[{"question": "[M19] GF [F18] of two years is still a virgin and say she still needs time, I need help understanding her fears.", "description": "As the title said I've been with my gf for around two years and we haven't had sex yet. I have before with a previous partner, but she hasn't. We've done some very mild hand stuff but none of that has lasted for very long. She feels very self conscious of her body and hasn't let me even get close to seeing her lady bits because she is afraid that it won't be good enough. I have tried to reassure her that she is fine, but she seems to be getting more uncomfortable over time. I am very attracted to her and love her very much, but it has been hard for me as I am a sexual person. I just need advice on how to deal with this situation and how I can better understand what she is feeling.\n\ntl;dr: gf is afraid to have sex and I am having trouble understanding those fears.  \n\nP.S.: no history of sexual abuse for either of us, and sorry if this was long it's early in the morning and I can't sleep", "answer": "What do you need to have happen to stay and be happy with her?\n\nIt sounds like she is not even interested in sexual pleasure, so we're probably missing part of the story here. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyhkc", "comment_id": "di6bz0o"}, {"question": "[25f] Need help overcoming resentment towards my husband [36m]", "description": "First thing is first, my husband is a good man and I love him very very much. So about 2 years ago I left a dream job in a dream apartment to move in with my then fiance (we are married now). Turns out I hate my new job, his house is terrible and I have since then poured thousands of my own money trying to fix it up, I am away from all of my close friends and family, and I gave up my most treasured hobby so that we could start a family. \n\nI just feel like I have sacrificed so much to move up here and I feel like I am harboring feelings of resentment. It comes out in passive aggressiveness snd sometimes I even feel like I WANT to make him feel bad because I am so unhappy. \n\nAny ideas? Besides counseling. I feel like it is more my problem and I have counseling sessions once every 2 weeks. ", "answer": "you have sacrificed a lot. the thing to do is talk to him about the ways you're unhappy,and try to reach a new consensus about things.  marriage, like life, requires regular re-evaluation, because it's fluid, it's ever changing.   in nuts and bolts terms, you might say that marriage is a compendium of a million contracts, some big, some small.  usually they have to get re-negotiated from time to time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pun0z", "comment_id": "dctz6cb"}, {"question": "Someone just died. Should I fly home?", "description": "Hey all,\n\nMy mum's partner died very suddenly yesterday. He was an otherwise healthy middle-aged man, and of course we are all in shock over it. My mother is clearly devastated. \n\nI live on the other side of the world - about a 12 hour flight away. I just moved here recently to start a new job. I want to know your opinion - should I fly back home to be with my mother? I spoke to my boss, and he says it's possible to take unpaid leave. Of course the flight wouldn't be cheap, but I can probably afford it. This is all very surreal for me as I (fortunately) have not had to deal with a friend/family member dying before. \n\nWhat should I do? I want to be as supportive as possible", "answer": "You should go if at all possible. Many years ago I chose not to fly back for a funeral thinking it wouldn't really make a difference if I was there or not and now I think about it all the time with regret. It's important to be there for your mom. You won't regret it.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5xk7uy", "comment_id": "deji312"}, {"question": "Is my therapist gaslighting me?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is not gaslighting,  but I have a few ideas of what it might be.\n\n\nOne possibility: collateral damage from a therapist trying to do both individual and couples therapy.  While not explicitly forbidden,  this arrangement is generally frowned upon and often unethical.  Sure, it can be done well , but what you are describing is a great example of what can go wrong. If the therapist is working to validate you both during individual,  she may say things (even truthfully ) during a session to one person that is not reflective of the big picture problem in couples therapy.\n\nFor example , if I told an individual \"thank you so much for being genuine with me\" or \"i get the impression you are being very genuine \" and then later told his partner that I see the same people -pleasing pattern that she sees, neither is necessarily a lie. The problem comes in the comparing sessions. \n\nAnother possibility is that during this phase , it may not be therapeutic to confront your partner on his problematic behaviors.  Maybe she is building trust and rapport.  I worked with abusive men for years and for a time worked exclusively with narcissistic men. I can't tell you how many wives thought their husbands had me fooled. \"You don't see that he _____.\" I definitely see, but confronting too early on means losing him and his buy-in to work. Just because I validate something doesn't mean I am unaware of a problem. \n\nAnother possibility is that your partner 's version of events is different than your therapist 's. Has this happened in other settings? If he ever avoids accountability or blame,  or uses an expert opinion to make himself look better, this could be what is going on. Also, if he ever puts a self-serving twist on events,  this could be thr case. Lots of people tell their partners something about therapy that is skewed in their favor. I have also heard patients tell their partner I said something I absolutely didn't. \n\n\nTo clarify,  gaslighting is lies and manipulation with the intent of making someone question their sanity . This doesn't seem to be the case, based on your description. \n\nI suggest you share these concerns with your therapist . If possible, it may be better to see separate individual therapists.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gygxax", "comment_id": "ftaie2r"}, {"question": "Would it be appropriate to bring my therapist home baked bread?", "description": "My therapist is amazing. I'm seen at the VA. I love to bake bread and my fave recipe makes two loaves. She helped me recognize some unhealthy behaviors to do with my hobbies, like baking and sewing. I want to bring her one of the loaves, partly to demonstrate that I'm back to doing the things I enjoy because of her. Would this be innapropriate? If it is, is there another way to show my appreciation that isn't overstepping boundaries? TIA", "answer": "It would not be inappropriate in and of itself. However, a card or a note is more common. Personally, I think the homemade bread means more but therapists (and people in general) are sometimes weird about homemade food from clients.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bmw2em", "comment_id": "en04uiy"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "AASECT is the organization for sex therapists. You can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this.  If you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. If you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. If you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fk7zg0h"}, {"question": "I [24M] dont know if my teacher [??M] is an asshole or I'm just being dramatic. Help?", "description": "It seems clear to me that hes an asshole but all my life people tell me I'm overly dramatic so for several years I've just avoided confronting people with problems even when it seems clear to me that there is some kind of problem. I try to state things clearly and be reasonable but it almost always ends up worse so I've sort of learned to just keep my head down and my mouth shut.\n\n\nI'm having a hard time in a class I'm taking and most everyone seems to have picked up the material by now. A few people are still struggling besides me but most everyone has it down and is ready for the upcoming test we have.\n\nToday we ended class early because the other people struggling didnt show up and everyone else was good to go. The teacher said \"Anyone who still needs to practice, youre welcome to stay... [my name]\".\n\nSo then he decided we would go to his office and these other 2 girls who needed help with another class hes familiar with came for help in that class. The whole time I just silently did my work while girl1 did hers for the other class and girl2 just bullshitted with him. Thing is, girl2 is pretty damn hot and he was more interested in making veiled sexual innuendos with her than helping me. Like jokingly telling her how he can set her up with an internship at his house. I dont care if he wants her or what they do or dont do, thats none of my business. I just want help because this material is hard for me.\n\nI did a few problems after the one he told me to do because once I finished the first one and went to ask him to give me another one, he was too busy talking with girl2 and I couldnt get a word in so I continued and did 2 more. When I went to show him once I had 3 done, he told me I went too far ahead and wouldnt get the right answer because the 3rd problem requires a different method. He then told me \"You just arent good with numbers, bless you\". After this I just wanted to leave so I said well I have to go meet a friend for lunch. He asked me if it was a girl and I said yes, so he told me to put a belt on (Im no gangster. I always wear a belt and wear clothes correctly but I was in a rush this morning. My pants werent sagging or anything, and its not like my underwear was showing, plus I was wearing a sweatshirt). Thanks for the advice.\n\nHe just always seems to have these remarks toward me where Im the butt of a joke. What really set me off was telling me Im just not good with numbers. Im trying not to let that take my motivation but its hard. I would like to say something like, \"Look I just dont like that so please Id like you to tone it down\" but every time Im in a situation like this it just makes the problem worse. Im either told to stop being a bitch and nothing changes or things become weird and the person makes a big deal of things almost sarcastically like \"Oh Im sorry did I hurt your feelings?\".\n\nThis is why I just keep this shit to myself. I realize I must be wrong because this doesnt seem to be an issue for other people, only me. I just wish I could change and be different but I really dont know how. I suppose I can pretend by not saying anything and continue to just laugh because its what people expect but the truth is that it's a fake laugh and I really havent changed at all. I really hate when this happens and I feel helpless to do anything but just accept it.\n\nIs there anyone here who is like this and if so how do you manage?", "answer": "asshole", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u2hjw", "comment_id": "ddqw1uv"}, {"question": "Do relationship breaks work?", "description": "My head tells me to break up with my boyfriend but my heart aches at the reality of that therefor I thought a break could be worthwhile to make a more considered decision.\nI\u2019ve (F/36yr) always thought other couples that take breaks are just a step away from a break up but I now find myself wanting one.\nThe backstory:\nMy boyfriend of 9 months (33yr) is complacent towards our relationship, lazy beyond belief and unmotivated to seek adventure in life. I use to nag, then I tried encouragement techniques to no avail and now I am becoming despondent un attracted and extremely moody to him. Is it possible to change this? My gut instinct says no it\u2019s not possible to change but I don\u2019t want to just give up because I love him. I really don't want to give up but are we ultimately doomed?\nI want a break so I can rediscover myself and to make a plan to reset the unhealthy patterns?\nHow should I instigate the break?\nIs there a best way to take a break?\nCould I possibly make it so we only see each other once a week in mutual territory until such things improve? That's my only real thought for now as well as making some more time to do some special things for myself and to encourage him to use the time wisely also.", "answer": "If they are well defined.\nRecommend: one month. no dating others. meet briefly for coffee1-2/wk", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zetvl", "comment_id": "dmurzy3"}, {"question": "Would a therapist be able to do tele therapy with a client from a different state?", "description": "Hello everyone I am interested in how exactly this works. Would they be able to or would they have to get a license for that state? For example would a PA therapist be able to see a client in say Montana? ", "answer": "Honestly, this is a super tricky question to answer that is going to vary by state and specific licensure, and it is especially complicated and varied *right now*, when a lot of states are offering flex that does not normally exist. (But not all states!)\n\nI know a number of therapists at our local university's Counseling Center and am vaguely aware of their current procedures for the many clients who are currently out-of-state. According to them, many states are simply not accessible in any way (and the Counseling Center is really bending over backwards to help get as many students as possible connected). Further, the therapists I know who are seeing out-of-state telehealth clients have a limited number of states where they are able to practice, and have to keep track of fairly wide range of laws and policies to ensure they are on the up-and-up. \n\nMy clinic has expanded telehealth services to serve the whole state, but no one outside the state.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hn7dma", "comment_id": "fx9zyhl"}, {"question": "I [20M] passed a note to a complete stranger [19-20F] and don't know what to do - just got text", "description": "Hello all, I'm currently in college. I've been very focused on my career and had no interest in girls for a while.\nAbout a month ago, I saw some girl in pottery class working on her pottery. I found her to be strikingly pretty. I meant to stay in the pottery class for 5 minutes and leave but ended up sticking around for 30 minutes when I did not need to be there. I ended up making a flat clay where I basically carved \"Just wanted to tell you that you are *really* pretty.\" I put it next to one of her pots when she left the spot for a second and left.\nMy intention, as a student who's very focused on his career, was to just let her know that she is very pretty, nothing more. I didn't think myself good enough for her anyway.\nAnd then I saw her here and there - I don't think she knew it was me. And then my brain was telling me I shouldn't do this, but I ended up writing a note saying that I think that she is very pretty with my phone number. I went up to her and gave her the note and left.\nI got a text message with her thanking me today.\n\nHere's the problem:\n1) Our final exams are in 4 days, so I can't see myself asking her out.\n2) Finals in 4 days means summer is right around the corner.\n3) I unfortunately lack confidence. I do not know what to text her. Long response about my honest feelings/very short response?\n\nThank you all", "answer": "\"Want to grab coffee after finals?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694p3b", "comment_id": "dh3qdl8"}, {"question": "Question about health insurance and confidentiality in the US", "description": "This is a somewhat hypothetical question because I'm not on a parent's insurance, but I saw a post in another subreddit about someone needing therapy for a serious issue and avoiding it because they were on their parents' insurance and didn't want them (or anyone) to know about seeking therapy. It never really occurred to me before that just due to being on someone else's insurance, they could have access to that kind of information. \n\nThe person was over 18 years old. Every therapist I've ever been to has had me fill out confidentiality papers in the beginning about who they can even contact by phone, and certainly never sent any mail or anything to my house, and I always paid any fees there in the office at the time of my appointments. Is there some other way a parent would be made aware of their kid being in therapy just due to the fact that they're using the parents' health insurance to access it?\n\nI wasn't sure if this was the right place to post at first because this seems to be more about insurance, but I figured therapists probably need to be pretty well versed in any potential weak spots in confidentiality. Thanks!", "answer": "Yes.  Most insurance companies will send either by mail or electronically a statement to the person who's name is on the insurance regarding what services the insurance company paid for.  \n\n\nSo in this case, if someone is on their parent's insurance and goes to therapy, the client will have signed a release of information to the insurance company so that the therapist is able to bill the company, or else the client couldn't use their insurance.  \n\n\nOther than a statement showing the dates that the person attended therapy, the parent doesn't have any access to specific records, tx plans, or the therapist's notes.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f2a78n", "comment_id": "fhbd8br"}, {"question": "Driving me crazy", "description": "Me 29M, her 35,\n\nSingle for quiet a long time, a good few years.. \n\nWas talking to this girl who was married for 9 years, divorced couple of years ago, she's got 2 kids older one is 10. she's had a few relationships after her divorce. She did tell me she's got remnants of her ex which she's trying to move on from.. she also said that there's nothing between them anymore.. but she keeps in touch with her ex's as she says she doesn't like breaking ties as they were good friends once. I started liking her since I saw her first time. We were good friends until I felt the need of telling her how I would want to get along with her as in get married to her. I understand she's been through divorce and dealt with few breakups. But what she did a week before made me think about moving on with her. She spent whole weekend with her ex.. tho she said everythings finished between them. It's just friendship. we didn't promise relationship or marriage to each other yet. But we were talking about it. I don't know how I can deal with this situation. She tells me she likes me once and the next moment she says she don't see any future of us together.. it's more like I can't be with her knowing the fact that she's still involved with her ex and I can't be without her as this is the only thing I ever wanted to happen. Have her in my life. ", "answer": "you have to let go if she's involved with her ex.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmtz7", "comment_id": "dbp44bf"}, {"question": "Can you fake having depression?", "description": "I\u2019ve been conflicted on whether or not I\u2019m faking this whole depression. I know it sounds absurd and offensive. Why would anyone want to pretend and act depressed? But I denied my mental health so much that now I\u2019m not able to tell what feels real and what doesn\u2019t. So I\u2019ve been stuck with this mindset that I\u2019m not really depressed. And that I\u2019ll wake up back to normal, but everyday nothing really changes. Worst has to be the numbing feeling. I laugh, I smile. But it doesn\u2019t feel real. I wake up early in the morning before the sunrise, and instead of being excited like I used to, I just feel uninterested. \n\nMedication doesn\u2019t really work. I haven\u2019t really made the effort to talk to a therapist. And sometimes when I do vent with a close friend, it only feels satisfying for a bit. Then nothing. I really can\u2019t understand why in a years time I changed so much. Does anyone know if it\u2019s possible for someone to not be actually depressed or have anxiety, and just pretend they do because they believe so much that they have it?\n\nObligatory mention of my age, sex, height and medication: 21, Male, 5\u20199\u201d, 145 pounds, anti depressants and Buspirone for anxiety.", "answer": ">Worst has to be the numbing feeling. I laugh, I smile. But it doesn\u2019t feel real. I wake up early in the morning before the sunrise, and instead of being excited like I used to, I just feel uninterested. \n\nThat sounds very much like depression. People think depression has to be \"I feel really sad all the time,\" but that isn't the only way to be depressed. Feeling like all the joy and fun has disappeared from life can also be a form of depression.\n\nYou say medication doesn't work but nothing about what hasn't worked. You haven't tried therapy. I urge you to give at least one, and maybe both, a shot (or another shot).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "duxvor", "comment_id": "f79ao8q"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Also please  try to get help for you and your friend. You don\u2019t have to live unhappy. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "dr8yehl"}, {"question": "What should I [20/f] do about the erratic behavior of a guy [22/m] after a fight that happened long ago", "description": "So there is a guy that I used to be into, but were only ever friends and he made that clear a while back. However, we got closer after the fact, and by two months ago were studying together and talking on social media rather frequently.\n\nWe had a fight over the fact that I felt he was taking advantage of my willingness to help him, as over time it began to feel like he was just being nice to me when I could do something for him. I tried to ask him to soften things a little and for example say thank you when I helped him with something, because I didn't like feeling like I was obliged to do things for him.\n\nHe apologized and was distant after this. I tried to ask him if he wanted to talk about the situation and he more or less blew up on me, saying we were only ever class friends, that the fight was stupid, I was being dramatic, and he didn't want to talk to me outside of class anymore or bring up the fight.\n\nI apologized in return and told him he could talk to me whenever he felt comfortable. He proceeded to ignore me for a week, then slowly he tried to be more and more friendly. He'd talk to me more in class, sometimes acknowledge me if he ran into me in the library, occasionally ask me for help - all going against what he said. And it's awkward. He is visibly nervous when he does it.\n\nI want to get the stupid elephant out of the room but I don't know how. It doesn't seem like he has the guts to do it. I kind of want to text him and ask him if I struck a nerve in that fight, because I feel like I did but he won't admit it. And I also won't ever get him to talk in person, so that's not a possibility. He's also moving away soon so I just want to make my peace and move on.\n\n**tl;dr**: He told me not to talk to him about a fight we had, and is going back on his word that he wouldn't talk to me. I feel like something needs to be said but I don't know how to go about it, and he is too awkward to ever admit what is wrong.", "answer": "Potential serious communication flaws here. Might need a professional to sort out dynamics.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67hco9", "comment_id": "dgqej0j"}, {"question": "Upset my[22m] gf[21f] won't block my old friends. Am I in the wrong and any advice to give me?", "description": "I had two old friends that I was close too, both of which happened to be girls. Shortly after my gf started dating 6 months ago I realized that they were pretty toxic so I ended up blocking them. My gf wouldn't however, she did finally end up removing them but only after I threw a fit. However, one of them has a class in the same building and started talking to my gf again. She ended up adding my gf back on snapchat, my gf lied about it and didn't tell me even after I asked her(before I saw the name on her phone). I only know because I happened to see her name while my gf showed me a snap chat. I did not go through her phone. These girls cause a lot of drama and have ended relationships before so I didn't want them to affect this one. I also went on a date with both of them so I figured she would be sort of happy I blocked them. I have not asked her to block or stop talking to any other people, besides these two and they weren't even her friends they were mine. Anytime I ask her now to block them she asks me if I'm hiding something but I'm not, it's just that these two girls have ended relationships before.Am I in the wrong asking her to block these two and not befriends with them or am I being controlling?", "answer": "Have you tried having an open and honest conversation with your gf about why you blocked them and why it makes you uncomfortable? That you value the relationship you have with her and what your concerns are with the one girl that ended a previous relationship and why what she did had that impact?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "f7m95i", "comment_id": "ficaeq4"}, {"question": "I need an online counselor but I'm too young", "description": "I'm fed up with saying I can solve problems on my own, because it clearly isn't working. I know there's something wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. I need to speak with a professional about it, but I can't without consent from a parent.\n\nI can't tell my parents about any of this because they still treat me like I'm a child. I'm turning 18 this year, but they're still gonna treat my mental state like it's something I'm making up or that it's just hormones. It's not, and I know it.\n\nLegally I'm supposed to get consent from an adult before I can do online counseling. I need help, but I don't know where to get it.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI personally don't recommend online therapy for your age group. It's quite different than in-person work and developmentally there are a lot of things that can be missed if your counseling relationship is solely through an online platform. Online therapy is good for certain types of specific mild concerns, social phobias, physical difficulties in transport to an office, or living in a rural area with few in-person options available. I would not start there if I were you.\n\nIf you are 17, are you still in high school? If so, your school may have some resources available to you that you can talk to a professional through without parents specifically knowing. It likely won't be a full counseling process, but you may be able to get a better idea of what's going on so that your next choices about treatment will be more informed.\n\nAlso, check your state laws: some states allow minors of a certain age to see a mental health professional for a certain number of sessions without parental consent if the concerns are grave enough to warrant it. In my state, for example, a minor age 13-17 can reach out to a designated agency/place/advocacy group to speak with a mental health professional without needing parental consent if it is due to a mental health crisis or acute substance use issue. What counts as either of those is defined by the minor. That might be a possible option for you as a very short term solution.\n\nI would encourage though, trying to have a more thorough discussion with your parents and see if they will at least entertain the idea. I've had some of my 17 year olds come in with parents just to sign the consent forms and then engage with me entirely on their own.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em1qzk", "comment_id": "fdlr33e"}, {"question": "Question about breathing techniques", "description": "I\u2019ve been really stressed over the past couple of days because of future travel plans. I\u2019ve noticed when I have a lot of anxiety I breathe more from my chest, it\u2019s kind of like a tight feeling where it\u2019s hard to catch my breath. Is there a way to deal with this? It\u2019s an awful feeling when it\u2019s happening. ", "answer": "Check out some mindfulness apps, Breathe is a personal favorite.  They have lots of guided breathing sessions.  Also I think breathing with your diaphragm may help too.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9jfa1x", "comment_id": "e6qx8ch"}, {"question": "Seeking mental health help but not sure where to start", "description": "I want and know I need to start receiving some treatment for my mental health but I'm not sure where to start.\n\nI've been struggling with depression and anxiety for a long time and no longer feel like it is manageable on my own. I'm not sure who I should go to first. \n\nShould I go to a general practitioner and get guidance what to do from there?\n\nShould I start with a therapist or counselor? A psychologist? How do i go about finding the right one?\n\nAny advice is welcome, and thank you very much for your time. ", "answer": "Some demographics would probably help. Usually it's the GP you'd first turn to, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vtnkq", "comment_id": "de4t4rp"}, {"question": "Weekend Writing", "description": "Trying out something new!\n\nJournalling is a big part of my recovery. I love the process of writing and it helps me find perspective. \n\nThe mods had this idea to do a \"weekend writing prompt.\" Every week we will be giving a different prompt.\n\nYou don't have to share it here, but you are very welcome to!\n\n**Today's Prompt**\n\n**What is something that you want to forgive yourself for?**", "answer": "I want to forgive myself for hurting the people close to me when I'm drunk.  I want to forgive myself for.. not being the person I feel like I \"should be\".  I want to forgive myself for struggling to cope in healthier ways. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43hm70", "comment_id": "czjtpo5"}, {"question": "Saggy boobies", "description": "So to skip straight to the point, I have saggy boobs. Not like a slight sag, but major sag - nothing hot imo. I'm in a serious relationship that's lasted for a couple months and I'm real scared and have no idea what to do about revealing my chest to him for the first time. Thing is, I asked him last night about how he feels about saggy boobs and apparently he's really into them? Something about how he's into MILFs and MILFs tend to have saggy boobs? He did sound completely genuine and honest and he'd never lie to  me. It might sound strange, it does to me at least, but it's given me an almost little bit of hope to the situation. I kind of don't believe him and I'm still real scared to reveal myself to him, even if he is into saggy boobs, but idk what to do. I'm considering even waiting a couple years and just getting a boob job. If he actually ends up liking them then what's the point? I'm not sure what I should do here really.  :/", "answer": "Acting as though your body is lovable is an emotional risk for a lot of people, but it\u2019s the only way to get the love (and fun sex whatever that you might prefer). \n\nYou said: I\u2019m scared. \n\nHe said: don\u2019t let that stop you. \n\nSo maybe don\u2019t. \n\nAll serious relationships lead to flabby 80 year olds pounding skin anyways, so enjoy what you\u2019ve got. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "8t77zn", "comment_id": "e15aqpi"}, {"question": "How to cope with rejection", "description": "So i (17M) liked this girl (17F) and approached her to make conversation (I told her that i wanted to know her) and she simply just said sorry and walked off, i dont know if it just is a rant or what but that was rude and i did not like that, what should i do?", "answer": "Rejection is a normal part of life and dating.  It's going to happen to you a lot so long as you actually keep trying.  It stings a little less after it's happened to you a ton of times.  It also hurts less when you realize a few things.\n\n\n1.  There is no 1 measuring stick for attractiveness.  What is attractive to you, might not be attractive at all to others, and vice versa.  If someone rejects you based on appearance, this doesn't mean you aren't attractive or there's something wrong with you, it just means you weren't attractive to them meanwhile other women may find you very attractive.  \n\n\n2.  If you don't know the person you are approaching, them rejecting you may have nothing to do with you at all.  They may already be in a committed relationship.  They may have just gotten out of a bad relationship and not be interested in dating right now.  They may just be having a really stressful or bad day and not want to talk to somebody they don't know.  While certainly sometimes it is, other times it's not always about you and keeping this in mind can take the sting out of it.\n\n\nPersonally, I don't think the way she handled it was very rude.  I think it just seems that way because of the blow to your ego.  \n\n\nAs others have said, remember that many women get cat called and hit on all the time.  Many times, if they reject the person's advances, they're either insulted, threatened, or at worst attacked.  When I was your age I knew this happened, but didn't think it was super common because well... I was a pretty decent guy and all of my guy friends were pretty decent guys, so it seemed exaggerated.  \n\nLet me tell you, after making friends with lots of women, this shit happens so much and so often it's really disgusting and scary.  Just keep that in mind when it comes to situations like this.  \n\n\nLastly, you get to feel however you feel.  If you feel insulted, if you need to rant, if you feel angry, sad, whatever.... you get to feel that way.  Just make sure you're doing something healthy to deal with that which doesn't harm yourself or anyone else.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep0lz4", "comment_id": "feh3agd"}, {"question": "Help!", "description": "So here's the situation, the girl I like is my sisters friend, my sister is 21 I'm 20 and her friend is 20, theirs a party coming up soon and myself and my friends and all my sisters friends are going to be their, and the girl I like. But since I have a close relationship with my sister she knows I'm interested in her friend and she said she would introduce her to me, so here's where I need help, I've had girlfriends and know how to talk to girls but for some reason I can't explain I just really like this girl and can't stop thinking about her, and I don't know what to say to her when the day of the party comes, I was thinking of telling her that she is pretty or beautiful but I don't want to be too forward, and I really don't want to creep her out and ruin the whole situation cause I want to make it work. This is strange to me cause I think I'm actually in love with her and in past relationships I was so easy going cause I think I wasn't as passionate and didn't actually truly love them as much as I love this girl. I need help!! Any replies are appreciated and thanks if you took the time to read the post. ", "answer": "Don't tell her she's beautiful.  Just ask her how school is going and what's she's been up to and RELAX.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "709x7h", "comment_id": "dn1ii9i"}, {"question": "Good resources for parenting when YOU have ADHD?", "description": "Since Google is for technical reasons unable to distinguish articles about how to parent children with ADHD and articles about how to parent when you yourself have ADHD, is there anyone here who has some good resources on the topic?\n\nBooks, blog posts, videos, everything welcome.", "answer": "I want resources, but I know I in fact just need to do what I know I need to do.\n\nNeed to have more time for myself and stop pressuring myself with guilt. Need to be more assertive with my husband when I'm not coping.\n\nIt's mother's day tomorrow and I'm going to start this all in the morning. I can't continue like this. I need help.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bn0hyj", "comment_id": "en3uen7"}, {"question": "You guys ever get hungry but just don't want to eat anything at all?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "That sort of thing happens to me and makes me extremely underweight, the weight drops off pretty quick. Sometimes when I have no desire or willingness to eat anything I can get myself to at least drink something caloric like a smoothie or milkshake. I'm told that if you can force yourself to eat you should and that it'll help. But I rarely do that when I'm feeling as you are. Be patient with yourself and do what you can.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "447t5t", "comment_id": "czo5d3m"}, {"question": "How do you break your concentration when you are hyperfocused on things? I use the computer too much for this reason. ", "description": "I become hyperfocused by reading things I am interested in online and I don't do things around my house. ", "answer": "[ThunderBall](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15m_i6QPAXE)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xbg97", "comment_id": "c5l4de4"}, {"question": "the worst part about an anxiety disorder is that you know there is no reason to be anxious", "description": "ADHD, GAD and a major depression is what my doctor diagnosed. And it basically evolved in the same order. \n\nI'm unemployed for almost 2 years now. Not just am I broke but I really want to work, want to earn some money and do something else than just sitting around 24/7.\n\nI have a CS education and worked as a software developer. Obviously there are enough jobs I could apply for with this education. Even becoming a freelancer could be an option.\n\nBut I'm too anxious. I need someone who constantly tells me I'm doing fine or w/e or I feel very uncomfortable because I think I'm doing everything wrong / everyone dislikes me because I'm a lazy douche. \n\nDuring my last job I tried really hard to be *normal*. But I could tell myself all day long I'm doing fine it didn't help. Lost the job basically because of my *weird* behavior.\n\nI mean I know that I can't ask for a job where everyone is nice to me and tells me that I'm doing fine. \n\nI have no idea how to get back into work. I'm actually to anxious to write an application. \n\n\nwell. whatever. thank you for reading. had to let off some steam.", "answer": "The worst part is that it convinces you there is something to be scared of and then BAM, your worried about your throat closing up or your butt opening up. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6bee23", "comment_id": "dhmh59p"}, {"question": "I slipped guys.", "description": "I drank yesterday. I'm trying not to today. I'm sorry guys, but I don't think I belong in this group. I don't know what to do. Therapy hasn't helped, AA hasn't helped, rehab hasn't helped. I obviously can't pull myself out of the hole I created. Am I just destined for this forever? I know it's no ones fault but my own, but I'm so angry at the world. I feel like I'm just done. I can't get away from myself. I'm sorry if I'm just being depressing and I wish everyone the best of luck. Nothing has helped me. Am I just being a wuss?", "answer": "Please don\u2019t leave. Relapse is part of recovery; I don\u2019t know anyone who has gotten recovery without trying and \u201cfailing\u201d first. \n\nEach slip is an opportunity to learn. It is not because you\u2019re not good enough or capable enough; it\u2019s because addiction is a bitch and kicking it\u2019s ass takes time and usually multiple attempts before it \u201cclicks\u201d. \n\nIf anyone here decided to quit and on their first attempt was able to put down the drink and never look back, they can correct me. My hat is off to them. But most of us are like you: we quit, we slipped, we felt demoralized and rinsed and repeated. This is exactly where you belong. \n\nMay I ask: did you get a sponsor in AA? I personally hate AA, but getting a sponsor was what finally stopped my slips. It\u2019s worth a try when everything else has failed. \n\nChin up my friend. You CAN do this. IWDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7sru7y", "comment_id": "dt7uq3p"}, {"question": "Why don't girls ever do this?", "description": "I saw [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fti75/did_i_make_a_huge_mistake/) this morning, and it got me thinking that you often see guys in these long relationships where they suddenly seem to realize that they'll never love the person they're with, but you rarely see women posting saying they've dated someone for three years, and just don't see a future with them.  Is it a gender difference?  I feel as though I know (I am female) pretty quickly whether or not I would be interested in a person and if I'm not or it seems like I never will, I don't go further with it.  I just don't really understand how you someone ends up being with someone for years and years and then realizes they'll never actually love them.\n\n**Edit**: I would also add that I feel as though it is men who often feel as though women are not \"bringing enough intellectually to the table.\"  This is another aspect of things that I think is pretty quickly discernible, and it's strange that several months or years down the line, you suddenly realize that it's a thing.  \n\n**Edit 2**: This is also mostly based on posts in this and other relationshippy subreddits, where I feel as though I see these things played out.  Someone ought to conduct a study where they characterize the nature of posts by men and women in a particular subreddit over a year or something.  We might be able to learn something.", "answer": "I may be able to offer some insight here.  I'm a (male) licensed therapist.\n\nI think guys are more likely to make the mistake of thinking that love is JUST an emotion that we don't have any control over. It's either there or it isn't.\n\nWomen seem to be more likely to understand that love is more than just an emotion and we can actively change how we feel about another person with some work.  Unfortunately, the mistake they usually make is believing that the work should come from the male in the relationship. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ftq7u", "comment_id": "c1ikc2b"}, {"question": "Mri with or without contrast for detecting pancreatic cancer?", "description": "Hi i am a 25 year old male that recently got an mri for fear of pancreatic cancer.  I was in panic mode so i got it at the first place i could.  They did not offer with contrast or not.  I am about 5'10 and i was 186 pounds but i have dropped 3 in the last week alone.  I am constantly having back tightness as well as abdominal tightness and nausea/loss of appetite.  Is not having contrast a big deal when it comes to detecting pancreatic cancer?  My report came back normal for my whole abdomen.  Do i need to get another mri with contrast?", "answer": "My knowledge of pancreatic cancer isn't extensive, but your description is bizarre.\n\nPancreatic cancer is rare in young people, and the nonspecific symptoms of tightness, nausea, and weight loss (you don't say how much total, and 3 pounds is often without measurement error) don't indicate cancer, much less pancreatic cancer. If this were concerning for cancer I would look for other types first. And for pancreatic cancer there is no good reason to use MRI as the first imaging modality. Ultrasound and CT are usually first choices.\n\nI am concerned that you requested this from an unethical imaging center and paid out of pocket, so they just took your money. This is neither a differential diagnosis nor a workup that makes sense to me.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y686n", "comment_id": "e28h7kp"}, {"question": "Is this normal?", "description": "I've worked in the defense industries and military since I was 19 and the last couple years has had me deal with many guys from the special operations community. I believe I may have developed some strange habits or tricks from the nature of my work but I wonder if these are just normal protective instincts.\n\nOverall when I'm with friends and family I can calm down and relax, but when I'm out in public my demeanor changes dramatically. I've been told that many times my face becomes either stoic or contorted to convey a \"piss off, don't fuck with me\" attitude. I continually plan exit routes and profile each person for their relative \"threat\" to me or the people I'm with.  My friends make fun of me, but when I come into a restaurant but I have to face the door and I'll still \"scan\". People standing or walking within 3 ft of me and especially directly behind me drive me insane. \n\nOverall I dont think I'm paranoid, but I cant get my heightened awareness down sometimes. When I try to stop these behaviors my stress level goes up even more. For reference I dont remember any significant trauma and I can't get into what I do for work, but I haven't been in combat yet. I'm a pretty big dude and physically could overpower most people.\n\nNot looking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has had this issue or know something that might help, please let me know.", "answer": "As a psychologist who has worked in prisons, max-security hospitals, inpatient units, and now back to prison...mainly places where the chances of me being hurt or attacked are greater than the general public.  \n\nIt has become a habit for me, at work, home, in the community.  Similar to you, I like to face the door, I want to see who is coming in and out, as well as with whom.  I prefer to sit near an exit, I'll think about where I might hide if an active shooter entered.  I've had lots of training, I'm around a lot of former military, and I model them and they give me tips.  But yea, I definitely have that 'f-off' facial expression.  I am not physically intimidating, lol.  \n\nTo me, I say it's normal because of what I do for work.  Same for you.  I don't want to lose that heightened sense of awareness, it hasn't done me wrong yet.  \n\nWhat may be normal for me might not be normal for you.  It depends on the extent to which these behaviors negatively impact your daily functioning.  Do they interfere with work, family, home, that type of thing?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a4dt57", "comment_id": "ebdl3iq"}, {"question": "My grandfather is tripping balls", "description": "My grandfather, 99 years old, reported to the hospital Saturday with pneumonia. And it was weird. His second or third day there was shockingly lucid. He's normally very lucid. Like, he'll know who I am, recognize me, be excited to see me, but not really engage me in conversation. A little distant. It's been like this for the last couple years.\n\nBut that day at the hospital, he knew who I was and telling me stories, reliving these experiences that we shared (and a few we didn't). He was watching the news (which he normally does with a religious obsession).\n\nNext day though, he got a little more out of it and yesterday was really delirious, hallucinating like crazy. Figuring that the disorientation of being in the hospital was the cause and since his lungs were mostly cleared up, we took him home.\n\nAnd for a little while, he was fine. Now though, it's going on 430am and he is tripping balls. He's flipping out about children in danger, talking to people who aren't there. And talking non-stop at full volume.\n\nI have literally no idea how to interact with him right now while he's hallucinating. When friends trip, they know they're tripping. I don't think he knows he's tripping. Explaining to him that the things that he's seeing are not real both seems obviously wrong to me.\n\nI have no idea how to help him come back.", "answer": "Especially considering the relative rapid onset, it would be important that you call his doctor ASAP. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "412f7m", "comment_id": "cyzhsbb"}, {"question": "Are you sober or in recovery? What are you looking forward to doing in 2017?", "description": "I have found that putting the kibbosh on my bottom line behaviors has given me more free time. Suddenly, I'm no longer longer spending so many hours obsessing and planning and spinning my wheels... Instead, I have to find healthy ways to occupy myself and positive coping skills to keep myself busy when I get antsy.\n\nSince I've committed to not dating for a year while I focus on my recovery, it really opens wide some possibilities for me. How will I spend this time?\n\nPersonally, I want to finish my undergrad degree in 2017.\n\nI also want to choose a grad program and apply to it.\n\nI'd like to learn to meditate, too, instead of wanting to crawl out of my skin when I'm alone with myself.\n\nI want to go to meetings (at least 4 a month, hopefully a lot more) and to work on my codependency issues. \n\nI also want to try taking a short trip alone - not to visit anyone - just to prove to myself that I am company enough.\n\nFinally, I am determined to make it one full year without dating.\n\nWhat do YOU aim to do in 2017??", "answer": "I will be finishing my master's degree and starting a new career path. I'm also looking to check out different meetings and find new ways to deepen my spiritual practice. And, I'd like to bring more joy and fun into my day-to-day life rather than continuing to put it off with \"once I finish doing *XYZ* I'll finally try this\".", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5kt324", "comment_id": "dbqoela"}, {"question": "I'm mourning the death of my old self", "description": "Alcohol was so entrenched in my life ever since I was a kid. Everything 'fun' my parents ever did revolved around alcohol. Having a dinner party just meant getting drunk over a plate of food. Going to see family meant getting drunk with the family. The only time I ever saw my miserable parents happy was when they where drunk. When I got older everything I did for fun revolved around alcohol. Going to see a band meant getting drunk in front of a stage. Going to game at my friends house meant getting drunk in front of a controller. Visiting girlfriends family meant getting drunk with in laws. All my life the idea of people who didnt drink was mocked by every adult I knew, wine and beer where the ultimate joy, the greatest thing in the world, the only way any one could have fun. Looking back it's pathetic. My inner dialogue still equates everything considered fun relaxing or celebratory to alcohol. I still think to myself I need a 'treat' on the weekends. Treats are what you use to stop dogs defecating in the house. I'm scared of the unknown. Since the age of 15 I've been known as the party animal, it was my identity. I'm now an adult and haven't got a clue who I really am. If I'm not the beer chugging, weed smoking, wacky party guy then just who am I? Looking in the mirror as a full grown man and not knowing who I see freaks me out. The old me isn't there he was an illusion but I wore that mask for so long I believed it was my own face. I don't know who I am but I guess its time to find out.", "answer": "When I got sober and had some time, I felt the same way. I had no idea who I was, what my principles were, what I believed in morally and politically; any of it. I learned so much about myself in the first few years it was amazing. Discovering who I really am was a journey that really made my sobriety that much better. Then I later threw it away, but that\u2019s another story all together. When I was in rehab, there was a guy who kept saying \u201cI look forward to the death of self.\u201d It was his mantra or some shit. It made a ton of sense. So, I would say embrace the death of your old self, and buckle up and look forward to learning who you REALLY are. It\u2019s a hell of a journey.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cy86vd", "comment_id": "eyqg81d"}, {"question": "is it normal to wish for trauma, injury, etc. so you have a reason for your depression or anxiety other than \"your brain doesn't work right?\"", "description": "having a bit of a breakdown rn over absolutely nothing. i'm lucky in many ways, i have many people's ideal life, but i'm always having anxiety attacks and dissociating and i just want a reason for it so i feel like less of an overly sensitive idiot\n\nedit: holy shit this is a lot of replies. i would reply to them all but there's just so many. thank you all for being so supportive, i definitely feel better about this.", "answer": "Besser van der Kolk studies developmental trauma and the longterm effects it has on the body. Trauma does not have to look like physical abuse or neglect. It can be years of passive aggressive, toxic, and disorganized behavior by caregivers - and still take a huge toll on us and out bodies. I recommend reading \"the body keeps the score\". it may help you understand and accept yourself for who you are:) stay safe and sending hugs your way. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM)", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "fp4qih", "comment_id": "fljurz3"}, {"question": "Can I be a good psychologist?", "description": "Hello\n\nI know that maybe it sounds contradictory to ask this in this forum ... \n\nI always look for jobs where I do not have to have contact with people, but I do not see myself studying something else rather than psychology. \nI do not see myself working in something that is not a social reason, I want to help people, I am a good listener and I feel that I am a good adviser (although I know that a psychologist is not a counselor), I love volunteering and helping children and people in need. \n\nBut I am very afraid of not being able to work well with the profession, not being a good psychologist, not being able to address groups or things like that. What do you think? Is there a psychologist here or someone who is studying that?\n\nThanks", "answer": "I am not a psychologist, but a licensed counselor.  However, I can empathize with your thoughts because I always wonder if I am meant to be here since I struggle so much with my own social anxiety.  But I think that is what helps in a sense because I can see what my clients feel from their perspective.  Also, as far as doing the job itself, I just take it day by day, moment by moment.  Sometimes I do stutter and make social blunders, but I push through.  I think about the people I am helping and that motivates me.  Good luck to you! ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "avsksh", "comment_id": "ehhnbw9"}, {"question": "My mom\u2019s doctor wants to take her off her Abilify that she\u2019s been on for ~20 years because it could cause dementia", "description": "Sex: female\n\nAge: 59\n\nWeight: ~130-140lbs\n\nHeight: 5\u20194\n\nRace: Swedish, Irish, born and raised in the US\n\nMeds: Abilify (taken for 20 years or more)\n\nConditions: Hep C, Osteoarthritis, depression, ptsd, schizoaffective disorder. (Her siblings have bipolar and schizophrenia)\n\nComplaint: What should my mom do? Is there a similar med she could switch to? \n\nDuration: A few days ago my moms doc told her they should stop her Abilify. \n\nLocation: Wasilla, Alaska, just moved from Juneau, Alaska\n\nIm fine with the idea of taking my mom off her Abilify if it means a lesser chance of Dementia. We\u2019re trying to get her a specialist for her Hep C so she can get treatment (also has had hep c for ~20 years) so i imagine she would also have to stop her abilify for the treatment anyway. \n\nI just dont want her to get so depressed and irritable, like when she misses a dose or two. Honestly, it ruins the day for everyone (i love her tho, she is normally very sweet and kind). \n\nIs there a similar med to abilify? Anything we could suggest to the doc or bring up?", "answer": "Antipsychotics like aripiprazole (Abilify) do carry a black box warning for risk when given to someone with dementia, but most do not have any increased risk of dementia that I'm aware of. Any risk would probably be from anticholinergic properties, which Abilify doesn't have.\n\nYou don't have to stop taking Abilify to get treatment for hepatitis C.\n\nThis idea mostly doesn't make sense to me. It's possible that something is getting conveyed wrong through your mom, but it's also possible that your mom's doctor is doing something that doesn't make sense, or at least doesn't make sense from what you could present here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "botjdz", "comment_id": "enmgie6"}, {"question": "How to handle guys calling you pet names, and telling them to stop without ruining things?", "description": "Once before I have been very up front and direct and it backfired. An old friend of mine started calling me cutie, lil' momma, darling. I said \"I'm sorry, but it's really making me uncomfortable when you call me those cutesy names.\", He ended up blocking me on everything, sending me one last message telling me I changed, etc., etc. I guess he wasn't much of a friend?\n\nBut right now there is a guy I started talking to who I remember from high school. We have really interesting conversation and it's so refreshing. But now he started calling me \"Chica\" and mentioned I was cute before. Like, we only started talking last week and I really want to develop a friendship with this dude. I'm also fresh out of a relationship as well. We are going to hang out this weekend. How would I go about telling him how I want to just chill and be friends. I'm not in the right headspace to get romantic if that's what he's getting at. He has two sisters so I'm not sure if he just talks like that. Other than that everything is great.", "answer": "If a guy decides to cut you off because of that, it simply means he didn't want to be friends in the first place and was only interested in a romantic relationship.  \n\n\nEven though it sucks, isn't it better to find that out early rather than investing a lot of time and energy into a friendship only to find out months down the line that the guy was fantasizing about you and will cut and run as soon as he realizes he's not getting into your pants?\n\n\nBeing honest and up front is key.  Also, a lot of guys get blinders on with stuff like this so it's best to be direct and not to be subtle as they may not pick up on hints that they don't want to hear.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dz136o", "comment_id": "f84nxj7"}, {"question": "I need some major guidance", "description": "Okay so Im trying out to be a sugar baby. I have an account in seeking arrangement and I\u2019ve had it for about a week now. I\u2019ve talk to a good amount of men here and there and one stuck out the most so I started to text him. Once I gave him my number and when he texted me I went to look at his profile one last time and all of a sudden it\u2019s inactive. He only wants to call, he sends like four word sentences. And when he texted he asked if I\u2019ve done an arrangement before, I\u2019d I have a job and go to school and who I bank with (Not what my banking info is) We\u2019ve only called twice for only about 5 mins each, he keeps asking every time if I\u2019m calling from home which the first time I wasn\u2019t, he asked me about my bills and then he said he\u2019ll call me when I get home. Then he calls me and this time I\u2019m home, he asks about three times if I was home and I say yes. He was late to call by 30 mins so he cut the call short said he will call me the next day. He says it\u2019s only platonic and no sex so I\u2019m confused on what exactly he wants. And I\u2019m curious why does he always want me to be home ?", "answer": "Not a \"Sugar Daddy\"  You are being groomed for a fakecheck scam.\n\nHe is going to convince you that he is legit and will offer to pay your bills for you.  He will ask you for your account numbers to your bank.  you will give them to him because he sounds so great. He will put money in your account.  You will pay your bills with the money.  you will think it's amazing.  You will think he's legit.\n\nIn a few days or weeks, your bank will notify you that the money that was deposited was reversed because it came from a stolen account.\n\nWorse, the bills you paid - they will hit you with a \"reversed payment\" fee on top of late fees for paying them with money you didn't really have.\n\nEven *worse* is that the \"Daddy\" will deposit MORE than enough in your account and ask you to send him the balance with gift cards, which, you'll do, because he gave you way too much money and he's oh, so generous.\n\nYou'll be on the hook 100% for all the money that was dumped into your accounts plus overdraft fees, plus the fees from the bills you paid but now owe again due to the money being taken from them.\n\nHe wants you to be home and calling from a home phone/landline so he can easily trace you/find your address and then threaten/blackmail you when you don't send him gift cards.  Either that or he wants you to somewhere where you are relaxed/let your guard down so you are more trusting, less suspicious, feel relaxed, and therefore he can work his sweet talk on you to get you to believe him.  It\n\nIt's a VERY common \"Sugar Scam\"  Block him, move on to someone real who wants to meet in person.\n\nPro Tip: \"Platonic\" Sugar Daddies are unicorns.  You don't have one, even if you think you do.  It's simply a painted mule.\n\nPro Tip #2: NEVER EVER use your real phone number, EVER, and do NOT iChat.  Get a  burner number like Google Voice or 2nd Line.  NEVER EVER give out ANY real contact info, EVER.  Not until you meet in person and have done so several times and trust that person.  Burner numbers, disposable emails....and NEVER let them pick you up.  Always drive yourself or Uber!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e8nad1", "comment_id": "fae8ahh"}, {"question": "Am I still suffering side effects from an overdose one month ago?", "description": "43, female, 150#, Deep South. I take Lamictal 100mg and Wellbutrin 150mg once daily. \n\nOn March 3 I OD\u2019d on klonopin and narco. I spent 6 days in a coma and another 7 fighting pneumonia. \n\nMy cognitive abilities came back very slowly but I\u2019m having some physical issues. \n\nI\u2019m always cold, I\u2019m never hungry. I\u2019m having extreme difficulty staying hydrated. I\u2019ve developed severe nausea and I\u2019m running fever. \n\nI feel so miserable right now. Could these be lingering side effects? ", "answer": "It's unlikely that you're having side effects from overdose per se a month out. However, you could certainly still be having fallout from being very sick, including still being very sick. The fever is very concerning. Being comatose for days and pneumonia (aspiration pneumonia?) are not small things.\n\nYou should see a doctor. If your fever is significant, you should probably go to an ER, ideally at the hospital that first treated you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88wyxt", "comment_id": "dwoci1x"}, {"question": "[18M] Not sure where else to put this, but I'm having trouble figuring out what the next step for me and my partner is.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "DEFINE what you want yourselves to be", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64ja81", "comment_id": "dg2ko32"}, {"question": "Anyone puzzled to find out that suicidal ideation is relatively rare and considered unusual and serious?", "description": "I have suicidal thoughts thousands of times a day.  When I walk around and see the expressions on other people's faces, I always assume this is the same for them.  I guess my depression causes me to project my own feelings on everyone elses.  But I must say, the more I've researched depression the more I've realized that suicidal thinking is rather rare and dangerous.  I saw one statistic that said about 3% of americans had suicidal thoughts in the last year.  This seems very low, and I supposed my outlook on life is so warped that I have a hard time imagining the majority of people can make it through a day without imagining hanging themselves. Can anybody relate?", "answer": "I once read an article about the Golden Gate Bridge being the most jumped-off bridge in America or something. There's a volunteer group that patrols the bridge, doing their best to prevent suicides. One member of this group was quoted as saying something like \"I was surprised to learn that suicidal people aren't just crazy people, but real people who are suffering.\" \n\nSeriously? There are people to whom suicidal thoughts are so completely foreign that they are surprised to learn we're \"not just crazy people\"? How is it possible to go through life without ever feeling that despair?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "18xqd1", "comment_id": "c8iy7oq"}, {"question": "Would this be acceptable?", "description": "I frequently visit a supermarket and the girl behind the register and me have small talk all day long. She told me she has a resit for a history exam which she struggles with. Now I have been giving tutoring in English (speaking) and History for about two years now. \n\nWould it be okay if I offered to tutor her and give her my phone number? If so, how could I best offer it? \n\nI'm afraid it will come over as flirting, which isn't my intention.", "answer": "I think it's totally acceptable to mention to her that you are a tutor.  Give her your information and tell her to contact you if you want any help.  Do you tutor as a job for money?  If so, you should get some sort of business cards.  \n\n\nIf your true intent is to help her and isn't romantic, then just be all business about it.  If your intent is romantic, I'd say forget the whole tutoring thing and just ask her out on a date (ie.  Well when you're all done how about we meet up to go do ______________ to celebrate?)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "emv2pu", "comment_id": "fdrjkkz"}, {"question": "Lexapro/SSRI withdrawal question", "description": "Hey everyone! I recently stopped taking Lexapro after taking it for about 3.5-4 months. Before that, I was taking Prozac for about 6 months. \nBefore this period of antidepressants, I was on a cocktail of daily klonopin, celexa, and a few others...\n\nMy point is, I have been through the withdrawal process a few times, and unfortunately am aware of all the withdrawal affects of the drugs.\n\nMost recently, when I stopped taking the Lexapro, I experienced new symptoms and was just wondering if anyone has some insight or anyone has experience similar issues. The main issue is I am about 2 or 3 days late for my period. I couldn't find much information browsing around, but is this a common symptom associated with withdrawal? I have also been experiencing some GI issues (upset stomach, etc...)\n\nNothing else in my life (diet or exercise habits, stress, etc) has changed except for stopping Lexapro and all SSRIs/antidepressants, so I guess I was just wondering if these were common symptoms?\n\nThank you all!", "answer": "Never heard of that one before though it's not impossible.  Maybe try taking a pregnancy test just to be sure?  Well.... 2-3 days not the craziest, but definitely if a few more days go by.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6xjdiq", "comment_id": "dmghqdu"}, {"question": "Are Himilayan Ashwagandha Pills Bullshit?", "description": "Last year I dealt with Testicular Cancer. Had my right nut removed. Things were fine. Well, recently they might have found some cancer cells in my lower abdomen and I may have to start chemotherapy. So, I'm worried.\n\nMy mother got me these Herbal pills called \"Himilayan Ashwagandha\". She said it helps with cancer and that she takes them for other reasons. She wouldn't. give me a reason she took them. I love her but she sometimes is suspectible to bullshit. Whereas, I am not.\n\nAre these pills at all valid? Or are they just glorified placebos?\n\n​\n\n28M  \n260 LBS", "answer": "[https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/integrative-medicine/herbs/ashwagandha](https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/integrative-medicine/herbs/ashwagandha)\n\nIt does not help with cancer. It does not clearly help with anything. The trouble with supplements is that regulation is so poor that they are regularly either contaminated with toxins, fail to contain the purported ingredient, or both.\n\nI would recommend against it, but it's probably not going to cause harm. Let your doctors know if you do take it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gy3ch9", "comment_id": "ft8kbn6"}, {"question": "Does anyone else want to be around people and not interact with them or have them acknowledge your existence in any way?", "description": "I feel uneasy when alone. And I notice that having others around when I'm fully engaged in my own world (music, laptop, etc) is the best I've ever felt. Like a mutual unacknowledgment. So I'm talking small coffee shops with people in pairs engaged in each other talking low on a slow day, etc. I don't want people to look at me, be too loud, or talk to me or acknowledge me an any way. I just want them there while I enjoy my own world.", "answer": "Lol yes that is my preferred state of existence. A fly on the wall, but also doing my own thing", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c3hl0l", "comment_id": "err65x7"}, {"question": "I hallucinated last night, help. I don't know what I should do now.", "description": "Okay, so last night, I was using my smartphone to watch scary videos till 12am. Then I've decided that it is enough for today, I need to go to sleep. However, since I was unable to sleep, I begin hallucinating a smartphone in my hands and with earphones connect to my ears. It felt very real and I hallucinate watching a scary video and getting \"paralysed\" by it. My brain feels weird, as if it is dreaming but I soon realised my eyes are actually open, it is not a dream when my roommate got up and went to the toilet. \n\nThis is the third time that such similar incidents happened, which I think it is caused by sleep deprivation. I've never hallucinated during the day before, it's always after midnight.\n\nIs there anything wrong with me?", "answer": "The other two answers are probably right. I'd add sleep paralysis. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25cgu1", "comment_id": "chfv3ko"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Pregnancy is extremely unlikely in this situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5132oy", "comment_id": "d7939rf"}, {"question": "Cystic Fibrosis with a 10 day old baby. Not 100% confirmed, Many questions, PLEASE HELP!", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Not my area of expertise, and these are questions you should ask the doctors involved. Generally, I would expect them to be cautious if medications are harmful to a baby without CF and they're not certain, but there's nothing that immediately jumps out as dangerous in pancrelipase (Creon), salt, or vitamins.\n\nThe sweat test isn't a test of her body's salt; that would require a blood test. Instead, it test's her body's ability to reabsorb salt from sweat, which is abnormal in CF, producing saltier than normal sweat. (With or without CF, sweat isn't part of normal salt regulation; that's the kidneys' job.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9uvjnk", "comment_id": "e97duum"}, {"question": "First Post", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Good luck. I was just thinking about the genetics piece. I think i probably inherited a disposition to anxiety snd/or managing stress etc poorly...and alchohol became the solution, as it probably did for relatives too. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8q0ax9", "comment_id": "e0g8awx"}, {"question": "college student struggling with drinking", "description": "Hi guys, I could really use some advice and tips because I just am so sick of struggling with my inner demons. I go to a college where the binge drinking culture is very bad and a solid chunk of my friends are alcoholics, but don\u2019t admit it. But I have to admit I\u2019m an alcoholic. I\u2019m a 21 year old girl and I just don\u2019t want to let alcohol control my life even more than it does. I go out 4 times a week, I\u2019ve drank\u2014 even in the day\u2014to get the courage to talk to people. I\u2019ve drank alone. I can only have \u201c1 drink\u201d in public but I secretly wish I could have more. I know it\u2019s inhibiting the best person I can be but every time I try to stop I get dragged back in. It also sucks because I struggle with depression and my meds make me feel numb and emotionless and I try to combat that with alcohol a lot, which is bad. How do you guys deal with cravings and does it get better? Do you guys have any certain phrases you say to your mind to help (for ex: \u201cthis craving will pass in a minute, don\u2019t give in). are there any other college students on this subreddit? If so, how did you maintain sobriety in a drinking culture environment? I\u2019m just so lost and this is the first time I\u2019ve posted on reddit. I see how great this community is and I could really use your kind words. ", "answer": "Hi. For a stary how fantastic that you recognise this so early in youre life... v mature ! Some of my difficulties started in college ...if i were to go back i would get a job or two, volunteer, commit to hobbies which dont involve drinking, and travel . For me the environment centered around drinking so much, so changing that would have been v. helpful. In terms of how i cope with cravings i think i have a shorthand re why I'm not drinking e.g. family, health, energy and quality of life in general. Good luck and ENJOY college \ud83d\ude03", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8gtha5", "comment_id": "dyeij7a"}, {"question": "Is the creatinine levels in my urine normal?", "description": "I went through a urine drug test a while ago which came back negative today. In the test they also tested the creatinine level of my urine which after a bit of googling made me a little bit worried.\n\nMy level was 1,82 mg/ml which seems high to me! I\u2019m a 23y/o male who don\u2019t exercise a lot, with a reasonably balanced diet and I weigh around 83 kg. I feel completely fine, no symptoms of anything out of the ordinary\n\nIs this something to worry about? Thank you in advance \ud83d\ude42\n", "answer": "It's hard to interpret a spot urine creatinine with no volume. Excretion of waste, including creatinine, is a primary kidney function. You should excrete a lot of creatinine. In healthy kidneys the amount excreted depends on the amount present (which itself depends mostly on muscle mass) and how much urine you produce; if you drink a lot of fluid and produce lots of urine, it will be more dilute, and if you drink little fluid on a hot day you'll produce very concentrated urine, but overall the same amount of total creatinine excreted.\n\nThe purpose of the urine creatinine test here is almost certainly to make sure your urine is concentrated enough to be a real sample, not doctored or diluted. It's not of much use diagnostically by itself, and there's no reason to test it otherwise unless you have some other labs that were concerning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zdkwd", "comment_id": "e2hwo9l"}, {"question": "Does it get better?", "description": "Failure after failure, pretty much my life. I have begun to really dislike adult life and adult responsibilities, it's all boogus, i'd rather be a small little child than this, and the worst thing is that there is no rest from it, it never ends, until you die that is. (Which is a really long time judging by statistics.)\n\n[\nFuckin' thing sucks!](https://youtu.be/VYrFnW8jpWA)\n\nSoooooo, does it get better?", "answer": "You are asking a very Existential question...will life ever get better or will it be just an endless series of tasks and achievements. I can say that I sometimes feel the way you currently do. Can you recall the last time you felt like things were going your way?  What was different at that point?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60xhs8", "comment_id": "dfa5mly"}, {"question": "FOR THE INATTENTIVE, etc : I am learning about DMN (Default Mode Network), TPN (Task-Positive Network) and how it affects not only ADHD, but other neurological conditions too.", "description": "  I advise everyone to do your own research (please vet your sources. don't listen to the hippy-dippy woo-woo stuff or anything that says 'cure').\n\nThere may be some evidence that mindfulness practices / mindfulness meditation slows down the activity in the DMN (people call it demon for a reason) and allows the TPN to take over. In laymen terms, the DMN is the part of the brain that when idle will make us spiral into the dark fall out cloud of nuclear self-hatred.  TPN is basically what allows you to get stuff done.\n\nStudies are showing that mindfulness practices take the 'you' out of the equation so-to-speak and lessen the activity in the DMN, which in turn quells the self-hatred spiral fun house clown ride.\n\nScientists are using fMRI imaging to map this out in real time so it looks like there is some science at least behind this. People who regularly meditate have a lower overall activation of the DMN in every day life.\n\nAgain, do your own research, but meditation and mindfulness practices have been used around the world for thousands of years. It's not nothing that's for sure.\n\nI posted in another thread here that I have a simple 5 minute 'mindfulness bell' sound I listen to right when I wake up and before I even get out of bed. It's a simple sound from 'gong' to silence that repeats. Very easy to be mindful of. When I work, I listen to something medium tempo and simplistic like deadmau5 radio. For me, those 2 things seem to perfectly put me in the place I'm looking to be in. \n\nYou have to find your own 'frequency', if you will. Good luck!\n\nIf I've spoken out of turn, someone please correct me. I'm still learning about it all.\n\nYour thoughts?\n\nVideo search results for ease:\n\n [https://www.google.com/search?q=DMN+and+TPN&rlz=1C1CAFB\\_enUS849US849&sxsrf=ACYBGNQU7BiWW1p9LR5l1DYEy0t4gl20hw:1580326938132&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGzprOyKnnAhUgg3IEHQ-HB2YQ\\_AUoBHoECGIQBg&biw=1355&bih=923](https://www.google.com/search?q=DMN+and+TPN&rlz=1C1CAFB_enUS849US849&sxsrf=ACYBGNQU7BiWW1p9LR5l1DYEy0t4gl20hw:1580326938132&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGzprOyKnnAhUgg3IEHQ-HB2YQ_AUoBHoECGIQBg&biw=1355&bih=923)", "answer": ">self-hatred spiral fun house clown ride\n\nSuch an amazing description.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "evs31q", "comment_id": "ffz74c0"}, {"question": "Just got back from therapy appointment.", "description": "For some reason I feel more down than what I was before.\n\nWith my first appointment I was really happy and cheerful. \n\nJust want to curl up into a ball right now. ", "answer": "That's normal. Therapy is a process, and you may at times feel a bit worse (especially when digging up past stuff) before you feel better. The important part is to remember to ride out those dips because you are working toward a goal: a happier you ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tlyhr", "comment_id": "c4o8s88"}, {"question": "My(30M) wife (28f) gets really mad at me and stops talking to me for 6-8 hours over seemingly small things, are there any wise responses or coping methods for her anger outbursts or ignoring me?", "description": "We've been together 2 years some change, and moved in together a year ago and also have a six month old son. She gets really mad at me over the smallest things and decides to ignore me for the rest of the day.\n\nThese things really are truly minor, they could be anything from not using shampoo in my hair when I shower to wanting to leave some place I'm uncomfortable in. The result is on the spot she gets really mad at me and will start getting surly and accusatory and a couple minutes later she'll ignore me for the rest of the day. When she get's mad initially I maintain my calm and I don't lash back and continue acting rationally and speaking kindly but then as a result she gets mad and ignores me. Any attempt to talking to her during this silent period results in her getting more angry.\n\nI'm not sure how to really deal with it since it really hurts me. It hurts my feelings, it hurts my ego, it hurts my perception of her. Why can someone get **so** mad at me for things so insignificant? \nHow do I personally deal with her little outbursts of rage and silent treatment? Lately I've just been giving her a longer period of silent treatment but it's not really effective but I can't just roll over and let her mistreat me over the very minor things she chooses to be upset over.", "answer": "marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71r05h", "comment_id": "dncreiu"}, {"question": "my meds wore off", "description": "EVERYTIME i come down off of this fucking adderal i feel like a useless piece of shit and i realize all that self-esteem came from my dumbass medication  BLEEPBLoooPBlahHH GAH FUCK my adhd is so bad i feel lethargic after this bullshit wares off, my mind is so cluttered lord help me, time to go on earthporn for 5 minutes until i forget why i am there and then watch 3 tv shows at once while doing homework and reading. shit.", "answer": "So I used to have bad symptoms when it wore off (headache, depressed, aggressive/temper, just feel like shit). I don't find the come down with vyvanse to be that way at all. Instead, all of a sudden it just... wears off. Just a thought! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6zq6xc", "comment_id": "dmxf1lm"}, {"question": "Getting back together.", "description": "For those who got back together how did it work what happened?", "answer": "i dumped her after a month. i wrote to her 10 yrs later. she moved in 4 months later. we got married 3 months later. that was 38 yrs ago.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v19wd", "comment_id": "ddyi8eh"}, {"question": "I need a sick day", "description": "I need a sick day from work and want to get a doctor's note.I'm trying to get new year's off and want to get the note Friday and It go through saturday. Normally I would never do this but I'm leaving the job within a month after 3 years of service and have been treated horribly the entire time. I obviously want to leave on good terms though hence the doctor's note. I was thinking about going for mental health but am not sure what to say. My grandmother recently had a heart-attack and i was thinking I could possibly use that but am not sure how to word it. thank you! also apoligies if I'm not supposed to post this here.", "answer": "You're damn right that it shouldn't be posted here. Do you expect healthcare professionals to help you to get days off rather than help people with genuine illness?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ke1mj", "comment_id": "dbn87s4"}, {"question": "Both hands have been numb for 5 hours", "description": "Age 23F\n\nSex F\n\nHeight 5'10\"\n\nWeight 120lbs\n\nRace White\n\nDuration of complaint 6 hours\n\nLocation usa\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues no\n\nCurrent medications birth control\n\n\nBackground: I usually don't have a period because I take birth control. I ran out and wast able to take my pill for two days and so I started bleeding yesterday with some normal cramping. I got my pill and took it yesterday like normal. I'm 23, 5'10\", 120lbs.\n\nLast night I was woken up around 3am by extreme cramps that have been making me bend over in pain and cry and almost throw up and I'm still experiencing them now at 9am. However at around 4am both of my hands and arms started to feel numb and now my hands are still numb 5 hours later. As far as the cramps go I think I have endometriosis but I've never been tested for it. Can an ultrasound do that? With the hands part, I've never had this happen before and I'm wondering if I should go to a walk in clinic?", "answer": "Are the hands cold? Are the entire hands numb? Tingling?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j66gwp", "comment_id": "g7wmx6m"}, {"question": "How to be more motivated & better at decision making", "description": "Recent college grad of a top public university with $75k tech job in a suburb area -- so my income is a little above average but a lot less than what my CS (computer science) peers make. \n\nIf you ask me 3 years ago what words describe me, I would say \"hardworking, resilient, bubbly, creative\". However, multiple things in college & built-up from difficult childhood made me no longer that way. Some reasons are:\n\n* Grew up with an immigrant single mother who works minimum wage to feed a family of 4. Instead of hanging out with friends or interning during breaks in high school, I worked at a restaurant in place of my mother because she's often sick. Being the eldest child, I had to learn everything myself. Even though my mother always said just get an average job and find a good husband, I'm subconsciously brainwashed to believe I need money to be happy. \n* Worked really hard first 2 years of college to apply to my dream program but got waitlisted. Was still optimistic so worked extra hard to impress the waitlist committee. Ended up being rejected ---- So I spent almost 3 years in college fighting for a degree program that ended in nothing. \n* Most of my friends (including and excluding ones who applied to the same program) switched to CS for the money, so I followed them. Although I took intro CS class earlier in my college career, due to above \"dream program\" GPA requirements, I waited till the end of my junior year to finish the majority CS courses. I had to take CS courses with its prerequisites. Always concerned about a GPA requirement & having to cram CS major down in <2 years made me form a habit of just cramming for the grades but not actually learning. I thought about quitting CS and but my boyfriend (who also switched majors and pursued CS and ended up with almost 2x more salary) said as long as I graduate with CS degree, I'll be able to get a well-paying job ---- this did not happen; I also didn't learn how to learn in college because all I did was cram for exam. \n* Joined clubs with heavy commitments that didn't end up helping my job search, but instead, I had to sacrifice my health to still keep my grades up with the limited study time. \n* Boyfriend whos best friend to me started thinking I'm useless. He went into the dark tunnel of thinking money and prestige is the only way. He is now suffering from depression but still working at a high paying job. Because of his negative attitudes towards everything, he started indirectly telling mutual friends bad things about me (that may not be as bad as he think). Despite all these, he is still the only person who tries to go out of his way to help me. So whenever he becomes moody and start viewing me negatively, I become sadder. \n* Studied SO HARD to graduate: went to every office hours, stopped talking to friends, sacrificed food time, slept after 3am everyday, broke my immune system (was sick every 2 months of the last year of college). ----- Everything fell apart but still ended up with just similar salary as friends who are less smart and less hardworking.\n* It's very common for CS majors to reference online materials for assignments (people do this at work all the time). But because of one incident, I almost did not graduate and ended up having to get a grade deduction. I'm glad the professor \"gave me another chance\" ---- but I worked SO hard but still ended up with BARELY a passing grade, so I feel like my whole efforts are wasted. \n\nThere are also other reasons but I don't want to make this any longer. \n\n----------------\n\nI don't know when I started to feel these ways:\n\n1. My effort never leads to good results\n2. Everyone thinks I'm useless and will never be successful\n3. Cannot make decisions because I think my decision and effort will lead to another failure \n4. Not motivated to do anything because don't know what won't end in failure\n5. Always conflicted b/w wanting more money to buy more things & wanting to be happy. Don't know how to find that balance. \n6. Most of the time I just feel empty and aimless. Feeling empty at work, feeling empty while walking (except when I'm watching TV shows to forget about reality)\n\nHow do I resolve the above points?\n\nAny suggestion would help. Will elaborate if needed. Thank you so much", "answer": "It sounds like a lot of different issues have snowballed and blended into a tangled mess of generally feeling unhappy. From what you\u2019ve said, you didn\u2019t get to spend a lot of time as a child/adolescent getting to know who you are. You have always been working and taking on very grown up roles. I\u2019m also hearing a lot of internalized pressure. It sounds as though you believe every time you make it over the *next* hurdle you will find happiness. It doesn\u2019t sound like you have a balanced life. Think of your life like slices of a pie, with equal amounts of energy going to each slice. You need slices for work, friendship, love, spirituality, hobbies. Spend some time getting to know who you are outside of work and academics. Figure out what is fun to you. Start talking back to these negative voices in your head. This is where therapy can truly help. It may also help in addressing some of the childhood experiences that are likely the root of those negative messages. Do better with self-care, including adding some pleasure in your life. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bxpx5y", "comment_id": "eq8zjq4"}, {"question": "Ritalin and Adderall associated with worse performance in school", "description": "http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2014-07-03/ritalin-may-be-sabotaging-your-kids\n\nOne might have anticipated that easier access to medication would lead to improved health and, ideally, better educational performance. Instead, we found evidence that the children using stimulants fared slightly worse. After the insurance expansion, the Quebec children experienced more depression and anxiety -- problems that could be side effects of stimulant medication. Meanwhile, there was little evidence of any benefits for the children's schooling. On the contrary, we found their chances of progressing through school without repeating a grade to be somewhat lower than they had been before the insurance expansion and lower than those of children in the rest of Canada. Their probability of high school graduation likewise declined a bit.\n\nAfter the insurance policy change, more boys than girls started using stimulants, including many whose initial ADHD symptoms were minimal. Among girls, increased stimulant use was more concentrated among those with high initial levels of ADHD symptoms. Even so, the added stimulant use among girls was associated with more symptoms of anxiety and depression, falling math scores, and a decline in the probability they would go on to get a post-secondary education.", "answer": "A good thing to keep in mind is that, in children, there are many issues that, to a poorly trained or non-thorough practitioner, can disguise themselves as ADHD. These include: depression, anxiety, OCD, early onset Bipolar disorder, sleep deprivation, problems at home, bullying, conduct disorder, and hyperthyroidism to name a few. \n\nGiven that many parents are more comfortable taking their child to a GP or pediatrician rather than a psychiatrist or psychologist (where these possible other issues could be explored) the child is more likely to be slapped with an ADHD diagnosis and given said medication than had they seen a mental health practitioner. Secondly, now-a-days (at least in America) physicians are overworked and often do not have the time or energy to sit down for a true differential diagnosis process. \n\nI would imagine (and is probably just speculative and anecdotal) that this can lead to stimulant prescriptions to non-ADHD children.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2a2txg", "comment_id": "cir5e3a"}, {"question": "My and my girlfriend have a technicality about sex. Can someone please give me advice", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nIve [17/m] been adting my girlfriend [17/f] for nearly two years now. However recently we've gone through a rough patch because of some differnt views on sex.\n\nAs someone who never wanted to have sex at an early age, ive always imagined myself having sex when im in my 20's. But my gf has always wanted to do it early. \n\nLately she has brought it up and that she feels the need to do it. She wants to have sex and its to the point where she doesnt care with who. Obviously i wasnt too happy with this so we had a massive argument. \n\nWe are good right now, but i dont know what to do. She means alot to me and ive considered maybe trying to ease up on the age i want to do it and maybe do it next year. \n\ntl;dr my girfriend and i have some opposing views on when to have sex. i am not ready but she is. this is really hurting us, what should i do?\n\n", "answer": "everyone's different. hopefully she'll be patient.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ph1nv", "comment_id": "dcr48t8"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. In sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. I suppose I should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the ONLY type of response. This is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" It's very unfortunate, ESP when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckfb8pj"}, {"question": "Very sensitive to death scenes in movies", "description": "No idea if I should be posting this here or what so please let me know if I should delete and post somehwere else.\n\nAs i've gotten older (34M), i've become more and more sensitive to death in tv and movies. Especially violent ones. I become super empathetic and find myself horrified with the experience, often in tears.\n\nI've never served in the army, I have a pretty boring life. I have developed a fear of having a violent death. Not sure where to go with this. Looking for advice. ", "answer": "Nothing wrong with that. Might want to change your viewing habits. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fns1w", "comment_id": "dijkspi"}, {"question": "Advice please: Weighted Blankets", "description": "So I'm getting a weighted blanket for my birthday to help with my ptsd, my psych has highly recommended them and wanted some advice before I bought one. Has anyone used them before? \nHas anyone used the chain version?\nAnd lastly, are the ones on Amazon good? The Australian made ones are about 3 times the price as those on Amazon.", "answer": "I LOVE mine. It feels like a hug. I seem to sleep better, it definitely calms me and makes me feel safer. I just got a cheap one on amazon (buzio brand) and it has been great. I got one a little over 10% of my body weight.\n\neta: the one I have is just filled with little tiny beads. I don't know anything about the chain versions. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "a1m4mc", "comment_id": "earasgm"}, {"question": "Back again", "description": "Hi friends,\n\nI am afraid that I'm here fulfilling my role as a clich\u00e9d cautionary tale. \n\nI made it over three years without drinking.\n\nUntil about two years ago.\n\nI got away from meetings because of my struggles with faith and my general cockiness, I guess. I started dating someone who liked to smoke weed, and I slowly started partaking from time-to-time. I went to a bachelorette party summer of 2017, and while I was waiting for a several-hours-delayed flights, I joined my friends in the free wine we were offered. It has been steadily going downhill from there. \n\nAs everyone told me would happen, things started \"okay\" and eventually I ended up right where I started when I first sniffed around recovery. My bottom wasn't as bad this time, but the experience and struggles are the same. \n\nI drank all my money. I drank away some of my most important relationships. I don't remember anything that happens to me. I'm a shell. I've blacked out almost every day in 2019. I'm hungover every day. I eat eight times a week, maybe, but I'm still overweight because of all of the calories I take in by beer. I'm have no idea how I feel. I'm behind on every project I've taken on. I've squandered opportunities for the last three years that sober me set up for herself. \n\nI don't have anything of meaning to say, but I have decided I'll go to a meeting tonight and try it out. I'm in a new city now, and apprehensive about what it'll be like, but I figure I'll start out there and commit my intention to not drink today. \n\nThank you for being here and for offering a place that I could come back to.", "answer": "Welcome back. Your story is very similar to mine. Been struggling to get some sober time after relapsing about 2 1/2 years ago. I have a little more than 6 months now, and starting to have more better days then not at this point. It\u2019s tough because I constantly want to feel as good as I did when I had my time. I keep reminding myself to be patient and the old saying \u201cdon\u2019t quit before the miracle happens.\u201d Not sure if it will be a miracle, but I have faith that if I stay sober and keep it up, it will get better.  Just wanted to give you my experience with it so far. If we hand in there and keep doing the right thing and have some patience, things will get better. Wishing you the best. I feel your pain and know how difficult it is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d0km9h", "comment_id": "ezahm1y"}, {"question": "I [21F] feel insecure around my [21M] boyfriend and I want to work on this.", "description": "I've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now.  He's everything I could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship.  \n\nHowever, I can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me.  I feel incredibly insecure about the way I look, my personality (ex. do I come off as clingy? I always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (I know I'm not dumb, but I can't help but feel that way).  I hate that I'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.\n\nI love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but I'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me.  I don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so I need to figure out how to fix this on my own.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "dgzf7n7"}, {"question": "Can't trust myself", "description": "So I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. I suffer with mental illness, in the past I used drugs to cope but I have recently went to rehab and solved that problem. But in my mind I'm always feeling something that I don't let everybody else see. I feel so fake like I want everyone to know the truth about me. But now I also have this belief that everyone is fake, and now I'm not able to trust anymore because I can't trust myself. I love my girlfriend but I feel as though I'm not enough because my mental illness puts some restrictions on my life. Should I take some time to work on myself or stay with the girl of my dreams and try to get better?", "answer": "I assume you have a therapist and take meds. Be open and honest. If the relationship is strong, you'll work through it together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tg4j", "comment_id": "dn5ucrz"}, {"question": "I (19F) can't work out what my boyfriend (19M) really wants from our relationship", "description": "Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 2 years, but we were friends for 5 years prior to this. He's the type of guy I can actually see myself marrying. All through our relationship every now and then he has times where he freaks out about our relationship and worries we're \"holding each other back\".\n\nI keep trying to help him that I'd never stop him doing anything he wanted to do and I've never shown I would either, but I don't think it helps that I get worried about him with other girls. We're both moving to university together in September, and depending on results is more than likely to be the same one, yet he stills thinks we won't last. I've put my all into this relationship and I really do love him, but his uncertainty is starting to make me feel insecure. We're really happy about 80% of the time, but when we're not together the freak outs he has really get to me and really effect my mood.\n\nI guess what I'm trying to ask is if anyone else has been through this type of things and how you got over it, or if anyone has any advice on whether I should try and make things work or end it whilst I'm young enough to get over it?", "answer": "ask him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rbq0p", "comment_id": "dl3vfd3"}, {"question": "I need to see a psychologist and can't see any locally. Has anyone looked into the credibility of getting help online?", "description": "Long story short, I need to find out why I'm unhappy most of the time.  I'm on meds from my PCP, but my BS in Psych tells me I should talk to someone to figure out if there is a non-biochemical reason for my issues. I'm high functioning and not suicidal. \n\nDoes anyone know of any legit online places I can talk to a real professional?", "answer": "Might consider seeing a counselor (a LPC or LMHC depending on your state). While they don't have quite as much education as psychologists (6 years vs. 8-9 years), but they still are competent therapists and can be helpful.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1gvum0", "comment_id": "caobfwk"}, {"question": "Can masturbation during puberty stunt penis growth?", "description": "Age: 21. Sex: Male. Height: 5\"8. Weight: 120. Location: United States.", "answer": "To add to the chorus with an official medical opinion: no, masturbation has no known negative effects on penis size or anything else.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd7ch", "comment_id": "eeumxpe"}, {"question": "Has anyone else done anything this weird/creepy as a kid? 26yo me looking back at 12yo me and cringing at this so bad", "description": "So, back when I was in Year 6 at school, around 11/12 years old, I was pretty popular in my year group, and had never been bullied or anything. \n\nThere was a girl in my year at school who was my \u2018girlfriend\u2019 at the time - the kind of girlfriend only a 12 year old has, where you would send a letter with tick yes/no for if you want to be with me, and she\u2019d send her friend Jane two weeks later to say she\u2019d dumped you and in time you\u2019d send your mate Billy to give another note to the next girl. \n\nAnyways, I liked her a lot at the time, and my friends joked around with me because she had a twin sister, so it was the usual, \u201cyou must fancy her sister then\u201d kind of remarks I\u2019d get. \n\nOne day, she was upset and I remember asking someone why she was crying. They said she\u2019d had a nasty note put in her classroom box (like a plastic sliding drawer to put your books in with your name on the front). The note was saying something like \u201cyou\u2019re the ugly twin\u201d and she obviously took it to heart and there was a big drama about it all. \n\nI assured her the note was wrong, and saw myself as a bit of a hero when I got a kiss from her. Soon after, I found a note in my own class box, though I can\u2019t remember exactly what it said, something along the lines of my being a douchebag. \n\nIt must have been juicy whatever it was on the note, because I remember everyone around me saying how vile whoever was writing these notes were, and I had my friends all supporting me through it. \n\nSo this is where it gets so weird. \n\nI don\u2019t know how it started, or why, but from here on, I started writing horrible notes myself. I addressed them to myself, wrote nasty things about myself and put them in my own classroom box to be \u2018found\u2019. \n\nI\u2019d then acting really fucking annoyed and upset when I did \u2018find\u2019 them, showing my friends and leading long discussions about who it could be and what I\u2019d done to deserve it. \n\nI\u2019d gather all my mates and go around asking people if they had a problem with me, gaining \u2018allies\u2019 and ruling some of my peers out of the whodunnit equation. \n\nIt must have went a bit far because before long, my teacher was involved. I showed him one or two notes that had been put in my box - by myself obviously - and he first spoke to the class asking for it all to be stopped, and when it didn\u2019t, progressed to hauling the entire year group in for an assembly to lecture everyone on bullying and bringing up the bullying notes. \n\nThe notes continued to appear in my box (because creepy 12 year old me was writing them) and I would give myself abuse and call myself names like \u2018gay\u2019, I\u2019d comment on my appearance, saying whatever other vile non-original things I thought up that I heard other kids say. \n\nI wrote things like \u2018you fingered Eliza and I\u2019m going to tell your mum\u201d. I even wrote a fake note to myself and signed it from my girlfriend, breaking up with me. \n\nShe was obviously angry at the mystery note writer and assured me she wanted to stay together. \n\nIt\u2019s all so fucked up. I can\u2019t remember what else I wrote, and genuinely have no idea why I would write all that to myself but I thought it was all so entertaining at the time, I must have loved the attention it was getting from all my peers and my teachers. \n\nI was progressing to writing notes abusing myself and addressing them to my friends instead of just to me, thinking I was clouding the evidence away from myself. \n\nNot that I really thought I\u2019d be caught out. \n\nSo it would then be a friend for example, would come to me and say he\u2019d found a note saying, \u201cyour mate *me* is a fucking idiot, he\u2019s going to get kicked in after school\u201d, and I\u2019d have disguised my handwriting by writing in big loopy letters, or capitals or something. \n\nI was being ultra sneaky about it all, waiting for people to turn their back so I could write another hideous comment. \n\nThe whole thing came to a head when my teacher said he was going to speak to the headmaster halfway through a lesson, so we could all carry on with what we were doing. \n\nIn the time he was gone, another note had magically appeared in my box. Unbeknownst to me, 12 year old genius that I thought I was, my teacher must have suspected there was something not right about the whole thing after it had been going on for a couple of weeks without it slowing down.\n\n He had probably been using a programme of elimination; who was in the class at the time etc. So, my teacher comes back from speaking with the Head ten minutes later and I hand him this note, shaking with temper as I was (not), all outraged that anybody had the fucking cheek to try and bully me.\n\nHe looks at this note, then back at me, then crumples it up and bins it, looking me dead in the eye the entire time. \n\nHe then said to me quietly, \u201ccan you stay behind at break so we can talk about this?\u201d And I\u2019m all like, \u201cyeah Mr M, I\u2019m not having this crap go on any longer - I\u2019m going to end up getting my mum in to the school.\u201d \n\nHail the end of class, bell goes, everybody leaves, and he sits me down and asks me, \u201clisten, have you got something you want to tell me?\u201d And I\u2019m looking at him with my heart in my mouth, stubbornly acting all innocent replying, \u201cNo sir, I just want to know who\u2019s sending me all this crap.\u201d \n\nHe gets up and walks over to my box and pulls out one of my school workbooks, the type with the cardboard cover with your name and class wrote on the front, and the lined pages inside. \n\nHe opens it up, and shows me inside, where all the ripped edges from the torn out pages are. He just said quietly \u201cI think we both know where the notes are coming from, Mikey, because you\u2019ve been writing them.\u201d \n\nI\u2019m shaking at this point, and start to cry, literally in shock that I\u2019ve been caught out and wondering how the fuck it got to this point, imagining my life was over. \n\nMy teacher then went to his desk and got all the notes I\u2019d conveniently handed him to investigate, probably around 20 of them, all with abuse wrote on them, and he fit them one by one to my book where they obviously fit like a glove, my crimes laid bare for all to see. \n\nI cried my eyes out and refused to admit it to him. I was clutching at straws, and said through the lump in my throat, \u201cI bet it was YOU sir, you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about!\u201d \n\nHe just shook his head and said, \u201cNo, Mikey, you done this, and it\u2019s sick. I don\u2019t know *why* you\u2019ve done all this, but I think this is all finished with, I don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything left to be said for now.\u201d \n\nI just ran out at this point and went home sick. I was scared shitless that my class would find out what I had done. I was terrified, and never told my mum a single thing about any of it, she\u2019d have been disgusted with me.\n\nWhen I went back to school the next day, I kept my head down and Mr M never bothered me at all. He carried on as normal and I gratefully followed his lead.\n\nHe\u2019d left it all unsaid, and I don\u2019t know if he ever did tell any of the other teachers, though I\u2019d assume now he probably pissed his pants laughing about me.\n\nNobody in my class ever did find out luckily, the mysterious note-writer disappeared and was forgotten by everybody but me and I avoided that teacher like the plague for the next two and a half years. \n\nNobody could ever understand why I would say \u201cI hated Mr M,\u201d because he was actually a really good guy. Looking back now, it was obviously out of complete humiliation that I despised him so much, all he done was uncover my weird lie. \n\nIt\u2019s all ridiculous, but it still makes me die inside when I remember it all, it\u2019s such a weird thing for a kid to do, I technically bullied myself.\n\n\nI know this is random AF, but it just makes me cringe inside like nothing else, and nobody knows this story except me and that teacher. I bumped into him recently, and it\u2019s been about 13 years since I left middle school. \n\nHe recognised me and asked me how I was and what I was doing with myself. It was in my mind the whole time we were talking and I knew he would be thinking the same as me; \u2018what a fucking weirdo he was in school!\u201d\n", "answer": "People accuse kids of \"doing it for attention\" as if that were some horrible crime, and I don't see why. \"Attention\" isn't just attention: It is support, care, interest, being seen, having a role - all of which are completely normal things to want and need. I don't know why 12-year-old you went this route, but I think you should give yourself some slack. You were just a kid. Even if you thought it was a hilarious joke at the time, you were just a kid.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97bf76", "comment_id": "e472mve"}, {"question": "update on my mom after her suicide attempt", "description": "i don\u2019t remember how much i included in my last post so i\u2019ll summarize it here: my mom has been dealing with financial issues and a toxic relationship, as well as some other chaotic family problems. so those things piled up and it got to her. she ended up drinking a lot of liquor and tried to hang herself in the garage, thankfully she did a bad job at it so it\u2019s looking like she will make a decent recovery. so after she was taken to the hospital they got her stabilized and we were able to go in and see her. she was really ridged and breathing heavily, but they gave her meds to calm her down and put her to sleep. i got news at 10 AM that she had opened her eyes and was trying to move around to take off the stuff that hooks her up to the machine. this is really good news because it means she\u2019s no longer in a coma and she also has use of (at least most) of her motor functions. she has not talked yet i don\u2019t think, but i won\u2019t be visiting her at the hospital for at least a few days because i need time to deal with everything that has happened. i hope that within the next few weeks/months she can start to recover, and hopefully get sober and into therapy so she can get the help she truly needs. suicide isn\u2019t a joke, guys. if someone you know is depressed PLEASE keep an eye on them and reach out to them, because none of us saw this coming. we knew she was depressed and drinking too much but we never expected this. keep my mom in your thoughts pls. things are looking good though recovery wise for her body. ", "answer": "sending my best wishes", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "8nkv1l", "comment_id": "dzwrymj"}, {"question": "I hate being treated like a criminal just to go get my incredibly necessary meds", "description": "Hi fellow brokebrains,\n\nI'm on a dose of 2x Adderall 20mg XR per day with a 5mg Adderall IR as needed and every time I have to renew my prescription I have to go to the doctor, physically bring the prescription paper to the pharmacy, hope that it's within the 3 day buffer period for allowing me to refill a schedule II controlled substance, hope that the pharmacy doesn't have someone new working that's unfamiliar with my prescriptions and decide I'm a drug dealer selling it on the street (I've encountered that twice in five years), wait for the government regulation checks to clear, wait for the insurance checks to clear, AND THEN I get my monthly prescription after a $30 payment.\n\nJust to feel normal. I'm so tired", "answer": "I just got switched to an E script for 60 days. Hopefully I can eventually get to 90 days.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "eo80eo", "comment_id": "fe9zd76"}, {"question": "It's Just Not Working", "description": "I found an AA meeting close to the house next Tuesday. I obviously am not going to be able to do this on my own or with just the help of this Subreddit (It's not you, it's me!). I've been pretty resistant to AA but at this point I think it's time to start looking at different options. \n\nI think it's time to start looking at the very real possibility that maybe I'm resistant to AA - not because they're all religious and stuff -  but because it will actually inspire a real change and commitment instead of just talking about it all the time.\n\nI don't know.\n\nHelp?", "answer": "Not to force AA on you, but have you been working the steps? Just going to meetings is not the idea behind the program. If you expect to see results from just going to meetings, I wouldn't bet on it. Message me if you'd like some specifics.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1il54k", "comment_id": "cb5iqwm"}, {"question": "For worried students", "description": "I was at university from 2013 to 2016. I lived in halls in first year and a shared houses in second and third year. During first and second year I lived with with six other students; shared bathrooms, shared kitchen, everything. I shared glasses during drinking games. I went out to bars and clubs. I rode on buses. I ate at cafes on campus. I was much less careful about hand-washing and weird food and not touching my face then too, and I also worked at a supermarket during the school holidays.\n\nI never got sick the whole three years. Not once.\n\nNobody I lived with got sick from anything other than drinking too much except one girl I lived with in third year - and even that wasn't really a \"tummy bug\". There were five of us in that house and no one else caught whatever she had.\n\nIf a bunch of students who have, at best, a vague grasp of basic hygiene practices managed avoid getting sick, you're probably fine.", "answer": "Hey, we had the exact same college years :)", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "eri9c0", "comment_id": "ff51we6"}, {"question": "I'd Like To Know How to Start Confronting Derealization", "description": "It is very hard to put into words how it feels, but I am going to try to pin it; The episodes are frightening. In the moment, it feels like I am desperately trying to wake myself up from a dream.\n\nYou know when you're in a dream and start becoming lucid, and realize it isnt real and mentally struggle your consciousness awake? The episodes feel like that, except reality is the dream and I have to escape it.  In the moment, it feels like I am struggling to wake myself up, and it's terrifying because it feels like dying. I say dying because, in my head I know I am not asleep. Its disconcerting to feel like you are trying to wake up from the waking world. Its sickening because you realize that can only mean that reality is not real. That where I am existing consciously, it isnt real, that life isnt real and I need to wake up/escape. But I am convinced if I do it successfully it means I am going to deatch my consciousness from my body and I will die. Like my body will just stop breathing without me in it and I dont know for sure if I really will wake up to someyhing else, or if I will just make a irreparable mistake and wont be able to go back. That uncertainity makes me panic. It feels like I am both struggling to escape and struggling to stay attached at the same time. \n\nMy body has physical symptoms. Which later I realized match those of a panic attack. My heart beats so hard it hurts, I get these awful pressure headaches, I feel weak/nauseous/lightheaded. \n\nAfter the episodes the feeling of being detached sort of persists for a bit. You know that voice you had as a kid that tells you the bump in the night is a boogeyman in your bed? That voice tells me Im feeling floaty and weird because my consciousness nearly got ripped from my body and, for the moment, doesnt feel 'right' again being back in it. \n\nI ground myself by breathing slowly and recalling 'real' sensations, like the smell of earth, or the feeling of grass in my hands.\n\nWhen I come back to normal, I feel fine. Rational. But it can take a while to feel that way. Sometimes I feel like I'm sort of just on autopilot, waiting for things to feel normal again. \n\nWhen I rationalize I know this is because of my depression. I have always thought I can deal with it well but recently I have become aware that something has changed, cant really put my finger on what, but in any case I am not dealing well with the struggles I used to be able to overcome. Its beckme very overwhelming, stressful, I am more anxious and have depressive bouts.\n\nAt a point two years ago I had only one episode, which I legitmately freaked out over. My first time experiencing anything like it. I had some rare moments of existential crisis where I might sort of become aware that I am literally just thoughts trapped inside a skull and one day the body will expire and I dont know what will happen to me. THAT freaks me out. But that was the first time I ever really experienced the sort of thing I just described as a derealization episode. At that time I thought I had choked in my sleep and nearly died, or that something was trying to possess my body by catching me in my sleep and trying to push me out of it (again. that weird imaginative voice that comes up with reasons for the unexplainable).\n\nNow I know more about derealization, it releives me to know that it is a shared condition among other people, even if not every experience is the same. That I am not actually going insane and all these weird things I think are happening are as explainable as sleep paralysis. \n\nBut right now I just came out of a particularly intense episode. I am worried because, after snapping out of it now, I am just realizing that I am after all not coping well with my depression and anxiety. And I dont know how to follow up on it. \n\nWhen you realized something was wrong, did you go to a therapist? Your normal GP? Is there medication I can take? What did you do to take the first steps in getting help? I worry they will think I'm making it all up, or that they wont take me seriously. But I think its come to a point where I need to out those fears and concerns aside because its become too much to bear now.\n\nI know I need some outside help but I feel sorta lost. I read your posts about feeling alone because theres no one to talk to who understands--no one in my life has probably even heard of it, or would have advice about what to do, or share the experience.\n\nIts disconcerting. I dont know much about Derealization to begin with I guess. When I was coming out of this episode about 3 hours ago, I stressed that I might actually snap, lose touch with my rationale, completely lose control and autonomy of my body and mind. I worry I might lose my sanity and be put into a ward to care for me because I am stuck in this perception of nothing being real (has that ever happened to anyone? Permanantly become stuck in an episode?) and unable to function real-world. \n\nIn any case I guess I'm just looking to hear how you first went about approaching/confronting your derealization for the first time. \n\nMore about your coping mechanisms and lifestyle strategies. It might help me out. \n\nI'm super freaking tired now and so I will sleep and revisit this tomorrow. Its Sunday tomorrow, so whatever steps I take will have to wait till Monday.\n\nUgh. Stay clear guys. XO", "answer": "Your post really helped me, thanks for sharing your insights. I love the  connections you made to the dream state and sleep paralysis. \n\nI have a psychiatrist that I see for therapy that has helped me a ton. She is a meditator with a lot of Buddhist training which helps but I don't think it's necessary. There are some medications that help some people at least. I find a lot of help from spiritual study though it can also be quite ungrounding so it helps to have a teacher that understands both the existential side and the need to stay grounded. I found this post to be really helpful too:\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/derealization/comments/brhe2y/ive_had_dpdr_for_over_6_years_and_have_been_fully/\n\nI think for me, the problem isn't that I don't fully know what is true, but that I have this intense need to figure out and know what is true. It feels so urgent and critical, and like until I can understand and figure things out, I am in great danger. But in fact, there is so much that we cannot know, that no one knows. I often feel like I need to know everything and I feel as though I cannot trust anything until I can know for sure (which actually wouldn't require any trust at all). Or I feel like I do have some important existential thing figured out, and what I have figured out is terrifying, way too terrifying to live with/accept. When I am feeling this anxious need to know and figure things out, I tell myself over and over, I don't know and that's ok. I remind myself that it's ok not to know what is real. It's ok that my reality is different than anyone else's and that their reality is different from anyone else's as well. Everything I fear may or may not be true, and that's ok. I'm going to die someday and that's ok. I don't know what that'll be like or what comes after and that's ok. Trying to practice acceptance, a willingness to not know everything, and perhaps some trust that I don't actually need to know everything and never can is helpful and calming to me. I also try to focus on very practical things that I know will help ground me and experience life more healthily -- eating better, drinking water, getting regular sleep, getting some physical activity in, interacting with other people, journaling, meditating, etc. Even though it can be hard to believe they will help or do anything at all, you have to try to remember that that is your depression and obsession and anxiety lying to you. They will help stabilize you and grow into a stronger and healthier person. Good luck to you.", "topic": "dpdr", "post_id": "e3wttv", "comment_id": "f96esax"}, {"question": "[11F] Daughter with ADHD has developed motor tics", "description": "This question is about my daughter.\n\n***************************************************\n**Age**: 11\n\n**Sex**: F\n\n**Height**: 5 ft. (153cm)\n\n**Weight**: 73lbs (33.34kg)\n\n**Race**: Caucasian\n\n**Primary complaint**: Newly developed motor tics\n\n**Duration**: Rare (and and the time unrecognized) motor tics going back at least 6 months or longer, very pronounced increase in frequency of motor tics within the last week.\n\n**Existing medical issues**: ADHD, diagnosed by Pediatric Neurologist on 9/20/2018 (weird coincidence, exactly 1 year ago today)\n\n**Current medications and doses**: Quillichew ER 25mg, 1x per day in the morning\n\nNo drinking, smoking or drug use.\n***************************************\n\nMy daughter was diagnosed with ADHD 1 year ago.  Since that time she has been taking Quillichew.  After a little bit of adjustment she settled on 25mg/day as the apparent optimum dosage that helps her with executive function while not impacting her sleep and anxiety levels to much.  This medication has been highly effective at helping her!\n\nFor most of the year she has taken a dose every day except 1 day on the weekend.  We take this break because we were hoping to prevent or delay any tolerance build-up and to keep an eye on how she is doing without medication.\n\nFor most of the last year I have noticed the occasional motor tic from her.  Excessive blinking, shoulder shrugging, grimacing, neck stretching.  However, I did not really understand what I was seeing at the time and it was so infrequent that I just disregarded it.\n\nLast week she got sick with a mild cold.  Nothing to bad.  A very mild fever.  A very light cough and some tiredness and grumpiness.  At the same time she **really** started showing alot of motor tics.  So many that my wife and I started to do some online research and then recognized it for what it actually was.\n\nA trip to doctors office had us sitting down with a Pediatric Neurologist NP who told us that she didn't think this was a side effect of Quillichew.  She seemed to indicate the motor tics might be a comorbidity with ADHD or possibly that Quillichew lowered the threshold.  She recommended CBT and CBRT.  She also recommends that we don't do the \"off\" day from Quillichew on the weekend.  She advised that we do not call attention to the tics.\n\nI'm looking for some other opinions.  It's **not** that I think the Pediatric Neurologist NP is wrong.  I honestly just don't know.\n\nAny advice?  Should we switch to a non-stimulant medication?  Should we stay the course and take her to CBT? How much could the cold and recent school stress be a complicating factor?  Did Quillichew cause this?  Will it go away if we stop the medication?  Will it get worse?", "answer": "Tics and ADHD are often comorbid\u2014they appear in the same people. Tics can be caused or unmasked by stimulates, but also coincidental. It light be worth trying a drug holiday and seeing what happens. Because tics can come and go, it\u2019s less enlightening if it goes away without Quillichew and more suggestive if the tics persist on days your daughter doesn\u2019t take it.\n\nThe fact that it became worse with illness suggests, but not definitively, that this is driven by at least not only medication.\n\nAnd as always, there\u2019s a risks and benefits discussion. How severe is her ADHD and how much does Quillichew help? How severe are the tics? What might be done to manage them (whether or not Quillichew is causing them)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d70799", "comment_id": "f0wyf1e"}, {"question": "Fantasy??Megalomania?? Help me out to define this mental state.", "description": "I don't know how to define this, so please help me out.\nWhen I listen to music or watch a music video, I identify with a player and fantasize about my playing the instrument. I deeply absorb myself in this fantasy and get really high. Is this a mental symptom? What is this called? ", "answer": "just sounds like you have an active imagination. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "416rzt", "comment_id": "cz0dfhq"}, {"question": "Took a risk tonight", "description": "So my boyfriend brought back fresh fish from where his parents live in California to where we live in the Midwest. He flew it back. He has done this several times before and it\u2019s always been fine. They vacuum seal the fish and freeze it, then pack it in freezer packs. Usually, the fish is still frozen solid when he arrives back in the Midwest. However, this time, it was thawed. Still cold, like felt refrigerator-temperature, but not frozen. Maybe because he had a long layover this time. When he got back from the airport, we put the fish directly in the freezer.\n\nWe cooked some of the salmon up tonight. We ate it about 5 hours ago. Of course, I\u2019ve been jumpy ever since. I\u2019m proud of myself for going for it and eating the salmon, but now my stomach is all gurgly. I don\u2019t even have a stomach ache or throat n* - just the gassiness. Should I be okay?", "answer": "Thank you for taking the time to respond! :) that\u2019s a good point about the gurgles being more of a stress thing. I like the idea of reminding myself that this is temporary. I\u2019m still feeling fine today!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ejt5qj", "comment_id": "fd2l043"}, {"question": "Me [23/m] don\u00b4t know how to deal with ex-girlfriend [22/f]", "description": "Hello,\n\nI want to share with you about my experience and ask what you would do in my place. As the title says, I have some problems with a former girlfriend, specifically I do not know what relationship I should keep with her.\nWe broke up in late February, after a brief but intense relationship. Our feelings were mutual, but on her part it began to cool down over time. She started to avoid me, repeatedly advise me to find someone else, emphasizing that we only few things in common, and all the time she was in contact with her ex-boyfriend, with whom she could go back together. When this uncertainty in relationship was no longer bearable, I decided to tell her my doubts, even though I knew it would end with a break up.\n\nShe recoverd relatively easily because she was emotionally involved in someone else but it was very hard for me. Even after the break up, we spent a lot of time together (her new/old boyfriend works abroad) as if nothing had happened. Actually, she contacted me a few hours after we broke up, and then when she later admitted she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, as if nothing had happened. I tried to accept everything, respect her decision, move on and have a friendly relations with her. But I was just lying myself, hoping to rekindle our relationship. Until recently, I was in a vicious circle in which I repeatedly fell in love with her, only to be disappointed with her statement or a mention of her boyfriend.\n\nI have realized, that can\u00b4t keep up with this anymore, and I decided to stop communicating with her. We are already communicating much less than before, we meet occasionally... and I feel better. I do not think of what happened, where the error happened, and I feel I'm growing as a person. But I also feel remorse against her and our common past, when I get away from her life in this way. I do not want act as I can\u00b4t control my feelings and doing unnecessary scenes. Most of the time in my life I\u00b4am trying to be reasonable and act as a grown-up, but sometimes it\u00b4s not possible, and I've probably come across my limit.\n\nIf I did not do that, there two possible scenarios of our relationship. I would either fall in love with her again only to be dissapointed again, or I would start to hate her and I really don\u00b4t wish for this, because despite the things she did to me, she is a great person with amazing character. However, I have encountered my personal limit, and I do not think I can maintain friendly relations with her without losing my hope of reviving my relationship.\n\nDo you think I'm doing well if I get out of her life like that? What would you do in my place? Do you have similar experience like me?\n\nThank you in advance for readings and answers.", "answer": "Yes. You're doing fine cutting her off. Move on with your life!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh9lk", "comment_id": "di2lc4b"}, {"question": "my SO has been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes...", "description": "I am really worried and we need help. We are expecting our third child. She is 24 years old, and doesn't have a great diet. She really only likes eating mostly sugar. It was something that we were both aware that could happen, but now that it is, we don't know exactly the next steps to take. I thought it would be a good idea to see a nutritionist and get a diet plan that would be specifically tailored for her and the babies needs. Is that something that is even really possible? I am assuming its entirely up to us figuring out a healthier diet, and maybe an exercise plan. Neither of us cook, and usually eating involves quick fixes. Every pregnancy involves her getting really big. I think our first baby she gained around 80 pounds. Both babies were and are very healthy. The word diabetes scares me, and I want to get on the best plan possible . Short term we are planning on cutting all sugary products out. Is this helpful? We just went through our house and tossed away all the candy and doughnuts and stuff. My biggest question is if we are cutting out all sugars, what the heck does she eat? She was telling me that even bread and pasta is carbs, which your body turns to sugar? I don't know alot about this, I am lucky to have a faster metabolism, and don't particularly even like sweets. Seems like changing her entire eating habits is going to be hard, and im not sure the best foot to put forward...", "answer": "Just to clarify, who has diagnosed gestational diabetes? Did you not get advice from them at the time?\n\nIt depends on severity. My SO also got this, and hers was such that she needed insulin to control it, despite a very healthy diet.\n\nYou need to get specific advice from a health professional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xhyjf", "comment_id": "d6fngd3"}, {"question": "Please list things I should do to get friends, because clearly what I'm doing now is not working.", "description": "Please list things I should do to get friends, because clearly what I'm doing now is not working.  Here is what I have been doing:\n\n- Having open body language\n- Being kind, happy, empathetic, and positive at all times\n- Smiling (genuinely).  A drink or two is involved if I'm feeling anxious.\n- Finding things in common as quickly as possible (still working on hacks for this, but I try)\n- Being interesting, having lots of hobbies and things to talk about (music, art, fashion, activities, experiences/adventures, etc)\n- Telling stories and being good at not what I'm saying, but how I say it\n- Trying to \"add value\" to friendships and showing ways or things I can help them with in the future\n- Let them do at least 60% of the talking unless they are asking me questions\n- Genuinely care about their lives and what they have to say (I do)\n- Looking / dressing like I fit in to the crowd.  And having good hygiene obviously\n- Following up with people I feel like I've \"clicked\" with (although I guess I'm not a good judge of this)\n\nI mean, what else can I do?  Why are my results so poor?  Is this just normal?  I mean, if I feel like I had a good time around someone, why would they not feel the same?  Unless they are acting sociopaths...  \n\nI can't understand why I can't make or keep friends.  I don't come off like I'm trying too hard...  What else can I do?", "answer": "What do you do when you follow up with people that you've clicked with?\n\nAlso, do you ever host or plan events? Something that I've found is very effective for me in making friends is planning an event, and then inviting several people that I know who would all get along with each other. For instance, I knew several nerdy guys who I knew would probably enjoy Dungeons and Dragons, so I invited them to come play D+D with me, and that game ended up being the source of many friendships.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3i8pp7", "comment_id": "cufho9s"}, {"question": "Wife pregnant with affair...What to do?", "description": "We are a married couple for 4 years, with no kids. We were seeing each other for 7 years before that. Wife initially started our conversation that she wanted a divorce because she was not attracted to me anymore. Later on, she admitted that she was seeing someone (Mr.X) and she had committed the worst thing ever. They had sex few times and now she is 6 weeks pregnant. I do not know what to do. She might be emotionally involved with Mr.X and she needs to talk to him about the pregnancy..if she needs to abort it or want to keep it ? I am very devastated with all this and want a divorce, because it seems to be messy situation. I can not speak to anyone about this, since I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic. If it was only an affair, I could have thought twice of giving this a second chance. But knowing she is pregnant, it feels terrible. \nI do not know what to do...Looking for some advice here...please help, im devastated. Should I give her a second chance and forget what happened OR get a separation and make my own way out of this ?\n\nEdit : I do not plan to raise the other man's kid. If we choose to give it another chance, she would have to drop the kid, since its only 6 weeks it's only a pill abort. I feel horrible to say this, but for reasons I would not want to raise someone's else kid.", "answer": "so sorry..... no easy answer here.  everyone is different when it comes to forgiveness. i would definitely see a marriage counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pst0i", "comment_id": "dctj3bu"}, {"question": "Asking questions, backfiring. ", "description": "I have encountered many people who don't take kind to the whole 30% talking/70% listening approach. While a lot of people like talking about themselves, I have found some don't. \n\nFor example here is a convo I had with a person at work:\n\nMe: Hi\nHer: Hi\nMe: So how is school going?\nHer: Stressed about work and soccer.\nMe: You play soccer, what position? I use to play. \nHer: Defender, I use to play forward.\nMe: Why don't you play forward anymore?\nHer: (long story)\nMe: Gotcha. How long you been playing for\nHer: (long story)\n\nFew days later I hear her telling people I'm nosy. Has anyone else encountered this?", "answer": "You need to balance asking about them with sharing about yourself. If you only talk about yourself, you come across as self-centered. If you only ask them questions, you come across as nosy. If you balance the two, then you have great conversations.\n\nThis concept is explained in detail in this [conversation guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "z8ait", "comment_id": "c62us76"}, {"question": "BOUNDARIES", "description": "I want to learn what are boundaries exactly , how to set and how to hold on to them", "answer": "Very briefly, i\u2019d summarize boundaries by deciding: what is ok with you, and what isn\u2019t? If you communicate your boundaries to others, and someone interacts with you in a way that violates them (not ok with you), is there a consequence?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "etr6z9", "comment_id": "ffi1b9g"}, {"question": "How to handle my non-ADHD friends using stimulants (college)", "description": "**TL;DR: Should I be upset that my close, non-ADHD friends are abusing adderall as a study drug? Looking for advice/shared experience/sanity check**\n\nHey everyone,\n\nFirst order of business: Love/super grateful for this subreddit; long-time lurker, first-time poster, etc.\n\nNow, I'm hoping you guys can help me think through this -- I've been really conflicted about it for a while, and I'm not sure how to feel or what to do, if anything. \n\nSo, here's the situation: I'm currently a sophomore at a big, competitive/stressful college. Two of my pretty good friends -- both of whom know I have ADHD and have heard me talk about some of the difficulties of managing it while at school -- have recently been abusing adderall (not mine) in order to pull 12 hour study sessions pre-final exams. \n\nWhen I first found out about this, it made me really, really upset, but I found it very difficult to articulate exactly why. I'm using this post to kind of think out loud/work through my feelings about this in a space where I can get a sanity check/advice from people who have maybe dealt with something similar or at least understand where I'm coming from.\n\nSo my feeling more broadly about stimulant abuse for an \"academic edge\" (which is incredibly common at my school, unfortunately) is that my medication gets me to a NT's productivity level unmedicated; why is it fair that they get to make the playing field uneven again? But also, these are **good** friends of mine. I've confided in them, they've confided in me; I think of them as good people, and as people that I can trust, and I feel like in doing this they've betrayed me in some way. I just feel like they should know better -- it's one thing if it's stupid frat boys that I don't know snorting adderall (still sucks, but what can you do), but these are my friends. I know saying it's a \"betrayal\" is pretty strong language, but I can't help but feel that in abusing the meds for something as (comparatively) trivial as being able to study for 12 hours instead of, like, 8, when I need my meds to basically hold every aspect of my life together somehow makes light of how difficult ADHD can be. I also feel like when regular people use stimulants like this, they start to think that that is what ADHD people use stimulants for, too -- like they might be the ones missing out on some advantage while people with ADHD get a leg up.\n\nI think part of my frustration also comes from how complicated my relationship to my medication was/is. I struggled a huge amount with feeling like I was deficient in some way for being dependent on my medication; I would take \"breaks\" to try and prove to myself that I didn't need it and inevitably end up feeling like a failure; my first medication made me incredibly unhappy (so many panic attacks! No emotions!), etc -- I can't count the number of times I've wished that I didn't have to be on stimulants to live the life I want. So for them to just casually take adderall and be super productive without dealing with any of the shit surrounding the label of a diagnosis and the stigma of being medicated just really rubs me the wrong way, and makes me feel sad. I don't want them to think after doing adderall for a little bit that it's some magical pill that makes you into a productivity machine and fixes everything, because that's just so not true.\n\nAlso note: I'm no doctor but I know pretty much for sure that one of these friends does not have undiagnosed ADHD; I've been to enough libraries with her/seen her work to be fairly certain. There is a possibility that my other friend could have undiagnosed ADHD; I'm less angry at her, for obvious reasons, but still think that if she's struggling enough to start paying for illegal stimulants, she should go get a diagnosis (she has the means)\n\nI don't know, is it crazy to expect them to understand how hurtful this was? Should I talk to them about it? (The more I think about it, I'm not actually sure that they would understand -- also, clearly whoever they got their adderall from doesn't give a shit about it, so maybe I am making too big a deal of it?) I don't know!! Please help, am I overreacting? Sorry for the length, any advice/input/stories/support would be really appreciated. ", "answer": "\u201cI just want you to know that, by abusing this medication, you make it more difficult for those who legitimately need it to access it.\u201d", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a51p8t", "comment_id": "ebj6px9"}, {"question": "Abandonment by primary parent", "description": "I don't know if this is allowed, please let me know if not.\n\nWhat would you expect to see in a child and/or adult who had been raised almost entirely by one parent until the age of 10-11 and was then abruptly and voluntarily abandoned by that parent?\n\nIs there a...I don't know, symptom profile for parental abandonment, especially primary caregiver, that looks different or can be teased out somehow from other forms of child abuse? Are there types of issues that are more likely as a result of that compared to instability in a home but where parents stuck around?", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry that happened to you. That would be incredibly hard.  I would say it\u2019s definitely dependent on the individual person how it affects them. A really common one is the effect on attachment which can impact relationships throughout life, unless they are able to form a secure attachment to someone else which can help to heal that. Attachment difficulties lead to feelings of not being good enough which trigger fears of abandonment and rejection. How that plays out in relationships can be how the person then reacts to triggers and perceived threats to emotional and physical safety.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvhlcz", "comment_id": "fmj2gc7"}, {"question": "Do I have depression that could be fixed with prescription amphetamines?", "description": "I recently quit smoking and drinking. Now, I'm feeling tired all the time.  My brain feels foggy like it's working way more slowly than it should. \n\nPlus, I don't feel energized from caffeine anymore, and I feel sad all the time.  \nAlso, I find it really difficult to sleep at night even though I wake up early to work out.  \n\nWould amphetamines be something that could help me? If so, who can I talk to in order to have them prescribed to me? \n\nAlso I'm a 21 year old male. ", "answer": "Give it time. If it hasn't resolved, a trial of antidepressants might be useful (or computerised CBT: www.moodgym.org).\n\nAgree with others, amphetamines aren't evidenced to be of long term benefit, and I doubt it's in your best interests anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56fhbt", "comment_id": "d8kqn3g"}, {"question": "I feel really terrible all the time. I don' get along with people at all, and I feel like just giving up on everything.", "description": "I don't know what's wrong with me. No matter what I try to do I can't make new friends, I can't get girls, and I just don't fit in anywhere. I've even started to doubt my relations with my best friend. Am I just a narcissist? Can it be that I'm just so unpleasant to be around that no one can find a positive trait they can like? I'm probably being too broad, but, I just feel like shit. I've thought about killing myself, but I don't have the courage to do it. Everytime I really think about doing it, I just pussy out. I don't get any farther than a thought, and it's made me think that I like to be pitied, even to the point to were I threaten *myself* with suicide. Can anyone help me? Do I need to be more specific? ", "answer": "Have you thought about seeing a counselor? A counselor could probably help you understand better what you're feeling and help give you strategies for dealing with it and getting to a happy place.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xc2yo", "comment_id": "c5llm79"}, {"question": "Recreational Cannabis Usage While On Low Doses Of Sertraline", "description": "How likely is a young man in his early 20s of average weight and above average height to experience ill effects of smoking cannabis once every month or so while continually taking Sertraline 50mg? What type of ill effects are to be expected if likely and are they likely to be fatal?\n\nTL;DR Am I gonna die if I get high this weekend?", "answer": "You're not gonna die.\n\nCannabis use tends to worsen anxiety chronically, but I don't know of anything suggestive about very occasional recreational use with or without SSRIs. It's probably as safe as cannabis for anyone, which is to say mostly but not entirely safe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aqevte", "comment_id": "egfj6kc"}, {"question": "Help! A relative of mine believes he's God", "description": "He started behaving very strangely yesterday. Quoting holy text, then berating family members for not being religious enough. He claims that God is inside him and at the same time he's a slave of God. Claims such as everyone being hypocrites except his wife's Grandmother followed...among everything else.\n\nHe further believes he's on a mission of global peace and today he said he knew how to defeat the Antichrist. We're taking him to a doctor today, but I'd like to know if any of you ladies/gentlemen have seen cases like this before. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!\n\nEdit: Just wanted to point out that he doesn't exhibit any violent tendencies except raising his voice occasionally at people who disagree with his views. He also has sleep issues (sleeps from 10 pm to 1 am) and then starts praying and doesn't sleep for the rest of the day. He's been preaching at work too so his boss put him on a leave of absence.", "answer": "Sometimes people who believe they are God or have the spirit of God can take more risks than they normally would.  For instance I know a case where someone believed they were God and could fly, so they jumped off of a 1 story roof.  They are fine, but the point is if there is a delusion of thinking they can not or will not die if they engage in dangerous behaviors, they may be more likely to do so.   Based on what you described I feel that at this time he is not in danger of engaging in risk taking behavior but, it is something to be aware of.  \n\nEdit: don't ask if they feel like they are invincible, wait till it comes up if at all.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scp9q", "comment_id": "cnop0h4"}, {"question": "Teen daughter depression and anxiety or bipolar", "description": "I\u2019m so lost we have no family it\u2019s just my husband myself and our children so I have no one to help me through or offer advice.\nMy eldest daughter was put on lexapro for anxiety and depression she asked the doctor to change it as she had some big memory lapses as in taking things and not remembering she did it. \nShe sees a psychologist, however because of privacy I cannot be told anything, all I get is what my daughter tells me which is not much so I\u2019m going out of my mind.\nMy concerns are firstly I feel in my gut something is not ok with her.\nSince taking the ssris her moods have been odd, stays away from home every chance she gets. The memory issues as above. Lying, friendship problems this has always been on going. Tonight after no sleep last night because she was staying with a friend she was happy then irritable, non relational, cleaning out her draws , things that\u2019s out of normal for her. I was upset and she showed no emotion.\nShe mentioned she feels like she is going crazy.\nI know this I vague I\u2019m exhausted. I just can\u2019t put my finger on what\u2019s up with her. \nI\u2019m so scared this is bipolar, would her psychologist have pick up on this if she was?\nCan the ssris have an effect like this?", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe doesn't sound like a normal response to escitalopram (lexapro). Please have your daughter see her psychiatrist promptly.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dvsfoc", "comment_id": "f7gjb5a"}, {"question": "My BF [26/M] of 4 years threatens to break up with me [27/F] almost every other night over petty arguments.", "description": "We've not been getting along lately. He will prolong any minor disagreement we have into a huge problem, cursing at me, insulting me, and threatening to break up with me as a result. \n\nTonight, I was working on a visa application and I had to focus. We have a small apartment, so we are constantly forced to share the same small living quarters. He was blasting music for several hours, and a couple of times I asked him to turn it down, when I had something to tell him, but then he'd return to playing it loudly. He was playing music that he thought I would like, which was sweet, but it was also starting to get on my nerves, and I just wanted to focus on the application. I suddenly reacted very bodily to a particular song that I found annoying and piercing, by grabbing my ears and closing my eyes and exclaiming something along the lines of \"aaah! Please turn it down. I can't listen to this anymore. Can you just turn the music off for, like, 20 minutes please so that I can add up these numbers?\" To which he had a terrible reaction to, total overkill. He turned it off and then started to complain about me, going on and on about my \"childish tantrum\" (it was less than a minute). So, I said, \"Look it's not a big deal, all I asked was for you to turn it off for 20 minutes, heck, turn it off for just 10! I just need a breather from all of this noise.\" But, he wouldn't stop. He kept insulting me, calling me names, saying I was impossible--on and on and on. \n\nThen he forced me to leave the living room and sit in our hot AC-less bedroom, where there is not even a WiFi connection. I did, just so that he would stop, but after a few minutes I couldn't take it. When I came back out, I sat quietly at a desk that was on the opposite end of the couch, so that I wouldn't be in his way, but he nevertheless started going on and on again, with the cursing, the yelling, the insults, throwing dishes into the sink, just because I was in his line of vision. He told me hates me and can't stand the sight of me and that this is all pretend. He told me it's over, but I know that tomorrow he'll probably take it back, as this is the way it has been for the past three years, since we've moved in together. \n\nI am so sick of this kind of treatment. But I also feel stuck. We just renewed our apartment lease one week ago for 6 more months. I have a new job lined up, beginning on Monday. I know that I could maybe find a way to just leave this all, if I really had to, but I feel like if I finally made the effort to leave him, since he hates me so much, he'd come back crying to me, telling me he loves me, and that would be hard as I do love him too--we were college sweethearts before rekindling our relationship in our early-mid twenties. I also know that if I finally gathered the confidence and strength to leave him, I could never allow myself to look back, and I'm scared to lose him forever. I don't know. \n\nWhat should I do? I feel like I don't even know how to properly see or react to these things anymore. I just want some outside perspective. I am at a loss. I used to blame myself for his behavior but I am beginning to see that he causes a lot of drama over what could be arguments that last no longer than a few minutes in normal relationships. Even this evening, I tried to reason with him when he first started getting really upset over my \"tantrum\" by explaining that I perhaps had a dramatic guttural reaction to the music but that it was a combination of trying to focus with the music, and that it's not a big deal ... but, he wouldn't listen. He kept on and got worse, and used it as another opportunity to tell me how worthless I am and how much he hates me. \n\nPlease help. ", "answer": "he's very immature. this won't work", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzy8n", "comment_id": "dloxmmh"}, {"question": "Is not having sex a deal breaker?", "description": "So I met this guy [18/M] about a year ago. We started dating about 2 months after we met and things were perfect. We are so alike and have amazing conversations. I, [19/F], am very hesitant about having sex because I've had bad experiences. Since the beginning of the relationship, I told him I wouldn't sleep with him, I explained my reasons and he was very understanding. We would engage in fore play and fool around here and there.  However, after about 9 months together, he started becoming very distant from one day to the next. This went on for 3 weeks. I'd try to contact him, take him food and be supportive but he wasn't responding. Thus, we broke up a few days ago. I kept asking if the reason behind it was that I wouldn't sleep with him, but he never really said yes or no. \nSo my question is, is sex really such an important component of a relationship? Do you all think the break up was my fault? ", "answer": "There's simply not enough for anyone to answer your question here. Yes, no sex can be a deal-breaker. Sex is a vital part of most relationships. There's no way of knowing whether it was in your situation, though.\n\nIt will get better with time. I know you're questioning yourself right now, but don't let that change what's important to you. If you want to wait for sex, wait. There are guys out there that will be happy to support that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70ojb4", "comment_id": "dn4om6o"}, {"question": "We have a friend staying with us who we think has schizophrenia. We are in a situation right now and need some advice...", "description": "**Background**:\n\nMy parents teach at a university in Tanzania. A year and a half ago, a student in our department (which is relatively small, around 30 students) started to become extremely paranoid. Visions, hearing voices, stuff like that. She came to us about it and we agreed to take her in.\n\nIf she was experiencing any of this before, she was really great at hiding it. She went from a mostly happy person to a paranoid and timid person. Not to say that she's never happy anymore, but she was a lot more cheerful back before this started.\n\nAnyways, back to the chain of events. She started keeping her phone off at all times and didn't want to let anyone see her except for us. She stayed in her room most of the time, although she was very helpful around the house. Shortly after she started staying with us, she graduated, and we agreed to let her continue to stay with us for a while longer. She continued to be very seclusive, although she has opened up a little now.\n\nA short while later she started leaving to go someplace (we don't know where, she described it to me recently as her \"safe place\") and she claimed to have started to receive messages from God. Some were relatively harmless, but others harmed her (not physically). For example, shortly after graduating, she got a wonderful job opportunity, and we went through all this work helping her quit her old job. Soon after, though, she got a \"message\" telling her to NOT take the job, and so she immediately turned it down.\n\nThat was queer, but the queerest thing that happened was a few months ago (around Easter IIRC), when she suddenly decided to change her name. It was quite surprising to us. She absolutely refuses to answer to her old name at all, except for people who hadn't yet been notified of the change (who she immediately notified). There wasn't really that much of a personality change that came with the name change, however; it seems that it was just her name that changed.\n\nAnyways, currently she is living with us, going by her new name only, still pretty timid, still disappearing every afternoon. She is a little more open now, going places with us occasionally, etc, and she seems to generally act okay most of the time - by just talking to her you wouldn't think anything's wrong with her. In terms of relatives, her father is dead, her mother is, I'm told, mentally ill, and she was raised and cared for by her aunt as a child. She is 32 years old.\n\n**The situation:**\n\n(to avoid confusion I will henceforth refer to our friend as \"M\")\n\nM's aunt somehow got wind of M's suspected illness - either through a concerned ex-roommate of M's, or simply figuring it out herself with M's phone being off and such. She told us that she would come to pick M up and take her (home I guess). We think that something does need to happen before M makes to many bad decisions, and this \"intervention\" may be the right thing. We managed to avoid confrontation tonight due to some campus rule about not being allowed to take people from campus in the evening or something, and we're supposed to take M to a safe location (local police station) to \"transfer\" M to her aunt in the morning.\n\nKeep in mind that M, at this point in time, doesn't know anything. Apparently the last time her aunt came, her hands started to shake uncontrollably. I didn't know about this previous visit until a few minutes ago, so if more information is needed in this respect I'll ask.\n\nNow, she trusts us (I'm pretty sure), but she might become uneasy about being suddenly asked to come with us in the car. We do NOT want to do a \"trick\" or lie to get her to the station, but we're unsure how to go about this another way.\n\n**Please:**\n\n* Are we doing the right thing?\n\n* If so, are there any suggestions on how to get M to come? Do we tell her what's happening right away and hope she doesn't resist? Tricks/lies are not an option, that's just wrong.\n\n* If not, what should we do? Some sort of \"intervention\" does need to happen before the situation gets out of hand. The name change and turning down the great job opportunity may just be the start.\n\n* Does this sound like schizophrenia or something else?\n\nI'm posting this at 10:30PM local time, at around 7-7:30 AM tomorrow morning a decision has to have been made. We just really want more opinions on what needs to happen, as tonight my father already consulted with many people, including the head of the campus guards, the provost, and another teacher.", "answer": "It sounds like Schizophrenia could be a possibility, along with a few other mental illnesses.\n\nWhat does the aunt plan to do? M needs to see a doctor ASAP and get treatment before this causes any more problems or bad decisions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2b8d2i", "comment_id": "cj2sr88"}, {"question": "Terribly frightened when I have a hangover.", "description": "Don\u2019t know why but for the past year or so every time I drink I\u2019m fine and can handle more alcohol than most. But the problem is the next day I am so scared like terrified. It\u2019s gotten to the point where I have sudden big surges of fear like I\u2019m going drop dead at any moment, does anyone know what\u2019s happening to me.", "answer": "I know this feeling all to well. Once this starts happening, you\u2019re starting to experience alcohol withdrawals. My nerves were shot every time I drank after this started happening. Then I started drinking to ease my nerves and that sense of terror and impending doom. After that I stopped being a functional alcoholic and wound up drinking around the clock. The progression is happening my man; only gets worse from here unless you stop...much worse.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "d7w1t1", "comment_id": "f15gh23"}, {"question": "Marriage advice pls!", "description": "I am married for 1,5 years and in first of months of our marriage i realized that my husband has a drinking problem...Although we have no problem at home he still cant get himself out of the bar till 2-3 am at least twice a week...he got badly drunk most of thr times and we had bad fights... i finally left home and went back to my home country...Almost begging for 2 months he visited me and my family telling how badly he feels, he wants to change etc i trusted and came back...now it has been 3 weeks and started same thing again.. he just says sorry and wants me to get over it and accept his sometimes drinking out late... so please let me know what do you think i should do? Thanks..", "answer": "He's an alcoholic. Only downhill from here...a life of hell for both of you. Give him an ultimatum.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76cjjs", "comment_id": "docy5oe"}, {"question": "The detrimentally discriminative practices of insurance companies against ADHD patients > 18 => Prior authorization horror stories anyone?", "description": "I'm incredibly frustrated right now and not the first time!  I'm sorry if this is a post that appears on here often - I don't have the patience to check right now (ha).\n\nFirst it needs to be obtained in person from the doctor each and every fucking time.  Then it needs to be on a handwritten prescription pad. Only then does one find out it needs to be prior authorized by the doctor...at which point I'm both unable to work and puking my guts out from the binging I've been doing.  Thanks United Health Care!\n     \nI'm taking Vyvanse, or rather *I'd like to be* taking Vyvanse because the one time I was able to finally obtain it (legally) it seemed to help...and very little helps.  And it actually helped for two of my disorders: ADHD and binge eating...it't great my life does not revolve around binging and then puking my fucking guts out - it's glorious.\n\n\nWhat's the fucking logic behind restricting ADHD medication to this extent for patients over 18?  That we're all fucking cured on our 18th birthdays of ADHD?  OMFG do I wish that were the case.  And maybe the gods could throw a binge eating cure while they're at it...\n\nWhat is the fucking point of all this red tape?  How is this justified?  How is this all allowed?! ", "answer": "I have Humana and I actually had a harder time being on Strattera than I do now on Adderall. \n\nHumana denied to pay their portion of my Strattera, I had to appeal their decision, and I had to get a PA every year. I still don't understand how something like Vyvanse was super cheap but I had to pay an arm and a leg for Strattera. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4395r5", "comment_id": "czgx9dy"}, {"question": "Request: wondering if it is possible to have a subconscious eating disorder", "description": "Just to clarify at the beginning I\u2019m not trying to be insensitive in the slightest to any eating disorders, I\u2019ve had a friend who struggles with bulimia so I know how hard eating disorders can be.\n\nSo I\u2019m wondering if it is possible to have a subconscious eating disorder, more specifically subconscious anorexia. I\u2019ve battled with anxiety ever since I\u2019ve been a little kid and it has very much affected my eating patterns; basically whenever I eat I get nauseous and the anxiety triggers a lot of nausea, thus not eating the way I should (we\u2019ve recently figured out it\u2019s anxiety I\u2019ve been struggling with rather than GI issues). My mom also said that when I was a kid maybe seven or eight years old (I\u2019m twenty now) I started developing anorexia and she talked me out of it, since then I\u2019ve had no problem in my mind with weight issues. However, I\u2019ve been quite underweight my whole life, so you can imagine I\u2019m quite skinny. I tend to get made fun of a lot for being so skinny and I\u2019m also allwaayyyssss cold as well and I hate it! I\u2019ve resolved in my head many many times that I\u2019m going to eat more and gain weight and even set up a program on an app to gain weight (which works; when I eat the calorie amount, I can gain about a half a pound a day). But I\u2019ve never gotten past the minimum BMI recommended weight and actually the thought of being a healthy weight makes me nauseous and when I step on the scale and see any triple digits, I immediately get nauseous and then my body suppresses its appetite until I drop down back to the weight I was before and then I get back up a few pounds and it\u2019s a cycle. In my conscious mind, I know I want and need to gain weight but when it comes down to actually gaining it, it\u2019s like my body doesn\u2019t want to. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s my anxiety or that I\u2019ve always had that subconscious thought since I was little or what but I\u2019d like to figure out what the cause may be so I figured I\u2019d ask you guys to see if anybody\u2019s ever heard of something like this. Thanks so much for your feedback!\n\nSide note: the last time I weighed myself I had gained a couple pounds and my appetite has been raging lately so I\u2019m assuming I\u2019m gaining weight but I\u2019m doing myself the favor of not stepping on the scale so I don\u2019t trigger my body back into no appetite... seems to be working so far", "answer": "you might want to read about the term high cognitive dietary restraint - that's kind of similar to a \"subclinical\" eating disorder. you can also take a quiz to see what your eating attitudes are like - google \"EAT-26\".", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "8ovfct", "comment_id": "e06fwkb"}, {"question": "I'm [23/M] got into a huge fight with my [22/F] Girlfriend. What can I do??", "description": "Yesterday, my girlfriend had texted me about something that she found out. When we first started dating, she had told me some gossip and asked me not to tell. After some time I let it slip to a friend of mine. I don't remember when I said it, but I know I did. \n\nSix months into our relationship (Yesterday), she found out I told and was angry that I told my friend. She got very upset, citing how the trust was broken, how I was stupid for telling him, and that she couldn't believe it. \n\nAfter some time and thought, I apologized for what I had done. I apologized for betraying her trust and citing the ways in which I did that. This morning I received messages stating the relationship was over, that she didn't know me, that I was a terrible person, and that she didn't want anything to do with me.\n\nWe have a history of fights that end in breakups, but this time she said she was done for good. \n\nI know I messed up, and explained what I did was wrong. I explained why it was wrong, and what I was going to do to fix it.\nShe was very upset by me breaking her trust. I have really hurt her by telling my friend.\n\nMy question is, Is there anything I can do?? \n\ntldr: Fight with girlfriend. I told a friend about something that she didn't want me telling anyone. I know I messed up. Girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with me. What can I do??\n\nEDIT: By saying after some time, I apologized two hours after our initial conversation. I understand I was wrong. Our arguments play out with her yelling and screaming, and I listen to what she has to say. I only ever want to understand what she is saying and where she is coming from.", "answer": "Not much man. Abject begging might work. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bigcc", "comment_id": "dhmu5ec"}, {"question": "I am humiliated. Ashamed. Full of guilt.", "description": "I made it 55 days. Longest I\u2019ve gone other than while pregnant. \nIt\u2019s been difficult and satisfying. \nI threw it all away this weekend. Had a date night with my husband Saturday and decided I was going to have wine with our dinner. Before we left we had some champagne, like a welcome back toast! My son over heard me say I was going to have a drink and said: \u201cMom don\u2019t lose your time, you\u2019ve done so well!\u201d I told him not to worry and everything will be fine. This was earlier in the day.\nIn my mind I rationalized that if I choose to drink I just won\u2019t do it in front of my kids. Saturday was not a disaster. Sunday.... oh, \u201cSunday Funday!\u201d Not so Funday. \nGot started at brunch and had a bunch of drinks. Bloody Mary, Champagne and several beers. Go hard or go home - right!?\nWe end up at a friends house and I open a bottle of wine from Vietnam. This \u201cwine\u201d packs a good punch. Fast forward a few hours and we\u2019re all at the pool. Next thing I know I\u2019m waking up at 4 am full of anxiety with no idea how I got home. \nTurns out I got extremely hammered and started to fall asleep at the pool. My husband got me home and I went to use the restroom. My daughter had to go tell my husband that mommy is asleep in the restroom and I can\u2019t wake her up. My son is also a witness to all of this. \nI don\u2019t remember the pool. I don\u2019t remember coming home and I completely let my family down.  I feel so shitty - emotionally - that I could not face going to work today. \nCan\u2019t face my family. Made up a story that my daughter believes about getting food poisoning, but my son knows. My husband has tried to assure me that he got me home before too much damage was done at the pool. \nCrazy thing is my mom is telling me that we all make mistakes. Don\u2019t beat myself up and NEXT time don\u2019t drink as much. \nAll my family and friends drink, which makes staying sober more challenging. I know only I can choose to drink. \nresetting the clock to day 1.\nIWNDWYT\n\n\n\nEdit: Thank you to everyone that has taken their time to post advice and uplifting comments. It\u2019s been a struggle today, but I know I\u2019m not alone. This happens to the best of us. Reading your comments has made a positive impact on my day.\n\n\nEdit 2: \nY\u2019all are amazing. I turned my phone off last night and checked out early. Woke up to so many comments. I\u2019ll try to respond to everyone. Currently at work. Day 2 and I\u2019m already feeling better.\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Sometimes we lose the choice in drink actually. Alcoholism is powerful as hell. No matter how bad we want to sometimes it\u2019s not enough. I need AA and the steps to stay sober myself. Only thing that has worked in the past. I am struggling myself, so I feel your pain. Hope things get better. Learn from it, but please don\u2019t beat yourself up too badly. That only makes for more drinking to get rid of that feeling as well", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bz1g0e", "comment_id": "eqq3w5i"}, {"question": "Anxiety attacks brought on by sound? 28, F, 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue, no current medical problems or medications", "description": "I know this sounds crazy but for the longest time I have always had an issue with sounds. For example, I cannot stand the sound of another person eating near me. It makes me feel like I\u2019m going to explode inside and I get really irritable. It\u2019s affecting my home life but it\u2019s uncontrollable. The same thing happens when I hear pencils writing on paper. Also when there is too much noise in one place (tv on, music in background, kids on phone..all at one time) I have full blown anxiety attacks and have to leave. Is something wrong with me? I feel like I should just be able to stop myself from getting so irritated but it\u2019s like instant and uncontrollable irritation as soon as I\u2019m in any of these situations. \n\nI am a healthy 28yo F with no medical issues. 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue for as long as I can remember but seems to be getting worse.", "answer": "You're not alone, and this happens enough that there's a term for it, misophonia, although it's not a standardized diagnosis. There's also little clear guidance on what to do about it. It's possible that therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help you manage the overwhelming reaction, but nobody really knows.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cwkjbr", "comment_id": "eyceb0q"}, {"question": "Need input about a sex offender", "description": "My former friend, whom I\u2019ll call Amy, has a young relative who was caught in a sex offense. \u201cBrad\u201d was a teen, when he took two young boys into the woods for sex. (I believe they were 9 or 10 yo, and he was 16 or 17.) I thought that he was probably a predatory sex offender and that his skill at luring the boys indicated that this was something he\u2019d done before. \n\nBrad slipped through the justice system cracks and got no treatment. When I spoke with him later, he showed no remorse and no empathy for his victims. He was also seeking work with children. \n\nFast forward: He is now married, has a good career, and has had some kind of therapy. I am wondering what the chances are of a sex offender changing as an adult? Also, what kind of therapy is effective? What kind would not be effective?", "answer": "Re therapy,  a sex offender program is most appropriate.  There are groups especially designed to do this work .\n\nRe chances of changing - I want to make the distinction between sex offender and pedophile. Not all pedophiles offend , and not all people who do what he did are pedophiles. Of course , some people are both. I can't say because I did not treat him and I really don't know what happened or what was behind it.  There are multiple factors used to estimate risk of  recidivism. (There are some actuarial risk assessments you can find online,  but they require knowledge about the offense and offender).\n\n\nI'm curious as to how you would know if he had remorse or empathy.  Were you treating him in some capacity?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fc05m8", "comment_id": "fj8p46w"}, {"question": "I [24/f] want to bring up a \"negative trait\" my partner [24/f] has compassionately", "description": "is this even possible?! and do I have any right to do so? \n\nMy partner has a tendency to be dramatic and does what seems to me like 'crying wolf' (asking for help when it's unnecessary) \nI have seen this behaviour affect my partner's life negatively with our relationship, with her other friendships, with her employment, with her health, it's everywhere really. I don't like when she is dramatic or not taking the time to try and figure things out on her own. I feel like I can see through it and it's frustrating to me. It's something that I feel she needs to work though, everyone has their issues. I think it's possible she doesn't see herself in that way, but I think most other people would. I just want to help her realize the ways in which she is over-reacting but I really can't figure out how to word anything, everything seems very harsh and I really don't want her to feel attacked. \nIs it wrong to have a discussion about something of this nature? I don't want to disturb her natural personality, it just seems like this small aspect is doing more harm than good.  \n\nor is this just my own issue & I need to let it go if I want out relationship to grow and grow? \n\ntl;dr my partner is dramatic and cries wolf, do i bring this up?", "answer": "Check this out: https://relationshiprx.utk.edu/2015/03/11/complaints-vs-criticisms/\nBig difference in complaint vs criticism. How you approach the issue will make all the difference. Good luck!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x44ng", "comment_id": "dmd77fa"}, {"question": "Should I tell my ex I'm going no contact?..", "description": "I've been debating on how to start no contact with my ex. Previously she left me for another guy and while she was with him, she really didn't give a crap about me. Anyways he ended up fucking her and leaving so she basically came running back to me  after that. I missed her a lot so I didn't even care about what she had done. I was just glad to have her back. We were intimate a few times during our friendship but that was a huge mistake. But anyways, like I said she was pretty heartless towards me after the whole breakup and being with another guy. Of course I still wanted and missed her after what she had done so we agreed to being \"friends\" with the occasionally intimacy thing. \n\nSince then she has been really sweet and caring and has helped me with some things for school, but sometimes I just feel like things are different and I simply can't get the idea that she had left me for another guy and lied to my face. I want to cut her off. I honestly just want to disappear, but I'm not sure if it would be fair to her. Should I tell her I'm going no contact or should I just block her off of everything and disappear off the face of the earth? What's the best way to go about this?", "answer": "tell her than do it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7t0t", "comment_id": "dhkh351"}, {"question": "I slipped up after so long...", "description": "I drank last week, after nearly 2.5 years.  I was traveling alone, at a conference for work, I was anxious, and I was given a bunch of free drink tickets.  I used them.\n\nI had only two drinks each on two different nights.  Nothing terrible happened, I didn't embarass myself.  I was lucky.  But I put myself at risk.  And both nights, after I got back to my hotel, it took everything I had in me to stop myself from going to a liquor store and buying more booze so I could drink alone in my room.\n\nI'm back home now, it's been a few days and I'm doing okay, but I had no idea the cravings would come back so quickly.  I'm grateful that my friends all know me as a non-drinker, and people here don't offer me alcohol.  But still, I've had some close calls since coming home.\n\nI had gotten complacent.  I had forgotten how bad it was.  My life has gotten so much better in the last few years that a big part of me believed that I had solved my problem and could drink like a \"normal person\" now.  I hadn't exactly planned on drinking at this conference, but the thought of trying alcohol again has been in the back of my head for the past few months. \n\nI'm also realizing that I had slowly replaced alcohol with marijuana.  I have been smoking way too much lately, even though I never enjoyed weed as much as I did alcohol.  So it's no wonder that I had a slip when I was traveling without access to weed.  I've told myself for a long time now that smoking weed is okay, it's not addictive in the same way as alcohol is and it doesn't make me do the stupid, dangerous things that I do when I'm drunk.  But, like my therapist told me today, I never really got used to a life where I wasn't self-medicating with *something*.  I was never truly sober, and it was only a matter of time before I went back to my drug of choice.\n\nI'm throwing away my weed, and making plans to start going to meetings again this week.  I bought myself a 2-liter of soda and a pint of Ben and Jerry's for tonight, because I feel like I need it right now.  I'm hurting a lot.  I feel angry at myself, and really sad seeing that 5 days on my badge.  2 years is a long time.  I really want to get there again.\n\nThanks for reading.  I will be completely sober tonight.", "answer": "Emotional security comes partly from healthy relationships. Meetings are great but the work of self examination is necessary to undo the damage caused by years of neglect, abandonment and shame. I did the 12 steps because I knew I needed to change the way I felt inside or I was going to drink again. Drinking for me was running away from myself. I had to face myself with the help of another person. I had to admit that I needed help because I had a blind spot when it came to myself.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "6tqh6k", "comment_id": "dlnfd8p"}, {"question": "I'm not sure if this is an asperger's problem, but i can't work on more than one thing in my life.", "description": "Most people can do multiple things a day like having a job, having hobbies and doing sports, but i can't. I work 11 hours a week and i try to finish school and i want to make music and do sports, but that doesn't work for me. When i work for 5 hours in the morning i can't do anything else in the afternoon. On the days i study i can't make music or  go running, because i can only focus on one area of my life. I can't even do normal chores on days where i have something else to do and it seems impossible to have a life because of it.\n\nDo you know if this is a problem due to asperger's syndrom and if autism-therapy could help with that?", "answer": "Oh my god yes!  I\u2019ve said almost this exact thing several times. I have the capacity to do one thing well, and everything else suffers and only gets a fraction of the attention it deserves.  Since I have to live, work gets my attention and every other relationship or interest or obligation (including basic self-care and chores) is neglected.\n\nI also have ADHD and chronic fatigue, but honestly, they could all be part of the same problem. I could have fatigue and focus issues because autism is such an enormous drain on my resources.  \n\nIt could also be the other way around. I could seem autistic because I have ADHD and chronic fatigue. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s even worth sorting out (or possible).", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "i7aijs", "comment_id": "g121dyd"}, {"question": "I[M/22] am an abuser to my SO[F/21]. What should I do?", "description": "Hello everyone,      \n\nI've been with my SO for the past 2 years and it's been going great. But out of no where, it's gone completely down hill. When we argue, we argue over small, petty things that turn in fights that last a whole day. There's two sides of this. When I tell her something, and when she tells me something. When I tell her, she doesn't listen to what I have to say and gets mad at me, and we argue. When she tells me something, I have to continually ask her whats wrong as I just want to get over our problems as I hate it lurking for a whole day as it ruins my day, not to mention her attitude throughout the day. In any case, she won't tell me at all, and it becomes like a child and mouse game with her as she won't tell me what's wrong until I get completely pissed off and annoyed by her acting like this. By the time she begins to speak, I get way pissed off and begin to raise my voice and she will tell me to stop being angry and impatient. By that, I get even more pissed off as I usually wait a whole day for her to say something. Here is an example of our last fight, last night.          \n\nAt around 9am, she said \"How much would you pay for sex from me?\" I jokingly said \"$1\", to which she got mad. I told her sorry immediately, but instead of listening to what I had to say, about why I said it jokingly, she became mad. I hugged her at the same time, but she pushed me into the wall which seriously hurt my neck. I get pissed off by this and begin to hold her arms and body so she wouldn't hurt me more. She continued to be pissed off throughout the day and I continued to ask her whats wrong so she would talk with me. At around 4pm, she tells me why she's so pissed off. But by that time, I'm to annoyed by her attitude and for me having to ask her continuously for whats wrong. In spite, I told her that she shouldn't ask me that kind of question, especially since it's not something someone usually asks, especially to their boyfriend. Fast forward to 1am. We're still arguing and she tells me how much of a POS I am for saying that. I tell her i'm sorry for saying that, but she blames me that I didn't even say anything. She gets up and tries to get out of the house. Admittedly, this is where I go wrong. I pull her arm and throw her onto the bed so she would just go to sleep. She gets pissed off by this and claws me with her nails. I get even more pissed off so I get on top of her so she can't move and hold her arms against the bed so she would stop clawing me. At the same time, I punched her leg and arm since she kicked me in the stomach. As we're doing this, I tell her to stop so we can talk about it the next morning. She stops momentarily, and then runs out of the house around 3am. I have to run after her and grab her and pick her up by her legs and bring her back to the room. I get even more pissed off by this that I slap her in the head, throw her on the bed, and then get on top of her again. This lasts until 5am to which we both get tired and fall asleep. Next morning we wake up around 11am. The same argument continues but instead of continuing to fight, we began to talk. We began talking about what happened and what was wrong. We never came to a conclusion and still are arguing right now.   \n\nIn any case, I know I'm completely at fault for loosing my cool for being physically and mentally abusive to her and I completely feel wrong for doing so. But what can I do? What should I do? If I seek a therapist will they call the police on me? I'd really like to fix myself and this relationship. \n\n\n\n", "answer": "therapy and abusers group", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bly0l", "comment_id": "dhnqqdv"}, {"question": "Is there a great anti-woo line I can use to disrupt the influence of a naturopath on cancer suffering relative?", "description": "An elderly relative (73, Male, 6'00', White English, Midlands UK (so NHS), Some historic angina) has been initially suspected of having Bowel Cancer, and having has a colonoscopy and CT scan he is awaiting his diagnosis and prognosis.\n\nin the meantime his Chiropractor / Naturopath has been providing glutathione IV and injection treatments. He has 'referred' him to a 'prominent London naturopath' who has a documented history of GMC action, although he was cleared as his cohort was struck off within the same proceeding.\n\nI know naturopaths don't really mean much harm, but the very first letter from this guy has asked him to conceal the glutathione treatment from the doctor that will give him his Dx.\n\nI am struggling to make this relative see sense. He is spending many hours watching DVDs from these naturopaths but won't read 'Bad Science' or similar stuff I put in his hand. Although I've given him warning signs to look out for ('sugar feeds the cancer', administering antioxidants) he still trusts his n'paths more than the mediacal doctors or our opinions.\n\nIs there a killer line or short piece of evidence I can use to disrupt the pattern and get him to think critically about his situation, WITHOUT causing further harm?\n\nEdit: Seems a simple keyhole procedure is advised. He wants to wait for 3 months as his n'path says it can be controlled using natural remedies.\n", "answer": "I think you would be well within your rights to express concern to his GP - then let the GP work their magic. Otherwise you should just be candid to your relative regarding your concerns, and hope he takes heed. Cant give you a specific line to use, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "579np2", "comment_id": "d8qb9j2"}, {"question": "So I just fell asleep during my attention test, so should I tell anyone?", "description": "I finally finally took my attention test. It was hitting the space bar on a keyboard every time I saw a letter on the screen and the second half was hitting space bar when I heard sounds in a certain order.\n\nThe letter test I'm pretty sure I bombed, but stayed awake the entire time. When I got to the sound part though I started off well but the longer it went on the worse I got and kept nodding off. I wasn't sleep deprived today though.\n\nIf I tell my psychiatrist I fell asleep will they make me pay for another test or is this common doing something this boring? I guess I should also mention the test was for possible ADHD and I'll go over my results at my follow up on the 6th.", "answer": "Yes. Otherwise they will reach inaccurate conclusions based off of your performance. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4gj96c", "comment_id": "d2iipx7"}, {"question": "An addict will think of everything else in their lives as a cause to their problems before they think what they're addicted to might be the root of it", "description": "I remember reading the title of this post one day and laughed thinking that it only applied to alcoholics etc. Today I'm quitting, I applied this quote to my own life and realized the dependency I had on bud and how it was potentially effecting my life. With a relationship lost in part due to pot I'm deciding enough is enough. I've quit before, but never for more than half a year or so. This time I mean to leave it behind me for good, if not for anything else than it now bores me. When you're high it's hard to really focus on doing anything for an extended amount of time and when you're sober all you want is to get high. \n\nIt's a shame really because I think pot has genuine positive effects to it, however I realize that in and for whatever reason my brain chemistry is affected to the point of almost a non sequitur. Meaning when pot is available to smoke, I'm gonna smoke it. I don't have the self control to take extended breaks or not use it when it's available so I need to leave it behind all or nothing. Wish me luck. \n\nSorry for the messiness this is my first post here. ", "answer": "The addict is most likely correct, the drugs are a symptom not the problem. Self medicating is more the issue ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "63f34e", "comment_id": "dftnw9s"}, {"question": "My mom wants me to take a (supposedly) autism-allieving antibiotic?", "description": "Hi, guys. Last night, my mother and I watched [this episode](http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/autism-enigma.html) of David Suzuki's *The Nature of Things* on autism and a new theory that autism is caused by neurotoxin producing gut-bacteria. Now that she's seen it, my mother is pushing me to take an antibiotic called Acidophilus which (according to the program) is supposed to kill this bacteria, in the hopes that it will alleviate some of my social issues related to my Aspergers. \n\nI'm really not sure how I feel about this. My mom has always been supportive (she was the one that noticed my symptoms and suggested that I get tested), but I feel like she's hoping that this antibiotic will \"cure\" me. I'm fine with who I am but I don't want anybody to treat me as though I have a mental illness that can be cured. Has anybody else had a similar experience? What are your thoughts on the theory? I'm open to hearing any thoughts and opinions you guys have.", "answer": "Ask your mom to become educated about autism:\n\nI bought everyone in my family a copy of this book, and when I told them I had autism, I told them the best thing they could do for me was to read this:\n\nhttp://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843104954\n\nI am not claiming that this is the perfect book, but it is thorough, and learning about and understanding your loved one is often the best thing you can do for them.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xmz2n", "comment_id": "c5nw3ln"}, {"question": "40M - Water smells terrible", "description": "40 M, 5' 8\", 225 lbs, non-smoker, no major issues.\n\nI have this thing where water smells terrible. Tap, bottled, filtered, any kind. But usually when I\u2019m drinking it. There doesn\u2019t seem to be any pattern or triggering event for it. I could be drinking a glass of water and it smells fine. I come back to it and it has that smell. Or it could be some random container of water and it has the smell right off the bat. I\u2019ve asked others to smell the water to confirm and they say it smells fine and I\u2019m a weirdo. The smell is like dead fish in a lake. Kinda swampy. That\u2019s the best I can describe it. It\u2019s been happening for a long time.\n\nIs this normal? A neurological symptom? Am I having a 20 year long stroke?", "answer": "This is not really a physician comment, but I have the same experience. I\u2019ve done some digging and the best I can find is that it may be due to detergent used in cleaning glassware. Or due to contaminants in water. It\u2019s maybe one of those things that some people are genetically more able to pick up whatever odor it is.\n\nI don\u2019t have any more useful advice, unfortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cxjkvu", "comment_id": "eyls8o4"}, {"question": "Boyfriend is lying to me. Need advice.", "description": "So my boyfriend [22yr] had social media accounts just to look at very sexual accounts and all of that. When I [21yr] found this out, I told him how i felt about these accounts, how I felt hurt by it and all, so he deleted the apps the first time. And then I come to find out a couple of weeks later that he had redownloaded the apps and was looking at them on the daily basis again. So again I told him how I understand that he would look at porn and how i do it sometimes too, but the reason why the accounts hurt me so much was that they have become such a part of his daily life that he would go and check on them without thinking about it. Again his response was to delete the apps and said that he loves me and would not risk of losing me and all of that even if it meant deleting the apps. Today I found out that he has redownloaded the apps and back at it stronger than ever. I don't know how to feel about the whole topic again. I mean I feel hurt not just because it's becoming a daily thing for him, but he just going back to it and acting like nothing had happened. I don't know what to do anymore. Just wondering your guys opinion on the whole thing and sorry for the long post.\n\n\nUPDATE: He said that the reason why the apps are back is because his system got a update and that update sometimes bring stuff back.  I didn't know if that's true or not,  even if that's true,  how come he didn't deleted right as soon as the update was done because he knows how I feel about them. ", "answer": "too immature for you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ceca5", "comment_id": "dhu032i"}, {"question": "Twitching / dryness in one eye only?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'm not a doctor, but I had issues with my eyelid twitching before.  Drink tonic water, it has quinine in it, and it helps reduce muscle spasms.  I know it sounds crazy, but it worked really well for me.  As for dry eye, I've always had it really bad in my left eye but not my right.  I use \"Blink\" eyedrops when it acts up.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7cvc4h", "comment_id": "dpvhmpz"}, {"question": "Taking more than perscribed Bupropion", "description": "My daily dosage is 250mg, but in hopes of feeling better from my worsening depression I took 300mg yesterday and 450mg today. What side effect could I see? Is the dose too high?", "answer": "Don't take more than 450. I did once on accident and ended up needing to take an ambulance to the ER and stay overnight in the hospital. It was horrible, terrfiying, and really fking expensive. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dn3rs", "comment_id": "di4aa49"}, {"question": "What do you wish you would have known before you got married, and what questions should my partner (35m) and I (35f) be asking prior to getting engaged?", "description": "My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged. I know it's not super romantic to be having the conversation about it instead of just being surprised and doing it, but neither of us is particularly young and we both believe in making thoughtful decisions, especially when it has long term impacts. \n\nWe planned a date night to sit down and talk about foundational things, big things, deep things that will help inform whether or not we are a good long term match, and whether or not we will be able to see eye to eye and compromise on big life things that we may disagree on. \n\nI'd love some suggestions on things this community thinks we should ask each other.", "answer": "What do you gain by this relationship. What do you give up by being in this relationship?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "drrkic", "comment_id": "f6l9i8m"}, {"question": "Is it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "description": "I'm 17. I finished high school a few months ago. My high school has a tradition where the Seniors on their last day all say their good byes to each other and the other grades. I gave hugs to guys and girls. Usually I just give guys some dap ( a bro handshake), but I figured since it was our last day of high school, and I'm never going to see many of these people again, I'll give everyone hugs.\n\nAll the girls didn't mind when I gave them hugs. However, some of the guys didn't like that. I mean most of the guys didn't mind. But some of them, when I tried to give them a hug stated, \"You want a hug?\", like they were weirded out. When I tried to give them hugs they kind of pushed me off.\n\nIs it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "answer": "Nope, not inherently.  Very much depends on culture though as to how close you have to be to someone to hug them.  I'm a guy and I hug most of my guy friends in greeting or saying goodbye who are comfortable with it.    \n\n\nFor instance, my family is an east coast, mostly irish and italian heritage.  We're very overt with displays of affection.  My wife still jokes about how uncomfortable she felt when we were newly dating coming to parties of my big extended family and getting hugged and kissed on the cheek.  It's normal for us, but for her family, very strange.  \n\n\nFlipside, I visit her family in the mid-west.  Lovely people, but very reserved compared to what I'm used to.  They used to make jokes about me always going in for a hug as I didn't realize until after, they felt a little weird that I was going in for a hug after meeting and leaving the first times.  \n\n\nOn one more note, some people just don't like to be touched.  If by their body language you get a sense someone is weirded out, don't force hugs.  Ask if you can give them a hug.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "95wd10", "comment_id": "e3vxn22"}, {"question": "Is my church group unhealthy?", "description": "I have been attending sessions with a spiritual counselor who has been helping me with spiritual guidance as well as personal issues. I've dealt with feelings of inadequacy for quite some time and he is walking me through to finding more confidence in myself. He even suggested I come off my antidepressants as he felt I was not depressed. He suggests I should do at least an hour or two of Bible study a day as well as write emails nightly to update him on my progress with faith and my issues. He doesn't have a license but he is very knowledgeable. He has studied the Bible extensively and is a very good resource. \n\nHe also sees other clients. Many of these clients have become my friends and have also joined a church group we have created on our own. We, once a month, have a very long session that can last 12-14 hours. I usually feel exhausted after these groups. During these we, as a group, discuss our personal issues and provide support to one another while also discussing faith. \n\nWhat has begun to trouble me is that he claims to be an expert at body language, so I feel intimidated at times when we are talking, like I can't hide my thoughts from him. He has also suggested that I can do more work concerning what we are covering and has provided a more intensive program of study to follow. I am currently in school and have slot of responsibilities. I did issued with him that I would like to back off the program but he suggested that it was me not wanting to do the work. I decided to stick with it but it has been very stressful. Other people in the group are doing the same program and they are doing fine, so I'm thinking it is me. But I don't know. \n\nI'm afraid to leave the group out of fear of losing my faith community since most of my friends are part of this group. And I'm finding it more and more difficult to pay for sessions with him, which are roughly $70 a visit. I'm not sure what to do. Anyone have any suggestions?", "answer": "This sounds really unhealthy.  If you're questioning your faith or need help with spiritual guidance, he's not going to be giving you an objective and supportive point of view to help you figure out things for yourself.  \n\n\nIt would be like me going to my local butcher asking him for advice over the prospect of becoming vegan.\n\n\nIf you find aspects of it helpful and that they outweigh what's troubling you, continue going.  I'd highly suggest seeing a licensed therapist if you really want to explore some of this stuff in a way that's going to be more supportive.  If you have health insurance, it'll cost you a lot less than what you're paying this dude.  Lastly, NEVER take advice as \"professional advice\" about changing or going off your meds from anyone who isn't a Psychiatrist or Medical Doctor.  Even we licensed therapist know that it's outside of our scope of practice to give medical advice.    ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "api6vf", "comment_id": "egdvq0a"}, {"question": "Can you be suicidal without having depression?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'm curious to know why you don't think you had depression. Generally, those recurrent thoughts of death are fairly indicative of what would be considered depression, especially the feelings of being \"irreparably broken\". Regardless, people can often recover from mental illness without any kind of treatment, so that certainly doesn't disqualify your experience. It actually might be a good idea to go and talk about what happened, process it, and address these feelings around the experience you had.\n\nBeyond that to answer your initial question, yes, suicidal feelings without depression do happen, but they generally are more along the lines of \"I don't care if I live\", and associated with reckless behaviors like alcohol and drug use, among other things.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3fn29n", "comment_id": "ctq50ao"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Apparently testosterone levels rise to 150% after about 7 days without masturbation.\nAfter that it stays around that level and - at some later point - begins to go down again slowly.\n\nI researched this a while back and you\u2019ll have to go back to google scholar if you\u2019re looking for the evidence. It\u2019s out there. \n\nYou may also try supplements (T-100 is what I\u2019m experimenting with at the moment; mixed results, but generally positive. Though 7+ days without sex/masturbation does have a more pronounced, noticeable effect for me at the moment).\n\nQuestion also is, what results do you expect from higher T levels?", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "cj085x", "comment_id": "evagbze"}, {"question": "Is it too early for my 17 year old ex-gay son to be dating?", "description": "My son is currently having regular one to one sessions with his youth pastor, and I have been told about his good progress.\n\nThe pastor has suggested he spend some time with girls at the church, clearing his mind. The pastor said he is also working with a girl age 16 dealing with similar misguidance, and they they would volunteer together at the church and see how it goes between them. With valentines coming up, it is good for him to be in a healthy normal relationship. I'm not sure if this is too rushed, as valentines is not a big deal, I love my wife all year, not just one day. \n\nMy son has had about 8 (1 hour) one to one sessions so far in the last 2 weeks, but I am not sure if he is ready. The pastor has told me the girls parents like the idea, and that they have similar interests.\n\nHave any other parents here been in a similar situation? Under a pastors guidance my son should be on the right path to healthy relationships.\n\nlgbts not welcome to comment", "answer": "i think it's up to him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5snb7t", "comment_id": "ddgf97e"}, {"question": "Is it safe to *stop* donating blood?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You didn't list required information, but unless you have a medical condition that requires regular phlebotomy, like hemochromatosis, there's no reason not to just stop.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9jmts9", "comment_id": "e6sm8u3"}, {"question": "How to spot a gentleman?", "description": "Me and my best friend Allison are both single. I have been in several relationships and so did she. However, none of our relationships have lasted longer than 6 months due to the fact that all of the guys turned out to be total pricks. Now we are both wondering how to exactly notice if someone is a real gentleman or if he fakes for the first months so he can hop into bed with you. Please help us with your opinions so we don't need to waste our times on assholes!\n\nThanks so much in advance for your support!", "answer": "  I would go VERY slowly in relationships. This alone will weed out some of the jerks. Ask LOTS of questions over the first few months. Know their history, their needs, their wants, their expectations...... People who will hurt you have 'red flags' in their histories that will emerge if you ask the right questions. There are hidden gems out there. You have to be patient, and selective, and not needy about finding someone.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63a87i", "comment_id": "dfshw5o"}, {"question": "Misinterpreting surroundings - what is this?", "description": "Dx: bipolar 1 (possible schizoaffective, bipolar type according to some docs).\n\nAge: 26\n\nHeight/weight: 5'5\", 103\n\nMy doctors are well aware that I experience hallucinations, particularly auditory ones. However, I can't tell if what I've been experiencing lately is a hallucination, delusion, anxiety, or what.\n\nI tend to misinterpret my surroundings and I have to use a lot of grounding skills to tell myself, \"no, wait. That's wrong.\" For example, I might look in one direction and see a shiny red F-150 pickup truck, only to do a double take and realize it's just a tiny black trashcan, even though both of those things are different colors and even though trashcans and pickup trucks look nothing alike. \"I could've sworn that was in the shape of a huge pickup truck. I saw all the details of the truck, including the black scrape on the side and the bird shit.\" I may also hear wind blowing and then it sounds like bells are being played simultaneously or someone is screaming simultaneously. Then I say, \"wait. That can't be true, can it? Or is it?\"\n\nI also had this thing where people at work were talking and I could hear my name being spoken. For example, if my name is Robert, all i heard was \"Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert.\" No other words. Just my name being said repeatedly. Then I said to myself, \"no, that can't be true. Why would they be saying my name repeatedly? That's not even a conversation. That makes no sense...\"\n", "answer": "Hallucinations are possible with either bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder; having them in the absence of mania or depression would point more towards the latter. Hallucinations can be upsetting or just odd. Although they're seen as *the* symptom of psychosis, often they're actually often not very impairing unless they're particularly distressing.\n\nThe term \"illusion\" is used specifically for mis-perceiving rather than perception with nothing there at all, but it's mostly associate with altered level of consciousness or lack of clarity and rarely like what you describe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8da5hl", "comment_id": "dxlqv6z"}, {"question": "Total Daily Energy Expenditure/Base Metabolic Rate Testing", "description": "I\u2019m curious if anyone has gotten tested to find out what their TDEE/BMR is. I\u2019ve read some research that says women with PCOS have a lower BMR than average so I\u2019m wondering how much lower (if any) mine is. If you\u2019ve gotten it done was it actually lower? Was it helpful information? Did insurance cover it? How expensive was it? Thanks in advance!\n\nEdit: Additional question. What kind of professional did you go to to get it done?", "answer": "I got a resting metabolism measured by a specialist dietician. (She said that to measure a BMR she'd have to come to me first thing in the morning while I was still in bed, lol.) My metabolism is about 60% of what it should be, which she wasn't surprised by because of the PCOS. Insurance covered it (I have pretty awesome insurance) and it was super easy to do, you breath into a device for a few minutes and it spits out the data. It was an interesting experience. 10/10 I totally recommend it if you have easy access to it. \n\nMakes me feel like much less of a 'failure'. I still have to cope with it and make healthy choices from here on out, but it helps me not beat myself up over being 300lbs. Back of the napkin math tells me that since I gained it over 20 years, that's less than an extra 100 calories a day. Burning only 60% of what I should be that's honestly impressive I havn't gained more. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8hrmjo", "comment_id": "dymjx6r"}, {"question": "What can I do to help?", "description": "My best friend had a very severe case of postpartum depression. She ended up hospitalized three times for it. It has now been about 2 years and she seems to be spiraling downward. Her family noticed and had her go back to the hospital for inpatient help for a week. After she got out, she has become very erratic. She can\u2019t seem to focus on anything, doing odd things like sitting on the floor at work and ignoring her employees when they directly speak with her, and randomly getting up and leaving to go do something fairly strange (ex: suddenly leaving work and saying she needs to go to a water park). I\u2019m not sure what to do but I feel like this behavior is very alarming.  I know she just got released from the hospital so I don\u2019t know what to do or how to approach this. I don\u2019t have any of her direct families contact information to try to get their thoughts on the situation and she isn\u2019t able to hold a conversation with me long enough for me to be able to get a read on how she feels. Scariest of all was when one of her employees told me today that they don\u2019t know how she even drove into work. Any and all advice would be great. I feel over my head with this. ", "answer": "Since she has been out of the hospital, how have you and your friend arranged to meet or get together?  Who contacts who?  \n\nYou mentioned this behavior feels very alarming to you, which it would to most people who have never been through something like this.  When you said \"alarming,\" can you give me an idea of an extreme situation you have witnessed?  Does she have a history of self-injury or suicide attempts?  Has she voiced she wants to kill herself or doesn't want to live?  \n\nI don't know the situation, but clearly your friend is struggling.  The simple fact that you care enough to reach out on reddit, that you want to form a plan, that you want to help your friend is soooo what she needs.  Be there for her.  Sit with her.  Listen to her, let her ramble.  If she seems coherent at some point, ask her what you can do to help her.  \n\nIf you think she's at the verge of potentially hurting herself or someone else, contact her place of employment and request for her emergency contact information.  It would be a medical emergency, and it sounds like she's demonstrated some odd behavior there, so it would be worth a try.  Take her phone from her if push comes to shove.  You're a good friend, she's lucky to have you in her life. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8ywo6w", "comment_id": "e2ef22r"}, {"question": "I'm starting to feel like I'm sacrificing my mental health for a BA.", "description": "I am currently living at home with an emotionally abusive mother because I feel like I don't have any other choice right now. I am a student and have no means of income so I can't move out. If I were to quit going to school that would enable me to move out, but that also would me giving up a college degree. I'm just at a loss of what to do. I don't know if I want advice or anything, this is just something that needs to finally be said. ", "answer": "OP I don't know what school you are going for but a lot of schools have free counseling services.  I would suggest \"going to school to work on school work more\" but go see/look into a counselor there.  They would be able to help you with all of these issues in your life, saving your mental health and allowing you to finish school.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ru328", "comment_id": "cnlirft"}, {"question": "Need advice on overcoming my psychological problems and social anxieties", "description": "Hello, Reddit.\n\nI'm looking for advice on how to overcome my psychological problems and roadblocks. I've tried to summarize them below, and I'd be really grateful for any piece of advice you can offer - books, guidelines, personal experience, subreddits, other resources, whatever. Any input you can give is important to me. I know seeking professional psychiatric treatment would be the best course of action, but I just can't afford it right now.\n\nSo, most if not all of my problems stem from me comparing myself with others, inferring my worth from such comparisons, and my perfectionistic streak. Also, my problems are mostly about my interaction with other people, in other aspects of my life I'm doing okay.\n\nI suspect these tendencies developed in my childhood - my parents always taught me to be the best, and I distinctly remember them saying that I should learn from other people's mistakes rather then making my own. I also never went to kindergarten, which I think set me back in my social skills somewhat. My social anxiety also became apparent pretty early - I can remember some of these problems manifesting at age 5-6. But I'm no psychiatrist, so I'm not going to try and over-analyze my childhood, this is just some background for you. I'm 24 now, and over the past year I've become more acceptive of myself, more forgiving for any imperfections, strong enough to try and change my life for the better.\n\n**The problems and anxieties that I could identify in myself:**\n\n* I always feel scrutinized, judged, like I have to perform well. Communication, work, appearance - I always feel like I have a standard to uphold.\n* Consequently, I feel like most other people are able to judge me, I feel the need to defend against them. I can begin to feel uncomfortable even if the person in question is not in a position to judge me, has no ground to criticize me, and their criticism can't affect me anyway. So, this isn't linked to how much weight or consequence their criticism will hold, but more to their demeanor and behavior. Someone who looks stern or judging can make me uncomfortable - for example, someone at work who should be answering to me, but is sullen and uncommunicative, or a stern-looking woman in public transport who I don't even communicate with. In both of these examples the person can have basically no effect on my life, yet I felt nonplussed by them. This also happens with people whose opinion is important to me.\n* I often feel like I'm on the defensive - I hold myself somewhat guarded, I use a lot of defensive expressions such as \"in my opinion\", \"I think so\", \"I guess\", \"probably\", and so on.\n* I'm always comparing myself with other people, and I get really defensive and guarded in a conversation if there is someone in the group whom I automatically identify as superior in some important aspect (demeanor, masculinity, sense of humor, activity in the conversation, appearance).\n* I'm very quiet in groups of people I don't know well. Most people that I know are able to get along easier in such situations. The more I stay quiet, the more anxious I get about being alienated from the group. The last two times I was in the company of lesser-known people someone commented on how quiet I am, which didn't help my self-esteem much.\n    \n**Some other things that bother me about myself:**\n\n* Sometimes, if I see a person trying to achieve results that I can relate to (get a job in my field of expertise, get some rank in a video game I play) I automatically wish for them to fail, even if I harbor no bad feelings to that person. The reasoning behind this is that if they succeed, they'll be better than me in some \"comparison\", and I'm going to feel bad. I don't want to be like this and I feel like a dick, but these thoughts are automatic.\n* Some days I feel small like a child, lost, and insignificant. At times like these it feels like everybody but me is confident and strong and knows what they are doing. I know it isn't so, but it just feels that way sometimes.\n* Acceptance and other people's interest is very important to me. Sometimes I dwell on the thoughts that other people are way more popular, say the few friends that I have. It's true that I'm very much alone and mostly ignored by people, however I don't think that's anyone's fault but my own. Sometimes I go for days and weeks without talking to anybody outside of work. This brings me down often.\n    \n**TL;DR - I've got some psychological problems I'm trying to overcome. Any advice you can give would be great! Thank you!**", "answer": "I know you mentioned it, but seriously, see a professional. Look into the agencies and private practices and ask about sliding scales. They adjust your payment based on your income and it's far more affordable than you would expect. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25kg7k", "comment_id": "chi55c6"}, {"question": "Should I stop taking Vyvanse? Chest and throat pain with tightness, back neck and arm pain, faintness and nausea...", "description": "Hi, I'm 21F white female, 5\"5 and 55kg, I take 40mg Vyvanse (Elvanse here in the UK) daily in mornings and 125mg Quetiapine daily at night. I have suffered from unexplained neck, back, jaw and cheekbone pain, fatigue and headaches for months. I also nearly faint everytime I get up. More recently I have experienced random spells of dizziness or spinning. I thought this may have been related to kyphosis, but in the past week I went outside and exercised for the first time in ages since the lockdown. About 20-30 minutes into the walk, I start becoming very short of breath, nauseous, lightheaded, chest and throat pain, I have to sit down and rest to recover for a few minutes before continuing. This has happened everytime I've walked for the past couple weeks, but today I continued to feel chest pain, short breath, fatigue and echoing pains in arms and back hours after the walk while resting. My mum is alarmed and believes it could be related to my ADHD meds. She also considered the possibility that it could be due to me wearing a mask, thus inhaling more carbon dioxide than normal. Is this alarming, and do you think this is likely the cause of medication? Should I take my dose as normal tomorrow or should I seek medical advice? Note that I'm wary of speaking to doctors because I'm slightly afraid of them taking my medication away, but equally I'm a bit concerned this may be serious.", "answer": "How long have you been taking Vyvanse/Elvanse and quetiapine?\n\nThe piece about carbon dioxide isn't right. Masks are too porous to decrease oxygen or increase carbon dioxide. Even much tighter N95's don't do that, although they can make your face and breathing uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hc9i38", "comment_id": "fvdtx5t"}, {"question": "How do I(33M) tell my GF(29F) to get her s*** together?", "description": "My GF and her 3 kids started staying with me and my two kids about 2 months ago. We have been together for 10 months. \n\nShe hasn't offered any money for the bills. She tells me that shit will and sometimes she has given me money, only to ask for it back because she needs it. She's financially irresponsible. I've given her money for things she needs.\n\nWhen she don't have the kids, I'm at work, and she's off, she drives around visiting friends that are 30-45 minutes away all the time. She goes out to eat, she goes and has drinks, and just other stupid things.\n\nShe has things that she needs to take care of but she doesn't. Her phone has been broke for a couple of months. She can only text. So when daycare or school calls her she can't answer. She needs to find some papers so she can finish filing her taxes. Get her license unsuspended, and get her divorce from her ex started.\n\nShe has a 3 year old who could possibly have some issues, and is hard to handle. So because of the fits thrown when the child got put into the car seat, the child doesn't sit in a car seat. They just wonder around the vehicle or sit up front. \n\nNow that I've typed this out and read it, I feel completely different about the whole situation...\n\nI'm not sure what to do now. I love her. I love her a lot. She has changed my perspective on life, and shown me a lot.\n\nI know she can be an amazing person. I can see that she was in her life before.\n\nI'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I love her, but I don't want her bringing me down with her.", "answer": "Why would you want to be with a person like this?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fe8bzu", "comment_id": "fjnjdya"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t sweat", "description": "This is not fake. I know it sound strange, but never in my life I have sweat. If anyone can tell me why, please do. Been like this my entire life\n\n15M\nEdit for more info:\nOk. First of all, I do t smoke, do drugs, I take 10mg of meletonin to help me with sleep problems. No aclcohal. No visible issues with with. I weigh about 130-150 (been a while sconce I checked, do not have a scale) I\u2019m 50-50 Irish and Porta Rican. No medical issues.", "answer": "Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. It is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18M), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. For all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fgowlo", "comment_id": "fk5xmhb"}, {"question": "With fiance for almost 10 years and still feel unloved, unaccepted, and unappreciated by fiance's family.", "description": "For background my fiance has not had a close relationship with his family though he does with his grandma (whom I adore and who shows us a lot of interest and love) who babysat him all the time. He was verbally/emotionally abused by his father growing up and yelled at for not performing to his fathers' standards in golf or in school, and it typically happened whenever his father (sober for about 5 years now) was drunk. His mother never stepped in and also agreed with his father whenever he would be yelled at. His younger brother was even yelled at to the point of fainting from anxiety when he was just 3 or 4 years old, and needed to be taken to the ER. The doctor summed it up to \"anxiety\" and his family views it as his brother having anxiety, and not that being screamed at caused his anxiety. My fiance also has issues with communication and suppressing his feelings which I attribute to his upbringing by his parents. He's even had issues with suicidal ideation in the past.\n\nNow that his father is sober, they act like all of that never happened and it was never discussed that what they did to their sons was wrong. His brother has a complex and absolutely adores their parents. Fiance tells me this is also the reason he decided to go to boarding school on another island when he was accepted in freshman year of high school.\nI've had issues with his parents since we began dating in high school. For starters when I was introduced to his mom, my memory of her is saying \"and who is this?\" referring to me, and then after being introduced, not being asked any conversational questions but either going back in the house of continuing to only talk to my fiance. Our relationship has continued to be awkward with me feeling uncomfortable because she would seldom try to make conversation with me or get to know me, and would direct her attention only to her son to talk gossip or ask questions that I would not be involved in.\n\nWhenever I'd give them gifts from my fiance and me, I don't receive a thank you or acknowledgement. Yet, I make it a point to thank them and they are sure to say \"You're welcome\" but can never thank me.\n\nWe recently went home to the island we're both from. Since knowing we were going to get engaged, I told him we should start staying together instead of each others' parents houses separately in anticipation of how it's going to be when we're married. We have been staying at my parents house for about a year whenever we go home for holidays or special occasions because I feel more comfortable, and we actually have a bed to sleep on instead of at his parents' house where it's too hoarded to have a free bedroom or bed available.\n\nThey haven't asked us about our wedding plans or any way that they could help. My fiance says that it was the same way when he was growing up - that he'd have to ask them for stuff --even essentials for school -- as if they were holding a power trip.\n\nAnyways, on our most recent trip home, I had made sure he invited his parents to my family's christmas party. they responded \"ok\" but never showed up. They weren't even going to tell us that they werent coming until my fiance texted them asking if they were coming. I was extremely offended that they didnt even have the decency to say that they couldn't make it, but then I let it go.\n\nThe next morning on Christmas day, I texted them both saying Merry Christmas and that we still had their gifts because we thought we'd see them the night before. The father texted back with no \"thank you\" but that they (he, fiance's mom, and younger brother) were watching their friends' daughters open Christmas gifts.\n\nHis mom then texted my fiance separately \"When are you coming to get your gifts?\" At this point I was pissed off. My parents drop stuff off things they want to share such as food and things from the garden at their house all the time, yet they never make the effort to drop off stuff at my parents' house to give things they have to share. It's always as if we have to go to THEM and that we should be thankful that we get stuff from them. It's so twisted.\n\nShe asked again when his flight was so my fiance just told her we would stop by before going to the airport (instead of going to spend time with them). When we went over, the same thing happened where I gave them their gifts addressed from fiance and I and not a single thank you. \n\nOur reoccurring arguments come with me feeling hurt, ignored, and unappreciated by his family. My fiance's solution is to avoid contact with them and to have them make the effort to talk to or see us, but I come from a close knit family and am having a hard time with the fact that he doesn't even tell them when they're wrong or doing hurtful or rude things to us. I want to do couples therapy but fiance says that it's just going to be being told everything that he already knows that's messed up with his family. Is the avoid contact thing best to do??? I feel like it just invalidates my feelings because it does not let them know how their behavior affects me AND their son.", "answer": "no one should be in a rel. more than a year without commitment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5l5l1y", "comment_id": "dbtar7r"}, {"question": "Stressed and panic attacks increasing, having them on and off now", "description": "21 Female\nUSA, full body\nNo known medical condition (diagnosed)\nBirth control\n\nStressful events and life changes continue to occur this past year, randomly get anxious in public.\nI'm afraid of where my mind goes when I feel like this. I always get thoughts to hurt myself, but I know I shouldn't the thoughts keep coming.\n\nBiteing my lips and my finger help with it sometimes. My heart races and I can't think.\n\nI feel alone, and don't think I can go to my family even though I live with them kinda.\n\nIf I go to a doc and get diagnosed with something I loose my scholarship but I get more stressed at school. I'm just a failure either way. How can I feel better?", "answer": "Am a mental health professional here.\n\nMental health records are protected (confidential) information. So your school wouldn't have any way of finding out if you get mental health treatment, including psychiatric medication.\n\nPlease see a therapist skilled in Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Or a psychiatrist. Or both.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeqlqh", "comment_id": "edrtt8q"}, {"question": "Is cheating subjective?", "description": "Personally I think cheating is flirting/initiating something romantic or sexual with another person other than your SO. My previous boyfriend asked his ex for naked pictures and flirted with girls on social media. I considered that cheating, prompting me to leave him.   \n\nHowever others have told me that they wouldn\u2019t consider that cheating since he didn\u2019t physically do anything with a girl, and they see it as a form of pornography. \n\nWould you say that the boundaries for what\u2019s considered cheating in a relationship are an important factor to discuss if I were to get serious with someone? I never knew that people had differing opinions on what they considered to be cheating. ", "answer": "Excellent question. I wouldn't even necessarily talk about it in terms of cheating, but rather in terms of boundaries.  Most would agree that having sex with someone other than your monogamously defined SO is cheating.  Beyond that, yes, it's a very individual notion. But, YOU are totally entitled to feel the way you feel. So if you and a SO are not on the same page, then it's something that definitely has to be worked out for the relationship to be successful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78qsf0", "comment_id": "dow17n7"}, {"question": "doing my own therapy", "description": "So here goes. I am not sure where to post this but I could use some advice from trained therapists. \n\n​\n\nI am on my 6th therapist..well just terminated with my 6th this year. I cannot find a fit and I am so frustrated. I am torn between going to a 7th this Saturday because our text exchange before even meeting has seemed very odd. I still don't know if my gut is telling me to run or not or not go (written in previous post)\n\n​\n\nBut I am trying to reframe this experience so I can keep going.\n\nEven if I haven't found the right therapist, I feel like they are still out there somewhere but I am just afraid I cannot afford it right now or cannot afford to keep throwing hundreds of dollars at this. The system in the US fucking SUCKS.\n\n​\n\nAnyways, in the meantime I have been reading every book I can. Books on empaths, books on CPTSD, books on DBT, CBT, anything and everything about mental health and self-care. I still am not sure what my official diagnosis is yet..as I have not stuck it out long enough with anyone for them to be able to get a clear picture either. But I have been told...GAD, PTSD, Empath and well it has been implied maybe even BPD.\n\n​\n\nMy question is: even though I have not found the right fit, I still have taken some valuable lessons and information from each therapist so that is some kind of progress right? I need to beleive that my growth and healing journey is still going even if I don't have that 1 hour a week support system to bounce ideas off of.\n\n​", "answer": ">My question is: even though I have not found the right fit, I still have taken some valuable lessons and information from each therapist so that is some kind of progress right?\n\nYes, that is absolutely progress. I would say most often change that happens is more about changing trajectories; it may be small in the moment but it large long-term. \n\nThere are times when a big change happens quickly and those are most memorable. But most is the smaller step-by-step progress.\n\nReading books and continuing to try to find someone to work with is good work.  ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ae7vt7", "comment_id": "ednwby3"}, {"question": "Hit two weeks...", "description": "Made it two weeks without touching a drop yesterday :) was so proud of myself! Have been feeling good and thinking about getting back to training in martial arts.  In fact can't wait to!  Then the evening draws in and i find myself at the supermarket, picking up the few usual bits and remembering that it's mothers day on sunday... 'I'll pick her up a bottle of wine' i think.. And find myself with an extra, for me. Should i feel bad about this? The wine didn't last two minutes which to me says i'm still not fixed... will i ever be? Although i feel sure i can now get through the week without an alcohol crutch, i'm still scared of returning to that mentality of 'drunk is better'.. That one bottle reminded me that in my head i still feel like i function better on alcohol. Which isn't the place i want to be in. Now need to fight even harder to stay strong for the rest of the weekend!", "answer": "The term 'fixed' within the confines of sobriety is, in my personal opinion, a fallacy. To your question, \"will i ever be?\" My answer to that if you are indeed an alcoholic is, no you will not ever be fixed. Our disease is always laying in wait, ready to pounce the second we take the first drink, and it's not just gonna go back to normal if you've been sober for x number of days, it will be the same ugly bastard it was the last time you hit bottom. A man in my home group spent 10 years in prison, and he always says, each day he receives a reprieve from his disease, not unlike that of a death row inmate getting a reprieve from the governor. \n\nJust remember that you can do this. It always helps me to look at it as, that first drink is death. It is a serious serious disease, but you can survive it and you can recover.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "19ypn0", "comment_id": "c8sxj7u"}, {"question": "Best sources for practical understanding of psychology & brain physiology?", "description": "I want to have a comprehensive, coherent understanding of how the brain works in a pragmatic, actionable context of self-understanding and development (specifically, for the purpose of reforming habits to live as healthfully and productively as possible). I don't have much free time so the more concise and applicable the information is, the better. What are your favorite sources for information on this topic? Forums, directories, books, sites, podcasts, etc., what are the most helpful that you've encountered? Any suggestions appreciated. Thank you, my dudes.", "answer": "You're asking for a lot in a little time that doesn't really exist. We don't really know how to use the brain to modify habits except for using biofeedback. The brain is so complex, if you want a comprehensive knowledge of it you have years of study ahead of you. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "47gx1v", "comment_id": "d0d85pz"}, {"question": "I think I might have NPD", "description": "I have always known that there is something wrong with me, but I didn't know what. After my last failed attempt at an intimate relationship, I have started reading about BPD (something that was fitting for my symptoms) and then NPD. I think I might suffer from the latter, as well as half of my family, and I am worried that I will end up all alone, in my high tower, having alienated everyone.\n\nI am good looking (not the best, just good) and hypersexual, yet I mostly masturbate. I don't want a partner, unless I perceive him as really desired. In this case, one out of two things happen: either I earn his heart and trust and then alienate him out of fear that he will abandon me (thinking to myself \"Did I do that? Did I seriously do that? Why? Oh, at least it's my fault, so I can fix it next time... it's not that I am unwanted per se)\"; or I win him, then I discover that he's not that great after all, and move on to the next victim without any real regard (\"Suck it up, that's life\").\n\nAs I want to experience real love and intimacy with a partner I desire, I need help ASAP to change my shitty ways and stop manipulating and exploiting people.\n\nMy fears are comical: first of all, I fear that my \"partner\" might think about me in the same way that I think about him. Which is a totally disrespectful way, as an object (of desire), a mere function, an accessory...\n1. He is MY partner, MY sweet-talking vibrator, MY walking erection (caused by ME, of course I can tolerate the though of his dick getting hard for another WOMAN... if he fucks goats, I'm OK with it), MY sweet smile (as long as it's ME making him smile) -\n2. MY pet empath, MY mirror-mirror on the wall, I can shine my brilliance at him and watch him reflect it back on MYSELF with the vibrant power of thousand projectors. He HAS something I lack and desperately crave, he has empathy and can GIVE love, things I lack, but desperately need. Each and every time I think to myself that this time I will make right. But I always do wrong. The harder I try to avoid damage, the worse the damage is.\n3. He's my personal audience, my faithful dog, dare he not be happy being faithful or being a dog, It makes me want to annihilate him. I am vindicative, but I don't take revenge, as I recognize that it won't help. But I have sworn revenge to many people, not only romantic partners, but anyone who disrespects me in any way.\n\nI don't want to talk to people, I want to charm them and capture their minds and hearts. I pretend to listen and understand them, but only because I know that this captures minds and hearts.\n\nI don't want to have sex with men, I want to demonstrate to them my passion and enthusiasm, my bedroom acrobatics, hook them and make them crave me, this is my fantasy. Actually, if I have to be fair, I am a pretty mediocre lover, unless I am enthusiastic about the partner (and myself, and how he looks on me). Then I become ... an enthusiastic partner, which is always good, but nothing very special.\n\nAfter losing a romantic interest to my ego one more time I have decided that I can't afford this cycle to continue. Last time I tried to avoid manipulation and pretense, but things became horrible. I decided to \"show weakness\", but instead I raped emotionally the poor man and I feel awful. I vomited my insecurities and inferiority complexes all over him. \n\nSuch horrible self-inflicted humiliation shattered my ego and I was a barely-functioning zombie for a while. I discovered a website, extensively dealing with NPD on the webs, and I think that it perfectly describes the way my brain works. The funny thing being, these things were always there, but I couldn't see them. My grandiose fantasies, my addictive behavior, total disregard for others, my addiction to flattery, including self-flattery (can't do anything about it - my own ego manipulates me into total submission).\n\nMy own version of empathy - I don't think about others, I will myself to think about others, then quickly start thinking about how I am thinking about others and how empathetic I am.\n\n\nEven after discovering what is wrong, I just can't stop thinking about MYSELF and MY NARCISSISM. \n\n\nProfessionaly, I am doing OK, I  love my job. It's the only thing capable of distracting me of thinking about MYSELF, MY PROBLEMS, MY BRILLIANT PERSONA, etc...\n\n\nI can see how pathetic I am, or more likely, how just OK I am and how huge the gap between my self-image and real self is. It stings my ego, but that's OK.\n\nThe question is, can I learn how to love. Not just men, but my (imperfect) self, our (imperfect) world and to value this imperfect life. Or is this like diabetes, incurable?", "answer": "Narcissists tend not to think of themselves as narcissists...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "61n4wu", "comment_id": "dffsvia"}, {"question": "Toddlers are...challenging", "description": "Wouldn\u2019t call it an actual craving to drink as I know it wouldn\u2019t help, but it is tough living with a 2ft tall psychopath (one that I love dearly and I know I\u2019ll miss this age eventually)\ud83d\ude1c. Onward!", "answer": "Oh yes. ... I hear you but the booze makes it harder. Stay strong... and be kind to yourself", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "c00s0k", "comment_id": "er3exyw"}, {"question": "Did any of you have to take medication for depression/anxiety after quitting?", "description": "One of the first steps that I took rather than admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable was to see a psychiatrist.  That made the most sense because I was obviously crazy right?!  She has had me on a buffet of medication over the last year with some decent results.  I'm just curious though how everyone feels about medicating and if you have been prescribed medication then what are you taking?", "answer": "I was on Prozac for the first 9ish months of my recovery. I got to the point where I no longer needed the medication and I've been off of it for the last few year. Whenever I start getting depressed again I go see my therapist and generally that's enough to bring me back up. I think if medication is necessary then take medication!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5vk0gz", "comment_id": "de2swcp"}, {"question": "Can an adverse reaction to an SSRI cause brain damage?", "description": "Three weeks ago, I was hospitalized due to a severe adverse reaction to Prozac (10mg/day). I took it for six days before I went to the ER, and those days were probably the worst of my life. I was going in and out of catatonia for hours, my heart rate was constantly above 110 bmp, insomnia, constant nightmares, severe constant panic attacks for days, and obsessive self-loathing thoughts; these were all symptoms I never had before. [I wrote about my experience in more detail before.](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/72eank/how_less_than_a_week_on_prozac_sent_me_to_the/)\n\nOnce I was hospitalized and taken off Prozac, I was prescribed Remeron (15mg/day) and Klonopin (.25mg 2-3x/week). The first week I felt nearly back to normal, but these last two weeks my depression has never been worse. The anxiety is bad too, but the depression is all consuming and it's an immense struggle to function even at the lowest level (washing my face, brushing teeth, going to bed, etc.). I don't know what has happened to me and I'm scared the Prozac could have caused permanent damage because I was never in such bad shape before.\n\nI'd really appreciate some answers because it's nearly impossible living this way. (I am seeing a therapist btw, and told them this too).\n\n* Age: 23\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'3\"\n* Weight: 100 lbs.\n* Duration of complaint: 2 weeks", "answer": "Quick question from your original post - you describe it an an anxiety induced mania? Is that how your psychiatrist described it?\n\nAlso - your hospital experience is horrendous, albeit confined to the USA. Not UK policy or practice by a long shot, to reassure any British readers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75hly8", "comment_id": "do6h1l8"}, {"question": "Sleeping with someone else after 'breaking up' with someone you weren't technically with", "description": "Okay, so I don't know if this is the correct subreddit to post this in but here goes. \n\nThe other week the guy I was speaking to/seeing privately decided he didn't want to speak to me anymore. Am I wrong for going and having a one night stand that night, very soon after? \n\nAnd if I am wrong, is it justified that I receive messages from his friend called me a slag and such terms? \n\nI feel everyone has different opinions on relationships, seeing each other and sex so I just wanted to see what others out there feel about this as I'm not able to talk to my friends, he didn't want people to know. ", "answer": "if you're not in a committed mono rel. u can do whatever you want ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssgng", "comment_id": "ddhjn52"}, {"question": "Asking advice for weaning off Benzos, will I feel emotions normally again?", "description": "I took lorazepam for a while, accidentally got addicted...made the mental choice to stop because my emotions didn't feel the same. I was completely numb, adrenaline suppressed. Asked to switch, got put on another benzo, clonazepam. Been weaning off for a couple months. I'm down to a half of a .5  pill  a day. Going off the pill entirely my body gets very anxious. Can I comfortably wean off this stuff? I figured going from half to nothing would work. More importantly, will my emotions/neurotransmitters allow me to actually have feelings again? I went on a bunch of roller coasters yesterday, I didn't experience it like I did pre-benzo. Falling in love, taking in the scenery, nothing feels the same, or much like anything. Anyone else have success stories with regulating how they experience feelings after getting off this stuff? ", "answer": "Benzo withdrawals can be dangerous. Consult your doctor. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1hmt9t", "comment_id": "caw5p8u"}, {"question": "Desperate for answers.", "description": "I posted this on /r/depression but I didn't get many answers to my question. Anyway, here it is:\n\nI've always known that there's something tangibly 'wrong' with me: I never had any close friends; I was always bullied at school; have never been intelligent or 'driven'; and used to have detailed fantasies about killing people and rampaging with light-machine guns and such stuff. Lately though, as I've become a true adult, life has become impossible - I can't stress this enough.\n\nDue to the stress of not being able to fit in at work or being able to have relationships with people I've started having voices in my head. Now these voices aren't audible; they are more like intrusive thoughts that pop up very aggressively, usually when something bad happens or I've failed at something (I fail everything I ever do).\n\nThese voices tell me weird shit like \"God spits in your face\", \"You are a waste of everyone's time\", \"Kill yourself, you stupid cunt\", \"Hurry up and end yourself\". I don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel or show very little emotion and people at work have always joked that I'm a good candidate for a serial killer (a guy at my last job used to call me 'Bundy'). I enjoy self-harming to relieve stress.\n\nI'm an incredibly slow, lackadaisical person and have been likened to sloth or a zombie; I feel very narcoleptic and depressed very often but have times where also I'm annoying and hyperactive and get on people's nerves. People call me a mixture of things like \"calm\", \"laid-back\" but usually it's negative things like \"retard\", \"idiot\".\n\nI've never been diagnosed with anything, but I'm starting to worry that I might have to kill myself because I can't fit in or have a life worth living. I thought I had autism a few years ago but I can be very good socially, but I don't feel like a human being - more like an outsider or a visual replica of a human.\n\nDoes anyone recognise these symptoms, or am I alone?\n\nThanks :)", "answer": "What you describe could possibly be symptomatic of a few different mental illnesses. Depending on what else is going on in your life it could be anything from Major Depression with Psychotic features to Borderline Personality Disorder. Your best bet is to seek out a mental health provider in your area to get an accurate diagnosis as well as help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1shida", "comment_id": "cdxqwjp"}, {"question": "Terrified of turning 21", "description": "I turn 21 next week, and I\u2019m so freaked out by it. I love celebrating my birthday, but I don\u2019t want to get any older. If anything, I want to be a teenager again and relive those years over and over and over again. I\u2019m not even old, but it still freaks me out. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with this?", "answer": "Dude as someone who is turning 31 next month, the 20s sucked. Being a teen sucked. I'm actually better able to control my emotions and reactions, I am more responsible, and more independent. I never want to go back to that. My life continues to get better", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bjyh5j", "comment_id": "emcls6z"}, {"question": "I thought I was doing better", "description": "So I was recently diagnosed at 20 years old with ADHD and a bunch of other things. I got put on Zoloft about 2 months ago and Abilify 2 weeks ago. I thought I was doing much better when it came to being more social with people and managing my symptoms when it comes to ADHD. I\u2019m a hockey player and I wasn\u2019t really able to play when I first started Zoloft while getting used to it but I was quickly able to get back into things, until today.\n\nMy coach decide to a check to make sure we have everything we need daily, warned us in advance and gave us a list of things he\u2019ll be checking for and if we don\u2019t have everything, we\u2019ll get sent home. I was so focused on getting everything that I forgot my binder, which has all of our plays and team culture written in, the most important thing. So of course I got sent home from practice.\n\nI\u2019m tired of forgetting things all of the time and tired of thinking I\u2019m doing better when in the end I\u2019m just not. How do i not feel like a total failure of a person? Why of all 30 people on this team it has to be me, a third year veteran who should be able to do these simple things? \n\n", "answer": "Zoloft and Abilify are both good meds... for the right problems. They may not be the right meds for you, particularly since they are not for ADHD specifically (Zoloft is an SSRI antidepressant and Abilify is an atypical antipsychotic often prescribed for purposes of mood stabilization and is sometimes used in treatment of ADHD). Have you talked to your doctor about meds specifically for ADHD? There are non-stimulant options available if that\u2019s a concern for you. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aioj0u", "comment_id": "eep8xyh"}, {"question": "Need relationship advice", "description": "Me [24]and my gf [22] have been together for almost two years. At first she was ok with me jerking off to porn, eventually she told me that it bugged her and she understands that I only do it to help me fall asleep or when she is not in the mood. But it still bugs her. She has told me the reason it bugged her was because it made her feel a bit insecure about herself. And it also reminded her of how her father use to watch movies or show just to see sex scenes and it would bring up bad memories. ", "answer": "Porn is a tricky topic because it involves personal values AND it may or may not have anything to do with the relationship one is in.\nif you're not ok with porn as an activity, then the rel. won't work unless he feels similarly.\nif you are ok with porn from a values perspective, the next question is; is porn preferable to being with one's SO? if the answer is yes, that individual needs therapy.\nif you are ok with porn as an activity, and someone is involved with porn in a way that does not interfere with the relationship at all, then it shouldn't be a problem. the way playing a lot of golf may or may not interfere with quality time with a SO.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62a3uw", "comment_id": "dfkzls2"}, {"question": "D&d club", "description": "People who have a d&d club at school, what are the rules? I am trying to start one at my school", "answer": "You will probably need a teacher or other staff member to be a sponsor for it. I would ask your teachers to see if anyone is interested and they can tell you how it would work at your school.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d310a0", "comment_id": "ezyaxx2"}, {"question": "Metoprolol succinate 12.5", "description": "25 yo female taking 12.5 mg once daily for palpitations. I was on 25mg up until October when my doctor allowed me to cut my dose in half. Over the past few months I have been experiencing weight gain, hair loss, and general fatigue. Are these normal side effects?\n\nI am thinking of stopping metoprolol but I know quitting cold turkey is usually not recommended. Is 12.5mg a small enough dose where quitting cod turkey would be ok? ", "answer": "Fatigue and lowered mood are possible side effects. Weight gain would be unusual, and hair loss extremely so. What you're describing could be an endocrine problem like hypothyroidism. Has that been tested?\n\n12.5 mg is half a tablet, right? That's the lowest dose, and almost certainty safe to discontinue. It would be hard to find a lower dose to take without special formulation by a compounding pharmacy!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a264k", "comment_id": "dwvagbb"}, {"question": "Girlfriend pushes me away when in leave", "description": "This is a really long story but bare with me, Ive never asked a question on reddit but I got nobody else to ask so ill give it a shot. I had been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, we met shortly before i left for university in another city so we kinda just left things open, but still kept in close touch while i was gone.  As we talked more, and i came back for vacations, and she even came to visit me a couple times, we fell in love with each other and now i cant picture my life without her. after every time i saw her, we'd get more sad to see each other leave.  Even though we agreed to kept things open for the months i was gone, we both never slept with anyone (me because im a loser and i have no chance with anyone anyway), because we were so in love with each other, even tho she could have many times.  But the last week or two of me being gone, she slept with like 3 different guys.  Even tho we both agreed to be open, i didn't expect to fall for her like i did, and if she wanted to have sex with other guys, she couId have done it throughout the year, not all in the week before i get back. So that really bothered me.  I think it has something to do with her missing intimacy with someone she loves to the point where she just fills the void with whoever she wants (shes SUPER hot and could literally have any guy she wants).  Anyway now that im back for the summer weve gotten so close, but she insists that when i leave, we keep things open cause she cant handle it.  Everytime were away from eachother (even for a day), we fight over something stupid cause she gets upset at me cause she wants to be next to me.  I know for a fact that when i leave, shes gonna fuck as many guys as she can cause she hates the feeling of being alone and i dont like it. Idk if that all made sense but thats the situation im in,  i really love her and i dont want our relationship to end, but i know she wont be able to handle me being away for so long so she'll basically push me away and \"force\" me to break up with her by acting like a slut and picking fights with me.  I dont understand why thats her reaction to me being gone.  Anyway any help would be appreciated as to what i should do, or how i should handle this. Ask questions if u don't understand or i left something out, cause i know its hella complicated.  Thanks to everyone!\n\nUpdate: thanks to everyone for the advice, i think a lot of what makes me so upset is i dont really do anything with girls when im away, so its kinda like her doing all this stuff, and im just sitting at home waiting for her to text me (full if jealousy). I guess me not doing anything is a whole other problem in itself but i thought id share that.", "answer": "Your \"girlfriend\" is actually being really honest and respectful with you here. She's not hiding the fact that she can't deal with the loneliness with anything other than sex. She's let you know up front that she's going to be with other guys if you're not there. Loneliness can be such an incredibly overwhelming emotion that people will do just about anything to feel a little relief from it. \n\nYou have to decide if you're willing to live like this. Her needs and fears aren't going to change, and honestly, they don't have to. You also have to remember that the closer she feels to you the MORE loneliness she feels when you're not there. So, she's constantly having to battle pushing you away in order to minimize the feelings for you vs. getting closer and risking hurting you. She's in a no-win scenario here in her mind.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6et6ql", "comment_id": "did3kxr"}, {"question": "Scared of constant suicidal thoughts", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Yep! I was thinking this same thing today haha. I laugh because that's all you can do really. Keep fighting the good fight ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8dzwzn", "comment_id": "dxrakoq"}, {"question": "Saturday Shares!", "description": "Starting again!\n\nSpots available every Saturday. We had a lot of no shows last string, which sort of sucks, because I think they are really powerful.\n\nSaturday March 23rd: [AFunnyName](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1av3x4/saturday_sharemarch_23_2013/)\n\nSaturday March 30th: [CalgaryRichard](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1bbr6t/saturday_share/)\n\nSaturday April 6th: [futurestorms](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1btgwz/saturday_share/)\n\nSaturday April 13th: [Slipacre Part 1](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1c9hj8/saturday_share_part_1_going_down/) [Part 2](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1c9hrb/saturday_share_part_two_recovery/)\n\nSaturday April 20th: [WIAVSM](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1cqw2o/saturday_share_wiavsm/)\n\nSaturday April 27th: [sgreenha](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1d8bw9/saturday_share_427/)\n\nSaturday May 4th: [TheLastGallifreyan](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1dma52/saturday_share_4_may/)\n\nSaturday May 11th: chinopkt\n\nSaturday May 18th: VA_Mom\n\nSaturday May 25th: juliand89\n\nSaturday June 1st: mountainfail\n\nSaturday June 8th: coleomegilla\n\nSaturday June 15th: [spaceman_37](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1ge2zn/saturday_share_wall_of_text/)\n\nSaturday June 22nd: [thats_quite_enough](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1gv3un/saturday_share/)\n\nSaturday June 29th: [missfestival](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1hb5cd/saturday_share_62913_missfestival/)\n\nSaturday July 6th: Kaysuhdiller\n\nSaturday July 13th:\n\nSaturday July 20th: flavorraven\n\nSaturday July 27th:\n\n\nThat's it for now. Sign up and commit!\n\n\nWe are also asking that the person doing their share to message whoever signed up to do the next share. With all our responsibilities it's tough to remember all the commitments we make. So help everyone out and send a friendly reminder!\n\n\n", "answer": "What's the requirement? If I meet it I'll take this Saturday(the 23rd).", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1as5t8", "comment_id": "c90aelj"}, {"question": "I'm a 24 F who lives with a 24M. Does anyone have experience breaking up with someone they live with?", "description": "Hey guys. I've been dating my bf for 4 years, lived with him for 1. In the past couple months I've come to the really painful decision of realizing I need to break up with him. \n\nI love him a lot, but he has been casually rude/mean to me on a regular basis for the last year or so. Anytime I bring it up he acts like it's just my perception of things, he doesn't need to change his behavior, and I need to just deal with my feelings. It's been making me feel crazy for a while, and I'm sick of living like this. I've tried to talk to him about it seriously several times, but he always blows me off/doesn't take me seriously. I don't think he's ever going to change, to the point I doubt he's going to take me seriously initially  when I break up with him.\n\nHowever, several things. I've never broken up with anyone before, we live together, and we just got a new roommate a week ago. It's bad timing, but I don't really want to stay in this situation longer for it to be good timing. I've picked a weekend two weeks from now to do it because he's got a rough week at work this week/weekend, and I don't want to do it during the week so he's stuck going to work right after a breakup.\n\n We've vaguely talked about this possibility in the past. Since my name is on the lease our agreement was that he'd take 30 days to move out, regardless of who broke up with who. I'm willing to give him longer if he needs it. But since I've never done this before, is there anything else I should watch out for besides general shittiness/heartbreak on everyone's part?\n\nTL;DR Have you broken up with a partner you lived with? What did you wish you could tell yourself about the experience before doing it?", "answer": "I was in a very similar situation several years ago: dated for 5 years, lived together for about 2, and once the relationship was tanking he said he'd move out, as I was also the primary person on the lease and all the furniture was mine, in a relatively big apartment. He was also rude and dismissive.\n\nBut when I made the call to end it, he wasn't particularly interested in leaving. Most likely because I was making the final call, not him. He initially wanted to still live there as just a roommate, but after a week it was clearly a terrible idea. I had to maintain a very calm, polite, but somewhat cold approach and keep re-iterating that he needed to move out. We talked about how I could move out instead, sort of, but we both knew that didn't make sense. He would have had nothing in a huge empty apartment, and didn't really have the means to fill it with furniture immediately. There were lots of awkward discussions. It was stressful. Eventually he left. There was arguing over stuff, even though it seemed like all our belongings were clearly his or hers. I let him take stuff I should not have, just to get him out, not sure if that was better or stupid.\n\nEveryone reacts differently to a break-up, but I think your best approach is to be calm but very very firm on your boundaries. Set a plan and stick to it. GOOD LUCK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3ji1qb", "comment_id": "cupgn4t"}, {"question": "In a tough spot with Kaiser...looking for second opinion or advice", "description": "Good Morning all! I will try to make this as concise as possible. \n\nI was diagnosed it a 3mm pituitary microadenoma almost exactly one year ago. It was found after I went to an OBGYN for some issues I was having with sudden weight gain, cystic acne, and irregular and painful periods. They diagnosed me with PCOS and sent me to the lab for some blood work. I had 3 blood tests in a row come back with high prolactin levels. They send me to an endocrinologist who ran some additional tests and sent me to get an MRI where they found the tumor initially. \n\nI changed birth controls at my OBGYN's guidance right around this time to help better manage my PCOS symptoms. As soon as I changed birth controls my monthly Prolactin levels were back to low-normal levels. \n\nFast forward to a few weeks ago, I went for my follow up yearly MRI and they sent me the following notes from my MRI:\n\nINDICATION: Follow-up pituitary adenoma\n\nCOMPARISON: 7/24/2017\n\nTECHNIQUE: Multiplanar, multisequence MRI of the brain and pituitary\n\nwere performed before and after the intravenous administration of 7.5\n\nMILLILITER GADAVISTV1. \n\nFindings:\n\nOn today's exam, there is an area of hypoenhancement in the right\n\naspect of the pituitary measuring 5 mm concerning for a microadenoma.\n\nThe area of hypoenhancement in the left aspect of the pituitary is not\n\nseen. Infundibulum is midline. No mass effect on the optic nerves or\n\noptic chiasm. Cavernous sinuses are normal.\n\nThe brain is normal in signal intensity and morphology. No mass lesion\n\nor abnormal enhancement is identified. The ventricles, sulci, and\n\ncisterns are age-appropriate in size and configuration. The major\n\nintracranial flow voids appear intact.\n\nIMPRESSION: \n\nArea of hypoenhancement measuring 5 mm in the right aspect of the\n\npituitary concerning for microadenoma\n\nAfter this my Endocrinologist had me do a blood cortisol test which came back high. They also ordered an ACTH test, another blood cortisol test, and I did a 24 hour urine test for cortisol. I am still waiting on the results for these.\n\nI have Kaiser, so it has been incredibly difficult to get quality time to talk this over with my endocrinologist and I feel like I just want a second opinion but Kaiser makes it incredibly difficult to do this. Even getting my medical records has been a struggle that I am still working through. \n\nMy main concern is in the findings from the MRI they say it is \"concerning for a microadenoma\" but my doctor doesn't really seem that concerned.  Is this wording common for MRI findings--what does \"concerning\" mean in this context?\n\nIf it helps I am 27 years old. I do have some symptoms that have started in the past two months that are strange such as frequent headaches and has become really incredibly difficult to lose weight even while eating relatively healthy and tracking my nutrition. I am slightly overweight at 169 and 5 ft 7. I have also been having some issues with my blood sugar levels, even though I eat a lower carb diet (try to stick under 70-80g/ day).\n\nSorry--I know this is a lot to read! I am really just looking for any advice or words of wisdom with dealing with issues with the pituitary.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated I have been quite worried about all of these tests and just want to make sure that I make the best decision for my health. \n\nThanks for taking the time to read this!\n\nTLDR; Growing pituitary microadenoma; Doctor seems unconcerned. Kaiser makes it difficult to feel taken care of. Advice wanted.", "answer": "\"Concerning for X\" means that the imaging shows a result likely to be X, not that X is necessarily cause for a high level of concern. The joke in medicine is that radiologists never outright state anything. What they see is   \n\"consistent with X,\" \"concerning for Y\" and \"possible Z,\" and they recommend \"clinical correlation\" by the initial doctor.\n\nIt sounds like there are still results pending, and after that you should have a follow-up with the endocrinologist to discuss best next steps. The management might be surgical and might not be, but it doesn't sound as though it's something highly urgent.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97ssi4", "comment_id": "e4aq1oj"}, {"question": "I (21F) am considering breaking up with (30M) partner", "description": "Posting on a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my reddit username. So my current boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years and its the first serious relationship for both of us. When I first became interested in him there were a lot of things about him that worried me- he had been in the same dead end job for a decade because he hasn't finished uni, still was living at home and smoked a lot of weed (I have nothing against it but I think it can definitely affect you if you're smoking it every day). In spite of this he had a wonderful personality- very sweet, sensitive, respectful, generous and a true gentleman which is really hard to come across these days. In the 1st year/year and a half of our relationship he finally quit his job and found a good one working in the field he's studying and cut down drastically on how much weed he was smoking- I was super proud of him because I never asked or pressured him to do any of this and it seemed like our relationship had inspired him to make changes. Unfortunately in the last 6 months things have gone downhill. I've noticed how short tempered and impatient he can be with his family as a result of being quite spoilt his whole life (he's often like a bratty kid) and how extremely negative his outlook on life is. It's gotten progressively worse to the point where being around him is draining. In addition to this I'm getting extremely frustrated by the fact he's still living at home with his mother doing his washing, ironing and cooking with no foreseeable plans to become an adult and move out. It just doesn't seem right that even with our 9 year age gap I'm a lot more mature than he is. I've tried to have serious chats with him about all this but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. I still love him very much and want it to work but I'm scared of wasting my early 20s in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Should I lay it on the line and give him a certain amount of time to get his shit together or just end it now?\n\n\n**TL;DR - boyfriend is a nice person but immature and still living at home, not sure whether to give him another chance or end it**", "answer": "I would talk to him about very specific things you're concerned about and need for him to change.  If he doesn't/won't/can't change, you have a big decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qavet", "comment_id": "dcxq0ny"}, {"question": "Can anyone suggest any adhd-friendly productivity or self-care hacks?", "description": "I always lose my glasses so I bought three pairs. Now, when one is misplaced, I immediately find one of the others and can proceed to get to work on time. Buying more pairs of glasses has done wonders for the time it takes for me to leave the house and for my over all mental health as I dont stress as much looking for my one missing pair all over again. Pricey, but I have adjusted to myself. \n\nCan anyone else suggest any similar adjustments youve made for your condition that may be helpful?", "answer": "Putting certain things in exactly the same place every single times. E.g. my work ID does not leave my bag front pocket unless it is clipped the fuck on my pants. As someone else has said, a key that NEVER goes inside, it is in my hand or where it lives.\n\nIf I can do it within 5 minutes, I do it right now. I open a bill at the front door, I pay the bill at the front door, even if my daughter has to wait for me to do it.\n\nI'm currently trying the \"don't put it down, put it away\" but really struggling with that.\n\nOk Google is my best friend. \"Ok Google remind me at 8pm to do the online shopping.\"", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bt7m8u", "comment_id": "eoz7q58"}, {"question": "I'm not the only one who doesn't like to date/have sex with people unless I really like them, right?", "description": "I am not into hook up culture at all. I like romance, not overly schmoopy, but I like the emotional connection. I can't just like anyone. I am not the only one like that right? It sometimes feels like that.", "answer": "I hate hookup culture mostly due to the fact that people blur the lines of consent because it's just a part of the culture. :|", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "3nnd0p", "comment_id": "cvptxg5"}, {"question": "im so confused..", "description": "I\u2019d been seeing this guy for a few months, things were amazing, we had been staying with each other a very large amount of time. Small back story, we met at a music event and instantly vibed together. Over the next few months he was the sweetest most loving boy I\u2019ve ever been with. He let me be my own person, did not ever get verbally abusive with me, nada. Well last night we got into a huge fight and I just shut down (a bad habit of mine) and it seemed like he just snapped because I would not let him in. He flipped the couch that I was trying to sleep on & then flipped it on top of me. I proceeded to stand up, very confused and he quickly made his way to me and picked me up and pressed me against the wall, screaming at me. I reverted to a passive mode because that was the only logical thing I thought to do for my own safety. I had to coddle him for the next hour because I was afraid he would rage out again. He left within the next two hours. So my question is, in your best thoughts/idea, what happened? Will he do this again? Technically we didn\u2019t break up but there has been no contact since. Is there any chance it was a one time thing or should I get out for good? I still have very strong feelings, but I have always promised myself I would never let a man lay his hands on me.. and this one did.", "answer": "I'm so sorry you went through that. Nothing justifies his reaction. He needs help to accept he has no right to treat his partners that way and you need safety. What you both need may not be possible to obtain within this relationship. \n\nYou value your physical and emotional safety. Consider how staying will impact your alignment to your values. What other values are you willing to be out of alignment with? \n\nWhether you choose to stay or go, I highly recommend you connect with a domestic violence counselor to help you process this incident and the impact this relationship has on your well-being. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233.  They can help you find a local DV counselor and can also help you find shelter if you are in danger. Know that you are strong, deserving of love and not at fault for what he did.", "topic": "domesticviolence", "post_id": "gc1fa3", "comment_id": "fp8s9q0"}, {"question": "Prescription translation", "description": "Hello, so I know this is for restoril, but I'm wondering what's written under it and what it means. See link below! Thank you :)\n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/fse0v", "answer": "Quick question (sorry for hijacking the thread) - isn't there regulations in the US regarding prescriptions? Most of mine are electronically printed, but when I do write scripts I always use block capitals and no abbreviations. Honestly, im not sure any pharmacy in the UK would accept this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6emwan", "comment_id": "dibu4u2"}, {"question": "This subreddit is legitimately overwhelming at times", "description": "Just sorting by new is enough to hurt my heart. So many hurt people asking for help with no responses. Over 125,000 subs, yet most seem to have either have given up or just dont care to frequent this sub. It's hard to think up of stuff to say, in fear that you might hurt someone.\n\nI legitimately hope everyone here lives a better life. <3", "answer": "Im just here to help as I do as a professional face to face to people. Still, this stuff is heavy and really helping someone requires energy, of which I have a limited amount.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b4kstf", "comment_id": "ej7nsne"}, {"question": "Not feeling life whatsoever today....", "description": "That is all", "answer": "This was me on Tuesday, and it definitely was not a new feeling!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97nrly", "comment_id": "e4a2q9m"}, {"question": "Meeting the girl for the first time tommorow... How to not act stupid and awkward?", "description": "So yesterday, i was bored and it was 2am. One girl posted her ask.fm link and because we both love the same music style (classic rock, fuck yeah) i started asking her questions about bands etc.\n\n\nWe were texting for the whole night, we ended up saying goodbye to eachother at 5am. I refused to text her on facebook, because i hate meeting people on this stupid site, i prefer meeting people, especially girls in real life, because i had a lot more success with them irl than on facebook.\n\n\nAnyway, looks like we'll go to the same concert this saturday and she said that I need to immediatly talk to her if i see her there. I'm still new at meeting girls since i never had self confidence but since hitting the gym, my mentality changed and so did my confidence. I'm looking for tips on how to approach to this girl without being goofy and awkward at all. I'm also looking for more than friendship, so maybe any flirting tips? \n\n\nThanks.", "answer": "The best way to act stupid and awkward is to worry about acting stupid and awkward.   Relax, take a few deep breathes and remember.  The worst case scenario is that she doesn't like you.   That's about as bad as it gets.   It doesn't feel great, but it's not going to ruin your life.   \n\nAlso, no matter what happens you will learn something from this and it will help you in the future.   So even if it doesn't go great, the next time will be better.  \n\nSo just take it easy, focus on getting to know her and enjoy her company.   Oh and she's probably just as nervous as you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3gyn5c", "comment_id": "cu2sfvn"}, {"question": "Could there be an underlying cause for my symptoms?", "description": "Good afternoon fellow redditors!\nI'm hoping that someone could shed some light or give me advice regarding symptoms I've been experiencing and if there may be an underlying cause responsible for them or if they are multiple issues. I recently went to a new doctor and she ordered several tests that I am waiting for, but a few I've already received the results for. Would like to ask more educated questions and request specific tests based in what may be causing my problems. \n\n\n\nMain issue that's bogging me down: fatigue. I am tired regardless if I sleep or don't sleep, if I sleep well or sleep poorly, if I sit on my butt and do nothing or have a really active day. To make a tech analogy, I feel like a phone with a battery that doesn't fully charge and then depletes way too quickly. This has been happening for about 1.5 years and is getting noticeably worse. \n\n\n\nOther big issue: recurring infections. Since the summer of 2015, I keep getting sinus or sinus related infections. My most recent sinus infection happened in mid November, which then progressed into an ear infection in December.  I took 3 rounds of oral antibiotics and 1 ear drop medication and my ear didn't start feeling better until earlier this month (February). The ear infection is still not 100% gone, but it seems to finally be healing.  My ear is now itchy instead of painful and I only have minimal discharge compared to the constant, heavy discharge of fluid I had before. I went to an ENT specialist and he said my sinuses look great and he suggested I investigate the possibility of immune/autoimmune problems if my sinus and ear problems persist. \n\n\n\n\nI have no idea if this is relevant or indicative of anything, but I have noticed black lines on my fingernails recently. They are very thin, black or dark brown perhaps, and vertical. I also have a very large brown/black spot on my right big toe that looks like I hit myself with a hammer or something, but I don't recall hitting my toe on anything. It is different from the lines on my fingernails as it is much, much larger and not in thin, vertical stripes. Can this be a sign of anything? Most Google results for nail related problems link to beauty blogs... \n\n\n\n\nOther things that might be worth mentioning:\nI just had multiple thyroid tests done and while my TSH and T4 were normal, I had an abnormal results for thyroid antibodies. The results showed a normal range of 0-9 but my results was just below 1,600. I have a long family history of hypo and hyper thyroidism in my family. \n\n\n\n\nMy white blood cell count is always slightly low. As part of my annual physical, I have gotten a basic blood tests.  The normal range on the report is listed as 3.8 to 10.8 and in 2015 I was at 3.7, in 2016 I was at 3.6 and this year I wound up right at 3.8. \n\n\n\n\nI have normal iron levels, normal iron bindiding capacity but low ferritin levels per my latest blood test. \n\n\n\nI have a family history of thyroid problems, and heart disease and my father has diabetes as well as psoriatic arthritis  although he is the only person in my extended and immediate  family that has or has ever had diabetes and psoriatic arthritis while the thyroid and heart issues are wide spread in my extended family. \nI personally have no history of any medical problems other than eczema when I was a child. Unfortunately I do not recall the specific type but I remember that it was a fairly uncommon type of eczema most common in prepubescent kids. \n\n\nThank you for the input! \n", "answer": "Some demographics (age/sex/location/etc)?\n\nAlso - how is your day typically structured? Do you work?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vehpt", "comment_id": "de1hcpf"}, {"question": "So my therapist invalidated me today? Am I wrong about this?", "description": "TW all the way, you can skip and read the tl;dr here:\n\ntl;dr: I have sexual triggers but no memory of a sexual trauma. My therapist told me the triggers might come from my childhood trauma. Now I don't know how to feel. Is this common?\n\nSo I have those triggers like\n\n* going to the obgyn\n\n* having sex\n\n* mention of sexual assault and the like, in RL or tv ect.\n\n* being in a (public) situation that may or may not result in me being assaulted, e.g. speaking to a stranger/ walking alone alongside stranger(s). My thoughts just spiral till I am convinced they want to assault me.\n\nThat results always in panic/ distress and can result in heavy panic attacks/ disassociation.\n\nFurthermore I sometimes feel the urge to get rid of my sexual organs, like ripping them out of me because they feel rotten and disgusting and I feel like carrying a dead weight.\n\nI do struggle with urges of self harm too, because I feel the need to \"cut it out\", don't know what it is, but it doesn't belong there and I just feel it. This one may be related to another trauma tho.\n\nI do not have a memory of being r*** before but minor assaults. I do not remember 60% of my life.\n\nI told her My triggers and she asked about my family and there was a lot \"only\" verbal and psychological abuse, so I just never linked it together because I have other triggers too that \"fit\" childhood trauma \"better\".\n\nMy therapist told me that my \"sexual triggers\" might come from my childhood trauma.\n\nAnd I just... I can't breathe. I feel so invalidated and I just wanted to ask are there people having \"sexual triggers\" from verbal/psychological abuse? As I have no clear memory of a distinct event I'm not bound to the idea there *has* to be something that happened I don't remember.\n\nBut as a part of working on myself I tried to understand my triggers and separate them between 3 traumas, and one was the possible sexual trauma.\n\nI don't know how to feel about this and I think I need help. Does someone have triggers that don't really match their trauma? Is this common?", "answer": "Where there's smoke, there's fire, as the saying goes. The ambiguous facts would seem to point to past rape or sexual assault experience. However, you dissociate, and do not recall any such experience, and in the absence of such memory it isn't clear that it must have occurred; It is at least possible that there is some other explanation, though personally I find that rather implausible. A cautious therapist might be concerned about giving you ideas that can't be proven, or even participating in the generation of false memories. In my experience, however, what you are describing is overwhelmingly likely to be post traumatic stress secondary to sexual abuse you do not remember due to the dissociation. Verbal and physical, non-sexual abuse does not produce the sort of symptoms you describe.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "ewmv6o", "comment_id": "fg37vfa"}, {"question": "First time session - therapist talked about their life coaching program and their essential oils side business (red flag? or am I just paranoid?or biased?)", "description": "I saw a licensed therapist for the first time today and I have doubts about seeing her again, I'd like your unbiased perspective. I am a crisis counselor (unlicensed, we are supervised by a licensed therapist) and feel my work might be impacting my views.\n\nOn my intake I had expressed my feelings of being stuck,being overwhelmed, lacking motivation and wanted to be more assertive and be able to feel better and figure out what I wanted out of life. I've recently been crying at work for 3 days on a row and that is highly abnormal for me - therefore I sought help , because I was concerned this could be depression and want to get a handle on it BEFORE it gets really bad.\n\nThe therapist was nice and personable and had some good insights and questions that made me reflect and be introspective. However, in the middle of the session they pointed me to their life coaching website which she showed me on her computer, and her self-guided program for \"women like me\" and went on to explain for a few minutes why they had it. It seemed interesting, but that is not what I came to a therapist for. I lack motivation, a self-guided program won't give me the accountability I desire from therapy.\n\nWhile I was on her computer, she had her doTerra website on another tab (this is relevant later). If you aren't familiar with doTerra they are an MLM scheme ([r/antimlm](https://www.reddit.com/r/antimlm/)) and are very predatory. I have no issue with essential oil use at all - I have an issue with the company and its tactics.\n\nTherapist continues to state I should make more friends organically, and she happens to host events for women to meet other women in a safe space at catered events she throws, she charges for attendance of course, but she has them every week and the first event is \"Essential oils 101\" and how she is making a huge push into essential oils now, which I'll assume are doTerra.\n\nThat is how we ended the session. She made some great points, but I cannot help but feel like a cash grab for some reason. As a crisis counselor we do not even suggest support groups in the first sessions because we want to make sure people are at a mental state to do it. I don't see how a Essential Oils event will help me, if it was a skill building thing related to my issues, great! this does not seem like it.\n\nAm I biased because of my career? or?", "answer": "Very weird , definitely red flag. Totally inappropriate to use her influence to sell stuff ! \n\nI am curious what type of license she has, may be a direct violation .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fayd68", "comment_id": "fj187q8"}, {"question": "Coming off BC after 10+ years", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I felt so much better off the pill. I had some increased shedding but a good volume if not all grew back. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "a9zz9k", "comment_id": "ecocs1g"}, {"question": "Question about breakdowns and stress", "description": "Hey guys,\n\n​\n\nLast spring, I had a breakdown, there was just a lot of stress. I seemed to manage everything in my life pretty well, but had my first breakup and for some reason that just made me not able to handle any stress. It affected every part of my life.\n\n​\n\nI've taken a break from school and what I normally did, didn't really know what else to do, but did find a job and explored a new hobby during my time off. I don't know if my life needs to change completely though, before this breakdown I was a pretty disciplined hard worker. I liked to work hard and play hard. I usually would lift weights for strength training and my schoolwork was engineering and required good time management/focus on my part, but I got it done. I studied in groups, hung out with people outside of schoolwork, and felt like a pretty healthy picture of a person.\n\n​\n\nNow, these things seem a bit out of reach still. I don't seem to handle stress as well as I could in the past and it shows because I don't really live the life I used to. It certainly is depressing/anxiety inducing which is one thing I'm working through. I am struggling though because I'm not sure what goals I should postpone or restructure. I don't want to have another breakdown because of stress. What advice do you guys have for being afraid of another breakdown I guess? I think I'm also afraid I won't ever be my old self.", "answer": "Well.... it may help to think about it this way or not.  You're never going to be your old self for better or worse.  Every single day, every single new experience, every single new choice, you become someone who's different than the person before.  \n\n\nAs far as goals go, focus on what you want to work towards.  If you have another breakdown, you have another break down.  At least this time as the new person you are you can have the confidence that it's happened before and you were able to bounce back, so you'll be able to bounce back again if it happens in the future.  Given that you've probably learned some things and acquired some new skills along the way, a future break down probably wouldn't even be as bad as the first.  \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "aqyhe0", "comment_id": "egjhzv7"}, {"question": "Is this a normal taper schedule for Zoloft?", "description": "Age 24\nSex F\nHeight 5\u2019\nWeight 100lb\nRace White\nDuration of complaint N/A\nLocation (Geographic and on body) New England, USA\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) Anxiety\nCurrent medications (if any) Zoloft (see below)\n\nAfter careful consideration and discussion with my doctor I have decided to taper off of Zoloft. I have been on 100 mg daily since I was 14. I tapered from 100 to 75 and 75 to 25 by just switching from one dose to the next and then waiting about a month before taking the next step down. I had no discontinuation symptoms whatsoever during this stage. For the jump from 25 to 0 by doctor gave me a somewhat convoluted schedule where she wants me to take it every other day for two weeks then every three days for a week and then for some reason wait two days and then take one last pill. \n\nI\u2019ve done quite a bit of research online and spoken to people I know who have tapered off of SSRIs and I haven\u2019t seen any evidence for a tapering schedule like this. It feels to me like I\u2019m just messing my brain up by taking the medicine away and reintroducing it and then taking it away again over and over again. A week in and I\u2019m starting to have discontinuation symptoms- dizziness, brain zaps, and headaches. \n\nAnyways, my question is does anyone know if there is actually reason behind tapering this way? Is there proper research and evidence for this? Should I get a second opinion?", "answer": "There isn't much in the way of good data for SSRI tapers, period. Zoloft isn't entirely out of your system after one or two days, so there's some reasoning behind taking it on alternate days, but why not take 12.5 mg instead? If you really want a slower taper, you could use the liquid form and decrease by as little as you want at any interval.\n\nYou could get a second opinion and find someone who would encourage doing it differently, but again, there's not a lot of strong evidence. You'd find people to say that it's best to do it slower. You'd also find doctors who would (wrongly, in my opinion) say that it should just be a few days and done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl4w43", "comment_id": "emm06r2"}, {"question": "Cough Medicine (for children as an adult) and other meds like Advil/Tylenol.", "description": "24, Male, 5'8\", 182, White, 2 days after the sore throat (4 days in total), throat & head (left temple), \"diagnosed\" w/ Cluster Headaches (left temple), taken 2 Ex Strength Tylenol tablets.\n\nHaving a super bad cough (had some bad strep throat (hard to sallow) for the last two days but it's gone) and my cluster headache is acting up (as usual during the night.)\n\nMy question is, as an adult, what dosage do I need for Children's Triacting Night Time Cold & Cough (cause I bought the wrong formula Ig) as I'm sure taking the kids amount won't be all that helpful.\n\nAlso, will it affect or be affected by Advil or Tylenol? Advil works the best but can cause some pretty bad shit. Tried Tylenol last night and it didn't make it go away entirely.", "answer": "A quick search shows that what you bought is probably a combination of diphenhydramine \\(Benadryl\\) and phenylephrine. Both are safe to combine with Tylenol and/or Advil.\n\nWithout seeing the bottle I don't know exactly what you have or what a normal dose would be. The recommended adult dose of phenylephrine is 10 mg, with the caveat that recent research \\(and that's going back decades\\) is not terribly encouraging on its use as a decongestant, and its infamous among medical students as the classic example of tachyphylaxis\u2014if you take it for more than a few days it stops working entirely.\n\nBenadryl is usually taken at 25\\-50 mg. It's a fine antihistamine, which means it'll help with allergic stuffiness or runny nose, but it does little to nothing for a cold.\n\nNeither of these medications, alone or in combination, will help a sore throat that isn't because of nasal congestion and post\\-nasal drip. For that you'll probably do better with standard pain killers.\n\nIf you have cluster headaches, have you gotten the standard headache treatments? 100% oxygen or a triptan like sumatriptan?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8il5dn", "comment_id": "dysnyov"}, {"question": "Self-realization: I can't smoke anymore because I want to quit drinking (for good)", "description": "I've been trying to get sober for 3 years. Longest sober time is 62 days. I've just realized my cycle is to smoke marijuana until it's gone, then get some vodka to smooth over the lack of marijuana, and sometimes that ends very badly (i.e. full blown active addiction for weeks or months). Specifically I smoke wax and it's so convenient because I can \"vape\" it anywhere and feel more normal (I also have borderline personality disorder, along with cognitive dysfunction). Anyways, my sudden realization that I must give up marijuana is striking me as a revelation and a tragic loss at the same time. I might have to go back to therapy (most likely will). I'm sick of substances, how reliant I am on them. But I feel like I'll go legit insane if I give up marijuana. I'm writing this to see if anyone else has had this revelation and how it worked out for you. BPD always looking for connections too ha. I'm grateful for finding this reddit site, I had never thought to look here for support! Have a good, sober day everyone.", "answer": "Hey, just wanted to drop a note and say come check out r/leaves if you haven't already.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5f6cq1", "comment_id": "dahu86d"}, {"question": "Exercising with high heart rate (anxiety/depression)", "description": "I'm a 31 year old caucasian female. (Height 5ft9, weight around 9 1/2 stone). I'm currently going through a breakup and have also just moved to a new city, and am dealing with depression and anxiety. \nFor the last month my heart rate has been higher than it should be (around 100). I've been to the doctor, they did an ECG and blood tests, which came back fine, so it's most likely just down to the anxiety. \n\nI'd like to start doing some exercising to help boost my mood, but I'm worried about doing so when my heart rate is already high. I'm also not managing to eat very much at the moment.\n\nI've started 50mg of sertraline as of one week ago. \n\nIs it safe for me to do some sort of exercise currently?\n\nThanks", "answer": "A high resting heart rate doesn\u2019t mean you should avoid exercise. Go ahead.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjcffj", "comment_id": "evcequr"}, {"question": "My overactive intelligence makes me a total buzzkill. How do I just relax?", "description": "I require constant intellectual stimulation. Even if I'm drunk at a party or a bar, I'll still attempt to impose something intellectual onto the situation. I'll watch the crowds and analyze the social dynamics, I'll study the moves of the good dancers, I'll pair off with the other wallflowers and talk about science and philosophy.\n\nApparently, I don't know how to just chill out and have a good time, and as a result, I'm kind of boring and dry, which of course doesn't get me invited out. At all.\n\nThis sucks. I'm kind of tired of being an observer, I want to be a participant every once in a while too. I want to be able to cut loose and have some \"so I was drinking with friends\" stories that don't involve me making a complete and utter fool out of myself, like the ones that I do have. And for what It's worth, I think the events in those stories have kind of scared me off from relaxing while drinking, at least while in company. I did some insanely stupid things, and now I'm  *very* observant about how much I drink, who I'm drinking with, where I'm drinking, and in order to keep from going full retard again, I try to keep myself functioning on a higher level.\n\nIt's not just in party situations though. It's all the time. Basically, I can't relax intellectually. I'm always analyzing, dissecting, and rationalizing, and I want to stop.\n\nSo how do I do that?", "answer": "Um. Maybe try something physical that puts you in a \"flow\" state where you're really really focused on being in the moment? Something like yoga or dancing or martial arts.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xdooo", "comment_id": "c5ll9et"}, {"question": "Whatever happened to Hippocratic Oath??", "description": "More-or less diagnosed adhd-pi about 3 years ago now by my former psychiatrist. Had began seeing him 2015 for anxiety and depression, ssri helped but not that much. Unfortunately he also threw me on Klonopin which hurt more in the long run but that\u2019s later on... Year later he comes to realization that all my medicinal weed smoking was possibly dopaminergic and he couldn\u2019t believe he didn\u2019t realize before how obvious the adhd symptoms were. Difference was night and day, began to read up on executive functioning and where I definitely had deficits. Went through the stimulant trial and error game (tried vyvanse first and then eventually settled on Dexedrine). Meanwhile I was working on a freelance drone photography business that ultimately had some success and I continued to explore a fairly new industry...\n\nHe leaves the state in 2018, leaving me with the task of finding another p-doc. I started having some more intense anxiety/depression recurring even though it was helped by the stimulants. (In hindsight it was the Klonopin dependence syndrome that develops causing weird anxiety/cognitive issues)\n\nI settle for a local university hospital psych program and they throw me in with a girl practically my age a couple years out of med school. She orders a neuropsych test to see if I \u2018actually\u2019 have adhd. Based off a hunch of hers she thinks my previous psychiatrist was full of s*it and I did well in school without the stimulants so I must not have adhd (I was a master procrastinator, not super uncommon in adhd circles I understand)...neuropsych test comes back as unable to fully \u2018diagnose\u2019 because I didn\u2019t really have too many symptoms as a kid (even tho I mentioned I was an avid day dreamer). Instead they suspect it\u2019s high iq- high functioning ASD...\n\nSo this new psych tells me to wean off the stims and the klonopin at my own rate despite my objection that of all meds, dexedrine actually helps way more than hurts. She continues to think it\u2019s causing more anxiety than I realize (where if anything it was helping more than klonopin) and restates it\u2019s the departments policy that without an \u2018adhd diagnosis\u2019 she wasn\u2019t able to prescribe. \n\nMe not knowing much about the withdrawal speeds through it over the span of a couple weeks. I am thrown into some of the worst dysphoria I\u2019d ever experienced. I relay my issues and she is convinced I shouldn\u2019t be experiencing these issues for more than a few weeks. Months start to go by and my issues are only getting worse. My executive functioning all but disappears, to the point where I couldn\u2019t even articulate it well enough to the psych at the time. Social withdrawal, to the point where I couldn\u2019t leave the house, answer the phone or reply to texts and emails. The klonopin withdrawal was more than certainly causing all sorts of hell for months at a time but after about 3 months I was super confused about whether it was klonopin withdrawal, dexedrine withdrawal, or in general my baseline without stims. Intermittently I had tried the Dex after a few months of abstinence and my adhd symptoms would relieve. I\u2019d relay this and she would consistently give me the vibe I was just looking for drugs. This repeated a few more times over the next 6 months- I would wait it out in torment, with my business decaying and too anxious to answer the phone, emails or texts- in a way it was like I was straight removed from my high functioning self and thrown into extreme executive disregulation- worse than I had ever been even before medication.\n\nIt\u2019s been 9 months and fortunately I\u2019ve still had a supply of Dex XR left over that I had been sitting on. I\u2019ve been on for about a week and things are finally reconsolidating mentally, and quality of life is totally improving. I can\u2019t help but blame that psych for the failure of my business now... I finally mustered up the will to apply for jobs and more importantly scheduled a new private practice p-doc appt on Tuesday.  I really regret going there in the first place honestly I just wanted to ramble a little and let you guys know that sometimes these \u2018by the book\u2019 departments of psychiatry will dismiss your pleas for meds that actually do the job...and can trash your life....tread carefully my friends.\n\nTL:DR \nDon\u2019t drop off meds too quickly or you may end up in a world of hurt. In my case my world pretty rapidly fell to pieces. Also go with your gut regarding meds that work, psychiatrists opinions seem to vary wildly based on presenting symptoms.", "answer": "This hurts for me to read because I know it happens so much and I also know why. I'm in my last year of clin psych masters and on placement I see this all the time. \n\nBasically, the neuropsych tests are made based on the average population. The problem you have with that is if you are above average intelligence, because the tests are somewhat based on intelligence, you can do better and in turn come back as \"borderline\". Also, with the symptom checklist, they don't always take into account self report reliability whereby you may not remember much of your childhood (due to ADHD) or you may downplay things (due to genetics meaning parents say it's normal). When administering these tests, it's really important for clinicians to do them in line with a qualitative interview. So asking questions like \"you score high on this, this is what that means, does it fit with you? Why or why not?\" Being a student means unless you have specific personal or extensive professional experience on a subject it's hard to know what is needed for every assessment.\n\nSo, the solution? Unfortunately we have to be advocates for ourselves. This means backing ourselves when something doesn't seem right. This is so hard though! Even with my knowledge, I'm currently trying to switch from ritalin to dexamphetamine and my psychiatrist is being annoying with it. I know I need to go in and say \"hey I have these reasons to do this thing and I know you may not agree but what we are doing is not working for these reasons I've said so we need to switch.\" It's hard. I'm so sorry you went through it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c46pxn", "comment_id": "erw23lx"}, {"question": "Someone close to me has a severe form of OCD, but she doesn't want to go to the psychologist at any cost, how can I help her?", "description": "https://amp.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/azwevy/my_wife_30f_suffers_from_extreme_germophobia_and/\n\nThis post I found is very similar to her situation.", "answer": "1. Does she mean psychologist, specifically, or any type of psychotherapist? I know people who have had really bad experiences with some specific credential, but are more open to seeing someone with different, but still relevant credentials. E.g. \"I will NOT ever go see a psychologist because I HATE psychologists... but I might be okay with seeing a social worker.\" (And then you could find a licensed clinical social worker with experience with OCD and just not emphasize that this person is a psychotherapist.)\n2. I know this is going to be a really shitty answer, but if someone does not want treatment, you can't make them ready to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqgodb", "comment_id": "fru18pp"}, {"question": "ODD in Adults? Looking for some guidance", "description": "Hello fellow redditors.  \n\nI've had a rocky life, leading to an early adulthood full of mental problems and trauma.  Recently, I've work hard and pulled through most of it, but there's a conclusion that I have come to , and I need your help.  \n\n\nI am concerned that I have ADHD, or some form of Autism; my parents were not wise and did not get me any mental health checkups during childhood, and treated for different-ness with belts and switches.  I do know that I most likely have ODD (even though adults *don't* have odd, according to *professionals*) b/c I display several of the ODD symptoms.  \n\n\nI've managed to reel myself in to keep my current relationship steady, and I'm doing generally well with my friends, but this situation is rearing its ugly head at work.  \n\n\nBasically, as a 26 year old graduate, I don't feel that I need to have direct supervision, and I shouldn't be told what to do with my cell phone and earbuds at my desk, especially when my work gets done, regardless.  This along with ridiculous micromanagement and policy changes is causing me to want to drive my car through the manager's desk.  \n\n\nSo, what do I do to handle this?  My psychiatrist says there's a test for Autism/adhd but it's a little over 100 dollars, and I feel...that there shouldn't be a paywall for this sort of thing.  I mean, much of our American population is disabled in this way, and I feel we should easily be able to get help.  \n\n\nThanks for taking the time to read this and comment!  ", "answer": "If you're willing to go into greater detail about your difficulties, pop over to r/askdocs and a shink like me might be able to give you an opinion on it...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6hfpp8", "comment_id": "diy7b9b"}, {"question": "Avoiding guys that like me [21/f]", "description": "So there are several guys that seem to be interested in me and they all asked me out. I don't know what to do, I always thought that I'm just an ugly shy girl that cant fit in anywhere and I am soo overwhehlmed by that situation, I'm starting to get really bad anxiety. I don't know what they want from and I don't want to be left heartbroken. Did that happen to anyone? I feel so scared its almost depressing", "answer": "Did they ask you for coffee?  Prolly want coffee. Drinks? Prolly drinks. Go to a show? Prolly want to hear some music.  All of them are probably interested in getting physically intimate with you. \n\nWhat do you want, beyond feeling safe?\n\nDo you like any of these guys enough to want to see if you could hit it off?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6butwe", "comment_id": "dhpqj83"}, {"question": "IUD insertion", "description": "I haven\u2019t posted here in a while, which I guess is a good thing, but I think I\u2019m getting an IUD this week. I have POTS syndrome, which makes my periods 10x worse with lots of n* and missing work/school. I am very very very worried I will v* during or after the insertion, and reading stories on reddit isn\u2019t helping. Any one here have any experience or advice? \nThanks, KG \u2764\ufe0f\n\nUPDATE: I got it!! I took 8mg of zofran and 1000mg of tylenol beforehand, and I felt like a sharp period cramp during the sounding, but that was it!! I feel SO ACCOMPLISHED!!!", "answer": "Hi! I had Mirena inserted almost three years ago. I was not n\\* at all! It did hurt, though, and I was sore for the rest of the day, so I recommend taking some pain medication before hand and if you are able, take it easy for the rest of the day!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "drrz0m", "comment_id": "f6mjhhd"}, {"question": "(22/f) Advice for breaking up with boyfriend (22/m) who is also my best friend", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. He is my best friend. One (and only for that matter) that I feel completely comfortable with being my true self in front of. In the past year, I have had many doubts about our future together. A few months ago, I did end the relationship, and felt relieved afterward. A couple days after the breakup, I started missing him miserably. After a month of being apart, we decided to get back together. Now I am thinking it was the friendship I missed, not the relationship. When we first got back together, I decided to try harder in the relationship to make things work. At first, I was happier than before, but still not as happy as I wanted to be. Eventually, the relationship seemed to have gone back to when we broke up. I was annoyed by his presence. I thought I should end it once and for all, but then I thought again it was me trying to give up too easily and that this was just a bump in the road. Once again, I've tried making the relationship work for me. It is at a point now that I love hanging out with him, but when he says anything romantic or talks about the future, I feel guilty and sad. I see that he is trying and really wants to make the relationship work, and that tears me apart because I cannot reciprocate those feelings. I know that he loves me and he seems happy in the relationship, and that makes it so much harder. I have also become very close to his family, and I hate the thought of having to break up with them too. I guess I would like to know how I should end it without completely tearing him apart and how to possibly stay friends with him. I know that I would be happier if I ended it and endured the heartbreak, but the thought of losing my only best friend terrifies me. ", "answer": "it's gonna hurt. no way around it.  if he's mad for you, then spending time with you as a bf will be VERY painful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on205", "comment_id": "dckkk5f"}, {"question": "I've suddenly become afraid of the dark", "description": "I was scared of the dark when i was a child, but in my teenage years and adult life i would always go camping and hiking at night without experiencing any distress. Since mid summer, I've become afraid of the dark again and going outside at night or being in a dark place causes me to have a panic attack and i sometimes have hallucinations of shadowy figures in the darkness. Right now, i cant sleep without some kind of light on.\n\nDoes anyone have any suggestions for how i could approach this beyond therapy (i haven't seen mine all summer but will on Wednesday)? I love camping and want to go without feeling extremely anxious. ", "answer": "A fear of the dark is something that almost every child has at some point.  It's really pre-programmed into our biology through evolution for the sake of survival as we had to be extra careful of the nocturnal predators that existed.  \n\nI'd say the best thing you can do is work on your general stress levels.  It's not very uncommon for people experiencing very very high levels of stress to get really minor/subtle visual or auditory hallucinations.  Think, seeing something out of your peripheral vision, or hearing things like footsteps or your name being called when it isn't actually there.  \n\nGetting your general stress levels in check should help out a bunch.  Talk to your therapist to see if maybe you can identify any possible cause of why these fears came back and address that.  \n\nHope this helps!  Best of luck.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/mental-health-diagnosis-what-you-need-to-know/)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6wjsf2", "comment_id": "dm9d7h7"}, {"question": "Keto is honestly a life saver.", "description": "It seems to me that Keto is not mentioned enough on this subreddit for some reason.  I received a reminder this past month that Keto is pretty much a miracle for me and I will probably be on this diet for life. \n\n I used to take metformin three times a day.  I couldn't have drinks with friends without experiencing a debilitating hangover the next day.  I pooped liquid almost every day.  I felt...off.  I started the Keto diet, determined to get off the pills.  \nWell, it worked. \nI lost 16 pounds and started feeling great.  I stopped taking the pills.  Things were going swimmingly.  \nThen I fell off the wagon. \nCarnival food and bread and pasta and beans..I wanted it all.  I started wondering why I felt like crap.  I wondered why my belly was growing again.  I wondered why I had mood swings.  I wondered why I was letting myself eat that poison that caused myself extreme pain.  \nToday is the first full week of being 100% dedicated to the Keto diet and I've already lost three pounds.  This is all pretty much water weight but soon I'll be burning off real fat as long as I remain dedicated.  I'm already experiencing benefits like a flat tummy and no bloating.  \n\nWhen women here ask for help with their medication, weight loss, infertility, or anything else relating to PCOS, it really breaks my heart.  Just stop eating sugar aka CARBS.  I know that simplifies things A LOT and I'm not trying to portray the Keto diet as something simple...but in a way it is.  We can fix this disorder by simply restricting our net carb intake to about 20g a day.  No pills and no awful side effects.  \n\nCheck out /r/xxketo and /r/Keto for recipes and progress pics.  \n\nI also know I might get a lot of hate posting this but if just one person decides to start Keto because of my post, it will be worth it.\n\nKeep calm and Keto on.", "answer": "I asked my endocrinologist (she specializes in PCOS and is known as one of the top researchers in PCOS) about the ketogenic diet and she said that she wouldn't recommend it for PCOS patients. \n\nHave any of your endocrinologists suggested this diet to you, fellow PCOSers?? How do your docs respond when you tell them about keto? I'm curious as to what other doctors say. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3kq6e3", "comment_id": "cuzoqcp"}, {"question": "NSV!! I owned that Health Screening", "description": "One year ago I completed a health screening at my new job. All of my numbers were elevated, it was so depressing. My triglycerides were well above 300, more then double what they should be. I was 2 lbs away from 200 lbs. I can't say that it was an immediate wake up call, I wish I had started that day but about 3 months ago I decided I was done letting my PCOS run my life. I was sick of feeling tired and grumpy. I started to run the couch to 5k, cutting carbs/sugars and taking my metformin and daily vitamins. ( I take a multi, b12, magnesium, garlic, 1000 mg of Vitamin C). Well yesterday it was time to do another screening.....and I'm so proud of the progress. I knew I was feeling better but these numbers are proof that my hard work is paying off. It definitely brought to light areas that I need to focus on like bringing up my good cholesterol with more fish and good fats as well as bringing down my BMI. That will come with time though. For now I'm celebrating the changes I have made! \n\n*2014*\n198 lbs\nTriglycerides 300+\nBMI- was over 35% \nMy blood sugar was over 200 non fasting \nMy bad cholesterol was too high and the good too low. \n\n*2015*\n175 lbs \nCholesterol-166\n(HDL-41, LDL-95)\nTriglycerides-147\nGlucose-83mg (non-fasting)\nMy BMI is at 31.5%", "answer": "That is amazing. Congrats!!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3tgcl6", "comment_id": "cx6d24s"}, {"question": "How Do I Handle This Kind of Co Worker?", "description": "Dear Reddit\n\nSo I got a new co worker who is really agitating and I'm not sure how to go about working with him. I am the boss for the team that I manage and this guy acts/talks like he is the boss and steals credit whenever possible and a bunch of other things that annoy me. He is really getting on my last nerve but I'm making this post to try and get some help on how to make this situation better. Here's the examples of what this co worker is like\n\n \n***\n**He Tries To Control Other Co Workers By Telling Others What To Do**\n\n* Me: Today I am going to have you work on this and I'm going to have so and so do this.\n* Him: Well I'm going to do this while I have them do this.\n* Problem: Instead of simply saying \"ok\" and agreeing to my instructions, why is he telling me, the boss, what he is going to do instead of listening to what I tell him to do? Then, why does he tell me what he is going to make other people do when I'm the one that makes that decision?\n\n \n***\n**He Claims My Ideas To Try And Tell Me What To Do**\n\n* Me: This is the way that I want this project done\n* Him: Why not just do it my way\"Repeats exactly the same exact thing in the same exact way of what I just told him to do\"\n* Me: Yeah that's right just do it like that \"I restate the exact thing that I told him originally, to which he re suggested my own original plan as his\"\n* Him: Yeah that's what I just told you to do!\n* Problem: He takes my instructions/ideas/plans and claim them as his by saying \"That's what I just said!\" to everything I tell him to do. It's as if he takes my instructions from my own words and says them back to me just so he can say that he told me to do somthing\n\n \n***\n**He Undermines Anyone's Else's Idea That Isn't Done His Way**\n\n* Him: Why are we doing this task this way?\n* Me: We are doing it this way because it's the best way to do it because 1.___ 2.___ 3___\n* Him: Well I think it's better to do what I said \"Doesn't list any benefits to doing things his way, doesn't even explain any of his steps to do the task in his way that he believes is better\"\n* Me: The best way to do this is by \"Restate my original explanation with even more explanation\"\n* Him: No you need to listen to what I'm telling you \"Repeats his same nonsenseful, unexplained way with no reasons behined it\"\n* Me: I am listening to you, and yes, you can do it that way but it's better to do it this way because of the reasons that I already just have explained to you. Your way is harder and takes longer because of 1.___ 2.___ 3.___ compared to doing 1.___ 2.___ 3.___\n* Him: That's stupid, I'm just going to do it my way.\n* Problem: He thinks his ways are better simply because it's what he said to do. \n\n\n\n \n***\n**He Intentionally Does't Tell Other People About Work That Needs Done So He Can Do It Himself And Make Himself Look Better And So He Can Call Other Co Workers Lazy**\n\n* Me - Hey go take so and so and get this task done\n* Him - Ok\n* Me - Did you guys get that task done?\n* Him - Yeah I did everything\n* Me - You did everything? Why didn't so and so help you?\n* Him - I guess they didn't want to help, they're lazy.\n* Me - Did you even ask the other people for help like I said to?\n* Him - No I just did it myself because I'm better than them and didn't feel like dealing with them being lazy\n* Problem - Now my other co workers are getting in trouble for not helping when this guy is intentionally doing things by himself, making him look good and others look bad.\n\n \n***\n**He Interrupts Conversations And Cuts People Off From Speaking**\n\n* Not much to say, or maybe I should say not much room to speak when he's around. He is always jumping into other people's conversation's just to keep the attention on him and not let the other person speak which just results in upsetting the other person and them walking away.", "answer": "I've supervised plenty of therapists with strong personalities who either didn't like authority much, didn't like having someone with my demographics as a boss, and a combination of both.\n\nI had to learn very quickly that the qualities and skills that make me a good therapist are not necessarily ones that will make me a good boss.  \n\nSome important lessons I learned/techniques I apply now having made many mistakes as a supervisor in the past:\n\n1.  Remind yourself often that although you may be a friendly person you are not your supervisees friend.  You do not need their approval.  You need their respect and need them to do their job.  \n\n2.  Praise the employees that are doing well publically and often while talking to problematic employees in private (specifically mandatory meetings you set up with them.)\n\n3.  Before making a decision regarding policy/procedure changes, strategy to complete a project, etc.  listen to everyone, take  their opinions into consideration.  Once you make your decision, the path is no longer up for debate.  You can straight up say this in whatever language you feel comfortable.  Just be sure that you are assertive with it.  If a supervisee questions your authority publically, either call them into your office or say something like \"That's not up for discussion now.  You and I can talk about that later.\" \n\n4.  When you call a supervisee to meet with them about issues you are having with them, document it.  This is probably the most important take away I learned in my first few years of supervising.  Be very clear, concrete, and specific about what the employee said or did (or multiple things if applicable along with the corresponding dates) and if possible, how it either goes against a specific company policy or specific part of their job description.  Write on the document what areas you need to see specific concrete improvement by and a deadline for follow up.  Have him sign it.  If he refuses, schedule a meeting with your supervisor to discuss a plan of action.\n\nThis is what has worked for me.  It's not going to work for everyone in every situation but I think it may be helpful to you.  With a guy like this, you need to be the leader, or before long, your other co-workers will lose respect for you or this guy is going to end up being your boss.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8cxmcu", "comment_id": "dxir2y5"}, {"question": "What do you do with your chips?", "description": "As I've been going to meetings, I've collected 3 chips so far (my 24-hour, 1 month, and 2 month - hurrah!). I was wondering what people do with them? I bought a keychain that holds a chip to put my 24 hour chip on, but what do people do with them as they collect them?", "answer": "I keep my white chip in my left sock and my current chip in my right sock. The other 4 are in my car.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1ifa14", "comment_id": "cb3vb32"}, {"question": "How much sobriety time should someone considered a 'white chip wonder' have?", "description": "I'm saying to claim yourself as one, is there an unwritten rule? I can't imagine people are well received with a few months clean claiming they are a white chip wonder. Just a weird question that popped in my mind. ", "answer": "What is a white chip wonder?", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "6m8fxi", "comment_id": "djzq5e8"}, {"question": "Hyperfocus as a gift is a myth (Dr Russell Barkley)", "description": "I have a love/hate relationship with Dr. Barkley's lectures\nhttps://youtu.be/Li_tcua0AJI?t=1338\n\n_There is also another popular phrase in the adults with ADHD trade books: \"Adults with ADHD are good at hyperfocusing.\" This too is mythology. Hyperfocusing is actually perseveration. You are unable to interrupt what you are doing when you should have shifted to doing something else. It is like the child who continues to play the video game long after they should have been getting dressed for school. You want to call that hyperfocusing that's fine, but it's a classic sign of a frontal lobe injury <inaudible> you should have stopped what you're doing, and you didn't. There are other more important goals to achieve and you ignored them. This is no gift. It is in fact a symptom of this disorder\"_\n\n\n\n\nWhatever you call it, this injury/gift has been responsible for every single achievement in my life!", "answer": "That is very interesting and thanks for sharing. Hyperfocus can seem like that but it also depends on how it is applied and channeled. it sounds like he is saying that you can only hyperfocus on something when you should be doing something else. I do not find that to always be the case. For example, when I am working on a paper and become hyperfocused I can work on that for hours. But...thanks for the encouragement and motivating words Dr. Barkley! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "629dxn", "comment_id": "dfku2xb"}, {"question": "I feel like an addict", "description": "Hey guys and girls, just wanted to share with you a struggle that I\u2019ve wondered about for a while and haven\u2019t got to posting until now. \nI find that when I pick up a new activity, be it rock climbing, a new game, a new way of making food, and especially anything media related, I will focus solely on that thing and that thing alone for days at a time. It\u2019s like a mini addiction that spans a week, and then it\u2019s into the next one, that\u2019s how I can explain it best. Does anyone else have this problem? It just feels like I hyperfocus on these things and can\u2019t stop to do important things like eating properly, doing chores, or make it to social events and it\u2019s frustrating to know it\u2019s happening but in the moment \u201cIt\u2019s fine\u201d and I don\u2019t care", "answer": "Reading about the holocaust was probably my worst one...\n\nI'm stuck in between addictions atm. Trying to find a new one. Chernobyl was my most recent.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "g7nnec", "comment_id": "foj67o1"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Thw best thing you can do is ask the therapist about limits of confidentiality. \n\nExactly what can be shared varies by country,  state/region and by agency.  A school counselor on reddit recently posted that he was required by his employer to report students who used substances on campus.  This is very unusual,  but part of his agency rules .\n\nIn general , confidentiality is only broken if someone is being actively abused or in danger of hurting themselves or others .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gg9r6r", "comment_id": "fq0j4ah"}, {"question": "BF talking behind my back to ex GF, any advice?", "description": "Hello!! Sorry guys. this is gonna be kinda long but if you could spare me just a moment and give me your opinion on the situation at hand that would be so wonderful!!\n\n\n So I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and things have been pretty sweet. Our relationship has been stellar tbh. I'm 20 and he is 22. But just recently I had noticed in the past couple of weeks that my SO had been receiving messages from of his exes (we share my laptop just to clear the air) and I really didn't pay any mind to it or anything because I trust my SO, and I just didn't think any thing of it. But my SO would leave his FaceBook account logged in and open. And ya know I would log into my laptop here and there and one evening I saw mutiple message notifications from the same ex and I did something fucked up and I snooped, I'll admit I invaded his privacy but I wanted to see what was up, curiosity got the best of me here. When I saw what was said I felt heartbroken. He was talking about a small argument we had gotten into and sending her screenshots of the whole ordeal and putting me on blast, meanwhile she was calling me a psycho, crazy, and mentioning that it didn't seem like we had a healthy relationship. He was just letting her rip at me without defending me. And what makes me crack up here folks, what really gets me, is that this ol girl cheated on my SO in high school. And there were more flirty type messages but I think that's maybe all the details I should give out about the situation lol. \n\nAnyways when I saw the messages I freaked tf out and I immediately confronted my SO, at first I questioned his ass about his ex and the conversations and he lied to me, so I plopped the laptop down in front of him and showed him the messages I had found, and he had such a major meltdown he started crying and was begging me to stay with him, he immediately messaged her and told her that he couldn't message her anymore and that I was too important to loose yadadamean, and went on to block her. \n\nNow I'm sitting here a couple days later trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I know he loves me and I do love him. But shit, you guys he lied to my face about this situation and was talking mad shit over practically nothing. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass cleaning his clothes, washing his dishes, giving him rides, you name it. I just feel so betrayed I would never speak about him in that manner to anyone, ya know? Now our relationship is hanging from its hinges. He wants to cuddle and get intimate with me and I just push him away. I feel like I can no longer trust him. And now he's frustrated and just wants me to move on and be happy with him but like how can that just happen? My emotions and feelings aren't a button a TV remote that you can just push to change. I want to forget about what has happened but every moment I'm with him the conversations haunt and mock me. We've already had many conversations about it, but it seems like nothing is helping. I feel like if I wouldn't had caught him he wouldn't had been sorry. What do you think? Any input would be so dearly appreciated!!", "answer": "Why do you wash his clothes and do his dishes?  Is he 8 years old?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4wrz", "comment_id": "dhbp73x"}, {"question": "I just want friends to be close friends with", "description": "I have a close friend but it always seems she\u2019s trying to help me. I have other acquaintances that I don\u2019t hang out with often. I have a new job and my co-workers are awesome but we haven\u2019t hung out yet. I just want some friends to hang out with, do nothing with, and not judge each other. Do these types of pure friendships even exits? I\u2019ve never been good at close friends in my 28 years. I\u2019m everyone\u2019s first friend but never the best friend. Maybe it\u2019s just not for me. I\u2019m not sure why I\u2019m even craving social interaction lately - usual I\u2019m fine to be my keep to myself quiet person. ", "answer": "Not sure if this applies to you or not.  One problem I see with lots of folks struggling with this is that their goal is to have \"close friends\" but generally don't like associating with more surface level acquaintances and having all of the superficial conversations and what not that go along with that.  \n\nUnfortunately for these folks, good, healthy, organic relationships do not happen immediately.  They generally grow from what starts out as more simple and superficial relationships with acquaintances.  Finding shared interests and each party making a continuous effort to spend time together doing what they mutually enjoy and eventually the two may become close friends.  The only way to get this though is to put the effort in inviting acquaintances to things and making time to go to things they invite you to.       ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ekh9j", "comment_id": "dxvxpem"}, {"question": "Just drank few small pieces of sharp glass (M25)", "description": "I made myself some lemonade, and while preparing it I touched my glass with another glass and didn't think much of it. After I drank it (30min ago) I found sharp piece about 10mm \\* 10mm \\* 1mm in the bottom of the glass. I compared it to damaged part of the glass and found out I luckily drank just a small piece of it. Probably 3-5 pieces of circa 2mm \\* 2mm \\* 0.1mm. Images [https://imgur.com/gallery/l81M6e2](https://imgur.com/gallery/l81M6e2), [https://imgur.com/gallery/NHv4vUB](https://imgur.com/gallery/NHv4vUB)\n\nI feel OK, I am also a little bit scared, should I go see a doctor? Or I will be alright. I think i will be alright I just need critical opinion.\n\nI'm 25y old male, 185cm, 95kg, not smoker, otherwise healthy I guess.\n\nEdit: I called emergency and they told me to drink a lot of water and come if anything hurt me. Otherwise everything will probably be alright. They didn't even want me to send pic because they couldn't do anything about it.\n\nEdit 2: It's been about 10 hours and I am fine. Thank you for advice and thank you for helping people in need.", "answer": "I have patients who eat glass deliberately. I've never experienced that ending bad. Usually I don't send them to the hospital, unless they are in pain.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dafa8t", "comment_id": "f1pkpc7"}, {"question": "Tough time of the year", "description": "I feel  sad this weekend (which normally drive me to drink).  Today we are having a turkey with my two boys which would normally have been my husbands parents who I adored and sister however his parents are no longer with us and his sister is Coming Wed. Since she is away.  My sister is in the Caribbean so we won't see her this year and my dad's situation is beyond rediculous.  We don't even see him at Christmas. Anyways just wanted to put it out there that not of us all have functional families around us for Thanksgiving and send out hugs to those of you who need it today.", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry for your losses and sending hugs back at you! Here\u2019s hoping we both create some new sober holiday traditions this year. IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhc5hq", "comment_id": "f3mbbsz"}, {"question": "Metformin with normal glucose?", "description": "Hi all, \n\nDoes anyone else have \"normal\" glucose tests and still take metformin? My glucose has always been normal, though I'm sure I have at least some level of insulin resistance by nature of having PCOS. It's nearly impossible for me to lose weight lately, and my gyn recommended metformin to hopefully help with that. I know bad GI side effects are likely, so I just wanted to get some others' opinions and experiences before just diving into yet another med! Thanks :)", "answer": "I also have normal glucose and am on metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4ctbws", "comment_id": "d1lbq6b"}, {"question": "Need a good self help book on Avoidant Personality Disorder or a book on how to develop spontaneity and enjoy the company of other people (x-post)", "description": "Hi, I suffer from avoidant personality disorder (and borderline and dependent with narcissistic traits). I would like to know if there is a good self help book to overcome my avoidant personality disorder, or, alternatively, a book that teaches me how to be spontaneous, enjoy the company of people and have a playful attitude towards life. I have read many books about psychoanalysis but all this knowledge did not seem to help much, so now i would like to switch to some focused self-help materials. Any suggestions?", "answer": "Check out The Happiness Trap", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "vhqiq", "comment_id": "c54p31b"}, {"question": "I don't know wtf to do. My wife[28/f] just told me [31/m] she never wants kids.", "description": "She has said she will never be able to give children to me, her choice, that's fine, it's not medical, she just hates the idea of having a child because she won't be able to do whatever she wants. She's even planning on getting a hysterectomy at 30. All things she revealed for the first time tonight after 5 years of friendship and a year of marriage. She's known I've always wanted one or two. She just sprung this on me. I love her to death, I don't know what to do. I feel betrayed and hurt but she's my wife, I will always love her.", "answer": "you have to decide if this is a non-negotiable--a deal breaker.   very sad quandary", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qn8mw", "comment_id": "dd0n4zi"}, {"question": "4th step is threatening my sobriety.", "description": "I\u2019m Matt and I\u2019m an alcoholic. There are things I\u2019ve carried with me for a very long time. I swore to my self I would take to my grave. I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m ready. I\u2019m not even on the forth step. I keep starting over at step 3. I haven\u2019t gone back out. But I\u2019m stuck. I\u2019d rather just go ahead and die than put this shit on paper and tell another person. I think I\u2019m ready for that. I can\u2019t share this in a meeting with other people or my sponsor. So y\u2019all get it, I apologize. That\u2019s all I got right now. Thanks for letting me share.\n\nEdit: I have been on the phone with my sponsor and a couple other people. One of them is not in the rooms and is still out there. But us talking helped them and it helped me also. Everything is going to be ok. I have prayed and my understanding of God is letting me know that with God in my life these times will be much more brief than before. I\u2019m not throwing my life away or the 311 days I have in away because I got problems. Everyone has been a tremendous help. I was all up in my feels which is a very dangerous place for me. I have no idea how to deal with this sober. But I\u2019m going to learn. Thank you everyone for your love and support. I hope this has helped you stay sober also. I hope this makes sense I\u2019m sounding like the new guy in the meetings who had no idea how to talk. I guess I can still be a new guy with a couple days under my belt", "answer": "In the 12 and 12 it recommends doing the 5th step piecemeal if you can\u2019t trust anyone with all of it. That\u2019s what I did. I told some stuff to my sponsor and some to a catholic priest. It worked for me, I\u2019m sober 41 years.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "gf6pps", "comment_id": "fps25w6"}, {"question": "Please I need some help.", "description": "I need help... I was with my girlfriend of over 1 year and she asked for my phone to look at a picture. After she looked at my picture, she started scrolling through the phone and I quickly grabbed the phone away from her without thinking. Her face immediately dropped and she asked me what is on my phone. She asked for phone back and I kept taking it immediately 3 more times like a jerk. To be clear, there is nothing detrimental to my relationship on my phone. There are no pictures of other women or texts with anyone that she does not know. There are no secrets. I was nervous because nobody has ever looked through my phone before and I instinctively grabbed it. I tried having her look at the phone a few minutes later when she clearly can see I did not access it but she would not do so. Today she is still upset and won't see me. What should I do? I don't want to lose my relationship because of this.", "answer": "I would explore the feelings of why you took it away deeper.  Then I would sit down with her and explain it and talk it out.  If it works out, even better. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48nkqx", "comment_id": "d0l4f8g"}, {"question": "Can I talk to you? I have no friends.", "description": "Thank you.", "answer": "I'm a little late to your thread here OP, but feel free to PM me whenever you'd like to chat. :)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2ec631", "comment_id": "ck0kyok"}, {"question": "Who would be able to diagnose me with ADHD and prescribe meds?", "description": "Would they also be able to diagnose other things like a learning disability or give me an aptitude test?", "answer": "A psychologist (and some psychiatrists and some pediatricians) can do a full assessment with testing for ADHD diagnostics. Prescribers (psychiatrists, nurse practioners, other physicians) can prescribe.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gjuez2", "comment_id": "fqni9a2"}, {"question": "Thinking about going to my first AA meeting tonight...", "description": "Just not sure what to expect. Also, I noticed that they have meetings specifically for newcomers. Do I have to go one of those? The meeting in my area tonight is labeled \"maintaining group.\" Just not sure what that is... do I just walk in?\n\nI'm 10 days sober but last night was the hardest. I haven't slept. I've been distracting myself past 2 A.M. so even if I want a drink I can't get one, but then since I'm so goddamn sober now, I can't fall asleep after that. But now it's morning and stores are opening and I have $20 sitting on the counter with my I.D. ready to go. I've been pacing all night. I'm really worried I might cave. Wouldn't be the first time. I'm doing my best though. 10 days is pretty awesome for me.\n\nBut I know I need help. Any advice?\n\n\nEdit: Thanks so much to the few people who have commented already. I've been on the fence about AA for so long, just never had a single person truly support the idea of me going. It's nice to hear kind words and support. It's extremely calming to hear your experiences as well. My biggest hurdle is my fear.\n\nEdit: So I just arranged a babysitter for the night so I can go. I'm pretty committed to doing this now. Honestly, I can't thank you guys enough. I know it's just a few shared experiences, but you've made me feel so much better about this. This is the first time I've ever been truly hopeful about quitting.", "answer": "I recommend you go to that meeting. Even if they only have a maintaining group and not a newcomers group tonight you can still go. Just walk right in and pick a seat.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1s315g", "comment_id": "cdteg9x"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "cold turkey is best, but your situation prevents it. try to avoid as much as possible. you're doing all the right things.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68nm5v", "comment_id": "dgztske"}, {"question": "Does alcohol consumption over time lead to any sort of cognitive impairment", "description": "So I drink a lot. Been drinking nearly every day since I was 17. I\u2019m 25 now. The thing is, I\u2019m motivated by such a strong fear of failure that I\u2019ll probably never reach a bottom point where I\u2019m forced to confront my drinking. I\u2019m fairly successful for someone my age and have healthy habits apart from my drinking.\n\nThe only thing that concerns me is a fear that it\u2019ll result in some psychological damage over time. I wonder if anyone could inform on this. Is it gonna make me some sorta buffoon down the road? Any answers would be appreciated. Thanks\n\nFor context, I probably drink the equivalent of four bottles of beer a day. Usually I get started after I get off work.", "answer": "Kills neurons. Cumulative. Damage persists.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bknet4", "comment_id": "emjfxaf"}, {"question": "I really don't want to die. I actually really like life. I just don't like my life.", "description": "I think the world is beautiful. There are so many amazing things to see and do, and seemingly countless possibilities, too many for a single lifetime. I think people are amazing, and the shitty terrible people don't prevent me from appreciating the good ones (whom I consider to be the majority). To me, life is wonderful. Except I don't like *my* life. I wish I could be somebody different, somebody less mediocre, someone more attractive, more intelligent, more motivated, more adventurous, and more knowledgeable about what I'm looking for in life. I'm 21 and all I can think about is everything I have missed out on and will miss out on in life. I wish there was some sort of way to choose to be someone else. I don't want to stop playing, I just wish I could start a new game.", "answer": "That is literally your depression. I've met people whose life did not measure up to any typical standard of success and they were completely content. \n\nDepression makes you think your life sucks.. that YOU suck. But if you were thrown into another world, I can almost guarantee your feelings will transport into that life as well. Because your feelings are about you. \n\nSo what can happen that makes the beautiful life you live, beautiful to you? Because you can see part of the beauty, but there is a massive disconnect that makes you feel like you are not a part of that beautiful world you can recognize. And that right there means you have so much hope and potential. \n\nYou can see and feel beauty. You can see amazing in things that others may dismiss. You are capable of feeling connected and appreciative. How can that, that sight of beauty, turn towards your lil wonderful beingness? \n\nSome people may not be at the step you are. They may not feel the beauty and that's ok. That is their next step. But you, lil sun dollop, are onto your next step. You are still in a quite successful game that is just so eager to have to move to the next level. \n\nKeep treking. And maybe see a therapist. :)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6kfdyy", "comment_id": "djmrxtz"}, {"question": "Need advice on this relationship situation", "description": "I'm [26/F] and my boyfriend is [27/M].  I've been having some issues with my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and a half and moved in together 6 months ago. Of course when you first date someone the sex is amazing and hands will not stay tamed, but the sex dropped dramatically after the first year. I figured after 3 years then \"yeah that's okay\"; I've noticed he's been watching porn and may have tried some kind of sexting webcam chats with other girls. (Btw, is that cheating?) he won't tell me what's going on or if it's me, I'll gladly change whatever it is I'm doing. He won't speak up. I haven't had an orgasm in 3 months during sex, plus it seems like he doesn't care to satisfy me. When we do have sex there's no 4 play, just rips my clothes of when it's convenient for him and 5 strokes later it's done. We use to have 20-30 minutes sessions or sometimes all night; and just bathed in the glory of each other's naked bodies. So much passion we had. I'm rejected a lot when I try to initiate sex, so I felt like there was something clearly wrong with me. Am I not attractive anymore? Is he bored with me? I like to have fun in the bedroom. He is not a good communicator, anytime I tried to let him know how I feel, I'd get the cold shoulder. It made me feel dirty because I wanted more sex, just to have that connection with him. Even if it didn't last long and if that's what he's worried about then I'm okay with it; just still be considerate about my wants and needs. Or do it more often than once every two weeks. Ive also noticed that my boyfriend takes a lot of unnecessary showers. I may be paranoid, but some mornings he'll hop in (even tho he showered the night before) and I know he's hard and ready to go; but why masterbate when you can have the real thing? If I'm not around its cool I guess, just don't neglect me.  When it comes down to it you're either going to have great love making or a relationship, is there a way you could have both?  I'm lost for answers and I want our passion back. I want him to want me again. I had an idea about bringing in a toy, maybe before or after he does the act with me. Will a vibrator be insulting or will it turn him on and leave visual memories? If he's down I'd let him be in control. I'm trying so hard to keep the flame alive.  I'm going crazy!", "answer": "summary tl;dr", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0lt8", "comment_id": "ddbqqxn"}, {"question": "What would happen if someone had Ventricular Tachycardia for 1 hour?", "description": "NOT SVT. ", "answer": "I presume that this is related to another post of yours regarding PVCs and what the ER doctor said to you. In short, you'll be dead before you could have VTs in an hour. On the other hand, you're probably not having VTs, and the doctors have low suspicion of this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yxw1g", "comment_id": "d6ri1ra"}, {"question": "Does a therapist ever disagree with client (and tell them?)", "description": "A friend (f48) and I(f54) got into a disagreement over a misunderstood text. I don't think the disagreement matters (maybe a post for AITA) but essentially, the friend told me that I should mention our disagreement to my therapist because my view of our conversation is being colored by my horrible relationship with my sister.\n\nMy question is... If I talked to my therapist about this from my point of view, would she take my side automatically? And if my friend talked to her therapist about it from HER point of view, wouldn't the therapist take her side?\n\nWe both think we are right and the other is wrong, so would that really accomplish anything?\n\nAlso - I'm not even seeing a therapist right now - but I'm not opposed to starting again.", "answer": "Most likely, a therapist would not take either side ( there are extreme situations that are more black/white) .  Your therapist is more likely to explore your perspective,  and issue you mentioned with your sister. \n\nI don't see couples anymore , but when I did , it was really common for a couple to come in with a disagreement and ask \"who is right?\"\n\nI encourage people to think more broadly in their interactions with others. Black/white thinking is a common theme in conflict and often creates conflict.  Most of the time (again, there are situations when absolutes are appropriate) there is no right /wrong,  win/lose. Additionally,  people feel that way when they hold on to if____, then ____, or \"should beliefs.\" \n\nEven if I agreed with you , it would not mean that I would disagree with your friend . Maybe both of you are right.  It would also be appropriate to explore your boundaries,  because you have a right to them ,even when someone thinks you are \"wrong. \"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fpcag1", "comment_id": "flkl66k"}, {"question": "GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!", "description": "Hi everyone, \nI am a first year med student suffering from a number of mental illnesses be it OCD ( mainly pure-o), SOCIAL ANXIETY, GAD, PANIC DISORDER, ONYCHOPHAGIA and mild AGORAPHOBIA ( all being in severe stage).\nI have been diagnosed officially by psychiatrist. \nThey have prescribed me meds but I am not taking them due to their potential side effects. I am also not attending the therapy sessions due to financial issues. I haven't told these things to my parents or to any other person but the psychiatrist. Now, my anxiety has gone out of control and I am looking forward towards my recovery.\nMy question to you people is as follows-\n1. Should I start taking the medicine prescribed by psychiatrist?\n2.What are the potential side effects of these medicines?\n3.Will it damage my brain and change me as a whole( ruining my positive traits also)\n4.How does one feel after taking such medicine?? Do they really work? How long do they take to show their full effects??\n5.Is there any alternative method to cure the illness??\nLooking forward to your replies.\nIt's very urgent!!!!!", "answer": "\n\n* 1.  You have to decide this for yourself.  If the psychiatrist prescribed it, they think it's the best thing to help you with your symptoms.  \n* 2.  Talk to your psychiatrist about side effects.  Every medication has different ones.  Most people don't experience all of them and very few people ever experience the severe ones.  \n* 3.  Taking medication may change you somewhat as I'm sure a lot of your personality is wrapped up in the thoughts and behaviors that are influenced by the anxiety.  When you're feeling less anxious your personality may seem to change somewhat, but you'll always be you!\n* 4.  Once again, it all depends on the medication you take.  I take Adderall for pretty severe ADHD.  For me, it actually calms me down, allows me to focus on things for extended periods of time, and be substantially less hypervigilant and anxious when driving.  Medication generally effects everyone a little differently.  ADHD medication generally works instantly.  Most anti-depressants (SSRI's that are also commonly prescribed for anxiety) can take a few weeks of taking daily to build up in your system and be effective.    \n* 5.  Going to therapy consistently is probably your best bet to help with your anxiety.  Multiple studies show that the best thing you can do is a combination of regular weekly therapy with medication.  If given the option between weekly therapy OR medication only, therapy wins out.  \n\n\nIf you're currently in med school you should look to see if your school offers free counseling for students.  Most colleges and universities do.  Given that you're already paying for it as part of tuition costs, you might as well use it.  \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vtp1b", "comment_id": "e1qg4qo"}, {"question": "Sharing a hotel room with 2 active alcoholics tonight. Oh boy.", "description": "They headed to the bar attached to the lobby as soon as we got our bags to the room. I shut the curtains, turned off the lights and meditated for 20 minutes. Just me and the hum of the AC. My foundation of sobriety has been feeling pretty solid these days, but every now and then...in situations like these, that all-too-familiar thirst creeps in ever so slightly and I feel a little momentary wobble.    \nNow I\u2019m out by the pool...the whole place to myself enjoying the solitude in the heavy air of this Southern summer evening. I am grateful to have clarity, peace, and calm in my mind. Thanks for being here, SD. IWNDWYT.    \n    \nEDIT: Thanks for all of the support, you beautiful people. I realized that little craving snuck up on me because I was HUNGRY! Ate a bunch of different types of empanadas and now I\u2019m going to watch some shitty hotel TV until I pass out. My roomies left to go out to the bars. I\u2019m going to wake up feeling great...", "answer": "Well done. That southern night by the pool sounds really great ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "96182w", "comment_id": "e3xpx5j"}, {"question": "Is it normal to have dreams that dont end when you wake up?", "description": "Im a 18yo female with no history of any mental illness and i take no medication \nGoogle was no help, it keeps saying its sleep paralysis tho im not paralyzed after theses dreams \nA couple of nights ago i had a dream that a guy was following me and when i woke up he was in the corner of my room as vivid as a real person \nI immediately sat up and started writing in my dream journal i spoke and told him to leave and he did\nThese sort of dreams also happen with the feeling of touch, not just visuals which i feel is important to say \n\nI didn't feel paralyzed nor was it difficult to breath like i heard happens in sleep paralysis \n\nI dont know if this is related but i feel its worth mentioning but sometimes when im completely awake walls or bedsheets look like they're breathing or ill see growing colors that arent there--- when i told my mom she said shed take me to a psychiatrist when we have more money so i dont see it happening for a while \n\nBasically all i want to know is, is this something i should worry about or are there things i should specifically monitor", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. You should see your primary care physician for a complete physical exam, blood tests, and a referral for a sleep study.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bqw405", "comment_id": "eoa3j2l"}, {"question": "I need an advice dating a girl who has a 18 month old baby but her dad is not around.", "description": "Hey so I have a question me and my girlfriend we broke up after two years of dating. We were going to get married this coming summer but she left me before Christmas because I didn't like her family and didn't like to\nBe around them that much.\nSo now I found this cute girl she is only 25 years old and has a house but she only works as a nanny from home while she spends time with her little daughter. Her older brother lives with her to help pay the bills. My question is what should I expect by dating this girl. She told me she is looking for a father figure for the child, and she is interested in getting married and having a child of my own with her so her daughter can have a sister or a brother.\nShould I get into this or not? I'm tired of dating I just want one women, but in the past 8 years my 3 girlfriends  that I loved left me :/. I'm currently 28 years old and getting older by day. \n\nPlease help lol   ", "answer": "are you ready to be a dad and a settled family man? ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5makj0", "comment_id": "dc233v2"}, {"question": "Should I get a sperm donor?", "description": "I'm a 34 year old woman, two months away from 35. I have always wanted to have children but have never had the opportunity. I'm in a relationship now with an amazing man that is not wanting to start a family just yet because he supports his family. I feel like I'm running out of time to have a child. I've been thinking about getting a sperm donor. Has anyone else gone this route? Can you tell me about your experience? Does it bother you that your child may have multiple siblings out in the world? ", "answer": "many people choose that if traditional pregnancy isn't forthcoming. for many, it's that, or adoption or staying childless.  you may have to get your SO to commit to a time-frame...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vh4l", "comment_id": "do1g7ny"}, {"question": "A few honest questions:  How does one tell, objectively, whether or not they have Asperger's or are emotionally flat from major life trauma?", "description": "I apologize in advance for the wall-of-text:\n\nI'm an early 30-something.  I was raised in a religious family which didn't believe in slapping labels on anything except the most prominent and severe mental conditions.  I've always had a very unusual, outside-the-box way of looking at things (similar to most folks with Asperger's).  I started out my life as a seemingly intelligent, inquisitive kid with a voracious appetite for learning about all sorts of things which didn't interest most others in my age group.  I was someone who was very bubbly, 'spiritual' and engaged with others around me.  I was also an awkward, geeky kid in school who had a very hard time with an active mind which wouldn't let me pay attention easily and I didn't conform to social norms, many of which I didn't understand.  I was always bored and distracted.  I was also very friendly but became less so as I got older, having been picked on a lot because I was geeky and socially awkward.  \n\nLife brought me a lot of religion-based rejection from family & friends upon discovering that I preferred the same sex, went on to date a few people and have a several-year, troubled relationship which ended when my other half left me then quickly died of cancer.  This wrecked me pretty bad and I have some of the telltale signs of PTSD: huge, major gaps in memory in the first few years after the death (as in, entire friendships and interactions with people which should have been significant enough to imprint into memory during that time period... no trace of them), irrational anger, sadness and mental anxiety which comes suddenly out of nowhere and randomly leaves as suddenly as it came on.  There are a lot of times when I just can't shut my head off.  \n\nAs I got older I became very disconnected from previous religiousness as it yielded no comfort for some of the things I went through.  These days I view things in a very cold, logical way and am not given to being or becoming emotionally attached to people.  It has lead to a lot of misunderstanding and difficulty in my life, particularly in my relationships with family & friends.  Some of them have been incredibly accomodating and understanding, others have become increasingly distant and/or nonexistent in my life.  I neither take compliments nor insults very well.  I get the general sense that any/all well-meaning compliments or attempts to help or connect with me stop at the skin and never make it inside to have the intended effect.  I hold almost everything and everyone at arm's length because maintaining friendships & relationships exhausts me.  To get by, I maintain a token facade of minimal interest in and knowledge of popular things which bore me to tears while everyone else thinks they're great: sports, reality shows, celebrities, etc.  \n\nSo my questions are:  How do I determine if what I am currently experiencing is something in the Asperger's spectrum or the typical depression which comes as a result of heavy emotional trauma? It seems that the two conditions share some of the same symptoms.  Is there such a thing as having Asperger's as well as A.D.D. as those also seem to share some of the same symptoms? If so, how does one tell which is which?\n\nI'm kind of at a breaking point, having resorted to smoking cannabis frequently and occasionally drinking heavily because it's often the only way I can turn my head off, enjoy myself and have feelings which don't suck.  I realize that this is not a tenable position in the long term if I expect to have the healthy, productive life I want but am just not capable of taking on right now.  Am trying to figure out which paths I should explore to try to fix my problems.  I'm not fishing for pity as we all have our own, unique struggles and many of you have had it worse than me.  I'm just looking for honest advice and figured you folks might understand and be able to help me figure out what to do and how to weed out my condition(s).  I want to be able to have healthy, normal relationships with those around me and find love again some day. Your help and advice will be much appreciated.\n\n**Metric shitload of edits:** *spelling, grammar, sentence structure and a million nitpicky details*", "answer": "You asked how you could tell \"objectively\" if you have Asperger's = you have Asperger's.  nice and simple.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "13ando", "comment_id": "c72mltq"}, {"question": "Another effect of sobriety...libido...lol ?", "description": "As I've discovered, there are many changes that come with sobriety.  One I wasn't expecting was at 45 years old my libido suddenly not only returning, but with the ferocity of a high school student in puberty....lol.\n\nAnyone else experience this ?  Another way my body is returning to normal ?\n\nJust curious...maybe it's just me...lol.", "answer": "Actually, me too!  I'm 85 days sober, and I think mine started to come back a couple of weeks ago.  At least, that's when I started to notice.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dllm2r", "comment_id": "f4ruwgt"}, {"question": "How can I make friends at my kickboxing class?", "description": "I've been going there for about 2 months and the people there are pretty cool people if you know what I mean but I feel so isolated from the rest of them and like an outsider, please help me I don't know what to say to them.. :(", "answer": "Try to invite them to hang out outside of the class. If you strike up a conversation during the class and it's going well, then be like \"Hey, you seem pretty cool. Want to hang out sometime?\" and see where it goes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19iv32", "comment_id": "c8ppc4r"}, {"question": "Can I please take opinions on whether I was abused or not because I don't trust myself enough.", "description": "Hey, um, this might be graphic and so I'll NSFW it as soon as I post it as a trigger warning. I'll TW for emotional and sexual abuse, before we get any further.\n\n\nI was with a girl for two and a half years, and let's call her The Rock because that's funny and it'll maybe make the story easier to tell. Our relationship was fun at first - you know, declarations of love, thoughts of children. We definitely dove into it too fast. I had known her for two years beforehand, though, and thought I knew what I was getting into. She had talked previously about her terrible past relationships, and I was assured that I would be different, because I 'knew' she was good.\n\n\nThen.. it got bad. Over time, I started to wear on her. I didn't do anything the way she liked and she constantly reminded me of this. She would yell, and we took breaks.. Jesus, I don't even know, dozens and dozens of times. They only lasted for a day, however, as we were, I now realise, codependent. \n\n\nOur relationship went downhill past about the first year. She loved her family, which I admired, but she did at the expense of everyone else, including me. If i didn't want to do something with her family, or if I even politely gave a differing opinion, I could and would be bullied for it. See, in retrospect I just feel like a p*ssy. (censoring that in case anyone's affected, I'm just trying to think ahead.)\n\n\nThat was a long-running theme in our relationship - what she wanted mattered more than what I wanted. Her letting me do what I wanted was seen as her giving me a gift, and I felt the need to ask for everything. Half of the time when I did I'd get a 'how could you do that, you don't know me, you don't know who i am' and half of the time I got a 'well duh, you can do what you want.'\n\n\nAnd the thing is, as she did this to me, at the same time she reinforced the idea that I was weak. My kindness, what she had said had made me so beautiful in her eyes at the beginning, my soft heart, was now too soft. She wanted to live a fast life, a dark life, and I wanted to sit in the garden and read a book, and that wasn't okay, and we couldn't do it because she didn't want to and I didn't know what to do without her and thought I loved her.\n\n\nShe screamed at me in the final months of the relationship for not having memorised the layout of her kitchen. Every time I visited her, I would be stepping on eggshells and then I would somehow slip the tiniest thing, and she would scream, and she would make me feel bad, and she would tell me that she wanted me to feel bad, and say that I was the source of her issues. And then, in an hour, she would say that I was lovely, and that she loved me.\n\n\nThis extended to our sex life. We were teenagers, and so we should have used condoms, and I said, repeatedly, that we should use condoms, but she couldn't be bothered, and I caved in. Like most things, it was all about her - sex was, essentially, me thinking of cats and brick walls and other stupid shit to stop myself from cumming too fast. Otherwise, if I did come too fast, she would cry, say that I should have masturbated earlier, and, at one point, hit me. She told me that she could only cum by thinking about other men who didn't love her. I understandably did not know how to process this. I felt sexually weak and impotent and this did not bode well for my libido and so the issue only worsened. She blamed me for her body issues.\n\nAt this point I started to become obsessively sexually attracted to other people. In retrospect I think my subconscious was telling me that I needed to get out. I am naturally, and I now know this, completely monogamous. I went and had sex with a man, as I'm bisexual, and it was a pretty awful experience. In the last months of our relationship I almost arranged to meet and have sex with random girls because.. because I was obsessed with the idea. She knew about all of this, and she reminded me constantly of how much it effected her. \n\n\nFor at least a year and a half, a dark cloud hung over my life, honestly. My parents accidentally insulted her at my sister's wedding and she refused to see them for the entire rest of the relationship. She made me choose between her or them, and, of course, I chose her.\n\n\nNow I am in a relationship with a beautiful boy who loves me very much and I love him very much. I am very attracted to him, sexually and otherwise, but I often find myself unable to be touched. If anything goes wrong, sexually, I want to cease to exist, and a lot of the time, I'm not able to do it out of sheer anxiety. I used to be a very soft person, and I hope I'm still kind, but now I'm quicker to anger, and I don't want to become an abuser.\n\n\nBasically... was I abused? Does that sound like something an abused person would say? I feel like I have the symptoms of PTSD. This is a super long post, I'm sorry. All the best to anyone who reads this.", "answer": "Yes, she was definitely abusive. It sounds like you have symptoms of complex PTSD. \n\nI'm so happy for you that you're in what sounds like a loving relationship now. Please start working with a therapist that specializes in trauma if at all possible. Good luck to you.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5pw5m6", "comment_id": "dcvca3q"}, {"question": "i want to die but i'm fine", "description": "I want to die all the time and constantly think about it. But I am functional - I strive toward goals, exercise, starting a new job I've worked very hard to get in September. Have a lovely SO.\n\nI have been like this for a long long time. I meditate and try to stay aware/mindful but the feeling that I want to die remains pretty much always. If anything bad happens, even small, it becomes stronger.\n\nDo I need help? Is it normal for some people to feel this way? Is it even possible to change this?", "answer": "Yes I would recommend you find help. No matter how stable you are, thoughts of suicide are not healthy. They put your life in danger, no matter how out of place they feel.\n\nYou should consider looking into mental health services. It sounds like your life is going really well, so logically there's no reason for you to consider suicide. There is something contradictory occurring, and it's very important you look into that as soon as possible.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4gkscz", "comment_id": "d2ig3ip"}, {"question": "Did a full shift at work in close quarters with my co-worker who said he's been feeling nauseous all day and could really use some comfort.", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Hi there! I'm sorry you're feeling particularly anxious right now... I've definitely been there before :( However, reviewing some facts about norovirus will probably help put your mind at ease: norovirus is only transmitted via the fecal-oral route (just as gross as it sounds :) ). That means that you have to ingest the virus particles, which are found in fecal matter and v* of people with noro, in order to be infected. Breathing the same air as someone who is infected (and we don't even know if your coworker was infected!) will not get you sick with norovirus. Touching things he touched will not get you sick either, unless he had virus particles on his hands from v*/poop and you touched that surface THEN touched your own mouth without washing your hands.\n\nSo, reviewing logic:\n1) We don't even know if your coworker has a contagious virus\n2) If he does, he wasn't actively sick yet, so he was not yet contagious to you since the virus is only transmitted via fecal-oral\n\nTake some deep breaths and watch a funny TV show or read a good book! :)", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "71umh1", "comment_id": "dndl5wi"}, {"question": "Scared shitless about therapist..", "description": "I have to see a psychiatrist on Monday for the first time ever; what can I expect?", "answer": "You've gotten lots of good advice.  Don't hestitate to ask the psychiatrist questions, either.  Since most appointments are just 15-20 minutes (a consult is usually longer, or a first visit), I jot down notes and questions I have, effects I experience from meds, issues, etc.  I do this when they happen so I don't forget due to muddlydepressiongirlbrain.  I bring the notes with me and if any are still legitimate concerns by the appointment, we discuss them together.\n\nI do this with both the psychiatrist and my therapist.  I keep a journal for the same reason, to track moods and mood triggers.  It's been really helpful alongside my treatment.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yd7bm", "comment_id": "c5upcno"}, {"question": "Caffeine and Anxiety?", "description": "Hello, I have been struggling with anxiety/depression the past 10+ years. I am prescribed sertraline (daily) and Xanax for panic attacks.\n\nI was wanting to see everyone else's experience with caffeine. Does it help your anxiety or make it worse? I struggle to focus daily and knowing I can't focus makes my anxiety worse and I'm less productive.  It seems I can not fully process. So I will drink about 200mg caffeine and that gives me the confidence to get work done. I never really get anxiety from caffeine like most people. So I'm not sure where to go from here. ", "answer": "While there's a hell of a lot more that goes into than just this, feeling calmer after taking stimulants can be one indicator of ADHD.  Inability to focus can cause pretty severe depression and anxiety.  A lot of times, undiagnosed ADHD can be the root cause of severe depression and especially anxiety when left untreated.  \n\nCaffeine in general will make most people that are already anxious more anxious.  It can be a good booster for those depressed to get motivated to get stuff done (as inactivity when there are responsibilities to take care of will cause a ton of natural anxiety).\n\nIt may be worth it to talk to a psychiatrist or even your general practitioner about your symptoms and concerns regarding inability to focus.  \n\nFor instance, a lot of people take ADHD meds recreationally.  They're stimulants and people without ADHD take them to get hyped.  If someone with ADHD takes them, it more often than not has the reverse effect and calms them down.   \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "731ha0", "comment_id": "dnmvqiy"}, {"question": "How long should you wait?", "description": "If things ended and you both need some space, how long do you wait before reconnecting?\n\nToo long may kill the chances of getting back together, though so too could trying to reconnect too soon.\n\nAnyone been in this situation?", "answer": "breaks should be defined. did it end or is it a break? breaks should be one month, with scheduled contact and no dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6belks", "comment_id": "dhlzojc"}, {"question": "My 8yr old has a bad diet", "description": "She is extremely picky when it comes to foods and I'm concerned that she's not getting her dailey nutrition. \n\nI make myself a protein shake in the morning. She does not like to drink milk. So, I pour a little bit into a cup for her, less than half a cup. Im making maybe a 16oz cup and I'll give her maybe 4. \n\nHer mom thinks this is a bad idea that's its not healthy for her. My argument is that now she's drinking milk and getting some proteins....\n\nIs it bad for her?\n\nhttps://imgur.com/gallery/oRa11\n\nThe protein in question\n\n", "answer": "You're giving her protein. It's not exactly balanced nutrition. Multivitamins and/or omega-3 might be a better option.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531mij", "comment_id": "d7p88sp"}, {"question": "Doing really bad mentally... have some questions about psychiatric medication", "description": "Hi, I have major depression and anxiety alongside ASD (Asperger's). I also have a substance misuse problem in the form of daily cannabis use, paired with stimulant use (MDMA, LSD) around 1-3 a month. Occasionally I'll lose faith in everything for the billionth time and I'll try something like Oxycodone, but that's a rarity, especially as I accidentally overdosed recently and had to be taken into hospital. I turned 18 in September, am a smoker and have been trying to hold down a 9-5, Monday-Friday job for 6 months but it's starting to feel really impossible.\n\nFYI, I'm 18, male, 181cm, 77kg, white British.\n\nI first got help in September 2018, where I was prescribed Fluoxetine by my GP. I went up to 40mg/day for around 3 months with no benefit whatsoever. After this failed to work, I started taking Cannabis regularly and that has stayed ever since. I was eventually referred to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) and the psychiatrist prescribed me Sertraline (went up to 150mg for 3 months) and I started work with a counsellor. Turns out the counselor was the definition of useless and the Sertraline had absolutely no effect like the Fluoxetine, with the only exception being that I felt more emotionally \"blunt\" than usual. From this point, I was seeing my psychiatrist every two months and I believe I quit 6th Form (college) shortly after this.\n\nAfter this and multiple suicide attempts, I eventually ended up back with my psychiatrist, this time needing something radically different given the circumstances. I specifically didn't want to try another SSRI, given that I had already tried two unsuccessfully and I was a few months from being 18, I asked for Duloxetine as it has no further toxicity risk than an SSRI and TCAs obviously do.\n\nUnfortunately, after going up to 60mg for 2 months, I only noticed adverse side effects (like extreme sleepiness, one of my main problems) and no benefits. My psychiatrist added low-dose (50-100mg/day) Quetiapine on after this, and I stayed on the Duloxetine for a few more weeks but eventually came off it. I also came off the Quetiapine after about a month since I noticed no benefit.\n\nMy aunt takes Pregabalin for her anxiety and I was aware of it as 3rd-line anxiolytic in the UK, so I asked my psychiatrist and he told me they \"don't use that here\" and he \"\\[didn't\\] want to add it to his 'medication repertoire'. That made me annoyed as I was struggling with extreme anxiety alongside the depression, and I had tried Gabapentin before with success as an anxiolytic, so I bought it and started taking it. It worked like a miracle drug and took a huge load off my shoulders. Just remember that at this point, this is the only psychiatric medication I've taken that's had a benefit. After about 2 months, I saw a gastroenterologist (for my IBS) and he prescribed it to me. This means I'm taking it for a psychiatric purpose yet it's prescribed for neuropathic pain... nevertheless, it still works.\n\nI started taking Quetiapine again to help with sleep as I tried to get off cannabis (failed) but I ended up taking a dose of about 150-250mg/day opposed to my prescribed dose of 100mg/day, which is what I've noticed has helped slightly compared to the low-dose. I'm not sure how to explain this to my psychiatrist, as he wanted to keep me on a low dose yet didn't even bother to ask me if I'm still taking it (despite it being months since he prescribed it).\n\nI also tried self-administration of low-dose Ketamine on a weekly basis (done properly with tested pharmaceutical Ketamine administered intramuscularly), and whilst it did help on the day, the residual effects were not great enough for me to justify continuing treatment. The one thing I did notice is that it is extremely beneficial for me when when I'm suicidal, and now instead of going to A&E for 5 hours only to be told to go home because you're not psychotic, I can administer an injection of Ketamine and it has truly remarkable results.\n\nI'm seeing my psychiatrist in February and plan to ask him about some specific medications:\n\n1. Buspirone, a serotonin receptor agonist, for anxiety\n2. Vortioxetine, an SSRI/serotonin modulator, for depression and anxiety\n3. Lithium, for mood stabilisation\n\nI also plan on buying some Tianeptine, an atypical \u00b5-opioid receptor agonist, useful for depression, anxiety and IBS as it is only available in Portugal and I wish to try it. I'll trial this before seeing my psychiatrist and will discuss with him if it's useful.\n\nMy question is, are there any medications I've missed or anything else that's worth looking at?", "answer": "Rather than add more drugs, particularly for anxiety the first and best intervention is to stop cannabis. Anything is is trying to paper over something that clearly contributes to the problem.\n\nReally, with so much self-administered polypharmacy it\u2019s very hard to know how you\u2019re doing underneath it all. First, stop other things for a sustained period. Then figure out what, if anything, you still need.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eo3vjz", "comment_id": "fe8f2bd"}, {"question": "What type of therapist is needed?", "description": "I am hoping to convince my mom to talk to someone.\n\nDad has some health issues, and likely frontotemporal dementia (behavioral variant, still doing tests).  It's obviously causing them both a lot of stress, but given the emotional disconnect with the dementia for Dad, my mom is faring worse.  Dad is now often incapable of compromise in anything, Mom is feeling like \"not a person\" to him.  Dad has just started seeing someone to help with behavioral issues (that was quite a battle), no idea yet if that will improve anything.  \n\nMom won't join a support group for herself or do couples counsling because she thinks neither will be helpful due to the dementia issues and 40 years of marriage issues and won't do joint dementia therapy because reasons???\n\nAny suggestions for a type of assistance or therapy that will help her deal with things?  She calls me to vent, but is adamant that it's not venting, that I just need to know what's going on in case Dad ends up living with me if she can't deal with it.  I can't do much from 500 miles away.\n\nAny suggestions for a specific type of therapy or support?", "answer": "Couples therapy isn\u2019t appropriate at this time. \n\nYour mother needs individual therapy to give her a place to process these changes and related stress. Your father needs to continue with his own behavioral therapy. Any licensed therapist will be able to support her in this journey.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5yxm1", "comment_id": "es5bd4y"}, {"question": "4 days sober, 2 days on campral", "description": "This is the longest I've gone in 3 years now, day 3 is usually the day I fuck up. Day 1 was a nightmare, I was absolutely seething. Day two was much the same. Day 3 I started taking campral, and things were a bit better, I actually got some sleep and my appetite returned (holy shit, i'm always hungry now).\n\nToday is day four, and I'm determined not to drink. I'm still waiting until 6pm up take my campral as it makes me drowsy, so I just need to hang in there until then and I'll have made it another day.\n\nHow are you guys doing? \n\nTIWNDWY", "answer": "Congrats! Day 7 here. AA is helping me so much. (I know AA is not for everyone.) \n\nFor today, I will not drink. One day at a time.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "gkuh5a", "comment_id": "fqtcpem"}, {"question": "Help for Anxiety/Insomnia", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You don't say what the \"maximum dose\" you're taking is. There's some evidence that higher than standard doses of escitalopram may be more effective for some patients.\n\nThe best treatment for insomnia and anxiety, both in terms of efficacy and side effects, is psychotherapy. CBT for insomnia is well validated and can be found many places, including in modified form online.\n\nOther possible medications include doxepin (Silenor/Sinequan), trazodone (Desyrel, but rarely goes by brand name), gabapentin (Neurontin), suvorexant (Belsomra), or Z-drugs (Ambien/zolpidem, Lunesta/eszopiclone, etc.), in roughy the order that I would consider them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e7zcgd", "comment_id": "fa99kch"}, {"question": "We are trying to save it", "description": "Ok so long story I pretty much cheated on my girl friend of 4 years. Now by that I mean I was talking to other girls. She found went through my phone saw them and kicked me out. Now that was 2 weeks ago. We have been talking she wants me to move back and we both want to fix this. I've been open with her about it. Told her everything. Now the only thing is. Is we don't know what to do next. We don't know how to fix. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60g91g", "comment_id": "df65jn9"}, {"question": "Me [39 M] with my GF [40 F] 4 months, moved in with her, somewhat out on a limb, need help separating out some issues and dealing constructively with them", "description": "It's only been a little over four months, but it's been quite the whirlwind. We met, we clicked, we had a lot energy between us. I can't remember the last time I felt that strongly about someone, not that I would claim to have never loved nor felt strong feelings for anyone before her. From the beginning, I have had to negotiate the terrain presented by the fact she has kids. Perhaps a little background on me is worth explaining here at this juncture..\n\nI have spent roughly the last decade in a series of sporadic, abortive 'relationships' and one-night stands, essentially living a hollow existence of working and going out drinking a lot, and basically womanising at any opportunity. Really only as a means to the end of hopefully meeting someone with whom I could have a real connection with. Nonetheless this existence has left me without children of my own, and my relationship with V has been a series of firsts, not least in this department.\n\nI feel I have had to do a lot of growing up in short order, and spend a lot of time outside of my comfort zones. I don't think I would trade that for the life I had, here I feel like there is more value and purpose to my life supporting her and the family.\nFrom the beginning, we haven't had the opportunities to properly 'date', barring our first date. Which itself didn't last very long before we went back to hers, as she gets no real support from her family for childcare and had had to leave her two younger children under supervision of her early-teens son, which she could only do for a couple of hours. So from the start, it's been based on being at hers and hanging out a lot in her kitchen. And those days have been good, we've put the world to rights and generally got to learn an immense amount about each other. You play the cards you're dealt in life, if I stuck to the convention of what dating should involve, we could never have gotten to know each other the way we do.\n\nShe lived quite a fair bit away from me and I've done the lion's share of the travelling, not that I resent that, but it couldn't continue forever. The taxis were expensive, eating a fair chunk of my finances and geography didn't really allow other options. Furthermore as I spent more time at hers, I was spending money both on holding down my own flat and also on supporting her and the kids.\n\nMoney is tight for her, and somewhat sooner than one would expect, its come down to a decision to move in together. Which we did, last week. Not without some apprehension, I ruthlessly culled my possessions and moved into hers. She has family and friends here, I don't. I did/do have a fear of it being too suffocating for her, and I'll explain that and more about her now.\n\nV is complex. And not unlike me in that respect. She is intelligent, intuitive and very fucking feisty when she wants to be. That can manifest itself in positive and negative ways. What's great about us is we both know our shit stinks, and will usually admit to our failings and misdeamenours and forgive each other. I think that's an important quality in a successful relationship.\n\nBut she has experienced a lot of trauma in her life, in her past relationships. She only recently moved back up north to this area, only some three or four months prior to meeting me. The previous chapter of her life was down south, with the two fathers of her four kids. The father of her older two kids was a manipulative sociopath, gaslighting and beating her semi-regularly. As one might expect, this experience leaves her quick to be defensive - in general I'd say it's given her a keen sense of 'survival' - which means I suppose she has trouble letting people in. Her subsequent relationship with the father of her younger two kids I would summarise as \"he was a nice man, but stubborn, completely lacking domestically and in the common sense department.\" As it was presented to me, at least. She broke up with him shortly before coming back up north with her older son and two youngest, and mentally and physically she'd left him a long time before that, spending nigh on a year going out constantly and sleeping on the couch.\n\nHer anxieties are compounded by the fact that roughly a year ago, she was raped whilst intoxicated by some semi-random acquaintance. It left her with what has been diagnosed as Complex PTSD. She has been in counselling since she moved back, once a week. If I'm honest, I do dread that particular day of the week as I know she will be bruised and battered emotionally, and hence cold, distant and on a short fuse. I sympathise, and know better than to ask about it. I try and stay out her way and tend to practical matters. She's a very expressive sleeper, she talks and moves around a lot in her sleep, sometimes crying. She has a lot of nightmares about the things that have happened to her, and to sleep with her is to know and understand how real it all is.\n\nOutside of counselling, dealing with the demands of her two younger children can leave her absolutely drained, and often she needs space in those rare moments of peace and quiet rather than to hang out with me and talk. She gets that burnt out by it all. I continue to learn to respect these boundaries.\n\nYou might wonder how this has affected our sex life - well for most of it, it's been on a positive trajectory, at least in terms of her slowly becoming more intimate with me and learning to relax and treat it not as an obligation she has to fulfill to me, but as something that's about her needs as well. I could get more detailed, hopefully you can read between the lines a little here. When we first met, we slept fully clothed next to each other. She was just grateful for a hug. Slowly we progressed to sex, at first treated mechanically, but as I say, we moved forward from there to something more mutually enjoyable and closer.\n\nI'd say even prior to moving in, we have had something of an accelerated relationship. We have very quickly got past the initial flush of lust and fascination, to a more 'married' dynamic, even before my moving in with her. I'm not a figure of fascination to her anymore, she doesn't have a burning desire to know about me and my day as she once did. Understandable. We've moved to a place in our relationship where we know each other, there aren't so many secrets and mysteries, and we're preoccupied with the necessary mundanities of life.\n\nIf that sets the scene for some of the issues she has, which I take on as part and parcel of who she is - and she is who I want to share my life with. We all have our flaws, there are no perfect people and it's questionable as to what the perfect relationship might entail. I have more of a handle on who she is, at this precise moment, than who I am. Nothing, or no-one, who was ever worth anything, was ever easy.\n\nWith her being an incredibly intuitive, and really learned in terms of the experience she's had in life, she has brought me to confront some uncomfortable truths about who or what I am. For someone who has spent a long time looking after himself alone, holding down a job and a place without family support or much consistency in my life in general - just having to do it all myself really - I am somehow quite needy. I hate that about me. I always try to put her needs ahead of mine, but I am sometimes just looking for a sign that I actually have a place or add value to her life. This can predictably drive her away. When I feel we're on the same page - when we're happy or chatting happily or whatever - I don't feel a need to know we're ok. But when she puts her barriers up, I tend fear for the state and trajectory of our relationship. A silent process of Facebook and Candy Crush therapy often ensues. I used to find this somewhat rude and ignorant, but I've come to appreciate the role they play in taking her away from her problems. As I say, I am learning to back off in these times.\n\nAnd that's another thing I've had to confront about myself since meeting her - I have a tendency to overthink. I analyse things incessantly. I don't enjoy it, I too am happier when I am just 'being' rather than wondering about the state of our relationship. Mindfulness, I believe, is the relevant concept. And I am intense. Too intense for her, she feels. I think that manifests itself as my wanting to confront parts of our relationship whilst she doesn't want to be dealing with heavy shit like that. There's rarely a right time to discuss these things. Not to get too drawn into equivocating too much, but she too is intense. Really I wonder if my intensity is unpleasant only when I'm wanting to talk about us. We're both passionate people, and that can also make for a good dynamic, on a good day.\n\nSo whilst I think I'm adapting and learning to deal with her kids, and her boundaries, there's something that really leaves me no choice for the moment but to throw myself at the mercy of Reddit. I have had an ongoing problem for a number of years - it takes me ages to cum, if at all. The sex life I said earlier had a positive trajectory, is now at rock bottom. I hate to be graphic, but most women on some level like to be, well, you know, as well as the more tender and protracted lovemaking sessions. And she's had enough. I leave her cold, and right now it's off the menu. I can get it up, I can make her cum (she loves when I go down on her, she's never had that unconditionally before) - but I can't finish the deed and that frustrates her so much. Of course, that feeds into a fear that she'd end up going elsewhere.\n\nThat leads me somewhere else - we quasi-talk about swinging. I feel like my love for her is pure, I care about her needs, and it's something she's occasionally played with the idea of taking back control of; the abusive ex-partner used to coerce her into swinging and going dogging, usually getting her off her face beforehand. This only comes out when we're intoxicated, and I think we both feel sober that we need to be good with ourselves first.\n\nI know how good we can be when we have our shit going on, but right now our shit is not going on.\n\nI'm not even sure what I'm asking of you, but I don't have anywhere else to take this right now. Perhaps as in the title, what relates to what, what can be 'fixed', how bad does it look to you?\n\nTL;DR: Her - PTSD, barriers, cold, distant. Me - Too intense, guilty of neediness, sexual problems.", "answer": "getting therapy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vb60a", "comment_id": "de0qmcx"}, {"question": "Mandated report question", "description": "I couldn't find an answer to this hypothetical, could you all help?\n\nVictim is mid twenties who brought up abuse suffered between fifteen and years prior. She's been no contact with abuser for ten years.\n\nIs therapist required to report the abuse be victim was a child back then or not mandated because victim is now an adult? Does the state matter?", "answer": "Don\u2019t quote me on this but I think in most places there is no statute of limitations when it comes to childhood sexual abuse.....but just calling the line they can tell you if it warrants report or not and maybe do that before you tell the client that you need to report it. Then gather info from the client (the agency can probably let you know what info they will need for a report). \nThings I would probably find out from the client: \n\nFull name and age \n\nDo they know where the abuser is now? \n\nDo they know if the abuser currently has access to kids? \n\nAlso remind the client that things will be kept confidential and that if anything comes of it you\u2019ll process and work through that as things come up. Then if there\u2019s decisions to make about anything you\u2019ll figure it out.  (Some clients may fear having to testify or press charges etc. and it\u2019s also opening up the wounds even more).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "edhjvu", "comment_id": "fblypb8"}, {"question": "Advice on early childhood experience", "description": "I know a lot of children explore their bodies and sometimes do so with friends, but I have a memory from kindergarten that has stuck with me throughout the years. As someone who's experienced sexual assault on different occasions, I'm wondering if this early experience could even be classified as trauma and what I can do to get past it. I've mentioned this experience to a professional previously and they basically dismissed it as nothing.\n\nI remember being in the back on class at a table with another kid. His parents ran the school, which was very small, a few kids to each grade. I think it may have been snack time and he turned to me and asked me if I wanted to play a game that he plays at home with his family. I said yes. He told me to pull down my tights and underwear so I did so and he touched me down there. \n\nI got home that night and was having dinner. My parents asked me how my day was and I mentioned that so and so touched my \"private parts\". Not knowing there was anything wrong with this. Of course my parents were not happy and came to the school to speak with the principal, his father. I dont really know what they discussed but all I was told was that people werent supposed to touch me there and I dont think we spoke of it ever again. I think a lot of shame stems from this experience but I'm not sure because I dont speak about what happened with anyone. \n\nI have flashbacks of this memory often and feel disgusting and naked when I do think of it. I dont know what to do. And I dont want feel dismissed again like I did when I brought it up to that professional. Am I just overreacting? I know it's common for kids to play and explore but I felt like I was tricked into something even by a child my own age. And it kind of disturbed me that he said it was a game his family played at home.\n\nAny help or advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Please no negative comments. It's taken me years to even bring this up.", "answer": "I think this is one of those situations where teo things can be true.  The other child's behavior could be within the range of typical childhood exploration AND you be legitimately victimized by it.  One does not invalidate the other .\n\nGenerally speaking,  this behavior alone is not cause for concern (same age,  nothing particularly violent), but that only speaks to the child who did it.  That doesn't mean your feelings are wrong. You aren't overreacting.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hoj01k", "comment_id": "fxi8hzw"}, {"question": "How I stayed sober today...a college student with 13 months (AA).", "description": "This is what has worked for me...\n\nBefore I relieve myself in the morning I **hit my knees** and thank my Higher Power for another opportunity to stay sober again, just for today.\n\nStart the coffee. Shower. Eat. \nI read the daily reflection in *Touchstones* by Hazelden, a morning meditation book for men, and then **call my sponsor**. We discuss the reading, laugh at ourselves, and exchange our plans for the day. \nIt's a beautiful morning.\nI leave my apartment for class with the *intention of being the best man I can be, just for today.*\n\nIts lunch time and I **call another alcoholic** in the program. We laugh and talk shop. \nI have lunch with some friends. \nIt's afternoon now and I do some of my homework. \n\nBy 4:30 I head to a church on campus to set up the \"Students and young people\" **meeting.** Coffee ready to go, big books and readings, check. I go out for a cig. \n\nFriends from the rooms begin to show up and we're laughing and having fun. The meeting is dynamite.\n\nNow begins the meeting-after-the-meeting. **Where many of us all go out for dinner and have fun.** \n\nI am back at my place and finish some school work. \nShower. Brush my teeth.\nI **hit my knees again** and thank my Higher Power for the opportunity to stay sober again, just for today.\nSleep. ", "answer": "18 year old college student with 12 months here. Everyday I put my shoes under my bed at night and take them out in the morning. What you have outlined is all I need in life to stay sober; a rigorous plan of action, a fellowship of alcoholics, and a power greater than myself that can do for me what I can't.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1on2lz", "comment_id": "cctk0kb"}, {"question": "I'm terribly afraid of dying but have almost no way of actually getting answers about whats ailing me.", "description": "Im 19 and male and I've developed rather strange ailments the last few months maybe even years. I live with my parents and am still on their insurance, I'm 270lbs, I vape, I have major anxiety issues, terrible sleep and fatigue issues, this weird constant headache (everything I've seen says its a stress headache but it comes with this sound of like a kinked hose running down the back of my neck) Ive had a mild arrythmia for the last 6 months or so (I'm on metoprolol for it), I've had what feels like shortness of breath for a while (probably 3 months), among a few others. \n\nso heres where the issue lies, I have a crippling fear of death, I live with my parents, and I live in Oklahoma. There are no real good doctors here, and even if there were I simply am unable to convince my parents to allow me to actually see a doctor within a reasonable time frame. For the last couple days my leg has hurt and given the arrythmia (which has no real cause according to the kinda crappy cardiologist I have had a few appointments with) and given the shortness of breath really makes me worry about an embolism of some sort, the issue is ive been to the doctor to discuss my problems (from the sleep issue which resulted in a cpap that has done absolutely nothing to help me, to an issue where Id wake up and fall asleep into near constant sleep paralysis.) and rarely if ever come out with any help, ya know theyll take my temperature and blood pressure and listen to my lungs but never really do any actual diagnosing. I think this is mainly an Oklahoma problem but when I bring these problems up to my parents they just say I should take some ibuprofen and a shower. Ive heard all my life that if you think something's wrong you should see a doctor but Im stuck in a position where seeing a doctor would be futile and my parents refuse to actually take me anyway so I just sit here completely anxious and lie awake at night terrified of sleeping. Anyone got any advice?", "answer": "You don't have a diagnosis, but that is not the same as not having any examination or testing done to rule things out. Presumably the cardiologist has done at least some of that.\n\nAt some point it's worth looking into how much your symptoms could be driven by anxiety. Anxiety, poor sleep, fatigue, headache, and arrhythmia can all be interlinked. You don't mention a psychiatrist or therapist or any treatment of any kind for the anxiety you mention. Why?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e4rutl", "comment_id": "f9f434n"}, {"question": "Offering to take other /stopdrinking redditors to a meeting?", "description": "I know that /stopdrinking is not about AA.  \n\nI will be 10 years sober later this month and I am one of the people that was ADAMANTLY against going to AA.  Once I got humble enough, I did, and it was what got me help.\n\nIt isn't for anyone, I know.\n\nBut for a lot of people (me included) the problem is not having someone to go to that first meeting with you or not know how to find a meeting or what to do. It's intimidating and humiliating for many.\n\nI read posts here and think, \"if they were local I would take them to my homegroup.\"  \n\nIs this kind of thing possible? Is there another subreddit where people can help others who are local?  Of course there are safety concerns, etc, but we all just have to be careful.\n\nJust a thought, thanks all.", "answer": "Anyone in Durham or Chapel Hill NC that wants to go shoot me a message.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2a09vo", "comment_id": "ciqa743"}, {"question": "Help on studying", "description": "Hey everyone! I just started college and since high school I've had a hard time concetrating and studying, does anyone have any tips?", "answer": "You may have to try different methods of studying to figure out what works best for you. Here's a big list, try whatever you think would work. Personally I never really needed to study outside of class much in high school so when I went to college it was a BIG shock that I couldn't just... remember stuff! I had to learn the hard way how to study.\n\nI'd recommend always taking notes in class, then taking the time (at least 1 hour per week per class) to review those notes, do any textbook reading, work on any homework, and actually REWRITE notes when I could. When I did that I didn't just copy, I would either go through and highlight or bold key words and vocab, write it cleaner and more organized, group similar ideas together, and go back to the textbook for ideas that were new or complex. \n\nI also always hand-write notes in class (the act of physically writing can help you focus and remember), but then sometimes type up a more organized outline. Having to rearrange things forces you to interact with what you actually wrote down.\n\nFor memorizing things I made flash cards. I work better with physical ones but there are apps like Quizlet that let you make some online or on your phone. \n\nIf you're an auditory learner, ask if you can record the lecture and listen to it again later. I had one prof actually upload her lectures online like podcasts. Those are good to listen to while driving or doing something else. \n\nAlso get a study buddy!! Your college probably has a tutoring center, or talk to a classmate or roommate or friend to study with you. \n\nAlso also DON'T STUDY WHERE YOU SLEEP/CHILL. I can't study in front of my computer at home because my brain thinks its internet time so I distract myself easily. Go somewhere where your ONLY purpose of being there is to study. Library, coffee shop, whatever. If you can't leave your building at least sit in another room or something. \n\nThe most important thing is that you actually make time to study and STICK TO IT. Put it on your calendar, and even if you don't have homework or its an easy week in class, study anyway or at least use that time to work on other things.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eq3bux", "comment_id": "fendvub"}, {"question": "My oh my. I made it.", "description": "My son turned 21 tonight. Probably 50 people at the house with more alcohol than I\u2019ve ever seen. Not a sip even after about 100 offers. \u201cCome on, your son only turns 21 once.\u201d  \u201cNo thanks,\u201d over and over again.  I\u2019m exhausted. Good night. ", "answer": "Well done. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8itb2f", "comment_id": "dyusv34"}, {"question": "Why do I always want to kill myself?", "description": "Even if my life is going good, I always have this impulsive thought of suicide. At random times I just say \"I really wanna kill myself\".\n\nIt's like suicidal thoughts linger round my mind eternally.", "answer": "This always helps when I feel like dying: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsB37KUAso](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsB37KUAso)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "emfo3o", "comment_id": "fdoh4ma"}, {"question": "I still love her. It's a bittersweet thing, the memories and all.", "description": "I was in love with someone once, first time in my life I felt truely and deeply connected.\n\nUnfortunately it came to an end, but looking back and all that's happened since then, I still love her.\n\nI don't know what to think or do really, because it was 2 years ago when we last saw each other.\n\nShe ended the relationship. She never said why, she never explained anything. She just walked away. My Hope, my sunshine, my strength, all the things she had given me, that I struggled with, that's all gone now.\n\nI look back sometimes and smile, because I remember how wonderful it was.\n\nBut most of the time I fell depressed and lost, like I lost the most valuable thing I had ever been given.\n\nMost of the time I don't even think about her, she's a 2nd thought that's been placed on the bookshelf to get dusty and lay forgotten. But mentally I'll walk by that bookshelf of memories and see her story with me there. \n\nIt hurts, more than I had ever imagined. I still love her, She was wonderful to me the entire time, right up until the end.\n\nShe wanted to say friends afterward, but after a few months, I had to tell her no and cut her out of my life, because she was killing me still being around.\n\nWish I could never remember her ever again, I'd be so much happier.\n\nI'm trying to date a guy right now, sorta. But some of the things he does reminds me of the girl I once loved.\n\nShouldn't it be that a new person brings new horizons and memories? I don't want to be reminded of her when he's being kind and gentle to me.\n\nI try hard to look back at her and I as a time in my life that I enjoyed and became a better person, but try as I might, the reality of what happened afterwards is constantly here.\n\nI got really sick, stress caused a lot of health issues, my bipolar depression and manic became unbearable, I relapsed back into cutting. And worst of all the stress built up and I had a stroke. \n\nSo sometimes I sit here in my quiet appartment, and try to not think about the one truely joyous time in my life as something negative that it ended.\n\nI still love her, I'm keeping the promise she made me agree too when she ended it.\n\nI'm still here Hope, I'm alive and waiting, I've made it out of that horrible place I ended up in. I'm safe and sound now, but I wonder if that matters to you anymore. I promised you I would, but where are you?\n\nI still love her, and I wish it'd all just go away.", "answer": "You know what I think? I think that this means that you have the potential to love someone like this again, might not be her, but you definitely seem like you have a lot of love to give. I've felt similarly in the past, but you might be surprised at how deeply and passionately you can feel again. It's scary, yes, but doable. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28nguk", "comment_id": "cicmf5h"}, {"question": "Advice on porn use needed", "description": "I've been attempting to give up porn for two years now.  Longest streak was 120 days.   Although I'm starting to have my doubts, if it's as unhealthy as Christians and nofap supporters make it out to be.  It's kind of freaky how they seem to blame most of there problems on porn.\n\nI have some dignoised mental problems such as anxiety and depression like symptoms.  So I find socialising hard and dating an nearly impossible task.  I'm 27 and I heavily doubt I will find a girlfriend because of my shyness and mental condition.\n\nI guess they advice I'm seeking is that do you guys think I will be happier if I continue to give up porn and masterbation, if I will most likely live the rest of my life alone without a partner?", "answer": "It sounds like you could use support around exploring sexuality in a healthy, non-judgmental, guilt-free way. There is no reason why porn can't be a part of a healthy sex life if done so reasonably. If you're watching porn instead of working, can't function without it etc. then you have a problem. But if you have something that you enjoy - enjoy it. Plenty of men masturbate and watch porn AND are in relationships. And plenty of men have depression and anxiety and are in relationships. You might benefit from seeing a therapist for support and helping you build up your confidence. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72x7aa", "comment_id": "dnm1e02"}, {"question": "Someone in my small apartment building is stealing my mail, what are some clever ways to catch them?", "description": "So, I live in a small apartment building only a handful of units and their's a dirty no good mail thief. Our shared mailbox has a hole were the lock used to be, so anyone can grab your mail. The management is pretty much nonexistent and hasn't done a damn thing, same goes for USPS. What are some clever ways to catch this POS and put an end to it? I was thinking of getting one of those glitter bombs mailed to my house, or putting something (that won't injury them) in an empty Amazon box and just leaving it at the bottom of the steps. Then, just wait for them to open it and hopefully catch them. ", "answer": "So what did you end up doing, when is it arriving, and what kind of box is it in? Asking out of pure curiosity. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "74yt83", "comment_id": "dod16nh"}, {"question": "Primidone side effects", "description": "Female, 48, 5'1\", 138lbs\n\nMeds:  Wellbutrin 300mg, Trazodone 100mg\n\nNon smoker, no alcohol\n\nI was started on Primidone 2 days ago,  50mg twice a day for essential tremor.  Doctor originally discussed beta blocker but my BP is normally on the low end and he went with Primidone.  I noticed improvement after second dose and I'm very pleased.  Question is how long does it normally take to adjust to a new medication?  I'm unusually tired and worried how this will affect me at work. ", "answer": "It may or may not ever happen, depending on the medication and the side effect. Primidone is a barbiturate, and barbiturates are sedating by their primary CNS depressant effects. I would say to give it at least a week, but I have no real evidence to back that up. Depending on just how low your blood pressure runs and whether you have any symptoms from it, a beta blocker might still be a possibility, although causing hypotension can also make you feel tired.\n\nThere are beta blockers that are more BP-neutral, but the mechanism behind that likely would also make them ineffective for essential tremor. I don't know much about it, though; that might be a question for your doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "92ob0o", "comment_id": "e375hix"}, {"question": "Do thyroid hormones fluctuate?", "description": "25, Asian male. 5'7 140lbs. No drugs, no alcohol, non-smoker, totally clean. No medication but I do occasionally take multivitamins.  I have some what seem to be thyroid issue symptoms. Got my blood tested and TSH and T4 are within the middle of the reference range, but my T3 is 3.2 out of 3.1-6.2 pmol/L. The doctor said I'm fine (assuming because the number isn't flagged because it's within range), but shouldn't it be a cause for concern that I'm almost hitting the bottom of the reference range? I mean, if I do another blood test, it may very well be outside the range, or if I did a blood test again at another lab, the ref range there could be different. I'm dealing with symptoms but it seems like I need to chase these numbers to legitimize my issues for the doctor.", "answer": "If TSH and T4 are normal than now, a \"low normal\" T3 is not particularly meaningful; even a truly low T3 would not be consistent with hypothyroidism in that picture. You may have symptoms consistent with hypothyroidism, but hypothyroidism symptoms are quite nonspecific, and in this case the cause does not appear to be thyroid-related.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9dytfs", "comment_id": "e5kwh9c"}, {"question": "Unable to eat due to anxiety (no appetite)", "description": "Hello,\n\nSo as of recently I have been struggling to eat. It all stemmed from a few weeks ago when I was going to go out to breakfast with my girlfriend (now ex girlfriend). I woke up and was hungry but didn't want to eat because I did not want to not eat when I went out for breakfast. The whole way there I was feeling super hungry and thirsty as well as very anxious. I did not end up going to breakfast, instead just went home and tried to eat but could not eat anything. I had a few bites of cereal and after that day I have had no appetite and eating seems to be very hard. I am constantly worrying about being able to eat and having anxiety over not being full enough. I am eating regularly but I have to force myself to eat. They're just small meals (a few waffles with milk, 1 or 2 PB&J sandwiches, bagels) and I am making sure I am drinking water. I eat about every 2 or 3 hours but if I don't I start to feel nauseous. I am constantly focusing on if I am full or need to eat more and worrying about when I will have to eat next. I literally cannot do anything else because that is all I think about.\n\nI just went back on Lexapro 5mg about 4 days ago (today is my 4th day) but I have not really noticed any changes. I am going to give it time and see if it works, if not I will have to up my dosage. I have been on it before when I was a teenager but now I am in my very early 20's. I also went and got my blood work done and just this morning my doctor called me and told me everything is just fine so I know nothing is physically wrong with me. I am going next Thursday to see a therapist as well and my GP in about a month for a checkup.\n\nHas anyone dealt with this or something similar? If so, what did you do to overcome this? I am looking for anything useful to try. I have been trying to research the issue but haven't really found much. The only thing I have seen is people meditating or exercising beforehand, or drinking smoothies and protein shakes (which I am going to try). Like I said, I am looking for any tips or success stories to make me feel more hopeful. I am starting to think negative and worry that I will never be able to get over this.", "answer": "I\u2019ve been there too.  Despite my best efforts I couldn\u2019t make myself eat.   My anxiety comes and goes in waves and only say it\u2019s most extreme levels does my appetite die.   I was able to drink though.  Maybe drinking protein shakes or something related might be helpful?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "aw8dc1", "comment_id": "ehknrgx"}, {"question": "[17F] Sudden temporary and complete blindness in both eyes", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Thinking more about this, one very rare possibility is partial seizure. Most first-time seizures without cause don\u2019t recur, so if it doesn\u2019t happen again there\u2019s only speculation, but if it does there\u2019s a small possibility that focal epileptic activity in the visual center of the brain causes brief blindness. A neurologist could help with that evaluation. The good news for they \u201czebra\u201d rare problem is that antiepileptic medications seem effective from the small literature I could fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gpdwvf", "comment_id": "frma2ln"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "I don\u2019t think anyone is ever \u2018cured\u2019 from their mental illness. If people are putting their stock into something outside of themselves that can be lost or leave, then it will eventually catch back up to them. I think it takes daily self care and managing as things come up. I myself have gotten to a place, after doing a substantial about of work, where I do find happiness and joy in most days, even though I\u2019ve always battled anxiety and depression. I still get my bad flare ups, but I\u2019m better at recognizing the preemptive signs and then taking really good care of myself during those times. I practice more coping skills during those times, as well as reach out to loved ones letting them know I\u2019m in more of a down place and I may be more flaky as a result, and also asking certain people to check in on me when they can. Truly it\u2019s up to us to take control of our emotional and mental well-being. No one else can do it for us. They can help us feel safe enough to make changes perhaps, but they can\u2019t cure us.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef0tbbg"}, {"question": "It's that time of the day", "description": "I just got done working, and I have to immediately switch gears and get working on my thesis draft, due tomorrow night. Normally this is about the time that I'd mosey into the kitchen and open a bottle of wine, as a treat for getting this far in the day and an incentive to get through the remaining several hours of work I still have to do. I don't really want a drink, but I want *something.*\n\n I think I want to be distracted, or rewarded, or both, because I am incredibly stressed out. If it's not my new job, it's graduate school. And when it's not that, it's the paralyzing anxiety of buying my first house.  I am so incredibly grateful for where I'm at in life, but jeez, there's a lot going on right now. What is it about me that I always take on these big life changes or challenges all at once? What is it about this time of day that makes a drink sound so pleasant when I know damn well it's not going to fix anything? ", "answer": "There's no need to remove all your rewards at once. Maybe get something else you can sip on or take a bite of. Drinking a lot of water also reduces drinking impulses. Just because you decided to not drink today doesn't mean you should be just white knuckling it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4kx4ln", "comment_id": "d3iirw1"}, {"question": "Update from 2 years ago.", "description": "Currently 26 year-old female. \n\n2 years ago I posted in this group and some nice people responded. If anyone cares for an update!\n\nAfter my post I ended up going to the hospital where they admitted me as I went into septic shock. I was hospitalized for weeks. My lung had collapsed and I was on oxygen. After spending 10 months in and out of doctors offices I was diagnosed with lupus. For two years I have been bedridden. I was suppose to start law school that fall that I was diagnosed. I went from working 80 hours a week to not being able to sit up without pain. \n\nRight before this virus I was finally working again (only part time unfortunately), feeling a bit better, getting stronger, being able to exercise more etc. \nI hope I get through the next few months virus free so I can keep trying to get my life back. \n\nThanks so much for your help docs!", "answer": "Thank you for the update. As is always the case with medical updates, I'll lock it. Good luck to you in your recovery!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frmu50", "comment_id": "flx6ugm"}, {"question": "Hospital IV morphine and heart rate questions?", "description": "20, 130lbs, 5'8\" Male, white \n\nCurrent meds: Levothyroxine, past meds, Adderall \n\nA few weeks ago I had an appendectomy but when I was in the hospital and they gave me morphine in my arm, I instantly nodded out and was in and out of sleep but I kept waking up enough because the heart monitor would start beeping. My heart rate would be around 38-45 and it would instantly shoot up to 70-80 before I'd pass out again. I didn't like how the morphine made me feel but is there any possible reason or this completely normal? I know opiates tend to slow your heart rate but it seemed odd to me at the time.", "answer": "That's a low heart rate, but not unheard of during sleep, especially with an opioid. Your heart rate will also be lower generally, awake or asleep, if you're particularly fit \\(endurance athletes, for example\\). When you wake up your heart rate also increases normally, and if you wake up and feel worried about your heart it can definitely jump. What you describe sounds like a fairly normal situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ffbhw", "comment_id": "dy32x9d"}, {"question": "I really want to quit :(", "description": "I keep on choosing getting blackout drunk over doing anything else.\n\nIt'll be the evening.  I'll want to go running.  I'll want to workout.  I'll want to go to the bar or gym and try to flirt with girls.  I'll wish I was hanging out with my friends.  But I end up choosing drinking a shit load and passing out for 10 hours instead.  I blew off so many potentially fun invitations so I can get wasted by myself.  I've been really depressed lately...  bad breakup and it still kinda messes me up.  Sometimes if I'm really depressed I don't even wait until the evening.  The earliest so far has been 11 am.\n\nI want to change, but I don't know how :/  I want to be the person I used to be.  The charismatic, successful, interesting, handsome, strong guy with a nice body that did good things for other people.  Now I'm just a chubby guy with bags under his eyes that can only think of how much better I can be every time I talk to a woman.\n\nI saw a therapist a while ago for other issues, but she seemed interested in talking to me again about my habits.  At first I thought \"fuck you, I'm happy like this\".  Every day I realize more and more that I'm not.  I hope she can help me.  I guess I realize I have to help myself.  But every time I relive a painful memory, it seems like the only thing I can do is take another shot.\n\nI'm sorry.  I was just feeling really bad tonight and had to get this off my chest.  Tips or good links would be really appreciated.", "answer": "I read your story and the thing that keeps wrenching at my chest is that you're in this alone.  You absolutely can't do it alone.\n\nI know it smacks of cliche, but we absolutely need each other in times like this.  Even if you don't want to do AA right now...please understand that community/socialization/brotherhood/sisterhood/whateverhood is going to be the only way to change (and sustain it!) in the long run.\n\nIn the meantime, I would focus on being as honest with yourself and with your therapist as you possibly can.  She's not there to judge; you may in fact be judging yourself and she can help you recognize that and identify what you can do to give yourself some peace.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "1aduht", "comment_id": "c8wh0ie"}, {"question": "I'm going to fail out of community college.", "description": "Today was suppose to be an exam day. I couldn't bring myself to study even though I didn't forget. I'm skipping all my classes, I'm going to fail ever single one of them this time. This is the last time I can take my math course because you can't retake courses you fail three times. I just fucking suck at life. I don't have any excuse other than just being worthless. I thought I was going to get out of it this semester, but I failed. I've been seeing the school therapist, but I can't anymore because budget cuts. I really wanted to get better I really did. ", "answer": "Everyone's good at something. EVERYONE. What are YOU good at? So, school isn't your thing... It was a learning experience. I know it seems dark and the end of the world, but school really isn't the be all and end all of everything.  PLENTY of people achieve success in life without ever going to school, and you can too, I promise.  Also, there's no time limit on school... If you decide to do something else with your life -- like work with your hands? Work creatively? Become an entrepreneur?-- there's nothing in the world that says you can't go back to college in 5,10,20+ years if you want. You can achieve a lot, honest! ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1exvi8", "comment_id": "ca50874"}, {"question": "Help with a situation with my ex husband", "description": "I just found out My ex husbands girlfriend got my daughter a dress for her first homecoming dance and is doing her hair and make up, I feel lost, angry and hurt and completely taken out of the picture!!!!! What do I do and say?????", "answer": "talk to him and your daughter and explain it's your role", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ybtla", "comment_id": "dmm74pq"}, {"question": "What is wrong with me", "description": "So I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, but i think I have something else too. I don't know if posting on here will actually help but having somewhere to record it would be nice, because due to these problems, i have a hard time relaying it back to my therapist.\n\nI act like someone I'm not, It's me but I'm lying about how I'm feeling or lying about what I think and acting like someone else but I don't even know I'm doing it. I say things just to make people happy and will genuinely believe what I'm saying, but I'll think back on it later and think \"Why the hell did I say that?\"\nI remember when I do it, clear as day, and I know it's me, but I'm always contradicting myself and changing myself and doing things just to get certain reactions and I don't even _know_ i'm doing it. It took someone telling me to finally figure it out.\n\nAnd when my therapist asks me what's wrong, I don't know what to say, because I genuinely believe nothing. But so many things are wrong, so many things happen, all the time, yet for some reason for that specific hour I'll believe that I'm fine and forget everything I was meaning to tell her.\n\nFeels like everything I do is to get a 'correct' response.\n\nWhat is this? Is it normal? Is it just social anxiety? I do it even when I'm not anxious, it's something I don't even notice I'm doing. I'll be completely fine, not tense, not anxious, but I'll act completely like someone else and have all of that \"person's\" intentions and interests. I don't even know which version is actually my default to be honest.", "answer": "Try jorunialjng when you're upset and bring it in to show your therapist next time. It's very common to lose track or not have things that have occurred fresh in your mind for therapy. There are also a lot of good mental health apps that could help slow you down and reduce some of what sounds like impulsivity in social interactions (which is very common with anxiety). ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "72xa3z", "comment_id": "dnm0i5v"}, {"question": "How do you stop obsessions?", "description": "I am currently in the middle of a 3 year obsession with psychology, personality disorders, narcissism/Psychopathy and personality theories like MBTI. It\u2019s all my brain thinks about. It is completely all consuming. \n\nMy brain will say things like you are a narcissist, have ADHD and are a psychopath. It will completely lose itself in self-diagnosis. It will be all I think about. I\u2019ll try to be assessing if the person I am talking to is a narcissist. Or analyse past behaviour to see signs of psychopathy or Narcissism or ADHD. I will constantly gaslight myself. Oh do I have it or not? It will be extremely difficult to pin it down. It will be constantly going off in my head. I will become suspicious of people. I will be watching movies and trying to assess if the main character is a narcissist. It will just not stop. I will be constantly analysing my past to see if I can fit any labels on it. I have seen multiple psychologists and they have all told me I don\u2019t have it. In short psychology is all I think about. I just want closure on what I have. I will see everything as a diagnosis. It will just not stop. I\u2019ll read articles on psychology. I\u2019ll watch videos of people who have my personality style to see if I can copy them to become successful. All I will talk about is Narcissism or ADHD. I\u2019ve spent 3 years down this rabbit hole waking up each day to think oh maybe I\u2019ll figure this out now. It will be very difficult. I speak to therapists and they all unanimously say that I\u2019m fooling myself. \n\nI can\u2019t stop diagnosing my family members and others. I will put labels on people. I will come up \nWith new ways of diagnosing myself daily. I will watch or read some articles and then regurgitate them to my therapist. I\u2019ll think I have finally solved the puzzle of my personality and it will just be disappointing. I can\u2019t control my brain. Originally I got into psychology to figure myself out and then pick a career on that. I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m stuck going around in circles. It is never ending. I cannot stop. Help.", "answer": "Lol I became a psychologist and channelled it. ;)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "i4pmh4", "comment_id": "g0zbinu"}, {"question": "Today I finally went to my school's therapist.", "description": "After so many years of self doubting, and my mom telling me it was a waste of time and money, that mental illnesses aren't real and that they're \"just a phase\", today I was able to go and talk to my school's therapist, thanks to a little push from my friends.\n\nI still feel as if I'm dreaming and this is all just my imagination, I never thought I would ever be able to talk to somebody about my issues, and I'm so glad I did.\n\nShe told me to go back next week, and that she wants us to work together in getting me better.\n\nI'm extremely excited! I finally did it!!! This is the first step on my journey to a healthier life!!!", "answer": "Also a therapist, and have been in therapy over the years myself. You can and will get better! You don\u2019t have to suffer. Doing my own therapy and having therapists who were dedicated to helping me is what inspired me to become a therapist and give back in a meaningful way.\n\nI wish you the best of luck! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atdqhj", "comment_id": "eh1ave5"}, {"question": "No booze is the foundation", "description": "Im physically fit. Im productive. MY sons love n respect me. I eat well. Im on point at work. I look at the world in a calm positive light. I handle challenges and set backs with matter of fact determination. I choose how i react. ALL of this was OUT OF REACH before i ditched booze. All of these improvements n upgrades in my life are constructed n predicated atop a foundation of NOT drinking. If i were to take a sip of the poison then my foundation would give way and all I've built/am building would come crashing down! Therefore IWNDWYT \ud83d\udc4a", "answer": "Amen, friend. 16mos sober and this was perfect for me right now. Thank you", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "aqjo9m", "comment_id": "eggs7iq"}, {"question": "Do you think OCD patients are annoying? What's your general experience with them?", "description": "I was reading a study on therapists and OCD and a lot of them in the study thought so and reading that made me so paranoid bc I worry so much about that. I always feel like I'm annoying my therapist/ psychiatrist bc I'm always apologizing and needing reassurance and worrying I'm answering questions wrong.", "answer": "I would say the work can be challenging and perhaps there might be times therapists might feel annoyed because they\u2019re frustrated that they aren\u2019t feeling effective. I think it is more about the therapists\u2019 own feelings of being ineffective which is frustrating, not actually being annoyed with the client.  The OCD (as a separate from the person thing) is annoying as I would imagine it is for you as well when you\u2019re struggling with it, but you\u2019re not at all annoying as a person. Does that makes sense?  \n\nThe take away: \n\n1) it\u2019s not you it\u2019s them and their frustration\n\n2) The client isn\u2019t annoying and the OCD can be annoying for the client too", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "efroyl", "comment_id": "fc28skr"}, {"question": "Are therapists required to break confidentiality over abuse that happened 3 years ago? (I\u2019m a minor)", "description": "This may seem like a stupid question to ask, I know. I\u2019m 14 and I\u2019ve been through abuse when I was in middle school. (3 years ago) I\u2019ve never told anyone I personally know before, and don\u2019t want to tell my mom. If I were to tell a therapist about my history of abuse, by law, would they have to break confidentiality to my mom or anyone else? I\u2019m extremely paranoid about this and just want to know what\u2019ll happen beforehand so I can decide if I really do want to talk to a therapist about it. ", "answer": "Well, it depends a little bit on the definition of abuse in the state in which you live. Some states define child abuse only as being possible from someone expected to protect them. \n\n\nHowever, in general, the answer would be yes, if you are a minor and been abused the therapist would be required to report this.  It does not, however, have to be reported to your parent. But I would suggest generally that is probably a good idea. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6waor", "comment_id": "ebynl9a"}, {"question": "I'm [24/M] getting yelled at a lot by my girl [22/F] and it's starting to get to me...", "description": "I grew up in a house full of women. No male in the picture; dad left far before I was born. That being said I'm naturally used to being yelled at a lot for any of many reasons, but I figured moving out was probably one of the cut off points for that. Turns out I was wrong. I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and aside from some light arguments things have been going very well. Lattely though things have been rough for us. We were victims of Hurricane Harvey and had to move up to PA where her parents live. I'm not really bothered by it at all and she doesn't seem to be but there was a small issue I had just before we left and it was that she'd overreact to small things and yell at me. Example; this morning we were going to a garage sale and she asked me to turn on the GPS, I said \"You need the GPS to get there? I don't think you have to make any turns until the very end it's a straight shot\" and in return she yells at me that she needs it because she could easily miss the turn and that I should stop \"yelling at her\" about it. Now one thing I should mention, I never yell. I've been yelled at too much and I hate loud noises so I don't raise my voice at all. We both agree on that but I'm told that the \"way I say it sounds like I'm scolding a child\". \n\nMy question is what should I do about this, how can I handle being yelled at all the time for small stuff like that without putting it to the back of my head and blowing up one day?", "answer": "frequent yelling is emotional abuse", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vgbz", "comment_id": "do1gm6w"}, {"question": "[16 MALE] Deeply impacted by an event that happened the previous day - PTSD?", "description": "Yesterday I was on a very casual cycle ride with two of my closest friends - we were simply headed to a nearby forest to chill and climb trees etc. When in the forest my friend's wheel flew off when cycling at a high speed and he was pulled at an incredible pace to the floor where he directly hit his mouth on the floor / rocks. This was the event but it's what happened next that I cannot forget.\n\nI saw him go down, look to my other friend and expect him to get up and laugh it off like usual - our group has never had a serious crash before. But instead I saw him screaming, rolling on his side with his face covered in blood and his disfigured mouth and lips. It was obvious that his mouth was filled with blood and that he lost numerous teeth and he kept on doing this awful wail. It was the first time I've seen an awful injury and the first time I've had to call an ambulance with my friend, flag down local walkers and get a Medkit for him. \n\nI felt completely helpless - I was knelt there in front of him with an open Medkit scrabbling around with no motives or anything. I didn't know how to help him especially as the injury was his mouth. Throughout the whole thing he was whimpering and wailing - I can still fucking hear it as I'm sat here typing it. He was in shock and that was possibly the biggest impact of all for me - a friend I've known since I was 10; and he didn't know the date, his location, what happened and kept on asking for his mum. It was the same face with 0 knowledge of anything, he might not have known who me and my friend were. \n\nSo far it's been a night since the event and I've been completely sleepless. I've been fading in and out of sleep but I get extremely vivid dreams of the event and reliving it, it fucking sucks. I was out having a curry with family and friends and I felt myself zoning out just staring at my food and thinking about what happened and reimagining it. I don't know if this is normal for a traumatic event like this, and especially how near the event was, but I really don't feel the same afterwards and have a awful feeling that I won't ever feel the same. Can I make myself go cycling or even return to the place - I dread it. I hate to think what my mate has to go through and the medical complications he will face.\n\nThank you for your time, and I would really appreciate some tips or advice.", "answer": "Acute stress reaction. Normal at present.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d2u7", "comment_id": "d81499o"}, {"question": "I've tried Effexor, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin with zero effect. Help.", "description": "I've taken each for at least 3 weeks with zero effect. The doc said I should feel something within 2 weeks. I feel like I'm beyond help at this point. I'm worried that I'll never be happy and I'm failing my wife and kids.\n\nHas anyone experience this? Is 2 weeks too short? I'm about to stop my wellbutrin - should I keep going? Feeling really stuck.", "answer": "2 weeks is too short to declare the medication ineffective. It can take up to 6-8 weeks to have any noticeable positive effect. But even if none of those medications work for you, there are SO many more. There are several other SSRIs (the class of medication that Effexor and Lexapro belong to). There are tetracyclics, tricyclics, and MAOIs--these are all types of antidepressants. And of course there's therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3uq89n", "comment_id": "cxh10mv"}, {"question": "how do i cope?", "description": "So the girl that I've liked for years and i finally got into a relationship and as quick as it started it was over and she ended up deciding she was a lesbian. It hurt alot, not sure how to cope with it and its got me feeling like shit. ", "answer": "That's sad. But she has to be true to herself, so you'll have to regroup and start dating again down the road. Don't take it personally; it has nothing to do with you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e82s1", "comment_id": "di8avrr"}, {"question": "Why did he look embarrassed and walk away?", "description": "I was really good friends with this guy. We hung out a lot but never did anything sexual or anything like that. A couple months after meeting and hanging out with him I had won a disc golf tournament and he gave me a hug and then leaned in and kissed me for the first time. I looked at him shocked and covered my mouth. He started saying he was sorry and walked away embarrassed. I wasn't mad that he kissed me I was just shocked because I didn't expect it. What do you think I should have done?", "answer": "My guess is that he took that reaction as rejection and felt embarrassed for going about showing you how he felt in that way (which to be honest, is a bit of a creep move given you weren't flirting with him or giving him any signals this would be okay).\n\nIf you don't feel the same way than that was the perfect reaction albeit a reserved on.  You could have just been like \"whoah there buddy!  We're friends but I don't think of you that way.\"\n\nIf you are interested in him, still nothing wrong with what you did given his approach, just explain to him that you were surprised and in the future, you'd like for there to be some conversation around this sort of thing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "f3c8do", "comment_id": "fhi0lrx"}, {"question": "DHEA/Testosterone levels", "description": "So my diagnosis a while back was in contention. One doctor diagnosed me because of elevated DHEA and minutely high A1c. My home GP disagreed because my testosterone levels weren't elevated at all - free, calcium bound, or total. Anyone else is a similar boat? Elevated DHEA but normal testosterone?", "answer": "Yep, I have elevated DHEA-S but normal testosterone (free and total), and a PCOS diagnosis. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "424877", "comment_id": "cz8i6zz"}, {"question": "Following this sub with years, finally got the motivation to see a psychiatrist.", "description": "The way that guy spoke to me was the most dignified talk I've had about my ADD in my life. Between friends and family making fun of me, to my old pediatric md claiming I just wanted adderall, I felt like I was definitely mentally off, yet still a human being\n\nGot prescribed adderall XR, gonna see how work goes tomorrow (am an RN, you can see how hard my day to day is), but I feel everything might just be, for once, ok", "answer": "Congratulations! I know that feeling to finally have someone really listen to you and get I right. Same thing happened to me this year and it has changed my life. I am excited for you!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4zvixw", "comment_id": "d6z8u2k"}, {"question": "Why are people so mean?", "description": "I made just one post on a subreddit about how I missed the old ways of a game I play. I was given comments of \"this is spam\", \"nobody cares\", and even people asking me why I'm so desperate for karma. I'm hurt by these people. Not even one person left anything nice to say, I even defended myself, so I hit them back, my post got removed for \"harrassment\". I see all these great people on reddit, with wonderful ideas, that even I have myself. Why is it when I try to contribute, that I'm the bad guy? Most importantly, how do I deal with rejection from the reddit community?", "answer": "Contribute more positive things. \n\nComplaining about things is easy, so a lot of people do it, but it rarely contributes anything good or useful. \n\nFor some reason, on the internet, there's a perception among some that if you genuinely enjoy something, it renders you vulnerable. That it's \"smarter\" or somehow better to hate on things because that elevates you above those things. Maybe it gives some insecure people a sense of control, I don't know. \n\nHeck, I wish I knew why there is so much negativity on the internet. I suspect it has to do with real-world frustrations boiling over and people are looking for an outlet. unfortunately many lack the perspective to realize that a year, a month, even a day from now their complaints will not matter; the only thing it did was make the internet a slightly more unpleasant place. \n\nPositive contributions on the other hand, those DO matter. Imagine holding a conversation with someone else who enjoys the things you enjoy, and you can talk about how much joy those things brought you - this brings even more joy into the world as you recall it. \n\nI'm sorry you got a negative reaction. Please don't stop bringing positive things to the conversation. The world sorely needs that.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8kg2y", "comment_id": "esoi2v8"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "It\u2019s pretty much guaranteed your parents play a role in developing those patterns. Of course there also tends to be a certain disposition.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a019y6", "comment_id": "eadsmdr"}, {"question": "I am looking for some good DBT sheets for Anger and over sensitivity.", "description": "I am getting some therapy for my anxiety issues. My therapist gave me some sheets for anxiety. The problem is that those sheets dont fit into my other issues: Anger and oversensitivty. She said she wants to focus all her efforts in the upcoming sessions to Anxiety. And then somewhere down the line we can look at other issues.\n\nI was thinking in the meantime I can try to manage these issues by myself because I need some way to cope.\n\n1. Anger: I get very angry very quickly. It raises my blood pressure and its pretty explosive. It can be based on something that happened in the past or something in the present(someone treats me badly, someone doesnt listen to me, someone is disrespectful etc.)\n\n2. Sensitivty: I am very sensitive and get hurt really easily. If something racist happens or even if someone is mean to me on reddit I feel bad for several hours. If a racist incident happens I feel bad for several days afterwards. A few weeks ago I overheard someone say that I look disgusting and probably smell like curry.\n\nI searched online and saw there were several sheets for each issues. I was wondering if someone with similar issues could guide me to some good sheets for these issues.", "answer": "Assertiveness skills such as those provided by centre for clinical interventions ( free resources), may help you to communicate through angry feelings in an assertive way.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "i43mhj", "comment_id": "g0jnlor"}, {"question": "Where to go for a therapist referral", "description": "I have basic health care and need to see a therapist for depression and anxiety do I go to my gm and ask for a referral or is mental health a separate case?", "answer": "It all depends on what insurance you have.  For most commercial insurance plans in the United States, you don't need a referral to see a therapist.  You can either contact your insurance member services (usually a number on the back of your card) to find therapists in your area covered by your insurance, or you can go to psychologytoday.com and search for therapists in your area that take your insurance.  If you provide them with your insurance information over the phone, they should be able to let you know if they take it and/or if you need a referral.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "duvs2d", "comment_id": "f7cet24"}, {"question": "Small button on leg that has been here for 2 months", "description": "hello i am a 14 year old male and i had a red button on my left leg for about 2 months i think, and im not sure if its normal because it wouldn't stay that long and im getting concerned, can you guys help me", "answer": "You have not given us a picture or enough description to be helpful.\n\nPlease reread rule #1 on what is required for a sufficient submission, but in this case a full description of whatever is on your leg is the only way we can have any idea what is going on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e0hnvl", "comment_id": "f8e8bxz"}, {"question": "I\u2019m going to be psychologically evaluated today, what\u2019s going to happen to me?", "description": "I\u2019m freaking out and I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going to happen, am I going to be hospitalized? Can I go back to school? I\u2019m so scared", "answer": "It depends much on the reason for the evaluation. The professional will likely start there and ask you about it.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b46bru", "comment_id": "ej4ghys"}, {"question": "How to I fit in better at work?", "description": "I just started at this office job. Most of the team are young, athletic fratty guys who joke with each other a lot. There's one middle-aged lady. I grew up a loner and never really hung out with guys. I've never been good at sports, I'm not very witty, and I don't know how to fit into the team. I feel like I just do my work and stand off to the side.\n\nIf there's like a manual on how to be a guy, I'd LOVE to have it", "answer": "I'm a firm believer that if you talk to people and get to know them, you can find that you have at least one thing in common with anyone.  Figure out what you have in common with your colleagues and talk about that.  \n\n\nAlso, if you've never really been into sports, give it a shot.  You might actually enjoy watching a particular sport or following a team.  If you like video games, try out a few sports games.  It's a great way to get to learn the rules of a sport and some of the basics while also doing something you enjoy.\n\n\nFor instance, growing up hockey was my favorite sport.  I played it, watched it, obsessed over it.  Today, football is probably my favorite sport.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that my freshman year college roommate who essentially became one of my best lifelong friends and I used to play Madden ALL THE TIME our freshman year.  It taught me a lot about the intricacies of the sport and watching it became a hell of a lot more exciting.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "900rym", "comment_id": "e2nugta"}, {"question": "I need some help on what I should do now.", "description": "I'm (20/M) and I like this girl (21/F) a lot. Basically, I've known her since my first year in college and we only got closer as friends last year, However, we've gotten VERY close. She considers me her best guy friend by a mile.\n\nShe's intelligent, beautiful and has a dynamic personality. I really can't stop thinking about her each and every day, and I would consider myself humbled to be with a girl like her. I always find myself blushing and trying not to smile when I'm around her, and I sound like an idiot sometimes because the words don't come out right, and I consider myself as articulate as they come. She's had relationship issues in the past, and her trust in guys has been wavering because of her experience, but she seems to be genuinely comfortable and happy when I'm around her, and I feel the same, perhaps to a greater extent. I haven't been in a relationship or so much as kissed someone lol.\n\nMy problem is that I want to tell her my true feelings about her (and I'd be completely okay if we remained close friends), but I don't want to run the risk of making things awkward between us if she doesn't feel the same way. She is truly my best friend, and if things were to change for the worse by doing so, then the only person I know who feels comfortable with me in her room, texts me consistently and can talk about anything could change, and I want to avoid that scenario by all means.\n\nShe hasn't told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and a part of me would like to think she secretly feels the same way about me, but she's hard to read sometimes. So I ask what my best move should be? We are clearly comfortable with each other, and I don't want to run the risk of losing her to someone else if she was waiting for me to make a move.  I also don't want to ruin the current relationship I have now. Thanks for any advice you can give!", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel and hope you're both mature enough to remain best friends if she doesn't feel the same way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64al4d", "comment_id": "dg0mw5o"}, {"question": "Junkie Grants?", "description": "I'm 23, been in recovery for over a year, and I am desperately ready to get back in school. I graduated high school with a 4.0 in 2008 and I've since been to a university, (some credits, some failed classes) a community college (two credits) and a technical college (no credits). I don't know if any of that really matters in this case. \n\nAs a dumb junkie, I let two loans fall into default and now I'm trying to pay them off. Actually, I'm paying the minimum oh both of them, but I think that counts for something. \n\nAnyway, I'm working two waitressing jobs and struggling to pay my bills. I said all this to ask if any of you have any information about this fabled \"junkie grant\" or any kind of financial assistance for people in recovery. (i did go to rehab) \n\nSorry if this post sounds disjointed and rambley. I'm on my phone in a mostly empty restaurant wishing I had a college education since nobody seems to be hungry today.\n\nEdit: I'm in southern Louisiana if that narrows anything down. ", "answer": "Look into collegiate recovery communities. I'm currently enrolled in one and I was given a scholarship and in-state tuition. It's been an incredible experience thus far.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1lhl5v", "comment_id": "cbzdim7"}, {"question": "[24/f] My boyfriend [22/m] is inconsiderate and doesn't seem to be willing to change!", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend is doing many inconsiderate things, both in bed and in everyday life. He is just plain lazy and when I confront him about it he says that 'I should know how lazy he is by now' and no remorse or whatsoever occurs.\n\n He doesn't remember special dates (duh most of guys don't, but he doesn't do anything about them even if I remind him) as our anniversary, my birthday, my graduation. He always puts his mother and sister before me (he still lives with them). He doesn't understand he hurts me when he sends hearts and compliments to his female friends on social media. He criticizes my apperance (I'm 160cm tall and weight 63kg), especially my butt, because he likes big ones and so he thinks I should 'get one for him'. He often calls me stupid, stubborn and hard to please, while all I ever wanted from him was understanding and respect, nothing else. He lied to me plenty of times and cheated on me once, 6 months ago and I think this is where our relationship started to worsen. And while he swears he understood his mistake and would never do that again, that there is only me, I can't bring myself to believe him and he gets upset for the lack of trust I have. He doesn't understand it is due to his past behavior.\n\nAnother thing is sex. He has good days but mostly sex looks like this - I give him massages, kisses all over, oral etc and I always fullfil his wishes when he feels like doing 'this and that'. He gives me a 10-minute rushed foreplay and springs right to intercourse. Even when I ask him for a certain thing (altho it is a serious challenge for me as I'm insecure about my body and sometimes I just feel like he thinks I'm repulsive) he usually says he's going to do it later but doesn't, does it for a minute and drops it or just plain says 'but I already did that to you, c'mon'. Of course usually he comes and I don't. He often tells me he'll finish pleasing me after a quick shower, but then after that shower nothing really happens.\nI'll just add that when he has his good days, he can please me very well.\n\nIn everyday life he is fun to be with, I'm never bored and I love him, but then I feel like I am the glue of this relationship. He is even so lazy that when we sit and watch a movie or hangout or whatever, he doesn't get up to get sth he needs but only tells me to bring it to him. And of course gets upset when I refuse.\n\nI'm starting to feel very bad about myself because I am a strong woman that takes no crap from anybody, yet I let this guy turn me into someone I'm not. I don't feel like his partner, I feel like his puppet. I confronted him about it many times but he never has an answer and I don't know what else to do. I am so tired yet don't want to leave him, so I'm asking you guys for possible solutions.\n\nI'm sorry for the long post. ", "answer": "if he won't change, you have a big decision to make", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qngy5", "comment_id": "dkymyd6"}, {"question": "How do I get through small talk?", "description": "I think the biggest problem I have is that I generally find small talk really boring and it is painful to do because it feels so in-genuine - I feel like I'm not being myself.  I also realized I'm selfish in that I don't know how to talk about things that don't interest me or relate to me. \n\nHow do I get around this?  I'm fine talking to people, not too nervous once I do it, I just don't have any inclination to continue if I feel the conversation is boring - thus I stare off awkwardly and avoid people.", "answer": "Try going beyond small talk and really getting to [know someone's story](http://donmilleris.com/2010/05/17/want-to-get-to-know-somebody-understand-their-story/). I think that will lead to more interesting conversations and deeper relationships to boot.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "thq05", "comment_id": "c4mt7hp"}, {"question": "Is it okay for me [20M] to lie to the girl [26F] I've been seeing for around 5 months about certain things she is sensitive about?", "description": "So the girl I've been seeing for around 5 months now has insecurities about a bunch of things, her weight, appearance in general, and 'being annoying'. I understand people have insecurities, but I feel like I can't be honest with her about these things in order to avoid hurting her feelings, and I'm not sure if this is okay.\n\nFor example, she has asked me \"do I talk too much?\" and when I responded with something like \"I feel like sometimes you get side tracked in your stories and it gets a bit long.\" She got very upset. \n\nShe has also asked me if I would prefer her if she was skinny (she is over weight), I responded stupidly by saying that 'she wasn't my ideal weight'. She instantly cried and the next day was super depressed (not sure if related or not but I think so). The only reason I said this is because she said she wouldn't date fat people, so I thought that it would be okay for me to say I prefer skinny people as well... I like her for other reasons other than her weight, like we share a lot of interests, and if we are talking physically, I think she has a gorgeous face. I don't mind her weight, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be more attracted to her if she was skinny. \n\n\nI've brought this up with her and she says that she doesn't want me to feel like I have to walk on egg shells, but she would appreciate if I was sensitive to her insecurities. I think it's good to be sensitive to peoples insecurities, but it feels weird to lie. Today she asked me if she thinks that she over eats and I just said no (which is a lie). She doesn't eat a lot, but I think for her height she could stand to eat a bit less. I know she really wants to lose weight so it feels weird lying to her about that, I'm actually steering her away from her goal.\n\ntl;dr is it okay to lie to a partner in order to avoid hurting their feelings about their insecurities? how much is okay if so? is this bad for a relationship? \n", "answer": "hard to walk on eggshells long term. if she asks, she has to own up to your answer.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x4agr", "comment_id": "dmczqo2"}, {"question": "Need some advice on how to get out of bed in the morning.", "description": "Hey all.  So I'm at a low point in my life right now for a few reasons, not all of which are in my control.  I've been pretty good this past month about getting on with things, but there's one thing that I can't really seem to shake.  \n\nI find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning.  I currently spend about 12 hours a day in bed on average.  When I'm just awake and groggy, it just seems to be impossible to convince myself that getting up is going to improve my day in any way.  I think it is really negatively affecting my life right now.\n\nAs background, I'm a grad student, and I don't really have any responsibilities in the mornings.  I have tried many things, hiding my alarm, arranging to meet people at the gym, but so far nothing has worked.  Even if I get out of bed, I inevitably meander back, generally the temptation to go back to a carefree dreamlike state is overwhelming.\n\nI understand that I need to work on fixing the underlying causes for why I don't enjoy being awake so much, and I am trying.  But until I can, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on forcing yourself out of bed.", "answer": "Have you gone into your mind and reset your mental alarm clock? What does your alarm clock look like? How is it reset? How does it wake you? When would you like it to wake you? Try it!", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "so05f", "comment_id": "c4ftcbx"}, {"question": "Has anyone experienced worsened acne/skin issues as a result of weight loss?", "description": "Please note: I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS but I'm about 90% sure I have it. I've always had irregular periods, excess facial hair, and acne consistent with hormonal acne. But I have an appt with an endocrinologist scheduled at the end of this month to get this shit sorted out once and for all. \n\nAlright so I've always been overweight but in my junior year of college, I gained a ridiculous amount of weight. At my heaviest, I was 250 lbs. I felt like absolute shit so I started limiting my caloric intake. I still ate terribly but just significantly less. Over the course of a year, I got my weight down to about 195. I stalled at this weight for a while and then I started experiencing all kinds of weird skin issues I've never dealt with before. I've had seborrheic dermatitis my whole life but it has always been isolated to scalp. A few months ago, it randomly spread into my ears, around my ears, on my hairline and around my eyebrows. Around the same time, I got a rash on my upper chest. Then these weird scaly brown spots appeared under my left armpit a few weeks later (these last two could be seborrheic dermatitis as well but my doc insisted the rash was a separate fungal infection...even though it sort of cleared up on its own). I've also seen worsening of body acne. I'm getting acne in places I've never had before. I had a couple pimples *under* my breasts...that's never happened before. I also developed these weird persistent red lines under my breasts. A few months ago I had a weird bump on my mons pubis. It eventually sort of popped and now I have a couple blackheads in that area. Wat. Yesterday a red bump appeared in roughly the same area. It kinda diminished today but again...wat.\n\nI've started eating better since the SD flareup. I'm doing paleo right now because I don't think I can handle how carb-restrictive keto is. I try to limit my sugar intake as best as I can; the majority of my sugar comes from fruits.\n\nSome of the issues seem to have resolved or are getting better. My facial seb derm is pretty much gone. It's still a bit visible in my ears but nowhere near as bad as it was. The brown spots under my pits (whatever the hell they are) also seem to be getting lighter. I'm down to about 178 lbs now but still it feels like everyday I'm waking up with some new skin problem. It's just like \"ooooh let's see what my body conjured up today.\" It's like a terrible game of Whac-A-Mole. You get rid of one problem only to see another two pop up in its place. Bleh this sucks.\n\nOne weird thing is that my periods seem to be getting more normal. Typically I have about 3-4 a year but I've definitely had more than that so far this year. You would think that means my hormone levels are normalizing and yet the rest of my body indicates otherwise.\n\nDon't worry, I have a physical exam scheduled with my doc (next month though ;_;) to get this all worked out but just wondering if any of you have experienced something similar. So sorry for the wall of text but thank you for reading!!\n", "answer": "Hmm. There was this brief period of time when I lost a bit of weight and my acne got way worse. This might have been because I was living abroad, though, and my diet was different as well. Not sure. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3nsn4v", "comment_id": "cvr080w"}, {"question": "Phone call anxiety?", "description": "I hate (Hate) talking on the phone or video chatting. Im not sure why though, can't seem to get over it, and it's gotten to the point where ive lost jobs, partners, and trust over it. Talking on the phone or over Skype just makes me nauseous  and sends me into panic mode. \n\nIs there anything i can do?", "answer": "I think most ppl don\u2019t actually like it. Exposure is the only to combat this. Get to a good psychologist.", "topic": "Anxietyhelp", "post_id": "eh7ydt", "comment_id": "fcgjl1j"}, {"question": "R/anxiety have you ever had Mono? Do you believe it's related?", "description": "I'm 25 I had mono this past November-January. I feel like I never fully got better. I'm overly aware of myself and have been having frequent panic attacks. I don't ever remember feeling this way prior to having mono.\nI went back to the md who dx me with mono during an attack he said it was allergies and gave me Xanax.5 I was taking them daily. I found a new physician who wants me off the meds and recommends tapering down to .25 and then to as needed. \nAnyone else with similar experience? ", "answer": "Psych counselor here: It is doubtful that mono is directly related with anxiety. However, excessive anxiety releases the stress hormone cortisol, which suppresses the immune system- making it easier for you to get sick.\n\nAs for Xanax- be very careful with that. It is intended for a few weeks MAX. Longer than that and you risk both brain damage and dependence. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "tq56t", "comment_id": "c4pnupx"}, {"question": "Concerned/Scared about syphilis test results", "description": "Age - 34\nSex - M\nHeight - 5.6\nWeight -260\nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - Current\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - N/A\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - hypertension\nCurrent medications (if any) - Levothyroxine, Lisinopril, Amoldepine, Zoloft, Omeprazol\n\nCurrent information - I have taken two syphilis tests - RPR and FTA-ABS.  The results:\nRPR - Non Reactive\nFTA-ABS - REACTIVE MINIMAL (Equivocal) \nI do not have any current (known) symptoms, nor have I ever noticed a primary sore or secondary rash.\n\nBackground - Several years ago, my wife was having an affair, which led to our divorce. During this time, she was with at least two men that I have been made aware of, but maybe more. I was faithful during the marriage, with the only stupid thing being done following the fallout - this event was with some acquaintances drinking, and during the course of the night, gave oral sex to one of the guys (I understand disease has no time limit, but it was all of about 10 seconds). I was revolted and did not continue it, and left after the incident. I have not otherwise had any sexual contact in 3 years with anyone.\n\nIn the time following the divorce and this event however, I have been wracked with guilt and worry, afraid my 10 seconds of stupidity has cost me, or my ex wife has given me something. Through various other reasons for testing, I have already ruled out HIV (oral swab), Hep (gastro gave me a full panel), and Gonorrhea, Trich, and Chlamydia. However, this past week, it finally got to me that I have never been tested for Syphilis, and so went online and had both the RPR test and FTA-ABS ordered.\n\nThe labs were professionally drawn at LabCorp, with the results noted above.\n\nThe Worry:\nAs my name might imply, I deal with SEVERE, crippling health anxiety, and am prone to doing too much reading and research.  As such, when the results came back, it has driven me into a panic, since I have read that a negative RPR can happen in late stage/tertiary, making me worry that I am now beyond hope (aka, doomed to have degenerative dementia, etc). I am trying to follow up my GP, or ideally an Infectious medicine specialist, but I would appreciate any sanity I can get for now.  Is the FTA test one that can be prone to a false positive? \n\n\nIts also worth noting - I am penicillin allergic, so even the traditional course of treatment could be a problem.  I can tolerate doxycycline, as I did a 7 day course 5 months ago following a minor (skin) procedure.  \n\n\n", "answer": "Tertiary syphilis is treatable; neurological damage that has been done is irreversible. It doesn't sound like you have any symptoms, so even if you did have tertiary syphilis it could be fixed with no harm done.\n\nBut while tertiary syphilis may have a negative RPR, it's unlikely to have a negative or equivocal FTA-ABS. I believe in the absence of symptoms a negative RPR and an equivocal FTA is usually considered a negative, but you could always recheck it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aax4kl", "comment_id": "ecvuaih"}, {"question": "PLEASE help interpret results, Lumbar puncture to check for MS. I do not get to see my doctor for 3 weeks and its driving me crazy.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Test results cannot be interpreted in the absence of any history. Please post the required information, including:\n\nDuration of complaint, location on body, any diagnosed medical issues, current medications and doses, any recreational drugs\n\nIn particular, we need to know why MS is on the list of things to be tested for and if you have had any other testing done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b31ftp", "comment_id": "eiwgw45"}, {"question": "Sister (11) suffered something traumatic and hasn't communicated verbally in over a week. Is there anything I (24, sister) can do for her?", "description": "Last week she suffered a very bizarre experience. We were shopping in a grocery store. I was putting things into the trunk of the car when she crossed the street to buy ice cream in front of the grocery store.\n\nOut of f** nowhere came two dudes with helmets in a motorcycle who grabbed her and cut a big chunk of her hair with scissors, then drove off into seemingly thin air. Police was called, she cried for like an hour, and it was all around horrible. That's the summarized version.\n\nEveryone is utterly WTF'd about what happened and just feel extremely vulnerable and confused. I mean, they could have just as easily *kidnapped* in the same amount of time/situation.\n\nMy little sis has not uttered a single word since last week. She nods and denies with her head but doesn't speak sentences and doesn't text anyone.\n\nShe has Asperger's syndrome, she is extremely shy and sometimes withdraws too much socially, but she does speak normally in the presence of people she feels safe with and she has received counselling in the past, particularly in kindergarten and the first grades.\n\nShe's seemingly not scared to go out of the house because we have gone out with her a few times ever since, and she doesn't seem particularly anxious about anything but she's not speaking it's kinda driving my parents and I insane with worries.\n\nMy parents tried setting up therapy sessions in one (or I think several) health centers where they have insurance coverage. However, the health care options aren't available right now due to the quarantine still being partially active where we live.\n\nIs there anything *I* can do to help her sort of find her voice again? Is there anything in particualr *we* should be doing to help her?\n\nQuick edit: She's very high-functioning and at least averagely intelligent. She did have some considerable difficulties with reading and writing but with therapy and help from us she overcame this relatively quickly.", "answer": "Watch some cartoons with her.  Chill, let her feel how she wants.  Just be around, no verbal communication necessary.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "gxc5q8", "comment_id": "ft1ojr4"}, {"question": "Friend [F/23] and I [M/24] been fighting on and off. Does no contact really ever work?", "description": "Hi.\n\nI'll describe what has been happening the last 6 months below. We've been friends for ~2 years now and we had a great run up to now. We said that there was going to be no contact, and that eventually.. We'll see each other again and see how things will be. But does that really ever work?\n\n\n\nFor the past 2 months my best friend and I have been having fights on and off, always regarding the same subject; Our relationship.\n\nWe have always had this bizarre connection, I've seriously never ever connected with someone in a way as I have with her and I'm a very social person. I have many friends, but what she and I have (had by now I guess) was like nothing else. I'm not sure how to describe it properly.. We missed each other, we couldn't go a day without talking to each other, told each other we loved each other and so on. It was almost as if we were engaged in a romantic relationship, except we weren't. \n\nWhen I met her I had a girlfriend (broke up ~8 months ago, kind of starting to realise now it was because of her) and she's got a boyfriend. Regardless, our bond kept getting stronger. At one point she invited me over to see her new place (she moved in with her boyfriend) and I figured we'd just do dinner and watch some TV. Chat a bit as per usual, but no. We ended up having sex for the first time.\n\nSex started to become a regular thing, and along with that her behavior changed. She started being really jealous of other girls whom I'd speak to, she seemed to get more dependent because she was constantly afraid to lose me. \n\nEventhough some of these things (+ things that have happened up to this point + the things she's told me about her past, which trust me, is a lot of baggage.) were red flags, I developed feelings for her and fell in love with her. I should have never allowed this to happen, because due to the signals she was sending me, I was convinced she developed feelings for me too. That's when the first minor fights started taking place.. I was convinced that her current relationship probably wasn't as healthy as she wants the world to think, otherwise you wouldn't tell someone who isn't your boyfriend that you miss him, love him. Let alone, sleep with someone who isn't your boyfriend and instead of preventing that from happening again let it happen over and over again.\n\nThe first big fight ensued when she told me about getting a mortgage **with** her boyfriend. Not smart if you ask me, so that's what I told her and with that the reason why I think it's not smart. Not so strange that I have my concerns, it could get her in a lot of trouble in the long run. This is something she obviously didn't want to hear. Nasty things were said, I listed all the things that have been said/happened and with that I called her relationship a joke and said that getting a mortgage seems like desperate attempt to salvage it. \n\nHer explaination for her behavior is that because of our very very special bond, that the lines between a \"friendship\" and a \"romantic relationship\" were sometimes vague and thus nonexistent. This confused her at times, which is why she slept with me. There is no spark, and so there are no romantic feelings and I'll never have a chance with her (her words). Just \"very good friend\" feelings (Hurray friendzone). Sure, she did things she shouldn't have done and sure there are things in her relationship she's not content with, but these were just things she has to work on with her boyfriend. It doesn't mean that her relationship is unhealthy or that she's unhappy. To this she also added that some of it can't be explained, her words were that she isn't sure what it is that I offer her, but apparently it's a void no one else fills properly/no one else ever filled up. How messed up is that? That I, not her boyfriend, offer her something no one else has ever been able to give her?\n\nI'm not sure what to do with all of this information, but I don't believe her. Don't ge me wrong, I want to believe her. It's just that I simply can't, too much has happened and thus we are now on no speaking terms. We said that we will speak again in time, to have everything calm down. Try and push a reset button if you will.. But does such a thing really ever work? I'm just scared everything will be forgotten. Life goes on as it does. That she'll replace me with someone else to \"fill that void no one else could fill\". \n\n\n\nDoes this \"taking space and not speaking\" thing ever really work? How do I know the time is right to speak to each other, what if she suggests meeting up and I'm not ready yet? Can we ever repair the amazing friendship we've persued for so long?\n\nTLDR; - Because of mixed signals my friend sent out, I fell in love with her. It's become a complex story but now we're not talking to each other anymore.", "answer": "when taking a break, always DEFINE what the break means. are we going to date others? are we going to talk? how much talking? etc etc\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ulqrs", "comment_id": "ddv3z6z"}, {"question": "I started my Kickboxing training yesterday. Need some advice, reddit.", "description": "I'm 22. Skinny. I was fucking exhausted through half the warm-up. The rest of it also went terribly.My brain agreed when it was told an exercise to do, but my body couldn't take it.By the time I was to fight one of the other students, I was so fucked up, I blacked out twice in the fight, and ended up with an aching jaw and lips cut in a few places, and puked..\nNow, I really want to continue this training, but I feel my body needs to be developed as the training goes. My trainer hasn't suggested me a diet or anything yet, since it was trial class.\nSo reddit, \nWhat is the ideal diet for a kickboxing beginner?\nWhat fruits, pulses and vegetables would be beneficial?", "answer": "Why were you sparring on your first day? Couldn't they tell that you were both exhausted and untrained when they put you in front of another student? This sounds shoddy and dangerous.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "23no0u", "comment_id": "cgyscrg"}, {"question": "What is your Adderall IR Routine? I'm recently back on it, and was given a weird dose by doctor.", "description": "So, I have medicaid and can only go to the mental health clinic where they're just overtaxed. The doctor prescribed me 20mg 2x a day, which seems like an overkill starter dose to me. I took 5mg 2x a day at one point. My doctor doesn't have the time to talk to me for 30 minutes about dosages, but I'm very appreciative that he gave me enough of a dose that I will be able to find what works for me.  \n\nMy problem last time was that 5mg seemed to stop being effective after 3 weeks or so. The provider I was seeing at the time wasn't comfortable playing with dosages, so I just quit taking the drug. \n\nI started with 5mg again this time, with some positive results. I take it usually every 5 hours. I initially stuck to 2 dosages a day, but I'm now seeing the benefit of 3 dosages a day. There doesn't seem to be much of a downside to this, unless you really get the full 6+ hours from IR, then it might affect sleep. I was listening to a podcast* by a psychiatrist who runs an ADHD clinic and he said that even XR users would benefit from one IR dosage after the XR is done working.\n\nJust curious how other people are taking this drug. Today I took 5mg, 5mg, and now I'm talking a 10mg dose to experiment with. I tried one before and had issues, but I was stupid and drank like 2 coffees during the dosage. I actually wanted to try 7.5mg, but splitting a 20mg pill into an 8th is just too imprecise, even a 4th is pushing it.\n\n* https://www.additudemag.com/podcast-use-adjust-stimulants-william-dodson/  \n\nPodcast I referenced, that I found very helpful and informative in it's talks about optimal dosing. ", "answer": "I started on 5mg in the morning then 2.5 at lunch then 2.5 im early avo. That became ineffective really quick so I increased. \n\nBefore I last saw my psych I was having 5mg 4 times a day. He recommended I try the full 10mg twice a day. Essentially, when your liver has more to process it does it slower and the effects last a little longer. This was great advice. I went away trying 10mg morning and lunch and it worked great.\n\nIt started to not be quite enough though, similar to previously. So now taking 20mg in morning and 10mg around 11-12 which is enough as long as I don't have to be productive after 4pm. Tuesday's I have a lecture 5-8pm so I take a half at around 4. \n\nI have had to give up coffee. For me personally (emphasise this) 20mg twice a day is too much even now, 7 weeks in. But my psychiatrist prescribe me 20mg a day from the start. It may be that your psychiatrist has given you a maximum and not put it in so many words? My psych said have a script for two a day but that's not what I expect you to take, it's a max and just try everything for now.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22el5", "comment_id": "eiq3jge"}, {"question": "Wow totally forgot I had concert tickets tonight", "description": "And I really wanted to go to this show :/ \n\nThanks ADHD, you\u2019re always here to waste my time and money ", "answer": "I thought I had weeks to plan for a babysitter. Turns out the concert is in three days so I've had to rush it which wasn't my plan.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akktk4", "comment_id": "ef62h2y"}, {"question": "I can\u2019t donate blood again, because I am O- and I received a shot for my baby being O+. Why is that?", "description": "30, female. I was told I couldn\u2019t never donate again, despite having O- blood, because I received a shot for my baby being O+. Never can donate again.  \n\nWhy is this?", "answer": "I'm not a blood banker, but I've never heard of that restriction. Where did you hear it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "clrzgb", "comment_id": "evxg5gv"}, {"question": "Constant Brain Fog", "description": "Male/ 20/ 240lbs/ 1200mg Sodium Valproate (5 months)/ 10mg Abilify (3 weeks)/ 150mg Levothyroxine (1 year, stable level)\n\nHi, I'm experiencing brain fog which just will not go away and it's making it really difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. I think I've had it for the past 5 years. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/Depression, Bulimia, OCD, and Anxiety, but despite the medications I've been on the fog won't go away. I also suffer from: muscle/head aches, fatigue, restless sleep (which makes even minor exercise incredibly difficult). \n\nI don't know what to do at this point. Is it possible this brain fog is due to a health problem, rather than mental?  ", "answer": "Valproate and Abilify can both be sedating. In addition, valproate can raise your ammonia level, which can make you fatigued and confused and out of it. Has your ammonia level been checked? For that matter, has your valproate level been checked? And are these meds helping any of your symptoms if not the fog?\n\nIt's always possible that your problems are \"organic\" rather than mental, as the jargon goes. Is your TSH normal? If it's on the high end of normal it might be worth trying an increase in levothyroxine. And then the usual suspects: anemia, B12 deficiency, and maybe rheumatoid labs if aches and fatigue fit the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ac07y", "comment_id": "dwxr0d6"}, {"question": "Help [27f] living with an almost-cheater [26m]!", "description": "Hi all,\nMy SO and I have been dating for a little over 2 years. \n\n6 months ago we moved to a new city together and it has been absolutely amazing. We spend every day together and love each other very much.\n\n Since we have started dating, I have known he has a problem with drinking. As he says, he has trouble stopping once he starts. I also like drinking, so it's hard because he has a different experience with alcohol than I do. \n\nMost of the time when we go drinking out it's okay, but once in a while he crosses a line and gets...weird. Not physical or abusive, but just out of his mind. He doesn't know how to speak, loses his motor abilities, dead eyes, etc. Again, it's not every time he drinks.\n\nLast weekend we went out to a bar for a friend's birthday. It didn't seem like he was drinking that much but before I knew what was happening he was *dark* drunk. He insisted we go to another bar near our house and I went for one drink but got annoyed because he wasn't making sense verbally / could barely sit on his barstool. I know it was not nice of me to desert him in that state, but i said \"fuck it\" and went home to sleep around 1am.\n\nAround 5am, he comes in and gets in bed, completely incoherent. I ask him where he was and he just seemed totally out of it. We went to sleep. The next morning, I looked at his phone and he had a new facebook friend, a girl he met at the bar. \n\nShe had FB messaged him saying she could see him outside the bar from her window and told him to get home safe. He asks her \"why she didn't go home with him\" and she says \"you were being weird and drunk, and you have a girlfriend\" to which he says \"great point.\" They end the conversation with him saying \"you're gorgeous and I tried\" and he had typed a message about how he was going to \"make her cum\" but hadn't sent it. \n\nHe has always been such a respectful guy and I was completely caught off guard by these messages (which I read the morning of Valentine's Day, ugh).\n\nHe didn't remember the girl or the messages and was completely humiliated / furious at himself. I broke up with him and asked him to stay with friends, and he has been completely understanding.\n\nWe were going to re-sign our lease this month and I was so happy at the thought of living with him for another year. Our relationship has been amazing, and both of us thought we would be together forever. I don't want to regret losing our apartment and life in this new city. Am I being too harsh by ending things? I'm so afraid of this happening again and I feel like I can't stay with him and keep my dignity intact.\n\nTL;DR: blackout drunk boyfriend of 2yrs. almost goes home with a random bar babe. We moved to a new city together and I need to decide whether to cut-and-run or try and rebuild.\n\nEDIT: Forgot to mention, he talked to the girl the next day to verify that nothing physical happened, and then told her they shouldn't speak again.", "answer": "If you can't keep your dignity, then I wouldn't stay.  I'm sure he is a good guy when sober and probably wouldn't hit on other chicks.  But when he's that sloshed, he has no semblance of judgment.  It might depend on how often this black-out thing happens... But if you've ultimately lost respect, it will probably be an uphill battle to keep the relationship going.    ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2wlbhi", "comment_id": "corwkeu"}, {"question": "Introduction. 10-30 drinks a day for the last two years. Day eight.", "description": "\"I don't know how to tell my parents that I'm dating an alcoholic college dropout.\"\n\nHearing that from my girlfriend really pushed me. I haven't been sober for this long in months, and it's starting to feel pretty good.\n\nI almost drank tonight. I drove to the liquor store, parked there, but got out and went into the store next to it and bought some candy and some more sparkling water.\n\nPriorities are to stay sober and get myself together. Going back to college in the fall!", "answer": "Nice! I\u2019m sober with you today. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7dgugg", "comment_id": "dpy3h8f"}, {"question": "[23/m] My friendly acquaintance [22/f] mistook my friendliness for romantic interest and kind of freaked out. How do I salvage it?", "description": "I met a girl at a mutual friends party a while back, and we spent most of the time there just hanging out, having a great time. I didn't expect to see her again, but a few months later she started working at my go to pizza place and we reconnected. So for three months whenever she was there, I always chatted with her and we got along really well. Eventually I decided I wanted to invite her out to the bars with a few friends of mine because I always enjoyed my time with her and I'd like to befriend her. \n\nShe misheard it and thought I was asking her out on a date, just stared at me as though I lost my mind, and told me \"Sorry, I don't accept invitations like that. At work.\" She didn't make eye contact and seemed outright scared. I didn't fully get what she meant so I just told her that it's ok and I understand. She went right back to being friendly as I was leaving, however.\n\nA month and a half later I find her on facebook and send her a friend request. It's been a week and no response either way. So my question is, how do I get past the awkwardness of that? I never contacted her to explain I wasn't trying to ask her out because I didn't want to make her more uncomfortable. Or is it too late to mend fences? We got along great and I think it would be a shame to lose that over an unfortunate misunderstanding.", "answer": "just clarify feelings together and go back to what you had.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msija", "comment_id": "dc605id"}, {"question": "Idea behind psychodynamic therapy", "description": "Hello,\n\nQuestion regarding psychodynamic therapy: is it therapist job to reparent the client, provide secure attachement base, show the client they are lovable and provide corrective experience with primary attachement figure? I know it is the case for some other forms of therapy if this is what client needs. I.e. To talk to client in a way client should be talked to by parents. Do psychodynamic therapist offer unconditional possitive regard or this is not the part of therapy and actually opposite: the therapist challenges the client and tells them sometimes critical and negative remarks about them? What about \"therapeutic love\" ? Is it important that client feels this or not in this form of therapy? \n\nI am asking casue I have certain critique for my ex therapist but I realize that maybe I dont know enough about psychodynamic therapy to expect i.e unconditional possitive regard or that therapist is interested in my life in general and they express that. \nI read that Freud described therapy as \"Die Heilung durch die Liebe\" (healing through love) but my therapist tells me it is not nessesary for therapist to care so deeply and they can still have great results. \n\nI would appreciate information about the importance of the bond in this type of therapy.", "answer": "Unconditional positive regard is typically associated with Rogerian/Humanistic/Person Centered therapy.  \n\nI am not familiar with \"therapeutic love\" and the \"negative remarks\" sounds more like Perls.\n\nWhere are you getting your info about psychodynamic therapy ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gp5fst", "comment_id": "frmfr2l"}, {"question": "Is 150mg of sertraline a lot?", "description": "I've been taking 100mg daily and my psychiatrist just told me to increase my dosage to 150mg. Can it cause any side effects? I haven't had any serious side effects for 100mg except the weight gain but it might not be because of that bc my appetite hasn't changed at all and for some weird reason i've been gaining weight. So is 150mg a lot??", "answer": "No, that's still within normal dose range. It can have side effects\u2014any medication or change can potentially have side effects\u2014but usually if you tolerate a lower dose well an increase doesn't cause sudden new problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eza4ki", "comment_id": "fglyubk"}, {"question": "It is possible to just be naturally unliked?", "description": "I am not an ass. I don't go around insulting people. I am quiet, takes me a moment to warm up to other people. I am not naturally charming, sometimes I say something that people laugh at.\n\nI am not shy.\n\nI am a mix of alpha and beta. Maybe I am just unlucky, maybe I just give off bad vibes.\n\nIt's so weird. *shrugs*\n", "answer": "How much do you like other people.   Generally if you show genuine interest, people will like you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zvc5p", "comment_id": "cfxd3mm"}, {"question": "Advice on trying to be confident enough to find love with PCOS", "description": "I'm nearly 26 and I have only been on 2 single dates in my life - never had a boyfriend or anything approaching, never even held hands or kissed and definitely nothing sexual. Hopefully you can understand why I feel like a bit of an odd one out when most girls my age have reached those milestones years ago, and I'm surrounded by people in relationships.\n\nAnyway, my PCOS has developed over the past few years and got really bad. I've got acne, excessive body hair, oily skin, weight around my stomach, lots of sweating, depression, mood swings...a full complement of 'unattractive' symptoms, which makes me feel miserable all the time. I'd obviously really like to find a relationship as I feel so lonely all the time (I live and work mostly alone, and don't have many friends in the immediate vicinity) but my confidence in myself because of these symptoms is rock bottom and I don't know how to fix it. I'm trying to treat them all with no luck, and they're making me so shy with doing anything and I just want to hide myself constantly. The thought of allowing a boy to get close enough to my face to see the hair around my chin and jaw makes me want to die. This is all on top of other unrelated physical things like my huge shoulders and horrible teeth.\n\nI've been using dating apps for a few months and although I get some matches, I'm so convinced they'll think my body and how I act is repulsive when they meet me even if I look good in photos - past dates haven't exactly gone anywhere after just one meeting. The boys I like on there very rarely like me! I realise for not finding anyone at all in 26 years through school and uni and work, I probably need to work on other things too!! But I think I'm relatively 'normal' - I have a good career, good family and friends, interests and hobbies, and can do okay in social situations. Has anyone else managed to get anywhere from this point??", "answer": "If there\u2019s one thing I learned from my time dating it is to fake it \u2018till you make it and that confidence is sexy. \n\nWe are our biggest critics. Everyone has something they don\u2019t like about their body. I\u2019m obese and was talking with a coworker who had a baby recently. She\u2019s of a healthy weight, and super pretty, used to do some catalogue modeling. She was talking about how out of shape she is and joking that she was nowhere near a \u2018bikini body\u2019.\n\nI find it hilarious. I\u2019d stab a bitch for her body. But a few extra pounds and the natural things that happen to a body directly after pregnancy are just consuming her self image. \n\nThere are things you can do for PCOS to help, and if it makes you feel good to go hung go for them then do that! But sometimes it also feels (and physiologically is) an uphill battle. \n\nI own what I\u2019ve got. I know what clothes and make up styles are most flattering and then I just go out into the world with my head held high. \n\nI\u2019m kind, funny, smart, and a good listener. There is a ton of stuff that makes a person attractive that have nothing to do with physical appearance. \n\nI admit there are totally times where I feel like I\u2019m putting lipstick on a pig. Especially when I don\u2019t want to wear a bra, even though it makes a dramatic improvement in appearance for my figure. We all have those thoughts. \n\nYou are a worthy person. You have qualities that a partner will cherish. Fake the confidence till you have the confidence. Figure out what your awesome qualities are and remind yourself of them daily. You will eventually start to believe that you\u2019re an awesome human being that other people would be happy to be in a relationship with. \n\nRelationships are one of those places where looks do matter to some people and it does shrink the dating pool. But do you really want to date someone who dismisses you on looks alone? \n\nSincerely,\nA happily married, fat, PCOS chick who paid her dues in the dating pool a few years back", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8wmsyv", "comment_id": "e1x24ld"}, {"question": "What am I doing that will explain why any S/O of mine just leaves me?", "description": "i am 17 and have been in 3 relationships throughout my life. I've learned not to be too clingy nor too distant, never once cheated, I've waited months while someone's been in a different country, I'm funny, trustworthy and not to sound vain but rather pretty. When I'm in a relationship I'm just a normal, good girlfriend. I've come to the conclusion either I've been doing something wrong or my ex's are just assholes. What is the problem?", "answer": "It's impossible to know what's in someone else's head. Most of the time they don't even know. Don't take it personally. Just be you. Someone WILL love you. Period.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6h8ium", "comment_id": "diwg7n9"}, {"question": "How do I help my mother to help my father to get help?", "description": "My father is a severe alcoholic with un-diagnosed mental issues. He suffers from delusions, anger, mood swings, and more. I'm not a doctor, and know nothing about mental health really besides some anxiety and depression that I suffer from myself. He will not get help, and he is losing his mind and it is killing my mother. He stays up all night drinking and talking to some fake catfish girl online while my mother can't sleep and shes in her 60s and works a full time job. He just drinks all night and goes to bed at 8 in the morning, then sleeps all day. Who can my mom call? She is having a very hard time with this and I don't know what to tell her. She goes back and forth because she's worried he'll die in the hospital and that he's too far gone for help, but also says she can't deal with this anymore. ", "answer": "Do you believe that the alcohol is causing the mental health problems or did they exist before he struggled with drink?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5zj4qk", "comment_id": "deys5ci"}, {"question": "[19/f] I had my first date with someone I met on Tinder [20/m]", "description": "Two weeks ago I matched with a cute guy who shared my similar interests on Tinder. We started texting on the app until he gave me his number, a week ago. We have been texting at least once a day (nothing sexual- just questions about each other). He has always been forward and initiated most of relationship. He was the one to give me his number and he was persistent in asking me out. I finally agreed to it and we went out two days ago (2/15) to a restaurant.  I really enjoyed getting to know him and he was so sweet. After dinner he walked me to my apartment and we kissed in front. This was my first kiss and it was extremely awkward- he snuck in tongue almost immediately and put his hand on my butt. I was clueless in what to do and basically froze. After 30s I moved my head to give him hug goodbye (but he took it as a signal in getting more air and tried to kiss me again). I stammered out a goodbye and ran into my apartment. It has been 24 hrs without a text from him, and I'm worried that he doesn't like me. I really like him and I feel bad that I didn't tell him I had any experience prior to our date. I know he probably sounds sleazy from my description but I swear he was a gentleman! Should I text him or should I see that him not texting me back is a sign that he's not that into me? ", "answer": "It definitely seems like he likes you! I think he probably interpreted you running away and not \"putting out\", so to speak, as you not being interested. Maybe he took it as a rejection and is embarrassed.  \nYou like him, and he likes you, so don't let this little misunderstanding get in the way of anything. It may feel hard, but try to be honest and just say that you're not very experienced and didn't know what to do. No need to feel embarrassed about that, either. You're only 19. And many guys actually like women who are inexperienced (the whole \"purity,\" virgin thing...plus it can be cute)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uk4br", "comment_id": "ddurizm"}, {"question": "Delirium and Shortness of Breath in Myopathy", "description": "I have had muscle symptoms such as burning and weakness for about 4 years. One year ago, I started experiencing brain fog and difficulty breathing when lying down that has progressed to confusion and delirium and shortness of breath. \n\nI have had pulmonary function testing and a short sleep study. The PFT showed slow inspiration (peak inspiratory flow) at 32% of expected and 70% expected max expiratory pressure. Other values were normal. Sleep study was only 2.5 hours and didnt show hypoventilation, just a range of oxygen sat. between 85% and 96%.\n\nI have extreme trouble processing things, speaking, reading, and a very high heart rate with slight exertion with palpitations. Every doctor says I dont need night time ventilation, but I have somewhat been dismissed. I want to know how I can get treatment such as ventilation, at least at night.\n\nmuscle biopsy: https://imgur.com/a/UYdECu3\n\nPFT: https://imgur.com/a/3I6geLp\n\nsleep study: https://imgur.com/a/ZJjGpdV\n\nCanada - Male - 200 cm - 90kg - non smoker - no alcohol", "answer": "What is your question?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aumnh3", "comment_id": "eh9440x"}, {"question": "My roomate has his girlfriend over for the weekend.", "description": "I'm not exactly sure what to do. I've been stressing over this all day because I want to sleep in the room we share, but she will be there. It will be extremely awkward for me. This is the most anxiety I've had in awhile. My roommate only gave me 12 hour notice, which I find extremely rude. He should at least tell me a week in advance. Last night when he told me, he said \"feel free to sleep here or go to our friend danny's room because he has an extra bed.\" Is this normal speak for get the hell out? My assertive side says \"go to your damn room and sleep there because you pay for that shit\". My awkward side says \"sleep on the kitchen floor man, that's too much anxiety\". What the hell do I do? I do not want to change my fucking daily routine and move over just because she is here, but I also don't want to enrage people. Am I the creep ,or they simply rude? Do I go for what I desire, or do I appease what I think he likely was trying to convey? \nI personally DO NOT want to go to the other room because I hate it, absolutely despise, when my routine is broken. ", "answer": "For college (I'm assuming)this isn't an uncommon thing at all.  I'd say the fact you got any notice is fairly considerate.  Are you friends with your roommate or want to be friends?  If so, consider sleeping on the couch for a couple nights or going to a friends as favor to him and mention that he owes you one.  If he's a good guy, he'll reciprocate.  \n\nIf you don't care about being friends (or friendly) with him in the first place, it's time to set boundaries and say no, I'm not leaving and if you guys start screwing around while I'm there, this is what I'll do.... etc.  \n\nThe question you gotta ask is what's more important to you, his friendship or sleeping in your room that weekend?  There's no right or wrong answer, but either one will have consequences both good and bad. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "7ziesp", "comment_id": "duo8lom"}, {"question": "Are dehydration and CO2 levels related in any way?", "description": "Age: 33\nSex: M\nHeight: 5'7\"\nWeight: 130lbs\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration of complaint: a few months\nLocation: headache/dizzy\nAny existing relevant medical issues: restrictive lung disease\nCurrent medications: Cartia XT 120mg\n\n\nI have realized lately that I have a serious problem when it comes to drinking water. When I wake up the first thing I drink is coffee, and then often times I barely have more than a few sips of water today. My doctor ran blood labs and my BUN level is at the high end of normal, and the Creatinine level is normal, but then the overall ratio is a bit higher than normal. Also my CO2 levels listed on the CBC are a bit higher than normal (33 when the high end normal is listed at 30). I do have a lung disease but normally my CO2 levels are on the higher end of normal, instead of outside the range. I realize I may just need an adjustment of the ventilator I use at night. But I was wondering, can dehydration cause elevated CO2 levels due to blood flow not being good or the body working harder than normal?", "answer": "You don\u2019t need to drink pure water. Just about any fluid will do, including coffee. A high BUN in isolation probably isn\u2019t meaningful unless it\u2019s extremely high; the ratio is mostly used for assessing kidney injury, which it doesn\u2019t sound like you have.\n\nThe CO2 in a CBC is actually bicarbonate, and it has a somewhat complex relationship with blood pH and level of dissolved carbon dioxide. But yours is so minimally elevated that it likely means nothing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cyf500", "comment_id": "eyrt0t0"}, {"question": "Is therapy useful for treating feeling no emotion?", "description": "I've seen a few therapists and it seems like they focus on helping people with not feeling sad or anxious, but my problem is that I don't feel anything at all, no happiness, no sadness, no stress. I just feel nothing. The therapists I've seen don't really seem to understand me, they still treat me as if I still feel anxious or sad. Is it even possible for therapy still help with this?", "answer": "That's a pretty common issue, even if not \"no emotion \" many people only seem to feel anger and happiness. This is a major theme in anger , abuse and general men's therapy work. \n\nThere are lots of tools and techniques that are useful for identifying emotion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3vv1", "comment_id": "fxfhonu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (was) a cutter and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I love her a lot.  We have been dating 2 years and she has yet to meet my family.  If I am being honest, part of it is because both of her arms are completely covered with scars.  My mom is a traditional soccer mom and while she may have had somewhat free spirit a long time ago, I just don't think she would understand this part of my girlfriend and I'm worried she won't approve. To top it all off, my brother was married to a girl who was a cutter and she ended up completely ruining him.  So my mom already has a bad view of this type of girl (if you can even include them in the same category).  My girlfriend is much sweeter than she was and she just had this thing she went through.  It's been a long time since she has done it.  Any thoughts? ", "answer": "If she's stable and healthy now, and you love her, that's all that matters.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vdjsc", "comment_id": "dlzl09y"}, {"question": "Since there are a variety of BPDs out there, what are your specific personality types?", "description": "I took this test recently: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp\nand ended up with INFP. It's pretty spot on, and I like to look through this site for more interpretation:\n\nhttp://www.truity.com/personality-type/infp\n\n\n\nI'm interested to see what your types are because we all have BPD in common at least.", "answer": "Infp i took the official one!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2jnu6d", "comment_id": "cldjofv"}, {"question": "In a new relationship, is it natural to want to explore new people or does that signal I'm not really happy?", "description": "I [27/m] just started dating someone [24/m] four months ago and we're not seeing other people. It's my first real relationship. I think he's great and I like him a lot. We met on a dating app. I never deleted my apps and recently an old swipe came through as a match. The new match is trying to initiate conversation. Part of me wants to talk to the new match to see what he's all about. Is this temptation a normal part of being human and I should just learn to ignore it and focus on building my current relationship, or is this a sign that I'm not totally happy with my current situation?", "answer": "I think you're not quite ready to settle down.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bduqp", "comment_id": "dhlsokc"}, {"question": "Would a therapist judge me? How would therapy help this?", "description": "I am highly manipulative, sadistic, all I do is play mind games and I\u2019m extremely calculated. I use everyone and throw them away when I\u2019m done. If I\u2019m not in control of a situation/conversation, I\u2019m extremely uncomfortable and get angry. \n\nWhen I determine who I actually would WANT to have around, I calculate their worth or whether I can benefit from them or not. \n\nI don\u2019t always play games to hurt people, but to manipulate them into liking me. With every conversation is an ulterior motive, family as well. \n\nI think I\u2019m better than everyone. Maybe not as smart as somebody, or as attractive, but collectively, with personality and looks, depth, interests, I am. Doesn\u2019t everyone? When I ask.. everyone says they don\u2019t think they are. Are they lying?\n\nI don\u2019t like anyone that much, I look down to all of my peers and mostly everyone else. If I\u2019m interested in someone, I talk to them until I figure them out.. and then I\u2019m bored. \nI have no true friends because I see no one as equal. I feel no empathy. \nOf course feeling grandiose has its benefits, confidence, but it\u2019s lonely and obviously not normal. \n\n\nMy current partner wants me to talk to someone because they think I have antisocial personality disorder.\nEven thinking about seeing a therapist and opening up  scares me, someone seeing who I am, I could never!But I want to feel understood and not looked at as a terrible person.\n\n\nWhat is this? \nDo I just lie? Can I tell the truth to a potential future therapist? Wouldn\u2019t you think I\u2019m a POS?", "answer": "If you are worried about being judged or disliked,  i recommend seeing a therapist who has experience working with \"difficult \" patients.  I do forensic work , so I am pretty used to being lied to and manipulated. I have also worked with violent offenders , so I am not easily scared off.\n\nThere are plenty of therapists who will happy to work with you , just as you are.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hufpib", "comment_id": "fynq26i"}, {"question": "How many people have you \"shut out of your life\", or stopped speaking to before they could leave you first, and how long did you not speak to them?", "description": "I am currently trying to put some space between me and my FP, which is actually not that hard because he rarely speaks to me anymore. I just feel like he thinks that I either don't like him, or that I'm not interesting anymore, that he thinks I'm too much work to keep being friends with, or just simply annoying. \n\nWe used to talk every day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, but he has kind of put me aside. He talks to other people now and when we hang out it's just awkward and he can get kind of mean. He makes me nervous, and we both often need alcohol to be our true selves with each other. I can get really quite when people talk about things rather than emotional stuff, and when I hang with him and my bf, they only talk about cars, speakers and other music stuff, or games I haven't played or aren't interested in, and I can't get a word in edgewise. I get cut off when I talk, the music I play isn't appreciated (he literally says it sucks) and gets skipped. I know that he sometimes goes over the edge when teasing me because he wants a reaction, but by that time I'm already emotionally out the door and can't come with a witty come-back or laugh it off, so it becomes even more awkward. \n\nLast time we hung out he randomly hugged me and asked me why I'm so unapproachable, and it just breaks my heart. Later that night we danced really intimately together after having had a heartfelt discussion about another friend of his, and I felt that we would get back on track after that, but no. He is frustrated, I get that, but for my mental well being, I just need space. \n\nSo. \n\nHave you ever been in a situation like that where you had to not be in contact with your FP or someone else, what happened, how did they react, and how long did you not speak for?", "answer": "I have burned many bridges\n\nYou can't cross them again", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "f5pj2v", "comment_id": "fi03xkf"}, {"question": "Low b12 but i do not agree my doctors opinion. Your thoughts?", "description": "Age: 22\nWeight: 73kg(160lbs)\nHeight: 175sm(5\"9')\n\nBefore two years when i worked stressfull job i had brain fog, was lethargic and had anxiety issues. Now i am studying only. As my life got more peaceful the symptoms reduced.\nAs of now: \n3 months ago I started dieting and going to the gym. I lost 10kg(22lbs). Currently i feel better than before. But still i lack the energy my friends(same age) have. At the gym i feel weak, although I am lifting the same weights I used to when I was 10kg heavier. Sometimes i get brain fog. \n\nThe things i have changed bout my diet are:\ngreatly reduced alcohol consumption.\nexcluded beer appetizers like fried chicken skins, fatty pork cuts, bacon.\n\nI am eating more veggies and fruits than before and i am consuming meat on a daily basis(about 500g). I am varying the protein source between pork, eggs and chicken.\nI eat at about 1800ccal 120protein  60-80 fats 100 - 180 carbs.\n\nMy doc says that he is not conserned about my b12 level being below the range.\nI have 168pgml the range is [190, 914]. My Iron is ok.\n\nHis opinion: \nMaybe it is because you restrict yourself of certain foods or it is due to the change in diet.\nI am not conserned and i think your score is ok. If you decide to take b12, get some b12 drops.\n\nMy opinions:\nI eat varying foods and consume meat daily so i think there is something wrong with the absorption of b12, not with the diet. So i think that taking oral drops will not change anything. I need b12 shots.\n\nI am attaching some of the test, only the b12 is out of range out of those(and the other things we tested) \n\n---->https://imgur.com/a/jqXHIyX\n\n\nWhat are your thoughts? And if you support my opinions, what dosage and how often should i get injected.\n ", "answer": "If you had a serious absorption problem like pernicious anemia your B12 level would be much lower. I would recommend that you start by supplementing orally and retest in a few months.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fa4uz", "comment_id": "dy1zshu"}, {"question": "Need help with a friend who is a compulsive liar", "description": "Within my friend group there is one friend in particular who always seems to be lying especially about girls he has talked to or dated in the past. I first became aware of this when this friend had been talking about this one girl pretty frequently. He was talking about how they had hung out a lot and they even engaged in some sexual activity. He even said at one point he was going to fly out to Hawaii with her. It came to my realization soon after that this wasn't true. I found out that she had a boyfriend and was in a serious committed relationship. \n\nThis didn't stop here however, as he continued to tell stories and lie about his past girlfriends that he has had. He has also discussed how he dated and or had intimate relations with two other girls. It all seemed pretty unlikely to me so I asked the girls about him and they confirmed to our surprise that they had never been in any sort of relationship with him and they may have not even liked him that much. \n\nIt seemed to get even weirder after he went off to college. He had said he met a girl there and they were in a relationship. However, he would rarely talk about her, I never saw a picture of her, and he would always seem to avoid talking about the subject. She seemed to fade out of the picture until he got with his new and current \"girlfriend.\" There is more evidence to back this girl up as I have seen them hang out together and they seem to at least be friends. Although I am unsure if this goes anywhere past friendship because some conversations seem forced and fake.\n\nFinally, I am also getting concerned after learning from friends of ours that he has hit up quite a bit of girls on instagram or snapchat that appear to be too young for him. He is a freshman in college and he has hit up girls who are freshman and sophomores from our high school and it is fairly odd. I am not sure how to handle this situation or if I should bring this up to him.", "answer": "Based only on this information alone, it doesn't really sound like \"compulsive \" lying.  Maybe he lies about other things,  but this sounds like a concerted and careful (albeit sloppy and not well-done) effort to paint his romantic life in a certain way. This is a pretty classic \"I have a girlfriend in Canada,\" \"I have a girlfriend from summer camp\" lie , but with poor insight,  since these girls exist in your community. \n\nRelationships and sex can be a huge source of anxiety in early adulthood.  One way to deal with this is to not pay much mind. He sounds awfully immature,  and challenging him or investigating his claims may fuel him more and make his love life feel more important. \n\nNow, if he is trying to contact younger girls online,  he could potentially get in trouble,  depending on where you live. Confronting him about the possible consequences may not be a bad idea . If you can leave out implications (like that you think it is gross or perverted), it may be more impactful.  He may not be able to control his thoughts and attraction,  the focus can be on controlling illegal/risky behavior.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gq6hav", "comment_id": "frrwdcm"}, {"question": "The law of attraction is definitely real.", "description": "My \"superpowers\" are back. I'm getting strong, chicks are staring at me everywhere I go and chatting me up. NoFap is just one tool for greatness, however. \n\nI started to realize at some point last year that everything really comes back to hormones. You can't bank on just nofap to turn you into some kind of stud. You have to stop settling for a fantasy, and stop seeking approval also. \n\nI have the knowledge. I know why NoFap helps, I know why the hormones matter, and I know why the abundance mentality draws in the things you truly desire.\n\nChanging your way of thinking is a start, even if you're in deep shit right now. Stop looking at what you DON'T have. Being gracious is key. Discipline is also required. Instant gratification will lead you to  being less productive over time. You will feel lifeless, no purpose, no fulfillment. Change that \"there's no point of life\" mentality to \"life is great.\"\n\nIt does take time, everything does. You will need to put the work in for your goals. You will need to give up a lot of bad shit. Just know that self-improvement comes with no limitation. If you truly desire a healthy relationship, then you will start making yourself more appealing right now. \n\nI've made posts before about how increasing testosterone levels betters your situation. If you really want the superpowers that some guys on here are claiming, it's not free. \n\nSome guys do have good genes naturally, and are more inclined to draw in attention just by doing nofap. When you have high test levels, pheromones definitely make you more appealing. You can't achieve that magnetism otherwise. \n\nDoctors many years ago told me I had low t. I was only 20 or so at the time. I'm now 24, and honestly I started looking into everything I could do to increase levels naturally. I start lifting, I started eating things like oyster, nuts, coconut oil, eggs and so on. Supplementation also unlocked potential, many people think it's all bs and makes no difference, but I'll tell you from my personal experience, some definitely increase testosterone levels. \n\nIf you're stubborn about supplementation, then at least better your diet. Heavy lifting over time gradually helps as long as you aren't overworking yourself at the gym every night. If you're doing chump weight and long cardio sessions, you aren't doing the optimal workout for an increase. \n\nThe main lifts, especially squats and deadlifts, at the heaviest you can handle, make a noticable difference. I just did deadlifts earlier at 195 pounds, 8 reps and feel so much better. I'm not a huge guy, I'm like 5'6, 140 lb. \n\nPeople think it's all about looks, but truthfully personality is going to do a lot more for attraction as a guy. Yeah, muscle is nice for the physical aspect of attraction, but it is not a requirement. What really matters is that you feel great all the time, no more slumps, no more insecurities. \n\nStability is everything. I know guys bragging they work more than I do, but really a lot of them aren't stable, they're still a slave to drugs or hook ups or whatever gives them their quick boost. \n\nStart reconsidering your situation right now. Stop settling. \n\nAsk me anything if you want, I know what works, as I stated. My streak isn't 144 days without busting a nut, but the progress I've made resembles something far beyond some number to brag about. ", "answer": "Now this! This is inspirational!", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "7r892t", "comment_id": "dsvl29k"}, {"question": "Best physical hobbies to meet new people and make friends", "description": "When I was younger I use to have a handful of friends from the High School football team that I didn't need to be very socially out going to maintain. I was decently fit at the time, we did a lot of physical activities outside of the sport but now many have moved away, some unfortunately died, and the one I got left is to busy with his family and career to do much with me these days which is understandable.\n\nI'm a 25 year old guy working on getting back into shape, and I noticed a boxing gym just opened up in town had a slight interest in the sport. There isn't to much available around here for adults besides bars and I don't like drinking it just breaks out my face so does this sound like a valid option to make some male friends? What are other options out there for a rather still young adult male?", "answer": "Depends on where you live but a lot of towns have adult rec sports leagues from competitive ones to recreational.  Even kickball leagues for adults can be a ton of fun.  Usually in rec leagues there are a few teams made up of individuals who don't know each other when they join and get placed on the teams.  This can be a good way to meet people and have fun in the process.\n\n\nThough they're not as common I don't think as softball and kickball rec leagues for adults, some organizations have flag football or even full contact (with pads) rec leagues for adults.  \n\n\nBars usually are the best place to make friends as adults.  You don't necessarily have to drink.  See if any of the bars in your area have pool or darts leagues, or other kinds of leagues.  This can usually be a good way to make friends.\n\n\nIf you're musically inclined or even just love listening to live music, finding open mic nights at bars or coffee shops and starting to go regularly to perform or even just watch is a great way to meet people.  More often than not, the environment is very inviting and communal.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8iev01", "comment_id": "dyr5vlb"}, {"question": "Told my counselor about how I feel about being ugly and obessing over it, and I just came out feeling worse! Did you feel worse trying to explain your dysmorphia issues to therapists?", "description": "I have a counselor I go to every week at my college and although she is very nice and understanding, I don't feel exactly understood. I told her about how half of my life I have been called ugly and how depressed and anxious it made me feel to the point it made me a reculse. Im back in college after five years of being homebound for thinking im too ugly to leave the house. I come back to college and already someone told me id look prettier/better if I fixed my hair/had a different hairstyle and I swear I overheard a kid saying im so ugly to look at! WTF, I got into a panic mode all over again and want to drop out because of that. Im so tired of people calling me ugly and criticzing how I look. I know im not the best looking person but there is not much I can do unless I get cosmetic surgery which  I plan to get in the future but I have no job or money so that is going to take a million years :(.  Another part of me was also hoping that my counselor would say \"No you aren't ugly or horrible looking at all!\" when I mentioned am i really that horrible looking to myself and she said how people can be mean and very judgmental but she never said I wasn't ugly/horrible looking. She looked at me with concern and sorrow and said how often is this in my head. And basically said that I don't know what others thinking of me and to label my way of thinking (like labeling, emotional reasoning)\n\nUgh I nearly choked up explaining my past, I hate to be reminded of it. It hurts to be ugly, who wants to be ugly? who wants to be called that? to have people avoid and ignore you over something you cant control. ld rather be dead than continue to live being ignored, insulted, and mistreated.  im to weak and sensitive to struggle with this on a daily basis. Going back to college was a mistake, I should have gotten a job and got some plastic surgery first before going, I wasted so much time in fear hiding from this world, if I had a job during those years, I could have afforded a procedure by now.\n\nThe counselor probably thinks im ugly as shit too, which is why she didn't say much and just addressed how people can be judgmental and to not care what they think and also how to cope with how im feeling that I can just avoid people and situations that make me feel this way at times when I can. I wish I never said anything.  it just made me feel worse being reminded of it and not being reassured that im not ugly. I probably don't even have dysmorphia and just depressed about the cold reality that I am ugly and there is nothing I can do about it, including trying not to care cause its impossible with my OCD mind.\n", "answer": "If it makes you feel any better, I\u2019m a licensed counselor and I specifically have to stop my natural urge to tell clients they are attractive when they make negative comments about their appearance. There are several different reasons for this - first being that since I\u2019m a professional that they are paying good money for, I feel like I can come up with something more helpful than just saying what anyone else would say \u201coh but you\u2019re so attractive, I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about!\u201d I also feel as though that\u2019s an invalidating statement to make to a client - it doesn\u2019t matter what *I* think about their appearance, it matters that they feel unattractive, and I need to find a better way to help them with that other than just telling them that they\u2019re wrong - that\u2019s not going to help the situation. Also, it can get a little dicey as a counselor if you\u2019re commenting on clients\u2019 physical attractiveness - you never know when you might get into a messy situation with sexual transference. ", "topic": "DysmorphicDisorder", "post_id": "9ujcp3", "comment_id": "e9eklx5"}, {"question": "I can't really remember clearly anything that happened more than 12 months ago, is that weird?", "description": "I was talking with a friend last night and they seemed really freaked out about it, I thought it was fairly normal and everyone's memory was that fuzzy, he seemed to have some kind of incredible super-memory and I thought he was the weird one - but now I'm feeling a bit self conscious about it?\n\nExamples - \n\nI can't remember any of my old addresses from the houses I used to live in.   \nI can't remember any of the titles of the classes I took at university (let alone any of the content)   \nI can't remember the names of any of the kids I went to high school with (except for the ones I still have on facebook)   \nI can't remember what I did for any of my birthdays.   \n\nHe said \"okay what were you doing in summer of 2010?\" and I had to logically think \"well I would have been 20, so that year I would have been (I'm trying to think of it now as I'm typing this and kind of struggling)..... \n\nNo I can't remember. I have no idea. I would have gone back to my parents house that summer because I would have been at college, but I have no idea what happened.\n\nI want to talk about it with someone but don't want to come across weird to my friends (because the guy last night reacted pretty weirdly) - so, any similar experiences?", "answer": "There's no reason to worry. The brain works on a \"use it or lose it\" principal. As you think about things less, they get harder to think about. The cells in your brain go through a pruning process which removes any cells that haven't been activated some time. This includes memories stored in different areas of the brain. Additionally, memory is a difficult process and memories themselves degrade the less you think about them. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "24137h", "comment_id": "ch2qxl3"}, {"question": "Day 3 im hurting", "description": "Sunday the 6th i finally admitted that i have a problem. Saturday at 709pm or at least thats when i closed my tab. \nIn December events out of my control caused me to lose my home. What was in my control was saving money to put towards another apartment however i did not save a dime. I spent almost every penny on rum or beer over the next month. I have been homeless for 8 days now. Saturday after i closed my tab i walked to my car reclined the seat and tossed my keys into the passenger seat of the vehicle. At 1030pm the same night i was awoken by the police \"to make sure i was ok and had permission to be on the premises\" following our conversation i was lucky i did not get charged with a dui, trespassing, or vagrancy (an ordinance in our town makes it illegal to sleep anywhere but a home, hotel, campground, or shelter) the officers let me take an uber to my adress on my license. I slept on the beach Saturday night. Sunday i decided i was done drinking before i either ruined my life or make it far worse. Sunday was easy it took me a little longer then usual to fall asleep but nothing to major. Yesterday was a little harder made it through work (other then coming in a little hungover my drinking never got in the way of my job) instead of buying a bottle or going to a bar i went to the gym and took a nice 3 hour walk to clear my head. Around 11 or so i started to see flashing lights when I closed my eyes. Took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. Today has been the worst day so far. Today i told my boss whats been going on and he told me he backs me 100%. He wanted to get me a hotel room until i saved up enogh money to get back on my feet. I couldn't let him. Ive been trying to figure out all day why i declined. I have been going to meetings for the last 2 days they seemed to help a lottle bit but after i left tonight i burst into tears. I spent the last of my money on a hotel room tonight because i knew if i didnt i would be at a bar right now. I dont want to live like this anylonger. Ive been scratching my legs raw for the last few hours and im freaking out and have no other outlet right now. Thank you.", "answer": "Hey, saw this post on new.\n\nYou've hit a point in your life where you're allowing change, but it's not easy. Everyone always put emphasis on how making a change is all you need but everyone neglects the hard work required to push through.\n\nThe scratching is because you've taken away your numbing agent. Things will feel harsher or more real for a while but identify the main goals and focus on them first.\n\nLike you said, you don't want to continue down this path, and the only way for you to remember that is to keep a clear and sober mind. Acknowledge the hardships and remember that it's because you have to rebuild your foundations so that whatever you replace your alcoholism with can have a chance.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ae3pvw", "comment_id": "edm6jj8"}, {"question": "Unstable identity gives u gender dysphoria?", "description": "For 95 percent of the time I feel like a cisgender female , I like having my feminine body and my feminine face. But I have these very few moments where I get extreme gender dysphoria  out of nowhere? Like I want to be a man so badly for a short sporadic period of time . But it\u2019s not consistent nor do I like he/him pronouns ..., is it bpd unstable sense of identity ???? Anyone else have this ? This extreme shift in identity where u badly want to live a man\u2019s life and live as one . But then like a match it just burns out???", "answer": "I do not have a diagnosis of BPD and I experience this at times (but I\u2019m also a slightly androgynous male).", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "fq4hju", "comment_id": "flq17pg"}, {"question": "My [25/f] BF [26/m] left his FB account open on my computer and I saw that he talks a lot of shit about me", "description": "He left his account open on my computer and I read what was left open. Found out he complains a lot to his friends about me...and calls me really hurtful names. \n\nTo his friends, he says he doesn't want to get married or have kids with me because I am insane. To my face, he says he wants to spend the rest of his life, yadda yadda. I don't understand why he'd lie to my face. I closed out of it and said nothing. It's been a few weeks now. Still bothers me. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "end it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ekltd", "comment_id": "dibad5k"}, {"question": "Lost respect for my boss, relatively new employee", "description": "So I just got a nice new job about 4 weeks ago. I was excited about it and it seemed to be a great jumping off point for my career. My boss was well respected outside our corporation, she had a lot of successful meetings and awards, and was seemingly on a path to success where she was going to drag me along.\n\nWell, as the time has passed I realize that she is not at all who people think she is. I took an amateur psychopathy test on her behalf and it spells her out to a T. \n\nWhat pushed me was an event today when she flew off the handle and screamed at a long term co-worker over an incredibly innocuous comment. I have seen small events like this happen, but not to this level. It was full on bullying and disgusting behavior. \n\nI will add that I have been having some strong second thoughts about taking the job after a few incidents that have involved me, and older employees who have worked for her are beaten down and choose not to fight back, which I can understand. \n\nRight now I am feeling like I made a big mistake, taking a job without the full knowledge of what I was getting into. I will spend the weekend applying to jobs to find an escape route. \n\nI know that getting her fired will be very difficult because of her seniority.", "answer": "Start hunting for a new job now before you have a big gap on your resume.  No need to even put this job on there you've been there so little time. Get out now. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2hl7p7", "comment_id": "ckts1nv"}, {"question": "72 hour VOLUNTARY psych hold - does it go on your record like and INvoluntary psych hold?", "description": "Hey! I\u2019ve been in a really hard place for the past few weeks but I\u2019ve been thinking about checking into a hospital for a 72 psych hold voluntarily before it escalates to a place where I harm myself or I get admitted involuntarily. I know involuntary holds go on your record and will be seen on any background checks (med/law school, buying a gun, teaching license, etc.) and I want to know if the same goes for a voluntary hold. Does anyone know?\nAlso, if anyone has experience with a 72 hr psych hold, please share. I don\u2019t know anyone one who\u2019s done this and there\u2019s only so many articles I can read in the internet. \nTIA!", "answer": "Hello! Therapist who works on a psych inpatient unit here.\n\nVoluntary psych admissions are a bit more state specific when it comes to whether it comes up in different types of background checks. Some states ask for reporting on it from the hospitals, others don't. The involuntary holds MUST be reported to the appropriate state agency. So, the general idea is, go in on a voluntary hold and your chances of it messing things up regarding background checks in the future are lessened.\n\nThe only real places that can look that information up themselves are places that give out security clearances (so think, the government or military) and specialized vendors who keep databases on these types of things (so gun stores and possibly local police). Graduate schools require you to report these types of things on your own, and any professional licenses you try to obtain will ask you to report these things as well. For any of these, however, what they look for is that you are recognizing the severity of your concerns that led you to an inpatient admission in the first place and that you are/have been actively working on them. \n\nPsychiatric inpatient admissions experiences vary wildly on the facility and area. It's difficult to give you a fully accurate impression of what you might experience just because so many places do it differently. What I always suggest to look for in terms of an inpatient voluntary admission:\n\n1. Does the facility separate voluntary admissions and involuntary admissions? Do they place you according to your clinical presentation? Facilities that keep voluntary admissions in a particular unit tend to have a lower acuity (that's the severity of the various clinical presentations on the unit).\n2. What kind of therapy does the facility offer? Is it only groups, or is individual therapy also something they do? I'd recommend you take advantage of as much therapy time as you can.\n3. Do the staff help clients with case management stuff? That can be helpful if you have some difficulty attaining your basic needs.\n4. Is there any follow-up after discharge? That can help you transition back into the community or into a step-down level of care.\n\nGENERALLY, you will meet with a few therapists, a psychiatrist, and a nurse. You will work together with your treatment team to get you on a treatment regiment, gauge your ability to discharge, and continue working with you to develop insight and prepare you for services after your discharge.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e8g8bi", "comment_id": "fabqyt5"}, {"question": "I am quitting drinking. Detox questions.", "description": "Hello, I have made the choice to kick alcohol to the curb because it sucks.  \n\nI am 32, Male, 5'10\", 235lbs, White\n\nI already have a fatty liver and high cholesterol.  I HAVE to quit.  But it is my choice to quit.   \n\nSo, worried about detoxing but I know I am no where near the extreme levels some alcoholics do.  Some people tell me I am not even an alcoholic because I don't \"get the shakes\" and other crap like that. \n\nHowever, I can't tell you my average drinks because I don't track or remember, but a typical night is 6 beers, maybe a shot or two if I am not feeling the buzz.  I can and have killed a pint of whisky in one sitting, no issues, topped with a few beers.  I haven't done that in a while though.  \n\nProblem is, I drink a lot because I have always had a naturally high tolerance for booze.  For the last 10 years, I mainly drank on the weekends, if I drank at all.  But, the last two years I have been increasing and especially over the past year and a half, really increased.  Especially when I am alone, if the wife is out of town, or I, like I am now.  I have killed 6 beers and a few shots the past three nights in a row, in a two or three hour period.  Anyway, how likely am I to detox?  I know I will have withdrawal symptoms regardless, but am I at the level of drinking that should require an MDs assistance? \n\nAlso, while on the subject, what other than Omega 3 can I take to help knock down the fat in my liver a little quicker, tired of feeling like a softball is in there.  I have changed my eating habits drastically, take fenofibrate and omega three (2x a day on the Omega) but is there anything else?  I know the Broccoli family is great at helping as well.  But I am serious as a heart attack here.  I am done.  This shit ends as of 11 pm last night.  \n\nQuit smoking 7 years ago, change my eating habits 6 months ago, now for the finale two.  No more beer, and no more couch potatoe.  More water and more exercise.  \n\nAlso, I drink a shit ton of water.  Close to 3/4 or a full gallon a day, always have.  Honestly, I swear I get hung over from not drinking enough water by the end of the day.  haha, kidding.  But seriously, I know around 3pm if I have not consumed enough water, and drank to much caffiene.  I start to feal like total crap, until I am able to rehydrayte.  \n\nI am also on 150mg of Zoloft, 2 of Xanax, 60 ER Adderall and 150Mls of Testosterone IM injections (weekly)  just fyi.  Yes, it's all legal and all prescribed, and no, I do not abuse any of these medications.  The only abuse I have ever done is Alcohol and Smoking (dipping back in the day too! lol)  Thanks.  I look forward to becoming a member of the healthy society.   ", "answer": "I have no idea why you are prescribed most of your medication given your alcohol history, but hey ho.\n\nTo clarify, youre not typically drinking daily and on days you dont drink youre not suffering any significant withdrawal symptoms? If so then you should simply stop. Id still advice seeking professional support though im assuming you are in the US where addiction services are patchy.\n\nIt sounds like you're not dependent on alcohol but definitely using it in a harmful fashion. Good job in choosing to change your lifestyle.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6yvq3f", "comment_id": "dmqmgbg"}, {"question": "Scared to drive?", "description": "I'm not very good at explaining things, but I'll try my best. I'm 19 years old and it's been time for me to start driving. There's one problem though. I have to admit that I'm scared to get on the road. From my past experience, I have been into a car accident. Luckily, no one was hurt. Ever since that car accident I've been traumatize everytime I try to get behind the wheel. It sucks because people keeps bugging me about getting my driver's license.  What should I do to fix this?", "answer": "In addition to taking it slow like the other commenter said, try and see if you can find a buddy or your parents to sit in the car and help you as you're learning. It should be someone patient and calm who is willing to slowly go step by step with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fd14d2", "comment_id": "fjehk51"}, {"question": "How much money has ADHD cost you???", "description": "And I don\u2019t mean doctors and medication. \n\nLate fees, subscriptions I didn\u2019t cancel, freaking redbox the money sucking vending machine, impulse purchases, time wasted... The cost of living in a constant state of panic and forgetfulness is astronomical for me. Ugh.", "answer": "If I had a good enough memory and was organized enough with my money to tell you I probably wouldn't have ADHD :-D", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cpvinb", "comment_id": "ewrudqr"}, {"question": "I could use some DBT advice.", "description": "My therapist is having me try some DBT worksheets and such, but I just cant seem to have any interest in it. What are some hints you have?\n\nI would really like it to work,.", "answer": "DBT is extremely time intensive and should be used in combination with a group or at the least, individual sessions focusing on reviewing content and going over difficulties using the skills. An outpatient group is typically ~30 weeks to learn all the skills. They can be taught separately if your therapist has concluded you could benefit from parts of DBT; perhaps your therapist isn't explaining the skills/purpose of using the skills thoroughly? There is also an immense amount of homework in terms of practicing the skills outside of group, so understanding what you're applying and why is crucial. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dptlo", "comment_id": "di5cde2"}, {"question": "My therapist, who was like my second mom, passed away three months ago.  I miss her so badly right now.", "description": "It doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts less frequently.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.  She changed my life.  She helped me so much, and so her words of wisdom and encouragement are always with me.  Whenever I'm stuck or falling into old traps, I think about what she would have told me.  \n\nI'm doing so much better; I really am.  But all of my progress is so bittersweet in that any time I stop to think about how well I'm doing or I find a reason to be proud of myself, all I want in the world is to share it with her, to make her proud and to hear her tell me how proud of me she is.\n\nI want to be a living testament to the power of her healing.  I want to some day use my life experiences to help others and share what she has taught me.  At the memorial service, her husband told me, \"She always said her children were her legacy, and I like to think you all (her patients) fell into that category.  Just remember, now you have to pay it forward.\"\n\nI've never lost anyone close to me before.  Ironically, losing a loved one was something I thought she'd be there to help me through, and she was the first person I loved to pass away.  And it hurts... so fucking bad.", "answer": "Yup.  Losing people sucks.  I like your idea about using what she taught you to help others.\n\nYou say you thought she'd be there to help you through losing a loved one, and in a way it sounds like she is, because you're using what she taught you to get through losing her.\n\nIt'll hurt bad for awhile, but it will get easier.  You won't \"get over\" it.  And you'll probably carry her with you for the rest of your life.\n\nI lost my mom, to whom I was very close, when I was 21.  That was 29 years ago.  I still feel her with me, and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind in one way or another.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17dbej", "comment_id": "c84k2iq"}, {"question": "How to know when to leave your spouse?", "description": "Me (46M) married to my wife (37f) for 16yrs.  I was disatisfied with our relationship and sought comfort outside our marriage.  That person I have found knew I was married, as that what she was seeking (f38).  A relationship has blossomed against our original intentions.\n\nOver the years I have allowed my wife to have casual sexual relationships.  In the 16yrs she has admitted to 4.  I get it, it dont bother me.  I have had 2 total, inluding latest.  \n\nUnfortunatly, my wife is very jealous and would never let me have the same freedoms as I have given her, so mine where unacknowledged till last nite.\n\nWe have had 2 serious talks about our relationship in the past.  The first one I asked her to make changes, as I decided I didnt want to move on if she wasnt going to change her behavior.  She has made changes.  I have not.  I still do destructive things to our relationship(such as continuing with new girl) based on past experiance and negative thoughts about my wife, even though she has made changes\n\nI am trying to move forward, like my wife has in some cases..but I am stuck.  I will/need to o counciling for that.\n\nThey question I have is, do I really want to stay married?  Can we move forward?  I am trying to put the other person out of my mind, as last thing she wants is to be the reason why I left my wife.  I know my  decsion has to be made independantly of the new person.  But I am so damn conflicted\n\nI really dont want to toss away my 16yrs..but I cant continue in the same relationship with my wife.  The other girl would gladly have a relationship with me, and we already kinda do..its so much more than sex.  \n\nAND the sex is so much better, communication with her is much easier, we speak the same language and feel generally the same about of lot of things.  I enjoy being with her, I enjoy our intamacy.\n\nI dont think I have ever \"made love\" till I was with the new person!  The passion, the connection!   I had always discounted people that spoke of making love vs sex.  Now I know, I understand.\n\nDownside, she has young kids..and I am almost done and I feel I want to be done with kids..  Thats the only downside I got..I think\n\nIf my wife said she had met someone new..and was leaving.. i think I would feel relieved.  \n\nWe have commited to trying.  I must end my relationship with the other person.  I did not inform her of much of an emotional connection there was. \n\nMy wife is fighting very hard to keep this relationship.  She is emotionally devistated at the thought of me leaving, and that kills me.  Is it the reason I am staying married?  I think so..\n\nI think this became a ramble..\n\ntl;dr:  Met new girl..she is awesome, cant decided if I want to stay married.\n\n\n\n", "answer": "marriage counseling for 3 months and the answer will be obvious", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qpofq", "comment_id": "dd17xr1"}, {"question": "Is it normal to not talk a lot about exes in a relationship? My boyfriend [M21] and I [F22] have never really had a full depth conversation about our exes.", "description": "We only have a general idea about the exes, and that's from info from a mutual friend. Is that normal? We pretty much just focus on ourselves. Great relationship though.\n\nAlso his mother told me somethings about his exes and how she didn't like them.", "answer": "You're better off never talking about exes", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71kida", "comment_id": "dnbnozt"}, {"question": "[17/M] I've Been Dating My Girlfriend [17/F] for 5 Months and Haven't Even Kissed Her", "description": "I've been dating my girlfriend since summer started. She's actually my first since I'm the most nervous guy on the planet. It's been many months now and all I've gotten to is hugging her! I've gone on walks with her, gone to the movies with her, gone to dances with her, but I haven't even held her hand, let alone kissed her! I can also feel that she is also getting frustrated that I'm not escalating our relationship further.\n\nReddit, help me! What do I do?", "answer": "Once you do it once it will get easier and more natural.... So, just do it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1sclpq", "comment_id": "cdwdiq7"}, {"question": "Interesting Insight: \"Why are autistic people less susceptible to groupthink?\"", "description": "I was thinking a lot about the current situation in the United States, and was doing a bit of Googling out of curiosity. I did a search on the concept of \"group-think\" (social conformity behavior), and why it seems to be such a foreign experience to me.\n\nI came across a Quora post that really resonated with me. Here's a link to the post, but I'll also copy the response that really hit me:\n\n* [https://www.quora.com/Why-are-autistic-people-less-susceptible-to-groupthink](https://www.quora.com/Why-are-autistic-people-less-susceptible-to-groupthink)\n\nIn particular, its the second response that I want to highlight here. I don't necessarily agree with everything he writes here, but I will **BOLD** the parts that really stand out to my experience:\n\n​\n\n>Harry McKracken, Filmmaker, Inventor, Entrepreneur, Father & Husband  \n>  \n>Answered Sep 7, 2018 \u00b7 Author has 73 answers and 271.2k answer views  \n>  \n>  \n>  \n>I\u2019m  an Aspie, a scientist, an inventor, an engineer, a filmmaker but I\u2019m  not a neurobiologist. That being said, I doubt most neurobiologists know  the answer. So, this is my theory\u2026it isn\u2019t science\u2026but it is a sound  theory.  \n>  \n>Aspies have \u201cmind blindness.\u201d We struggle to pick up on the nonverbal cues that  tell us how someone else is feeling. **We tend not to notice group behavior. And we tend to make choices based on informational cues rather  than social cue.**  \n>  \n>Is this a genetic disability or a genetic superability? It depends on your point of view. It also depends on context.  \n>  \n>**If  you have a group of teenagers trying to passive-aggressively urge  someone to smoke a cigarette, our \u201cmind blindness\u201d protects us. We\u2019re  usually the twelve year old kids saying \u201cSmoking will kill you.\u201d or \u201cI  don\u2019t want cancer.\u201d** The non-autistic person KNOWS thats factually  correct\u2026but they can FEEL the passive-aggressive pressure to fit in.  They can SENSE the group\u2019s behavior and the groups demand to CONFORM. **We  can\u2019t or we feel it so remotely it doesn\u2019t drown out our rational mind.**  \n>  \n>However,  there is a flip side to this. There are situations where social  conformity is DEMANDED and violating it looks EVIL. **Someone has died,  everyone knows to wear black, dress up and look sad even if the person  was a jerk and everyone hated that person. The Aspie decides it isn\u2019t  worth the effort to dress up, faking emotions is a waste of time and why  should this event change the facts of the past that this person was a  jackass?**  \n>  \n>\u201cWhat a cold-hearted, cruel person!\u201d is the exclamation.  \n>  \n>It\u2019s  the same thing going on in the brain. Its the same neurology guiding  the decisions being made. But, the context is radically different.  \n>  \n>Most  Westerners have a \u201cbinary bias.\u201d We think in good-bad, left-right, etc.  We often describe ourselves as having strengths AND weaknesses, as if  they are mutually exclusive of each other. **I\u2019ve come to see this in a  more Zen-like way as I have aged; my strengths are my weaknesses and my  weaknesses are my strengths.** I have a duty to understand context and  tailor how I apply my strengths/weaknesses to that situation.  \n>  \n>I  am built the way I am built. That\u2019s my fate. But, I can choose in any  moment of any event how to maneuver\u2026like a rudder moving a very large,  slow-moving boat\u2026that\u2019s my choice. **I choose to not give into social  pressure and group think when it is based on something evil, immoral or  likely to result in long term negative consequences.** I choose to abide  by social pressure and group think when the results are positive or  neutral. And my journey as a human, because I\u2019m just as human as a  non-autistic person despite the non-autistic\u2019s desire to put me in a box  and mark me as disabled, is to slowly\u2026ever so slowly\u2026get better and  better at distinguishing when to conform and when I can be myself.  \n>  \n>**If  you are non-autistic, then you have the opposite problem and I have a  lot of empathy for your mental disability.** **It must be painful and  frustrating to know you are prone to being convinced to do stupid things  simply because you desperately want to be liked by a group of  acquaintances and strangers.**  \n>  \n>**I  cannot imagine the mental anguish of a 12 year old non-Aspie, wanting  to be cool, wanting to be liked, not aware that the person they admire  isn\u2019t a true friend, oblivious to how short-lived this relationship will  be and that anyone pushing them to drink alcohol or smoke or do drugs  is not a real friend. I have empathy for their parents and the anguish  they go through, fearful their child will \u201cdo something stupid\u201d because  they\u2019re hanging out with a new group of friends.**  \n>  \n>**From my point of view, that\u2019s the mental disability. From yours\u2026its normal.**\n\n​\n\nThis resonated with my own life experiences so much. I've always, as long as I can remember, been basically immune to peer pressure. I found that other people who succumb to peer pressure were \"weird\" to me. I couldn't relate.\n\nI wanted to have friends and be a part of social activity too, but I don't understand the incentive to hurt myself (smoking, drinking, etc) in order to \"fit in.\" It just seemed stupid to me, and I couldn't understand why other kids would do stuff like that.\n\nAs he says at the end of the response, to me, that ability to be molded influenced by others feels like a mental disability to me... but NT people that as \"normal\" behavior, and label my behavior as \"disordered.\"\n\nLike he says, \"**It must be painful and  frustrating to know you are prone to being convinced to do stupid things  simply because you desperately want to be liked by a group of  acquaintances and strangers.\"**\n\nAnd yeah, that's kinda how I always felt as a kid, and even now. But being older now, I can look at it all a bit more wide-lens, in a sense. What I mean is: rationally, I can understand why conformity might be useful in some situations.\n\nFor example, as a kid, a lot of my peer group got really into skateboarding. I thought skateboards were cool, but I also didn't want to break a bone, so I never got into it personally. As a result, I got left behind by my peer group. I understand how NT kids might have put aside their fear of broken bones in order to \"fit in\" -- and the result would have been learning a new skill, making friends, and having bonding experiences -- a positive side to conformity.\n\nBut me, as a kid, I was oblivious to this. Only now looking back does it seem obvious. But my brain just doesn't work that way naturally.\n\nLikewise, the same with smoking cigarettes and other \"normal\" substance related stuff as a teenager. I was definitely \"that kid\" who would say \"smoking is bad for your health and causes cancer,\" and found myself unable to relate to why anyone my age would find it appealing. But it seems NT people are willing to hurt themselves to \"fit in\" with certain crowds. This same concept pretty much entirely explains \"hazing rituals\" in colleges and other exclusive social groups -- again, all behaviors that are totally alien to me, but I can kinda understand them \"objectively\" at a distance.\n\nAnd this also basically explains why as a kid, I often felt like watching other kids/people was like watching an animal documentary -- Like I wasn't a part of the same species -- because their mentality and conformity was entirely alien to me.\n\nBeing 29 years old now, looking back on my life, I can see that some of my happiest most fun moments were when I \"let loose\" and conformed to a group. But again, just due to the structure of my brain, even in those moments, I still had to \"rationally decide\" to let loose and conform -- it's just not a behavior that comes naturally to me.\n\nI have to use **real mental energy** to make a decision about conforming or not -- and when you realize this, it makes ***total perfect sense*** why socializing is so mentally draining for people like us. Because socializing is still an overly intellectualized and rational experience to us -- it just doesn't come \"naturally\" like it does for NTs (for better or worse).\n\nI feel like my lack of group-think and inability to lie is at the heart of basically all of my social struggles throughout my life. Because the constant lying and conforming is the most baffling of NT behavior to me. But I'm also naturally able to see how that same \"advantage\" also hurts NTs (its how cults and other stuff are formed), and can also be a \"disadvantage\" for them.\n\nKnowing this now, what do I do with this new found realization?\n\nI'm not sure. But I feel like a flood gate of new understanding was just opened for me.\n\nWhat are your thoughts and experiences on this matter?", "answer": "This was fascinating, and I really related. Thanks so much for sharing. \n\nIt's interesting to me that you mention cults. In the past I've thought people with Aspergers might be more prone to cults because of naivety and an affinity for rituals and defined rules/structure. But I agree about the relative immunity to groupthink. So now I'm wondering if people with Aspergers would instead be less likely to join cults? Or maybe it's just that people with Aspergers would be vulnerable to cults for different reasons than NT? E.g., people with Aspergers might be most drawn by the stated ideology of the cult (especially if it's something that sounds really good in theory) and maybe their belief in the cult leader specifically (who are often very charismatic and charming), whereas NTs are more drawn by the group aspect and their desire to conform. Would people with Aspergers more readily defect from a cult and more readily detect that they are in a cult? I feel like this would be such an interesting area of study to better understand ASD vs. NT social drives!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "gvxjfl", "comment_id": "fsrmzpp"}, {"question": "I'm meeting my dad after years of not seeing him.", "description": "When I was young, my dad and my mum began to have issues within their marriage. However instead of being able to fix it, my dad stayed in the house less and less until eventually he stopped coming altogether. \n\nI've always had a close relationship with him since I was young and I kept in contact with him through email, and he does send me gifts and such for my birthday. \n\nThe same cannot be said for my brother, who hates dad for abandoning us. He rejected all attempts at connecting with dad, and still refuses to talk about him. I suppose, in a way, I'm the only person who still talks to my dad and maintains a family bond out of my family.\n\nMy dad has been trying to arrange a setting for me and him to meet up, perhaps eat at a restaurant. But although I'm happy to meet him, the lack of contact other than digital makes me anxious for what to do/say on the day. We haven't talked or met in around 5 years in real life, and I've experienced puberty and my body has matured throughout those years. I'm afraid he'll be thrown off by it, and it'll be the most uncomfortable meeting. Can anyone offer advice on what to talk about/what to do to repel any nerves on it?", "answer": "If you've stayed in touch it will go well. Just be yourself and trust your instincts. The right words will come out.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fhk9m", "comment_id": "dii95c3"}, {"question": "Can my primary doctor treat my anxiety?", "description": "\n20F, 5\u20198, 145lbs, Indian\n\nPrimary Complaint: Anxiety\n\nDuration: 7-10 years (was bullied all throughout elementary and middle school) \n\nCurrent medical issues: Iron deficiency anemia\n\nMedications: None\n\ndrugs/smoking/drinking: Never used\n\nI have an appointment coming up this Friday. I want to talk to my doctor about the anxiety Ive had for years.  It\u2019s through Kaiser, and coincidentally, without mentioning it to anyone I know, I keep coming across bad stories about Kaisers mental health services. I don\u2019t want to reach out and try if it\u2019s going to be for nothing.\n\nI don\u2019t know if I should bother talking about depression because it may just stem from my anxiety. Anxiety is what I want to treat first.", "answer": "A primarily doctor may treat anxiety. Whether yours is comfortable and knowledgeable depends on the doctor, but it\u2019s reasonable to ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dz7wnq", "comment_id": "f85wzpf"}, {"question": "I am trapped in that cycle and I don't know how to get out of it.", "description": "There are so many interlinked problems in my life I don't know where to begin: I don't feel loved by anyone at the moment, so I want to find a girl to be in a relationship with, but most girls don't like dating guys who are unemployed, possible gambling addicts who drink and smoke like a chimney in the rain. I could find a job, and I have been trying, but after upwards of a few thousand job applications over 6 years, 99.99% of which come back with a form letter has crushed my spirit.\n\nEven after finding work it's usually somewhere that gives me panic attacks and anxiety, which because I haven't kept in check for a long time means I've gotten to the ultimate catch 22, where I'm too anxious to find a new doctor to give me a referral to a therapist and a script.\n\nI hate being alone so much. It's literally painful. Constant, 24/7 level 3 physical pain for months on end, that drinking, gambling and spending money solves for about ten minutes and then I feel twice as bad. However, all of my actions just drive me further and further from people. Literally half of my life so far has been spent with an absolute crushing sense of loneliness, where I often don't feel real, like this world isn't real and that my body is just a shell. I fantasise about someone saving me, but hey, who the fuck who want to save me?", "answer": "It would be advisable to address the gambling; if you're feeling emotionally vulnerable, you're at great risk for the gambling problem to grow stronger until it completely takes over your life.  Please explore local resources, as there is often help for gambling problems that folks simply aren't aware exists; let us know if you need guidance in that area.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1emngv", "comment_id": "ca1qdol"}, {"question": "Can my GP give me acne medication or should I see a dermatologist?", "description": "I just curious if family docs commonly give meds/ treatments for acne or if I should see a dermatologist. I've never gotten my medical treatment before so idk what it's like\n\n19 female 125lbs", "answer": "You can always ask your GP. Many are probably comfortable with treating acne; it's a very common complaint. Your GP might refer you to a dermatologist if your acne is particularly bad or if standard first-line treatments aren't effective.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e84r2e", "comment_id": "fa97si7"}, {"question": "Is there a term ( attention seeking/narcissism? ) for someone who consistently needs to interject themselves somehow into every situation or national news story?", "description": "My aunt (57) has always been the dramatic type but it seems like it\u2019s gotten beyond the typical crisis/drama queen behavior. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s to the point of suggesting therapy to her. \nShe has always had some attention seeking qualities but nothing to cause more than a few eye rolls at family reunions because she is also very kind  and generous. Over the past couple of years though  it has become impossible to have a conversation with her without there being some (perceived ) crisis or drama. Much of it over things beyond her control, not her responsibility or very minimal I.e. a step-grandchild\u2019s 2nd grade poor report card required a middle of the working day emergency phone call to discuss what an awful job her parents are doing ( they\u2019re not) and how she needs to live with them and she will fix it (not gonna happen) Every time there is a major local or national news story she has to somehow interject herself into it and call/post about it. ( \u201cI can\u2019t sleep!! My friend\u2019s son (who I\u2019ve never met) lives (somewhere) near Minneapolis! I hope he\u2019s ok!!\u201d And I cant count the number of tearful phone calls regarding the acquaintance who had Covid-19 and was critically ill. Yes it\u2019s tragic but I thought she was describing a close friend or family member based on her reaction. A plane had to make an emergency landing and she had \u201cjust flown that airline last month!! It could have been me on there!!\u201d True stories. \nShe also knows a semi-famous person and for years her cover photo has been of her and (semi celebrity) not her husband or family. \nI know she\u2019s an adult and her behavior isn\u2019t malicious or dangerous but I know it\u2019s unhealthy and is interfering with her work and her husband doesn\u2019t want to talk about it. \nIs there a term for this? Is it a personality trait or disorder? Should she be getting help? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Rather than focusing on what you think may be the cause of he behavior, you may get further by focusing on how it causes distress in her life . What is happening at work?\n\nI don't know enough to say what it going on. I don't know her background and history,  and have never observed here . My opinion is just an idea based on what you shared :  The examples you shared give me the impression that she may be trying to connect with others.  There is nothing particularly grandiose or exciting,  but these stories are relatable because everyone understands the reference and is in the loop.  It sounds like a way to stay relevant and to not worry about telling a boring story. There is a lot of intensity in these stories! At least in her mind , she always has something interesting going on.\n\nAnother reason I think this may be a misguided attempt to connect is that it works! At least one relative (you) picks up the phone over and over and listens.  You look at her social media , too . If these stories are gutting attention (,even an eye roll), that is working for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "guej4r", "comment_id": "fsi0tio"}, {"question": "bipolar", "description": "I have never truly felt centered. im 24 and everything ive ever attempted has failed or got messed up. im starting college soon so i can actually pursue my dreams but something has come up. i am someone who lives a very social life, yet i have the hardest times making connections with new people, even in environments that totally encourage it (raves, music festivals). I have become more aware of the increasing amount of social awkwardness that is accompanying me and I have recently took some test and did some research and i am almost positive i am bipolar. i probably always have been, and i just want to live a normal life and have normal social human interaction and not have to feel awkward.\n\nim starting with meditating more, i know thats the first step.\n\ndoes anyone have any suggestions on human behavior or something i should look into reading?", "answer": "First and foremost, if you think you have this, go see a professional ASAP. Bipolar disorder can wreck havoc in your life if it is not being actively managed.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rp4qb", "comment_id": "cdpj7l2"}, {"question": "Is this MRI scan from my front or back?", "description": "23 F 170 cm 50 kg. \n\nSorry if this is a dumb question. I have mild scoliosis as you will see in the scan, and I have an exercise to do on one side only depending on the direction of the curve. However the curve isn't visible on the outside, and I can't tell how the scan is oriented. [Here's the screenshot of the scan.](https://imgur.com/wDnP9aQ)\n\n​", "answer": "Images are always displayed with the same orientation. For saggital planes (think looking at a slice vertically between front and back) it\u2019s always with the right side of the body on the left side of the image, as if the viewer and the patient are facing each other.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b4wb31", "comment_id": "ej9wc2x"}, {"question": "I [20 M] am finally ready to have sex with my girlfriend [20 F] need some advice.", "description": "Hi Reddit came here to ask for your wise advice. Since I have very few people who I can talk about this without being judged. Here I go...\n\n\n\nSo I've been with my girlfriend for four years now and I really truly love her, but the thing is we've never had sex... I know what you might be thinking \"4 YEARS & NO MOTHAFUCKIN SEX?\" but it is really hard for me to get physical for personal reasons.\n\n\n\nWe are both virgins (as far as I know) and I truly love her and I have finally feel ready for the good stuff, but the truth is that I'm really scared and this is why.\n\n\n\nFirst of all I have no idea how, when nor when. How can I start dropping the hints without being so awkward?(important to say we've never seen each other completely naked) I really want her to be as comfortable as she wants without being pressured. Where should we do it? and when? We never seem to be in a convenient place, and I want it to be as romantic as possible, maybe some candles and shit you know?\n\n\n\nSecond, I am really scared of pregnancy, I know that chances are really low, but what if she actually gets pregnant? I don't know if she would abort (and I don't know if I would either) and I don't want to fuck her life up with a child (she is still in college studying to be a doctor), she deserves the best life. So should I just finish off outside or what?\n\n\n\nThird and most important. She scares the hell out of me, her expectations and her feelings. I don't know if it's true, but I've heard throughout all my life that sex hurt women on their first time and that it is pretty uncomfortable . I don't want her to get hurt and I want her to have a hell out of a time. So... ladies is that true? Did it really hurt the first time? Is there anything I can do so it doesn't hurt? What can I do so she has a good time? what do you ladies enjoy? I am really scared of what she thinks afterwards I just want her to feel respected and loved. How can I do that?\n\n\n\nReddit I've reached the point in where I don't care how fun is it for me, but I want it to be perfect for her. Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks for hearing me out.", "answer": "that's a good approach. make sure it's comfortable. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1mmx", "comment_id": "dcfy6l7"}, {"question": "okay, I'm just starting college and i've already met this girl. I asked her to go to coffee and she said yes.", "description": "I dont know how to approach things now, I find her extremely attractive and feel like I could be in a relationship with her.  we havent gone out yet but i dont want to screw things up, any advice on what to do?", "answer": "Slow your roll, son.\n\nA date is good, but that's all it is.  You're literally at *step one* of the Get to Know You Game.  The purpose of the date is to learn if you enjoy each other's company, and there's nothing wrong with finding out that you don't.  Lower your expectations of what constitutes a \"good date.\"\n\nAuthenticity is key.  Talk about the things that interest you, don't stress about appearing \"cool\", and let things flow naturally.  You might be nervous; most people are.  That's fine and just let it happen.\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "1l7753", "comment_id": "cbwiuuo"}, {"question": "Over the past month, I've hit a snag whenever I reach Day 3. This is the morning of Day 4. I'm just here to check in.", "description": "Days 3, 4 and 5 seem to be the days I drink. I think that's when the \"voice in my head\" - I call her Al - starts to panic. Al starts playing all kinds of head games with me. \n\nSo yeah. I haven't reached Day 4 in, like, a month. Yesterday, I commented to promise myself I'd see Day 4.\n\nSo now, I'm promising myself I'll reach Day 5. Al's probably going to start playing all kinds of tricks, though. Maybe some yoga and a good run will shut her up.\n\nNot today, Al.", "answer": "Keep untangling the trap and trust that you\u2019ll break free one day. My current streak is 250 times longer than my 2nd longest streak. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "aavwh6", "comment_id": "ecvnmp2"}, {"question": "Girl problem", "description": "I was seeing this one girl over the summer and everything was going good and then one day she went back to her ex boyfriend. About a week and a half ago she messaged me saying that she missed me and that she really did like me. We talked one day and she said it was a huge mistake by leaving me and that she thought about me a lot. Then we started to see each other again and it was going great, we went to a party and she was hugging me and holding hands the whole time, I met her family again and at the ends of the night we were kissing. About last week wednesday she started to act weird and distant, when I would get close to her or touch her she would move away. Something happened to one of her fam members and she started to act even more distant. I haven't spoken to her since friday and she told me we were moving too fast and that she needs space. Does anyone know what this can mean?", "answer": "you have to respect people's wishes for space.  it's hard to know what's going on in anyone's head.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pxleg", "comment_id": "dculx17"}, {"question": "Therapist Bias?", "description": "I went to a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She was great, but when I mentioned my questions about BPD and possibly getting diagnosed she got very apprehensive. She said she tries to refrain from diagnosing people with personality disorders because it is a lifelong issue that is difficult to cure. When I tried to explain my concerns that I fit all 9 symptoms of BPD she basically told me that I just don't seem like I have BPD from talking to me. I have been reading a lot online about the stigma behind BPD, even in the mental health community, and I'm not sure what to do. \n\nHas anyone else experienced bias from mental health professionals in the beginning of their treatment? How did you get passed it?", "answer": "Sounds like you have a strong pro-BPD bias. Some clinicians never use BPD as a diagnosis because of the increased chance of hardship and death to the client. Others don't do it because they aren't sure BPD exists as described in diagnostic manuals. Many other therapists won't diagnose a PD within the first year or two of therapy because they have to work through the other possibility. \n\nEveryone has a bias with BPD, just that some have a bias away from it. \n\nThat being said. Make sure you get a shrink with DBT knowledge/ training", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7lkpm5", "comment_id": "drn1v6y"}, {"question": "People say \"Get help\", but... how?", "description": "USA\n\nI'm looking for help, but I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. Everywhere I go either lists dozens/hundreds of professionals and I don't know which one to pick, or they just say \"If you're distressed, reach out for help\". I'm trying to reach out for help and I don't know how. What do I do? Where do I go?", "answer": "Hello! It can be difficult sometimes weeding out the type of help you want and who you might want to see to talk about some mental health concerns you are having. Here are some tips to narrow down your potential selection a bit:\n\n1. Think about what specifically you are looking to get help FOR. Often times people will say \"depression\" \"anxiety\" \"anger\" etc. and not elaborate further. Really getting specific here will give you language you will want to look for in looking through professional sites/profiles and asking them questions. For example, with something like \"depression\"- \"I want to feel less sad\" \"I want to learn ways to get more sleep\" \"I want to get interested in things again\" \"I want to think less about dying.\" etc. Keep those key-words handy.\n2. What does your financial situation look like? How might you be wanting to pay for services? Do you have/want to use insurance? Sliding scale cash pay ok? Do you need free services? That will greatly narrow down who you are able to see and will also influence the places you will go to look for potential providers. Note that sliding scale cash pay will allow you to see the widest variety of people. \n3. Do you have any ideas about the type of PERSON you might be comfortable talking to? Maybe a specific age range? Male or female? Maybe from a particular spiritual or racial background? Someone who states they have experience with your specific concerns? That will also greatly narrow down. Also, think about how FAR you are willing to travel for services; some zip codes have a higher number of providers than others. \n\nTaking all of these into account, you will weed out 85-90% of the hundreds you might find through a simple Google search. From there, you can start to peruse the list of people that are left. I recommend sending them an e-mail or calling them to ask about how they operate or look through their websites to see which of them pique your interest.\n\nSome potential sites you can use to help filter out your selections:\n\n[www.psychologytoday.com](https://www.psychologytoday.com)\n\n[www.goodtherapy.org](https://www.goodtherapy.org)\n\nYou can type in your zip code, and then select all the appropriate filters from the answers to the above questions, and it will show you the ones who meet your criteria. Note that not everyone is on these sites, but I would say a good portion of them in the US probably are on at least one.\n\nAlso, if you are looking to use your insurance, hop on your client portal site and do a search of providers in the area who take your insurance policy. Be sure to CONFIRM WITH THEM that they do before scheduling any appointment. You can cross reference what you find on your insurance portal with their website or psychologytoday/goodtherapy page. \n\nOne more thing, especially if you are looking for lower cost services, if you have a local behavioral health facility, sometimes they offer outpatient services. If they are federally funded/non-profit, they generally have more of an ability to give you a generous sliding scale rate (aka super cheap) for services. Do note, though, that these places are often booked solid and you may have a long wait period in getting an appointment/scheduling follow-ups.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "da0fjc", "comment_id": "f1mhxn5"}, {"question": "Please can everyone comment their story I want to get to know how your depression started", "description": "Mine started 6 years ago, I want to kill myself because this girl I love which was the last thing I had to live for won't come out anymore. \n\nEveryday is a struggle and I feel physically sick of the thought of never getting this girl and the thought of having to go through another day of pain and suffering.\n\nAll I want is a normal life like others around me, I want to be able to go out with friends and this girl and be happy.\n\nI want to live but not in this way only with a girlfriend who loves me. \n\nPlease let me know your story, I'm so low right now it hurts.", "answer": "I\u2019ve had depression since I was eleven.  It\u2019s really hard to live with but with therapy, medication, and support from loved ones we can do it.  There is so much to life.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9puzea", "comment_id": "e84fufa"}, {"question": "When do I [22F] bring up the topic of continuing the relationship past the summer with him [23M]", "description": "I met this guy about a month ago and we've been seeing each other regularly, problem is he's only here visiting his family for the summer. So far the relationship is really good, nothing is official but we have a lot of fun, communicate regularly and when we hangout it's amazing. \n\nI'm just wondering when I should bring up the topic of exclusivity and possibly seeing where things go after the summer is over? Is this even something I should bring up or should I just enjoy the rest of the summer with him before he leaves and wait for him to bring it up? \n\nTL;DR: Been hanging out with a guy for a month who's only in town visiting his parents for the summer, would like to continue the relationship, how/when/if do I bring it up? ", "answer": "People on reddit are very afraid, for some reason, about speaking up pro-actively about what they want and need, and asking the other what they feel and what they want and need. So the answer is NOW~ Good luck", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6meum8", "comment_id": "dk0zv6e"}, {"question": "Please help me- I'm on lamotrigine and vyvanse. My provider is not returning my calls and I'm about to run out of my medication. What do I do?", "description": "Sorry this isn't your typical question. \n\nF20, 5'5, 110lbs, mixed (hispanic/ashkenazi jewish)\n\n​\n\nI have Bipolar 1 Affective disorder and I've been on Lamotrigine (100mg interval)  for a while now and vyvanse 40mg for 4 years now. \n\n​\n\nMy provider will not answer my calls or emails and I'm about to run out of my medication and I'm scared. He was the only one I could see in such a short notice when I first moved here and he's been pretty awful. Every single provider is booked for months here. \n\n​\n\nHe never really remembers who I am (confuses details of patients with me, has the wrong notes, tries to sell me weird supplements and books) \n\n​\n\nI don't know what to do in this situation. I called all of the free clinics in my state (hawaii) \n\nand all of them said they couldn't write me a prescription.  \n\n​\n\n​\n\nI don't know what to do please help. I'm in between a support system, visa, and I'm applying to university. ", "answer": "Running out of Vyvanse might not be good, but it's not going to be an immediate problem. It's also one of the controlled substances that people show up trying to acquire. If you haven't already, I'd try tailoring your search and seeing if there's any clinic or provider willing to just prescribe lamotrigine. That's the one that's a bigger problem both if you run out and if you need to restart it.\n\nOtherwise I have no solution for you. Someone needs to prescribe or you don't have medications.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m1vvg", "comment_id": "e7b8gzf"}, {"question": "Sudden delirium followed by persistent delusion in my previously healthy aging father.", "description": "My aging Dad lives independently, is healthy, and hasn't shown any cognitive issues aside from some minor memory things, which likely go along with aging.  10 days ago he was found in delirium in the hallway of his apartment complex, unable to open his door and not making sense.  He was brought to hospital, where the delirium remained for about 3 days.  Every test has been run, and there is yet no answer as to why this happened.  Urinalysis, blood test, chest x-ray, CT, and contrast MRI all came back clear, except for a small spot on his lungs, which they later believed to be early pneumonia.  IV antibiotics, fluids, and oxygen cleared that up as well as balanced his electrolytes, yet his still remains partially delusional.  He has been on Haldol for most of this time, which lessened the agitation, but left him very flat.  He was taken off Haldol yesterday, and I noticed an increase in the strange things he was saying (delusions: connections between things and patterns that don't make sense).  There just seems to be no answer as to why this happened or what is wrong.  I do know that prior to him being found in the hallway, he had not eaten, drank, or slept for around 24 hours.  Here is the required information.  Any help is so appreciated.\n\n​\n\nAge: 80\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 5'6'\n\nWeight: \\~145 lbs\n\nRace: Caucasian\n\nDuration of complaint: 10 days\n\nExisting medical issues: High blood pressure, sleep apnea\n\nCurrent meds: blood pressure regulation, uses a CPAP machine for sleep", "answer": "Sometimes it can take weeks for delirium to fully resolve, and it's not always obvious what the trigger was. It could have been a self-limited infection that did it, but the answer may never be clear. Still, with more time most people return to how they were prior.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajqlyf", "comment_id": "eextpmo"}, {"question": "What would you ask a 96 year old?", "description": "My gram turns 96 at the end of the month...since I am one of the family who loves to talk with her, I was trying to think of good things to ask her. She's a feminist, voter, singer, artists and worked when most women her age were home-makers. Her parents were both Finnish immigrants, and she is bilingual. So what would you ask?", "answer": "What do you regret most or wish you had done in your lifetime?\n\nWhat are you proud that you did in your lifetime?\n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48y1ac", "comment_id": "d0nk3id"}, {"question": "Boyfriend with lack of ambition", "description": "So I'm in college and have been dating this guy who also goes to school with me for one year. In my last relationship, my ex was very ambitious and studying was his #1 priority (didn't work out bc he cheated). Current boyfriend overall treats me well, takes me out, doesn't get crazy jealous and gives me plenty of space to do my own thing. But it bothers me so much that he rarely studies until the last second and does the bare minimum to get by. I am graduating in a year, and he would be too if he didn't have to retake multiple classes from his freshman year (before I met him) and has a bad gpa from that. He hasn't gotten anything below a B since I've known him, but he still barely does anything and only takes the minimum each semester for full time. This being said, he has worked at the same place for over 2 years (20-25 hours/wk)? Let me make it clear that he lives at home so he doesn't pay for living expenses and his parents bought his car. He has money of his own for extra spending and food/gas but his mom has plenty of money and would willingly help him out with that stuff too if he didn't work as much as he did. But it is not a very demanding job and it has nothing to do with what he is studying. He always makes the excuse that he's tired or he just doesn't care and goes and hangs out with friends a lot. He just got another job a few months ago but it is only another couple days a week for half a day, and it is a family thing so he can choose and pick when he goes. When I try to tell him he needs to study he just blows me off, and when I told him he should find an internship and make that a priority over his job he took offense and said it's important that he's consistent at the same job. I'm fully dependent on my parents financally but I take a heavy load every semester and get good grades. I'm worried because I'm making plans to apply to grad schools while he is just floating by and who knows if he will even graduate a semester after I am. Am I overthinking this? If not, is there another way I could gently encourage him to prioritize better?", "answer": "a legitimate concern. will he grow like you are.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6avbth", "comment_id": "dhhqy7x"}, {"question": "I've gone a month without cutting", "description": "I have dealt with depression for almost a year, and I started struggling with self-harm about 5 months ago. I found cutting to be like pressing a release valve, and I began to resort to it whenever I felt particularly miserable. For a long time, I thought that it wasn't really that bad, since as long as I didn't tell anyone, I wasn't doing any harm to anyone except myself. \n\nIn the past month, I have been trying really hard to remind myself that I need to take care of myself, and my health is just as important as that of the people around me. It has been very difficult - I still think about cutting when I am feeling really bad and I often struggle to realize that the self-deprecating thoughts that constantly float around in my head are not true, and I do have at least some sort of worth. \n\nMy best friends have also been incredibly supportive, and I appreciate that a lot. They remind me that I don't have to struggle alone, and that they believe in me to get better. I am proud of myself for managing to avoid resorting to self-harm for at least one month. It may not seem like that much time, but nevertheless I am glad to have made some progress.", "answer": "Well done! Proud of you!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "cq59mv", "comment_id": "ewua3dj"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Ask your therapist, as this may vary by location and license .\n\nI can only hospitalized someone if they have a plan and intent to harm themselves.  In the US, most hospitals don't have the capacity to take people in general,  there is not much they can do for someone who is not at risk for immediate harm .\n\nYour suicidal thoughts are important to discuss and process . I always feel really sad when someone is scared to bring it up. In most circumstances,  if you say you have suicidal thoughts with no plan or intent , there is no issue . A therapist will also want to know the reasons you won't do it right now and what you can do to stay safe if something changes .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fmqagi8"}, {"question": "Girlfriend broke up with me and need advice.", "description": "Hey guys, my girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. A little background story:\nI'm away in a different town for college, and so is she. We met at the beginning of school and hit things off. We have been girlfriend and boyfriend for quite some time now and i thought things were great. Until, she called me one night and broke up with me. Reason : She said that she still had feelings or thinks she still loves her ex boyfriend. She dated this guy for 2 years prior to us and broke up with him about 2 months before we starting seeing each other. She told me that she broke up with him because she felt that she didn't love him for the last 3 months of their relationship and only thought of him as her best friend  & because she was moving away to college. The thing is, I'm new to serious relationships and would consider this girl my first love. Honestly I believe I have become addicted to this girl, actually addicted. She is always running through my mind no matter what I do, sometimes distracting. She told me she loved me before I did actually, it was a pretty big deal and I love her too. Everything has been going great for a while but she said that she felt guilty having feelings for 2 people and was nostalgic of her past relationship. She did not want to hold on to me, even though she loves me or if she feels this way towards 2 people. She  felt guilty and didn't want to hurt me in the long run if those feelings never went away for her ex.  She said she had to be selfish and wants to be single for a while to figure things out. Now, were both back in our hometowns away from each other and I'm pretty sure she's going to hang out with him. Well actually, I am sure she is. Hanging out with him is just going to make her love him more. She says she's not going to be with me or him. Which makes sense since he lives far away also. Do i just forget about us ever getting back together or move on? The only thing keeping me thinking were going to get back together one day is all the great memories we had, how could she just throw that all away?\n\nWhen we are together we are so good together and the love is there so how could she feel this away about him again? I understand they had a long relationship, but she doesn't see him ever so how do those feelings come back? \n \nI just do not understand how she can regain that love for him when she has been with me the whole time and have been hitting things off. \n\nSee, in my head I still feel like we have something that shouldn't be thrown away so fast. I want to get over her but theres still a part of me telling me to hold on. I always question myself whether she really loved me or just had really strong feelings for me. How could she just throw me out of her life like that if she truly loved me? I understand she felt guilty and had to be selfish but so many questions go through my head.  I'm not sure whether I should just move on and really try to get over her or hold on a little bit.I have been struggling for the past week with anxiety and just pure sadness that everything we had is over and was a waste. Honestly, I have gained some type of obsession over all of this constantly putting bad thoughts and situations in my head, just needing answers.  I always continue thinking about the good memories and miss them so god damn much. The thought of her hooking up with people hurts me so much. Part of me says to not talk to her and she will realize what she lost and miss me but the other part tells me if I don't talk to her she will get over it. Simply, \" distance makes the heart grow fonder\" or \" out of sight, out of mind\"\n\nAnother dilemma is, when we go back to school I know were probably not going to get back together right away(if we ever do) and I will have to see her hook up with other guys at parties. We go to the same exact parties every single weekend because we have the same friend group, it's unavoidable, trust me. I want to hook up with other girls in order for me to get over the break up and not love her anymore but I just can't seem to find the interest in any girls but her.\n\nI don't know what to do and need some advice. I would love for some pure honesty, whether it hurts or not, I need it. Or if this same situation has happened to anyone. \n\nSorry this is long but thanks so much.", "answer": "the best way to get over someone is to cease contact. otherwise you're constantly pouring salt on a healing wound.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3lwc", "comment_id": "dc0jqbe"}, {"question": "Should i up to 50mg of sertraline", "description": "Age:18\nMale\nSuffer severe anxiety and panic disorder \n\nHey my doctor prescribed me 50mg a day of sertraline and i decided to ease myself in by starting on 25mg as my body is sensitive and im very scared of taking new meds , ive been taking this for 4 days now and feel ready to up to the 50mg, is this okay to do now?", "answer": "In brief, unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, yes. It's common to start at 50 mg.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f01yem", "comment_id": "fgqzktb"}, {"question": "Anybody here use cinnamon supplements?", "description": "How much do you take a day? \nHow long have you been taking it?\nHas it helped you?\nWhat improvements have you seen, if any?\n\nI'm thinking of taking cinnamon supplements but I would like some advice/feedback from some of my fellow cysters. Thanks ladies! :)", "answer": "Cinnamon is a treatment for PCOS in Chinese medicine. I tried it and it makes me feel a lot better. I don't know if you'd need to take it every day; I didn't-- I just incorporated it into my food about twice a week and it just really warmed me up.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3ma0k1", "comment_id": "cvdalx8"}, {"question": "How do mental health therapists ensure that clients follow a behavioural change program?", "description": "I'm not a psychologist, but I'm just curious as to how therapists ensure that in their behaviour change program (such as quitting drugs), clients actually adhere to it, given that they only meet their client once or twice a week? Changing someone's habits is really difficult, so I'm just wondering what strategies you use to ensure that clients don't drop out  or go into relapse as easily, or encourage them to change.", "answer": "There's no way to ensure that a client follows a program.  No therapist has the power to change anyone, we only have the power to assist someone in changing themselves.  If they aren't ready or willing to put the work in that's required, there's really nothing we can do.  \n\n\nNow, while we can't assure that anyone follows a program, there are some things that we can do to increase the likelihood.  Setting firm boundaries, expectations, and consequences are very important.  Communication and consistency is key.  For substance abuse issues, it can be really helpful to do random drug screens to keep the clients honest.  While relapse happens, it may be a requirement that the client is honest.  If they reported no use, then tested positive, it may warrant being kicked out of the program.  \n\n\nIn my opinion, holding folks accountable to what your expectations are with the ultimate consequence of terminating with them is the best way to influence them to follow whatever program you have.  For many, this will lead to termination, but if they really want to work with you and achieve their goals, they might return at a future date more ready and willing to follow the program.  For others, it's better to terminate and stop wasting both yours and their time.  Just make sure you're providing referrals to other therapists whenever doing this.  While it isn't unethical to terminate with a client for not following along with your expectations, it is unethical to terminate with them without offering them information on other places they can go.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ctgb8l", "comment_id": "exkvnfp"}, {"question": "It's too bad we can't trade places with someone who actually wants to live but is dying...", "description": "People everywhere who are dying of horrible diseases like cancer, who want so badly with every fibre of their being to live just one more day. Personally when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll just be disappointed I didn't die in my sleep. The universe is a fucked up, backwards, paradoxical place, I won't miss it when I go.", "answer": "You can help others in other ways than trading places.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b4f8qs", "comment_id": "ej6lvoo"}, {"question": "Everyone else's lives will go back to being enjoyable when COVID-19 blows over while I'll still be just as miserable", "description": "I have nothing to look forward to. No one will be excited to see me when this over. My life won't improve and I'll still be an awkward loser.", "answer": "That's a really hard place to be in. Maybe you can use this time to read some books by or for people with Aspergers and get some ideas for how you might build a better life for yourself despite having Aspergers? There are lots of books out there, a few that come to mind are Look Me In The Eye, Uniquely Human, and Temple Grandin's books.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "fv35pw", "comment_id": "fmgbo9e"}, {"question": "therapist doesnt want me working?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I don't know that it would be a red flag. What makes you say that? Are you concerned some type of fraud is going on?\n\nIf she is offering to do the paperwork necessary for SSI, that is pretty cool. \n\nI don't know enough to say that you should or shouldn't,  just not exactly certain what is rubbing you the wrong way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hu8mub", "comment_id": "fym3zp2"}, {"question": "Adult ADHD first appointment Monday", "description": "Did that title rhyme? \n\n​\n\nBig thanks to this subreddit I've found so many helpful techniques and ways to prevent my ADHD of getting the best of me.  reading about everybody's stories has help me prevent things before happening and i find myself giving my ADHD the middle finger more lately and it feels good.\n\n​\n\nGoing to a appointment with a LMHC, \n\nWhat i expect out of my appointment \n\n\u00ba Getting diagnosed \n\n\u00ba Coping mechanisms for anxiety and sometimes i get depressed.\n\n\u00ba Figure more about whats going on.. sounds dumb BUT my brain is my norm. Am I a typical brain or whats going on. What if i think im normal but what if my self-assessment is really bad.  Am I normal or a psycho-path (i don't think im a psycho-path thats just a example) \n\n\u00ba Homework or reference me to a more qualified specialist \n\n​\n\nI've always stayed away from doctors and therapist mainly because my parents never trusted doctors and pass that mentality onto me.  STAY AWAY FROM THEM DAMN PILL PUSHERS lol.... \n\nI am somewhat skeptical of seeing a counselor, I am excited but at the same time what are you going to do.. ask a whole bunch of questions i dont have the answers for?  A lot of helpful information on CBT is online \n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "The first appointment is usually an intake appointment, where they gather information to use for your treatment. Depending on the therapist, they may feel competent to treat ADHD or not. I know I sought out a specialist for ADHD treatment when I first started going to therapy.\n\nResearch has shown that the active ingredient in therapy is the relationship between client and counselor, not so much the actual techniques used. You might be able to find CBT stuff on the internet but the advantage of going to see a therapist is that the handouts will be tailored to your needs.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajvhl5", "comment_id": "eez7ta3"}, {"question": "BF [26/M]liked picture of ex Tinder hookup in bikini and I [24/F] feel disrespected but don't know if I'm making this into a bigger issue than it is.", "description": "I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year now. Halfway into our relationship, I found out that a friend of his had actually been a Tinder hookup. After this, she became the source of many problems. For example, the first problem was when she threw a party and my boyfriend didn't invite me to go along with him. We have had other problems because of her. My boyfriend says she is a great networking connection, which is why he insists on staying friends with her. I have never asked him to drop her as a friend because I really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. He recently liked a picture of her in a bikini and I got really upset because I felt it was disrespectful to me. I also told him it seems like a disgusting thing to do when you have a girlfriend and know she has a problem with this girl. We spoke and he said he doesn't see how it is disrespectful to me and that he doesn't think this is a big deal. He tells me he likes me and is with me for a reason. He also said he barely talks to her as she no longer lives in the same state so not a big deal. Thoughts? Am I really just blowing this out of proportion? \nThank you in advance for your help! \n\nEDIT: To answer some questions.\n1. He is very selective of likes. \n2. The reason I knew this friend and him had a history before was because of his manner when he brought her up. I finally asked him and after quickly saying no, he admitted to their history. Her party happened about a week or two after this. . I was not invited to it. Later, when I asked why after a long argument, he blurted out that he just wanted to have fun and knew that if he brought me along, I would most likely want to leave the party early.\n3. Everyone has insecurities but I like to think I'm pretty secure when it comes to female relationships. His best friend is a female and I've never meddled in that friendship. They hang out without me often because I encourage him to maintain relationships without me. He also is friends with other girls and it's never been an issue. \n3. Not that long ago, I found out that they had not just slept together once but had actually dated for a few weeks and the reason it didn't continue was because she preferred to stay friends. Three months after,  he and I met. \n4. Like I said, the reason this is upsetting is because he doesn't think it is a big deal despite knowing how I feel about her. For months he said that he was just keeping her in his life as a networking connection but later admitted she was a friend in the true sense of the word. \n5. I have cut off two guys from my life when they showed interest in me and didn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend. I did it because I wanted my boyfriend to feel secure. (And no, he didn't ask me to.)\n6. I know she was sending him daily snapchats for a while and always commented on his posts. Once to ask him to visit her since he was in the area. Don't know what she sends him through Snapchat but I assume they're innocent snaps. ", "answer": "you said//I really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. \n\nthis is a gigantic red flag!!!! why do you want to be with him????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vqxud", "comment_id": "de43q3t"}, {"question": "Objectifying women & addiction to orgasms", "description": "I\u2019m sorry if I posting something that\u2019s not allowed.Its just I think my addiction has become a problem.I am a Hispanic male 19 years old ,5\u20194\u201d.\n\nIt 1st began in Junior high when my friend told me that he got a boner by looking at a girl.So I started looking up on girls on Instagram then would go home everyday just to get a boner to girls belly dancing.\nWhen it really began was 2 years when I got mad at a game and instead of raging I made myself calm down by forcefully squeezing my legs close to my privy then felt a good sensation.\n\nAll of a sudden I felt so horny all the time seeing these girls in my explorepage belly dancing.I thought it was sexy so I fapped to them.I can literally fap just looking at the way a girls stomach moves but it has to be moving.Also when I fap to a girls midriff they have to be at least a 4.On a scale of 1-10 hotness looks.\n\nSee what I mean.I need help because I do this every night twice.What kind of doctor do I need?\n\n", "answer": "Is this causing any problems in your life, like problems with school, relationships, work? How is your interaction with girls?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b99m1z", "comment_id": "ek3d65z"}, {"question": "Worsening chest pain for 2 weeks", "description": "19, female, UK. Been having wisdom tooth problems lately which means I've been on paracetamol for 4 months (ongoing), was on aspirin and tramadol mix for 3, switched to ibuprofen and tramadol mix but stopped ibuprofen and tram 2 days ago due to stomach issues. Thinking gastritis but mainly I don't feel hungry, can't tell when I need a crap, extreme nausea whenever hungry, thinking of food, eating and drinking (even a sip of water makes me wanna hurl), almost vomited yesterday and took me 3 hours to eat 3 slices of toast due to no appetite. I'm rather gassy too. I find eating sweet foods works best, mainly ice cream and yoghurts but I'm unsure all the dairy is best in my condition. Thought this may be linked so worth mentioning, though these symptoms appeared 2 days ago, almost 2 weeks later than my chest pains.\n\nDue to the wisdom tooth, I've been sleeping on my back, and due to a hip injury that's incredibly painful when I move my lower body, I've hardly been moving. Spending lots of time in bed, I can sleep through most of the day because of really bad fatigue, though i wake up every 3-6 hours in pain requiring more painkillers. I really struggle to sleep on my back as I used to always sleep on my right side. Sometimes I slept on my left but my stomach was unsettled and I sometimes woke up with mild chest pain, so nowadays I try sleep on my back despite discomfort. I have woken up around 7am a few times and flopped on my left side though, it was a tad more comfy, then woken up later and got angry at myself.\n\nSo, the actual pain. I've been having chest pain for 2 weeks, it slowly worsening over time, the past few days has been really bad and the past few hours it's at its worst. I've found neither paracetamol nor ibuprofen helped, I haven't tested in the past few hours. Right now I'm laying with my upper back on my pillow, my head propped up with blankets. It's sort of.. Hurting alongside my heart beat, like pulsating. Moving my arms above my shoulders and too far out cause a sudden surge of pain. As does lifting my head, twisting my upper body or doing any movement really. Laying down is slightly less painful than sitting up, sitting up unsupported is pretty painful. Pressing down on my chest also hurts it more. Even breathing in too heavily hurts. In comparison, the headaches I got from my wisdom tooth, I'd take paracetamol and it'd wear off in 2 hours. Right now this chest pain is actually helping me ignore that headache. I've been awake since 2am and I'm very tired but my chest pain is so painful I can't sleep. \n\nI'm sorry for the long post, I wanted to try be thorough. I'd go to the doctors but the risk of hurling is real and I don't want to risk it, I thought it'd be worth a shot here. Is it just muscle pain or something? It'd make sense as movements hurt but it's really damn painful for just pulled/strained muscles. I thought the stomach issues may be linked because of my throat and stomach acid, but like I said, this has been around longer. \n\nThank you for reading!\n\nE before posting: I also just farted and peed myself a bit. Not much, but I guess I have a weak bladder too? I have this big list of symptoms but last 3 times I went to the doctors they shoved me out. I hope somebody can enlighten me on this issue, I'm desperate for anything lol. Thank you so much", "answer": "[Chest pain](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chest-pain/Pages/Introduction.aspx)\n\nSeen your GP about this? Could be lots of things, probably nothing sinister.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vowhj", "comment_id": "de4u11z"}, {"question": "Does alcohol and marijuana go hand in hand for alcoholics?", "description": "My brother recently finished a 45 day program at a rehab center and really seems to be turning his life around. He reported to me that his senses of taste, smell and feeling is coming back. His skin looks incredibly healthier, he stopped eating fast food as much. Recently though he started his marijuana use again and I know at all rehab centers that\u2019s grounds for readmission. He does have a marijuana card but I know that the rehab centers still would readmit for a positive THC test. \n\nMy question is, if he started marijuana again should I expect a relapse soon?", "answer": "Everybody\u2019s different, so it\u2019s hard to say. I can only speak for myself. I don\u2019t smoke weed at all and never was really into it, and I am definitely an alcoholic. However, if I were to use another drug or substance, I would probably be doing it to get out of myself and feel better or get some relief. It would only be a matter of time before I started drinking again because alcohol is the only thing that gives me the relief I am looking for.  Now, if he is prescribed it and is using for some sort of pain management due to a condition or disease, that\u2019s a different story. Still need to be careful obviously, but the motive for doing it would be different than to get high.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "bzavcf", "comment_id": "eqs476c"}, {"question": "Acquired Asperger's?", "description": "Can Asperger's be acquired through childhood due to a \"bad start\"? While this self-reinforcing pattern of Asperger's is undeniable, how would a normal person raised with little social interaction during that crucial period of social development, where plasticity is sufficient, to the extent that not only might the neurological faculties skip development but atrophy if not find themselves repurposed?", "answer": "There are a lot of reasons that this does not happen.  \n\nFirst, there is a strong genetic component to Asperger's.  People who are related to others with Asperger's, Autism, or even extreme introversion are much, much more likely to have Asperger's.  Of course, that doesn't mean all of them will get it.  One must be genetically vulnerable, and then environment can play its role in any number of ways.\n\nThis is called the diathesis-stress model of mental disorder.  There is diasthesis (biological/genetic/psychophysiological vulnerability) and then interactions with the environment (different types of \"stress\") ultimately determine if a disorder ultimately presents.  This is a concept similar to genotype (genetics) and phenotype (individual expression of genetics).\n\nIt is important to note here that no psychological disorder of any kind will be diagnosed unless it causes significant impairment of daily functioning.\n\nIn my case, although I had many symptoms of Asperger's for my entire life, I was not diagnosed until my late 20's.  Why? Because it wasn't until my 20's that the demands of life placed me outside of the comfort zone I had built for myself as a child. I found ways to fit into life as a child and teenager that were adaptive at the time, but no longer worked in adulthood.  Technically, I didn't have the disorder, but I had a genetic vulnerability for it.  In short, you don't need to diagnose someone until they need to be diagnosed.\n\nGetting to your question more directly: Children tend to be incredibly resilient, much more than they are credited for.  The type of social neglect that would cause a child that is not genetically vulnerable to Asperger's to have all of the required criteria for diagnosis of Asperger's would be so extreme that it would be impossible for ONLY those areas of behavior pertinent to Asperger's to be effected.\n\nThis is analogous to treating a specific illness with a drug.  Almost any drug administered for almost any illness effects many/most cells in the body, not just the ones related to the illness. So we get side effects.\n\nIn the same way it is impossible to send aspirin only to the brain cells causing a headache, it is impossible to neglect a child in precisely the right way to create the symptoms of Asperger's without also creating a number of other symptoms that would necessitate the diagnosis of a disorder other than Asperger's.  My best guess would be a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. \n\nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "19qsh1", "comment_id": "c8ql53b"}, {"question": "I love him but..", "description": "Please no judgement or grammar police.\n\nMy partner and I have been together for a couple of years now and we have a perfect little boy and 2 equally as perfect fur babies together. He's an amazing person, he works long days to provide for us, he spoils me more than I deserve and he's the best dad I've ever come across.. BUT.. I just don't think I'm interested anymore. And I feel absolutely horrible for feeling this way. He works 6am-7pm every day and I appreciate all the hard work he puts in for us. Part of me feels some resentment towards him. I've always been independent, whenever I was bored of a town I'd pack up and move to another. He's always had this dream of picture perfect family because his upbringing involved drugs, violence, selfish parents and gangs. I wanted to fulfill that dream for him because he deserves it but while I was busy doing that, I forgot about myself and how starting a family and losing my independence would affect me. I always worked alongside him so we were together 24/7 and travelling now all of a sudden I'm a stay at home mother, in the countryside and in a different country from our family and friends. Because of his long hours at work I'm quite comfortable with not having him around and it's really starting to show. He gets home from work and tries to start a conversation but I'm either shutting him down or on the phone talking to family or friends back in my home country and not spending any time with him. I criticise everything he says and I can sit in the same room as him for hours and not say a word to him. I find myself checking out other guys (which I have never done in the past) and imaging what it would be like being with someone else. I don't want to feel like this. I would never cheat on him and he doesn't deserve to have his family broken up after everything he's done for us. \n\nPlease someone give me some advice.. He's a good man and everyone takes him for granted and to be honest, lately I've been one of those people too. ", "answer": "you may be struggling with 'end of honeymoon syndrome'. that will happen in every relationship. make sure you REALLY don't love\nhim if you're moving on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a5k5c", "comment_id": "dhbuhdr"}, {"question": "Emotions", "description": "Don't ge tme wrong. I love most emotions, I don't even mind the occasional anxiety and fear. However, it is when these things go on longer than you want them to that they get really, really annoying.\nHow many of you would get a ctrl+alt+del function for yourselves if you could? ", "answer": "My ctrl+alt+del is taking a deep breath and telling myself that it's okay to feel my emotions completely... works like magic.  Sorry if it sounds cheesy.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14tj1x", "comment_id": "c7gbg9x"}, {"question": "My RE won't prescribe me Metformin since my insulin and androgen levels are normal. What now?", "description": "I've heard of a lot of people having luck with Metformin. I went to an RE to take a look at my ovaries and hormone levels. All of my hormone levels returned as normal but I still have cysts all over my ovaries and my periods are somewhat irregular. He said he can't prescribe me Metformin since my insulin is normal, there's no need.\n\nWhat can I do now?\n\nEdit: Thank you all. It feels really nice to talk to people about this. You've inspired me to seek a second opinion. I still want to lose 20 pounds before seeking other kinds of treatment because I've already  lost 30 pounds and that weight loss really improved my symptoms, so I want to see what losing the remaining 20 pounds would do. I'll be sure to post an update to the weight loss, and to the 2nd opinion.", "answer": "Inositol in a 40:1 ratio of myo to D-chiro.\n\nI couldn't tolerate metformin and started taking 2 g of that a day and have been having regular periods with no side effects, it's awesome! \n\nI've found this one to be the least expensive and is what I've been using:\n\n[https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBX6NG2/ref=oh\\_aui\\_detailpage\\_o01\\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBX6NG2/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9w02en", "comment_id": "e9gyw1b"}, {"question": "When I hangout with people, I try to make sure we're more than 2 in total. Is this bad?", "description": "I dont think im socially awkward. I have no problem talking to people about deep topics or day to day topics, the problem is i dont know what to talk about. Im not a very interesting person in general, working on figuring out some hobbies for myself because i dont have any.\n\n​\n\nI work, gym, then go home and watch TV or spend hours on reddit, insta, etc. I have friends, we go out and its all good. But when im with just 1 person, I find difficulty coming up with topics to talk about and hence I try to have 2 people + me so they can generate conversation that I can join in. \n\n​\n\nIs this bad? What should i do to improve and have conversation topics?", "answer": "Read actual books. Books offer in-depth analysis and complex stories that will generate more interests compared to just scrolling and reading articles.\n\nEdit: I\u2019m truly curious about why this comment would get downvotes\u2014please feel free to explain! Books are wonderful, I\u2019m just not comprehending the downvotes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "cji0vq", "comment_id": "evdg0j0"}, {"question": "What does it mean when someone looks at your chest when you talk to them ?", "description": "I'm a guy and both guys and girls sometimes glance at my chest when I talk to them, in skinny so I don't know why they would looking, is it a sign they like you?", "answer": "Glancing and staring are two different things.  A lot of people are just uncomfortable with sustained eye contact.  You can probably find at least 100 people on this sub that fall into that category so need somewhere to divert their eyes.  What you're noticing might just be their way of diverting their eyes due to their anxiety. \n\n\nSome of them could be checking you out, but it's really contextual.  I'd assume if that were the case it might be a little more obvious to you, say if they were doing this while flirting.  \n\n\nOr as Greywolf stated, it could be something as simple as they're admiring your shirt, or as Ross said, if you're taller than them a more comfortable line of sight.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8whlgd", "comment_id": "e1w2pe2"}, {"question": "Need help about a roommate and his puppy...", "description": "Original rent 500 including all utilities. Guy who rents room wanted a dog. I said 600/month total with adult dog, 700/month total with puppy. Guy works all night, and is constantly mandated for OT. Therefore, I'm constantly taking care of puppy for him. Is increase to 700 while a puppy unreasonable?", "answer": "Increase.  You are doing a work that they do at boarding places.  If it was me I would increase it more but that might cause them to move out haha ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48xh6g", "comment_id": "d0nk6zw"}, {"question": "Do psyhchiatrists usually diagnose patients within the hour of being seen for an intake appointment? I think I was wrongly diagnosed. Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features not too long ago but I have yet to have a depressive episode.", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 87lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a while\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations, Raynaud's syndrome.\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example):\n\nHi, it's me again. The girl who said she didn't sleep for 30+ days. After, a couple of weeks after that post, I think I started sleeping at least 2-3 hours a day which is definitely better than how I was before that. I just feel like I'm all over the place. I feel like a bad person and people online call me a manipulator and abusive person. Their were a couple times this week that I have driven to a bridge but was unsuccessful finding parking to walk there and contemplate suicide. I even wrote a letter saying goodbye to my family. People think I'm doing all of this for attention online but I'm serious. I think I was either wrongly diagnosed or have both bipolar and bpd. I'm very impulsive as a person. I don't think I've had a depressive episode after the 30+ days of no sleep. \n\nI don't know if that has to do with my ADHD. I just also feel like it would be better for everyone around me as well as people I've talked to online that I leave this world. I think it would do everyone a favor. I think the reason why the last pshchiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder was because I had a time in the past where I would have a episodes of no motivation during school semesters or the summer. I have flunked so many times because of no motivation and just doubting myself as well as losing jobs due to not wanting to get out of bed or not wanting to go to work. Anxiety has also played a role. \n\nDuring the 30 days of no sleep, I went to the hospital multiple times because of the bad anxiety and sleeping issue. I think the spending issue could possibly be related to both bpd and bipolar disorder because I have not spend so much money like actually maxing out my credits cards all the time. Only time I did this was last month as well as the beginning of this month and last year during my birthday maybe. During last year, I made a post about being potentially schizphrenic because I was extremely terrified of my house and saw ghosts as well as heard things here and there. This year and last year I would hear my name being called at work or home but nobody would say it or nobody was there. I got kicked out of a university last year because my GPA was so bad for 3 semester's. \n\nI would self harm in the my car in the parking lot. I also do that sometimes out of anger, punishment, and sometimes to feel pain for no reason. I also have been on and off with being very hypersexual. I have never had sex before but I've been really frustrated lately. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Anyway, I'm babbling and am sorry about that. I probably missed a couple things. I would rather thing having borderline personality disorder to be surprising because I don't think I've ever been abused. Also, I forgot to mention during the time of not sleeping for 30+ days and other symptoms I was very irritable and snapped a couple times by breaking some of the items I really cherished. I drive when I'm really upset and sometimes recklessly or I'm like numb or zoned out. That happened yesterday. Almost got into a couple accidents the day I really thought I should end it. \n\nI also forgot to mention that during the 30+ days of no sleep I was hearing and seeing things here and there but nothing like last year. That was the worst time of my life. I would beg my parents to come home because I was so afraid of being home alone and getting attacked by something or someone. I'm not going to lie, I think drugs are poison but at the same time I want someone to help me. I'm just afraid. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. People online that I've talked to think I'm crazy because I overreacted about someone acting like me on my discord account and I thought I was genuinely being hacked and freaking out over it via text. So they banned me. I have really bad anger outbursts but it's usually when im provoked or when I feel like I'm being attacked most of the time or made fun of. I don't think I've been in a depressive episode after the 30 days of no sleep. \n\nAnyway, I'm sorry I'm all over the place. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker. It's what people online tell me but all I want is for someone to help me and card about me. I'm seeing a neurologist another psychiatrist and another appointment at a hospital I think with a therapist in a couple weeks. I just want someones professional opinion on all of this. Am I a toxic person? I'm just frustrated with my entire life and just everything going on. I don't know what to do. I'm trying weed for the first time this week. I went to great lengths to get it because I think maybe it'll fix me.", "answer": "I\u2019d like to emphasize what u/psychick said but add that you should not use marijuana. If you have had any psychotic symptoms then marijuana is a high-risk drug to use. Please don\u2019t. It will not help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw7v6r", "comment_id": "ey8z5ic"}, {"question": "Answering \u201cHow are you?\u201d honestly", "description": "Anyone else ever feel like just answering \u201cnot good\u201d or just being really honest when being asked this question by strangers or acquaintances. There\u2019s people in my office who ask me this everyday and I feel awkward sometimes answering it, one of them picked up on it and after I mumbled \u201cGood\u201d they said \u201cyou don\u2019t sound too convincing!\u201d", "answer": "Most of the time I will answer honestly if someone's legitimately asking and it's not just a standard greeting.  (I live in the Northeast so \"Hey how you doing?\" means \"hello\" and is often answered with \"Hey how you doing?\" more often than an actual response.)\n\n\nI don't see anything wrong with \"Not doing so great today\", \"Having a bit of a rough week.\", \"Feeling kind of tired.\" \u2026\u2026. You?\n\n\nIf they care to know why or talk about it they'll ask.  If they don't, they won't.  It takes a lot less mental energy to just be honest than to try to walk around with a fake smile on my face.  Having more mental energy helps me to turn it around when I can.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ac8r8h", "comment_id": "ed67u14"}, {"question": "My depression got worse over a stupid video game", "description": "I just finished playing Life Is Strange (Well, up to episode 3, super excited for ep 4) and I feel much more depressed than usual, especially after the first episode (which was the most relaxing one). I\u2019m going to try to explain this to the best of my abilities, but I\u2019ve never really felt this way before.\n\nI feel a sense of nostalgia and sadness, like I feel like I squandered my high school years (sophomore in college), like I wish my life was somewhat like Max\u2019s (sans powers). I just wish I could\u2019ve lived in a small little sea side town on the coast of Oregon surrounded by pine trees and rain. I feel like I missed out on something while I was suffering in a shitty inner city school where I isolated myself from all my peers, I hated this feeling so much. It\u2019s like nostalgia for something I never had. I\u2019ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat and thinking about what my life could have been, but wasn\u2019t.\n\nThis is so fucking dumb and I hate myself for this, why do I always want to live in a fictional world?\n", "answer": "I've been there. Try being a huge fan of underrated games that flopped and will never get a sequel (System Shock 2) *sigh*. \n\nNostalgia and sadness are all a part of depression. It is also not all that unusual for a game, song, movie, or a story to trigger episodes and cause you to overthink things. You want to live in a fictional world because everybody needs a chance to escape for a while. There is nothing unusual there. \n\nJust don't forget to poke your head out from time to time and live in the real world. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3ei7jx", "comment_id": "ctfs9ow"}, {"question": "Why back muscles have strain and pain while front muscles(abs pectoral etc) never do?", "description": "I do office work. Got a lot of back and neck muscles strain.\n\nBut even people don't do such work would agree with me that back muscles got pain much easier than front ones.\n\nAnd you see cupping marks usually on the back.\n\nCan someone explain this?", "answer": "Wrong sub...this is for mental health therapists not physical therapists. \u263a\ufe0f", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "byrren", "comment_id": "eqkxmr7"}, {"question": "Starting working the drive-thru window at my job, and it's helped a TON with my social anxiety.", "description": "Exposure therapy really works I guess. I went from being nervous reading out orders to doing it very casually and talking a lot with my coworkers. It's insane how much it's helped and I'm reallh proud of myself for doing it.\n\nNow time to ask my crush to hang out at some point \ud83e\udd18\n\nEdit: Can't reply to everyone, but I've read all your comments and I'm really glad to hear you guys have had similar experiences. I'll also make sure to update later on if anything happens with my crush.", "answer": "When I have a fixed role in a situation I find my anxiety is far less than if it were just a casual hangout.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ffoh6h", "comment_id": "fk0ya64"}, {"question": "Parenting in a wheelchair", "description": "Me and my wife are planning on starting a family very soon. I am looking for advice on equipment and resources that you have found helpful in caring for an infant while in a wheelchair. I am a C5-C6 quadriplegic and use a wheelchair.", "answer": "Check out this website: http://sciparenting.com/", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "hku256", "comment_id": "g29nufj"}, {"question": "Had sex with a married woman..Changed my phone number.. my life is falling apart", "description": "I am 20 years old and a few days ago I had sex with a woman 12 years older than me that I barley knew. (32 years old.) Turns out she had a husband. and 2 kids. Afterwards I became paranoid that he would find out somehow and track me down. Every unknown phone call I got scared me to death. Finally today I started getting an unknown phone call, again and again and again. I freaked out, I was afraid to answer. So what did I do? I went straight to AT&T and changed my phone number. WHY?!? I fucked up. Later I find out it was just my mother calling from the on-star phone in her car because she left her phone at the house today. WTF? So I text everyone in my phone that I have a new number, And my reason? I said I had been getting too many sales calls and just wanted a new number. Not a new phone just a new number... HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS TO PEOPLE?\nI'm feeling like my life is over now. I just had to get that off my chest. I must be the world biggest dumbass. I doubt anyone believes my story and now everytime I look at my phone number its going to remind me of today and how fucking stupid I am right? Also I can't change my number back because Ive already told everyone about my new number. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. thanks..", "answer": "Why are you still freaking out?  It's done.  And changing your number due to spam is a great excuse.  Why would you need a new phone?  You wouldn't.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1p3mcy", "comment_id": "ccyga89"}, {"question": "Any advice on how to talk to people?", "description": "I have trouble with coming up with things to talk about. I never know what to say if I don't already know the person. I santo become more social and meet new people but my fear of having nothing to say keeps me from doing so. Obviously I could just talk to everyone and get better but what are other tips that you guys could give me to improve my conversation skills. ", "answer": "Try this [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "16ca2t", "comment_id": "c7usriq"}, {"question": "21 male with substance and mental health problem", "description": "Hey guys my name is alex. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, major depressive disorder, severe anxiety and adhd.\nI'm a recovering heroin addict(in so much of recovering means if someone offered me a bundle or even a bag i would jump right on it.\nwe hear all this story of dope being laced, but when its this bad, it doesn't matter( a friend of mine overdosed on the same shit i did after finding out it killed him). his ex gave me all his shit( the shit that killed him) and i did it all and i miss it so much. i have been off my meds since late october and i dont really know what to do", "answer": "The key here is not to die. As long as you're alive, things have a chance of going better. \n\nFind a program and follow it even though it's not near perfect. You could start by going to a meeting every day.\n\nKnow that everything that's hard is survivable. \n\nIf you relapse, START SMALL.  For god's sake, don't od on your regular fix. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6axeri", "comment_id": "dhifdwm"}, {"question": "Is this a breach of privacy?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "The doctor cannot tell you anything without your dad's permission, but you are allowed to tell your dad's doctor whatever you want, and she can do with it whatever she wants. There is no law or regulation against it.\n\nWhether it's ethical is a separate question. I would still say yes: you are trying to help your dad even if he doesn't want you to help him.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9l5i3a", "comment_id": "e746prs"}, {"question": "Is under 4\u201910 LeGaLLy constitute someone as a little person? Or do you need a medical diagnosis?", "description": "23F // White // 115lbs // smoker // No drinking // \n\n\nI\u2019m 4\u201910 and my whole life people have told me I\u2019m LeGaLly a little person even though I\u2019ve had growth plate testing and genetic testing done to have my doctors say otherwise and I don\u2019t fit the other criteria for being a little person. \n\nSo here I am wanting to validate something for people like me, danny devito, and snooki haha are we just somehow by the government with no other criteria of dwarfism besides being short considered actual little people? \n\nBecause dang if I\u2019m a little person this whole time I missed out on a lot of disability benefits. (That\u2019s a joke because I in no way shape or form feel like a little person and I feel like that\u2019s an insult to the little person community for me to claim that title) \n\nThanks for any help in advanced! I really just want to settle it, if I\u2019m wrong I\u2019ll take the L!", "answer": "I believe the legal cutoff is *below* 4'10\" in the US, which would exclude you. As the other poster noted, if you want to know about ADA and regulatory meaning, it's a legal question rather than a medical one. Medically, it's possible to be normal and just on the far end of the bell curve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8c906", "comment_id": "faas9d7"}, {"question": "Do you think that the saying \"nice guys finish last\" has any truth?", "description": "Ive just been a little curious about this. I have notice some that this might have some truth to it when it comes to girls. I know all girls are different but over all do you think that this may be true? Advice, experiences or opinions welcome.", "answer": "Depends on what constitutes ' the finish line.'", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1xxpbt", "comment_id": "cffng7h"}, {"question": "The constant anxiety of past actions is fucking unbearable.", "description": "I\u2019ve been so cringy and awkward to so many people it\u2019s hard to keep count. Everywhere I go now I feel like I\u2019m the weird one because of all the awkward stuff people have seen me do before. \n\nEvery. Single. Fucking. Day there\u2019s always something I\u2019ve done to cringe about. Most people have one moment in their life that makes them cringe, but I have them about once a week, and they paralyse me with just sheer embarrassment and sadness. \n\nI know I\u2019m not overreacting, because if I was someone else and witnessed the awkward shit I was doing, I\u2019d think I was a fucking weirdo too. Man I just hate myself so much. I\u2019m unbelievably far from the person I want to be it\u2019s almost unbearable. Everyday I see confident people, it\u2019s unbearable knowing that I\u2019m not one of them.\n\nThe realisation that you\u2019re not the person you want to be is the hardest thing that can happen to someone. \n\nI\u2019m completely stuck. I need help. \n\n", "answer": "I relate, so so so much. \n\nListen though. Beating yourself (ourselves) up for something we have already done is not helpful and will only lead to more self-conscious induced cringy moments in the future. The only thing you can do is make a mental note of what you don\u2019t feel good doing/saying and think about how you can avoid repeating your mistake. Most of the time, the answer is one of these things: be more in the moment, slow down, take breaths, and do more listening and asking questions than talking. \n\nSecond, think hard about your cringy moment and what other people were doing throughout the time you were in their presence. Throughout that time, can you name one single even somewhat cringy thing that another person did? Because I bet you a million dollars at least one of those people you interacted with *can.* At least one of them went home and kicked themselves because of something dumb they thought they said or did. But you didn\u2019t notice because you were focused on yourself and they were focused on themselves. Whatever you did, it wasn\u2019t as big as you think it is. I\u2019ll even go ahead and believe you - let\u2019s say you were cringy. It\u2019s very, very, very unlikely that anyone else is spending more than half a second thinking about your cringy moment. They\u2019ve moved past it.\n\nBreathe. Tomorrow is a chance to be even a marginally better version of yourself, and obsessing is not helpful. Distract yourself. Breathe. Treat yourself to something you enjoy like a snack or a movie. You need some self care right now and you deserve it. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "871o1v", "comment_id": "dwaao01"}, {"question": "How to raise topic of circumcision in therapy?", "description": "Hello!  I have a question about how to raise a specific, sensitive topic in therapy, and I'm very nervous.  I'm looking for guidance, not trying to \"do the work\" here, if that makes sense.\n\nI'm a 30 y.o. circumcised man, and ever since I first asked why I've been circumcised, I've been unhappy about it.  I mostly feel violated about the procedure itself, which was done for non-medical reasons without anesthetic (dad is Jewish and wanted me to look like him).  I guess a part of me also wishes I could experience sex with a foreskin, but of course I'll have to find a way to accept my body the way it is.  It feels like I'm going through a grieving process similar to when I had to accept that my family is dysfunctional, except this time I'm going through it completely alone.\n\nI've been in therapy for years and worked through a bunch of stuff with my therapist.  She's great, and I've discussed a lot of other private details with her.  Circumcision is different.  She has a two-year-old son, and I have no idea whether her son was circumcised or what her views are.  I'm nervous about even introducing her to the idea that not all men are happy they were circumcised.\n\nI'm scared to even mention it here, because from what I've seen on reddit, the typical responses is to tell men to \"get over it\" or assume that there \"must be something deeper\" going on.  I guess that's always a possibility, but this feels like a pretty legitimate thing to grieve.\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapists are specifically trained to not let their personal views enter into the therapeutic relationship, so whatever her values are regarding her son she will be able to set those aside and join with you in your distress. I think you have every right to feel conflicted about your body and decisions made about it without your input. You absolutely are going through a grief process, and your therapist can surely help you process it. It sounds like you have a great, trusting relationship built with her already. Trust her again to support you in this process. Good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bv8c1u", "comment_id": "epmrq05"}, {"question": "How strong is teva-venlafaxine 75 mg tablets", "description": "Girlfriend is taking two every day for anxiety and missed a dose and got every symptom from withdrawal.\n\nAnything yoy guys can tell me about this drug... Are there much stronger ones that are prescribed or is this pretty much the top dog?", "answer": "Theres no \"stronger\" antidepressant, though some are more effective than others in large sample studies (Cipriani et al).\n\nI prescribe venlafaxine regularly. Its effective for many. General principles is to try the top dose (if tolerated) for a while before switching. Venlafaxine typically goes up to 375mg daily (in the UK).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4jqc", "comment_id": "dxsgetq"}, {"question": "Undermining the legitimacy of psychological science.", "description": "http://robingoldstein.net/alcohol-weed-and-self-medication/\n\nI seriously doubt that Dr. Goldstein actually wrote this article, and she probably believes it is all true. But it occurs to me that roughly 90% of the claims made here are false. I concede that any particular assertion could be explained as an error or mistake, but clearly the intended purpose of whomever wrote this article was misinformation: [an attempt to undermine] the legitimacy of psychological science. This is a very serious crime [conspiracy], and the consumers of Goldstein's practice have likely suffered abuse and maltreatment as a consequence, not to mention anybody who has has actually read the article. What can we do about this?", "answer": "Please provide evidence for your claim that 90% of the assertions made in your linked article are false.\n\nHow does any of that undermine the legitimacy of psychological science? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "21yik7", "comment_id": "cghubsd"}, {"question": "Trouble making decisions", "description": "Hey! \nI don\u2019t know why I\u2019m making this post it\u2019s just something that been on my mind. I tried to turn to google for answers but came up with nothing. So I\u2019m here to see if anyone feels the same, and also to feel less alone.. i guess. \n\nI\u2019m a 25 year old female who struggles with making decisions. Yes I\u2019m an adult who still struggles with that. I over think every single possible outcome, and when I finally make a decision I\u2019m left with regret. I\u2019m always left feeling like I made the wrong choice big or small. \n\nThis has been an issue I\u2019ve struggled with since I was a child. \n\nI got diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar depression last year but my medications don\u2019t seem to be working, as I am still anxious. \n\n\nI just started seeing a therapist and I\u2019m getting re-evaluated but I have to wait for my insurance to approve it.\n\nMy question here is does anyone else struggle with this? How to you cope? If you were able to overcome this, how? Also what could be wrong with me? Is this just anxiety?\n\nI feel like I live every single day with regret and it\u2019s becoming unbearable", "answer": "I do this too. Super indecisive and take forever to make a choice agonizing over all the \u201cwhat if\u2019s\u201d and all the possible outcomes. Then after I make the decision I wonder if it was the right one and question myself doing the \u201cmaybe I should have done y instead of x.\u201d I work on trying to deal with it by talking to other people who are helpful and don\u2019t get annoyed with me for needing to talk it out. I also sometimes write things down and make a pro con list or sorts. I try to focus on the known info and try to only go up one level of the \u201cwhat if\u2019s\u201d instead of the whole tree of them. For the anxiety after I try and tell myself I made the best decision because of x, y, and z and try and think of the benefits of choosing the way I did. It takes practice and I still struggle some days. I work on being in the present moment and being mindful when I feel myself going down the spiral or ruminating over it. A lot of it is anxiety and it\u2019s also not feeling like I am competent or good enough to make the best choice (which I try and remind myself that I am).  Breathing and focusing on the breath is helpful in calming the anxiety. Give yourself compassion and start trying to trust yourself.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fuvlhp", "comment_id": "fmgri2u"}, {"question": "Panic attack or seizure?", "description": "23, male, 5\u2019 7\u201d, 200lbs., white. Last September I had an episode that sent me to the ER. I started off crying with a lot of fear and anxiety. This progressed into sitting on the edge of my bed pedaling with my feet and moving my arms in random directions. My fianc\u00e9 mentioned that I made a humming noise the entire time it was happening. I remember being able to hear everything going on around me but not being able to respond or control my movements. The crying and fear part lasted about 5-10 minutes, and the episode lasted around 5-10 minutes. The doctor at the ER said it was a panic attack. No neuro tests were run. Labs came back normal with a mildly elevated TSH.\n\nI\u2019ve had panic attacks in the past but none like this. When I mentioned this to the doctor he acted like this was normal, despite me trying to tell him that it was abnormal for me, especially since I had no control over the episode. Since then I\u2019ve had two of these same episodes. One happened right after I got very fearful and started crying like the one that got me sent to the ER. The second one came on with no warning other than a strange feeling that came on suddenly beforehand. My last episode was January of 2018. \n\nFebruary of 2018 I was sent to a psychiatrist for paranoia and strange aura like sensations. I was out on Lamictal, Lexapro, Risperdal, and Xanax. I\u2019ve been using them since then until this past week. I\u2019m tapering off of them due to side effects of the meds getting worse. My primary care doctor is unsure if this was an epileptic seizure, a PNES, or a panic attack. She seems to think it was an epileptic seizure or PNES. I was never referred to a neurologist. ", "answer": "That sounds very much like a panic attack and not very much like a seizure. There's no way to be absolutely certain without monitoring during an episode. But if it's not a generalized tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizure, there also aren't really tests to run after the fact that can confirm that it is or isn't a seizure, and even for those classic seizures tests afterwards are suggestive but not confirmatory.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m99ci", "comment_id": "e7d0k13"}, {"question": "i might be aromatic but i dont know how to explain", "description": "hello, me and a friend decided to try out a romantic relationship.\n\nit was his idea and the feelings came from his part, and i agreed to try it because i thought it would be unfair to not give it a go. however, i'm not a very affectionate person and not too keen on romance, so after a bit of research and talking with others i think i'm aromantic? \n\nhe is a good and sweet friend and we have alot in common, so i know he won't judge me or be rude or whatever but i want to end the romantic aspect of our relationship and keep the platonic- how do i explain my situation to him? \n\nedit: i meant \"aromantic\" not aromatic. my apologies", "answer": "\"Aromatic\": adj.  having a pleasing smell. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh8ck", "comment_id": "di2li8k"}, {"question": "F***ing Mother In-Law", "description": "I'm fucking sick of her.  She's overbearing and wicked judgemental.  Comes off as nice and warm if you only spend a short period of time with her, but when you're living with her, it ends up beating you down day after day.\n\nThe other day after actually paying me a compliment, she follows right up with criticisms of my ability to be a father and husband based off of random things that she saw ten years ago.  Stupid shit like that.  I'm fucking sick of it.  Fuck her and the fucking pedestal she lives on (which is bullshit, of course).\n\nCan't tell her, can't tell wife, since we have kids and the kids have a great relationship with her.  I'm not ruining that no matter how much I want to tell her off.  So I come here to blow off steam.  Thanks.", "answer": "Hello fellow New Englander. I'm wicked sorry for you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4y5apx", "comment_id": "d6ldtbt"}, {"question": "Hotline", "description": "9 8 8", "answer": "That change won't be happening for at most 18 months. For now use the old number.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eajdg7", "comment_id": "fasll46"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Note that I am a therapist but I am not YOUR therapist and the accuracy of my advice may vary based on where you are located, as well as the training, ethical code, and clinical judgement of your specific therapist. YOUR therapist knows a lot more about this than I do, and I can't provide psychological help over reddit. \n\nFWIW, my experience is that clients fear that I am MUCH more likely to involuntarily hospitalize them than I actually am. \n\nHowever, I always feel cautious about giving specifics for OTHER therapists because I do not know where you are, how your therapist is licensed, or how your therapist interprets their ethical and legal obligations. \n\nWith that said, I will note that suicidal ideation is very common. If we hospitalized everyone who thought about killing themselves, we would be hospitalizing a truly absurd number of people. (In fact, FWIW, I would be hospitalized.) \n\nIn my clinic, involuntary hospitalization would look something like, \"I have a specific plan to kill myself that I intend to carry out and I refuse to safety plan with you.\"\n\nI strongly encourage you to ask your therapists about this. For example, in your shoes, I might say something like, \"I remember you saying that one reason you might break confidentiality is if I pose a serious threat to myself. I am wondering if you can give me some more information about that. How does this clinic define this?\"\n\nIf you give your therapist information about suicidal thoughts, your therapist probably WILL ask you a bunch of questions to assess risk, such as asking if you have a gun in the house. This doesn't mean that they are trying to institutionalize you, but just that they are trying to figure out what sorts of things might need to be included on a safety plan if you end up making one. (And to make sure that they are documenting what they need to document.)\n\nThere may also be some additional considerations if you are under the age of 18.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fmqd81b"}, {"question": "Can't check in today. I feel miserable and want to drink.", "description": "I can't bring myself to comment on the check-in thread because I can't say for definite that I won't drink today.\n\nI have every reason not to drink; I'm only 4 hours away from my 2 week badge, I'm not supposed to drink with my meds etc. etc. but I feel, more than anything, that I just want to say f*ck it all. \n\nI keep reading all these inspirational comments and articles about how everyone feels SO much better 2 weeks in and their sleep is great, they feel happier, they've lost weight and their skin looks great. I've had none of that. I thought week 1 was a walk in the park, I didn't miss alcohol, I had no withdrawal symptoms and I was full of optimism. This week I've felt stressed, irritable, useless, and miserable.\n\nHow can I feel so bad after doing something so supposedly great?", "answer": "It took two months for me to get 30 days. When you wake up tomorrow try not to beat yourself up too much--that will lead right back to your next drink. \n\nSometimes in early sobriety (or even much later) we need to do more research before we know for sure if we really want this. It takes what it takes. \n\nWhen you decide you really want this and you have another day like this, don't worry about 24 hours. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. When you feel this way, just find something, anything you can do to distract yourself--just for the next few minutes. Don't worry about what comes next until it comes. \n\nThe first few weeks are the absolute worst. But you can do it. Hugs. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "70x9ry", "comment_id": "dn77jq2"}, {"question": "I (32f) am feeling anxious and suffocated by my husband(30m)", "description": "Yes I know, talk to him. So easy and simple but not. Not when he references other conversations, taking what I've said out of context, or how I was before.ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for at least this past year.\n\nOur libidos don't match up anymore. They've gone from equal to him wanting it even more and me wanting it less. I can't even hug him, kiss him, cuddle, or even look at him without him getting hard and wanting to go have sex. If it were quickies I could do that, but it's like marathon sex sessions almost every time. I hate disappointing him with rejection so I've drawn back, I've stopped trying to touch him and be intimate because I don't want to turn him on only to tell him no, I'm not in the mood. It's a cycle that just keeps creating anxiety in me. \n\nI'm stressed about so many things I can't even decompress when I get home because he's right there, always trying for sex or just trying to get me to talk. I just need a few to come back from the day. I'm a true introvert and my energy stores have been depleted. I just can't deal. I've tried telling him this but i don't think he fully gets it. He use to be so good at reading me and my emotions, but now it's like he went blind.\n\nEvery day he tells me he misses me and can't wait to be home with me. It's not like we don't work in the same town, not like I won't be home in a few hours to see you. He also sends me porn links and sexts me multiple times a day, even on Fridays which I've told him not to before, they are a high stress day at work for me. Yes I could just ignore them like he says, but he could just not send them like I asked. I'd shut my phone off completely Fridays if I didn't need it for work. It's getting stiffling, I can't breathe. I don't have emotions like that. When he went to visit his parents for a few days I missed him, but it was nice being able to relax and not be anxious for those few days. When he came back we had great sex, multiple times a day for a few days. He wanted it to keep going, I didn't need it to. Thus the anxiety kicked back in.\n\nHe jerks off daily, most of the time at least twice a day. I'm fine with that, I really am. But usually he'd do it while I'm asleep or not home from work yet, now he'll just start jerking while I'm right next to him watching TV. If he thinks that's a good way to get me to join...It's not, it just kicks an anxiety attack into high gear and shuts me down even more. \n\nI guess I just needed to get this out so it won't play in my head all day. Idk of this even belongs here.\n\nUpdate: Incase anyone is still seeing this. We talked a little. Apparently when I say no nicely it reminds him of the crazy ex. He thinks I'm bored with our sex life so was trying different ways to ask me for sex. I told him I'm not bored, I'm just being turned off by his approach and that I don't want to hurt him. He said he understands I'm not always in the mood, that a hand or blow job would be ok too... Not exactly the best compromise but it'll do for now. \n\nAnd he won't cheat, wouldn't even take my offer to have an open marriage. We are kinky but he only wants me, yes that's what every woman wants isn't it? Sometimes though, would be nice to be the only one taking all the sexual attention. ", "answer": "Would you rather disappoint him or hate him?\n\nIf you want to stay with him in the long run, disappointing him is a better option.\n\nThink of it as kicking some of the hard feelings over to him to share the load. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "682pyr", "comment_id": "dgv6dpc"}, {"question": "A mental health worker feeling depressed", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Your mental health struggles will make you a better counselor/social worker. You can look people in the eye and say \u201cI believe you and I know how hard this is... let\u2019s work together.\u201d\n\nSource: Licensed Professional Counselor with her own list of diagnoses and meds!", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "d6grj3", "comment_id": "f0udswe"}, {"question": "My[43M] Mom wont let me[17M] take naps after school. Yes, its worse than it sounds.", "description": "I know this sounds like an extremely petty and unimportant problem compared to everyone else, but its become a sore spot between me and my mom. I am a junior taking honors and AP courses, and am incredibly tired after I come home from school and do all of my homework. Generally, when after I finish my hw there is a 30-45 minute window before dinnertime when I try to take a quick nap to recharge my batteries. Every time I have tried to discuss this she says that they make me \"stay up all night\" and that theirs no reason for me to be napping. While its true that by her standards, I do stay up later if I take a nap (as a junior in high school I still have to go to bed at 9 on school nights and cant have my phone, which is another argument for another time). I know a small nap sounds relatively unimportant, but its gotten to a point where I would get grounded for trying to sneak naps in different parts of the house, I always get 8 hours of sleep a night no matter what, so how can I help end this fight and try to convince her to let me grow up a little?", "answer": "she is way off base here. lock yourself in the bathroom and nap!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67s2g0", "comment_id": "dgstq50"}, {"question": "What are some tools and strategies to approach the difficult question of marriage.", "description": "What are some ways to approach the difficult question of marriage? \n\nI've been together with my gf for many years, and now we are at a point where we face a nasty breakup or marriage. \n- we both don't want and don't plan to have kids\n- she gets a lot of society pressure; which she admits to, but for her it's the reality \n\nWe live in Shanghai, I'm moving to Taiwan for a project for about a year (2 hours away flight) and she wants a decision on this. We've been together for many years and she is looking for stability, I admit I think she is ready for marriage. I don't feel it, maybe I'm just intimidated about not having sex with other people ever again. We travel very well together, and it has for sure and by far been my best relationship. Yet, I'm still not sure. \n\nWhat are some tools for me to approach this question where I'm constantly going back and forth and I am just completely indecisive.", "answer": "if you're not ready for marriage after this long, when will you be??? you have to ask yourself if you're leading on...... you seem unable to commit which isn't fair to her.  and she has to decide whether to search elsewhere for commitment. seeing a therapist would help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kdm1v", "comment_id": "dbn7tpv"}, {"question": "Inner eye inflammation (99% Sure not a stye)", "description": "The past two days my [the inner corner of the eye (the skin surrounding the eye, not the the eye itself)](http://imgur.com/a/Ctgh5) is mildly inflamed, and is very sore/painful to the touch, and hurt a snap amount when blinking. It's very slightly red and a decent amount larger than the inner corner of my other eye. I'm pretty sure its just an infection, but I don't know if I should do anything outside of washing it twice daily and waiting. Thanks.\n\nEdit: was a stye", "answer": "Why are you sure it's not a stye? Discharge or what? \n\nStyes sometimes swell up and don't ever come to a head", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6kd7iq", "comment_id": "djlaa2l"}, {"question": "DAE get hurt by knowing their partner watches porn?", "description": "I know I'm overly sensitive about this stuff due to being cheated on and feeling used etc. But just wondering if I'm the only one, I find it especially more hurtful when I saw my boyfriend just watching women alone, I can try my best to rationalise and understand people watch it for the act, but it hurts to think he may watch to seek a better body etc.", "answer": "Same. I can\u2019t say anything to help really. My partner is addicted and it\u2019s so incredibly painful", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "cc3357", "comment_id": "etkolht"}, {"question": "Ending it all on Sunday", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "To quote someone brilliant: \u201cI absolutely understand as I\u2019m on the verge of doing that but please do not do this. I know that whatever I say won\u2019t make you feel better in any way but fuck, please don\u2019t do this. I\u2019m here if you need to talk.\u201d\n\nI mean it, too.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ah3aul", "comment_id": "eebf7bn"}, {"question": "Is there an equivalent to AA-meetings for suicidal people?", "description": "I know about the suicide hotline.   But is there something equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous for people dealing with suicidal thoughts (in the US)?  Thanks and be well.", "answer": "There are sometimes support groups in your local area for umbrella subjects, like \"depression\" or \"anxiety\" or even just \"life skills.\" That may be something more along the lines of what you are looking for.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dd36b3", "comment_id": "f2eri91"}, {"question": "I [16-M] got in a relationship with the girl [16-F] my best friend likes [16-M],now he hates me and might kill himself.", "description": "Here's a bit of backstory:I've been friends with this guy (let's call him Tom cause i dont want to say his real name) for over 4 years now,throughout junior high and now in senior high (we're 16.). Tom has,or at least pretends to,that's how I see it,mental issues. He claims to have bipolar depression and wants to go to a psychologist,is bisexual,though I haven't noticed anything erotic between him and other guys,listens to edgy stuff like lil peep,has a fuck life attitude and wants to suicide,which I've gotten tired of trying to prevent to be honest.Now that we're in senior high,there's that girl (let's call her Alice) that he's gained interest in recently,mainly because she talks to him a lot and jokes around with him.On Friday (it's Sunday as I'm writing this),he asked me if I wanted to go out,but I couldn't,and he said \"Fine,I'll go ask Alice out\". I didn't think he said that as in he wanted to date her,and I thought OK,fair enough.On Saturday,I go out with Alice and we go see Alien and all that jazz,just the 2 of us,so sort of a date.Then,when I'm home,she messages me at around midnight. We talk a bit and I confess that I like her and she likes me too (yay).Today, I add a bit of info on my Steam profile (relationship: taken). Tom messages me and he's like \"oh wtf who is she\". He finds out and he goes nuts,I called him but he was just screaming in my ear,I told him that I'm sorry and that I didn't know but he didn't listen,tells me not to talk to him at school and that \"we are done\",then proceeds to block me on all social media.What do I do to calm him down,and mainly not getting him killed,though to be quite honest I'm tired of talking him out of suicide so many times,to the point where I believe he does it deliberately (don't know why). Please note that I'm leaving town in around 2 months so my relationship with Alice won't be long lived either way.\n\n\nTL:DR I dated the girl my somewhat psychotic suicidal best friend likes when he wanted to and got into a relationship with her,now friend blocked me on everything,won't talk to me and might suicide cause of mental issues.What do I do to bring him back to normal (or as normal as he can be).Thank you in advance for your advice.", "answer": "call 911", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cforo", "comment_id": "dhue7hf"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin making anxiety a lot worse. Anyone else have similar experiences?", "description": "I've been taking Wellbutrin for about 5 weeks now (~2 of those overlapped with Effexor, which I was transitioning from), and I'm really concerned about what I've become. My anxiety got a lot worse, I never feel calm, my blood pressure has increased (nothing dangerous though), I get angered and irritated extremely easily, I've almost completely stopped talking to my family, and whatever motivation I previously had to do any kind of work has almost disappeared. Doc told me that things should improve in about 4-6 weeks from start, but the only change I've been noticing up to this point has been negative.\n\nI will be talking to my doc about this soon, so no need to tell me to do that. I'm mostly posting this to find out: has anyone's experience on Wellbutrin been similar to mine? What did you end up doing?\n\nEDIT: Grammar", "answer": "My psychiatrist told me that wellbutrin can worsen anxiety since it is activating/energizing. I used xanax as needed for my anxiety, but my anxiety is a lot lower than many people's and is largely a result of my depression (so, if the depression is managed the anxiety is managed). She told me that if the anxiety remained we could try an SSRI like zoloft to add to the wellbutrin which would help manage the anxiety while keeping the positive aspects of the wellbutrin. I did find that the side effects from wellbutrin were bad for a month or two, so you might try seeing where you're at after about 2 months on wellbutrin so you tweak your RXs (whether getting off wellbutrin or adding something else) after the effects of the wellbutrin have stabilized. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "4wlyqt", "comment_id": "d685fxr"}, {"question": "How do I take conversations deeper?", "description": "Does anyone have any tips on how I can take conversations deeper? This is what I have at the moment.\n\n* Ask why. \"Why did you decide to become a teacher?\" \"Why'd you get into dancing?\" - sometimes this will get a good answer, but often they'll just shrug.\n* Find an area where they (or you) are passionate and highly knowledgable", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) has all the info you need :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11csgt", "comment_id": "c6ljqkr"}, {"question": "Does anyone reccomend A.A", "description": "I feel as if it may trigger me more than help.", "answer": "If you live in a place where there are a number of meetings to choose from, try going to 6 different groups to find the one you like the best. Not all meetings are the same. Some have larger crowds, some smaller and more intimate. Usually, a group will reflect the demographics of the neighborhood. Attend a meeting near the university or on campus you\u2019re going to see more young people. It can be helpful to attend a meeting where you encounter people somewhat similar to yourself. Meeting someone like yourself who\u2019s made significant progress can be encouraging.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dwlejp", "comment_id": "f7ksb74"}, {"question": "Was it unethical for my therapist to treat my family members as well?", "description": "Did some light research and it seems like it's a gray area whether a therapist should treat multiple members from the same family, because it can be difficult to remain objective. I personally liked the idea of my therapist seeing the bigger picture to my family dynamics by seeing my sister and mom as well (she no longer sees my sister at all, and my mom only very rarely). I have never felt like my therapist has crossed a boundary otherwise.", "answer": "Treating multiple family members is not inherently unethical,  and CAN be done well. There are therapists who are well trained in this and do a good job. It sounds like your therapist fits in this category.\n\n However , Treating multiple people in a family is a slippery slope , and can potentially open the door to a host of ethical and clinical concerns.  There was a post here (or in a similar sub) recently,  in which a woman described concerns with a therapist who was treating both her and her husband.  This became a problem because both husband and wife felt they were getting conflicting and confusing feedback.\n\nI'm really glad you had a good experience with your therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h9jmgl", "comment_id": "fux1gje"}, {"question": "Depression or ADHD symptoms? Bored of job or life??? Permanently dissatisfied???!", "description": "TL;DR: my life is good, why am I depressed, what things help you guys?\n\nI successfully graduated college about a year ago in mechanical engineering. It was so hard and I poured all my energy into it. Now I am working at a good company and doing well. I live with my great fianc\u00e9 and an adorable dog. Our jobs are secure. We are planning a wedding. Live in a cool city with nice apartment. \n\nWhy the f*ck do I not have the energy to get out bed in the morning. Everything feels so much harder. My whole life Ive had depressive episodes. But not like this? \n\nI stopped taking birth control to help, (it did some). I got a therapist for ADHD and have been seeing her for months now. I am also working with my prescribing doctor to try Concerta instead of adderall. \n\nI feel so mentally bored and unstimulated. Is this just what adulthood is? My brain feels like it\u2019s turning to mush. I am trying so hard. Does anyone have any advice on things they\u2019ve done to break out of slumps? Or how to find satisfaction in adulthood? \n\nTo me, the way I\u2019m feeling is a sign that I need to change something in my external environment. I\u2019m not exactly sad, just feel empty and numb and bored and hopeless. Sometimes I feel like I\u2019m only happy when I\u2019m so stressed I don\u2019t have time to think about it. I have no motivation to do even things I think I want to do, much less bare necessities. And I\u2019ve lost the confidence in myself that I can change or do better. Usually it comes back eventually. \n\nThis is a problem to solve, what are some things that have helped you bounce back? I am looking for inspiration and ideas and to just not feel alone. \n\n (Side note, this began way before the pandemic but it definitely doesn\u2019t help)", "answer": "Yep. I'm struggling with parenting atm. Some days I find my kid so interesting and awesome to be around and other days every minute feels like pulling teeth. Today is one of the teeth days :(", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "gk0nmm", "comment_id": "fqs7mnh"}, {"question": "General question, but how bad is a little tobacco here and there?", "description": "Required info: Age: 19; Height: 6\u20193\u201d; Weight: 205; Gender: Male\n\nQuick question about tobacco. I don\u2019t smoke cigarettes and I don\u2019t dip or anything. My only tobacco use is either a cigar on super special occasions, or in a moke or backwoods blunt, so with a little weed, and weed use is maybe 3-4 times a month, so this is half that. \n\nHow bad is that?", "answer": "I don't know of good studies on occasional smokers, but a rough estimate of risk would be taking the risks of a daily smoker and dividing it by the amount that you smoke. So it's not zero risk, but it's much lower risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8whiue", "comment_id": "e1vxnul"}, {"question": "A question about AA to the vets...?", "description": "Is The Program personalized from one person to the next? I've met some really cool laid back folks, and I've met some wrath-of-god fiery preacher types in the same room.\n\nThe basics are the same- Don't drink, go to meetings, get a home group, call your sponsor, read the big book, and work the steps.\n\nThe reason I'm asking is because the baptist preacher-type quite frankly freak me the fuck out, and I'm just trying to navigate the rooms .\n\nAdvice?", "answer": "Dr. George Vaillant was invited to be a non-alcoholic member of the AA board of trustees.  He was asked because of his expertise in the field of alcoholism treatment and his understanding of AA.  In AA's monthly magazine he was interviewed and he said that most people who recover do so without the help of AA.  I think this fact is an antidote to the big book thumpers who claim that AA is the only way to get sober.\n\nhttp://www.divisiononaddiction.org/html/reprints/vaillant.htm\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2flpvz", "comment_id": "ckafz0u"}, {"question": "What to expect from a first time \"Psychiatric Consult\" referral from my medical doctor? Already on meds and done CBT.", "description": "- Age: 30\n- Sex: Male\n- Height: 5'10\"\n- Weight: 252\n- Race: White\n- Duration of complaint: 4-5 years\n- Location (Geographic and on body): USA Midatlantic\n- Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Current medications (if any): Escitalopram - generic lexapro - (20 mg), Vyvanse (50 mg), and Zolpidem - generic ambien - (10 mg)\n\nHello,\n\nMy medical doctor wrote me a referral for a \"Psych Consult\" to a local psychiatric office and I was wondering what to expect/where it goes from here.\n\nThe details are as follows, but I can provide more if needed:\n\n- On SSRI, Vyvanse, and Zolpidem (Ambien)\n- Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Seen significant improvement, but still have low energy, low/no sex drive, sometimes feeling like \"nothing really matters\"/ no motivation, and some brief periods of sadness.\n- Already on medication, did CBT (10 weeks 4 years ago), and life is generally functional, but not great.\n- About 4 years ago, I gained 62 pounds (5'10\" and went from ~190 to 250) and started binge eating 2 or 3 days a week. The other 4-5 days I eat very healthy, but the binge days are bad. This never happened before until about 4 years ago.\n\nMain doctor wants me to go to the consult to just see what she says. No explicit goals or other instructions.\n\nI don't have the ability to leave work frequently for therapy or frequent visits and would prefer not to do that, but I don't want the Psych to think that I am against treatment, fishing for more meds, hostile, or whatever.\n\nSo, if I've already done CBT, am on meds, and in a stable, but not amazing situation, then what is the likely outcome or path forward I should expect from the psych or my main doctor?\n\nThanks", "answer": "It probably isn't a good idea to go see a doctor where you don't want anything and it's not clear what someone else wants either.\n\nThat said, it also sounds like things are better than they were but definitely not all fine. That's probably what your doctor is looking for\u2014some help getting things from kind of okay to really fine. A good psychiatrist may have thoughts about your remaining symptoms, possible medication side effects, and where to try to improve on things from here.\n\nPsychiatrists are also well aware that the time commitment for therapy is unworkable for many people even leaving aside problems of insurance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bqnfc", "comment_id": "dx95d1v"}, {"question": "Is he the one?", "description": "I met this guy last year. We bonded over a very similar backstory. We both developed feelings, but he's not able to make amends with his past. We tried, but he wasn't able to do so, and we are not together. But I've never met anyone like him. I know everyone says that, but he understands who I am completely, and I know him better than anyone in the world. Our chemistry is immaculate and quite the envy of my friends. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the love of my life, but I've been told that is silly and there's no way I could know that or that since he's not able to make amends with his past, it isn't \"meant to be.\" I'm uncertain as to what to do. ", "answer": "One would imagine that eventually he will make amends with his past, but it's hard to know how long that will take. So you have to decide what kind of friend you want to be with him, and also decide how patient you might want to be with his inner process. I'm not a big fan of the phrase \"meant to be\". I think the two of you simply have to define what your friendship is going to be moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qdwhn", "comment_id": "dcygacv"}, {"question": "Any ideas for my symptoms?", "description": "I am a 21 yom in healthy shape and I am not able to see my pcp for a couple weeks and I just wanted to get an opinion as to what I may be experiencing.\n\nSymptoms: Two weeks ago I had about a 20 minute period of my heart beating out of my chest with palpitations occurring every 2-3 minutes, this happened at midnight, but my heart rate was 65 bpm. I was anxious during the entire episode as well which I think made it worse. I would have very occasional palpitations before and went to a cardiologist 2 years ago and he ran tests and assured me my heart was fine. This episode freaked me out though and for the next two weeks I have had one or two random palpitations where I need to catch my breath after. Also have been having slight headaches regularly and would see stars out of nowhere. I woke up out of breath a couple days ago and have just not been feeling completely normal and just restless. During the day I have generally felt like I need to catch my breath even if I'm just sitting down. I also tend to overthink everything a lot and stress myself out and that makes these symptoms worse. When I am occupied or busy I tend not to notice symptoms. I am also on a low carb diet as of 4 months ago. No medications. \n\nI am a pharmacy student and have a big course load and in organizations which can cause me to be stressed regularly. I am hoping these symptoms are  just anxiety related and there isn't another underlying cause.  Any input would be appreciated!", "answer": "Not a doc, but went through similar. Heart damage typically doesn\u2019t pop up overnight so you should be ok. Likely anxiety", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "72webx", "comment_id": "dnlz47b"}, {"question": "Could this be schizophrenia or psychosis?", "description": "I've suffered from dissociation (depersonalisation / derealisation) and SEVERE intrusive thoughts for years now, 45 mg of mirtazapine + 225 mg of venlafaxine (effexor) doesn't help. I've even overdosed to 300 mg (and even as large as 375 mg if I remember correctly) instead of 225 mg despite not knowing whether I should or not as my doctor for some reason has stopped contacting me. She hasn't answered my emails or calls for months, for no reason. Although from day one I had a feeling she disliked me a lot. \n\nI also have delusional(?) thoughts about my friends and family abandoning me at some point. I am very anxious around them and I even have difficulty looking them in the eye and I might stutter while speaking to them, etc. This happens to me every day. It's good if I can hold one 5-minute conversation with them. It doesn't get any better, this has been going on since 2015, since 2014 with some. I feel like I need to say the right words or I feel like if I offend them they won't ever talk to me again. Every new day I meet them it's like they're complete strangers and I'm very anxious around them, afraid of them abandoning me. I also notice that at the most severe forms of this I lack empathy completely yet I still have these fearful thoughts of abandonment. Could this be some form of psychosis? Perhaps even schizophrenia? \n\nI really need help from someone. I believe I cannot go on like this for much longer.", "answer": "Doesn't sound like psychosis at all, more like severe anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6whnxg", "comment_id": "dma8m9f"}, {"question": "In 7 minutes I will be 30 days sober!", "description": "Thank you all for helping me achieve sobriety! I love you all. Iwdwyt", "answer": "Congratulations! \ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\n\nThat's a huge accomplishment. In therapist school we'd be told to normalize relapse at this point, but I'm actually just excited for you \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d9w4n0", "comment_id": "f1n1l5d"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin good for mild anxiety/slight depression? What else have you had luck with?", "description": "I have taken both Zoloft and celexa in the past. I thought Zoloft made me feel lethargic and groggy. Celexa was decent but I ended up discontinuing it because I thought I could handle my anxiety since I graduated college. I've been off celexa for about 10 months now and am going to talk to my doctor about starting one again. I was thinking about trying. wellbutrin. I am generally somewhat tired all the time the way it is and heard wellbutrin increases energy. Celexa gave me terrible dry mouth and made me put on a few extra pounds. Nothing crazy. Just 5 or so pounds. I've also heard wellbutrin is correlated to weight loss.\nAny input is much appreciated", "answer": "I have never been on an antidepressant before Wellbutrin, and I'm currently on week three, as of today actually. Since I'm so unfamiliar with antidepressants its really hard to say how big the changes have been, but I am more in control of my negative thinking than I was before, which also reduced my anxiety a little bit. I still have relapses in my anxiety, but it feels like it occurs less. My girlfriend today said that \"I've noticed you've been more happy the past week or two.\"\n\nBut it had some side effects, as of now the only thing I have is constant dry mouth (so I get bad breath a lot), and occasional headaches. \n\nThere was like a week and a half where I had an excruciating headache almost every day, and sometimes they would last up to like 4-5 hours. Now I get an occasional mild headache, maybe once or twice in the past week. I used to clinch my jaw really hard as well, I'm noticing it less than I was before, but I still think I clinch my jaw because its occasionally sore. Maybe two or three days in, I had a really weird depersonalization trip which made me want to stop using it. I was playing a videogame, and then I just started staring at the TV without doing anything for what felt like 3-4 minutes, it felt like I had tunnel vision just staring at the colors on the TV, my mouth just started hanging open too. Luckily that only happened once, but it made me feel really loopy.\n\nThat's all I can really provide, I don't know how antidepressants normally feel. As far as the energy goes, I noticed I'm not nearly as tired during most of the day (from waking up to about 6pm), but I crash really hard in the evenings (10pm+). Its to the point where I can't sit and watch TV without dozing off.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2oj1s9", "comment_id": "cmoavzv"}, {"question": "Why do therapists participate in this thread?", "description": "After spending so much time at work it's surprising you do extra work for free. It's very kind but I'm just wondering why :)", "answer": "We\u2019re natural born helpers who do the work we do because of this. It\u2019s my passion and what I love to do so this is a way to help (within reason - I\u2019m not giving therapy via Reddit just answering questions or giving compassion and empathy). We have the experience and expertise to answer questions for folks who are wondering about going to therapy and what that\u2019s like. We also kind give people some support or resources they wouldn\u2019t have otherwise. Also I think having people who are in the business that can answer questions about \u201cis this normal for my T to do\u201d is important because it\u2019s a way to help protect vulnerable people who might be in a situation that is legally or ethically questionable or give support in \u201cyes this is normal and here\u2019s why\u201d etc.  \n\nIt\u2019s kind of like a artist who paints for their own enjoyment because it\u2019s their passion not just painting with the intent to make money. The only analogy I could think of atm so it\u2019s wobbly and I\u2019m sure can have holes punched through it but it\u2019s sort of accurate.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "egxrhx", "comment_id": "fcaww5w"}, {"question": "Behavior", "description": "Do you think there is an explanation for every human act or behavior if you peel back enough layers of the onion ? Or do you think there is still so much left to discover about the human psyche. ", "answer": "I don't think it's really an either/or question.  Yes... to both.  I think there's always an underlying reason whether it's biological, genetic, behavioral, personality, trauma, etc. but at the same time, we don't know all the answers to all the whys yet for certain specific things, so there's plenty more to discover.\n\n\n    ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a8z259", "comment_id": "ecnuxfa"}, {"question": "3 years ago I found this sub, today I'm 3 years sober!", "description": "I never imagined myself being able to say that 3 years ago. Back then not drinking for a couple days was a huge accomplishment for me. I don't visit this sub as often anymore but I drop in from time to time to read about everyone's journey. I just wanted to stop in and thank everyone in this sub for being amazing. I never would have had the courage to stop drinking or the resolve to stay sober without you all! Thanks!", "answer": "That is awesome!! Congrats to you!!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bjvozc", "comment_id": "emcayth"}, {"question": "Tip for those of you who hate waking up.", "description": "I'm the typical(After thinking about it I might not be typical. Let me know in the comments!) ADHD paitent with sleep issues. \n\n1. I stay up as long as I can because reading random Wikipedia pages and finding new \"hobbies\" sounds soo much more stimulating than sleeping even though I know that I already have to be awake in 6 hours.\n\n2. I wake up quite often but always want to go back to sleep. I can sleep all day and still be tired. (At least I think this is an issue the rest of you all have.)\n\n3. Even though my psychiatrist prescribed me trazadone/zzzquil/melatonin I don't take them because I don't want to go to sleep and if I do take them I will stay up past their half life and they won't work. (I'm pretty sure some of y'all deal with this aswell?)\n\nI like to wake up at the latest 10am so what I've been doing is keeping my meds and a bottle of water by my bedside. Setting an alarm for 7am and taking my meds at that time. Then I set one for 830. Usually if the 830 alarm doesn't wake me up I will already be awake and out of bed making my coffee.\n\nI have told my psychiatrist that I do this and he has never had any complaints. \n\nI can still sleep till noon even if I do this but I have to really really really be wanting sleep. I try and not do that though because using this method can make me a slight bit drowsy during the day.\n\nOverall I would prefer to be slightly drowsy than waste away 4 hours of my day resting but not ever feeling refreshed.", "answer": "I having been doing this with my Vyvanse for the past 8 years. It has been a lifesaver!  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "70xm5d", "comment_id": "dn6s3a5"}, {"question": "My (48 male) eldest daughter (23 female) revealed this morning that her husband (23 male) got my youngest daughter (20 female) pregnant and that she is divorcing him and ceasing contact with her sister", "description": "My apologies if I did this wrong. My nephew has shown me reddit before but I have never posted here on Relationship Advice before. I am 48 and so is my wife. We have two daughter's who are 23 and 20. My eldest daughter is married, my youngest daughter is not. My son-in-law is also 23. This morning my eldest daughter revealed that her husband has gotten my youngest daughter pregnant. She gave her husband divorce papers and says my younger daughter is dead to her and she will never see or speak to her again. My youngest daughter and son-in-law do not deny the allegations. The admit that it is all true and my eldest daughter is correct. My youngest daughter admits the affair was mutual even though my wife kept saying it must not have been. My eldest daughter left. My son-in-law went home because he thought she was there but he says she isn't and her clothes and things are gone. My youngest daughter lives with us and hasn't left her room since my eldest daughter left here. My wife has been crying all morning. I admit that I am not the most emotional or sensitive, my parents were good people but in my house no one showed any feelings. Since this morning I am feeling so many different emotions. We have other family members staying with us and coming over for dinner. I don't even know how to fathom dealing with this.\n\nMy tl;dr summary question is how can I deal with what happened and the fallout from my youngest daughter (who is 20) getting pregnant my my eldest daughter's husband (they are both 23) and my eldest daughter filing for divorce and saying my youngest daughter is dead to her?", "answer": "this will not be an easy process. just have to process slowly and maybe even get family therapy if you get stuck.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kabum", "comment_id": "dbmu42a"}, {"question": "\"Living well is the best revenge.\"", "description": "God, I hate this line. Because it will never happen for me, at this rate. My list of 'people who've wronged me' is a long one. At the height of each (real or imagined) offense, I always swear (in my head)  that I'll *show them one day*, always imagine running into them at some point in the future -- when I'm successful, stable and happy.\n\nBut I've done nothing with my life, and have no one (I'm married to a neurotypical, so feel lonely where it counts). If I saw anyone on my list, I'd painstakingly avoid being seen by them because there's not a single one of them I have proven wrong. As it turns out, I *am* a loser, and deserve all the bad things they've done/said.", "answer": "You got it backwards. The line is also missing a crucial word.  It's not Living well is the best revenge, it's living well for yourself is the best revenge. When you start living for you, and only you, and not to show those who wronged you that they are wrong, then you will be able to find happiness. You have to learn to let go of those grudges. If you keep holding onto poison it will make everything you touch die. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8vl5uu", "comment_id": "e1ob6ru"}, {"question": "Can I take a melatonin to help with lack of sleep caused by Effexor?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Taking melatonin is fine.\n\nIs this Effexor XR or plain Effexor? If the former, you should probably take it in the morning to avoid messing up sleep.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9jnek", "comment_id": "firznmj"}, {"question": "How do therapists repair relationships?", "description": "Let's say a wife and husband are having a difficult relationship and have many disagreements but choose to see a therapist to try to fix the relationship \n\nAt a high level, how would a therapist go about repairing that relationship?\n\nWould a therapist help the two see their commonalities/similarities and the strengthens in each other?\n\nAs a therapist, I would ask questions like why did you two fall in love, etc to invoke those strong memories", "answer": "This completely depends on the problem they are having . There is no one solution.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g2sslj", "comment_id": "fnnjm0s"}, {"question": "I want to love and be loved", "description": "I wish I could find my person already. \n\nI\u2019m surrounded by people but I\u2019m lonely. I\u2019m good on my own but fuck, some days when you crash, and there\u2019s no one to turn to....I want that one person I can come home to that can hold me or that I can pour my heart out to. \n\nWhy does it take so long to find that person. I thought I found that person and then it all went to shit and I went back to being on my own. \n\nI just want to be held. And loved. And understood. And comfortable enough to just fall apart in my entirety in front of them and know they\u2019ll be there while I put myself back together, when I\u2019m whole, or when I\u2019m in shambles.  \n\nTo that person \u2014 where the FUCK are you and why are you taking so long to get here? \n\nTo the person I thought was that person \u2014 fuck you because now where there was once ignorance and bliss, there is an empty hole craving to be filled with someone else\u2019s nurturing no matter how complete I am without someone else. \n\nI am a huge advocate of self growth before relationships but shit. I can have all my shit together and I\u2019m always going to feel this way. I\u2019ve daydreamed about true love my whole life, it\u2019s just who I am. I don\u2019t need it but God, do I fucking want it so badly.", "answer": "I feel this deeply. I keep trying to take risks and push myself out of my comfort zone to meet other people. I\u2019m happy on my own, but I also long for partnership and to build a life with someone. I\u2019m working on my own goals and feeling great about that, but I still get lonely.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bw5qfs", "comment_id": "epvnkbw"}, {"question": "I [44/M] no longer \"care\" about my wife [40/F] and I don't know how long we should keep trying.", "description": "Throw away here \u2013 \nI\u2019m going to try and make a super long story short.  Married for 12 years, dated for 6 weeks before marriage, have twin 9 year old kids. Both of us had emotionally scaring childhoods, although very different. My wife has horribly sexually abused for years by a family member from about 8 -12.  I had emotionally/completely uninvolved parents and never learned how to deal with my emotions/situations/people. \n\nWe were a perfect match at first because she had a ton of emotional pain to give, and I took it all because I myself had been hiding mine for years and didn\u2019t share anything. We went through a lot of emotionally traumatic things (some of which might seem petty, but they weren\u2019t to her so they weren\u2019t to me and I took all the pain she had).  Her childhood, she steals now because of it, eating disorders, hair loss, difficulty with childbirth (IVF eventually), on and on.  Through all of it for years and years I didn\u2019t acknowledge myself, my wants, needs or desires and lived to only fill hers.  Eventually being the only emotional outlet she had (coupled with a subconscious desire to start living a life for me) made me break.  For a while I had been feeling emotionally drained, then dead towards her.  I snapped one day and told her I couldn\u2019t do it anymore and I was done.\n\nThat was 4 months ago.  Since the day I told her that we have been in couples therapy every week (we started on the day I told her), and a week later I got my own therapist that I have seen every week.  I understand a lot more about the dysfunction in our childhood and in our marriage now than before.  I also am becoming aware of my emotional needs (that I swallowed for 40 years).  My issue is I feel absolutely no different towards my wife.  We are doing everything to repair what was broke. Therapy, dating, trips alone, acts of service to each other, etc.  But nothing has changed for me.  I love her but don\u2019t care about her anymore (if that makes sense, I\u2019m afraid it sounds harsher than I mean).\n\nShe\u2019s a good person, and a great mother. She\u2019s smart, we are mostly on raising the children, politics, activities, etc.  She\u2019s still incredibly attractive.  We enjoy each others company, and for the most part have a good sex life (still).  But the feelings for her are not coming back in anyway.  The last out of town trip we had (which we both enjoyed) I pictured her there with someone else.  And I didn\u2019t care.  Then I pictured myself with someone else and I felt no better or worse.  My wife is completely exchangeable in that regard.\n\nSo my dilemma is how long do we keep at this?  How long do I make her keep working toward us when I\u2019m not changing.  And on top of that should I just accept what I have and move on.  We do work incredibly well together and neither of us have major complaints about the other.  I feel like I\u2019m in a no win.  I either choose myself and have a chance to finally find who I am, things I like, and find real true happiness but in the process of that leave my wife, break up my family, and subject my kids to a broken home. Or I stay in this relationship keep doing the \u201cright\u201d thing and find peace in knowing a lot of people have it worse than me and my kids will have a steady two parent home.  (As a side note, if I didn\u2019t have my kids who are amazing and mean everything to me I probably would have already left my wife)\n\nTLDR; My wife and I have a good relationship but incredibly complex broken childhoods behind them and our early trauma has led me a breaking point, and even though we are working on things together I don\u2019t care about her anymore.\n", "answer": "there's a difference between the pilot light being off, or flickering. if it's the latter, go to marriage counseling. if it's been off for a long time, you probably won't get the feelings back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67whao", "comment_id": "dgtrs4w"}, {"question": "I feel as if Doctors are not taking my symptoms seriously and won't test me to rule out an illness. What do you think?", "description": "Hello, I am 22 and a male. I have been having these issues for 6 days now and they only feel like they're getting worse. I have went to the hospital where the doctor had dismissed my claims and said there's no medical reason for me being unwell. I am very stressed and afraid because if it's a misdiagnose there's a chance I can die or be left with permanent brain damage. \n\nI have recently been stressed due to work and lifestyle and have recently had a recurrence of cold sore on my lip which I rarely ever get. I am normally quite resilient to most illnesses and wouldn't make big issues over most of the stuff I go through.  I have recently been feeling very unwell though. I have bad headaches and my eyes are really sensitive to light. I can't read things from a distance that I used to be able to read before 6 days ago. I feel very ill as well like vomiting and have had bad stomach aches and diarrhea.\n\nI find myself speaking differently as well in that I've begin to stammer when I never before but maybe this is a mental thing. I also feel very weak in that it can be hard for me to use leg muscles to climb stairs. When I look at everything it all seems surreal as well like I can't focus. I had also touched my coldsore before I realised it was a coldsore and rubbed my eyes and nose repeatedly. \n\nI thought I was fatigued but even after resting and taking it easy I still feel nauseous and my eyes are sensitive to light. I looked online and found out about viral encephalitis and feel as if most of the symptoms fit except for sever fever. I get shivers and very hot randomly sometimes independant on the whether or what I'm wearing and I haven't passed out or went into a coma yet.  I went into the hospital and asked them to please check for it and give me a blood test or MRI or CT scan or anything to rule it out. I don't want this to be treated after I've slipped into a coma or after I've suffered irreparable brain damage. \n\nDo you think the doctor was right and there's nothing wrong and maybe it is fatigue (I thought it could be fatigue intially) ? or do you think I should get checked and there might be something wrong? \n\nThanks.\n\nEdit 1: Have not taken any DNP or other crap that's in my history. Was curious about them. Also I said 6 days but the severe headaches and stuff began yesterday though I've had the cold sore for 6. \n\nEdit 2: Another thing I forgot to mention is that it feels as if my bowels/(asshole?) is being tickled with a feather or something is crawling inside them. It also feels like my brain is being tickled as well or ants are crawling on them. \n\nUPDATE: Went to my GP and he told me also doesn't think it's encephalitis at my current condition. He gave me a form and said if it doesn't get better by Tuesday then come in for a CRP, FBC, LBO and UE. He said if I start feeling worse and actually start to vomit and headaches get worse then go to the hospital and give them the form. He also said that if I start to become disorientated to the stage I get confused where I am then also go. \n\nHe couldn't explain why I can't see as well though. As in my vision hasn't changed but at a distance I can longer make out words or letters and my brain feels sluggish at putting the words together to make a word. I'll see how it goes and see how I feel tomorrow. I'm actually intrigued to what it could be. They did suggest at the hospital for me to see the mental health team though. I don't know why as I'm not suicidal or anything. \n", "answer": "I doubt its encephalitis. A GP could do some bloods though should your symptoms persist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zorbr", "comment_id": "d6xjcre"}, {"question": "How do I say no to my defensive, overly sensitive boyfriend?", "description": "My relationship is very sexed up. We shove, slap, choke, push each other's faces against walls, and call one another some pretty blush-worthy names. \n\nDon't get me wrong. We're not constantly a pair of bunnies; however, if at least one us is hot and ready... the other will soon follow suit. It's go time. And this will normally go on for a few hours at a time. \n\nIf I have not made it clear enough, we have very rough sex. That's all fine and dandy, but my vag is not indestructible. Sometimes it hurts TOO MUCH because of the previous session and I just can't do it. I need the R&R. The problem is, my boyfriend will try to get things going between us and when I tell him I really can't at the moment, he'll proceed to be miffed at me. \n\nHe either:\n\na) Says something passive aggressive: \"You need to learn to keep up\"\n\nb) Tries anyway (only when I've persistently whined and complained about the pain will he stop)\n\nAfter that's all said and done, he's distant. His vocabulary dissolves into monosyllables, he won't touch me. He will completely ignore what has just gone down. I don't know, it's as if I'm stepping on his pride when my lustiness doesn't outweigh the raging pain in my lady region. \n\nWhat can I say to get him to understand how and why his behavior during these types of situations is not okay?\n", "answer": "It does sound as though he's being rather jerkish about this. \n\nPersonally, I'd take my power back and be very blunt and assertive with him. Granted,  if you do this he will likely blow up and try to get control of the situation back in his favor, assuming that if he gets upset enough you will back down. If you go this route, stand your ground at all costs.\n\nHe seems to have forgotten (or not care) that your body is YOURS. You do not need to continuously explain that it hurts, no means no. Period. If he becomes passive aggressive and says things like \"you need to learn to keep up\" tell him if that's how he feels, there's the door, because you are intimate with him by your choice alone. You are not property, and it really bothers me that youre being treated as such. He tries anyway after you tell him no? Absolutely unacceptable. He has no respect for you or your body. \n\nThe reason he becomes distant is because he didnt get what he wanted and is trying to \"punish\" you for it. I've been in a very similar situation,  which is why I probably seem so upset about this. Please understand my frustration is 100% towards how he treats you, and not towards you.\n\nIf he is the kind of person I'm imagining he is, this suggestion wont likely work but I will offer it anyway: before you guys get In a heated moment try discussing the issue with him. Before he tries to make a move, and before things get intimate.  Explain your concerns and be very direct about it. \"I've noticed you get frustrated with me when I dont want to have sex with you sometimes, and when I say it hurts and I dont want to, you either disregard what im saying or become passive aggressive followed by becoming incredibly distant. What are your thoughts on that?\" I'd also take this opportunity to explain to him your body is yours and you dont EVER have to be intimate with him if you dont want to. \n\nPlease PM me if you ever want to discuss this further. I sincerely want to help, and I've been in a relationship like this before. I understand the feeling of not knowing what to do - and how no matter what you do in this situation its \"wrong\" in his eyes. My heart goes out to youm", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2a0zf0", "comment_id": "ciqgrlv"}, {"question": "I'm a fatfuck who regained the weight I spent months losing, AKA, I'm a fucking dumbshit.", "description": "God motherfucking dammit!  I did it again!  I threw away months of exercise and eating right for months of being a gluttonous slob.  I broke the hard-earned good habits I busted my fat, buttery, balls ingraining into my life and went back to my shitty old ones.  And it's not the first time.\n\nFor fucking years I've kept failing.  Living a healthy life style and getting slimmer and fitter, for weeks, sometimes months at a time.  And then fucking it all to hell and giving up like a fucking limped-dicked lazy asshole.  I know how to lose weight.  Ignorance isn't the problem I'm not some clueless fatty who blames his metabolism or nature.  I know what I'm throwing away when I relapse and reach for those donuts and fries.  \n\nBut I'm somehow stupid enough to tell myself that I'll get back on track before I regain the flab and lose the muscle mass, or that I never cared about my fitness in the first place, because no matter how much better I look and how much more human I feel, I'm dumb enough to start looking back at my laziness and careless eating with nostalgia.  \n\nYet again, I clawed my way out of the pit, and yet again my bad habits drug me back in like a boulder chained to my cankles.  I'm not sure it's worth trying again.  I've failed time after time, why the fuck would the next time being any different?  Why the ever-loving fuck!?!  I can't trust myself, and I'm the only one who can change this.", "answer": "Using my alt because I'm pretty ashamed to be in the same spot you are, struggling with weight long-term.  But I did want to reach out a friendly hand.  \n  \nAfter relapsing I read a really interesting book (unfortunately the title escapes me of course) whose author interviewed several people with different diet methods and weight issues.   \n  \nSomething that stuck out to me was the \"obsession\" with food that some of the dieters had.  Not like an engrossing weird obsession, but that it was never far from their thoughts.   I don't know if this relates to you, but the author did a series of casual social experiments and talked about how food triggers something in some people which just makes it harder to be healthy.    \n  \n\nHe would do his interviews in a room with candy out or something, and halfway through he'd ask how the candy made the person feel.  Some people didn't even notice it or didn't care at all, while others couldn't help focusing in.  One woman admitted that it was extremely stressful just to have food in the room.  (this woman worked out every day excessively to keep from gaining weight as she found it hard to control her eating)  They talked about habits like cleaning plates or \"getting your money's worth\" in terms of eating and how this related to a later preoccupation with food.   \n  \n  \nI know for me at least it was partially upbringing.  I had \"clean your plate\" parents, and my dad has the \"food obsession\" problem.  If we're out to eat, he'll never leave anything on his plate and will take whatever other people don't eat.  If there is candy in the living room bowl, he'll eat 5 pieces while watching TV regardless of not really liking it.  He can't just not eat it.  After reading that book and dropping some weight, I started to notice how he would actually become anxious if I insisted that I wanted to take my food home, and that he needed to leave it alone.   \n  \n  I notice these same poisonous habits in myself now.  Initially after moving out I dropped a lot of weight by obsessing about food in a positive way (health and nutrition) but as soon as I stop dieting the preoccupation leads me into unhealthy habits.  My \"naturally skinny\" friends don't have this problem.  They can forget to eat until their stomach growls.  And then, if it's late and they're tired, they don't think it's worth it to make food anyway.  This never happens to me.  It's ALWAYS worth the effort to make or buy food.  I never \"forget\" to eat.   \n  \nThere are some things I simply have to do nonstop to keep from regaining weight.  Before I started doing these, my whole life revolved around maintaining weight or dieting, otherwise I was gaining.  I don't know if this will help you, but it's helped me to reach a maintenance where I'm not constantly struggling and bouncing up and down.  I find it easier to upkeep with these basic rules than to try to go 100% all the time.  \n  \n1. Pasta and bread don't enter the house.  It's easiest to control myself at the supermarket, but once they are in the house I WILL eat them.  So they just don't enter.  Try striking your worst offenders from the grocery list (and don't kid yourself that this time you won't eat it all).  \n  \n2. I don't buy pre-made food.  No drive-through McD, no enchiladas from the supermarket.  I do struggle on this one, but keeping microwavable veggies and lots of fruit at home helps.  I keep diet coke in the car to distract myself.    \n  \n3. I never suggest going out to eat.  If my friends suggest it, that's fine.  But I'm not the one who suggests it.  I will never say \"let's get food\" or complain that I'm hungry until someone else does.  (a good amount of shame about your weight helps with this one, unfortunately)   \n  \nThat's it.  Sticking to those allows me to maintain without making my whole freaking life revolve around it.  It may sound pathetic to need to keep coke in the car to keep yourself from getting McD, but it's more pathetic to regain weight for the 3rd time.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1modpa", "comment_id": "ccbajuv"}, {"question": "Today the pharmacist sold me a genetic test so I can better tell what ADHD drugs will help me?!", "description": "Picked my drugs up at the local Rite Aid and the pharmacist pitched me on this \"Harmonyx diagnostics\" genetic test because she saw that I have ADHD. Pretty much, this private lab looks for certain genes (I'm guessing DRD4 variant etc?) and ranks the various ADHD drugs from Red (last resort) to Yellow (try second) to Green (try first) relative to your genetic make up. Sounds a little hokey, but I've been a psychiatric patient for most of my young adult life and have bounced between drugs for years now...I'll take the results with a grain of salt, of course. I'm guessing that I don't have the DRD4 variant because I'm ADHD PI and get really anxious on stimulants. Hm. ", "answer": "I know nothing about the company you referenced but I do know that tests like that are available. I work at a mental health clinic and our lab does that sometimes for clients when the psychiatrist orders it. Like you said, I think they order medications from most to least effective given your results. \n\nI've never done it myself but I've had multiple clients swear by it. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2s0bvp", "comment_id": "cnm8v0c"}, {"question": "I thought I was in a great relationship, turns out I mean so little to her...", "description": "TL;DR Thought things were going great with this girl, she doesn't want a relationship, won't talk to me in person, and now I'm really depressed.\n\nIf interested, here's some backstory https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/3riuwp/my_24f_girlfriend_is_mad_at_me_and_i_m26_dont/\n\nWell, it turns out that she is not ready to have a committed relationship and that she never considered me her boyfriend or had plans to (we technically were unofficial, but there have been mentions of boyfriend/girlfriend informally) She then brings up one night a month ago where I jokingly and drunkingly told her friend I was going to marry her someday. This confuses me because 1. That was so long ago and 2. I was drunk and in no way shape or form kneeling down on one knee with a ring. She won\u2019t talk to me in person and I feel like I mean so little to her.\n\nNow, I\u2019m just depressed. I\u2019ll have nights where I cry and moments where I yearn for her again, but overall I just feel empty inside. I feel like I have no motivation to do anything, my work has suffered, I barely sleep, and I think I\u2019m becoming an alcoholic (I\u2019m incredibly hungover at work right now, I\u2019ve been drinking until late in the night all the time, and I\u2019m looking forward to it tonight) \n\nHonestly, I think some of the depression comes from the fact that I meant so little to her, rather than just losing her. I feel like the whole time I\u2019ve known her was a waste, and I could have used all the time, effort, and money on something more important. I told all my friends and family about her, and they were looking forward to meeting her. I thought we had something really special. Now I\u2019m going to be alone for the holidays (again) tell my friends and family that things with a girl I really liked and was dating didn\u2019t work out (again) and put on a fake smile when I see family members and friends during the holidays (again). I miss her, I miss having someone who wants me, I miss having to not worry about anything, I miss not having to pretend I\u2019m okay when I\u2019m really not. Sorry for the rant, I just really need feel better.", "answer": "I don't know if this will help, but she sounds terrible. Maybe she's not a terrible person, but she was terrible to you. Don't mourn too much for someone or something that doesn't exist - you should find someone you treats you well.\n\nI feel you on the holidays bit, that's the worst time in the world to be single. Yet, so many breakups occur right before. Surround yourself with understanding people!", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "3skgne", "comment_id": "cwy30va"}, {"question": "Could something have happened to my heart valves? Tight chest then a \"pop\" \"in the heart\"", "description": "Hello,\n\n40 year-old female, 5'8\", 130lbs, mixed race.\n\nI've been extra stressed out lately and am afraid of going to sleep. Anxiety's been quite bad, and I get nauseous often and dizzy sometimes. Usually the left side of my chest gets quite tight, especially when I go to bed. \n\nA couple of nights ago my chest was quite tight, and when I lay on my left side it felt like something kinda \"popped\" in my heart. It wasn't painful at all. Then the tightness was gone and my chest hasn't really been tight since. I kept thinking that it felt like a valve popped or something, but that's probably just the feeling and not reality, right?\n\nI still get a little bit of chest pain, but now it feels like it's in the muscles around the heart area as opposed to the heart area itself (I know our hearts don't hurt, but that's the best way to describe it). But the tightness is rather mild now in comparison to what I normally feel, and it kinda feel like my heartbeat's a little \"watery\" (don't know how else to say this).\n\nIt's always best to go to the doctor, but I probably can't for a few more days, so if you have any comments I'd really appreciate it.\n\nThank you in advance!", "answer": "Are you in treatment for the anxiety?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jq6gy4", "comment_id": "gbkoifg"}, {"question": "Paying for a Therapist...", "description": "I'm 21 years old, at kind of stuck with my job that doesn't offer insurance...none whatsoever. I live on meets end every month, so I can't save money at all. Every month I have maybe $50 to spare and usually it goes towards something in the end anyway. \n\nI need some kind of professional help...talking to friends no longer works like it used to, and coping with my stress just doesn't do it anymore...What can I do about seeing professional help? ", "answer": "If there is a local university- you may see if they have a training clinic. Graduate students training to be therapists ( supervised by licensed therapists) conduct therapy at a low fee or even free.\n\nMay look online to see if there is local community mental health agencies. Some offer free or heavily discounted therapy to low income/uninsured people.\n\nIf all else fails- consider talking to a therapist and explaining your situation. Some will we willing to lower their rates or even do ProBono. \n\nAnd if there are local support groups- you can attend those. These offer some support and some members may be able to offer you local advice.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1ejzt7", "comment_id": "ca0zyi4"}, {"question": "Will cheaters always be cheaters ?", "description": "My boyfriend ( 18 M ) and I ( 21 F ) have been dating for 4 years. I recently found out he (18 M ) cheated on me ( 21 F ) he (18M) cried when I confronted him. We broke up for one week because he came back crying. Will cheaters always be cheaters or do people change ? ", "answer": "not 100%", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71prjl", "comment_id": "dncoiqa"}, {"question": "I'm writing a book about me", "description": "I wanted to write a book a long time ago and this idea came to me just a few days ago\nBasically it's about all my problems I had growing up, the bullies, the family fights, and how i ended going to therapy. Fixed my relationship with my family and got to college where I'm facing new problems.\nI kinda want this to be a history of how a kid of 12 yo started facing all this problems and overcome them to be a better person.\n\nI want to know if anyone of you will be interested in reading a book like this.\nOr should I keep it to myself, maybe I should write about something else?\nI really appreciate your opinions.", "answer": "Go ahead and write it! Don't worry about if it'll be successful or not. I think it will be a great way to understand yourself and your journey in life and at the end of it, you'll have *written a book*, which is far more than most people can say. \n\nI think it's great to take your unique experiences in life and create something lasting and meaningful out of it.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "gmtjz7", "comment_id": "fr5rb54"}, {"question": "Is it possible for me to ask my therapist to modify their approach?", "description": "For context, I returned to seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. We've had 2 sessions, and both have felt extremely uncomfortable. I'm aware that the first sessions aren't particularly the best; in the past 4 years, I've had 2 other therapists. My last therapist was lovely--we parted ways because she moved and I didn't feel I needed more sessions--and I feel like I made a lot of progress with how conversational/interactive and affirming she was. My new therapist is much older and has a different background, and does a sort of sit in silence for a long time and mirror how I'm sitting in hopes that I'll say something. I'd love to ask for more structured sessions if possible, because without the feedback and interaction I feel like I haven't been able to really limit the distress from the initial question she asked and its leaking heavily into my life outside of therapy.   \n\n\nTLDR: Am I allowed to ask for a different approach in sessions? I'm hesitant to find another therapist as it took me almost three weeks to find someone with the same availability and insurance as me, and even then she was the only one I could find.", "answer": "Absolutely 100% appropriate, and if she isn\u2019t able to receive your request without ego and at least attempt to accommodate, I would look elsewhere. During my initial session with new clients, I explicitly encourage feedback and make it clear that my job/goal is to provide support in ways that are most helpful to the client. It isn\u2019t at all about me or my preferences. Therapists train in multiple treatment modalities because people have varying needs, preferences, learning styles etc. \nIt\u2019s also totally fine to terminate with her and find someone else if it feels like you aren\u2019t \u201cclicking\u201d and building some rapport after a few sessions. I know that I\u2019m not going to be the right fit for everyone, and I would much rather a client get their needs met elsewhere than stay with me because they\u2019re worried about hurting my feelings, while not making progress toward their goals. Any therapist with basic ethical standards and skills should have a similar perspective. \n\nGood luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4xc9e", "comment_id": "es6zbng"}, {"question": "Do you think I have Tourette's?", "description": "This might not be the right place for this, and if so, sorry!\n\nSo, first off, I am fifteen, a few months away from sixteen, around 5' 10\", around 135 lbs, male, and American. I have Axen-Feld Reigers syndrome (sp?), consisting of hydrocephalus, glaucoma, and mitral valve prolapse. I take Losartan, along with a shit ton of eye drops.\n\nSo, for at least the last two or so years, I've noticed something about when I talk sometimes. I'll be speaking perfectly clearly, but I'll get randomly stuck on a word, like this.\n\n\"So, when are we go- So when are we go- So when are we going to the store?\"\n\nThere's no warning on when it'll happen, and when it happens, I can't break the loop unless I really concentrate and speak really slowly, practically sounding out each word.This can happen at any time, usually several times a day. And, when that happens, I can repeat myself anywhere from 2-5 times. When it gets to about five, I give up and say something like, \"Ugh, I wish I could talk right now,\" and then I try again, really *really* concentrating hard.\n\nNow, I know for sure it's not the swearing kind of Tourette's, but part of that is because my family is super strict about swearing, and I'm at a point where I don't even swear away, in school, because I'm afraid that I'll let something slip at home. Hell, I've never actually said anything worse than, \"Oh crap!\", and that was when I almost had a burning tree fall on me.\n\nAlso, I just looked up the symptoms, and something else kind of matches too. I often do repetitive movements for *very* long times, like Penn clicking, clapping, tapping my foot, and bouncing my knee. But, I'm not sure if this is actually related, or if I'm just over thinking it.\n\nSo, what do you all think? Is it Tourette's? Is it some kind of speech impediment? Is it nothing at all?", "answer": "That's a stammer, not tourettes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6lc4hg", "comment_id": "djsqoo6"}, {"question": "Ideas to hang out with a girl platonically?", "description": "I am trying to make more friends this semester as I spent my freshman year pretty isolated with high school buddies and close friends of my girlfriend. There's a girl in one of my classes who is really sweet and I think we would be good friends. She's in my girlfriend's sorority, but they barely know each other (which is part of the reason I want to get to know her better, because I am only friends with my girlfriends best friends and not others, I want to expand my social circle). What are some ideas to hang out plantonically? I don't want it to seem like I am asking her out because I am not, I just want to get to know her better as a person. all ideas appreciated", "answer": "If you don't want her to get the wrong idea about you wanting it to be platonic, hang out with her with either your girlfriend present and/or in larger groups of friends/event/party type atmosphere.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9khvx3", "comment_id": "e6z5wg0"}, {"question": "Doesn't my 89-yr-old mother need some vitamins for energy?", "description": "**\\[F\\]\\[109lbs and 5ft 3in\\]\\[89yrs old\\]\\[nonsmoker\\]** These are my mother's stats, I am asking a question about her. She has *stage 4 COPD* \\(since 12\\-16\\) and *heart failure* \\(1\\-14\\). She also has a pacemaker. However, she just got a very good report from her cardiologist \\(3\\-18\\). And she uses Brovana and Pulmicort in her nebulizer twice a day, and Albuterol about 2 or 3 times a day. She does take Warfarin, alternating 1 pill and then 2 pills with the days of the week. She takes medicine that I don't know the names for for her thyroid, blood pressure, and one called isosorbide \\(sp??\\) that I can't remember what it's for, I think it helps her pulmonary valves, and a baby asprin. I can't remember what else, but it's not much. She lives in the deep Southeastern U.S. In very early 2000, she had surgery to repai*r one leaking heart valve and replace an*other.\n\nShe takes naps during the day, and gets anywhere from 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night. But. The **problem is that she says she feels really bad some days, and just has no energy at all.** This has been going on for almost a year. Now with her conditions, I can see how that might be a problem sometimes.\n\nBut she says it happens a great deal of the time. She doesn't have the greatest diet \\-\\- can't eat a lot of vegetables because of the **vitamin K clashing with the Warfarin**. Don't you think some vitamins might make her feel a little better? Give her a little more energy? I know a multivitamin isn't a good idea \\-\\- it might have vitamin K or something else to work against the blood thinner.\n\nBut I would think **vitamin D and B complex \\-\\- or maybe B12 shots** \\-\\- would really help with the fatigue and lack of energy, while C would help keep her immune system boosted, but none of the doctors I've talked to pay any attention to me so far. What do you think? **Or do you have any other ideas to boost energy and help her to feel better?** She can't exercise, so that's out. I'm worried about her; I hate to see her feeling so down.\n\nI would *really, really appreciate* some helpful feedback on this.", "answer": "She is elderly and has serious chronic health issues. It's sad but not terribly surprising that she doesn't feel good.\n\nThe specifics are not my area of expertise, but unless she has vitamin deficiencies there's no evidence that vitamin supplements improve health or energy and some limited population evidence that they can be harmful (although that's looking in the general population, not specific older and sicker groups). Probably the best thing is what exercise she can tolerate\u2014but that might be almost zero. In which case, again, probably with speaking to her doctors about reducing symptoms and improving quality of life. A palliative specialist may be helpful. They're not just for end of life and might have something to contribute.\n\nCOPD and CHF are not easy conditions to manage or live with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b0f3q", "comment_id": "dx2yntw"}, {"question": "What is music therapy and does it work? How does one train for it?", "description": "I came across it and was wondering what it was exactly? Is there singing involved? Does the therapist play the piano or just use youtube? How are songs selected and how much is arbitrary?", "answer": "https://www.musictherapy.org/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gtgbeo", "comment_id": "fsbd0cc"}, {"question": "What do you wish people knew about ADHD?", "description": "TL;DR: what do you wish people knew about ADHD? Happy mental health awareness month!\n\nFor me, a couple things:\n*ADHD meds aren\u2019t more dangerous than any other psychoactive drugs and the stigma around is damaging.\n\n*Impulsivity and poor emotional regulation are part of the symptoms.\n\n*It sucks not to be diagnosed as a child, especially as a girl, they get misdiagnosed all the time with depression or mood disorders.", "answer": "This has fucked with my marriage and my chance of survival (suicide) far more than it has fucked with my academics.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmblvt", "comment_id": "emwy75t"}, {"question": "Today I watched Porn", "description": "So today I couldn\u2019t hold myself and watch porn for about 20 minutes but didn\u2019t fap. I don\u2019t feel that bad really. But now I don\u2019t know if to reset my counter!! \ud83d\ude28 can someone help me please?", "answer": "Personally, I think you should reset it. The question you have to answer is: What negative things about fapping make me want to quit it, and does porn contribute to those negative things too? \n\nAlso, go research the effects that watching porn has - it drops your relationship satisfaction down, your own bodily self-esteem down, etc..", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bpfu03", "comment_id": "ensms6y"}, {"question": "How do i know if i got bitten by a snake", "description": "Age: 21\n\nGender: Female\n\nCountry: Philippines\n\nOther Diagnosis: OCD,  taking lexapro\n\nI was walking in my backyard at night with my dog when a sudden thought occurred to me that what if i got bitten by a snack. I didnt feel intense pain or anything, just mosquito bites and the ants that were biting my feet. I was also walking with a flashlight to check what i am walking on but still the thoughts persist.\n\nIve been checking my feet and scratching them to see any bite marks but all that i do is making wounds on my feet myself.\n\nHow do u check if u have a snake bite, and should i go to the er even when i dont feel anything weird (just my anxiety) or have no puncture wounds at all?\n\nThis is not an emergency.  I am just drowning with a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts,  and just need to know about snake bites.", "answer": "Snake bites hurt. You would not miss it. There\u2019s no point in checking any more than you would check to see if someone stabbed you while you were out walking in a city.\n\nTherapy can help with intrusive thoughts and anxiety like that as well, but hopefully this is one particular worry you can be reassured against.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i1tzoi", "comment_id": "fzzul1n"}, {"question": "Is it okay to get lithium prescribed while being burned-out? (Adrenals)", "description": "Male, 27,  1m70, 76 kilograms.\nburn-out due pushing through depression and keep working/doing things.\n\nDiagnosed bipolar, when burn-out started. Have been struggling for years before diagnosis.\n\nIm one month on lithium now. (600mg). Mood is stabilised but Im very burned out. Recovery is very slow. They check my blood frequently.\n\nProblems with eyes and ears (overstimulation)\n\nTyping this is message is difficult. Sorry for not adding more info. I will also ask my doc but I want to hear second opinions please.", "answer": "I'm not sure exactly what you mean by burned out here, but it sounds like you are describing adrenal fatigue. That is not a real diagnosis; it comes from the pseudo-medical world, primarily naturopathy, and has no specific signs, symptoms, tests, or treatment.\n\nWhat you describe could very well be bipolar depression, and lithium is one of the first-line treatments. The dose you are on may be low, but it's something to track carefully, which is the reason for all of those tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c3ah3c", "comment_id": "erpv7q3"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I just usually deep dive on reddit. I read about my hobbies (cycling) watch YouTube videos and get ready for the morning. IWNDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "acov4m", "comment_id": "eda501r"}, {"question": "Has anyone used an online therapy service and if so, what was your experience like? How many times? How long?", "description": "I have a pretty comprehensive list of the startups doing this and have been curious about trying one of the sites that appears to be offering a high quality service, but I don't know if it's OK to post a bunch of websites here and I'd also rather just hear people's experiences. I'm considering one out of New York (state lines aren't an issue?) just because of how comprehensive their sign up/survey process is. I almost went through with it.\n\nThe only one I've used (if it even counts) is Liveperson's Experts. It was a while ago before all these startups were around. I'd seen therapists before for various reasons. The MFT seemed was nice and seemed qualified, but I couldn't get over that I was getting charged by the minute. It just felt so...unsettling to me to see the time counting and know how much I was paying per minute that I'd struggle to see it ever not be an issue for me. I also, for whatever reason, felt the need to record the whole session. I guess I'm a little obsessive about backing stuff up, but she wasn't aware I was doing it. Maybe it wasn't OK with their privacy policy?\n\nMost of the other, newer sites I've seen don't operate like this, but I'm still a little skeptical.", "answer": "I think it's still illegal in a lot of states to counsel someone outside the state. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1w6o8w", "comment_id": "cezcyeu"}, {"question": "Is she cheating? Am I overly worried or blinded by love?", "description": "So redittors, this is my first post on her. Heres the lowdown:\n\nWe've been married six years and seeing each other before that for eight. I've never had a reason to mistrust my wife and she has been extremely loyal and dedicated. \n\nI am currently working abroad (there is a time difference so I was getting up for work when all this went on) and the other night she went with her usual gang of mates... no one to suspect anything with there. So she gets in and missed skype calls me. Which is unusual, so i thought there might be a problem with the kids or something. So I ring back with no answer. A while goes by and I am worried in case she is in trouble.\n\nSo maybe the worst thing I've ever done I check find my iphone (its a shared account before you ask) to make sure she's not at hospital with the kids or something. The weird thing is at four o'clock in the morning her phone is now heading out of town along a main road. I watch it as it goes to a garage and then stops in a village.\n\nIts her new phone and I'm thinking that she's either had it stolen or left it in the taxi. So I ring the house phone and my daughter answers who says she's not there. This is now five in the morning. Now im mega concerned for her safety and generally what is going on. So I try ringing her and whatsapping her. To no response.\n\nI have to go and do some work so I keep an eye on it, but to be honest I was thinking of calling the police as i didn't know what had happened to her. \n\nThen at 0810 the phone starts moving again from that location, again follows roads at the right travel speeds and I follow it back to our house. Again I try ringing to see what was happening. I ring the house phone again and my daughter tells me my wife has just got in.\n\nMy wife then wont speak to me for most of the day, I speak to her best mate who says she dropped my wife off in a taxi at our house at three and has no idea what is going on.\n\nWhen I do speak to my wife she says she was at home, my daughter didn't see her as she had passed out in the ensuite and that she was up and about looking for her bank card that she lost as she was so drunk the night before and hadn't come home then.\n\nI've been away for Xmas and to be frank this has been shit. I've asked about it all but she just denies it and says nothing happened and she was at home the whole time. Not even an excuse like going to an after party. I also checked with apple to see if there can be such discrepancies and they have said no there can't be, which I pretty much thought, the way it was moving.\n\nI know looking from the outside it may seem pretty obvious what has happened, or am I jumping to conclusions? The facts show that her phone defo went to that location and stayed for three hours before returning home. And I think my daughter knows how my wife was dressed when she went out. Also if she was as drunk as she and her friends say she was there's no way she'd be getting up at 0830 to look for her bank card.\n\nI don't want to throw away 8 years and our family, but I really think something has happened. I'm back home in a few days and want to sort this out so it doesn't linger over us but she is just denying everything. Thoughts please guys and girls?", "answer": "you'll just have to talk it out when you get home", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kfk6u", "comment_id": "dbnsdtx"}, {"question": "Anyone else who grew up with a narcissistic parent? Gaslight and abuse", "description": "Hey everyone.\nI grew up in abuse and one of the things that really fucked me up was the gaslight and manipulation. I'm in a constant fog of fear and confusion, and never really sure if something is real or Im making it up, which have both kept me in abusive scenarios and made me leave good ones. I cant tell safe people from dangerous people.\n\nIm interested in if anyone else here grew up with the same - and if you got therapy, what kind will help?", "answer": "r/raisedbynarcissists is a good resource too, in case you haven't found it yet", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "891vlk", "comment_id": "dwor5fe"}, {"question": "Need an inpatient facility (can pay)", "description": "Afraid to self commit to regular psych hospital but need help for a month or two. Can pay for facility. Anyone know how to find one?\nI\u2019m female autistic adult. ", "answer": "What country are you in?  If it's the U.S., look on the back of your health insurance card (if you have insurance) and you can usually find provider info on your insurance company's website or there will be a number to call for mental health.  \n\nAlso.... not sure what you mean by \"a regular psych hospital\" but still want to go to an inpatient facility.  Can you explain a little?\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xtbcy", "comment_id": "dub7tcn"}, {"question": "My mother (57F) ended up stealing the hospital sheet that she used during an X-ray, should I be worried?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is common confusion about ionizing radiation and radioactivity.\n\nX-rays are a form of ionizing radiation, which means they can cause damage, particularly to DNA, but they do not make other materials radioactive. At medical imaging doses, the dose is so low that the risk is minimal.\n\nRadioactive materials or radiation sources produce ionizing radiation by nuclear decay. The danger of such materials is if they become widespread, as in nuclear weapons or meltdowns. They don\u2019t induce radioactivity in other materials either.\n\nWhich is all a long-winded way of saying being X-rayed, or even irradiated by beams as part of radiation therapy (cancer treatment, for example) does not make anyone or anything dangerous.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fe682x", "comment_id": "fjmbopc"}, {"question": "should a therapist be alone with a 6 year old", "description": "Is it normal for a therapist to be alone with a 6 year old?", "answer": "Yes. Often , a parent can be brought into the session at the beginning or end,  but therapy needs to be a safe place where the child does not have to worry about the reactions of adults . Even excellent parents have reactions,  and kids pick up on that easily. \n\nWhat , specifically,  are your concerns?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffxgtb", "comment_id": "fk1541i"}, {"question": "Staying with the pain of abandonment and rejection", "description": "From my experiences with C-PTSD, wanted to share here.\n\nWhen we receive a shame message that is too painful to experience, our bodies and minds often come up with ways to **numb or distract us**. The problem is, these makeshift solutions don't fix the inner problem. They actually exacerbate the sense of defectiveness and separation from others.\n\nEmptiness is a common numbing agent, as is boredom. These things convince you to **do something** to relieve the numbness (like change your job, modify your hair, get a tattoo, drive recklessly, binge drink, binge eat, go on a shopping spree, change your relationship, etc - for me it was all about accomplishing stuff). The distractor convinces you that once you do it, you'll feel all better. And maybe you do... for an hour. \n\nBasically, these things ensure that you stay endlessly distracted and search **externally** for solutions to an **internal** issues. \n\nGrandiosity and fantasizing are another part of this. As long as we have these huge ideas of a perfect relationship to save us and cure us, we're 100% distracted from our own inner experience. We're just living in this puffed-up false self that is constantly **hungering for external attention or sympathy to prove its own existence**. \n\nWhen I decided to stop listening to this \"distractor\" in myself, everything shifted. It wasn't easy at first. It fought and threw every trick in the book at me to stay in control - like a demon realizing it had been caught. But I just kept politely declining it and saying: \"I don't need to **do anything** to feel loved\".\n\nI noticed this distractor came up especially during emotional triggers - being ignored was a big one for me. So instead of desperately trying to distract myself whenever those things came up, I just decided to stay with the feeling. And it was horrible. Like incredibly unpleasant, disgusting, painful - this **sense of defectiveness**, of being unwanted and rejectable and inadequate.\n\nNo wonder my body and mind were trying to numb that out! \n\nBut I just stayed with it, over and over again, offering it comfort and love (the same way I would to a wounded animal). With time, that old false self completely crumbled. It gave up. There was no more grandiosity or fantasy land. No more terrible decisions. No more obsessions. \n\nInstead I started identifying as the person nurturing that wound (also me). \n\nIt was like I'd been knocked down a peg and inhabited my true self - my real identity. **It didn't feel good at all.** It wasn't some sort of beautiful reunion. My true self was damaged, weak, insecure, and afraid. I was depressed and suffered from insomnia. Without my distractions, everything started to slow down significantly. \n\nSlowing down means leaving behind the old protective tricks. *Not* trying to prove we're fine and beautiful and successful. *Not* trying to morph ourselves into a perfect mirror image partner so someone else will love us and never abandon us. *Not* trying to fill the void with grandiose fantasies, being rescued / saved by a perfect partner, or seeking sympathy for our tragic victim narrative. \n\nWith personality disorders, I often see mindfulness / meditation approached in a way like \"I'm thinking of kittens and rainbows, healing and processing my past, loving my inner child, it's all so beautiful, I'm crying!\" But then this horrible feeling starts creeping in and the sufferer thinks: \"WTF I was doing mindfulness, why am I feeling WORSE.\" \n\nBecause what's inside is NOT kittens and rainbows. It's this disgusting, unbearable sense of being bad. **The feeling you experience when someone rejects you or leaves you or starts ignoring your texts**. THAT feeling is what you need to non-judgmentally experience in mindfulness. It's a lie someone else put in there a long time ago, because they hated themselves, not because there was something wrong with you.\n\nI believe all the neurosis from C-PTSD based issues come from trying to **avoid** that feeling, rather than stay with it. \n\nDaily mindfulness practice can help the sufferer identify \"this is real but not true\". And as you build a loving relationship with your self (not just the \"good\" feelings, but the bad ones too), the body will feel safe expressing its worst fear to you, so it can finally be resolved. ", "answer": "I'm saving this because I need to remind myself I need to do this ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "65jjim", "comment_id": "dgasdqk"}, {"question": "All I wanted to do was brush my hair...", "description": "[So frustrating.](http://imgur.com/8my3dw0) My testosterone is high, Im losing hair where I dont want to and gaining even more elsewhere not wanted. Trying to get pregnant - so no birth control or spironolactone. So frustrated. ", "answer": "Try nizoral shampoo. Ketoconazole (topical. don't take oral ketoconazole!) is an anti-androgen. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "459vn2", "comment_id": "czy5xcb"}, {"question": "Curious to know what T'a think of Brene Brown?", "description": "Is she good? Do you recommend her to your Patients?", "answer": "I think so. And I do", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bq9704", "comment_id": "eo3gegn"}, {"question": "My [17/F] boyfriend [19/M] posted a picture of his ex and doesn't think he did anything wrong and refused to remove it.", "description": "I found his reddit recently and when I did I saw that one of his most recent posts was of his ex. I brought it up and he claimed that he just thought people would like the picture and that's why he posted it but I have a major problem with it. This happened a few weeks ago and it's all I can think about ever since and it's ruining everything for me. What makes it worse is that she lives close to him and I live over 2,000 miles away and he's told me that she wants him and if he wanted he could be with her which made me feel even worse. Also, the picture posted was from quite a long time ago off of facebook which would mean that he would have had to have been looking through the profile. He claims that a friend of his commented on it and it popped up in the news feed but I checked and the most recent comment was from months ago. When I asked him to delete it and told him how much it hurt me he refused. Oh and then he posted a captioned picture of me from over a year ago that wasn't as popular and he told me it was because I \"looked like a slut\" and guys don't like that and that she looked classier. I've talked to him several times about it but I always end up feeling worse when I do. I've been with my boyfriend for eleven months and I don't know what to do about this. Any and all support will be much appreciated.", "answer": "You've talked about some major red flags. Run and run now. You're young and haven't invested too much time into this \"boy.\" He sounds emotionally abusive and I imagine it'll only get worse. Why waste more time on someone who makes you miserable. I've known my husband since I was 13 years old and I'm 26 now. We've been best friends the entire time (but only married 2 years) and know how many times he's made me miserable? Zero. We disagree, sure. But he is respectful 100% of the time. That's what love is. Respect and kindness. Please know that if you move on and have high standards for what you'll accept from others that you will find someone MUCH better. You don't want to regret wasting YEARS with this guy. Or have him end up being your ex-husband or shitty father to your children. Let him go on, mature and figure out how he should treat females (or at least let him make others miserable until they learn the same lesson you are). I was with 2 boyfriends in the past that were similar to yours. Was with one for 3 years and the other for 7 years. It was painful and sucked. I learned good life lessons but I wish I had learned them quicker and didn't have to do all the repair from the damage I allowed them to cause.  Life's too short, man. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2n1s0t", "comment_id": "cm9nxdg"}, {"question": "Emergency: What is the safest country for someone who is at risk of being accused of apostasy to go to?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Not shure Reddit is a safe place for this kind of question. I suppose Nothern Europe is an option.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "b1xn9j", "comment_id": "eiovlxl"}, {"question": "Following on from /u/amazonri's question, what is a path a severe sufferer of Social Anxiety could start walking NOW that would hopefully restore some normalcy to their life in 6 months time?", "description": "Please no vague, low effort or snarky answers like 'get a job'. I would like to see more detailed and helpful advice for users of the sub and anyone who is in a dark place and seeking help. Many SA sufferers are of a logical and rigid mindset and like to have a plan or a roadmap to tackle the challenges they face. Modern society however can be a very daunting place for us as it is chaotic and unpredictable. Finding work especially can be made very difficult by SA, especially if you are long-term unemployed and isolated to begin with. \n\nIf anyone here has a past experience of  employing a practical plan to improve their condition and it working for them please share it. I really could entail anything. What might be helpful is to explain it like accepting a quest in a video game and providing a walk-through all the way to completion. That would be great ;)  \n\nExtra: I know this question overlaps with /u/amazonri's question somewhat but please don't worry about it. Share your action plan here in a clear, organised way ready for others to follow if they wish.      ", "answer": "In 1873 there was published a book on rehabilitating traumatized horses, Tachy Hippodamia, by Willis Powell. In it he describes how a horse might be sensitized through trauma to the point where it cannot tolerate the approach of a human. In the book he advocates a procedure of gradual and incremental desensitization. I suggest that your condition is one that can be corrected via the same process. Exposure must be increased very gradually so that repeated exposures at each increase in intensity are comfortable. This approach can be combined with hypnosis or breathing meditation or yoga. The main thing is that you must take ownership of the process and consider it taming yourself. Read the second chapter of the Bhagavad Gita for inspiration. What you are experiencing is the human condition we are the animals that understand that we are going to grow old fall sick and die.  What you are experiencing happens to everyone at some time in their life but we call it different things. Mahatma Ghandi lived by the second chapter of the Gita and he said it gave him courage.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7go1dh", "comment_id": "dql6zu6"}, {"question": "Newly diagnosed, Progesterone to trigger period", "description": "So I was just diagnosed and my gyn has started me on progesterone at 200mg for two weeks to trigger a period since I haven't really had one for about 6 months. Does anyone have experience with this, how long did it take for your period to begin? ", "answer": "did the progesterone increase your appetite? or change your appetite at all?", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3wj1vm", "comment_id": "cy1xuv0"}, {"question": "One therapy session down.", "description": "Still processing. Right now it's kind of like it happened to someone else. Feeling mostly embarrased, and like a pathetic, whiny asshole. Not at all how I was expecting to feel afterwards. Anyone want to weigh in? Tell me how awful their first session was so I can stop feeling like this? ", "answer": "I've felt this way in my own therapy. It is weird... like you are talking but it is somehow about someone else's life. Sometimes I think depression is functional and shields us from connecting more deeply with our pain. If it is happening to someone else, it isn't so painful...", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1vv4ld", "comment_id": "cew5sqx"}, {"question": "Day 3! Feeling great!", "description": "Wow, my second day of work without being hung over, this is awesome. My first sober night I managed to have pizza with out beer which was a little hard. But I've been drinking a lot of seltzer water to replace the carbonated sensation(I don't drink soda). I have been biking a lot to keep busy, 8 miles last night, 5 the night before that. The only real issue I've had is not falling asleep, but staying asleep. I took melatonin and probably woke up like 10 times last night with reoccurring dreams. Overall though, this has been easier than I thought. Thank you /stopdrinking, finding this sub gave me a kick in the ass.", "answer": "Wow, count your blessings!  Day 3 was fucking miserable for me.  I'm thrilled to hear that you're staying active and doing well.  My one piece of unsolicited advice would be to bear in mind that sobriety is not always going to feel as good as it does right now; the pitfalls of life are still there and you're still going to hit them.  Be grateful for your good feelings now and hang in there when it gets rocky.  Remember that there's nothing in life that drinking can't make worse!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "223gvi", "comment_id": "cgj8fzj"}, {"question": "Im sure this has been posted before but who else cant fucking stand when someone says \u201coh I think I\u2019m a little bit ADHD too\u201d just because they cant focus on something all the way", "description": "So many people do this all the time and it makes me so mad.\n\nIt just makes me kind of feel that no one really thinks it\u2019s a big deal, and makes me feel stupid for sometimes trying to explain that ADHD is the reason things I sometimes can\u2019t get my work done or am late to things, ect.\n\nIt seems that since people without ADHD always tend to attribute something like not being able to pay attention in a boring lecture to \u201chaving a little bit of ADHD\u201d it completely delegitimizes the disorder as a whole because apparently \u201ceveryone has a little ADHD\u201d \n\nAnd if i try to explain it to someone they tend to think that im just making excuses for being lazy because they think they already know everything about ADHD or something. \n\nTL:DR\n\nPeople tend to say things like \u201ci think we all have a little ADHD\u201d and it really pisses me off and it seems to make those who really have it look stupid and lazy.", "answer": "I\u2019ve seen a lot of posts like this and it makes me grateful that those comments don\u2019t get to me. I think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve changed my perspective on my adhd from a negative to a positive. \n\nThe way it was presented to me as a kid (now to be clear parents lied and didn\u2019t tell me I had adhd/didn\u2019t believe in it until I was about 22), was that I thought different from other people. That whole most people\u2019s brains connect in straight lines, mine connects in zig zags, and I internalized that as being special. \n\nNow my symptoms were hell growing up bc again, I didn\u2019t know what they were and it was treated  as a personal failure (high IQ= if I had really tried the result would have been better). And then I almost felt like I was cheating when I got on medication at 22 because I felt like the meds gave me an advantage (not realizing it just leveled the playing field).  But I still felt like the non-attentional/impulsive/hyperactive aspects of adhd made me somehow MORE than my peers because my brain worked differently than there\u2019s did (problem solving, creativity, etc).  \n\nFor me it\u2019s like.... okay so I suffer from migraines, but I don\u2019t tell people who just have regular headaches that they\u2019re lucky/I have a legit medical issue/they calling their headache a migraine makes a mockery of my experience. They\u2019re difficulty paying attention or whatever is a speed bump versus my mountain, but they still have a hard time dealing with their speed bump. \n\nI don\u2019t know, that\u2019s just how I stay sane in this world of \u201cif you really tried you could do it.\u201d  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "84lj4b", "comment_id": "dvr0d7j"}, {"question": "My anxiety is keeping me from seeking help.", "description": "Hello there. I'd like to be properly diagnosed, not quite sure what it is, Asperger's would explain a lot, so would certain personality disorders, can't tell for sure what it may be.\n\nThe problem is: I hate talking to doctors. Always have. At least dentists don't expect you to talk when they're poking your gums, but other kinds of medical personnel are something I can't deal with very well.\n\nAny idea how to overcome this problem? 'Cause I don't think a psychiatrist would be of any help when I'm not in a condition to cooperate.", "answer": "Talk to a counselor, not a doctor. A counselor is going to have a lot of training to help you feel at ease with them -- especially one that specializes in Asperger's.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dr9co", "comment_id": "c9t34cn"}, {"question": "Is it possible to have PTSD from your partner cheating?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "So, \"criterion A\" for a diagnosis of PTSD in the DSM is pretty strict: either direct or indirect exposure to death or threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence. (Note that this does not mean you don't meet diagnostic criteria for anything; I am not willing or able to diagnose via internet post. This is not a diagnosis or medical/psychological advice.)\n\nHowever, that does not mean that this incident did not affect you; it definitely sounds like it did, and it sounds like you could use some help, especially given the duration of these symptoms. Are you open to calling a therapist and scheduling a first appointment?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fe4ki9", "comment_id": "fjlzofn"}, {"question": "Mom has Amnesia", "description": "I just got home from work tonight and my mom has been in a state of amnesia. When I asked, she said she didn't hit her head or take any medication. She mentioned a few times how she was confused because she was napping and she claims to have dreamt things she actually did in real life (e.g. buy kiwis and gum). She couldn't tell me what month it was. To say this is unsettling is truly an understatement. I've never seen any worrying signs of memory loss in her. She seemed completely fine when I left for work. I'm really worried. Obviously she will see a doctor ASAP. I pray to God she wakes up okay. This night has changed my life forever. Like most of you, I love my mom more than anything in the world and this is a deeply humbling experience. I urge you all to express your love to your fullest capabilities. Every day is truly a priceless gift we must stop taking for granted. Any prayers and/or words of advice are greatly appreciated. Thank you. ", "answer": "Do these experiences come on suddenly? It's bordering on urgent assessment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5foz41", "comment_id": "damhoyy"}, {"question": "Can you take too many vitamins?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: Female\nHeight: 5\u20193\u201d\nWeight: 126 lbs\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration of Complaint: N/A\nLocation: Michigan\nRelevant Medical Issues: poor diet\nCurrent Medications: Mono-Linyah birth control and Lexapro 20mg\n\n\nI\u2019ve never been a healthy eater per se, mainly due to my anxiety and depression so I\u2019ve started taking regular vitamins. Right now I take 60mg of iron, 65mg of ginkgo biloba and 500 mg of niacin (due to higher than normal cholesterol). I want to start taking Vitamin B12 and magnesium as well, but I\u2019m just curious, can I be taking too many vitamins/supplements? I don\u2019t want to accidentally cause harm to my body.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "It's possible to overdose on some vitamins, but for water soluble ones like B12 and magnesium it's difficult enough to be impractical. However, for most people, there's also no clear benefit to taking vitamins. The research isn't strong, but there's a correlation between vitamin supplements and worse health outcomes.\n\nMy sense is that unless you're taking vitamins for something specifically they're not worth the money. They aren't just generically good for you, and even an ostensibly lousy American diet usually doesn't produce actual nutritional deficiencies.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bdwps3", "comment_id": "el1hivg"}, {"question": "[20/M] My girlfriend [21/F] admitted sex makes her feel bad", "description": "I may post this in r/sex if that is more helpful, but this is still a relationship question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. She's intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and always puts others before herself. We instantly clicked but on our first date I remembered her telling me she moves very slowly in relationships. After three dates we were officially dating, but she asked to keep it off Facebook. It took another two dates until we even kissed, and two weeks after that to start fooling around (nakedness but not actual sex).\n\nAfter four months we still hadn't slept together, she always got tense when I moved things intimately. I asked her why and she'd just shrug it off, so I backed off. Eventually she admitted while she had fooled around with a past boyfriend, she was a virgin. I insisted it wasn't a big deal, and two months later we finally had sex.\n\nShe doesn't usually initiate, but always seems eager when we sleep together. She's come a long way, makes sure she does things that I like, but I recently realized she gets very uncomfortable whenever I focus on her. I thought maybe she was insecure about how she looked, but she'll have sex with the lights on and has never complained about her body before.\n\nLong story short, I started foreplay when she was over last night and she was in to it until I started paying her too much attention. Like I pulled her hands away from touching me to go down on her (she's never let me do that). She got really tense and asked me to stop. I of course backed off and asked her if she was okay, she said yes but to not do that, and I asked her why. When she started to shrug it off I was more firm and said I wanted to know why she won't let me focus just on her.\n\nShe burst in to tears and I felt like a complete jackass. I didn't yell or anything, and she's never cried before. She told me that her ex was her first sexual partner (as in being sexual, they never had sex) but he made her feel awful about sex. When she said she was a virgin it was like a huge fetish and all he cared about was taking her virginity. She said he'd get her drunk, feel her up in public, initiate when she said no and wouldn't stop until she physically got him off of her. My girlfriend said sex was always a one-way thing that wouldn't end until he got off no matter what. He made her pleasure some kind of bargaining chip like \"if I made you feel good now you HAVE to get me off.\"\n\nMy girlfriend said all she thought about while having sex was making sure I was happy. Like her end goal was never to feel good herself, it was to get me off so our relationship didn't end up like that. She started going on and on about how she knows sex for guys is the most important part of dating and was afraid if I tried to get her to orgasm (which she never has because she stops me) I'd use it against her.\n\nHonestly I had NO idea she thought of sex like that. I finally got her to calm down and said this was a discussion we should have after she slept on it. I don't know what to do. Basically my girlfriend thinks sex is just to satisfy me and I'd somehow use her getting off as an excuse to escalate to things she might not want to do. I feel so bad because she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and for some douche to use her inexperience against her like that... ugh.\n\nI just don't know how to talk to her about it. We're meeting up tomorrow night. Do I take a break from sex with her and say only when she's ready we'll start up again? She feels like somehow she's broken and she isn't, she just dated a douche and tried hard to seem like the perfect girlfriend.\n\n**tl;dr:** Girlfriend of 8 months and I started having sex 2 months ago. She admitted the reason she won't let me focus on her pleasure is because her ex made sex all about him and used her feeling good as an excuse to escalate his own needs. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "Go slow. Be patient. Let her be in control of how this evolves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u73kc", "comment_id": "dlqiuas"}, {"question": "[24/M] Don't know if I should stay with my girlfriend (23/f) after some life changing events when we have different life plans/personalities.", "description": "Hi all, I really hate to do this, but I really need some advice right now and most of my friends are equally as close with my girlfriend as they are with me.\n\nTo begin, my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for nearly 5 years now, on and off. Every time we've taken a break, I've been the one to initiate it. We met in high school, dated throughout college, and moved in together right after graduation to Oregon.\n\nLiving together was great. In a lot of ways we balanced each other out, I'm very sporadic, she's very organized. We would hang out most weekdays and weekends, smoking weed, maybe drinking a couple of beers watching tv or whatever. Sometimes we'd go out, do stuff outdoors, etc.  It was comfortable, but somewhat boring. I found myself constantly daydreaming about moving abroad, doing something crazy, whatever.\n\nFast forward a year and a half and my dad dies very suddenly. Him and I were super close, talking a couple of times a week, making each other crack up, etc. Obviously, I was quite shaken up and probably will be for years to come. After all the ceremonies, a couple of weeks with my mom and brother, I moved back in with my girlfriend.\n\nAt this point, things were going just about as well as possible after the loss of a close love one. My girlfriend was very supportive as was my manager. Things kind of went back to normal, when out of nowhere the company I was working had to do massive layoffs. I knew exactly what was coming when my manager called me in to let me go.\n\nGetting let go sucked, but I tried to see the positive in the situation by letting myself relax for a bit. While my girlfriend went to work, I sat at home, played video games and smoked weed. It was nice, but after about a week and a half I was incredibly bored. I started looking for jobs and realized how little I wanted to commit living in the city that I was in. On a whim, I applied to an internship abroad and got a couple of days later.\n\nI moved using money from my dad's life insurance and that's where I am now. I'm happier than ever, but in a lot of ways more confused than ever. I realized after about a month of living here that I don't miss my girlfriend at all. I know she misses me because she consistently skypes me crying and messages me talking about how she needs me home, etc. I feel terrible about it. She's a great person, I love her, honestly but I barely think about her. I know it sounds horrible, but I've been having so much fun, feeling closer to myself than ever. Interacting with her feels more like a burden than something to look forward to.\n\nI have a month left in the program, but feel like I need to live here full time once I figure out my visa stuff. I can't imagine moving back home with her, not because it is bad or anything, just because it sounds so boring. I don't know what to do about this and I need your advice. Please let me know if you have any questions and thanks in advance.", "answer": "Seems like the distance gave you pause for reflection, and it seems you've moved on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67isw8", "comment_id": "dgqqxqg"}, {"question": "Back to school sobriety sale!!!! (roll call)", "description": "I've noticed in the last few weeks a surge of younger folks joining us which is awesome!! Since a common shared concern is that \"I'm to young for this!\" I thought we should do an age roll call, perhaps putting you in touch with others that share your struggles and your age will be of some comfort for what is ahead of you. I don't care who PM's me but if you would rather talk to someone who isn't old enough to be your mom, now you know who fits the bill!\n\nI'll start, 38 next week.", "answer": "19 now. Got sober at the age of 17.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2c6w4f", "comment_id": "cjco4nr"}, {"question": "Just little BPD things: snapping at someone you're splitting on and the anxiety you get from it after the whole 5 seconds of feeling good.", "description": "ANXIETY ANXIETY ANXIETY", "answer": "[I just posted about something very similar in another sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7b56jl/i_lose_control_when_i_feel_physically/)", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7b5kig", "comment_id": "dph0f8s"}, {"question": "Why i'm i [29/m] often doubting my relationship with my partner [30/f]?", "description": "Since we met i felt doubt, i wanna strive for a rich life with meditation, yoga, finding your true self etc. I was interested in researching psychedelics, consciousness and similar things. She on the other hand had a very protected upbringing, only child in her family and pretty scared of new things. She's interested in exploring life but not at all the way i want to do it.\n\nSomething in me really wants to stay with her, she's really trustworthy, caring and intelligent. But there are minor things that add up and frustrates me. \n\n* I want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.\n\n* Her general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. Also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.\n\n* She doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).\n\n* She doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. I've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. She loses interest so quickly.\n\n* Her only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. She's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.\n\nI'm not sure what to do, i feel so alone sometimes and i have this burning feeling in the pit of my stomach as if i want to express something that i'm unable to with her. We've tried going to couples counselling. I was advised to not critique and she was advised to try to let her guard down toward life.\n\nWe have been together for 5 years. I want a future with her but i feel so incredibly hopeless and depressed when these things happen. Something in me really wants to stay with her but another part of me has a longing of exploring something else, something that's maybe better. This doubt really exhaust and depresses me.\n\nCan anyone relate? How did you handle your doubt or situation?\n\nI just want to find a constructive and sustainable way out of this intermittent suffering. Because we have our good moments too, it's not all bad. This happens especially when i'm tired, had a bad day or when i'm thinking alot.", "answer": "I want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.**if you are very different in this regard, and can't find common ground, then you just have to accept that your 'ways' are going to be different. often couples like this have separate spaces in their house they can call their own**\nHer general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. Also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.**it's up to her to decide how educated she wants to be. you can help if she wants but ultimately she has to own it**\nShe doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).**doesn't sound like someone you can joke with. sarcasm imo is a bad trait with no upside**\nShe doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. I've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. She loses interest so quickly.\nHer only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. She's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.**if you have zero shared interests, it's pretty hard to make it as a couple. again, she has to decide  if she wants to be more enaged and self-actualized in life.  and you have to decide if she's boring or not stimulating enough to sustain a life together**", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5w3rrm", "comment_id": "de74avj"}, {"question": "How come finding a good endocrinologist is so hard?", "description": "I'm a type 1 diabetic living in Los Angeles so I should have options, right?  But the only good person I've found is at UCLA and that's really far for me.  So I know good ones exist, but many more bad ones.\nWho or what is responsible for such poor quality MDs in this field?\nDoes the endocrinology field attract the least talented for any reason?  \n(I know there are many factors to consider like insurance policies, poor administrators, and the fast evolution of diabetic hardware must be difficult for MD offices to keep up with.)\n\n\n", "answer": "How do you/we know whos good or bad anyway?\n\n(COI: Naive UK doc)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5z6g5f", "comment_id": "devoist"}, {"question": "I really need help about to go into depression...", "description": "So me [17, M] and my girlfriend [16,F] have been dating for about 2 and a half months. In that time we have had more than like 5 arguments, big ones. I don't know what to do anymore. The main issue is time. She doesn't have time alot because she always is so involved. In a week i get to see her like 2 or 3 times and honestly that is not enough for me. But i feel bad everytime i mention it because she says she doesn't know what to do. She has to skip or make excuses to her activities to see me and everytime she does this it makes me sad. I hate that she has to make excuses to spend time with me, her boyfriend. All of our issues basically are because of time. But i also thought maybe i'm too needy. My friend told me that for the first 5 months he dated his girl, they met almost everyday. I never felt so much envy and jealousy. Am in the wrong for wanting to see her more? I know she's busy because she has school, activities and volunteering but i hate that our relationship has become sort of like a schedule where we have a set amount of times we meet a week. I wish our relationship could be one where we meet whenever we want. Do you have any advice for me? I am so unhappy these days and i'm thinking whether it's worth dating her. I do love her but at the same time it's hard to be with her. I am going to college this fall and i am not sure if this is a relationship i want to continue in college. The girl herself is amazing and i love her alot but this relationship isn't going too well and i don't know what to do. Can you please help me with this because if i can i want this relationship to work.", "answer": "you have to either accept the time she has, or move on. if it were me, i'd stay with 'amazing'. amazing is hard to find!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66jh3w", "comment_id": "dgj38l0"}, {"question": "So I gambled away $400 tonight", "description": "Would meds stop me from needing that kind of rush? When I have been on meds I haven't gambled anywhere near as much or felt urges to gamble.", "answer": "Depends on the medication.  Antidepressants might help curb the desire to escape the depression through gambling.  The \"rush\" is a different experience though, and mood stabilizers like lithium or other meds often prescribed for bipolar symptoms might help curb the urges/cravings, especially if one is feeling manic in other ways.\n\nInterestingly, some research demonstrates *Naltrexone* and *N-Acetyl cysteine*(over the counter!) can be helpful in affecting gambling urges. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1b8f7r", "comment_id": "c94nssf"}, {"question": "Really, really bad alcohol withdrawal symptoms [35][M]", "description": "Good morning. Before you hit me with rule 4, please know that I've already called 911 and the paramedics left about an hour ago. My vitals were fine, but my symptoms are indeed severe. I'm currently having a drink to abate them so I wouldn't call this an immediate \"emergency.\"\n\nHere are my details: 35 y/o male. 6'2\", 275 lbs. Have smoked since age 12, but my alcohol withdrawal symptoms have been so severe that I haven't smoked this week. No recreational drugs, but I drink a substantial amount. When I say substantial, I mean an absolutely heroic amount of alcohol each day. Between 4-5 pints of Wild Turkey 101 Whiskey. My daily drinking has been going on for around 5 months (between 2-3 pints), but the insane amount that I just mentioned has been going on for 2 weeks.\n\nHere's my problem: I start to go into withdrawal around 3-4 hours after my last drink. Heavy tremors, very profuse sweating, panic and anxiety, restlessness, rapid heart rate and palpitations, hallucinations, and I hear things that aren't there. I've only made it perhaps 45 minutes into the onset of these symptoms before grabbing a glass, and they were so bad that I could scarcely pour or lift it to my mouth to start drinking and get rid of the symptoms.\n\nAs I mentioned, earlier this morning I called 911 due to the symptoms and the paramedics came out. My vitals were fine, though I did have high BP (which I already knew). They asked if I wanted them to take me in. I asked them what I should do since they're medical professionals and they said they couldn't advise me. Even so, one of them said off the record that it's not a good idea to head to the ER under current conditions. As a layman I can understand why. They're quite busy right now. If I were to show up there and hang out in the waiting room with no alcohol my symptoms would either seriously endanger my life within 3-4 hours of cessation as I sit there waiting, or I'd freak people out due my restlessness, hallucinations, and hearing things.\n\nThe paramedics advised me to call my PCP and psychiatrist. Both offices are closed, but I left a message with both of them. My question is: Is there a NON-er place I can go where they can look after me? I get no sleep because the symptoms come on so quickly and I have to get up to drink. I'm not eating and haven't for several days. Can I just show up at like a psychiatric hospital or something? I cannot keep drinking like this. The withdrawal symptoms are just too severe and terrifying.\n\nThank you", "answer": "Plenty responses but as an addiction psychiatrist I should probably say something briefly.\n\n2 choices - either continue drinking at the same level or seek a medically assisted detox. Stopping abruptly is potentially fatal (DTs a few days into sobriety) at the level of consumption youre drinking at.\n\nKeep us updated.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmg62o", "comment_id": "fl6sqqq"}, {"question": "I was asked to give the toast at a Wedding, yesterday.", "description": "My friends wedding, and my brother was supposed to give the toast, but he was already drunk by the time of the toast, so I was handed a glass of champagne and asked to take his place. so..... somehow as if in a dream, I saw myself do this, I put the glass down, picked up a glass of water, and toasted, in front of 200 people with a glass of water. It's weird, and Im not bragging, I feel like as if a brick fell off a building and for some reason, I moved to the left, and it missed me. I don't feel proud, just relieved, relieved and lucky. Today is day 5 for me.\n", "answer": "Well done. Weddings can be tricky...between frees bars, toasts etc its not easy. Good work indeed..", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8koup1", "comment_id": "dzasdj3"}, {"question": "My low self esteem and sadness keeps getting in the way of my marriage", "description": "In arguments with my husband, I tend to push him away. I rarely feel good enough for him so I try to convince him to move on.  He always fight for me, though, and end up holding me and promising we'll be okay and so will I. It's gotten to the point that he's done bc I won't fight for him the same way he does for me. I want to so bad. I want him to know I do. But I can't show it bc of thoughts. They yell at me that I'm holding him back. \n\nWe've gone a break now so I can find myself again. How do I fight for him? How do I make myself better?", "answer": "Therapy. Medications. Finding sources of happiness in your own life so you don't tail off into despair. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar6ha", "comment_id": "dhgq04z"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "This can be \"delayed sleep phase syndrome,\" where your natural sleep cycle is just shifted later than the rest of the world. If you can keep your natural schedule, it's healthy, but there are often a lot of practical barriers to doing so like school and work that expect you to be up in the morning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g79az7", "comment_id": "fog8g8u"}, {"question": "Depressed and everyone thinks I'm doing okay, but only because I'm too paranoid to tell them how I'm really doing", "description": "F, 35, white\n\ndepression with psychosis (hearing voices), anxiety\n\nI've had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. In and out of the hospital for the last 12 years or so until about 2 years ago. Since then I've managed to stay out. I see a therapist and psychiatrist and have a lot of people who are supposed to help me. In the last few months everyone thinks I am doing so much better, but that is because I have forced myself to put on a happy face and talk more and smile and pretty much fake it. But it's because I've become so paranoid of everyone's intents and don't trust that they are looking out for my best interests. I worry that they are going behind my back and talking about me and plotting against me. I am not normally paranoid.  The only psychotic feature of my depression has been auditory hallucinations, and those haven't gotten any worse.  I am right on the edge between seeing that this is not rational to think this way, but still not being able to get past my beliefs and concerns to actually talk to anyone, so it just gets worse.\n\nI don't trust medications anymore. I have tried so many already, antidepressants and antipsychotics. The ones that helped I couldn't seem to tolerate or eventually stopped working. The ones I could tolerate didn't help. Now I worry that the doctors were really spending the last 20 years trying to poison me with these medications and they are using current circumstances to try to get me back on medications that will hurt me.\n\nI know how crazy this (I) sound(s.) I just don't know what to do about it.\n\nI realize that nobody can help me if I can't tell them what is going on, but how can I tell them what is going on when I secretly think they want to hurt me? \n\nI need to figure this out before I end up cancelling my psychiatrist appointment next week because I think she'll poison me with meds. Or before I cancel my next therapy appointment because she is secretly recording me and playing it for everyone I know to hear. Besides, every time I leave the house for appointments, people come in to my apartment and go through all of my things. (All huge, very real fears of mine right now.)\n\nIs the a chance this is more than just my depression at this point? Could I lose the ability to see that these are irrational fears?\n\nHow do I approach this with my doctor when I feel like she is part of the problem? (Even though I know that the problem is me.)", "answer": "Has any other diagnosis been considered such as emotionally unstable personality disorder?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jo47m", "comment_id": "dbil54k"}, {"question": "35/F with 36/M and we have NO sexual chemistry but everything else is great.", "description": "Hi Im a 35/F and my guy is 36. We have been together about 18 mo and live an hour or so away...we're very much compatable and do an amazing job as a team with regard to everytihng from goals to communication to love.....we just dont have sex. Maybe 5 times total. He doesnt initiate it at all. The few times we have, he's gone soft or I get dry. It just doesnt work and to be honest, I dont even want to try at this point. \n\nWould you guys leave?? Its so frustrating when I bring it up, he says its me (not taking initiative) but dang, last thing I remember is actually feeling wanted by my exes and that lead to sex actually happenning. He is just content to drink (yes, he's over weight and drinks and smokes) and hang out. \n\nI hate it and I want to leave him but I love everything else about us. ", "answer": "are you prepared for a celibate life? most aren't. go to couple therapy. have him talk to his doc about viagra.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6q60lz", "comment_id": "dkv237a"}, {"question": "How much were you aware of your productive hyperfocus before you knew you had ADHD, especially for late diagnoses?", "description": "I used to be able to feel like I had something, another gear to me. I kept trying to find ways to synthesize it.", "answer": "I was very aware.  I used to think it just had to do with anxiety and lack of motivation.  One of my professor's used to say to me \n\n\n\"You're such an incredible student, but you won't get any work done until you have a gun to your head (referring to hard deadlines without any chance of catching a break).  Then you do great work, but you never give yourself enough time to edit.\"\n\n\nI figured out how to harness it, but it was basically self-medication with a ton of coffee and cigarettes.  Now, I can get in these hyperfocus states when needed fairly easily just by taking my meds.  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "at7n8v", "comment_id": "egze90k"}, {"question": "Almost made it through christmas", "description": "I'm about 2.5 weeks sober and I made it through a Christmas eve party with a bunch of friends and now I'm almost through a small christmas gathering with my sister and her fiance. I decided to not fly home to be with my immediate and extended family, as I knew the temptations would be greater. It's hardly felt like Christmas but at least I made it through without drinking. \n\nSo glad to be able to check in with you all. Hope everyone else had some success getting through the holidays.", "answer": "Awesome to see your dedication is greater than you fear of being uncomfortable in New decisions. What a great start to your work towards a better life. Woot!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y8pya", "comment_id": "cybhag6"}, {"question": "I thought I was improving", "description": "I started CBD about a year ago and am now on a 63 day Headspace streak. But this weekend has been the toughest in several months. Any advice on overcoming what seem to be a plateau? I know what set it off. Something small but a constant source of angst for me.", "answer": "My rules for alcohol is - it\u2019s a problem when it\u2019s a problem. And how to know if it\u2019s a problem is to see if it is causing problems with your relationships, your job, your health, or your legal status/freedom.  If any of these areas are being negatively impacted because of your drinking, you have a problem. The term \u201calcoholic\u201d is played out. It\u2019s too vague and therefore easy for people to dismiss for anything other than a homeless guy under a bridge. \n\nJust wanted to put in my two cents there on that.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "dxs4dp", "comment_id": "f7xee43"}, {"question": "Sleep problems", "description": "25/male/caucasian/ 6'1\"/157 lbs\n\nlately i've been having insomnia. I sleep on average 4 hours a night. I wake up around 9 and fall asleep at ~5. You would think this would make me more tired as my sleep deprivation continues, but for some reason it doesn't get worse, and I never feel tired. I don't sleep in the day, and i'm never drowsy. I drink about 1-2 cups of coffee in the morning, and so far my cognition is normal. This has been going on for a few weeks now and is becoming kind of unnerving. Does anyone have any insight as to why this could be happening?", "answer": "[Sleeping well](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/sleepproblems/sleepingwell.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52pl7y", "comment_id": "d7mnqmz"}, {"question": "No conversation skills at ALL", "description": "So I like people. I love to be included and  be around my friends. But I've found when I am one on one with someone, I can't think of nothing to say. I end up bringing up weird, awkward things and distancing people from me. \n\nI just don't know any \"normal\" conversation starters. I also don't know what to do if I seem to say an alright thing (\"What are you doing when the summer starts?\" \"-insert funny thing- happened today. Crazy, huh?\") and they don't reply or they just say one word or sentence and don't speak again. How do I get people to keep talking to me?", "answer": "I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that you might find helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "34a5ne", "comment_id": "cqthkwn"}, {"question": "Question regarding how to ask for medication regimen.", "description": "40/F/5'6/Caucasian/Ongoing for years\n\nI am currently under the care of a regular talk doc (psychologist), but the medicine doc (psychiatrist) in this particular practice keeps changing.  For the longest time I was on a regimen of Zoloft 100mg daily for depression, with Xanax at .5mg as needed, up to 2x or 3x daily.  In 2013 my dad passed away and I was bumped up to 200mg of Zoloft, and in 2015 I was pregnant so I was basically off all meds during that time.  At the end of the pregnancy, I was able to slowly get back onto Zoloft, and because of some severe post-partum anxiety, I was allowed to take a max of 4 Xanax per day. \n\nBecause the doctors in the office have been revolving, every 3-6 months I have to meet with a new doctor, re-explain everything, and hope they will either keep me on the Zoloft/Xanax, or want to try me on something new.  The last doctor who was in the practice was very, very anti Xanax and would only fill my Rx as 1 per day, PRN.  He also put me on Buspirone, 5mg 2x per day and this really kicked my moods into darn near suicidal.  When I brought this up to him, he did not want me to stop taking the Buspirone, but instead asked me to bump up my Zoloft to 200mg (and again, no increase on the Xanax). \n\nThat doctor is since gone, and tomorrow I see the latest doctor who will hopefully stay in the practice for a while.  How do I best present that I would like to go back to the regimen that seemed to work out the best for me without making it sound like I am trying to self-diagnose myself?  I live in an area where, unfortunately, I think they are used to people abusing the system and I am not one of those people.  I really, really don't feel stable on the Buspirone, and while some days I feel OK if I only take one Xanax, there are days where my anxiety is so much worse and I wish I could take a second pill without the worry of running out by the end of the month.  \n\nHopefully this all makes sense.  Thanks in advance for any advice you are able to give. ", "answer": "I would suggest that you say to the doctor what you've said here. Especially if you're in one practice the records should remain available, but what you ask for is not unreasonable.\n\nFor what it's worth, though, many doctors will be uncomfortable with Xanax and possibly unwilling to continue to prescribe it. That's about the demonizing of benzodiazepines, which is not without reason. Still, if that won't be continued then you should be able to talk about why and what he or she can offer as a suggestion instead.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9wh2ha", "comment_id": "e9kjrm2"}, {"question": "I'm attracted to my best friends sister.... help", "description": "Hi this is a throw away since my buddy knows my real account. Anyways I am 19 years old and have been friends with this guy since we were kids. \nWe basically grew up together. In the past 6 months I have developed a crush towards his sister... she is the same age as me and we recently have been talking alot more. \nAnyways at first I figured the crush was nothing and it would pass but it didn't go away. She is home from college and it's getting to the point where I really want to ask her out but I'm not sure if it's a good idea..... \nI don't really think he would care all that much but it's just the principal of it since it goes against the \"bro code\" type deal. The other night we were all drinking at his house and she drinks with us too..\n The funny thing is the other night there mom has now noticed because she literally said \" I think we need to give him a few more drinks before he will admit that he likes you\" I kinda just smiled and looked away but obviously she knows it. At this point I'm not sure what to think because I have tried talking to other girls and going on dates but she still keeps popping up in my head.", "answer": "ask her out", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kd7hm", "comment_id": "dbn815o"}, {"question": "Being friends with an ex- confused", "description": "My ex broke up with me about 9 months ago mainly due to off timing and personality differences. During the break up, he was very insistent on us being friends in time. I know everyone says that, but I truly believe he meant it especially since we were actually friends before we dated. About a month later we met up but it was a too soon as I got a bit emotional. After that, we weren't in contact for almost 5-6 months. He finally reaches out in October and suggests meeting up. We catch up over coffee for almost 4 hours and it felt like good old times. He said he missed hanging out but feels we needed the break. He even suggested us doing activities like going to yoga together.  I like to think I have a good read on situations and the hangout went well other than maybe it went a bit too long. I haven't heard from him since other than I sent him a happy bday text in December which lead to a very brief text conversation. I'm just confused now cause after our recent hangout it's clear we can be friends and we're ready. Does he not want to be friends? Any insight? ", "answer": "if you're comfortable being friends, then reach out from time to time. there are friends that talk everyday, and there are friends that have lunch once/month and don't talk in between.  every friendship finds its level.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ou12i", "comment_id": "dcm2g89"}, {"question": "[Help] Anxiety over wether or not to report my \"mental illness\" as a disability to my college", "description": "Basically I'm transferring to real college in the spring. Now, I can report myself as having mental illnesses which I have which would give me some advantages that I could use probably. But I feel that if I do report it, people are going to judge me. The main advantage for me is in housing. I need a single room when getting a dorm and well this is harder to do. I don't know if it's worth it. I also would make sure I have a psychatrist from school check in on me periodically but I don't know if I want that either. I'm really in a whole mess of what to do. ", "answer": "I think you should report it. It'll be an advantage for you to do so!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "uz6f1", "comment_id": "c4zwhle"}, {"question": "Self Sabotage", "description": "I have many stressors in my life at the moment and these seems to be causing my depression to manifest in different ways. I'm trying to diet and lose weight but I keep sabotaging myself. I tried to diet and didn't stick to it. I've signed up to the gym but find the idea of going so humiliating I can't make myself do it. I just want to stay home and cry and feel pathetic about not being able to go. I know it's stupid but I really don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can make myself go? ", "answer": "You could read \u2018Compassion and Self-hate\u2019 and \u2018Addicted to Unhappiness.\u2019", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8tt4sz", "comment_id": "e1ao57m"}, {"question": "Trying to decide if I [20/M] should move away from my girlfriend of 9 months [21/F] to pursue medical treatment...", "description": "Hi everyone.\n\nLet me start off by saying I love my girlfriend and she loves me - we rarely fight, we have been on trips together, we always work together well, and it's almost too perfect to be true. We met on Tinder, but we were friends first and it just turned into this amazing relationship. We have been (officially) a couple 9 months; but we went on our first date more like a year ago. \n\nWhen I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. For those that don't know, this disease is horrific. I, in some ways, am fortunate that it is in my small intestine - meaning I rarely get diarrhea like a lot of other Crohn's sufferers get. However, this is also bad news because the small bowel is harder to treat. I am malnourished, underweight, and, in general, in a significant amount of pain. \n\nI am seeing a doctor, and I am taking the medications provided - however, like most Crohn's patients find, the medication doesn't always work... in my case it doesn't work at all. \n\nI have severe damage to my small intestine, scarring, inflammation, and partial obstructions (blockages). \n\n**Here is my actual question...** I have to move to Colorado to seek further treatment. I am quite confident it will be immensely beneficial to me and my overall health (I have my sources). It is 4 1/2 hours away from my girlfriend. I have a great job here, too, which I would have to leave. I would live with my parents who are in Colorado.\n\nI want to marry my girlfriend down the line - but neither of us are prepared for that right now. I don't want to do long distance if I can avoid it, but... I guess this is where your advice comes in. What would you do, Reddit? I have talked to my girlfriend about it.", "answer": "is it a university based program in colorado??", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6sdlwo", "comment_id": "dlbwxuj"}, {"question": "Love is work, I know but when do you decide it's not worth the work anymore?", "description": "I (f29) have been with my bf (m29) for almost ten years. We've had our issues and we've been through hell but always seem to go back to our norm eventually. Lately he hates how much I hate the world and people and I feel like he just doesn't get me. I get depressed, never been diagnosed, i dont like the Idea of meds to numb me. I haven't wanted to have sex for years but I'm still attracted to him, I just don't want to with anyone. I can't tell if this has to do with him or if its just me and my depression and it will pass. I feel like I finally know who I am and an comfortable with it and don't want to be fake to please others anymore. Like maybe I've only been what I think he wants me to be but now I'm tired and he doesn't actually like the real me. I feel like we are good I'm crisis mode but can't deal with everyday life. I always build up everything in my head, real life has never lived up to my fantasy. Am I being stupid to want a soul mate and true love or do those things even exist. Love is work, I know but when do you decide it's not worth the work anymore? ", "answer": "couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nh19s", "comment_id": "dk9f7se"}, {"question": "Confession of a frequent ER visitor.", "description": "Confession of a frequent ER visitor. 26 year old, male, 173cm, 66kg.\n\nFor the last three years had various problems with health. I have an obsession with health and am very sensitive to any problems happening. I do excessive googling of a possible condition and end up stressed and convinced I have something.\n\nIt does not cost anything to attend ER in UK. I went there more than 30 times in the last 3 years. First I was concerned I might have diabetes (measuring my blood glucose) and ended up not eating much. I had symptoms that resembled heart attack and super fast paced heart and thought it is the end ... all tests were always normal.\n\nNow, it is back to having problems with digestion - it causes pain and I go ER. In addition, after eating my temperature goes to low fever and every doctor is puzzled why. But all blood and imaging tests never show anything. I went to gastro and she mentioned mild gastritis but was surprised about low fever after eating...\n\nAnyways, my main point is ... how do I deal with my hypochondria and being convinced to have something bad? I feel like am abusing ER and actual healthcare system. All the time they find nothing.\n\nShould I go to psychiatrist?", "answer": "Do you have GPs in the UK?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c2tvhn", "comment_id": "ermnkoi"}, {"question": "How often are you actually supposed to participate in class?", "description": "I graduated college a while ago and still don't understand this. Should you help the teacher out and raise your hand to contribute a few times each class? A few times a week? Only when you have something you don't think someone else will say?", "answer": "It's all a balance.  Professors generally want participation.  The more you participate, the more they will feel you're invested in the class and your learning.  \n\n\nI would say that it's a good idea to participate as much as possible without monopolizing the time.  If you've already asked a few questions or participated in discussion and you can see others in the class want to, allow others to get a chance.  \n\n\nIf the professor asks for feedback or opinions and the class is silent, looks like they don't care, this is the perfect time to participate.  There's nothing worse than that kind of silence during a lecture for a professor and most will be grateful that at least one student showed interest and engagement.  \n\n\nNot every professor is going to understand the intricacies of social anxiety and more often than not, if you are only raising your hand or participating once a week or less, they'll assume you're not very interested or engaged.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8sopxq", "comment_id": "e11q3qv"}, {"question": "Suffering from Melancholic depression for 10 years; woke up today feeling \"eurphoic\".", "description": "I'm a 25 year old Male, with \"melancholic\" depression symptoms including:\n Anhedonia, No appetite (10 KG underweight), bad moods in the morning with lowered appetite, trouble waking, and falling a sleep, anxiety.\n\nI'm on Nortriptyline 25mg / day.\n\nToday I woke up absolutely euphoric, like I'm on some sort of opiate, I got out of be without struggling, ate breakfast without struggling, I feel calm and relaxed, my veins are enlarged like my blood pressure has gone up (it tends to be on the low side normally), I don't feel cold in my fingertips like I would normally in this weather, my skin is tingling, and when I masterbated the orgasm was way more intense.\n\nThis is not the first time it has happened, maybe 1-3 times a year never \"back to back\", this is the first time I've stopped to think, what is going on here, why such a swing in my body for no good reason, why is it so abrupt, and only on one day?\n\nThe only thing that has changed for me is I started eating eggs and spinach over the last few days.\n\nI've been looking around online to see if I could find anything that could describe the sensations, nothing really comes up, perhaps something related to oxytocin, or beta-endorphins?", "answer": "Hard to know for sure. Sometimes when people have been depressed for a long time, if their mood normalizes for a little bit, it can feel \u201ceuphoric\u201d just by comparison even though it\u2019s just normal mood. \n\nThe alternative would be sub threshold hypomanic symptoms (you\u2019d need a full seven days and other symptoms along with mood elevation). \n\nYou should discuss it with whoever is prescribing your nortriptyline. And if you stop sleeping or start noticing risky behaviour you should see a doctor right away. May be worth also asking the people in your life what these brief episodes look like from the outside - a doctor will also want to know if there is an objective behaviour change.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7yvwhf", "comment_id": "dujo4d3"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin for ADHD?", "description": "Hey guys, my psychiatrist just Px'd me Wellbutrin for ADHD. I know this is an anti-depressant; however, she assured me that it's secondarily used to treat ADHD. \n\nJust curious if anyone has experience with this? I was no aware that this drug could be used. Any insight is appreciated! Thanks! ", "answer": "It is sometimes prescribed off label for ADHD and some people do well with it. I\u2019ve been on Wellbutrin for years for my depression and don\u2019t find that it helps much with my particular brand of ADHD.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a3htqy", "comment_id": "eb6bf9m"}, {"question": "Anyone here successfully working in medicine?", "description": "I have ADHD-PI. I want to be a doctor (psych, neuro, ortho, or trauma/ER). I'd be getting my nursing degree as my undergrad so I can be a nurse if I don't get into med school so this is for you nurses too.\n\nI just want to know if this is a career choice that ADHD people can thrive in or if I'll drown. I'm okay with the years of schooling, I actually like school. Do you think you had a harder time in school than people with ADHD in other fields? Do you regret anything?", "answer": "I'm not in the medical field per se but I do work as a licensed mental health therapist. I won't speak to the specifics of the medical side of things but I'll share pointers that helped me out. \n\nThe biggest thing for me was having some way to centralize everything. Whether it's your phone, a planner, a notebook, etc., it really helped me to have one place to put everything down. Everything. To do lists, reminders, notes, all that. I have ideas for helpful iPhone-specific apps if you have one. \n\nUse the counseling/disability/tutoring services at your school. They're often very good at helping you come up with strategies to help. \n\nFor me, at least, the Pomodoro Technique has been a lifesaver. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "3cwueh", "comment_id": "cszpr3y"}, {"question": "I (25/f) have various problematic personality issues that are causing me to question my relationship of 7 years with my boyfriend (25/f) - and I'd like to change.", "description": "I'm going to preface this by saying that I am a deeply imperfect person in many ways, and while I am usually a really good friend (loyal, caring) I make a terrible, awful girlfriend / romantic partner.  \n\nMy boyfriend and I began dating when we were 18, right after highschool finished. We had a rocky start (I didn't tell my parents about the relationship for 2 years because they were quite against me dating for other reasons - they are fine with it now and love my current boyfriend) which caused a few issues between us, and eventually led us to break up for a very short period. We always got back together and have been together for 7 years now. \n\nOver the last 7 years, we've had some relationship issues but we have always gotten through them. However, I have never really been completely honest about the fact that during the last 7 years, I have indulged in what most would consider 'emotional affairs' - no sexting or anything physical, but friendships with guys which definitely pushed boundaries where long, emotional conversations were involved and 'subtle' flirting. During each of these emotional affairs (there has been 4 in total) i've questioned my relationship with my boyfriend as i was having 'crush like' feelings for these guys and knew they would probably be physical with me if I gave them the opportunity. All those emotional affairs usually ended when they realised I was never leaving my boyfriend and then my boyfriend and I would go back to normal. \n\nIn the last few months I have been going to therapy and realised that I have depression and may have something called 'histrionic personality disorder' (not that it excuses my shitty behaviour) which may explain some of what has been going on. In my mind I know i love my boyfriend. I don't want to be with anyone else. I think he is funny, attractive, caring, not jealous or paranoid..essentially the perfect guy. He has a video game addiction that has made him really slow with finishing college, but really thats one of his only (few) flaws. Our sex life is...not great. I feel my sexual attraction to him has waned over the years. I feel as if I need the validation and attention from new guys constantly. These short flings with other guys make me feel excited and happy. The weird thing is, I lived overseas for college for 2 years where I felt professionally really fulfilled and the emotional affairs stopped. I had none while overseas, away from my boyfriend. Now that i've returned home to a much smaller job market, the intense emotional affairs have started up again and this time I made the horrible decision to kiss one of them. I am not going to tell my boyfriend that I kissed another guy because it would plainly destroy him and I don't think one kiss is worth the emotional turmoil it would put him through. Yes, I know this is an awful thing to do, but the decision has been made. \n\nMy question basically is - what can I do to really change? Therapy has made me aware of my actions and feelings, but not enough to explicitly change them. When I drink or smoke pot, I am even more susceptible to the behaviour. I still dress provocatively and use my appearance (i'm fairly attractive) to get attention from the opposite sex. I have a really bubbly personality and a pretty good sense of humour, so guys feel quite comfortable around me. I still get a dopamine rush when I get attention from someone of the opposite sex, and always end up following it up despite myself. I want to change for my boyfriend. I want to become a better person and I don't want to be this way - but how do I change something that seems so deeply rooted in my personality? I've noticed the same personality issues with my father, who has had two emotional affairs with other women during his marriage to my mother. They are still together. I don't want to become him, and I certainly don't want to marry my boyfriend only to continue to do this shit to him. My options are to end what he essentially thinks is a perfectly happy relationship, continue living with a lie and really try and change for the future, or just accept I should never be in a long term relationship. I would like to know how to do the second option, and if it's impossible, how to explain to my boyfriend what kind of person I really am without making him feel as if he has lived a lie for 7 years. I want him to get out of this as unscathed as possible.  \n\nPlease help. If you have been through something like this, any advice would be appreciated.  ", "answer": "do you have a therapist?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66h3a0", "comment_id": "dgihta6"}, {"question": "How do deal with best friend's [25/F] boyfriend [26?/M] of four years that I can't stand...", "description": "Hi all! Throwaway as my main is pretty easy to identify and I know he's a redditor. \n\nSo here's the story: my best friend is amazing. We met in college and have been there for each other through a lot. I [25/F] have PTSD and she's stood by my side as other friends have fallen away. She introduced me to my BF [28/M] who I've been with for 4.5 years and who is the light of my life. \n\nHer BF, however, is a different story. I want to like him and sometimes I do, but I can't help but think there is something wrong going on with their relationship and it makes it hard for me to be around him. \n\nThey've been together for a while and when they first started dating he showed a lot of red flags: leaving her on the streets alone after a heaving night of drinking and fighting, calling her names, mocking her personal beliefs, and once proclaiming that although he's never cheated on her he cheated on all his past gfs. He's generally funny and she seems to be in love with him, but once, while ranting about issues with our respective BFs I got the sense that it was common for him to lie about who he sees and what he does when he goes out. She once caught him with a girl on his lap at a bar... \n\nThis alone would probably make any best friend upset, but I've had personal interactions with him that really drive it home for me. Because of my mental illness I rarely drink and if I do it's just one beer/cocktail. One. No more, no less. She knows this. Their lifestyle includes a lot of drinking so on the rare occasion we go to a double date, there's a lot of drinks going around except me. Several times now he's secretly bought us all shots and when I didn't want to take mine he threw a fit. Most recently he did it to just my BF and he was upset, but agreed to take it because he had already spent the cash and he felt obligated. Another time they took us out to dinner, their treat, and he bought me a cocktail I barely touched and literally threw a fit and wouldn't let us leave until it was finished (my friend gulped it down who was clearly uncomfortable). \n\nWhat the fuck is this? To me, it's scary because he triggers my PTSD which was caused by men who wouldn't take \"no\", fighting, and being completely unconscious as a sign to leave me the fuck alone and his tantrums and boundary-crossing makes it literally impossible for me to be around him. I want to say something, but I feel like I had my chance way back when they started dating (and I did voice concern, but it never went anywhere). He also pays 90% of their bills (he's well off) and I know that is another form of control. She seems to be thriving and confident about life and maybe it's my own pathology that is triggered by him, but I'm tired of coming up with excuses on why I never want to hang with both of them together. \n\nTL;DR Best friend's BF shows serious signs of control issues and is emotionally abusive. I want to be there for her, but I can't stand to be around him and I'm tired of coming up with excuses. ", "answer": "What do you see as your options?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar6pc", "comment_id": "dhgpymq"}, {"question": "How to ask SO for attention without nagging?", "description": "So ive been with my boyfriend about 6 months and during honeymoon we were literally on fire. It has understandably tapered off a bit and he apologises for the lack of sex but i tell him thats not what im needing. I just want affection and his attention sometimes. \n\nIm looking for more conversation and cuddles and eye contact. One on one stuff. I dont want to come across as needy or whining for it. \n\nWhat do you think is the most reasonable way to approach this?", "answer": "decide how much attention you need. if he can't respond, you're likely not compatible. every relationship has different proportions of time alone vs time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wylum", "comment_id": "dmbqug2"}, {"question": "Don't know where to find help", "description": "I went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. Things aren't the same for me anymore. Thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and I feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. I don't know who to talk or go to anymore. I don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility I have it... but Im also really scared that it is what I have. I also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. Basically I don't know what else do to do or where to go from but I feel like I cant carry on this way :(. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "When you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean?  Are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country?  \n  \nFeel free to private message me.  I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I can offer you some advice if you would like.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "cinqhw8"}, {"question": "Is it ever the right choice to stay with someone for the sake of not hurting them?", "description": "I am a male (23) and I recently broke up with my girlfriend (23) of just over 3 years because I began to realize that at my age, my focus is just elsewhere - that being my work. She is an amazing girl and I truly love her to death but I just felt I was being unfair to her by staying with her even though my mind is constantly elsewhere. I knew that if we broke up it would kill her so I never pulled the trigger until the other day. I honestly feel liberated but it hurts me knowing the pain I am causing her - so much so that I question if this was the right choice. She is the perfect girl for me in many ways but I can't be the boyfriend she deserves at this time in my life. I know that I can love her again once my life is in order but I didn't want to deprive myself of certain life experiences by maintaining a relationship essentially \"on hold\" and I didn't want to deprive her of a fulfilling relationship she deserves. \n\nI hope one day down the line we can work things out again but I'm worried the pain I am causing her might be too much.\n\nSo I ask, is it ever the right choice to stay with someone for the sake of not hurting them?\n\nIn my case so that we can have a future together, even if in present time and foreseeable our relationship is not exactly healthy.", "answer": "only if you're mother teresa. you're entitled to be a total altruist if you choose. but most are not self sacrificing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6koujm", "comment_id": "djns9vs"}, {"question": "My (20M) GF (17F) hasn't got a lot of time for me and refuses to make it. What do you think?", "description": "The title is a bit concise.\nMy girlfriend and i are both in our first relationship, everything is great when we're together, i love her dearly and she loves me too. But for some reason she cannot make time for me, she goes to college, has a job, couple of friends and she plays sports at a fairly high level. \nI have no problem with any of those intrinsically, because i think its great she has a lot of things going on. Problem is, when scheduling stuff to do, she seems to forget me. I have brought this up several times and she promised to better herself, but now she's gone out again and i'm alone writing this.\nDoes anyone have any advice? Any questions i should ask myself? Thanks in advance!\nEdit; gf is 18, almost 19.", "answer": "she simply has different needs than you at the moment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39vw", "comment_id": "dmkcgzm"}, {"question": "Hi DOCTORS,", "description": "I am 22 years female\nHeight-156cm\nWeight-54.3\nhaemoglobin-10.3\nPCV-33.4\nMCV-70.0\nMCH-21.5\nMCHC-30.8\nBody fat-32.2%\nTOTAL RBC COUNT-4.77\nTOAL CHOLESTEROL-142.4\n\nI feel tired very often,Doctor suggesed me to take Good food,may I know Shall I need to take any medicines or what kind of food will help my condition?", "answer": "Given your blood results, id also be saying good nutrition and exercise is in order only. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75vfaw", "comment_id": "do9npah"}, {"question": "Scared to run into abusive ex", "description": "About a year ago I was romantically involved with a guy who was horrible to me. He was never physically violent, but would manipulate, lie, threaten suicide, make me feel responsible for his mistreatment of me.\n\nIt's over now, but I'm still working through a lot of the trauma.\n\nI recently found out that a close friend of his will be performing at an event where I have work featured. I don't know for sure if he will be there, but even if he isn't I'm scared his friend might be nasty to me, and if he is there I think I might have a full blown panic attack. I haven't seen him since we broke up.\n\nHas anyone dealt with this type of situation? How can I go to this event and keep myself safe even if I do see him?", "answer": "If you choose to go make sure you have a lot of friends that are beside you all the time", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdnaj", "comment_id": "de99pqe"}, {"question": "Does medical grade (clean) THC oil transfer to breast milk? And if so, how will it effect my baby?", "description": "I\u2019m a bit of an anxious person as is. My baby is 4 months old. I breast feed and formula feed. A good friend of mine has a baby and has been using THC oil almost daily since her baby was 3 months old (she breastfeeds). She claims that she has done several drug screens of her breast milk and they have all been negative. She also claims it\u2019s perfectly safe and has no effect on her baby. For what it\u2019s worth, her 1 year old is extremely intelligent, independent and talkative. \nWould it be safe for me to try this? Maybe not daily, but once in a while?\nWill it transfer to my breast milk? If so, for how long? Will it effect my child and if so, how?", "answer": "u/highrhymes has given good advice here, but I'll chime in and agree. There's very limited data on THC exposure in children, particularly infrequent rather heavy use. That said, everything we know points to THC being not good for neurological development in adolescents, and there's no reason to think it would be better for infants.\n\nMy advice, similarly, would be to completely avoid THC. It's possible that the amount transmitted in breast milk is low enough and that there  is a threshold below which it has no effect, but we don't know that. It may be safe. It probably is mostly safe, most of the time. But it's a completely avoidable risk, so why not avoid it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b12n8f", "comment_id": "eiixzzb"}, {"question": "What\u2019s Up Wednesday", "description": "It\u2019s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your good, your bad, and your ugly (or your pretty, or your future, or whatever else is on your mind) with us below!\n\n-----------------------------------------\n\n**The Good:** I have always been in such dread of the impending winter gloom that I have never fully appreciated autumn. This year, for some reason, I am loving it. Perhaps seeing the leaves turn so beautifully in the Adirondack Mountains has finally made me appreciate the loveliness of fall. \n\n**The Bad:** I\u2019m working so hard at various editorial projects that I haven\u2019t really had any time to relax. (When you\u2019re a freelancer, it\u2019s only ever feast or famine.)\n\n**The Funny:** [This is how I feel on some days.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/d8m333/hopelessness/)", "answer": "The Good: I'm on Day 65 and feeling mighty proud of it.  The weather here has finally dropped below the 100s.  I've got an exercise class tonight that I'm looking forward to.\n\nThe Bad: I've had a pretty draining past couple of days.  I'm hoping today is a bit more relaxed.\n\nThe Future:  I am going to treat myself to something on Day 75!  Not sure what yet, perhaps a new dress.  :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dc4fub", "comment_id": "f270z5r"}, {"question": "Sertraline to Treat PE", "description": "32/M.  5'10\" 190 lbs.\n\nMarked NSFW just in case.\n\nI have been suffering from PE for the last few years of my marriage.  I have been with my wife for 10+ years and I do not remember when exactly the issue started but it is a problem every time we are intimate.  I have tried several different behavioral methods to combat the issue but to no avail.  My wife says it is not a problem but it affects me greatly because I feel that we are not getting the full satisfaction out of intercourse.\n\nI recently started seeing sponsored ads for Roman on my social media and saw that they offer solutions for premature ejaculation.  I was intrigued and the price for medication seemed fair.  I went ahead and took their 25+ question questionaire and I was recommended 25mg of Sertraline.  \n\nI looked into the medication and saw that it is the generic of Zoloft.  I did not sign up for the service yet and simply saved my info for later if I would like to move forward.\n\nWhat risks would I be running by taking this medication?  I do not suffer from depression and it worried me that this is an anti-depressant.  On the flip side, the PE is negatively affecting my life and the physical connection I have with my spouse.", "answer": "Antidepressants won't have much effect on your mood if you're not depressed. Sertraline has a pretty benign side effect profile. There's sometimes weight gain, but not more than placebo. There can be GI side effects (nausea, diarrhea) or headache, but again, they tend to be mild and go away. The most common side effects of sertraline are sexual, which of course is the whole point in your case.\n\nBut \"might be\" is still not definite. Delayed orgasm is common and would be helpful. Loss of libido can also happen and is less helpful. Still, those effects end when you stop taking the medication. It's worth talking with a doctor about it. The use is definitely off-label, but it's low risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9xhhph", "comment_id": "e9seuqm"}, {"question": "Is Curcumin safe to take with antidepressants?", "description": "I take Mirtazapine 45 mg and Wellbutrin 300 mg for depression, Apriso 1500 mg for colitis, Levothyroxine 75 mg for hypothyroidism. White 25 y/o male, 5'7\" 142 lbs. I'm paranoid about things like serotonin syndrome (I'm a bit of a hypochondriac)", "answer": "Serotonin syndrome is the wrong worry: bupropion (Wellbutrin) is not serotonergic, and mirtazapine (Remeron) is actually a serotonin antagonist. Neither has been associated with any cases of serotonin syndrome as far as I know.\n\nHowever, curcumin probably does inhibit several cytochrome P450 enzymes, which are needed to break down many medications. Because of that, it could raise the effective dose of mirtazapine and especially Wellbutrin. But that's a could, and I don't know whether the effect would be clinically significant.\n\nStill, unless you have a very good reason to take curcumin, it's a supplement with no evidence that it is particularly helpful for anything, and raising Wellbutrin levels runs the risk of causing seizures. I would recommend against it curcumin.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aoa7m4", "comment_id": "efzdqiq"}, {"question": "What are some definite signs it's not going anywhere?", "description": "I met my current boyfriend 11 months ago. Initially he did not want to be exclusive and I forced the issue for awhile until I gave up and left him for approximately a week. He came back to me wanting to start an exclusive relationship. \n\nIn June 2016 we became exclusive and slowly progressed. He wanted to take things extremely slow. There are certain aspects of my relationship that scream progression.  He wants to meet my family. Yet I feel used. \n\nI feel like he comes in and out of my apartment. Lives freely without the intent to make me more. I feel like I'm just someone he is with in the meantime. I feel that our relationship is simply him having a good time. \n", "answer": "if it's defined as exclusive, he should be paying more attention. rule of thumb:: if you want to be married and there's no plan after a year, it's likely never to happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdi9", "comment_id": "dc60lqk"}, {"question": "Brain Lesions !", "description": "Age : 50\nWeight :52 KG\nLocation of the Complaint:The Brain\nDuration of the complaint : 4 Months\nPast/Current Medical History : Blood Pressure\nCurrent Meds : Seroxate , Cervitam , Stroka ,Asprin \n\n1-Can Brain Ischemia Cause Lesions in the brain???\n\n2-what is the difference in Eye Damage Between Brain-Ischemia and MS?", "answer": "Yes, ischemia causes lesions\u2014that's a stroke. Hypoxia, which is general lack of oxygen rather than a part of the brain that doesn't get enough blood, also produces fairly characteristic lesions on imaging.\n\nNeither brain ischemia nor MS affect the eye directly but can affect the visual cortex or optic nerve, respectively. The patterns are different. Ischemia shows up in patterns based on bloodflow and has a characteristic appearance; MS produces demyelination of white matter.\n\nThe clinical presentation\u2014the symptoms and the timing of them\u2014is usually, though not always, different.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a3p2r", "comment_id": "e4sk6qf"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "I live in Canada (province of Ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,\n\nis this too expensive?\n\nshe practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees\n\nhow much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "There is no too much or little. Any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "e5a64it"}, {"question": "Having a panic attack.. help", "description": "TMI warning: so today I had diarrhea and now I\u2019m having a panic attack because I\u2019m worried that I\u2019m sick. I\u2019ve had a rough week so it could be from anxiety but idk. I\u2019m also dairy intolerant and I had cheese today but I don\u2019t normaly get it this bad when I have dairy. My stomach doesn\u2019t hurt, I don\u2019t feel sick, I\u2019m not cold or pale but I\u2019m still incredibly anxious. I\u2019m really scared someone help me.  Idk what to do", "answer": "Hey there! How are you feeling today?", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ao0ixt", "comment_id": "eg0m7v0"}, {"question": "BPD Survival Kit", "description": "Things have not been going well for me lately.  I've taken the next week off as stress leave and I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation.  I'd like to make myself an \"emergency\" kit of sorts to get me through. When I'm having a really bad day, it's something I can come to for a bit of help.  I also recognize that this may have to be replenished frequently. \n\nDoes anyone have one of these? What do you keep in it?  Do you have any ideas of what I should put into mine?  I was thinking of making one for a friend at the same time.", "answer": "Notebook or some way to get your feelings out of your head and somewhere else. \n\nNecessities! That means anything you need to eat, sleep, breathe, drink (water).\n\nComfort! Shoes, clothes, and comfort objects. And stuff that's personal- a blanket, baby pillow, scarf, extra poofy jacket to hide in, warmth you get the picture.\n\nDistrations. Music is huge. A portable gaming machine. A book (happy books or ones that make you think just not about bad emotions. I love mystery and Sci fi ). A rubix cube. Sudoku. ANYTHING you might find helpful to zone out for a bit\n\nKnow where the exits are. Know where the bathrooms are. Wherever you go, go with the knowledge that safety and support is a phone call away - whether it be a family member, a friend, a loved one, a therapist or counselor or even priest. \n\nPictures of things  that make you happy. Animals. Your pets. Friends. Food. \n\nExercise every morning! It will help you get out of a funk and alter your mindset.\n\nIf I think of more il add them. This has helped me immensely", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2lu90i", "comment_id": "clyd4cx"}, {"question": "[28M] New girlfriend", "description": "Hey, I just got into this new relationship for about a month and half now.. she's really awesome.  She told me everything about her past which was quite a lot for me to deal with as I'm quite a \"conservative guy\" however we have had unprotected sex about 2 weeks into our relationship (which was really dumb of me).  In the first week of dating her she told me she was with this guy right before we met but she broke it off before we went on our 2nd date.. so from what I understand now (a month down the line), she didn't use protection when having sex with him.. she told me about this which I really didn't like (for the simple reason I don't really enjoy knowing what she was up to with other guys).. anyway she said to me she had a pregnancy scare the other day (from this other guy).  I want her to take a pregnancy test just to make 100% sure.  I've also now gone for an HIV test just to make sure I'm ok.. anyway I'm not sure if this relationship is worth perusing?  I do really like her, I mean I love her but there seems to be problems with all this unprotected sex shit.. the problems are from both my side and hers.. anyway is it worth talking to her about all this or should I just let it play out?  Sorry I feel like a total idiot posting this story, I was really stupid.  If I can get any advice on what to do that would be great, my mind is going crazy..\n\nTL;DR:  She had unprotected sex before we started our relationship, I then had unprotected sex with her.  She got a pregnancy scare from sex with this other guy.  Now I'm worried I might have a disease such as HIV and that she might be pregnant.\n\nPS: I'm an idiot.", "answer": "Protection 101: Get tested regularly for the whole range of STDs, use condoms until you both commit to being in an exclusive relationship, get tested, then figure out contraception going forward by talking about it.  \n\nYour approach: \"10 days in, unprotected sex, This is going amazing.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "708z0o", "comment_id": "dn1dk4i"}, {"question": "New to this sub, looking for support/feedback regarding moderation vs. abstinence? navigating relationships?", "description": "Oof.  I am struggling with the idea that I'm hitting a point that I'm posting here.\n\nAbout me.. I'm in my early 30s.. and I think I have a drinking problem. \n\nI've suffered from anxiety pretty much all my life.  I also had a brief stint with an eating disorder.  And as of today I'm feeling like I've hit the, \"I need to control my drinking\" point just one too many times.  \nEver since I've started drinking, I've periodically (once every couple months) had binge drinking episodes that lead to really bad life decisions.  I often just attributed it to college and partying with everyone else. \nYet, if I look back, there are too many times that I was arguably the most drunk.  A NYE that I puked before midnight.  A party that I punched my friend because she wouldn't let me go for a walk alone. Just feeling embarrassed the next day because I was the drunk one. \nMore recently this has lead to significant issues in my relationships.  I'm a pretty sensitive and emotional person, and when I get drunk, all of that gets amplified times 3.  I've been with my partner for over a year and I love him to bits. But he says when I'm drunk I act like I hate him.  This weekend he had his aha moment where he realized he is afraid of me when I'm drunk, because I hurt him emotionally when I'm drunk.  I pick fights. I push him away.  He's basically said that he's not sure our relationship will make it if I don't get a handle on my drinking. \nI think in his mind he's thinking I can go to moderation.  I want him to be right.  I know a lot of times I really can control my drinking.  Yet, I'm scared.  I'm scared because I have said I would cut back so many times and haven't. \nI'm also scared because my partner and all his friends and family drink pretty regularly, so I'm not sure what will happen if I decide I can't drink at all. \nRight now I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.\nSadly I also kind of want to go home from work and have a drink.  I just want to make it all go away. ", "answer": "Follow up--how do I deal with the giant wall that is up in my relationship due to the poor decision making from this weekend?  It makes me feel so alone and scared and hopeless.  He's trying really hard to be supportive, but also drawing a hard line in the stand and being intentionally blunt about the problem.  \nI just want to sit here and cry all day.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43pf6s", "comment_id": "czk4tim"}, {"question": "Can a nodule biopsy also be used to identify multiple sclerosis?", "description": "​\n\n* Age\n\n23\n\n* Sex\n\nFemale\n\n* Height\n\n5,1\n\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any)\n\nHas chronic low pressure and faints/gets nauseated easily, frequent small spasms in the face and hands, had severe anemia as a child.   \n\n\n  \nSo, a female relative of mine discovered that she has a nodule in her neck, hopefully it won't be cancer (the chances are slim, they are there but fortunately they are slim), but her next step is probably going to be having biopsy on the nodule, to examinate it further.     \n\n\nMy question is really simple and specific, if i wanted to know if she possibly has multiple sclerosis, would a biopsy done on that nodule show that?  I read somewhere that to confirm multiple sclerosis, a biopsy has to be made, but maybe in another part of the body.    \n", "answer": "No, a node biopsy isn't helpful for diagnosing MS. A biopsy of a central nervous system lesion can be helpful, but they're usually not done because the diagnosis can be made based on imaging and symptoms and a brain or spine biopsy is high risk while not actually helping that much with making the diagnosis.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "auat6a", "comment_id": "eh6trnw"}, {"question": "Non-TCA antidepressants that won't cause headaches?", "description": "31F, 5'3, 180lbs. - medications: sertraline, amoxicillin, nexplanon - non-smoker - medical issues: depression, anxiety, adhd, carp skin condition - duration of complaint: headaches started 3 years ago. \n\n​\n\nI've been on sertraline for years. I recently figured out that it is what has been giving me headaches. Migraine with aura and nausea. Every week 3-7 days a week.\n\nI talked to my doctor who prescribed amitriptyline. I had a very bad reaction to it. Literal falling asleep at the wheel on the low starter dose they had me on. It didn't get any better when they halved that dosage. I was told to stop taking that and take citalopram. Headaches started up on day 2 of the low starter dose. The doctor has given up already I assume as she put me back on a low dose of sertraline.\n\nAny advice on what to suggest is appreciated. I'm not ok without antidepressants but if I have to live in pain for the rest of my life I don't know what I'll do.", "answer": "Amitriptyline is one of the more sedating TCAs. Nortriptyline is generally more tolerable, as are several others. At true antidepressant doses they tend to have side effects more often than newer classes of antidepressant.\n\nVenlafaxine (Effexor) is an SNRI that can be used to prevent migraines, so I would not expect it to cause them. It\u2019s also activating rather than sedating.\n\nBupropion (Wellbutrin) works through different mechanisms than other antidepressants. It\u2019s not sedating and not associated with migraines.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "epohkt", "comment_id": "fektytq"}, {"question": "Cinco de May, or Dia De Tequila is 126 for me. Tomorrow is 127, my next Prime", "description": "I am staying in today and turtling.  I hear the hoots and hollers.  I witnessed the streets being blocked off for the mariachis and cervesa / tequila vendors. I literally hear sirens blaring through my open window. This is almost as big as St. Patrick's day here in Northern California. \n\nWhat I am dreading tomorrow, Monday, is seeing all the \"I reset my badge\" or \"I need to reset my badge\", or \"I effed up this weekend\"... I have been seeing this trend every Monday.  It is disheartening. \n\nStay strong everyone.  Please.  We can do this.  No regrets with a salt and lime chaser.\n\nI'll post tomorrow on my next prime.  I have good news.  Thanks. ", "answer": "I drunkenly pulled a spin move on a cop and then hid in a bush in the rain on this day last year. This year is a night in with the girlfriend. Much better night tonight.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1drcnd", "comment_id": "c9t3ofk"}, {"question": "15M Is it possible I had the coronavirus?", "description": "M, 15, USA, Possibly had coronavirus\n\nI was really sick in mid December with a dry cough and shortness of breath, and a sore throat so bad, i could not speak. A mild fever ensured and I was overall sick for atleast 3 weeks. After attending the doctors office, they concluded i didnt test positive for seasonal flu, nor any other test they offered, including swine flu. Is it possible i had the coronavirus?", "answer": "If you did, you would see many people around you with the same symptoms. I'm assuming you live with your parents?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmyczp", "comment_id": "fl6o3xy"}, {"question": "Because I can't drink at work...", "description": "Because I can't drink at work, any tips for kicking a giant wave of anxiety that suddenly comes over you? I literally cannot get any work done. I usually can muddle through it, asking myself what are some tasks that are bothering me the most that would be helpful to get out of the way, but I feel like I am stuck and just ready to black out. ", "answer": "First off, if you're drinking to manage your anxiety, you really need to cut that down or out completely.  It's only going to make you much more of an anxious person whenever you're not drinking.  I'm not saying you have to stop drinking, but drinking for fun and drinking to cope are two completely separate beasts.  \n\nFor your current state of affairs, try taking a time out, throwing some head phones on and listening to a few of your favorite songs.  Go out for some fresh air for 5-10 minutes when you feel the need.  \n\nMake lists of short fairly easy to accomplish goals in order to see everything you need to get done and make it look a little less overwhelming.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/mental-health-diagnosis-what-you-need-to-know/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6x06yp", "comment_id": "dmc1sgk"}, {"question": "An actually affordable app for anonymous group therapy", "description": "Hi, reddit. I'm the founder of gr\u00fcp, pronounced \"group\". I am fully recovered from my fucking awful mental illnesses, but I wouldn't have been able to do that without group therapy. Here's why group therapy works: \"You control, and are ultimately responsible for, what, how much, and when you tell the group about yourself. Group therapy is often more enriching for some than individual therapy. You can benefit from the group even during sessions when you say little but listen carefully to others. Most people find that they have important things in common with other group members, and as others work on concerns, you can learn much about yourself. Group members may bring up issues that strike a chord with you, which you might not have been aware or of known now to bring up yourself. A natural process or enhanced acceptance of self and others occurs as one learns to relate more honestly and directly with others in the group\" (https://healthandcounseling.unca.edu). Currently, group therapy on average costs $50 per session. One session per week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year, costs $2,400. We are making an app for anonymous group therapy that's as cheap as Spotify premium. Essentially, you'd be able to sign up for chat/audio group therapy led by other users who've gone through whatever you are going through now. Check out our demo on the website and see what other people are saying. We are spreading the word, so give us a like on www.facebook.com/ourgrup to follow our progress. We also welcome feedback, anonymous or not. Just use the bottom part of our website, www.ourgrup.org. Thanks :) - Rayna", "answer": "Hey! This sounds amazing! Can you provide a little bit more detail about who runs these groups? Thank you so much :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3fnqhf", "comment_id": "ctqr6p3"}, {"question": "My [M14] parents have done various extreme & abusive things to me. I'm not sure on what actions to take.", "description": "Long wall of text incoming. Posting from a throwaway due to some details.\n\nI don't know what to put here honestly. First of all I live in the US, to be specific Texas. My parents have acted very abusive towards me before, and have said/done some questionable things to me. While this has somewhat toned down over the past year,I'm still not sure if I'm in a safe environment. I also don't know if I should call something like CPS, since they might treat me worse and the nightmares of the foster care system are extremely worrying to me.\nSome of the events that have happened, things they've said, and things they've done to me:\n\n- I got into an argument with my parents while on a vacation because they had found out I was talking with friends online. They didn't like me talking with online people because of an incident involving my online friends that they didn't approve of. I've had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts before, and talking to people online had helped me calm those thoughts down. I told them that talking to online people helped me with depression and suicidal thoughts I've had before. My dad then goes to the knife drawer in our airbnb, pulls out a fucking knife, points it at me, and asks if\"I want to know how it (referring to suicide) feels like.\" At this point, I'm super scared. I almost call 911 because I feared for my safety, but for some reason I showed them the phone screen with 911on the screen. I don't remember what happened between that but I do remember my mother saying that \"they'll just arrest you instead.\"(something along the lines of that, my memory is a bit fuzzy when it comes to these type of events)\n\n- Back in middle school, I had gotten many detentions since my school had a system in place with demerits and I had acquired too many of them. One day when I had gotten a detention and she had picked me up from school (this wasn't on the day it was assigned),she asked me something along the lines of, \"So what happened today?\"I instantly knew she knew and I was kinda scared so I said nothing.This completely backfired on me since my silence on the situation had made her angrier to the point of completely losing it. She threatened to drop me off on the side of the road and almost followed through with it when she went into a parking lot next to the highway we were taking to go to her workplace, and made me get out. Thankfully she didn't follow through with that completely. When I got back in the car, she was still furious. She works in a hospital work place so she was saying about how she could get a mental institution to take me away or something. Since I was really scared and I didn't know what to do, I pulled out my phone and texted some of my friends, basically pleading for their help. My mom saw me texting and took my phone, and looked through the messages when we got to her work. She saw the messages and told me to tell my friends that I was joking and send the message in front of her... so that's what I did. The next day I go to school, the friends I texted got mad at me and were like \"Why did you lie? I got worried!\" I tried to tell them that I wasn't joking, but they didn't believe me and even started making jokes about it during class. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.\n\n - Another thing that would happen as a result of these detentions would be my dad beating me with a wooden paddle, or my mom beating me with a belt. I remember being so afraid of it and not knowing what to do. I also remember seeing the evil smile on my mom's face when she was beating me one time.\n\n - Adding on to this situation, during one of the beatings I remember that I wanted it audio recorded for some reason. My dad audio recorded it on his phone, and while it's deleted now, I have a feeling it's probably still in a backup somewhere.\n\n- I got caught staying up late and talking to friends (in real life and online). We got in an argument, and they ended up putting a camera in my room. It's one of those Arlo Pro cameras that you can access from your phone, speak through, and record. I've had some weird incidents involving these. One of the incidents that I can remember was when I decided to try out sleeping without clothes,because I was curious as to how it would feel like. My parents saw through the cameras, and my mom stormed up into my room. She very angrily told me that I shouldn't be doing that and called me perverted for wanting to do that. These cameras are still there, and they actively monitor it at times to see if I'm sleeping.\n\n - Adding to the theme of cameras, she's threatened to put a camera in my dorm room if I get low grades in college. I have no idea how this will work, and if it will even work at all. Probably not.\n\n- My mom has gotten mad at me to the point of completely losing it sometimes. One time that I specifically remember was me and her arguing about something in her car, while we were driving back to her workplace. She absolutely lost it, and started erratically driving while saying \"DO YOU WANNA DIE? YOU WANNA DIE?\" It stopped shortly after, but it was an extremely scary moment.\n\n- When I was maybe 7 or 6 (or younger, memory is fuzzy), my mom pretended to call the police on me because I was acting up. Don't know if this is common, just something I'd thought I'd add.\n\n- My parents once tried to have a \"Bible study on Friday\" type of thing. My parents and I got into an argument since I didn't want to participate in it (I'm not religious, they're Christian). I had told them I didn't want to study the Bible at all, and that was when they figured out I was non religious. They proceeded to conclude that I was doing \"bad things\" on my devices and they made me charge my laptop and phone downstairs from that point on, and banned me from using my laptop in my room. It's been a couple of months since that and they've let me keep my stuff in my room now, but that was an interesting situation.\n\n- My dad used to slap my ass as a \"joke.\" He said it was just playing around. The more I look back upon it now, it was super fucking weird.\n\n- My mom believes that you can get AIDS from touching someone's urine, and that you can get vaccines from autism (yet I've still gotten vaccinated. Weird, I know.) We've gotten into arguments into this many times and she's said stuff like \"the CDC lies, you've been brainwashed,\" etc.\n\n- I'm bisexual, and my parents are vehemently against the LGBTQ+ community. I don't know if they're the type to put someone into conversion therapy, but I have gotten some red flags before. My dad once found gay porn on my phone, and confronted me about it in the car ride to school. He had told me that \"if u are gay, I will send you to gay city and the dogs will eat you\" or something along the lines/similar to that (again, my memory is a bit fuzzy on things like this.) I'm worried that if my parents find out about my sexuality then I will either be suppressed from communication or the Internet, or they'll take far more drastic measures that I honestly don't know.\n\nAgain, I honestly am just dumbfounded as to what to do. In terms of contacts, I've talked to my sister about the situation involving the cameras and some other stuff, and we generally agreed that the cameras were overboard. I don't know if I should approach her with this stuff and ask her for advice, considering that I don't know what her beliefs about certain stuff are, and me and her never really socialized much in the years we lived together, and outside of that. I also have a backup phone that I keep on me almost all the time, which has a SIM with a few megabytes of data I can use to send a few messages or call people if something threatening happens. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.", "answer": "Please call CPS. Be assured that their goal is to keep you in your own home but make home safer for you. They only remove kids if they think the situation cannot be improved. Often they will require counseling or parenting classes for your parents. I would definitely encourage you to tell the person who interviews you that you would like to see a counselor. It will give you someone who can support you and help you deal with all the emotions you must be feeling. Stay safe.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "btiwy3", "comment_id": "ep113sx"}, {"question": "Early signs and symptoms of Cervical Cancer: Could my cancerous HPV have gone undetected for years, or was I recently infected?", "description": "25 | F | 5\u20192 | 174 lbs | Hispanic\n\nDuration of the complaint: 3 months\n\nGot my rutinary lab tests read yesterday by my gynaecologist, and the results from the pap smear were HPV positive, with severe inflammation. In 2 weeks, I will have a colposcopy performed, to see if any lesions are present. \n\nI\u2018ve been getting regular pap smears performed at least once a year since the age of 21. Had a full gynaecological check up last November, and doc gave me an A+. \n\nAll had been normal until last May, when I started noticing changes in the smell and consistency of my discharge: watery and abundant, sometimes cloudy/clear, sometimes a faint light brown, and a peculiar smell\u2013 not at all fishy, it had more of a certain chemical smell to it, but it was pretty faint, and would come and go. Absolutely no irritation was present, and nothing strange visible on the skin. \n\nHad my period that month, after which the smell no longer seemed to be present. By the end of July, I started noticing the smell again, but more potent, and even more foul smelling, so I scheduled the full checkup. \n\nThese last few weeks in particular, the amount and smell has been so bad, that I've had to shower and change underwear about twice a day, to make it bareable. \n\nCut to yesterday, when doc told me my diagnosis. He prescribed Metronidazole 500 mg, one pill, twice a day for 7 days.\n\nStarted looking for information on HPV and cervical cancer, and from what I've read, my symptoms seem similar to early signs of cervical cancer. However, to have cervical cancer, it seems I would've had to have HPV for years before it got to that point. Yet, all my pap smears and other lab results before November have been A+. \n\nCould my HPV have gone undetected for years? Or is it possible I have been really recently infected, and it just progressed rapidly? \n\nI asked my doc if there was something else that could've explained the discharge consistency and smell, but he said everything else is in order (no other STI\u2019s, etc.). No significant hormonal imbalance either.", "answer": "The foul-smelling discharge and prescription for metronidazole sound like treatment for bacterial vaginitis, which is unrelated to HPV or cervical cancer. BV isn\u2019t an STI or even really an infection, just an excess of bacteria, which may have been part of a misunderstanding.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw6mc4", "comment_id": "ey8s9zm"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Bibliotherapy. Get as many books as you can on the things that are bothering you most. \n\nSet goals each day to combat your symptoms somehow. Maybe it is keeping a journal to check your thinking, maybe it is going to a PTSD group or online forum, maybe it is meditation. Do something.\n\nAlso, don't give up on therapy options. Look for sliding fee scale clinics. Universities that have mental health training programs usually offer these, and they are open to the public. Look for any university nearby that has a psychology program, social work, marriage and family therapy, or counseling program.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "21t2gl", "comment_id": "cggldbv"}, {"question": "Face masks and panic", "description": "I am having trouble wearing a face mask.  I\u2019ve tried a few different types.  I\u2019m starting to feel like I won\u2019t be able to leave the house until the virus subsided.  \n\nI was assaulted several years ago and it involved being smothered.  I\u2019ve had lots of help since then and I think I do pretty well.  When I put on a face mask I feel like I can\u2019t breathe and I start to panic.  It\u2019s really awful.  \n\nAny advice? I\u2019d really appreciate it.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry you went through that. Take your time. Ease your self in. Start by just holding it near your face, but not touching. Do breathing that calms you. Stay that way as long as you can. If you feel ok doing that you can get closer to your face. As soon as you start feeling uncomfortable try to calm with breath and talking yourself through it (or if you have someone to video chat with can have them help).  Keep practicing till you feel ok. Then move it closer holding it on your face. Same thing, work on calming and reassuring yourself (or again have someone help reassure you that you\u2019re safe and ok). Don\u2019t over do it and only do each stage as long as you\u2019re able to (it\u2019s ok to push your boundaries a little each time).  This can take as long as you need it to.  Keep going until you can put the mask on without holding it. Let it rest there as long as feels ok for you. Breathing and calming techniques will be really helpful as you do each stage (before, during, and after).   \n\nOnce you are able to have it all the way on you can try to do things around your home with it on so you get more used to it in a safe space before trying out of your home. When you want to try out of your home wearing, don\u2019t go far, stay near your place so you\u2019re still near your safe zone.  When you feel ready/if you get to the point of being ready try a short trip somewhere (short trip let\u2019s you have a shorter time out with the mask and you have a planned amount of time that you know you will be able to be back home).  Just remember it\u2019s ok if you find you just can\u2019t do it or if it takes longer than you hope/want. Be kind to yourself and be patient.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geylt6", "comment_id": "fpqwscx"}, {"question": "Understanding a partner who may have had Complex PTSD", "description": "Hi\n\nI'm posting here because I've been trying to understand a bit about my partner (now ex) and her behaviour.  We dated for about 1 year, she's 35F I'm 33M, we lived 1 hour apart. I've tried to seek answers from therapists but they have (reasonably) not wanted to diagnose at a distance but thats a problem because I feel I do need a professional to help make sense of some of her behaviours. \n\nAbout me\n\nI think I'm kind and sensitive but a touch reserved so its possible that my reserved emotional expression contributed to problems.\n\nPossibly relevant facts:\n\n\\- We lived an hour apart which meant we generally only saw each other at the weekend although we talked every day for an hour, the distance was a constantly cited issue for her\n\n\\- She gave me a book on C-PTSD to read - she had a very poor relationship with her mother during early childhood and did seek on/off therapy for it but rejects the label C-PTSD\n\n\\- We went out for most of 2019, broke up for 3 months (by me) got back together in early 2020 and then broke up again recently\n\nBehaviours I'm having trouble explaining:\n\n\\- both times the relationship started off amazingly well but 'arguments' started emerging around 2 themes, initially a perception I may have been having an affair and that she would only know if I rang her every night but more latterly - a sense that if we weren't talking every night then she didn't feel loved. by about month 3 (both times we went out) the arguments were chronic - something I've never experienced in any of my other relationships) with her seeming to get upset and triggered as the relationship wore on they seemed to happen every 3 days and I became totally emotionally exhausted. A similar pattern occurred the second time we dated. \n\n\\- She had a tendency to bombard with text messages during an argument - it was like tsunami sometimes 30-40 messages even if I hadn't had a chance to reply (such as I was at work)\n\n\\- She was very fixated on putting dates and times to everything, getting very anxious (lots of messages) if it wasn't confirmed, even if she sent the message during the night\n\n\\- I did speak to one counsellor one thought she had textbook BPD, I suggested to her  she may have this and I'd support her and she became extremely angry and said she was totally insulted and that BPD people couldn't hold down a job whereas she was in a high profile job (she is)\n\n\\-She constantly said she didn't feel loved - she suggested things to improve it like saying I love you more (we did) , talking about each day (we did - hour + each day) etc but nothing seemed to quite do it for her. \n\n\\- She was fixated on moving on together - she said it was the only way she could form a stable attachment but I resisted because the relationship both times seemed to be declining with frequency of arguments.\n\n​\n\nWhy am I posting?\n\nIt's been a major emotional part of my life (1 year ) and I really care for her but I felt it was a totally toxic relationship. I would like some suggestions to make sense of her behaviour. From my reading (with the caveats I know very little and the terms are not definitive) it seems a mixture of C-PTSD/attachment and issues with emotional regulation.\n\nI'd like to understand a bit more about her (I have asked her directly but the issue changes) in order to get some understanding and at some point some disclosure.\n\nAny insights or advice would be welcome. I really care for her but had to remove myself from the relationship - Why did she behave the way she did? If she's already had therapy how does she move on?", "answer": "\nThis was a major emotional part of your life,  so you are the one who has work to do . If you were hurt , overwhelmed,  or exhausted in this relationship,  you can work on this in therapy.\n\nLike other therapists you have talked to , I don't understand what you will get out of understanding her behavior. Even with a perfect,  spot-on diagnosis,  you felt your boundaries were violated and you felt the relationship was toxic . That is the end of her involvement. \n\nLots of patients discuss important others in their lives,  that is fine. The problem is that you can only work on the person IN THE THERAPY ROOM. Anything else is not a good use of time or energy.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpcn44", "comment_id": "frlvgzt"}, {"question": "Sponsor and Lord's Prayer plus bonus question, what is the the definition of The Fellowship to you?", "description": "I'm only 35 days clean, so a newbie... I had a \"high bottom\" if you will - started recovery before things got really bad because I saw the writing on the wall. A couple questions...\n\nMy sponsor and I started working together and she is literally reading the big book to me aloud, line by line, having me highlight and make margin notes exactly where her sponsor had her do it. We have gotten through the forwards in the 4th edition :-/\n\nIs this typical of sponsorship? I know a sponsor typically takes sponsees through the steps as they were but this method doesn't feel very useful. Have any of you had a sponsor do it in a different way?\n\nBigger question, we open our sessions with a prayer. The opening prayer is one that isn't related to a specific religion (I think it's made up) and I am comfortable reciting this prayer. We close with the Lord's Prayer. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I plan to discuss this with her but can I get some feedback on this? I am bothered because it's from a religious text and I have some trauma from a previous Christian experience. AA is not supposed to be religious so I am not sure why I should be asked to recite it.\n\nFinally, what does The Fellowship mean to you? My sponsor said it's the group of members and the sober activities done outside of meetings. Really? \n\nShe only has a year of sobriety and is still working on step 9 with her sponsor. Maybe I should find a new sponsor?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I worked with a sponsor in a different 12 step fellowship where I read the step alone, answered questions in a workbook, then talked with her to review my answers and ask any questions I had about anything I read. Later i worked the steps again, this time in AA and with a different sponsor, in the way you are doing - reading the big book out loud together and stopping to discuss and take notes exactly as her sponsor had done with her. After doing both I found the second method to be far superior in terms of helping me really \"get\" the big book. It's an older text from a different time and I would have missed a lot just reading on my own. \n\nI don't say the Lord's prayer, and I don't think anyone should have to if they don't want to. I disagree with the meetings that use it but I recognize their freedom to choose that if they wish.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "7y3h5a", "comment_id": "dude01t"}, {"question": "One sided relationship", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for two months now. She's far more attractive than myself, and we're very similar, to a point where we finish each other's sentences. I want it to work so bad for these reasons, which is why I work so hard to continue it. I write her love letters randomly. I send random texts telling her how beautiful she is, or how much I care for her. I give her my very best advice when she texts me about her issues. I initiate all things physical to relive her if the stress of doing so. I bring her gifts often, and I cancel plans to be with her. She on the other hand doesn't do any of this ever in return. No letters, no out of the blue texts, she changes the subject when I bring up problems, Christmas is the only time she's gotten me a gift, never has she just kissed me, and she reschedules plans with me often. Is this normal, or am I in a one sided relationship?    ", "answer": "yes", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rrh9p", "comment_id": "dd9kt86"}, {"question": "About my date to your wedding...", "description": "Dear sis, \n\nI had a lovely time at your wedding. The choice of Long Islands for your 'Recommended drink' at the open bar ensured that everyone had a drunken blast, especially after the bottles of wine that we killed. When the DJ started playing 'Africa' by Toto and the Maid of Honor literally howled (like a wolf) in excitement, I knew this was a treat. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect time, it was fantastic.... but I need to talk to you about my date, Rebecca. \n\nI know. Please, don't interrupt, sis. You've told me a number of times already. \"You don't need to find another girl, Greg,\" you said to me with a slight slur on St. Patrick's Day. Your husband helpfully added: \"Put a ring on it, Greg. You don't need to look anymore.\" All of your friends adore her, as they've told me like a billion times. \n\nAnd yes. Rebecca IS a keeper. She's absolutely drop dead gorgeous; her curves run into that perfect hourglass shape that you see on models. And the best part? She fucking rocks. She has the most inappropriately vulgar sense of humor that, well, to be honest, matches with mine perfectly. She has a deep throated laugh that infects a room and seems completely unbecoming of such a beautiful and petite dirty blonde. All in all, you're right. She is pretty perfect for me. \n\nExcept, there's this one little thing. \n\nShe's a lesbian, sis. \n\nI know. She told the best man that \"We had been secretly dating for three years.\" Sis, she was HAMMERED. Like, absolutely smashed. We had shared a bottle of wine between the two of us, not counting those long islands... she always was a bit mischievous. And I thought it was hilarious at the time... but not anymore. The family keeps asking me about her sis and so do your friends. And I'm sorry but it's not funny now. It's just sad.\n\nYou see the other thing? I do love her. I absolutely love the shit out of her. I love spending time with her and talking to her. I love drinking with her, and watching TV with her. When I'm with her, it's like the empty puzzle pieces in my brain are filled in with fuzzy spots of happy. We match. \n\nThat's how it is, sis. I'm sorry. She fills all my gaps but I can't ever fill hers. Please stop asking about her. Some things are better left alone. \n\nWith love, \n\nYour brother", "answer": "Ouch.  That's the worst.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1oko5e", "comment_id": "cctalyc"}, {"question": "Does my beard pattern indicate Kleinfelter Syndrom?", "description": "Hi. I am 27, white, and have some symptoms consistent with Kleinfelter. I read somewhere that I cannot remember that Kleinfelter makes beard around month and thin less feasable. Well I let my beard grow and it looks very beardless in those places. I am from Boise. Height is 6 feet 1. Weight like 160 lbs.\n\u200bhttps://imgur.com/a/0YDOpJw", "answer": "Klinefelter syndrome can range from completely without symptoms to significant. Lower height would be one of the most common; being 6'1\" doesn't absolutely rule out Klinefelter, but it's unlikely.\n\nIf you want a definitive answer, a karyotype (counting chromosomes) is straightforward and will give you that answer. I suspect that you do not have Klinefelter syndrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f8ts18", "comment_id": "finu266"}, {"question": "Oh, God! Make it stop.", "description": "I would give up everything, for just moments of peace. Everything and every last bit of my time and energy. For just one second of quiet. ", "answer": "I understand how you feel.  I feel the same way.   Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9nv47g", "comment_id": "e7p6i4w"}, {"question": "Do I stay in this 8 year relationship or not?", "description": "Hey guys, I wanted your advice.\n\nI've been with my BF for almost 8 years now, since high school. I thought he was the love of my life and a genuine all-around good guy. Throughout our relationship we've had good and bad times, but still mainly great times. I love him a lot.\n\nHowever, on our 3rd year anniversary, he confesses that he went into a strip club. Supposedly for only 15 minutes and under the duress of his brother and cousin. Then last year, he caught feelings for his co-worker. Someone he had been bringing around me, acting like they were friends when really they were both emotionally cheating on their significant others (this girl also had a BF). This all accumulated into him kissing her and supposedly suddenly realizing he only wanted me.\n\nThen this last December, before Christmas, I found Facebook messages between my BF and his cousin's GF. Turns out they caught feelings for each other and had been messaging each other like crazy. But supposedly they \"loved\" their BF/GF so much that they were just going to pretend like things never happened.  ", "answer": "it's hard to stay together when you start young. he sounds not ready to settle down.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdqx", "comment_id": "dc60gx0"}, {"question": "If I recently tried to OD on acetaminophen can I take it for period pain?", "description": "I took 2500mg last Friday but then I panicked and didn\u2019t go through with it. I induced vomiting and was suffering from stomach pain and my menstrual cramps after were worse than normal. Is it safe to take one tablet for it?\n\n5\u20195\u201d, 151 pounds and 18F\n\nMedical history: bipolar disorder, mild brain damage due to suffocation at 11, nut and dairy allergy ", "answer": "This is not quite the question you asked, but have you spoken to your doctor about the overdose?  I'm not sure if this is a new thing for you, or something that has happened before, but it sounds like you may also need some support around your mood?  Apologies if you have already taken care of this, just wanted to put it out there.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pfbfv", "comment_id": "e0bps69"}, {"question": "Thought this day would never come!", "description": "I told myself that on **Day 70** I would treat myself. I won't, I'll treat the children who had to put up with my drunken nonsense! So today I'll nip to the shop on the way home and fill a basket with their favourite things (not too much, mind)\n\nMe? I'll have an early night with a good book and a mug of Horlicks :D", "answer": "Go you. Booze is so far from the treats we deserve. I think we are all aware of that....whatever our crazy brains try to tell us sometimes. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9evjxz", "comment_id": "e5rxuso"}, {"question": "Blood test result screenshots, anything to indicate why i feel so fatigued?", "description": "Anything that jumps out at anyone who knows what they're looking at?\n\n22 Y/O Active male whos a healthy weight\n\n[https://gyazo.com/89bb4ffe60827333c38254e5c7bbd4b8](https://gyazo.com/89bb4ffe60827333c38254e5c7bbd4b8)\n\n[https://gyazo.com/685747fea1dc9348482cab8b63c138ad](https://gyazo.com/685747fea1dc9348482cab8b63c138ad)  \n\n\n[https://gyazo.com/988425cab25c9b8e5d9566d4a0820065](https://gyazo.com/988425cab25c9b8e5d9566d4a0820065)", "answer": "It's all normal. Nothing there to explain fatigue.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94221n", "comment_id": "e3ho087"}, {"question": "Confidence issues interfering with sex lifex", "description": "I (F25) have been married to my husband (M25) for a year. \n\nSince our relationship started I have put on weight, I am 5'2\" and almost 160lb. The more weight I put on the less attractive and confident I feel. He has also put on weight (6'5, 300lbs) and I'm not sure if I find him as physically attractive. \n\nThe physical attraction doesn't really bother me too much, I find him sexy in other ways. I also love his squishy belly.\n\nThe issue I have run into is that I feel self conscious being top during sex. To the point of him doing all the work all the time. I feel bad, and ask him if he gets bored. He says he doesn't but I'm not sure. \n\nI want to do my share in taking control in the bedroom. Let him relax and have fun but I just can't. Once I get up there I don't know what to do..\n\nHe has way more experience sexually than I do, and I do feel intimidated by that but there has to be something to help me get over it.\n\nAnyone have advice on how to build confidence in a situation like this? \n\nI feel like a terribly inexperienced, unattractive wife and it's turning me off...", "answer": "To be confident you either have to accept yourself, and thus like yourself, or change in ways that *allow* you to like and accept yourself.  We have no choice; we can only be ourselves....the old us, or the new us.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69c5g8", "comment_id": "dh5gb06"}, {"question": "PhD thesis defense in 6 days, starting to feel sick today", "description": "Hi everyone! I am 28 years old, male, 180 lbs, 6' tall, and non-smoking.\n\nFirst of all, my PhD defense is next Wednesday (in six days). It was extremely difficult to set this time up with my committee members, and it's possible that it's the last opportunity I'll have this semester with all of their travel, as well as coronavirus concerns quickly shutting down several functions at our University. In addition, I have a job lined up to start directly after this semester ends so postponing it another semester is not really an option either. \n\nAnyway, for the last two weeks I have literally locked myself in my house to study and prepare for my defense. I occasionally go to the campus to meet with my advisor, but there no known coronavirus cases in my city. I have been definitely anal about NOT getting sick the last week - I'm washing my hands every 30-60 minutes, taking 6 eccinasia per day, and drinking 2 airbornes every day, because I absolutely could NOT get sick for my defense. Especially considering I just recently got over a cold about 3 weeks ago!\n\nHowever, today I woke up with a cough that won't quite go away, and more mucus in my throat that is coming out yellow. Am I totally screwed? Do I need to plan alternative actions? \n\nIs it possible that I'm either not getting sick, or that it'll be over before next Wednesday, or that I can do anything at all to hold it at bay until after my defense?\n\nTLDR: PhD defense in 6 days, but starting to get sick today, despite being overly cautious after getting over a cold three weeks ago. What do I do?!", "answer": "You follow your countrys advice on your symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhisby", "comment_id": "fkbou7f"}, {"question": "Anyone well-versed or who has experienced mental health issues/struggles/illness?", "description": "Does this sound familiar to anybody?\n\nMy main issue is I totally take things to heart that upset me and I can\u2019t regulate my reactions to it. Issues I\u2019ve gone through like racism, school bullying/exclusion, trauma etc. And although I no longer really \u201cgo through it\u201d ANYTIME I see the issue brought up or reminded of it I get distressed, depressed and suicidal.\n\nI guess I used to cope because I used to be highly confident in my abilities and I genuinely believed that by the time I died, I would have done something influential regarding social justice changes in the world. Once I graduated school, I had my dreams crushed. So I kinda lost my only coping method.\n\nSo now I\u2019m stuck in a paradox where I: get reminded of a cruel reality I can\u2019t change > reminds me of my past, or things happening in the present > I now know I can\u2019t do anything to remedy or fix it and I\u2019m stuck in a world full of shit essentially > get into emotional distress > see no solution or effective coping mechanism > get suicidal > eventually calm down (usually by sleeping/oversleeping) > REPEAT\n\nAny form of conflict with somebody will trigger the same cycle. Even friendly debates trigger me into feeling depressed. No idea why.\n\nI\u2019m seeing a psychiatrist soon for a professional\ndiagnosis but I\u2019m just wondering if people know what this may be and what type of therapy helps it? I\u2019m 18, been slowly getting worse since 12 years old, no history of family abuse that I remember (except harsh words and occasional spanks ig). People have guessed BPD in the past but aside from devaluing, I don\u2019t think I have any issues with relationships or attachments at all. And I internalise everything anyways.", "answer": "You've experience some sort of trauma in your past that still has effects today. None of us here on the internet can diagnose you with anything, but you may have some symptoms similar to PTSD or generalized anxiety. Your psychiatrist will be able to assess you properly, get to know you, and know what the best options are for you. Regardless of diagnosis though, you definitely experienced a lot of harm in the past, and just know that you're not alone in the feelings you're experiencing now. I'm happy you're getting the help you need soon.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e6jz5x", "comment_id": "f9r1p12"}, {"question": "What has wellbutrin done to me?", "description": "This is a rather long story but I need to say it all so you can get my mindset. Back in November 2017, I was having trouble coping with things in my life, so when I went to see my doctor for a refill for my luvox, she increased the dosage (The luvox I've been taking for six years for depression, anxiety and OCD), as well as starting me on wellbutrin. The next few days though, after I started these changes, I became increasingly sad and started having depressing thoughts concerning death and aging. I guess about four days after I started the wellbutrin, this increasing sadness culminated in a full-blown panic attack (The first I've ever had), in which I was convinced I ruined my life, my life was a waste, I had to spend as much time with the people I knew before they died (which felt really soon), that I felt extremely old (I'm 29), my mother was going to pass away very soon (she's 63), and I became just overall absolutely TERRIFIED of death. I had NEVER felt this way towards death and aging in my life. At most, I was disappointed that I didn't look young anymore. That's it. I used to feel like I had all the time in the world, and death seemed so far away, and I handled the passings of friends and family members just how everyone else does. Not anymore after my panic attack.I called up my old counselor and scheduled an appointment. She told me to speak to my doctor. By the time I got around to seeing my doctor again (About a week after I started the wellbutrin), the thoughts had become so intense and debilitating that I had, for the first time, wanted to end my life just to stop the pain. It was that bad. With my doctor's urging, I went to the ER of the hospital next door. There, I met a doctor, who brought me further into the hospital where eventually I met a psychotherapist. She said I was going to have to go to a psychiatric hospital while I felt suicidal (I'm about 99% convinced I would've been committed if I had said no, but that's beside the point).So, I was in the hospital for a couple weeks. No one there diagnosed me with anything or really brought up a solution to my problem of getting rid of those thoughts; they were mainly concerned with helping us patients cope with the events in our lives that brought us there. But for me, of course, it wasn't a life event so much as a pharmaceutical fuck-up. The most anyone did was one of the psychiatrists try starting me on abilify since he didn't want to try another anti-depressant. The abilify gave me energy and made me optimistic, but it did nothing about my thoughts, and I still felt like my life was a waste up to that point. I didn't feel like myself at all. But I did feel hopeful and not suicidal anymore, so I was let go.The next few months were kind of a blur. I had a new energy but I was still haunted by these thoughts. I forget why, but at some point I stopped taking the abilify, and I lost that energy and hopefulness, but the intensity of the thoughts receded. I felt like myself again, with the lessened intensity of the thoughts. It seemed like a good enough trade-off. In February, after being forced to wait over a month because of high demand or whatever, I finally started seeing a psychiatrist as part of the out-patient therapy. My thoughts had gone to the back of my head, since things in my real life were taking precedent. My psychiatrist was helpful with the handling of these matters.But once they were taken care of, I realized I still wasn't happy, I still wasn't hopeful, and I still wasn't  fully myself. Because those thoughts were still there. I told her about this in our last meeting at the end of April, and in hindsight I don't think she quite understood what I was trying to say. She kept talking about how depression and its causes, but what happened to me wasn't really depression-related I dont think. She started me on zoloft and gave me a mild anxiety agent, but after three weeks of taking them, I felt no change at all aside from decreased sex drive.So last week, when I realized what she gave me wasn't working and I still wasn't anywhere close to getting better, I started feeling panicky and hopeless, so I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor (I'm never seeing the one who started this mess again) since I'd have to wait three weeks to see my psychiatrist again. Basically, all he did was tell me to stop taking the zoloft and the anxiety agent since they weren't working (And I've done so) and give me amitriptyline, since the only antipsychotic he could prescribe as a family doctor, seroquel, would interact with the luvox I still need to take. So far I've felt no change with the amitriptyline.\n\nSo this is why I'm here. Not a SINGLE person I've spoken to in this entire process has diagnosed me, told me exactly what's wrong, or given me a solid treatment plan to get better. I still have no idea, over half a year later, what went wrong or how I can get better. Not a clue. All anyone has ever done was refer me to someone else, or try throwing a random medication at me to see if it would \"do the job\". Not one person has stepped forward to actually do the work to help me get better. In hindsight, I don't think my psychiatrist has any idea what I'm trying to say after numerous attempts of trying to tell her, I think she thinks I'm 'merely' depressed and sad about mortality, which isn't really the case at all. I've had 29 years to develop my feelings on these things, and the terrorizing feelings that have been played in my head since November aren't them. They're exhausting, irrational and terrifying, and I'm desperate to go back to normal. And I've talked about this to SO many people, friends and family, and also try rationalizing in my head what I want to think and feel, but none of that works, so please don't recommend counseling, I'm very certain this is past that and its a psychiatric issue. Some of my normal thinking does comes through here and there, usually for a few minutes. Last week there was about half an hour where I felt 90% normal again, and I was able to think about these things rationally, but that soon subsided. I did sort-of feel a little like myself the first day after starting the amitriptyline, but not fully so, like I did for that half an hour last week. And the next day it was back to the terror as usual. So please, anyone reading this, please tell me what you think is wrong and what you think can help me. I of course will be seeing my psychiatrist again in two weeks, and will fully go by her recommendations and instructions, but I just need SOMETHING to hold me over in the meantime, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. I'm so utterly disappointed in the medical \"professionals\" I've seen since November in their lack of knowledge, confidence and comfort in treating me and my condition (whatever it is). I just need a ray of hope right now to try and get me through this, because this isn't living. I just want my life back.\n\nRequired info:  I'm 29, 5'4, 169 pounds, male, never smoked. Before November, only suffered from diagnosed depression, anxiety, OCD and mild autism.\n\n7/20/2018 UPDATE: Well as it turns out the wellbutrin brought on psychosis by increasing my dopamine levels, it actually isn't that complicated what happened to me, I just had to find the right doctor who would listen to me and take me seriously. I'm almost 100% back to the way I was taking anti-psychotics. I'll just leave this here if if this happens to anyone in the future. And people, if something a doctor or who you're confiding with says just doesn't sound right, keep searching until you find someone who will say something that does. Doctors aren't infallible.", "answer": "It sounds like depression, but more severe than it was before. The difficulty with depression is that we don't really have good ways to diagnose the different processes in the brain that give rise to it. We can only recognize the symptoms and hope that it will respond to treatment, and there isn't really a better way than trying medications that often work and hoping that you're in the group that improves. Luvox, Zoloft, and amitriptyline are fine choices. Augmenting with Wellbutrin or Abilify makes sense. I'm sorry it hasn't worked. There's genetic testing available to try to guide medications, but the jury is still out on how helpful that is.\n\n The way you describe it, things were getting worse, you started taking Wellbutrin, and things kept getting worse and have stayed worse, with or without the Wellbutrin. From your timeline I'm less inclined to blame the medication and leaning more towards this being some change in the depression, although of course there's no way to truly know.\n\nAfter multiple medications didn't work, it's \"treatment\\-resistant depression.\" For one thing, there are treatments other than what you've used. SNRIs, for example. Thyroid hormone, buspirone, lithium, lamotrigine. TMS or eventually ECT, if you choose. It's miserable to have to go through multiple treatments, but you're far from exhausting everything. Explain the story so far to your psychiatrist and hopefully you can move forward and find something that will help you feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n53yj", "comment_id": "dzt1jkh"}, {"question": "Day 31, 10.30am, UK: Today I am officially one calendar month sober and feeling grrrrrreat!", "description": "I\u2019m so proud, I\u2019ve got my one month chip from AA, I\u2019m still on track for 90 meetings in 90 days, and I\u2019ve even been asked to do peer mentoring at the local drug and alcohol centre!\n\nI can\u2019t quite believe the changes that have taken place in me and in my life in such a short space of time, it\u2019s been like a whirlwind. I will never know why Monday 21st May 2018 was the day I decided enough was enough, but I can only have faith that my life is meant to take a better path than the one I was on for 20+ years. It\u2019s a rollercoaster, and I\u2019ve got a long journey ahead of trying to deal with my emotions now, but a bad day sober is better than any day drinking.\n\nKeep going everyone, we\u2019ve got this! IWNDWYT XX", "answer": "Well done. Onwards and upwards.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8sqjjd", "comment_id": "e12ioik"}, {"question": "I have a short social Timer", "description": "I don't really like being out for long periods of time in a social setting my wife says it's about three hours max before I start to get anxious or annoyned and by then I kinda just put my walls up and shut down from Whatever is going on around me Thankfully my wife understands that Ive been like this since I was a kid but seeing as we're both in our early twenties and having a large group of friends it's hard to try and balance going out and doing stuff without shutting down as time goes on even if Im having fun Idk does anyone have any tips or been through anything similar?", "answer": "I find that taking regular breaks helps. Usually, I do this by going to the bathroom and washing my hands while singing a little song to myself (not out loud!). It gives me a physically calming stimulus (soap feels fun and bubbles are fun to play with and I like warm water) along with prohealth behavior (washing hands prevents spread of disease), and is discrete (nobody thinks it\u2019s weird to go to the bathroom for 5 min).\n\nObviously do something different if you have a historical problem with compulsive handwashing or dislike bathrooms. I don\u2019t advocate for cigarettes, but I absolutely believe in going for fake smoke breaks.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ch8sv1", "comment_id": "eurqop1"}, {"question": "What are your thoughts on people who claim to be so allergic to water (H2O molecules) that they have an allergic reaction whenever they take a sip of water but don't react to the water already in their bodies?", "description": "I read on the news about a woman who says she's deathly allergic to H2O. She looked to be in her 40's.\n\nShe says she cannot even drink a SIP of water without going into anaphylactic shock and even goes on to say she cries herself to sleep every night.\n\nShe says that she can only drink orange juice or coca-cola (which do her no harm) since they have no water in them and now lives life happily despite not drinking any water. She is also on disability and another one of her press photos is of her holding a bucket of epi-pens. She says she just suddenly became allergic to water one night.\n\nI mean you can be allergic to peanuts so why not H2O? I remember I was seeing a new ''I'm allergic to H2O so bad even taking a sip of water will kill me'' every month on sites like the Daily Mail especially. I've seen science channels on YouTube say it's possible to be allergic to the H2O molecule in itself and you can suddenly become allergic, just like how people can suddenly become allergic to peanuts.\n\nI've even seen the Daily Mail articles get referenced on government based medical websites such as the national biomedical website, saying in more severe cases even drinking a sip of water will be dangerous for them. These people also say that water in the skin causes them to come out in rashes and they posted the photos of these rashes. There's a condition called Aquagenic Urticaria but it doesn't say it's from H2O itself, but water causing a water soluble allergen on the skin to dissolve so it's a substance on their skin they're reacting to not the water. But it doesn't explain these people who also say they cannot even drink a sip of water without needing an epi-pen to save their life.\n\nA guy said his teacher was allergic to water though there were numerous occasions when we saw her have an allergic reaction? She wasn't allergic to the water in her body. She only had a reaction when she drank some. She would be fine if she mixed it with Orange juice or Grape Juice. As long as it wasn't plain water.", "answer": "1. Cola, orange juice, and all other beverages contain water. Lots of water.\n2. H2O is too small a molecule to be recognized as a foreign material by the body. Regardless of whether it would be instantly lethal, and it would, it's biologically impossible. Antigens, the molecules or pieces of molecules recognized by the immune system, are on the order of 10 times larger than water molecules at minimum.\n3. This is a silly tabloid story with no grounding in reality. It's on the same level of plausibility as alien abductions. Less, really; we can't prove that aliens didn't come, but we can definitely know that this situation is impossible and is, at best, a gross misunderstanding of allergies and the symptoms someone has.\n4. Please stop posting about this over and over. You get the same response every time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8w0q82", "comment_id": "e1s85ws"}, {"question": "Wonder if I have Asperger, wife and doctor think so, I have my doubts.", "description": "So my wife suspected that I have Aspergers since a long time. Three days ago we went to see a psychologist regarding major depression. My wife told them about my awkwardness at a recent party and that she doesn't think that I am actually shy. She also told him that I like to program, even after my day-job (programming) is done, and I can spend hours of it. Additionally to it I mentioned that I had suspected elective mutism, when young. \n\nSo hearing all that the doctor mentioned, that I might have Aspergers, even though my wife didn't mention her suspicion to him. \n\nThinking back about my past, not liking to be touched, always only have one or two friends through all years of school, exclusively talking about things and not about persons, it all started to make sense to me. \n\nPersonally I didn't have the feeling that I cannot read faces, but according to my wife I often fail to interpret her real emotion whereas others could have easily read it. \n\nAlso I like being ironic sometimes and I tend to understand irony, too. \n\nAt social occasions I often simply don't know what to shy, even though being well aware of conversations around me. My wife said when hearing them tell something funny I make some smile, but it rather looks like a fake smile. Also often I bore her with keep talking about the same thing for a long time, when she already lost interest. \n\nSo I have some very typical symptoms, also I wouldn't consider myself as shy but just usually I thought I simply don't know what to say or wasn't interested in the topic.\n\nAlso I realized that I really like to count my steps when walking, or seeing patterns on the floor and walk in patterns (sometimes) and often look at license plates of cars. I sometimes try to remember them, or try to see where cars are from, without any intention. \n\nAlso I liked to make online friends and could happily chat with them all day, but then in real life I wouldn't find a single topic or interest in people. \n\nEven though my irony, understanding jokes, and other things don't seem to be issues of mine. \n\nMy wife said probably the doctor wouldn't have mentioned that I have Aspergers if he wasn't quite sure about it. Even though it was only the second time I met that doctor and each meeting was not longer than 20 minutes.\n\nSo I wonder if I really do have Aspergers. Any opinions?\n", "answer": "First, in the US and many other locales, Asperger's syndrome is no longer diagnosed. I would not let a doctor who is unaware of that diagnose me. \n\nAsperger's syndrome has been absorbed into autism spectrum disorder.  This disorder has very specific criteria, not just a list of traits to check off. Many of the traits people often associate with Asperger's are not part of the criteria.  \n\nYou can see the criteria here:\n\nhttp://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html?mobile=nocontent\n\nDiagnosis also requires a severity rating which can range from less than 1 (but not zero) to 3. \n\nAlso, diagnosis is not really useful if you are a functional adult that does not want to be diagnosed.  And, like a previous commenter stated,  therapy can help you feel better whether you have a diagnosis or not. Most therapists don't even like to diagnose if they don't have to. \n", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "25jrol", "comment_id": "chhzs8k"}, {"question": "This is becoming too much for me, I need advice on what to do", "description": "I may seem really petty saying this, but petty is my middle name and i gotta vent it out. \n\nmy ex and i recently broke up and hes doing things specifically to try and impress me to try and go out again. (note: the breakup was very healthy and there were no fights or yelling or anything like that. we are still friends)\n\nlike i said that i was going to get my haircut done in a undercut and i was really really excited to change up my hair style(ive had the same haircut for 6 years) but then he gets it cut as an undercut three days after i said that. now it would be kinda awkward to go to school with the same haircut as your ex. also he was planning on growing it out for years and having really long hair. cutting it was something out of the ordinary for him. and yeah i know that people can change, but this was JUST after i had said that and JUST after we broke up ((i actually feel pretty bad about this. i really wanted to cut my hair and this kinda ruined it. that sounds mean but ehhhh i dont even know anymore))\n\nive also gotten into flight rising, which is a site similarish to neopets but with dragons and i said 'i love dragons' and he said the most run on-forced thing ive ever heard my entire life...he said something along the lines of \"i love dragons. they are the best. if i had to choose a favorite mythological creature it would be dragons. i love them, they are the best. i would own lots of dragons\" ....and it went on. it felt SO forced and its hard to explain but it just didnt feel right or sincere\n\nalso another thing out of the ordinary is that he changed his username online. maybe he thinks that it would be more interesting and ill go out with him again but i just cant force romantic feelings for him. keep in mind that hes had the same username for the past 10 YEARS. so its kinda really suspicious\n\ni could be overthinking things but i need help on what to do. how do i confront him on this, or should i even confront him? is this something i should ignore or talk to him about it? i still wanna be his friend but i cant be romantically/sexually invested in him anymore. \n\nalso does anybody know whats even going on? i tend to overthink things alot and i dont know if hes still not over me...or if its something else\n", "answer": "Distance yourself from him like a majestic dragon distances itself from the soul sucking gravity of earth. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aamb2", "comment_id": "dhd1wr1"}, {"question": "I'm [28/f] who's getting frustrated and pent up because boyfriend [28/m] is fighting depression. Need advice please", "description": "We've been together for over four years now and I know that he's been going through a lot of tough times within the last year. From parents getting divorced to troubles with getting his degree to ending up in unfulfilling jobs, his troubles have wrapped him in a tough bout of depression that he's trying to get help for. He's taking medication for about four months now and we've seen some improvements, although he still has a lot of problems to still fix and I'm always supportive in whatever steps he wants to take in order to make himself happy. From quitting jobs for better opportunities to getting instruments so that he could play music as a form of creative release. Whatever he needed, I've been totally there for him. \n\nWe lived together for a year under his parents roof until his parents decided to sell the house and finalize their divorce. At that point the logical choice was to move in together. We had been together for three years prior and while in the house we had been romantic, but respectful. We had our sexy nights, but we weren't romping around like rabbits. Anyways, when we got into our new place this all changed.\n\nIn the year that we've been in our new apartment, we've maybe had sex a handful of times. I want to blame it on all of the anxiety and stresses of work family and his desire to finish college. I understand that his medication does have the potential to reduce sexual drive. I also understand that depression is also a very crippling condition that can alter ones ability to \"get in the mood\". But it's been six months now, and I'm at my whits end. I have tried talking to him about my desires, my needs and when I do I'm met with almost condescension. He teases me, saying \"oh, you're just horny\" As if it's just a passing feeling that I can just toss aside. \n\nHe's making me feel bad for even asking, like I'm pressuring him to do something that he can't mentally validate. Which doesn't make sense that our coupling is a problem now when he had no problem with it before. I asked if he even wanted me anymore, if he even was attracted to me and he says that he is. And its getting to the point that I have a hard time believing him. I've told him not to idly touch me anymore, because I'm so sexually pent up that it hurts to get my hopes up when it doesn't amount to anything. \n\nI don't want him to do something he's obviously having conflict with, but at the same time I'm left here hanging. Ya, his feelings are being addressed, but what about mine?\n\nThe worst part is that I wish that I didn't have to bother him with my needs. I wish my body wasn't drawn to his. I wish I could turn it off, because it seems to only cause us this tension that is quickly filling with heartbreak. \n\nSo what should I do about this? I'm a loyal creature, so I'd never dream of cheating on him and I don't fancy just washing my hands of him in favor of some other guy. I want to help him get better, but I also want him to understand that our relationship isn't just about him getting what he can out of it. I need a little more from him than a peck on the cheek.\n\ntl;dr Long term relationship, girl not getting any and boy fighting depression. \n\n", "answer": "He needs a therapist. When his depression resolves, hopefully the rel. will become what you hope it has the potential to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q0txy", "comment_id": "dcve53u"}, {"question": "Most Annoying Roommate, Ever.", "description": "I am tired. So fucking tired of this roommate of mine. She has lived with me for 2 months and it has been a living hell the entire time. I hate to even be awake when she's awake. I need to make a list of all the things I dislike about her in hopes that it will help me feel a bit better. Here we go. \n\n* Odd sleeping schedule. She will stay up until like 7AM and then get up at like freakin 5PM. She works from home (if you call it work she makes like 10 dollars a day) so she can work whenever but the fact that my lights are on 24/7 because of her weird ass sleep schedule annoys me. Which leads to my next complaint. \n\n* She is driving all my bills up. I took on a roommate so I could save money for a new car. This chick takes 45 minute showers, leaves lights and her pc on 24/7. She is wasteful when it comes to food as well but she has food stamps so that's her problem I guess. But anyone who will open a thing of lunch meat and then sniff it the next day to make sure it's still good is really fucking stupid. You JUST opened it. Doesn't matter though because she'll throw it away after it's been open for just 24 hours. Ridiculous. \n\n* She's really dumb. Like not intelligent at all. She's 30 years old and doesn't know how to do basic things like open a bank account, use the washer/dryer, use the oven, cook a hamburger. Things that are really common sense. She's just not book smart as well. Her vocabulary is very limited. However...\n*  She talks ALL THE TIME. She comments on the smallest thing my cats do, what's going on outside. She can't just tell a story she has to drag it out for like 5 minutes. Everything is funny to her. I can't have a conversation with anyone else in my house without her butting in. I'm NOT talking to you! Why are you putting in your two cents?!\n* She's lazy. The only thing she will do is dishes when I write on the board that it's her turn. She will not wipe down a kitchen counter, clean the bathroom (her hair is all over my bathroom sink right now and the bathroom trash is running over with her 200 pads/panty liners). It's like she's not going to do anything until I tell her to. I'm not her mother so this thought pisses me off so badly.\n\n* She thinks it's okay to just not have rent on time. She has the money to pay her part of rent right now but she thinks she should have a few more days to make more money so she doesn't have to spend what she has now. Tomorrow will not be pleasant for her because I'm going to demand she give me all the money she owes or she's out the door. She will sit at her computer on Facebook or tumblr all day but she won't make her goals with her job. \n\n* She has no goals for the future. She just mooches off me and the government. She lived with her parents until the age of 30 and is just content with her food stamps, no driver license and 10 dollar a day job. When I kick her out (which will happen in the next few months I'm sure) she'll go right back to living with her parents and doing nothing all day long.\n\n* She sits at her desk and stares at me. I feel like when I'm in the same room with her she has a damn staring problem. It's creepy though there are more pressing issues than that. It's just annoying.\n\n* Back to the food. She will use my food without asking. She went through 3 gallons of milk by herself in less than a month. That is insane to me. I don't get food stamps so that is coming out of my pocket. \n\n* She goes through a 24 pack of toilet paper in a week. I have stopped sharing it with her because of this. She currently has half a roll that I so graciously let her have until she gets more. \n\n* She NEVER leaves the house. She is either sleeping or sitting in front of her computer. Never even goes out on the porch or anything. \n\nSigh. I'm sure there are a ton of other things I can't stand but that's all I can think of right now that stands out.", "answer": "Is she... sick or something?  Sounds too weird to be true.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "221pws", "comment_id": "cgir168"}, {"question": "How do you know a therapost is right for you?", "description": "It took me a while to get to the point where I can ask for help, and I'm worried about going to therapy and all.\nI just want to know if anyone has advice about finding a therapist that you will know is good (right now I am doing searches online and such).\n\nI'm just a little worried because I heard about people going from therapist to therapist. Maybe if there is someone who can give me some headers about therapy?", "answer": "Therapy is all about the relationship between therapist and client.  I happen to be one.  What matters is that you feel comfortable with them. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "931e3u", "comment_id": "e39yap9"}, {"question": "Horrible HIV anxiety. Need a little calming down.", "description": "I'm an OCD sufferer with a horrible amount of anxiety around my fear of contracting HIV. I've had the fear for a couple of years now. It comes and goes based on situations I feel I'm at risk. I was at a party last night and I did a hit from a joint and afterwards I realized my friend who passed me it had a little dried blood on her fingers from a cut. I immediately began having that stomach turning feeling and thought, oh god what if she has it and I got it? She did a hit before me and I was second in the circle.\n\nLater that night my panic attack set in and I told her my fear and told me she's clean etc and calmed me down. She is a good friend of mine and she definitely isn't someone who sleeps around or anything.\n\nI just wanted to ask for a little help and reassurance (I hope) and maybe some info on how likely it would be that transmission would happen etc. if I start googling I'll send myself into another panic attack. Help me reddit. :( I feel pretty alone in this.", "answer": "Thankfully- HIV is pretty hard to transmit. Even if your friend had been HIV infected- that casual contact you had wouldn't put you at risk. Basically- she would have to be positive with an open cut, and touch you in an area where you have a fresh cut- and even then it isnt likely to transmit.\n\nInstead of googling diseases, maybe you should google a good local therapist?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "s9ief", "comment_id": "c4g0vji"}, {"question": "Diet pills and laxatives ?", "description": "Is it okay to take both laxatives and diet pills? If not had anyone taken diet pills? If so, how have they affected you. Did they suppress your appetite, or make you sick? Just asking what people\u2019s experiences have been with diet pills", "answer": "Diet pills make me shaky and laxatives dehydrate.\nI would only take them if a doctor advises it. \n\nWhat I do personally is take my doctor-prescribed medication for appetite control and take Metamucil OTC.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "htz7f2", "comment_id": "fyk50li"}, {"question": "15y 10m occasional smoker, how to regain memory loss from weed", "description": "Hey guys.\n\nSo I've probably smoked weed about 20-25 times max in the last 6 months, never more than 2-3 cones as I'm a soft cock mostly over the Christmas/January holidays, and gotten drunk about a dozen in the last year Between Christmas and mid-late December I suffered sleep deprivation, and when I got out of it I thought it had left me with permanent effects.\n\nAnyway a couple weeks ago I was taking to my uncle in-law who's an expert on sleep. I explained my symptoms and as soon as my mother left the room he asked how much dope I'd been smoking.\n\nI'd felt quiet, slow, unmotivated, unenthusiastic, and just in general felt really dumb.\n\nWhat I couldn't wrap my head around is that all of my mates who had started experimenting with weed/alcohol around the same time frame had experienced absolutely no changes. We're all pretty smart people who get A's/B's in school (grade ten Australia), literally most people in my grade at my large school would have smoked as much as me. I told my uncle this and he said people react differently, but how can I reach this differently?\n\nI was a pretty smart kid, now I feel like I have to put effort in to get a B. I do feel a lot better since I stopped, although I slipped up last weekend so I've had 2 cones in 25 days, stupidly got drunk on Friday. Other than that been sober. \n\nWill I regain my cognitive capabilities? My memory just doesn't feel the same. It darkens me that I may have ruined my entire future over a few seshes with my mates. \n\nShould I undergo some memory exercises? Or maybe even get an MRI or other brain scans to see if it's something else, I mean the time frame makes it plausible to say it's from weed/alcohol, but how can this be possible for not an excessive amount of use.\n\nWriting this at 11:23 on a school night. I'm rattled and I can't stop thinking about it.\n\nAre these effects going to be permanent?\n\nHelp me reddit.", "answer": "Regular smoking before age 16 is about the only time you can do real, permanent damage. Sounds like you haven't gotten there yet though. Just give it time. 100% sober time though because you want your brain to get used to not expecting the high, not just the percentage of time not high. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b4vtsb", "comment_id": "ej9lly1"}, {"question": "My[25/F] ex-boyfriend [23/M] of four years stalked me and it's effecting my mental health", "description": "My ex boyfriend and I dated for four years, we broke up about a year ago. He was emotionally abusive, as well as sexually abusive. I had woken up with him inside of me, continuing after saying no. *[I was raised in a abusive household, where my mother was also abused so I didn't think I there was anything wrong with the way my ex boyfriend treated me.]* My ex boyfriend, put me down a lot and isolated me from my friends and family. I had tried to break up with him, but he manipulated me into staying on more than one occasion. He would be angry and jealous about me spending time with my friends, and would insist to go with. However, my friends would decline or cancel plans with me when they found out about his attendance. My friends expressed concern but I was deluded enough at the time to believe I loved him and he loved me. When I was finally able to break up with him, I told him we were broken up, but we could talk about things in a week-like where we stand (friends or not), he agreed. However, I became quickly attacked with endless phone calls and text messages. When I wouldn't engage his behavior at first, he showed up at my house unannounced, banging on my door. He has reason for this trip, he was dropping my personal items off on my porch, but then insisted I HAD to tell him why we broke up, and that he DESERVED an explanation. I told him he needed to leave my property. He did but only to return five minutes later. He was banging on the door again, telling me I OWED it to him. I told him he needed to leave, I was home alone and half asleep-as he had woken me from a dead sleep. I was scared and sent him away, hoping he wouldn't return. He returned once more, conveniently to drop off more of my personal belongings. Still angry and insisting I have to speak with him. *I never let him in the house- we have a locked screen door and a wooden door, I cracked open the wooden door to speak to him only*. I told him this time if he returned to my property the police would be called. I was petrified to leave my house anywhere alone. But the threat of the police kept him away for the moment. He still continued to harass me through electronic communication, going between \"I love you come back\" to \"I am the only one that cares about you, no one else loves you\". He asked my mom, and more than one of my friends to speak to me on his behalf for forgiveness. I told him if he didn't leave me and my family alone I would get a restraining order, and things seemed quiet for a little bit. It wasn't until he HAPPENED to show up at the same place I did, that I realized it wasn't that simple. He claimed it was coincidence. Later, his best friend confronted me, providing me text messages between him and my ex. He told me flat out \"He is stalking you\". When I blocked my ex off of facebook, his used his best friends account to find me and my location via \"find friends\". With this he managed to follow me places, and this included sitting around the corner in his truck while I was at my friends house, waiting for me to come out. It got to the point, where legal action had to be taken, after finding out about what his best friend eluded to. I already struggle with Mental Illness-so all of my pre-existing anxiety was through the roof. Panic attacks were close together and intense. I passed out because I saw a truck I thought looked like his (not even close-different model and color). This was all during the restraining order process and after. Once he was served, I didn't hear anything from him [I was protected under a temporary order]. However, when we went to court-he showed up and served me that day so the trial had to be pushed. What he served me included letters from his family, his mom and two of his sisters and his own letter. These letters trying to make me seem as though I am the abuser, that I always made him unhappy and they expressed concern, that it was my mental illness that made him unhappy and that he did not do anything wrong and I was making some sort of sick joke. Once the three hearings were done(it took three to finish it), I went up there alone, I did not have any letters from anyone, I had my own deposition and all the text messages for proof and I came in with one person sitting in the audience for me. He came in with a witness (one of the sisters that wrote a letter against) and four family members-along with his letters. So after these three hearings, I got a restraining order- it was evident he lied in court documents because I had evidence to prove otherwise and when asked about the stalking, he admitted guilt-which he denied in the letter. After all of this, I got a restraining order-while it makes/made me feel better-it doesn't return my piece of mine. It's been almost a year since the breakup and the stalking started and I am over the relationship but my peace of mine was taken and I can't seem to get it back. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist, as much as I can fiscally afford. But I still can see and feel and hear these things happening in my head, and I can't not be afraid when I see a truck that looks close to his.\nI am wondering if anyone has experienced similar?\nOr has suggestions on how I could find my way back to having some peace of mind?\n\n**tdlr;** My abusive ex-boyfriend of four years stalked me and I got a restraining order, but I still can't find any peace of mind[I do receive professional treatment]. Do you have similar experiences? Do you have anything that could help? ", "answer": "DV Therapist here.\n\nGreat job with the restraining order. Above all else, you need to stick to a safety plan. 3 places you can go if he's at your home, and safe contacts like friends and family. If he ever breaks the restraining order don't feel afraid to notify the police. Get ready to document and record anything. Continue working on appropriate barriers between you and the abusive partner to make sure you have a healthy, distant relationship with him.\n\nAnd that's awesome that you're in treatment. DV treatment is all about taking control of your life back. Your abusive partner took away your power and control through his abusive behaviors, and it takes time to gain that control back. Allow yourself to feel emotions, and continue to recognize the ways he was abusive. You're fully capable of moving past the abuse, I promise you. It just takes time.\n\nYou're already past the hardest part. Good luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "64424f", "comment_id": "dfzithu"}, {"question": "Some advice please", "description": "Hi everyone, I'm new to Reddit but I could use some sage advice. Some back story about my girlfriend (24) and me (28). We met at work and started casually hooking up then about a week later started dating. We've been together 7 months now. Things moved way too fast, I gave up my place and moved in with her because I lost common sense and now we have an apartment together which I pay for. About the last 3 of the 7 months we were always fighting and 'breaking up'. We never left each other for over 24 hours, we never even left the apartment permanently. We also suffered a miscarriage about 2 months ago which devastated the both of us. Anyways, one fight sent us both over the top and we 'broke up'. About a day later we talked and said we're still committed to one another and decided to stay together. She wanted to remove the title of boyfriend and girlfriend but try to repair things little by little. Try to save what was left. I think the source of our fights was moving too fast and not giving the time to really get to know one another.\nI usually like to talk things out and squash any issues we might have. She on the other hand doesn't like talking about difficult or uncomfortable topics, even when it relates to us. She says she wants someone who communicates with her but she won't really talk to me about anything that's bothering her. I can tell when something is, it usually comes out when it overwhelms her and she starts crying. We've had issues about being friends with exes, which I don't like and never do, but she does and explains to me first and foremost they're friends and because they ended not on bad terms, why not stay friends? I guess that makes sense, I don't know. The advice I need is what should I do to help us communicate better? Should I worry about her exes even though she reassures me nothing is going on?\nI have trust issues and I know it, I so really badly want to have confidence in her but based on how things were going the last few months, I don't have it. I don't really have confidence that we'll even make it as a couple. I love her, but at the same time, would permanently breaking up be the best for both of us?\nThings have been going well the last few weeks and the fighting has basically stopped. Help.", "answer": "get couple counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6itsh2", "comment_id": "dj8z1oj"}, {"question": "I [35/m] have great career opportunities, but my BF (45/m) of two years cannot move. Unsure if I should go, have a serious talk with him, or just stay.", "description": "I was working for a major global consulting firm until May, when I was laid off. While I had built a reputation there that allowed me to do my work remotely, typically the career I have a passion for requires one to live in a major global city. If I started looking for a job in that field, I'd likely soon get one and be flitting about the globe doing work that saves lives.\n\n\nI have a BF. He will not move from our city. He made this clear from Day 1. We say we love each other. We've been together two years and lived together seven months. Still, whenever someone refers to him as my \"partner\" or anything like that he explicitly reminds them we are \"boyfriends\" and \"there is no ring on my finger.\" I know he cares about me, and I have kept him 100% in the loop on the fact that I am sacrificing opportunities by staying local. I trust that he would tell me if he thinks this is not something worthwhile. However, we have not had this conversation outright. We do not share finances, and have not made any future plans (like buying a home together).\n\n\nBy most estimations, at eight months unemployed, with just a BF (not a fiancee or partner), and the ability to earn a six figure income in another city, I should have left by now! However, I love my town and I think this is the guy for me, so I've stayed and nearly bankrupted myself. Incidentally, I just got a job that pays half of what I used to make and is terribly boring. I think it can sustain me emotionally and financially for three months max.\n\n\nI'm debating what to do. Almost everyone I know has said I need to go after the job I love. I know that if I do, in six months I'll be happy in Paris or London or NYC with the BF a memory in the past. However, if he and I are really a go, I would choose to stay here and make something work for my career (I can find fulfilling work here, it just takes time, and I would abandon my passion). I cannot decide if I should...\n\n1. Just start job hunting and go. I would have to tell the BF if I start applying outside our town - sitting here in our house being in love while I'm secretly looking to leave would be disingenuous.\n\n2. Have \"the conversation\" with the BF. We are two years in after all. We do not have to get engaged, but maybe it is time to really ask if he wants to spend his life with me. If I do this, even though we both know career looms over my head, my thought is this should be independent of career. I already know if he says  he wants to be together forever, I will stay. On the other hand, I am imagining him saying, \"We've only know each two years, and the last eight months have been under terrible stress due t your job loss, and I fear you may leave for a job you really love. You're asking too much of me to decide that.\"\n\n3. Do nothing. Just keep looking for the right job here and let the relationship progress on a relaxed path. My fear is that I give up great opportunities and then we break up anyway.\n\n\ntl:dr I have great career opportunities that would require me to move, and my BF of to years will not move (that has been a condition since we met). I think he's the guy for me, but then again, we are not engaged. Trying to decide if I stay and sacrifice my passion (and a lot of money), or just go and pursue my career and put the BF behind me.", "answer": "always talk. the biggest mistake redditors make is they don't talk to their SO about their feelings enough.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qavgn", "comment_id": "dcxpw2i"}, {"question": "Facing a Brain Biopsy for my Sweet Mother. (Desperately looking for Hope/Help)", "description": "SHORT VERSION:\nMy mother (59, 110lbs, Jewish) lies in a hospital bed beside me. She is sleeping but may be in a coma for all I know at this point. A nasogastric line is delivering some nutrition. Her legs are bent at the knee, pulled up towards her chest, pointing left. PT cannot determine whether her muscle movement is voluntary or spastic. \n\nI've posted about her several times now. Her decline began four months ago with achy joints and a sore throat. Now we've arrived at this unfathomable state of affairs. No diagnosis. The doctors' best guess is some type of Prion disease. She did test negative for the protein that would indicate the presence of vCJD, but we are going to proceed with a brain biopsy ASAP.  Curious if anyone has any experience dealing with this procedure (doctor or patient perspective) and may have any insight on what to expect (I.e. How long of a hospital stay may this require?)\n\nFor more info on my mother's case, please continue with the story below. Thanks in advance to anyone who can offer any insight. \n\n*************************************\n\nEXTENDED VERSION:\nBack when she initially got sick in June, her primary initially thought it might be Lyme and prescribed Doxytricycline, but she quit the course before it was through because she felt it was causing side effects. She then requested a different antibiotic because she didn't feel any better, and her doc prescribed a 10-day course of Levaquin. She had also developed a terrible dry cough, and complained of brain fog. Lost her appetite and developed tremors in her hands. Ended up in the hospital for four days. \n\nAfter all testing came back normal, they released her and told her to get some rest. There was speculation then that the root may have been psychiatric exhaustion. She spent the following week mostly in bed with little appetite, complaining of a brain fog she couldn't shake. She became increasingly exhausted, unable to interact for longer than 10-15 minutes before having to lie down. A slow neurocognitive decline followed. Conversations were beginning to trail off into odd disassociation. She was hospitalized again a few weeks later when it seemed she was really beginning to slip away, less responsive all the time. This time for 12 days. She continued to decline into a stretches of near-vegetative states. Increasingly non-verbal. (SIGNIFICANT SIDE NOTE: at one point during her stay, they discovered a bad UTI and treated her with antibiotics. I saw her the following morning, and like a miracle, she had returned to her body. I cried tears of joy. My mother was back! We spoke clearly and honestly. She described it as if she'd woken from a dream and had no recollection of the previous days. This window of lucidity only lasted a few hours. By the next morning, she was gone again to a far away place.)\n\nShe had tons of blood work, radiology, and two lumbar punctures. Still no diagnosis. She was unable to void urine on her own and had a Foley catheter put in. \n\nMy stepfather brought her home, hoping a return to a comfortable setting would have a positive effect. The first day, she was mostly catatonic. But by day two, she was speaking again. Not lucid. But speaking. They took walks. She was eating and drinking more. A week and a half later, she declined again. Unable to chew the food in her mouth. On Tuesday 10-17, we took her to the ER. \n\nNow she's here. Unconscious. Nasogastric tube up her nose. Her mind may be completely gone by now for all I know. A brain biopsy should be happening soon. Perhaps another brain MRI beforehand. \n\nSome family members have been insistent in their belief that this is Lyme despite all tests for it returning negative. Now, their best guess is Prion Disease. \n\nWe are DEVASTATED. We keep looking back to a week or so ago, longing for even that severely reduced level of cognition. Not having a diagnosis makes it all the worse. \n\nPlease share my mother's story. It isn't over yet. We need help. \n\nSincerely,\n\nEight Track", "answer": "Sorry to hear this.\n\nHas she had an EEG or SPECT scan by any chance? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77iolp", "comment_id": "don7oy3"}, {"question": "how do I F(21) stop feeling so inferior to new guys (M24) ex GF and baby mama and should we even carry on seeing each other?", "description": "I started dating a new guy 2 months ago  after meeting him on a night out, and since then we've been seeing each over the past couple of months a few times a week. He told me after the first week that he had a little boy who is now 5 months old and that he wasn't with the baby's mom anymore, that they had split just before the baby was born. I dont know the exact reasons that they did split but I think it had something to do with her wanting to keep the baby when they found out she was pregnant and him not.\n\nA couple of days ago he brought up a conversation about us and where we were headed in the future, he said that he really likes me and could see it going somewhere. I agreed with him as I do really like the guy and said that in time I see us having a future together too. He also brought up that he would have to tell his ex about us eventually and also his parents and my parents. He said that his ex still wants him back and constantly messages him about this. He also said that his mom isn't happy with him for leaving his ex when she was pregnant/with a newborn. I feel like if we were to continue seeing each other and for it to get more serious it's just going to cause a shitload of problems for everybody, his ex will be upset/mad and it sounds like his mom will be mad too, plus I have no idea how my family will react to me dating a guy with a baby but I don't think it will be good. \n\nI do really like him and we get on so well but I know that if we continue seeing each other and get more feelings it's going to be really difficult. Should we keep going with this and just deal with the problems/people as they come in the future or is it not even worth trying because of just how messy the situation would become? \n\nAnother thing is that his ex gf is gorgeous and I have no idea why he would ever want to cause all of this mess just to date me. I don't think my insecurities are helping the situation either as it's making me even more unsure of whether we should even be contemplating this in the first place. :(( ", "answer": "gorgeous is a tiny part of a real rel.   don't fret about that. everyone comes as a package deal.  everyone! yes he has baggage, and his ex will be in your lives always because of the child.  BUT, if you and he are REALLY SOLID, you can make it work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ljcmm", "comment_id": "dbw5l3q"}, {"question": "Recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts", "description": "Hello!\n\nDo you have any recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts made by an actual professional in the field?\n\nIf it matters, this is for someone who is planning to get married for the first time.\n\nThank you so much!", "answer": "Not sure if they have podcasts.....but there\u2019s videos and info available from both of these:  Gottman institute and Sue Johnson (Emotionally focused Couples Therapy). I love both of these and they have some similarities.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehtwkg", "comment_id": "fcmfybz"}, {"question": "Can social contact delay onset of Schizophrenia?", "description": "I am a 28 year old male, and my friend is also 28 years old. My friend was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when we were 25 years old.\n\nHe was, and still is my very good friend, someone who I knew from Kindergarten. After University, my friends and I stopped talking to him, limiting our conversations to Facebook. Three years back, we learnt that he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. \n\nHis primary caregivers, his parents insinuated that had we kept in touch with him often, we could have prevented or delayed the onset. \n\nIs there is any truth in this notion that by simply being in touch could have assuaged his situation?", "answer": "There's nothing to suggest that social connection has a strong effect on incidence of schizophrenia. As someone else said, withdrawing from social contact can be part of the prodrome or syndrome of schizophrenia.\n\nI think the family may also be really looking for something to blame and some sense that this at least could have been controlled. In reality, it can't be. Schizophrenia is highly genetic and also highly responsive to stressors that in large part aren't under anyone's control, and the ones that are are usually under the individual's control, not others. But even if there were something doable, hindsight is 20/20. You can't live your life as a risk modifier for everyone else, and you couldn't do that even if you had absolutely reliable insight into risks and what you could do, which you don't.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d84wg2", "comment_id": "f17tagk"}, {"question": "Complicated Question (22M, 19F)", "description": "I dated this girl for a while and we had a real strong connection. Recently though she found out she'd be heading back to University 6 months earlier than anticipated and so she said we should stop dating now to make it easier than later down the road. At the time I agreed but I don't know, I really felt a connection with her and she seemed to have one with me. I was thinking of just asking her one time if she'd be willing to continue it even after heading to Uni, as a long distance thing, but what do you guys think?\n\nI'm assuming this sub in particular will have more insight with LDR and whatnot.", "answer": "always ask", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rrp2t", "comment_id": "dl783yl"}, {"question": "Have company benefits; should I tell doc I smoke?", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nI currently have a really great benefits plan with my company.  If I tell my doctor I smoke ciggeretes, how will this effect my health insurance? Should I be honest? Would I have at one point filled out any insurance info about wether I smoked or not (can't recall). \n\nThanks", "answer": "Think of it another way - should you become unwell and you haven't disclosed your smoking status, your insurance becomes invalid.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yebqw", "comment_id": "d6n65ni"}, {"question": "The self fulfilling prophecy of being labelled \"intelligent\" or \"gifted\"", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Well figure this. I was considered a smart kid yet never did well in school. I think it's because I already felt a lot of pressure and sadness even before beginning school. I did badly at school (was considered \"lazy\" but was actually depressed) and have fought hard to get to university and finish my masters at 28. I'm 32 now and I have no idea who I have been living for. Not for me anyway. I've been proving my worth. Now I feel crap a lot and have been in therapy for years already working through it all, and hopefully eventually finding my own path. This is difficult and very painful, but somehow I feel the process of self discovery and ending the neglect towards yourself to also be greatly inspiring. The only thing I'm really struggling with is the social isolation. That really hurts and is so difficult to overcome.", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "eyz2ww", "comment_id": "fgmg20y"}, {"question": "When anxiety strikes... walk SLOWER.", "description": "Take a stroll around the house in slow motion. It really helps! Just a tip guys and gals.", "answer": "Do EVERYTHING slower and with intention.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "efvvp5", "comment_id": "fc3xpi2"}, {"question": "Do I need a referral from a primary care doctor to see a specialist for lower back issues?", "description": "30M, 5'11, 168lbs, Caucasian, no meds or prior major health concerns. Dealing with chronic lower back pain.\n\nI don't have a primary care doctor. I never really get sick other than the occasional head cold. I did try to establish one two years ago. I went to him for 1 physical, and then he moved away. I want to see a spine specialist, but do I have to get referred by a primary care doctor? Since I don't have one I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions?\n\nBackground:\nI have had consistent lower back pain for as long as I can remember. I have a vivid memory of being like 8 and waking up one morning and telling my parents by lower back was sore. I can't remember when it began exactly, but I know it started when I was young and has just gotten progressively worse over time. I have had it so long that I have no idea what not having lower back pain feels like, but it is getting to a point where it is really starting to limit what I can do. It hurts most before bed and first thing in the morning, but it bothers me all day as well.\n\nThe best way that I can describe the pain is that it feels like my two lowest vertebrae right at the base of my lumbar have no disc between them. It feels like it's bone on bone. No matter what position I lay in, it hurts. When I bend over forward it's a very strong pain. My muscles are tight, but it feels like something more. If I lay in bed on my side and tense up my hips and rotate my waist a little bit I can feel those vertebrae shift as though there is very little support, like they are loosely just sitting in there. It constantly aches.\n\nThe weird thing is that I am very active. I run a lot, I lift 3-5 days a week. I run 11 mile tough mudders with my wife. Those things don't bother my back as much as just standing in one spot, walking long distances, sitting down, or leaning over and picking up any weight over 20 lbs where my back is engaged more than my legs. I have learned how to adapt my body to do lifts and wear a back brace on days where do I light weight squats or shoulder exercises\n\nMy dad, his two brothers, and his mom have all had surgery to help with spinal stenosis. It runs in my family and my sister says she has lower back problems too. Their symptoms seem different than mine though. I don't have numbness in my legs or butt. I just have an ache that I can pin point to my spine and the surrounding muscles remain sore at all times.\n\nThank you in advance for any feedback you can provide.", "answer": "Whether you need a referral for specialists depends on your insurance policy. It's not something we can answer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "akw7xb", "comment_id": "ef8h5m7"}, {"question": "I've tried everything to get someone to like me and failed. I'm ready to destroy my body", "description": "Soon to be 18 years old and I've never been in a relationship before. I was pulled out of school twice last year for suicidal and homicidal thoughts (I admitted I had plans to shoot all the couples and married teachers at both of our major school dances) and struggled to meet people being at an all-male school and not being particularly outgoing.\n\nI eventually got over the fear of rejection and started going to lots of underage drinking parties and hitting on girls from other schools there. I got rejected and embarrassed by everyone I approached and starting spiraling back into isolation and violent anger.\n\nFast forward to now and I'm ready to give life another shot before I start planning to go postal again, but I want to be better prepared.\n\nI have a connection to a dealer who has a lot of high-power steroids and has given me a suggestion for a \"stack\" to try it. This would involve taking massive amounts of testosterone enhancers through pills as well as injections in both my arms.\n\nDo I need to destroy myself to get accepted or will this fail just like everything else has?", "answer": "What are you hoping to accomplish with the steroids?  It sounds like a terrible idea and you seem to see it as essentially self destructive yourself.  What you should do is to get into psychotherapy, like for anger management and depression.  You should join a mindfulness meditation group.  To use a star wars metaphor, this anger is the 'dark side' and there is another and better (ultimately more satisfying) way to work with the intense pain of social rejection that you are almost certainly trying to cope with here.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "534fy2", "comment_id": "d7q2pt2"}, {"question": "Resisted temptation yesterday", "description": "I struggled yesterday for the first time really, but managed to resist.\n\nI realised that actually it was being hungry that was making me crave a drink so I had lots to eat and a couple of pints of water. The other thing that helped me to resist was that I had planned a 4 mile run for this morning which I did at 7am.\n\nFeeling quite proud of both things. \n\nWas worried yesterday that I might struggle to not have a drink tonight (as I'm not planning to run tomorrow), but I think I'll be OK. \n\nStarting to lose a bit of weight and feel a bit physically stronger even after only a few days. \n\nIWNDWYT ", "answer": "Yes..  often i think the craving for alcohol is a need alright but often other things fix it...food, water or even brushing your teeth. Meet the need. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m9tia", "comment_id": "dzmblpy"}, {"question": "Now that you have lived on your own, what is the best advice you would give to someone moving out for the first time?", "description": "F, 21, beginning to look at apartments for moving to Chicago from the suburbs. It will be my first time moving out. \n\nAll advice, tips, and lessons learned welcome !", "answer": "Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.\n\n...In general make sure you have cleaning supplies and if you're like me and suck at chores, clean as you go as much as possible and plan out when to do things like dishes, taking out trash, vacuuming, laundry etc. \n\nIf you're living with roommates this becomes even more important as you all will have to divide those duties.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "g1e5uy", "comment_id": "fnfvm9e"}, {"question": "Ohh the glorious impulsivity that comes with being Borderline.", "description": "I posted the other day about working/holding down a job while having BPD. I said how much I hated the job after two weeks in.\n\nWell, I quit the job yesterday. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore and it was causing me more anxiety and stress. I just couldn't stick with it.\n\nNo, I don't have a job lined up. I've taken the initiative and started applying for jobs though before I officially quit. I do have an interview tomorrow.\n\nIt's really difficult for me to hold a job. I have to REALLY like it to want to stick with it. No matter what people tell me, no matter how hard they try to encourage me... If I don't like it, I flee (as with most things in life). People try to tell me to just be mature and stay until something better comes along... I CAN'T! I literally can't. And it's impossible trying to explain it to someone who doesn't fucking understand at all. And the worst part is, I'm so charming and bubbly during the interview, I usually get the job. Then after I'm at the job for a little bit, and I hate it, I just stop showing up or make an excuse for having to quit.\n\nMy brain is too complicated to explain to neurotypicals and it's exhausting trying to do so.\n\nAm I the only one who struggles with being impulsive? I can't be. I'd really like some support if any of you could help. x", "answer": "I struggle too, I practice radical acceptance and opposite action though, knowing full well most often my feelings are not correct and it will pass over time. Plus self care ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6d4ye3", "comment_id": "di0yrm7"}, {"question": "Can someone please help my brother has tried everything, and he's becoming suicidal.", "description": "Any help would be much appreciated.\n\n**Brother's Stats**\n\n**Age**: 33\n\n\n**Height**: 5ft 8'\n\n\n**General Health before 4 months ago**: Very good, regular exercise (running, playing soccer etc) drank once a week (although quite a few units of alcohol), no previous cases of mental illness, relatively healthy diet, although he is a vegetarian (and has been all his life).\n\n**Weight**: 72 kg (although has decreased since he has been ill)\n\n**Race**: White British\n\n**Current Medication**  Quetiapine (one tablet at night, unsure of dosage)\n\n**Overview**\n\nSo my brother became quite ill approximately 4-5 months ago. It started as what seemed like a general bug that he (and **some** friends picked up whilst travelling in Iceland. He seemed to get mostly better but just generally felt run down and looked pale and lost some weight. His friends seemed to get completely better but he did not.\n\nAbout 4.5 months ago, he began to become quite anxious believing he had blood poisoning (this is when I first became quite concerned) as my brother is never the sort of person to become fussed or exaggerate about anything. So my parents took him to the hospital to do some blood tests. At this point he said his main problem was feeling very weak all over and just exhausted as well as 'achy'. He was going to the toilet a **lot**, which meant feeling like he needed to pass stool every 20 mins - 30 mins. He had diarrhoea and at this point looked as though he had dropped to 66 kg. He also said he needed to urinate often every 15 mins or so.\n\nThe blood tests came back fine. But my brother began to feel worse and worse. Passing a lot of gas with continued pain in his abdomen. Then he had some stress with his landlord booting him out so he moved back home with our mum and dad so they could keep an eye on him. At this point he had stopped going into work as he felt so awful. (And he never likes to miss work).\n\nMy brother decided to go to a private clinic to get more intensive testing done. Stool, blood and urine tests where all done, as well as a more comprehensive stool test which was sent to the USA for analysis. The stool test came back as he continued to get worse. They showed that he had a high count of Endolimax Nana and Blastocystis Hominis, which the doctor said were normal in some people.\n\nIt then seemed as if it were some sort stomach bug and the doctor agreed and thought he may have picked it up whilst being in hot spas in Iceland. So he was given a course of anti biotics, he completed the course, but generally felt worse. He then took some probiotics as well as some herbal remedies such as oregano oil and caprylic acid etc, hoping that they would alleviate his symptoms which now seemed to be getting worse. He generally felt nauseous, and although the amount of gas and belching reduced, he still had pain in his abdomen and he continued to feel dehydrated all the time, despite drinking 2 litres of watery a day at least, as well as his urine being very dark still.\n\nAs time rolled on and continued tests showed nothing, he began to feel more anxious and obviously depressed at not being able to pin point what the problem was. This led to him to have mental break downs as the pain then 'spread to his bones', he said that he has constant cracking and pain in his joints, and feels constant malaise.\n\nHe now rocks back and forth gibbering and crying, asking and pleading to everyone to help him and he has had several 'episodes' where he has driven to A&E as he believed that 'he is in a really bad way' and 'hasn't got long left', and that something is 'eating his bones'. He paces back and forward crying 'why won't anyone help him, and he's going to die'. \n\nMy Mum and Dad have been out of their depth and although being concerned they do not know what to do. The doctors will not do anymore tests as they said 'they have checked for everything' and are now convinced that it is mental and he doesn't have any pain as nothing is showing up on any x-rays, blood tests etc. Then the doctors have now put him on quetiapine to take in the evenings to calm him down, as he literally shakes with fear and cries while scrunching his hands saying how 'doomed' he is, and how he is 'not gonna make it, so scared, so scared, he doesn't want to die' and how much of 'a bad way' he is in.\n\nAfter he was put on that drug, I think he personally got worse as he started to say weird things such as the last text message I sent him over and over again, and not really realising he was saying it. I put this down to the fact that the drug was somewhat messing with his mind.\n\nHe shows me pictures of his stool saying they are 'not normal' and I think to some degree they are not because they are a little loose. He now has a carer come around to ask him how each day is and to get him to talk about his anxiety, but he discredits them as being a waste of time as its this bug which is 'eating at his bones' and that he can feel it. Crying that 'he used to be so healthy and loved playing sport'.\n\nNow it does strike me as a mental break down of some sort, and it's certainly stressful but I know that he did lose a lot of weight and he was passing a lot of gas, and before he had a complete melt down, it did seem as if there were very visible symptoms.\n\nMy parents have pretty much given up and do believe it to be anxiety, but he showed me his urine the other day after drinking two litres of water and it was genuinely still very dark.\n\nHe has gone to various specialists who have ruled out rheumatoid arthritis, cancers etc. But now he has to start CBT (hypnotherapy) which he thinks is a complete waste of time because he feels in constant pain, and that he cannot use his hands or move his neck due to a constant clicking pain.\n\nI guess my general question is, has anyone got any experience of this? Or what would be some tests that we could do that the doctors may not have thought about?\n\nI'm quite worried because he says \"You are my only hope, no one believes me, they all think I'm crazy but I can feel my bones eroding and I've ruined everyones lives, I'm going to just kill myself, I am in constant pain and no one is listening to me\".\n\nHe physically breaks down because the pain is unbearable and it's driving him insane.\n\nHe has spoken to another doctor who has issued him with a super strong round of anti biotics as well as L-glutamine and some strong probiotics to take over a 2 week period.\n\nBut the doctor has issued them without taking another stool sample recently. \n\nWhat can I suggest, I am all out of ideas and when I look at him he is clearly broken , but I saw the physical early symptoms (the belching, the urine, the loose stools and the weight loss so I know that he wasn't faking that. I just wonder if he has got himself into a state reading so much online about endolimax nana and how it eats away at your calcium levels etc and he is convinced that he still has it and that it is destroying his bones.\n\nWould checking his vitamin levels be a good idea?\n\nI tell him he still looks healthy and he says ' No, no you don't understand, I am not, I am in a really bad way, I'm not gonna make it, I'm in so much pain, why won't anyone believe me!!!' and then he starts crying. He was never an emotional person and would never get anxious.\n\nI'm so sorry for the verbal diarrhoea and poor grammar I just had to get it all out. Any help is greatly appreciated.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "I doubt dipping in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland made him unwell. Sounds more like health anxiety, assuming no blood in stools.\n\nIt can become extremely distressing, and people tend to get into vicious cycles over it.\n\nIs quetiapine the only medication he has been tried on for the severe anxiety?\n\n[Heres some self help on health anxiety - PDF](https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hypochondria/Documents/Health%2520Anxiety%2520A4%2520%25202010.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwjb3-ikwt7OAhUDKsAKHdFaBJAQFggsMAI&usg=AFQjCNHQCvIFV-xB1phLydOpkrzXgPSALw)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zlz2x", "comment_id": "d6x85so"}, {"question": "Could this be DID?", "description": "I have a history of dp/dr and have BPD and PTSD among other things. I also have a history of past abuse. I do have separate \"personas\" I fluctuate into and have had since my early teens. Sometimes I feel really kiddy and giggly and want to play with children's toys and put on a onesie, sometimes I feel like a drag queen (I'm a woman though, so that's kinda weird right?), sometimes I feel transgender, goth, slutty, etc, etc. I don't know if this is just unstable self image because of the BPD or something else all together (like DID). Anyone have input/advice?", "answer": "I'd hesitate against assuming DID as it is extremely extremely rare (and is actually a debated diagnosis by many clinicians/academics). You are absolutely right that with BPD one tends to have a very unstable sense of self-image, can often fluctuate from feeling one way to another. \n\nHowever, again, this is best left to discussion with a therapist or psychiatrist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25fjku", "comment_id": "chgqom7"}, {"question": "Went to a psych and did not get a diagnosis. In crisis mode, havent slept in 2.5 weeks.", "description": "18/M/black/no meds. I've posted here a lot over the past week, but one because my symptoms keep progressing. Ive gone from waking up a few hours early to not getting any deep sleep at all, I close my eyes for what feels like a Lon time, then open them to see that its only been an hour. The occasional black dot or movement in my peripheral has turned into tiny translucent and black dot being seen on walls and in thr air constantly. Still cant tell if im hallucinating auditorially. Lack of sleep is seriously effecting my performance in college. I believe my mental state is deteriorating rapidly and there doesnt seem to be anything I can do about it. Ideas?", "answer": "Looking at your other posts, it seems anxiety/stress related.\n\nYou'd probably be pretty unwell if you ate getting zero hours of sleep over multiple days, but im sure it feels like it.\n\nI suspect a trial of an antidepressant might be of use.\n\n[Sleeping well](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/sleepproblems/sleepingwell.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52qy10", "comment_id": "d7mnljg"}, {"question": "Should I see a doctor? Is this depression?", "description": "Apologies for shitty formatting, I don't use reddit often. For the last two years of my life I've been progressively getting worse and worse in the motivation department. My sleeping patterns are so insane now that I miss tons of consecutive alarms, sleep for 10-14 hours (regardless of how long I've been awake) and I keep digging myself a hole I can't get out of. I can't bring myself to do anything that I even remotely want to do, such as get more into the programming I've been doing for the past 7 years or even play video games. Very few things excite me whatsoever. I can't even get myself to play fucking video games sometimes, let alone even begin to pull the motivation out of thin air in order to concentrate on my studies (even when my major, Computer Science, is a complete joke to me because I have been doing it for half my life). I'm not even close to the situations that some people are in. My school is paid for - for which I am extremely grateful - and I don't even have to work to put myself through. My life is extremely easy and while I know I appreciate it mentally I can't even begin to do the EXTREMELY simple things that are required of me. I can barely function at this point and it's steering my life in direction I do not want it to go.\n\nA few other points; I'm not familiar with depression at all but I've had close friends/family of friends who have been there and I've heard that it's not just some \"sad\" spell that you get over, or that it doesn't even always have to involve sadness at all. I'm more angry at myself than anything and it's to the point where it's almost fucking smash-everything-in-the-room infuriating. I'm unable to stress about the things I KNOW I should be stressing about and it's concerning me now to a very critical point.\n\nI'm in need of help and I don't know where to turn as my family is also very blunt and apathetic to mental illness or anything involving something they can't see (\"it's not like you broke a leg!\", \"it's so easy why can't you just do it?\", \"you have no problem with your sleeping, just get yourself on track and go to bed early\", etc etc).\n\nI need to know what's going on here. Am I legitimately just a lazy fuck who's become used to doing nothing and not giving a shit? Or could there be something wrong with me? I need to know. I don't want anybody to try and soften the blow. I just need to fucking know. Even if it just means I'm a lazy piece of shit.\n\nIs this depression? Is it a mental issue? Should I seek help? Or should I concentrate on my life instead of searching for a \"convenient\" answer to my problems? Somebody please just point me in the right direction I have no idea what to do.", "answer": "This is very likely clinical depression indeed.  You are exhibiting textbook symptoms, including anger (irritability), loss of motivation, loss of pleasure, worthlessness (self-loathing), altered sleep, poor concentration.  You should absolutely seek professional medical and psychological evaluation and treatment for this.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3en25f", "comment_id": "ctgio16"}, {"question": "My best friend (18F) thinks she is hypnotized", "description": "Before I start, I want to mention that me and my bff's  home country is \"backwards\" does not take mental issues seriously. \n\nSo today my friend called me and asked me if I noticed any changes in her personality in the past years. I said I did, and there was in fact a major change were she went from being an extrovert to an introvert. She said that she also noticed that a long time ago, and she now realized why. According to her it was because she was hypnotized. \nI personally look at this things with skeptitism, but obviously I didn't tell that to her and listened to what she was saying. According to her, for the past years someone would call her while she was sleeping and tell her to behave a certain way, say that she was a bad girl and has to change and so on. When she woke up she would have a bad feeling but forget everything.  \nSo anyway, she said that the reason she remembered everything is because the woman who hypnotized her told her that she will remember everything after she moves to a different country, which she did. The woman also told her she won't stay there for long and return to her home country. \nShe also told me that she actually mentioned to me this before and she also told her mother, but we forgot cause that woman hypnotized us too. She is worried that I will forget this again.\n \nFor a second I thought she maybe playing a joke, but she sounded so sincere and was nearly crying.\n\nFrom one point I of course want to believe her, and if she is saying the truth then there is a high chance that she is in danger. There is another side where it maybe just part of her imagination, and if it is then I'm very worried about her mental health. \nI'm in a different country right now so I can't check on her frequently expect only online. I made her promise to text me and keep me updated. I told her to tell her parents but she is afraid that they will forget and because of that woman we will be in danger. I want to tell her parents myself but I'm afraid that they will think she is crazy and maybe do something, because our country does not know the difference between mental health diseases and being \"possessed by the devil\". What advice do you have? Is this a mental issue or it might be real? What can I do to ensure that my friend is safe?\n\nTL;DR: My best friend thinks she is being controlled by some creepy woman. That's why her personality has changed dramatically. I don't know what to do and how to help her since I'm in a different country.", "answer": "I have a lot of experience working with folks who have schizophrenia or present with similar psychotic features.  She needs help.  If she is experiencing the onset of schizophrenia or a related disorder, her best chances of living a relatively \"normal\" life are to get into therapy and even more importantly get the proper medications as soon as possible.  \n\nHypnotism is a real thing.  Only a very small % of the population are actually susceptible to it but generally it doesn't have these kinds of effects.  This really sounds a bit like some kind of psychosis going on.  \n\n\nTricky thing with folks like this is as magicbumblebee said, challenging her delusions will only put her on the defensive and reduce your chances of helping her.  One way that I work with these folks is to acknowledge what they're experiencing sounds incredibly stressful.  \n\n\n\"Wow if I had that happening to me I'd be freaking out too.  Have you considered going to a therapist or talking to a doctor to see if any meds could help you DEAL WITH THE STRESS that all this causes you?  You know people get meds and therapy to deal with things like work stress, and what you have going on sounds a hell of a lot more stressful.  Please consider it?\"\n\n\nGenerally if she explains to a psychiatrist what's going on, they're going to look to prescribe anti-psychotics, which hopefully would clear up the delusional thoughts or any type of auditory hallucinations if present.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9h4f6t", "comment_id": "e698h5g"}, {"question": "Considering a feeding tube. Advice?", "description": "\\[Just to be clear, I'm asking for advice, though I understand that anything said here does not constitute \"medical advice.\" I understand that reddit is not a substitute for a doctor.\\]\n\nI'm 30 years old, soon to be 31 on the 11th. I've struggled with several eating disorders over the last 15 years or so, and I've never had a good relationship with food. Lately, I've been under a lot of stress and struggling to keep my intake up for that reason. I gag on food and have to spit it out, even if I want to swallow it, and there is often the sensation of a balloon or something right at the top of my stomach. I'm constantly hungry but struggle to do anything about it because my body wants to reject it. \n\nEven when I enjoy food, I have to take several breaks and can only do one or two bites at a time. This has been going on too long, and I'm fucking miserable.\n\nMy thinking is that I'd like a feeding tube, probably just temporarily. If I can just get some nutrients directly into my body, I can have more energy and capability to change things and get better and cope with the underlying issues. But as long as I'm starving, it seems unrealistic.\n\nMy question is, how can I get a doctor to go for it? Should I ask for particular procedures or tests first? Also, what kind of specialist handles the insertion? I'm thinking a PEG would be my best option due to issues with swallowing. Also, I live in the US. Is it something insurance is likely to fight me about?", "answer": "Can you consume the liquid calories on your own? Like boost, ensure, soylent, huel. Stuff like that. It will be a lot cheaper and easier that way, physically more comfortable, a lot less work. It's a huge pain to have a feeding tube. Personally I'll do whatever I can to avoid a feeding tube, and drinking liquid calories provides basically the same effect if you actually do it. Use a straw if you don't want to taste it. \n\nAre you working with any professionals right now? If not, you might at least look for a dietician and a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. They will be able to refer you to higher levels of care if you want or need. You could also ask for a referral from your PCP, or see if there is an eating disorders clinic that you can access directly.", "topic": "fuckeatingdisorders", "post_id": "gwlat9", "comment_id": "fsvpdut"}, {"question": "[USA]My brother is missing. Could he have checked himself into a mental health facility that would hide him from law enforcement?", "description": "My brother has been missing for 2+ days.  He up and left his wife and 2 young children.  No one has seen or heard from him since.  He has gone completely off the grid: no cell, no plastic, no toll tag hits.  He does have a history of depression and a number of years ago some dis-associative spells.  His welbutrin was left at the house.\n\nWe are cooperating with local law enforcement and an NCIC/TCIC bolo is out for him and his vehicle.  We are out of options and searching for theories at this point.\n\nHe is not wanted or in criminal/civil trouble.  To our knowledge he was not at odds with anyone who would want to harm him.  Are there any facilities that would take him in and essentially hide him for a period of time?\n", "answer": "A hospital would admit him if he need inpatient treatment. Once admitted, they would not be able to give out any information about him unless he explicitly gives them permission, or if a court order is granted. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2cte1q", "comment_id": "cjivmbk"}, {"question": "Different views on alcohol - how to find a comprimise for me [F/21] and my bf [M/25]", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nI guess I just need an opinion that topic because it causes a lot of discussion between us right now and we're quite stuck atm.\n\nSome background: we're dating for a little over three years now and I would consider our relationship as healthy, honest and filled with trust. He never gave me any reason to be jealous, no weird exes, no secret text messages to other girls or other crazy stuff. \nHe moved about three hours away last fall to start college, while I'm still in our hometown. So we are long distance since then. We still get to see each other every weekend, every now and then every other weekend. We had to adjust a bit, but we worked through it. \n\nBut, to the problem. I have a very low alcohol tolerance and after some 'experimenting' with alcohol a few years ago (before we started dating, but I have to say that I never vomited, passed out or didn't remember what happend last night, so I guess that's still pretty moderate experimenting) I decided for myself that I basically don't need alcohol in my life. I drink a beer or two or a glass of champagne on special occasions, but that occurs maybe once a month. Overall, I'm more of an introvert, I usually don't go clubbing or partying. My friends are the same and my bf knows it. He fully supports my decision of not drinking much.\n\nI have to say that the alcohol problem became an issue since he moved away. He drinks more alcohol than me, but this has never been an issue before. His friends here are all more introverted, they usually meet and play video games together. I know most of them. Of course they would drink some alcohol when they met, but they never went crazy with it. His new friends in college seem to be a lot more open about the topic. I have met them only once, but I used that evening to get them to know a bit better (of course, you can guess wrong based on first impressions). They usually spent one or two evenings a week together as a group. Sometimes they go clubbing, sometimes they stay in and play board games together or they go to a bar. Alcohol is always involved, at that is the point where I'm worried and concerned. It's not just a beer, it's usually hard liquor. He assures me every time that he knows his limits and that he will stop, no matter how much the others drink. Yes, as far as I know (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't hide anything) he doesn't push past his limits.\nHe's home safe, he doesn't pass out, pukes etc. I know I should consider myself happy to have such a great bf. But I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not comfortable with not knowing how much the others drink, if they know there limits, if they would make sure that he's home safe and stuff like that. I'm sorry for my lack of expression, English isn't my native language.\nI don't know how much they pressure him to drink, because he never drank that regularly (or better to say he never went out that regularly and even if he went out some evenings alcohol wasn't even an issue)\n\nI'm sorry if anything isn't expressed clearly enough/spelling and grammar mistakes.\n\nI'm really looking forward to some other perspectives on that topic, how did you compromise? Am I overreacting? \n\nThank you!\n\n", "answer": "A drink is defined as 5oz/wine, 120z/beer, or 1.5oz liquor. Moderate drinking is defined as one drink/day for women, and two for men.  Alcoholism aside, relationships are about comfort levels.  Whether it's excessive golfing, knitting, gaming, or partying. You have to be comfortable..that's the bottom line. All of relationship life is about compromise and negotiation to find those sweet spots. You have a right to make an issue about ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "672aox", "comment_id": "dgn39li"}, {"question": "Stomach discomfort after drinking alcohol?", "description": "Hey all, I'm female in her early 20s, around 100 lbs. This has been a question that's been on my mind for a while, and it's happening again right now so I thought it'd be a good time to ask. \n\nWhenever I drink, I'll start feeling some discomfort in my stomach. It feels a bit tight? I haven't been able to really measure the amount of alcohol that I have to ingest for this to start happening, but it doesn't take much. I've seen similar posts regarding this but they've all mentioned pain, so I thought I should emphasize that there's NO pain involved. It's just an all-around uncomfortable feeling that I can't really ignore. This started ~1 year ago, so it hasn't always been like this. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Does it feel like indigestion or heartburn, or different from that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5wsr", "comment_id": "dl2m3d5"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Every state has their own law regarding this.  Some are stricter than others.  \n\n\nIn my state, PA.  We only report incidents of child abuse if the child being abused is currently under 18.  The only other instance we'd report is if someone who is over 18 reports past sexual abuse and the perpetrator currently has access to children who may be in danger.  \n\n\nAnything else is confidential, however, this vastly differs from state to state.  I would ask your therapist to discuss the specifics of their duty to report and/or look up your state's mandated reporting laws (if in the USA, if elsewhere, look up your local laws).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "do1dc9", "comment_id": "f5m140t"}, {"question": "My boyfriend doesn't treat me right but I'm in love with him?", "description": "We've been together for about a year now. The beginning was picture perfect for me and I couldn't complain about a single thing. While dating him, a lot happened in his life that was stressful for him. I ended up figuring out he cheated on me. I had already gone to therapy, and talked to my therapist to help me. I decided I was ready to move on and felt like he was genuinely sorry for a one time mistake. His true colors started to show as time went on (even before the cheating). He became controlling, and if I wasn't responding he would blow up my phone a million times. With us, we had highs and lows. But the highs were amazing... I know we're deeply in love and I've never connected with someone like him. But I don't know why he does these things to me. He got kicked out of his house lately and is living with me. I was okay helping him but he stole money from me too and wouldn't even admit it was him until I had filed a police report. Everyone acts like it's easy to leave, but I'm so dedicated and thought he was my soulmate. The only reason I'm saying all of this is because everyone else is telling me to leave him.", "answer": "if you love someone who isn't treating you right than the word 'love' has lost its meaning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pq58g", "comment_id": "dcszz7s"}, {"question": "Brain Damage from Binge Drinking", "description": "Throughout my early 20's I would binge drink once a week (e.g  a Saturday night) and oftentimes this would result in a blackout. Since getting older this happens much less often, I don't drink as excessively on weekends, but still occurs about once every 6 weeks. I'm going to take a break from alcohol for awhile, just to get used to cutting back to further reduce these blackout episodes. But my concern is around any permanent brain damage. Do I need to be worried about permanently altering my brain chemistry or damaging the dendrites/neurons? I never understood this risk when I was younger and regret not taking this more seriously at that time.\n\nAny feedback is greatly appreciated! Losing sleep over here! (Google is a scary place)", "answer": "Blackouts are your body telling you that it's not coping with the toxic effects of alcohol. Once every 6 weeks is still worrying.\n\nHopefully you've not done major damage, but I won't lie to you - its likely that a few neurons are lost. I couldn't say for sure whether your life expectancy is significantly reduced, but it probably has. I wouldn't fret about it though, as it's in the past and there's nothing you can do about that.\n\nOn the other hand, you've now made some positive changes that mean that further damage is less likely to occur. All you can do now is to do all the common sense stuff like keeping physically healthy and keeping mentally active.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qqjyn", "comment_id": "dkzau5v"}, {"question": "any advice on online courses ?", "description": "it seems we can't escape the future. and while I had some success  with Lynda.com, I've been struggling other platforms like udacity , udemy and coursera .\n\ndo you have any tips on effectively finishing an online course? ", "answer": "I remember the struggle when I first did an online course...and here is what helped me.\n1. Make a calendar and write out all of the assignments in the appropriate due date. (Helped me see everything at a glance)\n2. Block out specific times each week when you plan to work on assignments. (do a little bit a time, not all at once so you can ask questions)\n3. Don't be afraid to ask for help early on!\n4. Do your best (It is better to turn SOMETHING in than nothing at all)  Something can get points\n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "627bd7", "comment_id": "dfkuw52"}, {"question": "I'm in a sticky situation and don't know what to do.", "description": "I met a guy recently, a guy who's everything I've been looking for personality wise wrapped up in a super amazing body mixed with a great taste in music and I am convinced we should be together. Only problem he is currently in a 3 year long relationship. I know I know I should just stop right there and give up but hear me out. We've hung out a handful of times now and the last time we got together it involved alcohol, me of course drinking more because I was nervous. At the end of the night through a series of questions I ended up telling him that I was really interested in him. And without any hesitation he said he felt the same and he thought that I was gorgeous. And then later in the car ride said he didnt do or say anything that he didn't mean. Ever since then I cant help but get him off my mind. His friends have said he is unhappy in his relationship but he seems to be happy with her still.\n\nMy question I guess is should I pursue him? He hasn't shown any indication that he is going to break up with her but he told me he liked me. I dont want to wait and then have him stay with her and me get screwed over but on the other hand I don't think I want to give him up. Any advice helps, even if you tell me I'm stupid. Thank you.  ", "answer": "But guys, where's she gonna find someone with great taste in music?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6buois", "comment_id": "dhprvmp"}, {"question": "Me(21/m) agnostic with a very religious gf(21/f) seeks advice", "description": "We met each other in highschool. I liked her from the start but was too shy to make a move, so I waited until the last year of the highschool. I knew she was religious, but didn't know to what extent.\n\n\nThe start of our relationship was great, I was inexperienced as she was my first gf but it was a fun learning experience. We love each other a lot and are together for 2,5 years now, know each other for 7 years.  \n\nThe thing is, as we talk about our future together, we have very different views about it. She is Christian, and wants to live her life with a partner that shares her beliefs, she wants to attend church together every week and on Christian holidays, she wants to bring up her children in the Christian religion and share spiritual life together.  \n\nI on the other hand am agnostic, and don't see myself changing in this aspect, but I don't have a problem with religion. I am willing to compromise, but she thinks she won't be happy in such relationship.  \n\nI don't want to attend church on every occasion, but I am willing to go from time to time, e.g 2-3 times per month, so as to make her happy. Same with children, I don't have a problem with her bringing them up in religion, \nI see no harm in it, but don't want to actively participate in it.  \n\nThe problem is that I am madly in love with her, and can't imagine my life without her. I know that she also loves me very deeply, but it seems like her religion is more important.  \n\nI think we could be happy together, but I can't see her ideal future working for us two. Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice as to what I/we can do to make it work?  \n\nTL;DR: I am agnostic and madly in love with my religious gf, who wants to break up with me because of her view of ideal future that won't work for us.", "answer": "It can work. You have to simply respect the other's beliefs, and do your own thing in that regard. Now, if she NEEDS a partner to be religious together with her, then that's a different story and a deal-breaker.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o7qyb", "comment_id": "dkfbf97"}, {"question": "Spiro Withdrawal?", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI am currently out of Spiro (one week now) and cannot get to the doctor to refill my prescription for another two weeks.  I am considering going off of it as I am full paleo/alcohol free/etc. and am hoping my lifestyle will allow me to go off (only because I hate being teathered to daily pills). Does anyone have experience with withdrawal from Spiro? Claire ", "answer": "Oh god, my spiro withdrawal was awful even titrating off slowly. Gained 10 lbs of water weight and felt like my stomach had a layer of jello all around it. Took a month off to feel normal. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8l3rph", "comment_id": "dzdi10w"}, {"question": "Back pain making stomach hurt?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Ugh, I definitely get this sometimes! Using a heating pad on my back and/or stomach helps. Also this sometimes happens to me when I'm constipated! Deep breaths, remember it will pass!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "9gtun9", "comment_id": "e66xg8a"}, {"question": "How can someone explain to their significant other that their mental illnesses are the reason they can't show affection without it sounding like they're blaming their illness?", "description": "I have been with the same guy on and off for the last 11 years. I have schizophrenia along with other mental illnesses and it sometimes makes me horrible at showing how I feel. I love him more than anything, but he feels unloved. I want to tell him I think it's because I'm mentally exhausted and that I'm going through a horrible time right now, but I don't want him to think I'm using my illnesses as an excuse. I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me or give me special treatment because my brain doesn't function proper. At the same time I definitely don't want to lose the love of my life because I can't swallow what pride I have left.", "answer": "Tell him you're doing your best to be as expressive as possible. If he accepts your illness, he should accept everything that goes with it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67msjw", "comment_id": "dgrowce"}, {"question": "Buckle in, this is going to be a long one.", "description": "I (27f) don\u2019t know what to do for/ about my brother (24m)\n \nHe is severely depressed, I don\u2019t think he knows what being just \u201cok\u201d feels like. He has been this way since childhood. Our mom died and we had a monster of a step mom, both of which contributed to his low self worth and complete lack of motivation. \n \nI\u2019ve been called an enabler by my parents, neither of whom are very nurturing. My step mom is borderline mentally abusing and my dad is passive and brainwashed to agree with her so as to avoid blow ups. \n \nThrough the years I have done what I thought were helpful things, paying his phone bill, buying him clothes, hand holding during processes like paying taxes or getting his oil changed. Things he wouldn\u2019t always do on his own. \n \nAbout three months ago he left a good job for a shady under the table job, all for the sake of a few more dollars an hour.  No one was surprised when a month later the shady job ghosted him. Things like this are a pattern in his life. He does not think ahead and will leave a year round job for a seasonal job that pays a tiny bit more, with no plans for when that job ends. \n\nAs a result, he found himself displaced, losing his apartment when he couldn\u2019t pay rent. \n \nI wasn\u2019t going to let him be homeless. I let him move into my new apartment. He was supposed to be here two weeks, until he could get a job and move in with his friend. \n \nIt has been over a month, he drinks a 6 pack a night, using a gift card from Christmas (intended for gas) to pay for it and plays video games all day. His friend has flaked on him, I assume to avoid the situation I am in currently.\n \nI am a full time college student. Being able to pay rent and feed myself was stressful enough, without the added financial burden. I have told him how stressful paying for him has been and do think he feels bad. \n \nWhen it got well past the point of taking advantage, I decided to set some rules. I gave him two weeks to get a job or pack his things. I also laid out a plan for my expectations on at what point I expect him to start helping with rent. In the meantime he is doing all the dishes and walking my dog when I\u2019m gone. \n \nIn a typical move for him, he continued to be generally unmotivated.  Only  applying to only a handful of jobs online, waiting until two days before the deadline to job hunt outside the apartment. And, again, surprising no one, he got hired on the spot. He has always been just lucky enough to avoid most real life consequences.\n \nI believe that at a certain point you can no longer blame your behavior on the past; once you acknowledge the problem there is no excuse for not trying to better yourself. Which is why I struggle when it comes to my brother. I am torn between wanting to care for him and wanting him to better himself and be happy.\n\nThe ball is currently in my court since he is living with me for free until he squares his debts.\nI would like to enforce rules that deal with his underlying issues. I was contemplating a \u201cdry apartment\u201d rule and giving him a deadline to start seeing a therapist, something he has been open to in the past. The no alcohol rule is going to be tough, and he will be mad about it. I\u2019m not sure it can be all or nothing. \n \nI am not sure what a reasonable level of rules would be, and I know I can\u2019t make empty threats about him moving out.\n \nI don\u2019t know what to do or how to help him. All feedback is welcome.\n \nTldr: I\u2019m potentially enabling my brother who is living with me for free. While he did get a job two days ago, I would like to enforce rules that address his underling issues of depression and potential alcoholism.", "answer": "No matter what you decide to do, the most important thing is that you are firm with your boundaries and consistent.  Don't give him deadlines or consequences for breaking house rules and then not follow up with them or continuously extend deadlines.\n\n\nI really like the idea of having it be a dry house.  I'd also suggest something like no using your internet/wifi, etc. for video games unless he is contributing towards rent/bills.  \n\nHe's not going to be happy with any of this and will likely try to make you feel bad or look like the bad guy.  \n\nSomething important for good parents dealing with adult children living in their homes and siblings in situations like yours is this.  You love them.  You don't want them to be homeless.  You want to provide a safe place for them.  That doesn't mean that you have to provide a comfortable place for them.  In fact, the more comfortable a place you make it or allow them to have equal power without equal responsibility (ie. Having a say in house rules, what they can/can't do, etc. while not paying half the rent/bills) the less likely they'll ever be to act responsibly and independently.  \n\n\nThe idea is to make it so uncomfortable through not allowing them to do the things they want to do that they decide it would be better off to work hard and be responsible in order to pay for their freedom to do what they want in their own place.  \n\nIe. If I had a child who had graduated high school and was still living with me, I'd have them paying money for rent (which I'd probably secretly keep aside for them to create an emergency fund for down the line), helping out with chores, while STILL following all of my house rules and not giving them the full freedom of adulthood.  \n\nIt likely wouldn't be long before they did what they needed to do to get their own place.  Once they did that, I'd make sure I gave them plenty of praise and even reward them for taking the initiative with housewarming gifts and whatever else would help make them feel proud of moving out on their own.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ezwfej", "comment_id": "fgq0157"}, {"question": "Question about auditory hallucinations?", "description": "I was hoping you could help me try to get a grasp on some potential causes for auditory hallucinations?\nA friend came to me yesterday a little bit shaken by an experience he had the night before. According to him, he woke up in the middle of the night hearing a voice in his room. The voice came from his closet and simply said \"let me out, let me out\" repeatedly - but not in an urgent tone. My friend, freaked out and confused, grabbed his phone and flashed the light on the closet. He then walked over to the closet and opened it, finding nothing. He said that he then went to the bathroom and felt very dizzy, and just very ill in general. Eventually he went back to bed.\nThis is the first time he says he's experienced anything like this. 22 years old, in otherwise good health - no new habits or anything that stood out as potentially triggering the experience. Perhaps school stress?\nI have no idea what to make of it; I didn't bring the possibility of dormant mental illness surfacing with him obviously because A.) not a medical professional by any stretch, and have no experience with psychology or psychiatry and B.) I think it's probably best if he tries not to stress out about it and raising the possibility of psychiatric illness would not necessarily help.\nBut if it continues, I'll of course recommend professional help. \n\nAnyways, does anybody have any possible insight into what occurred and why?\n\nAge 22\nSex M\nHeight 5'11\nWeight 140\nRace Caucasian\nDuration of complaint One night\nLocation Mind\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) None\nCurrent medications (if any) None\n \n", "answer": "If its a one-off thing and theres no other mental health symptoms, then its nothing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5zoc5x", "comment_id": "dezrkvo"}, {"question": "Help me understand my procrastination", "description": "I am taking procrastination to extremes, and I just don't understand myself.\n\nOne of the most puzzling examples is when I decide to take a shower before starting my evening gaming session, because I hate interrupting it midway through, and I don't enjoy it as much if I have a nagging \"gotta shower\" in the back of my mind.\n\nBut then my brain tells me showering is lots of work, even if it's a 15 minute process all in all. \"I just need to gather my strength to do it, I'll just reddit for a few minutes\". \n\nHours pass, I still haven't showered, and I only have a couple of hours left to play before I have to go to bed.\n\nWhy do I waste so much time doing stuff I don't really want to do, procrastinating on a 15 minute task, after which I get to do what I actually want to do?", "answer": "Google the term [Paralysis of Will](https://www.smartlivingnetwork.com/add-adhd/b/adhd-and-paralysis-of-will/)...procrastination in ADHD is more about sensory overload than laziness.  Like when thinking of showering or another boring task, it feels daunting just to get started. After understanding the overload part, i know just say I have to turn the shower on....then worry about step 2 when I get their.  Hope this helps! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7yuq45", "comment_id": "dukn8tt"}, {"question": "Grandmother stuck in the COVID isolation ICU despite negative COVID, need to move her to regular ICU, but hospital won\u2019t listen to us", "description": "I don\u2019t know what else to do. My grandmother, 82 yo Female (5\u20196\u201d, average weight, Caucasian), has been in the hospital for the past 4 days.  - in the ICU isolation unit despite testing negative for COVID \n\nShe was admitted after she started having conversations with people who weren\u2019t there- and then passed out. She has had very low sodium and chronic diarrhea for months now- doctors have done numerous tests but don\u2019t know why her sodium is so low. We don\u2019t know what medications the hospital has her on because they won\u2019t let us in there now.\n\n**What I need help/advice on:**\nShe was admitted and because she is old they put her in the COVID isolation unit in the ICU. She tested negative to the in hospital COVID test, she has no fever. She is on a vent, and both times they have tried to remove it she has become very agitated and becomes apneic, so the doctor puts her back on the vent (even though we told nurses she has sleep apnea). \n\nShe has to stay in isolation until the doctor gets a secondary COVID test they send out which will take 4 more days. That means she will be on the vent that much longer. She needs my mom (preciously and ICU nurse) to be with her so she can help her through this, but because she is in COVID isolation they won\u2019t let anyone see her- even though she doesn\u2019t have COVID.\n\nPlease help. How do we pressure the hospital into moving her out of isolation? We\u2019ve called the charge nurses, but they say they have to just ask the doctors. We need to be with her. Thank you in advance.\n\nUPDATE:\n\nShe was successfully extubated. She is awake, but still stuck in isolation.", "answer": "Two negative tests is a fairly common policy in many hospitals, as we don\u2019t have the best data on how accurate the tests are. Best to wait, even though the situation is understandably stress inducing. Best of luck to your family.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hc3qq4", "comment_id": "fvd2e65"}, {"question": "What can I do for you as my hotel guest?", "description": "Dear future guest! I work at a small hotel as a reception manager, and have other responsibilities as well. I really want to make our guests feel welcome and well cared for at our place. I really love my job and I honestly LOVE our guests! Of course I have had a lot of classes on customer service, and I think that me and my co-workers are good at the normal polite \"welcome\", \"thank you\"  type of customer service. But I want advice on how to \nexceed your expectations, on how give you give you a WOW experience, or how to give you warm and fuzzy feelings about a building! For example: What can I do with your hotel room prior to check in? What would you like to hear when you check in? What can I do for you at breakfast? I really just want to make you happy! Any advice?", "answer": "Maybe random, but if it's late, say after 10 or 11 pm and you're checking me in, please be friendly but *fast*. I'm tired, it's been a long day, and I just want to crash. \n\nThe only memorably \"bad\" experiences I've had at hotel reception (minus one place that said they were pet-friendly online but then magically were not and were assholes about it*) were when I was trying to check in later at night and the whole process seemed to take forever. I had to wait at the counter for awhile, then figuring out who I was and my reservation took forever, and then getting the key was somehow tough ... when you're tired its the worst 1st-world struggle.\n\n*On that note, keep your damn website updated.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "4205vf", "comment_id": "cz6lmuk"}, {"question": "Insulin resistant pcos help", "description": "I am need of some advice. I was diagnosed with insulin resistance pcos and endometriosis and was put on metformin to help make my insulin levels normal. I would really love to lose weight, not have horribly oily skin, and stop losing my hair. My question is what is the best diet and exercise for this? Will my hair stop falling out with proper diet? ", "answer": "I\u2019ve done better on moderate low carb, high fiber, tons of veggies, than I ever did on keto/VLC diets. IF always seems like a terrible idea to me, given how adrenally sensitive so many PCOSers can be. \n\nMy point is that you may need to experiment a bit. I have pretty classic PCOS symptoms but my weight never budged/only increased/was so hard to even maintain on paleo, keto, Atkins etc. My experience with PCOS weight loss has been slow. But slow as it\u2019s been the last three years, it\u2019s the only success I\u2019ve seen. And I\u2019ve fucking tried it all.\n\nI follow the FLO Living protocol, which has helped undo the years of bad dieting mindset and helped me focus on supporting my body with the nutrients and types of activity it needs in each phase of my menstrual cycle. I\u2019m also on 1500 of Metformin ER.  ER generally has fewer stomach issues. Adjusting my dose slowly and only taking the Metformin in the middle of my meals has eliminated my GI side effects. \n\n", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7w1j5b", "comment_id": "dtz2y0l"}, {"question": "92 days today but I feel like I got called out at a meeting today...", "description": "I went to my 7am meeting this morning to grab my 90 day coin because my sponsor was going to be there and I was hoping to talk to her after the meeting to tell her that I want to find a new sponsor. She\u2019s been extremely hard to see in person (I\u2019ve tried twice in the last two weeks) and I know we both regularly attend the Thursday morning speaker meeting. I\u2019m tired of holding onto this information now that I know what I want to do and I just wanted to tell her in person versus over the phone. \n\nI got there 25 minutes early but she came dashing in at 3 minutes of.  Oh well.  Then she whispered to me that she had to leave at 7:30. Ughhhh. Okay. Whatever. So it came time to the coins, and I was the only one to get one. Yay me!! However, as luck would have it, our speaker was a no-show and the chairperson said \u201cLucky you! You will be our speaker today!\u201d And he then moved on to the other portions of the meetings after the coin portion. My sponsor then whispered to me quite forcefully across another person sitting between us \u201cYou will pass\u201d \u201cYou will pass. You are not ready. Pass.\u201d  I didn\u2019t think much but all I remember hearing in the rooms was you never turn down an AA opportunity when asked. And then I was annoyed because, if any of you remember my sponsor, this is the one who won\u2019t let me do my steps, who took 3 years to do her own steps, and is just very full of telling me what she wants my program to be and not what I need it to be and how sick I feel. (See my previous post under my profile if interested) So then when the guy asked me to speak, I said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m not ready yet, so I\u2019m going to pass today.\u201d \n\nHe kind of hesitated and almost sighed. He then asked for someone else to share. And after about 30 seconds someone else volunteered. But at the end of the meeting that chairperson came up to me and told me \u2018You should call your sponsor bc no one turns down an AA opportunity when asked\u201d and walked away before I could say anything in response. I\u2019ve been feeling upset and resentful all day. My sponsor can\u2019t answer my calls because she\u2019s at a conference. Not that I want to really talk to her anyway. I went to another meeting and shared there but it didn\u2019t really help. And I just feel like the stupid new kid. And I just want to drink. I know it\u2019s dumb. But I just feel like I don\u2019t fit in with the club. Like I did the wrong thing. And it was my sponsor who told me not to. Ugh. I just feel stupid. Thanks for listening. I will not drink but it\u2019s just all these awful feelings.", "answer": "Your sobriety comes first. If I were in that situation, the advice I know people in the program would tell me is to just get a new sponsor immediately if I felt that way. One that has worked the steps and understands that the steps ARE the program. I have been told \u201cI needed to do the steps to get better, not get better before doing the steps.\u201d Worrying about someone else\u2019s (sponsors) feelings is secondary at this point. Especially given the fact that you feel like drinking. This is your life. Find another sponsor and send your old one a text that you are moving on if thats the only way you can get in touch with her. Your life is too important. Wishing you the best!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bs9k9k", "comment_id": "eompcm9"}, {"question": "Question about erp", "description": "Would doing my compulsions outside of erp hours damage my erp or would it be best to still do my compulsions outside of erp to keep myself calm?", "answer": "If you can\u2019t stop them completely delay them as much as possible. Be gentle with yourself. I see you using words like failed. Every effort you make is a step in the right direction. If it were so easy you could give it up in a day, no one would need support for OCD. take pride in what you have accomplished, learn from your mistakes and remember that ERP is done gradually for a reason.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "hkb2te", "comment_id": "fwrr5sf"}, {"question": "How often can i take xanax without getting addicted?", "description": "I have very bad generalized anxiety~ and most days I try to tough it out and handle it by mediating and other techniques I have learned in therapy.\nWhen I want to do things like go shopping or stuff that is \"out of routine\" or whatever I want to be able to take at least .25 mg. My question is how often a week can I do this without becoming physically addicted?\nAge: 20 Height: 5'7 Weight: 140 g: female Medications: trazadone, xanax", "answer": "Basically it seems that if anyone takes over 30mg of diazepam a day, they are significantly at risk of dependency. So for alprazolam that would be 1.5mg a day.\n\nStill, its all about using it when needed only, and recognising that benzodiazepines are a plaster rather than a cure. If you need something longer term, then antidepressants and talking therapies are much more appropriate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6syfu0", "comment_id": "dlhb2bt"}, {"question": "How can I tell this girl I want to go out with her?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You have a pretty ideal situation with a built-in excuse.  You used to see each other a lot, now you don't.  Next time you run into her, strike up a conversation and ask how things are going with what she's doing since you haven't seen each other.  Ask her if she wants to get a drink after work or give her your number and tell her to call/text if she ever wants to grab a drink or lunch or whatever you feel comfortable with for a date/hang out.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8sogeo", "comment_id": "e11pb5a"}, {"question": "My mom is bipolar and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I really don't know if this is the correct subreddit to post in, but I'm at a loss. Also I'm using a throwaway because I don't want my redditor friends to know this personal information.\n\nIf it matters, I'm a 16 year old female and my mother is 48 and divorced.\n\nAbout seven years my mom and dad separated. She was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression. My parents were off an d on for about four years and then they finally called it quits. I don't remember much from that time, but I do remember her not going to work and sleeping all the time. During this time my grandmother (her mom) raised my brother and me. My mom, brother, and I all lived with my grandma up until 2011. My dad was almost completely out of my life.\n\nShe has been admitted to a mental health facility/hospital at least two times and has taken many different medications and has gone to many different psychiatrists. She says none of them help her and they over medicate her.\n\nIf this matters, my dad recently told me that when I was about 11 she had a drug problem and was raped. I can't say that this is reliable information or that I believe it. It does seem to make sense though. Her three older siblings tormented her as a child.\n\nAbout 1 year ago, my grandma kicked my mom out of her house for financial issues they had. My mom was left with absolutely nothing. She had a medical leave of absence from work, no car, no money, and no home. Luckily my dad (her ex husband) saved the day and took both of us in. Within two weeks he kicked her out for her behavior and lived from home to home. Ever since then she has many financial and mental issues.\n\nAbout 4 months ago, my grandma and my mom made amends.\n\nHer mental state affects me a lot. I am the one who takes care of her 24/7 and I feel like I'm never going to have a life of my own because she depends on me so much. In the last 6 months, she has had her re-possessed and we have come close to being evicted twice.\n\nMy mom and I just got into a huge fight. I feel like I make her miserable and worse. I feel like I am her trigger. I told her this and she said \"Well if I don't have you, I might as well kill myself.\" She has said things like this before, but she seems completely serious. About fifteen minutes ago she apologized and cried that she didn't want to be alone.\n\nShe is currently not taking any medications nor is she seeing a mental health professional. She has money problems and absolutely no one to help her.\n\nI'm at a complete loss. I have no idea what I should do. I have no one else I can ask for help. I love my mom so much and would do anything to help her.\n\nSo what do you guys think I should do? How can I help my mom? What have you guys done in a situation similar to mine?", "answer": "Look into your state's mental health department/ see if there is a local community mental health center. They provide therapy/psychiatry at low/no cost for people who cant pay.\n\nAlso- if she is actively manic or suicidal- take her to a hospital. Do NOT risk it. Regardless of money they can not turn her away. Personally, I work as a therapist at an inpatient hospital and we see lots of people who have no money or insurance. We get them stable, and get them prescriptions before they are discharged. So consider that an option.", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "xdmw5", "comment_id": "c5nc6tx"}, {"question": "Female 22, married.", "description": "I don't have a sex drive. Growing up, sex wasn't ever appealing to me, but I thought I was just a normal kid. I've had a few serious relationships before my marriage, going on 2 years, but nothing big. When my SO at the moment asked for sex or tried to spark a moment, I'd avoid it or force myself to give in. \nMy husband has a healthy drive and a great deal of patience. He puts up with my lacking urge wonderfully, yet we both know it's affecting our relationship. I am his first everything: girlfriend, love, kiss, and all. I'm worried that he'll grow curious for what's out there, what he's missing. \n\nAre there any ways to increase sex drive? Should I allow him to have an open relationship? I don't want us to suffer because I can't put out...", "answer": "Talk to your gyn. Make sure it isn't medical. Some women are prescribed tiny amounts of testosterone to boost libido. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rvt0x", "comment_id": "dl84dce"}, {"question": "Is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "Early 20's Caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which I've had since I was a young teen). When I first developed symptoms of endometriosis I started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness I switched to progesterone only pills, which I've been on continuously for the past five years. I had surgery and was also on Lupron for one year. I have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but I also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of SLE. \n\nOne of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. Ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when I don't have a fever). Almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. There's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. It will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.\n\nI've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. For a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, I was kind of dropped by my doctors... I don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. My doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. My gynecologist says it's not, because I'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think I am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). He says that even though I am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy I'm on. \n\nThis has become very frustrating. I live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and I feel like I can't even go outside anymore. I feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. The only solution I've been offered is to take Tylenol every day, making sure I don't exceed 3,000 mg. I don't like this option because I don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when I'm not in a lot of pain. \n\nDo you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "Although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 F (37.0 C). Even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. There's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. Even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "e27bg1g"}, {"question": "Is there any way to deal with severe mental health issues without going to a professional?", "description": "A few years ago, I voluntarily checked myself into the local psych ward because I had severe depression and was starting to get pretty suicidal. This was a bad decision - the experience was bad enough that since then, I've fit most of the criteria for PTSD.\n\nSo obviously my mental health has only gotten worse since then, but I'd be at best extremely anxious about seeking professional help for it. Am I just screwed altogether, or are there other paths that I can take?\n\nThanks", "answer": "Severe depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation is likely too much to attempt to handle solely on your own or with self-help materials. It would be highly advisable to get a mental health professional involved. \n\nSince you have had a bad experience in the past, it might be helpful to seek it out in a different location/area and to possibly use connections with medical professionals you do have a good relationship with, like a family doctor for example. They can help you ease into it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ecvv1o", "comment_id": "fbej61a"}, {"question": "11 months and some thoughts. I'm just sharing as I hope my story helps people get through a tough night like some other stories on here have helped me.", "description": "Last week my work team held an afterwork get together at a local bar to celebrate meeting a goal and it honestly reaffirmed my decision not to drink.   Here are the reasons\n\nI arrived with everyone just about the same time.  I order an Arnold Palmer thinking that I didn't want a normal soda water that I normally get.  I start talking to one co worker and I am having a great time.  However, I start to notice somethings.   Everyone around me is on their 2nd to 3rd drink within a 30 minutes of arriving and I'm just finishing my first Arnold Palmer.   The person I am talking with has already had 3 vodka sodas..   Then it basically turns into a shit show of people letting lose talking bad about other coworkers, flirting with me(I'm married) and just general nonsense.  I just realized that before I stopped drinking these were the people that I used to drink heavily with when I was drinking and I can only imagine the things I've said and done that were similar.  I left there happy/proud that I wasn't drinking and on a better path now.   Fast forward to the next morning and people roll into work looking like death and Im feeling amazing.   This all led to me to reaffirm my commitment to myself to not drink.   I was really thinking about celebrating my one year sober by having a drink!  Now I know I'll celebrate it by not having a drink!\n\nTLDR: Went to a work party, everyone got smashed but me and they talked crap about each other.  I reaffirmed my goal to not drink on my upcoming 1 year anniversary of sobriety. ", "answer": "After my one year it became even more empowering to go through experiences like that. I will not drink with you today ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "69ko05", "comment_id": "dh7er6w"}, {"question": "Current SO has a problem ex! ADVICE PLEASE!!", "description": "I have really fallen for my SO over the past few months, but her ex is being a constant pain in the ass. We have done everything we could to cut him out of the picture but he always finds a way to contact and push buttons. I tell my SO that it doesn't bother me because at first it didn't but now it really is and I don't know what to do? HELP!! Should I distance myself from her until it blows over? Speaking to her about it is pointless because we have tried everything to make it stop!!!", "answer": "if he's stalking call the police", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66cvne", "comment_id": "dghgngb"}, {"question": "In/after a hobby/activity, is it weird to ask people how they are and find out what's going on in their lives?", "description": "I want to get to know people.\n\nI have hobbies, but I tend to only talk about the hobby.\n\nIs it strange if I ask people what's going on in their lives?\n\nWhat are their dreams, ambitions, wishes. What made them happy. What made them think...\n\nI just don't want to touch on any sensitive spots. I know I have a few events lately that hurt me a lot that I don't want to think about right now.", "answer": "Nope.  Not at all.  That's how you turn acquaintances into friends.  Just try not to go too fast all at once or they'll feel like they're being interrogated.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97910m", "comment_id": "e46jps4"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. I had to move home to my parent's house because I couldn't afford rent anymore. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder. He won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. Anything I can do?", "description": "Basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. Both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. I'm trying to leave when I can afford rent, but for now I'm here. And I need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. I am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. But, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" There is no arguing with a narcissist. So if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that I can take? I'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. No other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "Not sure if you are in the US. Is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? There may be legal action to look into; I'm just not entirely sure. Maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "f35xwqf"}, {"question": "I got poisoned! HELP! 22[M]", "description": " someone broke into my house and poisoned me, I know I have something under my skin because the person that did it told me so. What do I do to get it out of my system? Where do I go and what do I say? I know for sure I have something in me that keeps ruining my body but have no idea how to get it out. They said that I have tattoos under my skin that keep aging me also that drinking water is bad for me. I can feel my organs under stress and I'm also restless all the time, I can feel something like a heartburn sometimes, and I used to vomit in the morning occasionally but now I don't. I got poisoned twice, one time around a half a year ago and a second time around three weeks ago.\n\nI am 22 years old male 180 cm in height I have schizophrenia currently taking 15 mg olanzapine and have no other medical problems", "answer": "I think helpful advice has been given and this is turning into an argument instead. Closing the discussion.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ealjks", "comment_id": "favu82b"}, {"question": "I just started a paper that is due in less than 5 hours.", "description": "TL;DR: got distracted looking through Pinterest at Miraculous fanart, now it's 4:30 and I probably won't go to bed. Yay, me.\n\nSo, yeah, I have known about this paper since Wednesday, but I got busy doing other things (mainly internet and netflix related). Now, it's 4:30 am the day it is due, and I have been on the internet since 11:00. I have to wake up at 7:00 am. I'm probably going to end up watching netflix once I'm done with my paper, because otherwise, I'm not going to get up in time for class.\n\n*sigh* just a rant. Carry on with your day (or night, I guess). Start your homework, if you haven't already. Go to bed. Do something more productive than Reddit.\n\nGoodbye for now, everyone!", "answer": "Since it is now over 5 hours ago since you posted I hope you were able to finish it okay!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "635b91", "comment_id": "dfsawm9"}, {"question": "Acceptance was the answer", "description": "When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.\n\nAnd acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation\u2014some fact of my life \u2014unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God\u2019s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life\u2019s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.\n\nShakespeare said, \u201cAll the world\u2019s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.\u201d He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God\u2019s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.\n\n-Alcoholics Anonymous, page 417", "answer": "I love that story, so many great passages in it. \"Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations\"", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "keankw", "comment_id": "gg3xt7y"}, {"question": "I'm a college student and I think I may have a sever anxiety and/or depression issues. How do I get help? I don't know what to do.", "description": "My university's health services are notoriously bad and I'll have to wait months to see someone. I'm in the US btw. I can't really talk to my parents about it because they don't believe in mental health issues, they think I just have a discipline problem. I'm 20 years old.\n\nFor context, I worked hard in high school and got into a very good college, but am now essentially unable to do anything. I constantly feel anxiety in my stomach and have a hard time even checking my email, and I can't even muster the motivation to get up in the morning. It may just be me being a lazy POS, but I feel like I should talk to someone.\n\nPlease lmk if I should post this elsewhere.", "answer": "You could also ask in r/AskPsychiatry.\n\nYou don't really have a specific question here. If you have insurance, even through your parents, there should be a number on the card that you can call for mental health services. The networks they have can be frustrating to access and getting to see someone can take months regardless. University health services might at least be a start for you, and they might be able to make a referral.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hbn2op", "comment_id": "fvco07f"}, {"question": "Day three, this is hard.", "description": "Day three ya'll. This is really fucking hard. I went to a day meeting, and then a night time young persons' meeting. During the entire young persons' meeting, and after the night meeting where we all went to a diner afterwords, unless someone was talking to me I was in a bad mood. The thought of a cold beer was (and right now currently still is) sounding like an amazing idea. The taste, the feeling, everything about it.\n\nI've also told myself to stop smoking while I'm doing this, since I've pretty much only every smoked while drunk, but today a fellow AA member let me have a cigarette. It didn't really help all that much.\n\nI've got the shakes, everything is pissing me off. I went for a straw and only picked up an empty straw wrapper for my root beer and wanted to hit something. Everything is irritating.\n\nI feel tired, but don't think I am going to be able to sleep. One lady told me yesterday to simply think, \"Today I didn't drink, and that's a good thing.\" I know it's good, but goddamn I want to drink right now.\n\nWhen a fellow AA member gave me their number today, my hands shook bad, and it was hard to type their info into my phone.\n\nI'm doing good, but fuck is it ever so fucking hard.\n\nThanks for reading. Sorry for the rant. Please someone tell me that everything is going to be okay.\n\n\n\nEDIT: I really feel like these are the moments where I should call someone, but I feel like I would be bugging them. Is this wrong?\n", "answer": "Congratulations and hang in there.  Day 3 was the worst for me by a mile.\n\nDefinitely call people; they give you their numbers for a reason, and odds are you'll be helping them (without realizing it) as much as you're helping yourself by reaching out.  As they say, numbers only work if you use 'em.\n\nAnother tip that helped me is to eat brown rice.  Something about the sugars in brown rice is the same or similar to the sugars in alcohol, which is one of the things your body is craving so severely.  It was explained to me early on but I forget the exact reason (sorry 'bout that).\n\nIn any case, hang in there.  You're doing great so far.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "udhs2", "comment_id": "c4uow4f"}, {"question": "Does anyone know an appropriate way to let my neighbors know their dog barking is upsetting me? ", "description": "A month or so back new neighbors moved in next door. The house is not far away from mine. They have been leaving their two german shepards outside tied on to a dog house in a small yard. Their yard is maybe a meter away from my bathroom and the rest of my house. \n\nI have problems with sensory integration, so loud unexpected noises bother me. Meltdowns, becoming voilent (towards stuff not people) and hurting myself ine xtreme cases. I use sensory integration therapy and weighted blankets and loud music to cope.\n\nBut this is crazy. I almost had a melt down because I had to take a shit but the dog was barking. It's so close to my bathroom it sounds like it's literally outside the wall barking at me.\n\nI CAN\"T GO OUTSIDE WHEN THE DOG IS OUTSIDE OR IT WIL BARK AT ME! I'm trying to overcome severe anxiety, maybe even post traumatic stress disorder. I'm inside all the time anyways. I tried to go outside just to put garbage in my shed, for the first time in months and my neighbor's dog started barking at me and I had a meltdown because I was outside 20 seconds. I'm a shut in and I don't want to be...usually it was just due to other anxieties not actual reasons.\n\nDoes anyone know what the appropriate way to deal with this situation is? I'm already coping with it by getting extra deep pressure input and music, and my Dad is going to phone animal control tomorrow. (I don't live with my parents though, I just don't want to deal with phoning them.)\n\nI also wrote this to vent a little bit. I haven't talked to my neighbor's at all since they moved in, or any of my neighbor's actually. (Maybe I would if I could go outside with their dog not barking at me!) So I just don't know how to talk to people in general...I really need to let them knwo though maybe. Animal control is closed on the weekends. ><", "answer": "I would bark whenever the dog barks... but I am fuckin' weird...", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "v6y08", "comment_id": "c51xdyy"}, {"question": "Questions about kidney health", "description": "Age: 30    Weight: 120    Sex: Male   Race: White   Location: Kidneys    Length of Time: 3 years    Past Medical History: Healthy     Medications - Pentoxifylline\n\nI started noticing dull pain sensation in left kidney every time after drinking alcohol starting 3 years ago. It was directly correlated to drinking alcohol as the symptoms were not present otherwise. Drinking has in my opinion been done in moderation however for the past 2-3 years I have stopped drinking altogether. There were however maybe 2 or 3 occasions when I was younger in which I drank to the point where I may have done some long term damage. Recently, slight twinges and pain sensations in both kidneys have come about recently even after not drinking alcohol. Questions are below:\n\n1. I was not aware of kidney pain being related to alcohol, is this common?\n2. Is it possible for 2 or 3 heavy drinking events to cause long term damage to kidneys or would it have to be an accumulation of heavy drinking over time?\n3. What are the gold standard tests/exams to check for kidney function?\n4. How are kidney donors tested to confirm they have healthy kidneys for transplants?\n5. What are some tips to promote healthy kidney function?", "answer": "1. No, it's not common.\n2. Nothing is impossible, but it would be extremely unlikely for even a couple of extreme benders to cause any lasting damage to your kidneys or liver.\n3. You'd want a nephrologist for this, which I'm not. The gold standard tests are things like inulin clearance for glomerular filtration rate. In practice it's almost never used, and the simpler measurements of serum electrolytes and creatinine and urinalysis are used to evaluate kidney function.\n4. As above, potential donors' kidneys are evaluate most often by simple bloodwork; the overall evaluation of the donors is more thorough, but includes things like projecting long\\-term risk and assessment of reasons for donation.\n5. If you have healthy kidneys there's no much you need to do. Don't become dehydrated, keep your blood pressure under control, avoid developing diabetes or keep your blood sugar under control if you do.\n\nI'm left wondering whether this is kidney pain at all, and if it is whether it's due to, say, kidney stones. Possibly you had kidney stones before that were small and hurt only while drinking, and now they're more significant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8eysv3", "comment_id": "dxza2uw"}, {"question": "Help with Avoiding Someone", "description": "Hello, everyone. Forgive me, posting to Reddit isn't something I do too often, so this might not be too high quality or the right length.\n\nI spent a while getting really close with a girl to try and get with her. While we ending up becoming really good friends, it never went past that, and I honestly reacted in a really poor way. I'm 19 and have never really had a real crush/attraction to someone before her, which was only conflated by depression and loneliness I've had for a while. She's been the only thing on my mind for almost half a year now, and I honestly believe I'm in love with her. I tried to just be friends with her, but I've decided I can't fall in love with someone else if she's in my life. She doesn't understand this, and thinks we should just be friends. \n\nI've cut off communications with her for two months now, and I don't plan on ever reestablishing contact. This would be the end of the story, but we're both moving to the same college campus next year. I'm excited to move out of my house and start a new life, but something that's causing me large amounts of anxiety is the fear that I'm going to meet her somewhere or see her. The advice I've been getting a lot is to join clubs or go out, but we share a lot of the same interests, and I'm worried that I can't do any of the activities I want without her being around. Something that further complicates matters is that my roommate is one of my best friends, but he's also best friends with her, and is trying to get me to just be friends with her (which is something that I don't think I can do with the way I feel about her). We're getting a small room, and I can't help but worry my friend will invite her over to try and get us together. I don't have any hard feelings towards her, but I'd just like to be left alone.\n\nSo, my question would either be:\n\n\"How do I avoid this person while doing the things I like to do?\" or \"How do I handle it if we accidentally meet somewhere?\" Thanks.", "answer": "Learn the subtle art of not giving a fuck. \n\nIn short: step 1; decide what not to give a fuck about, step 2; do NOT give a fuck about it. \n\nElse: identify the toxic things and people in your life that keep pulling you down; keeping you stagnant and have no significant addition to your life and simply cut them off. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8yhjv1", "comment_id": "e2ayq32"}, {"question": "Friend in her 30's has started stealing...why?", "description": "My oldest friend and i had a few drinks last night and she told me that she started stealing from department stores about 3 months ago. She doesnt need what she steals she does it because she can. She said its not even exciting. I was shocked, she has a good job and alot going for her. Can any therapist shed some light on why she has started doing this? Shes in her 30's! \n\nThanks", "answer": "Without a comprehensive diagnostic assessment, it is impossible to say what is motivating this behavior. There are so many unknown factors, from potential recent stressors to potential childhood trauma and everything in between, that would all need to be examined. However, I would encourage your friend to meet with a therapist. While we don\u2019t know why, she is definitely engaging in risky behavior that could have an enormously negative impact on her life. I would express your concern and offer to help her find a local therapist. If other friends or family are also aware of her behavior, you could enlist their help/suggest that they have a similar conversation with her about their concerns and encourage therapy. \n\nGood luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4wf5c", "comment_id": "es707rd"}, {"question": "27f, MyChart-like system says that my value for \"Hep A Total Ab\" is positive. WTH is going on?", "description": "27 year old female. 5'6, 160 lbs. In the midst of getting a possible celiac disease diagnosis. Meds: Concerta 27mg, Rexulti .5mg, Zoloft 100mg, Vistaril (as needed).\n\nI'm freaking out a little because in looking at some blood work results on a MyChart-like system, it says this:\n\n\nComponent - Hep A Total Ab\n\nYour Value - Positive\t      \n\nStandard Range - Negative\n\n\n\n\nThe nurse practitioner I spoke with over the phone said NOTHING about this? Can anyone give me some insight? My doc isn't answering the phone.", "answer": "You've probably been immunized. If not, you've gotten hep A in the past and are now immune the hard way.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9d6qnn", "comment_id": "e5foqq5"}, {"question": "Trigger Warning: I started writing my own suicide note today", "description": "I know it's stupid and I'm not looking for pity or compliments. I just want to get this off my chest. \n\nI've been here before and I've gotten myself out of dark places before. But I'm just tired. You work so hard to get yourself into a good, healthy, self-love place and it all just crumbles so damn quickly. And i'm just too tired to do it all again. \n\nAt the end of the day, i know I won't do it because if i was, i wouldn't be here writing this. I know that life has so much for me and i know that when wake up tomorrow i have so many opportunities to make my life better. I also know i don't deserve it. I've fooled everyone into thinking, from my friends and family to my therapist that I'm a good person, but it's bullshit. \n\nI guess there was no real point to this post. If you've read this far then I'm sorry for wasting your time, but if you can relate then take solace in knowing you aren't alone in your feelings. If you can't relate, be grateful x", "answer": "Depression is a very good liar, don\u2019t believe what it tells you about your worth. Don\u2019t believe what it tells you when it says you are a bad person. \n\nI\u2019m glad that you chose to give yourself another chance. You should call your therapist or somebody who can help keep you safe if you need to \u2764\ufe0f", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bur7px", "comment_id": "ephltcm"}, {"question": "Is it bad when if I have to initiate everything?", "description": "Long story short I've been talking for this girl for a few days and we've had some good long conversations. However I don't feel like she ever initiates anything. Is that a bad sign or is that how girls are all the time? Do I always have to make the move to try to make any advances with her?", "answer": "That's very common, especially among women/girls. For whatever reason there's a lot of societal pressure for girls to be more passive in relationships, let the guy take charge, go along with what he says, etc etc. From personal experience it's hard to shake that habit even when you realize it causes problems, lol.\n\nUp to you if it bothers you too much or not. If you end up in a longer-term relationship with her, it may be worth asking her about (respectfully!). Or, you could even say now that you'd love for her to initiate sometime if she feels comfortable with it. Or you could wait and she might warm up to the idea later. For now, I wouldn't be TOO worried.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e5p3jt", "comment_id": "f9l5jgu"}, {"question": "Wife(34) is becoming/has become asexual?", "description": "Last week, my wife of almost 12 years told me that she hasn't found another person sexually attractive in a purely physical sense for about 10 years. She also said that she never physically desires sex until after we've already started having sex. She says that it feels good once we start and that she enjoys it, but all that I can hear is that she isn't EVER interested beforehand and that it's uncomfortable to her to get going. \n\n​\n\nI am concerned for her sexual health and identity and want to do whatever I can to help her. I am horrified at the idea that she hasn't been physically attracted to anyone, INCLUDING ME, for the past 10 years. I'm embarrassed both that she hasn't been attracted to me and upset with myself for not learning of this issue sooner. We are seeking a local marriage counselor, but I wanted to post here as well, mainly for the cathartic ability to speak selfishly while still seeking potentially helpful advice. I have been processing her comment since last Tuesday and I think I'm ready to get some feedback. Trying to decide how much detail to give is difficult, here's my best effort. \n\n​\n\nLately, my wife and I have been struggling to get along as easily as we used to. We started dating when we were 18 years old, got married at 22, and had our first child at 25(her)/26(me). Following our oldest child's birth, I noticed that my wife's libido seemed to be lessened. I don't just mean for a month or three after birth, I mean that our child was 18 months old and my wife was still far less interested in sex than she had previously been.\n\n​\n\nSince our oldest child was born, she has consistently explained her diminished (and continually diminishing) libido in a variety of ways, but the overriding explanation she has given is that she is \"tired.\" As her libido has trended down from 4-5 times a week to once every 3 to 4 weeks, I have spent time trying to fix whatever the cause of the loss is. She has been on post-partum zoloft after our two younger children were born and I'm aware of the effect that it can have on libido, but the diminished libido remained even after she weaned off.\n\n​\n\nWith her complete lack of lust as an explanation, her failure to initiate and her feeling too tired for sex takes on a far different light. Suddenly, I can understand why chores would be more important than sex. If you have no desire for sex and you feel tired, you're not going to want to ignore the dishes in the sink to go fool around. With this info, I can wrap my head around her actions/reactions to things, her lack of initiation, etc. It finally makes sense. \n\n​\n\nWhile I can subjectively understand it now, if I place myself in her place and imagine a total lack of lust, I can't imagine being okay with being in that state. Selfishly, I want to be pursued in the same way that I pursue her. I want to be desired too. If I had known this before we were married, it would have been a deal breaker for me.\n\n​\n\nI'm not really sure what I'm asking for or expecting by posting this, but I'm hoping someone with experience might be able to tell me that there is hope and that it's worth it to put in the work. (I can't imagine that this will be a quick or easy thing to fix, and that's assuming that \"fix\" is even the correct word. Maybe I'm a selfish dick and there's nothing wrong with her. Maybe I'm the one with a problem and sex once a month is normal. I suspect that's not true, but I should probably find out before I make some comment about it.) \n\n​\n\nBased on her self reported timeline, the loss of physical lust pre-dates our oldest child's birth, and theoretically isn't related only to Zoloft. She recently switched birth control from Progesterone to Apri, but with no apparent effect, although that could be contributing.", "answer": "A sexologist could help you to understand each other. Not thinking about sex until it happens doesn't have to be abnormal, but that doesn't mean you can't be struggling with it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1sx8a", "comment_id": "ergjclz"}, {"question": "Polite reminder: you are not your mental illness", "description": "Do not let BPD define you as a person, its only a part of you.\n\nTake care of yourselves \u2665\ufe0f", "answer": "Polite reminder : you are responsible for your mental illness", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "eg58sa", "comment_id": "fc5btmr"}, {"question": "Paralysis", "description": "Soooo I just noticed that when I get totally overwhelmed, I drop everything and look at Reddit or other sites.  Good to know.\n\nHope everyone reading this has a really great day!", "answer": "Me too!  There is actually a concept called \"Paralysis of Will\" for ADHD.  When presented with a task, our minds can shut down from being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. It has nothing to do with being \"Lazy\".   ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60vvpc", "comment_id": "dfa1h6w"}, {"question": "23 average everyday male, cannot stop eating pus and anything else from my body", "description": "Hi, throwaway obviously because this is really disgusting and embarrassing, but I have never been able to get answers and hoping someone can help.\n\n​\n\nI am your perfectly average male, very sporty and work out a lot, have a great social life/family/friends/girlfriend but what they all dont know is how much I have to eat anything from my body. Since I can every remember I have always picked and ate my own scabs, boogers, dandruff, fingernails (only when once cut), eye goop, blackheads (these are by far my favorite), eyelashes and even pubes. \n\n​\n\nI am puzzled because I do not like and have no interest in consuming piss, shit, hair from anywhere except pubes, or very thick hairs like nipple hairs, semen or large amount of blood. If I get a cut I do like to lick it though or eat the scabs.\n\n​\n\nThis isn't something that is a treat for me, it is more like I have to eat it! I understand it is gross and I don't know why. I like the taste of all of them the texture of a chewy big blackhead it the best, but it is at a point where I don't want to have this issue. It hasn't impacted my life in anyway because I am always stealthy about it, but I know it can't be healthy.\n\n​\n\nI need to do it so bad that for instance if I have a big piece of dandruff  fall that I am aware of, if I don't get to eat it I get anxious. I have eaten dandruff off of bathrooms floors (my own), desks, pretty much anywhere. Somethimes when I am studying I will shake my hair for ages until the whole desk is covered in flakes and then pick the big pieces out or like the whole desk.\n\n​\n\nSorry if this is gross but please I just want answers", "answer": "I\u2019m a psychiatrist. What you describe can be treated with medications (such as SSRIs and NAC) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It\u2019s actually quite common.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c6yvb3", "comment_id": "escwjlp"}, {"question": "When is a hug ok?", "description": "I am a manager. My employee told me her grandfather had passed away and so I initiated a hug. \n\nShe did not seem to mind and from my point of view appreciated my sympathy. My wife was visiting my work when this happened and thinks the hug was inappropriate since I am her direct supervisor and I have only known her for 2-3 months. She thinks I need more boundaries in a work place setting.\n\nThe employee is a pretty attractive woman and even though I am her direct supervisor, I see her as more of a peer/ coworker. \n\nYour opinion please.", "answer": "I got hugs from several TSA officers this past weekend thanks to looking like shit from grieving my dog\u2019s passing. I didn\u2019t feel that it was inappropriate of them and definitely would not have any complaint for any HR department.\n\nI feel like death is one of those things that makes hugs okay as long as the person is open to it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ce9mgd", "comment_id": "eu23tdy"}, {"question": "How can I stop being such a failure in life? Someone told me that I should go see my doctor since I might need to be get ADHD treated... Suggestions?", "description": "I know deep inside what I need to do. I never do it though. Its recursive.\n\n1/20 times I do something I actually plow through the work. (I'm talking about academics) Now the challenge is to get myself to do things right those 19/20 times!\n\nI went through a denial phase when I realized that I have to take a course again after getting a straight F in it. I was like \"maybe I should just switch out of ECE.\"\n\nI'm taking it again this semester and got my first test back. I got a mid B on it. I'm disappointed. I need an A in this class to offset that failure that I had last semester.\n\nAnd its not like I got only a B while doing 100s of other productive things in life.\n\nI just have my sorry ass at home wasting my time on the internet. Its compulsive as fuck.\n\nI recently quit video gaming. But I realized that the time I waste gaming is spent doing other stupid shit. Like going online, having a super elaborate meal, etc.\n\nAnd its not just being a bad test taker. Its not like I'm working on some incredible personal projects either like some of my more successful peers have.\n\nI've always failed in life. Throughout middle school, high school, etc. I didn't even get into this school initially. I had to go to my backup school and transfer here which I even think I was a bit lucky.\n\nI really don't know how I can fix my compulsive habit of wasting time.\n\nPeople in some of my classes when I am in group study sessions always tell me in a non joking matter that I should really see a doctor since when I really do something and get my mind to it I do it well. But these situations are very rare for me. I keep walking around the room randomly and just don't focus.\n\nPlease. I'm really tired of being a failure. I am unable to master a skill or do anything...", "answer": "Honestly, not sure if its ADHD. Sounds more like demotivation and the fact that theres a million other pleasurable things you can do instead of your studies. Still, if you're concerned, go see a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vdx0k", "comment_id": "de1gp7q"}, {"question": "Medical mystery- scar on old woman\u2019s back, supposedly from heart surgery as a young girl", "description": "Not sure if this is allowed here, but I learned of this mystery over the weekend and I\u2019m curious. \n\nMy husband\u2019s great grandmother has a large scar on her back, between the shoulder blades, along the spine. There\u2019s no knowledge of what surgery she would have had, but here are the various stories from different members of the family/community \n\nShe was born with her heart on the wrong side of her body and it had to be fixed (old family friend reported this- obviously false- we wonder if it was a cover story the parents told around town for some reason, though?)\n\nShe had to have fluid removed from her lungs (this is the story she herself tells)\n\nShe had some other heart surgery (the rest of the family feels this must have happened- she\u2019s always been reported as having \u201cheart issues\u201d, potentially had rheumatic fever as a child and has leaky valves now).  \n\nSome details:\nThis would have happened circa 1935, plus or minus a few years, when she was less than 10 years old (born in 1930). She remembers being weak as a child and having to be carried up any stairs including at school. She believed she would not live to adulthood. \n\nAny ideas what surgery she may have had? I find it hard to believe they\u2019d go in from the back for either heart or lung issues, but hey, I\u2019m not a doctor, and certainly not an old timey 1930\u2019s doc. \n\nPlease let me know if I should provide any other information. She would never allow pictures to be taken or posted.", "answer": "By chance, did she have diphtheria or polio as a child?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl6yr3", "comment_id": "emok81r"}, {"question": "I [23F] feel I have some kind of mental illness, my GP doesn't care, my therapist thinks mindfulness & positive thinking will cure me", "description": "My life since early adolescence has been a struggle. My home life as a kid was awful, including so much verbal & emotional abuse at the hands of my batshit mom & alcoholic stepdad as well as sexual abuse from another kid at one point. I spent years self harming, binge drinking and eating, and attempting suicide. I met a boy and now I'm a bit happier. Happy enough to try and get help. My GP gave me an SSRI and told me to book a therapist so I can stop the meds soon. My therapist told me to try breathing exercises.\n\nMy initial reaction to my therapist is anger. I don't think my problems are as simple as breathing, mindfulness. I've tried those methods independently and while they can help, they are not a cure. This SSRI is helping for now, but I don't want to go back to the life I was leading before. Even with my SO, even with the antidepressant, life is a struggle for me. I'm tired of struggling. What do I do? I feel like I want an actual diagnosis or a root cause, but my therapist is saying she sees no personality or mood disorder. \n\nHere are some of my symptoms for reference:\n\n* dissociation/depersonalization/derealization\n* panic attacks\n* constant anxiety over 1 billion little things\n* low self esteem \n* self hatred\n* suicidal thoughts\n* racing thoughts\n* insomnia at times, sleeping too much at others\n* inability to keep to a schedule\n* brain fog\n* cant enjoy anything\n* short attention span and memory \n* constantly tired\n* paranoia \n* super impulsive at times \n* self destructive urges\n* hypersensitivity \n* extremely insecure\n\nHelp.\n\n**TL;DR** my GP gave me an SSRI on the condition I go to therapy, my therapist thinks all I need is the power of positive thinking and mindfulness coping skills. I don't agree and feel there's something deeper.", "answer": "I think you need to talk to your therapist about how unsatisfied you are and name your specific concerns.  She may be able to provide more rationale for her approach or more information about her long term plan for your treatment.\n\nIf she is unable to address them, I would find a different therapist, and discuss with that person during the first session what you feel your needs are and what their approach would be.  You may want to look for somebody with specific expertise in treating trauma if you feel that your childhood experiences are playing a big role.  A good therapist will be able to explain to you clearly what their theoretical approach is, what the goals would be, and what results you should expect (although of course things change as the therapy progresses).\n\nThis is a good article on choosing a therapist: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/14/key-questions-to-ask-when-choosing-a-therapist/\n\nIt's really important to find a good fit, somebody whose style works for you and who has experience working with the kinds of issues that you are dealing with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4nnyvc", "comment_id": "d45gixm"}, {"question": "Could there be any help for a guy whose head injury lead to extreme pedophilia?", "description": "Long story short, when I was younger, I fell off my bike, head hit the pavement. Over time I was attracted to girls younger and younger (exclusively) and I'm already at the point where I only like baby girls.  \nThe last neurologist visit confirmed that this accident was likely to be why.  \nHave you ever heard of anything quite like this happening? In real life I'm mostly a closet freak show. ", "answer": "Er, what neurologist would say that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6c2e12", "comment_id": "dhs2q29"}, {"question": "I\u2019m sick of hangovers", "description": "I\u2019m sick of saying this every weekend but I need to stop drinking at least until Christmas. Anyone have any tips or words of advice ", "answer": "This was me... the hangovers were my biggest problem... mentally and physically wrecked. Couldn't be there for my kids and husband in the normal ways. My drinking wasn't often out of control ( but was sometimes), it was the days after which really got me.\n\nChecking in here each day and making a clear decision to not drink each day really helped. I had to find other things to do to fill the down times.... and pure grit and determination. \n\nYou can do this. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9s19te", "comment_id": "e8ld77h"}, {"question": "Why does every guy say the same thing to me? It makes me feel like I'm the problem.", "description": "I've had three relationships and two which I considered serious. With these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. One of these relationships ended two days ago and I'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. At first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"I really value your friendship.\" Is there any chance of getting back together? He's actually a great guy but this depresses me. \n\nTL;DR: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. I want to know if I can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "do1g28q"}, {"question": "How to make husband stop playing games all day", "description": "Hello,\n\nMy husband has always been a gamer, but ever since we got married it has started taking over his entire life. \n\nHe plays around 12hours everyday. He basically only stops to eat and sleep... he doesn't work his parents pay all for him.\n\nWe barrely have any talking time at all. When he's playing he never answers me because he's too focused and when he's not, our conversations don't last long because he wants to continue playing. \n\nWhen I met him he already was a gamer and I didn't mind at all. I loved his hobby and loved watching him play. Besides playing he went to university and we spent lots of time outside talking about our future.\n\nHe's never been a very active person but he used to go out when I asked him too and talk a lot. Now that we're married he quit university and basically doesn't have a life outside of the room with his computer. I have told him several times I want him to game less, but he only lasts for a day...\n\nWhen I want to go anywhere I have to persuade him for days to go and even then he often cancells on the same day.\n\nRight now I'm in online university and need to study from home. Because we live in a one-room I have to bear with his gaming sound while studying and it's driving me crazy. I'll ask him to read a book so I can concentrate but he refuses. He just says he'll stop his game and surf the internet. But the clicking sounds is still annoying.\n\nAs the days pass by I'm starting to get really turned off by him. The only image I have of him all day his him playing, laughing at a screen chatting with strangers. \n\nWhat can I do to make him more active or minimise his playing? I already tried talking with him and threatening doesn't work. He just tells me to leave if I'm not happy...\n\nWhat can I do so that he finally starts having passions again? Something other than games.\n\n\n\n\n(Sorry for my English)\n\n", "answer": "you tell him what you need. if he won't respond or no compromise possible, then u decide whether the good is worth the bad", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vidc4", "comment_id": "de2cb65"}, {"question": "had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day, frequent urination then headache after consuming salty chips quickly", "description": "so i had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day i was urinating frequently and drank a good amount of water. so i thought the urinating frequently may be because of lack of sodium, so i ate a bunch of salty chips real quick and now have a headache. and feel bad. i've read that after too many ivs you can cause problems by adding sodium too quickly.", "answer": "Why did you need the iv fluid in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5tm4jo", "comment_id": "ddnowbf"}, {"question": "Confessing my attraction to my therapist", "description": "So I am a 20 year old female with borderline, currently in treatment.\nMy therapist is the ultimate target when it comes to my severe daddy issues and need to feel loved and validated. \nHe's almost 40, tall, kind of good looking with a terrific sense of humor and the kind of therapist who feels a lot like a buddy more than a authority. \nAnd he's in a relationship with a woman who couldn't be more different than I am. \nAnd of course, my attraction started to get in the way of literally everything and I had to come clean because therapy simply will not work if I'm spending all my time trying to be the ultimate desirable romantic interest.\nHe let me down gently. I knew he would. I had no delusions whatsoever that he would feel the same way. It hurt all the same. I'm so fucking sad and humiliated and I try to be mature and cool but at the same time my heart aches because I wasn't enough.", "answer": "Part of this is realizing you weren't actually attracted to him. He supplied a need, to feel listened to and to be made important. He made you feel like you matter and your issues are important too. He may have provided some calm. All of this and more led to you splitting on him, idolizing the behaviors and strengths you wish you had in yourself, and feeding into the desire to cross that boundary and equalize your relationship (since he knows all about you, and you know nothing about him). I promise you, I guaran-fucking-tee it, if you ever met this man outside of therapy and tried to date you wouldn't be as attracted to him nor would you feel this way. \n\nIt's just another way our emotions use intimacy as a way to manipulate our brain. It's another self destructive, maladaptive coping skill we subvert to because therapy is a vulnerable place. And being vulnerable is hard, so the defenses kick into overdrive. Don't get played by your insecurities", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ejefhg", "comment_id": "fcx7v46"}, {"question": "Should I take my ex back?", "description": "I was in a year long relationship with my ex (21M), I'm (20M). He dumped me in August and has recently asked me for a chance to fix things. I feel as if I have walls that can't be broken down, but I told him if he can win back my trust then I can try again.\n\n He broke up with me because of family issues he needed to deal with, and also I had anxiety which didn't help either. It was very hard on me, especially because I had to see him frequently. He seemed totally happy after the break up, as if he never loved me. I am in a much better place, but as of now I am confused on what I should do. I worked on my problems, but I'm worried if I learn to trust him, I will see that he hasn't worked on his issues and I'll have to end the relationship. \n\ntl;dr\nShould I take him back, or block him out of my life? My guard is up as of right now. ", "answer": "judgment call i'm afraid; everyone has diff. comfort zones in the realm of risk/reward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vy7l2", "comment_id": "de5wti8"}, {"question": "Reporting rape on a college campus?", "description": "Has anyone had any experience with this? I'm at the crossroads on whether I go forward, and if the investigation comes to rape; then my rapist will be expelled. I'm absolutely terrified of retaliation, and so unsure of what to do.", "answer": "I am also a former college administrator, and while what the other poster says is true, it's also not the whole story.  The college's priority is protecting itself from lawsuits-- that means a lot of things that won't seem fair might happen.  For example, if you are in the same dorm as the person who perpetrated against you, you would be the one who is asked to move if you don't want to be in the same vicinity, because nothing is yet proven against the perpetrator. Similarly for classes, etc.  A no contact order can be put in place, but that often won't help with the more insidious friend-of-a-friend harassment.\nBe prepared for a lot of people to question your account of things, and if your school's judicial board is not well trained (many are not-- in fact, most) they will ask questions that are invasive and down right victim blaming. \nThe process will likely be lengthy, and even if your perpetrator is found guilty, that doesn't necessarily mean expulsion-- often it can mean a suspension until the victim graduates, a suspension for a year, etc. \n\nI don't say this to discourage you from reporting, but rather to give you a realistic perspective. The school's priority is itself, not you, I am VERY sorry to say.  \n\nThis issue is why I'm a FORMER college administrator-- I found the way they handled assault and harassment cases horrible, and I couldn't in good conscience continue.\n\nYou may also want to check and see if your school is one of the many that is being investigated under title 9 (which covers sexual assault):http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/us-department-education-releases-list-higher-education-institutions-open-title-i\n\nFeel free to PM me if you think it would be helpful.\n", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2eagvi", "comment_id": "cjy3zis"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a Russian Jew and people feel I\u2019m condescending and cold", "description": "Hello and thank you all for reading and weighing in. \n\nI\u2019m 35 and have been in the US for most of my life (since 7) - I don\u2019t have an accent. But I very much was shaped by my culture. My family is argumentative and my mom can be a bit mean and sharp herself. \n\nI have several friendships that have lasted over the years. But due to moving every other year when I was young, I got used to changing friends and not working on relationships. So it\u2019s something I\u2019m actively trying to work on now. \n\nI\u2019ve been complaining to my partner how I don\u2019t have a \u201cbest friend\u201d, that one girlfriend I can call anytime with anything. Someone to hang out with. In our mid 30s things are different I realize. \n\nAnyway my bf is telling me that I need to change how I am with people. That I can\u2019t be so cold. And people perceive me as condescending. I\u2019ve been told this before and he says he\u2019s heard from others similar experiences. \n\nI tend to get argumentative, I\u2019m kind of a know it all. \n\nI\u2019ve studied and practiced meditation for years. But don\u2019t practice daily. \n\nIs there hope for me? What can I do to improve my personality so people receive me better and so that I can build stronger more loving bonds with people in my life?", "answer": "Aww that would be so hurtful and difficult to hear. I\u2019m so sorry. As someone that\u2019s known and been friends with many Russians and Eastern Europeans I know a lot of that is cultural.  Some more Americanized Americans tend to sugar coat things and use a lot of \u201cfluff\u201d in how they talk and interact with others especially the southern states where I was for 15 years (this isn\u2019t a criticism just an observation and I\u2019m totally guilty of this too also Canadians are probably extra fluffy and polite lol I grew up in both places so I\u2019ve seen it).   Sometimes it\u2019s about finding the right people who accept you for who you are. Some people might think those things for whatever reasons, others won\u2019t or they won\u2019t take it personally.  There are also ways to help soften some of your ways of being.  It sounds a bit like you didn\u2019t really have the role models growing up that were warm and fuzzy so you never really had the opportunity to learn what that\u2019s like. So there may be some things to adjust and work on, not completely change who you are. \n\nYou\u2019ve been given the opportunity to start being more aware of yourself and your ways of interacting.  You can start to notice when you might be coming off in these ways and see if there\u2019s a different way to word it to soften what you\u2019re saying. Did you bf give you any examples of when you\u2019re coming off cold or condescending? That might be a place to start.\n\nEdit: wanted to add it is really hard to find friends in your 30\u2019s, I\u2019m right there with you. The friends that I could reach out to all live really far away and I haven\u2019t really found them where I live now.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "es0whp", "comment_id": "ff8cjgp"}, {"question": "I really could need some advice on this one", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You started by talking about what sounds like a pretty bad deal that life threw at you.  Namely, having an ill mother who needs taking care of and your father leaving you to do it all on your own.  Along with the school stuff, your situation has just been awful.  \n\n\nMost people that think of suicide don't actually want to die.  What they want is an escape.  They want either an escape from all the stressors of their current situation and/or an escape from the pain they're experiencing.  Suicide seems like the quickest and easiest way to get this so a depressed mind goes there.  \n\n\nYou may need to DRASTICALLY change your situation to get a better handle on your own life.  This might require finding someone to take care of your mother, changing careers, changing where you live (maybe even to another town, country, etc.).  \n\n\nWhen faced with the possibility of making big changes like this, most people make up excuses of why they could never do that.   For anyone who's actually considering ending their lives (I believe a study showed 50% of all adults have thought about suicide at least once in their lives), if you're capable of ending your life, you're capable of doing any of the things I've described above and plenty more.  \n\n\nThe big question to really work on in therapy is how do you escape your pain, your situation, without killing yourself.  Damn all the anxiety, all the guilt, whatever is keeping you from getting to the place you need to be.  Working through it and taking necessary actions might be difficult, but they're possible.  Your life depends on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bloai1", "comment_id": "emqzpf9"}, {"question": "Can someone tell me if my testosterone is low?", "description": "Heres the results of my DHEA and testosterone blood test.[here](https://imgur.com/a/ZtOXtGy)\n\nAbout me.\nMale\n21\nOn Humira\nCrohns diagnosis in 2012\nNo previous Medical issues\nUse cannabis recreationally\nNo other drug or alcohol use\n3 surgeries 2 of them being resections and one a hernia.\nI just began working out a week ago idk if that matters but prior i lived sedentary ", "answer": "No, your testosterone is not low.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aj3kbi", "comment_id": "eesnucd"}, {"question": "Hey there ladies and gentlemen, let\u2019s commit to NOT be on here tomorrow asking for a reset!", "description": "The weekend is upon us.  Secure your grip and check your footing.  The Sober Train is rolling, let\u2019s all stay onboard!\n\nIWNDWYT!  CHOO CHOOO \ud83d\ude82", "answer": "Yooo ready for a full Saturday of sunshine! Let\u2019s get it! IWNDWYT !", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "by13u4", "comment_id": "eqcdfm3"}, {"question": "Do therapists who only accept out of network insurance know whether or not you've been reimbursed?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I never know. I just print a super bill and hand it to the patient/client/evaluee.  That is the end of my involvement.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnjup4", "comment_id": "fxc7y7r"}, {"question": "Me [36M] with wife [32F] are constantly bickering after daughter was born. I feel like I've already lost my wife.", "description": "My daughter was born a little over a year ago.  The day she was brought home, my wife seemed to become a different person for good.  Much less relaxed, far less patient.  I know a lot of this is to be expected with a new child.  My wife cosleeps with the baby in a separate room, and at night I feel as though I am a stranger in my own home.  I sleep alone and in the morning, I kiss them bye before going off to a 9 - 5 job.\n\nI should clarify, my wife is a stay at home mom.  Before she was pregnant, I supported her for a couple of years so she could figure out what she wanted to do rather than work on her feet all day.  Ultimately, nothing came of that.  She has some depression, which has been helped a bit by taking Prozac.  Outside of the home, I virtually manage her life for her (against my liking).  I pay off debts, take care of appointments, plan social outings with friends for us.  As a father, it is still difficult for me to have something very meaningful with my daughter at such a young age.  I take her for regular stroller rides.  We go as a family to Disney, and I play with her as much as I can.  Our bond is good and getting better as she becomes more aware.\n\nNow, I am constantly being sieged about our struggling finances.  I make a good living, but we spend too much, and without two incomes, it is harder to get by.\n\nFor the last three-four years, she has had very little interest in sex, which has in the last two years dropped to zero interest.  She begrudgingly has sex with me a couple of times a week, frankly because she knows the relationship would implode very quickly if she were to cut that off as well as sleeping together.\n\nMy mom helps by watching our daughter whenever my wife needs rescuing, or when we have a date night, which is a couple of times a week.\n\nI am just not seeing much progress with my wife, and we have spent a lot of money on couples therapy and sex therapy.  I am very discouraged about all aspects of the marriage.\n\nHer communication is absolutely terrible.  Not long ago, we had an argument that started by me asking her flat out how she felt about our marriage - if she was happy, if she wanted to work on things.  She always says she is disenchanted with sex (claims she has no drive at all and isn't turned on by anything).  After the argument, she closed the door to her (and the baby's room) and wrote in her journal.  A few days later, feeling at a complete impasse, I decided to locate the journal, and read it.  I suppose I have some trust issues and often find out information that shouldn't be kept from me through spying.  To my horror, she had written that I was a slob and that living with me was like living with an adolescent.  She said I couldn't hold a steady job. (Not true, I have fully supported us for years, and have residuals from a side business coming in monthly.)  Her words were downright mean and showed me a resentful side of her I had not seen before.  With this information, I confronted her and went through each line of the few pages she had written on, asking for clarification.  I was furious at all she had withheld and wanted an explanation.\n\nShe wanted me to help more with house chores.  I have expanded beyond doing yardwork and taking out garbage and diapers/light housekeeping to doing several loads of laundry with her.  This seems to have helped somewhat, but I feel we are still on the brink of alienation.\n\nWhat can I do to improve my marriage?  I feel drained being the gatekeeper of communication all the time.", "answer": "you need marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78iszf", "comment_id": "dou599t"}, {"question": "120 days + my favourite quote, which resonates now more than ever.", "description": "\"In the greatest confusion there is still an open channel to the soul. It may be difficult to find because by midlife it is overgrown, and some of the wildest thickets that surround it grow out of what we describe as our education. But the channel is always there, and it is our business to keep it open, to have access to the deepest part of ourselves\u2014to that part of us which is conscious of a higher consciousness, by means of which we make final judgments and put everything together. The independence of this consciousness, which has the strength to be immune to the noise of history and the distractions of our immediate surroundings, is what the life struggle is all about. The soul has to find and hold its ground against hostile forces, sometimes embodied in ideas which frequently deny its very existence, and which indeed often seem to be trying to annul it altogether.\"\n\n-Saul Bellow, Noble Prize Winner.\n\nThis quote needs some clarification (it is a comment on his great novel *Herzog*, about a man in deep crisis). By soul/higher consciousness, he means this in a very literal (rather than mystical) way. 'Higher consciousness' here does not mean 'god' necessarily, (quite frankly, I see nothing specifically religious about his statement), merely a set of beliefs we regard as great. We all have them: e.g. I want to quit drinking, I want to be a better person, I want to lose weight, whatever... they differ from person to person, but we make certain goals or ideals at certain times. To use an analogy, I like to think of it as a back-up drive to a computer, separate from the main thing.\n\nBut reality is not so clean, not so focused. Reality can be cruel. Reflecting on history can be depressing (our own personal histories, and the history of civilisation). But we can always return to those initial statements we made. To continue the computer analogy, we're bound to get a virus, our computer is going to freeze, etc... we have to reboot now and again. Clear the drives, delete the unnecessaries, update our software. But we have that backup. And it's our job to keep it updated. To refer to it. Amend it if need be. This, as Bellow points out, is what the life struggle is all about.\n\nThanks for your help /r/stopdrinking!", "answer": "This is a beautiful thought from a great thinker.  Thanks for passing it on.  I stopped drinking when I was 23 and I'm 58 now.  I don't regret it.  I'm still working on keeping that channel open. \n\nHere's another:\n\nAn adult is a person who is not governed by demands for immediate pleasure, comfort and excitement. Moreover an adult is able to organize the events and emotions of their life into a memory, a rough meaning, a story. An adult understands that the world belongs primarily to the dead and we only rent it from them for a little while. They created it, they wrote its literature, its songs and are deeply invested in how children are treated because children are the ones who will keep it going. The adult is the one who has been able to preserve his or her intensities, including the intensities proper to their generation. An adult is one who goes out and gathers jewels of feeling for others. Finally, the adult understands renunciation.\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "25cjrn", "comment_id": "chfxvdp"}, {"question": "[F21] friends with [M22] for a little under a year now. Things have gone icy and I need help", "description": "So,  this guy and I met a while back and became close friends really quickly. Like, quicker than I ever have before. He is really sweet and thoughtful and easy to talk to, everything I\u2019d want in a good friend! We found it very easy to be affectionate with each other as we are both inclined to do with all of our close friends. \nAt this point in time, we live on complete opposite sides of the US (im in puerto rico, he is in alaska) but even so we found it easy to call each other up and text regularly to vent or check in or just joke around. \n\nSomewhere along the way, I developed a slight crush (and when I say slight, I actually mean slight) on him (I\u2019m asexual and he knows), so naturally since we were close I simply told him about it.  It was easy to tell him because he had already revealed to me that he had previously had a crush on me early in our friendship. \nUnfortunately for me, I suppose, he had a (and still has a) girlfriend by the time I told him but he reassured me up and down that it\u2019s fine. And we had a few conversations on the matter and we both agreed that the feelings were nobody\u2019s fault and we\u2019d simply move on with the thing. \n\nNow, however, ever since, nothing has seemed right. We still talk, yea, but it is way less frequent and nowhere near as easy as it was before. \nHe doesn\u2019t really talk about himself to me anymore, never really going beyond \u201cI\u2019m just really busy\u201d and \u201ci\u2019m good, hbu?\u201d And I am the one initiating about 80% of any of our (infrequent) conversations at this point. I feel like I\u2019m the only one doing the venting about what\u2019s going on with me and the imbalance is making me incredibly anxious. Like I\u2019m afraid of being his burden rather than his friend. \n\nMy natural inclination is to blame all the bad things on my confession of feelings on him but I can\u2019t help but feel there is more to it than that. Every time I try to ask him what\u2019s going on he has either said that he hasn\u2019t noticed anything feeling \u201coff\u201d the way I do or he just says that he has been busy. I don\u2019t know. It could also be his girlfriend has a problem with me, but he hasn\u2019t mentioned anything like that, but he also is the type who wouldn\u2019t tell me something like that to avoid upsetting me. \nIm just plain scared, confused, anxious, and at a loss. \n\nAny advice? \n", "answer": "He\u2019s not emotionally available right now, for temporary or permanent reasons that do or do not hinge on you telling him you had feelings for him. \n\nFocus on the rest of your life. \n\nDon\u2019t confess your romantic feelings to people unless you want something to change. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7wa9me", "comment_id": "dtysdek"}, {"question": "I [20M] have been dating my girlfriend [21F] for almost four years now. I'm starting to really have intense feelings for this girl I work with [18F].", "description": "This girl started working with me about 6 months ago. I never thought anything of it when she did, I thought she looked attractive and that was about it. It then moved on to my friend and I starting to joke with her and I became somewhat close with her. A few nights ago she texted me and told me she had strong feelings for me (even though she's been with a guy for months), and while I didn't tell her I did, I felt this emotion I hadn't felt since I first started falling in love with my current girlfriend. It was that intense, butterfly-nervousness I hadn't felt in a long time over another person and I quite frankly feel guilty over it but I don't dislike it. My girlfriend and I have been living together for about a year now and while I truly do love her (and we plan on moving out of our hometown for school next year), I can't seem to understand why I feel like this. I know it's probably just lust, but it's hard to control it when I work all the time with this girl, and besides the feelings she confessed we really are somewhat good friends. Is this normal? Or is there some hidden problem I don't seem to be taking into account.", "answer": "it is just lust. you can't compare something new with something familiar.  nothing compares to 'new'.    figure out where you're at with your gf before you do anything else.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc6bj", "comment_id": "dbmwk0z"}, {"question": "Stuck", "description": "My BF (33M) and I (35F) have been together nearly 2 years. We\u2019re engaged (sort of) and live together. He has a history of doing things behind my back (ie sexting other girls pics of himself and requesting the same in return; emails and texts to ex, etc) which I forgave and we BOTH worked towards rebuilding our relatiobship and being honest and committed. \n  However I\u2019ve noticed since the beginning of the year he\u2019s been extra withdrawn. At first he said it was a \u201chobby\u201d learning about various software programming and whatnot for a MacBook I bought him for Christmas. Then, he went from little to no convo to not talking to or spending time with me at all, and I can\u2019t help but shake the feeling there\u2019s more to it than \u201clearning about a hobby\u201d.\n  We\u2019ve argued numerous times and he says being in the same room counts as \u201cquality time spent\u201d, yet he doesn\u2019t engage or interact UNLESS he\u2019s in the mood; or requires something of my existence. \n  Also, his suspect behavior concerning other women has come back into play. He\u2019s secretive with passwords and has numerous cloud drives. He\u2019s began having private encrypted chats and texts with other/former flames and even invited a girl he has a past with into our bedroom (yet failed to tell me the extent of their relationship until SHE brought it to my attention). On top of it all he\u2019s moody; shouts at me all the time (even for asking questions or requesting we do something as a couple) uses profanity towards me regularly and is kind; talkative and patient with his friends and even other females. \n  I love him but I daily feel disrespected and as if he could care less if I\u2019m in his life or not. I don\u2019t want a failed relationship however deep down (and I\u2019ve been patient and understanding) I feel I deserve better treatment than this or at least minimally kindness. Could anyone tell me if I\u2019m blowing it out of proportion or asking fat too much. ", "answer": "You are totally right in your feelings. You're putting up with way too much sh*t.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "782fbm", "comment_id": "doqjjut"}, {"question": "Fear of Commitment?", "description": "I [26/f] have been together with my boyfriend [26/m] for 6 months and always feel, when we aren't physically together, that we are doomed to break up. He was, since the beginning of our relationship, very clear about his commitment issues. His parents were divorced when he was still a small child and he never had positive examples of healthy relationships during his upbringing. We talk about these things quite a lot and we've already had our share of crisis due to these doubts of his. He tells me that when he is alone to his thoughts that he unwinds a roll of negative views about everything in his life, in particular the likelyhood of our relationship working out. He says that he belives, deep down, that love relationships are pointless and that will eventually end. He also says that he doesn't want to have these thoughts and would just want to be \"normal\" (whatever that means). Most of the times we are together we are happy. Yes, he's a bit of a grouch but I love him and I really just want him to be happy. I really don't know how to help him. Honestly I feel at times dragged into a spiral of negativity, and would rather not spend so much energy on someone that might not be there for me when I need it.\nSometimes I feel I should break it off before I get hurt. ", "answer": "he needs a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tabwa", "comment_id": "ddlfiob"}, {"question": "Dissociation question", "description": "Hey everyone!\nI was just thinking back about a time (I was probably 15/16) I never really knew about mental health, but I was a generally happy- sometimes angry- teenage boy.\n\nAs I look back, I was definitely disassociating for a couple months at least. I went to the doctor, and he said to get my eyes checked. Regardless, I eventually stopped and haven\u2019t experienced it since.\n\nWhy would this happen to a happy, teen who had no anxieties?", "answer": "Dissociation is a human reaction that occurs naturally at times; when it happens during a routine day we might call it \"zoning out.\" There doesn't have to necessarily be a rhyme or reason all the time, although there are instances where it can definitely be pinpointed.\n\nI'm guessing by \"dissociating for a couple of months\" you mean relatively regularly, and not for an entire two month period. That is an entirely different level of severity there.\n\nWhen it starts to become problematic, we may find ourselves have difficulty focusing on completing tasks, forget important information, lose energy and motivation to work/go to school, and find it difficult to socialize. We often look at frequency (how many times is it occurring during the day) and severity (how long does it last? Are you still functional?) and then go from there.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "esfi71", "comment_id": "ff9ogdt"}, {"question": "I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day...", "description": "I spent the whole day alone and got food poisoning.", "answer": "At least you saved money?  Maybe you'll lose a little weight?\n\nSorry your day sucked.", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "45xhpi", "comment_id": "d0106yk"}, {"question": "How can I tell if I've flu/Covid19 symptoms, or its just health anxiety?", "description": "I've GAD, OCD, and depression. I have a lot of health anxieties and am fairly hypocondriac. I've regularly strongly questioned if I have various illnesses/disorders ranging from ADHD to cancer.\n\nI live in Republic of Ireland and the latest knowledge is that there is risk of spread of Covid19 through the public and if anyone has symptoms they should self isolate. Thankfully I'm not worried about dying from Covid19, and not really anxious about catching it since I wouldn't be considered at risk of severe issues.\n\nHowever I'm very anxious of knowing if and when to isolate myself to stop it from spreading to others. On one hand I experience some symptoms already from anxiety (fatigue, nausea etc) but with past ecperiences I have previously felt issues that were caused by thinking I'd have issues. As it's impossible to forget Covid19, I'm constantly feeling I might have a fever, or my head feels slightly funny.\n\nIs there anything to do to identify if something is mental or caused by mental state/belief, or if I've actually got symptoms and should isolate?", "answer": "https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/472f64-covid-19-coronavirus-guidance-and-advice/\n\nIf you're feeling unwell then phone your GP.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fidzqk", "comment_id": "fkgwejo"}, {"question": "When is comunication unhealthy?", "description": "In a relationship, it's always good to communicate your feelings and thoughts right? How else can things be solved if we don't talk about it. So... What do you do with particularly toxic feelings and unhelpful thoughts. Things that will only hurt the relationship and serve no purpose. Should those be voiced? Is it unhealthy to express these vile thoughts you know are wrong but you feel them anyway?", "answer": "Verbal abuse?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gshcmc", "comment_id": "fs63qxq"}, {"question": "Your thoughts", "description": "So I've been dating this girl for 6 months and I really like her alot, lately I've been questioning weather I should stay or not. Here is why, i have been crushed in my past before by cheaters. I have a history of being cheated on. And she is kinda my last chance at having an actual relationship, im kinda just giving up on trying to have a relationship with people anymore. She is best friends with her ex, and has text some else calling them cute. When I talked to her about it she said she was sorry and it didn't mean anything. She said it was just a stupid thing that she didn't mean, she begged for me to stay so I stayed, but lately I've been having major trust issues. I'm not sure if I do trust her, but I've also been losing trust in everyone and pushing everyone away. So my question is do you think that I should stay and try to make use work/ or for me just to get hurt. I'm afraid of getting hurt and I feel like that is why I am pushing everyone out of my life", "answer": "sounds like her boundaries with the ex could be off. that's a red flag for sure", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vn7r3", "comment_id": "de3czbt"}, {"question": "Is it unethical for a therapist, to publicly like comments that insult people with mental health issues?", "description": "I'm talking about Youtube therapist Dr. Todd Grande here, who is apparently obsessed with making videos about Narcissism, but that's not the point. I noticed that, when he's making videos on BPD, ASPD or NPD, he likes comments under his video where people straight up insult those suffering from those personality disorders. Dr. Grande likes comments like \"They are full of shit, lol. Try saying [blank] to them, trust me, it's driving them absolutely nuts\". So he pretty much supports people, who not only insult, but also suggest to bother those people. Seeing that reminded me of that unprofessional comment from Katie Morton, where she pretty much said those people were \"disgusting\". I was wondering if liking those comment is just as unethical?\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "This is a little bit tricky as when speaking of ethics and un/ ethical behavior for a profession, there are clearly defined ethical principles. For this to be unethical it must be contrary to one of these defined principles. \n\nThis will depend on the profession. While I'm uncertain about the ethicalness of this practice. It certainly seems to be bad form", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d7aeig", "comment_id": "f0yu4wz"}, {"question": "19/M - Been going out with my first ever girlfriend for about a month now, but spending time with here is draining. I feel like I'm not cut out to have a girlfriend.", "description": "I realize the title's a bit confusing but I'll explain. So I started seeing a girl about a month ago and we get along pretty well, she's nice and we have a lot of similar interests and all that. At first when I would see her I felt apprehensive just because of nerves and I'm socially awkward so I generally feel that way about anyone, but I now feel much more comfortable around her. We've had sex quite a few times and spent some time together, but I still feel that apprehension. I just find that I'm often drained when I hang out with her, to the point of exhaustion.  She's usually the one asking if I want to hang out and I'm generally making excuses. Like a few days ago I had work at like 2:00 or so, and she wanted to hang out before then, but I knew it would just be such a hassle for me and I would be so tired I lied and said I was going in early. On top of that she always wants to see me to hang out or cuddle or something. \n\nHonestly it's making me realize just how much of a selfish person I really am. I just need so much time alone to recharge and even then, the idea of going on a date or hanging out with her is just too much. And I cant bring myself to tell her that, I generally just say I'm busy or have work. I feel like we should get along great. We have so many similar interests but I simply can't spend as much time with her as she would like. Honestly I can't thing of anyone who I can spend a lot of time with without needing some alone time. I know this is a common introvert tendency but for me I feel like it impedes on having a relationship with this girl. Even texting her every day is a reluctant chore for me. \n\nI'm just at such a loss as to what to do. Any tips or advice would be great, thank you. ", "answer": "prob cut out, just not ready, which is ok!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cqsay", "comment_id": "dhwnu6v"}, {"question": "Counsellor suggested I exhibit signs of anxiety, PTSD and OCD - where do i get a proper diagnosis?", "description": "Hello friends,\n\nI've been noticing an increase of panic attack symptoms lately, to the point where I went to go see a counsellor at my university. My psychologist suggested that i exhibit signs PTSD, and OCD which facilitates my anxiety. Though a psychologist, the counselling service cannot confirm or diagnose me with such disorders. \n\nI was wondering, because I have no knowledge about services available for mental health, where do I get a proper diagnosis? Should I see a psychiatrist? What other credentials should I look for?\n\nAny help or information would be splendid. If this is of any help, I live in Canada. ", "answer": "Psychologists and Psychiatrists are both trained and qualified to make diagnoses.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "238nlf", "comment_id": "cguqiax"}, {"question": "POKEMON GO FUCK YOURSELF", "description": "That is all.  ", "answer": "lol\n\nI quite enjoyed the joke about this app revolutionizing the way people get hit by cars while playing on their cell phones.\n\nWorry not, fads die quickly.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4so1a3", "comment_id": "d5at1hb"}, {"question": "At 30 I have been depressed for over two decades, I just emailed a clinic that works with my workplace to provide counselling. I'm taking a positive step for the first time ever.", "description": "I just wanted to tell someone. I know it's lame, but I am very scared, nervous, excited, anxious, and proud. ", "answer": "It's not the slightest bit lame.  It's awesome!  Glad you are getting help. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7wppr1", "comment_id": "du2osw4"}, {"question": "Checked myself in to an emergency room because of suicidal and violent thoughts. Biggest mistake ever.", "description": "I checked myself in thinking that I could leave whenever I wanted. Now a few hours later I have a plan to go to an actual mental health facility with my father tomorrow and they still won't let me go. \n\nIt almost feels like its out of spite. Like \"Oh you think you're fucked enough for this huh? Think your thoughts are too crazy? Well now you're locked in for good\"  \n\nI just can't get to a place where I actually think these quacks are trying to help me. For Pete's  sake I'm in a converted storage bay and attended to by an ER doctor who himself said he is winging it. \n\nI want out but I don't know how to get it. Help Reddit can they actually legally bind me here? ", "answer": "Sympathies for the OP.\n\nJust to reassure people in the UK at least - this is almost the polar opposite of how things work should anyone in crisis seek emergency assistance. Don't be put off.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5r5lgi", "comment_id": "dd568g3"}, {"question": "How can I [27F] deal/understand people [particularly 27M] with low libidos (maybe NSFW)?", "description": "So I think I would describe myself as having a high libido, and I know other people's don't match this, especially some partners. I'm dating someone now, and its been about 6 months but I honestly am starting to feel like I initiate sex every time. I kinda feel we wouldn't even have sex if I don't start making out with him or something. \n\nThis just happened so am feeling bummed - I saw him last week after being a few weeks apart because of travel. Of those like 8 days, we've seen each other every day but haven't had much sex. Tonight we spent the entire day together, like lunchtime to evening, and he dropped me home inside, but promptly left. I thought we would, and then he said he had to go, and I just turned a bit sour after that.\n\nCommunication wise - he knew something was wrong but I felt in the moment it would be demeaning to me by somehow saying \"Hey, I actually wanted to have sex tonight but you didn't. We both have work tomorrow so you don't have to sleep here but we haven't had sex in 3 days\". It makes me sound desperate. He asked me a few times but I didn't want to say anything and he just left. I just got angry and upset.\n\nI don't know what exactly to do or tell him. I just am annoyed and feel like he is totally ok not having sex with me, which is making me feel unwanted. ", "answer": "libido isn't personal any more than someone's desire for food should be taken personally. he simply has a lower libido than you.  in any relationship, there's someone who wants something/anything a little more, and someone who wants something a little  less.  talk to him about it. it's ok that he has less libido as long as you find a middle ground where everyone is happy.  but never take someone else's libido personally.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5of32m", "comment_id": "dciw0um"}, {"question": "Spironolactone and Propranolol (25F)", "description": "Hi,\n\nI am a 25 year old female who occasionally takes Propranolol(40mg) for anxiety. I dont need it daily, I just take it as and when it's needed and rarely more than one in a single day. Yesterday I was prescribed Spironolactone (25mg) for PCOS related issues. My question is are these safe to take together or would the medication interact?\n\nI completely forgot to ask my doctor this yesterday and cannot contact her over the weekend.\n\nThanks in advance to anyone that can help!", "answer": "Both lower blood pressure, so you could find yourself relatively hypotensive and light-headed. That's a low spironolactone dose for hypertension, and it's not an amazingly effective blood pressure med anyway, so it's relatively low risk. Still, I would be cautious with the combination. Talk to your doctor before taking both if you can, and try to avoid taking them together on a day when you need to be on your feet and at your best.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94dj0m", "comment_id": "e3k6cbn"}, {"question": "What does a doctor mean when they say you \"look healthy\"?", "description": "Sorry if this is a stupid question. Title says it all. Been told this by 3 doctors over a few years now and I don't know if it means the same thing as when other people say it. 38F, 145lbs, 5'9\", psychiatric issues + POTS.\n\nI've been told \"looking healthy\" is a way to say someone is overweight, but I'm not overweight. I *am* healthy and I don't have any issues that aren't controlled anymore. I haven't passed out in a couple years and my psychiatrist has helped find the right combo for me.", "answer": "Looking healthy isn't a technical medical term. A doctor could mean just about anything that anyone could mean by it.\n\nIt's sometimes used after reviewing labs. \"You look healthy\" is shorthand for \"all your labs look fine.\" I've never heard it said after looking at a patient, but I would imagine much the same. \"On visual inspection, there is nothing obviously wrong.\" A quick visual inspection won't pick up a huge number of things, so it's not all that useful to say, but that's my guess.\n\nDoctors usually won't say that overweight looks healthy. Doctors are more likely to tell you that you need to lose weight with greater or lesser tact and grace.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e4lurc", "comment_id": "f9d8l8x"}, {"question": "When I turned 30", "description": "I turned 30 in September, 2016. On my 30th birthday, like any other day of the week- I got up and went to work. My day went by and before I knew it, it was 6:30pm- I was just getting settled in from work. It was a Monday. \n10:30pm rolls around and I received my first Happy Birthday from my Mother. Never heard from my father. Don't usually. \n30 years of my life- all my life, my mother usually used my birthday as a reason to take something special from me. Always referred as \"just another day of the week\" to which it was only, always that.  And my father used my birthday as a reason to binge drink/drug, act like he's younger than me with no responsibility, blow a his money give out his phones, loan his car out and come home in a cab and go without a car for days, begging whoever has your car to bring it back sometimes ending in car theft, accident, and even \"misplaced\" - yeah coming home to ask me to go to the dump he came from on the morning of my 29th birthday.. \nI have to say- 30 birthday was quiet-as were the holidays for me. It was relaxing. But the incident when I turned 29 was just the straw the broke the camels back ya know? I have spent 30 years of my life being loyal to my family- I am done. I can't sacrifice anything more- already lost nearly a quarter of my life protecting and defending. But when I look around its just me. And it's been that way for nearly the past 10 years already. My parents have guided me nowhere. Where I am now is where I got myself. \nI'm not a child anymore- I feel I have honored my mother and father as long as I could while being in their presence. I decided that if I was going to honor them, it would have to be by accepting them for who they are, all while at a far. I guess they did the best they could... Then it dawns on me that I spent majority of my childhood years locked in my room up until I was 16. Punishment from report card to report card because I didn't get A,B, C's. Do you think my mother ever took the time to read over my homework with me? Well that's hopefully what you do for your kid when they don't understand something. \nI don't have kids and do not have Fallopian tubes to reproduce. That is not meant to be. I wouldn't want to be like my mother anyway. She was cruel. Which I can also be... \nDid anyone else realize they were loyal to their family and shut out until they needed you again? What did you do? I haven't spoke with anyone in almost an entire year and I don't really think I care to? They have reached out on a couple occasions, I just really have had no desire to be involved with them. They are all people I used to know. Like when I was a kid. And now, I just know them better. Advise? ", "answer": "if one is not blessed with great parents, the next best thing is great friends.  be very pro-active about having/finding great friends and they will be your family forever....a loving, supportive family.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5touwq", "comment_id": "ddnz2vn"}, {"question": "Sent a pic of developing baby bump to husband (30m) who is currently away and he said he prefers me thin (25f)", "description": "Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones making me extra sensitive but my husband is away for work for the next two months and I am 13 weeks pregnant and so he's not really \"here\"--In a physical and emotional sense. I was really super excited about our growing baby developing and I started to show recently so I sent him a photo. His only comment was \"I prefer when you're skinny.\"\n\nI'm pretty damn insulted like first, it's not even like I blew up at all. The baby bump is hardly massive (looks like I had a big lunch) and like why even say that when I'm getting bigger GROWING OUR CHILD? Like obviously I can't help it and I'm only going to get bigger from here on out.\n\nI guess combined with the distance and feeling like there's a lack of support on his end, I'm extra sensitive. I wish he was just as enthralled as I was in seeing our baby growing. \n\nIs this worth mentioning to him or am I being overly sensitive?\n\nTl;dr Husband is away for work and only commented that he preferred my normal thin physique over my developing baby bump. I'm feeling insulted by his comment, is it worth mentioning?\n\n**********EDIT***********\nThanks for the responses guys. This was all over text message with him because he was working so I sent him a message saying \"It's very hard to read your tone through text. What do you mean you prefer that I'm thin? I'm trying not to be offended and give you the benefit of the doubt that you were joking but I feel very bad about that comment.\" \n\nHis response: I'm just saying you were sexy before and you'll be back to that body when another person isn't in your stomach.\n\nNo apology given and I just left it at that for now. We will be talking later on tonight so hope that goes well.\n\nAnyway, it made me think there is a bigger underlying issue here, one being that I'm too fearful to even confront my husband about a hurtful comment because he usually gets very defensive when I call him out. I can already hear what he will say if I bring it up to him again tonight. Probably something along the lines of me being selfish and ridiculous about needing reassurance about our relationship. Or something about how I need \"validation\" from him and how I'm insecure and so on, so forth. \n\nThanks for all the advice and for making a pregnant woman feel less insane for being so hurt over a comment like that!", "answer": "There are so many layers of \"wrong\" to this entire thing. The comment was careless and rude. And the fact that you can't even bring up an issue to talk to him about without knowing he'll tell you you're needy etc is a huge issue. Honestly there's more I could say but I'm just so sad and irritated for you and all I can think is how incredibly sorry I am that you have to raise a child with this man (If you so choose). One of the most important things to have when raising a family is a CARING and SUPPORTIVE partner. Doesn't sound like he's either. Good luck. :(", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "37z19h", "comment_id": "crrb6x6"}, {"question": "Do you refer to someone in therapy as a \"client\" or a \"patient\"?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I use \"patient.\" For me , this is about respecting psychological suffering and also normalizing the use of mental health services.  \n\nAlso , I have worked in impatient settings , and with SPMI clients who are quite literally patients,  even outside our relationships. \n\nI would feel different if I was working with outpatient folks to spice up marriage,  or other similar populations.  My patients,  though are definitely patients.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvxqtv", "comment_id": "fmmtdvk"}, {"question": "Emotional maturity retarded by addiction", "description": "God willing, I will celebrate 16 years clean and sober in a few days.  This gift came after I drank alcoholically for 30 years from age 13 to 43.  I heard in treatment and in recovery rooms that alcoholism and addiction interferes with emotional maturation.  If I stopped maturing emotionally at age 13 and resumed when I got sober, my adjusted emotional age would now be 29 - the same age as my son.  In some ways that seems about right.  He and I really relate to each other.  I feel like I am taking responsibilty and getting my shit together they way it might have been expected for someone about to turn 30 rather than 60.\n\nMy life can be divided into three distinct phases; childhood and adolesence, alcoholism, and recovery.  In some ways, I regret (despite most of the promises having been realized) the impact my disease may have had on my life.  I wonder what might have been, had I stopped drinking and found recovery at age 20 or even 30 years old.  I realize these are immature musings of a lad of 29 and more will be revealed.  I do recognize that I have been able to help several recovering alcoholics because my experience was exactly the way it was supposed to be.\n\nThis reminds me of the saying that the best time to plant a tree (stop drinking) was 20 years ago, and the second best time is right now.", "answer": "I joined AA when I was 23 in 1978 and have been sober ever since. I go to as many meetings as I can that\u2019s usually 4 or 5 a week. \nHere\u2019s a good working definition of Maturity:\n\n An adult is a person who is not governed by demands for immediate pleasure, comfort and excitement. Moreover an adult is able to organize the events and emotions of their life into a memory, a rough meaning, a story. An adult understands that the world belongs primarily to the dead and we only rent it from them for a little while. They created it, they wrote its literature, its songs and are deeply invested in how children are treated because children are the ones who will keep it going. The adult is the one who has been able to preserve his or her intensities, including the intensities proper to their generation. An adult is one who goes out and gathers jewels of feeling for others. Finally, the adult understands renunciation.\n\nRobert Bly - Sibling Society", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "eg08z4", "comment_id": "fc5oshu"}, {"question": "looking for Relaxing apps or games for anxiety.", "description": "Looking for relaxing apps or games for anxiety. Games don\u2019t necessarily have to be for anxiety but one of those games you can hop in and play for 1-5 mins would be fine. Aesthetic visuals and relaxing music would be a plus", "answer": "Breathe is a great mindfulness app that has meditation sessions. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9kwf73", "comment_id": "e72a9ql"}, {"question": "I know that a woman is interested in me but I don\u2019t have any interest in her, how can I politely let her know that it\u2019s not going to happen?", "description": "So I\u2019m 38 and this woman is probably no older than 25. She works the window at a sandwich shop I get food from occasionally. I used to go there a lot and my dog would sit on my lap in the driver\u2019s seat until she passed away. Everyone got to know me as the dude with the pug. \n\nOne girl has always been ULTRA friendly to me. Nothing creepy, just saying things like, \u201comg it\u2019s so nice to see you again\u201d when any other customer would probably just get a \u201chere is your food\u201d. \nI\u2019ve also seen her driving around town in the delivery vehicle for the shop and she always beams with excitement and waves at me when she sees me. Like that little kid from the .gif who realized his dad was the one driving the train. \n\nShe\u2019s very attractive, bubbly, cute, and is probably a comic book nerd, I don\u2019t know why I assume this because I\u2019ve only ever seen her in her uniform, but I bet she plays more video games than the entire cast of the Big Bang Theory. \n\nI am flattered and it\u2019s nice to know that someone thinks you\u2019re attractive or whatever, but I really am an awful person that really should not be in a relationship with anyone. I\u2019m not abusive or anything, I\u2019m just severely depressed, can\u2019t handle when people show me empathy, and have a terminal illness. I\u2019m leaving the country in about a month and would like to still get sandwiches and maybe chat her up and let her know that if I am interpreting her signals correctly, that I\u2019m flattered but unfortunately I am leaving so we couldn\u2019t pursue anything. I\u2019m not interested in just a physical thing because emotions always end up getting involved in those situations anyway. \n\nSo how do I approach this? I\u2019d hate to leave the country for ever and have this woman thinking \u201cwhere did he go?\u201d I\u2019d also like to tell her I\u2019m flattered if I\u2019m correct in my assumptions, but that she could do WAY better than me and that if the circumstances were different I.e. I didn\u2019t have a brain tumor or wasn\u2019t clinically depressed, that I would at least go on a date to see if we had anything in common. \n\nI\u2019m no good at talking to people let alone communicating with someone I\u2019m in a relationship with. \n\nThanks for any advice. I really don\u2019t want to just vanish on her because I can tell that on days that I do stop in, she makes an effort to be the one who helps me, and she does light up which is actually quite beautiful. ", "answer": "You don\u2019t need to say anything to her unless she asks you out, in which case a simple \u201cthanks, but I can\u2019t,\u201d will suffice.  If you want to tell her you\u2019re leaving: \u201cjust wanted to let you know I\u2019m leaving the country for the foreseeable future. It\u2019s been nice getting to know you!\u201d will work. \n\nPlease spare her the monologue you\u2019ve drafted in your head and go tell it to a therapist. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7vmza2", "comment_id": "dtthm6z"}, {"question": "\"Is it Asperger's?\"", "description": "A lot of people on here ask if they have Asperger's in the hope that the online community here can diagnose them. AS well as being repetitive, a lot of the time the answers aren't very different - none of us can make a diagnosis over the Internet, online tests can't be used alone to make a diagnosis, etc. and so forth. I think perhaps it is time that we get a few ideas together for an FAQ page that has good resources and can point people curious about diagnosis in the right direction.\n\nAmirite?\n\nEDIT: I have messaged the mods about this and am now awaiting a response. Keep the ideas coming! So far we have:\n\n* better exposure of the IRC channel so that people can drop in to talk to others about their ?diagnosis\n\n* links to some of the well-known clinical questionnaires", "answer": "in the interest of not doing unnecessary work, why not pick a half dozen of the several dozen FAQs already available on the WWW and maybe pick one or more to point people... why redo something that has been done just fine several times before?", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "u7ore", "comment_id": "c4visri"}, {"question": "Question regarding mental health", "description": "Hi there guys \n\n27 year old male. 1.77m in size. Weighing around 85/87 kilograms. Non smoker, non drinker. \n\nI'm not entirely sure whether this is the correct place to ask this, but is it possible for the body to experience symptoms of illnesses/diseases that they wouldn't necessarily have?\n\nI have never gotten this confirmed by a medical professional or doctor but I would say I suffer from hypochondria and I have always wondered whether the human brain is capable of such a thing.\n\nFor example, diabetes. I might at a later point in my life get diabetes due to genetics and or poor dietary habits, a huge portion of my dad's side of the family has diabetes. My dad, his dad, his two brothers and his sister. I have looked into the symtoms every once a while throughout my life and could often only really relate to a few minor symtoms that often at time would pass or turn out to not be as severe as I made up to be, but there's been this indescribable itch in one of my fingers since last night that can't seem to leave me alone. There's also this weird tingly sensation in both of my hands. \n\nOr a few weeks ago where I had this lightheadedness that lasted for a few days, to the point where I had to hold onto walls every once a while cause it felt like I was going to fall. That too thankfully has past now, but could it really be that me imagining and thinking being dizzy and lightheaded actually resulted in me being dizzy? \n\nI always hear how powerful the brain can be, so could it be that I am underestimating my brains capabilites?\n\nI really do not want to waste anyone's time with this. There are probably a lot more people on here that require the help a lot more than I do right now.", "answer": "Yes, it\u2019s possible to have your mind and brain produce physical symptoms as a result of mood, anxiety, and stress. Any serious symptoms should still be worked up by a doctor to make sure rather than assuming, but somaticization\u2014symptoms due to psychological causes\u2014is a common and fairly normal process.\n\nIf it becomes frequent and overwhelming, that too can be treated, but only if that seems worthwhile to you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eo3t0k", "comment_id": "fe8eggh"}, {"question": "It seems as though I have hit the end of the road..", "description": "I really don't want this to come off as a rant, but I don't know how else to put it.  Recently I've gone on a few dates trying to put myself out there and get no where to somewhere, they didn't fail miserably but they failed to the point where I knew a second date was pushing my luck.  I feel as though when I first meet someone I am interesting and capable of a half decent conversation but as I get to know someone more I just fail.  How do you keep conversations fresh and interesting?  \n\nOne of the girl's I went out with is in one of my classes, we still talk but its literally petty things that generally stay on-topic with the class we're in, nothing else.  Sometimes I just feel so stupid, it's painful sitting in silence because I have no clue what to say or talk about.  The worse part is she's a genuinely interested girl that I can't even think of anything to spark a conversation.  \n\nMy problem isn't really related to nervousness or shyness, I've learned to not really give a f*ck, but that doesn't mean I have the ability to make conversation.  It may play a part subtly that I may not be aware of but for the most part I am just clueless on what to say.\n\nI also gave up on the whole dating thing and tried something much simpler just making a friend, but this has failed miserably too.  I'm usually alright for the first time meeting someone but then it just dies off quickly.  The worse part ever is the friends I do have, are more so just acquaintances because we never really hang out because the conversation just DIES out.\n\nThis whole matter is painful to me, because I really wanna just be someone that can talk to anyone and be able to at least make friends.  Life is miserably boring, I spend hours mindlessly wasting time doing absolutely nothing because all I really have to do is study and work occasionally.\n\nI've read all these guides and watched numerous videos on \"perfecting the conversation\" or whatever you wanna call it.  When it truly comes down to it are they really even that helpful?  Because I sure as heck haven't improved at all from checking them out and it's not like I'm not -TRYING- to improve.\n\nSo I suppose my questions are, how do I keep the conversation fresh and interesting?  How do I make conversations funny and not just baseline?  Is there a trick to improving your humor?  Am I really just socially retarded or is there a way I can actually improve my state?  And whatever else you can possibly give advice on from stated above.\n\nWith that, thank you for reading this..any response will be appreciated as I'd love to read something. ", "answer": "Conversation, like any other skill, can be studied and practiced. So practice and study it :) Watch movies and see what the charismatic characters do in conversation. Read books on it. Check out online resources -- this [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is a good one :)\nEDIT: Also, don't wait on making your life interesting. If you are bored with your life, change it. Take up a new hobby. Travel. Volunteer. Do something you've always wanted to do but never have. Life is beautiful--go explore!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "12yd7z", "comment_id": "c6zbubi"}, {"question": "...that feeling of knowing I waste so much time, and mental/emotional energy on what essentially amounts to nothing...", "description": "fears, anxieties, distorted and inaccurate interpretations of the world around me, ego based desires, and  probably more...\n\nperiodically i have moments of clarity where I am hit with the truth of how empty and stupid most of the crap going through my head is. In a way it's liberating, for a moment, but then it's depressing and infuriating since I'm certain I'll keep existing in this pathetic state. \n\nI'm open to changing that belief, but I honestly don't feel great about my prospects for escaping this absurdity.", "answer": "Oh it is so hard and it can feel hopeless at times. Keep trying, you can do this - don't lose hope :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "72x5nw", "comment_id": "dnm3se6"}, {"question": "Is it normal for guys to approach women in random places?", "description": "Such as in coffee shops or even on the street? I know there is a huge field of \"pickup\" advice that promotes this, but I can't determine if it's generally considered acceptable behavior. Outside of a bar, I have rarely seen this done. \n\nNote that I'm not talking about striking up a casual conversation based on the environment (e.g., sitting near someone on the bus and seeing that they're reading a book you like). I'm talking about walking up to a girl out of the blue and letting a girl know that you find her attractive.", "answer": "It's not common. It's possible to pull it off successfully, but it's also possible to make a woman really uncomfortable (especially if you're approaching her in a context where she feels unsafe, like if there is nobody else around.)\n\nI would stick with the other option you mentioned -- striking up a conversation based on the environment. If a girl is reading a book you like, it not only gives you a much better reason to talk to her (making her more comfortable), but it also increases the chances that you will actually be compatible with her.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19alie", "comment_id": "c8mph0u"}, {"question": "Why do none of the therapists I reach out to for treatment even reply to me?", "description": "This isn't a recent development so it's not a coronavirus thing. I've been trying to get into therapy for 2 years. My only success was when I was referred directly from an IOP program. I have contacted probably 25 therapists in my area via several different methods. Leaving voicemails, emailing them, reaching out through psychology today, etc. It seems like if you're in a position where vulnerable and emotionally/mentally unwell people are reaching out to you specifically for help, you could at least respond to them to let them know that you're not taking any new clients if that's the case. It's too many to be a coincidence at this point. I've given a lot of info sometimes, and sometimes just said \"I'm looking to start seeing a therapist\" so I don't think anything particular about me is putting them off somehow. What is going on?", "answer": "I am so sorry that this is so common in the field. \n\nWhat is happening is (most likely) this: therapists are operating private practices and cannot afford to hire someone to answer the phones. They see clients all day, are getting many calls, and simply don't have mental space or space in their schedules to call back 30 people, unpaid, just to say, \"I can't help you\". It's unacceptable but it's incredibly common. I have been through the process of searching for a therapist and found it super demoralizing, and few people are probably more prepared to navigate the system than I am.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fv0y57", "comment_id": "fmh0b2c"}, {"question": "i just saw a cockroach and i'm having a panic attack.", "description": "there were millions of cockroaches at my last place of residence and i've been cleaning this one so much. a cockroach just climbed up on my bed please someone tell me the nightmare isn't coming back. i don't know what to do. i can barely breathe.", "answer": "Are you able to leave the place and stay the night somewhere else? It would be great if your tenant took care of this for you. You shouldn't have to sleep in a cockroach infested apartment! Anyone would be freaked out! (Trust me, I did it once...)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2jhqpq", "comment_id": "clbvezu"}, {"question": "M25 F21", "description": "Me and this girl have been seeing each other an our sex life and problems are being voiced to her friends, and her friends are telling her to ask me for space in which I am, I've only texted her once to tell her hope she had a good day no response, I came on a bit strong as we've only been seeing 2 months and told her I was terrified of losing her. I ignored her last message which seemed like a cry for help, but i was at work and got off around 3am so didnt feel the need to respond. She wants space, but also said she doesnt wanna stop talking, she really likes me and cares about me ( both of those were texts out of the blue) and she said shes not breaking it off she just needs space. I just need advice on how to proceed, I like this girl within the first two weeks ive met her parents which according to her took a shine to me.", "answer": "she's contradicting herself. i would keep other opportunities open as she's mixed up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6barhw", "comment_id": "dhl30gh"}, {"question": "I relapsed (x-post from r/stopdrinking)", "description": "**i figured i should post this here cuz i post here too**\n\nI woke up this morning at 4:30 am still drunk from the night before. I was still tired, still wanted to go to sleep. But I was afraid that if I were to go back to sleep that I would most certainly die by choking on my own vomit if I were to do so. Over the course of the night, i had drank way more than i had drank in my life, yes even as an active alcoholic i never drank as much as i drank in one night as i did last night. I think i drank enough to kill a small human.\n\nI woke up with a vague recollection of some things, that i had to piece together by asking other people and txt message logs and shit like that. I was quite seriously out of it. I had only ever blacked out or browned out once in my life (tho, if it was more, would i really know?). I drunk texted someone who is like a co-sponsor, the person who got me to even think about quitting drinking. And he's quite pissed (i'm always worried that he's pissed but this time i know it's serious). I've pissed off a quite understanding Pastor friend of mine, who is in the program and is not the kind of person who gets angry (he's a lutheran pastor and they are seriously just happy that someone asks for help).\n\nWhy did I drink? Well, It started with a panic attack on wednesday night, i awoke at 3am with an intense pressure in my body, the same pressure i've had before when having panic attacks and didn't want to go to the ER at 3am. So i took what was handy which were some percocets that i got from my MIL. Yes, i know, i need to stop taking pills from her. I'm working on that. So I took some and went back to sleep cuz they mellowed me out. Then went about my day, things went great, i did some big things with church and stuff was very happy felt the best i had in a while, was so happy to have turned a corner. Later that day, i was sitting at home and decided to for no reason in particular to take a handful of percocet. woke up sick, took a few more, went about my day. woke up sick, went to therapy, felt like a dick for using, told 1 friend.\n\nThat one friend said i need to come clean. Asked around the webchat on sunday, was told i need to come clean about relapsing. Didn't want to have to go in and say, I FUCKED UP. Especially since, someone in a meeting (my former sponsor) told me I was going to relapse because I wasn't doing it for myself so it was going to happen. This was in response to me saying that, I didn't want to drink but was afraid I was going to relapse. I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they're right. I didn't. So upon stress due to the pressure of having to be truthful, I drank. And I drank more than ever before because I couldn't deal with all the AA and shit that i've got going on in my head. It took a lot to get me past that feeling of guilt and shame.\n\nBut now i know, this shit will fucking kill me if i don't get it together. I can't drink like i did before going to meetings, because the first place i go is guilt. And it'll just be harder and harder because i'm driving away the people that want to help.", "answer": "I don't know if you work the steps, if not disregard.\n\nFrom what I understand of the BB, it tells me that a relapse, short of someone pouring a drink down my throat, is always precipitated by inaction on my part. From my experience and the collective experiences of many I know, if I do the things laid out in the twelve steps, and I do them to the best of my ability, then I won't drink. I'm not saying that I'll be insured happiness, freedom from panic attacks, and immunity to the opinions of others, but I won't have to drink. See from my perspective, a panic attack and fear of others didn't MAKE you drink. An obsession beyond your control made a drink the only option. The thing is, that obsession is there in part due to inaction on your part in diligently working the twelve steps.\n\nThis sounds condemning and judgmental, I'm sorry if it offends you. I don't know every circumstance in your life nor your work in AA, but the understandings and beliefs I have of the twelve steps make this a cut and dry case for me. It is however just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt depending upon how sobriety looks for you. Just thought I'd offer my perspective.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20ohsr", "comment_id": "cg5ts9w"}, {"question": "Today is a success because I had a bad day, wanted to drive my car at 70km/hr into a lamppost, then when i made it home wanted to drink until i forgot everything, but instead i just made myself some motherfucking toast and cried in my bed for a bit.", "description": "Love me some motherfuckin toast.", "answer": "I heard making dinner helps too. I'm so glad to hear about your successes in catching this as it's happening and figuring out a way to validate yourself. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9qktvz", "comment_id": "e8bb4b9"}, {"question": "Feel lonely but want to isolate myself. Is this normal for someone aged 22?", "description": "Off late I have been cutting off ties with people left and right. I broke off my friendship with my best friend recently. I got rid of about 2 close friends in the last one year. All of my close friends stay in different cities and my communication with them is over social media. So I feel distant from them most of the time. And I feel like I don't treasure any friendship enough. Like breaking it off with my best friend didn't feel bad at all. I had actually outgrown the friendship. But I don't know why I cannot seem to stick to friends at all. This always happens to me. I get tired of them within 2-3 years. But I also feel horribly lonely at times. I am only 22 and I don't know if it's normal to feel like this. ", "answer": "For me, I felt this way after undergrad, being in college made it so easy to meet people and see people because everyone was always around and had a slot of free time and a lot of excuses to do stuff together without a lot of other responsibilities. Then everyone graduates and moves away and gets jobs and spouses and kids and houses. Suddenly, you have to work to make and keep relationships going and make plans. Since I wasn't used to this, I figured that since it wasn't easy anymore that no one cared about me enough, because of they did have going out would be easy. I didn't want to do things with people because I didn't feel like they would like me or they were doing it because they felt bad for my or something. Now it's been 3 years and I'm learning how to put work into relationships with people that aren't professional or family related or people I live with so I can see them all the time. \n\nMy advice for you based on what I have learned so far: set up a schedule with the friends you do have. Every (insert day of the week) you go with those people to do something you enjoy, like happy hour, DnD, or bowling, whatever. With the standing appointment, everyone is able to fit it into their schedules ahead of time.  \n\nIsolation is nice on occasion to reset, but sucks as a way of life. Good luck building your social system. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cm6ph", "comment_id": "e5busly"}, {"question": "WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN A CLIENT TELLS YOU THEY'RE SUICIDAL?", "description": "Do you ever feel like they're lying/attention seeking? \n\n​\n\nBesides from someone saying they'll actually do it, what signs give away that they will follow through?", "answer": "Well.... my immediate thought is that this person is really suffering and currently in an unhealthy place.  People who are healthy neither are actively suicidal or lie about it.  \n\n\nI don't really care whether they're lying/attention seeking or being completely honest.  I make sure to do everything in my power to keep them safe, be that a referral for evaluation for hospitalization or just developing a concrete and detailed safety plan to follow if they start feeling impulsive or as though they may act on their thoughts.  \n\n\nIf a person is has passive suicidal ideation, I'll check in from time to time but continue working with them.  If they are frequently actively suicide or on the fence (ie. they actually want to kill themselves, are forming plans, took some action at an attempt) I'm going to refer them to a higher level of care.  If our work in therapy is not enough to keep them stable, they really need something more intensive that I can't offer (inpatient, partial hospitalization program, intensive outpatient group, DBT program)\n\n\nIf they were indeed honest to God actively suicidal, this will help them get the help they need.  If they were lying and attention seeking, they'll learn that this isn't the appropriate way to get attention, at least not from me, as our relationship will end due to my need to transfer them to a higher level of care.  \n\n\nAll in all, when I hear these things, I just feel for the client and want to do whatever I can to help them without taking any chances.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c25oce", "comment_id": "eri2fn4"}, {"question": "Thoughts", "description": "So today me and boyfriend had a conversation about what is considered cheating and what isn't. Me, [21/F] and him [22/M] stated that talking to someone your s/o is uncomfortable with is cheating. Well, a year ago he was talking to this girl who would hit him up, always trying to Skype and would get irritated when he never messaged back. So I told him she seemed to be getting a little clingy and it was making me uncomfortable, so instead of him just ignoring her, he told her that i didn't like her and I didn't want him talking to her anymore and that they \"UNFORTUNATELY\" had to end their friendship, so she messaged me upset that I had said anything. Yet he doesn't consider that cheating, but if I did, it would be. Thoughts?", "answer": "Talking to someone your partner doesn't like isn't cheating. It might be breaking a promise to them but it's not fucking adultery just cause it scares you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a2ay4", "comment_id": "dhbcxdo"}, {"question": "Daydreaming yourself as someone else, a more ideal version of yourself, or a fictional character?", "description": "One of the activities that consume my day is listening to music and daydreaming scenarios or stories based around the music. I never really imagine myself though, or at least not the person I see when I look in the mirror. I\u2019ve pushed people away just to do this; along with losing precious time just to sit and waste away in daydreaming. I get so lost in these daydreams and it makes me feel better in a way. This behavior can be noted when I was younger too and would play pretend characters all the time, typical kid behavior except I would do it for weeks.\n\nWhen I daydream, I\u2019ll imagine myself in the perspective of my own characters I created, or ones from games I\u2019ve played. Often wishing I really were this person. I\u2019ll imagine myself in a fantasy world where I may even be the opposite gender character. Im not gender dysphoric and aren\u2019t unhappy being a female so I\u2019m a little baffled why. Im not sure if me feeling like my life holds no purpose is the reason to why I maladaptive daydream. Thinking of myself as a character in a story gives me importance, and the other people in my fantasy world are in my head so I\u2019m not scared of them like I am real people because I control the scenario. Video games aren\u2019t enough because in online games theres people which I highly dread.\n\nI\u2019m decently skilled in arts and crafts (despite my economic situation holding me back) I\u2019ve thought about genuinely creating costumes and things for these characters I have created and living them out to help how much I daydream. However reality is reality and I know people would consider me a freak show, and my only good relationship I\u2019ve ever had may suffer too. My family would look down upon me as well. \n\nSo in conclusion, anyone have any advice or similar experiences?\nEdit: I also have an unholy obsession with mask, like the idea of being able to conceal yourself and be elusive makes me giddy.", "answer": "No I usually Daydream about stuff that goes on around me. Like, what if Ninjas popped out of that closet? How would it look if I did a flip out of that window? I bet I could wall run that wall.\n\nI never imagine myself in a Daydream it's always from my perspective", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "gst4ce", "comment_id": "fs8hh95"}, {"question": "I wrote a quick piece about what to expect when entering a psychiatric facility", "description": "The mental hospital was the only thing that gave me a chance to live a somewhat normal life. No one ever asks advice, but I thought these few things would provide a useful heads up. \n\nhttps://totaltext.wordpress.com/2019/01/26/so-you-are-going-to-a-psych-ward-four-things-to-expect/", "answer": "Id probably qualify this as being a US(?) experience - because its vastly different in the UK and other countries. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ak86ox", "comment_id": "ef33t09"}, {"question": "My mom is having heart surgery tomorrow... I need help with staying calm.", "description": "I\u2019m crying on and off right now. I\u2019m freaking out. My mom\u2019s having open heart surgery and I don\u2019t even know what I\u2019ll do when she\u2019s undergoing her surgery tomorrow. Two of my aunts are going to be there... so I guess that helps a bit, but I already have GAD and my anxiety is going off the charts. Just... f***! I tried looking for information and advice on google, but it\u2019s all stuff for parents to help their children with getting through their surgery. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do now, and I don\u2019t know what to do while I\u2019m waiting in the waiting room. I\u2019m full on panicking. I feel like I could have a mental breakdown. \n\nMy mom\u2019s the most important person in my life and even if the surgery goes completely well and smooth, she\u2019s still going to be in so much pain after. I\u2019m trying to hang on and be strong, but it\u2019s so hard right now. I want my mommy. I freaking HATE that she needs surgery.", "answer": "Hey, hang in there. You are in a shitty situation, no doubt about it, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. \n\nAs others have said, there's not a lot you can control right now, and that can be very nerve-wracking. Try to focus on the things you can control. It's hard to control feelings, exactly, but there are things you can do to take care of yourself and help your body feel a little better. \n\nHave you done breathing exercises before? Take a deep breath, all the way down into your lungs. Hold it there for a few seconds, try to stretch your lungs out. Then exhale slowly. Repeat this a few times and count the seconds or your heartbeats - I like multiples of 4 because I'm a music person - like 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out. Then up to 8, maybe more if you like a challenge, but take it slow and listen to your body. After a few cycles your heartbeat should slow down a bit. It takes time to calm down, always, but this can help you focus on the here and now and keep you from getting trapped in your head, as anxiety likes to do to you. \n\nTry to relax your muscles as well. Go through all your muscle groups, from toes up to arms, shoulders, and neck, and flex/relax them slowly. Sometimes we tense up without thinking so this helps you be aware of what your body is doing.\n\nNone of these things make the scary things go away but they can give you something to focus on that isn't the \"what ifs\" and negative thoughts - always try to bring yourself to the present and focus on where you are in reality - Remember that surgeons and doctors and nurses are some of the most well-trained, well-educated folks out there. She's in good hands, she's in the best place she can be right now, and she's having to go through this so she can be healthier in the long run.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "esmlkp", "comment_id": "ffb6iha"}, {"question": "Unpopular opinion: I enjoy the vivid dreams, even when they\u2019re night terrors", "description": "I forgot what it was like to dream, and how important it is somewhat. For 3 years my sleep was shit, and I rarely dreamt. If I did, they were short lived. \n\nBut in the past 30 days or so, wow. I haven\u2019t had dreams like this since I was young. They seem to last hours, and they\u2019re insanely vivid. Sometimes they\u2019re dark, but still interesting. It\u2019s an insane glimpse into my subconscious and I actually really appreciate it. Not only that, but I\u2019m actually feeling refreshed when I wake up, and I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s party because of dreaming and REM sleep. My creativity is off the charts lately, and I used to think I needed weed to be creative. But this is different; it\u2019s almost primitive in a way. \n\nJust something weird I\u2019ve been feeling lately, don\u2019t know how to put it exactly. Anyone else feel this way with dreaming coming back, and it\u2019s effect on your day to day life?", "answer": "Vivid dreams are cool and interesting anyone who says otherwise, that's anxiety talking", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "e543o8", "comment_id": "f9hrbnn"}, {"question": "1st time posting, not sure why I can't stop...", "description": "Hi guys. Just signed up for Reddit specifically because of this page. I already feel a lot of comfort reading everyone's posts and knowing that other people are going through the same things.\n\nI've been smoking every day for 5+ years and have not been able to stop for more than 1 week. I've been considering going to a local M.A meeting for quite some time now... I know they take place on a Wednesday, and every day of the week I think about how I really want to go. But then Wednesday comes around and I wake up feeling differently; suddenly the idea of attending a meeting doesn't seem like such a great idea.\n\nTo me things couldn't be more clear: I've been cutting myself off from the best of what life has to offer by putting weed above everything else. I basically function at my lowest capacity - only ever doing the bare minimum. Somehow I get by - no one would ever suspect I'm a stoner, I don't come across like it at all but this has been my secret safe place for years now. On the surface I have it all together and people think I'm doing really well but privately my life revolves around smoking weed.\n\nI'm very clear on the fact that I need to make a change and stop. In fact, a lot of the time the one thing that makes me feel the happiest / most eager about life is thinking about how my life will improve once I've stopped. I'm hyper-aware of all the ways my life will improve and I have no doubt it's going to be the best decision I've ever made. BUT...\n\nI just can't seem to make the decision on when to actually stop. I keep thinking I'll stop any day now, and I really do believe that the day is coming up very soon because I want a sober, clear-headed life so badly. But part of me is still holding out, waiting for something outside of myself to make the decision for me... It's almost as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen, to hit rock bottom before I really make the changes I've been talking about for so long. I shouldn't have to wait for something awful to slap me in the face in order to change things up... But at the same time my habits are so deeply ingrained that the idea of just \"not smoking\" all of a sudden does not feel possible. So I'm unsure what to do.\n\nIt's like I can feel it coming - I know that my time smoking weed is coming to an end. I've felt the discomfort with my lifestyle increasing more and more and I'm really not enjoying being trapped in my weed-smoking bubble. I am on the verge of so many great things in my life and I know that kicking my weed habit is exactly what I need for everything to  start coming together for me.\n\nBut then again I have to be careful because the truth is I've felt this way for years. I've been having conversations with myself about stopping and about how great everything will be without it for literally years now.\n\nNot sure exactly what I'm asking for here but I decided that if I don't go to the meeting tonight I at least should reach out to people on this thread. Thanks to everyone else for sharing their stories. If anyone has any advice on how to finally make the call or what made them finally stop I'd love to hear.\n\nAlso if anyone has had experience with the M.A meetings and how they were in your experience I'm very curious to find out more. Thanks everyone!\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "I attend MA and love it, it helped me get sober 6 years ago. I still attend as I feel at home there and have gained a lot from it.\n\nMy suggestion to you would be to look up and fill out a Cost Benefit Analysis worksheet. You should be able to find one for free from Smart recovery online. It's pretty simple and may help you get some clarity on where you stand with quitting/not quitting.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "a1dfee", "comment_id": "eap4mhd"}, {"question": "Question about a situation", "description": "I'm writing a book and I'm attempting to be realistic. Would a therapist ask a patient to leave if the patient began screaming at them? Do therapists ever use their home as their office? If threatened with violence would a therapist throw away their professionalism and yell back at the patient?", "answer": "As others have said, context is important here. I had a kid pull a butcher knife out when I was in his home but I knew he was just being dramatic so I wasn\u2019t worried. On the other hand, a coworker was violently murdered by a patient when she went home for her lunch break. A good therapist would stay professional and never scream back. Our focus would be in this order 1) assessing for safety of the person (do they need to be hospitalized?), 2) maintaining our own safety through perhaps getting up and moving closer to the door or establishing a larger perimeter of personal space, and 3) role modeling a therapeutic response while descalating.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ck8urq", "comment_id": "evl6vn2"}, {"question": "I AM CYNICAL AND SELF-CENTRED", "description": "I somehow landed on these two subreddits:/r/problemgambling /r/FoodAddiction. After reading a few links I could not help but think these are just the silliest addictions. I take that thought back. Sometimes I am very cynical about peoples problems because I think they are vain and idotic, but at a meeting I discovered that this is actually a problem with my thinking. It is being self-centered, that my addiction and severe depression should be recognised by the universe. This week I will work to be less self-centered. I am not general manager of the universe and I will stop acting like I am.", "answer": "I sometimes find myself judging others and their problems, comparing them to my own, etc.  Then I remind myself when I see somebody in anguish: though the reasons for their pain and the things that brought them there are different from my own, and doesn't make sense to me, the pain is still real.  That's their pain.  That's my pain.  That's my pet dog's pain.  We all experience it at different times and for different reasons, but it always feels the same.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "16z7xb", "comment_id": "c82sabv"}, {"question": "[21/f] I feel like my boyfriend [22/m] will ditch plans with me if something better comes up", "description": "Some background to the problem: I've been with my partner for 2 years. I'm always going to my his house, I'd say pretty much every day. Whether I ride my bike there, catch the bus or even walk I'll find a way to get there. In the past two weeks he's been to my place around twice, which really bugs me because I feel like he's not putting in as much effort. (I've brought this up with him and he says he'll try harder... and then doesn't)\n\nI've been having a really rough week with uni, quitting my job and selling my family home, and my boyfriend knows it. Today I had a uni field trip, I left the house at 6:30am and got back at 6:30pm, I was exhausted and just needed some love. Throughout the day he'd agreed to come around to mine when I got home. When I get home and ring him he says he doesn't really have time to come over because he's watching the basketball with a friend. I'm a bit bummed and ask him to come over afterwards, to which he says he can't because he will be drinking and won't be able to drive and also because he has a flat tire on his bike (he has like 3 bikes). So I'm pretty disappointing but say it's no biggie. About an hour later he messages me telling me he's going out on a pub crawl with his mates and that he won't have his phone on him because he's lost it. I am so hurt by this. I don't give two shits if he wants to hang out with mates or go out on the town, but the fact that it was too difficult to get to my place (which is about 3 suburbs closer than where he is drinking) but it was easy enough to go out with friends makes me so sad and angry. \n\nNow I'm left wondering, does he even care about me? Are my feelings valid? Or am I over-reacting? ", "answer": "Ditch him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70grzv", "comment_id": "dn2zg6k"}, {"question": "It feels like there is a lump in my throat. It has begun to affect my breathing and eating.", "description": "I should probably preface this by saying that I've already made an appointment with my primary care doctor, but his earliest available time is in two weeks. So I'm mostly just looking for some sort of relief until then. Also, I am 21 years old, male, 5' 10\", 120lbs, and white.\n\nSo I started having this sensation of having a lump in my throat about a year ago. It might just be coincidence, but it started soon after I had a case of acute bronchitis. It felt like there was some object, food, or mucus stuck in my throat. And it also feels like it starts moving up my throat, so I try and swallow, which feels like it pushes the lump down, but never enough so that I actually swallow it. It didn't cause any problems for me with eating or breathing, it was just sorta discomforting. I thought it might have been a tonsil stone and I went to my primary care doctor about it around 5 months ago, but he just said to do some stuff to try to relieve the discomfort like drinking lots of liquids or gargle salt water.\n\nBut recently, I just fought off a nasty fever, and the lump in my throat is getting worse. I feel it every day, and eating and breathing is becoming much more difficult. Breathing when I'm trying to sleep is getting hard. It feels like mucus gets pushed into my breathing pathways, and I wake up with a congested nose every single day. And when I eat, I have to have a glass of water to help me swallow. I start to gag if I put just a little too much food in my mouth. It doesn't help that I'm only 120lbs and need to put on some weight too. I was about 120lbs before the lump appeared too, so no sudden weight changes.\n\nGoogling my symptoms hasn't helped. This thing is starting to cause me so much stress; I just want some relief :(", "answer": "A lump in the throat is not an uncommon symptom after something stressful like bronchitis etc - for you it's spiralling out of control as the experience stresses you out further and that makes the sensation worse.\n\nMight be a good idea to look into some distraction techniques to reduce the severity of your experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "73bxz2", "comment_id": "dnp6f7b"}, {"question": "Anyone else suck at speaking in front of people?", "description": "I used to be good at it.  But ever since my social anxiety kicked in, I've gotten worse and worse at it.  Even shit like saying here when roll is called gets me a little anxious sometimes.  I have to present a small power point about myself in spanish class.  I am freaking out about it.  Especially since school has just started and I am not comfortable with my class at all.  Fuck, help.", "answer": "I have always had a weird relationship with my social anxiety.  I have a ton but I also am a bit of an adrenaline junkie.  I've performed music on stage more times than I can count and if it's been a little while, getting up there makes me feel like my skeleton is going to jump out of my skin.  Thankfully it hasn't yet.  \n\nI think one of the main things that adds to social anxiety is forgetting that what you see and are aware of within yourself is not at all what the others see.  For instance, when I play a song, I know exactly how I want it to sound down to every chord and every sung note.  If it's a little off, I get upset.  I also get upset that everyone else can see exactly how nervous I am.  \n\nIn reality, they have no idea.  It's taken me a very long time of people telling me they're \"shocked to even hear I have such high social anxiety because it doesn't show\" to believe they're telling the truth.  \n\nThe take away, nobody out there knows you're nervous unless you say it during the presentation or continuously apologize for any miniscule mistake you might make (that nobody probably would've even noticed if you don't bring attention to it).  \n\nPractice your presentation.  Practice presenting it in a few different ways as when your nerves kick in, it might be an incredible presentation, but not the one exact way you pictured it in your mind.  That's okay!  You'll power through it.  \n\nHonestly, when it comes to school, most people are scared to death to get up in front of people and give a presentation.  Almost everyone feels some sense of panic and think everyone can see it, when most people can't.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)   ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6vvnoz", "comment_id": "dm3m1j1"}, {"question": "Update on is he being abusive or am I too sensitive?", "description": "I posted twice in the last two weeks here asking for advice about my husband's behavior.\n\n\nOnce, after my SO's recent not coming home and not letting me know where ever was for 24 hrs (then reducing me to tears for asking him to be considerate), and the other time after he stonewalled me for 16 hours because I accidentally interrupted him (though I profusely apologised).\n\nLast night, after being shouted at again, called crazy, out of my mind, and other names, because I commented that he had been acting suspiciously with his phone recently (never letting it out his sight, running back to get it even when he'd already started running the shower and taking it to the bathroom), then him shouting to 'get out' and pack my bags when I said he had no right to shout at me and call me names, I finally left.\n\nHe walked me down to the apartment lobby, then walked off ahead of me into the night leaving me by the curb as I waited for a taxi to a hotel across town. He didn't say goodbye or inquire as to where I was going although it was late etc, which says it all.\n\nSo, Reddit, thanks for your previous advice and listening to me....it's helped me to see that this isn't a good relationship.\nAnd now, after being shouted at to leave, well, I have more than enough reason to GTFO and start anew.\n\nTerrified and missing him (the good side), but know I can't keep accepting his behaviour, otherwise I'm resigning myself to a life as a doormat.\n\nEDIT: moving into my own apartment (one month temporarily) tomorrow. Have ignored the few phone calls and one email he sent last night with a half assed apology. Staying strong, going No Contact, and collecting my things whilst he's at work tomorrow.\n\nSo genuinely moved and galvanised by your help, Kind Reddit Strangers; THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU x", "answer": "abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rzus1", "comment_id": "ddbfuom"}, {"question": "I'm [M 22] and I'm ruining my relationship with my [F 21] girlfriend because I get/have jealous/low self-esteem/anxiety/insecurities. I'm irrational and difficult. Can someone help me please?", "description": "I'll try to keep this as short as possible as I don't want bore anyone. Me and my girlfriend have been together now for over 9 months, this is my first and serious relationship (and sexual) My girlfriend has been in two relationships before me, one that was probably about under half a year and another that was about 11 months. Both of these past relationships were sexual though not as much with the 4 month relationship. Even though she's been in two relationships before me, one of which is still currently longer than ours, she says that this is her first serious relationship and one where's she's happy, has been in love and has enjoyed sex. We try so many different positions and have fun in bed. We always go out and have the best times with each other, we laugh so hard at times with eachother. We love eachother dearly. So why do I still get insecurities? Why are they much worse now than when we started our relationship? \n\nBefore continuing I'm fully aware that I'm the one that's difficult and damaging, I know I'm being irrational and the one that's ruining things, I don't know if it makes it worse being aware, it's just I can't help having these dark moment of feeling useless, I just want them to go away.\n\nI've make things difficult because I always want to compare and I'll always fixate on numbers, like \"how many times did you have sex in your past relationship\", \"what were the positions\", \"am I the best and the biggest\" I'll even ask things like \"have you cuddled in this position before\" and even if she suggests watching a film, I always try to subtly ask if she saw it before with him. I don't know why I ask, because it only makes it worse. It's straining on her, but I just can't help it.\n\nShe said her second relationship went bad only after two months, and that she hardly saw if very much each week and that they had several breaks, almost every 3 months they'd go on a break. Their sex life was borderline abusive as he'd do things to her that she wasn't comfortable with. She hasn't got the best family, with her mum moving in different men/constant house changing, and he was her outlet.\n\nI feel guilty for everything that happened to her during her second relationship because I knew her from before she got into it, we'd flirt a lot and it was obvious that we both liked each other a lot, but I didn't have the confidence to say anything back them. But I feel as if I had said something they maybe everything bad that happened to her in between wouldn't have happened, and also a bunch of the first time stuff would also have been with me, but I know that's me being selfish. I carry this weight with me a lot of the time, sometimes it'll be days where I don't think about it at all, but sometimes it's get too much for me to the point where I'll hurt myself (she doesn't know).\n\nEdit: She says I've help her discover herself as a person and that I've been the best thing to have ever happened to her, and that I've helped her so much with home stuff, more than anyone has ever. She says she can't imagine a life without me and that she loves me so much. I've always been there for her with any of her stuff as my love and support is unconditional, and she knows that.\n\nWe love each other so much, but why do I act like this? Is it because this is my first relationship and if I had been in several others, then maybe I wouldn't feel as insecure, maybe I'd wouldn't think about her ex, because I'd be able to appreciate something good. I love this girl and we've spoken about future commitments and I truly do want my life to be with this person, I just don't think I can let myself to be this message of a person to her, I care too much for her and I feel while it might get her now, she would be better of without me. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do, how do I better myself, I really want to, please help me.", "answer": "psychologytoday.com    therapist directory", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vi0i1", "comment_id": "dm0fsp4"}, {"question": "Anyone here have a vitamin D deficiency?", "description": "I was recently diagnosed with a severe vitamin D deficiency. I think it's because I cover up from head to toe year round due to my hirsutism. Also heavily introverted so I'm indoors most of the time. I'm worried about my bone health. My back constantly aches and I've developed hump on the base of my neck. Also I'm a two inches shorter this year. What does this all mean?", "answer": "Yeah, I was put on prescription vitamin D. \n\nI read up and found most overweight people have low levels because it just hangs out in the fat instead of doing the stuff out body needs it to. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7h1oex", "comment_id": "dqo4raf"}, {"question": "Getting rid of the illusion that you need a drink to relax", "description": "Anyone else have issues with this in the beginning? Right now I work about 80 hours a week and my only time to relax is Friday and Sunday evenings. All I can think about during those evenings is how badly I want to drink. I feel bored without it. I want to do other fun things in my free time but feel like I don't have the energy, so drinking often seems like the best solution. So lately all I've been doing is sitting around watching Netflix, maybe doing some chores here and there, and quite frankly it's depressing. Not sure how to start enjoying my days off again. ", "answer": "Yoga has really helped me. Not for everyone...maybe check out Yoga with Adrienne on youtube. She has lots of short, simple yoga sequences on a range of topics from anxiety to depression, as well as yoga for physical health benefits. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8st0j1", "comment_id": "e12iuxl"}, {"question": "Like to be hit?", "description": "I\u2019m a girl and I always crave physical violence. I used to cut when I was younger, and now I want my boyfriend to slap me in the face or even punch me. I like when he rough houses me, and it\u2019s mainly during sex and I like when he slaps me out of nowhere. I hang out with another guy friend sometimes who I know will slap me too. \n\nNormal...?", "answer": "Doesn't sound like it's coming from a place of comfort or seeking comfort as much as something like cutting. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8alwzv", "comment_id": "dwzou7r"}, {"question": "Can I hear the positive stories of those of you who have finished college or grad school with ADHD?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Got through two theses, one undiagnosed, one diagnosed. Both sucked but both worth it. You can do this!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "gd8lkz", "comment_id": "fpgct2e"}, {"question": "Brother dying of liver failure. Questions on life expectancy.", "description": "My brother is in the hospital with liver failure due to alcohol. His MELD is 38. He is 46 years old and he seems to think that he can survive this. While I admire his courage, I understand this is fatal. But I cannot understand how long he has left with a MELD of 38. I have heard 2 days, I have heard a year...... Any help is greatly appreciated.  \nI know no one can tell me the day he will die... duh. But may something more specific than 2 days to a year? I need to know how much time I have with my brother, so I can make the most of it.   \nThank you all from the bottom of my heart.  \n\n* 42\n* M\n* 6 2\n* 160\n* W\n* 6 Years\n* liver\n* meld 38, cirrhosis, rapid weight loss, jaundice, paracentesis, pancreatitis\n* dialysis and pain meds", "answer": "Getting an answer from the team involved is he best answer. Based on MELD, he has about a one in five chance of surviving 90 days.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8pfkv", "comment_id": "esotey4"}, {"question": "Request: Dealing with loss of self-esteem and having people see you again", "description": "I was suffering from ED for 4 years until my body just slowed itself down and I started gaining weight again while eating very little. Anyway, I was in a really difficult relationship and it ended very badly. During this relationship I isolated myself from a lot of my friends, diminished my social circle to just a handful of people who all live outside of my city, and put a strain on most other aspects of my life. This relationship ended just before I started seriously devoting myself to treatment, and over the summer I gained much more weight than I was told I would by the doctor.\n\nThe weight gain and the recovery process itself made me depressed, and it made me afraid to go outside or visit even my limited circle of friends. I haven't bought new clothes and feel like I can't face the mall. I cry most times when I have a shower I am terrified of seeing my now ex again at university, because I feel so vulnerable and my self-esteem is so low. I feel like my weight and my recovery is a visible weakness that I am wearing around like a neon sign, and I don't know what I can do. \n\nDoes anyone have advice?\n", "answer": "Yes. Find a local support group. What you need is 12,000 units of validation and support. It sounds like you are doing recovery right but are in the in-between space where you aren't getting the internal control/relief anymore and haven't started to get to self-esteem based confidence so it's super important to get that validation and support from others who you value and trust. It's work but worth it. ", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "6w9tvr", "comment_id": "dm6w121"}, {"question": "My intro. CBT question. Day 2 no booze", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Hi. I know the Centre for Clinical interventions website has some very good resources re Cbt for anxiety, depression etc. While they are not specifically what you asked for they might help you. The Cbt principals are similar whatever the difficulty. Best wishes. Iwndwyt.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9ezgo4", "comment_id": "e5t0yhg"}, {"question": "Foggy mind and memory after waking up, did constant OCD-related compulsions previously", "description": "16, Male\n\nSo, this feeling is basically like... when I want to try and think about something a bit, it's like my mind doesn't wanna do it. It's like my mind is too tired to think about things, like it's exhausted and needs a break.\n\nDuring the weekend, I started to do compulsions for my worries as part of my OCD. These compulsions involve me thinking, or speaking, a few lines to tell myself that my worrying is irrational etc. These compulsions quickly became constant and hard not to do, refraining from doing them would make me feel anxious and panicky. I have spent 3 or 4 days in which I have did these compulsions all day (there have been a few breaks or decreases in frequency but it feels like it varies from every minute to every few minutes or whatever).\n\nI've been sleeping alright, getting at least 7 hours a night, but have still been going to bed late (usually around 1 - 2 AM). Since these compulsions, I have been getting more headaches and uncomfortable aches (I had a mild burning sensation at the back of my head for a bit last night). Right now I'm getting these aches, and they're not necessarily nice.\n\nPlease help me out with this. Thank you, and have a nice day. ;)\n\nNote: Yesterday, I actually get really stressed at one point because of these compulsions. I have also being rushing them slightly at times, and sometimes repeating them again and again and again because I can't get them right. I haven't been doing them non-stop all day but it still feels like I've been doing them too much.", "answer": "To clarify, have you been formally diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5738wl", "comment_id": "d8p6klq"}, {"question": "At a risk of mental illness/suicide?", "description": "My mom has tried to commit suicide several times during her life. Once I was like eight and I witnessed the cut on her wrists while she had attempted to take her life. I still remember. While my grandmother had her own history of strange behaviour.\n\nMy sister (16) is in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend and her friends told me they saw light self harm scars.\n\nNone of them have been diagnosed with anything as mental health is a taboo here. I am 18. If there a history of mental illness/suicide in my family, does that mean I will have this kind of behaviour too? And whoever comes after me?\n\nTo be honest, I have been having bad thoughts too...", "answer": "That's a tricky question.\n\nResearch does show that folks who experience some of those things in their homes (even if it's not them going through it) may be at a higher risk for developing mental health concerns. There is a HUGE study on this by Kaiser Permanente: it's called the ACE study. Look it up if you like.\n\nThe important takeaway those is that these are correlations, NOT causations. Just because that happens in someone's family doesn't mean that person is going to through it too. It's more complex than that. One might say that you may be more sensitive or predisposed to experience some mental health issues because of what you've experienced. \n\nThat's why self-care and doing your own work can be so important. You can learn from the experiences of your family members to avoid getting caught in some of the same situations that led to those mental health concerns.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkiwgn", "comment_id": "f4g2l65"}, {"question": "Hurt, lost and disappointed. (Long one, sorry)", "description": "Hello, I'm new here so not sure how it all works. But I want to share my story and any advice/suggestions would help a lot. \n\nBackground:\nMy partner (M51) and I (F40) been together for 4years. \nDuring those 4 years we broke up many many times. The main reason we broke up so many times is because of his ex-partner. He and his ex have been together for 16/17 years ....they split up 1,5 years before I met him. She had a baby just when we started dating (no, it's not his child). She lives in Dublin (we're in London). At the beginning he used to visit her and her child in Dublin almost every months. He also is a godfather to her child (which he hid from me, but I found out by accident). Nowadays, He still visits them a lot but not as often as it used to be. \nAs I mentioned we've been together for 4 years, but I haven't met her or her child. At the begging he said it's not a right time to tell her about us (?), I don't know why. So I waited. Now, he says he goes there to spend some time with his godson. Many times when he went to Dublin he lied or hid from me, which I found out about later. And if and when he tells me that he's going there it's always the last minute. And obviously it makes me upset and we have arguments when he's back from Dublin. \n\nHe says that they have long history and that they're just good friends, and that she and her family will always be a part of his life espclly that he's a godfather to her son. \nI understand that and accept it. But he also says that he wants me to be part of his life too and that he loves me and he wants to be with me and that there's nothing between them, that emotionally and physically he's not attracted to her anymore, that it's all gone. And I believe him, I know he loves me and I love him too, but why he doesn't want to introduce us?? \n\n", "answer": "It makes no sense for you not to meet her. He shouldn't have a private relationship with his ex", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbctn", "comment_id": "dko4lay"}, {"question": "Should I go to the hospital again? Not slept in 31 days. Will I die soon?", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 86lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a month or more\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Ativan 0.50mg, Ativan 1mg, risperidone 0.5mg everyday, risperidone 0.25mg at bedtime, trileptal 150mg half twice a day. \nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example\n\n\nEveryone says that's impossible but for me it's not. I haven't slept for a very long time and don't know what is wrong with me. I'm seeing a sleep specialist soon. Please understand that this is not an exaggeration. I really have not slept and believe I will die soon if medical professionals do not listen to me. I've been having all delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia. It's increased due to no sleep otherwise I wouldn't be thinking this way. It is the reason as to why I'm not sleeping. Every time I try and sleep I just can't fall asleep. I used to take Benadryl but for some reason it has stopped working. \n\nMedical professionals are saying it's anxiety but the anxiety is during the day and has never been this bad until I started having trouble sleeping. In fact, the anxiety isnt always there. I've been having lots of palpitations and dizziness as well as headaches and nausea. I've been feeling weak as well and just after a shower I start shaking a bit due to how tired my limbs are probably. I believe all of it is definitely due to no sleep. I've went to the hospital 3 times in one week because of the lack of sleep and it presenting many physical symptoms. They have told me to keep taking benadryl. I have actually lost my trust in doctors because a lot have not listened to what I have to say. \n\nLast time I went to the hospital, they had to check my weight and I had lost 3 lbs. I think my heart and the rest of my body will give out one day if no one helps me. I have never ever in my entire life experienced such a thing at all. I slept well during my vacation.. about 5 hours a day but before and after coming back my sleep was poor. Before I left it was due to spiders or centipedes in the house and after coming back in the beginning it was due to jet lag. I did not travel outside of the country. The sleeplessness has been going on since June 25th. However, it got worse fast. I've have slept 5 days for at least 4 hours to 10 hours after taking Benadryl or Ativan. I stopped taking the Ativan and Xanax due to muscle spasms and jerking movements that I've been experiencing in my neck sometimes. I just don't know what to take anymore to fall asleep. I just want some sort of insight. I've already went to my doctor who doesn't listen to me and relates everything to anxiety. \n\nHowever,  I'm not anxious all the time when trying to sleep. It's mostly because of not being able to sleep that I start having palpitations and dizziness as well as headaches and then sometimes that gives me anxiety. I just really want for someone to believe me when I say I haven't slept for that long. I am not exaggerating and know for a fact that I've been awake for that long tossing and turning in my bed. I am seeing the sleep specialist on Thursday but before then, I really want to try and sleep a little and feel like it will be too late then. I have tried melatonin, deep breathing relaxation techniques, benadryl, and Ativan. I forgot to mention that I've been getting aches and pains throughout my entire body as if I have a cold of some sort right now. Could I have some sort of underlying disease because of all this. They took blood work a couple times at the hospital and said everything was fine. \n\nNone of them have helped me sleep longer than 10 hours a day. It's only worked a couple times. What do you think is wrong with me? I sincerely ask to please answer every question that I am asking on here. I have run out of options and I feel  like I'm running out of time and will either have another major health issue due to this or die. Please help. \n\n\n\nP.s.- this is not mania. I have no racing thoughts and I have not had any other symptoms related to mania. I do not think it is wise for a psychiatrist to prescribe antipsychotics to a patient who has never taken any type of medication for a mental illness ever. I will be seeking a second opinion from another psychiatrist because she did not listen to everything I said and did not ask me any questions. I would like for medical professionals to at least rule out physical causes first and then say its mental. It is wiser that way in my opinion.\n\n\nUpdate: I have messaged some of you because I cannot reply to any of you. I have NOT taken the psych medication the doctor prescribed. I do not think it is needed as of now. I had hallucinations and paranoia before but it wasn't while sleep deprived. It's why she gave it to me. I drove myself to the hospital and I really hope they help me. I have never been to a psych hospital so I am very afraid of going to one. I don't like being locked in somewhere. I know it's safe and all but that makes me panic more. Thank you all for your responses. It's a little overwhelming for me to read them all and I've only read some. Some are very helpful and others actually give me a lot of anxiety.\n\n\n\nUpdate #2 (I know I seem crazy but it's a little story now so I decided to share): I left the hospital without being discharged cause I thought they were going to admit me. Turns out they weren't. The social worker asked questions and said she had to call my mom for collateral because I was there 6 days ago. She said it was unusual to come back after seeing a psychiatrist. So, after she had to leave due to someone getting an x-ray, I pulled all the wires and shit off of me, put my clothes on, and hid in the bathroom until the coast was clear. Their was a van and everything outside and I ran to my car, thinking it was for me. I was going to sleep in my car in a different parking lot cause I really thought they were still after me. Even went to Walmart to buy food for the night and a couple of other nights. \n\nEvery car behind me made me think it was a fuckin cop trying to get me back to the hospital. Even thought of buying a change of clothes so I wouldn't be noticed. Eventually, after a couple of hours of driving around, getting lost due to panic about being chased, and my parents calling me I decided to head home because I thought it was safe. The reason I didn't end up home in the first place was because I thought the cops were waiting for me at my house.", "answer": "All the useful advice that can be given has been given. This needs to be treated by a doctor in person, not with spitballing over the internet.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjtwol", "comment_id": "evgs54f"}, {"question": "I've an appointment with a cardilogist tomorrow, but heart is weird", "description": "Hi, then. Relevant: 19 years, 1.93, 138kg, black, male. Not confirmed by psycho yet, but anxious and depressed. Septum deviation and taking corticoid and loratamed. Sedentary.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nI was playing on my  pc, as I did all day - the day went by normally - until now... I felt an uneasiness. My heart raced, but I felt something in my throat. I put my hand on my left chest and my heart beats accelerated. I tried to take a deep breath to control and I sat on the bed. Worried, I already scored a cardio for this Friday, but since I do not control the time, I have to wait 8 hours. \n\n​\n\nBut my heart is weird rn. My heart is  normal  but  after accelerate again, especially when I feel a little more anxious. How to control this and what to do now? I'm afraid I'll lie down and something will happen. What the best position to rest?\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nP.S; On 9/12/2018, I had a tachycardia. I was in good shape and I got up, boom, boom. My heart gave two strong beats, I lost the way for 5sec .. I was controlling to go to hospital the next day. The doctor, from what I related, said it was anxiety tachycardia. I even did the electrocardiogram and it was  all normal.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nP.P.S: In these last days, when I go to sleep, those crises begin. Especially when I try to sleep on my stomach down or when I have thoughts about the future or imagining situations, it gives these accelerations and I always have to change my position. This does not happen during the day, only at night. That's why I'm sleeping in the day.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nP.p.p.s: last year, maybe in November, I increase the pace of my wal to follow a friend and as it was not the normal pace, my heart beat faster - until here, normal. But the problem is that it seemed that only a part of him was beating, it seems that he was out of step.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nThank you. It seems that after leading a life of bad habits, they are finally charging me. Sorry, English is not my first language. ", "answer": "Hopefully the cardiologist will order a Holter Monitor for you. It's an electrocardiogram that you wear for 24-72 hours. Maybe an echocardiogram, too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeq805", "comment_id": "edrror9"}, {"question": "Zoloft and codeine ok?", "description": "Just been prescribed Zoloft about a week ago , 50mg and I advised the doc I had been taking panadeine extra (codeine 15mg/500mg paracetamol) for about 2 years pretty much daily at the maximum prescribed dose (6-8 a day so 90-120mg codeine) for pain. \n\nI am cutting back on the panadeine extra as I realise the paracetamol is at a high dose for that long term use but it's going to be to be done gradually as I am a bit dependent on it now. \n\nAnyway, the doc said it's fine to take both at the same time. The pharmacist said it's fine to take both at the same time. I checked online and have become concerned about serotonin syndrome and don't know if that's a stupid fear?  I do get fasciculations and head pressure , but I called 3 pharmacists again today and they all said it's fine to take both together. \n\nNot so sure myself , just hoping for confirmation that it's ok to keep going ahead with the Zoloft. \n\nThanks. ", "answer": "It's a stupid fear. Listen to your doc.\n\nGoid luck cutting down on the painkillers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6n0rla", "comment_id": "dk5v8e6"}, {"question": "My Boyfriend Won't Talk!", "description": "Ok so long story short, my boyfriend couldn't handle the pressure of being there for me so we broke up and stayed friends but he just won't talk to me anymore. He's gone silent and nothing I say will make him talk. ;( please help! I need your opinion and if you want the whole story, I'll email.", "answer": "give him some space and reach out in a month", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kgtrj", "comment_id": "dbntjm1"}, {"question": "My best friend(20F) is in love with me(24M)", "description": "I met her when she was a freshman in high school and I was a senior. She had no friends and would just sit alone and draw pictures by herself. I met her when some guy snatched her notebook with all her drawings in it away from her. He and his friends were looking through all the pictures laughing. So I just walked up and told him that he better give it back(I've always been a tall intimidating person.) He gave it back, said sorry and walked away. Ever since then her and I have been best friends. She was like a little sister sort of. She hangs with my group and is like one of the guys. Even after I graduated I would pick her up from school most days and we would just hang out. I've seen every anime in existence because of her. She's super pretty and is the coolest girl ever. Last year she was almost raped walking home late at night. She messaged me that she thought she was being watched and followed. I got no response back when I asked if she was okay so I drove the route that she usually would walk home. I saw her things on the ground and thought the worse had happened. I found a car nearby in this empty parking lot and heard noises. When I opened the door her shirt was ripped open, she was bottomless, his hand was around her neck and she was resisting. I beat him so bad that he needed emergency care. It's been really rough for her ever since. She doesn't trust anyone but me and has panic attacks. The guy she was in a relationship with at the time it happened left her because she was \"too much to handle.\" Earlier today she sent \"I love you. I've always loved you.\" I wasn't thinking that kind of love because we tell each other that we love each other in a friends way. So I just replied with \"I love ya too\" and she sent \"no, I REALLY love you.\" Then she sent \"sorry\" and just changed the subject and hasn't brought it up since. \n\nI've never really thought her that way. I mean she is beautiful and amazing and the girl I care about most but I always saw her as a little sister. Just wondering how I should go about this and if she is really in love with me or if this has anything to do with her almost being raped. ", "answer": "remain her best friend. she's going through a hard time. just gently maintain the platonic bf and tell her it's best for both of you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mnfii", "comment_id": "dc4we3a"}, {"question": "Group interview tomorrow! Any advice?", "description": "I really hope this is the right thread! I have a group interview tomorrow for a seat in a graduate mental health counseling program! I have never been so excited for something! I guess I am just here to ask advice, from people who have been through it before, on what to expect. I know every program is different, but having the slightest bit of knowledge beforehand would be so helpful!", "answer": "Be prepared to comment about what you would bring to the practice (theoretical framework, prior experience). They may also want to see how you would mesh with the existing team so being appropriately outgoing and gregarious will go a long way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f9e3wf", "comment_id": "firdf10"}, {"question": "A weird and funny coping mechanism that comforts and motivates me: Puppy talk as self-praise!", "description": "I'm extremely afraid of doing something wrong, being devalued, and getting rejected and abandoned by people I care about. When I get really depressed or down, this gets particularly bad because I'll just lie in bed feeling miserable, and then judge myself for feeling miserable. Doing things that are healthy for me (eating meals, doing chores, exercising, leaving the house) feels impossible because I feel like I'm worthless and hopeless. \n\nToday I was in this state. I knew that I should do some chores, make myself food, eat all of the food, and then go out and call one of my friends. But I felt like depression was weighing down my limbs and making it impossible to move. \n\nIt's really hard for me to convince myself that I'm worth something in this state, or to think anything positive by myself. Emotionally, that feels like absolutely not the truth, and I can't really be objective about my value when I'm so depressed and miserable. So rather than trying to tackle the issue of self-love head on, I took a bit of a shortcut with puppy talk. \n\nDogs sometimes refuse to follow orders even if you're telling them to do what's best for them, just like my body and the self-hating part of me does when I'm depressed. Nevertheless, when I see a dog, my first urge is to praise it and be kind to it, no matter what it does. \n\nSo I took up this mentality with myself. I was lying on the floor heavy with depression. I forced myself to get up, and then I said \"Good boy!\" to myself, which felt kind of silly, but also made me feel warm and happy. Then I walked three steps to the kitchen, said \"Good boy!\" to myself again, went to the sink to wash dishes, said \"Good boy!\" again, and so on and so on. I kept doing this, talking myself the way I'd talk to a dog and being nice to myself until I had gotten out the door. \n\nToday went from a \"stay in bed, dissociate, and hate yourself\" day to a \"go out, meet friends, walk around, exercise, and enjoy yourself\" day because I discovered this coping mechanism! Although I get that it might not be for everyone, I hope it helps someone else out there. :)  ", "answer": "I love this :D", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7eetdb", "comment_id": "dq504j1"}, {"question": "Stigma about disorders with therapists; possible difficulties with medication", "description": "Tl;dr at bottom\n\nOne of my goals for when I start attending college in the fall is to start seeing a therapist or someone similar. I've been too scared to talk to my family about my mental health the past few years, so I've been silently suffering. \n\nI took AP psychology this past year, and as part of it, we looked in depth at some mental disorders. While I hate self diagnosing, I do believe that I may fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder. I researched BPD as part of a project in the class, and the more I looked into it, the more it seemed to fit my behavior and actions, especially in the past couple of years. \n\nMy one fear about seeing a therapist about having BPD is that apparently there is a huge stigma around it, even within the world of therapists. I'm afraid that if I am diagnosed with BPD, my therapist will act differently because of my diagnosis. How can I get over my fear of being rejected by a therapist due to a disorder I might not have?\n\nAnother issue that I might have is with medication. If I am diagnosed with BPD, or a piece of it like depression or anxiety, I know that I will probably be told to take medication. As far as I know, medication is administered through pills. I have a very strong gag reflex in the back of my throat, so I have never been able to take pills successfully. Are there any medications that I can take that aren't in a pill form? If not, what is a recommended way to take pills for someone who has difficulty swallowing them?\n\nTl;dr - How can I get over my fear of being rejected by a therapist due to a disorder I might not have? Are there medications that I can take that aren't in a pill form? If not, what is a recommended way to take pills for someone who has difficulty swallowing them?", "answer": "Someone may have already said something like this, but I want to put out there--someone who comes in with full awareness of their BPD symptoms feels very different to many therapists than someone who doesn't. It can be less intimidating if a client were to come in demonstrating awareness of these behavior patterns. What can be so intimidating about BPD is that some people who have it (not all) can direct intense anger at others, which is even more intimidating if the person isn't aware of their patterns. They might get even more angry if the therapist tries to diagnose them with BPD or explain the patterns. \n\n​\n\nHowever, when someone has an awareness, sometimes the therapist feels more comfortable working with the behaviors, because the person is less likely to blow up if the therapist tries to give them feedback, since they're already aware. \n\n​\n\nThere is still, of course, the chance that a therapist might feel intimidated even if someone came in with that already-established awareness. But you wouldn't want to work with that therapist anyway, so at least you'll know it wouldn't be a good fit. :) Hope you find someone you click with!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cbc3h3", "comment_id": "etgh9h0"}, {"question": "Started levothyroxine, heart skipping beats much more frequently", "description": "Male. 26. 195. 5\u20196\u201d. USA. White. Hx of heart skipping beats every now and then. I\u2019ve had several echos, EKGs, and a holter. The skipped beats have been determined to be benign.    \n   \nMy last visit to the PCP in February showed my TSH 16.6 and my T4 in upper 4\u2019s. T3, free t4, uptake, all normal. My thyroglobulin antibodies were 42 and an ultrasound showed thyroiditis without modules or cystic mass.   \n    \nMy endo said let\u2019s wait a month and recheck in case it\u2019s just transient. We rechecked and the TSH went all the way down to 5.6. He didn\u2019t test the T4 or antibodies. I called in to see what the new plan of care is and he had prescribed me levothyroxine 25mcg.  \n    \nI began taking it about 6 days ago and now I\u2019ve noticed my skipped beats are smaller in intensity but much more frequent.      \n    \n1. This drug is usually something one takes for life. But i don\u2019t think I can tolerate this increase in skipped beats for life. They feel like every minute several.    \n    \n2. Doesn\u2019t a drop from 16 to 5 suggest that he was right initially about it being transient? Maybe we needed to wait longer?    \n   \n3. What do you think about the thyroiditis and high antibodies?     \n    \nI had several chem and CBCs done and everything else was normal. I drink no caffeine, drugs, alcohol, smoking. Nothing. ", "answer": "I am not an endocrinologist, but it's worth discussion. a TSH of 5.6 is higher than normal, but not very. It does seem possible that the thyroiditis was still getting better and with a little more time you wouldn't need any treatment.\n\nSkipping beats could be from *hyper*thyroidism, which could happen if you are taking thyroid hormone when actually you are producing enough on your own.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88uv0d", "comment_id": "dwnuvx5"}, {"question": "Will doctors prescribe me narcotics if my dad and grandma suffered from alcoholism?", "description": "So i have serious anxiety & panic episodes and really want benzos but i think my Gp is holding back because my dad abused alcohol and so did his mother. Does this actually happen?", "answer": "I would avoid getting psych prescriptions from a GP. Instead, it would be wiser and healthier for you to see a psychiatrist if at all possible. They have training in those types of medications and are much more qualified to prescribe appropriate medications.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1f66n5", "comment_id": "ca7ekwb"}, {"question": "Second cousin 14 year old", "description": "Yea, typing the title makes me feel weird. But everything else about her is attractive to me. She's taller than I am and I'm 20 years old and \n 5'7\". We had a great time together playing apples to apples and talking with our folks at dinner. The whole afternoon she seemed fascinated in what I had to say. She has an almost aristocratical air about her. She is studying Latin and French with English. She's from a very wealth home. I learned all this yesterday afternoon. \n\nAs the fun slowed down, I made sure to get her alone upstairs. We were watching Sherlock on a couch when I put my arm around her. I kissed her on the cheek, figuring she would know for sure my intentions. I made sure not to do more in case she felt weird... \n\nShe went downstairs suddenly. Said she \"should probably\" go do that. She had told me a little earlier she had to go to bed in 30 Minutes. It had been about 1 minute. \n\nThe next day, I was alone in the house while the family went to a tennis game. I overslept. Up all night.\n\nAm I mad that she walked away? Did she just feel uncomfortable? She leaves tomorrow. \nI am not looking at myself very fondly right now, whatever the answer is. We haven't spoken since she last night. Could use advise/encouragement. I wish she haddnt left... but maybe it was for the best in a weird way. \n\n", "answer": "unless you live outside the US, she is below the age of consent. and maybe where you live too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74zmal", "comment_id": "do2dd6w"}, {"question": "How to differentiate between anxiety attack and pulmonary embolism?", "description": "Hey I'm an 18 year old 5'11, 135 pound Caucasian male with asthma and exema, allergies, pcs, anxiety and neck issues.\n\nI recently accidentally came across a group of doctors who were discussing pulmonary embolisms and the symptoms sounded very similar to an anxiety attack/anxiety disorder especially when they said a common symptom of PE is a feeling of empending doom and the feeling like you are certainly going to die. This is something I experience often also with my anxiety disorder as well as other symptoms such as strange feelings of pressure and pain in my chest, weird heart rhythm, and a bunch of other things.\n\nAnyway a lot of my symptoms match with those of a pulmonary embolism so I'm wondering how one can differentiate the two?", "answer": "A feeling of impending doom is more classic for heart attack (and, of course, panic attack) than for PE. The most common symptoms of PE are shortness of breath, rapid breathing, and chest pain, probably in about that order.\n\nMost importantly, PEs are rare out of nowhere. If you have no risk factors for it, those symptoms are almost certainly not a PE. Risk factors would be cancer, being immobile/bedbound for a long time, or having a history of PE or DVTs.\n\nWithout those, as a young and otherwise reasonably healthy person, *especially* with reason to have similar symptoms (panic), it's probably not a PE.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ajws8", "comment_id": "dwz98dj"}, {"question": "I am human.", "description": "I asked on here what a good sober date night would be without having kids for a night. And a few awesome people gave me ideas. I stopped drinking September 27th. Which was one day before a NF concert I went to with my best friend who has been sober for 2 years. Crazy thing is, her and I became friends 13 years ago when we snorted a vicodin together the first night we met...obviously not knowing we'd become best friends through our using days and eventually when we both went to rehab at certain points in our lives. The night we went to the concert, she had 2 years under her belt and I had 1 day. My sobriety lasted 22 days before I relapsed. I had every intention on doing a puzzle with husband tonight while sipping some tea and being proud of myself. But it didnt happen. We went to the casino because it was me who said, \"lets go do something! We stay at home every night of our lives, we have no kids tonight.\" I dont like to gamble but I thought I'd take one for team (aka my amazing husband who can gamble without drinking & stop after losing 40 bucks) and try the slots. Wow i was winning and it was fun. I stayed away from the bar..easy peasy. Then a waitress came and asked if she could get me a drink. Michelob Ultra I replied. I drank it...followed by a few more. I'm sitting here typing this, slightly buzzed after 5 drinks and I'm not going to beat myself up. If I do, I know its going to follow with more drinking and depression. I messed up. But out of 23 days, I had some drinks ONE night. Which is my best streak I've ever had in over 2 years when I was drinking a 12 pack EVERY night. And 3 years ago, I was popping 12 vicodin every night on top of it. Tonight.....I'm proud of myself. I'm human and I'm going to mess up sometimes. I'm getting back on the sober train starting now. Thanks for letting me vent and sharing\u2661", "answer": "Absolutely don\u2019t beat yourself up! One night of drinking out of 23 is phenomenal. Welcome back onboard!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dkft6t", "comment_id": "f4g0aqj"}, {"question": "Let's be friends", "description": "Hello, this is my first time posting here; I've been lurking for a few weeks.  I've noticed a trend--that I myself am also experiencing--of folks that feel like it's harder to connect with others and start up friendships.  \n\nI'd like to propose a sort of e-penpals 'project.' Anyone that is interested in sparking up a friendship or 'practicing' getting to know someone could comment on this thread (or even a separate subreddit?) and we could pair up or even do a sort of group chat thing.\n\nIf this is something we already do, please let me know and I'd love to join! \n\nA few ideas/examples of ways to 'pair' up:\n- Age \n\n- Gender (if you're more comfortable opening up to someone based on this criteria)\n\n- Location (allows potential for meeting up IRL if both parties feel comfortable)\n\n- Type of depression/coexisting issues (For example, I also have ADD and AvPD)\n\n- Hobbies\n\n- Randomly\n\n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "I love this idea. I met my best friend, now boyfriend through Reddit because I posted something about looking for a friend. Hopefully this helps other people.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6ehxjd", "comment_id": "diafisp"}, {"question": "I'm a 40 year old guy and I really want to get my belly button pierced.", "description": "But I'm too embarrassed.  Embarrassed at the thought of people I know finding out somehow.  Embarrassed at the thought of going in and telling them what I'm there for.  I've always liked to think that I don't care what people think, but apparently that isn't the case.  And that's a bummer.", "answer": "You only get one life and a belly button piercing is a harmless way to express yourself and be a little rebellious! I say go for it!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "burxdb", "comment_id": "ephl05v"}, {"question": "Physician acted inappropriate and made me uncomfortable", "description": "This happened in Illinois. I have suffered from migraines and was referred to a neurologist. I am a 26 year old female, and doctor was fairly young (maybe low to mid 30s). During the visit, it felt like he was coming on very strong to me. He kept complimenting my looks, telling me how amazing I am, how good my body looks, etc. I am a stay at home mom right now with a toddler. The whole visit was extremely flirtatious and made me uncomfortable. I never once said anything like \"thank you\" because of how weird and uncomfortable it was. When I would change the subject or ignore the complement, he would almost act as if he had been rejected.\n\n​\n\n\nThe worst part was when he asked me if I would be interested in a more 'natural' treatment approach to migraines. He said that orgasms can help reduce migraines, and kept following up asking me about how often my husband and I have sex, telling me I could 'take care of myself' since I stay home, etc. He even said \"..I know some women aren't able to have orgasms, are you able to?\"\n\n​\n\n\n\nObviously I won't be going back to see him again, but I am curious if he technically did something wrong in this situation. He never touched me, or anything physical. I just feel like this type of behavior shouldn't be allowed, but when it is just his word vs. mine, there isn't much I can do now. I did some light research of my own after the visit, and it doesn't seem like orgasms are really a medically recognized treatment, so I feel that he might have overstepped by recommending that option? The situation seemed inappropriate to me based on the power dynamics of a patient - physician relationship, but I don't know if he technically did something wrong here.\n\n​\n\n\nI checked with the state board and his license is active. Couldn't find anything online that would indicate he has a record, or something like this has happened before. Do I just let it go? Obviously all the upstanding docs here on r/AskDocs wouldn't condone this type of behavior... but is this a gray area? \n\n\nRequired Info:\n\n\\- 26 years old\n\n\\-female\n\n\\- 5'-4\"\n\n\\- 115lbs\n\n\\- Caucasian \n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m a physician. He was completely inappropriate. Please report him so that he won\u2019t be able to do this to others. I\u2019m sorry he did this to you!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ys3zi", "comment_id": "ea3n7w8"}, {"question": "I'm a 22 year old guy and my relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years is getting boring.", "description": "I'm in a really weird situation right now.  My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and I am getting really bored of our relationship.  We hardly ever go out anymore, and despite my best efforts, we are becoming huge shut-ins.  I am a really outgoing and socially motivated person, and when we started dating she was too.  However, in the past year and a half, she has been focusing more on school than anything else in her life.  She is really excelling, and I am proud of her, but I feel really neglected by her.  However, I feel like she really needs me as a motivating and emotionally supportive force in her life.  She craves that I give her praise when she does well in school (and I do not use the word crave in a hyperbolic way, as she derives extreme pleasure from it) and that I am there to comfort her when things go awry.  I also feel that she likes having me around so that she doesn't feel lonely.  \n\nAlso, our sex-life has taken a huge step backwards.  I am a very sexual person and she knew this when we started dating.  At first the sex was good, and was getting progressively more adventurous and pleasurable.  But now it feels like we have hit quick sand.  Sex basically consists of me giving her oral sex and then me giving it to her missionary style.  I might get her to go on top if I'm lucky, but that is the farthest extent.  As a result, lately I have had a few thoughts of infidelity.  Not to be conceited, but I am an attractive guy and I garner a lot of female sexual attention when I go out, and that is something that I really want in my life, and I am very tempted to act on it... that being said, I will not give into infidelity, that is just not right for me.\n\nThere is a part of me that feels things have just gotten too stagnate, and that maybe ending things is the way to go, but she was a really rare find.  She is smart, pretty and funny, and we can work VERY well together.  And I have had a lot of experience with other women which  always leads to me getting really sick of them very quickly.  \n\nI don't know what to do, and I feel like if I leave my girlfriend it will destroy her, and that the grass will not really be greener on the other side.", "answer": "It's possible she is very dependent on you and it's draining your relationship. Its also possible that there's a codependent aspect to your relationship: the craving attention from you to boost her ego, using you to assuage your loneliness, you need to comfort her when things go awry; these are all signs of codependency. It's possible that's what causing the shut-in-ness. It's worth checking out at least. \n\nOr, she's just being really fucking selfish and asking you to attend to all her needs and not attending to any of yours. I would have a serious talk with her about your needs and desires. \n\nAlso, dude. You're attractive and 22. You have years to find a wonderful girl, and they are certainly out there. If you're not happy, and asking for what you need doesn't change anything, or you two can't compromise, leaving is probably the best answer. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1d50sr", "comment_id": "c9mycty"}, {"question": "Questions about planning and intervention", "description": "I am planning an intervention for a friend who is having some trouble with alcohol and coke. We are keeping the group small but as we have never been involved in one, have run into some questions. If anyone works in the substance abuse field or has been a part of an intervention before, I would appreciate the insight.\n-Do we need to hire a facilitator? If so, how would we go about doing so? -We are trying to decide if we should involve our friend's parents or not. They are pretty traditional, and honestly they are a bit of a wild card. We aren't sure how they would react..if they would be emotional and supportive or angry and attacking. We were thinking about giving him the chance to make some progress in his healing before involving them and telling him that if it gets any worse, we would have to let them know what is going on. Any thoughts on this? -How long should we allot for this? We are planning to do it right before a local AA meeting and then someone will accompany him to the meeting. We are thinking about two hours. -Are there any things we should definitely say/things we should avoid saying? It is hard for me to imagine the vibe of this whole thing.\nAny other advice you redditors can give would be super helpful. We are hoping this is effective and feel like the more prepared we are, the better chance we have of helping our friend.", "answer": "I appreciate your willingness to help your friend.  From a treatment provider's perspective, the prime factor in determining whether or not something like this would be effective is readiness.  Is your friend ready to make a change?  Is your friend motivated to change?  Or perhaps your friend has no intention or desire to change, and this is an attempt to convince him that he needs to change.\n\nNot to discourage your efforts, but I haven't heard any convincing evidence that interventions like this are effective; at least in the long run.  Having a single event/intervention will not likely be enough; your friend needs ongoing, persistent, and very very supportive encouragement if he is to make any long-lasting change.\n\nRegarding how to approach something like this, I would say to avoid blaming, conflict, arguing, anger, shaming; all these things breed despair and only serve to feed addiction.  Do provide compassion, support, love, hope, concern, optimism; these things welcome growth.\n\nI hope this helps.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "130y4o", "comment_id": "c714trw"}, {"question": "What does \u201cnormal sinus rhythm with sinus arrhythmia\u201d mean on a 12 lead EKG test? (24F)", "description": "UPDATE: thank you for the input, it was actually really helpful when I had questions for my next doctors visit. As of now my primary care doctor believes it\u2019s Lyme Disease but decided to test my blood for some other things that I can\u2019t remember after I came in with new symptoms (pain in other body parts including the chest back and legs, muscle spasms, odd cold sensations in random spots). The immunoblot test didn\u2019t meet the criteria for a positive but 4 out of the 5 bands required for a positive were present so he suspects that it might be early stage. I have a follow up in a few weeks after taking some antibiotics I feel better than a few days ago.\n\n\n\n\nBackground\n\nAge: 24\nSex: female\nHeight: 5ft5\nWeight: around 135\nEthnicity: white, Ashkenazi Jewish\n\n\nI went to the ER with heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, shakiness, sudden intense nausea, and had pain in my arms, particularly the left, two days before being admitted. When I checked my pulse my heart rate was really fast before leaving my house to go to the hospital, but by the time I got there it had slowed down and I was told it was normal. Chest X-ray showed nothing, ER doctor suspected something was wrong with my neck for some reason. Went to my GP after being discharged because he was unable to meet me at the hospital and realized that the hospital never checked my blood sugar, so he has me draw blood in the lab and then has me do a neck X-ray. Neck X-ray turned out normal, still waiting on blood test results. The only thing so far that shows that anything is abnormal is the 12 lead EKG test.\n\nI am home but without feeling much better and the anxiety over not understanding any of what\u2019s going on isn\u2019t helping", "answer": "Normal sinus rhythm does mean without arrhythmia. But it can be normal sinus rhythm with respiratory sinus arrhythmia, which is normal changes with inhalation and exhalation. Another possibility is sinus tachycardia, which is simply a fast heart rate. That can be due to exercise, pain, or anxiety, as well many other causes, many benign, some not.\n\nIf the 12-lead EKG gave an automatic abnormal read but the doctor cleared it, it's likely that it was a normal EKG. The automatic read is deliberately set to recognize problems where there are none (rather than miss any potential problem) and it's actually quite common to get garbage readings out of it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw9f5y", "comment_id": "ey9qatj"}, {"question": "I started taking Cymbalta 3 days ago and experienced some fairly awful side effects so I'm quitting tomorrow. No possibility for withdrawal?", "description": "Hello! \n\nAs per the title I started taking Cymbalta about 3 days ago but it gave me some side effects I couldn't quite stick out (elevated heart rate, worse anxiety, and chills) so I decided to drop off of it. I called my pharmacists and they said I shouldn't have any issues after three days, however, I wanted to get some other opinions here. I've heard some stories about this drug (which I didn't look into until after taking it, sigh) where people have had intense withdrawal systems some people claiming only after taking it for a week or less. \n\nI'm inclined to think those are a bit on the dramatic side, has anyone had experience with this drug? I can't imagine after only 4 days I will experience the dire effects people who've taken it long term have, however, based on the stories of others should I expect anything? \n\nThank you! ", "answer": "You shouldn't get any withdrawal symptoms after just 3 days.\n\nWhat's it being prescribed for, and what meds have you been on previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d5l0", "comment_id": "d8148ag"}, {"question": "My SO gives me the silent treatment if I bring up an issue in our relationship, I end up apologising and it never gets resolved.", "description": "How do I move past this? its happened more times than I can count now. I approach the subject at hand in a calm and tactful manner (truthfully) but it doesn't seem to matter how carefully I tread, he switches off and he becomes unreachable. He finally gets back to me, sometimes after days, and we never talk about it. I guess after hes silent for that long, I begin to feel relieved he wants to talk again. \nHelp?", "answer": "VERY unhealthy dynamic. go to counseling or end it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74uoqe", "comment_id": "do197j3"}, {"question": "should i (medical assistant) get tested for COVID-19?", "description": "Hi! I [23F] Am a medical assistant at an urgent care center and primary care, so we\u2019ve been getting a lot of sick patients especially in the last few weeks come in with complaints of cough, fever, aches, and even some that have admitted travel (even though we have a sign saying we don\u2019t have the necessary tests for COVID-19). My question is, should I be tested for this virus as I have spoken to these patients very closely and taken their vitals before they admitted to traveler (one patient traveled from Seattle a few days prior to him being at the clinic) fever of 100.1, cough, flu-like symptoms and tested negative for the flu... my facility did NOT take the right precautions or care for us - as we did not even have the proper masks at the time and the manager, when informed about the patient from the nurses that we should send him out, did not care and said that Seattle wasn\u2019t an at risk place and that we could see him (and take his money) ... we\u2019ve had a lot of other cases of patients that made it back to triage that have traveled and have the symptoms. \n\nI have been coughing (moreso productive) and feeling fatigued. I know most patients can be asymptomatic not to mention I had a viral infection (common cold most likely my LY were high) last week so I\u2019m pretty worried now and that man I mentioned wasn\u2019t the only patient that\u2019s come in with a cough and fever and had traveled that i\u2019ve been face to face with in triaging. \n\nShould I get tested or wait for my symptoms to get worse and a rise in temp? (I also have been going to work bc i simply cannot take off). \n\nID REALLY APPRECIATE ANY COMMENTS AND ADVICE ANOUT THIS. As my coworkers and I are lost and our management is very nonchalant about this situation. Very disappointing.", "answer": "Check with your state health department for recommendations on testing in your state: https://www.cdc.gov/publichealthgateway/healthdirectories/healthdepartments.html", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fiuv6y", "comment_id": "fkjjlxr"}, {"question": "I'm just not attracted to this girl, maybe i have unrealistic standards.", "description": "She is clearly attracted to me, but i don't find her physically attractive. I don't want to get in another ugly relationship but something in me says that i should give it a chance. If it blows up it would be awful because i share all my clases with her (college). Have you guys experienced something similar? do you have some advice for me? ", "answer": "there's not a whole lot of magic and mystery left in this world, but physical attraction is one of them.  if you're expecting every girl you date to look like a super model, then yes, your expectations are inappropriate.  otherwise, it's just chemistry.. [i have no idea why my dog sniffs one dogs privates and not another's]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tao73", "comment_id": "ddlewf6"}, {"question": "why is a shameful thing?", "description": "I am struggling with something...why do you think it is a shameful thing to be a NON drinker? I'd like to think I am not ashamed, yet I fear what people might think when I let them know I do not drink. So, that is shame. Shouldn't I be proud to be healthy and taking care of myself? In the world I live in-one full of yoga, eating pretty green, sunshine and happiness-I am still apprehensive about who I tell that I don't drink. I even qualify it with \"for now\" as if that lessens the dirtiness of not drinking. ", "answer": "I initially felt a lot of judgement around my not-drinking-ness. I also totally used to qualify it with \"for now\". I think part of the reason I experienced a lot of shame and judgement is that people I hung out with drank like I did and were used to me participating in the fun. I also did a lot of hiding the pain I experienced as a result of drinking. So when I stopped the people I normally drank with were confused by the abrupt change to our relational dynamics. \n\nWhat is worse is that I carried that initial shaming and judgement forward into my sobriety and created this narrative for myself that the quality of not-drinking-ness was shameful and something that would incur judgement. I can honestly say now that that narrative does not hold up to reality. It doesn't even hold up in the little contact with my old fried group. \n\nYou are experiencing change and subsequently so are your friends. Give them time to learn the new dynamics of the relationship and recognize that the shame comes from an external place of confusion and fear rather than because it is actually indeed shameful. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5vzjw8", "comment_id": "de677cv"}, {"question": "I'm not sure if this is an asperger's problem, but i can't work on more than one thing in my life.", "description": "Most people can do multiple things a day like having a job, having hobbies and doing sports, but i can't. I work 11 hours a week and i try to finish school and i want to make music and do sports, but that doesn't work for me. When i work for 5 hours in the morning i can't do anything else in the afternoon. On the days i study i can't make music or  go running, because i can only focus on one area of my life. I can't even do normal chores on days where i have something else to do and it seems impossible to have a life because of it.\n\nDo you know if this is a problem due to asperger's syndrom and if autism-therapy could help with that?", "answer": "I have a feeling psychotherapy would have a limited effect. I would focus more on A) being kind to yourself, B) pacing youself, and C) getting creative to find ways to do more than one thing. Maybe you need a nap every day. Maybe you can\u2019t do a second task that requires concentration, but you can do something mindless/repetitive that is still useful.  Maybe certain tasks are easier to do with a sharp mind, and others don\u2019t require it so much.  \n\nLike, I could never read a book in the afternoon, but I could noodle around on my guitar for hours.  \n\nOr, I bathe at night, because I don\u2019t need energy or focus to do it. If I did it in the morning, it would take up energy I need for something else.  \n\nI also choose low stress activity when possible.  Like I take a bath instead of a shower because it literally saves energy if I don\u2019t have to stand up.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "i7aijs", "comment_id": "g1223pz"}, {"question": "Is there a difference between being an alcoholic vs an alcoholic of the hopeless variety?", "description": "Full-Blown Alcoholics\nIn the book \"Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book\" alcoholism is referred to several times as \"a hopeless condition of mind and body.\"\n\nThis is not referring to someone who simply has a drinking problem, or on occasion drinks too much, or someone who has developed a mild alcohol use disorder.\n\nIt refers to people who are full-blown alcoholics, described by Dr. William D. Silkworth in the Big Book:\n\n\"All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.\"\n\nI wish there was more distinction on how they are classified. Is a non hopeless alcoholic just a heavy drinker? Is it someone who will become a hopeless alcoholic? If the alcoholic quits drinking before they become hopeless do they \"need\" AA?\n\nSo many questions.", "answer": "Dr. George Vaillant of Harvard University was a recognized expert on alcoholism was invited to join AA\u2019s board of trustees as a nonalcoholic member. He was interviewed in AA\u2019s Grapevine in the May 2000 issue. In in he said that most Alcoholics who recover from alcoholism do so without the help of AA or any other treatment. He said that they accomplish what AA\u2019s do by other means, he said they achieve a profound change in personality.  I\u2019m sober 41 years and I know people who stop drinking on their own and lead useful and happy lives. I couldn\u2019t do it on my own. I think that\u2019s the difference. If you want to join us, you\u2019re free to call yourself a member of AA when you say that you are one of us. Hope is one of our guiding principles. If you feel hopeless, we are offering you hope for a complete recovery and a wonderful way of life.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fxixyh", "comment_id": "fmvogl7"}, {"question": "How do you overcome trust issues?", "description": "What can I do about my trust issues? I came out of a relationship where I (think I did) nought wrong and got cheated on by her with her best friend at the time. Current gf is going out clubbing tonight with a couple and a single guy. The guy (her best guy friend) has been interested in her before but years ago. I see red flags basically where there is no cause for alarm this time around. What do I do? I am deeply in love with this girl and can see myself spending the rest of my life with her so long as I get over my trust issues... \n\nTl;dr: Girlfriend going out with a friend who was interested in her. I see red flags, I probably shouldn't... how do I get rid of them?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nb6ay", "comment_id": "dk86kxn"}, {"question": "I don't wanna be needy/clingy emotional and pitiful", "description": "I am addicted to others' interests and praises, I also very sad and insignificant that's why I am playing the victim usually, all I want to be normal but always seeking people's attention. Why should I be like this? Shall I wait by death to be different? I want to be strong like others, I want to stand on my feet alone and endure to all hardships and deprivations of life. But all I have done is doing what other people like, acting like what if I say they like me much. I am a complete idiot I knew. thx for every kind of advice redditors", "answer": "It will be tough, but it's important to take some time to reflect on yourself. Who are you? What's important to you? How do you define yourself? Are you able to define yourself outside of your relations to others? \n\nHere's some thought exercises: Can you name one event in your life (or activity that you have done) where you didn't care about what others would think of you while you did it? Give yourself some time to think about it. The things you do that don't involve anyone else's opinion, those are things you do for YOU and are unique to your identity. If you truly can't think of any moment, event, decision or interest - now is the time to explore and gain some new experiences and interests. Think about what could be improved in your life - some way that YOU could look on your own life and feel that it is better - not better by someone else's standards, but better for YOU so that YOU feel more happy and satisfied with life.\n\nI don't know you but I'm guessing you are relatively young still, and maybe you just haven't experienced enough yet to really define yourself in great detail. That's fine and normal! Youth is all about finding your identity and figuring out your direction in life. Know that YOU are ultimately in control in all your situations. Even when you do something because of how it makes you look or make a choice based on what others think... know that it is still YOUR choice, and you have the power to make a different choice at any time even if it is scary or unfamiliar.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eaas0r", "comment_id": "faozplb"}, {"question": "Intense emotions", "description": "I'm currently on a journey to find my mental stability. But everyday, this journey seems to get more and more difficult. Today, for instance, I felt such intense emotions, I just went from upset crying, to panic, to full blown rage. Screaming fits, irrational thoughts, and all. Does anyone else feel this way? I can't stop the rage sometimes when it comes on and it can last for hours. I can rant and ruminate on a thought for hours, sometimes even days. I am on an antidepressant and anxiety medication but sometimes I feel like like it doesn't truly help me feel less anxious or depressed. Just wanting to hear if there are others out there feeling this way and if so what do you guys do to make yourselves feel better? ", "answer": "Part of what helped me was acceptance that I'm still gonna cycle no matter what and that it was okay. I wasn't falling apart, rather there was some sort of weird balance there that kept me afloat as long as I have enough self care on the hard days. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ftbcj", "comment_id": "ctrx1lk"}, {"question": "Unrealistic expectations.", "description": "Having an outcome today that is not what I had hoped for.   \nNot getting what I want.    \nWhen I want it.   \nOn the silver platter I secretly crave/think I somehow deserve.   \nServed by naked handmaidens....   \n(Am I an addict or what?)\n\nTruth is this is not a big thing, really quite minor, my glass is still 95% full, and I am aware of my feelings and am not letting this get to me.  One way of doing that is telling on myself.\n\nThey say expectations are resentments waiting to hatch.   Not this time.", "answer": "My expectations are soon to become my frustrations. We had this topic Wednesday night at the homegroup on not getting the outcomes you want or expect. I know you're an AA guy as well so you can definitely find comfort in the fact that your higher power has the right thing in store for your future. Just gotta strap in for the ride of your life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hp9vn", "comment_id": "cawjne0"}, {"question": "How do I get myself out there looking for a job?", "description": "I recently failed my big final year of university due to SA and now I am having to try and look for a job. How does someone with severe SA diagnosed by a doctor go about looking for a job.", "answer": "The same way anyone else does.  Everyone has anxiety and most people experience a fair amount when looking for/applying to/interviewing for jobs.  The worse your anxiety is, the harder it is to push through, but if you want or need a job then it's something you have to do.  \n\nLooking for jobs in a way that's going to increase your chances of being successful are really going to push your limits but be good for you as you'll be forced to expose yourself to a ton of anxiety producing situations.  \n\nBest thing to do is to go around to or call around to as many companies you can that may be hiring in the field you want to work in and ask if they have any job openings, ask questions about the jobs, and find out what the application process is like.  \n\nSocial anxiety no matter how severe, is only as debilitating as you allow it to be.  That doesn't mean you get to choose whether you're terrified or not.  It just means that when you're terrified, you make the choice of whether you push on, run back, or stay stuck.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "9yfnri", "comment_id": "ea1hr06"}, {"question": "Ongoing Double Vision- Anxiety Related? Brain Cancer? Death Imminent? [LONG]", "description": "Age- 22\nSex- M\nHeight- 5'9\" (175cm)\nWeight 200lbs (91kg)\nRace- Multiracial\nDuration of complaint- 1 Year\nLocation (Geographic and on body)- Eastern U.S, Eyes/ Head\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any)- Autism Spectrum Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder\nCurrent medications (if any)- None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)- None\n\nHey Internet,\n\nFirst off, I'll concede fully that I know getting medical help over the internet isn't necessarily a good idea and that I should probably just go to a doctor but I'm afraid of what they'll tell me.\n\nSometime last year, I noticed I was having double vision. I was hungover, typing something, and it didn't go away. I more or less spent the next month constantly panicked, worried I'd developed some kind of neurological disease. I eventually went to the best neuro opthalmologist in my state (Last February), and his words fell along the lines of \"I can't see anything wrong with your eyes.\" What the fuck does he know, right?\n\nAnyways, it never really went away and I'm sweating in my desk at work now certain I have glioblastoma or something and I'll fall dead on the train tracks before I get squished into meat paste. Within the past week or so, the \"ghost image\" I've been seeing feels like its translating to stuff I touch- like two pieces of gum next to each other in my mouth or two thumbs on my phone when I'm scrolling. Like there's two of my body next to each other.\n\nAlso my eyes are really dry, and my right eye twitches often.\n\nI have a lot of stressors/ work tasks I can't really move around so if this is anxiety gone wild idfk how I'll deal with it.\n\nHelp a brother out, I guess?", "answer": "Did you have an MRI done? CT?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "asb02e", "comment_id": "egsy183"}, {"question": "Shame and embarrassment", "description": "I have done so many humiliating things because of my addiction to alcohol. I\u2019m struggling with the shame from these and afraid of the depths I have put myself in. I don\u2019t trust myself...\nI want to do better but these memories are haunting me. I\u2019m so ashamed of what I have become...I have let people down who deserve better, I have embarrassed myself so much. \nI really don\u2019t like what I have become and feel like disappearing. How do I live with myself after all this...\nI don\u2019t know where else to reach out to ask how to cope with these feelings. ", "answer": "It sounds like going go an aa meeting, finding a sponsor, and beginning the 12 steps would really help with all of these issues...seriously,  what you're going through is so common. About every one of us has experienced exactly what you're experiencing right now. You have an addiction... These are the side effects. Start by going and hitting as many different meetings as you can.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "b3luvo", "comment_id": "ej0m1vm"}, {"question": "I have severe social anxiety. I really need a step by step for a doctors visit.", "description": "I (19F) want to visit a doctor for STD testing, I also want to see someone about my irregular periods. Separate visits, I\u2019m sure. (Which should I do first, if it matters?)\n\nI\u2019ll be going alone, more than likely, and I want to know exactly what I should be saying. If I should call or go in to set up an appointment, the vernacular I should use, what will actually go down when I get in there, etc.\n\nI feel pathetic but anxiety really is no joke. I can\u2019t allow it to prevent me from caring for my health so I want to prepare best I can to ease my nerves.", "answer": "The best plan is to write down each issue you want addressed and any questions you may have for the doctor. Keep it on you and read off the sheet, or if you are super overwhelmed hand the questions over to the doc. They\u2019ll take care of the rest.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hdazxo", "comment_id": "fvk4dx3"}, {"question": "Anyone talks about how their life is so gifted but they still want to kill themselves?", "description": "I won't say my life is very gifted but I don't have financial problems. I think I am more intelligent than most other people. I have a satisfactory job and my career prospect seems to be reasonably promising. I have dated and had sex with some good girls although also with bad girls and I don't have any girlfriends now.\n\nBut I don't feel any sense of accomplishments. All my accomplishments are just facts and honestly my accomplishments aren't really distinctive when compared with other better people. I understand it's meaningless to compare but I feel also meaningless to anything I have done and planned to do. The voice inside is always, 'So What?'. I am empty even though my stomach, my body and my life is full.", "answer": "I\u2019m a doctor. Make good money. Live in a nice house. Married. I\u2019m intelligent. I\u2019m funny. I\u2019m quirky. \n\nAnd here I am.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "e9xvcd", "comment_id": "fapbua4"}, {"question": "People hating on therapists", "description": "I\u2019m applying to grad school at the moment to become a therapist. I\u2019ve had nothing but good experiences with my therapist I used to go to. But since getting on Reddit I see a lot of negativity towards therapists.\nI get that there\u2019s bad people in every profession, but I feel like I see a lot of hate for therapists, particularly on this sub. \nIt\u2019s making me really scared to become a therapist if people really seem to hate them. I genuinely want to help people because I know what it feels like and I hope to one day help my patients, but all the negativity I see about therapists has me feeling really sad/pessimistic about it.", "answer": "People turn to the internet to complain about the people in their lives because THEY RAN EVERYONE AWAY WITH THEIR TOXIC PERSONALITY TRAITS AND DON\"T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TALK TO!! It had to be said. lol ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7bssl", "comment_id": "ec2pa3u"}, {"question": "MMPI-2-RF", "description": "Does anyone have the link for the original MMPI-2-RF test? I have seen some posts about it on Reddit but the links are broken since they were posted like 2 years ago. Thanks.", "answer": "MMPI2 is over 300 questions long and does not inherently tell you anything without an interpretation done by a trained professional. It is heavily copywritten and it will be hard to find a hard PDF copy. \n\nYou can't even really order the test without proper credentials. What is it you are looking to know?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "enqs4f", "comment_id": "fe4azrj"}, {"question": "I don't remember my dreams.. Is there anyway to help my memory ?", "description": "I never remember my dreams - when I say never, I really mean it... I very rarely remember I have been dreaming, but I can never recollect the content of the dream. \n\nIs there any trick that could help me better remember what goes on in my mind during my sleep ?", "answer": "Its better that way, it means youre getting good quality of sleep.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5fokr9", "comment_id": "damg0qd"}, {"question": "Any Recommendations Would Be Greatly Appreciated", "description": "Hello!  I was wondering if any fellow strugglers might have discovered good coping mechanisms they would be willing to share?  As soon as the sun sets, my anxiety increases.  Right before bed, I am very anxious and wake up multiple times throughout the night, sometimes with panic attacks.  Usually listening to music helps but it's been going on for several months now and I am so tired.  As soon as the sun rises, I sleep like crazy but then I sleep some of my day away.... Has anyone else struggled with this and found something that helps them get good, uninterrupted sleep???  Thank you so much :)", "answer": "If you aren't heavily exercising 4-5 times a week it's the #1 thing to decrease sleep problems like that. It needs to be serious exercise like a whole, regulation game of basketball or an hour of swimming or 25km on a bike. Going to the gym won't cut it if you don't really work yourself silly. \n\nAlso a worry journal, sleeping with someone and meditative practice can help", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "fdozli", "comment_id": "fjj2mu3"}, {"question": "Did I (17/f) cheat on my boyfriend or was I sexually assaulted?", "description": "My boyfriend (17/m) and I had been dating for a year, and we really loved each other. There was nothing about him I disliked and I really enjoyed being in this relationship with him. \n\nI went to a party with a group of friends, thinking I knew a lot of people and there was parental supervision so I was in a safe space. This resulted in me drinking way more than I could handle (which is completely my fault, I didn't know my limits and I take the blame for going overboard) and can only remember small parts of the night. A guy I went to school with when I was younger was there, so we spoke and started catching up, however he made it clear he was interested in me romantically, so I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested before leaving him to find my friends. I don't really remember anything else from the night. Two of my friends and I left, and we all stayed the night together at one of their homes. The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover I'd ever had, and was sick all morning. One of my friends told me that last night, she'd seen me making out with the guy I mentioned earlier. I was so shocked, especially because I genuinely had no memory of it, and I was absolutely against cheating. I asked her why she hadn't stopped me and she said that she had tried, but I didn't respond to her when she asked what I was doing. Another friend later told me that he had seen me throughout the night, lying on the ground and unable to walk or speak. \n\nI told my boyfriend about a month after it happened, because I was so scared of what his reaction would be. He ended up dumping me, saying that I had cheated on him and that I 'clearly just wanted attention from other guys' and all of this really nasty stuff. I explained to him that I had no memory of it, that I didn't like or want the guy who had kissed me, how much of a bad state I was in, and that I was so so sorry, but he said being drunk was just an excuse girls use when they cheat. I'm so upset, because I don't see this as me cheating on him, I see this as me being taken advantage of in a near-unconscious state. He's now gone and told his friends that I cheated on him, which has spread around my school. Is he correct in saying that I'm to blame? I know it's my fault for getting so drunk in such an unsafe environment, but can he really call what happened 'cheating'? \n\ntl;dr - i got blackout drunk at a party and don't remember kissing someone else. is this cheating or did I get taken advantage of?", "answer": "the idea isn't so much cheating--in the largest sense that refers intercourse--  it's more that you put yourself in a situation with another guy that wasn't going to turn out well, and he has a right feel let down/betrayed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf97b", "comment_id": "dd6qtxx"}, {"question": "Am I getting scammed?", "description": "I'm almost 30 and have been alone most of my life. Recently got signed up with match.con and sent a couple messages. One day this woman from Philly \"likes\" one of my pictures, but match.com charges to read and send messages. I go to her profile and it says she doesn't have any premium subscription, and to just send a letter to her gmail. Against my better judgment, I did. Turns out she is not in Philly, she is Lesosibirsk, Russia. Seemed like a scam at first, but we've just been emailing back and forth a few weeks. She's sent numerous photos of herself, her mother, her father who was killed in Afghanistan in 87, and has stories of college, work , and growing up in a mid sized Siberian town. I told her I was worried it was a scam and she didn't seem defensive about it, she just said she had no intention of asking for money. The letters seem to be computer translated, there are a number of words that don't translate perfectly, but the meaning and context come through well enough. She talks about finding lI've and what not, and says she thinks I'm friendly and have things in common. Also, she's absolutely one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. So, am in the process of getting scammed?", "answer": "There are a handful of options here:\n\n1. Total scam in that this person doesn't exist and eventually you'll be asked for money or something else\n\n2. She exists but the pics or story are fake, catfishing for some other reason (she's not as attractive, her real life story isn't as great, etc).\n\n3. That's her, but she's mostly interested in getting a green card moreso than you as a person\n\n4. She's a nice Russian girl who'd like to find a nice U.S. guy for legit reasons\n\nThat's what I could think of, maybe there are others. If you're interested in her, I think all you can do is continue to get to know her to figure out what's going on. Trust but verify?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "440url", "comment_id": "czmh8z8"}, {"question": "How can I find out if I have cyclothymia?", "description": "I'm a 16 year old male teenager who suffered from atypical autism in early childhood. With the help from my family, psychologist and high IQ(I'm not bragging here), I guess I don't have it anymore. I am sometimes socially awkward though.\n\nI sometimes feel really happy, confident and energetic, but this doesn't last forever. On the next day, I may feel hopeless, guilty, sad and unmotivated but I also feel spoiled because I don't really have a reason to be sad, which makes me feel even more guilty. I made some research and found out my symptoms match with cyclothymia. I don't know if I really have a condition or I'm just trying to turn myself into a special snowflake. Should I talk to my psychologist about my concerns or am I just being edgy?\n\nOther things:\n\n178 cm height\n\n81 kg weight\n\nI smoke 5-10 cigarettes a day and sometimes drink (though usually not binge).\n\nI also spend money a lot, I really don't know how or why.", "answer": "Nothing wrong to ask your psychologist, who knows you much better than we will. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75yco9", "comment_id": "do9w6s2"}, {"question": "Hepatitis results - what does it mean?", "description": "Female\n\n5'7\n\n220 pounds\n\nCaucasian Canadian  \n\n\n​\n\nI recently went in to get STI/STD testing. The following results came back and I'm waiting for the clinic to open to go talk to someone perhaps but hoping for a little insight to avoid worrying.  \n\n\n**Hepatitis B Immunity -** Hepatitis B Surface Ab \\[HBsAb\\]   \n**Results: 6.4**  \n\n\n**Hepatitis B -** Hepatitis B Surface Ag \\[HBsAg\\]   \n**Results: NOT DETECTED**  \n\n\n**Hepatitis C -** Hepatitis C Ab  \n**Results: NOT DETECTED**  \n\n\nDoes this means I don't have it, but am immune to it? I've been trying to look up what the 6.4 means but haven't been having much luck in fully understanding.   \n\n\nThanks! :)  \n", "answer": "HbSAb indicates immunity, usually from immunization. A level of 6.4 is not a strong indicator of immunity, though. It might be worth rechecking and possibly re-vaccinating.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9pj1jo", "comment_id": "e821y99"}, {"question": "My crush just confessed his love to me...", "description": "...and I feel terrible about luring him into my mental problems and I feel terrible about not feeling happy for myself right now and rather wishing he didn't do it and that he would hate me instead.\n\nI'll probably end up rejecting him to make things easier on him and myself in the long run and then will regret it to a degree, but not enough to make a different choice right now. I just find myself incapable of accepting or pursuing happiness, because I know I'll be the reason for it to be ruined and being even worse afterwards for everyone involved. I can hardly identify happiness anymore. What does it feel like again?\n\nWe talked quite a few times about my depression and autism in the past and when he confessed he said it would be okay and he'd do everything to help me and be here for me, but I know it wont work and that I don't deserve him wasting his time on me and he even deserves less so to get false hope from me...\n\nMy heart made a single jump when he confessed, butterflies emerged in my stomach for a brief moment, but it was quickly replaced with all these realizations and thoughts inside my head leading to telling him \"thank you\" and that I'd have to think about it, but I think I already made up my mind in that very moment.\n\nWhy the fuck can't I just be happy that someone I am into is into me as well and go for it? That's a rhetorical question.\n\nFuck depression, fuck being an autist who can't turn her brain off and just *act*... just - fuck it!\n\nI just had to write this down, tell \"someone\", thanks to whoever read this.\n\nEdit: Just to clarify, since it came across the wrong way. He knows I am depressed and autistic, but he doesn't know anything in-depth. Barely that these words exist in my life.", "answer": "Don\u2019t let this opportunity go!  He\u2019s there for you and understands you.  He sounds perfect.  Depression is not so hard when you have someone to support you. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "92ictg", "comment_id": "e35xsau"}, {"question": "How do I even begin to describe how I feel to a counsellor for the first time? 20 female Australia.", "description": "I have never been to a counsellor before, although I have been struggling with mental health since I was 8.\n\nWhen I was 8 I developed many compulsive routines, tapping routines, turning light switches on and off a certain amount of times, not getting right arm wet in shower etc because I believed that my family would die if I did not do them. This went on for about a year until the routines became so long and obvious that I could no longer hide them. At the time I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I knew that what I was doing was very weird. It was a huge struggle but I basically managed to tell myself I was being irrational and go cold turkey on my main tapping routine that I did in public, and over the next few years I slowly got rid of other small routines and weird behaviors which had become so automatic I didn't realise I was doing them.\n\nWhen I was about 9 after I got rid of my main tapping routine, I decided I was fat, in about 6 months I lost 9 kilograms. People started noticing and commenting that I was skinny and so I decided I had to stop as I couldn't hide it any longer.\n\nI have been extremely shy as long as I can remember, I can't even begin to explain the endless social situations that make me feel anxious on a daily basis. I have always been known as the most quiet, awkward and shy person in any group, I completely freeze and withdraw from most conversations in groups, speaking to new people is nerve wracking, I feel uncomfortable in public like I am always being judged etc. \n\nBecause of this I had a very difficult time making friends, in particular during years 7 and 8 in school. Through year 7 I had 1 very close friend in my year level who I would feel terrified if I had to go to a class without her, or if she was absent for a few days. At the end of year 7 we had a falling out which left me with no one I felt comfortable around at school, as well as being bullied. This made me terrified of going to school to the point that I somehow found my way out of going 2-3 days per week for the entire year, I would also fake being sick for weeks at a time as well as actually getting sick way more often and for longer than I usually would. I felt extremely depressed, this was my first time ever experiencing such a strong negative emotion for such a long period of time (the whole year) and so I didn't realise that this feeling was not going to last forever, I thought that if this is how I am going to feel the rest of my life then what is the point in living, I wasn't going to kill myself in the near future, but I really wanted to be killed by something else.\n\nI moved schools in year 9, somehow made a solid friendship group and was never bullied once more. However ever since that time I have had unexplained periods of feeling that depressed feeling again, either for weeks or a couple of months. During these periods I lose motivation, lose my appetite, want to sleep all the time, although have a lot of trouble falling or staying asleep, cry at least once or sometimes all through the day if there is no one around, want to go out to distract myself, but can't stay out too long because I can't hold my emotions together long in public. It gets in the way of productivity, I take hours to get small tasks done because I can't stop crying. Luckily these periods only occur a few times a year, and a lot of the time I do not feel like this at all, although I dread the next time it will happen again.\n\nCurrently I am in a good mood, although it is getting concerning to me that it is time to get some help, mainly for my extreme shyness since my future career requires good communication skills which are currently impaired.\n\nI have not gotten help before because before I was about 12 I had no idea that what I was experiencing were potentially mental health issues, and by the time I learned about mental health I thought I had mainly fixed myself (stopping compulsions and losing weight). My anxiety in social situations has been a part of my personality my whole life and so I think it has just become normal to me, although I doubt it should be, I improve very slowly every year and so have not gotten help hoping that it will disappear over the years, but I am sick of being embarrassed by it being so obvious to everyone around me, and to it impairing my function in everyday social situations. I have never gotten help other than talking to a school counsellor about irrelevant issues hoping he would magically guess and help because I hate the idea of anyone being worried about me, I feel guilty about having such bad feelings, as well making drama.\n\nI sound like a complete emotional disaster after saying all of this haha, and I have never told anyone any of this. I am physically able to function most of the time, it is just not always easy and people probably think I am a bit weird.\n\nI have no idea how to explain all of this to the counsellor, I think that it is important that I do though, I am feeling worried about my first appointment.\n\nTips, advice and reassurance would be very appreciated .", "answer": "Say just that. Show the counselor this post if you\u2019re having trouble with words. Helping you to identify and verbalize emotions is part of what a counselor does! ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zwmok", "comment_id": "durano4"}, {"question": "Forgot already took pill and took pill 3 times the amount prescribed. 325 acetaminophen 5mg oxycodone hydrochloride", "description": "Hi. I forgot I already took the pill and took it again, then again. Its the v4839 pill (325 mg acetaminophen and 5mg oxycodone hydrochloride).\n\nIts been about 1 hour since my third pill. The first one was about 5 hours ago. Second one about 30 minutes before 3rd pill.\n\nI feel fine. Is this something I need to be concerned about or should I wait it off?", "answer": "It's about the maximum dose of acetaminophen you should take at a time and a significant but not unreasonable dose of oxycodone. After five hours it's much more like stacking two doses, and you 'll be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97niaf", "comment_id": "e49jfpp"}, {"question": "[19/f] possibly cheated on", "description": "*Just a warning, this is going to be lengthy*\n\nSo i have been in a relationship officially for 6 months. The guy that i am in a relationship with, was my first  . I currently am in college, and as you may or may not know, just like public school, colleges have vacations. I am technically an international student, so when i go on vacation i go to a different location. The guy i am with, is born and raised in the city in which i go to school. \n\nSo, I went away for Thanksgiving vacation and his sister picked me up from the airport. We were talking about him and stuff, and she said something like, \"You know , we never thought that he would ever get over [insert ex girlfriend #1's name here]\" Ex-girlfriend #1 is also his first girlfriend, so pretty much his first everything. So, that name is very familiar because up until recently, he ALWAYS talked about her and it didn't click to me until his own sister said something about it. So, when his sister dropped me off, i thought about it for a longggg time. Then, I figured out the name of his ex before me(Ex girlfriend #2), and i messaged her. I simply asked her if he mentioned her a lot during their relationship. She said yes so strongly. So me and her conversed for bit, and i told her that i didn't believe that he was over ex-gf #1. I get the whole \"first love\" thing, i guess, but theres a difference between having a first love and missing your first love. He misses her and its obvious. He always compared us, #1 this, #1 that. Because I'm not really a jealous , i didn't really care, until his sister brought it up, which is why i messaged ex-gf #2. NOW, Him and ex-gf #2 are in the same Army unit, Im not insecure about Ex-gf #2 being around him because she's engaged HOWEVER, she can't keep her mouth shut. So immediately she messages him after our conversation. So the next day, he asks me if there was something bothering me. So, I said, obviously you and Ex-gf#2 spoke, so ill just tell you that you talking about ex-gf #1 pisses me off a little. He told me that he has no feelings for her and he was sorry about talking about her so much. So i forgave him and whatever. So i asked him when was the last time he had spoke to ex-gf #1 . He told me that she was ALWAYS hitting him up and things. So, the crazy in me came out just bit. So i messaged ex-gf #1, and was like hey, don't text or message him, you guys have no reason to talk. It took her HOURS to respond, but when she did, you are never going to guess the response i got. She was like \"thats fine, i won't message him, but will you tell him not to message me\". So i was confused and i asked her, when the last time he messaged her was. He had messaged her the Saturday before i got home from vacation, mind you, i got home on Sunday. When she responded to me, she responded with text screenshots from him, asking her if she could hang out with him and telling her how good she looks, etc etc, all things inappropriate for a guy who has a girlfriend to be saying. This girl was completely honest with me and told me that she has a boyfriend, didnt hang out with him and actually told me she blocked him on all social media.\n\nHeres my dilemma, i don't know what to do, most people tell me that i should leave him, because history repeats, but my mother told me that i should take under consideration that he didnt ACTUALLY cheat, or at least i don't know and i will never know, so what do i do? \n", "answer": "ask the right questions until you feel you can trust", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj7uu", "comment_id": "dbw4bj3"}, {"question": "Coworker Won\u2019t Stop Eating", "description": "Every. Single. Day. \n\nCrunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch \n\nFinish one bag of chips, open another. Crunch crunch crunch crunch \n\nSmack smack smack slurp smack smack\n\nI\u2019m about to fucking lose it", "answer": "I once had a coworker who would bring a whole bag of baby carrots to meetings and eat them ALL- crunching and munching for at least an hour straight. This happened many times. I've never met anyone with less self-awareness. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ao9k83", "comment_id": "efzegur"}, {"question": "should I give her an ultimatum ?", "description": "Hey first time I come to here for advices..\n\nThere's a girl (solid 9/10) who I've matched on tinder 6 months ago (I'm a solid 6/10 not handsome I skip you the details).\n\nWe chat she seems cool but the discussion ends. Long story short she sends me a message 2 weeks after with her number and she wants to talk. I get in contact we talk but she doesn't reply effectively (24 hours for response) so obviously the discussion ends. A few weeks after she sends me a WhatsApp message we talk but I'm very busy (med school probs ...) and the discussion dies again. However we keep on snapchatting.\n\nNow a few days ago she found my facebook and added me. Obviously she wants us to have something so I'm like talking to her but again she goes online and doesn't answer my messages ! I don't know what to do to progress here. \n\nSo I'm thinking about getting forward with her and ask her what she wants from this and why is she so un participative for talks. Kinda like an ultimatum. \n\nHowever I feel like it could also jeopardize our whole thing.\n\nI am desperately in need of good advices. ", "answer": "ultimatum gets a bad rap.  ultimatum just means  \"i need/want this, and if you don't, then it's not going to work\".  it's always best to ask and be direct.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u2idw", "comment_id": "ddqvx9f"}, {"question": "Does the rate of alcohol consumption matter for health outcomes, or is it just the quantity?", "description": "There have been conflicting studies as to whether or not a drink or two a day is good/bad/neither, but I've seen quite a few studies indicating that more than X drinks in a day is bad.\n\nDoes it make any difference if you have X drinks all together or spread out over the day?  (I'm thinking of situations where you might sip your drinks over the course of an afternoon/evening, so you might consume quite a few drinks while not getting more than somewhat buzzed.)", "answer": "Mainly cumulative exposure (over your lifetime) is the biggest problem, though obviously drinking serious amounts in a short space of time is a toxic risk.\n\nTheres no great evidence for drinking over, say, a week. Ultimately its common sense drinking thats safest.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6jvqre", "comment_id": "djhcqvr"}, {"question": "What am I doing?", "description": "I drink because I don\u2019t know how to regulate myself emotionally. I used to tell myself that I drink because it\u2019s fun and I like to have a few to relax. True alcoholics drink to numb themselves, but that\u2019s not me. It can\u2019t be me. \n\nTruth is, these last couple years have been very hard. A death in the family, family drama, souring relationship with my parents. Everybody has shit, right? I barely even remember last year because of how much I was drinking on a regular basis. I got things somewhat under control this year, in the sense that I\u2019m not drinking daily like I was. Only on weekends now. I know that won\u2019t last. It\u2019s already getting worse again.\n\nWhat kind of life is that? Most aspects of my life are actually great.. I have an awesome job. My career is advancing quickly. I\u2019m going to school for a masters. I just bought a house with my adoring fianc\u00e9. I\u2019m getting married in 6 months to my best friend. So, why do I drink? If I keep numbing myself, I can\u2019t even enjoy the good things in my life. I\u2019m just existing. And I\u2019m tired of it. I want to enjoy life, and learn how to roll with the punches. Life is too short to live in a numbed state.\n\nToday is day one, again. I need support. No one outside of my fianc\u00e9 knows I drink. Thanks for reading this. IWNDWYT.", "answer": "Hi. You might have a look at Dialectical Behaviour therapy, DBT. While it was originally designed for people who have Borderline Personality and/or self harm it can be useful for a range of difficulties. There is a large emphasis on emotional regulation in this therapy and thats why i mention it here. There are some v good websites and books on this, as well as the option of finding a Dbt therapist. Best wishes. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8x2hyc", "comment_id": "e210nhe"}, {"question": "Is it possible for a kid to eat too much salt? Have you ever heard of a kid go to an ER Or ICU for excessive salt consumption?", "description": "My 7 year old LOVES salt. Today he made a cheese sandwich and put so much salt (and mustard) on it, I could barely eat it. I know about salt and high blood pressure, etc and I am not worried about that. I know the kidneys are excellent at getting rid of excess salt. What I am worried about is some kind of electrolyte imbalance if he accidentally over consumes a large amount of salt in a short period of time. \n\nSo, should I back of off him and let him eat the way he wants? Or is this something to worry about?", "answer": "Excessive salt intake IS dangerous, and in extreme cases lead to hospitalisation.\n\n[How much salt is good for me?](http://www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/1138.aspx?CategoryID=51)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xt3f7", "comment_id": "d6i7ix4"}, {"question": "Just a query", "description": "I really don't know how to start these posts...\n\nAnyway, I have depression, anxiety and perfectionism, that I already know. But that's not why I'm here, but I guess I've noticed that I've always had these irrational fears of being murdered. \n\nI'll elaborate: it happens more when I'm home alone, though it does happen at night even if I'm not home alone. When I'm alone it can happen in the day time, and it really sets me on edge. I've cried at times, and i cant remember how many times ive had to hold a heavy object to walk through a door. Every noise I here is someone walking about in my house, or such and such. I close every door behind me, because if there was someone in my house then I'd hear them if they had to open doors. But then when I have to open them again to go out, god I get so scared, what if someone's behind it waiting? So it takes me a while to build courage to go. \n\nAnd I've always hated it when people purposefully make me jump, I'd usually end up crying, heavy breathing and my heart would be so fast. But I guess that's an average reaction if you don't like scares.\n\nThere's a lot of other stuff too, like when the phone rings and such, I've written enough\n\nI was just wondering if it was something I should mention to my psychiatrist tomorrow even though i go there for my depression? ", "answer": "Yes. If something is problematic for you, it is definitely something to bring up", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "18tm5a", "comment_id": "c8if1aw"}, {"question": "I have so much repressed anger - Trying to express it in a healthy way.", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nWithout going in to too much detail, I had a very passive manner of communicating all my life. Due to turmoil at home, I had to keep my feelings to myself and be a people-pleaser outside home. As I have grown over the years, I have repressed a lot of anger against family, some friends who have upset me, and especially my significant other. I feel my significant other has gotten the brunt of everything, because I cannot handle the slightest rejections or arguments from him. I know it is not okay to expect nothing of others but everything from my spouse. As I process my anger in therapy and think more about everything from the past, I feel like I am not able to control. I keep thinking of things people and done, and for once in my life, I am communicating to old friends, my parents and even other people how their actions make me feel. They feel like I have lost it all of a sudden, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep things to myself. For example: I used to be so passive that I would rather take the wrong turn in traffic to avoid having someone honk at me. Now, I do not take a wrong turn, and I wait it out,  let them honk, but try and wait till the next car would let me pass, and avoid trying 3-4 extra miles. \n\nSo sorry for the rant. Just wondering if anyone has gone through a phase like this and does it ever end? ", "answer": "To start by answering your end question, yes.  This phase will end.  \n\nAs part of normal development, most people go through some form of a \"rebellious phase\".  Usually this happens in the teens.  It really looks different for everyone but at the core for most is an attempt to assert your personal freedom and rights as an individual.  So long as the person doesn't do anything too dangerous that causes long-term effects, most people come out of it feeling more confident, more secure, and better able to set healthy boundaries with those around them.  \n\nThere are many reasons that some folks don't go through this phase while at home during their teenage years whether it be a history of abuse, high anxiety, personality, etc. \n\nIt can be a little more difficult to go through as an adult because you already have some bad habits a little more ingrained since you've been practicing them longer.  I'm glad to hear you're in therapy because it can be extremely helpful with changing your normal patterns.  \n\nRight now, it sounds like you're rebelling, and as a reactionary measure, going so far to the other end of the spectrum of how you used to act and express anger.  Over time (and with some help from your therapist) you'll be able to find that comfortable middle ground of feeling comfortable expressing your anger/wants/needs without the need to be a people pleaser, but doing so in a healthy and mature way that is not misdirected at those who don't deserve it.  \n\nBest of luck!  Keep putting the good work in in therapy.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8b8057", "comment_id": "dx4qchs"}, {"question": "Prozac for PMDD (premenstrual dyspeptic disorder)", "description": "Age:26 \nSex: F\nH: 5\u20194\nW: 140\nMedications: Flexeril 10mg and Ibuprofen 800mg ad needed. Now possibly Prozac 10mg\nHistory of issue: I\u2019ve had serious depression at different levels of intensity since I was 10 years old. My mom\u2019s side has a history of severe depression and other personality disorders. When I was younger and under the care of my family I would take whatever medication they forced on me. I don\u2019t remember it helping much. As soon as I emancipated at 16 I stopped taking the medication I started self medicating with drugs and alcohol intermittently (mostly just pot, but I\u2019ve dabbled in hallucinogens for relief). Fast forward to now. I\u2019ve always realized that my depression cycle correlates with my menstrual cycle. My OBGYN has given me 10mg Prozac to take just for a few days before I have my period. \n\nHas anybody heard of whether this is effective or not? My research hasn\u2019t pulled up much, but I have read a lot about Prozac and it seems that it takes awhile for people to start feeling relief so wouldthis actually be a good option for me?\n\nAlso, I take Flexeril and the drug interaction causes serotonin syndrome, which I\u2019m scared of. I don\u2019t take the Flexeril everyday but it allows me to sleep through some neck pain. \n\nEdit: Today is the first day I would take it but I\u2019m hesitating. ", "answer": "It\u2019s not clear why it works that way for PMDD but not MDD, but brief SSRI courses timed with menstrual cycles seems to work for PMDD and that\u2019s the standard treatment.\n\nThe risk of serotonin syndrome from Flexeril and a very low dose of Prozac is negligible.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "90x6vx", "comment_id": "e2ucf4q"}, {"question": "I dont know what to do, please help", "description": "I met this girl online about a year ago and we have been chatting ever since. We were never really a couple but we really liked each other and acted like a couple( sweet and also sexual stuff). So some months ago i found out she was doing kind of the same thing but with other guy. I was really upset and tried not talking to her but i didnt last long that way so she apologized, said she loved me and everything went back to normal. So a week ago she went to visit this other guy that also lived away from her. I didnt like it cause i was worried that she would start liking him better because of this. Anyway she went and she started talking to me less and in other languaje (she clearly didnt want the other guy to know about me). Then today, all of a sudden she texted me saying that she only loves and needs him , and told me not to talk to him anymore. Later i found out that he stormed out from here and didnt come back( probably he found out sth about me). She already erased my contact and she wont answer my messages, and i really miss her and wanna talk to her. I dont know what to do now. I know i should try todo ley her go, but i really cant . I keep thinking about her and i seriously cant get her out of my mind. What i want most Is to get things the way they were before she met the other guy, but i dont know how now. I was always the Nice guy, never did any harm to her and only told her kind things. Why is she doing this to me? Where did i go wrong? And how can i get her back ? Or at least some way to move on. I really hope you could understand me even if my English is not so good. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "you didn't do anything. she's immature and doesn't know what she wants. try to move on. the roller coaster isn't worth it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4hc3", "comment_id": "dc0rd10"}, {"question": "What are the odds for a false positive diagnosis?", "description": "I just wondered if I may have to a certain degree already jeopardized a potential assessment due to confirmation bias, as I've rather thoroughly informed myself about aspergers.\n\nAlso, would choosing a therapist who's specialized in autism have a similar effect; would someone who's an expert in personality disorders rather assume that I may be schizoid, for instance? Simply because they're looking for something specific?\n\nI'm not too worried about any diagnosis, nothing wrong with having a problem, I just want clarity, rather than an educated guess.", "answer": "It does happen, but I would definitely prefer seeing a specialist over a non-specialist.  Asperger's experts generally agree: a specialist is better.  The best thing you could do might be to explore your concerns with your psychiatrist.  I did that, and she actually let me redo parts of my assessment at no charge.\n\nFriendly Reminder:\nIn 21 days, a new Diagnositic and Statistical Manual will be released and Asperger's disorder will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis in many areas of the world.  Instead, there will be Autism spectrum disorder with different levels of severity.\n\nIt is up to you of course, but you may want to wait to pursue a formal diagnosis until the book is released and you can find a mental health professional that will diagnose you with it.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1djnwc", "comment_id": "c9qz4ub"}, {"question": "Intrusive Thoughts Of My Mother Dying", "description": "My Mom has a bad cold and we are all in bed for the night, she\u2019s asleep with my Dad and I can\u2019t stop worrying that she\u2019s going to die.\n\nSpecifically I can\u2019t stop imagining the sound my Dad would make if he woke up beside her body. I\u2019m just curled up in my bed sobbing and I can\u2019t get it out of my head. Please help. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? I was totally fine 20 minutes ago and now I am a total wreck. ", "answer": "I'm sorry you're experiencing those types of thoughts, I imagine they are super distressing.  Have you ever had intrusive thoughts like this about anything else or have you ever felt overwhelmed with worry like you do now?  Do you feel like you should be doing something to help her...if so, what?  \n\nI realize this is probably hard to do, but try and lay on your back if you're in bed (with your hands by your side) and close your eyes.  Listen to yourself breathing, and count up every time you exhale by 1.  If you lose count, start over.  If deep breaths work for you, try those.  While you're doing this, allow yourself to feel your body on your bed, the blankets on you, your clothes, etc.  Sometimes, when you're really tense, you might be tensing up your body.  If you notice yourself doing that, try to let go.\n\nDon't worry about responding to the questions unless the breathing doesn't really work for ya.  I hope you feel better! ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a9ttli", "comment_id": "ecmj6vd"}, {"question": "Is she [28/f] playing two guys at the same time? How should I [33/m] handle it?", "description": "I met this girl a while ago. She says she's not ready to date yet because she's coming out of a long relationship. We hang out a lot and have a lot of fun. Nothing physical. She says if she were ready to date she would defnitely date me.\n\nI found out she's been hanging out with another guy a lot (that she met before me). When I asked her about him, she said that there could be something between them (potentially) but that it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to date anybody right now.\n\nTo me it does matter because it looks like she's playing two guys at the same time while she's waiting to be ready to seriously date. I think it's not fair to me or to him. \n\nAm I wrong here? Just because she's not commited, she can just start building emotional bonds with as many guys as she wants? How should I handle it?\n\nI actually like her a lot. I can see long term things happening with her.", "answer": "if you're honest about your intentions-- as in don't want a rel.--  you are free to do anything. the other person either lives with it or not.  [one person hits ball--ball in other's court]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5su76k", "comment_id": "ddhttih"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "I've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and I finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago.  I thought I'd be there longer but it was almost a week so I guess that's long enough.  It wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either.  I feel like I got a lot of help and I'm surprised that I feel better coming out of it than going in.\n\nThings I disliked:\n\nThe strip search.  I tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\".  Had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches.  It was uncomfortable for everyone I can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time.  \n\nThe closed and sterile setting creeped me out.  Everything was so clean and so safe, its not what Im used to.  I know it's a hospital but it's still weird.\n\nBed times, as an adult I actually had a bed time.  Most of the time I didn't sleep and I didn't sleep much at all during the six days I was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol.  I tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly I cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than Ive read in years.  When you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.\n\nNo cursing.  I was told this in the common area that I curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor.  When I first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room.  And we were all adults.\n\nThe showers were communal.  Had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.\n\nI had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (I voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if I got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges.  I felt like I was in prison when they told me that.\n\nThey made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good.  They thought I might be developing an eating disorder.  Having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat.  Ate a lot of seafood.\n\n\nThings I liked:\n\nI liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time.  I thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me.  I basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that I'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.\n\nThe orderly were actually very nice.  I asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do I do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you.  Surprisingly I had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because I wouldn't get off of it.  That was also an annoying aspect, I'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes.  Was very annoying not having my own phone.\n\nThe visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour.  Helped me through the isolation.  I assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail.  \n\nI drew a lot.  A lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, I thought it'd just be fruity nonsense I wouldn't be able to use.  But I drew a lot to express myself.  I guess kind of childish but I liked doing it.\n\nThe patients were nice, I was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.\n\nI feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me.  Only time will tell, but I think this was the right choice to make.\n\nThey told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if I need to, Im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.\n\nOverall, I'm glad I did it, but it still felt like I was in a cushier jail.  But I think it saved my life, for now anyway.\n\nThey set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them.  So hey, I'm not dead, not yet anyway!  All I could ask for.", "answer": "Awesome! Glad you shared your experience. I hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "fehwcun"}, {"question": "[M24] Creating a job at my business, just to ask out girls I interview?", "description": "Is this a stupid idea, I have had no GF and have had an idea.  \n\n\nI create a job post, it is a real job, working with me at my small business (I do it for fun and extra money, only one day every weekend). I put in an optional section asking about interests/personal (e.g. favorite movie, best ice cream flavor, relationship status). I only interview single girls 20 to 25, and ask them out at the end of the interview, if they say no they don't get the job (don't tell them this), if they say yes then see how the date goes, the one who the dates go best with get the job.  \n\n\nAm I being a horrible person here? It sounds stupid but it might work. ", "answer": "The woman who accepts this role is doing it because she is fine with what's going on- you are paying her to date you.  You are wasting women's time and shutting them out of the working world unless they sleep with you.  So the female equivalent will be the woman who is sexing you in order to get as much money as she can.  I know you haven't considered this, but your plan is extremely transparent and something every woman has at least heard of, if not experienced directly.   So the only reason she WOULDNT get angry and walk away is if she is smarter than you and plans to take you for everything.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ba2rny", "comment_id": "ek9q8n4"}, {"question": "My GF [25/F] and I[30/M]. We have a great relationship if a bit superficial... I'm afraid we want different things in life, but also I'm afraid I'm pushing something good away.", "description": "We met in grad school and have been dating 2 years now. We're from completely different backgrounds... She is from a very religious family and rural community, and is very religious herself whereas I am from a more secular, urban background. She wants to live in the area where she grew up (rural), and I need more of a city vibe. Marriage and kids are high on her life goals (I feel as though she treats this like a life \"finish-line\" or metric of adulthood) and I don't feel strongly about either. We've talked about all this together in some pretty blunt, difficult conversations because I wanted to know we were on the same page. \n\nOn the other hand, being with her is so easy. She is one of those people that is happy and bright by default (whereas I tends toward melancholy if I'm not vigilant), and our relationship has been so uncomplicated. She is beautiful and we've made some really great memories. \n\nBut here's an illustration of a difference between us: We are sexually active, and neither of us were each other's firsts; but because of her religious views, she feels guilty. She says she doesn't feel guilty about *us* but she does feel guilty about her previous partners because she feels \"that it's disrespectful to her future husband.\" To clarify, she's not saying disrespectful to me, but whomever that may be. And also to clarify, she says that she doesn't feel badly about us because we have had a \"significant relationship\" and even if it ends, it wasn't a bad thing. Now I've taken issue with this idea of there being someone you're *meant* to be with and with the idea that sex makes someone inherently less valuable (which is my interpretation of the disrespect thing); but in the end we both let it go and agree to disagree. \n\nBut I fear that there is a lot of this silent agreeing to disagree thing going on under the surface and that this stuff would matter if things got more serious (and especially if she  got preggo!). \n\nWe've not said \"I love you\" to each other on purpose. I've said it before to someone and that didn't turn out well (the relationship, not the words). But I feel the same toward her  and I did then, and I am positive that if I said it, it would bring down walls for her and she would too. \n\nSo reddit, what do I do? Am I kidding myself? Am I throwing away something good with someone I have real potential to be happy with? Is anyone even reading this?\n\n**TL;DR** Boy meets pretty girl. Boy is happy. Girl is happy. Does anything else really matter?", "answer": "wanting different things in life is huge", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72jy8w", "comment_id": "dnj2edb"}, {"question": "I[20/M] am dating a girl[20/M] with quite a sexual history and I'm kind of uncomfortable about it.", "description": "Hey guys, I'm just looking for some help. Almost like a Change My View post. \n\nSo I have been dating this girl for about 4 months now and been 'seeing' her for about 5 months. I lost my virginity to her but I know that she has had a history. She is an incredible girl and I really like her and she seems to really like me but just awhile ago I figured out about how many people she has been with. 22 is the number. I was 21. \n\nThe problem is that I don't know how comfortable I am with how many people she has seen. Also that a lot of the people she has had sex with, she still keeps as friends and talks to regularly. She is loyal and I know she would never cheat on me but I don't know how I feel about how she has had sex with one of her best guy friends and still snaps and texts him daily. \n\nI absolutely love this girl and she loves me. I want to be with this girl for awhile. We have talked about it and have a good reputation of communication about anything we feel uncomfortable with. She doesn't like her past and tells me most of them have been one night stands she barely remembers(alcohol). I try to be very accepting of it and help her with her toxic feelings but I don't know if I actually mean some of the stuff I say.\n\nSo since I have no one else I can really talk to this about, I need your help with accepting this \n fact about my girlfriend. Shoot me with any questions you might have. \n\ntl;dr: My girlfriend has had quite a sexual history and I need help accepting it as I feel quite uncomfortable about it.", "answer": "people talk too much about their history. if someone's not a virgin, does it really matter how many? the only thing that matters is what kind of relationship you agree upon.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e8y3l", "comment_id": "di8jx3d"}, {"question": "He wants it all the time-pregnant what???", "description": "Hi all in need of some advise  and too strange too talk to friends.I am just over 7 months pregnant with twins (and feel like a whale). DH and i have sex about 3-4 times a week as we are still newish weds 2 years nearly.\n\nWe planned the pregnancy and is is really supportive of the babues and me and will be a good dad but this issue over sex is overshadowing the good points. Especially since i am getting too large now and i am stuggling to move around alot (big babies same size as single pregnancy babies).He complains that we do not have sex everyday anymore  (we did pre pregnancy) and thinks i have changed at its all about the babies now.\n\nI still think we have a good time when we do have sex but other times i just can't.I get he has got a high sex drive and do try to please him in otherways but if i can't i get that he might have to take him self 'in hand' so to speak byt he refuses to masterbate him self and has stated it is my roles to fill his need.\n\nAm i crazy thinking he is out of line...?", "answer": "he is immature", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wsbds", "comment_id": "decl46p"}, {"question": "Does alcohol consumption over time lead to any sort of cognitive impairment", "description": "So I drink a lot. Been drinking nearly every day since I was 17. I\u2019m 25 now. The thing is, I\u2019m motivated by such a strong fear of failure that I\u2019ll probably never reach a bottom point where I\u2019m forced to confront my drinking. I\u2019m fairly successful for someone my age and have healthy habits apart from my drinking.\n\nThe only thing that concerns me is a fear that it\u2019ll result in some psychological damage over time. I wonder if anyone could inform on this. Is it gonna make me some sorta buffoon down the road? Any answers would be appreciated. Thanks\n\nFor context, I probably drink the equivalent of four bottles of beer a day. Usually I get started after I get off work.", "answer": "Definitely yes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bknet4", "comment_id": "emjcsv6"}, {"question": "Getting married in 2 months... extremely uncomfortable", "description": "I'll try to keep this short. I (M/29) proposed to to my girlfriend (F/28) after 8 months of dating. She has a child from a previous marriage. It's been extremely rocky since early-summer and we're due to be married in November. She has gotten physically abusive with me three times over arguments; I would never even think of doing the same to her. In order for her to listen to my opinion on anything I have to basically pack a bag, grab my stuff and threaten to leave. Every time I do though she gets aggressive and throws the fact that her child will be heartbroken in my face. We're living together.\n\nThe relationship is very one-sided. She does whatever she wants, when she wants; I feel like I'm just along for the ride.\n\nNot bragging but I'm very successful for my age so I don't feel like I'm at the end of my rope, so to speak.\n\nI know deep down none of this is right but she wants to work on it. Is there any hope here or should I throw in the towel.", "answer": "I wouldn't marry anyone who was abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7063nz", "comment_id": "dn0q5ko"}, {"question": "How do you know when to go on medication?", "description": "I\u2019ve been debating the idea of visiting a psychiatrist to be prescribed anti-anxiety medication. However, some days I\u2019ll feel like my symptoms warrant the decision and other days I\u2019ll think, \u201cI\u2019m in a good place, why would I need medication?\u201d.  How do you know when to say yes to medication? ", "answer": "This is a very important question and I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a universal answer. But since it\u2019s feeling timely... I just went to the psychiatrist today for the first time in 10 years because the answer to your question (when I asked myself) was, \u201cit\u2019s time.\u201d I\u2019ve sought out holistic approaches running the gamut: psychotherapy, exercise, diet and acupuncture. I\u2019ve cut out drinking, sought support from friends, limited contact with toxic family members and meditated. The list goes on and on. Finally, I got hit with some much-needed objectivity as I observed myself spending the weekend in bed popping over-the-counter sleeping pills to \u201ctake the edge off\u201d and a few days later, had a scary panic attack while driving. \n\nI don\u2019t know how to guide you in assessing your current symptoms but if possible, adopt a non-judging curiosity about yourself and try and observe, as clearly as possible, the basic health of your functioning. How\u2019s your self-talk? Is it angry, self-punishing or perseverating? How\u2019s your sense of belonging? Do you feel isolated, lonely or excluded? How\u2019s your inner-world? Is it dull and bleak or accosting and intense? Look under the rock and name the creepy-crawlies wiggling around.\n\nLong story short: get curious. See what\u2019s within your normal emotional spectrum and what\u2019s beyond. If what\u2019s beyond overwhelms you and feels impossible to address otherwise, it\u2019s worth consulting with a psychiatrist. Good luck to you. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8i95gq", "comment_id": "dypyjzt"}, {"question": "I'm [17/f] and have been talking to [19/m]. Don't know if he likes me? Confused.", "description": "First of all I must say that I overthink everything and I just need a little clarification from people outside the situation. So I'm a 17 y/o girl in Texas and I started talking to a 19 y/o guy over Instagram over a month ago. We live in the same city and really hit it off. I'd also like to mention that he has not come off as aggressive or has given off any red flags. He seems to be a perfectly normal and genuine person. \n\nSo last Saturday I met him in person for the first time. I followed all of the right safety precautions etc. Anyways it was a bit awkward at first, but we eventually found our rhythm and just walked around and talked for two hours. We have a lot of similar interests and hobbies. He hugged me when we met and left, he paid for my meal, offered his jacket to me multiple times (because it was a little cool outside), and while we were sitting on a bench talking he brushed my hair out of my face. He also offered me his hand when I was getting off the bench but I didn't realize what he was doing so I didn't reciprocate and I also never accepted his jacket. He didn't seem overly flirtatious in my opinion and we've been texting back and forth every day since. Despite this, the conversations we have aren't flirty or very forward. I'm conflicted because I really like him but I don't want to come off too strong. \n\nAlso I feel a bit weird about the age difference but I also don't? I'm still in high school and he's in college. I'm afraid to just ask how he feels because I think I might just be impatient. I just don't know how he feels about me or what I should do...\n\nAny advice is appreciated! Thank you! Have a great day!\n", "answer": "Always ask!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jxna", "comment_id": "dgqytv9"}, {"question": "I'm [25/m] white American dating a [25/fm] first generation Iranian girl. Am I or is SHE crazy / are these cultural differences / am I insensitive. I really need advice.", "description": "Let me start of by saying I've never had another girlfriend.  I lack experience, and thus lack perspective.  Thus I really appreciate your perspective if you are able to sit through the lengthy description that follows.  \n\nMy girlfriend is a daughter of Iranian immigrants and suffers from OCD.  I am a white American with ADD.  We connect on the 'important' issues, but the trivial daily relationship friction that results from our cultural and mental disorder differences is really bad.  There are of course many areas where our relationship is unique and amazing, which is why I have stayed a part of this relationship for so long.  But, still, her frustrations with me have pushed our 5-year relationship to verge of failure. \n\nHer family life was strict and lifeless.  She grew up in the suburbs.  Her mom hates her Dad because she has always earned more than him.  This anger from her mother was a constant cloud above her childhood.  As a kid, her parents never encouraged her to take on any hobbies or sports.  Her whole childhood was literally: school, home, TV, homework, bed, repeat.  Her upbringing produced a host of destructive mental disorders:\n\n1) **Vaginismus** \u2013 she is literally incapable of penetrative sex.  Her mom taught her sex was bad.  She has never used a tampon, never had a gynological exam, and we have never had penetrative sex.  When I raise the issue with her, she shuts down. \n\n2) **Asexuality** \u2013 I don\u2019t get the impression that she is bothered by the fact that she can\u2019t have sex, aside from the fact that it makes her not normal.  She has never watched porn in her life, she does not masturbate, and she never initiates physical contact with me.  On the rare occasion that she gives in to me physical initiations, she likes to grind, reach a surface orgasm, and then rolls on her side.  If I ask for a handjob after, she will roll her eyes and give me what amounts to an unenjoyed (on either part), unenthusiastic handjob.  She is also grossed about by semen and prefers to cover my penis with a napkin. \n\n3)\t**Germophobia** --  anytime we are out, she asks me not to touch things like counter tops, walls, railings, and so on.  Upon returning home, shoes must always be taken off, clothes must be changed into \u2018house clothes\u2019, and hands must be washed.  Not doing any of these things results in extreme anger on her part. \n\n4)\t**Controlling** \u2013 she wants everything done in a particular way.  The cabinets should not make a noise when they are closed.  Everything in the refrigerator has an exact location. Meals must be cooked using the fewest number utensils possible, fewest number ingredients possible, and without any spills.  \n\n5) **Indecisiveness** \u2013  She will spends weeks deliberating \u2018big purchases\u2019.  All new clothes go into the closet for 1 \u2013 3 months before being worn or ultimately returned (2/3 clothing items get returned).  All receipts must be saved and verified with her checking account.  She is obsessed with yelp.  All restaurants must be vetted on yelp.  Picking a new restaurant to eat at will literally take a minimum of an hour and routinely 2 hours.  She must read all the reviews, view the menu, look at photos of the food, and already have her meal selected before we can leave.  As a result, there are only 5 restaurants she will eat at (when SHE is going of her own choosing and not for work for example).  She must pick the meal (it\u2019s always the same meal at each restaurant) and we must split it.  Asking to consider a different restaurant or meal on the menu or simply getting different meals, even when I\u2019m paying is met with extreme anger. \n\n6)\tHer life is about **efficiency** rather than pleasure.  For example, last weekend I proposed the idea of cooking a meal together.  She rejected all of my meal ideas as being too complicated, even though I was willing to make the meal on my own.  All I wanted to do was handmake pasta on the countertop, make some pasta sauce, and make an apple/walnut/lemon-dressing salad.  However, the thought of flour being on the countertop was too messy.    \n\nMy family is well educated and successful like hers, but we are fundamentally laid back\u2014even compared to other western white families.  We don\u2019t lock the front door, the house is cluttered, my mom is late everywhere she goes, and so on.  Although I suffer from ADD, I am actually acutely aware of it and thus go through great lengths to combat it.  However, I still struggle on a daily basis.  Consequences of my ADD include: leaving the keys in the front door, leaving drinks out, forgetting to turn lights off, leaving the AC / heater running, and failure to form new habits quickly.   As you can imagine, my upbringing resulted in my \u2018natural order of operation\u2019 being completely at odds with hers.  Despite this, I am open-minded and am willing to change the way I do everything, because I fundamentally see the logic of her peculiarities (aside from our sexual differences).  However, my ADD oversights bother her to no end.  Things have gotten so bad that she literally wants to break up.  \n\nOver Christmas, she and her sister got into a fight.  Her sister revealed that their family had gone out to dinner the day after we returned to our town.  They agreed that she treats me terribly, I am too nice to her, and that if we were ever to break up that she would never find anybody who would tolerate her.  These are fucked up things to say, but the thing is, I literally agree.  I can\u2019t imagine that anybody would be able to tolerate.  Moreover, the thought that she now wants to break up with ME seems literally insane given all of her issues.  \n\n", "answer": "she needs a doctor and a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tk8qk", "comment_id": "ddn57ik"}, {"question": "Dead arm led to something else", "description": "Female (36). I woke in the middle of the night with my arm above my head and could feel nothing from it. I have had this before and used my other arm to pull it down and rub it until the feeling came back. Usually it passes with a bit of uncomfortableness within a few moments but this time I had tremendous pain which led to my whole upper right side of my body having a tingly numbness.\n\nMy arm, shoulder, tongue, face and brain(if this makes sense) went numb.\n\nSo I tried to get up and sat at the side of the bed. I felt extremely lightheaded and nauseous and I lay back down. Then I realized that I couldn\u2019t do simple sums in my head, speak properly or write well. \n\nI felt so tired I fell asleep and all day today I\u2019ve had a numb tingling face on my right hand side and a weakness on that side, especially in my arm. I thought it would pass but it hasn\u2019t.\n\nAny ideas of what it could be? I have PCOS and a history of breast cancer in my family but no other problems. \n\nAdditional note- at new year I felt like I was having a mild heart attack and an ecg showed nothing but my other tests showed mild muscle damage. Is this related?  I have also have difficulty swallowing and constantly find problems swallowing food, especially after periods of stress.", "answer": "Once you\u2019ve ruled out a non-emergent issue look into Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f2w3sk", "comment_id": "fhf1du3"}, {"question": "I always delete the comments I\u2019m about to make or completely rearrange what I\u2019m about to say to someone text wise.", "description": "I don\u2019t like sharing my thoughts, mostly because I think it won\u2019t matter and it always brings some type of negativity. (Not because my thoughts are bad, just because people have opinions and someone always thinks something is wrong)", "answer": "The fact that you\u2019re worried about how others will perceive your ideas is a good indication that you are thoughtful and conscientious. The internet is filled with people who hide behind their usernames projecting their insecurities onto everyone else without even having an opinion or logical idea to share. I would say the world needs more people like you to share your thoughts for discussion. To avoid sharing an idea out of fear that others may not agree or take offense is, in my opinion, an idea worth sharing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "drwytw", "comment_id": "f6mook8"}, {"question": "Mild hallucinations... wondering.", "description": "Heya I\u2019ve e been a lurker on this sub and i have a question. Sorry if it\u2019s long though. \n\nSo, I was diagnosed with bpd in 2010 after  a month or so of delusional thought, rage, just basically a psychotic mess. I was prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotic medications which I took very badly (overdosing, not taking them, selling them at raves, etc). After that i never went back on medication and have been self medicating with weed. \n\nEvery day is a battle with my own mind but i sometimes i wonder if my delusions and hallucinations are a part of it. Has anyone else had something similar happen? Is it just bpd? \n\nI know when i am very stressed i go mental, but most other days i have mild hallucinations with mood swings. \n\nIf anyone knows something about this please let me know! Much appreciated guys, thanks :)\n\nXx", "answer": "What do you mean by mild hallucinations? As far as I know, hallucinations are not part of bpd. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9qfd18", "comment_id": "e88wvt4"}, {"question": "What do I do?", "description": "A few months after we (21f 23m) got married I found texts from other girls in his phone, some even from before the actual wedding date. I confronted him about it and he promised that he'd stop and I believed him but again, I saw texts coming in from other girls just a few days ago. I don't know what to do or what to say this time. If he wanted to act as though he was single why didn't he just say that he didn't want to get married?", "answer": "exactly. he needs to come clean with you about what he wants from life", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tkq9i", "comment_id": "ddn9zyz"}, {"question": "I'm in law enforcment and wonder if I have PTSD, or at least some symptoms.", "description": "I have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  The reason I am posting is because recently I had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  I have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  I have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  In addition I have also been involved in a \"suicide by cop\" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times I sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  I did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.\n\nIt seems when I experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  Some things concern/scare me.  For instance, there was once where I was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  I couldn't control my breathing, heart rate, etc.  I have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  I have bouts where the images and memories intrude and I can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  In my teen years I also contemplated suicide often, though this has not been an active thought for over a decade now.  Each time I experience a particularly difficult call I get a little more worried.\n\nI know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what I deal with in my job on a regular basis.  I know it's not \"normal\" for someone to have to take in and analyze every detail of a scene like that. I know I shouldn't be \"OK\" after these incidents, but I don't know if I'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.", "answer": "I'm a clinical psych doctoral student. Ethically, I can't diagnose or provide treatment, but I will say that you really should speak to a clinical psychologist. This is not at all uncommon.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "f7o0m6", "comment_id": "ficplxg"}, {"question": "How can I secretly get my nephew medical care without his parents knowing? (mental health)", "description": "UPDATE: Thank you so much for all your help, guys. So many good points were brought up and your advice helped a lot. I was up all night mulling things over, and in the morning I decided to tell my sister everything, before the kids woke up. She was glad I spoke up. This morning she drove the girls to school, but let her son stay home. When she got back from school dropoffs she took him out for the day. They went for a drive to the park, got lunch, and talked. When they got home, my nephew had a nap on the couch. I didn't ask what was said, but my sister said things were smoothed out a bit, communication-wise, and she is monitoring his mood. He will try the school counsellor again, and from there we will see what needs to be done treatment-wise for his health. She also said that she explained to her son my choice to betray his trust, and he understands. Still, I will talk to my nephew, explain my choice to tell his parents, and apologise in person for spilling his secret. Just to make sure we are ok. Again, thank you everyone for your advice.\n\n15M, 6+foot, ??kg, Caucasian, no current medication (afaik), no drugs or drinking. In New Zealand.\n\nSo tonight my nephew (15m) told me (25f) that he is struggling with what sounds like severe depression.\n\nLong story short, he is struggling with the usual symptoms: low self esteem, constant suicidal thoughts, previous self-harm (once), anxiety, inability to focus on schoolwork, inability to fall asleep, inability to get a decent sleep, and on top of all that, frightening memory gaps. He comes home from school and literally has no answer to the question: *\"How was school?\"* He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.\n\nMy nephew is terrified of speaking to his parents about this. **NOTE:** they are incredible, supportive parents, but he hates to talk about this stuff and he is terrified of starting that conversation with them, because he is worried he will be forced out of his 'bottle it up' mentality. I have encouraged him to speak with his parents, but he adamantly refused. He specifically asked me not to tell his parents because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with them.\n\nI don't want to betray my nephew's trust, but I know he needs better care and support than I can provide. I am living with the family at the moment, so I can offer at-home support. However, I think he needs to see a professional. These memory gaps are causing him to struggle in school, it's affecting his friendships, and it's affecting his home life. It's affecting his happiness. He is passively suicidal, but that could change at the drop of a hat. I want to know what I can organise for him without his mum and dad finding out and spilling the beans.. Is he able to get therapy? Does he need parental consent to try medications?\n\nI know this isn't the typical 'AskDocs' question, and I apologise. But I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "Every country has issues of payment. It\u2019s not the Byzantine mess of out of pocket costs and insurance that the US has, but someone has to pay, and that means knowing what, if anything, needs to be done to access universal coverage. And making sure that a specific doctor is in that system and not private pay, which can also happen.\n\nIt may be nothing at all, but that\u2019s something to figure out first.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "irzugz", "comment_id": "g58ekw8"}, {"question": "Am I [29/m] going crazy? Can someone tell me if I wrote or implied something I'm missing to my gf [26/f]?", "description": "This is infuriating me. My girlfriend of 1 year seems to be under the impression that I broke up with her when I only asked that I needed some time to myself since I was mad at her. Today I messaged her and dropped off her favourite drink and she said \"its over\" because I said it was over yesterday over text (which I did not). I told her several times that I did not say this and to pinpoint exactly in our texts when I said this and she said she said I did it indirectly. I apologized to her if she interpretted things wrong but I did not mean that at all. She insists that it was me that broke things off and says that now I want her back and that I have a sudden change of heart.\n\nIn any case, I've attached a screenshot of the whole convo. It would give me so much peace of mind if someone can critique this objectively and verify if what my GF says is true. I am at my wits and so dumbfounded at how we're both interpretting this differently. My only conclusions are:\n\n- she genuinely misinterpretted things due to her emotions getting in the way\n- she won't admit she screwed up\n- she's looking for an excuse to break up\n\nSome context to the conversation: We were supposed to meet up before she went to dinner with her parents. Up until the very last minute, she flaked out on me. This is literally upto the last minute as the earliest time she could've met up with me is 5:30 and she was supposed to have dinner at 6 (which I found out after, I thought thye were meeting at 7). Cooincidentally, I chose to meet up with parents around after meeting her\n\nHere's [part 1](http://i.imgur.com/kFwdonB.jpg), and [part 2](http://i.imgur.com/MfjouqX.jpg) of the conversations\n\nTLDR; Girlfriend thinks I broke up with her based on the convo on the two links above. Please confirm that she misread things or not", "answer": "You overreacted, and your girlfriend exhausted her supply of guilt and began to feel attacked. \n\nNext time, if she fucks up and you'd like to stay in relationship with her, say \"that really sucks\" and drop it till you can communicate without whining about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gdg8l", "comment_id": "dipjw1o"}, {"question": "[33/m] My girlfriend [26/f] hit me..", "description": "We were on and off one year together, she punched me two times and shoved me against the door once..\n\nI am bigger then her and obviously can control my anger and I know better than to hit her back and face jail time..\n\nWe have just broken up and apparently she doesn't feel much real remorse over the violence episodes.\nWe broke up because after the last violent episode, I threatened to call the police and she became a bit paranoid about it, claiming that I want to ruin her life and that I am the cause of her problems..\n\nI gave her three options: Go see a psychologist, I call her mother or I call the police.. \nShe said \"Call the police, I don't care, and if you want, call my mother but I won't do it\".. She did research a bit to get a psychologist, to which she said: \"I will go get your answers but then I want nothing to do with you, you've made my life a living hell for one year\"..\n\nWhen the last violent episode happened, I even told her that our relationship would be put on hold , for her to get herself treated.. Her remorse lasted about 30 min. She did apologise sincerely for it, though. She never meant to harm me, I know she has a hard time releasing her anger.\n\nI also made it clear that I would support her with the psychologist solution, regardless of the relationship.\n\nI find it incredibly hurtful that she can't truly own up to her mistake and makes me wonder whether she is a sociopath or not..She does not blame me for the violence, but she blames the relationship for bringing it out in her\n\nWas I wrong to threaten to call the police?\n\nEDIT: I didn't call the police, I just threatened her because I saw no other option. I do not condone violence, on any gender.", "answer": "she has HUGE issues. yes, call the police if she's out of control.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ojy29", "comment_id": "dcjx9wo"}, {"question": "Tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nI am new to the sub, but I am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. It gives me hope I haven't had in a long time. A little background about me:\n\nI have PTSD due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. Many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what was going on. He raped me while he was drunk, and when I tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where I slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. I also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. There is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.\n\nI am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. I am very grateful to have my husband, but I know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and I have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.\n\nUnfortunately, though I have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. I was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to AA? I would really appreciate any insights you all have.\n\nKeep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here.", "answer": "If you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer Employee Assistance Programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions.  If your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy.  \n\nRAAIN is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches.  If you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable.  \n\nThere are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative.  Anything by Brene Brown is great for this, I also frequently recommend The Body Keep the Score (I have no relationship to either author, I just find their work to be good and solidly research based).  If you have a local library card, apps like Libby and Hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).\n\nAnd if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit).  You might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc.  It sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.\n\nIf you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/)\n\nI hope you find some good support in the meantime, and I hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "e4a10en"}, {"question": "Ice Cubes 11th Step: On Awakening", "description": "Ice Cube\u2019s 11th Step: On Awakening\n\n***ON AWAKENING LET US THINK ABOUT THE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AHEAD. WE CONSIDER OUR PLANS FOR THE DAY.\n\n\u201cJust waking up in the morning gotta thank God.\nI don't know but today seems kinda odd. (SELF ESTEEM, FEAR)\nNo barking from the dogs, no smog,\nAnd momma cooked a breakfast with no hog.\u201d (SECURITY)\n\n***BEFORE WE BEGIN, WE ASK GOD TO DIRECT OUR THINKING, ESPECIALLY ASKING THAT IT BE DIVORCED FROM SELF-PITY, DISHONEST OR SELF-SEEKING MOTIVES.\n\n\u201cThinking will I live another twenty-four?\u201d (AMBITIONS, SECURITY, FEAR)\n\n***IN THINKING ABOUT OUR DAY WE MAY FACE INDECISION. WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DETERMINE WHICH COURSE TO TAKE.\n\n\u201cI got my grub on, but didn't pig out. (SECURITY)\nFinally got a call from a girl want to dig out. (SEXUAL RELATIONS)\nHooked it up on later as I hit the door...\u201d (SEXUAL RELATIONS)\n\n\u201cI gotta go cause I got me a drop top, (AMBITIONS)\nAnd if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop. (PERSONAL REALATIONS)\nHad to stop at a red light, (SECURITY)\nLooking in my mirror not a jacker in sight.\u201d (FEAR)\n\n***HERE WE ASK GOD FOR INSPIRATION, AN INTUITIVE THOUGHT OR A DECISION. WE RELAX AND TAKE IT EASYT. WE DON\u2019T STRUGGLE. WE ARE OFTEN SURPRISED HOW THE RIGHT ANSWERS COME AFTER WE HAVE TRIED THIS FOR A WHILE. WHAT USED TO BE THE HUNCH OF THE OCCASIONAL INSPIRATION GREADUALLY BECOMES A WORKING PART OF THE MIND.\n\n\u201cAnd everything is alright.\u201d (HAPPY, JOYOUS, FREE)\n\n***BEING STILL INEXPERIENCED AND HAVING JUST MADE A CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH GOD, IT IS NOT PROBABLE THAT WE ARE GOING TO BE INSPIRED AT ALL TIMES. WE MIGHT PAY FOR THIS PRESUMPTION IN ALL SORTS OF ABSURD ACTIONS AND IDEAS.\n\n\u201cI got a beep from Kim and she can f*** all night.\nCalled up the homies and I'm askin' y'all\nWhich park, are y'all playin' basketball?\nGet me on the court and I'm trouble,\nLast week f***** around and got a triple double.\nFreaking brothers every way like M.J.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s interesting to see the selfishness and self-centerdness that Ice Cube is still operating under. This, \u201c\u2026is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though (the alcoholic) he usually doesn't think so.\u201d (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 62) It\u2019s difficult to take this persevering (perseverance is the spiritual principle of Step 11) action daily and we may fail often, but the take-away is to continue to practice. \u201cYou can do it.\u201d \u2013 Rob Schneider\n\n***NEVERTHELESS, WE FIND THAT OUR THINKING WILL, AS TIME PASSES, BE MORE ON THE PLANE OF INSPIRATION. WE COME TO RELY UPON IT.\n\n\u201cI can't believe, today was a good day.\u201d\n\n***AS WE GO THROUGH THE DAY WE PAUSE, WHEN AGITATED OR DOUBTFUL, AND ASK FOR THE RIGHT THOUGHT OR ACTION. WE CONSTANTLY REMIND OURSELVES WE ARE NO LONGER RUNNING THE SHOW, HUMBLY SAYING TO OURSELVES MAY TIMES WACH DAY \u201cTHY WILL BE DONE.\u201d\n\n\u201cSaw the police and they rolled right past me.\nNo flexin', didn't even look in a n***** direction as I ran the intersection.\u201d\n\n\u201cDidn't even see a berry flashing those high beams.\u201d\n\n\u201cNo helicopter looking for a murder.\u201d\n\n\u201cTwo in the morning got the fat burger.\u201d\n\n\u201cEven saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp\nAnd it read Ice Cube's a pimp!\u201d\n\nNotice this miraculous shift in awareness and connection now. Ice Cube\u2019s Spiritual Awakening, of the educational variety, is now taking form. Notice Ice Cube\u2019s Higher Power at work in the following excerpts from his 11th Step inventory. Reflect now on how when Ice Cube is following the directions his consequences that he paid for in absurd actions and ideas start to dissipate. He is no longer in self-centerdness and his thoughts are on others. Because he is now connected again to his H.P he doesn\u2019t even notice nor is concerned or in fear of the Los Angles Police Department (Institutions). Ice cube is stopping, pausing and asking for direction and he is now aware of beautiful things on this earth that he wasn\u2019t able to recognize before, such as a message on a blimp in the sky which is congratulating his accolades for the day. This message is straight from the Goodyear company. See, even large corporations are aware of his spiritual prowess on this day! He\u2019s even eating healthy, hence no more unmanageability in life! So Amazing. So Powerful!\n\n\u201cWith the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven\nSeven even back do' little Joe.\nI picked up the cash flow,\nThen we played bones, and I'm yellin' domino.\nPlus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.\u201d\n\n\u201cDidn't even get no static from the cowards...\nCause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me.\u201d\n\n\u201cLeft my n***** house paid.\u201d\n\nWhen Ice Cube is in 11th Step action and spiritually connected the 11th Step promises manifest and he is able to roll sevens and elevens in street craps because his Higher Power makes that possible. He is protected and fear has been totally and fully removed regarding the negative unspiritual individuals that tried to terminate his life the day before. Also, no person in the entire city of South Central Los Angles dies when Ice Cube is working his program as his Higher Power\u2019s grace is extending through him and effecting everyone that he knows.\n\n\u201cThe Lakers beat the Supersonics.\u201d\n\nA little historical fact: This day happened in 1992 when the Los Angles Lakers were struggling as an organization. Their record that year was 39-43. They finished 5th in the NBA Pacific Division. However, the Seattle Super Sonics that year finished 55-27, and reached the playoffs as the #3 seed in the Western Conference. Hence, proving that they were a more dominant team. But that day, when Ice Cube was extending spiritual principles and fitting himself to be of maximum service to all things, his Higher Power allowed, his home team, the obviously inferior Lakers to win that day. The promises do come true!\n\n\"Picked up a girl been tryin' to f*** since the twelfth grade.\nShe didn't hesitate, to call Ice Cube the top gun.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s powerful to note that a woman that had no interest in Ice Cube since they were in high school is now is comparing him to Tom Crusie\u2019s hero character, Maverick, in the movie Top Gun, a 1986 production that won a plethora of awards. Women fall all over Tom Cruise, because he is spiritual. Again\u2026 the A.A. promises! Ice Cube has now reached Spiritual Gangsta status because he let go and let God!\n\n\u201cI was glad everything had worked out...\nToday was like one of those fly dreams.\u201d\n\nIce Cube admits that he feels like he is living in a dream world. It is important to reference page 25 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, \u201cWe have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we have not even dreamed.\u201d Would Ice Cube be feeling this way if he wasn\u2019t in spiritual action? The answer is no, no he would not. Live and let live.\n\n\u201cToday I didn't even have to use my A.K.\u201d\n\nIce Cube is definitely practicing \u201cprogress not perfection\u201d as he has not even committed one single murder today nor fired a round from his firearm. Easy does it.\n\n\u201cToday was a good day.\u201d\n\n\u201cWe are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works - it really does.\u201d (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 88)\n\nThen entire 11th Step promises are summed up perfectly in one sentence on the final entry of Ice Cube\u2019s 11th Step. This is the best detailed explanation and communicated definition of a Spiritual Awakening that I have ever heard. It is definitely way better than any explanations or descriptions that any of the personal stories give in the Big Book. Additionally, I must mention, exponentially better and more informative than Bill Wilson\u2019s.", "answer": "Hahaha!!! I wish I had your imagination and creativity....or spare time!!! Hilarious stuff!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "cb5e23", "comment_id": "etdng7b"}, {"question": "When/how/if to stop taking citalopram", "description": "Hello, I'm a 23 year old female and have been taking citalopram since last August, so here is my story - I visited Greece July last year and ended up in the medical centre having ecg and an xray as I was having v bad pains in chest (basically thought I was having a heart attack) turns out it was just anxiety which I had never suffered with before in my life. So I got home from Greece and saw my gp straight away who signed me off work (I put the anxiety down to a v stressful job which was also a v unpleasant place to be). After my second visit to the gp he prescribed me with 10mg citalopram- it took me a while to pluck up the courage to take these as I've never been one to rely on tablets but enough was enough and I wanted to get better. So fast forward to around November time things were good, I have a new job and I am feeling a lot better but then I was hit with some bad news in the family so again went into meltdown and went upto 20mg of citalopram. So here we are now 10 months on from my first episode and I feel like I'm a new girl. I feel like I've found myself again and I am the best version of me, apart from now suffering with severe ibs. I've learnt how to deal with anxiety (I suffered mostly with health anxiety), I'm in a great job, and I feel like I can deal with whatever life wants to throw at me. So what I want to know is, do I have to stay on citalopram forever? Is there a recommended amount of time to be on it? Is there a possibility that my IBS could be linked to the medication(as it's only since I started taking it that I have suffered)? I dont necessarily want to be taking these tablets for the rest of my life but also dont want to try run before I can walk. Any advice will be greatly appreciated", "answer": "The recommendation for treatment of anxiety is 6-12 months past full remission of symptoms. Most recent evidence seems to suggest longer, but it's not the strongest evidence. It's something to discuss with your doctor. You can lower the dose gradually and see how you do. It's always possible to wait longer and then stop it; it's also always possible to restart it if you find your anxiety worsened without it.\n\n​\n\nIt's possible that the GI effects of citalopram are causing/mimicking IBS, but SSRIs like citalopram are also recommended treatment for IBS, so it's hard to know.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "btqkaa", "comment_id": "ep1dcaz"}, {"question": "How can you keep seeing a psychologist?", "description": "They charge something like $100 an hour, every week... that really adds up. How can I justify allowing my family to pay those kinds of fees for me?\n\nI don't meant to sound unappreciative, or rude. But I wonder if it's making me feel worse allowing my family to suffer the costs simply because I suffer from mental illnesses? (depression and anxiety... to a very debilitating extent)", "answer": "Many psychologists offer sliding fees to fit your financial burdens, although as a business- they have to make money.\n\nMight try seeing a Master's level therapist (LPC, MSW, etc) - they are just as good and cost less (the only real difference between a psychologist and a counselor is that a psychologist has a degree to to research and can offer more assessments)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sgtf9", "comment_id": "c4fca3r"}, {"question": "Just took a blood test and was wondering whether i have diabetes or not?", "description": "hi I'm 27 years old, 5'7 tall/short, and weigh just under 250 Ib, for the longest time my diet consisted of 1L daily intake of juices and carbonated drink + junk food. the other day there was a thread on reddit about diseases and shit, and it quite frankly scared me, so today i decided to take a blood test for diabetes, i've eaten breakfast at around 7:45 am, and drank coffee around 9:00 am, i didn't eat anything afterwards until i took the test at around 5:00 pm and these were the results:\n\nhttps://i.imgur.com/byeUK4W.jpg\n\nso am i diabetic, or has allah bestowed upon me a new life?", "answer": "Assuming that \"FBS\" is blood glucose that's a normal reading and you're fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9g32st", "comment_id": "e612ki4"}, {"question": "Academic Accommodation at University", "description": "Hi, I am currently in the process of submitting supplementary forms into my application for university. I saw the option for applying for Academic Accommodation and ADHD was one of the disabilities that was covered. I have never really received any special accommodation in elementary school and secondary school, so I am not sure I really require it.\n\nHave any of you applied for support in school like this before? If so did it benefit you?\nWould you suggest doing so? \n\nTL;DR: University applicant wondering if he should apply for academic accommodation based off of his ADHD.\n\nEdit: I have now talked to my guidance about it today and now he is going to be contacting the teacher who deals with this kind of stuff frequently.\n", "answer": "I could not recommend applying for accommodations enough!  I had accommodations while in high school, and didn't want to pursue them in college because \"I didn't want to feel different.\"  It was worst choice I made.  I knew I was able to comprehend and do what was asked of me, I just needed more time than others to do so.  When I returned to school after taking time off, I applied for the services and I a significant portion of my success to these accommodations.\n\nAfter speaking to a counselor and verifying my diagnosis, I was given time and a half on tests in a quiet and private room (when available, which was more often than not); permission to use a voice recorder during lecture; and have a volunteer note taker.  I am starting my first semester of grad school next week and I know these accommodations will continue to be invaluable to me.\n\nTL;DR:  Apply for accommodations.  Even if you think you can do without them, it is better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them.\n\nBest wishes!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2slc79", "comment_id": "cnqqo9r"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. Sorry re delay. I am delighted and its getting easier. Still the usual cravings but much less at the front of my mind. Things better with family life too. Hopefully they will stay like that!! How are u getting on now? What are u doing to replace the booze? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "e0m6tzs"}, {"question": "Listening to people misunderstanding each other is torture", "description": "So I'm one of those people who lose all sense of inhibition when I'm with friends, but hanging out with people I don't know as well makes me fold into myself. I find it impossible to speak and would rather go unobserved. \n\nWhich makes it all the more irritating that my brain is so quick to jump to conclusions and understanding what people are saying before others are. I cannot count the amount of times I've been infuriated listening to conversation where two people are talking past each other, both not realizing that the other is completely missing the point or they're talking about two different subjects. Sometimes to move them along I just straight up explain to them what the other is saying because I'm so impatient to get this convo going. Rude? Maybe. But God, guys, why are you still discussing this! Why does no one in the room seem to understand what the conversation is actually about! Get a fucking move on!\n\nNow the worst thing I know is people who interrupt (sorry, interrupters, but it's super annoying), so I'd rather sit there suffering than finish someone's train of thought for them, but GOD is it tempting. ", "answer": "Feel you on this one! Hence why I am now being a marriage and family therapist! I can now use it as a gift to help others haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9nsnp4", "comment_id": "e7p1tfm"}, {"question": "Am I the only one making sacrifices?", "description": "\nI (22F) have been with my bf (25M) going on three months and I'm wondering if I'm the only one making any sacrifices in our sex life.\n\nHe was pretty forthcoming early on with his expectation of sex every day. He sees this as an important part of a relationship. I thought this was unusual as my previous bf didn't expect sex every day. I'm usually pretty good with reciprocating his sexual advances, but sometimes I just don't want it. He sometimes makes comments that makes me feel guilty about not wanting it (joking or not!).\n\nHe refuses to wear a condom because he says \"it feels like taking a shower in a raincoat\". As I am unable to go on the pill due to being prone to migraines, I opted for the implant so as to ensure I don't get pregnant. I've been having major side effects from it and am considering getting it removed (bf does not agree with this - but I don't care because it's MY body that's being wrecked). I'm also not very keen to try other birth control methods such as the IUD.\n\nI get pretty uncomfortable during/after sex \"down there\". It feels like I've been stretched out and it slightly burns (a torn feeling?). This torn feeling lasts at least a day and if we have sex while it still hurts, it gets so much worse and/or he can't even get inside me. I suggested we use lube to see if that helps but he says he prefers \"natural lubrication\" and that we should just do more foreplay. I can definitely say more foreplay doesn't help. I'm unsure of why this is happening since I do tend to get extremely wet. I've never had this problem with other partners, though I've almost always used condoms, and he is larger than my previous partners.\n\nLast night I actually discovered a pea-sized lump just below my clitoris that hurts when I touch it and is very uncomfortable if I sit or stand a certain way. I'm not too concerned at this point but I will go see a doctor if it's still there in a couple of days.\n\nI've had various STI tests in the last couple months (all clear), but my bf has never had one and is not open to it. He says he's clean because he's never noticed any symptoms and I've tried to tell him that he wouldn't necessarily have any symptoms and could still have an STI. I'm concerned because he is so clearly against wearing condoms and has had around 6 sexual partners.\n\nSometimes I just feel like I'm there as a tool for him to get off. I regularly feel shitty after sex even though I'm pretty sure I love him.\n\nI'm seeing him tonight and am unsure of how to bring all this up.\n\nTL;DR - bf won't get STI checked even though he refuses to wear condoms, wants sex every day and makes me feel guilty when I don't want it, I get sore regularly and he won't use lube. Noticed a pea-sized lump below my clit. How do I bring it all up to him?", "answer": "why are you with this guy?????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wg2py", "comment_id": "dm7svvr"}, {"question": "My anxiety makes me feel that I am running out of time and I am only 21", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I can tell you that I've often felt the same way, although I'd say in comparison, you're probably putting a lot of stress on yourself at a younger age than I did.  \n\n\nKeep this thought in mind.  Your brain isn't even fully formed until you're in your early-mid 20's.  Is it reasonable to expect that you meet some of these major life goals shortly after your brain just finished fully forming?  \n\n\nI felt very similar in the search the love, knowing exactly what I wanted to do, feeling like I should be financially secure (own a house, own a car, etc.)\n\n\nI'm almost 33.  Married for a little over 2 years now.  When it comes to love, looking back, had I pressured myself to \"find love\" and get married in my early 20's, it would have been one of the worst decisions I would have ever made and by this point would have surely either ended up divorced or living miserably.  \n\n\nI'd say the 20's are your years to experiment.  Figure out who you are, try new hobbies, travel some, date a lot of people to figure out what you want/need in a partner.  Once you've met so many of these goals, you don't have the time, energy, or aren't able to do many of these things after, but no matter how old, you can do them before.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "cn74pu", "comment_id": "ew89gzg"}, {"question": "So I was told 'thoughts cause feelings and you are thinking all the wrong things'", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Honestly I do believe that we can learn to have  control over how our thoughts impact our feelings and vice versa. You can easily 'feed' insecurity and negative thoughts through action, words, and thought. You can counter them with positive self talk, and that is evidenced based shown to be effective in combating negative emotions and thoughts. self talk is a big part of recovery, and we often are not our own best friends.\n\nPart of what I think is helpful too is to learn to be less sensitive about our mental health. Yeah it sucks and feels like a criticism, but it's not unwarranted nor is it meant in jest if someone has a suggestion or comment on our behavior. We need these opportunities to grow and learn from our mistakes to beat this. And we definitely can overcome it\n\nTo add on to this, I work in addiction recovery. A lot of my clients are addicts that do want to be clean but continue to relapse and make the same mistakes. The problems are less about drugs and more about their underlying issues and how they approach the world. Mistrust, dishonesty, stubbornness and rigidity, desire to take the easy path, lack of patience... among many other things, all play a role in recovery. You can be sober but if you keep acting with those behaviors and thoughts, you will relapse and you will never heal, you will continue to struggle. \n\nI think bpd is similar. If we continue to let this disorder guide our behaviors and thoughts we never find our sense of self, never form our own identity, and forge our own path ahead. My favorite part of DBT was 'opposite action', where you literally do the opposite of how you feel. And it fucking works. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ar8b03", "comment_id": "eglf2z5"}, {"question": "I'm [m/30] fed up with my wife [f/33]. I've asked her for years to get a job and she's never done it and she is always \"sick.\"", "description": "Unfortunately not my first time posting here. \n\nA quick backstory. My wife and I went through a whirlwind romance. I adopted her child and we have one together. We've been married now a decade. About four years ago my family dropped a bomb on us with some disgusting revelations about my uncle and my sister. Shortly after my wife had an affair. We are now three years out from the affair. \n\nOriginally when I was living off my parents and we had our own child, I told my wife she didn't have to work so she could spend the time with our child. Once our child started Pre-k, I told my wife the she needed to find a job. Now three years later, she still hasn't found a job or really looked. She uses the excuse that I work too much or that she wouldn't make enough to justify the expense. \n\nMy wife is also very sickly as of the last year. Bad enough to the point where I made her go to the doctor and get a full run up done just because I felt like she was sick all the time. Of course the test came back negative (there is nothing wrong with her). But her streak of sickness continues (i.e. had the \"flu\" twice this year, but never test positive; had multiple bladder infections, but never tested for one; and constant headaches and stomach aches). \n\nIt has just been A LOT lately. \n\nTo top it off she's on diet pills, started smoking (i HATE smoking), and has started drinking a lot more (2-4 times a week).\n\nI'm just generally unhappy about where we are right now. I've talked to her about the job and she says she is going to get one (but hasn't even done a resume yet or started looking), she knows how frustrated I am with her \"sickness,\" and makes me feel bad every time I doubt her sickness. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I love her and feel like I'm to the point where I have accepted her for who she is and what she has done; however, i just don't feel like things are even. I would KILL to have a day off where I just sit on the couch and be \"sick\" (I have TWO high stress jobs), but I can't not work. ", "answer": "if she's sick and NOT taking care of herself, the rel.  is in big trouble. how patient do you want to be? what's going to change???", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sorf2", "comment_id": "ddgtx72"}, {"question": "I need help with my relationship. My boyfriend[M/24] and I [F/26] have been fighting A lot.", "description": "He always wants to hang out with me when we are home alone. I tell him I'm writing jokes and want to be alone and he still bothers me. He will sit on my bed and talk. So we argue over this. I cook him dinner and he never eats it, yet always asks me what's for dinner. So we argue.\n\nItsgotten to the point where I sleep alone in the seperate room and tell him I want to be alone. He will then barge in and try and sleep with me. I tell him no and no, yet he doesn't take that as an answer. Last night he went in when I wasn't paying attention and turned the futon down into a bed and we argued over this.\n\nOn top of all this he co stantly complains we don't spend enough time together even though we have date nights, go to his parents for dinner, and watch house of cards together. I just don't know what he is complaining about.\n\nI love him, but its getting to the point where I can't stand him. What should I do?", "answer": "couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "768azq", "comment_id": "doc1pee"}, {"question": "Hung out with a girl and made it awkward now what?", "description": "I don't know how to undo the issue and I feel kinda bad about it", "answer": "Find out if you have any shared interests.  Make a plan to do that.  Even if not,  suggesting something like games or recreation activities are generally great date ideas if you're on the younger side.  Mini-golf, shooting pool, going ice or roller skating, or anything along those lines.  They give you something to do but also the opportunity to talk, get to know each other, and flirt as opposed to say watching tv or going to the movies.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "938xg3", "comment_id": "e3cyoo4"}, {"question": "How much can I tell my wife's psychiatrist?", "description": "My wife has suffered from depression for years. The severity fluctuates -- at worst, she's suicidal and has attempted it before. She's headed there again. I've been through these attempts before, and the signs are clear. Problem is, she stopped taking her medication about six months ago, and has been lying to her psychiatrist about it. I've been supporting her decision and not ratting her out. But, now that she's sliding down so fast, should I tell him? Part of me says yes, because she clearly needs medication, but another part of me knows that if I did that she'd feel so betrayed that she'd become suicidal right now. And by that I mean she'd get a hotel room and kill herself, like she's threatened to do many times before, and not give me the opportunity to intervene like I usually do.\n\n", "answer": "Ultimately, you know the situation, your wife, and her doctor better than any of us. You will have to ultimately use your judgment on what's going to keep her safe and alive. \n\nI would suggest talking to her psychiatrist, if you feel he would e sensitive to your concerns. Maybe you two can come up with a plan to help her? Either way- he needs to be aware that she is not taking her medicine for him to help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ivnl4", "comment_id": "cl60l7e"}, {"question": "Choosing between Masters in Social Work vs Masters in Counseling", "description": "I am a 24 year old Skills Instructor (working with adults with disabilities) with a BS in Psychology looking to go back to school and get my masters. My ultimate career goal is to be an independent couples counselor working out of my own home or a private office.\nI originally was planning on applying to a state university program for counseling but was recently told that if I want to be independently contracted then clinical social work is a better program to apply for.\nSo, marriage and family counselors of Reddit, what's your advice for the best path to go down to get where I want to be? What're the next steps I should be taking?\n(I live in MASSACHUSETTS if that makes any sort of difference licensure wise)", "answer": "Oh boy. This is sort of a loaded question. I got my LMHC in MA after getting my Masters in Counseling. I also live in MA. My understanding of this is that with your SW degree you have an easier time getting independently licensed and can use that in a multiple states. With your LMHC you have to get independently licensed in each state which may or may not mean returning to school. I've heard from LICSW friends that they have more career options and often get paid better due to versatility in their degree. LMHC is less social work related jobs and more therapy jobs (although they can be somewhat interchangeable, as in doing more of a LICSW job now and am an LMHC, and plenty of LIs do therapy).\n\nPersonally I don't regret getting my LMHC but wish I had more information on the differences during grad school. I think it's more of an access to jobs difference, but maybe someone had better information than I do. \n\nI can answer anything you'd like I know about LMHC track, so feel free to ask! :) I practice in MA and have had my license for about a year. I just started my own private practice, so it sounds like we have similar career goals!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6ve7iu", "comment_id": "dlzqxug"}, {"question": "Case of the EX", "description": "So I've been dating a guy for 9 months and we're both 29. When we first started dating he was very open about still being in contact with his exes as they were friends before they started dating. Which was weird but I was ok with it. I feel like lately his communication with one ex in particular has increased. Should I ask him about it? Should I be concerned?", "answer": "Yes, and Yes. Do you trust him? Is he committed to you? Plans for the future? Never be shy about asking questions when you have feelings about something.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "626fp0", "comment_id": "dfk1p36"}, {"question": "Is there any permanent damage caused by smoking weed twice.", "description": "I really regret smoking weed the 2 times I did it. Each time was separated by about a 3 month time period. No tobacco mixed in it, just joints, and both times were after work so I shared the joint with some friends so I never smoked an entire joint.  If I remember correctly I'm pretty sure I only puffed on each one three times or twice even.  \n\nThaaaaat being said, even though I enjoyed the feeling, I feel like ive tainted my body.  And ive done some research and the fact that inhaling any kind of smoke is bad for you Ive established that I would not be doing it again.  In fact I am a bit surprised by the amount of people who will defend weed smoking and act as if it has virtually no ill harm towards you when in reality it does.  Smoke is smoke.  \n\nBut yeah, would there be permanent damage left behind, for example any irreversible tar in my lungs, or chemicals in my blood.  I take my general health to high regard, it truly is priceless at the end of the day its all we have.  I'm currently 24, and I did this last year.  \n\n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Just twice? Then practically zero chance. Theres probably bigger risks in breathing in polluted city air than what you did.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5b3b", "comment_id": "dl2mma1"}, {"question": "Are hypnagogic hallucinations a sign of schizophrenia?", "description": "I'm 19 and have been diagnosed with health anxiety and a panic disorder. My main worry at the moment is schizophrenia. I've noticed that I sometimes hear sounds that aren't there when I'm falling asleep. I googled it and it seems like its a \"common\" experience (according to a study it's up to 70% of people who experience it, just can't recall it). However, I can't find anything about if it's linked to having schizophrenia or not and it's making me quite worried. I also have a history of derealization (I don't experience it anymore thankfully). Could this be a sign of schizophrenia in the future?\n\nP.S. I'd go so far as saying that my panic disorder has now been cured. I haven't had a panic attack in almost two years now.", "answer": "Well, hearing sounds that are not there is a symptom of schizophrenia. However, this does not sound like a symptom of schizophrenia to me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dxt5h3", "comment_id": "f7wfxml"}, {"question": "Loosing faith in Alcoholics Anonymous relapsed at 28 days", "description": "I have been going to AA almost daily and really trying to stay active in the program and credit the program for helping me get to 28 days sober. I have been dedicating a lot of my time to make meetings and stay active in AA while ignoring my other problems I need to fix. \n\nYesterday I was trying to work on my problems and had a lot of emotions come to the surface and I was feeling really depressed, lonely and hopeless again. I decided to call some people from AA to talk about the problems I was having and the only answer they gave me was \"go to a meeting!\".\n\nThat was the first time I felt like I was in a cult or something like that. I came to realize that instead of drinking to escape from my problems and feel better I am using AA to feel better and not have to deal with my issues. \n\nMoving forward I am going to continue in AA but I think I will only go about 2-3 days a week. I honestly think it helps and I enjoy meetings but it is not going to solve the problems I am having in my life. It will help me to deal with some issues but its just one tool for me to maintain my sobriety. I will take what helps me but leave the rest. \n\nHas anyone ever experienced something like this?\n\n\n", "answer": "Where are you in the steps? The meetings are irrelevent without the steps.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h3bkk", "comment_id": "caqfbau"}, {"question": "My therapist said I couldn\u2019t have PTSD without being injured or seeing someone be injured in some way", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "The DSM definition of PTSD was based on the experience of American Vietnam War Veterans, many of whose PTSD was caused by exposure to violent death. So, technically, if you have not been exposed to violent death, you can't fully qualify for the diagnosis. However, of course you can have a post trauma reaction to other traumatic events and they do not have to include violence. DSM is mostly mute about this possibility and doesn't provide for it explicitly, and if you're being technical, you'd have to diagnose Other Specified Trauma or similar. \n\nThe entire category of trauma disorders is political in nature and many legitimate types of trauma disorders have been unrecognized because the political will to recognize them has not been sufficient. I recommend you read Dr. Judith Herman's brilliant and brutal book Trauma And Recovery for an overview of this topic which is covered in the early chapters.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "gir4ko", "comment_id": "fqh5bo8"}, {"question": "Should I Forgive her, and how do I?", "description": "So here goes nothing. I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years and just recently about 3 months ago we had our child. We have plans on getting married and the whole nine, but recently she admitted she cheated on me once. Let me explain. During the beginning of her pregnancy she was actually extremely mad at me because of it. Even to the extent to where she broke up with me for roughly 2 months, now during those 2 months she was completely avoiding me and telling me we were never getting back together. For some reason I had a feeling that during that time she was seeing someone. And she was, she admitted to me she \"made out\" with the guy and they saw each other frequently during this time. She said they only \"made out\" once ,but once they left one another he would kiss her on the cheek. She tells me she feeling like the worst mother and person in existence because of it, she says it wasn't her, she did it because she came out pregnant and to extent was trying to forget it all. I told her I forgive her, but sometimes I think about it and it infuriates me and kills me, during the time she was doing that I was trying to find ways to win her back and was actually buying a engagement ring. She did tell me she stopped it as soon as she became sane and she says she thinks about it constantly and regrets it all with ever inch of her. And she swore on her life she would never do anything remotely close to that ever again. But it still haunts me, trying to forget what she's done.  I want to believe her, I want to be with her because she does make me happy and she is a very important person in my life, and she's the mother of my daughter. But I don't know how to deal with the constant image and what If she isn't telling me the whole story. (The child is 100% mine)", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67me1k", "comment_id": "dgrp6q6"}, {"question": "Anyone overcame BPD?", "description": "Hey. Idk how much more I can take this agony of emptiness. I feel dead. Like nothing I do has meaning. I feel depersonalized. Has anyone overcame this?", "answer": "Every day that i can. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5rcov3", "comment_id": "dd68avv"}, {"question": "58 days, Is it possible that I did permanent damage?", "description": "Before I start, I apologize for the long post, but I hope people take the time to read because I'm starting to freak out. \n\nI've posted two times now about my recovery process..once when I was 2 weeks clean and when I was 45 days clean. I'm now just about at 2 months sober, but I feel like my brain has had such minor recovery.\n \nI'm currently 21 years old (just about 22)and started smoking when I was 16. I didn't start using daily until I was 17 & 1/2. I can remember that one day during my senior year of high school, (during my smoking consistently every day period) where I chose not to smoke in the morning, however I felt as if I was kind of high. My brain wasn't functioning normally and it almost seemed as if I was experiencing the mental effects of being high, but not the feelings of being high. \n\nI talked to my friend about how I didn't feel right and he told me how you can feel foggy for a couple weeks after smoking. It was strange though because I had been smoking for a year, (only on the weekends) but didn't feel the negative after effects until I started using daily. \n\nI then continued smoking practically eeevery day for the next 4 years..and now I'm here..2 months clean with the sense that I'm never going to feel 100% because I started daily use at such a young age and that some connections in my brain are irrepairable. \n\nI don't know how to describe it other than feeling overall less intelligent. My night vision seems worse, my senses are dulled, my brain just feels like it's running at half speed. \n\nI think the thing that worries me the most is that I have no withdrawal symptoms other than feeling like a dumbass. Do other people feel this way? I've brought this up to my friends who I would smoke with all the time and they say that they don't feel any different and that it's all in my head. On the contrary though, I KNOW that it's not all in my head based on my comprehension of every day life. \n\nI just can't live with the thought that I permanently damaged my brain from personal decisions and that I will never be the same person again. How could I have been such an idiot. Will I ever have my old brain back??? Most people seem to be feeling better as time goes on, meanwhile I'm worrying more and more. \n\nSorry for the long post guys, I'm just looking for some truth and maybe similar experiences. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "Around 60 days I felt like the \"fog\" lifted, this was after smoking multiple times daily for approximately 2 years. It takes time. If you're concerned I suggest visiting the doctor. Otherwise find some other things to occupy your time and attention and exercise your brain as other commenters suggested... The more you worry the larger the problem will start to seem. Give yourself something enjoyable to focus on instead.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "66beim", "comment_id": "dgh99wz"}, {"question": "Looking to start therapy, have a few questions on what I should look for", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Therapists and psychologists are pretty similar and can both work with you\u2019re difficulties. If you are interested in sex therapy AASECT is the organization that certifies sex therapists. You can search on there for one in your area. A good book that I would recommend is \u201ccome as you are\u201d by Emily Nagoski. She also has some great videos and Ted talks.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "evqwme", "comment_id": "ffxfwrx"}, {"question": "[34/M] looking for advice about wife [29/F]. No abuse, no cheating, nothing wrong but just not great.", "description": "Obvious throw away account but I really need to ask some advice and I can't reach out to friends (most are mutual and the others are guys who aren't really the kind I can ask this about) or family (not close, not helpful).\n\nI am 34M and I really dont know what to do about my relationship with my common-law wife 29F.  Our relationship is fine; no one is cheating, no one is abusive, no one is even neglectful. We have been together going on 7 years, we were best friends before we started dating and we still are.  But for the last little while (12-18 months), I just feel like that's all we are, if that. I care about her and I love her but I just dont know if I am in love with her anymore.  \nWe do not have alot of the same interests; TV shows, movies, books, hobbies etc.  We do not talk alot anymore; not that we ignore each other or do not spend time together, we just do not seem to have anything interesting or engaging to say to each other. We are still attracted to each other and have sex fairly regularly but it doesn't have the same \"pop\" it did.  \nWe dont have kids; though we do have pets.  We dont own anything together (except a car) and dont really have any debt. \nIt would be painful but not extremely hard (finanically or legally) to get out of the relationship.  But I am not sure what to do. \nIs this just normal? Do all relationships just become routine and bland with time? I am just suffering from \"grass is greener\" syndrome? \nI have tried to talk to her about this but I dont even know how to explain it to her.  \"Sorry honey, I love you but I find you boring?\" \nAny help?", "answer": "i think you just have to be pro-active about doing new things and sharing new experiences. you prob. fell in love while you were doing fun activities. hopefully that formula works again.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "650rw5", "comment_id": "dg6m8q1"}, {"question": "Do you think mental illness is romanticized?", "description": "In my opinion, people, including me, romanticize their own mental illness to help themselves cope with it. I\u2019m in a master\u2019s level mental health degree program and my professor put an image up today that stated \u201cit\u2019s hard to let go of the demons inside you because they were holding you when nobody else did.\u201d And he asked us all what we thought of it. \n\nI raised my hand and stated that I believed this was a romanticized view of mental illness. I think that we romanticize  as a way to cope with what\u2019s going on. Because in reality, our mental illness, our \u201cdemon\u201d is not helping us in any way. But sometimes we take on our mental health as our identity because it\u2019s comforting to us and it\u2019s what we know. It can be scary to break into a normal or healthy state of mind. \n\nWell, when I stated this, a classmate became angry and felt like I was invalidating her experience, as she had self harmed when she was younger and identified with the quote. \n\nNow I\u2019m confused because I\u2019ve had my own share of mental health concerns and I didn\u2019t mean to invalidate anyone. But I do believe mental health concerns are romanticized when there\u2019s nothing romantic or sweet about them. Opinions?", "answer": "As a therapist I would say yes.  It is definitely romanticized especially for younger folks.  A few reasons I think this happens is when musicians/artists/celebrities etc. begin to open up about their mental illness.  Many individuals both young and old believe that mental illness is a precursor or necessary for creativity to the point they wish for or look to experience mental illness so that they can be like their role models.  In reality, those artists/musicians/etc would be creative regardless and would trade away their mental illness in a heart beat because it hinders their ability to create.  \n\n\nAnother aspect of it is that whether you legitimately have a diagnosable mental illness or just believe that you do, it makes you feel special, like part of an exclusive club.  For folks who are struggling developing their sense of identity, this is something folks are drawn to.  I remember once working with a teenage client who had their diagnosis tattooed on them.  I didn't have the heart to tell them that diagnoses change regularly and I was fairly certain the diagnosis tattooed on her wasn't even correct.  \n\nAs far as the quote goes, it does make sense in the way that some people are more comfortable with the uncomfortable situation they know than one that is unfamiliar.  It  does also seem to continue to romanticize mental illness which I think does a disservice to those who struggle by minimizing it to some extent.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9jjbb2", "comment_id": "e6slz01"}, {"question": "How best to be sensitive to friend who hears voices", "description": "I'm making a new friend, and she's had to leave school on account of hearing voices and panic attacks in crowds, as well as fainting  and feeling judged. I ask because this is somewhat new so I'm not entirely clear on how it works, and she's been more or less fine every time I've seen her; besides sympathy is there anything else I should be doing/bear in mind?\nI'm not the most mentally healthy person I know, so it's not as though my perspective on what helps is entirely that of an outsiders That said, I don't experience any of these things in particular.\n", "answer": "The answers to those questions probably depend on your friend. I'd say, ask you're friend how they want you to address that issue. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "219mwi", "comment_id": "cgcwxxx"}, {"question": "DAE play YouTube videos in the background so they don\u2019t feel so alone?", "description": "When I\u2019m alone at home doing homework or chores around the house, I always have YouTube videos or podcasts playing in the background because it makes me feel less lonely. \n\nDoes anyone else do this or am I just weird? Lol.", "answer": "... Yes. I feel guilty about it too for some reason", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bdack7", "comment_id": "ekypz6l"}, {"question": "I am 22 and snapchatting this 15 year old Irish girl overseas...is this wrong?", "description": "She is really attractive and I am not doing anything sexual or asing for anything sexual. ", "answer": "you don't want to lead her on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmzh2", "comment_id": "dbp3upm"}, {"question": "ADHD meds with anti-anxieties/anti-depressants?", "description": "Weird question. \n\nI\u2019m a 22F with anxiety, depression, PTSD, combined presentation ADHD. My ADHD is 99th percentile per the DSM-IV, so medication has been recommended. Weight is 125 pounds, height is 5\u20194.\n\nI\u2019m on 150 mg Zoloft, 150 mg Welbutrin (it helped with the sleepiness i got from my Zoloft just a bit)\n\nI know SSRIs and ADHD meds can be problematic. Are there any ADHD meds specifically that are made for this purpose or ones that have a decreased likelihood of negative interactions?", "answer": "There is no problem combining stimulants and SSRIs (and Wellbutrin), and that combination is common. Wellbutrin is also used for ADHD, but it's less effective overall than stimulants.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ez98sg", "comment_id": "fglz0cn"}, {"question": "Can I hold a bag of weed and not use any of it? Pass up a spliff doing the rounds? Yes I can \ud83d\ude0e I believe I just leveled up.", "description": "Day 23 here and today I took possession of a bag of weed for my brother in law who lives with me and helps out on my farm. It is a thank you gift as he enjoys his smoke and it isn't a problem for him. \nI sat with him whilst he had a smoke, I could smell it, I could almost taste it .... And yet I'm ok. \n\nI can do this. I wasn't sure how it would be but it's ok ... I don't want to smoke weed anymore. The addict in me does but my voice is louder. I feel like today is a breakthrough. I've been tested and I've scored gold \ud83d\ude01", "answer": "If you have a bunch of levels already it's a win. With less than a year of sober actions and risk catching, this sounds massively misguided and really scary. Each person's sobriety is their own thing but this smells just like the addiction trying to convince you it's gone. \n\nRelapse usually comes on the back of three conditions which means proximity/access alone is never the problem by itself. \n\nCongratulations because each win is a win but this set off my Spidey Sense. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b7bo3o", "comment_id": "ejrowp5"}, {"question": "What are the steps to becoming a therapist?", "description": "I'm looking to retrain as a therapist - I'm 27! - and COVID19 has put my current job at threat.The end-goal is to practice in the private sector as a compassion-focused therapist. What are the steps to get me there? \n\nUndergrad degree, then a MA/Diploma in the chosen methodology? Is there a different way to get to this? \n\nAny advice will be so SO helpful xx", "answer": "If you have not completed an undergraduate degree, yup, that's a good place to start! Psychology is a particularly good major option, but there are other totally fine choices such as Human Services or Social Work. \n\nTypically, to be a competitive grad school applicant for a licensable Master's degree, you would want some sort of experience in a helping role with a vulnerable population. This could be work, volunteering, or internships. \n\nThen, you would apply to graduate school. Commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling, MFT, and Social Work. These will usually be about two years.\n\nAfter that, you will need to meet your state's licensure standards, which means, among other things, practicing under someone else's license and getting supervision for your therapy work. The exact amount of time to get licensed will vary by degree path, specific licensure, and state.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hbe73l", "comment_id": "fvafc8w"}, {"question": "Allergic to people I date or have sex with", "description": "​\n\n* Age - 24\n* Sex - Female\n* Height - 170cm\n* Weight - 80kg\n* Race - Caucasian\n* Duration of complaint - 2 years on and off, depends if I am dating someone\n* Location - All over my body, mainly face. Currently in Finland\n* Any existing relevant medical issues - No\n* Current medications - None\n\nRelevant photos:\n\nThis is how my skin would get after being with someone for two weeks in a row.\n\nIn the first one, you see my skin is red all over, and it felt like a reptiles skin. It was very painful all over and **no** **lotion, steroid cream, tacrolimus cream or steroids would make it better.** (It's my upper body only wearing a bra, possibly NSFW)\n\n[https://imgur.com/yunTpTM](https://imgur.com/yunTpTM)\n\nThe second one is of my arm a couple weeks after the first photo, where it just starts to look like eczema.\n\n[https://imgur.com/pzxKRkt](https://imgur.com/pzxKRkt)\n\n​\n\n**How it started**\n\nSo, this first started 2 years ago, when I got into a relationship with a guy and started getting weird allergic symptoms. When ever I would spend time with him, my eyes would get super itchy and it felt like something was in my eye all the time. I would also get a rash all over my body, which could not be stopped with lotions or allergy meds. I sometimes felt that maybe allergy meds would make it more bearable, but I am not sure if it was just placebo effect.\n\nSoon we realised he was causing the symptoms and I thought it was some substance he used that would make me react this way. However we tested it, by him using anti dandruff shampoo all over his body for a week before seeing me, not using deodorants and me giving him my clothes when he came to my place, in case it would be laundry detergent. None of this made any difference. We had to end it, because he didn't want to see me suffer.\n\n​\n\n**Right now**\n\nThe first case was about 1,5 years ago and after that I have seen about 20 men (didn't sleep or have sex with all of them) and basically all of them have given me all sorts of symptoms. It could happen only after 1 night of being with someone. The first symptom I get nowadays is usually just itchy eyes and lips, and about three times I have gotten an **allergic shock reaction** on my face. Meaning my face is bloated and I can't open my eyes properly, but there is no problem with my breathing.  Also the area above my lips would get very itchy and start **producing pus**. It takes about two weeks to heal from that. I am right now recovering from a bloated face and somewhat itchy skin, because I slept with a guy for two nights a week ago.\n\n​\n\n**What the doctors have tried**\n\nI've also been to hospitals due to this, I was checked into the dermatology and allergy hospital of Finland for two years, where we were testing different lotions on me, none of them made a big difference. Doctors suspected sperm allergy, but sperm doesn't give me any symptoms. They also did the **prick** and **epicutaneous** tests on me, but I was only found allergic to nickel. They also put me to a **UV light treatment**, which supposedly helped, but I wasn't seeing anyone during that time. I went to a dermatology hospital in France, where I have been living on and off for the past two years as well. My face was bloated again and the doctor only prescribed some lotions and said it was just eczema. The doctors in Finland also came to the conclusion that it was just eczema, that sometimes flares up due to stress. But me, I see a clear correlation between being with men and the symptoms, the doctors just won't believe it.\n\n​\n\n**My own thoughts**\n\nI have read that it is possible to be allergic to another person's proteins, but it's very rare and I don't think that is my case, because it comes from basically every man. I've also later on went on two trips with the guy, from whom I got the symptoms first two years ago. We've slept on the same bed and I've had sex with him maybe twice, however I no longer get symptoms from him. Despite this, neither on of us wants get into a relationship again. This has made me suspect that there might be something wrong with my hormones. Also because there was one guy, who I was not interested in at all, but had sex with him and slept in the same bed for a month or so, and got virtually no symptoms.\n\n​\n\nSo yes, during this time I have become quite depressed, cause I don't know what this is, what to do or how to relieve the pain. The only choice for me has been just to endure it and live with the fact that I probably can never be in a relationship again. So if anyone would have any idea what it might be, any hint is welcome.", "answer": "A lot of people are posting inappropriately here. No shaming. No insulting. Nothing.\n\nAny further comments that are out of line will lead to bans.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ba4ddb", "comment_id": "ekaabus"}, {"question": "How to help someone who\u2019s completely given up.", "description": "My boyfriend of 5 years has been on the decline for the last 4 1/2 years. Both due to his past and a sudden sickness that took away his ability to eat his favorite foods, he\u2019s an insomniac and never has energy. He just wanted to die, he hates who he is I feel like I do try really hard to make his life better by coming up with good food, were together all the time. He doesn\u2019t really have other friends, WILL NOT see a therapist I have asked many times. I\u2019ve tried to offer or suggest things to do but he\u2019s so closed off. Idk what to do... any tips to help break this cycle?\n\nAs a side question does electric shock therapy work? I\u2019ve done some reading and was hoping he could try it, tho I think they force you to go to therapy.", "answer": "Depression is so hard ! It just sucks the motivation out of people.  Even if he wants to get better , he may feel helpless and hopeless , which makes it even harder .\n\nYou mentioned a physical illness . Is that being managed? Is his doctor aware that he is this depressed? I have no idea what his health condition it, but it would important to rule out a health condition or medication that could be impacting his mood. \n\n\nWould he be willing to talk to someone online? It may feel less intimidating.  Perhaps you can make an agreement that if he attends X sessions , you will lay off a little bit .\n\nRe ECT , it is not an option right now if he has not first tried therapy and frontline med options.  The long-term side effects are really intense.\n\nHe is lucky to have you ! Supporting and loving a partner through depression is hard work.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fpon4i", "comment_id": "flmelgt"}, {"question": "Happy Valentine\u2019s Day to me - 6 months sober today \ud83d\udc95", "description": "From drinking every day for years to half a year not drinking at all!!! It\u2019s insane to me that I\u2019ve made it 6 months and I\u2019m so proud. I couldn\u2019t have made it without /r/stopdrinking and I\u2019m extremely grateful. \ud83d\udc95\n\nI don\u2019t think I realised how bad I was until I quit. I was regularly drinking multiple bottles of wine or blasting through spirits and thinking nothing of it. Hiding it from others, stealing booze, topping up bottles with water, the list goes on. I was always hungover and although I considered myself functioning, now I know I was operating at 60% capacity at best. Alcohol sucks the life from you and it never made me happy, not in the long term. \n\nQuitting is the best thing I\u2019ve ever done!!! If any of you are on the fence about stopping, trust me, it feels amazing. Life is sooo much easier. There\u2019s so much more time, energy and drive! \n\n~\n\nHere are some changes I\u2019ve noticed directly stem from sobriety: \n\n- I am content. Even happy. My depression has abated and my anxiety has improved\n- Increased clarity, ambition, direction and focus\n- My blood pressure\u2019s improved loads\n\n- More consistent with my skincare routine, brushing my teeth at night, etc \n- Finances improved, am hitting my savings goal\n\n~\n\nAnd some indirect positive changes. These are things I might have done while still drinking, but I don\u2019t think I would be doing them so well: \n\n- Finally started my driving lessons and working on getting my license (I\u2019m 24 so it\u2019s about damn time)\n\n- Applied for PhD programmes and have two interviews coming up - yay!!!\n\n- Generally doing really well at university and at work \n\n- I do more exercise, and generally eat better / am healthier\n\n\n~\n\nThe things that suck are that my parents are still heavy drinkers. It\u2019s painful to watch especially when you are doing so much better and wish they had the same. \n\n~\n\nAlso, my cravings aren\u2019t bad at all now. Occasionally I\u2019ll get one but it\u2019s usually because I\u2019m hungry or thirsty and those are easy to fix. Thinking about drinking makes me feel physically sick now, and really anxious. Sometimes I think I might start again or try things here and there but I take it one day at a time and that\u2019s all you can do. I also don\u2019t feel out of place at drinking occasions now. I\u2019m fine with my mocktail, or I leave early, or just don\u2019t go if I don\u2019t wanna, lol. I put myself first \ud83d\ude4c\ud83c\udffc\n\nMy next goal is a year! This has almost turned into a personal challenge, and I enjoy that, plus it\u2019s a good thing to tell people to get them off your back. \n\nThank you everyone and happy Valentine\u2019s Day to you all \ud83d\udc95\ud83c\udf38", "answer": " Congrats on the PhD interviews. IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "aqk1hg", "comment_id": "egif28g"}, {"question": "Newly diagnosed, feeling overwhelmed.", "description": "For the first time in my adult life, I was able to simultaneously hold down a job with insurance and find the wherewithal to see a shrink and be honest with him.  He said PTSD before the first hour was up.\n\nI've had these problems, the anxiety, the memory loss, the insomnia, the depression, the shitty impluse control, for the last 14 years.  It was an amazing experience, at first, to have a diagnosis and to be able to stop blaming myself for these problems, but now I'm just feeling like there is too much work ahead.\n\nTo those recovering; how did you get there?  Do things really get better?  Will I be able one day to sleep an entire night? Live without fear of panic attacks? Remember where I put my fucking keys?  Stop hurting those who love me by forgetting what I said, or lying to cover my tracks?\n\nRight now it just seems like one session a week is laughably inadequate to deal with 14 years of maladaptive behavior.  I need a little hope. ", "answer": "Hey, you've taken the first step, which is an excellent sign.  Now you know what you're dealing with, and you can start the healing process.  Have a little faith in your psychologist, but more importantly, have a lot of faith in yourself.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29c3ia", "comment_id": "cijspwt"}, {"question": "Why I think antidepressants are bad", "description": "First off, I realise that some people who think that antidepressant are good might feel that this post would be harmful (should anyone take it seriously), but I believe that antidepressants are harmful, and I have some experience with depression and antidepressants. Admittedly I am just one person and I'm sure there are plenty of large scale scientific studies support ADs, but I want to share my personal experience.\n\n.\n\nMy experience with depression has led me to believe that, most of the time, depression is causal; from your situation, rather than there being something wrong with your brain. This isn't just based on my own experience. I think most people who suffer from depression don't openly talk about it (not because they fear stigmatisation but because they don't want people's pity) but when I started discussing ADs with my friends, I was so surprised how many people said \"Oh, yeah. I was on those. Were you on SSRIs?\". When I asked these people about it more, it was almost always because of a break up or a bereavement or some other issue they had (e.g. body image issues). In my case, it was a lack of agency. When I left school and got a job, my depression faded. It's not gone. It's a part of my personality. But it doesn't ruin my life anymore. It is now even perhaps a source of strength. I feel like I have developed coping mechanisms that help me deal with shit that \"healthy\" people who haven't been through the same hell, lack. I still have to stay on my toes, but I don't embrace depression like I used to.\n\n.\n\nWhen I was severely depressed, and I realised that drinking half a bottle of whiskey everyday, wasn't a great idea, I went to the doctor. I got the 10 point questionnaire and was diagnosed and given a prescription within 15 minutes. I took ADs for a short amount of time (some months, I can't remember exactly). I will admit that I went into it incredibly skeptical, and I was thinking about the placebo effect often. Now while I will admit that this skepticism could have caused a negative placebo effect, what occurred to me was that all the side effects that the drugs had, might be crucial to the placebo effect (assuming, with my skepticism, that the drugs have no real therapeutic effect). I have read that sugar pills that I really big or brightly coloured have a much greater placebo effect. I think that the dry mouth, low energy, and lowered libido give the sufferer evidence that the pills are doing something, even if the only real effects are negative. I wanted to give the drugs a good shot, despite my skepticism I was desperate, so I stopped drinking when I started taking them. This is something good that came out of it, even though it didn't help my depression, but I think that I could (or should) have been able to give up drinking on my own or by some other method that wasn't potentially dangerous. I still drink now, but I don't have spirits in my house, and I will sometimes go days without drinking.\n\n.\n\nThat's the anecdotal part, but I also have some philosophical insights. Something that kept running through my head when I was depressed was that I was 'broken'. I think that taking ADs only goes to serve this cognitive misappropriation. While medicalising something that is so painful and so all consuming is simple and comforting, I don't think that it solves the problem and could even make it worse. While there are definitely some medical conditions that cause depression as a symptom. Depression itself isn't a disease, in the same way that alcoholism isn't a disease. If you look at the amount of people who are diagnosed with depression (I don't have the exact numbers on me, but we both know that it's shitloads), what are the chances that a figure like that is accurate? And it is a figure that keeps rising, even with the increased use of the drugs that are supposed to stop it. If you are in that group, consider the possibility that, in this case, the medical consensus might be wrong. You are not broken.\n\n.\n\nNow I know how palpable the pain and fear are when you are depressed. But when you are cut, it isn't a disease, but it really does hurt. The pain is real. And the pain of depression is just as real, and perhaps worse. But the source of the pain; is a cause. The cut might be from a thorn, and the depression might be some trauma or some kind of affection you were deprived of, but it will heal. Of course, first you must remove the thorn, and this is alot simpler in the physical world. However, if you agree with me that depression is causal, and the cause is some shitty aspect of your life, you don't necessarily have to take any actions at all. I think that positive action is good, but you can also change your perceptions of things, with no effort whatsoever. You can decide to stop being afraid, or at least take the first step and decide that you don't want to be afraid anymore. You can decide to get up and walk around the block... just once. You can decide to help someone.\n\n.\n\nWhen you recognise that your depression is causal, and not because your brain is broken, I think you will feel a significant sense of power over your destiny. You will deal with the bereavement. You will get over that break up. And if you just have a shitty job, then at least you know that the problem is that you need a more fulfilling job. Even if you can't leave that job because of your responsibilities, at least you know that there isn't anything wrong with you. Anyone with your intellect would be depressed in that shitty job. Either change it, or change your perception of it. The challenge is identifying the cause, which isn't always apparent.\nI do have some thoughts on why depression is getting more prevalent is today's civilised society but I realise that this is already way too much text and that few people will read it.\n\n.\n\nEdit - Paragraphs.", "answer": "While I agree that sometimes depression is due to external factors, that is not always the case. Sometimes it really is due to an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, and often medicine is the only way for people to be able to function in any way approaching normal. But, these drugs should be taken in conjunction with therapy, which tends to be equally effective without medication. It's all about finding what works for you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xi641", "comment_id": "cfbox14"}, {"question": "I think the therapist I planned to work with ghosted me - what do I do?", "description": "A few months ago I was shopping around for a therapist when I met with one that I connected with and was very excited to work with. Unfortunately some financial issues came up so I let her know that I wouldn't be able to start as soon as I'd like however I'd reach out as soon as I'm in a good place financially. Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I reached out to let her know that I'm ready if she has any openings. She sent me her availability, I confirmed the date I was available, and I haven't heard from her since. I even followed up again a few days ago to no response. I'm so bummed because I have been so eager to start this work and finally get the support I need. Wondering if I should give her the benefit of the doubt especially with everything else going on in the world right now and continue waiting for a response or if I should let it go and find a new therapist.\n\nEDIT added clarification", "answer": "I agree with the idea of giving her the benefit of the doubt AND staying open to other therapists .\n\nEveryone I know is slammed right now.  People are seeking therapy like never before,  and adjusting to the new demands of telehealth is a big adjustment.  Even those who use it regularly are struggling to keep up with the new demand .\n\nMany therapists are also struggling with other stressors.  Closed schools and daycares,  partners unable to work , etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "firdkm", "comment_id": "fkkxhn5"}, {"question": "Bipolar mood stabilizers quickly lose effectiveness", "description": "I'm 27 years old, 4'11\", 97 lb, F, non\\-smoker, no recreational drugs, daily medications: lamotrigine, latuda, carbamazepine, lithium \\(recently discontinued\\), diagnosis: bipolar disorder \\(somewhere between I and II\\).\n\nThere doesn't seem to be an Ask Psychiatry, so I'm posting here \\(feel free to let me know otherwise\\). I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but for the past three years we have been struggling with finding an effective mood stabilizer \\(a situation that is not uncommon, I realize\\). What seems to happen is that a mood stabilizer will work great for a month or two, but then I will relapse. The nature of my episodes seem to change as each year passes but it is difficult to tell if that is its natural course or if that's due to the many medication changes that have occurred. Together, they serve to deaden the symptoms, but every year I relapse to the degree that I become nonfunctional. As a result, every year we have to try a new mood stabilizer or increase dosages. Is it usual to have a mood stabilizer work only for a month, then become much less effective? I've tried three mood stabilizers and one antipsychotic \\(Latuda\\) so far. ", "answer": "Mood stabilizers aren't perfect. Often that means that they're effective when decreasing the frequency and sometimes severity of mood episodes, not getting rid of them entirely.\n\nWhen you say they work for a month, then become less effective, what do you mean? What happens?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8olwem", "comment_id": "e04hm3a"}, {"question": "coming off meds", "description": "i am male 38yrs old,  height 6'0\" i weigh 260lbs idon't smoke... i have been diagnosed bi-polar, PTSD, and general anxiety disorder. possibly BPD as well.  i am trying to come off of my meds because i feel like crap all the time, i am basically a zombie.\n\n​\n\nI've taken lots of different meds, some worked better than others but ultimately failed. I'm currently on lithium, keppra, seroquel and (klonopin as needed). i always feel like crap and my thoughts were to taper off and keep seroquel and/or klonopin as emergency pills... the rest of the pills eventually id like to be done with. my replacement would be exercise and diet. is this a bad idea? i mean, even while i was on depakote a while back, i almost took my own life so, how bad can it really get?  i am tired of meds. also, these meds I'm taking are fairly new... within 3 months so, it shouldn't be a difficult withdraw. any thoughts on this... if i left out info I'm sorry and would respond ASAP. thank you in advance.", "answer": "It sounds like your condition is pretty serious. I, nor anyone else on the internet, can advise you to change your medication regimine, nor can anyone predict the outcome of doing so.\n\nI strongly encourage that you discuss your concerns with your doctor. Even with a slow taper, you may experience some pretty serious consequences. \n\nTapering off meds should always be done under the supervision and guidance of a physician/provider.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bkxxtz", "comment_id": "emkga6d"}, {"question": "I know my BPD caused my fianc\u00e9 to commit suicide", "description": "Everyone tells me it wasn\u2019t my fault. Sure, I didn\u2019t pull the trigger but no one knows what really went on inside of the relationship. We were so in love, soul mates. I tried to commit suicide last year and that\u2019s when I was diagnosed with BPD on top of depression and anxiety. I would go crazy over the smallest things. I\u2019m so embarrassed how I acted, I mean outbursts like trying to slit my throat and arms in front of him. I\u2019ve ran out of the house barefoot before, had cops called on me, and he was even arrested once. I was so attached to him, I wanted him to stay home 24/7 so he could never see his friends. We fought a lot about that one. He told me he would never leave me because he knew I felt abandoned and he loved me beyond my problems. He told me I was his only reason to live. I started spiraling down big time the month leading up to his death. We fought all the time because I was incredibly controlling and wouldn\u2019t let him leave the house. So we decided to go on a break, but this time was different because he actually changed his relationship status to single on FB. He came home that night and he was drunk and crying saying he loved me so much and I sat on his chest and wiped his tears away telling him it will all be okay. I asked if he wanted dinner as I walked to the kitchen. He declined and changed and said he was running to the gas station real quick. He said he\u2019d be back.. but he never came home. I got the call two hours later that he had shot himself. The person he called on the way to do it told me his last words were he loved me and he didn\u2019t understand why we couldn\u2019t get along.\n\nI can\u2019t explain the way I feel, but if you too have BPD, maybe you will see where I am coming from, no one else does.. \u201cit will get better\u201d they say but are you kidding I\u2019m going to think about this every day for the rest of my miserable life.\n\nMy entire world feels shattered. I\u2019m literally losing my mind. I was too attached or maybe too in love because I don\u2019t know who I am anymore", "answer": "Suicide is always a personal choice someone makes to deal with something they don't feel empowered to solve. There are a lot of supports out there he could have utilized. There's always the thought of \"I could have done something different\" but really there's plenty he could have done differently, not you.\n\nAside from that, that's terrible and I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you are seeking the support you need", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9te769", "comment_id": "e8vophs"}, {"question": "Exploding head syndrome", "description": "​\n\n* Age - 24\n* Sex - M\n* Height - 176cm\n* Weight - 76Kg\n* Duration of complaint - About a month\n* Location (Geographic and on body) - India\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - Possibly DPDR\n* Current medications (if any) - None\n\nHi,\n\nRight before when I fall asleep I hear voices which are loud and involuntary, not always but have occurred many times. It's not continuous, just a single comment or something. It's scary and wakes me up. For example, some scenario is running in my head and I'm half conscious and I'm about to give a reaction( let' say \"wow!\"), but then before I say it, the voice pops and says it out aloud and it wakes me up. It almost feels like someone else is in my head and watching the exact same thing as I am and just gave up his reaction earlier than me. The voice, when it all began sounded like somebody else's but now it sounds like my voice, as if in a recorded audio. Also, I have been seeing ghosts in my dreams more often these days, with a common theme, as if they are trying to suck away my soul or possess me. When I add 1 + 1 it scares the hell out of me. I was recently on Veniz XR 75 and I while I do think it's somehow withdrawal symptoms, but it started when I didn't even completely withdrew only  reduced the dosage from 75 from 37.5. Please tell me I'm not going schizo.", "answer": "Unusual experiences when falling asleep are fairly common and normal, and hearing voices is one of the most common forms of hypnagogic hallucination. No kind of dream is particularly associated with any problem except certain kinds of nightmares with PTSD. Exploding head syndrome is a particular hypnagogic hallucination (probably; it's not well understood) that happens to have a strikingly strange, but not very descriptive, name.\n\nThis could be due to the reduction in Veniz (venlafaxine) dose, but it also could be unrelated. In any case, nothing you're describing sounds concerning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbek7r", "comment_id": "ekic5bt"}, {"question": "The NIH says \"People are most contagious for the first 2 to 3 days of a cold.\" They also say \"Cold symptoms usually start about 2 or 3 days after you came in contact with the virus\". Are you most contagious 2 to 3 days after contact, or after symptoms?", "description": "Source: https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000678.htm", "answer": "After contact I think, which can mean that you might be asymptomatic when contagious. Otherwise it could be argued that the common cold can be contained with reasonable precautions rather than being the global killer it is.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5pjdv8", "comment_id": "dcrku32"}, {"question": "Could gabapentin possibly be helping my underlying/un-diagnosed depression/anxiety?", "description": "I am x-posting this from r/antidepressants. I hope this subreddit is appropriate for a question like this. I would just like to know medically if what I'm experiencing could be related to gabapentin.\n\nedit: 24/f, 5''0, 160 lbs, non smoker very very minimal drinking.\n\nthe post (edited):\n\nThe last few years I have been very badly down. My highs are okay and my lows are unbelievably bad. I have a very intense financial situation and a lot of things have gone wrong in the last few months. It made me stress several times a week/per month and i would get so anxious and start spiraling over little things. I have not gone to a doctor because I don't know how to bring up the bad feelings with my primary. He is kinda scary. Plus the appointments are always at least a week after really bad episodes and I just don't feel like seeking help anymore at that point.\n\nRecently I decided to take 4:45 am shifts at work so I asked my mom if she had anything to help me sleep, and she did...300mgs gabapentin. I know you're not supposed to take other people's prescriptions so I looked it up to see if there was anything that screamed for me not to take this drug. It seemed okay. I didn't know what it was or what it was for before i started taking it 2 nights ago, just that it would knock you cold within an hour of being taken. I planned to take it for 2 or 3 nights to switch my schedule to early early mornings. It knocked me out pretty good.\n\nToday and yesterday I've had a surge of energy and motivation like I've never had before. I bought two journals to do some self-education over the summer and have some fun being creative. I've been craving productivity, and even my friend has noticed I'm more 'upitty'. The weirdest thing is how often i'm *laughing.* I'll laugh at my own jokes or sense of humor so much harder than I have, I'll find videos that would have previously extort a smile from me to instead invoke actual laughter out loud, by myself. I can't remember the last time I found something that funny. The most important thing though, is despite how bad everything is, I feel okay. Like I feel like I'm gonna get through it. I had not attributed the feeling of goodness to the drug yet...I think it's just a possibility. I stopped using depo provera around 9 months ago and It could be because I'm off birth control that I feel better. My mom has been less stressed about work so she has not come to me as often when she is stressed (in turn, giving me less to stress about) If this drug could be doing something for me, I want to know if it's something I should consider talking to my doctor about. If it's unlikely, then I'll just ride everything out for a little bit. I will stop taking the drug once I have solidified my sleep schedule.\n\nPlease let me know your thoughts. Thank you!", "answer": "Gabapentin is used off-label for anxiety, and I have seen it work very well for some people. I haven't seen or heard of it used for depression, although it sees a little bit of use for bipolar disorder. Could it be helping? It's conceivable; it also makes sense that if your anxiety messes with your mood and your anxiety is improved them overall you're able to feel better about things. No, you shouldn't take someone else's medication, but having done so it's reasonable to take that information to your doctor to see what can be done with it.\n\nIf your primary doctor is scary and you can't talk to him then there's at least a little bit of a problem. That's one anxiety that hopefully is better so that you can let him know what's going on and hopefully get helpful input.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "971b9u", "comment_id": "e44uxpy"}, {"question": "Prescribed Kolonopin. Have I messed up? Taken too much over time? Scared of withdrawals", "description": "** as mentioned below I have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24. Just looking for some advice/comfort here to help me last until then **\n\nSo on 4/5/18 I was prescribed .5mg of Clonazepam (Kolonopin) twice daily as needed. \n\nI took half of a dose the first day, Thursday (so .25mg)\n1 pill on Friday (.5mg) (4/5)\n1 pill on Saturday (4/6)\n1 pill on Sunday (4/7)\n1 pill on Monday (4/8)\nNone on Tuesday (4/9)\n1 pill on Wednesday (4/10)\nAnd then none until tonight, 4/16. I took half (.25)\n\n(Sunday - Tuesday is hard to remember though, but counting my pills I have 54 left and I started with 60)\n\nStupidly, I deceived to research how habit forming and addictive these can be and it\u2019s starting up my anxiety again. I didn\u2019t realize the long half life can actually make you more dependent and addicted. \n\nI\u2019m now worried I\u2019ve taken too many and I\u2019m scared I\u2019m gonna experience withdrawal symptoms. I don\u2019t plan on taking one tomorrow, but I\u2019m worried about what is going to happen. \n\nI have been prescribed benzos before (about 8 years ago) and used them very sparingly - they wound up expiring. That\u2019s how little I took them. \n\nI\u2019m worried that me taking 6 in 12 days (some consecutively) of this benzo has / will negatively effect me. \n\nIf your experience have I over done it?? Will I experience those scary withdrawal symptoms?\n\nI do have an appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24 so I just have to hold off until then, but just to hold me over for the week I\u2019m looking for some comfort before my anxiety sky rockets causing me to want to take another (but I won\u2019t) \n\n", "answer": "It's extremely, extremely unlikely that you're going to go through withdrawal from taking a low dose less than daily on average for less than two weeks.\n\nYou'll be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8csxo2", "comment_id": "dxhm1bm"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Gratitude is a beautiful thing! I remember realizing that I actually had more paper towels to use after I ran out, or even had paper towels to begin with. When I was at my worst, spending money on paper towels was not even on the radar. Crazy, but thinking about this small thing really gave me perspective on how much I had changed.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "c1qmv7", "comment_id": "erfljvf"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Follow what your doctor says, if you don't feel well, call your doctor and talk to them. Your doctor knows you better than we do. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "83ngdf", "comment_id": "dvj5xip"}, {"question": "What Help is available through the NHS in the U.K. To stop smoking cannabis.", "description": "I have been smoking for 20 plus years and need help to quit, I have tried traditional methods 100 times over and nothing has even helped..so decided to visit the doctor.\n\nThe doctor didn't seem trained or equipped to handle something like this and responded with \"have you tried cutting down\" that's it and seem to want me out as quick as possible....just to outline I have a good job and was impeccably presented that day in a suit as it was in between appointments, I don't look like the average I would say. \n\nThat felt like a slap in the face....I guess like saying to someone with depression, have you tried being happy or just snapping out of it, or to someone over weight have you tried portion control or eating less.\n\nI Just wondered if there is anymore help available and If i have a crap doctor, or they just generally don't have the training or knowledge to help as they seemed very uninterested and I felt as though I had forgotten more than she knew on the subject.\n\nAny help gladly received", "answer": "UK addictions psychiatrist here.\n\nWhich part of the UK are you (the provision of addictions services are surprisingly varied)?\n\nIn practice, it is about graded reduction of consumption of cannbinoids. Biologically speaking, theres no medication or substitute prescribing necessary to come off cannabis.\n\nOn the other hand, there's the psychological aspects of addiction, and you might find the supports available for nicotine smoking to be useful. Also finding a way to fill the time when you smoked is useful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x5vgj", "comment_id": "degzfaq"}, {"question": "Bipolar disorder", "description": "Was wondering if anyone could help me. I'm 15, male. I've been depressed, anxious, self harming and suicidal since early August. Since then I've had episodes. I can either be severely depressed and have negative thoughts and be non functional, or very happy and productive and the changes happen very fast. It's like two extremes and there isn't a grey area. I also have been hearing voices for the past month or so, but in the past week it's been intense. It sounds like a young woman next to me saying 'kill yourself' or 'you know it's the only way out'. Could this be a sign of bipolar disorder? I'm seeing a counsellor and they think it's a voice if given my thoughts but it's gotten extremely intense in the past few days and I'm concerned. These 'episodes' last anywhere from 2 days to a week. I made another post and had a few comments saying it could be schizophrenia or something, but I forgot to mention the massive mood swings.", "answer": "I noticed your other post too. Where do you live? You see a counsellor, but do you see any other professionals? What (psychiatric/non-psychiatric) meds are you on, if any? Any other medical history? Do you smoke/drink alcohol/use any drugs at all? Anyone in your family with mental health illness?\n\nIt could be lots of things actually. Im wary of diagnosing you from your posts as it's much better to be careful for someone your age.\n\nGive us as much info, and ill reply thereafter.\n\nEdit: Noted you are in the UK (England) - how much of this does the GP know?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58shvu", "comment_id": "d92wdc7"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "It\u2019s not usually reveled to minors when part of an IEP. I had mine done as a kid because I did exceedingly well in topics I enjoyed and below average in topics I didn\u2019t. So they wanted to assess me for a learning disability. Turns out I just had a hard time paying attention and focusing on certain topics. \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "eo778z", "comment_id": "fe9zsjp"}, {"question": "Do I have marfan syndrome?", "description": "I'm a 25 year old caucasian female. height: 170 cm weight: 53 kg.\n\nRecently my mom learnt that she has ascending aortic aneurysm (45 mm). After reading about aortic aneurysms I found that they are linked with marfan and I noticed that I have a lot of features of it. I'm trying to decide if it's worth getting genetic testing. Here is my features and my family history.\n\nMe:\n\nI'm skinny-ish, especially in my arms. I have a long narrow face. I have high myopia (-4.75 right and -5.00 left) and lattice degeneration in my left eye. No problems with lens. I have mild scoliosis (18 degrees). I have minimal pectus carinatum type 2 (chondromanubrial) but my doctor wasn't confident about it. He said since it's not exaggerated he can't say for sure it is outside of the normal range of shape variation. I have \"flexible flatfoot\" (I think that's what the doctor said). My elbows extend beyond 180 degrees. I am positive for the bending pinky sign and wrapping wrist sign and the thumb-touching-inner arm. I am also positive for the thumb-extends-out-of-closed fist thing if I pull my thumb. My arm span-to-height ratio isn't in marfan ranges (arm span:166 cm, height: 170 cm). I have been wrestling and boxing for more than seven years and never suffered dislocation injuries. No heart problems. \n\nMy mom:\n\nShe is 49 years old and obese (h: 160 cm w: 79 kg). She has bicuspid aorta valve (since birth) and high blood pressure. Bicuspid valve is present in one of her relatives as well. She doesn't have any other feature of marfan than aortic aneurysm.  One of her sisters though has the same chest anomaly that I do. No serious complications related to marfan appeared in her family.\n\nMy dad:\n\nHe is 50 years old and obese (h: 181 cm w: 102 kg) but he used to be skinny when young. Even though he is obese now he has very thin wrists. He has the same flexible flatfoot as me. He has a long face. He says he used to be very flexible when he was young, and dislocated some joints playing football. His arm span/height ratio is normal. High degree myopia runs in his family (greater than -5.00) and one of his brothers had a detached retina (after getting kicked in the eye by a baby). No heart problems or serious complications related to marfan in his family. \n\nSorry for the long post. If you need to know anything else I can provide it.", "answer": "You should be evaluated for Marfans and Vascular EDS. NAD but I have significant family history of AAA.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "buzdvl", "comment_id": "epvbmqk"}, {"question": "How do you handle a coworker who rudely orders you around?", "description": "There is a guy who I work with who calls me and tells me to do things for him. It's not a problem to do the things he's needing me to do because it's my job. The problem is the way he's saying it. We're coworkers on the same level, and he just rudely orders me to do stuff instead of asking me, saying things like \"You're gonna\" instead of \"will you.\" That may sound petty on my part, but sometimes when I'm really busy and he's doing this constantly it can get very tiresome. It seems like he's one of these really insecure alpha-males who has to get in a dick-waving contest with every other guy he meets. I've told him before that I usually respond better to people asking me nicely if they'd like me to do something as opposed to telling me to do it, but he's still doing it. Should I just quit being a baby and deal with it or talk to him again?", "answer": "Do you have a good relationship with your boss? You might be able to bring it up with him/her.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1cbqz4", "comment_id": "c9fdmz0"}, {"question": "I [23 F] have recently found out, after an MRI scan, have inflammation occurring in certain areas of my brain and a 12 mm (in diameter) non-cancerous, benign tumour. What might come of this?", "description": "Hi, am mentioned above, it's been found that I have brain inflammation and a benign brain tumour. \n\nMy doctor struggles with my language so I felt like I couldn't get some necessary information out of him. I still really like him though, because he sincerely cares and really stays on top of things regarding my health which is rare in my city when you're a poor student who can't pay out of pocket. \n\nI got the scans done because I have been withdrawing off of an SSRI (anti-depressant) with the brand name 'pristiq'. This drug messed me up pretty hard after being on 150mg for 6 months. I felt I'd fallen into a sort of hyper depression and was suffering from headaches and general acheyness. Withdrawing off of it hasn't been much better either- I feel pretty crazy most of the time. \n\nAnyway, are these brain issues something I need to keep track of for the rest of my life? I've been told I have to get scans bi-yearly from here on out. What are the worst case scenarios and the more likely scenarios? Are there any healthy habits I can pick up to help?\n\nWhat can I expect in terms of side-effects. \n\nI know I might be freaking out unnecessarily, but anything to do with the brain feels scary...", "answer": "Yeah I think we all want to see the report in its entirety before we comment.\n\nPS. Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) isnt an SSRI, but an SNRI (but that's beside the point).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sdbue", "comment_id": "dlc18g8"}, {"question": "Any books for self improvement in social settings?", "description": "Curious if there are some self improvement books worth checking out that can help me with social situations and conversation.", "answer": "I [made a list](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/best-social-skills-books). Hope that helps!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ynehz", "comment_id": "c5x7si8"}, {"question": "My mother is 43 years old and recently had an MRI in which they told her she has had a \"small stroke\". She has had ECT treatment about 6 months ago. Could this be the reason they think she has had a stroke?", "description": "She doesn't have any stroke like symptoms. She had the MRI because she has, for years now, had issues with remembering things.  \n\nSo naturally it caught us all off guard when the results came back \"small stroke\".  \n\nCould the ECT have caused a sort of \"false positive\" and maybe shown as a stroke on the MRI? \n\nIf not, what exactly is a \"small stroke\"?", "answer": "ECT would not cause a false positive, and ECT also does not appear to have an association with increased risk of strokes ([Rozing et al, 2019](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30106358)).\n\nA small stroke is what it sounds like: a small area of brain that has died because of lack of oxygen. An MRI can tell new strokes from old ones, but it's not really possible to know whether this happened last year or a decade ago. \"Small\" isn't really meaningful either. The exact location and, to some degree, the exact size can be helpful, but even that isn't the whole story.\n\nSome small strokes can be, or at least seem, asymptomatic. Other times they can produce vague and subtle problems like mild difficulty with memory. The exact details here would require discussion with the doctors involved.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bskxb5", "comment_id": "eoo01of"}, {"question": "When you\u2019re ADHD and clumsy", "description": "Me: whimpering on the ground because my knee really hurts from bumping it into my coffee table\n\nMy bf: laughing\n\nMe: yelling at my dog to stop licking my face while still on the ground\n\nMy bf: \u201cI totally saw that coming because you were walking, then heard the words \u2018women\u2019 and \u2018diversity\u2019 on tv and looked up, so you bumped your knee really hard at the same time.. ok but are you ok\u201d\n\nI\u2019m fine \ud83d\ude0a\n\nAdditionally, I bumped my knee into my file cabinet at work last week and ripped a hole in my new pants when I went to my coworkers desk to water his bonsai tree. I feel so sad for my pants.\n\nTl;dr: I get distracted easily or I\u2019m not paying attention and I hurt myself... often. My poor knees. ", "answer": "Nearly every day I ask my husband to stand at the bottom of our very small staircase and catch me when I jump. Every day he tells me no, you\u2019ll hurt yourself and I say no I won\u2019t, because you\u2019ll catch me! The other day, for some reason, he said yes. I jumped, he caught me, and my knee came up and slammed into the bannister. I now have  a massive bruise which formed basically instantly because I hit it so hard. \n\nGuess he was right. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abebpy", "comment_id": "eczp2g8"}, {"question": "Do I have a Pilonidal Cyst? How urgently does it need trestment?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pilonidal-sinus/", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gq8b4d", "comment_id": "frrc324"}, {"question": "Quick question - Gaming", "description": "Hi All!\n\nI've been reading posts here for a long time and find just so many posts here relatable but am unsure if I would qualify for ADD or not but plan on getting a referral to a psychologist soon (been planning to that for years but soon!) . Bit scared of going if I'm honest :) \n\nJust curious how many of you are gamers and what type of gamer you are? I find I can spend hours and hours gaming but I alternate what I am doing constantly, swapping characters or plans or games and infuriating all my friends!", "answer": "World of Warcraft. Yeah. I'm that guy. I love changing my characters and most of them suck because I don't spend the time getting them good cause I get bored with them.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c1miao", "comment_id": "erecqlz"}, {"question": "What were your supervised hours like as an intern?", "description": "I'm really think that much of the training a mental health professional does is shrouded in mystery and that this lack of information is really harmful to clients.  Specifically, I would like to know what were your supervised hours like.\n\nHow many hours of supervised hours did you need to complete to get your license?\nWhat was the supervision like?\nHow much did you meet with your supervising clinician?\nWhat did you talk about?  How much did you talk about each client?  Was it like 5 minutes per person per week?  More?  How an active of a role did the supervisor take in each case?\n\nI realize that it might be different for those of you who were working with serious cases in clinics or hospitals.  But I'm specifically interested in those who worked at an average private practice.", "answer": "This varies by region and program. \n\nI had about 1500 supervised hours as a practicum student with 150ish hours of supervision.  My internship was 2000 hours , with 1 hour of group sup every week , 2 hours of didactics and 2 hours of individual sup. Then,  2000 hours of post doc with 2 hours of sup a week.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hqi0z3", "comment_id": "fxysapp"}, {"question": "I can't sneeze?", "description": "I'm 15, and when i try to sneeze i get the feeling but it won't come out. can anyone help me? ", "answer": "Why is it a problem?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5w3g5e", "comment_id": "de7124x"}, {"question": "I have been thinking and responding to things more like my 2-year-old daughter and here's why it's been GREAT!", "description": "How awesome would it be if we all could think like a 2 year old? Just float around all day without a care in the world and have the ability to just \"let go\" of problems so quickly!\nI think we could all learn how to become better adults by thinking more like our young children as crazy as that may seem.\n\nOur daughter, Annabelle (just like most 2 year olds) can fall flat on her face, while playing around, cry for 5 minutes and then spring right back into whatever it was that she got hurt from in the first place. It's incredible how quickly toddlers can just move forward like this.\n\nEver see a 2 year old holding onto a grudge for longer than a few hours at most? Nope, they become upset, sometimes throw a fit and then it's over. Let's go play.\n\nWe all once felt and acted this same way. I believe that somewhere between the ages of 2 and 21, we learn to think and feel more like \"an adult\". Is that a good thing?\n\nI don't believe so. That's why I aim to let our daughter stay a child as long as possible and as she does start learning about all these new emotions and 'ways of life', I hope to help her retain as much of her creative, toddler mentality as possible!", "answer": "Very insightful. LSD produces this mindspace. \n\n\"Nothing to get hung about...\"", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7at4fs", "comment_id": "dpd7x8c"}, {"question": "Help me to become my best possible self and achieve greatness!", "description": "Hello fellow redditors!\n\n\nForgive me if the title is a tad bit, well, let's say \"sensational\" but I hope to find some serious and very specific advice, catered to my self (That's really selfish, I know)\n\n\n**To get to the point:**\nI want to find and do something in life which makes me forget to sleep or eat. Something I can't stop thinking about no matter what happens. Something I will be obsessed about till the very end and not neglect it one month down the line. I want to find something I can work my ass off for. Something I am willing to give up \"leisure time\" for, cause I won't need it anymore when I find it. \n**How can I find my final obsession?**\n\n\nI have always been a person who can never stick with one specific thing for too long. I'd find something new and make it the focus point of my life but only for about 2 months or so, then I'd move on and find the next new thing (Kinda ironic, huh? Whatever result this thread will bring, if any, will probably end up the same, though I'm really hoping for SOMETHING, but then again, maybe I'm just insane by trying the same thing once again but I want to finally break this vicious circle). \n\n\nYou could say that I'm kinda driven by novelty, though I don't know how to use that to my advantage in my professional life.\nIt, of course, has it's perks, but I don't think that I am utilizing them very well atm.\n\n\nAlso I don't really know how to structure this post, so bear with me :(\n\n\nIf it means anything I'm still pretty young (soon to be 22) am currently studying at a university (though I'm not rly happy with what I'm doing there). I just want something to change. Fk it. I want to achieve something for myself, something I can feel proud of (and I don't mean something worthless degree I can wipe my ass with, things like these don't mean a thing to me. Knowledge + achievement beats a piece of paper any time of day).\n\n\nI know it isn't very realistic to expect someone to find something like that for me, especially without even knowing me, so if you can't give me advice on finding such a miraculous thing, tell me what my best course of action could be if such a thing does not exist.\n\n\n*Additional notes after writing this whole thing:*\nIf I'd rationally try to deconstruct this post for myself the advice I would give myself would be to \"accept that I can't just do one thing and that this is one of my strengths\n\n\nI appreciate every single one of you trying to help this stupid, selfish boy, you are a gift to this earth (and despite my language in this post I'm actually quite a confident person, so don't worry about it)\nThank you very much!", "answer": "people don't stick to things either because they have ADD or a mental illness, or they have an unrealistic expectation of success and excellence.  even people who have a tremendous passion, still have to 'grind it out'. so.... the passion is exciting, but the getting there can be laborious and even boring.  think of a great musician practicing repetitive phrases for hours on end. or a famous ballplayer practicing one tiny component endlessly. or a great scientist doing tedious repetitive experiments.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z8odm", "comment_id": "dewbg7q"}, {"question": "calcium channel blockers", "description": "Age: 24, weight: 210, height: 6'1.\n\nIf calcium channel blockers lower BP by preventing calcium from entering heart cells and blood vessels, how come milk reduces BP if it gives you a lot of calcium? I drink a lot of almond milk but my BP stays around 130-150 systolic and 90-110 diastolic...Exercise 5-7 days a week. Changing up my diet to literally try and consume no salt to see if that helps.\n\nJust checked BP now its at 133/77", "answer": "Milk doesn't reduce blood pressure. Diets containing milk have a correlation with reduced blood pressure, but correlation is not causation and there are many confounding variables.\n\nIn any case, calcium channel blockers work by preventing calcium ions from entering smooth muscle cells in the heart blood vessels. Consuming food or drinks with calcium puts calcium in your gut and eventually in your bloodstream, but the extracellular amount (in your blood) is not what matters; it's the amount that goes from extracellular to intracellular that makes a difference, and that's what calcium channel blockers alter.\n\nAlso, even the extracellular calcium level is highly regulated. Even drinking a lot of milk won't dramatically raise blood calcium levels, which is a very good thing for the safety of milk drinkers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p3kh2", "comment_id": "e7yuup2"}, {"question": "Long term effects of Red Wine use: is it really as bad as my friend says it is?", "description": "30 year old male who has no happiness in life; anxiety, depression, OCD, Bipolar, Asperger\u2019s syndrome that makes me super sensitive to sound etc....\n\nWhat would be the long term effects of not exercising from Friday to Sunday and drinking .55 liters of Pinot Noir every F/S/SU until I die?\n\nIs it really as bad as my friend makes it out to be e.g. permanently damaging my liver, brain, and body? I take quite a different stance as I believe in neurogenesis and that stress is worse than alcohol. I have a lot of stress, even from past trauma: the alcohol stops me from thinking about it. No therapist as yet has been able to help. I believe in logotherapy, but most therapists don\u2019t do that because they\u2019d rather just bleed you dry than give you a cure.", "answer": "Alcohol has, on many people, negative physical and mental effects. The amounts you describe certainly are above the recommended daily intake levels in many countries (recommendations differ per region).\n\nIn your case, I'd be most worried about the negative effects on sleep quality and consequently risk of inducing mood instability given you have bipolar disorder. \n\nAlso, as you probably know, alcohol isn't known for its beneficial effects on feeling bad (long term).\n\nMy advice would be to ask yourself what your long term goals are and whether wine is helpful or not in that regard.\n\nI personally expect the right therapist can help you, but I understand motivation/expectations can be an issue if you've had some negative experiences in this regard.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7zlkc", "comment_id": "fihenif"}, {"question": "Steve-O says that \"only 5%' of alcoholics/addicts get sober and stay that way long-term. Is this true?", "description": "If so, I'm certainly glad to be part of the 5%!", "answer": "I always get a kick out of percentages. No idea where they get their numbers from. Nobody knows the actual percentages", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d8uy9h", "comment_id": "f1d5eh5"}, {"question": "Marriage Love Life is dying", "description": "I am a 38yo man and my wife is 37yo and we have been together over 10 years now. I work a job that is 4 weeks away and 4 weeks at home which is great because it means 4 solid weeks of interuppted family time when I come home, especially with our 2 kids.\n\nThe past year though my wife has become stand-offish and our love life has become non existant, and no matter how often I try to initiate anything or talk about it, she gets defensive.  \n\nShe says nothing is wrong and for me not to worry about anything, but we end up at the same point again and this conversation just recycles itself.\n\nI try to communicate to her and ask her what she wants but get shut down time and time again which us so frustrating.\n\nI'm at a loss now and need some outside advice.\n\nAny suggestiona please?", "answer": "go to marriage counseling please", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6do4aa", "comment_id": "di486q0"}, {"question": "I wanna beat Anxiety without medication but how? ", "description": "I'm a 20 year old male, and everyday of my life I wake up with my heart going the speed of light for no particular reason. I have taken Xanax, cymbalta and a few others. I just want to get away from these and live a day, without having to drug myself up to get through  it. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know, I am tired of living like this. ", "answer": "Try therapy", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "xasj1", "comment_id": "c5lwif9"}, {"question": "Help?", "description": "My husband and I have no money to spend on mental healthcare for my suicidal ideation, hell we barely have enough to feed ourselves, mostly because my depression/anxiety disorder/paranoia is too deep for me to keep from being fired.\n\nI have tried free hotlines and chatlines, but they are always 'down' or 'out of service'.\n\nI am off my medication by choice because my husband wants children. \n\nThis will be my fourth suicide attempt, previous ones were stopped because of emergency intervention because we had healthcare. This time we do not and I am not sure how to help myself.\n\nI am sorry if this is rambling, I am sorry if you feel this is inappropriate or that my post is worthless, I am only writing this because I have no one else.", "answer": "Hey there, I'm listening. Where are you located, if you don't mind me asking? ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "28nitv", "comment_id": "cicliz0"}, {"question": "I [25f] would like to join a dating service but past bad experiences scare me and I could use some advice.", "description": "I'm 25 and single. I have a full time job and am often busy, but I'd really like to meet someone. I haven't been on a date in a long time. I live in an area where there isn't much to do. I do not like bars. So I've began to consider meeting someone online. \n\nI've tried in the past and had some things happen.\n\nTinder IS a hookup app. Even though I stated in my bio that I was looking for casual dating, and even though I warned all new matches that I was not there for sex....everyone really only wanted sex. So no Tinder. \n\nI then tried OKCupid. \nOn OKCupid, I got a lot of messages from guys who didn't seem like people I would or should match with. If I did respond but there was no connection, I was accused of leading them on. If I didn't respond they'd become irate.  I got a lot of rude messages, and also a lot of nice ones and even went on a date with a friendly guy, but the negativity ended up outweighing the positive aspects.  I wasn't sure what to do and left OKC.\n\nAre paid services better? Should I just try again and ignore the yelling? Should I not even bother going the online route?", "answer": "Online dating sites are great because never before in human history have men and women been able to talk to so many prospective suitors from the convenience of their home. It's a huge statistical advantage compared to past generations. The key word here is 'statistical'.  It doesn't matter how many jerks message you online. [There are jerks everywhere as you know.] Because it only takes one good person to make your life better. Just stay with the process, go slow, be safe, and always meet the first time for coffee in the DAYTIME.   meetup.com for social/recreational activity is good too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6my69v", "comment_id": "dk59k9w"}, {"question": "I can't tell the difference between an irrational level of feelings and rational.", "description": "Having BPD confuses me 24/7. I am just constantly confused about my feelings towards everything. I don't know if the \"amount\" of my sad, irritated, frustrated, or angry feelings are normal or over the top. I know we all feel things on a much more intense level, but what if sometimes it's the same with someone WITHOUT BPD? How am I supposed to know what's the usual or healthy amount of negativity that balanced/mindful people feel towards something?\n\n\nHere's the thing. I've recently learned not to show aggression or hostility towards others, so no one would really be able to tell how I'm feeling. I don't lash out or express my sadness (kind of raised to not show negative emotions too). However, behavioral reaction or not, feelings can still be irrational. \n\n\nHere's an example of what I mean:  Maybe someone you know and like isn't treating you so kindly. Maybe they're just fine but YOU don't think they are treating you well and YOU are being the irrational one. How do you know if you are just being too sensitive or if they are actually in the wrong???\n\n\nI also often get lost in my own thoughts a lot. This is what it truly must feel like to have a personality disorder. I don't know who my consistent self is and although people see me as normal on the outside, my mind is so jumbled that I just spend too much time doing nothing.\n\n\nedit: Thank you all so much for your responses! To those of you going through the same thing, I hope that eventually we can achieve some sort of consistency and grasp on the way we feel about things. To those that offered support and/or advice, I appreciate it so much and am thankful. =)", "answer": "for me i have to question every thought and feeling and most ofthe time, my initial thought or feeling is wrong in some way. i mean not wrong, but the consequences of those thoughts or feelings tends to breed more negativity for myself and others. so i try to let it all go. the best thing is you discover you really are in control of your emotions, maybe not how you feel them but what you can do with them", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2is20b", "comment_id": "cl5nph0"}, {"question": "How do you bundle a cat that won\u2019t lay down for you?", "description": "I need to clean my cat\u2019s ears but, of course, she wont have it. \n\nI\u2019ve tried associating it with treats, I\u2019ve tried giving her catnip to help her relax while I do it, nothing is making it easier. \n\nI cant even bundle her because she wont lay down long enough to do it correctly and she always ends getting out before i get to the first ear! If I could just figure out how to bundle her without her laying down i feel like I could finally handle this", "answer": "I usually put them on a higher surface that I can stand behind them. I put a towel over their back and start wrapping/holding just above the front legs on the chest. This way they can still stand if they are uncomfortable with being held off their feet. I can then hold the towel in place with my arm while I hold the chin/face with that hand and other hand gently cleans. If you have someone to help even better. Give treats and cuddles during. Or use that wet food treat to distract as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hslkel", "comment_id": "fyb7vx5"}, {"question": "Laws re: accessibility in hotels", "description": "Hi all,\nI\u2019m hoping it\u2019s ok to ask these questions here. Short background: I have a moderate physical disability that makes using stairs painful, exhausting, and at times impossible. I reserved a room at hotel after seeing some rooms labeled \u201csecond floor\u201d on the website, and others without label. I maybe stupidly assumed the non-labeled rooms were first floor. It turned out to be a second floor room and there was no elevator. i returned to the check in area when I realized this to request a refund, but no one was there and no one returned for 45 minutes. I left after 45 minutes, leaving a VM on the hotel\u2019s phone # and also sending them and email. In both, I explained the situation and why I left, and requested a refund since I couldn\u2019t access the room. They emailed back about 12 hours later and denied my request. Should I push back? Are they required to note that a room is entirely handicap inaccessible (second floor, no elevator) in advertising or during booking? Are they just kind of assholes but within their legal rights? What would you do? \nI am somewhat newly disabled and have never encountered anything like this.", "answer": "Just wanted to say thanks again to all of you for the info and kindness. I\u2019m realizing that there\u2019s going to be a pretty steep learning curve as I re-enter society bit by bit. I retried the whole hotel stay thing again yesterday because I was worried it would become a big thing in my head and I\u2019d never do it again. I went to a chain hotel and called ahead - completely different experience, everyone was kind and helpful. Kindness makes such a humongous different in these situations, huh?", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "caf6f5", "comment_id": "et9pway"}, {"question": "What do I do ?", "description": "Hi, my boyfriend well ex has been on drugs since he was 13 now he is about to be 20. Whenever I started dating him two years ago he stopped doing them and now after two years he broke up with me and said he does still love me but can't be in a relationship because he doesn't know who he is and he needs time to find himself. He says he doesn't know if we will ever get back together and doesn't want to give me false hopes. He says he doesn't want talk about his feelings and he'll be fine but he tells me this in almost in tears. We have hugged and kissed since then but are still broken up. I don't know what to do. I want to wait for him and give his space until he's ready but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.. the way sometimes he describes himself I sometimes feel he's depressed (he has been before when he was younger and before I met him). Help", "answer": "He knows he has to get himself together before he's capable of being in a rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x4chu", "comment_id": "dmcznzw"}, {"question": "[27/m] broke it off with a girl (27/f) who i care deeply about", "description": "i met this girl who is an immigrant and doesn't speak english 100% but she is good enough that we could have conversations. we stopped seeing each other around memorial day and then ended up getting back together in june for a couple of months, and then she broke it off at the end of july again. this week we have been texting a lot and she asked me to come over last night. i said no because we will just hurt each other again. \n\nsome of the backstory... she came from a very poor central asian country and her ability to support herself and her family back home after coming here with nothing is so impressive. the problem, and why i could never commit 100% to her even though i wanted to, is that she is currently working as a stripper. it has been such a burden in my mind that that is the reason why. but i could never bring myself to introduce her to my family because i know they wouldn't approve. \n\nnot sure what the point of this post/rant is. i'm just sitting here alone in my apartment crying about how i have lost a girl from my life who i truly love because of fear of my family rejecting her. ", "answer": "It's your life. If she was TRULY SPECIAL, nothing else would matter. Perhaps it's you that disapproves....\n\nThese situations are painful because on a person to person level you know there's a nice chemistry. But there are some tangible realities that don't sit right with you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wcijo", "comment_id": "dm6ypna"}, {"question": "Do you think my therapist being 100% reasonable? What would you do?", "description": "So around a month ago I overdosed, NOT to die or to hurt myself, but just because I was having a meltdown and felt I needed to be hospitalized. I took myself to the ER and didnt end up getting hospitalized. \n\nSince that happened, my therapist insists that I need a higher level of care and is making me do a dbt group. If I dont do that group, I am not allowed to see him anymore. \nI dont feel the group is best for me, because group settings upset me so so much, I always end up having a meltdown, and I feel like it would do more harm than good. Despite this I would still be will to do a group only if I could keep it separate and not have the therapists talk - but that is not an option. \n\nIm pretty frustrated because I feel like he is only forcing me into this group in cover his ass in case I hurt myself - which I am not going to. Im doing better than I ever have. I have no suicidal thoughts, Im enrolled in school for the first time in a long time, I have a job, I volunteer, all that good stuff. Im trying to get him to compromise with me, but he will not budge. I understand his perspective, but I feel like he doesnt 100% understand mine (I can go into detail of why I dont want this group if anyone wants). As as therapist what would you do in this situation? \n\nIve been seeing him for a year, hes really the only person in my life that I can trust and talk to. Just the thought of getting a new therapist upsets me.", "answer": "Your therapist is ethically bound to demonstrate you are making progress and if not, what steps are being taken to support you. After a suicide attempt (whether your intent was to die or not what you did is still classified as an attempt) it appears that your current treatment plan isn\u2019t enough to support you. Your therapist could be fined or lose their license for *not*taking these steps. DBT Groups are wonderful ways to add skills while you continue to work with your individual therapist. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5yc6p", "comment_id": "es4v2xd"}, {"question": "(30F) wants to keep take things slowly, but I (31M) am emotionally involved. Her lifestyle doesn\u2019t leave room for a committed relationship. How to move forward?", "description": "I have always wanted to start a family and have kids, and am actively looking for someone who wants the same. It\u2019s proven hard for me to meet women in the city where I live and I have not been successful in attracting women to me in the last 2 years I\u2019ve lived here. \n\nWe\u2019re both in our early 30s. We\u2019ve dated for a couple of months and I have developed feelings for her during this time which she knows about. She keeps saying that she likes me a lot, is looking for a LTR, and wants to have kids soon, but needs more time to decide whether we can be a couple or not. I have a busy schedule, but would like to spend more time with her (at least 2-3 evenings per week) so that we can get to the point in 4-5 months where we know whether we are ready for long term commitment to each other or not. \n\nBut there are several things about her that make me concerned that I may be being juvenile in thinking that a LTR with her is a possibility:\n\n1.\tHappy Hours: She works for a tech company and goes to different Happy Hour events in the city at least 2-3 evenings every week with different male friends. She drinks more than I would consider appropriate for weekday evenings. She prefers going to these Happy Hour events usually alone with one of her 3 male friends who work in the same industry at other companies, and I am somewhat suspicious of the nature of their relationships. I\u2019ve seen one of them hold her around her shoulder while walking her to his car before giving her a ride home and I\u2019ve seen her hold his hands once another time. When I brought it up with her, she said she doesn\u2019t remember holding hands with him and maybe he held her around her shoulder because she \u201creally needed to be held\u201d at that time. I have multiple female friends, but we always hang out in groups, and we are not physically close with each other the same way she is with her male friends.\n\n2.\tSalsa friend: She goes salsa dancing 2-3 nights every week with another male friend. She seemed unwilling to bring me along the 2 times I\u2019ve wanted to go with her when she was going out with him. She talk about this Salsa friend a lot and her eyes light up and dilate every time she talks about him \u2013 \u201che was so nice to drive 80 extra miles just to give me a ride home at 3AM\u201d \u201chis moves are so smooth on the dance floor\u201d.\n3.\tPlans for next week: \u201cI am hanging out with my salsa friend on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. I am going to a Happy Hour with Guy friend 1 on Tuesday, and with Guy friend 2 on Thursday. I am going to the beach with Guy friend 3 on Sunday afternoon and for dinner in the evening. I am going hiking with my Girl friend 1 on Saturday. Do you want to meet up Saturday evening for dinner and may be stay over at my place for the night?\u201d \n\n4.\tBusy on phone: All of her friends text/FB message her all the time. They text back and forth all day, including late at night while she is staying over at my place, and while we are on our dates on weekend evenings. When I text her, she takes 1-8 hours to respond. But she is far more responsive with her other friends.\n\n5.\tSecretive: She guards her phone closely when I am around and seems to get nervous if I reach anywhere near her phone. She has told me a couple of times that she hung out with her Girl friend 1 last evening, but I later found out from her roommate that she actually hung out with one of her guy friends.\n\nI feel that her lifestyle does not allow me to spend enough time with her and to explore the possibility of a LTR. Also, her heavy drinking and spending too much time alone with multiple male friends bother me. In my view, this lifestyle would have been totally OK for someone in her 20s, but not for someone in her early 30s who wants 3 kids within the next 3 years. \n\nSince finding someone who\u2019s ready for a LTR is a priority for me, I am thinking of distancing myself from her. Should I try to give this relationship more time, or just move on and find someone who\u2019ll value me more than she does?\n\nTL;DR - 31M searching for LTR currently hung up on a 30F who seems only mildly interested and not compatible because of her lifestyle. Also appears to be dating multiple people. Should try giving this relationship more time, or just move on and try finding someone else?\n\nX-POST from /r/dating_advice", "answer": "move on. she doesn't want what you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pkc8d", "comment_id": "dkq2o5h"}, {"question": "I want to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do.", "description": "I live alone in the UK. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has got to the point I can barely leave my bed. I'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.\n\nI feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do. Do I call an ambulance?", "answer": "Do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to?  If so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation?  Do you have a hotline in the UK where you can call just to talk to someone?  I know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the UK perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions?  Hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "cnnx4qe"}, {"question": "Just got rejected by my crush", "description": "And I feel amazing. Seriously cannot believe i mustered up the courage to ask a woman out. Thought this would feel way worse. Im not scared anymore. I will no longer spend time wondering \"what if i did ask her out\" and I can move on. \n\nFuck you anxiety ", "answer": "The pain of the buildup is often 10x worse than the pain of the rejection. Great job!", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6dbno3", "comment_id": "di1mby4"}, {"question": "Trouble moving on", "description": "This guy and I broke up about 2 months ago. We broke up because of my lack of trust towards him. He stated that I pushed him away. I had doubt because he would go on trips and do activities without me, he never posted pictures of us. I felt like I was a secret. I work a lot so I have a limited amount of free time. I felt like it was easy for him to see other people and easily go on these trips with those other people. I broke it off with him finally because I couldn't get rid of my suspicions and he really didn't do much to reassure me, which is what I desired. I reached out to him this last week, and I was so disappointed. I lied to myself saying I was reaching out because I wanted to be just friends, truth way I was expecting him to declare how much he missed me, but he didn't. It hurts. He's messaged me every day, but it's like \"what are you doing\" or \"I'm going with friends\" . I feel they're pity messages and I feel embarrassed for reaching out. Help. ", "answer": "zero contact. the way alcoholics have zero sips.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6hs3kl", "comment_id": "dj0u7vq"}, {"question": "Does race tend play a role in the therapy?", "description": "So I've recently decided, with support from my wife who has been successfully utilizing therapy for years, to find and see a therapist, but I'm finding myself in a tough spot. I am a young black (mixed) queer non-Christian man in a smaller Southern city, and I have some (possibly unfounded) anxiousness at the idea of sitting in a room with a white person and being vulnerable. \n\nI should state that my wife is white, so I don't have any overt prejudice against white people nor against Christians, but if therapy is, as I understand it to be, a place for me to safely explore my feelings with some guidance, I would like to avoid the feeling of an impassable lack of understanding in trying to convey the pressure of being a brown face in predominately white spaces to, for instance, an older Christian white woman, which seems to be the majority of therapists in my coverage and area. \n\nSo I guess my question is particularly seeking answers from people of color who have experience with therapy, but I would also appreciate positive input from anyone willing to give it.\n\nSo let me restate it simply:   \nDo you find that race heavily influences your experience with therapy and how so? \n\nThank you.", "answer": "Therapist here.  Disclosure:  I'm a cis white heterosexual male.... so yeah all the privilege in the world but I think I may be able to help give you some insight on some aspects here.\n\n\nFeeling comfortable in the therapy setting is one of the most important aspects of whether it's going to be helpful or not.  Having to work through some of your anxiety regarding being accepted by someone who isn't a person of color and may be cis-het may be really helpful to you, so long as they're actually a good therapist and culturally competent.  If they are, it could be really transformative for you.  If they're not (and trust me, plenty of therapists out there lacking cultural competence, especially around LGBTQ+ issues) it could be harmful.    \n\n\nThat being said, maybe you don't want to work through that stuff right now because you have bigger fish to fry and that's completely okay.  Any agency worth their salt looks to find therapists who are representative of the population they serve as plenty of folks feel more comfortable with someone they at least perceived of having a similar or shared experience.  \n\n\nAs a potential client, you get to decide what you're looking for in a therapist as far as demographics go.  You don't necessarily get to decide if you go to a larger agency and get assigned something different despite your stating your preferences, but you do have the freedom to say \"Alright, I'm gonna find somewhere else then.\"\n\n\nI work at an agency that exclusively serves the LGBTQ+ population in my area.  I have a ton of experience and passion for working with LGBTQ+ folks.  Many don't want to work with me or are apprehensive given my demographics.  That's understandable, but for those that have given it a shot, I'd like to think we've done incredible work together.  \n\n\nTo answer your restated question:\n\n\nRace (or any demographic differences between client and therapist) has as much influence on a person's experience in therapy as both they decide to make it and their therapist's level of multi-cultural competency.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bga3ov", "comment_id": "ell5vkv"}, {"question": "DAE totally shut down verbally", "description": "Usually when you feel uncomfortable? \n\nI don\u2019t know why I do this\nI don\u2019t know how to stop it \nIt\u2019s like I just become catatonic when I\u2019m in the presence of my FP because I\u2019m afraid of saying something that might make her feel uncomfortable so then I feel uncomfortable. \nAnd then I spiral down into shame and fear and anxiety. And get lost in my head. And she\u2019s still there... waiting on me to finish the sentence that I\u2019m not sure I can physically force out of my mouth... ", "answer": "Yeah it's hard. That's something I wish I could communicate to my ex, I did that often in our relationship when I was uncomfortable. I think it's just dissociation", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9pftxs", "comment_id": "e81jej0"}, {"question": "Please read this", "description": "So basically my story is that im usually a worrisome person. I have anxiety but over the years i've been able to control it tremendously. This past school year i was in a great time in my life. In May i went to a party and drank and smoked. As soon as i smoked i had an awful reaction and had the worst experience of my life. \n\nThe next morning when i woke up i didnt feel 100%. I felt in a daze. Sometimes i felt in a dream. My anxiety was through the roof. I smoked a few times after that and quit on June 25th. I havent smoked since then. The problem is i don't see any change. I think i may be going through physcosis. I feel like im going to go crazy at times. My hearing is weird also. It's not as clear as it was before my experience. My head is heavy all the time it feels like an anxiety headache. I feel the anxiety in my head. I have some derealization from this. Im always tired and always depressed. Always feeling empty and lonely. \n\n\nI want some advice. My parents are so against drugs so i havent told them and dont plan on if so please dont suggest that. They would kill me. I think its finally time for me to see a doctor but im not sure what to say. I'm not sure if meds are a good or bad thing. Someone please help. I want to feel how i felt before this experience. I dont plan on smoking again. I dont feel confident anymore. I want to get better. \n\nAlso forgot to mention that i have bad brain fog. Everything is in a daze and my eyesight feels distorted but i have perfect vision. I was at the eye doctor last week. I want to be able to have a clear mind from now on. ", "answer": "To clarify, what did you smoke?\n\nYou're not psychotic. But go seek advice from your GP.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52px9h", "comment_id": "d7m9qkf"}, {"question": "24F accidentally used expired eye drops...is this a problem?", "description": "24F, 1 day, 125 pounds, 5'2, white, my eye, diagnosed with anxiety. \n\n​\n\nLast night my eye was bothering me so I used eye drops. Just checked the bottle this morning and they were expired. Is this a problem? my eye feels fine just don't know if this is super bad. ", "answer": "We can\u2019t be certain without knowing what the drops are and why you used them.\n\nMost medications have expiration dates beyond which they are not guaranteed to be effective. They\u2019re still safe, and usually still effective long past that date as well. The manufacturer just won\u2019t vouch for it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aph7kc", "comment_id": "eg88nlv"}, {"question": "I [M19] found a super amazing girl [F18] but she seems to be into my best friend [M18] but he doesn't realize that she's into him. Should I tell him or should I go for her?", "description": "I told my friend that I liked her and asked if he liked her and he said he liked her only as much as any other girl. I don't know whether to make a move or not and I feel like shit that she is giving all this attention to him.", "answer": "let her make a decision first about approaching your friend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kg73a", "comment_id": "dbnpisc"}, {"question": "How do I become OK being monogamous", "description": "I'm a 19 year old guy and haven't been in a relationship for a good while. I met someone and we've started going out, it's starting to hit me that I can't talk to other girls now and I'm beginning to have second thoughts.. \n\nThis isn't the first time this has happened and I usually just end things. But all that does is make me feel worse because now I'm alone and I did like them. \n\nHow do I get over this?? \n", "answer": "You're probably just not ready. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6q0g28", "comment_id": "dktmv3r"}, {"question": "Relationship advice", "description": "So I have been  dating my girlfriend for just about 3 months now and I guess you can say it's pretty serious.at the beginning of the relationship I was always so ecstatic to see her and just the  thought  of her made me happy. She's a perfect girl smart,funny,beautiful but one day everything kind of changed because I finally questioned if I really want to be with her and if she's actually making me happy and I just have been overthinking everything everyday.whenever I see her I get sad and it really sucks and just need some advice.mind you I live in upstate New York and we started dating in the winter so it's cold/no sunlight so I know that could be a factor please help!!", "answer": "can u be more specific about ur concerns?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wsvkc", "comment_id": "decqh1j"}, {"question": "[26/m] boyfriend keeps repeating things I say? Confused...", "description": "I've exhausted looking this up on a google search. The first thing that came up was '11 signs your boyfriend is a sociopath' Yeaahhhh I wouldn't go that far. \n\nSo he's honestly almost perfect. Can get grumpy, sometimes extremely negative about shit in his life, WON'T stop making jokes about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING but I care about him a lot and he shows me and tells me how much he cares.\n\nBut theres one thing that I'm super confused about, he will use my words and repeat what I have said to him back to me. For instance, this is a regular occurance at the end of a day\n\n'Goodnight XYZ! Sleep well <3'\n\nand he will reply:\n\n'Goodnight too! And you sleep well also!'\n\nHe will also say reiterate what I said sometimes & try to act reassuring such as:\n\n'I had a good day becuase .... and this happend...'\n\n'Yeah it is great that.... happened'\n\nI'm sure I'm overthinking this but sometimes I feel like he could choose to say something a little original isntead of simply repeating exactly what I've said back. Is this a social thing where he doesn't know what else to say? Or is he just saying what he thinks I want to hear? Its getting a bit frustrating when all I hear is my words played back to me... ", "answer": "you are overthinking. everyone has a different skill set.just worry about whether he's a wonderful boyfriend.  people put too many things under a microscope. they don't see the forest for the trees if you do that..", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qkinq", "comment_id": "dczz0ep"}, {"question": "Consuming Vitamin with Titanium Dioxide", "description": "I am a 30/M/White in Chicago, 5'4\" 155 lbs with no significant health issues.\n\nI recently started taking a multivitamin that contains titanium dioxide. I have read in some instances it is considered extremely unsafe as it is a carcinogen, while in other instances that is a fallacy. \n\nCan someone help further elaborate?", "answer": "Titanium dioxide may be a carcinogen if inhaled as nanoparticles. There is no evidence, as far as I'm aware, that it is toxic when ingested.\n\nAs already stated, there's no reason to take a vitamins unless you have a specific nutritional deficiency.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4d91m", "comment_id": "ebdjzdi"}, {"question": "At what point do I see a doctor", "description": "I'm a 22yo male, 6' 2\" 160lbs. No known health problems but I do have anxiety, otherwise i'm in seemingly good health.\n\nThis past week I've been experiencing heart palpitations. I guess these are either PACs and/or PVCs. In years past I had similar symtpoms and have gone to the cardiologist twice - once when I was 15 and the other time was when I was 17. I also went to the ER once when I was 20. Each time I made a doctor visit I received normal EKG and echocardiograms (had this done 2 times (at 15 and then at 17yo). I also got a 24-hour holter monitor twice. Everything was normal and the doctor said I just had a few PACs. He said not to worry at all.\n\n\nFast forward a little bit. I have palpitations every now and then and I've taken my doctor's word for it and felt fine with ignoring them. Though, this past week I've been experiencing them very frequently. I have no other symptoms and I've been riding my bike miles per day as usual to go to work. They seem to be somewhat random but at times I have maybe 15 an hour. Sometimes I have a few per minute. They aren't super consistent except that they're consistent throughout the day and I recognize each time I have them. At least a few per hour I'd say, for the past 4 days or so. \n\n\nI have a CityMD urgent care near my apartment and I'm wondering if I should go today before it closes (just moved cities so I don't have a regular doctor yet). It just costs $75 that I don't want to spend knowing that I have major health anxiety and this will probably be nothing. IDK. On the one hand I've had these in the past and everything was fine but I don't ever remember having them so frequently. \n\n\n\nRight now I'm at home and I haven't noticed any palps for a while. Is it necessary to go ASAP or can I just wait this out a little bit and hopefully they'll go away(?) If I had a normal EKG 2 years ago, plus a normal echo about 4 years ago, is this really necessary?? Ultimately I guess I'm scared that I may have developed some structural issue since then.", "answer": "I think that you might want to consider treatment for your anxiety and see how your cardiac symptoms are thereafter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57j1is", "comment_id": "d8swfut"}, {"question": "My [24m] schizophrenic mother [48f] has been dependent on my grandmother her whole life, I'm panicking about what will happen when my grandmother passes away, what can I do?", "description": "Preface: I grew up around, but not with my mother until I was about 12 years old. During the 12 years I lived around my mother, I lived with my grandmother. My mom would be in and out of the hospital, or usually out having fun. We did spend some time together though. From 12-18 I had no physical contact with my mom, I lived in a different state, and I was homeless or in fostercare. From 18-22 I went to college in a different state. So from 12-22 years old I rarely saw her, but we communicated every so often on the phone. I moved closer to family after college, my mom doesn't live in this state, but she does visit every few months.\n\nProblem: My mom can't drive, and hasn't tried since she was about 18 years old. My mom has never had a job, and there hasn't been much time in my mom's life that she hasn't lived with my grandmother. My mom still lives with my grandmother to this day. My mom has not planned for the future, and does not do much nowadays other than eat, and sleep. She does not have any money saved up, but she does get government assistance. I am worried about what will happen when my grandmother passes away. I can't spend time with my mom 24/7 like my grandmother does, because I have dreams, and a life of my own. I also am in a career field where I hope to be traveling a lot in the future. Also, part of me feels like I raised myself, and I shouldn't be responsible for my mom for the next 30 years after my grandmother passes. Giving up your adult life is a lot to ask even for someone who was raised by their mom.\n\nI want to talk about my mom all of this, but my uncle has advised me not to. I think this is something she should be aware of in advance, so she has time to plan, and get accustomed to the idea, rather than being hit with my grandmother's death, and the thought of not living with me all at once. My uncle thinks that it won't do anything but make her sad, and she won't plan for the future anyways, and I have to say he is probably right. I'm at a lost for what to do, and I'm feeling real anxiety about it all. My mom is actually pretty smart, and most of the time she is in her right mind. She hasn't had a schizophrenic episode in many years. I'm worried I'll have to give up my life's work to take care of her until she passes, which would kill me inside. I'm hoping reddit can give some advice on this, as I'm lost.\n\nEven now my mother is extremely dependent on me emotionally, and it's going to be exponential once grandmother isn't there. For example she will call me 5 times in a day at times, to talk about nothing in particular, and when I don't answer she calls my GF 10 times in a row. When we are busy and not able to answer she will get sad.\n\ntl;dr: My [24m] schizophrenic mother [48f] has been dependent on my grandmother her whole life, I'm panicking about what will happen when my grandmother passes away.", "answer": "I would talk to your grandmother first to see if she has made any arrangements for your mother in the event of her passing. Does she have guardianship or power of attorney over your mother? If so, she may have the legal authority to arrange care for your mother. If not, you still have other options. Your mother likely qualifies for a diagnosis of Serious and Persistent Mental Illness (assuming you're in the United States), which opens up many opportunities for support services. Case management, ARMHS, medication management, payee (managing finances), even semi-independent or assisted living can be available to help manage not only her mental illness, but her life in general. She will need a diagnostic assessment from a mental health provider if she has not had one recently (usually in the last year), but they will be able to make appropriate referrals. If your mother has difficulty describing her symptoms and impairments, insist on attending the appointment with her and describe your concerns. She'll have to sign a release of information for you to do so, but it could be well worth it to get the care she needs.\n\nGood luck to you, and please know there are services that can help. Your mother's care does not have to fall solely on you or other family members.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kcfi8", "comment_id": "djl341j"}, {"question": "Dating in early sobriety", "description": "Dealing with a breakup. So THIS is why you shouldn't date early in sobriety. Still not drinking and don't have any plans to pick up. Just a reminder that those old sayings are old sayings for a reason. \n\nUPDATE: Wow, thanks for the all of the insights! I should clarify that the breakup is because my SO is moving across the country; we've gotten quite close but she needed to move for work. Maybe that makes it harder.", "answer": "Alcohol impairs judgement the most for those who use it the most.  After a long time of such impairment it takes time for one's power of judgement to become reestablished and this healing is accomplished by being in relationship with people who know you very well.  Because of the shame and secrecy that accompanies addiction, people develop a habit of hiding things about themselves and so don't get the full benefit of relationships with people who have good judgement. This way people in early recovery may choose companions who are unworthy.  Wait until you have developed relationships with people with good judgement and rely on them to help you make important decisions.  Who you choose as a life partner starts as a first date and that decision is one of the most important of your life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "38nvg7", "comment_id": "crwktgf"}, {"question": "How to get rid of unwanted sexual feelings and attractions? Kind of desperate.", "description": "Please don't tell me to accept it. I can't and won't live with being someone I don't want to be and something I can't control.\n\n\nI've been have unwanted and uncontrollable (as in I have no choice in the matter) sexual attraction to other females for a few years (1.5-2-3). How can I get rid of theese? They give me anxiety and I don't like it. Please help me. This isn't who I really am and I want it to go away. It's giving me serious anxiety issues.", "answer": "Alcohol and/ or other poor coping skills. \n\nReal answer: you cant \"get rid of\" the feelings. If you could, you would have already. Furthermore, no one would ever talk about CBT/ ERP/ ACT/ Mindfulness if you could just \"get rid of\" the feelings. Unfortunately, appropriate cognitive restructuring and ERP is the only way ahemacceptanceahem. Dont kill the messenger...\n\nEdit: I'm sorry you're feeling this way. OCD and anxiety is awful, no fun, and painful. You CAN get through this. You're right, this isnt you, but you have to crawl through it to get away from it, no other way around it. We in r/OCD are here to support you. Try reading the Imp of the Mind. I think you may like it a lot. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "5jiaub", "comment_id": "dbgeb5o"}, {"question": "A guest speaker in my lecture yesterday called schizophrenics weird three times and odd but \u201cstill people, you just may need to drag them to the hospital.\u201d She is a mental health professional.", "description": "You would think it would not be that hard to ~actually~ grasp that this is really not okay to say, particularly if you have a masters in psychology. If you have all that schooling and still say and believe these things, how do other people view us? It just kinda sucks and I\u2019m disappointed.", "answer": "So I am a mental health care worker and the other posters are right. There is different levels of training and I've heard some really uninformed and hurtful comments from great professionals when they work with a group of people they don't have a passion for or do not have experience with. The fact is her comments are offensive and dismissive of what the experience is like for someone with schizophrenia day to day and if they are hospitalized. That is an incredibly scary and vulnerable time and describing it as a therapist's burden ignores a client as priority, including their feelings and experience.", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "bf2ioo", "comment_id": "elb2hkt"}, {"question": "Help please", "description": "My stomach isn\u2019t the issue. My throat is nauseous if that makes any sense. I don\u2019t want to throw up. I haven\u2019t been around anybody sick, but I just feel sick. Do you think I will throw up? Sorry for the reassurance post. Literally nothing else is wrong, but my my throat is closing it feels like. This has been going on all day. ", "answer": "I know exactly what you mean! I experience this \"throat nausea\" feeling a lot. I think for me, it's a mix of anxiety and GERD. It really sucks :( Chewing mint gum really helps me when I'm dealing with this!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "77ov54", "comment_id": "donybuj"}, {"question": "Prescribed Phentermine -- any advice?", "description": "After failed attempts with Victoza & Metformin, my weight loss doc prescribed phentermine. Originally he was thinking Contrave, but I told him it feels more like my metabolism has stopped dead vs overeating being the reason for hovering around 200lb. However, the fact that phentermine is a stimulant is freaking me out! Has anyone taken it and had a positive experience?", "answer": "2 years ago I went to a weight loss clinic and was on it for about 6 months. I lost close to 40lbs but when I stopped taking it (because of the side effects: jittery/heart palpitations) I gained all that weight back within a year. It worked, but only while I took it because it\u2019s just a stimulant - it didn\u2019t help me change any of my problematic eating behaviors.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "be7q5q", "comment_id": "el3ri3p"}, {"question": "Colpocephaly?", "description": "Hello! I've recently been diagnosed with colpcephaly. My GP can't even pronounce it and I'm being taken to hospital to study for all of next week.\n\nThe only relatives I have that I can ask are either dead or demented beyond asking or not willing to talk about it (mother). I have no idea what I'm meant to do. I was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia but now after combing the limited info on the internet this makes so much more sense.\n\nI was born 8 weeks premature in 1985 with water in the brain. My parents were told to take photos and say goodbye. That's all I know ... And I've been mostly healthy until 18 months ago when I started having seizures, migranes and general motor issues. It's destroying my life. I can barely work and I can't do anything about disability cos the doctors can't agree what is wrong lol. \n\nSo if anyone knows anything I'd love to hear it! I do not have epilepsy. Beyond that who knows.", "answer": "If you're having recurrent seizures, what makes you say that it is not epilepsy?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jis28", "comment_id": "dz00pel"}, {"question": "Haven't smoked weed in 10 years now", "description": "I'm glad this reddit exists, just found it today. Here is my story FWIW\n\nI discovered pot my freshmen year in college. Got high listening to Rush...been a fan ever since. Dont think i would have been a fan without the pot, lol. \n\nSmoked on a regular basis depending on availability between ages 20 and 30. Between 20 and 30 i got married, had a kid, went to lawschool, passed bar and became lawyer. Also had two acute episodes of depression and anxiety and had to go on anti-depressants (each bout was about 6 months on ssri). \n\nDuring this 10 year period, weed was mostly a help, not a hindrance. It helped me cope with lawschool, life demands, long drives, and i took the bar high. It chilled me out which i did need. made me less high strung. As we all know, its a great escape from the drudgery and boredom that is Life. It makes listening to music an euphoric experience and food tastes better. Road trips are so much more fun too. \n\nOf  course, no party lasts forever. Shortly after i began working at my first job as an attorney, I came home and did the usual with my husband-smoke some weed. Had a hard day at work and was looking to unwind.  But for the very first time....i got a panic attack. I thought i was going to die. Heart racing, arms tingling, all the usual shit. \n\nMy weed intake dropped off but i didn't quit. I wouldn't spaz out everytime and it was unpredictable when i would. I recall locking myself in the bathroom and sitting in the bathtub with my then 4 year old banging on the door. Low moment. \n\nI chalked it up to job stress, then bargained with myself that i would only smoke on weekends. That worked...for a while. Then i started getting panic attacks during my weekend smoke time. \n\nThen, i moved to \"just a single hitter\" on the weekend. That was ok, for awhile. Then it wasn't ok. \n\nThe long and short, is that when i was 33, i had mostly quit. Also quit the evening coffee and went down to one cup.  We had the second kid, and my sleep schedule was terrible, my job was terrible and i had been suffering from insomnia and depression. In desperation, i smoked some of my husband's pot in an effort to sleep...and ended up in the parking lot of the emergency room. After that episode, I went on SSRI for a year, and ended up on benzos for 3 years. Haven't smoked since.  Funny enough, when i left that job (after 5.5 years), within 2 weeks i fell alseep without the benzos and have been off them every since...6 years now :)\n\nFor me, the pot stopped being a fun time, an escape, a mood enhancer. It kicked me in the face over and over again. I fondly recall when pot was fun, and its like another lifetime ago. Maybe it will be fun again, who knows, but I'm not willing to try it because the mental angst of those panic attacks were awful. ", "answer": "I quit smoking pot because I got thirsty for beer when I smoked it and once I started drinking I went out of control. To stop drinking and stay stopped I had to quit pot. It\u2019s been 39 years since I quit  and as far as I can tell I haven\u2019t missed anything.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8w56uq", "comment_id": "e1twe23"}, {"question": "[f18]long distance relationship with[m18] never met in real life is this considered a real relationship and is it considered cheating if I would sleep with other people?", "description": "Well I met this guy on a site and we became friends until a moment were we found out we liked eachother I guess. We live in different countries not that far away but far away enough haha. We skype and stuff but is this considered a real relationship? Its currently only been going on for 3 months and of course he's not able to have s*x with me. But is it considered cheating if I slept with other people even though I've never met him. I like him a lot and people are probably thinking like why can you even think about sex with other people if you like him and stuff but I'm just a human with needs like any other person. So putting slutshaming aside I'd just like some answers. I haven't done anything or wanted to do anything it just kind of popped in my head because I've never done this before it's all new to me.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "It depends on your understanding with each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6i2li6", "comment_id": "dj31bzp"}, {"question": "I quit therapy!", "description": "I've had enough of therapists after therapist. This last one with the last straw. She had zero memorization skills and we saw each other weekly for a month. I had zero trust in her because of this. I was going for depression and anxiety but, I rather deal with my own issues than deal with some therapist who can't even remember my name. I still see my psychiatrist every few months to talk about my meds. Was it dumb to quit therapy?", "answer": "It might be worth it to try to talk about your frustration with a therapist. If you ultimately feel you don\u2019t need it - good for you. But don\u2019t give up. Therapy can be so transformative and amazing. But like any other relationship there are ups and downs and repair work that needs to happen. If live had a ton of therapists you may be missing out on an important aspect of therapy by ending things without trying to work it out. Just an idea though. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7j7hdu", "comment_id": "dr4du2z"}, {"question": "Disagreement with \"Gaming Disorder\" Classification", "description": "WHO recently created a new disease classification, called \"Gaming Disorder.\" You can see their article for it online [here](http://www.who.int/features/qa/gaming-disorder/en/).\n\nI am concerned about this classification, because it appears to me that it was made by people who misunderstand what is actually going on. I am afraid that people will suffer from this misunderstanding, and will not receive the treatment they require to get better. Instead, many people (especially children) could be harmed by this.\n\nI am NOT a medical health professional. However, under this new classification, I would have been diagnosed with this illness several years ago, and I have since overcome this problem. Because of these experiences I have had, I have a very good understanding of why people, especially children, play video games too much. If you want to read about my experiences, please read the CONTEXT section bellow.\n\nFirst off, this illness is focused too much on video games. Yes, video game overuse is a problem, but I think that this illness should also include overuse of other forms of media, including social networks, texting, books, magazines, comics, television, and more. If a person uses ANY form of media to the point that they refuse to participate in life, they should be classified as having this illness. For instance, if a child refuses to go to school, and stays up late reading books, this would be an example of what I am talking about.\n\nSecond off, this illness should be renamed to be something like \"Escape Disorder,\" to show that it is not solely related to video games, and to better explain the cause of this disorder in its name.\n\nA person with this disorder, would be unwilling to participate in life, and instead would spend all of his or her time \"escaping\" through the use of his or her chosen media. The best way to help someone with this disorder, is NOT to take away their chosen media, as this will cause the person to become depressed due to them not having anything to do with their life. Instead, this person should be helped so that he or she can become more willing to participate in real life. If the person is able to participate in real life again, the person will STOP using the media too much. Because of this, I do not consider this an addiction!\n\nCONTEXT:\n\nNOTE: The purpose of this is section is not to spread anger at my family. I love my parents, and they love me. They feel just as terrible about how things happened as I do. We have since grown to understand each other better.\n\nWhen I was a kid, my mother was a doctor and would come home screaming at everyone due to stress. My dad was strict, trying to keep her happy, and in turn got mad at me for stupid things. I was young, and had no idea the things were stupid, and felt guilty/scared all the time. My parents got mad even if I got an A, because it wasn't an A+, saying I'm \"smart enough to do better.\" In school, I was a victim to systematic bullying ingrained in my class, and I was sitting alone every lunch in the corner of the cafeteria. I was very depressed, and my only escape was video games. Despite my good grades, games were taken from me, and I was barely able to play anything besides crap freeware games online or pirated things, because my parents thought I played them too much. Even then, they would get very mad at me if they caught anything on my computer. I was told that cartoons were stupid, and I should be ashamed if I liked them. I was told that pokemon is stupid, and that I was better without it. After my parents noticed me watching cartoons on TV, they blocked all those channels, only leaving me to watch PBS children's cartoons when I was way too old to even care for them in sixth grade. This further separated me from my classmates, as they would talk about the latest cartoons, movies, games, etc, and I would not be able to partake. This was made worse with the fact I have breathing issues, and was never able to compete in sports. When I finally got mental help for my depression and anxiety, my mother required me to let her sit with me in each visit (she would get mad at me later if I didn't), and she would always rant to the therapist about how \"everything I think about is Video Games\" and how evil they are. The doctor would then encourage me to participate in extracurricular activities with my classmates, and to \"make more friends\" at school. I would try these things, fail, and get more depressed. Wasn't until I got a head injury from a bully classmate that almost killed me, that my mother realized her mistake. We are all on good terms now, about 10 years later.\n\nI only got better, when I was given more access media like my classmates. After this, I started my slow recovery, and I eventually overcame my anxiety and depression. When this happened, I stopped playing games as much, because in the end, I would rather spend time doing things in real life than online if its possible.", "answer": "The reason for the focus on video games specifically is there has been a major upswing in the recent years of individuals experiencing major health problems or life set backs directly related to their addiction to video games.  Research has suggested that video games, especially newer ones (this includes cell phone games as well) are specifically made with the purpose of creating an addiction and brain scans of folks with severe video game addictions are showing similar patterns to those with addictions to hard drugs.\n\n\nYou're right, anyone can become behaviorally addicted to escapist coping skills like tv, reading, table top games, etc.  The key difference right now is that as far as the research goes, those things don't create as severe of a change in brain chemistry the way that video games do.  There also haven't been as many documented cases of death or other major problems that can be directly related to these things in the ways that video games have.  \n\n\nI'm a therapist and I love video games.  I play MOBA's with friends a couple nights a week.  I think video games can be great for teaching things, helping to socialize with people who live far away, but when misused, can cause really severe problems.  This is why they classified this as a disorder.  \n\n\nThe other main practical reason is that more and more people are seeking treatment specifically for video game addiction.  If you want to use your health insurance for treatment, you need to be given a diagnosis related to that treatment.  Classifying this as a disorder helps folks who want to use their insurance for treatment of video game addiction now can and don't have to pay 100's or 1000's of dollars out of pocket.  \n\n\nI'm sorry you had such a rough childhood and it certainly doesn't sound like your parents handled your issues the right way at all.  I wish things would have been better for you, but that doesn't mean because of your experience that this isn't a legitimate problem for many folks.      ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "97ojad", "comment_id": "e4apz9s"}, {"question": "What are the repercussions of seeing counseling or treatment?", "description": "I am in my late 20s and have never sought treatment or counseling for my depression in part because I fear that it will somehow end up on my \"permanent record\" (for lack of a better term) and follow me around for the rest of my life.\n\nWill it?\n\nSpecifically I worry about things like insurance, background checks, ability to get jobs, pilots licence, won't be able to go recreational target shooting, things like that.\n\nWill those kinds of things be affected if I seek treatment?", "answer": "If you live in the Unites States, there are very strict privacy laws that explicitly bar healthcare providers, including therapists, from disclosing any information without your written approval.\n\nIf your insurance is being billed, they will have a diagnosis, but they also are bound by the privacy laws. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2en61u", "comment_id": "ck1cxz2"}, {"question": "\"Rock bottom\". Are you there yet, dear lurker? Or is this the wrong question?", "description": "Just an [article](http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/carrie-armstrong/alcoholism-rock-bottom-myth_b_3422261.html) I came across. Thought it would be food for thought for some people around here. ", "answer": "In my recovery circle I don't hear rock bottom to often. I do hear bottom pretty regularly. Like the article said it's not quantifiable. Just like being an alcoholic isn't quantifiable. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1gz9xk", "comment_id": "caperps"}, {"question": "Well, here I go. I\u2019m not looking for answers, just support", "description": "Starting off, I\u2019m a 5\u20192 male. Not strong nor weak. I\u2019ve always wanted to look for the pursuit of happiness. I haven\u2019t been able to achieve that. There\u2019s always either a person or just something in my way. I\u2019m a really nice guy, yet I feel like I get the most crap thrown at me for no reason. Always getting used, always getting laughed at, I just don\u2019t get it. I know I\u2019m not that much of an attractive person, but don\u2019t I at least deserve some sort of respect? I just wanna be happy. I\u2019ve made enemies on the stupidest of reasons in which was not my fault, but hey why not pin them on the helpless guy right? I\u2019ve been rejected numerous times and I can\u2019t take it. There have been times where I have thought deeply about harming and killing myself for a good while until I get put into focus again. I just want love, but now I\u2019m starting to believe love isn\u2019t meant for me. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me, but I\u2019m guessing there\u2019s something. I just want it all to end. I can\u2019t stay here anymore. I\u2019ve even thought of faking my death and running away. If you\u2019ve read up to here, thank you for taking your time. ", "answer": "Please don\u2019t give up.  I know exactly how you feel.  Depression is terrible but there is so much good in the world.  Happiness is there, sometimes in surprising places.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9kvqjk", "comment_id": "e724xv4"}, {"question": "(26yo M) If I talk to my therapist about physical abuse I experienced as a child from a parent that has since changed their ways, do they have to report the abuse?", "description": "I just had my first session this week and my therapist asked me if I\u2019ve ever been abused but I was afraid of saying yes. When I was a kid my dad used to beat me. I forgive my dad and he stopped being abusive and angry years ago. I know for a fact he\u2019s not a threat now. The thing is now he has my younger siblings to support and he\u2019s working on getting his citizenship and I don\u2019t want my dad to get into any kind of trouble. But this is something that has affected me mentally my whole life and I feel I might have to bring it up. I wasn\u2019t sure where to ask. Thank you.", "answer": "This depends 100% on where you live and the license of your therapist. \n\nI could not report this in my jurisdiction,  but some states do require reporting of past abuse , even when the perpetrator is deceased.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hgq4mi", "comment_id": "fw5yrqy"}, {"question": "How can i come off as hardworking and serious?", "description": "I am a hard worker! And well spoken and professional. I used to dress casually, which i dont anymore (thinking that was the problem)\nI do get recognized but the general overview of me is that I'm a relaxed person with life handed to him on a silver spoon.\n\nThis has to change!! Its so far from true.\n\n\nits funny because when younger- i loved that people thought that bout me. one of those 'How does he do it'- partied way too hard and still made honors.\n\nso. How do I change this?? how do i make management see me as a more serious employee", "answer": "Simply put, be hardworking and serious.  I'd need to know what type of job you're doing to give more specific advice.  As for general advice, \n\nfor the hardworking part:  Show up early, leave late, finish your tasks on time and ask if there's anything else you can help with.  Don't get caught on your cellphone doing non-related work activities when not on your lunch break.  Limit smoke breaks if you smoke and be very quick about them.  \n\nas for the serious part:  Above all else, be organized.  Put together reports to show your bosses what you've accomplished, what problems you've run into, and what are your plans for the coming week/month.  Do it in a way that looks like you're just stating facts and not trying to brown-nose.  Be friendly but don't be the joker at your job.  Don't complain or gossip about bosses or other employees EVER.  Don't talk in the office or to other employees about your partying way too hard.  Also a good idea not to drink/party with co-workers.  Anything you do/say while at a bar or party with co-workers can and probably will influence how you're perceived in the office even by those who weren't present.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8gixsh", "comment_id": "dycelni"}, {"question": "What does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you?", "description": "I've heard a lot of people say that they can't concentrate because they have so many other thoughts whizzing round in their head.\n\nFor me, it feels like my brain is filled with a fog and I'm very spaced out. My mind drifts off very easily but I don't usually tend to have racing thoughts. I feel almost like the lights are on but no one's home. It feels like the more I try to concentrate on something, the harder it gets. I can stare at a blank screen for hours, getting started seems to be the hardest thing, and the moment I get distracted, I'm back to square one. \n\nI'm not diagnosed with ADHD but am looking into getting an assessment soon. This is the thing that makes me think I *don't* have ADHD because I feel the opposite of what a lot of people say.\n\n\n**TL;DR**: What does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you? Does anyone else feel like there's almost no thoughts inside of their head instead of having too many racing around?", "answer": "At least for me, not concentrating seems to be a misnomer. I feel like I'm much more likely to concentrate TOO much, even on things that have no utility to the task at hand. \n\nI often feel like I'm standing before a wall of TVs tuned to all different news channels. I'm trying to concentrate on only one of them to get the really important information but my brain keeps slipping and listening to whatever else is going on around me. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "3cj2tf", "comment_id": "csw83nx"}, {"question": "DAE have an issue with creating multiple accounts?", "description": "Er...yeah. So I have multiple accounts so I can vent and no one finds me. I have one that's my main one...and that changes from time to time...(yes, I'm a regular poster here and no, I'm not posting from my main account), I have a couple of alts for when I need to post about people I'm scared are reading what I post...and I even have an alt for use in SOFFA/lovedones where I post as if I were *my* SO so I can see what those people would say about me. In stories I'll change genders/continents/ages/whatever so no one can track me.\n\n\nI know this is ridiculous and I haven't really mentioned it to anyone, but it's something stupid I do.\n\n\nAnyway, I knew someone who was posting here a while ago and I stalked him, but then he quit and I haven't found him since. Except I'm so paranoid that I now imagine he's writing posts I read under his own throwaways and basically doing the same thing I do...man, I'm fucked up.\n\nTell me I'm not the only one??", "answer": "Part of my recovery has been working on developing my identity since ive lived my entire life not knowing who I think I am. I have a few accounts (totally guilty) but I've tried to shy away from them and just use this one. It makes me feel like I'm always the same person and I'm not tempted to try out new sides of myself", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3hqlh4", "comment_id": "cua1qap"}, {"question": "Girlfriend [30/f] wants full names and a photo of every woman from my [31/m] slutty past to avoid interacting with them by surprise in person and online.", "description": "After she encountered one of my ex\u2019s profiles online by surprise the other day browsing Facebook for work, my current girlfriend has made a strong request that we go down the list of everyone I\u2019ve ever been sexual with, including a name, photo and location. \n\nIt\u2019s no secret to her that I\u2019ve slept with considerably more people than average, since I\u2019ve already shown her the list in the past of every sexual partner and what I did with them. \n\nShe claims that because she interacts with so many people in her work, she doesn\u2019t want to be caught by surprise and find out she\u2019s interacting with one of my ex partners. Many of my ex\u2019s she regards as super shitty people who contributed to unhealthy choices on my part and took advantage of me. \n\nWhile I understand this desire of hers to not be surprised, my gut reaction to this request is one of anxiety and reservation. I see so many ways that this could backfire and create more tension and insecurity for our relationship.\n\nFor one, I\u2019ve lost contact with some of these women over the years and I don\u2019t think I could find them online even if I tried. As for the ones I can find, I\u2019m worried about my gf becoming insecure based on their photos, or being judgmental about the relationships- several of which I\u2019m deeply ashamed of how I handled myself. \n\nHow can I possibly navigate this situation in a positive way? My girlfriend has been critical and judgmental about my sexual history in the past, and we\u2019ve almost broken up before over how I\u2019ve miscommunicated about my past partners.\n\ntl;dr My girlfriend wants a photo and full name of every one of my sexual partners so she\u2019s not surprised if she runs into them, I don\u2019t have everyones information and I\u2019m fairly confident she\u2019ll be disgusted, upset and left more insecure by this process. What do I do??", "answer": "she has no right to your private history", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qi7wv", "comment_id": "dkxkq75"}, {"question": "How to get over an ex?", "description": "I recently broke up with my girl friend of 2 years. I was the one who broke up with her but I still feel sad a depressed. I broke up because she hurt me a few times and I didn't want it to happen again. She already hooked up with another guy 2 days since the break up. I was wondering what I should do to get her off my mind, should I try a hook up? Or should I just focus on myself for now instead?", "answer": "just focus on yourself. grief takes time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5olkb3", "comment_id": "dck7zyi"}, {"question": "Anyone else get really depressed after big social gatherings?", "description": "I usually feel my worst after going to school events, or big parties. ", "answer": "Yeah. I am at one right now, and not feeling it. Doesn't  help it is with my fiance's family, and I don't know or have anything in common with them. Most are 20 years older and here for a relative who died recently, who I also didn't  know. They are drink too, for the most part. Makes me wish I had driven myself so I could say see ya!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jpbmz", "comment_id": "curp0y2"}, {"question": "[21/M] I have very little life experience. Please advise.", "description": "Hi, Everyone!\nI would really appreciate any advice/help. \nI can no longer talk to my parents so I don't know who else to ask this:\n\n**A bit of background:** I'm in my 2nd year of college (a rising Junior) taking summer classes before the 3rd year begins. I'm not doing particularly well and am having to work really hard for my classes. I have inherited a comfortable financial sum after my parents passed away, which is regulated, monitored, and delivered to me in small usable increments. So I am not in a tough spot, thank goodness. But this also means I haven't had the same quality interactions that would have allowed me to learn some much-needed life skills. \n\n**The situation.** There's this girl who I've talked to pretty much throughout college. Let's call her Anna. Anna and I have been in touch for 2 years (even though there wasn't really be a reason for us to be talking). We weren't particularly good friends (only had minimal interactions in the past 2 years), we don't have the same friend circles, and we don't share the same hobbies. \n\nFreshman year Anna gave me the impression that she was interested in me. But, I couldn't tell if it was her extremely friendly personality that was giving me a false impression me or if she genuinely liked me. I didn't want to complicate things so I just ignored my feelings. I stayed \"friends\" with this girl for 2 years pretty much just talking to her on snap chat on/off. Mostly killing my feeling for Anna using the distance we had given our different fields of study. \n\nNow that I'm back at UNI again Anna was  *EXTREMELY* willing to spend a lot of time with me. She invited herself over one night and I think was expecting me to make a move on her. I didnt^~~becauseimabitch~~ because I didn't want to misinterpret and ruin talking to someone I really like. We also shared some personal details that night. Now she isn't really that interested in talking to me. There is a clear change in the way she speaks/ deals with me. The same energy isn't there. I can't tell if it's because of what I said or because of my inaction. I feel awful because I don't know if I should pursue something and screw up or just squash my emotions and move on. \n\nI feel it's important for you to know that I like her not because she's a gorgeous model (i think she's very pretty but my friends disagree^~~fuckthem~~) but because her energy motivates me to do better. I want to be a better person around her. I like the way she smiles and laughs. In short, it isn't just a physical attraction. \n\nPlease advise me on what to do. \n\nI also have some questions that I would really love advice on: \n1). What would the proper method to pursue something like this be? \n2). What signs should I look for in someone that is interested in me as more than a friend?  \n3). What can I do to show my interest in her again? \n\nThank you everyone! \nPlease help a boi out. ", "answer": "ask her for coffee", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o3a1e", "comment_id": "dkebtq3"}, {"question": "Do you hyperfocus on negative thoughts?", "description": "Because I do, and it's been the cause of some of the worst moments of my life. I will get stuck in a negative idea. It could be a bad memory or a worry about the future. I will think about it obsessively until I'm having an emotional breakdown. I feel like I can't focus on anything else. The thoughts I'm having feel like the only thing that exists. It's in these moments that I've felt suicidal and engaged in self injury. \n\nIt's hard to talk about with people because, honestly, it makes me feel like a crazy person. It's also hard to explain how most of the time I'm not suicidal or extremely depressed. It's just in those moments where I feel like I can't control my thoughts.\n\nYou guys know what I mean?", "answer": "I do this! As hard as it sounds, when I have the negative thought in question I look around and pick five colours that I can see. It doesn't get rid of the feeling but it sometimes distracts me long enough to interrupt the loop for a little while.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ayfz81", "comment_id": "ei1vmwu"}, {"question": "Complete loss of libido since taking Prozac for severe PMS symptoms", "description": "F 37, 5ft7, 17stone. \n\nI've had horrendous PMS mood swings, irregular periods and anxiety which spiked mid-month and pre-cycle. I'm not ovulating regularly, not on contraception and married no kids. \n\nI have rheumatoid arthritis and severe pain issues so sex drive was pretty low anyway, but since doctor prescribed Prozac 4mths ago it has completely disappeared. The Prozac is helping my other issues but this side effect is new. No desire for sexual contact or masturbation whatsoever. \n\nAlso in the early part of taking the meds when i did have an orgasm it took a long time and felt weaker. \n\nI need to pluck up courage to ask my GP but I can't get an appointment for a few weeks anyway.\n\nI'm interested in whether this is normal, whether there is an alternative treatment for severe PMS mood issues without this side effect or whether there is another treatment or medicine I can take along with Prozac to improve my libido. \n\nI don't want to lose the benefit as my moods and anxiety are better. But this is a pretty awful side effect for me and my husband! \n\nThanks ", "answer": "Yes, it's a relatively common side effect of SSRIs like Prozac. Some people find that while one causes those issues, another (Zoloft, for example) might not. There are also some women who can take SSRIs only mid-cycle, when symptoms peak. And there are medications that can alleviate the side effects as well. You have plenty of options to get the benefits without the downsides!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9sj2yq", "comment_id": "e8p5rx9"}, {"question": "Professional Needed for Interview", "description": "Hello all! \n\nI apologize if this is against the rules\nI am a Junior undergraduate studying clinical psychology and social work at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I am currently enrolled in a Theories of Psychotherapy class, and am asking for some assistance. One of our assignments is to interview a professional in this field about their method of practice, how they run their practice, why they chose that particular model, things like that. If anyone would be willing to do a quick interview that would be great! We could either video chat or message, whatever is easiest/most comfortable. If you would be willing to help me out, please PM me. Thank you again!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of people willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmwn73", "comment_id": "fl90hdu"}, {"question": "What are highly skilled therapists better at?", "description": "When compared to typical therapists, what are highly skilled/more experienced therapists better at than a typical therapist, say that warrants charging a higher rate $200 as opposed to $100 hourly?", "answer": "In a word \u201cSpecialization\u201d. I specialize in postpartum issues and charge about $200 per hour.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffosv5", "comment_id": "fjzxxly"}, {"question": "boyfriend doesn't seem interested in me anymore??? am I being crazy????", "description": "my boyfriend and i have only been together for six months but i'm worried he's starting to lose interest in me. We're 19 and 18 and freshman in college and have spent the past year living three doors down from each other. He's always on his phone around me but seems very apologetic when i tell him i get upset, overall he just seems less attracted, he wants to have sex less, even turning me down when i tried it, he touches me and kisses me less, and overall seems to leave anytime a friend contacts him to hang out. Am i being dramatic or does he seem to not be interested anymore\n\n\nalso feel like i may not be giving him the credit he deserves. Hes very observant and always notices when i seem upset and pushes me to talk about it when i say it's fine until i tel him. Sometimes i just feel like he's not putting in as much effort as he used to", "answer": "talk to him about it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw9sz", "comment_id": "dhi8eto"}, {"question": "[23f] Just found out my husband [26m] is incest.", "description": "Some backstory: My husband and I have been together for 7.5 years, married for three, have two little boys, and another baby (don't know the sex yet) on the way. He was amazing until we got married, which is when things began to go downhill. He is in the Navy, I stay home with the kids, so he is gone a lot. After we married, I found things on the computer that were disturbing; he had been talking to other women, including his ex, and young girls as young as 13 years old (on dating sites, facebook, craigslist). I didn't know how to react at first because he is the father of my children and I didn't want to put him in jail (for talking to children), I wanted to confront him. He admitted it and admitted he had a problem and agreed to get help. Fast forward a few months, I catch him trying to talk to other Navy wives, he does the same thing and cries and apologizes and blames it on his sexual addiction and he goes into therapy. I don't have a job, and basically am totally dependent on him (I know, big mistake) and my family can not help me or take us in. Yesterday I found out that when he was 13, he had sex with his little sister who was 9 at the time and he continued having sex with her for 6 years. He said he stopped having sex with her once we were together, which I don't know if I believe. His whole family lied and covered it up and his mother never got him help for him but she now says she has only known about it for the past few years. What disturbs me the most is that they kept it a secret and we have children together. My oldest son who is 5, was showing signs of abuse starting at the age of 2 and now I am questioning whether he has done something to our son or not. I don't know what to do, or how to move forward, I am freaking out and I need some honest opinions on what to do...Feel free to ask anything if it would help with any advice. \n\n\nEdit:\nThank you so much everyone, this was very helpful and I feel like I have hope now. ", "answer": "I second what everyone said, with one added thought-- document, document, document. Contact a lawyer on the down low and find out what you can do. You don't want to get a divorce only to then end up with your ex getting unsupervised visitation with the kids!  I would find out what the recording laws are where you are (can you legally record when only one person is aware it's being recorded) and get him to talk about what he did with his sister, the child porn on his computer, him seeking out young girls for sex... Etc.  the other thing I would do is take control of the computer-- maybe put a key catcher (records the strokes of what people are typing on the computer) to catch him in the act/on chats, etc....  Then I would also take that computer and keep it as evidence so he can't destroy it.  Make sure you check with your lawyer so you do all this in a legal manner that can't be contested.  Then you'll have all this proof when you go to court to get sole custody of your kids about why he's an unfit parent and shouldn't be allowed near them, EVER.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "15uah0", "comment_id": "c7q33hk"}, {"question": "[25/f] My ex [23/m] wants to 'win me back' but do you think he is capable of fixing his negatives?", "description": "My Ex and I have been broken up with no contact for 4 months. He popped back into my life the other day saying he missed me and thinks about me all the time, and that he still hopes to marry me one day. He admitted and apologized to ruining our relationship by basically treating me like shit: silent treatment, venting about me to anyone who would listen, being secretive, disrespecting my boundaries, and generally abandoning me when he got too overwhelmed to work on our relationship. So I moved out after 6 months of trying to get him to see he was making a mistake, and cut all ties. I was so heart broken I suffered many panic attacks, dissociation, barely slept, etc. etc. I put myself back together and have many positives in my life, finally forgave him within my heart, but resolved that I will always love him unconditionally and may never get to the point where I stop thinking about him even if I find love with someone else. \n\nHe asked me what he needs to do to be with me again. He is coming over tonight to talk about it. Do you guys think he is capable of being a better man in that he will be able to stop using childish tactics to avoid issues, and he will be able to respect me if I lay it all out for him? I just don't want to go through the pain again if I let myself get re-attached just to be disappointed. He definitely has narcissistic traits but is not a full blown narcissist, and I don't know how easily those things can be altered. \n\n\nUPDATE: He agreed without hesitation to go to consistent counseling so we'll see how it goes. He was surprisingly open to it. ", "answer": "don't go back unless he starts couple therapy with you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lmle7", "comment_id": "djuwflh"}, {"question": "My GF [22], claims shes 21, is addicted to Reddit. How can I get her to put down the app and give a guy some attention?", "description": "Im feeling very neglected lately and i think she secretly posts our problems/ stories to Reddit and always hits me with somme pretty good facts and advice that you redditers post. You guys have really changed our lives. But back to the issue at hand, SHES ALWAYS ON REDDIT. Morning, noon, night, dawn, pre dawn, midnight and LITERALLY aaall the time.", "answer": "she'll likely get addicted to some other behavior. she sounds very immature too", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cyedm", "comment_id": "dhydn5k"}, {"question": "(AA) fourth step", "description": "hey yall! first off, this post is pretty AA (or at least 12-step) specific so my apologies if that's not your thing - tho obviously feel free to read anyway.\n\ni just finished what i'll call the \"rough draft\" of my fourth step inventory (i imagine a few more things will come to me over the next few days)...  it was definitely a bit more intense than i anticipated. i'm already feeling a bit calmer/better than i did when i started to write this post, something i'll attribute to the huge decrease in emotional volatility i've had since getting sober. \n\nanywho, it was just perhaps a bit disconcerting to remember different ways i've been a terrible asshole over the years- i know bad shit has happened TO me, the resentments part was easy enough (and i know it's not all bad shit happening TO me there, but i digress), but remembering some of the things i've blocked out of my memory because they don't jibe with my self-concept as a Perfect Nice Good Person- didn't expect that! anyway, i know that this is all good and an opportunity to grow and be a better person, but i just wanted to type this all out - problem solved/problem halved etc. i also wrote out some of my good qualities afterwards to avoid turning the whole thing into some kind of beating-myself-up-pity-party.\n\nfourth step experiences/war stories/advice? :)", "answer": "My first thorough fears inventory changed my life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1j767z", "comment_id": "cbbyacu"}, {"question": "Lightheaded/dizzy when standing on new medications", "description": "24 year old white male. 5'10 and 170lbs. Daily medications: 40mg of Paxil; 300mg of Wellbutrin; 80mg of Propranolol; 10mg of Lipitor; 5 mg of Terazosin; Benzo (PRN- rarely)\n\nThis medication combo is for anxiety disorders, and before the meds I previously had high blood pressure (usually around 160/90mmHg+). My psychiatrist prescribed all of these except the Lipitor, and I take the Propranolol mainly for anxiety control, but it helps that it also helps with BP. I take the Terazosin for Paxil induced night sweats, and it works great (I started at 1mg, but it was not fully effective until I hit 5mg).\n\nMy BP is now around 100/60mmHG when I take it on my home device. Nearly every time I stand up, my vision gets a little spotted, I feel lightheaded, weak, and almost out-of-body slightly. \n\nI finally feel comfortable with my medication combination, but I am getting annoyed with the lightheadedness. I am not scheduled to go back to my psychiatrist for another few months, so I was wondering if anyone had any ideas in how to improve this at this time? Someone told me smelling salts, but that seemed a bit archaic.\n\nThanks", "answer": "The simplest intervention is to increase your sodium and fluid intake. That might be helpful.\n\nAnother thing to try is standing up slowly and tensing muscles right before and as you do so to try to increase the blood returned from the veins in your limbs to your heart.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8lyoar", "comment_id": "dzjhqgf"}, {"question": "The most difficult part of an essay: Planning and synthesis. And how to overcome this.", "description": "So I have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. I guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, ADHD-addled brain. \n\nBut then the dread kicks in when I have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. Being a perfectionist, I'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. So this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when I've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. But I really want to work on avoiding this so I can plan in peace. \n\nAnyway, I've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. I make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. So the ideas basically progress logically down the rows. \n\nThen the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. For this part, I copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so I have a copy next to me while planning the essay. This avoids scatter. \n\nSo after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, I cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And if it's a shorter essay, I filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the MOST useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)\n\nIt's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. Just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety I am currently experiencing.", "answer": "Sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you.  I have a similar one where I outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where I plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. I also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. To help, I do a \"Pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. For example, a 10 Page paper with 3 weeks to complete means I can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review.  At first I just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then I read each section to adjust content and syntax. I find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when I have something already on the page.  The trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "dm32q8i"}, {"question": "I feel too nerdy at times and i'm not sure if I should look into more hobbies or not", "description": "I'm not sure if this belongs here but i'm honestly not sure where to ask this.\n\nAnyway, as the title says, i'm a nerdy guy. I play boardgames, videogames, i read books, and thats most of who i am espeically hobbys wise.\n\nIssue is, i'm worried that's \"all\" I am. I'm fine being a nerd, I enjoy the culture (the positives, not the toxicity shit) but i'm not sure if I should branch out into more \"general\" hobbies (things i'd like of course, i'm not gonna say watch X tv show just because other people like it) to be more relatable or not.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being eclectic.  You don't have to love everything as much as you love your core interests, but it's extremely helpful socially to at least have a base knowledge of and be able to enjoy many different things.  \n\n\nI had a guitar teacher once tell me when I was really young that when it comes to music it's ridiculous to say you don't like an entire genre.  If you look hard enough, you can find some aspect that you really appreciate.  Life is better when you focus on the small things you can take joy in rather than discounting things.  I try to apply this to as much as I can in my life and encourage others to do the same.  \n\n\nExample, you might not love sports, but if you can understand it just enough, you might appreciate watching it and the camaraderie that goes along with it.  \n\n\nYou might not love cooking and foodie stuff, but you might learn to appreciate the skill and competitiveness when it comes to cookie shows and competitions.  \n\n\nFind a way to take joy in as many things as you can, while holding your core interests close.  It'll give you a basis to relate to many more people and open up social opportunities in a completely genuine way.  All friendships start based off of shared interest.  You don't have to be an expert fanboy to say you're into this or that.  Just a base knowledge and general curiosity.  \n\n\nP.S.  I'm also a huge NERD for plenty of things including board games.  Board games and DnD are gaining popularity so fast that soon it won't be too hard to find a good group of friends with these interests.  What are you playing right now?  I'm an avid and regular DnD player.  We also love Codenames, Secret Hitler, Lords of Waterdeep, and Anomia.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pmtgm", "comment_id": "e0cgjye"}, {"question": "I now hate my life and myself", "description": "Hey. I am not sure if I belong here but it seems like a place where people will understand me. If I am breaking any rules then I am sorry and will be out.\n\nIts just that I am not an alcoholic. I never drank for more than 3 days in a row and mostly didn't drink if I had to work next day and I have no trouble refusing if somebody offers me a drink now. I am more of a binge drinker who can't stop when started until I blackout. If alcohol is over before I blackout I feel a sort of desperation. So I drank like that  1-3 times a week for over a decade.\n\nAnd then a few years ago I decided to stop. I am not even sure why anymore. Maybe because I fell on my face and broke two of my teeth on two different occasions in one year, because I am now with an actual alcoholic or because I was afraid I may say something or cheat on him by accident. Not sure. Only now I really hate life. It is all grey and depressing.Nothing got better like for example when it comes to work but everything else just got worse. I tried to find ways to have fun without drinking but I just can't. Its like if you ever felt true fun all the substitutes just don't live up to it. I also don't really know who I am anymore. I guess I identified myself too much with being a fun, wild drunk. I loved all the stories of what I did when drunk and actually enjoyed all the positive and negative things people were saying about me. Now I don't know where to put myself. I try to get my boyfriend to quit and that not just because I worry about him but because I feel jealous when I see him drunk. I hate his friends who come to drink with him because I imagine myself drinking with them. It hurts when I see my old friends now being his friends asking what happened with me. They all probably think I am a stuck up bitch who is against fun. And I can't find any new friends because I have no idea how to connect with people anymore (acquaintances yes, but no friends) . I did get drunk a couple of times in the past 3 years but only like 5 times per year and his friends all said they like me more that way which I get, I agree with them. I started getting high on opiates but this doesn't help as it isn't a very social drug.\n\nBasically everything is absolutely awful and I don't know how to change it. I keep on telling myself that I will go back and plan to get a vodka bottle on Friday but something always stops me. I think mainly because of my parents who are so happy with the change in me because they can't see how miserable I am and I don't want to hurt them. Back in the days I didn't care about that, I only cared about what I wanted and I miss this too.\n\nAnyways. I am sure people here felt this way and can maybe give some sort of advice? Did you ever find the same happiness without drinking, made any real friends, found a way to be happy with who you are etc.?", "answer": "The term \u201cAlcoholic\u201d is no longer used in medical terminology. The correct term is \u201cAlcohol Use Disorder\u201d. Medically speaking you meet the diagnostic criteria for an alcohol use disorder.  The only requirement for membership for AA is a desire to stop drinking. If drinking causes problems it is a problem. If you persist in a behavior after that behavior causes problems, it will help to examine what positive benefits you gain from it.  I suggest you try 90 days of abstinence while attending AA meetings and introduce yourself as someone who is sampling sobriety and seeking to learn new ways of coping.  I suspect that your inner life has not provided you with the peace and contentment that you would prefer. AA offers a 12 step process of recovery that addresses the problem of living according to spiritual values. Each of the steps has a spiritual theme. The first is honesty. Getting honest about how drinking is harming you is necessary. If you persist in drinking when it\u2019s harmful you aren\u2019t being honest. AA calls that powerless. The second principle is hope. AA provides plenty of evidence for reason to hope for a better life than the one you\u2019re living. The third principle is faith. In AA you will meet people who have been revitalized by their reliance on a power greater than themselves, and AA suggests you define what that is for yourself.  The fourth principle is courage. Self examination is a necessary part of the process and self deception will sabotage your recovery. That is why it is necessary to share it with another.  The rest of the steps build on this process, each step preparing you for the next one. Finally you achieve a sense of indescribable freedom. This is described in the promises that are given in the AA literature.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "f9snay", "comment_id": "fiugw4x"}, {"question": "How does outpatient even work?", "description": "I have bipolar, anxiety, and a smattering of other illnesses, but bipolar and anxiety are the ones I have the most trouble with. I think outpatient would be beneficial to getting me back on the right track (plus group therapy is a good idea because right now I just stay inside by myself all day) but I have no idea how to even go about becoming a part of a program. I have insurance, live in Missouri, and need help. Any advice/educational posts are appreciated.", "answer": "First look into your insurance. Call the number on the back of your card, or go online to see what your insurance covers. Find a place you like the best, and give them a call. Tell them what's going on, and that you'd like to start some services. They will schedule an intake with you, where you get to meet a therapist and figure out what's going on, and what kind of help would be best.\n\nIf you don't have insurance, this is what you do.\n\n1. Get insurance.\n2. See above steps.\n\nIf you really don't feel like getting insurance, find some therapeutic services close to you and call them. Ask them if they take out-of-pocket clients, and set up an intake with them.\n\nOutpatient services mean you will go and see a therapist.\nInpatient services mean you will go and stay somewhere for a while and see a therapist.\nIn-home services means a therapist comes to your home and works with you.\nMeds help a lot of people. Look into that if you want.\nGroup is group. You know what group is.\n\nThere are tons of different types of therapy. Finding the ones you like best is key.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bicuf", "comment_id": "d19yma9"}, {"question": "My Blood test. any advice please...", "description": "HI, there is my blood test results and some of results are not match to reference interval. It isn't made in US, but i think DOCs can understand.\nI am male, 27. taking gabapentin, and phenibut or baclofen(for anxiety). Thank you!\n\nhttps://s30.postimg.org/fqsxnmr4h/213.jpg", "answer": "My Georgian isn't good , but it looks pretty normal. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5npoe3", "comment_id": "dcduvcb"}, {"question": "Need vs Want conundrum", "description": "I recently started seeing a therapist for relationship issues (basically I suck at maintaining an adult relationship). He had me do an exercise, write down what I \"need\" in a relationship.\n\n​\n\nWhen I start doing this, I keep going back to 'want' and not 'need'. Anyone else have issues with this?", "answer": "This is particularly tough for a lot of folks, especially if they've never really thought about it.  \n\nI use this exercise with most of my clients that are dealing with unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, or even decent relationships but ones where communication could be improved.  \n\n\nOne way that I find helpful with clients is to discuss needs in terms of \"deal breakers\". \n\nFor instance, some of my personal needs/deal breakers are the following:\n\nI need there to be no physical abuse - If my partner ever punched me or hit me with something in anger, even one time, that would likely be enough for me to end the relationship.  \n\nI need my partner to not have any issues with hard drugs - If I find out my partner was addicted to heroin/cocaine/meth and somehow had been keeping this secret, upon finding out, the relationship would be over.  \n\nI need my relationship to be monogamous and my partner to be faithful - any cheating, we're done.  No if's, ands, or buts.  \n\nI need a partner who shares the majority of the values that are important to me - wants to have kids, wants to maintain relationships with friends, is not religious or belonging to a church, is respectful of my relationships with my friends/family, a few more.  \n\n\nI have some more but just wanted to give an example.  \n\n\n\nI have countless wants.  I want a partner who:  Like similar music, has a few shared hobbies, either likes or is willing to put up with my various obsessions: D&D, football, hockey, video games.  Someone who is vegetarian or is at least willing to eat mostly vegetarian at home (as I am).  Someone I can have intellectual conversations with, Someone who isn't a neat freak, Someone who enjoys good beer and whisky, someone my friends get along with, someone who can contribute financially nearly the same as me, someone who likes board games, someone who likes animals, etc.  \n\n\nI could go on and on with this too.  The key is that for the relationship to be a healthy one, you need to be honest with your needs/deal breakers and follow through with a break up if/when that line is crossed or have some plan such as (These are dealbreakers but if they occur and I haven't explicitly talked to the person about it, I'll have the discussion the first time it's crossed but after that it's set in stone and it's game over.)\n\n\nFor a relationships to be healthy, you don't need to get all of your wants met all of the time.  In fact, expecting that is completely unrealistic, even if it seems like your partner meets that during the honeymoon phase.  \n\n\nSo long as you have enough of your wants met enough of the time to tilt the balance between those and the things you don't like/want in favor of the positive while having all needs met, the relationship can be a healthy one.  So long as this is the case for both partners.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fd8vw1", "comment_id": "fjhr3o8"}, {"question": "Is United Airways a good airline?", "description": "I'm a really nervous flyer, so when I need to fly I usually choose an airline I know and trust, but I can't choose this time and I want to know if this airline is safe enough.", "answer": "Hey fellow nervous flyer here ! Is it the Bangladesh company you are talking about ? ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "47ed46", "comment_id": "d0deji7"}, {"question": "Do I have an eating disorder? I don\u2019t feel motivated to eat as much as my body needs for some reason.", "description": "19f, 5\u20192, 116 lbs, white. Currently diagnosed with iron deficiency and general anxiety disorder. No prescription or recreational drug use. \n\nFor the past few months, I have not felt the need to eat as much as I probably should. I don\u2019t really like eating, and even when I\u2019m hungry I\u2019ll often decide \u201ceh, I don\u2019t really feel like eating right now\u201d and just go hungry. I frequently skip meals and often go to bed on an empty stomach because I just don\u2019t feel like I need food. I feel like I basically have to force myself to eat sometimes. \n\nI think my health is starting to suffer. I know my current weight is healthy for my height, but this month is the first time since I was 14 that I weigh less than 120 pounds. I\u2019m used to weighing about ten pounds more than I currently weigh. I feel malnourished. I\u2019m always, always, always tired and I frequently feel ill. I want to be able to eat more. I\u2019m not trying to lose weight, and I want to be adequately nourished. I don\u2019t know why my brain has decided that I need less food than I actually do. \n\nIs there a name for the situation I\u2019m in? Who should I talk to to figure out what my problem is and how to treat it? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Just not being hungry, alone, is not one of the standard eating disorders. If you're feeling ill, that can be a reason not to be hungry. The question then is why you feel ill so much and are losing weight. If you haven't already seen a doctor, I think it would be important for you to do so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hnj5pr", "comment_id": "fxbpg35"}, {"question": "Has anyone had any luck with rogaine?", "description": "My dermatologist keeps recommending it. He wants me to use the men\u2019s rogaine foam once a day. I just don\u2019t know how I feel about the price of it.", "answer": "Costco has a generic brand with the same active ingredient and the 6 month package costs less than one of rogaine.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "bfkdce", "comment_id": "elehr2d"}, {"question": "Dumping a therapist, any tips?", "description": "I've been seeing my current therapist for about 9 months and I don't think it's working out, she's great to talk to but offers no actual help, then she went AWOL for a month and now the final straw is that I found they've been charging both me and my insurance.\nAnyway all that to say how to I end it with her? Just the thought of it is giving me panic attacks.\nThanks", "answer": "Psychologist here.  You don't owe your therapist anything and can just walk away if you want to.  It would be nice if you would make clear that you are leaving and if you want why.  You can request a list of alternative therapists too.    I belong to several lists and we write each other for who has skills and room for clients all the time.  The ideal thing from the therapist pov is to do a termination session or two to say goodbye and review progress and for the therapist to make recommendations.  But this is not required.  ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "2c9but", "comment_id": "cjdah5n"}, {"question": "[36/M] How to get over being cheated on [38/F]", "description": "To be clear, the relationship is over.\nLet's start with the ending.  She called me up last minute and tearfully told me she needed the weekend to herself.  Something came up and i had to call her.  At the end of the call she turns everything around and breaks up with me.  I'm too angry to live with she said, but she can't point out anything I've done in anger. I offer to read up on anger management, maybe see a therapist if needed.  Not good enough, nothing is good enough.  We keep talking stretched over days, next I'm manipulative. Because I pouted that one time she felt tired and didn't want to make guacamole. (I wasn't trying to get her to make it, I was expressing disappointment as she wanted to show me \"her way\").  She wouldn't talk about the good things, and instead told me she didn't feel listened to.  Which was even more odd as she said the exact opposite many times in the relationship.  \"My walls are up\"  \"I hope you move on soon\" ended the final exchange.\n\nAlways one to question, I read a solid book on anger management.  Enlightening yes, but not for reasons I expected.  Turns out I'm very low anger and not half bad at managing what anger I have.  Still a good read.  So, my mind starts to wonder... what really happened? I look back over our texts like no sane person would. I see the times she went to lunch with single coworkers who she thought had a crush on her. Lunch here, dinner there.  Followed by long stretches of no texts and what now look like very flimsy reasons for going awol when I was generally expected to be responsive.  I think back to her talking about the last guy she dated before me.  I remember the timeline was confusing as though they'd broken up possibly only days before.  At the time i passed it off, I trusted her... she wouldn't hurt me like that.  I now remember that for the breakup call she was standing on her balcony, freeway noise in full force.  It was late in the morning, almost noon and the early riser was still in bed.  She had to \"wake up\" and go outside where it's noisy to talk to me?  He was already there... It was over before she even hinted it to me. \n\nIn hindsight, I completely missed it.  She started replacing me at least a month ago while simultaneously dangling the specter of moving in with me later in the year.  I gave the relationship my all, I have no idea what I was to her.\n\nSo, as the initial question stands.  How do you move on once someone does you like this?  Trust is already a delicate thing, and she clearly abused mine.  \n", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ls2sx", "comment_id": "djwbh72"}, {"question": "Should I be worried about my girlfriend?", "description": "Hey so not asking for myself but for my gf. Shes 5'4 140ish pounds, hald filipina, half black. \n\nEarlier today she was sucking on a cbd lollipop and i was next to her. I got startled by something (im very jumpy, i have anxiety) and jolted my arms up really hard. My hand accidentally struck the stick of the lollipop on its way up and because of the leverage her head got pushed and snapped back very violently and the lollipop brok in her mouth.\n\nShe said she was fine but i have bad concussion anxiety so i was wondering what anyone thought and if this could be concussive force?", "answer": "Probably not. It sounds like you didn't actually hit her head directly. She could have a whiplash injury, but even that sounds unlikely. If she says she feels okay, you can probably believe her.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pcte5", "comment_id": "e0al0pz"}, {"question": "How do I keep a conversation going or start a conversation when I have cannot think of something to say?", "description": "I find myself to be in this situation quite a lot if I am having a conversation with someone I hang out with. At some point the other person is done with a story and I have no things to add or ask some more then it get silent for a while and I can't think of anything to say eventually the other person goes on with another subject and I just listen most of the time.\n\nI am not really good at telling story's or just get a subject out of the blue I simple fall silent and feel like a statue at this point it is really awkward most of the time. Of-course sometimes silence is good but not when it happens so often. I am a quiet person by nature but not really shy I simply don't have anything to say.", "answer": "I wrote a full [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) which should be pretty helpful for you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3p4sc3", "comment_id": "cw3c4qf"}, {"question": "Lexapro for Panic Disorder?", "description": "Gender: Male  \nHeight: 6ft  \nWeight: 215lbs  \nSmoking: minor chewing tobacco use  \nMedications: metoprolol, Lexapro\nPrevious conditions: hypertension, eczema  \nSymptoms: worrying constantly about panic attacks which cause panic attacks (nausea, rapid heart rate, losing feeling in limbs)\n\nI\u2019ve been googling a ton but can\u2019t seem to find any comprehensive results. I\u2019ve been having panic attacks and my doctor put me on Lexapro. I\u2019ve seen online that it helps with generalized anxiety disorder but it doesn\u2019t seem approved to help with Panic Disorder.  Does Lexapro help with panic attacks?", "answer": "There\u2019s good evidence for all the SSRIs in panic disorder and there\u2019s limited evidence to choose one over another. I found a decent [review article](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2656325/#idm139907891365552title) on escitalopram (Lexapro) for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e469j6", "comment_id": "f988xvl"}, {"question": "Klinefelter Syndrome, Testosterone Therapy questions (M, 22)", "description": "I'm interested what my chances are, as a 22 year old, to develop physically still further. What would be your recommended therapy, so I can compare it with my doctor's?\n\nThanks in advance", "answer": "[Klinefelter syndrome](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/klinefelters-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6f2f6b", "comment_id": "diexpe2"}, {"question": "200 days today and I'm seriously considering drinking.", "description": "I'm laying in bed and my family is not here. I'm thinking about going to grab some cash out of the atm and go to the store and just get a little bottle. Nothing bad has happened to me and life is good but I just want to check out.  **UPDATE*** I WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT 4 MINI BOTTLES AND GOT HOME MIXED WITH COKE STARED AT IT AND THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT POSTED I FOUND THE STRENGTH TO DUMP IT DOWN THE TOILET. I WAS SHAKING AFTER I DUMPED IT. IWNFDWYT!!", "answer": "Well done mate... seriously, that\u2019s really brave. IWNDWYT \n\nAre you relieved? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o5quk", "comment_id": "e7s36h3"}, {"question": "I'm convinced I'm a bad girlfriend", "description": "I'm a 17/F that has been dating a 21/M for almost 6 months now. I honestly feel like I treat him like trash, despite him saying otherwise, I just feel like he's using ex gfs as a comparison and deciding I treat him better. I get so mad at him over nothing, if he doesn't do something I've suggested or sometimes (the majority of the time) he hasn't done anything at, I've gotten annoyed at something else, and I take my frustration out on him, I'm very short with him and sometimes I don't answer him in person (basically for no reason. I can go from fine to mad over nothing in a second and back again and it just seems like it's all of the time, and I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm bipolar because of how often it is. ", "answer": "- that's not how bipolar works. \n- what triggers the sudden upset?  Like a concrete example?\n- does he bring up his ex-gfs or do you just speculate about them?\n- it's his responsibility to tell you what does and does not work for him. Not your responsibility to mindread. \n- hopefully he'd know that, as the older partner. \n- at your ages, 4 years is a significant gap. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gq7ue", "comment_id": "dis9gu8"}, {"question": "I want to see a psychiatrist but I have no money and no health insurance. What can I do?", "description": "Things are going very badly in my life.  I want to see a psychiatrist but I don't have any money or health insurance.  What can I do.  I'm not working and I tried to look for work but I can't concentrate.  Life is too hard and I dont' want to live anymore.  ", "answer": "If you live near a university, most of them that offer degrees in counseling have a free clinic attached to them ( or sliding scale-- the clinic near me charges $1-$30 per session, depending on family income. Most people pay just $5 per session.). Call the department and ask! Good luck!", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1e6yo2", "comment_id": "c9xfmu7"}, {"question": "Should I get checked out for rabies?", "description": "I\u2019m a 20 year old female, 132 lbs, 5\u20197\u201d.\n\nI was drunk one night with friends and we were walking to a party when I saw a cat- too young to be an adult and too old to be a kitten. It was very docile and calm so one of my friends and I (we both long animals) approached it. It was a little shy and laid down and cowered a little before we began petting it.\n\nI admit that I was a bit too rough with it because I was not in the right state of mind and was excited so I was petting the cat much like how you pet a big dog- roughhousing and the like. I picked up the cat several times and attempted to carry it and each time it jump out of my arms. It would follow me constantly but stop eventually and lay on the sidewalk staring at me. \n\nThe last time that I pet it, it was calm at first but out of nowhere it scratched me and bit my hand. The bite was deep enough that it has a narrow scab but didn\u2019t draw blood. The bite was a little out of season because the cat was literally playing with me up until that point but I also realize that since it was a stray it may not know how to act around people so biting could just be a defensive response not trained out of this.\n\nI did research and was surprised to see how long it takes the virus to show symptoms in humans- 3 to 9 weeks. It will be a week since the bite tomorrow (Saturday). So far I feel normal. No real change in me. \n\nThere are a lot of tests involve and I don\u2019t have the time for that especially since I\u2019m a college student. I also overreact a lot and my friends keep saying that I should go to the hospital to have the tests done. I don\u2019t want to spend all that money and there\u2019s nothing wrong.\n\nThe bit is healing fine and my gut is telling me it\u2019s okay. But I just want a second opinion. I know anything is possible but I honestly don\u2019t think the cat had rabies. Only 1 or 2 people die from rabies in the US and I heard some 45000 contract it. \n\nI\u2019m not try to play the what if game...\n\nIt\u2019s just unsettling because this virus can actually be fatal especially once symptoms show. So it\u2019s basically a waiting game... ", "answer": "I think you have a misunderstanding. Once the virus shows symptoms it is almost invariably fatal; if you were exposed you often must be treated without really knowing whether you were infected or not. Testing the animal is the easiest way to know, but it's likely that you can't find the cat now. There were not thousands of cases in the US; there were a few dozen in the past two decades, partially because of aggressive prophylaxis after possible exposures.\n\nRabies is actually fairly rare, and bites from an animal that isn't obviously sick are very unlikely to cause rabies. You are probably fine. But the risk of being wrong is contracting rabies and dying. Ultimately we can't tell you what to do, just that the risk is very low but non-zero that you were infected and the risk of untreated infection is virtually 100% mortality.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9bmn2r", "comment_id": "e548xrw"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Some amount of discharge isn\u2019t so rare during puberty among boys, but it can be something more serious. I wouldn\u2019t worry, but I would discuss with your doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jxnk8j", "comment_id": "gcy08lk"}, {"question": "Hello Reddit users. I need your advice on what this woman thinks of me?", "description": "I went to the dentist yesterday, and there was this beautiful fair skinned lady. My guess would be shes between 26-31 years of age considering shes a dentist. Anyways, while i was in the chair, i caught her sneak and glance into the room. Like a quick glance but she look at me briefly. She walked back and forth through the hallway either once or twice, i cant really remember. She stayed in her office next door with another woman for about 10-15 minutes while i was getting my procedure done. Literally as soon as i was done she stood at the door and smiled at me and i smiled and winked back as i was caught of guard. Was that a coincidence?, Also i am 20 years old, but i look like a 15-16 year old kid. I have no hair on my face, i am 5\"8 , i weigh 156 pounds. If any of this does mean anything, What could she possibly see in me? I would say i am attractive, usually its high school girls that approach me because i look so young. They say on a 1-10 attractiveness scale (Kind of ridiculous and immature right?), that i am an 8-8.5. Some have even said a 9. What do you guys think about this? I desperately need help with this as its been on my mind.", "answer": "This won't be the advice you are looking for but, here goes.  It is really hard to judge her reaction to you without physically being there to read the body language.  Also your are going to have a skewed view of her since you want her to be attracted to her.  If you really want to find out if she likes you, you have to ask.  There is no easy way around it and strangers on the internet don't have the answer of whether she likes you or not.  Ask if she wants to go out for a drink or something sometime.  Tailor the sentence how yo wish.  Now a work of caution.  One of two things happens.  Either she accepts your request for fun and you start down that path.  Or she denies your request and now you have a dentist that you will always look at and wonder what could be.  Having a relationship in an area of your life that initial served another purpose can be tricky.  Even if you do get in a relationship with this woman you have to be prepared for all outcomes.  ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "46j3qd", "comment_id": "d05k4ru"}, {"question": "[26f] I have a general question, guys.. what are some things you would change if you started really having feels for your FWB?", "description": "8 months I have had I guess you could say a FWB [30m] and his behavior/our conversation has changed quite a bit recently and I can't tell if he is taking this more serious or if I am now being literally just friend-zoned.\n\n", "answer": "be direct. talk about converting to a real rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6stskd", "comment_id": "dlfgfsl"}, {"question": "Walked out on my therapist, need to get it off my chest (long)", "description": "(This got long... TL;DR: Walked out of therapist\u2019s office after ~12 weekly sessions that felt inconsistent and disorganized, jumping around to different approaches without going in-depth. I felt ill-prepared to do a task therapist pushed me to tackle. Failed that task, and was met with criticism I felt was unnecessary and tactless. Was told that my anxiety is normal, yet somehow so severe that therapy can not help me unless I am medicated. Hoping to find a therapist who clicks better with me, and make a path of progress.)\n\n\nI\u2019ve heard many times that you gotta work with different therapists and find someone who clicks well with you. Makes sense. Still, this experience of leaving this therapist has me feeling guilty, stressed, and questioning myself, and I just need to get it off my chest.\n\n\nAfter not seeing a therapist for ~1.5 years, I began seeing this doctor weekly a few months ago. My first impression of her was her demeanor, the word \u201cbrusque\u201d comes to mind. I\u2019d never gotten this vibe from a therapist, but figured maybe I need someone a bit tough who won\u2019t coddle me. I expressed to her at our first session that I am seeking help with anxiety and depression, specifically to learn coping mechanisms for when my anxiety impedes me from doing important tasks, like taking steps to move forward in my career. I get overwhelmed, and \u201ccope\u201d by avoiding. I do other tasks that feel productive but avoid the important life stuff. Told her I was interested in CBT, she said great let\u2019s do that. But working with her wasn\u2019t the step by step path that hoped it\u2019d be.\n\n\nSo we start CBT stuff- as homework, I started a journal of negative feelings, recording them, recognizing cognitive distortions. But after a couple of sessions she stops all that and shifts our focus to breathing exercises. Then another time, she says medication is something I should consider, when previously she said medication is more of a last resort if therapy isn\u2019t helping. I'm not against medication, but she knows I\u2019ve tried many in the past that haven\u2019t helped, some with significant side effects, so I'm trying to focus more on therapy now. Around session 8, she says let\u2019s create a \u201cTreatment & Recovery Plan\u201d, something she\u2019s been \u201cmeaning to do with me for a while\u201d.. Then at our last few sessions, she shifts the focus to DBT, and gives me some worksheets, explaining some of it may not apply to me, but that it might be good for mood regulation. I go along with everything- she\u2019s the professional, I want to be receptive to whatever may help. Each time she switches to a new thing she seems to abandon the previous thing, so I get the sense she decided they were not working. I feel I could have benefited from practicing CBT more (and I should have voiced this)\n\n\nDuring our sessions, she learns that I have very low self esteem, I constantly beat myself up, am self-defeating. She asks me about my past, trying to find a reason for my low self esteem. My past isn\u2019t perfect (whose is?) but no outrageous trauma on which to place blame for my mental shortcomings. She insists in a few separate sessions that I just have to stop thinking negatively. I express that having persistent negative thoughts is not a choice I make, and was hoping that therapy would help me learn to cope with them so they are manageable. Her advice is more about having strength of will to overcome these thoughts. I\u2019m like..how though? She actually snapped her fingers to illustrate stopping the bad thoughts. I can\u2019t just flip a switch like that and so I feel I have already failed, am incapable.. worthless. (catastrophizing, black and white thinking)\n\n\nThen at our 2nd-to-last session, the homework she assigned for next time was tackling a task that triggers my anxiety: beginning to build a website (as mentioned earlier, a task to move forward in my career). I express to her that I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m equipped to handle the emotions that arise. She says \u201cYou seem like a functioning, smart person, you have a job. You just have to commit and really push yourself in baby steps. You should have a fire under your ass.. IF this is something you really want,\u201d she says, knowing I have internal battles over whether I really want this career path, if working on it triggers so much anxiety.. But I supposed this was that tough love, something I probably need to hear. My homework is to work on the website for a mere two hours total over the next two weeks. (Normally I see her every week but she was going to be away the following week.)\n\n\nAnyway, I fail. Each time I approached the task, I tried to cope with my anxiety and panic with breathing exercises and CBT logic, but I fell back to my poor coping mechanism of just avoiding it without making notable progress. I do feel like a sham of a person just typing this. Could I have tried harder? Yes. However, I do well in other areas over those weeks (probably to make up for the guilt) such as pushing myself to eat on a regular schedule, pushing harder to do mindfulness meditation/breathing exercises twice daily, and I begin an exercise regimen, hoping these things will help with my anxiety in general. The meditation and breathing exercises are a nice break, but the anxiety comes back in full force afterwards when approaching the task. I am keeping at it, I get that it takes time.\n\n\nSo yesterday I see her for the first time in two weeks. I tell her about eating better, exercising, breathing exercises/meditation. She says great, asks if I put in the two hours on my website and I say no, explain how I tried and failed, and start getting down on myself about it. Now she begins to speak with me in a tone of frustration (or so it truly seemed to me, maybe I have a victim complex, this has me questioning reality). She says she can\u2019t understand why I have such low self esteem, since I have supportive people around me, am physically capable, and function well enough to hold a job. Now I feel myself start to panic- racing heart, shaky limbs, tense muscles. I feel invalidated hearing this. All the time I beat myself up with thoughts like this. I am staring at the floor feeling attacked.\n\n\nI tell her (not for the first time) that I wish I had a reason for my anxiety, but I don\u2019t, and does that mean my feelings are not legitimate? She says \u201cabsolutely not, of course your feelings are legitimate!\u201d Ok\u2026 I have an urge to leave. My legs feel like they might just carry me out of here. She continues, saying that everyone has anxiety and what I am feeling is normal. I try to interject but she continues, saying she feels she is doing a disservice to me if I have this level of anxiety and am not on medication. That I\u2019m not trying hard enough and need to commit more. That I\u2019ve been slacking on the homework, and yet in the same breath recalls back to the CBT journals (??) She reiterates that she feels she\u2019s doing a disservice to me.\n\n\nI feel defeated, I feel like I\u2019m taking crazy pills trying to follow her line of reasoning. I get up and go toward the door while thanking her for her time, apologizing, asking her to please cancel our future sessions. I\u2019m careful to speak quietly and politely, terrified of seeming overly dramatic, I just wanna leave. On my way out the door she said \u201cI\u2019m sorry you feel that way\u201d. \u201cThank you\u201d keeps coming out of my mouth stupidly as I close the door behind me. Part of me feels awful for walking out, like I made her feel like she failed.\n\n\nI exit the building and cry in my car. Going round and round in my head like: How could she be so heartless- No, I\u2019m overly sensitive, incapable of meeting reasonable expectations- I failed, I\u2019ll never get better, what\u2019s the point- No, she didn\u2019t handle it professionally, said things she knows I constantly beat myself up about- Well, she\u2019s right, I\u2019m my own worst enemy, I hate myself.. etc. I calm myself down, call my best friend who kindly lets me vent and we talk for a bit, and then I\u2019m ready to drive home.\n\n\nNow I\u2019m all fucked up.. not sure which of us came up short here. Maybe both of us. Maybe I couldn\u2019t handle the tough love and just want to be coddled, maybe I\u2019m lazy and don\u2019t want to put in effort. But I know I DO want to put in effort. I just want a therapist who will stick to one consistent treatment. Surely that\u2019s reasonable? Someone who will push me to practice skills to create good habits (like the CBT journaling). Who will be understanding when I fail (Is that coddling)? I get enough criticism from myself for failing, I do not need it from a therapist too. Is it unreasonable to want my hand to be held that much? To have my feelings of anxiety be validated, while also recognized as damaging, and learning to manage them? Part of me worries I\u2019m asking too much, wanting to be coddled and tough-loved simultaneously. But part of me is like, no, you'll find an understanding yet firm person to teach and guide you. You deserve to start breaking these chains so you can live better.\n\n\nI really needed to get this off my chest. I feel guilty for taking like two hours to write and edit it, but there\u2019s no need for me to feel that way, because it was therapeutic and now I can wash my hands of it.\n\n\nIf you\u2019re reading this, thank you. If you want to share your thoughts or experiences, please do. Thank you again and hope you have a pleasant day!", "answer": "Hey there.. for me, what I really need for my anxiety is to have someone validate and love me while also keeping strong boundaries and setting some containment. It sounds to me like the skipping around to different techniques and the lack of linear concrete tasks was really disregulating for you. \n\nI also think there is some truth, probably, in you taking things to heart that aren\u2019t necessarily that harsh? But nevertheless, you may need to start with someone who is more about unconditional positive regard, so that you can replace your inner critic with a more kind voice and THEN the tough love after that. Tough love can be difficult to take when you\u2019re already making yourself feel like shit - it just feels like piling on. \n\nI\u2019m sorry you had that experience, and I do hope you\u2019ll look around for someone who\u2019s a little more experienced and a little more kind :)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8sczkh", "comment_id": "e0z5lfh"}, {"question": "I know youre out there", "description": "Hey, \n\nVoice to the wind. Wind into the voice. I know you're out there. I don't feel like it's the right time either. Because it'll come in time.\n\nThis is cool. \n\nHey you, yes, you. You reading this. You are valid, you are genuine, you are a people. Your problems are your problems, yeah I know, they suck. Really hurts right? I empathize. I go through them too. Know what? Itl be okay. It equals out. There's loss and there's love. You'll experience both, I have a feeling.\n\nHave a great fucking day!", "answer": "Beautiful, thank you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atco81", "comment_id": "eh0h311"}, {"question": "Tips for Dating/being married to an introvert?!", "description": "My SO[26M] and I [23F] have been together for 1 1/2 years now and he is a major introvert. I on the other hand, wouldnt classify myself as an extrovert but somewhere in between the 2. We get along so well even with our differences in personality because we balance each other a little and we are usually extremely happy. We rarely fight, but on the odd time that we do, its about how much time to spend together and things surrounding his introverted tendencies. We are getting to that point in our relationship where marriage could be on the table soon, but we are both worried that his introverted tendencies could make having a family and simply living together, really hard. I am currently really good about giving him his space when he needs it and letting him recharge alone. but when you live together, i know that itgets harder!  He really wants to change and not be so introverted, but he feels like it may not be possible and that he might just have to end up completely alone. \nBasically i'm just looking for some tips on how we can make this work.? I can't see my life being spent with anyone else and im really determined to make this work. I know he loves me, and he says if he ends up with anyone it will be me, but will this be too much of an uphill battle?\nAny advice helps! \n\nTL;DR My boyfriend is an introvert and im not. How do we make this work? ", "answer": "I'm an introvert and one of my favorite things to do is have \"together alone\" time where we are doing separate things but can still enjoy each other's company. We can each be engaged in separate hobbies, read a book, browse the internet, etc while the other is doing something else. After some time passes, we regroup and share what we've been up to. This can even be disbursed throughout the activities (sharing interesting articles, quotes, thoughts, progress on a project, etc.). So this way, the introvert gets time to recharge and the extrovert still has someone to hang out with.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2dfthu", "comment_id": "cjpfvs5"}, {"question": "Post psychiatry and employment.", "description": "I hope you don't mind my asking but was anybody able to go back to work successfully post psychiatry?  Did the stigma follow you?  Did you have to make any modifications?", "answer": "You don't have an obligation to disclose psychiatric treatment, and your psychiatrist, like any doctor, has both ethical and legal (HIPAA) obligations to not disclose anything without your permission.\n\nPsychiatric disability is covered by the ADA, but proving why you weren't hired is next to impossible. Once you are hired you have a better case if you get fired, but it's still a long, difficult legal challenge.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7twmp1", "comment_id": "dtg1o1x"}, {"question": "Looking for opinion on my mental health", "description": "Hi first time posting. Went to doctor recently to get an opinion on my mental Heath have been referred to phychiatrist but have not been yet, wondering if I can get an opinion on here before I go. Here goes.... I have trouble concentrating at work my mind is always wondering/ procrastinating. I have always been a heavy over thinker and I think very fast also read fast, always feel in a hurry. I have bad memory because I'm always overthinking I forget where I place things/what I'm doing, things like people's names go right through my head. I find it very had to clear my head like I never have calm in my thoughts. I get irritated easy. I feel like my overthinking wears me out. I've always had trouble following instructions I.e plans I find it a lot easier to learn hands on. I always have plans to start hobbies like build a bar get into spearfishing etc but quickly lose interest. I have trouble getting to sleep and wake up during the night and find my brain racing. My thoughts aren't worries usually just random things, unless I'm stressed out then I find myself winding myself up over small problems and repeating my thoughts. My mother suffers from depression/ anxiety although I don't feel depressed I thought I'd put that in there. I'm also a lot better and mind is clearer out of work or if I'm doing something I enjoy.\n I intend on writing this all down and taking it to the phychiatrist to help explain myself.\n\nAny feedback/opinions would be much appreciated, thanks for reading.", "answer": "Some of your symptoms sound like a manic episode to me...but I don't have enough info from your post to say that with certainty.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49rnuo", "comment_id": "d0vobu2"}, {"question": "How do I stop falling for narcissists?", "description": "Hi, I\u2019m a 20F and I\u2019ve fallen for two guys that are (what I think are) narcissists in a the span of a few months. One was more covert and the most recent was more overt. My mom is also a narcissist. (Many people around me who know my mom agree that she is a narcissist). I feel like an idiot since I keep falling for this type of person. How do I catch the warning signs of narcissism early? I just started seeing a therapist so I do feel like some of this will work itself out in time. I\u2019m just curious if anyone knows why this happens.", "answer": "Everyone has strong and weak sides. Are you convinced that someone with narcissistic traits is per definition not a good match for you?\n\nMy advice is to look at each potential partner as a whole, and not just as a narcissist or not-narcissist, and to look at your past partners in the same way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejz1wb", "comment_id": "fd3l4zb"}, {"question": "110 days clean, how do i get over depression?", "description": "I'm a teenager, so I still live with my mom and she keeps a really tight leash on me. I understand that, but I've barely been out of the house in almost 4 months and when I do, I cant be out for over an hour. My mom won't let me get a job, go to school, or see friends. I'm really sheltered and left with my own thoughts as my only friends. I went into treatment in August, which was my 3rd time being institutionalized. I've been going to NA meetings here and there, but I don't really seem to connect with the people at the meetings in my area, even though i've been going for almost a year. I'm an agnostic, and I feel so lonely and hopeless at this point. The only thing keeping me from a relapse is a lock on the medicine cabinet. Any advice??", "answer": "Get a sponsor. I got sober at 17, I know how you feel. While I wasn't locked down I should've been. The only way I made it was by going to AA meetings and actually putting myself out there. I shook hands and got numbers, I made coffee and set up chairs. Sounds boring right? I had the time of my life at around 3-6 months.\n\nNext and arguably the most important thing for me, was I got a sponsor and worked the twelve steps. It saved my life and I would've been batshit crazy and depressed if I hadn't.\n\nThere are also medical issues surrounding depression that need to be dealt with along with the addiction. AA is important, but sometimes anti-depressants are needed for fixing the chemical imbalances that occur in the brain as a result of depression. \n\nThere are a million things you can do to get out of your head. It'll be tough being on lockdown, but the farther you get from that last drink and the closer you get to recovery the longer that leash will become. \n\nThis too shall pass my friend. Things are great on the other side of the tunnel.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1rx63q", "comment_id": "cdrt67v"}, {"question": "I wrote someone a love letter and he told me that it scared him. (x-post from offmychest)", "description": "No use in overanalyzing all of the details. For 8 months we did this weird song and dance where he treated me like I was the light of his life but vocally insisted that he couldn't be in a relationship. We \"broke up\" only for the contact, the \"I miss you's\" from him to intensify. I thought he had changed his mind and that one of us needed to step up and be brave first. He told me my letter scared him and complicated things between us further. We went from feeling like we understood each other completely to him being really frustrated at me because he felt like he had to repeat himself on things we'd already discussed. I just thought, based on his actions, that he wanted something else. We went NC.\n\nBut, no matter. I'm glad I was honest and told him how I felt. I know that his rejection speaks nothing to my worth as a human being and everything to do with where he is as a person. Our last conversation was awkward and stressful and a little embarrassing for me, but if our friendship is strong then we'll be able to repair things down the line, and if he really doesn't value or respect me then I don't need him in my life.\n\nI thought he was the one. He didn't. That's okay. Life moves on. Does anyone have stories from down the line? I just want to hear happy anecdotes of people getting their heart stomped on and that enabling them to meet someone better down the line. ", "answer": "When someone gives you an emotionally-dating-but-not-really-dating deal, you run. You run so far. It sucks the life from you.\n\nInvolved in one of these semi-recently, and still reeling.", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "34j4ru", "comment_id": "cqva6gb"}, {"question": "it\u2019s so easy to forget that... bulimia isn\u2019t normal", "description": "like, sometimes i forget that constantly having the thought of puking ur meal up whenever u decide ur too full/it\u2019s too many calories in the bg isn\u2019t normal. i\u2019ll have streaks of 2 or 3 weeks where i\u2019m purge-free and then i\u2019ll get drunk and i\u2019m immediately like \u201cyeah but i can just purge this meal\u201d\n\nthat isn\u2019t normal!! this is your eating disorder talking!! recovery feels easy until you realise it\u2019s wormed its way into every part of your life, until you realise that shoving ur fingers down ur throat isn\u2019t normal. that purging isn\u2019t an undo button for everyone else and that there\u2019s a REASON for that.\n\n idk. i\u2019m just venting because relapsing is so easy and i want this to be Over but also bulimia is lowkey forever part of my life now and i don\u2019t even know how that happened. hey there!", "answer": "I just watched Miss Congeniality and there\u2019s a scene where they\u2019re talking about pizza and Gracie says \u201cdon\u2019t worry, she\u2019ll puke it up anyways\u201d and this is an acceptable answer for the group of girls. That hit me like a slap in the face\u2014 I watched this movie hundreds of times as a young teenager and always just accepted that that\u2019s just what you do when you are beautiful and this was normal adult behavior.\n\nPSA: It\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not glamorous and it won\u2019t make any of us beautiful.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "ivg4v2", "comment_id": "g5t2qzy"}, {"question": "I'm [23/M] got into a huge fight with my [22/F] Girlfriend. What can I do??", "description": "Yesterday, my girlfriend had texted me about something that she found out. When we first started dating, she had told me some gossip and asked me not to tell. After some time I let it slip to a friend of mine. I don't remember when I said it, but I know I did. \n\nSix months into our relationship (Yesterday), she found out I told and was angry that I told my friend. She got very upset, citing how the trust was broken, how I was stupid for telling him, and that she couldn't believe it. \n\nAfter some time and thought, I apologized for what I had done. I apologized for betraying her trust and citing the ways in which I did that. This morning I received messages stating the relationship was over, that she didn't know me, that I was a terrible person, and that she didn't want anything to do with me.\n\nWe have a history of fights that end in breakups, but this time she said she was done for good. \n\nI know I messed up, and explained what I did was wrong. I explained why it was wrong, and what I was going to do to fix it.\nShe was very upset by me breaking her trust. I have really hurt her by telling my friend.\n\nMy question is, Is there anything I can do?? \n\ntldr: Fight with girlfriend. I told a friend about something that she didn't want me telling anyone. I know I messed up. Girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with me. What can I do??\n\nEDIT: By saying after some time, I apologized two hours after our initial conversation. I understand I was wrong. Our arguments play out with her yelling and screaming, and I listen to what she has to say. I only ever want to understand what she is saying and where she is coming from.", "answer": "giver her  space for a day or two. she'll come around.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bigcc", "comment_id": "dhmu7l9"}, {"question": "I need help, but I'm afraid of the consequences of getting it", "description": "tl;dr- If I choose to get help and I end up getting diagnosed with depression, there's a good chance it would end my career. \n\nI'm writing this because I've reached a point in my life where I'm completely unsatisfied with where my life is at, but I have no idea of how to fix it. I'm a mid-20's male, I have a stable job flying for the military, I'm healthy, and I'm pretty much financially secure. A lot of people would want to be where I am, and yet I am completely miserable. \n\nWithout going into my entire backstory, I feel like I've always had some low-level depression growing up. I was shy, introverted, and had few friends, and very little interest or enjoyment in any sports or hobbies. I powered through it until I was done with college, thinking that \"As soon as I get to X, things will pick up\". Except that now there's no next milestone in sight, and I'm left with an unrewarding job, no real friends, and very little passion or motivation to do anything beyond basic needs. \n\nI finally got to a point where I thought \"If I keeled over right now, how long would it take for anyone to find me?\", and I realized that I could be dead for the better part of a week before I was discovered. I look at myself and what I see disgusts me. I feel like I'm so far behind in life, and have so many varied issues that I don't even know where to start fixing things. When my appearance, personality, social life, and interests are all terrible or non-existent, and all my attempts to improve have failed, how do I get out of this?\n\nI realized I probably need professional help, but therein lies the problem. As part of my career as a military aviator, I need to report any treatment or counseling for mental health issues. If I were to be diagnosed with an actual mental disorder that requires treatment, such as depression, I could be taken off of flying status permanently with no way of seeking a waiver. My career in the military would be effectively over, and so would any possibility of continuing to fly as a civilian. \n\nSo, I can either learn to deal with being miserable, as I have been doing, and continue to have a career and be self-sufficient. Or, I can roll the dice on seeking help, and if what I have is permanent and requires treatment, my career is over and I would effectively be disabled. ", "answer": "I would recommend finding a counselor you feel comfortable with, and paying cash for a few sessions to see if it helps at all. Paying cash and keeping it off the insurance keeps your counselor from having to give you an \"official\" diagnosis. Plenty of people seek counseling for life stressors that would not necessarily be considered serious mental disorders, but for insurance purposes counselors have to assign a diagnosis to get paid. \n\nIf you ethically feel as though it's something you would need to report to your employer, that's a decision you would have to make on your own. \n\nSource: Am licensed professional counselor ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68daex", "comment_id": "dgxpzqk"}, {"question": "Seeking answers", "description": "So lately I have been having major anxiety, further leading to what seems to be a panic attack. I have only had this happen a few times in the past few months. Looking for suggestions on how to handle it. They usually come out of nowhere. ", "answer": "Use medication but sparingly. Check medical possibilities. Fix your diet so your gut biome is healthy, start to cut out stress you can but only because you'll need the room for stresses you can't cut out like anxiety. Start to practice meditation and belly breathing. Carry ice cold water in a 24hr vacuum insulated bottle. Tell at least three people. Read about it but don't read anything that talks about \"cut out caffeine and reduce your stress\" they are talking about worry, not anxiety. Practice more belly expansion and other vaygal stimulating exercises. Try Chinese herbs like ashwagandha. Sleep enough. Always differentiate external from internal fear. Recheck medical possibilities. When panicking use your senses to pull you out, if you can't empirically validate the fear it's probably not external. Internal fear is anxiety and while very real, it's not going to harm you. Avoid the temptation to accommodate triggers. Cut out caffeine. Look into fecal transplants. Use the repulsion as motivation to do more of the other stuff. Check for hyperthyroidism again. Go to a counselor if you can't get somewhere in your own. Find a good book on it. \n\nFinally  after none of this has worked, Use Ketamine to reprogram your limbic system. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6hxcmk", "comment_id": "dj1x6su"}, {"question": "Self taught/self guided CBT?", "description": "Is it possible/effective to learn CBT from scratch, and then apply it yourself without the guidance of a therapist of some kind? \nAre there any resources you\u2019d recommend, workbooks, etc. and what would you say are the main pitfalls to attempting this alone?", "answer": "Everyone can benefit from a set of skills that helps them think more rationally,  and checks whether their thoughts are influencing their emotions.  You can also also challenge your own black-and-white thinking.  As a non-CBT practicing psychologist,  I think these and are other CBT type skills are  fantastic for anyone. \n\nAs far as self-learning CBT, I  think this would be like learning tennis from a book, with no racket,  court , or balls. You could easily learn every stroke and position,  but that is very different than actually playing the game . And then,  if you got out and  played tennis by yourself against a wall , how would you  get better or be challenged? How would you know if you were making the same mistake over and over?\n\nAlso , the reason you can't apply it to yourself is because you can't possibly know what you do and don't know . Everyone has blind spots .\n\nI think anyone can benefit from solid techniques and new ways of thinking.  You can check yourself on whether your thoughts are influencing your emotional state,  but that is very different than the work of therapy .\n\nIf cost is prohibiting you from getting help , I recommend seeing a grad student . They are usually free or very low cost.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwhljo", "comment_id": "fmos4ny"}, {"question": "I\u2019m baaaack", "description": "Hey team - i just wanted to report back on all the benefits of drinking over the last year! Wooo I\u2019m pumped! I\u2019ve had daily hangovers, personal issues, Ill-health, lack of achievement, wasted money, depression, amongst other awesome things!\n\nI love drinking!\n\nWhat I really mean is... what the fuck am I doing with myself?\n\nDay 4 of getting my life back on track for the ones I love and even possibly myself at some point.\n\nYou guys rock - stay strong", "answer": "Welcome back. Good luck!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bpiz0k", "comment_id": "enw1hms"}, {"question": "Is it a hobby? Is it a career path?", "description": "I'm stuck. \n\nI need to decide on a viable career path to start following as I work on my novel. So I thought I would do a little crowd sourcing to see how those of you with careers and degrees finally settled on what seems to be working in your life. \n\nAs with many of us I have very real strengths and weaknesses. One huge weakness is fitting in, it's so problematic that I get fired from jobs constantly because no matter what I do, no matter how I check my words and reactions, I just never become a part of the \"team\".  And of course if my interest is not held in a constant state of excitement and reward, I'll just float off into procrastination. So I'm thinking I need to run my own business and it needs to be something that does not require many, if any co-workers. \n\nStrengths, I have the gift of gab. I can talk to anybody about anything and be super charming in small doses. Public speaking is basically second nature, in truth I often feel more comfortable on a stage. I'm good with plants, herbs and food. I have an extensive history with sports and physical fitness. People often come to me for tips on healthy meal planning and the science behind the food and drinks they are ingesting. In my big dreams I could see myself attacking the diet and fitness industry from the outside as a reasonable voice for actual health, but I believe that could just be one of my ADHD pipe dreams. \n\nWhile it seems clear that I have an idea of what to pursue, I am genuinely afraid of losing interest and failing at yet another thing. I know I will have little support because I've gone down so many different paths thinking this is the one! \n\nHow did you do it? How did you settle on what felt right for you? How can you tell what is just another flash in the pan hobby interest, vs. something you can keep up for years?", "answer": "I've always had a morbid curiosity for messed up things. I first considered a coroner but you need to be a doctor and I (unnecessarily) doubted my ability. The next most interesting thing was forensic psychology. \n\nAfter looking into and applying for a range of degrees, I got accepted into a bachelor of arts in psychology. 6 years later I'm four weeks away from handing my second thesis in and becoming a fully registered clinical psychologist. I think in the future I would like to go on to do medicine but for now I'm going to work for a bit and see where I end up. Still interested in forensic and legal work... might work in a court system for a while.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "df0akk", "comment_id": "f32zvw8"}, {"question": "How normal are violent thoughts on preteens/young teens?", "description": "I had a phase in which I had kinda violent thoughts. This started when I was around 11 and faded away slowly when I was like 16. I would think about killing my family (who I'm really close to), stabbing people, killing people at school, pushing them off balconies, sometimes torture them, setting places on fire, hurting animals (this is the only one that made me feel guilty). I distinctly remember wanting to push a pregnant teacher down the stairs, because she could lose her baby and she would suffer from it. I don't think they were intrusive thoughts because I used to carefully plan those things and I felt satisfaction out of it, I liked the thought of seeing someone scared, feeling that power over them. I also had thoughts about wanting to jump off buildings, but I didn't exactly wanted to kill myself. And I remember feeling constantly angry.\n\nI never acted on it, of course, but I used to threat people a lot, draw and write disturbing things. They faded away by themselves without any intervention, so, in my head and based on the kind of people I got along with (I was in a Catholic school and most of us were there because we were kinda problematic) I thought it was just a phase and it was normal for a kid that age, but now my brother is 12 and he seems so mentally stable, so it made me question how normal actually this is. I've been diagnosed with panic disorder and slight depression, but I suspect ADHD, if that's important. I had it so normalised and I recently got a realization, like \"its probably not that normal\".\n\nAs it's been some years now I would probably ask my psychiatrist but since we're on quarantine, my last appointment was on march, so I would like to hear your thoughts about it. Thanks!\n\nTLDR; I used to feel pleasure out if thinking about hurting people and I thought it was because I was a teen but I want to know if it's actually \"normal\". I'm already in therapy, I'm just curious.", "answer": "I haven't evaluated or treated you, so I can't say anything for sure. However,  since you said this resolved itself with age and no intervention and because you never acted on these thoughts (aside from threars)  I suspect it may be related to poor access to coping skills and little control over your life as a kid. \n\nKids often have no control over external circumstances and may not be taught or modeled internal coping . So,  if your only way to self sooth and feel in control was to imagine these violent scenes,  then it makes sense .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hundm6", "comment_id": "fyo6did"}, {"question": "My introvert GF (26years) is driving me crazy (25 years).", "description": "Hey guys,\nMy GF of a year is too shy and embarrassed to share things with me, he hardly speaks and rather prefers me to speak. Also, she is not a social person and prefers reading quietly most of the time. I am the exact opposite and it pisses me off when I have to go talking like a radio.\nI tried to ask her what in her mind and what bothering her, but she says she can figure it out too. There is too much negativity when I talk to her.\nPlease advice.\nCheers.", "answer": "You can break up with her if you want. \n\nIf you don't want, you're gonna have to find some way of connecting with her that satisfies you that she's willing to participate in.  Can you describe that to her in non-complaining, positive terms?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ir23m", "comment_id": "dj8ff0b"}, {"question": "Help me [25F] make my boyfriend [25M] realize the importance of apologies and forgiveness", "description": "Hey, Reddit. I don't know where else to turn. I don't have many close friends and most of my friends online are friends of my boyfriend too so I don't want to ask them for advice. I don't want them to think badly of him.\n\nWe're both 25 and met online through a game. He never had a relationship before, I had several. We've known each other for a couple of years but only really close since the start of this year. We met for the first time in august. We're currently in a long distance relationship (1 hour with plane apart) and spend most of the time apart playing games together. I love him so much because he is such a good person, when things are good. He is my best friend. However when we fight, he's starting to show me some really clear signs of emotional abuse and it scares me. I want some advice from someone, I need help to make him realize he has a huge part in our fights.\n\nPretty much all of the time when we fight it's because of some small, pointless thing that got blown out of proportion and grows bigger because he decides to stay angry at me, refusing to see his part in the fight. I will take yesterdays fight as an example since it's almost always the same story: We played games and I got a bit irritated/naggy at myself for performing bad (I understand this isn't fun to listen to, but it doesn't happen often and just few minutes later we were enjoying our time together again, or so I thought). He gave me a lot of shit for this \"bad behavior\" but we had fun after so I thought we were past it. Before bed time we talked and he sounded a bit off so after we hung up I asked if we were okay. He basically tells me I made his night awful and that he has way more fun with his other friends in the game than me (just because of me getting irritated at myself for few minutes, but he will forgive any of his other online friends if they have a bad day and not even mention it).\n\nI didn't understand why he couldn't just let it go, since we had a fun time after and were sweet to each other. He just had to keep exaggerating and making it a bigger deal than it was. We continued to chat for hours, I begged him several times if we can say sorry to each other (not because we necessarily think we're wrong but because we hurt each other), or if we can just agree to disagree, anything. But he stays angry over this tiny thing. I ask if he can forgive me for being grumpy for few minutes about the game earlier in the evening and he says \"I won't forgive you but I won't stay mad\". This is were I get vibes from emotional abuse. I asked him why it bothers him if I \"talk bad\" about my gaming performance and he says he \"hates signs of weakness\". He says he can't forgive people downtalking themselves (something I never do in real life, I'm very confident about my person). He starts writing \"If you ever do something like this in front of my family...\" and threaten me for what he knows is no purpose at all. I kept trying to have us stop fighting, I sent a picture of me where you happened to be able to see I had been crying, writing \"Wish you were in bed with me so I could hug you and make this go away\". Then he just replies \"WTF is this, what am I dating?\", calls me an over emotional drama queen and reminds me how much more fun he has in this game with others than me. To wrap it up, says \"I'm not a nice guy, I never claimed to be\". But he still also seems to truly believe everything is my fault. I feel so belittled, shut down and hopeless.\n\nIf we argue on the phone, he hangs up on me. He shuts me down and silences me every time I'm in a mood that doesn't please him. He tries to suppress me by bringing up things from the past, threatening me about things and calls me delusional if I try to point out what he's doing to me. Please help me, I ran out of words for what to say to him to try make him understand.  I tell him I'm not perfect and I can never be, and that we will have arguments and disagreements, it's normal. Just like I don't expect him to be super energetic and happy every day either. But he claims he doesn't ask for perfection. It's starting to feel like whatever I do it's the wrong thing.\n\nWe have the best time when we don't argue, we both agree on this. I don't want this relationship to end because of his stupid stubbornness and unability to see his mistakes. I want him to understand it's fine to argue in a relationship sometimes, but it's so important to know how to say sorry (something he doesn't do often) and forgive each other so things don't get blown out of proportion... Or just let me know, am I an emotional, delusional drama queen for getting upset about these things?", "answer": "If you want to actually teach him that his bad behavior undermines your relationship, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations.  More importantly, if you want to be happy in life, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations. Particularly not all-night bitch-fests about things that are beyond present remedy. \n\nIf he thought you were ruining his evening, he could have said something hours ago, if you think his complaints are toxic, you should protect yourself from them in real time, not hours later.  \n\nYou are both making critical errors, but you're only one with the insight to see that the whole dynamic is fucking gross.  \n\nDisengage. Hang up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "709aly", "comment_id": "dn1ek2x"}, {"question": "ADHD and password resetting", "description": "Don't get me started, how do normal people even remember 50 different passwords? \n\nOr does everyone use \"Macaroni79\" for everything they use? LOL", "answer": "The worst is when you can't remember your password, try multiple times, click forgot password, put a new one in then it says \"you can't use the same password as what is already set.\" FUCKING WHAT!?!?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jgezaa", "comment_id": "g9qxy1v"}, {"question": "How should I reply my cheater husband's absurd text?", "description": "My husband who left me for a colleague he knew for 3 weeks; who emptied our joint bank account and cancelled my credit cards a few days before the rent's due date just texted me asking \"is everything okay?\". Now I need the creative minds of reddit help me to give him the response of his life. Can you help me find the humor in this absurd situation? :)", "answer": "i would say  \"yes, i just won the lottery and am moving to ST Bart's. Have a great life.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5omge1", "comment_id": "dckho0t"}, {"question": "Got a boner in therapy", "description": "Near the end of the therapy session, I was told that I was making progress which made me feel very happy and got a boner because of it.  I was really embarrassed and tried to hide it the best I could but I'm pretty sure it was obvious. The thing is I get boners all the time (even though I'm in my early 20s) so I thought that I was attracted to her (along with almost every girl who has given me attention).  \nAfter some thought I'm pretty sure I was attracted to the feeling of being acknowledged by a woman although I'm not sure if I wouldn't have gotten an erection if it had been from a man either.  \nI'm planning to bring it up in my next therapy session.    \n\nShould I tell her to refer me to another therapist? ", "answer": "Coming from a therapist's perspective, she didn't care, even if it was obvious. \n\nThat said, if you feel you should bring it up, do so. It's important to discuss any possible barriers to an optimal therapy experience. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43ir0w", "comment_id": "czil0yl"}, {"question": "I'm obsessed with the karma points.", "description": "Is anyone else feeling like this? It makes me feel important... idk", "answer": "Yes. It's self validating. I feel special", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8n3u1q", "comment_id": "dzsmxlj"}, {"question": "Diagnosis ?", "description": "Soooo if you feel you have a mental issue or mental block and it is affecting your life and relationships - but you're not quite sure what it is, or exactly how to describe it- where exactly do you go for a diagnosis?\nI'm not sure if it's depression, or anxiety or what. And I'm afraid of medication. I know how it can affect your life insurance, health insurance, long term disability etc. \n", "answer": "Honestly diagnosis is nowhere near as important as the actual symptoms you are experiencing and figuring out a way to handle them.  If you see a therapist you can always request that they don't disclose your diagnosis to you.  That way you wouldn't have to lie on life insurance forms.  Therapy with a counselor is generally the best bet.  Are you in the U.S.?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6r7f4t", "comment_id": "dl30onl"}, {"question": "I've [25m] been talking to [25f] about being together for a while...need advice!", "description": "So we've been friends for a little over 5 years now. When I first started talking to her, she had a boyfriend.  They broke up a while later and I had a girlfriend. Bad timing,  whatever. \n\nFast forward to mid last year. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, then told the girl in question that I still have feelings for her. One drunken get together later, we make out. Dumb me thought it meant something (because she had a boyfriend at the time) and she would leave him. She told me she has had feelings for me, but she is happy where she is. \nOk. I pine over it a couple months and move on,  staying as friends.\n\nA few months ago, she got dumped after a few years off and on. I wait until she wants to talk and hangout, not trying to rush anything. We would hangout a few times a week and eventually got to the point where we were practically dating; sleeping together, hand holding, kissing,  what have you. \n\nAfter about a week of that, she says she's rushing into something she's not ready for. I get it and give her space. \nUp until last week, we have been talking every day, and see each other when our work schedules allow. (As friends)\nI got upset and told her again how I feel and how she shouldn't be stuck on her ex. So now she thinks we shouldn't talk for a while. \n\nHer best friend, also my friend says she should take a chance and work it out and tells me I just need to ignore her for a good while. While I miss talking to her and hanging out. What should I do?  She says she doesn't know when she'll be ready to be in another relationship. \nIt's been an interesting few months to say the least.\n\nSorry for long first post, but thanks for reading reddit!", "answer": "when someone needs space you have no choice.   stay in touch, but keep moving on with your life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptgrn", "comment_id": "dctpj6h"}, {"question": "I think I'm afraid of people, even strangers. Even when I'm just taking a walk, and i see a stranger walking, I just become very nervous and all....", "description": "So basically, anytime I am doing something, say walking outside, and i see people nearby, I usually turn around and walk somewhere else. Or if i see someone I haven't seen in a while, sometimes I pretend to not notice him until I am a good distance away.  \n  \nBasically, I just realized this that I might be afraid of people. I recently moved to the United States, and I must say that people here are very nice and smiling, even strangers on the street just say hi, Maybe I'm not used to it, but my stomach starts cramping, and I start sweating a lot.  \nHow should I overcome this. I go to the university here. Im a sophomore (I don't live on campus), I don't have any friends, I just can't talk to people. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!", "answer": "Sounds like you might have social anxiety :) Have you thought about seeing a therapist? If you are a student, you probably have free counseling available to you through your school's counseling center. I recommend you schedule an appointment and see if they can help!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4fwbob", "comment_id": "d2csos3"}, {"question": "Neighbor pounding on our walls because our two year old.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "What about like foam mats? They have them for kids. I used to be a nanny and the people I worked for like covered their house with these like interlocking puzzle piece foam mats? Just an idea?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "73cmbc", "comment_id": "dnpxpa2"}, {"question": "Are good relationships suppose to be this hard?", "description": "Granted we are both kinda old. 39(F) 38(M) and both divorced with four kids total. So we kinda have lotsa baggage. We have been dating 1.5 yrs and it's just been one communication issue after another and some personality clashes, and plus our emotional baggages, it's just so hard. I don't even know if we are on the same page sometimes. Only thing that is working in our favor is we are still fighting for it to work. We don't sweep things under the carpet and we try to talk and deal with it as it comes. But it's exhausting too. I do feel we are communicating better and things are improving slowly but so many more things to iron out still. I have only been in one 18yr long relationship before this and the dynamic was completely different so I have no idea if this is normal or good or not. Need advice! ", "answer": "everything great is hard work. if you hit a serious snag get prof. help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61ecxt", "comment_id": "dfe0fh5"}, {"question": "I thought I was improving", "description": "I started CBD about a year ago and am now on a 63 day Headspace streak. But this weekend has been the toughest in several months. Any advice on overcoming what seem to be a plateau? I know what set it off. Something small but a constant source of angst for me.", "answer": "I think you gotta examine that trigger, however small.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "dxs4dp", "comment_id": "f7wrksf"}, {"question": "Want to sleep with people other than SO, what do I do?", "description": "The title is a pretty broad statement, and I will lay down background before anyone makes assumptions or general inferences that could be incorrect. \n\nI've been in my [22m] current relationship with my SO [20f] for over 2 1/2 years now, we have lived together for about a year and a half of that time. Before we lived together, we were LD for a year, besides when she lived here (separate from myself) for a summer. We have a very healthy relationship, we get along great, and many other people say we a great together. \n\nWe don't ever really get into fights about anything, we're both pretty easy going-with-the-flow type. We have sex regularly, go on dates, do pretty much everything outside of work together. We also each have \"alone time\" which for me is usually Saturdays (she works) and weeknights after I get off work before she gets home. It varies from a couple hours to 3-4 hours depending on her shifts. Her time being her days off during the week while I'm working, and in the morning before her shifts that start later.\n\nOverall we have a really great relationship and aside from small bickering, we get along pretty perfectly. So why the title then OP? Here goes.\n\nIn the last few months, I've found myself thinking about other women outside of my relationship. The thoughts are mostly sexual, me just wondering what it would be like to have sex with different women, sometimes random people, or sometimes women I know, or fantasizing about a girl in a nsfw picture, etc. I respect myself and my SO far too much to act on these desires. Even if I did want to, I'm terrible at socializing, specifically with the opposite gender. \n\nIs this a normal desire for someone my age? I also just started going to the gym more religiously in the last couple months, maybe this is because of a spike in testosterone? I've sort of always wanted to experiment with different types of girls and have always had a high sex drive. Also, I have only had sex with my current LTR, and my LTR in high school. I don't know what I should do, as sometimes the desires are stronger than others, but I would not cheat. Should I maybe see if she has had the same desires and talk about an open relationship? It would be very awkward to bring up as she would think something is up. \n\nTL;DR\nFor the last couple months I've been having sexual desires outside of my healthy LTR. Should I talk about my desires with SO, or just push them to the side?\n\nAny advice is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "do not tell him; it will create huge insecurity. YOU have to decide about the kind of rel. you want. committed mono ltr, poly, or single", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0v1z", "comment_id": "ddbqpr3"}, {"question": "I am moving to the city for the first time and I'm worried", "description": "I am moving to a big city in the near future. I have lived in a rural town all of my life, so there weren't a lot of people and it wasn't cramped. I have been in the city for a couple of weeks to visit and look for apartments and I don't like how I'm feeling. I have issues with personal space, probably from being physically and emotionally abused as a child, and being in stores next to people makes my blood boil and I want to scream and go away, even though they don't deserve it. It is suffocating and makes me want to rip my skin off. I view everyone as a threat. In my hometown, I would only go out shopping when I knew there weren't a lot of people around to combat this.\n\nI don't know how to change this. How can I live in a city like this? I need to move to a city for the sake of better jobs and education. Anyone else feel this way?\n", "answer": "One of it is probably your personal temperment listen to your body. We\u2019re all different and tolerate different levels of arousal. \n\nThat being said therapy can help you lower your stress response significantly within your natural range. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "98du30", "comment_id": "e4fbruj"}, {"question": "[Help]23/m I don't know what to do.", "description": "im not good at putting thoughts into words and i tend to ramble so \n\nI'm not happy. I want to be happy. I want to stop crying. I want to believe when people say nice things to me...\n\nI have a loving family, great parents, great brother who's been like a second father to me. Great friends who only want to see happy and they jump through hoops just to help me. I got an okay job, great and nice employees, wonderful boss. I have so much good in my life so why do I lie in bed and cry? Why do I see myself as shit then I have so many people telling me otherwise. Why do I never feel like I can be myself around people? I don't understand this or this disease. I've felt it for years yet I've been fighting myself and telling myself, \"You're not depressed. You don't need pills to make you happy. You can beat this!\" but I can't. I feel so defeated and every year it gets worse and worse.\n\nI play video games to escape this, and it helps sometimes. I'm very competitive so I usually playing Overwatch or Tekken ranked. Competition helps keep me grounded I guess. Helps me forget. Sometimes I get angry but nothing over the top.\n \nThis week was shit. I've been stuck inside this darkness that I can't seem to leave. Every moment I'm alone with my thoughts is a moment my own my begins to suffocate my own emotions. I think about how shitty of a person I am, how I don't deserve anything good I have and that ultimately I'm worthless. Why do I do this to myself? Even writing this I'm fighting back tears. I just want to be happy. This week I finally just have to admit that I am depressed. I'm just like my mother who fought so hard to make sure I didn't become like she was. Depressed and wanting to just \"go away\". She's still fighting. For me and the rest of her family but, I'm not sure I can.", "answer": "> \"You're not depressed. You don't need pills to make you happy. You can beat this!\" \n\nYou have a medical problem called depression. You need some form of medical help from a  professional to get healthy. You have the power to overcome this, but not alone.\n\nAnd most importantly, you deserve to be healthy and happy... not because of your family or friends or situation. But because you are a human with some wonderful qualities that can't properly shine because you are suffering from a physical, real disease. \n\nPlease reach out to a doctor, therapist, or counselor. Do NOT think \"Well my depression isn't bad enough.\" If it's bothering you at all, it is worthy of treatment just like any disease. You. Deserve. To. Be. Healthy. Hell, even healthy people can benefit a lot from talking to a counselor or mentor. Think of it as a check-up for your brain. \n\nTalk to your doctor. Google therapists in your area. Talk to your boss or your family about it, maybe they can sit down with you while you do it. It sounds like you have a wonderful support network, so I know they'll be willing and ready to help. ", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "75v3ux", "comment_id": "don8wxh"}, {"question": "[20M] Should I have a bigger conversation with my girlfriend [19F] about our feelings?", "description": "I started dating this girl from college 4 months ago. I've never had a girlfriend before and she has no experience either. She's the sweetest, most incredible person, and I obviously like her a lot.\n\nThe thing is, she feels stronger than me. I know this because she said she's in love with me like 2 months ago. She fell very hard. I like her, as I said, but I just don't feel love. I don't even know what that feels like, because I'm so young and inexperienced, I don't even know how she does either. But I know I'd want to say it if I felt it.\n\nI've been completely honest in telling her where I stand and that I don't love her back. She says she's fine with that and still wants to be with me.\n\nWe both say that we are just taking our relationship day by day, in the moment, which is reassuring to me, but honestly I sometimes question if she means that. She talks about how she is so blessed I came into her life, she thinks there's a reason for it, etc. She's framed pictures of us in her room and it honestly seems like she's fantasizing a lot and acts as if I'm in love with her too, even though she knows I'm not.\n\nObviously there's no guarantee I will fall in love with her ever, it's just the truth, I don't even know how ready I am to be in love at this age in my first relationship. I'm enjoying it now and comfortable taking it day by day and seeing where things go. But I worry about the future sometimes, I don't want to hurt her, but I feel uneasy about the potential direction things could go in. Should I have another talk just to be extra clear and honest with where I stand?\n\n---\n\n**tl;dr**: Only been dating girlfriend for 4 months, she's openly in love with me. I've been honest telling her I am not in love with her back and she says she doesn't care right now. I feel like she pretends everything's still so perfect despite her clear stronger feelings. I like her a lot and want to be with her now, but I don't want to hurt her in the long run even though I've been honest. Should I talk to her about this again to be extra clear and honest?", "answer": "yes.always", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tu55v", "comment_id": "dlnhz6x"}, {"question": "Good Do to list app for ADHD", "description": "I have tried Habitica, but it doesn't alert me to my do tos and it won't reset at night (so all my checked off items are still checked off. I prefer an app that is interactive like an ROG where you level up and get stuff.", "answer": "There is an app call \"DUE\" that is pretty cool. It provides a simple to do item but unlike other apps the alarm will ping once a minute until you either snooze or complete the task. Helpful if you often miss reminders initially. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6o0uw4", "comment_id": "dke593y"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask to be prescribed Xanax for stress and anxiety?", "description": "I (25M)haven\u2019t been to the doctors in a long time and I was thinking of going because lately my stress levels have been high because of work and school.\n\nI was wondering how I should talk about my situation with my doctor without him thinking I\u2019m some sort of druggie (I feel like many doctors don\u2019t believe young people anymore cause so many abuse drugs)\n\nI have taken a friends Xanax before and it seemed to calm me down and it finally made me in a relaxed mood. After this i figured I\u2019d talk with a doctor because it actually made me feel normal for once.\n\nI\u2019ve been stressed out for years but like I said above, it\u2019s starting to get worse now that I\u2019m starting college and working my full time job again.\n\nSo would it be a red flag for doctors is I ask about specific drugs or should they prescribe me other things first?", "answer": "Xanax is helpful in the short term, but it is a poor choice for long term management of anxiety and honestly wouldn\u2019t be my first, second, or third choice for even rare, sporadic, short-term management.\n\nTalk to a doctor with an open mind.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cz7pb0", "comment_id": "eywk7d6"}, {"question": "I'm worried my female friends will scare away my new guy?", "description": "I recently started seeing a guy I met in one of my college academic clubs. We have EVERYTHING in common from music to our dream career. He asked me on a date, it went amazing, and he wanted a second date. I said instead we should go to a local open mic downtown because we both love live music. He agreed, and plans to meet my friends and I down there (I was going there tomorrow with my friends anyways, I just included him in the plans).\n\nWell, the two friends I invited ended up inviting a bunch of other friends, and I quickly realized he might get scared off. I am the exact opposite of all my friends. They are really in to hooking up, they dress way more provocatively, and are HUGE flirts. When they go out they can't drink casually, they need to do 10 shots and go home sloppy drunk and crying.\n\nI'm worried he will get scared off. I know two of the girls just got dumped a few days ago and specifically told me they couldn't wait to get hammered and talk to me about it.\n\nThe thing is... I do NOT want to miss this open mic, I've been excited about it for a few weeks and was going without him anyways. My solution is to go with the guy and see my friends down there, but sit alone with him. During the show they won't be able to walk around, so I'll be alone with him.\n\nHowever, part of me wonders if the two of us should just go somewhere different and I come up with a lie to get out of going with my friends.\n\nShould I bite the bullet and introduce him to my friends who DEFINITELY will be drunk, definitely will be handing out their numbers to guys, and most likely will hit on him or cry? Or should I go alone with him, or do something else?\n\n**tl;dr:** I like this new guy and he plans to meet my friends and I down at an open mic tomorrow, but my friends like getting sloppy drunk and might scare him off since I am the opposite. Should I still take him, or find another last minute idea and ditch my friends?", "answer": "I have never heard of a can't miss open mic night. Is someone you care about performing?  Meet up with guy. Go for that one performance. Say hi to your friends. Bail. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dm78r", "comment_id": "di41ag1"}, {"question": "Bored, Life is Missing Something, But Only Half The Time", "description": "Alright, so its the weirdest thing. When I go to school, everything is fine. I have plenty of friends, a sweet girl, hobbies, great grades. I am always bustling with energy and something to do. However, as soon as I get home everything fades away. The world becomes colorless. I can't determine why this is happening. I take a lot of psychology classes, I understand how the brain functions, and I keep it full of new things all the time. I just learned a new coding language, how to make a hydrolic system, and created many designs for things I want to make. But alas, everything is still a colorless, static, and boring life. Something is awry, as if a terrible thing has happened; but everywhere I check I'm am returned with nothing but great news. If anyone has any ideas as to what could be causing this, or how to determine a source of this lifelessness please do tell. \n\nThank You", "answer": "Have you ever been evaluated by psychologist/psychiatrist?  You could be experiencing low level depression or undiagnosed ADHD (which might explain the energy, happiness, and ability to focus when given a lot of external stimulation but depression when all those things aren't there at once).  There's really no way to tell for sure unless you can get an official evaluation.  \n\nOther than that, it may help to find ways to make your home life more exciting with engaging activities that require work to get better at and increased in-person social activities.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xp02f", "comment_id": "duap3zn"}, {"question": "Does modern therapy look to uncover the 'subconscious' mind?", "description": "I believe there's theories of psychology that talk about how we're all driven by underlying subconscious drives and motives.\n\nHow much of modern day therapy is influenced by those theories? I know therapists ask clients a lot of self introspective questions(How do you think/feel about X, why do you think you think/feel Y, etc)", "answer": "This depends largely on a therapist 's theoretical orientation.  You probably won't do much of this work with a CBT therapist,  for example , but might with a psychodynamic therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g2a2ai", "comment_id": "fnl1j3h"}, {"question": "Sensory issues", "description": "As I always say, it's unsure I have Asperger's Syndrome.\n\nNow, my problem. As my anxiety rises I experience really sensory problems. I sense really too much. Everything can bug me until I do a panic attack. Even when I'm not that I experience sensory overloads and it is really problematic. Also, rare are those who believe me since they do not experience such overloads and I have problem communicating how much I suffer from it. \n\nAnyways, do you have tricks to deal with those? I already have earplugs but it's not working enough and it makes my ears ache. Also, how can I tell it to others well?", "answer": "This is interesting because it relates to research on introversion.  If you think of Asperger's as extreme introversion, it makes sense.  Here is why:\n\nIntroverts tend to show greater neurological reaction to all kinds of stimulus.  Extroverts have lesser reactions.  So, to achieve optimal arousal (in a psychological sense) introverts need a calmer environment and extroverts need a more active environment.\n\nA quiet library might be heaven for an introvert and suffocating for an extrovert.  The opposite would be true at a dance club.\n\nIt as an actual, physical, neurological difference between introverts and extroverts.\n\nI don't know exactly what my point is, except that you shouldn't feel like your reaction to over-stimulation is unnatural.  It is absolutely natural.  You can't help it.  Maybe you can explain this to your extrovert friends.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1escu4", "comment_id": "ca3icdc"}, {"question": "Worried doctor won't believe me", "description": "So yesterday I went to a doctor at a walk in clinic. I told them I was having depression and anxiety and that it was pretty bad. They told me I needed blood work done and an ecg, they prescribed me sleeping pills instead of antidepressants. Is this normal? I had a friend who went and the doctor gave him antidepressants that same day and they didn't need a ecg. \n\nI just want to know if this is normal or if maybe they do not believe me or misdiagnosed me. \n\nThanks.\n\n", "answer": "It differs from doctor to doctor.  If you're experiencing depression and anxiety, especially if it's onset is fairly recent and it's severe, most good doctors want to try to rule out medical issues first.  There are so many medical issues that can contribute to depression, anxiety, mood swings, etc. that no anti-depressant or therapy is going to solve and may cause more serious health problems if left untreated ie. thyroid issues, untreated diabetes, severe vitamin/mineral deficiencies, etc.\n\nWhile most patients would prefer to have the doctor that just writes them a script, I think taking these steps are probably in your best interest.  Lastly, if you're experiencing depression/anxiety and medical issues have been ruled out,  you'll most likely benefit much more from therapy or therapy w/psych meds than you would from psych meds alone.     ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9r0kl0", "comment_id": "e8d51qk"}, {"question": "Does anyone here has trouble with concentration while reading?", "description": "It seems like I just can't stay focused properly. Sometimes, I have this thing that I need to read the same line 5 times, not necessarily because I wasn't paying inuff attention, but because it's a kind of compulsion.\nThey say it's all a matter of practice. But i've already tried a lot and nothing seem to improve my situation. It still feels painfull to read.\n\nDoes autism can affect reading in that sense?", "answer": "Yes, because I also have ADHD. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "9eifd8", "comment_id": "e5q0vgy"}, {"question": "i just wanna htave a fun post for once.", "description": "hold up, hold up, woah  \nlets stop drowning in rants and depression real quick  \nyou see this shit? not very fun. and i understand why  \ni know why this is filled with depressing rants and stuff  \nbut i want a fun post to cheer people up a bit, is that a bit much to ask some?  \nto want to hit me up with some of that good stuff?  \nso. how do ya do, what has been going on, anything good? any news about games, or work, or achievements or friends, anything at all?", "answer": "Looks like I found a spot to host my Therapeutic RPG Group for Teens in the city by me!  When I first \"started the practice\", in full ADHD mode, I found a spot in the burbs near where I live, built a website, and blitz advertised all around the area.  \n\n\nAfter a couple months went by, I couldn't even get enough clients to start the first group.  I had more D&D playing adults saying they wanted to work for me than I had parents signing their kids up.  \n\n\nI lost motivation, got discouraged, and in my typical ADHD fashion, got distracted with other projects.  I recently caught myself, forced myself to throw myself back into this thinking if I moved it into the city rather than the burbs, I'd have a better chance of it taking off!  \n\n\nLo and behold, not only am I on the cusp of getting a spot in the city in my old neighborhood, but one where I may not even have to pay any rent to run my practice out of!  \n\nBig lesson I learned from this, if I want something bad enough, don't let minor or even major setbacks kill my interest.  My impulses will tell me to move on to the next interesting thing, but if I keep going back and trying to make something work, it will.\n\nThanks for giving me a place to brag/celebrate!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bs200m", "comment_id": "eoj4kbz"}, {"question": "I've got a small dick. ", "description": "I've been trying to be more confident about it, but it's to the point where I've been subconsciously avoiding flirting with girls. I don't know why, because that really shouldn't be doing it because of that but damn. ", "answer": "Confidence is sexy, not dick size.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "11d1fi", "comment_id": "c6ldm50"}, {"question": "Hydroxyzine for anxiety, how much?", "description": "25 Male 250lbs 5' 10\" Caucasian \n\nOther medications are Prozac 40 mg/day\n\nI was prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety. The goal is to just take the edge off to actually relax and not feel like I'm on edge all the time. Doctor gave me 50mg tabs to get more bang for the buck on insurance. \n\nDo the effect of hydroxyzine amplify with taking more?\nHow much is a dangerous amount? I've taken 300 mg and not felt much\nIs it worth asking the doctor for something else or just upping the dosage until the desired effect is achieved?\n\nThanks for any help and feedback!", "answer": "Ultimately its a sedating antihistamine. In the UK its only licenced for itch. 100mg is the maximum recommended dose. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8aes2t", "comment_id": "dwzhq6y"}, {"question": "Was he [22/m] just using me [22/f]?", "description": ".", "answer": "Toxic relationship. Move on. Focus on yourself for awhile, heal from the shit relationships you've had and find happiness outside of other people. When the time is right you'll find someone else who you can connect with emotionally, intellectually and sexually when you're ready. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2s8wgq", "comment_id": "cnnebqo"}, {"question": "I\u2019m afraid that I don\u2019t have ADHD", "description": "If I don\u2019t have this disorder, then I\u2019m afraid I am just mentally deficient in some way I\u2019ll never really know and I will never actually feel that my struggles are valid. \n\nMy chronically depression addled brain and low self esteem leads me to believe I\u2019m just plain dumb. I never did very well in school. Barely graduated high school and had pretty consistently low grades up until college, when I managed something like a 3.6 gpa (majored in illustration, so just generals and art classes.) \nI continue to struggle just being able to focus and process/retain information. I feel mentally slow a lot of the time.\n\nI have been \u201ctested\u201d using that simple short questionnaire. It was suspected that I \u201cmay\u201d have ADHD inattentive type. I was on strattera years ago. I believe I was prescribed this after having this urine test done that showed what brain..chemicals I was deficient in? It might have been dopamine? I\u2019m not even sure. I don\u2019t even remember why I went off it or how well it worked. I\u2019m guessing not that well if I decided to go off it. My long term memory is kind of terrible. \n\nAnyway, I have been prescribed Ritalin XR (and adderall XR, both for short periods. I gave up on both because I didn\u2019t feel any noticeable change, except for some depressive episodes that seemed worse than usual. But then, I haven\u2019t been on any adhd meds for a few weeks and had another episode (it\u2019s always after work that I really crash) so...I just don\u2019t know. Looking into it, I have a lot of the symptoms but not all so it makes me think maybe I don\u2019t quite fit the diagnosis?\n\nI don\u2019t know if there\u2019s some ADHD specialist I need to see before I\u2019m convinced that I even have this or not but I\u2019m in a low place right now and just wanted to get this off my chest. Kind of hoping I could get some feedback, too. ", "answer": "DBT could be a good fit. Given that it is very skills-based, some with ADHD find that it can work well for them since you can \u201ctrain\u201d yourself to use the skills and remember them better since many are remembered by mnemonic device. \n\nEdit: spelled mnemonic wrong \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aa23pp", "comment_id": "ecoievm"}, {"question": "Warning about 7 cups. They may do more harm than good. Send people to crisis text line instead.", "description": "Survivor of sexual assault here. 7 cups is a shady organization that I would NOT recommend. After I disclosed my trauma, the volunteer who matched with me talked about what sex he likes and asked me about my porn preferences. He seemed to honestly believe that he's helping. \n\nI was in full blown trauma, and this asshat uses that as an invitation for a graphic sexual conversation, and pretends that that will cure me. \n\nI tried to report him, but no there was no such function in the app. I tried to post about it in their subreddit, but it said I'm not allowed to post there. \n\nThey are closed off to feedback from people who have been harmed by trusting their service.\n\nThey are trying to extract money by up-selling people to talk to real therapists. So it's in their interest to be shitty when you're not paying. \n\nCrisis text line, on the other hand, background checks their volunteers and puts them through 30 hours of mandatory training before they are allowed to talk to anyone. And it's a legitimate non-profit. I learned my lesson and will talk with someone at crisistextline in the future instead of a shady for-profit startup.", "answer": "7 cups not only sounds like a bad porno, but it also scares the crap out of me in terms of what its trying to achieve.\n\nI just cant see how it can clearly manage any acute mental health risk. The volunteers might as well be lay people, but people using the service have a higher likelihood to have complex interpersonal needs secondary to trauma.\n\nIf theres a lesson for all - and stating the obvious - stick to regulated services who can be accountable for its actions. In the UK it would be the NHS and some mental health charities, who provide various trauma-focussed care and treatment and support, with appropriately qualified individuals.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "gt4bk3", "comment_id": "fsc50dt"}, {"question": "A Powerful Way to Diffuse Anger You Probably Haven't Tried", "description": "Gently place the tip of your index finger to the tip of your thumb on both hands with the other fingers gently outstretched.\n\nYou've probably seen people do this during meditation. This activates a calming, relaxing sensation to your body and mind. It actually works! Try it right now for 5 minutes.\n\nYou can do this whenever you want for as long as you want. Please leave feedback and let me know how this works for you :)", "answer": "Thank you. I think that is a good strategy alright. ", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "94f4qp", "comment_id": "e3laal1"}, {"question": "Are the anticholinergic properties of clomipramine responsible for the reduction in ocd symptoms? (ex. forgetting you're contaminated)", "description": "I'm a 30 yo male. 155 lb. 5'6\". Non smoker. Currently taking clomipramine, risperidone, clonazepam and modafinil. These are prescribed for ocd (primarily) and major depressive disorder.", "answer": "Probably not. If it were just anticholinergic effects, less anticholinergic medications (e.g. many SSRIs) would not help. Also, as you probably are aware, taking clomipramine doesn't give you amnesia. You still remember what happened and are aware of your situation; you just hopefully feel differently about it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhbft1", "comment_id": "elrib1o"}, {"question": "Can you explain how accutane causes long-term damage even after it's discontinued? After stopping I developed MGD, IBS, brain fog, floaters; career ruined feel awful.", "description": "Hello docs,\n\nI took isotretinoin (I believe it was absorica) at age 18 in 2013, was reassured by doctor that it was quite safe and side effects are temporary, to notify him if serious/life-threatening issues arose. \n\nThe course of the medication:\n\nmo. 1: 40mg - dry lips + a little dry skin\n\nmo. 2: 40mg - dry lips + drier skin\n\nmo. 3: 50mg - dry lips + skin, joints aching, knees sore\n\nmo. 4: 40mg - knees still sore, eyes a bit try (used eye drops)\n\nMy doctor wasn't worried about the side effects at all, my blood results were all good and normal, but the side effects bothered me so I quit. 2 weeks after quitting joint aches went away, but my eyes became incredibly dry (couldn't look at a computer for longer than a few minutes without severe burning pain).\n\nEyes progressively got worse, then afterwards (a month or so), I developed IBS.\n\nAround the same time, my eyes developed awful floaters everywhere :( Nothing looks the same, it's awful. I also started noticing that I have a horrible memory and I struggle badly with brain fog.\n\nDue to memory loss + dry eyes, I had to change my career. I've been diagnosed with MGD (meibomian gland dysfunction), a permanent and progressive degenerative condition of the glands in the eyes. None of this runs in my familial history at all and I didn't have any of these issues before I stopped the drug.\n\nNow almost 6 years later I am still dealing with all this damage that only seems to be getting worse! Severely affecting my ability to have any kind of quality of life. I feel awful all the time with pain and this damage is just horrible.\n\nHere's some medical info:\n\nAge: 23\n\nG: Male, race: caucasian\n\nBlood pressure: 132/84, heart rate: 80\n\nAll blood tests are within normal ranges, tested for autoimmune markers, all normal. I've seen an ophthalmologist, a neurologist, psychiatrists, a GI doc, and my GP. When I went back to tell my original dermatologist that I developed IBS, eye issues, and brain fog AFTER accutane he said it was 'just a coincidence' and he didn't think it was related to the drug!\n\nYet after joining a facebook group and talking to other people (a couple have posted here asking about it) so many other patients have the same issue!\n\n***TL;DR:*** So, my question is, I have all these horrible life-ruining damaging effects that started after I stopped taking accutane, my dermatologist says they are unrelated but I was perfectly healthy before. What causes these post-accutane effects to start after you're not even taking the drug? Why are more doctors not taking this seriously and telling you that the side effects can happen not just during, but also after you stop it? \n\nThank you!", "answer": "This is a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. Because bad things happened after Accutane, you ascribe the bad things to Accutane. There's no way to run an experimental world in which your life is the same but you didn't take Accutane, so there's no way to prove that it was unrelated\u2014but millions of people take Accutane at an age when chronic illnesses can develop, and it's unsurprising that in some people they do, unrelated to Accutane.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e3ephv", "comment_id": "f92yzk4"}, {"question": "How would i know if i have low testosteron", "description": "How would i know if i have low testosteron  im worried i might have low testosteron\n\nwhat are the symptoms i shuld look for to indicate i might have it or not ? im kinda embarsed about asking about it to be honest but i am worried \n\nAge,32 Sex, M  Height, 172 cm Weight 98,5 kg , Race white ,", "answer": "Why are you worried that you have low testosterone if you don't know what the symptoms are? Hypogonadism is actually uncommon.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cvbrmu", "comment_id": "ey3626w"}, {"question": "Some do's and don'ts?", "description": "Hi I'm just curious about people's opinions and some advice on the current relationship I'm in. I'm a 15 yr old boy and I'm currently dating a 13 yr old girl we both don't have a problem about our ages but I've been copping a bit from some of my friends. Myself I've been through a few relationships and all bin unsuccessful to some extent she has bin through a few relationships and some very bad experiences no one should be put through she tends to get really anxious a lot and doesn't wanna see me sometimes cause she doesn't want me too see her when she's super anxious sos I'm just curious if people's opinions and what to be careful of. ", "answer": "She's below the age of consent. She's 13 and is going to be anxious about a LOT of things. Give her plenty of space and don't be pushy about ANYTHING.Be a gentleman. Be a gentle, sweet friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yunp8", "comment_id": "dmqcepj"}, {"question": "Anyway to calm an extremely overactive ADHD brain?", "description": "It really makes it difficult to sleep. So many exciting thoughts floating through my mind.", "answer": "You might find a weighted blanket helpful and deep breathing before bed. Maybe listen to a guided meditation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "acoyf6", "comment_id": "ed9t68s"}]