[{"question": "Do i have a mental illness/illnesses?", "description": "Hello ,im very concerned about my mental health.I am weak, a better looking (by some peoples opinon) geek,im not sporty.My life has involved lots of ups and downs. i have top grades, but those are the cause of all my problems, i am double faced.Often in public happy and humerous. but outside the public i am only a shard of a human being. I often at home have attacks when im mad i dont like scream i just land on my knees start crying and if ive done something wrong i start hitting myself on the side of my head. I am also a avid stalker i currently stalk 2 girls relatively my age, i also steal sometimes. If im unhappy with a situation due to people making me feel and treat me like scum i just want to e.g the classroom and say \"enough is enough\" go to the roof and jump off hopefully falling to my death (why does suicide have to be a sin?).I am overhauled with stress,i dont have time on my hands, my father all of a sudden puts in strict rules,i cant remember the last time my mother said that i did something good and shes a perfectionist so anything under perfect isnt worth it.I am unstable,have short memory,contemplate suicide and  i feel that everytime something good happens to me 20 other things make the world kick me between the legs. i dont know/very skeptic about talking to people (although i do it anyway) and fitting in.and one problem manifests with other problems which make a bigger problem , i am afraid of being left alone and of denial. To say the least i am a ticking time bomb...", "answer": "Go see your doctor. It sounds like you may have a mood disorder\u2014impossible for an internet stranger to diagnose\u2014which can be alleviated by (most likely) a mix of medication and talk therapy. \n\nUsually I shout \u201ctherapy\u201d first, but you\u2019re in a bad way and I\u2019d want to be sure you get checked by someone who can prescribe first and foremost, and then ASAP get with a counselor or therapist who specializes in depression/anxiety. \n\nWhen you read those diagnoses, please know that, while we tend to talk about them as if they\u2019re run-of-the-mill, for those who suffer as you do they can be life threatening in their totality and severity for the sufferer. \n\nThe good news is that for most people\u2014with the right combo of meds and therapy\u2014they are highly treatable and you do not have to feel this way forever. \n\nGet help! It\u2019s there for you. The hard part is reaching out, particularly when you have anxiety related to people. Please know it\u2019s worth it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "77vx46", "comment_id": "dop46bo"}, {"question": "I\u2019m alive for only one reason", "description": "I want to kill myself so badly, I\u2019m just holding on to the hope that maybe one day, I\u2019ll find someone that I can say \u201cI love you\u201d to and mean it. And have them mean it to.  If that glimmer of hope flickers out, I\u2019ll be dead. ", "answer": "Hold on to hope. It\u2019s possible. Get help. If you\u2019re thinking about killing your self right now go to the hospital or call 911. Call the national suicide hotline 8002738255. Text 741.741 for crisis texting. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7avmeu", "comment_id": "dpd9ij4"}, {"question": "Abusive relationship?", "description": "Hi,\n\nMy wife [40/f] and I [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.\n\nI think I have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. A few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while I was driving over a trivial argument. This weekend, again while I was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.\n\nI am not sure what to do, and I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "She's totally abusive. If you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. Or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "dnk37y4"}, {"question": "Am I (20 M) a bad son for not being mentally and physically healthy for college?", "description": "Since HS I've been very depressed/recluse and an addict due to a bad relationship and bad choices, also some bad memories from childhood. I can work jobs fine. Due to my lack of health mentally and physically I had to withdrawal from college a few months back, I feel like a totally different and negative person from two years ago. I was so addicted and depressed that I told my parents I'd get help but kept doing the same things.\n\nFast forward to two weeks ago. Again I've applied for college and I'm working but then as soon as I realize college is soon I have a panic attack at night and had to go to the hospital for passing out.  So I have to withdrawal again from college, this time I'm actually taking steps to get better but my parents don't believe me. Keep in mind I'm currently making an income, but my parents are flipping their shit about me not going even after showing them my appointments for the doctor and stopping all drug use. They think I'll do the same thing again, but I haven't lost any money from withdrawing from college. I really want to go but I'm so mentally/physically messed up that I literally feel nothing and have 0 order, so  I feel that I need to make a recovery before going. I know I did mess up with college but I have to not feel this way and be capable of focusing/learning like I did before in HS so I can get good grades and be able to maintain a job while going.\n\nTL;DR: My parents are shaming me for not going to college and saying that I'll never go, but I'm only 20 and its only a 2-year degree. Am I a bad son for getting help and not going to college so I can get good grades and have a clear mind? Or should I go, feel like shit and maybe get ok grades and possibly drop out?", "answer": "You're not a bad son or a bad person.  You've just done some things your parents and you probably wish you hadn't, like everyone else who's ever lived.  Nobody's perfect.  Don't forget that.  The only real failure would be if you stopped trying to achieve the things you want to achieve.  \n\n\nAlso, don't forget that actions speak louder than words.  It can take years to build trust and one bad decision to lose it all.  It could likely take a few years of you being sober, healthy, self-sufficient, etc. before they begin to trust you or give you any credit.  Always remember that the world doesn't owe you anything.  You've got to earn love, respect, and everything else you want.  \n\n\nTo reiterate once more, in spite of all of this, your mistakes do not make you a \"bad person\" or a \"bad son\".  They simply make you a person who has made mistakes.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ae835m", "comment_id": "ednvdcr"}, {"question": "I feel like all my emotions and feelings are meaningless", "description": "I can't even explain it I just feel like what I feel doesn't really matter. What i fear is irrelevant. And that sooner or later everyone will go. I cannot rely on anyone but myself. My parents are dysfunctional enabler/malignant narcissist. My family is nuts (not an exaggeration see my post history). I ride on my boyfriend's coattails. I have no friends anymore. I don't even know how to make friends. If my SO broke up with me I'd be alone and sometimes I don't get why he's with me when he could be with someone more like him who suits him better and can make him happier.\n\nWhy does it even matter.", "answer": "They aren't meaningless but they could be the result of you looking through a negative lens. It can distort how you feel. One of the tenants of dbt is opposite action, doing the opposite of what you feel in that moment. The idea being our initial feelings and thoughts are irrational and will need to catch up to our actions. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6l4u2h", "comment_id": "djrbtys"}, {"question": "Mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "Hi MDs.\n\nI'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. I have issues with high BP (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. Adrenal gland CT, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. Recently I've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. I still work out and I don't have any more issues breathing than normal. But sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and I'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. Any ideas?\n\nEdit: I don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. I am on an anticonvulsant (Lamictal/Lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. Also, yes, I know my BP is wild. It varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "If medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "fht0r3e"}, {"question": "Anyway to calm an extremely overactive ADHD brain?", "description": "It really makes it difficult to sleep. So many exciting thoughts floating through my mind.", "answer": "You might find a weighted blanket helpful and deep breathing before bed. Maybe listen to a guided meditation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "acoyf6", "comment_id": "ed9t68s"}, {"question": "How to put yourself out there?", "description": "I've had anxiety for 6 years. It's not so terrible I can't leave the house or anything, but I struggle with things like ordering etc. I've met a fair few people through my best friend, and I want to get to know them better, but it's so fucking hard to just talk and introduce myself like a normal person. I'm so shy and quiet and I hate it. Any tips?", "answer": "When it comes to initiating conversations, ordering food over the telephone or anything similar, a helpful suggestion is to make a script for yourself.  Write it down if you need to.  Practice it a few times.  Then start using it.  The more you do it, the more confident you'll feel and will either have the script internalized or will be confident enough to deviate from it.  \n\nex.  \"Hi, I'm calling to place an order for __________, and that'll be for pickup/delivery.  I can pay cash/I have a credit number for you.\"\n\nex.  \"Hey, good seeing you again.  What have you been up to lately?\"\n\nKeep it simple.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "72zhs2", "comment_id": "dnmv17c"}, {"question": "What are the consequences of being involuntarily hospitalized?", "description": "I recently lost my therapist, who was giving me a discount. Now I can't afford the co-pay anymore. She was the only person I've spoken with at length for the last three years or so. I don't have any friends, and my coworkers avoid me.\n\nSince then my depression has gotten exponentially worse, and I have a growing tendency to nurture really dark and destructive thoughts whenever I get shunned at work or I'm spending a weekend night at home by myself (I go out, it just never comes to anything). I've been drinking more too, even though my medications are supposed to be so hard on my liver that it's really not a good idea to drink at all. It's just that I don't care.\n\nTL;DR It's not out of the question that I might be forced to go into a hospital soon. What is the professional and financial impact? Does it make getting another job harder? Will you have certain rights taken away because of your medical history?", "answer": "If you're in the USA, there is no reason or way for your employer (present or future) to know about any of your hospitalizations without your written approval.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rvkqy", "comment_id": "cdrehp9"}, {"question": "I want a friend like me, is that so wrong?", "description": "People say no they wouldn\u2019t want to deal with themselves and that they would hate being around them. Why?", "answer": "It's good to have a diverse friend group.  \n\n\nI'm really lucky in that I now as an adult have a very large group of friends.  Other than my wife who is legitimately my best friend (not just in the corny you have to say that kind of way), I have 3 best guy friends.  \n\n\n1 is from childhood.  We grew up with each other from the time we were about 5.  We have a great shared history together and a lot of similar interests (we played hockey together, love sports, love the same video games and nerd stuff) but we're not very much alike personality wise at all.\n\n1 is my old college roommate.  We lived together all 4 years of college and 3 years afterwards when we moved to Philadelphia.  We have a ton of shared interests more on the in-depth nerdier and obscure side of things (fantasy, sci-fi, art, anime, music (specifically hard-core and more avante-garde type stuff), micro-brews, etc.  We couldn't be more different people personality wise.\n\n\nMy last best friend is another friend of mine from college.  We don't have some shared interests as is necessary in any friendship, but not the depth of the others.  We get along so well and can get into plenty of heated debates and arguments because personality wise, we are the SAME person.  Even taking the Meyers-Briggs, we get the exact same result (ENTP).  I absolutely love this friend to death because we understand each other without having to spell everything out.  I think this is a very important aspect of our friendship. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8uql4m", "comment_id": "e1hy7lo"}, {"question": "I think my psychiatrist is withholding diagnoses. Do I have a legal right to know?", "description": "I live in Ontario, Canada.\n\nI was seeing a therapist for a while who said she thought I had schizophrenia. Since she isn't qualified to diagnose (and I've got a bunch of other shit that needs actual treatment), she referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw him once. He asked me if I thought I had OCD, to which I said no. He didn't say anything about schizophrenia.\n\nI met with my GP a bit later and she told me she had spoken with him and under his advice, prescribed me Seroquel, which is primarily used to treat bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which I've been diagnosed with.\n\nI also saw when my GP was looking through his notes on her computer that he wrote \"...probably because of the PTSD.\" He never said anything about PTSD to me either. \n\nDo I have a legal right to know if I've been diagnosed with something? I asked my GP to see that document and she told me I'd need consent from the psychiatrist because it's his private documents, but that doesn't feel right because it's something that was written about me.", "answer": "I can't speak on the legalities of your psychiatrist sharing your diagnoses with you, as I'm in the US.  \n\nSeroquel is also used to treat depression.  Even if it wasn't, a lot of medications are prescribed for conditions that may not be listed (off-label usage).  \n\nAs an aside, you should feel comfortable enough with your psychiatrist to engage in a discussion about your diagnoses.  Knowing what you're diagnosed with can be validating for some people, as it gives a name to what you're experiencing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e38hm8", "comment_id": "f91pup4"}, {"question": "After a year on meds, I finally increased my dose and I'm scared :( what happens from now on?", "description": "So after a year on 10mg adderall IR 5 times daily (50mg total), I've switched to 15mg IR 4 times daily (60mg).\n\nI was really really obsessively afraid of this happening. Adderall made a black and white difference in my life. It turned an extremely depressed and non competent me into the go getting extroverted person I've always wanted to be. \n\nI'm really scared. I don't want this to be a reoccurring thing :(. My doctor has said he goes up to 80mg daily, which is somewhat comforting, but what happens when I reach that and I need to go up more? It feels like a ticking time bomb with a minuscule fuse.\n\n​\n\nI've read that some people find the right dosage and stay on it forever, and that's also what my doctor told me, but I'm worried that I wont be one of those people. I thought my dose right now was perfect, until it started slowly dropping off about 3-4 months ago.\n\nI'm so damn envious of neurotypicals :/", "answer": "Try to stop thinking. Hard with ADHD I know. It's black and white, it's helping. Don't over think it. When it stops or you reach 80mg worry then. \n\nThere are options, maybe ask your doctor what he does when 80mg is no longer effective, he'll tell you their are options and may put your mind at ease. Until then, don't think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22fax", "comment_id": "eiq3258"}, {"question": "Starting to think grad school isn't worth it.", "description": "Classes started on the 8th and I'm already  stressed to the max. The program I am taking starts at 16 credit hours. I thought working part time would make this a possibility. I've been crying daily  I'm constantly studying, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I'm isolated, lonely, and my depression is growing. I go from eating all day to feeling too nauseated to eat. My night terrors are beginning to resurface. \n\nI'm meeting with my advisor this week hopefully to either drop a few classes or drop them all. I guess I just need to vent and hear that I'm not a giant stupid loser who failed at life. I just want to go back to being happy. Any stories from people who dropped out?\n\nSorry if this is the wrong sub to post. With my anxiety and stress right now all I can think about is my mental health.", "answer": "Are you able to go part time? Some programs have a window of time that you need to complete you classes in order to graduate. I myself am going to grad school full time, working ~ 30 hours/week, and am about to start my practicum 8hrs a week. Next year I'll move to internship at 20 hrs a week. It's busy and stressful as all can believe. I've been warned I will be burned out and some suggest I should go to a 3rd year, but I am determined to graduate with my friends.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7qqw9b", "comment_id": "dsrgpvv"}, {"question": "[20/F] Is it impossible to ask a guy to wait for sex?", "description": "I broke up with my ex boyfriend last year because after 4 months of dating I wasn't ready to lose my virginity. He was my first kiss, and going from kissing to full on sex was just a lot to handle. There were other factors in the break-up. I knew he wasn't over his ex from 3 years ago (yes, he pined over a girl he broke up with when he was 15/16). He also had anger issues and started pushing my boundaries. I had enough when he literally took his pants off in a parking lot in broad daylight and coerced me in to giving him a handjob knowing that was the first time I had ever seen a penis.\n\nIt just sucked. I broke up with him because the intimacy felt forced. Now I'm 20, almost 21 and haven't met anyone I'd want to date. I'm just worried when I start dating someone else I might not feel ready to have sex right away, especially because only one guy has seen me naked and that was a year ago. Will guys in there 20's wait a few months until I am comfortable? Or should I just give up on dating...?", "answer": "Don't worry what the boys think. They are filled to the brim with testosterone, which rules them. You be you...be comfortable...always......go as slow as you need to....never feel pressured.....If they can't hack it they're the wrong guy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kdd5b", "comment_id": "djlabwi"}, {"question": "My boyfriend doesn't treat me right but I'm in love with him?", "description": "We've been together for about a year now. The beginning was picture perfect for me and I couldn't complain about a single thing. While dating him, a lot happened in his life that was stressful for him. I ended up figuring out he cheated on me. I had already gone to therapy, and talked to my therapist to help me. I decided I was ready to move on and felt like he was genuinely sorry for a one time mistake. His true colors started to show as time went on (even before the cheating). He became controlling, and if I wasn't responding he would blow up my phone a million times. With us, we had highs and lows. But the highs were amazing... I know we're deeply in love and I've never connected with someone like him. But I don't know why he does these things to me. He got kicked out of his house lately and is living with me. I was okay helping him but he stole money from me too and wouldn't even admit it was him until I had filed a police report. Everyone acts like it's easy to leave, but I'm so dedicated and thought he was my soulmate. The only reason I'm saying all of this is because everyone else is telling me to leave him.", "answer": "if you love someone who isn't treating you right than the word 'love' has lost its meaning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pq58g", "comment_id": "dcszz7s"}, {"question": "The window between 6pm and 9pm.", "description": "Do you guys find yourself going through your 'mental arguments' between 6pm and 9pm the most? I can go all day without thinking about it but when 6pm comes around... Oh a drink that inevitably turns into 8 would be nice.\n\nI also found if I can will myself to hold out until 9pm or so, I'm in the clear.\n\n38 more min left. ", "answer": "Oh yes..... It gets easier. I have 3 young kids, and often felt so exhausted/fed up after getting them settled that a drink seemed like the only solution.\n\n I'm now working on building a nice routine for this time....books, food, netflix. It takes more effort but it helps. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9esncr", "comment_id": "e5ry31q"}, {"question": "Puked up ssri before it was digested. Should I dose again?", "description": "Female, 20, 100 lbs, white. I took my usual vitamins (female multivitamin and 45 mg slow release iron) + antidepressant (10 mg generic prozac) this morning, and quickly started feeling nauseous (i suspect because my stomach wasn't full enough for the vitamin). I saw the ssri capsule in the puke, only partially dissolved. My question is, should I take another dose? I don't know if it's relevant, but I also take 30 mg vyvanse on weekdays (I skip weekends)", "answer": "10 mg is a low enough dose that there's no risk to taking a full double dose. Prozac also has such a long half\\-life that skipping one dose has little effect. You could go either way here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mi2io", "comment_id": "dznvkfz"}, {"question": "I feel like giving up", "description": "I can't take this any more. I feel like my brain is trying to find whatever bothers me a great amount and repeat it through my head the whole day until I find something that bothers me more. The only thing 20mg Prozac seems to be doing anymore is giving me constant Tinnitus, and this is the point where it's supposed to really start kicking in. I'm scared to do anything I like out of the fear of me associating it with something I hate. I'm constantly questioning everything that I've ever known. I can't even sleep. My life feels absolutely ruined and destroyed.", "answer": "Prozac isn't always the best choice for anxiety, so it may not be a fit for you. Don't give up. I took some meds that didn't help, and eventually found one that did. I know how torturous incessant OCD can be.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "46gu8s", "comment_id": "d051vfg"}, {"question": "[25/F] Gay friend [19/M] shows interest in me, BF [19/M] of 1yr+ doesn't know how to feel", "description": "**EDIT:** [update post](https://redd.it/6c4pdx)\n\nI have been living with my boyfriend L for over a year now; we're engaged and plan to marry in the not-too-distant future. We have a gay friend, E, who lives a few hours away, so we communicate mostly online. When we do meet up IRL, it always ends up with the three of us (or two if one is not present) cuddling platonicly.\n\nWe have known E for almost a year; I met him at a camp for LGBT youth that I was attending (but my boyfriend L wasn't). I sent L pics of me cuddling with E, and L got (understandably, but surprisingly) jealous until I told him E was gay and thus not interested in me.\n\nEver since first meeting him, I have had a crush on E, but I didn't expect anything to happen for obvious sexual incompatibility reasons. L has known about this crush from the start. I also ship E with L, since I think they would make a super cute gay couple; they both know I ship them.\n\nYesterday, E messaged me that he's probably more pansexual than exclusively gay, and that he has a crush on me. He also said he's interested in having sex with me. I immediately had L read the conversation.\n\nI'm not averse to the idea. The problem is that I'm asexual, which makes it harder for my boyfriend to understand what's going on. I'm actually demisexual, which for me means that I need a strong emotional connection with someone before sex becomes an option. In any case, I don't have sex for my own sake, since I have zero sex drive. Sex is something I do because the person I'm with likes it.\n\nAny advice on how to handle this situation, and how to help my boyfriend not panic?", "answer": "It will help everyone in this weird triangle if you stop labeling yourselves and start talking about what you want. \n\nGay pansexual dude is not a gay pansexual dude, he's a guy who wants to have sex with you. \n\nYou are not a demisexual asexual, you are considering having sex with someone who is not your (presumably exclusive monogamous) fianc\u00e9. \n\nTHAT situation is very straightforward. You can fuck the dude or not, ruin your relationship with fianc\u00e9 or not. Your choice. \n\nTo help your fianc\u00e9 not panic: tell him you won't be fucking other dude, then don't fuck the other dude. Then stop telling your fianc\u00e9 your sexual fantasies about the other dude. \n\nEdit: oh yeah, save the \"platonic\" cuddling nonsense for people you're not actively fantasizing about. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bh6fb", "comment_id": "dhmj2zz"}, {"question": "I relapsed (x-post from r/stopdrinking)", "description": "**i figured i should post this here cuz i post here too**\n\nI woke up this morning at 4:30 am still drunk from the night before. I was still tired, still wanted to go to sleep. But I was afraid that if I were to go back to sleep that I would most certainly die by choking on my own vomit if I were to do so. Over the course of the night, i had drank way more than i had drank in my life, yes even as an active alcoholic i never drank as much as i drank in one night as i did last night. I think i drank enough to kill a small human.\n\nI woke up with a vague recollection of some things, that i had to piece together by asking other people and txt message logs and shit like that. I was quite seriously out of it. I had only ever blacked out or browned out once in my life (tho, if it was more, would i really know?). I drunk texted someone who is like a co-sponsor, the person who got me to even think about quitting drinking. And he's quite pissed (i'm always worried that he's pissed but this time i know it's serious). I've pissed off a quite understanding Pastor friend of mine, who is in the program and is not the kind of person who gets angry (he's a lutheran pastor and they are seriously just happy that someone asks for help).\n\nWhy did I drink? Well, It started with a panic attack on wednesday night, i awoke at 3am with an intense pressure in my body, the same pressure i've had before when having panic attacks and didn't want to go to the ER at 3am. So i took what was handy which were some percocets that i got from my MIL. Yes, i know, i need to stop taking pills from her. I'm working on that. So I took some and went back to sleep cuz they mellowed me out. Then went about my day, things went great, i did some big things with church and stuff was very happy felt the best i had in a while, was so happy to have turned a corner. Later that day, i was sitting at home and decided to for no reason in particular to take a handful of percocet. woke up sick, took a few more, went about my day. woke up sick, went to therapy, felt like a dick for using, told 1 friend.\n\nThat one friend said i need to come clean. Asked around the webchat on sunday, was told i need to come clean about relapsing. Didn't want to have to go in and say, I FUCKED UP. Especially since, someone in a meeting (my former sponsor) told me I was going to relapse because I wasn't doing it for myself so it was going to happen. This was in response to me saying that, I didn't want to drink but was afraid I was going to relapse. I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they're right. I didn't. So upon stress due to the pressure of having to be truthful, I drank. And I drank more than ever before because I couldn't deal with all the AA and shit that i've got going on in my head. It took a lot to get me past that feeling of guilt and shame.\n\nBut now i know, this shit will fucking kill me if i don't get it together. I can't drink like i did before going to meetings, because the first place i go is guilt. And it'll just be harder and harder because i'm driving away the people that want to help.", "answer": "I don't know if you work the steps, if not disregard.\n\nFrom what I understand of the BB, it tells me that a relapse, short of someone pouring a drink down my throat, is always precipitated by inaction on my part. From my experience and the collective experiences of many I know, if I do the things laid out in the twelve steps, and I do them to the best of my ability, then I won't drink. I'm not saying that I'll be insured happiness, freedom from panic attacks, and immunity to the opinions of others, but I won't have to drink. See from my perspective, a panic attack and fear of others didn't MAKE you drink. An obsession beyond your control made a drink the only option. The thing is, that obsession is there in part due to inaction on your part in diligently working the twelve steps.\n\nThis sounds condemning and judgmental, I'm sorry if it offends you. I don't know every circumstance in your life nor your work in AA, but the understandings and beliefs I have of the twelve steps make this a cut and dry case for me. It is however just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt depending upon how sobriety looks for you. Just thought I'd offer my perspective.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20ohsr", "comment_id": "cg5ts9w"}, {"question": "I [36/m] feel terrible with my situation with my gf[37/f] and ex[27/f].", "description": "I have been with my current gf for almost 6 months. We have broke up twice in that time because I had and still have feelings for my ex. Each time we broke up nothing came from the contact I had with my ex. My current gf loves me and I think I love her, but the relationship just feels like a safe choice in my life. We get along, don't fight, I believe she truly does love me. So naturally I feel like a complete dick because deep down inside I still want my ex back. My ex recently contacted me, and more or less hinted at the idea of trying again, but I told her I was seeing someone and I didn't want to go thru all of it again where I make myself available again and she disappears (which happened both times). I told the ex I rather just try and be friends. But I feel myself being pulled in the direction of messing things up all over again, and I don't want to do that to my gf again. But I also know that if I feel this way I shouldn't be with her in the first place.. Yeah I'm probably just afraid to be alone which makes me shitty for even being with the gf, but I want to be done dating. I want to find that person I can spend my life with, and I just don't know if shes the one even though it would be easy to, I hate to say it but, settle. \n\ntl;dr  Ex wants me back now, again.. but I don't know if I should consider the option even though I am not fully satisfied with my current gf. Afraid to be alone, afraid to settle, and tired of hurting everyones feelings. ", "answer": "don't settle. if there's  a chance you and your ex can be 100% fantastic, then go back to her and get counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72tmx7", "comment_id": "dnl5q2x"}, {"question": "23yo girlfriend wants to go on a 2 week break to see if she misses me (22/M)", "description": "So last night my girlfriend said that she wanted to cut all contact for 2 weeks to see if she'd miss me or not. She reckons this will help our relationship as currently it seems to be that I'm the only one who is still interested. She keeps saying she 'doesn't know' if she wants to be together anymore. \n\nShe gets angry at me if I ask her any questions about how she's feeling and says that 'I'm pushing an answer on her'. \n\nWhat do I do? I don't want to be walked over and I certainly don't want to pour my heart out anymore if she isn't willing to do the same. \n\nWe've been together just under 6 months. \n\nThanks in advance! Could you please post if you're M or F too, so I can see if opinions differ. ", "answer": "no choice but to give space. recommend agreeing not to date others, and decide on amount of contact over next 2 weeks. if she waffles beyond that, and isn't totally into you,don't waste your time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxw2k", "comment_id": "ddxsm42"}, {"question": "i have a huge urge to cut everyone off. im so sick of everyone.", "description": "i thought me getting my diagnosis on paper would change something. i was really stupid to think that. of course it didnt. people still dont see me or hear me. they dont take my mental disorder seriously. so i have like 4 friends. one of them is actually so fucking good to me all the time and there for me but shes busy mostly and cant hang out much. the other 3 i have a problem with. the 2 of them are girls and we are like ~besties~ but we're not lol. i dont feel like theyre my best friends at all. one of them unloads shit on us and talks abt herself like all the time. when i talk abt my problems shes like oh lol that sucks ANYWays my life is harder lol. the second one is extremely passive and when i tell her my problems shes just like :))) ohh .... \nmy third friend has been my best friend since high school and he also dismisses my problems like lol dat sux. i feel so unloved in these friendships it makes me so mad. i wanna stop talking to them. i wanna tell them how horrible i feel in these friendships. but in the end it doesnt matter because they will never understand. what should i do ? please someone help i dont know what to do and i feel so horrible", "answer": "You gotta be responsible for your own problems  andnot rely on others to make it better. Talking it out is supposed to help because it gets it off your chest, and gives you someone to listen to you, that's usually it. What do you want them to do? What response would you like?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "h8opzc", "comment_id": "fuspqt1"}, {"question": "Do I need professional help or is this everyone's experience of New Jersey?", "description": "I am a 45 years old man who travels all over the country for work. This summer I've been working in NJ three days a week. Work for me is lots of driving a full sized van (8 hours or more per day), and working short 2nd shift (usually four or five hours). It's relatively high pressure so theres work related stress...not stress about my own abilities or self doubt, but there are a lot of moving parts that have to mesh. THAT stress is nothing new and it is manageable. \n\nI am far from perfect in every way, and I try not to hold people to standards that are too high, but I think there ought to be some minimum amount of common decency everyone shows. This is where my problem with New Jersey comes in.\n\nInteracting with people in NJ has me worried about my mental health. I try to drive carefully on the road no matter how I'm feeling inside...I don't drive around speeding in a rage. But inside, I absolutely HATE all the people around me. I see them as vile and cruel and despicable. After a few hours interacting with people on the Jersey Turnpike, all I see are selfish people doing terrible things. If I stop for a coffee or something, everyone looks like a selfish monster to me. And I KNOW it's in my head, but I cant help but focus on every selfish or inconsiderate thing I see, and boy there is plenty of it. I try podcasts and music to change my mood, but its a fleeting reprieve. I get so angry it gives me headaches. I cant eat more than a couple of bites of food per day and I barely sleep...but its only for three days a week so I persevere.\n\nWhen I return home to my family, I get back around 2 or 3 in the morning, way too wound up to sleep. When I wake up late morning, I clean the kitchen and even though I'm home how, I'm still not right. I'll be easily angered for the whole day, and I usually do something impulsive and stupid like throw away a sink full of dirty dishes instead of washing them. I try not to snap at my family but even when I'm quietly trying to mind my own business, playing on my phone, or what have you, my family actls like I'm a dog who's about to bite.\n\nIt may be worth noting that I've not had this reaction with California, Georgia, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas, Alabama, Maryland,  South Carolina, New York, Kentucky or West Virginia. The people in Pennsylvania have been the kindest and most considerate people I've met so far.", "answer": "It\u2019s not just the high cost of living that drives people out of Jersey. \n\nCan I ask what moved you there? \n\nIt sounds like you\u2019re taking the right steps to decompress, you\u2019re just never getting the full effects of it- am I reading that right? My personal view is that our stress tolerance is like a cup that keeps getting filled. We can only drink so fast, but situations may cause the flow to surge or trickle. When we are feeling great we can drink much better, but when we have mental situations going on, we are basically waterboarding ourselves. Sometimes we can put up a dam, like mobile phone games, to hold the stressors back, but when the game ends that water will still be there, plus the regular flow. Self-care is a great way to make your cup a little bigger (hold more water before overflowing) and it sounds like you\u2019re taking steps to try to do that. It\u2019s hard to improve a cup when it\u2019s already on the brink of overflow, though. \n\nWhen\u2019s the last time you escaped, gotten out of there on a laid-back vacation? I don\u2019t mean running around Disney World, but had time to yourself without worries and away from the roads. You sound like you might be due for some serious me-time. Doesn\u2019t have to be a big trip- depending where you are it could be just over the border in PA or NY or somewhere in south jersey for a while. Might be nice for the family to see you relax for a while, too.\n\nYou also do have a stressful line of work (especially in a land where people can\u2019t drive!). I I don\u2019t know enough about the industry do you know of any specifics but I did find a [resource](https://www.nonforceddispatch.com/importance-of-mental-health-fitness-in-truckers)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chrc1s", "comment_id": "euxwrt3"}, {"question": "Me (30) dating (23) asexual girl", "description": "Just met this girl, things have been going great until the first time we slept together.  She made no noise, no look on her face, I swear she looked bored.  She tells me that she's asexual, that she doesn't feel any pleasure in the act of lovemaking.\n\nI'm no Don Juan and don't think I'm the greatest in bed, but I've never had an experience like that.  It was the worst sexual experience I've ever had.  I derive pleasure in sex from pleasing my partner.  I wasn't enjoying myself and she had the same look as if I was folding clothes.  Hell we were both bored.\n\nHas anyone else had this issue before?  If so, how did you overcome it?", "answer": "There's no overcoming it unless she makes a concerted effort in therapy, which even then, might not be changeable. A relationship with her will be impossible. Just be friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6li4yh", "comment_id": "dju0h20"}, {"question": "Don't know where to find help", "description": "I went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. Things aren't the same for me anymore. Thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and I feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. I don't know who to talk or go to anymore. I don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility I have it... but Im also really scared that it is what I have. I also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. Basically I don't know what else do to do or where to go from but I feel like I cant carry on this way :(. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "When you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean?  Are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country?  \n  \nFeel free to private message me.  I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I can offer you some advice if you would like.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "cinqhw8"}, {"question": "Nobody cares about you unless you have something to offer.", "description": "Its all such bullshit. All the \"treatments\" for depression, the CBT all that bullshit. To be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. You have to be \"doing well\" as society sees it. \nAll the self love, deluding and fighting with your own thoughts isn't going to make you happy. \nThere is no such thing as unconditional love. Nobody is really \"there for you\". If your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you. \n\nWe dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .You have to be somebody people want to be around. Genuine, interesting and not needy. \nMy faith right now is in pharmaceuticals. As a person I am useless to society unless I can radically change my personality and induce happiness. \n\nAlso, I've noticed when Im happy Its because I've achieved some goal or im doing well. But when Im depressed its because im failing but it also makes me more aware of the suffering in the world. All I can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness. \n\nIts like to be happy you have to block out other people and the rest of the world. You cant have a good time and think about the suffering in the world at the same time. It all feels so ugly. People are only nice when they feel happy and they are only happy when they are keeping up with everyone else and everyone is scared of being alone and having nothing. ", "answer": ">To be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. You have to be \"doing well\" as society sees it.\n \nYou would be surprised how many people who are \"successful\" who are miserable. That is because what society tells us will make us happy isn't necessarily what makes us happy. \n\n>If your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you.\n\nTrue, a person would have to be a very good friend to help a depressed individual.  That doesn't mean they don't exist. \n\n>We dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .You have to be somebody people want to be around. Genuine, interesting and not needy.\n\nMost friendships are based on reciprocal needs being fulfilled, true. If one person is doing all of the taking, and giving nothing in return it will be difficult to maintain a friendship. Unless you are friends with a person who only wants someone they can give to. \n\n > All I can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness.\n\nThat's because people with depression have distorted thinking. I've felt extreme levels of hopelessness, and the feeling that the world is nothing but misery. That isn't a rational thought, however. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fi363", "comment_id": "ctp0uwr"}, {"question": "How do you feel about clients looking up your social media profile?", "description": "And how do you respond when they admit to it?", "answer": "I don't really care. Makes sense for them to know more about me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d6oz2a", "comment_id": "f0v112z"}, {"question": "Important question for everyone", "description": "Judging by my research, most of the posts of depressed people who complain about lack of social skills and being unemployed in their mid or late 20s have to do with their social isolation - after finishing university they sit at home hopelessly wasting their lives (good if they also read books and study something, bad if they only play video games and watch porn), then they come to the point that it's important to do something - they start posting on forums like this and for depressed people, seeing that life is not that bad after all and they can still change everything, earn good wages and build a family (if they want to) in the future provided that THEY HAVE A WISH TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES WITH SOMETHING HEALTHY LIKE WORKING (job).\n\nNow the whole point of the thread - question - how do these people start working if (also judging by my research) nobody hires you with bad social skills, nobody gives you a chance?\n\nBut on the contrary i see that people with bad social skills also manage to find jobs - even in sales - , plus there are a lot of professional degree requiring jobs for people with not-so-good social skills (just google jobs for introverts): all jobs in IT, economists, analysts, actuaries, engineers, scientists, etc.\n\nIf it's true then there's something wrong with my research, it means that people with bad social skills CAN also find jobs and that's the answer to my question, otherwise if they finished both school and university and got no more places to socialize and increase one's social skills except at work (where they can't get hired) then they failed in life and it's pretty much over for them.\n\n", "answer": "You're pretty spot on with most of what you're saying here.  Good job.  \n\n\nTo answer your question of \"How do these people start working if nobody hires you with bad social skills?\"\n\n\nWell you basically answered your own question.  There are plenty of jobs that are not dependent on having great social skills.  Basically any job that has more to do with creating something material, working on projects independently that don't require much social interaction.  With jobs like these employers are more interested in skills, knowledge, and experience.  While good social skills are always sought after, it's not a higher priority in some professions.\n\n\nOne more thing to keep in mind.  There is a very big difference between not having good social skills and having very bad social skills.  Someone lacking good social skills may be anxious in conversations and expressing themselves verbally, communicating effectively while working on team projects vs someone with bad social skills who are frequently insulting people or making racist/misogynistic/homophobic/etc. remarks or flying off the handle and yelling at bosses or colleagues.  Doing things that would reflect poorly on the company's image.  In most cases, you're not going to get hired if you show signs of poor social skills because it's not worth the risk to the company.  \n\n\nFortunately, I don't think the majority of the people fall into the extreme of poor social skills but rather the former of lacking good social skills.  Many people lacking social skills often have issues with social anxiety which  tricks them into thinking it'll be impossible for them to be hired.  That way they don't have to face their anxiety and go on interviews or deal with the anxiety working a job creates.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8plpec", "comment_id": "e0civme"}, {"question": "Day 40. When does it get better?", "description": "Maybe I'm just supposed to be a kid/person who smokes once a night. When I limit it to only at night a few hits I get more talkative and inquisitive. The problem was more when I had a lot of wax and hit the pen all day, or ripped tobacco plus weed in bongs. I'm thinking about going back to smoking. Feel like I should have seen better improvements without it. \n\nNow I just feel like a mute piece of shit tbh. Maybe the underlying problem is depression. But I'm trying to address that with medicine and therapy. Fuck.", "answer": "For me, it was hard to fully address my underlying mental health issues while using. My medications could not overcome the affects of all the THC in my system. I got to a point in therapy where the coping \"tools\" I was building for myself were about 80-90% complete, but it was like I just couldn't get that last part worked out until I was sober. \n\n\nWeed will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year. You can always go back to using later. I suggest trying to focus on just staying sober today. Cravings are like waves - if I can distract myself for 15 minutes it will most likely pass. If I am feeling really low and I just can't seem to kick it, it's okay to go to bed early. Tomorrow is another day,  and I will probably feel differently then.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4buyb2", "comment_id": "d1crrzc"}, {"question": "[29/F] My fiance [32/M] has an income that is 3x mine and says I don't contribute enough and I make excuses for not being more financially successful. I am offended. Am I overreacting?", "description": "My fiance worked hard to get a Bachelor's degree in Engineering and has a six-figure income (over 3x mine).  He also is obsessed with saving money, so he has impressive emergency funds for if things go badly and retirement funds.\n\nI have been dating him for 2.5 years and living with him for over one year.\n\nWhen I was younger, I decided to get a Bachelor's degree in Psychology because I enjoyed studying it.  Unlike his family, my parents did not talk to me about picking a degree where you were confident you could get a high-paying, stable job.  Now that I am struggling and making $35,000 a year, I am trying to turn my life around and go back to school for something more lucrative that also interests me.\n\nHe keeps telling me that my lack of financial success is mainly due to \"excuses\" I make.  These comments from him are unsolicited- and even if I sat around all day complaining about my situation, I still think they come across as rude.  He does not acknowledge the very different life circumstances we had. He also says I don't contribute enough in general, and someone like me with a Bachelor's degree and no kids should be doing better in life.\n\nAm I taking this too personally? I get the sense that he thinks I am not good enough for him.\n\ntl;dr  My fiance makes six figures, I don't, and he says I don't contribute enough and I make excuses for my situation.  Am I overreacting?", "answer": "Many couples have income disparities, and they are several ways to handle it. Of those ways, rude badgering is among the dumbest. It doesn't sound like your own spending is the main issue here (you're outspending what you make on your own needs and he's subsidizing that), although if that's a factor that is something you can control now. Assuming it's not that, there's probably no quick fix (oh, lemme go get my MD this weekend), and his comments solve nothing. \n\nIf you want to fix this, I'd advise getting to the bottom of what's really bothering him. Is it about what you can afford as a pair now, is he concerned for your future, or are you right that you're not good enough for him because of your salary (charming!).\n\nNo matter what: don't enter a marriage like this. I also like what the other guy said about the fork.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "50upr2", "comment_id": "d7768q6"}, {"question": "I am giving up on making my boyfriend understand me. I still love him, and don\u2019t want to lose him, but i just can\u2019t deal anymore with me telling I meant A, and he saying no you meant B. Is it the end of my relationship? Can I still try to make it work ?", "description": "He says things about my character that really offend me, I don\u2019t think I am that way, but he doesn\u2019t accept it. And keeps torturing me until I say \u201cyes, I am that and I agree with this kind of thing\u201d.\nI\u2019m done with this, and I am thinking about stop fighting for making him understand me and just agree with everything. Should i still care about what he thinks or just say fuck it ?", "answer": "Nothing feels worse than being told who we are, what we think or what we feel. \n\n\"can I still try to make it work?\" \n\nYour question stands out to me... the use of \"I\" instead of \"we\" gives me the impression you feel as though you are fighting for this relationship alone :(\n\nAlso, and super importantly. ... this is totally abusive of him and, as hard as it is right now- you are so worthy of more.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fhb62g", "comment_id": "fka1w0z"}, {"question": "My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I need advice on how to help her", "description": "My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I are struggling with it. Obviously it isn't about us and I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [Right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](https://imgur.com/a/EmVTxHF) When she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. Does anyone have any advice from your own experience? We don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. She\u2019s so lucky to have you. Just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does CBIT or HRT to address tics. \nhttp://tourette.org/media/Full-Provider-Tool-Kit-rev.pdf", "topic": "Tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "g4in5l9"}, {"question": "What is something you consider to be a relapse than most others do not? Or vice versa?", "description": "For example: if I\u2019m sick I\u2019ll take NyQuil which I know has alcohol in it. I would say most consider that using. I think some people get a bit too extreme (avoiding tomato vodka sauce, rum raisin ice cream, Listerine mouth wash, etc.) Just curious more than anything else. ", "answer": "If I were to start cutting again. Even once. Before treatment and for about the first six months the urge was strong and I refused to let myself slip. Sometimes I still get the urge, but to me it would be the same as drinking ", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7tkvv7", "comment_id": "dtdq26d"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "AASECT is the organization for sex therapists. You can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this.  If you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. If you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. If you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fk7zg0h"}, {"question": "A new Bio", "description": "So long over due. Alcohol has been my constant companion for 47 years. (Since 10 years old).  It has preoccupied every aspect of my life. My companion turned me in to a finely tuned,high functioning alcoholic. Good times, bad times, in a group or alone. It was always time for a drink. It was never time to stop. \n    My true companion, my wife has loved me and put up with my constant companion for 37 years. I've never been abusive in any way. We raised two sons that have turned into very good men.\n  I've been sober nearly 100 days now. Since my son and pregnant daughter in-law saw me black out and hit my head late one evening after a day  of vodka, then gin. (Told you I was a Finley tuned machine). The wife was out of town.\n  The new Bio:  I welcomed in to the world today, my first Grandchild. A beautiful baby girl. What an  incentive to stay my course. I want her mother to know that she will always be looked after at our house. I want my wife to know the other companion is gone. \n  I never want my baby girl to know a drunk Grandpa \n    I wrote this so I can look back and  remember this day. Thanks if you made it through the whole ramble. If it helps anyone, all the better\n    IWNDWYT ", "answer": "Great. What a gift a sober grand dad will be ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9eue23", "comment_id": "e5rxw9l"}, {"question": "After 16 years of crippling anxiety and depression, I finally sought help. I am shocked...", "description": "I am 30. I have been suffering from near debilitating depression/anxiety for more than half my life. I finally sought help. It took some work to find someone nearby that would accept my insurance and could get me in reasonably soon. I was so relieved. Maybe there was still some hope for a better future.\n\n\nWhen I finally saw the therapist, she said we should avoid medication. She taught me breathing exercises, told me to get active, and think positive. Are you fucking serious? I should just \"be happy\"? Do you know how many times I have heard that shit? I did not expect this from a therapist. I wanted REAL help. I am just baffled. I feel like the last flame of hope was just extinguished.", "answer": "Marsha Lenehan, the woman who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), said she borrowed techniques from Buddhism. It is one of the most research validated treatments available for mental illness.  Breathing techniques are not that stupid.  Hyperventilation occurs unconsciously due to hypersensitivity to stimuli and there occurs a cascade of physiological consequences to that hyperventilation.  Meditation, slows your breath and with practice a person can be trained to obtain a peaceful relaxed frame of mind.  Anxiety and depression are characterized by distressing thoughts and feelings.  Through mindful breath training you can actually change structures in your brain. Here is one research study:\nhttp://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006322316000792\nThere are many others.  The good news is improvements occur quickly and steadily.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6ievd0", "comment_id": "dj6fwcy"}, {"question": "How do i deal with the symptoms of invalidation fro. Childhood as an adult?", "description": "I was reading an article on psychology today about emotional invalidation and it describes me to a T\n\n*\"Some people deal with this by turning inward. They may have learned that it does not matter if they speak up or not, their needs will still not be met. They may become quiet and withdrawn.\u00a0\"*\n\n*\"Common Signs of Childhood Neglect in Adults:\n\nTrouble understanding emotions and mood\n\nTrouble trusting emotions and mood\n\nDiscounting your concerns as unimportant\n\nHopelessness\n\nFeeling as if something is missing\n\nLow esteem\n\nExistential fear\n\nProblems understanding the reality of a situation\n\nProblems judging intensity\n\nChronic\u00a0depression\n\nPerceived as cold or aloof\n\nAnxiety\u00a0involving emotional closeness\n\nAdults that suffered from childhood neglect may continue the cycle by currently neglecting themselves.\"*\n\nAny articles on how to begin the healing process", "answer": "I'm sorry to hear about your childhood experiences.  That's a long list of symptoms there.  If you can relate to most of them I'd say you have a whole lot on your plate.  Unfortunately, there's no 1 quick fix to these things or a specific book or article that I could point you towards.  You probably don't need to hear this, but I would recommend getting connected with a good therapist who's a good fit for you.  You can start exploring how all of these things started to come about and what you can do to overcome them.  \n\n\nSomething that isn't mentioned here that as a therapist I also see a lot for folks that were neglected substantially through childhood is feeling an intense need to get validation from others in their adult lives.  This causes all sorts of problems and can often be a barrier to therapy if/when the person has an instance when they don't feel validated by the therapist and it sends them running off.  \n\n\nEveryone wants validation.  There's nothing wrong or abnormal with that.  Needing it to the point where it's causing distress in your relationships and daily functioning if/when you don't get it is problematic.  My goal in working with clients like this is to help them learn how to validate themselves, accept themselves, and feel that they are a worthwhile person regardless of whether they get this from anyone else.  I hope your journey takes you to this place.  Best of luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bcde3w", "comment_id": "ekqic2m"}, {"question": "Meeting the girl for the first time tommorow... How to not act stupid and awkward?", "description": "So yesterday, i was bored and it was 2am. One girl posted her ask.fm link and because we both love the same music style (classic rock, fuck yeah) i started asking her questions about bands etc.\n\n\nWe were texting for the whole night, we ended up saying goodbye to eachother at 5am. I refused to text her on facebook, because i hate meeting people on this stupid site, i prefer meeting people, especially girls in real life, because i had a lot more success with them irl than on facebook.\n\n\nAnyway, looks like we'll go to the same concert this saturday and she said that I need to immediatly talk to her if i see her there. I'm still new at meeting girls since i never had self confidence but since hitting the gym, my mentality changed and so did my confidence. I'm looking for tips on how to approach to this girl without being goofy and awkward at all. I'm also looking for more than friendship, so maybe any flirting tips? \n\n\nThanks.", "answer": "The best way to act stupid and awkward is to worry about acting stupid and awkward.   Relax, take a few deep breathes and remember.  The worst case scenario is that she doesn't like you.   That's about as bad as it gets.   It doesn't feel great, but it's not going to ruin your life.   \n\nAlso, no matter what happens you will learn something from this and it will help you in the future.   So even if it doesn't go great, the next time will be better.  \n\nSo just take it easy, focus on getting to know her and enjoy her company.   Oh and she's probably just as nervous as you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3gyn5c", "comment_id": "cu2sfvn"}, {"question": "Could it be MS without lesions?", "description": "Age: 25\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5\u20198\n\nWeight: 140 \n\nRace: Caucasian / Eastern European\n\nDuration of Complaint: 8/9 years \n\nLocation: Currently in the southeast US, but have lived in all parts of US over past four years.\n\nLocation of complaint: Muscles (back of calves is the absolute worst), Eyes, Neurological, Legs, hands, hair falling out,severe fatigue, severe tremor\n\nExisting medical issues: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Pernicious Anemia, Epilepsy, Lupus, Sj\u00f6grens, PTSD, MDD\n   \u2014--Past Medical Problems: Acute liver failure, Hepatitis C, Meningitis, Sepsis (2), Endocarditis, Hyperthyroidism \n\nCurrent Medications: Celebrex, Keppra, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Prozac, Klonopin, Flexeril,  valacyclovir, \n\n\nOkay so I have not yet seen my rheumy, but blood work confirmed the Lupus and RA. I have been diagnosed with MS but then another MRI showed no lesions so they said that was not it.  Another MRI showed lesions, but the doctor said they were from migraines (which I only get one every two years or so) and I\u2019m not sure how she could tell the difference. \nAnyway, I think the RA and Lupus don\u2019t cover all of my symptoms. I have a severe, permanent tremor in my hands. I have blurry vision, no night vision, faded vision, and eye pain in one eye - the same eye and have had this since I was 16 and it\u2019s gotten worse. No eye doctor seems to know what\u2019s going on. \nI have a horrible heat intolerance but also a horrible cold intolerance, although heat makes me flare up so much worse. \nMost days I cannot get out of bed. The days I can, I can hardly stand or walk and must use assistance. The back of my calves give me the absolute worst pain out of anywhere on my body. To the point I start hitting them with heavy objects because that feels better than the actual pain. It\u2019s a tight pain and no matter how much I massage it or sit in hot water they never get better. \nI\u2019m just not convinced it\u2019s just RA and Lupus. \n\nCan you have MS with no lesions? can lesions come and go? Is there really a way to tell what lesions are from? (Like from a migraine or MS?)\nMS and all of these autoimmune disorders are in both sides of my family as far back as you can go. \nI\u2019m only 25, I shouldn\u2019t feel like this or hurt like this. The Neurological effects are horrible and embarrassing. \nI\u2019ve been trying for so long for a doctor to take me seriously. This one reluctantly do extra bloodwork and was surprised when the RA factor and everything was positive. \nMy muscles seem to be atrophying. I can\u2019t wear bras or bathing suits because of the pressure the put on my neck and/or shoulders. \n\nI really don\u2019t know what to do anymore. This is no life for anyone, especially a 25 year old. I\u2019m in so much pain I think about just ending it all. \n\nCan a doctor answer my questions or give me advice? Because I\u2019m just at a loss here.", "answer": "The first question I have is just one of sorting out historical imaging. MS, or at least the common relapsing-remitting form of MS, classically occurs with lesions that appear and disappear (along with attacks that resolve). Migraines usually don't have any specific MRI findings, although there are some exceptions.\n\nIs all the imaging available to the same doctor? Changes over time or lack thereof are very helpful for neurologists to clarify the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmh22l", "comment_id": "ew2adz6"}, {"question": "Me (31m) gf(29f) of 6 .5 years are having issues and she has got alot of sexting from guys a long time ago and it gave me trust issues, please need advice!", "description": "\n\n\n I am having alot of issues with my girlfriend and life. We both do drugs but she mostly just does weed. Well I decided to quit recently and have been in withdrawal for about 21 days now and doing better. At my dad's she is at our home now. Little background, she got probably 4-5 calls within 2 years from random black men all wanting to mess around again ,what they say. She says it was a miss understanding and she never messed with any of them, well I believed her each time but it has made me not trust her and I started looking thru her stuff but never found anything. That was about 3 years ago. I've gotten alot better but everyone and a while I'll crack and snoop. I hate it and I did the other day... Remember my mind isn't in the best state now BC detoxing.well I got on her fb the other day and miss interpreted her wall, I'm never on fb deactivated but got on for some reason. Well I sent her fb txt so I wouldn't wake her, we live together but in separate rooms BC I snore loud. So I sent the txt all upset and and nasty about what I saw, which was. Nothing. Now she said she is done with me BC she said I could never do that to her again. Well it's been really hard BC I am trying to quit drugs and be better for us and everyone! Well she said she planed on moving out which I hope to stop. I'm at my dad's detoxing still past couple days. She dosent want me txting her she said today so I said OK. I'm about to start therapy next week BC I think she's not cheating or like to think. She's not a slut BC it took us a month to do it but recently she has put a code in her phone BC she said she dosent want me on it and she has told me she misses going out which she hasn't except with me. She got new gf and has started going out late at bars with them which worries me but I try and not to care but it's hard.im not sure what to do! What would you all do in my shoes?\n\nTL;DR: (31m me) (29f my gf) has got sexting in past and it's messed with my head and she's leaving me while I'm withdrawaling from drugs 20 days clean.", "answer": "good for you that you're 20 days clean. that's great news. everyone has a past; don't worry about it. stay sober and your life will improve. good luck. keep up the great work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dkgic", "comment_id": "di3feqj"}, {"question": "Does alcohol really effect antibiotics?", "description": "Sex: male\nAge: 30\nHeight and Weight: 6\u20191 195\nRace: White \n\nHad to take some antibiotics and went out drinking a bit later. Will they still work?", "answer": "Not enough information. Alcohol affects some antibiotics. Some antibiotics affect alcohol. Most have no effect either way.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aarq97", "comment_id": "ecuhdy1"}, {"question": "Yesterday I just walked out without any purpose", "description": "I had the idea to confront myself with my anxieties and just walked out without any purpose. I drove with the bus to our inner city here in L\u00fcnen, Germany, and asked random people for a cigarette (usuallly I don't smoke, it was just a test) as a confrontation therapy to overcome social fear. \n\nAnd I learnt that being denied (only two of 10 people I asked gave me a cigarette), that feeling of someone telling you 'no' is not a great feeling, yes, it is negative but it did not kill me. I registered it as a negative feeling that came and went away after a while. Like all feelings.\n\nNow I have less anxiety talking to strangers or asking something because being denied is not that crucial as I always thought it would be. \n\nWhat I want to tell you: just try to do the things you are afraid of! It will be uncomfortable but you will feel a feeling of success that is great!\n\n​\n\nHave a nice day.", "answer": "Great task to give yourself.  It definitely helps with fear of rejection because a lot of people no matter how friendly they might be, won't give out cigarettes.  I hate when people ask me.  \n\nMay I offer a suggestion for helping with socialization?  Do the same thing, but don't ask for cigarettes.  Have them and ask people that are smoking and standing around for a light saying you lost your lighter.  If they're just hanging out, outside of a bar, or in a park, or whatever, spark up a conversation while you smoke.  Folks will be much more likely to give you a light and engage you in conversation than if you ask for a cigarette.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9kp9sn", "comment_id": "e710h7c"}, {"question": "What specialist are the most trusted in diagnosing dyslexia and/or ADHD? Please help...currently a surgery resident with no residency.", "description": "So I am a resident physician.... I have gotten this far with really really hard work. Every program I have been in has not offered me a permanent position even though my clinical work has been labeled excellent, especially in critical care and thoracic surgery, due to the fact that my colleagues score better than I on our yearly board exams. My father has severe dyslexia and my sister as well. And now, at 32, after heavy self reflection, I have noticed I have signs and symptoms c/w moderate dyslexia and ADHD.\nPlease help.\n", "answer": "This is very much in a neuropsychologist's wheelhouse. I'm surprised no one has mentioned it. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "3a8f87", "comment_id": "csavfz0"}, {"question": "Medical professionals who dont even think this is a real disorder.", "description": "I feel like a heap of the doctors I go to don't even believe it is a disorder. \nIts really hard trying to grasp a diagnosis which sums you up in one sentence when a heap of our would just thinks its one big excuse. \n", "answer": "It's not just Drs. Many really great therapists don't think it's a good diagnosis for other reasons. BPD is largely about inconvenience to other people and impact to resources. Women get the DX at a two to three times the rate of men, get described as malingering at a higher rate and get disbelieved at a much higher rate. People with a BPD Dx usually score high on the ACEs survey and it has a massive co-occurrence rate with childhood sexual assault and Invalidation.  BPD isn't seen as legitimate often because all of the issues that create and make up BPD aren't seen as legitimate.  If I'm talking with someone who has a history of Invalidation, lack of safety and emotional insecurity, shouldn't I expect there to be a big chance that they'd have a bunch of the sys of BPD? To me it's not a great diagnosis because it describes how someone has tried to deal with their problems, not what they are struggling against.  Clients with poor access to emergency mental health services or bad health insurance shouldn't get a DX of BPD at a higher rate. The diagnosis is often as much about how poorly the health system has served someone as it is about that someone. Sorry to rant but I get you and hate that this is as good as they say they can do for you because I know if we were all just a bit more compassionate to people, this wouldn't be so common and so destructive. \n\nImaging living in a tribe of 200 people, all of whom knew your name, valued you as a part of the group and believed you were great just by being you. How long do you think BPD lasts in that environment? Now who's fucked up? You or us? It's us. We're the ones letting you down, not you letting us down. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5yfb9c", "comment_id": "deprewd"}, {"question": "what's the best way to die peacefully", "description": " i am out of options, people around me can't help and our suicide prevention is shit. everytime i try they just keep pestering me  \n ", "answer": "The best way to die peacefully is to grow old, live a happy life and die in your sleep of natural causes.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b0kziu", "comment_id": "eif9ls5"}, {"question": "I just want it all to end.", "description": "I don't know what to say, I'm trying to avoid a wall of text because then I'll just ramble on about nonsense. I'm 17, overweight, ugly, used to be an honors student, then I don't know what happened. I barely have any friends outside of school, never kissed a girl, I find little to no enjoyment out of activities I loved, and everything about my life just sucks, is getting worse, and I'm tired of it.\n\nLately it feels like almost everyday I just think about being dead, what would it be like, would the pain go away, would anyone miss me, would anyone be happy I was gone...I want to die, I don't want to continue living, they say there's light at the end of the tunnel, but it feels like I walked right into a dead end in a cave. \n\nI keep asking my mom to take me to a psychiatrist, but she just plays it off, says I'm an ungrateful teenager, medication won't help you. I just want to die, I feel like one day I'm going to just throw myself in front of a bus, that way maybe people will think it was an accident.", "answer": "Hi, what about a school counselor? Would they take your feelings seriously? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28njh9", "comment_id": "ciclp5w"}, {"question": "Can an open relationship work?", "description": "If both parties are willing to explore other things / people....is it a good or bad thing in the long term. Does it stop cheating? Does it encourage jealousy? Is it a good or bad idea.....\n", "answer": "rarely. you have to be the kind of person that does not get emotionally attached one-one the way most of us in western culture do from day one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nmau4", "comment_id": "dkam51o"}, {"question": "I [21F] feel insecure around my [21M] boyfriend and I want to work on this.", "description": "I've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now.  He's everything I could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship.  \n\nHowever, I can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me.  I feel incredibly insecure about the way I look, my personality (ex. do I come off as clingy? I always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (I know I'm not dumb, but I can't help but feel that way).  I hate that I'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.\n\nI love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but I'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me.  I don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so I need to figure out how to fix this on my own.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "dgzf7n7"}, {"question": "Spouse is showing signs of schizophrenia. (x-post from r/schizophrenia)", "description": "I'm sorry if this post is a bit long winded, but I have no idea how to deal with this and have not confided in any of my family/friends as to what is going on.\nMy husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. During this this time he has always struggled with depression, anxiety and insomnia. The past couple of years have been better though, up until about 2 weeks ago. It started when our neighbors were being a bit loud, and my husband swore they were talking about him. I thought this was odd, but since one of them is an old friend of his who he had a falling out with I figured it might be true. Well this continued for a few days, even when no one was there. I didn't know what to think. Well that has quickly progressed to him being 100% convinced that our neighbors have cameras in our house and they are constantly talking to him, saying mean things to him, commenting on everything he does, saying he is being watched by the police and that if he doesn't do certain things (like smoke cigarettes outside) that they will arrest him. He spent hours going from the front porch to the back porch because they told him they were going to come out and talk to them and me so I wouldn't think he was crazy (I have never used that word with him). He thinks this is all completely real. When he leaves the house, he doesn't hear any voices at all. I ask him why he can hear them and I can't (he says the voices are not coming from his head) he says that it's because my hearing isn't very good (which is true to a point, but I'm not even remotely considered deaf or anything like that). He's not showing any anger or anything like that towards me, or saying anything about self harm (but I worry it will eventually progress to that), but he is very frustrated that I don't believe him. I don't want to act like what he is hearing is real, but I also don't want him to feel like he can't talk to me. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I made an appointment to see a therapist in about a week and a half, because I know I have to take care of myself during this and hopefully they can give me some advice. But until then what do I do? How do I react to what he says he is hearing? It's so frightening, I see the pain and fear and frustration he's going through right now. He believes it is so real that it makes me wonder if I'm not the one acting crazy for not believing him.\nI wonder if it runs in the family. When his mom was his age (34) she developed a very bad drinking problem, and ended up being diagnosed with dementia/schizophrenia from years of drinking. Now I wonder if that was the reason she started drinking and it just didn't get diagnosed until later.\nIf anyone can offer any advice or wisdom I would really appreciate it.", "answer": "If he'll cop to being stressed or upset or afraid, does he recognize any allies/sources of help beyond you?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "684bgu", "comment_id": "dgwe5pd"}, {"question": "Can I detox during birthcontrol?", "description": "Hello, I am a 16yo, female, im Latina, 1.55 meters tall and I weight 55kg. \nI don't take drugs or drink alcohol.\nI only take birthcontrol (Gynera) and sometimes I take a stomach protector in the morning.\nI have a very upset/sensitive stomach, sometimes it can't even take a cookie.\nI feel like I should detox my stomach and start a new and healthier diet.\nBut I know that for detoxification I will cleanse everything from my body, and there will go my birthcontrol intake. \nSo I thought that maybe during the 7 day break of my contraception I could do the cleanse? Or would it mess up with my birthcontrol anyway?\nAlso, if I do the cleanse and don't have intercourse during that pill package (21 days), will I be safe from pregnancy when I start the next package?", "answer": "\"Cleanses\" are fads that serve no medical purpose and, as far as we know, don't really do anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ghjdn6", "comment_id": "fq9zhwl"}, {"question": "Seeking answers", "description": "So lately I have been having major anxiety, further leading to what seems to be a panic attack. I have only had this happen a few times in the past few months. Looking for suggestions on how to handle it. They usually come out of nowhere. ", "answer": "Use medication but sparingly. Check medical possibilities. Fix your diet so your gut biome is healthy, start to cut out stress you can but only because you'll need the room for stresses you can't cut out like anxiety. Start to practice meditation and belly breathing. Carry ice cold water in a 24hr vacuum insulated bottle. Tell at least three people. Read about it but don't read anything that talks about \"cut out caffeine and reduce your stress\" they are talking about worry, not anxiety. Practice more belly expansion and other vaygal stimulating exercises. Try Chinese herbs like ashwagandha. Sleep enough. Always differentiate external from internal fear. Recheck medical possibilities. When panicking use your senses to pull you out, if you can't empirically validate the fear it's probably not external. Internal fear is anxiety and while very real, it's not going to harm you. Avoid the temptation to accommodate triggers. Cut out caffeine. Look into fecal transplants. Use the repulsion as motivation to do more of the other stuff. Check for hyperthyroidism again. Go to a counselor if you can't get somewhere in your own. Find a good book on it. \n\nFinally  after none of this has worked, Use Ketamine to reprogram your limbic system. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6hxcmk", "comment_id": "dj1x6su"}, {"question": "Can no longer climax during sex. [19/M] with [20/F] partner.", "description": "So this started a few days ago. I started seeing a new girl and the sex is absolutely amazing but I haven't finished any of the times we've slept together. This has never been a problem for me in the past and I'm genuinely worried/confused about what's going on. Just looking for some insight into what I should do to get my ability to finish back.", "answer": "are you taking meds, or drinking, or pot?\nif not, you're getting so nervous that you're losing focus. people often are not at their sexual best in a new situation. focus on the relationship...getting to know each other.  sometimes fooling around without intercourse can relax everybody.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzvm8", "comment_id": "dcv5nxy"}, {"question": "Other than a few beers, or LSD, is there an anti depression drug that isn't super terrible?", "description": "It's unfortunate that LSD is hard to get, and hard to verify if it's legit, because most people's only option is beer.\n\n\n", "answer": "Answer these questions for me.\n\n**What exactly is the problem?** \n\n*Not \"depression\", but what are you doing what behavior do you observe that leads you to be depressed? You will know it is specific enough when you can tell me that if I were a fly on the wall and watched you behave, I would know that you were \"depressed\"*\n\n**How is it a problem?**\n\n*Explain to me what your answer to the first question prevents you from doing? How exactly is it a problem?  What would you be doing if you didn't have that problem?*\n\n**What have you been trying to do to solve the problem?**\n\n*List every step you have taken to solve the problem, every solution you have tried.  If it has been telling yourself something, list that.  I would like to know everything you have done in your best efforts to solve your problem*\n\n**What is the smallest change you would accept that would let you know the problem was fixed?**", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "6sp55z", "comment_id": "dlfgvxi"}, {"question": "[21/m] First love with (21/f) need some advice.", "description": "I recently got a bit more serious with this nice girl I know for almost 3 months. \nI see her 2/3 times a week we make out and doing fun activities but I need a bit advice.\n\n* I always said good morning and goodnight to her via Whatsapp when we were dating, but it feels a bit repetitive to me now. How do I tell her this without hurting her feelings?\n\n* When is a relationship a relationship? Do you I need to ask her?\n\n* Do men always need to take a girl somewhere or do women also have this obligation?\n\nThanks", "answer": "it's ok to say good morning and goodnight. it's a relationship when you both decide it's monogamous with a sense of commitment. women should initiate also and share expenses.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64c6wp", "comment_id": "dg1785a"}, {"question": "Anxiety? Help me understand what's happening!", "description": "Okay so back in July I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety with depressive markers. I have been in therapy and prescribed Fluoxetine....\n\nSo here's the situation...\n\nMy husband and I have very different ideas about money. He will literally wear shoes until they fall from his feet... I will by shoes and wear them once. Tonight we got into it because I went shopping without clearing it with him. He says everything was unnecessary. I spent six hours picking out things for our bedroom. Money, although I love to spend it, is a trigger for me. So I tend to just spend it and look at the bill later. \n\nSo anyway, husband is upset because I'm buying things. Husband is upset because I'm up at 2 and crying because I am afraid he's going to leave me because I keep buying things. YET when I'm alone, I can't deal with being at home so I go out. Spend money. So on and so forth. \n\nSo here's where I am - we are laying in bed . He's all like do you want me to get fired? Do you want me to get sick? Then why are you doing this right now? \n\nMeanwhile I'm flirting with an anxiety attack because I know I have been shopping while he's at work and I'm petrified he's gonna leave me. That's when I started to think - maybe I'm more helpful to him if he has my life insurance, because I keep fucking things up. I don't know how to stop this cycle. If I am not spending money excessively . I eat excessively. I'm disgusting.\n\nI'm 10k in credit card debt and nearly 375 lbs. I just feel so helpless. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know why I am doing what I am. It's like I'm on autopilot. When we met I was 280- I'm 6'1 FYI-there's no way he still wants me like this. \n\nAny advice would be helpful because at this point it's nearly 3am I'm wide awake , upset, annoyed, and just lost.\n", "answer": "Where do you live? There's places that can give you objective financial advice (Citizens Advice Bureau, in the UK, for example).\n\nYour partner seems overly controlling, presumably due to the significant debt. Could there be other debts that he might also be worried about? Might be worthwhile trying to find out.\n\nYou might find better advice in other (advice/financial) subreddits.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kvkwo", "comment_id": "dbr221b"}, {"question": "Could I have repressed CSA?", "description": "I'm 20m and for a few years now, I've been wondering whether or not I faced some sexual trauma and can't remember. I have no concrete memories of anything happening but there are a handful of symptoms that I feel like suggest something:\n- I freak out about being touched around my naval and sometimes thighs, and when a girl goes for my crotch I instinctively recoil and have to make myself relax.\n- I'm a bit of a sexual pleaser; I don't really care about my own gratification and find myself kinda numb during anything.\n- I masturbate to orgasm at least twice a day, and started doing so specifically to combat feelings of emptiness.\n- When I was a kid, I used to have this weird idea that older women wanted me. Particularly if they were nice to me, I suspected attraction, and I don't know how this idea came to a 6 year old.\n- I acted out sexual acts with dolls most nights at around 7 years old.\n- A man kissed me on the neck against my will when I was 18 (it was a complicated situation) and I suddenly thought 'oh, this again' with no explanation.\n- I carry the sense that the only way to be loved is to make myself attractive and sexually available.\n- I cover up my body for fear of being exposed.\n\nNow my mother was sexually assaulted and told me at the age of nine, so I wonder if that just gave me a certain sexual paranoia or even a need to invent a similar trauma to connect with her, if that makes sense. Also, she was never great with boundaries - she drunkenly went to the toilet while I was in the bath, laughing as I told her to get out, for example, and once or twice described sexual fetishes to me. Maybe small incidents like that had some effect, I don't know.\n\nI'm leaning towards the idea that I wasn't assaulted, or that my mother's occasional inappropriateness and hearing about her assault mixed me up a little. But I still can't shake the nagging feeling that something happened, and I'm always trying to remember it. I'm starting to worry about giving myself false memories, and I feel like an absolute scumbag trying to convince myself I have a problem. But when I view my child self as a csa victim, it's as if things suddenly clicks into place.\n\nDo you believe in repressed memories? Is it possible I could give myself false memories by obsessing over this? Does anything I described sound like a real symptom?", "answer": "Sorry you're going through this.  For one thing, you said that feeling like a scumbag because you're trying to convince yourself you have a problem.  \n\n\nThat's a load of bullshit.  You're not trying to convince yourself you have a problem.  It's pretty obvious YOU DO have a problem.  \n\n\nAt this point, it's just a matter of where it's coming from.  It is possible to have some of the hypervigilance you described simply from hearing about your mother's abuse at such a young age, especially if she went into graphic detail at all.  \n\n\nThen again, when folks are sexually abused at a young age, it's extremely common for them to completely repress the memory.  While this doesn't always have to be the case, we see that when this happens it's common that the person doesn't have a good vivid memory of their childhood during ages they really should.  \n\n\nFor instance, Despite having some other more mild traumas throughout childhood, I'm fairly certain I was never sexually abused as a child (one can never be fully sure with repression and all).  I have pretty spot on vivid memories going back as early as 2-3 years old.  Now this is pretty young on average, but the majority of folks can recall at least a decent amount of detailed memories from about 4-5 and up.  \n\n\nMany folks I've worked with who have experienced a ton of trauma have either almost no or an extremely hazy recollection of much later ages (ie. can't remember any real details of anything before 10 years old).\n\n\nEdit:  Adding this last thing.  Best chance of figuring things out is to both talk to a therapist about it as well as talk to older folks who you trust who might have been aware if anything went on with you while you were young that you can't remember.  I wouldn't really recommend doing the last part without having a therapist on hand to process the experience.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fd9gtk", "comment_id": "fjhs0io"}, {"question": "Need Relationship Help", "description": "I have been diagnosed with BPD and I am running away every single potential person I meet. My trust issues are coming up every time I drink and I'm running them away. I need advice on how to approach new relationships. ", "answer": "I should also note that I am a graduate student as well as working and it's hard to already meet people (I'm in DC), additionally I've used the apps. Most recently I went down to NYE with friends and had been speaking to someone for a few weeks and he and his friends also came down (3 states away) and we all hung out, rung in the new year. On my way to the airport he told me that he was no longer interested and that \"I was looking for something more serious\" than him. This is the 4th time in a row someone has said this to me and I don't know what I'm doing by looking too serious. All I have done is respond when they reach out and make plans with them, so I'm at a loss and the constant rejecting is only making my abandonment issues more prevalent. I'm feeling unlovable. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "abzxz7", "comment_id": "ed4bh6g"}, {"question": "I [20F] have a crush on a friend [22F] but I love my partner [24F] of almost a year.", "description": "So I'm a junior in college; I met my girlfriend online. We flirted long distance for a few months before we started dating, and then we spent the summer together. She moved across the country to continue her degree at my school and now we're roommates as well as partners. \nShe's amazing. I can definitely see us having a long and happy future together. \nBut. \nI've started getting involved in the campus radio station. The other night I went to a meeting and met one of the student leaders who I'd heard of but never officially met.  We hit it off and I thought I'd gained a great friend. I'll admit I was the tiniest bit attracted to her but didn't flirt or anything. \nShortly after that things started getting weird. She invited me to her apartment housewarming party. She asked me to dinner and a movie. It was my girl who pointed out that she was flirting. I asked her about it and she admitted it. Then I let her know that I had a girlfriend and wasn't interested. \nEver since I met this other girl, I've been wondering what it would be like if I were single and able to explore the possibility of a relationship. It's not like I'm sexually attracted to her; I just think she's such a cool person. \nI'd never cheat on my partner, and she's said that if we were to break up she wouldn't come back. I really love her and couldn't imagine my life without her. She knows about my crush and insists it's normal. She's been working to fix some small issues in our relationship. But I'm worried it's not normal and it won't go away. No matter how hard I try I think about seeing where things might go with the other girl and feel so guilty. \nWhat should I do?\nTl;dr: I love my girlfriend of almost a year but have an intense crush on another girl that makes me wish I could explore it. I'd never cheat but don't want to break up. The other girl has no idea and keeps trying to get closer to both of us as a friend. ", "answer": "You're going to have crushes for the rest of your life. You're the only one who gets to decide what they mean and what to do about them, but I'll repeat: you're gonna have crushes for the rest of your life. No matter who you're with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70p07p", "comment_id": "dn4ua8l"}, {"question": "Plz plz Help. I think I might have brain tumor and it extremely affecting my mental health", "description": "17, male, 5'6, 120lbs, Indian. It all started when I noticed a bump on the back of my head(about a week ago). I have had  headache since. Went to the doctor twice, he told me everything was fine. Might seem stupid but he told me it was just my bone(the bump one my head). The headache never goes away. The thing that I am most worried about is pin and needles in my legs,feet, hands and arms for the past 24 hours. My other symptoms include nausea, stiffness in my legs. Plz help, it's really affecting my day to day life.", "answer": "Brain tumors can't be felt externally, so the bump on your head is irrelevant.\n\nChronic headache for a week that's stable is also unlikely to be a brain tumor, particularly as the first symptom. The other symptoms don't really add up to any particular problem, but it could be something, or the combination of physical symptoms and anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g3phof", "comment_id": "fnspjy2"}, {"question": "Why does every guy say the same thing to me? It makes me feel like I'm the problem.", "description": "I've had three relationships and two which I considered serious. With these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. One of these relationships ended two days ago and I'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. At first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"I really value your friendship.\" Is there any chance of getting back together? He's actually a great guy but this depresses me. \n\nTL;DR: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. I want to know if I can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "do1g28q"}, {"question": "Aspergers misdiagnosed as Manic Depression?", "description": "Was wondering if anyone else has come into this situation/has any experience with how they went about fixing it. I was diagnosed 3 years ago as Bipolar Type II, but after finding symptom's of Aspergers a few weeks ago, it's been bouncing around my mind as an alternate diagnoses that explains alot more. \n\nHas anyone else had experience in a co-morbidity and/or misdiagnoses between the two, and is it worth going to a therapist to ask some generalized questions? ", "answer": "It is hard to imagine a licensed psychologist confusing Bipolar II and Asperger's.  Hypomania really doesn't have anything in common with Asperger's, and the depression part of Bipolar II could be related to almost any diagnosis, not just asperger's.\n\nIf someone with AS was misdiagnosed with Bipolar II, it is not because they are similar, it is malpractice.\n\nNow if someone actually has both Bipolar II and Asperger's, the Bipolar II might overshadow the Asperger's causing a psychologist to miss the diagnosis.\n\nIt can never hurt to talk to your therapist or a licensed psychologist about your questions and concerns.  Before you do, know there are specific criteria that you must meet before being diagnosed with any disorder.  You may want to ask how you met the criteria for BPII and whether you meet those criteria for AS.\n\nAny licensed professional is well-trained in diagnosis.  Unfortunately, many licensed professionals become lazy hacks once they are done with school and internships.  That is the only reason I can think of that BPII and AS would be confused.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1btuo1", "comment_id": "c9a2t5n"}, {"question": "ADHD and lifting at the gym / diet / pre workouts", "description": "Hello there! \n\nI have recently been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 24. I am currently hitting the gym quite hard around 5/6 days a week.\n\nI am 6ft 6\" and of slim build I started medication a couple of weeks ago (concerta 36mg) and I have a couple of questions. \n\n1: Can I still take a pre-workout before the gym? (Without caffeine perhaps)\n2: As my medication is a stimulant I have found my appetite decrease and it's effecting my progression... Any way I can work up my appetite?  \n", "answer": "You should still be able to workout. As you'll know, decreased appetite is common on methylphenidate, tell your prescriber. Cant give you advice other than to motivate yourself to eat regularly.\n\nOut of interest - what symptoms of ADHD were you struggling with? When did it start? Why only at age 24 have you been diagnosed? Any response from the medication?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vbd0z", "comment_id": "de1ilzj"}, {"question": "Is this a reason enough to break up with someone?", "description": "I have a boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months. We meet about once every week and he has told me that he loves me.\nI told him when we began this relationship that I want to take things slow, because when we started dating it was only a month and a half after me and my ex broke up after a three year relationship.\n\nI felt good with my current BF but he told me shortly after we started the relationship that he had been anorexic, but was absolutely and perfectly well now. I had been battling anorexia about 8 months before we began dating so I know how it is.\n\nBut I have noticed that he isn't over it, he eats like a little girl, constantly counts calories and it is triggering me, really bad. Around other people I don't feel like stopping eating, starving myself for perfection but around him I do.\n\nI have told him about this and that I feel uncomfortable naked around him, because he's so thin and fragile, meanwhile I now have some meat on my bones (130 pounds, he weight much less and is taller.)\n\nHe thinks it is only about me being uncomfortable naked, but it is just really hard, and I can't handle with it, I want to focus on my own health, I try to help him, but I only can feel myself getting worse.\n\nThere are also other reasons why I want to break up with him.\nI am moving out of the country in six months or so, to go to Uni and then we will break up. \n\nWhen we have sex it is only he who orgasms, and we never ever cuddle.\n\nHe thinks this is a happy,normal relationship(his first) but I know it isn't.\n\nThank you for reading this.\n\n**TLDR**\nWell, I feel like my BF for six months is really pushing my anorexic tendancies and that makes me feel really bad, but I do not know if that is a a reason enough to break up with him.\n\n\n", "answer": "Just want to add another voice to the chorus, from a fellow ED sufferer: Break up with this guy. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "p4odj", "comment_id": "c3mjml9"}, {"question": "increased facial hair??", "description": "hi ladies, i'm very stressed out, I do notice my body hair and facial hair, however I feel as if it has increased, now I don't know if it's true, but could my birth control shot[estradiol+Norethisterone] have something to do with it? I feel like I have more facial hair, but I'm not sure I'm exaggerating or if it's true. I took pictures last week to compare them in a month. \n", "answer": "I think stress can worsen PCOS symptoms. I've tried spearmint tea but no specific results for me after 2+ months. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3smlya", "comment_id": "cwz8jpd"}, {"question": "I don't know women", "description": "This post is actually a big question to women of the world, because there is one big thing I'm really confused about. \n\nSo I broke up with my girlfriend (she's 22 this year) a few days back and I'm reflecting what really went wrong so I can improve to win her back or to at least help me move on to a future without her. \n\nWe broke up in a peaceful manner, no fighting no anything, just a sad talk and though I was unwilling, I decided to agree to end our relationship because she said she no longer had feelings for me and there's no point in maintaining an one sided relationship. \n\nSo from the talk we had, I learned quite a few things:\n\u2022 So apparently from the start when i was wooing her, she thought that I was not ready for a relationship/unwilling to put in maximum effort for a relationship (admittedly im at least somewhat like that) but she still agreed to a relationship because she felt she was \"still young\" (she was 20 then) and she believed that I'll be different after we become official. \n\u2022 She had talked about my lack of initativeness and subsequently, the fact that me being a beta male means I was the opposite of her ideal partner (an alpha male who will make her take a girlfriend role)\n\u2022 She told me the previous points about 3-4 times from Sep 2016 and I made (empty) promises that I'll change for her, since she had done the same to suit me, and while I thought I had changed enough, as it turns out it's still not enough\n\u2022 So just bear in mind it's being troubling her for at least 5-6 months and even perhaps at the start of our 13 months relationship \n\nBUT there's the confusing part\n\u2022 While she's starting to become disappointed in me, she didn't say anything despite I encouraged an honest relationship (but maybe she didnt want to hurt me or she wanted me to take the initiative to change\n\u2022 Then I was reading the past messages (not a good idea tbh but whats done is done) and I read that her anniversary message was really like heart shapes and stuff like what she would usually do. That was December 2016\n\u2022 Then suddenly in a matter of weeks (not more than 1 month) she just changed 180 degrees and she said she lost ALL feelings for me cos of her disappointment in me (and some anger) and this was apparent when her style of messaging changed (more cold and less hearts etc)\n\n\nSo I'm confused? How is it possible for someone to change so sudden/shouldn't the change be like gradually? Okay she was more mushy during the start of the relationship during the honeymoon period but i guess it's cos it's the honeymoon?\n\u2022 Or is it I was blind enough not to notice the gradual coldness? \n\u2022 I doubt so but could it be that she was just acting throughout the past few months to not hurt my feelings?\n\u2022 Or is it just the act of emotions and anger and that is just an impulsive decision?\n\nCan the women of reddit enlighten me so I can finally put this issue to ease? Thanks ", "answer": "it's not about women.  it's about a singular very mixed up woman.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5peb64", "comment_id": "dcqi0ky"}, {"question": "Planning ahead for medication changes for psychosis and seizures.", "description": "22F\n66.6kgs\n172cm\nCaucasian\n\nCase history: \n\nI experienced a severe TBI two years ago and was placed into a drug-induced coma for two months to regulate brain swelling and intracranial pressures. \n\nI experienced drug-induced tonic-clonic seizures (I\u2019ve forgotten the name of this drug but can find it if needed). \n\nI awoke from my coma and took 9 months to leave the in-patient rehabilitation facility after these two months in the ICU. \n\nThe areas of my brain are said to increase the likelihood of future seizures (left prefrontal cortex and right back cerebellum from concussive force). A skull fracture occurred on the back of my skull and a brain probe was inserted into the prefrontal cortex to regulate pressure. I was kept in cryostasis. \n\nBefore the accident I had been prescribed Sumatriptan for monthly hormone-related migraines, Ventolin for exercise-induced asthma and Metoprolol (1x25 mg/day) for my mitral valve prolapse, high blood pressure and social-anxiety related urticaria. I have bilastine (4x20mg/day) prescribed for urticaria in my legs when standing from long periods due to poor circulation. \n\nThe experts at the rehabilitation clinic had prescribed me 500mg 2x/day Keppra (Levetiracetam) and Seroquel (Quetiapine) 25-50mg 1x/day. Keppra caused psychosis and subsequent insomnia, hence the Seroquel. The Keppra also caused hair loss, incessant itching, concentration issues, rashes, emotion regulation issues and other things. Seroquel causes fatigue and weight gain (10kgs in under 4 months). \n\nI now need to drive and am doing a strenuous degree. The concentration issues and constant fatigue in combination to the psychosis and insomnia became too much. To drive I must stay on an anti-epileptic. I am being switched to Lamictal over the next six weeks to accommodate these factors. \n\nMy question is, in the case that the Seroquel must be continued (i.e. the chronic fatigue does not stop), can Seroquel be prescribed for the psychosis and insomnia, Modafinil for the fatigue and concentration issues and Lamictal for the chance of seizures? Do these medications conflict? Would a sedative and a stimulant combination completely wreck my body\u2019s own energy regulatory systems?\n\nI know that it is not super to have been prescribed Seroquel to counteract the side-effects of Keppra, but I fear that the two years of being on Keppra will have ingrained the psychotic personality traits and habits so deeply that I will have to now always take Seroquel and subsequently suffer from chronic fatigue. \n\nI would be so grateful for any help and if this may be something feasible and worth bringing up the next time I can see my doctors. Thanks.", "answer": "Partly to u/dranoto as well. \n\nKeppra side effects can be permanent. Lacosamide (Vimpat) and zonisamide (Zonegran) have less effect on mood. Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and valproate (Depakote) definitely are better for mood, and the former tends to have few side effects. (The dame can\u2019t be said for valproate.)\n\nAt 50 mg Seroquel is basically not an antipsychotic anyway. If you do need an antipsychotic, there are more tolerable options, usually. If you just need something for sleep, there are also many drugs with better side effect profiles.\n\nYou have doctors already. Talk to them about making the switches.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hxwamn", "comment_id": "fz9gb3m"}, {"question": "hi, i'm a stalker and i need help", "description": "Hi. I'm a stalker, and I don't want to be. \n\nAre there any resources targeted toward men who do this but don't want to? Something that isn't the typical \"tough love / scare tactic\" stuff.\n\nIt's pretty bad and it isn't getting better. \n\nedit: please do not recommend therapy or try to sell me on e-therapists or assume that there are competent affordable therapist in my area. thank you. no therapy recommendations.", "answer": "Consider doing an assessment at your closest batterers intervention program. They also do stalking behavior, or could refer you to a place you\u2019d need. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7clo0e", "comment_id": "dpr6jph"}, {"question": "girl liking me help", "description": "There is this girl that I graduated high school with (both 18) and we have hung out to smoke maybe twice and I\u2019ve seen her at a few parties but we have never really talked.\nMe and her both recently got out of relationships so we hung out, smoked and then did the adult deed. A day or two after she was texting me asking if we were just fuckbuddies or if we were talking etc. and all of her texts have heart emojis and her saying \u201chow cute and funny I am\u201d even though we have literally hung out twice ever and she knows nothing about me \n\nI just wanted some consensual sex and it\u2019s not like I wouldn\u2019t want to talk to her it\u2019s just we have never talked about ourselves or anything personal. I don\u2019t want to lead this girl on to think that we are talking but I still want to have sex with her. \n\nAny thoughts are appreciated ", "answer": "The best thing that you can do for the both of you is be honest and straight forward.  Basically let her know that you're down to hang out like before, but you're not interested in any type of relationship and looking to keep things more casual.  \n\n\nSo long as you're straight forward with it, it's up to her to decide if she's okay with that or not.  \n\n\nThe only way you come out being the bad guy here is if you lead her on or aren't clear with your intentions.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zca5r", "comment_id": "e2hmni5"}, {"question": "It's been over 6 months since I [26m] got dumped by my ex [25f] and I still can't get her out of my head, what should I do?", "description": "We were together for about a year and 4 months and I was about to move closer to her. We had a really bad breakup, mostly with me not knowing how do deal with these emotions until it got to the point where she just refused to talk to me. I called her twice asking her to reconsider and thought we agreed to wait until after her finals so we can reevaluate the situation, but after a month I texted her and she responded with \"don't reach out to me again\".\n\nThe first few weeks after the breakup I was a mess, even had the police here a few times cause my friends were worried about me. I can't blame them for it, but I don't think it was needed.\n\nFast forward a few months, and I still struggle ever day not to contact her (haven't reached out to her since late December when she said not to contact her again) and I just don't know how much longer I can stay sane with this pain. Most of my friends are getting tired of dealing me with and I honestly cant blame them... I wasn't to be with her more than anything in the world, and I'd do anything to make this pain go away. I've tried seeing a therapist and even tried many different ones, but that wasn't helping. I met new people and made awesome new friends but I don't know how much longer I can keep hiding this depression from everyone. \n\nHow do I open a discussion with her again? How do I fix this and not let the person I love destroy me emotionally... How do I become my old cheerful self again so I can meet someone new? I'm lost, confused, hurt and just don't know what to do with my life anymore", "answer": "My suggestion would be therapy, and progress in therapy can take time. Why haven't you stuck with a therapist? Working through this will take time and effort on your part, focusing on yourself and not her. \n\nA therapist may suggest exploring antidepressants which can be a short term option to help get you through this time. Best of luck to you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69p31i", "comment_id": "dh8i5yp"}, {"question": "Help with understanding what my MTHFR mutation is and what treatments are available", "description": "Mandatory info:\n\n    Age: 19\n    Sex: female\n    Height: 5'6\n    Weight: 114 lbs\n    Race: white\n    Duration of complaint: two months at this severity of symptoms, lifelong presence of symptoms\n    Location: whole body\n    Any existing relevant medical issues: diagnosed anxiety and ADHD, bouts of depression, MTHFR mutation\n    Current medications: Cymbalta 20mg, Focalin 15mg, birth control\n\nBackground: For the past two months, ever since college started again, I've been struggling with severe exhaustion and lack of motivation, plus elevated anxiety. I came to the realization that I've actually always struggled with exhaustion, that being tired all the time wasn't normal, and I told all of this to my psychiatrist. I got a slew of tests done on my blood and genes, and last week got the results back.\n\nResults: B12 deficiency (level of B12 in my blood is 212 pg/ml, so .212 ng/ml), homozygous MTHFR C677T mutation, and I found out that both my anti-anxiety/antidepressant medication and my ADHD medication aren't well suited to me.\n\nTreatment: I had a shot of cyanocobalamin; have started taking Deplin and 1000mcg sublingual methylcobalamin daily; switched zoloft for cymbalta; and will switch my ADHD medication in a month once I'm back home.\n\nQuestion: Despite my best attempts at researching my mutation, I've struggled to figure out exactly what effect it has on my body. I know it hinders the conversion of folic acid to its bioavailable form, but that doesn't seem to quite explain the B12 deficiency. On top of that, I'm struggling to figure out my treatment options. There's oral/sublingual supplements, shots, and the cyanocobalamin vs methylcobalamin debate (my doctor prescribed cyanocobalamin, but my research seems to imply that's the inferior form for someone with this mutation). The plan is to do the shot and take daily sublingual supplements until I get my blood tested again in a month (which is what I have done), but the backup option is to get regular shots for a few weeks before going to either monthly shots or sublingual supplements. Given that I felt more energetic for about 36 hours after the shot before fading back to the intense exhaustion I've been experiencing, I'm tempted to move to the backup plan, but maybe I just haven't given the sublinguals enough time.\n\nI'm already planning to contact my psychiatrist about all this, but I'd like to go into it with more information. I'm kind of desperate because these issues aren't getting better, but they're definitely getting in the way of my ability to function academically, and I'm scared about how this semester is going to go if I don't start getting better soon.", "answer": "MTHFR mutation testing and treatment is largely pseudoscience; we don't really know what the different alleles mean, but none are significant enough for treatment. A B12 >200 pg/mL isn't deficiency but might warrant further testing, but genetic testing is not terribly useful.\n\nMy guess is that your 36 hour response is a placebo response and that you should talk to your psychiatrist about more effective treatment, but not B12. That's likely to be a red herring unless you also have megaloblastic anemia or other signs of B12 deficiency.\n\nAs an aside, genetic testing for psychiatric medications is also a largely unproven field. There may be benefit, but it hasn't been well shown in studies not conducted with high risk of bias (i.e. by the companies doing the testing). ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9q9s3h", "comment_id": "e87sem9"}, {"question": "Does medical grade (clean) THC oil transfer to breast milk? And if so, how will it effect my baby?", "description": "I\u2019m a bit of an anxious person as is. My baby is 4 months old. I breast feed and formula feed. A good friend of mine has a baby and has been using THC oil almost daily since her baby was 3 months old (she breastfeeds). She claims that she has done several drug screens of her breast milk and they have all been negative. She also claims it\u2019s perfectly safe and has no effect on her baby. For what it\u2019s worth, her 1 year old is extremely intelligent, independent and talkative. \nWould it be safe for me to try this? Maybe not daily, but once in a while?\nWill it transfer to my breast milk? If so, for how long? Will it effect my child and if so, how?", "answer": "u/highrhymes has given good advice here, but I'll chime in and agree. There's very limited data on THC exposure in children, particularly infrequent rather heavy use. That said, everything we know points to THC being not good for neurological development in adolescents, and there's no reason to think it would be better for infants.\n\nMy advice, similarly, would be to completely avoid THC. It's possible that the amount transmitted in breast milk is low enough and that there  is a threshold below which it has no effect, but we don't know that. It may be safe. It probably is mostly safe, most of the time. But it's a completely avoidable risk, so why not avoid it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b12n8f", "comment_id": "eiixzzb"}, {"question": "Should I Go Back On Medication For My MDD?", "description": " \n\n* 24\n* Male\n* 6'1\n* 160 lbs\n* White\n* 8 months\n* USA, Texas, my brain.\n* Major Depressive Disorder or MDD.\n* No current medication, previously on Lexapro. \n\n​\n\nHi everyone, so I've been considering whether or not to go on medication for Major Depressive Disorder. I've talked to the psychologists at health and science center in my city and they recommend it. But my talk therapist that I see semi-regularly says that it is all up to me whether I want to take the medication or not due to me being functional.\n\n​\n\nA little backstory. Back in October of 2018, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. We lived together, she moved out and I ended up having what I discovered was called a 'depressive episode'. I went to the hospital a few weeks after we broke up because I just didn't feel normal and I was crying and upset, so they ended up sending me to the ward for a few days and prescribed me lexapro. Just to clarify, this has never happened to me before, I have not been to the hospital for anything other than physical injuries when I was a child and I do not vomit my feelings onto complete strangers, especially to the point where they wanted to hospitalize me.\n\nWhile I was in the hospital I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. After I got out, I began seeing a therapist and working through my issues. In my history, according to the doctors, I have had 2 depressive episodes and I am at risk for a third one. One I had before the diagnosis and one during the diagnosis.\n\nI was on lexapro for a month, it made me 'level out' emotionally speaking. But I felt cold and unfeeling, I did not experience any highs or lows, I just felt distant or on autopilot when I was on it. I did not have any refills and they wanted to switch me to prozac after this but I did not feel comfortable with that.\n\nAbout my life: I work a normal 8-5 job at a small office, I'm 24 and live with a few roomates. I have my own car and my life is pretty stable financially speaking. The problem is, most days I feel very tense, I don't like my job very much and can spiral really easily while I'm there. I get to sleep easy and wake up pretty easy and I get about 7 - 8 hours of sleep per night. But when I wake up, I do not feel rested most of the time. I do go to the gym about 3 - 4 days a week and I eat healthy and drink lots of water.\n\nI do tend to have problems with thinking about suicide, as right now I feel like I'm having more bad days, then good ones. I do not talk to anyone about thinking about it, I try to not think those thoughts. But if it isn't that, I tend to have excessive guilt for past wrongs I've committed, especially in regards to having sex. As I do not feel I am entirely over my previous relationship.\n\nAnyways, I just want to feel normal again. I want to have regular motivation and not feel so foggy, tired and sad a lot of the time. But I am not sure medication is a good choice as I am afraid of some of the side effects. Not to mention the stigma that comes with being on something like prozac. I fear that it will effect my brain chemistry and that's not something I want to keep messing with. As it is I don't want to mess with my head, I don't want to lose parts of my personality even further.\n\n​\n\nTL;DR: Want to feel better but do not to go on prozac. Should I do it anyway?", "answer": "As I think has already been brought up, there's no obligation to take an antidepressant. It's reasonable to continue with psychotherapy alone. Medication plus therapy on average tends to be more effective and have more durable effect than just one or the other. The question is whether it would be helpful, on balance. The overall evidence is yes, but it's not overwhelmingly strong evidence, and your individual experience can be different.\n\nThe one thing I would bring up is the fear that you don't want to mess with your brain chemistry. In reality, everything we do alters our brains. Therapy alters brains in a way that can be seen on neuroimaging like fMRI; it actually looks very much like taking antidepressants (when both work). If you want to feel different, you need your brain to be different, whether that's through what you do, medication, or both.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhbzu6", "comment_id": "elrly58"}, {"question": "DAE get their depression triggered when they are in a \"happy\" environment?", "description": "Was recently at a ball party thing and honestly felt the worst I've felt in ages. I think it is because I see things other have that I don't like happiness, friends, partners, plans etc. For the same reasons I find so called \"happy\" romantic films super depressing because I get so jealous. I'm so jealous of people who are happy, and who can talk to others without anxiety. ", "answer": "Kind of similar, but sometimes my depression is triggered by BEING happy and wanting more of this feeling and then becoming upset at the fact that I was denied this feeling for so much of my life and will soon be denied it again.\n\nFor example, I recently began to make a friend. I'm terrified of people because of how I've been hurt in the past and have social anxiety, but it felt so natural with her. The few times we've hung out, I've had such an effortlessly great time and she makes me feel so good about myself. However, this friendship is brief as I will be moving out of state in a month. So every time I have fun with her or feel happy because I was successful in beginning a friendship, it is followed by me feeling intensely lonely inside. Angry at my past, angry I'm not healthier or in a better position now, angry I don't have years of these experiences of friendship and love to encourage me to find new ones when I have to leave others behind (or they leave me, more likely). Every failure is a crushing blow and every success makes me fall into self pity. Jealousy. I'm jealous of this girl and her friendships and I wish I was surrounded by people who love me and admire me, and where that feeling is MUTUAL. I want to love someone and have them love me back the same. I want this. I've begun to get it, and it hurts just the same.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6kltzb", "comment_id": "djnkx2c"}, {"question": "Those annoying intrusive thoughts", "description": "Ive been having them the last like, week. Im afraid to talk about them in real life since I don't want anyone to think I'm like, actually in any way suicidal, even though I have those images shoving their way in. Im just so... annoyed honestly. Thus the title.\n\nIm actually not even doing badly, not really. had a good day aside from when i apparently tore my cuticle on something, but even that is just an annoyance. But the thoughts just had to shove their wway in.\n\nI dunno, I guess i'm just venting maybe. Its ticking me off and spoiling my mood. also my finger hurts. \n\nBut yeah anyway. sorry, I hope i didnt break any of the rules here or anything. I don't think i did but just in case. I just don't think keeping it to myself was doing me any good at all.", "answer": "Very normal symptom of depression.  Not useful to try and suppress them generally.  Mindfulness and meditation are some of the best ways to cope.  You want to teach yourself to not take them literally and just let them be thoughts.  Brains overreact all the time.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "517l1b", "comment_id": "d7a5vu8"}, {"question": "When/How to get a new therapist?", "description": "So, I recently started therapy for the first time. My counselor helped me find her and reassured me the company she worked with was great. I\u2019ve gone to 4 appointments now, though, and I\u2019m just not sure. I\u2019m mostly concerned because we haven\u2019t gotten to the actual \u201ctherapy\u201d part yet. The first two appointment were paperwork, the most recent two have been practicing mindfulness/grounding, but she hasn\u2019t really shown any concern about my issues. I think a lot of this is just because we haven\u2019t clicked yet (and I struggle a lot when I don\u2019t click with people,) but I\u2019m not sure when to throw in the towel or where to even start.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI'd bring up this in session with her. This would be a good way for her to gauge your idea of progress within the therapy process so far and it would help clear the air a bit and give you a chance to speak a bit more about it. It can be simple as \"It's been 4 sessions now and I don't feel like we've really gotten into why I'm here.\" Also, it might be good to ask what it might \"look like\" when \"the actual therapy\" part arrives. What kinds of things do you expect? What are you hoping to see?\n\nI get the idea a lot from new clients that want to just jump right in and immediately start working on stuff. There are a lot of reasons why that might not happen immediately, and 4 sessions is not a lot of time (unless your therapist specifically uses short term approaches. But since she has done 2 sessions of paperwork and 2 sessions of grounding, I would imagine not). \n\nYou are the one that has full say in what you choose to do, though. If you feel like it's just not clicking you are perfectly able to find someone else. I would definitely at least bring up these ideas with her first and see how she responds. That might give you a clearer answer.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ehn4hb", "comment_id": "fck7kwi"}, {"question": "Baldness?", "description": "I'm a 16 F, and I have OCD with trichotillomania. I also have depression and some trauma. That's my overview. But I have been pulling a bit more hair lately and scratching more because I keep feeling like I'm gonna get lice, or I'm just anxious/scared. So I've been very scared if getting bald patches or thinness. Well my boyfriend was on his phone, and I asked him if he thought my hair was getting a little thinner. He looked briefly and said \"slightly\". I tried to play it off, I never should have asked him. But I freaked out. He sat there with me while I cried for an hour, and listened to me talk. He said he was sorry and he wasnt really paying that much attention when I asked, he thought I had noticed and was asking his opinion, and he should reply with a little just in case, that way I could stop it of something was starting. But he swore up and down that he didnt think I was balding and that It really was just my part, and my cowlick. He even promised. He hasnt broken a promise to me in years and years. I really want to believe him. But I also have horrible self image. I'll soend hours taping myself trying to identify my flaws and prove to myself if they're there or not. So I'm having difficulty believing him. I'm freaking out now. My hair was the only thing I kind of liked about myself. And I'm scared I'm going bald. I want to believe him. But I cant seem to get over this. Any advice?", "answer": "Are you able to get cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist? Do your parents/caregivers know about the extent of what you\u2019re experiencing? I\u2019m so sorry it\u2019s impacting your life so extensively.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "drt6w7", "comment_id": "f6l0m9v"}, {"question": "I'm a college student and I think I may have a sever anxiety and/or depression issues. How do I get help? I don't know what to do.", "description": "My university's health services are notoriously bad and I'll have to wait months to see someone. I'm in the US btw. I can't really talk to my parents about it because they don't believe in mental health issues, they think I just have a discipline problem. I'm 20 years old.\n\nFor context, I worked hard in high school and got into a very good college, but am now essentially unable to do anything. I constantly feel anxiety in my stomach and have a hard time even checking my email, and I can't even muster the motivation to get up in the morning. It may just be me being a lazy POS, but I feel like I should talk to someone.\n\nPlease lmk if I should post this elsewhere.", "answer": "You could also ask in r/AskPsychiatry.\n\nYou don't really have a specific question here. If you have insurance, even through your parents, there should be a number on the card that you can call for mental health services. The networks they have can be frustrating to access and getting to see someone can take months regardless. University health services might at least be a start for you, and they might be able to make a referral.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hbn2op", "comment_id": "fvco07f"}, {"question": "Will I ever be deemed good enough for anyone?", "description": "My whole life no one has ever thought I was anything even remotely special. Not one person. I've had very few friends and no boyfriend. I don't know what to do. My life is pretty much at a complete dead end. It's too late now for me to have any of the things I've wanted for so long. ", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel, I often feel the same way.  Don\u2019t give up on yourself.   You have value and someone will see that.  Maybe put yourself out there and start meeting new people.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "araqh2", "comment_id": "eglulxt"}, {"question": "Are therapists trained to be empathetic/sympathetic?", "description": "Or is it legit when they offer praise or sympathy?", "answer": "I am a graduate student in a mental health counseling program. Therapists are trained to be empathetic, not sympathetic, but that might not mean what you mean by \"empathetic\". It means the therapist is working to put him/herself in the client's shoes, not feel bad/sorry for the client. \n\nOne of the major focuses of therapeutic training is that you cannot be a good therapist without truly connecting with and caring about your clients. There will always be some distance in he therapist-client relationship, but any praise or commiseration should be genuine, even if it's expression has been thought out in advance. So, if your therapist is expressing emotion with you, it isn't fake, even if they received training in better ways to express those emotions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s3pvu", "comment_id": "cnlwlzt"}, {"question": "What does DBT advise for mood swings?", "description": "That's the problem I struggle the most with - I'll be feeling okay, and then suddenly I'll be triggered into a depressed mood or sometimes irrational anger.\n\nWhat does DBT advise you to do in those situations? I've tried googling it but haven't found much beyond \"Take a bath lol\" level advice, which isn't particularly helpful. ", "answer": "Not DBT specifically, but what I've always found helpful is practicing mindfulness during the mood swings. Take space, be by yourself, recognize how you are feeling and try to distance yourself from those swings. The swing is bpd, it's irrational and it's not founded in truth.\n\nDistractions! music is a powerful tool that can help get you out of a pickle. Conversations with another trusted person who knows you and what you go through. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Color something. Do some origami. Eat! Cook! Create!  Cry, because sometimes it helps and it's okay ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2vaiux", "comment_id": "cofwwom"}, {"question": "Is it too much to ask?", "description": "I really do not know. Is it too much to ask? I want a man that truly cares about me, that is respectable (somewhat successful), with good character, TALL, and SMART (I'm in school to be a pharmacist, I would absolutely love to marry a medical professional). I want him to be awesome. I have found many guys that represent this description but I don't desire him like I want to. I want to really crave my man, sexually. I know I can be ravenous for someone bc I have experienced it before. If I desire him I can almost guarantee he will be a very happy man and we would have a very healthy relationship. But as it has seemed, I think I am asking for too much. I know a few guys that really like me that are awesome guys, and they are attractive but I'm not drawn to them sexually. I think I'm asking for too much ", "answer": "tall, medical professional.....these are not important qualities and limit the field unnecessarily", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61cjhw", "comment_id": "dfdiraz"}, {"question": "I found out my mom [68/f] is having an affair with a coworker. I tell my dad [68/m] right?", "description": "I found some inappropriate text messages between my mom and a coworker. I don't know if they have done anything sexual or even hung out outside of work. To summarize the text messages they were using pet names for each other, he was constantly calling her beautiful, complementing her outfits, and how good she smelled. I think they were also meeting up during breaks onsite at work. For the most part he was initiating it, and she was mostly responding with a kissy face emoji. This was not easy for me to read. I plan on telling my dad this Sunday in person. I don't exactly know how I'm going to tell him, but I feel like I have to. I have no idea what the fallout will be. Is telling him the right thing to do?  I guess I'm looking for reassurance. \n\n.\n\nEdit: I'm not telling the co-workers wife. I agree not my business. I don't want to hurt my dad or for them to split up. If i was in this situation I would want to know. That's where my thought process is coming from. Right now I'm leaning more towards just confronting my mom. Then what do I do? I confront her tell her to stop and then stay out of it?", "answer": "Stay out of it. Don't get in the middle. Talk to your Mom about your concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7662a3", "comment_id": "doborwu"}, {"question": "Maybe if jobs require a doctors note to get a sick day...", "description": "...it should be a covered benefit. There\u2019s a fucking suggestion. I\u2019m sick of paying out of my ass every time I get sick. ", "answer": "It\u2019s ridiculous to send someone to a doctor\u2019s office full of other germs, pay a copay, just for them to say \u201cyou\u2019re right Dave, you do have a cold\u201d. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aio1xw", "comment_id": "eeq8i37"}, {"question": "Should I tell my girlfriend I enjoy gay porn?", "description": "So first off, this has been something ive been struggling with internally for quite a bit. Not because I think I may be gay, not because im uncomfy with the fact that I do enjoy gay porn, but because I dont know how she will react to this. I am confident in my sexuality, I know that I am straight, but I cant help but enjoy gay porn (along with straight porn, which is what I mainly view). And I know im not the only one, which is evident by a quick google, but to explain it quickly, I'd say i enjoy it simply because i enjoy thinking of the way gay sex feels. Im fairly into anal play with myself and my gf as well(for her, for me, etc.) and I believe that there is nothing wrong with any of that. The way I see it is, if I was made this way biologically, to enjoy the feeling of something in my ass, then why would it be gay to do those things? Im not so concerned with labels however as I am with just how she'd react, we have had a light discussion on what it means to be gay recently, and she agreed with my whole outlook on this subject to a degree. I just dont want her to feel like I'd ever have any chance of being attracted to a guy, because I am not in any way, nor could I ever be. I dont want to add to her worries of girls and whatnot, and I feel like theres a possibility she could freak out if i told her, also because i've been \"hiding\" this for so long. Any advice or tips would be appreciated, thanks.", "answer": "if you enjoy gay porn, then there are some gay feelings inside you that should be explored, perhaps with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68rlu0", "comment_id": "dh13wh5"}, {"question": "ADHD 101", "description": "Hi, I just got diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago, and I'm on Dexedrine. \n\nI was wondering what some strategies to function well are. I'm a university student, so focusing in class and being able to get myself to study is super important, and I'm still unable to do either of those. \n\nHelp!! Thank you, love you!!", "answer": "Hi, I love you too! Does it help you to study in a particular space or type of environment? Or what about setting a timer for yourself for what feels like a manageable chunk of time to study? Are you motivated by rewarding yourself? (This doesn\u2019t work for me because I\u2019ll just reward myself whether I do the task or not but maybe you\u2019re different \ud83d\ude02)\n\nEdit: also some people find fidgeting really does help them stay present and focused so you could get some kind of fidget for class.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab7ikh", "comment_id": "ecy1vtp"}, {"question": "BPD and hallucinations", "description": "So I guess my BPD has gotten worse... I've started seeing hallucinations. I thought it was just a one time thing at first but it's been reoccurring. Will this go away or am I completely fucked up at this point? Is there a way to recover from this quicker? I'm active duty military and can't afford to be dealing with hallucinations.", "answer": "Don't joke or ignore severe symptoms of mental health. You have a responsibility in your career and your life that you need to be in the best health to do so. Seek professional treatment. It will be alright. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "448abb", "comment_id": "czozsou"}, {"question": "Is it legal for parents to do this?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This is going to be a long post, thank you for reading. \n\nLast Sunday my brother got into an argument with my mother. We'll call him Sam, he's 15. I'm a girl and I'm 17. It began with Sam asking my mom \"Why are you opening dad's mail?\" They're divorced and live separately. It ended up with my mom putting Sam in a choke hold, me pulling her off of him, and him having to ride his bike 10 miles to my dad's house. That day my mom yelled bloody murder at me. She hit me. To be honest, I can't fully remember everything she said. My mind blocks it out. But what I do remember is basically being told that I was worthless, I was wrong, and I didn't do anything right. It got to the point where she was yelling at me, then her stupid boyfriend was yelling at me, and I was just crying. I ended up going into the bathroom and cutting myself. I rarely cut myself. Last summer was the last time I did. She drives me to it. Last summer every day I was crying as she spit out words of abuse. She'll scream at me, calling me a whore, a bitch, anything she can think of. I can't explain it really, but it just gets to the point where I'm so miserable, my insides hurt. My feelings I guess hurt so badly that cutting is like relief. It hurts less than the hurt inside. \n\nThe next day I had to go work, I work in a garden and it is the most terrible job. It's so hot, I'm so little and  I have asthma. I over heat and it's a really hard job for me. I come home and my dad has dropped Sam back at home. Sam is just sitting on the front porch because my mother won't let him come inside. I just sit on the porch with my brother because I feel bad. He's my brother, I love him, and I'm not going to ostracize her like my mom, her boyfriend, and my little brother. So I sit with him. Later I go inside and I'm eating cake. I try to bring some out to my brother and my mom flips out. She and her boyfriend yell at me that I'm \"undermining her authority\" and other crazy shit. She tells me she's so \"sick of me\" and she can't handle me \"bullying\" her. She makes me pack my things, takes away my phone and car keys, and drives me and Sam to my dads. \n\nNow my dad lives in a shitty house. He has a couple other really ghetto roommates. The house is falling apart and filthy. He has some financial issues and he goes without eating good meals quite often. Most weekends we can't visit him because he can't afford it. So we go over there and his shower and toilet aren't working and he has no food. So he drives us back over and tells my mom he really just cannot take us. My mom is pissed that we're back and she makes us sleep outside. Is that legal?? She fucking made me and Sam sleep outside on the fucking grass. Now my dad would've driven right back and taken us if he knew, but my brother and I didn't tell him until the next day because he needed sleep to go to work. He works at 5 AM and it was 1 AM when he dropped us back off. He drives a truck all day and if he had been too tired he could fall asleep at the wheel or he'd have had to call in sick. He can't afford to miss work... my mom already lost her job he can't afford to lose his. \n\nIn the morning when we woke up we tried going inside but my mom wouldn't let us. So I changed my clothes in the front yard because I just didn't fucking care at that point and walked a few blocks and had my friend pick me up. She's a damn saint. By the way, my mom turned my brother's phone off and she had taken mine so we couldn't contact her. We didn't tell her anything, just left, and spend the night at my friend's. The next day we went home and she finally let us in after a long talk with my dad. But she went to the police. She told them a twisted story about how my brother and I \"bully\" my mom and she just couldn't handle us anymore and it ended up with the cop agreeing that it was legal for her to leave us outside. He told her to call them next time and they would pick us up and put us into foster care if she couldn't handle us. The whole time her stupid boyfriend is defending her and telling her to call the cops on us and whatnot.\n\nNow this is so frustrating. I can't even describe it fully. Because I am NOT a bad kid. I get good grades, I take all the extra curricular classes that are offered, I'm president of my school, I drive my brothers everywhere, I do all the grocery shopping. Since I began driving I've taken over the role of mother. By the time I was 6 my mom stopped giving a shit. Our house was filthy. There was so much shit in out house that you couldn't walk around. The floors were grimy and matted with spilled food and drink. The table and sink overflowed with dishes full of rotting food and maggots. She never cooked us dinner. Since I was six I've been eating whatever I can find around the house and when I got old enough I cleaned the house so that it wasn't a dump anymore. Now my mom has a routine of go to work, come home, grab a beer, head straight to her bedroom, sleep. She doesn't come out to talk to us, she never cooks dinner, or helps with dishes, or helps us with homework. Before I could drive there was never food in the house and when we needed something from the store we would wait weeks to get it because she never wanted to go. Essentially I am my brother's mom. You guys might not agree, but I do everything for them. When they're sick I care for them, I help them with homework, I buy their friend's birthday gifts and take them to the parties. I cook food, I wash dishes, I help them with school projects, I talk to their teacher's when the parent's are supposed to. And I really don't mind. I know that my mom isn't going to do it and I'm mature enough to know it needs to get done. So I don't ask questions, I just make sure everything is running. I'm constantly stressed with my home life and on top of that I'm extremely involved with school and so I'm always always stressed. Driving has been such a blessing because I can go out and buy myself clothes and food when I/my family needs it. She won't even buy me clothes. Everything I have I buy for myself. She will  go out and spend hundreds on clothes for herself but when I ask for jeans or a coat she tells me \"No, you'll just grow out of it.\" Mind you, I'm 5'2\" and I stopped growing quite a while ago. \n\nSo please. Imagine how frustrating it is when I practically run our household and then I'm berated constantly. I do everything I possibly can and yet I'm told that I'm a bitch, a whore, a liar, lazy, that I never listen, I'm irresponsible, I'm good for nothing. \n\nLately, I just feel empty inside. I want to leave. I want to jump on a train and never look back. My mother drives me to this. She is the reason I cut myself, she's the one who makes me hate living. I feel helpless and unloved and I hate everything about my life living with her. She makes me feel crazy. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know your mom has no problem calling CPS to take you away? It hurts so badly that the one person who is supposed to love you, your own mother, doesn't really care about you. \n\nI don't know what I expect from posting this. I guess I just want to know if you've experienced something similar and what your advice is. I just need to let this out. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "I would inform your school counselor (if you have one) or Vice Principal. Additionally, encourage your brother to do likewise. This is abuse and needs to be addressed.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1jno8w", "comment_id": "cbgugfp"}, {"question": "Do you know a non-spiritual self-acceptance book?", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nI am looking for a book on the subject of self acceptance, but they all seem to target woman or spiritual people. I am looking for an logical, honest, straight forward autor.\n\nI dont like spirituality, mindfulness, buddhiism. I just want to understand the logic behind self-acceptance. My therapist says I'm too hard on myself and I want to learn to accept myself, without having to read stuff like \"look deep inside your heart to discover your true spiritual self\" etc etc.\n\nThank you very much for your time,\n\nMaxime.", "answer": "Nathaniel Branden has some great stuff. I recommend the Six Pillars of Self Esteem.", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "6sn700", "comment_id": "dle0cub"}, {"question": "can a blood donation affect blood tests?", "description": "Age: 18 Height: 5 foot 10.5 inches Sex: M Weight: 70kg Race: White Past/Current Medical issues: Underactive Thyroid(just got told this on the phone today about 10 minutes ago), ADHD\n\nSo I donated blood a couple of weeks ago and 1.5 weeks following that I had a blood test.\n\nThe test came back and apparently I have an underactive thyroid. I forgot to tell the doctors that I had donated blood during the test and was wondering if this could be a false positive because of this. \n\nI do have a fast metabolism and I take supplements every morning ( not that I need to) so I should get enough vitamins etc. If someone could also explain why it shouldn't make any difference or why it does that would be great.", "answer": "Blood donation does not make a significant difference to thyroid function, especially days following the test. You replace lost blood much quicker than that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ae67na", "comment_id": "edmpcjo"}, {"question": "Am I wasting my time?", "description": "So. This post is going to sound rather childish but I wanted unbiased opinions. I have been seeing this guy - who was (not so much anymore) known as a fuckboy (I hate that word) - for about 2 years now. On three occasions he has said the words \u2018I love you\u2019, though on all three he has been drunk, albeit not paralytic or anything. I\u2019ve never said it back because I don\u2019t want to make myself vulnerable and disclose all my feelings. After 2 years we are not official despite him saying he only wants to be with me. Should I cut it off? Or should I tell him that I love him? Which I do but I don\u2019t know how seriously to take him seeing as he hasn\u2019t shown a serious interest in committing. ", "answer": "You can't commit to something that doesn't exist yet. Tell him how you feel and what you want. If he's on the same page, it's a go.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73bryg", "comment_id": "dnp6cwf"}, {"question": "What are some ways to help undo trauma from past emotionally abusive experiences?", "description": "To expand: My first boyfriend/best friend was extremely toxic and emotionally abusive. After we broke up, he would come in and out of my life on his own accords and this went on until last August. This happened since 2015. He finally ended up ghosting me, but the whole time knowing him he was toxic to my mental health. He'd call the shots on when we'd hang out, call on the phone, text, etc. If I got upset with him, it was always irrational according to him. But if he was upset with me, it was justified. He led me on for MONTHS after our break up, saying we'd end up together, but started dating someone else instead. He used me for emotional support, and when he found that support elsewhere, he erased me. I was in therapy last year and went into this but we didn't really dive too deep into it. I'm in the process of finding a new therapist.\n\nI was dating someone else throughout last year, and it wasn't much better. I found out he cheated on me but didn't bring it up. He ignored me two weeks straight because I didn't do something he wanted. He refused to meet my parents. I asked him 10 months into dating him if he was in love with me, he said he didn't know. I eventually broke up with him at the end of 2018 because I was too emotionally stressed and I was tired of giving more than him.\n\nSo that brings us to today: I'm seeing someone and it's rough. My mind has a hard time believing he likes me even after he states he does. I feel like he's upset with me if he replies bluntly (he's just a blunt person). I feel like I annoy him. I'm scared he's going to just stop liking me all of a sudden. He said there will be a second date, but my brain tells me he's gonna walk out before that.\n\nThis has to be because I've suffered through my past relationships so I have a hard time here. Is there any efficient ways to turn this thought process around on my own since I have not found a therapist yet?", "answer": "In a future relationship: engage in honest communication about your feelings to counteract assumptions that happen when you are triggered \n\nWith your thoughts: challenge anything that seems absolute or black and white  or involves assuming what the other person thinks or feels. Catch yourself if you are doing the \u201che hates me, I\u2019ll never be normal, I always get walked all over, etc\u201d\n\nGood luck, finding a therapist will hopefully bring you healing! ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b16mz1", "comment_id": "eijnwky"}, {"question": "Intermittent fasting for PCOS weight loss", "description": "For 3 years, I had been trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained without any obvious reason why. Exercising 2 hours/day + cutting calories wasn't working...changing my macros around, switching to a paleo diet, eating low carb high protein wasn't working...even keto didn't do anything. I only gained an additional 10 lbs, began losing my hair, and lost my cycle for the first time. And I am the epitome of an A+ dieter...no cheats, EVER. Then, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Cysts, no ovulation, and extremely high testosterone (212!). Then, I was diagnosed with \"low t3 syndrome,\" an uncommon version of hypothyroid that doesn't show up on that standard thyroid panel. (luckily, i did my own due diligence and brought my research to the doc, demanding the right tests). Anyway, I got put on armour thyroid, and even that did not make my weight budge, nor had the metformin I'd been on at that point for almost 6 months. As of yesterday, I'm back to my original weight of 130 lbs! Wanna know how?? Intermittent fasting!! (and ketogenic macros) In roughly 3 months, I've lost nearly 30 lbs...effortlessly. I eat 300-400 more calories than I was eating doing calorie restriction/keto (high FAT, NOT high protein, btw) alone, and as I continue to gradually increase, I'm still losing. I exercise 3 days a week, ALL weight training, an hour/day tops....which is far from what I was doing up until 4 months ago (a combo of zumba and high intensity interval training on the Arc Trainer elliptical 6-7 days/week, 1.5-2 hours/day). Insulin has been the culprit all along, as many of you probably already know. Intermittent fasting lowers insulin enough to where my body can actually utilize stored body fat. Amazing! Feel free to ask questions if you're interested.", "answer": "Hmm. I've read that intermittent fasting, while it might lower levels of circulating insulin simply because you aren't eating as often, actually worsens insulin resistance, which is one of the key underlying etiologies of PCOS. This is the same reason for why you cannot fast before an oral glucose challenge test (it may falsely show that you have insulin resistance if you do fast before the test).... so I would be careful about the sustainability of doing this long-term and the potential of further exacerbating your PCOS symptoms in the long run. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "48xkmf", "comment_id": "d0os8b7"}, {"question": "Insomnia and ADHD", "description": "Hi all, recently I've noticed that I watch a ton of videos and stay up late instead of going to sleep. I'm always tired at night but just can't seem to fall sleep because of thoughts. This is new for me, and I used to cope with it by listening to music or asmr as I was going to sleep. I don't want to do this because it requires me to have equipment with me when I sleep vs a simple fan.\nHow do you deal with Insomnia? \nEdit: tonight my worry is that a girl I've been talking to on a dating website hasn't replied back but read my message and I'm worried she lost interest. Naturally I keep trying to take my mind off it but it's all I can think about.", "answer": "Besides insomnia, look into Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It\u2019s highly correlated with ADHD and has been genetically linked with it. \n\nSimply put, one\u2019s Circadian rhythm is different than average, usually longer. Instead of getting tired around 10 or 11PM you might get tired at 2 or 3AM and then you wake up later in the morning. \n\nIf I don\u2019t take medication, I usually get tired around 2AM and wake up around 11AM. That obviously doesn\u2019t work well for your average job. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7n6sn2", "comment_id": "ds09i5m"}, {"question": "What's wrong with me?", "description": "So I've been doing some introspection for a while now and notice I fit several different criteria.\n\nI was reading about mental health and my symptoms and I found one that eerily relates to what I feel, and it was under \"schizophrenia\" on the forum.  Here it is (Minus the medication part)\n\n\"Does anyone have troubles with paranoia even with their antipsychotic meds? I guess i have a low grade paranoia but it makes for such distress in life. I think people doing things to confuse me all the time. I spend all my time trying to figure out what things mean. Constantly asking myself, is this real or my imagination playing a trick on me? and can't trust anyone, the girl at the bank trying to cheat me, my friends deliberately muffling messages, don't trust the seals on envelopes. Does this sound like a need for increase of my zyprexa? or is this low grade paranoia something we all have to live with? i appreciate your opinions. thank you.\"\n \nI frequently findmyself obsessing over everything.  My current phobia is pretty much me being so paranoid and afraid of getting introuble with the law that I begin to think every car around me is a cop.  I also think that whenever I do party a little bit, that people are out to set me up/ entrap me. (I think this stems from being afraid of not getting a good job if I get something nasty on my criminal history, and I can't stop obsessing over it).  It's getting out of hand, and the first description fits me pretty well as well.    I am constantly thinking people are judging whenever there are people chatting and I hear just a few words I automatically link it to my life and get really uncomfortable and paranoid to the point where I can convince myself that they are talking about me.  I am probably just being insecure, but I always have intrusive thoughts like this.  I also have thoughts when I'm in the store or at someones house, that people are trying to catch me stealing?  I have no intentions to steal, I don't have enough balls to do that.  \n\nI'm not sure what to do about this, I genuinely hope I am NOT schizophrenic.  All of this stems from being insecure though and afraid of conflict regarding these taboo subjects, so my mind is always thinking of a defence mechanism for each little stupid scenerio that could possibly happen.\n\nWhat is wrong with me?", "answer": "You're not psychotic - you have too much insight. Anxiety, though, is through the roof.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kfc1s", "comment_id": "dbnis6n"}, {"question": "Combination of paracetamol and anti hypertensives", "description": "Hello, \n\nI am male, 32 years. I am on bisoprolol and perindopril. Can I safely use paracetamol for high fever?", "answer": "Yes, although depending on how high the fever and what other symptoms you have you may want to seek medical attention.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ef5wjc", "comment_id": "fbyiji7"}, {"question": "Very sensitive to death scenes in movies", "description": "No idea if I should be posting this here or what so please let me know if I should delete and post somehwere else.\n\nAs i've gotten older (34M), i've become more and more sensitive to death in tv and movies. Especially violent ones. I become super empathetic and find myself horrified with the experience, often in tears.\n\nI've never served in the army, I have a pretty boring life. I have developed a fear of having a violent death. Not sure where to go with this. Looking for advice. ", "answer": "Nothing wrong with that. Might want to change your viewing habits. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fns1w", "comment_id": "dijkspi"}, {"question": "Subclinical Hypothyroidism - 5.24 - should levothyroxine be prescribed/taken?", "description": "TSH level - 5.24\n\nGP prescribed levothyroxine (0.025mg).\n\nExperienced sinus infection and took antibiotics, after had fatigue. Did bloodwork and iron was very low - so taking FeraMax 150 daily.\n\nDo not have typical symptoms of hypothyroidism - no sentisivity to cold (actually experiencing sensitivity to heat), no weight gain,etc. But GP said to take levothyroxine due to fatigue (which could be caused by the low iron). (Another DR at clinic said he would not have prescribed levothyroxine since the TSH result could be a \u201cblip\u201d.)\n\nAfter taking levothyroxine for about 40 days, there is no improvement with fatigue (still off and on). Will speak to GP again in a week (on break) but she said to wait for an appointment with a specialist (in Aug.) to decide whether to continue taking levothyroxine.\n\nThis is confusing. Should levothyroxine have been prescribed? And can medication be stopped after 40 days to check to see whether the elevated TSH reading was in fact, a blip?\n\nAny feedback would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Unless thyroid hormone levels (usually free T4, sometimes free T3) were checked and low, a slightly elevated TSH is not hypothyroidism and there's no reason to treat it. There's probably no harm in a very low dose of levothyroxine either, but it's not going to fix fatigue that isn't caused by hypothyroidism in the first place.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gy1kqp", "comment_id": "ft8kv5n"}, {"question": "Serious Blue Balls", "description": "My girlfriend of 5 years and I are having a fight right now, and I need help. \n\nAbout 6 times now within the past couple months, we've gotten frisky at my apartment. It gets about as far as a handjob before she randomly calls it quits and decides she wants to go home instead. \n\nI tried talking to her about it, I've tried telling her how uncomfortable it makes me, and we've had these talks repeatedly. \n\nJust today, she did it again and we started fighting. I was only disappointed at first and told her she could go home if she wanted, but then she got pissed at me for not being perfectly happy about the situation? She then went on to blame me for the entire thing, saying that I shouldn't have engaged in the foreplay with her then. \n\nWhat should I do? I'm frustrated at being blueballed repeatedly, annoyed at being blamed for it, and admittedly a bit pissed that she ignores every talk we have discussing this problem. Do I have any options here?", "answer": "talk about your expectations of what sex should be; if you can't get on the same page, you're not compatible", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3re3", "comment_id": "ddz4d4v"}, {"question": "Therapy isn't working. ", "description": "Seem to be spending a lot of time in this subreddit lately. Possibly not a good thing. Anyway, as you may have guessed, therapy isn't working. I spent years pretending to be perfectly fine, doing everything I could to distract everyone else and myself from what was happening inside my head. Did a pretty good job, too, honestly. Then I ended up in Italy and barely able to leave my room I was so down and the frustration at not being able to enjoy my time abroad finally won out over my all-encompassing need for self-reliance. \n\nThat was about six months ago. Now I am back in the States and still in therapy and on medication and completely suicidal. The only reason I haven't done it yet is I know what it would do to my family and I feel so selfish when I think about that. But it's all I can think about. I'm pretty much a shut-in right now; I watch TV, I browse reddit, sometimes (gasp!) I go to the grocery store. I know staying in all the time is making it worse, giving me more time to think about how much I hate myself. I could volunteer somewhere, I could go running, I could do something. But thinking about voluntarily interacting with other people is physically painful. Basically, I hate myself too much to hold a conversation. The effort required to be polite to cashiers and bus drivers is monumental. \n\nMy therapist's advice, when I tell her I'm suicidal? Try not to think about it. Just try to do something. Just try. And it makes me want to scream, like what the fuck was I doing all those years I wasn't in therapy? I'm sick of fucking trying; it never got me anything but sleeplessness and social anxiety. \n\nSo... I don't know what the point of this is. I know you're all going through your own shit. But I'm reaching the end of the proverbial rope, here. ", "answer": "Get another therapist. If you're thinking about offing yourself- go to a hospital", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "vnwyw", "comment_id": "c56in4u"}, {"question": "Need some support right now", "description": "Hey guys just needing some guidance right now. I'm one year clean from opiates/benzo's and very proud of myself for that. Lately the past month though I've been having some crazy Xanax cravings. I've always been an anxious guy my whole life and actually had a script for Xanax awhile back. I have no connections anymore so it's not possible for me to score any as of now but I just constantly think about them. I would kill to take 2 mg and slip into oblivion for awhile and just feel free of anxiety. It's driving me nuts though. I know I cannot slip up since it's pretty much impossible but it's seriously taking a toll on my mental stability. I just recently found this subreddit and thought I'd post and see if I can get any responses. Thanks for listening guys! ", "answer": "Did you recently celebrate 1 year? I often get itchy around milestones, once I realized that was why and that it would pass it made it much easier to deal with.\n\nWhat do you enjoy doing in sobriety? Any activities that can distract you until this feeling passes? Got any meetings to go to or supportive friends to hang out with?", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "4pupis", "comment_id": "d4o0gnq"}, {"question": "Stomach discomfort after drinking alcohol?", "description": "Hey all, I'm female in her early 20s, around 100 lbs. This has been a question that's been on my mind for a while, and it's happening again right now so I thought it'd be a good time to ask. \n\nWhenever I drink, I'll start feeling some discomfort in my stomach. It feels a bit tight? I haven't been able to really measure the amount of alcohol that I have to ingest for this to start happening, but it doesn't take much. I've seen similar posts regarding this but they've all mentioned pain, so I thought I should emphasize that there's NO pain involved. It's just an all-around uncomfortable feeling that I can't really ignore. This started ~1 year ago, so it hasn't always been like this. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Does it feel like indigestion or heartburn, or different from that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5wsr", "comment_id": "dl2m3d5"}, {"question": "Anxiety attacks brought on by sound? 28, F, 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue, no current medical problems or medications", "description": "I know this sounds crazy but for the longest time I have always had an issue with sounds. For example, I cannot stand the sound of another person eating near me. It makes me feel like I\u2019m going to explode inside and I get really irritable. It\u2019s affecting my home life but it\u2019s uncontrollable. The same thing happens when I hear pencils writing on paper. Also when there is too much noise in one place (tv on, music in background, kids on phone..all at one time) I have full blown anxiety attacks and have to leave. Is something wrong with me? I feel like I should just be able to stop myself from getting so irritated but it\u2019s like instant and uncontrollable irritation as soon as I\u2019m in any of these situations. \n\nI am a healthy 28yo F with no medical issues. 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue for as long as I can remember but seems to be getting worse.", "answer": "You're not alone, and this happens enough that there's a term for it, misophonia, although it's not a standardized diagnosis. There's also little clear guidance on what to do about it. It's possible that therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help you manage the overwhelming reaction, but nobody really knows.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cwkjbr", "comment_id": "eyceb0q"}, {"question": "Could my therapist refer me elsewhere if I tell him about my transference?", "description": "I'm really ashamed, and uncertain about my feelings towards my therapist. Lately, since I began seeing him, I've made some good progress. But I also get this bad feeling in my gut, like the butterflies in my stomach before I see him. At first I thought it was just anxiety, but lately I've been thinking I may have some romantic/inappropriate feelings towards him. That of which I'm obviously not comfortable with, nor do I even want to address.\n\nHowever, I've been reading that it's completely normal and common in patients to experience transference. Even if this is true, I'm still embarrassed, and I'm actually afraid if I tell him, he may be uncomfortable, or feel it's better that I find another therapist so that this doesn't get in the way of the professional nature of the therapy. Overall my question is, can he refer me to someone else if I tell him this and he doesn't take it well? If so, then I'm contemplating not telling him at all, because I don't want to risk losing the progress I'm making, yet at the same time I feel inclined to tell him because they're somewhat intrusive thoughts and gnawing at my mind.\n\nI know I'm not in love with him, but I just feel guilty for even thinking about him in that way, and like I should just keep it to myself. Can someone please help throw in their 2 cents?\n\nEdited: for wrong there/their.", "answer": "Do you think you can work through it until it passes? Do some work on your own to sort of talk yourself down? \n\nIt can be common if the therapist is of the gender you\u2019re normally attracted to.  I suppose it can still be a different kind of attachment when they are a gender you\u2019re not attracted to romantically and may manifest more as seeing them like a parent, sibling, or close friend. While we don\u2019t worry as much when it\u2019s a feeling like the latter, we do when it feels like romantic feelings. \n\nAn idea might be to journal or think on what it is that is the attraction. Is it because they are kind, empathetic, genuine, supportive etc? Those are all the things we want in a SO right? They are good qualities! If the T is attractive then even more so may we find ourselves attracted in this romantic way....finally a good quality human who does all the things we could hope for. They listen, they support, they care. Sometimes the knowing we can\u2019t have them can intensify this (the old wanting what we can\u2019t have). Try to remind yourself they are human and have flaws you don\u2019t know about. Maybe they are really messy and leave their underwear all over the house, maybe they get really grumpy when they don\u2019t have their way, or maybe they survive off chocolate milk and Cheetos that they eat while sitting in their briefs watching some awful show that you would never watch in a million years lol idk just coming up with random things. Point being maybe thinking of qualities they are missing that you would want in a SO or make up your own not so attractive qualities they might have that would be a turn off (yet not lead you to lose all respect for them as a therapist lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epciq6", "comment_id": "feiv06g"}, {"question": "Can medication make you gain weight, or stop losing weight (staying same weight despite undereating) for reasons other than increasing appetite?", "description": "Edited to add: I know I have an eating disorder and that this is dangerous. I\u2019ve lost a lot of weight quickly, but I\u2019m still overweight. I am seeking help from a whole team (psychiatrist, counsellor, my gp, and I have to see a dietician) of people, but it\u2019s early days. My post is basically about why I would have a stall in weight loss when still eating a lot less than I burn. How does that work? Why does it happen and what\u2019s the science? Isn\u2019t just calories in vs calories out? \n\nFemale/in my 20s/100kg/178cm/white \n\nMeds:\n-  escitalopram 20mg for a few months\n\n- recently in last 2 weeks started Neaulactil (periciazine) 2.5mg twice a day after less than a week of mirtzapine (came off due to worry about weight gain. Psychiatrist said periciazine is not known for weight gain...but now I\u2019m not sure). \n\nAll newer meds happened within last 2 weeks since I started getting further help for anxiety and help for my recently diagnosed eating disorder. \n\nMedical; \n\nDiabetes type 2/hypertension now managed with lifestyle\n\nDepression/anxiety\n\nAtypical anorexia nervosa (lost over 100lbs since August through restriction. Recently started purging too - don\u2019t know if relevant). \n\nI\u2019m on new meds and my weight has stayed the same for 2.5 weeks, fluctuating the same kg. \n\nI\u2019ve had a few days of eating more than usual, but still never over my BMR and I\u2019ve only eaten over 1200 once, which is very unusual for me. My limit is 399 calories a day, but I\u2019ve probably averaged 700 a day last few weeks, which is a lot for me. But I have been exercising it off. \n\nWhy has my weight stopped coming off? It\u2019s happened before, but it felt different and it started losing again after like 1.5 weeks, and it didn\u2019t fluctuate this much. \n\nI\u2019ve never had water weight cause this. Logically it must mean I\u2019m eating at my BMR right? But I\u2019m not. I obsessively track everything I eat. The meds have caused an appetite increase I think, and I\u2019ve had days I\u2019ve eaten more than usual, but still under 1200 except for 1 day. And that\u2019s just a few days out of the last 2 weeks. And I exercise and track calories burned, with leeway as I know fitbits aren\u2019t super Accurate. \n\nI know of starvation mode and all that Jazz...could that be what\u2019s finally happening? \n\nI\u2019m freaking out, if it\u2019s not obvious. I do see a psychiatrist (just started seeing them after doctor was concerned) and already see a psychologist who knows all my eating stuff, and I\u2019ll talk to them this week. But now I\u2019m not losing weight I\u2019m paranoid  everyone will think I\u2019m faking the eating disorder and eating more than I\u2019ve said. I didn\u2019t even want the help that much, my doctor wanted me too. But now they\u2019ll think I\u2019m a liar. \n\nanyway, Any potential reasons for this? Obviously it\u2019s coincided  with the new meds, so im guessing they\u2019re the culprit. But why? And how? \n\nI\u2019ve considered water weight and starvation mode, in just not convinced of either. But advice appreciated.", "answer": "Obviously discussing this with your caregivers is the best advice I can give.It seems to me your anxiety is the real enemy here, not your weight.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7yyuo", "comment_id": "fihhvi1"}, {"question": "My live-in boyfriend [29/m] and I [26/f] are currently on a break.", "description": "Be warned, this is my first time ever on reddit. I'll give a baby summary of whats going on and some points so it's not a big ass story. \n\nWe've been together 8 years and I never thought this would happen.\nIt literally came out of nowhere. We just got back from a really nice trip and we're making plans for the next ones. \n\nUltimately it was his insecurities that prompted me to bring up the idea of a break.It just seemed to play out so fast. We started the conversation in our house together on Friday and I'm already sleeping at my parents house Sunday.\n \n- I'm his only partner, ever. He's curious but swears he'd never cheat (I believe him wholeheartedly on this). \n\n- We've never really had a chance to be individuals or independent. \n\n- We have sex almost everyday and it's amazing about 93% of the time, the other 7% is good. No complaints in that department.\n\n- We get along amazingly. No massive fights, we have a lot of fun, we go on adventures. I thought we were both happy.\n\n- I am dependent on him in a lot of ways, but he is to me as well. I cook, I clean, I do everything around the house. I feel like his mother... he feels like that too. But he makes the money, I make peanuts compared to him.  \n\n- He may not want babies or marriage and I've always wanted both. However this last year \n\n- He can't see the future for us, or even himself. He feels so lost he doesn't even know what he wants in life. I see our future but not really goals for myself. \n\n- We're trying to find \"ourselves\" this week. I think he wants more than a week to figure his stuff out but we live together so I don't know how we could manage that. \n\n- We still love each other, and care about each other. A lot. \n\nHas anyone gone through this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel. I need some stories!\n", "answer": "ground rules. one month tops. no dating. make a contact schedule in the meantime.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k034", "comment_id": "dgzfo9f"}, {"question": "Can I see the same therapist as a close friend?", "description": "My friend Sara has been seeing her therapist, Caty, for a year now. If you look at my last post, my friend Sara was statutorily raped by her step brother, Landon, and I was the one who reached out and told Sara's mother on her behalf. \n\nOnce it was out in the open, she told her therapist about it and her therapist reported it. \n\nNow, i'm having a hard time dealing with things because Landon's family is blaming me for reporting it, when I didn't. I simply told Sara's mother, because she ASKED me to. Caty, the therapist, is the one who reported it.\n\nTo start over with a new therapist who doesn't know all of this information would take multiple sessions. But Caty knows all the parts of this story, she is involved. Am I allowed to schedule a session with her and talk about these things?", "answer": "Allowed? Yes. Sara's therapist may not want to schedule this appointment (as mentioned in another comment). However, I think considering this context it may make a lot of sense if she did.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blus32", "comment_id": "emrkx16"}, {"question": "Why do I have trouble socializing for long periods of time?", "description": "I dunno, after awhile lately I just kinda seem to tap out. Like recently at a friends party I was originally gonna spend the night (which was never a problem before) but like I almost wanted to cry because I needed to leave it was so bad.\nToday I hosted a Christmas party and it happened again. The party was only from 5pm-10pm but still, around 8, I started to tap out and I just wasn\u2019t feeling it anymore, and by 9:30-ish I just kept hoping everyone would just leave. \nI wasn\u2019t having a bad time either of these occasions, I just stopped being able to handle it after awhile. I\u2019m not sure why this has been happening... I\u2019ve noticed it at a lot of family get togethers, too. This is all new, I\u2019ve never had this problem before...\n", "answer": "Could indeed have multiple reasons, but I get the sense that people who feel this really intensely tend to not \"just be introverted\", but actually suffer from self-image / esteem issues, where they are constantly making an effort to figure out how to behave in that situation or with certain people, instead of just being themselves as they are in that moment. Of course, this is very tiring, and makes you feel like tapping out after a while.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7kcoto", "comment_id": "dregu7f"}, {"question": "Asking people for help finding a job. ", "description": "Not sure if this is the right subreddit. Is there a Career Skills subreddit? Anyway, it's social enough. \n\nTwo years I had a college internship with a company. I am facebook friends with some of my co-workers, but I haven't kept in touch aside from generic \"Happy Birthday\" posts and the occasional like. \n\nI don't know how to approach my friends looking for work. I've hardly talked to them in a long time. I know they'd remember me, but I feel weird just being \"Hey, now that I'm done with college, can I have a job?\"\n\nCompany background: It was one of many owned by a larger family of companies. Anyway, the business I worked for shut down, but many of my former co-workers are at a sister company owned by the same larger group, while some are at other businesses in the same industry. \n\n", "answer": "You might want to add in a friendly overture in addition to asking for a job. Ie \"Blah blah blah can you help me get a job? Regardless, would you be up for getting lunch sometime?\" That way your job request seems more friendly, and as a bonus if you do end up working there you've made a friend :)\n\nOf course, only do this if you actually want to spend time with the person socially. If you hate the thought of hanging out with them, they'll probably sense your insincerity and that will torpedo your chances of them recommending you for a job.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "v8q9g", "comment_id": "c52gyec"}, {"question": "\"Going to rehab is a total admittance of failure.\"", "description": "Two days ago I recieved the results of my latest blood test.\r\rI had my 19th Birthday on May 13th.\r\r\rThe results of my blood tests have shown that my liver is going into failure.\rI drink (on average) 600ml of vodka everyday (I also \"overdose\" on codeine-based painkillers, smoke cannabis daily, and induce vomiting at least once on a daily basis.\r\rTonight I was talking to my boyfriend about he prospect of me going into rehab for a few weeks. I'm 19 years of age, and I know that I have so much potential, but my SO thinks that going to rehab is confirmation that I am, in fact, a failure.\r\rWhat do I do?", "answer": "That's one way to frame it.  There is another way to frame it and its your choice to decide which perspective will serve you better.  In today's paper it was reported that researchers have found a group of 11 genes that predict risk of alcoholism.  Apparently its now proven that there is a inherited component for alcoholism.  Instead of saying you are a failure you can say that you've been dealt a bad hand and now its time to play that hand as best you can.  Getting medical help for a medical condition makes sense.  You could say that diabetics are failures as organisms too, but does saying that help them lead comfortable lives? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2664or", "comment_id": "choar5v"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [25M] is unsure of his feelings", "description": "Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Everything was great, he said he loves me but one thing bothers me. He is a distant person, he told me many times. He's not showing me affection. Yesterday we talked and i told him that it bothers me. Suddenly he started to question everything. He said maybe he doesn't know what love means and that's why he is so cold. That maybe he doesn't love me if i have to remind him about my needs. He also said that he was hurt in the past but talking about it is not an option. He wants me to give him time to think about it but to be honest it hurts to much. I love him very much but dont know if i can wait. I feel like every i love you was a lie and i dont know how to handle this. He calls me and asks how i'm feeling but when i try to talk about the issue he says he feels pressured and trapped. Also he thinks i'm over reacting, but when i asked him of he wants to break up he gets mad and doesn't want to talk.\n\n**tl;dr** i don't know what to do", "answer": "after eight months, he should know. this doesn't bode well for a future i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bi5d3", "comment_id": "dhmsgqi"}, {"question": "I'm [26/m] with my girlfriend [23/f] disagreeing on some part of a relationships", "description": "My girlfriend and I are not seeing eye to eye on a relationship. My girlfriend think that in a relationship it should be always us and when an individual think about wanting to do something, he/she should include us.\n\nMeanwhile, sometimes, I might want to do something with the guys or travel on my own without my girlfriend. I don't see it selfish, but for me it doesn't have to be us 24/7.\n\nAm I seeing it wrong here or do I have a point?", "answer": "most couples have a balance between time together and time apart", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64wiwz", "comment_id": "dg5ng5e"}, {"question": "Reddit, how do I meet my future husband in 2017?", "description": "Hello! 22 year old lady, I'll be 23 this Saturday!! \n\nThroughout my short life, I have called off my wedding due to the discovery of cheating and I just ended my last relationship because, again, of cheating. \n\nIt seems nearly impossible to find \"the one\" this day in age. Let me make it clear that I believe you can have an amazing relationship with more than one person, not just \"one.\" \n\nI have tried free online dating and either got catfished or wasn't interested in the other people. I think it's crazy to waste hard earned dollars for a chance of finding love, eharmony can't guarantee that. Besides, I just got my Bachelor's. The student loans are going to drain me. \n\nMy friends and family don't seem to know anyone they could introduce to me, which seems crazy since that is how people met back in the day. \n\nI'm really not that hard to get along with! I prefer pajamas and video games over fancy restaurants any day. I prefer getting flower seeds over real flowers. \n\nI'm also 5'2 and a natural redhead. I can't be that intimidating! \n\nSo, how can I meet my future husband in 2017? :) ", "answer": "Have conversations with as many men as you possibly can....dating sites, social/recreational activities, etc.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67m1we", "comment_id": "dgrpbe9"}, {"question": "Need advice- toxic relationship, or over analysing?", "description": "I've [27F] been with my parter [27M] since 20yo, and was very damaged and insecure at 20. I'm now much more confident and starting to see some elements in him that concern me. Am I being overly picky? We've talked openly about how he knows he scores highly on the 'dark triad', has high capacity for manipulation, but he tries to lead a moral life. He usually does, more than others I know, much to his credit. But he's said that if he was with a weaker woman,he would just get bored and manipulate her, making her feel that she was never good enough despite her doing everything for him. When he is really tired, he looks to upset me- not hugely, because I'll get irritated enough to have a fight (he hates conflict outright) by enough to know I'm hurt. He is also not genuinely happy (I feel) when I achieve something. My career is challenging, while he's stagnated. He's going to university this year, and wants to beat all my high marks 'so I will be proud of him', but that feels 'off' to me. Hes also quite critical at times, to the point where I feel he thinks I can't do anything right. He's suffering from depression, and getting help now, but I've had this uneasy fear for a while now. Usually he's lovely, caring, shares housework, is supportive of my career, but these dark spots worry me because what will he be like if I can no longer leave easily? Ie pregnant/have kids etc. I guess since it's my first/only long term relationship, I don't have any perspective. Please be gentle, it's my first post, fake account. ", "answer": "sounds like he's bogged down within himself. he should see a therapist, and when his depression subsides, re-evaluate. 'dark triad' is something a professional should diagnose", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v44t6", "comment_id": "ddz40zs"}, {"question": "[59/f] behind confused about my ex boyfriend [64/m] and how to be free of him", "description": " I broke up with bf a month ago. We've broken up a few times before over what I believe were lies about his finances. He has very little assets and is finding a new job after losing a job a month ago. Either way he won't be making much. I have saved a fair amount from working all my life and have a nice home. He kept on reaching out to me to reconcile and tells me he wants to marry as soon as he gets a job. I still care for him but scared to death I'll need to support him and I already have 2 kids I'm supporting (I'm a widow). He thinks I should be telling my family we are back together even though we really aren't other than his insistence for me to meet him for coffee 1 or 2 times per week. He wants to know my whereabouts all the time and thinks I should wait for him to become employed again. Should I run in the other direction? If I don't will I regret it?", "answer": "Lies about finances are a bad sign. You have to decide if you love him enough to carry the financial load the rest of your life. At our age, anything can happen, and usually does......so he could get a great job but get sick. Or you could. You never know. That's why i would base it on the quality of the relationship and his overall decency and integrity as a human being.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqcxb", "comment_id": "dj8ew1u"}, {"question": "Why in the world is the company Better Help sharing your Online Therapy Data With Facebook?", "description": "I just finished reading this article, \"[The Spooky, Loosely Regulated World of Online Therapy](https://jezebel.com/the-spooky-loosely-regulated-world-of-online-therapy-1841791137)\" on Jezebel. Turns out Better Help shares all kinds of personal data including data on your therapy sessions with companies like Facebook. When asked they brushed it off as standard practice. Seems like Better Help is very happy to monetize vulnerability while acting like it cares. Just a word of caution: Many of these mental health apps have dodgy privacy policies and are usually founded by people that have no business running mental health company. They have very cynical views of privacy laws and everything is a monetizable activity including sharing your innermost feelings to 3rd parties wanting to sell you advertisements. Caveat Emptor!", "answer": "Therapist here. \n\nThose types of companies have been a bit of a mess for a while. From the professional side of things I've heard horror stories.\n\nFriendly reminder while this is here: there are lots of private therapists who offer online sessions outside of a service like BetterHelp. Always feel free to ask any prospective counselors you talk to if they offer online services.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f7f7jk", "comment_id": "fib4sve"}, {"question": "Are full blown hallucinations where you lose complete touch with reality a real thing? I have a friend who claims they get these but I\u2019m weary.", "description": "I started talking to this person in the summer. She has a lot of mental health issues and not many friends and I became someone that she can talk to whenever she needs. She can tell me anything and vent whenever she wants. I know she has some legitimate issues but some things she tells me don\u2019t seem real and seem to be made up for attention. She claims to be schizophrenic and have psychotic episodes. But she told me that sometimes she has hallucinations where she loses complete touch with reality. She\u2019ll be sitting in school and all of the sudden she\u2019s in another state with a man chasing her trying to kill her. Crazy, outlandish stories like that. And I\u2019m just not sure if things like that exist. This might be the wrong sub but I\u2019d appreciate it if anyone can let me know. Thank you!", "answer": "As someone who has worked with plenty of folks with Psychotic Disorders, this type of thing does exist, but is pretty rare.  \n\n\nFor most folks with severe Schizophrenia, auditory hallucinations are the most common along with a set a strange delusions (ie. I'm actually an angel sent from God, the government is broadcasting signals to me, etc.).  Vivid visual hallucinations are extremely rare unless there is also some drug use involved.  \n\n\nFor the most part, Schizophrenia doesn't really hit folks until late teens early adulthood.  For men, generally late teens-early 20's.  For women it's generally in early to mid-20's.  \n\n\nWhat your friend is describing sounds like it could either be an overactive imagination or some type of flashback or dissociative episode that happens to folks who have experienced some trauma in their lives.  \n\n\nI can't/won't give any type of diagnosis or anything like that based off of a Reddit post, but these types of things are possible, though fairly rare.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bbg19x", "comment_id": "ekkd2qn"}, {"question": "I don't want to be a narcissist.", "description": "3 years ago, I was very insecure and shy. I hated myself and I tried to become a better me\n\nI made the effort to do as I'd wish and within **a year**, my insecurity deminished so fast.\n\nI'm loving myself like no other could, and I wouldn't trade my physical and mental/social state for anything and anyone else.\n\nThe problem is, I notice i'm loving myself *too much*, and I tried to consider that fact false. However, i've notice that it's becoming a problem to my friends. And I want to avoid conflicts.\n\nHow can I calm my pride without using negativity on my emotions? ", "answer": "Maybe your self love isn't the problem but the way you express it to others. Your friends would have the best information. Do you trust any of them to give you honest feedback about what they don't like. Also it is entirely possible that they are jealous of you. Not sure which. Just my thoughts. \n\nOh and the fact that you're worrying about being a narcissist is already good for you. Not many narcissist would even have the awareness or ego strength to ask what you just did. So props. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72i4q2", "comment_id": "dniprku"}, {"question": "Feeling such peace", "description": "I have a success story. Hopefully you guys will appreciate it.\nFirst, some background. I come from a sheltered family that mostly kept to themselves. I had friends all growing up but I struggled with socializing in general and mild social anxiety. \n\nFor many years I've been actively working on improving myself and becoming a healthier person overall. I feel like I'm in a good place with it right now.\n\nThe last few weeks have had quite a few ups and downs, one involving a romantic interest. Long story short, we like each other but she's moving away. \n\nI was feeling bummed about it but decided to continue to go out and be social. My outlet is to participate in running meetups. \n\nThis Thursday I was chatting with someone and they ended up inviting me to a Gluehweinparty (German mild wine I guess, I don't drink)\n\nI thought about it and even drove there. I was close to just turning around and leaving, worried about fitting in with people that were going to be drinking. But, I told myself \"you're doing this, you can leave early if you want to, and no matter how it turns out, I can go home and play video games if I want.\"\n\nI walk inside and immediately introduce myself to the host. He seems like a friendly person and genuinely nice. I continued to introduce myself to people and join conversations throughout the night. There were probably 50 or 60 people that showed up at one point or another. I ended up staying wayyy longer than I thought I was going to because I was just so engaged. \n\nI met and had quality conversations with at least 5 or 6 people. One was a Brazilian that I spoke Portuguese with. After our conversation she came back dragging another guy, came up to me and said \"You have to meet this guy, he served his mission in Brazil too!\" I was ecstatic. \n\nI even met someone that could be another potential romantic interest. Good things all around.\n\nThat was last night. All of today, I felt like I was riding on a small high. Like my level of overall happiness had gone up a notch. I finally felt like I belonged. I've struggled with socializing in those kinds of situations, so it was a satisfying victory. I felt connected with people, made friends and felt like I was part of the group. \n\n\n\nI feel content. \n\n\n\nThanks for listening.", "answer": "I always always always dread going out and actively avoid making plans/have a book of excuses waiting to go. I want to stay inside, in my sweats, under a blanket, disassociating away on the internet. This feels so safe and comfortable to me but it makes me miserable. Misery is comfortable. Misery is magnetic.\n\nEvery time I force myself to go out I always have a great time and feel a boost of self esteem after. My problems look smaller, more manageable, and I feel motivated to keep pushing myself forward. That misery always calls for me the next day, though. It\u2019s a constant battle.\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a2biz4", "comment_id": "eaxgc57"}, {"question": "How do I deal with my job?", "description": "So, I need 20 hours of community service to get into this really nice school. I had to choose between helping baby birds or volunteering at a nursing home. I chose the nursing home, but I truly regret that decision.\n\nFor starters, the people who work their are very gruff and rude. There are a few diamonds in the rough, but the jerks are far more common. Next off, it's a huge place, and we don't have maps. I've gotten lost more times than I can count, and I usually get scolded for it. \n\nSome of the residents are very rude. I understand that many of them have mental issues, but I just can't take it. One of them had to use the restroom. This was my first day, so I had to ask for directions. I was directed to the nurses station and told they'd handle it from there. As I'm taking her there and explaining what I'm doing, she snaps. She starts shouting at me and calling me names. I just continued and wheeled her to the station, but I had to fight back tears.\n\nIt's very hot in there, and the fact that we can't sit down and are constantly moving doesn't help.\n\nThere's also the fact that we have to talk to the residents. I push through it and try to be as relaxed and kind as I can, but inside I'm freaking out.\n\nI can't quit. I need the 20 hours, and the bird thing is already over with. Do you guys have any advice?", "answer": "I worked for 2.5 years in a place like that.  I kept sane by telling myself that it would be over someday, and low and behold, it is over.\n\nSometimes you just have to dive head first into something miserable and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "w0gzf", "comment_id": "c596b2d"}, {"question": "My gf just broke up with me last night super abruptly, I'm pretty confused.", "description": "So first off, we're in a long distance relationship but it was only till this coming April, we had plans to meet up and see where things went. I went to work yesterday and everything was great, she passed her test that day and said she was going to take a nap at home so she wouldn't pass out on me later that night after I got off work. So that time comes, I get home and am ready for the nightly rituals, hang out with her and play her favorite game, but instead I was met with her telling me that the distance was getting to her and the fact she couldn't be near me had her depressed to the point of not eating. She ended the relationship, I let her know that if she needed space I would give it to her. I'm at work now and can't hardly get in the space of mind to be productive. She unfriended me on all games and social media and hardly will talk to me so yeah, it was so sudden, everything was absolutely amazing before last night, we were best friends. She has severe depression way far passed mine I just wanted some opinions, I'm trying my hardest to not jump to any conclusion. I'm just hurt, we had a damn near perfect friendship. ", "answer": "If someone has severe depression, then nothing is going to go well in their life until they feel better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swkh8", "comment_id": "ddihr5t"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "DBT (dialectical behavior therapy \u2014 developed by Marsha Linehan) is a very effective therapy. It\u2019s helps quickly with impulse-control (especially self-harm). A variety of medications can help with symptoms. But the gold standard treatment is DBT.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eon26g2"}, {"question": "Alcohol and arrhythmia?", "description": "21 f, 5'9, 125 lbs, very healthy and exercise a ton. I have high blood pressure which is being investigated, as well as pretty incessant atrial tachycardia.\n\nI recently turned 21, so I've been drinking more... and I noticed that whenever I drink, I wake up in the middle of the night with a much worse racing heart? It only has to be like 1-2 drinks and it happens. I make sure to drink plenty of water, so I don't think that I get dehydrated and I don't really understand. Can alcohol cause my arrhythmia to get worse? If so, how? Or is this somehow related to high blood pressure? My doctor never mentioned anything about alcohol to me.", "answer": "There's a phenomenon given the name \"holiday heart\" where significant drinking can cause or worsen arrhythmia. So yes, alcohol can do this regularly enough to get a name for it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fjuq5", "comment_id": "dy4bvfw"}, {"question": "Random, but I'm interested in who you guys are outside of Borderline. How would you describe yourself, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, what do you look like, etc.?", "description": "Sometimes I let BPD define me entirely, but I know I am more than that and I know you guys are too :) Definitely curious to hear about your lives. Feel free to post photos of yourself, your pets, etc. \n\nEdit: Thank you so much for the gold! I really, really love reading about fellow Borderlines who are doing amazing things with their lives (being a mother/father, volunteering and giving back to the community, working as a nurse, working as a firefighter, going to school, writing, managing everyday life, etc.), especially when our mental illness is so heavily stigmatized and demonized by society. ", "answer": "I'm a 27 yo male. I am a marriage and family therapist and I work with kids that have intense psychiatric disorders, and their families. I fucking love it, and going through that helped me learn more about myself and who I am. Aside from that I'm moving in with my girlfriend in a few weeks and it's pretty stressful looking for a place. I have a cat, named Rusty Venture, and he's my special boy. I have two best friends I've know  since I was 5 and 7 that are my real Family. Fuck I feel boring as fuck. \n\nI love video games, tabletop gaming, binging TV shows like Lost and masterchef Jr. I wanna get back into dnd but no one wants to play with me. I listen to chillwave sort of music, like washed out and toro y moi. My favorite movie is Labyrinth, but it's a close tie with Brick. My name is Daniel. I look like this http://imgur.com/hcUDLxe", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3v2qdx", "comment_id": "cxk158o"}, {"question": "Friend offered me her grinder and I have no idea what to make if it", "description": "We\u2019re in college and decided to hang out and smoke one more time before I leave (thanks covid-19). When I got to her place, she offered to give me one of her two grinders. I think I forgot to directly ask why lol. I couldn\u2019t take it, I felt too bad, but yeah I\u2019m just confused as to why someone would give away one of their grinders for free. This might be a dumb post sry. I keep thinking about it though, and how nice it was of her to offer. What do I make of this? And yes, I do plan on directly asking her sometime.", "answer": "I\u2019ve given away tons of stuff. Part of it is decluttering, part of it is a kind gesture.\n\nWhen I quit smoking, I gave it all away", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "fng4nn", "comment_id": "fl9uxgp"}, {"question": "We do we pussyfoot around AA?", "description": "There are many roads to recovery.  There is AA, SMART, SOS, Women in Sobriety, LifeRing, numerous cognitive behavioural methods. Some people stop on their own.  Some people use harm reduction.  Some people don't give a fuck.\n\nYet it seems in these recovery forums that we are ever so fucking careful about offending AA members.\n\nIt is obvious from reading any random sampling of these posts that a great many people have problems with the spiritual/religious nature of AA.\n\nThis reddit is called */r/stopdrinking* not *stoppedrinking* nor *stoppedusingAAtonotdrink\".  \n  \nIt is a place where people who have alcohol abuse issues come for answers.  \n  \nInevitably when people come to this forum there will be an AA member that will speak up for going to a meeting, etc, etc.  \n  \nThey have held the field for a quite awhile.  \n  \nBut that doesn't mean it has to be ceded to them.  \n  \nWhile I find AA can be useful for *very short term* sobriety - say 30-60 days.  It is  harmful for periods beyond that.  Unless you are prepared to accept *wholesale* the implicit implications found in the meetings, the steps, and the literature.  \n  \nSure there are those, like AA Agnostica and various other offshoots who say that the whole **Higher Power/God** business is overblown. They spend their time retrofitting their beliefs to the AA message.  Why they can't say that the AA message is flawed is beyond me.  \n  \nSo why do I bring this up.  \n  \nPerhaps it is because that not only may AA not be the answer, it may be the wrong answer.  \n  \nThere are countless numbers of people who abuse alcohol to a great degree who occasionally find themselves in situations, of their own making, that are intolerable.  During these periods, defenses are down, self-recrimination is high. So people, in their desperation reach out for answers.  They turn to reddits like this one.  \n  \nAnd the suggestions are **so** gentle: just go to a meeting, look for the similarities not the differences, find a sponsor, blah, blah, blah.  \n  \nWhat they don't get is a reasoned human being saying perhaps this is the method that you should see out.  Instead there are those with 1000s of days of sobriety who trot themselves forward as modern day AA apologists.  It could just as easily be said that those with 10+ years of sobriety were never alcoholics - much like AA claims for those who stop on their own.  \n  \nSee the thing is people wish to change their **behaviours**. AA insists that they have to change their lives. In my mind this is a complete falsehood and stems from AA's Oxford Group beginnings.  \n\nSo I put my voice out there because there are different solutions, and to take a stand against one of them is not harmful. It provides context, it provides another point of view.  It lets those who are questioning see that there is not one amorphous whole.", "answer": "This exact thread comes up with different titles and arguments which always comes to the same conclusion; disagreement. \n\nYou can't say AA may be the wrong answer because if you get sober and stay sober, in my opinion that is the right fucking answer. As you said this r/stopdrinking so whatever it may take to get a person sober is the right answer for them. \n\nAA never says anyone is not alcoholic, no where in the literature does it say that. That is not up to you, I, or Bill and Bob to decide. Neither does the literature say that AA has a monopoly on sobriety, in fact it says the opposite.\n\nI think it's safe to say, within this sub, AA is the predominately used means of getting sober, that teamed with AA's stance on fellowship means that people in AA are typically going to speak out more. If a person is deadset in AA being the only way, then that's simply not true because these other programs are proven as well. Not that you shouldn't heed their advice, but that is a naive mindset. \n\nThe whole concept of AA is built for the long term. The steps are not a 30-60 day thing. If you're only going to AA for 30-60 days you may as well involve yourself in another community based program like SMART.\n\nI don't know why I even respond to these things any more. These posts do nothing cause arguments which contribute nothing to those trying to get sober.\n\nSo, sorry everyone, I did it again.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1g3shl", "comment_id": "caggwbp"}, {"question": "I just need a little help and advice.", "description": "Lately I have been really depressed. I don't really care about anything, I have pretty much given up in at least two of my classes, I dislike going to church (baptized LDS), I was this close to breaking up with my girlfriend of exactly one year last Sunday, I am dissatisfied with my level of skill in tennis, I am lazy, disconnected with some of my friends, and apathetic. My grades are as follows and I am dissatisfied: Psychology:63% English Composition:80% Chemistry:63% Trigonometry:67% Journalism:82% US History:76%. it seems like no matter how hard i work, my trig, chem, and psych grades dont get any higher. I realize that there are people worse off than me, but i cant seem to snap out of it. help?\nOh, and I have always had a terrible problem with procrastination.", "answer": "That sounds pretty much like depression: lack of motivation, lack of interest in things you usually like, decreased academic performances.\n\nThe best thing you can do is probably to get in and discuss what's going on with a mental health professional (counselor, clinical social worker, psychologist)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sq5t2", "comment_id": "c4g1jx7"}, {"question": "I (30s/f) am trying to cut ties with my ex(40s/m).", "description": "Ok.  So I obviously made this a throwaway to protect the innocent.  I'll try to keep it concise.  I apologize in advance for the wall of text.\nI had been together with my ex for about 13 years.  I was madly in love with him for the majority of those years and I believe he felt the same way about me.  We had some really amazing times together, but we also had some of the worst moments any relationship could face.  The last 2 years had been the absolute worst.  I know I should have seen the warning signs years ago, but I was too blinded by my love for him and extremely loyal to a fault.  It started when he would embarrass me in front of my friends and family.  About 5 years in it escalated to he and I getting into a very heated argument while he was drunk and him physically attacking me.  I left him at that time for about 6 months.  He found a way to woo me back into his life, and of course, promised me it would never happen again.  Things were good for a little while.  However they slowly deteriorated once again.  We fought constantly about money and finances.  He barely kept a job the entire time we were together and would go long stretches (years) without work.  Relying on me and his parents to take care of his share of the financial responsibility.  At times he was the most loving, caring, sensitive man I had ever met...only then to do a complete 180 and turn into a monster.  I can't tell you how many times he had kicked me/locked me out of our home.  A real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  \nAnyway there is a lot more I could tell you, but I think you get the picture.  I stuck it out because I loved him and I love his son(not mine).  I had some silly hope that things would get better...but they only got worse.\nAbout a year ago he got himself wasted drunk and had a complete break.  He threw things at me, attacked me, tried to attack his son ( I was not letting that happen), just went all out crazy.  The police were called and his son, his mother ( she was visiting at the time), and I left as soon as we could to get out of his path of rage.  We made it safely out of there.  Next thing I know the cops are showing up to where we had fled informing me he had been arrested.  Let's just say he continued to get himself into trouble post us leaving the house.  \nDevastated, I take time to process everything. Being the loyal person that I am, told him I would help him in whatever way I could.  I did also make it clear to him that I could only be his friend, not his partner.  Not after what he had done to me and how he had broken his promise and my trust.  I made this clear the entire past year, but he still hung on and deluded himself into thinking we were still together.  Trust me...I made it clear we were not everytime he called me his wife.  I did have moments of hope that we might someday be able to work things out and live happily ever after...I'm not going to lie.  They were always fleeting.  Eventually he went through court and got slapped with an extremely harsh sentence.  Destroying all hope of ever working things out between us.  Part of me at the time did not want to work it out, but I can't stand leaving things unfinished.  I at least wanted to be able to leave on good terms.  I'm really terrible at hurting other people's feelings.  \nFast forward to a couple of weeks ago.  I meet a guy.  He's wonderful and patient.  Open and honest.  I don't know if it will last, but I now remember what it is like to have a healthy relationship with someone.  This stirred up a lot of resentment towards my ex.  I finally just told him I was seeing someone.  He blew up on me, told me I betrayed him and abandoned him...etc. Really?  I know I know...I need to cut ties completely with the ex.  I just feel so sad and so sorry for him.  The jail/prison system is absolutely horrible.  Regardless of what he did to me, I wish him no harm.  My empathy is over the top.  The entire situation just breaks my heart.  How do I let go and forgive myself for hurting him?\nAny help/advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for taking the time to listen!", "answer": "You don't owe him anything. He is dangerous to you and to anyone close to him. If you want to protect his feelings and your own prospect of happiness: the path of least upsetting him is to never talk to him again. \n\nIn order to do this, you will have to ignore the parts of you that want a different resolution or that miss him, or that hope for x, y or z.  Those hard feelings are the price of safety and freedom. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "713i5k", "comment_id": "dn7xvte"}, {"question": "I know it works.. so why is it so damn hard to stay motivated?", "description": "Over the past few months, I've begun to do basic weight training about once a week. My initial and ongoing goal is to build muscle, but it had the secondary benefit of improving my mental health. I feel more balanced and less moody than I have been in the past. \n\nHowever, often (on days like today) when I don't have any plans or pressing obligations and the weather is dreary, I just want to lay in bed. \n\nIt's a conundrum that the thing that would likely make me feel better is the last thing that I want to do. I will be better in a day or two when I'm back at work being productive. It's really frustrating that I have such a hard time enjoying time off. \n\nI have been able to force myself to walk, which is a good thing. Outside of that, I basically wait for my body and mind to reset. \n\nHow regimented are you all? Do you have some days when exercise is completely out of the question? \n\n", "answer": "My main goal is just dont quit. I go twice a week and make it as fun as possible (I do meditation, cardio, have a snack, and change my actual work out whenever.) I don't make big gains, but that's not my goal. When I don't feel like going, I just wear my clothes, and try for 5 min. Most of the time, I finish my workout. I also go right after work, so it's part of my scheduled. Basically, I minimize the choices (when, what to do, how I will do it, etc) and maximize the fun (have a snack, do exercises I like, listen to music, etc.)", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "34xs93", "comment_id": "cqzav9x"}, {"question": "Who should I talk to about being diagnosed?", "description": "I feel really awkward calling it a diagnosis but I thought that would cover what I meant.\n\nI had a bad couple of years at the start of secondary school( got into a couple fights, bullied quite a lot, etc.) and I spent some time with my school's learning support. The word autistic was bounced around a couple times then everything got a lot better from about year 9 onwards and it didn't really come up again. I wasn't sure if it was recorded until recently one of my teachers had his mark system on the board and I saw that next to my name it said \"autism\" under the special needs section.\n\nA couple of the things I do and say make me think that I'm mildly autistic but I've never done tests( are there tests for autism?) to see whether I am or not. I don't feel that it affects my life in any serious way as I'm happy, confident and okay at handling social situations. However, I want to be more aware of where I stand on the autistic spectrum and how this might affect me and others.", "answer": "Most communities have autism resources.  It may be a message board or another kind of support group.  I would post a message in/get in touch with one of these asking about reputable psychologists in your area that deals with autism/asperger's.  If you can't find anything like that, you could result to calling at least a few local psychologists asking for the name of someone who deals with asperger's/autism.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "wqbos", "comment_id": "c5fjm8x"}, {"question": "My 8yr old has a bad diet", "description": "She is extremely picky when it comes to foods and I'm concerned that she's not getting her dailey nutrition. \n\nI make myself a protein shake in the morning. She does not like to drink milk. So, I pour a little bit into a cup for her, less than half a cup. Im making maybe a 16oz cup and I'll give her maybe 4. \n\nHer mom thinks this is a bad idea that's its not healthy for her. My argument is that now she's drinking milk and getting some proteins....\n\nIs it bad for her?\n\nhttps://imgur.com/gallery/oRa11\n\nThe protein in question\n\n", "answer": "You're giving her protein. It's not exactly balanced nutrition. Multivitamins and/or omega-3 might be a better option.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531mij", "comment_id": "d7p88sp"}, {"question": "Pressure to be a 'woman'", "description": "I notice that other women are more emotionally expressive, and are very good at building trust and comfort. People have told me that women who have 'grown into' their femininity or are just naturally feminine act as social glues and are great at hosting, entertaining, catching social cues, building and maintaining relationships, etc.\n\nSo... I'm the complete opposite of all the above and have to put in a lot of work to just be emotionally expressive, and get people to feel at ease around me. When I'm around other girls I feel so out of place. I don't feel like I belong with guys either, so I'm confused about which 'energy' I project and gravitate to the most.\n\nBecause of this I don't feel like I have a strong sense of self and have a very difficult time connecting to people. It's a surprise that I even managed to have relationships at this point but mostly because I befriend extroverts who do most of the emotional labor. I want to contribute more but I really have a tough time in social situations and leading a conversation.\n\nPlease help, for anyone who has some insight. ", "answer": "I work at an agency that primarily serves the LGBT community.  I participated in a great workshop talking about masculine identities.  It made me realize that I don't necessarily believe that anything is inherently \"manly\" or \"womanly\".  Although a lot of folks do ascribe to societal and cultural gender norms.... nothing is written that you have to.  I think we're all a combination of stereotypically masculine and feminine traits regardless of our gender.  \n\n\nFor instance... I'm a cisgender guy.  I have some stereotypical masculine traits.... I'm a protector, I can be aggressive when need be, I love sports and I'm extremely competitive.  \n\n\nOn the other hand, I'm a therapist.  My job is to be intuitive, emotionally supportive, caring, and a good listener.  I'm damn good at what I do and I love it, though all of these are stereotypical feminine traits.  In my marriage, I do most of the cooking and probably most of the crying during movies.  (Coco had me near bawling). \n\n\nNone of that makes me feel like any less of a man, because for me, what \"being a man is\" is what I decide for myself, not society.  You get to decide what being woman is to you, if you even really want to identify as such.  \n\n\n\nWhen it comes to friendships and relationships, everyone has their own preferences in what they're looking for in friends and romantic partners.  Be true to yourself and sure enough, you'll be able to find the people who are looking for someone just like you!      ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zpyw0", "comment_id": "e2kkhx3"}, {"question": "is it fair that i go and reveal all truths about our relationship when gf didnt tell all truth ?", "description": "me and my gf were in a serious relationship for past 2 years . we usually started with casual and have made a decision that we will part ways when her parents will get her married. .  she first told me she wants to marry me...we will convince our parents and will get married with their happiness. i told my parents from the starting ..and was ultimately able to convince them...she didnt find the courage to let her family know about our relationship. she made me make many promises and i totally stand up to those promises... \n\nshe offerd me to run away and get married but i made her understand its not fair...she keep on saying from the start that she will die if i donot marry her..she will die if her parents donot listen..she will not let anybody touch her except me....\n \nso we both were serious and happy. now the time came when her parents had found a groom for her. she told them about us but didnt hv the courage to tell everything . so her parents thought that it wasnt that serious . we just liked each other that it. and they  pressuried her and same time told her to chose one of the two in haste and fast . they said either \n1. choose them and forget about me and end everything \n2. choose me and they will not contact her for lifetime and they will be dead to her.\n\nshe wanted both but was not able to decide. in just 2 days after telling her parents ...she just gave up without much effort and without revealing all truths about our relationship and choose them.\n\nshe told me to forget her and that she is sorry but parents happiness is all that matters. \n\ni feel like its not fair to my part and i am.not able to accept it. i want to try every possible thing to convince them but keeping the dignity and trust of our relationship intact. \n\ni want to tell her parents the complete situation and the whole truth about our relationship. \n will it be fair ?", "answer": "it's about HER, not the parents. she's not ready to cut the cord and will never have a rel. until she does", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6szkx0", "comment_id": "dlh3g58"}, {"question": "My overactive intelligence makes me a total buzzkill. How do I just relax?", "description": "I require constant intellectual stimulation. Even if I'm drunk at a party or a bar, I'll still attempt to impose something intellectual onto the situation. I'll watch the crowds and analyze the social dynamics, I'll study the moves of the good dancers, I'll pair off with the other wallflowers and talk about science and philosophy.\n\nApparently, I don't know how to just chill out and have a good time, and as a result, I'm kind of boring and dry, which of course doesn't get me invited out. At all.\n\nThis sucks. I'm kind of tired of being an observer, I want to be a participant every once in a while too. I want to be able to cut loose and have some \"so I was drinking with friends\" stories that don't involve me making a complete and utter fool out of myself, like the ones that I do have. And for what It's worth, I think the events in those stories have kind of scared me off from relaxing while drinking, at least while in company. I did some insanely stupid things, and now I'm  *very* observant about how much I drink, who I'm drinking with, where I'm drinking, and in order to keep from going full retard again, I try to keep myself functioning on a higher level.\n\nIt's not just in party situations though. It's all the time. Basically, I can't relax intellectually. I'm always analyzing, dissecting, and rationalizing, and I want to stop.\n\nSo how do I do that?", "answer": "Um. Maybe try something physical that puts you in a \"flow\" state where you're really really focused on being in the moment? Something like yoga or dancing or martial arts.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xdooo", "comment_id": "c5ll9et"}, {"question": "DAE wish for an incurable disease, just so they can die without guilt of hurting others?", "description": "I would never commit suicide because of the guilt and regret that leaves behind, but existing is fucking hard.  Sometimes I find myself hoping for some terminal illness just to escape without anyone feeling personally responsible.  Is this normal, or am I just really fucking crazy?", "answer": "A terminal  disease would mean we are 100% blameless and a victim... the BPD dream. So yes, I understand that instinct entirely. But having realized the truth about why we might feel that way needs to make us say \u2014 WHOA\u2014 wth, that\u2019s disturbing and really learn to work and relate more healthfully.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "edv9ai", "comment_id": "fbsphaw"}, {"question": "How to help someone spend less money and cut down on impulse buying?", "description": "Trying to financially better my SO so we do not run into problems in the future. Any tips on how to help someone save their money or mostly prioritize purchases would be helpful!! Thank you!!", "answer": "Make a budget. Write down how much money comes in every month, how much typically gets spent on bills and food and whatnot (looking at the spending from past months is helpful to figure out what typical food spending is like for example), and then see how much is left over if anything. Having a bank account with and online spending tracker or app is super helpful here.\n\nThen I would also open up a separate savings account purely for the purpose of saving. I opened up two online accounts with Ally - they have a higher interest rate than my credit union, the only downside is it takes a few days to transfer money in/out so I use it for long-term saving. One account is savings for a future down payment on a house, the other is for a car. I estimated how much I would be paying in car payments and insurance monthly, and I just transfer that amount into the car savings account every month. That way I get used to spending that amount and I know that I can't touch it if it gets automatically transferred. \n\nMy credit union offers free financial advising, which helped me a lot. r/personalfinance has some beginner guides for budgeting as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "can17y", "comment_id": "et9rx9a"}, {"question": "Maximising the benefits of counselling", "description": "I've been going to counselling regularly since February now.  At my counsellor's suggestion, I have taken the following actions:\n\n* Started a journal to document my feelings\n\n* Asked my friend to not help me commit suicide (not that he was for it, but he was an integral part of my plan)\n\n* Promised to talk to him and my parents any time I start thinking about self-harming or committing suicide\n\nNow, when I journal, I just end up writing a justification for why I hate myself.  Talking to my friend was only a one-off, preventative measure.  When I start thinking about self-harming, it's almost always the week of the appointment, so I see no need to bring it up beforehand.\n\nLately, I've been feeling worse.  I'm quicker to anger, I lose focus and then hate myself for not doing my work, I feel like I'm a fuck-up who consistently screws himself over.  I'm not sure what benefits I've really gained from going to counselling.  I don't think we've ever really discussed what I should be doing.  We've talked about anti-depressants, but he can't prescribe.\n\nLast time, we decided to have my parents come in.  I'm pretty pissed that my dad didn't bother to ask why I was depressed, he just wanted to know how I had been planning on killing myself so he could restrict access.  [This](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/the_torn_skirt/Blog/giveashit.jpg) sums up how I feel about that quite nicely.\n\nAt any rate, my next appointment is tomorrow.  What are some ways I can try and get some better short term benefits from it?  Right now, I'm just wasting my parents' money without feeling any of the effects.", "answer": "Counselor here: tell your therapist everything you said here. If something isn't working- tell them. Not every approach works with everyone. Also- it is perfectly normal for people to sometimes feel worse before they feel better. Therapy often asks us to discuss and dig up negative things that we can't always alleviate in 50 min. Remember that it is a process, with an end goal in mind. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tpbqw", "comment_id": "c4ok6gq"}, {"question": "Is there a term ( attention seeking/narcissism? ) for someone who consistently needs to interject themselves somehow into every situation or national news story?", "description": "My aunt (57) has always been the dramatic type but it seems like it\u2019s gotten beyond the typical crisis/drama queen behavior. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s to the point of suggesting therapy to her. \nShe has always had some attention seeking qualities but nothing to cause more than a few eye rolls at family reunions because she is also very kind  and generous. Over the past couple of years though  it has become impossible to have a conversation with her without there being some (perceived ) crisis or drama. Much of it over things beyond her control, not her responsibility or very minimal I.e. a step-grandchild\u2019s 2nd grade poor report card required a middle of the working day emergency phone call to discuss what an awful job her parents are doing ( they\u2019re not) and how she needs to live with them and she will fix it (not gonna happen) Every time there is a major local or national news story she has to somehow interject herself into it and call/post about it. ( \u201cI can\u2019t sleep!! My friend\u2019s son (who I\u2019ve never met) lives (somewhere) near Minneapolis! I hope he\u2019s ok!!\u201d And I cant count the number of tearful phone calls regarding the acquaintance who had Covid-19 and was critically ill. Yes it\u2019s tragic but I thought she was describing a close friend or family member based on her reaction. A plane had to make an emergency landing and she had \u201cjust flown that airline last month!! It could have been me on there!!\u201d True stories. \nShe also knows a semi-famous person and for years her cover photo has been of her and (semi celebrity) not her husband or family. \nI know she\u2019s an adult and her behavior isn\u2019t malicious or dangerous but I know it\u2019s unhealthy and is interfering with her work and her husband doesn\u2019t want to talk about it. \nIs there a term for this? Is it a personality trait or disorder? Should she be getting help? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Rather than focusing on what you think may be the cause of he behavior, you may get further by focusing on how it causes distress in her life . What is happening at work?\n\nI don't know enough to say what it going on. I don't know her background and history,  and have never observed here . My opinion is just an idea based on what you shared :  The examples you shared give me the impression that she may be trying to connect with others.  There is nothing particularly grandiose or exciting,  but these stories are relatable because everyone understands the reference and is in the loop.  It sounds like a way to stay relevant and to not worry about telling a boring story. There is a lot of intensity in these stories! At least in her mind , she always has something interesting going on.\n\nAnother reason I think this may be a misguided attempt to connect is that it works! At least one relative (you) picks up the phone over and over and listens.  You look at her social media , too . If these stories are gutting attention (,even an eye roll), that is working for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "guej4r", "comment_id": "fsi0tio"}, {"question": "I (20m) haven\u2019t been to the dentist in two years, but brush my teeth twice a day regularly. At my cleaning today, I was told I have 12 cavities. Is this possible?", "description": "I am a 20-year-old male (5\u201910\u201d, 150lbs, Caucasian) in college, so I\u2019ve definitely been experiencing a lot of stress and have been grinding my teeth a lot since my last dentist appointment. However, I haven\u2019t been experiencing a whole lot of pain in my teeth, just some sensitivity. They also mentioned that most of the cavities were due to a lack of flossing and were therefore in between my teeth (i.e. not from grinding). I\u2019m not one to question doctors and self-diagnose, but I just find it hard to believe that I somehow developed 12 cavities while thinking I had none. We\u2019ve had issues with this dentist in the past where they act like used car salesmen, so I\u2019m skeptical about getting the cavities filled without a second opinion.\n\nI should also mention that I am going back to school (~450 miles away) in about a week, and when I told them this they were adamant I didn\u2019t see another dentist out that way to fix any issues. Instead they told me I should wait til December to see them again because they are more familiar with my records. Should I just put my faith in these doctors and let them do their job, or am I right in being suspicious of their claims?", "answer": "For dental issues you might want r/Dentistry instead. My general opinion is that anyone recommending against second opinions is a medical huckster and you want a second opinion even more. The only exception would be something so urgent that there's no time for a second opinion, and waiting until December definitely isn't that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928y4y", "comment_id": "e33yp3m"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "I live in Canada (province of Ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,\n\nis this too expensive?\n\nshe practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees\n\nhow much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "There is no too much or little. Any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "e5a64it"}, {"question": "Why should I have to be challenged, or \"meet challenges head-on\"? Why can't I avoid them and go about my life?", "description": "This is coming right off the back of a meeting I just had with some social services type people about getting me into the workforce, so I'm still pretty chaffed about it.\n\nThe phrase \"meeting challenges head-on\" was used, in the context of me getting the support or framework necessary in order for me to do so.\n\nI just got kind of pissed and started thinking about why we're expected to do things that are hard.  I HATE doing things that challenge me, and that don't flow relatively easily.  In most cases, I'll still do them, but I don't get any feeling of satisfaction afterwards where I can big myself up and say well done.  I'm just glad it's fucking over and never want to do it again.  And kind of wish I hadn't in the first place.\n\nI understand self-improvement and development, etc., but it seems like it isn't acceptable to say no, I like my mediocrity just fine, thankyouverymuch.  Always striving for higher and further in the past has left me with a shit tonne of issues now, so I have zero desire to go down the path of challenges and rewards again.\n\nI'd much rather just stay with the status quo and coast along, without rocking the boat. Is it so wrong to want an easy life, when things are so hard to begin with?\n\n[TL;DR](http://imgur.com/3W6D1F8)", "answer": "If you aren't growing your stagnating or dying. And both are bad", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6e0qu1", "comment_id": "di6ug8p"}, {"question": "General question, but how bad is a little tobacco here and there?", "description": "Required info: Age: 19; Height: 6\u20193\u201d; Weight: 205; Gender: Male\n\nQuick question about tobacco. I don\u2019t smoke cigarettes and I don\u2019t dip or anything. My only tobacco use is either a cigar on super special occasions, or in a moke or backwoods blunt, so with a little weed, and weed use is maybe 3-4 times a month, so this is half that. \n\nHow bad is that?", "answer": "I don't know of good studies on occasional smokers, but a rough estimate of risk would be taking the risks of a daily smoker and dividing it by the amount that you smoke. So it's not zero risk, but it's much lower risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8whiue", "comment_id": "e1vxnul"}, {"question": "Errm ... so how do I do my stool sample?", "description": "26, UK, never really been to a doctor so everything is new to me ... how in the actual f do I do a stool sample? I have two very small tubes. Not sure if they want both filled or if one is a backup lol.\n\nAnd once it's done, how am I handing it in? Surely not at reception?\n\nShould have asked more questions.", "answer": "I bet you your GP just gave you a couple of bottles and sent you off!\n\nJust shit in them and bring them back. Dont contaminate them as much as practicable. Wash your hands! Hand them in reception - they've been given worse I assure you!\n\nNothing to be embarrassed about honestly, but anxiety is understandable if its the first time you've had to do anything like this.\n\n[Stool samples - NHS](http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/how-should-i-collect-and-store-a-stool-faeces-sample.aspx?CategoryID=69)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56588c", "comment_id": "d8hmsok"}, {"question": "About Getting Help", "description": "I'm considering getting help. What are some of your experiences with this? Was it effective? Worth it?\n\nYour thoughts on medications?\n\nCognitive/Behavioral Therapy?\n\nThe thing that concerns me is this lack of acceptance of my current situation, the anxiety at all; it is part of me, right? Is my control only limited to how I respond to it, or can I eliminate it?", "answer": "CBT has been shown to be quite effective in treating anxiety. It's a pretty straightforward approach. It also is typically less expensive in the long run than meds, and without the side effects.\n\nAs far as eliminating anxiety- therapy doesn't claim to get rid of negative emotions (sadness, anxiety, anger, etc), because those are all normal parts of the human experience.  Everyone experiences anxiety- a moderate amount is normal, and therapists cant and wont change that. Instead, therapy teaches you how to control your anxiety to keep it from becoming where it is now. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "snhrl", "comment_id": "c4g0tw0"}, {"question": "Child Sleeping With (Defensive) Weapons", "description": "What is the data on such occurrences, if any at all, and if there is any, what does it say?\n\nI ask because I\u2019ve been on the road to recovery of my childhood trauma for nearly 3 years now, and I just remembered that I used to do this, and it has really hit me hard.", "answer": "I do not treat kids . However,  in my role as a forensic psychologist , I often have to read records (police,  medical,  mental health) related to the people I evaluate and victims.  I have seen this come up in situations where a child's mother is in an abusive relationship.  However,  I'm not aware of research on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "frk385", "comment_id": "flxrluw"}, {"question": "9 yr old severe anxiety in summer...", "description": "My 9 yr old is having severe anxiety over blushing in front of schoolmates. We have been with friends and family for 4th of July activities the past two nights and has told me she is very worried about school and blushing, even during a fireworks show. Last night she even mentioned she likes school but not herself. This talk is obviously alarming. We will talk with our pediatrician but was thinking we could get some good feedback, opinions, resources etc. that would help us dive in and give her some relief.", "answer": "I think it's good that you're so actively doing your best for your daughter and I understand her words can be alarming. \n\nKeep in mind that regardless of the professional help you may or may not need, her parents are very important to her and you can definitely help her also to be a healthy and developing child. My advice would be to make sure you (both parents) are not reacting with becoming more stressed than needed. She is learning what happens when she tells you she is not so happy. I am not talking about whether or not you tell her about your feelings and thoughts, because she will notice anyway. \n\nSo talk about it, care about it, and show her what happens when you tell your parents you're not feeling good (they love you, they understand you, they will help you, they may not be perfect but they are good enough).\n\nHope this helps.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9ves4", "comment_id": "et3nauh"}, {"question": "Letter to my doctor from DEA", "description": "Female 29, surgery recently\nPrescriptions: levothyroxine 112 mcg, adderall 30 mg\n\nI had ankle surgery 6 weeks ago. I received pain medicine from my surgeon. I ended up in the ER two days after surgery, due to pain and circulation issues. The ER doc refilled my medication-this was a holiday weekend. I stopped this medication after two days and I was taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen. I started to get shingles (pcp presumes from stress due to surgery) and I made an appointment with my pcp where I got an antiviral as well as a much lower dose pain medication. I informed him that I was no longer taking the medication from surgery that was 7 days prior.\n\nMy pcp has prescribed my adderall for over a year. He works at a practice overseeing physician assistants. Apparently one of my refills for adderall in the last three months was called in my a PA due to my doctor being on vacation. \n\nI did not realize that I would be under investigation?? Am I in trouble? What happens now? My pcp was laughing when he told me about it and he refilled my adderall the same appointment. He said he doesn\u2019t have to respond to the letter, but now I\u2019m worried I will actually be in trouble. \n\nPlease help!", "answer": "The legal intricacies of doctor shopping, prescribing, and controlled substances are all irrelevant here because they don\u2019t apply.\n\nYour care has been in one practice. At one time someone else was covering and wrote a prescription. That is all legitimate and above-board. The DEA is unlikely to investigate, if they do it will be the doctor, and it sounds like an open-and-shout normal situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "idb4u7", "comment_id": "g287f15"}, {"question": "AA friendships", "description": "There was a post on here earlier looking for sober friends that got deleted. I wondered for a while why people stopped talking to people who left the room or why they were so distant the first couple months I was in the room. The longer I stick around the fellowship the more I realize that this is in fact a life or death situation, and a lot of people come in and out of the rooms so often that it can be scary to get attached to someone and then find out they're back out or have died of this disease. \n\nIn my experience, it took me some time to really form meaningful friendships in AA. They were my friends from the very beginning, but to me having a friend and having friendships is vastly different. They wanted to make sure that I was not only serious about my sobriety, but that I also respected the fellowship that saved their lives. AA is absolutely not a social club, it is a program of recovery where alcoholics help each other get better. One of the gifts of sobriety, however, is that I get some really amazing friends who understand where I'm at before I do most of the time.", "answer": "Thanks for sharing. I've been active in AA for 2 years after getting sober in another fellowship, and working through the traditions checklist with my sponsor I've realized that I still often don't feel like part of the crowd, even though I identify, gave a home group, and regularly visit with people before and after the meeting. I see others who *seem* to click with the crowd quickly, especially the YPAA crowd, and it can make me feel like I'm back in high school, except I can't find the other nerds this time around... And then I can start to feel isolated and resentful. But you're right, it's not a social club, and the most important thing is if I'm hearing the message. Sometimes it just takes time to find and develop friendships.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "57zxkj", "comment_id": "d8wlpu8"}, {"question": "I (F,19) have been in an incredibly confusing \"relationship\" with this guy (m,33) for 6 months.", "description": "This is an incredibly long story but I have no one else in the world to tell it to, and I need someone who knows both sides (for the most part) of this horrible story. I'm genuinely going to try to remember every detail and I appreciate anyone who reads through it. If you're sensitive to drug use please don't read this :(\n\n\n\nI'm 19. The man this story is about is 33 and we'll call him Nick just so it's easier to understand. We met last December at a gas station we both worked at. At the time, we were both in relationships and I thought nothing of him, really. We were pretty good friends and I thought he was cool, but that's as far as it went. Well, fast forward to this March/April; both of us split from our partners. He'd been seeing her for 4 years on and off and I'd been in a committed relationship with mine for 2 and a half years. So, middle of April, we started talking a bit more. I thought he was super funny, and just an all around cool person to be around. We started hanging out a little bit, I had a bonfire and some beers at his house with him and a few friends and it was cool, I was making new friends and having a good time. Then, one night, he asked me if I wanted to come over after work (we worked the same shift) for some beers, just the two of us. So I was like, sure, why not. So, we bought some alcohol and I met him at his house and we drank. And talked. For hours. This is important cause right here is kinda the turning point for everything, I think. That night me and him talked for SO long about EVERYTHING in our lives. I don't even know how to explain it, but it's hard for me to connect with people and I felt such a serious genuine connection with him in the short time that I'd been hanging out with him and it just hit me. I had feelings for him. Well, that night, we ended up getting kinda way drunk, we had sex, and I stayed the night at his house. That was the first of many.\n\n\n\nAfter this night we got super close. We talked all the time, and I guess I took it in the wrong way. At work we would eat lunch together, we'd hang out at his house all the time, and we did drugs together all the time. Yeah. I can't remember when that started, but he asked me if I wanted to do some pills with him while we were hanging out once, so, well, I did. And I never went back from it. We started doing drugs together just about every single day. We'd get high before work, during work, after work. But since we were doing that we ended up spending a lot of time together. \n\n\n\nAround May, I sort of told him I had feelings for him and he sort of told me too. That's what's so confusing about all of this. He ACTS like he likes me. We had a good time together even when were just hanging around drinking or getting high. I spent the night with him a lot. He always invited me to his parties and what not. Pretty much all through May-June and the beginning of July this is what we did. We were together ALL THE TIME. I used to visit him on his lunch breaks, I was at his house everyday, he used to call me in the mornings or before bed, we were just always together. He was the person I went to when something awesome or bad happened. The person I always told everything to at the end of the day. The person I trusted and quite literally the person I loved. Once and a while I would kinda try to bring it up to him that I had feelings for him. He usually just would respond with something like \"yeah I have feelings for you but I just don't want a relationship. Let's just keep doing what we're doing.\" It was weird. He'd tell me he loved me every time I left his house and always gave me a kiss. It FELT like we were together.. but.. we weren't. \n\n\n\nWell, sometime in the middle of July (or the end, I can't remember) I had sex with someone else. At this point he was just kinda ignoring me, not really giving me any attention and not acting like we were ever going to be together. I was upset and sick of it and the only thought I had was, well, if I have sex with someone else and he cares.. I guess he cares. So I did, I told him a few days later, and he didn't really say much about it. So I figured that was kinda it, nothing would ever happen between us.  Fast forward a few days after I told Nick about the guy I get a call from him. I was on my way to see the dude I hooked up with and he FLIPPED out. Like I'd never really seen him care about anything before, but was crying and everything. He was crying on the phone, he said \"I don't understand how you could go f*ck someone else if you say you love me,\" and stuff like that. And I was BAWLING. I apologized, told him I loved him, and went to his house instead. He told me it hurt him cause he did have feelings for me, and I just tried to explain that I DID, I just didn't feel like he did and was trying to not waste my time/move on. (You have to understand at this point he would ignore me for days and only hit me up if I had drugs. There's tons of little things that happened those past few months that he did to me that were just.. bad. I just don't have time to type it all out and no one wants to read all that. But it was just kinda my breaking point.) So, we just kinda made an agreement that we wouldn't see other people. I swear to you, I said \"just tell me that we're kind of together, and I wont even TALK to anyone else.\" And he said, \"yeah, I guess we kinda are.\" He kissed me and I went home and that was that.\n\n\nAfter that happened, I ended up writing a letter to him telling him how in love with him I was. He just told me he loved me too and the way I felt about him made him feel really good. At this point I GENUINELY believed he had feelings for me.\n\n\n\nSo August-September were pretty okay honestly. We kept in touch a lot and we stopped doing drugs as hardcore as we used to. We hung out sober sometimes and I still saw him a lot. He ignored me sometimes but I just kinda came to terms with it and accepted that I'd just have to let him treat me badly until he was ready. Strange, I know, but I thought someday it would get better, honestly. He was a pretty nice dude most of the time. Sometimes he got mad at me and sometimes he talked shit about me but I just... didn't care.\n\n\n\nOkay, almost done. The most recent thing that happened. I went on a trip about 3 hours from where I live for 5 days at the end of September. We kept in touch, he told me to let him know when I got there, call me when I could, relationship type stuff. We talked every day then I left early so I could see him. I went and picked us up some drugs then went to his house. Everything was pretty much normal. Well, I went up to our old work and saw some old friends and told them I was still kinda seeing Nick and what not and my friend goes \"you know he f*cked two girls while you were downstate, right?\" Well. No. I didn't. So I freaked out, I cried and I've been feeling HORRIBLE ever since that happened. Today is the first day I've talked to Nick since I found out, and I brought it up to him.\n\n\n\nI told him it hurt my feelings and that I loved him and that I just wanted to know what was going on. He said, \"I shouldn't have told anyone, it would've been better if you never found out. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation.\" Like no sh*t he did NOT care that I was crying and hurt. All I said was, \"I just want to know if you love me.\" And he said \"Yeah, I do love you. It was just a mistake.\" He told me he loved me, kissed me and I left. Now, I'm sitting here with ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what is going on or how to feel.\n\n\n\nThings I want to clear up; first off, I know it's horrible that he only hung around me when we were getting high. I know that's terrible but I really thought underneath it all he cared a little bit. He's been an on/off addict for 7 years so I don't know. I just figured that's how he was, I guess. Second, he really did tell me that he had feeling for me on multiple occasions and he really truly did act like he loved me or at least cared for me. He told me he loved me all the time, like, ALL the time. Third, I'm fully aware that he's probably using me and he doesn't care all that much. Fourth, I genuinely do feel like I am in love with him and I have tried to move on but I can't seem to. Please just don't call me an idiot or anything, I know I am, it's just hard for me to feel real feelings for people and I felt it with him.\n\n\n\nPart of me wants to wait. I want to wait for us to get clean and get help and change ourselves and finally end up together. I think we could be good together and we could help each other. But... maybe not. Part of me thinks that'll never happen and we'll be stuck in this endless cycle of him ignoring me then popping back up and telling me he loves me. Part of me wants to get clean and drop him completely and change my whole life around. \n\n\n\nSo I guess what I'm asking here is a few things. Does/did he ever really have feelings for me? Should I stick around and wait for things to get better? Should I just stop talking to him completely and move on? What is even going on?\n\n\n\n\nTL;DR been in a weird \"relationship\" with a drug addict for a few months and I'm in love and lost.", "answer": "being in love with a drug addict is a recipe for disaster i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77a5fn", "comment_id": "dok7yr8"}, {"question": "constantly tapping caps-lock button", "description": "hi, I have tourettes, ASD, and OCD, and I think this is a manifestation of all three. since i was very young every time i used the computer i tapped the caps lock button on and off every time im not doing something else with the keyboard. my actual hand posture changes in an uncomfortable way to allow me to keep hitting the caps-lock button. i need to see the light on the keyboard turn on, and when it's on, i feel the urge to turn it back off again. ad infinitum.\n\ni kept track of my keyboard presses for several months, and while i dont have the records anymore to show, i found that about 30% of my key presses were just the caps lock button (i hit it over 200,000 times!!!!) and i am even pressing it at least 10 times between every sentence in this post.\n\ndoes anyone else have compulsive button-pressing? how do you deal with it??? it's so unpleasant and for years it has brought me genuine despair because i feel like a slave to the god damn caps lock button. i have many other major compulsions that I am working on but i am at a loss as to what to do with this seemingly minor one.", "answer": "The key to any compulsion is to not engage in it and allow yourself to sit through the obsession. If you are unable to do that, start with easier compulsions first. \n\nIs there a specific thought you're having when the light is on or off? What is the obsession? Is it simply a desire to see the light turn on and off, or is there some fear associated with it (e.g. worrying you'll type an email in all caps if you don't double, triple, quadruple check the button?)\n\nI always suggest seeing an OCD specialist and/or psychiatrist. Meds can help if you don't have the resources to work with a therapist. Mindfulness and ERP are the solution aside from meds. Maybe find a workbook online?\n\nEvery time you indulge the compulsion to press the button, you reinforce the cycle.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "49qefl", "comment_id": "d0u03za"}, {"question": "My introvert GF (26years) is driving me crazy (25 years).", "description": "Hey guys,\nMy GF of a year is too shy and embarrassed to share things with me, he hardly speaks and rather prefers me to speak. Also, she is not a social person and prefers reading quietly most of the time. I am the exact opposite and it pisses me off when I have to go talking like a radio.\nI tried to ask her what in her mind and what bothering her, but she says she can figure it out too. There is too much negativity when I talk to her.\nPlease advice.\nCheers.", "answer": "You can break up with her if you want. \n\nIf you don't want, you're gonna have to find some way of connecting with her that satisfies you that she's willing to participate in.  Can you describe that to her in non-complaining, positive terms?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ir23m", "comment_id": "dj8ff0b"}, {"question": "(19/Male) how should a shy/socially awkward guy start dating?", "description": "Maybe this isn't the proper place to ask this, but I couldn't really find anywhere else (subreddit wise) to ask and also because I don't mind embarrassing myself in front of Internet people I thought I'd give it a shot here. \n\nSo I haven't ever dated. Period. My shyness or social awkwardness or whatever you want to call it has really been a big problem when meeting new people, especially women. I know it's pretty pathetic for an adult to still be having \"girl troubles\" but whatever. Obviously I want to be in a relationship just like everybody else, but I have absolutely no idea where I should start or how to keep things moving along. So for any of you shy dudes out there who ended up meeting a significant other, is there any advice you can give me or do I just have to figure this stuff out for myself?  ", "answer": "maybe see a therapist in case you have anxiety that could be treated.  otherwise, just be patient and go slowly. sometimes joining social activities gives you the chance to hone your talking skills with girls. that will lead to greater confidence.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4bbd", "comment_id": "dc0r8eh"}, {"question": "Telling someone about my problems", "description": "I've been thinking about telling someone about my social problems as to have someone to talk to about it. I've got the internet, but I want someone close to me, and my mother but I wan't someone who's not my mother. I love my mom but even at 24 I'm still her little boy and I want someone who doesn't see me as that.\n\nI'm just wondering what everyone thinks about doing something like this. My biggest worry is that this person would hang out with me out of pity wich I don't want. But I want someone to talk to, someone who can encourage me and just be the guy/gal to give me a boost when needed. I'm sure people have noticed, but I hope you know what I mean.", "answer": "Yeah, you should do this :) Be careful, since not everyone will be open to listening to you share what's really going on, and it can be discouraging to open up about your problems and then have them not care. So make sure you find a compassionate person first. But when you do, be honest about what's going on with you. Everyone deserves a good friend :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "sv5bw", "comment_id": "c4hal2v"}, {"question": "Can I even consider having covid-19?", "description": "Female 21 years old. About 5 days ago I experienced nausea and vomiting. About 2 days later I started having a fever - about 38 Celsius, my mom started giving me 1 g of paracetamol a day, but my temperature still stays up on about 37 - 37,5. I have a headache. Since yesterday I've been experiencing diarrhea, it's pretty bad. My mum works at a medical center, but she doesn't have a direct contact with patients, shes okay, she has no symptoms right now, but she has had the same symptoms about 2 weeks ago. We are self quarantined, I haven't been outside for last 3 weeks. Could it be a coronavirus? In my country there is no way of checking it unless you are pretty much dying.\nI have a few conditions; hashimoto, pcos and insulin resistance. \nPlease help.", "answer": "You could have COVID-19, but without any cough it's less likely. You could also have any ordinary GI bug. A temperature of 37.5 C is not a fever, though. You would need to hit at least 38.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frssoi", "comment_id": "flxh7xs"}, {"question": "Does anyone get anxious because of time being limited", "description": "It's been like this for the past few weeks, i keep getting anxious everytime i do something that kills alot of time (e.g studying, playing games, exercise, especially sleeping).\n\nToday i also experienced the same thing, basically i had already planned to take a nap until 8 pm, however i overslept until 10 pm and due to that my plans of wanting to continue drawing, and finishing homework couldn't be done. Add the fact that i had to learn a subject for the test tomorrow, and you get a mixed soup of emotions that i couldn't comprehend\n\nIt just feels like time is very limited so i would want to use it to the fullest. But because of this mindset i keep feeling like sh*t everytime the plans i have for the day is unable to be done. It really feels terrible, and most of the advice i keep getting is to let go and not make it such a big deal.\n\nI just want to know how to handle this, or maybe if anyone has the same experiences? So far the only solution i had was just to cut my sleeping hours from 8 to 6 hours, but idk if thats ok since im still a 17 yr old teen.\n\nAny advice helps..\n\nTL;DR i get anxious if my plans for the day can't be done, especially if its because of an activity that kills alot of time...", "answer": "This is extremely common and for productive people (or folks who'd like to be more productive) it's common to spend a long time searching for the perfect balance of what works for you.  \n\n\nThe biggest answer I can give that isn't really an answer is that there's no one size fits all schedule/regimen that works for everyone.  \n\nGenerally, for someone 17 years old, it's recommended that you get 8-10 hours of sleep per night.  Reasons for  this is that your body/brain are still developing in ways where not getting enough sleep is going to have a much bigger impact on your now and long term than they would if you were in your late 20's and up.  \n\nAs you get older, you'll get a general feel for how much sleep you actually need to be functioning at your best.  Undersleeping AND oversleeping is going to sap your productivity in different ways, so figuring out exactly what you need is important.  \n\n\nIt sounds like you're pretty anxious about it.  If you're anything like me, I front load my goals too much.  What I mean is, I keep a planner for the week.  I think of all of the things that I need to get done, and I put an overwhelming amount of them in the beginning of the week.  Way more than I actually have time for.  In fact, I'm looking at my planner now and I pretty much did exactly that.  When I don't accomplish all the goals, I beat myself up, feel bad about it, and then the feeling bad about it saps my energy/motivation to be productive the rest of the week.  \n\n\nThinking of all of the things you need to get done, prioritizing them (what needs to get done ASAP and what can wait but should be scheduled) and then spacing it out over the course of a week or month can be very helpful.  That way, you get things checked off your list and feel good about what you did accomplish while also recognizing you're not going to forget the things you didn't because they're written down for later in the week/month.\n\n\nSo in a nutshell, my big advice is to be realistic with your goals.  Think of working towards/accomplishing your goals as more of a marathon than a series of 100m dashes.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "erxe88", "comment_id": "ff6po4d"}, {"question": "Women who talk about how lonely they are and then reject \u2018nice guys\u2019 make me sick", "description": "Stop talking about how lonely you are when you won\u2019t even bother to talk to someone like me and have a normal conversation. If you\u2019re not going to talk to just anyone, you\u2019re not that LONELY then, ARE YOU? Fucking whiny attention seeker.\n\nThis website has made me despise people, mainly females. Fuck everyone. ", "answer": "Maybe you\u2019re not as nice as you think you are.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak8ueg", "comment_id": "ef2myhg"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do about my ADHD. I have struggled with it my whole life. I want to be an adult now.", "description": "   \n**How I was diagnosed**\n\n  I always remember being ADHD since i was a little kid. I never really finished class work, I lost things and I was the one with the extremely messy desk. \nMy parents thought i would outgrow it. Around 16, I became very depressed to the point where I missed a month of school. I didn't have many friends and I was a terrible student. They took me to a psychiatrist. She said that i definitely have ADHD, referred me to get tested and prescribed me Wellbutrin and Focalin. \n\nAfter getting tested, they confirmed that i indeed to have ADHD, the inattentive kind and that I had a gifted IQ. \n\nThe Focalin worked for a month, then wasn't as effective and she put me on Adderall. I started out at the 10 mg IR pills and soon moved up to 20 XR and 10 IR in the evening. \n\nMy parents saw a major improvement in my schoolwork. I was paying attention better in class, I was focused. I went from being a C student to A student. The only thing that changed was my focus, but Adderall woke me up in the morning gave me a sense of confidence. I was prescribed it for all of college. \n\n**My College Years** \n\nAround when I was 19, it stopped working. I would hyperfocus, my nights that I was supposed to spend doing homework and sleeping were often spend on google deceptive because I wanted to research shipwrecks or some weird shit that came in my mind. My psychiatrist prescribed me Daytrana patches, and it was the same as Adderall. I didn't like how long they took to kick in. \n\nI soon had to switch psychiatrists because of insurance issues. I had a lovely NP, she was awesome. \nShe was able to treat my depression with Prozac, 30 mg and prescribed me on 30 XR and 10 IR. I was still staying up very late and not sleeping. Adderall XR would make me daze and when I didn't take it, it made me very irritable and angry. But I was too focused on trying to fix being good at school and being organized. I researched so many organization methods, and how to get things done. I grew frustrated, why couldn't I be productive and get shit done? Why do I have no idea how to estimate time and time block? Why do I plan on preparing for interviews but end up spending the whole time doing something else that I enjoy instead? \nI tried apps on apps, never followed through with them. Downloaded many books and never finished them. Nothing was working. I just wanted to be able to finish things and be productive. **I barely have in my life!!**\n\nMy hyperfocus and love for finance earned me an internship (I struggled with interviews though, mostly because of the prep) at a small Investment Bank last summer. I was not a good employee lol but I was also great at my job at the same time, that is one thing I love about Investment Banking. Every day felt like a new job, and I loved it. However, I was often late, very late, disorganized, I would get distracted on the computer or too hyper-focused and forget about other things. Lots of projects were unfinished. I received an offer, but wanted to go to a better job. \n\nSenior year started. I was over school and was too distracted. I took a finance class that I loved and took classes that interested me. I definitely had senioritis. I tried to get a job, but because of lack of preparation and getting distracted, I could not get one. I grew pretty depressed. I stopped going to class and would cram for tests.  It took me almost 6 years of my life (5 years of school because I took a year off) to graduate. Fucking 6 years.. I had a 3.0, had to switch my major multiple times because I had trouble passing some of the required classes. Its not that I didn't understand it, I just \n\nI told my psychiatrist that I was feeling awful on Adderall XR and she switched me to taking 30 mg IR in the morning and 10mg at night. I finally was able to fall asleep before 2, and I had less of a comedown. I had to stop seeing her because she was through my University. \n\n\n**The past year and now** \n\nI graduated University last december with a 3.0. I had a few interviews, one wanted me to do a case and I never finished it. I tried everyday and it never got done. \n\nPast 9 months, I have done nothing with my life. I just sit around the house. I started to see a new psychiatrist and my depression has improved and motivation, but other than that I feel like I am back to where I was before. Disorganized, foggy, countless to do lists, never able to finish anything and trouble with following through.\nI was also diagnosed with Aspergers.  \n\nLast week I went to my psychiatrist. I told her my depression was a lot better and I finally want to do things and get my life together, but the Adderall is not helping what so ever. I told her that I want to look at other medications, but I don't know what is best for me. \n She is a resident and told me that she needed to ask around, prescribed me 60 IR mg a day. I take 45 in the morning and 15 in the afternoon. \n\nLast Friday I spent all day organizing my room and I actually finished MOST of it. I have never done that. I was pretty confident about that, however this whole week I have been getting hyper focused ALL day. Like yesterday I made a to do list for myself and a schedule and I ended up spending all day on the computer at my desk, *rarely taking breaks* researching organization methods. Yesterday I spent all day deciding on a halloween costume. Like... ugh \n\n\n\n**Here is what pisses me off about adderall:**\n\n* Addictive AF : I freak out if I don't have it. The thought of switching meds and not having it and being stuck with new meds that don't work with nothing else. It makes me sleepy and moody if I don't take it, I also get nothing done. In the past I would run out and I would desperately ask my other ADD friends if I could have some of theirs, makes me sound like a druggy.  \n\n* I think it may have effected my cognitive abilities. My memory is poor, I can't hear and see as well. Completing tasks is getting harder and harder \n\n* My body has aged. I am 24, have wrinkles under my eyes, dehydrated skin (I am a skincare junkie) sometimes I have woken up at 8 wired despite little sleep. XR use to give me acne. \n\n* It makes me dizzy and disoriented, especially at night. I don't work out anymore because its effected my body so much. I eat more now, but I am just pure skin and bones with some cushioning. \n\n* Sometimes I need to take caffeine with it, and sometimes it gives me panic attacks where I can't breathe and my heart pulsates, but they go away. \n\n* Makes my hyperfocus even worse sometimes \n\n* I am socially bland when I take it at times. \n\n* I get angered when people interupt me when I am doing stuff, like my BF called me during one of my hyper focus sessions a few days ago and I zoned out when he was telling me about his day. \n\n* Some days I am lightheaded on it \n\n* it makes me sweat like a mofo. It is 44 F degrees here and I started to sweat in my house when I blow dryed my hair. I had to turn on the air conditioning and my parents were like \"WTF\" \n\n\n\n**Why I am writing this**\nWell anyway, sorry for the long, disorganized story. I am at the point where I am just overwhelmed and frustrated and I don't know what to do. I have googled and researched how, I see a therapist but I don't think she knows much about ADHD and I still really struggle. I want to find an ADHD coach, but they are expensive, I can't afford it because I don't have a job, and my insurance (Medicaid) doesn't cover them. I don't know what tools work for me or what my learning type is because I never knew how to. My dang mother had to help me write my graduate school essay and I am 24!!!!!! \n\nWhat prompted me to write this was I was researching ADHD meds for people with ADHD-PI. Adderall has fucked up my body and I heard it ages you so quickly. I can't even work out when I am on it and I don't work out anymore. Thank god I am off the XR. I don't see myself ever going on that stuff again. \n\nAt this point, I am overwhelmed and I need help. I am typing this in hyperfocus, lol writing about my problems with hyperfocus while hyperfocused.  \n\n My thoughts are too complex at times. Any resoures, guidance, encouragement, criticism... etc would help. \n\n\n\n**TL;DR**\n\nI wrote a summary of my journyI am finally wanting to do something about my ADHD - PI and be proactive, and I am overwhelmed and feel like I will never improve and I will live my life not being an adult, failing at my job, never finishing anything and not being responsible. I also don't want adderall to effect my body. \nAfter being severly depressed for a year and recovering from it, I feel like I am back to dealing with the issues I had before x 10. I meet with my psychiatrist again in a few weeks and I want to have a plan for medication etc. \n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Addiction psychiatrist here. You should probably show this post to your psychiatrist! ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9rxpnl", "comment_id": "e8klqa5"}, {"question": "Can Proton Pump Inhibitors be found in a blood test?", "description": "Age: 22\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 180\n\nWeight: 75\n\nRace: Caucasian \n\n\nCurrent medications: proton pump inhibitors / antacids\n\n\nCan you test for them, prove that a person has taken them?", "answer": "I cannot think of any circumstance in which anyone would care to test.\n\nThis sounds like you're worried about getting caught not taking them. Why?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fntyzz", "comment_id": "flbnvzd"}, {"question": "Does PTSD have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "I don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and I haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have PTSD without a specific triggering event?\n\n**Background**: I have a psychiatrist I trust, and I have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. Any replies I get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. I earned my Master's in psychology in 2000, so I can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. It may be worth noting that I also carry an Asperger's diagnosis.\n\n**All categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** I have never been abused. My parents were great. I've never been threatened with violence. My father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years. \n\nSo many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though I've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\" \n\n**It is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. I was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the WTC. I had to accompany a 10yo girl to the ER for a rape kit when she was first admitted. Those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.\n\n**But it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. I'd just given birth to our son when Hurricane Katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"Tonight's the Night the World Begins Again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...I burst into tears at a Goo Goo Dolls concert  last year when they started playing it. A former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's CD in the car yesterday, I had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that I had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that I probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.\n\nCould it be PTSD even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **I feel like it's existential trauma, but I don't think that's a thing.** I just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since I've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "The DSM changed its criteria between IV-TR and 5, so I'm not so familiar, but my understanding of Criterion A4 (repeated exposure to aversive details of traumatic events) indicates that the traumatic events have to be violence with threat of death or sexual violence, and they have to be repeated traumas. The examples given are first responders collecting human remains and police officers exposed to details of child abuse. I'm not sure what context you worked in, but unless you heard repeatedly the intimate details of the abuse I would say that's probably not traumatic stress.\n\nThis is not to minimize your symptomology or suffering. You sound like a very empathic person who is highly emotionally reactive. \n\nDon't forget, too, that you can't \"double dip\" with symptoms. If you have generalized anxiety disorder and major depression, those can account for many of the symptoms that you listed. Does it still sound like PTSD if you take out anything that can be attributed to your other conditions?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "cih1888"}, {"question": "5 minutes ago I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. It clicked and wouldn\u2019t fire. Talk to me please", "description": "I\u2019m still kind of in shock that actually happened. Anyone want to talk?", "answer": "Hi. I\u2019m here. I\u2019m glad you exist. I really can\u2019t tell you how relieved I am the gun didn\u2019t fire. Hello. It\u2019s nice to meet you! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ahfttt", "comment_id": "eee5o46"}, {"question": "I want it to stop", "description": "I want to stop feeling like shit everyday. I want to stop wanting to kill myself every time I'm alone. I want to sleep for more than two hours every goddamn night. I just want to feel mentally good for the first time since I was 12. Fuck.", "answer": "What are you doing to help make it stop? Are you in therapy? Are you developing healthy relationships? Are you doing self care? Are you reflecting on your daily struggles and successes to keep growing as a person and learning how to be a stable human being?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bxfga9", "comment_id": "eq6wxmz"}, {"question": "Is watching porn okay?", "description": "So I've been living with my girlfriend for 6 months now and all is going so so well. She works about an hour away on the train, and I work locally but I do sleep-ins, 3 days on 4 days off.\nWe still have a healthy sex life since moving in, which I'm very happy and relieved about.\nBut on my days off or if I'm bored whatever, it's nice to beat the meat/choke the chicken or whatever. The other day I have her my phone to google a recipe and the search bar popped up with pornhub and she confronted me about it, quite annoyed about the fact I had been watching porn. \nI'm kinda confused because I've always thought she knew, but didn't approach it almost like a taboo.\nIs it okay to watch porn in a relationship?", "answer": "both people have to be on the same page. not a matter of ok or not ok. it's one of the many things couples have to reach consensus on.it can be big in some relationships,  like god/no god, or kids/no kids.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q7w9f", "comment_id": "dcx7t5v"}, {"question": "SNRI and recreational drugs", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am a 27 y/o male who's been dealing with depression and anxiety for 14 years now. 3 months ago I finally found the courage to visit a psychiatrist and I started taking 75 mg Argofan(venlafaxinum). I suppose I got lucky because it seems like it was a hit on the first try as I'm feeling so much better now. \n\nMy question is related to cocaine, I've tried it like three times before I started taking antidepressants and I was very cautious about mixing the ADs with anything else because I've read about serotonine syndrome. That said I wonder what would the safe approach be, If I wanted to take cocaine again (not talking about continuous drug abuse, it would be like once a year kind of thing). Would skipping two doses of the AD be enough to prevent excess of serotonine?\n\n My understanding is that venlafaxinum is pretty much completely out of the body 24 hours after taking it but I'm concerned about some long lasting effects it has on the central nervous system. The answer to my question is not particularly easy to google and I figured I would try to ask here for some insight before consulting my psychiatrist.", "answer": "This is a good question.  Most of the literature examines SSRI interaction rather than SNRI interactions.  It seems like an unsafe choice .\n\nStopping your SNRI for 2 days will not help and you may getting really bad side effects . \nMy concern is that if you got really sick , it may be hard to know right away if you are experiencing withdrawal or interaction, as there are some overlaps .\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/10743914/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4444546/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3377381/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fee95r", "comment_id": "fjvvkop"}, {"question": "Can human skin absorb enough water to stay safely hydrated?", "description": "This is about someone else: M 38 5'11\" 170ish. He says he's on a 48 hour \"dry fast.\" That means that not only does he not consume food, but he doesn't drink fluids as well. He also cannot bathe or shower or brush his teeth or come in any contact with water because it can be absorbed through the skin and defeat the purpose of the dry fast.\n\nMy question is less about the validity of this diet or my acquaintance's health (seems like a bad idea) and more about how much can our skin really absorb. Could a person stop consuming fluids and \"drink\" solely through their skin?\n", "answer": "Skin exists to be a barrier and absorbs very little. As a sort of test of concept, consider sitting in a sauna or, at an even greater extreme, a bathtub. Nobody ever gets water intoxication from absorbing too much, but people do become dehydrated because the heat of water triggers sweating. Fluid passes only one way through skin, and that way is out.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "96qxzu", "comment_id": "e42jrhx"}, {"question": "Grandma refuses to drink water. At our wits end.", "description": "**Age:** 85\n\n**Sex:** Female\n\n**Height:** 4'9\"\n\n**Weight:** 100 lbs\n\n**Race:** Asian\n\n**Duration:** 1 month \n\n**Location:** Lungs\n\n**Medical Issues:** Low blood sugar, has a colostomy bag, has a catheter, fractured spine, cannot walk, cannot swallow liquids, is currently only eating pureed foods\n\n**Medications:** N/A\n\n**Background:** My grandmother was recently discharged from the hospital (she was admitted to the hospital for a number of life threatening issues that have since been resolved). \n\n**Current Issues:** She is now at a nursing home and because she failed her swallow tests with the speech therapist at the hospital, the doctors told us that she is not able to drink water because she may aspirate and develop pneumonia. She has been given pureed foods and thickened water but she **absolutely** refuses to drink thickened water even though we told her it is necessary for her well-being and survival. For the past few days, I've been forcing half spoons of thickened water into her mouth but now she is starting to resist.\n\n**Question:** Do you guys have any suggestions as to how I can help keep her hydrated? Is it possible to hook her up to an IV at the nursing home (in the hospital, she tore out her IV by herself so I'm not even sure if that's useful). \n\nI hate seeing her like this. When she was admitted to the hospital, the doctors told us that they didnt think she'd survive but she beat the odds. I don't want her to develop complications from dehydration.", "answer": "This is when it's important to have a conversation with your grandmother and the whole family about what the goals are here. If she's miserable eating water, is that a life worth prolonging? Would it be preferable to run the risk of aspiration and serious illness or death? Would she want a feeding tube instead (I can't say that it's an option in her case, but it sometimes is). IV hydration? The current situation is not making her happy, and she should have a say in her care if she's able.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pwis9", "comment_id": "e0elost"}, {"question": "Pain at the middle-bottom of my sternum, where diaphragm is. What is it?", "description": "Earlier this morning I started to sweat and I became very hot. I thought it was from hunger so I grabbed a sleeve of saltines and ate about half of the sleeve. A few moments after the bottom of my sternum started to hurt right where the diaphragm is. It hurts if I flex down towards that area. I think it may be muscular but I'm also concerned it may be gall stones due to my sweating earlier. What could it be?\n\nEDIT: I am 105 pounds, low cholesterol, 14 years old, male", "answer": "No idea. But youre 14, so it's probably nothing sinister, and id be surprised if youd already developed gallstones (assuming OK weight for your height and diet!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lptce", "comment_id": "dbxy15w"}, {"question": "When girls say they find confidence attractive, what do they actually mean by confidence?", "description": "What would be some examples of confidence they would find attractive?", "answer": "Confidence is essentially having the bravery to put yourself out there, be vulnerable, and courageous.  \n\n\nWhat I mean by this is someone who doesn't let the fear of failure keep them from trying.  This has to do with relationships both platonic and romantic, career, competition.  \n\n\nThe people who try and fail, brush themselves off without ruminating over failures and get back in the ring are not the losers.  The losers are the ones who never put themselves out their and let their fears control them.  \n\n\nEveryone no matter how confident they appear has anxiety and a fear of failure.  The confident folks are the ones who do what they want to do despite the anxiety.  The less confident folks let their anxiety dictate their actions.  \n\n\nThis Teddy Roosevelt quote sums it up nicely:\n\n\"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.\u201d", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b5nsp7", "comment_id": "ejfbgff"}, {"question": "Random \"manic\" like internal monologue.", "description": "I've wondered and googled this a lot but never seem to find the right answer. I often experience my inner monologue leading it's own life. nothing new right?   Random thoughts and subjects , sound like adhd to me. \n\nBut when i'm off to mental limbo i sometimes catch my internal monologue mumbling like a crazy cat lady. For example when i just walked up the stairs i thought \"feeding my lantern was never easy, but when he gets admitted  taking the bus will be a walk in the park.\" ehhhm.. what? \n\nthese thoughts go on continuously without ending a sentence, they're like a soft radio noise in the back of my head while my body is in auto pilot until i catch myself doing this.  these random stories are much less ongoing when i take concerta. \n\nsometimes  at the end of the day, after a night of barely sleeping  it feels like my body goes on auto pilot and mind will join. and my conscious self is somewhere in the back of my head, coming back only to occasionally stir the wheel so i won't completely stop driving. \n\nhow many of you experience this? this thought mania of random words and sentences. are you feeding your lantern or is taking the buss already a walk in the park?  ", "answer": "I think you may need a mental health eval. It's not out of the realm of ADHD, but it's definitely not normal either. Call your psychiatrist. Those 'radio noises' are something you should be looking into.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4kfk8p", "comment_id": "d3ex80e"}, {"question": "21M, neurologist diagnosed pseudodementia which is often confused with true neurological dementia", "description": "21M 5'8\" 150lb Caucasian, Symptoms= memory loss & cognitive difficulties, heat intolerance, erectile dysfunction.\n\nSo 5 years ago I entered the hospital for the first time with complaints of memory loss and cognitive complaints, and since it has definetely become debilitating I am no longer able to work or study in college,I am gradually withdrawing from all aspects of my life in the past months I spend all my time indoors at my parents house.\n\nI went to one of the most qualified neurologists at the hospital and explained my symptoms, the neurologist went into very in depth explanation about Apathy and dementia. She explained that people with neurological disorders become apathetic, and lose interest in all activities because they have difficulty figuring out how to do an activity and lose motivation. So she recommended to my mom that I need to start more activities and make a schedule of daily goal oriented activities for my brain, which is what people with real dementia get recommended.\n\nThe problem is... well it's not pseudodementia the neurologist even said that I should be able to improve if I begin antidepressants and goal oriented activities daily, but I have been continuing to get worse very very consistently.\n\nI never get better every month there is a consistent deterioration in my symptoms there has never been an improvement it is completely real dementia and it is what I have known for years now.\n\nI have a real completely real neurological disorder for example= multiple sclerosis(just an example I can't know which disorder I have).\n\nI highly suspect multiple sclerosis because I have many symptoms which are common in MS, heat intolerance, memory problems, irritated vision", "answer": "The odds of having dementia in your twenties, regardless of the type of dementia, are minuscule. MS doesn't have highly classic symptoms because of its variability, but what you describe isn't a classic presentation, and in fact what would be expected is usually symptoms that appear and disappear.\n\nYou don't mention any diagnostic workup or any medications tried. What has been done about this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e60yqd", "comment_id": "f9nb6n2"}, {"question": "Struggling with social skills and stress.Any advice", "description": "I am a single eighteen year old.\nJobless, flatting and studying at university.\nWeekday daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning going to university for couple hours. See friends for a couple of hours, go home watch TV, play Xbox or games on my laptop then fall asleep listening to music. Weekend daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning, watching movies, TV or playing Xbox or games on my laptop until evening where I will drink with friends and go out. \nFeeling very depressed recently and am not happy with my current lifestyle. \nI am boring. I am very self-conscious. No interests or hobbies I can relate to others with. I feel useless and sick of wasting my time. \nI am sick of being single. However I\u2019m so shy it\u2019s hard for me to meet new girls. I only feel comfortable with people after knowing them for a while and that\u2019s no good at a club. The only way I get a bit of confidence is when I drink. I can actually hold a conversation with new people I meet, when normally when I\u2019m sober I will struggle to hold a conversation. But I still won\u2019t have enough confidence to approach a girl. Even when I somehow manage to get with a girl once I\u2019ve sobered up I go back into my shell. I actually think my drinking\u2019s becoming a problem recently since I don\u2019t seem to be able to have fun at a pub or club unless I am drinking. It seems like i need it to have fun.\nI am not a very good people\u2019s person. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough around new people, until then I\u2019m socially awkward. I hate feeling this way and is a reason i don't look forward to working. I don\u2019t want to be forced to be in situations where I feel awkward for ages with co-workers or customers. It is also very hard to get a job for me without knowing people with my lack of job experience.\nI am quite short, only about 5\u201d7 possibly, and quite scrawny. Scared of being in a fight or hit. However I don\u2019t think I\u2019m that bad looking either. I have bad acne on my back and shoulders which I am very self-confident about though. I hate being short, having tiny arms and acne.\nI have wanted to take up boxing, to get over my fear of fighting and hopefully build self-confidence. Combined with exercise at the gym. I am currently too broke to do these and my lack of self-confidence makes me really out of place going to places like these, i won't know what im doing and usually too shy to ask for help. Plus my friends arent into gyms or boxing. I have also wanted to learn guitar and relearn the piano, but without both these instruments I cannot do this. I want something I am able to invest my time in and take my mind off life.\nI don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to friends about how bad I\u2019ve been feeling lately, especially after a mate recently announced to people he\u2019s depressed. I don\u2019t want to put my problems on friends and the few friends I am close enough to tell I don\u2019t see often since I\u2019m an hour away. It just seems to get more stressful for me the longer it goes on.\nI guess I want advice hopefully, possibly from people who have been in this situation and how they dealt with it. \n", "answer": "Thanks for sharing :) A few thoughts for you\n\n1) You should consider seeing a counselor. If you were sick you would go to a doctor, so if you are depressed you should see a therapist. They will help you with your depression and also with your confidence issues.\n2) It sounds like you are putting too much importance on finding a girl. Girls are nice but are not the only nice thing in life, and if you are fixated on meeting a girl then you will feel bad until that happens (which may not be for awhile). Find goals outside of meeting a girl and focus on them.\n3) You need to branch out and start adding new things to your life. Join a club, take a class in something you're interested in, go to a meetup event, visit a church, visit a museum, volunteer somewhere -- basically, do something that is outside of your routine where you will have the chance to learn and grow. Make a goal of doing one thing you've never done before, every week. Money may be an issue in some cases, but there are lots of free or low cost opportunities out there, and many places that charge will offer low-cost or free opportunities to students and people without much money (just ask!)\n4) Start running twenty minutes a day (or doing twenty minutes a day of some other kind of exercise.) If your body is not healthy then your emotions will not be healthy either. You're not trying to turn into Hercules or anything -- you just want to be in ok shape and get your blood flowing.\n5) Consider telling some of your friends about how you're feeling. If they are close friends and they care about you, hopefully they will respond with empathy and kindness. You should especially do this if the depression gets worse and you start considering harming yourself.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1guqxt", "comment_id": "cap95cx"}, {"question": "Writing a book, don't want to misrepresent mental health", "description": "I'm writing a fantasy book in which one of the characters suffers from PTSD. I'd like to make sure I'm treating the subject with the sensitivity it deserves and hopefully not spreading dangerous misinformation about the disorder. I do have a scene written in which a character has a traumatic flashback which is the focus of my request.\n\nWhat I am asking for is ways in which I can improve my handling of the issue, and any mistakes I'm making. I'll DM the google doc link to anyone offering their kind assistance on this matter.", "answer": "As both a reader and a therapist, I definitely recommend having a therapist read through your full draft once you are done! That goes double if you write any scenes that involve therapy at any point, which are often veeeeery painful to read. :)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk8wh5", "comment_id": "fwvuyik"}, {"question": "I can't make meaningful connection with people", "description": "I've never really been a talkative person. When I was little I rarely spoke to people and still wouldn't speak a lot with the few friends I made. If a friend moved or I didn't see them much I would simply cut all contact, even if I started seeing them around more regularly both in and out of class; I would do my best to avoid them. This has continued for as long as I can remember but I have no idea why it started or why I keep doing it (habit maybe?).\n\nI am currently seeing psychologists and psychiatrists at my university to figure out what is wrong with me. At the moment, they don't have a clue. They first thought is was depression and or schizoaffective disorder but through many many sessions and some tests, they found that it was not the case. One doctor was looking into PTSD for violent nightmares and a lack of closeness with any members of my family but there's seemingly nothing there; no abuse, sexual or physical, no odd behaviors from them, and plenty of happy memories as child.\n\nI have plenty of good friends currently but none I can open up to. There's nothing wrong with them; they're not bad people, they don't spout off peoples' secrets to others. I just can't seem to find the ability to have more intimate conversations. This has also led to issues with relationships. I either can't start one or they simply to short (a few months short).\n\nWith me leaving college soon (a year and a couple months) and from what I've heard about how hard it is to meet people as an adult, I'm worried that I've past the point of no return and will not be able to have things like a family and life long friends or being able to live a normal life and I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do?", "answer": "I'm in a similar boat except based on what you wrote I think I put more effort into maintaining friendships. Since I struggle myself I definitely don't have all the answers, but I'll list some things. Having roommates can help, talking to people at work, and getting into a social hobby. If you want a family you could try online dating, although I haven't been a huge fan of that myself.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7s1llk", "comment_id": "dt1gpou"}, {"question": "Haven't smoked weed in 10 years now", "description": "I'm glad this reddit exists, just found it today. Here is my story FWIW\n\nI discovered pot my freshmen year in college. Got high listening to Rush...been a fan ever since. Dont think i would have been a fan without the pot, lol. \n\nSmoked on a regular basis depending on availability between ages 20 and 30. Between 20 and 30 i got married, had a kid, went to lawschool, passed bar and became lawyer. Also had two acute episodes of depression and anxiety and had to go on anti-depressants (each bout was about 6 months on ssri). \n\nDuring this 10 year period, weed was mostly a help, not a hindrance. It helped me cope with lawschool, life demands, long drives, and i took the bar high. It chilled me out which i did need. made me less high strung. As we all know, its a great escape from the drudgery and boredom that is Life. It makes listening to music an euphoric experience and food tastes better. Road trips are so much more fun too. \n\nOf  course, no party lasts forever. Shortly after i began working at my first job as an attorney, I came home and did the usual with my husband-smoke some weed. Had a hard day at work and was looking to unwind.  But for the very first time....i got a panic attack. I thought i was going to die. Heart racing, arms tingling, all the usual shit. \n\nMy weed intake dropped off but i didn't quit. I wouldn't spaz out everytime and it was unpredictable when i would. I recall locking myself in the bathroom and sitting in the bathtub with my then 4 year old banging on the door. Low moment. \n\nI chalked it up to job stress, then bargained with myself that i would only smoke on weekends. That worked...for a while. Then i started getting panic attacks during my weekend smoke time. \n\nThen, i moved to \"just a single hitter\" on the weekend. That was ok, for awhile. Then it wasn't ok. \n\nThe long and short, is that when i was 33, i had mostly quit. Also quit the evening coffee and went down to one cup.  We had the second kid, and my sleep schedule was terrible, my job was terrible and i had been suffering from insomnia and depression. In desperation, i smoked some of my husband's pot in an effort to sleep...and ended up in the parking lot of the emergency room. After that episode, I went on SSRI for a year, and ended up on benzos for 3 years. Haven't smoked since.  Funny enough, when i left that job (after 5.5 years), within 2 weeks i fell alseep without the benzos and have been off them every since...6 years now :)\n\nFor me, the pot stopped being a fun time, an escape, a mood enhancer. It kicked me in the face over and over again. I fondly recall when pot was fun, and its like another lifetime ago. Maybe it will be fun again, who knows, but I'm not willing to try it because the mental angst of those panic attacks were awful. ", "answer": "I quit smoking pot because I got thirsty for beer when I smoked it and once I started drinking I went out of control. To stop drinking and stay stopped I had to quit pot. It\u2019s been 39 years since I quit  and as far as I can tell I haven\u2019t missed anything.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8w56uq", "comment_id": "e1twe23"}, {"question": "Took a hepatitis B titer test. Results say I am nonreactive. What does this mean?", "description": "I am trying to job shadow at a hospital and one of the things they need is a Hep B titer test. The results came back and it says that I am nonreactive. Can I please get an explanation as to what this means? Will the hospital still let me shadow if I am not immune to Hep B?\n\nAge: 17\n\n Sex: Male\n\nHeight: 5' 5''\n\nWeight: 120 lbs\n\nRace: Asian\n\nNon smoker", "answer": "Nonreactive means negative, but what that means depends on the exact test. If your hepatitis B surface antibody (anti-HBs) is non-reactive then probably they won't want you to shadow until you have immunity. If you had a nonreactive *antigen* result in a full hep B panel then all it means is that you don't have an infection. It's the anti-surface antibody that conveys and proves immunity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "95qik8", "comment_id": "e3up5jm"}, {"question": "What is the best brand of foundation to use?", "description": "I\u2019m looking for something full coverage and that\u2019s good for oily skin. I just want to cover up as much of this shadow/skin imperfections as possible! Does anyone have any recommendations? ", "answer": "L'oreal Pro Matt Foundation. Its $10 and works better than almost anything I've tried. There are a few higher end ones that others have mentioned, but for the best value this one wins, hands down. \n\n​\n\nI also follow Nikkia Joy on Youtube, she is a make up artist who has incredibly oily skin. She does 15 hour wear tests on foundations, showing how they work on oily skin. She also has some great videos on how to get whatever make up you're wearing to stay longer. I use thin layers of setting spray, finishing powder, primer, foundation, finishing powder, and finishing spray. And it has really helped my make up wear.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9ccs8w", "comment_id": "e5adhqc"}, {"question": "I've lost everything and I have no idea what to do", "description": "In the past 3 weeks my life has complete fallen apart. It started 3 weeks ago(2 days before my birthday) when my wife told me she was unhappy and wants a divorce. I wanted to try and fix things but she said it was impossible. Over the course of our 4 years together she said she's grown to dislike being around me. Finds me annoying and boring. She says she still loves me, but can never be in love with me again. Our lease ends in 6 weeks, so we don't have a lot of time to divide everything up. But, she's definitely taking our dog.\n\nLess than a week later, I was t-boned leaving work. I suffered a concussion(including memory loss) and multiple bruised ribs. It causes me extreme pain even to breathe. Plus, my car was completely totaled. I had to miss multiple days of work. Considering I need to move into a new place by June, is especialy bad.\n\nAnd to finish off my 3 week hell, 2 days ago, my best friend(who I've know for 25 years and was planning on rooming with), decided to text my wife and ask her if she'd want to hook up now that we're divorcing. The fucked up thing is he was one of the only people I had talked to about getting divorced so far. I trusted him and talked to him about everything. After that, I told him to never speak to me again.\n\nI didn't know it was possible to lose so much so quickly. I'm in so much pain, both physical and mental. I have nothing left. I have absolutely no idea what to do anymore. I'm so lost", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through this. Unfortunately, breakups and divorces are painful. I\u2019ll tell you one thing, I\u2019d fight for that dog!  If you really love that dog and want to take care of it, put your foot down. As an animal owner and lover, my pet has helped me through a lot of difficult times. \n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "8by432", "comment_id": "dxand07"}, {"question": "Expert trauma therapists only for the wealthy?", "description": "Trauma therapist out of reach at 350 for 45 minutes.\n\nI am so disappointed. It is so very difficult to find an expert complex trauma therapist. I finally found one that I clicked with and she really sounded perfect for me with expertise that has been almost impossible to find. Then the out of network and 450 for the fist hour and 350 for 45 minutes. It is heartbreaking. There is no way with two kids in college I can afford this. I feel hopeless. So many say they have trauma experience but in NY state (upstate) they are non existent.", "answer": "I'm so sorry to hear this. That is really expensive.  \nIs online therapy an option for you? It may open up more geographic options.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gw5hzv", "comment_id": "fssypt8"}, {"question": "Seizure?", "description": "I'm pretty sure that I had a seizure while I was in jail last night. My psychiatrist has mentioned temporal lobe epilepsy to me and I'm seeing him next week. I've never had anything like a \"true\" seizure though there have been some pretty weird behaviours. Personally I think it's bipolar though I am coming around to the idea that it might be a subtle seizure disorder instead of a mood disorder.\n\nI'm not looking for an in depth psych opinion... but how to you tell seizure from mania apart?", "answer": "Were you conscious throughout the experience? As the other commenter says, youll need to give us a detailed account of what happened before/during/after. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5nvhb5", "comment_id": "dceyr2r"}, {"question": "Not that I'm up to it yet, but has anyone tried doing Step 9 (making direct amends, ect) with someone who abused them?", "description": "To refresh your memory the step says: \"9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.\"\n\n\nOur relationship was fucked up and I'm stuck thinking that if I EVER did Step 9 with them they would just take my apology/amends and RUN with it and use it as a way to continue pointing the finger and all the blame and guilt at me. I'm sure it'll get easier once I get through more of the steps, but right after the meeting on this step I was like 'how the fuck would I ever do that?!'", "answer": "They're in order for a reason. Don't get too far ahead of yourself. A good sponsor will help you recognize that we often deal with people just as sick as ourselves, but their conduct is not in our control. What is in our control is righting the wrongs that we created in an attempt to run on self will. That is where our release from alcoholism comes, that we swept our side of the street. If our sobriety was dictated by how a person reacts to our amends a lot of people would be drunk right now.\n\nThere's a lot more I could say, but for now work on the step you're on, deal with step nine when you've made your eighth step list.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "26nuy6", "comment_id": "chssjse"}, {"question": "Debating admitting myself to an inpatient mental facility.", "description": "I'm really stressed out.  Between not pissing my dad off, having to ignore my mother for 23 and a half hours out of the day, being worried my dad and I are gonna lose the house, finding a job in time to not lose the house, I feel like I have more than I can handle.  AND! On top of that, I've been hanging out with my best friend/ex-boyfriend a lot and I still have ungodly strong feelings for him (and he knows).\n\nEvery night I've been crying myself to sleep, without fail.  I start thinking things I shouldn't think, like things I've done in the past, or playing situations in my head that either don't exist, or have happened and ended with a bad consequence. Or trying to replay the situation and acting differently.\n\nI am by no means sane.  According to my doctors, I'm on the cusp of being a successful member of society or being in an asylum.  I'm trying SO HARD to not be a psychopath.\n\nI've been considering admitting myself to an inpatient mental treatment program but I just don't know if it's a good idea.  I've been in a program before, and it worked to some degree, but obviously not enough.  I don't know if going again would be what I need or if it wouldn't help me at all.", "answer": "Don't worry- you're not a psychopath, you're just dealing with some severe anxiety. Doesn't make you a bad or broken person, just that you need help.\n\nAlso- hospitalization is only to get you stable- to ensure a basic level of functioning and that you're not a danger to yourself. For it to be effective, it needs to be followed up by outpatient therapy.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "tarqt", "comment_id": "c4m7qm5"}, {"question": "Driving me crazy", "description": "Me 29M, her 35,\n\nSingle for quiet a long time, a good few years.. \n\nWas talking to this girl who was married for 9 years, divorced couple of years ago, she's got 2 kids older one is 10. she's had a few relationships after her divorce. She did tell me she's got remnants of her ex which she's trying to move on from.. she also said that there's nothing between them anymore.. but she keeps in touch with her ex's as she says she doesn't like breaking ties as they were good friends once. I started liking her since I saw her first time. We were good friends until I felt the need of telling her how I would want to get along with her as in get married to her. I understand she's been through divorce and dealt with few breakups. But what she did a week before made me think about moving on with her. She spent whole weekend with her ex.. tho she said everythings finished between them. It's just friendship. we didn't promise relationship or marriage to each other yet. But we were talking about it. I don't know how I can deal with this situation. She tells me she likes me once and the next moment she says she don't see any future of us together.. it's more like I can't be with her knowing the fact that she's still involved with her ex and I can't be without her as this is the only thing I ever wanted to happen. Have her in my life. ", "answer": "you have to let go if she's involved with her ex.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmtz7", "comment_id": "dbp44bf"}, {"question": "Need help with getting the most put of therapy?", "description": "So I've been to two therapist in my life. One was male who I opened up to right off the bat. The second one was female. I wasnt quite sure how to open up to her. Idk if it was their gender or their personalities but i felt like i got way more accomplished with the first one. Im not at the same facility anymore and idk what to do. Im not sure what is appropriate to talk about with them and Im not sure whats too big or too small to talk about. And i feel like they are bsing me sometime. I plan to go back to the second one but im.not sure how that would work. There are other options i believe but i dont want to waste anymore time than i have. How can I get the most out of therapy?", "answer": "My general rule is to give a therapist 3 sessions.  If after the 3rd, you don't feel like you're getting much out of it, either have the conversation with the therapist or look to move on to a different therapist.  \n\n\nSome therapists may be great, but not necessarily a great fit for you and as frustrating as it can be, sometimes you have to shop around until you find one that works for you.  \n\n\nGenerally, we're willing to work with you on whatever issues you present.  For both your own wellbeing and the relationship you have with your therapists, it's generally better to get to know them before discussing any severe traumatic experiences in detail, but short of that, anything and everything is fair game, so long as you're comfortable talking about it.  \n\n\nI would say when self-reflecting, either talking about things that you might not feel comfortable talking about with anyone else or talking about things that you really want more unbiased/objective feedback on is a good way to use therapy.  With the latter though, keep in mind, good therapists aren't going to just give you straight up advice or tell you what to do, but help you figure out the best path for yourself.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91u1q3", "comment_id": "e30uv2z"}, {"question": "Being 34, how do I make friends?", "description": "I have a group of 4 or 5 that I thought were friends, but the more I think about they are just acquaintances, we chat a little bit, but not about anything real, they never ask me to hang out, only do things when I initiate, and even then it's just small talk with no substance for the most part. \n\nI've known half of them for 20+ years, and they will go days between messages even.\n\nI'd go for someone that I can just chat with consistently at this point, but would like a couple friends, and better yet a couples friend too that we can invite over to play risk or whatever. \n\nBut I have no idea how to go about this?  ", "answer": "Find a subculture and get involved. Board games, knitting, ceramics, cooking, rock climbing, running, slacklining, painting, singing, dancing.. some activity or hobby that you really dig. The more you dig it the better. Find a group that meets regularly to engage in this activity (at least 1-2x/week) and show up consistently. The more passionate you are about the activity, the more you're naturally and easily gonna get close to the people around you. The \"making friends\" part at that point won't require much effort. \n\nEdit- Posted this before reading the comments, seeing now that pretty much everyone else is saying the same thing. You know what you need to do. Good luck", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7kjqca", "comment_id": "drf4pu7"}, {"question": "Getting tested for ADD next wednesday, one question before that...", "description": "Sorry for possible grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.\n\nI'm currently studying mechatronics on my 6\u00b0 semester of college, and lately I've been getting more and more aware of certain behaviours that have caused me issues the last couple years which I think might be related to an attention disorder. \n\nI have already scheduled and appointment for a diagnosis so before I get a definite answer I wish to know: \n\n\"Is it even possible for me to get an engineering related degree, specially mechatronics?\".\n\nI'm not precisely someone who can put much effort into difficult things and there's nothing else special about me so each time i think about this it just seems impossible. If any of you have similar experiences I would be happy to read about them", "answer": "I am one semester away from getting my Masters in Clinical Psychology. If you are passionate and enjoy it, you will excel. My masters has about 400 applicants and 21 positions (based on life experience, job experience, and personality). Most people apply years in a row. I got it first time around. This was after getting into my honours (based on grades). If I can do this, you can do what you have a desire for.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22gpz", "comment_id": "eiq2u1x"}, {"question": "Do doctors not take case reports seriously?", "description": "My mom is in her early 60s and around 5'2\".  We went to her primary care doctor and an ENT for her symptom of a burning tongue.  Primary care doctor basically said he didn't know how to treat it and prescribed prilosec for acid reflux.  ENT basically said there is no cure and said to try Zantac.  \n\nI came across this case report of a woman around the same age who had very similar symptoms.\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4401976/  \nTurns out she had HSV-1.  \n\nWe brought this up to both docs and they refused to test for it.  ", "answer": "Not my field. In general, case reports need to be taken seriously but with a few grains of salt. They're not solid evidence to make medical decisions with. They're not *no* evidence, and if you have nothing else that's what you use, but they're not the best.\n\nIn this case I'm not sure. Testing for HSV-1 or trying treatment seems like a relatively low-risk option. But doctors are only human and don't like to be caught being ignorant, even of a single case study. They might just be doubling down on an original decision even if it's wrong to avoid admitting that they didn't know.\n\nI don't have the full story, of course. There may be good reason for what they're doing. But there isn't always.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b2ojn", "comment_id": "dx3ity1"}, {"question": "Huge Mood Swings", "description": "I am 16, Male                                             \nSo I noticed a few months from now I started having lots of mood swings\nBasically what would happen was that sometimes I would \"being on the top of the world and nothing could bring me down\" feeling though I felt very *irritated* if someone told me to do some work or something. Sometimes I was too depressed/anxious, hating my life, my family etc (though I never had suicidal thoughts) and even a tiny thing like what someone said would make me anxious and sad, I have also seen that being a little hungry made  me be a little happy and being too hungry usually worsened the anxiety \nI attributed these mood swings to puberty but these mood swings are worsening, sometimes to the point I can't study due to me being in a too good mood or too bad mood.                         \nAlso I sometimes very rarely tend to have a blank kind of phase, where the normal thing that made me happy (like thinking about my crush or playing the new game I brought) does not effect me and the sad feeling went away too, I ignored them because I think it is puberty but yesterday my facial muscles kind of trembled when I was trying to smile, I don't think it was due to the cold.                         \n***Please tell me is this a normal thing in puberty or if I need help                            Also I don't want to tell my parents until I am certain because they make a fuss about it and in the end the only response i get is  \"you think too much because you watch all these movies and shows and stuff\"***                                     \nP.S. I think my father has thes mood swing too (I am not certain) and I had a kind of a tough and a bit abusive childhood (although it's gotten better now)", "answer": "To clarify - how long does the elation or irritability last - minutes/hours/days before changing?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5j5di0", "comment_id": "dbe35e0"}, {"question": "[22/m] Scared of dates losing their luster.", "description": "Me and my girlfriend have had trouble in the past, but recently I realized one of my own personal failings is that I didn't put enough emotion in to the relationship. I rarely enforced the idea that I loved her and I always thought that saying it once was enough. So recently when we went to the movies and noticed that Tuesdays were 5$ movie night, she said we should see more movies. I told her we could make Tuesday date night and go see a movie every week if she wanted to. She seemed really for it.\n\nMY question is, how do I keep this from getting stale? So far we have really enjoyed it and cuddle during the movie and whisper and have fun, but I'm scared that over time the idea of going out every single week won't have the same charm for us. ", "answer": "stale is what you feel, not what you do. just have fun, and if it's not, then do something else.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63vkl4", "comment_id": "dfxeq4r"}, {"question": "I dont think I have a tail bone!", "description": "Hi, I'm a 22 year old white British female in a healthy weight range and no major health issues that I know of! Basically as the title says I think I was born without a tail bone, my mum has mentioned this in the past but said that the doctors never really looked into it when I was a child. I've had a little Google and can't seem to find anything about not having a tail bone so I have no idea if it's something I should bring up on my next GP visit. I've always had issues with my hips since I can remember, If I walk a long distance I get a feeling like my hip isn't quite in the right place, sometimes quite painful, and sometimes feels like it 'pops'. It's honestly hard to explain. Also I have two deep dimples about an inch above where my tail bone/spine appears to end which have been there since I was a baby. I have no idea whether the hip issues and dimples are related to not having a tale bone (I can take pics if it would be helpful). I have had a feel of the area on several occasions and it feels completely different to my OH (who has a completely normal tale bone) more like a rounded stump with no sort of curve inwards. Is this something I should be worried about? Should I consult my GP or will I just sound like an idiot?", "answer": "It sounds... unlikely. You never know - your GP will have your childhood records anyway. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9kt17i", "comment_id": "e71mj3i"}, {"question": "M25 F21", "description": "Me and this girl have been seeing each other an our sex life and problems are being voiced to her friends, and her friends are telling her to ask me for space in which I am, I've only texted her once to tell her hope she had a good day no response, I came on a bit strong as we've only been seeing 2 months and told her I was terrified of losing her. I ignored her last message which seemed like a cry for help, but i was at work and got off around 3am so didnt feel the need to respond. She wants space, but also said she doesnt wanna stop talking, she really likes me and cares about me ( both of those were texts out of the blue) and she said shes not breaking it off she just needs space. I just need advice on how to proceed, I like this girl within the first two weeks ive met her parents which according to her took a shine to me.", "answer": "she's contradicting herself. i would keep other opportunities open as she's mixed up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6barhw", "comment_id": "dhl30gh"}, {"question": "What's your perspective on people who are mostly \"fine\" in therapy?", "description": "Hey, I just made an appointment with a therapist who primarily uses CBT. I have thought about this off and on for a while (I'm 30) because I know so many people who talk about how much therapy helped them, but also I feel like I don't have anything too serious to talk about: \n\n--I feel like I have some social anxiety issues to work through but nothing that really affects my life in a big way-- I don't avoid social occasions or anything, it's more just this feeling that people often don't like me that much which gets in the way of deeper friendships. (I think this is sometimes true, but not always, and a bit of a vicious circle).\n\n-- In general, I wish I was more confident and had better self esteem. \n\n-- I'm going back and forth right now about whether I'm happy in my long term relationship. \n\n--I am moody more often than I'd like, but again this isn't something that affects my life in a real way. \n\nI guess I just feel like I'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. Overall my life is good. I don't have trauma, or clinical depression (I don't think). I'm curious about your perspectives on this. Thanks!", "answer": "Although I get folks coming at me with the torches and pitchforks on here for saying this, I think it's important if not necessary to have goals for therapy going in.  I don't think how severe your symptoms are or issues are have anything to do with whether you should be in therapy or shouldn't.  If you have things you want to work on or try to get more insight into, have a fairly clear idea (and from what you posted you certainly do), then you're a perfect candidate for therapy.\n\n\nThe only issue I've had for some clients is when they've come in, say they want to be in therapy, but continuously say there's nothing bothering them, nothing wrong, and can't identify what they actually want to get out of therapy.... and then for this to go on for several sessions.  At a certain point, it feels like I'm just stealing their money even though many would be more than happy to keep forking it over without us actually doing therapy.  \n\n\nOne common saying I find myself using with a lot of folks though is \"Everyone's crazy.  It's just a matter of what way and how much.  If you are able to accept that and have some idea of what way and how much, you're 10 steps ahead of all the people out there who think they've completely got their shit together.\"  I'm a firm believer in this.  I think everyone can benefit from therapy.  They just have to have some idea of what they're hoping to get out of it.  \n\n\nIt sounds like you've got that figured out though!  I hope you find someone who's a really good fit for you!  Best of luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1he67", "comment_id": "ereqvn7"}, {"question": "Laws re: accessibility in hotels", "description": "Hi all,\nI\u2019m hoping it\u2019s ok to ask these questions here. Short background: I have a moderate physical disability that makes using stairs painful, exhausting, and at times impossible. I reserved a room at hotel after seeing some rooms labeled \u201csecond floor\u201d on the website, and others without label. I maybe stupidly assumed the non-labeled rooms were first floor. It turned out to be a second floor room and there was no elevator. i returned to the check in area when I realized this to request a refund, but no one was there and no one returned for 45 minutes. I left after 45 minutes, leaving a VM on the hotel\u2019s phone # and also sending them and email. In both, I explained the situation and why I left, and requested a refund since I couldn\u2019t access the room. They emailed back about 12 hours later and denied my request. Should I push back? Are they required to note that a room is entirely handicap inaccessible (second floor, no elevator) in advertising or during booking? Are they just kind of assholes but within their legal rights? What would you do? \nI am somewhat newly disabled and have never encountered anything like this.", "answer": "Just wanted to say thanks again to all of you for the info and kindness. I\u2019m realizing that there\u2019s going to be a pretty steep learning curve as I re-enter society bit by bit. I retried the whole hotel stay thing again yesterday because I was worried it would become a big thing in my head and I\u2019d never do it again. I went to a chain hotel and called ahead - completely different experience, everyone was kind and helpful. Kindness makes such a humongous different in these situations, huh?", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "caf6f5", "comment_id": "et9pway"}, {"question": "How do you cope/self care?", "description": "As this is a mental health sub, with a diverse community of people who care about their mental health.....\n\nI wanted to know how different people practice mental health self care. Do you have any daily/weekly practices for your mental health? Do you have ways of noticing when you need some extra self love? \n\nIf you have diagnoses, feel free to share those too, and the things you do to specifically cope with your mental health disabilities. I find these topics especially interesting.\n\nComment them! I'd love to try different ways of caring for myself, and I think it would be a cool reference for anyone else who wants to do the same. \n\nMay you all have a wonderful day! ", "answer": "As a therapist it's completely necessary to take regular stock of my own mental/emotional health.  I have a ton of coping skills I alternate between depending on what I need and what's convenient.  Here's just a few:\n\n* 1.  Playing guitar/singing\n* 2.  Cooking\n* 3.  Video games\n* 4.  Writing/blogging\n* 5.  Playing D&D w/ friends\n* 6.  Talking it out with my wife.\n* 7.  Listening to music\n* 8.  Reading fiction\n* 9.  Taking a very long very hot shower\n* 10.  Playing with or cuddling my cat\n\n\nI've been diagnosed with ADHD.  I went undiagnosed and untreated (medically) until I was 31.  Honestly, meds have been the most important thing to help me cope.  Aside from that, using a planner consistently, making lists with check boxes for very short term manageable goals, and keeping track of my diet (making sure I'm not skipping meals).\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9iv38m", "comment_id": "e6mo7gr"}, {"question": "Need some advice. Should I find a new psychiatrist? Was she doing the right thing?", "description": "I seriously don't believe i have bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist didn't even ask many questions. She literally was like so why are you here and i said for a psych eval. First of all she didn't talk for like 5 minutes and was on her computer typing away and then she said that. I had to figure out what to tell her and it was never in order. It was like everywhere and i have horrible memory in general plus i haven't slept for so damn long so it was even worse. Thankfully, i brought my 16 page diary and she said she didn't have time to read it and didn't want to take it and read it after the intake or when she was off work. She didn't give me anything for the anxiety and worrying that i do. I think i should've just got prozac and that's it.I don't even think i have symptoms of bipolar disorder. She said the anxiety, the worrying, the excessive spending, and the seeing things or hearings or thinking someone is coming after me is a part of bipolar disorder. She said i have bipolar with psychotic features. I'm gonna get a second opinion. I think she just wanted to give me something to get her money's worth.\n\n​\n\nI have a horrible time telling people my issues unless im directly asked. I thought she was gonna ask all the questions the social worker asked 2 days ago. She didn't even ask me if i was having suicidal thoughts but i told her after we were sort of done. She just didn't seem like she cared but just wanted to push pills on me. I mainly went to see her because I haven't slept well or at all for the past 25 days and because I had severe episodes of panic within a week and ended up in the hospital twice because of it. I have been seeing stuff and have been paranoid but its not the same as it has been in the past. Should I look for another psychiatrist? I waited for so long to see her and she didn't seem as well rounded or professional.\n\n​\n\nShe even asked me how to spell some medications that I'm allergic to. I told her I'm using CBD and she said cannabis and i said no it's cannabidiol and she couldn't spell it. I just think she half assed her job and didn't really care. She barely looked at me in the beginning until she started asking some questions and then gave me a diagnosis. This was obviously an intake and I was there I think for maybe an hour or a little bit less. Waited to see her for 10-15 minutes. I was also on time. Then the receptionist tells me I can't be more than 5 minutes late because she's seeing patients back to back. But it's okay for her to be 15 minutes late???! Like wtf. Anyway, I would like to get some advice from a psychiatrist specifically but input from other doctors are welcome.\n\n​\n\np.s.- Forgot to mention that she prescribed me risperidone and trileptal. Would like some advice on whether I should take them or not. Also,forgot to mention that they accidentally gave me a psychiatrist who only sees adolescents. \n\n​\n\n* Age: 25\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'1 1/2\n* Weight: 90 lbs\n* Race: Asian\n* Duration of complaint: a day or two\n* Location (Geographic and on body): N/A\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): ADHD, Anxiety, high blood pressure\n* Current medications (if any): Chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Xanax 0.25mg, Ativan 0.5mg\n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "If you're asking us whether or not you have bipolar disorder, I'd say I don't know.\n\nYou told us a lot about what she did, but little about your complaints and what brought you to her. \n\nI can tell that you feel like the conversation you had was not pleasant, and I am sorry for that. Hopefully your relationship with her will improve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chmycz", "comment_id": "euvkx30"}, {"question": "Can we talk about how learning how to drive with ADHD is debilitating af?", "description": "I know everyone doesn't have the same experience across the board, but a lot of people with ADHD I meet got their drivers license later.\n\nI'm 28, I still don't have mine. From a combination of loathing learning all the little things, trying to keep concentration while on the road, needing instructions to be more clear and ahead of time while driving with my parents, getting into fights with my parents about their teaching style, both of us mutually abandoning it because it was causing too much stress, the highschool driving instructor I had who's teaching style worked very well with my learning style took a long leave of absence so I couldn't hire him as a driving instructor\n\nAND THEN\n\nNot realizing how not having my license for years would add up in jobs I couldn't get(who's pay was always higher than the retail jobs I was working) because I needed to drive a work vehicle or the workplace was over an hour by bus but only 20 mins by car. \n\nI'm reflecting on this now because of corona, and the jobs I could apply for easily if I had a license, and oh yeah a vehicle. Never tried to get jobs with higher wages so I could \"save up for a car,\" I don't have a license, so why would I be thinking about that???\n\nPeople make fun of me when they find out I don't have a driver's license at 28, and I ramble off some excuses that are partially true, but also I just had unmanaged ADHD as a teen, and overworked parents(who probably also have ADHD) who didn't push me too hard to follow up on it or explain why it was tedious but super useful to get it done then.\n\nAt least I can relate to the I'm gay and can't drive memes????", "answer": "Yep! I tried to get my licence when I was 17 and couldn't. I joined the military soon after and got my license while serving because I did a week long driving course that did high intensity driving 12 hours a day for five days. \n\nOne hour a fortnight was never going to work.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jy0kpv", "comment_id": "gd0rdju"}, {"question": "I took part in a BPD research study and just found a the PDF of a presentation that the center and my therapist made. I feel crushed and ghoulish.", "description": "I saw my therapist for 1.5 years. I thought she was great in many ways, and what allowed much of that was her pulling the mask off of me, my bs and the narrative I have made for therapists (and ultimately myself). Also, unlike other therapists I had before, she didn\u2019t have to protect her ego and prove herself to me. It was rough, and I often stirred up storms to deflect what was beneath. All sessions were videotaped so I think I was never truly able to feel like I could expose myself, though the extent that I did was a lot even for me. I always had a problem with her not really being in my life. A \u201cstrange\u201d issue I often have with therapists, but especially her, as I was aware of wondering what it would be like to have had her for a mother.\n\nUltimately my therapy ended with her because the research study did. I could not afford her and I spent the last months trying to make her feel guilty about that, desperately believing she would keep me on as a charity case. \n\nI had a terrible day yesterday and was unable to sleep because of caffeine and anxiety. I have tried to lay off the google searches of people. I was about to Facebook search my ex but nipped in the bud. I told myself looking at my old therapist was benign. I don\u2019t know what I thought I\u2019d come across. The center the study was a part of releases books and articles and I told myself I\u2019d never look at those, since I knew I would be hurt if something was reminiscent of myself.\n\nWell, one of the top google searches was a Narcissim presentation PDF from a conference a month after my treatment ended with her. What sums it up is betrayal. I believe that it wasthe primary researchers who wrote this up, she being a therapist and not primarily a researcher, but of course I believe that part of the insights must have come from her. As I read, I was horrified by the resemblance to my sessions\u2014the so called \u201cshy narcissist\u201d with borderline organization (whatever that last one means). And then a term came up. My heart sank when I saw it. I somehow knew it had relevance to me, I just wasn\u2019t sure how. I looked up what turned out to be a Freudian concept and I couldn\u2019t believe there was his term for something that was a theme in our sessions. Learning a phrase for a concept I thought was uniquely mine, and folding it into how I am not just being paranoid about this PDF. And then on top of that some of the bullet points in this PFF were \u201cpatient trying to learn theories [psych]\u201d  \u201coveranalysis of therapist\u2019s comments\u201d and \u201cparanoia.\u201d I know I was a grade A student with the first two items, and the last one is like telling me \u201chaha just because they are after you, don\u2019t mean you\u2019re not paranoid.\u201d\n\nThe worst part is I was obviously yearning for her by searching for her today. And then to find this out I truly want to hate her but all I really want is for her to be my therapist again so I could work through this and be a better patient (funny enough, \u201cpatient needing to know \u2018value\u2019\u201d of session came up, and on a few occasions I half-jokingly would ask for her to rate the session at the end, as if I were trying to perfect the sessions).                 :\u2019(\nMy current therapist seems to know a lot about me through speaking with her, but he\u2019s young and it just is not the same. I feel as though he analyzes me like I\u2019m a piece of literary work, not a  person, and that he allows me to indulge the same.\n\nEdit: I just want to say that things are not as bad as they seem. I found an old paper from this research group that reiterated many of these comments. It still hurts to know that this was the lens I was viewed with. I shouldn\u2019t be surprised as I had come across their papers and books even before I began treatment there.", "answer": "Trying to guilt someone into liking with you makes you kind of an asshole, and you should recognize that. Bpd or not. I struggle to be aware and conscious of manipulating people and when I recognize it I would feel awful and try to work on that. To do it purposefully, well that is a bit narcissistic ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8n76fb", "comment_id": "dztb7n8"}, {"question": "Is NET a legitimate and scientific form of therapy?", "description": "My gf recently started this type of therapy for past trauma and she has been apparently feeling better from it (which is what matters in the end i suppose). I've tried to find out more about it and it seems somewhat \"new age\" and a lot of references to it are on homeopathy blogs. \n\nIs this a legit form of therapy or is it pseudo science? I'm not gonna bother her about it either way (its working) but for my own peace of mind i would like to know.", "answer": "https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-29920-003\n\nThis study found it was helpful in cancer patients .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fg160e", "comment_id": "fk8ozig"}, {"question": "Laid Off After 19 Years", "description": "As the title says I was laid off on May 31st after 19 years with the same company. I was also diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago but have been unmedicated due to medicine not being approved by a combination of my primary care and a psychologist. I have been waiting for my wife's insurance to kick in so I can go back to therapy. \n\nEvery day for the past two weeks I have been having total breakdowns daily, usually it comes from being completely overwhelmed with too many simultaneous tasks and my brain having to make order of all of them before I proceed and not being able to. I just come to a complete stop. I have made no progress since my last day of work to obtain new employment. A couple of networking meetings with acquaintances but that is about it. Any tools or strategies for some temporary relief for my overwhelmed ADHD brain until insurance kicks in again?", "answer": "I obviously can\u2019t say anything diagnostic or make treatment recommendations based off of a Reddit post, but you might consider that your recent emotional disturbances aren\u2019t just due to ADHD. Being laid off after 19 years at the same company is a huge life event, and it will likely take some time to process and understand what kind of impact it may be having on you. Difficulty concentrating, lacking motivation, and feeling sad/down are also symptoms of depression. Again, I of course could never diagnose you, but it does seem relevant that these feelings/symptoms have increased and become more disruptive to your life since you left your job. \n\nI would encourage you to be as kind, patient and gentle with yourself as you can, recognize that you\u2019re going through a major change in your life, and consider that there is probably going to be a period of adjustment to this change, during which you may experience a variety of emotions - and that all of this is perfectly normal and to be expected. Even positive life changes, like getting married or having a child, are to some degree disruptive and stressful. Humans like habit and predictability, and find change difficult. I think getting back into therapy would be to your benefit. While you are waiting, perhaps you could let trusted friends and family know what you\u2019re experiencing and ask for support. At the very least, that will mean that you aren\u2019t alone in this, and that knowledge alone can be a huge comfort. \n\nAs far as concrete steps you can take right now, there are self help type workbooks that you could use. A common technique therapists use to address motivation and encourage behavioral changes is called behavioral activation. It\u2019s a component of CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. I\u2019ve not personally used a workbook specific to this topic, but it might be worth looking into. I did a quick search and found this one:\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Depression-One-Step-Time/dp/1572243678/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=behavioral+activation+workbook&qid=1561663844&s=gateway&sprefix=behavior+acti&sr=8-1", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4bfo5", "comment_id": "es75gqe"}, {"question": "Stunned by doctors giving up - wife and i are desperate", "description": "Ill try to summarize a long story very short here. My wife is 28, 5 foot 6'' tall, about 130 pounds, hispanic. when she was 21 she (and i) got an extremely nasty virus - this may or may not be revelant. It appears to have been a nasty case of mono, although we're not totally sure - we have tossed around the idea of parasites but as of now its just guessing games. we were both down and out for a month. i developed confusing insomnia and neurological issues, she developed GI issues. either way, within a month my wife's stomach started killing her, heavy distension, bloating, constipation blending with loose stool depending on the day. we talked to doctors, i was very concerned - the distension could get as bad as 7-8 months pregnant quite frequently and there were very few days where her stomach was ever in good shape. then things took a step up - about 3 years ago she had an \"attack\", where the distension went insane, and for 3 hours i watched my wife curled up in a ball in utter devastation. the pain from her stomach was so intense she went into shock. She couldnt stop vomiting (well, her version of vomiting, she had a fundoplication when she was 10 so there was not actual vomit - basically dry gagging really hard till she almost passed out) the pain got so bad she went into shock, shivering intensely. bawling the entire time. at the ER the nurse said that there was a huge amount of air in her intestines but they werent really sure why. they got her hydrated with an iv and some muscle relaxants and after an hour of hell it finally subsided. ill never forget the look on her face when the pain let go.\n\nwe went and saw a doctor, obviously - a gastroenterologist in denver, smart guy, i was hopeful. he ran a bombardment of tests - colonoscopy, endoscopy, motility tests where she eat radiated eggs and they monitored. everything came back relatively normal. no physical obstructions detected, stomach looks good from the scope, colon looks good, small intestine looks normal. Motility at the time of the test seems fine.  we got to the point where the doc basically had no idea where the pain or bloating were coming from. oh, and she had her appendix removed when she was much younger - i originally thought this looked like appendicitis - not the case. \n\nwe tried diets, we tried allergy exclusion, we tried probiotics, prebiotics, cut drinking, you name it. nothing helped.  6 years of experimentation and minimal progress later...\n\nfast forward to last night - her stomach has been killing her for the past 4 or 5 days, worse than usual, and last night the dam broke. full blown stomach hell. 4 hours of writhing pain in the sweetest woman ive ever met. its horrible. \n\nanyways - i was curious if, now knowing that extensive backstory, anyone knows a thing or two about chronic intestinal pseudo-obstruction. the fact that she's mechanically fine  is it possible that the motility testing simply didnt pick something like this up? i think its important to note that she wasnt constipated all day yesterday, its like her gi tract is seizing up spontaneously without backing up. its why im curious about the pseudo obstruction rather than mechanical. perhaps there is an autonomic nerve motility issue? the way they describe how CIP come in \"attacks\" following by chronic low level swelling, the nasuea, fever, the whole thing sounds dead on. but then how did her GI doc not recognize it? if the shoe fits perfectly, but the testing doesnt verify pathology, what do you do?  i'm just stunned that at one of the best hospitals in the state, that a doc can run out of options and not have a follow up referral. \n\ni'm clearly spinning in circles here and am just looking for some direction. feel free to hit me with follow up questions and i'll do my best to answer them. \n\nif anyone knows someone that might be able to help in the denver area, please let me know as well...i dont know who to turn to\n\nEdit #1: first of all, holy shit, THANK YOU for all the input. i feel that i've gotten more genuine brain power on this post than 7 years of doctors and desperation. your help has been incredible, if only for the brainstorming and throwing ideas in the pot that i never would have considered!!! \n\nI should note a few things that i didnt mention above. my wife is showing many symptoms, at this point, of auto immune disorders - wait for the kicker - she is negative for auto immune antibodies. her body is walking and talking like she has lupus (small shape of the lupus butterfly, minor joint pain and swelling, food intolerances which vary on the day and are impossible to pin down) or something similar without ANY antibodies. i can only reconcile this fact with generalized inflammation and an immune system which, for lack of a formal medical backround, is really pissed off as a result of either GI inflammation...or the other way around - the GI inflammation is a symptom of autoimmune. *sigh*. ", "answer": "Could it be a somatoform disorder? I've seem individuals with not dissimilar presentations, who responded to some psychological work.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "74hebx", "comment_id": "dnzc4py"}, {"question": "A place for those with and affected by male BPD.", "description": "Hi everyone, not sure if this is aloud please delete if not. \nI have made a new subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/BPDbros \nI made it to hopefully be a place and community for people to positively discuss the male side of borderline personality disorder. Hopefully we can have as many people subscribe to this sub as possible to build a community and help each other in topics posted as this sub develops.", "answer": "Why not just stay here? The best way to build awareness isn't to segregate ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "41odng", "comment_id": "cz3wnd0"}, {"question": "ERP is not the only way to treat OCD, there is another way", "description": "ERP can be very good, but this is mostly if OCD is not too severe, and if the obsession doesn't change very much, or switch up its tactics (my OCD does both of these) There is another one for people like me who have severe OCD, Its called Advanced Brief Strategic Therapy. It has been proven to be very effective against OCD. ", "answer": "Some of the basic assumptions of  BST vs CBT seem to be inaccurate. Most importantly is the assumption that CBT believes that we can control our thoughts and emotions, whereas most CBT therapists I know would never make that assumption. While some of the tools in BST can be effective in treating OCD, and can be used in the context of traditional CBT/ ERP, it doesn't seem immediately effective as a stand alone therapeutic technique. While both CBT and BST need insight and willingness, it seems BST requires so much more insight and self control than the CBT/ ERP model. To say to an OCD sufferer \"if you need to do one compulsion, you HAVE to do 10 compulsions in a row, but you cannot just do one\" is to essentially say \"change nothing.\" Some techniques could be beneficial, but really need the skill and experience of a trained therapist to effectively implement the strategies. I'm not disagreeing with OP to say its COMPLETELY ineffective, but readers should begin treatment with a trained OCD/ CBT/ ERP therapist (dont read this as \"just any therapist who says they do OCD treatment and know CBT\") before going this route. \n\nThis response is built on a brief look into it. I'm sure I could do a deeper dive, but I'm off the clock. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "8rwcwx", "comment_id": "e0w4ffy"}, {"question": "How do you know your medicine is working?", "description": "I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder and I'm on Abilify 15mg. I started at 5mg and have been working my way up but don't want to keep increasing my dosage if it is not working. I do seem to be happier and the have my moments where I am feeling depressed and anxious and just don't know if the medicine is working. \n\nHow does anyone know if your medicine is working as it should?", "answer": "I'd say to stop paying so much attention to it and keep taking it.  A lot of people think they should feel a slight buzz or some side effects so they know it's working.  \n\nIf it's working exactly the way it's supposed to, it won't feel like you've taken anything at all, but your mood swings will be less severe, and episodes hopefully fewer, farther between, and less severe.  \n\nA huge problem for people with psychotic and mood disorders is that when their meds are working perfectly, they think \"Oh!  I've been doing good for a while now.  I don't think I need these pills anymore.  They don't even feel like they do anything.\"  When one of the biggest reasons they've been doing well is in fact the medication.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6ucoi1", "comment_id": "dlsck1y"}, {"question": "I miss being homeless", "description": "Okay. This sounds really, REALLY fucking stupid, and I\u2019m probably a horrible, dumb person for saying this, but, fuck it I guess.\n\nI\u2019ve had a shitty life. I never met my dad, and my mom died when I was 9 years old. My stepdad started using drugs to cope and ended up in the wrong crowd, so I had to move in with my grandparents, who I later found out severely emotionally abused my mother and manipulated her will to entrap me. Keep in mind, they got me, a 9 year old, to sign legal documents under duress by saying \u201cno one else cared about me\u201d and \u201cthis is what Mommy wanted.\u201d\n\nI proceeded to suffer horrific emotional abuse and a good bit of physical abuse (punching, kicking, being dragged out of bed and beaten in the middle of the night) until I was 19 years old. That was the first time I attempted to move out. I was in college. I made friends with the wrong people, and they stole everything I had.\n\nI tried again less than a year later, as my stepdad had gotten clean and promised he\u2019d try to help me. It didn\u2019t work out either, but something good came out of it- we repaired our relationship, and I see him regularly. I even go to my stepfamily\u2019s Christmas and am recognized as \u2018Dave and Amber\u2019s son\u201d instead of  \u201cCraig and Teddie\u2019s grandson.\u201d\n\nI tried to move out again recently, I met some friends through Discord who offered to help me out. I went from Louisiana to Ohio, lived there for about a month. It was wonderful, but things didn\u2019t go as planned. I was still depressed. I couldn\u2019t find housing or a job, and I felt like a burden on my friend and his family, who\u2019d been nothing but kind to me- they fed me, washed my clothes, gave me a whole room to myself, hell, they even took me to an Irish festival and paid for anything I asked. \n\nSo I attempted suicide.\n\nOne hospital bill that I only JUST paid off later, my friend\u2019s family was worried that I was beyond their ability to help me. I decided I needed to leave. I don\u2019t blame them, they\u2019re wonderful people, and I\u2019ll cherish the memories I have of my time with them until the day I die.\n\nI had one other friend willing to take me in, in Oregon. Things were going great this time- he was looking to move out, he had trusted friends who were looking at apartments with him, and I was able to find a job after just one week. Sure, I had to rely on the kindness of others a little bit, as my money was running out, but I never ASKED for anything. I only took what was offered, and I didn\u2019t beg. Matter of pride for me.\n\nBut then his friends bailed. I don\u2019t know why. I don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t hate them for it, but it was at that point that I realized I wasn\u2019t going to get a home yet.\n\nSo, I lived on the streets of Portland for a month. Got involved with an \u2018Abolish ICE\u2019 protest and a loose affiliation of fash-bashers who, surprisingly, took my Southern background and formerly-hard right-wing status in stride, and helped me find soup kitchens and night housing. I bought a guy a guitar and I got a pair of drumsticks, and made a bit of money busking in the 5th to 10th Street area (the richer side of Portland IIRC).\n\nThe problem was, it wasn\u2019t enough money, so I went to go pull my mom\u2019s inheritance out of her trust fund.\n\nMy grandfather called me, and told me if I didn\u2019t come home, he\u2019d liquidate the assets, and I would never see that money again.\n\nThe next three days were a somber affair, as I realized I HAD to go home. My newfound friends showed more love and care for me than anyone else in my life ever had. One of the staff at the youth center I hung out at took me to play soccer and did his best to encourage me. The night shelter I stayed at got me a cake that I shared with the few people in shelter that night. A friend of mine used what little money he\u2019d scraped up for cigarettes to buy me a McMuffin. \n\nAnd then I came home. Although my grandparents aren\u2019t stupid enough to hit me again, they\u2019ve found other ways to hurt me. My mental state is in the shit, as are my finances. I have a job, but it doesn\u2019t really make me feel any better (which pissed my family right the fuck off- \u201chaving a job should make you happy, something\u2019s wrong with you\u201d). The friends that promised they\u2019d be here for me when I got back are only available once in a blue moon, and while I understand that they\u2019re busy, I can\u2019t do this on my own. \n\nI want to leave again. But I\u2019ve got nowhere left to run. My car will only get me out of the South, at best. I\u2019m 20 years old. I should be halfway through college right now. I should have a girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe a husband/wife if they were the right person. I should be in therapy. But I\u2019m not. And I don\u2019t know what to do.\n\nI\u2019m gonna cap this off with something that aforementioned social worker told me, just hours before I left, after I told him about my situation.\n\n\u201c<anon>, just because they put food in your stomach and your ass in a bed doesn\u2019t mean you were Home. You had **A** home. I\u2019ve been there, too. Find YOUR Home. Maybe it\u2019s here, maybe it\u2019s elsewhere, but find Your Home. You\u2019ll be happier there.\u201d\n", "answer": "Dude social workers aren't just for the homeless.  You could start seeing one again, we are awesome!  Handy little trick... Some of us specialize into therapy.  So if you start that therapy process, you can find one who will help you with more concrete problems.  Just talk to your doctor and let them know you prefer a social worker instead of a classically trained psychologist.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "a0j58d", "comment_id": "eailzfy"}, {"question": "I think I might have ADHD... what do I do?", "description": "I'd like to start out by saying that I am not trying to super self-diagnose... I am 100% willing to accept that this is not what I have, it is just a suspicion. I just would like advice for an upcoming appointment (my first one ever) with a psychiatrist. \n\nBasically, I think I have ADHD, but I'm not sure that I should tell the psychiatrist my suspicions. I don't want them to think that I'm trying to score study drugs or whatever (I live in a college town) but I do want to be heard. My symptoms line up to a T with the DSM 5 (and I'll list them below) so maybe they will be more receptive? I'm worried they will brush me off.\n\nAlso, I did take adderall the other day to see how it affected me, and 10mg XR just calmed me down like crazy. I cried because I actually felt normal. I want to tell the psych this, but I'm scared that this will really make them think I'm looking to score drugs. I don't care about that at all... if there's a non-stimulant treatment I'll go that route, even. Is this something I should tell them? \n\nMy symptoms (if you're interested):\n\n~ I need something playing in the background at all times (usually, I just play the same shows on repeat) and I can't focus without it. I just don't like to sit in the quiet. But I also can't focus when it's on. It's like I need that noise, but when its there, I can't function with it. \n\n~ I dissociate often, but Im not sure if that's the right word. I get really aware of my peripheral vision and it feels like I'm in a movie. People move too fast and don't seem real... this is scary. I think this is do to some sexual trauma, though. \n\n~ I zone out frequently. Like 25% of my day is spent vividly daydreaming. I also can't seem to focus on what people are saying to me. In conversation I usually get distracted because I'm paying attention to the fact that I need to pay attention, or something they say will remind me of something, and my mind will just go off on a tangent. \n\n~ Procrastination. I am horrible about this, but its not like I'm just being lazy. I just get so worked up thinking that have to do something, and I spend more time worrying about it than I would take to do it. I also don't just do stuff I want to do, instead. The anxiety makes it to where it wouldn't even be enjoyable. Ive taken trig three times now bc of this, and I havent read 1 book I've been assigned all the way through since high school, and I'm an English major! I just can't get through books, especially when assigned. I have to constantly re-read things. Still, I had a 3.9 in H.S. and a 3.6 now.\n\n~ I am incredibly forgetful. I constantly forget to turn assignments in on time, even though I have it on my calendar and I check it every day, and I always pay my bills late, even though I have plenty of $ to pay them with. I also find myself losing things like my phone, keys, clothes, etc. twenty times a day. As soon as I set something down I forget it. \n\n~I monopolize conversations, and interrupt people a lot, though I don't usually notice until its pointed out to me. I really, really try to keep in mind to be polite, but I swear its like I can't help it. I just have to say what I want to say, and I can't seem to pay attention until I say it. Honestly I think I'm just really annoying to others, but I actively try not to be. \n\n~I have very fidgety habits, including, but not limited to: nail biting, picking at lips/pimples/skin, grinding my teeth, bouncing my leg... just really, constantly fidgeting. \n\n~ I struggle with sleep issues. \n\n~ I'm always, always late, even when I leave myself plenty of time to get ready and its something I want to do. \n\nI'm just not sure. Does this sound like ADHD to you guys? Should I bring up my concerns with my doctor, or will that make my situation worse? \n\nThank you!!!", "answer": "No idea - but a proper ADHD diagnosis should be done over multiple appointments so dont expect an immediate answer! Theres also a lot of other conditions that can present like ADHD too, so without the full assessment, its best to keep an open mind.\n\nMeds like adderall etc can make people without ADHD feel better too (hence why it can be a drug of misuse) so dont use that as any sort of proof, though for all we know it could be an actual therapeutic response.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g18u1z", "comment_id": "fnecl8y"}, {"question": "Non-TCA antidepressants that won't cause headaches?", "description": "31F, 5'3, 180lbs. - medications: sertraline, amoxicillin, nexplanon - non-smoker - medical issues: depression, anxiety, adhd, carp skin condition - duration of complaint: headaches started 3 years ago. \n\n​\n\nI've been on sertraline for years. I recently figured out that it is what has been giving me headaches. Migraine with aura and nausea. Every week 3-7 days a week.\n\nI talked to my doctor who prescribed amitriptyline. I had a very bad reaction to it. Literal falling asleep at the wheel on the low starter dose they had me on. It didn't get any better when they halved that dosage. I was told to stop taking that and take citalopram. Headaches started up on day 2 of the low starter dose. The doctor has given up already I assume as she put me back on a low dose of sertraline.\n\nAny advice on what to suggest is appreciated. I'm not ok without antidepressants but if I have to live in pain for the rest of my life I don't know what I'll do.", "answer": "Amitriptyline is one of the more sedating TCAs. Nortriptyline is generally more tolerable, as are several others. At true antidepressant doses they tend to have side effects more often than newer classes of antidepressant.\n\nVenlafaxine (Effexor) is an SNRI that can be used to prevent migraines, so I would not expect it to cause them. It\u2019s also activating rather than sedating.\n\nBupropion (Wellbutrin) works through different mechanisms than other antidepressants. It\u2019s not sedating and not associated with migraines.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "epohkt", "comment_id": "fektytq"}, {"question": "Was I raped? Or was I just being stupid?", "description": "So a few years ago when I just turned 17 (19 now, turning 20 in a few months) I had this friend who we will just called J. He was 21 at the time and I really just felt bad for the guy... He always told me that he couldn't connect with people his age so he always was friends with people younger than him. For the beginning of our friendship he was dating this drop dead gorgous girl who ended up becoming miss maryland teen so it wasn't like he was some socially awkward penguin that didn't know how to speak to people. They broke up and he began to have an interest in me.\n\nWe'd often hang out at his house, he still lived with his parents so most of the time we'd be just sitting in the family room watching some movie. I've had no interest in him other than a friendship and he was well aware of that. He's put his face in mine and kissed me a few times but I'd put an end to it quickly. Nothing over the top really would happen.\n\nWell, one night I was at a party and we ran out of beer and stuff so I called J to see if he could buy us some considering he's of legal age. He came to the house I was at with the stuff and stayed for a bit. He didn't drink at all and just sat there and talked to all of us. After I realized I was smashed I thought I should go home and go to sleep. Since J hasn't had anything to drink, and he was my friend I asked him if he could take me home, Instead he brought me to his house. I thought it was strange but didn't really care considering I was extremely drunk. I just plopped down onto the couch and shut my eyes. I woke up to him kissing me and touching me, and I kind of just blew it off and pushed him away and said I was tired. He kept on trying and this is when it mostly turned into a blur... I don't know if I was trying to block it out or if I was too drunk to remember but I know we ended up on the floor in the other room and I know we had sex. The most I remember from during sex was when I tried pushing him off but he held himself there and then I gave up and just let it happen.\n\nI know if I was sober I wouldn't have let that happen. I'm just still so confused... The next morning when I woke up I pretended like nothing happened until I got home because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of his mom. Once I got home I took a shower because I felt so dirty and just cried... I wasn't sure if it was my fault that it happened or not. After that he messaged me and told me that what he did wasn't to just get in my pants but that he cares about me and wanted to be with me and I just ignored all the messages. He said that I was the one that asked if he had a condom, so that means that I was okay with us having sex but I don't remember saying it... This is starting to get really choppy and I'm sorry about that I'm just not good at typing really long stories.\n\nEven after that though, I still spoke to him. I mean we never hung out again but he drove me to work a couple times, got me a job, and we would speak on facebook sometimes. I'd never get near him though... One time at the mall like a year ago he put his arm around me jokingly and I got this really sick feeling. I feel emotionally scarred about all of this but I don't know if I have reason to. Can I actually call this rape? I would never go to the police about this because I don't want to ruin someone's life but I just want to be at peace with all of this.", "answer": "It sounds like rape to me-- but the most important thing is your own reaction, and from your own reaction I think it sounds like rape to you too. ", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "18t3hp", "comment_id": "c8hreiv"}, {"question": "18/m isn't sure if he wants open relationship with 18/f", "description": "I'm on a throwaway to disguise myself\nMe and my GF have been dating for 9 months give or take and very early onto into a relationship I nearly left for another girl, but after telling her decided not to. Now we have (what I thought was) a healthy relationship and even live together. Fast forward to today she had a depressive break down (as she does at times and is diagnosed with chronic depression). Well after I thought I had cheered her up she went to her dance class. Soon after she had left she told me she had something to get off her chest. She told me she wanted an open relationship. I will paraphrase our conversation now. (I will be M and she will be F)\n\nF: \"I want to have sex with other people...I want to be with you forever but good couples don't fuck other people...part of me is saying I just want to get back at you.\"\n\nM: \"Like you have urges to fuck some one or just thoughts?\"\n\nF:\"Well nobody in particular I mean but like if someone I was attracted to was hinting at it or being flirty I know I would have a difficult time turning them down.\"\n\nM:\"Knowing you, I feel like if you did this it you wouldn't forgive yourself... and I really don't feel that would be healthy for our relationship.\"\n\nF:\"Well I mean I don't think I told you my ideal relationship would be an open one...Idk I'm just kinky\"\n\nM: No, I think you just have a high sex drive\n\nF:\"But I would never ever without your permission/PRESENCE, and no I am just really kinky\"\nShe then left for her dance class but I sent some messages\n\nM:\"The only way I am going to let this happen is if I know I am going to get atleast as much ass as you are... also if someone told you they wanted to have sex and you would have a hard time telling them no, you lack self control.\"\nShe appears a while after\n\nF:\"I would never do anything without atleast telling you but you're right I do lack self control that's why I like being with you. You keep me in check. If I was ever in a situation before this talk I would have thought about it but never acted upon it.\"\n\nM:\"Which one is it, because that's not what you said before? You said you would have trouble saying no.\"\n\nF:\"I would have trouble but I wouldn't do it because you mean more to me than any piece of ass.\"\n\nM:\"That's not what matters to me though. It bothers me just know that that could happen. I haven't really told you this because I didn't want to bother you but I am an extremely jealous person.\"\n\nF:\"Yeah me too I gtg\" \nAnd then she went back to dance\n\nHere I am now not knowing what to do or say and half terrified she will find this post somehow.\ntl;dr: Girl friend wants to cuck me because she lacks self control what do", "answer": "open relationships almost never work. monogamy is too ingrained in us....  be careful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61wxg5", "comment_id": "dfhz8rw"}, {"question": "I'm an insecure future therapist", "description": "I'll soon graduate. Using empathy as my instrument is something that scares me.\n\nHow do you guys master actually listening to the person and not invalidating their thoughts? How do you control yourself not to say \"but this is not so bad\" or \"your depressed thought doesn't make sense?\"  How not to use common sense, which I know doesn't help?\n\nI've watched therapy sessions and have a therapist of my own, so I've seen it happen, but I'm insecure about doing it myself.", "answer": "It\u2019s about being in the world of your client and understanding how it feels for them. Be with them in the moment without trying to come up with a \u201cfix\u201d because it\u2019s not about you fixing anything for them. You are there to be one of the only people in their life who will listen without judgement and without treating them like they\u2019re fucked up.  \n\nTelling someone \u201chere\u2019s how you fix this/here\u2019s what you need to do\u201d is taking away their autonomy to find their own way. It also implies they aren\u2019t fucked up/dumb etc. and that you\u2019re some how smarter and this expert in their life. I can work with a client for a year and still not know everything about their life and inner workings. I can give a client 50 great pieces of advice on how to \u201cfix\u201d something they come in with, but they can sit there and shoot down everyone of them (that\u2019s not a fun session). I\u2019ve been there when clients push and push for advice and answers and I made the mistake of giving in. They shot down and had a reason why every idea I had wouldn\u2019t work. That taught me a lot. It\u2019s not about me giving them answers it\u2019s about me helping to empower them through empathy and validation. \n\nTo help yourself understand empathy, try to put yourself in their shoes. Think of how it would feel to share some really vulnerable things that maybe you don\u2019t tell anyone and hear that person who is supposed to help you, tell you how what you feel or what you think is wrong.  Would you want to open up again?  In your program they should have and I hope they did talk about the ways to phrase things so that you avoid coming off as judgmental when you do challenge the client (after you\u2019ve built rapport).  Also keep in mind challenging is not calling them out in a harsh way. It\u2019s more like \u201cI hear you say you don\u2019t care if you have friends and I hear you saying how hard it is to feel so lonely sitting by yourself at home so much. I wonder if you do really want friends and because of the negative experiences you\u2019ve had in the past finding those friends seems terrifying so you\u2019re trying to convince yourself you don\u2019t want them.\u201d \n\nYou\u2019ll get there, you just have to work on keeping the \u201ccommon sense\u201d reactions to yourself (even when you\u2019re faced with a client that seems like they could use a dose of it. Trust me there will be many times you find yourself thinking \u201comg if you would just stop doing x you would be fine\u201d but it\u2019s never that simple.  That\u2019s when you work harder to feel with the client and also get supervision. \n\n[great video about empathy vs sympathy ](https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g3z2d9", "comment_id": "fnupjga"}, {"question": "9-year-old with headache for 7 days", "description": "My 9-year-old daughter, 55 lbs, has been having a headache (sometimes painful enough that she has missed several days of school and is not being her usual rambunctious self) for 7 days.  200mg of ibuprofen eases the headache (but doesn't eliminate it) for only about 2 hours.  She says the pain is only in her temples.  She also has swollen lymph nodes in the jaw and neck.  \n\n-Pediatrician tested for strep (it was negative), looked for signs of meningitis (didn't find any), and sent us along.\n-Ophthalmologist said her prescription needs updating, but no sign of intracranial pressure.\n-Dentist sees no sign of infection or impaction to cause such pain.\n\nWhat next?  If we head back to the pediatrician, what should we push for?  It is horrible to see my little girl in pain and not have any way to get relief.  \n\nA few things that might be important:  \n\n-She upped her dose of guanfacine (for ADHD) two weeks ago, from 1mg to 1.5mg with the extra .5 being a rapid release tablet. \n-She's had a weird string of problems since September--stomach aches and nausea for the last several months and two weeks in November with a painful, obviously swollen knee without any clear injury followed a few days later by a \"sprained\" ankle on the same leg (again without any definite injury).  Also, during the same time period, her anger (always a problem for her) has really gotten out of control.  The increased anger issues were what finally pushed us to medicate her ADHD.  While the medication is greatly improving her standard ADHD symptoms, the anger is still as bad as ever.  \n\nAny insights would be very much appreciated!", "answer": "Anything going on that might worry your daughter about going to school?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xc8vy", "comment_id": "degyjhf"}, {"question": "Please help. Doctors are of no help, telling me that my pain isn't ever and to wait out. How do I proceed?", "description": "I'm 18, male, 5ft8, 65kg, British and I've been having this issue for about 2 months now. I take methylphenidate 20mg XR for ADHD and was taking amiltriptyline (25mg) for about 3 weeks around the time this started, this was for neuralgia but I stopped taking this as I thought it could be causing or worsening this pain.\n\n\nI've been to see 3 different GPs and they all seem to think I'm fine. The first GP told me to wait this out, take some OTC painkillers if it gets worse. The second was kind-of helpful and prescribed an antibiotic, this seemed to improve the pain but it never really got better. The course of antibiotics was amoxicillin for 5 days. The third GP got annoyed at me for saying I could not wait a week or two for an appointment for this issue as he thought it wasn't serious (I cannot go to NHS walk-in due to work and there were no appointments available for at least a week so I got angry on the phone). I was told another course of antibiotics wouldn't do anything if the 5 day course didn't resolve my pain. He ended up prescribing otovent and a beclometasone nasal spray but told me the best I can do is wait this pain out as it isn't chronic sinusitis and it isn't suggestive of anything else... I'd be fine with this but the problem is it isn't getting better! \n\n\nThe pain seems like pain around my left sinuses, left ear and generally the left side of head/upper face. It hurts to move my left eye in the mornings and at some points during the day (like I'm pulling on a ligament/muscle that's tight in the eye). The eye strain is the only problem that is at its worst when I wake up. There is no pain in my right eye or that side of the face. The pain seems to shift locations, sometimes I'll feel like there is pain in my inner ear and around it, and other times the pain will be on my left temple or around my eye. There is no tenderness. I am not suffering from any symptoms like vision loss or dizziness. I haven't had any personality changes other than anger when the pain is particularly bad. There's no nausea or noticeable neck tension. My only symptom is pain. I was speaking to a friend who's studying medicine and he said any pain in the head is a headache so technically I have a \"headache\" but it is not like a migraine or pain all around my head, it's just an ache on the left front side of my head around my temple. Paracetamol doesn't really help much, nor do topical nasal decongestants or otovent. I'm not sure if the steroid spray helps, the pain is definitely still here but it doesn't seem as bad if I use it. If anyone here has any idea what this could be or how I can get a doctor to take me seriously I'd **really** appreciate a response. I'm so lost and tired of this :( I just want to know what the cause of this pain is.\n\n\nThank you so much for reading.\n", "answer": "UK doc here.\n\nTMJ has been spoken about - [heres the NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/temporomandibular-joint-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx). Id recommend waiting it out rather than going for invasive procedures - which admittedly will feel frustrating for you. Jumping in with invasive treatments early can sometimes cause more harm than good.\n\nAs someone else has asked - does it impact your daily functioning?\n\nKeep going with the amitriptyline - it is unlikely to be aggrevating whatever condition you have.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fbwsv", "comment_id": "dajg9pr"}, {"question": "Taking Effexor after 5htp?", "description": "I've been taking Kava Kava, 5-htp, and GABA for anxiety and panic attacks. Recently I've been going through a stressful period and the anxiety is really bad and that combination isn't working as well for me.\n\nThe last time I had a period of bad anxiety I was taking 75mg Effexor which seemed to work very well. I take a total of 200mg 5-htp a day (half in the morning, half at night).\n\nI want to start taking Effexor again but I'm worried about serotonin syndrome. How long should I abstain from 5-htp before taking Effexor again? (I notice effects like anti-depressant 'withdrawal' like hypersensitivity to motion from 5-htp after about 16hrs of missing a 5-htp dose)\n\nTLDR: I take 200mg 5-htp a day and want to switch back to 75mg Effexor, how long should I abstain from 5-htp to be safe from serotonin syndrome?", "answer": "Given its a poorly evidenced unregulated dietary supplement, its probably doing little of much use in the brain. You could probably start fairly quickly though dont take them at the same time. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77j3av", "comment_id": "don7ipu"}, {"question": "Found journal", "description": "Just thought I'd share this with you all.  Yesterday I was doing a bit of cleaning and came across  the journal I had kept from the beginning of my recovery.  Oh god!  Well of course I read it.  Here are my thoughts.  Holy crap was I insane.  I could see defenitely improvement over the 7 or so weeks but it's hard to believe this is how I was thinking.  All of my problems were blamed on others.  I was powerless and helpless and so confused about everything.  I was lonely and was isolated from everyone and didn't know what to do.  I was afraid of the future.  It was really neat seeing a gradual change in my writings.  One thing that stood out was how my penmanship (of all things)  improved.  From sloppy and weak to somewhat neat and more confident.  It was a sign of physical improvement.  A couple things I noticed that obviously worked were doing little things.  I prayed (even though I don't believe in a diety), I asked others for help.  The more I asked for help the easier things became and the happier i became.  I began to have gratitude.  I was thankful for simple things, little kindnesses others did for me, and life in general.  I know I still have lots of work to do but some clarity has come to me over time.  One thing I attribute this to is listening to others and not thinking I have all the answers.  Not sure if this helps anyone but those are my thoughts at the moment.  Hope you all have a good day and thanks for reading!", "answer": "I'm cleaning now to try and help with anxiety and keep me busy. I hope one day I can come across something like this. Can I ask what kinds of things you asked help for? And what did you find to be the most helpful. Congrats on everything. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3wjuxn", "comment_id": "cxww74x"}, {"question": "I just want friends to be close friends with", "description": "I have a close friend but it always seems she\u2019s trying to help me. I have other acquaintances that I don\u2019t hang out with often. I have a new job and my co-workers are awesome but we haven\u2019t hung out yet. I just want some friends to hang out with, do nothing with, and not judge each other. Do these types of pure friendships even exits? I\u2019ve never been good at close friends in my 28 years. I\u2019m everyone\u2019s first friend but never the best friend. Maybe it\u2019s just not for me. I\u2019m not sure why I\u2019m even craving social interaction lately - usual I\u2019m fine to be my keep to myself quiet person. ", "answer": "Not sure if this applies to you or not.  One problem I see with lots of folks struggling with this is that their goal is to have \"close friends\" but generally don't like associating with more surface level acquaintances and having all of the superficial conversations and what not that go along with that.  \n\nUnfortunately for these folks, good, healthy, organic relationships do not happen immediately.  They generally grow from what starts out as more simple and superficial relationships with acquaintances.  Finding shared interests and each party making a continuous effort to spend time together doing what they mutually enjoy and eventually the two may become close friends.  The only way to get this though is to put the effort in inviting acquaintances to things and making time to go to things they invite you to.       ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ekh9j", "comment_id": "dxvxpem"}, {"question": "Is there a type of doctor who can teach me not to be awkward? I am not even sure what I am doing to be awkward but I know I am.", "description": "If I don't fix myself I will eventualy kill my self in a few years. I have no friends and I want to be social. ", "answer": "You should see a counselor. A counselor can help you work on social skills, and also on depression.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1ahtnp", "comment_id": "c8xo9yk"}, {"question": "hi.", "description": "Hi.\n\nI don't know how should I begin. I don't even know why I am here. I guess the first thing I just say is that I am just tired. \n\nThings are reasonably well. I have a decent salary. I go to school. I'm almost 21. Male. But I am so alone. I feel so empty and alone. \n\nI feel like a total loser. The only ability I seem to have is to push people away. I have no friends. I have no social skills. At work, I'm just used to it, we all talk and have fun, but most of them are considerably older than me, so I seldom go out with them. At school, I only talk to 3 or 4 people. \n\nIt's so stupid, I know. It's a non-issue. I feel people make fun of me. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like shit, I look like shit. I'm fucking ugly. And all that. And I cannot even tell what's really happening anymore. I'm losing my head. I don't want to keep going with this. I like school, I like the few people I talk to, but I get home every night anxious and asking myself why am I such a loser. When I look in the mirror, you know, I don't look like shit. But when I'm outside is different. I'm such a pussy for worrying about shit like this. And even with all that anxiety, I hate this loneliness, I hate this emptiness. I hate the person I've become.\n\nI'm so fucking tired of the same shit over and over. The same job, the same meaningless tasks, going to school and going home. Being in front of my computer until midnight. Sleep, repeat. It makes sick to know that something as meaningless as this is making me plan my own death.\n\nI just don't care anymore. There is only one thing I need to do. I need to detach from my family. I need to piss them off, to make them angry. Having done that, I'll be ready to leave all this shit behind. I have a few plans. \n\n<snip, it was too descriptive>\n\nI'm planning to go far away. To another country. I just need to figure out a method (gun would be difficult to find), I'm guessing I'll try to overdose. I'll have to shred any evidence of who I am (passports, wallet, CCs). Or make it look like an accident, jump from a bridge, who knows.\n\nIt'll take some time, maybe a few weeks, to finally have everything set up. These feelings have been getting worse and worse every day. I cannot stand this. I just don't want to live anymore. I've waited for a long time for something big to happen, and I now realize this is it. I almost died during birth. I was never meant to be alive. Bring it on.\n\nLike I said. I don't know why I'm here. I already know the usual answers (this is a secondary account). But I have no will to try it anymore. Sometimes, I just wish I had a gun, so I could end it as soon as possible.", "answer": "You must be a very resilient person to be going through all of that and still be able to have a job and go to school.  What are you in school for?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "axucc", "comment_id": "c0jyhub"}, {"question": "Am I making the right decision by breaking up with my[29f] boyfriend[28m] because of him cheating on me, despite the fact that he kept treating me like a princess for the past 8 years of our relationship?", "description": "We were in the same town for a year and since then we have an LDR, because we went studying and ,after that,working on different cities,  but we kept loving each other and keeping the promess that we will be always together and geting married, we saw each other every weekend all this time\n\nAll this 8 years he treated me nicely like a gentelman , he has nervosity probelm but once he gets calm he apologises and promess that he wont do it again\n\nWell, two years ago he met with this friend who introduced him to a concept of having affairs.\nSo he started cheating, I caught him the first time, he had a broken heart and he apologised and I forgave him but unfortunately he kept cheating on me, and I wasn't sure about hus cheating till recently\n\nSo now I'm in a dilemma,\nHe's young and compared to his young age, men have affairs and have fun but he showed a level of maturity bigger than other men in his age,\nSo I Know someday he wont cheat again because he will get satistfied of that lack of experiences,\nHe treated me like a gentelman, took care of me \nNever left me wash the dishes when we spend time together, he takes care of everything when we go on dates\n\nIn his personality he's the Man, he takes care of everything he' responsible but he is dry emotionaly\n\nWe are planing to get married in july but he cheated on me two months ago, how can you understand it? Well, he considers marriage very serious bond, but now plays since he thinks that I dont know about his affairs\n\nSo am I Making the right decision by breaking up with him?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69kg67", "comment_id": "dh7gpag"}, {"question": "familial hypocalciuric hypercalcemia", "description": "Age : 25\nWeight : 69.2 kgs\nRace : European and Middle eastern\nHeight 183.5 cms\nLocation : Australia\nConditions >>>>\nASD/PDD-NOS\nHypercalcemia (duration unknown - earliest detection was august 2012. possibly went unnoticed many years before that)\nBradycardia (lowest recorded was 37 BPM on a holter machine and typically settles around 40-48 BPM before bed).\nOccasionally a very fast heart rate upon waking up in the morning (holter machine recorded 115bpm around 7:30am)\n\nNo other known familial conditions apart from my father having haemochromatosis and my mother having Lupus (and also two appendixes!) \n\nI'm due for genetic testing in a couple months but beofore that they are doing a final blood test : Elecs, Ca/Phos, creat, urea, urate, gluc\nLiver function test\n24hr urine - Ca+++ , creat\nPTH\nVitamin D 25(OH)\n\nThey already did half of these test on me several times but my vitamin D levels were a bit low (I used to be a complete shut in) but now that my Vit D levels are much higher they want to do this final test on me before going ahead with genetic testing.\n\nLast 24hr urine test resulted in a cc/r of less than 0.20 (0.19 i think) and with repleted VITD levels my endocrinologist seemed to believe it is FHH causing my higher calcium levels...(ionized calcium ranging from 1.34 to 1.39)...my PTH levels ranged from 2.7 to 5.0 \n\nAnother reason they dont suspect Primary Hyperparathyroidism anymore is because my forearm bone density is far above average, particularly the 1/3 distal radius..which is 99% cortical bone.\n\nAnyway, I'm a bit disappointed by lack of information on the web about this condition. I read as much as I can on it and some sources seem to contradict each other. At first I thought there is no way I could have FHH as not one single person in my family has high blood calcium but then I found out from my doctor and through my own research that the gene can mutate in an individual for the first time (how unlikely is that!?)...FHH occurs at rate of 1 in 78,000 people...that means I'd be one of 350 people in my own nation. \n\nOkay my question is that I want to know if there's anyone on this forum with more advanced knowledge on this condition or has some experience in endocrine disorders. For the past 6 months or so this whole issue has been causing me a lot of stress/grief and even strained relationships. I just want some finality to this. So any information that someone on this board can supply to me would be very appreciated.\n\nThanks.\n\n\nEdit : Wanted to add that aside from postural dizziness (occasional) and the low heart rate, I am completely asymptomatic. No lethargy, fatigue and only my typical bouts of depression which I've lived with my whole life. Nothing comes to mind that I can attribute to Hypercalcemia. I do sometimes have prehypertension levels of systolic blood pressure, while my diastolic is below 70 most of the time. I did some research and I suspect it is 'spurious systolic hypertension'.  I had an electrocardiogram, echocardiogram and a calcium scoring test done and everything looked completely normal. ", "answer": "I am not an expert, so my knowledge comes from medical school and what I've run into along the way (I think I've encountered one case; as you say, it's rare!), and I only found out because the patient mentioned it as part of providing medical history. That said, what I remember from medical school is being told that it exists, it's asymptomatic, and that it's mostly an oddity to remember because every once in a while high calcium is of no significance.\n\nSpontaneous mutations do occur. Rarely, but not never. These heritable disorders have to start somewhere, and you could be the one who just got unlucky. \n\nFHH is usually asymptomatic. It doesn't bother you and it doesn't increase risk of developing complications. If that's what you have, and genetic testing is from my limited knowledge the way to go, you have a weird fact about yourself that doesn't change your life in any way.\n\n(Again, I have zero expertise here, but my I thought FHH *shouldn't* increase bone mineralization. Again, the way to know is to continue with the workup, which you're doing. Try not to worry too much about it\u2014although easy for me to say, right?)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c6kib", "comment_id": "dxcsyp7"}, {"question": "Is daily sex a reasonable expectation?", "description": "My SO of 3 years expects and requests sex daily. I find this expectation daunting to the point I dread bedtime. I've told him, for me, the daily expectation makes sex feel like a chore and takes the fun out of it. I don't like and feel guilty turning him down. I've convinced him to compromise with every other day instead, but I still feel that daunting expectation, like I'm not allowed to say no if I denied him the night before. I find I don't enjoy sex as much as in past relationships where daily (or now, every other day) sex was not an expectation. Below are some more details:\n\nI DO facilitate sex - he is NOT always the instigator.\nWhen I instigate, it's usually in the morning.\n\nYes, I'm physically attracted to him.\n\nYes, he makes me feel attractive by frequently giving compliments.\n\nI'm satisfied with other forms of intimacy instead of sex such as holding, snuggling, petting, etc. and while he engages in these forms of intimacy, he is never satisfied stopping there.\n\nHe becomes visibly upset if I decline sex.\n\nHe has stated he needs sex nightly in order to sleep. This bothers me in that I feel like a cum dumpster for his release in order to sleep rather than the act being an expression of love.\n\nHe has stated sex is necessary for pregnancy support (I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant. We have experienced 2 previous miscarriages) because it balances the ph levels in my uterus-- something I have not found any scientific evidence to support this claim.\n\nHe often references the fact I told him an ex used to turn me down frequently yet I still desired sex with the ex (as a reason to never deny him.). I tried to explain that I did instigate sex with my ex because (a) the ex and I were only having sex once a month at that point (b) not having sex daily gave me the chance to actually desire it.\n\nHe has stated that if sex wasn't frequent in my previous relationships, I was SURELY being cheated on.\n\nNo, I don't care if he watches porn. Yes, I occasionally also watch porn.\n\nYes, I masturbate but not as frequently during pregnancy due to the cramping after orgasm.\n\nYes, I climax during sex, but only when on top or during oral. \n\nYes, I'm fine with oral both ways. I'm also fine with oral not turning into sex.\n\nThe actual act itself is enjoyable although once recently I did not enjoy it because the daily requests are killing my libido (which is already irregular due to the pregnancy). It was the one time I did not get into it at all (no noises, etc). I admit I've feigned enjoyment during the act merely to get him to climax quicker (although I do NOT feign orgasms).\n\nOn multiple occasions, after which I've declined sex, he has awakened me during the night while shaking the bed during masturbation. As I said, I don't care if he chokes the chicken, but I would prefer not to have my sleep disturbed especially during pregnancy when getting enough/good sleep is EXTREMELY difficult. When I asked him not to wake me to do that, the most recent incident, he responded that he wasn't going to change the person he is.  ???\n\nNo, we did not start the relationship off with frequent sex. I did not want to begin sex until \"love\" was involved (being said). I think it was only about 2 weeks until our first sex. He did say he loved me but he also said it's important to know if there is sexual compatibility in order to pursue a serious relationship. I did feel this statement somewhat pressured me into sex \"too early\" and it occurred at his parents' home which made me uncomfortable. I did not particularly enjoy that first encounter.\n\nI would be satisfied with 1-2x a week. I'd probably be happy to do it more frequently - sometimes - if it weren't EXPECTED.\n\nSummary:  Is daily sex a reasonable request in a relationship? How can I reduce the frequency without feeling guilty or making my partner feel unattractive?\n", "answer": "Sex shouldn't be a request... period! It's a mutual decision by two people. NEVER have sex when you don't feel like it. It will kill your sex life and your relationship.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78pm8v", "comment_id": "dovo0mk"}, {"question": "Doctor is just pumping me with pills, not helping. Need advice. NJ. USA", "description": "I'm 29 live in the United States. NJ. I'm type 2 diabetic. Have higher cholesterol. Depression and vision issues. I am 6 foot 1 and 315 lbs (I use to weigh 387 a year ago) here is my medication list: \n  \nBasaglar 10 units at night.  \nMetformin hcl 1000mg 2x daily.  \nGlipizide 10mg 2x daily.  \nAtorvastatin calcium 10mg.  \nFenofibrate 160mg.  \nJardiance 25mg.  \nUnknown cholesterol medication. \n  \nI want to be on less, my doctor keeps throwing meds at me not trying to help. It sucks. My A1c was 9.4 it's 7 now. But pills have not changed. I don't know what to do. Being on this many pills can't be good for my body. Help please. Not sure if it's because of my state paid insurance or not....if so that sucks. ", "answer": "I'm not an endocrinologist or even an internist. That said, while A1c is not the be-all, end-all in diabetes care, for someone young and otherwise healthy a target of below 7% is common. If it takes many medications to get you there, then it takes many medications, and while they can have side effects, high blood glucose also has definite long-term consequences for your body.\n\nIt's a conversation that you should be able to have with your doctor, but it's also understandable for your doctor to see A1c as the marker of progress, and while you've certainly made progress, everything is not resolved.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9pq5i9", "comment_id": "e83lhcz"}, {"question": "Toastmasters: Learn new social skills, build your confidence, and meet new people!  ", "description": "This post was a long time in the making and is an edited response to a previous post I made when someone asked about Toastmasters. I responded with a summary of why I think Toastmasters is an excellent program for building public speaking, leadership, and social skills. It got little love at the end of a thread several days old. I\u2019m creating this post to expand on my original ideas and provide reasons why I think Toastmasters is helpful for building social skills. I should add that I, like all Toastmasters, volunteer my time with Toastmasters and receive no financial benefit. In addition, Toastmasters is a non-profit. \n\nI've been involved with Toastmasters for approximately eight years, and I've been in many different clubs as a I moved around. I'm 33 years old now but started when I was 25. Let me preface my comments below by saying that I'm a huge believer in the program - I've drank the Kool-Aid, I'm in it hook line and sinker, etc. In this post, I will tell you how I think Toastmasters will improve your social skills. \n\nFirst, Toastmasters does help many people improve their social skills through public speaking. How? By forcing people to confront their social fears in a positive and mutually supportive environment. Every Toastmaster knows that initial jolt of nervousness and fear that you get whenever you stand up to give a 'prepared speech' in front of a group. Your mouth is dry, your hands and knees shake, and you're mind goes blank. These are normal reactions that provides you the gift of increasing your confidence by pushing through them. By doing it over and over again, your fear of public speaking diminishes and you feel more comfortable communicating with people. Anything that improves your ability to communicate and makes you more comfortable around other people will improve your social skills. Toastmasters is trial-by-fire. For many, it's gut wrenching and terrifying. It's also incredibly courageous to admit your fear, face your deficiencies, and strive to improve.\n\nSecond, but isn\u2019t Toastmasters a speaking organization that focuses solely on public speaking with prepared speeches? How exactly does that help with social skills? The obvious answer is that being able to speak in public is a social skill. I\u2019ve heard comments from others stating otherwise, but I don\u2019t believe that\u2019s true. I think what people mean is that public speaking is a skill separate from \u2018one-on-one\u2019 communication with another person or a small group. In regards to Toastmasters, I want to point out why this criticism falls short. \n\nThe concept of a Toastmasters meeting is built around public speaking and prepared speeches, just like Apple is built around building technology products. There is, however, a lot more that goes into a meeting, just like there\u2019s a lot more that goes into Apple than just building technology. In Apple\u2019s case there\u2019s marketing, supply chains, office management, etc. Likewise, in Toastmasters, there\u2019s coordinating speakers, giving evaluations with constructive criticism, setting up meetings, performing feedback roles, and leadership positions in the management of the club. In short, to be a member of Toastmasters, you must interact with people to pull off a successful meeting. Unless there\u2019s a little more going on psychologically, interacting with people will make you more socially aware and build confidence. \n\nWill it help you overcome your fear to start a conversation with that cute guy/girl at the end of the bar? (I think this is really at the root of why many people criticize Toastmasters) Yes, it can. It can help you to start to lead a lifestyle where you face and overcome fear. The keyword here is overcome. It\u2019s very likely you, like any human being, will always feel social anxiety in a new or high stress social situation. There\u2019s no magic wand to make the butterflies go away. You manage them, not annihilate them. By exposing yourself to your social fears via Toastmasters, it allows you to develop strategies to deal with your fear. It\u2019s a trial-by-fire and you\u2019re learning to control the flames of emotion. \n\nThird, although not directly related to social skills, a criticism I often hear is that Toastmasters is full of old people, and it doesn\u2019t really relate to me. (As if socializing with older people doesn't really count as social!?) Pointing out that Toastmasters is full of old people is a valid criticism, but I want to add my interpretation. Most people who get involved with Toastmasters, young or old, get involved because they\u2019re at a certain point in their life and career where they recognize the need to fully develop their communication skills. Often times this is when they move into management or their job involves a high degree of thoughtful interaction with others. By thoughtful interaction I mean jobs or positions where your words and how you communicate take on a significant importance. There are simply less people in their twenties moving into these types of roles than there are in their thirties and beyond. But of the twenty year olds I have met in Toastmasters, I have typically found they hold positions with more responsibility than their peers. Furthermore, once people join Toastmasters, they tend to stick around because they recognize the benefit they get from it. This contributes to having an older demographic.\n\nToastmasters, like any organization, is not without faults. I\u2019m open to other programs for building public speaking, leadership, and social skills. I do believe they\u2019re out there, and I\u2019m sure many of them are effective. (That\u2019s my straw-man :-p ) But, for a measly $30ish dollars every six months, I don\u2019t know of any other program that provides the same value for such a low cost. (Now I\u2019m knocking him down!) I\u2019m open to answering any questions about Toastmasters, but the best resource really is the website at http://www.toastmasters.org. \n\n**TLDR; Toastmasters is beneficial for building social skills and is a great bang for your buck. It can help you learn to overcome your fears, learn to socialize with others, and make you a better speaker.**\n", "answer": "I've done Toastmasters before and it's super helpful. I recommend it to anyone :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "109iht", "comment_id": "c6cgfvs"}, {"question": "Constant, unending exhaustion on abilify", "description": "I am an unemployed student on summer break right now and I would love to spend my time practising music, but I can hardly get an hour in due to constant fatigue. Is this medication related? I've been on abilify for a few years but only noticed the tiredness recently.", "answer": "If youve been on aripiprazole for a while and the dose hasnt been changed of late, it seems unlikely to be due to this. Might be worthwhile getting a routine checkup with your GP/PCP though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5hvbo0", "comment_id": "db3ifyy"}, {"question": "How do I get my therapist to medicate me? I am depressed, anxious, and constantly obsessing over intrusive thoughts.", "description": "I (24F) have been seeing a therapist for issues involving resentment of my partner, based off how they treated me in the past. I have been on antidepressants before, and Klonopin, but I stopped taking them. Every medicine I've been on has, eventually, made me feel like a numb, zombie living in autopilot. I have only been off then for a year but I have only gotten worse. The issues with my partner spiraled after they, more recently, hurt me. Basically I just feel depressed and anxious as hell and I have constant mental images and intrusive thoughts. At this point, I feel medication is the only way because just the act of therapy is not stopping the mental/physical torment I have been dealing with.", "answer": "Definitely ask! \n\nI'm really sorry to hear your past meds weren't helpful to you and had bad side effects. Meds in conjunction with therapy can be really helpful. Sometimes,  after a long depression,  your brain has to be retrained (this is a very simplistic version,  I'm happy to explain more in detail if that is helpful ), to property start using neurotransmitters again.\n\nAnyway,  for some people,  medication can help rebuild neural pathways (there is lots of research on depression and neural pathways you can search) while they work on underlying issues.  \n\nWith a few exceptions (like benzos) meds  aren't effective enough to \"mask\" depression and anxiety symptoms. There is no evidence that typical frontline meds can be used as a crutch or change who you are in any way. \n\nDepending on where you live,  most therapists can't prescribe medications . However,  your therapist may be able to refer you to a trusted psychiatrist or other provider who can discuss medication options. You can let the psychiatrist know that what you tried in the past didn't help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h0zn5h", "comment_id": "ftpdknr"}, {"question": "My cat-fueled realization", "description": "As I'm sure is the case for a lot of you, the end of the year is always a weird time for me. Chronic depression usually rears its ugly head and, like every few weeks or months, I try to battle it as well as I can.\n\nThis year, it was my first \"end of the year\" away from home. Well, I do feel home where I live, but you now, \"away from where I grew up\".\n\nI ended up not doing that well, but not fucking up everything, all things considered. My apartment is covered in trash, which I'm slowly but surely getting rid of (Finally cleaned up the kitchen today ! I can finally cook again. I haven't been able to approach it for about two months... Got two tables to clean up and about 6 bags of trash I've picked up to take out, along with a mountain of cardboard) and I've managed to completely fuck up my budget by overspending for 4 months straight (Food won't be an issue though. Got enough to last about 2 months).\n\nAnyway, as the title implies, I had a realization a few minutes ago. I don't think it'll cure me of anything, but it feels pretty great.\n\nIn early july, I adopted a cat. He was about seven weeks old, white ball of fluff with grey marks on the head, the back and the paws. For the first 12 hours at home, he was terrified. He hid under the couch and didn't move. I was patient and setup a bowl with food, another one with water, some toys, a litter box and I got mentally ready to leave him be for a good week, while he explores and gets used to his new home.\n\nI'll forever remember getting out of my bedroom the next day, about 12 hours after he came home, to this purring little ball of fluff that was waiting in front of my door for me to pet it and play with it.\n\nI don't know how, but, somehow, he'd adopted me in the span of one night.\n\nOver the next few months, every single day, he'd snuggle near me in bed, wake up alongside me and ask for food, some head pats and a little attention. Then when I come back from work, the same circus again, with more excitement and desire to play on his part. We usually end up the day by me sitting in front of the computer, him snuggled on the desk against my chest and purring like there'd be no tomorrow.\n\nAnd even we I have bad days and lose my temper (it's happened quite a lot lately), shout at him or punish him, he always comes back purring, asking for a snuggle.\n\nThat cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now. And so my realization of today: if something is able to love me so much, I may not be such a useless, trash human being. I may not know what he sees in me to have taken to me so fast and so much, but I now know there's \\*something\\* good in there. And it's a thing I think I'll be able to cling onto whenever things start to spiral downwards again.", "answer": "[Time spent with cats is never wasted.  \n~ Freud](https://i.imgur.com/JIpF5uI.jpg)\n\n \n\n> That cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now.\n\nSo cute!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado2yj", "comment_id": "ediw87z"}, {"question": "Advice on where to look at while walking.", "description": " Sorry, I couldn't think of a better sub to ask but I'm gonna try my luck. I was too damn shy when I was younger, and now that I gained confidence these couple of years, I still have some 'basic' stuffs I haven't yet ironed out.   \n\n\nSo question is... Where should I keep my eyes at while walking? \n\n​\n\nI often walk long stretches around university (alone most of the time) and this question pops up into my head repeatedly. Should I be looking at people far ahead or people near me? I enjoy looking at people, rather than my cellphone. I don't think that's creepy, but I wonder if people get creeped out by people like me? \n\n​\n\nAlso, sometimes when I inevitably make eye contact with women (at times a few seconds, I'm male btw), I try my best to casually look away without 'appearing like I got caught/ nervous'. Do women get offended when this happens? \n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "Keep your head up, look at where you're walking, straight ahead.  If something or someone catches your eye, fine to look for a few seconds but don't stare for longer than that.  \n\n\nAs others have said, if you make eye contact with someone, you can look away and keep walking or give them a quick acknowledgement whether that be a nod, a hello, good morning, etc.  This last part is hard for people who aren't used to it, but if you practice it, you'll find yourself feeling a lot more confident in general and it'll be easier to actually start conversations with people when you want.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6jit1", "comment_id": "ejl1hf5"}, {"question": "Dengue", "description": "I want to travel to Madeira in a few days.  I know there was an outbreak of Dengue in 2012 and there are Aedes mosquitos. I'm a little woried, because my dad has only one kidney left. What would you advice?", "answer": "\"Walking the levadas (ancient irrigation channels) can be challenging. Choose only the ones that are suited to your own standard of fitness and experience. Be prepared for narrow, uneven paths and heights. Wear suitable clothing and walking boots. Leave details of where you are going with your hotel reception and take your mobile telephone with you. Better still, join a group of walkers and go with a guide. Take extra care if it has rained as the ground may be slippery and unstable. Check with your tour guide or local organiser that it is safe to visit before setting off.\" (UK FCO travel advice).\n\nOtherwise have a good time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5hyq6c", "comment_id": "db3zxmx"}, {"question": "How to handle an apology?", "description": "I've got the apologizing part down, that's fine, but then what? Once you say I'm sorry, how does the conversation work? \n\nI'm asking because I just apologized to a superior for a mistake I made at work, and once that happened, the conversation turned really awkward. I mean, he took the apology and everything, but how do you respond to stuff like, \"I know it's really hard to apologize and I really appreciate you doing that\"? And how do you wrap up and get away if you have nothing more to say?", "answer": "I think a thank you is very appropriate, followed by a pause. If they don't say anything after a few moments, you can try to transition the conversation away from the apology, or try to conclude the conversation. Since this is your boss, you shouldn't decide the conversation is over--don't see \"Thanks--I appreciate you accepting my apology. Well, I'm going to get back to work.\" Instead, let your boss decide by saying something like \"Thanks--I appreciate you accepting my apology. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss, or should I get back to work?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vmmyj", "comment_id": "c55zo64"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t feel stomach, body won\u2019t let me eat", "description": "26 White M 5\u20198 145lbs\n\nOkay I never know how to explain these things. I\u2019ve been having problems with my stomach lately and I can\u2019t find anything online. \n\nThis has lasted about 3 weeks \n\nHere\u2019s what\u2019s up: \n\n- Stomach starts to gurgle like it\u2019s hungry but doesn\u2019t, just stays as a gas bubble (I get excited when it rumbles)\n\n- Won\u2019t digest food properly, very slow\n\n- Constipated\n\n- Rapid weight loss (was 198 in March, now 145 if that has to do with anything)\n\n- Can\u2019t feel hunger or full\n\n- Have to force myself to eat\n\n- When I look at food, sometimes water, hunger/thirst feeling goes away (anxiety I guess?)\n\n- Nauseous \n\n- Thought I was going to puke a couple times, heaved but nothing\n\nBasically what I\u2019m saying is I can\u2019t feel my stomach, pretty much at all. I could go all day without eating and not feel a thing. It feels like a nerve could be damaged? It\u2019s like everything is just sitting on top of each other, going nowhere\n\nIndigestion? \nReally bad constipation? I used to have terrible OIC a long time ago, but I could still had feeling in my stomach. \n\n- Have chronic back pain, ptsd, depression, anxiety \n- Am on Gabapentin (1200mg 2/day), Norco (5-325mg 1-1.5 tabs/day, Cymbalta 90mg 1/day, Klonopin (only 1 .25mg at night now) \n\n- Went from taking 10-15 opiates a day to about 2-3 since around March. \n- I smoke weed to handle the withdrawals. \n\nIf I think of anything else, I\u2019ll add to this \nWhat could be going on?\n\nEdit: Added things\n\nEdit 2: Gastroparesis?\n\nUpdate: Doctor is referring me to a Gastroenterologist. Could be gastroparesis.", "answer": "Opioids, particularly with chronic use, can cause and worsen gastroparesis. It sounds like you're already reducing the amount taken, which is good. What isn't so clear is whether these are prescribed opioids, in which case there's an obvious doctor to discuss the problem with, or whether you've been acquiring and now tapering on your own, in which case I still encourage you to discuss with a doctor who's managing some of your other symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ec91er", "comment_id": "fbahm4z"}, {"question": "I need help but am extremely concerned about involuntary commitment to a mental health facility.", "description": "So as stated things are going off the rails in my mind but I'm worried that if I'm honest with a therapist they will not let me leave. It is my understanding that in Colorado it's a 72-hour holding time and one might argue that it's better for me if I'm concerned about it. I know that I pose no immediate threat to myself or others and have never intentionally hurt myself or anyone else. But I'm worried that if I tell a therapist how much I think about suicide they will disagree. I've thought about using strategies to try to get them to focus on other things or just minimizing the severity of the problems while building trust and allowing them to observe relatively stable activity with the hope of telling them the truth later. But I'm not confident I could effectively withhold information from a professional if I'm attempting to actually receive treatment and I believe this would be counterproductive. I know that getting help is the only way but another part of me feels that getting help might set me so far back that I should just figure it out on my own. So I guess my question is how concerned should I be? How often do you commit someone to a facility and what are the reasons you do so? And maybe, what will it be like if it happens?\n\nEdit: exchanged \"might be counterproductive\" for \"would be...\"\n\nEdit 2: changed \"my therapist\" to \"a therapist\"", "answer": "This varies a bit by license , but in general,  in the US you can't be involuntarily committed unless you are an imminent threat to yourself or others. Seriously,  the American Healthcare system CAN'T EVEN  when people are in danger . Sometimes new clinicians are a little overzealous and freak out,  but any seasoned clinician can tell the difference between despair that leads to suicidal ideation and actual suicidal intent. In any case, it takes several professionals to get admitted involuntarily.  \n\nIn my state,  I could LOSE MY LICENSE if I committed someone without plan and intent .\n\nSo, saying you think about it 24/7 is different than saying you have a plan that can be carried out. \n\nYou have the right to ask before you share anything.  \"How do you decide when to voluntarily commit someone?\n\nAlso,  it is kind of rare to be involuntarily committed in my experience.  Most psychologists will give people every damn opportunity to voluntarily admit. I have seen paramedics hold people 's hands so they can sign after an intentional overdose. Even when we think you need to be there , most of us what your dignity intact as much as possible.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdiy3y", "comment_id": "fvlnaw5"}, {"question": "Relationship with Ex-Therapist is making depression so much worse. What do I do?", "description": "Everyone is telling me that my ex-therapist (we'll call him Calvin) is a pervert and a creep. But the thing is, he helped me so much when I was in therapy with him that I'm reluctant to report him, even though what he did was completely wrong (inviting me to his house, pouring me alcohol, making me stay the night, embarking on a sexual relationship). I tried to kill myself last year and have been through many different types of therapy ever since. I'm currently seeing another therapist (we'll call her Sally) who is urging me to report Calvin and get his license taken away, and my depression is so bad that I'm still having persistent thoughts of suicide. I'm struggling so much--I feel so responsible for not saying NO to Calvin and for being so attracted to him in the beginning. \n\nIf anyone has any advice, or has been in any sort of relationship with their ex-therapist before (Calvin and I were never intimate until therapy ended), it would help me very much to hear it. I've looked everywhere and can't find any information on relationships with ex-therapists, so I'm at a loss for what to do. I know I should probably report him, but I feel so responsible for our relationship, too. And my depression is just spiraling out of control.", "answer": "Calvin's behavior is wildly unethical on so many levels. There are reasons why therapists are ethically banned from engaging in any relationship outside of treatment, let alone romantic or sexual relationships. Clients are vulnerable in the therapeutic relationship and as thus the therapist has some power in that relationship, and engaging in a romantic relationship is abusing that power. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1l26x5", "comment_id": "cbvd176"}, {"question": "Dear friend", "description": "(tw suicide, maybe)\n\nLook, I know you have your own problems. You've been struggling with anxiety and depression this year, you've never been away from home before... I get it. It's shitty. I've been here for you. We all have. \n\nAnd I understand that you won't always have time/energy for other people's problems (even if you expect us to always have time/energy for you and yours). That's okay, and it's one of the reasons I try to stay positive around you. Not everybody is good at being a shoulder to cry on (even if that's something you pride yourself on, despite never really doing it).\n\nBut if I'm talking in a group chat about how I am trying to find a reason not to kill myself *at this very moment*, maybe you could try to hold off talking about your problems for five minutes. No, I'm being selfish. After all, not being able to find a jar of peanut butter is so much more important than your friend of 10+ years staring down a bottle of painkillers.", "answer": "I'm going through this issue with my best friend, who often \"one-ups\" the issues I complain about. I hope you feel better and have other friends that are better listeners.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264p5h", "comment_id": "chnvdsg"}, {"question": "a-ha quote: lifelong marketing lies", "description": "Good morning all,\n\nI was reading *The Naked Mind* this morning and came across a passage that really hit hard and I wanted to share it incase it helps anyone else.  \n\n**\"When promoting alcohol, marketers sell a better human experience: relief from the human condition. And in doing so, we promise the opposite of what alcohol really provides. We sell happiness where there is pain. We sell romantic relationships when alcohol destroys healthy, fulfilling relationships. We sell sex when drinking deadens your senses and, as a depressant, actually decreases sexual desire, making it difficult to achieve erections and orgasm. \u2026. We sell stress relief when addiction derails your life. We sell increased mental capacity and creativity, yet drinking slows our brain function, resulting in less intelligent and creative thought.\"**\n\n\\-Annie Grace, *This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life* (pp. 83-84)\n\nIt's just insane to me how we have been sold a lie our entire lives about what alcohol is and how it affects the body and mind.  Whenever I start to feel left out of this world of glittering champagne flutes that the media keeps pushing down my throat or the wine culture that tries to convince me that somehow a nightly glass of wine is as essential to being a 30-year-old professional woman as my sensible flats are then I know I can look to this passage to remind myself to pull further out and see the entire picture.  Not just the filtered version that the alcohol companies want me to see.  ", "answer": "Its amazing...i recently came across a very old yogs book which was published in the 60's. There, right in the middle of the book, was an advert for cigarettes. ... i couldnt believe it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8wtx37", "comment_id": "e1ywhwo"}, {"question": "Exercising is *causing* my depression. WTF is wrong with me?", "description": "I'm a 26-year-old male that's 5'8\" and 170 lbs. I've finally started taking my health seriously, so I signed up at my local gym about 3 months ago, and I've been consistently exercising 3 days per week since then. It's been the biggest damn mistake I've ever made.\n\nI've heard people rave about how exercise is the answer to all the world's problems at least 10,000 times before (conservative estimate). I've heard all the promises of increased confidence, happiness, energy, girls throwing themselves at you, solving world hunger, etc. So I figured I would give it a try. Unfortunately I'm feeling like I stupidly fell for a bunch of lies and snake oil.\n\nWhenever I'm finished working out, I always get hit with a really strong wave of depression. It's bad. During my drive home, I'm usually flooded with thoughts of sadness, self-hatred, shame, etc. I often start sobbing during my showers afterwards. I've even started fantasizing about suicide lately during these spells (even though I'm not clinically depressed and I've never once felt suicidal during my 25 years of not working out). I thought this might have been a temporary thing when I first started out, but it's only gotten worse over time. I hate feeling like this, and it's a really strong anti-motivator for exercising. It always feels like a punishment, never a reward.\n\nI generally stay hydrated, eat a halfway-decent diet (including right before/after workouts), and sleep 8 hours per night. I've heard all the by-the-book suggestions, and they don't seem to make much difference. I still don't feel good before, during, or after exercise. I've never felt a single second of pleasure, happiness, or \"endorphins\". I've only felt fatigue, pain, dread, and regret.\n\nSo far I've tried walking, running, weightlifting, basketball, biking, and racquetball. I haven't enjoyed any of these activities. I've even tried switching gyms and running/biking on different trails, thinking that the change of scenery might help. But that hasn't worked either. If I'm being honest, I don't see the benefit in doing this any more more. I'm not interested in looking \"sexy\" or whatever, I'm not interested in squatting 220 lbs, and I'm not interested in running a 10K one day. I'm only forcing myself to exercise because smart people say I should, but I can't keep putting myself through this suffering forever. I'm really close to running out of gas. If I become obese and die of a heart attack at age 50, then so be it.\n\nI've seen two separate primary care doctors about this. The first doctor just looked at me like I had 10 heads and said \"that's not supposed to happen\". Her only suggestion was to consult with a therapist. She didn't call me crazy, but I can take a hint. The second doctor ran a variety of blood tests (including thyroid function, testosterone levels, iron levels, etc). Everything came back normal.\n\nWTF is going on here? My experience is the 180-degree polar opposite of EVERYONE else's (and I'm constantly reminded of this all the time), but nobody seems to know why. I feel really discouraged and hopeless. I'm beginning to think my health and fitness is just a lost cause. This whole self-improvement deal has gone way down the wrong direction.... :(\n\nI know it's a longshot, but has anyone here ever heard of anything like this? Any suggestions or advice you might have for me? Thanks for reading.", "answer": "Is your depression caused by any sort of trauma? Trauma can be held somatically (meaning in the body) and sometimes things like exercise can begin releasing it, bringing up a lot of difficult emotions. Working with a somatic therapist or at least a trauma informed therapist can help. Yoga is also good as others have mentioned. \n\nYou might also try exercise that gets you outside in nature instead of the gym?", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "a27mi0", "comment_id": "eaw9r6n"}, {"question": "depression as nocebo effect?", "description": "I just watched this video on mass psychogenic illnesses https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2hO4_UEe-4&feature=youtu.be where basically you get symptoms of a disease just because you are told you have it. I (and other scholars) view 'depression' as just an arbitrary list of symptoms (anxiety, inability to sleep, decreased energy levels, give or take)-- the cause of the symptoms being the controversial issue (chemical, psychosocial)...\nso then thought: if you just see it as a nocebo effect, that you get the symptoms because you are constantly told about these symptoms, then it all seems quite silly.", "answer": "You're making an incorrect assumption about depression's causality. Because you and your scholars view depression as an arbitrary list of symptoms, you assume that's what depression is. The symptoms of depression are not as vague and relative as you listed off. It has detailed phrases, and specific time criteria in order to meet a diagnosis. Most importantly, the diagnosis requires you to suffer from \"marked distress\" that's negatively impacting your everyday life, as noted by a diagnostician. Unless you have all of these things, and confirmed by a professional, you wont actually have depression.\n\nYou shouldn't form conclusions based on premises like that of \"psychogenic illnesses\". People can be persuaded into believing they have nearly any mental health diagnosis, so this occurrence doesn't put depression's legitimacy into question. We see this in nearly every field that labels human cognition and behavior. It's the same reason people go into hospitals convinced they have bird flu only after hearing about it on the news. Same reason (among others for this specific example) more parents believe their children have autism, We tend to believe the things we hear impact our lives.\n\nDepression can occur in someone for a handful of reasons. We know many people develop depression from trauma, chemical inbalances, etc. You shouldn't see depression simply for its nocebo effect. The nocebo effect exists, but it only exists in those that simply don't understand.\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3y9fav", "comment_id": "cybn7id"}, {"question": "Still sober at 640", "description": "Hello sober friends! I've been away from here for a while. I wanted to pop in and say hello, I'm still sober, still taking care of myself. \n\n640 days is where I'm at, and it's pretty neat to see the days, but I'm at the point where the days don't really mean as much to me as they once did. I'll take it as a good thing. \n\nI will not drink with you today! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hi 640 buddy! ... thanks for posting because its nice to see someone else who stopped the day I did having success and rediscovering the rewarding complexities of life that only sobriety can give. I will not drink with you today!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dct9jo", "comment_id": "f2d5rh0"}, {"question": "WOW... Did my therapist just explain away all my ADHD-symptoms by claiming I simply never learned how to cook/clean/be productive while growing up?! Oh yes she did!", "description": "Today my therapist finally explained to me why she doesn't think I have ADHD. I've told her about my somewhat dysfunctional upbringing, and of course about all my symptoms now as an adult, which is everything I read about in this sub and more.\n\nGuess what she finally told me? \"It's clear to me that you just never learned all these things (cooking, cleaning, paying bills, getting stuff done) when you were growing up, so you will just need to learn these skills now as an adult instead.\" I mean... WHAT?! I was so shook that I just sat there staring at her. I have never felt so misunderstood in my life...", "answer": "I think the problem people like this therapist have is that they don't quite believe their clients.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "dwwhf4", "comment_id": "f7n9dlt"}, {"question": "Do online therapy companies use EMRs? If not do they need to keep patient info?", "description": "Curious about how online therapy like talkspace goes through with this process.", "answer": "I have never used talk space,  but state laws require that charts be kept.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3iln", "comment_id": "fxfi6fi"}, {"question": "How much helpful is psychotherapy in crucial decision making situations?", "description": "I am in a very bad situation (mental health) right now, and I need some advice to fix things. Is it okay to go for psychotherapy and seek out advice?", "answer": "Therapy can be helpful BUT you will want to seek out a therapist who uses a solution-focused modality if you are looking for someone to take a more hands on approach to help you \"fix things\". Seeking out advice is not something therapists ethically can dole out constantly. They strive to help give you the tools to make those decisions on your own. A solution-focused approach gives more support in this area compared to other approaches.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dwby3v", "comment_id": "f7i31y3"}, {"question": "I could not have done any of this had I been drinking", "description": "Last day of my vacation with my children. Driving home/hope. This has reaffirmed my humanity. This would not have happened had I not stopped drinking.  I love my kids so much. I will not drink today.", "answer": "Well done. Holidays can be tough with kids in ways too... but definately not made easier by hangovers.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfyj8w", "comment_id": "eue9sle"}, {"question": "Cold getting worse.", "description": "Hello ! I am a 19 years old female and two weeks ago, I started to have a sore throat and I was coughing a lot. My sore throat stopped a few days after but the coughing was getting worst. I was coughing so hard to the point I couldn't get any air and I almost threw up a few time because of my cough. I went to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist what I could do to feel better. He told me to take Ventolin and Flovent (I do not have asthma anymore but still have my meds for it) and honey for the cough. I was getting better but on December 26th, I started to have a sore throat again and my nose started to drip. The cough didn't worsen but blood vessels in my eyes started to pop due to the constant cough. My parents suggested me to go see a doctor in case it's a pneumonia but I think it's just a bad cold. I don't know if I should listen to them or wait to see if it disappear.\n\nI also had a small fever (101.4) on December 22nd, 23rd and 27th. ", "answer": "Still sounds like the [common cold](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cold-common/Pages/Introduction.aspx) rather than pneumonia, though if you get shortness of breath then it would be wise to seek assistance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kyq3o", "comment_id": "dbrmpnp"}, {"question": "My Fianc\u00e9 wants me to get an abortion, yet i want to keep it, but i don't want to lose him. help.", "description": "recently my fianc\u00e9 and I just moved to a state where i've never lived. I have no family in the state animal friends with no job either but i am currently in college. he is also in college with no job but he's being paid through the army to go to school. He already has a child and is a very good father even though his kid lives with his ex wife. He's been wanting another one and we've always joked about it. About four weeks ago when i found out He was excited. super excited. but now that we actually got here and he's in school he wants me to get rid of it. I'm 8 weeks. i don't want to get rid of it but i don't want to lose him. i don't know what to do. ", "answer": "It's your decision 100%.  This is a forever decision so be 100% certain it's the right one for YOU.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ynbeq", "comment_id": "dmongq6"}, {"question": "Can I Get Mental Health Advice Without Parental Knowledge? (UK)", "description": "Since I've just turned 16, I've decided to finally address an issue that's been bothering me for a while. My mental health.\n\nSo the back story is that, 2-3 years ago some bad things have happened, that I'd not like to go into. And recently I've been noticing the effect (such as anxious intrusive thoughts, mistrust, and for lack of a better term: unloading my struggles on them for help) on my interactions and relationships with people I care a great deal about. So I'm scared this is going to alienate them or cause them distress. Which would make me feel awful. Something like this has happened before and I've tried addressing the issue alone but to no avail. Loneliness has been an ongoing issue.\n\nAnother issue that is tied into this is my, bad moments, for lack of a proper term. These involve; crying, shaking, desperate thoughts, trouble confirming breathing, occasionally thoughts of self harm, irrational intrusive thoughts. And usually keep me up at night. These moments last an hour or two (and occur about once or twice a month) and I'd usually ask someone I trust to intervene though I'd like to ask a professional to help me find ways to stop burdening others with this.\n\nThese two issue in particular bother me, and have for the last 2 years. Though they've been getting better.\n\nBack to my question, my parents have shown a very cynical approach to mental health. Therefore I'd like to avoid telling them about seeking help. Though I'm not sure if there is a legal way to go about this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for hearing me out.", "answer": "As everyone else has said, you can speak to your GP in confidence.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76ee8j", "comment_id": "doe47y8"}, {"question": "How can I help my partner who feels unfullfilled in his job and has confessed to having suicidal thoughts.", "description": "Basically the title, It's been 8 years and I've handled his depression on and off. The current bought is because he *hates* his job. It's so hard for me to console him. I have no idea how to help him or even what words of comfort I can give him other than the usual I love yous, we will get through this, ect. \n\nI can't imagine my life without him and am terrified of him following through on his suicidal thoughts. I stay up most nights watching him breath in bed next to me, just bawling at the thought of him being so unhappy that he wants to end his life. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and scared. ", "answer": "These are all good suggestions. It may help for you to learn and understand more about what suicidal thoughts are. One of the books I typically recommend people read to understand suicide more is, \"Why people die by suicide\". It's fairly understandable as it is written for laypeople. \n\nWhile suicidal thoughts certainly are scary, the best things you can do, as the partner are the following:\n(1) tell him you want to know what and how he is feeling, (2) telling him that yes, it may be scary but you can handle it. And if it is overwhelming you know where to go for help (but you need to actually know. And a therapist is great for this)\n\nThe vast majority of people that have suicidal thoughts do not attempt suicide because there are many reasons for living that are stronger than the reasons for dying. Don't be so scared of thoughts of death that it becomes a barrier to enjoying things together and having a life. \n\nIt sounds to me like he really does hate his job. People can deal with miserable circumstances if they feel there is an end in sight (hope that things will get better). When there is not hope of things improving the risk of suicide shoots way through the rough. (This hope or the lack thereof is actually one of the best predictors of suicide that we know). As such, help him and support him to find things about his work situation that could be eventually better. (Getting more training, applying for other jobs, going to school, changing career, retirement...)\n\nMaking a connection with a therapist and having an established relationship with a helping professional that you and he trust will be helpful now. And most importantly, it will be even more important should things get worse. \n\nI think you are perhaps the person most in the world that can help and support your partner, I personally think it would be a mistake for you to not be involved in treatment.  I have tried to make this response as brief as possible, happy to say more or clarify if you have questions. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "act78r", "comment_id": "edb2l4a"}, {"question": "Feminine Care and ADHD", "description": "\nFair warning, this post will be about periods and birth control. If that icks you out, turn back now.\n\nI\u2019m a female with ADHD. While there are many struggles this causes, I\u2019ve come to share the solutions I\u2019ve found for the things in my life that I can\u2019t let my ADHD interfere with.\n\n*Periods*\nThat time of the month has always been my least favorite (and I would assume it\u2019s the same for all people with uteruses that shed their linings). The worst is forgetting to change my pad or tampon. I\u2019ve been at work or school, too distracted by socializing or hyper focused on the thing I\u2019m working on, when I feel it. The leaking. My panties are ruined, and I\u2019m stuck with gross bloodiness until I can get back home and change.\n\nSolution: menstrual cup! I thought it would be gross at first, putting this thing inside my vagina and emptying out the blood it collects, but it turns out it\u2019s way cleaner than tampons or pads. I never have blood in my panties or on my labia. The best part- it only needs to be changed twice a day! No longer do I have to remember if it\u2019s been 4 or 6 hours since my last tampon change. Now, I insert the cup at 7am, I know it must be changed by 7pm. That\u2019s way easier to remember.\n\n\n*Birth Control*\nDespite setting an alarm on my phone, I could never keep up with the pill. I\u2019m married, and lack of impulse control has made me a bit risky with condoms. I know there\u2019s the shot and the implant, but all the friends I\u2019ve seen use those methods gained at least 30lbs. \n\nSolution: IUD! I was so afraid it would hurt, but I felt no pain at all. I took ibuprofen and did yoga breathing during insertion.\nThe best part- I don\u2019t have to worry about birth control for 10 years! It\u2019s the kind without hormones, so my periods and moods are unaffected.\n\nI just wanted to share some of my solutions for the things that were seriously impacting my life because of ADHD. I know these solutions might not work for everyone, but if you\u2019re suffering in the same way I was, I highly recommend you give these a try.", "answer": "Also, this post and comment thread needs to be much higher on the feed!! Women we need to upvote!!!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bplud7", "comment_id": "enw59uq"}, {"question": "My lady friend is back after 5 months aboard.", "description": "So my lady friend is back after being abroad for 5 months and I am very happy. I missed her while she was away more than I care to admit. We got brunch today and we talked for hours. It was very nice and I feel very happy. \n\nThat is all. I know this isn't the usual offmychest post but I'm so happy I just have to tell someone. \nIt's very nice.", "answer": "I'm on the same boat. 3 more months until I see her again! I can't wait! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "49kpme", "comment_id": "d0th2c0"}, {"question": "Day One Again.", "description": "Been subscribed to this subreddit for 4 years. Off and on sobriety the whole time. Longest I've ever lasted is 4 months. Once 30 days. Other than that barely one day. \n\n\nWent to a meeting today. Cried. I think I'm finally ready. Just needed to type that out for myself. No recognition needed. That is all.", "answer": "find your moment that keeps you sober and hold it true to your heart and remind yourself time again what that is and what it feels like both good and bad whatever. Its a mental memento thats important for the day to day stuff. I'm sober with you today.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4tawfy", "comment_id": "d5gdwk6"}, {"question": "Yep now my kitchen needs redecorating", "description": "So I was doing my son some toast under the grill but of course nature calls I come out 15 mins later to the wall behind the grill looking like scorched earth box of tissues and a magazine on fire luckily I was able to put it out kids safe which is the main thing but fml.", "answer": "Ugh I\u2019m so sorry that happened and glad you\u2019re all safe. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akmyok", "comment_id": "ef66dtw"}, {"question": "M21 super nervous/anxious for first date that's in 6 hrs and i don't know what to do", "description": "I posted before for advice on asking a girl out. But I never thought she'd say yes. I've known her for a few months now and finally grew half a pair and finally asked her. Tonight is our first date going to a restaurant. Since we're in college in the middle of nowhere and my parents absolutely refuse to let me drive even though im a senior and the girl just moved here so she has no car either my friend is kind enough to drive the both of us. Anyways im really nervous, anxious w/e.... My head is like stuck in a loop i don't think i'll be able to walk right when i see her. holy shit what do I do and any tips lol", "answer": "think   \"one thing at a time.\"   memorize a list of a few topics so you don't fumble in crunch time", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s8erd", "comment_id": "ddd3zda"}, {"question": "Depersonalization experiences?", "description": "Recently I remembered a traumatic event from my childhood (one of many lol) and I've been having a lot of  feelings of depersonalization. Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "Yes, definitely. I could be wrong, but I think it is more common with complex PTSD. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5o872m", "comment_id": "dchd7if"}, {"question": "An open note to /u/AspieWarrior", "description": "I'm going to be incredibly blunt here, and I'm in no position of power to enforce anything or take an official stance, so take it as a rant or whatever. This is entirely from my perspective. \n\nThis subreddit, in my view, is for our fellow aspies to help each other come over our common obstacles and even our not so common obstacles; as well as I place of enlightenment so that we may learn just how much we are both hindered and assisted by our condition. Occasionally an interest thread my pop up and give us all a bit of extra insight into something. \n\nThe issue I have is appear to be attempting to claim this subreddit as a staging platform for your personal blog. I have just hit 5 running posts on my front page, all to different articles on your blog. If you want us to read your blog, introduce it, and yourself to us, make us aware of what you are trying to achieve, what the blog is specifically about, etc. \n\nEven then, only post links to any particularly large posts which grant insight, not random thoughts; or even better, let someone else post them. As it stands now you just appear (to me) to be attention seeking and/or karma whoring. \n\nIf anyone else has anything at all to say on this, please feel free to add it below. \n\nEdit: Please keep it civil. \n\nEdit 2: wow peeps, seriously calling him out on not replying to a post less than 4 hours old? People sleep and work ya know. Here is his reply. \n\nEdit 3: this was resolved a while ago. There is now no need to continue this. ", "answer": "HOW IN THE HELL is a guy with 38 karma \"karma whoring?\"\n\nHe probably posts more original content than 99% of reddit ever has, for that matter.  Maybe you don't like the content.  Well, downvote it. It seems people have already chosen that option\n\nHow is a guy with 0 karma points on almost all of his posts making it to your front page?\n\nDoes reddit work differently for you than everybody else?\n\nIf you did get 5 running posts by the same guy on your front page, how much does it harm you to scroll 3 extra inches down your screen?\n\nEven if this guy had the worst intentions in the world, he would still be merely \"attempting\" to use this subreddit as a staging platform for his personal blog.\n\nI would suggest you think long and hard over what you are allowing yourself to get worked up about.  Does AspieWarrior have the problem here?  It doesn't seem like it to me.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "yncep", "comment_id": "c5xdb16"}, {"question": "I [20/m] have feelings for my best friend [21/f], don't know what to do.", "description": "I'm in my first year of university and have known her for about 8 months. I didn't realize I had feelings for her until 2-3 months ago. At first my response was to try backing off and hope the feelings would fade away. Usually that's what happens to me as I've only had long lasting feelings once before. But they didn't die and now I can't figure out what to do. I really don't want to risk our friendship because I value it a lot and a few of my other important friendships would also be hurt if my relation with her was hurt. I see her every day usually including the weekends.\n\nI can't go on like this because whilst I feel great being around her and just seeing her makes me happy. It hurts so much when I hear about her being with other guys and I get a little jealous just seeing her talking to guys. Sometimes this ruins an entire day. \n\nShe probably doesn't have feelings for me and I'm not sure of what kind of outcome I want. The best would probably be for my feelings to die, but she's quite amazing and I don't get these kind of feelings often.\n\nRight now I'm thinking about telling her or potentially ask a friend for advice, but both of those are quite terrifying to me.", "answer": "Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't reciprocate and is mature, you'll stay best friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jsv6", "comment_id": "dgqygpo"}, {"question": "School isn't everything", "description": "With the start of a new school year (well here in Australia at least) I am seeing the usual crop of articles and facebook stuff about how important it is to do well in your final year of school. That final year, that is the year that will define you, or so they say.\n\nThere is a hell of a lot of pressure on school. However school with ADHD is hard, really hard. \n\n**High School WILL NOT DEFINE YOU**\n\nYou will hear some people tell you this, but everyone else will say you should study hard in high school otherwise you will get nowhere. \n\nIt wont define you. At all. \n\n**I know this for a fact.** When I did my final year of high school I was undiagnosed and did no work and no study, I had no motivation, I hated it, it was like being at prison. So no surprise when results came out I did not do well (For reference we have a system where the top mark is 99.95, which is the top .05 percentile and it decreases from there). I got 58, so I was in the 42 percentile (I think that is right lol, I didn't do maths past year 10).\n\nMy marks were so low I couldn't go to university. I went to TAFE (equivalent to a community college). I followed what I enjoyed and four years later I was doing law at one of the top law schools in the country. I was sitting in lectures with people straight out of high school who got 99.95. \n\nThat may not be the path for you. What is important is to remember **you are not defined by what you did  in high school when you are 17/18 years old. Follow your heart and you will find something that you love and will crush at.** Everyone will be saying how important it is to do well in high school, but it isn't, and they don't know shit.\n\nMake your own path, whether it is transfer around to Uni, whether it is to work with your hands, whatever it is, follow your heart, not what your school and school friends tell you should be your path! It might take you a little longer to get there, but I guarantee you will be happier and better at it when you do!\n\n**TL;DR: High school does not define who you are. You can make your own path. No one knows what they want to do at 18, and not doing super amazing at high school will NEVER stop you achieving what you want in life.** ", "answer": "This. Thankyou.\n\nI didn't graduate and I'm a year away from being a registered psychologist and doing what I'm so passionate about. I've already achieved so much. \n\nMy mother in law keeps speculating what my daughter will do when shes older, a doctor, dentist, surgeon etc. It actually frustrates me because I couldn't care less what she does as long as she's passionate about it and it supports her enough financially that she can follow whatever her dreams are.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "amlp8h", "comment_id": "efnjo6y"}, {"question": "Is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "Early 20's Caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which I've had since I was a young teen). When I first developed symptoms of endometriosis I started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness I switched to progesterone only pills, which I've been on continuously for the past five years. I had surgery and was also on Lupron for one year. I have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but I also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of SLE. \n\nOne of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. Ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when I don't have a fever). Almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. There's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. It will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.\n\nI've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. For a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, I was kind of dropped by my doctors... I don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. My doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. My gynecologist says it's not, because I'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think I am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). He says that even though I am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy I'm on. \n\nThis has become very frustrating. I live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and I feel like I can't even go outside anymore. I feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. The only solution I've been offered is to take Tylenol every day, making sure I don't exceed 3,000 mg. I don't like this option because I don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when I'm not in a lot of pain. \n\nDo you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "Although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 F (37.0 C). Even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. There's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. Even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "e27bg1g"}, {"question": "My GF [27] wants a break with me [26M]. What do I do?", "description": "Hi all,\n\nWas hoping some of you could provide me with some of your thoughts on how to handle this tough situation. My GF and I have been madly in love with eachother for 2 years but have dealt with a number of obstacles along the way. Main issue has been that her parents do not approve of me and as such we've hidden our relationship from them for a long time. And basically this has always left our relationship in ambiguity (are we actually exclusive or not etc), as if we could be \"broken up\" any moment.\n\nRecently I had to travel for work for a couple months so we were away from eachother for a long time. I just came back and found out she had hooked up with a friend of hers for a couple times and had hidden this from me (she said she wanted to find the right time to tell me). We had a huge fight about it, I said some things I shouldn't have said, but we made up and stayed over at mine for the next few nights. We talked it all through and she said she just felt lonely and didn't mean to hurt me, she doesn't feel anything for the other guy and has already cut it off (her words). She said she loves me and really wants this to work but just often feels lost on how to make it work. She just wants a break for 1 week and we planned to meet again next week to discuss further. She said she needs some time to collect her thoughts. I love this girl to death, and know that often this is just the slow walk to an actual break up but I'd really appreciate your thoughts on what I could/should be doing during our break? I want nothing more in this world than to make this fixed again.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "guidelines for a break.\n 1 month. coffee 1-2/wk. no dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pvb8g", "comment_id": "dkshc9d"}, {"question": "Rejection Sensitive Disphoria and ADHD question (advice needed)", "description": "I don't know where to post this.\nSo i am currently on a trip with some friends and they posted an all together picture earlier (on social media) without me in it because i was over 1 hour late due to car problems.\nNow my rsd is going of the charts and im starting to hyperfocus on that thing only and not the current awesome experience we are having. My mind screams confront them about it but my heart says no.\nWhat should i do?\nI am still in the process of getting treatment for ADHD.", "answer": "I have experienced some intense RSD moments and it is super uncomfortable. It sounds like these friends mean alot to you and you mean alot to them (otherwise they wouldn't have invited you I assume). Only you can make the choice of whether to confront but before you do ask yourself what is the emotion behind the RSD trying to convince me?    \n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "80qlte", "comment_id": "duxvtz5"}, {"question": "What do you do in this situation?", "description": "So say you walk into the cafeteria. One of your friends and his girlfriend are sitting alone together. You say hi to them and go to get your food. Do you sit down and third wheel with them or sit somewhere else by yourself?", "answer": "If it hasn't been established that you eat with them regularly and you don't get the vibe they're having a very personal conversation, simply ask them \"Mind if join you?\"  \n\n\nLike so many questions in this sub, the answer is a simple, if you're not sure if it would be okay with someone, ask.  :-D", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7b8rg", "comment_id": "ec1ufhv"}, {"question": "No Doctors Available, Possible Overdose Symptoms or Something Else?", "description": "I posted this the other day and have yet to receive a response.  I am a bit worried, as no doctor in my country can currently see patients and I cannot even get through by phone.  Would someone here be able to enlighten or advise me on these symptoms?\n\nOver the course of a few days, I developed a head tremor (a side to side shaking, like a 'no' gesture), that by the third day was constant.  Though I can consciously suppress the shaking, it feels better not to do so.  This is combined with a headache - it is not so much pain, but rather an uncomfortable pressure combined with numbness and an odd feeling like the sort of sensation you get before loosing consciousness, yet I do not feel dizzy.  My energy and concentration are suffering, and I feel an almost constant need for sleep, despite having had plenty. Oh, and I have been unconsciously tilting my head significantly to the right.\n\nP.S. I had a fever for a few days before onset, but it cleared up before the tremor began.  I had since also noticed a swelling protruding below the front base of my right rib cage, which I assume (but could be wrong) is my liver, or possibly my gall-bladder.\n\nCould this be an accidental overdose of a vitamin supplement or something like that?  Nothing I can find online about the onset of a head-tremor matches my other symptoms or otherwise lack thereof.  And though at first I thought I was experiencing some kind of neurological event, all the symptoms lessened significantly after I ceased eating for a couple days, so I really have no idea... I suppose the lack of GI symptoms might rule out the cause being something I ingested though?\n\nI am 37 years old, caucasian, 5'10\" in height, 180 lb, I do not smoke, I drink very rarely, I do not take drugs, my cholesterol and blood-pressure are fine, and I am not currently on any medication, though I do take vitamin and mineral supplements.  I have MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), mild iron-deficiency anaemia, and mild alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency.\n\nP.S. I am not in any pain, and other than my head and the fatigue, I do not feel ill.", "answer": "Although your symptoms do not sound familiar to me, I would recommend you see a physician.  You need a physical exam, I can't give it through the internet. \n\nSpend all day on the phone to get through if you have to.\n\nPerhaps you can photograph the protrusion and film the tremor in the mean time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmhc1z", "comment_id": "fl4jp37"}, {"question": "Afraid of endoscopic/pelvic medical procedures, doctors won't help me cope with procedure", "description": "When I was 5 or 6 I had ongoing symptoms of UTI so my mom brought me to a doctor, but there was no finding of bacteria. The doctor then gave me a forceful external pelvic exam, which meant they stripped my clothes off, and then rubbed some cream all over the genital urinary area while I was struggling. There was no pain involved, just humiliation since the whole time I was begging for a female doctor.\n\nI can't deal with needles, I can barely deal with pelvic exams, and only with one doctor who I know very well.\n\nA doctor wants to do a cystoscopy to me which is a procedure I wouldn't have imagined in my worst nightmares. The only way I could go through with this is if it was treated like a colonoscopy, which is I'm given something that would knock me the fuck out and I'd have 0 awareness of what was happening. No doctor I talk to will consider giving me GA, even though I read sometimes patients with sexual trauma need it, which I very much do. \n\nI have no idea how to convince a doctor to knock me out for the procedure, because they all have the mindset that I can leave their practice if I don't want to do it while awake. I'm on medicaid so my options are really limited to begin with.\n\nI'm also afraid that my experience as a child will just be put off as 'overreacting' if I tell them why I can't deal with them touching that part of me. I can't really say I've been sexually abused, because I wasn't. It scarcely fits the definition of sexual trauma. ", "answer": "It doesn't matter how someone wants to define sexual trauma. The fact is, your body and mind respond as if you have had sexual trauma, and that is very real. Trauma from a medical procedure is  also very real. I have gone through it myself and I am commenting to remind myself to follow this thread. I've been putting off procedures for years because of my past trauma.\n\nYou know what really sucks? Basically, if you had all the money in the world and could purchase any insurance you wanted, you'd have no problem finding a doctor who would put your under GA for something like what you're looking to get done. You hand them money, they give you GA and the procedure, everyone walks away happy. Medicare has done a lot of good for a lot of people but it's so limited and at the end of the day, the treatment that is available to you is not the same treatment that is available to people who happen to have more money. \n\nIf you end up going to a different doctor, I would say that you've had sexual trauma and need GA from the start. The details of that aren't their business. Will your insurance cover it? I don't know. ", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5xdrnj", "comment_id": "dei8jbz"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe is classic BPD. But it's very common to have comorbid disorders -- mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD, eating dis, OCD, substance abuse, ...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eolla7t"}, {"question": "When I take multivitamins I recall vivid dreams, does this mean I'm deficient? (27M)", "description": "I rarely take multi-vitamins, but when I do I invariably wake up remembering vivid dreams. Most of the time when not taking vitamins I don't usually remember my dreams. I've seen this correlation for years now.\n\nI was under the general impression that multivitamins are next to useless for people with decent diets. I subscribed to that idea hence why I rarely take them, however if they seem to cause such a marked effect on dreams that makes me wonder if they really are effective in other ways too.\n\nI had a google and found that B vitamins are known to cause vivid dreams or help recall dreams. But what I couldn't find out is if this effect on me suggests that I am deficient in them.", "answer": "Why would recalling vivid dreams necessarily be a sign of a good thing? I won\u2019t claim it can\u2019t be, but there\u2019s no reason to assume it\u2019s anything but an odd finding like riboflavin turning your urine bright yellow.\n\nThis is also the kind of thing that\u2019s highly subject to placebo effect. It would be fascinating to do a double-blind randomized controlled trial, but I don\u2019t expect it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fde852", "comment_id": "fjh4j3p"}, {"question": "How do i know if i got bitten by a snake", "description": "Age: 21\n\nGender: Female\n\nCountry: Philippines\n\nOther Diagnosis: OCD,  taking lexapro\n\nI was walking in my backyard at night with my dog when a sudden thought occurred to me that what if i got bitten by a snack. I didnt feel intense pain or anything, just mosquito bites and the ants that were biting my feet. I was also walking with a flashlight to check what i am walking on but still the thoughts persist.\n\nIve been checking my feet and scratching them to see any bite marks but all that i do is making wounds on my feet myself.\n\nHow do u check if u have a snake bite, and should i go to the er even when i dont feel anything weird (just my anxiety) or have no puncture wounds at all?\n\nThis is not an emergency.  I am just drowning with a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts,  and just need to know about snake bites.", "answer": "Snake bites hurt. You would not miss it. There\u2019s no point in checking any more than you would check to see if someone stabbed you while you were out walking in a city.\n\nTherapy can help with intrusive thoughts and anxiety like that as well, but hopefully this is one particular worry you can be reassured against.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i1tzoi", "comment_id": "fzzul1n"}, {"question": "How long does SSRI discontinuation syndrome last ?", "description": "So I've been off my medications for a few weeks now b/c I have no vehicle and no transportation so no way to get to a doctor for appointments etc to get medications.\n\nSeveral weeks later I am STILL getting the freaking brain zaps. Actual mood side effects, none that I can tell (other than being a bit easier for internet trolls to provoke), but it's getting somewhat nuts.\n\nAre these something I need to learn to live with, or do I have another several weeks of this before they subside?? Admittedly they're not as BAD now as they once were (what used to be a discombobulated near-seizure like jolt is now just an annoyance matched with a fraction of a second of blindness).. but it still seems like I've been off of the Zoloft for long enough that there shouldn't be any side effects.\n\nTo be clear, I didn't just go off cold turkey, either. I was at 200mg, then went down to 100mg, then 50mg, then 25mg.. then finally off. It was a gradual process. I had NO noticeable side effects until I got to the 50mg mark, but as I said, I was running out of my medications so I had no choice other than to keep going.\n\nUnfortunately, even [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRI_discontinuation_syndrome) hasn't been terribly helpful in telling me what to expect.\n\n... now the disclaimers.\n\nI know none of you are doctors. I am not seeking medical advice, merely personal anecdotes and stories.\n\nedit: Coincidentally, I threw my back out the day after posting this, and the muscle relaxers+pain killers got rid of the zaps completely. Even now that I'm not on the painkillers anymore (ran out, back still hurts, boo) and only take the muscle relaxers at bedtime (Flexeril REALLY puts you to sleep!), no moar brain zaps.\n\nSo, got my answer, but leaving the post up in case someone searches and has a similar problem. ^^", "answer": "\n\nWhat drug were you taking? You can find information about tapering off it [here](http://www.crazymeds.us/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/MedClass/SSRI?from=SSRIs.SSRIs)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wzj6j", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "[35/f] How do you ask out a doctor you only saw for a one-time issue?", "description": "I went to the ER a couple of weeks ago with a facial laceration and they called in a plastic surgeon to stitch it up. He was absolutely wonderful and I'm sure he's like that with most of his patients; I'm not an idiot.\n\nHad a re-check appointment and I just find him so charming. He's a few years older than me and as far as I can tell, he's not married. I have one more follow up in a couple weeks to check on the injury.\n\nI'm not planning on ever having any plastic surgery, and there's no reason that I would have to see him again as a patient. What would be the best way to go about asking him out sometime after my final re-check? He had sent me his cell number if I had questions in an email I sent when I had a question right after I saw him in the ER.\n\nI'm also totally fine with saying something about how I get that it's probably a complicated situation but I don't expect that it would need to remain doctor/patient relationship if I'm probably never going to see him again in a professional capacity.. ", "answer": "When you intend to never see him again as a patient, it is ok to ask him out.  Actually, it was always ok on your end; it just wouldn't be ok for him to ask you out without terminating the doc-patient relationship first.  In the psychotherapy universe, it is never ok...not even 50 yrs later!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ok3f1", "comment_id": "dkhyoi2"}, {"question": "Seeking Support: first mental health appt tomorrow; how to tell new doctor I believe I have BPD", "description": "I realize that this is not the place to speculate. However, I have done a lot of research and do believe I have BPD. I have been diagnosed with a gamut of things in the past such as \"adjustment disorder\" and an \"eating disorder\" but I haven't been to see someone in 4 years. I regularly fit many of the requirements for BPD in any given day. \n\nI'm horrified that this counselor won't take me seriously. I haven't slept well in two weeks since I got the appointment. I don't know how to bring up my concerns, and the specific incidences and make this person seriously consider what I truly believe to be my condition. \n\nAny tips for a first appointment? How to tell someone you think you have BPD, let them know you want them to just tell you if this is true so you can move forward?\n\nI'm equipped to deal with a diagnosis. I just want to know what is wrong with me so I can move on and I don't know how to communicate that in the first appointment... do I just come out and say it? What did all of you do?", "answer": "So? Did you make it? how did it go? did you talk about it? We don't have to know but I just wanted to let you know that I read this two weeks ago, saved it and wanted to check back in to see what you found. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4jtylb", "comment_id": "d3r9bp2"}, {"question": "Should somebody provide a therapy before finishing certification?", "description": "My previous \"therapist\" was actually a psychologist training to become a psychotherapist. She was terrible at her job. Is this normal for somebody to take a role of a therapist before finishing the certification? Sorry if my wording seems weird, English is not my first language.", "answer": "Psychologists, Social Workers, Counselors, etc are all required to provide a minimum number of clinical hours before they are licensed.  In my state, it is 3000 clinical hours before you can sit for the LCSW exam.  In order to learn how to help others, we all had to have the practice and experience to do it on our own completely.  So yeah, its normal. \n\nI will say though, that not everyone makes a good therapist, even when they try really hard.  Plenty of therapists are licensed and may not be the best fit with their knowledge and experience for you.  Always take care of yourself and find another therapist if the one you have doesn't work for you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo7vu7", "comment_id": "fea9q08"}, {"question": "Character defects: judgemental", "description": "There is so much judgement inside me. People, politics, meetings, churches, anything and everything. It's like I'm \"playing God\" but can't stop. I've prayed, chaired meetings on the topic, talked to my sponsor, worked with others, etc., but nothing is removing this judgemental attitude I have. It cuts me off from others, from God and is altogether isolating. Anyone else been through this growing pain? ", "answer": "I was actually just discussing this with someone at a meeting last night. They said their current sponsor suggested not focusing on the character defect, because that continues to feed it, but instead directing your energy towards the character asset you want to replace it with. So, directing your energy towards compassion, love, and tolerance. \n\nI've also found it helpful to recognize that while I am judging I am actually suffering myself in that moment, and recognizing that other beings suffer in similar ways; that probably in fact the very person I'm judging has experience with suffering and struggling in a similar way that I am, and that this might be why they act in a way that can feel abrasive, obnoxious, etc.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "5iby35", "comment_id": "db7j3n5"}, {"question": "Could there be an underlying cause for my symptoms?", "description": "Good afternoon fellow redditors!\nI'm hoping that someone could shed some light or give me advice regarding symptoms I've been experiencing and if there may be an underlying cause responsible for them or if they are multiple issues. I recently went to a new doctor and she ordered several tests that I am waiting for, but a few I've already received the results for. Would like to ask more educated questions and request specific tests based in what may be causing my problems. \n\n\n\nMain issue that's bogging me down: fatigue. I am tired regardless if I sleep or don't sleep, if I sleep well or sleep poorly, if I sit on my butt and do nothing or have a really active day. To make a tech analogy, I feel like a phone with a battery that doesn't fully charge and then depletes way too quickly. This has been happening for about 1.5 years and is getting noticeably worse. \n\n\n\nOther big issue: recurring infections. Since the summer of 2015, I keep getting sinus or sinus related infections. My most recent sinus infection happened in mid November, which then progressed into an ear infection in December.  I took 3 rounds of oral antibiotics and 1 ear drop medication and my ear didn't start feeling better until earlier this month (February). The ear infection is still not 100% gone, but it seems to finally be healing.  My ear is now itchy instead of painful and I only have minimal discharge compared to the constant, heavy discharge of fluid I had before. I went to an ENT specialist and he said my sinuses look great and he suggested I investigate the possibility of immune/autoimmune problems if my sinus and ear problems persist. \n\n\n\n\nI have no idea if this is relevant or indicative of anything, but I have noticed black lines on my fingernails recently. They are very thin, black or dark brown perhaps, and vertical. I also have a very large brown/black spot on my right big toe that looks like I hit myself with a hammer or something, but I don't recall hitting my toe on anything. It is different from the lines on my fingernails as it is much, much larger and not in thin, vertical stripes. Can this be a sign of anything? Most Google results for nail related problems link to beauty blogs... \n\n\n\n\nOther things that might be worth mentioning:\nI just had multiple thyroid tests done and while my TSH and T4 were normal, I had an abnormal results for thyroid antibodies. The results showed a normal range of 0-9 but my results was just below 1,600. I have a long family history of hypo and hyper thyroidism in my family. \n\n\n\n\nMy white blood cell count is always slightly low. As part of my annual physical, I have gotten a basic blood tests.  The normal range on the report is listed as 3.8 to 10.8 and in 2015 I was at 3.7, in 2016 I was at 3.6 and this year I wound up right at 3.8. \n\n\n\n\nI have normal iron levels, normal iron bindiding capacity but low ferritin levels per my latest blood test. \n\n\n\nI have a family history of thyroid problems, and heart disease and my father has diabetes as well as psoriatic arthritis  although he is the only person in my extended and immediate  family that has or has ever had diabetes and psoriatic arthritis while the thyroid and heart issues are wide spread in my extended family. \nI personally have no history of any medical problems other than eczema when I was a child. Unfortunately I do not recall the specific type but I remember that it was a fairly uncommon type of eczema most common in prepubescent kids. \n\n\nThank you for the input! \n", "answer": "Some demographics (age/sex/location/etc)?\n\nAlso - how is your day typically structured? Do you work?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vehpt", "comment_id": "de1hcpf"}, {"question": "Misinterpreting surroundings - what is this?", "description": "Dx: bipolar 1 (possible schizoaffective, bipolar type according to some docs).\n\nAge: 26\n\nHeight/weight: 5'5\", 103\n\nMy doctors are well aware that I experience hallucinations, particularly auditory ones. However, I can't tell if what I've been experiencing lately is a hallucination, delusion, anxiety, or what.\n\nI tend to misinterpret my surroundings and I have to use a lot of grounding skills to tell myself, \"no, wait. That's wrong.\" For example, I might look in one direction and see a shiny red F-150 pickup truck, only to do a double take and realize it's just a tiny black trashcan, even though both of those things are different colors and even though trashcans and pickup trucks look nothing alike. \"I could've sworn that was in the shape of a huge pickup truck. I saw all the details of the truck, including the black scrape on the side and the bird shit.\" I may also hear wind blowing and then it sounds like bells are being played simultaneously or someone is screaming simultaneously. Then I say, \"wait. That can't be true, can it? Or is it?\"\n\nI also had this thing where people at work were talking and I could hear my name being spoken. For example, if my name is Robert, all i heard was \"Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert.\" No other words. Just my name being said repeatedly. Then I said to myself, \"no, that can't be true. Why would they be saying my name repeatedly? That's not even a conversation. That makes no sense...\"\n", "answer": "Hallucinations are possible with either bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder; having them in the absence of mania or depression would point more towards the latter. Hallucinations can be upsetting or just odd. Although they're seen as *the* symptom of psychosis, often they're actually often not very impairing unless they're particularly distressing.\n\nThe term \"illusion\" is used specifically for mis-perceiving rather than perception with nothing there at all, but it's mostly associate with altered level of consciousness or lack of clarity and rarely like what you describe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8da5hl", "comment_id": "dxlqv6z"}, {"question": "Why lie? Apparently, because it's easier.", "description": "Has anyone else developed a sort of \"lie reaction\" due to ADHD? I feel like I lie about crap all the time - \n\n\"Did you do x?\" \n\n\"Yup, I did, that's done.\" \n\nNo, it's not, but I totally forgot and will go do it immediately so you don't find out about it. It's created issues with my work, partner, and finances. I feel like an ass for doing it but I don't even think about it first. I thought it was a teenage thing but I never outgrew it.\n\nBut then again, I might just be a jerk.", "answer": "I lie for absolutely no reason. I'll tell a story and just make shit up. I do not know why.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bpek4x", "comment_id": "enw5gwv"}, {"question": "Found a video my gf took of herself masturbating on her phone, how concerned should I be?", "description": "Throwaway account because my gf has Reddit.\n\nI want to start out by saying that I understand it is extremely unethical to snoop through a significant others phone however I have severe trust issues and doing so has saved me from getting into a marriage that would have ended up destroying me. I realize I have issues I need to work on but I don't need to be reminded in this post.\n\nQuick backstory, we are 27-28 years old living together in an apt. We frequently talk about marriage and have been together for almost 3 years. \n\nWhat I found is a 1:30 long video on her phone of her getting off using her vibrator. This video isn't for me and she obviously doesn't need it for herself so who is it for? Why keep a video like that on your own phone? \nHow concerned should I honestly be about this and should I even bother asking her about it?", "answer": "Now that you've snooped, just fucking talk to her about it. There's no unshitting the bed now that you've secretly sharted. \n\nAlso \"I only snoop when I'm scared\" is next level nonsense. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6en6i8", "comment_id": "dibirkg"}, {"question": "Reputable online listing of current ADHD medications for adults?", "description": "31F, rest of info is not relevant to my question. Asking here in case my post gets removed from the pharmacy subreddit. \n\nI am restarting ADHD meds after several years and I would like to see a publicly accessible list of ADHD medications available in the US. I need to research what's currently covered by my lovely (/s) insurance company before my next appointment with the NP so I know what options I have to choose from because what I'm on now sadly isn't working. \n\nDoes the FDA have this option? I tried googling a bit and WebMD (*shudders*) came up, along with Medscape, but I was asked to sign in with an account. Is Medscape a good resource? Are there other resources you can recommend?\n\nMany thanks, and have a great day! \n\n", "answer": "The problem is not what is approved for ADHD but what is in your particular insurance's formulary\u2014which medications they specifically have decided they will pay for without a doctor picking a fight with them. For that you probably want the insurance website, but even as a doctor I usually find it unhelpful, incomplete, and out of date. Good luck.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zotkh", "comment_id": "e2kcqii"}, {"question": "Waiting for him to contact me first in order to give space?", "description": "I'm gonna try to make this quick, me (f25) and my ex (m28) are dating but are not official we were together 6 years, broken up for about 4 months. Because we aren't official, I can't get mad when he doesn't call, ect. However, last week, I asked him to call me on a certain day to set up plans for the weekend, and he didn't, so I did get upset. He got all upset because he's set up this rule that we can't see each other more than once a week because he's afraid of being official just yet and doesn't want to rush things. Fine, I'll respect that. I last saw him Sunday, called him Monday because I was feeling anxious about something and just needed to ask him for clarification. He was a little annoyed at it, at first but told me he saw where I was coming from. Have not heard from him since. On Friday we had a little argument, and he still texted me later that night to say hi...so I would have thought I would hear from him by now, as he's been texting me pretty much everyday. I'm wondering if he'll contact me tonight, as it's been a few days. \n\nI want to contact him because I have a lot of good/cool things I want to share with him, but because I want to give him his space and make him worry about me if I haven't contacted him first (I'm usually the first to contact) I'm hesitant. But, I'm just worried if I DON'T text him he'll just think I'm losing interest, but, the other day I made it pretty clear that I was all on board for getting back together officially when he was ready. I've read other posts where guys have said that if you want to contact him, just do it because if you don't, it shows disinterest, however, this situation is a little bit different. Am I doing the right thing by just waiting for him to contact me first so that I've given him some space? \n\n**TL;DR** Dating ex bf, but we are not official, I usually contact him first, but now I want him to contact me first so I can give him space. Wondering if I should go for it or if I am doing the right thing since I don't want him to think I'm disinterested. ", "answer": "In the short term, I would respect his space and not completely bombard him.  It's difficult because you have all this history but essentially you are that beginning of the relationship period of not wanting to come off as too clingy or needy while not letting things fizzle.  You have stated your intentions though, so he knows.\n\nI would also consider if this is worth going through all that nervousness and unsureness again to try this relationship out again.  To me personally, what you've described of his behavior sends off red flags for me, but I don't know you or him personally and your relationship together so I can only speak of my opinion.  I would suggest for you to consider if this is worth going through or if you are going back to him because of the familiarity of the relationship\n\nIn the long term, I would honestly suggest if you both are invested in your relationship working to go to couples counseling.  There is going to be A LOT of baggage from being together six years, breaking up, and getting back together.  For you both to get off on a good foot this time around and not let that baggage get in the way, I think would be highly beneficial to work through any of the issues that led to the break up and help to establish your relationship together now in a healthier mind frame.\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1diu2k", "comment_id": "c9qr2q1"}, {"question": "me and my bf, 30's. stupid fight, no agreement, feeling resentful.", "description": "we fought because reasons.  I think he was being insensitive he thinks I was being unreasonable.  whatever.  \n\nwe fight about it, no real conclusions are made.  we both share how we feel and why we feel that way and what was going through our heads when we said what we said.  \n\nbut there is no resolution.  he still doesn't think what he did was rude and I still think he was really thoughtless and blew me off.  like its not a big enough deal to keep fighting about it or anything but it's just on my mind.  how do I resolve this?  with him or myself?\n\nTL,DR: had a fight, no clear right/wrong, no real apologies.  how to move on without feeling resentful?", "answer": "Ah... this is the crux of a long term meaningful relationship. This is what separates maturity from immaturity.   Sometimes, there IS NO clear resolution. You simply feel differently about something, the way people feel differently about god or abortion. The answer: you have to look at the totality of the relationship. We're all a package deal, and the couples who can let go of stuff because the bulk of the package is so wonderful, are the couples that live happily ever after.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9wev", "comment_id": "dkfqr9e"}, {"question": "Unreciprocated \"I love you\"", "description": "My boyfriend [M, 25] and I [F,23] have been dating for 9 months, with 4 months being long distance across the Atlantic. Our relationship will be trans Atlantic for 1.5 more years, with the occasional visit. Before I left and after dating for 3 months I told my boyfriend that I love him. I was expecting him to say it back but he did not. He acknowledged it and appreciated me telling him but said he didn't want to say it until he was ready. Flash forward 4 months of long distance and we're finally together on a month long Europe trip. Again, I expected him to say it here with the romantic settings in Italy but he did not. I told him at the end of the trip that I love him, but he said he still wasn't ready to say it back. I tried not to let this affect me/our relationship but doing long distance is hard when you're unsure if your boyfriend feels the same way. He acts like he loves me and long distance is so easy with him, which is why I'm confused. What should I do? Should I be worried over this? \n- confused girlfriend ", "answer": "If he can't say it after 9 months I'm afraid he never will. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6k4caq", "comment_id": "djj7tof"}, {"question": "Should I just accept the fact that I have no real friends and probably never will?", "description": "Is there any point in letting this get me down?\n\nI have no real friends IRL. The only \"friends\" I have aren't even really my friend's their my fiance's friends, and he's closer to them then I will ever be so it doesn't even count. I used to have friends, but they have all screwed me over in some form (I'm sort of a pushover). I had a best friend for almost 10 years but she stole my grocery and phone bill money so I had to stop being friends with her. I also have social anxiety disorder so trying to make new friend's is the equivalent to walking on hot coals for me. I come off as bitchy or weird to people because I'm too nervous to start conversations with people and just wait for them to talk to me, which rarely happens because of said reason. My social anxiety isn't something that I can just shake off either which people seem to not understand when I tell them it's difficult to make friends. I'm in college now and I'm stoked to be there learning about something I love. But from a social standpoint I'm uncomfortable in my own skin while I'm there. Being around people my own age makes it even worse. During lunch break I just wonder around all by myself awkwardly hoping people don't notice me and think I'm a total freak or something. \n\nI've been really letting it get me down the past few months, and I'm tired of feeling sad over it. When something goes wrong in my life I can talk to my fiance about it, but sometimes I just wish I had another women to talk to stuff about because somethings only women can relate to. Or if me and my fiance get into a bad argument, I have nobody to talk to about it and I just end up going insane and taking it out on him even more.\n\nI don't know anymore. Should I just face the facts that I'm meant to be friendless and try to live a happy life regardless or should I just get my hopes up that somebody will befriend me only to be let down over and over again?", "answer": "The discomfort you feel may be caused by by a physiological reaction to perceived threat.  There was a project in Russia to discover the physiological differences between wild animals and domesticated animals that took place over 50 years.  Wild arctic foxes were bred to select for lack of fear of humans by choosing the least fearful of each litter as determined by the pups response to the entrance of a human into the pen where they were kept.  At the end of 50 years of breeding a completely tame fox that was as curious and friendly as a golden retriever was developed.   The difference between the tame fox and the wild fox was the secretion of the hormone oxytocin.  I suggest to you that you are a little wilder than most other people and that you can tame yourself the same way that wild horses are tamed.  The technique is called progressive desensitization.  This will take some time.  In the short term, you can practice conscious breathing, and dramatically slow down your breath while in the presence of others while simultaneously making mental notes of the details of the other peoples appearance and mannerisms.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2fp7qa", "comment_id": "ckblgqs"}, {"question": "Besides getting clean and staying clean from drugs, what is 'recovery'? And could you recommend any books on it that aren't only focused on substance abuse?", "description": "I've often run across the word, and it seems to encompass a whole swath of lifestyle changes and attitude adjustments that accompany people who are dedicating themselves to sobriety. \n\nMy best friend is in rehab right now, and for another few weeks. I'm so totally proud and supportive of her in this. She's inspired me in a lot of ways in my life, and her getting clean and out of the hole she's been falling into has also inspired me.\n\nI'm not an addict. I do use various things, and abuse various things at times, but not on a regular basis. Even without addiction, there's a lot in my life that needs fixing. A lot that needs help and attention and if i'm not using the word incorrectly, recovery.\n\nSo I'm now clean and I'm devoting myself to my own sobriety, and to healing my life. At the same time I'd like to support her as she works to heal her life.\n\nSo I guess basically what do you consider to be 'recovery' and are there any books or online resources that have been useful or enlightening to you with recovering from a damaged life, that aren't focused entirely on addiction and treatment?\n\nOr maybe i'm totally confused about the use of the word 'recovery'.", "answer": "There's some good discussion of the nature of recovery in here already, so I'll just add that The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has been helpful in maintaining my recovery.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5kkxs5", "comment_id": "dbp88iw"}, {"question": "Is it normal to want to hook up with girls but not go on dates? 23/m", "description": "I'm not sure the title of my request for advice accurately represents the situation that I find myself in. \nI am 23/m and I know I'm not a bad looking chap. In fact, I've been quite successful with girls. I've never had a date that hasn't concluded happily ;) I love hooking up with girls at parties or at the bars, but when it comes to going out with someone on an actual date, I always find myself being nervous about it, no matter how attracted I am to my future date. I usually cancel, and that too with a carefully crafted story that I make up. Basically, I lie. But when I do go on dates I make sure everything goes perfectly and I feel that's why all of my dates have been great. It's just getting across the first hurdle. \nAlso, despite the fact that I am actively looking for someone to be in a proper relationship with, I rarely ever go on second dates.\n Is this something normal? How should I deal with it? Should I just accept that I will die alone?\n\nThank you for your help.", "answer": "hook-ups are simple and straightforward. relationships are complex and take time. sounds like you're a little nervous about the dating process. if you can identify more specifically what kind of nervousness is preventing you from getting past the first 'hurdle', i think i can help.  feel free to private message if need be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvywm", "comment_id": "ddx9rqc"}, {"question": "My PCP told me that there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis", "description": "* Age 21\n* Sex M\n* Height 6'3\n* Weight 167\n* Race White\n* Duration of complaint 2 weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body) Liver and stomach\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) Elevated ALT levels in blood and pain inside the v shape of my chest bone\n* Current medications (if any) ClonazePAM, Seroquil\n\nI asked my doctor if the blood test would detect Alcoholic Hepatitis and she said \"well there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis\" then I clarified by saying \"inflamed liver caused by alcohol consumption\" then she said \"yes\" but multiple websites online mention alcoholic hepatitis. So is she wrong or not?", "answer": "Hepatitis is medical-speak for \"inflamed liver\" so yes, this seems like a strange kind of nit-picking. Strange enough that I would argue it deviates from standards; after all, we have medical jargon so that we can be clear with each other, and doctors all know, or should know, what \"alcoholic hepatitis\" means.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9qgo2h", "comment_id": "e8939cs"}, {"question": "Losing my virginity and I\u2019m a bit nervous", "description": "There\u2019s this guy that I\u2019ve been talking to and that I really like, he recently asked me if I would have sex with him and I said yes because I want to also. However I am a virgin and 18 and am really scared about becoming pregnant, I\u2019ve already got condoms but I can\u2019t afford birth control or plan b. Am I just over thinking things and everything will be fine? Or are there other precautions to take to make sure I don\u2019t get pregnant? Help me out reddit", "answer": "You should be good as long as you have that protection. If you are extra nervous about it, you can buy pregnancy tests to use after to double check.\n\nIt's good that you both talked about it first, don't feel like its weird that he asked - in fact its a very good thing and shows that he respects you enough to make sure you're ready. If at any point, you feel uncomfortable - be sure to let him know. It'll be a little weird and awkward but it can only get better as long as you're both respectful of each other and communicate what you want (and what you don't want) to do.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "cw6p5h", "comment_id": "ey8qovl"}, {"question": "Sertraline to Treat PE", "description": "32/M.  5'10\" 190 lbs.\n\nMarked NSFW just in case.\n\nI have been suffering from PE for the last few years of my marriage.  I have been with my wife for 10+ years and I do not remember when exactly the issue started but it is a problem every time we are intimate.  I have tried several different behavioral methods to combat the issue but to no avail.  My wife says it is not a problem but it affects me greatly because I feel that we are not getting the full satisfaction out of intercourse.\n\nI recently started seeing sponsored ads for Roman on my social media and saw that they offer solutions for premature ejaculation.  I was intrigued and the price for medication seemed fair.  I went ahead and took their 25+ question questionaire and I was recommended 25mg of Sertraline.  \n\nI looked into the medication and saw that it is the generic of Zoloft.  I did not sign up for the service yet and simply saved my info for later if I would like to move forward.\n\nWhat risks would I be running by taking this medication?  I do not suffer from depression and it worried me that this is an anti-depressant.  On the flip side, the PE is negatively affecting my life and the physical connection I have with my spouse.", "answer": "Antidepressants won't have much effect on your mood if you're not depressed. Sertraline has a pretty benign side effect profile. There's sometimes weight gain, but not more than placebo. There can be GI side effects (nausea, diarrhea) or headache, but again, they tend to be mild and go away. The most common side effects of sertraline are sexual, which of course is the whole point in your case.\n\nBut \"might be\" is still not definite. Delayed orgasm is common and would be helpful. Loss of libido can also happen and is less helpful. Still, those effects end when you stop taking the medication. It's worth talking with a doctor about it. The use is definitely off-label, but it's low risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9xhhph", "comment_id": "e9seuqm"}, {"question": "Is Graves Disease an STD? Or Contagious in any other way?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n30/m. 177lb, 5'9\". No other medical issues going on at the moment. \n\nI recently had unprotected sex -intercourse and receiving oral - with a woman who has Graves disease. I am concerned by the possibility that Graves disease could be an STD, or is contagious in some other way? Can someone help me out?\n\n\\*sry in advance if this seems like an ignorant question. I have already done my own research, and while I haven't read anything saying Graves disease is an STD, I haven't read anything specifically saying Graves Disease is NOT an STD, or anything specifically saying Graves is NOT contagious. So I'm looking for someone who can specifically answer my question.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "It's an autoimmune disease. It's not contagious in any way, and in particular not sexually transmitted.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cizay8", "comment_id": "evaarim"}, {"question": "My daughter (4 months) has some kind of vaginal discharge?", "description": "4 months old baby girl, as of last week 24.5\u201d tall and 11 lbs 12 oz. Mixed white and Asian (Indian). I just noticed this today while changing her diaper. She peed while I was changing her, and then after I cleaned her up, a small amount of whitish liquid came out. It almost looked like normal vaginal discharge for a grown woman but she is an infant and never had any before that I noticed. She does have a small vaginal skin tag if that\u2019s relevant. I\u2019m worried maybe she has a yeast infection or something similar? I tried calling my insurance\u2019s advice line but they don\u2019t have her on their records yet so I will have to try to get that fixed tomorrow.\n\nShe is breastfed and doesn\u2019t have any medications other than vitamin D drops. She did recently get her 4 month vaccines. I have a picture but due to the nature of the complaint would rather not post it publicly. I can PM if you are a verified doctor. I just want to know what this might be and if it\u2019s urgent enough to take her to urgent care or if it can wait till tomorrow. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "Please don\u2019t post a picture! Even though it\u2019s for medical use, this is not a protected medical context and that would run afoul of child pornography laws. Such photos should only be sent to her doctor(s) through official and secure channels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jyy56x", "comment_id": "gd8wagl"}, {"question": "How to and where to get testing.", "description": "I'm kindof stressed out right now and not really sure what to say in this. If I calm down later or tomorrow I'll try to come edit this to a better explanation but thank you in advance to anyone who responds. \n\nOver the past 3 months, I've been recommended that I get tested for ADHD or a similar attention disorder from 2 separate people who have it, both drawing on experiences they've seen me have and guessing at past experiences I've had that were right on the money that tie into symptoms if ADHD. Ive had thoughts in the past about this but have just brushed them aside thinking this is how everyone gets, but the more I talk with people who and do my own research I feel that I may actually have this. \n\nBut I don't want to self-diagnose or throw myself into a self-induced panic spree again, so I'm looking for options for testing and diagnosis from some sort of professional, just so I can have concrete answers and my feelings and concerns confirmed or assuaded. I've been putting this off for so long but this is the only way I can think of rn to start the process of looking and holding myself accountable. \n\nThank you", "answer": "Where do you live? It's different in different countries where you can go.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bzlboo", "comment_id": "equhexq"}, {"question": "First Relationship", "description": "So I'm in grade 12 and I finally asked who I liked out, and for prom. It's the second day we are dating and we kept it on the low down (test the waters first) and I am wondering if texting her everyday i.e. After school about meeting up or something is too much? \n\nAlso any advice in general is welcome this is my first relationship \n\nEdit: had to do it on a throwaway cuz my friends know my main account, also is it too soon to start saying good morning and good night cuz I already did that e.e?", "answer": " that's fine. by asking, you can find out where she's at...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67pqgs", "comment_id": "dgs8bhx"}, {"question": "I don't need to be giving my therapist some kind of....Christmas gift type thing, do I?", "description": "Not sure what the protocol is. I've only been seeing her for about a month and a half (4 sessions).", "answer": "Therapist here: No, we don't expect presents for Christmas or other holidays.\n\nPersonally, I will accept Christmas cards, and do accept very small presents when a client finishes therapy. However, my organization prohibits me from receiving presents with any real value (say, more than $5). \n\nIf you feel compelled to get your therapist something, your safest bet is probably a Christmas card.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1t4mgw", "comment_id": "ce4u957"}, {"question": "a question about Zika", "description": "I went with my dad to Jamaica at the beginning of April before I had heard of any confirmed cases of Zika there. Now there have been several confirmed cases there. I again didn't hear about this until I did some research after I got my wife pregnant in July. I do not want to cause her to panic if there is no need. We are going to the OB/GYN next week. What advice would you give for this situation?", "answer": "Just mention it to the doc. I'd be surprised if you were even exposed to the virus, and id be surprised if it changes the care your family need. But hopefully you'll all be reassured.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xfpj8", "comment_id": "d6f3ne1"}, {"question": "Horrible HIV anxiety. Need a little calming down.", "description": "I'm an OCD sufferer with a horrible amount of anxiety around my fear of contracting HIV. I've had the fear for a couple of years now. It comes and goes based on situations I feel I'm at risk. I was at a party last night and I did a hit from a joint and afterwards I realized my friend who passed me it had a little dried blood on her fingers from a cut. I immediately began having that stomach turning feeling and thought, oh god what if she has it and I got it? She did a hit before me and I was second in the circle.\n\nLater that night my panic attack set in and I told her my fear and told me she's clean etc and calmed me down. She is a good friend of mine and she definitely isn't someone who sleeps around or anything.\n\nI just wanted to ask for a little help and reassurance (I hope) and maybe some info on how likely it would be that transmission would happen etc. if I start googling I'll send myself into another panic attack. Help me reddit. :( I feel pretty alone in this.", "answer": "Thankfully- HIV is pretty hard to transmit. Even if your friend had been HIV infected- that casual contact you had wouldn't put you at risk. Basically- she would have to be positive with an open cut, and touch you in an area where you have a fresh cut- and even then it isnt likely to transmit.\n\nInstead of googling diseases, maybe you should google a good local therapist?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "s9ief", "comment_id": "c4g0vji"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t fall asleep even when tired, because my body wont stop moving around.", "description": "16F, 160lbs, 5\u20193. Autistic. \n\nI\u2019ve had sleeping problems pretty much all my life but never quite like this. \n\nI go to bed at 10pm like I usually do. I can\u2019t get any sleep despite trying the whole night. I get up at 6am because I don\u2019t feel tired at all and feel like itd just be a waste trying to fall asleep anymore. This is a pretty common occurence. \n\nAt around 11am I start to feel really tired. I try to take a quick nap but I just won\u2019t stop moving, and I can\u2019t control it. I roll over multiple times, twist my legs into different positions, so on so forth. This prevents me from falling asleep even when I am extremely tired. Sometimes this happens during nights too, and I can\u2019t catch any sleep. I am also way too tired to actually do anything but I cannot fall asleep.\n\nWhat should I do?\n\nEDIT: I do not drink coffee or any kinds of energy drinks.", "answer": "It sounds maybe like two problems here. One is sleep and sleep hygiene with day-night reversal. You can\u2019t force yourself to fall asleep when not tired, but then you\u2019re tired in the daytime. CBT for insomnia (CBT-I) has some tricks that can help with that. One is, counterintuitively, trying very hard not to nap during the day so you will be tired enough to sleep at night.\n\nThe other problem is the movements. A sleep specialist can be helpful, but a good first step might be having your primary care doctor (pediatrician?) check iron levels. Anemia is one of the common causes of restless leg syndrome, and that\u2019s treatable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzaqf2", "comment_id": "fzjh239"}, {"question": "How did you go about choosing your career?", "description": "Currently a construction estimator, cant stand it mostly. But I literally have zero clue what I could keep my attention on everyday. Everything I think of I feel like couldn't hold my attention long enough. I feel like I dont belong in the workforce. What careers fit someone who has (yes like most adhd people) the ability to only focus for short bursts, as opposed to all day? Every career option makes me painfully nervous about being successful at it or it keeping my attention the whole day. I also have anxiety interacting with customers (Not so much employees) as a part of the job?\n\nI was good at being a UPS truck loader way back when as it was just \"React\" to box coming in and make a wall out it. But I don't want to do a warehouse job.\n\n**Other careers I've attempted and did NOT enjoy, and sucked at:**\n\nElectrical Apprentice\n\nElectrical Estimator\n\n\n**I have no degree, but did 3 semesters of Electrical Technology degree (Don't care about using it for a career in anything Electrical anymore), didn't finish as I got accepted into the union early at the time**", "answer": "For myself, I have always wanted to work with helping people but was not sure how to go about doing that. What helped me was taking a career exploration course since i found it interesting. They did some assessments to gauge what careers match with your skills and interests. I actually found it was more fun to help the other students find out their passion! \"AHA MOMENT\"\nI now currently work in education but am also completing my Masters to go into Marriage and Family Therapy...want to eventually work with adults who have ADHD like myself! \n\nThe good thing you have going is that you already have some ideas of what you DON'T want which can help weed out careers", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60wi7g", "comment_id": "dfa16ua"}, {"question": "Can a brain aneurysm birth defect be caused by a drug addicted mother during pregnancy?", "description": "My 25 year old brother suffered from a ruptured brain aneurysm and stroke last night. His father said it was a birth defect and it got me to thinking that it was my birth mothers drug use during pregnancy that caused it. I tried to research it but I didn't find anything. Is her drug and alcohol use the cause of this?", "answer": "It's a risk factor, but you can't be sure if it were the cause in individual cases.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5713pd", "comment_id": "d8p9qnb"}, {"question": "Friend needs a therapist, and I want to know what this specialty is called", "description": "Hi guys!\n\nI have a friend who recently left a very toxic family and religiously traumatic situation. She was homeschooled and disallowed from many public interactions until she escaped at age 23. Her family was extremely poor and had a large amount of children, who she was forced to take care of as the oldest child. Many of these children had mental issues and learning disabilities.\n\nShe was also abused by her parents, particularly when she did something which was religiously disallowed. Her mother was emotionally abused by her father and her siblings were beaten for their mental disabilities (undiagnosed).\n\nShe was devoutly religious until about a month before she fled. She found solace only in playing video games online and learned how to socialize and about the \"real world\" from popular media. She says that because of this, her interactions with people are limited and she feels emotionally immature in her mid-20s. She is currently in a better situation and pursuing a degree in nursing with a significant other she had met online. \n\nAs she was sheltered from a normal life, normal people, and was not allowed to interact with those outside of her faith. She was forced to stay devoutly religious every day for her whole life. She feels lost and confused.\n\nShe has tried several therapists, but felt that they didn't quite understand her as well as she would like, but did praise them when they offered her decent life advice. That got me thinking - is there a specific type of therapy for helping people learn emotional depth and help with human interactions who came from sheltered communities or situations? Is there a specific specialty she should look for when seeking a therapist?\n\nAppreciate any and all advice.", "answer": "Someone trauma informed and trained, with knowledge of complex trauma", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ftbnbl", "comment_id": "fm63w6d"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [mid20sM] and I [mid20sF] having sex/libido issues. [Nsfw]", "description": "We've been together for 2 years and I love him a lot. We are great together and both definitely see a future together. \nI've been in past long relationships and understand sexual lust slowly eases away once you're comfortable and you have to work to keep it going. \nMy bf hasn't been in a long term before and is having trouble understanding why my animalistic urges towards him are fading. We still have sex (more chill) but it not being SUPER HOT and all the time is hurting his feelings because he still has the fire for sex with me while I have a kitchen burner but not a campfire for sex. \n\nI think it's normal in a long term relationship but he doesn't believe me and wants to work on getting the super hot, super frequent shit back but honestly, I can't be bothered and I don't think it can come back. \n\nI don't want to break up and he said he wants to stay together even if we had less sex, but if it's possible to bring it back- he wants to. I don't want to hurt his feelings or ego. He is handsome and sexy to me but he's hurt that I'm \"less attracted\" to him sexually. \n\nHow to I find a happy place in between our wants and libidos? I don't want to always feel guilty like I'm not giving him enough because I know we're well within normal ranges, just not courting levels. :/ \n\n", "answer": "every couple, old or young,  has to find common ground. no right answer.  if no pressure is best for a sex life, it means the person who wants it less should prevail.  of course, there a zillion mitigating factors;  health problems, drugs, excessive masturbation..you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5r29pg", "comment_id": "dd3y1hb"}, {"question": "Do I need a referral from a primary care doctor to see a specialist for lower back issues?", "description": "30M, 5'11, 168lbs, Caucasian, no meds or prior major health concerns. Dealing with chronic lower back pain.\n\nI don't have a primary care doctor. I never really get sick other than the occasional head cold. I did try to establish one two years ago. I went to him for 1 physical, and then he moved away. I want to see a spine specialist, but do I have to get referred by a primary care doctor? Since I don't have one I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions?\n\nBackground:\nI have had consistent lower back pain for as long as I can remember. I have a vivid memory of being like 8 and waking up one morning and telling my parents by lower back was sore. I can't remember when it began exactly, but I know it started when I was young and has just gotten progressively worse over time. I have had it so long that I have no idea what not having lower back pain feels like, but it is getting to a point where it is really starting to limit what I can do. It hurts most before bed and first thing in the morning, but it bothers me all day as well.\n\nThe best way that I can describe the pain is that it feels like my two lowest vertebrae right at the base of my lumbar have no disc between them. It feels like it's bone on bone. No matter what position I lay in, it hurts. When I bend over forward it's a very strong pain. My muscles are tight, but it feels like something more. If I lay in bed on my side and tense up my hips and rotate my waist a little bit I can feel those vertebrae shift as though there is very little support, like they are loosely just sitting in there. It constantly aches.\n\nThe weird thing is that I am very active. I run a lot, I lift 3-5 days a week. I run 11 mile tough mudders with my wife. Those things don't bother my back as much as just standing in one spot, walking long distances, sitting down, or leaning over and picking up any weight over 20 lbs where my back is engaged more than my legs. I have learned how to adapt my body to do lifts and wear a back brace on days where do I light weight squats or shoulder exercises\n\nMy dad, his two brothers, and his mom have all had surgery to help with spinal stenosis. It runs in my family and my sister says she has lower back problems too. Their symptoms seem different than mine though. I don't have numbness in my legs or butt. I just have an ache that I can pin point to my spine and the surrounding muscles remain sore at all times.\n\nThank you in advance for any feedback you can provide.", "answer": "Whether you need a referral for specialists depends on your insurance policy. It's not something we can answer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "akw7xb", "comment_id": "ef8h5m7"}, {"question": "I'm underemployed and nobody listens", "description": "I'm 24. 20-fucking-4, and I've never had a proper job. I've only ever worked part-time in a kitchen.  \n  \nI love my parents and really do appreciate them supporting me since university, but I've become so, so depressed, that I can't bring myself to look for a real job anymore.  \n  \nBut nobody listens.  \n  \nI say \"I'm depressed\", and I'm told \"You just need a job\".  \nI say \"I feel like I can't do anything\", and I'm told \"You just need to try harder\".  \nI say \"I fucking hate you and I hate myself and I hate everything\", and I'm told \"You should appreciate us more\".  \n  \nI just want someone to say \"Let's talk about your depression, because it's obviously the root cause of your apathy\".  \n  \nBut nobody cares. I'm a selfish, lazy, and even manipulative child in everyone's eyes. I don't want to be unemployed, and I don't want to live with my parents, but I just have no emotional energy left for anything anymore.  \n  \nI'm always helping my mum through her emotional breakdowns, but I get nothing in return.  \n  \nI've started to contemplate suicide - not to actually die, but just so that people can see that I'm not lying; I really don't want to live like this - but is that in itself manipulative? Is everyone right? Am I just a lazy child?", "answer": "Have you tried opening up to anyone else besides your parents? Have you tried mental health services, like a therapist or psychiatrist? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "62l7qx", "comment_id": "dfnlc47"}, {"question": "How do I convince myself that I'm worth some self-care?", "description": "I've been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks to help me through a pretty bad depressive episode. We've started to talk about the practice of self-care but what I haven't been able to vocalize properly is: I don't feel that I'm worth treating myself properly. If that makes any sense... Does anyone have ways of tricking the brain into thinking yes, you do deserve to do nice things for yourself and to take care of yourself? ", "answer": "I struggle with this too. One thing that helps me is that I work in a helping profession. So while there are some days that I don't feel worth it, I remind myself that I must take care of myself in order to help others properly. I sort of trick myself into self-care. And then the reward I get from helping others can decrease my depression too. I also try to counter every negative thought I have about myself with three positive thoughts. It helps because I am very self-critical. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8lf6x5", "comment_id": "dzf7vne"}, {"question": "Need someone to talk to.", "description": "So I've been struggling to get a girlfriend for 4 years now.\n\nHad a girlfriend that's now a model, dated for 2 years and we broke separate ways. Ever since then, I have had legit 0 luck finding a girlfriend \n\nEither the girl has a boyfriend 60% of the time, 20% they leave me on seen, 20% they have a baby/pregnant and ???? What the fuck?\n\nI'm love deprived, can't focus on life, worried I'll be single for a looooong time. And ive been looking since the breakup. No results. Not even come close to one. Closest I can get to with a girl is a friend, not even a good friend.\n\nNow about me I'm actually attractive, been told I'm super sweet numerous times, and I do try my best to be kind and caring.\n\nBut I'm LITERALLY AT THE BOUNDARY OF PAYING FOR A RELATIONSHIP???????\n", "answer": "you never know who will cross your path in life. keep at it. maximize opportunities to talk to new girls. dating sites, recreational activities, anything..... the more you talk to the better your chance.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6agtfu", "comment_id": "dhehisi"}, {"question": "Mental Health and diet", "description": "[**HERE**](http://meatheals.com/category/mood-mental-health/) are 51 testimonials from people whose mental/emotional health was benefited by a carnivorous diet.  (It is multi-paged.)\n\n[**HERE**](https://zerocarbzen.com/tag/depression/) are four interviews with people whose depression cleared up thanks to carnivory.\n\n[**HERE**](https://zerocarbzen.com/tag/anxiety/) are five interviews with people whose anxiety cleared up thanks to carnivory.\n\n(There is a natural overlap between the previous two sites since anxiety and depression got together like two demons in a whirlwind.)     \n\nDr. Jordan Peterson described his depression as how one would feel the morning after if their entire family had been killed.  Carnivory healed him completely.\n\nSearch for \"ketogenic depression\" and \"ketogenic anxiety\" and \"ketogenic mental health\" and you will find the same sort of testimonials, interviews, blogs and even science.  Carnivory is so new and has so few adherents that science has not yet gotten around to studying it.\n\nWhen the blood sugar is steady, when one is eating a proper diet, one's mental health is bound to improve.  Will it become perfect?  Who knows.  But I would rather work at improving my mental health than sitting around arguing about what works best or how much it works.  Plus there is the side benefit of improving one's physical health.  The divide between mental health and physical health is bogus.", "answer": "Well the book The Mind-Gut Connection by Emeran Mayer, MD talks about how to keep the brain-gut communication clear and balanced to:\n\n\u2022 heal the gut by focusing on a plant-based diet\n\n\u2022 balance the microbiome by consuming fermented foods and probiotics, fasting, and cutting out sugar and processed foods\n\n\u2022 promote weight loss by detoxifying and creating healthy digestion and maximum nutrient absorption\n\n\u2022 boost immunity and prevent the onset of neurological diseases such as Parkinson\u2019s and Alzheimer\u2019s\n\n\u2022 generate a happier mindset and reduce fatigue, moodiness, anxiety, and depression\n\n\u2022 prevent and heal GI disorders such as leaky gut syndrome, food sensitivities and allergies, and IBS, as well as digestive discomfort such as heartburn and bloating\n\nI'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I'd rather follow the pioneer of this research field. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkmE31QUU4o) is one of his Ted talks about the brain and gut microbes. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wf9ac", "comment_id": "e1v5w4q"}, {"question": "Me 25[f] crush on work colleague 24[m]. In relationship, please help.", "description": "Hi all, I know this question sometimes gets a bad rep, so please be kind; I'm reaching out for help. \nI started work recently at a new company (2 months ago), and have started developing feelings for someone who I work with. \nNow I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and I love my other half. He's great, there is nothing wrong with our relationship. \n\nHowever, I've started developing feeling for another guy. I didn't think this would ever happen, I have never cheated on anyone and wouldn't do that to someone as I know how much it hurts (my ex routinely cheated on me)\nI feel sick with guilt over liking another guy, and I feel this is impacting my current relationship. I don't even have this other guy's number or have him on social media, but I am ridden with guilt for even liking him. I get butterflies/ fast heart beat whenever he's around and it's ridiculous. I can clearly tell he likes me too which makes it even worse. \n\nMy question is, what do I do? Will this crush go away? What if it doesn't? I'm not a horrible person, I don't want to leave my boyfriend for someone else and I definitely wouldn't initiate something whilst in a relationship. I just want to be able to eat something because my guilt is making me want to vomit on the daily. ", "answer": "Been there. It SUCKS. But it does get better, it takes time and distance. You may have to work with this person, but you can go out of your way to keep the contact to a minimum. Also, give yourself a break about those feelings. They're a completely natural response to human attraction. The feelings aren't the problem, it's what you do with them.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71xtm5", "comment_id": "dne92n5"}, {"question": "Broke Up with girlfriend over these Red Flags; was I justified?", "description": "I broke up with my girlfriend earlier this week because my girlfriend (23) of 4 months made me feel repeatedly uneasy.  I (22) tried to speak openly and plainly about the way her actions made me feel and throughout each instance she was able to convince me to reconcile with my anxieties but only for the moment.  Here are the Red Flags: \n1)She tells me she loves me for the first time while she is hammered at a wine tasting event, at that same event flirts with the server and gets a free wine glass\n2) I pick up her and her friend from a girls night out at a bar- she gets in the car laughing and clapping and excitedly exclaims she \"even got his number!\".  When I asked her about it the next morning she got upset and said it was nothing.  \n3) Christmas Vacation - She lives in Philly and hits up her ex boyfriend to take of her cats while she's away for a few days; she meets up with him at a bar and they have dinner and drinks alone\n4) Ex boyfriend invites her out to kareokee at a bar a few nights after they go out and also suggests she stay the night if she gets to drunk and she considered it.\n5) She deleted her text messages with her ex boyfriend from before the new year of 2017, after she said she didn't care if i saw the texts between them. \n6)I'm going to the Army and whenever I ask direct questions about how comfortable she is with the commitment she says she \"doesn't know how she will react but believes it will work out\"\n7)She keeps in contact with a neighborhood friend [Male, 30] she fell in love with when she was 15 or 16.\n\nShe always made me feel like it was my fault for being insecure but are these signals good reasons for me to feel overbearingly so? She also had a shady past with her roomate [Female 23] who would not talk to her anymore because of a situation involving her and ex and my ex. There always seemed to be secrecy and a lack of transparency even thought she said she wanted the same things as me. Her actions didn't add up. I appoligize if this is like word vomit but I feel it will be easy to look at the information i've put thus far and make a judgement without including a lengthy bio. I miss her and I'm afraid I've lost her but I know I made the right decison.  Just looking for others opinions i guess.\n\nEdit1: Just some more details for you all - She did shut me down when i would try to discuss my feelings in a number of ways; she didn't want her roommate to hear, or she just didn't feel like discussing it because we kept -and this is another red flag- repeating the same arguments, or -another red flag- she was too tired and drained and it triggered her anxiety.  When I did have an oppurtunity to voice them she would just say okay and mhm and she would try to reasure me nothing was wrong without plainly speaking about what was going on and what her intentions were, it always felt like something was amiss.  \n Another story for example: After the New Years (after she had told me she would be a perfect girlfriend and make things better since the ex bf situation) there was an art auction in Philly.  She expressed interest and I was like cool. Then she slips in the \"oh and i was invited by my ex's best friend\". So i ask a few questions and it turns out he was going to be there selling art.  She did not make that clear at first. She eluded to it and waited for me to ask questions - as if to gauge or test me.  That did not feel good and as I tried to probe her about it she shook me off as if nothing was wrong even though I clearly expressed concern about the relationship between them two. It was like she cared about my feelings as a person in general but did not care enough to do something about them, like putting my feelings first.  I cannot and would not ask her to change in that way for me which is why I ended it. I was really upset at first because it seemed like she wanted to try to make it work but it just didn't make sense and my gut feeling was screaming at me\n\nALso THANKYOU to the people who replied and spent the time to read my post.  Sometimes I need to discuss my thoughts and I dont have a whole lot of people who I can trust to talk to - and I need variety. It's just the diplomatic side of me but thanks anyway to you all\n\nEDIT 2: Thanks everyone.  It's easy on the ears to hear all of that, I know I'm not crazy. Of course it's never easy to break up with somebody you love so I'm psychologically dealing with that right now but I do believe it was for the best.    \n           ", "answer": "absolutely. i wish more reddittors were as astute as you at reading/seeing red flags and taking ACTION.  i'm a therapist; the biggest problem out there is passivity.  good for you my friend~", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pbabv", "comment_id": "dcpteef"}, {"question": "Do I have Rabies?", "description": "So last week I read a post on reddit that explained how dangerous and terrifying rabies is. Later that day I had a minor headache, nothing super painful just head discomfort, and I thought \"oh shit\". I don't remember being bitten, but because of the potentially long incubation period and the fact that bat bites can be hard to notice, I started worrying. Today I have had more frequent 'mini' headaches, small discomfort no major pain, and I've felt 'unwell' which is a symptom of rabies (along with the headaches). I have a virtual doctor's appointment tomorrow at 4pm so i can see if it might be something else (COVID-19 possibly), but I know that if it is rabies I am a dead man walking. I guess I just wanted to ask to see what others thought, I know its the classic \"googling your symptoms and you now have cancer\" but I'm naturally an anxious person so now I've been fretting over it.", "answer": "Unless you have known exposure to bats, which you don\u2019t mention, the best fitting explanation is escalating anxiety. You were a little bit worried, which made you more aware of symptoms, which made you worry more, which made the symptoms more pronounced...\n\nIt can be hard to notice that you were bitten *if you were exposed to a bat*. Rabies doesn\u2019t just come out of nowhere from bats you never perceived. It\u2019s a rare disease in the US.\n\nMost headaches are, of course, not rabies. They\u2019re headaches from fatigue, hunger or thirst, awkward posture, caffeine withdrawal, or sometimes nothing identifiable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzjri3", "comment_id": "fzjg7e9"}, {"question": "Need help diagnosing this girl", "description": "So I was on Omegle last night not doing anything particular. All of a sudden this naked girl appears and I naturally assume it's a bot. As it turns out, she was not a bot but a very real girl and this was her first time showing off on Omegle. I hit the jackpot, right? I asked her if she had been forced to do this in any way (losing a bet or something) but she said it was of her own will. She went on to take a bath whilst talking to me and this is where the weird things begin...\nTo start off, she is very pretty and has an amazing body. Really hot in short. She starts teasing me by playing with her boobs and seductively sucking on a fucking banana. She added me on skype and we continued from there. Sure, this was a very pleasant experience but also really weird, I mean why would she do this? Here's some info I got out of her:\n* She is soon to be 18 (so no pics, sorry!) \n* She's being bullied at school but says she doesn't mind.\n* She doesn't take any meds and hasn't received any psychological or similar treatment.\n* She has some issues with sarcasm but not that bad. She is able to joke and read people's feelings to some extent at least. \n* She is almost asexual! She had never had an orgasm, been with a boy in any erotic way whatsoever and she never fantasize about sex or any such thing. I asked her if she liked boys and she said yes. \n* She is completely oblivious of her own looks. She sincerely thinks she is ugly and fat (far from it). I provided her with symptoms of body dysmorphic disorded but she didn't think many of them applied (maybe 2 out of 10). \n\nI said it would be a good idea to see a psychologist so that she could talk to someone but she didn't think that was necessary. So, anyone here has a clue what diagnosis she might have (if any)?  \nFor some reason, I can't create bullet points. ", "answer": "You, and anyone else on the internet can't diagnose. But you are being a little ridiculous. It doesn't sound like there are any problems with her, and you're over reacting. A lot.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2xcbq0", "comment_id": "coz190n"}, {"question": "Can repressed memories become un-repressed?", "description": "When I was 24, I was in a nasty car wreck. I suffered a TBI and a subdural hematoma around my bifrontal lobe. Less than two years later I had seizures related to injuries suffered in that wreck.\n\nI didn't remember any of that. I'm 30 now, and I don't want to remember any of that. I've read online of the spontaneous recovery of traumatic memories. How likely is that, particularly given the circumstances of my head injury?\n\nIn case you need to know, I'm a white male, 290 lbs and take 1000 mg Keppra 2x", "answer": "The idea of traumatic memories being repressed has significantly fallen out of favor. Traumatic memories are often fragmentary and don't come together in \"watching a video\"-like quality of most autobiographical memory, but it's rare for their to be nothing at all. What's common is loss of memory after head injury, and that isn't recoverable. In your case, perhaps, fortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbcwb1", "comment_id": "eki11ug"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (23f) is depressed over professional life. How can I (23m) help?", "description": "My girlfriend and I met during a networking conference in October 2015. We ended up working in different areas of the same company and starting on the same day. I'm having a great experience in a really cool area. She had a nightmare of a boss and quit 6 months into the job.\n\nWe get along incredibly well and I love her more than I ever imagined loving anyone. However, she and I both value our professional life highly. She is a very hard worker, and very smart (graduated 2nd in her class at a prestigious school). It had been her dream to work for a large company forever. She's kept spreadsheets of the best companies to work for since she was 15, and my company was always one of her top picks. After leaving, she went into an awful job, quit, and is now working for a smaller company. Her job is not the worst, but she is extremely unhappy about the entire situation, and feels as if she threw away years of her life preparing for something that hurt her, and sent her back a couple of years in terms of where she is professionally.\n\nShe cries more than once a day about it (usually by herself) and though I have tried multiple times to talk to her, I can't stand seeing how much self-harm she does by holding on to the belief that one can only be happy professionally at a large corporation. Her family holds this belief, and seeing me grow professionally in her old company doesn't help. \n\nEvery time I try to talk to her about the issue, we end up having a very emotional argument and I feel like I'm not helping her. \n\nWhat can I do? I don't want to break up with her, but seeing her this way is bringing me down daily. At the same time, I know that feeling is very selfish, so I desperately want to help her. \n\nShe is very dismissive of help. She has seen a therapist, and a career coach and they both folded in and essentially said they didn't know how they could help her.\n\nHelp me help her, please ", "answer": "she saw a bad therapist.   shop around; you'll find a great one.\nhttps://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rr2y3", "comment_id": "dd9liut"}, {"question": "What is this? (CW: Traumatic memories mention)", "description": "I get these moments where I either can't stop remembering a traumatic experience or I imagine a whole new traumatic experience that hasn't happened. \n\nI lay awake and can't help but imagining the worst things. Fights with my family, my family yelling at me, etc. All very realistic but it hasn't happened. \n\nIt's all very upsetting but I can't turn it off. My mind just keeps making these sorts bad day dreams, waking nightmares. Even if I stop myself it just resumes, and I can only distract myself for so long. \n\nIt's like the events of my past aren't good enough trauma that my brain needs to make up new situations that are unlikely to happen. I hope its unlikely anyways. \n\nThe closest description I have is intrusive thoughts, but worse, because they're vividly detailed and play out almost in real time in my head. \n\nIs there a term for what this is?", "answer": "Yes. It's called negative rumination. It's characterized by obsessive intrusive thoughts that often times people feel powerless to control. They can be both real and imagined.\n\nNegative rumination over a long period of time can prove hurtful to mental health because of things like lack of sleep, lost motivation, feelings of sadness and anxiety, etc. Tends to start due to anxiety and can evolve into other things if not managed. \n\nIf it gets to be too overwhelming, I'd suggest starting a conversation with your family doctor to explore some options on addressing it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d44eaf", "comment_id": "f07ssf2"}, {"question": "I've tried everything to get someone to like me and failed. I'm ready to destroy my body", "description": "Soon to be 18 years old and I've never been in a relationship before. I was pulled out of school twice last year for suicidal and homicidal thoughts (I admitted I had plans to shoot all the couples and married teachers at both of our major school dances) and struggled to meet people being at an all-male school and not being particularly outgoing.\n\nI eventually got over the fear of rejection and started going to lots of underage drinking parties and hitting on girls from other schools there. I got rejected and embarrassed by everyone I approached and starting spiraling back into isolation and violent anger.\n\nFast forward to now and I'm ready to give life another shot before I start planning to go postal again, but I want to be better prepared.\n\nI have a connection to a dealer who has a lot of high-power steroids and has given me a suggestion for a \"stack\" to try it. This would involve taking massive amounts of testosterone enhancers through pills as well as injections in both my arms.\n\nDo I need to destroy myself to get accepted or will this fail just like everything else has?", "answer": "What are you hoping to accomplish with the steroids?  It sounds like a terrible idea and you seem to see it as essentially self destructive yourself.  What you should do is to get into psychotherapy, like for anger management and depression.  You should join a mindfulness meditation group.  To use a star wars metaphor, this anger is the 'dark side' and there is another and better (ultimately more satisfying) way to work with the intense pain of social rejection that you are almost certainly trying to cope with here.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "534fy2", "comment_id": "d7q2pt2"}, {"question": "Are there ANY books with adult FEMALE protagonists on the spectrum?", "description": "I'm writing a novel where the protagonist is a woman with Asperger's. (The character is more than loosely based on me.) I'm wondering...is this a first?\n\n**I should clarify that by \"protagonist,\" I mean \"main point of view character.\" :-)**", "answer": "I'd like to say that I think you should do this even if it is not a first, if only because the best books are written by people who \"write what they know.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26mp5r", "comment_id": "chsrkib"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. In sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. I suppose I should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the ONLY type of response. This is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" It's very unfortunate, ESP when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckfb8pj"}, {"question": "I need someone to tell me what is this problem with my penis", "description": "20M, 210, 6', Caucasian, No medications, problem (as described below) has been going on as far as I can remember\n\nI can\u2019t retract my foreskin. I always tried when I was younger and always was painful and could never fully retract. I can see part of my glans and can wash some what of it. But I cannot retract all the way to the neck of the penis.\n\nNow everyone is gonna say, is phimosis, I do not believe it is. I made a lot of research and can not find anything that seems to look like what I have. Let me explain.\n\nWhen I try to retract my penis foreskin, it starts showing a little of the glans, from the top side, then when I look at the bottom part, the foreskin is still in the top of the penis head, when I try to pull that area down the opening (external urethral meatus) and the inner foreskin are **literally stuck** together, there is a piece of flesh connecting them together.\n\nThis piece of flesh can not be the frenulum as the frenulum is not close to the meatus, I just don\u2019t understand why is it like that. Is this a condition? I\u2019m sure this cannot be phimosis, as phimosis is tight foreskin not a piece of flesh that makes the top part of the penis stuck to the foreskin.\n\nAny doctors or anyone who is familiar with this?", "answer": "Posts that can involve circumcision bring out strong *non-medical opinions.*\n\nIf you post about whether or not to get circumcision, your post should be removed. If you give forceful advice without flair, you will be temporarily banned to remove you from this thread.\n\nThis is r/AskDocs, for **asking docs.** If you are not a doc, some have already weighed in here, and your editorializing is not welcome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hm0xo7", "comment_id": "fx3rr6j"}, {"question": "I'm done telling people \"I don't drink\"...", "description": "I've started saying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days.\"\n\n---\n\nThere seems to be a certain stigma that comes with being a non-drinker. When I say \"I don't drink\", it's like *oh, you're one of those people.* \n\nSaying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days\" gets the message across without the possibility of triggering that awkwardness. \n\nIdk, it works for me. Maybe you can try it. \n\n---\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Some of this has been said but I\u2019ll just add that when I was newer in sobriety this kind of thing bothered me more. But now I have to say I feel super comfortable saying \u201cNo thanks...I don\u2019t drink\u201d. I\u2019m not saying that the road isn\u2019t challenging sometimes but I really don\u2019t miss it around folks that would judge me for not drinking. I now see their assessment as so insanely-skewed that I\u2019d sooner seek vampires\u2019 or zombies\u2019 thoughts on vegetarianism. It really is a blessing to have found a path to sobriety and to understand how perversely alcohol affected my perceptions and expectations. Again, not always an easy road but thank heavens IWNDWYT!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "huh5g7", "comment_id": "fynz74t"}, {"question": "What happens during a sleep study?", "description": "Hello! I am a 20yo male who has a pretty long history of insomnia, so my psychiatrist recommended that I get a sleep study done. What happens during one?\n\nIn my mind, I'm picturing all sorts of wires stuck to me while somebody is in the next room, just watching me sleep. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is, so I find it hard to imagine sleeping like that. Maybe I've just seen too many doctor shows \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "That's an accurate pictures. There are lots of wires on you, and there is someone on duty, although he or she is more likely to be browsing Reddit than watching you sleep unless there's something specific to watch. It's probably not the most comfortable sleep of your life, but unless you're insomnia is truly terrible you'll fall asleep eventually and get some data. And if you don't sleep at all, that's data too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n5gpk", "comment_id": "dzt2j04"}, {"question": "At what point do I see a doctor", "description": "I'm a 22yo male, 6' 2\" 160lbs. No known health problems but I do have anxiety, otherwise i'm in seemingly good health.\n\nThis past week I've been experiencing heart palpitations. I guess these are either PACs and/or PVCs. In years past I had similar symtpoms and have gone to the cardiologist twice - once when I was 15 and the other time was when I was 17. I also went to the ER once when I was 20. Each time I made a doctor visit I received normal EKG and echocardiograms (had this done 2 times (at 15 and then at 17yo). I also got a 24-hour holter monitor twice. Everything was normal and the doctor said I just had a few PACs. He said not to worry at all.\n\n\nFast forward a little bit. I have palpitations every now and then and I've taken my doctor's word for it and felt fine with ignoring them. Though, this past week I've been experiencing them very frequently. I have no other symptoms and I've been riding my bike miles per day as usual to go to work. They seem to be somewhat random but at times I have maybe 15 an hour. Sometimes I have a few per minute. They aren't super consistent except that they're consistent throughout the day and I recognize each time I have them. At least a few per hour I'd say, for the past 4 days or so. \n\n\nI have a CityMD urgent care near my apartment and I'm wondering if I should go today before it closes (just moved cities so I don't have a regular doctor yet). It just costs $75 that I don't want to spend knowing that I have major health anxiety and this will probably be nothing. IDK. On the one hand I've had these in the past and everything was fine but I don't ever remember having them so frequently. \n\n\n\nRight now I'm at home and I haven't noticed any palps for a while. Is it necessary to go ASAP or can I just wait this out a little bit and hopefully they'll go away(?) If I had a normal EKG 2 years ago, plus a normal echo about 4 years ago, is this really necessary?? Ultimately I guess I'm scared that I may have developed some structural issue since then.", "answer": "I think that you might want to consider treatment for your anxiety and see how your cardiac symptoms are thereafter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57j1is", "comment_id": "d8swfut"}, {"question": "I'm a wimp", "description": "Everytime somebody says something to me, I can't shrug it off. It clings onto me like a leech. I have so many fights, I have people calling me names. I hate this feeling. I wanna just get off the internet for a while, but by now it's an addition. I'm so connected to the friends I made I can't just go without my phone. ", "answer": "Do some research on Cognitive distortions. Everybody has distorted thoughts and negative self-talk, but you can learn how to recognize and manage those thoughts. Eventually you\u2019ll stop believing them, especially if you can replace them with more positive, accurate thoughts. Your thoughts are not who you are! Don\u2019t let your fear define you!\n\nFor example....\u201dI can\u2019t do this, I\u2019m an idiot.\u201d That\u2019s a distorted thought...how about instead \u201cThis is new to me and I\u2019m learning. I\u2019m doing the best I can and I just have to be patient with myself while I learn.\u201d You got this!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajxd9v", "comment_id": "eezsqfa"}, {"question": "What happened to being able to tell your doctors the truth?", "description": "It literally gets me no where and the only time I get treated is when I lie..I don't like doing that. \n\nFor example. One 'Psychiatrist' I saw I was honest about one of my meds, Ativan, that have taken for years. Naturally I have a tolerance. I told him I take two of the one milligrams to function. He said \" so you are taking more then I told you too?\"\n\nMe \" I guess I am\" \n\nHim\" well I am going to have to ask you to leave my practice\"\n\nI just said ok no problem' but I'm thinking to myself..like damn I can't even tell a shrink the truth? How am I evef going to be treated or get therapy if I can't be honest?? This isn't the only time just one spec example.", "answer": "Whilst I agree that it's not good to take more of anything than recommended, I am a strong proponent of NOT discharging anyone because of it. I mean, what's the point of that? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7f0n6k", "comment_id": "dq8xmkq"}, {"question": "My friend writes terrible sci-fi novels and wastes tons of money on promoting them. How can I help him?", "description": "My friend is a 25-year-old man. He has written a few science fiction novels. I have read some of his writing and it is very boring. The characters are simplistic, the action reads like a video game, and it is generally unappealing to most people, even among sci-fi fans.\n\nI am not a psychiatrist, but I believe he has undiagnosed high-functioning autism (I won't go into detail). He believes that his writing is good and that he will find an audience that will find his writing amazing. He also believes his writing is a gift from God. He spends money on printing and marketing his books. His only review on Amazon was negative.\n\nI am currently being supportive of his writing career. I tell him that his writing is not the type I'm interested in, but as long as he knows who his audience is, he should ignore everybody else's opinions and focus on improving his writing to cater to his target audience.\n\nI want to help him however I can, but I am only his friend, so I know my options are limited. What can I do?", "answer": "I mean, if he enjoys writing and he's not going into debt to promote it, then why dissuade him? He's having fun and doing something he enjoys.\n\nHowever, if you think he might have high-functioning autism, you could consider asking him to think about seeing a psychologist for a diagnosis. Maybe find an online Asperger's quiz and encourage him to take it to see if it fits his life. Of course, you need to be careful to present this in a way that isn't offensive.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zds7m", "comment_id": "cfsrdrt"}, {"question": "The most difficult part of an essay: Planning and synthesis. And how to overcome this.", "description": "So I have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. I guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, ADHD-addled brain. \n\nBut then the dread kicks in when I have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. Being a perfectionist, I'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. So this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when I've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. But I really want to work on avoiding this so I can plan in peace. \n\nAnyway, I've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. I make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. So the ideas basically progress logically down the rows. \n\nThen the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. For this part, I copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so I have a copy next to me while planning the essay. This avoids scatter. \n\nSo after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, I cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And if it's a shorter essay, I filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the MOST useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)\n\nIt's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. Just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety I am currently experiencing.", "answer": "Sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you.  I have a similar one where I outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where I plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. I also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. To help, I do a \"Pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. For example, a 10 Page paper with 3 weeks to complete means I can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review.  At first I just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then I read each section to adjust content and syntax. I find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when I have something already on the page.  The trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "dm32q8i"}, {"question": "I started taking Cymbalta 3 days ago and experienced some fairly awful side effects so I'm quitting tomorrow. No possibility for withdrawal?", "description": "Hello! \n\nAs per the title I started taking Cymbalta about 3 days ago but it gave me some side effects I couldn't quite stick out (elevated heart rate, worse anxiety, and chills) so I decided to drop off of it. I called my pharmacists and they said I shouldn't have any issues after three days, however, I wanted to get some other opinions here. I've heard some stories about this drug (which I didn't look into until after taking it, sigh) where people have had intense withdrawal systems some people claiming only after taking it for a week or less. \n\nI'm inclined to think those are a bit on the dramatic side, has anyone had experience with this drug? I can't imagine after only 4 days I will experience the dire effects people who've taken it long term have, however, based on the stories of others should I expect anything? \n\nThank you! ", "answer": "You shouldn't get any withdrawal symptoms after just 3 days.\n\nWhat's it being prescribed for, and what meds have you been on previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d5l0", "comment_id": "d8148ag"}, {"question": "What do I say?", "description": "I'm 16, and I just got a girlfriend. We've hung out a few times, and I want to do something cheap. I want to ask her to come over to my house. I'm assuming her parents won't allow it, so if they won't, how do I ask to come over to her place without it sounding creepy/weird?", "answer": "\"Do you want to hang out at my house?  No?  You can't? Could we hang out at your house?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eyhev", "comment_id": "die1r3e"}, {"question": "Please, the literature available online is so confusing does heavy adolescent cannabis use for one year have lasting effects if stopped?", "description": "Hi I'm 17M 5' 7\" 135 lbs and white. I started smoking weed 1 year and 1 month ago and I have been using it anywhere from 1-3 times most days with some breaks ranging from a week or two to a month, I am going to stop immediately because the thought of ruining my mind is giving me anxiety attacks. To get a bit more specific I probably smoked about a gram every 4-5 days max. Please tell me if, even with stopping, my brain will be permanently altered and if so how much and in what ways. Is there anything I can do other than abstinence to remedy what I have done. I appreciate any help this is causing me no small amount of stress.", "answer": "The answer matters for public health, but it actually has no effect for you. You can\u2019t go back and not smoke, so what difference it makes is an entirely hypothetical question.\n\nThe best thing for now is to quit. Whatever is reversible will reverse, and whatever is avoidable will be avoided.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fwvnrt", "comment_id": "fmqtw5i"}, {"question": "Am I crazy for wanting to go to a mental hospital?", "description": "I have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety, and have had some suicidal idealizations, although I know I could never go through with it since too many people would be upset if I was gone. Yet I still wish for death. And I have a gut feeling that I want to go to a mental hospital, yet I can\u2019t seem to be able to tell why. I\u2019m not worried about harming myself, yet I can\u2019t get the thought out of my mind. Any feedback is appreciated.", "answer": "Sounds like you have some protective factors that can be a source of strength for you. Have you attempted any kind of outpatient work for what's going on? Perhaps seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist (or both)? That might be a better place to start as opposed to seeking an inpatient admission.\n\nYou are always free to go to your local facility and ask to talk to someone about an inpatient admission. They can advise you on the pros and cons of an admission and if they feel it would be appropriate for you.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f34kja", "comment_id": "fhhbpjv"}, {"question": "Need input from a parent who has lost a kid.", "description": "Preface: Not looking for \"Don't do it, this (insert bullshit reason) is enough to keep you going\" responses. Please save those for someone who isn't lost. I really just....well, title.\n\nLong story short (which, if need really be, can be elaborated via pm's) is that this IS going to happen, I just need to know how long I need to wait.\n\nI have a selfish reason that is keeping me going 'till around August-September. It is at this time that I will reassess and see if another month will be tolerable or not.\n\n**My question comes in here.**\nHow hard was it for you when you lost your child?\nI ask because my decision kinda rides on how my parents will take it, seeing as they're the main reason I'm still here. I'd like to not hurt them any more than necessary, but I know I'm dragging them down with me the longer I continue.\n\nSo essentially it comes down to: right now, after my selfish deadline, or (hopefully not, but if necessary) after they croak?", "answer": "The best answer I can give, really fucking hard.  It fucks you up like few things possibly could. You question everything you've ever thought about. It makes you think you failed as a parent and your kid hated you/did not trust you. It makes you think as if you deserved to lose your kid because you had been such a failure as a parent. ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "659v7s", "comment_id": "dg92y2o"}, {"question": "Does anyone have a higher FSH than Lh levels that got diagnosed with PCOS?", "description": "I have read online that your levels of lh should be 2x or more higher than fsh. But mine is the quite opposite they are both in normal ranges.  I am confused should I go for a second opinion?", "answer": "You don\u2019t need every symptom on the list to have PCOS. My FSH:LH ratio is generally normal but I have pleeenty of other symptoms (though no string of pearls ovarian cysts - which I would imagine is what\u2019s responsible for the higher LH anyway). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8mhon4", "comment_id": "dznuntn"}, {"question": "Day 1 Journey to the rest of my life", "description": "Today is my first day back on the road to recovery. I have a couple of days off work and it is back to the ole grindstone Wednesday so I hope that I can keep this sense of freedom and power going. Right now I feel like everything super raw and real. It's like a crust that covered my mind body and soul is being washed off and I'm left learning to live again. Ive been smoking marijuana and slowly cleaning my space and preparing for the journey. Had semi intense craving momentarily. I have not really prepared much and am kinda winging this quit. 30 / grams day for around a year. Wish me luck gang!\n", "answer": "How are you guys doing? I\u2019m coming up on my 5th day and I still feel pretty terrible. I\u2019ve only been using for a year with a peak of 20-30g a day during a major surgery. Toward the last month I was down to 10-15g before I jumped. I haven\u2019t been able to sleep without ambien, I have a constant headache, zero energy, and my body feels like it\u2019s on fire laying down. I still have my eye on the prize and have no intention of using kratom again. Just wanted to check in because I\u2019m pretty sure we all quit around the same time. ", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9ogwg9", "comment_id": "e83vi3u"}, {"question": "Is it possible for a cis boy with gynecomastia to develop gender dysphoria or a simmiliar condition?", "description": "I'm a 35yo cis bi male. When i was a younger i had a bad case of gynecomastia (male breast growth) which led to me being sexual harrassed and assualted. Last year i came out of the closet and began to engage with the llgbt community online. As i engaged with them one thing that fasianated me was they way pre op trans men talked about gender dysphoria and thier chests. The way they talked about felt distrubingly simmiliar to the way i felt about my gynecomastia. Is it possible that as a teenage cis male, that having breasts could trigger gender dysphoria or something simmiliar?", "answer": "Not a diagnosis, just some info:  There are body dysmorphic disorders and body dysmorphic-like disorders which are categorized under the obsessive-compulsive and related disorders in the DSM 5. So it depends if you\u2019re feeling a strong desire to be a different gender or if it\u2019s a preoccupation with your body due to the gynecomastia presentation. So if you want breasts because they feel more like who you are inside it could be gender dysphoria if you don\u2019t want breasts and prefer you had a more \u201cmasculine\u201d chest it might be more related to body dysmorphia.  If you currently see a T this would be a good topic to explore, if you don\u2019t have one it wouldn\u2019t hurt to start and have a place to explore these feelings.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ey96h7", "comment_id": "fggles8"}, {"question": "In 7 minutes I will be 30 days sober!", "description": "Thank you all for helping me achieve sobriety! I love you all. Iwdwyt", "answer": "Congratulations! \ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\n\nThat's a huge accomplishment. In therapist school we'd be told to normalize relapse at this point, but I'm actually just excited for you \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d9w4n0", "comment_id": "f1n1l5d"}, {"question": "Tips for insomnia?", "description": "My sleeping has been way off over the past month. I usually go through phases with insomnia; it comes and goes as it pleases and gets worse with stress/anxiety. Anybody got any tips to cope? Thanks.", "answer": "There is a free app the US Navy uses called CBT-i app. It helps you log your sleep, gives you tips to help fall asleep and lower symptoms. Melatonin tablets help people with insomnia fall asleep. Also if you'd like to just drink it, try a NeuroSleep drink. They have 5-HTP and Melatonin in it. Best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "548p7r", "comment_id": "d7zvbw2"}, {"question": "How should I ask my therapist for my diagnosis?", "description": "I want to bring it up at our next session, but don\u2019t know how to broach the subject.", "answer": "I would say, I'm curious what diagnosis you have for me? \n\nAre you paying with insurance? Because many therapists actually are very hesitant to formally diagnose clients. However, when using insurance it is required in order to get paid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d3licd", "comment_id": "f03p5hc"}, {"question": "Advice for an introvert trying to talk to an even more introverted crush", "description": "I have a huge crush on this girl but whenever I see her around school or in class my heart skips a beat and I freeze up. I can\u2019t say hi or anything, I just give a quick glance and walk away feeling like an idiot. It also doesn\u2019t help that she is also very introverted and won\u2019t go out of her way to initiate conversation. Some of her friends have told me that she likes me though but neither of us can seem to talk to each other. We sit a couple seats away in one class everyday and give each other glances. There is an occasional conversation between us but it usually involves the group of people around talking as well. What should I do to gain the courage to go talk to her? This has really never happened to me before, I don\u2019t have any problem talking to girls normally. However I know that once we start talking I won\u2019t be this nervous, I just need to break through that first barrier and maybe get her number.", "answer": "Like I say to most folks in similar situations, start out by casually greeting her on a more regular basis.  On your way in to class or when you see her just say \"hey\" or \"good morning\".  Simple smile and nod and be on your way.\n\nIt's honestly good practice to get in the habit of doing that with just about everyone.  It makes it much easier to initiate a conversation later and reduces anxiety.  It also shows others that you're friendly and you're not going to jump down their throats if they try to engage you.  Most people are not going to be rude to you just for a greeting, but if they are, then you pretty much know they're not worth bothering with.\n\nAfter you feel a little more confident, ask her a question about something.  Could be anything, even something you already know the answer to just to have an excuse to spark up a conversation.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9lpjdo", "comment_id": "e78igdk"}, {"question": "Another effect of sobriety...libido...lol ?", "description": "As I've discovered, there are many changes that come with sobriety.  One I wasn't expecting was at 45 years old my libido suddenly not only returning, but with the ferocity of a high school student in puberty....lol.\n\nAnyone else experience this ?  Another way my body is returning to normal ?\n\nJust curious...maybe it's just me...lol.", "answer": "Actually, me too!  I'm 85 days sober, and I think mine started to come back a couple of weeks ago.  At least, that's when I started to notice.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dllm2r", "comment_id": "f4ruwgt"}, {"question": "Quarantine is a true test of friendship here.", "description": "As bleak and blunt as this may sound, if people aren't making an effort to reach out and say hello, or get snapchats, etc from people you know -- they're not your friend. \n\nThink about it, you have literally NOTHING to do, and you could check in on your friends or even establish contact in some form due to being inside and probably on social media.\n\nThis time of quarantine is going to actually show you who your true friends are, and simply put, if they don't reach out or make an effort to during this time, then you may need to re-evaluate your friendships.", "answer": "Some of us are still really busy, working demanding jobs amidst uncertainty and unprecedented stress. Please assume the best when you finally interact with people.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "fmmbef", "comment_id": "fl5ad0i"}, {"question": "My mother [58] is losing her ability to speak, all tests inconclusive except for one test for microtoxins, moving on to doc #5 and I don\u2019t know what to do going forward", "description": "My mother is losing her ability to speak and I don\u2019t know what to do\n\nThis has been going on for two years and started off by me and my sibling noticing her voice starting to change. Fast forward two years and my moms ability to speak is almost entirely gone, and gotten worse in the past two months particularly.\n\nIt\u2019s sounds like she is a baby or younger person and causes heavy sluring, essentially she\u2019s lost all articulation and speed. Her mental ability is still 100% there, we\u2019ve done multiple tests for memory, etc and she comes up in the higher percentiles for her age.\n\nShe writes me detailed letters that demonstrate her cognitive ability, no mental illness in the family.\n\nShe is 58, exercises daily (since college) and only eats healthy food. No smoking or drinking.\n\nShe is on the fifth doctor (CA) and they are starting from square 0 again with tests for ALS, dementia, etc.. but I have a feeling after another 6 months of testing we will find inconclusive results once again. As we have with all doctors (nobody can find what\u2019s wrong).\n\nEDIT: a (belived urine, will confirm when know) test for rare micro toxins that were detected, my mother testing in the range of 608 ng/g for Mycophenolic  Acid, where the acceptable rate is roughly \\~38. Please see this comment for more discussion on this:  [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/guzowl/my\\_mother\\_58\\_is\\_losing\\_her\\_ability\\_to\\_speak\\_all/fsnmo6u/?utm\\_source=share&utm\\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/guzowl/my_mother_58_is_losing_her_ability_to_speak_all/fsnmo6u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)\n\nThere\u2019s is nothing that has changed mentally for my mother outside the newly added stress (she is on disability for work because her job requires talking) but I\u2019m loosing my mind watching my mother lose her ability to talk, and I don\u2019t know what to do or where to look. All the tests she passes and I just don\u2019t know I just want hear her voice again.\n\nWhat can I do to get to the bottom of this? We\u2019ve spent so much on these studies that show up inconclusive, nobody is giving me solid advice, every doctor wants to test the same things again (which I understand as its due process), but I need to figure this out.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n# ***********  Updates  *************\n\nMy mom first noticed her ability to speak leaving in 2017, this \"illness\" has been a gradual climb since then and is now rapidly accelerating into her not being able to speak anymore. She can barely communicate for 2-3hrs of the day at the moment and this number is dwindling.\n\nShe has/is attempting western medicine solutions, we are on a long chain of specialists and referrals that started around late 2017.\n\nShe also believes in trying homeopathic/eastern medicine options, hence the long list of supplements.\n\nOne of the biggest concerns is the high level of Mycophenolic  Acid that appeared in my mothers urine samples. She was not tested for Mycophenolic acid until after she had been on her supplements for roughly six-eight months, she started the supplements early 2019.\n\nShe moved homes in 2018, the home she moved into was torn down to the foundation (by her) and rebuilt (this process **finished** in 2018), before moving in the home was checked for mold and no results came back. I have a theory that her furniture could have accumulated mold (all her main furniture sat in storage during the remodel).\n\nWhat I'm trying to do:\n\n\\- Make her condition and known results publicly and easily accessible by you guys\n\n\\- Forwarding all questions to her and recording all responses\n\n\\- Sending love to my mother\n\nWe plan on having the house re-checked for mold and will be moving her out temporarily in hopes that her condition improves (hoping that this is the cause of all this).\n\n**Please see edit 3 for the newest test results**\n\n# EDIT 2:\n\nThis is round one of information that I received, more will be incoming throughout the day when she finishes her swallow study today.\n\nAll symptoms are on the left side of throat/jaw/mouth\n\n**Tests:**\n\n* brain MRI in May 2019 was normal.\n* DAT scan for Parkinsons and PSP was normal in May 2019\n* EMG nerve test for ALS in April, 2019 was normal\n* Nuero psych exam in May 2020 normal\n* MRI of abdomen shows subcapsular cysts on spleen and thoracic roots\n* MRI of neck shows osteocytes on C 5,6\n* Abnormal blood tests are:\n* elevated ANA antibody\n* chronic past EBV infection-high titers\n* chronic low Vitamin D levels\n* Mycotoxin of Ochratoxin A and Mycophelonic acid\n* Heavy metals: Mercury, lead and arsenic. We have not tested for Aluminum or Cadium yet.\n\n**Medication:**\n\n\\- Levothyroxine for thyroid\n\n\\- Losartan for blood pressure\n\n\\- estrogen and progesterone hormones\n\n**Vitamins:**\n\n* C, D, E\n* Zinc\n* CoQ10\n* L-Lysine\n* Choline and Inositol\n* Quercetin\n* Turmeric\n* Omega 3\n* Oleic Acid\n* Linoleic Acid\n* Alpha Lipoic Acid\n* Selenium\n* Chromium Picolinate\n* Pyconogenol\n* Revervatrol\n* Biotin\n\n**Herbs:**\n\n* Usnea\n* Cat\u2019s Claw\n* Holy Basil\n* Astragulus\n* Astaxanthin\n* Ashwaganda\n* Black Walnut\n* Baikal Skullcap\n* Reishi mushroom\n* Milk thistle\n* Cryptoleptis\n* Ginger\n* Grapefruit seed extract\n* Juniper berries\n* Andrographis\n* Lemon Balm\n\nNotes from mom:\n\nI only started taking a majority of these beginning 11/2019. My symptoms of choking on liquids and slurred speech began back in September 2017.\n\n# EDIT 3:\n\nPathogen-associated immune reactivity screen results : [https://imgur.com/a/b4esY5g](https://imgur.com/a/b4esY5g)\n\nUrine test results  :   [https://imgur.com/a/jLpaXtJ](https://imgur.com/a/jLpaXtJ)\n\n​\n\n**Swallow results:**\n\n\\- Not aspirating or accumulating fluid in the lungs\n\n\\- Base of the tongue was determined \"weak\" which contributes to problems speaking, eating, swallowing, etc.\n\n​\n\n**my mom on the auto-immune disorder:**\n\n\"To better answer your question on autoimmune. The ANA is a high positive for general autoimmune distinction, but then they did further tests for lupus, celiac, and other particular autoimmune disorders. The only one that came back positive is for \"anticardioliphin\" antibody, which means I am prone to blood clots. Never had one though!\"\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "She's taking over 30 assorted vitamins and supplements. My first recommendation would be to stop those. The contents are minimally regulated, the quality control very poor, and the benefit even if they are what they claim to be speculative.\n\nI doubt the mycophenolate level is significant, but I would be unsurprised if there were mycophenolate in something that she's taking. Or heavy metals, which seem to be a regular contaminant. There's no reason for a laundry list of supplements: the only clear effect is to cause wallet damage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "guzowl", "comment_id": "fsnq9m4"}, {"question": "What are some definite signs it's not going anywhere?", "description": "I met my current boyfriend 11 months ago. Initially he did not want to be exclusive and I forced the issue for awhile until I gave up and left him for approximately a week. He came back to me wanting to start an exclusive relationship. \n\nIn June 2016 we became exclusive and slowly progressed. He wanted to take things extremely slow. There are certain aspects of my relationship that scream progression.  He wants to meet my family. Yet I feel used. \n\nI feel like he comes in and out of my apartment. Lives freely without the intent to make me more. I feel like I'm just someone he is with in the meantime. I feel that our relationship is simply him having a good time. \n", "answer": "if it's defined as exclusive, he should be paying more attention. rule of thumb:: if you want to be married and there's no plan after a year, it's likely never to happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdi9", "comment_id": "dc60lqk"}, {"question": "I always delete the comments I\u2019m about to make or completely rearrange what I\u2019m about to say to someone text wise.", "description": "I don\u2019t like sharing my thoughts, mostly because I think it won\u2019t matter and it always brings some type of negativity. (Not because my thoughts are bad, just because people have opinions and someone always thinks something is wrong)", "answer": "The fact that you\u2019re worried about how others will perceive your ideas is a good indication that you are thoughtful and conscientious. The internet is filled with people who hide behind their usernames projecting their insecurities onto everyone else without even having an opinion or logical idea to share. I would say the world needs more people like you to share your thoughts for discussion. To avoid sharing an idea out of fear that others may not agree or take offense is, in my opinion, an idea worth sharing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "drwytw", "comment_id": "f6mook8"}, {"question": "ADHD & Toxic Shame", "description": "(Note: this is a reply to another post, but I wanted to share it with the wider community)\n\nI've been doing a lot of research on ADHD, and the word \"shame\" keeps coming up. Like, \"[Shame can become a dominant emotion into adulthood as harsh internal dialogues, or criticism from others, becomes ingrained](https://www.additudemag.com/symptoms-of-add-hyperarousal-rejection-sensitivity/).\" \n\nI dug into \"shame\" yesterday, and was floored when I came across a type of shame called [\"toxic shame.\"](https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-toxic-shame/) Toxic shame is consistent, internalized, negative thoughts and emotions, directed at the self. It is often hidden from the conscious mind. It shapes our self-image. It can lead to depression, anxiety, codependence, and other shitty states of being. It is rooted in childhood trauma. \n\nRSD, combined with executive function challenges, makes those of us with ADHD highly susceptible to toxic shame (particularly those who had an adverse upbringing and/or were diagnosed later in life). This can lead to something called \"shame anxiety.\" We feel anxious about taking action, for fear of the RSD-supercharged-shame we would feel if we *perceive* failure. So we don't take any action at all. This anxiety-induced action-paralysis often leads to the very shame we were trying to avoid. It can easily become negative feedback loop that compounds into a profoundly negative self-image as the years go by, affecting every aspect of our lives.\n\nIt makes sense that we feel this way. Shame is a basic human emotion \u2014 it's: \"an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self, withdrawal motivations, and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness \u2026  it is the only emotion that is dysfunctional for the individual, and functional at a group level.\" [Link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame). \n\nShame is evolution's way of keeping those who violate social norms in line, in order to ensure the safety and well-being of the group. However, most modern social norms were established for neurotypicals. So those of us with ADHD who, *through no fault of our own*, find it exceedingly difficult conform to modern social norms, feel shame. RSD-enhanced shame. Often. So much so, that we internalize it. And it becomes toxic.\n\nTo me, this understanding was revelatory. Having an ADHD brain means that I *am* different than most people. And I *don't* necessarily fit into the boxes of society. And that's okay. I absolutely *do not* need to be ashamed of it.\n\nTL;DR: People with ADHD are susceptible to something called toxic shame, which can be devastating.\n\nTL;DR the TL;DR: [Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR_K7va6Wg0)\n", "answer": "This is amazing and thanks for sharing. FYI There is a book called\u201d Healing the shame that binds you\u201d by John Bradshaw. Really dives into toxic shame!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a808dy", "comment_id": "ec770q3"}, {"question": "Stopping as a college student", "description": "For a while, it was easy to convince myself that I didn't have a drinking problem. And perhaps I didn't for some period of time. However, I soon found myself myself so much looking forward to being drunk at a party, and not just for the party itself. One thing that really hit me is when one of my friends (who I also suspect of possibly having a drinking problem) said something along the lines of, \"Everyone knows you're only really going to a party to get drunk\". And I could totally relate to that, even though I doubt that's the reason most people without a drinking problem go.\n\nStarting this year (following a pretty rough break up), I've found myself drinking more and more. After turning 21, I started getting drunk to the point of passing out nearly every night. And it wasn't always that I was necessarily upset about something that day\u2014it just alleviated boredom and made watching Netflix so much easier to do.\n\nI've decided to give up drinking, but the thought really scares me. I don't know how I'm going to enjoy my life without alcohol. Especially as a college student at a pretty geographically remote university, where life is pretty much centered around \"going out\". My father is an alcoholic, as were two of my grandparents, so I certainly am genetically disposed to it.\n\nSo, I don't know what I really want in terms of replies here. Maybe some reassurance that life can be just OK without alcohol. Maybe someone with a similar experience to share a brief story and a couple of tips that have worked for you.\n\nThanks in advance, everyone. :)", "answer": "I got sober at 17 a year and a half ago. I went to AA and worked the steps and continued to work the steps. Still sober today as a result of that. Your path may be the same or it may be different, but I urge you to find some support in the form of recovery meetings.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23p77z", "comment_id": "cgzc359"}, {"question": "Could I be pregnant?", "description": "I am 26 yo f, 57kg, 165cm fall. I have an 11wo son who I am breast feeding. I got my first period 6 wks postpartum exactly. I have always had a very regular cycle. I am now 5 days late, experienced some painful cramping in the early hours of the morning 3 nights ago but nothing came. Usually when I have cramping that means I\u2019m about to get my period within the next hour. I had headaches and fatigue about a week ago. But I am taking ethymicin from a rash from pregnancy. The headaches still come sometimes. I remember this was my first symptom when I was pregnant, I went and got my eyes tested because I thought my glasses needed to be adjusted. But I\u2019ve been told how rare it is to fall pregnant while breastfeeding?", "answer": "Rare doesn't mean impossible, especially if you've been having sex without any other birth control. If you've had a period, you could easily be ovulating as well, so you could have gotten pregnant. It's at least worth a home pregnancy test.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928scl", "comment_id": "e33yuy1"}, {"question": "Are there science backed non-pharmaceutical methods of curing a hypothyroid?", "description": "Male, 26.    \n5\u20196\u201d, 196lbs.    \nOverweight. Vitals all normal. CBC and chem panel normal. In Feb, TSH was 16, but after starting levothyroxine 25mcg, it is down to the 4.xx range.    \n   \nLevo is the only medication I have ever taken. And I would really like to not take any medications... I understand how important it is to keep my thyroid in check, so I ask you docs and healthcare providers, is there a non-pharmaceutical method of correcting this new thyroid issue?    \n    \nI know I need to lose weight. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat healthier. And I want to make these changes. ", "answer": "In brief, no. There is no established way to increase thyroid function. It's possible that you had transient hypothyroidism that would self\\-correct \\(post\\-infection, for example\\) but no way to know other than monitoring.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8grfbx", "comment_id": "dye3x1e"}, {"question": "Struggling to understand what I assume to be panic attacks", "description": "(33 yr old, cauc, male, 6'2/180, CA, no previous history of GI issues.  Have been taking Tums and recently Omeprazole to offset discomfort.)\n\nOver the last few years my body/mind has triggered the onset what I assuming to be panic attacks. Symptoms include a strong pressure in my heart region and need to constantly burp to relief this pressure. My left arm (heart side) also tenses up and I usually find myself hooking this hand in my bent buckle to stabilize. I have extreme shortness of breath the entire time, despite understanding that I need to \"just breathe\" to relax. I sip tiny amounts of water during this which helps with promote the burps to relief the pressure on the heart side of my chest. The entire time I feel like my heart of going to explode at any moment. Episodes can last 30 minutes to multiple hours. The the frequency of these episodes are random, but I have found that I am sometimes prone to them after consuming the mildest spicy food, or minimal alcohol or cannabis consumption. Due to this theory I have greatly reduced any of this consumption over the last few years.\n\nI am extremely active 33 yr old male, very healthy eater, that practices lots of deep stretching and yoga exercises. I feel very minimal stress in my life other than when this occurs. I have tailored my life in all aspects to being self aware of how I am feeling to reduce the risk of these episodes.\n\nLast night I woke up after 2 hours of sleep and instantly felt like my heart was going to explode. It took 2 hours of extreme discomfort to calm down enough to go back to sleep. I woke up 5 hours later with mild discomfort and the continuous need to burp to relieve pressure in the heart side of my chest. I have continuing to work through this discomfort and I write this post.\n\nThanks in advance for listening and any advice/insight/guidance you can offer.", "answer": "Those could be panic attacks, but they're not classic, and the burping and timing with spicy food, alcohol, and cannabis makes me think that this may instead be GERD (acid reflux). Do these attacks happen more at night when you are laying down? Any sour taste in your mouth? Do Tums and/or omeprazole help?\n\nIt seems like something that you should see a doctor for. A careful history and exam might be able to clarify what's going on and guide treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cx5axd", "comment_id": "eyix8mb"}, {"question": "[32/m] Broke up with my girlfriend [25/f] and finding it hard to reconcile the potential loss", "description": "Forgive the wall of text. Though I suspect many of these posts suffer from this. Please bear with me if you can.\n\n**tl;dr: Had amazing relationship with a girl, but things went south when I let my expectations get out of hand, which slowly pushed her away and we broke up. Realize my mistake now, but worried it's too late.**\n\nI met an amazing girl about a year ago to this day, and we clicked almost instantly. We began hanging out... purely as friends for the first month or so. Then one drunken night things took an unexpected turn when, while she was helping carry some stuff back to my place, she tripped and fell. And as I helped her up we exchanged a cheesy, cliched, but endearing first kiss.\n\n**As background to both of us:** *She had just recently got out of a failed long-distance relationship, and I had slightly less recently exited a 4 year live-in relationship in which we simply fell out of love.*\n\nAfter that kiss, and a series of dates, we agreed to start officially dating. Though she had some worries. She had a deep desire to leave the country as soon as chance would allow, though was likely stuck here for at least 2-3 years in order to gather work experience. She was also obsessed with keeping herself busy at all times - Every minute needed to be productive or useful. I needed to accept that she was, for lack of better words - a busy-bee and a bit of a scatterbrain. I agreed that we should just enjoy the time we spend together, and not get bogged down in anything too serious.\n\n*Side note: In this way we were opposites that attracted, as I much prefer to be basking in the relaxing nothingness of life. And so she found a little inner-peace when she was around me, and I, in turn, became more motivated.*\n\nFast forward about 7 months. We are meeting regularly, and everything is awesome! The sex, our conversations, our social life balance. It all just clicked. It worked!\n\nThen... we decided to take a trip to Thailand together. And **that's when everything changed**.\n\nWe had an amazing time on that trip, and I recall a moment when something flipped in my head. We were *good* for each other! And I wanted to do *more* than just \"date!\" I wanted us to become even *more* serious... God... To this day I have *no idea* what \"more serious\" even entailed. I certainly wasn't wanting children, or even marriage, and neither was she. What did \"more\" mean?\n\nSo we continued just how we were, but now it never felt like it was enough for me. Examples:\n\n* She hated texting, and so would regularly take a long time to reply, or sometimes entirely ignore a question. I had no problem with this \"before\", but *now* I was expecting her to reply in at least a timely manner (like, sometime during that day), and answer a question if I asked one.\n* She was obsessed with keeping herself busy and relished the time that she was doing productive things. \"Before\" if plans would change because of her schedule, I'd take them in my stride and go about my own stuff. *Now* I was becoming upset if plans changed.\n* While we were lazing around together, she would sometimes have mini panic-attacks about all the stuff she had to get done with the remainder of the weekend. \"Before\" I would try help her or let her go, but *now* I was frustrated and jealous that she seemed to prize this other stuff over spending an afternoon with me.\n\nI am writing these points with all the 20/20 hindsight that comes with a break-up. At the time I just thought she wasn't giving enough, and I regrettably guilt-tripped her for it. Sometimes by getting sad, or frustrated, or just cold... because I felt like I was being superceeded by these other things she wanted to do.\n\nI should add - in defence of myself - that it's not like we were meeting multiple times a week during this period. We'd meet perhaps for a day and a night on the weekend, sometimes that might spill over to the whole weekend - though that was rare. I didn't *feel* as though our time together was all that time-consuming. But I was increasingly of the opinion that *she* felt our time together was time consuming.\n\nWhat I realize now is that much of this was a result of me pushing expectations on her that she never agreed upon to begin with. And while I'd have at least hoped for some compromise on her part, I can understand now that if you have X to give, you can't necessarily give more than X.\n\nWhen we decided to break up, it was of course over one of these \"not giving enough\" moments. I felt as though I had given and given, and received not enough in return. Though the hind-sight reality is that my expectations were making her push back and distance herself even further, which resulted in her giving less and less. And so my being upset would make *her* upset (because she did genuinely care about how I felt), and then she would feel bad for making me feel bad, and I would feel bad for making *her* feel bad. It was a vicious cycle that had repeated itself at least on half a dozen occasions at least, and it was finally all too much.\n\nAnd so we parted. It was heart-breaking for both of us as we knew it was such a shame that all of this was coming to an end over such a \"petty\" difference, but it seemed like the only option at the time. This all happened on Sunday. Haha, yes... very recent.\n\nOver the last few days however, I've become wracked with guilt, as I finally realized that I had become everything I didn't want to be in the last 3 or 4 months of our relationship. I had become the demanding, overbearing boyfriend that wanted everything my way. Though to be fair, what I was \"demanding\" wasn't to see her every day or anything so obsessive. No no, all I was asking for was to be able to see her on the weekend without plans changing all the time, and to be able to text/chat to her without her getting distracted by other stuff halfway through a conversation.\n\nBut what I was asking of her was simply **more than she was willing to give**. I realize this now.\n\nJust yesterday I went around to her house, and explained this realization. I felt it was important for her to know that I was essentially the cause for much of this. I also explained that I don't even know *why* that switch flipped in me. I was *so* happy with how things were before our trip, and I truly don't know why I started wanting to be more serious afterwards, and why I began demanding more. Because the **truth was that I'd have been happy to let things continue as they were**.\n\nI screwed up big-time by not putting myself in check when my expectations suddenly changed. I knew what she was willing to put in, and I ignored it. And the tragedy is, like I've said, I don't even know *why* I suddenly had these expectations when I was so happy with how things were before.\n\nWe both agree that we don't necessarily want to be out of each others life forever. I have a couple of pet ferrets that she absolutely adores. She wants to continue to be able to look after them, should I go on holiday etc. But clearly she needs time to think, and process everything that's happened. It's been an intense, stressful and emotional couple of weeks and I think she's reached her limit.\n\nBut I guess what I'm wondering is, at a cursory glance, **is there a way for this to be salvaged?** I mean, we both still have deep feelings for one-another. I'm just hoping that given enough time, something might rise back out of the ashes.\n\nIf you made it all this way, thanks for reading.", "answer": "all relationships can be renewed. just talk and see where it goes.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ubu02", "comment_id": "ddsvv8p"}, {"question": "I (M30) want to constructively communicate about responsibility with my SO (F29)", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and non-critical as I can. Examples are for clarity, not complaints.\n\nI'm getting quite frustrated with my girlfriend of ~2 years. She's a great girl by most measures, but I'm having trouble communicating my position/worries about personal responsibility with her. She's quite low-maintenance, as typical things go, so maybe I should shut up and be glad, but she's got some of what many guys may consider a childish outlook in terms of responsibility. Here are some examples of situations that bother me:\n\n1. Driving directions: many times this has happened. I'm driving, so I ask her to gps directions. She will, but not without thorough instructions. Some part of me gets to the point where I want to yell \"I can't look at the phone because I'm driving, figure it the hell out yourself!\" Worse than that, yesterday for example, I ask her to get directions and the route that google suggested was totally nonsensical, so I told her \"look at the full map and tell me where I need to go. I don't need you repeating what the gps says because it doesn't make sense, I need you to read the map.\" and she proceeded to repeat what google said. I stopped, read the map, and it was clear that the gps had me going the wrong way around 10 blocks instead of just making a right and going 2 blocks.\n\n2. Lack of car maintenance: Early in our relationship, she had a car with some miles on it. Long story short, it leaked trans fluid over time and the trans ended up grinding itself to death. She sold it for scrap and bought another car. It made awful noises and lost power on its final journey, but she seemed to have no idea. On another occasion a tire blew out on the highway (not sure if low pressure or she hit something, she claimed to not hit anything) so she drove a couple of miles to an exit before calling AAA. In both cases she paid for everything, of course. What I can't deal with is that this sort of negligence could ending up getting her or someone else hurt or costing us as a married couple because she simply has no knowledge/desire/belief that she should have to do anything to maintain her car. Everyone has the responsibility to look after their car, and I've tried telling her that you need more than just quick checkups at oil changes. I even had to teach her how to check air pressure. I'm SUPER happy to teach her anything and everything, and I'll even help change oil/whatever WITH her (not for her), but seriously, she's gone 12+ years driving cars without EVER checking her air pressure? This shit could get someone killed.\n\n3. Lack of awareness: This one came up today on a 4 hour road trip. First, she slept the whole way, made no offer to drive, didn't even say thank you for driving. Worse than that, we've been planning a birthday trip to a destination ~2 hours away, but this road trip was to the beach and she said she'd prefer to go to the beach for her birthday.  Fine, but she acts like there's no effort or cost in driving. There's seemingly zero consideration for anyone's effort. Same goes with cleaning things up around the house (she doesn't live with me, but spends almost every night at my ). Also related to driving: despite us talking about how bad it is to merge onto highway traffic slowly, she merges onto highways at speeds like 45mph. Somehow she just doesn't have a concept that what she does is wrong or not good enough.\n\n4. She gets upset REALLY easy: if I try telling her something she's doing isn't good enough, I'm just being a jerk. The crying threshold is very low in general. It seems like telling her to go figure something out on her own is an unjust imposition and knocking her down like she's not good enough. It makes things very difficult to discuss without getting her very upset. \n\nI know this seems to belong in /offmychest, but I'm only listing stories for color/clarity. To me, it screams of growing up as daddy's spoiled little girl. She's usually very low maintenance, but there are so many times where I just want to tell her that I'm not her dad and I'm not here to do everything for her and she needs to step up figure shit out on her own sometimes. I want an equal partnership more than a traditional relationship. I don't mind sometimes indulging the old-timey relationship ideals, and I don't mind playing the gentleman, but it's so hard to give more when I feel like I'm silently expected to wait on her. It makes me want to leave her behind with her arms full and let her realize she's a big girl and has to do shit. And it's usually little things on a daily basis, so I'm stuck in that place where any one thing is niggling but the whole picture adds up to a big complaint. But if you start making lists, you're an asshole. I'm made comments in the past and I'm frequently told that I'm just being mean, like me asking her to assume a duty is being mean because no one has previously asked her to have to be actually responsible for anything.\n\nTL:DR: My girlfriend is generally low maintenance but doesn't actively try very hard. If I asked her to paint a wall, I feel like I'd have to show her how to open the paint can, pour it, wet the roller, roll it on the wall, when to re-wet it, and if the wall came out bad, it was my fault for not explaining something. It makes me scared about marriage, like I'm going to have to do everything simply because she doesn't think she has to figure out anything on her own. Like the kid in school who can't do 6+5= because she was only taught how to do 5+5= in class. I want to talk constructively about this with her but I feel like I'm just going to end up being a jerk and getting mad. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "everyone has idiosyncrasies that are best ignored. save your energy for big stuff. my wife hasn't turned off a light or locked a door in 38 years. the key to ltr is letting go of the small stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7a4s", "comment_id": "dhkcoft"}, {"question": "Does anyone reccomend A.A", "description": "I feel as if it may trigger me more than help.", "answer": "If you live in a place where there are a number of meetings to choose from, try going to 6 different groups to find the one you like the best. Not all meetings are the same. Some have larger crowds, some smaller and more intimate. Usually, a group will reflect the demographics of the neighborhood. Attend a meeting near the university or on campus you\u2019re going to see more young people. It can be helpful to attend a meeting where you encounter people somewhat similar to yourself. Meeting someone like yourself who\u2019s made significant progress can be encouraging.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dwlejp", "comment_id": "f7ksb74"}, {"question": "Took one .5mg klonopin about 5 hours ago, just had a beer and a half. Forgot that took it since I haven\u2019t in awhile. Am I screwed?", "description": "So at about 4 today I took a .5mg klonopin as I was feeling really really anxious. Fast forward five hours later I\u2019m at this 4th of July celebration and had a beer and half, before it hit me I took a klonopin. I\u2019m definitely not going to drink anymore. I\u2019m 5\u201910 about 160 and hold my alcohol normally very well. Given the fact that I stop right now, I should be ok right?? Drank about 4 bottles of water prior if that helps\n\nEdit: I know people do way worse but I have pretty terrible health anxiety (hence the klonopin) which is why I\u2019m asking lol", "answer": "You'll be fine. Klonopin might accentuate intoxication, but if you just have a little bit to drink you might feel it more but won't pass out and stop breathing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8w6jja", "comment_id": "e1t3n4u"}, {"question": "Tolerant Partners/Spouses", "description": "My wife is exceptionally tolerant of my drinking which currently takes up every evening. I'll start about 6 pm and stop when I go to bed around midnight and this has been pretty much the same story for the 20 years of my marriage. She doesn't drink often, maybe 3 glasses of wine a week, but she never questions my drinking and often actually picks me up some beers without me even asking.\n\nI guess I'm finding it hard to see my drinking as a problem when it's so tolerated and condoned by someone I live with. It is a problem, hence why I'm on this sub, but the person closest to me doesn't see that.\n\nAnyone else had this - it's a weird one, I know?", "answer": "Yep.  I said some version of \"I think maybe I have a drinking problem\"  for years.  My spouse repeatedly told me, \"I don't think you're an alcoholic.  You can \\_\\_\\_\\_\\_ (various ways he had seen me moderate)\".  It wasn't until I spelled out for him just how difficult it was for me to moderate that he understood.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dmxgxp", "comment_id": "f55p2hn"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (20f) afraid to tell my parents what I really want to do after college", "description": "Hi there! \n\nSo I (20f) am going to be a senior in college in the fall, so naturally my family has been really curious as to what I want to do once I graduate. My dad (50m) and I went for ice cream the other day and sort of questioned me about it, and unfortunately he didn\u2019t really seem supportive of my ideas. This has happened before, in which my family has gotten critical of my ideas for my future, but I know it comes from a place of love rather than an effort to control me. \n\nI\u2019m a psychology major leaning towards being a guidance counselor or general counselor. Originally when I declared I wanted to be a psych major, my parents were worried. I\u2019d have to be in school for a long time, it\u2019d be expensive, why would I want to do that? Before that I had wanted to do English or graphic design and they didn\u2019t like those either, always griped I should be a woman in stem. That would be great if I were interested in stem, but like I said, I don\u2019t care if I make a crap ton of money. But my dad really wants that for me (we had money troubles when I was growing up). He was the type who went to college to get a degree in something mildly interesting just so he could make decent money. His dad was a factory worker, they grew up middle class and he just wanted to be a provider for his family. I respect his experience and choices, but that\u2019s not the kind of life I want. \n\nAnyway, I was telling my dad about what I\u2019d need to do for graduate school, how I\u2019d probably take a year off to get experience in research and save money, build my CV and all that. Of course he was concerned and asked if it was necessary, would I stay motivated, etc. I expected this, he\u2019s trying to be supportive and make sure I know what I\u2019m getting myself into. Though when I told him about being a guidance counselor, he grew skeptical. Said I should be a psychiatrist or professor, an author, literally anything else because social workers and guidance counselors don\u2019t make enough money. Yeah, I wouldn\u2019t mind teaching, but I could never do anything medical. Too squeamish. I told him I just wanted to help people, and as long as I did that in some way I\u2019d be happy. I reaffirmed it wasn\u2019t about money as long as my needs were met. Plus, I could marry rich! He laughed at that. \n\nThe real problem, however, is that I want to join the military. Both he and my mom (my mom is supportive of me, but she never went to college and doesn\u2019t really ask about my future which is fine, we just talk about other stuff) insisted when I was younger that I wouldn\u2019t join. It wasn\u2019t really a sexist thing, like \u201coh you\u2019re a woman and therefore you can\u2019t\u201d but more so \u201cwhy would you want that for yourself?\u201d So I dropped it, simply went to college like they expected me to and didn\u2019t really think about it until recently. Quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on what I want to do with my life and I realize that if I continue, knowing myself, I\u2019ll get trapped in a comfort zone and live a boring life like my father. I want to do something meaningful and sort of wild.\n\nMy reasons for wanting to go into the military are more nuanced than that, but I don\u2019t want to get into that in this post. I just know that they won\u2019t be happy, though ultimately I know it\u2019s my life so it\u2019s my choice, but I love my family and I want them to support me. Obviously I have two more semesters, thus I can\u2019t even think about enlisting until this time next year so that gives me plenty of time to explore this decision and work through it, but how do I tell them? I honestly don\u2019 think they\u2019d suspect this from me, as the last time I brought it up was casually a few years ago and I probably don\u2019t seem the type. Anyone have a similar experience? \n\nAs a side note, I\u2019m paying for college by myself. They only took out one small ($3k) loan for me and I have done the rest.", "answer": "As a clinical social worker (now practicing therapist) who was in a similar situation (my father wanted me to focus on money only) I regret nothing. I make decent money living on my own and could make more if I was in private practice  it was more important for me to love my job. \n\nI feel for you and ultimately you\u2019ll make your own choice but I wanted to say you can be successful following your passions. I did.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gpz3w8", "comment_id": "frpv96m"}, {"question": "Anyone else just really like pacing?", "description": "Tends to make others nervous, so I generally try to keep my distance from people when I do do it but when I\u2019m lost in thought I much prefer to pace rather than sit still but others often seem to misjudge this action and think I\u2019m annoyed or anxious when I do this for some reason.", "answer": "I believe what you are doing is self-regulating through movement, which stimulates the sympathetic nervous system.  Rocking provides a similar relief, engaging our bodies safety systems.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ewekjc", "comment_id": "fg27o7u"}, {"question": "I physically abused my gf for the 2nd time while drunk", "description": "Just wanted to hear a few opinions on what Ive done. I'm sure you will all be honest.\n\nChristmas eve I got black out drunk and threw my gf about. She says I also bite her! And this isn't the 1st time I've done it I done it around a year ago (also black out drunk, i know it's no excuse!) not as bad but enough for her to leave me. I promised I would get the help the 1st time and she came back but I didn't go through with it and it resulted in it happening again. \n\nI know this is no excuse but I had a pretty bad childhood and got beaten by my dad. I've started councilling since Christmas and have made great progress but I still feel really guilty for what I done to her. It's still eats me up inside and I know it always will!! Obviously I've tried to get her back but she doesn't want to which I completely understand but it doesn't change the fact I love her and want to make everything right. My councillor says I need to be honest because that's what resulted in me letting my anger out when I had no control due to drink (I bottled my childhood up for years and never spoke about it) but when I message her telling her what I feel it feels like I'm being selfish and not letting her move on . I know I should leave her alone but I know we had something really special and it kills me my denial has ruined that. Straight after she said we could work it out and get help together because she's also been abusive to me in the past. She attacked me with a knife, but that's not what this post is about.\n\nIts been 2 month now and i basically don't know what to do anymore and would like some feedback please. Cheers ", "answer": "Research the cycle of violence. You trying to get her back is you honeymooning her to get back with you. It's unfair to her, and is abusive. \n\nHer decision to leave you is her choice that she is allowed to make, and you need to decide if you're going to continue attacking her for that choice by doing what you're doing.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5yd5wy", "comment_id": "dep4c2h"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [19M] and I [19F] have been together for over three years. He's an atheist and I'm Christian, the longer we date the bigger of a problem it becomes. Does anyone know if we can make it work?", "description": "We start dating in high school and I think we both figured it wouldn't go anywhere so religious differences wouldn't be important. But as time went on, we obviously got more serious. We both love a good debate, and religion would get brought up and it always ended with me being very offended.  He always wondered how someone \"so smart could believe something so archaic\"\n\nWell we put religion aside, saying we would talk about it when it became an issue. Well now here we are, occasionally imaging our future together, and it's getting really complicated. \n\nIf we stay together, he wants religion to have no part in our wedding, our house, or in our potential children's lives. I've tried to come up with compromises. Maybe we get married by a pastor but not in a church? And maybe there can be an absolute minimal reference to anything religious in the ceremony? And in our home, I wouldn't seek out religious decorations, of course. But what about things I already own, with sentimental value. Like a painting with the lyrics to \"Amazing Grace\" on it that my grandma bought me? Or a little cross from my godparents? He suggested I have a \"religion room\" for these things, where it's only for me and anything religious does not leave the room because he doesn't want it in his house. And if we had kids. I've said I wouldn't make them go to church, they'd be welcome if they wanted. But I'd love them to be baptized. And he says no to that. He says no to any reference to religion. I cannot tell the hypothetical children anything about religion, or God, or Jesus, things that are all so important to me. He says I cannot brainwash the children. I just don't know how you can compromise on exposing a child to a religion but also not, in his words, \"brainwashing\" them. \n\nAnd today, in the conversation that prompted this post, he told me he doesn't, and will never, respect my religion. Am I overreacting for thinking that's a big deal? CN you have a successful relationship if one of the people disrespects a fundamental part of the other's identity?\n\nOur relationship is really great other than this, which is why we avoided the issue so long, and now it just seems massive. I really hope someone out there has some kind of advice. Is there a compromise we might be missing? Some perspective for one or both of us? We both really want it to work out but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can. \n\nAnd please, if you have any negative opinions about my religion, please save your time. I've a lot about what an idiot I am for believing it. How small minded and naive I must be. So please only contribute if it's actual advise about the relationship. \n\nTl;dr boyfriend and I have been together three years and are starting to legitimately talk about our future together. He's and atheist, I'm a Christian, and we've so far been unable to come up ugh compromises for how we live a life together. Any help?", "answer": "it won't work if your respective beliefs are the most important thing in the world to you.  anything below 'the most important thing' improves your chances commensurately", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5puirz", "comment_id": "dctyxam"}, {"question": "Is your music taste all over the place?", "description": "I find myself listening to a large variety of music at seemingly random times... I started off listening to that k/da league of legends song, then fireflies by owl City, then the scarecrow by Anastasia, and I can keep going on and on... Techno, more metal, Mexican corridos, pop, rap, Yugioh soundtrack \ud83d\udc40... Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "I actually find an artist I like and will listen to nothing but that artist for months. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a8pau9", "comment_id": "ecco6xr"}, {"question": "Talk me out of hitting the bottle today. Just been thrown another curveball from the Universe.", "description": "I'm in tears. I'm distraught. \n\nMy daughter is 17 weeks pregnant. She lost a baby earlier this year and was broken hearted. \n\nAt today's check up they can't find a heartbeat. She can't lose this baby. She can't go through this again. As her Mum I can't watch her in that pain again. I hate life right now. She's a good, kind hearted girl. She doesn't deserve this pain. \n\nShe's at the hospital waiting for a scan. I'm atheist but I just fell to my knees and prayed. Please if there is a God, show my baby girl some mercy. \n\nIf this baby is gone too I'll drink. I know I will. I can't handle this pain. Need your prayers, support etc more than ever. I can't stop crying. \n\nUPDATE: the baby is fine. He/she was laying funny but because daughter is high risk it all hot scary. Phew! Now I want champagne to celebrate but instead I will have soda. I guess I was triggered to old habits for a second. I will learn from this. Drinking wouldn't have helped one tiny bit. Thank you for putting up with me today. ", "answer": "Wherever you think you can't get to tomorrow, write yourself a message from tomorrow. Really write it from yourself tomorrow. First as yourself that did drink and then as yourself that didn't. Then keep those notes nearby. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5enc1t", "comment_id": "dae48ie"}, {"question": "After being depressed as hell for two years, I am finally trying to improve my life but it's not working. I get more discouraged every day. (long rant enclosed)", "description": "A couple years ago I hurt my back at work, and now after multiple surgeries for herniated discs I can't do any of the jobs I have experience in, so after working shit jobs for 15 years, where I had reached the point where I was making three or four dollars over minimum wage, I now have to start all over again. \n  \nI've sent out a ton of applications but there doesn't seem to be any minimum wage, no-experience-required job that doesn't involve heavy lifting. I have absolutely no experience in any type of work where you get to sit down, and I look like a white trash piece of shit and have no personality whatsoever, so there's no chance of getting a job via charisma alone.\n  \nI'm receiving 600 dollars a month from Worker's Compensation, but that is set to end early next year. Right now I am renting a room in a disgusting moldy house full of drug addicts because it's all I can afford. I haven't even looked for a job until about a month ago, because I was depressed as hell and feeling sorry for myself all the time. I quit smoking pot (which I would advise *all* depressed persons to do if they smoke it), got back in touch with some friends I had drifted away from, started eating healthier, all that jazz, and these things have helped my frame of mind but I am still very discouraged at my life's situation and it's very hard to have hope for the future.\n  \nI don't receive any encouragement or support from anyone in my life. Everyone I interact with seems like they're in a mad hurry to just be rid of me. I've been studying programming while I've been unemployed, and I've actually made decent progress and created a couple things I'm quite proud of, but when I try to show them to friends/family it's like they go out of their way to ignore me. I also make music, and I try to show that to people as well, but it's the same deal. \n  \nI know it doesn't matter what other people think, and all that jazz, but it's still very discouraging. I feel like I don't receive the common courtesy that would normally be given to *strangers*, even from my closest friends and family. They *know* my life has been shit the last couple years, and they *must* know *a single kind word* would do wonders for my outlook, but again, it's literally as though they go out of their way to be as indifferent as possible toward me. I was really excited about programming when I first started, and I thought I was pretty good at it, but I can feel the enthusiasm just draining away with each day that passes. I know I shouldn't care, and I shouldn't need encouragement from other people to be inspired, but I can't help it.\n  \nI\"m not sure what the point of all this is. I guess I just thought my life would improve once I was less depressed, but I found that it's still the pile of shit that it was, I am the same shitty person, and the only difference is that I *care more now*, which is hardly an improvement, is it? \n  \nI just have no one to talk to about any of this, I guess. When I've tried I've only received indifference or \"tough love\", which is horseshit and not helpful at all. If you read all of this, I really appreciate it.", "answer": "First of all, congrats on the progress that *you* have made. Here's what I see:\n\n* you're committed, you worked somewhere for 15 years\n* you quit smoking pot, which *you* realized wasn't helping you\n* you reconnected with people \n* you started taking better care of yourself \n* you're freaking studying, learning something new, and working toward building a new career for yourself \n\nI see you as a very competent and self-motivated person. Don't beat yourself up for wanting encouragement. We humans are social beings, we need some level of positive interaction. \n\nHave you ever thought about volunteering until you find a job? I've found that you typically meet caring and resourceful people through volunteer work. It also might do you good to feel appreciated and recognized for making positive changes in your life and the lives of others. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28ni0p", "comment_id": "cicm12v"}, {"question": "Dealing with the suicide of a very close family member.", "description": "I\u2019m 20. My little brother was 14. He took his way out a few days ago. The reasons are still unknown. He was the closest person to me. No one else knew me better and vice versa. We grew up together and had the most close brother-to-brother bond. Often he told me how important I was to him and how he looked up to me. No one saw this coming.\n\nHe was always as energetic and cheerful as a human being can be. He never really showed signs of any serious mental illness/struggle.\n\nWe are all still in shock. We are being dragged through Hell and back right now. I don\u2019t even have the words to describe this pain.\n\nI want to know if anyone here has had to deal with the loss of a very close person. What helped you recover? What stages did you go through between shock and recovery? Do you have any advice for me to help me feel better? I need sympathy/empathy.\n\nAlso to the actual therapists, what advice would you give me? I have been ignoring the place and house my brother took his life in. I am even considering moving out of the whole city. Do you think this is good for my recovery or should I go there even if I don\u2019t want to? Will going there help me or do the opposite? It would mean the world to me right now if just even one person would reach out and try to help.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "I'm so sorry. The loss of a sibling to suicide is excruciating. Please see a professional to deal with your grief,  especially since your support system is also likely in deep grief.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h0wknm", "comment_id": "ftou126"}, {"question": "How can I get a slightly special needs person to leave me alone?", "description": "Ok, so I just started going to college and one of the people among my little friend group has kind of gotten \\*really\\* attached to me. As in, when I'm walking around in between classes or in the commons area working or relaxing between classes, he will \\*always\\* manage to find me. \n\nI don't mind him too much as he is genuinely a fun guy to talk to sometimes, but \\*God\\*, I just want to write in peace! I want to be able to talk to one of my friends or study without him showing up and talking to me about memes and video games and Magic: The Gathering the entire time! I would love to talk about these sorts of things in the game room or when I'm free, but it feels like he's following me sometimes or that he has a crush on me?\n\nI've tried to just tell him that I'm studying, but he takes that as an invitation to sit down with me and talk to me while I'm working on things. He has mentioned that he's autistic and after talking about him to one of my friends, they said he doesn't many friends. If that wasn't true, I'd just tell him to stop fucking following me, but I don't want to hurt his feelings and possibly have problems with my other friends. Again, he's also genuinely fun to hang out with sometimes, I just want to tell him to leave me alone sometimes without coming off like a bitch?", "answer": "The thing with many people on the ASD spectrum is that they aren't always aware of some of the social \"rules\" that most people take for granted. So if you don't say something, he may never know that there is a problem. Even \"hints\" may not work. DISCLAIMER: I am an internet stranger and I don't know this guy's history, so take with a grain of salt.\n\nI would recommend being honest, direct but fair, and reassuring. You could say to him for example, \"Hey, I'm glad to see you, but I really need to focus on studying right now so I can't talk. We can talk in the game room later today if you want.\"\n\nIf he's redirecting conversations, you could say \"Hey we were just talking about (something else) actually.\"\n\nDepending on how well he knows you - you may want to sit him down at some point and explain that you enjoy his company, but you just don't want to talk about Magic or memes or whatever quite as much as he does, so you would appreciate a break. Maybe designate a certain hangout time to talk games and stuff instead of doing it constantly. HOWEVER you have to be careful if you want to do this as you don't want to hurt his feelings - but, it may be helpful for him if he had someone there for him to teach him about social situations and how far is too far - of course, I don't know his situation so maybe not. He may have had some bad experiences with friends in the past, too.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "euu809", "comment_id": "ffrkz40"}, {"question": "I have Munchhausen Syndrome. Please help.", "description": "I decided to post on here because I can't find much info on Munchhausen's online and I'm at my wits end and I really need to put a stop to this. I am 25 years old. Female. I believe I've had Munchhausen's syndrome since early adolescence and I have never told anyone about it. It's humiliating and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop myself. It is like a compulsion. I was diagnosed at 4 years old with stage 4 cancer. Considered terminal for some time. I was in active treatment from 4 to 6 years old. I think having a life-threatening illness at such a formative age really messed me up mentally. I love the role of \"patient\". It is comforting and familiar to me. Through my entire childhood I was in and out of hospitals and I enjoyed it. The reasons for me being sick were legitimate. I still have late-effects from my cancer treatment, however I am pretty healthy. Since my teen years I've been exaggerating or completely making up symptoms to get attention from my family and from doctors. I now work in health care and it's only gotten worse. I have taken medications to induce symptoms that otherwise I wouldn't have. I have tampered with tests. If you look up Munchhausen syndrome signs online, I have them all. I don't think anyone knows that I have this problem. I am an expert liar and manipulator. I am able to go long periods of time without acting on my \"compulsions\" and staying out of hospitals, but during these times I'm severely depressed. But sometimes I can't help it. I know it's wrong. I feel intense guilt. I am disgusted with my actions. I have previously attempted suicide because of it. How do I stop my behavior? I don't even know my first step. Can this be treated? Please help - I hate being like this. ", "answer": "Firstly, there's no reason to be upset with yourself. You have a mental disorder. A LOT of people do, and yours is no different. What you're dealing with is just as much in your control as depression or anxiety would be. You didn't ask for it, and it's pretty clear you want to change things. You aren't even doing anything wrong.\n\nReally there's only one solution. Look up your insurance, and find a therapist that's covered. Meet with them, feel if it's a good fit, and starting attending. This is all related to when you were a kid, which a therapist will know EXACTLY how to help you with. Trust me.\n\nI know it feels like a lot right now, but I can promise you what you're dealing with is extremely treatable. All it takes is that first step.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5n27g4", "comment_id": "dc90t7i"}, {"question": "Hoping to get an opinion on the affect of anti-depressants or other medication on an adolescent.", "description": "I am a 16 year old caucasian male, 6'0\" and 105 lbs (I know that's not a healthy BMI), and I have been having serious issues functioning due to psychological issues. Normal teenager stuff, but it makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning because of feelings of anxiety and uselessness.\n\nI need something to help cope with these problems, however I am concerned that anti-depressants might be the wrong choice or would have other effects which could be detrimental to my overall health.\n\nI was hoping that a neurologist or psychologist could give me some insight on this.\n\nAlso going to my parents or a doctor in person is not an option, and I don't feel comfortable explaining why here so please don't make that suggestion.\n\nI realize that this sub Reddit isn't a good alternative but I don't really have another option and at least I can get an informal opinion here so I'm better educated on my choices.\n\nThank you.\n\nOhh and I don't use any drugs for medical or recreational purposes.", "answer": "There's certainly not enough here to make a diagnosis, which would be necessary to figure out treatment. Antidepressants might be the right choice or the wrong choice. They are very widely used and very safe, but they aren't free of side effects. Psychotherapy might be helpful, but it's a big commitment in terms of time and money, and again it depends on more details than really can or should be shared over Reddit.\n\nIf you can't see a doctor it's moot, really, because you also can't get antidepressants or any other medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "89lydf", "comment_id": "dwrwqxt"}, {"question": "I will inevitably be cut off from my family for not having kids, and it's really sapping my motivation", "description": "Background:\n\nI'm very fortunate in many ways. I have my health, a wife who wants the best for me, wealthy parents and even though I got fired from my job a couple months ago, I kind of fell into something else that's more lucrative and I seem to have an aptitude for, even if it's not my dream career or anything. I make good, not great, money and can work from home much of the time.\n\nI realize most of you don't think I have real problems given that, and that's fair. People shouldn't feel sorry for me. But just want to vent.\n\nI've always been afraid of getting out of my comfort zone and I hate uncertainty, which is a major reason I don't want kids. It's also probably held me back in my career, because I want to take the bird in hand. I'd much rather be an employee than a boss, which is the exact opposite of my Type A father and brother, both of whom have kids and radiate confidence. They also make more money than me and will always because they take risks.\n\nMy family cares about nothing more than carrying on the lineage and having many children. I don't like kids and the thought of having to raise and finance one is the scariest thing ever. I'd rather travel with my wife. My wife doesn't want kids either, but if she did I'd oblige, and basically be in white-knuckled panic for 18 years. But that's neither here nor there.\n\nThis is naturally causing a lot of strain with my family, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be cut out of the will and miss out on a seven-figure inheritance. I've tried to kind of have it both ways and kick the can down the road, but my parents (and grandmother) are on to me and accuse me of being a \"taker.\" My siblings will throw me under the bus in a split second too.\n\nIt's not my money and they can do whatever they want, but the thought of me having to grind it out for the next several decades while my siblings get to have easy lives is not pleasant. I manage to keep it together at work, but it's a constant fight to get out of bed and get things done. And after being fired from my last job because I failed still stings. I've been laid off before for reasons that had nothing to do with me and didn't take it personally. This one was personal.\n\nI've been going to therapy, but it just feels like I'm throwing good money after bad. I'm mid-30s, and my dad jokingly asked me if I'd rather be his age (mid-60s) with $10 million in the bank versus my situation. It was obviously the former, and he (and my therapist) thought that was silly.\n\nI'm just kind of stuck. I don't want to kill myself, but I'm not really looking forward to grinding it out and being stressed out for another 40-50 years or so. I have very low confidence in my ability to earn significantly more than I do now (about $100K), and if something unexpected happens like a health situation for me or my wife, we're totally fucked. And walking on eggshells around my parents and kind of waiting for them to die is not a good look. My wife and I are barely being intimate anymore because I have been in a despondent mood, and it's probably only a matter of time until she bails.\n\nI guess my question is, how do I find that inner strength to persevere. I've always been the type of person who folds at the first sign of adversity and I really admire those people who fail at 14 startups before the 15th hits it big. I've already kind of resigned myself to the fact that my parents will resent me and penalize me financially and I'll never retire.\n\nI know it's about the journey, not the destination, but I feel like I'll never be at the destination I want, and the journey will be full of stress. Is there a way to minimize stress and find happiness? Going through the motions just seems pointless.\n\nAnyway, sorry for the long post but wanted to get this off my chest", "answer": "You shouldn\u2019t be forced to have children if you don\u2019t want to.  No one should be forced to be a parent.  If you\u2019re instincts are telling you not to have kids, listen.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9wuuiv", "comment_id": "e9ngimt"}, {"question": "Baclofen and Subutex", "description": "I'm stuck on subutex and boy do I regret it. I got addicted to Tramadol 12 years ago. i decided I should get off, and the doctor put me on subutex. i regret that so much, but alas, that's where I'm at. I've been on it for 4 years now, afraid to get off from all the stories.\n\nanyway, here's my question. I was prescribed baclofen 20mg for back spasm (sciatic nerve problem) and I am afraid to take it.\n\nif I understand right if you take some druge while on subutex it can throw you into withdrawal. I'm terrified of that, but I desperately need relief from this pain.\n\nis this something to worry about? i'm not even a little worried about getting hooked, i just want to make sure there's no interaction worry", "answer": "Baclofen isnt an opiate, so you're fine.\n\nInteresting thoughts on your journey on Subutex - you may well be right, through it would also be interesting to wonder what your life be like if you weren't on it - either self-detoxed and well, or in a downward spiral towards death.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xm6jy", "comment_id": "d6gvvnm"}, {"question": "A bit about how the government almost got me killed and raped, and why I can't work with my Dad or go back to school. [rant]", "description": "I posted this in response to someone on askreddit, but I felt like posting it here. I have a lot of anxiety issues and I decided to subscribe to this subreddit so I can rant occasionally, and also talk to people who go through similar things. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I've been down on myself since forever because I can't work. I dropped out of school when I was 15. Anyways...\n\nThe last week has been full of flashbacks and shit. Basically the government was responsible for putting me in a situation where I was almost killed and raped and I am very traumatized, and my government paid therapist quit seeing me because she is a shitty therapist and I have nowhere to turn to so I'm almost literally rotting away, at least my teeth are. I have had a sinus infection since november and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get really sick and die soon.\n\nI'm just high functioning autistic. I need help and the government isn't helping me except they pay for my house and that's it. My social worker doesn't even phone me she wouldnt know if I died.\n\nI tried working but the PTSD stopped me because my dad works in a store that has a major trigger. Box cutter/retractable blade reminded me of someone who used to slit his wrists to get a reaction out of us, and 2x4 reminded me of when the same guy would ge tlocked in a theraputic queit room to stop him from attacking us and a 2x4 was jammed in the ahllway to stop the door from busting out. I can't go back to school because someone I met in group therapy for aspergers tried to get me in the bathroom so he could rape me. My occupational therapist ditche dme because I was trying to go to the dentist so my sinus infection and rotting teeth would be fixed before I went to school.\nI can't really afford to pay for a new therapist on my own. All the government paid ones were shit to me.\n\nI'd be able to work with my dad if that wasn't the case, but it is and it's all due to really shitty therapists and health care system! I don't care if I take money from the government or if people think I'm a lazy stoner, because I know myself why I can't work or go back to school.\n\n(I don't actually smoke weed I just like the word stoner.)\n\n", "answer": "While of course it is impossible to tell via reddit, you seem to be a bit manic. Consider going to a hospital.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y6zvk", "comment_id": "c5tb61k"}, {"question": "I can't have sex with my partner", "description": "I'm 22 and I've been with my boyfriend for about 1,5 years. I feel like we can truly connect emotionally. In the beginning, we had lots of sex and I truly enjoyed it.\n\nBut for the past year ish, I've been feeling so tense around him and about sex. Suddenly in my mind, he sees me as a sex object. This is not true by any means. But whenever he kisses me or grabs my butt or calls me hot I just feel icky. I feel like he's using my body as a hole where he can get off.\n\nAgain, this isn't actually true when you look at the facts. But sometimes it's like I can't even go on a romantic dinner with him because in my mind he's just waiting to get home and get me undress as a reward for being with me for two hours at a restaurant. \n\nThe only times I can have sex is when I'm drunk or high. And yes, it's normal to want to have sex when you're intoxicated but it's maybe not normal to *only* want it then. These are the only occassions where I don't feel like I'm stuck in my own head with his (assumed by me) expectations.\n\nWhenever I bring this up he feels accused of being an animal. Which is What I sometimes feel he is. Bur then my mind goes into splitting and I despise him even more for just talking back instead of listening and try to work with me.\n\nAdvice?", "answer": "If you have ever been sexually assaulted I would seek a trauma-focused therapist in your area. \n\nIf not, could just be fear of intimacy. Either way you can work it out! Good luck!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6hlx5h", "comment_id": "dizcmnu"}, {"question": "Doctor insisted I get shots non-related to my illness while I\u2019m already suffering from a bacterial infection, logical?", "description": "I have a bacterial infection in my right armpit, not life threatening but painful and gross nonetheless. I went in to get an antibiotic and he kept suggesting to get the Flu/HPV/Other shots that I was eligible for that day. Is that logical of him to suggest since the shots essentially infect me while I am trying to overcome a current one?", "answer": "Yes, it makes sense. Unless you are seriously systemically sick there are few reasons not to get recommended vaccines.\n\nMost shots don't infect you, and the ones that do infect you with attenuated versions that don't make you sick. You can feel sick because of the immune response, but more immune response isn't going to hurt you when you're sick from something else.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ab8yuh", "comment_id": "ecydk4e"}, {"question": "I was a victim of a horrible online cyber bullying attack I want family and friends to have my back.", "description": "Nearly 200 people commented with a majority of the comments with name calling and hate speech.  \n\nIdiot \nStupid \nDumbass \nDumbf*** \n\nEverything I see on Facebook reminds me of it. \nEverything I see on Instagram reminds me of it.\nEverything I see on Netflix reminds me of it. \nEverything I see on Twitter reminds me of it. \nEverything I watch on YouTube reminds me of it. \n\nI can't keep living like this. \n\nI am back on my anti depressants atleast. \n\nFluoxetine (AM) and Risperidone (PM). \n\nDespite some of the really nasty comments, alot of them were actually reality mild \n\nJust everything reminds of this horrible social media event with Strangers who were mostly American.  Our Canadian Gun Laws are very different were not everyone can get a gun without special licensing and training. \n\nI suffer several Mental Health Issues. \n\nIf See Attractive Caucasian Women with guns and Imagine them making fun of me. \n\n\"Oh Yeah, that (spells my name) I'd shoot that r*****. \n\nI'm just a 24/m trying to live my life.", "answer": "I'm not trying to minimize what you're experiencing, and I'm sorry about what happened to you, but, in the grand scheme of things, 200 people is a small group of bored people.  It didn't go viral and, honestly, most of those people have probably forgotten about whatever it is you posted.  While it certainly sounds like you feel you were personally attacked, do you think you're giving those people your power to allow them to hurt you?  You are giving them much more credit than they deserve.  Reserve your power for yourself.  \n\nUnfortunately, if you do not feel that you are mentally tough enough to endure the incessant drama, criticism, and attacks on social media, or if it is too triggering, perhaps you should take a break.  Live your life IRL.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "egw8sd", "comment_id": "fcamhr3"}, {"question": "Am I Verbally Abusive?..", "description": "Tl;dr at bottom\n\nMy fiance [22/M] and I [20/F] got in an \"argument\" this morning when I woke up and found out that he accidentally set the thermostat to 61F last night because he didn't turn on the light to check what he was looking at. Just a little background info, we live in Texas and it's still hot outside (roughly 70F - 80F every night) we try to keep the thermostat on 74F because we are college students and don't have much income from our part-time jobs. \n\nLast night he was feeling hot and went to turn down the thermostat and turned it down too low because he didn't turn on the light to check it. I woke up this morning thinking that a cold front had finally come in to relieve us of the aching heat and he told still groggy, still laying in bed, barely awake me that he had turned it down to 61F last night on accident. I said \"WHAT?\" and immediately covered my eyes in frustration with him. \n\nIt has been an ongoing discussion between us that we don't have money and we're penny pinching every paycheck just to afford food and gas. I asked him how he managed to do that and he admitted that he didn't look. This really frustrated me guys. My parents grew up really poor and we would never even allowed to touch the thermostat because even one degree cooler in Texas in the summer heat can add a tremendous amount of money to our bill.\n\nHe didn't know this of course. He said \"How bad can it be?\" Of course. He grew up comfortably without ever having to worry about things like that. And even now, I'm the one who pays the bills. We both work, but the budget is my responsibility because he doesn't know how to 'manage' his finances. \n\nI get really upset with him. I'll admit that maybe I was a little harsh. I said things like \"You were too lazy to turn on the light to look at the thermostat.\" I yelled at him and told him that I feel like from the moment I wake up I am putting out his fires. I'm doing his homework on occasion because he doesn't bother to look ahead. And that he doesn't think about how his actions will affect me. And that I really didn't want my parents to be right about him and our relationship, but he makes it increasingly difficult for me to stand up to them when he makes dumb mistakes like this so frequently.\n\nHe was quiet the whole time looking away from my eyes, not saying anything. And then he just said \"Enough! You're being to harsh. I already apologized. What else do you want from me? You're verbally abusing me!\" I was appalled by this. I admit maybe I was being harsh, but I can't tell you how often stuff like this happens with him and I don't feel like I can even get upset with him without his pride getting hurt and him shutting off from me.\n\nIt's not the first time he accused me of verbally abusing him. I looked it up after he left to work to see if I really was and I was blinded to it. I couldn't really find any good info. I don't feel like I was. I was yelling at him and telling him how I feel and that he's lazy... But I was abused before so maybe that desensitized me? \n\nPlease help. I am so confused if I am in the wrong and verbally abusive. Or if he just doesn't want confrontation and believes it's because I am. Sorry about formatting. I am new to posting on reddit.\n\n\n\n**Tl;dr** : My fiance[22/M] accused me[20/F] of verbally abusing him today because he mistakenly turned the thermostat way too low. I felt like I was just yelling and saying things that people say in arguments like \"you're lazy.\", \"There's a pattern to your mistakes.\" \"It makes me feel like you don't value my hard work in keeping our budget low.\" I don't deny I was yelling at him, but I don't think anything I said was \"putting him in a corner\" or verbally abusive. But I don't know if it is just because I am desensitized to previous experiences I have had with someone abusive.\n\n\n\nEdit 1: He also told me \"at least I told the truth. I could've lied but I didn't.\"\n\nEdit 2: formatting\n\n\nEdit 3: I see now that there are a lot of things I have to work on. I over reacted and behaved in a way that wasn't productive. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice! It really helped open my eyes to his point of view and to the things that I need to improve on!", "answer": "most define verbal abuse as name calling and swearing. but constant yelling is abusive too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74gify", "comment_id": "dny9w10"}, {"question": "Today I finally went to my school's therapist.", "description": "After so many years of self doubting, and my mom telling me it was a waste of time and money, that mental illnesses aren't real and that they're \"just a phase\", today I was able to go and talk to my school's therapist, thanks to a little push from my friends.\n\nI still feel as if I'm dreaming and this is all just my imagination, I never thought I would ever be able to talk to somebody about my issues, and I'm so glad I did.\n\nShe told me to go back next week, and that she wants us to work together in getting me better.\n\nI'm extremely excited! I finally did it!!! This is the first step on my journey to a healthier life!!!", "answer": "Also a therapist, and have been in therapy over the years myself. You can and will get better! You don\u2019t have to suffer. Doing my own therapy and having therapists who were dedicated to helping me is what inspired me to become a therapist and give back in a meaningful way.\n\nI wish you the best of luck! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atdqhj", "comment_id": "eh1ave5"}, {"question": "[Help] Pushing myself to work hard and improve", "description": "So ill make this question short. When you aren't very good at something but want to improve, how do you convince your pessimistic self to dedicate time to study, practice, and learn strategies or things you should be doing?\n\n\nThe following is just an example. You don't have to read it.\n\nSorry if this is confusing, ill make a personal example. I have gotten back into playing League of Legends recently, and i wanted to try out ranked mode. After multiple losses and losing my lane (top lane), it became obvious to me that I havent been playing right nor getting the right items. When i realized this, suddenly two options appeared in front of me. \n\nOption 1: spend some of your precious free time to watch videos, go into bot matches and practice until you have improved your gameplay.\n\nOption 2: Quit, lay in bed and wallow in self-pity and think about why i am like this, and why am i not talented like other people. And cry.\n\n\nOption 1 is the obviously the best choice with the best outcome. However, for me, its not that simple. I start leaning toward Option 2 because it is something i am used to, and because i keep convincing myself that taking time learn something will be a waste of time and also takes effort. These two options also appear when looking at exercising and losing weight, and studying for exams.\n\nSo i want to know how a stubborn depressed  person is able to push themselves to do option 1?", "answer": "1) Stop comparing yourself to other people. The only person you need to beat is your *past self*... because if you do, you're improving!\n\n2) Take it one step at a time. Make a list of things that could help you improve. Narrow it down to things you can accomplish (easily), then break it down further. Maybe watch one video a day. Maybe spend one game in bots per day. Or set a certain amount of time, like 1 hour per every other day or whatever schedule works for you.\n\nUltimately getting better at league isn't all that important but being able to accomplish a goal for yourself is. But reframe the goal a bit - it's not about hitting Gold or Plat or Diamond or whatever... it's about putting in that practice work every single day.\n\nCheck out r/thexeffect. It's a tool to help build good habits and stay on track to reach your goals. If you want to change, you can't expect a huge turnaround in one day - you have to build up a habit over time, so you don't get overwhelmed and eventually it'll be easy because you always do it.", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "77e54t", "comment_id": "dolmpvi"}, {"question": "I just did a very bad thing to a very bad person, was it so wrong?", "description": "She got what she deserved, and at that, she got off lucky.  It wasn't subjective.  It was sick what she did.  She was manipulative, socipathic, and amongst her zero remorse she faked suicide attempts, ruined possessions, friendships, etc.\n\nI didn't do this for retribution.  It was my moral obligation.  I won't go into specifics, because you don't want to know.  Simply put: I hurt the sociopath, bad, and I gave her a taste of her own medicine.  I enjoyed it, too.  Maybe too much.  Sometimes I lost focus of how I was simply trying to mitigate the future harm she would cause and I just started to indulge upon the joy of squeezing her windpipe closed (metaphorically).\n\nNot asking for forgiveness.  But I felt compelled and it feels justified.  It's only worrisome that I enjoyed it.  Somehow I wonder if I am any better than her.", "answer": "Maybe it\u2019s just balance. I kinda lived vicariously through your story a little. I\u2019m always the nice, pushover, and this year I let someone have it. Really laid in to them and made them feel small. At the time it felt great, freeing. It ended up getting me in trouble in a way that I would\u2019ve seen coming, if not blinded by vengeance. I paid my dues and it\u2019s over now, but in hindsight it wasn\u2019t worth it. Which is a shame, because she suckkkkkked. And I truly don\u2019t usually feel that way about people. Sounds like you don\u2019t either. Just know the world needs people who knock others off their pegs when they need it. They may (hopefully) be a better person because of it and it be a catalyst for change \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffd\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aiw9hj", "comment_id": "eeqzwf6"}, {"question": "I find it hard to emotionally comfort people who aren't sexual partners?", "description": "I can easily comfort an upset partner. I can hug them hold their hand and tell them that things are going to be ok. But I find that I can't comfort people I have normal friendships with yet it seems normal people are able to do that. I feel icky if I as so much put my hand on their back. It sucks because I really want to learn how to comfort people but it just makes me feel sick. Is it do with the lack of empathy thing?", "answer": "You may have some ptsd-like reaction to crossing boundaries with people? I fear being or acting out in front of someone I'm not as comfortable with. Or like, will be careful not to cross boundaries because I so easily can", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c88l56", "comment_id": "esl39vd"}, {"question": "(NEED ADVICE) ADHD - lack of focus/motivation & depressed. Tried WB/Concerta/Ritalin", "description": "Hello,\n\nI always had big problems focussing or remembering things in school/university. I guess the only reason I was able to pass them was being smart and making up for it. But as long as I can remember I have a super hard time focussing even only for 15minutes. \n\nGet easily distracted, sidetracked. Impulsive, hard to motivate, to get going and stay in one task. Its impossible. Im 32 now. Back then nobody ever thought of getting me diagnosed. \n\nWell so far I've been diagnosed now with ADHD - still not finding the right help tho. \n\nI tried Wellbutrin (helped a bit with motivation & focus but only a bit)\nRitalin (helped a bit but made me feel weird and addicted and always gave me headaches / crashes)\nConcerta (also headaches and had less effect then the Ritalin 10mg RX) \n\nI feel a bit lost. I would like to try Adderall, because I see it seems to be the best choice for more people, but in my country it isnt available. \n\nMy doc says we can still try Strattera, but I see very bad reviews (5.2/10) average on drugs.com. So what Im asking here I guess is, if anyone has same experiences and could maybe point me into the right direction or give me a tip whast to do/try.\n\nThank you\n\n\nEDIT: WORST PART - im always SUPER lethargic and tired. Never full of energy. NEVER. I dont know when last time I woke up and thought \"yeah im full of energy\". Like literally not in 20years. ", "answer": "Hey! I just got diagnosed last week (I'm 28). I wanted to start on Concerta, but my insurance said they don't cover stimulants for anyone over age 17, so I started on Strattera.\n\nI just wanted to offer that I'm doing alright on it after a week. There are some side effects, and I'm patiently waiting it out. If you're out of options, it might be the way to go if your doctor recommends it. Be aware, though, that it has showed an increased risk of depression in adolescents. This doesn't necessarily mean it will make that worse for you, but it's something to be aware of.\n\nRead through the experiences of others on this subreddit to see if you think it might be worth a shot. It sounds like, though, that you'd be willing to try anything at this point, so don't be too discouraged about the 5.2/10 rating on drugs.com. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7x8ue5", "comment_id": "du6r64v"}, {"question": "Allen Carr", "description": "I'm wondering how many SD people have read the book Allen Carr's book \"The Easy Way to Stop Drinking.\"  I'm looking for a book to help motivate me and I'm wondering if this is a good one. ", "answer": "It's decent and has been mentioned here quite a bit. It has some great points, like fully appreciating what alcohol does for you will actually help you stay clean and that there are ways to avoid willpower battles. It's not add great as advertised though so you'll need to augment. It's still a good read and IMO more important than any 12-step book. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "42pl9t", "comment_id": "czc68wp"}, {"question": "My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago", "description": "So my boyfriend (20/m) cheated on me (21/f) around December of 2015. Now him and I met online and met up a couple times that year, 2015. I live in Oregon and he lived in arizona. We finally decide that we should live together and so he was set to come move in with me and start our lives. I'd say a week before he came he told that he had cheated on me. And I was in complete shock because I never thought he would do this to me. I told him to still come out and we can figure things out. But in my heart I was so broken and I told him everything I felt and we've talked many of times on this subject but the end of 2016 till now I haven't touched on that subject. But due to my parents going through some issues I've been thinking about him cheating on me and why he did it. I also want to know exactly how it went, I even want to see the girl he slept with. But don't get me wrong , I love this man he's helped me fight my demons but this particular issue is something that I can't make it go away. I know that I need closure and I think having him tell him all of this would help me. But I'm scared that it will just hurt me. I simply don't know how to approach this question. Do I just be blunt or build it up and then ask a question. Or what?! Is it even worth me asking? I'm so stump in my own thoughts and I just want an opinion from someone who understands me. ", "answer": "It's not gonna go away to hear all the details or to see her photo or her social media account or whatever. \n\nIt will begin to fade if you are willing to recognize that he cheated because of him. Whatever dynamics and signals he was responding to in your relationship or in the world, he had options, and he chose a terrible one. Doesn't mean he's worthless or that you can't have a relationship with him, but that's what he did. \n\nIf he's changed the kinds of choices he's making, then he's changed.  If he hasn't, knowing that she was lovely or ugly or just some mundane human being lady is not going to change that; and hearing the details and searing them further into your head is only going to give you further grounds for disgust. \n\nClosure is a mirage. You can walk away from loose ends and nagging questions and be happy. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fzb2i", "comment_id": "dim821d"}, {"question": "I want to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do.", "description": "I live alone in the UK. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has got to the point I can barely leave my bed. I'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.\n\nI feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do. Do I call an ambulance?", "answer": "Do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to?  If so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation?  Do you have a hotline in the UK where you can call just to talk to someone?  I know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the UK perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions?  Hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "cnnx4qe"}, {"question": "So someone pissed all over my laptop", "description": "Hi RA\n\n Early this morning I come back home from my friend's dorm.  I went to go check my laptop for Facebook and whatnot. I notice that the green light isn't on on the charger which is plugged in. I open the laptop and liquid starts pouring out from it. A lot of it. I run and grab a towel and start to mop it up. It's a fowl smelling liquid. Long story short, I determined that someone opened my laptop, urinated inside of it, and then closed it because the top of the laptop wasn't wet at all.\n\nMy roommates all deny it and they say that the people they had over Friday night (I was gone most of that night as well) didn't do it. I hadn't used my laptop since Thursday so I don't know when this happened. The last thing I did with my laptop of put it on my desk and plug it in. \n\nNow after talking with with my roommates some more I have this information: \n\nRoommate #1: very, defensive about it. \n\"I'm sorry this happened, but no one here did it! So stop bringing it up\" Insinuating that I did it. He is short, though, and I don't think he'd be able to pee on my desk and laptop with out standing on a chair. Which he would have fallen off. Also he isn't one to get super wasted so I don't think it was him. \n\nRoommate #2: tried cocaine Saturday night. Got very drunk the night on Friday. Got defensive as well. Asked if I was sure I didn't do it. (I'm sure I didn't. I came back on Friday slightly drunk, went to the actual bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, then went to sleep. On Saturday, I was completely sober). \n\nRoommate #3: seemed genuinely surprised. I don't think it was him. \n\nFriend #1: Was over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. \n\nFriend #2: Over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. Does \"crazy things\" when he is drunk according to another friend. \n\nHow do I go about confronting them? I've talked to my roommates, but not the friends that were over. Im currently drying it in a sealed bag with rice, but i have no idea if it'll turn on again. Any experience with similar situations?\n\nThanks in advance RA\n\n", "answer": "Do you live in a dorm? If so, report them to your RA. That is unacceptable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "16yaay", "comment_id": "c80qif3"}, {"question": "Why don't girls ever do this?", "description": "I saw [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fti75/did_i_make_a_huge_mistake/) this morning, and it got me thinking that you often see guys in these long relationships where they suddenly seem to realize that they'll never love the person they're with, but you rarely see women posting saying they've dated someone for three years, and just don't see a future with them.  Is it a gender difference?  I feel as though I know (I am female) pretty quickly whether or not I would be interested in a person and if I'm not or it seems like I never will, I don't go further with it.  I just don't really understand how you someone ends up being with someone for years and years and then realizes they'll never actually love them.\n\n**Edit**: I would also add that I feel as though it is men who often feel as though women are not \"bringing enough intellectually to the table.\"  This is another aspect of things that I think is pretty quickly discernible, and it's strange that several months or years down the line, you suddenly realize that it's a thing.  \n\n**Edit 2**: This is also mostly based on posts in this and other relationshippy subreddits, where I feel as though I see these things played out.  Someone ought to conduct a study where they characterize the nature of posts by men and women in a particular subreddit over a year or something.  We might be able to learn something.", "answer": "I may be able to offer some insight here.  I'm a (male) licensed therapist.\n\nI think guys are more likely to make the mistake of thinking that love is JUST an emotion that we don't have any control over. It's either there or it isn't.\n\nWomen seem to be more likely to understand that love is more than just an emotion and we can actively change how we feel about another person with some work.  Unfortunately, the mistake they usually make is believing that the work should come from the male in the relationship. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ftq7u", "comment_id": "c1ikc2b"}, {"question": "Trying to find a therapist in my community.", "description": "I have not been in therapy for a long time but am in a serious depression right now. I have a list of names from my insurance but no idea which of them is any good or who would be a good match.  How do I go about finding a decent match?", "answer": "Psych Today is a good start, but if at all possible, ask around. If you know a therapist or have a connection to a therapist in your personal life, getting a personal recommendation from them may save you a lot of time + money in trying to find someone that\u2019s a good fit. As a therapist, I find referrals for friends and family members all the time - I think it\u2019s one of the most important things I\u2019m able to do.\n\nI hope you\u2019re able to find someone that\u2019s a good fit for you! ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b5j1qj", "comment_id": "ejf8c39"}, {"question": "Memory problems?", "description": "Good afternoon.   \nI'm 18 years old, and i'm being worried about my memory problems.\nI can't remember what I did yesterday or days before, unless I concentrate really hard and think about it. Like, yesterday I went to dentist and I forgot that completely, before my gf actually reminded me about that.   \nWhat can I do?", "answer": "There's nothing wrong here. You have no cognitive deficits (you actually recall things you\"forget\" with concentration). You're just being absent minded.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51z281", "comment_id": "d7gqrt8"}, {"question": "Wife hates my parents ever since our son was born. Their first (and probably only) grandchild.", "description": "Am I just taking this the wrong way? Ever since our child was born 6 months ago my wife has been pushing my parents away. It is their first grandchild my wife's second child ( she has a teenage son) and my first. She constantly holds the fact that she raised a child already over my head when I do things differently from her, she also uses her age to her advantage too (she's 10 years older than me 29, 39). She doesn't like my parents visiting because they overstay their welcome and take too many pictures of our son. Currently they visit twice a month if they're lucky and they can't even ask for pictures without her getting weird and it starting a fight. I know my parents are just loving and they help us and her mom any time we need it. She thinks they are overbearing and smothering. I can't defend them without it starting a fight and now I can't even send them pictures of their grandson either because I would have to do it behind her back and ask them not to post it on social media because it would make her mad to know I sent them pictures. I don't know what to do, my parents weren't perfect but they are good people that help anyone with anything on the drop of a hat and I feel terrible that they can't see their grandson more than twice a month. And I can't defend them, because she just thinks they want to be parents to our son and not grandparents, and that they would try to take our son away from her if we got divorced. ", "answer": "She doesn\u2019t want you sending pictures to them?  That\u2019s 90% of the fun of parenting. \n\nWhat the hell is going on, man?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7483qb", "comment_id": "dnw6nww"}, {"question": "Working the steps", "description": "I am 30 days in. I have read about people \u2018working\u2019 the steps and now I feel I am ready to get started,  but what does that mean? Does the Big Book indicate how to do that - anyone got page numbers?", "answer": "Get yourself a sponsor who has worked the steps themself. Great decision to do the steps. They ARE the program of recovery! Best of luck!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bsbxv7", "comment_id": "eompt68"}, {"question": "Severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* Age: 18\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5\u20194\u201d\n* Weight: 130 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?)\n* Location (Geographic and on body): TX. Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues\n   * Celiac disease\n      * Not recently glutened\n   * ADHD\n   * Autism Spectrum Disorder\n   * Depression\n      * Decently well controlled. I had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but I am doing well now.\n   * Anxiety\n   * Vitamin D deficiency\n   * Osteopoikilosis\n   * obsessive tendencies\n* Current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)\n   * Xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)\n   * Focalin XR 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)\n   * Abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. For autism irritability)\n   * Zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)\n   * Catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. Used for sleep)\n\nOkay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:\n\nI've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. It started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where I cannot get anything done in school (and I desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so I can graduate!). Any time I try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. I can't break through it. I can only complete assignments when I'm in the right mood which happens almost never. I can't think, I can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and I can't do anything I need to do. The only times I don't feel like this is when I get obsessed about something, or I'm at work. One day I may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the GEDCOM file for my family tree, the next I might be obsessed with studying for the PTCE (I'm a pharmacy technician). I can function at work.\n\nIn addition to this, when I'm on my period, I get *really* depressed. Like how bad it was Freshman year. When I'm not on my period, I'm happy.\n\nDo I need to change ADHD meds? Or is something else wrong? I am desperate to find out what to do.\n\n​\n\nEdit: Added dosages and sig", "answer": "I\u2019m a psychiatrist. Several of your meds can cause sedation or counteract the others\u2019 effectiveness.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "emjc92u"}, {"question": "What is something you do to make your face feel clean again, apart from picking ?", "description": "I go home at the end of the day and feel my face heavy with all my imperfections. What is a routine that helps you feel like you're all good ?", "answer": "Wash with something gentle. I use cerave foaming face wash. And then apply a face mask! You can't pick with a mask on and my skin feels clean and happy afterwards. I'd recommend heading on over to r/skincareaddiction if you want to start building up your own healthy routine. ", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "5cdsyw", "comment_id": "d9w8xp7"}, {"question": "Help with compulsions", "description": "I guess I have OCD, but it hasn't been  diagnosed. Right now, I compulsively  bite the shit out of my fingers, I have a great deal of trouble with any kind of confrontation (I recently got into a mild spot of trouble because after a car accident I immediately said I was responsible), and a few smaller things. I also suffer from paranoia and wild mood swings. For some reason I'm terrified of seeking help. I think about it and generally dismiss the notion. I came here to see how I might go about getting help because I've faked general normalcy for a long, long time since my first big suicide attempt, but an old compulsion I thought I was rid of has returned: cutting. I try my best to hide them, but I have scars from the past, and right now my left hand is covered in bandaid and a makeshift bandage for a larger cut. I don't know if I can hide it at work tomorrow. How can I overcome myself to seek help?   \n  \nThis is a throwaway I used to ask one question once. I just felt the need to elaborate for some reason. ", "answer": "A small thing you can try is wrapping your fingers with Band-Aids.  The hope is that when you go to bite your fingers, there will be a Band-Aid in the way and you won't do it, unfortunately they are obviously noticeable.  As for the others things going on in your life, I am not comfortable giving advice without knowing you more.  Therefore, you should seek treatment and a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist would be most effective for the compulsions but for the other things in your past you may need a different therapist.  You need to think about why you dismiss the notion of going.  Think past the dismissing to what the deeper issue is.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scf0a", "comment_id": "cnop85i"}, {"question": "Do psyhchiatrists usually diagnose patients within the hour of being seen for an intake appointment? I think I was wrongly diagnosed. Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features not too long ago but I have yet to have a depressive episode.", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 87lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a while\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations, Raynaud's syndrome.\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example):\n\nHi, it's me again. The girl who said she didn't sleep for 30+ days. After, a couple of weeks after that post, I think I started sleeping at least 2-3 hours a day which is definitely better than how I was before that. I just feel like I'm all over the place. I feel like a bad person and people online call me a manipulator and abusive person. Their were a couple times this week that I have driven to a bridge but was unsuccessful finding parking to walk there and contemplate suicide. I even wrote a letter saying goodbye to my family. People think I'm doing all of this for attention online but I'm serious. I think I was either wrongly diagnosed or have both bipolar and bpd. I'm very impulsive as a person. I don't think I've had a depressive episode after the 30+ days of no sleep. \n\nI don't know if that has to do with my ADHD. I just also feel like it would be better for everyone around me as well as people I've talked to online that I leave this world. I think it would do everyone a favor. I think the reason why the last pshchiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder was because I had a time in the past where I would have a episodes of no motivation during school semesters or the summer. I have flunked so many times because of no motivation and just doubting myself as well as losing jobs due to not wanting to get out of bed or not wanting to go to work. Anxiety has also played a role. \n\nDuring the 30 days of no sleep, I went to the hospital multiple times because of the bad anxiety and sleeping issue. I think the spending issue could possibly be related to both bpd and bipolar disorder because I have not spend so much money like actually maxing out my credits cards all the time. Only time I did this was last month as well as the beginning of this month and last year during my birthday maybe. During last year, I made a post about being potentially schizphrenic because I was extremely terrified of my house and saw ghosts as well as heard things here and there. This year and last year I would hear my name being called at work or home but nobody would say it or nobody was there. I got kicked out of a university last year because my GPA was so bad for 3 semester's. \n\nI would self harm in the my car in the parking lot. I also do that sometimes out of anger, punishment, and sometimes to feel pain for no reason. I also have been on and off with being very hypersexual. I have never had sex before but I've been really frustrated lately. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Anyway, I'm babbling and am sorry about that. I probably missed a couple things. I would rather thing having borderline personality disorder to be surprising because I don't think I've ever been abused. Also, I forgot to mention during the time of not sleeping for 30+ days and other symptoms I was very irritable and snapped a couple times by breaking some of the items I really cherished. I drive when I'm really upset and sometimes recklessly or I'm like numb or zoned out. That happened yesterday. Almost got into a couple accidents the day I really thought I should end it. \n\nI also forgot to mention that during the 30+ days of no sleep I was hearing and seeing things here and there but nothing like last year. That was the worst time of my life. I would beg my parents to come home because I was so afraid of being home alone and getting attacked by something or someone. I'm not going to lie, I think drugs are poison but at the same time I want someone to help me. I'm just afraid. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. People online that I've talked to think I'm crazy because I overreacted about someone acting like me on my discord account and I thought I was genuinely being hacked and freaking out over it via text. So they banned me. I have really bad anger outbursts but it's usually when im provoked or when I feel like I'm being attacked most of the time or made fun of. I don't think I've been in a depressive episode after the 30 days of no sleep. \n\nAnyway, I'm sorry I'm all over the place. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker. It's what people online tell me but all I want is for someone to help me and card about me. I'm seeing a neurologist another psychiatrist and another appointment at a hospital I think with a therapist in a couple weeks. I just want someones professional opinion on all of this. Am I a toxic person? I'm just frustrated with my entire life and just everything going on. I don't know what to do. I'm trying weed for the first time this week. I went to great lengths to get it because I think maybe it'll fix me.", "answer": "I\u2019d like to emphasize what u/psychick said but add that you should not use marijuana. If you have had any psychotic symptoms then marijuana is a high-risk drug to use. Please don\u2019t. It will not help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw7v6r", "comment_id": "ey8z5ic"}, {"question": "Ex (22/F) wants me (24/M) to delete all our photos off social media. Is this fair?", "description": "On one hand it's her image, and I feel I should respect that. At the same time I personally don't delete all evidence of relationships because I can see the positives even in a break up. I very much enjoyed the relationship before it became unhealthy. I do delete photos of intimacy (e.g kissing), but just general photos I prefer not to. I'm unsure how to proceed because I've never been asked before. Honestly it doesn't impact her life anymore as we are separated. She doesn't have to look at my account. Am I being unfair? ", "answer": "you're entitled to your space and privacy;  unless there are sexual pictures with ex-es", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61akq7", "comment_id": "dfd6a4c"}, {"question": "So, just to be clear: As a 25 year old uninsured American in poverty, there's no way for me to talk to a qualified therapist on a regular basis. Is that correct?", "description": "Just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything.", "answer": "If you live near a university check out their psychology/counseling MA programs. Usually there is a practicum component when the students will see clients under supervision. These sessions are usually free or low cost. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7gl6if", "comment_id": "dqkwoy0"}, {"question": "My (32F) husband (34M) has trouble reaching climax due to the antidepressant cocktail he\u2019s on. What can I do to help aside from him changing medications?", "description": "First off, my husband needs all of these medications. If he comes off of them, he loses touch with reality and things get really bad, even dangerous (towards himself). \nOur sex life is suffering because of this. He is amazing and always makes sure I\u2019m more than taken care of, but he simply does not get off and more often than not, he ends up in pain.\nRealistically speaking, I know this isn\u2019t my fault, but it really affects my self esteem to the point where I dread and even avoid sex. It\u2019a extremely important to me that he gets off and every time he doesn\u2019t, I feel myself shutting down a little more. This is made worse by the fact that we are trying to have a baby....\n\nI love this man with all of my heart and can\u2019t see myself with anyone else. How can I help him reach climax? He doesn\u2019t have issues with getting an erection, just the end part. \nAny advice, links and books are welcomed. \n\nThank you. \n\nTL;DR my husband cannot reach climax due to medication and I want to know what I can do in order to help him.", "answer": "I would suggest seeing a sex therapist. They are trained to help couples manage things like this. It sounds like there is a conflict between \"is it the drugs that is keeping him from climaxing or is it me?\" SOMEWHERE in there.\n\nAlso, something to keep in mind...... hyper-focusing on climax and potentially shunning other parts of sex or looking at them simply as a way to reach climax will not do you any favors in this situation. \n\nAlso, seconding the idea of talking with the doctor to see about the side effects of the medication and what could possibly be done.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ety9jm", "comment_id": "ffjf3os"}, {"question": "I need some help on what I should do now.", "description": "I'm (20/M) and I like this girl (21/F) a lot. Basically, I've known her since my first year in college and we only got closer as friends last year, However, we've gotten VERY close. She considers me her best guy friend by a mile.\n\nShe's intelligent, beautiful and has a dynamic personality. I really can't stop thinking about her each and every day, and I would consider myself humbled to be with a girl like her. I always find myself blushing and trying not to smile when I'm around her, and I sound like an idiot sometimes because the words don't come out right, and I consider myself as articulate as they come. She's had relationship issues in the past, and her trust in guys has been wavering because of her experience, but she seems to be genuinely comfortable and happy when I'm around her, and I feel the same, perhaps to a greater extent. I haven't been in a relationship or so much as kissed someone lol.\n\nMy problem is that I want to tell her my true feelings about her (and I'd be completely okay if we remained close friends), but I don't want to run the risk of making things awkward between us if she doesn't feel the same way. She is truly my best friend, and if things were to change for the worse by doing so, then the only person I know who feels comfortable with me in her room, texts me consistently and can talk about anything could change, and I want to avoid that scenario by all means.\n\nShe hasn't told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and a part of me would like to think she secretly feels the same way about me, but she's hard to read sometimes. So I ask what my best move should be? We are clearly comfortable with each other, and I don't want to run the risk of losing her to someone else if she was waiting for me to make a move.  I also don't want to ruin the current relationship I have now. Thanks for any advice you can give!", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel and hope you're both mature enough to remain best friends if she doesn't feel the same way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64al4d", "comment_id": "dg0mw5o"}, {"question": "I need to find my GF a professional to talk to about her dad's death", "description": "It's been a long journey but I have decided she needs to talk with a professional. I'm not always in town for my GF when she's sad. She needs someone she can go and see on hour's notice to talk in person. Who should I be searching for on Google? As in, what is the job called? Thanks so much", "answer": "Schedule an intake with a therapist. Depending on her insurance, there are a ton of different services out there to help her out.\n\nBut the first thing that needs to happen is a discussion with her about services. Make sure professional help is something she wants.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3zbdpn", "comment_id": "cykuu2j"}, {"question": "Should I force my girlfriend to move to my country for my dream job?", "description": "I am living with my girlfriend in a European country where I do not speak the language and I am currently unemployed. I've been looking for jobs here but not had too much luck yet. I am 30 but pretty much in the beginning of my career. Got out of college pretty late and had two shorter jobs. Now I have an offer for a great job that fits my career goals (as a R&D engineer). The only problem is that the job is in a city in my own country (about one hour flight from our current city). \n\nMy girlfriend, 25, recently graduated and basically has her dream job here (although only on a short contract for now). She has said that she might consider moving for me, since I did that for her before, but I don't know if its a good idea. Neither of us really know anyone in this other city. She speaks the language in my country and could probably find a relevant job but maybe not as good as the one she has now. \n\nWe both have contacts in a third city in my home country and I could possibly get a relevant job there. I think we would be happier living either where we are now or in this third city. BUT .. I'm not sure if this chance will come again easily. Maybe this is my one big career shot since I am 30 now and I don't have too much experience in my field yet. Should I take the job or what should I do?? Would really appreciate your advice!! ", "answer": "You guys need to talk about your goals and relationship.  If she is willing to move and is perfectly fine with the idea that is great.  If she doesn't want to move and you really do then you need to talk about your relationship and whether it can continue on or not.  If you absolutely cannot live without this girl and she doesn't want to move then you need to decide if your potentially dream job is worth losing this relationship.  There is always the option that you move and she doesn't until a later date or something but please know this is very difficult and will most likely not work out.  ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48o2w7", "comment_id": "d0l4lrb"}, {"question": "Is 150mg of sertraline a lot?", "description": "I've been taking 100mg daily and my psychiatrist just told me to increase my dosage to 150mg. Can it cause any side effects? I haven't had any serious side effects for 100mg except the weight gain but it might not be because of that bc my appetite hasn't changed at all and for some weird reason i've been gaining weight. So is 150mg a lot??", "answer": "No, that's still within normal dose range. It can have side effects\u2014any medication or change can potentially have side effects\u2014but usually if you tolerate a lower dose well an increase doesn't cause sudden new problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eza4ki", "comment_id": "fglyubk"}, {"question": "Will taking the prescribed dose of Adderall make me addicted / dependant?", "description": " I got diagnosed with ADHD by a doctor. I have my doubts about having ADHD at all, and am scared that I would get addicted to Adderall. She prescribed the 10mg dose. If I take the prescribed amount the doc gave, Will I get dependent/ addicted on Adderall?\n\nIf this is not the right place to ask this, please delete.\n\n \n\n* Age: 19\n* Sex: M\n* Height: 5'7\n* Weight: 115\n* Race: White \n* Duration of complaint: Got diagnosed around a week ago from today. \n* Location (Geographic and on body): mental \n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any): Adderall ", "answer": "No one here can assess whether you do or don't have ADHD. Appropriate use of Adderall at prescribed doses does not produce addiction, and probably doesn't produce dependence\u2014people taking stimulants often have \"drug holidays\" where they don't take any on weekends or other times when they do not need to be able to sustain concentration.\n\nTreatment of ADHD has been shown to reduce rates of substance abuse overall.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "agb3ij", "comment_id": "ee4yqph"}, {"question": "Is anybody else also only able to fall asleep by fantasizing about a hypothetical romance?", "description": "Everyone thinks of something to fall asleep and as long as I can remember I have only been able to fall asleep to the thought of having someone love me. I will fantasize about a hypothetical romance and each day I\u2019ll make a story up about someone else. I can\u2019t thing of anything else while trying to sleep and it makes me feel so weird that I have to do this.", "answer": "No not really. But i usually masturbate to fall asleep", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "gqwlsi", "comment_id": "frwf5iz"}, {"question": "Please just listen, I am so tired", "description": "I am so so so tired. I have a paper due tomorrow and everything that has been holding back my thoughts, my feelings, my anxieties just crumbled under increased stress. The only way I've made it so long tonight is because my girlfriend won't leave me by myself, and I'm scared of when she does. I just feel like I've been fighting this for so long, I'm just hanging over this pit and I can't move away. I can't due this paper and I don't care about it either. I've stopped caring about everything and I can't reel myself in. If I wasn't so afraid of the overdose I would have done this a long time ago, but the fear is less than the desire to finish giving up, all at once, as soon as possible. \n\nI am so sad, and I have no reason to be. I have a wonderful life. My depression is like a disease eating away at me, and I'm afraid I will live like this forever. I am *scared*", "answer": "If you don't feel safe being alone, please don't let yourself be alone tonight. Go to a hospital as a last resort if need be.\n\nDepression is a disease, and it's not weakness to need help overcoming it. Please see a doctor for help.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "196ell", "comment_id": "c8l7v5j"}, {"question": "New guy here, and I'm begging for some real advice. I've ruined my marriage, and I don't know how to make up for 5 years of damage. Please read on for a lengthy story...", "description": "So, as a heads up, this will be a bit lengthy. I'll give a TL;DR disclaimer at the bottom. But my story requires some background information.  \n  \nI've been married to my wife since December 23, 2005. We got together in July of 2005. We've been best friends since 1995. And I mean as close as friends could possibly get. There's always been a level of comfort between us that I never knew existed, and a connection that was unexplainable.  \n  \nSince a month or two after we got together, we decided to have another child. But it never happened. There was something wrong with one of us, but we were both too scared to find out. As a relevant side story, she had a child when she was 17. The father was(is) a real scumbag, and was in and out of jail throughout the pregnancy and throughout my daughter's life. I have been the only father figure in Chastity's(my daughter) life, which I stepped up to the day I found out my wife was pregnant. Now I digress.  \n  \nOur relationship was great, all the way up to 3 months into the marriage. Then I started playing this online game(Space Cowboy for those wondering.). I neglected giving my wife any attention, and would barely ever speak to her. I didn't catch on to the cries for attention, or the fact that there was something wrong. So she had an affair. We decided to work through it. She was truly sorry and embarrassed, and I was truly willing to forgive her. While it was completely un-acceptable what she did, I knew the reasoning, and felt I would've done the same thing.  \n  \nThing is, I never forgave her. I constantly brought it up. I became consumed with distrust and jealousy. I tried to control her actions; where she went, who she talked to. And the worst part: I called her a \"whore\" EVERY SINGLE TIME WE FOUGHT. We went three years like this. We'd have some great times, but we were both unhappy. I had turned into a monster.  \n  \nShe tried talking to me many many times, and tell me there was a problem. We both started shutting down. Gone was the affection, the passion, the true love, the making love. She was more and more lonely, as was I. We missed each other so much, but were too far apart to do anything. I think we were even blind to how sever it was. She started talking to someone else in the beginning of this year, and I started talking to an old \"friend\" of mine. She found out, and assumed I had cheated on her, which honestly, I didn't. Though, that was my intention at the time.  \n  \nSo she had another affair. Again, we decided we were too close, too strong to let this tear us apart. We just wanted to be us again. But my hatred and resentment grew further for her. Calling her a \"whore\" was a daily thing. She was totally shut down. But still, she stood by my side, hoping things would change. Why?  \n  \nSo now we're here. About 2 weeks ago, she'd had enough. She wanted a divorce. I never realized how horrible I was up until this day. But all my promises were no good anymore. I spent the last 2 weeks bawling like a child at the mistakes I've made, begging her to stay. The papers are still in the night stand. She told me she's not in love with who I am today, and she misses the real me. She can't live like this. I'm proud of her. She shouldn't live like this. But I've done some soul searching, and I've truly forgiven her for the past. I did it for MYSELF. I just couldn't hold on to those demons anymore. I'm not that controlling, jealous monster anymore. But the love is gone out of our marriage. I know she wants to fix this, she's admitted she just wants ME back. But how do I fix this? How do I show her?  \n  \nI feel so distant from her, and I'm scared to do/say many things. I miss holding my wife's hand. I miss putting my arm around her during movies. And most of all, I miss those 5 second moments when we'd just look into each others eyes, silent.  \n  \nI'm really sorry for the ranting, Reddit. I'm sure many of you understand the need to just vent, even if no one listens. I'm just looking for some simple advice, especially from people who have been here. Thanks everyone.  \n  \nFYI: Divorce is an option, and we'd both be very civil about it. But neither of us want a divorce, we just don't want to live like this.  \n  \nTL;DR: After 4 or 5 years of ruining my marriage and degrading my wife, how can I prove things are truly different? I'll answer any questions in comments. Thanks again everyone.  \n  \n**EDIT:** I fixed the paragraph issue. My apologies. :)  \n  \n**EDIT:** Honestly, I expected some criticism; looked forward to it actually. Even expected quite a bit of you to tell us to divorce. What amazes me is how society has completely lost the value of marriage. Of course, my wife and I screwed up *big time.* But why is the only advice to an unhappy marriage to divorce? This isn't a high school relationship. We married each other because we're so in love, so connected, that there's no doubt in our mind that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. The process of changing, adapting, and fixing problems is the only thing that will hold a marriage together.  \n  \nI'm not really complaining about everyone suggesting divorce; I have a feeling most haven't been married, had a marriage end badly, or haven't yet hit the point of having major problems. I'm just amazed at how easy it is for people as a whole to say \"Get a divorce.\"  \n  \n**ANOTHER EDIT:** If it makes a difference, my wife and I come from severely broken homes. Not really going to get into it, but I grew up with an alcoholic father, parents divorced at 16, occasional abuse. My wife had it worse, with a horribly alcoholic mother, who disappeared for 10 years of her life. She was always lied to about who was her real parents. Raised by her grandparents, she was abused in many ways, but that's the most detail I'll go into about it. ", "answer": "I know this is not a sexy answer, but if you are both willing, I highly recommend seeing a therapist.  You have a lot to work through with the affair and the distance between you two.  Therapists certainly aren't magical but they can help if both of you are willing to do the work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dp6mg", "comment_id": "c11vkxm"}, {"question": "My [20/M] first time going out with a girl [20/f] and I have no experience at all. Any help would be great.", "description": "Hey all. Like the title says, I have no experience with girls whatsoever. I had a very sheltered life due to my ultra religious mom and didn't get exposed to anything like talking to other people outside of our very small congregation (which, by the way, only consisted of people that were in their 60s, 70s. So no one my age.) I've since left that and have started to develop basic people skills but I still have a ways to go.\n\nSo, I recently met a girl at work that I like and found out she likes me too through a mutual friend (which is a huge milestone for me, as I've put goals to try and do better with people). She's invited me to the movies with 2 of her other friends. The thing is, I'm not sure how to go about it. I still tend to run out of things to say and I wouldn't wanna look like a fool or something negative in front of her friends. I'm worried I might do something inappropriate that might turn me off from them and tell her to forget about me. \nI know you can't win them all, but just basic stuff to avoid.\n\nI guess I'm just asking for conversational tips/topics that I can use while I hang out tomorrow, as well as some dos and donts while I'm on a date. Anything would be a big help. Thanks in advance.\n\nTL;DR New to the dating game, I run out of things to talk about. Anything would be great.", "answer": "memorize a list of topics. it'll keep the convo flow going", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxusu", "comment_id": "ddxsmu7"}, {"question": "My [M27] fiance [M29] never wants to be with me.", "description": "I'm 27 he is 29 we are gay. And I have noticed and feel that he never wants to spend time or talk with me. He always says he tired, and all be ever wants to do is scroll on Facebook, and watch Star trek and drink wine. When ever I want to talk or do somthing together it's always such a chore. Or he tells me to shut up or idk when I'm trying to talk. He says he's kidding but I can tell he does not give a fuck. And the only way I get him to say I love you is when I say it to him. I don't know what to do. We are together for 4 years and I want to just do things with him. Be with him all the time. And it's depressing and I get angry and end up yelling at him. What do I do? \n\nIf you want more info ask please. I don't want to leave him but for god sakes pay attention to me a little. Be a fucking human for once we are young we should be fun and out and shit.  ", "answer": "have a long talk about the relationship; past, present , future. if things don't improve see a therapist together", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qk26x", "comment_id": "dczywr3"}, {"question": "Good books for processing childhood abuse? Ready to let go and move on...", "description": "I have not processed the trauma I grew up with. My family chooses to bottle it up inside and everyone deals with it separately. That means I\u2019ve just never talked about it. I get instantly angry when it does come up and I can feel the frustration and resentment festering. I think I need to acknowledge it to get rid of it. The abuser has been out of my life for almost ten years, but I would really like to move into a healing stage. \n\nCan anyone recommend a book that helped you process domestic abuse on your own and that helped you let it go and move on? ", "answer": "Join us over at r/CPTSD! There are lots of resources on the sidebar and at https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCPTSDtoolbox/ including: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCPTSDtoolbox/comments/adwma3/cptsd_books_media_library/", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "al6fm6", "comment_id": "efd1mop"}, {"question": "GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!", "description": "Hi everyone, \nI am a first year med student suffering from a number of mental illnesses be it OCD ( mainly pure-o), SOCIAL ANXIETY, GAD, PANIC DISORDER, ONYCHOPHAGIA and mild AGORAPHOBIA ( all being in severe stage).\nI have been diagnosed officially by psychiatrist. \nThey have prescribed me meds but I am not taking them due to their potential side effects. I am also not attending the therapy sessions due to financial issues. I haven't told these things to my parents or to any other person but the psychiatrist. Now, my anxiety has gone out of control and I am looking forward towards my recovery.\nMy question to you people is as follows-\n1. Should I start taking the medicine prescribed by psychiatrist?\n2.What are the potential side effects of these medicines?\n3.Will it damage my brain and change me as a whole( ruining my positive traits also)\n4.How does one feel after taking such medicine?? Do they really work? How long do they take to show their full effects??\n5.Is there any alternative method to cure the illness??\nLooking forward to your replies.\nIt's very urgent!!!!!", "answer": "\n\n* 1.  You have to decide this for yourself.  If the psychiatrist prescribed it, they think it's the best thing to help you with your symptoms.  \n* 2.  Talk to your psychiatrist about side effects.  Every medication has different ones.  Most people don't experience all of them and very few people ever experience the severe ones.  \n* 3.  Taking medication may change you somewhat as I'm sure a lot of your personality is wrapped up in the thoughts and behaviors that are influenced by the anxiety.  When you're feeling less anxious your personality may seem to change somewhat, but you'll always be you!\n* 4.  Once again, it all depends on the medication you take.  I take Adderall for pretty severe ADHD.  For me, it actually calms me down, allows me to focus on things for extended periods of time, and be substantially less hypervigilant and anxious when driving.  Medication generally effects everyone a little differently.  ADHD medication generally works instantly.  Most anti-depressants (SSRI's that are also commonly prescribed for anxiety) can take a few weeks of taking daily to build up in your system and be effective.    \n* 5.  Going to therapy consistently is probably your best bet to help with your anxiety.  Multiple studies show that the best thing you can do is a combination of regular weekly therapy with medication.  If given the option between weekly therapy OR medication only, therapy wins out.  \n\n\nIf you're currently in med school you should look to see if your school offers free counseling for students.  Most colleges and universities do.  Given that you're already paying for it as part of tuition costs, you might as well use it.  \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vtp1b", "comment_id": "e1qg4qo"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (was) a cutter and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I love her a lot.  We have been dating 2 years and she has yet to meet my family.  If I am being honest, part of it is because both of her arms are completely covered with scars.  My mom is a traditional soccer mom and while she may have had somewhat free spirit a long time ago, I just don't think she would understand this part of my girlfriend and I'm worried she won't approve. To top it all off, my brother was married to a girl who was a cutter and she ended up completely ruining him.  So my mom already has a bad view of this type of girl (if you can even include them in the same category).  My girlfriend is much sweeter than she was and she just had this thing she went through.  It's been a long time since she has done it.  Any thoughts? ", "answer": "If she's stable and healthy now, and you love her, that's all that matters.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vdjsc", "comment_id": "dlzl09y"}, {"question": "Is there ever a good reason to get back together with your ex? [20/m]", "description": "I've read a lot that people typically shouldn't get back together with your ex if it ends badly, but I feel like I'm in a different situation.\n\n My ex [19/f] and I started talking a couple months ago and started dating a month ago. Things were going great until one day she dropped the bomb on me saying that she wasn't over her ex, even though she thought she was because she was tired of his shit and she was the one who broke up with him. She explained to me that I was perfect for her and doing everything right, but it was just bad timing and she needed time to work on herself. If the timing is right in the near future, is there a reason to try again with her?\n\nAny other advice is greatly appreciated.", "answer": "if there's a chance it could be great...yes! usually i recommend couple counseling so your renewal is smooth and you can iron out the problems of the past", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "730wqu", "comment_id": "dnmpx0i"}, {"question": "Habitual Smoking and ADHD?", "description": "I smoked cigarettes from 14-18 then picked it back up when I was 23. I've now been smoking off and on for 4 years since then but I'm realizing it might be connected to my ADHD.\n\nI've always felt it was the habit of smoking, not the nicotine, that was MORE addictive for me. When I'm driving, walking, or doing homework, it's similar to a fidgit cube. I always feel like I need to \"do\" and smoking is something to \"do\".\n\nAlso, no need to lecture me on the detriments of smoking, I'm well aware, I've quit before and I'll do it again. Because of the \"habit\" factor I plan on purchasing a vape to use nicotine-free juice and cut back tremendously.", "answer": "Smoking for something to \u201cdo\u201d is exactly how it feels for me ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xrg0a", "comment_id": "e9ulend"}, {"question": "How to talk to my doctor about depression/ suicidal ideations", "description": "20m usa. I've been feeling depressed for a long while now. Hopefully I can get an appointment today to see my doctor. \n\nI've been having suicidal ideations, basically just thinking about my death, thinking it might be the best option for me. ( I know its not, I haven't tried anything, haven't ever hurt myself or ever plan to).\n\nHow can I bring this up to my doctor???? These thoughts just keep popping in my head and its terrifying. I don't want to to seek help just to be locked away in a psyc ward.", "answer": "You can talk to your doctor, but I'm not going to mislead. There are doctors who are comfortable with suicidal thinking, and there are doctors who are not. The latter might be quick to try to dump you on psychiatry. Most psychiatrists in most places wouldn't hospitalize you for being depressed for a long time\u2014because it's often not appropriate treatment\u2014but you might waste time in an ER before a psychiatrist sends you home.\n\nIt would go better if you're clear from the outset that there's nothing you're about to do, just that you're feeling depressed.\n\nA psychiatrist would be the right kind of doctor to treat this and probably more comfortable with chronic suicidal thinking, but getting in to see a psychiatrist can be a very long wait.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hon69k", "comment_id": "fxj7vom"}, {"question": "Being social is overrated", "description": "I love my coworkers at my new job and I have some friends through school. I'm outgoing, but at the end of the day, I want to be alone. I like to be alone. \n\nI have one close friend. I rarely see her. I don't talk to my family. I don't go out often. I am also tired from school and work.\n\nIt's draining going out and socializing, both mentally and financially. (Hey, more money for solo travel.)\n\nI used to want more friends, but now, I think I'm content just being a loner.", "answer": "Some people are social butterflies, and some are content spending a lot of time alone. I'm in the latter category, but as I've \"matured\", I've changed. I don't necessarily seek out social encounters, but I don't avoid them. I'm far more outgoing than I used to be. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fexyt", "comment_id": "ctodesh"}, {"question": "How do I express myself properly my therapist.", "description": "I feel like all I do describe the emotions I have and don't really articulate the actual thoughts I have. I talk very slowly and I struggle to get stuff out. The truth is I'm probably way worse than I come across. He told me that I'm depressed but I don't think he fully understands how bad it is. I should probably tell him that I have a lot of hate, anger and jealousy for the rest of the world. And I really find everything shit. Ive been doing a short set of practices to help with various things. I'm thinking that afterwards I could try a different therapist for a while and see if I can get it out to someone else. ", "answer": "It can be helpful to start your sessions off with lighter conversation.  What are you comfortable talking about?  Can you talk briefly about any good tv shows, movies, books you've seen lately or hobbies engaged in?  It can be helpful to have ice breakers.  \n\n\nI can't tell you how many sessions I've have with folks where the first 20 minutes is talking about how the football season's going or the latest Game of Thrones episode, then the last 20-25 is really good in depth therapeutic work.  I know some of my clients need this in order to feel comfortable.  With some clients I certainly can, but with some we can't just jump right into the deep stuff as soon as they sit down.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8yazrw", "comment_id": "e29vcjb"}, {"question": "Hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "This is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.\n\nBasically, I spent about a few weeks home from school when I was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). I had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light. \nI put on a movie (pirates of the Caribbean number three) and about half way through I had to stop. This was due to feeling very tired, and also because I found the TV too bright. Also, the scene where Jack Sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; I'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. They have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal HELL).\n\nAnyway, so I go to bed, and I vividly remember having a pirates of the Caribbean themed nightmare. It went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and I couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason I had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if I didn't, I would fall or something imminently bad would come if I let go.\n\nWhen I woke up, I couldn't breath properly, and I felt unbelievably afraid. I had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever I gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . Enough. It's really the only way I can describe the feeling - I had to grip something because if I didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and I felt like crying. Also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that I saw o the crabs. I remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - I remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. It felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if I didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears. \n\nSometime later, I \"came to\" in a sense; I found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, I didn't really process or know where I was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) I realised that I couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in I literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it. \n\nI managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that I couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. She told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. I waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. Within twenty minutes, I felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, I told her it was fine now, and I've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.\n\nCould anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? The more I write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. TBH, I just wanted to get this off my chest. \n\ntl;dr: I suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. I had this desperate urge that I need to hold on or grip something, and if I let go of any object, I would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. This felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when I \"came to\" I found I couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "Visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common.  Nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is THAT high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "e1w6uj9"}, {"question": "Lumbar Puncture okay with Naltrexone?", "description": "Hi there!  I take Naltrexone to help with binge drinking.  I only drink once or twice a week, or maybe once or twice every two weeks, but historically when I've done so I have gone way overboard.  I take Naltrexone now and it has helped reduce my consumption.  I only take it on days I drink.\n\nI have a lumbar puncture scheduled for this Friday 7/27 at 9am.  I took 50mg naltrexone yesterday, 7/24, at 7pm, completely forgetting that it might interfere with the procedure.  I'm not concerned it will skew the results, but I understand that taking opioid anesthetics can be deadly while on Nal.  If it's useful, the last time I drank, and therefore took naltrexone (prior to yesterday), was about 12 days ago.\n\nSo, my question is, is it typical to give an opioid based anesthetic during a lumbar puncture?  If I tell them I prefer a non-opioid anesthetic will that be an issue?  I think the nal will be out of my system by Friday but wanted to make sure.  Is this something I should be worried about or even reschedule?  I would hate to do so, it's taken a while to get it scheduled and I need to get the procedure done.\n\nMy demographics:\n\n\\- Age: 46\n\n\\-  Height: 6'2\n\n\\- Weight: 180\n\n\\- Gender: male\n\n\\-- Meds: only naltrexone\n\n\\- Smoking status:  I quit 8 years ago.  Smoked for about 15 years before that\n\n\\- Medical Issue:  I have had constant daily headaches and fatigue for the last 4 months.  I also feel generally ill, ironically, almost list a hangover.  I've had all the bloodwork and and MRI done, now it time for the lumbar puncture.\n\nThanks in advance for your insight and assistance, it is genuinely appreciated.", "answer": "It's not typical to give an opioid for a lumbar puncture. Naltrexone isn't dangerous with opioids, but it will render opioids ineffective. There's no need to reschedule your lumbar puncture or even, as far as I know, be careful about mixing an LP and naltrexone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91xeun", "comment_id": "e31m7hq"}, {"question": "Drinking. College. Recovering.", "description": "Hey all, \n\nI've been thinking about drinking lately. I ended up in treatment shortly before I turned 19, and I'm 21 now. I'll have three years on August 22. I went to treatment primarily for stimulants, although at the end I was using pretty much anything I could get my hands on. \n\nLife has been good since I got sober. Not a gift from god, not a reward from a higher power, but good. I returned to the (very good) school that I was almost kicked out of and I've gotten close to straight As since I've been back. I have a good job for the summer, I'll be graduating next year and things are looking pretty positive. \n\nI just feel like I'm missing out on being a normal 21 year old. Virtually all social activities on campus revolve around alcohol in some way, and it feels really isolating to be sober. I tried going out to parties dry for a while, but I frankly gave up eventually because it just made me feel bitter and excluded. Sometimes it was fun; it was unpleasant frequently enough that I didn't think it was worth it. \n\nI blacked out a lot when I was last drinking, but I was also 17-18 and stupid. I didn't really understand that moderation was a desirable thing, and I never really tried to acheive it. My big problem was, essentially, that I'd do some sort of upper on a Friday or Saturday night, quickly become unable to stop, and end up spun out until Tuesday or Thursday, missing a week of class and generally failing to meet whatever responsibilities I had. \n\nI think that I could deal with normal, go-out-and-have-fun-type drinking if I tried, at least for the forseeable future. What really keeps me back is that, in the past, whenever something went semi-seriously wrong in my life, my immediate reaction was to go out and get obliterated. I'm worried that the next time a girl cheats on me, I'll end up black-out drunk and back to having to ask around to find out what I did the night before. Again. Or come-to with a bag of cocaine in my pocket. \n\nBut I feel really alone as a sober 21 year old, and I'd like to at least try to participate in the sorts of things that normal 21 year olds do. I spent a year going to AA religiously and another yearish going more sporadically before deciding that it wasn't for me. I feel like there isn't really any program left to work once you take out the \"higher power,\" and I'm positive that I don't believe in that. The program runs on doublespeak and self-reinforcing cliches, and I feel like 80% of shares just parrot jumbled up versions of earlier shares. I think that it's main function is to help you associate some loved-up emotional high with sobriety -- and that's great if you can get yourself to buy in to it, but I can't. \n\nSo, anyway -- stuff has been pretty good for the past threeish years, but there are some things that have bothered me from the beginning that never stopped. Alcohol was moderately problematic to me, but I think most (not all) of the reasons it caused me issues have been resolved. I would like to try drinking again at some point in the future, and I never had any intention of staying sober when I was sent to treatment. But drug addiction was hell, and I never want to go back to that. \n\nAnyway, I don't really know what I'd expect in a response, I just kind of want to verbalize some thoughts. Does anyone have any experience, strength and/or hope? ", "answer": "I'm not here to sell you AA. It's clear to me you don't want it, and that's how it goes with some people. I'm just here to say I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I got sober at 17 and am in college now and I know a drink would be looking really friendly right now if I felt so alone. The comment that really trips me out is the idea that if you drank again you'd have to quit again ten years down the line. That is a fucking insane thought. If you did indeed spend a year and a half or so in the rooms you know that addiction kills people every fucking day. I'm sober today because if I were to drink again I don't know that I'd be able to quit tomorrow, or the next day, or ten years from now, or ever for that matter. Nothing I say to you will get that insane notion that you can control your drinking out of your head. I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through and that I can't help you with it. I hope you find a way to get out of that type of thinking and find the happiness you seek.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "28exwh", "comment_id": "ciarhkj"}, {"question": "Why is everyone out to hurt me?", "description": "Why is everyone out to hurt me :(?", "answer": "Once you have been a victim of abuse, you are significantly more likely to be abused again. This is why it may feel like everyone is trying to hurt you.\n\nFor example, here\u2019s my story in a nutshell.\n\nMy dad mentally abused me > my dad encouraged my brother to mentally abuse me > I went to school and sought out relationships that resembled my family\u2019s way of interacting, which meant I gravitated towards abusers > I was emotionally abused by these people > the idea that I deserve abuse became solidified in my head > continued to unconsciously seek out abusers > belief that I am worthless continually reinforced throughout my young life > sought out romantic relationships with abusers because I thought they were the best I could get > the idea that I am worthless became an inherent truth in my head and I rejected any evidence contrary to this idea and also rejected people who treated me any differently\n\nYou need to break the pattern, or hurt is all you will ever know. It\u2019s not your fault you feel this way, but you can make choices to stop yourself from being re-victimized. First step is begin to love yourself regardless of what other people do/think. This isn\u2019t an easy task, but you deserve self compassion. Good luck. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8v93si", "comment_id": "e1loy3e"}, {"question": "Long-term Mystery odor and sweatiness in genital area F30", "description": "age: 30 years old\n\nsex: female\n\nheight: 5'6''\n\nweight: 120 lbs.\n\nrace: white\n\nprimary complaint: bad (vaginal?) odor when sitting for any amount of time; feel like I have to urinate frequently; excessive sweatiness in vaginal area in social situations and after sitting\n\nmedications: none\n\ndrinking/smoking/drugs: non-user\n\nAbout a decade ago I noticed a distinct odor coming from between my legs -- it was unpleasant, but not in a fishy way, and accompanied by a little sweatiness. I closed my legs and just thought 'hmmm, that's odd' and hoped it would go away. A few months before this happened I had a very bad UTI that I left untreated for a couple of days and then got antibiotics for -- from that time I've had  a sensitive bladder at night in particular. Also, I had been having unprotected sex with a partner at the time, but I got tested for the usual STDs afterward and I didn't have anything pop up (could be exotic I suppose, but if so, what?). I lost the ability to smell this odor between my legs after a few months and stopped thinking about it/assumed it went away. Unfortunately, the odor/sweatiness never went away. I know this because in the past few years I've noticed that people will get up and move away from where I'm sitting after about 20 minutes of my sitting down because I start to smell awful, which has proven extremely embarrassing to me. I've had two friends comment on it, so I know it's not in my head. I continue to sweat, A LOT, down there...after sitting for an extended period of time or when I get into a social situation. This exacerbates the smell, I think, because I can tell people notice and move away from me (but they do so when I'm not sweating too, so it's not just the sweat). The bladder problem has also gotten worse during this period and at night I sometimes have trouble sleeping now because I feel I have to use the bathroom, but when I go, it's not a lot. It's socially been extremely debilitating recently, as even six-seven feet away I've had people relocate to sit further from me. I should add that this hasn't subsided, the sweating, no matter the time of year or my diet, which I've changed up over time. I should also note that I have had annual reproductive health exams and never had a doctor tell me anything looks off down there. I've also been too embarrassed to explain what's happening to me. No burning/itching/strange discharge that I can identify. The strange thing about the (odor) moisture is that it occurs even if I use Drysol in the exterior area of the vagina/butt.  Thoughts? Any ideas will be super helpful.", "answer": "I have dysautonomia which causes hyperhydrosis. I sweat a LOT, and most especially in the downtown. I do the public hair trim, use the blow dryer, use panty liners, don\u2019t sleep in underwear and occasionally use a non talc based power on the \u201cleg pits\u201d as a prior commenter called them, but not near the vulva. Even with all this I still struggle. Medications to help with sweating only make me extremely dry mouthed and I cannot afford (nor do I want) Botox every few weeks in the downtown. I just do my best with the above and deal with it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dyvbw9", "comment_id": "f8577s6"}, {"question": "Please help me not feel so nervous? Question about apartment-hunting.", "description": "Hey everyone. I know this isn't a good place for this, but I wasn't sure where else to go. I don't think this type of question meets the requirements at /r/AskReddit. Now, I didn't see anyone die or anything like that. I'm just nervous and afraid that I won't be able to find an apartment.\n\nMy girlfriend and I are going to start looking for a new apartment soon. Can I just list off some facts and you guys can tell me if it's possible or not? I just need to know whether it'll be possible or whether we have some serious issue that needs to be resolved before we start looking.\n\n* We're young. I'm 21 and she's 20.\n* We've only had one apartment together. It's sort of unconventional. We found it on craigslist, and it's above a family's garage. They're not really landlords, they just want to make some extra cash, and we needed a place to live. Still, we've paid the rent on time every month.\n* We both have minimum-wage jobs, but the rent is extremely high in my area. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and my girlfriend would be too, if she didn't get a lot of financial aid money.\n* My mom is willing to cosign, but she lives out of state.\n* I have a good credit score because I always pay off my credit card. Not sure how much that matters.\n\nI'm just afraid any landlord will see us as two irresponsible kids who aren't worth the risk.", "answer": "As a former apartment manager, none of this would cause me much worry about you as renters.  \n\nEven though the place you had before was less conventional, it's still rental history.  Talk to the family you lived with and make sure they are willing to provide you a good reference, if asked by a new apartment.\n\nThe place I managed required that the total income of the renters be 3x the rent, but this varies.  We did consider student loans as income, so be sure to ask about that.  It shouldn't matter if a co-signer is out of state.\n\nCredit score is usually weighted pretty heavily when renting apartments.  It can mean the difference of getting approved/denied and can influence the amount of security deposit you are charged.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2vkwpe", "comment_id": "coil6c1"}, {"question": "Job Offer", "description": "I've been with a company in the field that I want to be in for seven months in an entry level $35k/yr. I've received accolades from my managers and many compliments from guests and even a raise about five months in. I received a call from my former employer yesterday and they offered me a position as a District Manager. Pay starting at 65k/yr but it's a place that I didn't like working for at all. Very cutthroat and stressful, and my new role is the exact opposite. I feel like the only reason that I would take it is because of the money. I asked a couple people about it and one suggested that I'd be exceedingly good in the new role but possibly not exceedingly happy. \n\n\nI feel like I'm in a good place of growth right now but I'm not sure which way to go. ", "answer": "You've answered your own question.  If you are happy with where you are and are not having money problems then why not stay and be happy?  Personally I'd rather be happy with less money then stressed/unhappy with more money.  Besides if your are unhappy all the time you won't be able to enjoy the money!  It is unfortunate that we all need money to live in this world but I know when you are old looking back, you want to look back on the happy life you had.  Not the unhappy but prosperous life.  As you gain experience you will make more money eventually. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48yb2g", "comment_id": "d0njvuu"}, {"question": "What to make of an abnormal EKG?", "description": "(22 y/o female, 5'4, 105lbs. Medical History: Reynaud's phenomenon. Also, I have been experiencing joint and muscular pain/stiffness for years now, which does not seem to concern my doctors. Not taking any medications.)\n\nSometime last year I started to experience a racing heartbeat. My mom works at cardiologist's so they gave me a 24-hr holter monitor. I didn't experience much discomfort during that time frame and the cardiologist didn't seem concerned. He mentioned \"tachycardia\" without much context or explanation. \n\nSince then, my heart rate has only been bothering me more and more. At this point, I am usually fatigued and I feel weak and lightheaded often. I went to an internist recently, and I've apparently developed a murmur. I had an EKG done in the office that day and I have a t wave abnormality. I will be going for blood work and an echo sometime next week.\n\nI don't really know what to make of any of this and I would just like some context or explanation. ", "answer": "It's hard to tell whats going on - the failing here is the poor communication skills of the involved professionals.\n\nLots of people have lots of abnormalities on and ECG/EKG, its all about context. The murmur is a wee bit concerning, but the t wave changes and tachycardia might be nothing too worrying.\n\nBest to get clarification from your docs though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ks3uv", "comment_id": "dbq7jrp"}, {"question": "Can someone help figure out what I'm feeling?", "description": "For what feels like the longest time, I've wondered if I'm depressed, or if some truly ugly part of me just wants attention. Recently, I am obsessing over it a lot, and was hoping someone could help me out. I'm 17F, so a part of me wonders if this is just a societal thing, that everyone needs something to be wrong with them now. But at the same time, I don't know how I can describe what I feel.\n\nI'm not depressed in the traditional sense. I am not overwhelmingly sad all of the time, and I can smile or laugh genuinely. But on the other hand, I am so fucking tired all of the time. Doing the most simple tasks take forever for me to do, and I'm not sure if it's me being lazy or something else. I used to love going out and doing things with people, and now all I ever want to do is stay in bed. Nothing can ever keep me from boredom, and I mostly just feel indifferent with everything all of the time. \n\nI don't really understand the point of living. Maybe it's an existential crisis, but I don't understand. When I die, no one will care, it won't matter in the long run. My life is meaningless. And since I won't remember any of it when I'm dead, what's the point? I think about suicide briefly a lot. Just seconds here or there, which is why I don't think it's anything. Everyone thinks about suicide right? I think it's a normal thing but don't really have anyone to ask. I'll never go through with it, but everyday when I'm driving home from school down this one big hill, I think about driving straight off the road, and how much better it must be for everyone in the long run. \n\nI can never keep friends, they all end up leaving me after about 5-6 months because they get bored with me or decide they don't want to be my friend anymore. It rips me up every time I think about it, cause I'm not sure why I'm not good enough. I have tried to change who I am or how I act a platitude of times, and yet it never lasts longer than a few hours and I just feel even more worthless. \n\nI feel alone, but don't mind it. I can't focus for very long before I get sidetracked into thinking about my future and how fucked it is. I'm constantly trying to find ways to escape myself, but when those ways can no longer help me, I'm lost all over again.\n\n​\n\nI feel all of these things, yet I also wonder if it's possible that I'm just over-exaggerating what i feel into something way worse for some fucking twisted reason. It scares me if that's true because I think I must be a truly terrible person if it is. \n\n​\n\nAm I the only one that feels this way? Can anybody tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?", "answer": "Hey you!\n\nwhat you are going through is tough. You feel alone. The good news is you don't have to always feel this way. A lot of the things you describe sound like depression, but the best thing you can do is talk to your parents about how you are feeling and ask them to help you find a therapist to talk to. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. It's like seeing a doctor when you get sick or hurt. \n\n\nThis stuck out to me: \"I can never keep friends, they all end up leaving me after about 5-6 months because they get bored with me or decide they don't want to be my friend anymore\"\n\nHow do you know that your friends get bored with you? is this a fact or is this your depression convincing you that you are no good? You are good. I glanced at some of your reddit posts and you have some cool interests and you are interesting and very worthwhile :) \n\nIt sounds like there are people that care about you but its hard to believe that right now. Your thoughts can be very powerful things, but they are also things that you are in charge of. If thinking a certain way about yourself leads to feeling bad, try being your own devil's advocate and finding evidence that you are good and worthwhile. I can already see that good by your post and you having the courage to share what you are going through and seek help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7ixm0", "comment_id": "ec3gx3k"}, {"question": "What are the chances my daughter's new doctor will read through her medical records?", "description": "I have a daughter, 9F 60 lbs, with a history of severe congenital heart defects and a traumatic brain injury. We moved overseas recently. Since January my daughter has been having more and more seizures despite being on medication. Most recently, her seizures are preceded by chest pain. I've been in communication with her new neurologist's nurse and I've just sent him her complete medical records. It's almost 1,000 pages. What are the chances her doctor will read through it? Should I go through them and highlight relevant information?", "answer": "Personally I think the previous doctor should hand over to the new doctor with a summary or a telephone conversation. It doesn't/shouldn't have to be a forensic 1000 page review by a doctor on receipt of a new patient.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g5dypk", "comment_id": "fo3zho1"}, {"question": "My sister 27f is a homeless heroin and meth addict. Was in the hospital with endocarditis that moved to her lungs. She checked her self out after being there for 2 days", "description": "So like the title said my sister 27F 100lb is homeless heroin and meth addict she smokes cigarettes and is hiv+. \n\nShe had the Dr tell my mom over the phone what was going on.\n\nAnyways my mom told me the growths in her lungs were cotton ball sized. The Dr's wanted my sister to stay in the hospital/skilled nursing facility for 6-8 weeks to get Iv antibiotics. My sister checked herself out 2 days in so she could get high I'm assuming. \n\nHow long do you think she has/ anything I can do?", "answer": "She needs to get on methadone or buprenorphine through an addiction service, and to be on therapeutic doses of the same. Take away the chaos and then access mental health supports for whatever is going on underneath the self-medicating. And go from there.\n\nIf she can get access to naloxone, that would be a lifesaver.\n\nThe big caveat as others have said - this is applicable only if she wants it (assuming she has the capacity to make informed decisions about her welfare). People are allowed to make unwise decisions in life, even if it causes their death...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g4se7d", "comment_id": "fo065u5"}, {"question": "The Proven Heart Healthy Benefits of Moderate Alcohol Consumption!", "description": "Have you ever spoken with someone about your decision to SD, have them get a bit defensive, and then mention the heart healthy benefits of drinking 1-2 glasses of red wine per day? (BTW, nobody I know who has raised this objection to me CONSISTENTLY stays within that limit.)\n\nThen you go on the Web and see that a lot of conventional advice repeats this claim? That said, unconventional plant-based doctors like Joel Fuhrman advise that no alcohol consumption is best.\n\nWell...I had a physical this morning and asked my doctor, \u201cIf I walked in here with the exact same health stats that I have right now as a non-drinker, would you suggest I take up drinking a glass or two of red wine to improve my heart health and longevity?\u201d\n\nShe said, \u201cDefinitely not. Despite what you may read and hear, all available research that suggests this stands on shaky ground and is inconclusive. And/or it\u2019s based on correlation and not causation. While I urge my patients to drink no more than moderate amounts if they want to, I would never suggest anyone take up drinking for health reasons. And I\u2019d hope no responsible physician ever would.\u201d\n\nThis may seem like common sense, but am I the only one barraged with the, \u201cHey, a little bit, in moderation, is good for you.\u201d\n\nReason for this post: I\u2019m trying to reprogram myself to remove the desire for alcoholic beverages. This is one line of code.", "answer": "That is an old way of thinking that has been proven false. Drinking alcohol in any quantity is not beneficial to your health. That being said, many people still say this as it is true, including some physicians unfortunately. Same thing when it comes to only having a glass of wine while pregnant. Some physicians still say this is okay, when it has been shown that ANY amount of alcohol could potentially have catastrophic effects on the unborn child. It\u2019s like playing Russian roulette with your pregnancy", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "c2mkai", "comment_id": "erld1wm"}, {"question": "Psychologist or a Psychotherapist", "description": "Hey guys!!\n\nBeen suffering pretty badly from feelings of anxiety and depression for most of life (21 years old). I feel like a lot of it is who i naturally am as a person as well as life events. I have not been diagnosed with anything and have finally decided to seek help. Would it benefit me more to see a Psychologist or a Psychotherapist, and are there many major differences between the two?\n\nReason why I'm asking is because some people online have said that Psychotherapists do not diagnose and only help with CBT and take a more \"therapist\" way of dealing with issues, where as psychologists deal more with diagnosing mental illnesses.\n\nTL:DR- No diagnoses, should i see a Psychologist or Psychotherapist??", "answer": "It's all very confusing, let me clarify some terms:\n\nPsychotherapist = anyone who is licensed to provide talk therapy. What *kind* of therapy you get is what we call the \"modality\" or \"theory\": Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy... these are the schools of thought that the therapist have been trained in, and influence what your therapy will look like.\n\nPsychologist = a doctoral level therapist. This person has completed 5-7 years of school and can do therapy, make diagnoses, and do psychological testing.\n\nCounselor = this generally refers to a masters level therapist. They have completed 2-3 years of school and can do therapy and give diagnoses. They typically cannot do major psychological testing unless they work for a Psychologist.\n\nPsychiatrist = a medical doctor who has specialized in mental health issues. They are the only ones who can prescribe medication. You typically will not get much talk therapy from a psychiatrist, as most focus on med management. Those who also do therapy are typically *very* expensive.\n\nDiagnosis = the label we give to  describe the symptoms that you are reporting, which informs how we formulate your treatment plan. Some issues are very straightforward to diagnose: if you meet the criteria for an anxiety or mood disorder, pretty much any therapist can make that call. Complex issues (e.g. Autism) might require formalized assessment and psychological testing, which is pretty much the only time when you would *need* to see a psychologist.\n\n**Who should you see?** Generally speaking, research shows that the college degree of a psychotherapist doesn't make too much of a difference in their overall effectiveness. What matters more is 1) how good of a fit are they for you, and 2) how well trained are they in the specific areas that you need help. Look for someone who you feel comfortable with, and who is knowledgeable about anxiety and depression. I  like websites like Psychology Today or GoodTherapy, because they allow you to review a therapist's profile and choose someone who seems like a good fit.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hj8c7w", "comment_id": "fwltt5p"}, {"question": "Girlfriend and I broke up on good, speaking terms; what is the best way for me to go about this, in regards to how I treat her?", "description": "We truly love each other, there weren't infidelity issues, and we're both generally good people.\n\nShe and I met, things were great. Natural and positive. Great communication.\n\nThe reason we broke up, was due to her choice. She is 22 and has been meaning to \"find herself\" since before she met me. She has an opportunity to go to France for three months, all expenses paid. I'm happy she has such an opportunity, because it is exactly what she needs.\n\nRight now I'm a little hurt, and I am doing my best to prevent my past with other girls affect how I view this situation, and her.\n\nI basically just want to know how to be \"the best ex-boyfriend possible\", so that I don't act like a douche, or base my actions on resentment. Things like my demeanor or tone, the subjects of discussion, and frequency of contact, etc.\n\nI truly love this girl, and want her to be happy.", "answer": "Contact her if you want to talk to her, but don't go out of your way and do it much more infrequently than you did when you were dating. If she calls you or texts you, that's great--but don't jump the gun to reply.\n\nLimit your physical contact.\n\nDon't hang out with her one-on-one.\n\nBe civil. Don't be a douche. It doesn't sound like you'd go that way in the first place, but don't act really jealous if she dates another guy and don't act like you're feeling possessive of her even if you are feeling that way.\n\nMy best advice for you would be to limit contact with her until you don't feel hurt or otherwise romantically engaged. Granted, I don't know if that's applicable in your situation, but my fear for you is that you're going to fall back into treating her like your girlfriend again and you'll end up in bed with her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "u4r8t", "comment_id": "c4sbhpg"}, {"question": "Is this valid in an argument?", "description": "Hi. I had an argument with my bf recently and I feel very out of touch with reality considering the way he twists things around. So, I ask you, is this scenario valid to use in an argument? \n\nPartner 1 fucks up. Said partner apologizes profusely for the fuck up but partner 2 does not have it and won\u2019t even acknowledge the attempted apology. \n\nWeeks earlier the other partner fucked up in a different, but more serious way. Partner 1 was devastated and angry but agreed to hear partner 2 out, which led to a positive resolution. \n\nNow, partner 2 says that using the example of the way partner 1 reacted about partner 2\u2019s fuck up is invalid because you can\u2019t bring up things from the past. Partner 1 did not bring up the mistake, but rather the way the mistake was talked about and dealt with, and asks for the same respect partner 1 gave partner 2 during their fuck up. \n\nIs that valid? ", "answer": "It's valid, sure, but it's useless if the other person won't listen/acknowledge the point. \n\nI find that when in a stalemate with someone who doesn't seem to be understanding my point of view, they are probably feeling the same. \n\nThe quickest way to de-escalate an argument and get someone to pay attention to what you say (in a later step) is to acknowledge their point/feelings. period, end of sentence. \n\nNot: \"I see where you're coming from, but _______\"\n\nMore like: \"you're feeling angry because I _______.\" Then just let it be. They'll be taken aback that you heard them and literally won't be able to respond the same way as if you had said the above statement. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "80tu96", "comment_id": "duy7cum"}, {"question": "[27F] Need Help Deciphering Doctor's Visit Notes", "description": "Hello, \n\nI am a 27F Height: 5'6\" Weight: 230 Medical Conditions: no diagnosed medical conditions  \n\nI went in for my physical last Friday, (Jan 2020) but have yet to receive some of my blood work results. I was reading through my doctor's after-visit notes on my online medical chart and noticed that she wrote:\n\nHIV (15-65 yo): No results found for: HIVAB\n\nHowever, this same doctor wrote this on my physical last year (Feb 2019):\n\nHIV (15-65 yo): No components found for HIVABSCN\n\nDo those things mean the same thing? Or have my 2020 annual physical results not been analyzed yet? If not, what does \"No results found\" indicate? I am unsure of the difference in medical shorthand?\n\nAny experience or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "That's probably automatically generated boilerplate that's supposed to comment on HIV antibody screening. No such screening was done, so there are no results. If you aren't sexually active, or say you aren't, your doctor might skip the screening as pointless. If it was offered and declined, it wouldn't show up. Whatever the reason, you weren't screened for HIV.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eosi6a", "comment_id": "feeuaq2"}, {"question": "Speaker Phone in Meeting", "description": "What are your thoughts on someone repeatedly listening in on an AA meeting, that is taking place in a treatment center, via speaker phone?", "answer": "It's hard to tell without more information. Are you talking about a situation where a former client calls in to a meeting that is being held in a treatment center? And I assume that current clients are attending the meeting that the person is calling into? For a regular AA meeting you would definitely need to get a group conscience on it. Since it's at a treatment center (I'm assuming in the US?) it gets even more complicated as they may be running afoul of patient confidentiality laws. The US law is especially stringent in terms of rules for substance abuse treatment and confidentiality. I would definitely bring this up with the counselors/admin as well as in the meeting's next business meeting.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "67kwue", "comment_id": "dgri1d2"}, {"question": "Therapists, if one session runs late, what do you do with the next session?", "description": "Im talking like 10, 15, 20minutes late, mayeb because this client needs to be hospitalized or something and youre trying to make the arrangements. What do you do with the next session? Like how does that go?", "answer": "If I needed to hospitalize a client, I'm generally cancelling my sessions for the next few hours as it can be a lengthy process.  \n\nIf I'm 10-20 minutes late, I'll usually have my client notified that I'm running late, let them know if they can wait, I'll still see them for their full session, if not, we'll reschedule and they won't be charged.  \n\n\nUsually I'll have a cancellation or a break that gets me back on track or someone in my schedule will be 15 minutes late or so.  If this is the case, I won't give them their full session, it'll be their full session minus however late they were and then I'll be back on track.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bktlv5", "comment_id": "emr0lp6"}, {"question": "Advice on x-ray performed by chiropractor", "description": "Age:30\nSex:Male\nHeight:6 ft 0 in\nRace: White\nDuration:On and off for about 5 years. \nLocation: Lower back pain that will radiate to upper leg. \nhttp://imgur.com/a/XyYkX\n\nI went to the chiropractor, I've been dealing with on and off again lower back pain for 5 years now. Previously it only flared up when I over exerted myself lifting or exercising too hard. Well I've been driving a lot longer distances for work(I work outside walking around in sand and uneven surfaces) this has been causing the back pain to be near constant during the week. The pain is manageable rarely more than a 5 only a few times in the last 5 years has it caused me to be laid up and unable to do much of anything(less than 3 times). So being fed up with being in pain I decided to go to the chiropractors office, he took 2 x-rays and the front x-ray shows that my L5 is not in alignment. He says he can fix it but to me a vertebrae that is rotated requires more serious medicine. Any advice is welcome, should I seek a spine specialist?", "answer": "It's strange, because even I (a psychiatrist) can tell this looks normal. Another warning about the use of chiropractors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xhg2j", "comment_id": "dej70xg"}, {"question": "Alcohol is the True Opiate of the Masses", "description": "It's a form of incarceration. It is the true opiate of the masses. And were I a believer in conspiracy theories, I'd say that \"they\" (the powers that be) want us to remain addicted to booze so that we won't realize what's being done to us. \n\nI was thinking about all the really successful people out there. You know who I mean, The richest of the rich, the Richard Branson, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk types who are the movers and shakers of the global economy. These people rarely have drinking problems. They either drink moderately by having a glass of wine with dinner or a pint of craft-brewed beer after work, are in recovery because they realized that booze was bringing them down, or they don't drink at all.\n\nWhy is this true? Because successful people realize that too much booze sucks the life out of you. It dampens your creative juices and diminishes our drive to accomplish things. It's a fucking poison that most powerful people stay away from.\n\nAlcohol is a huge time sucker that interferes with growth on a personal, social and business level. I realize now what it has done to my life and I refuse to let this shit continue.", "answer": "Read any Allan Carr recently? Always worth another pass. Just like Alan Watts, it just gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5xu23p", "comment_id": "delngy2"}, {"question": "How to handle 6 year old pulling away since quarantine?", "description": "Asking here as my 6 year old's therapist has not been able to confirm she can be paid via zoom sessions and left trying to figure out my 6 year old's situation. He sees a therapist for anxiety/ oppositional behavior. Just before the pandemic when we saw what was coming, we left the city for a house in the country and my husband also lost his job. I've spent 10,11 hours a day on rolling calls trying to save mine and my team members and my husband has done most of the parenting. I'm sure all this has thrown my son for a huge loop; but it is manifesting in anger and really just wanting me to go completely away seemingly. When I try to spend time with him he mostly seems not happy about it. What can I do to bond and repair and help him?", "answer": "So many kids are struggling right now with this quarantine. \n\n1. Previous routines are gone.\n\n2. Active play is greatly reduced .\n\n3. Social connections are severed. \n\n4. Parents are stressed financially,  worried about the present and future. Some couples are arguing more.\n\n5. Space in the home is different and compromised,  as parents are working from home and kids are doing school work. \n\n6. Many kids have increased their screen time,  which has a huge impact on behavior and regulation. \n\n7. What else?\n\nYou can't fix this situation,  but you can address these changes to the best of your ability in whatever way works best for your family . Routine and physical activity are really important for young kids , and a primary stressor during this time.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fyvbzl", "comment_id": "fn39u9s"}, {"question": "Missed lexapro and now feel like garbage", "description": "I missed my lexapro dose this morning. I drove home during lunch to get it but I have been feeling anxious and in a bad mood all day. It's 4pm now and I'm in the gym. I have done an okay workout (kinda sub par) so far, just treadmill, stretching and bike, and I feel slightly better but not as good as I thought I would feel after forcing myself here. I promised myself I could skip my last class if I worked out, but I am almost done working out and I don't feel like I would feel any better whether I am at home or in class anyway. \n\nDoes anyone have experience missing doses? I am new to lexapro, I used to be on Zoloft and it was not nearly as finicky about the time of day I take the dose. I used to take Zoloft at night but lexapro causes insomnia if you take it at night so I've been taking in the mornings, and obviously it hasn't stuck yet!", "answer": "I've missed doses (not lexapro, but effexor) and it sucks, but you did a great job just getting into the gym. I wish I could offer more potent words of wisdom to you, but all I can say is that you just have to keep reminding yourself of why you're doing what you do. ", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "3nm9t1", "comment_id": "cvpc6bx"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "I've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and I finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago.  I thought I'd be there longer but it was almost a week so I guess that's long enough.  It wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either.  I feel like I got a lot of help and I'm surprised that I feel better coming out of it than going in.\n\nThings I disliked:\n\nThe strip search.  I tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\".  Had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches.  It was uncomfortable for everyone I can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time.  \n\nThe closed and sterile setting creeped me out.  Everything was so clean and so safe, its not what Im used to.  I know it's a hospital but it's still weird.\n\nBed times, as an adult I actually had a bed time.  Most of the time I didn't sleep and I didn't sleep much at all during the six days I was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol.  I tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly I cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than Ive read in years.  When you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.\n\nNo cursing.  I was told this in the common area that I curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor.  When I first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room.  And we were all adults.\n\nThe showers were communal.  Had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.\n\nI had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (I voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if I got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges.  I felt like I was in prison when they told me that.\n\nThey made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good.  They thought I might be developing an eating disorder.  Having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat.  Ate a lot of seafood.\n\n\nThings I liked:\n\nI liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time.  I thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me.  I basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that I'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.\n\nThe orderly were actually very nice.  I asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do I do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you.  Surprisingly I had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because I wouldn't get off of it.  That was also an annoying aspect, I'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes.  Was very annoying not having my own phone.\n\nThe visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour.  Helped me through the isolation.  I assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail.  \n\nI drew a lot.  A lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, I thought it'd just be fruity nonsense I wouldn't be able to use.  But I drew a lot to express myself.  I guess kind of childish but I liked doing it.\n\nThe patients were nice, I was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.\n\nI feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me.  Only time will tell, but I think this was the right choice to make.\n\nThey told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if I need to, Im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.\n\nOverall, I'm glad I did it, but it still felt like I was in a cushier jail.  But I think it saved my life, for now anyway.\n\nThey set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them.  So hey, I'm not dead, not yet anyway!  All I could ask for.", "answer": "Awesome! Glad you shared your experience. I hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "fehwcun"}, {"question": "Is name calling ever acceptable in a healthy relationship? Or is it emotional abuse?", "description": "I am not referring to swearing at eachother such as \"what the fuck\", or \"im fucking pissed\". I am talking about people who call you names DIRECTLY when mad or when confronted with something that they don't like. I am asking this because I just broke up with a guy who during the span of our long distance relationship called me quite a few colorful names. Among them were \"dumbass bitch, bitch, The C word a few times, idiot, retarded bitch, whore (when he was suspecting me of cheating), referred to me as a slut) among those things he took cheap shots at my character anytime he got really upset. In my opinion I believe these things are absolutely unacceptable and I should have gotten out a lot sooner. I want to be with a man, not a baby who has to express himself in such a way. It got to the point where I started doing the same thing back to him and I feel awful about it. So what do you think folks? Unacceptable and do you consider this emotional abuse? ", "answer": "Name calling is NEVER acceptable. It is emotional abuse.  (I'm a therapist)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on0dr", "comment_id": "dckjx6q"}, {"question": "How do a get a child to engage in therapy?", "description": " I am an in-home therapist, I usually work with teenagers but I am currently working with a 10 year old foster child, what are some good techniques to get the youth to engage? he gets distracted easily and plays with his toys at the house or wont engage as often as I would like, he has mild tourettes syndrome.", "answer": "When I worked with kiddos 10 and under I unitized a lot of play therapy and therapeutic games. There\u2019s some great books out there with activities for kiddos as well. You can find out a lot working through the child\u2019s language of play. So even if they have their own toys you can use those in a therapeutic way as well. Tracking what they\u2019re doing, having them tell you what they\u2019re doing (a lot comes out this way without having to ask questions that you might with older kids and adults).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eljd14", "comment_id": "fdjf7sw"}, {"question": "Did Yasmin affect your libido and/or ability to orgasm?", "description": "I've been having a really low libido since I started taking Yasmin. I want to enjoy making love with my boyfriend, but my body doesn't seem to respond physically. I'm having a hard time getting turned on. I have trouble reaching orgasm. My boyfriend thinks it's his performance in bed that's causing the issue, but I have my suspicion Yasmin has a role in it. Last night he climaxed before I could, and he felt horrible since he always lets me go first or goes with me. ", "answer": "Def flattened my sex drive when I took it. Not as badly as ortho tri cyclen or ortho lo, but palpably. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "99sga9", "comment_id": "e4rcvca"}, {"question": "ZOOM participation", "description": "I\u2019ve always felt a significant urge to participate in class when it was held in person. For classes that weren\u2019t everyone\u2019s favorite, it often left the room silent after the professor was finished speaking and asked for questions or comments. It may just be a symptom of being hyper empathetic, but regardless of how anxious it made me to speak aloud in front of so many people, I felt it was my responsibility to fill each silence so the professor didn\u2019t feel like a failure. It was almost as if the lengthy quiet pauses in the room were more uncomfortable than anything else...\n\nAnd now that college/university courses are all moved online, I am feeling the same tendency to make up for everyone else\u2019s lack of interest and attention. Yesterday for example, every single person in my class (12 students) turned off their screens/video only 5 min into the 2-hr long session. I felt paralyzed with panic-should I turn mine off and blend in? Or should I keep mine on out of respect and to let the prof know she isn\u2019t utterly alone? Well as painful as it was...I kept mine on. My professor\u2019s spirit looked absolutely broken all throughout the session. With two kids at home and 2 jobs all online now, I couldn\u2019t understand why others didn\u2019t feel equally compelled to show her some support in this small way. \n\nDo any of you have similar feelings or stories to share? Sending this whole community lots of warmth and fuzzy feelings during this chaotic time!\n\nTLDR: Urge to participate in classes (physical or digital) to fill each uncomfortable silence and support professor. Very grateful for this community for making life a little less chaotic!", "answer": "As someone who has worked as a professor and has a lot of professor friends, I'm sure your professor SO appreciates your engagement!! It is so hard and demoralizing to teach when your students are completely tuned out. You extended some real kindness and respect to your professor. I wish more people were like you!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "futmig", "comment_id": "fmgclnw"}, {"question": "Nocturia", "description": "Had anyone had a hormonal imbalance that caused excessive urinating at night? I thought it was the spironolactone but discontinued that months ago and it\u2019s still happening. I\u2019ve read up on nocturia and saw it can be hormonal. I\u2019m on LoLoEstrin Fe. Anyways it\u2019s annoying and interrupting my sleep! Anyone else? Thanks!", "answer": "Have you ever tried Berberine to help with levels? I eat pretty well and walk daily. I liked the pdf you shared it was informative. I\u2019ll certainly consider switching from LoLoEstrin...just worried because it has been the only one that hasn\u2019t affected mood, usually BC historically makes me so irritable and moody! Anyways thanks!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "csrk7d", "comment_id": "exjohew"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me", "description": "I don't know. I feel so empty all the time. I am incapable of distinguishing between my emotions. I just can't. I don't know if I'm feeling happiness, or sorrow. The only thing I know is my rage. It boils up like lava, filling me like a drug. Once I feel it, I want to hurt what ever angered me, even if it's completely irrational. For example, once I got annoyed by my older sister. My anger filled me, and I just wanted her to hurt. I ended up scratching her hard enough for it to scab over. She would occasionally show it to me. I guess it was to make me feel guilty. I guess I was wrong to get physical, but I felt... nothing. I felt that terrible emptiness everytime she showed me. I said sorry, but I didn't mean it. And for so long, my mood could swing so quickly. I could be smiling at one moment, and then one tiny insignificant thing could enrage me the next. And I can switch between the personality masks I made for myself so fast. Usually, I pretend to be this bright, happy-go lucky girl. But I'm so tired of pretending to be happy. Hell, I felt so bloated after eating dinner that I went into the bathroom, inserted two fingers into my mouth, and debated if I should purge myself, and likely give myself bulimia as well. I ended up not, as I decided I just didn't care. Every time I feel like I may feel something other than anger, it slips away. My friend told me that I may be bipolar, but I would like to hear other people's opinions. It may be genetic, as my oldest sister (not the one I scratched) behaves similarly. She could be happy and laughing one moment, then screaming and cussing the other.\nI made this account today, so excuse any poor formatting.", "answer": "Doesn't sound like bipolar.\n\nHave you ever heard of alexithymia?  Give it a google and see if it resonates with you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "egmf08", "comment_id": "fc7lm5u"}, {"question": "Depression, but I know the cause?", "description": "I\u2019ve recently started seeing a therapist. While the sessions have been OK, I think I may need more help. I\u2019m crying myself to sleep every weeknight. I\u2019ve lost the motivation to do one of the few things I love (cooking), choosing instead to just lie in bed (often crying some more). I\u2019ve felt empty and drained for so long. \n\nI guess my question is, is it reasonable to give medication a try if I know the primary driver of my sadness? While I do have some family/relationship/personality issues that I am trying to work on, it is my job that is causing the bulk of my pain. It is 8+ hours of dread, fear, and frustration, and it is near impossible for me to not let it poison the remainder of each day. I am trying to get into a better situation, but even that is made more difficult when I feel so beaten down and hopeless every evening. \n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "This is really a question to ask a psychiatrist and not a therapist.  As a therapist though I'd say it's definitely worth talking to a psychiatrist though and seeing what they think.  Ideally in therapy you should be working towards either finding a way out of that job or finding some way to cope so that it's not so stressful, but in the meantime, I imagine you'd like to stay stable enough to hold down the job until something better comes along for survival sake?  If so, if medication is what helps you maintain so you don't have a breakdown, I don't see anything wrong with that.  \n\n\nIt's always much easier to get a job while you have one than to get one when you're unemployed, especially if you end up unemployed for a while.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebxf6r", "comment_id": "fb82vt9"}, {"question": "Medication: what has/has not helped?", "description": "I'm a 26 year old aspie woman with a history of misdiagnosis...es...is... Whatever the plural is. I've been on various pills over the last ten years, none of which really seemed to do me much good. \nI've found the only thing that consistently works with minimal side effects is cannabis, but that's all tied up with my nicotine addiction and now I'm feeling trapped in a cycle of smoking every day.\nI don't like SSRI's much, especially Efexor, and I found Risperidone just made me more naively trusting, leaving me even more vulnerable to douchebags. \nSorry if it's a bit of a long ramble, I'm thinking about asking my Drs for meds, but I'm not sure which ones, or how much, or whether I'm better off just fighting through my nicotine addiction and trying to limit my pot usage. \nSo my question: what has/ has not worked for you? \n\nEDIT: I wasn't very clear at all, I should've said: what medications did/didn't work for associated depression, anxiety etc. Sorry. :( ", "answer": "There are NO medications that have been extensively supported to reduce the symptoms of autism/Asperger's syndrome.  There are only a few case studies (studies by individual psychiatrists studying 1 or two individuals at a time for a period of a year or less).  To put that in perspective most drugs (like SSRI's) are tested on thousands of people for several years before they are approved for public use for a specific illness.\n\nIf your doctor is trying to medicate Asperger's, you are going to the wrong doctor.\n\nThat being said, asperger's often comes with anxiety and depression.  In these cases, Aspies have been shown to respond similarly to others.  Individual aspies, including myself, often report little positive effect and extreme side effects when using anti-depression or anti-anxiety meds.  However, this is normal for pretty much everyone.  It can take years, trying one medication after another (a few months at a time) to find what medication works for an individual.\n\nMedications that effect the brain are highly individual for everyone and psychiatrists aren't even entirely sure why a med that works for one person doesn't work for another.  That is why prescribing these sorts of meds is often a drawn out guessing game.\n\nI guess what I am saying is that you shouldn't seek medication to change your Asperger's, only depression/anxiety that comes with it.  The most effective treatments for Asperger's are social skills training (or even active self-education) and individual/group therapy to increase your self-acceptance and learn how to adjust your lifestyle (and not blame yourself for what you can't change).\n\nEDIT:  As far as pot is concerned, I don't have a problem with it and it seems to be an effective treatment for all kinds of problems.  Of course, it also has unintended effects that need to be kept in check, especially if you are a daily user.  That could be anything from lack of motivation to stoned driving/working.  Many regular pot users are aware of the side effects and how going overboard can have negative effects, while others blind themselves to it.  The only reason I don't do it is because the legal hassle isn't worth it for me and individual and group therapy have done a great deal of good for me.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1emsvu", "comment_id": "ca1vlg0"}, {"question": "Finding a therapist seems impossible now", "description": "I am having the hardest time finding a therapist and I want to give up and just watch youtube videos of therapy and read self help books.\n\n​\n\nI just ended it with my 5th one this year because she made me feel like a dollar sign.\n\n​\n\nI went to her because she was willing to work with me for $75. She is a Psychologist.I am sure she is well educated. Her market rate is $180. She asked ME what price worked for me and it was set. Or so I thought. Now today during our session all she was focused on was a 'scholarship agreement\" where she would see me for 30 minute sessions instead of the agreed upon 45 minutes because her reasons are as follows:\n\n​\n\nfair practice dictates that she cannot offer me lower price than other clients\n\nif she agrees to $75 then the minutes will need to be lower\n\n​\n\nI just felt like a dollar sign and I told her that.\n\nI am trying so hard to improve and I have done a lot on my own. I cut out my vices..alcohol and cigs..I practice mindfulness..I do CBT workbooks etc but I cannot find a therapist I trust or who I think has my best interest at heart.\n\n​\n\nIt is so frustrating and now all I want to do is have a beer. \n\n​\n\nI understand therapy is expensive but she agreed to do $75 so why is she focusing so much on that now? \n\n​\n\nMy only other option is to ask my parents to pay for my therapy but I don't want to do that because they have a history of using money as power and guilt tripping me for shit and I don't want to risk that again.\n\nExample: they pay for my therapy and then make me feel guilty for not calling often enough or eventually decide they can't pay anymore and I will be stuck and unable to afford therapy and maybe a meltdown ensues. \n\nso I prefer to do it all on my own so I wont have to deal with the rug being pulled out from underneath me in the future.\n\nI also have a disorder that is highly stigmatized so not even mental health professionals want to deal with me and every time I go to a new therapist and have to re-explain myself and my life story it just gets exhausting.\n\n​\n\nI need advice.\n\nShould I see if my parents will pay it so I can find someone who is decent and money won't be an issue? They said they want to support me any way they can..but again..past experience dictates that they will blackmail me eventually if I don't do what they want me to do.\n\nShould I just try to get better on my own? It feels impossible.\n\nShould I keep shopping around and hope to find someone who will work with me for my price and not waste a whole session discussing it and who will see me for longer than 30 mins? I need more than 30 mins a week. It just doesn't feel like enough.", "answer": "Oh gosh. I don't have time to say everything I want to say right now. But this therapist is behaving poorly in a number of ways. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "acxzo4", "comment_id": "edbrwcf"}, {"question": "Shortness of breath but all physical tests came back negative", "description": "My doctor is stumped. I'm not sure what to do from here. I did all sorts of physical tests including blood work (for pulmonary embolism), urine test, blowing into a tube, and a heart electricity scan thing. All negative.\n\nDoctor said it must be anxiety so I'm on anxiety pills. But the shortness of breath still occurs sometimes. It comes in waves of a few days. It makes my hand numb from taking in too much oxygen.\n\nI've had it for as long as I can remember (extends into my childhood) but it's only ever been a minor inconvenience, happening maybe for a few hours. Last year it lasted for a whole week so I went to my doctor. It's been happening on and off now every few months for a span of a few days. I've been on the anxiety pills since last year.\n\nI can occasionally catch my breath by yawning.\n\nWhat else could it be?", "answer": "Which anxiety meds are you on?\n\nEdit: youve had all the appropriate tests, so I think being trialled on anti-anxiety meds is correct.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "547zeq", "comment_id": "d80fij9"}, {"question": "Going into week 3 of common cold", "description": "Age: 19\n\nSex: female\n\nHeight: 5'0\n\nWeight: 11 stone 10lbs ish\n\nRace: white British \n\nDuration of complaint: around 2-3 weeks\n\nLocation: UK, on body it changes. Mostly hip and head. Currently, throat, nose, head, hip\n\nMedical issues: none except perhaps \"weak lower back\" \n\nMeds: provera but last dose was September (one a day for a week every 3 months) \n\nOkay so I got what I think/thought was a cold around the 10th of this month. I mostly had a headache, a blocked nose, dizzy spells, trouble digesting (needed a watery shit every morning) and lots of sneezing for the first week. Weirdly no cough/sore throat, but pain in my left hip every time I move it, step on my left leg and it gets worse in evenings, meaning I stay up really late sometimes because I just can't sleep. I don't know how that relates to a cold but it started with the start of this illness. I've always had lower back problems, so it might be related? the pain in my hip has spread down my leg a little and to my lower back but still mainly on my hip. It stops hurting if I stay sat/lay for a while. I didn't have much of an appetite until the end of the week and lived mostly on toast. \n\nIn the second week a lot of the same, but I started losing my appetite as quickly as I got it, lots of false hope there haha. I started getting a bit of a sore throat, like it's Swollen, possibly my glands?\n\nA few days ago I went to the doctors, saw a nurse practitioner and asked about it. She checked my tonsils and they weren't Swollen or anything, I can't remember if she said \"glands are/aren't Swollen.\" she checked my oxygen count which is apparently really good. My temperature is 37c or maybe 32.7c, I just remember 30 and 7. She told me my ears are completely clogged and I need to put olive oil in them and since she mentioned it my ears have been killing. Psychological or do they actually hurt? They also hurt when I swallow. My headache has mostly faded but I can still feel it there and certain things can set it off. Dizzy spells still in full swing if I look around too quick. Also new, jaw ache. Stops me sleeping sometimes. Nurse told me I probably have an upper respiratory infection, aka a common cold, so I feel like an idiot and don't wanna go back now. Kinda thankful I'm jobless as I would've lost it by now, so many sick days..\n\nThis is new in the past few days, I've lived on toast for 2 weeks now but now when I eat it I feel sick. Highly doubt I'll vomit but I don't wanna risk it as I already feel terrible. Yesterday I successfully ate an ice cream and a yoghurt, so it seems I can eat liquidy and sweet food without wanting to throw up? \n\nBasically, I'm confused as to what's going on. I'm sorry this is long and complicated and all mixed up, I'll try do a sum up\n\nOngoing symptoms:\n\n* Headache, most intense in first 1.5 weeks\n* Hip pain, spreading after 1 week\n* Loss of appetite, got it back at end of 1 week but came back\n* Stuffy and very slightly runny nose\n* Sneezing galore\n* Dizzy spells\n\nPast symptoms:\n\n* Issues digesting, a little better now but not fully fixed\n\nNew symptoms:\n\n* Sore/swollen throat, hurts to swallow and this morning, talk, started at 1.5 weeks\n* Jaw ache, started 1.5 weeks\n* Ears hurting, started 1.5 weeks after seeing nurse\n\nIs this just a really long cold or is it something more? I'm getting fed up now and if it continues my mind will end up straying to the dark thoughts of suicide. It's nothing like others have dealt with but this is the worst for me, I don't know how much longer I can handle eating next to nothing and hardly being able to move", "answer": "I'd say it's the cold, albeit one that's lasting a while.\n\n[NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cold-common/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5eu1zi", "comment_id": "daf5opv"}, {"question": "Can you get an imbalance in serotonin?", "description": "So I started taking an SSRI, fluvoxamine, in 2016 for anxiety and panic for about a full year. Then I stopped taking the SSRIs after that full year because I wanted to be independent of them (i.e. flat out stopped taking them, no winding down). Then, after 6 months of little to no anxiety, I started having panic attacks again. Then I went back on the same dosage of those very SSRIs. Noticed they were making me depressed and scared. Also started developing symptoms of a \"silent migraine\" \u2013 dizziness, foggy vision, feeling slightly off balance. Can this be correlated to my experience with this med? I also noticed I didn't have this silent migraine for months, and it recently developed a month ago. So then I deloaded off the SSRI but the silent migraine won't go away. Anyone know why? I went to the doc and he couldn't come up with a conclusion. He said it would go away with time. I should also mention that I did get prescribed panic attack medication, hydroxizine, which I only took once (25 mg), in February. I believe that the dizziness spells (i.e. silent migraine) started happening the day after I took that and won't go away. I should also mention that my state of mind is mostly negative, for example not understanding why the earth exists, being afraid of death, afraid of something bad happening.\n\nMaybe it's all in my head? Maybe I'm just hyperattentive to detail because of my anxiety? My psychiatrist prescribed to me a new med, Luvox; do you think I should take this to try to change my state of mind into a more positive one?", "answer": "Luvox isn't a new med, it's the brand name for fluvoxamine.\n\nIt's hard to know. SSRIs can have side effects, including ones produced by an excess of serotonin. It's hard to know what your \"silent migraine\" is, but it sounds like it seems to happen independent of SSRIs. That could itself be a symptom of anxiety.\n\nThese are things that you should talk about with your psychiatrist. Have you felt better when not taking an SSRI or when you have been, and which SSRI? Which symptoms do you have when?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c9h51", "comment_id": "dxdd528"}, {"question": "The only thing im looking forward to in life is getting fucked up. I have nothing else, idk", "description": "The only thing I look forward to is getting fucked up on LSD, MDMA and, well, anything I can get my hands on. I also play an unbelievable amount of PC games to escape. The idea of working kills me and schooling is hell. I don't know what I am to do...\n- I don't want to work for someone else\n- I want to be constantly fucked up \n- The only thing I look forward to is being out of a sober mental state", "answer": "Oh sweetheart. It\u2019s amazing you realize what\u2019s going on\u2014that you\u2019re trying to escape. All of these are avoidance behaviors, as you\u2019ve already noted, but\u2019s it\u2019s seriously good news that you can recognize it!  \n\nNow for some questions that might help you decide how to proceed: \n\nDo you want to feel better? Are you ready to take some tough but necessary steps to break this demoralizing cycle?\n\nAre you in high school? If so, is there a mental health counselor on campus you can disclose this to? If you\u2019re a college kid, same question. \n\nHow long have you been doing this? The substances in particular?\n\nCan you tell your parents? How will they react?\n\nWhat I want you to know is that a lot of the awful feelings you are having are likely either caused or seriously exacerbated by the chemical imbalances you\u2019ve accumulated from the substance abuse. The good news about that is knowing there is relief on the other side, if you decide to quit. \n\nThe bad news: The longer you keep this up, the harder it will become to quit, and the more difficult the road to recovery. If you think you\u2019re ready\u2014however terrified you feel\u2014please take some steps to get help now. \u2764\ufe0f\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "826wd8", "comment_id": "dv7uamn"}, {"question": "My girlfriend\u00b4s little sister (4) died today a awful death", "description": " \n\nIm sorry for my bad english but I have nobody to talk about this ...\n\nThe little sister of my girlfriend died two hours ago and I had to watch it ...  \nHer body parts got demolished by a motocycle chain that flew around from a bike accident.\n\nI babysitted her and we walked into the city and I bought her ice-cream and we stoud at the street to just enjoy the moment as at once and a motocycle crashed near us with 100 Km/h into a car ( in a zone with a 20Km/h speed limit) and the chain just broke und tored of her head ...\n\nI will never forget this moment when her head hit the ground and her facial expressions ( I cant explain how she watched but it was horror.\n\nI dont know what to do now ... Im very close to kill my self.\n\nI CANT HANDLE THIS SH\\*\\*\\*T RIGHT NOW\n\nPlease guys\n\nCan you please comfort me a bit ...\n\nIm really sorry for my bad english guys ..... ;(", "answer": "I'm so sorry that you experienced something so traumatic. I would suggest calling a Suicide Hotline to process this right away, and they can help find resources for you to see a therapist as you are experiencing something so traumatic. It makes sense why you are still shaken up. I am keeping you in my thoughts.", "topic": "whatsbotheringyou", "post_id": "cn96ot", "comment_id": "ew86fcd"}, {"question": "When you haven't done something for several years and you realize why. [TW] self harm. Poetic? [TW-self harm].", "description": "Last night I was having a tough time.  When I say tough time, I mean checking bus shedules. Not to ride away, but to step off the curb.  I was used to my depression and emptyness.  I can normally supress my self hate through my medication.  A little booze if needed.  But it just was not working.  I opened my desk drawer as usual and saw my razor blades.    Usually I feel repulsed by them, but tonight was different.  I held them, then put them back away.  Not tonight I said.  I'm not that weak.  \n\n\nThen held them again, and decided who was working for ME? tonight.  I tried to put it back away, but as soon as I opened my drawer to put it away, I saw myself make a quick stab at my arm.  I was instantly discusted and ran from my room.  I hid in the bathroom as if nothing happened.  Surely if I hid here, nobody would ever know.\n\nI did it.  I broke my several year streak.  I hated myself.  Yet...I felt better than I could ever recall.  I felt lighter than my 180lbs and smiled.  Smiled and a tear of joy ran down my cheek.   My arm ached. But it was overcast by my joy.  This.  This was why we could not be friends.  This was why I removed this wonferful yet awful escape from my life.  This was why this \"friend\" had to stay in its cage.  While still smiling with joy and in tears i looked at my prior scars.  It was mere minutes before I was in a pool of tears filled with shame.  I felt again.  But at what cost?  I felt joy and hope.  But now I was filled with hate.  Now I wanted to lay in bed and never wake.  Now I wanted to bring my friend out again.  \n\nOnly.... we are not friends.  Friends help each other.  This was not help.  This is why we cannot be \"friends\" and you must remain in your cage.\n\nSigned yours truly.  RangerRickR.", "answer": "Sometimes we need a reminder as to why we don't let certain friends come around. They are manipulative and out for their own self interest and only want you to feel as it feels. You didn't break anything, your resolve was strengthened and showed you are stronger than its grip", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ale8s", "comment_id": "csdssqr"}, {"question": "Crying over losing stuff", "description": "This is probably super random but I hate how I keep losing stuff.It always has to be something important I use everyday and it always ends up making me feel like I'ts the end of the world,no matter how small it is.How do people even lose stuff and still manage to calmly look for it ,not having it ruin their entire day?Here iam,at nearly  12 pm,crying over losing my acne creme like a baby-\n\n\nPutting it in a \"safe place \" doens't help at all bc guess what,I don't have a safe place bc when misplacing these things my mind is totally somewhere else and I end up finding it like a week later in some random place it is not supposed to be in.\n\n\n\nI just want to be normal", "answer": "Everything is always in my car. Or the freezer. The remote control, my cup of tea, everything. It is enraging. I feel like I am always on autopilot.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jmyeva", "comment_id": "gayvxuc"}, {"question": "19- kids will be kids", "description": "My two kids are 3 and 4yrs old. One girl. One boy. They currently want to just play fight constantly, the boy actually ended up with a blood nose today as the sister just ain't taking any of his crap (lol, a body slam with a t rex costume on is vicious no matter what age)\n\nSaying \"noooo stop that\" 500 times a day usually would make me just go nope... Screw it... I'm getting drunk as soon as you both go to sleep. But I spent the evening reading the news and generally not screwing my life up any further.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "I hear ya. I have three boys aged 2 , 5 and 6. Between fighting, breaking everything and eating constantly they have me worn out....however as you say its not a good reason to drink ( what is !).  Imagine these situations with a hangover !! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "95l48r", "comment_id": "e3tknuv"}, {"question": "Advice regarding seeking diagnosis", "description": "25 years old. I've recently been considering that I may have ADHD. Pretty much all of the symptoms struck a chord with me and it might be why I've been struggling so much. I decided that I showed too many symptoms to ignore and have all my life so I booked an appointment with the GP in my university to try to get information and a referral. She told me that there was no way I would have gotten into university with undiagnosed ADHD as I wouldn't have gotten the grades. She wouldn't listen to any symptoms and had made up her mind that I was overreacting.\n\nI then went to my GP in my hometown for another opinion. She's been my GP all my life so I thought she might be more open to my thoughts. She completely dismissed me, calling ADHD a \"fad\" and a \"sexy diagnosis\". She said that seeing as my parents share some of my symptoms that it's just learned \"bad behaviour\" and that some people are just lazy. She treated me like someone looking for drugs and flatout refused to give me any information or a referral.\nI'm so afraid to go looking again as I've already spent so much time and money and I've been left feeling like I'm reading too much into it and really am just disorganised and lazy.\n\nHas anyone had else had any trouble seeking a diagnosis as an adult and how did you get people to take you seriously?\n\nTLDR: Been seeking a diagnosis and been dismissed by two doctors as lazy and unmotivated. Any advice in being taken seriously?\n\nThanks", "answer": "Riiiiight, and of course it's absolutely not lazy and unmotivated to send a patient away with a 'nope, you don't have it  byeee'...\n\nDefinitely find a another doctor. A GP is not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, should not make a formal diagnosis, and should definitely give you a referral. ", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "b9fkdi", "comment_id": "ek48q6h"}, {"question": "I [23F] feel I have some kind of mental illness, my GP doesn't care, my therapist thinks mindfulness & positive thinking will cure me", "description": "My life since early adolescence has been a struggle. My home life as a kid was awful, including so much verbal & emotional abuse at the hands of my batshit mom & alcoholic stepdad as well as sexual abuse from another kid at one point. I spent years self harming, binge drinking and eating, and attempting suicide. I met a boy and now I'm a bit happier. Happy enough to try and get help. My GP gave me an SSRI and told me to book a therapist so I can stop the meds soon. My therapist told me to try breathing exercises.\n\nMy initial reaction to my therapist is anger. I don't think my problems are as simple as breathing, mindfulness. I've tried those methods independently and while they can help, they are not a cure. This SSRI is helping for now, but I don't want to go back to the life I was leading before. Even with my SO, even with the antidepressant, life is a struggle for me. I'm tired of struggling. What do I do? I feel like I want an actual diagnosis or a root cause, but my therapist is saying she sees no personality or mood disorder. \n\nHere are some of my symptoms for reference:\n\n* dissociation/depersonalization/derealization\n* panic attacks\n* constant anxiety over 1 billion little things\n* low self esteem \n* self hatred\n* suicidal thoughts\n* racing thoughts\n* insomnia at times, sleeping too much at others\n* inability to keep to a schedule\n* brain fog\n* cant enjoy anything\n* short attention span and memory \n* constantly tired\n* paranoia \n* super impulsive at times \n* self destructive urges\n* hypersensitivity \n* extremely insecure\n\nHelp.\n\n**TL;DR** my GP gave me an SSRI on the condition I go to therapy, my therapist thinks all I need is the power of positive thinking and mindfulness coping skills. I don't agree and feel there's something deeper.", "answer": "I think you need to talk to your therapist about how unsatisfied you are and name your specific concerns.  She may be able to provide more rationale for her approach or more information about her long term plan for your treatment.\n\nIf she is unable to address them, I would find a different therapist, and discuss with that person during the first session what you feel your needs are and what their approach would be.  You may want to look for somebody with specific expertise in treating trauma if you feel that your childhood experiences are playing a big role.  A good therapist will be able to explain to you clearly what their theoretical approach is, what the goals would be, and what results you should expect (although of course things change as the therapy progresses).\n\nThis is a good article on choosing a therapist: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/14/key-questions-to-ask-when-choosing-a-therapist/\n\nIt's really important to find a good fit, somebody whose style works for you and who has experience working with the kinds of issues that you are dealing with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4nnyvc", "comment_id": "d45gixm"}, {"question": "Cannabinoids and the prefrontal cortex.", "description": "Hi guys. Thought I'd share this review paper in here. \n\nhttp://www.cogsci.ucsd.edu/~pineda/COGS260/marijuana/Cannabinoids%20and%20PFCtx.pdf\n\nIt's a bit of a read, but I find knowing the physiological basis for my feelings helps me work through them a bit better when I'm getting mad cravings. Like a lot of people, I found myself with some memory & attention problems after I started smoking regularly. Knowing there's a bit of science out there confirming that there is a relationship between the losses in memory/behavioural function I experienced and my weed use really motivates me to refrain from smoking, in the hopes that I can slowly improve these things if I work at them...\n\nHope someone out there finds this helpful. Please hit me up if you find any reliable resources regarding marijuana and depression, as well as motivation! Thanks guys.", "answer": "It's not long term, and isn't serious. Youl be okay after a little while when it clears", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "3wwvz0", "comment_id": "cxzptmo"}, {"question": "Just been prescribed sertraline (zoloft) 50mg and feel weird", "description": "Hey guys\n\nAfter many many years of persistent depression I've just started taking sertraline and I feel as though I've had ecstasy. My jaw is clattering away, my eyes keep bulging, I'm restless as hell and I'm chatting so much shit my girlfriend keeps looking at me like I'm a mong. \n\nI know its probably because my serotonin is so low in the first place this feels like a rush but have any of you had similar experiences? \n\nCheers x", "answer": "Yo, I had the SAME exact reaction. I was on it for 3 days experience what I felt was mild tripping. I felt so out of control and told my Dr about it who said \"hmm thags weird but should be normal soon\" \n\nI stopped taking it because I ultimately could not handle it. There are better medications out there ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "44akjb", "comment_id": "czozb6j"}, {"question": "Need help on blood results", "description": "I am white Scandinavian male aged 28, weighing approx 70 kilos, with a height of 182 cm. I am not on any meds, nor do I have any diagnoses. I am physically fit with six pack and all that, though I do a lot of computer work and will soon start working our more actively at a gym.\n\nRecently I have been feeling incredibly fatigued. I get up in the morning, have breakfast and instantly feel like going back to bed or at least lying down. I have had dizzy spells or at least this zombie mode forcing me to go home from the cafes I usually work at. I am so tired nowadays that I cannot go out with friends. I have cold clammy hands and cold feet -> possibly bad circulation?\n\n[Results from blood test](https://pastebin.com/ETFwp7E5)\n\nI could use your opinion on whether or not I might be lacking in vitamin D or something. \nI know my values are apparently within the min / max, but what might be causing my symptoms?", "answer": "I would guess that your symptoms are caused by something not showing up in that bloodwork.\n\nHow long have you had these symptoms? Did they start suddenly or gradually?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b7jiy", "comment_id": "dx4vp5y"}, {"question": "Follow up post with more detailed symptoms described. I'm getting really scared.", "description": "I have the following symptoms which I found in http://schizophrenia.com/earlysigns.htm \nThis is a follow up to an earlier post [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/schizophrenia/comments/2d1j6g/i_have_a_lot_of_symptoms_but_no_hallucinations_or/), but I thought I\u2019ll go into more detail as I\u2019m getting increasingly worried. As I said in my previous post, im 18, a male, no family history that I know off.\n\n- blank, vacant facial expression. An inability to smile or express emotion through the face is so characteristic of the disease that it was given the name of affective flattening or a blunt affect. (not too serious)\n\n--Overly acute senses- lights are too bright, sounds are too loud. (recent)\n\n--Staring, while in deep thought, with infrequent blinking. (done this since young)\n\n--Clumsy, inexact motor skills (had this since young)\n\n--Sleep disturbances- insomnia or excessive sleeping (been swinging between 2 to 12 hours sleep per night relatively unpredictably)\n\n--Involuntary movements of the tongue or mouth (facial dyskinesias). \n\nGrimacing at the corners of the mouth with the facial      muscles, or odd movements with the tongue. (started 1 or 2 years ago)\n\nAn awkward gait (how you walk) (had this since young, getting worse though)\n\n--Movement is speeded up- i.e. constant pacing (not often)\n\n--Movement is slowed down- staying in bed (in extreme cases, catatonia) (no catatonia but I often feel very lethargic for no apparent reason)\n\nExamples of Feelings/Emotions----\n\n--The inability to experience joy or pleasure from activities (called anhedonia) (don\u2019t enjoy almost all things that I used to like and havent found anything new, feels like they are now distractions, not things that I actually like doing)\n\n--Sometimes feeling nothing at all \n\n--Appearing desireless- seeking nothing, wanting nothing\n\n--Feeling indifferent to important events\n\n--Feeling detached from your own body (depersonalization)\n\n--Hypersensitivity to criticism, insults, or hurt feelings\n( all of these started 1 or 2 years ago and seem to come and go lasting a couple of weeks to a couple of months each time. sometimes its really bad sometimes its bearable)\n\n\nExamples of Mood----\n\n--Sudden irritability, anger, hostility, suspiciousness, resentment\n\n--Depression- feeling discouraged and hopeless about the future\n\n--Low motivation, energy, and little or no enthusiasm\n\n--Suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation (almost attempted suicide at one point)\n\n--Rapidly changing mood- from happy to sad to angry for no apparent reason (called labile mood)\n\n(All of these started the same time as the feelings and emotions symptoms)\n\nChanges in Behavior associated with schizophrenia ----\n\n(I\u2019ve managed to keep my life pretty functional but I can relate to many of them)\n\n--Dropping out of activities and life in general (lost interest in music, gaming, reading, things that use to interest me a lot)\n\n--Social isolation- few close friends if any. Little interaction outside of immediate family. ( I actually have quite a lot of friends, however I feel that many of them are going from friends to mere aquaintances, compared to  3 years ago, I feel a lot less close to many friends, I had about 4 people I would have felt comfortable talking to about possibly having schizophrenia, my mother, my brother and 2 friends, now I feel like I have no one. It just seems like they all stopped talking to me of their own volition. Like if I wanted to talk to any of them I needed to initiate, and they just seemed detached, like they don't want to be talking to me) \n\n--Becoming lost in thoughts and not wanting to be disturbed with human contact (spend a lot of time by myself not doing anything besides thinking)\n\n--Replaying or rehearsing conversations out loud- i.e. talking to yourself (very common sign) \n(One of the thing that scares me the most, I\u2019ve always talked to myself a little bit but they were conscious efforts, I find myself having an internal monologue now almost constantly which I sometime have out loud. i also have possible future conversations almost unconsciously, like ill be thinking of who I might have to talk to later and start talking to myself unconsciously rehearsing for said conversation) \n\n--Lack of goal-directed behavior. Not being able to engage in purposeful activity\n\n\n--Deterioration of academic or job-related performance (managed to keep my grades ok but effort and motivation has deteriorated tremendously in past years)\n\n--Inappropriate responses- laughing or smiling when talking of a sad event, making      irrational statements. (not sure if it\u2019s a coping mechanism, I tend to laugh/smile when talking/thinking about my own personal problems, just feels like it makes it less stressful)\n\n--Drug or alcohol abuse (fucktons)\n\n--Smoke or have the desire to want to smoke (70-90% do smoke) - note: this is a very normal behavior for people who do not have schizophrenia also!  (I love smoking)\n\n--Frequent moves, trips, or walks that lead nowhere (not sure about this, I often get walk out of my room and walk down the hallway before I realised that I have no destination. Not sure if its just absent mindedness)\n\n-Ruminating thoughts- these are the same thoughts that go around and round your head but get you nowhere. Often about past disappointments, missed opportunities, failed relationships.\n\n--Directionless- lack goals, or the ability to set and achieve goals\n\n--Lack of insight (called anosognosia). Those who are developing schizophrenia are unaware that they are becoming sick.      The part of their brain that should recognize that something is wrong is damaged by the disease. (I didn\u2019t think there was anything wrong with me until I read the article and found I could relate to a lot of the early symptoms)\n\n--Racing thoughts (happens quite often) \n\n--In conversation you tend to say very little (called poverty of speech or alogia) (with old friends I don\u2019t get this, but with newer people its been happening more and more)\n\n--Suddenly halting speech in the middle of a sentence (thought blocking) (done this since I was little)\n\n--Difficulty expressing thoughts verbally. Or not having much to say about anything. \n\n--Difficulty focusing attention and engaging in goal directed behavior\n\n--Poor concentration/ memory. Forgetfulness\n\n(I\u2019ve always had memory problems, but the concentration issue started ~3 years ago)\n\n\nAs for delusions I don\u2019t really have too much, I sometimes think people are watching me when I\u2019m alone, like they can see out through my eyes sometimes and hear what I can hear, so I don\u2019t do things that I don\u2019t want them to see, or I\u2019ll talk to myself to explain to whoevers watching why im doing something. I sort of understand that that\u2019s silly but it\u2019s something that comes and goes since I was young. The feeling that people are looking through my eyes and whatnot have been getting stronger and much more frequent now. Whenever I\u2019m alone is when it usually starts. I thought that someone I knew was in love with me for a while but I think that was just wishful teenage thinking. Sometimes I think that the universe is trying to tell me something, Like I was in a class some time ago (I\u2019m first year uni) and I saw some writing on the whiteboard which said \u201cHelp is always available if you need it\u201d talking about tutoring and thought it was a sign that I should seek help. (hence this post)\n\nAs for hallucinations, I don\u2019t think I have any. No real ones anyway. I almost constantly hear music in my head but I think its more a case of music getting stuck in my head than hallucinations, like I know it\u2019s not real. It\u2019s not a real sound if you know what I mean. I have tinnitus at 18, I\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s at sign, I never really went through much ear trauma that I know of. Listen to music at an acceptable level etc, went to a few concerts/clubs in my life but nothing crazy. Nothing that would cause tinnitus at such a young age. I\u2019ve been meaning to get it checked for a while but haven\u2019t. overacuteness of the senses is definitely something that\u2019s been starting for a while. I listen to music much softer now, have my computer/phone brightness much lower etc. sometimes just conversational voices indoors seem too loud to me.\n\nSo guys. Could you please help me out? This is about everything I can think of. I don\u2019t entirely want to go to a doctor as I\u2019m still on my parents health insurance so I don\u2019t want them to see that I\u2019ve been seeing someone for schizophrenia, they\u2019re old school and look down at people with bipolar/depression/schizo as attention seekers or whatever. Men have to be men right? Hahahahaa. Anyway. Please helpz\n", "answer": "Frankly, those symptoms you listed sound more like depression, anxiety, and/or ADHD could be the more likely culprit. It is common for people with chronic anxiety to fear \"becoming schizophrenic.\"\n\nStop reading up on symptoms. Anyone can find something online and convince themselves that they have it.\n\nTardive dyskinesia is a side effect of prolonged use of anti-psychotics, not from schizophrenia itself. \n\nThe fact that you think you are experiencing anosognosia means that you aren't experiencing anosognosia. \n\nYour heavy drug use could very well explain many of the symptoms you are complaining of. Many of those problems you listed could either be caused by or are definitely being made worse by substance abuse. If you don't like those problems, try to find a way to quit that substance abuse. Also, heavy nicotine use can actually exacerbate depression symptoms. \n\nSeriously, most of this stuff screams depression and/or ADHD, but Schizophrenia is not likely the culprit. However, I am not your doctor, only he/she can make that determination. If these issues are bothering you, go seek out some professional help (and lay off the substance abuse).", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "2d4qf7", "comment_id": "cjn2a3e"}, {"question": "Request: Pica Cravings", "description": "I'm an adult who's had pica, ocd, and ptsd since childhood. I developed arfid a couple years back after the ocd got worse. Managing things has become easier but recently I'm craving ice, coffee beans, toothpaste, and parafin wax. Any adults ever overcome pica or experienced it alongside other eds? Thanks!", "answer": "I have worked with a lot of patients suffering from eating disorders, and I even wrote my dissertation on EDs, but pica is far too often overlooked, especially in the research.  I do not currently work with the ED population, but I do see it fairly often, probably because I do work in inpatient psychiatric settings.\n\nI'm going out on a limb here, but has any mental health provider (e.g, psychologist, psychiatrist, GP, social worker, etc) ever mentioned a purely behavioral approach towards the cessation or treatment of your pica?  I'm talking Classical and Operant Conditioning.  I'm just thinking out loud (or typing) here, but the goal is to unlearn or modify a behavior that you want to stop, but can't for whatever reason(s).  By pairing, say, parafin wax with a naturally aversive stimulus, the strength of your desire to eat wax would lessen/decrease over time.  With operant conditioning, there are certainly methods of reinforcement/punishment that could be individualized to target your specific behaviors.  \n\nWhat might be tricky is tackling the array of items you find appetizing, and that the list of these items may not be exhaustive.  Creating a hierarchy of the most harmful and appealing down to the least harmful and take them or leave them items might be a possible approach.  \n\nI just want to point out, I am a clinical/forensic psychologist, I am not an expert in purely behavioral approaches, but I have received plenty of training.  I found your case interesting, and I can only imagine how you and many others must feel about living with this.  I just wanted to offer a potential suggestion, which may or may not turn on a lightbulb in your or someone else's head.  \n\nI wish I could have been of more help, but I do wish you the best.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "ecrslx", "comment_id": "fcai5f6"}, {"question": "How to Prep for Psychiatry Appt?", "description": "Hi everyone, \n\nI tend to second guess myself before appointments with a psychiatrist, and I'm trying to go in to my appointment Friday prepared. \n\nThe situation is: I saw this psychiatrist a few times nine months ago, then I went to rehab where a GP managed my meds, and now I want to start working with her again. What pushed me to make the call was I had this strange \"flare up\" of anxiety, then depression... it only lasted a week (been better last few days). Otherwise, I've been pretty stable. \n\nI have a therapist, group therapy, and a \"emotion diary card\" that I fill out every day (ranking the primary emotions 0 - 5).  Most of the anxiety or sadness I experience generally relates to circumstances and isn't an ever-present thing. How can I possibly say if I need a med change, being that my mental landscape is the only one I know? (See, it's confusing!)\n\nHow to go into this effectively? Thank you in advance!! Even minor tips appreciated.", "answer": "Just be very honest with your history and what's been going on.  They may make some changes, they may not.  The absolute most important things when talking to a psychiatrist are as follows\n\n1.  Always be honest with your psychiatrist, especially about any suicidal/homicidal ideation.\n2.  Always be completely honest about whether you have followed medication recommendations and have taken meds as prescribed.  Make sure to let them know if you often forget or skip days.\n3.  Be up front with your psychiatrist regarding any concerns you have about medication.  Remember, just because a psychiatrist recommends something or prescribes certain medication, doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't want to (though you probably should if you trust them).  If you are concerned about certain side effects, want to titrate down, or simply don't want an increase, let them know.  A good psychiatrist will work with you on this.  \n4.  Lastly, always be 100% honest regarding the frequency of drinking/drug use as this can have a huge impact on the effectiveness of medication and could make the use of some medication extremely dangerous.  \n\nIt's hard to imagine because we put doctors and psychiatrists on a pedestal believing they always know best.  After spending years in the field and working with a number of psychiatrists, I've come to realize, it's just a trial and error type thing based off a highly educated guess that is based off of what you tell them.  This is why complete honesty is key.\n\nHope this helps and good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6voo89", "comment_id": "dm27h99"}, {"question": "Aneurysm Question", "description": "ssions. Please include:\n\nAge - 22\nSex - M\nHeight - 5'9\nWeight - 130 \nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - 2 months\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - Ohio, right eye\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - None\nCurrent medications (if any) - None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example) /\n\nI was curious: If an unruptured aneurysm were causing eye pain, would it be constant, or could it be made worse by things like exercise or sodium intake? Would it cause a pressure type feeling before pain? Would it cause nausea?", "answer": "These are theoretical questions which are hard to answer in general. Are you worried you have a brain aneurysm? What are your complaints?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbfbk7", "comment_id": "ekj94uw"}, {"question": "I [25/m] feel I'm setting too high of expectations with my gf [24/f].", "description": "(Sorry if this is long, I wanted to be thorough)\nWe have been dating for 2 years, 4 months, and for the most part it's been an amazing relationship. We get along really well and truly value and love each other. However, I often find myself at times doubting whether the relationship is truly okay, mostly due to our differences in the amount of affection we give each other. I'm a very affectionate person, usually showering with compliments and gifts and overall positive affection towards my gf. She, on the other hand, is a bit more reserved when it comes to showing affection, in which she is a very affectionate person, just a lot more subtle than I am. This is leading me to constantly feel that there's something wrong between us, and that she's not giving me as much affection as I would like. I've tried to address this to her before, and she's communicated to me that she feels that the amount of affection she gives me is \"never enough,\" for me, and that I'm just trying to find a problem. I acknowledge that I may be setting an unrealistic expectation, and I'm sick of trying to argue this with her. I need help in trying to find a balance between us so that we're both content.", "answer": "You can't expect her to be who she's not. Chill. Be yourselves. If she thinks you're too affectionate, she should tell you \" not now\". This chasm can be crossed.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ssidl", "comment_id": "dlfgnf1"}, {"question": "When is it time to move on to a new therapist?", "description": "Beyond inappropriate or unprofessional behavior, when have you realized it's time to move on and either find another person or take a break?\n\nThe idea of starting from scratch is tough but I'm wondering if it'd be worthwhile to try to find someone with a different approach, or if I need to work harder.  How have you made that call and was it worthwhile?", "answer": "I had a good run with my old T. I think she got too comfortable with me, because she talked about herself too much, like I was a friend, when I needed it to be all about me.\n\nI realized I wasn\u2019t looking forward to our sessions anymore when I have always done so in the past with not only her but anytime I was in therapy. I made a switch and am very happy with my new T.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bcnnjl", "comment_id": "eks4xwe"}, {"question": "How long to see a Psychoanalyst?", "description": "I\u2019ve seen a cognitive behavioral therapist in the past on and off for about 4 years, it helped momentarily but my problems were deeper than CBT could handle.\n\nNow I\u2019ve been seeing a psychoanalyst since the end of January, beginning of February 2018, but nothing feels different except my impatience and frustration levels with her have been growing. I don\u2019t feel like I am moving forward, I don\u2019t feel like I know what I\u2019m doing and her response is always just \u201ccome in and talk about whatever, you need to be patient, working through your trauma takes a long time, years.\u201d \n\nHow long do people usually see psychoanalysts? Shouldn\u2019t I feel better, at least a little, instead of progressively worse after a session? I was looking for relief, advice, tools to handle my depression/anxiety/trauma but I just feel more lost than before... how do you know it\u2019s working? Am I expecting too much at this stage? \n\nI need some advice because I am losing hope ", "answer": "I supervise a lot of therapists at a mental health agency where I work.  This is a common topic that comes up and usually leads to a lot of debate and contention.  Different modalities of treatment and personalities of therapists will influence how long they expect treatment to last.  \n\n\nPsychoanalysts are typically taught and trained that the therapy process can and should take years.  Psychoanalysis can work wonders for some people, but it's certainly not the only way.  \n\n\nSome of my mentors and teachers from years ago used to tell us that if either you and/or the client can't tell a noticeable difference in their life or identify progress towards their goals after 1 year, something isn't working.  Either the client is not putting in the work in and in between sessions, the therapist is not doing a good job, or the therapist no matter how competent may not be a good fit for the client.  The ethical thing to do is to transfer the client to someone else.  \n\n\nI, like many therapists, am a very eclectic therapist pulling ideas and interventions from various modalities:  Existential therapy, CBT, ACT, Solutions Focused Brief Therapy, Mindfulness, psychodynamic therapies, etc.  I tailor what I do in session to the clients individual needs rather than work from one rigid framework.  You may benefit from working with a more eclectic therapist.  \n\n\nI've also told my clients, friends, and anyone who asks about this type of thing my general rule.  Give your therapist 3 sessions.  If you don't feel like you click or that you are hopeful about progress being made, change therapists.  Shop around until you find someone who's a good fit for you.  In many cases, if you discuss this openly with your therapist, they should be willing and able to give you some good referral info.  \n\n\nLastly, just for some perspective, while of course there are some exceptions, when I've met with new clients who were very invested in their therapy and had a ton of stuff going on, therapy lasted about 9-12 months.  Therapy was weekly for probably the first 3 quarters of the time, then as they had just about met their goals, bumped to every other week to prepare to discharge.  I've had some clients come back when they felt like they needed a bit of a tune up and might work with me for another 2-3 months to get things back in order  or address a new issue.   \n\n\nMy last piece of advice is to not get too caught up in searching for a therapist with a specific modality of treatment.  Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and can easily connect with is by far more important than what mode of treatment they advertise.  \n\n\nI hope things get better for you soon.  Let me know if you have any additional questions.   \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8slpfe", "comment_id": "e11ou8m"}, {"question": "PCOS with regular cycles?", "description": "Hello! I was told last year by my doctor that based on my blood tests- I had wonky LH to FSH ratios-, increasing facial hair and thinning hair on my crown, that I most likely had PCOS. She wouldn\u2019t perform an ultrasound as she told me it might not prove anything anyway as some people don\u2019t present with cysts. \n\nHere\u2019s the deal- even though I have a slew of other symptoms, my periods are regular, my testosterone is normal and I ovulate regularly. I know that this is not typical with a PCOS diagnosis, so I\u2019m wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed while not experiencing irregularity? Is it possible I am misdiagnosed?\n", "answer": "The PCOS diagnosis is broad. Typically, other adrenal, hormonal and thyroid conditions should be ruled out first before arriving at it, but you probably still qualify per your description. Did they check your glucose / A1Cs? I think women within normal weight ranges can still be insulin resistant. \n\nAs an aside, my understanding is that the bowel issues with luteal and menstrual phases come with excess estrogen or an out of whack estrogen progesterone ratio. Instead of just your uterus cramping, it also sends messages to your digestive tract to cramp too. I\u2019ve read that supplementing with flax can be good  for this (I follow the FLO living protocol).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8qgdi8", "comment_id": "e0j8r1f"}, {"question": "22M - Cutting off FWB 19F", "description": "I have been sleeping with said girl for around 2-3 months now, but I've started becoming increasingly attached and I don't think it's wise to continue with the relationship. I'm on Christmas break from university at the moment, but when I go back I think I need to cut things off with her, there's just a few thing that I'm struggling with.\n\nFirst of all she may not be interested in me anymore like that, but I guess that's just something I'll have to judge for myself.\n\nFor the record, I don't want a romantic relationship with this girl. I can be a very jealous person and have realised that having an FWB that's in your social circle isn't a good idea. \n\nI want to cut things off with her, but I would like to spend one more night with her (probably sounds quite selfish, but there you go). I was planning on talking to her at some point when I return, more than likely when we are at a party and telling her that I don't think we should carry on with this, but she's welcome to stay for the night if she wanted to.\n\nI spoke to a friend about this and he suggested that the above wasn't a good move and would probably be received badly. He said that I should act as if nothing is wrong and spend a night with her, and then speak to her a few days later to say that I think we should stop sleeping with each other for a while.\n\nI really don't know what the best solution is here, well, I guess the best solution is to cut things off without sleeping with her! But there's a part of me that's telling me that's a really good idea, and one I'm finding hard to ignore haha.\n\nAny thoughts or advice would be much appreciated, thanks!", "answer": "i would just tell her now, otherwise you're using her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mss38", "comment_id": "dc61irf"}, {"question": "Advice please", "description": "Okay. So, 2 years ago after a 2 1/2 year relationship and knowing each other 17 years (I am 36, he is 34) my boyfriend and I split up. It was my fault. There was an infidelity on my part about a year into the relationship. It wasnt a long term thing. It lasted 2 weeks and we never slept together. I told him immediately and we tried to work it out for another year and a half but our insecurities caused problems and we ended up breaking up. That was 2 years ago. In the 2 years since then, we have started this on and off sexual relationship. Well sleep together for a month and then he'll push me away for some random reason (like he'll say I asked him a stupid question or something). Then we won't talk for anywhere from a week to a month and a half and then suddenly we'll start talking and sleeping together again. About 2 weeks ago we started sleeping together and hanging out again. He initiated the conversation and then invited me over and it just went from there. When it started he was texting me good morning every morning and chatting me up during the day. Now he's back to hardly talking to me. He'll text me back if I text him but he doesn't initiate it. I want us to move past this relationship into an actual relationship but I'm not sure how to do that. I don't wanna approach the topic because he'll get mad and say I'm pushing and then he'll pull away all together. I'm still head over heels in love with him and I feel like he still loves me too because he keeps coming back but maybe he's scared to have a real relationship with me again? What do you think? Am I just being used or is it possible that he does feel the same? What should I do? How can I move us towards a relationship without pushing? I really need some advice. Please.", "answer": "go to counseling together and work this out one way or another once and for all", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5p0ezp", "comment_id": "dcnhrxy"}, {"question": "Can I (26F) do something about this bad cycle with my boyfriend (26M)? Or am I just too demanding?", "description": "When I (26F) am upset or want to talk about something and send a text to my boyfriend (26M) of 6 years he says it's hard to talk over text, and I can understand that, so I'll stop texting about it and wait to talk later. We live together but he travels sometimes for work, and we don't necessarily have many hours together in the evening. This is probably why I feel the impulse to text him - otherwise, when will be the next opportunity to tell him what I'm thinking about? I don't want it to fester.\n\nBut in his hours at home it seems like my boyfriend wants to relax and he doesn't get back to me on whatever I mentioned during the day, unless I bring it up again and press the issue, which is getting harder to do. Ironically (seeing as I'm doing this emotional labor), one thing I want to talk about is whether he could be more considerate and engage in the emotional labor of the relationship. I'm tired and feel like a nag. Negative things are building up inside as he forgets or doesn't want to talk, and I get progressively more resentful. It's impacting how I behave with him.\n\nHow can I break this vicious cycle? I've told him that I'm feeling strained, that I wish he would reach out more, that we've gotten into a bad pattern of interacting and I'm trying to think of ways for us to reset, and get back to all the reasons why we're together. This hasn't elicited much help - he says I'm too demanding, and will never be satisfied. It sounds like he thinks things would be fine if I stopped having problems in the relationship and were more easygoing. When he does listen to me talk then he is being generous towards me, and I shouldn't expect him to have any response.", "answer": "This is a terrifically articulate, thoughtful post.  He's not prioritizing communication and emotional sharing the way you need him to. If you've hit a roadblock trying to discuss this, I would definitely recommend couple therapy. If he refuses that, than he just might not be the kind of man you want to be with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e84d5", "comment_id": "di8at6z"}, {"question": "I just want you to comfort me", "description": "Maybe I'm too sensitive. Some things get me and I just can't help it. But when I break down in tears, I expect you to be there. To comfort me and ease me out of it. Not to complain about why I didn't say I was feeling like shit before and start a passive-agressive rant.\n\nI don't know why I still hope one day you will actually be there, no judging involved.", "answer": "It is important to be upfront with what we need and what we expect; however we can't be upset when the answer is no. We only have control over what we do and how we react.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fk0yp", "comment_id": "d29l3rw"}, {"question": "Don't know what to do (advice)", "description": "So i met this girl around 2 years ago, we just now decided to do something about it. Although we have always been intimate it wasn't a constant relationship more of a fling. I try talking to her but most of the time i either receive an ok or yes, or some type of emoji for an answer, most of the time i have to make conversation just to talk. She lives close by but has her dads house next to mine and that is how we met. She told me that she wanted to be with me but that she couldnt, and after i expressed that i would do anything including talking to her dad about it she accepted it although when talking about it she mentioned to keep it quite between us and the people who  knew already. I did not think much of it and I'm probably overreacting but i just can't figure out if she truly wants to be with me or she said it just to be nice, keep in my that I'm 4 years older, 20 and she's 16. I don't know how this will be received but if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it.\n\nPs i should also mention that the night she told me that she wanted to be with me she also told me that if i found someone that made me happier to go for, to which i replied the same thing. And yesterday i clarified that i was not going to go around going out with girls. That it would only happen if it occurred naturally. ", "answer": "She seems ambivalent about wanting a relationship. Not surprising, give her age.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tmola", "comment_id": "dllyrg6"}, {"question": "It's been 11 years but apparently my ex is still stalking me", "description": "I just need to say this and there's no one in my life I can tell. \n\nI have this horrific ex; we were engaged, we had a kid (who died), it was this whole thing 11 years ago. He was incredibly, terrifyingly abusive, in literally every sense of the word, and at one point held me hostage. We were together for 18 months, 11 years ago.\n\nWe've been through 4 criminal cases and 5 restraining orders. He's been in and out of jail I don't even know how many times. He's managed to find me eventually after each time, and followed me home from work, or broken into my apartment while I was home, etc etc etc. It's been this whole big thing.\n\nLast August he started calling me from prison (he was doing a 4 year sentence for sexually assaulting his 15 year old sister because what the ever-loving hell is wrong with this world) and writing letters despite a no-contact order. He'd call over 20 times a day sometimes if I didn't pick up, it was this thing. Got bad, I ended up in a psych ward this summer because pills are a thing you shouldn't take too much of. Got therapy, was able to cut contact on my end. He still called all the time but it's been since before the hospitalization that we've actually spoken. \n\nHe hasn't called in 33 days. I've been feeling kinda messed up lately because I knew he was due to be released two weeks ago and currently, he obviously knows how to get in touch with me. But it was two weeks and nothing and today I was actually having a conversation with myself about how it might finally be over, you know? \n\nI've gotten two phone calls in the past two hours from a number I don't know. Ten minutes ago I just got a text from the same number: \"I just got released today. Call me back.\" \n\nIt's totally him and I'm totally freaking out and there's no one I can talk to. It's Christmas, I'm visiting family tomorrow, my parents and my aunt and my sisters and my grandmother, all these people who love and support me through all of this and who I cannot possibly tell because it's Christmas and this is supposed to be resolved and over by now and I can't keep doing this over and over and I'm tired of hurting them and I don't want Christmas to be all about how my life is suddenly falling apart again and everyone being scared and concerned for me.\n\nI just needed to tell someone. I have no idea what to do right now, except go to bed because I have to work in the morning and then drive 4 hours in a giant snow storm. I just needed to tell someone. I hope it's okay to post this here. Thanks.", "answer": "Holy fuckballs, please do pardon my french but that's beyond upsetting and you *do not deserve any of that* and ***THAT MAN IS A SICKO***\n\nI actually had to get a restraining order as well, and after one of many really traumatic violations I ended up moving 2000 miles away. He tried to set my childhood home on fire and made some really vulgar sexual threats. Luckily a security guard overheard and he was ejected immediately. But he's found me twice, 2000 miles away twice now. A last year my neighbor *in Seattle* called the cops because he sat in his car in our driveway all day. \n\nI did call the police probably a dozen times, and went through the whole process of a trial, and a University hearing, and I would urge you to think deeply about it. The culture in America right now is very misogynist--whether they'll admit it or not. I worked in the data office for my University (Yale) my junior year (they recorded everything for grant purposes, or so I was told) and out of the literally *several hundred* gender based and sexual assault, abuse, and harassment cases officially reported by staff for the fiscal year of 2001, only 10 resulted in guilty verdicts and consequences. I was furious. I literally fucking quit. I told them to shove their injustice up their ass. Sexual abuse and domestic violence is so personal, so victimizing, so vulnerable and sensitive, it takes such courage to admit and reach out for help and support. It's just not something that the average person is going to lie about. I mean I'm sure some sicko somewhere does, but that's a tiny tiny minority, that's not a binder full of people. \n\nI would honestly recommend to you, OP, getting a therapist. If you can't access or afford one, I'm actually legit a psychiatrist and while I can't legally give you medical advice via the internet, I would be happy to speak to you as a friend who can empathize and lend a caring ear and perhaps offer some helpful and well educated suggestions if you would be interested. But yeah, for sure definitely feel free to reach out. It's a horrible thing to have to live and cope with, and I feel like, even for therapists, the only people who truly understand are the people who've personally experienced it.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7lef4p", "comment_id": "drm8q3n"}, {"question": "I'm struggling with an issue that might put me in jail if I don't phrase it carefully. How do I ask for help without incriminating myself?", "description": "For obvious reasons, I won't say what it is, but I have this issue that I've dealt with for years now.  It's consumed me and made me hate and doubt myself.  I want assistance with this problem...but I also don't want to be arrested, either.  I want to put the past behind me and move forward.\n\nHas anyone here dealt with a sensitive topic that *could* have resulted in legal trouble if you hadn't managed to convince a therapist you wanted help fixing it?\n\nEdit: I want to put here that I have never hurt anyone and I never want to.  That's why I need help.", "answer": "Therapist checking in. I concur that if you\u2019re dealing with thoughts about, say, underage children, but you haven\u2019t acted on them and aren\u2019t planning to, you should be safe to tell a therapist. We are mandated to report child abuse and to protect people if we believe our patient plans to harm them; confirm this with the person you finally choose to disclose this to if it helps assuage your fear. \n\nPlease do get help, and take the time to try out some therapists who are a) trauma-focused and b) you feel comfortable with. \n\n(I mention trauma because I\u2019m just guessing you\u2019ve had some in your own youth). \n\nTake care. Shame dies in the light, you may feel find some relief simply in talking about what is disturbing you with someone who you trust. \n\nEdit to say that duty to warn and abuse reporting vary by state; again, confirm with your provider. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9y02t7", "comment_id": "e9x5d46"}, {"question": "I [35/M] feel like my psychologist [50/M] is being a bit possessive. Not sure if I'm overreacting.", "description": "I've been seeing my psychologist for about half a year now, twice a week, 2 hours per session.  From the beginning, he agreed to do it for free as long as I was truly committed to improve myself and not give up half way.\n\nHe has done an amazing job, he has helped me overcome the issues I approached him for (Suicidal thoughts after having been in an abusive relationship, and a few more things).  When I met him, my future seemed bleak, there was nothing to live for.  He even helped me get a good paying job.\n\nIn the beginning, I was seeing him as a psychologist and a therapist somewhere else.  I once had to cancel a session with him because I couldn't cancel the therapist.  Later that day, he sent me an email asking why I canceled him and not the therapist instead.\n\nIt's been about a month since I realized I no longer \"needed\" his help.  Now that I have no \"complaints\" or any issues to discuss, it feels like he's trying to dig for more stuff.  He keeps trying to make me upset and resentful of my parents when I don't have any problems with them.  He keeps criticizing me and anyone who has sex without having a deeper connection with someone (in other words, hooking up).  He keeps repeating he's not my father but he's going to put his father hat on and starts judging me.\n\nI recently joined the gym and hired a trainer.  I also found a workout buddy on Reddit and have been working out everyday from Monday to Friday.  Workout buddy is very physically active (swimming, boxing, biking, etc) and I've been joining him.  Meaning he's been taking a lot of my time.  I canceled the last two sessions with my psychologist (in advanced) to see the trainer and work out with my new friend.  I didn't tell him why the first time, and he sent me an email saying it was fine but even though he knows it's none of his business, he wanted to know the reason why.  After canceling the second time, he sent me a long email telling me he was upset because I didn't keep my part of the contract about improving myself, that I'm having fun instead of improving myself, that I've let myself down, etc.  It sounds like he feels he's being pushed aside.\n\nTo be honest, I really don't want to see him anymore but I feel obligated because of all the helped he has generously given me.  At the same time, it feels like he's being a bit possessive but I also understand he cares about me, or at least I think he does and it's why he's been pushing me to do better.  Am I overreacting here?\n\nTL;DR:  Psychologist gives me sessions for free as long as I commit to improving.  After half a year I don't need him anymore and he's upset.\n  ", "answer": "Psychologist here, maybe I can be helpful.\n\nParts of this seem very weird to me, others less so. Offering free services for a long term client who is temporarily (at least in theory) unable to pay isn't that unusual, I've known people to do this. It has its pitfalls, absolutely, but still not too strange. You shouldn't feel indebted to him as a result, although I would understand why you might. It's also not uncommon for a therapist to feel like issues are glaring, while the client doesn't seem to see it as a problem. This happens a lot. HOWEVER, it is the therapist's job to guide the client, not badger and judge. Christ. Sometimes clients will never really \"get there\" in terms of understanding a connection you see, and you have to let that go. Maybe it really wasn't an issue, maybe they aren't ready, whatever. Let it go. I have a bigger issue with the judgmental attitude about sex, psychologists should know better than that crap.\n\nIt is weird to me that you're seeing him so much, 4 hours a week for 6 months is a ton. If you were my client, I would talk about maybe stepping down from that if you were feeling better. I can see how going from that frequency to none seems worrisome to him if you were initially in a very rough spot. I can understand how he's concerned about sessions being cancelled. But he's handling it so poorly. \"Having fun instead of improving myself\"??? That's terrible.\n\nI think he feels like you have things yet to accomplish in therapy, and is reacting poorly to the idea that you might not get to. He's seeming needy and dancing on boundaries. I'm sorry it's awkward, but doubt you can get much else out of his help. There is always some value in closure, but I'm not sure the benefits outweigh the drama here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3rhkvn", "comment_id": "cwok82e"}, {"question": "How do you keep that excessive chatter down?!", "description": "When my meds wear off, there\u2019s no doubt I can tell. But it\u2019s when I\u2019m in bed, needing to get a good night\u2019s sleep where it\u2019s really problematic. What techniques are good for controlling that unnecessary chatter in your head? Feels like my brain\u2019s going to explode at times. I just want to sleep please.", "answer": "Have you tried any type of mindfulness practice? There are many different ways to do it and I can give you some links if you want. Mindfulness is more challenging for us but can still be helpful. When I lay in bed unable to sleep, I try to focus on my breath and I think the word \u201cpeace\u201d on the inhale and \u201ccalm\u201d on the exhale. I usually find my mind drifting or the chatter starting and have to redirect myself back to the exercise multiple times but often (not always) I\u2019m able to do it and it can really help me go to sleep. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9zoqr3", "comment_id": "eaaug50"}, {"question": "How do I carry on conversations?", "description": "Hi, \nI recently started in a new high school. I have a few friends but I think I could have more if I could just have a regular conversation. All my attempts seem to not work. \nThey go something like this (I am the first one to talk):\n\nHi\n\nHello\n\nHow are you?\n\nGood.\n \nThat's good.\n\nHow are you?\n\nGood.\n\nThat is the essence of almost all of my conversations. How can I talk better?", "answer": "I wrote an [online guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). Maybe it will be helpful for you -- check it out! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "181ezj", "comment_id": "c8atzhz"}, {"question": "why am I so self consious about every single thing I do?", "description": "I feel as if I'm weird , I feel uncomfortable around people when they are looking at me dirrectly in the eye (eye contact). I feel like people think of me negatively and I shake or I nearly lose my voice and become really nervous any advice?", "answer": "Look:\n\n'Fear of judgment' ? Dishonest.\n\n'Fear to be weird' ? Dishonest.\n\n'Because you think people think more about you than they do' ? Closer to truth, but not quite.\n\nWhat's actually going on is that *you believe about yourself* that you are inadequate. You don't want others to find out. So you have something to hide. You have to hide your inadequacy because if people find out you're screwed; they'll abuse you, mock you, exclude you, reject you. That's what you believe subconsciously. So social contact, especially being looked at, is intimidating and frightening, risky, for that reason. You might be sad too, and unconsciously trying to hide the sadness as well, because that might make you 'weak', 'vulnerable'. So there's another thing to hide, another reason not to want to make eye contact, and to be 'self conscious' and check whether you are making enough eye contact, but also not too much, whether you are seeing signals that the other person is on to you in their facial expression or their gaze, etc. etc. This is all happening at lightning speed and usually pre-verbally, so you don't necessarily literally think all of this in words. It's a deeper belief.\n\nYou're not afraid people think of you negatively, truly. What you are afraid of, is that they find out how shitty a person you actually are. Because you believe you are. They call this projection.\n\nWhat I'd advise is starting to notice throughout the whole day, when you have negative thoughts about yourself going through your mind.\n\nMaybe also check [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/8a35if/how_to_not_let_other_people_control_your_mood/dx6b6th/) out that I wrote a couple days ago.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8byb81", "comment_id": "dxbjnje"}, {"question": "Friend(35/m) is being mentally and physically abused by wife (37/f). Does anyone have some insight?", "description": "I have a good friend who I\u2019ve known for a long time, a big, gentle giant, who has come out recently about the abuse his wife inflicts on him on a daily basis. We\u2019ve known about her mental instability for some time now, she threatens to kill herself a lot, threatens to kill him. She wound up in the psych ward for two weeks after he called the police on her (she called him while she was out of town and said she was going to off herself).  And while my friend would talk about the mental abuse, screaming, demeaning, controlling, the works, he just opened up about the physical abuse. I\u2019m assuming he\u2019s never talked about this because of the stigma men face when assaulted by women. \n\nOne of the stories he shared that really shook me, was one that happened three days ago. She was angry at him and began to physically assault him so he left their house and walked out to a camper they have on their property. He locked her out so she stood outside for two hours screaming and beating on the side of the camper, threatening to light it on fire if he didn\u2019t let her in. Finally, she left, went to the house and calmed down but he said he was seriously worried for his life. \n\nBut the thing is, his wife is very professionally developed, she\u2019s an industrial safety auditor, she\u2019s on the road a lot, makes very good money and I just don\u2019t understand how she can have all these mental health issues that cause her to psychotically abuse her husband but can keep it together at work and not have issues. Obviously, something is wrong with her but I just can\u2019t figure it out. She hasn\u2019t been properly diagnosed but the topic of her being bipolar has been thrown around. But if she was actually bipolar wouldn\u2019t that also affect other aspects of her life?  I've told him he needs to think of his health and safety and leave her, and while he's thinking about it, he still wonders if her mental issues can be fixed. I personally don't think so, it's been going on since they married he says (three years), but I just can't figure her out.\nAnd just to confirm, I've offered him all the help I can, a place to stay, referrals to counselors, and a shoulder to cry on.\n\nTLDR: My male friend is getting abused at home, the wife claims she suffers from mental instability, possibly bipolar disorder but has no problem keeping it together at work. I can\u2019t figure out if she\u2019s a narcissist or just a serial abuser? Does anyone else have a story like this, and can offer some insight?\n", "answer": "doesn't matter what she has.  she needs to get help and he needs to be safe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzzwe", "comment_id": "dcv6894"}, {"question": "Major Depression, ADHD-Combined Type, PTSD from trauma, and Social Anxiety, what medication needs to go", "description": "Psych is at a loss when I ask her and i do live in a toxic controlling broken home so I don't know when Im better or not better and just entertainment.\n\nI was on high doses of adderall throughout law school and added lexapro 10 mg when i couldn't attend class anymore, it saved my life and helped me finish law school but i was lethargic and dumbed down not realizing the girl i was dating may have been doing drugs (she was beautiful so maybe i was thinking with wrong head), but my adderall dose may have been to high as well.\n\nMy psych took me off it and only gives me dexedrine spansules which are better and does give me an adderall 10 mg instant release once a day compared to the old 30 XR adderalls i took, less side effects and feeling more normal i guess. On Effexor XR 75 instead of lexapro 10mg which woke up my brain and prevented lexapro withdrawals more for sure and helped my sex drive, but i hear effexor xr 75 mg withdrawals are so bad it makes me want to quit it asap out of this fear. I'm also on wellbutrin xl 300 mg which I originally took to restore libido from what lexapro did to it.\n\nShe prescribed an adjunct off-label new med called rexulti for major depression too which helps according to my family but way too many meds right now. Yes, I'm waiting on bar exam results for a 4th time and got dumped by my ex gf of 4 years and was suicidially depressed but i'm doing better now after seeing psych. Where is the interaction causing anxiety here, what antidepressant should go and it for sure is the SSRI and SNRI that causes the significant change in my brain (oddly improves my sex drive either by curing major depression, or helps sober me up and think clearly).\n\nIs it all a trade-off? could just be a bad time in my life thank you", "answer": " Know you're asking for medication advice which I am not qualified to give; however, as a therapist I just wanted to ask what your therapy regimen looks like. If you are just relying on meds to get better it might not ever happen. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "72h5st", "comment_id": "dnihkxl"}, {"question": "Replacing Booze with Crappy Food", "description": "Just wondering if anyone else struggled with junk food after getting sober.  Been sober over 8 months but I feel like I\u2019ve developed and worsened an addiction to crappy food. It\u2019s gotten real bad and is impacting my health both physically and emotionally. \n\nI\u2019m grateful to be sober but I\u2019m not taking care of myself and was wondering if anyone else struggles with their health, replacing booze with pizza sugar and fast food. Could really use that support.", "answer": "A bit poppy, but helps explain why the brain seeks other sources for dopamine when we remove alcohol. It's an addiction transfer, yes but one that's less destructive and not as multi faceted. \n\nhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-antidepressant-diet/201408/might-candy-now-be-the-answer-alcohol-dependence?amp", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dz2bmn", "comment_id": "f84vrkr"}, {"question": "Wait a minute does weed cause depression?", "description": "Got any sources to prove this?\n\n\nIve been toking for almost 15 yrs. Never daily, but these days im at my highest, a couple times a week. \n\n\nAlso battled depression for a long long time. \n\n\nWhats the link. Because i take days off i figure it is not such a big deal. But\n\n\n", "answer": "Weed doesn't typically cause long term mental health issues. What happens is after smoking weed for so long you start to lose the boundaries of mental health and sobriety and sort of forget what's normal sober and what's normal high", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "3y2ds2", "comment_id": "cy9z7zx"}, {"question": "ADHD, Tourettes, and OCD?", "description": "Anyone else here struggle with symptoms of all 3? My therapist said they're like a pyramid and all connected. I had many facial and vocal tics as a child, fortunately most of them went away with medication. I never looked in to any of the struggles i had growing up. Extremely poor executive function, failure to do my work in time and procrastinating, anger when rules weren't followed in a game, periods of increased irritability (irrational). Intrusive thoughts. Inability to focus in class. The list goes on. (All of these still affecting me). I am worried I'll lose my job as a software engineer because my weekly update has had nothing on it or is a repeated update from previous weeks. I seeked a therapist who said I have all three: ADHD, OCD, and Tourettes. I started on low dose Adderall, and am building up on Lamotrigine. Does anyone else have all 3? I get really frustrated because it seems so many have some sort of combination but I want to relate experiences with someone with all 3. Im 23 years old and am just overwhelmed getting the news that all the struggles I had growing up were not actually normal.", "answer": "I don\u2019t have Tourette\u2019s but I do have OCD and ADHD. My therapist has talked about how the symptoms tend to compound on top of each other and also impact the same areas of the brain.\n\nI have Pure O OCD so it tends to interact quite a bit with my ADHD. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7c1aar", "comment_id": "dpnbii2"}, {"question": "Is my therapist afraid of my depression?", "description": "Hi guys! My therapist (an expert in panic disorders) says he's reluctant to get started on the \"hard stuff\" in therapy because he's worried I'll become suicidal. I have a history of PTSD and depression/anxiety, but for the last month or so it's been much better and I'm feeling ready to get to work! It almost seems like he is afraid of my depression, or maybe is he out of his depth? Should I look for a new therapist? What do you think?? \n\nThanks so much!", "answer": "How long have you been in therapy with him?  If it's not long, I'd say give it some time or at the very least, ask him what work the two of you need to do in order to tackle the depression piece and gauge what you think you need to do from there.  \n\n\nAs a therapist, I've had countless clients come in and try to just dump out everything they've been holding in way too early (sometimes during the first session).  Whenever I can, I try to get them to hold up, and explain to them that while I understand this is all really important to them and we WILL get to it, there are some things we need to do first.  \n\n\nI need to make sure that they have a good set of healthy coping skills in order to manage feelings that come up while we're processing this stuff.  It's not uncommon to initially feel worse immediately after leaving a therapy session, especially when you've gotten in to some deep stuff.  It's important for me to know that the client will be able to cope with these feelings.  Next, it's important that we actually have a relationship, that they see me as a person, and more importantly, see me as a person they can trust based off of more than just the fact that I'm a therapist.  \n\n\nIf you've only been in therapy with him for a month or so, I'd say give it some more time, but like I said, ask him when and how he'll be ready to address this and under what circumstances.  He owes it to you to be honest.  Whatever his answer is, you can use that to decide if you want to find a new therapist.  Keep in mind, what your impulses tell you that you want are not always in line with what you need or what would be best for you.  In the end, trust whatever decision you make, but only after giving it careful consideration.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bgk22g", "comment_id": "ellfki2"}, {"question": "Anyone with PCOS have oily hair scalp?", "description": "Tried all the drugstore shampoos. Literally almost every one of them. Tried too many shampoos until my hair is dry and lifeless. Today I shampoo my hair and in the second day of my hair wash, my hair scalp gets itchy and buildup of oil and dirt. Can someone recommend some good shampoos that wont break the bank but also helps the scalp less oily?", "answer": "I just use dry shampoo on second day hair and there is no third day hair without a hat or something. LPT, 3 parts baby powder to 1 part baking soda is a decent dry shampoo. I keep some with all my hair products in the bathroom in a jar with an old fluffy make up brush in it. I give it a little swirl, tap off the excess and apply to my scalp. I do a really thorough scalp massage to distribute is well and it also builds a ton on volume. Also, yes I know it's ghetto, and the cans objectively do a better job but with the amount I use this makes sense.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "c3tu5b", "comment_id": "eru8eod"}, {"question": "Why do I always get shy around cute girls?", "description": "Every time I\u2019m with a cute girl, idk what happens, I just get shy and choke up and end up not saying anything, one example is the other day I was on a raft with my family, she was with hers, we all got put on the same boat and I sat right next to her but just couldn\u2019t gain the courage to say something, does anyone know how I overcome this shyness?!?!?", "answer": "Practice, practice, practice.  Most folks are initially extremely uncomfortable around attractive members of the sex/gender they prefer.  Everyone has some level of fear of rejection.  \n\n\nYou just have to force yourself to push through the anxiety and talk whenever the opportunity arises.  It will feel like hell, you may embarrass yourself a bit, but if you do it, you'll get better.  If you don't force yourself to push through the anxiety, it will just get worse over time.  \n\n\nI used to have pretty severe social anxiety, especially around crushes.  Trying to repeat the statement to myself \n\n\"Doing something and embarrassing yourself is much better than doing nothing at all.\"    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8wln9r", "comment_id": "e1wfx5q"}, {"question": "Is it possible to catch any disease from the toilet", "description": "Day if someone didn't flush either their number 1 or 2 and it happens to splash up the hole. \n\nAlso if the penis happens to touch the rim or toilet seat where someone is infected with anything, STD, HIV, anything. ", "answer": "Conceivably yes, but you're probably more likely to catch an infection from a doorknob, then touching your mouth or eyes or nose or food. The world is full of viruses and bacteria, and skin is very rarely the way diseases get in.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8m1w3t", "comment_id": "dzkqpxv"}, {"question": "Hello! Skin care question :)", "description": "Hello all, I have just discovered this sub and reading through a few posts is making me so reassured , and yet dressed. It's so good to hear about other people's experiences, and for me to realise that I'm not unique. It's also terrifying in the scope. \n\nMy question is; since going off BC my skin is awful. I was only ever on the pill for my skin in the first place. \n\nI get spots on my chin and jawbone, and my shoulders and back. \n\nWhat recommendations do y'all have to help a 30 year old woman out who is feeling embarrassed \ud83d\ude29. ", "answer": "I use Acne Free, the three step one. I have to use it every morning and every night or things start getting out of whack. It's like $20 and widely available. \n\nI've tried tons of other things, proactive, stridex pads, the prescription acne topical meds, etc. This one works best for me. \n\nRemember that moisturizers are not the enemy. Part of getting extra oily is reactive to stripping all the oil from the skin. It feels dry from an intense cleanser and goes, \"oh no, we're too dry, make oil to fix the issue!\" Finding the right moisturizer for your skin is super important. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "67a7ku", "comment_id": "dgqfl4c"}, {"question": "Am I not worthy to be mexican?", "description": "My mom was in a bad mood and she took her anger out on me and my sister while eating. After that I was helping her and then I forgot the word in spanish and I tried to think quickly until my mom lash out on me, which she did. I knew what she going to say, and I knew it hurt so much hearing her say that to me. Then she says something that I never thought she say, \"What's the point of you going to Mexico, you know what, dont go! It's better for you not to go!\" That actually hurt a lot. My relatives lived in Mexico, and it actually hurt to think about that. I'm trying to improve my language so much but nothing really improve.\n My mom's right.\nI'm the only person in the family failing,  failing to speak spanish. I'm just a disappointment! A disgrace!! Why am I born to be a mexican. It's better if I never existed.", "answer": "While your self worth being dependent on this aspect of yourself is something that I would speak to a counselor regarding, thankfully Spanish is pretty easy to learn if that\u2019s something you\u2019re interested. You do not need to learn Spanish to be a worthwhile human being. Not everyone with Latinx heritage needs to speak Spanish, just like not everyone with Irish background needs to speak Gaelic. \n\nThere are resources out there to help you learn the language if you decide that it\u2019s important to you, but despite the messages your family may be sending your value as a person is not dependent on your language of choice. There are good people who only speak French, good people who speak six languages, even good people who speak languages that are dying out.\n\nCommunication is important for human relationships and interaction, but there\u2019s so many different ways to communicate. The way you choose to is your choice alone. I hope you find the way that works for you and your family", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "ffq5c8", "comment_id": "fk0kks8"}, {"question": "Any other mental health providers on here? It\u2019s cliche, but my depression and chronic pain are making life incredibly difficult.", "description": "I am a 25 M, currently a a licensed counselor specializing in addiction treatment. Currently in a doctoral program and have been grateful for having a supportive family. \n\nI also have a ltr and it has been going very well. I am becoming increasingly apathetic, anxious and depressed. I am experiencing some psychotic symptoms as well and am worried about how to fix this. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist on a weekly/monthly basis. As a mental health provider I have the knowledge to understand the reasoning for my behaviors but this is only making it worse. \n\nI feel completely incompetent and that moment and that I am in someway self sabotaging. Not on a conscious level but I must at subconscious thinking be unhappy. I cannot logically explain my behavior. Perhaps the depression has just gotten so bad. ", "answer": "I understand how you feel.  I\u2019m also a clinician and my depression has been causing me a lot of stress too.   Could it be burnout or over working maybe?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "akfo0a", "comment_id": "ef4fvnf"}, {"question": "Why would the doctor request that my parents come to a routine appointment with me?", "description": "Hi,\n\nI'm 25 years old, male and am 5ft 5\" / 165cm, weigh in at 112lbs / 50kg / 8 stone, white and from the UK.\n\nI suffer with a fair bit of anxiety, I feel nauseous quite a lot and get a bit amount of acid reflux and that's pretty much all that is wrong with me. My blood tests & urine tests come back fine.\n\nMy parents mentioned the fact I feel nauseous quite a lot to the doctor during one of their appointments and he suggested that they accompany me to one of my doctors appointment in the future, it's not like I have an appointment scheduled with the doctor and this was well over 3+ weeks ago.\n\nWhy would the doctor want my parents to attend an appointment at some point in time. If it was anything serious they would have scheduled an appointment with me?\n\nAny suggestions / advice / thoughts  would be welcome.", "answer": "Im a UK doc. Its probably just for collateral history and to get a good feel for your difficulties. You're still the patient though, and you dont have to abide by the advice.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75r2st", "comment_id": "do9curr"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (F/22) keeps complaining about how skinny her friend has gotten, I (M/22) don't know what to say to her", "description": "My girlfriend has started saying to he how small her friend has gotten since she started dieting and working out. I have recommended if she is unhappy with her body she should join me on my diet and come to the gym with me, but she refused saying she is embarrassed to go to the gym. What should I do or say to her? It's becoming annoying hearing her complain about her friend getting skinnier.", "answer": "the friend should see a doc to rule out anorexia", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vz3cb", "comment_id": "de61r09"}, {"question": "Falling \"out of love\" with friends?", "description": "So from all you awesome people, i have learned it is a fairly common problem that ADHD people will get SUPER excited about a new romantic interest and quickly fall in love with them but then just as quickly fall out of love. I thankfully dont have that particular problem. But every once in a while, I make a platonic friend and I think they are the COOLEST thing ever. And then after some time, i realize I REALLY dont like them and dont want anything to do with them. Does this happen to anyone else? I feel bad for being so mercurial and confusing that person. It doesnt happen that often but when it does, i feel really bad for running hot then cold like that.\n\n", "answer": "It has happened to me many times. I found that I loved the \"future-potential\" of the friendship instead of the \"whats right in front of me\" relationship.  Eventually expectations met reality which was blander. Friendships are an ever changing process. I find putting the consistent work into a friendship the most difficult ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7j6ei4", "comment_id": "dr41i5q"}, {"question": "Can anyone help diagnose my mother? (Mental health)", "description": "My mom and I have had a strained relationship for years. I\u2019m 22, and she\u2019s in her 50s. I know something is up because for as long as I can remember she\u2019s been different, difficult, and toxic. I want to know if this is deeper rooted in a mental illness (bipolar,depression) or if she\u2019s just toxic. Let me explain...\n\nMy mom was fine until I was about 12, when she separated from my dad. After that, she would do things such as the following:\n\n- tell me that my dad was a horrible person and even go as far as telling me his new girlfriends had stds, that they were skanks on welfare, that he would put their kids first and forget about me, etc. I was 12-16 at the time of this happening. It\u2019s also important to know my dad (and his partners) are wonderful.\n\n- I have a great paying job and I make very good money, however she always makes little side comments about how I\u2019m not aloud to complain about it because I make so much, or when I get birthday money from a family member she will say \u201cwow that\u2019s a lot of money\u201d and then mumble stuff like \u201cwhere\u2019s mine\u201d \u201coh of course I don\u2019t get any\u201d. She works a minimum wage job, but I pay for mostly everything of mine.\n\n- she talks to herself a lot, for as long as I can remember she talks to herself, almost always negatively. It\u2019s like she\u2019s telling someone else off but it\u2019s just to herself and recently it\u2019s gotten very loud. I\u2019ve confronted her about it and she always dodges it.\n\n- she has a lot of hatred towards her mother and siblings, claiming she was forgotten about when she was little. She hates my grandmother, and starts a fight whenever we visit claiming she\u2019s judging her or treats her like shit.\n\n- at family events she\u2019ll isolate herself and make unpleased faces or raise her eyebrows as if she\u2019s thinking negatively. Hard to explain but sort of like talking to herself without voicing it\n\n- she can snap at any moment, get very angry and scream at me if I say the wrong thing, and then be completely fine a few minutes later. She\u2019s never apologized to me, ever, for getting angry at me for no reason.\n\n- she calls herself dumb a lot, but I think it\u2019s out of rage to make me feel guilty. Not sure if she actually thinks that\n\n- when I ask her a question she either doesn\u2019t respond or takes 10-15 seconds to answer\n\n- when I accomplish something she either finds something negative about it or doesn\u2019t give me the praise I should be getting (ie. I just got the opportunity to sing in front of a huge audience, she congratulated me but then got angry at me because I\u2019m not taking her as my plus one. Now she won\u2019t come to support me even though I told her it means a lot) \n\n- if she look upset I\u2019ll ask her what\u2019s wrong and she\u2019ll get upset at me for asking, saying that I\u2019m always trying to make her feel bad or like a horrible person\n\n- the weirdest thing is that when we get in a fight and then she sees me texting after she says \u201coh so what, you\u2019re going to tell the whole family I\u2019m a bad person now? They must love that\u201d...but I\u2019ve never done that ever. I\u2019m Constantly asked to conceal my feelings towards her, to act like nothing is wrong to family, and to constantly defend her when my family tells me she is difficult\n\nI\u2019m sure there\u2019s more I\u2019m not thinking of, she\u2019s told me before she knows we have a strained relationship. I\u2019ve never done anything horrible to her. Even my boyfriend had witnessed her treat me like this and has said it\u2019s disgusting. I want to know if this sounds like a mental illness. If you have questions feel free to ask. Please help!", "answer": "Wrong sub. This is for medical doctors, maybe you should check one of the psych. subreddits.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7q4bw4", "comment_id": "dsmpd80"}, {"question": "Is this a normal taper schedule for Zoloft?", "description": "Age 24\nSex F\nHeight 5\u2019\nWeight 100lb\nRace White\nDuration of complaint N/A\nLocation (Geographic and on body) New England, USA\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) Anxiety\nCurrent medications (if any) Zoloft (see below)\n\nAfter careful consideration and discussion with my doctor I have decided to taper off of Zoloft. I have been on 100 mg daily since I was 14. I tapered from 100 to 75 and 75 to 25 by just switching from one dose to the next and then waiting about a month before taking the next step down. I had no discontinuation symptoms whatsoever during this stage. For the jump from 25 to 0 by doctor gave me a somewhat convoluted schedule where she wants me to take it every other day for two weeks then every three days for a week and then for some reason wait two days and then take one last pill. \n\nI\u2019ve done quite a bit of research online and spoken to people I know who have tapered off of SSRIs and I haven\u2019t seen any evidence for a tapering schedule like this. It feels to me like I\u2019m just messing my brain up by taking the medicine away and reintroducing it and then taking it away again over and over again. A week in and I\u2019m starting to have discontinuation symptoms- dizziness, brain zaps, and headaches. \n\nAnyways, my question is does anyone know if there is actually reason behind tapering this way? Is there proper research and evidence for this? Should I get a second opinion?", "answer": "There isn't much in the way of good data for SSRI tapers, period. Zoloft isn't entirely out of your system after one or two days, so there's some reasoning behind taking it on alternate days, but why not take 12.5 mg instead? If you really want a slower taper, you could use the liquid form and decrease by as little as you want at any interval.\n\nYou could get a second opinion and find someone who would encourage doing it differently, but again, there's not a lot of strong evidence. You'd find people to say that it's best to do it slower. You'd also find doctors who would (wrongly, in my opinion) say that it should just be a few days and done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl4w43", "comment_id": "emm06r2"}, {"question": "Does ADHD cause indecision?", "description": "I was diagnosed when I was 14 but never medicated. (Parents against psych meds.)\n\nI can't decide what I want to do when I grow up. I'm not talking about a normal level of hesitation. I feel like I hesitate for the sake of hesitation. \n\nWhenever I feel like making up my mind, some strange force in my mind brings me back to hesitation. \n\nIt's been like this for more than 5 years since I was 15. I am still undecided on major in college because of this. I need to declare my major soon.\n\n1. Is this an ADHD symptom?\n\n2. If yes, does medication get rid of indecision?", "answer": "Absolutely. Think about it this way: one aspect of ADHD is that it messes with the reward pathways in the brain. It prioritizes immediate and novel stimulation, and struggles with long-term, delayed gratification. The flip side of this is that people with ADHD tend to really struggle with tolerating discomfort and uncertainty, which leads to a lot of avoidance and distraction. \"Writing this paper is stressful. I'll refresh Reddit instead!\" \n\nMaking an important decision, especially one as significant as your career path, is *very* stressful. What is a surefire strategy to reduce this stress **right now**? To not choose anything. Even if the outcome is worse in the long-term, not deciding provides an immediate sense of relief that can be very compelling. Forcing your mind to contemplate something this stressful can be very hard, especially if your brain is doing its best to \n\nTo answer question #2: medication will not suddenly make you know what your major should be in college, unfortunately. It might, however, give you more control over wrangling your thoughts. It will then be up to you to think through your decision, sit with the fear and uncertainty, and make a choice (even if it's imperfect). Therapy and mindfulness meditation is also really useful for this part! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6yntbo", "comment_id": "dmowkja"}, {"question": "Desperate advice on Distance and Drinking", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and to the point. \n\nJust seeing eachother. Dating. Not official.  We live an hour apart. I am an insecure person (I know that should be fixed before being in a relationship.) The girl [27] likes to drink. I[27] don't like alcohol much. She drinks with guys, girls or alone three four times a week. I'm pretty anti social don't like hanging in groups. Especially when everyones gonna be intoxicated. I'm not going to tell her for things to work she has to change and can't hang with a guy friend in hot tubs getting drunk (which she did a couple days after we started talking) Also with me being anti social due to severe anxiety I fear her friends will often want us to go out and drink which my anxiety can't handle and will feel like a dick panicking begging to not have to go out.  Does it seem destined to fail or something that can be okay with a bit of communication and work. \nAny advice or suggestions please? \nEdit - the reason I say desperate is because this would be the first relationship I will be in since moving to this new city.  This girl is really great and very impressive. Great job, funny, well spoken. And more than any girl I've dated we have the most alike tastes in music and movies. There's so much potential but I'm worried about the jealousy and the opposite approaches to alcohol. which makes this not an easy decision.", "answer": "it's unlikely for a partying drinker and an introvert to forge something lasting.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw03x", "comment_id": "dhhvt9j"}, {"question": "Can the ER lie to you?", "description": "39M/175lb/5' 10\"/no medications/nonsmoker/no prev. cond.: no\n\nI went to the ER with COVID-19 symptoms on day 4. (Fever, shortness of breath, tightness in chest, coughing fits, lightheadedness, chills and sweats at night, high heart-rate) My state is low on tests. The nurses and doctors cleared all doubt of flu, pneumonia and the other usual suspects with my vitals, physical exam (stethoscope, etc), chest x-ray, and lots of bloodwork. They were still resistant to giving me a test. I made my case and the Doctor said \"If you feel strongly...\" I said I did, and she replied, \"OK, then\" and left. A little later, the nurse came back with a swab and in theory did the test. They said that I would only get a call for results, however, if I was positive. Further, my discharge papers have nothing about a corona virus test being performed or awaiting results. They also said it would take up to seven days to get any results, but prior to my visit, when I asked the ER on the phone how long it takes, they said 3-4 days. I'm thinking they were gaslighting me to get me out of the ER without a fight.\n\nCan the ER tell you they are doing a test, even pretend they're taking the sample, and then not have it done? Is that legal? Like a placebo procedure or something?\n\nWritten from home isolation.", "answer": "Discharge papers are imperfect, particularly when they're auto-generated and no one has likely updated to include coronavirus testing.\n\nCalling only for positive results is standard from the ED; the volume is such that they cannot call with all negative results.\n\nThis all sounds like normal procedure to me.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fnjece", "comment_id": "fla77xr"}, {"question": "Occupational vs Physical Therapy", "description": " I am female, 36, overweight, have multiple sclerosis, migraines, and a month ago I had surgery to remove a ganglion cyst from my left hand. Before surgery I played volleyball 3 times a week amd crocheted, though the crochet slowed down and really hurt because of the cyst, and here I am almost a month later and I feel like my wrist is fused because I can barely bend it... It's half because the skin is too tight and half because there's pain inside. I can't move my index finger with feeling like I'm ripping an internal zip tie open and tearing open my wound because th skin is that tight and you can watch it pull when I move. \n\nMy doctor has put in a referral for occupational therapy but the description I read when comparing occupational vs physical therapy makes me feel an occupational therapist will to help me accept this new state my hand is in now and I am to learn how to live with it. Whereas a physical therapist would be helping to move past it. And I sure as hell do NOT want to accept this! I had surgery to fix a problem not create a bigger one! It's killing me! \n\nAny advice? ", "answer": "I'm not in PMNR \\(physical medicine and rehabilitation\\), much less PT/OT. But here's my sense from a remove:\n\nPhysical therapy focuses on recovering or improving physical function. Occupational therapy focuses on recovering or improving practical ability to do activities. There's significant overlap but slightly different approaches. A physical therapist might work on hand exercises to improve hand function. An occupational therapist could also work on hand exercises, but more specifically geared towards the activities you want to be able to do. OT is more likely to incorporate assistive devices when appropriate, but they're not always appropriate.\n\nI don't know whether PT or OT is the better choice for you, but I do think that discussing it with your doctor or OT right from the start is likely to be fruitful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8g8vhy", "comment_id": "dy9q8or"}, {"question": "Future mother in law driving me crazy.", "description": "So his mom is super sweet, but she goes on and on and on about everything. A very big explainer and will talk about stuff to explain something 16 different times before she moves on. And I don\u2019t know how to tell her I know what she means the first time without being rude. Also she has the worse country accent I\u2019ve ever heard so with her talking so much, it drives me insane being around her more than a couple of hours. I try not to let it bother me as much but she wears me down so much. What are some ways, I can make sure she doesn\u2019t drive me crazy? ", "answer": "Kill her with kindness and endure with patience. Only long-term option.\n\nJust repeat to yourself: \u201cI\u2019m glad I\u2019m marrying her son.\u201d", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9xzsds", "comment_id": "e9wrex9"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "The easiest and simplest answer is, No. Weed or any illegal drug use does not warrant breaking confidentiality. \n\nIt's a little more complicated because there could possibly be some situations in which use of THC may warrant breaking confidentiality but this would be in threats or risk of harm to self or other. Which I would say is extremely unlikely either weed. \n\nWhile the laws vary by state, yes, discuss it with your therapist! Some states even have drug use specifically protected so therapists cannot tell adult parents of a child's use without the child's consent. \n", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "ebyndbj"}, {"question": "7F Behavior Changes After Discontinuing Valproic Acid for Epilepsy", "description": "My daughter is currently 7yrs old, epileptic (\"generalized\", idiopathic), ADD/ADHD, PDD, 15q26.1 microdeletion (not inherited). She's still illiterate, has issues getting to the bathroom (has a lot of \"accidents\") and lacks some finesse in her fine & gross motor skills. She's also slightly bow-legged.\n\nShe's been seizure-free for over two years. When seizures initially presented, she was prescribed Topamax but it made her so dizzy she was unable to walk straight. She switched to a very low dose of valproic acid (maxed at 4mL 2/day).\n\nNo other regular meds.\n\nAbout six months ago, her neurologist felt safe in discontinuing her valproic acid. Even though it was what the doc considered an extremely low dose, we noticed a huge change in our daughter's behavior. She just seems more \"present\" and aware of her surroundings. A few times she's had mood swings (sadness and crying) seemingly out of nowhere but all other aspects have been positive. Her PDD-related delays notwithstanding, she's made major strides in language, communication, following directions, etc; it's as if she previously wasn't aware of what was going on around her.\n\nWhen she was 2-3yrs old, we always marveled at what a happy-go-lucky child she was, never crying or throwing tantrums. Without the medication, she seems like she's much more like what we expected from that history.\n\nSo, what gives? Valproic acid is also used for bi-polar so I can only assume there may have been a mood stabilizing effect of some sort but is there any explanation for the other communication-/social-related behavioral changes?", "answer": "Valproic acid can be seen as applying the break to all neurons (with the goal of preventing too much activity, although I must admit the exact mechanisms aren't fully understood). This is a rather course approach that will always have effects on many parts of functioning.\n\nMy hypothesis in this case would be that your doughter had her senses dulled (perhaps slightly) and this dullness has lifted after discontinuing the drugs.\n\nI think it's good that you are trying to understand. Being a parent of a child with a less common set of challenges often requires the parents to be very active when finding the right care in my experience.\n\nEdit: by saying it's a course approach, I don't mean to imply the decisions was taken lightly or wrongly, just that the medication doesn't specifically target the cause. Unfortunately it's often not possible to treat the specific cause.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9xlg9", "comment_id": "fiuvuau"}, {"question": "Not feeling real.", "description": "Does anyone have any tips I\u2019ve been dealing with depression and anxiety and some times I get so out of I don\u2019t feel real and it\u2019s a really scary feeling it feels like if your trapped behind your own eyes and just trapped in your head. I\u2019m going to therapy soon but I just need some tips to deal with it meanwhile.", "answer": "It's difficult to narrow down specific tips/suggestions/coping skills for the management of depression and anxiety, as they are quite broad.  Plus, these conditions often present differently among people.  You can try to see if progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, meditation, etc. may be a good fit for you.  The subject of your post, \"Not feeling real,\" kinda makes me wonder if there is a history of trauma.  If, or if not, google around for grounding techniques.  They may be helpful to you as well.  Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I hope they may be of some use to you.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "e3186f", "comment_id": "f916v26"}, {"question": "Can I tell my therapist what mental illness I think I have if I think the diagnosis is wrong?", "description": "I feel really weird about asking reddit this but I\u2019m so tired of not having answers. \n\nI\u2019m a 19F almost 20. I was abused physically and emotionally throughout my whole life by my mom. My dad supported her abuse but did not abuse me himself, at least not consistently. He recently just divorced her because he had an affair, again, and now has a kid with the woman. He\u2019s a lot happier so that\u2019s not exactly where I\u2019m struggling. I\u2019ve been in and out of therapy for the past couple years, been trying different medications, and so on. But it just feels like nothing is helping and I wonder if it\u2019s because of a wrong diagnosis. I\u2019m diagnosed with GAD and MDD with ruleout PTSD. So I\u2019ve never actually been diagnosed with PTSD and I don\u2019t want to tell a therapist, I think I have it because I\u2019m not a medical professional and I just feel that it\u2019s weird. But, I really think PTSD-specific therapy, like EMDR, would help. Secondly, in high school while in therapy, my therapist told me if I kept going down the path I was going she\u2019ll have to diagnose me with BPD. That has been on my mind since. The more I study BPD the more I feel like I have it. But, I also don\u2019t know how to get help for it if I\u2019m not diagnosed. Basically, is it immature or irrational to tell a therapist what I think my diagnosis is?", "answer": "I find it way more helpful when the patient focuses on their symptoms rather than the diagnosis. I do lots of diagnosis,  and sometimes it DOES matter .  However,  if you are suffering,  THAT is what matters.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpbnma", "comment_id": "frl1aa3"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/M/180cm/64kg\n\nHello,\nso i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. Otherwise I've been to lots of doctors, since I've had various symptoms my whole life,\neven though nothing really has been diagnosed. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm Crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. Also I think I'm a hypochondriac.\n\nNow to get to the current stuff. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. When walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. Resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. While standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. On PE, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. Of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. Holter ECG was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. I have right bundle branch block, which they say is  nothing. Can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? Do i need stress ECG? Now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. I realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. When it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately.\nFor the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. I have poor\nposture so could some of this have to do with the spine? Should i do a head MRI? \nJust to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder.\nI've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, I've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. Sometimes i only feel one thump, but\nsometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (I've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). If the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? Also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :P For the last few days I've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason.\nLast thing, just a while ago I've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. It's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. Should i get it checked? (I always find something to worry about).\nI've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. CRP was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5.\nLiver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, LDH isoensymes, ASMA, hsTSH, T3, T4, feritine, TIBC, cortisol - Normal.\nBasically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.\n\nI know this is a mess but i have so much going on. I don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. I'm mostly worried about the occasional\nfast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... I just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. Appreciate any reply.", "answer": "Cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. Try www.moodgym.org (computerised CBT - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "de1hka0"}, {"question": "Things We Have in Common", "description": "I'm seeing a new therapist who actually sees a lot of people with this phobia apparently, I'm also in a weekly group where we meet and have beverages and cookies and tall about coping, its been a joy but as I've been going down this road I've found that a lot of us having these things in common:\n\nIBS (or a form of it) \nGeneralized Anxiety Disorder \nAcid Reflux (or GERD) \nFear of Choking \n\nThere are lots of other similarities, but almost everyone in my group (10 out of 12) have ALL of these things, myself included. I wonder how much is caused by this and how much is a precursor to this. Does anyone else have something you have found that you share with a lot of other folks like us? I'd be interested in hearing it.", "answer": "Anxiety can really fuck over your digestive system, so in my opinion, it makes sense that the emetophobia leads to IBS and acid reflux rather than the other way around. I know that my acid reflux really started up when my phobia got worse. Phobias are also common to \"spread\" into generalized anxiety disorder; as the feared stimuli/situations expand, the anxiety becomes pervasive!\n\n​\n\nSide note, I was just on r/IBS and saw a post from a fellow emetophobe! We're everywhere.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ebp9xy", "comment_id": "fb9b9ih"}, {"question": "Zoloft/sertraline question", "description": "Hi all, ive been on sertraline for 5 yrs. I'm on 100mg. I need to up my dose, my anxiety has been the worst its ever been. My question is: can I cut a 50mg tablet into quarters? I want to up to 125mg, but every time ive tried the side effects have been too much for me. Could I cut 25mg in half, and take that for a week or to to ease myself up? Or how should I do this? I dont want to get addicted to xanax :( thanks in advance everyone", "answer": "You probably shouldn't be doing this on your own. Talk to your doctor. Sertraline tablets can be cut in half, though, and it also comes in a liquid form if you want extremely fine  control over dosing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s5wc6", "comment_id": "e0wtnoo"}, {"question": "Need help about a roommate and his puppy...", "description": "Original rent 500 including all utilities. Guy who rents room wanted a dog. I said 600/month total with adult dog, 700/month total with puppy. Guy works all night, and is constantly mandated for OT. Therefore, I'm constantly taking care of puppy for him. Is increase to 700 while a puppy unreasonable?", "answer": "Increase.  You are doing a work that they do at boarding places.  If it was me I would increase it more but that might cause them to move out haha ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48xh6g", "comment_id": "d0nk6zw"}, {"question": "Needing Others opinions", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for three months M(25) her (24) this is her first serious relationship and anything we do is completely new to her.  \n\nI seem to really struggle with the fact that she has an interest in me consistently.  I'm the only one typically initiating \"I miss you\" ect, ect.  But when I do she responds with her feelings as well. I struggle with the fact that she tells me its because shes never been in a true relationship before that she cant show me how she feels or be affectionate.  She used to when we first dated but it died off quick.  Anytime I bring it up she says shes trying extremely hard, but I give it weeks and never seen anything out of it.  Feeling like this makes me not want to try as hard in the relationship even though she consistently tells me don't assume how she feels and if anything was wrong I would tell you.  Am I expecting too much too soon from someone new to relationship life? Besides this, when we hang out things are great 90% of the time and seem to slowly be progressing. \n\nOur conversations outside of hanging out are just so inconsistent and seems to be me putting in most of the effort, it gets tiring after a while and I'm not sure if I should continue the same efforts or try and wait for her to potentially show these on her own.  I want her to know how much I like and care for her, but it gets old saying it time and time again. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. ", "answer": "sounds like she's not mature enough for a serious rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m8joc", "comment_id": "djzqwst"}, {"question": "is our history together what's keeping us together? me[32/m], her [36/f]", "description": "My partner and I have been together for about 10 years, married for 8. we went to university together, have traveled around the world together, moved to a different country together, and now we live apart for over a year. For a long time I haven't been compassionate the way they wanted.  For a long time our sex life hasn't been what I wanted. I moved to a different country last year for work and now we live on different continents. That hasn't helped even though my new job allows me to work remotely some of the time.  I made a pros and cons list:\n\npros:\n\n* they can be very understanding\n* we have a lot of friends together\n* we have a history\n* we have similar interests\n* they make more money than me and that really helps\n\ncons:\n\n* they are cold and distant\n* most of our problems seem to be my fault, maybe we aren't compatible\n* the lack of sex even when we are together is killing me and i'm not entirely sure it will ever come back\n*  I don't think they love me anymore. they don't say it anymore. they don't really say they miss me anymore.\n\nWe have these wonderful memories together, but also horrible ones. I don't want to lose my partner but I don't know what's left to keep. \n\nI've tried to talk about this with my partner a lot but sometimes I feel like that isn't really productive. Is it me? Do I lack patience?\n\nNow I have the opportunity to move back but I'm afraid that if I do, I will just accelerate the end of what's left and then I will have nothing. I'm afraid that if we separate than they will be hurt so much by it that it will affect their career. \n\nI try to sit and think about what my partner thinks. What its like to be in their shoes in this situation. But it's difficult. I feel like sometimes I don't really know my partner.", "answer": "very hard to work things out long distance. keep talking, processing. maybe even a 3 way skype with a counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdgu", "comment_id": "ddhjuf2"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "If you're in the United States, (this varies very slightly depending on which state you're in)\n\n\nEverything you say in the therapist's office is kept confidential.  There are just a few exceptions.  If you tell them you are going to hurt/kill yourself or someone else, that confidentiality is broken to see if you need a higher level of care.  Any information about a child who is being abused or neglected must be reported.  Some of the information you share may be shared with the clinicians supervisor in order to help them better work with you.  Other than those things, everything else is kept confidential unless you sign a release stating what information can be shared with which particular person.  \n\n\nThat's basically the info I give to every client I work with in the first session.  Something important to consider though is that this info pertains to adults only.  If you are a minor, therapists are able to share information with parents at their own discretion.  Different states have different ages for this though.  For instance in PA where I practice, the age of consent for mental health services is 14.  That means anyone 14 or older is essentially given all the same rights as an adult.\n\n\nEarlier in my career I've worked with clients who were former gang members and some individuals who would tell me stories that if I broke confidentiality and shared, could very possible lead to very loooooooooong sentences.  Since they didn't appear to be currently a danger to themselves or others, and didn't involve children, it wasn't reportable.    ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "ecnt6wf"}, {"question": "I wish my kid was \u201cnormal\u201d", "description": "I have a three year old who is nonverbal. He doesn\u2019t talk at all. We bend over backwards to get him to talk, and have spent thousands of dollars and at least 5 hours a week in speech therapy trying to get him to talk. \n\nOn top of that, he has some autistic behaviours, but we can\u2019t get a diagnosis, because the behaviours aren\u2019t prominent enough, and have \u201ccounter-behaviours\u201d that take him off of the spectrum. So we are constantly fighting with medical professionals to tell us what is going on so we can get the right help. \n\nWe have been at this for a year and a half. I\u2019m exhausted. I\u2019m spent. I have no spoons at the end of the day to enjoy my son and husband. I\u2019m out of energy and patience. \n\nI want my kid to go to bed and stay there. I don\u2019t want to battle him every night to get him to sleep. And to stay asleep. I want to be able to talk to my kid, and him talk back. I want to enjoy interacting with my son without having the correct speech-enabling behaviours on the back of my mind the entire time. \n\nI want a kid that will freaking looking for eggs on Easter rather than get distracted by the way the one he found rolls, and be unable to focus on anything else. \n\nI want a neurotypical kid. And that\u2019s not nice to say, it\u2019s not fun to say, but it\u2019s true. All of his care has been pushed onto me for so long that I am breaking. I am not a person anymore. I am just his caregiver 24/7 when he should be gaining some independence. \n\nI\u2019m so tired. I\u2019m so exhausted. I\u2019m so very fucking done. ", "answer": "Few tips as an Behavior tech working with kids on the spectrum. Im not sure if he would qualify for ABA services without an actual diagnosis. Try to make each day as structured as possible. Set up a routine for every day. Don't give up and stick to your guns. Times might be tough with some tantrums, but don't give in. \n\nAs for word development look in to research on Serve and Return. It should kids learn best when the adult focuses attention on what the child is focused on. Pick toys that they enjoy and apply words to them. If you are able, apply aign language while teaching the word or just talking to them in general...  \"want some milk\" *sign milk while asking* etc. \n", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "88y2e1", "comment_id": "dwozuay"}, {"question": "Is it possible to lower blood pressure naturally? Would losing extra weight help?", "description": "Hi. Hope you're well! 24F here. I'm a bit overweight atm, I currently weigh 170 lbs, which is 40 lbs above my normal weight.\nI have anxiety and depression, so I think it could be related.\nAnyway, usually my blood pressure is within the normal values, but I have some relatives with hypertension.\nI was wondering if it's possible to reduce blood pressure naturally, without medication? If it is, how can one do it? \n For example, if I lost the extra weight and went back to normal, could that help lowering my blood pressure?\nThank you so much", "answer": "It depends on the cause of  the problem. Losing weight is the most commonly effective way to improve the most common type of high blood pressure. Even losing some weight without getting all the way back to a recommended weight can improve it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "de2dju", "comment_id": "f2qq2c7"}, {"question": "I'm easily angered and it's ruining my life ", "description": "I'm in my mid twenties and I want to ask advice on how to manage my anger. I get angry from the most insignificant things, things which normal people shouldn't be upset about. I almost broke my notebook today because the dvd drive wasn't reading my cd. Sometimes I'm thinking of cutting myself when I'm this angry only to feel releaved. \nEpisodes like this can easily ruin my day and it's very frustraiting. I'm also hurting the people around me, people that truly love me. \n\nIf anyone has any piece of advice, please write a comment below. I don't want to live like this anymore. ", "answer": "You should go to a therapist or psychiatrist who you can talk to about your symptoms, family history, etc, so you can get a solid response & the help you need. Based on the little bit you've shared, it doesn't sound like info from reddit is gonna cut it.\n\n(I'm a therapist - find the right one & it can really make a big difference in your life).", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "u6hz6", "comment_id": "c4srddm"}, {"question": "It's me again, the chick with C Diff. Still.", "description": "My info hasn't changed but here it is again:\n\n31, woman, Oregon. Have had C Diff since March this year. Currently taking sertraline, amitriptyline, propranolol, promethazine and zofran.\n\nMy previous post(s):\n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/8qg8tg/more_problems_with_my_adventures_with_c_diff?sort=confidence\n\nJust an update for those who were concerned or helped me with advice previously. \n\nAfter that last post, I was sent to the ED by the Infectious Diseases doc because she thought I had appendicitis. After eight hours there, they said my tests looked great and no signs of appendicitis. \n\nThe I.D. doc told me she can no longer help me because, in her words, \"we followed textbook procedure and the only way you'd still have the infection is if you were the unluckiest person in the state.\" She referred me back to my PCP.\n\nMy PCP this morning ordered me a same day stool test to check for a current C Diff infection. They just called and told me I am positive, and my doctor is \"very surprised.\" She is referring me back to I.D.. \n\nI've taken every antibiotic for this including Vancomycin, Flagyl which I'm horribly allergic to, and most recently Dificid. If anyone has any guesses as to what they'll do next, I'd appreciate any thoughts. Thank you all for your hard work, and then for taking the time out of your insane schedules to help strangers on the internet. Seriously, thank you all.", "answer": "As someone said in response to your last post, it may be time to look into fecal transplant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8t4xg5", "comment_id": "e14r972"}, {"question": "I don't know what I have to live for.", "description": "So I spiralled out of control during COVID and failed all that I've set out to do. If you check my post history, you'd see that I originally wanted to do a daily journal, well, that went nowhere. \n\nI lost my job during COVID and my dad dragged me to his company. Today, a particularly bad day, I couldn't bring myself o do anything and sat aimlessly with a blank look on my face at his secretary's desk. Which resulted in one of those emotional moments where he tells me that he will care for me all he can while he's alive but I have got to find something I'm passionate about. He doesn't expect me to earn big money, but at least enough to live on, and don't expect help from even the closest relatives. He doesn't have many years left. \n\nHe means well I'm sure. But the morbidity and realism of the topic at hand further worsened my mental state. At some point I was, or rather am thinking that I'd just end my life the moment both of my parents are dead. I mean, what else is there to live for? \n\nI feel like a huge disappoinment to them, to everyone, and most of all to myself. I've racked my brains and I don't know if I can honestly say there's something I would enjoy doing all day. I don't remember the last time I found something enjoyable that brought me anything more than a fleeting joy. \n\nI thought I'd feel better typing this out, sharing this, but I don't. I still feel the same. \n\nHelp.", "answer": "Some advice: start anywhere, with anything. Keep experimenting and keep an open mind. Generate some curiousity about the different kinds of lives people lead, ask questions, read books, search online, whatever. Also investigate hobbies of all sorts and try out anything you can that even remotely interests you. \n\nIf you truly don't enjoy anything, you have depression or some other mood disorder, which you will have to identify the cause of and treatment for, ideally with professional help. \n\nYou might also look into self-compassion. There is really no need or use in beating yourself up because you haven't been journaling during a pandemic. We're all doing the best we can and sometimes our best kinda sucks. That's ok. Start journaling now if it's important to you. It might help you get some clarity about the changes you might make.", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "gs1vta", "comment_id": "fs2jsg2"}, {"question": "Terrible therapy session was a big eye-opener", "description": "I've always been an advocate of therapy. If any of my friends or family were going through persistent hard times or sadness, I would recommend talking to a professional. I've only ever had good experiences, and I really thought it couldn't hurt. \n\nMy stance on this has changed recently. I'm in the process of looking for a new therapist, and in my area it's hard to find one available after my work hours. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I was looking for a person I could speak to in order to gain a more positive perspective - to not feel like I'm doomed for failure, to be more okay with not knowing or having control over everything, to be able to trust in myself and my abilities, and in my friends and loved ones, and to make the kind of changes I feel are long overdue... the strength to make that leap of faith and believe that things will work out in the end. \n\nMaybe not quite that positive, but I wanted to not be crippled with panic over something I feel anxious about.\n\nDuring my evaluation, the person went through the plan I planned on carrying out in the near future, step by step, and went through all the negative, worst-case-scenario what-ifs. The person questioned every decision I planned. The person questioned a lot of decisions I made in the past, and also the way I live my life right now. \n\nAll of these negative things are things I've thought about before, being that I am someone who struggles with anxiety and depression. What this person said made sense, but it added another negative voice in my head - one that's supposed to be unbiased and honest and offer me a grounding perspective.\n\nAll of this took place in the span of 50 minutes. \n\nOf course, there was more to the session than this. I'm sure whatever method was being used on me, might work for someone else, but it definitely didn't in my case. I thanked the person, and left the building, and had a panic attack (it's been some months since my last one). \n\nI just wanted to share my recent experience, as I noticed a lot of posters here wonder if they should see someone, or many commenters suggest therapy. I still would definitely recommend seeking professional help as an option for anyone who feels they might need it or even if they just want someone to talk to. But I also think it's worth mentioning that finding a good fit with a therapist is not easy. \n\nTLDR: Therapist employed tough-love (maybe?) and cut the anxious and depressed patient down by being a negative sound-board, and never brought the patient back up again. Patient proceeded to become a panic-induced puddle of tears, and self medicated with taco bell.", "answer": "That's terrible to hear that that happened to you. I hope you can find someone else to work with that you get along better with. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4h0wxd", "comment_id": "d2mqbhu"}, {"question": "How should I cope with depression while in a committed relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m in a year long relationship, and I\u2019ve had depression on and off before and during the relationship. When my emotions get the best of me, my partner will tell me that I need to do more to combat my depression and prevent the build up of emotions from happening. At one point, my partner told me I was being selfish for not trying hard enough to get out of depression because it was taking a toll on our relationship. My former therapist believed that I was putting too much of the responsibility on myself and that there should be efforts coming from both people in the relationship. If I was single, then she believed I needed to take the responsibility for coping with depression. My partner is technically trying to help me by telling me to go outside, but he doesn\u2019t ask to be involved. I don\u2019t typically ask him to be involved either due to his reluctance for going outside because of his schedule or allergies. On the few times I have asked, something else came up or my partner wasn\u2019t in the mood.\n\nYears before I leaned on a previous partner for my depression and put him as my source for happiness. Everything hurt so much more when we broke up, and I took it as a lesson that I shouldn\u2019t depend on other people to help me through depression or they\u2019ll leave or I\u2019ll end up even worse. I accepted my current partner\u2019s advice because it\u2019s still helpful advice to follow if I was single, but my former therapist stressed that I shouldn\u2019t have to carry all the weight by myself.\n \nIs it healthy to be in a committed relationship but feel like you have to cope with depression alone?", "answer": "Disclaimer: I can only go off what you have written at face value,  and I have never met you or your partner. \n\nThere are a few things going on here .\n\n1. From what you described , your partner is being unhelpful (probably unintentionally), for example by seeing depression as something you can easily overcome. \n\n2.Unfortunately,  there is very little good information available to partners / loved ones of depressed people. The majority of info says \"get them the help they need\" but there is very little support for what to do when therapy and meds aren't helping.  Partners often have no idea what to do, even when they want to be supportive. \n\n3. It is true that only you can be responsible for your mental health . You acknowledged the problems you had when you depended on a partner for happiness .\n\nSo what is the answer ? I think a black/white view (depend on someone for happiness vs. Go at it alone) is unhelpful.  A good middle ground is taking responsibility but also being open about what helps and what doesn't . \n\nAn analogy I use a lot is cancer.\n\nIf you had cancer , what support would you want from your partner ? It would still be your responsibility to get treatment , make and keep appointments,  take meds.  Your partner hopefully would not blame you or claim to have a magic solution . Your partner would hopefully encourage and support your efforts to get better and also understand the illness .\n\nObviously,  tweak this to fit your needs and personality.  If this feels right to you,  it may be worth discussing with your partner.\n\nYout partner may also benefit from his own therapy.  Loving someone with an illness you don't understand can be really hard. He may gain useful tools for dealing with his own feelings and better understanding yours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f7wlgg", "comment_id": "fika5eo"}, {"question": "Sharp pain in chest when breathing", "description": "Age: 24\nSex: Male\nHeight 6\u2019\nWeight: 200 lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 36 hours roughly \nLocation (Geographic and on body): Left breast area/lung\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Asthma\nCurrent medications (if any): Montelukast, Azelastine, Symbicort, Abuderol\n\nThis showed up Sunday afternoon/night but I kinda chalked it up to me driving about 6 hours that day. There\u2019s a constant dull pain in my left chest area. But I can\u2019t take a deep breath now. If I do, I get a sharp pain in my chest. My left arm was also kinda sore and \u201cfavored\u201d certain positions. \n\nI considered this might be asthma related but now I\u2019m not so sure. \n", "answer": "Given the fact that you drove 6 hours,  pulmonary embolism needs to be ruled out in a hospital.\n\nHave you been excercising and could it be sore muscles in your thorax? Does it hurt when you press on your thorax?\n\nAny family history of heart disease?\n\nDo you feel weak, tired, sweaty, out of breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8ihs3", "comment_id": "ejy634r"}, {"question": "Podcasts or videos for anxiety?", "description": "Hello. I'm new here but I've had emetophobia for 17 years. I've recently gotten back into therapy. One thing I talked about with my therapist was how I constantly wake up in the middle of the night extremely anxious, most of the time because I get anxious that I'll be sick. Once I'm up, I usually can't fall back asleep for a few hours because of the anxiety. She suggested to find some podcasts or even videos to keep close by to turn on when this happens. I'm wondering if anyone has listened to any podcasts or anything that has been helpful for anxiety, or even just any interesting podcasts that could take my mind off of things. Any suggestions would be helpful! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hey there! For reducing general feelings of anxiety, mindfulness and progressive relaxation videos on YouTube are nice. For distraction, I personally love nerdy stuff like history documentaries and science shows! My favorite YouTube channels for that stuff are AllThemedDocs (documentaries) and VSauce (science)!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7czsr4", "comment_id": "dpu4jtq"}, {"question": "Concerning CBC results for little one", "description": "Today we went for a routine doctor check with our 7 month old daughter (weight 22.4 lbs - 10.16 KG and height 28.7inches - 73cm). She is a perfect child always smiling always full of energy never had any problems.\n\nDoctor ordered a CBC and we got the results in the evening with some concerning entries.\n\nThe sections that are flagged are:\n* Neutrophils percentage - 8% with recommended values between 15-55%\n* Neutrophils count - 0.76 thousand per uL - after reading online this indicates moderate neutropenia \n* Lymphocyte percentage 80.7 with recommended values between 40-70 (and FWIW 7.01 thousand per uL with recommendations between 4-12 - so count NORMAL but percentage off)\n\nWe got scared really bad really fast and we\u2019re trying to get a sense of how bad/serious the results are before we manage to get back to doctors to figure out next steps.\n\nI\u2019d like to ask for a general opinion and not specific questions but I have some of those as well in case it helps:\n\n1) How common is neutropenia in children less than a year\n2) How often is it related to serious issues?\n3) Given that she didn\u2019t have any fever and didn\u2019t have literally any problems up till now - what could be the cause of this?\n4) What could we expect as possible causes?\n5) What are the next recommended steps?\n\nThank you so much! \n", "answer": "I'm not a pediatrician, but you have one. Talk to him or her.\n\nTake with a grain of salt, but here's what I make of it with no expertise: lymphocytes are slightly off by percentage but the count is okay, so I wouldn't worry much. The neutrophil count is also fine for a 7 month old, although the percentage is low; neutropenia is usually defined by the absolute neutrophil count, so I wouldn't worry about this either.\n\nThe most likely thing, I'd guess, is normal but relatively high counts for all the other cell types, with therefore a normal absolute neutrophil count that produces an unusually low percentage. The lymphocytes are part of it. It could be everything. In any case, for anything critical your pediatrician will call you; for anything else, it will wait. This may very well be a case where the doctor is completely unconcerned and doesn't think about how it looks to you, so call and ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1mee", "comment_id": "e4s2hup"}, {"question": "Why did PCP show up on my drug test?", "description": "Hey there. 23/F/166lbs/5'3\"/non smoker, don't drink alcohol all that much. I take Pristiq, Seroquel, Intuniv, and the pill. I had to do a drug test for my summer internship and they had to send off the sample for further testing after PCP showed up as a false positive. I've never done recreational drugs, and I was reading about it and apparently Seroquel can create a false positive for PCP on drug tests. Why is this? Is it bad that my body processes the medication that way? Should I be worried for my health at all?", "answer": "Seroquel produces a number of false positives, but PCP isn't one of them. However, there is some literature on venlafaxine/desvenlafaxine (Effexor/Pristiq) producing amphetamine and PCP false positives\n\nIt has nothing to do with how you process the drugs. The rapid drug tests are somewhat nonspecific and can pick up unrelated molecules that share just the right features. The confirmation test should show that it's a false result.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b01ta", "comment_id": "dx2y78b"}, {"question": "Suicidal, want to know what to do", "description": "Hi,\n\nI have borderline personality disorder and I tried to kill myself last summer. I got better, and then I have been getting worse and worse. These past couple days I have been having very bad panic attacks or manic episodes (not sure what exactly they are, sorry) and I think a lot about killing myself. I don't have a solid plan yet, but often I just get very close to driving on the other side of the road. Last night I started cutting again. \n\nI am on antidepressants and have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about different ones or a higher dosage. I have been thinking about going to a mental facility or hospital but I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I can't miss too much of it or I would have to start the semester over (I'm in Education). What goes on in the hospital if I were to admit myself? How long is the average stay for something like this? I understand it's completely a person-to-person thing. \n\nAt this moment I don't want to die but I will again soon and I am afraid that my time is coming to a close. I'm sorry\n\n", "answer": "If you are suicidal tell your doctor. Hospitalizations these days are typically briefer and just for stabilization. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1u9td9", "comment_id": "ceg9d4g"}, {"question": "New, suspicious", "description": "Hey all. I stumbled across this sub recently as I\u2019ve been questioning if I have adhd since I discovered it was actually a \u201cthing\u201d with adults. I was browsing and read a lot of posts that resonate with me. I took the self assessment from add.org and it was highly consistent. I\u2019ll spare you my symptoms as I\u2019m not asking for some diagnosis... I just don\u2019t know what to do\u2014the weight of this feeling of struggling silently and alone for 30 years is very heavy. \nI know that heading to the doctors and psych is the next step but covid put a hold on that for now. I suppose I could do telemedicine but I\u2019m hesitant.\nI\u2019ve been having issues with my husband as he can he sort of controlling and as I look back on or relationship and marriage I realize I clung to him because I needed someone to anchor me and give me some direction. Now that I\u2019m older I don\u2019t want that and I don\u2019t know what to do about it as we have a daughter.\nI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m trying to say. Just looking to be heard.\nThanks.", "answer": "You're realizing a lot of things about yourself and your life. I would really recommend therapy to help you integrate the things you are discovering and figure out where you want to go from here.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "h7qrj0", "comment_id": "fump5pk"}, {"question": "Help! How can I help a friend with depression?", "description": "My friend has severe depression and is always coming to me for emotional support. She is no longer taking anti-depressants and refuses to seek help through therapy. I am her only friend and the only person she speaks to other than her mum. I am not sure how to handle the situation because if I don't speak to her for an entire day she gets really scared and worried to have made me angry. The problem is that her relying on me so much for emotional support has started to take its toll on my own mental health and I am feeling more drained and tired all the time. I don't know what to do to help her but I also feel like I should help myself. Is it selfish to not want to help her all the time? Anyone gone through a similar situation?", "answer": "You can be supportive while caring for yourself. Encourage your friend to ask for what would be helpful from you, if reasonable. That being said you are not a therapist and have your own life to manage. Encourage this person to get professional help!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7ub0t1", "comment_id": "dtiwjaw"}, {"question": "Why is so much more spent on cancer when mental illness kills more?", "description": "Life years taken from mental illness compared to other diseases like cancer are much higher, yet research going into mental health is a fraction of what it is for cancer, for every 1 dollar spent on mental health research, 14 is spent on cancer. As far as treatment goes it seems mental health is the most expensive, so it seems finding better treatments would save a lot of money, but very little is spent compared to these other diseases, what is the reason for this?", "answer": "Kids and cancer, man.\n\nMedical research is narcissistic at its core, dictated by fashionable or \"easy\" outcomes that play well with public narratives and funding providers. There's also business models influencing research too - treatments are expensive to produce and providers are private sector businesses after all.\n\nThe problem with psychiatric research is the relative subjectivity of it, much less glamorous outcomes, and the lack of public interest despite its burden on society.\n\nAs another commenter says, it would make more sense to primarily place efforts of conditions that cause greater global disability (many infective diseases top this list, killing millions in developing countries). It's not gonna happen though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5itspw", "comment_id": "dbaz7oa"}, {"question": "Question for Adults with Aspergers", "description": "Is it better to do a wait-and-see approach to a diagnosis of Aspergers?  .\n\nMy son (5yo) has difficulties regulating his emotions and has a speech problem, articulation disorder.  he also fidgets a lot.  he has been attending private speech therapy for 2yrs and sadly has been kicked out of 3 preschools, after which I homeschooled him, did therapy and him in a 4hrs/week drop in program.\n\nnow due to the preschool difficulties we sought a private psychological evaluation.  cognitively he is fine, IQ is good.  the doc did see signs of anxiety, ADHD and Aspergers. however we stopped midway due to our daughter being born, some medical difficulties and being smack dab in the middle of evaluations which took an emotional toll.  so we stopped in April.\n\nshould I continue the eval process?  should I skip that for now and do an educational eval?  I'm just terrified of the unknown.", "answer": "I would also think about the consequences of getting an eval done through a school. They might try to push services that you or your child does not want. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26dh1e", "comment_id": "chqh7xa"}, {"question": "How to raise topic of circumcision in therapy?", "description": "Hello!  I have a question about how to raise a specific, sensitive topic in therapy, and I'm very nervous.  I'm looking for guidance, not trying to \"do the work\" here, if that makes sense.\n\nI'm a 30 y.o. circumcised man, and ever since I first asked why I've been circumcised, I've been unhappy about it.  I mostly feel violated about the procedure itself, which was done for non-medical reasons without anesthetic (dad is Jewish and wanted me to look like him).  I guess a part of me also wishes I could experience sex with a foreskin, but of course I'll have to find a way to accept my body the way it is.  It feels like I'm going through a grieving process similar to when I had to accept that my family is dysfunctional, except this time I'm going through it completely alone.\n\nI've been in therapy for years and worked through a bunch of stuff with my therapist.  She's great, and I've discussed a lot of other private details with her.  Circumcision is different.  She has a two-year-old son, and I have no idea whether her son was circumcised or what her views are.  I'm nervous about even introducing her to the idea that not all men are happy they were circumcised.\n\nI'm scared to even mention it here, because from what I've seen on reddit, the typical responses is to tell men to \"get over it\" or assume that there \"must be something deeper\" going on.  I guess that's always a possibility, but this feels like a pretty legitimate thing to grieve.\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapists are specifically trained to not let their personal views enter into the therapeutic relationship, so whatever her values are regarding her son she will be able to set those aside and join with you in your distress. I think you have every right to feel conflicted about your body and decisions made about it without your input. You absolutely are going through a grief process, and your therapist can surely help you process it. It sounds like you have a great, trusting relationship built with her already. Trust her again to support you in this process. Good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bv8c1u", "comment_id": "epmrq05"}, {"question": "How did I live before Concerta?", "description": "31F here. I was first diagnosed at age 25 and didn't start taking medication until about a year and a half ago (it took me a while to get over the idea that I just needed to try harder somehow).\n\nI'm having a problem with my pharmacy where they claim they didn't get the prescription from my doctor, when I KNOW she sent it. It finally got resolved and I can go pick it up today. After 3 weekdays of not having my medication, I can barely conceptualize how I functioned at all without it. I can't believe I got through college and graduate school like this. It was awful, I was put on academic probation twice, accused of \"not being dedicated to the program,\" my grades were all over the map, I lurched from depressive episode to depressive episode. . . but somehow I made it through.", "answer": "Oh my God. They didn't refill my Concerta. They refilled my sertraline (Zoloft). I wasn't out of Zoloft. I'm out of Concerta. I got the text that my prescription was ready and I thought I was going to be all set for tomorrow. Now I have to try to struggle through another brain fog day. I can't believe this. This is ridiculous.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jjtf30", "comment_id": "gagod7o"}, {"question": "My [21/F] responding to messages and questions during our [21/M] argument.", "description": "We are having an argument. In the middle of my sentence I hear her type. Talking about it later she told me that someone asked her something and because she saw it, she didn't wanna be rude and ignore in. She took one minute to reply while listening to me and then we continued the conversation normally. In my eyes the fact that she replied to that message is really rude and disrespectful and shows that she doesn't really care about what we were talking about and she got more important things to do. In her eyes I'm asking her to be rude to people on purpose to boost my ego and prove to me how important I am.", "answer": "It's rude. Most things people do with their phones are rude!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cuprt", "comment_id": "dhxhc96"}, {"question": "Sexual-OCD, intrusive thoughts and masturbation", "description": "I think this is another confession compulsion, but I need to get it out. \n\nThis week I was suddenly reminded of something that \"happened\" over a year ago. During that time my OCD was really bad and I had constant intrusive sexual thoughts. \n\nI remembered one time getting an image in my head, then getting anxious, and then getting a \"groinal response\". I was anxious about the thought, but the response felt very real, so I deicided to \"test\" myself, so I could figure out once and for all if I was a sick person.\n\nI basically forced myself to masturbate to the thought, thinking that nobody would be hurt by this \"testing\". However, I was mostly thinking about normal sexual stuff to actually stimulate myself. Needless to say, it was a horrible decision and I got very panicked about the testing. \n\nI've read sexual studies that say that physical stimulation alone can lead to an erection and that sexual thoughts in general can generate feelings of attraction, even if the content is not likeable. I'm not comparing myself to a rape victim but I've read about rape victims getting physical feelings of stimulation (obviously rape IS NEVER pleasant). I've told myself that the other sexual stuff was the thing that essentially got me excited. I've also read about groinal responses in OCD.\n\nDespite all of this, I feel like it's different (classic OCD-trick). I guess I'm looking for some reassurance here.  ", "answer": "Seeking reassurance only strengthens the cycle. \"Testing\" needs to be off the table. It's difficult with sexual obsessions, but necessary. You simply have to practice sitting with the doubt instead of trying to figure things out. I struggle with the same thing, so I get it.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "3npxsd", "comment_id": "cvq819w"}, {"question": "Can you take a kalms tablet after consuming caffeine?", "description": "Forgive me if I am writing this in the wrong subreddit, I am new to this. If it is in the wrong one, please tell me where to post.\n\nI am female, 22 years old, 5ft7, weigh 140lbs. \nI don't take any medications.\nDo not drink or smoke.\nNo serious medical issues. I have a persistent cough from a chest infection from two months ago. I also get heart palpitations sometimes.\n\nI suffer with anxiety and excessive sweating however, so I get very nervous and very sweaty in certain situations. \n\nI have my driving test coming up and I get extremely anxious when driving under pressure and I get sweaty palms so I will take a kalms tablet like an hour or so before the test.\n\n I was wondering if anyone else has taken one before their driving test and if it helped? Is it safe for me to take considering I get heart palpitations? I have had them checked out at the cardiologist and he put it down to anxiety. Does kalms make a big difference? I have never taken one before, so I don't know how I'll react to it on me on my test.\n\nBut my main question is, I was also wondering if I can have a coffee in the morning, then take the kalms right after? Would the caffeine affect it in any way? I need a coffee in the morning to function and my test is in the morning.\n\nKalms is a stress relieving tablet made from herbal remedies, and is supposed to be natural.", "answer": "Kalms pills contain an assortment of herbs. From what I can tell, none have any evidence of being effective for anything in particular. There's no reason you couldn't take it after coffee, but there's also no reason to expect it to do anything, with or without coffee.\n\nMy advice would be to save your money.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cq0oh1", "comment_id": "ewsw4mb"}, {"question": "I desperately want to communicate with my dad, but I'm scared", "description": "TL;DR - I miss my dad now more than ever. He did a huge part in raising me right when my mom was having trouble raising me (divorced). Certain events made me stop calling him and it's eating at me. It has been around 8 years since I last spoke to him. I am 23. He probably had an idea of what he wanted to do as a father - watching his children grow up into responsible adults. And I very selfishly took that from him. I hate myself for it.\n\nFirst off, a little about me. I've always had a fear of being close to people. I later grew up to find out that I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder. I am on government disability because I can't work. I am gay, but almost entirely anti-sexual due to my disabilities. One of my hardest challenges is answering the phone, which lead to me not talking to my dad anymore. Even IMing over Facebook is painfully difficult for me. I once tried to contact my dad on Facebook but it went very wrong. Basically, my stepmom intervened and shunned me for being gay and owning a 2nd, private Facebook account to avoid my family. More details on my stepmom later.\n\nMy dad. Basically, he's old fashioned. Watches TV, doesn't use a cell phone, barely uses a computer. Hunts, fishes, 4-wheeler. Air Force. Majorly disciplined-based. Hates gay people, hates anybody you would call a \"snowflake\". Very laid-back. Not very understanding of abnormalities in people, I guess. But he's an excellent father. He never did anything wrong to me, despite our differences. Blocking him out of my life is easily my worst mistake.\n\nMy stepmom. I spent 5 years with her and my dad. I tried so very hard to gain her respect and love. She was very emotionally neglecting. Not abusive, but absent. She also started drinking alcohol, which ultimately ended in her kicking me and my brother out of the house while my dad was stationed in Korea (Air Force). My brother and I tried so hard with her, but our dad didn't see what we were going through. He always sided with her - even that night we got kicked out. I was 14 and my brother was 16. We had to spend the night at our neighbor's house while my mom came overnight to get us. I hate blaming people, but I do single-handedly blame her for the severity of my relationship with my dad. If she hadn't gotten drunk and kicked out her mid teenaged step children, none of this would have happened. My dad would have come back from Korea and continued to be a great father. I could go on about this nonstop, so I'll just force an end with that.\n\nFinally, my relationship with my dad and how it has affected me. I was 15 or 16 when I last spoke to him. I think about him almost every day. And when I do, it's dreadfully painful for me. I love him to death but I don't have the courage or willpower to even write him a letter. I'm terrified of what he will say to me. What if I finally do it and he blames me for blocking him out? What if he has finally gotten over me leaving and no longer wants to communicate with me?\n\nMy biggest fear is that he will get sick or even grow old and I miss the years of opportunity to fix this. I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I'm so scared.", "answer": "Well my friend; I'm a therapist and this is about the most thoughtful, mature post I've ever read.\nWe can't control what other people do and think. So we have to act based on our own thoughts and feelings first and foremost. The important thing is you have the maturity, and the sensitivity, and the intelligence to process all of this painful stuff.  So I would suggest you act on your heart, which is your desire to contact him and explore the possibilities of a good future as father and son.   You have to be fully mentally prepared for anything,  since his psyche is an unknown variable.  He could do or say anything;  from ignoring you, to being vitriolic, and everything in between. William Faulkner said \"between grief and nothing, I will take grief\".  If the worst scenario occurs, than your Dad has lots of permanent inadequacies, totally unrelated to you. If the result is fair to great, then I think you answered the call of your generous spirit.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjts6", "comment_id": "ddn1xpl"}, {"question": "How can I increase my patience?", "description": "A little over a year ago I moved in with my fianc\u00e9, she had a child who was 4, now 5 who has always been crazy, as most five year old boys are. When I drank I could be a lot more relaxed with his behavior and not care as much, but now that I\u2019ve stopped I\u2019m almost constantly on edge with him and very irritable. It took a few days for me to realize that he really isn\u2019t being that bad, but I\u2019ve been on his ass about acting right when really he is just being a kid. What methods can I use to increase my patience with him?", "answer": "The best book on relating to children is \u201cHow to talk so kids listen and how to listen so kids talk\u201d by Faber and Mazlish. It was inspired by the ideas of Haim Ginnot. Dr John Gottman, the world renowned marriage counselor dedicated his first book to Dr. Ginnot. The key is to try to understand the motivating emotions first and express that understanding in a way the child can understand. It works with adults too.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fdylzg", "comment_id": "fjl3uhj"}, {"question": "My (20M) GF (17F) hasn't got a lot of time for me and refuses to make it. What do you think?", "description": "The title is a bit concise.\nMy girlfriend and i are both in our first relationship, everything is great when we're together, i love her dearly and she loves me too. But for some reason she cannot make time for me, she goes to college, has a job, couple of friends and she plays sports at a fairly high level. \nI have no problem with any of those intrinsically, because i think its great she has a lot of things going on. Problem is, when scheduling stuff to do, she seems to forget me. I have brought this up several times and she promised to better herself, but now she's gone out again and i'm alone writing this.\nDoes anyone have any advice? Any questions i should ask myself? Thanks in advance!\nEdit; gf is 18, almost 19.", "answer": "she simply has different needs than you at the moment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39vw", "comment_id": "dmkcgzm"}, {"question": "[20/M] My girlfriend [21/F] admitted sex makes her feel bad", "description": "I may post this in r/sex if that is more helpful, but this is still a relationship question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. She's intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and always puts others before herself. We instantly clicked but on our first date I remembered her telling me she moves very slowly in relationships. After three dates we were officially dating, but she asked to keep it off Facebook. It took another two dates until we even kissed, and two weeks after that to start fooling around (nakedness but not actual sex).\n\nAfter four months we still hadn't slept together, she always got tense when I moved things intimately. I asked her why and she'd just shrug it off, so I backed off. Eventually she admitted while she had fooled around with a past boyfriend, she was a virgin. I insisted it wasn't a big deal, and two months later we finally had sex.\n\nShe doesn't usually initiate, but always seems eager when we sleep together. She's come a long way, makes sure she does things that I like, but I recently realized she gets very uncomfortable whenever I focus on her. I thought maybe she was insecure about how she looked, but she'll have sex with the lights on and has never complained about her body before.\n\nLong story short, I started foreplay when she was over last night and she was in to it until I started paying her too much attention. Like I pulled her hands away from touching me to go down on her (she's never let me do that). She got really tense and asked me to stop. I of course backed off and asked her if she was okay, she said yes but to not do that, and I asked her why. When she started to shrug it off I was more firm and said I wanted to know why she won't let me focus just on her.\n\nShe burst in to tears and I felt like a complete jackass. I didn't yell or anything, and she's never cried before. She told me that her ex was her first sexual partner (as in being sexual, they never had sex) but he made her feel awful about sex. When she said she was a virgin it was like a huge fetish and all he cared about was taking her virginity. She said he'd get her drunk, feel her up in public, initiate when she said no and wouldn't stop until she physically got him off of her. My girlfriend said sex was always a one-way thing that wouldn't end until he got off no matter what. He made her pleasure some kind of bargaining chip like \"if I made you feel good now you HAVE to get me off.\"\n\nMy girlfriend said all she thought about while having sex was making sure I was happy. Like her end goal was never to feel good herself, it was to get me off so our relationship didn't end up like that. She started going on and on about how she knows sex for guys is the most important part of dating and was afraid if I tried to get her to orgasm (which she never has because she stops me) I'd use it against her.\n\nHonestly I had NO idea she thought of sex like that. I finally got her to calm down and said this was a discussion we should have after she slept on it. I don't know what to do. Basically my girlfriend thinks sex is just to satisfy me and I'd somehow use her getting off as an excuse to escalate to things she might not want to do. I feel so bad because she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and for some douche to use her inexperience against her like that... ugh.\n\nI just don't know how to talk to her about it. We're meeting up tomorrow night. Do I take a break from sex with her and say only when she's ready we'll start up again? She feels like somehow she's broken and she isn't, she just dated a douche and tried hard to seem like the perfect girlfriend.\n\n**tl;dr:** Girlfriend of 8 months and I started having sex 2 months ago. She admitted the reason she won't let me focus on her pleasure is because her ex made sex all about him and used her feeling good as an excuse to escalate his own needs. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "Go slow. Be patient. Let her be in control of how this evolves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u73kc", "comment_id": "dlqiuas"}, {"question": "Why wasn't I \"awake\" until adulthood?", "description": "I have a hard time remembering things as a kid. I remember some specific events here and there but nothing too significant. So when I hear other people talk about the wonderful times as a child and some of their specific instances like 'early childhood crushes', 'their favorite type of music they were into', etc, I find it hard to relate. I didn't have those things, not because I was mistreated by my family or anything of the sort. \n\nI feel like the reason I can't relate to those things was because as a child, I didn't have a personality. I was a complete drone. I didn't have opinions. I didn't have 'likes'. I was a complete robot who did what he was told and started 'malfunctioning' in middle school. The whole reason I say 'malfunctioning' is because I still didn't have a personality in middle school, but I stopped doing things I was told to do. \n\nInstead of doing homework, I played video games. Instead of doing chores, I played video games. Instead of doing anything, I played video games.\n\nI nearly flunked a grade because of it. \n\nSo that's why I'm asking this. Is this fairly normal? Or is there something wrong?", "answer": "Take a look at Erickson's stages of development.  Some folks get stuck in one and it takes them longer than usual to progress to the next.  In other cases, folks skip a step and because they didn't have a healthy resolution of a certain stage it continues to cause them problems later in life.  For whatever reason, something like this may have been the case for you.  On top of that, sounds like you developed a  bit of a gaming addiction early on which would cause a heap of problems for anyone, but especially when it happens in early childhood.  \n\n\nhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bqw6ox", "comment_id": "eocp8vv"}, {"question": "Has anyone else's sleep patterns get completely wrecked from doing therapy?", "description": "To provide some backstory to my question, I experience anxiety/PTSD-esque reactions due to specific triggers from relationship related trauma that occurred over 10 years ago. This also has caused bouts of anxiety based insomnia after that relationship ended for a time. \n\nInstead of going to the doctor at the time I chose to drink each night to ensure I slept. I did that 7 days a week for the next 10 years. After stopping that pattern in May, sleep was generally much improved and restful till I started a more intense regimen of therapy. \n\nI used to go bi-weekly to a psychotherapist but since added on a weekly specialized therapy group for alcohol use + seeing a psych doctor in conjunction. I also read a lot more about this subject matter and try to practice as much as possible to \"relearn\" healthier ways of thinking and doing. \n\nThe combination of all of this has left me with what seems to be almost a perpetual state of \"emotional hangover.\" Since this intense schedule began I've noticed my sleep to be completely bonkers.\n\nI went from an average of 7 hrs with not much time getting to sleep with maybe 1-2 wake ups to experiencing 5+ wake ups a night, being awake for hours and some nights not sleeping at all.\n\nI try to have good sleep hygiene aka: turn off screens an hour before bed, read, listen to calming podcasts etc and nothing seems to really help. Often I'll wake up at like 2-3am and feel wide awake so rather than toss and turn I just get up and ride out the day but I know that's NOT healthy, but I'm not getting anywhere further with this easing either so not sure what to do about it.\n\nDoes anyone have any similar experiences?", "answer": "So you are engaging in therapy 3-4 times a week (I'm assuming that you see the psychiatrist every few weeks to months and not weekly)? I give you kudos for doing that all outpatient.\n\nSounds like you are working with your feelings a ton more, and that's what leads to the \"emotional hangover\" that then keeps you up at night. That can definitely happen. Have you spoken about this with your therapist? If you are seeing a psychiatrist also, if there's any new medication in the picture, that could also be a side effect.\n\nI'd bring it up at your next appointment with the therapist and psychiatrist and see what each propose. Perhaps some activities or strategies to better combat the \"emotional hangover\" or redirecting a therapy session to something less emotionally intensive may be helpful there. Also, maybe a change of med regiment could also be an answer. \n\nRegardless, good on your for prioritizing your mental wellness!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dmh7jm", "comment_id": "f50icq2"}, {"question": "Should I admit myself to a psychward", "description": "So I've been pretty bad for about a month now. Been constantly suicidal and hurting myself. I have borderline personality disorder, but I believe I may be going through some kind of emotional breakdown. I've been denied hospitalization twice now, due to my diagnosis. However, I feel I cannot keep myself safe. Just today I tried to OD and hang myself but my dad stopped me. Been down A&E about 4 or 5 times now due to suicidal thoughts. I've also been under the crisis team about 3 times. Constantly going round in circles of getting better for a little while then dropping again, and needing to be under the crisis team again. I don;t know why I do it, I'm just in so much pain. This is the most pain I think I've ever been in. My dad said he's gonna speak to the guy who denied me hospitalization since he can't handle my outbursts anymore, and he can't keep me on suicide watch 24/7. He believes a hospital will be able to fully take care of me. The mental health staff tell me I'm too young to go into hospital, that I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm 19.\n\nAm I making a wrong decision? I'm scared I'll regret it, as I'll be with people who have no insight. Unlike me with full insight, yet extremely suicidal. I still have the chance to ask my dad not to speak to the guy. However, I feel that if I don't go in hospital I may seriously hurt myself. I need some advice with this.\n", "answer": "It's really hard to give advice as every situation is different. It's really really difficult when you struggle with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and you have to deal with all that emotional liability.\n\nYou sound like a UK sufferer? If so then I'd strongly advise you to work with the crisis teams and your responsible psychiatrist on this. If you feel that you aren't being listened to - be honest about it. We psychiatrists are only human and don't always get it right. On the other hand, the team might have grasped the best way to manage crisis moments having known you for long enough.\n\nThis post is deliberately vague because I don't know you. There have been patients that I work with that I would admit in similar situations and patients that I would avoid admitting at all costs.\n\nI can only give you my most genuine and sincere sympathy for your extreme distress, but keep pestering your doctors and nurses until you have a feeling of some control over your situation.\n\nEdit: it's my experience that many never have a proper conversation about what personality disorder actually is. [Here's what I point my patients to when I talk about it.](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)\n\nEdit2: Inpatient care manages the risk of harm but doesn't treat the personality disorder in the classical sense. On the other hand people can suffer multiple illnesses and psychiatrists should bear that in mind and not label every behaviour to personality disorder.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "4vjecq", "comment_id": "d5yxrip"}, {"question": "Curing Cancer Only Extends Life By 3 Years?", "description": "Is it true that curing cancer would only extend the average life by like 3 years, the reason why  would be that the next thing would get you e.g. you would get heart disease. It makes sense but I haven't seen any actual proof but I dont' see why it would not be true.\n\n[https://youtu.be/HTzfJnnzOnA?t=4587](https://youtu.be/HTzfJnnzOnA?t=4587)\n\n\u2022Google \n\"Gains in life expectancy after elimination of major causes of death\" ", "answer": "If you cure prostate cancer in an 85 year old man with multiple other chronic illnesses then 3 more years might be beating the odds. Cure leukemia in a 20 year old and you can expect decades of life.\n\nCancer isn\u2019t one disease, and I\u2019m suspicious of the 3 years you cite. I\u2019ve never seen it before.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rhm5r", "comment_id": "e8hgyu1"}, {"question": "Something I've noticed about this subreddit that a lot of you do that makes me feel at home.", "description": "I always find myself browsing new posts on this sub and I always see people deleting comments and posts. It's funny to me that there's a grip of people like me that impulsively post shit and regret it 5 minutes later. Blame it on the RSD baby!", "answer": "I notice my RSD is stroooooong on reddit in general!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xcrbp", "comment_id": "e9whfji"}, {"question": "Social Anxiety Disorder/self harm/depression excuses?", "description": "So, I've been off school for a few months due to social anxiety disorder, self harm and depression. When I go back, there are bound to be questions, but I don't want to tell people about my problems. What sort of excuses can I use? I'm looking for funny stuff that people won't know how to respond to. e.g. \"what are those scars from. Did you cut yourself or something?\" \"No, I wrestled a werewolf and he got me pretty bad, but I beat him, so it's all good\"", "answer": "My main advice is to stop for a second and take a read on who's asking the question.\nQuestion number one - are they being respectful?\nIf they are being a jerk (asking you personal questions in public places, or they seem to be trying to make you feel uncomfortable, being judgemental etc) - don't try to be funny. Just shut them down. (ignore them or \"the cat\" will do)\nIf they are being nice - then being funny is cool.\n\nPlus you can always work the werewolf into a metaphor for your own dark side later... We all have a dark side.\n\nRemember - your personal life is noone else's business. Share your personal life only with people who have earned some of your trust. And be funny only with people who have earned your sense of humour.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1fkukq", "comment_id": "cabglbf"}, {"question": "Would this be considered an eating disorder?", "description": "Beware,  long wall of text. \n\nI'm 28 [F] 5\"6,weigh 110 and for the past 2 years I have been having an incredibly difficult time eating and almost constantly feel like I want to vomit. A couple of years ago I started feeling nauseated frequently for seemingly no reason, anything I eat immediately makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. I can be incredibly hungry...hunger pains, my stomach growling, haven't eaten in days... and as soon as I take one or two bites of food I immediately feel a lump rise up in my throat and the overwhelming feeling like I want to vomit and then I can't eat anymore. I try to force myself sometimes but it just ends with me feeling disgustingly sick and not being able to finish. Yesterday was the first time I had eaten in 3 days, aside from a couple of bites of shrimp lo mein the day before (I had tried SO hard to eat the whole thing, but couldn't). I started with a small bowl of noodle soup, hoping to trick myself into eating food. I was able to get that and a couple of pieces of pizza down, but I struggled with it and felt awful for an hour after. This is pretty much my routine now...don't eat for a few days until the hunger pains are unbearable, then force myself to struggle through a meal and feel like I want to puke it all up after. Rinse and repeat. \n\nI am also now incredibly sensitive to smells. Being in a kitchen while someone is cooking, or around someone who is vaping makes me gag and feel the need to vomit as soon as the smell hits me. Restrooms I usually have to hold my breath in, and I find myself avoiding a lot of public places in general because of all the smells. I just started working in a restaurant recently, and every shift is a nightmare for me because of the smells.\n\nSometimes the nauseated feeling is there with seemingly no triggers at all. Making out with someone? Hold up a minute while I run to the bathroom out of nowhere to puke my guts up. Playing a game with friends? Guys I don't feel very well..\nAnd of course I am CONSTANTLY lethargic. There is never me not feeling sleepy and sluggish. That is my normal. \n\nI do not experience, and never have experienced, body dysmorphia. I love my body, and there has never been a point where I haven't. I also don't look at myself in the mirror and go \"you better fucking stay like that\". Lately I have been worried about my need to eat more because my face is starting to look gaunt. I want to eat, I want to gain weight. My gag reflex however does not agree. \n\nI walk 3 to 5 miles a day, but that is due to severe anxiety and not because I'm trying to maintain any weight (though it does keep me relatively in shape considering how much time I spend on my PC). \n\nI do suffer from PTSD and severe depression and struggle with suicidal thoughts  which I don't know if maybe depression could affect someone like this?  I sometimes feel like it's all in my head.\nI did also have to go to the E.R. a few months after this started after spending 10 hours vomiting and having severe, also bloody diarrhea. The E.R. doctor told me they found a colitis in my large intestine and told me to see a specialist since bowel cancer and ulcerative colitis run in my family. I did go see a gastroenterologist, and after trying several different medications to try to curb the nausea(Zofran, Promethazine, a couple others I can't recall) with no relief I lost my job and thus my insurance and was no longer able to see a specialist further. I cannot afford a gastro again, but obviously need some kind of help here. Is this something a general practitioner can help me with, or am I best waiting until I've saved up enough for a specialist? \n\nThis is obviously not healthy, and I'm scared that I'm going to slowly kill myself of malnutrition if this continues. I feel miserable. I just want to eat like a normal person. \n", "answer": "Sounds like a medical issue leading to problems keeping food down rather than a mental disorder - though your existing issues might be contributing to it. Does any of your difficulties with eating correlate with your mental health?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p5dzd", "comment_id": "dcpp7tj"}, {"question": "Girl [21F] cancelled on me [21M] for school work", "description": "I started hanging out with this girl, and we started talking and flirting a bit. We ended up setting a lunch hang-out session after class and she cancelled it on the day of because\na)the class ended after lunch hour (around 2:00PM) b)she had a lot of studying to do after class\nShe said we could reschedule for some another time, but I didn't bother being enthusiastic about it yet because I'm the one who initiated the first hang-out in the first place. I'm losing interest in her as I thought she was interested in me judging by the way things were going. But thinking about it, if a girl really wanted to get to know me or liked me, she would go out of her trivial matters to make it happen. Am I overreacting or should I consider this a mismatch?\n\ntl;dr Girl canceled on a chance to hang out with me for school work, we've been flirting for a while and I thought she liked me. If she isn't willing to spare an hour of her life to a guy, it probably means that she's not into him?", "answer": "Maybe she's bit concerned about a long-term future with a guy that considers school work \"trivial?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20l92t", "comment_id": "cg4cpfb"}, {"question": "How to jumpstart stomach in the morning without coffee", "description": "Male, 20, 145 lbs.\n\nI've been relying on black coffee to crap in the mornings, but I don't want to increqse my caffeine tolerance or even relt on caffeine. Any healthier zero calories alternatives?", "answer": "Black coffee has very few calories and is not unhealthy. There are lots of studies on coffee consumption, and while none to my knowledge are the gold standard randomized, controlled, double-blind study (because that's pretty hard to do with food and drink), the studies largely come down on the side of coffee being safe and possibly slightly reducing your risk of a few diseases.\n\nIf you're concerned about caffeine then your options for things to drink are pretty much water, non-caffeinated teas, or decaf coffee or tea (both of which have a little bit of caffeine but much less.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91hxab", "comment_id": "e2y3p0p"}, {"question": "[Text]Match Day, a story about a crippling defeat, meant to inspire", "description": "Hello Reddit. Please bear with me, this is my first post to reddit. I'm usually one of the guys who reads inspiring posts and carries it throughout the day. This morning I felt compelled to return the favor. ~~I'll try to keep it short~~, but this is my story.\n\nA little bit of background information. Today, the 3rd Friday in February is Match Day and a very important day in the life of a psychology graduate student. After numerous years of education (read: ~10 including college) it is time to be matched to an internship program to complete your doctoral degree. Interviews, traveling across the country, no sleep, laughably broke, rental cars, countless essays, revisions and cover letters all over the past few months submitted into a glorified (read: flawed) computer program all culminates today. \n\nAs you can imagine, it can be a glorious tale of success if you are matched with a program, but it can also be a crippling defeat for someone who didn't get an invite to the ball. If you are the former, congratulations on all of your success, go out and enjoy. This is an amazing accomplishment and you and your family should be very proud. \n\nMy story is for the latter. 3 years ago today, I did not match with a program. I did not get an invite to the ball and all 12 of my friends received better news than I did. I fell into a spiral of sadness, questioning if I did something wrong, how did this happen, what did everyone else do that I must have forgotten. I was desperate for answers, but I was looking in all the wrong places. My mistake, was that I turned inwards, and I doubted everything that I was so proud of hours before. \n\nThe solution was that I finally reached out. I told my friends which helped remove some of the self-doubt. There is one professor in my program who I truly trusted, not only as an educator but as a friend. He made room in his schedule and saw me for over 1.5 hours. Reaching out to others got me the support that I needed to get motivated and have enough resolve to address my weaknesses and fortify my strengths. We made a plan to get additional experiences and work on interviewing skills to make sure I was an ideal candidate for internship for next year. (btw, I did try phase II later that year but also did not match)\n\nMy invite arrived next year. All of my planning and extra effort including working the extra job to support myself and gaining different clinical activities allowed me to get a top notch internship at a VA (highly competitive). Looking back, I had no shot at getting a VA internship the first time around, but I worked harder and got a better site than any of my other friends did the previous year. \n\nI'm writing this today to let you know that it gets better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. The system has failed graduate students because there are quite frankly too many of us and not enough spots. It became this invalidating monster and we are left to face the consequences, but you don't have to do it alone. \n\nAll in all, it was worth waiting the extra year to get a much better site. I have since completed my internship, earned my doctorate, and moved on to a VA Post-Doctoral program. Earlier today, I submitted my application for licensure as a Clinical Psychologist.\n\n**TL:DR** Match Day is a very emotional day, both good and bad. For the latter, reach out to others, your accomplishments are still valuable and if you get motivated and work on your clinical skills everything will work out just fine...maybe even better. Good Luck!\n\nEdit: Some stream of consciousness grammatical errors were made and corrected. I am also learning a few new tricks!", "answer": "Congrats man!!  The VA *is* super competitive so big-time kudos to you!\n\nI am in a very similar timeline as you, currently doing post-doc and working on licensure.  I didn't go through the national match process to find my internship, but took the easy way out through a loophole APPIC consortium my program created.  \n\nI saw the hell my friends went through in the match.  A fellow student with awesome grades, stellar resume, and good interviewing skills didn't match.  I couldn't believe it.  \n\nI do know what the waiting feels like though.  I took the EPPP in early January (never got my master's license, so didn't test out of it earlier).  Results are supposed to take 6 weeks, which seems odd as the tests is computer scored.  I just found out the tests from December and January haven't been processed and that I'll have to wait another 2 weeks.  I'm dying.  I don't think I did that well, despite studying for months and I worry I'll be broken if I didn't pass.", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "2wk7m8", "comment_id": "cornkou"}, {"question": "bye dudes", "description": "i\u2019m quitting life. Fuck it. i have been so done for so long but this time, imma do it right. \nbest of luck to all of you,\na random internet stranger", "answer": "don't do it! i promise, if you wait this out, it will pass and life will get better!!!", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "fpje9y", "comment_id": "fllp7bi"}, {"question": "If I were to see a therapist/mental health professional for substance abuse, what would happen?", "description": "I\u2019ve been taking opioids for two months (I was first prescribed them then I started stealing them from my mom and sister after I ran out). The last time I took them was March 7 and I feel like I\u2019m losing it. I\u2019ve been looking through my whole house for some kind of drugs and there\u2019s been a couple of times where I almost bought some. \n\nI want to see a therapist or some other mental health professional for this because I have no one to talk to but I\u2019m worried for what they\u2019ll think of me and that they\u2019ll put me on the \u201cdon\u2019t give drugs to\u201d list. \n\nAny advice?", "answer": "You won't be placed on a drug list for seeing anyone. However, when you are prescribed controlled substances there is a database called the PDMP that many states use.\n\nYou would most likely meet with the addiction specialist and complete an evaulation & discussion in which you both would collavoratively come up with a plan of action for getting you support that you need. You would get to decide if you wanted to follow through with recommendations or not and discuss alternatives. It is really nice to have support.\nYou are most likely experiencing residual withdrawal symptoms and it helps to learn how to cope and work through the early stages of recovery. If you want to, you can call the Alcohol and drug helpline which can answer any questions and help connect you with a professional.\n\nThe National helpline number is 1-844-289-0879.\n\n Please feel free to message me anytime if I can support you or answer any questions.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fjo3d1", "comment_id": "fkomx8v"}, {"question": "How do I fight off my sexual fantasy?", "description": "I'll keep this one simple as I can\n\nBeen with my current girlfriend for 2 years, things are great. We've known each other for a lot longer than that. Both interested in getting married in a couple years. \n\nLately, I've been having the urge to sate a sexual fantasy of mine.\n\nI really like MILFs/cougar/older women. I'm 25 right now and I know the older I get the less interesting the fantasy will become to me, but its just something that turns me one\n\nWhen I was single I'd been with two older women, one when I was 21 and another 23, met them online on okcupid and craigslist\n\nAnyways, lately, that fantasy/fetish has been itching at me and I just really want to fuck a MILF again\n\nThe problem is I know my girlfriend would never be open to it. \n\nShes pretty open sexually, we communicate good, she reads smut and I watch porn and we are both extremely open and honest about our sexuality with each other, very positive\n\nI just don't know how to bring this up to her, I don't want her to think I want to cheat on her or do something dishonest\n\nI just don't know what else to do, the only other option would be to just play my cards with a burner email account and stay private but I feel like that just doesn't feel good to me\n\nWhat should I do", "answer": "if one needs to play out fantasies, they are not ready to be in a committed relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q5649", "comment_id": "dcwd8kf"}, {"question": "I have had enough!", "description": "This is the third time i have broken my streak(9days,6days,7days).But now,im coming back with full force,Im gonna make this streak go upto atleast 100now and i wont surrender to fapping again.The 6-7 days i didnt fap gave me a lot of confidence and i dont want go back to that shitty condition of fapping 4-5 times a day.Plus,i feel like i got a girl to like me aswell and become good friends with her. Wish me luck guys,im aiming for A solid 100 this time and i wont give up!", "answer": "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. 100 is good goal, but keep the focus on one day!", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bn3skb", "comment_id": "en214oz"}, {"question": "What are the top 10 most painful mental illnesses?", "description": "I don't know if this is the right place for the thread. Speaking of mental disorders, what are the top 10 most painful mental illnesses?", "answer": "Anorexia because its the most deadly.  Once you're dead, there is no hope for recovery.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2h55jy", "comment_id": "ckqyg1k"}, {"question": "Dysthymia vs Major?", "description": "This past Saturday I had an appointment with a psychologist. It was the first time seeing one in many years and it was most to talk about my Mom and how to deal with her issues. However, she asked me if I had ever heard of Dysthymia and I told her no. I later found out it\u2019s just another word for Chronic Depression. She asked what I had been diagnosed with before and everyone had always told me \u201cmajor depression.\u201d  I understand that major is more severe and acute while chronic is more mild but long term. Is it possible to be both major and chronic?  I truly don\u2019t feel like I\u2019ve ever been better but I have months where things are better than other months. Anyone know how to tell a difference?", "answer": "I'm really boiling this down and simplifying, so any other professionals, please excuse the over-simplification, but essentially, Major Depressive Disorder would constitute a period of depression with many very severe symptoms, often having a disastrous effect on your ability to work, maintain social relationships, take care of your activities of daily living, etc.  \n\nDysthymia is a chronic low level of depression, where in most cases, the person can still function, but their functioning is impaired due to the constant but less severe depressive symptoms (low energy, inability to feel joy, irritability, etc.)\n\nGenerally though their are a lot of similarities in the way they present, in my opinion, I believe they occur due to fairly different circumstances/reasons.  \n\nLet me know if this isn't clear or you have any follow up questions.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80erfe", "comment_id": "duv0mn9"}, {"question": "Diagnosing Mental Illnesses", "description": "I've been interested in mental illness for a long time, and one question I have never been able to find a satisfying answer for is the extent to which it can be accurately diagnosed. To give a little personal background, I've never been diagnosed with a mental illness. However, I did see a doctor when I was around 12 or 13 (I lied about my symptoms because I didn't want to be put on medication), and am confident that if I were to see a mental health professional and be honest with them I could get diagnosed with a few disorders. Without going into great detail, I have moderately severe anxiety (mostly social) and depression. I also have a tendency to be paranoid and occasionally things I know aren't true seem to be very real (for example, as a teenager I once convinced myself that I had contracted rabies despite never having been bitten by an animal and displaying no symptoms). Not looking for sympathy, just want to give some context as to where I'm coming from.\n\nIn a college I read David Rosenhan's \"On Being Sane in Insane Places,\" where he essentially displayed the inability of psychiatric hospitals to diagnose schizophrenia. Based on this, I ended up writing a term paper entitled \"The Social Origins of Mental Illness,\" the central argument of which was that most mental illnesses are either just behavior society deems abnormal or are caused to a large extent by an individual's social environment. Building off this idea, I started to try to come up with my own definition of mental health, and have been very unsuccessful. This is largely due to the fact that I don't think I've ever met a human being that I think is sane, myself included. Some people think worshiping the sun is insane, but have no problem kneeling in front of a cross to pray and sincerely believe that they can communicate with a guy they read about in a book who supposedly died over 2000 years ago. To me, that seems to be an indicator of poor mental health. Humanity is destroying the planet that sustains us as a species and yet every day people pile into their cars to drive to a job they hate. I don't believe that any of those people are mentally healthy.\n\nI guess my point here boils down to me not being able to take seriously any diagnosis of mental illness, at least not in this society, because I don't believe I have met anyone who is mentally stable enough, myself included, to make such a diagnosis. Has anyone experienced something similar?", "answer": "Mental illness diagnosis largely revolves around symptoms that cause a considerable amount of distress, whether acute or chronic in nature, depending on the disorder. \nI would direct you to the DSM for criteria for diagnosing mental illness for specifics and because I'm not going to try to list symptoms from memory and call it accurate. \nAn example would be major depressive disorder, which usually goes beyond just feeling sad or hopeless from time to time. Depression symptoms have to be present for something like 6 months straight prior to a diagnosis being made. Some symptoms would be suicidal ideation and planning, hopelessness, feelings of extreme sadness, markedly increased or decreased appetite, overeating or undereating, and extremely low motivation to do anything. \nPeople with manor depressive disorder are locked into a state of these symptoms for months on end without relief, causing considerable distress in their daily life. The main reason for any mental health diagnosis is to provide some understanding for treatment modalities that tend to work well for people experiencing distress from similar symptoms, while the symptoms may present differently in different people. \n\nIt sounds like you have a cynical view of a couple areas, and I've found the only remedy for cynicism is research and diving into the history of the subject you disbelieve or don't trust. Rather than seeking out someone that you  believe is sane, I would maybe research what people diagnosed with different mental illnesses show as far as symptoms oraybe take the chance to work in mental health in order to get a comparison of abnormal vs normal behavior. Seeing what society deems as abnormal may help you see the basis for mental health diagnosis, why it exists, and that it isn't a hoax or part of a larger conspiracy fabricated and perpetuated by society. \nI hope this helps\n\nSource: I have been working in mental health since high school and currently work on an inpatient mental health floor and in an ED as a mental health professional. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7up0q3", "comment_id": "dtm6l0p"}, {"question": "Disagreement with \"Gaming Disorder\" Classification", "description": "WHO recently created a new disease classification, called \"Gaming Disorder.\" You can see their article for it online [here](http://www.who.int/features/qa/gaming-disorder/en/).\n\nI am concerned about this classification, because it appears to me that it was made by people who misunderstand what is actually going on. I am afraid that people will suffer from this misunderstanding, and will not receive the treatment they require to get better. Instead, many people (especially children) could be harmed by this.\n\nI am NOT a medical health professional. However, under this new classification, I would have been diagnosed with this illness several years ago, and I have since overcome this problem. Because of these experiences I have had, I have a very good understanding of why people, especially children, play video games too much. If you want to read about my experiences, please read the CONTEXT section bellow.\n\nFirst off, this illness is focused too much on video games. Yes, video game overuse is a problem, but I think that this illness should also include overuse of other forms of media, including social networks, texting, books, magazines, comics, television, and more. If a person uses ANY form of media to the point that they refuse to participate in life, they should be classified as having this illness. For instance, if a child refuses to go to school, and stays up late reading books, this would be an example of what I am talking about.\n\nSecond off, this illness should be renamed to be something like \"Escape Disorder,\" to show that it is not solely related to video games, and to better explain the cause of this disorder in its name.\n\nA person with this disorder, would be unwilling to participate in life, and instead would spend all of his or her time \"escaping\" through the use of his or her chosen media. The best way to help someone with this disorder, is NOT to take away their chosen media, as this will cause the person to become depressed due to them not having anything to do with their life. Instead, this person should be helped so that he or she can become more willing to participate in real life. If the person is able to participate in real life again, the person will STOP using the media too much. Because of this, I do not consider this an addiction!\n\nCONTEXT:\n\nNOTE: The purpose of this is section is not to spread anger at my family. I love my parents, and they love me. They feel just as terrible about how things happened as I do. We have since grown to understand each other better.\n\nWhen I was a kid, my mother was a doctor and would come home screaming at everyone due to stress. My dad was strict, trying to keep her happy, and in turn got mad at me for stupid things. I was young, and had no idea the things were stupid, and felt guilty/scared all the time. My parents got mad even if I got an A, because it wasn't an A+, saying I'm \"smart enough to do better.\" In school, I was a victim to systematic bullying ingrained in my class, and I was sitting alone every lunch in the corner of the cafeteria. I was very depressed, and my only escape was video games. Despite my good grades, games were taken from me, and I was barely able to play anything besides crap freeware games online or pirated things, because my parents thought I played them too much. Even then, they would get very mad at me if they caught anything on my computer. I was told that cartoons were stupid, and I should be ashamed if I liked them. I was told that pokemon is stupid, and that I was better without it. After my parents noticed me watching cartoons on TV, they blocked all those channels, only leaving me to watch PBS children's cartoons when I was way too old to even care for them in sixth grade. This further separated me from my classmates, as they would talk about the latest cartoons, movies, games, etc, and I would not be able to partake. This was made worse with the fact I have breathing issues, and was never able to compete in sports. When I finally got mental help for my depression and anxiety, my mother required me to let her sit with me in each visit (she would get mad at me later if I didn't), and she would always rant to the therapist about how \"everything I think about is Video Games\" and how evil they are. The doctor would then encourage me to participate in extracurricular activities with my classmates, and to \"make more friends\" at school. I would try these things, fail, and get more depressed. Wasn't until I got a head injury from a bully classmate that almost killed me, that my mother realized her mistake. We are all on good terms now, about 10 years later.\n\nI only got better, when I was given more access media like my classmates. After this, I started my slow recovery, and I eventually overcame my anxiety and depression. When this happened, I stopped playing games as much, because in the end, I would rather spend time doing things in real life than online if its possible.", "answer": "The reason for the focus on video games specifically is there has been a major upswing in the recent years of individuals experiencing major health problems or life set backs directly related to their addiction to video games.  Research has suggested that video games, especially newer ones (this includes cell phone games as well) are specifically made with the purpose of creating an addiction and brain scans of folks with severe video game addictions are showing similar patterns to those with addictions to hard drugs.\n\n\nYou're right, anyone can become behaviorally addicted to escapist coping skills like tv, reading, table top games, etc.  The key difference right now is that as far as the research goes, those things don't create as severe of a change in brain chemistry the way that video games do.  There also haven't been as many documented cases of death or other major problems that can be directly related to these things in the ways that video games have.  \n\n\nI'm a therapist and I love video games.  I play MOBA's with friends a couple nights a week.  I think video games can be great for teaching things, helping to socialize with people who live far away, but when misused, can cause really severe problems.  This is why they classified this as a disorder.  \n\n\nThe other main practical reason is that more and more people are seeking treatment specifically for video game addiction.  If you want to use your health insurance for treatment, you need to be given a diagnosis related to that treatment.  Classifying this as a disorder helps folks who want to use their insurance for treatment of video game addiction now can and don't have to pay 100's or 1000's of dollars out of pocket.  \n\n\nI'm sorry you had such a rough childhood and it certainly doesn't sound like your parents handled your issues the right way at all.  I wish things would have been better for you, but that doesn't mean because of your experience that this isn't a legitimate problem for many folks.      ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "97ojad", "comment_id": "e4apz9s"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "Here\u2019s an email I send friends...\n\nPractice Mindfulness: \n- Square breathing: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds\u2014repeat several times. \n- 4-5-6 breathing: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, breathe out for 6 seconds.\n-reverse nostril breathing\u2014gently push down on one nostril. Breathing 3-5 cycles of deep breaths through the single open nostril. Then reverse and repeat while holding down the opposite nostril.\n- Imagine a soothing and calming color around you as a sort of protective bubble that keeps out other people\u2019s emotions or baggage. Say to yourself \u201cI let go of any stress I\u2019m carrying that does not belong to me.\u201d\n\nFocus on gratitude:\n- Sit down and write a list of all the things you are grateful for. Keep the list with you or on your phone or laptop so you can refer to it often when you\u2019re feeling stressed. Update it frequently \n-tie a gratitude practice into something you do everyday. For example everyday when you brush your teeth thank yourself for something you did the day before. It can be small...I didn\u2019t snap at my friend when he made a sarcastic comment yesterday...\n\nFocus on senses:\n- When you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, wear comfortable clothes and shoes, wear jewelry or accessories that make you feel good, wear cozy socks or a special scarf. Surround yourself with items that help you feel comfortable and soothed.\n-When you feel yourself getting agitated or irritable take some space. Go into a bathroom, run your hands under cold water, close your eyes and just focus on that sensation. Notice how the water feels on your hands, the temperature, can you imagine the taste or smell of it, can you hear it and it runs over your hands, do you see bubbles? Notice how the water moves\u2026\n-Go into another room and look for all the items in that room on the same color. These little distractions can help reset our mood.\n-try not to fight the anxiety. That will only make it much much worse. Let it be there. Accept it, be curious about it\u2026why is this coming up? What is my anxiety wanting me to pay attention to? What can I notice in how I\u2019m feeling\u2026. Just notice, no judgements!\n\nCarry a physical object with you:\n- Carry a small object that someone you really love gave to you. When you feel anxiety, grief, anger... building, hold this object in your hand and connect with how much love you have for that person and how much they love you. See yourself through this loved one\u2019s eyes and remind yourself of how strongly they care about you.\n- Wear an object that feels protective. Pretend it is magic and its superpower is to banish negativity from those around you. Hold it when you feel annoyed or overwhelmed and focus on the color of it, the texture of it\u2026and remind yourself it is there to protect you.\n-Progressive Muscle relaxation\u2014starting from your toes, working your way up your body slowly, tighten each muscle for 4 seconds, and then relax. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Make sure to do this with your jaw and scrunching eyes. We hold a surprising amount of tension here. As you\u2019re doing this think or say aloud \u201cI am preparing my body for calm and relaxing\u201d\n-listen for sounds and identify without judgment. This will give your brain a minor task to focus on to help is relax and not focus on anxiety. i.e. I hear a neighbor talking, car driving by, dog breathing...\n-keep a journal or notepad by your bed. If you find yourself stuck on to-do lists or trying to remember things, jot them down on the notepad. That way they are waiting for you tomorrow and you don\u2019t have to keep them in your head. Do a 5-10 min brain dump, and stream of consciousness-style, write down whatever is in your brain. It doesn\u2019t have to be full sentences or make sense. The goal is to empty your brain so it can fall asleep more easily \n-if you\u2019re struggling to fall asleep or be present in a moment because of the same thoughts or worries spiraling....imagine a container. Any kind of container, any color, and shape...use your imagination. Imagine what it would feel like if you touched it, what temperature would it be? How big? What\u2019s it made of? Then imagine yourself putting all your worries, fears, stressors in that container. Imagine yourself locking it and putting it aside in a \u2018safe space\u2019 in your mind. Knowing you can come back to those thoughts whenever you want, when you are more rested...", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef4atqx"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. I had to move home to my parent's house because I couldn't afford rent anymore. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder. He won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. Anything I can do?", "description": "Basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. Both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. I'm trying to leave when I can afford rent, but for now I'm here. And I need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. I am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. But, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" There is no arguing with a narcissist. So if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that I can take? I'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. No other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "Not sure if you are in the US. Is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? There may be legal action to look into; I'm just not entirely sure. Maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "f35xwqf"}, {"question": "Feel like I have cancer \ud83d\ude29", "description": "I found this collar bone lump like two days ago, it\u2019s been worrying me and I can\u2019t go to the doctors until 7th January, they\u2019re not available before that. Some people tell me it\u2019s normal bone anatomy but literally everything I search I don\u2019t find this bone. Look at this picture: https://ibb.co/jgfQ5N6 \nTell me it\u2019s normal bone \ud83d\ude29 it feels like bone, doesn\u2019t move and it\u2019s on my collarbone if not a part of it. I can\u2019t feel it on my other side, what if this is lymphoma?! Would lymphoma grow like that?!", "answer": "I noticed that you've made a lot of posts recently about various health concerns, as well as some symptoms of OCD-like fears when you were younger. It sounds like you could be dealing with health OCD, and are trying to get reassurance that there isn't anything wrong with you. The trap of health OCD is that no amount of reassurance can ever truly make us feel okay for long, because 1) nothing can ever give us 100% certainty that there isn't a problem, and 2) some new fear will always take its place. I linked a good article on health OCD (aka hypochondriasis) below, I'd recommend checking it out and seeing if it rings true to you. \n\n[http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it](http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it)", "topic": "HealthAnxiety", "post_id": "e8gvnu", "comment_id": "fac5btt"}, {"question": "I[18/M] started taking classes at a community college a couple of weeks ago, haven't hit it off with anyone. Any advice on starting a conversation and making friends in class.", "description": "I've been going through a lot lately. Ever since I graduated high school I've grown distant from a lot of my friends. I've been trying to take friends in class but I really don't even know how to start a conversation in class. On top of that there aren't many clubs so joining one is out of the question.\nI just don't know how to even start a conversation. I'd like to make friends in my history class for example but I don't know how to even begin a conversation. \"How about those Mesopotamians huh?\" That's just stupid.\nAlso, I have a math class and math tends to be a class I struggle with so I'd like to have a friend to study with, but it's been weeks and I haven't spoken a word to anyone in my class. Also, the class is small so everyone isolates themselves and I don't want to seem like a creep if I go up and sit next to them\nPlease give some advice to this pathetic sap\nAnyone else here been through a similar situation?", "answer": "chat with someone on a break and ask her out for  coffee if it goes well.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wnox7", "comment_id": "dm9icu3"}, {"question": "social anxiety and gaming", "description": "I'm sitting here playing this game and someone on my friends list sends me a party invite so of course I have to lie and say I don't have a mic to avoid actually talking. They say we can play together anyways, which is awesome because I never get to play games with people but then they tell me to join the party so at least they can talk to me. I just turned off my console in shame and I feel so stupid. Why can't I just be social? I want to be, I don't like to be lonely. I can't even imagine what they must thinking, me just leaving mid text convo. I'll have to play offline for weeks now out of pure embarrassment and to avoid them asking questions. Anxiety won today. Just venting. ", "answer": "That's a big jump and one you didn't control or set up. Follow Dr. Leo Marvin's sage advice. Stay in the yellow zone and break that shit down into 26 steps. Step 1. Get a headset with a removable mic. Also step 1 play a new MMO where you don't care about the community but they are nice, like Rocket League. GL", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "72nz5n", "comment_id": "dnk4b9s"}, {"question": "Is it safe to consume alcohol while on sertraline?", "description": "I (male, 15, 5 foot 10\u201d, 190lbs), have recently started taking sertraline for my OCD, and I was just wondering if consuming alcohol will affect the results of the drug? I don\u2019t drink often, or heavily. \n\nOn the NHS website it says that it\u2019s fine, but that you could get drunk more easily.", "answer": "The NHS is accurate here. Alcohol doesn\u2019t directly interact, but sertraline can be a bit of a sedative and alcohol and this be more sedating more quickly.\n\nDrinking carefully and in moderation is fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i7xwmt", "comment_id": "g14wrza"}, {"question": "Will getting put on medication change me?", "description": "I don't know how to word it better than that. \n\n​\n\nI fucking hate my life I wake up sad I try and sleep as long as possible before I have to get up and do stuff I ruined the only relationship I've ever cared about.\n\n​\n\nI had the best academic semester of college of my life. I'm making insane money for a college student working a serving job. I'm hitting my physical fitness goals and i'm still just empty and sad. So I think I have to get medication if I want to get better. I'm finally going to the doctor on Tuesday after fighting it for some large side of 3-4 years.\n\n​\n\nBut i'm scared. I'm not gonna lose my drive or something am I its not gonna make me some slack off in the gym or school or work will it? seems ridiculous but that scares me more than being perpetually sad.", "answer": "Medication isn\u2019t as scary as it sounds.  A lot of anti depressants act more to stabilize your mood and may help to give you more energy.  I\u2019ve been taking antidepressants since I was a child and they have helped me a lot.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "bq009k", "comment_id": "enzgvpo"}, {"question": "Was just prescribed cipro for kidney infection and worried about the crazy side effects.", "description": "I am a relatively healthy (27m, 180 lbs) white male that had a UTI advance to a kidney infection and was just prescribed Cipro. I have read up on it and it seems pretty dang scary. Permanently damaging tendonitis, neurological problems, detached retinas etc. I have pretty high health related anxiety. Just wanted some statistics to ease my mind or advice to stay away. Thanks! ", "answer": "You should worry more about an untreated kidney infection than the side effects from the antibiotic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "571qam", "comment_id": "d8p9n5z"}, {"question": "Colpocephaly?", "description": "Hello! I've recently been diagnosed with colpcephaly. My GP can't even pronounce it and I'm being taken to hospital to study for all of next week.\n\nThe only relatives I have that I can ask are either dead or demented beyond asking or not willing to talk about it (mother). I have no idea what I'm meant to do. I was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia but now after combing the limited info on the internet this makes so much more sense.\n\nI was born 8 weeks premature in 1985 with water in the brain. My parents were told to take photos and say goodbye. That's all I know ... And I've been mostly healthy until 18 months ago when I started having seizures, migranes and general motor issues. It's destroying my life. I can barely work and I can't do anything about disability cos the doctors can't agree what is wrong lol. \n\nSo if anyone knows anything I'd love to hear it! I do not have epilepsy. Beyond that who knows.", "answer": "If you're having recurrent seizures, what makes you say that it is not epilepsy?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jis28", "comment_id": "dz00pel"}, {"question": "[school]I'm at uni now, with 1 more year left to go. I feel completely burned out and have no idea what to do next.", "description": "I have posted something [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/42950u/advice_should_i_pursue_postgraduate_studies/) but did not get any response.\n\nBut let me begin from the start. I am currently in law school. It's an American style law in the sense that I'm not going to graduate with a JD, nor it is my second degree. Law in my country (Malaysia) is taught in first degree i.e. LLB. This course is four year long. But to be successfully admitted into this course, we need to attend a preparatory class for 1 year, pass that, and you land yourself in 1st year of LLB. As of now, I am in the 3rd year of the course, that means, I have spend 4 years in this Uni.\n\nAnd I think, I can't stand this lifestyle any more. It is so exhausting. I really don't see the point of studying here. We have a very Asian model of education, that means, very less interactive study, more mindless mugging of legal jargon, which only seems to increase as time goes by.\n\nI don't feel very positive about this. Heck, I don't feel like I'm even learning. This makes me think that perhaps I'm less fit to be pursuing a career as a lawyer. But there's still time to decide on that later.\n\nMy question now is that, 1) should I take a break in my studies, and take a year long break, and do something else? Have anyone done this before? How is your experience? 2) What should I do after my studies? What else can I do if I don't want to enter the legal field. What are other options available for me? Preferably, I would like to work in the creative industry. Can I still work there, considering, I don't have an arts / business / marketing background?\n\nThank you for taking time reading this, and do share below, if you an advice, or had similar experiences. ", "answer": "1) My concern would be that if you took a break, then decided to continue school, you would look back on the exhaustive work you did to get out and never gain the motivation to start that up again.  2)I am not sure what classes you have taken nor am I familiar if credits would carry into another degree outside of law.  That is something you have to look into.  \n\nThink about your future.  Imagine yourself as a lawyer.  Do you like the view you see?  Does it make you feel proud?  If so then perhaps continuing is not such a bad idea.  Do you not like the view? Does it not interest you?  Then find something that gives you that spark and follow it.  There is time to change your path.  There is always time so do not pressure yourself.  If it helps, when I was in graduate school to become a therapist, at times it felt as if it was dragging on and that I was not even learning anything.  Now, I'm surprised when knowledge comes to mind that I did not remember learning.  What I'm saying is, school can be a drag.  It should be a drag.  If it was easy then everyone would be lawyers!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "46info", "comment_id": "d05jxxd"}, {"question": "HIV test result accuracy 4years after exposure?", "description": "Sex\\- Male\n\nAge\\- 20\n\nWeight\\- 68kg\n\nOk so i had my one time unprotected sexual exposure roughly around 4 years ago. 3.5years after my exposure i did a Hiv Ag/Ab combo test which was thankfully negative. Since my exposure i have not had any sexual exposure. Then again last week i did another hiv test which was also thankfully negative \\(4years after exposure\\) and 10months after my first test.\n\nMy question and WORRY is that can i be safe and sure the test RESULTS was accurate? i am worried since i did the test like 4 years after exposure maybe it could have affected it, due to doing test 4 years later?? do hiv antibodies remain forever in an infected person? would anything affect the test results or should i not worry about it and why?\n\nThanks", "answer": "No test is 100%, but you\u2019ve been tested twice and HIV tests are designed to over- and not under-recognize infection. You are almost certainly in the clear.\n\nYou don\u2019t explicitly bring it up, but you imply that after a long time the test might not be as good. Since untreated HIV can only get worse, a test years later is only going to be more able to detect the virus if it\u2019s there.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i5qt8", "comment_id": "dypaepf"}, {"question": "I got poisoned! HELP! 22[M]", "description": " someone broke into my house and poisoned me, I know I have something under my skin because the person that did it told me so. What do I do to get it out of my system? Where do I go and what do I say? I know for sure I have something in me that keeps ruining my body but have no idea how to get it out. They said that I have tattoos under my skin that keep aging me also that drinking water is bad for me. I can feel my organs under stress and I'm also restless all the time, I can feel something like a heartburn sometimes, and I used to vomit in the morning occasionally but now I don't. I got poisoned twice, one time around a half a year ago and a second time around three weeks ago.\n\nI am 22 years old male 180 cm in height I have schizophrenia currently taking 15 mg olanzapine and have no other medical problems", "answer": "I think helpful advice has been given and this is turning into an argument instead. Closing the discussion.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ealjks", "comment_id": "favu82b"}, {"question": "How late is acceptable?", "description": "My appointment was at 10 and it\u2019s almost 10:40. First initial appointment. Is this normal?", "answer": "15 minutes max.  That's generally what clients I work with are told.  If they are more than 15 minutes late, I won't see them and they'll be charged the no show fee.  \n\n\nIf there's ever a time I'm more than 15 minutes late due to an emergency or something, they're given one get out of jail free card essentially where I won't charge them for running late.  Same things goes with cancelling within less than 24 hours.  If I ever have to do it to a client which is extremely rare, they get a pass the next time they do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bdvdjl", "comment_id": "el1seiq"}, {"question": "Where to start when searching for affordable therapists?", "description": "I am tired of living like this.  I've made the decisions to try and get professional help.  But, I'm not sure where to start when trying to find affordable therapists.  Do I go through my healthcare to find one?  Do I just start googling therapists around me?   Also, to those who do go to therapy, is it hard to find one that you are comfortable with?  Any help would be appreciated.  I feel like this is a huge step in my life, and want to get better.  Thank you.", "answer": "If you have health insurance, this will definitely be your cheapest option.  Start there.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3m55fb", "comment_id": "cvc935q"}, {"question": "Finally dealing with my mental illness.", "description": "Hey people! I'm a 20 year old female who suffered from the passing of my dad 4 years ago. Within that time I've gained over 45lbs and have been sucked into a deep pit of anxiety. Making a very long story short, I had a very eye opening talk with my mother, and she has finally gotten me to see a doctor about my mental health issues. I took to reddit hoping to get some advice on my visit to my new/first doctor tomorrow. Thanks for reading, hope to hear advice. :-) ", "answer": "Psychiatrist here. Advice is to be completely honest (about yourself and the doctor!), keep an open mind on treatment options, and (assuming that it's directly related to the bereavement) keep realistic about your expectations - it's about being in control over the loss rather than the loss controlling you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "577fgb", "comment_id": "d8qmgge"}, {"question": "Help making conversation", "description": "I'm a college student here and I just can't seem to keep a conversation going. I can easily walk up to someone, say hi, and start a conversation, but I have a hell of a lot of trouble keeping it going. I can never find common ground, and when I do, the topic runs dry fast. Any help?", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) should be right up your alley :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "16xpo7", "comment_id": "c80hrbo"}, {"question": "What is an anger disorder for an adult? I keep seeing oppositional Defiance disorder but it seems to relate around kids. Does it affect adults as well?", "description": "My dad has always had a very quick temper and yells and screams and makes a big deal out of nothing. I've been out of his house for 10 years but he still wants to remain in contact with me but he has not changed his attitude. Any other anger disorders that I can bring to his attention?", "answer": "There isnt really one as anger tends to be a symptom of something else. ODD is a pretty sketchy diagnosis at the best of times too. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "akzd1t", "comment_id": "efac3dd"}, {"question": "State Mental Health Budget Cuts", "description": "I work as a House Manager at a group home in Missouri which provides services to kids and young adults with a myriad of behavior issues and developmental disabilities. Budget cuts are hitting hard and will very soon be affecting the amount of staff we can have at any given time to support these clients. I need help, who can I contact and what can I do to make my voice and those that I work with/for heard?", "answer": "Contact anyone and everyone. Contact your mayor, governor, your state representatives, your US senators, and your US representative. And see if you can find any grants. In these times- searching high and low and being relentless and risking being annoying is your best bet.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gaacs", "comment_id": "caieawz"}, {"question": "Is it right to give positive reinforcement when someone says they haven't been self-harming?", "description": "I volunteer with a suicide/emotional support charity that receives emails. Each volunteer receives the next email that hasn't been answered rather than the person in need being assigned to any number of people. A person I volunteer with approached me about an email I sent in which I expressed that it is a good thing that the person in need has managed to stop themselves from self-harming. Their problem was that if I express that we find it positive that they are not self-harming, if they start to self-harm again they won't tell us because they think we will be disappointed. \n\nIs it wrong that, as a general rule, I have given positive reinforcement when people don't do negative behaviours like this? Would a therapist do the same?", "answer": "Positive reinforcement is about increasing a behavior.   It may be helpful to reinforce the coping skill , rather than focus on the absence of a behavior.  For example,  if someone didn't cut because they went for a walk,  journaled, or called a friend,  you could reinforce this behavior because this is what it sounds like you want to increase.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8v4y6", "comment_id": "fopsghd"}, {"question": "I Need Help with a Girl.", "description": "Hey guys this is my first time posting and a throw away account but I'll give this a try:) (sorry for length) \nA little background. Ok so I'm a 17 year old male in high school. I have only had 1 girlfriend and that was 8th grade. Withought being cocky or anything I feel I have to mention that I am one of the most popular people in my school and I've been told by many girls I'm by far the most attractive guy in my school (1,500 people in my Hs) but, I am an introvert. So I like to be alone a lot, I don't have any problem talking to girls but I just don't much. Anyway, I'm very odd in the fact that I can pretty much have any girl I want but I don't have any of them because I don't want them haha. Long story short, I now have the reputation of being very \"Hot\" but I'm not interested in girls, which atleast in my school is true. Until a certain lady moved to my school a few months ago and I can't get her off my mind. This is probably bad story telling so if people respond I'll clarify but really me question is what do I do? Literally every girl likes me, and I can feel stare at me a lot EXCEPT her, like the only girl I care about noticing me, I don't think she does. I'll make a move if I get a signal Bc she is talkin to someone right now and I don't want to mess that up for her for no reason. Anyway, I don't want to go in depth because I prolly won't get a response but if I do I will clarify I few things! Thanks guys:)", "answer": "Just ask her out like a human being would. Try not to over-awe her with your amazingness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694xoc", "comment_id": "dh3so55"}, {"question": "What to eat to lose weight with PCOS", "description": "I currently weigh 252, down from 283, but I still have ways to go. I was wondering what kind of things you guys eat to lose weight in a healthy way. I exercise about everyday as well.\nThanks!!!!", "answer": "Broccoli, Cauliflower and pretty much all vegetables\nBaked fish\nPork\nEggs in all forms (omelettes, hard boiled, scrambled)\nNuts in reasonable serving sizes\n1 serving of fruit a day (or 2 maximum); try to avoid watermelon / melons because it's just mostly sugar. \n\n\nI avoid: beef (in Chinese medicine this isn't good for people with PCOS), dairy, and rice, bread, pasta.\nFor some reason I also heard that mung beans aren't good for people with PCOS. \n\nI started taking inositol and drink ginger tea (again, another chinese medicine thing, but ginger tea is yummy either way). I'm considering increasing the amount of cinnamon I eat, but I need to investigate this more first.\n\n... Of course, I've only done this for about a week, so I don't know if it'll give me results yet, but this is what I'm trying. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3li5vf", "comment_id": "cv6knko"}, {"question": "What can I do with a political science degree(plz help)", "description": "# What can I do with a political science degree(plz help)\n\n***Good Day to everyone in this website, I need advice regarding what I can do with my degree***\n\nI'm a young college student with aspirations to eventually hold some sort of office in the future(Local/State). I know I can pursue law with a political science degree, But is there anything else I should be aware of? Sometimes a get anxious because I feel like if the law path doesn't work out for me, ill be stuck with a degree useless for the job market. in other words, I don't have a plan B. What should I do? should a minor in business administration? Any advice, criticisms ,etc is acceptable", "answer": "Pretty much every college has some sort of a career center. Go check it out and see if you can meet with an advisor or counselor about it! They can help you come up with different types of jobs, help you analyze what you're good at, and help you plan out what future steps you should take. There's a gazillion jobs out there that most people have never even heard of. \n\nRemember also - an academic major is not a conveyor belt directly into a certain kind of job. There's lots of careers out there that don't require a specific major, they just want to know that you can handle college-level thinking and work. I recommend checking out some job fairs early on in your college career just to see who's hiring and what's in demand.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d8936k", "comment_id": "f18jyzr"}, {"question": "Is it weird or creepy to bring up things that you remember about a person you're talking to?", "description": "There have been a few times when I'm talking to someone, and I mention something that they told me some time ago. I don't just bring it out of the blue, but for example, if we're talking about college, I'll say something like \"You want to major in mechanical engineering, right?\" Sometimes they appreciate me remembering but other times I get a weird look and a quick \"yeah.\" \n\nJust recently I was texting a girl. About 2 days before she posted on her Snapchat story that she was on a road trip. She had gotten back when I was texting her, so I asked her how her trip was, but I got no reply. Was it weird to ask that?\n", "answer": "I think it's a great thing! It shows you've been paying attention and care enough about the person to commit a detail about them to memory. \n\nHowever, especially with younger people, social media transcending into real life can feel a little awkward. Like, people spend so much time on social media and love people to acknowledge their posts and things, but I don't know if I've ever heard someone take something that has happened on social media and then begin a conversation about it in person. I'm not saying it's wrong inherently, but society as a whole is still figuring out how to navigate their online and real lives, so it could be a slight faux pas. One way to make the transition a little easier might be to phrase your comment like \"hey I saw on (whatever social media) that you did such and such, how was it?\" \n\nBut to answer your question, I don't think you did anything wrong and if she decided from that one single interaction that she didn't like you anymore, than that's petty as fuck. If she had in fact lost interest, it was due to a combination of things over time or maybe she was never that interested in the first place. If someone I liked asked me about something I posted on social media, I would love it - faux pas or not. \n\nDon't stress about it too much, you're overthinking! \n\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6p8mbo", "comment_id": "dknz7p2"}, {"question": "Alcoholism in males vs in females", "description": "I hope this isn't the wrong sub. It's not a question about symptoms I have, but it is the kind of question I think would best be answered by a doctor. I don't see any rules regarding this and there aren't any other subs that seem to suit the question better.\n\nSo, from what I've read online, men are twice as likely to become alcohol-dependent as women. I'm assuming this fact is based on stats of alcoholics who have sought help, or else we wouldn't know about them.\n\nWhen I look at my friends, acquaintances, people I came into contact with at college, and people I see online on social media, though, it seems like there are a lot more females who are really, really into alcohol than males. They don't talk about it like they think it's so bad, but listening to what they say, it's obvious they have some issues with drinking. I'm not sure I know any men who are heavy drinkers, whereas more than half of the women I know drink very heavily. I know these observations are anything but scientific and can be influenced by a plethora factors, but I figure every study must start somewhere.\n\nCould it be as I have observed? Could there be more alcoholism in females, with underreported cases, perhaps due to personality or social norms? Or could it be, again because of factors such as personality or social norms, that women are more likely to be open about their drinking habits? Or am I just ridiculously biased?\n\nI'd also be interested in knowing whether there are any physiological factors that result in differences between how men and women handle alcohol or become alcohol-dependent, which may or may not even shed light on the subject I brought up.\n\nThanks so much, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub for this sort of thing!", "answer": "Your observations are sound (though as you say, not scientific). Men tend to be higher risk, but theres a latent group of female alcoholics that are just not accessing addiction services.\n\nAlcohol prevalence differs from country to country, dependent on legality and culture, as well as genetic predisposition (ethnicity, familt history). The price of alcohol also has a significant bearing on rates. In Scotland, we suffer some of the highest rates of alcoholism in Europe, compounded by cheap alcohol. Minimum unit pricing will help with this.\n\nMen and women are affected differently, primarily because of the differences in body fat/fluid proportions, amongst other things.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51ddj5", "comment_id": "d7bd315"}, {"question": "[23/F] Husband [24/M] talking to girls and lying about it.", "description": "I'm [23/F], I recently caught my husband [24/M] sending texts and calling girls - no problem. Problem is he is going to great lengths to delete each text and call from the log (not deleting to save space - leaving old texts from months ago on there, immediately deleting texts from these girls). \n\nMy question is, is there ever a reason you would do this that doesn't mean I'm being cheated on? I directly asked him if he was doing it before ever checking his phone, and he denied it. I checked his phone only as final evidence, and caught him. I already caught him in that lie. How can I trust him that nothing is going on, if I know he directly lied to my face about that?\n\nMen of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\n**tl;dr: husband sending texts and calling girls, deleting logs and texts, asked him about it, he lied.**", "answer": "> Men of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\nYep.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "yfpqj", "comment_id": "c5v4ma4"}, {"question": "Perfusionist?", "description": "So I've looked around and found the perfusionist career but I'm wondering how long it takes to become a perfusionist? Does it take 4 years of undergrad then 4 years of the perfusionist program or what?", "answer": "[Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfusionist) seems to give a reasonable account of what's expected to become a perfusionist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "53azrg", "comment_id": "d7rm285"}, {"question": "I'm in art school.", "description": "I suffer with depression and apparently so does everyone here. So I'm told. But why is it so hard for me to notice that? They're just so good at faking it? Bottling it up during school? Why is my depression spilling to the surface and onto my facial expressions? Why is it affecting what I say and how I say it? Why can't I fake it? I unload all my negativity out on everything.\n\nIt almost feels like a competition now, that they're better at being depressed than me. \n\nI'm also told that it will last forever and I should just learn to live with it. And sometimes I'm convinced that's true and start thinking that without depression, I won't be able to do art. \n\nSometimes I have periods of remission where I start to eat well, begin to exercise and wake up early. I know if I stuck to it maybe I'd feel better. It does help. But it only lasts a few days until my next trigger of bad emotions. Whether it's a fight with my husband or an emotional breakdown due to anxiety. After that I just feel numb, like right now. And contemplate suicide. All while I think what a joke I am compared to every other depressed person at my school. It's just a never ending cycle that can't break. I'm so exhausted. \n", "answer": "One of the biggest fallacies that so many young artists of all mediums seem to have is that mental illness is needed for creativity or artistic talent.  There are plenty of famous artists that had severe mental illness, this is true.  There are also plenty that didn't have any substantial mental illness.  The ones with were not talented because they had mental illness.  They were talented in spite of it.  \n\nSevere depression doesn't always last forever.  For those that have a severe chemical imbalance (which is not the majority of those who do experience depression) they will have to learn to cope and will likely need medication consistently if they want to avoid serious bouts in the future.  For most people that experience depression, they can overcome it through therapy and life-style changes.  \n\nThe hardest part about being a therapist is not the actual work that we do with clients or having to learn and maintain all we know about psychology.  The hardest part is day in and day out being around hurting people.  That is why from the beginning of our training we learn the overall importance of self-care and how to separate ourselves from overly negative environments, at least to be able to come up for air occasionally.  Make sure you find a way to do that with your school and find a way to spend a good amount of time around happy and healthy people as well.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "731ce0", "comment_id": "dnmwouz"}, {"question": "Starting the new year off by taking antidepressants for the first time!", "description": "Hey y\u2019all, I (24F) am starting Wellbutrin/Bupropion. Does anyone have any words of advice? The pharmacist said with or without food, do you recommend taking with a meal? I\u2019m starting on 150XR. Thanks in advance! Happy 2020!", "answer": "Sounds like a good way to start off the new year. Here's some things to keep in mind:\n\n1. Start off taking it with meals to see if you can tolerate okay (one common side effect is nausea). It also helps you get into a dosing schedule, which is super important. Breakfast time is usually best especially when starting a new medication (so you aren't having major side effects after a dose before bed). Remember, consistency is key with dosing medications: you want to try and take it around the same time every day. \n\n2. Be mindful of side effects. You can look them up or ask your pharmacist for a sheet. Common ones for Wellbutrin are nausea and loss of appetite. There are some more uncommon ones like headaches and dizziness. Until you have a general idea how it affects you be mindful of your activities\n\n3. Antidepressants can cause a short term introduction or increase in suicidal ideation. It is temporary but can suck. Keep your doctor and other professionals in the loop if this occurs for you.\n\n4. Antidepressants help take the edge off your symptoms but do not necessarily eliminate them. Pairing medication use with other interventions like therapy, exercise, healthier diet, and social interaction will maximize the impacts of the medication. It also helps you remain less reliant on it for relief. Don't forget good sleep hygiene too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiiyd9", "comment_id": "fcqpy7u"}, {"question": "A giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. I just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) I hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. Fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "Agreed- I've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom.  It's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\"  \n  \nAll the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\"   - Thanks guys, I'm sure you know the situation better than I do.  \n  \nEdit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on?  These comments are HORRENDOUS.  But at least I can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "cctaahu"}, {"question": "SO is suffering a mental illness", "description": "Just a heads up, I am going to talk about how I didn't think depression was real.\n\n\n\n\n**Backstory:**\nHi. I recently found out that my fiance is suffering from a depression. I didn't think depression existed because it was never in my life. I always thought people could just not be sad. And whenever I heard someone talk about depression the symptoms just sounded like regular emotions that everyone experienced and I thought they just needed to \"Get Over It\". I know that's terrible and I am so sorry I ever thought that. But I was an ignorant kid.\n\n\nBut now depression has entered my life through my SO. I still don't understand it. She explains how she feels emotions like shame and guilt constantly and struggles to find meaning in life. She used to be able to hide it from me. For years she would break down out of sight, like \"go for a walk\" and come back a few hours later. I know she was anorexic growing up so I thought long walks were just a habit she developed as a kid and that she just liked walking now. (She is a healthy weight now, she was upfront about anorexia so I could keep an eye out with her for relapse)\n\n\n**Whats Happening Now:**\n\nShe has started an anti-depressants and therapy. She seems to enjoy and look forward to therapy. But she is feeling ashamed of needing drugs. Her mood seems to have increased but it's only been a couple months so I don't know if it's progress or if she is just having a good few months and will crash later.\n\nWe recently had a conversation where she explained her feelings. It was a lot of guilt and shame. She is also convinced that she is abusive to me, when she absolutely is not.\n\nShe is a great person but is convinced she isn't. She has an amazing job, we have a nice place, we aren't \"rich\" but we don't have money troubles, and she has lots of friends/family that love her. \n\nI'm so confused. I don't understand depression at all. The feelings she is having seem to be coming from no where. \n\n**Why I'm Here:**\n\nI really just wanted to write all of this down to kind of wrap my head around how I feel about this. I started just writing it in notepad and realized that if I was going that far I might as well post it to see if anyone had any advice or had been in a similar situation and could explain what is going on.\n\nSo if anyone can shed any light on what I can do to help, or even just not make it worse. That would be greatly appreciated. \n\nThanks for reading and giving me a place to share.\n\nEdit: I'm in the USA.", "answer": "This is a really well thought out post.  I'm sorry your SO is going through all of this.  Depression really sucks and as you now can see IS much different from generally feeling sad.  \n\nThe decision to enter therapy and even to take meds is an incredibly courageous one.  There's still such a ridiculous stigma surrounding mental health in our country that to say \"Ya know what.  I don't care about that.  I'm going to do what I need to help myself.\" takes a lot of strength.  \n\nAs her SO, keep this in mind always.  You can help her, but there's nothing you can do to \"fix\" her.  She is responsible for her own recovery and is also responsible for the actions she takes that may be influenced by her illness.  \n\nWhat you can be is loving, supportive, motivating, without being a push-over or enabler.  \n\nI hope this helps some and good luck to you and your SO!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xt919", "comment_id": "dub27ua"}, {"question": "dressing as a goth - do therapists hate it?", "description": "do they pick and choose whom to come down on for this? because some hate \"cute smiles\" or some such?", "answer": "Why would someone who has never met or even seen you have an \u201cinnate grudge\u201d. Against what?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f15m7u", "comment_id": "fh96m9z"}, {"question": "Doeth ADHD cause you to need more sleep ?", "description": "Just read an article on REM and NREM sleep, so they both sort experiences during the day that you did, so it sorts away stuff that is not necessary, and sorts in stuff that is necessary, considering that ADHD makes you take in more stuff, whetever you  want it or not, unfiltered experiences, wouldn't that mean you'd need more sleeep? \n\nSorry if stupid question.", "answer": "I get way more sleep than normal when unmedicated. I can flat out sleep for 12 hours every single night. \n\nI put it down to coping though. My brain learnt that when I am overwhelmed sleeping is a good way to kind of reset. So when I am unmedicated I'm always overwhelmed and I sleep lots.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "dwna36", "comment_id": "f7kqmzp"}, {"question": "6 Months of Sobriety - Starting my life over again @ 31 years old", "description": "I am a 31 year old male living in the okanagan and want to share my story, the good, bad and gruesome. This account is a throw-away for obvious reasons as i  am going to share something extremely personal and something i had hoped would never come to light, Hopefully this will help someone stay sober as the  results of extreme binge drinking will become evident here. I am using a VPN and TOR to upload these pictures to protect my future from my past. \n\n   \n\n\nNever imagined it would be possible for me to get to 6 months of sobriety, i had resigned to being an alcoholic and thought if i could just drink myself to  death i would not have to deal with any of the repercussions. I worked up in northeastern BC on the Alberta boarder my entire life, the oil boom made sure i  was never wanting for work. Three years ago my drinking was out of control but i could function, i ended up getting a 3rd DUI after sitting in my car in the  parking lot of a bar laying out rails of cocaine, i wasn't done drinking but i knew i would get cut off soon if i didn't have some resemblence of a human  being. I drove a old peice of shit car miled out and never maintained, it was unreliable. I had a \"jump\" battery pack i used in place of the actual battery  as the alternator failed to produce enough power to keep the vehicle charged, or i had a drain. I had chalked up two lines on my center console before a  undercover pulled infront of me and lit up. i quickly brushed the cocaine onto the floor and threw the baggies i had in the passanger footwell (it was a  rolling garbage can, shit all over) i got picked up with \"Due care and control\" of being in a running vehicle.\n\n   \n After this i couldn't make it to work anymore  and conseqently lost my job, seeing as cocaine was so cheap and i was a responsible adult i had virtually no money left. This halted my drinking but i  started to get chest pains so i went to the doctor and was advised to cut back on the drink then quit. what he said scared me enough it worked, for 113 days  i was sober. During that short stint i got a job, was praised for my work ethic and made real progress. I worked at a BCHydro Substation for three months,  subcontracted out as a equipment operator.\n\nI met a old oldboy welder named Norm F. who i still think to this day was sent by my higher power, his hands  we're gnarled and unlike anything i had ever seen, he said he welded for years without gloves. We got to talking and got on the subject of sobriety, he told  me his story of being an alcoholic, losing his wife and kids with his fasination for the bottom of a Royal Reserve whiskey bottle. In the short amount of  time i had known him i found him to be genuine and kind almost to a fault. He was an AA Sponcer and suggested i go to a meeting or two, i agreed but secretly  thought i had it under control thus i never followed through. \n\nHe had convinced me to go back to school and pick up a trade, natually i went with welding as i  enjoy building things. During school my life was going so well and it held so much promise that i figured it would not hurt to reward myself after my first  week with a 6 pack, as you can guess over the following 7 months of school it became routine again. I ended up completeing my course with an average test  score of 93%, would of been higher if some of the questions were not wrong. After school i got a job at a Welding/Fab shop in my town, 90% of welding is  fabrication and fit, not something they teach you in school so the learning curve was massive. I started at 18$ an hour (average starting wage for around  here) and was promised a 2$ raise in a few months, i worked with a short,insecure and aggresive shop forman who would shittalk the employees to the boss on a  regular basis.\n\n   \nI found this to be routine and ignored it as common workplace practice for him. Over the following 10 months of working there i had my welding  machines fucked with and my fabrication jobs very vague in detail. Small mistakes became end of the world scenario's, by this time i was drinking everyday  after work, 12 beers of strong beer or more. Would come in the morning and reek like booze but never noticed, my jobs started to entitle less  welding/fabrication and more gathering and cutting material, cleaning and the like. My raise was continiously put off for months on end. \n\n   \nOne day me and  another student from my class who was working there went out to a shut down rig with the owner of the welding company to do some welding. Soon as we got there i was  told by the owner \"You are not getting a raise yet\", oblivious to the reasoning and again rather than welding i was brought to do 90% of the prep work for  the other employee. I had left a tool in the snow and got chewed out by the boss for this,  how other people would get fired for this at other shops etc, during the ass chewing and jerks back, rails me in the face with his fist and falls flat on his ass. He appologies profusely, he slipped on a rig mat under the snow (metal with snow =  slippery). So needless to say i had a very shitty day, went home and drank till i blacked out, called in to work saying i was \"Sick\" and was told not to come  back, he will call when i can come back. After a week or so of drinking everyday till i blacked out i had twisted the story into a full out assualt in my  mind and he was the enemy and it was law (i dont know about this) that you had to give a raise after 6 months.   \n   \nI got a phonecall and came in, a new guy had  started and i just ended it right then and there. Said i quit, he was pleased and quickly wrote my hours down in my log book and stamped it. During this time  my car had completely ceased to work and had cracked something to the point oil was on the headers. I had no way to get to work even if i had work, thank god  i lived 5 blocks from the liquor store, i floated on what i had left and drank for a solid 3-4 months before i went looking for work. First place i went to  was another welding/fab shop and was hired right off the bat no need to check references. (oil boom, yay!)   \n\n\nI was tested out in the fab shop with yet another,  small bitter angry old man with the same name as my last shop forman, this guy was a raging alcoholic. He rode me trying to belittle me as much as possible  as not to \"Outshine him\" i guess, he lacked any welding tickets. After a few altercations he gave me space and respect, from there i was given more responsibility and outside service for the first time. Learning curve was steep, i had rig tool pushes (rig formans) yelling at me constantly because i was  charged out at 140$ an hour. this created a very stressful environment and consequently more alcohol, i was always on call for this job since rigs run 24  hours a day. I would get calls from my boss (who was a great guy to work for) but be too shitfaced to pick up and do what i know he was calling me to do.   \n\n\nThis went on for about 4-5 months before my drinking became all consuming, i was always sick...  i feigned of all things stomach cancer. And got him to lay me off, i got my  Welfare/EI cheques and started drinking constantly. for almost 8 months I drank till i blacked out, and passed out on my mattress in my shitty trailer with  my shitty life. grief, remorse and failure consumed me and made me isolate avoiding family and being visibly angry at the presence of anyone i never expected. My shitbox trailer became a shameful sanctuary away from the hateful world which i refused to participate in, it was falling apart around me and i never gave a shit because it didn't matter. i had a 60oz bottle of vodka in the freezer and Maceroni and Cheese, it was a good day today and thats how i  lived, tunnel vision.   \n\n\nDuring my 8 months of drinking i had burned through all the employment insurance time i was allotted and stopped paying bills (like land  tax/home insurance/Medical/Pad Rent/Morgage, i paid for internet, electricity and utilities) it came to the point that i had to pay or get evicted. My father  came in and co-signed in the morgage and linked our accounts. my main account was overdrafted $-1200.00 at this point and i had bills to pay. at first i put my  fathers account into overdraft just enough to cover the pad rent/morgage while i looked for work, i talked myself into needing a few drinks to loosen up  before calling about a job. I started again, and decided to drink myself to death and during this time i had maxxed out my fathers account. He only noticed when the bank called him about a $-2,974.00 overdraft on his account.   \n\n\nThis was just in the beginning of december last year, i was confronted about the massive overdraft and the results we're  admitting i had a drinking problem and to seek help. i tried stopping but got sick, i tried cutting back but it didn't work anymore i couldn't control myself, a week later i was asked if i wanted to ride with my father and go 1100km south to have christmas with my mother. i was reluctant at first knowing it  would be very tough but i figured maybe i could stop for two weeks and then tough it out again when i get back and get it \"under control\" I agreed.   \n\n\nDecember 18th the day before we leave i figured this was going to be it, so i will drink all i have left and then sleep 90% of the way there. I drank a 40oz bottle of alberta pure vodka and  blacked out early afternoon, in the morning my father pulled up in his white dodge and knocked on my door. I wake up angry because i am confused, i see him and remember. He doesn't say a word after looking at me through the window of the door, and walks back to his truck. I do my morning blitz/routine and put on my shoes to follow, i get in the truck and pass out again thinking 20 seconds of mouthwash (that i swallowed) would mask any evidence of last nights activity.  \n\n\ni brought no clothes  or presents with me because it never even occured to me through the haze. My father said nothing about it and we left with me sleeping in the passenger seat,  I had no idea at the time that this was actually a rescue mission. i woke up about 5-6 hours later half way there and realised my mistake, but never said  anything. my old man just happened to turn off the highway to get a coffee shortly after i woke up.    \n\n\nWe arrived at my mothers and was greeted with outstreched  arms, the first few days i got sick then better. we talked about my drinking problem and i laid out my plan which would have NEVER worked, she asked me to stay 1 month and go to a rehab program. i balked at the idea internally, i figured i just needed a 2 week break to get ontop of it. I was planning on turning it down and going back up north with my old man when he returned.    \n\n\nThen i got a call from a very close family friend around my age, he got addicted to  fentynal (opiate) and was doing a 9 month rehab program that he was 2 months into. I had seen him shortly before when he was in the hospital for a 2nd  attempt at taking his own life. A husk of a human, broken and dead, but over the phone i could physically feel his relief and enthusiasm it was like he was  sending positive energy through the phone and it changed how i was feeling. We talked for some time and he convinced me to stay and accept effectively saving my life. i went through rehab down here, went to AA meetings and was blown away with the kindness and understanding of these perfect strangers, I could see  myself in everyone's story.   \n\n\nI stayed down here for 3 months before i headed back up north, but this time it was to gather my belongings and clean out my  trailer for sale. When i got within 100km of my old home town i felt the old familiar weight, when i got back to my trailer and [saw how i was living it was  a mindfuck.](http://imgur.com/a/pV9JB) How could i feel this is all i deserved? How was i ok with this? I started cleaning everything out, 3-4 truckloads of  shit hauled away before i had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I could not handle looking back on my previous life, i could not disassociate it  with myself and i couldn't understand how i never saw it or chose to ignore it.    \n\n\nI have been down here for 187 days now and i have got back my life back, i  have sent out dozens of resumes however with no references for obvious reasons, i only got one call back for a fabricator position and i had a trial period in which i was never welding nor fabricating, just monkey/labour work. Never got a call back, so i guess they got two days of free labour. I just returned from my old  home town after signing the papers to put it up for sale however the oil slump will effectively leave me with nothing, but good riddance. My Life is on the  up and up, i am looking forward to finding work and earning enough to start a small one person business in the not-so-distant future. I have hope now,  something which i forgot about and to live life without it again is unthinkable to me.   \n\n\nI know there is going to be someone out there that will see this and  think only about the differences between us, but i ask that you stop and count the differences and the similarities. Which had the bigger number? you might never go down as fast as i did but make no mistake, we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful.\n\n\nTL:DR Lost job #1 Got sober, went to school got a trade, started drinking again, spiraled out of control, lost job #2. lost job #3. Drank Harder, stole from family. Drank more. Went to mothers for the holidays. Got a new life for christmas. ", "answer": "The seriousness of addiction cannot be overstated. It is life or death. For as long as you live the most important thing that you do will be to decide to not drink today. For someone with alcoholism marihuana is just as dangerous because it can lower your defense against the first drink. Similarly anything that could possibly lead to drinking must be conferenced with trusted advisors. Overtime if you develop a commonsensical way of life you will go days and weeks without thinking of drinking. Developing friendships with other sober alcoholics in AA and helping others get sober will give you insight into what you have gained by not drinking.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3b1lsf", "comment_id": "csi55ag"}, {"question": "My gf's family are not exchanging with each other because they don't have alot of money. Should I get them a gift?", "description": "I am questioning getting my gf's family gifts because they are not exchanging with each other due to money issues .If I give them gifts I won't expect anything in return. However, I'm afraid I could potentially put them in a position where they feel obligated to get me something even when they can't. I know I will say don't worry about getting me something but I'm afraid they could still be sad from being unable to return the favor. In this case, is it better not to get anything at all?", "answer": "I think you want something more like a traditional \"hostess gift\" instead of a real present. Dessert or other food, alcohol (wine etc) if you are old enough, perhaps a card. Or flowers, like a simple centerpiece type arrangement, could also be nice.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5i4z9r", "comment_id": "db5h9oj"}, {"question": "To all the college kids", "description": "Hi, fellow college kid here. It's really weird right now. College is hard enough, but now a lot of us are having to switch to online classes. \n\nDON'T LET THIS THROW OFF YOUR SEMESTER. \n\nGet out of bed, off your couch. Go take a shower, I promise you will feel better. We can still make it through this semester with intact GPAs, healthy mental states, and solid support systems. We've got this. \n\nIf you are struggling to adjust, please please email your professors. They will understand, they're going through the same thing right now too.", "answer": "Gosh I'm glad I finished in January. I would have S-T-RUGGLED.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "fl19za", "comment_id": "fkwvsv1"}, {"question": "[30/m] Need advice about my living situation and taking care of elderly grandmother. Please advise!", "description": "Hey r/relationship_advice ,\n\nSo this may be outside the realm of most romantic relationships that get posted here, but I don't really know where to post this and I would like some advice.\n\nQuick story: Last year I lived out of state with my gf and I. We broke up, and I lost about everything except the clothes on my back. My grandparents (who raised me and are like my mom and dad) said they would be happy for me to come back and stay with them for around 6-7 months while I rebuild my life.\n\nI did, and I saw that they could BARELY take care of themselves, their 100+ year old house, and their finances. I'm glad I came back to them. Problem is about 3 months after I return my grandfather passes away. Now my grandmother (besides myself) is totally alone. She doesn't have friends and the rest of my family don't really speak to her that much or come around at all. \n\nSo, it's been about 8 months now since my grandfather's passing. I am by far more then ready to move out, but I keep staying because I really don't think she should be alone. I'm really wanting to live my own life, but not sure what I should do? She is a hoarder, her house is falling apart, and just a month ago or so I took a day off work sick (flu). I'm lucky I did, because she was in a diabetic coma and had to be taken to the hospital because she wasn't watching her sugar. I have no doubt she would have died had I not taken that day off work...\n\nI do mind living with her because she can be very cruel and abrasive. Last night (NYE) a woman I had been seeing for a few weeks and I split, because she couldn't be with someone who was 30 and lived with his grandmother. I tried to explain, but she didn't understand that I am here because I feel like I have to be ,not because I want to be.\n\nSo please advise. I can't really afford to put her in a home, and I DON'T want to anyways, but I cannot live with her either. I'm not sure what to do..", "answer": "call the visiting nurse association. they'll get involved and coach you from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5li8dw", "comment_id": "dbvyt0e"}, {"question": "5 and a half years sober and I'm miserable", "description": "I was one of those guys who was head over heels in love with the program. I went from a heroin junkie who had been in and out of jail and prison for 10 years, to a homeowner and addiction counselor, and my life just seemed amazing. I became a person I really liked and got married and had a little girl.  A couple years ago my marriage fell apart due to my mother-in-law committing suicide. My ex just lost it. Sadly, after 8 months of trying to fix the marriage, I was through with being lied to and cheated on. We got divorced and my ex relapsed.  She ended up abusing and neglecting my daughter several times pretty severely. Luckily I documented everything and was able to get full custody of our daughter.  My ex lives in another state now and has a new baby with her new boyfriend, and they both actively drink and use. Thankfully, my little girl is doing extremely well after several months of therapy - almost like nothing happened.  She is very smart and I get amazing reports from her teachers.  I am back in school full-time trying to get my Master's so I can provide the life I want for us.\nAfter I became a single parent, my life changed drastically. Friendships fizzled out and eventually died, my social life is non-existent (obviously), and my meeting attendance and program involvement has stopped totally. I still keep in touch with people I care about from meetings but it's fairly superficial.  Every night she goes to bed around 7:30 and I clean the house and make her lunch for the next day and eat my dinner. And then the loneliness sets in. There's a woman I've been seeing for about a month who I care about immensely, and our relationship is great, but the times when I'm alone are so hard.  I find myself choking up and wanting to cry for no reason, or breaking down in tears at vaguely sad Facebook videos.  I feel very alone. I used to feel like I had dozens of people I could talk to, but now I feel like there's no one.  My group of close friends has been steadily drifting apart since one of our group relapsed and killed himself last year, and we don't talk much anymore. I don't feel like I can speak to my family about my feelings because I don't want them to worry about me relapsing. I have a lot on my shoulders and I just feel so isolated. I have told the woman I'm dating about a lot of this, but I don't want to constantly just emotionally dump on her because I have no one else.  It's a shitty feeling. After the extremely messy divorce, there was an adjustment period where I had to figure out how to do life as a single parent of a young child. It's possible that I just became very action-oriented at that point to avoid processing the pain of what had happened. And maybe now that things are smoother, the feelings are coming out. I don't know. I just know that I'm tired of feeling so sad all the time. ", "answer": "You sound overwhelmed and stressed, and like you might still be grieving the loss of your past life and relationship. You have taken on a lot being in school full time and parenting full time. You say your daughter went to therapy but have you considered getting some therapy yourself? It sounds like you might be struggling with some depression, and are feeling isolated right now. It's ok to reach out for another kind of help. 12 step is great but it's not the solution for everything. Also, what about a little fun and relaxation for yourself? It's important to have some down time to help you recharge for everything else you have to do.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "96d8li", "comment_id": "e3zxkri"}, {"question": "I don't think I'm gonna live past 20", "description": "Age: 17\n\nSex: female\n\nHeight: 172 cm\n\nWeight: 74 kg\n\nRace: caucasian\n\nMedical issues: asthma, polycystic ovary syndrome, problems with kidneys (I've been hospitalized because of kidney failure), neuralgia, stomach ulcer, arthritis and anemia.\n\nI've been diagnosed with these diseases throghout my childhood and early teen years. My medical conditions are getting worse and I'm too scared to go to the doctor. I lie to my parents about my issues so that they don't force me to go.\n\nI have an unhealthy lifestyle - I starve myself most of the time and when I rarely eat, it's mostly unhealthy foods. I smoke around 3 packs of cigarettes a day and I've been trying to smoke less recently. I drink hard alcohol from time to time and use drugs (xanax, weed, amphetamines). I drink 2 cans of energy drinks and 2-3 coffees every day as well. I know that I'm doing damage to my body with my lifestyle but I just can't stop. How much do I have to live?  \n", "answer": "This is not an answerable question, especially without knowing what the problem with your kidneys is. \n\nUnhealthy lifestyle like eating poorly and smoking heavily can shorten your life significantly, but they would still usually kill you in middle age. Drugs can kill in all kinds of different ways and at different times. Barring an overdose you'll probably live to 20 because that's what being young does, but talking to a doctor and/or a therapist about what's going on and trying to work on changing how your living could be helpful, both for living longer and healthier and for feeling better about the life you're living.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd4mv", "comment_id": "eeuhxdq"}, {"question": "Paxil or Wellbutrin?", "description": "Hey everyone :) \nSo it's been a long time coming but today I finally gave in and decided to go on medication for anxiety and depression.\nThe doctor basically let me choose which medication to go on and she gave me some options. Both of my parents are on Paxil so I figured that would be a safe option to choose, so I opted for that! \nWhen I got home, I did some more research and really like the effects that Wellbutrin have.\nSo, my question is, should I call my doctor and have them switch me over to wellbutrin since I have not begun Paxil yet? \nCurious to hear peoples opinion!", "answer": "What are the benefits you\u2019re intrigued by with Wellbutrin? Have you looked at the potential side effects of both meds?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgovi7", "comment_id": "fk6mehe"}, {"question": "[Help] my friend is hearing voices in his head? What should I do?", "description": "I don't know where to post this, but I'm so worried for my fried. Yesterday he came to me and told me that 3 guys were spying on him for over a month.\n\nI know the 3 person he is talking about, one of them called me and is terrified because my friend went over to his house and was really angry and told him to stop spying on him. The guy was so shocked and had no words, he had nothing to do with this.\n\nYesterday me and two friends went over to see if there was anything. He was constantly hearing voices and we heard nothing. He was quoting what the \"spys\" were saying. And we were shocked because it  was 11 am 1 of January and nobody was outside.\n\nHe got really angry and tought we were screwing around with him. \n\nHe said he heard them having a conversation that his uncle had hired them to spy on him to see if he was taking some drugs, because he had been a little bit lazy at work lately.  His family has a building construction company wich he works for.\n\nHe used to smoke some weed, but the last month he has been clean and really weird. He has been alot alone. He said that he knows how it sounds like, and was afraid to tell us because we might think he is crazy. I believed everything he said until I went over and saw nobody and heard nothing, and he was hearing sounds and checking around.\n\nFor the moment he trust nobody and even think his mother, brother and father are spying on him. We don't know how to approach the situation, because if he finds out we don't belive him, he will shut us completely out of his life and go mental", "answer": "How old is he? Where is he based?\n\nAre you sure he's not using any drugs at all (even the newer synthetic stuff)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lngsl", "comment_id": "dbx9ha2"}, {"question": "Paranormal activity, or withdrawal symptom?", "description": "On Novemeber 2013 I decided to stop using chemical substances after 6 years of heavy usage. I had a big fight with my ex husband because I wanted to stop, but he didn't want it. So, I was laying in bed after 4 days of not drinking, smoking or sniffing. I was really anxious, and couldn't sleep during those 4 days. My ex was completely wasted, and sleeping right next to me. However, I had this terrible insomnia and was not able to sleep, then the creepy show started. I began to listen pigs howling pretty aloud in my head, I covered my ears and the sound was actually more terrifying. There was a huge window in fron of me, and then I saw this shadowy presence rising from the ground up to the roof. It had a human shape, but I can't tell what really was it. Suddenly, this \"thing\" came to my chest and grabbed my neck. I levitated on my bed really quick, and hit the bed strongly. It felt like there was no air in the room. Like if my soul was getting out of my body. I began to yell and my ex woke up, I was moving like in one of those exorcist's movies, where you sit and lay back down many times. I was really scared asking for help, saying: \"Please don't let him take me!! My ex woke up really scared, and surrounded me with his arms. Then I felt like if something was leaving my body. I couldn't sleep that night. Next day I woke up with a facial paralysis (fortunately there are is no physical trace in my face), so I went to the hospital. They kept me hospitalized during 4 days, they also found the evidence of a previous heart attack due to overdose. After that day, the only way for me to fall asleep was taking Valiums. I kept the feeling of this thing coming to my chest, and grabbing my soul during 2 months. Even though I was taking pills, everytime that I closed my eyes I had the same sensation. I was afraid of closing my eyes. It was hell....three months after, I broke up with my husband. My family sent me to rehab, I got hospitalized many times, lost the custody of my children and a good friend of mine got stabbed on his heart one year after. I'm still wondering is this shadowy presence was good, evil or just a product of my imagination and anxiety attack. What you think?", "answer": "Withdrawals (especially from alcohol or Benzodiazepines) can sometimes include hallucinations.\n\nAs another person mentioned, sleep paralysis is also a legit possibility.\n\nEither of these (or both) are likely more accurate explanations than paranormal activities.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2v59s6", "comment_id": "coep27u"}, {"question": "Can I have alcohol with Lexapro?", "description": "I'm on 10 mg of Lexapro daily, and I want to know if I can have a Smirnoff Ice, just this once. I'm having a bad day, I have no friends to talk to, and I just want to have a drink. My tolerance to alcohol is really low, so I'll only have one drink. Am I allowed to do that, if I take my pill hours before?", "answer": "You'll probably be fine. My addictions patients seem to guzzle bottles of everything despite being prescribed a bucket of pills daily, and seem to survive (not that im recommending it!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rmeka", "comment_id": "dl66k3j"}, {"question": "I'm [20/f] stressed out about my bf [21/m] and our future together", "description": "My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts. I graduate college in may 2018 with an Associate's degree in nursing and plan to finish my Bachelor's degree. My boyfriend on the other hand is not in college and is about to lose his job because of missing work and being late all the time. We don't live together but we've always thought about marriage. I'm just stressed out that our financial future is going to be my responsibility. We've known each other for almost 6 years and 4 of those years have been us in a relationship. The 2 years we weren't together, right after finishing high school, he had problems with drugs and the law. Since then he hasn't used hard drugs or pills but he was diagnosed with depression and hasn't been able to deal with it entirely. He comes from a very broken home and really tough background. I come from a dysfunctional family but had a way better upbringing than him. I'm just not sure how to make all of this work. We got back together a year ago and everything was great in the beginning but the last maybe 8 months have been really tough. I don't like it when he smokes weed because of the drug problem he had which has caused a lot of fights between us. My family cares about him a lot but thinks he's a loser compared to me and don't think twice about letting me know which makes me doubt our relationship even more. I just don't know what to do or how to deal with all of this. ", "answer": "Your boyfriend, whatever his struggles and history is either A) capable of behaving better or B) not. \n\nIf it's B, your future is well and truly fucked and you're waaaaay better off leaving him. If it's A, he'd better start doing better soon, or you're going to become convinced it's B and leave regardless. \n\nIn order to figure out the truth, you need to learn to identify your relational needs and to communicate your boundaries and keep them.\n\nCounseling is very helpful for that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fyanv", "comment_id": "dilzmhy"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have psychotic symptoms?", "description": "Such as a distortion of beliefs and perceptions, elaborate plans for revenge, and/or desperate and manipulative attempts to avoid perceived abandonment?\n\nI have never, ever acted upon these thoughts, and they are quiet and small and nonintrusive, but they are there.", "answer": "I have grandiose delusions but I wouldn't call them delusions per se", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3oc5j6", "comment_id": "cvw6jzf"}, {"question": "Feeling Unfit For Society/Behind", "description": "I'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. To give you some backstory, I never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). When I was younger, the only \"real\" friends I had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than I) and two of my childhood friends (one, when I was about 7-9 and another when I was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). Most of my childhood was spent alone and I developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. Thus, I never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. I had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). I spent all four years of my highschool alone. Sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. Literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. Come college and I dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. I felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (I used to get told that I always had a frown on my face and people would assume I was mad, even when I wasn't). And for the last 2 years, I took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and I fell into deep depression where I was contemplating suicide for months. Felt I had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). However, I've decided that either I'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. My first step is by getting a job. I only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when I was 16 (only 1 month of work). I feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what I was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since I dropped out). I also want to get friends and a girlfriend. Right now, I have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. I have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. Other than that, I get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. I have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. I also have no idea on how to make friends... I feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "Consider going to therapy.  I think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around.  You can ABSOLUTELY do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "e4rt7xs"}, {"question": "Living with someone who is a BIG drinker", "description": "Hi guys, \n\nI am not sure why I am posting this, perhaps to vent, perhaps for some advice but I have had to reset my badge again today. I live with my boyfriend who drinks every single day, this hasn't changed from the day I met him, it is just the way he is and he doesn't think he has an issue. When we first met drinking was our thing but last year I decided to become sober and lasted 4 months. Those 4 months were horrible, seeing him coming in drunk was frustrating as hell because I had to sit and listen to him ramble on about nonsense. \n\nSlowly I settled back into drinking with him and it was fine again (or at least the relationship was, the drinking everyday not so much) I have decided to stop again a few times this year but I just find it easier to be around my Boyfriend when we are both drunk and on the same wavelength. \n\nI suppose my question is - is it possible to live and be happy with someone who drinks to excess but doesn't see an issue while remaining sober. It doesn't help that his Dad is a huge, huge alcoholic and often stays with us. \n\nOr is it perhaps time to say quits...the thought almost breaks my heart into a million pieces. \n\nAnother fear of mine is he is going to end up dead soon, he wants to start a family but I am loathe to do so while we have these issues and I am at an age now where I am wanting to settle down but perhaps he isn't the one. ", "answer": "Don\u2019t start a family with someone whose idea of a great life is obliterating the day. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7yvalc", "comment_id": "dujht58"}, {"question": "ECT used to treat addicion /withdrawal (Benzo)", "description": "Male, 36 years old from Europe\n\nI do not think my weight/height will have any impact on this question, but will of course edit if mods disagree.\n\nI've had clinical depression with anxiety for 22 years, and had my first admission to psychiatric ward(open) in 2002. I have been prescribed Oxzeapam 25mg for about 14 years, but never abused them, only taken when needed. I have been, since 2002, been prescribed every kind of medication for depression (and also bi-polar, to test effect). I have been through all \"standard ones\" - Effexor, Remeron, Zyprexa, Zoloft, Lithium, Quitapin, Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Edronax and possibly a few I don't remember. Mid-2017 is when I started losing all hope and started abusing the benzo(combination of Diazepam and Oxazepam). Some days doeses could be 80mg Diazepam and 50mg Oxazepam, just to give you a indication of size of doses, but there was not a clear pattern in what combination I used them.  \n\nLate 2017 I was again admitted to open psychiatric ward, this time to undergo ECT **for depression**(in bold for relevance to my question below). I did not mention any benzo abuse, just that I had been prescribed them, and that I used them when needed. The had a series of 6 ECT treatments, and they had a short lasting effect, in a good way. The charts for the treatment was \"textbook good\". The ECT-doctors were very pleased with EEG and bodily seizure times(around 40 sec/35 sec respectivly). For reasons unknown, they stopped after 6 treatments, but I am now going in again in a month or 2 for a new series of 6 ECTs.\n\n**Here is the issue. I'm following** [**Ashton manual, Schedule 2**](https://benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s2)**, and cut out the Oxazepam. I'm down to 20mg Diazepam, and haven't had any real reaction to the taper at all. Some days I slip up and take 30-40mg. My question is, after reading a** [**small publication from US Liberary of Medicine**](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28622209)**, can ECT also eliminate any withdrawal, if stopping Diazepam when starting the ECT-series?**\n\nI would REALLY appreciate if a doctor could share any knowledge on this. What should my actions be? Taper down as fast as possible on Diazepam, or keep the dose steady before starting the ECT?", "answer": "That\u2019s one case, and it\u2019s severe alcohol withdrawal, not (as far as I can tell) slow and asymptomatic progress on tapering benzos. This is not any kind of standard use of ECT and I wouldn\u2019t recommend it.\n\nPlease tell your doctors how much you\u2019re actually taking. Benzos can themselves interfere with ECT. Not always, as you\u2019ve seen with your previous treatment, but you also don\u2019t want to get ECT in the future, have them assume the same parameters will work when you are taking less, and have an excessive response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ysgxm", "comment_id": "e2dm0ss"}, {"question": "Complicated shadows [30/m]", "description": "Hi, I'm in relationship for a year with a bit older women.\nShe is great and she is everything I could expect from a women.\nShe cannot have children and she has 18 year old daughter.\nHer daughter is attractive and she got nearly my age boyfriend now\n(She was in relationship with her own age guy for a while)\nAnd for some reason something is really bothering me in all of this, I can't gasp what it is exactly but I think I feel that I could do better and find my own age or younger women..\nShould I just break up with her and move on?..", "answer": "something you have to process; if there are specific concerns, address them; if you think you're simply not in love, yes move on", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3tz6", "comment_id": "ddz4ar2"}, {"question": "Mom has Amnesia", "description": "I just got home from work tonight and my mom has been in a state of amnesia. When I asked, she said she didn't hit her head or take any medication. She mentioned a few times how she was confused because she was napping and she claims to have dreamt things she actually did in real life (e.g. buy kiwis and gum). She couldn't tell me what month it was. To say this is unsettling is truly an understatement. I've never seen any worrying signs of memory loss in her. She seemed completely fine when I left for work. I'm really worried. Obviously she will see a doctor ASAP. I pray to God she wakes up okay. This night has changed my life forever. Like most of you, I love my mom more than anything in the world and this is a deeply humbling experience. I urge you all to express your love to your fullest capabilities. Every day is truly a priceless gift we must stop taking for granted. Any prayers and/or words of advice are greatly appreciated. Thank you. ", "answer": "Do these experiences come on suddenly? It's bordering on urgent assessment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5foz41", "comment_id": "damhoyy"}, {"question": "Is he playing me", "description": "So I (19f) have been seeing or dating this guy (23m) for about 2 months now, I know age isn't a problem since our mutual friend set us up. He and I have gotten serious moving to the next step and a month and half later I ask what we are and he said he's been through some tough stuff and that he hasn't thought about it that much.which he has including surgery and so I respect that. But is he just pushing off telling me how he really feels and not wanting to actually make this a relationship? I just don't wanna be made a fool out of myself for liking this guy so much", "answer": "always be direct about feelings. tell him what you feel; ask what he feels; go from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vp2zd", "comment_id": "de3tskq"}, {"question": "Would anyone with Social Anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018How I Overcame Social Anxiety & How You Can Too\u2019. It\u2019s free for the next 2 days on Amazon. More info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "Hi I\u2019m Tobias.\n\nI originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.\n\nFirstly, I never in a million years pictured I\u2019d be here sharing a book I wrote about how I overcame social anxiety because I never thought I\u2019d ever get over it myself.\n\nI was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. For years I was on strong antidepressants (250 mg Zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. I won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)\n\nI believed I had a genetic fault in my brain and I was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d I had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. I didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.\n\nThrough a lot of effort on his part, I met a man who managed to convince me I could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. I got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. Now I\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.\n\nIt\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. I am living proof of that.\n\nThis book is not something I threw together last weekend. It has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. I have truly put my heart and soul into this book.\n\nIf you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days.\n\nUSA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B01EXTED56?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=\n\nUK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nCanada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nAustralia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56\n\n(Other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)\n\nThis book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.\n\nAll these things I was going through.\n\nFeel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.\n\nI really hope my book helps you. I\u2019m contactable and I will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "I went ahead and purchased it!\n\nAs a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, I can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "d3s22jy"}, {"question": "Looking for some help with a brother and his excuses for not going back to rehab", "description": "My brother has a severe drug problem. He did 6 months of rehab a couple years ago, but went because he thought he had to, not because he himself wanted to.\n\nWithin a couple months of getting out, he was using again, and it just got worse and worse. He didn't have an exit plan, and just went back to his old drug friends, obviously a recipe for disaster. I can't give too many details because anyone who knows us that reads it will know exactly who I am.. Basically my parents have disowned him, and I lived in a different province.. As did our other siblings., he had no support even if he did want it.\n\nI live near by now, and even though I know he's still using, and he's a pathological liar, so I don't believe a word he says (every time I see him, it's a new story, and he reveals more drug info.. Originally it was just that he was smoking pot again, but he has recently told me he is back on opiates.. I know if I had another convo, I'd hear about more drugs)..\n\nOn New Year's Eve, he stayed with us, because he said he'd use if he didn't. We ended up in another conversation about his use and all his issues, and by the end of the convo, he brought up rehab, and I suggested that it might be a good idea for him to go back, because he'd be away from all the people that tempt him use. He agreed and said he'd sleep on it.  The next day, got all the typical excuses.. Need to take care of bills and debts first.\n\nSo.. To those of you who are in recovery..  How do I get him past this? He doesn't have a job.. And no prospects, so he won't be making money to pay off the debts he's referring to.. And our family isn't well off that we can cover them for him. So what can I do to convince him that he needs to get help now (which was his idea originally) instead of worrying about debts, which he can't pay because he's not working.\n\nAny help is appreciated, I just want my brother to get help, so he can return to normal life with my family.", "answer": "The bottom line is you can't only he can. Keep suggesting recovery, do not enable, and tell him you care. He needs to decide enough is enough. The consequences will come, believe me. On that day do not enable him, let them come to him and let him have to find his way out. On that day suggest rehab. Otherwise he will more than likely not listen.\n\nYour intentions are noble. He is not ready yet. Just keep encouraging him.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "2rexlx", "comment_id": "cnfvtrr"}, {"question": "Lost respect for my boss, relatively new employee", "description": "So I just got a nice new job about 4 weeks ago. I was excited about it and it seemed to be a great jumping off point for my career. My boss was well respected outside our corporation, she had a lot of successful meetings and awards, and was seemingly on a path to success where she was going to drag me along.\n\nWell, as the time has passed I realize that she is not at all who people think she is. I took an amateur psychopathy test on her behalf and it spells her out to a T. \n\nWhat pushed me was an event today when she flew off the handle and screamed at a long term co-worker over an incredibly innocuous comment. I have seen small events like this happen, but not to this level. It was full on bullying and disgusting behavior. \n\nI will add that I have been having some strong second thoughts about taking the job after a few incidents that have involved me, and older employees who have worked for her are beaten down and choose not to fight back, which I can understand. \n\nRight now I am feeling like I made a big mistake, taking a job without the full knowledge of what I was getting into. I will spend the weekend applying to jobs to find an escape route. \n\nI know that getting her fired will be very difficult because of her seniority.", "answer": "Start hunting for a new job now before you have a big gap on your resume.  No need to even put this job on there you've been there so little time. Get out now. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2hl7p7", "comment_id": "ckts1nv"}, {"question": "It\u2019s fair to judge someone on their personality", "description": "It\u2019s not ok to judge on looks, disability, race, or wealth. Our personality and actions are fair game to be judged. I\u2019m ashamed of how I act. My boyfriend loves me in spite of my terrible behavior. I\u2019m so ashamed of myself. No one deserves to be treated the way I act, yet I feel like I don\u2019t know how to stop. I feel like people would forgive me and let me change, which is great, but I feel lost at not knowing how to change. I feel I\u2019ve been so bad to the people in my life who wanted to only help me. Maybe this is a realization I needed. The way I behave is not acceptable or fair to anyone. I want to be a better version of myself. I feel such a shame for how I behave. I truly do. I want to pretend I don\u2019t know myself or remember how I acted sometimes because I feel such an embarrassment towards me own horrible behavior.", "answer": "Medication can be really helpful ... have you met with an MD about something that can help?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ee9gb4", "comment_id": "fbsptn4"}, {"question": "Can my primary doctor treat my anxiety?", "description": "\n20F, 5\u20198, 145lbs, Indian\n\nPrimary Complaint: Anxiety\n\nDuration: 7-10 years (was bullied all throughout elementary and middle school) \n\nCurrent medical issues: Iron deficiency anemia\n\nMedications: None\n\ndrugs/smoking/drinking: Never used\n\nI have an appointment coming up this Friday. I want to talk to my doctor about the anxiety Ive had for years.  It\u2019s through Kaiser, and coincidentally, without mentioning it to anyone I know, I keep coming across bad stories about Kaisers mental health services. I don\u2019t want to reach out and try if it\u2019s going to be for nothing.\n\nI don\u2019t know if I should bother talking about depression because it may just stem from my anxiety. Anxiety is what I want to treat first.", "answer": "A primarily doctor may treat anxiety. Whether yours is comfortable and knowledgeable depends on the doctor, but it\u2019s reasonable to ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dz7wnq", "comment_id": "f85wzpf"}, {"question": "Fear of passing gas or pooping my pants :/", "description": "I've been dealing with a terrible fear for several months that has gotten worse and worse to the point of getting dizzy and having (unrelated to my fear) visual hallucinations after finally getting to be alone. I have awful social anxiety, but my main fear while I am in public is that I'm passing gas or have pooped my pants without knowing or will any moment. My stomach does get upset when I'm anxious often, but I've never actually pooped my pants...there's just always this fear I have until going to the restroom to check or will any moment. And, even though I've never heard or smelled anything, I still just have this fear when my anxiety is at an all-time high when in public.\n\nI know this sounds funny, but it truly isn't to live through. When I finally am alone, I automatically feel better unless I had to be in public for a few hours, then the dizziness and hallucinations start- because I'm so mentally and physically tired from the extreme worry and fear.\n\nI'm too embarrassed to tell this specific fear to my counselor, so I'm braving it here on Reddit. It's just awful, especially trying to go to the pool or wear white pants or dresses. These fears are all I can think about when I'm in public even though no one has ever mentioned me doing any of these things, and I have very good friends who invite me to things they never would if I truly were passing gas all the time... My anxiety just gets SO bad that I get paranoid and think everyone is looking at me in a menacing manner..and my brain decides it's because I must be doing or about to be doing one of the most embarrassing things a girl can do- poop her pants or be passing gas in public.\n\nAnyway, has anyone else had this fear? I tried searching Google and didn't find anything.\n\ntl;dr: My panic gets so bad I irrationally fear I have or will poop my pants or pass gas in public even though this has never previously happened. Any advice?", "answer": "My advice would be to bring it up with your counselor. As a counselor myself, I can tell you that we hear things like this daily, and it probably would phase your counselor much much less than you would imagine. That way you can begin to actively work through that fear", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1fumjm", "comment_id": "cae0i01"}, {"question": "How long do I have to get a tetanus shot after being stabbed by metal?", "description": "I drilled into my finger with a broken drill bit by accident. There is a little metal piece stuck in my finger. It did not register that I should go to the doctor. It's been 4 days now. I will be getting the shot tomorrow morning, but is it too late for the shot? My last shot was in high school, I was maybe 13-14.\n\n​\n\n* Age - 28\n* Sex - m\n* Height - 180cm\n* Weight - 90kg\n* Race - europe white\n* Duration of complaint - 4 days\n* Location (Geographic and on body) - left thumb\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - none\n* Current medications (if any) - none", "answer": "tetanus has protective effects that last at least 10 years. Its not just for this incident, also for future incidents.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bcz2t9", "comment_id": "ekuvy5g"}, {"question": "My [24M] girlfriend [22F] tells her parents and close friends every time I fuck up.", "description": "We have been dating for 3.5 years and its been great. Things are going swimmingly and I intend on marrying this girl some day. That said, people make mistakes and both my girlfriend and I have blown it here or there. The problem is the difference in how we handle it.\n\nHer fucking up: I get upset, take a step back, cool down, talk with her about it, forgive her.\n\nMe fucking up: She gets upset, tells her parents her side of the story (while she is still angry), tells her friends her side of the story (while she is still angry), cools down, talks with me about it, forgives me, lies to her parents and friends by telling them she is still mad at me (to save face because apparently admitting that she overreacted is embarrassing)\n\nThis obviously smears her parents' and friends' opinions of me. She then usually finds herself having to navigate a web of lies and slowly ease her parents and friends into liking me again. Meanwhile she has long forgiven me and genuinely wants her peers to approve of me. But when her parents and friends only ever hear about what a shit head I am, why would they?\n\nI have tried discussing it with her, but the only time it comes up is when I am already in the dog house and have no ground to stand on. How do I explain to her that some things really should just stay between us? A simple \"BF is an idiot\" should be sufficient for anyone who pries. No need to go spreading my dirty laundry everywhere.\n\n", "answer": "she has to become more mature and maintain boundaries. if she feels abused, then she needs to get support from family and friends. but if it's a simple argument, she should keep it between you and her, except for maybe one best friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3mbq", "comment_id": "dc0k70y"}, {"question": "I'm addicted to my phone.", "description": "Anyone else like this? It distracts me from everything going on around me. I've accepted that its a bad thing yet I can't go without it.", "answer": "It's becoming more and more common.  If you're a reader check our \"Irresistible\" by Adam Alter.  It's a long but really good and informative read on how people are becoming increasingly addicted to technology, phones, games, etc. and how the industries actually works to create addiction.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8pmjmq", "comment_id": "e0cj3jr"}, {"question": "Psychs, is my roommate dangerous? Answers GREATLY appreciated", "description": "Okay. I met & started dating my boyfriend in October (he rocks) and through him met all 4 of his roommates, who I got to  know simply bc I'm at their house so often. We all just graduated from college this spring (he and his roommates went to a different college from me, so I didn't know any of them prior to this past fall/winter). \n\nIn May one of them (let's call him C) went to the emergency room for a suicide attempt-- tried to run onto nearby train tracks and was stopped by acquaintances from the party he'd run out of. Because I a) happened to be the most level headed at 3 AM when the police came to the house and b) was trying to be a good friend, I was the one who ended up staying the 12 hours in the emergency room waiting room with him. I was really worried about him and assumed he'd end up staying at least a week in a psych ward-- a friend from high school had a similar experience and being on a pretty casual ward for a week helped her a ton. However, when the psych finally called me in to talk to her and C, it was clear he had charmed her the way he charms most people-- she seemed convinced that the problem was simply that he'd had too much to drink, he'd learned a lesson, and he was fine to leave.\n\nThe thing is I don't think that's true. This is someone who has been known to get kind of violent when he gets angry-- I've heard him throw furniture and I know from my boyfriend that C once physically attacked another student in their program.\n\nWhen all of us were discussing where we'd all be moving come September, my boyfriend's and my ideal situation most closely matched up with C's, so my boyfriend (who is rational sometimes to a fault) decided we might as well move in with him. Since no one else seemed worried, I tried to quell my fears and we ended up signing a lease. \n\nThe other night I was getting ice cream with another of my boyfriend's roommates, let's call him A, and he brought up the fact that I'd be living with C-- he said he was sorry if it was too late to say anything or if I was offended, but he was really worried about it. We talked for a while and he ended up confirming a lot of my fears-- that C probably has bipolar disorder with some sociopathic tendencies (we've done a TON of research, I promise this isn't us just gossiping) and, as A revealed to me, has been forceful/violent with women (not rape, more disregarding barriers/making people feel unsafe) in the past.\n\nC is brilliant and talented, and great fun when he's in a good mood. But the fact that his mood changes are entirely unpredictable is what scares me. I think he's still a danger to himself, and maybe to my boyfriend and me.\n\nWe're considering calling his dad but are scared he might somehow retaliate. Am I making too big a fuss? Should I suck it up and live with him? Any advice would be so, so appreciated. \n\nThank you!!!\n\n\\~Duckie ", "answer": "Is he a danger to himself or anyone else? I certainly can't know that without speaking to him, and even then any doctor or therapist's ability to predict that is poor. But history is the best predictor of future behavior, so if he has been violent, he's more likely to be violent, and if he has made a suicide attempt, he's more likely to make a suicide attempt.\n\nBe that as it may, what can you do about it? If you call his dad, what can his dad do? If he is not any immediate danger there is nothing that can be done against his will. You can encourage him to seek treatment, but that is about it. And if he does anything dangerous then you can get medical care or police involved. Otherwise you're stuck with an erratic person on the lease with you, which is unfortunate.\n\nOne thing to clarify: rapidly changing moods are not bipolar disorder. The hallmark of bipolar disorder is, in fact, sustained moods, either elevated or depressed. But I still definitely cannot make a diagnosis from a few paragraphs of description.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "937w41", "comment_id": "e3bannr"}, {"question": "I turn 30 in 10 days and have no friends. What should I do for my birthday?", "description": "I'm a soon-to-be 30-year-old man who would like to hear your thoughts. \n\n\nFor the past 4 years, I've essentially lived as a recluse. As a result, I'm at a point now where I haven't spoken to anyone I'd really consider a friend for almost a year. \n\nThe only times I've felt like a normal, happy, reasonably well-adjusted human being in these years were the times where I just left and booked a flight and a room in a hostel somewhere. In that environment, I could quickly and easily befriend people my age. We'd visit the city,  joke around, go out together... and then I'd fly home and immediately sink back into the pit of loneliness and self-pity that is my life here. \n\nThat's the situation right now. I also haven't really celebrated my birthday since I was eleven. I'd like the weekend of my 30th to be at least vaguely pleasant, so what should I do? \n\nI live in Belgium and I like history, art, travel, sunshine, and people - even if I suck terribly at keeping them around. I'm not asking how to fix my life, just some advice on how to best spend my 30th.", "answer": "I was in Europe over the summer and I was by myself. I found out about the couchsurfing app/website and it helped me make some friends, some of which were also travelers but others were locals who wanted to share their experience with us, so you could be one of those locals and get to meet a bunch of people and maybe even take them to the touristy places! ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "59jnwg", "comment_id": "d99edm7"}, {"question": "Do therapists go to therapy?", "description": "Do practicing therapists go to therapy? I can only imagine that even for a professional, it is difficult dealing with other people's pain and trauma. Not to mention, therapists are people too and they have their own problems to deal with.", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nYes (some of us) do. It's generally pretty encouraged so we don't burn out.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g68jwq", "comment_id": "fo8hqfe"}, {"question": "Am I having a heart attack?", "description": "20, Male, 5'8, 170 pounds, No medication, don't smoke or do drugs. \n\nFor the past hour or 3, it feels like I have a weight on my chest and have this weird feeling everytime I breathe, I also have little sharp pains in my chest from time to time\n.", "answer": "I assume that you are still alive. Didn't sound too suspicious, more musculoskeletal maybe... ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8moine", "comment_id": "dzp868r"}, {"question": "Budding relationship between 25/m and 26/f -- need advice on establishing a healthy base for a partnership.", "description": "Hey all, thanks for indulging me.\n\nI just started graduate school in August and after a little socializing with my cohort, I met one of the girls and we really hit it off. Without getting into too much detail about the courtship process, we're not at the point where we've both directly stated our feelings and our interest.\n\nI'm excited, but a little terrified. I've had bad luck with relationships up until this point -- my last girlfriend was when I was 21 (I'm the 25m), and the past few years has been a long, lonely road where I had to get used to being alone and learn to accept who I was. This was hard but also good experience for me in the long run. However, I've been out of the game so long that I'm afraid I'm going to mess everything up due to lack of experience. This woman is beautiful and so much of what I always wanted in a partner when I was wallowing in my depression over being alone -- my anxiety has raised the stakes of the situation and I just need a little help coming up with a game plan. The connection I feel with this person is very deep. When I\u2019m with her I feel safe, heard, seen and accepted. I\u2019m enchanted with her and I have reason to believe she feels the same way towards me, but my history with relationships has planted a seed in my expectations \u2013 I can\u2019t shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen, like I\u2019ll be hurt for the umpteenth time. I guess I\u2019m afraid to fully commit to the relationship because it\u2019s been relationships that have hurt me the most in my life. There are so many wonderful things about her that I thought I\u2019d never get to have in a partner again, and I want to be happy about this situation so badly but I\u2019m just so afraid of being hurt that I can\u2019t relax. \nWhatever this is between us, I really want to make it something good for the both of us. I think I really do have the capacity to love this woman and I think she feels the same way about me \u2013 we\u2019re both in graduate school together preparing for our \u201ctrue\u201d adult lives and I know that if we maintain a good relationship right now then we\u2019re likely to move onto our next phase of life together which is\u2026 exciting and terrifying. The other night she asked me if I wanted kids at any point in my life \u2013 it kind of freaked me out at first, but I guess we\u2019re at that point in our lives where some people are starting to care about that a lot more. To me it sent a message that said \u201cI see us working in the long-term, but it\u2019s important that this is something we both want.\u201d Is this too much too fast? Or is it just being straightforward and honest?\n\nWe\u2019re both going to meet up tomorrow night (the 24th), and talk about a few things \u2013 our past relationships, our patterns and how we\u2019re feeling about what we\u2019re feeling with each other. One of the only things keeping me from flinging into a panic is the sincere and genuine connection I feel when I\u2019m with her and also that she wants to have a constructive conversation about our past and where we are now. What are some things I should ask her? What are some boundaries I should think about putting up? If this is going to be a relationship, how can I make sure that we start on the right foot? I want to be close to somebody again, and I want it to be a safe experience for the both of us\u2026 so, what\u2019s your advice on making that happen, Reddit? \n", "answer": "your thoughtfulness is the base! the key to any pairing is defining what you both want it to be, and sticking to it. keep talking and clarifying, and you can't go wrong!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788ghy", "comment_id": "dorwtqq"}, {"question": "Alright r/depression, I need you.", "description": "My boyfriend of one year has suffered through bouts of depression since before he hit high school. Every few months or so he will have \"bad thoughts\" as we like to call them, which are pretty much suicidal and about just how little he values himself. We work through it (as much as I don't want to say it, we ignore it a bit), and then he moves on and we're happy and in love again.\n\n\nI honestly cannot say that I understand his feelings or how or why he feels depressed. I'm not a typical extrovert, but I am friendly and open to new people and experiences, with a positive outlook on life. We;ve always joked about him being the pessimist, but it was only ever as a joke.\n\n\nI buy him little gifts and try and go out of my way for him quite often. Recently, and this is my problem, he told me that he recognized that he was soon to spiral into depression and he wanted to try and fight it. I bought him model kits to piece together because I know that when he is focused and has a task at hand, he does not stop to think of himself. It didn't work. \n\nHe told me today that he kept thinking of how he was a failure and how he now and forever would not be able to do anything right. He couldn't find a reason to stick around. It hurts me so much to hear his \"bad thoughts\" and that he has them at all. I like to think that I help, but then I don't know how to deal when he feels low again. He's my anything and everything, I can't imagine life without him, but how do I make life tolerable for him?\n\n\n**TL;DR: My amazing boyfriend has suicidal thoughts every so often, and I don't understand where they come from/how to help. Any incite?**", "answer": "The best thing you can do is to listen to him, and try not to discount his feelings (but dont encourage them either). Be a sound board for him- a place for him to talk out his negative thoughts.\n\nIf it is severe, you really need to press him (nonjudgmentally) to seek help. And if you have reason to believe he is going to hurt himself, you need to take action to protect him (seeking professional help). \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "saegz", "comment_id": "c4ckb8j"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (F21) broke up with me (M21) because she is going through some shit, what to do?", "description": "My girlfriend recently broke up with me because she's going through a tough time. She says it's nothing to do with me and she still likes me and has fun with me but she's used to being alone and struggles with relationships and adding another person into her life seems difficult.  \nShe keeps posting on social media about being depressed and upset and self destructing.  Saying she pushes people she loves away as a self defense mechanism.  Obviously I still like her and feel really confused since I thought everything was going great but she was suffering the whole 3 months without me picking up on it. \nMy question is,  she still wants to be friends,  still says she likes me what should I do? I obviously still like her but I feel like I'm just waiting for her to... Want to a relationship again? I don't know.  Should I just move on? Should I stay friends and wait and see? Any thoughts are welcome. \n\nEDIT -  Thank you for all the replies! It's nice different points of view ", "answer": "get her help/doc/therapist\n\ntake ur cues from her. give her space as needed. check in once in a while gently", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vimw1", "comment_id": "de2c1py"}, {"question": "My BF (27) wants to call it quits because I'm (22/f) not ready to move in with him. HELP.", "description": "So my bf and I have been dating for more than 2 years now. He has brought up this subject before and we fought about it before. It's not that I'm oppose to living with him. It's just that I'm not ready and I think we both are not ready financially. I still live with my mum because I study full-time and my part-time job could not support me to live independently. While my bf shares a house with his mates but barely gets by with his part-time job. \n\nSo now he wants to break up with me because according to him I wont fully know what kind of a man he is unless we lived together. Tbh I find it a bit BS because he had stayed at my place and vice versa before but only for a couple days and we had an out of town trip just the two of us a year ago.Isn't that a glimpse of living together. \n\nI've told him I'd like to move in when I've finished my studies and a bit financially settled with a full-time job, but he said he can't wait anymore.\n\nI don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him but I am not ready to move in together. \nI don't know how to talk sense into him anymore. He actually wants to break up during my finals week in uni. And he knows the amount of stress I'm already in but still he did this.\n\nI need your advice .please.", "answer": "Relationships are all about timing.  You just might not be in the same place with respect to your needs and expectations.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77fs9c", "comment_id": "dolgnm8"}, {"question": "Anyone else on a long waiting list to get professional help and in need of a friend in the mean time..?", "description": "It took me so long to finally admit to myself that I've been suffering from depression for a very long time, and now that I really need the professional help, It'll take months for me to even get a first appointment. Starting at a new university this week and I really feel that without someone who really understands, I will mess up this new second chance I have. ", "answer": "Check if Uni has a counseling services office, many do. They might be helpful until you can get an appointment elsewhere.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6v5bqd", "comment_id": "dlxpxbo"}, {"question": "Curiosity", "description": "Is anyone else just generally curious about things? Like I just want to know about something or how someone feels about something, and keep asking questions, and make people feel like I'm playing devils advocate, but really just want to know why. Or just me?", "answer": "Lol curiosity is an amazing quality, but it can be destructive. Curiosity demonstrates active listening which people generally love.\n\nSome ways to ask questions without sounding like you're interviewing someone-\n\n- Make comments not questions \"Oh your opinion on that is very interesting, my opinion is a little different, maybe we know different things about this topic.\"\n\n- Validate first then ask a question prefaced with curiosity \"yeah that point seems very important to you, I'm curious if you could tell me more?\"\n\n- Use open ended questions, the info you need to get will take longer but you'll learn lots of other things on the way and you'll get there without asking a thousand yes no questions. (This includes any one or two word answers like \"what time would you like to start.\" Could be \"I wonder what availabilities you have.\"\n\n- Off the back of the last one, let them talk. Pause for a few seconds after they go quiet, for two reasons, it gives them a chance to continue if they want and also, it shows you're thinking and not just shooting questions at them.\n\n- Mirror them, if you ask a question and they look away, you look away. If they make eye contact try to look at their face at least. If you don't match their enthusiasm you risk looking weirdly eager.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bjlg2p", "comment_id": "emaq3sx"}, {"question": "How to deal with a fixated person frequenting my venue?", "description": "Good evening, Reddit!  Casual lurker coming out of the shadows for this one.\n\nI recently started to manage a venue that has a ready-made community, and my boss is someone well-known within the community, as is the person who is fixated on her.\n\nThis person is known for being unpredictable.  Clearly she is not well.  She is not only grieving  a major loss, but seems to be experiencing many symptoms of dementia.  She does not know my boss personally, but has barraged her with messages on Facebook, emails, and, now that she has found the phone number, phone calls.\n\nShe attempted to enter a sold-out event without a ticket, thinking she had purchased one (though she had not), and became so frustrated, she assaulted our security guards.  We ultimately called the police, who took her to the hospital.\n\nThe following week, she did purchase a ticket, and returned, and I informed her she was no longer welcome after the previous week's events.  She was more docile, apologetic, not in touch with reality and clearly set on the outcome that she get to talk to my boss. I listened to her empathetically for 30 minutes (our plan had been to call the police if she returned, but I made the call that this would not be necessary that night), accepted her apology, but stood firm: she could not come in and that was not going to change.\n\nShe has continued to harass my employer digitally.  These are clearly the warning signs of a \"fixated person\" and I get the feeling we're not giving her enough credit for the damage she could do: to herself, to my employer, to our guests and to our business. My boss is hesitant to start the process for filing a restraining order, and I can't stand outside with her, blocking the door, whenever she makes an appearance. \n\nI am unsure what the next steps we should take to resolve this problem.  Is it possible to mitigate what I think is a very real threat, here, using some ninja conversational techniques and boundary-setting rather than calling the authorities? Can anyone refer me to some good literature on addressing this sort of thing?\n\nLove,\n\nB", "answer": "She sounds like a stalker.  It's highly likely she's got some other stuff going on, too.  Is it dementia?  Ummm, I don't know, but 56 is a little young.  It could be early onset, but from what you described about her behavior/presentation, it doesn't quite fit for me.  I could be wrong.  \n\nIt sounds like she could be psychotic.  Can you tell if she has been drinking or using drugs?  Substances could be contributing to her psychosis or exacerbating previously existing pathology.  \n\nThis woman needs to be hospitalized and actually stabilized on meds before she's released.  She's likely going to end up getting herself into legal trouble, and hurting herself or someone else.  \n\nIt's easy to see why your boss (and other people) may be hesitant to initiate a stay-away/protection/restraining order.  People feel bad, she's sick and she needs help.  I don't think many people consider that the best interests of the person in need may involve doing something that feels unpleasant.  At the end of the day, your boss needs to weigh the pros and cons.  If this woman is truly as sick as she sounds, there are no conversational techniques that will work.  \n\nI can find literature about stalking, but I'm not sure how much it will help.  Let me know.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado5e8", "comment_id": "edj2iyw"}, {"question": "Recovering sex life AFTER depression", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am a 32 year old male, have been with my wife for 10 years, and was diagnosed with Major Depression at 26. I am doing much better now after therapy and medication, but my wife and I are still struggling with our sex life. We went to couples therapy for a while, and it did teach us to communicate better, but that has not translated into our bedroom. When I look online, everything resource is about your sex life WHILE depressed, low libido, etc. I am recovered, and my wife and I both want to have sex, but we have developed a lot of bad habits and fears due to my depression and its affect on our relationship. If anyone has any resources or personal stories of recovering your sex life AFTER depression, I would very much appreciate any insight or guidance.", "answer": "I wonder if Esther Perel's work could help? To my knowledge, she doesn't really speak much about depression but in general talks a lot about reviving connection, excitement, and intimacy in relationships and keeping the spark alive even in a long-term relationships or after difficult experiences like infidelity. She has some TED talks and a couple of books. She's brilliant.\n\nMaybe start here and see if it resonates? https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "an4cec", "comment_id": "efr3gkv"}, {"question": "Hypothyroid or hypochondriac?", "description": "36yo white female. 5'1\" 170 pounds.\n\nHistory of depression since first child was born 5 years ago, anxiety, back and neck pain x 10 years. Fatigue, brain fog, apathy, hair loss, overheating, palpitations are primary concerns. Vitals and general bloodwork look pretty normal across the board. Surgical history includes hysterectomy last year and ankle ORIF-then-hardware-removal surgeries several years ago. Ongoing care includes facet joint rhizotomies in cervical and thoracic spine, both sides.\n\nMarried, full-time working mother of 2 with stable family and personal life. No smoking, no recreational drug use, habitual red wine drinker (2-4 glasses most days, able to cease consumption without any problem when desired).\n\nCurrent meds: Prozac 40mg, Singulair 5mg, Motrin 800mg, all 1x/day. Biotin supplement, thyroid supplement, and 10,000iu VitD for the past several days.\n\nI have had the possibility of thyroid issues dismissed by multiple doctors and I still question whether there may be something going on. Most recent thyroid labs indicated TSH of 1.75 u[IU]/mL and a free T4 of 0.58 ng/dl. Original labs from 2 years ago (same weight, similar meds) were TSH 1.11 and free T4 of 0.79.\n\nI do have thyroid nodules, some of which were approaching 1 cm at last scan. \n\nDespite working with my psychiatrist to optimize meds for the depression and poor mental state overall (Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, Cymbalta, Ativan, Buspar, several newer drugs including Rexulti and Trintellix, etc.), I have not found relief from major depression symptoms. Last year I lost and then regained about 35 lbs with no major cessation of symptoms.\n\nI have read that low free T4 with normal TSH and with symptoms of hypothyroid, a pituitary issue of some sort is sometimes present. I am probably somewhere on the hypochondriac-no-really-stop-Googling spectrum.\n\nLast week, I began eating low carb and taking a thyroid supplement and all of the hypothyroid symptoms have virtually disappeared. Should I insist on seeing an endocrinologist to explore further, or just keep doing what I'm doing? Or is there another option I'm missing?\n ", "answer": "Low free T4 in the absence of low TSH could be a primary pituitary problem, but your levels don't look so remarkably low to me. That said, it depends somewhat on the lab, and I am not an endocrinologist.\n\nThe thyroid supplement you're taking is a pretty generic multivitamin with extra iodine and L-tyrosine; it's not doing anything for your thyroid unless for some reason you're iodine deficient, which is exceedingly rare in the first world and would have other issues. I think what's most effective for you is probably the change in diet and some placebo effect. Which is fine!\n\nIf you're feeling better I think it makes the most sense to continue doing what you're doing. You could talk to a doctor about those thyroid numbers but I don't know that you need to jump to an endocrinologist.\n\nOh, and it's probably not great to drink that much wine. There is a decent body of evidence that heavier alcohol use, even if it's not an alcohol use disorder, correlates with worse depression and, in fact, at least one study showing that it may reduce response to Prozac specifically [(paper here, if you're interested)](https://ac.els-cdn.com/S0033318296715153/1-s2.0-S0033318296715153-main.pdf?_tid=ce85c95a-8141-4385-af72-f47dcd45033b&acdnat=1524265927_5303329ab80534283ebce43672a66f97).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8dq4lo", "comment_id": "dxpgz9q"}, {"question": "Why do girls ask \"why do you like/love me?\" and how would you answer?", "description": "I hear this a lot and had this happen to me recently. It seems whatever answer I give doesn't feel good enough due to the reaction on her face or the tone of her voice.\n\nI'd say things like \"you make me happy and feel so comfortable where I can be myself\" (cheesy words and the like)\n\nWhat would you girls want/expect to hear?", "answer": "My answer over the past 18 years of marriage:\n\n\"Uh, dat ass.  Obviously.\"\n\n... like there's another possible answer to this question.  :rollseyes:", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "irxgh", "comment_id": "c266lul"}, {"question": "My girlfriend [19] of 6 months drunkenly told me [23/m] about how her dad sexually abuses her when she's home on holidays. She told me not to bring it up when she's sober and I don't know how to handle it.", "description": "We've been dating for six months now and we're both in university. In her drunken state, she told me he's been sneaking to her room and touching her since she was 11. She won't tell anyone because she wants to keep her family together. She also made me promise not to bring it up when she's sober. It's doing my head in that I can't talk to her about this. What should I do?", "answer": "I think you need to pick a time when a) you're both sober and b) emotions are not running high for any reason and sit her down for a talk. This talk should be about *your* feelings, which should be book-ended by how much you care about her, and how this puts you in the painful position of knowing this terrible thing happened to her and (I'm guessing) wishing you could protect her but being bound by your promise to do or say nothing to her or anyone else about it. This way you're not forcing her to do anything, you're just expressing your feelings. \n\nHere's the thing. Secrets are the quickest way to poison a relationship--and they're a big part of an abusive relationship like the one she apparently has with her father. I realize you made a promise, but if you keep that promise your relationship will sour and be awful for you both, one way or another. If you break the promise there is the possibility that a) the relationship remains strong b) gets even *stronger* and c) your girlfriend gets help dealing with this which could lead to an even better relationship. \n\nOr it leads to a break up. But you will know you did not help enable the abuse she's been experiencing and that perhaps, in the future, she will be very grateful to you regardless of your relationship's outcome.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "48j0wf", "comment_id": "d0kc58q"}, {"question": "When should i tell my employer i have an overseas trip coming?", "description": "So it's not so simple. I found the perfect casual job today. Had my interview/trial at a nice izakaya(japanese bar) and the owner was nice, everyone was nice and the atmosphere was great. Few small mistakes here and there but i took note of everything and got along well. \n\nSo the problem is i have a short family vacation in a few weeks(20th of july) and i will be away for 10 days. The normal weekly shifts will be 3 days per week  so i've calculated i would miss 4 if i went away. For this week i am suppose to come everyday until saturday to be trained.  I want the highest chance that my employer will keep me without canceling my trip. Should i tell him tomorrow? End of the week after training finished? End of next week when i have received my first pay? \n\n\nLittle background info: 22yo uni student in town thats hard to land a casual job. Ldr gf is also coming along the trip and i only see her twice a year, so canceling it would be such a hassle for me, my family and gf.\n\n\nTLDR; When should i tell i have a short overseas trip coming up? I did the interview already but i was never asked if  i had any upcoming unavailability.", "answer": "As soon as possible. If you've been hired, its because they assume you will be a good worker - no need to prove that you are. \n\nIf you wait, sure they might trust you more, but chances are they trust you already because they hired you. If you wait, you're also potentially making things harder for them , and they may wish that you had told them sooner.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8clkk", "comment_id": "eslwcvs"}, {"question": "Movies about Recovery", "description": "I watched the movie Flight last night, which is about a pilot that struggles with addiction and denial.  I found it to be a really great, inspiring movie.  It does have a lot of drinking in it, so if you are in early recovery, it may not be the best thing to watch.  I did on day 2 and it didn't really bother me too much (except seeing a Yuengling bottle, my poison of choice).  \nAre there any recovery movies that helped you all stay strong throughout yours?  ", "answer": "I saw the documentary Anonymous People a while back. It was phenomenal film. Chris Herron's 30 for 30 ungaurded is excellent for us sports fans.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1t0jvc", "comment_id": "ce35sw6"}, {"question": "The on again off again binge drinker", "description": "Hello all, 27 M here.\n\nI just discovered this sub reddit today and I'm hoping this community could be what I need. I don't have the support from any person to truly help.\n\nI have the parents that say \"Stop drinking\"... yea, big help. The Girlfriend who says \"We'll do it together\"....and doesn't follow through. The best friend and brother who say \"I need to quit already\"... and show up to my place with beers for the game.\n\nI've felt I've always had a strong will power but maybe not since I have been able to stop in the past but then fall back down. \n\nI decided I was going to be the forerunner for everyone. Quit smoking and drinking COLD TURKEY for 2 months. Everyone said if I could do it for a month they would join my quest. After 2 months and no support I lost hope and came back down to their level. It was disheartening that my efforts went unnoticed and I was truly alone on it. Slight depression hit and I gave in.\n\nI'm not an everyday drinker but if there is a big sports game to watch, some big event (concert), party, or even just going to the bar on the weekend I binge drink. Which pretty much turns into every other night of drinking. $100+ tabs a night every time. *(I don't want to turn that number into a pissing contest.)*\n\nI've come to the point I'm living week to week on paychecks. When I was once comfortable with finances. I know the AMAZING FEELING it is to be sober. I miss it. I want it. I'm having trouble getting it back.\n\nThere seems to be no middle ground with me when it comes to drinking. I agree with the expression \"Everything in moderation.\" but this is one thing I cannot do moderately. It's always over the top. Once I start it continues in my lifestyle.\n\nIt's not easy to do. Especially when all my friends use drinking as a focal point to going out and being social. I've gone out while sober with them for extended periods of time. I found I was out of the loop and not enjoying myself as much as everyone else. As sad as that is to say. I don't need booze to enjoy everything, it's that aspect of the lifestyle of going to bars to hang with friends. I'm also not going to stop being friends with them over it. They are great people.\n\nSo I became a shut-in when not drinking. It became easier to avoid any temptation of drinking but it kills my social life. It also hurts my relationship with my girlfriend when she wants to get out, but I know what that turns into.\n\nIt's either a \"ALL OR NOTHING\" type of situation for me. \n\nI've done it before. I can do it again. This time I just need to find how I can deal with being able to be social with all these drinkers without partaking in the drinking myself...and keep it up. Maybe even try to figure out how to moderate my drinking while being social but I just don't know how or know if I want to at all.\n\n**I'd greatly appreciate anyone's advice, opinion, and experiences with this.**\n\nThank you for taking the time to read this.\n\n\nThis sub reddit shouldn't use these but I'll give it anyways.\n\nTL;DR : I have the ability to quit, done it, yet failed on and off many times. Looking for ways to stay sober and socially active without the booze with heavy drinking friends.", "answer": "I think the biggest problem among binge drinkers trying to get sober is when they get some sobriety under their belt and reward themselves with a drink starting yet another binge. I started as a binger before becoming a daily drinker and I know exactly how you feel. I think what's important is to have an idea of what you want. Do you want to take an extended leave before coming back, do you want to quit drink entirely? \n\nI personally would recommend complete abstinence. Most of us alcoholics have found that no matter how long we stay sober if we go back it becomes just as bad as it was when we stopped before. \n\nYou definitely have one of the key markers of an alcoholic binge drinker in the no ability to moderate statement, so if I were you I'd look into some of the support groups for alcohol, those being AA, SMART, LifeRing, etc. \n\nLastly, if you do get involved with one of those groups or are thinking about, but unsure post here and we can offer you our experiences. \n\nGood luck and I hope to see you around.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq7hf", "comment_id": "cacpfmz"}, {"question": "Wow yay my brother threw up this morning!! (!!! kill me)", "description": "*Trigger Warning blahblahblah* - \nHe has a really bad coughing problem that he's been developing again (he had acid reflux and esophagitis as a child.) It's especially bad in the morning. Apparently he was coughing a ton and before he knew it he got sick. Of course now I'm freaking out, scared he's actually really ill and that I may catch it. Time for bland foods and anxiety attacks for the rest of the week!! Yay! I love this phobia! :( ", "answer": "My husband has thrown up from coughing hard a handful of times... if that's what your brother thinks it is, I'm sure that's what it is! You can relax!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "6d3b12", "comment_id": "dhzn6x6"}, {"question": "procrastinating", "description": "i\u2019m going into a really good college in a few months and i really want to do well. i have a hard time getting work done right away because i procrastinate until last minute. how can i manage my time better and stop procrastinating?", "answer": "Get a planner. I really like Passion Planners because they have both monthly and weekly breakdowns, and the weekly ones are also broken up by the hour. They also have lots of space for extra notes and little motivational quotes which is nice.\n\nSchedule EVERYTHING you need to do. Write it down in a specific time block, say, at 3:30pm on Wednesday you're going to work on your essay for 1 hour, for example. Stick with smaller time blocks - the longer I give myself, the more time I have to get distracted by stuff. I need the pressure of having a short deadline.\n\nBreak down big projects into smaller tasks that you can do one at a time. So for the essay example - I don't know your writing speed/style - you either say \"I'll start at 3:30 and have a bullet point outline done by 4:30\" or \"I'll start at 3:30 and have 2 paragraphs written by 4:30\". Pick something that's not only reasonable, but downright EASY for you to accomplish. Something you KNOW you can do no problem. That way you get the good feeling of having accomplished it, and heck maybe you'll go above and beyond your original goal in that hour, which feels awesome. \n\nSince you're going to college, write out your class schedule in your planner first. Then, for each day, block out some \"study time\" and DEDICATE that time to a specific class. Say you have Math on MWF at 1pm - schedule a Math Study Hour for, say, 2pm on Mondays and Wednesdays - the closer to class time the better so you can take what you just learned in the class and do homework, make study materials like flashcards or outlines, do readings in the textbook, or even just re-write your notes. \n\nMake sure EVERY class has this dedicated study time. It can be 1 hour or 2 1-hour periods or whatever works for you. But plan that shit ahead of time. Think of your day like a typical 9-5 workday. Fill every hour with class or study time, THEN at 5 or whenever you're done, you don't have to study anymore. \n\n​\n\n...also, don't be like me a few years ago and think you can schedule 8am classes on MWF and 11am classes on T-Th and think you get to sleep in every other day... that's how to guarantee your sleep cycle gets fucked and you start missing those MWF classes. Wake up around the same time every day, if you have extra time that's good Study Time.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8nh4o", "comment_id": "esokrlg"}, {"question": "Treating depression made my hyperactive symptoms worse?", "description": "So recently I\u2019ve been on a new depression med and it works great! The problem is that with more energy = bouncy legs, racing thoughts, twitching around etc. It hits worst when I\u2019m laying in bed trying to sleep, or at a bus station waiting or something. I thought I was mostly inattentive but now I\u2019m wondering if it\u2019s a mixed issue. It reminds me of someone saying that treating mental health can be like draining a clogged sink only to find dirty dishes at the bottom. The more control I have over my depression, the more clear my ADHD symptoms become. \n\nAnyone else deal with this?", "answer": "It\u2019s worth noting that some people can develop something known as akathisia when starting or stopping antidepressants or other medications. Akathisia is an internal sense of restlessness that creates a feeling of needing to move constantly as well as other symptoms that can look like anxiety. If it continues, you may wish to speak with your doctor. It all depends, of course, on whether or not the possible side effects are tolerable for you and if the benefits you\u2019re getting outweigh them.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "czhpfv", "comment_id": "ezl30ms"}, {"question": "[22/m]Unstable Relationship", "description": "Hey Guys,\n\nHonestly I don't really know where to start - this is my first time posting here and I don't know what to expect out of this. But I'll start with a little backstory:\n\nI started having feelings for this girl about 3 years ago when we were working together - she was 17, I was 19. I told her how I felt, and she basically said she'd rather be friends (I was also with someone at the time). We continued to work together, and became best friends about a year later. I stopped thinking of her as someone I really liked, and more as my best friend.\n\nThis summer while at a staff gathering she pulled my aside and told me that she liked me back then when I told her I did - but she wasn't ready. One thing led to another and I fell for her.... hard. We began a committed relationship July 27, and I couldn't have been happier. We had tons of time to hang out, and everything was fantastic. I was with the love of my life.\n\nSchool started and we were both super busy. She was stressed, and was new to relationships (this is/was her first one) I was understanding (to my knowledge) but she linked her stress with our relationship. She called me one morning and told me basically that she would rather hang out with her friends and make time for them, than me.. and that she just didn't want to have a boyfriend.\n\nI told her to take her time and think, and we talked later that day. She said she was being unreasonable and still loved me - and couldn't imagine being without me. She said she wouldn't do that again to me - and that she wouldn't be saying it if she didn't want to be with me for long term. Things were again great for about a month leading into today. She had been acting a bit distant - no more I love you's, so I asked her if everything was alright.\n\nShe said no - and she wanted to think about things (same thing as before). I called her, trying to figure out what was wrong and she said that her lifestyle just wasn't meant for a boyfriend, and that she doesn't think it's what she wants. The only thing that is making her not want to end it is the pain she'd cause me and the loss of her best friend.\n\nThe way I interpreted that is basically that she doesn't think that i'm worth making the effort of being in a relationship for anymore. And I understand that.. it's just her wording. Because she said she was still happy with me and everything that's going on. So I'm confused.\n\nShe is also going away to her friends university this weekend - and as much as I doubt she's doing this to have \"freedom\" while she's away it is in the back of my mind.\n\nBasically - I'm coming here almost knowing that i'm losing the love of my life and my best friend. All i'm looking for is the proper approach to the situation, and anything I should bring up when we finally talk. I don't want to keep her in something she doesn't want, nor something she isn't going to be happy with. \n\n**TL;DR**: Girlfriend said that she doesn't want a boyfriend -  and is stressed about our relationship for the second time as much as she is happy in it. This is her first relationship. Looking for advice/an approach to take when we talk.", "answer": "She doesn't want to have a boyfriend but she enjoys spending time with you. You have to accept it for what it is,   or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77n0j0", "comment_id": "don4b51"}, {"question": "\"You're not fun on your Adderall\"", "description": "I'm told I'm bland, lifeless, and most importantly not fun. It has now officially come to the point where every person I have dated seems to see my medicine as an enemy.\n\nIt has taken many years of crafting fake laughs, fake smiles, and fake enthusiasm to please those around me when I'm medicated. They want a bubbly version of me. They want the extrovert.\n\n\"Why don't u go off it?\" Because its my lifeline for completing tasks like a normal person.\n\"Why don't you do a lower dose?\" Because the lower the dose the less of an affect it has and the quicker it seems to wear off.\n\nI'm sad today because if I want to be 'fun' then I have to sacrifice my ability to function normally. Plus, the cuteness of my clumsiness, loud remarks, and forgetfulness only lasts so long before you will only become frustrated with me.", "answer": "Although I haven't had it to this extreme I've experienced similar.  Before I started taking Adderall I was a lot more impulsive and drank way too much.  Since I started taking it, one of the noticeable and unexpected differences for me is I can actually very easily drink in moderation and know when to cut myself off.  \n\n\nI've had a couple of friends say things like \"I don't want to lose the old you just because you're taking the medication\" and get frustrated when I say I'm done drinking well before I'm hyper, loud, and obnoxious drunk. \n\n\nIf we were all still in our 20's, I might feel differently than I do and think \"ya know what, maybe I need to cut loose a little more\".  Being almost 33, I don't really feel the need or desire to party like I'm in college any more, at least nowhere near as often.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cg7zw9", "comment_id": "eug5mw8"}, {"question": "Quick Question: I have No Feelings for Animals Whatsoever, What Might This Mean?", "description": "I don't have a history of bad experiences with animals. I don't feel this way towards humans. \n\nAnimal cruelty or torture does not have the effect on me as it seems to have on other people. Seeing a video of a person being murdered makes me upset, sad, horrified, and all that, but the same done to an animal provokes no special feeling.\n\nWhat gives? Where should I go for answers? Is this even a big deal? ", "answer": "I don't think I've ever seen videos of animal abuse, so I don't know how it would make me feel.  I like animals and I've owned animals and treated them well, but I don't have nearly the compassion that most of reddit seems to have.  \n  \nI think that the most compassionate and \"right\" feelings are voted up by the majority, creating a false consensus effect on how people feel about animals.  I see stuff like \"I'd choose my dog over my boyfriend any day!\" and just think \"well that's weird.\" and I DO think it's weird- I don't think it really represents the majority of the world.  To most people, animals are animals.  Not people.  \n  \nI don't think anything is wrong with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "1t008v", "comment_id": "ce2z5se"}, {"question": "Obsession with being forgotten", "description": "Hello, I'm a 25 years old male. It's my first post on this sub. If im breaking any rules, sorry in advance. I'm not trying to be edgy, my only goal is to find the problem and fix it.\n\n10 years ago, I tried to break-up with my ex gf and it resulted with her suicide attempt. At first, I felt terrible, prayed for her non-stop and stayed in the hospital until she recovered. However, as soon as she recovered(the moment she step outside of hospital), I lost all of my interest towards her and her suicide gave me a great sense of importance (exp: I'm so important for her, she rather die than living without me.) Ever since then, I'm obsessed with being forgotten.\n\nA month ago, I ended a long-term relationship and had to do some cleaning on my phone and laptop(She and i had thousands of pics,vids together). Although i was being exposed to our past memories, I've never felt a thing. She even tried to get back together but i refused because I'm way happier without her. However, I was looking for some notes for my up coming exam and i came across to her profile in one of our mutual study groups. She seemed to getting over me and that terribly upset me and it got me thinking, I have no positive or negative feeling towards her, but the idea of her getting over me is unbearable. Then i remembered, even though i was in a very happy relationship with her, i always checked my ex gf's profiles to see if they're getting over me or not. I still have obsessive ex's that still text me and try to get in touch with me although im ignoring them for years, however when they stop trying to contact with me for a month or so, I feel awful, even tho their obsession with me makes my love life miserable and harder. I have no intention to be with them but whenever they hopelessly get in touch with me I get  a sort of 'high' out of it.(really hard to explain, like a adrenaline rush. Even makes me dizzy for a short period of time).\n\nI know it's not love but i can't find a reason why im obsessed with such thing. Is there something wrong with me or it's a normal thing everyone experiences?\n\nSorry for the grammar errors and typo's. English is not my native language.", "answer": "Most things are normal and it depends on the level of effect the thing is having on your life.  If it\u2019s distressing and impacting your life negatively then it\u2019s probably something you want to go unpack with a therapist. There can be attachment needs that we are trying to get met and sometimes we go about it in a way that isn\u2019t helping and is in fact causing more problems for us.  So while you don\u2019t seek the ex\u2019s who get in touch you do get something out of it (feel good and feel important, get attention) and may reinforce their behaviour in some way because of the high you get. Because totally! We feel good when we get attention, when we feel like we matter to people, and when we feel wanted. So even though the way you\u2019re getting the need met isn\u2019t the favourable one and is causing some distress, it does serve a purpose. \n\n\nDo you feel that your wanting to be important to someone has influenced the type of girl/woman you\u2019re or have been attracted to? Are they ones that feed the need over the top/intense (where it was more obsessive as you said)? The intensity could feel really good to you as it\u2019s sooo much feeling of love, want, need, and makes you feel even more that you matter to them.  Feeds the need yet the intensity is a warning sign they will be too attached which leads to difficulties and the end of the relationship.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "edn6z3", "comment_id": "fblvdku"}, {"question": "I'm (25/f) trying for a baby with my SO (28/m). I'm worried he wont be a hands on dad.", "description": "Me and my partner are trying for a baby. we've been doing it for a few months but haven't been successful yet. My SO is amazing. He's caring, kind, and considerate. But he can be lazy when it comes to home stuff. \n\nHe works shifts doing 12 hour day and night shifts. He does get a lot of time off though but spends most of it on his PC or sleeping. He doesn't cook meals and will begrudgingly do the dishes once a week if i beg him to. This worries me when we are faced with being parents. We live on our own. My family are 100 miles away, his family is over 200 miles away. We have next to no support network where we live and I'm worried his laziness is going to leave me frazzled. \n\nWhenever I approach the topic he always says hes going to step up when the baby arrives but thats hard to believe when he cant leave the wet towels in the bathroom. ", "answer": "Babies only cause extra stress-- they don't magically change someone's behavior. In fact, having a baby usually only exacerbates problems that already exist. 67% of couples who have a baby describe their relationship as worse off after having a baby. (John Gottman, Baby Makes Three, 2008). Fix your relationship BEFORE a baby comes, because having one will not fix the issues that are currently there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20j8oy", "comment_id": "cg3smqm"}, {"question": "Taking very long poops", "description": "I'm not officially diagnosed yet but I have been referred to a psych by my doc. Ever since I was a kid I have always taken at least a minimum of 25 mins and at the longest 1 hour to poop. I just sat there and played my gameboy or something (I currently have replaced that with reddit). I was just wondering of you guys take super long poops like me? ", "answer": "Yup. I get on reddit/Facebook/emails and stay there so long my leg falls asleep. Just total space cadet", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2dp08w", "comment_id": "cjse76e"}, {"question": "Could I be developing psychosis?", "description": "Last year, I started college and lived in a one-person suite. I\u2019m a bit on the shyer side, so I didn\u2019t make very many friends, and I eventually developed depression and my anxiety got worse. I did become considerably more isolated, and I didn\u2019t have anything to do but to think and think. I eventually started having existential thoughts like never before, and I would be consumed by these thoughts and couldn\u2019t fathom how we came into existence. Then I read somewhere on reddit about the simulation theory, and I started believing we lived in a simulation, and was constantly scared by that thought. \n\nAbout a year later, I live with 4 people and I\u2019m friends with all of my roommates and we hang out a lot together. I also socialize with my high school friends a lot, and I\u2019ve made a lot more friends. I still have depression and anxiety, but I\u2019m seeing a therapist now and I\u2019ve gotten considerably better. However, I had a bad weed trip a few days ago and experienced a sort of weed-induced psychosis where I started thinking about existence again and started trying to connect it with the government and it scared me into having a panic attack. I\u2019m better now, but it\u2019s making me think I might be developing psychosis.", "answer": "No.  \n\nPeople who are depressed experience a range of distressing thoughts, some of which may question our existence, what's the purpose, etc.  \n\nLay off the drugs, though.  If, by chance, there is a genetic predisposition for a psychotic disorder, substance use may increase the likelihood of its eventual manifestation.  Also, if your parents are okay, I'd rest assured.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "egkghz", "comment_id": "fc77ahy"}, {"question": "Rant: Can we stop fighting with each other about who has it worse? An open letter to this sub", "description": "So. Before you read this \\- if you even read this \\- full disclosure: I was a little bit upset and am wrote this for catharsis not that long ago after being told by a few people in this sub that my ADHD experiences aren't valid. This was for myself, but I decided to post this in case someone has experienced something similar.\n\nBecause I am posting this to r/ADHD:\n\nTl;Dr: \n\n* Every single one of us has been 'blessed' with a set of challenges, and just because someone is good at hiding those challenges from you or chooses not to divulge, doesn't mean they don't have their own obstacles to overcome;\n* Every single one of us is responsible for own behavior, and for managing our disorders \\- officially diagnosed or not \\- regardless of the cause;\n* I repeat: Even if this is \"who we are\", it is just the \"way our brains are wired\" and  \"not our fault\",  this does not absolve us of responsibility for our actions nor does it excuse us from trying to better ourselves;\n* ADHD symptoms are diverse \\- just because somebody talks about a specific experience or difficulty does not mean that they don't experience other symptoms, nor does it mean that they \"don't actually have ADHD\";\n\nDear r/ADHD:\n\n  \nWhen I first saw you, it was love at first sight. I am now 30 years old, and have only been officially diagnosed for a little bit more than a year, but my psychologist that I was seeing for anxiety had been spending months trying to convince me that I had ADHD. And, similar to someone trying to set me up on a blind date, M felt that you and I would have connection, and that I would be able to relate to all your stories and experiences. So I reluctantly agreed to meet you for a coffee date. And she was right. I fell in love, and I thought I finally found someone who understood the \"real me\".\n\nListening to your stories and advice, I couldn't actually believe that my reality wasn't the neurotypical experience! You sympathized when I blew up at my family *yet again* and reminded me that it's not my fault! ADHD is an executive functions disorder, and it's *normal* for us to go from 0\\-60 in an instant. We get stuck in these loops! You sympathized when I missed paying my bills. Or when I almost lost my job. You even helped me come to terms as to why I dropped out of university. I won't go into too much detail, but you gave me confidence. You made me feel like I could do more, be more.\n\nAfter I came up with a treatment plan, no small thanks to you, I continued to come visit and would try to help others that were not sure of their diagnosis. And for awhile, things were great! I would ask questions about how other people were dealing with certain symptoms, provide some feedback on techniques that worked for me \\(super simplified non\\-fancy bullet journal, you are awesome for me!\\) and ones that did not \\(Pomodoro Technique \\- I tried, I really tried... but you just brought me way too much stress\\), and try to provide words of comfort where I could. Things started to become dark though. \n\nThe transition was slow, almost imperceptible, but I slowly started noticing that whenever I would come visit, I would leave in a bad mood. I would comment on how I tried this organizational technique and it worked for me and to make it simpler by removing this, or how that technique did not work for me because it was too complicated, or how motivation IS hard, but that there are some small hacks that can cut the edge off. Like rewarding yourself \\(Note: A bribe is NOT a reward. Bribes do not work. Rewards can.\\). Like telling yourself to just start, and you can stop after a minute. Or by figuring out what you CAN do that will get you closer to your goal, but doesn't seem to hard. \\(I don't want to go to the gym, but I guess I COULD put on my shoes. Or pack my bag\\). Instead of being supportive or offering your perspective, you would started to berate me. You would tell me that society just isn't built for people like me and that I needed to accept that I will never be more than my diagnosis. That other people had to adapt to my short comings, because I have a disability. Or my favorite? If I had JUST been born in the hunter\\-gatherer society, I would be revered, but because I am born in this day and age, I am not worthy. While this might be true, I am pretty sure that I would have been killed by a bear with how \"in my own head\" I can be. The sad part? I started to believe you. I started to believe that I was entitled to people adapting around my limitations. I started to believe that I needed to accept that I would never really achieve anything because I didn't have the attention span nor the ability to do anything meaningful. \n\nThen you made me feel like I didn't belong. \n\nNow, this next part is on me: I stopped sharing my experiences with you. \n\nI didn't see the point in telling you about how I almost offended a client by blurting something out that was very inappropriate. Or how I forgot my cell phone on a plane. Or even how I put my assigned work laptop on the concrete next to the driver side door while packing up the rental car. I was leaving the clients site after a long week and trying to make my flight. In my haste, I drove off. Meaning, yes, I left a $3,000 laptop on a curb in a parking lot and flew back home halfway across the world. Yeah... the bosses weren't so understanding on that one. I didn't feel the need to share, because I figured out with the support of my family how to mitigate that. And honestly? I'm still embarrassed. \n\nBut I would still read posts on organizational techniques, because that is still something I have trouble with.\n\nI don't know if you were trying to get a rise out of me, I don't know if you were in a dark place yourself, but on one such organization post, you told me that although I technically might have ADHD because I forget things, people with *real* ADHD have issues with prioritization and motivation, not working memory, and if this helps me, it's because I don't actually have ADHD, or my ADHD is so mild it is inconsequential. You then quoted Dr. Barkley about how people with ADHD are not stupid, and that we should stop treating them as if they were. I was upset, but I thought that this was perhaps a one\\-time thing.\n\nI learned it was not.\n\nI started coming around with another account, and mostly lurked. That is when your dark side really became apparent. People complaining and not taking responsibility for their actions or expecting other to fix their messes, people invalidating my or other people's experiences whenever whenever someone dared to contradict, or offer a suggestion. People putting other people down, or even telling them that they didn't belong on this sub because the could not possibly have ADHD. \n\nAt what point did this become a contest about who has it worse? Why do we feel like we feel like we have the right to judge and tear each other down, especially here?\n\nNow, most of us are not like this, but unfortunately, it's the ones you wish you could forget that you remember the most.\n\nThe truth is. Maybe you are who you've always been. Maybe I am the one who changed.\n\nI then realized something: I am confident in my diagnosis. I am confident that my psychologist, my psychiatrist and my family have it right.\n\nAlso: Despite what you were saying, I know that although that ADHD IS a part of me, **I am so much more than just someone with ADHD.** I am an intellectual, and I love gaining knowledge. Even before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I would read at least two books a month. I am a creator, and I love bringing new ideas and insights to light using data. I am a loving wife who regularly makes her husband laugh after a long day. I am an adventure\\-lover who loves taking off into the wild for a weekend with friends. I am a mother to a fur\\-baby who acts as if her world revolves around me, because it does. I am a data scientist \\- a dream you said there is now way I would ever achieve because it would require too much focus. And yes, I am also someone with ADHD.\n\nI will be damned if I LET you define who I am, or how I should be.\n\nC\n\n**Edit: Guys, I'm overwhelmed. But in a good way!!**\n\nAfter I wrote this post, I turned my notifications off after the first comment rolled in and was shocked when I turned on Reddit this morning on the train. I assumed that nobody would read this, or that I would be downvoted to oblivion. I will properly respond to everyone once I'm at a computer.", "answer": "It breaks my heart a little seeing how negative people can be about their diagnosis. I have never been personally attacked, I try to give advice where I can.  I\u2019ve not only dealt with this my entire life, both unmedicated and medicated, but I\u2019m in the last stretch of my psych phd so experience + a ridiculous amount of studying. \n\nIt sucked sitting in a classroom listening to how people with my diagnosis (adhd combined type severe\u2014though it\u2019s gotten significantly better hyperactivity wise in the last three years) are basically fucked. That\u2019s what the research says. But what\u2019s funny is that in my actual day to day life, I have yet to meet someone with adhd who isn\u2019t succeeding/doing something they enjoy etc. \n\nSo yeah it makes me really sad when people post just shitting all over themselves are their chance at success because of their DX.  But I\u2019ve stopped trying to help those people because honestly they don\u2019t seem to want it. If you are sure you aren\u2019t going to succeed in this world, you won\u2019t. Adhd makes shit harder, I also know my different way of thinking makes me a valuable team member (as long as the team is okay with shit happening last minute).  Our brains are spider webs, and it takes time and routine and strategy and tears and failures and trying new things and mother fucking grit, but we can learn how to be bad ass spiders whose moves are disciplined and deliberate rather than flies caught in our own webs. \n\nAt 6 I was diagnosed with adhd, And also with dysgraphia, which\u2014fun fact\u2014was the rarest of all LD\u2019s accounting for only 4% of all LD diagnoses (they use different language now for that too).  I was fortunate though, my IQ is kinda ridiculous. So!  My parents told me I didn\u2019t have LD or ADHD though, they actively denied it, but expected me to perform at my IQ level. All my symptoms were seen as laziness. They ruined learning for me for a long time. The thing I heard the most was \u201cif you had actually tried, you would have done better.\u201d  \n\nI had issues socializing. My grades sucked, I couldn\u2019t focus enough to do homework\u2014and then I stopped because if I was going to fail anyway what was the point of trying. And then things changed the first time my friend gave me one of her adderall, and I started using them for big projects/papers and what do you know\u2014my grades went up. I was a straight A student in college, finally got my own script at 22 when I found and read the report from the first time I was tested and diagnosed (did I mention there were two more times?  Yeah).  Things changed for the better. \n\nAnd then after five years I started abusing my meds and long story short took 14 months off of them. Even though it fucking sucked, I learned the discipline I needed and still got A\u2019s in the two semesters of my phd program. Then shit got real and I had to go back on them because I CAN write a paper without my meds, I just didn\u2019t have the extra time to do it slowly. \n\nI haven\u2019t paid my rent on time in a year, I refuse to have a credit card because I know I\u2019ll forget to pay it, I have also lost a laptop\u2014and almost lost two others but realized and went back, i once lost the same homework assignment three fucking times (handwritten), I have zero short term memory but a crazy detailed long term memory, I have very little control over my mouth in social settings, I have accidentally called therapy clients \u201cbro\u201d, I have to leave the snooze button on to make sure I get out of the house on time otherwise I swear I just fucking time travel....\n\nI know I\u2019m lucky being smart, it means I can brute force my way through a lot of things. But this phd program.... it takes a lot more than smart to be successful. I had to learn how to be a good student. And sometimes are better than others... for example I played video games BEFORE starting my report and now it\u2019s 3am and whoops!  I knew better, I did it anyway. Like you said, rewards not bribes lol. \n\nAnyway, I\u2019m sorry you\u2019ve had this negative experience. I love hearing from other people who are figuring this shit out ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "8nalcg", "comment_id": "dzvaztt"}, {"question": "Struggling to find a therapists in network and feeling just so lost and alone, advice appreciated!", "description": "Hi, everyone, I actually just joined Reddit to find a community to help me with this issue. I have  hit a wall lately and I need some help with what I think may be depression stemming from communication issues within in a relationship (I don't actually know what is wrong to be honest which is why I am trying to find help). The process of trying to find someone  has been awful and I have never felt so lost and alone before.\n\nAbout three months ago I realized I needed to get serious about this problem and seek out the help of a therapist. My boyfriend of 5 years would like to take part in this process with me as we struggle with communication and it is the root of a lot of problems. He acknowledges that we would both benefit from this process together. We live in a very expensive state in the US and while I am lucky to have a good job, I don't have much of an expendable income left over to pay for a therapist out of pocket after my monthly rent and bills. My health insurance will cover 80% of the cost of therapy which is why I need to stay in-network. I have been using my insurance provider finder tool and psychology today to research therapists in my city that are within my network, but I cannot seem to find anyone who is accepting new clients. I have been searching in my free time (breaks and evenings) for the past three months and have been repeatedly told time and time again that, \"sorry, I am not taking new clients at this time.\" I started this process so hopeful and I have now resorted to crying after each rejection. I feel like we are becoming more desperate for help but there is no one to help us that we can afford.\n\nWe have looking at MFT but have exhausted the resources in my network (all rejections unfortunately). We looked at out of network options, but really can't afford the per session rates being advertised. What else can we be doing? Where else should we be looking? Are we narrowing ourselves too much by looking at MFT? We aren't religious, so faith based therapy is not a good fit for us.\n\nOn a separate note, this has caused me to do some in-depth research into why I am having an issue finding a therapist in-network. I am really beginning to understand how going through our insurance is holding me back, I just can't afford this without it; it feels like a painful catch-22.", "answer": "You don't need to go to an MFT for couple's counseling.  Licensed Psychologists, Licensed Professional Counselors, and Licensed Clinical Social Workers can all provide marital/couple's counseling.  They're just as trained as LMFT's and probably easier to find.  \n\n\nYour other option is to find larger agencies in your area that accept your insurance.  Many of them won't advertise on psychologytoday.  One way is to type mental health therapy into google maps in your area and research which companies pop up and call them to see if they take your insurance.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "buxy5b", "comment_id": "epj757d"}, {"question": "Almost made it through christmas", "description": "I'm about 2.5 weeks sober and I made it through a Christmas eve party with a bunch of friends and now I'm almost through a small christmas gathering with my sister and her fiance. I decided to not fly home to be with my immediate and extended family, as I knew the temptations would be greater. It's hardly felt like Christmas but at least I made it through without drinking. \n\nSo glad to be able to check in with you all. Hope everyone else had some success getting through the holidays.", "answer": "Awesome to see your dedication is greater than you fear of being uncomfortable in New decisions. What a great start to your work towards a better life. Woot!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y8pya", "comment_id": "cybhag6"}, {"question": "Best friend doesn't trust me with certain things", "description": "I have a good friend who I have known for years now. We got into the same argument over and over and I acted rashly and now they said they do not rely on me anymore and do not trust me with things when they are not a feeling the best, which is what leads to fights to begin with. I am not sure how to fix this issue. Thoughts?", "answer": "Significantly reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of your rash acts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7hp6", "comment_id": "dhkmkgl"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure my bf has an interest in males", "description": "He been throwing hits here and there and I'm not sure what to do? Should I confront him? ignore it?leave him? I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about it\n\nEdit: I came across a few messages a year ago and a few months ago about him making plans to  meet another guy for a sexual relationship I'm positive it's a guy (been together for 7 years)", "answer": "Are you exclusive?\n\nIf no, there's nothing to confront. \nIf yes, are you willing to trust him?\n   - if yes, relax. \n   - if no, then you can tell him that you're scared and ask him if he'll talk to you about it. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqx2h", "comment_id": "dj8fp6b"}, {"question": "My good feelings are starting to feel as if they are flattening out.", "description": "I know it's all a part of the process.  I know it's something I have to go through.  I just hate the negative thoughts.  And I'm eating everything.  I feel as if I'm starting to get a little down.  \n\n​\n\nAlthough, I'm really proud of today that I didn't drink.  I'm really proud that I haven't had a drink or even craved much at all.  \n\n​\n\nI don't know.  :/\n\nMaybe I'll feel better tomorrow.\n\n​\n\nGoodnight SD.", "answer": "I felt this too... i found mindfulness helpful. See www.themindfulnessapp.com... its simple and free and a good place to start if this interested you.\n\nStick with it... i'm 6 months in now and its getting so much easier.\n\nIwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9sknv3", "comment_id": "e8prrwg"}, {"question": "Metformin as a muscle relaxer?", "description": "Greetings all, I (21M) had a question which just struck me after doing some internet searches. I recently went to the doctor to get a checkup about some hip/sciatic nerve pain that I\u2019ve had for months now. The doctor prescribed me a steroid, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer to take at night before bed. I\u2019m not worried about the first to but the Metformin (the doctor claimed is the muscle relaxer) however when I look up Metformin it says it\u2019s a anti-diabetic medicine. I don\u2019t really see anything about it being a type of muscle relaxer. I have never been told about diabetes and as far as I know I do not have diabetes (my grandpa has diabetes and he did a test for me months ago and said as far as he can tell I seem to be alright).  \n  \nI just want to know if the medicine I was prescribed is correctly prescribed as a muscle relaxer or if it\u2019s incorrectly prescribed? Thanks!", "answer": "I wonder if this was supposed to be metaxolone (Skelaxin) or meloxicam (Mobic) and got messed up somewhere.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7qemg", "comment_id": "fif4ykf"}, {"question": "Where can I snag a lifelike mannequin for body language instruction and to practice different hand shakes etc. ?", "description": "Hello fellow 2013-ers! I am looking for a life-sized mannequin to practice body language techniques with. Things like moving fingers and rotating shoulders would be helpful, but at the very least, I'd like it if they were slightly alterable. Amazon has some fiberglass ones but they aren't very movable and the shipping over there is a bitch. Can you think of some stores where I can find one?", "answer": "A mannequin might be overkill. Why not just practice making expressions in the mirror?\n\nOr, if you want to practice recognizing expressions/postures, watch a movie/tv show and see what the actors are doing?\n\nThis [body language guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/body-language) also gives a few good tips for practicing that don't require the purchase of a mannequin :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "15ur86", "comment_id": "c7q5elp"}, {"question": "Zoloft...", "description": "Was just prescribed Zoloft. Had a hellish experience on Celexa about a month ago that landed me in the ER Twice...\n\nAny positive experiences on Zoloft? No negatives please, my brain will run wild. Thank you in advance ", "answer": "Zoloft has been one of the best meds I've ever taken for OCD.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4ziz68", "comment_id": "d6wf8qv"}, {"question": "Why do people self diagnose ?", "description": "I saw this post on r/tumblr of someone self diagnosing themselves with all sorts of illnesses. \n\nAfter the anger subsided. It made me wonder. Honestly, why do people selfdx? Is it a trend? I notice people tend to self diagnose with certain illnesses more often then others (anxiety, autism(?)) how do they come up with the diagnosis in the first place? \n\nThose who do self diagnose- how has it helped you? Why haven't you sought a psychiatric or psychological assessment? How do you seek treatment without official diagnoses? \n\nEdit: although lots of down voting, I really appreciate everyone that posted some really interesting and valid things. Mental health awareness and access to services seem to be a big issue all over the world, whether health care is paid, free, whether your in a developed or developing nation. Those in rural areas are also greatly affected. We tend to focus on the \"attention seeking self diagnosers\" (myself included) instead of looking at the overarching global problem!  Thanks again to everyone and wishing you all the best", "answer": "Simply put, self-diagnoses put labels on symptoms that people don't understand. When they're able to label it, they think they understand it better, and can then treat it better.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68a1gp", "comment_id": "dgxiotu"}, {"question": "I think I have depression, but I'm not sad at all. I'm just mentally and physically exhausted all the time.", "description": "19, male, 5 foot 11, 125 pounds, White British, 5+ years, England, depression maybe?, about to start Effexor (venlafaxine).\n\nAs you can tell by this information I am underweight, I just can't muster the energy to eat.\n\nMy mind is foggy, I can't think, my body aches.\n\nI don't feel sad, I am just tired 24/7 and it's driving me crazy.\n\nI've been on 3 different SSRIs, Zoloft, Prozac and Citalopram. None of them seemed to help me, though Zoloft may have helped bring some colour and clarity back at some point.\n\nI had a blood test for vitamins, minerals, organ function and thyroid. There were no significant deficiencies.\n\nCould I have a sleep disorder? Sleep apnoea perhaps?\n\nI want to be sure before I commit to a serious SNRI like Effexor, I am terrified of losing my sex drive forever or something else equally awful.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "If you have a loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities and decreased energy, then you can be diagnosed with depression. Nevertheless id be ensuring that other common medical conditions are excluded prior to antidepressant use, which seems to have happened. Also given that you had some response to sertraline means that they're probably on the right track.\n\nWhat doses to your antidepressants did you get up to?\n\nEdit: if your sex drive is affected, it wont be permanent, but you should tell the doc. We're not here to torture you with the medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5gqe6u", "comment_id": "daunj5t"}, {"question": "28f with a 36m boyfriend who stonewalls me. I'm near my wits end with this crap.", "description": "Hello community, \nI'm seeking some insight into what my options are for working on my communication issues with my boyfriend. We have been together for a year. He is a teacher (dealing with burnout) and I am a therapist in training. It has come out recently that he has some mixed feelings about my profession. The main thing that seems to bother him is that I like to communicate about feelings. He doesn't like to share his feelings with me. He has been opening up more about his loving feelings. But when he is upset, frustrated or sad he totally shuts down. I pretty much share all of my feelings, so when I share when I am feeling anxious, sad or frustrated he also shuts down. It makes me feel very lonely and unsure if this relationship is going to work for me in the long-run. I love him. I love to travel and go on adventures with him. When things are good they are really good. But I have found that any mention on my part about things not being \"goooood\" sends him into a drawn out episode of silent brooding that I have no insight into-because he will not talk to me.\nThe reason why breaking up hasn't come up is because when things are good, we openly talk about committing to each other long-term. But I must say that this communication issue is causing me to have some doubts. I have suggested that we seek some couples counseling and that seems to also cause him to go into one of his stonewalling fits. I don't think he has yet to give me a solid answer as to whether or not he would be open to going to a counselor with me. \nSo what do ya'll think? Should I give up and move on? Is there something that I am missing here? Hmmmmm....\n\nSmall Update: My boyfriend agreed a few days ago to be available to have a phone conversation about our communication dynamics on Saturday (yesterday). He tried to pull some shit and told me over facebook that his phone was \"missing.\" I called BS on that one and called him on facebook LOL. He was shocked but he took the call. Anyway, instead of bringing up what I was talking with him about earlier this week I explained to him some of the communication dynamics I was noticing between us and I asked him if he had any ideas for how to remedy them. He surprised me by suggesting that we arrange to have a weekly check-in. So right now we are going to make time every Sunday afternoon to have a serious conversation about how our communication is going. I feel good about trying this out. I'll keep everyone updated about how it goes. Thanks for your suggestions. ", "answer": "If you can afford it, find a Gottman certified marriage therapist (obvs don't have to be married)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ykoz6", "comment_id": "dmocktn"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stop talking 20mg of Escitalopram cold turkey?", "description": "* 23 years old\n* Male\n* 6 foot\n* 105kg\n* White Australian\n* Stopped talking my 20mg Lexapro prescription 3 days ago\n* NSW Australia\n* Clinical depression, anxiety and ADHD\n* 20mg Lexapro\n\n  \nSo I stopped taking my normal dose of 20mg of Lexapro 3 days ago, am feeling weird side affects (which are apparently normal), and I just wanted some advice on whether or not this could be potentially dangerous. I want to get off my antidepressants, but did not consult my doctor, I just went cold turkey. Is this safe? Should I start taking them again? Thanks :)", "answer": "Not dangerous \u2014 unless your depressive symptoms return. Gradual taper is preferred. (I\u2019m a psychiatrist.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bkhaxh", "comment_id": "emlczf6"}, {"question": "Is my boyfriend going to cheat on me/ should I abandon the relationship altogether?", "description": "Okay, so I'm in a really tricky situation here and I'm not sure what to do... so the obvious reaction is to take to the internet for help ;)\n\nMy boyfriend [22] of a year and a half has, shall we say, a wandering eye. He is constantly stalking girls he has slept with/ got with on Facebook and Instagram. Last week I found out when he went out he ended up alone with a random girl, who added him on Facebook. He then told me that he had been looking at her profile a lot (practically every day since it happened) and clicking through 100's of pictures. He has assured me that nothing happened, that he was drunk and flattered by the attention.\n\nHowever I recently found out he cheated in his previous relationship of 3 years. He told me it was just a drunken kiss on a night out. He said it happened when he was 19, and has now grown up. Bear in mind I found this out through a friend of his, the first time I heard about it from him was when I confronted him about it.\n\nAnyway, I can't help feeling super anxious about this. Pair the fact that he has a history of cheating, with intensely stalking other girls, and ending up alone with them on nights out and I feel so.. paranoid (I hate that word, but yeah). I already suffer from quite serious depression and anxiety, so I can't say how much of this is a result of my mental health and how much of it is me being realistic.\n\nAm I being totally out of order/ getting into crazy girlfriend territory or do you think I have a reason to be concerned? I want to move on and forgot about the past cheating and current online stalking but I can't help having doubts in the back of my mind. ", "answer": "Get out of this; he doesn't want what you want", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60fn66", "comment_id": "df601j9"}, {"question": "Increasing Potassium", "description": "With a potassium level of 3.1mmol I was trying to increase my daily intake with bananas and coconut water. \n\nI did 150% of RDA or so in those for 3/4 days. \n\nMy levels are now 3.7mmol. \n\nHaving some pvcs I\u2019m keen to get it back over 4. \n\n\nI haven\u2019t been sick so not sure why it got so low. \n\nIs this rate of increase normal?", "answer": "A very rough guide is that 400 mg of potassium will increase your blood level by about 0.1 mmol/L. I'm unaware of any RDA for potassium, but if you went a gram or so extra per day then increasing by 0.6 mmol/L total seems about right.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y97yu", "comment_id": "e293h9t"}, {"question": "At a risk of mental illness/suicide?", "description": "My mom has tried to commit suicide several times during her life. Once I was like eight and I witnessed the cut on her wrists while she had attempted to take her life. I still remember. While my grandmother had her own history of strange behaviour.\n\nMy sister (16) is in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend and her friends told me they saw light self harm scars.\n\nNone of them have been diagnosed with anything as mental health is a taboo here. I am 18. If there a history of mental illness/suicide in my family, does that mean I will have this kind of behaviour too? And whoever comes after me?\n\nTo be honest, I have been having bad thoughts too...", "answer": "That's a tricky question.\n\nResearch does show that folks who experience some of those things in their homes (even if it's not them going through it) may be at a higher risk for developing mental health concerns. There is a HUGE study on this by Kaiser Permanente: it's called the ACE study. Look it up if you like.\n\nThe important takeaway those is that these are correlations, NOT causations. Just because that happens in someone's family doesn't mean that person is going to through it too. It's more complex than that. One might say that you may be more sensitive or predisposed to experience some mental health issues because of what you've experienced. \n\nThat's why self-care and doing your own work can be so important. You can learn from the experiences of your family members to avoid getting caught in some of the same situations that led to those mental health concerns.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkiwgn", "comment_id": "f4g2l65"}, {"question": "Tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nI am new to the sub, but I am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. It gives me hope I haven't had in a long time. A little background about me:\n\nI have PTSD due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. Many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what was going on. He raped me while he was drunk, and when I tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where I slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. I also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. There is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.\n\nI am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. I am very grateful to have my husband, but I know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and I have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.\n\nUnfortunately, though I have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. I was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to AA? I would really appreciate any insights you all have.\n\nKeep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here.", "answer": "If you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer Employee Assistance Programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions.  If your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy.  \n\nRAAIN is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches.  If you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable.  \n\nThere are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative.  Anything by Brene Brown is great for this, I also frequently recommend The Body Keep the Score (I have no relationship to either author, I just find their work to be good and solidly research based).  If you have a local library card, apps like Libby and Hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).\n\nAnd if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit).  You might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc.  It sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.\n\nIf you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/)\n\nI hope you find some good support in the meantime, and I hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "e4a10en"}, {"question": "[m22] How can I build a relationship with my family?", "description": "Hello Reddit, I was hoping if I can get some advise on building a stronger relationship with my family (mom, dad, sibling etc.) For a very long time I was always the person that would be seen in he corner of the room alone not because people didn't like me, but because I never felt like anyone wanted me so even around family I isolated myself. I would consider myself to be a very soft spoken and easy going person and when I do open myself I always seem to attract people, but I don't feel like I really connect with anyone and it's beginning to really hurt. I have a very loving family and I have a good relationship with a women that loves me more then I deserve, but I don't feel anything inside and I just don't understand it! Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you...", "answer": "i would contact one family member with who you have the greatest likelihood of re-connecting.  meet for coffee, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xjxs9", "comment_id": "deio231"}, {"question": "Metoprolol succinate 12.5", "description": "25 yo female taking 12.5 mg once daily for palpitations. I was on 25mg up until October when my doctor allowed me to cut my dose in half. Over the past few months I have been experiencing weight gain, hair loss, and general fatigue. Are these normal side effects?\n\nI am thinking of stopping metoprolol but I know quitting cold turkey is usually not recommended. Is 12.5mg a small enough dose where quitting cod turkey would be ok? ", "answer": "Fatigue and lowered mood are possible side effects. Weight gain would be unusual, and hair loss extremely so. What you're describing could be an endocrine problem like hypothyroidism. Has that been tested?\n\n12.5 mg is half a tablet, right? That's the lowest dose, and almost certainty safe to discontinue. It would be hard to find a lower dose to take without special formulation by a compounding pharmacy!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a264k", "comment_id": "dwvagbb"}, {"question": "Anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something I either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "It's like I have the thought of doing in my mind and I'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! I now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore. \n\nI think it's partly because I don't want them thinking I did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "I started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now I thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. Lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "gde342i"}, {"question": "How likely is Tricuspid valve stenosis picked up from chest xray?", "description": "Hi, I was diagnosed with tricuspid valve stenosis  when i was around 17 and the Doctor said it was very minor and will only need treatment/operation 20,30 years down the line, he used Electrocardiograph to determine this and I recall him saying it was difficult to pick up. \n\nRecently I had to get a chest x-ray as part of a medical for a job and im wondering how likely is it for them to pick it up? Would it be plain as day or quite difficult to tell if they didnt know I already had it. ", "answer": "Difficult. An excellent radiologist might pick up findings and suspect it, but a plain radiograph isn't going to give a definite diagnosis and I think most people would likely miss it entirely.\n\nNot a radiologist myself, though. Maybe the subtle findings are clear as day to the experts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "918tnz", "comment_id": "e2w7aai"}, {"question": "Even some of the smallest changes feel incredible", "description": "Now that I\u2019m over 100 days in I\u2019m feeling so grateful for so much even things that seem insignificant.\n\n- waking up with out a hangover \n- making my bed every morning \n- brushing and flossing my my teeth twice a day \n- washing my face twice a day \n- actually being able to stick to a whitening routine (my teeth are actually whiter for the first time ever!)\n- not wasting all of my sick time/PTO on hangovers! (I already saved up enough PTO to take a weeks vacation!)\n- actually giving my dog the attention and time he deserves!\n- not fighting with my husband over nonsense\n- remembering my moms birthday and taking her out for lunch\n- cleaning my house (still working on this but I\u2019m definitely getting better at it!)\n- consistently writing in a journal \n- early weekend breakfasts \n- sleeping in because I want to not because I\u2019m in to much pain to get up\n- remembering going to bed every night \n- not worrying about getting a DUI or crashing my car \n- not waking up with intense fear and anxiety after black outs\n- being able to recognize when I\u2019ve messed up and own up to it\n\nI have control of my life for what seems like the first time ever, I still have bad days and I still get cravings, but as time goes on they seem to get fewer and far between. \n\nThis sub was the first resource I found once I finally decided things needed to stop once and for all and it definitely put me on the right path, I can\u2019t express how grateful I am for everyone here!\n\nThanks,\nIwndwyt ", "answer": "Well done. Your teeth would thank you if they could \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8utehg", "comment_id": "e1itga7"}, {"question": "I don't want to continue to see my current therapist - Help with how to say it?", "description": "I've had a few sessions with them, but I just don't feel like they're a good fit for me.   \n\n\n\\- It has bothered me that each session, they bring up topics from other clients \"I have a client that's going through X\", totally unrelated to what I'm going through. I don't want to know about that stuff. I haven't had a therapist bring up other clients they see, ever.   \n\\- I feel some kind of emotional responsibility, that makes me anxious in session, about their mental health. And I haven't experienced this with any of the other few therapists I've seen over several years.  \n\\- I feel like the administrative side \\[payment, scheduling appointments\\] feels too casual with lack of definition, which I don't do well with.   \n\\- There are a few other things that bother me as well. but I don't want to get too detailed.  \n\n\nSo I haven't been in a few weeks, and they texted me \\[also, not something I want with the next therapist I see\\]. I feel I can't ghost them, and need to respond that it's not a good fit. But ugh I hate it!  \n\n\nI want to keep it short and sweet... Can I just say something like \"it's been a pleasure, but I just don't think it's a good fit\", which seems insensitive over text.... :(", "answer": "I am very anti-ghosting on therapists, but what you have here is absolutely fine. You don't have to manage their feelings; it's just helpful so that they can open up your slot for new clients, close your file, and not *worry* that something serious or bad has happened to you. \n\nI might say something like, \"Hey, thank you for reaching out. After a couple of sessions, I don't feel that you're the right fit for me. I am not interested in making another appointment. Thanks for your time and best wishes going forward!\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ettuzw", "comment_id": "ffjntsz"}, {"question": "Thinking about an open relationship?", "description": "I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for four years this month. It started in sophomore year of high school. I love her so much and I'd love to marry her and settle down but lately I've been feeling lost. I've only had sex with 2 people her being the second and she's only had sex with 2 people, me being the second. I'm in my 20s and I really want to experience other bodies and explore my sexuality. I want her to do the same and with her being 2 hours away at college I think it'd be easy for her to explore herself. I'm a very jealous hypocritical person and I'm trying to work on that, and the thought of her sleeping with another male bothers me. But I want her to enjoy her college years and I want to enjoy living in the city as a young guy. I'd love to still be with her and give her all my love and affection while we both potentially sleep with other people. I'd love to settle down with her but right now I'm just not ready. And after 4 years of only know two people it's just weighing down on me. What should I do, does this seem like a bad idea? ", "answer": "open relationships are very delicate and only work if both people are 100% comfortable", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ma1fk", "comment_id": "dc23ddf"}, {"question": "Question about duties or responsibilities to patient for psychiatrist", "description": "I'm currently applying for disability in the US, specifically Colorado. I have been seeing my pyschiatrist for 4-5 years and when I informed him that I would be applying for my physical disabilities he encouraged me to also include my mental illness as a disability. My lawyer gave me a form for him to fill out about my level of impairment and treatment history. Apparently that kind of form/info is really helpful for getting approved. \n\nHe does not want to fill out this form and is refusing to fill it out. I was basically wondering if he had any sort of duty or responsibility to fill it out or if it's just an optional thing that he doesn't have to do if he doesn't want to?", "answer": "A doctor generally has no obligation to divulge clinical information to any third party unless obliged by legal proceedings. So yes, it's optional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sh4t4", "comment_id": "dldoqsm"}, {"question": "How to convince friend to see a psychiatrist", "description": "Perhaps I should give some background. I have a friend who, since childhood, has had OCD. As a child the OCD apparently bad but, through therapy, he was able to overcome his problems with symmetry, habitual hand washing, etc. Fast-forward some fifteen years, he recently became very depressed, convinced that his body was plagued by certain pains (minor pains in back, a finger pain, strange swollen feeling in ear). Essentially he saw no point in living, seeing how he has all these different pains that no doctor has been able to find a physical precedent for. He was however, convinced that these pains were physical.\nHe could no longer function properly at work because he was constantly thinking about one of his pains. He stopped doing outdoor activities that involved one of his hands (for fear that it might \"re-injure\" his already \"hurt\" finger). He also became very depressed after he took anesthesia for surgery on a fractured bone. The anesthesia made him worry more about how weak his body was, about how easily it was to 'put it down.'\nHe became borderline suicidal, tortured by the fact that he was visiting all these doctors, going to appointments, getting medical treatment (including surgeries on areas he thinks there is pain) with no results. He recently came under the impression that parasites might infest his house (he has dry skin on one arm). He also had to take a blood test recently and one of the tests came out slightly abnormal but all the others were fine and the doctors didn't think anything of it. However, he has convinced himself that he might have some type of blood disease. He's now trying to get more blood tests done to confirm whether or not this is true. He also had an infected scratch a while ago but he thinks the pain is re-emerging and that the infection has somehow burrowed itself inside of him.\nI have hinted at all of his worries about pain, shortness of breath, excessive coughing, heart rate, etc. are due to his OCD, his tendency to focus and worry about one particular symptom for hours at a time. I then started to look up somatic symptom disorder, and he meets almost all the criteria. He's diminishing the quality of his life, but at the same time he feels like chasing down all these doctors, getting these tests done, getting surgery, is the only way he can solve his issues. It's a vicious cycle--like an alcoholic who drinks to suppress the pain, while remaining ignorant towards the fact that the alcohol is also exacerbating the pain.\nHe sees his problems as solely physical, and is trying to treat them as such. I think they're fundamentally mental and if he continues to remedy these issues solely through physical means, he won't solve the problem and will further plunge himself into anxiety and depression. I have told him to see a psychiatrist but he has yet to do so. He wants to deal with the physical aspect first he says. He also has a stigma against therapists and psychologists (him seeing psychiatry as an outgrowth of these)--calling them money-hungry people who pretty much just earned a college degree to swindle others out of their money by eliciting pointless conversation. He also is opposed to anti-depressants, seeing them an artificial means to happiness that robs him of his agency to achieve happiness himself.\nI've been thinking about finally confronting him, of telling him how serious I think his situation is. I want to insist that his problem is not just a conglomeration of unfortunate physical issues but, rather, a fully-fledged mental disorder. I'm baffled how obvious it is, yet how oblivious he is to it. I'm afraid of doing this though. How can I convince my friend to get adequate help? I'm watching him destroy his life, and he's too hung up on the physical side of things to take notice of the underlying mental instability. Please help.", "answer": "You'd hope that whichever doctor is coordinating his overall care will be recognising the possibility of mental health issues affecting your friend. He clearly has no intention to seek help, so it's going to be pretty difficult to change that except in a crisis situation. I suspect we will have to wait and hopefully watch him slowly come round to the idea of seeing this as not purely a physical manifestation of illness.\n\nI agree that it might be a somatoform disorder (rather than eg. psychosis), which would require medication + talking therapies.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "78fom0", "comment_id": "dotwg3m"}, {"question": "Hit Rock Bottom This Past Weekend", "description": "Went to my fraternities party and drank way too much. All I can remember is filling up half a cup with vodka and the other half with mountain dew. Next thing I know I woke up in the morning on my friends couch with a trash can in front of me and cuts all over my body. He told me I reached up under a girls skirt, punched a guy in the face, tried to fight multiple people, and fell into some hedges. I remember NOTHING. That is not who I am in real life and the feeling was gut wrenching. \n\nThe fraternity has decided to suspend me since this is not the first time I have had such behavior. I've already been to the hospital twice for heavy drinking and blacked out 7-8 times THIS SEMESTER alone. Each blackout has resulted in inappropriate sexual advances, becoming physically aggressive, and sometimes getting into physical fights. \n\nI have a feeling it's because me and my girlfriend of 2.5 years split up in January. It wasn't a bad breakup, and I actually wanted to breakup because I was not feeling love for her anymore, but it is a weird life for me after giving my total self to someone for such a long period of time and then having her completely removed from my life. I'm currently looking for a therapist that can get me back to my normal state so I can go through life like a normal human being. \n\nI've decided to stop drinking and it has been 4 days. I hope I can keep it up and would appreciate any tips you guys have to resist the temptation. \n\nTLDR; Had terrible behavior over the weekend, I've decided to quit for good. ", "answer": "Bottom is where you stop digging. Getting sober young is hard, I did it at 17 with the help of AA. I suggest you find a program of recovery and get down to business.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23pe61", "comment_id": "cgzc0j4"}, {"question": "How do I [24m] help console with with my potential GF (21f) who has clearly had quite a few bad past relationships?", "description": "So iv'e been having some difficulties with a dear friend of mine becoming distant due to some difficult past relationships. \n\n\nSome Backstory: We met in a university class about a year ago, went on a couple dates, but nothing ever really happened. We kept contact over the year, but it was very seldom and nothing would really come of it. A month or so ago, we started talking again and eventually started going out on dates a lot more often. Eventually things lead back to my place and we got some decent making out going on, but she declines the offer for sex. No big deal, maybe some other time. That night she sends me a message saying she wanted to wait because \"shes had a lot of bad guys recently\". I comfort her and we move on and she's happy i'm not pushing the subject matter. Its worth mentioning that we're not official at this point, and still aren't to this day. \n\n\nFast forward a week, and we've done a few more things together and she's been acting normal. Last night she sent me a text wanting to go grab some dinner. Okay no problem, so she picks me up and we head over there and she's a lot quieter than usual, along with like a sad / tired thing going on. After dinner, I offer to hang out some more but she declines and goes home anyway. \n\n\nA few hours later I sent her a funny story I found on here along with a \"thanks for inviting me to dinner\" kind of note. To which she replied, \"you don't have to talk to me now, goodnight\" just out of nowhere. At which point I said \"okay goodnight\" and went to sleep. I woke up this morning with one of those huge messages apologizing and explaining how she had a bad day yesterday, brought on by those bad past relationships. I responded to that message this morning accepting the apology and telling her if she wanted to talk about it I would be there for her. She has seen the message, but has not responded at this point.\n\n\nIt's worth mentioning that she's never brought this up this topic in person, and when we get anywhere near the topic or something similar, she gets super quiet, avoids eye contact, and is generally difficult to talk to when it comes to difficult conversations. \n\nReddit, what's going on, and what do I do here? ", "answer": "These things she's going through have nothing to do with you, and trust me, there's no joy in either of you dwelling on those things any more than you have to. \n\nSo, tell her \"let me know if there's anything I can do to be helpful\" and otherwise focus on having a nice time. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e8kbu", "comment_id": "di8e9wv"}, {"question": "Dating with a mental illness", "description": "I (18f) have always avoided romantic relationships due to my mental health. I've always kept people at arms length my whole life as I struggle to bond on an emotional level so cannot ask my friends for advice as they wouldn't understand. However a few months ago I screwed up and met this guy (21m) who I actually quite like. We see each other about 1 a week and chat most days but I'm not sure if he is actually interested. Although I feel my social skills are ample I really struggle with flirting and showing I'm interested and he has remarked several times in person and over text I'm not very affectionate even though I feel like I am. As well as this his previous girlfriend cheated on him and seems to have left some deep emotional scars.\nBasically I have several questions that I would like answering\n1) Should I ask him to be exclusive yet or should I wait longer and if I do ask him, do I tell him I have mental health issues. Also how the hell do you begin to explain something like that?\n2) This may sound very stupid but how do you show someone you're seeing that you are into them?\n3)Although my mental health is managed extensively would it be wise to enter into a romantic relationship? \n\nThank you for taking the time to read this post any advice would be very helpfully as I have no knowledge in any of these areas.", "answer": "it's always good to ask for what you want. most people wait too long. if the relationship looks like it's getting solid, it's ok to tell him about your health issues.   the wisdom of entering into a rel. is something to discuss with your therapist, not a bunch of kids on redditt.  (i'm not a kid--and i'm a therapist.) hope that helps.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5plv03", "comment_id": "dcs5quc"}, {"question": "Need some advice for my girlfriend about a prescription medication.", "description": "My girlfriend is 22, 5'9\", 105lbs and native American. She has anxiety. It can get pretty bad especially in social places like bars or pubs for example and especially when it comes to meeting new people.\n\nShe has been on Quetiapine for 17 years now. She uses it mainly as a sleep aid. She said it's supposed to help her anxiety a bit as well. Her family doctor moved and now the clinic keeps tabs on her refills. If she doesn't have her pill before bed she cannot sleep. She has become dependent on it. She tried to ween off of them but went through bad withdrawals. She doesn't suffer from depression, schizophrenia or bi polar disorders.\n\nThe advice I need is if there are any more medications out there that could help with her anxiety and sleep aid? Xanax being one I've looked into? How would one ween off of the pill without serious withdrawals? She has no family doctor and the hospital here has no more opening for patients under family doctors and when she goes to see a random one they say they can't help her because they aren't her doctor. Also what are the long term effects of being on quetiapine as long as her and more years to come. She has a 3 year old that loves her and a boyfriend that does as well. We need her around for as long as possible. She's open to the suggestion of trying different sleep aids but doesn't want to go through the withdrawals again.\n\nAny advice would be much appreciated, thanks for taking the tune to read. Posted on mobile btw so did the best I could. ", "answer": "Quetiapine is not a standard first-line sleeping pill or a standard first-line treatment for anxiety. There are many other medications for both problems. Weaning depends on what dose she's on; in general it's safe, though sometimes uncomfortable, to just stop suddenly, with one major side effect unsurprisingly being insomnia.\n\nLong-term effects aren't as well studied, especially at the very low doses typically used for sleep. Quetiapine has an association with weight gain, metabolic syndrome, and associated problems like diabetes and high cholesterol, but again, that's usually seen at higher doses.\n\nXanax is not a medication that I would recommend first for the problems your girlfriend has. It might be on the list, but it's close to the bottom, and I don't know if I'd put it before or after quetiapine. Xanax is much more physiologically and psychologically dependence-forming and has higher abuse potential.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9srtzo", "comment_id": "e8qzme5"}, {"question": "What\u2019s Up Wednesday", "description": "It\u2019s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your good, your bad, and your ugly (or your pretty, or your future, or whatever else is on your mind) with us below!\n\n-----------------------------------------\n\n**The Good:** I have always been in such dread of the impending winter gloom that I have never fully appreciated autumn. This year, for some reason, I am loving it. Perhaps seeing the leaves turn so beautifully in the Adirondack Mountains has finally made me appreciate the loveliness of fall. \n\n**The Bad:** I\u2019m working so hard at various editorial projects that I haven\u2019t really had any time to relax. (When you\u2019re a freelancer, it\u2019s only ever feast or famine.)\n\n**The Funny:** [This is how I feel on some days.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/d8m333/hopelessness/)", "answer": "The Good: I'm on Day 65 and feeling mighty proud of it.  The weather here has finally dropped below the 100s.  I've got an exercise class tonight that I'm looking forward to.\n\nThe Bad: I've had a pretty draining past couple of days.  I'm hoping today is a bit more relaxed.\n\nThe Future:  I am going to treat myself to something on Day 75!  Not sure what yet, perhaps a new dress.  :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dc4fub", "comment_id": "f270z5r"}, {"question": "I [27M] need some advice about fiance [24F] wanting to go on a break/break up", "description": "Long story short, a couple weeks ago my fiance came out of the blue and decided that she wants to break up/take a break from our relationship due to little/no attraction and wanting to be alone. I have a previous post (url at bottom) that explains more in detail.\n\nShe has been suffering from depression and is most likely bipolar (she judt want to see a counselor). Part of me thinks that this is a big reason why she has little to no attraction for me. Here are my reasons why I think this.\n\nFirst off she would always compliment me, always says im handsome, cute, and warm, etc... Secondly she always wants to do everything with me wether it be going shopping with her or simple go to the store to grab something real quick. Thirdly, she has been talking about kids non stop for the past year, mind you we planned on having them after we are married this up coming fall.\n\nOf course I want to think that it is the depression that is causing this but I know a part of it is the truth. I mean we have been together over 7 years so some of the attraction is going to die. I even admit that I feel the same way.\n\nThe past couple days have gotten a little better. She asked me if I wanted anything from the store a couple days ago, we ate dinner together yesterday, we went grocery shopping today, had dinner together, and i made a small bon fire in the back yard for us to sit next to.\n\nHowever, she wont initiate conversation, her responses are small, and she just does things on her own like she used to tell me she was going to sleep and now she just goes to sleep. We havnt held each other, cuddled, kissed, even hugged in the past 2 weeks.\n\nI was pretty fucked up about it last week but I have gotten slightly better with handling it. I have been giving her the space she has asked for. Its been really rough on me.\n\nI finally txted her mom and told her what is going on and even her mother thinks that she is acting VERY strange, not like herself. I invited her over tomorrow so the two of them can talk. Normally she is pretty close with her mom but her mom keeps texting her to talk with her but she never responds.\n\nAt this point im not sure what else I can do. Shes living with me so no contact is very hard to deal with. Ive been doing the best I can with no contact. I just wish shit went back to normal :(\n\nAny advice on wtf I should do? I dont want to leave but obviously I cant control her decisions. I feel like the problem here is major depression but im not certain that its the only issue. Im not going to give up on her. I just hope she doesnt give up on me.\n\nAlso I would like to note that she still has the picture of us and our relationship status still set on facebook, which she is on all day long so im not sure what to make of that. She would have changed it by now if she was certain she wanted to.\n\nLink to my previous post:\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/5tprwl/7_year_relationship_24f_fiance_thinks_she_wants/ddoiez2/?context=3\n\nEdit 1: Next day morning: She asked if I wanted to go to this boxing place with her so I am going with her (only because she asked me). i just dont understand. Is she coming around or is it just me?", "answer": "make sure she's getting help for depression.\nif you take a break, make sure to define the ground rules;  i recommend not dating others, and having a plan about contact with each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uydvb", "comment_id": "ddxseev"}, {"question": "I would like a second opinion about Venlafaxine side effects", "description": "I started taking Venlafaxine last Tuesday. I'm currently taking 37.5MG and will be changing it to 75MG next week. A couple of days after starting, I noticed I had red blotches all over my knuckles, back of my hands and a huge one on my thigh. They weren't itchy and were gone in an hour. The next day I noticed that my knuckles were red again. Then yesterday, my leg was itchy. When I looked, I had huge red and warm blotches on my thighs again. Again, they were gone in an hour or two.  \nI Googled it and every site said that rashes/hives are a severe reaction. Some even said to get emergency help if you notice them. I called the pharmacist this morning and he said to keep taking it, and if it gets worse in a few days then stop. He just seemed a little unsure so I would like to get a second opinion. What could happen if I am having a bad allergic reaction to it?\n\nEDIT:  \nI have had other side effects. I had minor shakes the first two days, but I know those are normal and they seem to be mostly gone. I also had a major headache on Friday but I haven't had one since so I'm not sure if that was related to the medication.\n\nAge: 21  \nSex: F  \nHeight: 5'0ft  \nWeight: 102lbs  \nRace: Caucasian  \nDuration of complaint: Since Wednesday(ish)  \nLocation: Back of hands, knuckles and thighs  \nAny existing relevant medical issues: None  \nCurrent medications: Venlafaxine and Marvelon  \nPhoto: Unfortunately the blotches are gone so I can't take a photo, but if they come back I'll add one.  ", "answer": "I'd probably persevere with venlafaxine (if I were taking it, that's what I would do). If it's worsening though with increased doses, then we might have a problem.\n\nYour call though - you're the patient!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "55iyeg", "comment_id": "d8b2il5"}, {"question": "Anxiety when I develop Romantic Feelings", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI wanted to make a thread and see if anyone else can relate to this.\n\nI've had pretty bad anxiety over the last few years. It's been a hard road, but I have had some wins over the past year. I was able to move out of my mom's house in November and get my old job back which I quit in a state of what can only be described as mega-anxiety (I actually liked the job, I was just overwhelmed by a manager, a busy time of year and the fact that I had really bad anxiety but was ignoring it and telling myself \"stop getting worked up, you're fine. this is nothing. Your life's not so hard.\")\n\nMy anxiety has become so much more manageable. In all except one regard.\n\nWhen I lived at home, I would go on dates, have some fun, but it would ultimately never go anywhere because I didn't really want to bring a girl back to my mom's house. I only got brought back to a girl's place once and nothing happened beyond making out.\n\nSo, one of the things that made me really excited about moving out was that I could go dating and bring girls to my place. Well, the thing about that is I've found out I get intense anxiety when I like someone in a romantic way. I start to worry about how long they are taking to reply, if they still like me, if they'll be okay with my lack of sexual experience etc. And logically I am able to say to myself, \"hey let's stay in the present and not worry about this stuff and try to have fun.\" But I can't talk myself out of it. I feel crazy because I am obsessing over someone and I'm not even trying to at all.\n\n​\n\nI thought it was only because my ex gf was a recovering addict and once I found someone with less baggage the anxiety would go away, but nope. I'm currently seeing someone who is great, gets my mental health struggles and she was my friend first before I developed feelings for her.  Today, I sent her a message around 11am, saw she looked at it and didn't reply. For the rest of the day I wondered if I had done something to upset her, regretted even messaging her at all and had my mind play doomsday scenarios where she would send me a crushing response like \"I don't care\" or some sort of essay about me being a jerk.  \n\n\nNote: My general practitioner gave me Xanax in December when things got really hard for me and it helped my thoughts slow down and I felt like a normal person again. I'm going to my first Psychiatrist appointment at the end of the month. I'm hoping finding a good med can help my brain calm down about this stuff and help me to feel less off.\n\n​\n\nI'd love to hear from anyone who's had similar experiences. What were some things you did to make the anxiety go away? My therapist hasn't been as much help, beyond trying to support me and encourage me to go for it with this girl. I've already bailed on her once due to my worries about my anxiety and told her I couldn't talk to her for a while. I don't want to do that again. I want to be able to have romantic relationships and not freak out.", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel.  I experienced the same thing.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bmcxc6", "comment_id": "emvmnnv"}, {"question": "I am SO proud of myself", "description": "I got my 3 assignment marks back from uni. All A's. My grandma took me out for lunch and got me a new bag. She was so proud of me too. My medication helped a lot. This is coming from someone who thought they'd never ever excel in anything. \n\n​\n\nAnd for all of you guys, whether you're achieving or not, I'm proud of you too. Keep it up!", "answer": "I love your grandma. She gets it. The struggle. The guilt and shame. Give her a cuddle for me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmewt4", "comment_id": "emx15rj"}, {"question": "Bad Globus sensation. Should I see a doctor?", "description": "Ok, quick rundown.  I am an 18 year old female with really bad anxiety. I've been having what I think is severe Globus sensation. It started after some incredibly bad dry mouth from meds I am taking for the anxiety. However, I am afraid that my throat might be closing up. Is it possible?", "answer": "Still alive?\n\nAs you probably know, it's your anxiety doing this. What dose of mirtazapine are you on at the moment? Ever tried to learn some CBT techniques for anxiety (www.llttf.com)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rwn1n", "comment_id": "dl9vsm1"}, {"question": "Does metformin shut off androgen receptors throughout the body or just in prostate cancer cells?", "description": "Age: 37\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6\u2019\nWeight: 254lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 24 hrs\nGeographical location: Northern Utah\nLocation: entire body (?)\nExisting medical conditions: Hypogonadism, ADHD, Insulin Resistance, Depression/anxiety\nCurrent Medications: \n        Testosterone Cyp. 200mg injected 1xweek\n         Metformin 850mg 1xday\n         Klonopin 0.5mg as needed\n         Dextroamphetamine 20mg 2xday \n         Citalopram 20mg per day\n\nLast week my doc prescribed metformin and yesterday I was reading about it and came across some studies that indicate metformin represses or inhibits androgen receptor function in prostate cancer cells. \n\nHere\u2019s one: [source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265472933_SMILE_upregulated_by_metformin_inhibits_the_function_of_androgen_receptor_in_prostate_cancer_cells)\n\nNow here\u2019s my question:\n\nDoes metformin shut down all AR\u2019s so that the testosterone in my system is doing nothing? Or does metformin only target the AR\u2019s in the actual prostate cancer cells, leaving all the other AR\u2019s throughout the body open for business?\n\nI should that mention I don\u2019t have prostate cancer. ", "answer": "That's not a well-known property of metformin, and I would extrapolate from a basic science, in vitro study with caution. Epidemiologically, given the large number of people who take metformin without any apparent anti-androgen effects, it seems unlikely that metformin broadly directly affects androgen receptors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9r6vyy", "comment_id": "e8ep0ou"}, {"question": "Does anyone else avoid doctors, not because of fear of going, but because you think all of your symptoms are actually just anxiety-related?", "description": "My anxiety tends to center around my stomach. I have emetephobia in addition to a general anxiety disorder, so it's not unusual for me to have nausea or weird stomach cramps that are just anxiety.\n\nHowever, I've been INSANELY bloated for six months now, having a lot of pain in my lower stomach (nothing stabbing or throbbing, just achy pain, kinda similar to period cramps or how you'd feel after an intense ab workout), and am more nauseous/quick to heartburn than usual.\n\nThere are some other symptoms as well, and I finally made a doctor's appointment, but it just got me wondering... I've been avoiding this for six months because, well, it's probably just my anxiety, right? \n\nMy fiance ended up getting mad and made me make an appointment because he'd rather me be safe than sorry. And I agree with him. \n\nI was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? \n\nI know avoiding doctors because of anxiety is common, but I'm not scared of the doctor. I just don't want to waste anyone's time and tend to assume all of my symptoms can be tied back to my anxiety. \n\nAnyone else?\n\n**TL;DR - I don't avoid doctors due to fear of the doctor or office, I avoid them because I tend to assume everything wrong with me is due to anxiety. Anyone else do this?**", "answer": "You're freaking me out because I could have written this entire post (except the person getting upset with me for not going to the doctor is my boyfriend). Yeah, that's how I feel to a tee. I figure everything links back to my anxiety and I'll just be using up the doctor's time and my money to find nothing helpful, then I'll feel stupid.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "hl8jje", "comment_id": "fwyv4nz"}, {"question": "Pregnancy/blood work question", "description": "Female; 40 years old; caucasian, 5'2\"; 125 lbs; a few weeks, possibly pregnant; I'm currently seeing specialists for an undiagnosed medical condition that causes weakness and fatigue (although I don't think that is relevant for this question), Levora (birth control), no photo required\n\n​\n\nHello! Thanks for having a look at my question here. \n\n​\n\nI don't know why, but I have this strange feeling that I'm pregnant. I'm on the pill, and had some bleeding at the end of my last pill pack, but started a new one to make it stop. My breasts are large and sore and my period hasn't stated yet, although since being on Levora it comes a little later than usual. Honestly, I thought until the last few days that the bigger boobs was due to some weight gain, and I haven't been eating that well, so that could totally be what's going on. I have taken three home pregnancy tests, all negative. From the last time I had sex, I would be about 10 weeks along. Wouldn't my HGC levels be high enough by now to come up on a home test? When I was pregnant with my son, I tested positive the day I was supposed to start my period. Don't know if the HGC levels vary by woman or by pregnancy. \n\n​\n\nBefore I thought I could be pregnant , I saw and endocrinologist about some unrelated health issues and he ordered some blood work. I got the results yesterday and if I'm pregnant, I was when the blood was drawn. Not sure if all of these are applicable, but the female-related hormones he tested are: \n\n​\n\nESTRADIOL: <15 pg/mL (Reference Range: Follicular Phase: 19-144; Mid-Cycle: 64-357; Luteal Phase: 56-214; Postmenopausal: < or = 31)\n\nFSH: <0.7 LmIU/mL (Reference Range: Follicular Phase: 2.5-10.2; Mid-cycle Peak: 3.1-17.7; Luteal Phase: 1.5- 9.1; Postmenopausal: 23.0-116.3)\n\nLH: 0.2 LmIU/mL (Follicular Phase: 1.9-12.5; Mid-Cycle Peak: 8.7-76.3; Luteal Phase: 0.5-16.9; Postmenopausal: 10.0-54.7 )\n\nPROLACTIN: 14.4 ng/mL (Reference Range: Non-pregnant: 3.0-30.0; Pregnant: 10.0-209.0; Postmenopausal: 2.0-20.0)\n\n​\n\nIs there any way to tell if I'm pregnant based on these values? My appointment with the endocrinologist isn't until next week. I thought I would reach out in the event that this bloodwork obviously answers my question, rather than waste the time of a lab and money of getting additional blood tests if they aren't necessary. \n\n​\n\nThank you! \n\n​", "answer": "The chance of multiple false-negative pregnancy tests is minuscule. You're not pregnant.\n\nThe hormone tests are also not consistent with pregnancy. I'm neither an ob-gyn nor an endocrinologist, so I have no expertise, but low LH, with very low FSH and estradiol might suggest some kind of endocrine issue. Possibly hypothalamic? It's not something I know.\n\nThe pregnancy tests answer your original question, but I think you do want to see the endocrinologist to get clarification about the tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ans4kk", "comment_id": "efx67zi"}, {"question": "I am on the verge of a complete fucking breakdown someone help me", "description": "I don\u2019t even know where the hell to start. I started feeling depressed in November and I was like ok cool this happens all the time we\u2019ll get through this. So I fought it. It got a little better. Then it decided to sneak up on me and dump all this pain and fear and anxiety all at once. I\u2019ve been dealing with a painful ovarian cyst for three weeks,flu like symptoms that won\u2019t go away, so those are adding stress. Then comes the fucking holiday stress. I have NO money left. I\u2019m completely broke. And I still have my parents and one of my nieces to buy for. And on top of that, I feel guilty, because it\u2019s Christmas and I should be happy and I\u2019m not and I hate it! I\u2019ve been seeing things too, little shadow figures, some of them small to the ground like a cat, some tall like a person. I just see glimpses of them, running away, or darting around the corner, and I can feel them looking at me. My brain says they\u2019re demons. I know they\u2019re not real but fuck they\u2019re scary. And then I get these weird things at night, not like a panic attack, but it\u2019s like this crushing terror falls over me and I\u2019m to scared to move or open my eyes and I just have to lay there until it\u2019s gone. I keep telling myself I need to get through Christmas then I\u2019ll feel better, but that\u2019s not true, because on January 5th I turn 24. Happy birthday, right? NO! That day marks the end of a wasted year and the start of one that probably won\u2019t go anywhere. I\u2019m 24, unemployed, living off social services to pay for the meds that are supposed to keep me sane, and living in my parents basement. I\u2019m worthless. A worthless human being and I want to fucking die. ", "answer": "You are NOT worthless. You have been trudging through some difficult physical and emotional pain and that is badass, even if you feel still stuck in it. There will be more Christmases, its okay that this year you can't afford presents for everyone. They probably don't love you for your christmas gifts, they love you for you. \n\n24 can be a great year for you. 23 wasn't a wasted year. You're pain through the year is serving you a purpose which is teaching you to be able to overcome it, as crazy as that sounds. You are at a pause in your life, so living in your parent's place is where you need to be to take that pause and figure out whats next. There is nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want and need in your life. \n\nIt sounds like whatever medication you are on is not helping with all of your symptoms. It might be a good idea to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, ideally who can work together to help you work through this stuff. \n\nKeep your head up :) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7iugk", "comment_id": "ec3hcwy"}, {"question": "Patience", "description": "Has anyone who is early in recovery noticed a lack of patience and increased  irritability? If so what did you do", "answer": "Yes, and still experiencing it now at almost 80 days in, but it's getting better slowly.  I've been trying to just accept it.  Accept the feelings.  Wait for them to pass.  They always do.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhryus", "comment_id": "f3qam2k"}, {"question": "How to handle compliments?", "description": "I been overweight for almost my whole life 29 atm. And I been bullied and criticised for many things. Because of this I have a low self esteem. Lately I started working out and lost a lot of weight. And I get a lot of compliments especially in the gym. I usually say thanks But it's really hard for me to handle. I'm not obesse anymore but I am still fat, and so I mostly response like \"Thank you, but I still got a long way to go\" or something.", "answer": "That sounds fine to me and very humble.  \n\n\nIf you're trying to build your confidence up a little, try just saying \"thanks\" without making a negative statement about yourself or saying thanks and giving yourself an acknowledgement instead like \n\n\n\"Thanks... I've been working really hard at it!\"\n\n\nIt may not seem like that huge of a difference but the way you talk about yourself is closely linked to how you think/feel about yourself.  If you change one, the other will start to follow.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "alhc2o", "comment_id": "efe3ug2"}, {"question": "Wife having to eschew therapy to get on transplant list", "description": "Hi, all. This may seem like a bizarre title, but please bear with me. My wife and I are in our late 20s, for context.\n\nMy wife (hereinafter referred to as J) started dialysis about three years ago and has still yet to get on the kidney transplant list for a number of ostensible reasons. She last attempted to get on the transplant list in October, when she was told they were going to re-evaluate her again in six months (came and went because of COVID) for mental health, among a couple of other things.\n\nSome more background: J was somewhat recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder (her mom has it too) and has been through a number of medication changes in an attempt to help with it. J also has a very unfortunate baseline of feelings of guilt about a plethora of things to the point that it pervades her everyday functioning. I suspect BPD is at play here too based on this, but I'm not a medical doctor or therapist of any sort myself.\n\nAnyhow, the mental health issue seems to have conjured some contradicting incentives that have been very difficult to deal with. Namely, she's internalized that she should avoid talking about the more pressing aspects of her mental well-being to her therapist so that the transplant team doesn't know about them. The idea is that the less they know, the less ammunition they have to keep denying her a kidney. While I can certainly see where she's coming from here, it seems to me that this is a dangerous set of contradicting and perverse incentives foisted upon her. By withholding the more serious aspects that she could be getting help with through therapy, her mental health deteriorates further. Of course, having seemingly arbitrary roadblocks thrown up when she is an on-paper perfect candidate and a new kidney being a life-or-death situation have impacted her extremely poorly.\n\nIs there a way to resolve these incentives so she can get the mental health help she needs?\n\nOn my end, I'm having trouble finding the balance between making it clear that I'm listening to her and am taking what she says about her transplant worries seriously and validating the more toxic aspects it (for instance, I don't want to feed into her conviction that the doctors are actively trying to kill her and are just stringing her along, but want her to feel heard). Does anyone have any advice there?\n\nMy apologies for any vagueness here -- tried to go for brevity, but still mostly failed =) I'll be happy to answer any clarifying questions if needed.\n\nThanks for your help.", "answer": "I am wondering if the hospital or clinic where she receives kidney care may have a social worker who can help.  It is very common for people with chronic health issues to also deal with related mental health concerns . As a result,  hospital social workers are well versed in what is available and how to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqhhib", "comment_id": "frsqr3f"}, {"question": "I [23/f] have a huge list of concerns about my boyfriend [23/m]. Are these valid or am I being crazy or unreasonable?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This post is very long, I'm sorry, if you want to just pick out a couple of points to read and comment on then that'd still be really useful. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 and half years and have been living together for over a year. I have a long list of concerns but I'm finding it very hard to get a sense of what is reasonable. I can't tell if I'm being selfish and entitled and using him, if he's showing abuse flags or if there's nothing wrong and I'm thinking normal facets of a relationship are big problems and making myself miserable for no reason. I've lost all sense of proportion and any outside perspective would be very welcome. \n\n**Employment:**\n\n* He works full time and earns a very good salary, understandably he wants me to make the largest possible financial contribution to the household\n* I had a well paid job which I quit about a year ago as it was extremely stressful and long hours. My boyfriend encouraged me to quit.\n\n* I had another job which he encouraged me to quit from early on, pointing out the negatives and seeming unhappy when I'd been working that day. It wasn't a very good job but he had been very unhappy about me not bringing any money in so I took what I could get.\n \n* I left this for a better job on a temporary contract. This was a great job but he was negative from the start, found all the problems and never seemed happy about me getting it in the first place. Since this ended I have been unemployed for a few weeks.\n\nThis sounds like he wants me to not work and be his housewife. I would love this arrangement but he makes regular comments about how I don't contribute any money and this clearly makes him feel angry and used. However, he gets annoyed if I dedicate a lot of time to finding a job. He tells me to spend the day job hunting and not to worry about housework but then is angry that all the housework isn't done. \n\n**Housework:**\n\n* He tells others we split it 50/50 and that he thinks this is the right thing to do\n* I do the vast majority, including: cooking, cleaning, washing, most DIY, most washing up, dealing with the letting agent and arranging maintenance, clearing up all clutter and throwing away all rubbish (my boyfriend just leaves things where he used them and doesn't use the bin or put things away)\n* This arrangement was still the case when I worked full time and he didn't work at all\n* I also fetch him most of his drinks and do all pet care (for pets he decided to get)\n* He does take out the bins and rubbish, manage the finances (which I'm very grateful for) and do about a 3rd of the washing up. \n* He thinks all the housework takes 5mins as he's never done it and doesn't know how (just says 'that's your job'), he thinks I'm just reading reddit upstairs and pretending to do work. \n* If I need his help (e.g. for physical strength) he is very begrudging and thinks I'm trying to get out of a job\n* Won't take any responsibility e.g. acknowledged the door is unlocked, walks away and then is annoyed it's still unlocked when I assumed he'd done it when he noticed\n\n\n**Controlling behaviour:**\n\n* He can be controlling in an odd way. He doesn't do any of the typical stuff and has no problem with me going going out without him or talking to men.\n* He gives instructions and gets angry if they aren't done, I wouldn't mind but these are often not workable (e.g. not enough time, something that can't be done)\n* Gets angry if I wear something he doesn't like, will give me the silent treatment for not doing a hairstyle he likes and I don't\n* Makes a lot of comments about me being to skinny, I know it's my job to be attractive for him but I have a big hangup about how thin I am and I am working really hard to gain weight\n* I very rarely refuse sex as I know it's my responsibility to keep him satisfied and I do initiate sex regularly. However, when I do refuse on occasion (for good reason) he gets really angry and throws stuff and hits walls/furniture which scares me into submission. Sometimes, instead of making a normal sexual advance, he gets angry that I didn't know to initiate at that moment and will sulk until I give him a blow job. I tried asking if he could come on to me normally first but he doesn't. \n* Every day when he comes home from work I have to give a detailed account of how I spent my time, it's never good enough (even if I worked a full day and the house is tidy).\n \n**Money:**\n\nHe earns a good salary and contributes most of the household money. I am very grateful for this and often feel guilty and like I'm sponging off him. He will always earn more than me (very clever with programming skills), I expect to have a lot less disposable income than him and that he will always be in charge because of this. However, there are some problems. He always says we have no money and so he needs a lot of my earnings/gift money etc. towards household costs. This leaves me not enough to buy things like the makeup he complains if I don't wear or tickets for events he expects me to attend while he buys video games, nights out and is planing on buying a new computer, a weekend away with friends and a car. Obviously his disposable income should belong to him, but it would be nice to not have all my spending tracked and approved when it's for things he wants me to buy.\n\n\n**General attitude towards me:**\n\n* If he's angry he will take it out on me (e.g. bad day or low blood sugar), he has directly told me off about the weather being bad before and about shops not stocking things.\n* I asked why he never discussed politics with me, he said \u201cI feel like we should agree on everything but we don't\u201d. He's made it clear that I should have his views and is let down that I have a deep mistrust of the political system when he is a member of the Labour Party (UK)\n* He has never forgiven me for being sexually experienced when I met him; I would undo my past actions if I could. He was relieved when he found a box of mementoes from my ex in my parents house as he assumed my previous relationships were just me having casual sex, even though I explained otherwise when he used to regularly make me go through all my sexual experiences in detail.\n* If we go on a night out and I get harassed (he encourages skimpy outfits), he doesn't care at all and sometimes says I'm making it up. His friends often intervene and help without me asking so I don't think I'm being oversensitive but I could be wrong.\n* He will issue commands and expect me to take on all traditional 'women's work' but won't step up to many of the 'men's responsibilities' (DIY, protecting me, negotiating with taxi drivers, I doubt he'd ever man up and propose if he wanted to get married etc.) because that's sexist gender stereotyping. I'd love to be traditional wifey, and I'm happy to instead do the modern thing and split everything, but I feel like he's trying to take the best of both.\n\n**TL;DR I can't tell if I have reasonable concerns or am being entitled and selfish. I feel like he expects me work full time in a high paid job, do all housework and non-employment odd jobs  and be happy, energetic and horny all the time. I feel like he wants me to do what I'm told but also take charge when he doesn't want to; give him most of my money but support myself. If I don't do what he wants he can get very angry and I feel like he expects perfection. It seems like he's trying to get the best out of a traditional, patriarchal relationship and a modern, feminist one and leave me with all the crap. However, he contributes most of the money and I'm worried I'm being unfair, selfish and expecting too much. I can no longer tell what is reasonable behaviour from either of us.** \n\nEDIT: lots of typos\n\nEDIT part 2: I have to go now as my boyfriend will be home soon. A big thank you everyone who took the time to give me advice. I will definitely be contributing more to this community in future as I can see the difference it can make. I needed this outside input and I think I know what I have to do now. Will check back when I can, maybe later tonight but probably tomorrow.", "answer": "No need to wait until you get a job to leave. Just leave. Like now. Go. None of the behaviors you listed are okay, at all. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2f93hr", "comment_id": "ck7heet"}, {"question": "If you go to the ER and get blood drawn, will doctors tell you if you have HIV?", "description": "Male, 20, 5'7, 156 Ibs, \n\nJust scared of having HIV, that's all.", "answer": "HIV is a specific test. Many ERs will offer you that test regardless of why you're having blood drawn, but you always have the right to decline it.\n\nIf you're scared of having HIV, it's better to know and get it treated than have it advance and die of AIDS, right?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s8e3a", "comment_id": "e0xazd6"}, {"question": "Why the fuck do i crave negativity???", "description": "It only makes me more depressed. I'm really unstable and I really shouldn't read sensationalist negative news. 99% it's war, poverty, politicians fucking us over and sometimes just straight bullshit (buy this stock pplz yolo!!!). But still every morning I wake up to get my negativity fix :( Sad face is negative too. I wish I could quit my addiction to this shit and live an ignorant life, unaware of the problems of the world. ", "answer": "Make good news more reinforcing to you thank bad news.  You like bad news because it is familiar territory.  Good news is foreign like eating with chopsticks for the first time you think, fuck it I'm going back to the fork.  But once you learn to eat with chopsticks it can even be fun.  Find some good news, read it or watch it, then go do something to reinforce the behavior.  Such as forcing a smile on your face.  If you force a smile on your face and keep it for a few seconds your brain actually recognizes the facial expression and released chemicals that or exerted with happiness.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jh9w1", "comment_id": "cuplm18"}, {"question": "How to best say \"no\" in my current situation?:", "description": "One of my best friends arranged a charity (or rather a first attempt of it), we pooled money, bought cheap clothes on discount in order to resell them for higher to triple the amount of profit compared to our spending. Our first day of collecting clothes went great! I shared it on snapchat/facebook etc. and celebrated it.\n\nHowever, one classmate of mine, let's call him \"Bob\" suddenly messages me saying he wants to join the charity. Nothing is wrong with the request, it's just that the charity was only inbetween my friends, so it's kind of private. My classmate \"Bob\", I don't really hate him, but I don't like him either, he usually just \"hitches on\" to me. My best friend is one of the well-known \"popular\" kids at school, and I think that sometimes he gets jealous of me. Before, he used me as a 'stepping stone', I'm kind of the weird and naive kid in class so I wasn't surprised. I was just irritated that he did all that to leverage himself so that he could be friends with my friends. I'm a really private person, and I try to seperate each of the groups of people I'm in, since I love making friends with everyone. I'm a bit defensive about my friends too.\n\nOne experience, which was very telling of this behavior was when a year back, when I was attending educational summer enrichment programs with him, I was bullied I guess. I'm not a person who expresses anger easily and someone who isn't used to saying \"no\" like I mean it, in fear of people hating me. He \"hitched on\" to this guy, let's call \"Bobtwo\", which Bobtwo often made fun and teased me to feel all cool, he continued doing it because I showed no anger nor rejection, I simply kept quiet about it (I did say \"no\", and \"stop it\" in a calm manner a lot of times but they didn't stop). And, all Bob did was join in with him, Bob was my classmate for a year and he joined in on teasing me because, from my perspective, he simply wanted to feel included or more superior in the current social hierarchy that was created that day.\n\nSorry for elaborating so much hehe, I wanted to vent some of my backstory with him so that people could give me better advice for this.\n\nMy best friend doesn't hate him, but he doesn't have any good thing to say about him, only a few bad things. Don't misunderstand, I don't want to isolate him nor ignore him or stuff like that. It's just that I don't want him to join. I don't think he wants to join for the sake of charity but just because he wants to 'feel included' again and 'cool/popular'. At least, from my analysis, that's the kind of person I think he is. He's usually a negative nancy most of the time. He takes everything way too seriously, kinda lacks a sense of humor, and all he talks about is all this complicated stuff, as if trying to feel superior that he reads lots of books. I don't think he would fit in with my group of friends that runs a charity. It would probably not end well\n\nSo, as the title suggested, what is the best way to say \"no\" in this situation without hurting his feelings because he'll probably be pissed or something and try to ruin me through social media by spreading rumours and gossips all because I said \"no\".  \n\nI guess what I'm really trying to say is, what is the best way to say \"no\" without actually saying \"no\" and simply denying his interest in joining? \n\nI don't know if that's possible, please give me advice.\n\nTL;DR: Guy I don't really like wants to join a charity my best friend along with some other friends made for ourselves. I don't think he'd fit in with us, and simply be bad since my other friends don't like him because he is kind of an ass. I'm afraid to say \"no\" because he'll probably try to embarrass me again. How to best say \"no\" without saying \"no\"?\n\nEDIT: A detail", "answer": "Like creative said, best course of action is to be straight forward.  You don't have to give any explanation other than \n\n\n\"Thanks but we're good right now.  We don't need any extra help but if we ever do, I'll let you know.\"  \n\n\nSometimes you can't avoid hurting people's feelings.  It's a fact of life.  I imagine no matter what you say to him short of allowing him to join in, he's going to be pissed.  You just have to weigh the consequences, what is going to be more of a pain in the ass for you, to have to deal with him joining or to have to deal with him being pissed?  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8jmcc5", "comment_id": "dz0uycu"}, {"question": "I feel too nerdy at times and i'm not sure if I should look into more hobbies or not", "description": "I'm not sure if this belongs here but i'm honestly not sure where to ask this.\n\nAnyway, as the title says, i'm a nerdy guy. I play boardgames, videogames, i read books, and thats most of who i am espeically hobbys wise.\n\nIssue is, i'm worried that's \"all\" I am. I'm fine being a nerd, I enjoy the culture (the positives, not the toxicity shit) but i'm not sure if I should branch out into more \"general\" hobbies (things i'd like of course, i'm not gonna say watch X tv show just because other people like it) to be more relatable or not.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being eclectic.  You don't have to love everything as much as you love your core interests, but it's extremely helpful socially to at least have a base knowledge of and be able to enjoy many different things.  \n\n\nI had a guitar teacher once tell me when I was really young that when it comes to music it's ridiculous to say you don't like an entire genre.  If you look hard enough, you can find some aspect that you really appreciate.  Life is better when you focus on the small things you can take joy in rather than discounting things.  I try to apply this to as much as I can in my life and encourage others to do the same.  \n\n\nExample, you might not love sports, but if you can understand it just enough, you might appreciate watching it and the camaraderie that goes along with it.  \n\n\nYou might not love cooking and foodie stuff, but you might learn to appreciate the skill and competitiveness when it comes to cookie shows and competitions.  \n\n\nFind a way to take joy in as many things as you can, while holding your core interests close.  It'll give you a basis to relate to many more people and open up social opportunities in a completely genuine way.  All friendships start based off of shared interest.  You don't have to be an expert fanboy to say you're into this or that.  Just a base knowledge and general curiosity.  \n\n\nP.S.  I'm also a huge NERD for plenty of things including board games.  Board games and DnD are gaining popularity so fast that soon it won't be too hard to find a good group of friends with these interests.  What are you playing right now?  I'm an avid and regular DnD player.  We also love Codenames, Secret Hitler, Lords of Waterdeep, and Anomia.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pmtgm", "comment_id": "e0cgjye"}, {"question": "Sponsor and Lord's Prayer plus bonus question, what is the the definition of The Fellowship to you?", "description": "I'm only 35 days clean, so a newbie... I had a \"high bottom\" if you will - started recovery before things got really bad because I saw the writing on the wall. A couple questions...\n\nMy sponsor and I started working together and she is literally reading the big book to me aloud, line by line, having me highlight and make margin notes exactly where her sponsor had her do it. We have gotten through the forwards in the 4th edition :-/\n\nIs this typical of sponsorship? I know a sponsor typically takes sponsees through the steps as they were but this method doesn't feel very useful. Have any of you had a sponsor do it in a different way?\n\nBigger question, we open our sessions with a prayer. The opening prayer is one that isn't related to a specific religion (I think it's made up) and I am comfortable reciting this prayer. We close with the Lord's Prayer. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I plan to discuss this with her but can I get some feedback on this? I am bothered because it's from a religious text and I have some trauma from a previous Christian experience. AA is not supposed to be religious so I am not sure why I should be asked to recite it.\n\nFinally, what does The Fellowship mean to you? My sponsor said it's the group of members and the sober activities done outside of meetings. Really? \n\nShe only has a year of sobriety and is still working on step 9 with her sponsor. Maybe I should find a new sponsor?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I worked with a sponsor in a different 12 step fellowship where I read the step alone, answered questions in a workbook, then talked with her to review my answers and ask any questions I had about anything I read. Later i worked the steps again, this time in AA and with a different sponsor, in the way you are doing - reading the big book out loud together and stopping to discuss and take notes exactly as her sponsor had done with her. After doing both I found the second method to be far superior in terms of helping me really \"get\" the big book. It's an older text from a different time and I would have missed a lot just reading on my own. \n\nI don't say the Lord's prayer, and I don't think anyone should have to if they don't want to. I disagree with the meetings that use it but I recognize their freedom to choose that if they wish.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "7y3h5a", "comment_id": "dude01t"}, {"question": "Please settle this for me! What test for insulin resistance?", "description": "Basically, the title. I'm trying to get pregnant, and wondering if I should be on metformin. My RE tested my fasting insulin and said it's really good (I believe she said they look for it to be under a 10, and it's a 4), so that Met wouldn't do me any good. But I can tell I have hypoglycemia issues, and I also know I've seen people on here say that test isn't sufficient. So what test(s) should I insist on? Thanks ", "answer": "Hmm. Fasting insulin usually is the go-to test to diagnose insulin resistance. You could ask for the 3-hour oral glucose tolerance test, but that's a pain and not all centers will even do it (I think). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3ly4vr", "comment_id": "cvasvl7"}, {"question": "Should I [26/m] trust her [24/f] again and accept what happened, and how?", "description": "Ok, so.. my story is a mess. I'd been friends with benefits with a coworker for over a year, but then she stopped it in December (she actually never told me anything, just started to give excuses to not go out with me). I've always liked her so much but after some months I realized I loved her and asked her if she was ever going to be with me again and long story short, she said she always liked me a lot but she thought I didn\u2019t (I did a good job trying not to make us not get attached, but looks like I failed), then started seeing another guy from work who liked her, started liking him too, and short after they started \"dating\", he moved to USA (we live in Brazil), then they made plans to spend her vacation together in NYC (that's happening right now).\n\nWell, I tried everything to win her back before I knew about her trip, but when she told me everything I'd just tried to accept it because everything was paid already. But then, last week, 4 days before her flight, we went out again, and we spent those 4 days together. It was perfect and we loved it. She also told me she loved me. The day before the flight she told me she was still going to NYC, but after what happened she wouldn't do anything with him, she talked to him and he agreed it would be only a friendly relationship. But of course that didn't happen.\n\nThe day after she arrived, she told me they had sex (apparently there were friends telling her she should do it) and it was not good and she realized for good I am the one for her and that she told him that and she won't do it anymore. I believe her. But now I've got to put up with them being together as friends for another 20 days, knowing there can be a new spark at any moment.\n\nI've been trying to accept what happened, I really love her, and I believe she loves me too, and I want to have what we had in those 4 days, but it's been so hard for me to accept what she did. I know I screwed up from the beginning because I let her believe I didn't care for her and she found another. And we don't have any compromise, but after what happened last week I was misled and thought it was implicit. Now she's broken my trust. I want it to work out when she's back but I just don't know how to accept it because I'm so hurt. I'm even considering having sex with an escort just to see if somehow it makes me see sex as something more natural (and also because I'm angry and sad) and get over what they did, but I know I would regret it and feel miserable afterwards.\n\nAny advice on how to get over it? Each minute she's there fills me with pain and doubts. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ga10q", "comment_id": "dionmof"}, {"question": "Does my beard pattern indicate Kleinfelter Syndrom?", "description": "Hi. I am 27, white, and have some symptoms consistent with Kleinfelter. I read somewhere that I cannot remember that Kleinfelter makes beard around month and thin less feasable. Well I let my beard grow and it looks very beardless in those places. I am from Boise. Height is 6 feet 1. Weight like 160 lbs.\n\u200bhttps://imgur.com/a/0YDOpJw", "answer": "Klinefelter syndrome can range from completely without symptoms to significant. Lower height would be one of the most common; being 6'1\" doesn't absolutely rule out Klinefelter, but it's unlikely.\n\nIf you want a definitive answer, a karyotype (counting chromosomes) is straightforward and will give you that answer. I suspect that you do not have Klinefelter syndrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f8ts18", "comment_id": "finu266"}, {"question": "I have no identity.", "description": "When you read that, you might be thinking that I \u201cdon\u2019t know who I am\u201d or that I need to \u201cfind myself\u201d or something along those lines. All of that pop psychology stuff.\n\nNo. What I mean when I say that I don\u2019t feel like I truly exist in this dimension. I don\u2019t feel....real. I look at myself in the mirror and I can\u2019t say with certainty that that is who I am. I look at my body and understand that this is the body I\u2019m occupying, this is \u201cme\u201d, but I don\u2019t really identify with my physical form. \n\nIf someone asked me to describe who I am, the closest thing I could say would be that I\u2019m my mind. My thoughts. My stream of consciousness. My mind is neither male nor female. It\u2019s some of both. Or possibly none at all. \n\nI guess I live in my mind. And sometimes I get so caught up in my thoughts that it\u2019s hard to focus on the here and now. \n\nWhen I finally realized all of this, it started to make sense why I often feel alienated from people. Why I generally don\u2019t bond with most people I meet. That no matter how much they like me, they don\u2019t ever really *know* me.\n\nThey like what they see me as. How they perceive me. Who I am to them is my physical form and what comes out of my mouth. \n\nI used to wish I knew \u201cwho I was\u201d. I used to want to emulate certain people and be them. I used to want to play the human game and have a very defined and appealing \u201crole\u201d in life.\n\nBut as I get older, I\u2019d just as soon let go of being human altogether. It\u2019s too stressful to constantly make sure you\u2019re an acceptable human and that people approve of you. \n\nIf I could somehow escape into my mind and shed this physical world, I think I probably would.", "answer": "Your descriptions sound a bit like depersonalization-derealization. I have had some episodes of DP-DR and it is quite a strange experience. Does the description of that (if you Google it) resonate? Or is what you're talking about something more conceptual or intellectual than experiential?", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hht3gr", "comment_id": "fwc8tlz"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has crush and a dream", "description": "So me and my girlfriend both 18 have been dating for almost a year. We both started college at different schools. She had recently lost her sex drive completely. She then texted me saying she had a dream that she had cheated on me twice. I know it was just a dream but it still hurt to hear. She told me that she didn't do anything with the first guy just flirted, but didn't say anything about the second guy. \n\nLater she tells me that she loves me and will always love me, but that she has a crush. She says that she feels really guilty for it and wants to stay with me. I learned that the first guy in the dream was this crush. \n\nI'm not sure what you say, do, think, or anything to that matter. I feel like I want to just ignore it and have this just disappear, but it can't. Can someone give me advice on this. ", "answer": "It's simply hard to sustain love from teens to forever. Most people need a period of exploration before they settle down. Not what you wanted to hear, but a reality nonetheless. Make sure you always talk about your status as a couple so you know where things stand.....  crushes can be idol fantasies that evaporate.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xhrsh", "comment_id": "dmg0o3e"}, {"question": "He cheated and I still love him. Help.", "description": "*language warning sorry*\n\nGoing to try make this simple. I found out about 3 weeks ago my boyfriend (of a year, whom I live with) cheated on me because I am \"not as sexually active as he needs\" but the problem now is I am so hurt that all I can think of even when he just kisses me is him sleeping with that girl. He wants me to do more with him but I'm too hurt to even think about it.  How am I supposed to go back to normal shit like sex when he cheated on me? I have also just become so fucking paranoid, I have lost a lot of trust in him because of this but I still can't decide if it's better for us to be together or break up. It seems better for him to just break up with me because I've become so angry and just overall mentally unwell and it seemed so easy for him to cheat on me in the first place so what's stopping him from doing it again? I want to give a second chance but this has already happened to me before in a previous relationship (he cheats, I forgive, he cheats again) and I don't know if I can break my own heart again. I feel like it's inevitable and we're going to part anyway but I just can't seem to do it. I really fucking care about him and love him deeply but I just don't want to get hurt again by him. He is my best friend but also my boyfriend so if I leave him I loose both and I don't know what I would do without him. He really took care of me when we first met, he really seemed to give a fuck about little nothing me, my bad eating habits, me getting sleep, my safety, and me genuinely being happy, he really cared. He says he loves me but he said that before, now it seems to have lost some of its meaning. I just didn't understand how he still loves me if it's so easy to sleep with someone else? I don't understand how you cheat and still care? \n\nPlease respond to this as if it was happening to you, I don't really have a support group and I've never posted a thing here so I appreciate the honesty.", "answer": "he's immature and not ready for what you need. staying with him is like pouring salt in a wound. leaving him would involve a short period of intense grief, but if you maintain no contact, you'll heal and move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lp9ff", "comment_id": "dbxewut"}, {"question": "Is it safe to take my ADHD medication after I ruptured my kidney?", "description": "Age: 21\nMale\nHeight: 6'4\"\nWeight: 165 lbs\nCurrent Medication: Norco 5/325, Ritalin\n\nHello, hope all is well, about three weeks ago, I fell off my bicycle and ruptured my kidney and fractured my pinkie on my right arm. I am a lot better know and have been prescribed Norco to help ease the pain, but I try to take it as least as possible. I'm not having sharp pains in my kidney like I was in the first week of my recovery.\n\nI was wondering if it would be safe to take Ritalin? Will it interact with my kidney? I will not be combining the NDRI with the Norco. Thanks in advance.", "answer": "What do you mean by [\"ruptured kidney\"](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/acute-kidney-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx) - did you suffer a change in renal function and has it been checked since you recovered?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "558ye4", "comment_id": "d88l5ej"}, {"question": "Ashamed to get a diagnosis for what I know is OCD. But maybe someone can help verify my symptoms.", "description": "I am 28 year old Caucasian male. Do I seem to have OCD? When I was young I would wash my hands until they bleed. I seem to be over that symptom now. But I am still plagued with other symptoms. It takes me forever to leave my home. I check all of my faucets, lights and locks again and again. The fridge doors I must check to make sure they are closed by tapping the doors a couple times.  When I drive my car I am afraid I hit someone or something even thought it is insane to do, I even sometimes go back to drive the same route to make sure I did not. Everyone seems to think I am crazy because when I enter the building I must check a couple times that the door is securely shut. I feel embarrassed to see a doctor about these symptoms. Do I possibly have OCD?", "answer": "I don't doubt that this seems embarrassing to you, but this sounds very likely like standard OCD to a psychiatrist. It's very treatable, which hopefully will help you not feel embarrassed in interactions with people who aren't your doctor!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8kdqz", "comment_id": "esnmwek"}, {"question": "Please help me.", "description": "I just want to feel good again. My husband left me and I used food to feel good. I was only 130 when he left but I went up to 240. I felt like people treated me like I was less of a person. I was tired of being treated bad by everyone. I just wanted to love myself again.\n\nSo, I started lowering my calories to 1500 a day. Then 1200. Then 1000. And my weightloss wasn't fast enough so I'm at 800 now. I loved hearing people complement my loss. Everyone kept telling me how great I was looking. I finally am feeling better. \n\nI am at 155 now. I eat a 95 calorie breakfast. Egg whites, spinach and tomato. I eat spinach, fish and kale for lunch shortly before I workout, about 210. Then carrots, raspberries, tofu, asparagus but mainly salads.\n\nBut now I can't stop. I am terrified of gaining anything back. I was restricting with the assumption that I was just doing this until I lost some weight. I noticed what I was doing was bad so I told a friend, but she said I was too fat to have an ed. This was the same friend who told me when was raped it didn't count because I thought the guy was cute. I was drugged but whatever. Why is she my friend still? Because I don't want to be alone.\n\nI dunno what I'm even here for.", "answer": "Hey there. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain right now. I'm glad you know that it isn't right for someone to talk to you that way. That person isn't your friend.\n\nNo one here can diagnose you with an eating disorder. But your post does hint that your eating behavior is very disordered.\n\nI really think you would benefit from speaking and working with a professional: someone who has worked with people who struggle with all of the things that you struggle with right now. Someone who will be able to help you work through the pain you're feeling. Have you considered that?\n\nEven if you haven't, or aren't ready for that yet, I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. And you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your body.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "26jgvd", "comment_id": "chrlxyl"}, {"question": "You can't get sober with an alcoholic partner", "description": "45 days.\nThat's how long I stayed sober the last time I quit drinking in June. I managed 45 beautiful days. It's funny because as time progressed my desire to drink was less and less.\n\nMy partner on the other hand, was a drunk. I tried to get him to quit with me, and he lasted about 4 days before I caught him sneaking drinks behind my back. His alcoholism is much more far gone than mine, because he couldn't hold down a job nor could he keep up with his bills.\n\nSomewhere during my 45th day of sobriety, I was craving a glass of red wine like it was something I needed more than life itself. When this had happened in the past, I would check in here, or talk to friends, go for a really nice slice of cheesecake, whatever. \n\nMy ex however, encouraged it. He said I had been \"sober long enough\" and deserved the drink. I honestly in that moment, couldn't see the harm... so I had a glass of wine, and another, and another, and I watched him continue to fill my glass in excitement and order more wine.\n\nAfter that, it was game over. He was SO excited I was drinking again. Alcohol was back in the house, drinks were flowing... and I was right back where I was.\n\nI didn't want to be there. I was angry. I was sad. I felt depressed. I remember hating my boyfriend because he was a mean drunk, and getting drunk together meant sometimes it would end in violence for me. I remember being sober and how much I couldn't stand him, and wanted to be rid of him.\n\nFinally in November I found the courage to leave him and am on my own as of Dec 1st. During our time, I paid for everything. Including his alcohol problem which didn't help. He would order shots for us at the bar, and then expect me to pay. My financial situation was the worst it had ever been. \n\nI spent December drinking over the holidays, and being a disaster. January rolled around and I kept drinking. I was depressed, and sad. However one morning I woke up and realized this wasn't the life I wanted anymore. I was free of my ex and I could finally be sober.\n\nJan 26th was the last day I drank. The first 10 days were hard, but since then, I haven't wanted to drink.\n\nI've learned I am still a lazy piece of shit who enjoys bingewatching television shows and sleeping until noon... but I can do that sober. And I could never have done this if I was still with my ex.\n\nYou can't get sober if you have a partner who continues to deny you sobriety. I see a lot of people in here who are faced with those challenges... and I hope you can find a way to get sober together, but in my experience it will only end with drinking continuing again as it did many times in my relationship.\n\nI will not drink with you today.\n\nThanks for listening. ", "answer": "It\u2019s nice that some folks here were able to do it while their partner continued to drink, but my experience was like yours, minus the intentional encouragement; we just enabled each other. \n\nI knew I couldn\u2019t get sober if he didn\u2019t. Both of us like to think the other had the bigger problem, but that\u2019s irrelevant. I had to leave him in order to get sober, and even then it took me six months to quit. He never did. \n\nI like to say I separated from my husband because he was an alcoholic\u2014but I divorced him because I was. \n\nHardest, most painful decision I ever had to make; harder still to follow through on. But no regrets. \n\nGood luck to you on your sober journey. IWDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7ylp6m", "comment_id": "duiq70a"}, {"question": "Most Annoying Roommate, Ever.", "description": "I am tired. So fucking tired of this roommate of mine. She has lived with me for 2 months and it has been a living hell the entire time. I hate to even be awake when she's awake. I need to make a list of all the things I dislike about her in hopes that it will help me feel a bit better. Here we go. \n\n* Odd sleeping schedule. She will stay up until like 7AM and then get up at like freakin 5PM. She works from home (if you call it work she makes like 10 dollars a day) so she can work whenever but the fact that my lights are on 24/7 because of her weird ass sleep schedule annoys me. Which leads to my next complaint. \n\n* She is driving all my bills up. I took on a roommate so I could save money for a new car. This chick takes 45 minute showers, leaves lights and her pc on 24/7. She is wasteful when it comes to food as well but she has food stamps so that's her problem I guess. But anyone who will open a thing of lunch meat and then sniff it the next day to make sure it's still good is really fucking stupid. You JUST opened it. Doesn't matter though because she'll throw it away after it's been open for just 24 hours. Ridiculous. \n\n* She's really dumb. Like not intelligent at all. She's 30 years old and doesn't know how to do basic things like open a bank account, use the washer/dryer, use the oven, cook a hamburger. Things that are really common sense. She's just not book smart as well. Her vocabulary is very limited. However...\n*  She talks ALL THE TIME. She comments on the smallest thing my cats do, what's going on outside. She can't just tell a story she has to drag it out for like 5 minutes. Everything is funny to her. I can't have a conversation with anyone else in my house without her butting in. I'm NOT talking to you! Why are you putting in your two cents?!\n* She's lazy. The only thing she will do is dishes when I write on the board that it's her turn. She will not wipe down a kitchen counter, clean the bathroom (her hair is all over my bathroom sink right now and the bathroom trash is running over with her 200 pads/panty liners). It's like she's not going to do anything until I tell her to. I'm not her mother so this thought pisses me off so badly.\n\n* She thinks it's okay to just not have rent on time. She has the money to pay her part of rent right now but she thinks she should have a few more days to make more money so she doesn't have to spend what she has now. Tomorrow will not be pleasant for her because I'm going to demand she give me all the money she owes or she's out the door. She will sit at her computer on Facebook or tumblr all day but she won't make her goals with her job. \n\n* She has no goals for the future. She just mooches off me and the government. She lived with her parents until the age of 30 and is just content with her food stamps, no driver license and 10 dollar a day job. When I kick her out (which will happen in the next few months I'm sure) she'll go right back to living with her parents and doing nothing all day long.\n\n* She sits at her desk and stares at me. I feel like when I'm in the same room with her she has a damn staring problem. It's creepy though there are more pressing issues than that. It's just annoying.\n\n* Back to the food. She will use my food without asking. She went through 3 gallons of milk by herself in less than a month. That is insane to me. I don't get food stamps so that is coming out of my pocket. \n\n* She goes through a 24 pack of toilet paper in a week. I have stopped sharing it with her because of this. She currently has half a roll that I so graciously let her have until she gets more. \n\n* She NEVER leaves the house. She is either sleeping or sitting in front of her computer. Never even goes out on the porch or anything. \n\nSigh. I'm sure there are a ton of other things I can't stand but that's all I can think of right now that stands out.", "answer": "Is she... sick or something?  Sounds too weird to be true.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "221pws", "comment_id": "cgir168"}, {"question": "I've heard of getting a second doctor's opinion. What's the probability that if the 1st opinion is incorrect, the 2nd would be? Should I get a third?", "description": "General question thinking about those who want another opinion because they feel the first is incorrect or want the most treatment options available.\n\nWhat is the optimal number of doctor opinions to get in order to minimize the chances of misdiagnosis and maximize the number of treatment options?\n\n*This is a general statistical question; however, I am an Asian in my 30's with 100+ food allergies confirmed by two allergists and always wondered what the probability was both were incorrect or that I was missing a potential treatment by not seeing a third doctor. Currently, simply taking omeprazole, ondansetron as needed, and avoiding many foods was the option given to me.*", "answer": "It's a copout, but the optimal number of opinions is an \"it depends.\" It depends on how difficult the diagnosis is to make and how much uncertainty there is. That's an important question to ask. It's reasonable if you're dubious to get a second opinion; if someone else doesn't think the diagnosis/treatment is a slam-dunk but the first one was, even if they agree, then there's at least more margin for uncertainty.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88w8th", "comment_id": "dwnufxt"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [30/m] is newly obsessed with polyamory and seems to want to have open relationship. I [28/f] don't. What do I do?", "description": "My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together a little over a year, and just recently we have taken the step of moving in together (almost 1 month ago). Our relationship is really good, very few arguments and good sex, so all in all we've both been really happy. \n\n\nI took him away a few weeks ago for his birthday for a cool and slightly romantic weekend away, and he chose a moment in bed to ask whether I would ever consider a threesome or an open relationship (etc.), to which I had a few joke responses, but I soon realised he was serious and told him that actually it would be a deal-breaker for me. We had a bit of an argument about it, with me being pitted against him as being narrow minded/ him being hurtful asking me on a romantic evening, and when I asked him outright if he wanted an open relationship he said no. In the morning I thought the subject had been dropped and I put it down to him just wanting to fight or being a bit tactless. \n\n\nHowever, since then he's been mentioning open relationships a few times since and commenting about how monogamy is a social construct, and he's watching a TV series and reading a book where the central theme is polyamory, and it's making me really worry that he's polyamorous and now wants to explore that. \n\n\nIt seems really unlikely because he's slightly jealous as a person (as am I!) and often reacts negatively to news of friends being cheated on/cheating on their other halves or people flirting when they have a partner... however a lot of his friends are in their very early twenties, and a girl he used to really fancy is in an open relationship, so I wonder if that's been an influence? Additionally he's at a bit of a loose end at the moment, he has no real career direction and is unhappy with his restaurant waiting job, so I am wondering if it's some strange upshot of that? \n\n\nI am not narrow minded about polyamory but I know that I would not want that at all - no matter who I was with. I want children and a tight family unit, and I am completely unwilling to share any element of that with other people - sexual or otherwise, but there seems very little support for people leaving a relationship because of that. Everything online is about \"adapting\" and putting up with it, there's very little saying \"it's ok not to want that and to leave because of that\". \n\n\nI know who I am just as much as he knows himself, and I'm not against trying it because I don't love him enough - I just know it would really hurt me and I can't put myself through that. \n\n\nI just have no idea what to do. I worry that if I say to him \"we need to break up if this is what you really want because it's not something I want\" then he'll just lie to me and himself to keep me, and it'll all fail in the end anyway. He seems obsessed with the topic now. Help! \n\n\n\nTLDR; unsure if boyfriend's new obsession with polyamory is sincere or a reaction to current life situation, it's a deal breaker for me if it's sincere, unsure of next step. ", "answer": "the rel. will end if you're not on the same page. polyamory rarely works.  you have to have ZERO jealousy potential which few people have. don't let him pressure you. go with your gut.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tt2xz", "comment_id": "dlnd1zk"}, {"question": "How can I be providing therapy when I'm a mess myself?", "description": "My company has started doing telehealth with our families and clients since our early intervention clinic is closed due to Covid. All of my sessions are done on the bed or bedroom floor because of HIPPA, and the fact that my husband is also working from home. We're in a 1 bedroom apartment. Even parks and trails are chained up and locked, so there's very few options for a safe change of scenery. I feel guilty saying I can't take any more clients ( I have 4 clients and will soon have 6) because I'm the only clinician without kids or family to take care of, and we're being paid our full salary ( at least for this month). I'm having a harder and harder time holding myself together. I can't sleep, I'm crying on and off all the time, and I'm becoming anxious about everything. I don't know how to say no, or even if I can, and I just want to unplug everything and make these responsibilities go away. But I can't - because my clients and their families are hurting even more.  I don't know how long I can maintain this.", "answer": "I\u2019m in a similar situation in some ways. I\u2019ve also been limiting taking new clients even though I do have some time in my schedule. I think that\u2019s fair. If your burnout is high you need to protect your energy for the clients you already have. \n\nI am also seeing patients from a very small apartment and it makes it really hard to have boundaries around my work. I\u2019ve designated one specific chair as my work chair.  I really really try not to do any sessions from my bed because I just need to preserve that space. Can\u2019t help doing some from the bedroom (because that\u2019s all there is) but I try to at least avoid my bed. \n\nDo you have a therapist yourself? I think we all need support at these times and we have to keep ourselves as healthy as we can mentally as well as physically. The situation can feel really impossible. \n\nI am also trying to cut myself some slack for not being as good a therapist as usual.  I do my best but there are limitations emotionally and practically. And I\u2019m trying to let myself off the hook for just doing the best I can in each session. \n\nI really get what you\u2019re saying.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g1mi8r", "comment_id": "fnh34x5"}, {"question": "Anyone else get irritated when you try to explain bpd to people with non bpd and they reply, \u201cI think everyone does that\u201d", "description": "Seems very invalidating because you know they don\u2019t really understand to the full extent that you do\n\n\nEdit: I meant to write people without bpd*", "answer": "Yes but to be fair, people do that with everything. Depression? I do that. Anxiety? That's me too! Adhd? Oh that's totally me", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9lg08l", "comment_id": "e76iu9w"}, {"question": "I'm (24/F) scared of becoming too dependent and needy for my partner (32/M)", "description": "Possible TW\n\nSo, we've only been together a few months and in that time he's wanted to hear about my past history of abuse and self harm. After talking about this a few times I feel myself wanting to be able to talk about it when I'm feeling low and in need of support. I do worry that he struggles to here it though as it's not the nicest topic.\n\nI don't want to feel like a burden to him or that he might not want me anymore. What would you do?", "answer": "it's not a relationship if you can't be YOU. have you had therapy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ousay", "comment_id": "dkkdzz8"}, {"question": "Advice for interviewing 11-13 year olds 1 on 1?", "description": "Any help would be greatly appreciated :)", "answer": "I work with this age group, and it's really not different from talking to older teens or young adults. Ask getting to know you questions the same you would anyone else, and if you can try to connect on a TV show, youtube channel, sport, whatever they're into. You'll earn their respect simply by talking to them as normal people -- at this age they still get talked down to by adults.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "3ke523", "comment_id": "cuwq6ic"}, {"question": "Marriage therapy", "description": "My SO is bipolar.  The past 2 years have been hell.  Major rage, anger, & paranoia.  He's on meds and has a therapist, whom he has been seeing for about 6 months. He does not let me go to any of his appointments because he thinks I'll ruin his perfect patient image.  He comes off warm and caring and open to his doctors, but with me and his family he is completely different and blames everything on us and everything is a trigger to him.  We recently started seeing a marriage therapist and to him, it's ok to stay things about me that are cruel and untrue because I deserve it.  But when I bring up any of my feelings or issues, he cannot acknowledge they exist and that how I feel is unimportant or not right.  He also will still try and act like a complete saint while in a session with me, but once we leave, he just starts raging on me.  The whole ride home plus another 3o-60 minutes he raged on me calling me a liar and that I made him look bad and then proceeds to say all kinds of nasty things, rather screams them.  I had valid issues he doesn't seem to care about.  It's all him and what he wants and if he doesn't get it, he feels justified on terrorizing me for days.  So now I've ruined Christmas because I brought up an issue I wanted addressed and hopefully the therapist would have a solution.  So now I sit, 6 hours later while he gets drunk and rages.  When a couple like us comes into a marriage counseling session, can they see that one person feels completely censored and afraid to say anything to upset the other person?  Can they see that one person feels so verbally and emotionally abused that they will tow the line at any cost?  Can they see that they are afraid to bring up any topic regarding abuse because they know if they do, the next day to month will be hell because that person has brought up a valid issue and the one accused will make the punishment unbearable.  I don't see this ever helping when my significant other refuses to take any responsibility.", "answer": "This sounds like a whole lot more than bipolar. \n\nAlso, yes. I'm willing to bet any therapist worth their salt would see through this charade. And yes, when one person feels censored it is obvious. This is largely why I strongly advocate that all couple therapy must include sections of the sessions where the therapist speaks individually with each partner. \n\nI am really impressed with the courage you have had to share what is going on for you. I'm so sorry. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a850l6", "comment_id": "ec897pj"}, {"question": "i still love my ex :(", "description": "my boyfriend of 1year+ broke up w me last week bc he wants to be alone and doesn't want to vent his anger into this relationship, he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and we should be \"just friends\" so no one will be hurt .. few days after our breakup, he texted me to ask how i was doing and we started chatting a little. same went for the next few days he would he text me to ask what i was doing. the weird thing is that in sch (we're in the same class too), we'll have some awk eye contacts and sometimes he would stare at me sadly, but the rest of the time he just seems unaffected at all, he would laugh a lot w his friends and play basketball w them .. i felt that if we continue texting like this he will nv miss me so yesterday night i texted him saying that we shouldn't text like this bc it's hard for me to text w him as \"just friends\", i told him that i would try my best to get over him. he replied \"if i didn't have any feelings for u, i wouldn't text u in the first place.\" he also said \"i like the way we are now.. \" \nthe thing is i still love him v much and i still want to be his gf .. i want to text him to get closer to him, hoping he would realize how much he loves me but how do i do that after what i've said? what do i dooooooo :( how do i get him back after all these? today morning i texted him to ask abt the name of a restaurant we went to when we were still tgt (just an excuse to text him and remind him of our good times tgt haha :x) he just replied the restaurant's name, i said thanks and he just put this emoji \"\ud83d\udc4c\ud83c\udffb\" next week is his bday, shld i use this chance to talk to him again? idk ... it seems like he's determined abt the breakup BUT WE STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHERRRRRRR :'( someone pls help me :((((", "answer": "wanting to break up with someone you have strong feelings for is not a contradiction.   in other words, he has feelings for you  AND he feels he needs to be alone to work out some things. maybe he'll see a therapist, resolve some things, and come back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2dzc", "comment_id": "dcg4tfs"}, {"question": "what does \"I need to take a break\" really mean?", "description": "Want some answers from men's point of view, what do you really mean when you say \"I need to take a break?\"\n\nThis guy I've been seeing for 8 months, everything went pretty well, recently he's been acting distant, we haven't spoken to each other for almost a week. We are not living together, so usually we only saw each other on our days off. I really felt a bit upset and today I asked him what's going on,  he said he had lots of thoughts on minds about what he wants and stress at work etc. What bothers me most is when I asked him whether he's still serious about us he said he's not sure now. Before this, he told me he was committed to me and wanted to have a future with me.\n\nReally appreciate if I could get some advice on this situation. Thanks:)", "answer": "it means there's ambivalence. most of the time it means it's over. sometimes it  means a little space to evaluate.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f12gq", "comment_id": "diekrt3"}, {"question": "How do I quit my job?", "description": "I'm 16, and I work part-time at a fast food place. I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression and I'm finding that this job and balancing school is just making it worse for me. I don't know how to tell my boss I am going to quit because I'm socially awkward.", "answer": "Write a letter, \"this is my two weeks notice.   My last day will be x\".   They need no more justification than that.   \n\nIf they push for an explanation, just tell them that you are having a tough time balancing school and work.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "586nb5", "comment_id": "d8y9mzn"}, {"question": "My (20/F) boyfriend (25/M) makes insensitive comments. Do I leave?", "description": "So, my boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months now and he has this tendency to make comments about other women. He would make sexual innuendos regarding girls on ig, actresses, etc. and then proceed to tell me \"you know I think you're the most attractive.\" I have told him that it is unacceptable to me and he has made the effort to curb this behavior, but he did it again recently when we were watching a movie. Except this time he kept commenting on how stunning the actress was. Now, I understand that he isn't going to up and leave me for an unattainable actress, but the fact that he doesn't just say it once, he says it multiple times. Specifically, he'll continuously comment on the actress's features through the entire movie rather than make a single comment. By the end of the movie I have heard about how gorgeous this woman is more times than I can count. \n\nI'm not an insecure woman by any means as I have an older sister who did nothing but make mean comments about me growing up, so I had to learn to love myself. However, I feel like my boyfriend's comments are insensitive because of how much he repeats them and how animated he is when he says them. I also feel like he does it purposely to make me upset so he can then say things like \"you know I only love you\" or \"I would choose you over any of them.\" \n\nWhat do you think and how should I go about this situation? Am I overreacting? \n\nTL;DR my boyfriend says things that make me uncomfortable even though I have spoken to him about them before. Am I overreacting?", "answer": "he's immature. if he doesn't hear you, that's a big problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kthcf", "comment_id": "dbqhndd"}, {"question": "Should I take 1000 mg of Vitamin C without the doctor giving me a blood test?", "description": "I went to a sleep specialist recently and have been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (AHI=60).  My doctor recommended that along with my cpap, I take 1000 mg of Vitamin C, a teaspoon of Apple Cider Vinegar, and 1 mg of melatonin.  He never did blood work on me.\n\nI've read about Vitamins being unnecessary at best, dangerous over the long term at worst, but I'm really concerned that because he didn't take a blood test and has no idea what my Vitamin C levels are, that he's just proscribing something that I don't need.  I know the recommended amount is around 90 mg per day, so I'm just in general worried about what he has prescribed.\n\nAlso, isn't the apple cider vinegar thing an old wives tale?  And what about the melatonin?  I know that melatonin is what helps you fall asleep, but what are the long term results of taking artificial melatonin at 1 mg indefinitely?", "answer": "Apple cider vinegar is indeed an old wive's tale given new life by the pseudomedicine industry. Vitamin C supplementation is safe, but I don't know why it was recommended. 1 mg of melatonin might be helpful or might not be; for that, particularly for sleep problems, I'd defer to the sleep specialist.\n\nI doubt any of these recommendations are harmful, but without information on why I'm also skeptical about them being helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "93ge3k", "comment_id": "e3d8pec"}, {"question": "Is it wrong to ask a girl what are they looking for?", "description": "If they're looking for a relationship or just friends/etc?", "answer": "you should ALWAYS ask. that's a big problem of reddit folks; not clarify and defining enough.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6be87k", "comment_id": "dhlwjlo"}, {"question": "Very scared that I have diabetes", "description": "Hi everyone: \n\n​\n\nMale\n\n23\n\n50kg/110 ibs, but I think I've increased that to 54 kg/119 ibs \n\n​\n\n5 foot 10 inches\n\n​\n\nSouth Asian (Pakistani) \n\n​\n\n\\*\\*----------------------------------------\\*\\*\n\nBasically, I've had insomina for the past 2/3 weeks. \n\n​\n\nI took over the counter sleeping pills then after a week my doctor gave me zopiclone\n\n​\n\nThis didn't work and yesterday he gave me Mirtazapine. \n\n​\n\nI was awake for hours before I took the mitrazapine and I fell asleep for 18 hours. I woke up about 11/12 after taking it, but 6 hours later it became 18 hours which is when I usually wake up. \n\n​\n\nDue to this Insominia I haven't been going to the gym lately. I only went yesterday at 6am for rowing and leg workouts. \n\n​\n\nToday, I woke up and I felt like my brain was going to pop. I had this strange feeling. It's the feeling you get when you've slept a lot (say about 12 hours) right after you wake up, but it went on for hours and hours. I had breakfast and even went out so I walked about 30-40 minutes in total today. \n\n​\n\n\\*\\*I think the best way to explain this is feeling drowsy, but exactly drowsy\\*\\*. It's very hard to explain.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n\\*\\*It feels like I'm very tired without feeling tired\\*\\*. \\*\\*I didn't want to move or talk today\\*\\*. \\*\\*I don't feel tired (necessarily), but I feel extremely lazy\\*\\*. \n\n​\n\nFor the last few weeks, I've been eating a lot. I've had a lot of sugar, but also healthy high protein food to build muscle. As I've said, I've not been to the gym in the past 2/3 weeks, but I've been eating a lot. This has raised my weight by about 5kg to 55kg. \n\n​\n\nMy mouth also feels a little dry even though my oral hygiene is good, so I can't see this dry mouth as a dental hygiene problem. \n\n​\n\n\\*\\*I've also had some kidney pain in the last few days\\*\\*. This isn't much, but I think it's worth saying. \n\n​\n\nI've also woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, but to be fair, I've been drinking a lot of water at meals and I usually fall asleep after meals these past few days. \n\n​\n\n\\*So my question is\\*\\*. Does anybody think this is diabetes? \n\n​\n\nI'm kind of worried  because I have diabetes in my family (granmother and uncle), and I'm getting very serious about sports so of course this will stop me from going far. \n\n​\n\nThank you all. I know this a very strange and convoluted question, but I'm quite scared. \n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "Diabetes is easily diagnosed, but not online. None of what you describe sounds particularly suggestive, though. Waking up once to urinate is not alarming if during the day you aren't inexplicably thirsty and constantly urinating. Weight gain can cause diabetes, but isn't caused by diabetes, and a several kilogram weight gain is unlikely to cause instant diabetes.\n\nIt's easy enough to have your fasting blood glucose checked if you're concerned.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p2m48", "comment_id": "e7yks1u"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "A few of my friends have told me that I tend to avoid looking at people when they're talking to me. Reading the posts on r/socialskills, they say one of the key ingredients to confidence is eye contact. So I did a social experiment on myself. I found that I couldn't look at my friends while talking to them for more than 2 or 3 seconds. After a few seconds I feel really uncomfortable and the thought of maintaining eye contact is daunting. I've been trying to fix this but I can't help but look away or I'll feel like breaking out into a panic attack. Any advice on improving my eye contact?", "answer": "I wrote a guide to [making eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact). Perhaps you'll find it helpful? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19bkpz", "comment_id": "c8mm4e5"}, {"question": "\"ASK\" Documentary (Nov '16 Release Date)", "description": "I'm new to Reddit and had no idea a community of recovery existed like this. Very cool. I've been sober for 4 years and currently live in Dallas, TX and go to a group called DAA (Drug Addicts Anonymous).\n\nI'm posting to share a documentary I've been working on with a team of addicts and codependents for the past 2 years. We want to encourage people by hearing stories of alcoholics, addicts, codependents, teaching, and hopefully laughing. Our film is nonprofit and will be given away for free online.\n\nYou can see the trailer of the film here: http://www.askdocumentary.com", "answer": "Just watched the trailer....can't wait for the release. I'm an addictions counselor and would love to be able to show this in my group sessions to my clients. Thank you for doing this", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "56021h", "comment_id": "d8h9fh1"}, {"question": "(NSFW) Gonna set the record straight on the whole \"dick size\" debate.", "description": "I just read a post from a guy who says he feels emasculated by someone publicly mocking him for \"probably having a small dick\" because he's short. It irritates my pussy like you would not believe when people actually hurt the feelings of innocent dudes with the whole \"your dick is probably really small\" thing.  \n\nListen. I've been with all kinds. \n\nInterestingly, and consistently, the guys who have been horrible people to their core have ALWAYS been the guys with ugly dicks. Skinny dicks, crooked dicks, microscopic dicks, dicks that are too huge to even work. \n\nI've had incredible sex with \"below-average size\" dick. It's not the friggin size that makes the sex great. What makes sex great is the PERSON ATTACHED TO THE DICK.\n\nAnd ladies, if you're going to make fun of someone's dick, DO IT IN PRIVATE. A guy knows if his dick is bad. If you are an evil little man, chances are, your dick is bad, and, CHANCES ARE, the reason you are an evil little man is because you are so, so deeply *bent out of shape* about your repulsive, little dick. \n\nAnyway I might get hate for my opinion on this, but to that guy who posted who was sad about those dumb girls, here's a *tip*. Try romancing your date to the point where she won't even be clued in on the \"little\" issue. For instance, take her out or make dinner together, watch a romantic comedy, give her a little gift, and **make out in low light or candle light.** If it's dark enough, she won't even know how big or small it is, and once she's hooked on what you've got to offer, when she sees it later in the bright light of day she might even be shocked at what you can do with what you've got.\n\nGood luck, dude!", "answer": "I didn't know my dude had a small dick until he self-consciously brought it up.  It's not like we're down there with measuring tapes!  Just \u2669 \u266a \u266b \u266c LET IT GOOOOOOO \u2669 \u266a \u266b \u266c .", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2u5z1c", "comment_id": "co5zawp"}, {"question": "I'm too awkward I give up", "description": "I've tried for the past 4 years to be sociable. I got into an addiction and used it as a crutch to be sociable. When I'm sober I just can't handle it. I'm pretty much a mute. I'm so awkward. I probably gave off the creepy vibe without even trying due to my social ineptness. Now, if I try to talk to any one of the opposite sex I'm ignored or blown off.\n\nThe friends I had aren't really there any more. I feel like my social anxiety ruined my life and I committed social suicide. I don't know what else to do, except just give up.", "answer": "Have you thought about therapy? Therapy for social anxiety has effectiveness rates of about 70% for people that complete treatment. Those are very good odds, so it can probably help you too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4a4izc", "comment_id": "d0xkoox"}, {"question": "I can't keep any friends because of my anger issues", "description": "Even if they're people who agree with me on almost everything, I always find something trivial to burst into anger about. No one wants to be around me because of this behavior. I'm often able to hold it in around people but there's this sort of \"breaking point\" where I can no longer hold in my hatred and anger towards a person or group of people, and I just start acting really hostile to them, and it gets gradually worse. I just stormed off from a group of friends and implied I wouldn't come back, but I think they're glad that I did. No one cared to come and talk to me after that.", "answer": "No time to elaborate but mindfulness meditation can help with regulating this sort of explosiveness if you practice regularly", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "60suy6", "comment_id": "df9ngbd"}, {"question": "Need Advice on my relationship, [18/M] dating a [16/F].", "description": "I\u2019ve been dating this girl for 2 months now and we were friends for nearly 2 years before this and basically spoke every day at least over text. We do see each other at school most days and do pay special attention to each other a lot as we both love each other. But generally, she is the most amazing girl, but we generally don\u2019t share too many common hobbies. I feel like our conversations have been lacking quite a bit recently and I really want to fix this over both text and in Person. I do try a little harder when it comes to making conversations but we speak soo much and I just don\u2019t ever want this to die down? What can I do to try and improve this? \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Make sure she is a legal age of consent where you live.\n\nMost young people talk more than they need to because they're worried about losing the person. Shared hobbies are not important in the long run. Don't force the conversation. Talk about what you talk about, do things together, enjoy the time, find new and interesting things to share and talk about, read the same books, etc..", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbnr6", "comment_id": "dko4hoi"}, {"question": "Dealing with denial.", "description": "My mom's been struggling with addiction all her life. I learned about alcoholism at too young of an age, the first time she went to rehab. She was able to stay sober for about ten years until she relapsed. The whole family did a great job of denying the problem until she hit rock bottom. We had to go through the whole process all over again, but rehab got her back on her feet and she spent about the last 12 years drug and alcohol free. Within the last six months the \"symptoms\" have been re-appearing. Xanax. A doctor (who knows about her struggles) has prescribed them as a way to help her deal with panic attacks. She claims she needs it now to deal with the panic attacks. My father supports this claim because he says her panic attacks are probably due to undiagnosed hyperglycemia or a thyroid issue. Currently she's waiting for test results for those. The issue is, I don't believe either of them. To me it's obvious that she's panicking because she's realizing she has to start over. I sat down with them this weekend and told them that I don't deny there are panic attacks, but she's becoming dependent on the drugs and the cycle is starting all over again. They assured me that as soon as they can diagnose the problem that she'll be off the Xanax and things will be normal again. I can't blame my dad for his denial. He doesn't want to accept what he probably already knows - he doesn't want to go through it all again. Am I going doing the right thing by addressing the issue head on this time? What do I do now?", "answer": "I second the what is that doctor thinking comment. It would be better to get the test results back before giving an addict or alcoholic an abusable substance. Better yet there are non narcotic substances that this doctor ought to know about (buspar for example). Our doctor at my facility uses buspar on the clients here and it does work. Many doctors claim to understand addiction and don't which is tragic. \n\nThe problem here is that in cases such as this it is often impossible to tell someone what is coming. You did your part and said something. Now they need to hit a wall and discover the answer for themselves. Hang in there!\n\nThe real acid test is if the Xanax use will actually stop as they said. My gut says no.\n\nEdit: Also as the other user said withdrawal from benzodiazepines can cause seizures which makes his prescription of them to an addict even more amazing!", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "3qa470", "comment_id": "cwfgc70"}, {"question": "Running out of psych meds, can't get in touch with clinic", "description": "Age: 39\n\nSex: m\n\nHeight: 6'\n\nWeight: 220\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: na\n\nLocation: brain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: psych\n\nCurrent medications: paliperidone(oral),  mirtazapine, valium, prazosin, gabapentin, seroquel  \n\n\n Don't know what to do. I had an appointment last week at the clinic canceled because the person I see was sick for refills. Have been trying to get in touch with them, no results. Pharmacy has faxed requests for refill, unanswered.\n\nI will be out of my paliperidone(12mg/day), gabapentin(1200/day), and mirtazapine(30mg/day) tomorrow evening. I still had a prescription for valium(30mg/day), prazosin(3mg/day) and seroquel left.\n\nIs there anything I can do if I don't get in touch with the clinic? Will my primary doctor be able to fill these? Should I ration the pills I have to last longer? Really at a loss especially with things closing down. I'm very afraid to stop the medicine that I do not have abruptly. Should I go to the hospital if I can't contact them?", "answer": "Your primary care doctor is allowed to refill these medications, but its up to him or her whether to do so. Documentation that these are supposed to be prescribed helps, but the pharmacy records can provide that.\n\nCall your PCP and ask tomorrow as well as calling your psychiatrist's clinic again. See if there is a message saying who is providing backup coverage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvy1t", "comment_id": "fkpkz9v"}, {"question": "Need some advice on how to get out of bed in the morning.", "description": "Hey all.  So I'm at a low point in my life right now for a few reasons, not all of which are in my control.  I've been pretty good this past month about getting on with things, but there's one thing that I can't really seem to shake.  \n\nI find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning.  I currently spend about 12 hours a day in bed on average.  When I'm just awake and groggy, it just seems to be impossible to convince myself that getting up is going to improve my day in any way.  I think it is really negatively affecting my life right now.\n\nAs background, I'm a grad student, and I don't really have any responsibilities in the mornings.  I have tried many things, hiding my alarm, arranging to meet people at the gym, but so far nothing has worked.  Even if I get out of bed, I inevitably meander back, generally the temptation to go back to a carefree dreamlike state is overwhelming.\n\nI understand that I need to work on fixing the underlying causes for why I don't enjoy being awake so much, and I am trying.  But until I can, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on forcing yourself out of bed.", "answer": "Have you gone into your mind and reset your mental alarm clock? What does your alarm clock look like? How is it reset? How does it wake you? When would you like it to wake you? Try it!", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "so05f", "comment_id": "c4ftcbx"}, {"question": "What grains do you eat? Need help gaining weight", "description": "I am on a low carb diet to reduce some of my symptoms. I notice that brown rice gives me hormonal cystic acne. I am only eating wild rice, buckwheat and quinoa. What grains do you all need? I want to gain weight but also not have my excess androgen symptoms act up.", "answer": "Millet is a good, hearty GF option. Buckwheat is my #1 as well. Maybe some root veg if you\u2019re thinking carbs but concerned about inflammation?", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ap4e3i", "comment_id": "eg7h3xf"}, {"question": "Dr. says I don't need surgery for hernia, second opinion?", "description": "As the title says I (35m) saw a dr recently who diagnosed me with a mild Inguinal hernia after complaining of pain in my lower abdomen for the past month. He told me that I didn't need surgery and to come back should it start feeling worse. He also didn't really give me any limitations in terms of lifting, pulling or pushing other than the standard listen to your body. I realize I'm being a bit paranoid but should I seek a second opinion? I don't know anyone whose had a hernia who didn't need to get surgery. I'm also a bit paranoid because I have a trip outside of the country coming up and it terrifies me to think of something suddenly happening to me in an international country. ", "answer": "It might depend on what type of [hernia](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hernia/Pages/Introduction.aspx) it is... ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6mnedm", "comment_id": "dk2y93q"}, {"question": "Test results show high potassium and calcium and low neutrophils and urine creatinine. GP isn\u2019t worried, should I be?", "description": "Full test results here: https://m.imgur.com/a/279nE09\n\nI am an otherwise healthy 28 y/o white male, 6ft tall, 175lbs, only medication I take is Vyvanse 30mg per day for ADHD. This blood and urine test was just part of a regular checkup. \n\nI used to have pretty bad panic disorder and health anxiety but I\u2019ve been able to control my anxiety almost completely by practising mindfulness meditation. Even though my doctor assured me my test results are nothing to worry about, I feel myself starting to slip into my old thought patterns of worrying too much about my health, and I want to nip this in the bud. \n\nIf there are any health professionals here who can re-assure me I\u2019m fine, or let me know I should go for a second opinion I would greatly appreciate it, thank you! ", "answer": "You already got a good answer, but values 0.1 or 0.01, respectively, for K and Ca are insignificant. Being a tiny margin above or below the \"normal\" cutoff is almost always still normal. The cutoffs are arbitrarily set usually so that they'll flag things for doctors to look at that are still unconcerning rather than letting something slip that is a real problem.\n\nThe urine values just show very dilute urine. I'd guess that you fasted, had a lot of water before the testing, or both. It's not possible to conclude anything, but given that the rest of your labs are fine checking urine values isn't usually standard anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a260to", "comment_id": "eavmfvn"}, {"question": "Therapy", "description": "Does anyone incorporate therapy as part of their recovery? I\u2019m getting mixed messages at my AA group. I was in trauma therapy at my rehab and I plan to continue it. I truly believe if I don\u2019t heal from the past it\u2019s going to keep me sick. I have a history of sexual and verbal abuse I haven\u2019t worked through. My ex temporary sponsor tells me she addresses her alcoholism on a daily basis and that\u2019s all she needs to do. Also told me another girl did EDMR therapy and started drinking again. Fuck that. My past made me who I am today, I\u2019m a very frightened anxious person and I want to come out of my shell. Advice please.", "answer": "Whoever said EMDR made her drink again: nothing can MAKE you drink, but perhaps she wasn't communicating well with her therapist if things got out of hand. Therapists aren't clarvoyant, & if something is too much too fast, you have to tell them. It sounds more like she set herself up to fail.\n\nDo what works for YOU to keep you happy & healthy, & your group be damned. I'm biased, being a therapist myself, but I do agree with your sentiments. You get better by confronting your demons, & a therapist in individual sessions in conjunction with group will help you find yourself. Good luck!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "aov6m9", "comment_id": "eg4wiwj"}, {"question": "Survey about treatment: Take a 15-minute survey and be entered in a Raffle for one of four $25 gift cards (moderator approved research post)", "description": "Have you been in treatment for depression or anxiety in the past 5 years? Take a brief 15-minute survey for a chance to win one of four $25.00 gift cards. Help us advance the science of mental health! Follow the link below to reach the survey:\n\n[link to survey](https://umich.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_0Ncpu1IN9CmAhF3)\n\nParticipants must have received treatment including therapy or inpatient treatment in the past 5 years and be 18 years or older. Participants with a history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other conditions featuring psychosis are not eligible.\n\nThank you for your time and consideration.", "answer": "This survey is horrible. I backed out after about twenty poorly worded and poorly constructed questions about some Center that doesn't apply. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5n79g0", "comment_id": "dc9swvg"}, {"question": "QT Prolongation and Anti-depressants", "description": "30 years old. I have a defib/pacemaker implant I got when I was 21 because it was discovered I have a super long Q-T interval. I'm in Oregon and I plan on going to a doctor but it takes forever to get seen so in the meantime I'm wanting to gather as much info as I can so I can tackle the most important stuff first when I finally get seen.  \n  \nI want/need to start anti depressants but I'm worried that they'll make my heart issues worse. I've seen some research studies on anti depressants causing QT prolongation and I'm wondering if there are some that don't. I've nearly run out of solutions and it seems that anti depressants are needed in conjunction with the other things i do to cope and recover, but I'm afraid it will only make things worse. Should I not be worried since I have a degib/pacemaker implant? Should I avoid anti depressants?  \n  Thanks for your help!", "answer": "That's an important discussion to have with the prescribing doctor.\n\nAll antidepressants are certainly not equal, and there are different long QT syndromes with different risk. (LQT1 seems to have higher risk of medication-induced tosades than LQT2) I would definitely avoid citalopram (Celexa) and probably escitalopram. Some, like fluoxetine (Prozac) and bupropion (Wellbutrin) have lower risk. In people without higher risk before taking medications the risk is essentially zero; I don't think it's well established in people like you.\n\nWith an implantable device your risk is lower because you have that as a fallback, but it's still a lot better not to rely on getting shocked in case of emergency. It's the kind of device you want to have and not need.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bxikus", "comment_id": "eq71i0b"}, {"question": "Is it wrongto internet stalk your therapist?", "description": "I saw a post with someone going into details about how they cyber stalked their therapist (nothing illegal) and got a very negative response, with someone saying that their therapist should discontinue, it was a breach in trust, and etc. this made me paranoid bc I did the exact same thing. I googled, facebooked, etc... mine for quite a while. Going pretty deep and managing to find quite a bit with little to work with. If she found out do you think she would be upset? Should I tell her?", "answer": "As a therapist we know that it's pretty likely that some clients we work with are going to attempt to find out as much about us online as possible, so most of us go to fairly great lengths to keep what we don't want seen off of the internet and keep our social media profiles private.  Those of us that are less tech savvy and/or aware don't  \n\n\nI'd say that it's pretty creepy either way when we find out that this happens to us but whether the therapist should or shouldn't discontinue therapy with you has a lot to do with your reasoning for doing this and whether or not you're willing to own up to it and discuss it with them.  \n\n\nI can't tell you whether she'd be upset or not but I do think you should tell her.  If your relationship with your therapist is crossing into a place of obsession or boundary crossing, it's better that it be put out on the table and discussed, as whether you like it or not, they may not be the best therapist to help you with whatever it is you're trying to get help with.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ep8v11", "comment_id": "fehwa7o"}, {"question": "Ekg test", "description": "Been doing tests for things that have surfaced in my family like type 2 and afib. 44 years old male pretty healthy \n\nDoes an ekg give a decent indication of whether you have afib? Test results say normal sinus rhythm so Dr said everything was good, but I didn't specifically ask about afib ", "answer": "Atrial fibrillation is, by definition, a rhythm that is neither normal nor sinus. At the time of the EKG there was no afib.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pwuvs", "comment_id": "e0enxqv"}, {"question": "[22/f] I'm seeing someone [22/m] who I really like but I can't stop worrying", "description": "Sorry for the vague title, but I'm wondering if anyone could weigh in here to help me feel at ease. I've started regularly seeing this guy who I'm really starting to fall for. There are tons of things about him that I like and its been a long time since I've felt this way for anyone. \n\nHere's what I feel good about:\n\n\n\n\n-He's more of a man than other guys I've dated, ie more mature\nHe wants me but doesn't NEED me\n\n\n-logical, so he balances me out \n\n\n-genuinely good person\n\n\n-smart\n\n\n-organized\n\n\n-respectful towards me and others\n\n\n-self aware\n\n\n-opinionated\n\n\n-levelheaded\n\n\n-practical\n\n\n-awesome sex\n\n\n-hot body\n\n\n-shares a lot of my values\n\n\n-not afraid to follow his gut\n\n\n-takes calculated risks\n\n\n-takes the lead\n\n\n-I can be myself around him\n\n\n-caring\n\n\n-depth and passion under the surface\n\n\n\n\n\nThings I'm worried about:\n\n\n-conversation might run dry\n\n\n-overlapping but somewhat different senses of humor \n\n\n\n\n\nI am sexy and he loves my art and music, so I'm not worried that he's not attracted to me. Right now he's very into me. I'm just convinced deep down that we'll run out of things to say to each other and he'll get bored of me. Also, I'm by no means a push over, but I am extremely easy going. Its not because I have no back bone, but because I can easily see different sides of things. I'm scared he'll want someone sassier and feistier than me and that I won't be enough of a \"challenge\" to keep his interest. This is the first guy who's come along who I've felt this insecure about (besides high school infatuations a long time ago).\n\nAm I being pathetic? How do I stop worrying? is the sense of humor thing a problem? Also, we talk a lot in person but he doesn't really text me. Does that mean something? I feel insane right now, its kind of out of character for me to feel like this.", "answer": "First of all, I have assumed that the two of you have defined what this relationship is.  I'll go further and assume that you are defining it as a serious committed monogamous relationship. I'm not sure why you think the conversation might run dry. There's always something to talk about especially for people in love. And you sound like a pretty together person so I somehow don't think that conversation is going to run dry anytime soon. I wouldn't worry about different senses of humor because in the big picture that's not a super important kind of thing that every couple has to share exactly. I think you're just anxious because you really like this guy, perhaps more than anyone you've ever met, so when that happens we're more afraid of losing the person, thus we worry more. I would just try to relax with it and enjoy it and just be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, don't worry about sassy or feisty or anything like that. People either love us for for us or they don't. We have no control over that because because all we can do is be ourselves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qe5cl", "comment_id": "dcyk6c7"}, {"question": "Waited 3 months to get referred for DBT since my overdose/diagnosis, just been to the GP for an emergency appointment and to check my referral has gone through - I've been referred... for guided self help.", "description": "I want to give up. Been given citalopram to try and help short term but I'm terrified of meds after sertraline made me hallucinate. \n\nFeel fucking hopeless. \n\nI've had guided self help before I was diagnosed with BPD and it was awful. The woman called me promiscuous and said I wasn't trying to help myself so it wouldn't work for me. ", "answer": "He/she should NOT have put you on another SSRI.  Make sure to monitor your mood carefully for signs of repeat episodes.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7nm1di", "comment_id": "ds3t8uk"}, {"question": "Am I too sensitive?", "description": "Alright, my best friend of 9 years just says things to me that makes me feel dumb. I\u2019m not saying that I can\u2019t be picked on I love roasting my friends and they can roast me too. But i don\u2019t know, this past weekend just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. To sum it up, I was singing a song to my SO and my SO thought I made it up. I didn\u2019t make it up, but my friend said \u201chahah how talented do you think she is?!\u201d There\u2019s been other scenarios similar to this one. Am I just being too sensitive? Or is that kind of fucked up to say to someone?... also background to this specific friend, they are extremely sensitive... I myself, would never say that to them. ", "answer": "That\u2019s fucked up to say. I would talk to them about it and let them know you would never talk to them in that manner because you respect them too much and you deserve that same level of respect! Wow. I\u2019d be really hurt too.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ale6s1", "comment_id": "efd9jv7"}, {"question": "How do I (F/22) handle moving past the honeymoon phase with significant other (M/23)?", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. He is wonderful and i love him dearly. I have noticed small changes in our relationship, such as not texting/calling as much as usual, or not having special moments as once before. He told me we were past the honeymoon phase of our relationship when all of these things are more prominent and there is no need to worry- that we are just growing and settling as a couple. \n\nThis is my first relationship and I'm not quite sure how to accept the fact that there is actually such thing as \"a honeymoon phase\"- that all of these changes are normal. Could anyone share any experiences or thoughts?\n\nAny advice would be very appreciated ", "answer": "Think of anything new, like a beautiful blouse, that you were absolutely crazy about when you bought it. Remember that feeling the first half a dozen times you wore it? How did you feel about it when it was 6 months old and you had worn it 50 times?\nNothing is  exciting like NEW.  The challenge of a lifetime together, is keeping the spirit and the core of your love intact, when a zillion other things are demanding your attention. My folks were romantically, sexually enthralled with each other for 70 years.  But did my Dad write her love letters for seven decades like the ones he wrote the summer he met her? No.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s3yes", "comment_id": "ddc7k2s"}, {"question": "Gift ideas! Creativity rewards double XP.", "description": "My girlfriend [16F] is mature and amazing beyond her years, so don't let the number fool you. She's a painter and multi-media artist, a guitarist and singer/songwriter, a school and club soccer player, a motorcyclist, a strawberry genetics research intern at the USDA, and a bioengineering hopeful. Not to mention the sweetest and most thoughtful person I've ever known. She's worth the world to me, but unfortunately I don't have that kind of cash, so I'm trying to buy her something creative but inexpensive. We live in the PNW and I'd like to have something for her by this time next week.", "answer": "make her a macaroni card. Or a flip book of your favorite times and dates together. Your most memorable memories.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1fetlp", "comment_id": "ca9jyd4"}, {"question": "Don't know where to start, too many issues and zero help", "description": "Hi! I've been seeing DBT exercises only but I'm really confused. I cannot find websites in my own language and it's been a long ride trying to express myself in a language that isn't mine. I've also been a couple of years without '' awareness / realization '' and it make it very difficult to take actions for what I'm experiencing. I have anger issues mainly and it's the reason I want to do DBT to heal! I don't have support from my family, I have no friends & I cannot have a therapist / counsellor because I have no money and live far away from everything literally. I feel lost and numb. I need support ! Thank you. Merci beaucoup si y'a des Fran\u00e7ais qui ont lu cela h\u00e9siter pas \u00e0 venir en PV", "answer": "  \nLa chose la plus proche que j'ai pu trouver est la suivante, mais je pense qu'ils sont destin\u00e9s aux praticiens, pas aux patients. Je ne connais pas assez le fran\u00e7ais pour savoir s'ils ont ce que vous cherchez. Je crois que celui de 2000 correspond davantage \u00e0 ce que vous recherchez.\n\nLinehan, M.M. (2000). Traitement Cognitivo-Comportemental du Trouble de Personnalit\u00e9 \u00c9tat-Limite. Gen\u00e8ve: M\u00e9decine & Hygi\u00e8ne.\n\nLinehan, M.M. (2017). Manuel d\u2019Entra\u00eenement aux Comp\u00e9tences TCD, 2e \u00c9dition. Traduction de Paco Prada, Rosetta\u00a0 Nicastro, Nader Perroud, Gen\u00e8ve\u00a0: M\u00e9decine & Hygi\u00e8ne.\n\nBien qu'il ne soit pas sp\u00e9cifique \u00e0 DBT, ce site Web contient des ressources que vous pourriez trouver utiles.[https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/fr.htm](https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/fr.htm)\n\n​\n\nVeuillez pardonner ma traduction Google: ne parle pas Fran\u00e7ais.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "h09qm0", "comment_id": "ftl5qfg"}, {"question": "I have no real friends. Someone made any, after having none and as a grown up?", "description": "Feeling like 30yr is too late.\n\nThe thing is - I have friends. I will be invited to several massive hangouts. \nEvery single person I know has better stuff to do, people to meet with and etc. it's only by coincidence I get invited, after someone cancels. \n\nPeople will cancel scheduled hangouts with me, being set by me mostly and I can't find a single person to be with me, just for having fun.\n\nNothing else is going right. all I have in my life is money. no SO, just a couple thousand dollars. \nI have one dear friend, the first person to ever meet with me - but her budget and time are limited - and like anyone else in the world, I guess she would prefer other people for special occasions \n(for example - I have a lot of \"invitations for two\" but no one to go with, and I'm sure no one else will think of me as his number two).   \n\n\ntl;dr How do I become the person people wants to hangout with and not just turn him over for the next girl in sight?\n\n\nEDIT:\n\nThank you.\nI WILL TRY TO CHANGE MY LIFE.\n\nBETTER IS COMING.", "answer": "I would recommend the [Start](http://www.amazon.com/Start-Escape-Average-Matters-ebook/dp/B00CHVIVMY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370022347&sr=8-1&keywords=start) book. It's focus is more on starting to do work that matters to you, but honestly it's helpful for any kind of significant life change. It has some really useful advice for getting started on changing your life for the better, and it talks a lot about the fear of \"Now is too late\" (hint: it's never too late!)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1fepic", "comment_id": "ca9lksp"}, {"question": "Faking a mental illness", "description": "Is it possible to make yourself believe you have a mental illness and act on it? I guess you cant actually get a disorder just by your will but can someone unintentionally make themself believe they do have it? And act on it?\n Sorry if its dumb", "answer": "This isn't a dumb question at all.  It happens quite frequently.  We are pretty good at picking up on people who feign mental illness, and we have a number of measures that support our clinical judgment.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "egunmb", "comment_id": "fcal765"}, {"question": "Risk of getting salmonella from a very small amount of raw chicken?", "description": "I just ate a very small bit of raw chicken about 30 mins ago. It was from a small packet of chicken feet from China, so the size was only about as large as the meat from one of its tiny fingers. We didnt know it had to be boiled.\n\n What are the chances of getting salmonella?", "answer": "No idea, but if you're fine after a couple of days then you've probably got away with it.\n\n[Salmonella poisoning](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/salmonella-infection/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6f2jea", "comment_id": "diexk0m"}, {"question": "What happens if I admit to my doctor that I'm suicidal?", "description": "I've been depressed for the past two years, this past year its advanced from depression to being suicidal. I haven't told anyone about this and kept it pretty well hidden though my grades and life in general is starting to slip. I'm considering telling my family doctor about it but I have some concerns. For one, my parents can never find out. I also can't go to a psych because I wouldn't be able to keep that away from my parents and because of the cost. And finally, I'm concerned about what would happen if I admitted to him that I often think about killing myself and have a plan to go through with it? Would he be required to call the police or whatever? \n\nI just want to get some anti depressants to see if that would help. ", "answer": "1) How old are you? If you are over 18, then you have nothing to worry about, the doctor cannot say anything to anyone unless you agree. If not, then you don't really have a choice in the matter in a lot of cases. But, you're parents can be a great support, and I would highly recommend bringing them into your situation. Obviously, I don't know much about your situation, so this might not be true. \n    \n2) Yes, doctors are mandated reporters. If you tell him you are thinking about hurting yourself or someone else, and he thinks there is immediate danger, he is required to report it through the proper means. But, that does not mean you will be put in a psych hospital. The best thing would be to go and be honest, and try your best to feel better through the means you have and can get. A voluntary visit to the psych hospital will be much better than the one you are forced to go to, and you'll hopefully get help either way. \n    \nAt this point it is about you and your health. If anyone thinks less of you because you need and are trying to get help, they are wrong. Please be safe, please do not go through with your plans. If you think that is possible, please call emergency services or a suicide hotline instead. I don't know what has brought you to this point, but someone's life would be less without you in it, and if nothing else, that's something to live for. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xluzi", "comment_id": "cfci65j"}, {"question": "Recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts", "description": "Hello!\n\nDo you have any recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts made by an actual professional in the field?\n\nIf it matters, this is for someone who is planning to get married for the first time.\n\nThank you so much!", "answer": "Not sure if they have podcasts.....but there\u2019s videos and info available from both of these:  Gottman institute and Sue Johnson (Emotionally focused Couples Therapy). I love both of these and they have some similarities.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehtwkg", "comment_id": "fcmfybz"}, {"question": "I realized something horrible about my depression and now I'm terrified", "description": "Having depression ruins our general interactions with people. I believe we all know this. However, I also realized I might never be able to be a parent because I would be so unfit as a person with depression. In addition, we are constantly told \"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else\". I might never end up with anyone. So I will literally most likely end up alone and childless if my depression never improves or goes away. I'm terrified now. ", "answer": "Do what you can to come back into the moment.  Realize you are responding with fear to ideas which are not real in front of you, at best possibilities which may not come true.  Breath slowly and deeply to relax and ground yourself.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2qf8b0", "comment_id": "cn5njs1"}, {"question": "[16F] I have a really weird reaction to graphic medical equipment and would like advice", "description": "Occasionally when I'm in situations where I'm exposed to graphic medical equipment or gore (It's happened when I needed to get several vaccinations at once, when watching a documentary about abortion and one about FGM), I have a really strange experience. I feel really sick and hot and my vision goes almost pixelated with lots of black dots. I feel very physically weak like I might faint and can barely move my hands. My hearing is like I'm underwater and I barely feel present. It lasts about 15 minutes, and afterwards, I feel very drained. I was just wondering what it was and how I might cope with it (usually the triggers are unavoidable). My friend said it was similar to the way she felt when she had a sort of low blood sugar episode.", "answer": "Blood/injection vasovagal syncope is common. SqueeIng large muscle, like tensing your legs, can counteract the drop in blood pressure that leaves you feeling woozy and bad. Deliberate exposure can make the effect wear off, but you can decide whether the problem is frequent enough to need treatment. If you do choose it, CBT/exposure therapy is the way to go.\n\nVasovagal syncope isn\u2019t itself risky or harmful, just uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dvfh27", "comment_id": "f7ce1ww"}, {"question": "Taking more than perscribed Bupropion", "description": "My daily dosage is 250mg, but in hopes of feeling better from my worsening depression I took 300mg yesterday and 450mg today. What side effect could I see? Is the dose too high?", "answer": "Don't take more than 450. I did once on accident and ended up needing to take an ambulance to the ER and stay overnight in the hospital. It was horrible, terrfiying, and really fking expensive. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dn3rs", "comment_id": "di4aa49"}, {"question": "Antipsychotics?", "description": "Is anyone else on antipsychotics for BPD and depression? They\u2019re about to put me on abilify.", "answer": "That's more like an atypical antipsychotic/ mood stabilizer. It's not like a true antipsychotic. I've seen more than a few people get helped tremendously by it and others hate it or, even worse, love it but can't handle the side effects. \n\nIMO it's better than Geodon or Seroquel in many aspects. I still wouldn't like having to use it unless I was having some serious problems with emotions or reactive behavior.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ex8gk4", "comment_id": "fg6x6j4"}, {"question": "Does my case of social anxiety/insecurity warrant therapy? Or am I just making excuses?", "description": "EDIT on Title - What i mean by 'excuses' is just does my situation sound like one where therapy is the right choice? or do I need to just break habits on my own - because social anxiety and insecurity are pretty common. Not sure how anyone can answer that, but felt like putting my feelings out there on this. \n\n​\n\nI'll try to keep this brief, as this is likely a common and/or low-value post to the sub. **I'm wondering if - given my story below - you'd think therapy is worth my time/money, and what kind I should look for. I know nothing about therapy haha.**\n\n​\n\nI'm a 29 y/o man, and I often feel very troubled/down due to social anxiety and insecurity. I find it extremely hard to take risks/commit - and it feels like I'm just too scared to live life. I think it's driven by my fear of judgement/embarrassment, and it's something I've never been able to overcome.\n\n​\n\nI have a very loving/supporting family and a good career; but at age 29 I've essentially never dated or felt comfortable meeting new people. I have a decent social life, but it's primarily all of the same friends I've had since high school/college - and I'm not *really* close with anyone of them. I feel like my friend group is what it is because it's been the most convenient.\n\n​\n\nI'm realizing more and more that despite all the things I have going for me, I'm unhappy. Unhappy because I feel inferior, and I've never been able to overcome these fears of mine. The fact that I've never dated as a man in his late 20s is really starting to weigh on me.\n\n​\n\n**Conclusion:** I'm thinking about trying therapy because maybe it'll help me understand why I have these fears, and that may help me overcome them. But I also know social anxiety and insecurity are common things - and seeking therapy may be another excuse im telling myself to procrastinate or avoid getting better on my own.\n\n​\n\nThanks for reading, any comments/experiences/pieces of advice are appreciated. God bless.", "answer": "Therapy can not only help you understand the underlying reason *why* but can also challenge you to take small risks with support and \u201ctools\u201d so you can widen your comfort zone. Look for a CBT or DBT practitioner.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5z2tc", "comment_id": "es5b5pm"}, {"question": "Permanent acid trip?", "description": "18/m/no medical issue or medications. Im having visual issues. When I look at patterned flooring, like tile or carpets, they vibrate out of my fov.  Like anything im not focusing on vibrates and darts around. I also see faded lines and stripes on things like the drapes and ceiling. Also tiny black dots, kind of like really little bugs that last for maybe a millisecond. I've never done any drugs.", "answer": "This isnt abnormal. Unusual visual experiences in your peripheral vision isn't a sign of mental instability. The eye isnt as good at perceiving visual stimuli on the edges.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "53aa1d", "comment_id": "d7rm0hb"}, {"question": "Help please! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?", "description": "Help! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?\n\nMy husband was admitted involuntarily 3 days ago in a NSW hospital due to bipolar manic episode.  I've attempted to see him twice yesterday,  both times they wouldn't let me in because \"the ward was unstable. \" they said it was HIM disrupting and being violent.  He wasn't violent before he went in. When I asked the nurse if this is a reaction to new meds, she said NO and practically kicked me out of the centre. On the phone he told me they've slammed his head on the floor etc. Now I feel like he's being abused in there, they refuse to let me see him, I feel like they're hiding something.  Wtf do I do??\n", "answer": "While I've never been to Australia, I used to be a therapist at a psych hospital. Mania is really unpredictable, which is why it is dangerous (especially for the manic person). I've seen normally docile people become very aggressive when manic.\n\nIn the USA at least, the hospital can't share details with you unless the patient explicitly agrees to it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2flbz1", "comment_id": "ckabv6j"}, {"question": "PhD thesis defense in 6 days, starting to feel sick today", "description": "Hi everyone! I am 28 years old, male, 180 lbs, 6' tall, and non-smoking.\n\nFirst of all, my PhD defense is next Wednesday (in six days). It was extremely difficult to set this time up with my committee members, and it's possible that it's the last opportunity I'll have this semester with all of their travel, as well as coronavirus concerns quickly shutting down several functions at our University. In addition, I have a job lined up to start directly after this semester ends so postponing it another semester is not really an option either. \n\nAnyway, for the last two weeks I have literally locked myself in my house to study and prepare for my defense. I occasionally go to the campus to meet with my advisor, but there no known coronavirus cases in my city. I have been definitely anal about NOT getting sick the last week - I'm washing my hands every 30-60 minutes, taking 6 eccinasia per day, and drinking 2 airbornes every day, because I absolutely could NOT get sick for my defense. Especially considering I just recently got over a cold about 3 weeks ago!\n\nHowever, today I woke up with a cough that won't quite go away, and more mucus in my throat that is coming out yellow. Am I totally screwed? Do I need to plan alternative actions? \n\nIs it possible that I'm either not getting sick, or that it'll be over before next Wednesday, or that I can do anything at all to hold it at bay until after my defense?\n\nTLDR: PhD defense in 6 days, but starting to get sick today, despite being overly cautious after getting over a cold three weeks ago. What do I do?!", "answer": "I wonder if you could ask about doing your defense remotely - like by Skype or Zoom? Lots of places are compromising and accepting teleconferencing for normally in person activities.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhisby", "comment_id": "fkbjhc1"}, {"question": "Professional Needed for Interview", "description": "Hello all! \n\nI apologize if this is against the rules\nI am a Junior undergraduate studying clinical psychology and social work at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I am currently enrolled in a Theories of Psychotherapy class, and am asking for some assistance. One of our assignments is to interview a professional in this field about their method of practice, how they run their practice, why they chose that particular model, things like that. If anyone would be willing to do a quick interview that would be great! We could either video chat or message, whatever is easiest/most comfortable. If you would be willing to help me out, please PM me. Thank you again!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of people willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmwn73", "comment_id": "fl90hdu"}, {"question": "Accepting my (23/f) boyfriend's (23/m) flaws???", "description": "Hello! \nI'll preface all of this by saying that I do have generalized anxiety disorder, and am VERY prone to overthinking/overanalyzing things and how people respond to me and others. I notice every facial expression, body language, everything! I'm very self-conscious about my own personality and often question whether people actually like me. I get annoyed with people easily and I'm quick to notice their negatives. I am in therapy and have been working on this for as long as I can remember.\n\nAnyway, I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and he's my best friend. He's incredibly thoughtful, responsible, hardworking, caring, handsome, and sexy. However, I've been noticing some things lately. First off, I'm 5'5 and he's 5'7 so we're pretty much the same height. Obviously if I had a huge issue with this I never would've started dating him in the first place. But I do worry about what OTHER people think of him. His friends give him crap all the time about being \"short\", plus I hear jokes about other \"short\" guys and it makes me really self-conscious about it what people think when they see us together. He's also confident in himself and will share stories about his experiences if their related to the conversation. I often worry that people think he's \"bragging\" or something like that, but again I'm also very self conscious about sharing my own experiences because I don't want to be that person either, so maybe it's my own insecurities coming out. He grew up really poor and never had the money to get his teeth fixed/cleaned regularly, so I'm also worried that people judge him for that too.\n\nI feel so terrible admitting all of that because he treats me SO well and accepts all of my flaws and imperfections, and encourages me to be myself and even prefers me without makeup in sweats with my hair up. \n\nHelp :/  \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "You're overthinking. Successful relationships are all about loving someone enough that you accept the whole package. If you have a loving relationship and good health, NOTHING else matters until  babies come along", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzxz6", "comment_id": "dloxolp"}, {"question": "Online therapy", "description": "My beautiful Mon died in the overnight hours and I am unable to function under the weight of my grief. Is there any reliable online therapy available?", "answer": "Where are you located?  In the US, most therapists are offering teletherapy right now.  Therapeer is also a great app you can download for peer support.\n\nI\u2019m so sorry for your loss.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h7lj1k", "comment_id": "fulwnfc"}, {"question": "How to effectively take a mental health day?", "description": "I\u2019ve been feeling really stressed with school and personal life stuff recently. I\u2019m Seriously considering taking a mental health day from school, how can I make the most of it? Right now I just want a stress free day so I can play videos or read or do whatever with no stress but I don\u2019t Know it that would be the most effective way to do it. Any advice would be great, thanks!", "answer": "Most important thing is to not sleep in.  Wake up at the same early time you would for school/work if not earlier so you can make the most of your day.  If that's a hard sell, force yourself, get coffee.  \n\n\nDo things that you need to do to get caught up so you're no longer feeling behind if that's something that's been stressing you and take time to have fun.  Leave your house/apartment and go do something that's out of the ordinary for you.  Getting stuck in a routine is something most of us fall into from time to time and it can really add to stress over time.  Rather than doing more of what you usually might do (tv, video games, whatever), go do something completely different (take a short walk somewhere in nature or at a park, check out a nearby town you've never been to and grab lunch, spend the day learning a new skill, whatever it is so long as it's different than what you normally do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "be0cgk", "comment_id": "el3kj5g"}, {"question": "I took some medicines and it makes me feel like an airhead all day. Can you help to tell me which one?", "description": "Yesterday I visited a doctor about my left shoulder pain. He said I have tense muscle on both sides of my shoulders. After the first day on medication, my shoulder pain is almost gone but I'm curious which medicines make me unable to focus (even trying to make proper phases for reddit post is really difficult) and sleep all day long. When will I feel like my normal self again after medication? It's not like I feeling terrible. I just can't think properly.\n\nHere are the medicines.\n1.Omeprazole 20 mg.\n2.Tolperisone 50 mg.\n3.Mobic 7.5 mg\n4.Baclofen 10 mg.\n\nI'm not an English speaker. I may make some grammar mistake (even more while I'm on medication).\n\nThank you very much.\n", "answer": "Most likely the baclofen, which is a CNS depressant (makes your brain less active) and fairly commonly makes people feel fatigued and sometimes sedated. You're on 3 different muscle relaxants and unless there's definite need for it you could discuss with your doctor decreasing or stopping the baclofen. It isn't something that should be stopped suddenly if you've been taking it for a long time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "906zqq", "comment_id": "e2o7ild"}, {"question": "How do I motivate myself to keep losing weight?", "description": "I started at about 305 in February and I\u2019m at about 230 right now. I was doing okay but I really haven\u2019t lost any weight since the beginning of November, this is mainly due to me losing a lot of the motivation to keep losing weight. I always told myself that I\u2019d be attractive once I lost weight but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be true anymore, I just feel so disappointed and defeated that it\u2019s hard to convince myself to go to the gym or be super strict about counting my calories. \n\nI haven\u2019t gained any weight because I really don\u2019t want to go back to being that big but it just feels so pointless to keep trying when I\u2019m not going to be attractive when I\u2019m skinnier anyways. I don\u2019t know how to convince myself to lose the weight because it would be nice to be at a healthy weight for the first time in my life, but I just can\u2019t find a reason to keep doing it. \n\nIll appreciate any advice you can Throw my way", "answer": "Check out r/loseit , they have a great community over there and I'm 100% sure you will find some people there who have been in similar situations.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e8f3yv", "comment_id": "fabldwi"}, {"question": "Give me a reason not to drink today", "description": "Thank you all I didn't drink.", "answer": "Turn that question on yourself.\n\nI could give you 100 reasons not to drink, but ultimately none of them matter if you're reliant upon other people to maintain your sobriety (or to begin it; I don't know your situation).  Odds are you know what will happen if you choose to go get drunk: what it will feel like before, during and after, the patterns that will begin and/or continue, etc.  No one else can provide you with a reason as compelling as your own desire to improve the quality of your mental, physical and spritual health.  If you're set on drinking, you're going to drink, and it won't matter what an anonymous internet stranger tells you.\n\nSo, again, turn that question on yourself.  If you're being honest with yourself I bet you'll find plenty of reasons not to drink.  You can find all the support in the world, people who will go to hell and back with you if you were serious about getting sober.  But nobody can make the decision or do the work for you.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "224d9l", "comment_id": "cgj7tc3"}, {"question": "Sober for 7 years with a best friend in and out of recovery. NEED ADVICE", "description": "I\u2019m going to try and keep this as direct and to the point as possible but we have an immense amount of back history that pertains to this situation, so it will be difficult.\nBest friend since middle school. We both liked to party as teens and young adults and by our mid 20\u2019s we both became addicted to heroin. I had a short run, around 18 months. My friend has been going on and off for 9 years. Lost both her kids, brother overdosed and died last February. Father died unexpectedly in 2009, mother is an alcoholic. The girls been through it.\nWhen I did a stint back in 2013 and got paroled to a sober house about an hour away from my hometown I decided it was best to start over in a new area because \u201cpeople, places and things\u201d definitely hindered my sobriety. \nJump to 2018, my friend is struggling HARD. She is now suicidal and tells me she just wants to buy a bundle and end it all. That\u2019s when I jump in full force to \u201csave her\u201d \nWithin 48 hours she has moved in with me. We set the rules and make a plan for her recovery. You guys need to know that leading up to this she had already been to multiple rehabs. \nHer moving in with me was a last resort. \n\nSo, she moves in. She finally has a safe, warm and clean place to stay, with food in the fridge and anything she may need at her fingertips. We (husband and I) lay out our expectations; meetings, drug tests, contributions to the household (accountability) \nI helped her get a job right away and we agreed that I would monitor her income and store her money in a safe we had in the house and would essentially make sure she wasn\u2019t buying dope with her paycheck. All was well, she lived with us for 3 months. Once we all felt comfortable with her progress we found her a nice one bedroom apartment and at that point she had saved enough for the security deposit, first months rent and still had a sizable amount of money as a cushion. So we go and open up a bank account for her and within days she relapses.  Fortunately, it was a quick  relapse and she got back on track. It\u2019s been about 2 years now and since she\u2019s been in such close proximity to me I get to see her often and know when she\u2019s using and  when she\u2019s not using. We have a very open relationship and she has always been honest with me (when I confront her) (stinger)\nI know there has been multiple relapses but she always owns it and gets back on track....\nToday was different. And this is where I need some help. I stopped by her apartment like I do all the time and her boyfriend (who has been in and out of her life for 4 years) walks outside and has marks on his arms and hands that were very clearly injection sites. \nMy friend is smart and was wearing long sleeves, cause I would have freaked out if I saw that on her and she knows I\u2019d call her out. \nSo friend walks to the front of the house to spray for ants (the reason I came over, to bring her some spray) and I ask her boyfriend about the marks on his arms (very nonchalant) like, \u201cdude, what happened to your arm?\u201d He then quickly says he had blood dawn and changes the subject. THESE WERE NOT MARKS LEFT BY GETTING BLOOD DRAWN. \nAs I continued our conversation I made a point of Discreetly checking out the rest of his body. His hands had the same marks. I know all about injection sites and I knew right away with the location of his marks and how they looked that there was no doubt in my mind he was using.  I can only assume that my friend is also using.\nI\u2019m at a point where I feel I\u2019ve done everything I can do to help her in her recovery and to help her stay on track. \nIt pains me to know that no matter what I say or do she is going to continue to make her own choices and essentially continue to dig her own grave.  I\u2019m beside myself. I don\u2019t have \u201cgirlfriends\u201d \nI grew up a tomboy and she really is my only true friend. \nI don\u2019t know how to interject at this point. \nI feel like I\u2019ve done everything I can possibly do to help her. It\u2019s so out of my hands. \nI reached out through text, essentially saying \u201cyeah, I know what\u2019s going on but I love you regardless\u201d \nBut, the big question is, how do I continue our relationship in a healthy way for us both? \nI wish I was in a position to put everything in my life on hold to make sure she doesn\u2019t relapse again but that isn\u2019t a reality. She\u2019s a big girl and I feel that at this point no matter what I say or do, she is going to do whatever she wants regardless of the support she has and the consequences that lie in her continuing to use. \nI don\u2019t know how to continue our relationship. Do I distance myself? Do I express myself honestly and in turn hurt our relationship? Do I allow the distance and spend who knows how long wondering how she\u2019s doing? \nI feel like I need to be easy with all this because I\u2019m so afraid she will shut me out and I won\u2019t know when she\u2019s struggling and she won\u2019t be comfortable reaching out to me.  It\u2019s such a delicate situation. I\u2019m really at a crossroads. Any insight or advice would be great appreciated.  Such a rant, thank you to all that made it this far.", "answer": "I would really encourage you to look into Al-Anon. If you Google \"detaching with love\" you will find an Al-Anon pamphlet that I think may speak to you. Just like there's no way to tell a person how exactly they should do their recovery from addiction, there's no way for any of us here to give you the exact perfect answer to the questions you posted. For example, \"should I be honest and hurt our relationship?\" ... Well, I don't know, is being dishonest protecting the relationship at the expense of hurting *you*? Is there a way to be honest that isn't hurtful? Is the point of life to always avoid being hurt at all costs? Only you can ultimately answer those and many more questions that I imagine are coming up about this relationship. I don't know what your direction should be, but I do believe in your ability to find it, and I encourage you to find support that will help you focus on *you*, and not just on your friend.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "gmf428", "comment_id": "fr3o09w"}, {"question": "Tips on Making proper eye contact?", "description": "Not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this question, but I have trouble making eye contact with people.  Where am I supposed to be looking exactly? Or HOW am I supposed to be looking?  I have a tendency to just look at 1 eye, which isn't correct obviously.", "answer": "I wrote a quick [guide to eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact) that might help you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "45n5bz", "comment_id": "czzbcxb"}, {"question": "I'm going to end it.", "description": "I think that I've finally come to a decision, it's too much, all this bullshit life has given me is hurt and despair, and I've done nothing to deserve it. It seems as though I am a mistake I've never had happiness, so I'm going to kill myself.", "answer": "Hey dude. I hope you dont! Its like 3 am here but if you need someone to talk to PM me", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "76anl4", "comment_id": "dock9zk"}, {"question": "I never thought I could see myself as anything but undesirable.", "description": "My whole life I have hated myself. Not just my body, but myself as a person.  I was \"fat, ugly, unintelligent, unpopular, etc.\". Anything I could use as ammo against myself, you bet I was on it.  I fed my body til I ballooned in weight, I replaced food with drugs and alcohol til I lost it, then I gained it back again. I took lighters and razors til my body til it was covered in scars, I tried to kill myself twice.  I felt like scum, subhuman, and because that was the image I portrayed I attracted people who would only further that idea more.  The thing that sticks out the most is being 16, and at what was just about my heaviest weight.  I was dating a boy that I thought I was 100% in love with.  Looking back now I see what  a shitty person he was but at the time I took every awful thing he said to me to heart. He slept with another woman, a girl with a body that I would consider to be perfect..he had no reasons for me other than \" I wanted to see what it was like to be with a girl that was that hot.\"   I stayed with him for another year. Why? Because I felt like I DESERVED  what he did to me.  And why not? I was \"fat and ugly\" after all.   \nMy journey to healthy self image started with everything but my body, first I realized that I was pretty funny, then I figured mayyybe I was kind of smart. Its slow going  but I'm seeing myself as a person for the first time. A woman with scars and stretch marks, big tits, big hips, and a soft ass. I'm not perfect, but I've got parts of me that are pretty damn good.\n\nhttp://m.imgur.com/a/BiNIP", "answer": "It's so true that we come to like ourselves by realizing our insides are pretty awesome. Once we get past that point, suddenly our bodies become pretty cool too.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "2498zh", "comment_id": "ch51djs"}, {"question": "Xanax withdrawal - hits like a freight train", "description": "Just want/need to talk to anyone who has gone through it, the symptoms I'm having are super weird and I'm not sure what's going on.", "answer": "Check YouTube. It can be really scary. Pain, nausea, depersonalization, fatigue, memory shit, loss of emotion, temp blindness, rash, constipation, diarrhea, the yips. YouTube benzo withdrawal and remember they aren't you. Get a Dr that knows what they are doing with it. Good luck and don't go back on them to get away from it because you've made it this far. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "643re8", "comment_id": "dfzck7y"}, {"question": "I'm a teenage girl with a great life and I want to kill myself.", "description": "I have a wonderful life. My family is exceptionally amazing and my friends are all really genuine and supportive. I've had self diagnosed OCD and anxiety disorders since I was really young, but those aren't the core reasons in me being suicidal. I honestly don't have any reasons.\n\nBasically the only reason I hate living is because I want to die. I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense, I'm just trying to type what I feel. If this receives any comments, they'll all be about how life is \"worth it\" because of the \"moonlit beaches\" and \"beautiful nature\" and whatever other motivational cliches you can think of. But the thing is that I'm aware that spending an evening on a moonlit beach with someone I love is supposed to make me happy, the problem is, it doesn't. And I can't figure out why. And I'm scared.", "answer": "Please look at [the post I just wrote](http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/csrba/just_so_you_know_that_theres_a_good_chance_that/). Like you, I was a teenage girl with a great life (supportive family, caring friends, good grades, promising future) and was still depressed and suicidal. Now I'm neither depressed nor suicidal, and I'm grateful every day that I didn't kill myself a few years ago when it seemed like the only option.\nYou say your OCD and anxiety are self-diagnosed -- have you told anyone about your problems? It was painful and difficult for me to do that, but it's necessary. Please seek help.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "crg9x", "comment_id": "c0uyn73"}, {"question": "Why do I hold my breath when I cry?", "description": "Female, 28, Caucasian, non smoker, non drinker, 112lbs and 5ft5\n\nWhenever I am very upset I find I have been holding my breath and suddenly will take a gasp of air. \n\nIt\u2019s happened in front of other people too in which they\u2019ve told me to breath and rubbed my back. \n\nI don\u2019t realise it\u2019s happening initially and then a minute or so later I realise and breathe.\n\nWhat might cause this reaction? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "It is common in children, but less so in adults, to hold their breath when in distress. From your story I conclude this has always been the same for you when you cry since childhood? It may be a reflex that in development usually fades, called 'breath holding spell'. I don't think any testing or imaging will reveal why you do this, it's just the way it is for you.\n\nHere is a link to a description of breath holding spells in children:\n\n [http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php](http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php) \n\nDo you ever faint when holding your breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b7q4yr", "comment_id": "ejtxr2t"}, {"question": "I can no longer afford to see a counselor for my depression", "description": "Last year my insurance was fantastic. I could go to any counselor in my network and I had zero copay. It was great. \n\nI just got a new job this year which I'm happy about but my insurance is terrible. They won't pay for any of my counseling sessions until I pay a $1500 deductible first. After that, they will only pay 50% of the counselor's fee. Seeing a counselor now would cost me $500 a month. That's more than my car payment. I just can't afford to see a therapist anymore. \n\nIs anybody else in the same boat? Any advice? \n\nThanks", "answer": "I am a therapist and sadly had the exact same thing happen to me.  2 options that I would recommend, first look around and see if you can find a therapist willing to work with you on a sliding scale.  Usually small private practices will take your income into account and offer to see you for a certain amount of sessions at a lower rate before slowly increasing up to their usual rate.  These therapists and/or agencies can be difficult to find but they're out there.\n\nAnother option is seeking out group therapy for depression.  Group therapy is often used by people in your situation because it's generally much more affordable than individual therapy sessions.  Some people even find it more helpful.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7yrnpt", "comment_id": "duio8oc"}, {"question": "Not sure if this is ok but really wanting advice", "description": "I\u2019m the wife of an alcoholic. We are currently going through what was a separation and now has turned into a divorce. I\u2019ve cried my eyes out. Begging him to get sober... and begging him to understand how I feel but it seems like he\u2019s just cold now. I\u2019m in shock. Like total shock. I don\u2019t know how to get through this. I\u2019m in Alanon and active on the Alanon Reddit. I\u2019m also in therapy. But If anyone who is on the other end and has sobriety under their belt has time to message. I think hearing the other perspective will help me. Right now I just feel discarded and thrown away by a man I gave my everything to ... who I thought was my best friend. Just so sad. Thanks for listening", "answer": "Step 1 - admitted that we are powerless over alcohol in all its forms. We're also powerless over other people, their actions and decisions. Speaking as a \"double winner\" as well, I feel like the insanity I experienced attempting to make the world and other people as I would have them be to be even more painful than the insanity I felt attempting to make alcohol and other substances work in the way I wanted. The good news is that there's a solution to this problem of trying to control the uncontrollable which starts in Step 2. Keep going to meetings and work with a sponsor, you can move through this.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "jtuvrn", "comment_id": "gc8h5rj"}, {"question": "Will Medikinet Adult(Ritalin) make my ADHD worse?", "description": "Hello,\n\nI just got Medikinet Adult(Ritalin) prescribed from my psychiatrists and while I was reading about the long term side effects I learned that your ADHD will get worse when you stop using your medication.\n\nCan someone confirm this? I am currently afraid of using it since my ADHD is already bad and if I at one point want to stop using it for some reason I dont want to have it even worse.\n\n​\n\nHere a snippet from an article:\n\n>They took 18 never medicated ADHD adults and did PET scans on them before and one year later. They compared the ADHD adults to 12 normal control subjects, also scanned at baseline and then a year later. The ADHD subjects treated with the drug showed a 24% average increase in dopamine transporters, while the control subjects showed no increase in transporters.\n\n​\n\nAge: 25\n\nHeight: 185cm\n\nWeight: 90kg\n\ngender: M\n\nmedications you take: None(YET!)\n\nsmoking status: Not smoking\n\nprevious and current medical issues: ADHD\n\nduration and location of complaint: My whole life\n\n \n\nThanks for any advice", "answer": "Getting information from Amen Clinics is not a good idea. Dr Daniel Amen is a notorious quack who uses un-validated methodology and bilks patients for thosuands.\n\nThat said, here's the original paper:  [Long-Term Stimulant Treatment Affects Brain Dopamine Transporter Level in Patients with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0063023), and a more recent one one Ritalin specifically: [Chronic methylphenidate preferentially alters catecholamine protein targets in the parietal cortex and ventral striatum](https://www.scopus.com/record/display.uri?eid=2-s2.0-85060305958&origin=resultslist&sort=plf-f&cite=2-s2.0-84877766209&src=s&imp=t&sid=1572f788a679eac25d391f2dbb0325d6&sot=cite&sdt=a&sl=0&relpos=3&citeCnt=0&searchTerm=) \n\nBut compare another recent meta-analysis and review (though not in ADHD):  [Effects of stimulant drug use on the dopaminergic system: A systematic review and meta-analysis of in vivo neuroimaging studies.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30981746) \n\nThe overall summary I would give is that the picture is complicated and the basic science not ready for making clinical decisions. What is abundantly clear from larger-scale data is that treatment of ADHD with stimulants like methylphenidate (Ritalin) improves outcomes on a wide variety of metrics.\n\nThe \"may get worse\" is very different from \"definitely gets worse, don't take Ritalin.\"", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bphyzk", "comment_id": "entcwc9"}, {"question": "[31/f] Is my husband's[30/m] relationship with his former student[f/18] something I should be concerned about?", "description": "My husband Davis and I are 30 and 31 respectively and have been together on and off for 15 years, married for 3. Despite having a very rocky relationship in our teenage years, we both grew up and managed to make it work, and I have never had a reason to distrust him in recent years. I've never had a doubt that he loves me unconditionally and would never intentionally hurt me. \n\nDavis is a high school teacher, and in general has very good relationships with his students. There is one girl, Shay, that he was a lot closer to than all the rest. Shay and my husband have very similar personalities, and they just clicked right away. Shay eventually ended up confiding in him about a lot of personal things that she was struggling with, including a verbally abusive mother, a father who abandoned her, and an eating disorder. These were all things that I myself had struggled with in high school, and Shay's life was actually shockingly similar to my own. Davis had helped me through all the same issues when we were teenagers, so he was able to support a lot and really help her in much the same way he helped me.\n\nAt the time, I thought it was wonderful that he was able to do this for Shay, because I know exactly how hard these types of issues are, and having Davis to support me was one of the only things that got me through them. Davis was very open about his relationship with Shay, and Shay is a very genuinely good person, so I never had any reason to worry. \n\nShay graduated last year, so I assumed that was more or less the end of her contact with Davis. I knew they would probably keep in touch, but I figured it would be pretty shallow communication. This morning, when I was leaving for work in a hurry, I accidentally grabbed Davis's phone instead of my own. I was just about to call him and let him know when a text from Shay popped up. My curiosity got the best of me and I read their messages. It seems they have been talking a lot lately, and their texts even date back to when Shay was still his student, which I was unaware of. \n\nShay is still struggling with a lot of stuff, which didn't surprise me at all, as I know first hand that these things don't just go away overnight. Some of their texts were of that nature, but some were just small talk and a lot of catching up. It seems they text almost daily, just keeping the other informed about what's going on in their life. \n\nI'm more than a little surprised and a little bit uncomfortable with the situation. Davis is offering Shay the same level of emotional support that he offers me, and it seems he is helping her deal with her issues in the same way he helps me. Initially, this did not bother me, but for some reason it now makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think either of them are aware that their relationship might not be appropriate, and they definitely are not being malicious in any way. However,when I think back to high school when Davis supported me through all my struggles, and I remember how close that made us, I can't help but worry it will do the same thing for their relationship. \n\nI haven't brought this up to Davis yet but I plan on doing so today. Before I do, I'd like to know if you think this is inappropriate or would be uncomfortable with the situation, or am I overreacting?", "answer": "I would be concerned. If nothing else, for the sake of appearances. I almost guarantee that this type of contact would have been grounds for sanctions when he was her teacher. What if his school found out? What if they decide this is a pattern of behavior? At the very least it sounds like he's crossing some boundaries in spirit, if not in practice. Is he really willing to risk his teaching license and career for this? What does that say about the value he places on your relationship if so, if he's willing to put his family's livelihood at stake?\n\nI would go to counseling with him to see what is up. Clearly there is something he is getting out of this relationship with her... Whether it's feeling needed/.wanted, hero worship, or..... Ahem... Something else. In any case, you need to have a long hard talk about it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1uhpw5", "comment_id": "ceiauhk"}, {"question": "I was never notified of positive Lyme disease results...", "description": "I know Lyme disease is a controversial topic, but please bear with me. \n\nI am a 24-year-old female living in the USA. I\u2019m 5\u201911 and 180 pounds. Non-smoker and no recreational drugs. Medications I take include my birth control and I currently taking doxycycline 2x/day. \n\nTo the story: \n\nI\u2019ve have some on going health problems over the past couple months \u2014 namely exhaustion, hair loss, orthostatic hypotension. I won\u2019t get into the details, but long story short, my PCP referred me to a cardiologist just to check things out. \n\nI had the appointment and they did a echocardiogram (normal) and a 24 hour Holter monitor (NSR, SB, ST, and SA) which was unremarkable. He also decided to order a few blood results, a CBC and Lyme panel \u201cjust for the hell of it\u201d. \n\nThe same day, I heard from my PCP that my CBC came back and I was anemic \u2014 she recommended taking OTC iron pills. No mention of the Lyme test, which I obviously knew hadn\u2019t resulted yet. The next day, I left on vacation for two weeks. Never received a phone call or message while away. \n\nWeeks later, I decided to pick up the test results, namely just wanting to see my CBC results. All of the labs drawn that day, including the Lyme disease results were printed and given to me. \n\n[RESULTS](https://imgur.com/a/1OZCesm)\n\nNow, I don\u2019t have a trained eye but these are very obviously positive. My antibodies were positive and it was automatically reflexes to a WB test, which was 1/2 positive. \n\nFollowing this, I called my PCP to ask her to review the results. She confirmed that I tested positive for Lyme disease and prescribed me 4 weeks of doxycycline 2x/day. She apologized for not catching it, which is completely *not* her fault. She said she would take measures to report this (near) miss. \n\nWhat actions will she likely take? Do I need to do anything? \n\nI get that things fall through the crack and I don\u2019t believe I have any notable symptoms \u2014 it\u2019s probably a red herring find, but wise to treat nonetheless. I know it\u2019s also reportable to the state health department...", "answer": "Lyme disease isn't controversial in itself. *Chronic* Lyme disease is, and it drowns out the straightforward diagnosis and treatment of the acute tick-borne infection.\n\nThere's nothing that you need to do. The case should be reported because Lyme disease infection rates are tracked, but that's not important to you personally. You've gotten appropriate treatment prescribed and will hopefully feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fimcbs", "comment_id": "fki2ygf"}, {"question": "Psych meds and (possible) nicotine poisoning?", "description": "18\n\nMale\n\n5\u20198\u201d\n\n120lbs ish\n\nCaucasian (mixed euro and indo)\n\nCanada, eyes and heart\n\nMental disorders\n\n5mg Valium twice daily, 100mg Gabapentin twice daily, 10mg Dexedrine XR each morning, 30mg Mirtazapine nightly, medical cannabis and nicotine via vaping \u2014 throughout the day\n\n**So,** I\u2019ve been mixing my own vape juice and late last night I spilled a bunch all over my hands, not wearing gloves like an idiot. Couldn\u2019t sleep, was sweating nonstop, nauseated, salivating, sore eyes, the whole shebang\n\nToday was okay until I vaped. Fast heart rate, euphoria, profuse sweating, and anxiety instantly hit me. Shortly followed by pounding heart, dysphoria, hypertension, hyperreflexia, burning eyes, restless sitting, slight abdominal discomfort and slightly blurred vision. Persisted for ~8 hours and here I am at midnight with no family doctor and my psychiatrist is on vacation\n\nI\u2019m scared to take my medication, I want to know what information I can get (digging will take centuries to even speculate). I\u2019m not asking what to do I\u2019m not tryna break rules like that, I want to know if this seems unsafe from your perspective\n\nI\u2019m going to rather stay up until I can see my doctor or I\u2019m going to emergency ASAP\n\nEdit: I was initially scared to have a seizure but I haven\u2019t really twitched much. Now I\u2019m scared of cardiovascular problems (been to the hospital for  ~~anxiety~~ SVT-like symptoms under the influence of a stimulant and because my mom has a heart condition) and CNS depression; I don\u2019t want to have to vape to stay up. Maybe I\u2019ll end up passing out and this thread will have 0 comments and turns out I was safe the whole time", "answer": "Have you told your parents? Do you live with (on of) them?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bczxnu", "comment_id": "ekuwabm"}, {"question": "I feel like an alien in a human suit", "description": "I have Adhd and people constantly treat me like a child. They think I have low intelligence because I constantly zone in and out and dont catch what theyre saying. It happens all the time. Another example, we were on this trivia app the other day and I wasnt getting answers correct. They blatantly said \u201cI wanna see her take an IQ test haha\u201d or \u201cI bet if you took an IQ test, the score would be higher than we all think it is.\u201d Im so sick of it. I can\u2019t sit still all the time, like when were watching a movie on the couch. She asked me to stop moving but I subconsciously do it anyways. One of my friends said to me \u201ci\u2019m gonna sit on the floor because you\u2019re moving too much and its annoying me.\u201d I live in a dorm with these people so I can\u2019t just move out and stop being friends. I feel like a second class citizen in my friend group. It makes me feel really bad about myself; like some sort of alien in a human suit. ", "answer": "I\u2019m really sorry you\u2019re struggling with this. Have you shared with your roommates that you have ADHD? I know that might feel really vulnerable to share with people who have already been shitty to you, but given that you live together, it seems like them not knowing what is going with you may be doing more damage. They need to understand that you\u2019re struggling and that the way they\u2019re treating you is adding to your struggle. Likewise, you need to make sure that you\u2019re doing everything you can to manage your symptoms, for yourself first and foremost, but also because your roommates need to be able to live with you. I don\u2019t mean that to sound harsh. But I think we do, to a point, owe the people who spend the most time with us our best effort in managing our symptoms, since those people are impacted by our symptoms too. Yours sound like they\u2019re really hard for you to manage and are negatively impacting you. So I\u2019m wondering if you\u2019re receiving treatment of some sort right now? If you are, do you need to try something else? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9x5zjf", "comment_id": "e9py5q5"}, {"question": "[Me: 27M] Breaking up with someone [23F] part 2", "description": "I was dating someone for ~3.5 months or so but we haven't seen each other in a month -- I mad a previous blog about this, so long story short we were casually dating, she asked \"where do you see us going,\" and I was upfront and said I didn't foresee anything serious and I only wanted to date casually. We took a break from talking because I had law school exams/Thanksgiving/job; and in that time I decided that I didn't want to continue the relationship for various reasons.\n\n\n\n\n\nIt was advised to me here that I tell her that I didn't want to continue seeing her in person rather than through text or something. After my finals I texted her asking how she's been doing, saying that I'm done with my stuff and so on... and she replied once with something casual like \"same old same old... I've been bored.\" And I replied to this text with a question asking if her job had been any better and so on. She hasn't replied to that (been about a week). \n\n\n\n**SO here's my question:** She hasn't replied to my attempt at a conversation -- should I still try to \"officially\" break up with her in person, or at this point is it pretty much established by both of us? On the one hand - I do feel like after seeing someone for ~3.5 months, she deserves something and I wouldn't want her to feel like I just ditched her; but on the other hand, at this point I feel like it may cause even more problems if I try to re-establish a conversation with her for essentially the sole purpose of meeting up to break up with her officially. Should I just let it be? Or alternatively, should I just send her a text and say something like: \"hey I haven't heard back from you, is it safe to assume that we both are happy moving our separate ways?\" or something like that? Part of me feels like getting official closure is nice, but part of me feels like if she was attached to me (which I think she was), it may be better to just leave things this way rather than potentially hurt her feelings more?\n\n\n\n\nAny advice would be appreciated !! \n\n\n\n\nFYI: previous blog here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/5hcm76/me_27m_am_confused_about_how_to_break_up_with_a/ ", "answer": "you're right to want face-face closure, but if she won't do that you have no choice but to write it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc1zg", "comment_id": "dbmwptg"}, {"question": "5 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand", "description": "1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you\u2019ll ever have.\n\n2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)\n\n3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.\n\n4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.\n\n5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you\u2019re going to be able to think your thoughts, listen to your music, and play your audiobooks for hours and hours on end. Is there anything better?", "answer": ">Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.  \n  \nI booked a solo vacation, 2 weeks in Thailand.  Laid on the beach, rode a rented bicycle.  First week I was at a ritzy hotel with a jacuzzi in my room... just .... jacuzz'd.... all day with my audiobook.  Free kayaks to borrow, kayaked over to a different beach with no people, laid out my towel and listened to podcasts....\n\nWhen I felt like socializing I booked a day-tour snorkeling and made friends with any other singles on it, or the tour guide.  Or a sweet couple from Brazil.  Or one from China.... India...  It was great controlling my socialization so completely.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2vb6et", "comment_id": "cogpj11"}, {"question": "How to deal with post-facts, gaslighting, conspiracy theories?", "description": "I'm having a negative knee-jerk reaction whenever I see an article or post related to political, ideological, or informational shenanigans. Although it's healthy to have skepticism, I'm not mentally prepared to interact with these topics in person or with the people who have these ideas or thought processes. How should I go about thinking about these things or treating people? Also, as someone who tends to interpret things literally due to having mild autism, is it better to learn how to deal with this or to remove myself from this?", "answer": "Some people are really interested in discussing politics.  Some people aren't.  Some people absolutely hate talking about politics.  There's nothing wrong with being either one.  If it's not for you, just excuse yourself from conversations or ask to change the subject.  \n\n\nAs to the last question, that's entirely up to you.  It takes a lot of work to desensitize yourself to the things that trigger your anxiety.  Is the benefits of not having that knee-jerk reaction worth the amount of work it's going to take?  If so, then by all means, put the work in.  If not, then it's entirely fine if you choose to remove yourself from these kind of conversations.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb4t05", "comment_id": "ekhamy3"}, {"question": "[17M] I've never had a relationship out of shyness", "description": "I'm extremely shy when it comes to relationships. I've never had a girlfriend once in my life. I've tried very few times, but most of those times I didn't advance beyond talking on Snapchat (the \"wyd\" snaps). I've never been on a date with a girl. I haven't even held hands with a girl, let alone have a first kiss.\n\nI've been told that a few girls had interest in me, but I was too scared to take action. I have no clue what to say to a girl that is interested in me or that I like. I've had a few text me that say that they are interested in me, but I declined because they aren't my type (my standards aren't that high).\n\nI've felt I missed out a lot on my teenage years by not having any romantic experiences. It feels weird looking at Instagram or Snapchat and seeing tons of couples together. Any help for making my last two years of HS better?", "answer": "Social media is a complete mindfuck for your generation.  I\u2019m sorry you have to deal with it but also so happy I grew up in the generation where it was just coming into being when I was in late high school early college.\n\n\n\nThe reality is that a ton of people around your age are exactly like you.  People try so hard to put up a positive image/facade on social media it\u2019s easy to start believing everyone else\u2019s lives are great while yours sucks.  In reality, more people than not are in the same boat as you.\n\n\nYou\u2019ll face your fears when you\u2019re ready.  That\u2019s really what it\u2019s all about too.  When you want it bad enough, you\u2019ll say \u201cfuck it.  It\u2019s going to be terrifying, possibly embarrassing, but I\u2019m just gonna go for it.\u201d  You\u2019ll have lots of high highs and very low lows, but you\u2019ll learn and get better at dealing with it.\n\n\n\nAs far as straight up practical advice.  Don\u2019t try for a \u201crelationship\u201d.  No real relationship starts out by someone saying \u201chey do you want to be my girlfriend?\u201d The way most kids in school think and try to do.  If you\u2019re in to someone, even if they might not be your dream partner,  just ask them if they want to hang out and do something fun.  That\u2019s a date.  If you hit it off, do it some more, and it might lead to a relationship, if not, move on and try with someone else.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "93vpl5", "comment_id": "e3gdl8p"}, {"question": "Mental health research paper focused on illicit drug use", "description": "I  am currently writing a research paper on whether specific mental illnesses can have a determining effect on which type of illicit drugs people are likely to abuse in order to try and gain a better understanding of both mental health and substance abuse. I am almost done and not looking for anyone to do my work for me, but I am interested in what you all think in regards to the study. ", "answer": "Im an addiction psychiatrist.\n\nBasically theres no correlation to the best of my knowledge - its more about availability of drugs in the local area. Ultimately people tend to seek alleviation of distress through whatever means possible rather than shopping for specific substances. There may be subtle differences between the various mental disorders, but id be surprised if its statistically significant. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "786s9h", "comment_id": "dorzzms"}, {"question": "Did my gf have a seizure, if so what caused it?", "description": "Girlfriend is 32, female, about 5'3,168lb, Caucasion.\n\nEarlier today tried to drink something but couldn't swallow it (she described it as a lump in her throat was blocking the Pepsi) and within seconds she said she fainted.  I walked in just as I heard her coughing to find her on the floor.  She was making a horrific choking and gurgling sound as she was spitting and drooling and little foamy, her eyes were open but just staring blankly at the ceiling and her entire body was shaking from her muscles being tense.  I tried to turn her in case she was sick but she was so rigid I couldn't.  By this time I'd called 999 (I'm in the UK) and after about a minute her long sort of rasping exhale ended and she stopped breathing and started turning bright red and purple.  Then suddenly she went completely limp and started to breathe again.  After about 3 minutes in total she sat up by herself and over the next hour (now accompanied by paramedics) she vomited 3 times but each time it was mostly just clear mucus.\n\nShe's taking an anti-depressant called fluoxetine I think a 20mg dose a day, but after a family bereavement she's (understandably) not coping well and she started taking 2 a day bring her to 40mg (I think) over the last couple of days - the dose she was originally on before her doctor said she could lower it if she felt she wanted to towards end of last year.\n\nAnyways, her ecg, blood pressure and whatever other tests they did came back normal.  They couldn't give an exact answer to why this happened other than a boiling over of stress and anxiety, her menstral cycle and a change in meds.\n\nI don't want to doubt the professionals but watching this was one of the most upsetting things I've experienced and wanted more answers!  The paramedics were also vague on labelling what happened, they just kept saying that it might've been a fit or just fainting but this seems a bit more exteme than fainting.\n\nEdit - said she was drinking water but it was actually Pepsi.  Also she has no memory other than the difficulty in swallowing and then being sat upright on the floor after the whole episode.", "answer": "On balance, id probably agree with the docs that saw your gf. I'm not wholly convinced that this was a tonic-clonic seizure - onset and recover seem pretty abrupt. I'm also not convinced that this was due to low blood pressure. I guess the best way to describe it is that it was a pseudoseizure.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qe0lj", "comment_id": "dkx7qwq"}, {"question": "How should a therapist respond to your diagnosis questions ?", "description": "Today I brought up the possibility of me being bipolar and only feeling good because I'm manic. I'm not displaying symptoms of classic mania but I'm just concerned that me no longer feeling suicidal and depressed is not because I'm getting better happier and healthier while sober but because I'm manic. \n\nThis concern stems becayse of a diagnosis - rather quickly after 5 mins - I got at 19. \n\nI've had depressive episodes in my life but they usually were becayse of bad relationships or toxic jobs. \n\nAnyways how should a therapist approach a concern from a client about a certain illness or disorder ? She said she didn't think I had it.\n\nWould she be able to tell after 5 sessions if I was?\n\nShould she have asked more questions as to why I think that ?", "answer": "For many of us (therapists), we don't really put too much stock in diagnosis in general.  There have been many studies that show diagnosis overall is not very accurate and consistent between clinicians.  On top of that, diagnoses are not diseases in the way many people think.  Generally, they're patterns of symptoms or behaviors that when lumped together, someone can apply a label to, but don't really speak to the person as an individual or what their specific experiences are.  \n\n\nIf you and your therapist are someone who puts a lot of importance on diagnosis, I would say your therapist who has seen you for 5 sessions can give a much more accurate impression of what you would be diagnosed with than what you got after a 5 minute psych eval/intake?  \n\n\nFrom my own personal experience, it's pretty rare that folks who do internet dives and research certain diagnoses are correct in diagnosing themselves (this includes me when I thought I had Bipolar while in college).  The diagnosis I was given when I went for treatment much more accurately described my experience than what I thought, though once again, not very important in the grand scheme of things as far as my learning to cope with and/or overcome my symptoms.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cqynhu", "comment_id": "ex2dzvf"}, {"question": "Boyfriend has really high heart rate sometimes", "description": "Today my boyfriend sent me screenshots of his heartrate while having one of these episodes, and the highest was 166 bpm. I know maybe a smartphone is not the most accurate, but this is really worrying us. He has no health insurance, and we're in America, so... \nHe's had his heart tested before, but they never found anything abnormal at the time. \nHe is 29 yo, 6' 4\" and about 135 lbs, and takes escitalopram for anxiety.\n\nEdit: Not sure if I got his weight right. I think it's more like 165lbs. He is quite tall and slim though.", "answer": "Exercise should raise heart rate. Anxiety can as well; while anxiety isn't itself abnormal, anxiety out of nowhere and over nothing is treatable. The elevated heart rate of anxiety isn't pathological or harmful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvtj9", "comment_id": "fkpm8mi"}, {"question": "This comic understands.", "description": "[Saw this online and felt the same way.](http://imgur.com/2nHPcKw)", "answer": "Wow, I felt exactly like that the other day when I had to go meet with my recruiter, who is trying to help me find a job.  I had to dress up and do my little song and dance to come across like a normal person who will fit in perfectly in the corporate world.  I pulled it off, but I felt like a fraud.  Good thing they couldn't see the state of my house or how I spend much of my time curled into a fetal position on the couch with my dogs and cats.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17c0w4", "comment_id": "c844y4w"}, {"question": "My mom locked me in the car because a black family parked next to us.", "description": "We parked at a gas station and my parents wanted to grab a coffee. I didn\u2019t want to go with them to continue watching my show in the car. They never lock me in case i want to open the door to get fresh air or whatever, but this time my mom locked the door. I looked at her with a confused expression, and she pointed over to the car next to us where a black family with two kids had just parked. The mom was white and went to the cafe with her kids and the black dad stayed at the car looking at his phone like any normal person. I looked at my mom again and I couldn\u2019t shut my mouth again. I was speechless.\n\nI don\u2019t know where this belongs to but it makes me so upset how hateful my mom can be against people who look different or come from a different country. They were doing nothing wrong. Nothing. ", "answer": "I'm dealing with this too. My dad forwarded me a horribly racist email and now we're fighting about it. It sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97a7mb", "comment_id": "e4706vr"}, {"question": "My own OB won\u2019t doesn\u2019t want to examine me, she just tells me to NOT have sex because I am \u2018young\u2019", "description": "Hey guys, but I really need your thoughts/opinions on what I'm experiencing rn\n\nSo about 3 months ago, I got my wisdom tooth removed and was prescribed antibiotics. Fast forward for about a week later, i felt an extreme burning feeling /pain down there so I went to the doctor. She gave me medications (I took them though those weren't antifungals, she just gave me another set of antibiotics) the pain subsided and I thought I was okay after a couple of weeks so yes, i tried having sex. It was so bad that he couldn't even put the tip in. Anyways , I decided to move to another doctor as the first one didn't believed it was caused by antibiotics.\n\nUpon moving to the second doctor, I told her my experience. She prescribed me a fluconazole to take for 9 days. She told me to just continue it for about 2-3 weeks. So a week after my medications were done, i thought I was already okay. I did try to have sex, but again, it felt so painful we couldn't even push it in. This sounds so embarrassing but I don't know who to ask on what to do, because my own doctor just told me \"to NOT have sex because you're still young\". That wasn't even my point. I can avoid having sex for as long as she wants but what if it still hurts the next time I try? I didn't need her judgement, i needed to know what was going on inside my body, and how I could properly heal. She didn't even want to examine me. Am I wrong? I don't know what to think anymore. It's so expensive in my place to even see a doctor.\n\nIn case you are wondering what my age is, I am 21 years old and me and my partner are clean and hygenic. He was the first one I have ever had sex with and it is the same for him. I don't want to self medicate but I am not seeing much improvements to the fluconazole the was prescribed to drink once every three days to me. Are there other ways that I could do that might help?", "answer": "Whether or not you should be having sex, which is really not up to your doctor when you're an adult, refusing to do an exam when there may be a problem sounds negligent. I'm not a gyn, but even prescribing without actually doing some verification of what's being treated sounds iffy.\n\nSo I agree with the chorus telling you to find a new doctor, but I'm adding a few more reasons to it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "decrla", "comment_id": "f2vv6rn"}, {"question": "I\u2019m afraid that I don\u2019t have ADHD", "description": "If I don\u2019t have this disorder, then I\u2019m afraid I am just mentally deficient in some way I\u2019ll never really know and I will never actually feel that my struggles are valid. \n\nMy chronically depression addled brain and low self esteem leads me to believe I\u2019m just plain dumb. I never did very well in school. Barely graduated high school and had pretty consistently low grades up until college, when I managed something like a 3.6 gpa (majored in illustration, so just generals and art classes.) \nI continue to struggle just being able to focus and process/retain information. I feel mentally slow a lot of the time.\n\nI have been \u201ctested\u201d using that simple short questionnaire. It was suspected that I \u201cmay\u201d have ADHD inattentive type. I was on strattera years ago. I believe I was prescribed this after having this urine test done that showed what brain..chemicals I was deficient in? It might have been dopamine? I\u2019m not even sure. I don\u2019t even remember why I went off it or how well it worked. I\u2019m guessing not that well if I decided to go off it. My long term memory is kind of terrible. \n\nAnyway, I have been prescribed Ritalin XR (and adderall XR, both for short periods. I gave up on both because I didn\u2019t feel any noticeable change, except for some depressive episodes that seemed worse than usual. But then, I haven\u2019t been on any adhd meds for a few weeks and had another episode (it\u2019s always after work that I really crash) so...I just don\u2019t know. Looking into it, I have a lot of the symptoms but not all so it makes me think maybe I don\u2019t quite fit the diagnosis?\n\nI don\u2019t know if there\u2019s some ADHD specialist I need to see before I\u2019m convinced that I even have this or not but I\u2019m in a low place right now and just wanted to get this off my chest. Kind of hoping I could get some feedback, too. ", "answer": "If you read through this sub, you\u2019ll see so many posts of people talking about this very thing. This is so, so common, I am finding. I\u2019m recently diagnosed and have found myself questioning the diagnosis sometimes too. \n\nFor me, ADHD makes it hard for me to trust my own knowledge, experience, and mind. And that can then feed into questioning if I really have ADHD or if I actually just suck. Are you working with a therapist? Mine has told me that this is a major task for us to be working on together: the development of self-trust. Maybe thinking about self-trust could be useful for you too, in terms of being able to trust yourself that you are being honest with yourself about your experience and that you aren\u2019t just making it up. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aa23pp", "comment_id": "ecof58w"}, {"question": "Fighting a losing battle", "description": "Hey, r/SW. I'm between a rock and a hard place and need a third person perspective. I've been dealing a very aggressive form of schizophrenia for the last couple years with what I would call little success. I've been having abhorrent thoughts of ritualized mutilation towards myself and loved ones, something that almost ended in my son's death last time. I'm scared of losing myself, a fear that most of my doctors have done little to dissuade me of. It's like standing on a cliff facing and having to watch in paralyzing fear as it starts to crumble away. Needless to say, I've been questioning if suicide is the answer, to prevent harm to my family and to prevent a complete delusion from taking hold.\n\nTo be honest, I have ready access to a firearm, but I'm loathe to try right now out of concern of someone waking up and intervening. I'm more or less just waiting until evidence starts shoring up that things will improve, or an opportunity to acts arises.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSchizophrenia is a hard diagnosis to deal with: there is so much going on all of the time that you often feel like you lose yourself in all of it. Especially with the more aggressive forms of it. I totally get when you say that you are scared of losing yourself, and that you are \"standing on a cliff facing\" and \"having to watch in paralyzing fear\" as it progresses. You really speak for a lot of people suffering from Schizophrenia there.\n\nSuicidality is common among people suffering with schizophrenia, and I don't blame them one bit. It feels like your senses are hijacked, and you don't know who you are anymore. I'm so happy for you that you have some hesitations about that, however small it is. It shows your strength and courage!\n\nNow, you say that you need a third person perspective, but you don't exactly specify a question. So, I'm going to assume that you are looking for general ideas about how to go about dealing with the progression of symptoms.\n\n1. Get everything that you could possibly use out of your reach. Your loved ones will be helpful here. The sobering reality is that with unchecked schizophrenia you will, at times, have no control. Putting yourself in an environment full of potentially dangerous objects is both hazardous to you and to anyone around you. Get some peace of mind by starting there.\n\n2. You see I presume a psychiatrist. Make sure that your med regiment is up to date, and that you are taking proper dosages at proper times of the day. Medication management is SUPER important with schizophrenia, especially at the beginning. \n\n3. Do you see a regular counselor? Lots of people think that counseling can't help schizophrenics. In reality, it offers them a great place to discuss and express their experiences in dealing with schizophrenia. Many people who see a therapist they trust (especially one with experience in dealing with schizophrenia) often times reality test a lot better, and have an easier time differentiating reality from their hallucinations/delusions.\n\n4. Make sure you are taking time for yourself, too. Often times, people experiencing schizophrenia report worse symptoms after having little sleep. Make sure you are eating properly, drinking water, and exercising. Also be sure your diet doesn't interfere with your medication regiment.\n\nSchizophrenia is a long journey, but with the proper environment, you can really give yourself a leg up in the struggle. Best of luck to you. :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "527p11", "comment_id": "d7idl90"}, {"question": "Should I approach him", "description": "Ok so there is a boy I think is cute. I want to approach him but I'm scared because it's like he only prefers girls a certain way because on his Instagram the girls he follow looks a specific certain way. I'm scared to approach him because I feel like he will just deny on me. ", "answer": "just be you. that's all you can be. if he doesn't like you he's the wrong guy for YOU.  there's a million thrat will love and appreciate you for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ko78r", "comment_id": "dbpdzjf"}, {"question": "Is my boyfriend just dependent on me or am I too high maintenance?", "description": "First off, we've been together for 3 years. \n\nI provide more financially, and help take care of his other two kids. I do a majority of the cooking and cleaning. I don't feel like he really tries in this relationship, and rather is in it only because he truly needs me in a codependent way. \n\nHe never compliments me, and only says thank you for things because I told him it bothered me that he didn't. Doesn't say I love you unless I say it first. Doesn't show affection unless it's a precursor to sex. I try to do thoughtful things for him frequently and don't get it back from him. I am so overly stressed and unhappy that I feel Im running on empty. We have talked about this so many times and things get better for a week then he stops trying again. I feel it means we are incompatible. Or maybe I'm too high maintenance for wanting those things. \n\n", "answer": "he's not giving you what you need.  no such thing as too this or too that. it's all about being compatible with your respective needs and wants", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oepec", "comment_id": "dcisy69"}, {"question": "Mixed signals from my crush.", "description": "So basically I've been friends with this guy for three years now. We sometimes will have sex sometimes we won't. (Would say it's like fuck buddies but it's more than that.). Anyway, he lives three hours away so it's hard to make anything work, and we've decided to just see what happens and not rush into anything.\n\nI mailed him some weed brownies , and he FaceTime called me to thank me. He told me when he would be back in town, we talked for a little bit and that was all. Pretty casual, which is pretty usual for our \"relationship\".  (Which is completely fine because that's what we agreed upon. Until he lives closer we just don't see it working. We both don't want to do long distance.)\n\nToday he posted a Snapchat of a screenshot of a text to his mom and it said this. \"Happy Valentine's Day, I love you. You're the only woman I need!\"\n\nLike... am I a piece of baloney? I'm assuming he's just being a stupid boy and not thinking about it, but still. It just hurt a little. Am I being too sensitive and over reacting?", "answer": "he doesn't see you as special or a girlfriend, so you might have a decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u3czf", "comment_id": "ddr0vnp"}, {"question": "I've never been in a relationship and I'm in my late 20s. Going to a sex club is far less terrifying than going out for coffee, 1-on-1. How can I change this?", "description": "I haven't been in a relationship because I feel like I need to become a better person before I can commit. I've passed on partners because I've always felt that in the end, they're better off without me.\n\nAnonymous one night stands are far easier for me. It scares me more that a person would find me \"boring and uninteresting\" in the head than not being physically attracted to me.\n\nI'm at a point in my life where I feel incredibly depressed, due to lack of progress in my education and mental state and I'm wondering if it's still possible for me to be in a relationship despite 'not loving myself' or feeling incomplete, because I feel like this is how I always will be.", "answer": "The question \"Is life worth living\" is a religious question.  The answer a person gives, if detailed enough ,will disclose their core beliefs. People are free to choose what they believe and if you do not feel free to choose these core beliefs, you are not free. I suggest that you need to work yourself free from certain beliefs that you hold but in fact hold you. Once you examine them in detail you will be free to discard them and adopt better, more beautiful and functional beliefs.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "39y6lg", "comment_id": "cs8a4zi"}, {"question": "I let ptsd get the better of me and ruin my relationship", "description": "Been close to a year with a genuinely sweet man but I couldn't keep my symptoms in check he deserves better.\n\nI've struggled with drinking and medication side effects for a while but I got triggered going on holiday with him 2 months ago as he was also stressed he made comments about my past I lashed out and hit him. His words cut so deep but that's no excuse. \n\nThis past week I've been triggered and foolishly drank, met him in the midst of being drunk and was upset he earlier checked out another woman and I bit him later that evening. Saw him last night and he hinted he doesn't love me anymore, I totally understand I wouldn't either, I feel so guilty. I can't even see a therapist as I'm on the waiting list. This will be a lifelong struggle, I just wanted to vent my shame and guilt ", "answer": "I'm sorry you're in such a struggle right now.  There's a mental health text line which may be of help to you until you can get off the waiting list for a therapist.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/).  \n\nIf you absolutely need to speak with someone in person, most spiritual leaders will accept appointments to listen to the problems of the members of their spiritual community.  If you're not part of a faith community, they will sometimes meet with people outside of the community so it's worth making a couple of phone calls mid-week to see if there's someone who will meet with you.  Also, if you're near a college or university they may have crisis walk-in services for non-students at their counseling center, so that's also worth a phone call.  And as a last resort, the national suicide hotline is available 24 hours a day.  People call for all sorts of reasons, not just because they're suicidal.  The volunteers are trained to assist anyone in an emotional crisis - they're not going to hang up on you just because you're not suicidal right now.  So if you need to talk to a person and aren't having luck anywhere else, you can call the hotline: 1-800-273-TALK.\n\nAs you're working through issues with shame and guilt, I highly recommend Brene Brown's books (I have no association with her, I just love her writing and research).  You can find them at many libraries and book stores and in a number of the library affiliated audiobook apps.  \n\nSince your instances of violence followed episodes of drinking, and you say about the second on that you were \"foolishly drinking\" I get the feeling that you may be thinking about limiting or abstaining from alcohol might be helpful while you're working on your mental health issues.  If I'm on the right page, I always recommend AA.  I've found the AA community to be really awesome and welcoming.  They've got groups of all sorts of age ranges and even for specific niche groups (Moms over 40, Retired Men, Veterans, Students, Bibliophiles, etc. I've seen some really cool niche groups in different places). Even if you don't identify as an alcoholic, they can be a supportive group to help you with your goals related to alcohol while you're in treatment with a therapist for your mental health issues.  \n\nWherever you find it, I hope you find some support until you can get off the wait list to actually begin therapy. Good luck!", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "95lcwq", "comment_id": "e3u3is6"}, {"question": "Anxiety going to girlfriend's house", "description": "I'm a 20 year old guy, and my girlfriend is 20 as well. We've been together for approximately two years. We both live with our parents. From the first time we started being together, we've almost always been at my place when we had to see each other. She had some issues with her stepdad so she told me that she would rather be at my place - besides, she's the only one of us who have their own car. Of course we've been at her place as well, but through these two years it has been less than 10 times.  \nI've always known i have some social anxiety, but nothing that I've ever had a serious talk about. Lately the thought of us being at her place has given me serious anxiety - suddenly sweating, heart pounding, dizziness, funny stomach and so on, and I'm not sure why. \n\nIt is especially the thought of eating dinner with her family that makes me anxious!? I just imagine me sitting there sweating and with no appetite. I have this weird imagination that i'm the absolute center of their attention.\n\nThis anxiety is driving me crazy since i'll have to go there sooner or later.  \n\n\nI apologize if I left out any important details, please ask if I have to clarify anything!", "answer": "I'm wondering how much of this is related to the stepdad . If  your girlfriend shared that he was somehow abusive or makes her uncomfortable , that may be related .\n\nWhat do you think ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fnqn9l", "comment_id": "flc9dcu"}, {"question": "Is it weird that I like starving myself?", "description": "Okay I would just like to premise that I\u2019m not anorexic and have never been, though I suppose this post might be triggering for people with eds.\n\nBasically my mom is doing this candida diet thingy and I figured I might as well do it with her. I\u2019ve basically only been eating one or two light salads a day this whole week. Right now it\u2019s been 22ish hours since I\u2019ve eaten and I love how it feels? Like I\u2019m kinda spacey and am having trouble reading books but I can read fine on my phone. And I just feel so light and stuff. The one other time I can remember I didn\u2019t eat for a while, I hadn\u2019t eaten or drank for 24 hours and almost passed out and I kind of liked the way that felt too? I know it\u2019s unhealthy but I feel so proud of myself for not eating, I\u2019ve never felt this way before. \n\nMy heart is racing and I sat down a while ago and my legs went immediately numb so I realize I should probably eat soon but should I like talk to my therapist about this? I think the reason why I like it is because I have very little willpower and I feel like I\u2019m succeeding at something right now. I kind of feel like that always when I\u2019m hungry and then feel like I\u2019ve failed myself when I eat, but I still eat a healthy amount usually", "answer": "I second talking to your therapist about it. While you may not technically have an eating disorder now, this is the type of behavior that might put you at risk of problems over the long-term.\n\nI don't know your whole story, but I wonder if you're searching for ways to feel \"in control\" in your life, and that's why it's satisfying to you? \n\nEating shouldn't feel like a failure, eating should be a way to take care of your body and yourself. I would explore with your therapist why eating might be associated with bad feelings for you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "h130fx", "comment_id": "ftpp9mz"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do now...", "description": "So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little under a year now and everything has been going smoothly. We live in Florida so I've sparred no expense building memories and experiences together. Theme parks, Orlando eye, aquariums, nature preserves, and countless other things. So now we get to the reason why I need advice. In our D&D play group we have 7 people including myself (the DM) all of which are good friends of mine, but recently I've started to notice something off. One of my closer friends has been seeming to take a bigger interest in my girlfriend. It started off small at first, jokes, winks, ect. But over the past few weeks I can't help but notice something between them. It used to be then when my girlfriend and I would go out to a theme park she would ask me to keep her phone in my pocket while we walked around and rode rides. But the last time we went out she was glued to it both at the park and on the way home. Being the slightly roguish person I am, I saw his face on the messenger icon out of the corner of my eye. When we got back to her house she kinda kept her distance emotionally and physically. This all took place on Saturday, and ever since Tuesday she's stopped texting me completely, hasn't even opened my messages, last night at our D&D session the only time she spoke to me was when she was asking to do something in the campaign, didn't say hello or goodbye, but all night she was texting my friend, both of them smiling and giggling the entire night. On my way home I sent her a lengthy text apologizing if I had done anything wrong or had upset her in any way, but still no reply. The thing that worries me the most is that my friend has done this before to another person, and it tore their friend group apart. I don't want to see that happen to us. Ive been cheated on before, and I've had girls tell me I would never be good enough, but she seemed genuinely different. Ever fiber of my being wants to trust her, that she wouldn't do something like this to me, and I hate myself for thinking she would. I just don't know what to do now...", "answer": "You need to see her in person and talk about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ems0s", "comment_id": "dibes6a"}, {"question": "Why have no (no painkiller) treatments yet been developed for permanent nerve damage, which is one of the most painful ailments we can suffer?", "description": "Before you answer,  I want you to look at this Times newspaper article about a motorcyclist who resorted to chopping his own arm off with a guillotine due to the immense pain from nerve damage after a motorcycle accident.\n\n[https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/man-chops-off-his-hand-with-homemade-guillotine-3l0cfmqqphb](https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/man-chops-off-his-hand-with-homemade-guillotine-3l0cfmqqphb)\n\nWhy aren't there treatments for this eighteen years into the 21st century?  I have two family members with nerve damage and it is awful for them.  Just prescribing painkillers is not solving the problem,  in fact it's causing other problems like addiction.", "answer": "Why don't we have a cure for cancer? Or the common cold?\n\nThis is something that I'm sure is studied and worked on, but there is no one, obvious solution that we've stumbled on. Medical science is not obvious and not quick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8v2104", "comment_id": "e1jxjru"}, {"question": "[34][male] How easy is it to get a brain amoeba?", "description": "Today I was accessing a sewer line cleanout on a septic system. The line was holding sewage in it and I accidentally got a very small amount of sludge on my face near my nose. I washed my face in the hose with soap and as I was doing that I splashed a small amount of water into my nostril. I think it went maybe 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch into my nostril. Is there any chance I can get a brain amoeba this way?", "answer": "Naegleria fowleri, the \"brain-eating amoeba\" is rare and lives in fresh water. Getting sewage in your face might be a small risk for infections transmitted by fecal-oral contact, but an amoeba isn't one of those concerns.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f433at", "comment_id": "fho4i85"}, {"question": "Don't want to get my paycheck.", "description": "I tried to stop 9 days ago as my badge says but I failed. Last sunday I drank the last beer and wasn't able to buy anymore alcohol because I'm broke right now, credit cards are maxed out because I spent most of my money on booze and junk food. \n\nToday is my 4th day alcohol-free and I get paid tomorrow. I'm afraid I will give in to my cravings and ruin it all because I'll have money to buy alcohol. I've been feeling happier and I don't want 20% of my paycheck to be wasted on alcohol anymore. I've been reading this sub every day for the last 4 days and it's really encouraging. Thanks for putting your heart and experiences here, I don't feel so alone anymore.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being honest. Your goal is to just get through each 5 minutes and if you can't trust yourself 100% with the money, bring protection. Bring a family member or friend along to make sure the check gets spent. Hell, pay them to come along because we aren't here to help you save money, you're here to save yourself. I'll like that you are being honest, but also believe you need to be realistic with your preparation. Don't pick up the check until you know you can get the money to where it needs to go. Some people end up spending extra money frivolously for a few weeks or a month and that's okay because as long as your bills get paid and you have enough food, having money may be a really bad idea. Just for now. For right now do what you need to. Later on you'll be the one going with someone else to get their check but right now keep yourself safe. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "62iggh", "comment_id": "dfmx8n3"}, {"question": "Is a site like Rate My Therapist a good idea?", "description": "There's sites like Rate my Professor that lets students gauge whether a professor will be a good fit for them(teaching style, personality, the experience of others)\n\nCurrently there is no mechanism like this for therapy. One of the most important aspects of therapy is that the therapist should be a good fit for a client.\n\nI think it would be helpful for clients to have a resource like this when finding a therapist and determine if that therapist will be a good fit ahead of time. All reviews will be anonymized", "answer": "I agree with the concerns about making it even harder for certain client populations to seek help, as well as the note that therapists can be good and also still not the right fit for some clients. \n\nThis is a very half-baked idea, but I do kind of wonder about a strengths-only review situation (e.g. some pre-populated lists that clients could keyword search to put strengths of the therapist)? That could possibly give you a flavor... But I am not sure if that would be satisfying to clients (and I also want to note that there are absolutely therapists who do unacceptable/super problematic things).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gj24vh", "comment_id": "fqktr7l"}, {"question": "Thoughts on Psychiatric Medication", "description": "Do you ever get clients where you think, \"This person needs drugs, asap!\"?  What do you do in that situation?  And do you ever have clients that are on psychiatric medications, but you think really just need to work through their issues and apply some healthy strategies?  How do you approach those kinds of situations?", "answer": "Absolutely,  I consult with a psychiatrist or talk to  the patient 's doctor . If someone is already on meds that are not harmful and they are not abusing the meds, i would never interfere. \n\nI have yet to see a prescribed medication that masks symptoms of a disorder or prevents a person from working through their issues.  Benzos can help anxiety without therapy,  so learning coping is important. Prescribers are pulling back and want to avoid dependence.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpk7he", "comment_id": "fro3sst"}, {"question": "Looking for a coach/guide--33-year-old learning to study the world", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI want to start over with my education. I learned about the ADHD a couple of years ago and it put all of the pieces together. One of the pieces being how I have struggled to learn the things I deeply LONG to understand in the world. Like HISTORY, governments, all of the systems humans set up and why they work the way they do. I was right the whole time, not imagining things--I really WAS missing something and unable to connect the dots. All I want is to be able to say I am an informed citizen, not just learning how to recycle the same narratives I hear around me (that is what I have done in the past, so I can at least sound informed.)\n\n​\n\nSo now I want to begin again with this new understanding of what DOESN'T work for me. And an ability to advocate for myself. I just don't know if I can do it alone. Does anyone have advice for how to find someone who understands ADHD brains who can help hold me to some kind of learning structure? Maybe I would meet with them every month. I need help prioritizing what to pay attention to.\n\nMuch peace, thanks y'all.\n\n​\n\nEDIT: Now I am realizing the right word for the person I am looking for is really \"tutor.\" I am looking for someone who can work with me on the content I want to learn, not so much a learning coach. They just have to be someone who understands ADHD--I've had enough teachers in life who didn't understand the particular obstacles my brain has in the learning process.", "answer": "You might consider searching for a psychotherapist who specializes in ADHD. A therapist with training and experience treating ADHD may provide a number of similar suggestions as would an ADHD coach; however, a therapist will be less accessible to you in terms of phone or email support than I imagine a coach would be, and that may be the reason your looking specifically for a coach to begin with. You could still reach out to a therapist who specializes, however, and ask if they also offer coaching/phone support at an additional rate or if they can give you referrals to a coach.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "au8awk", "comment_id": "eh6p4ig"}, {"question": "Drug testing for employment is always such a JOY", "description": "When you're prescribed an unusually high dose of adderall...\nI had to do the dreaded pee test for my pre employment screening at the hospital today and of course the first thing i did was slap those prescription bottles on the counter and the nurse goes \"so what you're trying to tell me is....you're about to fail this drug test??\"\n\nThe way she said it made me laugh though. It wasn't like snooty at all it was almost an understanding exasperation. \n\nAlso...yes ma'am...maybe?", "answer": "When I have to take a drug test I bring my prescription bottles and tell them what medication I take. I know I'm going to test positive for benzodiazepines, but I usually don't test positive for anything else since I take methylphenidate. At a pre-employment screening they took copies of the prescription bottles as evidence. Any attitude is not allowed because it is related to a disability.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "espi3c", "comment_id": "ffcdypp"}, {"question": "Finding a specialist who is willing to work with BPD patients (a saga, with a happy ending!)", "description": "Basically, I\u2019m in the midst of a mental health crisis. My BPD and CPTSD symptoms are back in full force.\n\nIt is near impossible to find a mental health professional that it\u2019ll take a Borderline patient. I was warned about this by my recent psychiatrist, that a lot of therapists will not take a BPD client, that many licensed therapists will not want to work with someone who is stereotypically manipulative and require a lot of dedication.\u00a0\n\nNot only this, but its near impossible to find someone who will accept my insurance. That\u2019s a secondary issue, though. \n\nI called SEVEN mental health practices in the area, to find someone who will take someone with borderline as well as issues related to trauma. A few of them were \u201cChristian counseling centers\u201d which is a yikes, but I\u2019m desperate. \n\nI am happy to report... that I found a place that\u2019ll accept me! \n\nAnd the appointment is in just a few days! I\u2019ll start DBT again quite soon. Hopefully this time the coping skills will stick with me. I\u2019m super dedicated to working on them and getting my life back on track!\n", "answer": "If someone is willing to diagnose both CPTSD and BPD I highly doubt they really understand either. Unless the BPD was fully established before any of the trauma happened, there is way too much overlap for a differential diagnosis to be accurate and specific. \n\nI'm really happy for you that you found someone to work with and I hope they really understand CPTSD enough to help you. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9dwtr2", "comment_id": "e5l2r30"}, {"question": "I feel like I'm losing my best friend", "description": "I'm a guy who's 17 years old, I start this off with that sentence so you get my stand point.\n\nI've always been depressed because of my loneliness, being bullied and the situation with my parents, though recently the person who stood by me through it all for a good 11 years was my current best friend, who I'll refer to as Dave to keep his identity safe, until recently. Dave and me are both straight but after being friends for so long we have this emotional connection. But recently he got himself a stunning girlfriend and he's been speaking to her daily, so often, he has given up days with me and left conversations on discord just to talk to her.\n\nWith me being depressed while growing up I always was upset with how I looked whether my friends and the people I trust are going to backstab me. I've never self harmed but have attempted suicide, I regret it immensely but I have. He's never noticed or asked how I felt about his constant absence but I find it hard to confront home because let's be honest I love this guy (not homosexually). Can anyone help me? Am I losing one of the only friends I have; one of the only people I trust?", "answer": "TALK WITH HIM. Let him know about your viewpoint and how you feel. The best way to handle potentially messy situations is to get them out in the open. Tell him how you feel ignored by him as he leaves to talk to her. Set up a designated time where it's just the two of you.\n\nIt's unrealistic to give him a choice: you or her. The first parts of a romantic relationships often motivate people to spend a majority of time with their significant other at first. That's normal. \n\nEventually you will come to a balance.", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5y41ov", "comment_id": "dfg7e3d"}, {"question": "If Doctor records ETOH Abuse in my charts, will that have an effect on future care?", "description": "I got referred to a specialist for Cardiac issues, and he did the typical questions about history, etc. When he asked me about drinking, I replied that I might drink about 1 night a week, and have 4-5 drinks that night. \n\nThis new doctor however had an extreme reaction to it, saying that I must cut all alcohol off immediately. Absolutely no alcohol at all. He also recorded in my charts a record of ETOH abuse.\n\nThis is the same information I have given my Family Doctor in the past, and he didn't seem concerned at all. \n\nI don't have a problem cutting off drinking if it is really medically advisable, but I am very curious about why two doctors would have such a radically different opinion about it.\n\nAlso, will being listed with Alcohol Abuse in doctor's notes be an issue for me going forward in terms of how I'm treated, etc? I don't have a concern about cutting out alcohol, but I don't want to be inaccurately labelled as such if it  might affect how I am treated by future doctors who view my medical records.", "answer": "You'll probably want an opinion from an addictions psychiatrist - so here it is. Its at most harmful drinking, but no more than that unless you are suffering withdrawal symptoms or its affecting your quality of life.\n\nThere might be a very valid reason to abstain from alcohol depending on the cardiac diagnosis.\n\nClarify with your usual doctor. I don't see this as malpractice, but I would've taken a more pragmatic approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y8eip", "comment_id": "d6luu4v"}, {"question": "What should I [20/f] do about the erratic behavior of a guy [22/m] after a fight that happened long ago", "description": "So there is a guy that I used to be into, but were only ever friends and he made that clear a while back. However, we got closer after the fact, and by two months ago were studying together and talking on social media rather frequently.\n\nWe had a fight over the fact that I felt he was taking advantage of my willingness to help him, as over time it began to feel like he was just being nice to me when I could do something for him. I tried to ask him to soften things a little and for example say thank you when I helped him with something, because I didn't like feeling like I was obliged to do things for him.\n\nHe apologized and was distant after this. I tried to ask him if he wanted to talk about the situation and he more or less blew up on me, saying we were only ever class friends, that the fight was stupid, I was being dramatic, and he didn't want to talk to me outside of class anymore or bring up the fight.\n\nI apologized in return and told him he could talk to me whenever he felt comfortable. He proceeded to ignore me for a week, then slowly he tried to be more and more friendly. He'd talk to me more in class, sometimes acknowledge me if he ran into me in the library, occasionally ask me for help - all going against what he said. And it's awkward. He is visibly nervous when he does it.\n\nI want to get the stupid elephant out of the room but I don't know how. It doesn't seem like he has the guts to do it. I kind of want to text him and ask him if I struck a nerve in that fight, because I feel like I did but he won't admit it. And I also won't ever get him to talk in person, so that's not a possibility. He's also moving away soon so I just want to make my peace and move on.\n\n**tl;dr**: He told me not to talk to him about a fight we had, and is going back on his word that he wouldn't talk to me. I feel like something needs to be said but I don't know how to go about it, and he is too awkward to ever admit what is wrong.", "answer": "Potential serious communication flaws here. Might need a professional to sort out dynamics.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67hco9", "comment_id": "dgqej0j"}, {"question": "Is it normal that I prioritize my [25 F] parents over my boyfriend [25]?", "description": "I want to marry him, but I can't leave them. \n\nI've got an incredible family and am very close with my parents. They had me late, so they're already in their 60's. I'm constantly terrified of something happening to them. \n\nI've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are the same person in two bodies. He's planning on proposing fairly soon. I've moved 1000 miles away from my hometown with him, to a place he really likes, for his job. \n\nI know he doesn't love where I'm from... neither do I, but I see myself needing to move back closer to my parents, pretty soon. I can't stand thinking that I might have 10 years left with them if I'm lucky, and that I'm wasting those years halfway across the country. \n\nMy boyfriend, I think, has a hunch that I feel this way. He knows how much I think about them and how sad it makes me to be away. I have not told him explicitly that I want to end up back there one day... but I don't think he'd be surprised if I did. \n\nMy town is rural, but there are a couple of decently interesting cities an hour or two's drive away. I don't think it's completely hopeless. And our ultimate goal was to work for a few years in a city to save up money, then buy some land in the country and do some simpler work to get by after that. Where I'm from would be perfect for that! Tons of rural land and super cheap cost of living, but I don't know if he sees it. \n\nI'm terrified of bringing this up with him as a thing that I definitely need, because I'll have no clue what to do if he doesn't want this. \n\nHe's from literally the opposite end of the country, too, and he might think it's unfair to live near my parents and not his. Thing is, my parents are poor and can't afford plane tickets to visit. His are very wealthy and jet off to European countries at least every month or two. \n\nHalf of me wants to jump into marriage and having kids with him so they can see that I have a happy successful life and get to meet their grandchildren. The other half is pulling the brakes hard on the marriage thing because I CAN'T be so far away from my parents for more than another year or two, I think, and I won't know what to do if he doesn't want that.\n\nAm I wrong for thinking this way? How do I begin to try to bring this up with my boyfriend? How does everyone else do this?!", "answer": "You'll never have a good relationship if you don't prioritize your SO.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75ybli", "comment_id": "do9um67"}, {"question": "12 Years Without Weed", "description": "Hi, It's been 12 years since I last smoked any weed. 12 years ago, I would smoke week all day every day. I couldn't control it, I would get high even when I knew I shouldn't. I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. I loved the feeling of being high and would get really upset if I couldn't get some more pot.\n\nI ended up getting almost arrested when I got busted by the cops but they let me go. After that, I decided to stop smoking weed. I didn't do it by myself. Other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off.\n\nI still crave the feeling of being high, but I know that I can't manage it, so I stay off. I also don't drink or do any other drugs.\n\nFeel free to ask questions.", "answer": "> I didn't do it by myself. Other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off.\n\nCare to elaborate on this?", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "voxmz", "comment_id": "c56do74"}, {"question": "Am I oversensitive", "description": "In the beginning of my relationship with my current boyfriend, he compared me a lot to his previous partners. He wasn't malicious or mean spirited about it but he did compare a lot, and he also ranked his feelings for his exes (who he loved most, then second, etc.). I write this to add some context to a more recent situation: Over the last few months he's told me several time that he'll never love me as much as he loved the people he dated in his 20s. He's in his late 30s now. I was hurt by this but I didn't say anything the first few times he said it. However, recently, when I've had a bit too much to drink, I've brought it up and he's reiterated the fact that he doesn't love me as much as he loved other people. Last night, he said \"I love you 95% as much I loved the others; you should be happy with that.\" Again, he wasn't trying to be cruel, I think he was actually trying to be nice, but it was really painful for me to hear. When he realized I was upset, he apologized and explained that he loved his previous girlfriends too much, in ways he views as unhealthy, and that he didn't mean to hurt me. I don\u2019t blame him for feeling the way he does. I guess I want more from a relationship, though. I'm not sure what to do. He believes my hurt feelings stem from a misunderstanding of what he's said. ", "answer": "you deserve 100%. it's cruel of him to say those things. don't settle!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64mgq6", "comment_id": "dg3bham"}, {"question": "Haven't touched a drop since July 2nd", "description": "My sisters are visiting me from England tomorrow (I live in Ireland) and I'll be going into a restaurant and bar for the first time since then. I'll be drinking water with my meal and I'm really looking forward to tasting good food without washing it down with ethanol.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Well done. Good luck. Enjoy a lovely dinner. I'm in Ireland too...great food !  Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9552my", "comment_id": "e3q7e2a"}, {"question": "Am I going into too much detail to convince my doc to sterilize me?", "description": "I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'm planning on talking about what kind of education I'm pursuing and how long that would take me. I would finish up school and everything by the time I'm 32-33. Throwing a baby into the mix would make my goals much harder to achieve. Major depression and bipolar disorder are very common in my family. I'm the only person in my family that has never had any mental health problems. Everyone had something by the time they were my age. I was raped at 19 and again at 21 and getting sterilized would give me more emotional security. Like, even if I can't control some things, I can still control that aspect. If I get raped again, I would feel a lot better knowing it couldn't cause pregnancy. The threat of pregnancy affects my sex life even with birth control. My ex freaked out when he found out I was getting deployed so he poked holes in our condoms. I found out and took Plan B to get rid of it. I don't want that to happen again. I'm not sure if I want kids or not yet because it depends on a lot things (e.g. financial security, what my partner wants), but I do know that I won't have biological kids. I don't want something growing inside me for 9 months. The idea of childbirth is disgusting to me. I don't want to risk a medical professional sticking their hand inside me to check how dilated my cervix or whatever. There isn't a whole lot of control I would have over my body during the process. I don't want to be completely vulnerable in front of a bunch of strangers. The whole thing just seems terrible and I couldn't deal with it. I won't put my physical/mental health at risk for a biological kid. I won't sue my doctor even if I regret my choice because thats immoral. I'm willing to sign a contract and as many consent forms as my doc wants from me. I wouldn't fuck with my doc's career because they gave me what I asked for.\n\nI'm thinking some of this might be too personal or that it's not really something you're supposed to talk about. Do you think I should take anything out? I feel like he might chalk this up to me being traumatized and recommend therapy instead. \n\nBackground: I'm 23, 5'0, 102lbs. I've asked 6 doctors nearby to sterilize me so far and they all refused.", "answer": "I don't know what will or won't convince someone to do a tubal ligation. I will say that if you want highly effective birth control a copper IUD is just about as effective\u2014it's not perfect, but neither is sterilization short of a full hysterectomy. Copper IUDs also have a known effectiveness of 10 years and might work indefinitely, duration shouldn't be much of a reason to pick between them.\n\nIf you do not and never want to have children, there's no inherent reason not to have a permanent procedure. For you, the convenience of not needing surgery and, maybe more importantly, not needing to convince a doctor of anything more complicated than desiring not to get pregnant *right now* might be of use.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97e17h", "comment_id": "e47i8yl"}, {"question": "Medication side effects questions", "description": "I'm 24, 5'4 280lbs, white, 2 weeks,  diagnosed with fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, pre diabetic and pcos. \n\nI'm on 300mg of bupropion (wellbutrin) once in the mornings, 15mg of buspirone once in the morning and once at night, zyrtec at night, along with sprintec birth control and ibuprofen 800mg for pain. \n\nThe problem I'm currently having is almost complete lack of appetite. I barely eat, often forget to, so much that my blood sugar will drop and I'll feel faint. When that happens I'll eat/drink something sugary and I be okay after a few minutes. \nIs this normal with this combination of meds? Is it okay that I'm not eating much? When I do eat it's usually something small. I just tried to eat a sandwich and could only take one bite. \n\nI'm also having a hard time sleeping; staying asleep to be more specific. I wake up several times at night and often can't go back to sleep for hours. \nI go back to the doctor on the 10th to  further discuss my fibromyalgia treatment plan. I'll bring this all up to him when I do, I'm just curious at the moment.  \n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "Wellbutrin can be an appetite suppressant, but usually not a dramatic one.\n\nIt's not okay not to eat at all. It is okay to eat less. There's something wrong if not eating is causing you to nearly pass out, and that deserves medical attention. \"Low blood sugar\" is rare outside of medical causes, and should be worked up. \n\nSignificant problems with sleep can go along with depression or bipolar disorder; definitely discuss this with your doctor. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88v5bu", "comment_id": "dwnus7r"}, {"question": "Possible stroke?", "description": "Age: 15. Non smoking, non drinking. Unhealthy lifestyle though. \n\nToday I woke up and felt numb, mostly numbness on my face. I googled and it says that 'Sudden numbness is a sign of stroke'. Should I be worried?", "answer": "You did not provide the required information for us to be fully helpful. That said, unless you have a serious medical condition that could cause a stroke, such as sickle cell disease, the risk of a stroke at fifteen are practically nonexistent. In any case, a stroke would usually cause loss of sensation and weakness on one side, not both.\n\nIt could be any number of things. If the sensation went away when you woke up, my guess would be lying on your face and putting pressure on it in an unusual way, but we probably won't ever know.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d6yyl7", "comment_id": "f0wj1dc"}, {"question": "Should I apologize or leave it alone?", "description": "Hey! My name is \"T\" and like a year ago I was talking to this guy and we would text and DM each other. And during this time I have never dated anyone never kissed anyone and I was scared completely out of mind, I thought I wasn't mature enough and just overthinking things. I was scared that he might want only one thing and panic and just broke all ties with him even though he has never mention anything that I was scared of .And looking back I feel terrible and recently i keep thinking about it and wanting to talk to him and apologize. I'm just don't know it's been in my head lately, what should I do?", "answer": "No need to apologize. If you want to contact him, do so and just move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ldv2", "comment_id": "dgrbe7m"}, {"question": "Should I tell a professional that I plan to kill myself in few months? Will that land me in impatient immediately?", "description": "im sorry if this isnt the right sub. i was just in inpatient a few months ago and it was very traumatic and counterproductive as most inpatients are. above all else i want to be free from institutions til i kill myself this summer/fall. would it be an automatic trip to the ER if i tell a professional this? all my friends (theyre all online) know this and ive been reassuring them i will be making the right decision, but no one irl knows. please dont tell me there is hope, i know theres hope for me and everyone else like me, but thank you for being kind.", "answer": "Where do you live? I am answering as a psychologist in the US, and will respect your request that you not be told there is hope.\n\nI wouldn't send someone to the hospital if they planned suicide \"in a few months .\"  In a perfect world , impatient treatment would exist for that level of hopelessness,  but in the US, the ER is only for imminent danger.\n\nHaving plan or intent is a serious concern, and does have to be explored. It is possible that as your date or timeframe comes closer , or if you make specific arrangements that increase lethality,  your imminent danger would be re-assessed.  You may be asked to safety plan.\n\nIt sounds like you are open to therapy since you are asking this question . What support are you looking for ? What would therapy look like to you in a perfect world?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "figraj", "comment_id": "fkhsdbq"}, {"question": "Being Forced Into Therapy.", "description": "Here's the very unusual deal. These past few years, I have developed what would look like essential tremor. (Google it)\n\nMy Doctor, after numerous blood tests, and given my past, thinks that my tremor is caused by anxiety, but I will constantly dispute that it is not, because I never feel anxious, and the shaking does not get worse when depressed (which is another cause).\n\nSo, he's forcing me into therapy due to my couple of years where panic attacks were common.  Now, I have very big problems with therapy, but they are probably unfounded.\n\nCould you guys that have been forced/or opted for therapy, despite being against the idea, offer some insight to how 'good' it is? The idea of a person putting thoughts into my head bothers me.", "answer": "There is nothing about therapy that involves \"putting thoughts into \"your head. Therapists wont brainwash you. Instead, a therapist helps you recognize and understand your thoughts, and then works with you to help you control them and to engage in more rational thinking.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1fhm1g", "comment_id": "caalca0"}, {"question": "HELP", "description": "Ive liked this one guy for a whole semester but we have never been anything more than friends. Then next week he started flirting with me and it was so different then it was before. Then Friday everything felt like we went back to just friends. So it was all okay. But just when i thought we were friends he picked back up with the flirting! What should i do? ", "answer": "talk about your respective feelings. be direct. guessing and assuming wastes precious time!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj8o9", "comment_id": "dbw4iwp"}]