they won't, i have to learn.", "description": "so, a couple separate incidents this week made me realize that, for all the understanding that i've made about aspies and the disorder, i still can't read between the lines. both come from my mother, who as i said before doesn't recognize mental disorders at all. because most of my friends know i have aspies, they tend to treat my emotions with kid gloves (or my so kicks my shin, which helps), so i appreciate it that my mother goes ballistic, even though it hurts like hell when she calls me a retarded child (i'm 26).  i say i can't take a survey for my sister because i've never touched the product she's trying to survey on, i get chewed at being impolite to my sister. i go to help my aunt with her bag, my aunt says \"it's okay\", so i back off, and i get yelled at for not being a gentleman.  i feel that, since we don't exactly have a sign hanging around my neck that says \"autistic\", it's better to \"learn\" how other people think. people like us, it's \"if a then a\", but there's also b and c which may arise and which may cause problems because we don't see, and it gets interpreted as a lack of awareness or empathy. i know i'm failing miserably at my work and my family relationship because of this. it constantly feels like i'm being tested when i don't know i am, and when i forget about the scrutiny, that's when i fuck up.  so there must be a way to learn this right? there must be a way to learn empathy and see subtexts.", "answer": "i am an aspie who is currently in graduate school for clinical social work.  it is a profession that relies a lot on reading other people.  i have always wanted to be a counselor and when i was diagnosed with asperger's i was afraid i would never make the cut.   i asked my diagnosing psychologist what she thought of me trying to become a licensed counselor or social worker and she said that, not only would i make a great counselor, but a counseling or social work graduate program would likely be the best possible training in social skills that an aspie could receive (better than social skills groups/training).   i just finished a year long internship as a clinical social worker and i actually did a great job counseling folks.   my point is that you can absolutely learn better empathy and communication.  you can do it by actually reading about empathy and communication and listening skills, and then actively practicing what you learn.    i think the differences between aspies and nt's isn't that aspies can't learn social communication. it is that they have to make an effort to learn. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26f6a8", "comment_id": "26f6a8"}, {"question": "i'm done telling people \"i don't drink\"...", "description": "i've started saying \"i'm not much of a drinker these days.\"  ---  there seems to be a certain stigma that comes with being a non-drinker. when i say \"i don't drink\", it's like *oh, you're one of those people.*   saying \"i'm not much of a drinker these days\" gets the message across without the possibility of triggering that awkwardness.   idk, it works for me. maybe you can try it.   ---  iwndwyt", "answer": "some of this has been said but i\u2019ll just add that when i was newer in sobriety this kind of thing bothered me more. but now i have to say i feel super comfortable saying \u201cno thanks...i don\u2019t drink\u201d. i\u2019m not saying that the road isn\u2019t challenging sometimes but i really don\u2019t miss it around folks that would judge me for not drinking. i now see their assessment as so insanely-skewed that i\u2019d sooner seek vampires\u2019 or zombies\u2019 thoughts on vegetarianism. it really is a blessing to have found a path to sobriety and to understand how perversely alcohol affected my perceptions and expectations. again, not always an easy road but thank heavens iwndwyt!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "huh5g7", "comment_id": "huh5g7"}, {"question": "am i wrong for not wanting to talk to my grandma?", "description": "i love my grabdma so much but the thing is is i just moved. i lived with my grandma and step grandfather and at their house i had no privacy. they\u2019d just walk in and she was always talking to me and my she needs help a lot so when i was their i was helping nonstop because she\u2019s married to an asshole. i understand that she needed help but i moved now and again i love my grabdma but i honestly want space.. i wanna not talk to her for just a few days because she\u2019s so annoying i could never get a break all the 3 and a half years i was living there and now i want that break. am i wrong for wanting space? i mean cause she gets so but hurt if i don\u2019t call her a second after she calls and she called me legitimately every few hours until i stopped picking up. i called her yesterday and the day before only once but tbh those calls were hell. i just want to be left alone for like 5 days. i put this in here cause when i think about it it sounds messed up to not wanna talk to your grandma but i can\u2019t help it", "answer": "i can understand how this feels. you\u2019re town between wanting not wanting to hurt your grandma and needing time for yourself. it\u2019s totally ok to need time for yourself and get a much needed break (especially after living with them and not having much space). boundaries are absolutely ok to set, but you need to let people know there\u2019s a boundary.  you don\u2019t have to be harsh about it (that doesn\u2019t sound like what you want to do because you don\u2019t want to hurt her feelings). maybe you can say that you\u2019ve got a lot going on and will be really busy for a few days and dealing with some things and need some time for yourself so won\u2019t be able to talk. you can reassure her that you love her and that you\u2019ll be back in touch when things calm down and you\u2019ve had time to recoup from your busy (work, school, project whatever you come up with...make it semi legitimate like don\u2019t say you\u2019re feeding the homeless in puerto rico for 5 days lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "erl1pj", "comment_id": "erl1pj"}, {"question": "how can people say that their so cured their mental illness?", "description": "just saw a post that said something like \"after years of ptsd and depression, i'm finally happy. my so does this and this...\"  i'm not bitter, i just want to know how that happened. i'm not expecting my so to change my mental health, so i'm not sure what the so has to do with it.  someone explain, i am confusion", "answer": "i don\u2019t think anyone is ever \u2018cured\u2019 from their mental illness. if people are putting their stock into something outside of themselves that can be lost or leave, then it will eventually catch back up to them. i think it takes daily self care and managing as things come up. i myself have gotten to a place, after doing a substantial about of work, where i do find happiness and joy in most days, even though i\u2019ve always battled anxiety and depression. i still get my bad flare ups, but i\u2019m better at recognizing the preemptive signs and then taking really good care of myself during those times. i practice more coping skills during those times, as well as reach out to loved ones letting them know i\u2019m in more of a down place and i may be more flaky as a result, and also asking certain people to check in on me when they can. truly it\u2019s up to us to take control of our emotional and mental well-being. no one else can do it for us. they can help us feel safe enough to make changes perhaps, but they can\u2019t cure us.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ak1v0w"}, {"question": "when is it time to call it quits?", "description": "i'm been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, and for most of it, it's been good. but i'm only 18, i feel like if i stay with her i'm going to waste my youth. we see each other everyday, i've never been happy about it because i love being alone to be able to do what i want in my freetime. i've tried bringing it up in the past to her many times that i'd like it if we saw less of each other during the week. it might be the way i say but she usually gets upset and cries. i then back out of it and make an excuse of joking or something along the lines.   i've felt like i've missed out on a lot during this relationship, i don't have much friends anymore. i'm only allowed to go out with her, she will also the final say on whether we go out or not. ( i know this sounds bad but this is one of her scarce bad qualities)  i don't feel like i want to break up, i just wished we spent less time and i had more freedom. i don't want to break up with her to go for other girls, i just want to be with my friends more. but if i told her any of this she'd get mad and cry.  i love her so much and my life would definitely worse off overall with her, but love only goes so far. ", "answer": "well, it's tough to settle down so early. for those reasons.  i don't think it's about love only going so far. it's about what we need in love at different stages of our lives. it's not wrong to want what you want. if she can't deal with it, it's because she's young and afraid of losing you. if you gradually take a little more time doing the things you need to do, she will see over time that your other needs are not a threat.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o4ncm", "comment_id": "6o4ncm"}, {"question": "[update] i'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "i've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and i finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago.  i thought i'd be there longer but it was almost a week so i guess that's long enough.  it wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either.  i feel like i got a lot of help and i'm surprised that i feel better coming out of it than going in.  things i disliked:  the strip search.  i tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\".  had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches.  it was uncomfortable for everyone i can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time.    the closed and sterile setting creeped me out.  everything was so clean and so safe, its not what im used to.  i know it's a hospital but it's still weird.  bed times, as an adult i actually had a bed time.  most of the time i didn't sleep and i didn't sleep much at all during the six days i was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol.  i tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly i cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than ive read in years.  when you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.  no cursing.  i was told this in the common area that i curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor.  when i first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room.  and we were all adults.  the showers were communal.  had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.  i had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (i voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if i got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges.  i felt like i was in prison when they told me that.  they made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good.  they thought i might be developing an eating disorder.  having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat.  ate a lot of seafood.   things i liked:  i liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time.  i thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me.  i basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that i'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.  the orderly were actually very nice.  i asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do i do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you.  surprisingly i had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because i wouldn't get off of it.  that was also an annoying aspect, i'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes.  was very annoying not having my own phone.  the visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour.  helped me through the isolation.  i assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail.    i drew a lot.  a lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, i thought it'd just be fruity nonsense i wouldn't be able to use.  but i drew a lot to express myself.  i guess kind of childish but i liked doing it.  the patients were nice, i was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.  i feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me.  only time will tell, but i think this was the right choice to make.  they told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if i need to, im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.  overall, i'm glad i did it, but it still felt like i was in a cushier jail.  but i think it saved my life, for now anyway.  they set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them.  so hey, i'm not dead, not yet anyway!  all i could ask for.", "answer": "awesome! glad you shared your experience. i hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "ep90f2"}, {"question": "can grief subconsciously exhaust you?", "description": "i lost my childhood dog today. i had her since i was 10, and now i'm 23, i've gone off to college halfway across the country. she passed away today after a long battle with some eating problems.  i heard about her passing at work, and i hardly even mourned. i think i knew this was coming, so i got my grieving out of the way sometime before.  i feel exhausted today, even though i didn't cry or even feel anything emotionally heavy at a surface level. can grief cause physical exhaustion, even if i didn't do any physical grieving? or am i just catching some illness?", "answer": "can grief cause physical (and mental) exhaustion? yes.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9bmkb", "comment_id": "c9bmkb"}, {"question": "physicians don't take me seriously", "description": "25f usa  today i dealt with, for the nth time now, a doctor not taking me seriously due to my psychiatric diagnosis (bp 1).   they take one look at my chart and automatically assume that whatever my problem is must be due to my mental illness or a side effect of one of my psych meds.   today i went to the doctor for what was obviously a uti. i've never been to med school or anything, but come on. i just needed some goddamn antibiotics. the doctor's diagnosis? must be urinary symptoms from your lithium. go ask your psychiatrist. now i have to take additional time off work to go to a different doctor and hope that they take my symptoms seriously.   one other time i had these awful episodes of vertigo and was damn near falling over all the time. i had to go to four different doctors before i finally got a diagnosis of bppv, because the first three thought it was anxiety, a side effect of my lamictal, and anxiety, respectively.   it's like as soon as you're diagnosed with a mental illness, doctors just lump all your medical issues into psychiatric issues and tell you to ask your psychiatrist because they can't be bothered to do a proper workup on a crazy person.   how do i deal with this?? do i just need to be more assertive? call them out on it? i feel like this lowered standard of care is going to take years off my life (if the antipsychotics aren't already...).", "answer": "this is a real problem with stigma of psychiatry in medicine, and i don't have an answer for it. because i work in a hospital system, sometimes i have to be the one to call other physicians and tell them that this isn't a typical medication side effect and that they have to do a minimal workup before ignoring all complaints\u2014but i have that privilege by being a doctor. as a patient, it's very hard.  other patients might have other tips, but i think calmly calling them out might work. \"i've been on lithium for a long time and i haven't had urinary problems. pain isn't a common issue. could you please check for infection?\" and if that fails, ask your psychiatrist to run interference for you with other doctor as much as possible.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dopgzo", "comment_id": "dopgzo"}, {"question": "my much better looking ex-fiance (37m) constantly insulted my (24f) appearance. what is the best way for me to feel beautiful, when he said i'm neither beautiful nor a natural beauty?", "description": "we dated for under a year and were engaged for 2 months before i broke things off on account of his emotional infidelity on two separate dating sites while i was recovering from my chin and jaw being disfigured by facial plastic surgery. i ended up getting the plastic surgery options reversed, so i now look normal, but not as good as i did prior to the surgery.   the reason i got it was because he insulted my appearance and said i didn't have \"mediterranean cheekbones.\" i thought he stood by me through everything as we used to talk for hours on skype everyday for months while we were long distance, but i caught him on pof the day after 1 17 hour operation that saved my life, and he told me he deleted it then. ihe then told me last july that he was on another dating site the entire time and that he wasn't even who he said he was--28, indian-australian with a v name, etc.--but he was actually 36, with a totally different name, and that he was a spy, etc. i forgave him but when i realized that there was no way he was a spy, i started revenge emotionally cheating on him by having anonymous conversations with boys on message forums and hiring invisible boyfriend to get romantic messages to my cell phone.   to be clear, my ex did really wonderful things as my boyfriend and even as my fiance after his admission of guilt, though. he basically always picked me up and dropped me off at my dorm, was very chivalrous, cooked for me constantly, did my laundry, took care of me when i was sick, bought me anything and everything i needed, and was always, always there for me. no matter the situation, he always had my back. i could rant at him for hours about how he cheated on me and he would listen patiently and try to get me to calm down, and he really helped me take steps to control the anger i felt about his infidelities (even though he kept denying them). i couldn't get over his infidelities earlier, though. and the fact that whenever we went out anywhere he constantly looked at other girls and then denied doing so. he protected my virginity so i'm thankfully still a super virgin (he never even took off my bra). and the fact that he constantly said i wasn't beautiful, wasn't a natural beauty, and am never going to get another guy. he invested hours and hours in helping me deal with how awfully i felt when out with him, by teaching me dbt, but he ended up making it worse because it was this vicious cycle. we ended up not being able to go out anywhere or do anything because he constantly looked at other girls until i yelled at him to the point he stopped doing it and looked downwards. everytime we were around a \"prettier\" girl, he'd let go of my hand and look at her repeatedly. he humiliated me even on our engagement dinner, where he let go of my hand and did a dismissive hand swipe at me when we were at a restaurant and a prettier girl walked by. it's just difficult because he's already found another girl, and she's as expected--prettier facially, more petite, and just as much of a slut as he is.   i loved him very much, and i sacrificed my entire future for him (medical school, moved to a different country, got kicked out of my dorm for spending too much time with him and not participating in activities, etc.). he seemed distant and didn't live up to promises to write me while we were long distance, so i ended the engagement in a fury, and said a lot of mean things. i'm starting to feel really guilty for how i handled everything because he wanted to marry me and i'm scared he might be the only one who will ever tolerate my average looks enough to propose to me.  how can i go from this experience and convince myself i am beautiful, despite how he treated me? i won a minor beauty pageant around the time we started dating and am attractive enough in my own eyes, but he constantly pointed out my flaws (big hands, large chin, not a natural beauty). will i ever find a boy who is attracted to me and wants to marry me again? if i die alone and die a virgin, does that necessarily mean that i'm just not worthy of someone who treats me properly? he's told the new girl she's beautiful, but the only time he said it to me was the day he proposed. he constantly said i was objectively unattractive (a \"7\") but was only subjectively attractive. things got really bad and i had to start fantasizing about another guy emotionally because the thought of someone else who was nicer to me was infinitely more appealing to me than my ex.   please help me, reddit.", "answer": "don't listen to him. he's an abuser. be yourself.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5w29l0", "comment_id": "5w29l0"}, {"question": "lamotrigine dosage", "description": "i have been on lamotrigine for the past few months. i was prescribed it to help with a general anxiety disorder. i have increased the dosage to 100 mgs per day. it works great.  recently, i completely forgot my morning dosage. i took it that evening. i was then unsure if i should start taking it in the evenings instead. because i didn\u2019t want to take too much within 24 hours, i switched to this new evening schedule. the result? my anxiety is becoming an issue again.  two questions:  1. would switching to the evenings really effect my anxiety that much? i\u2019m curious if it\u2019s just my imagination. i\u2019ve felt significantly worse suddenly.  2. would it be safe to simply skip the dosage tonight, and get back on my normal routine in the morning? if i do so, i will have not taken any lamotrigine for maybe 36 hours.  summary: 37, male, 5\u20198\u201d, 177 pounds, white. this has been an issue over the last week. it\u2019s not located anywhere on my body. i have general anxiety disorder. i take 100 mgs of lamotrigine and 20 mgs of propranolol per day. i do not do any drugs, nor do i smoke.", "answer": "the time of day you take lamotrigine would have no effect for any reason i can think of, but that doesn't mean there's no peculiar interaction with circadian rhythm or hormones. i would actually encourage you to take it tonight, then move the next dose up to the late afternoon so that you go less than a day rather than more than a day. up to 200 mg (or more than 200 mg) of lamotrigine is safe, and skipping doses is in my mind, for no great reason, more hazardous.  in reality it likely doesn't matter much how you go about it if you adjust your schedule back to mornings.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9jjb0t", "comment_id": "9jjb0t"}, {"question": "i just don\u2019t care. is this normal?", "description": "so i\u2019ve been depressed for about 8 years now, but it\u2019s been somewhat under control so that i can go about my daily life with no problem.  so as most of y\u2019all know today is father\u2019s day, and i just don\u2019t understand the sentimentality of celebrating mothers/fathers day, or christmas or my birthday for that matter. like great you have a kid, great i\u2019m another year older, great some guy was born ~2000 years ago. it\u2019s gotten worse as i\u2019ve gotten older. i just \u201ccelebrated\u201d my 26th birthday and i did it alone. no one there just me watching game of thrones with pizza. everyone else was on a vacation to the beach that i didn\u2019t care enough to go on. like i feel like i should care about these things but i don\u2019t. i just don\u2019t care. maybe it\u2019s time to go back to my doctor and to start seeing a therapist again, but i don\u2019t want to rely on doctors and medications for me to care about stuff again. ", "answer": "i suggest finding a cbt therapist who will support you in becoming your own therapist.", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8ruhsc", "comment_id": "8ruhsc"}, {"question": "i need help.", "description": "so basically, i'm in a long distance relationship. and my girlfriend told me she'd kissed another girl,  which she's not attracted to. is this really cheating? also she told me she's talking to a guy which \"seems to know whenever she's upset\". she's also in a period of a lot of studying, around 8 hours a day, and she lied about going to a party, one day, because she thought i'd get mad. (since i could have taken like she wants to do that more than being with me).   i don't know if i should break up or not. i love her terribly much so i'm afraid to. any advice?  edit: i'm just afraid of what it would do to me if i broke up", "answer": "she doesn't seem committed to you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lv0z0", "comment_id": "5lv0z0"}, {"question": "ibs and emet", "description": "so i was wondering, do any of you guys also struggle with ibs as well? i have ibs-c (constipation) and it makes my stomach hurt a lot and i confuse it with n* or it turns into n* which makes all of this 10 times worse.", "answer": "ohhhh yeah... ibs, acid reflux, frequent nausea, bad pms...", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "5pfwlj", "comment_id": "5pfwlj"}, {"question": "question about purging and consequences?", "description": "i usually eat food and then purge it, like perhaps a couple times per month. i feel fine afterward maybe a bit tired but last night my stomach hurt like hell and continued to feel horribly nauseous. this dizziness and stomach pain intensified when i rose to go the bathroom.then my knees felt weak and i could barely make it back to my room. my vision was becoming spotty and i felt like my head was \"swimming\"; can't quite describe it, like my thoughts weren't so clear. i started sweating, then feeling cold and then sweating again. part of me was debating whether to knock on my suitemate's door and ask her to call for medical help. i managed to make it to my door, where i lay down on the bed and fell asleep. woke up this morning feeling somewhat better...  i am a university age student, female, around 110 lbs and 5'4. so it's not like i was underweight.  can anyone help me figure out what happened? was this some kind of warning telling me not to do it again? last night i found myself lying on the floor,  saying i wouldn't do it again, and yet today i am again, wondering if i should.", "answer": "why are you purging in the first place?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5158e8", "comment_id": "5158e8"}, {"question": "questions about \"status epilepticus\" after intentional cocaine overdose in 35 yr. old diabetic male:", "description": "35 yr old white male, cigarette smoker, type 1 diabetic since 19 yrs. old. history of several episodes of ketoacidosis. 5 ft. 5in. tall, 140 lbs. theraputic doses of xanax and norco. history of drug abuse. prefers opiates and cocaine. he knows his limits. his nurse said \"huge amount of cocaine in his system\", and that it was so much that \"we think he overdosed on purpose.\"  on thursday, july 5th, he was found down in bushes having a seizure, bystander called 911. no one knows how long he was down before paramedics arrived. er doctors could only stop the seizures with anticonvulsants. he was intubated and has been on a ventilator since then, and moved to the neuro. icu. he has been held in a medical coma to prevent seizures. anticonvulsants are lowering his blood pressure too far, so they have been removed a couple of times; however, seizures return when they are removed, so he has been returned to them. his blood sugar level has been held steady at or near 150.  a 24 hr. eeg shows normal brain activity. his team of doctors plan to remove anticonvulsants and the ventilator on monday, july 9th \"to see what happens\". no mri can be done until he is removed from the eeg.   now my questions: what is the usual outcome from cocaine toxicity? how is the ventilator affecting his lungs and brain? if he comes out of this, is it likely he will have brain damage? if he doesn't come out of this, what is a reasonable amount of time to keep him on the machines? will his organs be viable for donation if he is on the ventilator until friday, june 14th? (as a family we are on the fence about giving him until then to come out of this,) we understand he was trying to commit suicide, and we want him to come out of this, but we want him to be the same person he was, with the same quality of life he had. if that isn't likely then we want to let him go, but we aren't getting answers to the questions we have.  thank you for your time.", "answer": "cocaine can lower seizure threshold (increase the chance of seizure), but that's not one of its main or classic toxicities. death from cocaine overdose is usually from heart attack, arrhythmia, or hyperthermia, seizure-related, so this is a strange clinical picture if cocaine was the only drug involved. if he were taking more benzos than prescribed and then stopped suddenly he could have seizures, but those would usually resolve with giving benzos, which i assume were given as standard status epilepticus treatment.  the use of a ventilator is to provide sufficient oxygen. if used wrong it can damage lungs, but usually it doesn't cause any lasting damage. whether he has brain damage depends on how long he wasn't breathing and what was going on with the seizures; there's no way to know. but if his eeg looks normal that's a good sign.  there's no right answer for how long to give him on the ventilator. that depends on the clinical situation and your own feelings and decision making. it's a very hard, sad situation. in general, you can be on a vent for a very long time and organs will be just fine, so there's no rush if you're considering donation. but i think that's premature; you still need to know what happens when weaned off the meds and vent.  this is a very tragic situation for you, and i'm sorry you're dealing with it. your questions are many that can best be answered by the medical team involved, but in fact many probably don't have answers yet. everyone is hoping that he'll wake up and be fine, but there's no way to know that until it's tried. i hope it goes well.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8wvkoy", "comment_id": "8wvkoy"}, {"question": "seeking advice on an (nearly) everyday issue", "description": "have fairly bad add, and end up with similar situations as this example fairly regularly....thoughts on ways to help?  over the weekend, i finally made it back out to an autocross after months of hiatus. i was leaving for lunch, and while walking back over to my car i saw my helmet on top of it. i know that i thought i needed to and asked my gf to grab it, but at that same moment i was distracted by the windshield wipers on my car and wondering how the hell that happened. i got so distracted by this that i apparently didn't ask her to do anything with the helmet. in my mind, i had already processed asking her though. so, continued on.   drove off and a few hundred feet and one turn on to a main street later, my helmet, which meant a good deal to me, is trashed.   while this tune is familiar, it has finally hit home for me. so, i'm seeking advice. any others with similar issues? good workarounds?", "answer": "i can definitely say that i have been in a situation or two like that. out of curiosity, do you recall how the helmet ended up on top of the car?  hope i am understanding the mental picture correctly :)", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "60gk6e", "comment_id": "60gk6e"}, {"question": "has any medication helped your emetophobia?", "description": "i have a meeting with my psychiatrist next week to decide if i should start new medication or not. i really don\u2019t think my current medication is helping me with my intrusive thoughts. does medication work for any of you? i need some hope right now because my emetophobia is debilitating.", "answer": "medication can be a huge pet of treatment especially when added to therapy. i\u2019d encourage you to look into exposure therapy for emetophobia it could really make a big difference.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "jl7q5u", "comment_id": "jl7q5u"}, {"question": "i am convinced i [23m] have been unforgivably abusive towards my girlfriend [23f] and don't know if i should break up with her. i have posted our text conversation in this post.", "description": "WEBLINK split into four parts, here is the text conversation i just had with my girlfriend.  one key component in our modern understanding of consent is that \"yes\" isn't always sufficient. consent has to be wanted. it has to be enthusiastic.  last year, when i first started dating my current girlfriend, i would ask her if i could touch her in some ways or if she could touch me in some ways. she would always say \"okay\" or \"alright\". i would sometimes ask if she was sure and she would say \"go for it.\" she claims she was consenting every time.  i knew she was sensitive about her breasts being touched, but the fact i didn't want to stop touching them made me feel like perhaps i was being abusive. i justified it as \"she's doing it for me\" which somehow made it okay. i was being selfish and, from a certain perspective, being abusive.  once, i asked her if i could finger her. she said \"maybe later.\" so i asked, knowing she'd be more likely to say yes, if we could both get nude. she said yes. i then asked again if she was really sure to which she said yes. i thought i had perfect consent. i once asked her if i could feel her heartbeat through her breasts, actually me just wanting to touch her breasts, to which she said yes, which was deceptive.  possibly even r*pe.  in yet another situation, i kept dating her, even though i wasn't feeling that attached and knew she probably liked me a lot more. i went as far as having mental backup choices for when this relationship failed. i even kept getting sexual with her, which could even be ass*ult by deception.  in fact, in all of these situations, i thought i had perfect consent. i would not have done anything i didn't think wss  i confronted her about this and asked her why she always says \"alright,\" to which she replied that she's \"debating if she really wants it.\"  i was mortified. if she has to debate it, that's not enthusiasic. any sense of doubt is not enthusiasic consent. i've been getting \"consent\" for everything i've done, but i'm wondering, have i really?  throughout this quarantine she's been helping me and consoling me, but that's being even more toxic.  i can't take it anymore. every time i talk to her, i have a panic attack over me technically r*ping her or at least indirectly attempting to do so. i've been avoiding her texts sometimes. i have panic attacks daily  but we're quarantined and i don't want to stress her out more than she already is  tl;dr: my girlfriend seems to consent to things she's unsure of, which means i've been abusive this whole time? and i've been possibly ass*ult? i have to breakup with her, but i don't know how.", "answer": "i'm confused , she said multiple times in those texts that there is no problem and she doesn't perceive it as anything wrong.   what about spending more time discussing sex  before you try something new ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g4du2c", "comment_id": "g4du2c"}, {"question": "i [26/f] have been seeing a [43/m]. he told me he usually dates younger women. is this a red flag?", "description": "the experience of dating someone 17 years older is new to me, especially since we are seeing each other regular and talking. he told me he has dated younger women in the past, the woman before me was a year younger than i am. i saw on a reddit post some time ago that a man that does this could be a red flag. can someone explain why this may be a red flag? he doesn't have kids and has never been married.", "answer": "the red flag would be: will he lose interest when you're older", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vdqko", "comment_id": "5vdqko"}, {"question": "should i continue with my law minor if i don't plan on making a career out of it?", "description": "i'm starting my second year at a liberal arts university. my major is business studies and until now i was planning on minoring in law and psychology.   i'm sure that after graduating i will not be working in any capacity at a law firm or a place where my law knowledge will be required.  the reason i chose law is that i felt it's always good to have a knowledge of the legal system. besides, our law faculty is top notch.  if i ditch the law minor, i will still attend the classes and absorb information. the upside is i will not have to spend time writing a dissertation and sitting for the various exams etc.  i don't want to drop business or psychology.   thanks for reading so far, please help me out.", "answer": "what would you like to do after university?  a lot of university is about gaining transferable skills that can be used in many vocations. you might find that law provides some of those skills depending on what you would like to do long-term.  if you are anything like me as a student, you might be at risk of not attending law classes despite your best intentions because there is no consequence. also formal testing tends to focus the brain better and you'd probably learn more because of it.  again, all this depends on your future aspirations.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "4vb8gf", "comment_id": "4vb8gf"}, {"question": "i'm [24/m] and need your opinion on something i want to try", "description": "let's say there's that one girl in my class  if i message her on facebook with this message : hi i'm sorry to bother you. you were in my class and i found you pretty cute but i was too shy to initiate something. feel free to reply if you want to meet for a drink  is something like this good or i will sound like a freak?", "answer": "this is good....but i'd substitute day time coffee instead of a night time drink", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "670x0e", "comment_id": "670x0e"}, {"question": "my mom is undergoing acute psychosis bipolar. any info would be appreciated!", "description": "my mother\u2019s (55f) medical problems really started 3 years ago when she fell and broke her hip. since then, due to complications, she has gotten 2 more surgeries related to her hip, with her most recent one taking place at the end of april. while the surgery went good, when my mother came home from the hospital this is where the problems started. a couple of days after she came home from the hospital she went back to her surgeon for a checkup - all went well and she was acting completely normal. then the next morning she fell while trying to go to the bathroom and her incision from the surgery ended up splitting open. my dad said there was a lot of blood but once he got that all cleaned up and got my mom back into bed my mother was acting normal at that point and didn\u2019t want to go to the hospital. the next morning i guess my parents realized that they needed to go to the hospital to get my mother checked out. as i was not there at the time it\u2019s a little iffy on why they decided to wait that long but i don\u2019t know. as it is known because of covid-19 no visitors are permitted into the hospital, so at that point my father just had to drop her off and we have been communicating with hospital staff over the phone ever since then.    at some point during that first day, and everyday since then, while she\u2019s been in the hospital my mother has been acting really weird and not normal for herself. the nurses told us that she has been arguing/yelling at people that aren\u2019t there in the room, she currently thinks she\u2019s in argentina for some reason, she thinks me - her 25 year old daughter is now 8 months old and i\u2019m dying of something. she\u2019s talked about random things/arguments that have happened in the past and even has said stuff about \u201cblack magic\u201d. she has bitten thru her iv twice now that i know of. they have even had to resort to tying her down to her bed because of how combative she has been. just as a side note: my mother has always been an eccentric person but nothing like what is happening right now is normal for her. we told this to the doctors and from there they started doing tests on her (ct scan, mri, etc).   at first they said she was experiencing \u201chospital delirium\u201d but after all the tests the doctor told us she\u2019s undergoing acute psychosis bipolar. they started giving her antipsychotic medications that will help for some of the day but then she will go on what i refer to as a \u201cdownhill slope\u201d where she\u2019ll slowly go back into the \u201cdelirium\u201d aspect of the hallucinations and paranoia. she also developed 2 infections in her hip since being in the hospital. i\u2019m not sure if this could be a contributing factor to her behavior.   this has been going on for almost 3 weeks now. i haven\u2019t been able to see or speak directly to my mother since she\u2019s been in the hospital. she has left voicemails on my parents house phone that are just so disturbing to hear from your mother. she sounds so scared and in distress one moment then it switches to making total sense the next. all i want to do is help her. i really think if she were able to see a familiar face then that might help but because of covid-19 that can\u2019t happen right now.   i\u2019ve read that something like this (acute psychosis episode) can last up to months but is there anything that could maybe lessen it? could the infections from her hip have contributed to this episode? is having multiple surgeries a contributing factor as well?   i\u2019m really just looking to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or any info about acute psychosis with bipolar. anything would be much appreciated!", "answer": "there's a lot of really questionable assessments and advice thrown around here.  for a woman at 55 with no previous psychiatric history, sudden psychosis of any kind is highly unlikely, and it's medical until proven otherwise. in this case, they landed on the most plausible diagnosis, delirium, early on. i have no idea why anyone would say \"acute psychosis bipolar\" and i suspect that was miscommunicated somewhere, because that's not even a reasonable medical phrase.  delirium due to serious infection is more common than is often recognized in hospitals. the hallmark of delirium is \"waxing and waning\" as the patient sometimes gets better and more like her normal self, and then sometimes out of it and sleepy or confused, angry, and agitated.  when patients are agitated, antipsychotics are used to manage agitation, but they don't do much to reduce delirium itself. that takes time and treatment of the underlying cause (infection, for example). more inflammation, such as from surgeries, can also contribute, as can pain, pain medications, and a number of other medications used in the hospital. antibiotics might be necessary, but a number of them can cause and worsen delirium themselves.  it's heartbreaking to see, and it can be something that medical and surgical teams seem weirdly blas\u00e9 about because it's seen so often in hospitals with acutely ill patients. when the medical problems are better, the delirium starts to get better. the longer it lasts, the longer it can take to get fully back to normal. thinks weeks and months, not days. but it does get better.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "gio36y", "comment_id": "gio36y"}, {"question": "whats the psychology/neuroscience behind edmr?", "description": "i believe edmr stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing  i know edmr is a treatment for trauma that has the therapist do techniques like have the client visually trace the therapist's fingers, etc   can someone give an explanation for how edmr treats trauma and the psychology/neuroscience behind the treatment?  it would be interesting to read about a link between eye movement and memories/memory processing.", "answer": "just a note that this is very controversial in the field currently.   from apa division 12 (clinical psych):   \"the theoretical basis for emdr is that ptsd symptoms result from insufficient processing/integration of sensory, cognitive, and affective elements of the traumatic memory. the bilateral eye movements are proposed to facilitate information processing and integration, allowing clients to fully process traumatic memories. the efficacy of emdr for ptsd is an extremely controversial subject among researchers, as the available evidence can be interpreted in several ways. on one hand, studies have shown that emdr produces greater reduction in ptsd symptoms compared to control groups receiving no treatment. on the other hand, the existing methodologically sound research comparing emdr to exposure therapy without eye movements has found no difference in outcomes. thus, it appears that while emdr is effective, the mechanism of change may be exposure \u2013 and the eye movements may be an unnecessary addition. if emdr is indeed simply exposure therapy with a superfluous addition, it brings to question whether the dissemination of emdr is beneficial for patients and the field. however, proponents of emdr insist that it is empirically supported and more efficient than traditional treatments for ptsd. in any case, more concrete, scientific evidence supporting the proposed mechanisms is necessary before the controversy surrounding emdr will lift.\" WEBLINK  folks who support emdr as a mechanism (versus as simple exposure therapy that's been re-branded to seem extra fancy) typically either propose that the bilateral movements tax working memory and thus lead to an extra \"distancing\" from the event, that it somehow affects sleep and lets you process while you sleep, or that it grounds folks and helps with mindfulness.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp81zw", "comment_id": "fp81zw"}, {"question": "anti-depressant prescriptions without ongoing appointments?", "description": "i think i'm mildly depressive. it runs in the family. i'd like to be prescribed a set of mild anti-depressives and go for a follow-up after an appropriate length of time, at which point the script could be made (semi-)permanent if it was working for me.  however, it looks like in order to get anti-depressants i need to go to a psychiatrist, have multiple evaluations, hours worth of appointments, weekly sessions, etc. the first guy i saw started asking me about my relationship with my mother. the next place i called wanted 3 appointments before any script. is this really what it takes to get mental health drugs? is it possible to just go a doctor (psychiatrist or otherwise) once and get a script for a trial?  age: 34   sex: male   location: usa   height: 8'9\"", "answer": "the preferred treatment for mild depression isn't anti\\-depressants, it's therapy. therapy takes more time and effort from you, and it can be more expensive. the evidence that medications help in mild depression is scant at best, though; the evidence for psychotherapy is robust.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8pnjbq", "comment_id": "8pnjbq"}, {"question": "i do not think i have aspergers", "description": "so what i'm told is that while i was being born my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. from what my parents told me when i was younger i would just point to stuff i wanted and squeal and i did not start talking until later in life. i know that i had a learning disability from the very beginning of school and i was diagnosed with one in kindergarten. i have been really shy my entire life but i did not start to have panic attacks until i hit puberty. my parents told me that it was suspected that i had aspergers. i was officially diagnosed last year but i do not feel like the diagnoses process was accurate because the guys that diagnosed me did not ask me any questions all he did was ask me like 3 and then just talked to my parents, my parents also agree with me on this. i'm 16 now and i really want to know what i have i don't think it is aspergers. ", "answer": "diagnoses don't mean anything. they're just classifications used by therapists so they know how to best treat the symptoms. the other commenter is absolutely right, the diagnosis doesn't matter, just the symptoms.  aspergers doesn't exist anymore, because the dsm-5 changed the autism spectrum. it's possible that you would have symptoms that fall under a mild form of autism.  but again, it doesn't matter. don't let labels define you. you aren't autistic and you aren't aspergers. you're a human being with mental health symptoms. if you want those symptoms treated, see a mental health professional. if not, just continue living your life.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4ijlxf", "comment_id": "4ijlxf"}, {"question": "am i schizophrenic, is it weed or is it trauma? please help!", "description": "i'm sorry if this is really long, i don't want it to be convoluted but i just need some advice on where i am right now.    i'm twenty years old; i experienced some trauma growing up, i won't go in to too much detail but there was domestic violence in the home, one particularly intense event that meant we had to pick & leave the house overnight, and subsequent family & financial issues that had a big effect.  i hear voices inside my head sometimes - they speak gibberish and say things that do and don't have anything to do with whats going on. sometimes they're voices i recognise from life but there aren't any characters or anything. they don't tell me to hurt myself or others. it's strange, like my brain is tuning in to different people's conversations, almost. (in my mind, it's not auditory)  occasionally, i think i see things that aren't there - but it's never full blown hallucinations. it's like i think i see something, but when i double take i realise what is really there. i also have hypnogogic experiences (not very often though) in the night and when i'm waking up. there are a lot of intrusive thoughts and images too.  i'm full of so much doubt that i really can't tell what these symptoms and problems really are. i don't know if i'm just getting anxiety over things that aren't really a big deal.   it was a big deal for me to realise how \"not right\" my life might've been, and a few trips to doctor's just invalidated things i was feeling. they didn't take me seriously. although i also really struggle to be honest and confident in talking to people, so maybe i didn't really explain to them properly.   i only really started to process and notice these things a year or two ago but i've been experiencing it since my early teens, although they have slowly gotten more noticeable.  (i also struggle with a lot of other aspects of depression, anxiety etc. just for context.)   is this schizophrenia? i'd be so grateful if anyone could shed some light on what i am experiencing. i really haven't found a lot about this kind of thing from the internet research i've done. i smoke weed medically and recreationally, and i know experiences were happening before i started. is this just an impact of the cannabis? i know sharing this will change answers, but i genuinely use it in a medical way to deal with my other mental health issues and it's the most effective thing. especially when doctor's didn't offer me much help.    i'd be so so grateful for any advice or comment though, i've felt pretty lost in this since i struggle to talk to anyone about it. i just want to know if i'm going to end up in a psychotic episode, and risk hurting myself or others.    tl;dr - 20 year old trauma survivor hears voices, sees things sometimes, smokes weed. should she worry?", "answer": "hard to say without knowing you better, but my money is against schizophrenia and more towards your trauma history. might be worthwhile seeing a psychologist? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76j5qd", "comment_id": "76j5qd"}, {"question": "how to i tell my therapist i don't want to continue seeing her?", "description": "i've been seeing her for about 2.5 years now, somewhat on and off for various reasons (financial and/or going into higher levels of care). i really like her, but for the past year i've only been going once every 3-5 weeks because i lost my job and insurance and that's all i can afford. she mentioned a sliding scale a while ago but i really don't like the thought of that. at the moment i'm functioning pretty well, and i'm having to tighten my belt and the $130 every few weeks would really help to put towards other things. i also have access to brief, free counseling through my school if i find i need the support.   so how do i go about that conversation? i see her on wednesday, so i was thinking of sending an email on tuesday saying i still want to see her the next day, but not continue after that. i'm just afraid i will get too scared to bring it up in the session - i've intended to say something the last two times. ", "answer": "i think exactly what you wrote here is a great way to say it.   email the day before is also a really good idea too", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ba66ay", "comment_id": "ba66ay"}, {"question": "my rock bottom", "description": "i thought i could do moderation, but i can't.  last night, i woke up at 3am in my car with no idea how i got there.  i'm scared.  im starting complete abstinence.  please, any words of comfort would help.", "answer": "it will get better, but if you didn\u2019t go what you\u2019re going through you probably wouldn\u2019t have the motivation to stop. the pain is necessary, but it is also temporary.  edit: \u201cthe pain is necessary, but it\u2019s also temporary.\u201d  i think i may have to copyright that shit.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cs48ry", "comment_id": "cs48ry"}, {"question": "wow totally forgot i had concert tickets tonight", "description": "and i really wanted to go to this show :/   thanks adhd, you\u2019re always here to waste my time and money ", "answer": "i thought i had weeks to plan for a babysitter. turns out the concert is in three days so i've had to rush it which wasn't my plan.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "akktk4", "comment_id": "akktk4"}, {"question": "just broke through to a student in a way i never thought i would.", "description": "i'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there.  anyways, i've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid.  he's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically.  he's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to \"disappearing\", if that makes any sense.  anyways, he wore this shirt yesterday:  WEBLINK  i'm not a brony and i don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but i knew this was my way in.  some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and i thought of a way to quickly bond with this student.    i assigned group work and while i was walking around checking on the groups, i walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, \"bro-hoof\".  he gave me a fist bump and i swear his face lit up brighter than even i thought could be possible.  he smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student.  it's so crazy to see how a fist bump (bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory i've had to learn to be a teacher.    life is funny.    edit:  thanks for the kind messages and reddit gold!! ", "answer": "it's nice to see teachers taking an interest in individual students' performances. you are a great teacher. keep it up.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1gnxpy", "comment_id": "1gnxpy"}, {"question": "disulfiram.. a shortcut to sobriety?", "description": "mentioned earlier i've been drinking about a half 1/5th daily for the last few years.. tried stopping many many many times.. i'm now on day 6 and even went to an open bar last night for a friends party and drank water.. usually i would still be drinking from the party last night but today i'm sober..  i ordered antabuse online and after having it for a few months and having gone a few days sober (getting active alcohol out of my system) i finally decided to take one..  what this does is make you seriously ill if you have even few drops of alcohol. you actually have to stay away from cough medicines, mouthwash or anything containing even traces of alcohol or you will become very sick. (the precautions and side effects are well documented)  even after you stop taking disulfiram it will stay in your system for up to 2 weeks.. so, 1 disulfiram = 2 weeks sober..  the most difficult part was actually taking that pill knowing i would not be able to drink for 2 weeks..   now that i've taken it, i am actually seeing alcohol as the poison it basically is.. honestly it could have been a sugar pill and i would still feel the same way but i do not want to test it.. if you read the reactions people have drinking after taking disulfiram you will understand why..  anyway, i wanted to see if anybody else has gone this approach and how they feel about it. for me, i wish i had done it sooner.. the choice of not drinking is not even a question now.. the only variable now to my drinking will be if i can continue to take it every 2 weeks..  even if i don't continue, at least its given me some space to guarantee sobriety while my head clears from the years of abuse i've put it through.  please note this is absolutely not medical advice and it's best to talk to your doctor about it.. i simply want to share my experience and see if anybody else has more long term experience with it.", "answer": "low dose or standard dose naltrexone has better results and isn't so violent to take. look into the sinclair method or just naltrexone for alcohol cessation. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5hgryh", "comment_id": "5hgryh"}, {"question": "emotions", "description": "don't ge tme wrong. i love most emotions, i don't even mind the occasional anxiety and fear. however, it is when these things go on longer than you want them to that they get really, really annoying. how many of you would get a ctrl+alt+del function for yourselves if you could? ", "answer": "my ctrl+alt+del is taking a deep breath and telling myself that it's okay to feel my emotions completely... works like magic.  sorry if it sounds cheesy.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14tj1x", "comment_id": "14tj1x"}, {"question": "anyone ever have a cyst rupture?", "description": "i've been diagnosed with pcos for almost a year. recently, i had what we thought was a sinus infection and was prescribed amoxicillin. turns out it was a cold, but i finished my antibiotics. the antibiotics then caused me to have a yeast infection. this will be my last night on monistat. two-three days ago i started to bleed. i'm really concerned because this bleeding is nothing like i have ever seen before. it's not the normal color of my period and doesn't have the normal odor like a period blood does. it's bright bright red, almost a pink red like it's active bleeding. i thought it might be my period, i'm just concerned about the abnormal color and consistency of blood. i know that antibiotics can mess up your cycle, not that i have a normal one anyways. i've read that cyst ruptures can sometimes mask themselves as a period.... my questions are: has anyone experienced anything similar? should i be concerned? did my cyst rupture? and what should i do because i'm freaking out \ud83d\ude2c", "answer": "10+ times and even had an emergency appendectomy.... which was not needed because it wasn't even my appendix, it was a cyst that ruptured and the ct scan was a mess so they took me to an or immediately. really disruptive to my life. i'd do almost anything to make them go away but nothing i've tried so far has worked. had my first at 15 and i'm 28 now. if it was an actual cyst rupture... you'd know. i can't even speak the pain is so white hot.   honestly this sounds more like endometriosis to me. call your gyno for sure. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "60y6cg", "comment_id": "60y6cg"}, {"question": "has anybody been to one of these marijuana anonymous meetings?", "description": "if you have been what are they like? did they help?", "answer": "i personally was unable to quit using until i started attending meetings. i didn't quit right away, i needed a little time (a few weeks or so) to check it out and see if it would feel safe. the only requirement for membership is a desire to quit using marijuana, and some would say that that desire does not even have to be 100% either. i felt very welcomed, not sure what area you are in so your mileage may vary, but i've been to meetings in other states and also attended an ma world convention and always felt welcomed. since then i've also started attending other 12 step fellowships, but ma has always felt like where my \"tribe\" is at, and i would not have everything i have in my life today, starting with my sobriety but eventually including much more, without it.  i suggest you go, tell people you're new, listen for the similarities between your experience and that of others, and don't sweat the god stuff. if the first meeting doesn't feel good, try another. i have also tried refuge recovery and smart recovery, you might look to see if one of those is in your area. feel free to pm me with any questions you have.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4ugdwo", "comment_id": "4ugdwo"}, {"question": "talking about love life in therapy?", "description": "i was wondering if anyone on here has ever been to therapy and talked about your love life with your therapist. i can't get it out of my head how doing so is just going to be uncomfortable for both of us and it won't really help me at all, despite how i want someone to talk to about it. (just fyi it isn't some sort of urgent scenario such as an abusive relationship, just generally struggling) has anyone here done this and got anything productive out of it? or anyone having any sort of opinion or experience on this topic with a therapist i'd appreciate hearing from. thanks!", "answer": "i just think this is so important to do... but yes, can feel awkward as the client. it shouldn\u2019t be uncomfortable for a therapist though.   thing is, life is all about relationships\u2014romantic or otherwise\u2014and so therapy is, at its core, about relationships. romantic attachments (or lack thereof for whatever reason) are a huge part of that for most of us. unless a therapist has some kind of specialty that somehow doesn\u2019t allow for talking about sex, he or she should be perfectly comfortable discussing and examining their client\u2019s love life.   that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean it won\u2019t feel weird at first for you, but at least you should be able to put the therapist\u2019s comfort out of your mind.   and if you\u2019re still feeling unsure, why not just ask: \u201chey, is it okay if i bring my romantic/sex life into the conversation? i have some concerns that i feel it would be really helpful for me to talk about,\u201d and let him or her put you at ease right then and there. :)  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8595rr", "comment_id": "8595rr"}, {"question": "does anyone know of anywhere i can go for help with social skills in the uk?", "description": "i have really really bad social skills.  talking with new people, making friends, talking to work colleagues even talking with my boyfriend.  yes i have a boyfriend and i have no idea how that happened.  does anyone know of any help classes/therapists etc available for this problem in the uk?  i really want to have some friends.", "answer": "you can start with online resources, like the ones in the /r/socialskills sidebar :) or google for counselors or therapists in your area.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "107u9c", "comment_id": "107u9c"}, {"question": "should i try to get therapy?", "description": "i've been struggling with bits of loneliness, depression, and some anxiety. i took a test online that said i had extremely severe depression and anxiety, and severe stress. i mean, just look at my post history. idk what to do, should i try for a therapist?", "answer": "yes, absolutely. if you are feeling depressed it will absolutely help to see a professional.  if you're not sure where to start, you can:  \\- ask your doctor  \\- if you're in school, see if they offer counseling services or can refer you to someone, or  \\- hit up google and find therapists in your area - there's also a site called therapy den that has a helpful search tool you can use. if money is an issue, look for low-cost or \"sliding-scale\" options.  be aware you may be put on a waitlist if that therapist has a lot of clients already. it's also okay to switch therapists if you don't feel like you're getting along with one, but try to stick with it for a while - it takes a long time to notice a difference, and you have to be willing to be open-minded and possibly change up some things in your life if you can. good luck!", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "casx7s", "comment_id": "casx7s"}, {"question": "it\u2019s okay if you need to take a break", "description": "no matter what race you are, it\u2019s okay to sign off for a while and look after yourself. the world is stressful and the anxiety with it is uncontrollable, but your health is the most important in times like these. stay safe <3", "answer": "i did exactly this for the last two weeks. i texted my boss and told her i would not be coming in for another two weeks. i never gave her a reason but it was completely do to my mental health being in the trash. my first day back was this past monday and i'm feeling so much better. i value my health over my work", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "gv9rta", "comment_id": "gv9rta"}, {"question": "i'm a 19/f getting to know a guy i used to have a thing with, but there is another girl in the picture--but i think he still likes me? i need insight?", "description": "i met a guy and we had a liking for each other. i was very depressed at the time and i had things to work through. i was abused as a kid, and that just all came back and i had to deal with it, and i told the guy about it openly, and he told me about his abuse story. this was the first of its kind--the first time i had every told anyone about my issues and same for him. even though he had girlfriends in the past he said he was the most comfortable with me. we went our separate ways and i decided to better myself. towards the end of my university year, i still felt a bit sad about what happened between us as i felt he got the wrong idea on my character being i was so depressed and clingy. so, i decided to message him.    we never got to know each other in depth before. he asked me to hang out and stuff again and i said sure, but we haven't yet. he said it was tough to be close like we wanted because when he's with his lady friend she sees our long messages and gets annoyed and pissed. he kept saying i was the \"only person to this day\" he ever told his story to \"because i instantly connected with you and knew i could tell you\" and i said that its not fair to keep things from her just to be my friend, and when they end things we can be closer.   i didn't want drama at all, but it hurt we couldn't be close because of her and i didn't say this, but i might kiss him again or like him so that's why i also said we cannot be close with her around. i just told him that if he had to hide something from someone that it wasn't a good sign, ending it with the fact that he was obviously going to choose his lady friend over the 19-year-old girl he kissed once in a car and he simply said \"i feel so guilty and shitty.\" what do you think of it? why is he acting this way/is so guilty? is a lady friend a hookup buddy? because he had told me prior he isn't good to committing or trusting and only trusted me, and she isn't girlfriend material, more of a hookup party, drama girl. opposite of me. i know i'm doing the right thing i'd presume, it feels right to let it go for now.", "answer": "he still likes you. she's in the picture. keep living your life. ball's in his court. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aodmf", "comment_id": "6aodmf"}, {"question": "lost and confused.", "description": "so , just recently my gf and i of 14 years split . we had our normal ups and downs over the years.  over the last 4 months, she lost her job for stealing , i caught her texting multiple guys, multiple times , and finally just hit the wall where i couldn't take it anymore.  i cant be around her because i am completely crushed, and destroyed. though i have tried. most of my stuff is still at the house we shared. i cant bring myself to even go get anything.  i have slept a few hours in the past few days, i can barely eat , and can hardly keep anything down , relying mostly on soda for calorie intake at this point. smoking way more than i should and drinking every few nights just to be able to pass out and get some sleep.  seriously having a hard time picking myself up , not even sure if i want to . at this point all options are on the table .", "answer": "sounds rough. breakups suck, but it sounds like she\u2019s not someone you want to be with. better to end it like you did and then work through the pain of it. you will be much better off when you get on the other side of it. in the meantime crank \u201cno love\u201d by eminem and lil wayne and say fuck her.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c81bkr", "comment_id": "c81bkr"}, {"question": "is adhd caused by a chemical imbalance.", "description": "hello psychiatrist of the world, i\u2019m an 18 year old child suffering from adhd, depression and anxiety. to be quite honest my life is spiralling downwards to suicide. however i have reached out to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. i was tested and was told that i definitely have adhd. i was wondering the causes of adhd and there is a lot of conflict on what the causes are, so my question to you is that is adhd really caused due to a chemical imbalance in the brain?  ( please try to answer as simply as possible as i am not the most knowledgeable or understanding at the moment) and please answer?", "answer": "the biology of psychiatric disorders, including adhd, isn\u2019t well understood. \u201cchemical imbalance\u201d is definitely a gross oversimplification when it isn\u2019t outright wrong.  perhaps a useful question is what helps. even if adhd isn\u2019t caused by a problem with dopamine or norepinephrine signaling, medications that increase those reduce adhd symptoms.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cjc3dy", "comment_id": "cjc3dy"}, {"question": "no morning wood for months.", "description": "i am 15 male i weigh 69kg. i use nicotine and benzodiazepines for anxiety when im stressed. so i noticed that since spring i wasn't having morning wood. my erections were fine when i was in the mood, but i still wouldn't get morning wood. i went to my doctor told her about it and they took a blood test. apperantly i am low on carbs, fat and sugar. i started having a better diet, i put more carbs, fats and fruits in to my diet. its been a month and i still don't have morning wood. should i be worried?", "answer": "as long as you aren\u2019t having any problems with erections while awake, don\u2019t worry about morning wood. \u201cnocturnal penile tumescence,\u201d as it\u2019s technically known, occurs during sleep. if it lasts into waking you\u2019d notice it, but it\u2019s normal to sleep through it and not know it happened.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "j4uss8", "comment_id": "j4uss8"}, {"question": "i'm currently hiding in the bathroom at work bc i can't handle being a person today", "description": "i can only do this a couple more minutes before my coworkers start noticing how long i've been gone. and that will just add to the shame i already feel. been feeling pretty useless lately...  sorry, i know there's not much you can do for me or say, just wanted to post in a candid moment. ", "answer": "first of all throw that word cant out the window. you can, and will make through today as a person. if you say i can't it feels harder than it is.  second, i do that all the time. don't feel bad in the slightest. the bathroom is my special place because it's isolated and no one will bother me. regroup in there when you need to, say you arent feeling as well and go as often as you need without garnering more unwanted attention to yourself. before you know it it will be over and you can self care all night ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "au88d4", "comment_id": "au88d4"}, {"question": "regarding social anxiety, does anyone else feel like you make huge progress and soon afterwards much of it fades away again?", "description": "it's so frustrating, i just can't seem to hold onto my achievements. last week i was so happy, confident and content with myself... it was really magical and i was pretty much euphoric every day i woke up in bed. i felt that i finally realized that i'm a cool guy and that i'm worthy of being accepted and loved. now since yesterday, my thinking is very negative again. that deep connections with the people around me i felt just days ago feel fake, i don't like who i am, ect.  i'm just sick of it... why can't i really interalize the stuff regarding confidence and self-love? i'm struggling with it for so long now and i want to break free of these chains i put myself into.", "answer": "as social animals we need connection to others on a variety of levels. group therapy can help maintain these connections and remind you that we need others on an on going basis for our emotional health and that\u2019s a good thing. people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "89y22n", "comment_id": "89y22n"}, {"question": "i am so depressed it physically hurts", "description": "when you get that real low down feeling, and your body is aching all over, your head is fuzzy and heavy. the fatigue sets in.", "answer": "i just finished a book by the research psychologist roy baumiester, titled \u201cthe power of bad\u201d.  in it he recommends using over the counter pain reliever for emotional pain. i found that a combination of ibuprofen and tylenol really helps. i take two tylenol with 600mg of advil and it diminishes the pain of my girlfriend breaking up with me and my son\u2019s serious mental illness. i also am reaching out to loved ones for their support. by speaking of my pain, i disidentify with it. it\u2019s more like a broken leg, something i have rather than who i am.", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "k2z9aq", "comment_id": "k2z9aq"}, {"question": "life support question?", "description": "i am new to reddit. i read the requirements, but this isn't a question about myself, its about my grandma. if it isnt allowed here, before deleting can someone please let me know where i can ask?  my grandmother is 87. she has been sick for a while and she has now gotten very sick and is on life support. she isnt coming back this time :( i live in nyc. and she lives in tn. i am not able to go to tn until december 20th due to military obligations. could they wait to pull the plug until i got there? i really want to say my goodbyes.  even if she cant hear them, just for my peace. thanks in advance. ", "answer": "this is a question about legal and hospital policy rather than healthcare, so i don't think we can answer. if your grandmother is on some kind of life support (ventilator?) and your family decides to withdraw care, they can usually make that decision when it is best for family.  i'm sorry for your family. that can be a very hard situation and very hard, sad decision.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "a4wlkn", "comment_id": "a4wlkn"}, {"question": "should i tell my councillor about my constant harmful thoughts?", "description": "i\u2019ve recently started counselling with a school councillor if you look on my past posts things haven\u2019t been to great and i have been suicidal for while now a lot i think due to constant thoughts of hurting myself i\u2019m not sure about telling her because i don\u2019t want to be sectioned i\u2019m not sure what to do atm", "answer": "the hard truth is you may need to be sectioned. but you also might not. just being suicidal in and of itself isn\u2019t reason to section someone. (at least in the us). if you can\u2019t comity to keep yourself safe or resting the thoughts thag is. being hospitalized is scary but it can be an important ste in recovery if people need it. the bottom line is that you can\u2019t expect to get better without someone really knowing your full symptoms. would you go to a doctor with 5 physical symptoms and only share 4? no? right. because you would possibly get incorrect treatment. mental health is the same way.  you can recover if you trust the process and are open and honest about how you feel. i know it is scary but people care about you more than you know.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "hb11ok", "comment_id": "hb11ok"}, {"question": "those of you who have had depression for a long time, does your depression change? or has it always been the same?", "description": "when you go in and out of a depressive cycle, does it seem like it is darker than the previous one? i've had it for about 7 years now, and it seems to get shittier each time ", "answer": "i have had depression for about eight-ish years now. it comes & goes, so it's not consistent. i'll have days at a time where everything is great; i'll be sad but nothing that lasts for long. but then i'll get into deep runts that take me a while to get out of. i bounce back pretty quickly for someone with depression however.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "12didi", "comment_id": "12didi"}, {"question": "how do i ask my doctor for a therapist and what should i say? how do i find out what kind of therapist i need and how can i convey this to my doctor?", "description": "you can read this post for more info WEBLINK  i made a post on this subreddit about a month ago asking about being a pedophile and i learned about pocd. i don't know if i'm a pedophile or have ocd but i know i really need a therapist and i think the only way to get myself to ask for one is to ask my doctor but i don't know what on earth i should say to them. how would i find out if i need a sex specialist or an ocd specialist? the last thing i would want is to finally get the courage to get a therapist and end up wasting a whole lot of time because it doesn't help or i get misdiagnosed or i get the wrong therapist. and since i don't know what kind of therapist i need, how would i bring it up to my doctor? what should i say to them?", "answer": "i want to start by saying that a lot of the online diagnoses you got in your first post were inappropriate and nobody could accurately diagnose you with ocd or pedophilia based on what you posted.   def tell your doctor you are struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety related to sex . any psychologist can talk to you and then determine if you need some specific treatment . you may also be appropriate for psychosexual assessment .  if you , do , in fact,  have pedophilia,  which i'm not sure you do , a sex therapist would not be the right specialty.  there are specific programs for paraphilias and sex offenders (i know you said you haven't offended) and these are very effective.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwah7s", "comment_id": "fwah7s"}, {"question": "frustrated with therapy, last therapist may have molested a patient, current therapist never talks. what should i be looking for?", "description": "i'm trying, really really fucking hard, to 'get better'.  my last therapist probably molested one of his patients and lost his license.  my current therapist, 2-3 months in, barely says anything. i've told her that this infuriates me and makes me feel like i'm unable to make any progress if i'm the only one talking.  she's asked me what i expect to get out of therapy and i tell her i don't fucking know, i go because 'thats what you're supposed to do'.  i've been in and out of therapy since the 4th grade, i'm in my mid 20's.  **what am i supposed to be looking for?  am i wasting my time?**  is it normal for my therapist to not say anything, offer any insight, or give me any coping?  am i not giving her enough information despite talking nonstop for the full hour?", "answer": "it depends on the therapist and the type of therapy that you agreed upon. many forms of therapy involve \"active listening\". it may be uncomfortable but necessary - after all it's not meant to be a chat over coffee. nevertheless, if it worries you i think it would be perfectly valid to discuss this at length with your therapist. only then should you consider switching if both feel that the therapy is not in your best interests.  how do you know that the other therapist molested a patient?  edit: there's a difference between talking for an hour and talking about your feelings and emotions for an hour. obviously i don't know you, but you might want to consider which you are doing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4x6k09", "comment_id": "4x6k09"}, {"question": "[23/f] husband [24/m] talking to girls and lying about it.", "description": "i'm [23/f], i recently caught my husband [24/m] sending texts and calling girls - no problem. problem is he is going to great lengths to delete each text and call from the log (not deleting to save space - leaving old texts from months ago on there, immediately deleting texts from these girls).   my question is, is there ever a reason you would do this that doesn't mean i'm being cheated on? i directly asked him if he was doing it before ever checking his phone, and he denied it. i checked his phone only as final evidence, and caught him. i already caught him in that lie. how can i trust him that nothing is going on, if i know he directly lied to my face about that?  men of reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your so and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? please help me get some insight.  **tl;dr: husband sending texts and calling girls, deleting logs and texts, asked him about it, he lied.**", "answer": "> men of reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your so and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? please help me get some insight.  yep.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "yfpqj", "comment_id": "yfpqj"}, {"question": "how can i tell if i have ocd, or if i'm just fucked up. 13 male with t1 diabetes", "description": "will provide details if anyone decides to respond.", "answer": "well maybe you should tell us why you think you have ocd (which i bet you don't)?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6sbx0b", "comment_id": "6sbx0b"}, {"question": "why stop vitamins after d&c?", "description": "sex: female / age: 30 / location: ny, us/ smoking or drinking: no.   we recently lost our twins and had to do a d&c.   i noticed in the aftercare instructions that it says to stop taking my prenatal vitamins. is there a reason why?   i thought the vitamins would help with recovery and overrall health?", "answer": "there is no reason to take prenatal vitamins outside of pregnancy. vitamins don\u2019t overall help with anything unless treating a specific deficiency, which is fairly rare.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ff5m2w", "comment_id": "ff5m2w"}, {"question": "reading body language", "description": "a friend of mine (28 f) and i (24 m) have been working on themed cosplays for about a week now, hanging out every day from when we get off work till before bed. she and i have been friends for about a year, and 2 weeks ago it finally clicked that i have feelings for her.   she has a boyfriend...  she and i are both honest people, so i know she won't do anything relationship related with me unless she breaks up with him 1st... and i would do the same.   thing is... we have been spending a lot of time with one another. cooking, crafting, and just generally hanging out. alongside her boyfriend. she has been laughing at things that most people find annoying about me (i think...) and so i feel like she at least kinda likes me. then today happened.   we were hanging out for most of the afternoon because some friends canceled group plans. her boyfriend was out hanging with them, and we opted to work on costumes. we haven't been alone more than 3 times since we became friends, and this was the he 1st time it was just the 2 of us all day. about 3 or 4 times throughout the afternoon she and i would make eye contact randomly, and i would catch the faintest glimpse of her winking. until the last time when it was super obvious. no context for the winks, and they didn't even seem sensual. i'm not sure what to think of those... what do you think?  tl;dr: girl i like who winked at me 3 or 4 times with seemingly no context.", "answer": "if it doesn't read as sensual then it's probably friendly, because you're posting about it because you want it to be sensual, even though you know it wasn't cause you said so.   so it was friendly, and you should probably start dating other people, because this isn't the one. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dydad", "comment_id": "6dydad"}, {"question": "girlfriend broke up with me and need advice.", "description": "hey guys, my girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. a little background story: i'm away in a different town for college, and so is she. we met at the beginning of school and hit things off. we have been girlfriend and boyfriend for quite some time now and i thought things were great. until, she called me one night and broke up with me. reason : she said that she still had feelings or thinks she still loves her ex boyfriend. she dated this guy for 2 years prior to us and broke up with him about 2 months before we starting seeing each other. she told me that she broke up with him because she felt that she didn't love him for the last 3 months of their relationship and only thought of him as her best friend  & because she was moving away to college. the thing is, i'm new to serious relationships and would consider this girl my first love. honestly i believe i have become addicted to this girl, actually addicted. she is always running through my mind no matter what i do, sometimes distracting. she told me she loved me before i did actually, it was a pretty big deal and i love her too. everything has been going great for a while but she said that she felt guilty having feelings for 2 people and was nostalgic of her past relationship. she did not want to hold on to me, even though she loves me or if she feels this way towards 2 people. she  felt guilty and didn't want to hurt me in the long run if those feelings never went away for her ex.  she said she had to be selfish and wants to be single for a while to figure things out. now, were both back in our hometowns away from each other and i'm pretty sure she's going to hang out with him. well actually, i am sure she is. hanging out with him is just going to make her love him more. she says she's not going to be with me or him. which makes sense since he lives far away also. do i just forget about us ever getting back together or move on? the only thing keeping me thinking were going to get back together one day is all the great memories we had, how could she just throw that all away?  when we are together we are so good together and the love is there so how could she feel this away about him again? i understand they had a long relationship, but she doesn't see him ever so how do those feelings come back?    i just do not understand how she can regain that love for him when she has been with me the whole time and have been hitting things off.   see, in my head i still feel like we have something that shouldn't be thrown away so fast. i want to get over her but theres still a part of me telling me to hold on. i always question myself whether she really loved me or just had really strong feelings for me. how could she just throw me out of her life like that if she truly loved me? i understand she felt guilty and had to be selfish but so many questions go through my head.  i'm not sure whether i should just move on and really try to get over her or hold on a little bit.i have been struggling for the past week with anxiety and just pure sadness that everything we had is over and was a waste. honestly, i have gained some type of obsession over all of this constantly putting bad thoughts and situations in my head, just needing answers.  i always continue thinking about the good memories and miss them so god damn much. the thought of her hooking up with people hurts me so much. part of me says to not talk to her and she will realize what she lost and miss me but the other part tells me if i don't talk to her she will get over it. simply, \" distance makes the heart grow fonder\" or \" out of sight, out of mind\"  another dilemma is, when we go back to school i know were probably not going to get back together right away(if we ever do) and i will have to see her hook up with other guys at parties. we go to the same exact parties every single weekend because we have the same friend group, it's unavoidable, trust me. i want to hook up with other girls in order for me to get over the break up and not love her anymore but i just can't seem to find the interest in any girls but her.  i don't know what to do and need some advice. i would love for some pure honesty, whether it hurts or not, i need it. or if this same situation has happened to anyone.   sorry this is long but thanks so much.", "answer": "the best way to get over someone is to cease contact. otherwise you're constantly pouring salt on a healing wound.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3lwc", "comment_id": "5m3lwc"}, {"question": "i (23m) and my gf (20f) have a sexual imbalance issue", "description": "i think we have a normal amount of sex. usually 4-5 times a week or more. but 9/10 times we do, i last for nearly an hour, and she climaxes early and loses a lot of enthusiasm. she starts to say she's tired, or that it's starting to hurt, so i'm forced to stop before i can climax. she will use her hand in most cases, but most of the time it ruins the mood for me and we just go to bed. we don't have morning sex as much as we used to, but last night i woke up at 1 and asked her if she wanted to have sex, and she was fine with it, albeit tired. once again, i couldn't climax.  which brings me to another point: she never asks for sex. i always pose the question or allude to it. she is definitely sexually attracted to me and enjoys it. i believe this might just be her shyness.   trust me, she's loyal. she cries at the very thought of upsetting me. i think we have a strong relationship. it's more just that i'm afraid her extreme shy nature and loss of enthusiasm is going to lead to more tension. any advice?", "answer": "an hour? my dude, that is asking a lot. i once read the average time a woman prefers for intercourse is 11 minutes, and i concur.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7kezjz", "comment_id": "7kezjz"}, {"question": "suicidal, want to know what to do", "description": "hi,  i have borderline personality disorder and i tried to kill myself last summer. i got better, and then i have been getting worse and worse. these past couple days i have been having very bad panic attacks or manic episodes (not sure what exactly they are, sorry) and i think a lot about killing myself. i don't have a solid plan yet, but often i just get very close to driving on the other side of the road. last night i started cutting again.   i am on antidepressants and have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about different ones or a higher dosage. i have been thinking about going to a mental facility or hospital but i have to go back to school on tuesday and i can't miss too much of it or i would have to start the semester over (i'm in education). what goes on in the hospital if i were to admit myself? how long is the average stay for something like this? i understand it's completely a person-to-person thing.   at this moment i don't want to die but i will again soon and i am afraid that my time is coming to a close. i'm sorry  ", "answer": "if you are suicidal tell your doctor. hospitalizations these days are typically briefer and just for stabilization. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1u9td9", "comment_id": "1u9td9"}, {"question": "[20/f] the guy i'm seeing (24/m) isn't forthcoming when it comes to serious talks? also, i think i love him?", "description": "so a bit of background: i haven't been in a serious relationship before, had a few casual teen romances, nothing much to comment on. as far as i'm aware, he's only had one serious relationship, i don't care about the booty calls or casual hookups he's had. we've been seeing each other for about 10 months and its only for the last 6 or so months that things had started to develop into something more, and only about 2 months ago did we have a (rather drunken and immature) chat about being exclusive to one another.  we have a great sex life and he makes me laugh and buys me food etc, and i really enjoy spending time with him. when we cuddle in bed he says cute things like \"i get to cuddle and wake up next to my girl\" and that puts a stupid big smile on my face, but we haven't really sat down and discussed what we think this relationship is. i don't even know if he classes me as his girlfriend or just a girl he's seeing.  the problems now are that every time we see each other he wants sex, which is usually fine because our sex drives are really, really high, but i'm in the middle of stressful study and my libido is dropping off. i'm just concerned about the impact of that on our relationship. secondly, any chats i try to have with him about anything remotely serious he gets very awkward and closes up, doesn't offer any information or discussion unless i press him for it. like anything from job prospects to why his last relationship ended (that was particularly awkward). i'm just not sure if this is a standard \"bloke\" way of handling things or what. lastly, i think i love him, but because of him being so closed up about discussing anything serious i'm scared to tell him. i also was the one to initiate the relationship and make most of the steps along the way, so i'm also concerned that i might be pushing this along and he's more \"going-with-the-flow\".   i don't know, like i said earlier, i'm completely inexperienced with relationships and all of these emotions are so overwhelming, on top of my stressful studies i just feel so confused. any help, opinions or insights are hugely appreciated.  edit: he also took my out to lunch with his family and we spent the afternoon shopping, and his mum talks to me by my nickname and first name, and he takes me to hang out with his friends when their doing a group thing with their partners. i think i made it out to seem a lot worse than it really is.  edit #2: update, we had a serious talk and i know he tried harder this time to talk more about what he thinks and feels, and now we're in a official relationship! i think i just needed to encourage having the discussions a bit more in the end :)", "answer": "given the timing and your ages, i'd encourage you to just chill ... so long as you enjoy eachother's company, and the lack of relationship definition doesn't eat you up inside. some people absolutely require that, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. sounds like you'd *prefer* a more concrete talk, but don't want to lose the relationship over it. and it really hasn't been all that long.  sometimes, you don't need to force a move if everything feels ok. my opinion, anyway.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3il128", "comment_id": "3il128"}, {"question": "it's me again, the chick with c diff. still.", "description": "my info hasn't changed but here it is again:  31, woman, oregon. have had c diff since march this year. currently taking sertraline, amitriptyline, propranolol, promethazine and zofran.  my previous post(s):  WEBLINK  just an update for those who were concerned or helped me with advice previously.   after that last post, i was sent to the ed by the infectious diseases doc because she thought i had appendicitis. after eight hours there, they said my tests looked great and no signs of appendicitis.   the i.d. doc told me she can no longer help me because, in her words, \"we followed textbook procedure and the only way you'd still have the infection is if you were the unluckiest person in the state.\" she referred me back to my pcp.  my pcp this morning ordered me a same day stool test to check for a current c diff infection. they just called and told me i am positive, and my doctor is \"very surprised.\" she is referring me back to i.d..   i've taken every antibiotic for this including vancomycin, flagyl which i'm horribly allergic to, and most recently dificid. if anyone has any guesses as to what they'll do next, i'd appreciate any thoughts. thank you all for your hard work, and then for taking the time out of your insane schedules to help strangers on the internet. seriously, thank you all.", "answer": "as someone said in response to your last post, it may be time to look into fecal transplant.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8t4xg5", "comment_id": "8t4xg5"}, {"question": "how do you stay motivated to work on a long-term project?", "description": "this has been a problem for me for as long as i can remember. i take on a lot of projects, go hard for the first day or weeks, and then i get bored, frustrated, or overwhelmed, and then i set it aside. this is why my home is cluttered with unfinished projects, my desk is littered with papers and sticky notes everywhere, and i have an agenda filled to the brim with way too many tasks.   i realize that neurotypical advice for project management doesn't work well for me. (for example...set milestones...ok, well, i put milestones on my calendar and the reminders ding but i ignore them since my calendar is overloaded with meeting reminders.)   what are your motivation hacks for long-term projects? ", "answer": "break it into small parts :)", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "b2d72c", "comment_id": "b2d72c"}, {"question": "just got put on strattera. how the hell am i supposed to get through this for the next 4 weeks?", "description": "it's only the first day (40mg) and i feel like i'm just a walking talk box. i have zero emotion most of the time, and when something does happen i feel like it was either my fault or something bad is happening. my personality has basically vanished to zombie form. i understand it takes time to do what it does, but holy shit this is tough. the only thing i ever feel like doing is going to sleep or just resting in general. my leg muscles are tight and my hands are so clammy. how did any of you manage this?", "answer": "i started on generic strattera (40 mg 1x/day) on wednesday, so i'm on day 4. i'm a 28-year-old male, 5'8, and ~150 lbs.   the things i've noticed:   * tingly scalp * more fluctuations in feeling hot/cold/feverish (without a fever)  otherwise, i haven't noticed a lot.   here's what i've been doing every day, and maybe one of these things would be helpful to you:  * eating *something* before or right after taking the dose (i take in in the morning). if you search /r/adhd, many will recommend a full stomach, but i've never liked eating breakfast, so i've just had a banana each morning and haven't experienced nausea  * keeping a large yeti or tervis tumbler full of ice water with me most of the day and drinking it constantly. i don't normally drink water very often, but i read this could be helpful, and i'm guessing it has been. i've been peeing more often, but otherwise it's been good for me.  * i've worked out (not very strenuously, i have some severe chronic illnesses) every day since beginning it; however, this was a habit i had already formed prior to starting strattera, so it wasn't something new i needed to add. today i will be a rest day, so i'll know later today if that's problematic.  * honestly, i've continued to consume coffee twice a day (because that's what i did prior), and haven't noticed any issues.  emotionally, i haven't felt much different. maybe a little calmer with less chatter/\"background noise\" in my mind, which i appreciate. i hope you're able to stick it out and i hope you won't be discouraged by the mixed reviews found here of experiences with strattera. however, if you find it too overwhelming or the side effects to be too much, please contact your doctor; they should be understanding and willing to figure something out for you. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "7wjfsu", "comment_id": "7wjfsu"}, {"question": "do you feel (platonic) love for any of your clients?", "description": "so i've had my therapist for 3 years. i come from an abusive mother who attempted to take my life, and i was homeless from 17 to 20 becauae of it. i am 22 now and came to my therapist when i was 19. i now have a boyfriend, an on a lease, and graduate a year-long software development program in two days and will likely be receiving an offer for my first career-level position making 52k a year. my life has taken such an enormous turn.   i owe so much of it to my therapist. i remind her of this. she's validating, calls me out on my shit and is so so wise and smart. she has tactfully led me into so many epiphanies that would have taken years of me struggling to get on my own. and i love her so, so much. she's even coming to my graduation thursday and frequently tells me how proud of me she is. i don't know if i've ever told her but i'm sure she knows that i love her so much(if i haven't, i'm alright telling her then). she's like a super cool aunt, and regularly checks on my finances( not in an invasive way, she just wants to make sure i'm making good decisions), will have me come in for another appointment in a week rather than every other week if she's particularly concerned about me, and often tries to help me plan my future. i ran into the owner of the practice she works at by chance two years ago and she offered me free therapy as long as i needed after a heart-to-heart about my hardships, and i've been with my therapist since.    with all that rambling said (i could go on about her, honestly), do therapists typically feel warmth  and affection like this towards their patients? or are you all taught to stay distant? i know i'm only a year or so younger than her own children, so i'm sure this is a part of it. but my therapist has never crossed a line and i trust her with my life, because truly, she's saved mine.", "answer": "i care deeply about my patients and there are some that leave more of a place in my heart than others. love? i don\u2019t know that i would use that word but it\u2019s definitely a deep affinity.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cgspyj", "comment_id": "cgspyj"}, {"question": "i'm 19 years old and may be coming into some money, giving me the chance to go to college. what direction should i take my schooling?", "description": "first off, i'm typing this up from mobile and don't know how to tag or if this is even the right place for this so if a mod could help me out i would appreciate that.  quick backstory, i have been working since before graduating high school and never gave much thought about college because it was something not very possible given our financial situation. my mom approached me the other night telling me if i had the opportunity to go to a trade school or away for college, would i be interested. now, right off the bat i was hesitant. she didn't explain where the money would be coming from, but insisted i give it some thought.   i work in a bank right now as a teller, getting ok money but the stress and strict routine drive me nuts. i love working with computers, and programing has always been an interest, but still don't know what i want to do for a career. my current manager told me about her nephew who troubleshoots computers for a living and can do it remotely, meaning he can go into his office or take a laptop with him anywhere he goes and get paid overtime for that. the last thing i want is to be stuck in a window or cubicle, but i still want to work with computers.   so my question to all of you fine people is, what kind of job do you have that is similar to what i mentioned (that you enjoy doing), and what kind of schooling did you do to get there? i appreciate any feedback.  tldr: mom implies i can do whatever i want for college. still not knowing what career to go into, i'm looking for a job based around computers that doesn't tie me down to a cubicle, and what kind of schooling that takes.", "answer": "you dont have to rush into a decision - you could try some night courses whilst you work to get a feel for what interests you or not.  ultimately most people enjoy their job when they get good at it - so it might not be what you do but how you do it.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5kyp7h", "comment_id": "5kyp7h"}, {"question": "i just did a load of laundry without putting the laundry in.", "description": "update: that happened yesterday.  today, i set the dryer to medium when i only need to set it to small.  time to get back on adhd meds", "answer": "haha i am laughing because i did a load of laundry only to realize i put the softener in with the load and put the detergent in the softener dispenser.....very confused when i ended up with very soapy clothes after the rinse cycle", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "9aro7e", "comment_id": "9aro7e"}, {"question": "how many people have you \"shut out of your life\", or stopped speaking to before they could leave you first, and how long did you not speak to them?", "description": "i am currently trying to put some space between me and my fp, which is actually not that hard because he rarely speaks to me anymore. i just feel like he thinks that i either don't like him, or that i'm not interesting anymore, that he thinks i'm too much work to keep being friends with, or just simply annoying.   we used to talk every day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, but he has kind of put me aside. he talks to other people now and when we hang out it's just awkward and he can get kind of mean. he makes me nervous, and we both often need alcohol to be our true selves with each other. i can get really quite when people talk about things rather than emotional stuff, and when i hang with him and my bf, they only talk about cars, speakers and other music stuff, or games i haven't played or aren't interested in, and i can't get a word in edgewise. i get cut off when i talk, the music i play isn't appreciated (he literally says it sucks) and gets skipped. i know that he sometimes goes over the edge when teasing me because he wants a reaction, but by that time i'm already emotionally out the door and can't come with a witty come-back or laugh it off, so it becomes even more awkward.   last time we hung out he randomly hugged me and asked me why i'm so unapproachable, and it just breaks my heart. later that night we danced really intimately together after having had a heartfelt discussion about another friend of his, and i felt that we would get back on track after that, but no. he is frustrated, i get that, but for my mental well being, i just need space.   so.   have you ever been in a situation like that where you had to not be in contact with your fp or someone else, what happened, how did they react, and how long did you not speak for?", "answer": "i have burned many bridges  you can't cross them again", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "f5pj2v", "comment_id": "f5pj2v"}, {"question": "what are healthy alternatives to \"passing along the pain\"?", "description": "i'm a highly sensitive, emotionally intense man, who only wants to do good in the world, and just can't seem to integrate and be at peace with the way i've been mistreated.  i've done some reading about authoritarian personalities and how human beings deal with interpersonal power and hierarchy in general. the basic gist i get is that when a person is chronically forced to say \"yes sir\" when they really want to say \"fuck you\", they bury their resentment and it turns into a craving to dominate others in turn, to \"pass along the pain\" they've been unfairly dealt, by unfairly making others weaker or lower on the hierarchy hurt unfairly.  i am strongly, on principle, against either being dominated, or dominating others, and i don't see this changing. i've managed this by keeping as complete control as i can muster over whom i interact with. i'm very self-reliant, and would rather do something all by myself than ask for help from someone who's going to make the interaction into a power play.  that all changed when i went to graduate school, where i was treated very nastily by some of my teachers and trainers, whom i can only imagine were treated the same way when they were trained, and have become very practiced at saying \"yes sir\" when they mean \"fuck you\". the more i resisted being mistreated, the worse it became. i find myself now having obsessive, intrusive thoughts about the way i was treated, which can leave me seething with anger and resentment for hours to days. i just have no way to integrate such an experience. i refuse to find me some underlings or scapegoats to kick around, and the rational part of my brain tells me that going back to where i trained and confronting those people angrily will not turn out well for me. what other options do i have? how to mentally healthy, well adjusted people integrate experiences of being mistreated, without becoming mistreaters themselves?", "answer": "now in no way am i trying to say that you haven't experienced mistreatment, but you seem to be very invested in being a victim and being able to identify as such.  where's that coming from?  what are you getting out of it?  in what ways is it helpful to you (it is helpful in some ways or else you wouldn't be doing it) and in what ways is it harmful?    ask yourself these questions and lastly try to figure out if there's some way you can have the same needs met that you're getting out of your victim identification without having to continue and thereby have to face the negative consequences as well.    on almost every reddit post i comment on i usually recommend talking to a therapist, but in this case especially i think it would be helpful.  every single one of us has blind spots that only an objective observer will be able to help us figure out.  i think a good therapist would be able to help you with this.  you are not responsible for the mistreatment you've suffered.  it's not your fault.  how you react and how you live your life after the fact is and always will be your responsibility.  continuing to blame others will only keep you stuck.        [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zfgdw", "comment_id": "7zfgdw"}, {"question": "is it weird to ask your t how they're doing?", "description": "i have been seeing my therapist for a little while. my t starts sessions in silence, like an open thing, and i hate uncomfortable silence, so i always start our sessions by asking \"so, how are you?\" it is a thing i ask virtually everyone i interact with, but the first several times (and sometimes in more recent sessions) i started our sessions this way, my therapist seemed really hesitant and confused, and usually just says \"i'm okay. how are *you* doing?\"  my question is: is that a weird thing to ask my therapist, or am i over-analyzing this? i feel like 1- maybe not a lot of people ask their therapists this question 2-my therapist only usually only ever says \"okay\" as a way of not only not focusing on them, (which has been an issue with me in the past with my former therapists, where i would not want to talk about myself, and we would spend the session talking about them, although that is a thing i have not brought up with my current therapist). 3- i sometimes will want distance in sessions and will ask random \"brain\" questions (like, \"why do brains sometimes react \\_\\_\\_ to a situation?\", and i'm pretty sure that's a thing my therapist has caught onto/maybe does not want to start our session that way?  i sometimes get the overall feeling that it's... weird, but i think that's just maybe me being overly conscience. all help/comments appreciated. thank you, i hope you have a great day!", "answer": "i don't think it is \"weird .\" exchanging pleasantries is pretty normal.  it is the therapist 'a responsibility to not go on about himself.   i often give a brief response like:  \"i'm doing well.\" \"i'm really enjoying this beautiful weather. \"  \"these times have been hard for everyone , i'm hanging in there. \"  then switch back to the client . this is your time , and your therapist wants to focus on you .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g28ez4", "comment_id": "g28ez4"}, {"question": "writing the mcat in under 4 months", "description": "this process will probably be the most rigorous and difficult undertaking of my life so far.  if i want to go to med school then it does not matter how well i do, it only matters how well i do relative to the other people taking the test. i know how smart and capable some of these people are and i need to show that i am at the end of that curve <2%.   my goals for this period of time closely align with our shared goals for nofap  we want to be above that curve, better than the general population, it is a rare thing to do, and we suffer, and we learn discipline, we go on morning runs, do pushups, take cold showers all just to fight the urge.   ​  now i am fighting every urge at every corner like they are my enemies, the urge to look at my phone, the urge to take a break, the urge to fall asleep, the urge to watch a show, the urge to go on reddit, the urge to eat junk,  the urge to fap.  i have to beat the other test takers, but most importantly the battle takes place within. if i do great on the mcat or not so great, i want to look back at those 4 months and think that if i had to redo them that i worked as hard, and as long as i reasonably could, and that i will not wish for more time come the exam.   ​  when it comes to fapping we often wish we could have back those days we decided to look at pornography instead of doing something productive.   ​  the time is now, make an excel chart of your days over the 15 days, put in some rest days, don't overdo it. be reasonable. make these weeks the most productive of your life, but first you must have a reason to start!", "answer": "yeahh go get it!! great message", "topic": "nofap", "post_id": "gefxbj", "comment_id": "gefxbj"}, {"question": "i still love my abusive ex from 3 years ago", "description": "tldr at the bottom  i met my ex (let's call her jane) in highschool back in 2009. we hit it off fairly quick and started dating after only knowing each other for a couple months. we dated consistently for 7 years after that.  we fought a lot, but i never thought it was more than the average couple. it wasn't until i started seeing a therapist in early 2018 that i realized exactly how emotionally abusive jane had been towards me.  she would consistently hit below the belt. she would take every opportunity she could to make me feel dumb, like she was superior to me. she would shame me whenever i made a mistake, making me feel 10 times worse than i already did. she would make me feel like i didn't belong around her friends by always talking shit about me towards them. her friends would tell both jane and i that she was too good for me.   she would constantly shift blame and try to make me feel bad for anything that ever happened between us. somehow every problem in our relationship could always be traced back to me and i had no way of arguing against her sheer ignorance and lack of logic. she lives in a world where she is never wrong.  it's safe to say that our relationship was mostly held together by our sex life. this was the aspect of our relationship that had the least issues. this was also one of the only ways she showed me affection. she didn't like hugging or cuddling. she didn't like to kiss very much. she didn't like human contact. the only time i was able to be totally comfortable with her was when we were having sex, and that was inconsistent because she has a low sex-drive.  she cheated on me with her best \"male friend\". to make this more clear, me and this guy always had issues and she knew that. this was literally the worst person she could have cheated on me with. i shamefully forgave her, and tried my best to move on.  once we were in college together things only got worse. she would go out drinking 4 nights a week and i was not allowed to come with. she did not like being around me when she was drunk, so i was told to stay home instead. typically i would sit at home all night and pray that she didn't cheat on me. i honestly still don't know to this day if she cheated on me during those nights.  in 2014 we had a child together. she was still in college and i had dropped out to work full-time at a crappy job just so we could afford to support our son. after a year of trying to make it work as a family she finally left me for good. she moved 3 states away to distance herself from me and she took our son with her. now i drive 8 hours to meet with her twice a month so i can see my son for a total of 8 days a month.  just to make things that much worse she lied and told her entire family that i hit her. this way i couldn't even talk to her family. these were people i had grown to love over the last 7 years, they were basically a second family for me.  i still love her. i have every right to hate jane, but i don't. i don't know why i still feel the way i do about her. i'm ashamed to admit this to any of my family members, they all treat her like she's the plague, and i know that she deserves it. i haven't even admitted this to my therapist. i just can't bring myself to get over her. there is nothing i want more than to hate her, but i don't.  we broke up 3 years ago and i still think about her every day. i still have delusions of jane and i sharing a future with our son together. i hate myself for thinking these things. this is my deepest secret.  tldr: i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years before she finally left me and took our son 3 states away. i can't get over her and i'm ashamed to even admit it to my family and my therapist.", "answer": "this is honestly a lot more common than you'd think -- you are not alone in this. if you google it, you'll see a lot of people with a similar struggle. i have been struggling with this a lot recently myself and feeling so much shame about it and the book the betrayal bond by patrick carnes is so far helping a lot. ", "topic": "mmfb", "post_id": "apkc16", "comment_id": "apkc16"}, {"question": "how to find a mental health facility?", "description": "i really feel like the best thing for me right now would be to be put in a hospital or some kind of facility. i have no idea how to go about finding one, are there any websites or something i could look on? do they cost a lot of money? also some basic information on it would be very helpful.  i live in australia, if that helps anything.", "answer": "i can only answer very generally here as i practice in the us and am not very familiar with australia's healthcare system.    what i'm going to say is how things work in the us that i imagine are fairly similar.  inpatient hospitalization is usually covered by your health insurance.  on your health insurance card or paperwork there should be a website or number where you can get info regarding hospitals or providers in your area.    without insurance, hospital stays can be very expensive (thousands of dollars a day) (though generally everything medical in the us is ridiculously expensive).      if you feel like you're at the end of your rope, feel you need hospitalization and can't figure out what to do, call whatever your country's emergency number is and discuss the issue with them.  they should be able to help you out.    if not, but you're experiencing some mental health issues, consider seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist which your general practitioner should be able to refer you to if you don't know of any.  at that point, they should be able to get you connected to a hospital fairly easily if that's what you need.    [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xxzce", "comment_id": "7xxzce"}, {"question": "hi...new here. diagnosed with ptsd recently, realizing i can no longer work as a first responder. struggling with identity and purpose.", "description": "before anyone worries, i will spare the fine details of what brought me to this point, im not sure i even remember them all anymore. and yes i am seeing a psychiatrist and now a therapist too. just needing to vent. i entered emt school at 17. 22 now, paramedic, and the warning signs ive pushed off for years have caved in collapsing onto my life all at once. i cant pinpoint a specific event or memory that broke me. theres too many of them. i re-live a different one every night, wake up to respond to \u201cphantom tones\u201d until i realize that im at home, and lately the nightmares have decided to creep into the daylight as i have begun having flashbacks (i think thats what they are). a child could be playing outside and scream happily but i wont understand that. ill hear the scream and my heart races, i sweat, my hair stands up, im suddenly aware of everything around me, \u201cits happening again, not again please not another one\u201d as i rush out the door expecting to find the same sort of scene as the dozens that haunt me. i used to be so well-tempered. now i lash out at people wildly and it makes no sense why. ive lost interest in all my hobbies i once had. i have based my entire identity and purpose around my work. ive given so much.. sleepless nights during 48 hour shifts, constant tears that i held in until alone because i had to be strong for others in the most tragic of moments, ive been assaulted countless times by patients i was helping. despite how much the field took from me i woke up every day with the feeling that some sort of god or higher power had given me this mission. that it was much more than myself and so with motivation i woke every day ready to \u201csave the world\u201d one person at a time\u201d. it felt good to feel like life had a meaning. to be unable to do it anymore has me so lost. who am i now? the things i used to identify by i havent done for years nor have any interest in, my true personality is masked by symptoms causing me to act differently. what sort of life am i supposed to live now when i want for nothing else? i dont just feel lost, i feel utterly broken. im not sure what to do but take my meds go to therapy and find hobbies as my doc has instructed..it all feels fucking pointless. i feel like i turned my back on the world. and yet ironically feel like its turned its back on me. idk anymore", "answer": "hey i appreciate you sharing this. i just wanna say i am a therapist that works specifically with first responders and what you describe is not uncommon, especially being a paramedic or emt. your job basically trains you to have ptsd. repeat trauma exposures, alarms going off, disrupted sleep, situations that you often times have very little control over and a lack of closure on most scenes you run.   give yourself credit for getting on the right track and taking care of yourself. there is a job out there that is meant for your kind and generous soul, that also doesn't eat you alive. i know you are in therapy and i would encourage you to ask about specific trauma treatments like cognitive processing therapy, prolonged exposure, or emdr. they can be really effective at addressing the consequences of repeated exposure to trauma and they are relatively short interventions (a few months) compared to traditional talk or supportive therapy.  im not sure if you are still working as a first responder but if you do and need a break while you figure out what to do next, it may help to transfer to a less busy station or a station that sees different types of calls that are more manageable ( ex: station near a nursing home, you see preditable issues, in a business district, etc). if you are in a city that has firefighters and medics in the same department, maybe transfer to ff work for the time being.   and again, good on you for acknowledging how you feel. i see so many people deny it for decades until a major mistake or incident happens and they see how much of themselves they've given away. you can regain your life again and you've already taken such great steps. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "b4v4kl", "comment_id": "b4v4kl"}, {"question": "no energy, mood swings, depression. undermethylation??", "description": "i've spent **over $1,500** in medical bills trying to figure out what is wrong with me. i spend almost every spare moment of time trying to figure this out and i get such mixed messages from so many doctors i am lost on what to do.  im diagnosed with add, i have very high folate and vitamin b12 levels. i have high levels of ebv antibodies. i was on adderall from age 14 to 17. that barely got me by, but i can literally barely even hold a job anymore. (18yr, guy, 160lb \\~5ft 11in) i am depressed/low mood/extreme brain fog/mood swings most of the time, but when i am feeling bad i also usually feel bloated. i have very little appetite, and very increased thirst.  i have moderate acne, severe eczema on parts of my hand. i have high histamine levels also, and am currently about to be treated for undermethylation with vitamins and sam\\-e. but i want to make sure i am going down the right path for treatment.  i feel like my diet plays a huge role in my problems. i went a month eliminating all sugar, gluten, and dairy. i definitely did not feel anywhere close to 100% after that, but i felt better. i was able to function without stimulants, caffeine etc. i could get out of bed in the morning. then i went back to  eating some sugar, gluten, and dairy, and i feel absolutely terrible. i have read about leaky gut, candida overgrowth, sibo  and i know that can cause all of my symptoms also.  what should i do from here? i honestly feel lost, every doctor i go to is telling me to do different things, and the current naturopathic doctor i have went to is putting me on the walsh protocol to help what he thinks is me being undermethylated. should i try the supplements for undermethylation first, or should i test for gut problems also?  if i am feeling depressed, unable to focus, mood swings i am almost always bloated. i feel like i cant digest food. i know i am not just experiencing depression or add, i dont need ssri or adderall. i literally feel like my body is trying to tell me something is wrong but i dont know what.", "answer": "let me join the chorus: you have been reading about pseudomedical \"diagnoses,\" which abound on the internet, and i would be very wary of a naturopath as a doctor, as their training is frankly limited and focused on pseudoscience.  you say you know what isn't wrong and what won't help. how? why?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8pmay4", "comment_id": "8pmay4"}, {"question": "trust", "description": "i'll keep it simple. what do you do if you love someone but don't trust them after 2 years. honestly...", "answer": "it's probably over if you don't trust someone after a much shorter period of time than 2 years!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76bq8d", "comment_id": "76bq8d"}, {"question": "aa meetings, any advice?", "description": "i have just passed the 12 weeks sober mark (woohoo) and i have been meaning to get to an aa meeting at some point over the next few days as i am really starting to struggle. however, i am terrified. scared that i will be turned away for not belonging or being 'alcoholic enough' or i don't even really know what i am so scared of. i think voicing to a room of alcoholics that i am an alcoholic makes it so much more real. does anyone here attend or have any advice or tips? or telling me to woman up and just get on with it will also be useful. thanks in advance ", "answer": "go. i\u2019m an athiest introvert who has serious issues with aa, but it saved my life and i still go several days a week when i can.   no one is going to ask how much you drank to make sure you belong\u2014if you\u2019ve made your way there, what you will hear is \u201cwelcome home\u201d.   like any meeting of a family, it can be wonderful or fraught, but it starts to feel like the one place everyone understands, which is the powerful thing about it.   if you don\u2019t like the first one you go to, attend a few more at different times/places. take what you like and leave the rest! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "71q36n", "comment_id": "71q36n"}, {"question": "i always get so excited when i make a new spacey mistake that i\u2019ve never made before", "description": "kind of feels like unlocking an achievement. as long as there aren\u2019t any horrible consequences, the shit i do is hilarious. yesterday i went into the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, got back up, and forgot to pee!", "answer": "one time i sat on the toilet and forgot to pull down my underwear and peed. it was quite a shock at first because i had no idea why it felt different than usual. \ud83d\ude02", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ab17pz", "comment_id": "ab17pz"}, {"question": "i'm the only guy in my college french class. today was day 1 of classes. almost no-one wanted to exchange numbers with me for study buddies / etc, presumably because they thought i was trying to just \"get their number.\" thing is: i'm gay!!! what do i do?", "description": "here's exactly what i said:  \"hey does anyone wanna exchange numbers in case one of us misses class?\"  there was already 7 students there when i asked, and only 1 even acknowledged that i had asked a question.  i can still do well studying by myself but it's kinda annoying.  even if i were straight, that doesn't mean i'm automatically hitting on you...  i texted the one girl who gave me her number (she's really pretty too which is kinda funny) and straight up said 'i think the other students thought that me asking for their numbers was a pick up line: i'm gay!!' within a general 'hi this is (my name) i take decent notes and plan to be at every class so hmu if you need anything :)' type message.  otherwise though it's kinda odd.    i don't have mannerisms typically associated with liking dudes, so my actions get misinterpreted frequently.  but in this case i feel like they're being kinda unfair.  they shouldn't have to know i'm not straight in order to text me about practice problems.    it's not like i can climb through their phones into their dorm rooms.", "answer": "make friends with them in class first. chat with them while waiting for class to start, during projects, etc. once they've warmed up to you a little more, they will be more open to exchanging numbers.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1v4396", "comment_id": "1v4396"}, {"question": "a bit of introspection update", "description": "one simple (okay, it wasn't so simple. it took years to make the change) and things are looking up. i found a good apartment in a senior complex (it will take a couple months to get a unit, but i need the time for cleaning up affairs). finally got my credit into house buying territory. still doing paperwork for the job, but i can't start until i move anyway. bought a couple suits. overall, things are going positive. i am happier now than i have been in years. best of all, i am doing it myself. i am getting control of my life without therapy or a helping hand. it can be done, although i know it ain't easy. don't give up. you just have to look inside you. decide what is important to you and dump the baggage (don't be a litter bug.) i still have a long road ahead. i need to address those medical issues before bringing someone else into the picture, but my confidence is at an all-time high. i hope the best for you all. you've been there when i needed a kind word. thank you.", "answer": "wonderful update. wishing you the best. congratulations.", "topic": "madover30", "post_id": "crtvni", "comment_id": "crtvni"}, {"question": "3 year dry drunk. just not drinking doesn't cut it anymore", "description": "my coping strategies aren't working as well anymore and my emotions are getting the best of me.  i've started going back to meetings, but they just remind me that i'm a fuckup and failure.   the other stressors in my life are off the charts and i'm breaking down.  i cry and rage easily and sometimes seamingly without reason. i've got two small kids and a small business so i have to stay functional while also dealing with my underlying problems.   i'm not in danger of relapse, but i need help moving forward in my recovery.", "answer": "if your meetings make you feel like a fuckup and a failure as you say, do you think a different type of meeting might be more helpful to you right now? like acoa if you had a less than nurturing childhood, smart recovery, or refuge recovery? i hope you find some peace soon.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "d4ncza", "comment_id": "d4ncza"}, {"question": "s/o was locked in a doctor's room for over 30 minutes", "description": "hello all, this is not a conventional post as you might already have noticed. i think i will post this over at r/legaladvice aswell, so if any mod thinks this post does not belong here feel free to remove it and accept my apologies.   so my girlfriend had a obgyn appointment this afternoon for some 'routine tests' following a miscarriage. from what she has told me she was escorted to an examination room (sorry i don't know the lingo so i'll just call it that) after a few words with the doctor he left and the door was locked behind him. she was trapped for over 30min despite banging on the door and asking to be let out. i believe that's about all the detail that is necessary for now. the medical staff insisted this was perfectly normal and not an issue at all. apparently this is not the first time this has happened.    my immediate advice to her was to call the police and explain what had happened. i am no lawyer or doctor so i don't know the laws surrounding this type of thing but my intuition tells me that when somebody shows up by their own volition for an examination they cannot be held against their will and should be allowed to leave if ever and whenever they want to so long as no danger is posed to anyone.    if someone in the field could please give me some insight before i contact the police (because she refuses) it would be greatly appreciated.  thank you", "answer": "it's false imprisonment, which doesn't sound proportionate to any particular risk. never heard of something like this ever happening, assuming what you say is correct.  if the clinicians can't give a reasonable explanation, then it is indeed a police matter - but you need to be absolutely sure about the facts.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "57imtu", "comment_id": "57imtu"}, {"question": "a big step", "description": ".", "answer": "well done. do what fits for you to do this. good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h91ku", "comment_id": "8h91ku"}, {"question": "meant to talk to my therapist about this", "description": "but didn't! she asked how i was doing and i answered her truthfully.... but omitted what was really weighing on me. idk why. she followed off of what i did mention (my productivity) and that became the topic instead.  what's really on my mind: i recently reconnected with someone i used to hookup with. he gave me a blank check for where to take things. i think?? i like him and am into him, but am naturally fearful of non casual contexts. so i've been fussing over how to handle things.  i have a sense of how i want to manage things.. but am second guessing lots. i even second guess the best manner to tell him what i have in mind (in person, or over text). in the end, i figured in person, but he's not available tomorrow. so i switched to telling him i'd describe it to him later today over text.  overall i'm afraid of opening up romantic possibilities between us only to put him off by being overly invested. it's easily possible, he's a casual guy as far as i can tell (even if he's open to dating, which i'm second guessing).. whereas when i like someone i get super psyched out (if you can't tell).  i'd also hate to pursue romance only to realize we don't mesh well (despite my attraction). which is why i've been meaning to ask to explore each other mostly in the bedroom like we used to, just with more room to low key \"get to know each other.\" and if we feel like doing cute stuff outside of the bedroom then we can act on those impulses. but intentionally dating is scary to me. for risk of rejection i suppose.  i want everything to be chill but i'm just not. chill. lol :')", "answer": "sounds like you\u2019re being thoughtful and aware of your feelings. if you were my client (i\u2019m a therapist), i might recommend being open and honest about what you\u2019d like. and figuring that out for yourself first, if you\u2019re not sure.   most people enter a relationship on their best behavior and slowly start to let their true selves out. this is why things change. if people went into relationships honestly and open about our messiness and shortcomings, then things don\u2019t change later. the other person can either take us as we are then or move on, but either way, we\u2019ve saved ourselves some pain and jumping through hoops we created. let them see the real you and then you know they like you for you, and not the you you think they want. am i making sense?  you may be attracted to him, but if he\u2019s not willing to respect what you want or at least consider it and be honest back, then i\u2019d say you\u2019d be dodging a bullet by moving on. best of luck! new relationships can be fun! you can always go in with i\u2019m going to make the most of our time together, no matter how short or long we have.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajw89w", "comment_id": "ajw89w"}, {"question": "my [25f] mom [53f] isn't turning her life around and i'm not sure how to help. (x-post /r/advice)", "description": "a tiny bit of backstory for you:  my mom comes from a family where depression and alzheimer's is fairly common.  her mom has it and i think my mom is following the same path.  in june/july of last year, my dad moved out after almost 30 years of marriage.  a couple of weeks later, my mom kicked me out of the house, and i had to live very frugally in my new place for quite a while before i was up on my feet.  i'm okay now, but she's not.  on december 29th, 2013, i got a call from my dad around 11:30 at night that my mom had tried to kill herself.  she spent about a week in icu and then was moved to the psychiatric hospital, where she spent a couple of months working on herself.  while the goal for me, my sister [28f], and my dad [52m] was to get her to live with someone else (her parents, her sister's, etc), my mom's goal was to get herself healthy enough to just go back home.  that house to my mom is like a bar to a recovering alcoholic.  there are triggers there.  and that's why we didn't want her there.  she's been going to therapy every week, group and individual, and she seems to be doing better.  my sister and her husband invite her up for dinner ever wednesday and she comes to my apartment for dinner every thursday.  my sister and her husband just bought a house.  my mom doesn't have a job.  she lost her job while she was in the hospital because they couldn't hold her position for her forever.  she's a nurse, and she worked at a retirement home.  a job, mind you, that she had just gotten a couple of months after being fired from her previous job for being a no-call no-show too many times.  my mom has been out of the hospital since late february, early march.  she hasn't started looking for a job.  she hasn't tried to really do much of anything besides get on unemployment (which took forever to go through) and get on medicaid so she doesn't have to pay her hospital bills.  while this may seem cold, i think that's the lazy way out.  i think if you made that bed, you should lay in it.  now i have been helping her in other ways.  like the day or so after she was out of the hospital, i took her shopping.  i bought her clothes and some shoes because she had donated all of hers to the local goodwill.  i buy her things she needs around the house (when the sump pump broke, i bought her that), i buy her dog food and dog treats for her dogs, and if we go out for lunch or dinner, i usually pick up the tab.  so i'm not leaving her high and dry and having her fend for herself.  she wanted to spend the little money she gets from unemployment on a stupid kurig coffee maker, and i just recently got a promotion, so because i had the extra money, i bought it for her.  i'd rather she keep that money for things like groceries and dog food.  now, my mom still isn't looking for a job.  my parents are getting a divorce, but my dad will only continue to pay for her to stay in the house through the spring.  she hasn't even lifted a finger to try and find a job.  she is a part of some program where someone sends her job leads for experience and she decides whether or not she wants to do it, but she just doesn't take them.  i think she's not taking the opportunities because she's being lazy and doesn't want to work anymore.  i've decided i would take her in for a maximum of two weeks if she were to suddenly become homeless.  but it would be hard for me, my boyfriend, and our three cats with her and her two medium to large sized dogs in a two bedroom apartment.  we're waiting to see what else happens and if nothing else does in a couple of months, we're going to talk to my grandpa about her and see what he can do to help us.  my sister and i feel like we're being used and she's not doing anything to help herself, and i want to know what else i can do to help her, without upsetting her.  tl;dr:  mom tried to kill herself and now isn't looking for any kind of job.  my dad is paying for her to stay in their house through the spring, and she just won't find any kind of work and i would like to know how to approach this with her. ", "answer": "i know that you want to help out your mom because she is your mom however by continuing to pay for her stuff she has no reason to get a job if other people will just do it for her. please do not feel obligated to pay for these things for her you cannot help her if she won't help herself. i understand that the depression is one thing and it's great that she is getting treatment and your needs are also important here too. this is coming from someone who is a mental health professional who also has a mother with depression/ bpd traits that make her suck the emotional energy out of me with every interaction. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2ariu9", "comment_id": "2ariu9"}, {"question": "lamotrigine and antihistamine eye drops", "description": "is it safe to use antihistamine eye drops (in this case, alaway) while taking lamotrigine? for the life of me, i can\u2019t seem to find any information on this.  37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. there have been no symptoms. i\u2019ve been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. i\u2019m currently taking 75mg of lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of propranolol as needed. i don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked. ", "answer": "that's the kind of question that's better to get through whoever's prescribing. there's no interaction with common oral antihistamines, and i can't think of why there would be one with eye drops, but i've never had it come up!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9m9zmk", "comment_id": "9m9zmk"}, {"question": "25 yo female finding it hard to forgive myself for horrible things that i did in a previous relationship. advice?", "description": "i am a 25 yo female. my ex boyfriend was a bit emotionally abusive (also assaulted me during sex) and betrayed my trust so many times. however, can't forgive myself for things that i did. e.g. i got angry and shouted at him many times in response to him breaking my trust like talking to other girls sexually and being mean about me to his friends behind my back. he once told me he only slept with me because i seemed to want it which made me feel like i had pestered him. again, although he had assaulted me a few times during sex i felt i am no better if i pestered him a bit too much. (i waited until later when he said he wasn't feeling it, we were i bed and i kept kissing him until he was horny - but he was kissing back! he didn't ever say no or push me away he just didn't seem as into it but we had sex anyway even though it felt a bit sulky :/) i just can't forgive myself. what do i do? my self esteem has taken a hit and i feel worthless and like a horrible pushy person. is this response just a year of a gaslighting liar ex making me doubt myself, or are these things really as horrible as i feel they are? am i never worthy of a relationship again? ", "answer": "toxic relationship. forget, move on, and make the next one different", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xdqch", "comment_id": "6xdqch"}, {"question": "are these symptoms of ptsd??", "description": "background: about 10 years ago i was raped at a party. 2 of my friends drugged me and proceeded to have sex me. my husband of 8 years is the only person i ever told about what happened that night. every time he asks me about it my heart races i get sweaty and i feel scared. its hard to describe. but i hate when he questions me. it hurts a lot that he wants me to relive those memories.   anyway i just need some advice if these can be a sign of ptsd?  racing heart, sweaty, scared, loneliness, suicidal thoughts??  thanks guys!", "answer": "psychology graduate student here.  those *can* be symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, but that alone is not enough for a diagnosis.  so i'll tell you what i tell everyone who is worried they might fit the diagnosis:  please go see a professional.  they'll be able to tell very quickly if you meet the criteria or not.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2ax2g5", "comment_id": "2ax2g5"}, {"question": "so, could someone explain to me what that difference between bpd and bipolar disorder is?", "description": "hello all. i'm trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. the therapists and counselors i've been to don't listen to me that well, and i just want to know what is wrong with me. i've always been depressed, but i have had many other problems. here recently i'm beginning to think i'm bipolar, but i don't know if that's all. as the title says, what is the difference between bpd and bipolar disorder?", "answer": "the moods in bipolar disorder last for over 4 days. also in bpd, the moods tend to be fairly reactive to events or situations while in bipolar disorder heightened stress can set it off, but it tends to be consistent regardless of issues.  mania and hypomania are fairly unmistakeable. pressured speech, not sleeping for days, grandiosity, are in the realm of bipolar disorder. at times mania progresses into psychosis. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "1jax0l", "comment_id": "1jax0l"}, {"question": "cbt vs. dbt? where to go? alternatives?", "description": "i was in dialectical behavior therapy (dbt, individual) for a year, and it didn't do much of anything for me.  how can i move forward?  a psychiatrist i recently saw told me that i should consider cbt.  i'm reluctant because it's another behavioral therapy and i have trouble implementing any behavior or habit in my life with any regularity whatsoever.   *could anybody give me advice? is cbt a possible venue?*  i'm also very afraid because i'm going back to graduate school in a week and i'm not sure i'll be able to handle it.  i feel very little control over my actions or over my life as a whole.  ", "answer": "cbt is a much more straight-forward form of therapy. it tends to cut out unnecessary fluff and get straight to the point.  yes, there is a behavioral aspect-however it also deals heavily with the cognitive (your thinking) and encourages you to abandon distorted forms of thinking.", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "ywrm5", "comment_id": "ywrm5"}, {"question": "lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "hi \ud83d\udc4b ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well i\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction.  short intro, i\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. i didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once i had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 i stupidly had that first drink thinking i will be able to moderate now. a mistake we have all made i\u2019m guessing.  i now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends.  however i remember how great i felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how i dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness!  determined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. i know i can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this!  eek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "hi viks79. how are things going for you now? ive hit 6.5 weeks and i cant believe it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "i'm so lost after six months: how do i find the best medication for my add subtype (vyvanse/adderall causing extreme fatigue).", "description": "i don't know the technical subtype, but i have adhd with extreme anxiety. i can't be around crowds, have responsibilities, or pretty much do anything without a full-blown panic attack if i'm not on my adhd medication.   i tried anxiety meds for the longest time, but they all made me tired, moody, and have serious brain fog.  six months ago i was diagnosed as adult add, and that first month on 30mg of adderall xr was a dream come true.  i had  - energy, - no anxiety, - focus, - motivation, - the ability to plan ahead (completely new for me) - the ability to socialize without overthinking it (also completely new for me)  unfortunately, for the next two months i was exhausted, unmotivated, and unfocused all the time.  i thought it might be allergies, but treating those didn't make any difference with my energy.  i switched to vyvanse a little over two months ago, and again had a great two or three weeks.  but now i feel exhausted, unmotivated and borderline depressed.  i've tried lowering the dose, but that just gave me serious panic attacks.  i've tried raising the dose, but that just made me even more tired.  **am i on the wrong add subtype for this medication?  should i try concerta?**   and i'll give you some more info before you post any of the comments i usually see on this subreddit.  :)  - i don't take a lot of vitamin c. - i work out regularly - i eat well. - i've tried less carbs and more carbs; i've tried meds with food and without food. - i get plenty of sleep. - i've talked to my \"doctor\" (he's actually a physician's assistant) about this, but i only see him for 15 minutes every month and he always wants to keep me on the same meds at the same dose.  ", "answer": "it sounds like there are several parts to your situation. there is an adhd part, an energy vs depression part, and an anxiety part.   anxiety - have you gotten therapy for managing anxiety, like cognitive behavioral therapy or something along those lines? that could really help manage the anxiety associated with not being on meds / meds not working as well.   depression - consider getting treatment for depression, because it sounds like it may be playing a role in your situation. depression and adhd symptoms are sometimes difficult to pick apart from one another, and it is entirely possible (and not uncommon) to have both. treating both conditions well is often the key to really feeling better.   adhd and meds - it sounds like you do well for a little bit, then the effect wears out. this sounds a lot like building \"tolerance\" to a medication. you can't really stop that from happening - that's the normal physiologic response to stuff. some people try to slow down developing a tolerance to medications by taking a day off adhd meds each week -- talk to your psych pa about it, don't do it on your own.  i think it could also be helpful to talk to your psych pa about trying an antidepressant again, along with therapy (note: this would not be the same therapy as the therapy for anxiety, though the same therapist may do both). maybe you didn't find an antidepressant that was right for you -- there's tons of antidepressants out there! some people respond to some and not others, and psychiatrists have no way of telling what you're going to respond to until you give it a shot (though psychiatrists can take pretty good guesses based on the meds' side-effect profiles, family history, and your specific symptoms).   someone in this thread mentioned wellbutrin -- it can be helpful for adhd but for some people it can make anxiety worse, so that's something to be on the lookout for.   tl;dr:  * consider talking to your psych pa about taking a day off adhd meds each week  * consider therapy (like cognitive behavioral therapy)  for managing anxiety * consider therapy for depression * consider giving antidepressants another shot * if you don't like your psych pa and don't feel like you work well together, consider finding a different provider", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "1pbv09", "comment_id": "1pbv09"}, {"question": "are stretch marks common symptoms of pcos?", "description": "hello everyone. i'm 19 and i've been diagnosed this year with pcos and with pituitary adenoma. recently i've been developing stretch marks in my inner thighs and i want to know if it's a common thing to experience with pcos or if it's unrelated and i should look for another cause. i'm not overweight, and my weight didn't change much this year. however my skin has become very weak and fragile, with a lot of cellulite and stretch marks in my thighs,  it looks like it's aging prematurely. i want to know if it's common or not. and if so, what are the treatments available and how effective are they? ", "answer": "i definitely have stretch marks, but that was thanks to gaining 80+ pounds in six months at the onset of pcos vs the disorder itself. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "8ly78b", "comment_id": "8ly78b"}, {"question": "when i take multivitamins i recall vivid dreams, does this mean i'm deficient? (27m)", "description": "i rarely take multi-vitamins, but when i do i invariably wake up remembering vivid dreams. most of the time when not taking vitamins i don't usually remember my dreams. i've seen this correlation for years now.  i was under the general impression that multivitamins are next to useless for people with decent diets. i subscribed to that idea hence why i rarely take them, however if they seem to cause such a marked effect on dreams that makes me wonder if they really are effective in other ways too.  i had a google and found that b vitamins are known to cause vivid dreams or help recall dreams. but what i couldn't find out is if this effect on me suggests that i am deficient in them.", "answer": "why would recalling vivid dreams necessarily be a sign of a good thing? i won\u2019t claim it can\u2019t be, but there\u2019s no reason to assume it\u2019s anything but an odd finding like riboflavin turning your urine bright yellow.  this is also the kind of thing that\u2019s highly subject to placebo effect. it would be fascinating to do a double-blind randomized controlled trial, but i don\u2019t expect it.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fde852", "comment_id": "fde852"}, {"question": "ms or anxiety? scared", "description": "recently i sort of developed a bad anxiety disorder, and with it a problem of being overly sensitive to everything about my body. i diagnosed myself with about 18 terminal diseases thanks to google. now for the most part i'm okay now and stopped stressing about that. now i am only convinced i have ms, mainly because i've been getting random muscle twitches all over.   i don't have numbing sensations yet i don't think, sometimes i get on a stuck cycle of deep breathing and heart rate but usually only when i'm really anxious. last night i had a muscle twitch on the right side of my chest and had a panic attacking thinking how i screwed i was if i had ms.   i have other \"symptoms\" but i have no idea what could be from ms and what could be coming from my awful anxiety. i start to think what if i'm feeling isn't an actual symptom, but me freaking out?  any thoughts on this? thanks! ", "answer": "my money's on anxiety. still you might want reassurance by seeing a doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4yedw8", "comment_id": "4yedw8"}, {"question": "if i could smoke weed like a normal person, i\u2019d do it everyday", "description": "i have control over whether i take the first hit but after i take that first hit, i\u2019m powerless.   i\u2019m lucky to live in a place where i have in person marijuana anonymous meetings and my smoking got to the point where i was either going to try it out despite my preconceived notions or keep relapsing.   pretty much going to a meeting is like being in a room full of people who intimately know what i have gone through and are there to care and offer me support. it is a relief to have people who understand my addiction when so many people just don\u2019t get it.   meetings help keep me in check cause if i do think about smoking, there\u2019s usually someone else there with less time than me who talks about how withdrawing sucks and how they hate smoking and don\u2019t want to anymore. or there is someone else there who has a lot more time than me and their life can be hard but it\u2019s gotten so much better which motivates me to stay sober.  working the steps is hard but is intensely healing. i honestly think that if you find a good sponsor it\u2019s better than therapy. i went over all the resentments i\u2019ve held onto over the course of my life and my sponsor listened and validated my feelings for five hours and talked a little shit on the people who caused them (mainly my parents) while letting me cry. where else can you have an experience like that?   anyhoo not to be preachy but there are phone meetings (pretty much a conference call format) for ma that you can find through the marijuana anonymous app which is free in the app store with all the ma literature. okay that was pretty preachy but really, google \u201cthe 12 questions of marijuana anonymous\u201d and see if you can say they don\u2019t apply to you. ", "answer": "shout out for ma! \ud83d\ude4c \ud83d\ude0a  i second that gratitude for the support available in the rooms. i've had so many women give hours of their lives to share their experience, strength, and hope with me, who would take a call in the middle of the night if i needed it, and can now say that i am willing to do the same. truly amazing to experience.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "9jcsl5", "comment_id": "9jcsl5"}, {"question": "help me understand if and how i should reach out to ex who's struggling.", "description": "my now ex bf was extremely violently assaulted about 9 months ago while living abroad and things have just been crazy ever since.  he was doing badly after the event - which i feel is natural - but then suddenly just snapped and refused to admit anything was wrong and pretended everthing was excellent instead. he suddenly and very fast jumped into an affair - now relationship - with another woman, dumped me, and stopped talking to anyone he knew before the event. friends, family, everyone.   a couple days ago i then get a text from him, saying he is back and wants to chat. i don't know what to respond?   on one hand i feel he just wants his cake and eat it too, and my friends says i should not let him use me like this.  but i am deeply worried something else might be up.   even though he dumped me, he has been writing very concerning things in emails, that makes me think he may be having some psychological problems.  he shows clear signs of ptsd and dissociation. he's also been saying that it was probably a mistake not going home after the assault. that he keeps thinking about me and he doesn't recognize himself anymore. that i'm the only one who knows him and i'm his best friend (we were together for 8 years \u2013 known each other for 10).   he also says he hasn't talked to anyone about what happened and how he's feeling. apparently i'm the only one who at least tried and that was just too hard for him to do, so he refused \u2013 and cut me out of his life. but, he did think he\u2019d need professional help once he would get home because he wasn't doing as well as he had been acting like.   so, what should i do? i don't want to be used, but i also don't want him to suffer. apparently none of his new friends acknowledges his problems, and he doesn't tell them about it. i don't want to butt into a new relationship and i also don't want to come off patronizing.   i've been wondering if i should talk to him. try to get him to see a therapist. maybe even offering following him to the first appointment?  i feel this is something his so should do though. not me.  is being his friend the best solution right now? he doesn\u2019t want to be with me as anything but a friend, and even if he did i don\u2019t think i could forgive him for the things he did. but i do still love him. and he says he still loves me \u2013 which to me just sounds like this could get terribly messy and might just make things worse.  but for the moment being, could he really just need a friend? should i nudge him to get some help or just listen to what he has to say instead of pushing to hard? i\u2019ve let him know he can always talk to me if something\u2019s wrong, always. but i don\u2019t know if that\u2019s enough. and i don\u2019t know if this \u201cjust to chat\u201d text was a reach out or merely just a friendly request. i just know i could never forgive myself if something happened to him and i hadn\u2019t done anything\u2026.   ", "answer": "if you're willing to talk to him at all, go with your gut and tell him to get some professional help.  despite your history, you're not equipped to deal with these kinds of symptoms.    regardless of what you decide to do, the best advice i can give is figure out exactly where you stand before you talk to him.  do you want to be in a relationship with him again?  do you want to try to be friends (though i doubt this would be healthy), are you just trying to help him this time then cut ties?    regardless of what you decide, it's your choice.  make sure you state it clearly to him.  he is ultimately responsible for himself.  if anything happened to him, you are not responsible.  please remind yourself of this from time to time.   if it were me in your position, i'd cut ties and try to move on with my life.     [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6vae6v", "comment_id": "6vae6v"}, {"question": "i relapsed on 98 days....", "description": "back in february 17 i had 98 days and drank. i was always so annoyed that i didn't at least last to 100 days.  i mean who does that..... i then spent the next year not being able to string together 10 days.....   anyway i have now reached the 100 day point again. i truly never thought i would get back to this point!! never give up trying people!!!!", "answer": "my useless advice: quit counting.  it's the zen thing to do. counting days only means you can fail. 5372 vs 5389 days is insignificant but today is incredible.   and congrats on 100 todays!! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9gtm84", "comment_id": "9gtm84"}, {"question": "update from previous post", "description": "hey everyone! i posted before about not losing weight on keto and having minimal pcos symptoms. instead of dealing with doctors who keep giving me the run around, i went to a hormone clinic. i got my blood work done and had an extensive hormone panel test. turns out i have low progesterone and low testosterone/high estrogen. but most importantly they found i have hypothyroidism. this explains why i have fatigue, weight gain, inability to lose weight. i was prescribed np thryoid and also metformin. it has been a week today since i started the medicine. i feel so much better already.  keep asking questions and always get a second opinion. i feel like i am finally getting my life back :)", "answer": "good for you. i wish we didn\u2019t have to be our own advocates quite so much with this disease, but here we are. glad you got some more solid answers!!", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "8mtr0t", "comment_id": "8mtr0t"}, {"question": "i miss it", "description": "if you have ever been hospitalized did you miss it when you finally went home?   it's been two months since my hospitalization and i'm starting to miss it. i miss the structured days. i miss not having to think when to get up. i miss not having to remember to take my medication.  i miss not having to take care of myself. i miss being able to sleep all day and it be okay. i miss being separated from the outside world. i miss not having any responsibilities.  i miss my day being planned for me. i just miss it.   does anyone else feel this way? i just need to know.", "answer": "i still miss it, and my last stay was 7 years ago. now i just try to structure my days in a similar way.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "cyxrsk", "comment_id": "cyxrsk"}, {"question": "what are the consequences of being involuntarily hospitalized?", "description": "i recently lost my therapist, who was giving me a discount. now i can't afford the co-pay anymore. she was the only person i've spoken with at length for the last three years or so. i don't have any friends, and my coworkers avoid me.  since then my depression has gotten exponentially worse, and i have a growing tendency to nurture really dark and destructive thoughts whenever i get shunned at work or i'm spending a weekend night at home by myself (i go out, it just never comes to anything). i've been drinking more too, even though my medications are supposed to be so hard on my liver that it's really not a good idea to drink at all. it's just that i don't care.  tl;dr it's not out of the question that i might be forced to go into a hospital soon. what is the professional and financial impact? does it make getting another job harder? will you have certain rights taken away because of your medical history?", "answer": "if you're in the usa, there is no reason or way for your employer (present or future) to know about any of your hospitalizations without your written approval.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rvkqy", "comment_id": "1rvkqy"}, {"question": "sleeping issues", "description": "hi! so recently i've been waking up throughout the night a lot more than i usually do. so for as long as i remember i've usually woken up throughout each night, usually 2-3 times, and usually just to turn over in bed. so usually i'd wake up, turn over, and just fall back asleep.  well recently (past month or so), that number has increased to waking up 8-10 times throughout the night. it usually throws me off because i'll assume it has to be say like, 10 o'clock already but it turns out it's still only 5am. the thing is though, i've also been dreaming a lot more than i used to. in the past, i don't remember actually dreaming too often but recently i've been dreaming almost every night. and usually different dreams every time i wake up and fall back asleep. though usually i don't have issues falling back asleep still, i still feel tired and not well rested every time i wake up.  some other relevant info: i'm usually in bed for 8 hours ish a night every day. i would say sleeping but like i said i wake up a lot during the night.  i'm a 21 year old 5 foot 9 male who weighs roughly 200 pounds. i haven't checked in a while but over the past few years my weight has gone up and down between about 180 and 200.  about a month or so ago (when i started noticing these issues), i had just moved out of my house and into my girlfriend's house. i'm usually a light sleeper so at first i figured i was just getting used to the noises of her house but like i said it's still conflicting me. when we sleep together it gets really bad because i not only wake up when i turn in bed but when she does, but even when i'm just sleeping alone i still wake up a lot.  it's weird because since i'm dreaming i feel like i must be getting deeper sleep, but then since i'm waking up so much i never actually feel rested    tl;dr: i wake up a lot throughout the night and it bothers me.   so yeah, i'm wondering if there's anything i can do, or should do to try and improve my sleep. any advice would be appreciated thanks!", "answer": "sleep is notoriously difficult to manage, and it can change for all sorts of reasons. there's no evidenced long-term sleeping tablet either (and some of them have dependency risks).  best thing to do is to make sure you are doing all the common sense things and give it time.  [better sleep](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6rcepp", "comment_id": "6rcepp"}, {"question": "a reminder regarding the \"cannabis withdrawal\" post in /r/science and sidebar rules...", "description": "it's an interesting article, but just a reminder that we're about our personal experiences and mutual support in quitting, this group isn't about discussing outside science, legal, or other matters.  guideline:  if your post is about your experience with withdrawal symptoms then it's in, if it's about scientific data regarding withdrawal symptoms then we'll leave that to /r/science.  thanks! ", "answer": "i'm not up in arms about your decision, but i disagree. that article isn't political. it's scientific and it's relevant to everyone in this subreddit. what's wrong with posting that info? it validates the struggle we're going through, which is often invalidated by others who view cannabis withdrawal as fiction.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "10kr6v", "comment_id": "10kr6v"}, {"question": "waking up sober feeling incredibly drunk.", "description": "so, i suffer from morbid, vivid and downright scary nightmares. i have been sober now for 32 days and realize that when i drank, that helped suppress the terrible nightmares.   for the last 30 days i have been trapped in sleep, escaping demons, ghost, war, and numerous other near-death experiences that i have been unable to wake myself up.   i slept over 18 hours last night/day and had the worse never-ending nightmare so far. i feel so weak and dizzy and drunk.   did anyone else have terrible nightmares after they quit drinking? ", "answer": "have you seen a specialist in regard to these dreams? do you have the capability to? that'd be where i would start.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1mngax", "comment_id": "1mngax"}, {"question": "20 years and finally ready to stop for good", "description": "first off, props to everyone on this subreddit trying to make a significant change in your life. just reading some of these posts makes me feel better already and i know that you will help me as i hope to help you just by sharing my story.  my first encounter with weed came at a very vulnerable time in my life. family issues, depression, etc. i can still remember like it was yesterday. i was at a family beach trip and about 15 years old. my parents invited a cousin on the trip, who took me for a short walk to the beach. we sat on a log, he pulled out a joint and asked me to try. unfortunately, it was love at first try.  i am now soon to be 35 years old. i am married and have a beautiful 2 and a half year old daughter. as a teenager, i started smoking occasionally, mainly at house parties. over time, i started to want weed to somehow represent who i was to my peers. now that i look back, it gave me a sense of significance and simply seemed to make everyday life easier. i started to realize you can integrate weed smoking with just about any regular activity. a good workout at the gym, going jogging, watching a movie or listening to music, were simply better with that funny numb feeling inside. if i had to go somewhere i didn\u2019t want to go, or be in a situation that wasn\u2019t of my choosing, what better way than to be \u201cpresent\u201d while disconnected from it all. i had an escape and i used it whenever i could. what limited my intake was really just not having enough money to spend on it regularly.    over time, i became more aware of potential dangers and side effects, going through withdrawal whenever i did not smoke. although i stopped praising weed and wanting others to try, i did not do much to help myself. i kept smoking. i was then blessed with what was a pretty good paying job for me and, since i was still single, i began smoking a lot. i would smoke about 5 times a day, wake-n-bake, before bedtime and everything in between. there were nights when i\u2019d have to wake up to smoke and then go back to sleep. i have also had many digestive disorders throughout my life and, of course, weed helped with my symptoms \u2013 for a while. this was enough for me to justify my use even more. i didn\u2019t just like it, i pretty much needed it. please note i have never smoked medical marijuana since i do not live in the us.   though i\u2019ve always been somewhat of an introvert, i now see how i began to distance myself socially more and more and i am certain that weed contributed on a large scale. if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. first off, i do not live in an environment of stoners (except for when i was a teen and in my early twenties when i still had a lot of stoner friends). if i just smoked in my car (which i would do regularly) and got out to, go to the bank or store for example, and happen to run into someone i know or a stranger simply wanted to start a conversation with me, i would avoid conversation at all costs. in part due to plain paranoia, but also because i would either feel i smelt like weed (which was probably true many times) or i would feel my eyes were too red (even after adding eyedrops, again, unnecessary paranoia) or i just wouldn\u2019t care because that person or conversation could be ruining my high. during these scenarios i am in a state of \u201chapiness\u201d that is disconnected from reality and this is the bubble i have chosen for many many years. too many now.  though i graduated from college and managed to get a decent job, get married and have a child, i now suffer from realizing how many years i wasted or at least didn\u2019t make the best of. there are many memories that i cannot recall because my friends tell me i was too high or too wasted that particular day. though these type of stories are fun at times, i wish they were memorable moments that i can cherish rather than a quick time waste that simly allowed me to live the moment, or in most cases, just get by. i now have somewhat of an obsession or \u201cawakening\u201d, if you can call it that, where i feel the need to learn or read something constantly. while this is a very positive thing, the reason behind it is not. i feel a desperation to find myself for the first time in my life, without my life long partner, mary jane.  i had my last smoke last night and today has been hell. foggy \u2013 actually, very foggy, confused, low sense of worth and, of course, very easily irritated. while some of these are the very reason why i started smoking in the first place, there is no doubt that weed has not done one single thing to help me in these areas and has only caused grief to my inner being. it\u2019s time to stop hurting the very person i\u2019m supposed to love the most \u2013 myself.  from what i have read, statistics say that only 1 of 10 adults get addicted to weed and 1 of 6 when they started during early teen years. i feel weak and stuggle trying to understand that i am part of that small percentage. i even have my doubts as to how accurate the stats are but, regardless, this is my reality and i have to accept it and now deal with it.   thank you for taking the time to read my post.  ", "answer": "good for you! it takes a lot of strength to do what you're doing. i wish you the best!", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "72hp38", "comment_id": "72hp38"}, {"question": "f28, professionals' opinions on a note for work?", "description": "in light of recent events, my job at a plant was shut down on thursday. friday night, the gov changed the mandate and we are able to reopen. however, while we fall under the category, our specific function is nonessential (think grocery store vs specialty cheese shop or something). i have spoken to others in my industry, and i believe the change was made because other plants are able to be of assistance to hospitals, doctors, etc. we are not, nor are we necessarily capable of changing tp be of assistance.   i think this is wrong, and we should just close for the two weeks if we aren't going to take any type of precaution to protect the workers.   so, here's my question - i (28f, 170#, 5'10\") have exercise induced asthma that rarely gives me issue, but i have an emergency inhaler. while i understand its a stretch, i firmly believe everyone should be staying the fuck home, and i wonder if it would be appropriate to ask my pcp for a note stating that im \"at risk\" and that i should be home?   i've already tried speaking to my boss, and my coworkers. we're all stuck in corporate hell and people are afraid of losing their jobs, so a \"sick in\" isn't an option, though we tried to get everyone together.   thoughts?   thanks in advance.", "answer": "i don't think there is enough basis in your case for your physician to write such a note.  of course if you are going to work, try to maximize the safety by following advice from who.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fmzbl7", "comment_id": "fmzbl7"}, {"question": "am i in the prodromal phase of schizophrenia?", "description": "17, male, uk, diagnosed gad + ocd, no medications.  no family history of mental health issues  pd = psychotic disorder  dpdr = depersonalisation/derealisation   symptoms:  loud thoughts: when in a highly anxious state, my thoughts can become very loud and fast paced, almost like internal shouting, and can almost feel like they\u2019re going to burst out of my head and i\u2019m going to start hearing them, or that my head is going to explode. as well as regular thoughts, i tend to also replay conversations that i\u2019ve had in the past, or things that i\u2019ve seen on tv, however these always feel like my thoughts, not that of a separate person, are not audible, and never give me commands or engage me in conversation. > week  voices in sounds: ever time i hear any type of background noise, my brain instantly assumes i\u2019m hearing things/voices, and so is constantly trying to decipher words/sentences from random noises, which can make it feel like i\u2019m hearing things, despite never being able to hear anything other than the noise. > week  visual disturbances: at times, normally during a stressful period, i will see little flickers in my vision that disappear within less than a second. it will often be like a small streak of light that moves so fast that i hardly have time to process that it\u2019s happened. > week   depression: recently my mood has decreased and i\u2019ve spent 99% of my time purely focusing on distracting myself from my own thoughts rather than engaging in anything productive or social interactions. > week   nightmares: i have been experiencing very confusing and disturbing nightmares that will stay in my mind for the rest of the day after they have happened. 1 week  2 years ago i spent a period of roughly 6 months smoking weed on occasion. while high, i had a panic attack, and shortly after stopped doing any drugs. about 4 months later i had a close family member pass away, and began to experience panic attacks and dissociation (dpdr) while sober. the severity of my anxiety and dpdr only increased over the coming years, until i eventually left full time education in february due to my inability to cope with it alongside my mental health issues. since november 2018 i have had severe health anxiety, and my \u2018theme\u2019 for this changes every 2-3 months. my themes have been: heart attack, stroke, seizure, and pd\u2019s. my themes will start with a simple worry, and progressively become more and more obsessive, until i get to a point where i am absolutely convinced that the theme is true, and very little can convince me otherwise, even leading to me calling emergency services, as i genuinely believe that there is something seriously wrong with me. for the last 2 months i have been in a theme of worrying about developing a pd, whether that be psychosis, schizophrenia, or bipolar. it started when i was on the phone with a friend and he mentioned about someone he knew that had schizophrenia. shortly after our call i began searching online about pd\u2019s and ended up having a panic attack out of the fear of developing one. for the following month i was in a non stop cycle of constantly checking every little movement in my vision in a hopes to confirm that i was hallucinating and becoming psychotic. this was causing me so much stress that i was persistently vomiting out of pure fear. during this time i was only aware that people with pd\u2019s hallucinated, and so was only looking out for hallucinations rather than worrying about any other symptoms of a pd. after about a month of this cycle i was finally able to calm myself down and not worry about developing a pd. during this period i also experienced none of the so called \u201csymptoms\u201d that i was experiencing during my month of worrying. however, after only a week of not worrying about pd\u2019s, the fears returned and it caused some of the absolute worst anxiety and stress that i have ever experienced in my life. for about 3 days i spent every waking moment in a highly overwhelmed anxious state, as i was certain that i was developing a pd. after the first 3 days, i began to experience the racing/shouting thoughts. it was like all my thoughts were being yelled at me in my head, and even when i did calm down it still felt like my head was completely crowded with a million thoughts all racing around at once. i tried to just shake it off but after only 2 days of these shouting thoughts i was certain that i had a pd. i got a same day doctors appointment with my gp and i told him what was going on and my fear of becoming psychotic. he told me that from the information i had given him, i didn\u2019t show signs of being psychotic, and that the racing thoughts were most likely just a product of my extremely anxious state of mind. when i returned home from the doctors, i tried my best to calm down, and surprisingly the shouting/racing thoughts actually subsided for the most part, as long as i was keeping my mind calm and distracted. however, that afternoon i began to experience the visual disturbances, and although i have experienced these before when in an extremely anxious state, they were still extremely concerning for me and put me back into an anxious state. i am currently able to manage the loud/racing thoughts by keeping myself as calm as possible, however as soon as my anxiety begins to build, they instantly return. at this point in time i am absolutely certain that i am in the prodromal stage of schizophrenia and the thought of having a pd is without a doubt the most harrowing and terrifying reality that i have ever experienced in my life. i am in desperate need of the opinion from a qualified psychiatrist as i won\u2019t be able to see one any time soon.", "answer": "the only way to know with certainty is to either become psychotic or not become psychotic over time, and you can say what this was with the clarity of hindsight. however, from what you describe, i agree with your gp. your experience sounds a lot more like anxiety, and particularly anxiety about becoming psychotic, than a prodrome.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "chb31d", "comment_id": "chb31d"}, {"question": "[serious] need advice on a friend's mental illness.", "description": "hello reddit,  i have a friend who has become hopelessly delusional.  he has become obsessed with conspiracy theories, and it has started to take over his life.  all this started with his disbelief of 9/11 about five years ago, and he's done a lot of \"reading\" on this, and has come to the conclusion it was an inside job.  flowing from that, he has started to branch out into more and more crazy beliefs, such as:  * vaccines not only do not work, they cause autism, asthma and allergies.  in fact, the vaccines are the causes of disease, not the cure. * vaccines are produced by companies run by the illuminati * in fact, the illuminati run the world and just about everything in it (99% of everything, he says). * government agencies such as the cdc are shills for the illuminati * most diseases are man-made, such as aids and cancer * all sources of information are not considered \"proof\" - only what he feels to be true is truth (ie. solipsism) * \"that's what they want you to believe\" is his favorite sentence.  the reason this has even become an issue is that he has an infant son that he refuses to have vaccinated.  i think he can believe whatever he wants - as zany as it is - but now it's starting to affect the life of his son.    i need advice as a friend, namely:  * i'm not familiar with the plethora of mental illnesses.  i would appreciate advice on what reddit thinks is wrong with him (yes, i know you're not all doctors).  * how can i help him see his beliefs are so inconsistent and irrational that they cannot possibly be true? * he denies all forms of fact i deem to be true, and asserts that \"unless i do any research, i can't know it to be fact\".  how can i combat that solipsism mentality?  i appreciate any advice you may be able to provide.  just want to help my bro.", "answer": "diagnosing this guy is completely unhelpful. at best you will just be finding a new, more sophisticated insult to throw at him. all it sounds like so far is that he's making some pretty crazy claims and backing them up with shoddy arguments. not vaccinating his son seems to be the only thing close to an actionable problem, but unfortunately in the us we value individual \"rights\" over communal responsibilities (yes -- vaccination is a public health responsibility) -- it's his \"right\" to not provide his children with preventive health care, provided mom is on board.  first off stop arguing with him logically. if that part seems compromised, why try to employ it to \"solve\" the problem? there is a major misconception with mental illness that if you can just convince someone to see the \"distortions\" in their thinking then they'll get better. this ignores emotional and biological issues. your best bet if you're interested in getting him into treatment is for his family to exert pressure on him to go, even though he's \"right\" about all his theories. he's done nothing sufficient to have him involuntarily admitted to a psych unit, and doing so will only piss him off, and put him away for a weekend. he might be prescribed meds, but will not be forced to take them after he is discharged, and those antipsychotics and mood stabilizers have nasty side effects -- he'll need to be motivated to take them anyway.  i'm sorry your friend is struggling. you seem to be struggling with him. for better or worse, we have a high threshold here for forcing someone into psychiatric treatment. in fact much of our system seems to have evolved to deny such treatment... the best you can do is support his family, and gently urge him to see a professional, emphasizing that his expression of his beliefs (right or wrong) are threatening his relationships. this gentle pressure could help, but be careful -- it could also drive him away. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "20wkk4", "comment_id": "20wkk4"}, {"question": "my girlfriend\u00b4s little sister (4) died today a awful death", "description": "   im sorry for my bad english but i have nobody to talk about this ...  the little sister of my girlfriend died two hours ago and i had to watch it ...   her body parts got demolished by a motocycle chain that flew around from a bike accident.  i babysitted her and we walked into the city and i bought her ice-cream and we stoud at the street to just enjoy the moment as at once and a motocycle crashed near us with 100 km/h into a car ( in a zone with a 20km/h speed limit) and the chain just broke und tored of her head ...  i will never forget this moment when her head hit the ground and her facial expressions ( i cant explain how she watched but it was horror.  i dont know what to do now ... im very close to kill my self.  i cant handle this sh\\*\\*\\*t right now  please guys  can you please comfort me a bit ...  im really sorry for my bad english guys ..... ;(", "answer": "i'm so sorry that you experienced something so traumatic. i would suggest calling a suicide hotline to process this right away, and they can help find resources for you to see a therapist as you are experiencing something so traumatic. it makes sense why you are still shaken up. i am keeping you in my thoughts.", "topic": "whatsbotheringyou", "post_id": "cn96ot", "comment_id": "cn96ot"}, {"question": "my friend is suicidal.", "description": "my friend spent his life as a christian. he's recently lost his faith and he's taking it very hard. myself and a number of his other friends have been at his house for the past 3 days. he has hardly been able to speak. he's sat in his chair wrapped in a blanket weeping.   it's heartbreaking to see him fall apart before our eyes. this guy is a fantastic human being. in fact, i'd go so far as to, ironically, say he's the most christ like individual i've ever met.  he's said that the world he knew is gone and that he doesn't think he can go on.   i've never gone through anything like this and i've never seen a person go from being so serene and composed to being so...so broken.   i think that we are all out of our depth and i could use any advice to help bring my friend out of this.  he's been having suicidal thoughts, not eating, not soeaking, sweating a ton...we're all scared for him", "answer": "get him to a hospital now", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tmmqz", "comment_id": "5tmmqz"}, {"question": "[m19] gf [f18] of two years is still a virgin and say she still needs time, i need help understanding her fears.", "description": "as the title said i've been with my gf for around two years and we haven't had sex yet. i have before with a previous partner, but she hasn't. we've done some very mild hand stuff but none of that has lasted for very long. she feels very self conscious of her body and hasn't let me even get close to seeing her lady bits because she is afraid that it won't be good enough. i have tried to reassure her that she is fine, but she seems to be getting more uncomfortable over time. i am very attracted to her and love her very much, but it has been hard for me as i am a sexual person. i just need advice on how to deal with this situation and how i can better understand what she is feeling.  tl;dr: gf is afraid to have sex and i am having trouble understanding those fears.    p.s.: no history of sexual abuse for either of us, and sorry if this was long it's early in the morning and i can't sleep", "answer": "what do you need to have happen to stay and be happy with her?  it sounds like she is not even interested in sexual pleasure, so we're probably missing part of the story here. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyhkc", "comment_id": "6dyhkc"}, {"question": "vodka or benzos for college presentation ?", "description": "i've got a 20 minutes long presentation on college next month . i tried propranolol (40 mg x3 a day ) and it ain't helped my anxiety .   i never drinked alcohol  or tried clonozepam ( benzo ) before , what should i do ?", "answer": "honestly.  if you want to get better with your social anxiety don't use any of these or any outside substance to cope with your anxiety.  it only makes you become more sensitive to anxiety producing situations in the long run and at worst, can end up leading to an issue with alcohol/drug dependence in the future.     if in the short term you're more concerned about the presentation and are willing to make your anxiety worse in the long-term for a short term gain, that's your choice.  i'd highly advise against the benzos.  taking prescription medication when you never have and it hasn't been okayed by a doctor knowing your medical history has a higher potential of being dangerous or deadly than small amounts of alcohol or marijuana.        ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "93q2dn", "comment_id": "93q2dn"}, {"question": "is this a reason enough to break up with someone?", "description": "i have a boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months. we meet about once every week and he has told me that he loves me. i told him when we began this relationship that i want to take things slow, because when we started dating it was only a month and a half after me and my ex broke up after a three year relationship.  i felt good with my current bf but he told me shortly after we started the relationship that he had been anorexic, but was absolutely and perfectly well now. i had been battling anorexia about 8 months before we began dating so i know how it is.  but i have noticed that he isn't over it, he eats like a little girl, constantly counts calories and it is triggering me, really bad. around other people i don't feel like stopping eating, starving myself for perfection but around him i do.  i have told him about this and that i feel uncomfortable naked around him, because he's so thin and fragile, meanwhile i now have some meat on my bones (130 pounds, he weight much less and is taller.)  he thinks it is only about me being uncomfortable naked, but it is just really hard, and i can't handle with it, i want to focus on my own health, i try to help him, but i only can feel myself getting worse.  there are also other reasons why i want to break up with him. i am moving out of the country in six months or so, to go to uni and then we will break up.   when we have sex it is only he who orgasms, and we never ever cuddle.  he thinks this is a happy,normal relationship(his first) but i know it isn't.  thank you for reading this.  **tldr** well, i feel like my bf for six months is really pushing my anorexic tendancies and that makes me feel really bad, but i do not know if that is a a reason enough to break up with him.   ", "answer": "just want to add another voice to the chorus, from a fellow ed sufferer: break up with this guy. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "p4odj", "comment_id": "p4odj"}, {"question": "does anyone else get the urge to go walk around late at night/into early morning when you know it\u2019s dangerous, especially when sad or anxious?", "description": "whenever i get really sad or anxious i always get the extreme urge to go walk. never fails that it\u2019s 11 pm-3am ish. and i get the urge because i know something bad could happen. anyone else do this? and anyone have tips for fighting that urge? ", "answer": "\"i know it's dangerous...\" \"i do it when i'm sad.\"  please see a mental health specialist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9q13ub", "comment_id": "9q13ub"}, {"question": "doubts about marrying gf in long term relationship. me: 26m, her: 27f", "description": "thanks for taking a look at my post. i have been in a relationship with my girlfriend since we were both 19 years old. we have been living together for the past three years. i am having doubts on whether to propose to her. i am scared of the fear of divorce later on - my worst fear is being a divorced dad who only sees his kids on the weekends. sometimes i feel like i'm not entirely happy in the relationship. we have been through our ups and downs for sure and we rarely argue. i've had concerns in the past and i started getting feelings for another girl, but i realized it was just a feeling i was chasing and not a true relationship. i could tell that my girlfriend really loves me and says that she wants me to propose to her and she is afraid that if i don't make a decision soon she will have to find someone else to have kids with. i'm not sure what to do. i love the feeling that i get when i flirt with other people but i know that it won't be the same as what i have now. i am adventurous and love to do new things and travel, and i am a young professional that works many hours. but lately i haven't been feeling that same excitement that same drive and motivation that i used to feel. i have been dealing with anxiety for a while and have been going to therapy for it, but i cringe at the thought of getting married because i've always had difficulty making decisions and that this decision is permanent. i do not take divorce lightly  and  i feel that  we are obligated to each other in this relationship. i love her but i want to feel that exciting adventurous motivation again that has dwindled away. i have been feeling stuck. what should i do?", "answer": "perhaps she can brought into your therapy to address couple concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pjww5", "comment_id": "5pjww5"}, {"question": "medical records help... baby's blood type...drug test etc", "description": "21yr old female approximately 120lbs approximately 5'5 smoker and obvious drug user no prescribed medication  the stats are of the mother who gave birth...but all my questions are about the baby's health....  i have removed any identifying information (i believe- if i missed any please let me know)  the mother is a+ and if i am reading this right (i honestly don't know), the baby is ab-? am i reading this correctly?  if so, what are the possible blood types of the father?  baby's blood type? mom is a+.. dad would be??? WEBLINK  the second photo is testing of the baby's meconium. i would assume the best results would have been all 0's...but i don't know what these levels mean. i fully admit i have next to no knowledge of drugs and ianad, but the one comes back from google search as pcp!!! i didn't even think that still existed...so maybe it's something else?  this is being done for the welfare of the baby, and see what future problems she may have from the drugs...oh so many questions, so i would appreciate any insight.  edit: adding surrounding pages to the drug panel with identifying information covered/removed  drug tests...pgs 26-2", "answer": "because you cut off the headings we can't tell what the columns are on the meconium drug panel. my guess is that the left is the cutoff for positive and the right is the detected value, so all of the labs on the baby are negative. that would agree with the \"infant uds negative\" line in the report. i wouldn't read anything into having non-zeroes on the right if they're below the cutoff for positive, because the method of detection will quite possibly read non-zeroes into zeroes.  because nothing is said about the baby's blood type in this report, just the mother's, it's possible for the baby and father to have any blood type. if the father isn't a or ab, the baby can't be ab or b, but we don't know.  there's no reason to expect any particular health problems for this baby. thc exposure might not be great, but it's not clearly terrible like alcohol, and we don't really know what it does.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b5tbby", "comment_id": "b5tbby"}, {"question": "i'm 17, 5'10\", and weigh 115 lbs; what are the correct dimensions and height for a noose?", "description": "i'm a junior in high school, about to take my acts in a couple weeks. according to the pretests and teachers and guides, i should get a 31.   but i realized yesterday i'm failing pre-calculus. i've always done really poorly in math classes, but never gone below a c. i'm usually a straight a student.  well, then my mom found out and shit hit the fan.  my life is suffocating me. as the inhabitant of a small southern town and a liberal atheist, i don't fit in. i'm told i'm handsome by a lot of people, girls flirt with me, but i really think i'm ugly. apparently, i'm intelligent. as you can tell from my body metrics, i'm very lithe, but people say i wear it well.   i've always had really low self-esteem. i've always, even as a young child, told myself i was worthless. i lived my first months in a homeless shelter, because my parents were too proud to live with their parents. my parents were both 19 when i was born. neither finished high school. never married, and separated when i was three. me and my mom lived together in a small apartment without a car or anything.   when i turned six, we moved in with my grandma for a year. then my mom bought a small house. later that year, she started seeing my future stepdad, who she went to high school with. he seemed nice. they got married, and it was great. then he got in a car crash and it rattled him. they've had two kids since then. i love them. but my stepdad exists only to bring in money through manual labor and hold it over everyone's head while mom finishes college.   every night, there is screaming and crying and fighting. and every night, my neighbor, a socialite at school, hears this. everyone knows why i'm so glacial. i cut out my emotions to try and survive the crushing sadness of watching my mom stream tears regularly because this damaged bastard won't spare any kindness. i only feel hatred and sadness and faked happiness.   where has my dad been? he hooked up with my psychotic stepmom and they had twin girls. from ages 6-15 i went there every wednesday night and every other weekend, and i hated it. i love my dad. for all his flaws, he can be a great guy. but my stepmom made sure we never got to spend time together. i love my twin sisters. but when i realized dad was taking my money from the wallet and bank, then stole my laptop he got me for christmas, i just stopped going. quit cold turkey.  my mom is terrible. all she does is yell. she is borderline bipolar. when she gets mad about every little thing, she gets to the point of opening and slamming doors, banging her fists on the walls, spasms and screaming. she takes a lot out on me. i mostly stay in my room to get away from it all. isolated.   i've been severely depressed for years, and took zoloft for awhile. i don't let on how i feel, because i don't want to make anyone's life even more stressful. not even my closest friends know how dark and ill i've become. there is no one i can talk to.  now life is caving in around me. i keep getting told how my life is ruined, i'll never get into college. i tell myself there's a rabbit hole i can hop through and never deal with it again.", "answer": ">there is no one i can talk to.  while this might be true at home, you've got a whole community of people who would love to talk to you here on reddit.  i know that things suck right now, but if you really have that good of grades and do well on the act then even with a poor grade in precal you shouldn't have any trouble getting into a good university.  so, if you can tough it out for one more year your whole life will be different.   ", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "bj5de", "comment_id": "bj5de"}, {"question": "my fianc\u00e9 has explosive anger and calls me names", "description": "i have been with my fianc\u00e9 for a total of 7 years, and we have been engaged for 3. we have been living together for the past 2 years in a small (but lovely and modern) flat.  for the past 9 months i've really been noticing his anger issues. he cannot control his outbursts.  for example, this morning my partner (at 6.30am) was cleaning the kitchen before work. he asked if i could get his work stuff ready which i felt fine about. he asked me to help him - not a problem but i have epilepsy so i am very drowsy and uncoordinated and can be a bit slow in the morning.  he asked me to pass the extension lead. i got confused as i thought the vacuum was plugged somewhere else. it was an explosive reaction to just my confusion.  he said : 'for fucks sake i'll do it myself, i don't know how you fucking breathe by yourself. fucking idiot.'  i'm not great at arguments. i find confrontation awful due to emotional abuse from my parents throughout my childhood.  so, i just went to the bedroom without saying anything and just got in bed. after 10 minutes of hearing him cuss about how he hates this flat (don't know why i love it) he comes in the bedroom and asks where his work stuff is. i said i don't know. so he then called me a cunt, left the room and slammed the door, and was cussing that i wasn't helping i could hear him muttering in the living room.  then he left for work without saying good bye.  i don't really know what to do. i don't know if i'm being too sensitive but when he is like this i get really down and i can't really get on with my day. 80% of the time he is okay and funny and he cares for me when i have seizures. and i love him. but i just feel so put down all the time.  tl:dr: been with fianc\u00e9 for 7 years. he calls me names - don't know what to do.  ", "answer": "end it if she doesn't get help and get cured", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g74kc", "comment_id": "6g74kc"}, {"question": "do therapist love their clients?", "description": "i\u2019m afraid to tell my therapist that i care about her a lot because she might not have those same feelings. i\u2019m not talking about sexually by the way.", "answer": "love is not a word i would ever use to describe a client. i care for them, and many i would likely have enjoyed a friendship with if we had met under different circumstances, but because a boundary exists i stop short of anything outside of a helping relationship.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwja2w", "comment_id": "bwja2w"}, {"question": "asked a girl out for coffee and she said yes - what now?", "description": "so this could easily be a celebratory post about how i worked up the courage to ask a girl out that i liked and i'm so proud of myself, bla bla bla. but the thing is that while i am proud of myself for asking, i'm kind of freaking out because i don't know what to do next. i'm going to be honest, i kind of assumed she would say no and i could just be happy i asked, since regret is more difficult than rejection. but she said yes, so now i actually have to do more. she told me to message her on facebook to figure out a time that works for both of us.     i'm 20 and she's a few years older, which kind of scares me because it means she almost certainly has more dating (and life) experience than i do. at the same time, maybe that's alright because she knows i'm younger and will be more understanding of the mistakes i'm bound to make. basically i've never been on a date before, and i have little idea how to move forward. anyone have any sort of basic guide on how people in their early 20s go on a coffee date?", "answer": "talk, have fun, joke around.  if this is your first date with her, use it as an opportunity to get to know more about her and see if she seems like somebody you'd like to keep dating or possibly be in a relationship with in the future (if that's your goal).     in my experience at least, coffee dates on their own rarely lead to sex (if that's the primary goal).  have a plan for if things go well and a plan for if things don't go well.     if things are going well, have a plan to either invite her to a party or event happening that night/weekend or in the future.  hell, even if you have to make one up then invite your friends later if you have nothing on your calendar (although if you have to do that i wouldn't make it night of).     if things don't go well, either you decide that there's something off with her and you want to get out of there or if she really doesn't seem all that into you, set an alarm on your phone for an hour after you're supposed to meet.  if things are going well, just turn it off, say that was a mistake, if things aren't just say oh, that was to remind me to make sure i'm not late for...\u2026(important thing you have to do that's time sensitive).", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "egboku", "comment_id": "egboku"}, {"question": "i'm [23/f] whose relationship is unhealthy and verge of ending with my fianc\u00e9 whose in med school[24/m], advice proceeding forward please", "description": "my fianc\u00e9 and i have been together for 7 years on and off a lot. this past summer he went to backpacking abroad for a month and the next day upon his return our engagement party was scheduled. during that trip, my female friend informed me that people noticed how he goes out of his way to be friends with girls, is overly friendly, flirty and never tells anyone about me. on his trip he grinded with someone else and was not planning to telling me, i heard from a friend that was there. i am conservative and he knows stuff like that i'm not okay with. i wanted to call off engagement because all of this was news to me. he came home and promised to make a lot of changes because no way i wanted to marry a guy that flirts with the line. so we got engaged at end of july. in a way getting engaged when you don't trust your so isn't ok. but i am asian and reputation is a huge thing and my parents wouldnt let me call it off. i became pretty depressed and lost all my confidence, ended up affecting my academic life. he started medical school a month ago, not to mention he is very handsome, much better looking then me. my friend who goes to the same med school said how she only saw him hanging out with girls. he did introduce me to 2 of them but i assumed their friends like talked for a few minutes not spend hours together. i feel like he doesn't take me seriously and shrugs off whats important to me. i don't care he has female friends, i care about being 2 faced and breaking promises. he is very confident and made these promises and started to break them. its making me lose my mind. he said i am making his life hell. i am not upset he has female friends, i am upset he's someone who can't keep his word which makes him unreliable. i work really hard on this relationship and do everything a guy could possibly want and expect from his girl. when we are good we are really happy and when shit happens we just want to break up. theres no balance. i don't know what to do anymore, i feel  needy, codependent and scared to get cheated on. what should i do?", "answer": "impossible to be in a relationship with a deceptive person. if you want to stay with him, insist on counseling together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zcoga", "comment_id": "6zcoga"}, {"question": "seronegative infection or late seroconverter?", "description": "i'm male 31. 70kg weight. 5.5 height. i got exposure to hiv positive blood. i have all hiv symptoms. extreme fatigue, weakness. i had stomach problems and fever after 2 weeks of exposure. i also had one swollen looking lymph node. but my three month and five month test was negative. my five month hiv 1 pcr was also undetectable.i'm afraid that i might had seronegative infection. or different strain etc. this fatigue is unbearable now. i'm too tired and sleepy all the time . i'm on bed all the time now.", "answer": "hiv is usually asymptomatic a few months in. the more likely possibility is that you don't have hiv and may have another infection. ebv (mono), for example, or anything else that could cause nonspecific symptoms.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dri3ep", "comment_id": "dri3ep"}, {"question": "is it ethical for a therapist to refuse my call during a paid for session?", "description": "hi all,   i have therapy twice weekly, and the particular session in question was early monday morning.  the sessions have been useful in producing feelings other than frustration at the lack of efficacy i have found in other treatments. the therapist and i have a good relationship.   late sunday evening, i was experiencing severe suicidal ideation, but held on until the next morning to discuss it. a reliable indicator that i am doing badly is sleeping through my alarm, which i did. i woke up an hour and a quarter before the session, but as the place we meet is in a location difficult to reach by public transport, i calculated that i would barely have 10 minutes of the session left if i set off then. i texted them to keep them abreast of the situation, and that i would call instead. it was an exceptional situation, but this seemed like the next best thing.   however, they replied saying that conducting sessions in the same place was important, and that they would not take a call. to be honest, this made me furious, not only because the fee is expensive, but especially as i was in severe distress, and they refused to discuss anything, or offer any kind of advice. i understand that consistency is very much preferable, but i can't help seeing it as them failing me when i was in dire need, and that i have a legitimate grievance here.   what is your take on this?", "answer": "a few things here, but first no, there was nothing unethical of what your therapist did. i know that's not the answer you're looking for but phone therapy is not an obligation or even recommended. i'm sure you're thinking \"that's my normal scheduled session so that time is mine, i know my therapist isn't doing anything\" but that's really not how it works and is also not fair. talking on the phone is in no way or form an adaquate replacement for a therapy session.   in regards to the other comment, the likelihood of the fee being more than the session is highly unlikely, and would not be a typical motivator. in fact there are more ethical issues with wanting to discuss your suicidal ideation on the phone, which is probably the primary reason why your therapist avoided discussing this on the phone in the first place. this doesn't even include all the things that are missed over the phone: body language, facial expressions, and overall physical cues that therapists (are supposed to) notice and analyze.   given your suicidal ideation with the unknown fact if your state is a mandatory reporting state, i'm going to assume it is. say you were feeling a significant level of suicidal ideation and had a plan, access and overall high level of intent. once you admit that to your therapist, the laws protecting confidentiality go out the window and you could be emergency petitioned into a hospital to protect yourself or have an emergency psychiatric evaluation. now if this occurs in person this is a fairly simple thing to do. cops are called, you two wait and then you're escorted to the hospital and the hospital takes over from there. but now let's say you're on the phone with your therapist. he/she has no ability to know where you are, and is also now ethically responsible for your well being and safety. if you're halfway across the state, or somewhere inaccessible, that makes it significantly more difficult to handle the situation to a degree that would be considered appropriate by our boards standards.  if it was a truly exceptional situation and you needed to see your therapist, the best thing to do is to try to schedule a make up session and verbalize the importance. either later in the day or the next day. if it was so urgent that you needed to talk to your therapist asap, that would also indicate that a crisis line or a 911 call would also be sufficient. i'm unsure if your therapist indicated these other options to you, but it's good for you to know your other available options.  if you do continue therapy with this therapist i would bring up this issue in the next session. if you don't trust your therapist fully, that damages the therapy process as you won't feel the necessary transparency and desire for honesty to help your overall presenting concerns.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb11wa", "comment_id": "bb11wa"}, {"question": "i miss being homeless", "description": "okay. this sounds really, really fucking stupid, and i\u2019m probably a horrible, dumb person for saying this, but, fuck it i guess.  i\u2019ve had a shitty life. i never met my dad, and my mom died when i was 9 years old. my stepdad started using drugs to cope and ended up in the wrong crowd, so i had to move in with my grandparents, who i later found out severely emotionally abused my mother and manipulated her will to entrap me. keep in mind, they got me, a 9 year old, to sign legal documents under duress by saying \u201cno one else cared about me\u201d and \u201cthis is what mommy wanted.\u201d  i proceeded to suffer horrific emotional abuse and a good bit of physical abuse (punching, kicking, being dragged out of bed and beaten in the middle of the night) until i was 19 years old. that was the first time i attempted to move out. i was in college. i made friends with the wrong people, and they stole everything i had.  i tried again less than a year later, as my stepdad had gotten clean and promised he\u2019d try to help me. it didn\u2019t work out either, but something good came out of it- we repaired our relationship, and i see him regularly. i even go to my stepfamily\u2019s christmas and am recognized as \u2018dave and amber\u2019s son\u201d instead of  \u201ccraig and teddie\u2019s grandson.\u201d  i tried to move out again recently, i met some friends through discord who offered to help me out. i went from louisiana to ohio, lived there for about a month. it was wonderful, but things didn\u2019t go as planned. i was still depressed. i couldn\u2019t find housing or a job, and i felt like a burden on my friend and his family, who\u2019d been nothing but kind to me- they fed me, washed my clothes, gave me a whole room to myself, hell, they even took me to an irish festival and paid for anything i asked.   so i attempted suicide.  one hospital bill that i only just paid off later, my friend\u2019s family was worried that i was beyond their ability to help me. i decided i needed to leave. i don\u2019t blame them, they\u2019re wonderful people, and i\u2019ll cherish the memories i have of my time with them until the day i die.  i had one other friend willing to take me in, in oregon. things were going great this time- he was looking to move out, he had trusted friends who were looking at apartments with him, and i was able to find a job after just one week. sure, i had to rely on the kindness of others a little bit, as my money was running out, but i never asked for anything. i only took what was offered, and i didn\u2019t beg. matter of pride for me.  but then his friends bailed. i don\u2019t know why. i don\u2019t care. i don\u2019t hate them for it, but it was at that point that i realized i wasn\u2019t going to get a home yet.  so, i lived on the streets of portland for a month. got involved with an \u2018abolish ice\u2019 protest and a loose affiliation of fash-bashers who, surprisingly, took my southern background and formerly-hard right-wing status in stride, and helped me find soup kitchens and night housing. i bought a guy a guitar and i got a pair of drumsticks, and made a bit of money busking in the 5th to 10th street area (the richer side of portland iirc).  the problem was, it wasn\u2019t enough money, so i went to go pull my mom\u2019s inheritance out of her trust fund.  my grandfather called me, and told me if i didn\u2019t come home, he\u2019d liquidate the assets, and i would never see that money again.  the next three days were a somber affair, as i realized i had to go home. my newfound friends showed more love and care for me than anyone else in my life ever had. one of the staff at the youth center i hung out at took me to play soccer and did his best to encourage me. the night shelter i stayed at got me a cake that i shared with the few people in shelter that night. a friend of mine used what little money he\u2019d scraped up for cigarettes to buy me a mcmuffin.   and then i came home. although my grandparents aren\u2019t stupid enough to hit me again, they\u2019ve found other ways to hurt me. my mental state is in the shit, as are my finances. i have a job, but it doesn\u2019t really make me feel any better (which pissed my family right the fuck off- \u201chaving a job should make you happy, something\u2019s wrong with you\u201d). the friends that promised they\u2019d be here for me when i got back are only available once in a blue moon, and while i understand that they\u2019re busy, i can\u2019t do this on my own.   i want to leave again. but i\u2019ve got nowhere left to run. my car will only get me out of the south, at best. i\u2019m 20 years old. i should be halfway through college right now. i should have a girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe a husband/wife if they were the right person. i should be in therapy. but i\u2019m not. and i don\u2019t know what to do.  i\u2019m gonna cap this off with something that aforementioned social worker told me, just hours before i left, after i told him about my situation.  \u201c<anon>, just because they put food in your stomach and your ass in a bed doesn\u2019t mean you were home. you had **a** home. i\u2019ve been there, too. find your home. maybe it\u2019s here, maybe it\u2019s elsewhere, but find your home. you\u2019ll be happier there.\u201d ", "answer": "dude social workers aren't just for the homeless.  you could start seeing one again, we are awesome!  handy little trick... some of us specialize into therapy.  so if you start that therapy process, you can find one who will help you with more concrete problems.  just talk to your doctor and let them know you prefer a social worker instead of a classically trained psychologist.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "a0j58d", "comment_id": "a0j58d"}, {"question": "i think the therapist i planned to work with ghosted me - what do i do?", "description": "a few months ago i was shopping around for a therapist when i met with one that i connected with and was very excited to work with. unfortunately some financial issues came up so i let her know that i wouldn't be able to start as soon as i'd like however i'd reach out as soon as i'm in a good place financially. fast forward to two weeks ago, when i reached out to let her know that i'm ready if she has any openings. she sent me her availability, i confirmed the date i was available, and i haven't heard from her since. i even followed up again a few days ago to no response. i'm so bummed because i have been so eager to start this work and finally get the support i need. wondering if i should give her the benefit of the doubt especially with everything else going on in the world right now and continue waiting for a response or if i should let it go and find a new therapist.  edit added clarification", "answer": "i agree with the idea of giving her the benefit of the doubt and staying open to other therapists .  everyone i know is slammed right now.  people are seeking therapy like never before,  and adjusting to the new demands of telehealth is a big adjustment.  even those who use it regularly are struggling to keep up with the new demand .  many therapists are also struggling with other stressors.  closed schools and daycares,  partners unable to work , etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "firdkm", "comment_id": "firdkm"}, {"question": "bipolar on the depressive side?", "description": "i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar and i feel like everyone around me that also have bipolar tend to have more manic episodes than depressive. since you only need to have 1 manic episode to be diagnosed + mixed episodes are a thing i figure there must be other's out there that experience it more in the way that i do (mostly depressive episodes) and i would like to hear about your experiences if you'd be willing to share. (:   i do have highs and lows but i definitely feel that my manic episodes have been somewhat spaced out compared to me feeling mostly depressed. i'm in therapy but i'm afraid to start medication and coping can get hard so any advice/different perspectives would be appreciated!", "answer": "lots have more of a depressive picture. lamotrigine tends to be more beneficial in these situations.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dabf4z", "comment_id": "dabf4z"}, {"question": "i'm three years self harm free tonight!", "description": "i got drunk to celebrate, fuck u bpd!!   edit: thanks for all the love everyone i cant respond to u all but it means sm", "answer": "you're awesome! any tips on other ways to validate, soothe and handle super strong emotions?", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "cdankp", "comment_id": "cdankp"}, {"question": "how i keep my hands from drying out after washing them 20+ times a day", "description": "like many people on this subreddit, you probably over-wash your hands from contamination worries. my hands used to get dry and bleeding from cracked skin. i started using a stronger hand lotion along with eczema gloves at night. i then use a light-weight lotion during the day that isn't too greasy. there are many brands but this is what i personally use.  night  -aquaphor: provides a thick healing barrier that works great but can get on other things as it doesn't dry well. some type of ezcema glove worn on your hands at night prevents this and helps rehydrate the skin. here are some links to these items.  WEBLINK  WEBLINK  day  -aveeno intense moisture repair cream or aveeno eczema moisturizing cream. both products dry quickly and aren't greasy.  WEBLINK  WEBLINK", "answer": "those are good. i also like o keefes working hands cream.", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "b6l3o5", "comment_id": "b6l3o5"}, {"question": "lead poisoning?", "description": "some information:  14 years old   no current medical conditions   133 pounds   duration of complaint: today   hello guys. i have something that i am rather concerned about. i was handling some pellets earlier while shooting an air rifle, and noticed that i had black lead dust all over my index, middle, and ring finger. i thoroughly washed my hands but still saw a faint amount of lead dust on my fingers. not thinking much about it, i ate something and licked the fingers in question, and didn't see the lead dust. should i be concerned about lead poisoning? i have a doctor's checkup monday, should i bring it up? ", "answer": "you can mention it - but poisoning tends to occur in those with chronic exposure to the offending material. assuming you have no symptoms, im sure you'll be fine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5xkcq2", "comment_id": "5xkcq2"}, {"question": "[24/m] don't know if i should stay with my girlfriend (23/f) after some life changing events when we have different life plans/personalities.", "description": "hi all, i really hate to do this, but i really need some advice right now and most of my friends are equally as close with my girlfriend as they are with me.  to begin, my girlfriend and i have been seeing each other for nearly 5 years now, on and off. every time we've taken a break, i've been the one to initiate it. we met in high school, dated throughout college, and moved in together right after graduation to oregon.  living together was great. in a lot of ways we balanced each other out, i'm very sporadic, she's very organized. we would hang out most weekdays and weekends, smoking weed, maybe drinking a couple of beers watching tv or whatever. sometimes we'd go out, do stuff outdoors, etc.  it was comfortable, but somewhat boring. i found myself constantly daydreaming about moving abroad, doing something crazy, whatever.  fast forward a year and a half and my dad dies very suddenly. him and i were super close, talking a couple of times a week, making each other crack up, etc. obviously, i was quite shaken up and probably will be for years to come. after all the ceremonies, a couple of weeks with my mom and brother, i moved back in with my girlfriend.  at this point, things were going just about as well as possible after the loss of a close love one. my girlfriend was very supportive as was my manager. things kind of went back to normal, when out of nowhere the company i was working had to do massive layoffs. i knew exactly what was coming when my manager called me in to let me go.  getting let go sucked, but i tried to see the positive in the situation by letting myself relax for a bit. while my girlfriend went to work, i sat at home, played video games and smoked weed. it was nice, but after about a week and a half i was incredibly bored. i started looking for jobs and realized how little i wanted to commit living in the city that i was in. on a whim, i applied to an internship abroad and got a couple of days later.  i moved using money from my dad's life insurance and that's where i am now. i'm happier than ever, but in a lot of ways more confused than ever. i realized after about a month of living here that i don't miss my girlfriend at all. i know she misses me because she consistently skypes me crying and messages me talking about how she needs me home, etc. i feel terrible about it. she's a great person, i love her, honestly but i barely think about her. i know it sounds horrible, but i've been having so much fun, feeling closer to myself than ever. interacting with her feels more like a burden than something to look forward to.  i have a month left in the program, but feel like i need to live here full time once i figure out my visa stuff. i can't imagine moving back home with her, not because it is bad or anything, just because it sounds so boring. i don't know what to do about this and i need your advice. please let me know if you have any questions and thanks in advance.", "answer": "seems like the distance gave you pause for reflection, and it seems you've moved on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67isw8", "comment_id": "67isw8"}, {"question": "so tired of add flare ups/the cycle! help? but there is no help", "description": "i do so well for a week, maybe two. and then i get a flare up, or hit a low point in the cycle, i don't know. two weeks of absolute shit. really hoping my utter despair yet desire to post this means i'm at rock bottom & am on the way up. i would never but i do understand why people with add would want to off themselves...it's torture that (i feel like) i'm doing *to myself on purpose* (i know that's not strictly accurate), and it'll keep happening every two weeks or so forever and ever. and the \"flare ups\" are long enough that it sets back all my progress. so it's like i've just been jogging in place, going nowhere. failing myself and everyone who counts on me over and over and over and it'll never stop.   i want to say \"help! help me fix this!\" but there is no help is there, this is just how it is", "answer": "i too get those flare ups in sometimes the same cycle period.  just depends on what is going on around me. i am curious about what the flare up looks like when it starts to turn for you? ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "60nht4", "comment_id": "60nht4"}, {"question": "concerned for my son", "description": "i fear that with the news stories of elliot rodger having asperger's that my son will be looked at differently. my son is a gentle and loving boy whose therapists have said has mild asperger's. but he is still on the autism spectrum. he does tend to have meltdowns in public from time to time. but never displays any violent tendencies. he is very loving towards his two sisters as well as the other children in the neighborhood. he has been bullied by one of his \"friends\", but he doesn't want to tell the kid's parents out of fear that his \"friend\" will get in trouble. i realize that my son is going to go through some tough times. i just don't want people to automatically assume that asperger's or autistic people are going to become crazy murderers.", "answer": "it's natural to be concerned but i would make an effort to not make an issue out of it unless the issue becomes specifically relevant to him (like if people are saying things about violence to him directly).  most parents are well intentioned, but in my experience, actions of concerned parents can 'stir the pot' and this can be a greater stress to an aspie kid than an issue that may be a valid concern but is not necessarily relevant to the child's firsthand experiences.   that also brings up the question of whose business it is that he is on the spectrum to begin with.  if people don't know, they likely won't talk to him about it. it won't stop all bullying, but may stop the specific type you discuss here. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26ml8d", "comment_id": "26ml8d"}, {"question": "is it wrongto internet stalk your therapist?", "description": "i saw a post with someone going into details about how they cyber stalked their therapist (nothing illegal) and got a very negative response, with someone saying that their therapist should discontinue, it was a breach in trust, and etc. this made me paranoid bc i did the exact same thing. i googled, facebooked, etc... mine for quite a while. going pretty deep and managing to find quite a bit with little to work with. if she found out do you think she would be upset? should i tell her?", "answer": "as a therapist we know that it's pretty likely that some clients we work with are going to attempt to find out as much about us online as possible, so most of us go to fairly great lengths to keep what we don't want seen off of the internet and keep our social media profiles private.  those of us that are less tech savvy and/or aware don't     i'd say that it's pretty creepy either way when we find out that this happens to us but whether the therapist should or shouldn't discontinue therapy with you has a lot to do with your reasoning for doing this and whether or not you're willing to own up to it and discuss it with them.     i can't tell you whether she'd be upset or not but i do think you should tell her.  if your relationship with your therapist is crossing into a place of obsession or boundary crossing, it's better that it be put out on the table and discussed, as whether you like it or not, they may not be the best therapist to help you with whatever it is you're trying to get help with.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ep8v11", "comment_id": "ep8v11"}, {"question": "i (26m) am in love with (28f). her family hates me. what do i do?", "description": "so i've known this girl for about 3 years. we dated pretty intensely for awhile then things broke off. recently we've gotten back together but apparently someone (close family) found out about us talking. i know this sounds crazy and it kinda is but weird situation. i really like her and i think we go great together but this is something she's starting to feel she can't cope with. what do i do?", "answer": "gonna need to know why they hate you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9aw1ni", "comment_id": "9aw1ni"}, {"question": "help interpreting anti-mullerian hormone (amh) test results", "description": "i am 28, on the oral contraceptive pill (diane) and was diagnosed with pcos years ago. my doctor recently sent me off for an amh to test my egg count after i suggested my partner and i were not in a rush to have children but want to eventually. my result was 43.0 h pmol/l. the desirable range is indicated as 14-30 pmol/l with < 14.0 pmol/l suggestive of reduced ovarian reserve and > 30 pmol/l suggestive of pcos. the test also notes that levels are decreased by oc pill. my question is, does the presence of pcos mean the results are meaningless? or do i have a high egg count? was there any point to having taken [and paid $70 for] this test? ", "answer": "i'm not a doctor but my understanding is that an elevated amh means that your ovaries can be stimulated and that they may be susceptible to hyper stimulation. this will be helpful information for your doctor if you choose to undergo ovarian stimulation, so it wasn't a waste of money. at the least, it confirms that you do not have premature ovarian failure and that you are likely having anovulatory cycles. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3tx28d", "comment_id": "3tx28d"}, {"question": "anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something i either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "it's like i have the thought of doing in my mind and i'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! i now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore.   i think it's partly because i don't want them thinking i did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "i started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now i thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. lol", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "jzpges"}, {"question": "i've heard of getting a second doctor's opinion. what's the probability that if the 1st opinion is incorrect, the 2nd would be? should i get a third?", "description": "general question thinking about those who want another opinion because they feel the first is incorrect or want the most treatment options available.  what is the optimal number of doctor opinions to get in order to minimize the chances of misdiagnosis and maximize the number of treatment options?  *this is a general statistical question; however, i am an asian in my 30's with 100+ food allergies confirmed by two allergists and always wondered what the probability was both were incorrect or that i was missing a potential treatment by not seeing a third doctor. currently, simply taking omeprazole, ondansetron as needed, and avoiding many foods was the option given to me.*", "answer": "it's a copout, but the optimal number of opinions is an \"it depends.\" it depends on how difficult the diagnosis is to make and how much uncertainty there is. that's an important question to ask. it's reasonable if you're dubious to get a second opinion; if someone else doesn't think the diagnosis/treatment is a slam-dunk but the first one was, even if they agree, then there's at least more margin for uncertainty.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "88w8th", "comment_id": "88w8th"}, {"question": "i proposed to my [29m] girlfriend [25f] this past saturday. she confessed to cheating early in our relationship the next day.", "description": "i posted this in r/relationships but they removed it since they said it's more appropriate elsewhere so i'm gonna try here.   i [29f] proposed to my girlfriend [25f] of six years this past weekend. she said yes, and then confessed the next day that she had been unfaithful early in our relationship. she said it was a one night stand with an ex-boyfriend.   i'm hurting bad over it. she said she needed to tell me because she didn't want to bring a secret into our marriage, and wanted me to be able to walk away easily and without the complications of divorce. she said she's wanted to tell me but she didn't want to lose me and knew she wouldn't ever do it again. she said she was young, and didn't think we'd ever even reach this point. (we both had no plan of  ever getting married when we met, but that changed as we got older.)  right now she's staying at her parents and i'm taking sometime to myself. she is without a doubt the woman of my dreams, but i don't know if i can forgive her. all i've pictured since finding out is her being intimate with someone else. i don't want to continue with the relationship and end up with a wife i resent. but at the same time i don't see myself ever falling in love and connecting with anyone they way i do with her. this shit sucks.   tl;dr girlfriend confesses to a one night stand early in relationship after proposal. ", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61caf5", "comment_id": "61caf5"}, {"question": "getting my friend sectioned. what can he take with him?", "description": "i'm looking to go out and buy my friend a few things before he gets sectioned to hopefully ease his time there.  he's into writing and drawing, so i was thinking about getting him a few art supplies, but i don't know what the policy is on pointy objects like pencils.  i'm really not sure if they allow you to bring in anything at all.  i was going to pick up a few graphic novels, too, but will he be able to take them?  will violent themes be an issue?  will i be able to bring board or card games while visiting?    any help would be appreciated.  the websites i've found don't really seem to cover this part.", "answer": "before he gets sectioned? is he not going in voluntarily? how do you know that he will be sectioned?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kauav", "comment_id": "5kauav"}, {"question": "help please: has abusing nitrous oxide permanent damaged my brain?", "description": "my age is: 32 my height is: 168 cm my weight is: 102 kgs not a smoker. quit drinking a month ago.  well 3 and a half weeks ago i made a stupid mistake to try nitrous oxide.  i did about 800 + bulbs with 8.5 g of nitrous per bulb. did heaps of the 800 over mostly 2 weekends with a few sessions during the week days.  about a week and a half ago i noticed that:  my balance is off. people can't tell when they see me but i can tell i am trying harder to balance than usual.   also have a brain fog and often space out or day dream more.  feel mentally exhausted  having trouble doing mental tasks that i could do easily before.  having trouble concentrating  it's been about a week and a half now and i still have these symptoms. things seemed to have improved a bit but not drastically. was wondering if and how long full recovery will take. very scared right now.", "answer": "nitrous oxide can cause brain damage, especially with heavy use.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "gs52z2", "comment_id": "gs52z2"}, {"question": "why do i hold my breath when i cry?", "description": "female, 28, caucasian, non smoker, non drinker, 112lbs and 5ft5  whenever i am very upset i find i have been holding my breath and suddenly will take a gasp of air.   it\u2019s happened in front of other people too in which they\u2019ve told me to breath and rubbed my back.   i don\u2019t realise it\u2019s happening initially and then a minute or so later i realise and breathe.  what might cause this reaction?   thanks ", "answer": "it is common in children, but less so in adults, to hold their breath when in distress. from your story i conclude this has always been the same for you when you cry since childhood? it may be a reflex that in development usually fades, called 'breath holding spell'. i don't think any testing or imaging will reveal why you do this, it's just the way it is for you.  here is a link to a description of breath holding spells in children:   [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)   do you ever faint when holding your breath?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b7q4yr", "comment_id": "b7q4yr"}, {"question": "who should i talk to about being diagnosed?", "description": "i feel really awkward calling it a diagnosis but i thought that would cover what i meant.  i had a bad couple of years at the start of secondary school( got into a couple fights, bullied quite a lot, etc.) and i spent some time with my school's learning support. the word autistic was bounced around a couple times then everything got a lot better from about year 9 onwards and it didn't really come up again. i wasn't sure if it was recorded until recently one of my teachers had his mark system on the board and i saw that next to my name it said \"autism\" under the special needs section.  a couple of the things i do and say make me think that i'm mildly autistic but i've never done tests( are there tests for autism?) to see whether i am or not. i don't feel that it affects my life in any serious way as i'm happy, confident and okay at handling social situations. however, i want to be more aware of where i stand on the autistic spectrum and how this might affect me and others.", "answer": "most communities have autism resources.  it may be a message board or another kind of support group.  i would post a message in/get in touch with one of these asking about reputable psychologists in your area that deals with autism/asperger's.  if you can't find anything like that, you could result to calling at least a few local psychologists asking for the name of someone who deals with asperger's/autism.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "wqbos", "comment_id": "wqbos"}, {"question": "i fear that i may suffer from cannabis induced psychosis", "description": "i'm reading reports and articles on cannabis induced psychos symptoms. they are very similar to normal psychosis. it makes sense. i was always anxious. i started smoking weed a couple years ago, summer before i started college. i started using heavy early on. everyday and sometimes literally all day.   i'm sure it made my anxiety worse. perhaps borderline paranoia. i think my depression has gotten worse.  i haven't smoked weed for almost 2 days. really because i didn't have any extra money. but i bought some more today. i rolled a blunt. i haven't touched it yet but i'm thinking about sneaking out and hitting it a couple times. i have family in for holidays. so i may wait till tonight. hopefully i forget its even out there.  weed cost me a job. it's cost me a lot o money. but i think the damage is worse than i can see on the surface. my best friend told me i'm not the sane person i was before smoking. i'm not as happy. i'm paranoid. i think weed is turning me racist. my best friend is white but i can't help but think he's plotting against me and he hates me for being black. i'm angry. i hate everything and everyone. even my self. i'm using racial slurs (the n word with the hard r) and sometimes i turn into a black militant. i'm going crazy.  i suffered from low self esteem before i started weed but i think it's gotten worse. i've been working out more and i've been told i'm making gains. but when i look in the mirror i just see a fat ugly short guy. no one will find me attractive. not just physically but also because i'm a loser. i live with my mom and currently unemployed. i'm 21 years old and i've dropped out of college twice already. i hate being a disappointment to my mom.   i want to get clean and move across the country. i've always wanted to leave my hometown. i thought i would go to college and get a degree and use that to get a nice job somewhere. but i think weed as made too stupid to get a degree. my plan now is finding a job somewhere maybe arizona and start training to be a professional wrestler. but i have to get my life together. i have to stop smoking weed.  sorry for this rant. i hope the things i mentioned do not offend anyone. i don't think i'm a racist person. i think the weed made my depression worse and now i hate everyone and everything because i see myself as a failure and i'm attacking everyone. i'm pushing people away. ", "answer": "dude, i don't think it's the weed. i think you have some serious depression at the very least that your weed use isn't masking anymore", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "9y08lv", "comment_id": "9y08lv"}, {"question": "should i [21/m] tell her [20/f] i'm not looking for a relationship?", "description": "me and this girl have been hanging out a lot and although we haven't spoke about it, it's pretty obvious this is heading towards a relationship. i want to let her know that i'm genuinely not looking for one before anything gets to serious since i really don't want to lead her on and hurt her feelings. should i tell her as soon as possible or wait?", "answer": "tell her now, you'll be a stand up guy unlike the pigs of the world who use people", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ie1ov", "comment_id": "6ie1ov"}, {"question": "how much can i tell my wife's psychiatrist?", "description": "my wife has suffered from depression for years. the severity fluctuates -- at worst, she's suicidal and has attempted it before. she's headed there again. i've been through these attempts before, and the signs are clear. problem is, she stopped taking her medication about six months ago, and has been lying to her psychiatrist about it. i've been supporting her decision and not ratting her out. but, now that she's sliding down so fast, should i tell him? part of me says yes, because she clearly needs medication, but another part of me knows that if i did that she'd feel so betrayed that she'd become suicidal right now. and by that i mean she'd get a hotel room and kill herself, like she's threatened to do many times before, and not give me the opportunity to intervene like i usually do.  ", "answer": "ultimately, you know the situation, your wife, and her doctor better than any of us. you will have to ultimately use your judgment on what's going to keep her safe and alive.   i would suggest talking to her psychiatrist, if you feel he would e sensitive to your concerns. maybe you two can come up with a plan to help her? either way- he needs to be aware that she is not taking her medicine for him to help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ivnl4", "comment_id": "2ivnl4"}, {"question": "downvotes", "description": "i don't understand people's mass downvotes everywhere else on reddit. nearly every time i post anywhere but here or r/pocketcamp, i end up getting downvotes (it's not like i was being rude or mean; i was \"joining the conversation\" or so i thought) and end up deleting it.   are people just big assholes downvoting for no reason? like, how is that welcoming to other communities? (especially the vegan community; why the mass downvotes for seeking clarification on something?) you're pushing people away from the trolley they seek.   or maybe it's a conspiracy? trolls downvoting en mass to silence the sensitive. (that's literally what's happening in some conspiracy/truther communities; the trolls taking over *to* silence the truth.)  sorry for venting. irl and online i don't often say much, because a lot of times when i open my mouth (or type) i end up being reminded \"oh. right. this is why i'm striving to not talk to anyone but my 4 year old.\" tbh i'm even hesitant to hit post because some mischievous imps may downvote this just to fuck with me some more. it's fine. i'll say it's fine. i already want to go to sleep and never wake up. i hang on, though, for the only person who will miss me.", "answer": "it's hard not to separate it from a personal attack, but it's not a personal attack. it's usually a stranger on the internet who has a different opinion, or is an asshole. neither of which make you awful or bad or less than. never forget that! ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "9rktlx", "comment_id": "9rktlx"}, {"question": "the \u201cborderline\u201d girl", "description": "edit:  to the guys with bpd. please don\u2019t read this as invalidating your experience. this is just a vent/rant from a female perspective. i fully understand that both men and women suffer equally and in unique ways.  love to all\u2764\ufe0f  everyone loves a borderline girl. exciting, adventurous, dramatic, sexual.... until she goes \u201ccrazy\u201d. then she\u2019s not so hot anymore. then she becomes baggage.  a problem they wish would just go away.  and for that borderline girl. when she\u2019s left alone and abandoned, she\u2019s feeling like it\u2019s all her fault. another person has seen her for who she is - although strong, beautiful and exciting she\u2019s a mess. and for some it\u2019s too much of a risk to take. we just want to be loved, for who we truly are , the good and the bad. like everyone else.", "answer": "this ruined garden state for me. i can't watch it now because the dynamic is so sad once you see it.", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "bfvhbd", "comment_id": "bfvhbd"}, {"question": "my son tried to commit suicide", "description": "i guess i just need to vent so here goes.  my son tried to commit suicide yesterday. his mother found him in his room with a cord wrapped around his neck. he was choking himself. thankfully he wasn't hanging from anywhere. 911 was called and they took him to the hospital. thankfully, he is okay.  i am hurt and angry. i am afraid.   he said he didn't want to live anymore because his girlfriend broke up with him. or attempted to rather. he basically pulled the \"if you break up with me i will kill myself\" line. she ended up coming to the hospital to be by his side.  he is currently on a 72 hour hold and we hope he makes the most of his time there. he is on medication for his depression and anxiety. he needs to see a therapist, but how do you get an 18 year old to realize they need help and to get the most out of that help, they need to be willing to open up. opening up means vulnerability. opening up means trusting the person, and he has a lot of trust issues.  i have been a part of his life for the last 3 years. before i came along their lives were chaotic and in upheaval all the time. now with me, they have a calm, peaceful and more importantly, stable life to be a part of. this kid has tested me beyond what i have ever been tested. but i haven't gone anywhere. i have been in the picture, maintaining that stability. i love him like he is my own son.   i am just at a loss as to what i should do. i am doing my best to be supportive, to be there. but i can't stand by and watch him break. how can i get him to realize his life is important, that he matters? that he needs to think about himself & not rely on a woman to make him happy? he has stated that he isn't happy without her. why should she be guilted into staying? that isn't fair to her either.      again, i just needed to vent, so thank you for reading.", "answer": "i'm sorry to hear you had to go through that.  i hope your son does get something out of his time at the hospital but he will really need ongoing care.    if he seems apprehensive or resistant to go going to therapy, i'll tell you the same thing i tell most parents of children they want in therapy or people with spouses they want in therapy but are resistant.  go to therapy yourself, for yourself.  find a therapist you can relate to and feel comfortable with to help you sort out some of your own stuff.  talk about it openly with your family.  let your son see that not only is it okay to go to therapy but that it can be really helpful.    leading by example or modeling is by far the best thing that you can do to encourage someone you love to really give therapy a chance.  aside from the fact that it would probably help you a lot if you can find a therapist you connect with, it works like great reverse psychology.  if you tell him \"you need to do this\" he'll likely rebel.  if you show him \"hey look!  i have this awesome thing that i'm doing.  i really like it and have found it helpful\" there's a good chance he'll want that too.   think little kids and vegetables.  try to force them to eat them and they'll fight you tooth and nail.  show them that you love vegetables (whether it's true or not) and they'll want what you're having.     i hope this helps.  best of luck to you and your family.  stay strong!   [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9fb5zj", "comment_id": "9fb5zj"}, {"question": "my wife is a stripper and confessed prior prostitution", "description": "so i have been happily married with the absolute love of my life. that being said as in any relationship ours has had trials. i would like to think that anyone in a relationship who has to deal with everything that comes along with the other half stripping. this includes spending their time spent  with other men  , dancing, talking, exchanging phone numbers,using their bodies to turn other men on. ( that is to name a few things)  would understand that there is a considerable amount of unusual emotions compared to that of a relationship that consists of two people doing \"regular\" jobs.  now to say that i am completely surprised that there has been more that went on in the past would not be true. however i have been assured  again and again over and over that \"she has not had to do any of the things that some of the girls do\". this being said. she had specifically told me that she has never had sex of any kind for money since shortly after  dating and finding out her career choice of \"dancing\".  i did have doubts but the connection and passion that we've had for each other has been unmatched from any of my experiences  in the past. when she asked me if i would marry her ( not the usual way it goes i know ) i knew the road that i would be facing ahead of me but i embraced the idea because my love for her  was and still is unbelievably strong. i also knew and know that she loves me. i know that her coming straight out and telling me everything during the first month, two, six, even year  would be very unnerving and could pose a  huge risk of losing the connection that we have. i do not blame her for concealing the truth and lying at the time and i commend her  for her honesty at this time. i do not intend on leaving her now or in the future no matter what comes our way we are in this to the end. however after opening up to me about the acts  performed and amount of times they were performed for money...i feel, i guess naturally hurt and of course betrayed by the misconceptions and lies. i do not feel trapped although she did confess that by asking me to marry her, her intention was to not loose me  because she felt that she could not take that chance. i still care/love,  respect her as much now in spite of the prior betrayal. i'm sure because i was privy to the possibilities.  i'm sure i will be getting plenty of suggestions for couples counseling although we do not have the budget for such. before we met  she had been making more than enough money, in fact enough money to do just about anything that comes to mind. since we've met she makes very little money dancing. this leads me to (mostly) believe her when she tells me that since she met me she has not been involved in any prostitution. now i say mostly because of how many other misconceptions due to her lies there have been.\u2026 it puts a lot into question. if you have not lost interest after my rambling and would be so kind as to offer you're opinion on how to work out the knots and understand the emotions that i am experiencing. edit ---(**should i be concerned that she is still making choices to participate in more than dancing?** would i be justified to question her about this?** if so  any recommendations on how to approach this conversation with her**)-- opinions or suggestions professional or not it would be greatly appreciated as i of course cannot speak about this to anybody whom i know and do not have the money for professional counseling. thanks in advance", "answer": "well she should have told you before, but you have to evaluate the present, and if it's been a smooth loving rel.,and you can absorb this revelation, you can move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kbmbq", "comment_id": "5kbmbq"}, {"question": "30m need help with a breakup", "description": "i'm in my first long term relationship (a little under a year). my so  (28f) has been very good to me and i've done my best to do the same but i'm no longer passionate about the relationship whereas she is in love. i feel like staying this long while her feelings/love for me have grown has been a mistake on my part. its tempting to attribute this to my lack of experience with commitment. i care about her very much and i'd appreciate some advice. thanks", "answer": "in long term relationships, intensity reduces. but quality doesn't have to. if you bought a beautiful new car, you'd be insane over it in the beginning, but five years later, you wouldn't be all gaga. but you wouldn't trade it in either if you really enjoyed it.  some people confuse that diminishing of intensity  with falling out of love. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tsgbx", "comment_id": "5tsgbx"}, {"question": "been in a relationship with my [29/m] girlfriend [26/f] for about 8 months and have recently realized she's not as committed as i am. not sure whether to take a step back or to end it. please give advice!", "description": "let me start off by saying that i do have issues with anxiety. i am currently seeing a therapist and am pretty good at controlling my anxiety, but this situation has me very worked up. your feedback would be greatly appreciated.  background: i [29/m] have been seeing my girlfriend [26/f] for about 8 months, though things started to get serious about 4 or 5 months ago (meaning we decided that we wanted to be exclusive). the relationship, overall, has been great. for the most part it's been natural and easy, and relatively drama free compared to my last serious relationship; however, some confusing things have happened recently:  1. she started deleting some pictures of me off of instagram. she untagged herself in some pictures i posted of her on facebook. when asked about these things, she told me that she just periodically deletes pictures.  2. she will make little jokes about our relationship ending. for instance, we talked about buying a tent together. she joked, \"and if anything happens, i'll keep the tent!\" 3. a few times recently, she has invited others along to hang out with us without running it by me first or asking me if i would be okay with it.   we have been able to work through small problems before. this time, though, it's different. when i told her i was confused about why she was doing these things as of late, she got defensive. she said she's tired of me nit-picking everything about her. she said that the last time she has had to deal with this much drama, she was in high school and in her last relationship, she never got into any arguments. i do admit that there are other concerns that i've brought to her attention. but according to her, i'm doing it a lot lately and she feels like she's being badgered. i don't want to badger her at all! but i also don't want to feel afraid to talk to her about concerns that i have.  it also seems that she's not as committed to the relationship. or when it was new and we were just hooking up and it was easy, maybe this is all she's capable of.   a little bit more about her: she's definitely a very independent woman. she's been on her own since 17 years old. she comes from a big family but she lives far away from them and doesn't feel the need to be in touch with them much. she also works a job as a bartender, which is much different than my structured job as a teacher. she has mentioned that she doesn't want to get married or have kids. these are things that i'm not sure i want (though it would be nice to maybe have that option one day), i just want to be with her! i love the girl.   we were talking about ending things recently because she said that she feels like she can't always completely be herself. when she said that, my response was \"no, i don't want that at all. and if you feel that you have to change yourself for me, or you can't completely be yourself, then i think i have to make the decision to let you go because i love you.\" the next day, however, she contacted me and said that she didn't exactly know what happened and she does not want to end it.   i wish she still felt that way. :( the other night, we had some drinks. she told me she feels as though she has to censor herself around me, she feels as though i'm making her feel like a bad person when she can't be natural and make little dark jokes about our relationship ending. i tried explaining to her that she can feel free to make jokes like that, i just don't find it funny. it's not like i get angry and yell at her! in any case, she suggested that we \"slow things down.\" according to her, we're still getting to know each other, and maybe we need to figure out if this is the right fit.  we didn't exactly discuss what slow things down means, but obviously i'm worried. we were out last night at a concert, had a great time together, holding hands and dancing. afterward, she texted me \"glad you were there and thanks for being my dancing partner,\" which to me sounds a little too casual or something. or something like you'd say after a first date.   i feel really anxious and upset over the whole situation. i'm so in love with her. i don't want to end things with her because i'm still clinging on to the thought that if i slowed things down or take a step back, maybe this situation will work itself out. am i naive to believe that we can maybe work through this thing? is my anxiety taking a negative toll on me and the relationship? my therapist even suggested that i not be so hasty in ending things, that i take a step back, give her some space, and see if the relationship is still viable.   what do you think? i really need your advice here.   signed,  an anxious dude", "answer": "make sure she's not committed. if not, then end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6r14an", "comment_id": "6r14an"}, {"question": "help a psychiatrist", "description": "the basics: i am a psychiatrist. i intend to remain one. fundamentally, that probably makes me the enemy to a lot of people here. you can try to convince me that my profession is evil, but i don't think that will be fruitful.  however, even if anti-psychiatry carries the day and psychiatry is dismantled, it's not happening tomorrow. there will continue to be psychiatrists, and i will be among them, continuing to provide care as best i can. your perspectives are valuable to me to try to maximize the good i can do for patients. and if you believe i cannot do good, then at least i can minimize harm.  i work primarily with outpatients, providing medications to many (but not all) and psychotherapy to many (but not all) patients. i also see consults in a medical hospital and, occasionally, provide coverage in an er and on an inpatient psychiatric unit.  and to establish some things: i think there may be a few things that psychiatric units are good for, but there are a whole lot of things that they aren't. i have been thanked for treating someone involuntarily committing someone\u2014twice, i think. [edit: this is not intended to say that units or commitment are good! but for someone, at some time, there was some good. that seems worth identifying and trying to make available.] i've been cursed at far more, and not without reason; psych units are... not ideal. i think commitment has probably done more harm to patients than good, on the balance. but i'm not the owner or clinical director; i can't change laws or rules or procedures except like anyone else, by lobbying and voting.  and for my outpatients, in particular, i'd like your thoughts. none are obligated to come to me, or to take any medication that i (or anyone) recommends. they can lie to me about it, but i ask them to be honest about what they don't take, and at least some are honest with me in saying that they're skipping doses by the day... or month.  but people are coming to me because something bothers them, and i am providing the help that i can. sometimes, based on the evidence of studies and my own limited, anecdotal experience, i think medication will help, and offer it. again, in both studies and experience, sometimes it does. it seems strange to argue that i should stop, or that they are wrong about subjective distress.  are psychiatric diagnoses problematic? absolutely. the dsm was written by committee for a variety of purposes, and it shows. there's fuzziness, and overlap and normal variance. \"depression\" is almost certainly not one neurobiological entity. but in the absence of objective, hard measures, we do the best with what we can to match treatment to problem and provide benefit and relief.  so, antipsychiatry, what words of wisdom do you have for me? at least until i'm abolished, how can i do best?", "answer": "i've wandered way into the weeds of debating and defending all of psychiatry. it's interesting, but it's also bigger than a one-man job.  i'll summarize what practical lessons i've gleaned from this.  1. don't be evil. (in bioethics terms, practice benevolence and nonmalevolence.) 2. involuntary commitment is bad. involuntary treatment generally is bad. 3. consensual psychiatry requires a clear statement of risks. 4. have processes for accessibility and redress of grievances.  all good things to keep in mind, but nothing particularly novel.", "topic": "antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7txyb2", "comment_id": "7txyb2"}, {"question": "if i hear one more person whine about being in the friendzone i'm going to puke", "description": "i'm sorry if this sounds rude but i am so sick of this trend of people crying about it all the effing time! seriously its pathetic... they don't find you sexy or attractive. that's why that's all... cry all you want but its not his or her fault that you don't do it for them... sorry move on... people always know when they put you there and its always awkward when you know someone likes you and won't let it go... life isn't fair... get the hell over it and quit wasting your time. when you post about it the only people who feel sorry for you are just like you. everyone else thinks its pathetic...", "answer": "no no... you don't understand.      if a boy rejects a girl, it's because there's something wrong with her (like she's ugly).  because any normal girl can get a boyfriend/fuckbuddy anytime- so stop whining!       if a girl rejects a boy, it's because she's a bitch.  there's nothing wrong with him, he just got friendzoned.      do you understand yet?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "13tv0k", "comment_id": "13tv0k"}, {"question": "it's march. how do i follow up with my new year resolution?", "description": "i wanted to learn a new skill which will help with my career.  i think it only lasted 2 weeks.  everyday i came home tired and just sat in front of the tv and browse reddit.  in those rare days that i managed to go to the gym i have no energy left.  december will be here before you know it.  what should i do?  ", "answer": "\\-is your work/life balance in order? answer with yes if you come home from work with some energy left to have a private life.  \\-(why) do you really want to improve?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "axft0k", "comment_id": "axft0k"}, {"question": "realy in need of some help", "description": "first some back story, i'm now 28 and she is 39, she lives in ireland and me in the uk (35 minute flight) we met on holiday 4 years ago and hit it off immediately, after 3 years of visiting each other we realised we had fallen in love and decided to try a long distance relationship and for a while everything was good but over the last few weeks i've started feeling that the distance thing isn't working and maybe the age gap is too large (11 years) but she can't move here and i can't realy move there so we are at a stalemate.  fast forward to present day and we went on holiday (back to the place where we first met) and it was amazing, one of the best holidays of my life but afterwards i asked where was it going and what was happening in the future and we both kind of decided to break things off as it's maybe for the best.  thing is that even though i brought it up and thought it was right it's eating me up inside, i find myself crying to myself (something i never do) and thinking about her constantly, i feel i have made the biggest mistake of my life. i miss talking to her every day, i miss the fact that i know i will never see her again (she dosent think we can remain friends) and she just sent me the tickets for a concert we were meant to go to together here where i live and it killed me a little inside. i have never felt this low in my life and really don't know what to do with myself, i feel sick my head is pounding and i really don't know what to do and if i made a mistake, we ended on good terms but it's only been a few days and i miss her so much. it feels like i've not only lost my girlfriend but also my best friend.", "answer": "reconsider. talk to her about reconciling. she seems really special.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zm6mz", "comment_id": "6zm6mz"}, {"question": "can't stop thinking about an angry note left on my door (nsfw content)", "description": "rant incoming. i just can't stop panicking about this.  i recently started seeing someone and (for the first time in a long time) things have been going really well so far. we went out a couple nights ago and then he came back to my apartment and spent the night. in the morning, this note was taped to my door:  \"hello to all occupants,  we all heard your sexual encounter last night/early this morning.  please keep your private time private:  - get a new box spring -- yours is squeaky  - have sex earlier when we are more likely to be cooking dinner, washing clothes, etc. and wouldn't be able to hear you.  - please limit the fake moaning and screaming. we know it wasn't that good.  * loud sex is not appropriate late tuesday nights when we all are trying to sleep in order to work the next day.  thank you!\"  logically, i know this note is unnecessarily harsh for several reasons:  - why tape this to my door to publicly shame me when slipping it under the door would have been just as effective?  - this is the first time i've had sex in my apartment for almost a *year* so it's not like this is some kind of repeated offense.  - i've lived here for 3.5 years and it was not any louder than it's been in the past, but this is the first i'm hearing of it?  - we live in an apartment complex where the walls are real thin. i can try to be quieter but people are gonna hear shit no matter what i do..  - they want me to have sex during the day when people are awake and more likely to hear..?  - y'all, i swear i was not faking. it was just real good sex.  don't get me wrong: i feel terrible if i kept anyone up and i'm trying to figure out how to keep things quieter moving forward. but that's the thing (and the reason why i'm posting here): i haven't been able to stop thinking about it for days. the notes about the bed frame and my noises in particular have me feeling insanely insecure. i wasn't trying to ruin anyone's night - i try really, really hard to be considerate of my neighbors. i was just completely in the moment with this guy who has been wonderful and focused on enjoying my time with him. i know that the next time he's over, i'm not going to be able to get this out of my head and it's going to dampen things for us.  my anxious brain has been in overdrive. i could move the bed to another part of the room, but i don't know where the neighbor who wrote the note lives so where would even be a better spot for them? i can't get a new bed frame so even if i'm silent, will they still get annoyed by the bed and i'll get another note publicly shaming me in the morning? what if they report this to the front office and a note gets added to my records saying there were noise complaints and that makes its way to my next landlord without me getting a chance to explain? do i really sound like i'm faking when i'm not? if i change my habits now, will my partner sense a difference and think i'm faking (which in a sense i would be, because it wouldn't be my natural reaction)? was it really so loud that everyone in my hallway heard or just a next-door neighbor? do they know who i am? is this all they're going to think about me when they see me entering my apartment?  a small part of the non-logical animal portion of my brain is so amped up, i've had thoughts of moving. the logical portion of my brain knows that's ridiculous and it was a one-time thing and i'm not inherently a bad person and it'll be okay. but those portions of my brain are doing a shit job of talking to each other so here i am feeling crazy anxious.  idk why i'm posting this.. i guess just looking for support. it's gotten bad enough that i'm having trouble focusing at work. i know once he comes over again and we're quieter and i don't get another note, i'll be able to relax a little. but this is torture in the meantime. anyway, idk. thanks for listening.", "answer": "this is purely meant to shame you into acting the way they want you to act.     as someone who has personally dealt with a lot of shame throughout my life, i can say one of the biggest areas of growth for me is working to feel that i'm worthy of the space that i take up in the world and it's okay for me to live my life, even if by doing so it inconveniences others.  i'll never ever become the asshole who just does whatever he wants regardless of how other people feel so i'm not concerned i'm going to go too far to the other end of things, but it's taken me a long time to feel okay with the space i take up.     it sounds like you're experiencing something similar here.  so long as you're not breaking any rules you signed off on when entering into your contract for your apartment, you can do whatever you want in the space that you pay for.  if they want you to have a less squeaky bed, tell them you'll get one if they pay for it.  if they want you to change how you act (even when it's in accordance to the rules of your lease) tell them you'll do so, if they pay your rent.     if it were me.... today... versus when i was much worse with my anxiety over upsetting others, i might leave a note on my door stating those things.     complaints against you to the apartment office are not going to make their way to your next landlord unless of course your landlord is looking for past landlords as references (most don't ever do this in my area, they usually just want to verify your income and get a credit report if anything at all).     lastly, you have no idea whether anyone else heard you but your one neighbor.  the note wasn't signed by everyone on your floor.  the use of \"we all...\" was just another attempt to guilt/shame you and control you into doing what they want you do to.  i wouldn't put too much stock into it.      you do you!  you're worthy of the space you take up in the world.  you have just as much right to live your life and do what makes you happy as anyone else.  given that you pay for your apartment, you have every right to do whatever you want there.  so long as it's within accordance to contracts/agreements you've signed and in accordance with the law, nobody has the power to stop you but yourself.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "d6eg50", "comment_id": "d6eg50"}, {"question": "too many dots connected in a single day. thank you r/adhd", "description": "tried writing this 3 times today and always deleted it. but seriously, browsing this sub and watching videos about adhd (the ted talk especially) really opened my eyes. too many titles and stories clicked and i can't ignore it or chalk it up as a coincidence. finally feels like i have a fighting chance instead of feeling like lifelessly drifting through motions. already reached out and will try to start treating adhd asap. thank you for not making me feel like i'm alone in this", "answer": "hey me too! i'm seeing someone on tuesday (was supposed to be friday but realised i had to change it). i'm hoping the time goes fast because i'm really nervous. i'm positive that i have adhd and terrified the psychiatrist will tell me i'm making things up and not help me.   today i had a complete breakdown because i feel so overwhelmed and honestly at a loss what to do anymore. i feel like a failure in every aspect of my life even though i put 110% in. i hope treatment helps because i can't do this much longer. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "aie6r0", "comment_id": "aie6r0"}, {"question": "is hoarding items a common occurrence during post bereavement grief?", "description": "my grandfather recently passed away and has left a lot of items to the rest of the family to sort out. my father was his son and is responsible for some of the house clearing, however, i do not feel he is able to at the moment due to being overwhelmed with grief. he doesn\u2019t show it but it seems to be there. now that he is acting on the will he has bought some stuff home to sort through and potentially sell but i don\u2019t feel he\u2019ll be in the right place to do it. this means that our (once tidy) living room is filled with various items that once belonged to his dad and any time my mother and i try and confront him about it he becomes very defensive. is this common with grief and is there a way we can help him along?", "answer": "well.... time is really the key factor.  how long has it been since his father passed?  if it was in the last couple of weeks, having the stuff in your living room i'd say would be fairly normal for anyone.  he has to take some  time to process his grief before he can decide what he wants to keep and what can be thrown out/donated.  if it's only been a few weeks, i'd expect anyone to become defensive about moving the things or getting rid of them.  if you want to be supportive, i'd recommend learning to cope with the fact that your living room is going to be a bit cluttered until your husband can process some of his grief and sort things out (literally and figuratively).  as he gets closer to doing this, it may be helpful for you to offer to go through some of the things with him, talk about what is meaningful to him and what he can part with.  it may also be helpful to have the family over for a day to pick out some things they would like to keep.  him knowing that the things are in good hands can help with the process.   if it's been months, the behavior isn't so typical.  it's usually a sign that there's something blocking the grieving process and it might be helpful for him to get some professional help with the issue.     in either case, if you don't feel like you'll be able to cope with your cluttered living room, the best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with him about it and work together to find a workable solution for where you can keep the things in your house that will be more out of the way until he can get around to going through them.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cjunxe", "comment_id": "cjunxe"}, {"question": "zoloft, tramadol, and ibuprofen?", "description": "hey all,  - 24  - male  - ~165lbs  - ~6ft  - white  so a few weeks ago my doctor prescribed me with 50mg zoloft to take daily, and 50mg tramadol to take as needed for tension headaches. in the past when my doctor prescribed me tramadol, it didn't do much in helping my headaches unless i took it with two 200mg ibuprofen.  i know tramadol and zoloft together can result in higher serotonin but my doctor said i would be fine taking both since the 50mg zoloft is a lower/average dose.  my question is with the ibuprofen. i took my zoloft around 8am this morning. it is now about 2pm and i have a terrible headache. would i be okay to take the ibuprofen and tramadol? i know that ibuprofen and zoloft together can increase the risk of stomach ulcers/bleeding. i'm just a paranoid person and wanted some opinions beforehand.  thanks!  edit: i also take 10mg ambien at night.", "answer": "as you say, there is theoretical increase in risk with this combination (or any combination, really) but nothing that makes me concerned. i think it would be fine to add ibuprofen. or acetaminophen/paracetamol (tylenol), if that works for your headaches.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8suhlp", "comment_id": "8suhlp"}, {"question": "worsening chest pain for 2 weeks", "description": "19, female, uk. been having wisdom tooth problems lately which means i've been on paracetamol for 4 months (ongoing), was on aspirin and tramadol mix for 3, switched to ibuprofen and tramadol mix but stopped ibuprofen and tram 2 days ago due to stomach issues. thinking gastritis but mainly i don't feel hungry, can't tell when i need a crap, extreme nausea whenever hungry, thinking of food, eating and drinking (even a sip of water makes me wanna hurl), almost vomited yesterday and took me 3 hours to eat 3 slices of toast due to no appetite. i'm rather gassy too. i find eating sweet foods works best, mainly ice cream and yoghurts but i'm unsure all the dairy is best in my condition. thought this may be linked so worth mentioning, though these symptoms appeared 2 days ago, almost 2 weeks later than my chest pains.  due to the wisdom tooth, i've been sleeping on my back, and due to a hip injury that's incredibly painful when i move my lower body, i've hardly been moving. spending lots of time in bed, i can sleep through most of the day because of really bad fatigue, though i wake up every 3-6 hours in pain requiring more painkillers. i really struggle to sleep on my back as i used to always sleep on my right side. sometimes i slept on my left but my stomach was unsettled and i sometimes woke up with mild chest pain, so nowadays i try sleep on my back despite discomfort. i have woken up around 7am a few times and flopped on my left side though, it was a tad more comfy, then woken up later and got angry at myself.  so, the actual pain. i've been having chest pain for 2 weeks, it slowly worsening over time, the past few days has been really bad and the past few hours it's at its worst. i've found neither paracetamol nor ibuprofen helped, i haven't tested in the past few hours. right now i'm laying with my upper back on my pillow, my head propped up with blankets. it's sort of.. hurting alongside my heart beat, like pulsating. moving my arms above my shoulders and too far out cause a sudden surge of pain. as does lifting my head, twisting my upper body or doing any movement really. laying down is slightly less painful than sitting up, sitting up unsupported is pretty painful. pressing down on my chest also hurts it more. even breathing in too heavily hurts. in comparison, the headaches i got from my wisdom tooth, i'd take paracetamol and it'd wear off in 2 hours. right now this chest pain is actually helping me ignore that headache. i've been awake since 2am and i'm very tired but my chest pain is so painful i can't sleep.   i'm sorry for the long post, i wanted to try be thorough. i'd go to the doctors but the risk of hurling is real and i don't want to risk it, i thought it'd be worth a shot here. is it just muscle pain or something? it'd make sense as movements hurt but it's really damn painful for just pulled/strained muscles. i thought the stomach issues may be linked because of my throat and stomach acid, but like i said, this has been around longer.   thank you for reading!  e before posting: i also just farted and peed myself a bit. not much, but i guess i have a weak bladder too? i have this big list of symptoms but last 3 times i went to the doctors they shoved me out. i hope somebody can enlighten me on this issue, i'm desperate for anything lol. thank you so much", "answer": "[chest pain](WEBLINK)  seen your gp about this? could be lots of things, probably nothing sinister.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vowhj", "comment_id": "5vowhj"}, {"question": "should i tell my therapist of my drug use?", "description": "hello everyone. i am a 19y/o in therapy for the second time in my life. i have gad and probably depression, though it comes and goes.  my question is do i tell my therapist about my drug use? i\u2019m not an addict or anything. i have been smoking pot for a few years now, use hydrocodone, oxycodone, adderall, and xanax. i also occasionally use ketamine and ecstasy. it helps me with my anxiety and depression mostly. i also have constant nightmares, so it helps to dope myself up before bed.   i am hesitant to tell my therapist about this. i have only been seeing her for a couple weeks and don\u2019t really know where she stands on drugs. the last therapist i saw (when i was fourteen) blamed all my problems on weed, the only substance i used back then. she said she could not help me until i stopped smoking. i just feel like if i tell my new therapist about this, she\u2019ll connect all my problems to the drugs.  i\u2019m pretty stressed and could use some advice. thank you ~", "answer": "your therapist must keep your drug use confidential. they should be nonjudgmental but also should review the pros and cons with you so you can make an informed decision.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwzsbr", "comment_id": "bwzsbr"}, {"question": "why do i [27m] miss cute things from ex-gf [28f] more than the relationship itself?", "description": "i miss things like watching disney films and giving cuddly toys as gifts. much more than i miss the time spent with her etc. why might this be? some kind of childhood issues? i recall my mom trying to please me with toys when i was a kind then pretending to be pleased so she wouldn't be disappointed...  ​  don't know how to tackle this...", "answer": "those things, out of context, look a lot better than the relationship as a whole. focus on the relationship as a whole and keep moving on. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9s5i4d", "comment_id": "9s5i4d"}, {"question": "dr suspects 10yo has adhd; requested he keep a diary/journal to record symptoms between now and next appointment. what's the most useful type of journal for an adhd kid?", "description": "dr suggested tablet (don't have) or laptop (kid shares the laptop so not the most practical). is an electronic journal better than pen and paper notebook?  also should i request this journaling be allowed to happen at school or just keep it for home? kid will be getting a new teacher soon, not sure who, so that is a bit of an unknown. dr has ordered all the appropriate formal testing but it will take a few months to complete.", "answer": "the less screen time, the better for kids, especially with adhd. maybe get a regular old blank journal but get your kid some fun glitter pens, markers, and stickers to make it more interesting (since he or she will need to be interested in it to keep it up). encourage him or her to write down the information the dr wants, thoughts, feelings, etc. and then get creative with some artwork that reflects some of that. or whatever kind of artwork he or she would like to do.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a79u06", "comment_id": "a79u06"}, {"question": "i think my friend is a sociopath", "description": "so i've been friends with this guy for almost my entire life, we met in first grade and have more or less got along great since then. about 2 months ago, we went out to an event together, and he got belligerently drunk and started screaming obscenities and acting aggressive towards people around us. the cops were called so we left, but on the way to the car he flipped out and told us to fuck off then stormed away. we didn't live near where the event took place, and after calling him for over a half hour, we finally decided to just drive home. two hours later he called me and started bitching me out for leaving him behind, called me every dirty name in the book and said horrible things comparing me to my deadbeat father. he ended by saying we weren't friends anymore and that i could fuck off and die. 20 years we've been friends, and he hasn't said a word to me since that night.  the more i think about this, the more i start to add things up. he's always been emotionally abusive to women, but not up front. after 20 years, i've only seen him lose his cool around me twice, and he made a huge spectacle out of his aggression. he wasn't enjoying a party, so he got up, went to the bathroom and when he came back, started screaming at us and throwing cigarettes at everyone and telling us to \"smoke up\" and that we could all fuck off and do our own thing and that he didn't want to be included. but that was a rare moment. normally, he's a really friendly, nice guy that everyone likes. even for me, it's kind of upsetting to see him do this sudden 180 and be like another person entirely. but it just flashes out. it's this quick burst and then he's patching things up, or acting like nothing happened.  he had a kid and kept it completely under the table, tried to force the girl to have an abortion but she didn't so he convinced her to give it up for adoption. he doesn't tell anyone, he doesn't really seem to care that much about it. he seemed relieved when it was all over. he used to own an animal, and then one day i went over to his apartment and it was gone. i asked him about it and he just laughed and said it ran away. i asked him about it a few times after that and he just shrugged it off.   i really miss my friend, but the more time i spend away from him, the more i think that maybe this isn't the kind of person i should miss. what do you think?", "answer": "at the very least he sounds unstable and dangerous. sounds like someone to avoid imo.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2frs93", "comment_id": "2frs93"}, {"question": "listening to some old presentations i wrote for school, i'm realizing how much people don't realize how stupid weed makes you come across to non-smokers.", "description": "just another one of those \"things\" i've realized forgoing weed for almost 2 months now. my sense of communication is vastly different now, i was studying and needed to listen to an old presentation i made for school and listened to how i spoke when i was high and the stumbling, forgetfulness and general inability to communicate properly even though i had a paper in front of me was ridiculous. i would get locked up for seconds at a time trying to process the words in front of me and it was sad to listen to and the lower than expected grade i had for that class made so much more sense now.   not to mention with the clear head i have now being around people who smoke, i won't judge them by any means whatsoever, but i can't believe how some of the smartest people i know just come across so, so dumb when they're high...like they've resorted to an almost child-like demeanor and it's just weird. i'm also starting to understand why my non-smoker friends just sorta stepped away slowly from me, because when you're high all the time proper communication becomes impossible in it's own way and no-one, except the people you're getting high with, *get it in the same fashion you do because you're both down to the same mental capacity*, even if it's temporary.   just like frank's mom said on blonde on be yourself, which i laughed at till i saw it for myself.  > when people become weed-heads, they become sluggish, lazy, stupid and  unconcerned. sluggish, lazy, stupid, and unconcerned. that's all marijuana does to you, okay?   ​  i'm happy for anyone that feels like they can smoke everyday and it \"doesn't affect them\" but the reality, for most of us is that it's a hindrance to what's real.", "answer": "now i wonder how many people i meet who i think are stupid but they\u2019re actually just stoners. i never realized how much it affected my cognitive processing until i stopped. so much denial", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "fd7yta", "comment_id": "fd7yta"}, {"question": "day 3 im hurting", "description": "sunday the 6th i finally admitted that i have a problem. saturday at 709pm or at least thats when i closed my tab.  in december events out of my control caused me to lose my home. what was in my control was saving money to put towards another apartment however i did not save a dime. i spent almost every penny on rum or beer over the next month. i have been homeless for 8 days now. saturday after i closed my tab i walked to my car reclined the seat and tossed my keys into the passenger seat of the vehicle. at 1030pm the same night i was awoken by the police \"to make sure i was ok and had permission to be on the premises\" following our conversation i was lucky i did not get charged with a dui, trespassing, or vagrancy (an ordinance in our town makes it illegal to sleep anywhere but a home, hotel, campground, or shelter) the officers let me take an uber to my adress on my license. i slept on the beach saturday night. sunday i decided i was done drinking before i either ruined my life or make it far worse. sunday was easy it took me a little longer then usual to fall asleep but nothing to major. yesterday was a little harder made it through work (other then coming in a little hungover my drinking never got in the way of my job) instead of buying a bottle or going to a bar i went to the gym and took a nice 3 hour walk to clear my head. around 11 or so i started to see flashing lights when i closed my eyes. took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. today has been the worst day so far. today i told my boss whats been going on and he told me he backs me 100%. he wanted to get me a hotel room until i saved up enogh money to get back on my feet. i couldn't let him. ive been trying to figure out all day why i declined. i have been going to meetings for the last 2 days they seemed to help a lottle bit but after i left tonight i burst into tears. i spent the last of my money on a hotel room tonight because i knew if i didnt i would be at a bar right now. i dont want to live like this anylonger. ive been scratching my legs raw for the last few hours and im freaking out and have no other outlet right now. thank you.", "answer": "hey, saw this post on new.  you've hit a point in your life where you're allowing change, but it's not easy. everyone always put emphasis on how making a change is all you need but everyone neglects the hard work required to push through.  the scratching is because you've taken away your numbing agent. things will feel harsher or more real for a while but identify the main goals and focus on them first.  like you said, you don't want to continue down this path, and the only way for you to remember that is to keep a clear and sober mind. acknowledge the hardships and remember that it's because you have to rebuild your foundations so that whatever you replace your alcoholism with can have a chance.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ae3pvw", "comment_id": "ae3pvw"}, {"question": "therapists and psychologists....ever feel like you have no idea what you're doing?", "description": "i have always wondered about that. do therapists and people in mental health every feel insecure or helpless? the ones i've seen have always seemed fairly competant but it seems hard to know how to treat everything and everybody that comes into your office. anybody in mental health feel that way? i know as a client i wouldn't be scared if my therapist felt that way. i actually would look at them as human. ", "answer": "yes. sometimes the best answer we can give is \"i don't know.\" there have been times where a patient comes in and i have no idea how to help them. i often get a brief feeling of helplessness when it seems like the patient has given up, or isn't even trying.   like i tell my clients- a feeling is just a feeling. it's neither good, nor bad- it is how we handle it. so i've learned to handle that helplessness feeling by consulting with my colleagues to get good advice on how to handle a situation, or how to help a patient.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "27x1lu", "comment_id": "27x1lu"}, {"question": "me and gf having a \"break\"", "description": "is it ok if i send her happy birthday wishes whilst we are apart ?", "answer": "for me, it all depends on who requested the break. if it was her, no, respect the break...even on her birthday. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "xav91", "comment_id": "xav91"}, {"question": "i made an appointment for therapy but i canceled.", "description": "i was going to go talk to someone at the local university psychological clinic, but i called back and canceled a day later. i just couldn't bring myself to whine to someone half my age about my problems.   and i didn't know what to tell them if they asked me about suicidal thoughts or feelings. truthfully i think about it daily, but i don't want to tell that to someone who could have me locked up.", "answer": "thinking about suicide daily is not grounds for them to call the authorities.  like others have said you have to demonstrate that you are an *immediate* risk.  they might ask you about suicidal thoughts on your first session.  i would be surprised if they didn't.  but if you are honest with them, and you are not threatening to harm yourself they are not going to call the authorities (i.e. \"i think about it a lot, i want some help with that, that's why i am here-because i do not actually want to do it, but i still think about it all the time\").  if you do actually want to harm yourself *now*, then maybe hospitalization would be helpful for you.    also, no matter what you have to say it is not whining.  therapists are there to help with a vast array of problems.  some of those problems are more serious than the ones you have, some of them are less serious than the ones you have.  no matter what you talk about the therapist's job is to be there with you and help you get to a better place.  they are not judging you, or your problems.    i hope that you do make an appointment and follow through with it.  the hardest part really is getting through that first appointment and realizing that a lot of the fears you have about treatment are not reality.  a professional can be so much more helpful for giving personalized care than anonymous people from the internet.  however, if you choose not to make another appointment then please keep talking to us here.  there are a lot of people that care about you, even if you don't care about yourself.  feel free to pm me if you want to talk to someone.    **tl;dr: you have to be in immediate danger of harming yourself or someone else, they cannot lock you up for just thinking about it.  talking about your problems is not whining, that's what therapists are there for.  please keep searching for help, even if you don't get it at the clinic.**  ", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "cw93k", "comment_id": "cw93k"}, {"question": "what's the highest dose the adhd meds that you know someone (or yourself) takes daily?", "description": "i'm just wondering. i take 20mg adderall ir in the morning and 10mg ir in the afternoon and while i don't feel the need to go up anytime soon, i'm wondering if i should even consider taking 30mg in the morning a realistic option for the future :p  remember to mention if your medication is ir or xr, and when you take your doses.  also, here's a cool page i found: WEBLINK", "answer": "i take 40mg adderrall xr. 20mg in morning, 20mg at noon. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "2gjaw8", "comment_id": "2gjaw8"}, {"question": "my sister opened up to me about some possible psychosis, looking for direction.", "description": "hi. recently my sister opened up to me about seeing some spirits chasing eachother. i was very surprised by the conversation, she has had some history with hallucinations, the one or two times that her friends have convinced her to smoke marijuana. she talked to me as if this was something normal to her though, she said they are also in her dreams. i didn't really know what to do, but i just kept her talking about it, i figured i might not be much of a help to her, but i wanted as much info as i could. i really just need to know what would be the best support for her right now, she lives below the poverty line and does not have a good support system around her (my family is very religious and doesn't necessarily believe in mental health). with the pandemic i assume most therapy is online right now? is there somewhere i can point her that would be the most helpful for her to sort out what's going on in that noggin?   i'm in ontario and she is on odsp, so maybe there is a government supported service?", "answer": "i can't diagnose her over reddit , but based on this info , it sounds like it may be cannabis induced psychosis,  rather than a psychiatric disorder .  if this continues , she definitely needs to talk directly to a professional.   WEBLINK", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fuiubj", "comment_id": "fuiubj"}, {"question": "hit two weeks...", "description": "made it two weeks without touching a drop yesterday :) was so proud of myself! have been feeling good and thinking about getting back to training in martial arts.  in fact can't wait to!  then the evening draws in and i find myself at the supermarket, picking up the few usual bits and remembering that it's mothers day on sunday... 'i'll pick her up a bottle of wine' i think.. and find myself with an extra, for me. should i feel bad about this? the wine didn't last two minutes which to me says i'm still not fixed... will i ever be? although i feel sure i can now get through the week without an alcohol crutch, i'm still scared of returning to that mentality of 'drunk is better'.. that one bottle reminded me that in my head i still feel like i function better on alcohol. which isn't the place i want to be in. now need to fight even harder to stay strong for the rest of the weekend!", "answer": "the term 'fixed' within the confines of sobriety is, in my personal opinion, a fallacy. to your question, \"will i ever be?\" my answer to that if you are indeed an alcoholic is, no you will not ever be fixed. our disease is always laying in wait, ready to pounce the second we take the first drink, and it's not just gonna go back to normal if you've been sober for x number of days, it will be the same ugly bastard it was the last time you hit bottom. a man in my home group spent 10 years in prison, and he always says, each day he receives a reprieve from his disease, not unlike that of a death row inmate getting a reprieve from the governor.   just remember that you can do this. it always helps me to look at it as, that first drink is death. it is a serious serious disease, but you can survive it and you can recover.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "19ypn0", "comment_id": "19ypn0"}, {"question": "how long does ssri discontinuation syndrome last ?", "description": "so i've been off my medications for a few weeks now b/c i have no vehicle and no transportation so no way to get to a doctor for appointments etc to get medications.  several weeks later i am still getting the freaking brain zaps. actual mood side effects, none that i can tell (other than being a bit easier for internet trolls to provoke), but it's getting somewhat nuts.  are these something i need to learn to live with, or do i have another several weeks of this before they subside?? admittedly they're not as bad now as they once were (what used to be a discombobulated near-seizure like jolt is now just an annoyance matched with a fraction of a second of blindness).. but it still seems like i've been off of the zoloft for long enough that there shouldn't be any side effects.  to be clear, i didn't just go off cold turkey, either. i was at 200mg, then went down to 100mg, then 50mg, then 25mg.. then finally off. it was a gradual process. i had no noticeable side effects until i got to the 50mg mark, but as i said, i was running out of my medications so i had no choice other than to keep going.  unfortunately, even [wikipedia](WEBLINK) hasn't been terribly helpful in telling me what to expect.  ... now the disclaimers.  i know none of you are doctors. i am not seeking medical advice, merely personal anecdotes and stories.  edit: coincidentally, i threw my back out the day after posting this, and the muscle relaxers+pain killers got rid of the zaps completely. even now that i'm not on the painkillers anymore (ran out, back still hurts, boo) and only take the muscle relaxers at bedtime (flexeril really puts you to sleep!), no moar brain zaps.  so, got my answer, but leaving the post up in case someone searches and has a similar problem. ^^", "answer": "experienced it. if you are feeling the symptoms to the point of is obstructing your life/intense symptoms, you need to taper off more slowly. you might need to be at one dose for weeks, even a month before lowering it even another 5mg. don't rush it.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wzj6j", "comment_id": "wzj6j"}, {"question": "advice on early childhood experience", "description": "i know a lot of children explore their bodies and sometimes do so with friends, but i have a memory from kindergarten that has stuck with me throughout the years. as someone who's experienced sexual assault on different occasions, i'm wondering if this early experience could even be classified as trauma and what i can do to get past it. i've mentioned this experience to a professional previously and they basically dismissed it as nothing.  i remember being in the back on class at a table with another kid. his parents ran the school, which was very small, a few kids to each grade. i think it may have been snack time and he turned to me and asked me if i wanted to play a game that he plays at home with his family. i said yes. he told me to pull down my tights and underwear so i did so and he touched me down there.   i got home that night and was having dinner. my parents asked me how my day was and i mentioned that so and so touched my \"private parts\". not knowing there was anything wrong with this. of course my parents were not happy and came to the school to speak with the principal, his father. i dont really know what they discussed but all i was told was that people werent supposed to touch me there and i dont think we spoke of it ever again. i think a lot of shame stems from this experience but i'm not sure because i dont speak about what happened with anyone.   i have flashbacks of this memory often and feel disgusting and naked when i do think of it. i dont know what to do. and i dont want feel dismissed again like i did when i brought it up to that professional. am i just overreacting? i know it's common for kids to play and explore but i felt like i was tricked into something even by a child my own age. and it kind of disturbed me that he said it was a game his family played at home.  any help or advice with this would be greatly appreciated. please no negative comments. it's taken me years to even bring this up.", "answer": "i think this is one of those situations where teo things can be true.  the other child's behavior could be within the range of typical childhood exploration and you be legitimately victimized by it.  one does not invalidate the other .  generally speaking,  this behavior alone is not cause for concern (same age,  nothing particularly violent), but that only speaks to the child who did it.  that doesn't mean your feelings are wrong. you aren't overreacting.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hoj01k", "comment_id": "hoj01k"}, {"question": "an actually affordable app for anonymous group therapy", "description": "hi, reddit. i'm the founder of gr\u00fcp, pronounced \"group\". i am fully recovered from my fucking awful mental illnesses, but i wouldn't have been able to do that without group therapy. here's why group therapy works: \"you control, and are ultimately responsible for, what, how much, and when you tell the group about yourself. group therapy is often more enriching for some than individual therapy. you can benefit from the group even during sessions when you say little but listen carefully to others. most people find that they have important things in common with other group members, and as others work on concerns, you can learn much about yourself. group members may bring up issues that strike a chord with you, which you might not have been aware or of known now to bring up yourself. a natural process or enhanced acceptance of self and others occurs as one learns to relate more honestly and directly with others in the group\" (WEBLINK). currently, group therapy on average costs $50 per session. one session per week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year, costs $2,400. we are making an app for anonymous group therapy that's as cheap as spotify premium. essentially, you'd be able to sign up for chat/audio group therapy led by other users who've gone through whatever you are going through now. check out our demo on the website and see what other people are saying. we are spreading the word, so give us a like on www.facebook.com/ourgrup to follow our progress. we also welcome feedback, anonymous or not. just use the bottom part of our website, www.ourgrup.org. thanks :) - rayna", "answer": "hey! this sounds amazing! can you provide a little bit more detail about who runs these groups? thank you so much :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3fnqhf", "comment_id": "3fnqhf"}, {"question": "choosing a psychiatrist; is this normal?", "description": "so i was at my first psychiatric appointment, and i turn in an exhaustive list of symptoms and background information and finally get to talk to the guy. we talk a bit about my problems, and he seems to be pretty approachable. when he gets around to the meds he will be prescribing, he mentions only one called vyvanse- i'm suspicious as to why he'd only mention one medication as opposed to discuss the different medication types.   to those who have visited a psychiatrist before: is it normal if a psychiatrist doesn't discuss the process of finding the right medication ? i don't mean that they discuss with you what medication to take, but that they discuss how they arrived at the medication.", "answer": "it depends on the psychiatrist, really. however (having worked in a practice with 3 psychiatrists), they are generally open to questions and will explain their choices as they want an informed patient. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3ez2tx", "comment_id": "3ez2tx"}, {"question": "hit rock bottom this past weekend", "description": "went to my fraternities party and drank way too much. all i can remember is filling up half a cup with vodka and the other half with mountain dew. next thing i know i woke up in the morning on my friends couch with a trash can in front of me and cuts all over my body. he told me i reached up under a girls skirt, punched a guy in the face, tried to fight multiple people, and fell into some hedges. i remember nothing. that is not who i am in real life and the feeling was gut wrenching.   the fraternity has decided to suspend me since this is not the first time i have had such behavior. i've already been to the hospital twice for heavy drinking and blacked out 7-8 times this semester alone. each blackout has resulted in inappropriate sexual advances, becoming physically aggressive, and sometimes getting into physical fights.   i have a feeling it's because me and my girlfriend of 2.5 years split up in january. it wasn't a bad breakup, and i actually wanted to breakup because i was not feeling love for her anymore, but it is a weird life for me after giving my total self to someone for such a long period of time and then having her completely removed from my life. i'm currently looking for a therapist that can get me back to my normal state so i can go through life like a normal human being.   i've decided to stop drinking and it has been 4 days. i hope i can keep it up and would appreciate any tips you guys have to resist the temptation.   tldr; had terrible behavior over the weekend, i've decided to quit for good. ", "answer": "bottom is where you stop digging. getting sober young is hard, i did it at 17 with the help of aa. i suggest you find a program of recovery and get down to business.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23pe61", "comment_id": "23pe61"}, {"question": "how do i make my family understand?", "description": "why i cant holdor get a job. why a freak out sometimes. why i do drugs to numb the pain.  ptsd from severe childhood molestation. from age 6-11. anxiety disorder. major depression. drug addiction. treatment resistant.   i live with and am supported by my parents. i have 4 serious suicide attempts. 3 cry for help attempts. 3 rehabs. numerous doctors, counselors ect. currently on seroquel, kolonopin and gabapentin. methadone clinic as well to treat my heroin addiction.   parents are fucking saints. they pay for it all even though i am 28. they try to help but just don't quite get it. it would be easier if i had cancer. something physical they could understand. instead i have cancer of the mind. so i had a psychotic break 4 days ago. family is pissed hurt scared ashamed ect. i am just over it. ready to die or at least leave there lives so they have peace.   what do i do to make them realize i am in pain. that i love them enough to leave them? what do i do?", "answer": "have your parents ever attended an appointment with you (therapist or psychiatrist) to get some psychoeducation? seems like the first step. i think family therapy could really help you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l9z3t", "comment_id": "5l9z3t"}, {"question": "calcium channel blockers", "description": "age: 24, weight: 210, height: 6'1.  if calcium channel blockers lower bp by preventing calcium from entering heart cells and blood vessels, how come milk reduces bp if it gives you a lot of calcium? i drink a lot of almond milk but my bp stays around 130-150 systolic and 90-110 diastolic...exercise 5-7 days a week. changing up my diet to literally try and consume no salt to see if that helps.  just checked bp now its at 133/77", "answer": "milk doesn't reduce blood pressure. diets containing milk have a correlation with reduced blood pressure, but correlation is not causation and there are many confounding variables.  in any case, calcium channel blockers work by preventing calcium ions from entering smooth muscle cells in the heart blood vessels. consuming food or drinks with calcium puts calcium in your gut and eventually in your bloodstream, but the extracellular amount (in your blood) is not what matters; it's the amount that goes from extracellular to intracellular that makes a difference, and that's what calcium channel blockers alter.  also, even the extracellular calcium level is highly regulated. even drinking a lot of milk won't dramatically raise blood calcium levels, which is a very good thing for the safety of milk drinkers.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9p3kh2", "comment_id": "9p3kh2"}, {"question": "i (f22) just turned 22 and i am petrified of \"growing up\"", "description": "all of my mental issues aside, i am extremely scared of becoming an adult. i feel like i was just 17 a moment ago and don't feel ready to take on responsibilities. i have a job and go to school while living with my parents but i can't imagine moving out and living on my own any time soon... i feel like i would end up homeless or getting too depressed and hurting myself. does anyone else experience this? i just feel like a kid still...  ​  tl;dr: i feel like a kid and am scared of taking on more responsibilities. ", "answer": "i don't think anyone ever truly feels like \"an adult\" no matter how old or what their life situation is.  most of us are just winging it and doing the best we can.  a lot of people avoid \"growing up\".  more responsibilities mean more stress, but they also mean more freedom which for most folks is completely necessary to living their best life.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9qxnn6", "comment_id": "9qxnn6"}, {"question": "trazodone question", "description": "hi internet,  tl;dr alert: are these symptoms i put in all caps below normal when reducing dosage or cutting trazodone altogether  i've been using trazodone as a sleep aid for nearly 5 years now (add and depression meds had me up all night prior), but due to what i feel is borderline physical dependency, i am looking to get off of it.  backstory: i used to take 150mg, which would knock me out within 25 minutes, but i cut down to 100 about a year ago with little to no impact on sleep, just had to wait about an hour before it knocked me out.   the reason i cut down was if i mistakenly missed a day, my body would be a mess the next day. my body temperature would fluctuate like crazy, i'd feel cold one moment then on fire the next. sweat to chills to sweat to chills on and on. i'd also feel a bit lethargic and would get up maybe 2-4 times each night i forgot, although falling asleep again was fairly easy.  i am looking to cut down again (from 100mg to 75mg) and looked up common symptoms of trazodone withdrawal, but i didn't find much in the way of what i experienced. so, i'd like to ask both med professionals/med savvy people and those who have been in the same boat: are these withdrawal symptoms normal and common or should i be concerned about my voluntary weaning off of this? thank you!", "answer": "they're not typical, but id still attribute it to your experience of cutting down your trazodone. nothing dangerous though. are you keeping your prescriber aware of your dose reductions and adverse experiences?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6qokbh", "comment_id": "6qokbh"}, {"question": "wish me luck..", "description": "i'm (24m) going to confront my wife (25f) about a snapchat message i saw this morning. i couldn't find my phone this morning so i used hers to call it. idk what compelled me to look at her conversation with one of our friends, but it said \"alright my love. i'll text you in the morning. have a good nights sleep \ud83d\ude18i love you.\" wtf is that all about. so many questions running through my head. what have they done? when did this start? and the biggest of all: why? like the subreddit just needed to share. ", "answer": "marriage counseling is always an option", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o15bu", "comment_id": "5o15bu"}, {"question": "how did you try and fix your relationship after you or your so cheated? i am [23 m] and my so is [23 f].", "description": "to make a long story short, one of has cheated and we are trying to fix our relationship. we both know that we are in love and had a happy relationship with one another. it was an unemotional encounter which ceased almost immediately from overwhelming guilt, but cheating is cheating. we both have never been in a situation like this but agreed that we are willing to take the chance and try.   i know reddit is harsh on cheaters and will say it will not work right off the bat...but if we were to try and make it work, any advice?   in particular, the timing how long we need a break for and what steps we would both go through. any comments are appreciated.   thank you for reading!  \u2014 edit  we are both new to this and are trying to make it work because we did have a great relationship and we are both in love. we have experienced a lot together and would like to continue, but there are things that need to happen (i think) in order to properly fix what is broken.   i\u2019ve read a lot of articles, i\u2019ve probably read more in these last few days then i have my entire life. the majority of the articles say that space needs to be given, but it doesn\u2019t specify how much just because every one is different. ", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78f7yh", "comment_id": "78f7yh"}, {"question": "how does one create their feelings of content/mental wellbeing from within instead of letting external factors dictate it?", "description": "during my most vulnerable stages of depression and (social) anxiety, only thing that determines my state of feeling \u201ccontent\u201d or \u201cokay\u201d are outside things. if i\u2019m feeling lonely or like a friendship is dwindling for example, the only thing that\u2019ll make me feel \u201cokay\u201d is getting a massage from that specific person. i\u2019m so tired of feeling this way. i\u2019ve legit let small trivial things like that ruin my whole day and will flip a switch at the drop of a hat the minute the one little thing that\u2019s bothering me stops happening.   letting outside factors determine my levels of content has really messed me up and 1000% has made me overlook and take for granted the things that should be important to me. i don\u2019t know how to \u201cundo\u201d this way of thinking and quite frankly don\u2019t even know where to start. i go to therapy and don\u2019t really thing it\u2019s helping lol.", "answer": "therapist here.  what kinds of benefits do you get out of this thought process? if it was 100% hurtful and not helpful in the slightest, you wouldn't have any motivation to continue doing it. it might seem like a callous question, but these processes get encouraged and reinforced somehow. what else is going on that this process lessens/facilitates/puts you at ease in some way?  generating internal well-being consists of a lot of different things. when someone has an external locus of control (they either allow outside circumstances to dictate their own actions or being and subsequently may also have an urge to control outside factors despite lack of power), they learned that from somewhere. developing a better internal locus on control (separating outside external processes from internal processes and self-modulating from within) includes un-learning previous behaviors and processes and putting active energy to redirect them.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ecp7tr", "comment_id": "ecp7tr"}, {"question": "is there a type of doctor who can teach me not to be awkward? i am not even sure what i am doing to be awkward but i know i am.", "description": "if i don't fix myself i will eventualy kill my self in a few years. i have no friends and i want to be social. ", "answer": "you should see a counselor. a counselor can help you work on social skills, and also on depression.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1ahtnp", "comment_id": "1ahtnp"}, {"question": "what to ask for if you haven't had a checkup in a very long time", "description": "i've not been to a doctor in probably twenty years. my new job has full medical coverage and i'm a 28 year old male, so i think i want to get checked out but i'm not sure what to ask for. would i also be able to ask for blood work to be done, so it's a bit more than a simple physical? what type of doctor do i try and find?   thanks for any advice. ", "answer": "if you're feeling well, do you need to get a check up at all?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vlovb", "comment_id": "5vlovb"}, {"question": "question, please don't laugh or do", "description": "why am i a sassy sexy ass confident happy intelligent funny creative kind loving ambitious responsible driven independent healthy woman until i get into a relationship?", "answer": "we would have to get to know you to answer that. real therapist, perhaps?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bt0urc", "comment_id": "bt0urc"}, {"question": "did he only use me for sex??", "description": "i met this guy a couple of weeks ago and we texted all the time we met up a few times and the last time we met up (friday) we had sex several times while we were talking (before having sex) he told me that he really liked me several times and after we went on dates he told me he really liked me and we had really good conversation on all the dates and he told me he enjoyed them and they were fun anyways i went over on friday and we had dinner and then we had sex and watched a movie and cuddled and talked some more and everything was good he was still really sweet and all and we talked about where we stood exactly and he said we're seeing each other and we're just going to go with the flow and he said he wasn't seeing anyone else and i left later on and then when i left i texted him saying i know you said you weren't seeing anyone else but that also means you don't want to see anyone else right? and he never replied to my text and it's been a whole day which is super unusual because he always replies so pretty much did he just use me for sex and everything else was an act? also what should i do? do i text him again and confront him or do i not say anything?", "answer": "depends what you want. if you want a real relationship, than pursue that line of questioning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tmqz7", "comment_id": "5tmqz7"}, {"question": "i am quitting drinking. detox questions.", "description": "hello, i have made the choice to kick alcohol to the curb because it sucks.    i am 32, male, 5'10\", 235lbs, white  i already have a fatty liver and high cholesterol.  i have to quit.  but it is my choice to quit.     so, worried about detoxing but i know i am no where near the extreme levels some alcoholics do.  some people tell me i am not even an alcoholic because i don't \"get the shakes\" and other crap like that.   however, i can't tell you my average drinks because i don't track or remember, but a typical night is 6 beers, maybe a shot or two if i am not feeling the buzz.  i can and have killed a pint of whisky in one sitting, no issues, topped with a few beers.  i haven't done that in a while though.    problem is, i drink a lot because i have always had a naturally high tolerance for booze.  for the last 10 years, i mainly drank on the weekends, if i drank at all.  but, the last two years i have been increasing and especially over the past year and a half, really increased.  especially when i am alone, if the wife is out of town, or i, like i am now.  i have killed 6 beers and a few shots the past three nights in a row, in a two or three hour period.  anyway, how likely am i to detox?  i know i will have withdrawal symptoms regardless, but am i at the level of drinking that should require an mds assistance?   also, while on the subject, what other than omega 3 can i take to help knock down the fat in my liver a little quicker, tired of feeling like a softball is in there.  i have changed my eating habits drastically, take fenofibrate and omega three (2x a day on the omega) but is there anything else?  i know the broccoli family is great at helping as well.  but i am serious as a heart attack here.  i am done.  this shit ends as of 11 pm last night.    quit smoking 7 years ago, change my eating habits 6 months ago, now for the finale two.  no more beer, and no more couch potatoe.  more water and more exercise.    also, i drink a shit ton of water.  close to 3/4 or a full gallon a day, always have.  honestly, i swear i get hung over from not drinking enough water by the end of the day.  haha, kidding.  but seriously, i know around 3pm if i have not consumed enough water, and drank to much caffiene.  i start to feal like total crap, until i am able to rehydrayte.    i am also on 150mg of zoloft, 2 of xanax, 60 er adderall and 150mls of testosterone im injections (weekly)  just fyi.  yes, it's all legal and all prescribed, and no, i do not abuse any of these medications.  the only abuse i have ever done is alcohol and smoking (dipping back in the day too! lol)  thanks.  i look forward to becoming a member of the healthy society.   ", "answer": "i have no idea why you are prescribed most of your medication given your alcohol history, but hey ho.  to clarify, youre not typically drinking daily and on days you dont drink youre not suffering any significant withdrawal symptoms? if so then you should simply stop. id still advice seeking professional support though im assuming you are in the us where addiction services are patchy.  it sounds like you're not dependent on alcohol but definitely using it in a harmful fashion. good job in choosing to change your lifestyle.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6yvq3f", "comment_id": "6yvq3f"}, {"question": "i'm an alcoholic", "description": "new around here, so a little background on me. i'm 25, and i've abused alcohol heavily since i was 19. it started off as a weekend thing, then i went to college and it progressed to 2 days, then 3, fast forward and i'm getting drunk mainly on my own as much as i can because i feel empty inside all the time, and i honestly couldn't tell you why. i want last night to be the last time i do it. never thought i'd admit to being an alcoholic at 25 but hey, here we are. ", "answer": "damn i wish i had gotten sober so young. congrats.   also it\u2019s really common for folks with adhd to end up with addictions if that helps you forgive yourself a little. are you going to try meetings or anything? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "78rfq9", "comment_id": "78rfq9"}, {"question": "after car accident - need advice about chiropractor", "description": "age 26, female, non-smoker, 5\", 130lb, not taking medications, no previous issues.  hi guys! i was hit in a multi car accident(multiple impacts), went to the er on the day of accident. er doctor gave me muscle relax medicines, said i have a minor concussion, and may see rash on seatbelt area, see doctor again if pain doesn't improve.  after a few weeks, at fault insurance company accepted liability, said \"see a chiropractor if you think you need to\". at this point i don't feel much pain anymore, but i was a little worried about hidden/lasting problems, so i went to a chiropractor.  chiropractor did x-rays and some exams, and said my neck is too straight (supposed to be curved?), hip bone is not balanced (tilted slightly to left side?), and spine is also not straight. also tissue problem in upper back.  then he went on to say i need to come in 4 times a week, for as long as it takes, potentially a few months, a year if things don't get better.  he also said don't worry about the bill, since at fault insurance accepted liability.  my question is, is this treatment 4 times a week (40 minutes each), really needed? thats like 16 times per month. i am unsure if chiropractor is trying to get as many sessions as possible.  what should i do to understand whether i have recovered enough to stop going to the chiropractor?  thanks for any advice!", "answer": "chiropractors are not medical practitioners as doctors use the term. they are a form of alternative medicine, and are neither evidence-driven nor supported by evidence except for very limited evidence that they can help with lower back pain. their diagnostic techniques, in particular, are rife with pseudoscientific recognition of problems that aren't real.  if you aren't in pain, you don't need to see a chiropractor. if you are in pain, or worried, you should see a medical doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bxo7c5", "comment_id": "bxo7c5"}, {"question": "venous insufficiency and anti depressants?", "description": "my psychiatrist just ordered me to take some generic citalopram, and with my recently diagnosed venous insufficiency it makes me afraid of two scenarios. one, that the chemicals could build up down there and not go completely away if i need to switch to another pill, or that it might affect the efficiency of any antidepressant somehow.    i did mention this to him but he said i shouldn't worry about it, nevertheless i'd like a second opinion. i was told by the doctor that diagnosed me with it(vascular specialist) that my condition wasn't bad, and my feet is where most of the symptoms are present. i use compression stockings. if there isn't a cause for concern now could there be if it gets worse?   *25 years old *male *5 foot 11 inches *130 pounds *hispanic ", "answer": "basically nothing. it's far more likely that any physical complication will be related to your venous insufficiency.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "555e7i", "comment_id": "555e7i"}, {"question": "identity", "description": "i'm a 31 year old in the middle of an identity crisis. i'm confused whether to be the person other people (or person) want(s) me to be..the person i know i've always been, or something different..they are constantly colliding with one another and none of them make sense. advice would be welcome..i am at a loss. ", "answer": "it's such a hard situation to be in.  i imagine you're afraid of losing some loved ones if you decide to be exactly who you are rather than what they want.  sadly, you'll never be happy if you live your life trying to live up to others expectations and not being true to yourself.  i've worked with plenty in therapy on this subject.  some were lgbt and in the closet, others wanted to give up their family's religion or go against cultural traditions, others just wanted to focus on their own goals rather than what their family's expectations of them were.  you can do it and start focusing on yourself.  prepare for some resistance from your loved ones as they may try to make a big thing out of it in order to \"get you back\".  in the long run, the people that are worth having in your life (that you actually have a healthy relationship with) will stick around.  others you may have to put some distance between you and them, whether you're family, whether you love them or not.  being true to yourself will be the only way to live a happy life.    hope this helps.  let me know if you have any follow up questions or can give any additional information.    -the web shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6sbomt", "comment_id": "6sbomt"}, {"question": "i finally went to a doctor for my anxiety and he prescribed zyprexa, is this normal?", "description": "i'm male, 26 years old, white, live in portland, or, 160 lb, 5'11\". i've struggled with depression off and on for pretty much my whole life, and up until a few days ago, i wasn't actively being treated for it. i've never been treated for anxiety at all, but recently my anxiety has gotten so bad that i had to quit my job and it's making me borderline suicidal, and making it extremely difficult to be in any kind of social situation. so a few days ago i checked myself into an intensive out-patient program to try to get help for my anxiety and depression. today i met with the psychiatrist, and he prescribed me 37.5 mg effexor for my depression, and 5 mg zyprexa for my anxiety and to help me sleep at night.   he didn't tell me much about zyprexa, and i'd never heard of it before, but he told me i was unlikely to experience any side effects and that i could even take some extra during the day if i was feeling particularly anxious. i told him i was concerned that it might make me drowsy during the day because i've been prescribed amitriptyline and mirtazapine in the past and had to quit each of them because i just couldn't handle the drowsiness they caused all day. he told me that that was because those drugs have a long half life and that it shouldn't be a problem if i take it only at night.  then when i got home, naturally i looked up zyprexa, and the first thing i saw was that its half-life is just as long if not longer than amitriptyline and mirtazapine. then i saw that it is an antipsychotic that's prescribed for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, both of which i definitely don't have. then i ctrl f-ed the wikipedia page and saw that literally the only mention of treating anxiety disorders in the page was \"olanzapine has not been rigorously evaluated in generalized anxiety disorder.\" then i checked out the side effects,  WEBLINK this sounds like significantly worse side effects than any other drug i've ever been prescribed.  i guess my question, and the tl;dr is: is it normal for a doctor to prescribe zyprexa as the first line of treatment for someone with severe anxiety?", "answer": "that seems like a very strange choice of management to me. i\u2019ve seen it before, too, but never with an explanation that sat right with me. zyprexa can help anxiety, at least anecdotally, but it also has significant side effects over time and is frankly not the first line treatment. or second line. or third line.  i\u2019d like to think that there\u2019s more to the story, including the psychiatrist thinking that there may be an element of psychosis. that\u2019s a big stretch and secretly diagnosing and treating without explaining is definitely not standard or acceptable practice.  i\u2019m not sure what to say except that it\u2019s definitely worth seeking a second opinion if you can.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "96crkb", "comment_id": "96crkb"}, {"question": "can someone give me a small list of foods i can eat while taking antibiotics? (augmentin)", "description": "i've notice you're not suppose to eat anything with fiber in it, no cheese or milk or anything high in fat. so what can i eat? i really wanna do this properly and every time i try to find some help on this i always find what foods to avoid but not what foods i can have.. any help is really appreciated! :)    ( 20, female, 4\u201911\u201d and 100lbs )", "answer": "i am unaware of any significant food interactions with augmentin. eat normally.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f1urw1", "comment_id": "f1urw1"}, {"question": "missing my atlas", "description": "good morning and thank you for taking the time to read this.   a little back story first, i'm 27 years old. back in 2013, i was in the army and was going through a medical discharge board after being diagnosed with celiacs disease (found out too that im not symptomatic). i began claiming other ailments such as my lower back,, i was sent to a chiropractor weekly who helped pop my back. well, the chiropractor decided he wanted to try and work on my neck so he ordered an xray for my neck before just started going to town on my neck. when he saw the results, he was like holy shit, i've never seen this in person, only in books. he then shows me my x ray compared to a \"normal\" x ray. he then says he doesn't believe the x ray techs missed this.. he tells me im missing my atlas vertebrae and asks if i had ever taken a hard hit to the head or anything? i told him no but i was born at 27 weeks, and had no knowledge of this up until that point. my question is, can i expect any complications from this? my chiropractor said that there's cartilage there instead of the vertebrae and it looks pretty solid.  tl;dr- i was born at 27 weeks, i'm missing my atlas vertebrae and am wondering if i will experience any crazy problems as i get older ", "answer": "this is strange clinical practice. has he actually done any manipulation on your neck? if so, why go to town on your neck if either he hasn't got back the x-ray, or after he saw the x-ray?  go see a medical doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4z7842", "comment_id": "4z7842"}, {"question": "thinking of going off antidepressants...?", "description": "but i'm not sure. they only cost me $5/mo...  i don't have the thoughts anymore, i'm not scared of my own mind. i could say i feel a lot better in that respect. i'm not sure what i should be feeling.  i brought this up to my psychiatrist, and he suggested that if i wanted to get off them, to wait till after i moved back home from school since med changes shouldn't happen at the same time as big life changes, but i won't be able to see him again because i'm in another state and he left the practice he was working at.  i'm not sure how i'm supposed to decide this, obviously it doesn't have a clear decision and you guys can't tell me what i should/shouldn't do... but opinions? (225mg effexor btw - i know i have to be careful and slow about weening myself off it)", "answer": "might consider calling the psychiatrist's office and asking them to give you a schedule to taper off your antidepressants ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1eo2ah", "comment_id": "1eo2ah"}, {"question": "when should i [23/m] text my ex [24/f] after breakup to get her back", "description": "my girlfriend and i just broke up a week ago. this is both of ours first real relationship and i think we both made the mistake of moving too fast and coming on too strong the first few months. we were friends for years before this and once we started dating everything was perfect and we talked about marriage and kids etc. after 9 months she said she was starting to get freaked out by all that talk. she asked for space and if we could slow things down. i took this pretty hard and after 2 months of not talking as much i asked her to make a decision; breakup or get things back to normal. she said she honestly couldn't decide and she still needed space to figure out if she was ready to commit. but if i was this unhappy waiting we should probably just break up. everyone says that if i want her back i should go through a \"no contact\" period of at least a month so i can try to move on and give her a chance to miss me. however all i really want to tell her is that \"im sorry for screwing things up, i came on too strong, and i feel like an idiot for reacting badly to you wanting to slow things down. i want to get back together and start from scratch but if that's not what you want i would love it if we could stay friends\" does it make more sense for me to tell her this now or wait a few more weeks until the \"no contact\" period is over?   fyi... if your advice is that i should just move on and forget her, please don't comment. i'm posting because i love her and want her back.", "answer": "she was requesting space, so i think it is best to give her that space. at least 30 days, maybe longer. if she misses you, she will contact you. if she is not given space when she has asked for space, she will resent that and her attraction for you will decrease. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7lkbxj", "comment_id": "7lkbxj"}, {"question": "my one year post!", "description": "hi sd friends, i've been looking forward to this post for so long. i made it a year and i'm going strong. i would not have made it this far without all your posts. thank you for coexisting with me!  now that i've completed a trip around the sun during which i have consumed 0 inflight drinks, i want to double down on my conviction to stay the course. i may not know the optimal path to the best expression of myself, but i am familiar with a wrong one both through my own experience and watching some fairly terrible things happen to others while traveling that road. i'm not interested in going out that way and i'm too busy kicking ass over here.   alcohol is a weird drug in that its use is absolutely encouraged by our society until usage gets bad enough to bit flip to absolute discouragement. as with most models of a complicated world, the reality is a continuous spectrum of pleasure and pain and the gradient goes from happy green run to real damn steep real fast.\u00a0  so, here's to another year! cheers and i love you and this lime la croix more every day.", "answer": "i may not know the optimal path to self expression.... i really like this. we all know drinking isn't it, but its hard to sit with the uncertainty while we figure it out. much more chance of actually finding it sober though. well done.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bz8fc8", "comment_id": "bz8fc8"}, {"question": "no weight loss", "description": "might have to up my efforts at the gym and cut out the daily ice cream....thought after 2 weeks  i would brave the scales...my tummy looks flatter and i feel more energetic....mistake bloody scales have not moved....i have joined the reddit before and after by way of incentive. i will not drink and i will lose weight...unfortunately not as fast as i had hoped from dropping wine from my diet ! ", "answer": "hi. i've stopped drinking for a few months now but i've gained weight by eating chocolate, and indeed anything else i fancied. i'm still delighted i'm not drinking but how to make the transition now to healthy eating ....?", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94qbee", "comment_id": "94qbee"}, {"question": "remember to be patient with yourself when you're overwhelmed", "description": "earlier today i was reminded how important it is to be patient when you start getting overwhelmed. i work as an engineer and today i needed to match variables from data set a to data set b so i could begin comparing them (two different codes resulted in a ton of different variables). simple enough right?   well not so much. after an hour of getting distracted and trouble finding notation i finally found the right document. and when i opened it up there was a page full of diagrams and variables that i got overwhelmed. but instead of freezing i took the time to redraw the diagram (for some reason this works for me) so i understood the notation and how the variables related.   writing this down i feel dumb, but also i still got the task done. no matter how small the task just be patient with yourself and go about in a way that is most productive to you. ", "answer": "this was me today.  had to write and proofread a report i've been putting off then straight after i took a call from a flustered client and got cooler overwhelmed. i just paused and said it's ok, take a breath, it's all good.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "al9zgd", "comment_id": "al9zgd"}, {"question": "advice on getting evaluated for adhd under parent's insurance?", "description": "i've decided that it might be a good idea to get evaluated to see if a doctor thinks i have inattentive adhd, but i'm worried my parent's will disapprove over me getting on meds if i do have it. i'm under their tricare from my dad's prior military service until i turn 21 (another year). my parents have always been against me using my prescribed medication if it's some type of addictive drug such as codeine for when i tore ligaments in my ankle. has anybody had to go through convincing your parents that the meds might help? if so, what are some key points to bring up to possibly convince/ease their mind?  ​  tl;dr: need advice on convincing parents that it's okay to get evaluated and that the meds might help if i do actually have adhd (parents are against abusable substances)", "answer": "if you\u2019re over 18, you don\u2019t need their consent to go to a doctor and use the insurance or to fill a prescription at the pharmacy. however, they will likely be informed if you do through an explanation of benefits which the insurance company sends and explains what services they paid for.  basically, they will probably find out about it after the fact, but they can\u2019t stop you from using the insurance and receiving treatment unless they decide to completely take you off their insurance at some point, which would be a pretty insane reaction.   edit because i forgot to address the other part of your question: if you want to try to convince them first, talk to them about adhd as a neurological condition and present information on this. you wouldn\u2019t deny someone with parkinson\u2019s disease their medication. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a0kpz4", "comment_id": "a0kpz4"}, {"question": "any pcos hair loss success stories with spiro or other methods?", "description": "my hairline started to recede really rapidly since i was 15 and when my hair is greasy you can see bald spots. im 19 now and it\u2019s gotten worse to the point where i couldn\u2019t ignore it anymore and it\u2019s ruined my self esteem. recently talked to a gyno i just started seeing about it and if it would grow back and she\u2019s like \u201c i honestly don\u2019t know\u201d. (huge vent ahead) she doesn\u2019t seem like she knows anything about pcos besides the basics which is very concerning since she\u2019s supposed to specialize in reproductive health. she even refused to put me on spiro because it can cause a potassium deficiency. as you can tell, i\u2019m slightly bitter about that because i\u2019m literally losing my hair and going through symptoms that make me want to die and all she cares about is a possible side effect that\u2019s easily treatable? i\u2019m not a doctor and i hate being the person who thinks they know more than doctors which i don\u2019t, but this gyno wasn\u2019t able to answer any of my questions about the disorder. my mom has pcos too and i explained how the appointment went down and she was horrified and told me that i need to find a new gyno. my university is in a less populated area so finding good doctors can be difficult.  thankfully, i looked for dermatologists for my hair loss and found a great dermatologist who is highly educated about pcos and he knew way more than my gyno. he told me my hairline was moving back but my hair loss was non-scarring and he believes that all of my hair will grow back if i\u2019m on spiro. this seems a little too good to be true because the hair loss has gotten really bad and i haven\u2019t seen hair grow in those spots since i was 15. do you think spiro is really capable of that and has anyone had success stories with spiro? i\u2019ve heard so many women with pcos related hair loss say that spiro didn\u2019t do anything for them and that their hair loss just got worse. i\u2019ve been on birth control for pcos when i was 16 but eventually went off it because it didn\u2019t do anything to help my symptoms. i\u2019m been taking biotin supplements for 6 months and it has also done nothing for my hairline.", "answer": "i was on 200mg of spiro for close to a decade. it really limited my hair loss, kept cystic acne at bay and dramatically limited my facial hair growth. had to stop for fertility reasons and noticed a difference very quickly. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "b7ccqt", "comment_id": "b7ccqt"}, {"question": "flying with meds", "description": "can i take my concerta on the plane?", "answer": "keep it in the original pill bottle with the full label on the bottle. if you\u2019re traveling out of the country, check the rules of the destination country because some countries do not allow it.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "apy9fg", "comment_id": "apy9fg"}, {"question": "i\u2019m going to my first therapy appointment next week. i\u2019m nervous.", "description": "i\u2019ve been having a hard time for what feels like forever and i\u2019ve finally taken the step to see someone. i\u2019m stressed about the idea of going but i know i have to. can anyone share there experience going to a therapist for the first time.", "answer": "therapist here. grats on taking that first step!  the first appointment is generally a \"get to know you\" type set-up: you will fill all the relevant forms, talk about informed consent (kind of like the rules of therapy) and then get started with an initial assessment. people do the assessments differently, and in different timeframes, but either way there will be quite a few questions. usually we bounce around to a bunch of different topics that may or may not be relevant to why you decided to come.  at some point during that, you will start to talk a little bit about why you decided to pick up the phone and give them a call and what you are hoping to get out of the process. from there you will talk about follow-up, recommendations the therapist might have, and then potentially schedule your next session.  i always like to tell prospective clients who are nervous to spend some time prior to coming and write down some questions they might want to ask me. that way you can get more information and you can feel more comfortable.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dm3zxh", "comment_id": "dm3zxh"}, {"question": "sucks being bpd to an npd \"friend\"", "description": "always there for them fufilling every little need they have. listening to their npd monologues where my role is just to be an audience. gotta endorse every little comment they make, every decision, regardless of how toxic and selfish it may be. always listening and giving getting nothing in return. she only values me for what i can give and do for her. makes me feel like dog shit. ", "answer": "i dated a girl whom i believe has npd or lots of traits of it. we had a toxic relationship go figure, she still to thus day can't accept her participation  in it. she blames every failed relationship, friends and romantic, on the other person. she thinks people suck, she thinks friends aren't there for you when really people get tired of putting up with her shit because she thinks she knows more or is better than you, and is very critical of others. even after we cut ties, she stalked my reddit profile and thought things that i was posting had to be about her and that i was making them all up because she had no memory of them happening.   that's the only thing that still kills me about the relationship, i feel like we could have ended things amicable and acknowledged both of our roles in the breakdown of our relationship but she cannot. it's hard. in a way, being with her helped me get my own shit together because it enlightened me to others perception of how i may come off and i try to be conscious of that. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "4t7rcm", "comment_id": "4t7rcm"}, {"question": "does texas require out of state therapists seeing texas resident to be licensed in texas?", "description": "i currently live in washington state, and plan on relocating to texas in foreseeable future. i would like to remain with my therapist, she is my licensed mental health therapist. so i'd like to know if texas require licensure in order to continue serve my needs? i'm not sure of the keywords to search or where to search within texas resources via website. i called one of the numbers, they suspended their phone services.     thanks!", "answer": "this depends on her license .  if she is a psychologist,  texas board of examiners of psychologists is the place to look.  i always check for temporary/emergency licenses before applying permanently to a new state, this may be an option.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk3cz4", "comment_id": "hk3cz4"}, {"question": "what to do about inconsiderate boyfriend (m25) and him calling me (f25) the c word almost every day.", "description": "i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, recently things haven't been going well and we are arguing pretty much every time we spend time together (mostly about small things), i think he's being inconsiderate he says i'm nagging. also he never apologizes after an argument and will never admit when he's wrong, he either gives me the silent treatment or forget we even argued.   for example whenever he stays the night at my apartment he lets his dog out in my garden which is shared with all my neighbors and will leave the poop there until the 100th time i've asked him to go and clean it up, i don't understand why he can't just clean it up straight away. my neighbors have complained to my landlord about the poop being left in the garden. he doesn't see that it's a big deal and will just say i'm bitching, i just want him to clean it up after he's let his dog out so i don't have to bring it up.   the worst thing about these arguments is the way he talks to me during arguments, especially his use of the c word, i've told him he can't speak to me like that but he refuses to stop and says that he's calling me that because i am one.  so reddit how do i speak to someone that thinks they're always right and won't apologize ever without nagging? how can i get him to stop calling me disrespectful words?  i need this to change or i am going to leave the relationship.", "answer": "everything everybody has already said in this thread is 100% right.  i spent 7 years with a guy exactly like this. even married him (hah). then one day, i got my head out of my own ass and left him. i am now married to my best friend who has treated me with love, respect and kindness from day 1 (~13 years as friends, 2 years together). i went from depressed and miserable, wondering why i couldn't fix my shit relationship no matter how hard i tried to happiness and realizing that i had been climbing an uphill battle, uselessly.  your \"bf\" has crossed some boundaries that are hard to come back from. leave him. let him make himself (and probably somebody else) miserable and you move on and have a happy life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2jcd8a", "comment_id": "2jcd8a"}, {"question": "i realised why i fail every time. you should too.", "description": "your ego: i have completely conquered this addiction.  listen, you can never control your sexual primal instinct completely. never.  from one of my favourite books, irresistible by adam alter: \"the most dangerous time for an addict is the first moment when things are going so well that you believe you've left the addiction behind forever.\"  you can never leave this shit behind \"forever\", 1 day, 10 day, 100 day, 1000 day, whatever your streak is.  the only things you can do are:  * kill the triggers and urges for the next 70-80 years  * fill the empty boredom time with stuff you want to do and with which build your life  do that. streaks do not matter once you go beyond 90 days, from there simply starts infinite struggle.", "answer": "well said, we treat it like its not a fucking black hole with far greater power than we can manage to engage with.  we need to admit defeat and run.", "topic": "nofap", "post_id": "ex6fea", "comment_id": "ex6fea"}, {"question": "does anyone feel anger towards themselves for showing emotion?", "description": "especially in front of other individuals? like it somehow makes you vulnerable, or you've let yourself down in some sense. as if in some way, you've failed to keep some unspoken promise to yourself?", "answer": "in my family as a kid the only safe emotion to show was anger. one time i was in the car with my family and i was feeling very hurt and frustrated because some friends at school were causing some drama that resulted in me feeling like they didn\u2019t care about me. i wasn\u2019t saying anything about it of course but it was brewing up inside of me. one of my parents asked me a question and it caused me to start to yell about how this person or that person sucked. and then, accidentally, i started to cry and my anger turned to sadness and i started saying how i felt like none of my friends liked me or cared about me and i\u2019m not good enough for them. i cried about how i felt like i didn\u2019t have any \u201creal\u201d friends. no one responded. just silence.   a few days later i was about to leave the house to hang out with some people and my brother goes \u201cwhere are you going? remember, you don\u2019t have any friends! *snicker/evil grin*\u201d   let a primary emotion slip out and my family never let you forget it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80kbjf", "comment_id": "80kbjf"}, {"question": "penis shorter than used to be (flaccid state)", "description": "i'm 22 years old male, 130kg / 187cm. few weeks ago i was lifting weights and my penis \"turtled\", but eventually returned to normal length. however, after a few days i noticed it's shorter in flaccid state than before and the skin is wrinkled. i'm circumsized. everything appears and feels normal when the penis is erect, and i'm feeling no pain.  what can i do to make it normal length again?", "answer": "nothing. its fine. put your ruler away.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4y0pru", "comment_id": "4y0pru"}, {"question": "my friend swallows air in order to produce obnoxiously loud and frequent burps. is this bad for his health?", "description": "not that this is relevant in any way, but he has also learned to do this through his anus to produce the same effect, but out the other end. i am 100% serious, i wish i was joking", "answer": "lol. safe, though he's not going to procreate any time soon.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vohwz", "comment_id": "5vohwz"}, {"question": "can i detox during birthcontrol?", "description": "hello, i am a 16yo, female, im latina, 1.55 meters tall and i weight 55kg.  i don't take drugs or drink alcohol. i only take birthcontrol (gynera) and sometimes i take a stomach protector in the morning. i have a very upset/sensitive stomach, sometimes it can't even take a cookie. i feel like i should detox my stomach and start a new and healthier diet. but i know that for detoxification i will cleanse everything from my body, and there will go my birthcontrol intake.  so i thought that maybe during the 7 day break of my contraception i could do the cleanse? or would it mess up with my birthcontrol anyway? also, if i do the cleanse and don't have intercourse during that pill package (21 days), will i be safe from pregnancy when i start the next package?", "answer": "\"cleanses\" are fads that serve no medical purpose and, as far as we know, don't really do anything.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ghjdn6", "comment_id": "ghjdn6"}, {"question": "i (22m) need some help coping.", "description": "hey guys,  a couple of months ago i found out i was cheated on by my girlfriend at the time (obviously now ex). it hit me incredibly hard as we were dating for almost 4 years and i truly loved the girl. i like to think of my self as a very confident man but, admittedly, my confidence has taken a hit since then. i am fine for a couple of days but, out of nowhere, i begin thinking of my ex and i just get horribly depressed.    i have found a new girl whom i am very interested in and we have great chemistry. she is definitely a girl i can see myself with. however, sometimes i start thinking of ex and i really just don't know what to do. i have never been through a break up of this caliber before in my life. all in all, i just need some advice on how to cope.    tl;dr - girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me and we had a rough break up a couple of months ago. need some advice on coping ", "answer": "there's no easy answer for grief and loss. it takes time as you know.  you might not be ready yet for a new relationship.  make sure you're totally over the ex before starting anew. most of life is timing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2m7f", "comment_id": "5o2m7f"}, {"question": "doctor denied me flu shot because of low blood pressure. i'm higher risk for covid so it seems important that i get a flu shot. advice? 32f", "description": "blood pressure is usually 90s/60s. 5'9 150lbs. all kinds of sinus/allergy issues, possibly crohns disease, and my lungs don't get oxygen to my blood as well as they should. but it was exclusively based on blood pressure that the doctor told me not to get a flu shot. i've never heard this before and don't understand why blood pressure would make a difference here.", "answer": "90/60 without symptoms is not a problem. flu shots don\u2019t drop blood pressure.  if you go to a pharmacy that gives shots, they won\u2019t even check, as well they shouldn\u2019t.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "jj52gl", "comment_id": "jj52gl"}, {"question": "need help with conversation!", "description": "i feel like i never have the right thing to say to people except my closest friends. in group settings, i find myself shutting down, because i just can't think of anything to contribute to conversations. i'll usually be quiet and only say a thing or two. no matter how hard i try to follow the conversation, it's hard for me to come up with things to say, even if it's a topic i know a lot about or can relate to. i feel like raj in the big bang theory; even if i want to talk and want to join in it's like i physically can't.  i have the same problem with people i'm not super close with too. unless i have a very deep connection with someone, i find that my mind goes blank when it comes to conversing.  i could have a friend or acquaintance for months, but if my brain hasn't deemed them a \"best friend,\" i won't know what to talk about in a small group setting. one on one i'm fine, but three or more people and i feel helpless.  any tips? i never run out of things to say to my best friends and boyfriend. but when it comes to groups, i can't come up with anything for the life of me. ", "answer": "i wrote a pretty comprehensive [guide to conversation](WEBLINK) which you might find helpful :) check out out!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "37kl76", "comment_id": "37kl76"}, {"question": "what did my late father have? (psychiatry)", "description": "i'm a 34 y/o woman. 16 years ago, my dad passed at age 59 from the complications of cirrhosis. he was an alcoholic and drank daily. he had wonderful sides, but also really bad abusive sides. i'm trying to understand what he might have had.  - he was celebrity in our country and one of the bests at his job. both in entertainment and journalism.  - he was an only child and lost his beloved father unexpectedly when he was in middle school. he started to work at that age to take care of his mother. he cut ties with their relatives because they never really helped apparently. he cried about his father all his life when he talked about him. after my grandma passed to he would sometimes refer to himself as an orphan. and he had no family left other than mom and us his kids.  - his mother did some abusive shit that was considered normal back then, including physical punishment. but generally she was a good mother. when they were both grown-ups, the power was totally on my dad though in their relationship dynamics. he lived with his mother until she passed. when he and my mom got married, grandma was still in the house. we were doing well financially though and the house allowed privacy.  - he prioritized his kids (me and my brother) over other people. he would \"punish\" grandma when my brother got upset over something she didn't allow and make her stand on one foot like they do to children when they are naughty. grandma was clearly uncomfortable with this, would cry afterward, dad didn't care.  - he was abusive to my mother physically and verbally. he would start fights over things like food getting burned when he was angry. her cooking something he didn't like. but between the abuse, he was great. he would make us laugh. bring everyone gifts. serenade to my mom. tell their memories with such loving eyes and tone.  - once my mom's one brother and his wife visited us. she made a joke, literally like one sentence that implied my dad was kissing the ass of the person in the story he aws telling. dad didn't say anything there. after they left he started a huge fight with mom why she didn't say anything or stop it. i am not kidding, this came on for years, until he passed. he would wake my mom up to start a fight over this totally out of the blue even years later! then the next day everything was back to normal.  - he loved me too much. he would cry when i cry, he was very thoughtful about my feellings generally. except... he continued the abuse with my mom and he would even wake me up often so i would sit there, watch the whole thing as a referee and tell who was right. i didn't even have the option to say he was wrong, he would then get angry at me.  - once for example he got angry at my mom burning chickpeas when i was 15. he asked me to cook chickpeas for him (i didn't even know how!) this was 3 days into my summer job and i was exhausted. when i said in the scared tone i didn't know how and i needed to rest, at first he pretended to be ok then asked me to clean the kitchen with mom all night. i was sobbing and stayed up until 4am cleaning and went to work 5 hours later.  - he was mostly a funny, super generous, thoughtful guy. he would help people without expecting anything in return. all of his charity donations were anonymous too.  - he was aware he was smart. but got humble when someone complimented on him.  i think he was depressed. and obviously alcohol didn't help his rage. but what else did he have if any?", "answer": " he could have had major depressive disorder. it could have all been alcohol-related. nothing here is clearly pathology beyond the bounds of normal.   any speculation based on just this snapshot is just speculation, and it\u2019s already filtered through your opinions and memories of him.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "in1n8i", "comment_id": "in1n8i"}, {"question": "i forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and i basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "also please  try to get help for you and your friend. you don\u2019t have to live unhappy. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "7jrv0i"}, {"question": "marge simpson - why i think she might be one of us [long]", "description": "the subject of bpd in fiction comes up every so often here.  i think a lot of us are looking for someone to relate to and hoping to find a character who has overcome their illness enough to be a functioning member of society.  we want to see that it's possible.  i mentioned in a thread on this topic a couple of days ago that i have recently begun to feel that marge simpson exhibits signs of possibly having bpd.  a couple of people were interested, and i thought i'd write something up.    i was a huge fan of the simpsons for many years, to the point of having a ton of episodes from the early years all but memorized.  i have lost touch with the show over the last decade or so, but i still enjoy watching when i catch an episode on tv.  i don't think that the writers ever necessarily intended to create marge as a character with bpd.  in the early episodes, she seems like the quintessential \u201ctv sitcom mom,\u201d there as sort of a background character for the family's hijinks.  over time though, her personality starts to emerge in ways that create a portrait of a woman who is troubled, but still extremely functioning and beloved by those close to her.  we don't know a whole lot about marge's childhood, but the snippets we have seen suggest that she was pushed around by her older sisters and largely overlooked by her parents.  she appears to have spent much of her early years trying to be noticed and please everyone around her.  this is an example of the sort of invalidating environment that could contribute to bpd in an adult patient.  notably, the patterns of trying to be an extreme people-pleaser continues into marge's adulthood.  ---- to cut right to the point, i thought i'd go over the dsm diagnostic criteria and cite some in-universe examples to illustrate.  i'm including mainly examples where marge's behavior was part of a major plotline, but i think a huge part of her tendencies are more obvious in unrelated side-scenes where she makes a remark that just feels \u201coff.\u201d  one example of that would be in [bart on the road](WEBLINK) when homer calls from work to speak to lisa, followed by bart calling later in the same episode to speak to lisa.  marge's emotional reactions to each call starts out with an intense level of excitement, followed by extreme disappointment to learn they weren't calling to talk to her at all.  these scenes had almost nothing to do with the episode, but it contributes greatly to the overall picture of marge as someone who desperately wants recognition and intimacy.    ---- *a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self image and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:*  **1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.**  homer is not a very bright man, and he has had his loyalty tested more than once.  however, marge seems to display excessive jealousy at times.  her fear of abandonment seems to extend to her children as well.  most of the time, her behavior is relatively rational, but occasionally she goes to extremes.    *examples:*  [homer's night out](WEBLINK) - homer ends up having a picture taken of himself dancing with a stripper at a bachelor party.  marge reacts by throwing him out of the house without giving him an opportunity to explain.  [it's a mad, mad, mad, mad marge](WEBLINK) - this entire episode.  becky was pushing her to extremes to try to get her to believe her family was going to abandon her, but still worth mentioning.  **2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.**  marge's relationship with homer is extremely stable.  the same cannot be said for other interpersonal relationships.  most of her relationships seem to follow this exact pattern.  marge meets someone, thinks they are absolutely amazing, wants to be just like them or be near them constantly, and ultimately begins to see them as \u201cbad\u201d later on in the episode.  i realize the nature of sitcoms is that characters often come and go in a single episode; however, other characters have stable friendships that last from one episode to another.   *examples:*  [life on the fast lane](WEBLINK) - marge meets a bowling instructor and has a brief emotional affair.  she is on her way to take things to a physical level before changing her mind and heading to greet homer at work on a whim.  [marge on the lam](WEBLINK) - marge befriends a neighbor, who had appeared in one episode prior to this.  she ends up having a pretty intense \u201cthelma & louise\u201d style adventure with her, and apparently they don't see much of each other after this.  [scenes from the class struggle in springfield](WEBLINK) - oh boy, if i could ask everyone to watch only one episode to demonstrate the possibility of marge having bpd, this would be the episode.  to summarize, marge ends up stumbling upon a deal for a nice suit at a ridiculous price.  she buys it, then drags the family to a posh country club as an excuse to wear it.  there, she meets a group of women whom marge desperately, desperately wants to be friends with.  why?  i don't know.  they're not nice people.  they don't have anything in common with marge.  but she just needs for them to like her.  she keeps frantically making alterations to her suit to make it look like she has several outfits, because she can't possibly afford to buy fancy clothes to impress them. after she finally makes one too many alterations and destroys the suit, she spends the family's savings on another suit so she can continue impressing these friends who don't even care about her.  in the end, the only reason she stops her hero-worship of these women is when she realizes that she will lose her family if she continues.  i'm sorry, i completely broke away from the style i was using for the rest of the post, but this.  everything about what marge did in this episode, i relate to so, so much.  **3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.**  marge moves through interests with a strange intensity.  again, due to the nature of the show, of course marge has to be placed in new situations periodically.  however, in contrast to homer's, bart's, and even lisa's adventures, which usually seem to arise out of a sense of \u201cbeing in the right place at the right time,\u201d marge often finds herself in precarious positions solely because she was trying to find something to throw herself into.  she takes on her hobbies with a passion that doesn't seem to be shared by other characters in their one-off interests.  *examples:*  [itchy & scratchy & marge] (WEBLINK) - marge throws herself into protesting itchy & scratchy after maggie accidentally injures homer in a similar manner to something she saw on television.  [brush with greatness](WEBLINK) - marge had a passion for painting, and it was crushed because her art teacher didn't care for her artistic style.  she throws herself back into it with a fervor upon finding a teacher who gives her some encouragement.  after this episode, she gives it up again.  [a streetcar named marge](WEBLINK) - marge channels her extreme anger with homer into acting  [the twisted world of marge simpson](WEBLINK) - marge starts a pretzel business.  she makes pretzels day and night, pretty much doing nothing else with her life but making pretzels.    **4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).**  marge has a serious gambling addiction which is discovered in one episode and is brought up a few more times.  in addition, in one episode, we see her begin to develop a drinking problem when she no longer has to work to keep the house clean.  the drinking problem is done as a joke, with marge only able to drink one glass of wine a day, but it's still an indication that marge copes with her inner demons by distracting herself with household activities.  *examples:*  [$pringfield...]( WEBLINK) - this is the first episode where we saw marge's gambling addiction.  it is so severe that she stays at the casino day and night, completely forgetting about her family until homer delivers a dramatic speech to get her to come home.  [you only move twice](WEBLINK) - yes, one glass of wine a day is hardly a serious problem, but marge was feeling enough guilt about it that it was most likely a problem for her.  **5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.**  nah, not so much here.  **6) affective [mood] instability.**  marge definitely seems to feel emotions more intensely than she displays outwardly.  throughout the series, it's frequently made plain that she is faking enthusiasm or hiding anger & disappointment.  she gives lisa advice more than once about suppressing her emotions.  *examples:*  [new kid on the block](WEBLINK) - okay, i think anyone would be embarrassed about homer's all-you-can-eat fish crusade, but marge is utterly humiliated, to the point of breaking down in tears on the witness stand when she talks about driving around town looking for another seafood place that's open.  [simpsonscali...](WEBLINK) - marge's stress is so severe that her hair starts falling out in clumps.  **7) chronic feelings of emptiness.**  this one is harder to put into words.  there is a profound sadness to marge that comes out only when you read between the lines of her character.  she does not seem to be especially happy with her life, even though she seems to have everything she really wants.    [a milhouse divided](WEBLINK) - in this episode, marge up and decides she wants to throw a dinner party because she's bored with her life.  she then throws so much effort into the party that she really seems to be basing her self-worth around the success or failure of the party.    **8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).**  marge doesn't display her anger often.  she does, however, seem to feel it frequently, if her grunts of disapproval (i really don't know what else to call her trademark \u201cmmmmm\u201d) are any indication.  when she does let her anger show, though, watch out.  *examples:*  [two cars in every garage and three eyes on every fish](WEBLINK) - rather than making a stronger effort to communicate with homer about how he hasn't been listening to her views, she makes a public spectacle of mr. burns by serving him a three-eyed fish created by the pollution from his own power plant.  [homer alone](WEBLINK) - i don't think i need to say much about the scene where marge snaps in the middle of a bridge, lashing out at anyone who comes near her and causing a traffic jam.  i think this could qualify as a dissociative episode, actually.  **9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.**  although i identified one possible dissociative episode above, i don't think marge really has dissociation on an ongoing basis or with enough of a frequency to qualify here.  --- depending on your agreement with a couple of areas where i really stretched a bit to make my point, marge seems to meet at least 5 of the 9 diagnostic criteria, possibly as many as 7.  *conclusion*:  marge appears to display a lot of behaviors and patterns of thinking that suggest borderline-like tendencies.  i'm not sure whether the severity and frequency of her symptoms would constitute a diagnosis of bpd, but she certainly does seem to have many of the same habits.  apologies that i only use the first half of the show to illustrate my points.  as i mentioned above, i am extremely familiar with the first 9 or 10 seasons, and then the show sort of fell off my radar.  i was less comfortable using material from the second and third decades of the show, since i'm less confident of my knowledge of those episodes.  thoughts are welcome!", "answer": "post this in /r/fantheories! it's wonderful", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "2oltyr", "comment_id": "2oltyr"}, {"question": "request: feel like i'm starting to spiral into an eating disorder and don't know how to help myself.", "description": "   so a bit of background. i was a bit of chubby kid in grade school but found a healthy way to lose weight in high school. i was at a normal weight for my age and height and although i was still self-conscious of my weight and how i looked, i was still relatively okay with my body image. before i went to college everyone i knew would joke about \"the freshman 15\" and telling me i was going to gain weight and for some reason that really scared me. my freshman year i ate healthy, i went to the gym, but i still ate the occasional junk food and felt okay about myself.  this year, though, i feel like i'm sliding down a slippery slope. the year started and i've been counting calories, and i know my intake is way too low. i work out at the gym for way too long doing way too much cardio and then i'll go back to my room and do more exercise videos. some days i'll write out my planned meals for the day and all of the calories that they have and i don't go past that amount. i drink an unnecessary amount of coffee and call that meal because it has barely any calories. if i eat even the smallest bit of junk food, i'll end up almost in tears and force myself to go for a walk or go to the gym because i feel like i didn't deserve that. i've recently started looking at these scarily thin girls and thinking \"damn do i wish i looked like that.\" i feel like somewhere in the back of my head i know that i'm not fat and that it's okay to have some snacks or an actual full meal, but i can never bring myself to eat a healthy amount without feeling guilty or crying about it. i know i'm losing weight, but i'm still at a fairly healthy weight for my age and height, but i always say to myself \"just a few more pounds. just lose a few more, you're still at a healthy weight, you can afford to lose a few more.\" and sometimes when people say they're concerned with how little i'm eating or how much weight i've lost, i almost enjoy their concern.  i know this isn't normal, but i don't know how to help myself, or if i even want to help myself. any advice would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "honestly it sounds like you already have an ed.   sounds like you\u2019re still in college, i highly recommend going to see a counselor before this gets any worse.   i can tell you that the \u201ca few more pounds\u201d mentality didn\u2019t go away even when i was needing hospitalization and i was told i was going to die. please get help before you get there - the pain was unbearable. ", "topic": "eatingdisorders", "post_id": "b01aci", "comment_id": "b01aci"}, {"question": "day 25", "description": "up until the last couple of days things have been relatively easy. my quit day was really important because i fell and hit my head hard. that\u2019s what prompted me quitting.  two days ago i got into an argument with my so. we\u2019ve made amends but last night i was a mess. just a crazy anxious bitch selfishly begging myself to justify going next door and buying a 6pack. then i came on stopdrinking and read until i fell asleep. today i\u2019m grateful that i didn\u2019t drink. it wouldn\u2019t have solved anything, and i would have just gone back to a version of me that i hate.   i thought i was done with the cravings. i\u2019m annoyed that i tell myself that i can just drink when everyone goes to bed. i\u2019m not a sneaky person, so why am i thinking these thoughts? why am i hella depressed? im acting like a friend or family member died... i hate drunk me, so why am i romanticizing my relationship with booze? and why now??  i had planned on quitting smoking today, but now i feel like that might not be a good idea. idk.   but day 25 feels so good.", "answer": "you do grieve alcohol, i think.  it's been a friend/companion/lover/etc for so long.  doesn't matter that it was a shitty friend/companion/lover/etc.  it was familiar and comforting and you loved it.    you grieve the way your life will change, because the things you've been doing for so long are going to be gone.  the way you look at friday night will be different.  the things you do with friends and family will be different.  your relationships will change.  your routines will change.  so, you aren't just grieving alcohol.  you're grieving the way of life that you are giving up, the comfortable, the familiar.    it's scary and it's sad.  i get where you're coming from.  two weeks into my sobriety, i broke down crying because i realized that it was friday and instead of being psyched about going out to a new restaurant and having cocktails (my go-to for friday nights), i had literally no idea what to do.  how, i thought, does one look forward to friday night without cocktails?  what the hell am i supposed to look forward to now?  i cry when i think about how my relationship with my family is changing - getting wasted together was what we did.  now it's all different.  the lesson for me is that i can deal with all of the grief and fear sober.  i always could, but i didn't see that until now.  i like the idea of a new sober me walking forward into this unknown future.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d8oqa2", "comment_id": "d8oqa2"}, {"question": "i'm starting to relapse after going through a traumatic experience. any advice?", "description": "long story short, a man i thought was maintenance almost choked me to death in my bathroom at the age of 20. for some reason he stopped, i survived, and he is in jail now.  i handled it really well for a while but i think that was just because i was in denial about my mental state.  but not i find my self drinking more and more and i need some advise on how to cope without alcohol and how to resist the urge to have another drink. ", "answer": "it sounds like you might be suffering from post-traumatic stress, a very real and potentially very serious mental health condition. i would suggest seeking counseling or other mental health services. depending on your area and situation, you may be able to find services through school, a local crisis line, a local domestic violence shelter (many of them do offer services for women recovering from trauma of all kinds, not just dv. or, they can help refer you to other providers). you may also be able to access resources as a crime victim - some justice systems have victim's advocates, for example. and of course many communities have counselors in private practice, that you can find in the phone book.  since you're posting in r/alcoholicsanonymous, i'm assuming you are open to trying the aa program. if you search for alcoholics anonymous and the name of your city/town, you should be able to find a list of meetings fairly easily. larger towns might also have an intergroup office; if you need help getting a ride to a meeting, or just have questions, you can call them. you might want to consider starting at a women's only meeting (i'm just guessing you're female) as that might feel a little safer than a mixed-gender meeting. i have met many aa members who have traumatic experiences as part of their personal stories - you would absolutely not be alone in that. however, i have personally found that while aa allowed me to get sober, i needed to get professional help in dealing with some of my underlying issues that contributed to my drinking and using. there is no shame in that.  if you want to talk one-on-one, feel free to pm me. take care, and please be gentle with yourself.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "2jydyr", "comment_id": "2jydyr"}, {"question": "differences in sexual preferences", "description": "last week my girlfriend broke up with me after a couple of months. today she told me the reason: i was too gentle in bed and she likes it rough.  now, until last week, everything was perfect, almost like in a movie or a fairytale, than all of the sudden she became disillusioned by our relationship, because the sex was not rough enough for her. i asked her why she didn't tell me this before, and she said that each person likes sex the way he/she likes it and doesn't believe this could change.  what is your take on this reddit? is this a valid reason to break up with someone, or can a couple overcome the differences in preference? does anyone have experiances with this kind of situation?  **edit:**  **as a part of being dumped i've been going through all our the texts and chat logs today. to be fair to her, i found that she did mention this problem once. it went something like this:**  > her: i wouldnt mind if you were a bit rougher during sex  > me: and what if i wasn't?  > her: then i'll just accept you for who you are, like i do now  **i know you'll all say that i shouldn't blame myself, but i can't help but wonder, did i screw up by missing her hint? if i missed this, i might have even forgotten that she may have told me this in a live conversation as well. but given, that she stated she would accept me anyways, it's reasnoble i didn't pay much attention to it.**", "answer": "i gotta tell ya, this kind of sexual difference can be tough to overcome, especially if she thought you'd made it clear that there would be no compromise. i'm sorry... but lesson learned for the future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "t6r63", "comment_id": "t6r63"}, {"question": "i\u2019m going to kill myself tonight", "description": "i\u2019m tired of fighting. i\u2019m in so much pain, i don\u2019t want to try anymore. nobody would even miss me, i don\u2019t have anyone. i\u2019m being sexually abused, and i\u2019m tired of facing that too. i\u2019m also feel like i\u2019m losing it. i might be going crazy. i decided i\u2019m not afraid of death anymore", "answer": "there is help out there, and you can beat this. it sounds like everything it shit, but it can be better. call 911. that should help end the abuse and help jumpstart you to a healthy life. please call  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7a1rjl", "comment_id": "7a1rjl"}, {"question": "question about health insurance and confidentiality in the us", "description": "this is a somewhat hypothetical question because i'm not on a parent's insurance, but i saw a post in another subreddit about someone needing therapy for a serious issue and avoiding it because they were on their parents' insurance and didn't want them (or anyone) to know about seeking therapy. it never really occurred to me before that just due to being on someone else's insurance, they could have access to that kind of information.   the person was over 18 years old. every therapist i've ever been to has had me fill out confidentiality papers in the beginning about who they can even contact by phone, and certainly never sent any mail or anything to my house, and i always paid any fees there in the office at the time of my appointments. is there some other way a parent would be made aware of their kid being in therapy just due to the fact that they're using the parents' health insurance to access it?  i wasn't sure if this was the right place to post at first because this seems to be more about insurance, but i figured therapists probably need to be pretty well versed in any potential weak spots in confidentiality. thanks!", "answer": "yes.  most insurance companies will send either by mail or electronically a statement to the person who's name is on the insurance regarding what services the insurance company paid for.     so in this case, if someone is on their parent's insurance and goes to therapy, the client will have signed a release of information to the insurance company so that the therapist is able to bill the company, or else the client couldn't use their insurance.     other than a statement showing the dates that the person attended therapy, the parent doesn't have any access to specific records, tx plans, or the therapist's notes.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f2a78n", "comment_id": "f2a78n"}, {"question": "running out of psych meds, can't get in touch with clinic", "description": "age: 39  sex: m  height: 6'  weight: 220  race: white  duration of complaint: na  location: brain  any existing relevant medical issues: psych  current medications: paliperidone(oral),  mirtazapine, valium, prazosin, gabapentin, seroquel      don't know what to do. i had an appointment last week at the clinic canceled because the person i see was sick for refills. have been trying to get in touch with them, no results. pharmacy has faxed requests for refill, unanswered.  i will be out of my paliperidone(12mg/day), gabapentin(1200/day), and mirtazapine(30mg/day) tomorrow evening. i still had a prescription for valium(30mg/day), prazosin(3mg/day) and seroquel left.  is there anything i can do if i don't get in touch with the clinic? will my primary doctor be able to fill these? should i ration the pills i have to last longer? really at a loss especially with things closing down. i'm very afraid to stop the medicine that i do not have abruptly. should i go to the hospital if i can't contact them?", "answer": "your primary care doctor is allowed to refill these medications, but its up to him or her whether to do so. documentation that these are supposed to be prescribed helps, but the pharmacy records can provide that.  call your pcp and ask tomorrow as well as calling your psychiatrist's clinic again. see if there is a message saying who is providing backup coverage.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fjvy1t", "comment_id": "fjvy1t"}, {"question": "can a toxic relationship ever become healthy?", "description": "hi redditers,  throwaway account, because my (f30) boyfriend (m30) is on reddit as well.  i'm in a quite toxic relationship. i know that! but ending it is quite a hard step, which i'm not ready to do quite yet. we have wonderful times together and can laugh a lot and cuddle a lot and all quite relaxed, we have been on vacation with his kids recently, everything great. (which is probably why ending it is so damn hard).  but then the downside. i do not want to blame anyone! i think its the mixture of the two of us. but our fights, well, we are both stubborn people, and they  escalate! none of us wants to give in and then old problems are raised again and they last for days. there has been the occasional scuffling, nothing bad, like pushing away. but definitely not nice either. yesterday it escalated. he was drunk, i was tipsy as well (for both not a regular thing, but there was a party). well, i have a black eye. he has bite marks. i say, i had to defend myself, he says the same (i do not want to go into too much detail, trying to write objective here). he is not usually aggressive, and i'm not either. so i'm trying to tell myself, it was just really bad timing, a mixture of lots of different negative things.   tldr; can a relationship ever recover from something like that? can a relationship change so much, that it becomes \"untoxic\"/healthy? i really want to believe it can... but the friends that i have told the story to say: run! but i love that guy. it's crazy! any help? any insights? any success stories? ", "answer": "only with a lot of counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u9642", "comment_id": "6u9642"}, {"question": "i want it to stop", "description": "i want to stop feeling like shit everyday. i want to stop wanting to kill myself every time i'm alone. i want to sleep for more than two hours every goddamn night. i just want to feel mentally good for the first time since i was 12. fuck.", "answer": "what are you doing to help make it stop? are you in therapy? are you developing healthy relationships? are you doing self care? are you reflecting on your daily struggles and successes to keep growing as a person and learning how to be a stable human being?", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "bxfga9", "comment_id": "bxfga9"}, {"question": "my mom took my ripped out diary pages from the trash and hid them in her closet to read. do i have the right to be mad?", "description": "okay. too start off, here's why i even have a diary.  1: i'm questioning my gender and sexuality but i have conservative parents who know this fact. it's too much for me to not write down my thoughts.   2: i have a lot of anxiety, gender dysphoria and depression. it's hard for me not to vent to at least my private journal.  so i keep a journal that harbors all my private thoughts, my deepest secrets, and issues. i don't hold back because it makes me feel like someones listening to me without being judgmental. i love poetry and books and i'm very quiet which doesn't help the fact that i'm home schooled. i have no friends and i don't trust the family i live with, though i do have a sister-in-law who's closer to me than my full blooded sister, which is why i don't like to call her my sister-in-law. but she lives up in tennessee and it's kind of hard to call someone when you're grounded from your phone, so i keep to myself.   okay, back to my journal. recently, i through out some pages in my journal because i felt bad about some of the things i said. see, i write most of the stuff in there raw or in the heat of the moment. today, i thought me and this other family were going to the gym to work out like normal so, i looked in my moms closet for a sports bra. my moms closet has a shelf at the top for hats and such. on that shelf i saw some oddly familiar bunched up pieces of paper, partly shoved under a rectangular picture frame. when i pulled of the paper i was mortified. it was the same paper i through away! i took the papers and ran them to my room to put them in my closet.   i know it has to be my mom who stole them because my dad's out all day, and my mom takes out the trash. this isn't the first time she done something like this. what should i do??", "answer": "of course you have the right to be mad, you have the right to some privacy. granted, you're a teenager (i assume), so the privacy you have is limited, but it's important because you're figuring out your identity and who you are, separate from your parents - this is an important part of growing up.  now, as for what to do... you said your parents are conservative, but you didn't mention specifically how they feel about your gender/sexuality. have they shown disapproval in the past?  your mom may have taken those diary pages, which is not ok... but i wonder why she hasn't confronted you about them. she may just be trying to understand where you are coming from and what you are thinking. many people of conservative upbringing simply don't understand what its like being lgbt+ just because they've never known anyone who was.  i recommend talking to them about it. i don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, so use your judgment as for how to go about it - but maybe explaining some of the thoughts you have, and how it makes you feel that they invaded your privacy - without getting confrontational about it - might be helpful. it might not, tbf. but make it clear to them that you want to get along with them, you just want to be accepted for who you are, and you want the space to figure this stuff out without judgment. good luck", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "f9bn9c", "comment_id": "f9bn9c"}, {"question": "almost 2 weeks but depressed all the time", "description": "as my badge says i'm a few weeks sober.  i know that life wouldn't magically get better once i sobered up.  however i've just been depressed almost the whole time.  i'm consumed about how fucked my life has become and how nothing will get better. i don't enjoy anything that i used to enjoy.  i wouldn't say i'm suicidal but i wouldn't care if i died right now.  just sharing my thoughts and still not drinking today.", "answer": "i have found that while my crushing struggles with anxiety have all but vanished, depression has definitely been worse at times. my theory is that i was just drinking it away for the last ten years. many things about sobriety have been amazing--especially passed the 30 day mark--but that hasn't been one of them.   take it easy, and see a doc if it doesn't get better soon. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5zkvww", "comment_id": "5zkvww"}, {"question": "knee problem since i was 13, every doctor i've been to says i just need to stretch more.", "description": "* age 27 * sex m * height 5'9\" * weight 160lbs * race white * duration of complaint 14 years * location (geographic and on body) houston, right knee * any existing relevant medical issues (if any) none * current medications (if any) none  i've had issues with my right knee since i was 13, was diagnosed with osgood-schlatter disease, but the symptoms from that disappeared when i turned 18, however i've continued to have knee issues whenever i put too much weight on my right knee for an extended period of time or walk/run for a very extended amount of time. it has limited what exercises i'm able to do at the gym, exercises that really make it hurt are squats, deadlift, leg press, and running on treadmill for 30+ minutes, i've had to avoid these exercises. i've been to three doctors, all specializing in orthopedics. first doctor gave me an x-ray with nothing showing, second just gave me medication saying it was inflamed, third gave me a pamphlet to a rehab center.   it's hurting, slightly behind, the widest part of the tibia, and from what i have been able to look up, the lateral collateral ligament and medial collateral ligament are where it's hurting at. not along the ligament but at that single point of the tibia on both sides. i can't post any photos at the moment, but later i can mark the point if necessary and post it.", "answer": "in your case, you might find that any operative procedure would cause more harm than good.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5krs1f", "comment_id": "5krs1f"}, {"question": "my wife let me know she was leaving me yesterday. two weeks after our anniversary, two weeks before my birthday. sober for 298 days, though.", "description": "but shit am i struggling today.   this is surreal. i\u2019m in a daze. i have no real friends here, they were all the husbands of couple friends.   there was no cheating. no abuse. on either side.   she said she hasn\u2019t been happy for a year or more...  i\u2019m fucking lost right now.   edit: we met at a neutral place and had a talk. this is happening...i\u2019ve busied myself and visited my grandmother and doing some work from home. tomorrow will be day 299. thanks for all the kind words everyone. ", "answer": "it sometimes happens that a person marries an alcoholic so that they have someone who is dependent and who they can control. and when that person gets sober they begin asserting themselves. it\u2019s as if their partner suddenly changed personalities. there needs be be a reacquainting because the difference between sober self and drinking self is profound.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8qczf8", "comment_id": "8qczf8"}, {"question": "was i unethically abandoned or am i just being dramatic?", "description": "what do you all think of this situation?  i had been seeing a therapist, who i liked a lot and really trusted, for my depression for nearly a year. she used to work in a high security prison, so i figured my issues would be small potatoes to her. i was hospitalized a year into seeing her for being a danger to myself. while in the hospital, she called the ward and told a nurse to pass along the message to me that i wouldn\u2019t be her client anymore. i was devastated to hear this.  after i was discharged, i called her office and left a few voicemails just to find out the reason for the abrupt termination and to ask for a referral. nothing crazy. she wouldn\u2019t answer my calls or call me back.   i left the hospital, at probably the lowest point in my life, and was left feeling like i had done something wrong and like i was beyond help.   i can understand and respect if she felt she wasn\u2019t the right fit for me any longer, but never actually hearing anything from her was the real kicker.   am i wrong for feeling so messed up about this? thanks a bunch.", "answer": " my initial thought is that she may have been fired or otherwise disciplined and can't see you. (you can check the board 'a website to see her status . if a psychologist forgets to pay fees or does not complete continuing education, they can be suspended).based on what you have shared,  the only other way this could be ethical/ not abandonment is if she thinks she is somehow harming you. for example,  if something that happened in therapy was related to your hospitalization.   i know some dbt therapists have contracts with clients re self harm / suicide attempts , but if this was the issue , you would know.  this is what the apa ethics code says about this:  3.12 interruption of psychological services unless otherwise covered by contract, psychologists make reasonable efforts to plan for facilitating services in the event that psychological services are interrupted by factors such as the psychologist's illness, death, unavailability, relocation, or retirement or by the client's/patient's relocation or financial limitations.  10.10 terminating therapy (a) psychologists terminate therapy when it becomes reasonably clear that the client/patient no longer needs the service, is not likely to benefit, or is being harmed by continued service. (b) psychologists may terminate therapy when threatened or otherwise endangered by the client/patient or another person with whom the client/patient has a relationship. (c) except where precluded by the actions of clients/patients or third-party payors, prior to termination psychologists provide pretermination counseling and suggest alternative service providers as appropriate.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f4ick0", "comment_id": "f4ick0"}, {"question": "i have a separate voice in my head that i hear and interact with on a daily basis.", "description": "using a throwaway.  so i have told my therapist this but i kind of...downplayed how important the voice is in my head.  i talk to the voice aaalll the time, almost on a constant basis.  and it\u2019s not like i\u2019m lonely.  i have a ton of friends that i spend time with and talk to on a regular basis but the voice is still always there.  he is actually the one who convinced me to go to therapy because my depression and anxiety was getting really bad and he wanted me to get help.  i told my therapist that he\u2019s there to just help me through problems i have (which he does...we bounce ideas off of each other until a solution comes up) and it was like having someone to talk to who couldn\u2019t tell someone else my problems.  she told me not to worry about it because it just sounds like a coping mechanism but i also wasn\u2019t completely honest with her about the importance of the voice in my head and i also wasn\u2019t honest that it was separate.  she just thought my \u201cthought voice\u201d is masculine instead of being a separate entity.  i just didn\u2019t correct her.", "answer": "hey, i'm a little late to this thread but even if you're hearing voices, *it doesn't have to be a bad thing*. some people hear supportive or neutral voices and there's nothing wrong with that! voices aren't all scary or bad.  i am *not* saying you have schizophrenia or anything like that as i'm not your therapist, but here's a cool ted talk i watched a while back from someone who hears voices if you're interested.  WEBLINK  there's nothing wrong with bringing up your experience with your therapist if you haven't already. you obviously have some thoughts and concerns about what you're experiencing, even if the experience isn't negative, and it's therefore something worth discussing.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwqah3", "comment_id": "bwqah3"}, {"question": "how do people with asperger's manage open relationships?", "description": "bf has asperger's.  he and i have been together for two years+.  we decided to open our relationship mainly because he wants to experiment certain things that i'm really not into.  he's focusing mostly on his physical desire to have sex with other people.  what i've tried to explain but he seems to be somewhat unaware is that from those random sexual encounters someone somewhere is bound to become emotionally attached and expect more.  i've done extensive research about open relationships, and i fear that the stress of managing emotional needs from different people may be too much for him (he already gets overwhelmed with one gf, and i know i provide an emotionally stable environment), so i mentioned to him that it may be easier for him and me to actively manage our emotional needs in our relationship and make it flourish and just use this open status to act on impulses if they happen/fall on our lap instead of actively pursuing other relationships. we have a strict set of rules, and we will revisit the situation in a week to compare notes.  i realize i could have posted this in nonmonogamy, but i believe that in this case aspergers is a better sub.  any advice on the situation will be appreciated.  anything we can do better?  thanks in advance.", "answer": "socially competent people suck at open relationships.  good luck with an aspie.  sorry for being a debbie downer.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1jds5n", "comment_id": "1jds5n"}, {"question": "bad chest pains, weakness, despite doctors saying i'm ok (19yf)", "description": "19 skinny, but cheap diet. no work out regimen. so i have pvcs pretty often, that's a common thing, so i take tenormin 25mg once a day. without the pills my resting heart rate would be fast as hell usually 90 or so. i get this feeling of someone squeezing my heart all the time and now it's just worrisome, my pulse is so hard like i'm getting hit in the chest.  i'm a pretty stressful person and i have bad anxiety, but i really don't think that's what it is. i spent a lot of time learning about myself and my mental issues so when people say 'it's just anxiety' i get so annoyed.   this week i've had the squeezing pain almost 24/7, i was getting lightheaded and my lips got really swollen (probably from the prednisone i'm on for an allergic reaction) i went to the doctor bp was normal but i went to the er right away i was just scared and chest pains aren't to be ignored, especially when you take beta blockers for pvcs.   got to the er (it was actually a quick-ish comfortable place) i told them about my chest pains and trouble breathing so they hooked me up, i got an ekg and chest x-ray, as well as blood tests for dehydration i think. they said everything was fine! i asked what i should do about the chest pains that are so scary for me. they literally said just take tylenol. what?? they prescribed something for the \"vertigo\" i had but i didn't get that filled because that's not what it is i get lightheaded all the time and i don't know maybe i'm stubborn but there's no way it's just vertigo. that was my second opinion, i've been to a cardiologist who told me i was too young to be there. f u!   well last night i had more of a heartburn like feeling all over my chest, and my heart feels weak like i just got out of an open heart surgery. this morning it's more weak and so so tired! i know the steroids can increase heart rate but i just have a really bad feeling. i can breathe ok it's just the tightness in my chest right now.   can someone help me so i can get the help i really need? could the problem be somewhere else? i have an extensive list of problems so please ask me anything! lol ", "answer": "honestly, i don't think it's sinister. you might not want to hear this, but it does sound anxiety-related.  edit: might be worthwhile considering an alternative to atenolol, like an ssri.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4x98w5", "comment_id": "4x98w5"}, {"question": "what\u2019s the best way to ask out girls in college classes and get a yes?", "description": "especially if you\u2019ve know them for weeks?", "answer": "have you been speaking to them regularly for weeks in 1 on 1 kind of scenarios?  if so then you're good to go.  as a few others said, figure out something to do for a date, ask her if she wants to do it with you.  if she says no because she doesn't seem interested in that activity, just give her your number in case she changes her mind or wants to hang out some time.     if you haven't talked to her much outside of class conversations or group conversations, find a way to spark up conversation when it's just the two of you.  could just be about class stuff or anything else.  if you try to ask her on a date and you haven't had at least a good amount of small talk or social interaction, i'd say your chances are pretty slim.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8wayrz", "comment_id": "8wayrz"}, {"question": "how do i fight off my sexual fantasy?", "description": "i'll keep this one simple as i can  been with my current girlfriend for 2 years, things are great. we've known each other for a lot longer than that. both interested in getting married in a couple years.   lately, i've been having the urge to sate a sexual fantasy of mine.  i really like milfs/cougar/older women. i'm 25 right now and i know the older i get the less interesting the fantasy will become to me, but its just something that turns me one  when i was single i'd been with two older women, one when i was 21 and another 23, met them online on okcupid and craigslist  anyways, lately, that fantasy/fetish has been itching at me and i just really want to fuck a milf again  the problem is i know my girlfriend would never be open to it.   shes pretty open sexually, we communicate good, she reads smut and i watch porn and we are both extremely open and honest about our sexuality with each other, very positive  i just don't know how to bring this up to her, i don't want her to think i want to cheat on her or do something dishonest  i just don't know what else to do, the only other option would be to just play my cards with a burner email account and stay private but i feel like that just doesn't feel good to me  what should i do", "answer": "if one needs to play out fantasies, they are not ready to be in a committed relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q5649", "comment_id": "5q5649"}, {"question": "should i forgive him", "description": "so i'm in quite a peculiar situation. my boyfriend cheated and says it made realize he had fallen in love with me.  i'm a senior in college and i've been dating this guy for almost a year. it was very light and fun at first because we both new we were graduating but we ultimately fell head over heels for each other.   since we are graduating soon, we started having talks about our relationship and the likelihood of it ending as we are going separate ways due to job opportunities. we stayed together because our relationship was so special but neither of us had openly admitted that we'd be willing to try long distance.   two weeks ago, things got heavy and i realized that i gebuinely wanted to see where our relationship could go after graduation. he told me he loved me and that he had been holding it in. i reciprocated and we got even closer than before.   today, i told him flat out that i want to be with him after graduation and i would regret it if we didn't try to make this work long distance. he fought me a little, being very wary of the concept until he got extremely emotional. he told me he had slept with someone and that it happened the night before he told me he loved me.   after some screaming (my part) and begging (his part) and crying (mutual) i let him talk. it was a classmate of his that was going through the same relationship issue and didn't know what to do. they had bonded over that.   he explained that he did it as a sort of self sabotage, because he didn't want it to be as hard to break up. he figured if he did something so bad, it would help him move on. he said that immediately after, though we had only talked about going our separate ways, he knew that he was in love with me and had made the biggest mistake of his life.   the next day he told me he loved me and i was oblivious. i had noticed the change in him though and i could see in his eyes the way he looked at me. i have never felt that close to anyone in my life.   he says that he wasn't going to tell me he had cheated because we are going our separate ways in a month and he didn't want to put that pain on me if it wasn't necessary.  the reason he broke down and told me was because when i said i wanted to stay together after graduation, he knew that he wanted to as well. he also knew that he couldn't stay with me without telling me of the night 2 weeks ago that ultimately forced him to realize this fact.   please help. i have been cheated on before and have had no trouble kicking the guy to the curb with a firm \"good riddence\". but this guy is special. and i truly believe him. i just don't know if i can forgive him or trust him. is it worth it?", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68kdkw", "comment_id": "68kdkw"}, {"question": "my psycologist told me to write something like this", "description": "she told me to have someone else presenting me in third person, so i wrote this:  \"do you know who rafael is he is a cool man, yeah he might  be weird to you either in the begging, or always  he is not the usual guy that you hang around with, but damn\u2026 if he ever gives you his hand, trust him he doesn't has a knife in his back, nor is he crossing his fingers  he might be toug when you  first meet him, but he isn't masking himself,  he is just protecting himself against the world  he has suffered, may be a little, and others have suffered way more than him, but you know what? life is not about comparisons, so it doesn't matter who suffers the most  no one deserves to suffer  he used to trust in everyone, yeah\u2026 a bad decision  his body and his mind aren't syncronized, since  he lives in this world, but his mind is idealized  his uncle once told him: \"you know what has idealism given to me only? my friends and others were slaughtered in the 68\u2026  nothing more, nor less\"  he told his uncle that it was understandable\u2026 that idealism hasn't given something good to him but, what about french revolution?  we need more people who are willing to give their lives for what they standing against to  they say: \"better die stood up, than live on your knees\"  and nothing is going to change his mind,  not at all  but he is wise, because bro\u2026 he doesn't want to die it is not showing off but, imagine having such potential, but\u2026 someone too stupid that didn't like his way of thinking killed him\u2026 such waste\u2026\"  i know that if i ask for someone to tell me if it is right, it is like needing a confirmation, which isn't \"good\", and that is not what i am looking for. what i am looking for is about what you think of the presentation ", "answer": "rafael seems like a good guy who has been through a lot.   since only you know rafael (you), only you know if this is \"right\" or not. i will say that it seems like you have some good insight into who you are and your motivations. i imagine that this writing would be helpful to discuss with your psychologist. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "35wrtc", "comment_id": "35wrtc"}, {"question": "do feelings actually change? my boyfriend (m/20) said he could never love me (f/19) and then months later essentially took back everything he said.", "description": "long story short. i said \"i love you\" to early in the relationship and he dumped me because he didn't feel the same way and had no romantic feelings for me.    we kept hooking up after that as \"friends wth benefits\" and somehow made our way back to girlfriend/boyfriend status and he admitted he loved me (at first he said it was familial love and then eventually conceded that his feelings for me were romantic.)   my question is, should i trust this and is this the kind of guy i want to let myself fall deeper in love with?", "answer": "i dumped my wife after a month in 1968 and wrote to her 10 years later.  just had our 38th anniversary.  trust is consistency over time. if he acts like he's in love, and talks like he's in love, and that goes on consistently, then you'll have your answer", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5taxtr", "comment_id": "5taxtr"}, {"question": "current medication and alcohol", "description": "hello,  i was hoping someone could maybe help clear this up for me. i'm going to a social gathering later and was wondering if i could have any alcohol. i'll start off by saying i've never drank before. i wouldn't really have much alcohol, if any while i'm there, but was still curious. if anything, it would be a minimal amount (i can't even really say how much it'd be). though obviously, i'm not a drinker.  ​  i'm currently on metronidazole 250mg twice a day, for pouchitis (j-pouch). last dose was taken at 1pm. i am also taking tramadol hcl 50mg when needed for hip/back due to ankylosing apondylitis and other hip issues.  ​  i was planning to take a tramadol before leaving, so i can function better throughout the night. is this okay if i possibly also have some alcohol?  ​  i'm very careful with all my medications.  i'm a 25 year old white male.  5' 3'' and about 105lbs.  ​  thank you so much in advance!  ​", "answer": "if you're on metronidazole you shouldn't drink at all. the medication causes a \"disulfiram-like reaction\" and causes even small amounts of alcohol to make you feel very ill with flushing, vomiting, and dizziness. some people describe it as an instant hangover. it's not very dangerous to drink, but it likely is very miserable. you've said you're not a drinker, so just don't drink while taking that antibiotic.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9vpp6s", "comment_id": "9vpp6s"}, {"question": "recreational cannabis usage while on low doses of sertraline", "description": "how likely is a young man in his early 20s of average weight and above average height to experience ill effects of smoking cannabis once every month or so while continually taking sertraline 50mg? what type of ill effects are to be expected if likely and are they likely to be fatal?  tl;dr am i gonna die if i get high this weekend?", "answer": "you're not gonna die.  cannabis use tends to worsen anxiety chronically, but i don't know of anything suggestive about very occasional recreational use with or without ssris. it's probably as safe as cannabis for anyone, which is to say mostly but not entirely safe.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aqevte", "comment_id": "aqevte"}, {"question": "pwbpd split on me ( fp) how do i introduce myself back into her life w/o setting her off?", "description": " my ex who has bpd split on me a little over 1 month ago and things ended pretty badly. i was her fp for roughly 5 years and we were very very close. our relationship was very intense but we are best friends and have gone through so much together. out of the 5 years that she's been in my life she's only left me once. this fight, however,  has been the biggest of them all. nonetheless, i don't want to lose her.  i' m trying to slowly introduce myself back into her life and i want to make sure that i'm not being overbearing.   * her birthday was a few days ago and i texted her happy birthday. she responded with a simple \"thanks.\" i didn't push or try to start a convo because i didn't want to aggravate her or trigger her on her birthday * the next day i wake and i get a text from her that says something like: \"i may come around some time in the future (in regards to  speaking with me again) because i  do miss our friendship. but i need time for things to simmer down and i need to think about a different approach..you understand?\" i responded back \"yes, i understand. i'll be here when you're ready to talk.\" * the following day i thought maybe my text was too cold so i texted her again saying \"my apologies if my message came off cold but i miss our friendship too and i do hope you had an amazing birthday.\" she responded back: \"no worries.\" * i texted her today saying \"good afternoon! i hope you have an amazing day\" she responded \"thanks you too.\"  i understand that all persons with bpd are different and not the same. but what do you guys think? or put differently, what do you guys prefer when you're coming down from a split from your fp? should i continue to send her \"have a good day texts\" everyone once and while? should i  try to slowly push for a 10minute phone conversation.? should i just back off and slowly let her come to me? i really don't want to blow this up. she means so much to me and i while i have been focusing on myself in her absence, i can't deny that i miss her very much.", "answer": "i think you should take the hint and leave her alone", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "gjcych", "comment_id": "gjcych"}, {"question": "when i\u2019m shown physical and emotional affection", "description": "i have to deflect it by being an asshole and pushing them away. only when they want to leave do i finally realize how much of an asshole i was.  exhausting.", "answer": "maybe try rewriting this but as if you were your own therapist. it seems like there is so much you could change within just this simple statement.   the bpd paradox: getting better needs validation but is going to include a bunch of invalidating components, like catching your thoughts and challenging them. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "807hpf", "comment_id": "807hpf"}, {"question": "i realized something horrible about my depression and now i'm terrified", "description": "having depression ruins our general interactions with people. i believe we all know this. however, i also realized i might never be able to be a parent because i would be so unfit as a person with depression. in addition, we are constantly told \"if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else\". i might never end up with anyone. so i will literally most likely end up alone and childless if my depression never improves or goes away. i'm terrified now. ", "answer": "do what you can to come back into the moment.  realize you are responding with fear to ideas which are not real in front of you, at best possibilities which may not come true.  breath slowly and deeply to relax and ground yourself.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2qf8b0", "comment_id": "2qf8b0"}, {"question": "how do you know if antidepressants are working?", "description": "i've tried two different types (one ssri and currently taking a snri) but they don't seemed to have helped that much. as a very 'kind' doctor once said to me \"they're not magic pills\" \ud83d\ude12 i mean i'm less suicidal right now but idk if that's the tablets or i'm playing a game that's very distracting at the moment. i still have 0 motivation and have many zombie days where i can't even find the will to get out of bed. can anyone give any help or advice that isn't \"it's different for everyone\" cause that isn't very helpful to me", "answer": "may i ask how long you've been taking your current med?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "elsi70", "comment_id": "elsi70"}, {"question": "please help explain ct brain scan diagnosis. possible alzheimer?", "description": "hello, the below is the diagnosis of a family member after receiving a brain scan. the doctor was not able to give a satisfactory explanation so we are not sure where we stand. possible alzheimer diagnosis?  any comments appreciated.  clinical history:\u00a0  c/o poor short term memory.\u00a0 also reports feeling more unsteady on feet past 1 year.  gp cog 7 / 9. dementia work up  requested by :  bleep :  ct head: there is focal dilation of the right temporal horn.\u00a0 the ventricular system and csf spaces are otherwise within normal limits.\u00a0 there are low  attenuation foci in the region of the capsule on the right and the periventricular regions bilaterally. the former may represent a perivascular space.\u00a0 the latter are more in keeping with established lacunar infarcts. there is no significant periventricular small vessel ischaemic change.  no other focal intracerebral abnormality. no bony abnormality.  age 62  height 5ft 7,  female  non smoker, doesnt drink  no other medical issues  poor short term memory.\u00a0 also reports feeling more unsteady on feet past 1 year.", "answer": "\"lacunar infarcts\" means very small strokes in the deep brain. it's impossible to know exactly what they mean or if they have any symptoms, but they're at least consistent with multi\\-infarct or vascular dementia, but that in more a clinical diagnosis than a radiological one.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8jkghw", "comment_id": "8jkghw"}, {"question": "don't know what to do", "description": "i come from a long line of alcoholics on my dad's side. i have never picked up that habit, but unfortunately, my brother did. he used to get drunk and just hang out, but lately, he has been getting violent. he can't keep a job, which is sad because he is a really talented chef, and he is currently living with my mother. he is 37 years old. last night, my mom sent me a picture of her gas grill. it was dented in from where he smashed it. i called her and could hear him yelling in the background. he was telling her she was a bitch and telling her to fuck off. i talked to my other brother in raleigh and he and i agreed that the cops needed to be called. he called them from raleigh, and i called them from wilmington. (north carolina)  the cops got to the house and said they couldn't arrest him. i have no idea why. he was destroying my mom's house and they couldn't do anything? wtf??  after the cops left, i was talking to my mom on the phone. i heard him say, \"you called the fucking cops on me? fucking bitch!\" i told my mom to tell him it was me who called the cops. a few minutes later i am getting texts from him telling me \"i hope you die, bitch.\" and \"have a nice retarded life with your kids.\" (my kids are autistic)  i am at a total loss on what to do. i told my mom she needed to kick his ass out of the house. let him live in a shelter or whatever, but he couldn't stay there. it is only a matter of time before he does something to her. i'm sorry for the post, but i had to vent, and i figured this would be the place to do it.  thanks for reading. ", "answer": "is he also in the triangle?", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h9kc8", "comment_id": "1h9kc8"}, {"question": "[24/m] cheated on [19/f].how do i tell her?", "description": "been together for 3 years.we had a long distance relationship,and never had sex when i visited cause her parents were there.  i couldnt cope with not having sex for so long,and yesterday i got drunk and used it as an excuse to cheat...  how do i tell her?she will be devastated,and really i don't see this relationship going anywhere anymore,we don't even talk as a couple.but,if i leave her she will be alone,as her social life isn't that great..  any advice is welcome,and sorry for the formating or any grammar mistakes.", "answer": "most would not consider this cheating. imo, ldr is not really a relationship. and you never had sex, which makes it less of one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lssou", "comment_id": "6lssou"}, {"question": "what do you think of tinder?", "description": "i'm not sure about the idea of finding someone through tinder? it almost seems too forced. but what do you think?", "answer": "anything that allows you to meet someone new is a good thing. like anything else, u just have to be careful and go slow", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "79cuy2", "comment_id": "79cuy2"}, {"question": "seek for advice in work setting", "description": "i worked at a children care center and today i had a pretty bad conflict with my colleague. i feel she's been bullied me and very bossy. i literally dislike her a lot and at the end i broke into crying very bad. i had a talk with my boss about it, but i don't know what to do with that person i argued with while i have to meet her everyday. anyone ever has same situation and any advice about it? really appreciate it. ", "answer": "a boss should take the responsibility of mediating a permanent resolution", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vlil6", "comment_id": "5vlil6"}, {"question": "how common is it for therapists to recommend people get dogs ?", "description": "   i read on another sub reddit about a woman who's \" therapist told her to get a puppy to help her cope and to help her kids deal with some stuff\"  2 question  1. how common is it for therapists to do this? 2. is there any proof that this really benefits people  now i know there are some  pet lovers who declare their animal is an esa, just so they can bring them anywhere they want.  but telling someone who isn't necessarily interested in owning a dog that they should get one for their own good or the good of their family seems pretty irresponsible.  dog are a lot of work/expensive, i would think this is a perfect recipe for dogs being neglected or sent to the pound.", "answer": "i don't know how common this is as a clinician recommendation, but i can answer this question:  >is there any proof that this really benefits people  no. general wellbeing between pet owners and non-pet owners is about the same. while many folks report getting great emotional comfort from their pets, there is almost certainly a self-selection piece there. no one (to my knowledge) has randomly assigned pet ownership to people (for ethical reasons), meaning we are very limited in our ability to make causal statements. the correlational research is complex and does not clearly favor one option or the other. the most reliable correlations between pet ownership and owner wellness are actually physical health related-- e.g. faster recovery after heart attacks, better cardiovascular health. but again, it's totally plausible that healthier people are more likely to take on the responsibility of having a pet.   i am a huge animal lover. however, i, personally, would never recommend an animal to a client. i am happy to support people in getting an animal if they decide they want one. i also have worked with clients to make other plans to interact with animals, such as volunteering at the humane society, making a plan to walk someone else's dog on a regular schedule, or making a plan to visit another animal setting such as an aquarium (something we can randomly assign people to do and something that does potentially show some causal mental health benefits). in these cases, i am usually coming from a behavioral activation perspective, and would only go this route if the client expressed an interest in associating with animals. (behavioral activation does have a robust evidence base for treatment of depression.)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hb2avy", "comment_id": "hb2avy"}, {"question": "injectable abilify was administered in the wrong place - questions concerning an overdose", "description": "so my girlfriend (24 year old female, 5'5\") was prescribed injectable abilify to be administered monthly. she also takes lithium. the injection goes into her gluteus maximus, but the nurse applied the shot a lot higher - much more like her lower back than her buttock.  not being medical professionals, we weren't overly concerned until she started having a pretty bad reaction, assumedly to the shot. mostly nausea and a very clouded and fragmented mind. she went to the er, where they did a psych eval and a blood test, but we noticed when we got home that the blood test did not look for abilify levels on the results sheet.  so the next day, with her feeling no better, she went back to her family doctor to ask them what to do. they said there wasn't much to be done other than rest and drink lots of fluid in hopes of flushing it out. it's been two days full days now, and she says she feels less nauseous, but her head still feels \"cloudy\".  does anyone have any experience with this kind of situation? i.e. with a self dosing injectable medication being administered into the wrong location? with abilify overdose, if that's what the case is? how long can we expect these symptoms to last? is there anything we should be doing in the meantime?  thanks for reading, and for any advice that happens my way.", "answer": "there's no major issue giving an aripiprazole depot in the location you specified, as long as it went into muscle. also you dont check aripiprazole levels (it doesnt tell you anything useful - its easier to note toxicity through [extrapyramidal symptoms](WEBLINK)). it should be fine in the long run.  admittedly, im not sure why it was administered in the location you describe rather than into the backside as usual.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vsb7n", "comment_id": "5vsb7n"}, {"question": "the progression of too many tabs", "description": "* step 1: leave things open in tabs for months because \"i'm going to need that information for something at some point in the future.\"  * step 2: have so many tabs open that i can no longer see what any of them are. split off some of them into a new window, maybe even splitting off related tabs if i'm feeling particularly organized.  * step 3: repeat steps 1 and 2 several times.  * step 4 (optional): maybe go through and bookmark some sites and disregard others to close those tabs. barely make a dent.  * step 5: end up with 4 windows open with approximately 50 tabs each. use up 100% of computer's ram doing absolutely nothing.  * step 6?: get fed up with this, go through and copy and paste the urls into a .txt file with a short description of why i think i'll need them. save this .txt file as something like \"notes7.txt\" along with all of the other notes files in my gigantic dump of a downloads folder.  * step 7: enjoy not having my computer fan rev up anytime i open my browser, for a while, until  * step 8: repeat from step 1. *wwhhyyyyyyy*", "answer": "i do this with an extra step. adding the related tabs into their own desktop. then end up with 7 desktops and a thousand programs open with infinite tabs, none of which i will use because i will get annoyed and close them all at once one day.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "bnrq3h", "comment_id": "bnrq3h"}, {"question": "well, i'm basically a horrible person.", "description": "i [m23] am madly in love with my girlfriend of almost 2 years [f20], and she is as madly in love with me. it's crazy how we synergize, how we mesh. the sex is amazing, the closeness is unmatched by any other couple i have ever seen...but i have a problem that i seem unable to resolve.   there is another girl.  now, i know what you are thinking, i'm a cheater. but no, that's not it. this other girl is madly in love with me as well, and we have been together previously. she is going through great lengths to get me back, and i have repeatedly told her it's not happening, that i am planning to be married with this girl, that we are over now, and forever.  so, the hook, the problem...she keeps tempting me, and i don't know what to do. she's basically my best friend, outside of the whole \"she-wants-me-back\" thing. we are close, and when there isn't that romantic pressure, we have fun together. we talk, laugh, joke, whatever. but recently, things have gotten a little..racey.   we joke about sex all the time, we talk about it. nothing across the line of being faithful to my so, you know, just general talk. but, she sent me a picture. of her. with crazy cleavage. it's so pronounced, it's obvious what she did. my default response is to ask my so about it...but she's a crazy jealous gf. she'd demand that i discontinue contact permanently.   on the other hand...isn't my friend earning that by crossing that line?  further more, somehow she got me into this discussion about nudes. about it just being for fun, or for me to help her feel attractive, or because she's started this new diet/exercise thing, to be there for her throughout the progress as a bestfriend-workout partner thing.   it's drawing all sorts of moral confusion in me. on one hand, she's my best friend. i can't just abandon her. we've been through hell and back, her mom having cancer, me being tossed out at 15 and working through depression. we've bonded as friends.  on the other, the love of my life deserves respect, and i love her with everything i am. i don't know how to work this out with everyone winning, if that is even possible.  so reddit, the tl;dr :  i'm an honorable guy, with no tolerance to cheating and the like. however my bestfriend is making advances that i am not sure how to deal with, as i don't want to lose either her or my bride-to-be. i don't know if i should shut her out of my life, or to somehow deal with this.   help.   what do i do!?  edit: i just realized i left out a crucial part; when she brought up nudes, i said no. instantly. we haven't really talked since, and now i'm just working out how to deal with her actions in my head.", "answer": "this \"best friend\" doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. she has an agenda and it doesn't seem like she really cares about the boundaries you've been attempting to it down. and just because you guys have history doesn't mean that you have to stick by her when she is displaying inappropriate behavior towards you. \"abandoning\" her just kind of sounds like an excuse. it's not abandonment if she is continuing to be disrespectful. as a woman, i have guy friends that i love and think are incredibly attractive and totally bond with however, i would never ever jeopardize the relationship they are in because that is just pure selfishness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1k54jl", "comment_id": "1k54jl"}, {"question": "dyshidrotic eczema fluid- what is it?", "description": "gender: female age: 21 smoking history: none, though my so smokes near me often weight: ~135lbs height: 5\u20193.5\u201d meds: none medical problems: cat allergy location of complaint: fingers/hands duration of complaint: on and off the past few years or so  i suspect i have a very mild case of this eczema- tiny, itchy blisters forming \u2018deep\u2019 under my skin, usually on my fingertips and the edges of my fingers. when popped, the liquid leaves a sheen behind after drying- it\u2019s definitely not water (if that wasn\u2019t evident before.) what is the liquid inside eczema blisters?", "answer": "eczema blisters, like many blisters, fill with plasma \\(the liquid, non\\-cellular part of blood\\)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8mg68l", "comment_id": "8mg68l"}, {"question": "my so gives me the silent treatment if i bring up an issue in our relationship, i end up apologising and it never gets resolved.", "description": "how do i move past this? its happened more times than i can count now. i approach the subject at hand in a calm and tactful manner (truthfully) but it doesn't seem to matter how carefully i tread, he switches off and he becomes unreachable. he finally gets back to me, sometimes after days, and we never talk about it. i guess after hes silent for that long, i begin to feel relieved he wants to talk again.  help?", "answer": "very unhealthy dynamic. go to counseling or end it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74uoqe", "comment_id": "74uoqe"}, {"question": "can you get an imbalance in serotonin?", "description": "so i started taking an ssri, fluvoxamine, in 2016 for anxiety and panic for about a full year. then i stopped taking the ssris after that full year because i wanted to be independent of them (i.e. flat out stopped taking them, no winding down). then, after 6 months of little to no anxiety, i started having panic attacks again. then i went back on the same dosage of those very ssris. noticed they were making me depressed and scared. also started developing symptoms of a \"silent migraine\" \u2013 dizziness, foggy vision, feeling slightly off balance. can this be correlated to my experience with this med? i also noticed i didn't have this silent migraine for months, and it recently developed a month ago. so then i deloaded off the ssri but the silent migraine won't go away. anyone know why? i went to the doc and he couldn't come up with a conclusion. he said it would go away with time. i should also mention that i did get prescribed panic attack medication, hydroxizine, which i only took once (25 mg), in february. i believe that the dizziness spells (i.e. silent migraine) started happening the day after i took that and won't go away. i should also mention that my state of mind is mostly negative, for example not understanding why the earth exists, being afraid of death, afraid of something bad happening.  maybe it's all in my head? maybe i'm just hyperattentive to detail because of my anxiety? my psychiatrist prescribed to me a new med, luvox; do you think i should take this to try to change my state of mind into a more positive one?", "answer": "luvox isn't a new med, it's the brand name for fluvoxamine.  it's hard to know. ssris can have side effects, including ones produced by an excess of serotonin. it's hard to know what your \"silent migraine\" is, but it sounds like it seems to happen independent of ssris. that could itself be a symptom of anxiety.  these are things that you should talk about with your psychiatrist. have you felt better when not taking an ssri or when you have been, and which ssri? which symptoms do you have when?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8c9h51", "comment_id": "8c9h51"}, {"question": "how do i know when it\u2019s the right time to ask out this girl?", "description": "ok so first off this is obviously a throwaway (of sorts ;) ) here\u2019s the problem:  i have trouble expressing my feelings to people i like. i really like this person, and her friend who is also my friend told me that she doesn\u2019t like anyone, but he said not to move on because i can make her like me. so i started talking to her over the past week or so, and he keeps telling me to just ask her out so i\u2019m not a \u201cbitch\u201d. problem is, i\u2019m scared of rejection making things awkward, and i wouldn\u2019t know how to handle myself. i realllyyyy like this girl though. i think i should wait a little longer until it feels completely right, but i\u2019m worried that time will never come.         my question is will that time where it feels right to ask her out ever come? also, what should i do in my situation? i really need guidance but all my friend basically keeps saying is \u201cdo it\u201d.  thanks so much!", "answer": "simple tip i wish i had learned when i was a lot younger before figuring it out.  never literally \"ask someone out\" if that's indeed what you were planning on.  kids do it all the time i know, i did it too.  essentially when you do that you're saying \"i know we haven't gone on any dates or done anything like that but will you be in a relationship with me?\"  which can be awkward and off-putting.  if you've talked to her before, just ask her if she wants to hang out with you and do .... (whatever you would normally do for fun).  if she asks asks if anyone else is hanging out, just say no.  if she asks if it's a date, say \"yeah why not\".  if she says she doesn't want to or makes excuses or cancels, you know she's not interested.    [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "80fyqq", "comment_id": "80fyqq"}, {"question": "i found out my mom [68/f] is having an affair with a coworker. i tell my dad [68/m] right?", "description": "i found some inappropriate text messages between my mom and a coworker. i don't know if they have done anything sexual or even hung out outside of work. to summarize the text messages they were using pet names for each other, he was constantly calling her beautiful, complementing her outfits, and how good she smelled. i think they were also meeting up during breaks onsite at work. for the most part he was initiating it, and she was mostly responding with a kissy face emoji. this was not easy for me to read. i plan on telling my dad this sunday in person. i don't exactly know how i'm going to tell him, but i feel like i have to. i have no idea what the fallout will be. is telling him the right thing to do?  i guess i'm looking for reassurance.   .  edit: i'm not telling the co-workers wife. i agree not my business. i don't want to hurt my dad or for them to split up. if i was in this situation i would want to know. that's where my thought process is coming from. right now i'm leaning more towards just confronting my mom. then what do i do? i confront her tell her to stop and then stay out of it?", "answer": "stay out of it. don't get in the middle. talk to your mom about your concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7662a3", "comment_id": "7662a3"}, {"question": "my therapist suggested i stop talking to certain people about the inner workings of my mind.", "description": "i have only told three people about my ptsd diagnosis, excluding you guys of course.  1. my boyfriend of over 2 years that i live with. he is also my best friend and, honestly, the only one i've got as a support system.  2. my roommate/friend- the closest person to me besides my boyfriend  3. my mother- i thought she deserved to know.   recently, talking to my boyfriend about the disorder has caused a lot of conflict. i think aloud and often verbalize things i think to him just for the sake of sorting out what's going on in the jumbled mess of my thoughts. often, he interprets this as complaining, me being self-centered, and as a personal attack on how he fails me. it's really not that to me at all. but when he responds negatively to me speaking my thoughts, i feel the need to justify myself and it turns into an argument. i don't want to be selfish but it's hard to think of anyone but myself when i constantly feel unsafe. maslow's hierarchy, you know? i'll never reach self-actualization without first having security. its also frustrating because i want him to understand what's going on with me and i know he tries to empathize, but he really doesn't have a clue. my therapist said to stop talking to him about it for a while. it reduces conflict and helps me come to terms with the fact that he will never completely understand what i'm going through. but i tell him everything! how can i keep something so important all bottled up and restrict communication in our relationship? that can't be good for the relationship, right? my other friend isn't overly concerned with the issue and hasn't mentioned it again so neither have i. i'm fine with this. as for my mother, my therapist thinks she may be a trigger for me and may inhibit my recovery. she's not the cause of the main trauma i remember, but she did attack me once while she was drunk a while back and i felt my life was threatened. it was the cause of me leaving home never to return. but now that i've told her what's going on in my life, she wants to meet and discuss. i dreaded doing this anyway, so maybe he's right about shutting my mouth on this one.  what do you guys think?   *edited for formatting", "answer": "fyi one symptom of ptsd in some people is poor boundaries and wanting to tell people too much, combined with subconsciously trying to reexperience the trauma.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "26x85m", "comment_id": "26x85m"}, {"question": "need a career, personal mental health, physical chronic pain, and relationship counselor", "description": "is there a qualification i should look for that can address all these areas together? i don't want to comparmentalize my therapy and i really dont like pharmaceuticals at all so i'd be avoiding any medications. i'm also financially stressed right now since i lost my job and i qualified for medicaid after losing my job so i dont want to pay out of pocket to avoid additional financial stress if at all possible. and i want a counselor who understands director-level employment as well as self-employment, not just a normal job counselor. being that many counselors never held this level  of responsibility in a job i need somebody that can truly relate and not just textbook scripted advice from somebody who hasn't been there themselves... if this type of counselor actually exists? i tried counseling a few years back for a few visits but i think the advice and medication i got set me back/made me sick rather than helped me.   thanks in advance.", "answer": "it truly depends on your state, your diagnoses and the severity of your mental health issues. i concur that a community mental health clinic is the place to start, as they will know what resources are available in your area.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f1gkaq", "comment_id": "f1gkaq"}, {"question": "tired all the time, until i'm not?", "description": "has anyone noticed that when your disinterested in something you get just absolutely exhausted?    as i looked at the long list of things to accomplish today i made breakfast only to be met with a pull to just go back to bed for a few more hours.     i've encountered this before. i tend to drink a cup of coffee and then not only does it help me focus but i again get more done, but i was doing some thinking about the last 10 years of my life, from 16-26, and i feel like i don't feel more tired than i used to. i get plenty of sleep but it seems like as soon as there's work to do i get exhausted but when i'm enjoying something i'm not tired anymore. this includes the times i feel super tired head to bed and all of a sudden am wide awake watching youtube and enjoying myself.     i have a few theories as to why this happens.    1) hyper focus makes me ignore how tired i really am.  2) coffee is actually making me feel awake and focused not the work.  3) adhd is maybe hyper focusing on the only thing that is \"interesting\" which is dreaming and sleeping for me? thoughts?      tl;dr: i'm tired all the time it seems. looking for ideas as to why that might be? ", "answer": "i just read an article that spoke about this. apparently when you go from hyper focus to something boring quite quickly, it changes the chemicals in your brain to cause fatigue. they don't really know how it works though.  i have only just discovered my adhd symptoms and so much of it blows my mind. i've been struggling with what i thought was fairly transient cfs for a few years now and it turns out it's this. absolute madness.  my mother in law said to me a while ago \"do you think your sleep is a defence mechanism?\" she was trying to nicely say that when i'm uninterested i use being tired as an excuse. unfortunately for me it isn't an excuse, it's an all encompassing full body exhaustion that i have to deal with on top of doing something i hate. it's nice to know i at least have a sort of explanation now.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ak6tga", "comment_id": "ak6tga"}, {"question": "how can i get my therapist to take this more seriously?", "description": "i think i may have osdd-an because i have a lot of people in my head and they take over sometimes, and we used to have a different host. but my therapist is very dismissive, when i say \u201ci\u2019m not the same host we used to have\u201d she says that all people change over time, and when i tell her about switching she says all people act different in different situations. i can see where she\u2019s coming from but i don\u2019t think it\u2019s this drastic to suddenly become an entirely different person with entirely different values. i think my experiences align with osdd-1b the most but also if anyone could point out anything else that matches these symptoms then maybe i can bring those up instead. i just don\u2019t think living as so many different people is \u201cnormal\u201d.", "answer": "how trauma informed is this therapist?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwlu71", "comment_id": "fwlu71"}, {"question": "i feel like i should just give up", "description": "im 16, and i really feel like just giving up on life, i hardly have any friends in school been having a crush on a girl for 2 years now that i think she thinks im a creeper loner, and feel like im missing out on all the wonders of having friends in highschool and hanging out having fun while i just go home everyday and sit on my fucking computer. i want to have friends and have fun like i see everyone else having, but i have tried and i can't fit in to their friends and i just feel im lonely in my school and everyone's staring at me all the time thinking i'm a friendless loser, i want to live with all my heart, but i have no guidance or inspiration too, with how fucked up i see my life now. i'm trying to get out of my shyness have not spoken to my parents on having no friends, feel if i go to a counceler or therapist that they wont understand my insane ways i perceive life and how it works. i can't fit every detail in this of my reasons because they would simply feel like an insane person to you. i want to be an awesome dad with a loving family with friends when i grow up but i don't have any and i feel i won't ever make good ones or get a girlfriend. i honestly just feel like i fucked up life so far and i wont stand any chance in my future succeeding", "answer": "hey man, just because you won't get the girl you liked, especially in high school, doesn't mean that you are doomed to being single. you may feel like you're awkward or what not, but again- that doesn't mean you always will.   the human brain doesn't even finish developing until age 25-30, so teenagers often have trouble seeing that the present doesn't dictate the future. and the sucky part about the slow brain development- our emotion center fully develops long before the area for rational thought- so we are filled with strong emotions long before we have any idea how to handle them.   as far as the therapist goes- it may not seem like it, you're not the only one who is going through what you're experiencing- therapists for adolescents are quite good at helping you work through.  it may seem cliche, but life really does get a lot better after high school", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sybeh", "comment_id": "sybeh"}, {"question": "switch from regular metformin to xr?", "description": "i was diagnosed in nov 2016. i am slightly overweight and need to get to a healthier weight for my 5' frame. my gyno put me on metformin taking 3x a day with meal but i'm still having gi issues which i thought would even out over time. i have lost 10 pounds since diagnosis but that is also partially due to diet and activity. i forgot the metformin when on vacation and my gi issues got much better, haven't taken the metformin since.  does anyone have experience with the xr or switching to xr due to gi issues? ", "answer": "yeah, the extended release ones are way better on my tummy. tmi but i have soft poops now, and with fiber supplements spaced throughout the day (you're not supposed to take fiber when you take meds as it can decrease their effectiveness) i have normal poops. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "6lm0sk", "comment_id": "6lm0sk"}, {"question": "should i [26/m] trust her [24/f] again and accept what happened, and how?", "description": "ok, so.. my story is a mess. i'd been friends with benefits with a coworker for over a year, but then she stopped it in december (she actually never told me anything, just started to give excuses to not go out with me). i've always liked her so much but after some months i realized i loved her and asked her if she was ever going to be with me again and long story short, she said she always liked me a lot but she thought i didn\u2019t (i did a good job trying not to make us not get attached, but looks like i failed), then started seeing another guy from work who liked her, started liking him too, and short after they started \"dating\", he moved to usa (we live in brazil), then they made plans to spend her vacation together in nyc (that's happening right now).  well, i tried everything to win her back before i knew about her trip, but when she told me everything i'd just tried to accept it because everything was paid already. but then, last week, 4 days before her flight, we went out again, and we spent those 4 days together. it was perfect and we loved it. she also told me she loved me. the day before the flight she told me she was still going to nyc, but after what happened she wouldn't do anything with him, she talked to him and he agreed it would be only a friendly relationship. but of course that didn't happen.  the day after she arrived, she told me they had sex (apparently there were friends telling her she should do it) and it was not good and she realized for good i am the one for her and that she told him that and she won't do it anymore. i believe her. but now i've got to put up with them being together as friends for another 20 days, knowing there can be a new spark at any moment.  i've been trying to accept what happened, i really love her, and i believe she loves me too, and i want to have what we had in those 4 days, but it's been so hard for me to accept what she did. i know i screwed up from the beginning because i let her believe i didn't care for her and she found another. and we don't have any compromise, but after what happened last week i was misled and thought it was implicit. now she's broken my trust. i want it to work out when she's back but i just don't know how to accept it because i'm so hurt. i'm even considering having sex with an escort just to see if somehow it makes me see sex as something more natural (and also because i'm angry and sad) and get over what they did, but i know i would regret it and feel miserable afterwards.  any advice on how to get over it? each minute she's there fills me with pain and doubts. sorry for the long post.", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ga10q", "comment_id": "6ga10q"}, {"question": "30 days pill free, can't tell anyone i know because they didn't know i was addicted to begin with.", "description": "i stared a benzo taper 4 months ago. i was on 5 mg of xanax a day for three years. i realized i was taking them just to feel 'normal' and i was embarrassed that i let myself get to that point so i didn't tell anyone, not even my own husband. he and the rest of my friends and family believed i was only taking them every once in a while. i didn't have the courage to tell anyone what was going on so i went through my taper all by myself. when i finally got down to my last .25 mg every other day i stopped completely. it has been 30 days since my last little sliver of xanax and i honestly couldn't be more proud of myself. the withdrawals were pretty bad even with a taper. this is even the first time i have ever said (or typed) the words \"i am a benzo addict\", it feels good to get it out..to someone...anyone even if it is strangers on reddit.  *edit* though i am up with the lingering insomnia that happens when you stop benzos, i couldn't be any happier because of your kind words. i wrote this earlier as a way to simply get it off my chest and the support you guys have shown me is incredible. thank you so much. in tears.", "answer": "so impressed and amazed by you for having accomplished this on your own without social support. i really admire your strength. i'm sorry you aren't able to celebrate with everyone in your life, but i'm glad that we can give you some hard-earned applause here! you are incredibly strong and i hope you recognise that! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "5f0jex", "comment_id": "5f0jex"}, {"question": "i cried for the first time in 11 years", "description": "i hadn't cried since i was 12 (is that weird?). no matter how depressed i get i never cry for some reason. until a couple of days ago i got drunk on my own which is pretty normal for me and for some strange reason my hopelessness got too much and i burst into tears in front of my dog who seemed pretty confused about the whole situation.  ", "answer": "to me that is saying that you have an immense amount of unprocessed feelings.  sometimes when people get intoxicated it allows unprocessed feelings to \"bubble\" up and be processed (the crying).  it is not weird that you haven't cried since you were 12.  i'm guessing a lot was happening at that time or before and your brain shoves the feelings down deep to keep them form being processed.  i think, this is a good thing that you cried.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jhs3e", "comment_id": "3jhs3e"}, {"question": "what if i don't have adhd (potentially) and i'm just lazy and worthless?", "description": "i am a scattered brain person. i can't organise at all. i've used so many calendar and schedule apps...i've printed off timetables and have written them, i've bought homework diaries yet after two days these things drift to the back of my mind and i'm disorganised as ever. i'm consistently trying to form study habits every two months, yet i relapse.  i end up doing tasks by gut feeling...like, oh i remember i have to do this, so i'll do it now, yet i forget important dates, like an essay due in two weeks or a project or a class exam date.  i do this with studying..i just end up studying whatever i feel like. planning it doesn't help because i soon forget my plan or something distracts me (ie getting stuck on a question) and the plan the rest of the day goes to waste.  when i'm with people, or my friends, i become really insecure and feel stupid because my mind is full of goop; i blurt out random things, that make people frown and go quiet and it feels like everyone thinks differently from me. i end up trying to not speak at all and i try to aoid speaking to those i percieve as smart.  to maintain a normal day, where i don't embarass myself, i have to expend a tonne of energy.  i've tried to tell my mum how i feel. but she told me that i am lazy and stupid. if i try to express how i feel, she immediately stops me and tries to give me solutions; just study harder, go get your teacher to tutor you for free.  i do not dare to even bring up the topic of mental health with her, as she shuns it. it really hurts me because she says i am worthless and says things like 'you're just like your dad' (a cruel person i haven't seen for 13 years).     i'm waging a war within me. adhd is so abstract in terms of diagnosing. i want to find out by seeking a doctor but then again, i'm not sure whether i'm focusing on this too much and making excuses. like what if i am just what i am?   i am extremely scared to go see a doctor by myself as a teen and want to put this off because of uncertainty.    any insight or advice could be very helpful. thank you!", "answer": "i would consider the environmental factors that are correlated with adhd as well. consider abuse and trauma or, more generally, living in a highly chaotic/unstructured environment. seeking help for adhd is more than just a medicinal remedy. effective treatment consists of medicine and psychotherapy. in my opinion, people often overlook these systemic issues when considering treatment.  if your mother tells you you are worthless, you will internalize these messages and consequently not make healthy choices in life. if you feel lazy, it is because your family sent you these messages, covertly or overtly.  effective treatment for adhd also includes building an awareness of those around you and your cognitive and emotional response to that.    your mother's words are abusive and you believe them. you deserve treatment. you deserve to better understand yourself and others. you deserve a better life...no matter what your parents tell you!", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "4f28dh", "comment_id": "4f28dh"}, {"question": "ladies of r/pcos, i need help developing a skin routine...", "description": "i recently turned 30 and i'm determined to take better care of my skin.  i'm a minority it doesn't age as fast (comparatively speaking), but i'd like to keep it as healthy and blemish-free as possible.  right now to take care of my skin i drink water, get at least 7 hours of sleep a day, don't smoke cigarettes, and wash my face daily-if you could even call that a routine, lol.  my acne has never been severe, despite pcos, but i do have a few scars from it.  my skin would be classified as dry.   for the sake of consistency, i would like to buy all of my products from the same brand/line.  my specifications are:  1. suited to dry skin, 2. not tested on animals (i absolutely cannot compromise on this), and 3. affordable (i work in a gov't job so i can't splurge).  i'm looking for something that's anti-aging, reduces blemishes, and brightens skin.    what would you ladies recommend?  also, is it just an urban legend that drinking spearmint tea clears up your skin?", "answer": "i swear by naturopathica. may not meet affordability criteria but the products last so you can make the case for it even financially. yes, my face wash is like $50 but it lasts six months. ingredients are natural, many organic, and i think cruelty free.   i use the oat cleansing facial polish in the am and follow with calendula moisturizer. pm, i switch between aloe cleansing gel and sweet lupine makeup remover cleansing cream, and follow with calendula moisturizer again. i\u2019ve been experimenting with serum samples under the calendula cream at night to good effect too. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "7w7pv0", "comment_id": "7w7pv0"}, {"question": "how do you keep conversations going ?", "description": "i don't know how to talk to people. i know how to. but people seem to get into a flow state when they talk. this never happens when i am in the conversation. i am not sure why this happens.   even when i talk to people who are friends. i don't have a lot of topics to talk about. people care about a lot of things. i don't care about any of them.  i have a few narrow topics that i find interesting. but when i talk about them, it doesn't go into that flow state, i see when others talk. they way i talk is too formal and specific i think. this does not lead to \"fun\" conversations.   also expressing myself is difficult. i can do it okay when i write or type. but when i talk, i have to look away from people's eye to be able to form complex sentences. talking is just a lot of effort. and even when i put in the effort, it does not go into the flow state that others seem to enter into. my conversations have a lot of pauses and usually the topics i talk about are serious in nature.   anyone here who has dealt with these issues ? where you able to find any solutions ? i am 22/m. i don't have an official aspergers diagnosis.  thank you. ", "answer": "i feel like someone should write a book on this if the haven\u2019t.  it sounds dumb but, a lot of things i have learned came from business and marketing training.  there are formulas you can follow; then it just takes practice to develop a natural gate in conversation.    if you are trying to keep conversation going, you can try to take on the part of an interviewer trying to learn about the other person.  one example is for speaking to someone new (adult): family, occupation, recreation  do you have brothers or sisters? do they live near you? what do they do?  what do you do? do you like it?  what do you do for fun? have you ever______?  helps to mostly listen and provide self-disclosure sparingly, unless they ask.  ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "86zbun", "comment_id": "86zbun"}, {"question": "offering to take other /stopdrinking redditors to a meeting?", "description": "i know that /stopdrinking is not about aa.    i will be 10 years sober later this month and i am one of the people that was adamantly against going to aa.  once i got humble enough, i did, and it was what got me help.  it isn't for anyone, i know.  but for a lot of people (me included) the problem is not having someone to go to that first meeting with you or not know how to find a meeting or what to do. it's intimidating and humiliating for many.  i read posts here and think, \"if they were local i would take them to my homegroup.\"    is this kind of thing possible? is there another subreddit where people can help others who are local?  of course there are safety concerns, etc, but we all just have to be careful.  just a thought, thanks all.", "answer": "anyone in durham or chapel hill nc that wants to go shoot me a message.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2a09vo", "comment_id": "2a09vo"}, {"question": "it is possible to just be naturally unliked?", "description": "i am not an ass. i don't go around insulting people. i am quiet, takes me a moment to warm up to other people. i am not naturally charming, sometimes i say something that people laugh at.  i am not shy.  i am a mix of alpha and beta. maybe i am just unlucky, maybe i just give off bad vibes.  it's so weird. *shrugs* ", "answer": "how much do you like other people.   generally if you show genuine interest, people will like you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zvc5p", "comment_id": "1zvc5p"}, {"question": "anyone with pcos have oily hair scalp?", "description": "tried all the drugstore shampoos. literally almost every one of them. tried too many shampoos until my hair is dry and lifeless. today i shampoo my hair and in the second day of my hair wash, my hair scalp gets itchy and buildup of oil and dirt. can someone recommend some good shampoos that wont break the bank but also helps the scalp less oily?", "answer": "i just use dry shampoo on second day hair and there is no third day hair without a hat or something. lpt, 3 parts baby powder to 1 part baking soda is a decent dry shampoo. i keep some with all my hair products in the bathroom in a jar with an old fluffy make up brush in it. i give it a little swirl, tap off the excess and apply to my scalp. i do a really thorough scalp massage to distribute is well and it also builds a ton on volume. also, yes i know it's ghetto, and the cans objectively do a better job but with the amount i use this makes sense.", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "c3tu5b", "comment_id": "c3tu5b"}, {"question": "nsfw", "description": "my boyfriend (23m) and i (23f) have been together since hs. we have only sexually been with each other. we have talked about having a 3-some or 4-some just to try it. i like both men and women. he likes just women but is fine with he and another guy having sex with me. can anyone share experiences with having 3somes/4somes while in a serious relationship and how it effected your relationship? i'm interested in doing it. i have serious jealousy and self esteem issues so it makes me a little nervous. just scared that he will like whomever we bring into the bedroom more than me... advice? opinions? experiences? lol  tl;dr : need to know how threesomes and foursomes effect serious committed relationships", "answer": "always risky to bring others into a rel.      asking for problems.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pm0dt", "comment_id": "5pm0dt"}, {"question": "how accurate are most diagnoses?", "description": "i was in a behavioral hospital for about 2 weeks. i met with the psychiatrist maybe 4 or 5 times for no more than 10 minutes at a time. can i trust his diagnosis? or would i need to go thru actual testing somewhere else? i've never been tested in any way, but have been in and out of therapy most of my adult life. i feel like i've kind of been swept under the rug and maybe misdiagnosed for 2 years now.", "answer": "it depends on a lot of things.  the two most important factors when it comes to how accurate a diagnosis is are the following:  1.  how skillful in regards to diagnosis is the clinician offering the diagnosis. 2.  how open/honest/truthful the client is answering questions regarding their personal history and symptoms.    if the client is not truthful or withholds information, or even just forgets a good deal of information that is important regarding history, it's nearly impossible for a clinician to give an accurate diagnosis no matter how skilled they are.  more often than not, we're taking clients at their word and aren't trying to figure out if they're not being honest with us.     with the exception of getting pre-authorization for certain medications, in the grand scheme of things, diagnoses are not that important as psychiatrists and therapists are rarely if ever using a certain special treatment specifically for a certain diagnosis.  we're treating the individual person and their individual symptoms.     now if for some reason, having an accurate diagnosis is very important to you, it may be worth discussing this with a therapist who is skilled in diagnosis (and cares about diagnosis) and having them take several sessions to question you, rule out some diagnoses, and see which diagnosis seems to fit best.   at the end of the day, many folks go through therapy, get psychiatry, etc. and never even find out what their diagnosis is.  they still make progress towards their goals and can improve their functioning.    just one example i can give.  on the side of my full time job, i run a private practice using therapeutic role playing games to help kids with mental health issues.  since i don't take insurance, i don't even bother diagnosing the children.  now, i certainly could and if i ever take insurance in the future i'd have to in order for them to be able to use their insurance.  for now, i don't even bother because it really doesn't matter or impact how i'm going to help them work towards their goals.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo0g0s", "comment_id": "eo0g0s"}, {"question": "why can't i remember faces?", "description": "almost 19, female, 5'7\", 160 lbs, white, mental  hi so this has been happening for the past few years. i can't remember what people look like unless i really concentrate and even then it's never the full face at once unless i've seen an image of them then i can kind of recall the image. even the people i've seen my whole life like my parents and sibling i can't think of what they look like naturally only pictures. i feel pretty confident that i could describe what they look like to a sketch artist. i know what they look like but i just can't see them. this doesn't include pets. animals i can see their faces clearly.  i don't know if this is relevant but i'm going to include it:   i don't see faces in my dreams either. i never see what anyone looks like above their shoulder even people i'm taller than. i just know who they are.   ​  i just recently realized this wasn't a normal occurrence after i heard of this disease thing that doesn't allow you to remember faces but have to learn who people are by different features. i don't know if i have this because if i see someone's face i immediately know who they are i just can't draw up a full image of them in my mind.  why is this happening and is there a way to fix it?", "answer": "there's a term for this: [prosopagnosia](WEBLINK) or face-blindness. it's not really treatable, but it's also something that is not necessarily a huge problem in life. if it started suddenly, or developed over a period of time, it might be concerning as some neurological disease, but most cases just seem to be a quirk of how an individual's brain develops.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b0pj2z", "comment_id": "b0pj2z"}, {"question": "i feel so unappreciated.", "description": "i feel overly under appreciated. not only by my family, my boss, or friends, but also by life. i do everything i can to make everyone happy. i go out of my way to be there for people. change my schedule to accommodate everyone and yet i when i need someone or something no one is ever available. my two friends don't even answer texts but as soon as they are feeling down or they need a favor the texts never stop coming. i have a great boyfriend who is there to listen but i'm sure he gets sick of my constant complaining. it's always over the same shit. i feel like i work too much to have the little bit i have. wish i could have more. i don't understand how people who say they have no money are out vacationing and buying themselves nice things when i work equally as hard and cannot afford any of that. i don't feel like life owes me anything but man! is it discouraging to be stuck. i wish there was a way to just drop everything and move away but everything has to center on money and i dont have any right now to get away! thanks for reading, i really needed this!  ", "answer": "\"lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself\"", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264r9d", "comment_id": "264r9d"}, {"question": "is it normal for an obese person exercising to experience chest pain or is something wrong with me?", "description": "24, male, 6'3, 405 pounds, and white. i went for a walk today and decided to some light jogging for at least 2 minutes. after i did this though i was out of breath in pain in my chest and top of my head. it has subsided since then but i am worried if there is something wrong with me or is this normal and expected for an obese person exercising", "answer": "no chest pain is normal. youve basically given yourself an exercise tolerance test, and failed.  go see a doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5fydhn", "comment_id": "5fydhn"}, {"question": "[41f] altruistic kidney donor, \"6-month\" lab results off the charts (details in the text)", "description": "6 month check-up is about 2 months late due to covid.  transplant coordinator set up the labs and then said she'd call me to schedule my in-person checkup when she returned from vacation on 6/22.  lab work as follows:  albumin, random urine w/creatinine: 13 (desired result 20-275)  creatinine: 1.2 (desired result 0.50-1.10)  egfr: 56 (non african-american)  urine protein, total, random w/o creatinine: <4 (desired result 5-24)  that's everything.    question:  since my transplant coordinator is on vacation until 6/22, no one will actually see these results until then.  should i be doing any of the following:  panicking? calling the transplant coordinator's office to see if someone else can look at my labs?  calling my primary doc to let her know something is up (my primary and the donor center are not in the same hospital system and she won't get the results automatically)?   also, (sort of related, sort of not): i work in local public health and have worked 96 of the last 98 days due to covid-19.  my stress level is through the roof, when generally i'm a \"laid back suzy sunshine\" (in my coworkers' words), and i don't see this getting better any time soon.  could these results be related to stress, either directly or indirectly?  ​  thanks in advance!", "answer": "low urine protein and low urine albumin (a specific protein) are good things. i'm not sure why the lab shows a lower end cutoff where it's a problem.  slightly elevated creatinine and decreased gfr are normal after kidney donation, and yours are not highly concerning. you gave up half your kidney function, and while the remaining kidney works harder to compensate, you still have numbers that look \"bad\" because they're normalized to two-kidney people to detect problems. because you're stressed, i suggest you call the coordinator's office so you're not sitting and worrying about this, but these numbers as a one-time value don't alarm me.  the only caveat is that it depends a little bit on your previous numbers, which is why calling the transplant center will clarify.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "h7isap", "comment_id": "h7isap"}, {"question": "patient program options?", "description": "i have been in in-patient programs at both public and private facilities. this is not something i would like to do again (due to personal reasons, and the fact that it has not been effective for me).   however, i was wondering if anyone has ever been in a community in-patient program?   although expensive, it seems like a better option than laying at home wishing for death. i take medication daily, see a psychologist and psychiatrist regularly, and do my best to engage in life (when i can get out of bed).  if anyone has ever done something like this before, could you please share your personal experience?   thanks", "answer": "look into intensive outpatient programs (iops). they meet several times a week for therapy, but you get to go home at the end of the day. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "115j17", "comment_id": "115j17"}, {"question": "drinking dreams months 1-6... zero. drinking dreams during month 7, at least three so far.", "description": "so weird.  i don't view them as a threat or anything.  when i am drinking in the dream, its always a very negative feeling...there's nothing glamorous or fun about it.    i wake up and feel relieved that it wasn't real, and it reinforces the fact that i don't want to drink alcohol.  its very strange that all of the sudden these have become semi regular.  keep on fighting the good fight peeps!", "answer": "i wondered if i was weird for not having had these yet. good to know i should still be prepared. :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5zrf7f", "comment_id": "5zrf7f"}, {"question": "dealing with one sided conversations?", "description": "so i can meet new people (sometimes) but in that getting to know you stage they dont ask much about me, so im the one asking all the questions. it makes it seem like im trying to hard to keep the conversation going because i have to find ways to change the topic to something that might interest them with very little info to go on. its never back and forth banter, just me asking them a question, them responding, and then another question. at times it feels like they arnt fully interested or maybe they just dont know how to go along with the conversation them self.  does that make sense? am i being paranoid? trying to hard? are they just not interested?", "answer": "hey! conversation, like any other skill, can be practiced and learned. so just do some practice :) [this guide](WEBLINK) is a good place to start.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13v438", "comment_id": "13v438"}, {"question": "my crazy neighbor", "description": "my neighbors are constantly loud and are giving possible death threats to each other and i constantly playing loud music so we can\u2019t hear their conversations but it\u2019s been going for about two weeks and i\u2019m worried about the outcome will lead to my worst nightmare i need to know what to do in this situation", "answer": "if you suspect domestic violence call the police. you can ask the police to keep you anonymous (but they will want info to support the call). if you are worried someone is going to be seriously hurt make the call. if there are children in the home definitely call the police and tell them that too. that\u2019s not ok. i had to do this years ago to some neighbors (things breaking, yelling, and kid in the house with them).", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "fv31g2", "comment_id": "fv31g2"}, {"question": "i'm a [20/m] and i'm confused about my [22/f] recent fling deciding to leave me for 2 reasons.", "description": "basically i have been getting close and hooking up/ having sex with this amazing beautiful girl. i would never expect her to be into me. we were family friends for years yet her and i never bonded because of our 2 year grade gap (but we are only 1 year apart in age). however, at a recent family event, we became really close and had some of the best sex of my life. for both of us it felt very passionite, not like i was just f**king her. we really started to like each other, which is rare for me because i usually never catch feelings, i just have my fun with girls and that's about it. but this time it was different. so after having a lot of great conversation, good company, and great sex, all of a sudden she drops this on me. she apparently really likes me, yet she isn't able to continue having a \"relationship\" with me because shes worried about her life changing too quickly. things such as her new job, how she's getting a new apartment, and thats it. well, thats all she told me. i understand those 2 things are pretty big steps in our lives, but i don't understand why she would want to end something going so well for those (2) reasons. my mind tells me to trust her and that it is because she really is worried about the stress of moving and how she isn't ready for a relationship, but my gut tells me it's more than that. wouldn't these stressful times only benefit her to have a bf? i would be there for her completely, whether it's helping her move her furniture, advice for her new job, anything. i would literally do anything to save this relationship but it seems she isn't really fighting for it. all my guy friends say i should just try and keep her as \"good friends\" so i can continue hooking up with her, but i want more than that and i don't see her as an object. she even said that once she's all settled in and has her life straight (she said 3 months) that we could see how things are for us and see from then. but that sounds fishy. i don't know what to do. should i let it be? should i fight for her? i'm seeing her tonight to talk things over in person and i have no idea what to say. i want to be with this girl and make her as happy as can be, along with boosting my self confidence from her company. help me out please.  tldr: girl who has been into me and wanting a relationship decided to be \"just friends\" with me because she is at a weird stage of her life due to her getting a new job and because she's moving. should i give her space and wait, or fight for our relationship? how do i show her i'm worth it? she tells me how much she likes me often so she must know it too.", "answer": "always best to give people space. check in every now and then...gently.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mafwm", "comment_id": "5mafwm"}, {"question": "scared to talk to the doctor about mental health", "description": "hi, i'm sorry im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i figured id ask anyway incase a doctor here can put my mind at ease about talking to my gp about this. sorry that its long.  some basic info that might be relevant - i am 25f, quite overweight (have been most of my life but put on more weight in the last 3 years since this started to get worse).  my family on my mums side has quite a lot of mental health issues. i dont know much about my dads side. i went through quite a traumatic time 5-6 years ago that i feel really kicked my issues off. i have had a lifelong phobia of vomiting, but this has gotten a lot worse since i had my daughter 3 years ago.  i am almost certain i have some kind of anxiety disorder and possibly ocd tendencies as well. i have mentioned to a doctor breifly how i feel and i was immediately offered antidepressants without any discussion of my actual symptoms or what could actually be wrong with me. i declined it at that time.  i am not unwilling to take medication at all but i would prefer to actually know why i am taking the medication, i would like to understand why i feel the way i feel. i think the doctor assumed pnd bcause i had a child a year earlier but i feel there is so much more to it than that. i am in the uk and im unsure of who i need to ask to be referred to in order to find out.   i will bullet point a few of the symptoms ive noticed.  \u2022 feelings of wortlessness and uselessness \u2022 trouble sleeping \u2022 mind constantly jumping from one thought to the next \u2022 unable to stay focused on one activity for long \u2022 uncertainty  \u2022 no motivation - demotivaed all the time \u2022 no energy \u2022 panic attacks  \u2022 fear i have an undiagnosed illness, constantly convince myself i have something seriously wrong, will begin to imagine symptoms i know fit the disease im worried about.  \u2022 im convinced i will die young, and i get scared because i know if i dont die young i will just get more and more worried about ilnesses that increase in probability with age \u2022 i do not use public transport for many reasons, mostly germs \u2022 i avoid family members who have vomited or had diarrhoea for at last 2 weeks because i refuse to risk catching it  i could honestly go on but those are all the biggest ones. reading all of this i know i obviously have something wrong with me. but because some days i feel fine, completely 'normal' or even happy i have a (hopefully irrational) fear that theres actually nothing wrong with me and that the doctorwill just laugh me put of the room. im also worried nobody will believe me or will think im exaggerating because everyone my age seems to want some 'quirky' diagnosis and i dont want people to think im attention seeking. basically i feel scared and almost guilty when i talk about my mental health as if i can feel people thinking im a liar and then feel a rush of anxiety that maybe i am lying to myself.  im also realy worried ill be told theres nothing actually wrong with me and that im just a weak or broken person, or that this is just what life is and to suck it up.   i know this all probably made no sense but i am just so all over the place and dont know what to think.", "answer": "this clearly is bothering you, and you had an interaction with your doctor that didn't help. you should not have to feel more ashamed looking into mental health than you would asking about a rash or other physical finding. the difficulty is that many physicians are also not comfortable with or well trained in mental health.  if you're looking for \"what\" and \"why\" and \"what do i do about it?\" that's psychiatry, and if there is something treatable it could be with medication, therapy, or both. the ideal is someone who can offer both, but that's often psychiatrists who don't take insurance, so expensive. you could start by making an appointment with a psychiatrist (often a long wait, and then maybe just a referral to therapy) or a therapist (who probably can't prescribe medications if indicated).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hnivwv", "comment_id": "hnivwv"}, {"question": "update to previous post my wife had a one nite stand on a cruise while we were dating.", "description": "i long suspected something happend while on the cruise with girl friends and she always denied it. she said it happened after drinking and it was spur of the moment and instantly regretted it. however i found a photo album from the cruise with at lease 6 pictures of her with him..drapped all over him... and it was obvious that the pictures were at different times(different clothes on etc). she also at the behest of her girlfriend called him twice after the cruise but basically didn't say anything to him i found out this about 6 months ago and its still bothers me update now she is telling me that she hung out /flirted with him  went back to his cabin and he basically date raped her  i do not know what to think and cant understand keeping the pics etc if this is true", "answer": "it's hard to imagine her keeping the pics if that was true. also, she lied, and if you were dating in a committed monogamous way, she cheated on you. how long ago was this cruise?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9qd4", "comment_id": "6o9qd4"}, {"question": "getting back with an ex - can we ever change our patterns?", "description": "i do not currently have a therapist whose advice i trust, and i don't know anyone in a healthy marriage or relationship that i would want to replicate.   i broke up with my fiance 3 years ago. we had lived together for 2 years, and been together for 4.  we had a lot of problems that, i think, stemmed from our inability to communicate clearly and honestly, and (on his part) to receive that communication without feeling attacked and to consider my feelings to be as valid as his own. we went to 2 different therapists, neither of which we found helpful.  for 18 months after we broke up, we did not have any contact. one day he texted me, and we talked off and on for about a year.  we were doing a pretty good job of being friends. then, in july of last year, i felt like i had some unresolved feelings. we talked, but decided not to get back together. we fell into a pattern of texting each other most of every day, and i felt my feelings becoming stronger. we saw each other at the beginning of this year and i felt very strongly for him.  we talked about the way we still felt about each other and why we hadn't been able to make it work. we decided we would keep talking and see if we could resolve our issues.   he has told me he is willing to give in some areas that i cannot compromise on, and so far i have felt heard and validated and like he is truly working to meet my needs. for my part, i am trying to be understanding, open minded, and flexible.  tonight we had a very difficult discussion, and i am very concerned that we just don't communicate or think the same way, and that this might be an unresolvable issue. i feel like we are not clearly receiving the communication the other one says they are trying to send, and are instead getting other signals that were not intended.  i also feel that he is not giving me direct answers to questions that i think only need a yes or no, but is instead splitting hairs and reframing the issue so that he doesn't have to give a direct answer.  we are both frustrated right now, and i'm afraid to get any more involved if i could potentially end up as hurt as i did before.   there are obviously many more details i could go into if asked, or on a dm.  essentially, i am wondering how hard one should have to fight for a relationship. i have heard many varying opinions from many sources, but, as i said, i do not have someone objective i can trust or someone in a healthy relationship i can emulate.  i have heard that all couples have problems and dysfunctions that cannot be resolved, but i don't know what is an acceptable level of dysfunction.  i have heard that you should never try to get back together with an ex, but after 3 years, with both of us having seemingly reflected on what we did wrong and what we could do better, is this a hard and fast rule?  i know every relationship is different, and no one can truly tell me what to do, but i would appreciate any clarity or guidance or similar experiences.  for context, because of various circumstances, my likelihood of finding another partner is much lower than the average person. so this is less a question of, can i find someone more compatible?, and more of, am i better off alone?   thank you for any guidance you can provide.", "answer": "there's no one answer that's going to work for everyone in this type of situation.     here's a couple of things to consider.  relationships should not feel like really hard work in the very beginning.  if they do, that's a huge red flag.  all relationships take work to maintain and have them be healthy, but there's generally a honeymoon period in the beginning where it doesn't feel like this.    i'd argue that it should even be the case upon reconnecting 3 years later.     ongoing relationships/marriage is hard work in order to maintain a healthy relationship where both individuals are happy and not resentful towards the other, but if the work and stress often outweighs the positives that you're getting or that this is the case for too long, it's not worth it in the long run.   can you find someone more compatible?  of course you can.  there's billions of people in the world.  you can always find someone more compatible.  are you better off alone?  well... see the other question i asked.  does the stress of this relationship outweigh the joy you get from it?  then... yes... you're probably better off alone right now.     lastly, you said you both reflected over the last 3 years of what went wrong.  have either of you done any extensive individual therapy?  you said it was so bad that you tried two couple's therapists.  if the both of you haven't done extensive work individually, it isn't very likely that much will have changed from the way things were before.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ez4yyc", "comment_id": "ez4yyc"}, {"question": "porn anxiety", "description": "i'm in a really serious relationship with my boyfriend and i know he loves me and cares for me immensely. i have a serious problem with his porn watching habits. it's all very private for him. he doesn't mention it or bring it up much but i have been through his computer (with his permission) and i know it's there and i know he continues to watch it.   he knows how i feel about it. i find it unreasonable to ask him to stop. how do i get over these feelings of discomfort? ", "answer": "i just came here to say that i sympathize.  before i met my husband, i was very blase' about porn and had watched it myself.  but for some reason, when i find porn on his computer, it infuriates me.  i know that's not logical, and i know that i live in this modernized liberal culture where i should be 'over it,' and i know it's a bit hypocritical, considering i watched it before i met him.  but the truth of it is, it has hurt me in a way that i would have never expected.  i haven't quite figured out why, as i am pretty secure in my body/womanhood/etc, but it genuinely upsets me.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dcrus", "comment_id": "dcrus"}, {"question": "[20/m] don't know if it's smart to date my best friend", "description": " so this is going to be a long one and i hope somebody reads, but i really just need to type it out. i'm [21/m] and i've been really really good friends with this girl whom is [21/f] since we were about 9 years old, but on new years eve things kind of changed a little.  just a bit of a backstory first. we've been basically inseparable since we were 9 with the exception of 9th and 10th grade for reasons that aren't really relevant. our friendship was always a little abnormal in the sense that we've both been clearly attracted to each other basically since we hit puberty, but we had never so much as hugged for one reason or another. it's always been a sort of elephant in the room for years. we've been telling each other that we love each other for years and not because we thought it was what you were supposed to do, but i really do love her and i really believe she loves me, no matter what happens romantically. we've just been through an awful lot together and we've always been each others person to lean on. even though it's gone unsaid, i really think that we've both always been afraid to jeopardize the friendship that we have because it really is something rare and we both know it.  fast forward, to now, and i'm working full time in construction in ma while she's studying psychology in az. she comes home about one weekend a month for a clinical study that she is a part of so that's about as often as we get to hang out apart from holidays and such. new years eve is when things really changed. i was spending the weekend in me with her and her family which isn't all that uncommon. we were at a party with her friends from maine and she was the only one i knew so i was talking to her a lot because i tend to get a little anxious and there were quite a few adult beverages involved. so basically, we ended up making out a lot and some pretty emotional things were said. we ended up sleeping in the same bed together, but we really only slept.  fast forward to now. we talked about what happened that night and agreed that it definitely meant something to both of us. the thing is that neither of us know how exactly we feel about long distance. i've had people tell me how hard long distance relationships are because of how much you miss your so when they're gone, but to be honest, i already miss her all the time when she's gone and we're not even in an established bf/gf relationship. i'm torn because if we both decide to move forward with this relationship then there's a chance that we could both get hurt, but just being friends with her might hurt just as bad. it doesn't feel right to suppress feelings for any reason.  tl;dr want to start a long distance relationship with girl i've been friends with since we were 9. don't know if it's a smart decision.", "answer": "if there are feelings, why not?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptvap", "comment_id": "5ptvap"}, {"question": "does anyone want to be friends?", "description": "or like, support each other, just talk, something? i'm a 20yo female and for the life of me cannot make good connections in person. if anyone wants to become friends, needs to vent for a minute, anything at all, feel free to pm me, i'd love to talk. ", "answer": "i sent a few private messages to people on here and made a connection with one person. i think it's been helpful! ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "6kwqm8", "comment_id": "6kwqm8"}, {"question": "how does being on meds make you feel?", "description": "i've just been diagnosed with adhd and have started medication. i'm the only person i know with adhd and it's kinda hard not having someone around who gets it. my friends are happy to listen to me talk about what's going on but it's all pretty foreign to them.  i have one friend who took methylphenidate at uni as a study aid but stopped after a few days because it was making her feel too amped up and reactive to outside stimuli, like she was having too many thoughts at once. when i take my meds, though, i feel calm and quiet and focused. it's like someone's turned down the brightness and volume on the world. my thoughts form an orderly queue instead of all jumping and yelling for my attention at once and i can take my time dealing with them.  i'm actually finding it a bit unnerving, though, like being underwater or in a dream. i don't feel like myself and it's triggering some anxiety.  one thing i'd really like to hear about is how does being on medication *feel* for you? i know the theory behind meds but i'm curious about the subjective experience. what changes when you take your meds? what stays the same? anything unpleasant you have to deal with, and what benefits do you see?  thanks to anyone who responds :) this sub is awesome and it's been really affirming knowing i'm not alone while i go through this.", "answer": "one of the big things that vyvanse helps me with is regulating my emotions. off my meds, i feel much more emotionally reactive and can swing from one end of the spectrum to another. plus, i can get to feeling hyperactive, which can be a struggle for my wife to understand and deal with.   on my meds, my emotions and thoughts seem much more orderly and normal. i don\u2019t swing from highs to lows and back as much and everything\u2019s not as intense. the world just makes a lot more sense to me.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "b81c2f", "comment_id": "b81c2f"}, {"question": "lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "hi \ud83d\udc4b ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well i\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction.  short intro, i\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. i didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once i had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 i stupidly had that first drink thinking i will be able to moderate now. a mistake we have all made i\u2019m guessing.  i now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends.  however i remember how great i felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how i dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness!  determined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. i know i can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this!  eek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "hi. how are you doing ? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "[22/m] broke up with girlfriend (20/f) one week into a three month trip through asia", "description": "we had been together for two years, shared an apartment for a year, attend the same university, and travel often together. she has a history of abuse and mental illness that she has never fully explained. i am free of mental illness, but stupid.   we'd discussed no longer living together when our lease was up, but never breaking up, except during certain particularly bad fights which i think were because of her depression. we spent nearly every day of the last two years together, to the point where we often said the same thing and ordered the same items at restaurants.   she woke up 4 days ago, a few days into a summer-long trip to nepal and thailand and told me she felt being together was what made her so unhappy, and that she wanted to end it. we tried staying together for the day as friends, but ended up getting in a physical fight where she hit me again and again in the face, telling me to hit her.  eventually i did. this has never happened before.   she left the next morning - we didn't speak again. i haven't seen or spoken to her since then. i have never hit anyone before. her mother tells me she has a fractured rib. i am only coping with the help of some lorazepam a doctor here was kind enough to give me.   how do i recover from this? i want to die. whenever the pills wear off i stop being able to function. i am alone in nepal and i can't stop thinking about what i did. ", "answer": "go home. get help. never have sex with her again. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f15l2", "comment_id": "6f15l2"}, {"question": "i am on the verge of a complete fucking breakdown someone help me", "description": "i don\u2019t even know where the hell to start. i started feeling depressed in november and i was like ok cool this happens all the time we\u2019ll get through this. so i fought it. it got a little better. then it decided to sneak up on me and dump all this pain and fear and anxiety all at once. i\u2019ve been dealing with a painful ovarian cyst for three weeks,flu like symptoms that won\u2019t go away, so those are adding stress. then comes the fucking holiday stress. i have no money left. i\u2019m completely broke. and i still have my parents and one of my nieces to buy for. and on top of that, i feel guilty, because it\u2019s christmas and i should be happy and i\u2019m not and i hate it! i\u2019ve been seeing things too, little shadow figures, some of them small to the ground like a cat, some tall like a person. i just see glimpses of them, running away, or darting around the corner, and i can feel them looking at me. my brain says they\u2019re demons. i know they\u2019re not real but fuck they\u2019re scary. and then i get these weird things at night, not like a panic attack, but it\u2019s like this crushing terror falls over me and i\u2019m to scared to move or open my eyes and i just have to lay there until it\u2019s gone. i keep telling myself i need to get through christmas then i\u2019ll feel better, but that\u2019s not true, because on january 5th i turn 24. happy birthday, right? no! that day marks the end of a wasted year and the start of one that probably won\u2019t go anywhere. i\u2019m 24, unemployed, living off social services to pay for the meds that are supposed to keep me sane, and living in my parents basement. i\u2019m worthless. a worthless human being and i want to fucking die. ", "answer": "you are not worthless. you have been trudging through some difficult physical and emotional pain and that is badass, even if you feel still stuck in it. there will be more christmases, its okay that this year you can't afford presents for everyone. they probably don't love you for your christmas gifts, they love you for you.   24 can be a great year for you. 23 wasn't a wasted year. you're pain through the year is serving you a purpose which is teaching you to be able to overcome it, as crazy as that sounds. you are at a pause in your life, so living in your parent's place is where you need to be to take that pause and figure out whats next. there is nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want and need in your life.   it sounds like whatever medication you are on is not helping with all of your symptoms. it might be a good idea to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, ideally who can work together to help you work through this stuff.   keep your head up :) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7iugk", "comment_id": "a7iugk"}, {"question": "body language and behavior in therapy only", "description": "i was asked to crosspost this a few places:  i literally cower in therapy and i don\u2019t know why it induces such a visibly uncomfortable anxiety response. it\u2019s as if i\u2019m trying to hide from him\u2014i cover my face, turn my head away and hide it in my hands, pull my legs over my chest, and sometimes attempt to curl up. i\u2019m also pulling on my fingers a lot and wringing them around and playing with things constantly. my voice is also quieter and shaky. i guess maybe this is \u201cregression.\u201d  i don\u2019t know why i do this. i find this really embarrassing because it makes me feel insane and like a child and like i can\u2019t have a professional adult relationship with this person. but at the same time it seems counterproductive to suppress it, as for whatever reason this submissive behavior is coming naturally to me and i shouldn\u2019t have to pretend or wear a mask in therapy.   does anyone else leave therapy embarrassed by their body language and general way of interacting because it\u2019s not how you would interact with anyone else? i\u2019ve been wondering if it\u2019s because my therapist is male (like my abusers) or if it\u2019s just because my body feels like this is the place we will talk about my \u201ctrauma\u201d and is anticipating it.  also: therapists, i\u2019d love if you\u2019d also weigh in: what do you think is going on with a client if they act this way in session?", "answer": "you're protecting your body from ingress verbally, visually and perceptively. maybe. also i'd screen for bodily assault in your history.   i've had clients do this for weeks. it's so awesome to see them come back each week because i know how hard it must be for them just to show up.   you're a fountain of courage and must want this shit bad. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "94gh2q", "comment_id": "94gh2q"}, {"question": "i'm pretty sure i've had depression for the past five years, quick questions about seeking treatment:", "description": "i'm sorry if i posted this in the wrong place; it seemed like /r/depressoin and/r/mentalhealth were neck and neck for this post.  i know self diagnosis is generally a bad idea, but assuming i have depression, i have a few questions. first, i'm on my mother's insurance, and she's a teacher, meaning we get state insurance (we're in the usa). i know i'll probably have to ask, but do most government employee insurance providers cover therapy and medication for mental problems? and, where do i start? i imagine a doctor has to write the prescription, but i'm sure a therapist would have to okay it first. so who should i go to first? and last, about how much would this cost out-of-pocket if insurance doesn't cover it? we come from a poor family and if this is going to make me bankrupt i may as well just go back to sleeping all day.", "answer": "the affordable care act (aka obamacare) mandates now that health insurance plans cover some form of mental health care as well, so you should have some options. that being said, it won't cover all therapists. find your health insurance's website and look for a list of accepted providers.  before you start with a doctor, i'd consider seeing a therapist a few times. not everyone with depression requires anti-depressants, so best start off just seeking psychotherapy (it is more effective in the long-term anyways). if your therapist feels that you would benefit from a combined therapy/medicine approach, then he'll likely refer you to a psychiatrist for a prescription. most insurance covers anti-depressants, so if your providers feel that is a needed option, it shouldn't be anymore than a 10-20 dollar co-pay per month. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "161v9p", "comment_id": "161v9p"}, {"question": "help me!", "description": "when i lay on the right side of my head i feel pressure on the left side of my head and when i touch the right side of my head it feels way weaker then the left side of my head. i've had this for 2 years and it's only starting to bother me now. what is it? i am a white 16 year old male, i take the orange asthma inhaler every now and then, i don't drink, i am not a smoker and i don't use recreational drugs.", "answer": "visit your general practitioner for a physical exam.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hg669r", "comment_id": "hg669r"}, {"question": "my girlfriend [19] has a best guy friend [24] that likes her but keeps his boundaries.", "description": "i'm 20 and have been in the relationship 7 months (we have known each other for 5 years only became close in past 2 years) i feel jealous that my girlfriend spends a lot of time with her best friend that likes her that she's known for 1 year.  first off i know jealously is bad and i hate feeling this way wish i didn't because it causes problems in relationships. she's told me that before we got together they had cuddled a few times and made out a few times but she didn't feel anything for him and didn't want to date him because he is chubby and isn't going to go far in his life (ha and she thinks i am lol [ i try :/]). she's very attractive and is a nice person so she gives people chances to see if she'd catch feels but she didn't do nothing further happend.  before our relationship he was very flirty with her and disrespectful to a previous relationship she had so he told him to fuck off and cut him from her life for a while (4 months). while with me he came back into her life promising to respect her boundaries. now she says he is an asshole to her (but in a friendly way) so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable, like calling her bitch or like playfully being mean like threatening to not give her a ride home when they hang out (never at his house) if she doesn't take a shot or something. they share a lot more in common than her and i because of how they grew up like the party life, broken homes, drugs and alcohol vs sheltered life, not drugs and alcohol (growing up) i don't treat her like an ass hole (i offered to be an asshole bbut she said it'd feel weird coming from me). in interaction and conversation i can tell he likes her though because he still says things like sweet dreams you're my best friend (heart emoji), holds the door open for her every time, takes her out to eat places (she says she pays for herself so it's not a date) they go out more to do fun things than her and i do, late night hang outs, taking her out to go get fucked up (at the park or his car he lives like an hour away) she dresses up more for him because they go out more than we do like that blue dress you've never worn for me :(. i'm more of the structured part of her life (what she feel in love with).  when we hang out it's mostly in my house or hers, just do things like watch dragonball together, do productive things with our time like projects or education on how to get started in real estate. i haven't been taking her on as many dates because we both are using the majority of our incomes to pay off debt and live minimully to get out of the rat race faster. i want to be able to pay for college and she has a lot of debt from large purchases she's made in the past like braces (she needed them bad, though i didn't mind her teeth at all) lasik eye surgery for her dad, personal stuff/family really.   he has only 2 friends a guy and her, if feel like a dick breaking up their friendship when i know they aren't doing anything. my gf says she doesn't like him and i believe her, that part that bothers me is that he likes her and that she will use a lot of her free time and energy on time with him vs time with me. she doesn't have any other close friends she can hang out with. if i asked her to stop seeing him i know she would but she wouldn't be happy about it. i don't want to give her an ultimatum.  i've never met him he didn't like most people and hates to meet new people so they only hang out 1 on 1 or sometimes with his other friend there. she'll usually snapchat me so i know generally what's going on.  i'm not sure what type of advise i'm looking for. ideally i can find acceptance in their relationship somehow because she needs a friend like that outside of our relationship (she can't only be friends with just me) but i don't know how to control my emotions in that sense and i can't force her to find another friend that relates so much to her she can talk to that isn't him or maybe a girl or guy that doesn't like her... help me realize i'm overreacting. but anything will help really thank you. and yes i do have oneitus i don't plan on leaving her.  tldr: she is best friends with him, he likes her, she doesn't. i know they don't do anything + he ain't cute. they do spend a lot of time together that i wish she would spend time like that with me. don't want to break up what friendship they have. he keeps his boundaries that she set up but i still find some interactions too much like going out to eat food. she'd 100% pick me over him if i made in ultimatum but that'd cause a different kind of divide between us because jealousy does that. idk what to do.  edit: i spend more time with her in general but it's time spent at work, getting groceries, sleeping together, etc but he spends more of the time during like days off, like they saw fireworks together on july 4th when we got the day off work.", "answer": "u either trust her or you don't", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lmbea", "comment_id": "6lmbea"}, {"question": "help: broke up and now everyone hates me :( (8th grade girl)", "description": "hi, i'm 13 and in the 8th grade. recently i got a boyfriend and we dated for 6 days. i broke up with him. i messed up so bad. i didn't like him when i first started dating him and i told my closest friends that i wanted to break up with him the night before i did. i guess il just give a back story: so last saturday night i was invited to a bonfire (my boyfriend was not there but a bunch of his friends where) and i told my friends that wanted to break up with him early on in the night. later on that night we decided to play spin the bottle and you know me being the stupid fuck that i am i kissed someone else. the next day i broke up with him and then one of the people that were there told him what happened that night. so the next day at school people asked him why we broke up and he said \"because she cheated on me with (the guys name)\" now a bunch of people hate me.... advice on regaining friendships would be a big help.", "answer": "a true friend won't believe lies. you did the right thing. and the people that remain by your side are your real friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72p8kr", "comment_id": "72p8kr"}, {"question": "encouraging ...i think !", "description": "every month i meet friends for dinner. on this day last month i was obsessed by anxiety of how was i going to not drink. this morning no anxiety just fact. i do not drink therefore i don't have to worry about it. by the way as security i have offered to drive as i never drive after even 1 glass of wine. ! sounds easy..but please remember i have blipped since last month but today i feel more comtrolled. i do have a bigger challenge this week so be sure to look out for my posts...i will be calling on you my sober pals if needed ! iwndwyt", "answer": "well done. i've had v similar experiences with nights out. often, as well as a bit of troubleshooting, there is nothing for it except grit. you've got this.   i'm v grateful for all the compassion and support here too.   iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94z6rq", "comment_id": "94z6rq"}, {"question": "i don't know women", "description": "this post is actually a big question to women of the world, because there is one big thing i'm really confused about.   so i broke up with my girlfriend (she's 22 this year) a few days back and i'm reflecting what really went wrong so i can improve to win her back or to at least help me move on to a future without her.   we broke up in a peaceful manner, no fighting no anything, just a sad talk and though i was unwilling, i decided to agree to end our relationship because she said she no longer had feelings for me and there's no point in maintaining an one sided relationship.   so from the talk we had, i learned quite a few things: \u2022 so apparently from the start when i was wooing her, she thought that i was not ready for a relationship/unwilling to put in maximum effort for a relationship (admittedly im at least somewhat like that) but she still agreed to a relationship because she felt she was \"still young\" (she was 20 then) and she believed that i'll be different after we become official.  \u2022 she had talked about my lack of initativeness and subsequently, the fact that me being a beta male means i was the opposite of her ideal partner (an alpha male who will make her take a girlfriend role) \u2022 she told me the previous points about 3-4 times from sep 2016 and i made (empty) promises that i'll change for her, since she had done the same to suit me, and while i thought i had changed enough, as it turns out it's still not enough \u2022 so just bear in mind it's being troubling her for at least 5-6 months and even perhaps at the start of our 13 months relationship   but there's the confusing part \u2022 while she's starting to become disappointed in me, she didn't say anything despite i encouraged an honest relationship (but maybe she didnt want to hurt me or she wanted me to take the initiative to change \u2022 then i was reading the past messages (not a good idea tbh but whats done is done) and i read that her anniversary message was really like heart shapes and stuff like what she would usually do. that was december 2016 \u2022 then suddenly in a matter of weeks (not more than 1 month) she just changed 180 degrees and she said she lost all feelings for me cos of her disappointment in me (and some anger) and this was apparent when her style of messaging changed (more cold and less hearts etc)   so i'm confused? how is it possible for someone to change so sudden/shouldn't the change be like gradually? okay she was more mushy during the start of the relationship during the honeymoon period but i guess it's cos it's the honeymoon? \u2022 or is it i was blind enough not to notice the gradual coldness?  \u2022 i doubt so but could it be that she was just acting throughout the past few months to not hurt my feelings? \u2022 or is it just the act of emotions and anger and that is just an impulsive decision?  can the women of reddit enlighten me so i can finally put this issue to ease? thanks ", "answer": "it's not about women.  it's about a singular very mixed up woman.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5peb64", "comment_id": "5peb64"}, {"question": "not sure if i took my rexulti - what to do?", "description": "44 y/o white female.  5' tall, 140 lbs.  duration, location n/a  been taking zoloft for a few years, increased from 150 mg/day to 200 mg/day about three months ago.  two months ago my psychiatrist added 1 mg/day of rexulti.  this has reduced my anxiety/agoraphobia but tonight i have an issue.  every evening i take my zoloft, rexulti, and claritin at the same time.  i put the 4 pills in my hand and take with water.  same routine every night.  tonight about an hour after taking my meds, i got up and saw a rexulti tablet on the couch; apparently i'd been sitting next to it.  i thought all the pills went from my hand to my mouth, but i suppose the rexulti (which is tiny) could've fallen out of my hand on the way to mouth. but it's also possible that an extra pill fell out of the container.  i don't want to take this one and take a chance of double-dosing.  however i don't want to skip a dose.  i don't know exactly how many pills were in the bottle, otherwise i'd just count what's there and figure it out.  any guidance would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "there isn't a right answer, but i would recommend risking a skipped dose and taking your next dose as scheduled over a possible double dose. neither is high risk; an extra milligram is probably slightly more likely to produce unpleasant side effects.  really, either way is probably okay. the standard increase from 1 mg is straight to 2 mg, so it's not particularly risky to accidentally increase for a day either.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bso4go", "comment_id": "bso4go"}, {"question": "could a blood test at sexual health clinic put me at risk of an infection ?", "description": "i really need some advice, i am a 20 year old female and recently had a full sexual health test because i was skeptical about an incident that occurred years ago ( i am not and have not been sexually active since). i took the test on tuesday and my result came back negative and free from infection. i was very relieved about these results, but unfortunately two days later developed a bad fever and very sore throat. i have never experienced illness like this and am worried that i may have contracted something during testing at the clinic, the nurse who attended to me was very offish and i did not watch the whole blood drawing process as i am quite afraid of needles. also i rushed while taking the self swab test and did not wash my hands before. i live in the uk and generally have a positive perception of our health care system and really want to this to just be a common cold, but i have never experienced such uncomfortable cold symptoms like this and it is making me very worried. i understand it is a very busy time of the year and would appreciate any advice. thank you", "answer": "given what you said, you didn't contact anything from the blood taking proceedure. its much more likely to be the bad cold thats inflicting the uk this year.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5k7lic", "comment_id": "5k7lic"}, {"question": "is being a loser a good enough reason to kill oneself?", "description": "is having no friends, being socially inept, unattractive, bullied on a weekly basis, having nothing going for yourself, and knowing that your existence doesn\u2019t matter in the grand scheme of things a compelling reason to want to end your life?", "answer": "i don't think so at all.  there are very very very few compelling reasons for making a rational choice for suicide.     life circumstances like the ones you've said are never a compelling reason no matter how much of a struggle it can be.  the reason i believe this is that there is always a chance that things will turn around.  the most ugly part of depression is that it convinces you that it absolutely can't or won't, but that's your depression talking to you and convincing you that something illogical is true... if you let it.     i really detest bullies in all forms.  for most it's all about power and control.  many deep down would love the idea that they had so much power over you that they could make you miserable and end your life.  simply continuing to live your life and make the best attempt you can to be happy (whether it's successful or not) in spite of what they do or say is the best middle finger you can give to them.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8orawm", "comment_id": "8orawm"}, {"question": "how can i help my partner who feels unfullfilled in his job and has confessed to having suicidal thoughts.", "description": "basically the title, it's been 8 years and i've handled his depression on and off. the current bought is because he *hates* his job. it's so hard for me to console him. i have no idea how to help him or even what words of comfort i can give him other than the usual i love yous, we will get through this, ect.   i can't imagine my life without him and am terrified of him following through on his suicidal thoughts. i stay up most nights watching him breath in bed next to me, just bawling at the thought of him being so unhappy that he wants to end his life.   i just don't know what to do anymore. i feel so lost and scared. ", "answer": "these are all good suggestions. it may help for you to learn and understand more about what suicidal thoughts are. one of the books i typically recommend people read to understand suicide more is, \"why people die by suicide\". it's fairly understandable as it is written for laypeople.   while suicidal thoughts certainly are scary, the best things you can do, as the partner are the following: (1) tell him you want to know what and how he is feeling, (2) telling him that yes, it may be scary but you can handle it. and if it is overwhelming you know where to go for help (but you need to actually know. and a therapist is great for this)  the vast majority of people that have suicidal thoughts do not attempt suicide because there are many reasons for living that are stronger than the reasons for dying. don't be so scared of thoughts of death that it becomes a barrier to enjoying things together and having a life.   it sounds to me like he really does hate his job. people can deal with miserable circumstances if they feel there is an end in sight (hope that things will get better). when there is not hope of things improving the risk of suicide shoots way through the rough. (this hope or the lack thereof is actually one of the best predictors of suicide that we know). as such, help him and support him to find things about his work situation that could be eventually better. (getting more training, applying for other jobs, going to school, changing career, retirement...)  making a connection with a therapist and having an established relationship with a helping professional that you and he trust will be helpful now. and most importantly, it will be even more important should things get worse.   i think you are perhaps the person most in the world that can help and support your partner, i personally think it would be a mistake for you to not be involved in treatment.  i have tried to make this response as brief as possible, happy to say more or clarify if you have questions. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "act78r", "comment_id": "act78r"}, {"question": "i believe i am a sociopath", "description": "ive always been afraid to write about this but here goes. but my sociopathic tendencies arise from girls  basically my whole life i've needed a girlfriend to feel whole, to feel positive emotions such as love and happiness and i'll do anything to acquire those emotions. i  feel dead inside without them. if my friends or family died i would feel nothing unless the girls texts me, then i feel such intense feelings of remorse sadness and depression and missing the person. someone to talk to me every day. it makes me feel less lonely. i feel so empty without one  when a girl doesn't text me back the emotional reaction i feel is unreal. every second of every day is controlled by the text. i cannot focus on anything. i will starve myself the entire day. if a friend or family member dies i don't care unless the girl is taking to me. if they're talking to me i feel regular emotions of sadness and depression and missing the person. tbh without the reply if they die i would feel nothing. i need their friendship as a way to get approval myself. if a friend stops talking to me i literally go insane into panic attack mode. l call their phone 10 times. text them why do you hate me are you still my friend what did i do. but the ultimate reason i'm doing this is not because i care about them but because i need the friendship or i cannot survive. unless i'm talking to the girl, then the genuine emotions of love and friendship come back and i love them again and don't need it  i feel like my sociopathic tendencies lie in this part of my post. like i said without girls i feel no positive emotion for anyone. close friends, family, if they died i would not care.  but when they're talking to me i love them more than anything in the world. so when the girl stops talking to me i go crazy. it feels like my like is over and they'll never talk to me again so i'll make up situations to force a reply. i'll text them my family member died and i need someone to talk to. i'll make up a situation where my car ran out of gas and i need them pick me up. this is all seems sociopathic but the things is i only do  this because i want the approval of the girl. and i want to feel fucking positive emotions for my friends. it's such bullshit to lie to them and tell them i care about them when if they died i wouldn't care at all unless the girl is talking to me. once i get the approval of the girl i don't do any of these things, it's just when then stop texting me back and my mind freaks out and determines it as if they're never going to talk to me again so i must make up ridiculous scenarios to force a reply. i consider myself a horrible person so if you want to comment on that i don't mind. i've been scared to post about this for the longest time but i need to know. thank you ", "answer": "you might want to do a little research on personality disorders (sociopaths are one type, called antisocial personality disorder, along a spectrum of pds). usually that diagnosis is characterized by a lack of empathy in the extreme; does that sound like you?   better yet, see a therapist or psychologist. what you\u2019re describing sounds very distressing for you and that warrants getting help, and perhaps he or she will be able to sort out the meaning and roots of your need for validation from a romantic interest. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7flapo", "comment_id": "7flapo"}, {"question": "need to gain weight", "description": "my (m16) bmi is about 18.7 and 18.5 is underweight,. i'm not really skinny but still my doctor (a psychiatrist do not a \"food doctor\") told me to gain weight even through eating more and less healthy. i have been doing this for like 4 months and i gained 0.3 kilograms, i also stopped \"working out\" (just a bunch of push ups and sit ups) but still nothing.  it feels weird that some people would kill to have my metabolism but i still need to change something", "answer": "r/eatcheapandhealthy may also have some tips for you, i've seen other people make posts there similar to your situation.  i've seen others recommend peanut butter, it's fairly high calorie, cheap, it's got some protein and good fats to it as well.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "fd1c25", "comment_id": "fd1c25"}, {"question": "my tolerance for living this way is coming to an end. i'm unsure as to what is next for me.", "description": "i\u2019m constantly in a dull numb state since i started depression medication 2 months ago. my therapist thinks i\u2019m doing great and has scheduled me 3 weeks apart now a session when i used to go every week to every other if there was a scheduling conflict. but things have just gotten worse and when i try to bring them up, it\u2019s as if she discredits me. i\u2019m unsure if she\u2019s just trying to make me critically think or maybe she is just sick of seeing me.   along with this, my relationship has taken a toll as well. we argue, and i didn\u2019t think it was that much until i was just told that it happens all the time. we have lost a lot of closeness in our relationship. we sleep together, but we rarely cuddle, hold each other, have sex, or even hug or kiss. the lack of physical closeness has really taken a toll on me as well. i have no motivation and i don\u2019t know how to fix any of this. i don\u2019t know what to do that would even be a step in the right direction.   feeling that i\u2019m just stuck in this spot where i am stagnant and can\u2019t make any right choices makes me want to feel more than just a numbness and depression would take over. but i know for the sake of my mental health i can\u2019t do that or i will tumble downward fast.", "answer": "i\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through such a difficult time. i would suggest you consider finding a new therapist if you have tried multiple times to voice when you need and she isn\u2019t listening. you could try once more to say that you are not doing that great and why (med feel, turmoil in relationship, etc) and that you need more sessions. if she dismisses you again say \u201cthat feels really invalidating and dismissive\u201d hopefully she will have a conversation about it. if she doesn\u2019t then find someone new who will do their job. meds aren\u2019t a fix, they need to be combined with consistent therapy as well.   does your t prescribe the meds or someone else? whoever does i would talk to them about how you feel and they can work with you on dose or if a different med would be better. meds aren\u2019t one size fits all and it can take some trial and error. stay strong. i might also suggest some couples therapy to help you and your partner work through this.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ht1mi8", "comment_id": "ht1mi8"}, {"question": "i'm still receiving bills from my suicide attempt", "description": "i have insurance, i didn't ask for this hospital stay it was court ordered.  and yet the bills have been rolling in for months.  be advised if you plan to call for \"help.\"", "answer": "damn i am so sorry!! by help do you mean a crisis hotline? i'm glad that you're still here...doesn't sound like these were physical injuries which is good. but financial debt is no joke!!   anyway, i used to work for a crisis hotline. if anything, do not say you're about to harm yourself, but do call. emphasize what you feel but don't focus on a plan to carry it out. even if you do have one, it will only work against you. what callers need is connection, and these additional details will not help in that. sure it will give you more time with the hotline but thats only because authorities are coming out. some hotlines will stay with you a long time without expressing a definitive plan. if one call is brief, call another, and then another...call all over the country. i'm sorry your reaching out for support ended this way. also i'm sorry if i misunderstood the sequence of events. i just want to encourage other redditors to call crisis hotlines as a former crisis counselor with periodic suicide ideation.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "d53g4b", "comment_id": "d53g4b"}, {"question": "i [20/m] asked for a girl's [19/f] phone number after class and i don't know where to go from here.", "description": "as a preface i work at an escape room that she visited and she recognized me a month later once college had started back. so fast forward back to the 2nd week of class i asked for her number under the preface of not knowing anyone else in the class, and i don't know how long i should wait before asking her to coffee. is there a \"weird\" time like a day or two later, where it is better not to ask? should i just talk to her about classroom things until we become a bit more familiar? i thought it would be best to avoid that but i honestly don't know. i've only ever dated a childhood friend and i recently moved to attend college so i am kind of lost in all this. i know this more opinion that isn't really helpful, but she is the most adorably cute thing i have ever seen.   tl;dr met a girl in class, got her number, and i want to know if there are any do's or don'ts about asking her out on a date.  edit: to clarify, i asked for her number.", "answer": "if she gave you her number, she's waiting for a call. coffee in the daytime is the best place to start.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptsgi", "comment_id": "5ptsgi"}, {"question": "a giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. i just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) i hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "agreed- i've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom.  it's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\"      all the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\"   - thanks guys, i'm sure you know the situation better than i do.      edit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on?  these comments are horrendous.  but at least i can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "1olzjr"}, {"question": "cannabis and irreversible brain damage?", "description": "i've used a lot of cannabis over the past 3-4 years of my life and as a 21 year-old i would like to stop.     i'd rather be told the blunt truth than a lie.  **have i likely inflicted some irreversible changes in my brain?  how long should i expect it to take for my brain to produce an acceptable amount of dopamine on its own?  a few years?  never??**     after a 115-day break last year, the results were very disappointing.  i had extreme focus/motivation problems and a general depression, despite pretty regular exercise. ", "answer": "it's likely those problems exist separately and independent from your weed use ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "68tsgv", "comment_id": "68tsgv"}, {"question": "having issues with sweating all over the body, hands shaking and tremoring, heart palpitations, lost 30 pounds in 6 months etc.", "description": "age: 18  sex:male  height: 6'1  weight: 160 pounds  race: white  duration: as long as i can remember but heightened recently (6 months)  location: whole body  diagnosed with adhd, anxiety and depression  currently taking 10mg of however prescribed 6mg intuniv and 50 mg zoloft  smoke weed at night to fall asleep  ​  symptoms: have been having either diareaha or constipation since seventh grade, kind of just switches between the two of them every few weeks, sweating all over the body, mostly hands and feet getting absolutely soaking wet throughout the day, complete anxiety at all points throughout the day, short breath, have lost 30 pounds in 5 months, trouble sleeping, hands tremoring, whole body shaking, heart palpitations, everytime i step outside into the cold i begin to shiver and it becomes very hard to breath.  ​   i found that i need to take almost twice my prescription of intuniv in order for me to feel these symptoms either fade or go away, if i don't use the 10mg intuniv the only other way to feel okay is to smoke weed, which makes me believe that this has to be in some way due to blood pressure. i went to the doctors at home several months ago and they have absolutely no idea other than thinking its just anxiety, i then went to the doctors a few days ago here to get blood drawn and tested as i suspected i have hyperthyroidism, i went and got my blood drawn while on the 10mg of intuniv, and the results came back negative. i'm not sure whether or not the intuniv can affect a blood test for hyperthyroidism however i feel that might have caused it as i'm completely out of ideas as to what is wrong with me. ", "answer": "no, guanfacine (intuniv) doesn't affect thyroid function tests or the thyroid.  anxiety fits.   you may need a much-higher dosage of sertraline (zoloft). some of my patients with anxiety disorders need as much as 200mg or more.  have you had cognitive behavior therapy?  ​", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "alu6c4", "comment_id": "alu6c4"}, {"question": "long-term mystery odor and sweatiness in genital area f30", "description": "age: 30 years old  sex: female  height: 5'6''  weight: 120 lbs.  race: white  primary complaint: bad (vaginal?) odor when sitting for any amount of time; feel like i have to urinate frequently; excessive sweatiness in vaginal area in social situations and after sitting  medications: none  drinking/smoking/drugs: non-user  about a decade ago i noticed a distinct odor coming from between my legs -- it was unpleasant, but not in a fishy way, and accompanied by a little sweatiness. i closed my legs and just thought 'hmmm, that's odd' and hoped it would go away. a few months before this happened i had a very bad uti that i left untreated for a couple of days and then got antibiotics for -- from that time i've had  a sensitive bladder at night in particular. also, i had been having unprotected sex with a partner at the time, but i got tested for the usual stds afterward and i didn't have anything pop up (could be exotic i suppose, but if so, what?). i lost the ability to smell this odor between my legs after a few months and stopped thinking about it/assumed it went away. unfortunately, the odor/sweatiness never went away. i know this because in the past few years i've noticed that people will get up and move away from where i'm sitting after about 20 minutes of my sitting down because i start to smell awful, which has proven extremely embarrassing to me. i've had two friends comment on it, so i know it's not in my head. i continue to sweat, a lot, down there...after sitting for an extended period of time or when i get into a social situation. this exacerbates the smell, i think, because i can tell people notice and move away from me (but they do so when i'm not sweating too, so it's not just the sweat). the bladder problem has also gotten worse during this period and at night i sometimes have trouble sleeping now because i feel i have to use the bathroom, but when i go, it's not a lot. it's socially been extremely debilitating recently, as even six-seven feet away i've had people relocate to sit further from me. i should add that this hasn't subsided, the sweating, no matter the time of year or my diet, which i've changed up over time. i should also note that i have had annual reproductive health exams and never had a doctor tell me anything looks off down there. i've also been too embarrassed to explain what's happening to me. no burning/itching/strange discharge that i can identify. the strange thing about the (odor) moisture is that it occurs even if i use drysol in the exterior area of the vagina/butt.  thoughts? any ideas will be super helpful.", "answer": "i have dysautonomia which causes hyperhydrosis. i sweat a lot, and most especially in the downtown. i do the public hair trim, use the blow dryer, use panty liners, don\u2019t sleep in underwear and occasionally use a non talc based power on the \u201cleg pits\u201d as a prior commenter called them, but not near the vulva. even with all this i still struggle. medications to help with sweating only make me extremely dry mouthed and i cannot afford (nor do i want) botox every few weeks in the downtown. i just do my best with the above and deal with it.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dyvbw9", "comment_id": "dyvbw9"}, {"question": "temporary blindness and death", "description": "so i am;   19   male   5ft 10\"   80kg   white - british     this has happened 5 times within the past 3 years and most recently happened inside a bank whilst i was in a queue. basically what happens is i start to feel very un-energetic and feel very week. after a few minutes my vision and hearing starts to fade out. my vision fades to black and then i can't see for around a minute, my hearing gets all muffled to the point i can't understand a thing and then i feel very sick as well as it being hard to balance. after around a minute or so  my hearing and vision comes back quite slowly and i recover quickly with my vision coming back first then my balance. the sicky feeling goes away and then the hearing comes back, but then i am stuck with a ringing and humming for a few more minutes.    i am planning to book and appointment with a doctor, but thought i would ask here first.", "answer": "that sounds presyncopal\u2014basically, you\u2019re on the verge of fainting. that can have benign causes, but it can also be a serious heart issue. please see a doctor as soon as possible and go to a&e if it happens again.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cjbqaq", "comment_id": "cjbqaq"}, {"question": "feel like i have cancer \ud83d\ude29", "description": "i found this collar bone lump like two days ago, it\u2019s been worrying me and i can\u2019t go to the doctors until 7th january, they\u2019re not available before that. some people tell me it\u2019s normal bone anatomy but literally everything i search i don\u2019t find this bone. look at this picture: WEBLINK  tell me it\u2019s normal bone \ud83d\ude29 it feels like bone, doesn\u2019t move and it\u2019s on my collarbone if not a part of it. i can\u2019t feel it on my other side, what if this is lymphoma?! would lymphoma grow like that?!", "answer": "i noticed that you've made a lot of posts recently about various health concerns, as well as some symptoms of ocd-like fears when you were younger. it sounds like you could be dealing with health ocd, and are trying to get reassurance that there isn't anything wrong with you. the trap of health ocd is that no amount of reassurance can ever truly make us feel okay for long, because 1) nothing can ever give us 100% certainty that there isn't a problem, and 2) some new fear will always take its place. i linked a good article on health ocd (aka hypochondriasis) below, i'd recommend checking it out and seeing if it rings true to you.   [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)", "topic": "healthanxiety", "post_id": "e8gvnu", "comment_id": "e8gvnu"}, {"question": "i need to make a voting system for my school's film festival. people need to be able to vote on the movie that they think win without there being any errors or cheating.", "description": "last year we used google forms but people were able to submit multiple people. it will need to be able to support a few hundred votes. what would the best system be?", "answer": "if it has to be anonymous, you could have them enter an id # based on, say, a combo of their student id and date of birth or something along those lines. i've seen some surveys ask me to enter, like, first two letters of mom's name, the two digit day i was born, and last letter of my first name. just obscure enough to hide my identity, still unique to just me. i suppose people could still forge some but it might be enough of a barrier to stop most.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "f9dh1k", "comment_id": "f9dh1k"}, {"question": "boyfriend (26/m) wants me (24/f) to lose weight...", "description": "i want to start off by saying that i have been a consistently healthy weight my whole life. i am an athletic build and have a full time very active job, so my body is pretty built muscularly. my genes cause me to have a round face and carry any unwanted weight around my stomach/thighs. i have gained maybe 10 pounds in the 4 years that we have been together, most of which i chalk up to growing up.  my boyfriend, whom i have lived with for 4yrs, has made small comments here and there throughout our relationship about my appearance but i have chose to overlook them due to many of his other redeeming qualities. we have had a pretty regular sex life until the past three months or so, now the sex has stopped. he is an avid gym goer (6days/wk) and is constantly pressuring me to go. i do go once or twice a week, which is plenty given how much physical labor i do at work. he recently decided to inform me again that it is a regular part of most peoples lives to go to the gym everyday. he also said that i have changed a lot physically since we were first together. i think that his qualms are completely ridiculous and quite frankly he has pissed me off. i am writing to see if of you have had a similar problem of your so pressuring you to lose weight/work out? how did you handle the situation? any advice for what i should say to the bf?", "answer": "sounds like ur a conscientious, healthy woman. and sounds like you look pretty much the same as before.  it's his problem that he's harping", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjnp4", "comment_id": "5tjnp4"}, {"question": "antidepressants & sex drive", "description": "hey everyone i\u2019ve posted before about this but i wanna see if there\u2019s anything different in responses.   so i\u2019m 17m and i started taking sertraline (zoloft) about six months ago. everything was normal until around 5-7 days and almost immediately, from that point on, it\u2019s been harder to get and stay erect. nothing really gets me hard anymore and i guess my sex drive has plummeted. i just can\u2019t get hard. sometimes as i get near orgasm it gets hard briefly but it doesn\u2019t last long usually, it just goes back flaccid in the middle of a masturbation session. it\u2019s slightly better than a couple months ago but it\u2019s just difficult to get into anything like this.   i\u2019m not sexually active but it does make it difficult to masturbate and i just want pleasure. is there anyway to get back to being horny? i\u2019m kinda just frustrated at this point. ", "answer": "if sertraline is really making a big difference for you, talk to the doctor who's prescribing it about what you can do to restore libido. there are broadly two ways to go: switch from sertraline to something else, or manage the side effects. it's not ideal to treat side effects of medications with more medications, but it is doable, and there are a lot of  extra meds to counteract that particular side effect. none have great evidence\u2014there's not evidence they *don't* work, just not robust evidence that they do, but anecdotally and in published case series they seem helpful.  especially if sertraline is not doing you a whole lot of good, it's absolutely reasonable to try something else. sometimes if one ssri has sexual side effects another does not; there are also non-ssri medications for depression or anxiety worth trying.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9v62h9", "comment_id": "9v62h9"}, {"question": "depressed talking with another depressed individual", "description": "i don't have depression, but my so does.  she's been depressed most of her life and her life isn't getting better anytime soon, or at least she thinks so. while we've been keeping her depression at bay a lot of times, she's an active member of a particular chat group. she's pretty well known there and a lot of people personally chats her, either to hit her, random chat, or asking for life advice. ironic because she's suicidal herself.  often she would find someone depressed, who shares the same condition with her. so she felt the need to reach out to these individuals. at first it seemed great, noble cause, and i thought she could find solace knowing others share the same experience. but a lot of times, seeing the sorrow others have to endure triggered her depression. just recently she reached out to someone who already set out his suicide date, and well... it didn't sit well with her, so she became suicidal as well, said hurtful words at me, and pushed me like i'm a stranger.  this is a very sensitive subject, especially for this subreddit. but for redditors who are depressed and frequents at this subreddit, does it ever trigger you? i did show my disagreement toward her, but she said she couldn't help it. honestly, i'm stressed every time this happens and i want her to stop.  but i can't go and say \"you dealing with depressed people is making you depressed, and it's stressing me out\"...", "answer": "i have a job where i deal with self harmful and suicidal teenagers everyday. while unhealthy, it fosters a bit of a codependency because i know to an extent they need me and to a certain extent i need them (or at least my job cause it makes me feel like i have purpose). that being said, it's very easy to burn out cause of vicarious trauma because i'm listening to their stories and watching them at times destroying themselves and sometimes, i feel guilty i couldn't do more to stop it. my now-ex, as well as a handful of others i know, don't believe i'm in the right field given my diagnosis. i've heard countless times that because i'm depressed or suicidal, how can i possibly help others. it's not easy, it's a daily struggle, but self-care is key. your girlfriend needs some level of understanding from you as to why she's doing what she's doing but reminded also that she can not control the behavior of others. it is not her job to save people, but she's doing her part to listen and help people save themselves. she needs support when she's burning out, not judgment.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "5j0epj", "comment_id": "5j0epj"}, {"question": "new guy here, and i'm begging for some real advice. i've ruined my marriage, and i don't know how to make up for 5 years of damage. please read on for a lengthy story...", "description": "so, as a heads up, this will be a bit lengthy. i'll give a tl;dr disclaimer at the bottom. but my story requires some background information.      i've been married to my wife since december 23, 2005. we got together in july of 2005. we've been best friends since 1995. and i mean as close as friends could possibly get. there's always been a level of comfort between us that i never knew existed, and a connection that was unexplainable.      since a month or two after we got together, we decided to have another child. but it never happened. there was something wrong with one of us, but we were both too scared to find out. as a relevant side story, she had a child when she was 17. the father was(is) a real scumbag, and was in and out of jail throughout the pregnancy and throughout my daughter's life. i have been the only father figure in chastity's(my daughter) life, which i stepped up to the day i found out my wife was pregnant. now i digress.      our relationship was great, all the way up to 3 months into the marriage. then i started playing this online game(space cowboy for those wondering.). i neglected giving my wife any attention, and would barely ever speak to her. i didn't catch on to the cries for attention, or the fact that there was something wrong. so she had an affair. we decided to work through it. she was truly sorry and embarrassed, and i was truly willing to forgive her. while it was completely un-acceptable what she did, i knew the reasoning, and felt i would've done the same thing.      thing is, i never forgave her. i constantly brought it up. i became consumed with distrust and jealousy. i tried to control her actions; where she went, who she talked to. and the worst part: i called her a \"whore\" every single time we fought. we went three years like this. we'd have some great times, but we were both unhappy. i had turned into a monster.      she tried talking to me many many times, and tell me there was a problem. we both started shutting down. gone was the affection, the passion, the true love, the making love. she was more and more lonely, as was i. we missed each other so much, but were too far apart to do anything. i think we were even blind to how sever it was. she started talking to someone else in the beginning of this year, and i started talking to an old \"friend\" of mine. she found out, and assumed i had cheated on her, which honestly, i didn't. though, that was my intention at the time.      so she had another affair. again, we decided we were too close, too strong to let this tear us apart. we just wanted to be us again. but my hatred and resentment grew further for her. calling her a \"whore\" was a daily thing. she was totally shut down. but still, she stood by my side, hoping things would change. why?      so now we're here. about 2 weeks ago, she'd had enough. she wanted a divorce. i never realized how horrible i was up until this day. but all my promises were no good anymore. i spent the last 2 weeks bawling like a child at the mistakes i've made, begging her to stay. the papers are still in the night stand. she told me she's not in love with who i am today, and she misses the real me. she can't live like this. i'm proud of her. she shouldn't live like this. but i've done some soul searching, and i've truly forgiven her for the past. i did it for myself. i just couldn't hold on to those demons anymore. i'm not that controlling, jealous monster anymore. but the love is gone out of our marriage. i know she wants to fix this, she's admitted she just wants me back. but how do i fix this? how do i show her?      i feel so distant from her, and i'm scared to do/say many things. i miss holding my wife's hand. i miss putting my arm around her during movies. and most of all, i miss those 5 second moments when we'd just look into each others eyes, silent.      i'm really sorry for the ranting, reddit. i'm sure many of you understand the need to just vent, even if no one listens. i'm just looking for some simple advice, especially from people who have been here. thanks everyone.      fyi: divorce is an option, and we'd both be very civil about it. but neither of us want a divorce, we just don't want to live like this.      tl;dr: after 4 or 5 years of ruining my marriage and degrading my wife, how can i prove things are truly different? i'll answer any questions in comments. thanks again everyone.      **edit:** i fixed the paragraph issue. my apologies. :)      **edit:** honestly, i expected some criticism; looked forward to it actually. even expected quite a bit of you to tell us to divorce. what amazes me is how society has completely lost the value of marriage. of course, my wife and i screwed up *big time.* but why is the only advice to an unhappy marriage to divorce? this isn't a high school relationship. we married each other because we're so in love, so connected, that there's no doubt in our mind that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. the process of changing, adapting, and fixing problems is the only thing that will hold a marriage together.      i'm not really complaining about everyone suggesting divorce; i have a feeling most haven't been married, had a marriage end badly, or haven't yet hit the point of having major problems. i'm just amazed at how easy it is for people as a whole to say \"get a divorce.\"      **another edit:** if it makes a difference, my wife and i come from severely broken homes. not really going to get into it, but i grew up with an alcoholic father, parents divorced at 16, occasional abuse. my wife had it worse, with a horribly alcoholic mother, who disappeared for 10 years of her life. she was always lied to about who was her real parents. raised by her grandparents, she was abused in many ways, but that's the most detail i'll go into about it. ", "answer": "i know this is not a sexy answer, but if you are both willing, i highly recommend seeing a therapist.  you have a lot to work through with the affair and the distance between you two.  therapists certainly aren't magical but they can help if both of you are willing to do the work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dp6mg", "comment_id": "dp6mg"}, {"question": "on space and notice", "description": "five months ago, my girlfriend and i (young professionals) moved into a one-bedroom apartment together. we live about 3 hours away from her family, and further than that from mine. a couple of weeks back, her mom, kid brother, and german shepherd visited and stayed with us. they gave us plenty of notice. we made sure the place was clean and everyone had space to sleep, and everything was cool.  yesterday, out of the blue, her mom called and said she was in town and asked if she could stay the night. my girlfriend then deferred to me and said it was my call. i felt this put me in a bad position, but i said it was ok and didn't object. i then slept on the couch while she and her mom shared the bed.   i am frustrated because had it been my family, my response would have been that, absent emergency, they do not get to do that without notice, and that i would help make hotel or other arrangements, but i would not have put my so in that position.  this isn't that a big of a deal, but the absence of what i consider a common courtesy on both my girlfriend and her mother's part is frustrating to me. further, i'm not sure how to address this without being the bad guy, because they both seem to think this is completely normal and acceptable. maybe i am the bad guy for being bothered by this and i need to just move on. any advice is much appreciated.", "answer": "notice is always polite. beyond that, you still had a choice. you could have said no. always err on the side of generosity; your relationships will last longer.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61rva6", "comment_id": "61rva6"}, {"question": "had 2 months yesterday", "description": "and today is super rough. the only reason im not drinking or buying benzos today is because i'll lose everything if i do. just super negative and wanting to say fuck it so bad. but im not gonna. its usually not like this, but when it is its fucking rough. eitherway, im not going to drink tonight, for whatever the reason. tomorrow will be better though. just gotta make it through tonight.", "answer": "keep posting here, i'll be up all night if it keeps you sober for another day.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1a95e1", "comment_id": "1a95e1"}, {"question": "how to find out if i (25,m) am still in love with her (23,f)", "description": "hey everyone, since some time my feelings for my girlfriend of ~2 years are getting weaker. i assume it could be because i started working >40hours about a year ago. we dont live together, so we only see each other on our date nights, and with my different sports and spending time with my flatmates i would say we met on average 1-2 times a week in the last year. could this be the reason my feelings towards her are diminishing?   because of this we're taking a break of one week and my feelings are going like a rollercoaster, yesterday morning i felt super anxious because of the thought of not being with her anymore, but when i came home and watched some sports with my flatmates, afterwards i was not so sure anymore. i dont know what i should do.  she is an extraordinary girl and if i could rekindle the love i had in the beginning i would absolutely love to do so, but i dont know if can manage that. i dont want to give her false hope and then end it some months later. is there any way to be sure?  any advice would be greatly appreciated!", "answer": "long term relationships go through ups and downs. look at the big picture. if the rel. is loving, solid, stable and she's terrific, then hang in there.  keep talking and see a counselor if necessary", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdl6", "comment_id": "5ssdl6"}, {"question": "student says he is mentally ill and talks about unusual things, i obliged. should i do this?", "description": "i'm an online english instructor. each class with me lasts for 25 minutes.    my student comes on, a thirty something guy with a seemingly jolly vibe. but when i asked him how he was, he told me that nothing much changed (it's our second class) and that he's still alone and mentally ill. he chuckled after telling me this. i was a little worried but i didn't let it show. i had less than an hour with him in a speaking class. i'll let him express himself more. i wasn't sure if i heard him right.   he chose the topic \"future\" from a list. i asked him about his plans in the near future and with a few more chuckles he told me he doesn't have much plans because he wants to resign from his job and live off his savings. i'm panicking inside but i let him elaborate. i can't recall what he said though, sorry. i didn't advise him not to nor did i egg him on, i just asked him to tell me more about that. he clarified that he knows it won't happen so he'd have to continue.     the questions are from another list so i ask him about the next: plans for the next 4 years. he said he had none because he wants to die (still chuckling about it as if he was kidding). i still didn't tell him what to do about it and linked it to a related question in the link.     the conversation went from there to some conspiracies he believed (like n.korea planning to nuke the world to solve overpopulation, he said he wasn't sure though), to dreams from his youth (he wanted to be a biotech expert to save starving populations but he wasn't good at math so he gave up. i told him i was similar: wanted to be an astronomer/astronaut but was bad at math and science. it made him laugh! the he said wistfully, \"why didn't god give us those talents...(despite good intentions)?\").     later on, the talk went to aliens, supernatural stuff, robots and a possible future where robots could take over the world in approximately 80 years (he cited a source!). every turn, i met him with open-ended questions and shared my love for all these \"weird\" things. at some point he tells me he has met an alien who claimed to be an angel and that was one thing that made him mentally ill today (his words).    i'm worried that i did the wrong thing by indulging his topics and beliefs. i probably had too much fun and he seemed genuinely happy. the next time he comes in, should i be more serious about this?   edit: he didn't clarify his condition and i didn't ask. i'm not trying to single him out, i think he's great to speak with buy yes, i have no idea if there's something i should know about how i was to him.", "answer": "psychiatrist here. i don't think you'll do harm by indulging anyone (after all, you don't know if he has mental health problems or not), but essentially it's not your problem. have you had any child protection training? just keep your professional boundaries and stick to common sense when managing him - advice to speak to someone if he causes concern or contact emergency services if there's a suspicion of significant harm to self or others.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "66w3tn", "comment_id": "66w3tn"}, {"question": "how to be a womans casual friend (x-post from dating_advice", "description": "i have met women lately in coffee shops, and in each case before they left they gave me some option to keep in touch, like facebook or a business card with their number on it. i am guessing that in 99% the subtext is obvious that they are interested in me sexually, if not immediately than maybe after a few more dates. is this assumption correct?  secondly, i do not feel attracted to them in that way. so i'm wondering, if the assumption is not correct, and i would not be leading them on, can we just be friends? and how should i go about transmitting and implying that is what i want?  i really enjoy the company of women more than men. they are typically more mature and wise. but for me as a man i can't really be friends with them, because the whole situation is seen in a sexual context to begin with. except i guess with girls that aren't attracted to me... but even then i think the assumption in their mind is that i'm trying to hit on them.  p.s. i honestly don't believe in the \"friendzone\" thing. i think if they are attracted they will remain attracted (unless i do something gross etc but then they wont want anything to do with me). people that think they have been \"friendzoned\" were always heading that way since the moment they met. because the girl didn't find them attractive.  hope you can answer my questions above.", "answer": "your assumption is incorrect -- just because a woman gives you her contact information doesn't mean that she's interested in you sexually. if she's interested in you sexually or romantically, she will give other signals (flirtatious touch, telling you she's interested, etc).", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "36k2o5", "comment_id": "36k2o5"}, {"question": "i am so proud of myself", "description": "i got my 3 assignment marks back from uni. all a's. my grandma took me out for lunch and got me a new bag. she was so proud of me too. my medication helped a lot. this is coming from someone who thought they'd never ever excel in anything.   ​  and for all of you guys, whether you're achieving or not, i'm proud of you too. keep it up!", "answer": "i love your grandma. she gets it. the struggle. the guilt and shame. give her a cuddle for me.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "bmewt4", "comment_id": "bmewt4"}, {"question": "im sure this has been posted before but who else cant fucking stand when someone says \u201coh i think i\u2019m a little bit adhd too\u201d just because they cant focus on something all the way", "description": "so many people do this all the time and it makes me so mad.  it just makes me kind of feel that no one really thinks it\u2019s a big deal, and makes me feel stupid for sometimes trying to explain that adhd is the reason things i sometimes can\u2019t get my work done or am late to things, ect.  it seems that since people without adhd always tend to attribute something like not being able to pay attention in a boring lecture to \u201chaving a little bit of adhd\u201d it completely delegitimizes the disorder as a whole because apparently \u201ceveryone has a little adhd\u201d   and if i try to explain it to someone they tend to think that im just making excuses for being lazy because they think they already know everything about adhd or something.   tl:dr  people tend to say things like \u201ci think we all have a little adhd\u201d and it really pisses me off and it seems to make those who really have it look stupid and lazy.", "answer": "i\u2019ve seen a lot of posts like this and it makes me grateful that those comments don\u2019t get to me. i think it\u2019s because i\u2019ve changed my perspective on my adhd from a negative to a positive.   the way it was presented to me as a kid (now to be clear parents lied and didn\u2019t tell me i had adhd/didn\u2019t believe in it until i was about 22), was that i thought different from other people. that whole most people\u2019s brains connect in straight lines, mine connects in zig zags, and i internalized that as being special.   now my symptoms were hell growing up bc again, i didn\u2019t know what they were and it was treated  as a personal failure (high iq= if i had really tried the result would have been better). and then i almost felt like i was cheating when i got on medication at 22 because i felt like the meds gave me an advantage (not realizing it just leveled the playing field).  but i still felt like the non-attentional/impulsive/hyperactive aspects of adhd made me somehow more than my peers because my brain worked differently than there\u2019s did (problem solving, creativity, etc).    for me it\u2019s like.... okay so i suffer from migraines, but i don\u2019t tell people who just have regular headaches that they\u2019re lucky/i have a legit medical issue/they calling their headache a migraine makes a mockery of my experience. they\u2019re difficulty paying attention or whatever is a speed bump versus my mountain, but they still have a hard time dealing with their speed bump.   i don\u2019t know, that\u2019s just how i stay sane in this world of \u201cif you really tried you could do it.\u201d  ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "84lj4b", "comment_id": "84lj4b"}, {"question": "my sponsee took her own life and i didn\u2019t see it coming.", "description": "* edit:* thank you so much for all the stories, advice and words of wisdom. it really has helped me during this tough time. i went to the service today and i was able to speak and meet all of her family and friends. they also felt the guilt that i felt. i knew her barely one year and they knew her for 35 years. i felt like i was a drop in her bucket of life but i was a good drop. a positive one. i am going to take a break from sponsees and focus on myself. i love you guys. for real. \ud83d\udd3a\u2764\ufe0f   this is hard. i feel guilty. i know it\u2019s not my fault but i\u2019ve been sober 5 years and this is my first sponsee that i was close to and she took her own life.  she called me the day she did it but i was at work and asked her if she was okay and if i could call her back. she said she was okay and it was just a crazy day. she just wanted my advice on something. i forgot to call her back. i regret that so much right now.  i know i can\u2019t save anyone. i\u2019m not god. but i feel like shit for not seeing it or expecting it.   she was finishing her steps. we were going over 11 & 12. she had 7 months sober. she was older than me and had tried this aa thing many times. she had tried to off herself twice before i met her.   she seemed like she was doing so well.. maybe that\u2019s what should\u2019ve tipped me off. i\u2019m just mad and sad and confused and upset. the service is friday. i feel like it\u2019s so far away. idk i\u2019m just posting to see if anyone else has been through this.   it has been making me scared to get close to a sponsee again. i know this is irrational. i know it wasn\u2019t my fault. i know i won\u2019t understand. i know she was dealing with feelings of failure. i know she was scared to live.   this is not the full story but it\u2019s a summary.    tldr: my sponsee committed suicide and i feel like shit. i didn\u2019t see it coming.", "answer": "i haven't been through the exact same thing as you but i have lost one sponsee to overdose and a friend in the program to suicide (who had multiple years of sobriety). i felt numb and in shock, then guilty, sad, ashamed, angry.... the whole range is normal i think. i took a break from sponsoring for a bit after the sponsee's death. it's ok to take the time you need to process and feel whatever comes up. take good care of yourself.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ds22j3", "comment_id": "ds22j3"}, {"question": "adult adhd first appointment monday", "description": "did that title rhyme?   ​  big thanks to this subreddit i've found so many helpful techniques and ways to prevent my adhd of getting the best of me.  reading about everybody's stories has help me prevent things before happening and i find myself giving my adhd the middle finger more lately and it feels good.  ​  going to a appointment with a lmhc,   what i expect out of my appointment   \u00ba getting diagnosed   \u00ba coping mechanisms for anxiety and sometimes i get depressed.  \u00ba figure more about whats going on.. sounds dumb but my brain is my norm. am i a typical brain or whats going on. what if i think im normal but what if my self-assessment is really bad.  am i normal or a psycho-path (i don't think im a psycho-path thats just a example)   \u00ba homework or reference me to a more qualified specialist   ​  i've always stayed away from doctors and therapist mainly because my parents never trusted doctors and pass that mentality onto me.  stay away from them damn pill pushers lol....   i am somewhat skeptical of seeing a counselor, i am excited but at the same time what are you going to do.. ask a whole bunch of questions i dont have the answers for?  a lot of helpful information on cbt is online   ​  ​", "answer": "the first appointment is usually an intake appointment, where they gather information to use for your treatment. depending on the therapist, they may feel competent to treat adhd or not. i know i sought out a specialist for adhd treatment when i first started going to therapy.  research has shown that the active ingredient in therapy is the relationship between client and counselor, not so much the actual techniques used. you might be able to find cbt stuff on the internet but the advantage of going to see a therapist is that the handouts will be tailored to your needs.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ajvhl5", "comment_id": "ajvhl5"}, {"question": "the on again off again binge drinker", "description": "hello all, 27 m here.  i just discovered this sub reddit today and i'm hoping this community could be what i need. i don't have the support from any person to truly help.  i have the parents that say \"stop drinking\"... yea, big help. the girlfriend who says \"we'll do it together\"....and doesn't follow through. the best friend and brother who say \"i need to quit already\"... and show up to my place with beers for the game.  i've felt i've always had a strong will power but maybe not since i have been able to stop in the past but then fall back down.   i decided i was going to be the forerunner for everyone. quit smoking and drinking cold turkey for 2 months. everyone said if i could do it for a month they would join my quest. after 2 months and no support i lost hope and came back down to their level. it was disheartening that my efforts went unnoticed and i was truly alone on it. slight depression hit and i gave in.  i'm not an everyday drinker but if there is a big sports game to watch, some big event (concert), party, or even just going to the bar on the weekend i binge drink. which pretty much turns into every other night of drinking. $100+ tabs a night every time. *(i don't want to turn that number into a pissing contest.)*  i've come to the point i'm living week to week on paychecks. when i was once comfortable with finances. i know the amazing feeling it is to be sober. i miss it. i want it. i'm having trouble getting it back.  there seems to be no middle ground with me when it comes to drinking. i agree with the expression \"everything in moderation.\" but this is one thing i cannot do moderately. it's always over the top. once i start it continues in my lifestyle.  it's not easy to do. especially when all my friends use drinking as a focal point to going out and being social. i've gone out while sober with them for extended periods of time. i found i was out of the loop and not enjoying myself as much as everyone else. as sad as that is to say. i don't need booze to enjoy everything, it's that aspect of the lifestyle of going to bars to hang with friends. i'm also not going to stop being friends with them over it. they are great people.  so i became a shut-in when not drinking. it became easier to avoid any temptation of drinking but it kills my social life. it also hurts my relationship with my girlfriend when she wants to get out, but i know what that turns into.  it's either a \"all or nothing\" type of situation for me.   i've done it before. i can do it again. this time i just need to find how i can deal with being able to be social with all these drinkers without partaking in the drinking myself...and keep it up. maybe even try to figure out how to moderate my drinking while being social but i just don't know how or know if i want to at all.  **i'd greatly appreciate anyone's advice, opinion, and experiences with this.**  thank you for taking the time to read this.   this sub reddit shouldn't use these but i'll give it anyways.  tl;dr : i have the ability to quit, done it, yet failed on and off many times. looking for ways to stay sober and socially active without the booze with heavy drinking friends.", "answer": "i think the biggest problem among binge drinkers trying to get sober is when they get some sobriety under their belt and reward themselves with a drink starting yet another binge. i started as a binger before becoming a daily drinker and i know exactly how you feel. i think what's important is to have an idea of what you want. do you want to take an extended leave before coming back, do you want to quit drink entirely?   i personally would recommend complete abstinence. most of us alcoholics have found that no matter how long we stay sober if we go back it becomes just as bad as it was when we stopped before.   you definitely have one of the key markers of an alcoholic binge drinker in the no ability to moderate statement, so if i were you i'd look into some of the support groups for alcohol, those being aa, smart, lifering, etc.   lastly, if you do get involved with one of those groups or are thinking about, but unsure post here and we can offer you our experiences.   good luck and i hope to see you around.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq7hf", "comment_id": "1fq7hf"}, {"question": "does being admitted into a psychiatric hospital prevent me from becoming an expressive arts therapist in the future?", "description": "update: i called the licensing board and they said being inpatient is not a problem as long as i pass the psychological evaluation and do not have a criminal record! thank you for everyone who responded!  so long story short, i learned the hard way that ptsd and depression left untreated can result in acute psychosis, and was hospitalized last year.  since being hospitalized, i've been taking medication, and working very hard to be stable. in addition to having a psychiatrist for medication, i also have a therapist who is a licensed social worker and has a background in art, music, and play therapy. i feel that using expressive art therapy is the biggest reason i've made such great progress this past year. it enabled me to communicate thoughts and feelings i previously was unable to express.  that's why i would like to become an expressive arts therapist. i would love the opportunity to help others understand their mental health and help others heal by being creative. as i was researching the educational requirements, i came across a site that said you will have your medical history evaluated. while i know there are people with a career in mental health who also have mental illness themselves, i'm not sure if previously being inpatient would be a problem. it would be a shame to go through 8-10 years of school, just to find out i wouldn't be able to make a career of it. my therapist doesn't know, so i have no idea who i can ask.", "answer": "it can depend. i have been through extensive psychiatric care and i am also now a clinician. lived experience is valuable in mental health and allows you to empathize in ways other clinicians cannot. however, while you are in school it is critical that you are doing your own therapy and using your therapist and not your classes as a way to heal. separation of your education and your career from your treatment helps establish those healthy boundaries early.  i can say that i would never apply for a position in a practice or hospital i received treatment from and i seriously doubt they would hire me because of my treatment history. i would gain access to information that could be damaging to me. but recovery is possible and helping others while in recovery is absolutely something that can be done.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eage3a", "comment_id": "eage3a"}, {"question": "how long unto therapy before you feel better?", "description": "i've been going to therapy for about a month now and i still suffer from the same anxiety and depression and there seems to be no relief in sight. how long into therapy do people usually go before they start feeling better?", "answer": "therapist here. this probably isn't the answer you're looking for but i feel being honest is the best. some people go their whole life attending therapy. others maybe a year. the point it that it varies from person to person. what i can say with more certainty though is that it will take longer than a few months. the fact that you attend therapy is a big step and don't overlook that. just keep going, be as honest as you can, and wait for the therapy to take. unfortunately therapy is a process that is difficult to speed up in this drive-through society. just try to relax and remember that by being there you are helping yourself. little by little. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3zqh6w", "comment_id": "3zqh6w"}, {"question": "i'm just not attracted to this girl, maybe i have unrealistic standards.", "description": "she is clearly attracted to me, but i don't find her physically attractive. i don't want to get in another ugly relationship but something in me says that i should give it a chance. if it blows up it would be awful because i share all my clases with her (college). have you guys experienced something similar? do you have some advice for me? ", "answer": "there's not a whole lot of magic and mystery left in this world, but physical attraction is one of them.  if you're expecting every girl you date to look like a super model, then yes, your expectations are inappropriate.  otherwise, it's just chemistry.. [i have no idea why my dog sniffs one dogs privates and not another's]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tao73", "comment_id": "5tao73"}, {"question": "[17/m] i've been dating my girlfriend [17/f] for 5 months and haven't even kissed her", "description": "i've been dating my girlfriend since summer started. she's actually my first since i'm the most nervous guy on the planet. it's been many months now and all i've gotten to is hugging her! i've gone on walks with her, gone to the movies with her, gone to dances with her, but i haven't even held her hand, let alone kissed her! i can also feel that she is also getting frustrated that i'm not escalating our relationship further.  reddit, help me! what do i do?", "answer": "once you do it once it will get easier and more natural.... so, just do it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1sclpq", "comment_id": "1sclpq"}, {"question": "chances of being pregnant?", "description": "so i and my boyfriend were fooling around yesterday, when he touched me down there. he had ejaculated in his hand prior to that, but i told him to wash his hands, and he did - he washed them with soap and water, and wiped them as well. also, if it helps, he did not insert his fingers in me at all. but he is not convinced that we're safe from an accidental pregnancy.  given this situation, is there actually a risk of me getting pregnant?   p.s. my period just finished the day before yesterday (i.e. my period lasts 7 days, and yesterday technically would count as the 8th day)", "answer": "pregnancy is extremely unlikely in this situation.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5132oy", "comment_id": "5132oy"}, {"question": "would anyone listen to a podcast about bpd?", "description": "i'm a total podcast addict. i've had so much entertainment and learned so much from various podcasts. i was wondering if anyone had done the same with bpd, but i could only find two of them and they're no longer live.  if i put together a podcast showcasing bpd, would anyone listen? i was considering answering listener questions, featuring a different symptom each episode with expert interviews and maybe therapeutic solutions for them, and maybe reading a listener poem/diary entry each episode.  idk, just something i thought of. i know a lot of people have benefited from this forum and i feel like a podcast might organize things better. plus it might reach a larger audience. anyway, let me know what you guys think  edit: wow! what an awesome response! i'll start a website and researching topics right away. would anyone like to create a logo? i'm not very creative in that aspect", "answer": "i'd be interested in helping out somehow. i've always wanted to do one myself but don't have the slightest clue how to. i am in the professional field as well if that makes any difference! the stigma would def be a good topic as well to cover", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "6cuw6u", "comment_id": "6cuw6u"}, {"question": "got appendix removed today.", "description": "20male  yesterday i went into the er and they told me i had very early appendicitis and that i would have surgery to get it removed the next day. after about 5 hours i was feeling healthy enough and showing good progress that they sent me home.   questions i have  -is it normal to feel bloated after the surgery. i\u2019m still feeling bloated.  -i am frequently peeing is that normal.  -i feel like i have the mobility of a pregnant lady.   feel free to provide any sort of tips or insight that can help me out during my recovery.  thanks i\u2019m advance ", "answer": "if you left so quickly i'm assuming it was laparoscopic. to have space to work in they pump co2, and until it absorbs you actually can be bloated. you also urinate a lot from the fluids given intravenously during surgery. it's unpleasant, but it should get better over the next few days. surgeons often understate discomfort and overstate speed of recovery, but you'll get better daily. the first day after surgery can be worse than the day of, though, just as warning. your body has time to mobilize its inflammatory response to the holes poked in you.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8mee2b", "comment_id": "8mee2b"}, {"question": "need to be helpful", "description": "hey, r/stopdrinking. i'm trying to take some advice from my sponsor and someone in my network and be helpful to others tonight. that being said, if you would find it helpful to talk to someone in their early to mid twenties with six months of sobriety, then feel free to pm me and we can figure out the best way to accomplish that. if not, please have a great (sober) night. thanks for reading.", "answer": "my bad it's late i completely misread that.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1j4wzj", "comment_id": "1j4wzj"}, {"question": "it's been over 6 months since i [26m] got dumped by my ex [25f] and i still can't get her out of my head, what should i do?", "description": "we were together for about a year and 4 months and i was about to move closer to her. we had a really bad breakup, mostly with me not knowing how do deal with these emotions until it got to the point where she just refused to talk to me. i called her twice asking her to reconsider and thought we agreed to wait until after her finals so we can reevaluate the situation, but after a month i texted her and she responded with \"don't reach out to me again\".  the first few weeks after the breakup i was a mess, even had the police here a few times cause my friends were worried about me. i can't blame them for it, but i don't think it was needed.  fast forward a few months, and i still struggle ever day not to contact her (haven't reached out to her since late december when she said not to contact her again) and i just don't know how much longer i can stay sane with this pain. most of my friends are getting tired of dealing me with and i honestly cant blame them... i wasn't to be with her more than anything in the world, and i'd do anything to make this pain go away. i've tried seeing a therapist and even tried many different ones, but that wasn't helping. i met new people and made awesome new friends but i don't know how much longer i can keep hiding this depression from everyone.   how do i open a discussion with her again? how do i fix this and not let the person i love destroy me emotionally... how do i become my old cheerful self again so i can meet someone new? i'm lost, confused, hurt and just don't know what to do with my life anymore", "answer": "my suggestion would be therapy, and progress in therapy can take time. why haven't you stuck with a therapist? working through this will take time and effort on your part, focusing on yourself and not her.   a therapist may suggest exploring antidepressants which can be a short term option to help get you through this time. best of luck to you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69p31i", "comment_id": "69p31i"}, {"question": "how to support/celebrate boyfriend's anniversary", "description": "hi all,  ​  my boyfriend's 14 year anniversary is this week. aa is incredibly important to him, and a huge part of his life, and of course he's very important to me and a huge part of my life. i want to make sure i'm celebrating/congratulating/acknowledging him appropriately on this day. what is appropriate etiquette for someone like me, who is not in aa, but who is dating someone who is?  ​  thanks so much.", "answer": "i don\u2019t know how he would feel about it, but how about talking with his sponsor and surprising him with presenting his medallion to him? not sure how you would feel about it either, but just a thought!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "c4vv28", "comment_id": "c4vv28"}, {"question": "are therapists really \"nonjudgemental\"?", "description": "i read everywhere that therapists are nonjudgemental but it sounds emotionnaly impossible to me. wouldn't it be more accurate to say therapists are \"postjudgemental\"? or \"tries as much as possible to bury their judgment\"?", "answer": "the worry that a therapist will judge someone always surprises me . i'm sure it can happen , but in my opinion,  is low on the list of potential problems.   first,  remember that psychologists are specifically trained to look at problems differently than non trained people,  which means a completely different lens.  judging is not part of the job.  next,  remember that a psychologist trained in your specific problem has heard it all before. it has been a long time since anyone has shocked me . the thing you fear judgment over , that brings you a sense of shame,  is going to be experienced very differently by a person who has dealt with it many times before.   i definitely feel stuck when patients lie to me,  but i don't judge them for it , i just can't help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hguvg7", "comment_id": "hguvg7"}]