[{"question": "How strong is teva-venlafaxine 75 mg tablets", "description": "Girlfriend is taking two every day for anxiety and missed a dose and got every symptom from withdrawal.\n\nAnything yoy guys can tell me about this drug... Are there much stronger ones that are prescribed or is this pretty much the top dog?", "answer": "There's not a lot of good data on which antidepressants are better, but a recent large study put venlafaxine in the tentative most effective group.\n\nDaily doses go higher \\(recommended up to 225mg daily for depression or anxiety, and higher for some other diagnoses\\).\n\nVenlafaxine is well known for having one of the more rapid and unpleasant discontinuation syndromes among antidepressants. It won't harm you, but it won't be fun.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4jqc", "comment_id": "dxselrm"}, {"question": "In Need of Advice", "description": "Hi guys. \nI've been in a relationship with a great person for 3 years. We recently moved in together and while we've had some ups and downs like all couples, everything has been ok. \n\nIn moving in with her however, I've come to realize we have next to nothing in common. \n\n- She can't stand the music i listen to because i like melancholy music and she is a bit fragile emotionally so she always complains. \n- We don't really like the same movies.\n- I'm way more social than her. She barely sees her friends so we're always hanging out with mine.\n- She's more of an active person during the day and i like going out to see bands later at night. She doesn't really like being out past midnight.\n- She has an insatiable desire for travel overseas where I'm happy to travel every 5 or so years and save my money.\n- Our sex life is a little complicated. I have some intimacy issues that make it difficult and even then we are having sex maybe once a week tops and at the moment its feeling a little forced.\n- I'm from the outer suburbs and she's from the city. She works in the city and i work in the outer suburbs.  The place we live is kind of in the middle to make things fair, its an inner city suburb however and being stuck in traffic all the time is really starting to make me feel claustrophobic.\n\nDespite all these differences we have a very loving and affectionate relationship. I know she's all set on us spending our lives together.\nI love her but i'm having doubts about whether we are compatible as people but also feel like maybe I'm self sabotaging. \nI worry that I'm going to have a mid life crisis in a few years. It feels like we are living seperate lives because I'm always out playing in my band and seeing other bands play while she will stay at home or go see her parents. \n\nShe can be very hard to talk too regarding these things due to her fragile emotional state. She can often get irrational when discussing these things so it often turns into an exhausting exercise which makes me feel like i don't want to say anything to avoid an argument and try and get things back to normal. \n\nSo I'm at a crossroads. We have our lease renewal coming up in August and she is pushing for an overseas trip around then too so i feel like i need to make a decision.\n\nJust looking for some guidance because this is a decision which will change my life dramatically and im often finding myself on different sides of the fence very frequently.\n\n\n", "answer": "if you are in love, have shared values, and life goals, then the most important things are in place. shared interests are over-rated; maybe see a therapist together", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tp5hd", "comment_id": "ddo1de7"}, {"question": "Need advice please", "description": "I'm (19f) and I have a relationship I've been with him for a year and half he is 22 and like 3 months into the relationship i found that his guy friend would send him nudes of other girls and he apologize and then later we broke up and we got together right away and 2 weeks later he would still tell his friend we weren't together then that same day I found that he asked his guy friend \" who is that girl with the big booty\" and I got mad ! I don't trust him and now it's been almost a 8 months since that happen and he started being different towards me doesn't want to see me as often doesn't tell me what he is doing and says he doesn't have to tell me everything he does and he would never shave down there and now all of a sudden he starts . \n\nI need advice please , am I overreacting or he is up to something ", "answer": "he's not ready for a serious relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5majgf", "comment_id": "dc22p6i"}, {"question": "Is Antisocial Personality Disorder still a relevant term?", "description": "If so, How does it differ from Social Anxiety?", "answer": "ASPD refers to long standing maladaptive (harmful or destructive) patterns of behavior that includes destruction of property, breaking of laws, hurting people, etc. Not in any way anxiety. \n    \nBeyond that, even if \"antisocial\" meant \"asocial\" (Socially withdrawn, isolating essentially), it would still exist along with social anxiety because of the implication of a personality disorder (Axis II) verses \"mental\" disorders (Axis I). Axis I disorders are what you think of when you usually think of as mental illness. Axis I includes everything from anxiety to PTSD to depression through to schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders. \n    \nContrast this to Axis II disorders, or personality disorders. Like I said about ASPD  above, personality disorders are characterized by long standing maladaptive patterns of behaviors. Rather than possibly being caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, these disorders are usually learned in early to middle childhood and solidified during adolescence and early adulthood. They are extremely difficult to treat, partly because they are such strong tendencies and partly because someone who might be diagnosed with a personality disorder will feel that they are fine and everyone else has the problem. \n    \nIf you look into personality disorders, you'll see that they often have components that might be associated with many other disorders. It's also interesting to note that in some circles, there has been talk that dysthymia (long term, low grade depression) might be better classified as a personality disorder. This would not interfere with the classification as depression in any way. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1y3h00", "comment_id": "cfh60r0"}, {"question": "Can't tell if shes ignoring me or just busy", "description": "So I met this woman through a friend of mine and the first time we met we clicked, end up talking and dancing with her all night. I get her number and we go out and it goes amazing, next time i saw the friend who I met her through and he was telling me how much she enjoyed our time together, we go out a couple of more time each one seemimg better than the last, we have plans for a 4th date and a couple of days before she calls me up and says she has to cancel (shes a lawyer and had a big case and was super busy) a week goes by and I didn't hear from her so I figured we were done, I then get a call from her saying that the trial is over and she really wants to see me again we make a date and go hiking everything seemed to be great she wanted to hold hands while we walk and evne said that she feels incredibly comfortable with me and that it suprised her how fast we got to this point. We continued talking regularly after that and on our next date we go to a movie, again she always wantes to hold hands as we walked and pretty much spent the entire movie cuddling with me, driving her home she brings up the fact that my birthday is in a month and that we should do something, then starts asking me about my schedule for the rest of the week so on a Wednesday we make plans for friday I said that I'd like to cook her dinner and she gets a little giggily and say no man has ever done that for her, I kissed her goodnight and headed home (we started kissing on the 2nd date and it seemed like we escalated that everytime we saw each other after no sex but more contact) she even asked me to let her know when I got home. So the day of the date comes and I get a morning text from her saying verbatim \"hey im not gonna be able to do tonight\" and that was it all i texted back was \"ok\" I called her a 5 days later agter not hearing from her she didnt pick up I left a message just saying \"hey its B just seeing how you are\" that was 3 days ago. She had told me that she has a race soon I was gonna text her the day after and ask how the race went but don't know if I should or should I just leave it be a see if she ever gets back to me", "answer": "The ball is in her court. Keep living your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f10v1", "comment_id": "dielrvq"}, {"question": "Ladies of r/pcos, I need help developing a skin routine...", "description": "I recently turned 30 and I'm determined to take better care of my skin.  I'm a minority it doesn't age as fast (comparatively speaking), but I'd like to keep it as healthy and blemish-free as possible.  Right now to take care of my skin I drink water, get at least 7 hours of sleep a day, don't smoke cigarettes, and wash my face daily-if you could even call that a routine, lol.  My acne has never been severe, despite PCOS, but I do have a few scars from it.  My skin would be classified as dry. \n\nFor the sake of consistency, I would like to buy all of my products from the same brand/line.  My specifications are:  1. suited to dry skin, 2. not tested on animals (I absolutely cannot compromise on this), and 3. affordable (I work in a gov't job so I can't splurge).  I'm looking for something that's anti-aging, reduces blemishes, and brightens skin.  \n\nWhat would you ladies recommend?  Also, is it just an urban legend that drinking spearmint tea clears up your skin?", "answer": "I swear by Naturopathica. May not meet affordability criteria but the products last so you can make the case for it even financially. Yes, my face wash is like $50 but it lasts six months. Ingredients are natural, many organic, and I THINK cruelty free. \n\nI use the Oat Cleansing Facial Polish in the AM and follow with Calendula moisturizer. PM, I switch between Aloe Cleansing Gel and Sweet Lupine Makeup Remover Cleansing Cream, and follow with Calendula moisturizer again. I\u2019ve been experimenting with serum samples under the Calendula cream at night to good effect too. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7w7pv0", "comment_id": "dtz2i9f"}, {"question": "Daily Tao Wednesday: Engagement", "description": "Prey passes the tiger who\n\nSometimes merely looks,\n\nSometimes pounces without hesitation,\n\nBut never fails to act.\n\n**My Take:**\nWhen I drank, I was completely disengaged with life.  That bottle was all that mattered, and my life revolved around it.  Now, sober and alert, it's almost sensory overload.  I feel the need to \"pounce\" on everything.   Not in a violent way.  I mean I feel the need to somehow deal with everything that comes my way.\n\nI need to learn to let some things pass, but remain aware of them.", "answer": "Exactly. Sensory overload but it's all right at our finger tips, how can we not pounce? Keep it up!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43yy1y", "comment_id": "czmimme"}, {"question": "Body language and behavior in therapy only", "description": "I was asked to crosspost this a few places:\n\nI literally cower in therapy and I don\u2019t know why it induces such a visibly uncomfortable anxiety response. It\u2019s as if I\u2019m trying to hide from him\u2014I cover my face, turn my head away and hide it in my hands, pull my legs over my chest, and sometimes attempt to curl up. I\u2019m also pulling on my fingers a lot and wringing them around and playing with things constantly. My voice is also quieter and shaky. I guess maybe this is \u201cregression.\u201d\n\nI don\u2019t know why I do this. I find this really embarrassing because it makes me feel insane and like a child and like I can\u2019t have a professional adult relationship with this person. But at the same time it seems counterproductive to suppress it, as for whatever reason this submissive behavior is coming naturally to me and I shouldn\u2019t have to pretend or wear a mask in therapy. \n\nDoes anyone else leave therapy embarrassed by their body language and general way of interacting because it\u2019s not how you would interact with anyone else? I\u2019ve been wondering if it\u2019s because my therapist is male (like my abusers) or if it\u2019s just because my body feels like this is the place we will talk about my \u201ctrauma\u201d and is anticipating it.\n\nAlso: Therapists, I\u2019d love if you\u2019d also weigh in: what do you think is going on with a client if they act this way in session?", "answer": "You're protecting your body from ingress verbally, visually and perceptively. Maybe. Also I'd screen for bodily assault in your history. \n\nI've had clients do this for weeks. It's so awesome to see them come back each week because I know how hard it must be for them just to show up. \n\nYou're a fountain of courage and must want this shit bad. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "94gh2q", "comment_id": "e3kuybh"}, {"question": "I just got out of the mental hospital.", "description": "So, I've had posts here and in SW recently, and I figured I'd let folks know how that went.  I checked myself into a local mental health unit on Wednesday.  My medication has been adjusted, I am now on generic Zoloft, 100 mg.  It's an SSRI like the citalopram was, but with a much wider dosing range, so I probably won't have to mix medications to fix things.\n\nIt wasn't nearly as terrifying this time, probably because I was voluntary admission, and probably also because I wasn't in as bad of a place, mentally.  Last time I was transferred in immediately following a suicide attempt.  I didn't have hope of things being better.  This time I was suicidal, but knew there was hope, and went in intending to survive long enough for things to be fixed.\n\nThere is a reason for these places.  They aren't punishments, they aren't just prisons with better PR, and they certainly aren't Bethlem House.  If you're not feeling safe with yourself, it might well be a good idea to check yourself in to a facility for a time to get better.", "answer": "Welcome back!  Also glad you are alright.  \n\nHospitalization was one of the best things that ever happened to me in many ways.  People think I'm seriously weird for saying this.  Still, I would be dead if not for that.  Your words really ring true for me.\n\nHere's to things keep looking up from here.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yru6h", "comment_id": "c5ycaw8"}, {"question": "People with depression, how do you respond to people who tell you your not depressed?", "description": "My therapist recently told me to be more open with my anxiety and depression as he thinks desperately hiding it makes it worse. I've not been shouting it from the rooftops but I have tried being more open with friends, family and colleagues and I can't believe the negative responses that I've received, mostly about the depression part of it. From people saying 'everyone thinks they're depressed nowadays' to 'what have you even got to be depressed about?!' I can't believe how many self styled experts there are out there.", "answer": "I remember that hey aren\u2019t in my head and can\u2019t possibly diagnose me from inside their own biased worlds. I also wonder what makes them so threatened by me having depression that they can\u2019t accept it. The.m I  think about if they are really and truly valuable in my life and if they are they should want to understand, help, and support me. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7p6wbc", "comment_id": "dsf0553"}, {"question": "Question about numbing injection during medical procedure", "description": "Age: 28  Healthy Length: 1 Day\n\nNormal numbing injection for cyst removal on scalp. Is it normal for swelling to occur in the area where numbing solution was injected after the procedure is completed?", "answer": "It's normal to have swelling around where a procedure was done, which is where the numbing solution would be injected. So yes, I think so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fo5t", "comment_id": "ejd6tbt"}, {"question": "As a guy what can you do to prevent yourself from becoming a desperate clinger to the next girl who accepts you?", "description": "In the past when I had girlfriends when it ended I used to be able to shrug it off and get over it fairly quickly, but it's been about 7 years since I had a girlfriend plus I'm still a virgin as well. \n\nPlus with loneliness finally starting to kick in along with my hormones acting up  now I'm terrified at the possibility at becoming one of those people who are so insecure in themselves that I'll cling to the next girl who accepts me and bend to their every whim out of fear of losing them and fear of not knowing if I'll ever get so lucky again should it ends....\n\n", "answer": "You identified it yourself. You have to improve your self esteem, because being alone is better than a sub-par relationship, and you don't want to settle.  Self esteem comes from success. Find ways to succeed in ANY way, and it will build.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wo3em", "comment_id": "dm9i28g"}, {"question": "I distrust mental health professionals.", "description": "I have not been officially diagnosed with BPD but I am about 93% sure that this is what I'm dealing with. I want to seek help and get an official diagnosis but for a long time, I've hated psychiatrist and anything similar. I don't trust them. It stems back to when I was a senior in high school. That's when my depression went into overdrive. I would disassociate in the middle of class and end up just walking out. Or sometimes I'd get so overwhelmed with emotions and the desire to die that I would walk out, find a secluded area in the school, sit on the floor, and just cry. No one knew this though. I was the happy girl who everyone wanted to be friends with. Anyway, my English teacher was the only one who picked up on it. One day, she called me up to the front of class and whispered, \"Are you ok?\" I laughed, smiled, and said. \"yeah!\" She looked at me, reached into her desk, and wrote me a slip and told me a room number to go to. Confused, I went. Turns out it was the school therapist/psychiatrist. I ended up talking to her often. She told me that whenever I felt overwhelmed, I could come to her office, so I did. Every time I walked out of a class, I found myself knocking at her door. It was amazing, because I'm the kind who likes to suffer alone. I don't talk about my problems to anyone. If I do have BPD, it is definitely the quiet type. But here was this women who I could openly talk about my problems to without judgment. It was relieving and a huge weight off my shoulders. Well, one day I decide to open up to her about my being suicidal. The conversation went well, she told me ways to cope. That was also the day she brought up her suspicions of me being either Bipolar or having BPD. Later that day, I go home, and I am greeted by my very pissed off mother who begins yelling at me. The psychiatrist called her and told her that we'd been talking, that I was suicidal and so on. I felt completely betrayed. Looking back to it, I know that she was just doing her job. If a minor tells you they're suicidal, the wise thing to do is probably tell their parents right? Well, I come from a culture that doesn't believe in mental health issues and depression. So my mom was angry. She felt that she's given her children everything so I had no reason to be depressed. I felt like crap because my mom was so disappointed and hurt that I was depressed. Anyway, I got into a lot of trouble and since that day, I never went back to see that psychiatrist. I went back to keeping everything inside and bottling everything up. I will never forget what my mom told me when I was a kid. I was emotional all the time. She said, \"People don't always need to know how you're feeling. They don't need to know when you're sad. You see how many people love to be around me because I'm happy all the time?\" And that's what I learned. When you're happy, people love you. When you show anything else but that, people don't want anything to do with you. Anyway, I haven't ever gotten the courage to see a psychiatrist again but at this point I know that I really need to. I just don't know how to get over my distrust/fear/hatred for them.", "answer": "If you threaten suicide, that's what happens. If you feel you want to hurt yourself or might hurt yourself, that's what NEEDS to happen. If you don't believe that is a legitimate risk and you just kinda 'feel' that way, that will be the response because you cannot use suicide as a coping mechanism or a way to express yourself.\n\nThe way its set up, if your family does not believe in mental health, that's not culture so much as it is neglect. Your mom can have her own tricks but you aren't your mom. And you have more emotional intelligence than her. \n\nYour individual needs outweigh cultural needs. \n\nIf you are fasting during Ramadan most will admit they have taken a snack when they weren't supposed to. And those rules do not apply if you have health needs like diabetes. This is the same thing. You have mental illness, you need help and support. Not tradition.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "buvk9c", "comment_id": "epiheea"}, {"question": "If one more person tells me I can \"cure\" my ADHD through diet I think I might lose my mind", "description": "I rarely argue with people online, but some Instagram self-proclaimed \"nutritionist\" posted a thing about how to cure all sorts of mental illness through diet. I lost it and internet yelled at her to PLEASE stop blaming ADHD and depression on f***** gluten. Or sugar. Or whatever. \n\nI've had great luck with eating healthy. I feel better when I eat better. But it does not \"cure\" my mental illness. You know what actually makes a significant difference?? 300 mg of Wellbutrin a day. And consistent therapy. \n\nShe responded that she had \"suicidal depression\" until she stopped eating processed foods and wheat. Good for you! It didn't help me. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6. I'm 35 now. You think if cutting out bread would fix me I would have figured it out by now???\n\n/Endrant", "answer": "I got told by my psychotherapist supervisor to do yoga. Ugh.\n\nEdit: I agree that this is beneficial advice but we were talking in the context of meds.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajm4fj", "comment_id": "eex4qke"}, {"question": "When we (33f and 34m, married) get annoyed/frustrated our ability to communicate falls to pieces. Advice?", "description": "My(33f) husband(34m) and I have been together for 8ish years, married for three. We communicate well with things are going well but suck at it when things aren't. \n\nFor some history:\n\nME:\n I come from a background where talking about your problems wasn't done and was probably a sign of weakness. Crying was for girls etc. and I grew up being a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle now. For example, when my brother died and I tried to talk about it I got shot down pretty quick and afterwards it was pretty clear that we don't talk about that now - and we didn't. I wasn't shown a lot of affection after that and I get that it must have been hard after losing a child and respect that but it was still hard. For example, I was in an accident and nearly died and needed a hug from my mother and she told me I was an attention seeker and turned away. I was so obvious that I had a stranger come and give me a hug while I broke down in tears. Again, I get here that it must have been scary for her and brought up a lot but I needed my parents and didn't have them. \n\nHIM:\nHis parents got pregnant at uni and when his Dad found out he left , coming back to pay minimal child support and then when he asked his new girlfriend to marry him, she responded only if you never talk to your son again and pretend he never existed. He agreed and my husband never saw him again. His mother remarried and he grew up as the other. Not really considered one of the kids and the first to get in trouble as a proxy for everyone else and has a lot of feelings of his life being unfair. He left home young and has made his own way since. He needs a lot of reinforcement and has a low self-esteem. \n\nTogether:\nWe got pregnant basically as soon as we moved in together and it was way too early in the relationship but we made it work. Because we hadn't developed a strong foundation there was a fear that any fight could be the end for him and he walked on eggshells around me. He didn't want to leave because he didn't want to be his Dad and I didn't want to make him leave because I didn't want to take away his experience of being a Dad. Anyway, we fell out of love, we fell back in love and we lasted. We worked through our issues before we got married but that fear of it not working pervaded the mechanics of our relationship even when we got to the point where we knew it was irrational because we had survived so much. \n\nWe ended up with a fear of confrontation, him because he thought I would leave him any time we fought and me because I thought he would get emotional and think I was leaving when I wasn't and I wanted to avoid the fall out. So we stopped fighting.\nI used to be a get everything out in the moment and deal person but now I am a walk away, calm down, get head straight and then come back and explain why things went wrong, what triggered the response, apologise or talk about the issues. He wants me to be able to do all of that in a heightened emotional state and I don't know how to anymore. We are good at tapping out or noticing when the other parent is overwhelmed and then they can go have a time out while we take over but we cannot seem to stay in the same space with those feelings and communicate without either feeding off of each other or getting the other one annoyed and making it worse. If he gets overwhelmed and angry he wants me to hug him to calm him down and make it all better but I can't/won't do that because I won't go towards someone who is angry. For clarity, he isn't abusive but I have experienced that in the past before him and he is probably less angry than I am perceiving through my own experiences. I get that he needs love in that place to feel worth but I don't know how to give it to him. \n\nWhat I am asking is, does anyone have advice or tools to be able to negotiate or interact successfully in times of heightened emotion. I don't want him to get cranky at the kids because he/we can't manage his frustration and it builds and I don't want him to feel misunderstood or unloved. When he is alright he is so patient and understanding and a such a great Dad but when he is overwhelmed/impatient/cranky then I tend to get angry at him and make it worse and I don't want to. \n\nHow do we calm each other rather than riling each other up when we are in that place other than removing ourselves or recommending that the other remove themselves. What do you do in these situations? We don't really fight - we get cranky and stop communicating and need to change this.\n\nEdited to add:\nTldr: Feed off each other when we are angry and don't want to. How can we communicate better in a heightened emotional state? ", "answer": "needs a summary;  tl;dr. happy to help if you do that. thanks.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v17ic", "comment_id": "ddyfjh7"}, {"question": "Close friend of mine [22/f] is about to make a fairly large commitment to someone [19/m] she hardly knows.", "description": "Throwaway because she uses reddit and knows my name.\n\nSo this friend of mine. She met a guy online through a video game who just turned 19. Fresh out of high school going to the military. He's gone through his basic training and such and will be stationed in Germany for at least two years starting in a couple months.\n\nThey've seen each other in real life for three visits now, two weekends and one week (he lives about 3hrs away by plane). And they've realized the only way they'll be able to continue seeing each other is if she moved to Germany which neither of them have the money to support unless they get married and the US Government foots the bill. Now, apparently he's willing to foot the bill to send her back to the US and take care of everything divorce wise if things don't work out.\n\nThe thing is, she's looking to go back to school to be a Vet and has a job now. All of which she'd have to give up and/or go to school in Germany, again, with help from her boyfriend/husband (and the government most likely because they can't afford it again).\n\nThe biggest issue is this guy has totally fallen like a sack of bricks for her (as you'd expect when you read on below)... and she keeps saying she really likes him but she broke up with her boyfriend less than 4 months before meeting this guy. Not to mention, this is the guy's first relationship ever, no girlfriends in high school or anything. This is screaming \"help, I'm rebounding\" and \"omg someone looked at me\" all over but she just hasn't listened to anything I've said.\n\nOtherwise, to be honest, the guy's a nice guy from what I've seen. Just... she (nor I for that matter) really know him at all.\n\nPersonally, I just see a giant train wreck from every angle I'm really looking for some good input, I'm at a loss of what to tell them because to me it's fairly obvious. I'm on the verge of just letting them potentially ruin their collective lives but I'd prefer if that didn't happen. Unless you guys think I'm wrong, either way I'd really like to know, please help.", "answer": "It probably won't work out, but it will be fun while it lasts. Just tell her to get some long-acting birth control, like Mirena.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "161iql", "comment_id": "c7rvrft"}, {"question": "My dad is 55, only brushes his teeth in the morning, doesn't floss, smokes, eats all kinds of food, and has never had dental problems.", "description": "Is this normal? do we really need to brush at night and floss?", "answer": "Its all about probabilities and risk. If you took 100 people you'd find a significant number with health problems if they lived this lifestyle, but there would also be some that are fine. That's medicine for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kj5xh", "comment_id": "dboqcxn"}, {"question": "[M/17] Girl I had a date with said she felt a friend vibe and that's it so she rejected me, what did I do wrong?", "description": "(She's F/18) We'd been texting and calling a lot prior to our first date because I haven't been able to arrange a date right away so we'd call at night for a few hours and it was fun and she liked me. We went on a date to get some ice cream and just talk for a bit. Now I'm not really the conversation starter but once it's started I can kinda go on all sorts of tangents in most cases. I've never had a girlfriend before and there wasn't any touching because I just didn't know what to do so maybe that was it. ", "answer": "She's just not into you. You might or might not have had any capacity to change that. \n\nWhen you feel yourself going on tangents, see if you can breathe and relax. \n\nOnwards!\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh420", "comment_id": "di2l043"}, {"question": "My neighbor may have broken in my house today, while I was home", "description": "I live in an apartment complex and have known this neighbor for a little less than a year while living here. He lives with his girlfriend in an apartment where his first floor porch faces my driveway/front door. So he always sees our friend's cars parked out front and tends to invite himself over whenever he feels he wants to 'get in on this.' \n\nI lost a spare key some time ago and had been unsure to chalk it up as carelessness (tho I remember using it to get in the house, then putting it on the counter) or if it had been taken from me.\n\nToday I got home from work around 4:30 and locked the door behind me, like I do everytime out of habit. My boyfriend had already left for work so I was in an empty house, aside from being on the phone with my boyfriend. That's when my neighbor called. I had a bad feeling about that call because once in the past, he had called my phone to see if I am home when bf is at work. Then when I got home, an envelope with ~$200 was missing. Again, could have been carelessness (but goddamn, 200 is worth a lot to me right now). Suspicions of my neighbor being a theif have risen since that incident, along with 2 others- both where weed out on the table dissappeared while bf and I were out. Each time, the neighbor had knowledge of these valuables. I really get a bad feeling from him in general. I've seen him go on xanex binges and steal candy from stores and I hear the way he talks about ways to get over on people in little ways that will go unnoticed. To me, he's a snake. \n\nAnyway, I was hanging out on the couch today, talking on the phone to my bf after work when (after the phone call) there was a knock on the door. I didn't answer it, but had even more of a feeling that something was going to happen. I knew neighbor was the on knocking and felt like he was testing to see if anyone was home and would answer.\n\nSo bf got off the phone and I turned the tv off, I was just chilling and redditing on my phone. That's when I hear what sounds like my lock being turned by a key and my door cracks open, there he is. The couch I was sitting on has a direct view down the stairs into the foyer where the front door is and goddamn, seeing his face there sent me in more of a rage than I have ever felt. I start yelling at him \"you fucking opened my door with a key! That door was locked! What the fuck?!?!\" \n\nAnd his defense? \"Oh, the door was unlocked, I SWEAR! I just opened it to make sure that your house was safe!\"\n\nI wasn't wearing pants and was wrapped in a blanket and was just screaming at him for lying and opening the door and to get the fuck out of my face and door. Slammed door and locked, followedby serious rage home alone.\n\nI didn't call the cops.\n\nWhat if it was unlocked? Like I said, locking the door when entering is my habit, but what if I hadn't locked it for some reason? Wow, I wish I called the cops.I am so enraged. This kid is a pussy douche. He wouldn't have come in and hurt me, but he would have probably snooped around just looking for weed or money to steal if he had the oppurtunity.\n\nI want him to fess up to having our key, but what if he doesn't have it? He also for sure KNOWS I HATE when he let's himself in my place. I'm not tight with him like that.\n\nPlus he has a warrent out for a failure to appear for traffic court... he could be takenaway, I am so mad I didn't call the cops right away in retrospect. I had to get this off my chest, I.am.angry.", "answer": "There are three steps that you need to do right now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, right-the-heck-now.\n\n**One:** Call the police. Tell them basically what you wrote here, that you're sure you had locked the door and you heard him turn the lock. Even if he is some \"good guy,\" his excuse is lame as hell. \"I'm opening your door to make sure your apartment is safe?\" Give me a break.\n\n**Two:** Call your apartment's management. Tell them about the incident and that you feel unsafe. If they're halfway decent people, they're going to do two things: change your locks free of charge and kick that asshole out.\n\n**Three:** If your apartment's management aren't halfway decent people, call a locksmith and change your locks yourself.\n\nListen, I'm not trying to frighten you, but it appears as if a stranger has access to your home. You don't know him and you need to rectify that situation as soon as possible for your own safety. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1ey0fc", "comment_id": "ca4wxti"}, {"question": "A bit about how the government almost got me killed and raped, and why I can't work with my Dad or go back to school. [rant]", "description": "I posted this in response to someone on askreddit, but I felt like posting it here. I have a lot of anxiety issues and I decided to subscribe to this subreddit so I can rant occasionally, and also talk to people who go through similar things. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I've been down on myself since forever because I can't work. I dropped out of school when I was 15. Anyways...\n\nThe last week has been full of flashbacks and shit. Basically the government was responsible for putting me in a situation where I was almost killed and raped and I am very traumatized, and my government paid therapist quit seeing me because she is a shitty therapist and I have nowhere to turn to so I'm almost literally rotting away, at least my teeth are. I have had a sinus infection since november and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get really sick and die soon.\n\nI'm just high functioning autistic. I need help and the government isn't helping me except they pay for my house and that's it. My social worker doesn't even phone me she wouldnt know if I died.\n\nI tried working but the PTSD stopped me because my dad works in a store that has a major trigger. Box cutter/retractable blade reminded me of someone who used to slit his wrists to get a reaction out of us, and 2x4 reminded me of when the same guy would ge tlocked in a theraputic queit room to stop him from attacking us and a 2x4 was jammed in the ahllway to stop the door from busting out. I can't go back to school because someone I met in group therapy for aspergers tried to get me in the bathroom so he could rape me. My occupational therapist ditche dme because I was trying to go to the dentist so my sinus infection and rotting teeth would be fixed before I went to school.\nI can't really afford to pay for a new therapist on my own. All the government paid ones were shit to me.\n\nI'd be able to work with my dad if that wasn't the case, but it is and it's all due to really shitty therapists and health care system! I don't care if I take money from the government or if people think I'm a lazy stoner, because I know myself why I can't work or go back to school.\n\n(I don't actually smoke weed I just like the word stoner.)\n\n", "answer": "While of course it is impossible to tell via reddit, you seem to be a bit manic. Consider going to a hospital.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y6zvk", "comment_id": "c5tb61k"}, {"question": "Feeling pretty good for once!", "description": "I've always had problems with acne and dry skin on my face and have been trying out a new skin routine lately. I'm also in Arizona on vacation and it's way more dry here than I'm used to. I've been spending basically all my time inside, though, which is good because my face creams make me prone to burning. But anyways, I woke up yesterday and was absolutely horrified! My *entire* face was dry and peeling! Parts of my face were also red and splotchy, like some sort of burn. I have anxiety, and I was completely overwhelmed with the idea of going out in public looking like that.\n\nI immediately started freaking out and almost had a panic attack, but was able to calm myself down (woo!). I desperately wanted to pick all the skin off my face but I didn't really have time and knew it would probably look worse if I did. I only picked at my skin a little bit, around my eyelids where some skin was already mostly off anyways. I only spent like a minute picking, which is a huge accomplishment for me in a disaster scenario like this!! I just put on some moisturizer (CeraVe's Skin Renewing Night Cream) and my skin was actually almost completely fine by the end of the day!\n\nI think my skin probably got so bad partially because I've been slowly integrating new products into my face routine over the past few weeks + I'm in a dry area + we were running the AC all night. I'm not sure what was up with burnt looking spots, though, since I literally wasn't out in the sun at all... But I'm super proud of myself for mostly resisting the urge to pick! I can tell I'm getting better at controlling myself which is a big deal so I just wanted to share it with someone :)", "answer": "Congratulations! Good work choosing to take care of yourself :)", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "96efci", "comment_id": "e4drkhb"}, {"question": "How to handle compliments?", "description": "I been overweight for almost my whole life 29 atm. And I been bullied and criticised for many things. Because of this I have a low self esteem. Lately I started working out and lost a lot of weight. And I get a lot of compliments especially in the gym. I usually say thanks But it's really hard for me to handle. I'm not obesse anymore but I am still fat, and so I mostly response like \"Thank you, but I still got a long way to go\" or something.", "answer": "That sounds fine to me and very humble.  \n\n\nIf you're trying to build your confidence up a little, try just saying \"thanks\" without making a negative statement about yourself or saying thanks and giving yourself an acknowledgement instead like \n\n\n\"Thanks... I've been working really hard at it!\"\n\n\nIt may not seem like that huge of a difference but the way you talk about yourself is closely linked to how you think/feel about yourself.  If you change one, the other will start to follow.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "alhc2o", "comment_id": "efe3ug2"}, {"question": "Extremely paranoid friend who is getting worse every day.", "description": "I have an extremely paranoid friend living with me. They are suspecting that some government agency is targeting them and trying to convince everyone to work against them, to the point where they think I'm also \"in on it\". I have tried both pushing back on some of these ideas and going along with them to try to show the person that these ideas are false. This does come after a bad trauma with a problematic employer that made my friend leave their job. They also have a history of mental health illness (severe anxiety) and they've basically been a recluse for the last few years only focusing on their job. At this point it's hard to make them leave the house, let alone try to go see a therapist. They are looking for a new job but they are now becoming paranoid that any interview offer will just be a chance for this government agency to mess with them yet again. My current approach is to leave them alone and just surround them with positive things (nice food, funny movies, good books), but I have a feeling things are progressively getting worse as they are alone by themselves most of the day and coming up with new conspiracy theories.\n\n​\n\nCurrently this person is living with us, because we were too afraid of letting them go live on their own. They dropped everything and drove across the country because they felt safest at our place. They said they could move out but it seems it may be a problem letting them be alone in this state. Is there an agency or a support line one could call (USA) to help them out?", "answer": "There could be a myriad of things going on there, so I would suggest looking up local resources and ways that your friend can get a proper medical workup and also a psychiatric evaluation.\n\nYou can always call the National Suicide Lifeline for some possible local resources. Note that you will want to call with a phone number that is local to your area code so you will be routed to the closest call center that may be more familiar with your area. You can also call 2-1-1 or go on their website and look for the local county behavioral health facilities. Many of them operate with state funding support and can help if finances are an issue. Same with local county health department for the medical workup.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cvnks5", "comment_id": "ey5tu1u"}, {"question": "[25/unsure about gender?] Trouble making friends", "description": "Hi r/relationship_advice. First time posting here, still really new to reddit in general (3 weeks-ish). I'll try to keep this short.\n\n2016 absolutely wrecked me. I feel like I went from having it all to having basically nothing (and I've been homeless before. 2014 still wasn't this bad in comparison). A relationship of mine [19/F] became untenable after a year back in April, because I realized the person did not appreciate anything I did for them and they would rather yell at me when other people fell through instead of accepting my advice and help. I learned in the process that it is not a good idea to date someone who you act as a mentor figure towards.\n\nThat person then proceeded to spread lies about me on social media, yes, *that* familiar story. That would have been easy to deal with because the Internet is not my life, but I had to move shortly after that. Twice. In three months. Fairweather friends fell through, and long-time friends became distant. The online rumor mill got worse, and, long story short, I cannot go back to the websites on which I once had many friends.\n\nAnd, not that I ever really had any \"friends\" through my job, but I was also fired from my job of 7 years (for reasons I will not disclose) back in October. I got a new job two weeks later, but it's a completely different environment--I went from retail to Chipotle. I get along with my coworkers, but it feels like they have a social circle I can't get into for whatever reason.\n\nI have lived in this current position since August. The only upside to my social life is that I have a new girlfriend [20/F], someone who has remained my only regular-contact friend throughout everything. But at my age, I know it is unhealthy for a relationship when one partner has nobody else to talk to.\n\nI'm an outgoing person, really. But after the barrage of hits to my life over the past year, I'm kind of in a daze, and lately I find myself feeling heartbroken, even though I do have a loving girlfriend. It's unfamiliar to me to be in a position where I can honestly say I have no friends. I don't have a lot of money, so I can't really go out to bars, or anything like that. I kind of just... go to work, go home, and on off days, I go to the store and then go home.\n\n**tl;dr 2016 wrecked my social life. Outgoing person with no money, no car, new job, and no friends. Sad! What do?**", "answer": "have you checked out meetup.com ? a great way to meet people and pursue interests.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oez0k", "comment_id": "dcjj0tk"}, {"question": "I don\u2019t understand my own feelings?", "description": "It\u2019s difficult for me to even use the term depressed; one minute I\u2019m fine and the next I\u2019m uncontrollably sobbing, is this what being a normal woman is? Everyone keeps telling me it\u2019s normal to feel like this and to get crazy mood swings, but I hardly think it\u2019s normal to get so desperately unhappy out the blue to want to take your own life? I\u2019m kind of at a loss where to turn now, or even if my friends are really friends. I lash out at the people I like the most and isolate myself for weeks and I think I\u2019m a horrible person. I get the worst social anxiety talking to new people to the point I don\u2019t see how I can make new friends. \n\nI just feel so desperately lonely and I\u2019ve turned away from the people I love the most, but I don\u2019t know how to fix myself? ", "answer": "I understand how you feel, the same happens to me a lot.   We just have to remember that our feelings are real but may not reflect reality.  Medication and therapy might help stabilize these things, but self care may also be very helpful to make you feel good.   Mindfulness meditation is also helpful, but takes a little practice.  I hope this helps.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9q6k9l", "comment_id": "e8712au"}, {"question": "CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER PHONE CALL", "description": "My 10 year old son has ALWAYS been busy...even in the womb!  Flash forward to 4th grade!  I feel like I'm at a breaking point.  I'm a divorced single mother of 2 and this is very stressful.  The phone calls that I get AT WORK...notes home..low test scores...inability or down right refusal to cooperate with homework...phone calls and pleading with dad for assistance are unproductive and I have no idea what to do!!  I'm depressed and quite frankly I believe he is as well.  Adderall XR 5mg produced voices.  Teachers have other students to focus and my patience has been run ragged.  WHERE DO I GO...WHAT DO I DO??", "answer": "Oh dear. Could you homeschool and work or would you get a tutor? I know how hard it is emotionally for the kids...not to mention the parents ! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9ahzgx", "comment_id": "e4vnuig"}, {"question": "[29/M] Please help me with this sensitive subject. (25/F)", "description": "My girlfriend, I love her to bits. We live together, and have been together for a couple years now. We are terrific in so many ways yet there is one consistent thing that divides us - Her eating habits and lack of physical activity. I've tried to express my concerns, but the few times we've really gotten into it, its resulted in a massive breakdown. I understand that this is a very controversial topic, and I'm not insensitive towards her feelings. I never ask her to 'watch her figure' what to eat or not, or to 'lose weight', I couldn't care less about the number on the scale. I just want her to be capable, have the energy an average person of her age should, and to like what she sees in the mirror, I know some days she doesn't. I cook very often, (breakfast, lunches and dinners) and always try and make sure good options for food are available, yet she eats as much as me - a fellow trying to keep weight on. She is the smallest of the women in her family, and if she is heading down that sort of path, I don't know if I can follow. I couldn't be coming from a better place here, I just want her to be well. I'm worried she is mildly addicted to sugar, or just doesn't believe she can do anything about it so isn't trying. \n\nI'd really appreciate some different viewpoints on the subject, even if you're just telling me I'm insensitive for feeling this way. \n\nEdit: How do I approach talking more about this without it feeling like an attack, or that she isn't good enough for me? The last thing I want is for her to hate her body even more. Anything I suggest -whether it be eating habits or physical activity- I always say I will do it with her, one hundred percent. ", "answer": "that's a very thoughtful, sensitive post. bottom line: you've expressed your sincere genuine concern for her health.  the ball's in her court. nothing else you can do.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6d5y7v", "comment_id": "di06617"}, {"question": "What's it like visiting a counselor?", "description": "I hope this isn't the wrong place to post this but basically I've been having anxiety and what I think is depression for a few years now and it's just gotten really worse recently to the point where I really think I may need help from a counselor. There's a free counselling service in our college but I'm absolutely terrified to go. Is it awkward or anything?", "answer": "Your first session is super laid back. The counselor can't help you out if they don't know you very well. So the first session you're just chillin'. You both just hang out and get to know each other. It's important that you're a good fit for your therapist. Once you've built up a relationship, then the therapist might ask about what brought you in.\n\nI personally love intakes. You just get to hang out and chill. I even sometimes play board games or card games with clients.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "498xyx", "comment_id": "d0q823t"}, {"question": "Why am I still here?", "description": "A person dm me and asked me why am I still on this sub. He said you\u2019ve been clean for over 2 years, you shouldn\u2019t need as much support as other who are just starting this journey.  My response was this.\n\nI know how hard it is to to end this habit. I know how difficult it is when you\u2019re beginning to go through of remaining clean. I know how stressful it is dealing with withdrawals. Why not lend help to others? This sub has been supportive to me during my early journey. Why not give back? Also just because I may up the road a bit doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t use the support. I smoked for 25 freaking years. Two years clean is a great accomplishment but I\u2019m still healing I\u2019m still in recovery. Although my paws wave symptoms are spreading further and further apart by the months, I still experience them . 25 years a dam long time. Weed was my wife, my girlfriend my everything. So I understand the \nstruggle.\nSo I say guys continue to get all the support from this sub as you can. Support is needed more now than ever. Everyone here knows the struggle and can provide the strength to keep you moving ahead. Good luck to you all.", "answer": "Maintenance is just as important", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "i5wsaa", "comment_id": "g0sa0kk"}, {"question": "Need some advice in seeking help.", "description": "Hello there, I know this kind of thing gets posted all the time, but I'm a little bit lost.\n\nI've struggled a lot of my life with mental health issues. Recently it's gotten rather worse, and I'm ready to seek help in the form of therapy or anything else really.\n\nI unfortunately don't have insurance, and my wife and I's income is definitely not above the poverty line. To add to that, we live in a very conservative state not known for caring much about it's citizens let alone their happiness.\n\nI'm unsure where to go, I've done numerous google searches for low to no cost options. It's not like I'm completely devoid of money, we probably have only 100 or so spare dollars every month for incidentals. I would pay for help if I had the resources.\n\nAt this point I just really don't know what to do. My mental state is definitely effecting my life and my relationships with my wife and other family and friends. \n\nI've tried meditating and being aware of what thoughts arise in my brain before I let them snowball, and I have gotten better at realizing when I need to remove myself from a situation and go to the gym to help my mental state. Unfortunately thoughts still get past me without my noticing and my thought pattern turns dark.\n\nI'm not suicidal and I don't want to die. Quite often recently though, I have said that if I had the option to return to a blank slate and start over, it would be what I wanted to do.\n\nI guess I can add a little about what I'm struggling with to at least make this interesting for those helpful souls out there.\n\nI have struggled with anger issues my entire life, from those stem jealousy issues. I am extremely critical of myself and very abusive to myself (mostly mental, but sometimes physical). I find that I obsess over thoughts, without realizing it. I bring things up time and time again if I don't feel like they've been resolved. I often lash out in times of frustration at those around me that I care for. I understand that a healthy life style is important to mental health so I try to eat the best I can and go to the gym once a day for 30 minutes or so to try to help my mind. I know this probably isn't enough but I try. Often my mood will darken really easily and I find that if I don't realize it things will just compound and build until I explode with emotion. Even if I do realize I'm feeling down there often isn't things I can do to stop it from happening. \n\nIt's really straining my relationship with my wife. Often times the smallest things will become a huge argument for no reason at all. Both of us feeling like the other is being unfair. She has told me recently that she's just done caring about things because I bring them up so often.\n\nOf course I don't want to be this way, I don't like being angry for no reason. or getting overly frustrated easily and lashing out at people around me. I don't like having little fights with my wife over stupid stuff. or hurting myself over small situations that I find stressful. \n\nI'm sorry if this is all over the place and rambly I'll put a TLDR in at the end.\n\nTLDR: I need lots of help, can't afford it, even cheap options like a web based with an assistance plan un affordable.", "answer": "If the income for both you and your wife does not place you above the poverty line, you should be eligible for Medicaid.  Part of Medicaid covers mental health services where individuals can receive therapy and psychiatry if needed with absolutely no copay.  Some folks who make too much money to get Medicaid for medical reasons can still get it specifically for mental health.\n\n\nFind out where you need to go to apply, then once you get your card, you can call the number and find local community mental health centers that take the insurance and go from there.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8uvfvo", "comment_id": "e1ihsee"}, {"question": "Bursts of emotions", "description": "Ever since I've had a lot of my symptoms under control and am no longer suppressing my emotions, I've started to feel its more out of my control, especially my anger.\n\nI was very mild tempered before but now my anger is firey and I'm starting to hold grudges, whereas before I never did.\n\nAnyone have methods of keeping ones emotions I'm check?", "answer": "To manage emotions, it is important to first acknowledge it in that moment and explore how the feeling occurred, especially with anger. Emotional reactions come from 10% with what is actually happening and 90% from past experiences. Something to try is asking yourself some questions during the inital moment of anger...simply fill in these sentences with your experience.     \n**The anger started when.....(situation)**      \n**How my body feels with this anger is....(body sensations)**    \n**Another time before when I felt this sensation was...(similar feeling and event)**    \n\nThis is not a quick fix but gives a constructive format that you can use in meditation. I also experience anger in situations and found that I hold grudges and have outbursts because I was letting it \"stay-in\" for so long while also expecting others to understand me. What was a mild annoyance eventually turned into a huge resentment. In fact just had one this past week! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "71cw2y", "comment_id": "dna1oil"}, {"question": "Is eating wholegrains unhealthy?", "description": "I'm in my late 20s, born in Australia, have Slovenian and English background. \n\nKnown issues: hypertension, mental illness, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, chronic fatigue, asthma, elevated CRP in blood tests (labs say <5 Is normal, mine over the past year has been 12-18).\n\nI am morbidly obese (1.8 metres tall, 154kg) and am trying to lose weight. Ultimately I want to be healthier and take better care of myself. \n\nI read some literature from Dr. Michael Moseley recently which suggests eating whole grains isn't a good idea, but the current Australian Dietary Guidelines suggests they're a key part of a healthy diet. I did research online and became more confused as it seems to be a point of contention amongst health professionals.\n\nI have three questions: \n\n1. How much exercise would you usually recommend to a beginner who has been medically cleared to perform exercise? \n2. Do you recommend whole grain foods to a person who is morbidly obese?\n3. Do you know what can cause persistent mildly elevated CRP?", "answer": "1. Exercise as tolerated. Start with brisk walking and build up.\n\n2. I would take professional organizations\u2019 guidelines over a specific person. Whole grains are recommended over non-whole, but the most important thing is reducing overall calories in.\n\n3. Nonspecifically, inflammation. That includes metabolic syndrome from obesity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "apfnqv", "comment_id": "eg81mwj"}, {"question": "Getting Over a Cheating Ex/Contacting His Friends on Facebook", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am at my wits end about a guy I was casually dating for a few months. We had met on Craigslist and when we first met he said he wanted a friends with benefits situation. This became much more flaky and inconsistent, meeting at random hours of the evening and sometimes weeks apart. I am going through a really difficult time because I then found out he has a girlfriend and he keeps on postings ads on Craigslist and he's also not talking to me. \n\nI am very close to want to create a fake Facebook account to tell his friends about all this bullshit but I feel like it might be taking it a step too far. I am also trying really hard to move on and not let the fact that he's an asshole bring me down. help .... \n\n2 Sep 2017", "answer": "You two were fwb...so from your point of you, he didn't wrong you. If he's a fuck-up in his personal life, you don't need to get involved. Just move on with more important things in life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xkjcc", "comment_id": "dmgnc6n"}, {"question": "Why did I pass out after peeing?", "description": "This happened a few years ago when I was probably 15 or 16, 5'8, and around 155 lbs, no medical conditions, no medications. I am female. So I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (which was kind of painful in my bladder for some reason), when I was done I started to feel very, very nauseous and I felt like I was losing my hearing (sound was muffled and I think my ears were ringing, but not sure about that part). I walked to my parents' room to tell them and started walking back to my room, but I lost consciousness three or four times (according to my dad) and ended up on the floor. This has only happened this one time, but I just don't know why.\nSorry, I have just always wanted to know why this happened! If anyone has an idea that would be appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "There's a term for this: micturation syncope. (That's fancy medical words for urination fainting.) We don't really know why it happens, but you're not alone in having this odd experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bwh1q", "comment_id": "dxaam8t"}, {"question": "Professional Complaint? Maybe A Lawsuit?", "description": "Im 60, on a disability for bipolar (manic + depress) for 17 yrs. Took me 8 yrs to get meds right. I still cant work (i volunteer), divorced 5 yrs ago. Stay hypomanic ... else slip to depressed..\n\n3 yrs ago, met woman onlin. For 3 years my only, she had my heart, kept me manic, drained my pension & savings over $50k. When i poked, then pushed for a \"repayment plan\" *poof*  in  one text, \"diff directions\". No face, no.voice. A. Week later, all corresp 'thru my lawyer\".\n\nMORE#1: she is an LCSW & MSW. No schmo.\n\nMore#2: Shes a  big shot, published books, speaks at natl conf's, first name basis with famous experts. She mentors jr counselors getting certificates. Consultant w/travel.\n\nMORE#3. I showed her my manic danger (few years back i gave $30k to dancer, little here little there). This july I had \"depr event\", at xmas I warned gf I was in bleak period.\n\nI setup joint counseling (to break us up \"gently\") but after one session, she ghosted me, dumped by text, lawyered up. \n\nHad it been down cycle, I should have been suicidal. Instead, up cycle, I've been on 8 week manic anxiety. For 2 years i warned her not to do this. She treats bipolars all week, lets me advise her on some.tools & tricks. She KNOWS all of this, but did it to me anyway\n\nCan i file a  professional complaint. An Lcsw?\nCan i inform Emploers/ conferences)\nCan i persue my $40k? Add Pain & suffering?\n\nShe targeted me, fleeced me, dumped me.\n\nIf nothing else I feel  an obligation to warn others she is a \"black widow\" girlfriend , dont date her.", "answer": "Anything you could do would have to be personal.  Nothing you described related to her legal or professional obligations.  You would have to say what code she violated. This was a personal relationship. Typically , the board looks at complaints from patients and other professionals.  \n\nYou used other professions as examples,  but those examples involved legal violations. \n\nYou would have to talk to an attorney about whether the financial issue constitutes elder abuse , but you said it was because you were manic,  not elderly.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fkma45", "comment_id": "fldk76m"}, {"question": "Probably gonna dump somebody for the first time, advice appreciated!", "description": "Well, I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks. As it sometimes goes, you get to know the person better and you realize they're not really who you thought they were and the chemistry that you thought was there just isn't anymore. Long story short, girl is depressed in general and super clingy, but I don't feel like I'm getting much out of that relationship tbh. \n\nI'm still a bit on the fence, but yeah... How do I go about doing this? Usually, I was too slow to catch on that it wasn't working so I got dumped, this time around it's me and I don't know how to do it. I feel insecure about whether it's the right move, but also exhausted and empty, kinda. I think she uses me as a way to escape her depression and she's anxious about losing me. I feel like she's kinda self-centered and I just lack that \"wow\" feeling about her. \n\nI don't really feel comfortable just letting it \"fade out\", because I think it's a dick move and it would just prolong the pain. So I'm facing doing something \"abrupt\" to somebody who's unstable, yet I'm not 100% sure about it either. On the other hand, if this was the right person, I most likely wouldn't be having these thoughts in first place, right?\n\nAnyway, any advice is appreciated. Thanks!\n\nEDIT: I decided to tell her how I feel currently for starters, because she was sending me messages and I didn't feel like talking now. She told me I can take my time to rest, but then sent me 3 messages to my phone. First one saying she misses me, then one asking whether the first one was OK, then one saying she hopes I will feel better. I'm just fucking tired.\n\nAlso, thanks for all the answers so far!", "answer": "be polite and direct.  \"i'm sorry, you're a great person, but this isn't working out for me\"....", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61fc6n", "comment_id": "dfe2f74"}, {"question": "Fluoxetine side effects", "description": "I was prescribed fluoxetine for ADHD. I eased into it up to 20mg per day. It has no effect on me that I could distinguish, so I have been easing off of it. I am now at 10mg once a week, but I just can't stop it due to 2 particularly strange side effects that come in after being off it for a week. \n\n1. Hot finger, this is really strange, but the top of my left index fingers all of a sudden feels like it in the hot sun. It doesn't hurt, and only lasts a few seconds.\n\n2. Fever zaps, I get these zaps to my brain and body that feel like a bad fever. It lasts 1 to 2 seconds, then it's gone. The frequency of these increase the longer I am off meds until it happens multiple times per hour and I give up and take another pill. The symptoms go away within a few hours. \n\nMy prescribing Dr is psychologist so his comment about these are that they are strange. I would like to know more or if anyone else has experienced these?", "answer": "OK - why the heck would you be prescribed fluoxetine (an antidepressant) for ADHD?\n\nOtherwise the hot finger is unrelated. Ive never had a patient complain of \"fever zaps\" either.\n\nAlso - fluoxetine has a long half-life, so there shouldn't be an issue with withdrawal symptoms (especially at the low dose of 20mg), especially if you are a 30something male. You should quite easily stop from 20mg without the need for a 10mg prescription.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qqelt", "comment_id": "dkzb57h"}, {"question": "I wish I had the power to stop drinking.", "description": "I've tried a few times, once staying sober for three months. Last night I made a fool of myself in front of my boyfriend's friends at a birthday gathering and I'm sitting here crying because he tried to help me but all I could see last night was him trying to bully me. I can't deal with the crushing drunk guilt any more. Does anyone have any tips whatsoever on how to stay sober?", "answer": "I switched to pot. I am much more in control", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2jgfm0", "comment_id": "clbqhcg"}, {"question": "I'm [30/m] in an aggravating situation with my girlfriend [29/f] of almost 3 years. Am I doing this right?", "description": "Hello! I've been dating my girlfriend now for almost 3 years. After only a few months of dating, she slithered herself into my apartment and moved in. I didn't care too much as I figured it would help me financially and we got along quite well. She has student loans, a lot of them. I believe it will take 15-20 years at her current rate to pay them off. She has no plan to use her education whatsoever as she doesn't want to pursue that career anymore. She works a couple jobs, one is full time, the other is part time. She barely makes enough to pay her own bills. \n\nThe problem is that she pays for nothing in our life together. No rent, bills, entertainment or food. Once in a great while she will hand me some cash for groceries, maybe 3 times a year. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she took over duties in the home like cleaning and cooking. But no, I do everything. If I don't, it will never get done. She complains about cleaning and prefers me cooking or ordering food. \n\nShe's really pushing for marriage. For over a year, she always mentions it or creates an argument about it. To her it's only about love, that if you really love someone, you marry no matter what. I do agree with that, but if I will be supporting us for the next 2 decades, I do not feel comfortable doing so. She has sort of looked for a better job, but doesn't have much ambition to do so. She always says she feels bad that I spend money for both of us every time we go out, but complains that we never do anything. I can't stand always buying for two. Younger me fell into credit debt and I'm paying it off now but it's difficult having to do this all by myself with her living for free. It wasn't until recently that she borrowed money from me to pay her student loans that I don't think I'll ever get back.\n\nI hate making the relationship seem like it's about money, but I don't want to work my life away to support someone else that has no input. We've talked about this multiple times. Ive always expressed my concerns in a reasonable manner and given her time to try before bringing it up again. \n\nAm I wrong for feeling this way?", "answer": "You have a right to a mature SO", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6s5ps5", "comment_id": "dla72ld"}, {"question": "The big problem with BPD is 90% of your emotions are bullshit fantasy land stuff.", "description": "- legacy emotions from the distant past (comes up perhaps subconsciously)\n- living in imagination land (so so so often)\n- living in a fantasy script / life that only exist in your mind\n- living in the past\n- replaying the past\n- fighting with people in your head (i do this 27hrs a day 300 weeks a year)", "answer": "Yes sir! Now that you got that, you can start not trusting your emotions. And then you have a framework that works 90% of the time. Now you are no longer unstable or reactive. Hooray loopholes!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bomife", "comment_id": "enjm37v"}, {"question": "Irritablility and short temper.", "description": "Its day one and I'm already having the problem of a short fuse. I never explode but I'm constantly at my peak of stress. Any tips to help deal with stress?", "answer": "I feel you. Today is my day one and I feel SO angry. Sad and anxious as well, but I\u2019m legitimately surprised at how angry I am", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "emvwkw", "comment_id": "fdrs7i5"}, {"question": "Does anyone else with bipolar go through periods qhere they are constantly and easily aroused?", "description": "This is a completely serious question about something that's been taking a toll on me lately. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, but I'm not sure if this is related. I am a male. I'm 20, and for some reason my sex drive changes drastically with my moods. Sometimes im so turned on I can barely walk around because I feel so aroused and need sex, whereas sometimes I dont want it all. When I am constantly aroused, it's extremely distressing and uncomfortable for me. Something as simple as a car drive could turn me on. I dont get it, and im not sure if its related to bipolar or not. Has anyone had similar experiences? ", "answer": "This is a normal symptom associated with the manic or hypo (low) manic part of bipolar cycling.  Some people experience an expanded need for sex while others find other appetites switched on such as gambling or shopping.  ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "4wdo7s", "comment_id": "d66a8og"}, {"question": "How do I get doctors to take me seriously that I feel horrible?", "description": "Doctors say I \"look okay\" and so kind of brush me off\n\nWhat should I do?? Roll around on the floor crying??\n\n\n\nCopy/pasting these two posts as they contain all the required info\n\nI am 31, female 5'5\" 250 lbs african american Propranolol for migraines\n\nmedical problems: mild disc bulging, migranse\n\nhere are symptoms\n\ndizzy, confused, hard to mentally focus, irritable, and blurry vision when I don't eat for awhile. The time when I have to eat has gotten shorter and shorter.\nfatigue\n\nfrequent yeast infections on feet, under boobs, genitals\n\nGums bleeding (but I have always had bad teeth so that might be unrelated?)\n\nRandom but not constant foot and hand numbness, coldness (but that might be from Propranolol?)\n\nbruises take a long time to heal\n\nWaking in the night all sweaty and heart racing\n\nI have had seizures before while I slept but a cause for them was never found.\n\nheadaches (not migraines)\n\nI am overweight now but had these symtpoms when I was 130 lbs. I have gained 120 lbs in the past about 2 years, since getting on Propranolol and at around the same time stopping exercising because of back pain. I can't eat less, so exercising was the only thing keeping me from weight gain I guess.\nI have always had these things as long as I can remember but now these symptoms are getting worse/closer together/more frewquent... years ago I would go 12 hours without eating and then start to feel that way. Now I pretty much constantly feel horrible and I have to eat something every 30 minutes just so I can stay at a level where I don't feel like I'm going to pass out.\n\nI am worried no one is taking me seriously about just how horrible I feel. Made an apointment and the nurse/receptionist/whever acted like it was no big deal, said it just sounds like hypoglycemia (okay, that can be caused by diabetes, or not, so??) and made my appointment a month from now. And my husband thinks that's fine and just expects me to go about life normally until then. But I am worried that I shouldn't be driving, though I have never actually passed out.\nIsn't it important to get hypoglycemia and/or diabetes treated asap? Or will I be fine waiting a month and just have to deal with feeling this way, eating constantly and probably gaining a bunch more weight until then?\n\n\n____________\n\nI am op but my brain was so muddled when I wrote that, that I didn't save the password.\n\nYes this was with my PCP. I called back and asked what the point was in waiting a month and then spending $100 to get a random blood sugar reading. I can just go to walmart and get a $10 kit and tell them a random blood sugar reading if that is going to tell them anything. So then they said for me to come yesterday at 3pm after fasting for 12 hours and they would do more in depth blood and urine tests. But they would bill it as a well visit to save me money. (I think they misunderstood my point. At this point I don't care about money so much as getting better asap.)\n\nSo okay, I fasted for 12 hours, and I was of course dizzy, confused, flustered etc. as fuck! I figured they would get me in there and do the tests as soon as possible so I could eat something but nope, they didn't know anything about the fasting and just acted like it was a well visit. I couldn't think up all the symptoms (because of being dizzy, confused, flustered etc. as fuck) and I kept repeating to everyone that I had been fasting for 12 hours so can we please just get the tests done.\n\nFinally the doctor came in and asked how I was... I said not good and he said I looked fine (which is something doctors say to me a lot... I look fine - before they even examine me - or \"You look a lot better than you do on paper\" seeing me for the first time after reading my vitals and such - but I don't FEEL fine so why can't they just take me seriously when I say I don't FEEL fine??? Am I supposed to roll around on the floor, scream and cry etc.? Because if that is going to get me taken seriously, I can do that.)\n\nSo I repeated that I had been fasting since 3am so could we please just get the tests done and the doctor said that it wasn't good to fast for that long! That I should have fasted overnight and then come in the morning, and I'm like well, they told me to come at this time??? And 12 hours would have been 12 hours regardless? And in fact it is harder for me to fast at night because then I can't sleep. Whatever can we please just get it done... Then he starts drilling me about why do I think I have diabetes? Well I don't know if I do, I am just here trying to figure out what's wrong. Does it run in my family? I tried to explain that I know my mother needed to monitor her blood sugar but I don't know if she had diabetes or what. She died a year ago and we were not close enough that I could ask her what was wrong with her. But again, confused/flustered as fuck so I just gave up on explaining that.\n\nOkay he does the yearly exam stuff and then handed me two papers, one a summary of the visit and one to hand to the lab (across the building). I handed it to the lab receptionist, waited and then they called someone else's name... he had ordered the tests under the wrong name!\n\nAnd then of course it is my fault because I didn't look at the paper, well my vision is too blurry to read, my hand is too shaky to hold the paper still, but yeah it's my fault that the doctor ordered the tests under the wrong name. Well I had to go back to the doctor's side, and get it under the correct name, wait again, and finally they called me to sign some papers, and I'm like \"I can't read these right now, is it okay that I'm signing something I don't understand?\" \"Well we won't do the tests if you don't sign\" So okay I signed them, waited some more, finally got called in, had to get stabbed 3 times in different places before they could get some blood. Then gave them a urine sample, then finally got to eat something. So I'm sitting there waiting until the shakes subside enough that I can walk outside without falling. I looked at the visit summary and they didn't renew my propranolol. So I had to go back to the doctor's side of the building and get that renewed. Then later I got a call from my pharmacy... the doctor had ordered me 180 pills per refill instead of 60 and my insurance refused it. Also they said they would call me with the results today but now it's 24 hours later and they don't have the results yet.\n\nSo basically it was a clusterfuck and nothing got resolved, and I still feel like shit and am STILL not being taken seriously, but when everyone brushes off how I am feeling it is somehow my fault for not getting it taken care of sooner, so what the fuck am I supposed to do???", "answer": "You mention seizures while you slept - what do you mean by this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jn0e6", "comment_id": "dbior0k"}, {"question": "Hangover", "description": "So I had a bit too much to drink last night. Woke up at 4 am on the verge of throwing up (acid reflux). Pretty sure it was the alcohol bc I could taste it in my mouth. I feel better now but my stomach is still a wee bit sensitive. Idk why I keep thinking I\u2019m gonna throw up. I feel fine. I ate, drank some oj and coffee and my stomach didn\u2019t feel worse after that. Hell, I felt better. ://", "answer": "Hey! How are you doing now? I\u2019m sure your stomach was just a little peeved from the alcohol and will settle down quickly.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "en9h1m", "comment_id": "fdxkra0"}, {"question": "Need ideas to win a contest called Songs That are Hard to Strip to Contest", "description": "I entered a contest through a radio station in my town to win $1,000.  The contest is Songs that are Hard to Strip to.  I don't get to choose my song but I need some ideas that will help me win, part of the judging comes from the audience so I want to do something that will help set me apart. The contest is on my birthday so the only idea I had was to wear a nude leotard and make it look like I'm wearing my birthday suit. Any other ideas help.  The contest doesn't allow for nudity, I can only go down to bathing suit level if I wish. ", "answer": "4'33\" by John Cage. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5bnqe9", "comment_id": "d9qdqsk"}, {"question": "Reputable online listing of current ADHD medications for adults?", "description": "31F, rest of info is not relevant to my question. Asking here in case my post gets removed from the pharmacy subreddit. \n\nI am restarting ADHD meds after several years and I would like to see a publicly accessible list of ADHD medications available in the US. I need to research what's currently covered by my lovely (/s) insurance company before my next appointment with the NP so I know what options I have to choose from because what I'm on now sadly isn't working. \n\nDoes the FDA have this option? I tried googling a bit and WebMD (*shudders*) came up, along with Medscape, but I was asked to sign in with an account. Is Medscape a good resource? Are there other resources you can recommend?\n\nMany thanks, and have a great day! \n\n", "answer": "The problem is not what is approved for ADHD but what is in your particular insurance's formulary\u2014which medications they specifically have decided they will pay for without a doctor picking a fight with them. For that you probably want the insurance website, but even as a doctor I usually find it unhelpful, incomplete, and out of date. Good luck.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zotkh", "comment_id": "e2kcqii"}, {"question": "Heart break or Heart touture?", "description": "    3 years ago i asked the most wonderful girl to be my girlfreind, and for 2 years it was great. Or so i thought. Around March last year (2016) i broke up with her. My reasoning at the time, to her, was \"I think were too young to be thinking of a serious relationship\" (17/m and 16/f).\n\n   I was scared, she often spoke about our dream house and our dream this and that and it scared me. I thought of all the girls and fun times ill miss out on, relationships simply pinning me down. I also thought id stopped loving her, this 'feeling' had gone, you know that butterfly feeling.\n\n   But i stilled loved her, not that i knew this at that point, i still messaged her and met her and ect ect, nothing really changed except i was \"playing the feild\" and talking to other girls. Trying to find the things i was missing out on. Only by september/october id gotten bored of playing the feild, none of the girls compared to her, i never met any of these girls but i messaged them and flirted but i never really got anywhere nor did i really try to. \n\n   So i was happy, we were still messaging and meeting and sharing good times, but i still thought i didnt love her. We both grew as people which was great, i got more of my life together (prolog: I didnt even shower daily, i didnt care about my apperance i didit workout or even eat right, i was smoking alot of weed, skipping school, taking rittalin, doing all nighters on school days, not revising for my AS exams((which i failed and have to resit)) ) i was a fucking loser, she deserved wayyyyyyyyy better than me and im fully awear of the cunt i was. But i changed that, my grades are on track, my diet and fitness are on track, im smoking a significatlly less amout weed, im saving and managing money better and all round ive got my life together (ps i clean  now). \n\n    January rolls around and i start trying to face my demons, i faced depression since i was 13, but aroung 14 i blocked it out, stopped feeling. Because it was better to feel nothing than feel depressed. But somthing changed and i started to feel my depression again, but i also felt other emotions, i was happy sometimes, i cared about things and although most of the time i was still depressed i was glad i could feel again, because now id rarther deal with it head on than trying to push it to the side.\n\n    At the same time i realsied how much of a loser, cunt and lowlife i was,  and just how unbelivebly lucky i am to have such and amazing person by my side. \n\n     But this is where i need the advice...\n\n    I love her. And i know that now, i know i never stopped loving her i was just lost, confused whatever you want to say, i was not making good decison in life at that point. But shes over me, shes ready to move on with her life, she doesnt need me, we stopped intercourse (by her request) and thats what made me realise i was losing her. \n \n\n    She speaks of this other guy, hes a wonderful person and brilliant in every way.  Hes good to her, and she more comfortable with him as a freind than me, she swear shed never go out with him but she does want intercourse. Which in my eyes is a recipie for a relationship. \n\nI cant stand the thought of her with someone else, even in a non romatic way. I love her so much. But my own stupidity has brought me here. I know its not right that i ask for her back, you cant mess with someone like that. But i cant help how i feel and i love her so much.\n\n  So i came to the conclusion that i have 2 options. \n1)  I stick with her, meeting her and speaking to her and falling deeper in love with her before eventually getting hurt by her and someone else.\nor 2) i bite the bullet and leave her, never speakinf or seeing her again.\n\nafter plenty of thought i decied option 2 was the only way for me to be less hurt whilst letting her get on with life. But i cant, i physically cant stop messgainf her, i love her and want her in my life. And she wants me in hers but just not in the same way. \n\nIm torn reddit and have no fucking clue what to do... please help.\n\n- Thank you x", "answer": "you have a lot on your plate. would help to see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzmj8", "comment_id": "dcv5a7p"}, {"question": "After 7 years are these valid reasons to go or am I judgmental? I (32/f), bf (31/m)", "description": "Are these valid reasons for concern in a relationship or am I being too much of a judgmental and selfish person who should learn to be more accepting?:\n\nIf my boyfriend (31/m) of 7 years tells me he doesn't like to make concrete plans when I try to talk about the future (he mentioned the possibility of getting married at 10 years, but when I say we couldn't afford a wedding he says he figured his dad would pay, while I don't feel comfortable with that mindset), is okay working less than full time (his choice at the same place since before we began dating) to make just over minimum wage without any aspirations to reach for something better anytime soon, is just now telling me he will make an effort to come around my family more (who live close and I see all the time without him and this is despite trying to tell him how welcome he is and how much it would mean to me for years, but he's always had to see his mom, who is also nearby, because she spends holidays alone by choice too so he says he has to be with just her), when I've gone to therapy for us and asked if he would come one time says no and that he'd rather we just talk, doesn't like my cats, when I'd like to go out to a museum, park, etc... he'd rather if I asked him to take psychedelics together at home....\n\nI've been cool with the psychedelics part before but there's this world too I've tried to tell him we should explore together. I'm also going back to school to become an engineer so I can support myself and prepare for the possibility of having a family one day, but I worry I'm the only one worrying about a plan. \n\nHe's a smart guy who is loyal to his friends, enjoys reading, conversing, meditating, smoking pot, and we spend most of our time together watching movies and shows inside. I've expressed to him that I also thrive going out to see new places and I'd like to share those things with him but I always feel like he takes it that I'm trying to make him do something he doesn't want. \n\nIs it possible to manage a relationship like this and I need to get over myself or are these valid reasons to move on?", "answer": "you are giving up a LOT in this relationship, not to mention 7 years of your precious life which you will never ever get back. if you were my daughter i'd be begging and pleading with you to leave this selfish selfish man.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5omo5n", "comment_id": "dckh3sa"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a 29F and I was just diagnosed today with ADHD and my whole life suddenly makes sense!", "description": "I burst into tears on my call with my doctor. Happy tears! You would think with a diagnosis like this I would be upset but it just all finally makes so much sense, all the way back to the earliest I can remember. I feel so validated and I\u2019m so hopeful that with treatment I can find my own version of \u2018normal.\u2019 Whatever that means.\n\nI\u2019m sorry if this post doesn\u2019t belong but I just had to tell somebody. My parents don\u2019t really believe in taking medication for mental health, or really even talking about it at all which is likely one of the reasons it has taken so long for me to be diagnosed. \n\nMy partner is also somewhat skeptical about mental health issues, mostly because he has none lol. He tries to be supportive but I just really wanted to celebrate with people who understand.\n\nI\u2019ve been self medicating for years (started drinking when I was twelve. TWELVE!!! That\u2019s not normal!) \n\nI\u2019ve lost a job because of my ADHD but it disguised itself as anxiety leading me to go even longer without being diagnosed.\n\nI\u2019ve spent my whole life being called a \u2018space cadet\u2019 lazy, disorganized, a slob. I was reading another post on this sub that talked about the weird phenomenon of always feeling younger than your age and like you\u2019re not as equipped and capable, even though I am! \n\n\nI\u2019m NOT stupid! I\u2019m not crazy! I\u2019m not a mess of a person! It\u2019s so so wonderful to be diagnosed. I\u2019m really hoping this will help me also improve my anxiety and depression. \n\nJust knowing what it is is half the battle and I\u2019ve never felt more like I can do this crazy shit called life than I do today. \n\nSorry for the long post I\u2019m just so happy. \ud83d\ude00 \n\nIf anyone has any favourite suggestions of good resources I can use to learn more about my diagnosis I would really appreciate it!\n\nTl;dr I was diagnosed today with ADHD at 29 years of age and I could not be happier!", "answer": "This was my story a year ago :) congratulations. Go to therapy though. Meds help but so much will happen as a result of your medication that will need some support.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "hblz78", "comment_id": "fvaazbp"}, {"question": "Managed to abstain till 9.30 pm. Withdrawal symptoms.", "description": "Hello everybody on nosurf,\n\nYesterday I managed to abstain till late in the evening.\n\nI suddenly got more drive to do things I procrastinated on for ages. I studied for an hour or two and in addition to that memorized a long page. That's definitely progress for me and my brain.\n\nI also got withdrawal symptoms. I found myself crying all of a sudden. It happened a few times towards the evening. I felt like I was a child again. It was uncomfortable. But I knew I was going to be ok.\n\nI reanabled social media at 9.30 and surfed the internet till 2.20 am. That's almost 5 hours. Not happy about the time I surfed but altleast now I know which time I need to watch out. But I also feel I made some progress and that I might slowly succeed in reducing the 5 hours on that website down significantly.\n\nI can imagine I would be able to go so much farther in my own personal pursuits. This alone makes it worth it to continue with nosurf.", "answer": "Addiction generally develops as an attempt to find relief or escape from some intolerable pain. So it makes sense that your abstinence brought up a lot of discomfort and tears. It's really tough to bear without a numbing agent. But if you can work on healing that underlying pain, you will heal the addiction.", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "do9xsd", "comment_id": "f5lgq6b"}, {"question": "Finding a therapist seems impossible now", "description": "I am having the hardest time finding a therapist and I want to give up and just watch youtube videos of therapy and read self help books.\n\n​\n\nI just ended it with my 5th one this year because she made me feel like a dollar sign.\n\n​\n\nI went to her because she was willing to work with me for $75. She is a Psychologist.I am sure she is well educated. Her market rate is $180. She asked ME what price worked for me and it was set. Or so I thought. Now today during our session all she was focused on was a 'scholarship agreement\" where she would see me for 30 minute sessions instead of the agreed upon 45 minutes because her reasons are as follows:\n\n​\n\nfair practice dictates that she cannot offer me lower price than other clients\n\nif she agrees to $75 then the minutes will need to be lower\n\n​\n\nI just felt like a dollar sign and I told her that.\n\nI am trying so hard to improve and I have done a lot on my own. I cut out my vices..alcohol and cigs..I practice mindfulness..I do CBT workbooks etc but I cannot find a therapist I trust or who I think has my best interest at heart.\n\n​\n\nIt is so frustrating and now all I want to do is have a beer. \n\n​\n\nI understand therapy is expensive but she agreed to do $75 so why is she focusing so much on that now? \n\n​\n\nMy only other option is to ask my parents to pay for my therapy but I don't want to do that because they have a history of using money as power and guilt tripping me for shit and I don't want to risk that again.\n\nExample: they pay for my therapy and then make me feel guilty for not calling often enough or eventually decide they can't pay anymore and I will be stuck and unable to afford therapy and maybe a meltdown ensues. \n\nso I prefer to do it all on my own so I wont have to deal with the rug being pulled out from underneath me in the future.\n\nI also have a disorder that is highly stigmatized so not even mental health professionals want to deal with me and every time I go to a new therapist and have to re-explain myself and my life story it just gets exhausting.\n\n​\n\nI need advice.\n\nShould I see if my parents will pay it so I can find someone who is decent and money won't be an issue? They said they want to support me any way they can..but again..past experience dictates that they will blackmail me eventually if I don't do what they want me to do.\n\nShould I just try to get better on my own? It feels impossible.\n\nShould I keep shopping around and hope to find someone who will work with me for my price and not waste a whole session discussing it and who will see me for longer than 30 mins? I need more than 30 mins a week. It just doesn't feel like enough.", "answer": "Oh gosh. I don't have time to say everything I want to say right now. But this therapist is behaving poorly in a number of ways. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "acxzo4", "comment_id": "edbrwcf"}, {"question": "Dating a guy 10 years older? F20 M30", "description": "So I'm a 20 year old female, getting to know a 30 year old man romantically. (1) is this age gap acceptable (2) what difficulties/obstacles should I be aware of later down the line when it comes to connecting on an emotional, intellectual, social level? \n**TL;DR;** : what should I be aware of when pursuing a fling/relationship with an older man as a 20yold?", "answer": "the concern is more from your end. namely someone age 20 is likely to be in a different place emotionally over the next several years than a 30 year old. 20 to 30 is the most huge emotional growth spurt of our adulthoods.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39pq", "comment_id": "dmkcdsd"}, {"question": "Do you struggle to wake up?", "description": "Sorry for formatting - I am on my phone.\n\nI find it extremely difficult to wake up. I only manage to get up on time when I have super important things to get up for; not everyday things like work.\n\nI work 9-5, but they are fairly flexible in that if you arrive a bit late (half an hour ish) but work late to do your full 8 hours, then they don't mind.\nAnyway I quite easily laze in bed until about 9 or even later. Just not wanting to get up, go through all the hassle of getting ready for work and making the 15 minute cycle. I often feel \"half dead\" when trying to get up. I don't know how to explain but it's almost physically painful to get out of bed.\nUntil it finally dawns on me quite how late I am going to be and I get up and rush around. More and more I am regularly arriving at work at  like 10 o'clock. I get the occasional day where I seem to be able to wake up for some reason and get ready on time - but they are the exceptions.\n\nIt's getting worse and I am worried I am going to get into trouble again. I was put on a time sheet 2 years ago for being regularly late. I managed to get myself on track for a good while. It may sound silly but the main reason for it was to spend time in the mornings at work with a guy I liked (who always gets to work early).\n\nDo you guys sleep late with ADHD? Or (like my doctor said at my assessment) \"if you had ADHD you would struggle to sleep at all, so you wouldn't be able to lay in bed all morning\"\n\nI'm confused. I think ADHD is part of the reason I don't rush to get ready until I freak out at how late I am. I also think that because I don't get to sleep until late that I am more likely to oversleep.\n\nTLDR; Does ADHD make you sleep in late past your alarms?\nDoes ADHD mean you wake up too early because you can't sleep? ", "answer": "Yep, it's totally an ADHD thing. I vastly struggle with sleep issues--it's not uncommon for me to feel more energized at night and physically exhausted in the morning. \n\nIIRC it's called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. In the US it's classified as a Circadian rhythm disorder that's highly correlated with ADHD. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "40eiqz", "comment_id": "cytpuwo"}, {"question": "I have a feeling I know what you'll all say...", "description": "Sorry if this is long. Here's the shortened version... my husband (31M) and I (31F) have been married almost 10 years. He works out of state and I live in another state with our kids. For the last 4 years (on and off), I've caught him talking to girls behind my back, some sexual in nature and some not, but I've never caught him in a physical relationship. The first couple of times I felt like something was going on and went through the phone bill to find that he had been talking to someone a lot. Like all day and sometimes at night. I went through his phone to see it was a girl from work, but all the messages were deleted. Second time, same story, except a girl who worked at a bar located where he was living at the time. No proof besides the phone bill. They'd talk at all hours of the day/night. Call each other at like 7 am, he said they were just friends. I confronted the girl and she also said the same. Then there was a time he was having very inappropriate conversations with a girl I knew. Apparently this went on for months, while he was home and while he wasn't. She felt guilty after about 6 months and sent me some screen shots. Said they just talked about doing things, but never actually met up. The next time I went through his phone and found texts between him and some girl from where he is now. He was driving 2 hours to see her, it was obvious he planned on having sex with her, but of course he says he didn't. Most recently, he started sending inappropriate things to one of my friends and she told me. He basically told her he had talked to multiple girls and sent my friend pictures that the girls had sent him. I do realize that these are only the instances that I KNOW about. I'm sure there are more. But after I confronted him this last time he says he realizes that he has a problem and it's not about me at all. Says that I am a perfect wife, but he just can't seem to stop seeking attention from other women. He says he wants to seek counseling and seems very remorseful, as he has in the past, but I just don't think I can believe that he will change. To me, I don't care if he says it was physical or not, he's cheated multiple times.\n\nWe have 3 kids and I stay home with them. I'm here taking care of the kids, the house, our business, basically everything. He is going out at night and doing who knows what, playing video games, and basically living the life of a bachelor. His only real responsibility there is to go to work, other than that he can do whatever. I also feel like I should add that I've never even considered cheating on him. I thought we had one of those relationships that made other people gag. I loved him so much. More than I ever thought possible. I thought he was perfect. \n\nI'm not sure why I've stayed this long. I think I just keep hoping he will change, even though my heart knows he won't. I don't really want our kids to go through this. Also, the financial situation is stressful for me since I don't have any income. It's hard to just toss away 10 years and the connection/relationship we had. He's been my person for so long, he's who I call when I'm happy or when I'm mad. \n\nCan people change? Or will I just be in this same situation at some point in the future? Could I ever trust him again? \n\nThanks for your advice. I just needed to talk about it but I'm not ready to go to my family/friends yet. \n\ntl;dr- husband cheated multiple times, says he will change, I don't think I can believe him. ", "answer": "odds are small he'd change, but marriage counseling would help you reach a final decision", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pblh8", "comment_id": "dcpxc9m"}, {"question": "Is it ethical for a therapist to refuse my call during a paid for session?", "description": "Hi all, \n\nI have therapy twice weekly, and the particular session in question was early Monday morning.  The sessions have been useful in producing feelings other than frustration at the lack of efficacy I have found in other treatments. The therapist and I have a good relationship. \n\nLate Sunday evening, I was experiencing severe suicidal ideation, but held on until the next morning to discuss it. A reliable indicator that I am doing badly is sleeping through my alarm, which I did. I woke up an hour and a quarter before the session, but as the place we meet is in a location difficult to reach by public transport, I calculated that I would barely have 10 minutes of the session left if I set off then. I texted them to keep them abreast of the situation, and that I would call instead. It was an exceptional situation, but this seemed like the next best thing. \n\nHowever, they replied saying that conducting sessions in the same place was important, and that they would not take a call. To be honest, this made me furious, not only because the fee is expensive, but especially as I was in severe distress, and they refused to discuss anything, or offer any kind of advice. I understand that consistency is very much preferable, but I can't help seeing it as them failing me when I was in dire need, and that I have a legitimate grievance here. \n\nWhat is your take on this?", "answer": "A few things here, but first no, there was nothing unethical of what your therapist did. I know that's not the answer you're looking for but phone therapy is not an obligation or even recommended. I'm sure you're thinking \"that's my normal scheduled session so that time is mine, I know my therapist isn't doing anything\" but that's really not how it works and is also not fair. Talking on the phone is in no way or form an adaquate replacement for a therapy session. \n\nIn regards to the other comment, the likelihood of the fee being more than the session is highly unlikely, and would not be a typical motivator. In fact there are more ethical issues with wanting to discuss your suicidal ideation on the phone, which is probably the primary reason why your therapist avoided discussing this on the phone in the first place. This doesn't even include all the things that are missed over the phone: body language, facial expressions, and overall physical cues that therapists (are supposed to) notice and analyze. \n\nGiven your suicidal ideation with the unknown fact if your state is a mandatory reporting state, I'm going to assume it is. Say you were feeling a significant level of suicidal ideation and had a plan, access and overall high level of intent. Once you admit that to your therapist, the laws protecting confidentiality go out the window and you could be emergency petitioned into a hospital to protect yourself or have an emergency psychiatric evaluation. Now if this occurs in person this is a fairly simple thing to do. Cops are called, you two wait and then you're escorted to the hospital and the hospital takes over from there. But now let's say you're on the phone with your therapist. He/she has no ability to know where you are, and is also now ethically responsible for your well being and safety. If you're halfway across the state, or somewhere inaccessible, that makes it significantly more difficult to handle the situation to a degree that would be considered appropriate by our boards standards.\n\nIf it was a truly exceptional situation and you needed to see your therapist, the best thing to do is to try to schedule a make up session and verbalize the importance. Either later in the day or the next day. If it was so urgent that you needed to talk to your therapist asap, that would also indicate that a crisis line or a 911 call would also be sufficient. I'm unsure if your therapist indicated these other options to you, but it's good for you to know your other available options.\n\nIf you do continue therapy with this therapist I would bring up this issue in the next session. If you don't trust your therapist fully, that damages the therapy process as you won't feel the necessary transparency and desire for honesty to help your overall presenting concerns.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb11wa", "comment_id": "ekfzksd"}, {"question": "Does PTSD have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "I don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and I haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have PTSD without a specific triggering event?\n\n**Background**: I have a psychiatrist I trust, and I have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. Any replies I get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. I earned my Master's in psychology in 2000, so I can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. It may be worth noting that I also carry an Asperger's diagnosis.\n\n**All categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** I have never been abused. My parents were great. I've never been threatened with violence. My father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years. \n\nSo many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though I've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\" \n\n**It is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. I was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the WTC. I had to accompany a 10yo girl to the ER for a rape kit when she was first admitted. Those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.\n\n**But it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. I'd just given birth to our son when Hurricane Katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"Tonight's the Night the World Begins Again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...I burst into tears at a Goo Goo Dolls concert  last year when they started playing it. A former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's CD in the car yesterday, I had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that I had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that I probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.\n\nCould it be PTSD even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **I feel like it's existential trauma, but I don't think that's a thing.** I just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since I've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "Anxiety NOS is the diagnosis used when people have PTSD sxs but no history of PTSD qualifying trauma", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "cigz909"}, {"question": "Should I tell my coworker/friend he is being laid off in 4 months?", "description": "Using a throwaway to protect myself. If this is leaked, I am 100% fired. Some background:\n\nI've been working at my current position for over a year. I have access to lists of people who are being removed. I found out today that there will be layoffs happening in 4 months, and 1 of the people selected is a friend of mine. He has his current position thanks to me, and has been working in that role for nearly 4 years. The typical policy for my work is to inform a month prior. \n\nMy question is should I risk my career in informing this person? I feel like giving him a heads up about the situation, and giving him time to seek other employment is the correct thing to do. \n\nIf I do tell him, how should I approach the subject?", "answer": "If you want to fully protect yourself but also feel a moral obligation to let him know, is there a way you could notify him or leak the info to him anonymously without it getting back to you? If it were me, I would find a way to tell him one way or another. If you can trust him to have your back like you have his, I'd just tell him directly.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hf8dbj", "comment_id": "fvwgblr"}, {"question": "(23/m) my girlfriend (20/f) moral dilemma regarding appropriate life choices", "description": "im 23 yrs old and live in southern california. my gf is 20 and she lives here too but is currently studying abroad in central america. she goes to college too but also not in the city we both live so shes usually gone for 4 months at a time twice a year. ive started going to college myself and since have gotten 10 times busier with work and school combined. shes a full time student as well and is going to start her last year after returning from her trip. usually she would stay for the summer then return to school in the fall leaving us about 4 months to spend together before she left again and everytime she has to leave it gets that much harder. she told me recently that she got a job offer from one of her old professors and if she takes the job she would come back for only one month before starting school again and this new job is going to be in the same city she goes to school in. which means if she accepted we will only have seen each other for a little less than 2 months out of the whole year of 2017. we both love each other very much and we've been faithful to each other from the best of my knowlege. lately ive been considering the huge possibility that i impose a detriment on her life if she ever had to pick between me and her future.this new job shes been trying to get for some time and it would definitely sky rocket her real world experience and serve as an extremely important qualification for future jobs in her field. she tells me that being out of her hometown for so long has motivated her to keep the ball rolling and keep jumping into new experiences and basically wants to live life to its fullest rather than take it slow, semester by semester. she talks about not wanting to live in our hometown anymore and wants to get the most out of her life while she still can. i feel like the distance is hitting me harder. sometimes i feel like i should break it off so she wont have to consider coming back as much. ive told her countless times that she has every right to put her career and her future ahead of everything. she's agreed and says thats what she plans on doing. i have no doubt that she loves me as much as i love her but lately im feeling like if i werent in her life then she'd have an easier time pursuing everything she wants to.  in the future ill be in the same situation where my job or school might take me to new places and we'd have to split up yet again. my question is should i keep waiting, continue to support her decisions and keep letting her go hoping she'll come back. or should i break it off and try to make the emotional strain easier on us both. i want to do everything i can to hold on to what we have and id put her happiness before mine any day. i know im miserable not being able to come home to her everyday, and im sure shes dealing with it in her way as well. i dont wanna be a burden to her progress but then again i don't wanna break up with her and have that tear her up emotionally and risk us not being able to be friends either. her future has always been brighter than mine and and i need to do everything i can to help her. i do however, have my life to consider. what should i do? wait or make the hardest decision ive had to make in my life and leave her?             ", "answer": "we all have to make the choices we need to make. you make yours and she'll make hers.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zp7pe", "comment_id": "df0a4qy"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do", "description": "I have been single for a while now and I want to start a serious relationship and so far the search has gone well..,I have sorted through the Fuck boys and the genuine guys...I have been getting to know three different guys and I have gotten feelings for all three of them...I don't know what u should do...they all want to take me on a date and all are sweet and funny...one of them  just seems like he might be trying to be sweet to get to me so he can have sex with me but if I deny him any kind of attention he goes and cozys up to some other girl.... I don't know what he is doing and I don't know about the other two ", "answer": "just keep dating, and one of them will rise to the top", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mteye", "comment_id": "dc6718b"}, {"question": "My boyfriend left me alone after my friend died to \"teach me a lesson\"", "description": "A  couple days ago, a dear friend of mine died. Yesterday I was  completely  devasted, of course I told my (27F) boyfriend (25M) of one year and  asked him if he wanted to  come over because I needed some company and a  shoulder to cry on.\n\nHe told me he wanted to hang out with his friend instead. Then proceeded to turn his phone off for 3-4 hours.  \nWhen in the evening I confronted him about it, he said \"of course I knew you needed me, but you did not *told me clearly*.  I hung out with my friends to teach you a lesson, next time you'll say  you need me straight away\". He also added \"of course I'm not in pain for  your friend, I did not know him, so why should I not hang out with my  friends for grieving a person I did not even know\".\n\nI'm   speechless and completely devasted about all this. Now he pretends to   act like none of that happened and, even though he said he was sorry (I  cried on the phone) he does not seem to understand what he did wrong.  \nHe  offered to come over  but right now I do not want to see him or even  talk to him. I do not  know what to do. His lack of empathy shatters me.  \n\nI don't think I want a  person like that with me.\n\n**tl;dr:** after my friend died, my bf left me alone to \"teach me a lesson\". I'm devastated and seriously considering to break up.", "answer": "Do it. Leave. His behavior/taunting is inappropriate and unacceptable and inhumane. Save yourself and leave him now. You are worth more than being treated like that. He has shown you very blatantly who he really is\n\n\nI\u2019m sorry for your loss.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "eq7mmn", "comment_id": "feopuvz"}, {"question": "How does one simply get professional mental help", "description": "Hello. I'm a normal guy with a pretty good life. I didn't start realizing I had barriers caused by situations I had been put in and didn't know any better on how to react towards. It got so bad that I started masking it with the sense of cockyness inward my own mind telling myself I didn't need to deal with any bullshit. I ghosted a close friend who had her own issues because of this mentality. I started splurging in ways that didn't leave me feeling whole at all. I started building a persona I could get high from almost, whenever I wanted. It just hit me so hard this evening, how much I've been creating a prison for my own mind. Tonight I've finally decided enough is enough. I want to see a therapist.\n\nWhere do I even begin seriously looking, and how do I figure out where a good place is to go for psychotherapy in the form of just talking for now? Is there a way to find out or are there things to know that would help me decide if a licensed professional would be the best choice from my available options?\n\nI could just use some guidance and don't know how to approach anyone over this anymore", "answer": "Couple of options:\n\nAsk your primary doctor for recommendations.\n\n[Psychologytoday.com](https://Psychologytoday.com) has a listing of professionals in your area\n\n[Therapyden.com](https://Therapyden.com) is search engine type of site that can help you narrow down specifics if youd like a second search.\n\nRemember to find one that accepts your insurance, if you have any. If cost is a big issue look for therapists that offer \"sliding-scale\" pricing.\n\nSide note: \"Therapist\" can refer to a number of different professionals. For talk therapy you typically want a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) or Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) - the titles can vary based on state, just make sure they have a professional license of some sort - or a clinical psychologist. These folks will have Master's degrees or above and are trained in offering various types of therapy. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor and can prescribe medicine - they can offer therapy too but typically you don't need to go to one unless you've been referred to one by a doctor or therapist.\n\nGood on you for taking this step! Wherever your mental health is at, therapy can always help. It's like a personal coach for your brain.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "erod8g", "comment_id": "ff54h91"}, {"question": "How admit to family about therapy?", "description": "Hello! I'd like some advice or support. Some background info: I'm 24 with a lot of anxiety and I seek validation in others. I'm a people pleaser who hates conflict. I don't have much confidence. My parents (in their mid 60s) are pretty much helicopter parents who want to talk each day. I personally think they shun mental health. To my knowledge, both were offered antidepressants from their doctors and refused them. \n\nI really want to and need to see a psychologist or therapist or whatever. My driving anxiety/phobia is terrible. I get sick I'm so nervous. I don't like leaving the apartment without my husband or an \"adult\" aka friends or family. I can't just take our baby for a walk, etc. And I have social anxiety. I have nightmares about people yelling at me. Nightmares about getting fired. I'm scared if dealing with people older than me (due to trusted people being horrible to me). I can't ask people for references because I'm scared they will say no or reprimand me. \n\nTwo things are stopping me...money...and fear of telling my parents. I don't think they would at all be understanding about why I need therapy. I once told my mom that I have nightmares about my dad yelling at me. She thought that was funny. I think I will end up on pills and can't keep that from them because we vacation together a lot. Luck would have it that they would call during my appointments and ask why I didn't answer. I hate lying, and I suck at it. If they didn't have any hand in it, maybe I could tell them. But I think that they are partly the reason I am the way I am...though I do believe they tried their best. Half year ago or so my dad read something I wrote on Facebook on a random video. I said I couldn't stand the way I was raised. They were so hurt and angry and had no I idea I felt that way....that they didn't allow me to be myself, etc(I also think it really made them question themselves. My brother also ended up being an alcoholic addicted to pain pills that ended up in prison/rehab). I feel that if I admit I go to therapy, it would open that can of worms again. \n\nIf I would start therapy and/or pills, what would I tell them? Knowing my mom, she wouldn't accept a general answer. \n\nAny comments or advice or support would be appreciated. ", "answer": "First off.  If you're an adult, you don't have to tell them or anyone that you're going to therapy or getting meds if you don't want to.  On top of that, unless you give written permission, a doctor or therapist wouldn't be able to say they even knew who you are if they called.  It sounds like a huge part of why you would be going to therapy in the first place is your relationship with them.  I'd recommend starting therapy out, testing the waters for a few weeks then revisiting the issue of telling them, this time with your therapist.  \n\nA question I'd ask you is \"What does your mother not accepting a general answer mean?\"  Is she going stab you with a sharp object?  Is she going to stop talking to you forever?  Be careful not to catastrophize something that hasn't happened.  \n\nTherapy can be expensive if you don't have insurance or if you have a high deductible, but there are ways to still get your butt in the chair for a reasonable cost, just a tad bit harder to find.  \n\nIf you're in the U.S. I can forward you a general guide of how to find a therapist and some of the good basic information on how to get started.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6stppb", "comment_id": "dlfhzvc"}, {"question": "Am I being unreasonable?", "description": "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is a bit older. We live about half an hour away from each other by car. I get to see him every weekend but I miss him so much in the week. We also skype maybe once a week. Is it too much to ask for us to have a quick phone call every other night? He's fine playing Xbox with his friends every night but can't even pick up the phone and talk to me for a bit. Am I just being unreasonable?", "answer": "it's not about reasonable or unreasonable. it's about what you need in a relationship. you have a right to what you need.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63vwir", "comment_id": "dfxeil5"}, {"question": "My 73yo grandpa is having a really tough time - currently hospitalized", "description": "As a preamble, right now I'm quite far from the city where my grandfather is hospitalized, so I haven't had the chance to talk to his doctors. I'm getting the information through my grandma and an aunt, but I sense that there are some missing pieces and they simply cannot grasp what the doctors have been telling them in the last hours. \n\nMy grandpa underwent a triple bypass surgery on Sep. 7. The surgery itself was quite risky due to other health complications (diabetes, lung issues). According to the surgeon, it was a successful 7-hour procedure. He was discharged on Sep. 16 to resume his recovery at home. \n\nBut 24 hours ago he had a sudden bout of fever. This happened after a couple of days of constipation, difficulty to urinate, abdominal bloating and loss of appetite. He was rushed to the hospital, they have done some tests already but there is no official diagnosis yet.\n\nAccording to my aunt, they suspect a post-surgery UTI. Which is a scary thing, given his fragile health condition and strenuous recovery process. But there is this one thing that makes the scenario even worse: he didn't recognize my grandma today. He thought she was a nurse/his mother, which indicates some sort of delirium/confusion. I went to Dr Google and I find stuff like urosepsis and pyelonephritis, whose prognosis appears to be far from good considering his condition.\n\nCan someone please give me some idea of what to expect? I don't want a diagnosis, of course, just some knowledgeable insight, considering that I can only travel to the hospital and to talk to the doctors Saturday. Thank you.", "answer": "There's no way any of us can give much insight without having a diagnosis.\n\nIf this is a UTI, though, it's certainly not good for a 73 year old with chronic health problems to get an infection after a major surgery. But I wouldn't panic about delirium either. There is an inexplicable link between bladder and brain, and UTIs are classic causes of delirium, which can look like a total loss of touch with reality. When the infection clears, so does the delirium, usually. The sicker he is, the more likely he is to be delirious, but it doesn't have to be urosepsis. After the hit to his overall reserves from surgery, it could be a relatively minor and routine UTI that makes him seem totally impaired, and a standard course of antibiotics can fix it.\n\nThat's the best case scenario, but it's one I've seen often enough that I think it's reasonable to hold onto hope, without any more information, that he got an infection from the Foley catheter during the surgery/hospitalization and that he'll recover. It might take a lot out of him\u2014triple bypass surgery does that, let alone infections on top of it!\u2014but he could also have a full recovery. Time and more examination and tests will tell.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9hc273", "comment_id": "e6asjmv"}, {"question": "Depression, but I know the cause?", "description": "I\u2019ve recently started seeing a therapist. While the sessions have been OK, I think I may need more help. I\u2019m crying myself to sleep every weeknight. I\u2019ve lost the motivation to do one of the few things I love (cooking), choosing instead to just lie in bed (often crying some more). I\u2019ve felt empty and drained for so long. \n\nI guess my question is, is it reasonable to give medication a try if I know the primary driver of my sadness? While I do have some family/relationship/personality issues that I am trying to work on, it is my job that is causing the bulk of my pain. It is 8+ hours of dread, fear, and frustration, and it is near impossible for me to not let it poison the remainder of each day. I am trying to get into a better situation, but even that is made more difficult when I feel so beaten down and hopeless every evening. \n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "This is really a question to ask a psychiatrist and not a therapist.  As a therapist though I'd say it's definitely worth talking to a psychiatrist though and seeing what they think.  Ideally in therapy you should be working towards either finding a way out of that job or finding some way to cope so that it's not so stressful, but in the meantime, I imagine you'd like to stay stable enough to hold down the job until something better comes along for survival sake?  If so, if medication is what helps you maintain so you don't have a breakdown, I don't see anything wrong with that.  \n\n\nIt's always much easier to get a job while you have one than to get one when you're unemployed, especially if you end up unemployed for a while.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebxf6r", "comment_id": "fb82vt9"}, {"question": "My [28M] girlfriend's [27f] mom [?F] guilt trips her kids in an attempt to get her way", "description": "So, I may be a bit out of place in all of this and I need help determining what I am supposed to do. Weve been together for 6 months now and while I have met her family, she hasnt met mine yet. We were set to go on the weekend of Mother's Day. I understand that was probably a terrible day to do it, but it was going to be one of the few times I would be going back home until the holidays and they both wanted to meet.\n\nWhen my girlfriend's mom heard about this she began guilt tripping my girlfriend by continuously saying 'Everyone in my office thinks you should be home for Mother's Day'. Its fine to say this once, maybe twice, but to say it approximately 10 times is a bit much. I would even consider that manipulative and abusive.\n\nMy girlfriend came to me this morning again saying how she was sad and just needed a hug from me right now because her mom guilt tripped her again. This weekend we were supposed to stay at her parent's house because we are going to be in town for a festival. I dont care to be in a house where behavior like that occurs, so I suggested getting a room somewhere to stay so she (am presumably I) wouldnt have to take any more crap.\n\nShe comes back and says that wont be necessary because her mom wont say anything to me only to her and how she thinks she should be more reserved in telling me these things because she is worried I will think her mom is a terrible person. She also says it doesnt directly affect me because she didnt tell me anything. Which is a complete load of crap.\n\nThe other thing I see is that this will hugely affect our future. Anytime something happens and her mom doesnt like it she is going to be on the receiving end of abuse. This has the potential to affect a wide array of plans. How can I turn a blind eye to this?\n\nIronically enough my mom had plans that weekend to go out of town with friends of her, so we wont be going to my mom's house (she forgot she had plans that weekend) and she is going home for Mother's Day\n\nFor a relationship so new, there is a lot of stuff going on. I dont know what to do, please help.\n\nTL;DR: Girlfriend's mom is guilt tripping her for us going to see my mom on Mother's Day to meet her. I dont know what to do", "answer": "If your girlfriend treats you the way you like to be treated, you'll have the opportunity to be happy, whether or not her relationship with her mom is a shitshow.  If she doesn't treat you the way you like, you wouldn't be happy if she never spoke to her mom again. \n\nButt out and stay in your own lane. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "683jw3", "comment_id": "dgvds7m"}, {"question": "When my boyfriend [28m] and I [26F] argue, he tends to get super angry and say really awful things. We have been together for almost 3 years.", "description": "We have a good relationship and are pretty happy despite this...but he feels like I push, nag and that he can never make decisions on his own.. which is usually because I have to plan stuff. \n\nTonight he said something that made me really uncomfortable because he said I was pushing him. He said \" I can't take it or I'll fucking kill you one day. You want that?\" \n\nThis comment stemmed from me saying he doesn't really save his money as he constantly eats out everyday or spends money on things he doesn't need. \n\nI counsel women who experience abuse and I don't know if I'm reading into this too much or it's just a simple fight.  I'm awful at advising myself. I just want to know what someone would do. ", "answer": "Someone walks into your office for counseling saying: my boyfriend is often verbally cruel when he's angry. But yesterday he said he might kill me one day if I don't 'learn to lay off.'  This morning he told me I was blowing things out of proportion, and that he only said that jokingly because I was criticizing him.  It didn't feel like a joke. \n\nWhat would you recommend?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69jbsk", "comment_id": "dh729ve"}, {"question": "Request for new Psychiatrists: Please call your patients back. (personal anecdote highlighting issue)", "description": "Good day! Although for me it is not a good day. I suffer from Major Depression with psychotic features and today is not a good one.\n\nMy request is for new psychiatrists to understand how difficult it is (in the US) to find a psychiatrist, first, who takes new patients, hasn't switched to children only, that takes my particular insurance, and WILL CALL YOU BACK. This combination is almost never possible.\n\nI have an anecdote to illustrate. In August last year, I almost committed suicide. My doctor and I had been gradually lowering my anti psychotic dosage, and I didn't realize that I was obsessing again over a certain thing. When the day came when I was finally told that thing would never happen, I was devastated. My whole world crumbled and I wrote notes, figured out who would find my body, made preparations and was about to do it.\n\nOut of the blue a friend messaged me online. My thought at the time was, I'll never talk to her again, why not play a game with her online for the last time. Well, thankfully this distracted me long enough for me to fall asleep without doing it.\n\nSo the next week (it was Friday night), I attempted to contact my psychiatrist. This was a big provider in the area, (Let's call them Big O). First they suggest logging into the online portal and sending a message directly to my doctor. This didn't work because my doctor wasn't configured on the portal.\n\nSo my first call to Big O was to get the doctor set up so I can message him. I was told that he couldn't get on there because he was mental health. (This wasn't true, because my previous mental health doctor was on there. They change doctors every year (student doctors, i think they are called interns).\nSo I asked how do I send a message?\n\nThe operator said, \"I'll take the message and give it to the doctor.\" No call back. Two days later I tried again to message the doc through the operator. No call back. Ok, how about move my next appointment sooner? Sorry, no available times.\n\nSo I took it upon myself to up my dosage to what is was before we started lowering it. The good news is that my work actually cares about it's people and understands taking a few days off for mental health crisis. So I did while I stabilized. Still no call back.\n\nAfter about a week I was feeling ok enough to go back to work and just wait for my next appointment. When it came, I told the doctor the story. He said he never got any messages, and that I did the right thing by upping the dosage. (Why should I have to self prescribe?)\n\nSo I looked for another doctor. I found one, and the first appointment, I told her the story. She said she would be more available to me. Also that someone would call me for my next appointment. They didn't. So far I have left 3 messages on two different lines for my doctor or her nurse, over the course of 3 weeks and nothing.\n\nI understand you are busy as doctors, but you have no idea what it's like as a mental health patient to get care. Please call us back, or even have one of your staff call. What is so hard about that?\n\nThank you for listening.", "answer": "I'm sorry you've experienced but sadly I'm not surprised.  For as long a I've been working in the mental health field almost every psychiatrist I've worked with has been intensely overworked.  For the last 2 agencies I've worked with psychiatrists rarely if ever make telephone calls back to clients.  Usually the receptionist will or it's left to the therapist.  The best piece of advice I can give is to get a therapist that you are seeing weekly.  Although we're often overworked too, in my experience, most therapists are much better at calling back and/or getting you connected with your psychiatrist when needed.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xsvlq", "comment_id": "duc5gyz"}, {"question": "Why does my girlfriend ignore me on facebook?", "description": "Me M/22, my gf/24. Been together 3 years. Broke up for 6 months last year.\n\nWe're friends on facebook, no relationship status, which is fine and dandy but everytime I post something on her wall, she pretty much ignores it. She doesn't acknowledge it whatsoever. However when other people do, she does. She made friends while we were apart, as did I, so there are new people in her life, but one dude in particular is always posting things on her wall and she's always liking them or commenting them. Me on the other hand, she pretty much ignores/does not acknowledge publicly.\n\nI'm starting to think a few things, like a) she does not want people knowing she's in a relationship, b) she bad mouthed me while we were apart and is embarrassed, or c) she's cheating on me.\n\nEither way, all of these come down to the fact it seems she doesn't want to publicly acknowledge me!\n\nAm I being ridiculous? It's starting to bug me, obviously.", "answer": "Don't worry about how she treats you on Facebook. How she treats you IRL is what matters. \n\nIf it bugs you so much, though, you could simply ask her if she means to ignore your posts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ko77z", "comment_id": "c2ltn3v"}, {"question": "Not in my body? [Not sure if serious]", "description": "I have been having out of body experiences when ever I give presentations or have to talk about a subject for an extended period of time with one or a few people. \n\nSo today I had to give a presentation in my English class and about 4-5 minutes into me talking, I became hyper-aware of my surroundings, my voice, and who was and wasn't listening. I became super-aware of how I was pronouncing my words and as I was talking, it felt like my mind split in two.\n\nI had 2 voices. I was thinking about how the presentation was going and how I looked while I was on autopilot talking about my subject. It was very strange and concerned me, as I almost felt like I was an observer to my body performing an action. \n\nI'm not sure if this is a normal anxiety-related thing, but its very scary to feel like I didn't have control over what words and actions my body made. \n", "answer": "Sounds like depersonalization.  http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2linxe", "comment_id": "clvht7y"}, {"question": "Physician acted inappropriate and made me uncomfortable", "description": "This happened in Illinois. I have suffered from migraines and was referred to a neurologist. I am a 26 year old female, and doctor was fairly young (maybe low to mid 30s). During the visit, it felt like he was coming on very strong to me. He kept complimenting my looks, telling me how amazing I am, how good my body looks, etc. I am a stay at home mom right now with a toddler. The whole visit was extremely flirtatious and made me uncomfortable. I never once said anything like \"thank you\" because of how weird and uncomfortable it was. When I would change the subject or ignore the complement, he would almost act as if he had been rejected.\n\n​\n\n\nThe worst part was when he asked me if I would be interested in a more 'natural' treatment approach to migraines. He said that orgasms can help reduce migraines, and kept following up asking me about how often my husband and I have sex, telling me I could 'take care of myself' since I stay home, etc. He even said \"..I know some women aren't able to have orgasms, are you able to?\"\n\n​\n\n\n\nObviously I won't be going back to see him again, but I am curious if he technically did something wrong in this situation. He never touched me, or anything physical. I just feel like this type of behavior shouldn't be allowed, but when it is just his word vs. mine, there isn't much I can do now. I did some light research of my own after the visit, and it doesn't seem like orgasms are really a medically recognized treatment, so I feel that he might have overstepped by recommending that option? The situation seemed inappropriate to me based on the power dynamics of a patient - physician relationship, but I don't know if he technically did something wrong here.\n\n​\n\n\nI checked with the state board and his license is active. Couldn't find anything online that would indicate he has a record, or something like this has happened before. Do I just let it go? Obviously all the upstanding docs here on r/AskDocs wouldn't condone this type of behavior... but is this a gray area? \n\n\nRequired Info:\n\n\\- 26 years old\n\n\\-female\n\n\\- 5'-4\"\n\n\\- 115lbs\n\n\\- Caucasian \n\n", "answer": "Serious question, how would this proceed in the medical board? As OP said, it's her word against his.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ys3zi", "comment_id": "ea4i874"}, {"question": "Am I a complete berk? [32/m] in battle with [33/f] New(ish) Dad seeking advice. Please help me", "description": "Right so first off, throwaway account.\n\nIm 32, my GF is 33, we've just celebrated the first birthday of our first child - who is the centre of my world.\n\nTo give you a picture of our relationship: We live together, have a mortgage - so as far as I'm concerned we're pretty much married. Neither of us are into the whole marriage thing so it'll probably never happen. I'm 100% committed to her and 1000% to our little one. She has cheated on me in the past, once that i know of. Though I have no reason to suspect it's any more than that. I caught her out, I worked harder to keep the relationship going than anything else I've ever worked on, still pisses me off of course but I don't let that show and I trust her now 85%\n\nTrust isnt the immediate problem. The issue were having is that from her perspective, I cannot seem to do anything right. Perhaps it's best that i list some facts:\n\nI'm the breadwinner, she does the majority of childcare. I work 5/7 days, she does 3/7. I contribute \u00a3900 to the joint account, she contributes whatever is possible. I do this gladly and it's the most I can afford, we're okay money wise. I've never mentioned the difference in what we pay. I would like to pay more but that's the absolute upper limit of what I earn. \n\nI help out around the house, if she washes up 10 times a week, i wash up 5. If she does 5 loads of laundry a week , i do one or two. I see this as about fair given that I work full time and have less free time. I also see level 1 house jobs like this as ...not really very difficult or time consuming.\n\nI do all the 'man stuff'. If something needs fixing, then ill do it. This isnt really an option for her. Clever and smart and capable as she is, she doesn't know about hardware or how to use tools. I have encouraged her to learn but there is no significant interest. This is fine, but it does take my time and in my book counts as 'housework'. \n\nSince the arrival of our firstborn, I've given up any socialising, working late, hobbies. not 100% but for example, I really love fishing and used to go every week. Since becoming a Dad I've been once, for half a day. I used to go to the pub 3 times a week, I've been 3 or 4 times in the last year. I haven't been on any work socials, or pursued any other hobbies. Apart from playing computer games when they've both gone to bed. I don't mind this sacrifice at all. I would like to go fishing a bit more, maybe once every month or two as i miss the community I had with my fishing club, but i dont miss the pub or the going out, football, etc etc, I'd rather stay at home with the little one. \n\nIn comparison, She regularly meets up with other mums and does playdates and things like that, which i think is brilliant and fully support. I realise that theres a difference between going out drinking and dancing (which i have also fully supported) and going out to soft play. \n\nI am 100% supportive, committed, trustworthy. I do everything i can to empower her.\n\nSo that's the background, onto the problem...\n\n***I am constantly reprimanded, guilt tripped and in a roundabout way, called a bad Dad.***\n\nMy little lad has never wanted for anything, whether it be clothes, food, love, attention, unnecessary toys etc. He has whatever he needs and more. I am proud of my little lad, and I'm proud of myself to provide for him and his mother. Yet I am constantly henpecked about the slightest missed cues, dropped balls etc - all minor inconsequential stuff. \n\nExample from today - I've had the finger pointed at me because he has a temperature and i didnt ask often enough about how he was. I was away on work (rare event) and sent a text asking how he was as soon as i opened my eyes this morning. I received information from her saying his fever was much much better. 'Brilliant' i thought, and felt relief.\n\nI'm now being reprimanded and cold shouldered because i didn't enquire often enough throughout the morning. This is typical from his mother. I'm constantly berated for being inadequate in some way. Made to feel like I'm not doing my job properly despite the circumstances i am in . In this case I'm in lectures and an exam. \n\nIt doesn't stop there. I am berated for not telling her that I think she's a good mother. The random presents and 100% supportive statements aren't enough apparently. I should point out that not once, not once single time have I ever been told that I am a good father. Luckily for me I tell myself every day.\n\nI am also not allowed to behave naturally. What i mean by that is that I live my life with the intention of helping people. I really believe in 'paying it forward' rather than getting paid. This means that if there is an opportunity to help then i will. However I am frequently scorned for dedicating time to helping others, in particular members of my family ( who have been enormously supportive towards her since day 1). She hates my mother, she wont admit it, but if i take my lad to see his nanna then its cold shoulder all the way.\n\nI find myself in a situation that i feel i cannot escape. I cannot approach her about it, because it will just be like lighting the touchpaper. I just want my little lad to have a proper, happy family upbringing. I suppose I am feeling that she is a barrier to that. Rather than solve the issues at hand, I wait until they're tucked up in bed and start drinking. I cannot cope with all of the sources of stress that point conflict in my direction. \n\nPlease help me with your advice. Thank you in advance for your input.\n\nS   \n\n \n\n", "answer": "go to couple counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71evpj", "comment_id": "dna7nj2"}, {"question": "What to ask for if you haven't had a checkup in a very long time", "description": "I've not been to a doctor in probably twenty years. My new job has full medical coverage and I'm a 28 year old male, so I think I want to get checked out but I'm not sure what to ask for. Would I also be able to ask for blood work to be done, so it's a bit more than a simple physical? What type of doctor do I try and find? \n\nThanks for any advice. ", "answer": "If you're feeling well, do you need to get a check up at all?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vlovb", "comment_id": "de4u2yf"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure I've had depression for the past five years, quick questions about seeking treatment:", "description": "I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong place; it seemed like /r/depressoin and/r/mentalhealth were neck and neck for this post.\n\nI know self diagnosis is generally a bad idea, but assuming I have depression, I have a few questions. First, I'm on my mother's insurance, and she's a teacher, meaning we get state insurance (We're in the USA). I know I'll probably have to ask, but do most government employee insurance providers cover therapy and medication for mental problems? And, where do I start? I imagine a doctor has to write the prescription, but I'm sure a therapist would have to okay it first. So who should I go to first? And last, about how much would this cost out-of-pocket if insurance doesn't cover it? We come from a poor family and if this is going to make me bankrupt I may as well just go back to sleeping all day.", "answer": "The Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) mandates now that health insurance plans cover some form of mental health care as well, so you should have some options. That being said, it won't cover all therapists. Find your health insurance's website and look for a list of accepted providers.\n\nBefore you start with a doctor, I'd consider seeing a therapist a few times. Not everyone with depression requires anti-depressants, so best start off just seeking psychotherapy (it is more effective in the long-term anyways). If your therapist feels that you would benefit from a combined therapy/medicine approach, then he'll likely refer you to a psychiatrist for a prescription. Most insurance covers anti-depressants, so if your providers feel that is a needed option, it shouldn't be anymore than a 10-20 dollar co-pay per month. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "161v9p", "comment_id": "c7rzo5p"}, {"question": "What blood test generate this report?", "description": "[blood test report](https://imgur.com/a/cSoDd6k)\n\nGlucose Tolerance Test\n\nTuberculosis Test\n\nUrine Drug Test Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test Observed\n\nUrine Drug Test Express ResultsTM Online\n\nOral Fluid Drug Test\n\nHair Drug Test\n\nBreath Alcohol Test\n\nHealth and Wellness Screening\n\nAll Other Tests", "answer": "I'm not sure I understand your question, but the lab panels that give those results are the bold headings on each paper: CBC with differential, comprehensive metabolic panel, TSH, and a few hep B tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a8bmhd", "comment_id": "ec9d55l"}, {"question": "Difference between Borderline PD and Complex PTSD?", "description": "I know there is another post like this on here from earlier this year. However, the differences seem a bit too nuanced for me to understand well from online articles that don't really penetrate the underpinnings of these issues. I am looking for personal experience, anecdotal evidence, impressions, etc.\n\nBut I'll take basically whatever I can get -- how can one distinguish between BPD and C-PTSD?", "answer": "BPD is an actual recognized diagnosis in the DSM while CPTSD is not.  I conceptualize it as shifting the focus away from maladaptive personality traits to a stronger focus on trauma and formative experiences leading to maladaptive coping mechanisms.  Not all people with BPD have a history of trauma, as well.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "1ptdii", "comment_id": "cd5z2h5"}, {"question": "Got bit by a 19 yo human yesterday... am I being paranoid or could I already have an infection?", "description": "\n\nI take care of a 19 year old girl with autism and she bit me pretty bad. It did bleed just a tiny bit but stopped on its own within seconds. \n\nI wasn\u2019t able to wash it right away because I was alone with her and she was trying to injure herself. I wasn\u2019t able to leave her unattended at all for the next 6 hours. \n\nI was stupid and didn\u2019t receive medical attention right away. I have a wellness check with my pcp on tuesday (2 days after the bite) so I figured I could wait until then.  I am up to date on all my vaccinations, though I\u2019m due for my TDAP next month, if that\u2019s relevant. \n\nToday I feel awful. Shaky, horrible stomach ache, can\u2019t stand for too long. The bite mark itself is completely numb but my whole forearm is VERY tender and sensitive to the touch.  I have a purple and blue aura around the bite and the blue goes up my whole forearm. \n\nIs it possible for it to be infected this fast?  I\u2019ll attach [pictures](https://imgur.com/gallery/XxVrPWB)", "answer": "Bite incident = emergency department", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cdnfjq", "comment_id": "etwz6sw"}, {"question": "25/m Atheist currently dating 23/f Religious girl. New to dating in general and need some life advice.", "description": "I need some help...first let me say that I have read countless threads on the whole \"interfaith dating\" thing, and I have concluded that every couple/situation is different, and I'm just going to have to see how things play out before I condemn the relationship and run.\n\nThe biggest issue for me now is feeling like I am in love for the first time in my life, and I don't know how to handle it.  I have always been fairly anti-social, independent, and totally OK being alone.  I haven't ever truly \"dated\" anyone, and honestly never really desired to.  I have always loved my independence, doing what I want to do when I want to do it etc.  I always said I was too selfish for a relationship, which was probably accurate.  I knew I wouldn't be good boyfriend material.  In the last few years I have grown apart from most of my small core group of friends (no anger/drama, they are all just married, have families, etc.)  I am also not that close to anyone in my family, we get along fine, but don't ever do much together.  I guess that comes with being an atheist in Utah.  \n\nNow, I am with this girl who is seemingly totally incompatible with me, but they say opposites attract right?  I have known her for a few years, and we have always just been friends/acquaintances.  I told her about a month ago that I really liked her, and she said she felt the same way.  However we just sort of laughed it off (knowing each others beliefs etc.) and just said we should hang out more and be better friends as we really enjoy each others company.  That obviously didn't last long.  We were both frustrated being \"just friends \" and decided to just go for it, may as well find out if we are good for each other or not before we have to get \"serious.\" \n\nIt has only been a few weeks since then, and since then my mental state has changed dramatically.  Many of the things that used to make me angry don't anymore.  I am happier in general, I have even caught myself smiling randomly which I never used to do.  I guess you could say my general outlook on life is much more positive.  \n\nLook, I don't know if this girl is the girl for me.  I don't know if I am truly \"in love\", or just in love with these new feelings that I have never had before.  \n\nMy big issue, is that I have spent all of my life being independent and content by myself.  I have never understood love, and wasn't ever interested in trying.  Now, it's like my brain likes this feeling, and is trying to make up for 25 years of neglect.  I lose my mind when she is not around.  I crave to be with her, and when I am not I get really depressed.  I am playing it cool, not being clingy etc.  But it KILLS me to not be with her.  None of my hobbies, etc interest me anymore.  I can't sleep at night.  Now she is out of town for a week, and I am literally a disaster.  It's only been 3 days at this point, and I just can't deal with it.\n\nI am glad all of this happened, but on the other hand, it stresses me out to now be a slave to this \"co-dependency\" feeling.  I hate it.  It makes me feel like a weak little bitch.\n\nAny advice is appreciated, if you have read through this whole post I thank you.  It means a lot.  However please don't get hung up on the atheist/religious thing, I feel like I have done plenty of reading on that topic, and understand what it entails.  What I am really having a problem with is the separation.\n\nThanks,\n\nJohn\n\ntl;dr: Never been a dependent person, started dating someone, and now feel very co-dependent.  Not sure how to deal with it.", "answer": "you need a succinct summary at the bottom", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pdzt9", "comment_id": "dcqi5k0"}, {"question": "Amitriptyline and high heart rate, a side effect or serotonin syndrome?", "description": "A few weeks ago I was on amitryptiline for 3 days for sleep. I took 50mg the first night, 35 the second, 10 the third. Every morning I take adderall as soon as I open my eyes. The first day I noticed I could feel my heart beating fast, and after I moved around my apartment for 3 minutes I decided to check my heart rate because I could feel it even more , moving. It was 140, and normally it would be about 110 ( I have a heart rate monitor so I tend to know what is typical of me in different situations) . 2nd morning same thing ( 140 exactly) though I only took 35mg, 3rd morning was 137. Then I stopped because the fast heart beat made me feel uncomfortable especially when leaving home, because it would be even faster. \n\nI looked up fast heart rate as a side effect but didn't see it and forgot about it. But then today I learned of serotonin syndrome, possible from mixing amphetamines with tricyclic antidepressants. According to Wikipedia fast heart rate is a symptom of mild serotonin syndrome. As is euphoria. When I spoke to my doctor I asked him if my amitryptiline could have antidepressant effect even at that low dose because I felt a little 'high' each morning after I took it ( a light feeling in my head though my body still felt heavy and sedated). \n\nNow I wonder if it could have been mild serotonin syndrome? I'm worried because I'm about to see about starting an antidepressant soon, but if that was serotonin syndrome maybe I am sensitive to getting it? What do you think?\n\nF, 38, 5'5\", 125 pounds, Midwest USA, medication I take every day, trazodone for sleep, adderall, sometimes midodrine. I didn't take trazodone the nights I took amitryptiline. Thanks!", "answer": "Fast heart rate alone is unlikely to be serotonin syndrome, especially with fairly low doses of a TCA (even if it is with an amphetamine). Amitriptyline can sometimes produce rapid heart rate as a side effect on its own; maybe that's what happened.\n\nIf you are going to try another antidepressant you'll see whether it was an idiosyncratic response to the amitriptyline. My hunch is yes, in part because your baseline heart rate is so unusually high. Is that the rate you have before taking Adderall in the morning?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8cjkks", "comment_id": "dxfg9fg"}, {"question": "I proposed to my [29M] girlfriend [25F] this past Saturday. She confessed to cheating early in our relationship the next day.", "description": "I posted this in r/relationships but they removed it since they said it's more appropriate elsewhere so I'm gonna try here. \n\nI [29F] proposed to my girlfriend [25F] of six years this past weekend. She said yes, and then confessed the next day that she had been unfaithful early in our relationship. She said it was a one night stand with an ex-boyfriend. \n\nI'm hurting bad over it. She said she needed to tell me because she didn't want to bring a secret into our marriage, and wanted me to be able to walk away easily and without the complications of divorce. She said she's wanted to tell me but she didn't want to lose me and knew she wouldn't ever do it again. She said she was young, and didn't think we'd ever even reach this point. (We both had no plan of  ever getting married when we met, but that changed as we got older.)\n\nRight now she's staying at her parents and I'm taking sometime to myself. She is without a doubt the woman of my dreams, but I don't know if I can forgive her. All I've pictured since finding out is her being intimate with someone else. I don't want to continue with the relationship and end up with a wife I resent. But at the same time I don't see myself ever falling in love and connecting with anyone they way I do with her. This shit sucks. \n\nTL;DR Girlfriend confesses to a one night stand early in relationship after proposal. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61caf5", "comment_id": "dfditfq"}, {"question": "Do any of you keep mood/mental health trackers? If so, what do you use? And how do you do it when ADHD makes your mood fluctuate hourly?!", "description": "The latter part is the bit that gets me. I come to the end of the day and I usually cannot pick just one mood I've been in that day, so I need some sort of system that covers that, but isn't too arduous (because then I won't keep at it for more than a few weeks).\n\nIdeally I want to track it in my bullet journal, but open to thoughts about successful ways of doing it! Thanks gang :)", "answer": "I\u2019m doing it in my bullet journal. Have you looked at some bullet journal videos on YouTube? There are a lot on mood tracking in particular.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abnvrx", "comment_id": "ed1rgd1"}, {"question": "Anxious GF pushed me away. Should I wait? Will she come back? confused.", "description": "Hey there,\n\nI decided to post here to get some feedback from people with anxiety to see if I'm handling this correctly, so here we go.\n\nGirl and I were together for 9 months and everything was going perfect. Then completely out of the blue she said she wanted to break up. Saying that she still loved me and she'll probably feel so stupid for doing this, but she didn't think it was fair to me to bring me down with her on her emotional rollercoaster, etc etc. I told her I loved roller coasters, but understood and said that I would be here if she needed me. That was a little over a month ago.\n\nSince then, we've been talking pretty much every day. I've been giving her the space to pick herself back up, and she's been initiating roughly 90% of the conversations. Every now and then (maybe 1-2x a week) I'll randomly just send her a small something positive (everything will be okay). Some of the convo's are quick little ones, some of them are on and off all day, and some days there are none. \n\nFast forward to about a week ago and we're talking and snapping pretty heavily. About the same as we were when we were dating. She even started sexting me, saying she missed me, and she made plans to come over because she thinks it would provide her \"clarity\" on the situation and if we had sex then oh well (all her call not mine). I said it was fine, but then the other day she completely backed out again saying that it wasn't fair for her to make me think we were working things out and I told her I didn't think that, but again I understood. She knows that I love everything about her (including her anxiety) and would take her back as soon as she felt like she was ready to.\n\nI just would just like some feedback if I'm handing this correctly. Is there something I should/shouldn't be doing? I feel like I'm walking a lot of fine lines and I don't want to over step anything. How long can these low points last?", "answer": "Honestly, anxiety, mental health issues, all that aside, it sounds like she's stringing you along and using you for emotional support.  \n\n\nWhether she's dating/seeing other people on the side without your knowledge or not which I wouldn't be surprised in this case (sorry bud), she's getting everything she wants from you and you're not getting what you want which is the relationship I assume.  \n\n\nIf she's truly using you in the way that it looks like, what you're doing is both allowing yourself to be used to your detriment.  If this is all legit horrible anxiety, then what you're doing by being too available as a stand-in therapist is enabling her avoidant behaviors which will only make her anxiety worse in the long run.  \n\n\nMy advice for either case is to make yourself substantially less available.  Don't respond to texts regularly.  Maybe check in once a week or so at most, certainly not daily or multiple times daily.  Go on some dates while the two of you are broken up.  You don't have to get into another relationship if you don't want or you're not ready, but no harm in taking care of yourself and at the very least casually dating.  I think going on a date with someone else might even give you some more insight into your current situation than any online advice could.  \n\n\nI'd be willing to bet that as soon as she finds out you are going on other dates, she'll push for the relationship again.  At that point, it's up to you to decide if this is the kind of person you want to deal with long term.     \n\n\n", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8iod20", "comment_id": "dytf3le"}, {"question": "Question about ethics", "description": "My wife and I were seeing a marriage therapist when we lived in another state around 2016.  This was our third marriage therapist.  Party because we moved twice in three years, but partly because she didn't like the first two.  She also said that I manipulated the therapists.\n\nMy wife and I were on the verge of divorce last year around April 2018.  A few months into the divorce, she wrote me this long email where she mostly trashed me.  I just ignored it for the most part because it was a divorce and I expect nasty things to be said.  But one thing that stuck out was that she said she contacted the therapist from 2016 and asked her if I am a narcissist.  In the email, she said the therapist confirmed that I am a narcissist.  Months after that, she said that I am not the typical self-loving narcissist, that I am some kind of type 3 (?) narcissist where I lack empathy for others.\n\nNow, since then, we've reconciled and we're working on our marriage including going to a Church marriage group.  My wife and I got into a discussion about our youngest child and my wife brought up that I am a narcissist.  When I said I couldn't imagine the therapist saying I am a narcissist, my wife changed the story to \"Well she said you have narcissist tendancies.\"\n\nNow, whether I am a narcissist or not, I'll leave that up to you readers to decide.  I'm using my main account to post this and you have years of post history to dig through if you are inclined.  My wife has said it's classic narcissist behavior to try to deny being a narcissist or defend yourself against the accusation.  That seems like circullar logic to me but a lot of these \"living with a narcissist\" websites and subreddits say the same thing.  I imagine anyone accused of anything would seek to prove themselves innocent and that behavior isn't tied to narcissists.\n\nThat said, my question is: was it unethical of our 2016 marriage therapist to discuss me with my wife privately during our divorce?  And if so, what, if anything, should I do about it?", "answer": "As a therapist I'd be likely to bet that she never even spoke to your old therapist.  Even if she did, I'd take anything she said that the therapist told her with a grain of salt.  Folks in these situations can have a way of hearing what they want to hear, even if it's far from what's being said, or written.    \n\n\nMost therapists aren't going to disclose information like that, especially not in an email.  This was from two-three years ago that you saw this therapist?  How long did you see them?  \n\n\nUnless I've seen folks for a considerable amount of time and there's something that really sticks with me, there's no way I can remember anything other than the major details of a case from years ago.  It's not that I don't care about them, it's just that I only have so much mental space.  If I'm seeing 20-30 clients a week, it's likely I may have over 100 different clients in any given year.  It's just not possible for me to remember the details of every one, especially not for clients I haven't seen in years.  \n\n\nIf you found out that everything your wife said was indeed true (which I'd bet a lot of money against) you can always file a complaint with the state licensing board where the therapist is licensed.  I might ask for a copy of the actual email or to have her forward it to you.  If you do get an email and don't like the looks of it or question it's legitimacy, I'd contact the therapist to see if it's legitimate.  Ya know.... to see if either you need to be making a report to the licensing board or get proof that your wife is falsely passing off something she wrote as official advice from a mental health professional.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b10ltf", "comment_id": "eiip9k9"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (22/M) is starting to take coke and I (20/f) don't know how to cope with this.", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nSo my boyfriend has expressed his want to try coke JUST ONCE just to say he did it awhile back in our relationship. Before he did this i did tell him i would highly prefer he did not and that it makes me very uncomfortable. I expressed to him that my previous boyfriend did coke and treated me very horribly while on it. He told me that if i really didnt want him to that he promises he wont.\n\nFast forward about 2 months later, he tells me hes going out the bar with friends. I stayed in since it was a weeknight and we both had work the following day. I get woken up at 5am by him coming into the house, mind you he has work in one hour at 6am, and he tells me he actually went his friends house and tried cocaine. I was really disappointed when he told me, and his exact words were \"I dont see how anyone can get addicted to this stuff\", which made me go into this rant about exactly how addictive it is etc. He basically was making it out like it could be used everyday and it would be NBD.\n\nSince then he has told me that he wouldn't be doing it again, that he only wanted to just try it. Its been maybe 3.5-4 weeks since that happened. \n\nWe had dinner plans tonight, he texts me at work asking if we can move them to tomorrow night because he got invited out for drinks and joints with \"chris\". Chris is his cocaine friend that got him to try it in the first place. Mind you guys i dont not care at all if he smokes pot, that is not a big deal at all. So i said \"Okay, but no coke\" and he said \"you only live once\" and started fighting me on it. It ended with me saying \"do whatever you want, i dont care\". and i have been ignoring his messages since. \n\nIm not trying to be controlling, but drugs beyond pot make me very anxious as i have been with someone in the past and saw how bad and out of hand it can get. Coke is like russian roulette, it starts out fun and once and awhile and the next thing you know your in a bad situation. I have tried telling him repeatedly that it bothers me, he shrugs it off and says its no big deal.\n\nDid i also mention he is taking adderall as of two weeks ago. He claims he has always had ADHD but has never gone to the doctor and been prescribe for it. Hes been buying adderall from a friend for work so he can focus more. Cant mixing adderall and coke potentially lead to a bad situation? \n\nI just care, i dont want to see him get into something he cant get himself out of. Am i being unfair? I dont care if he goes out with friends, drinks, or smokes pot. \n\n", "answer": "leave", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71lrcz", "comment_id": "dnbquo5"}, {"question": "After 8 years of daily use, a diagnosis of Cannabis Use Disorder, I guess I'm ready to change.", "description": "Hi, I'm Glo, and I'm addicted to THC.\n\nI started smoking weed as a teen with friends, sometimes skipping school to get high, but not often.  Then I got to college.  I started smoking more often, at least once or twice a week, still just with friends though.  Then came moving into my first apartment (shared with roommates) and all the freedom of living away from parents and off of school property.  I got myself my very own bong that year... and that's when everything started to change.\n\nI began smoking daily, after work at first, then eventually in the morning before breakfast but hours before my nighttime work shifts.  When I was 22 I met my ex, D\\*, and fell in love hard and fast.  He smelled of cannabis and coffee (we worked at starbucks together) and I loved it.  He was a weed dealer (back in the days before dispensaries were standard in Toronto) and smoked daily as well.  I was always high when we were together.  I started smoking at all times of day regardless of when I worked, and being high became my normal.\n\nTwo years later, D\\* broke my heart, and I didn't want to feel anything.  I started smoking much higher THC levels and more often, I relied heavily on cannabis to numb my negative emotions. These emotions of mine are very intense, as I have Borderline Personality Depression and ADHD.  Being high made me less reactionary, less anxious, more... comfortable.\n\nIt's been 3 years since that breakup and despite multiple attempts at \"cutting back\" \"lowering my usage\" or \"quitting\".. I haven't been successful.\n\nI am dependent. I spend all my time thinking about the next chance I'll have to smoke, I don't socialize unless I can be high, I don't allow myself to run out of weed even if it means going without groceries. I am terrified of the idea that I should quit for good and forever, but I know I can't go on like this.\n\nI'm lonely. I'm lethargic. My memory is hard to access. I've no motivation to do anything other than smoking weed. I'm late for work often (a job I love!) because I just can't motivate myself to be on time for anything ever.  I've gained a LOT of weight and never have enough energy to exercise.  I'm numb and haven't cried in over a year despite experiencing sad and even traumatic events in that time.\n\nI recently had a Psychiatric consult because I thought these struggles were linked to my medications (anti-depressant, mood stabiliser) and wanted to try a different medication for the first time since going on antidepressants. The psychiatric team I consulted with diagnosed me with Cannabis Use Disorder, and explained that due to the amount I've been smoking, every day, for years now, while my brain still developed and while I also struggle with BPD - that it has caused long term effects on my cognitive functions and mood.  They told me that it would be pointless to change my medication without me actually making a change in my cannabis consumption and addressing this addiction.\n\n​\n\nSo here I am. Going to an Addictions Clinic next Wednesday, looking for support here, and tomorrow night, I am going to go to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting (very lucky that I live in Toronto and there are options every weekday here)  But I'm scared. I don't know what's coming. I don't know how to accept this new reality.  I don't know what to do to occupy my time as nothing seems to make me as happy as smoking weed does. Nothing calms my mind the way smoking does.\n\nSo there's my story, I'm taking the first steps towards quitting, and I'm terrified.", "answer": "I\u2019m so proud of you for taking this step! You\u2019ve got this and we\u2019re here for you \ud83d\udc99", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "faiktn", "comment_id": "fizir6m"}, {"question": "Fiancee (ex?) has ptsd and found her cheating on me... don't know what to do...", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Wow, it sounds like she is seriously depressed and in self destructive mode.  Unless she is imminently suicidal or homicidal you probably can't force her to get hospitalized.   Dealing with her sounds stressful though, so I would seek counseling for yourself to see if you can't a) get some emotional healing going with a professional b) talk with a professional who may have experience helping people like your wife.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "12cr6e", "comment_id": "c6v5krk"}, {"question": "How to not care?", "description": "Do you guys have any tips on how to not care, what anyone else says, thinks or does? Trying not to take things serious all the time. ", "answer": "In your life, what do you want to be doing?  How do other people\u2019s opinions interfere with you doing what you want to be doing?\n\nCause you\u2019re gonna have thoughts or feelings about everything all the time. Keep doing you and everyone will think you don\u2019t care. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "75n4fu", "comment_id": "do7h2v3"}, {"question": "DBT Skill Organization", "description": "Hi, everyone! I was wondering what methods you all use to keep track of the DBT/mindfulness skills you find so that you can access them easily when you need them. I\u2019m thinking about keeping a creative journal of some sort where I can compile them all. Do you guys have any ideas/examples of your own to share? Thanks in advance!", "answer": "One of these might help:\n\n [https://www.google.com/search?q=dbt+skills+cheat+sheet&pws=0&gl=us&sxsrf=ACYBGNT\\_XCycHQrSQRAici47saHX987PDg:1573778469996&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwivz6LV\\_erlAhVFjK0KHZUxCmsQ\\_AUIEigB&biw=1280&bih=610](https://www.google.com/search?q=dbt+skills+cheat+sheet&pws=0&gl=us&sxsrf=ACYBGNT_XCycHQrSQRAici47saHX987PDg:1573778469996&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwivz6LV_erlAhVFjK0KHZUxCmsQ_AUIEigB&biw=1280&bih=610)", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "dwi49y", "comment_id": "f7jiptf"}, {"question": "Is there any full body and brain scan I can get, say, every 6 months, for preventative healthcare?", "description": "Im a 24 year old who has had a lot of sudden major diagnoses. \n\nAge: 24 yr old\nSex: Male. \nHeight: 176 cm \nWeight: 140 pounds. \nRace: Indian\nDuration of complaint: 7 years. \nLocation on body: All over\n\n\nHave been on various medications before for physical and mental illnesses. Im just tired of being surprised by sickness. ", "answer": "There are strong recommendations against \"fishing\" scans to try to find problems without specific reasons. The details are long, but effectively you're more likely to get a false positive and suffer harm from taking further action to diagnose and treat a spurious problem.\n\nWithout knowing what diagnoses you have it's impossible to say if there are any routine tests you should get.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "amfgde", "comment_id": "efm7174"}, {"question": "DAE feel like their life just consists of waiting?", "description": "The worst part is we wait for tomorrow in the hope that it will be better than today, but when tomorrow comes we just spend it wishing it were yesterday. It just feels like i'm simply waiting to die.   DAE feel this way?", "answer": "If you can wait without anger you can be said to be patient", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3m8065", "comment_id": "cvdm6a4"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "I'm terrible for eye contact. Whenever I make eye contact with anyone especially woman I get super bad anxiety. What are the standards on eye contact. I usually count to 5 then look away for a quick second then make eye contact again.", "answer": "There is no one standard.  It is very dependent on culture as different cultures have different feelings/expectations regarding this.  \n\n\nIn the U.S. and other western countries it's generally expected to maintain eye contact during a conversation with someone when it's in a professional or academic setting, or if the conversation is more serious.  In a casual setting, eye contact is not always expected depending on the person.  \n\nIf you're paying attention to it, it's generally better/easier to focus on one eye as if you're sitting close to someone, it's not possible to focus on both at the same time.  \n\n\nHonestly, the best way to \"master\" it is to stop trying to \"master\" it.  The more you try and think about it, the more anxiety you're going to have which can contribute to avoiding it.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ezac26", "comment_id": "fgm1q04"}, {"question": "How do you not become addicted.... to happiness?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Most people aren't \"happy\" but \"content\". Strive for being content not happy. Happy comes when it comes", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "h187xj", "comment_id": "fuljwkn"}, {"question": "YES!", "description": "Today is 1 week without purging. 7 days without giving in. 168 hours without letting bulimia destroy me. 10080 minutes. 604,800 seconds, and they were ALL mine.", "answer": "Wahoo!!! Well done!", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "jm76r5", "comment_id": "gatj0sm"}, {"question": "Dear ex-boyfriend, you're a rapist", "description": "You knew I didn't want to do it, that was a boundary from the start. But you nagged and begged so much. You told me you wanted to try anal because you were a virgin when we met and I wasn't. That it was the only \"first\" you could have of mine. The first time we did anal I didn't want to. You'd nagged me so much, told me we'd been together long enough, that if I cared about you I would try. It was our anniversary. Our third anniversary I believe. You called it our \"analversary\". I got so high on poppers and whippets I barely knew where I was. I was so scared that I got blasted off of drugs you bought for me specifically for this event. I could hardly tell where I was or who I was with. I was numb. I was delirious. I was high as a kite. All so you could fuck me in the ass. Afterwards I told you I didn't want to do it again, you begged for it to be a special occasion event. I dreaded it. So it became something that happened on your birthday or our anniversary. Then it became something that happened on demand when you felt like it. \n\nWhen I finally told you, after 4 years together, that I'd been raped before we met, anally raped, you reacted in the worst possible way someone could react. You called me a liar. You called me a sl*t. Said that the reason people tend to not believe rape victims is because of women like me. That I was a drunk with buyers remorse. That I was lying about screaming stop while he fucked me. You said you felt dirty for losing your virginity to me. You made me apologize to you. \n\nLiving with you became a nightmare. For years I felt like a slave, like a maid by day and a blow up doll by night. The emotional abuse became a monthly thing, then a weekly thing, then a daily thing. You would verbally berate me for hours, claiming you wanted to kill yourself, saying I didn't do enough, saying you needed me to do more to make *you* feel sexy, calling me whatever you needed to to make me feel like a shit person and a shit girlfriend, then with tears still in your eyes you asked me if I wanted to have sex. How was I supposed to say no? The one time I did muster up my courage to say no, you exploded into fresh tears. You said it was confirmation that I wasn't attracted to you, that I didn't love you, that you should just kill yourself. You made me feel like it was sex or breakup/suicide. But still I couldn't call what was happening rape, because I wasn't even allowed to call my other, more violent rape a rape. \n\nOne night when we were sitting on the couch together (that's all we ever did anymore) you saw the news of the Rolling Stone rape report, the one that ended up being a false accusation. You took this as a chance to go on your diatribe about how women made false rape reports all the time, how women have buyers remorse and the cry rape, how men have to suffer because women have regrets. You looked straight at me and said \"You went through that once.\" I tapped into all the strength I had and said, \"I still feel like I was raped.\" Then we had a weird conversation where you listened, briefly apologized for being insensitive, and then seemingly complaining forgot that event even occurred, where you called me a liar and a sl*t for saying I was raped. \n\nYou knew I'd been anally raped. You knew I didn't want to do it. You still wanted to have anal. After all your meltdowns, as you were still melting down, after telling me it was my responsibility to make you feel wanted, you would nag me over and over. After telling me you wanted to kill yourself because I didn't make you feel wanted enough, you would ask me for sex (again, how was I supposed to say no?) and after sex would tell me how much you wanted to do anal again. One of those days that I relented, after I'd finished cleaning the blood off my ass, you told me anal was more special between us now because of what happened to me. You still wanted to have anal. I wanted to die. \n\nThe last time we had anal, when you made me go on top of you, you didn't hide your impatience. You went too deep and too fast, when I told you it hurt you would slow down for two pumps then start back up again. The pain started to make me go numb, and I felt like my entire being retreated into this spot inside my head where I could get lost in a dream and not feel the pain as much. I dreamed about being somewhere else. I dreamed about running away. I dreamed about killing you. After you were finished and let me off of you, you saw the blood and were horrified. You said you didn't realize you were hurting me. I was telling you you were hurting me. You didn't care. I told you I never wanted to do it any of the times we did it. You didn't say a word. \n\nWhen I left you, I felt like you were a broken man, with no coping mechanisms for his undiagnosed bipolar and potentially schizophrenia. I felt like you were a victim of an unbalanced, abusive mother. I felt like you were abusive because of your environment and your illness. Now, over a year later, I feel like you were a sick monster who was raised by the devil. I know that people say that it's important in the healing process to forgive, but I'm further away from forgiving you than I was when I left. Now that I'm free and I'm allowed to feel however I want, I've seen more and more how truly awful you were. I've met so many wonderful men since I've met you, but I can't trust a single one of them because I'm scared that anyone of them could secretly be like you. You loved to blame everyone else for your problems- me, your mother, your work, religion, society, immigrants- but you can't blame anyone else for you pestering me, begging me, threatening me, ignoring me saying it hurts and that I didn't want to do it, all because you wanted to fuck me in the ass. You're a rapist. \n\nEdit: I'm overwhelmed by this response. Thank you so very much for the support and the kinds words. I didn't expect this to get quite so much response. I've read every single comment here and most of them have made me feel so supported and believed. Thank you. If someone in your life tells you that they've been assaulted, the most powerful thing you can tell them is that you believe them. ", "answer": "Jesus.  This is one of those stories I read and wonder what I'd have done.  It's easy to think you'd have done different, exposed him, ruined him... but it's a lot harder when you're in the moment.  \n   \nWhen someone is unforgivable, the only comfort I get is knowing what a miserable fucking life that must be.  Hating everyone, blaming the world.  Psychos like him aren't happy.  They die miserable no matter how much life gives them.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "74xnnk", "comment_id": "do22zke"}, {"question": "I miss my ex that I broke up with last year. Need advice", "description": "Almost a year ago I (m) broke up with my girlfriend (f). She was a really great girlfriend and I think I may have made a mistake.\n\nI broke up with her because I had all the doubts that she was the one. We got back together for a couple weeks but she ended up breaking up with me because she felt I wasn't in it. I haven't spoken to her since then and at first I was fine but 6 months later I started missing her a lot.\n\nI want to call her up but I'm worried about feeling the same way and hurting her again. \n\nI stumbled upon this post and it really spoke to me. \n\nhttps://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=536154\n\nDo you think it's worth getting back together with counseling or do I just need to leave her alone?  I really miss her. ", "answer": "yes; get back with counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6hs7ml", "comment_id": "dj0u33w"}, {"question": "How do I help my friend in crisis when I am distressed by their behavior?", "description": "New to this subreddit, so feel free to delete if this isn't allowed. Just not sure where else to get advice.\n\nMy friend of 7 years has been showing very worrying symptoms, but I'm not sure what to say or do when talking to them lately. The difficulty is compounded by the fact that they are reaching out to me (I have a very bad reaction to impulsive/manic behavior due to parental abuse) and my husband (who is dealing with the loss of a family member due to homelessness and drug use).\n\nSome context:They recently lost their long time job from missing too many days. They got a new job, but apparently have been skipping work enough that they expect to be fired and want to quit. In a facebook message, they told my husband they were planning on selling all their things and going to \"live in the woods.\" Over the phone, they told both of us that they decided they \"physically and mentally cannot work.\" All I asked was how other people in their life have reacted to that news, and if they understood the consequences/reality of being homeless as a result. That was enough for them to pretend to have a stomach ache and hang up. We haven't talked since except for when they sent my husband a link to a song with lyrics about no one understanding their pain. He didn't respond to it because he wasn't sure how.\n\nThey are probably both my husband and my closest friend, they've stayed at our house for periods of time, but its something we've learned doesn't work because of our incompatible mental health issues. Each time they've shown signs of being manic or depressed we've asked them to get therapy, but they never do. The closest they got was talking to their PCP about depression and were prescribed anti-depressants, but I suspect that they are no longer taking them since they lost health insurance. We have found a free crisis counseling center very close to them, but they are apparently resistant to going and are still planning on \"living in the woods\".\n\nI'm struggling with what to do if they end up with no income and stop making rent, and are left homeless. I am personally struggling a lot to stay caught up on my work (I work from home as a graduate student) because of my mental health and depression. I feel guilty but I know it would put an enormous strain on me and my husband, especially with their current attitude of not being able to work.  The impulsiveness, the doing (excessive, but legal where I am) drugs, is very stressful for us both. I hate to use the word triggered, but even on the phone with them I was struggling with fight or flight feelings. In short, we are literally the last people who are able to be patient with this sort of behavior. That said, financially we are probably the best off of any of their friends, and they do not have any supportive family that could take them in.\n\nIs this \"living in the woods\" plan close enough to suicide that I should consider calling it in as an emergency? At what point can or should I be concerned about them committing suicide? How soon is too soon to call it in as an emergency? Does anyone have advice on how to deal with talking to them from here on out? In the worst case scenario, what should I say if they ask to stay with us?", "answer": "This is a tough situation! Are you in the US? Unfortunately,  there is not much that can be done for a person who is not actively suicidal with plan and intent.  \n\nYour county may have a crisis line or a mobile team that can talk to your friend. Of course , they can't make your friend do anything. \n\nA plan to live in the woods is not a suicide plan.e ven if you think it is a bad idea , as far as risk assessment goes , it is future oriented. \n\nAs far as your own boundaries related to your friend asking to live with you , only you can decide that. If you did allow it,  It would not be unfair to expect the friend to engage in mental health services . Again,  only you can decide your comfort with this .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "feq10h", "comment_id": "fjvr5g3"}, {"question": "Grief support groups?? Any help appreciated.", "description": "TW: suicide\n\nHi all! I hope this is the right place to post this.\n\nOne of my close friends lost a partner to suicide a few months ago. She is, of course, reeling. We are college students with very little money. I am trying to see if I can find something near her to help her process her grief that is accessible, helpful and affordable. \n\nDoes anyone have any suggestions or experience with this? Any and all support and recommendations on how you or someone you know processed grief is appreciated.\n\nThanks so much.", "answer": "Check out your local hospice care centers. Many of those groups are free to the public and occur weekly. That's for more general grief. Also, if your friend is spiritual/religious, check into some local churches/congregations.\n\nIf you want something a bit more specific to suicide, try looking for groups on [psychologytoday.com](https://psychologytoday.com) or finding some local mental health Facebook pages and seeing if anyone knows of anything local.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f18aeo", "comment_id": "fh2jyru"}, {"question": "My TSH level was 5,06 about 6 months ago, my doc thought it was odd and told me to take another blood test and now it's 2,85?", "description": "Hi. 24F. Recently I've gained a lot of weight and I've been feeling a lot more depressed and tired. I already had depression but this is another level. Also my TSH level was 5,06 so my doctor thought I could have hypothyroidism and that that would explain a lot. He told me to take another blood test and this time it was 2,85,which I think I'd within the reference levels... I didn't want to have thyroid dysfunction but I was happy that there was a logical explanation for this downhill. Can it be a much more serious health issue?", "answer": "Base on the information you\u2019ve given, it doesn\u2019t look like hypothyroidism. We can\u2019t comment on things that weren\u2019t tested.\n\nDepression alone can account for your symptoms and could worse or improve spontaneously.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d5yh03", "comment_id": "f0ooyuy"}, {"question": "My specialist has bad ratings", "description": "I have to be referred through my clinic to be diagnosed. They made the appointment today, and the person they've set me up with has terrible ratings. 3/5 stars, most people complain he likes to push sedatives and doesn't listen.\n\nI don't know how much to trust it (it's not through Google, it's a physician rating website for Ontario) and if I should call to switch or try it.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "Online ratings are a useful tool but keep in mind that people tend to be more compelled to go online and share either really good or really bad experiences. For all the bad reviews you see, there\u2019s probably a number of other people who had good or neutral experiences. They just didn\u2019t feel particularly compelled to share them. However, if you\u2019re noticing themes in the reviews - like pushing sedatives - be aware of that and prepared to advocate for yourself. You might find that if you communicate clearly about your needs and preferences, the doctor is totally willing to work with you.\n\nGetting into a psychiatrist can take a while, so if I were in your shoes, I\u2019d keep the info in the reviews in mind, attend the appointment, and then make a decision about if the doctor is a good fit or not. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a4x07n", "comment_id": "ebi6ncp"}, {"question": "Help with SNRI withdrawal?", "description": "I was put on 150mg of venlafaxine about half a year ago. It's the second antidepressant I've been on and there are only negative effects. A few weeks ago I decided I've had enough and cut it down little by little, until I had been on the smallest pills in the capsules (12,5mg) for 3 days and just stopped it there. Now I've been without the med for 2 days and withdrawal is getting worse. Brain zaps about once every 10 seconds, sometimes they reach out to my limbs. I'm sweating and I have a headache that painkillers are doing nothing to. Nausea and puking started a few hours ago.\n\nAnybody with experience? What can I do to ease this?", "answer": "Venlafaxine is one of the hardest SNRI drugs to taper off of.  Have you talked to the doctor about it?  They may be able to add another much more mild antidepressant to temporarily assist, or have other options.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yjp18", "comment_id": "c5wc8i0"}, {"question": "Should I get tested for Hep C?", "description": "I'm a 25 year old female, from the USA, 140 lbs (don't think that matters though) not sexually promiscuous.\n\n​\n\n When I was 18 I had a year long relationship with a guy who I later found out had Hep C. I have never ever done drugs of any kind, but apparently he did and when he had surgery for something unrelated they told him.\n\n I never got tested and now 7 years later, somebody brought up the subject and for some reason my anxiety went through the roof wondering if I should have. I have a son, who I breastfeed and now I can't stop worrying about it. \n\nI have never had any symptoms, but I hear many don't. I guess my question is, how commonly is passed sexually? It is keeping me up at night worrying. Do I have a reason to be this worried or is not commonly passed that way?\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "It's fairly rare for hep C to be sexually transmitted, but it's not impossible. You probably should get tested. If you're negative, which you probably will be, it will set your mind at ease. If you're not, you're armed with the knowledge to follow it and get treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mla3d", "comment_id": "e7fk7gi"}, {"question": "My Friends, my people.", "description": "Hi! I can not express how pleased I am to see you  all. With encouragement from an amazing friend and doing the dance called \"fake it to you make it\" (like a boss!) I have been facing my fear of the internet and \"being on-line\" for the past 45mins. I felt lost and confused trying to work how to say hello and where to \"post it\" & what community. Then like a diamond in the sky, mental health smacked me in the face! Der shit face, I am so passionate and proud that I have a file with my name on the front at my local community mental health building. It makes sense to post in a community full of peeps that know what I'm talking about. Pin that badge on me with Bipolar Effective Disorder & the under valued OCD.I look after my labels. I respect them.  I am safe and relaxed amongst other people living with mental health because I can 100% be me, I don't have to put on an act or smile trying to convince or prove that I'm normal. Social stigma prevents us from shaking the stigma. I don't need the pity look or a patronizing smile if I'm talking to you cause, crazy or not buddy I'm happier than you'll ever be. This spring I'll be in my late 30's, I am widowed and conducting my very own social experiment at home raising a boy and girl. I work at the long standing local hospital part time at night as a \"waitress\" to the patients. My big boss had the balls to call me a \"trolley dolly\" once. Discrimination. I'm more than that, I love my job and take enormous pride in my work. My kids are amazing, I have a job I love, I have out of this world friends and meaningful relationship YET somehow some people only see my badges. Its very exciting thinking I could express my thoughts and ideas freely without a face & body language to consider. I'm a big dreamer with wild goals and a unique bucket list, surely not me! If you have made it to this part of my essay, thank you! I'm going to count backwards from 12 by 2's and hit POST and walk away slowly............", "answer": "Welcome to Reddit and this subReddit!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6u35yd", "comment_id": "dlpych1"}, {"question": "We [27/CPL] have issues with [26/CPL] friends, but don't know how to deal with it. Advise needed.", "description": "I and my wife have been friends this couple for past three years or so. Initially, we were really hitting off and had no issues. They also became part of our friend circle and are now friends with our every other friends.\n\nNow, I have started noticing some problems in last few months (with husband mainly). To give you some examples -\n\n* He would call my wife directly for catch-up regularly and speak with her for good 10-20 mins but wouldn't talk to me even if I am in the same room. \n\n* We were at a dance party recently and I was trying to dance with my wife (she is fantastic dancer and I am just getting started and hence trying). The couple straight up told me that they would like to dance with the wife and I should move to the side.\n\nTo give you more background - I am not jealous kind of person. I am very open about my wife talking to other guys/friends but I feel things like the ones mentioned above are not normal.\n\nI have brought up this point to my wife and she agrees that it is a problem but we both are not sure how to handle the situation. One way would be to stop talking to them but it doesn't help as we share the same common friends and hangout quite frequently as a group.\n\nAny suggestions/advise would be helpful.\n\n \n\nPS: I have tried to speak with the guy to figure out the problem but he said that he doesn't have any problem.", "answer": "It's up to her to say no to him when he's being intrusive.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wedab", "comment_id": "de9g1xu"}, {"question": "(Confused) wanting to explore my sexuality [f,23]", "description": "I've been with my boyfriend for two years, we live together and are actually really happy. Kinda like how I've always pictures it. And we have a great sex life very exciting and open and intimate but I keep having this fantasy about being with a girl because I never have. And I don't wanna have a threesome. I wanna experience what it would be like to be with a woman and I think I would like it. How could I ever being this up to my boyfiend? I don't think I could cheat on him.", "answer": "You can own your desires by acting on them or not acting on them. \n\nIf you decide to act on them and you don't want to cheat, you can break up with your boyfriend or ask for his permission. \n\nTo ask for his permission, you'd have to tell him what you want to do. Which would be brave.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dycgd", "comment_id": "di6b24g"}, {"question": "Pulse Oximeter usage", "description": "Obviously I'm not trained but I read about how medics during freedive events will pass/fail divers based on SPO2 readings.. and I was just wondering how medical professionals accurately measure it?\n\nLike if I take one deep breath my SPO2 might be 99% but if I start taking shallow breaths with pauses it might drop down to 94%.\n\nIn general, would the SPO2 be measured at any given time or is it the max SPO2 someone can achieve?", "answer": "I'm not sure I understand your question, but I'll answer as best I can. SPO2 is a momentary snapshot of peripheral oxygen saturation that can be monitored in real time. You can deliberately hyper- or hypoventilate, to a point, and it would show up with pulse oximetry, but the range before your body will override your conscious breathing efforts to normalize CO2 and O2 is not all that wide.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a3dvr", "comment_id": "e4sjxfx"}, {"question": "i believe i am a sociopath", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You might want to do a little research on personality disorders (sociopaths are one type, called antisocial personality disorder, along a spectrum of PDs). Usually that diagnosis is characterized by a lack of empathy in the extreme; does that sound like you? \n\nBetter yet, see a therapist or psychologist. What you\u2019re describing sounds very distressing for you and that warrants getting help, and perhaps he or she will be able to sort out the meaning and roots of your need for validation from a romantic interest. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7flapo", "comment_id": "dqcxhig"}, {"question": "How does anxiety make you feel, aside from what you would call your \"natural\" disposition?", "description": "By \"feel,\" I mean the way anxiety is affecting your perception of reality and your surroundings in general. For instance,\n\nIt takes a tremendous amount of focus and energy for me to even momentarily feel connected to my surroundings. I'll suddenly realize that there are trees surrounding me, beautiful clouds in the sky, the warmth of the sun. Because of this, I think I have anxiety to blame for this \"zoned-out\" feeling that I experience daily.\n\nI am asking for everyone else's feelings that they experience day-today, be it a face-value feeling like \"I feel like I think too fast,\" or \"My nervous tics cause me to lose my mind on a daily basis.\" The more detail, the better, however much any of you are willing to share!", "answer": "I'm on medication so I can't answer about how I currently feel with my anxiety but when my anxiety was at it's highest, I would say that I felt everything was falling apart/the world was going to end at all times.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "uja8n", "comment_id": "c4vzlvr"}, {"question": "Facing reality", "description": "Recently I\u2019ve come to terms with how messed up my head is and have promised myself I\u2019d work on that fully, rather than ignore it all with distractions such as attention/alcohol/drugs/etc and this is so much harder than I thought it would be. Since I\u2019m no longer running away from my issues I see them so much clearer and it\u2019s become so obvious to me how little sense of self or selves I have and the personality I thought I had and that people know me for is really just a mask I put on while running from my fears and past. I feel like I have to completely knock down every inch of myself and build myself back up to try and find a true happy me, which is super hard when I have little to no support system. Trying to get better is so much harder and scary than I ever expected I wish I could just erase my whole life and start over again ", "answer": "This sub is sometimes a mess but there has been so much positivity, progress, courageous sharing, and hard, helpful words lately. It's really wonderful to see and to know that people aren't just accepting the world as it feels in the moment. How beautiful it is. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7gz1ol", "comment_id": "dqn3579"}, {"question": "Getting back with an ex", "description": "At the end of last year I (25) was dating a girl  (22)for 4 months. We were never officially in a relationship. I was worried about starting a relationship with her or getting too close to her because I thought that I was going to move away from the city that we were living in. \n\nLast January we decided that it wasn't going anywhere and we ended it although we're still good friends.\n\nI ended up staying in the city that we live in. I've dated some other girls since then but none of them were as great she was. I often think that it was a big mistake letting her go because she's beautiful and kind and smart.\n\nWe've been speaking a bit more lately and I asked her if she'd like to meet up sometime so that we can catch up. I think that I'd like to give it another try with her. I dunno what she's thinking or why she agreed.\n\nAm I making a mistake? My friend told me that if I go back to her then it'll be like I'm settling only because I didn't find anyone who I clicked with more.", "answer": "seems like you liked her a lot and you may be more ready this time around. explore it!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzz8c", "comment_id": "dloxlyq"}, {"question": "72 hours in and almost no WD symptoms? IDK why, but here's what I've been doing...", "description": "So this is my 3rd day (technically this afternoon) but normally by this point I'd be in agony, and to tell you the truth I feel pretty ok. Some fatigue and a little woozy but I slept like a rock the first 2 nights and didn't have sweats or anything. I don't know why this is happening but I'm taking it as a blessing. I was using up to 50g a day for like 2 years (with a month break and some week long breaks in there) and I quit CT. I just thought I'd share what I've been taking in case that's the reason:\n\nGabapentin: like 900mg every 4 hours or so up to 3000-4000mg, more at night if needed, didn't really need it though.\n\nCannabis vape oil (distillate): this is a highly concentrated form of THC and I've been puffing on it pretty much non-stop. Also regular (high-grade) flower.\n\nClonazapam: I know, I know it's a benzo and they are evil, but honestly they are helping so much right now, and I don't plan on taking them after the first week or two. My dad is actually nursing them out for me, I take 1 mg once or twice a day (usually only once) I know how addictive they are so I'm keeping in mind that the feeling they give me is very temporary.\n\nMulti-vitamin with food: I've been eating more regularly (was basically annorexic when on k) and taking a men's multi once a day.\n\nMagnesium Glycinate: I had this leftover from a previous quit. I found It works best if you have something that you have to do (stimulating for me) \n\nRest: I took the week off of work, and the lack of stress worrying about going to work is making this almost anxiety-free. My boss is really cool too and told me if I need more time off that would be ok.\n\nMusic: I used to DJ (not professionally, but I did play a few festivals) and I picked up mixing tunes again, MUSIC IS INCREDIBLE AGAIN! It's mind-blowing how much beauty we sacrifice numbing ourselves with kratom. Im having a blast playing catch-up to finding all the good new music!\n\nMy family: As crazy as fuck as they are (Italian) I love them to death, and I've lost a lot of hostility I've been holding against them. Kratom made me very judgmental, like EVERYONE was obnoxious and i couldn't stand anyone. Not the case now, I actually enjoy the company of others.\n\nFriends: I hung out with my bestie and got really high, I've been neglecting her and it felt good to REALLY reconnect. I explained to her that I haven't been myself and I'm trying to be the person I want to be and she was so supportive. PEOPLE WANT TO HELP! All you have to do is reach out!\n\nVideo Games: This is a weird one cause I thought I was going to lose interest since it was my favorite \"getting high hobby\" turns out I enjoy them even more! Such a great way to pass the time, I loaded up Skyrim and have been enjoying that game more now that I'm clear headed. \n\nThat's all I can think of, I just wanted to express my gratitude to this community, you were all my inspiration to do this, so thank you! If anyone out there is struggling, please reach out, to me even, I'm happy to help. If you are scared to quit, I understand but just do it, you will find It's easier than you would think it would be!\n\nMuch love, \n\nitswhatyouwill", "answer": "What do you mean you don\u2019t know why? You\u2019re using three other powerful drugs to combat WD symptoms.", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "ehm2lv", "comment_id": "fck24f8"}, {"question": "Is it possible to internalize messages that aren't meant for you?", "description": "I'm a 35 yo male, currently in therapy with depression and social anixety, i have the most anxiety interacting with women due to being harased when i was 12, i think i'm wrongfully internalizing messages, i would never consider doing anything like harrasment or assualt, but when ever i hear or read about some guy doing that i feel sick to my stomach, like since i'm a guy, it's my fault. On an intelectual level, i know how wrong this line of thought is, but i feel what i feel. Should i just avoid anything like that? I plan on bringing this up with my therapist tommorow.", "answer": "To me it sounds like real empathy and having a natural reaction to the memories it bring up. You\u2019ve been in that situation of being harassed and know how painful and uncomfortable it is. When you see someone doing it to someone else it brings back the feelings you had when it was done to you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "es44ee", "comment_id": "ff8947r"}, {"question": "Unsure about delusions", "description": "My family say I\u2019m delusional which I can\u2019t see as being true, but constantly I\u2019ll have thoughts about how tv, movie, music are made for me or trying to send me a message this happens in real life as well with thinking my friends or family are doing things for a special reason directed towards me. \n\nI know these are all delusional thoughts and I understand that it\u2019s not true but I still constantly have them every day.\n\n", "answer": "By definition, delusions are firmly held beliefs that are fixed and very, very resistant to change.  People who are delusional do not believe they are delusional, refuse to listen to evidence that factually contradicts their beliefs, and are rarely, if ever, even open to the possibility that what they believe are wrong.  The strength/intensity of their beliefs is similar to that of you knowing your first name.  Awareness is key.  How do these beliefs impact your daily life, relationships, school/work, etc.?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "8k2tbt", "comment_id": "dzag26k"}, {"question": "Intermittent fasting for PCOS weight loss", "description": "For 3 years, I had been trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained without any obvious reason why. Exercising 2 hours/day + cutting calories wasn't working...changing my macros around, switching to a paleo diet, eating low carb high protein wasn't working...even keto didn't do anything. I only gained an additional 10 lbs, began losing my hair, and lost my cycle for the first time. And I am the epitome of an A+ dieter...no cheats, EVER. Then, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Cysts, no ovulation, and extremely high testosterone (212!). Then, I was diagnosed with \"low t3 syndrome,\" an uncommon version of hypothyroid that doesn't show up on that standard thyroid panel. (luckily, i did my own due diligence and brought my research to the doc, demanding the right tests). Anyway, I got put on armour thyroid, and even that did not make my weight budge, nor had the metformin I'd been on at that point for almost 6 months. As of yesterday, I'm back to my original weight of 130 lbs! Wanna know how?? Intermittent fasting!! (and ketogenic macros) In roughly 3 months, I've lost nearly 30 lbs...effortlessly. I eat 300-400 more calories than I was eating doing calorie restriction/keto (high FAT, NOT high protein, btw) alone, and as I continue to gradually increase, I'm still losing. I exercise 3 days a week, ALL weight training, an hour/day tops....which is far from what I was doing up until 4 months ago (a combo of zumba and high intensity interval training on the Arc Trainer elliptical 6-7 days/week, 1.5-2 hours/day). Insulin has been the culprit all along, as many of you probably already know. Intermittent fasting lowers insulin enough to where my body can actually utilize stored body fat. Amazing! Feel free to ask questions if you're interested.", "answer": "Hmm. I've read that intermittent fasting, while it might lower levels of circulating insulin simply because you aren't eating as often, actually worsens insulin resistance, which is one of the key underlying etiologies of PCOS. This is the same reason for why you cannot fast before an oral glucose challenge test (it may falsely show that you have insulin resistance if you do fast before the test).... so I would be careful about the sustainability of doing this long-term and the potential of further exacerbating your PCOS symptoms in the long run. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "48xkmf", "comment_id": "d0os8b7"}, {"question": "I had 25 days and it was getting wonderful", "description": "Then I thought I could have just one.  Turned into an all night most the next day disaster.  Now I am shaky and so depressed.  But now that I know how things were getting better and better during my 25 days, I know that is what I want! IWDWYT", "answer": "Maybe quit counting days. Sounds like you were focusing on what you had instead of what you were risking. Alcohol may be addictive and that addiction would lie to you and tell you that you gain something from drinking again. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "ai9ton", "comment_id": "eemfljc"}, {"question": "Realy in need of some help", "description": "First some back story, I'm now 28 and she is 39, she lives in Ireland and me in the UK (35 minute flight) we met on holiday 4 years ago and hit it off immediately, after 3 years of visiting each other we realised we had fallen in love and decided to try a long distance relationship and for a while everything was good but over the last few weeks I've started feeling that the distance thing isn't working and maybe the age gap is too large (11 years) but she can't move here and I can't realy move there so we are at a stalemate.\n\nFast forward to present day and we went on holiday (back to the place where we first met) and it was amazing, one of the best holidays of my life but afterwards I asked where was it going and what was happening in the future and we both kind of decided to break things off as it's maybe for the best.\n\nThing is that even though I brought it up and thought it was right it's eating me up inside, I find myself crying to myself (something I NEVER do) and thinking about her constantly, I feel I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I miss talking to her every day, I miss the fact that I know I will never see her again (she dosent think we can remain friends) and she just sent me the tickets for a concert we were meant to go to together here where I live and it killed me a little inside. I have never felt this low in my life and really don't know what to do with myself, I feel sick my head is pounding and I really don't know what to do and if I made a mistake, we ended on good terms but it's only been a few days and I miss her so much. It feels like I've not only lost my girlfriend but also my best friend.", "answer": "reconsider. talk to her about reconciling. she seems really special.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zm6mz", "comment_id": "dmwc4ks"}, {"question": "How to talk to a cute guy in my class?", "description": "There's this guy in my college class that I've noticed that keeps glancing at me from time to time. He is cute but I don't want to interpret it wrong and maybe he was looking at something else. I have two classes with him and I noticed he turns his body in my direction but sometimes he's not directly looking at me, but sometimes he is. I want to talk to him but I have no idea what to say. I'm also socially awkward and have no experience with guys at all.", "answer": "Simple.  Say hi.  Ask a question that requires more than a yes or no answer.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "f2a27m", "comment_id": "fhbhrcz"}, {"question": "today a co-worker said that i look real sad", "description": "\"no no, im just lost in my thoughts haha\"", "answer": "Yesterday at work I said something along the lines of \u201cwhen I don\u2019t get enough sleep I get REALLY crabby\u201d and someone laughed and said \u201cYOU get crabby?? I CANNOT picture you even remotely crabby!\u201d This same person also laughed in disbelief when I said I was very introverted.\n\nHigh functioning dysthymia - where you\u2019re always exhausted and numb but no one believes your pain! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "91fiih", "comment_id": "e2y7wvp"}, {"question": "(NEED ADVICE) ADHD - lack of focus/motivation & depressed. Tried WB/Concerta/Ritalin", "description": "Hello,\n\nI always had big problems focussing or remembering things in school/university. I guess the only reason I was able to pass them was being smart and making up for it. But as long as I can remember I have a super hard time focussing even only for 15minutes. \n\nGet easily distracted, sidetracked. Impulsive, hard to motivate, to get going and stay in one task. Its impossible. Im 32 now. Back then nobody ever thought of getting me diagnosed. \n\nWell so far I've been diagnosed now with ADHD - still not finding the right help tho. \n\nI tried Wellbutrin (helped a bit with motivation & focus but only a bit)\nRitalin (helped a bit but made me feel weird and addicted and always gave me headaches / crashes)\nConcerta (also headaches and had less effect then the Ritalin 10mg RX) \n\nI feel a bit lost. I would like to try Adderall, because I see it seems to be the best choice for more people, but in my country it isnt available. \n\nMy doc says we can still try Strattera, but I see very bad reviews (5.2/10) average on drugs.com. So what Im asking here I guess is, if anyone has same experiences and could maybe point me into the right direction or give me a tip whast to do/try.\n\nThank you\n\n\nEDIT: WORST PART - im always SUPER lethargic and tired. Never full of energy. NEVER. I dont know when last time I woke up and thought \"yeah im full of energy\". Like literally not in 20years. ", "answer": "Hey! I just got diagnosed last week (I'm 28). I wanted to start on Concerta, but my insurance said they don't cover stimulants for anyone over age 17, so I started on Strattera.\n\nI just wanted to offer that I'm doing alright on it after a week. There are some side effects, and I'm patiently waiting it out. If you're out of options, it might be the way to go if your doctor recommends it. Be aware, though, that it has showed an increased risk of depression in adolescents. This doesn't necessarily mean it will make that worse for you, but it's something to be aware of.\n\nRead through the experiences of others on this subreddit to see if you think it might be worth a shot. It sounds like, though, that you'd be willing to try anything at this point, so don't be too discouraged about the 5.2/10 rating on drugs.com. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7x8ue5", "comment_id": "du6r64v"}, {"question": "Male, (26) Girlfriend, (24) and her family constantly bring me down and make me feel worthless. What should I do? Help me, good folk!", "description": "I have been with my girlfriend for a year and 7 months now. I've met with her parents a few times during the holidays and they were nice to me. I get along with her brother and sister, too. The problem is, they will trash talk about me as soon as I am out of their sight. Is this normal? I mean they always send me positive signals whenever I spend time with them. I understand her family wants nothing but the best for her. Which family doesn't want that.  They always criticize and look down on me behind my back. I know they do this because I've seen and heard firsthand her famiky talk crap about other people while spending time with them.  Her family comes from a good background and upbringing. I'm just a guy from a poverty-stricken, broken, dysfunctional family. I can understand why her family disdain me so behind my back, but why the hypocrisy though? This happens every time I have a problem and ask for opinions and suggestions from my girlfriend. I like asking for her advice but the problem is she will blurt everything out to her family at dinner time. Then that's where shit hits the fan. Her whole family (except her brother) will roast me to their heart's content, saying I'm a good for nothing, useless, worthless, can't take care of anything, no future, etc. I know this because my girlfriend will then side with them and will join in the roasting, undermining fiesta and tell me everything what her family said about me. Is it normal for a girlfriend to tell her parents every single problem her boyfriend is going through? I have a job but the pay is not that good. I barely have enough savings to pay for the car expenses and the rent. Here's a situation, I've been thinking of selling my car because I need to pay my college graduation fee before this October 30. So I asked her what's her opinion on this. She went straight to her family and they said I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to think for himself let alone do anything right. Even worse, her mom asked her to just dump me. She then came back to me and got mad at me for not being able to do what she and her family expect. I think her family is a collective type of people who thinks money is everything and happiness is non-existent without it. I'm starting to feel of breaking free from this madness called relationship. What should I do, people? Please help. I am at my wits end.", "answer": "she's a bad disrespectful spoiled brat girlfriend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7813dx", "comment_id": "doq5imv"}, {"question": "Tips on Quitting?", "description": "Long story short: I work in the service industry, clock out around 4am, go home and drink alone until the next morning when I wake up with a terrible hangover just to do it all again. It's been a rut that's turned into 10 years but, no matter how much I hate it, I just keep doing it. I live in a very alcohol heavy small town (hell, I'm a bartender); and when I get home, I just feel this combination of loneliness, coffee, and boredom- there's nothing to do but drink. I don't drink at work so there is some self control there but this weird mix of loneliness and miller lite is putting a hamper on my day to day happiness. There's a tipping point: that first beer I have with coworkers at closing leads to another and another and then I'm 12 deep; but I come from a Polish-alcoholic family and I don't want my current trend digress. Any tips on what to do? I can't escape alcohol cause it literally pays my bills but I feel trapped. ", "answer": "I stopped drinking by going to an AA meeting every day. I didn\u2019t expect it to help but it did. Many places have early morning meetings. There may be one in your town. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m08j7", "comment_id": "dzjtsqn"}, {"question": "There is officially 100,000 subscribers now.", "description": "It's really great seeing this community grow. 40k since I joined a year ago. Sober on!", "answer": "Wohoo!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7x6dz5", "comment_id": "du5zuj8"}, {"question": "Who has tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Anxiety? What were your results?", "description": "I started CBT about 5 months ago. I read Feeling Good by David Burns cover to cover, and committed to thought journaling and reducing my cognitive distortions (the thinking patterns that cause anxiety).\n\nI've had great success. 5 months ago I fainted from a panic attack at work. I was having several panic attack per day, and my muscles were tense constantly.\n\nI still have mild anxiety, but it gets better every day. I have fewer than 1 panic attack per week now.\n\nSo I'm curious, have you tried CBT, and what were your results?\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Edit\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nFor those who asked for a basic description of CBT, here's a quick video to explain it.\n\n[https://youtu.be/bUihQ1b4PxU](https://youtu.be/bUihQ1b4PxU)", "answer": "Most therapists who say they do CBT do not.  CBT is a very specific, regimented intervention.  Almost all therapists draw from CBT, however.  \n\nCBT is great for some, but it\u2019s much more important that the intervention feels good to the person getting help.  There are many ways to help a person, and it\u2019s rare that one will be a fit for most people. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "98cois", "comment_id": "e4furnl"}, {"question": "First time I've been depressed", "description": "So as university progresses in my 2nd year, me living off campus, I'm getting more and more depressed.\n\nI have financial issues, family members that have had severe medical problems, discontent in my course choices, my long distance relationship girlfriend is being as supportive as she can but I feel like I keep bringing her down and I don't know what to do.\n\nToday is the first time in my life I've had suicidal thoughts and no motivation. I used to play violin for hours everyday, I'm a musician, I used to go to the gym every other day to keep healthy, I used to play games for fun. Everything seems like a chore, even cooking, I often won't eat until 11pm, it's already around 520 and I haven't eaten anything today.\n\nI'm just depressed and the usual activities I do to cope with it, I've lost all motivation for. I just feel like laying in my bed all day, to rot, because I'm worthless. And I feel like doing self harm, but I know it won't help me at all", "answer": "Sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time: sounds like your depression has really sapped out your interest and energy for the things you enjoy in life. \n\nYou say that you are in your 2nd year of university, and that's great! Having the motivation to go study what you enjoy is a strength you have, as well as having what seems like a plethora of enjoyable and healthy hobbies. \n\nDoes your university have a counseling center? Now seems like the best time to reach out for some support. Additionally, most university counseling centers offer their services absolutely free (you pay for it with your tuition), so there's a bit of a load off your financial back.\n\nBeing depressed for the first time can be really scary, especially if it doesn't resolve itself on it's own. Often times you blame yourself, and it becomes a cycle of increasing feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of energy. Now is the best time for you to reach out. \n\nHoping the best for you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5114e4", "comment_id": "d78h6i2"}, {"question": "Calling all married Redditors", "description": "I am getting married on Saturday, and I'm trying to reach out to the married couples/people that I know for advice. If you had to pick the best piece of advice for a newly married couple, what would it be? ", "answer": "Alway assume the other person has the best intentions. Let the small stuff go. Never stop being considerate or doing small gestures \"just because.\" Check in with your partner every few months to see if they are getting what they need emotionally/physically from you. Always say thank you and show appreciation-- especially for the small stuff. Never bad mouth your partner or make them feel small in public. Be one team against the world. You deal with your relatives and they deal with their relatives, and butt out of it for the rest. Never bad talk their relatives no matter how fucked up they are.  Many people make the mistake of trying to fix their partner's problems when the partner just wants a kind ear or vice versa When you're unsure, ask. Repeat back to your partner what you think they are asking of you-- you will often times find that you had it wrong at first. When you are wrong, admit it and apologize. When your partner is wrong don't keep harping on it or holding it over their head. \n\nDon't bring past fights into new fights. Both people in an argument can be \"right\", there doesn't have to be someone who is wrong. Figure out how your partner wants to be loved (love language) and do things that will make them happy. Find out what is important to your partner and make sure you respect that/cultivate an interest in that. Share chores and responsibilities and money. Don't be stingy with affection and don't keep accounts of wrongs done. Don't withhold affection as \"punishment\" for misdeeds. Put each other first. \n\nIf you find yourself with a wandering eye or waning affection, get help immediately-- too many couples treat therapy as a last ditch life support effort for their relationship instead of as routine preventative care. Don't assume that things won't change-- attractions, interests, responsibilities, health, etc. will change over the years-- discuss preemptively how you will deal with those things. \n\nNever treat your partner with contempt, that is the death knell of a relationship. Don't just float through marriage thinking things will take care of themselves-- everything in life needs regular maintenance. Make time for each other, especially during those moments when time is the hardest to find because that's when you'll need it the most.\n\n/a marriage therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2dl040", "comment_id": "cjqp6ew"}, {"question": "My SO (31/M) doesn't want to live with me (30/F); is this potentially a red flag?", "description": "Been with my boyfriend for two years as of yesterday. We met at work (still work together) and when we started dating he was going through a divorce. They were not married for very long but they dated and quickly moved in together and then were engaged within a year. Lots of fights about money during their marriage and then she decided to leave him after about two years or so. \n\nFrom our first date, we were basically exclusive and knew it would be something serious. In a lot of ways, his divorce has never impacted us. He has never been distant or seems like he needed space or had insecurities about me because of his ex. He has always told me we were something long term.\n\nHowever, I find that we never discuss the future as it regards to us as a couple. He will either talk about super far off events, like our retirement, or closer events, like a trip a few months out. But we don't talk about moving in or marriage (and to be clear, I don't want to get married right now but I am more using it as an example since it is a pretty commonplace conversation). I have mentioned wanting to live together and he has expressed that it worries him because of his past bad experiences. This was a few months ago. \n\nHis lease will be up soon so instead of badgering him about it I figure I will let him bring it up when it is time for him to decide on signing for another year. But institutionally, I think he will not want to live together. Part of me can see that some of these actions are him being gun shy from the divorce, especially since he had no time on his own after it was over and I want to be supportive of that. I know a lot of people say they are more cautious and move slower in their next relationship. And if it really is just that I could wait another year to live together. \n\nBut another side of me can't help but wonder if I am holding on for something that really has to do with me. I know he loves and cares for me but maybe something in him doesn't want to move forward with me specifically. We already spend five nights a week together and I wonder if he isn't ready to live with me by now, would more time really make a difference? I feel like he did everything for the ex wife-moved her in, married her, moved to another state so she could be with her family, bought her a dog, etc etc and here we are at two years with no real progress. I can't help but to take it personally and I am not sure if I should or if I am just being overly sensitive. \n\nDoes this sound like it is something I should worry about or just a guy taking his time after a bad experience? And I know people will tell me to talk to him, and I plan to once he makes his decision about the lease because I feel like that is a good lead in. Right now, I am just looking for some objective opinions. \n\nThank you!", "answer": "if you want the next level and he doesn't, that's a problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zcd3h", "comment_id": "dex2mnh"}, {"question": "Understanding emetophobia", "description": "Hi there! I'm a clinical psychology PhD candidate researcher at the University of Pennsylvania and Penn State College of Medicine. I study eating disorders in populations that are usually overlooked by traditional eating disorder researchers. In my clinical work, I have treated adults and kids with severe, disabling emetophobia and seen how this disorder can affect people, but as you probably know, there\u2019s a lack of research on this disorder.\nWith my colleague Andrea Rigby (AndreaRG) at Penn State, I\u2019m developing a new questionnaire to measure thoughts and feelings linked to emetophobia. Our ultimate goal in developing this questionnaire is to identify thoughts and behaviors that maintain this fear and that could be targeted in exposure-based psychotherapy. You don\u2019t have to have emetophobia to take the survey, but if you do, we are extremely interested in your feedback on our questions.\n\nHere\u2019s the link to our survey: https://pennstate.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_78mEzlDnGPyjFAx\nContent warning for the survey: There are no graphic descriptions, but the items do ask about situations and experiences that people with emetophobia find really frightening and upsetting. The words v**** and n*******, and the phrase s****** v**** are used throughout. \n\nThis is a voluntary research study; there is no compensation or direct benefit. Your responses will be completely anonymous. Responses to the survey will not be linked to your Reddit username, and you will not be asked to provide any identifying information.\n\nIt should take about 30-45 minutes to answer all the questions; if you decide to give us feedback within the survey, it will take longer. If you have any questions about the survey, about emetophobia, or about eating concerns, or anything that you\u2019d like to ask privately, please feel free to email me at zickgraf@sas.upenn.edu, or message me on Reddit. I\u2019ll also try to monitor this thread and respond to any questions or comments here. Legally, I can\u2019t give clinical or medical advice, but I can point you towards helpful resources and strategies, and answer questions about how emetophobia treatment works!\nThank you in advance for your help!\nHana Zickgraf\n\n\nETA: More accurate estimate of survey time. It's longer than we anticipated, so thanks again to anyone willing to take the time!\n", "answer": "Hi fellow future psychologist! I\u2019m currently in a PsyD program. Just took the survey!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7z7az9", "comment_id": "dvjfire"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [21M] keeps going to his family with our problems", "description": "Recently we have been having difficulties with our relationship because of me I'll admit. I see him do certain things that just causes him problems (he get mad at his dog when the dog messes up the house so he refuses to take it to the park and in turn the dog keeps all that energy and destroys more things. The dog is on Prozac and NEEDS to go out and run, not stay in an apartment, he's always late for everything because he just has no time management skills and I try to tell him what to do so this doesn't keep being a problem etc.) so he tells his family and in turn his mom persistently messages me and bothers me about it.\nI tell him that this bothers me because it's just going to make the situation so messy. When I tell him it bothers me he says \"well I just don't know what to tell you because they're my family I talk to them about this kind of stuff it's something we do.\" I get that it's his support system and that his friends just won't help him with stuff like this but he doesn't seem to get what the problem is.\nIn my family we do talk about our problems but my mom and dad have always just resolved things between themselves. Is it bad for me to ask him not to talk about problems between us with his mom dad and step mom? \n\nTldr: boyfriend keeps talking about his problems with his family and his mom gets involved and I don't think it's ok.", "answer": "you're right. he needs to grow up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vltj", "comment_id": "do1g3la"}, {"question": "I just need advice..[f,23] (conflicted)", "description": "I recently tried anal with my boyfriend and we both enjoyed it and have used a butt plug as well. I asked him to use the butt plug and my small vibrator on me at the same time and of course I wanted to have sex as well. He flat out said no and gave me no reason why. Am I asking too much?? Is it too weird?? I still wanna try it and I even wanna be hand cuffed and blind folded but I don't think it'll ever be more than a fantasy...", "answer": "\"Hey, I'm sorry if I pushed there, but you just shut down and it's freaking me out. Can we talk about what's happening?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dy81r", "comment_id": "di6bcqv"}, {"question": "Adult reading resources", "description": "Hey guys, my mom has always been embarrassed talking and reading in front of people because she has a hard time formulating the correct sounds. I've been trying to find books and websites for her to use to help her phonics, but every source seems to be for children. I don't want her to feel like a child when she's reading these books. I'm just looking for any help in finding resources for adults to grow their reading skills. Please help if you can! ", "answer": "Consider having her screened for dyslexia.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7nokh8", "comment_id": "ds3jxh3"}, {"question": "My fiance has waited for my divorce to be final. It happened today. He accused me of filing fake papers.", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I had a rocky start.  We have been much better these days. However, he is paranoid.  Chronically paranoid.\n\nMy divorce has taken 3 years to finish and today was the final day.  It\u2019s done.  I didn\u2019t go to court, my ex did, since it was uncontested at that point.  We have done a lot of mediation to get here.\n\nI have been telling my fianc\u00e9 that it\u2019s done \u2014 almost done \u2014 getting done \u2014 for awhile.  My ex\u2019s lawyers were slow and no one was in a hurry because there really wasn\u2019t any money at stake.  It was indeed driving me crazy too.\n\nSo I stopped promising and just texted my fianc\u00e9 today and said \u201cit\u2019s finally done.  My ex just left the court.  I\u2019m officially divorced\u201d\n\nHe said \u201coh,  yah.  Good to know.\u201d  He said he was going to be calling the court for a certified copy.  He admitted to me last month that he called the court weekly to see what was or was not happening with the divorce.\n\nThen about an hour after this \u2014 he was leaving the house and he called and said some cops were in the cul da sac talking in their cars.\n\nHe said your location wasn\u2019t working on your iPhone well today,  cops in the cul da sac and your ex was at court.\n\nWhat\u2019s really going on here?  Did you or he try to put a restraining order on me?\n\nI said OMG.  Are you kidding me right now?  He said anything is possible with me.  (I did put a restraining order on him in the first year we were together because he had a temper and was threatening me.  But we obviously worked things out).\n\nBut I was just like\u2026.wow.  I take 10 steps forward and 22 back\u2026when he talks like this to me.\n\nI am about to head home and I\u2019m not in a good frame of mind.  I am actually sad about the divorce.  I have a son and it really does hurt.  \n\nI can\u2019t talk to my fianc\u00e9 about that.  But it\u2019s tough.  My ex is now nice to me and we are good parents.  But, I am sad to say the least.  I feel a lot of regret.\n\nIs any of this and/or my feelings normal?\n\n", "answer": "impossible to have a healthy rel. with someone like him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yi4d3", "comment_id": "dmnj8w7"}, {"question": "Numb", "description": "Just got out of a lengthy and rough episode. Now instead of being actively sad/suicidal it\u2019s passive. I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m suppressing my emotions, or dealing with them. I still think very negatively, but it doesn\u2019t bother me. Guess I\u2019m numb and empty, which is better than depressed and broken. \n\nFirst time poster, big fan of this sub.", "answer": "I feel you.  The same thing just happened to me actually.  Went through a really rough phase and was feeling empty for a few weeks.   But now I\u2019m starting to perk up.  Maybe you need some time for your brain to adjust.   Try doing things that you enjoy and lots of self care.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9tnja4", "comment_id": "e8xmz5v"}, {"question": "Does anyone here work with addicts?", "description": "I'm a 23 year old female, I've have been using for 8 years. \n\n\nI don't know where else to ask or post to, but I have a question regarding subutex because i know no doctors are going to believe me. \n  Everytime I've waited 24+ hours I never have taken it before that and I have only taken them a few times in my life (because of this) but I'm really trying to get sober so I decided to try to get on them and get help. You have to wait 48 hours before they'll dose you where I go, amd since it was a weekend I did nothing all Saturday and all sunday. \n    When I got dosed, my skin got really really hot, and I started feeling even worse than the Saturday and Sunday combined, and I know it doesn't sound right and it isn't right but every single time I have tried to do this, this happens and they just think that I'm lying about not using. I really didn't use for the 2 days and I was proud too but then to take the little 8mg strip and start to withdrawal doesn't make any sense they make you wait 2 days so they know for sure it's all out of your system for sure. \n    So I don't know, has anyone else either dealt with this or know what could be happening? Other options that wouldn't do this other than methadone? I don't know the full difference between suboxone strips and the subutex pills or if the same thing would happen trying to get on those, but sense they don't believe that I didn't use I have to wait another 2 days and I guess just hope that it won't be the same.. I'm not sure what to do honestly I just want to get better and be better.", "answer": "The time depends on what you use, which you haven't specified. When you first take Suboxone, you need to be feeling like you are already in withdrawal. Not the worst possible withdrawal, but you need to already be quite uncomfortable or the Suboxone will make you be in withdrawal and uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frrru8", "comment_id": "fly3f9c"}, {"question": "SO BORED!", "description": "I'm going crazy because NOTHING is interesting me. It's been like this for days and I don't know what to do. I have over 20 video games and I can only stand to play 1 for a few minutes before I become overwhelmed with boredom. I don't want to be creative. I don't want to listen to music. I don't want to scroll through Facebook or Reddit.\n\nI just don't know what to do!\n\nI am really hungry though, no matter how much I eat.\n\nWhat is going on??? Anyone else know what this feels like? I'm going crazy.", "answer": "Read a book", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8tmmzc", "comment_id": "e18pj7y"}, {"question": "Thanksgiving food suggestions?", "description": "I know thanksgiving is probably a lot of our least favorite holiday, but I was wondering if anyone has a favorite thanksgiving food or something they like to eat on thanksgiving? \n\nMy family regularly has Mac and cheese with our dinner as that is all I will eat but I\u2019m really really trying to expand my food and would be willing to try a new food at thanksgiving (just not turkey, I\u2019ve tried it and can\u2019t)", "answer": "Mashed potatoes for me.", "topic": "ARFID", "post_id": "e1ok31", "comment_id": "f8qwcrx"}, {"question": "Tips please <3", "description": "Has anyone got any handy tips to get me started tomorrow? I'm a binge/less often purge person so I put weight on when my bulimia is at it's worst. I can binge 12+ times a week and purge maybe only 4. So the calories add up and I gain weight and feel terrible. I'm concerned I'm on the brink of diabetes. I did really well last year and this with the fear of having to fit into a wedding dress losing 4 stone and controlling my urges. \n\nBut now that that's done my weight has started going up and I'm B/Ping every day sometimes multiple times. I've got no control over it again and tell myself every day \"tomorrow is the day\" for getting back on it.\n\nDesperately seeking tips from those in remission please!!", "answer": "I\u2019d say calling your therapist and remember that a healthy bride is better than a size 00 bride.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "chc8mr", "comment_id": "eurhzxi"}, {"question": "[28/m] left by the love of my life [23/f], advice needed.", "description": "Throwaway account.\n\nAbout 3 weeks ago the girl I wanted to marry broke up with me. Reasons given were my mental absence and lack of attention. She isn't wrong. I've felt some unexplained melancholy for a few months, but nothing I ever perceived as relationship-ending.\n\n\nLooking back I realize what I did wrong, but she won't acknowledge that someone my age is capable of change. I've seen her twice and talked to her a few times since the break up and she's been uncharacteristically cold and void of emotion, except for telling me she still loves me and will always care for me, however won't give me another chance.\n\nShe will be traveling out of the country for 3 months tomorrow and there's a good chance I will never see her again unless I try to. I intend to continue the plans we had and also move out of the country soon.\n\nI am completely heartbroken and have no direction to follow right now. I was going to propose in September. My world is shattered and I'm currently incapable of imagining life without her.\n\nThank you for reading, any advice is appreciated.", "answer": "very sad. surround yourself with people who love you and keep busy doing things you love.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6i6l87", "comment_id": "dj3tng1"}, {"question": "How do I stop getting angry about the past?", "description": "People have told me to forgive and just move on but it\u2019s so hard. I\u2019ve gotten better, but sometimes something reminds me of it and I get angry all over again. How do I move on from something that still affects me. I used to be confident and overall a good spirited person and then when I was betrayed, my confidence went straight to shit and I\u2019m such an angry and bitter person now. I hate it so much and I want to move on but I don\u2019t know how.\n\nEdit: Wow, I didn\u2019t expect so many responses but I just want to thank every single one of you for your comments because I feel a lot more at ease and hopeful. Thank you so so much \u2764\ufe0f", "answer": "Our brains are wired to remember negative events more strongly. \n\nFlip the script for a moment - can you tell us about some of your strengths? What's going good for you right now? What/who are you thankful for?\n\nTake some time to reflect on the positive stuff too. It won't make the bad thoughts go away. But it's important in these moments to remember *who you are*. You are not your past. Who are you now? Who do you want to be?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ghri8k", "comment_id": "fqbdbu2"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I think it's good practice to give a quick greeting in passing to just about anyone so long as they make eye contact, even strangers.  \n\n\nIt may be anxiety producing at first but will work wonders in helping you overcome social anxiety.  On top of that, if you ever wanted to spark up a conversation with anyone, it's much easier after they've seen you around and you've greeted them, even if it's just a quick \"hello\"  \"good morning\" \"hey, what's up?\" \n\nSome folks may find this off putting, but honestly, that's just usually because they're jealous of your confidence to do this or their own social anxiety is getting the best of them.  More often than not, people will just see you as being polite, friendly, and confident.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7qb1w", "comment_id": "ec4zlbs"}, {"question": "Final update to the random text.", "description": "Thank you all so much for your opinions. The vocal majority of you were correct. I can't trust her being here if I'm 5 hours away. So I'm done. I told her that exact thing and she took it about as I expected her to take it. I think it's time for a drink.\n\nThank you all again for your insight. It's been a shit day, so thanks for having my back.\n\n-rwpctech", "answer": "Good choice", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1jzu8l", "comment_id": "cbjzohi"}, {"question": "Something is wrong with me and I can't figure it out (mental health, biological problem potentially)", "description": " In the most basic of senses I can say that my problem is a mixture of a mental health and something I THINK is a biological problem. I have different things that have happened to me in the past 5-6 months I dont know if they are connected or not but have been making my mental health worst and worst. I have seen my doctor three times on the matter and have found nothing physically wrong with me. But, there is something wrong. I have never had a history of mental health problems, not allergic to anything, never took medications, hell never even broken a bone in my body. But during the summer something in me began to change for the worst. While I was in vegas in august my sense of smell got considerably worst, Id say cut in half in terms of how well I was able to smell. I found it strange, but i shrugged it off, thinking that it would fix itself eventually. about a month after that, is when it really got bad. I went to a bar with my friend on a weekend, got pretty drunk, but the next morning I woke up feeling very dizzy and completely out of it. I was not hung over, I have had plenty of hangovers in my life and this felt nothing like it. My vision was slightly blurry and when I would turn my head sort of quickly my vision would be slightly double. I was still me but my emotions felt very stonelike. This lasted for half the day and then went away ( I realize this sounds exactly like a hangover, but believe me I didn't drink anywhere near the amount that it take to give me a hangover the night before ). two days later I woke up feeling the same way and this time it didn't go away. From when I woke up to when I went to sleep every day for a week I felt this way. I saw my doctor as I was terrified I had some terrible disease like brain cancer or something like that, but after a full round of blood tests and urine tests were done with a full physical she found nothing. I saw her a second time a week later because the symptoms were still effecting me, this time she sent me to get an MRI, and ofcourse, they found nothing. After this I saw her one more time on the matter to which she had nothing more to add. By this time the dizziness faded but I still felt INCREDIBLY weird. I was still me, my memory was still there, I would still laugh at things but I felt as if I was slightly in a dream. While this whole thing happened I ended up dropping my classes for the semester and ended up working for my dad which at first was agonizing because I was working as a low voltage electrician ( I had worked for him in the past and I knew what I was doing ) and this recent problem had basically turned me upside down psychologically, plus I still felt physically strange, like I was 10% numb in my body, extremely weird sensation, almost as if I was on a light amount of a pain killer. But eventually I got used to working with it and I ended up kind of feeling kinda normal for the month that I worked there. After the job was finished I've been at my parents house not really doing much, and within the past week i've been feeling physically strange again, like heavily strange. I've partially got the dizziness back and the weird numbing sensation like i'm on pain pills. This has effected me TREMENDOUSLY psychologically, because of all this i've been feeling very very detatched from reality, i've had constant anxiety and stress ( for the first time in my life while going through this i've had a panic attack, if you know me you know that I am always the calm and collected type and im very good at controlling my anxiety levels, but whatever this is is really hitting me hard). I feel like i'm going insane sometimes and frankly the thought of having to deal with this for the rest of my life is making me have bad thoughts. Though I'd absolutely never commit suicide because of my view on suicide, all I can think about is release from whatever this is. I tried talking to my parents about this and at first they brushed it off, then they got worried, but after the MRI and the blood tests turned nothing up they brushed me off saying it was all in my head. I strongly believe that there is something biologically going on here, I've been depressed in the past and have had really bad anxiety before when I was younger, but I've never felt the sensations I've been going through for the past 4 months before in my life. I'm absolutely terrified that this will never end. I am a 22 year old man who very rarely sheds a tear over anything, but last night I cried my eyes out in my bed because of how scared I am. I just need help and I feel like I'm not getting it from my doctor, I feel like she doesn't really understand that I am going through something. This has completely halted my life in every way possible. I was going to school and working and was set on a good path. But since this has started it's been constantly on my mind. To be completely honest I have messed around with drugs in my life. I normally don't ever bring this up but in this case I want to put everything on the table. I have never abused any drug in my life, merely sampled. The only one I have abused was marijuana in the past but I smoke it far and few between now adays. I have taken shrooms on multiple occasions but I spread them out to once maybe twice a year. I have also dabbled in ecstasy in the past when I would go to clubs but would maybe do it 3 or 4 times within a year for two years or so. A month before the smelling issue came to light for me ( which still hasn't gotten better) I was at a major EDM event and I had taken 4 pressed pills within two days. I was fried, and frankly I swore off every doing molly or ecstasy after that ever again. I don't know if this has anything to do with what is affecting me now but like I said I want to throw everything out there. Honestly I just want to return to normality. I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions since this had begun. I have been trying to brush it all off, saying that it will go away eventually if I just don't pay attention to it and try to live my life normally, but I can't, it is always there in the back of my mind nagging at me. Yesterday I just tried to come to terms that this is my life now and that I need to get used to it. But I don't think I can. \nP.S. if you read all this then you are a champ and I thank you. This is a cry for help but also a way to vent. I just need others opinions on this. Thank you!", "answer": "Honestly, I struggled to read that wall of text!\n\nThe doc seems to have ruled out any major pathology. I suspect that your stress/distress levels are through the roof! Maybe if you can get that under control you might start to feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5idq3h", "comment_id": "db7i5ym"}, {"question": "She [22/f] is depressed and I [22/m] don't know what to do", "description": "I [22/m] am a college student and the only source of income making 15k/yr with no savings and my girlfriend [22/f] who has a bachelors degree is currently supporting us with her savings, which is safe to say substantially more than mine. She recently quit her last job because of reasons and now she is in between jobs. For the past couple weeks she has been sleepy and sad, watching lots of tv and reading. We have gone out to do some things and she really enjoys her time. Our sex is great and we enjoy living with each other with little bickering throughout the day. We don't fight too much.  However, when I try to talk to her about looking for a job or a few other serious conversations, she shuts down and gets mad at me. I have a temper that is hard to keep down sometimes, but for all that I remained fairly calm. She has a hard time hearing what she doesn't want to hear. She asked me two weeks ago to not talk to her about looking for a job, and for these weeks I haven't until today when I mentioned that I haven't said anything for this time (which is always a sure way to make someone have feelings). Today she asked me to leave her alone so I have. \n\nI have struggled with major depression for some years and it has been difficult. When we first moved into our new apartment at the beginning of the year, tension was high and she had an anxiety attack. I was upset and slammed my head on a doorframe...which made blood pour down my face...which of course didn't make things better. I am now seeing a therapist.\n\nHer mom died from cancer a few years ago, and even before that, was thoroughly bullied in middle school and has had anxiety issues since then.\n\nI am not mad at her and do not wish to be mean, but I'm worried about the money she has and using it to pay for so much of everything. I contribute nearly 100% of the money I make, but where we live is expensive, and even with a third roommate in the apartment, I still couldn't afford to live in it with out her. I want her to do well and not spend too much savings on us living together.\n\nPlease help. I don't know what to do. I love her so so much.", "answer": "she should see a therapist too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vkzgj", "comment_id": "de2wnp0"}, {"question": "How to deal with well-meaning friends that think you can drink?", "description": "When I talk to a lot of friends family etc I get a lot of \u201cyou don\u2019t have to totally quit, everything is fine in moderation, you\u2019re not even that bad, etc\u201d. I\u2019m not sure why. I think it\u2019s part that they might be pretty bad too and are in sort of a denial about how bad drinking is in general. Also for some of them they might not know how bad this stuff impacts me. And for some they don\u2019t realize how mad I get at myself when I do it. They think I could just go out, have a few, have a good time and then move on the next day whereas my drinking is hardly ever like that. But it\u2019s tempting to believe them and want to give it a shot. To want to believe that I can drink socially and enjoy it and not overdo it. Any advice for getting that idea out of my head and not letting these people sway me? To better focus on enjoying my day and being social even if it doesn\u2019t involve alcohol?", "answer": "I explained it to the people I\u2019m close to. I told them about what my relationship with alcohol was really like and how miserable it made me.  Once they understood that, everyone has been really supportive.  The way I see it, if I care enough about someone to choose to spend time with them, I care enough to give them the full story about my drinking. \n\nI don\u2019t really spend much time with acquaintances anymore, because they were really all just drinking buddies.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dk7qqx", "comment_id": "f4g40tp"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I do :)\n\nI have to admit, after medication I became a better psychologist. But I did it without medication well anyway. The only thing it really I pacts is my ability to follow the whole conversation, not just aspects. On meds I can remember what they've said, notice their affect, do something with it all and reflect it in a way that makes sense.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ij8jl4", "comment_id": "g3c3uq1"}, {"question": "[27/m] in a normal marriage?", "description": "Trying to figure out if this is normal behavior. My first thought is no.  I'm going to keep this short.\n\nMarried for 4 years. \n\nI'm a guy and compared to women, I forget things or don't do things \"correctly\". I also don't have certain things at the top of my priority list as women do.  So, inevitably due to this husbands and wives get into arguments, and I understand arguments happen. I would like to know how a normal argument happens.\n\nIn my situation, my wife will get so irate she curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.\n\nI'm not a yeller, so most of the time I sit there and shut down because I'm pissed about the disrespect that is taking place.\n\nQuestion 1: (a)How often do you get into major(yelling/cursing/name calling) fights? (b) Do you both yell, or just one side?\n\nQuestion 2: When your wife gets upset over something, ei: not meeting her emotional needs or being on the same page, is it normal for her to berate you with names/cursing/yelling?\n\nQuestion 3: Has your wife ever hit you? or hit you with something?", "answer": "curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.\n\nall are emotional abuse and should never happen. go to counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u5lip", "comment_id": "dlq8hpw"}, {"question": "I am worried that my roommate will kill himself soon and I am not sure what to do.", "description": "I'm not asking for advice on how to deal with a depressed person. Been there and done that with this guy a million times over. I've known him for 4 years and lived with him for 2, most of which he has been depressed. **I'm asking for advice on how to deal with someone who might kill himself in the next month or two. **\n\nAt one point he quit his job on a whim. That, and a few other behavioral changes indicated to me that he was in the \"danger zone\" and might kill himself soon, like within that month. I got a bunch of friends to sit down and speak with him. He said he benefitted from that. Knowing people cared made a difference, and while he revealed that he did have a suicide plan, having a group of friends instead of just me talking to him about it gave him a push to get another job and start making some improvements.\n\nHe's slumped back though, and while he still has his new job and he meets routinely with the same group of friends to talk about stuff, his behavior has slipped into \"danger zone\" again. Not only that but our lease ends soon and he made clear he wants to move out and live on his own. We can never get him to come hang out. If he were to live alone he would barely ever see people, and that doesn't seem safe given the state he is in.\n\nI don't expect that he would have a huge manic breakdown that would indicate to me that I had to call the cops and have him hospitalized. I think if he were to follow through with this, I wouldn't have much more indication from him than I am already having.\n\nHe has said before that he doesn't want to see a professional.\n\nWhat, if anything, can I do to prevent this? If it matters (as far as resources available) go, he is gay and ex-navy.", "answer": "Does he have access to any firearms?  This is extremely important.  \n\nYou sound like a great friend, he's lucky to have you right now.  Try to maintain that connection and let him know he's cared about.  \n\nCan you describe any of the other behaviors that stood out as odd to you?  Does he drink/use drugs?  ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "64546l", "comment_id": "dfzjn9e"}, {"question": "I'm so done with being called weird. It hurts.", "description": "I'm an extrovert by nature. When I was younger I loved talking with new people and i never had an issue making friends.\nAs I got older, starting in my late teens and early twenties it's like people changed, suddenly I was weird. I really don't know what is weird about me and over time I've closed myself off to making friends and the idea of talking with new people is painful.\n\nMaybe I'm too comfortable saying what I really feel, or maybe the things I talk about are just odd. I don't know, I just wish people saw that I'm 100% and I'm kind and I really want to know the real stuff and I'm not interested in the stupid fluff people say and do to look cool. I see right through it and I'm just not good at playing along. \n\nany suggestions ?", "answer": "Weird is subjective.  If you really like anime and are surrounded by people who hate it, you'll be labeled weird.  If you go to an anime convention and you're a person who doesn't like anything having to do with Japanese culture, you'll be labeled as weird.  \n\n\nEveryone is weird to someone else.  My suggestion is to figure out exactly who you are and find YOUR people.  Spend more of your time and energy doing this instead of trying to make people who aren't your people accept you for who you are.\n\nThis is really tough for kids/teens when they obviously don't have the option/freedom to just pick up and move or travel when the people in there are no or few people like them in their immediate vicinity.  As an adult... there's nothing stopping you from doing this but yourself.\n\nThis sort of reminds me of my favorite Jack Kerouac quote :  \u201c[...]the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes \u201cAwww!\u201d", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "emv76t", "comment_id": "fdryexv"}, {"question": "Cancer but not cancer", "description": "Age:73\nSex: F\nHeight: 5'5\", weight: 150\nSmoker of a pack a day \nDuration 2 months\nSymptoms: none\nMedications:N/A\n\nHow common is it for someone to be referred for surgery by a pulmonologist for lung cancer based only on a PET scan without a biopsy or any further testing. The nodule did show up on PET scan, but just barely and not as expected from cancer (from doctor's description). Doctor said, \"It's cancer until we prove it's not\".", "answer": "There's a difference between the doctor saying \"it's definitely cancer until we know it isn't\" and \"we have to treat it like it could be cancer until we know it isn't.\" If it's the latter, that explains the invasive workup.\n\nDepending on what's seen and the location, it may take a surgeon going in quite invasively to get a biopsy and know what it is. If the mass is small enough and deep enough, a VATS resection will both remove whatever it is and, since it's now retrieved, allow pathologists to confirm whether it's cancer or not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhcwvg", "comment_id": "elru6so"}, {"question": "Does this sound like ADHD?", "description": "Age - 21\nSex - M\n\nI can't focus on my homework or pay attention in class, I can't sit at my desk for more than 20 minutes without having the urge to lay down, I overthink everything, and I sleep a lot so I can shut off my mind. Does this sound like ADHD?\n", "answer": "Not really. Still, what are you like at home?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sali9", "comment_id": "dlbm3xh"}, {"question": "1,083 days, the longest consecutive period of sobriety I've ever had. Thank you SD!", "description": "I just wanted to say hey real quick and check in. I'm doing good just trying to take it one day at a time, and not say or do anything that I'd need to make amends for. That's the second most important thing I need to do every day, the first thing being don't drink today for any reason good or bad. I'm so grateful to have found this sub, I'm a different person today because of SD, this sub has gotten me through really difficult times without drinking. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping me sober. Have a great day everyone!", "answer": "Wow. Congrats--that's a lot of days!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5zrml1", "comment_id": "df0i76m"}, {"question": "My girlfriend believes that therapy won't help her. Is she right?", "description": "My girlfriend lives with a toxic household that has been unhealthy her whole life. Her mental health is not doing well as a result of traumatic things that have happened to her in the household, not to mention her family constantly arguing every day and asshole siblings. Some of these mental health things affect our relationship negatively, not to mention it's unhealthy for her overall.\n\nShe is very aware of these things, and acknowledges that they are unhealthy. She deals with these emotions by deflecting it with activities that calm her or make her happy.  She believes that therapy won't have an effect on her unless she moves out as she would still be exposed to her toxic family. Is she right? \n\nAlso, is there anything I as her boyfriend can help her with her emotions? Especially now when she can't leave her house often due to COVID-19.", "answer": "In some ways she is right. Therapy won't change her situation.  Some people definitely feel better having an outside person they can trust and talk to. Some people benefit from strategies for dealing with circumstances outside their control.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnaq51", "comment_id": "fxa9qfg"}, {"question": "I blocked all my feminist friends on Facebook and I can't tell them why.", "description": "Last year I was frequently verbally berated, beaten, and raped by my (now ex) boyfriend. I still have panic attacks and flashbacks at night and during sex. I've been smoking cigarettes and hurting myself frequently ever since I left him. I haven't told anyone. I can't trust anyone. I want to die all the time.  \n\nSome of my friends/acquaintances from high school are diehard feminists. It's very cool; I am too. However, they post daily articles about sexual assault, catcalling, domestic abuse, etc., and it's extremely painful for me. Awareness is great, and I would appreciate their efforts a lot more if I didn't have this baggage. But at this point, I just can't stand to read another article about sad, broken women, because I don't want to remember how sad and broken I am.", "answer": "I'm very sorry about what you went through. I highly doubt we are Facebook friends but I'm sorry for what I have posted regardless. I was sexually assaulted twice within the past year and I just want others to come forward with their crimes and realize that these things happen, and we need to change how things are.\n\nHowever, I'm very sorry regardless and you deserve to not have to read those articles if you don't want to. It's good you took a stand at the very least to make yourself more sane. I hope you can reach out to someone about what happened: A friend, family member, therapist, the internet, or even me. Remember you did not deserve what happened to you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2lpn3j", "comment_id": "clxm9lw"}, {"question": "After 9 years of homelessness I have a roof over my head and feel good.", "description": "I am 30 years old man from germany with abitur and have been homeless since 2011, that is until last febuary. I guess I have mental health issues but im not in therapy at the moment, the current situation put that a bit on the back burner. But in the past I hated myself and attempted to end my life on a handfull of occasions, getting always closer to breaking and doing it.\n\nMaybe three month ago I was approched by a social worker and he helped me find my way to a home for young men in rough situations in just a couple of weeks. It is still hard to belive how easy that was. For about a month and a half I just kinda houng out and got acclimated but kept some of my old habbits up (not drugs, just kinda being aimless). With Corona crashing the party, I spend all of my time at home and lazed around.\n\nBut this week I started to work in the extensive garden. Planting crops, installing watering systems and stuff. Today I planted 100+ onions, waterd some salat and cleaned up a volleyball field. I felt good doing that. Then I had myself a nice cold shower and sat down to write this. Im happy right now. Im happy that I enjoyed work. I put the fear that all this shit in my life was because Im just lazy behind me. I enjoy working. Im crying.", "answer": "Thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your life story with us! it takes courage to reflect on how we've handled our lives. I'm glad you are in this place now. As they say, not all days will be of glory. For me, the important thing is remembering that you might not be okay today, but tomorrow you will. \n\nHave compassion with your process. You've got this. And seek therapy!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fxrjqw", "comment_id": "fmxblm9"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe is classic BPD. But it's very common to have comorbid disorders -- mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD, eating dis, OCD, substance abuse, ...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eolla7t"}, {"question": "How do I make my family understand?", "description": "Why I cant holdor get a job. Why a freak out sometimes. Why I do drugs to numb the pain.\n\nPTSD from severe childhood molestation. From age 6-11. Anxiety disorder. Major Depression. Drug addiction. Treatment resistant. \n\nI live with and am supported by my parents. I have 4 serious suicide attempts. 3 cry for help attempts. 3 rehabs. numerous doctors, counselors ect. Currently on Seroquel, kolonopin and gabapentin. methadone clinic as well to treat my heroin addiction. \n\nParents are fucking saints. They pay for it all even though I am 28. They try to help but just don't quite get it. It would be easier if I had cancer. Something physical they could understand. Instead I have cancer of the mind. So I had a psychotic break 4 days ago. Family is pissed hurt scared ashamed ect. I am just over it. Ready to die or at least leave there lives so they have peace. \n\nWhat do I do to make them realize I am in pain. That I love them enough to leave them? What do I do?", "answer": "Have your parents ever attended an appointment with you (therapist or psychiatrist) to get some psychoeducation? Seems like the first step. I think family therapy could really help you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l9z3t", "comment_id": "dbu8w5c"}, {"question": "Has anyone seen their appetite increase on Adderall", "description": "I was dx a little over 7 years ago and put on Adderall. For the first month, I had no appetite at all. For the first time in my entire life, people told me \u201cyou need to eat!\u201d lol \n\nAfter that first month, not only did my appetite come back, it was bigger than ever! I\u2019ve gained over 40 pounds since then! \n\nHas anyone else had this happen?", "answer": "Some days it is worse. I notice during my period even my medication can\u2019t keep me from craving snacks and eating them. As a result I am not keeping easy snacks in my house.", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "jhm8hd", "comment_id": "gbhff1i"}, {"question": "Mixed signals from my crush.", "description": "So basically I've been friends with this guy for three years now. We sometimes will have sex sometimes we won't. (Would say it's like fuck buddies but it's more than that.). Anyway, he lives three hours away so it's hard to make anything work, and we've decided to just see what happens and not rush into anything.\n\nI mailed him some weed brownies , and he FaceTime called me to thank me. He told me when he would be back in town, we talked for a little bit and that was all. Pretty casual, which is pretty usual for our \"relationship\".  (Which is completely fine because that's what we agreed upon. Until he lives closer we just don't see it working. We both don't want to do long distance.)\n\nToday he posted a Snapchat of a screenshot of a text to his mom and it said this. \"Happy Valentine's Day, I love you. You're the only woman I need!\"\n\nLike... am I a piece of baloney? I'm assuming he's just being a stupid boy and not thinking about it, but still. It just hurt a little. Am I being too sensitive and over reacting?", "answer": "he doesn't see you as special or a girlfriend, so you might have a decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u3czf", "comment_id": "ddr0vnp"}, {"question": "How do I respond to \"Your sister is very pretty\"?", "description": "So, I get a lot of compliments about my sister, like \"your sister is gorgeous\" and so on. How do I respond to this kind of compliments?\nDo I approve? Do I say \"well yeah\"? \nIt always ends up in an awkward situation.\n\nSide facts: \nI am male myself\n\"I\" get those compliments from girls and guys", "answer": "Either shrug or give them a look and go \"dude, that's my sister\" ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "5hx0dv", "comment_id": "db3utum"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. How are you doing ? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "dzm2rfs"}, {"question": "We both work from home and my[32/M] wife[31/F] is too clingy all the time", "description": "We both work from home and mostly stay at home all the time.\n\n\nShe wants 90% of our free time to do everything together. \n\nI can't even remember last 'ME' day where i relaxed doing what i want. Yeah i get couple of hours a day super tired 2-3hrs before sleep.\n\nIts gotten to a point where i stay up 3hrs later than here to get some space.\n\nProblem is she wakes me up early, 30min or at best 1hr after she is up, because she is was \"bored\".\n\nAnd it is gotten worse lately, i can barely do my work (website design) uninterrupted.\n\nYeah we talked (and fought) about this, here reasoning is that she gets extremely lonely when im not with her.\n\nwe'we been together for 8 years and it's worse every year\n\nim getting desperate enough to suggest she find herself lover to get some free time for myself. crazy right?\n\n\nany advice?", "answer": "I hope you were kidding about suggesting she find a lover. What she needs is a hobby. Figuring out how much time to spend together and how much time to spend alone pursuing other things is a balance that all couples have to work out. Some couples are happy joined at the hip and some couples are happy living in separate cities.  She simply needs to respect the space that you need and find a greater balance between time together and time alone", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdotd", "comment_id": "de9aass"}, {"question": "Is this a sign!?", "description": "So I've been having the same dream do 3 days. It's pretty weird one. I race other animals as a animal and once you lose you fall into a water pit and get crushed. Then I come back as anew animal. I'm scared that's a sign I'm trans bc I changed animals....", "answer": "You will have to live with the uncertainty, but move on with your life with the gender you prefer until you wake up one day certain that you are trans. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "61ly64", "comment_id": "dffhvxu"}, {"question": "If Doctor records ETOH Abuse in my charts, will that have an effect on future care?", "description": "I got referred to a specialist for Cardiac issues, and he did the typical questions about history, etc. When he asked me about drinking, I replied that I might drink about 1 night a week, and have 4-5 drinks that night. \n\nThis new doctor however had an extreme reaction to it, saying that I must cut all alcohol off immediately. Absolutely no alcohol at all. He also recorded in my charts a record of ETOH abuse.\n\nThis is the same information I have given my Family Doctor in the past, and he didn't seem concerned at all. \n\nI don't have a problem cutting off drinking if it is really medically advisable, but I am very curious about why two doctors would have such a radically different opinion about it.\n\nAlso, will being listed with Alcohol Abuse in doctor's notes be an issue for me going forward in terms of how I'm treated, etc? I don't have a concern about cutting out alcohol, but I don't want to be inaccurately labelled as such if it  might affect how I am treated by future doctors who view my medical records.", "answer": "You'll probably want an opinion from an addictions psychiatrist - so here it is. Its at most harmful drinking, but no more than that unless you are suffering withdrawal symptoms or its affecting your quality of life.\n\nThere might be a very valid reason to abstain from alcohol depending on the cardiac diagnosis.\n\nClarify with your usual doctor. I don't see this as malpractice, but I would've taken a more pragmatic approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y8eip", "comment_id": "d6luu4v"}, {"question": "[Trigger Warning - Violence/Combat] Bad memories are visiting from the blue. I feel like a bar person and a phony.", "description": "*bad person\n\nA long time ago, in a place far, far away...some people tried to kill me. I shot and probably killed them. I know in my head I did the right thing and I thought I came to peace with it a long time ago. \n\nBut now the memories are visiting. I can remember now what is was like to be shot. And to shoot. I felt nothing but adrenaline at the time. It felt like I was shooting paper targets, but they were people. Is something broken inside of me?\n\nI feel phony. I\u2019m not a vet. I feel like I didn\u2019t earn my stripes. I know in my head that that\u2019s irrelevant, that that experience and others are perfectly valid reasons for being traumatized, but I can\u2019t help but feel my problems aren\u2019t as important as others\u2019. \n\nI\u2019ve tried to talk to my therapist and SO about this and they\u2019ve given me some advice but they just don\u2019t understand what it\u2019s like to be in that situation and live with what you did. \n\nThanks for listening. ", "answer": "Look up moral injury. It's a relatively newly recognized aspect of PTSD which might be relevant to your experience.  Also though you know this, you don't need to be a vet to get PTSD. Most of the PTSD I treat came from child abuse and rape, not combat.  And combat is still combat even if it occurred outside a military framework. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "8pzkw7", "comment_id": "e0fbkke"}, {"question": "So a visit with my doctor and got a bit of shocking news.", "description": "This was my first visit with this doctor. I am trying to better myself. I have been going to therapy and trying to stay on keto while seeing this new doctor. In the first visit, she tells me at my weight (290 5\"3: bmi at 50) that the seriously only way for me to \"beat\" pcos is for me to have a gastric bypass. I was floored. I came in hopeful. My best friend goes to this doctor and loves her. I told her i didnt want that, that im trying to do this keto thing. I had blood work done and they called and told me my a1c was abnormal as well as my vitamin d. I have not gone back yet. Im going to schedule an appointment again to see what she says, there were a few other things i didnt like about her. Im just trying to move past it and look at my future. My question is, do you think i should get a second opinion? Ive been to so many doctors and none of them have been willing to really point me in the right direction. Ive begged for help in some way or another from a lot of doctors. None of them have done anything more than tell me to take metformin and eat vegetarian. Seriously. This doctor is willing to try or so she said to get me on meds that will help with appetite. However she was quite rude... when she saw my face at her telling me i needed a gastric bypass, she responded \"its not the end of the world. At least you dont have cancer.\" I was even more upset by that point. Any and all advice wanted. Also for the record... ive lost 10 lbs on keto in a week. I got stressed from a few things and gained it back. But im back on track now.", "answer": "I'm 5'4\" and 275 and my doc said \"you're not thinking of weight loss surgery are you?\" Getting my weight down is something we both agree needs to happen ASAP but she's confident I can do it with lifestyle + medication for my insulin resistance (metformin).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4q0lbz", "comment_id": "d4ph68s"}, {"question": "According to you, what is a perfect relationship?", "description": "I am 26, According to you, what is a perfect relationship?", "answer": "Perfect means a couple that has the capacity to restore their relationship to its best level....which probably wasn't 'perfect', but was great.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76xe2d", "comment_id": "doho3b6"}, {"question": "Anyone else find forgiving people extremely difficult?", "description": "I'm having problems with forgiving somebody who in the past was an incredibly close friend. We've both done things to upset each other, and I don't feel like I've not acknowledged my own guilt in the situation, if anything my guilt broke me and actually lead to me being hospitalised and consequently diagnosed. \n\nI currently live with him, and we are currently no longer on speaking terms due to a number of different things, but I know that they are all trivial and I need to get past them, I just don't know how. I have so much anger and hate that on one part makes me feel as if I forgive him, that means he gets off guilt free, and doesn't even begin to understand the pain he's put me through. But holding on and being passive aggressive for the next 6 months of our tenancy is just going to make me miserable, and I'm scared it will make the other 6 people we live with miserable too. \n\nIt's a long and complicated story, and the housemates we share with are too involved in the situation through their own personal opinions on the matter, but I know they will be able to eventually let them go. But of course, BPD and me just being me means that I'm angry 99% of the time, and I can't seem to shake it. I don't want to see him as the victim but should I? I see his side of the argument but then instead of forgiving, I just feel insane levels of guilt again, there's no middle ground, and end up hating myself instead of him. \n\nI guess I just wondered if any others had some success stories in forgiving people they really didn't want to forgive? ", "answer": "I do not have BPD but I have a difficult time forgiving. I remind myself of this story and visualize myself going through it until I feel like I have let it go. \n\nDucks do not hold grudges. Two ducks swim in a pond and come upon another. They start fighting. They quack, and bite, and flap their wings at each other. When the fight is done, they swim off in two different directions, stopping briefly. They raise up and flap their wings, then continue out on their way. \n\nOnce the ducks flap their wings, they leave everything behind and swim off in peace. They do not continue hating the other duck, and they are no longer burdened. \n\nI play this story in my head, thinking if the thing I know I need to forgive and feeling the negative emotions. I then imagine flapping my wings and letting those things go. From that point on, I make a conscious effort to turn my attention away from any thoughts that try to revisit that past \"wrong\".  And it does take effort. My mind may naturally want to think about past wrongs, but by changing the focus of my thoughts I force my brain to change it's pattern. And it has become easier. I still have moments that are as hard as the beginning, but I'm just happy to have some change. \n\nI should note, don't try to lump a whole bunch of things together. Take it one at a time. Each moment needs to be processed, or \"themes\" need to be processed. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3xpkv7", "comment_id": "cy78elr"}, {"question": "How do I stop procrastinating?", "description": "Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but whenever I have to do something I always end up putting it off until the last second or not doing it at all. It's really frustrating but just can't seem to find the motivation to do any work.", "answer": "As someone who's a therapist, I've worked with plenty of people on this issue.  As someone who spent their whole life with very severe undiagnosed and unmedicated ADD (until about 4 months ago) I know the struggle firsthand.  \n\n\nSome of the best behavioral changes I've made in my life that I generally recommend to others are the following:\n\n\n1.  Make checklists.... all the time.  Keep them around where you can see them constantly.  \n\n\n2.  Separate your larger goals into smaller and more easily accomplishable chunks.  You may still procrastinate until the last minute with actually finishing, but having some of the work done instead of having to do all of it at the last minute is extremely helpful.\n\n\n3.  What are you using to distract yourself?  TV?  Video games?  Phone? Internet?  Whatever it is make a little rule for yourself where you can't go back to doing that until you've achieved one or two things off of your checklist.  Ex.  I love playing the video game Smite.  Games typically last about 30 minutes.  I can easily binge for hours and hours left unchecked.  I have my list of things I need to do either for work, around the house, other personal goals, etc.  I play a game and then I have to accomplish 1-2 things off the list before I can play another.  I call it Smite-choring :-D.  My wife actually doesn't mind my video game playing so much when she sees that it motivates me this way.  \n\n\n\nGame of smite  -> put in a load of laundry + empty the dishwasher + put first load in the dryer -> game of smite -> mow the lawn -> game of smite -> fold the completed load of laundry.\n\n\n4.  Lastly and I think this can be the hardest but most efficient, force yourself to cut off from all technology for half a day or more.  I use music as an exception as it actually helps me get work done.  Without TV, video games, the internet, my phone, etc.  after the initial withdrawal I actually get bored to the point where I WANT to do the things I usually put off just to have something to do.  \n\n\nI know what works for me won't work for everyone but I hope you try some of this and find it helpful.  One last thing I'll say is one of my biggest regrets is that I spent so much of my life being afraid of taking medication (even though I've been a therapist working in the field for almost 10 years).  Even the low dose of Adderall I take (10mg 1x 4-5 days out of the week) has changed my life immensely and has made doing all of this much easier.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8sijev", "comment_id": "e0zomo5"}, {"question": "Got diagnosed with prostate cancer, age 59. I have to go through radical prostatectomy. I have to decide whether to go for Open or Laparoscopic / Robotic Assisted Radical Prostatectomy.", "description": "I got diagnosed on December the 5th, 2019 with Prostate Cancer: the results gave a Glaseon Score of 6, and i was put under active surveillance. 3 months later, on March the 5th, i got another biopsy and the Glaseon Score was 7, i got the results today, so the doc told me it's time to intervene and go through surgery with some urgency. I am having a hard time finding scientific evidence of the differences in results between Laparoscopic / Robotic Assisted and Open Radical Prostatectomy. My surgeon doesn't do LRP or RARP, and he tells me that his patients in ORP has 50% of chances to get erectile dysfunctions or incontinence complications. How do i find the bet clinic in Europe to do this? I don't care about how much i'm going to spend, i'm just trying to find the best way to go through all this. Sorry for my english, i'm a bit confused and seeking for help right now: and thank you in advance for any help.\n\nEDIT: some personal info about myself. 59M, non smoker, caucasian male, decent shape, i don't have any other related medical issues. ", "answer": "As other doctors have said, this is absolutely the time to look into second opinions and third opinions. You want a doctor who does this surgery often and l, ideally, who has good outcomes. No surgeon can be perfect, and that 50% complication rate sounds around what the overall statistics are, unfortunately. But it\u2019s worth asking around and seeing if you can get the numbers more in your favor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g1tcc8", "comment_id": "fnjwwdz"}, {"question": "People stop contacting me [21/m], is it me or just life?", "description": "I'll try to make this as short as possible. I get to know someone, primarily as a friend, and we become really close, we trust each other, have great fun and all that. But over time, and it's not that long of a time, they start to become more distant.\n\nRecently I've taken a step back from always being the first to contact them, and I get nothing, I don't know what it is. Some of them to be fair are around the 18-20 year old range and are usually female, but I don't get it. I don't understand the concept of getting close with someone and then deciding to adjourn so quickly. Is it me, or is it just adult life taking over and it happens to everyone?\n\nJust to clarify, I don't consider myself a bad person or anything. I'm charismatic, have a good career going for me and a good social life on a night out, so what is it? It genuinely upsets me psychologically. ", "answer": "life", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rk91v", "comment_id": "dl5oh1y"}, {"question": "Confrontation", "description": "I am a 28 year old female who has been with my bf for 3 years.\n\nToday after constantly noticing that my partners cousin is always rude to me I confronted her. I visited him and she was there. \n\nExamples of her being rude in a nutshell: she ignores my questions and when I try to make conversation with her she ignores me completely. She refuses to engage in conversation with me. \n\nit went like this:\nMe: hello ..after she didn't say hi to me and wouldn't get up from the couch ( she didn't want to acknowledge me and I walk  into the living room to say hi... trying to be the better person) \nHer: hi( in a rude way) and turned her back to me\nMe: you seem mad, did I do something to you?\nHer: I already said hi to you\nMe: yes but every time I come you are really rude to me\nHer: okay ? I have only seen you 2 times here you're exaggerating (lie: it's been like 2-3 times per week that she's there)\nMe: (ignoring her statement), well you act like you're jealous of me being here or my presence bothers you\nHer: me jealous of you? (Looking at me up and down trying to put me down) , why would I be jealous of you ? I have nothing to be jealous of you \nMe: I don't understand why you're so rude then. If I ever did something to you let me know so that I can apologize \nHer: I'll tell you to your face when you do something to me ( rude voice)\nMe: I'm leaving ( Frustrated) \n\nWhy is she always so rude ? advice as to how to handle this?", "answer": "Doesn't matter why, one of you should not be on the other's couch. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyw4z", "comment_id": "di6elc7"}, {"question": "Does everyone end up loving their parents?", "description": "Just a quick question because as far as I know a lot of teenagers don't like their parents, is it true all people eventually start to like their parents?", "answer": "It really depends.\n\nWhen I was a teenager, I wondered the same thing. I figured things would get better once I grew up and was on my own. But - I just ended up learning that how I was raised was not acceptable (abusive home). I tried to have a relationship with them once I grew up, because hell - they're my family. But it was destroying my mental health and ultimately I had to cut ties in order to save myself.\n\nI miss my family, no matter how awful they were. I truly wish I could have found a way to make it work - but it surely wasn't for a lack of trying. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "36ri2q", "comment_id": "crgyhjq"}, {"question": "What is Alpha Wave Intrusion and what are its Effects", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "From my limited knowledge of sleep medicine, the primary time that alpha waves normally appear during sleep is REM. Alpha-delta sleep, or alpha wave intrusion, is when alpha waves also appear during non-REM sleep, when delta should appear. It has weak correlations with a number of problems, including depression, but its strongest correlation is with poor sleep and fatigue. It's probably less a cause of sleep problems than a sign of them. I haven't been in the sleep lab for a long time or keeping up with the literature, though, and it's possible that the understanding has moved on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b2s9iy", "comment_id": "eiuq6aa"}, {"question": "What is the point of therapy? All I do is talk, no plan?", "description": "I am hoping I can get feedback on what exactly is supposed to happen in therapy. I have seen one therapist for five months and didn't seem to make any progress. Then two others and although their styles are different I cannot figure out what is supposed to really happen. Maybe it is the style? All I seem to do is talk about my past and current things that upset me and they listen and once in a while make some statements and that is really all. I always thought there would be some structure or a plan/outline to follow with objectives, goals and more of a business plan. I feel like I have spoken of my trauma and how it effects me now and have talked about things that upset me etc but then what is next? I am not sure what I expected but just more. \n\nWhat is really supposed to happen? If A patient/client talks about prior sexual assault or ex an unhealthy attachment with mother then what? You disclose and talk about it but what comes after. It is just out there and I feel like there is something missing like next steps?\nOr is it simply taking and just getting pain out? I was hoping to get actual help processing it and how to improve my life and thinking towards a healthier manner as I don't have the tools to do that on my own. Talking is not working well enough. I don't feel any better than when I started?", "answer": "That sounds really frustrating and I can imagine how it just seems like you\u2019re not getting anywhere. A couple questions:  What are your goals for therapy? Are they measurable or are the abstract?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fq3lab", "comment_id": "flp642s"}, {"question": "Covid risk during psychiatric stay? 26 female 110 lbs located in MD", "description": "My girlfriend has a pre existing condition of COPD. She also has a mental illness that results in near constant suicidality . She's been declining for two weeks and for the past 3 days she has been at her worst in 2 years. She can't stay present without withdrawing back to a dissociative state rapidly. She has expressed her suicidal ideation more than ever. What's the risk she would contract Covid during a psychiatric stay?", "answer": "All the psychiatric facilities around me are insisting on testing prior to admission and trying to maintain social distancing on the units. It's not perfect, but it has seemed to work well.\n\nYou don't mention any other treatment your girlfriend has or has had. Does she take any medications? Does she have a psychiatrist and/or therapist? Has she or have you reached out to those people?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jupd00", "comment_id": "gcenjqy"}, {"question": "What can I use besides marijuana to help with my nighttime anxiety (already on Cymbalta)?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You may want the expertise of a psychiatrist here. If you're just looking for augmentation of Cymbalta, here are some thoughts:\n\n* Buspirone (Buspar) is often helpful for anxiety, a common addition to SSRI/SNRIs, and quite safe.\n\n* Benzodiazepines are a possible option, but they *are* potentially addictive and tolerance-forming and not a great idea for consistent, long-term use\n\n* Seroquel (quetiapine) or another atypical antipsychotic might be used. I'd generally advise against. They're sedating and somewhat anxiolytic, which can help, but the potential side effects are significant\n\n* Beta blockers also have some literature to support their use and as long as your blood pressure is okay are quite safe (and maybe beneficial). They're not all the same; betaxolol and pindolol are probably the two with the most anxiety research behind them (still not tons), but they're probably not highly familiar to a GP.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8988g8", "comment_id": "dwpjo7n"}, {"question": "How do I(14M) not blush?", "description": "My sisters always try to make me blush and it happens so easily and im very pale all my family is it shows very very very much im like Rudolph but with my cheeks. I want to stop its embarrassing which in return makes me blush more. I just dont like blushing.", "answer": "Blushing is a response that, while obviously uncomfortable, actually pulls people to feel empathy for you. \n\nI like to call it out when it happens and laugh about it. Works well. \n\nEdit read [this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thisisinsider.com/blushing-easily-embarrassed-advantages-2017-1) . Hope it helps :)\n\n", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9pdxyk", "comment_id": "e819d3a"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stay up after taking melatonin?", "description": "In my school a lot of kids are getting sick, and earlier today I started getting body aches and headaches, and ~12 hours ago I got the chills and a bad stomach ache. also have mild diarrhea.\n\nAnywho, I took 2 500 mcgs of melatonin (1 mg) 2 hours ago and I still don\u2019t feel in the slightest bit tired. Is it safe to stay up, or should I try taking more? Thanks in advance", "answer": "It's safe not to sleep after taking melatonin. The purpose of melatonin is to help you feel tired and ready to sleep, mostly by augmenting or replacing the hormone signaling of your circadian rhythm. It doesn't work anything like sedative-hypnotics (sleeping pills). Although it's a fine distinction, I would say melatonin acts less to make you tired and more to make you less awake. It helps you be ready to sleep, but it doesn't force you to sleep, if that makes sense. The effect is better for times when your schedule is disrupted from what it would naturally be, whether that's jet lag, work schedule, or just too many bright lights at night; it's not so good for when you're not sleeping well because you're sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ifqt2", "comment_id": "e6jv0lz"}, {"question": "A year and 3 months sober - First AA Meeting.", "description": "I have been sober now for a year, 3 months and 1 week. I had not been to a single AA meeting during this time - perhaps I'm stubborn. However, I met someone last weekend who was also in recovery and he seemed a little unsure of me (or my commitment {just a feeling}) because I didn't do meetings. It made me think. It made me go to one.\n\nTheres a church in my neighborhood that has Thursday meetings so I went there. I had a hard time understanding all the different flavors of AA meeting online, but this was an open discussion. Everyone already seemed to know each other, so I felt a little 'new', while open to meeting people and chatting, I couldn't seem to get much acknowledgment or eye contact and so felt like I was just visiting - it's all good. I enjoyed listening to all the stories and struggles that the speakers had overcome. It wasn't a bad way to spend an hour.\n\nI had one issue though, I'm not a religious person. Among other things, I was a little taken aback by the holding hands and reciting of the lords prayer. Are all meetings like this? I'm going to try to find a few more this coming week and see if another one fits better. I'd ideally like to find one that is less religious (please tell me that's possible).", "answer": "It's different where you are. I live in a fairly liberal big city and I've been to one meeting where they recite the lord's prayer, but they make sure to add \"or a prayer of your choosing\" the standard where I am is the serenity prayer, but in my home group for example we say the 7th step prayer. It's all based on the meetings group conscience. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i5hl4", "comment_id": "cb178cn"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Wooo hooo!!! Congratulations!!!  Treat yourself to something amazing because you deserve it!!!  Keep it up!!!  This is inspiring!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "hmvmmo", "comment_id": "fx8wihu"}, {"question": "Sleep Apnea?", "description": "I went to the dentist today for a cleaning. He looked at my tongue and said I may have sleep apnea and referred to me to a specialist. He asked if I snore, and I will snore very occasionally, but not like my girlfriend who snores loudly and often. He also asked if I wake up tired, and yes I do wake up very tired and sleep excessively (10 hours a night). I've asked my doctor about this and he tested my for thyroid and all that stuff and all tests came back normal, so I'm thinking it maybe is sleep apnea?\n\nIs this something usually covered by insurance? I saw the little pamphlet given to me by the dentist and it says they treat it by using a \"oral appliance\" therapy. It's a device I put in my mouth when I sleep. Is this effective? Also do I have to wear it for the rest of my life, or will my body eventually adapt and I will no longer need it?\n\nAge - 29\nSex - M\nHeight - 5' 9\"\nWeight - 165 lbs\nRace - White/Asian\nDuration of complaint - Excessive sleep all my life. Tired in morning all life.\nLocation (Geographic and on body)\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any)\nCurrent medications (if any) - Zyrtec, dymystia\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "Not sure if you actually have sleep apnoea based solely on your symptoms. Nevertheless whats your blood pressure like? Has your partner noticed you stopping breathing whilst sleeping?\n\nA CPAP machine is used to treat obstructive sleep apnoea, but I bet you'd only want to use it if you have significant symptoms - theyre not the most pleasant things to use.\n\n[Sleep apnoea](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sleep-apnoea/pages/introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x4pwl", "comment_id": "def95a1"}, {"question": "Modest Monday - Newbies & everyone else, post your questions & hellos here.", "description": "I stole this idea from /r/fitness. They do a \"Moronic Monday\" thread, where everyone is allowed to ask dumb questions.\n\nThis is the same sort of idea - if you have a question that you've always wanted to ask, but never felt comfortable starting a whole thread about it, ask it here.  \n\nIf you just want to reach out, say \"hello,\" or let people know that you've been lurking, go for it.\n\nIf you want to make a general statement or observation, say thanks, or get something off your chest, have at it.\n\nIf you're thinking about quitting but haven't mustered up the courage or resolve, tell us about it.\n\nAnyone can ask, anyone can answer.  Throwaways are fine.  \n\n[Peace!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUGmwDB49Tc) ", "answer": "Good idea!\n\nI'll chime in.  I just found this subreddit a few days ago and think it's great that there's a fairly active, supportive community like this on Reddit.\n\nI've noticed a few newly sober posters talking about feeling conflicted about wanting to call people for support but not wanting to be a bother, and I just wanted to say CALL THEM!  People give you their numbers for a reason, and odds are you'll be helping them as much as they help you, even if you don't realize it.  I've never met someone who felt bothered or annoyed by someone else calling for support.\n\nAnyway, that's my two cents for now.  Keep coming back everybody.\n\nedit:  accidentally a word", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "ukj1q", "comment_id": "c4w66km"}, {"question": "Psych Student in need of help!", "description": "Hi I\u2019m new to Reddit, so please excuse me if I don\u2019t properly format. I\u2019m a 21 yo F psych student who, for a final project in one of my classes, needs to interview someone currently working in the psych field. Someone said they found their interviewee through here so I thought I\u2019d try too. I was going to interview someone on campus before the pandemic broke out. If any serious therapists or psychologists can offer me any help it\u2019d be much appreciated!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of users willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fsbres", "comment_id": "fm1aiwu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend and I broke up on good, speaking terms; what is the best way for me to go about this, in regards to how I treat her?", "description": "We truly love each other, there weren't infidelity issues, and we're both generally good people.\n\nShe and I met, things were great. Natural and positive. Great communication.\n\nThe reason we broke up, was due to her choice. She is 22 and has been meaning to \"find herself\" since before she met me. She has an opportunity to go to France for three months, all expenses paid. I'm happy she has such an opportunity, because it is exactly what she needs.\n\nRight now I'm a little hurt, and I am doing my best to prevent my past with other girls affect how I view this situation, and her.\n\nI basically just want to know how to be \"the best ex-boyfriend possible\", so that I don't act like a douche, or base my actions on resentment. Things like my demeanor or tone, the subjects of discussion, and frequency of contact, etc.\n\nI truly love this girl, and want her to be happy.", "answer": "Contact her if you want to talk to her, but don't go out of your way and do it much more infrequently than you did when you were dating. If she calls you or texts you, that's great--but don't jump the gun to reply.\n\nLimit your physical contact.\n\nDon't hang out with her one-on-one.\n\nBe civil. Don't be a douche. It doesn't sound like you'd go that way in the first place, but don't act really jealous if she dates another guy and don't act like you're feeling possessive of her even if you are feeling that way.\n\nMy best advice for you would be to limit contact with her until you don't feel hurt or otherwise romantically engaged. Granted, I don't know if that's applicable in your situation, but my fear for you is that you're going to fall back into treating her like your girlfriend again and you'll end up in bed with her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "u4r8t", "comment_id": "c4sbhpg"}, {"question": "What's the point of going to a psychologist past the original diagnosis?", "description": "I've been going to a psychologist and yes he's cool to talk to about stuff and he helps me with study strategies and worries about the future but I was wondering what the point was past just talking? I know this is unorthodox for this sub sorry.", "answer": "Often times meds themselves don't automatically correct the behaviors associated with ADHD. For example, if you're a student with ADHD- you might have had a rather chaotic study style prior to medications. Meds won't automatically correct your behavior- they will however make it possible for you to do so. Likewise with many other behaviors that one is accustomed to pre-treatment, sometimes people need assistance in learning to modify those behaviors to ones that are more helpful. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2gi9y5", "comment_id": "ckjubev"}, {"question": "[m22] How can I build a relationship with my family?", "description": "Hello Reddit, I was hoping if I can get some advise on building a stronger relationship with my family (mom, dad, sibling etc.) For a very long time I was always the person that would be seen in he corner of the room alone not because people didn't like me, but because I never felt like anyone wanted me so even around family I isolated myself. I would consider myself to be a very soft spoken and easy going person and when I do open myself I always seem to attract people, but I don't feel like I really connect with anyone and it's beginning to really hurt. I have a very loving family and I have a good relationship with a women that loves me more then I deserve, but I don't feel anything inside and I just don't understand it! Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you...", "answer": "i would contact one family member with who you have the greatest likelihood of re-connecting.  meet for coffee, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xjxs9", "comment_id": "deio231"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (26F) wants a break with me (23M) after fighting", "description": "Hello,\nMe (23M) and my girlfriend (26F) of 6 months recently got into some nasty arguments, and she has become increasingly passive aggressive with me over the past two weeks.\nShe is an au pair here in the US, but she's going back to her home country, Spain in a week for her vacation (3 weeks). She really misses her family, her dog is depressed and won't eat, her grandfather is dying, and her younger sister is suffering from some kind of psychological issue where she gets anxiety when she's away from her mother. Her parents are divorced, and her mom is having some difficulties making ends meet because her father refuses to pay for child support. So I do think that's she's very homesick at this point. She hasn't seen her family in 8 months, and apparently family is huge in Spanish culture.\n\nWell, in the past month we got into arguments that basically centered around me apparently not caring about her and being negligent. We were at a bar recently, and I didn't do anything when some guy hit on her. She said she wanted to feel protected, I said \"you're a grown woman, it's not hard to say no to a guy, and he wasn't forcing himself on you.\" In another instance, I went to Montreal for work, and I didn't text her for 2 days, and she got upset that I didn't keep her updated.\n\nI should also note that, for the first time I exploded at her and yelled at her for being so passive aggressive for two weeks. I regret that, obviously, but I was just so fed up with her treatment.\nShe said she wanted a break to clear her mind, to calm down, and to spend time with her family and friends back home. She said she has so many feelings right now, and she needs time to think about us.\nWhen asked, she said she wouldn't be \"looking for anything from anyone,\" and that we would have a date to talk over things when she got back. She said that she still believes a relationship is possible, but she doesn't know what's going to happen once she goes on this trip.\n\nBasically, I believe she's torn between staying in the US, and going back to Spain for good. Or maybe she made up her mind already\n.\nTwo days after her break declaration, I had a talk with her in person, and I explained to her in a very calm manner that I loved her, I cared for her, and I'm willing to make the changes she wanted in order for this relationship to work. I also said I'd be willing to see a psychologist to work through some of these issues while she was away. I have since been in no contact.\n\nShe also said she loves me, but her kisses weren't as deep, not as passionate, and she didn't want to stay for sex. Which is a first. She also took her clothes from my apartment, saying she needed them for Spain. She left her deodorant and toothbrush when I asked her if she wants to take those as well, lol. Not sure if this is at all worth mentioning; perhaps I'm looking too much into this.\n\nAs I said she's an au pair, and she made it clear to me that she wants to marry me. She even asked for a promise ring, which I laughed at.\n\nSo is this her way of saying goodbye for good? Or do I have a shot when she comes back? What is the best course of action here, given all that I said? Please give it your all, because I'm willing to do it for her now. Thank you.\n\ntl:dr girlfriend thinks I don't care about her, got into nasty fights, now reconsidering staying in the US with me by taking a break.\n\nEdit: she is leaving next Thursday morning for 3 weeks. It is Friday morning as a write this. She said she wanted a break this Monday.\n\nEdit: Just wanted to add some closure to the discussion. \nI ended up breaking it off with her. I asked her how she feels emotionally about us, whether she feels in the relationship or not. She said she's \"emotionally done.\"\nSo I decided to nuke it. Said via text, \"Ok. Enjoy your vacation, it was a great learning experience.\" Removed her from all social media, threw away all her stuff in my apartment. \nNow that I've gone through this, it's amazing to see how quickly a woman can turn her heart off to a man, regardless of how special she may have seemed. I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily, just an observation. We were literally talking about marriage and kids 3 weeks ago with high hopes. Haha how naive of me. \nI want to thank everyone for the advice. Time to listen to Mr. Brightside and move onto the next one.", "answer": "go to couples therapy first", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69egv6", "comment_id": "dh6a1nz"}, {"question": "Reading body language", "description": "A friend of mine (28 f) and I (24 m) have been working on themed cosplays for about a week now, hanging out every day from when we get off work till before bed. She and I have been friends for about a year, and 2 weeks ago it finally clicked that I have feelings for her. \n\nShe has a boyfriend...\n\nShe and I are both honest people, so I know she won't do anything relationship related with me unless she breaks up with him 1st... and I would do the same. \n\nThing is... We have been spending a LOT of time with one another. Cooking, crafting, and just generally hanging out. Alongside her boyfriend. She has been laughing at things that most people find annoying about me (I think...) and so I feel like she at least kinda likes me. Then today happened. \n\nWe were hanging out for most of the afternoon because some friends canceled group plans. Her boyfriend was out hanging with them, and we opted to work on costumes. We haven't been alone more than 3 times since we became friends, and this was the he 1st time it was just the 2 of us all day. About 3 or 4 times throughout the afternoon she and I would make eye contact randomly, and I would catch the faintest glimpse of her winking. Until the last time when it was super obvious. No context for the winks, and they didn't even seem sensual. I'm not sure what to think of those... what do you think?\n\nTL;DR: Girl I like who winked at me 3 or 4 times with seemingly no context.", "answer": "If it doesn't read as sensual then it's probably friendly, because you're posting about it because you want it to be sensual, even though you know it wasn't cause you said so. \n\nSo it was friendly, and you should probably start dating other people, because this isn't the one. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dydad", "comment_id": "di6ba8d"}, {"question": "What if I don't have adhd (potentially) and i'm just lazy and worthless?", "description": "I am a scattered brain person. I can't organise at all. I've used so many calendar and schedule apps...I've printed off timetables and have written them, I've bought homework diaries yet after two days these things drift to the back of my mind and i'm disorganised as ever. I'm consistently trying to form study habits every two months, yet I relapse.\n\nI end up doing tasks by gut feeling...Like, Oh i remember i have to do this, so i'll do it now, yet I forget important dates, like an essay due in two weeks or a project or a class exam date.\n\nI do this with studying..I just end up studying whatever I feel like. Planning it doesn't help because I soon forget my plan or something distracts me (ie getting stuck on a question) and the plan the rest of the day goes to waste.\n\nWhen I'm with people, or my friends, I become really insecure and feel stupid because my mind is full of goop; I blurt out random things, that make people frown and go quiet and it feels like everyone thinks differently from me. I end up trying to not speak at all and I try to aoid speaking to those I percieve as smart.\n\nTo maintain a normal day, where I don't embarass myself, I have to expend a tonne of energy.\n\nI've tried to tell my mum how I feel. But she told me that I am lazy and stupid. If I try to express how I feel, she immediately stops me and tries to give me solutions; just study harder, go get your teacher to tutor you for free.\n\nI do not dare to even bring up the topic of mental health with her, as she shuns it. It really hurts me because she says I am worthless and says things like 'you're just like your dad' (a cruel person I haven't seen for 13 years).\n\n   I'm waging a war within me. aDHD is so abstract in terms of diagnosing. I want to find out by seeking a doctor but then again, i'm not sure whether I'm focusing on this too much and making excuses. Like what if I am just what I am? \n\nI am extremely scared to go see a doctor by myself as a teen and want to put this off because of uncertainty.\n  \nany insight or advice could be very helpful. Thank you!", "answer": "I would consider the environmental factors that are correlated with ADHD as well. Consider abuse and trauma or, more generally, living in a highly chaotic/unstructured environment. Seeking help for ADHD is more than just a medicinal remedy. Effective treatment consists of medicine and psychotherapy. In my opinion, people often overlook these systemic issues when considering treatment.\n\nIf your mother tells you you are worthless, you will internalize these messages and consequently not make healthy choices in life. If you feel lazy, it is because your family sent you these messages, covertly or overtly.  Effective Treatment for ADHD also includes building an awareness of those around you and your cognitive and emotional response to that. \n\n\nYour mother's words are abusive and you believe them. You deserve treatment. You deserve to better understand yourself and others. You deserve a better life...no matter what your parents tell you!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4f28dh", "comment_id": "d25b3jn"}, {"question": "I think i experienced depersonalization last night.", "description": "Last night I woke up in my bed around 3 am and had this extreamly wierd feeling. I felt disconnected from my body and nothing felt real. When I looked at my self in the mirror I knew it was me but I was seriously questioning it. \n\nAt first I thought it was pretty cool, but after 10 minutes I got really scared since it didn\u00b4t go away. In my mind I had a full panic attack but it was like my body ignored it and stayed calm and rational. I then started wondering if I was experiencing a stroke but after some google-searches I found the wikipedia article on [depersonalization](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization) and it describes the feeling pretty well. \n\nI took a shower and I felt a lot better when I could focus on something else but the feeling returned as soon as my mind was not occupied. After a while I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning everything was back to normal. \n\nIs this something i should worry about or is it normal? I have had some sleep-depriviation lately due to school but otherwise things have been normal. Can also add that I am a 22 year old male with no history of mental illness. Thanks in advance.\n\n(Sorry if my spelling or grammar is incorrect)\n", "answer": "Actually, it is common that some people experience some form of deperaonalization (not feeling like your arm is your actual arm etc). As long as everything feels back to normal, I wouldn't worry about it. Sleep deprivation can most definitely be a contribution factor. I once felt like my legs weren't mine. I was overworked and had very little sleep. If it returns I would then think about talking to someone. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s2s7k", "comment_id": "cnlm85j"}, {"question": "How to reject a friend of my crush?", "description": "I have a crush on this girl, she knows it, but we still hang out a lot (with her friend too), but recently her friend has started showing interest in me, and I have a feeling she might tell me soon. I'm not sure what do I do then, I thought I would just tell her that I'm already in love with another girl, but it's gonna be very obvious who it is... Am I overthinking this too much? ", "answer": "If you\u2019re not interested in someone the reason doesn\u2019t matter. Don\u2019t explain, just be nice to her. \n\nAlso, if your crush knows you like her and doesn\u2019t want to be with you: MOVE ON", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7tci5y", "comment_id": "dtbhup8"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I think that South Park does a really good job of parodying the issue to help folks understand (albeit in a very hyperbolic way) the issues that photoshop causes and the relationship between self-esteem and body image.  \n\n\nIs it a problem?  I co-authored a research paper having to do with this back around 2006.  Is it even a question that has to be asked at this point?\n\nI'm 32, live in United States.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7edl1", "comment_id": "ec2k9ib"}, {"question": "My wife and I are traveling to an area that has recently been put on the list for having Zika virus. We want to start a family soon.", "description": "So we are traveling to the British Virgin Island this late January.  We have had this trip booked for sometime and is part of a larger group (my family).  My wife is now on the fence about even going at this point despite that we are financially on the hook.\n\nWe also want to start a family soon and the BVI was just placed on the list of places where Zika is present.  We have also seen that it is recommended waiting now 8 months after exposure before trying to get pregnant.\n\n* Could this time period be shortened if we were tested for Zika and tests came back negative?\n* Is there still a shortage of Zika virus tests? We are in Dallas, TX if that matters.\n* If we do contract it, are there any long term ramifications regarding pregnancy after the virus has passed through our system?\n* Is there anything else I should be aware of?\n\nAbout Us:\n\n* 31 m and f Caucasian\n* Live in Dallas, TX\n* She is currently not on any birth control \n\nAny advice would be most appreciated! :-)\n\nhttp://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/20/well/live/want-a-zika-test-its-not-easy.html?_r=0\n\nhttp://www.cdc.gov/zika/hc-providers/clinical-guidance/sexualtransmission.html", "answer": "[UK (NHS) advice on Zika](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/zika-virus/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ggu0h", "comment_id": "das7o5f"}, {"question": "[28/f] Mixed signals from [29/m] I've been seeing, help:(", "description": "Met on Tinder about a month ago.  Moved to texting after a week or so and talked non-stop.  He's an intellectual like me, and both of us admitted to one another how (surprisingly) easy the other was to talk to without ever having met.  Talked non-stop that week, and then had our first date that weekend.\n\nEnded up hanging out the whole weekend (Memorial Day weekend, so nearly 3 days).  Back to work, talked throughout the week, though slightly less as he is transitioning to a promotion at work.\n\nA friend passes away during the week, and he comes over on a weeknight to listen and console.  Very sweet.\n\nHung out again the next weekend (Fri-Sun morning). Again, awesome.  He's basically the male me, which is delightful. And an excellent kisser.\n\nNext week texting decreases, but is still there.  Hang out on Friday and then he heads out of town for the weekend to see family.\n\nFollowing week the decrease in communication continues.  We still talk every day, but it's much less.  Occasional tidbits of the day and memes.  Assuming (hoping) this is just work busyness. Hang out on Thurs/Sunday as we both had plans the other days. Goes great, he crashes with me Sunday and kisses me goodbye as we both head to work Monday morning.\n\nNow this week, barely any texts, feel like I am dragging conversation out of him. Replies are slower and shorter.  He'll be out of town this weekend with family so I probably won't be seeing him for a while.\n\nIs this a loss of interest, or just being too busy with life? It's so hard to tell in this technological age where anyone COULD reply quickly, but don't always.  \n\nAm I over thinking this, or should I ask him what the deal is and why the sudden change?\n", "answer": "just ask him!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iekwo", "comment_id": "dj5km1g"}, {"question": "Help talking to \u201cSuicidal\u201d patients", "description": "Hey all, \n\nFirst things first: Sorry for formatting (on mobile). Sorry for the terrible throwaway name. \n\nI am a paramedic/firefighter and recently we have had a string of calls for \u201csuicidal\u201d patients. I put it in quotes because each call is different and each patient is at a different point in the process of having Suicidal Ideations to acting upon them. \n\nOur contact time with these patients is usually between 15-60 minutes based on the level of their immediate medical needs. Throughout paramedic school and in our Continuing Education training pretty much the only advice we are given in dealing with these patients is just to \u201cbe supportive\u201d. Obviously this advice is good and much better than being judgmental or criticizing the patient, but I am wondering if there is more I can do. \n\nEach patient is obviously different from one another, so I know it\u2019s hard to give broad suggestions. Other than just speaking to them in a supportive manner and tone/not acting condescending or judgmental, what can I do? \n\nTime is a limited factor in asking the background of why they are feeling this way, and we are transporting the patients to an emergency room to be medically cleared to go to a psych facility that has highly trained professionals waiting. \n\nThe physical health aspect is easy and straightforward to deal with. The mental health needs of these patients is what I would like to feel more comfortable with. \n\nThank you in advance for any advice!\n\nEDIT: This is also my first time ever posting to Reddit, so I apologize if I made and newbie mistakes", "answer": "Hello! \n\nMy city has a unique program where I am a therapist with the fire department. We have two teams where one takes the 911 mental health calls and another team to follow up with services/referrals. \n\nHere are a few things: there will be some people that will exhaust all of their resources and their baseline feelings will be suicidal ideation. The best you can do is talk to them and do your due diligence. Many want to be heard, some just want negative attention. \n\nLook up motivational interviewing, with is what we mainly use as well as brief solution focused therapy (what do you need in the moment for you to thrive.) You can also look up grounding/deescalation techniques if they are getting worked up. You can also look up Mental Health First aid courses in your area and become certified (could potentially be a pay bump too.)\n\nAgain you probably have frequent flyers where you think \"oh great we are going to see X\", or \"I dealt with them last time it's your turn.\" That's typical for most first responders  but there is an underlying reason to these patient's behaviors. Some of these people just lack basic resources and don't necessarily know how to get them. There can be some broken links in the process especially if they are brought to the ER and are not set up with proper resources from the social workers at the hospital. Listen to them, hear their story, and see how you can help. If they are suicidal police would be able to put them on a 72 hour hold/eval. It helps with some and not others. Try to be supportive in the moment and see what they need/how you may help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8o17q4", "comment_id": "e00nw4v"}, {"question": "My mother just had blood tests and we're a bit worried about the results, we'd appreciate a second opinion", "description": "Age: 58\n\nSex: Female\n\nWeight: 150 Ib (68-67 Kg) \n\nHeight: 5'3 (1.60m)\n\nRace: Arab but looks caucasian idk\n\nMedications:Eutirox 75mg Levotiroxina Sodica for hypothyroidism \n\nshe previously had an operation to remove an enlarged Thyroid, she has to do regular checkups on her thyroid, in one of the checkups she decided to do a blood and vitamin D test and here are the results:\n\n[blood test results](https://drive.google.com/open?id=139b-DNJfqS6G2L1C45vde_jKypk-sveC) \n\nas you can here cholesterol levels are high and the doctor recommended a drug called \"Simvastatine\", and upon googling it (because I don't trust these 3rd-world hacks) i find out that it has some serious side effects like liver damage, \"lol just fix your cholesterol problem by destroying your liver bro\".\n\n[vitamin D results](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1RyK1K5nyTGCkgyK7bYTGrrEgqw_voNdh)\n\n[vitamin D prescription](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1OccUfPwZIEXPQQ6pjQbN6WZRbDdpWwtZ)\n\nthe prescription for vitamin D deficiency contains some back shots, are those really necessary? what are your general recommendations for her condition doctors?", "answer": "Simvastatin (and other statins) are very commonly prescribed. Liver enzyme elevation can happen, but it\u2019s relatively uncommon. Serious damage is very rare. Statins are one of the most prescribed drugs in the world and are safe and effective.\n\nThere\u2019s a surprising lack of good guidelines for vitamin D deficiency. Shots are reasonable. It\u2019s usually possible to use pills instead, but not always, and I wouldn\u2019t take over without information.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cgvzla", "comment_id": "eumatnx"}, {"question": "Adhd & social skills.", "description": "I manage to get over the anxiety of it but have trouble when thinking of what to say without sounding boring or rude. My mind goes blank. Also I don't show a lot of facial expression. Any tips?", "answer": "One suggestion is \"staying curious\" about the other person. If you find the issue when meeting new people, start by asking \"open ended questions\" such as questions that do not require a YES or NO response. Then be curious and reflect back to ensure understanding...\"wow that must have been a fun experience\" or \"what else is there to know about you?\".  The questions depend on the setting and topic. Remember if they cant accept you for you then it might not be worth the trouble to \"make\" them like you.  It is still anxiety provoking though trying to process information while remaining aware of subtle non-verbals. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7j5km7", "comment_id": "dr41di5"}, {"question": "Conversion syndrome/Disorder", "description": "Hi, my friend (16F, 189cm about 100kg) has recently been diagnosed with coversion syndrome/disorder and i was wondering if it's something the doctors diagnose you with if they dont know what it is? I would also like to know spicifically what it is beacuse each time the doctors have explained it the explanation is diffrent.", "answer": "My caution is that you\u2019re getting this second-hand from your friend. As has already been explained, conversion (functional neurological disorder) is a specific syndrome. It is the unconscious and unintentional production of signs and symptoms that appear neurological but do not seem to be produced by observable neurological damage. Sometimes no problem could possibly produce the symptoms; other times careful examination and testing does not find any such damage or problem. It\u2019s a diagnosis of exclusion in that it\u2019s identified when the problem isn\u2019t something else, like a stroke or epilepsy or nerve damage, but that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s a \u201cwe don\u2019t know\u201d giving-up. It\u2019s a specific phenomenon.\n\nBecause conversion is unconscious, she can\u2019t \u201cjust stop it\u201d because she isn\u2019t doing anything on purpose. Classically, it\u2019s a response to some psychological stress. In practice, the specific stress can be hard to identify, but the treatment of choice remains psychotherapy, sometimes focused on the symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hcerco", "comment_id": "fvf0ixn"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Approximately 38% of ADHDers have depression according to CHADD. The percentage is probably much higher than that, but lack of reporting and misdiagnosis skew the numbers.\n\nOne recent study showed that people with untreated ADHD are about 230% more likely to not respond fully to multiple antidepressants. Treating the ADHD reduces the risk of antidepressant resistance significantly.\n\nHope these couple tidbits are helpful.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a6fbwa", "comment_id": "ebudn0i"}, {"question": "I went to take my lexapro and somehow the pill was partly dissolved some how, and I had part of the dissolved pill touch my tongue. And I'm really concerned now.", "description": "24 Year old  Caucasian Male, 6FT, 0 IN. 215 LBS. \n\nMedicine: Lexapro, Clonazepam\n\nMedical  Conditions: Geberalized Anxiety  Disorder, Depression, Asperger's syndrome.\n\nSo I went to gi take my lexapro and somehow the pill got partially  dissolved. It was on a plate I had  a snack on and I didn't notice it as I went to go take it and I had part of the raw pill touch my tongue. I did not swallow it, I spit it out  and washed my mouth  out with water multiple times.\n\nNow I'm really concerned about that. Should I go into the er? I feel fine besides feeling a bit nervous  now because I want expecting that to happen. Please let me know if I ever exaggerating. Thank you.", "answer": "Pills are often water soluble, being slightly dissolved is unsurprising, and you're fine.\n\nUnless it dissolved in something toxic that somehow got on your plate, there's nothing to worry about\u2014and if your snack was toxic you have bigger problems. The only reason to swallow most pills whole is that they taste terrible. Lexapro is one of those.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cj46v4", "comment_id": "evb26v0"}, {"question": "Someone here will know...", "description": "I'm a bit of a mess. I'm looking for advice. I think I may need help.\n\nI'm at a (stuck in a?) stage of recovery where I usually don't drink or crave alcohol. (Yay.) I would like to abstain entirely. I keep getting caught (every few weeks over the last year or so) in social situations where its easier (in the moment at least) to just have a drink and fit in rather than talk about it. (Yeah - I need a new social life. Easier said than done.)\n\nI've recovered to this point from a time a few years ago when I was having 10-15 drinks every day. My tolerance is now (thankfully) quite low and when I have a drink or two I really feel it.\n\nI know this is a dangerous place. I've read Allan Carr and Annie Grace and The Big Book and I know I'm not special. I know I need to be stronger. I know that these few otherwise uneventful occasions with these few drinks are no proof that I can handle alcohol.\n\nIn my most recent lapse, someone I am fond of bought me a drink. I just couldn't say \"no\". The evening unfolded and by the end my tally was 1 Bud Light and 3-4 ounces of rum.\n\nNothing especially bad happened. I (predictably) slept poorly. I've had a couple of good nights sleep since. It seems to have wrecked my week since then. This is my third consecutive day of low mood and poor motivation.\n\n**Is it possible that 3 drinks are still messing with me emotionally 3 days later?**\n\nIf so it's really illustrating my need for sobriety. If not, then I suspect I have further underlying mental illness or life issues to deal with.\n\nI don't know if I'm bummed out as a natural outcome of being a recovering alcoholic, because of further underlying mental illness, just due to my general life situation, or what combination of \"all of the above\".\n\nMy employer offers and EAP program and I think I probably need to go (back) to it. In the meantime, thanks for any thoughts or perspective. I'm sure some of you have been through comparable experiences.\n\nIWNDWYT\n\nEdited to add - My flair is not accurate. I don't whether to have it reset or just removed. I'm not there yet. \n", "answer": "I had similar problems re mood and booze. I always thought it was a mood problem mostly. I'm alcohol free for 7 weeks, and while i still struggle with my mood I am in a much better position to stay in control of things that help me through. Having alcohol out of the picture really helps me to see whats what. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8rdtyw", "comment_id": "e0qnluu"}, {"question": "How do I know if my child has anxiety or another mental health condition in isolation? What do I do if they do?", "description": "I was  wondering what online resources there are for helping me work out if my son has a mental condition. I don't want to over-worry but at the same time with isolation it's hard for me to find time / get traditional help on this. Also worried that if we do find out any risks, how I can best act to help in an isolation environment.\n\nAny ideas?", "answer": "1. How old is your kiddo?       \n2. What are the things you are seeing that are leading you to ask this question?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggpqbu", "comment_id": "fq6l4yt"}, {"question": "How do I become a \"valuable\" group member?", "description": "I seem to have trouble becoming an important part of my friend groups. I mean, outside people DO consider me interesting, and I'm pretty confident and outspoken, but my friends never make effort to try to get me somewhere, none of the usual convincing or 'aww's when I can't make it, and they have never mentioned anything of how much they appreciate me, even though I have said and done a whole bunch for them.\n\nI've noticed that most people are like this, yet there is that ~3% of people who's absence you DO notice. People who are simply fun to be around, not necessarily of good character. I was wondering what it takes to become one of those people, how to become valuable. \n\nMy main trouble as far as socialization goes is quoting and pop-culture. I don't follow TV too well, and I'm so terrible at names that I can't talk about 'people' and actors and bands, also, I just can't join in the quote battles, I just don't remember them.\n\nAny advice or input?\n\n", "answer": "How is the way the group relates to you different from the way the group relates to others? You say for instance that they don't make a special effort to get you to come out to stuff. But if they don't make a special effort to get ANYONE to come out to stuff, then you are just as valuable of a group member as anyone else--the group just doesn't express value in that way.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "12s4sk", "comment_id": "c6xsvj6"}, {"question": "How do I keep a conversation rolling?", "description": "I can't talk to people.\n\nReally.\n\nIt's something that one of my friends recently pointed out. I'm always in the corner sorta distracted, trying to think of something clever or relevant to say but the moment has long passed and it's gone. I'm can't \"think on my feet\" so to say. Whenever I'm being teased about something, I never seem to be able to respond with something that turns their light jabs into playful retorts. Every joke falls flat, every conversation takes a nosedip when it's down to just me and them. I've tried listening to my own conversations and... it's just terrible. Think of any movie dialogue or story quote. Now add 50 \"uh's\", extended talks about something trivial, and little cause for interest. I'm trying to stay engaged but I lack knowledge in that field or I stumble over myself. I can't tell succinct stories. Every tangent deadends and there is no natural conclusion to a conversation, just that the other person is so perplexed they give up. My timing is really bad. I really want to be able to actively engage in conversation, play verbal sparring with my friends, tell intriguing stories from my life (I swear it's interesting, I just don't know how to phrase it), and give enough for the other person to respond back. But they try, I fail, and it's flat. How can I improve?\n\ntl;dr I can't keep a conversation partner. I need help.", "answer": "I wrote a free [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that you might find helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "53x4lm", "comment_id": "d7x52tn"}, {"question": "Downvotes", "description": "I don't understand people's mass downvotes everywhere else on Reddit. Nearly every time I post anywhere but here or r/pocketcamp, I end up getting downvotes (it's not like I was being rude or mean; I was \"joining the conversation\" or so I thought) and end up deleting it. \n\nAre people just big assholes downvoting for no reason? Like, how is that welcoming to other communities? (Especially the vegan community; why the mass downvotes for seeking clarification on something?) You're pushing people away from the trolley they seek. \n\nOr maybe it's a conspiracy? Trolls downvoting en mass to silence the sensitive. (That's literally what's happening in some conspiracy/Truther communities; the trolls taking over *to* silence the truth.)\n\nSorry for venting. Irl and online I don't often say much, because a lot of times when I open my mouth (or type) I end up being reminded \"Oh. Right. This is why I'm striving to not talk to anyone but my 4 year old.\" Tbh I'm even hesitant to hit Post because some mischievous imps may Downvote this just to fuck with me some more. It's fine. I'll say it's fine. I already want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hang on, though, for the only person who will miss me.", "answer": "It's hard not to separate it from a personal attack, but it's not a personal attack. It's usually a stranger on the internet who has a different opinion, or is an asshole. Neither of which make you awful or bad or less than. Never forget that! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9rktlx", "comment_id": "e8hoodf"}, {"question": "How do I learn coping skills that are not just avoidence.", "description": "My therapist says I need to learn how to deal with stress, fears, doubts, and pretty much anything negative that comes across... but she hasn't been very eager to tell me how. I draw a blank trying to think of ways to cope that aren't distraction. What do others do?", "answer": "Avoidance is not a way to cope at all. Individually, coping skills vary. Basically- you need to find what works for you. This can include journaling, physical activity, talking to someone, practice being assertive and getting your needs met, breathing or muscle relaxation techniques, etc. it all depends on who you are and what you're dealing with.\n\nIf your therapist is unable or unwilling to help you cope, then get a new one.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wk4on", "comment_id": "c5e5kmf"}, {"question": "Girl [21F] cancelled on me [21M] for school work", "description": "I started hanging out with this girl, and we started talking and flirting a bit. We ended up setting a lunch hang-out session after class and she cancelled it on the day of because\na)the class ended after lunch hour (around 2:00PM) b)she had a lot of studying to do after class\nShe said we could reschedule for some another time, but I didn't bother being enthusiastic about it yet because I'm the one who initiated the first hang-out in the first place. I'm losing interest in her as I thought she was interested in me judging by the way things were going. But thinking about it, if a girl really wanted to get to know me or liked me, she would go out of her trivial matters to make it happen. Am I overreacting or should I consider this a mismatch?\n\ntl;dr Girl canceled on a chance to hang out with me for school work, we've been flirting for a while and I thought she liked me. If she isn't willing to spare an hour of her life to a guy, it probably means that she's not into him?", "answer": "Maybe she's bit concerned about a long-term future with a guy that considers school work \"trivial?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20l92t", "comment_id": "cg4cpfb"}, {"question": "No sex/intamacy", "description": "I'm gonna try to get to the point but 1st a little back story. I was dating my bf for about a year when I found out I was pregnant. He was there and still is here but he is so disconnected. We used to have so much sex before and as soon as I became pregnant it lessened. He said he was uncomfortable because i was pregnant. After the baby was born it was the same thing. No sex. And I wasn't one of those women who forget about there spouse once I had the baby. As the baby got older still barely anything. 3 years later it's almost gone. We haven't had sex in 5 months. I have mentioned it to him during these years but nothing has changed. I know it's difficult adapting to parenthood when it was unplanned  but is it safe to say get over it? I know he has been stressed from work lately but as far as I know his job hasn't been stressing his life all this time. I used to try and have sex or even cuddle but being turned down every time has taken a toll on me so I stopped trying because he's not into it. We've had our issues where I was seeking attention from other men but I never took it any further than just texting and no nudes, but this no sex no intamacy thing happened way before that and I am no longer looking for attention from anyone else besides him. I just want to feel wanted and the lack of anything makes me bitch probably more than I should ( I haven't bought up sex in awhile because like I said I'm done getting turned down)  he says there's no other women but what man turns down sex? And then I'm deemed as crazy!", "answer": "you need a couples therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t9qm8", "comment_id": "ddl6m8o"}, {"question": "Therapist Said Something Interesting", "description": "She said she didn't agree with the all or nothing mindset around drinking. She said a lot of people think they have failed if they drink after days or months of sobriety and that starts a downward spiral of shame, regret and more drinking. She said in reality, for almost everyone, it's a process of sober periods and relapses and that it's not about \"failing\" but \"learning\" to be healthy. It takes time.  I thought I would share because it resonated with me.  Have a good night my people! ", "answer": "As a therapist and a sober alcoholic who has worked with a ton of addicts: you end up saying a lot of stuff because it\u2019s the right thing to say in that moment to that person. It\u2019s often a funhouse mirror to hear myself quoted out of context. \n\nI am a big believer in total abstinence, but I will harm reduction the shit out of anybody who wants that or who can\u2019t currently pull total abstinence off.  Relentless forward progress. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "72pbyb", "comment_id": "dnkev50"}, {"question": "I don't know why I hate my parents", "description": "For some reason, I don't like my parents, I think I know why but I don't know if it's a good enough reason to hate them. I can't tell if it's them or me and I'm just a immature teenager.\n\nThe reasons I think are the fault of my hatred are:\n- my father cheated on my mother for a while and I knew about it before my mother found out but I didn't tell her\n- my mother has blamed my siblings for her getting cancer and diabetes type 2\n- they argue almost 2-3 times a day\n- my parents are extremely religious and I'm an atheist yet they still force to go to church which makes me dislike it more and more the more days I go, not to mention that they force me to go to random shit I don't feel like doing because I know it will suck\n- they do not let me have my own choices\n\n", "answer": "Many people have parents who wouldn't be their friends if they weren't parents. So it's normal to 'love a parent' but not like the parent as a person. There is a lot of stress in your family. Try to emancipate yourself when you turn 18, and in the mean time, try to roll with it as best you can.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6uzrmg", "comment_id": "dlwn19t"}, {"question": "I want to feel connected to my husband again and I don't know how.", "description": "I'm [27/f] and lately, it feels me and my husband [28/m] have lost our connection to each other. I believe most of our problems began when we moved into his parent's very tiny and crowded house with our toddler [22mo/f]. I don't feel comfortable, but financial we are not in a situation where we can just move out. I believe a lot of our arguments stem from that issue. I try not to make it a big deal, but its seems like every face expression, sigh or lack of expression I make is scrutinized, even when I assure him it's related to other issues. Recently, he's been grumpier than usual and every time I try to talk to him he either rolls his eyes, is on his phone, or playing Madden. He plays Madden for 3 hours plus and while I understand gaming is used for stress relief this game gets him angry beyond reason and when's he playing he does not like to be distracted, which is impossible with our active toddler.  \n\nI sometimes feel resentment towards the game and his phone, because I feel underappreciated, and generally, like a burden when I ask him to stop playing. I feel pressured to be this super exciting person, with these amazing plans if I am going to interrupt his madden time, but usually, I don't have any plans I just want to feel connected to him again.\n\nI feel like I start a lot the arguments because I want something I am not sure I am going to get from him. \n\n", "answer": "start going on dates, just the two of you. that's how you connected in the first place. and come up with a quality time plan for everyday time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ba8g", "comment_id": "dgp9arm"}, {"question": "Mother drinking secretively. Should I tell my father?", "description": "I would very much appreciate some advice. Approx. 5 years ago I noticed that my mother was drinking secretively and I spoke to her about it. She said this was true and that she would stop. I didn't tell anyone else other than my partner. The process of me noticing the secret drinking, mentioning it to her and her saying she will stop has repeated about five times since.\n\nI quite recently told my sister, though my mother asking me not to do so. My sister has spoken to her about it, having found a few empty booze bottles hidden. My sister and I recently spoke to her together over the phone and we said she needed to tell my father or we would do it. She's refusing, giving a lot of excuses but none that seem any good to me (she thinks it will damage the relationship, he will feel so upset and guilty, things are so good with the two of them and this will spoil it, the secret drinking is in the past as she definitely won't do any more as our speaking to her like this has been a big deal and she and hasn't drunk secretively for four months and will only drink once a week and never secretively...).\n\nShe's desperate for us not to tell him and wants me to trust her that she's stopped. The situation is complicated by the fact that I live at the other side of the country and cannot tell how much she has really changed her behavior or if she has just altered it on the occasions when she's with me. I don't know what to do. I've seen her getting a bit drunk in a sad, angry way during public drinking too. I haven't seen this for several years, but I spend so little time with her in person that this doesn't tell me much.\n\nShe is literally begging me not to tell and I do think it's possible that my sister and I making a big deal out of it and threatening to tell my father has shocked her, and she may stop it. But it's so hard for me to monitor if she is doing it, I don't know how much of problem she has and if I'm enabling it and making it worse by keeping the secret or actually if it's not much of a problem, and I don't like keeping this secret from my father. I have no idea if she's an alcoholic. Is she asking me to keep a secret in a way that would be weird for most families? What's normal? Is it important that I tell my father? Thanks.\n\nedit: Things people have said I should address in this post: \n\nMy Dad is not against alcohol and drinks it.\n\nAs far as I know,she has not in the past been found to be an alcoholic - but IDK.\n\nAs far as I know, this habit is not damaging her financially.\n\nThe reasons she wants to hide it are imo: she uses it as a way of controlling unpleasant emotions - she says this is the case. She doesn't tend to share these emotions and reaching out for support - I think she has a low sense of self-worth and often doesn't believe how much people love her and how much it is fine for her to ask for support. She's instinctively scared of showing these emotions. She also feels my dad has been practically and emotionally unavailable, particularly in the past, so this way she has 'sorted out the emotions' without involving him. She likes to present an image that she is just fine so drinks in secret. She is secretive about other things too eg problems in her life.\n\nIf she is an alcoholic, I think she is a 'functioning' one.", "answer": "I'd be inclined to say something. Id rather alcohol dependant individuals recognised the consequences of their actions and subsequently think about changing their behaviours than becoming complacent and dying of all sorts of hideous complications.\n\nEdit: im an addictions psychiatrist. This is a women who should be in my services.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5245mt", "comment_id": "d7h8skl"}, {"question": "Mom's mental health is deteriorating. NHS have not spotted psychological symptoms. What can we do?", "description": "Female, age 55, height is 5\"4, weighs 55kg, non smoking, located in the UK.\n\nJust feel at a bit of loss right now and unsure what the right path is to make her better.\n\nShe's in her mid 50's and and has always been a bit socially awkward and has always shown signs of odd behaviour such as excessive hand washing, obsession with checking if doors are locked and lots of other strange behaviour. She's generally an ill case and regular has headaches, arm aches, back pains, experiences dizziness, suffers from diabetes, has chronic joint pains.\n\nI've inquired from family to try to understand what she was like when she was younger and I'm told she was always a bit ill when she was younger too and very reserved. \n\nIn addition, she always had an habit of \"becoming\" more of a patient as soon as a medical practitioner assesses her. It's really weird because she exaggerates her symptoms when being assessed and won't even realise she's doing it. I've seen this rile doctors up over the years and they typically get annoyed and fob her off with medication as mom makes it tricky for assessment because she 'overplays\" her pain. When you question her why she does this, she doesn't understand why we would ask such a question. It's as if she goes into a trance and becomes irrational.\n\nIn the last few months she's become much much worse and her symptoms have worsened to the point I feel afriad of leaving her alone.\n\nLately she experiences a tightness in her right arm which renders her immobile for periods of up to 2 hours, she trembles uncontrollably and becomes unable to comprehend what is going on. This has happened 4 times now and we've called the ambulance twice who found nothing after doing there tests.\n\nIn conclusion, we think it's an onset of some form of dementia maybe :(. We think that because, if we talk about certain things that she likes, it is possible to temporarily distract her from her pain.\n\nWe've had no luck with NHS and considering private psychiatric treatment but don't know where to start.\n\nAny advice or insights are welcome.\n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Don't think it's dementia but she sounds like she may have some psychological challenges. It would be the GP in the first instance. Does she think she has a problem? If not there's not much you can do unless there's an acute risk to herself or others.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f0omsn", "comment_id": "fgvxefl"}, {"question": "Went to my first AA meeting this morning", "description": "It was - overwhelming.  I'm still trying to work through everything, it wasn't scary and everyone was ridiculously nice.  I was shocked at how big the group was for a 6:30 am meeting. ", "answer": "If you have questions, ask us. We have people here who know what they're talking about.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jf318", "comment_id": "cbe3esj"}, {"question": "Abusive relationship?", "description": "Hi,\n\nMy wife [40/f] and I [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.\n\nI think I have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. A few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while I was driving over a trivial argument. This weekend, again while I was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.\n\nI am not sure what to do, and I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "She's totally abusive. If you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. Or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "dnk37y4"}, {"question": "The Lonely Paradox: Who wants some friends, but hates dealing with people?", "description": "You can punch me for that title... Okay, it's not that I *hate dealing with people*, but as most introverts will tell you, it can be extremely draining at the best of times.\n\nI've caught myself going around in a loop, particularly with this one friend of mine. I'll be sitting in my sad corner, going 'boo hoo, why does no one care about me', etc... Then through events outwith my control, fate steers me back into contact with one of the few people who can actually understand me. \n\nWhat do I do with that pot of luck? I take a deep breath and sigh, wishing they hadn't bothered. Damned if they do and damned if they don't, right? \n\nI'm never one to reach out to my friends, because let's face it, they don't *really* wanna see me (I'm not an, err... interesting person). When one person in our group does take the initiative and invites me out, it brings all of these pressures and expectations, doubts and conspiracies... Making me count the seconds until I can finally be alone and comfortable again.\n\nBelieve it or not, I do want friends. Not the 'duuude I'm so waaasted' kind, I'd prefer someone who I can actually open up to. As a guy in the middle of guytown, that's clearly not going to happen anytime soon.\n\nI'm not really hoping for some win-all cure-all here, because I know the problem is in my head. I just wanted to know if there's anyone else out there, who has a hard time forcing themselves into friendship circles they don't feel like they belong in, because they have no other options.\n\nI may have just described how every human being on the planet has felt at one point or another, but it was worth a shot.\n\n**TL;DR: Is it normal to pity yourself for not making friends, have *air-quote* friends drop out of the sky onto you, shake them off and start complaining about still being alone? No, just me? :(**", "answer": "Finding fault with people precedes rejecting them. To stop being lonely stop finding fault with them and stop rejecting them. Cultivate kindness and consideration and look for others discomfort and make some attempt to relieve it. Compassion and kindness opposes fault finding and accepts that each person has intrinsic worth. Your intrinsic worth is your potential for good. This potential can be encouraged and supported. See others potential for good and help them realize it. Then you will never be lonely.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4oqcah", "comment_id": "d4fdqyj"}, {"question": "Why do I have trouble socializing for long periods of time?", "description": "I dunno, after awhile lately I just kinda seem to tap out. Like recently at a friends party I was originally gonna spend the night (which was never a problem before) but like I almost wanted to cry because I needed to leave it was so bad.\nToday I hosted a Christmas party and it happened again. The party was only from 5pm-10pm but still, around 8, I started to tap out and I just wasn\u2019t feeling it anymore, and by 9:30-ish I just kept hoping everyone would just leave. \nI wasn\u2019t having a bad time either of these occasions, I just stopped being able to handle it after awhile. I\u2019m not sure why this has been happening... I\u2019ve noticed it at a lot of family get togethers, too. This is all new, I\u2019ve never had this problem before...\n", "answer": "Could indeed have multiple reasons, but I get the sense that people who feel this really intensely tend to not \"just be introverted\", but actually suffer from self-image / esteem issues, where they are constantly making an effort to figure out how to behave in that situation or with certain people, instead of just being themselves as they are in that moment. Of course, this is very tiring, and makes you feel like tapping out after a while.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7kcoto", "comment_id": "dregu7f"}, {"question": "Anyone else so angry for so long they're numb", "description": "Like I don't get angry anymore I just don't care.\n\nBut I can feel it inside me, it's like that scene in avengers when the hulk says how he controls his anger...\"I'm always angry\"", "answer": "Thank you. ", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "8bs5qr", "comment_id": "e1x4815"}, {"question": "Nitroglycerin drug metabolism interaction", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI'm a male, 24 years old, 5ft9 and 75 kgs.\n\nI've searched all over Google but couldn't find a definitive answer. Was hoping one of you could clarify for me. Does nitroglycerin inhibit/induce the metabolism of other drugs, specifically diazepam? If so, how and which ones?\n\nAs far as I found it does not inhibit any of the major enzymes, and I found no other mention of potential interactions.\n\nEdit; Thank you for the big response. I feel i should give some more information. I was diagnosed with heart disease 1,5 years ago. For the last 6 months, i've taken the exact same drugs/supplements:\n\nI was diagnosed with heart disease 1,5 years ago. For the last 6 months, i've taken the exact same drugs/supplements:\n- Nicorandil 20mg x2 daily\n- Ranolazine (Ranexa) 500mg x2 daily\n- Bisoprolol 2,5mg x2 daily\n- Omega 3 fish oil x 2 daily\n- Vitamin A, B, C, E supplement x 1 daily\n- N-acetylcysteine 600mg x2 daily\n- Magnesium malate 2000 mg daily\nI do not drink grapefruit juice. \n\nAside from these drugs/supplements, i was prescribed 2mg Xanax daily 1,5 years ago as they suspected my symptoms were due to a panic disorder. As soon as it was clear that it was heart disease, i started a taper to get off Xanax. Over the course of 5 months i gradually tapered down from 2 mg's xanax daily to 1 mg. At that point, i was switched from 1mg xanax to 8mg diazepam over the course of 1 month (November). I tolerated the switch without any problems other than ringing ears. In december I was on 8 mg diazepam daily (4x2mg every 6 hours) without tapering down, to adjust to the diazepam. I take my medication on a fixed schedule. I'm 100% positive i never miss a dose or take a dose twice, as i prepare my doses for a few days at a time. I do not drink any alcohol, soft drink and i do not smoke.\n\nIn the first 4 weeks of 8mg diazepam daily and no more xanax, everything felt pretty stable, with some mild withdrawal symptoms but overall far better compared to xanax alone. One week ago, out of the blue, I felt extremely sedated by the exact same doses i was taking before. Nothing has changed regarding my diet, medication, lifestyle,.. The only thing i can think of that isn't planned out and used 'as needed' are nitroglycerin patches, which i use at random, maybe 2-3 days a week.\n\nMy main concern is obviously that i don't want to go backwards in my taper. However, I do not understand what would cause me to feel this sedated while nothing has changed.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "How much diazepam are you prescribed?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "efgpbv", "comment_id": "fc0tfry"}, {"question": "Nausea after 10 days of Prednisone?", "description": "I just got off of a 10 day course of Prednisone. I was on 40 mg for 5 days, then 20 mg for 5 days. I took my last pill on Sunday, and since then, I\u2019ve been very tired and have a headache, nausea, and very little appetite. I\u2019ve heard of prednisone withdrawal, but I didn\u2019t think it would happen after such a short dose. Does this sound like withdrawal? And is there anything I can do to make it stop? ", "answer": "Being on prednisone feels weird, and sometimes great but sometimes bad. Nausea can be a side effect of prednisone and more commonly nausea and loss of appetite can be from withdrawal. You don't have adrenal suppression that require a taper after only 10 days, but you certainly can feel the effects. It'll wear off in a few days, but those days can be unpleasant in all kinds of ways.\n\nI say this as a doctor, but also from experience as someone who has had a few short courses of post-surgical prednisone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9is5z4", "comment_id": "e6m0wz8"}, {"question": "Is ischemic colitis a form of ulcerative colitis?", "description": "Is ischemic colitis still classified as an autoimmune disease?  ", "answer": "No, it is not. Ischemic colitis is a disease of oxygenation, circulation, and blood supply, not autoimmunity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8yg7d3", "comment_id": "e2aphxy"}, {"question": "Don't want to get my paycheck.", "description": "I tried to stop 9 days ago as my badge says but I failed. Last sunday I drank the last beer and wasn't able to buy anymore alcohol because I'm broke right now, credit cards are maxed out because I spent most of my money on booze and junk food. \n\nToday is my 4th day alcohol-free and I get paid tomorrow. I'm afraid I will give in to my cravings and ruin it all because I'll have money to buy alcohol. I've been feeling happier and I don't want 20% of my paycheck to be wasted on alcohol anymore. I've been reading this sub every day for the last 4 days and it's really encouraging. Thanks for putting your heart and experiences here, I don't feel so alone anymore.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being honest. Your goal is to just get through each 5 minutes and if you can't trust yourself 100% with the money, bring protection. Bring a family member or friend along to make sure the check gets spent. Hell, pay them to come along because we aren't here to help you save money, you're here to save yourself. I'll like that you are being honest, but also believe you need to be realistic with your preparation. Don't pick up the check until you know you can get the money to where it needs to go. Some people end up spending extra money frivolously for a few weeks or a month and that's okay because as long as your bills get paid and you have enough food, having money may be a really bad idea. Just for now. For right now do what you need to. Later on you'll be the one going with someone else to get their check but right now keep yourself safe. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "62iggh", "comment_id": "dfmx8n3"}, {"question": "Let's start a \"Don't you hate it when you...\" thread..I'll go first.", "description": "DYHIWY think something is not safe where it is, and you think of a very logical safe place to put it, and then you forget where it is? \n\nI backed up all my 2017 and 2018 files onto a thumb drive a few weeks ago when my hard drive started going bad, and I clearly remember thinking I needed to put it into a safe place. The logical safe place would have been in the plastic box with my computer accessories in  it, but it's not there. It's not in the second most logical place or the third. It's basically lost, so I have to go get one tomorrow so I can do it all over again before the hard drive conks out. \n\nBut that's not the worst one I've done. I once felt like my bike lock keys - both sets - were not safe where they were, so I moved them. I ended up having to have a friend grind the locks off and buy new ones so I could use my bike. ", "answer": "Don't you hate it when you start a filing system only to file things away and forget where you put them so you go back to the good ol' \"putting things in piles\" method.  Which never fails!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7z0x25", "comment_id": "dukmvzj"}, {"question": "POCD", "description": "Can anyone tell me how they are on their way (if not already) to overcoming it? Or Harm OCD.... Or any other similar type of OCD\n\nBecause this is rock bottom. And I am seriously struggling to cope. Out of all of the obsessions I've had over my life and manifestations of OCD, these are the intrusive thoughts I just can't handle", "answer": "Have you tried therapy? Or, have you gone through an OCD workbook? There is a ton of great info out there that is research based that can help if you try it. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "56roy8", "comment_id": "d8lykmr"}, {"question": "Should I end a toxic friendship?", "description": "So, this may be a long post but I became friends with this guy at school about a year ago, and he has the tendency to hate everyone around him and only wants to constantly hyper analyze everyone and criticize them for the smallest things. When I try and steer the conversation toward more positive topics or try and be positive at all, he seems to get offended and think I'm \"taking sides.\" He has become increasingly clingy as well, not allowing me much space for myself and he seems to get offended if I am nice or make small talk with anyone else in class. I find that I am drained after being around him and that the friendship is turning to be very isolating and toxic. I'm not sure how to get space since we go to school with each other. I feel bad, because he is constantly buying me things and taking me out to dinner, but it really brings me down to have to constantly participate in the endless shit talking of people. I am just finding that I begin to feel suffocated when around him, and he makes us go to an isolated room to avoid the other people in class during our breaks and runs when they enter the elevator to avoid them, which makes it very awkward for me, because the members of our class haven't really done anything wrong in my opinion, he just finds them \"annoying.\" What should I do? I would like some opinions from an outside view since I am still even feeling a little bit of guilt about even resorting to this post, but I am utterly drained and confused.", "answer": "hard to see what you're getting out of this! yes, very toxic", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74x7ah", "comment_id": "do1qwqd"}, {"question": "I don't belong in society", "description": "I couldn't decide between /foreveralone or /depression, either way - Im so out of my skin I don't feel human. What to do when everything you could possibly try fails? I keep breaking down, ugh.", "answer": "Everyone belongs. There are 7 billion people on the planet- each with their own personality, quirks and issues- no one is the same. Yet, they all find their own niche and part of society. You are no different.\n\nDepression has a way of clouding how we think, so that we only see the negatives. If you can, I'd suggest you seek some counseling- that way they can help you navigate your issues with you and help you be comfortable with yourself, and with society.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "rsnxm", "comment_id": "c48cdnn"}, {"question": "Fuck the people who did this to us until I die", "description": "Everyone here reading this, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry for whoever made this happen to you, or even to whatever genetic factors may have given you this illness without trauma. I'm so sorry.\n\nI may be loaded but say it with me now: fuck who did this to us. It may now be our responsibility to deal with our feelings, but they gave these feelings to us, and I'm angry. I'm so angry.\n\nHow dare you touch a child like that? Show a child images like that? HOW DARE YOU? I'm angry. I'll die angry. Reddit tells me \"holding onto anger is unhealthy.\" Okay, well, its the only thing that keeps me alive. I'm angry, I don't deserve this, the people who created it should be punished. I will die angry, and that is rational and valid.", "answer": "Your aren't responsible for what you have but you are responsible for what you do with it. What will you do with this anger? Something productive?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ehi1tr", "comment_id": "fcjx443"}, {"question": "girl liking me help", "description": "There is this girl that I graduated high school with (both 18) and we have hung out to smoke maybe twice and I\u2019ve seen her at a few parties but we have never really talked.\nMe and her both recently got out of relationships so we hung out, smoked and then did the adult deed. A day or two after she was texting me asking if we were just fuckbuddies or if we were talking etc. and all of her texts have heart emojis and her saying \u201chow cute and funny I am\u201d even though we have literally hung out twice ever and she knows nothing about me \n\nI just wanted some consensual sex and it\u2019s not like I wouldn\u2019t want to talk to her it\u2019s just we have never talked about ourselves or anything personal. I don\u2019t want to lead this girl on to think that we are talking but I still want to have sex with her. \n\nAny thoughts are appreciated ", "answer": "The best thing that you can do for the both of you is be honest and straight forward.  Basically let her know that you're down to hang out like before, but you're not interested in any type of relationship and looking to keep things more casual.  \n\n\nSo long as you're straight forward with it, it's up to her to decide if she's okay with that or not.  \n\n\nThe only way you come out being the bad guy here is if you lead her on or aren't clear with your intentions.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zca5r", "comment_id": "e2hmni5"}, {"question": "How long should I wait before smoking weed again?", "description": "I have been a pretty heavy consumer of weed for the past two years smoking almost a quo or two a week at my peak, but recently I decided to stop due to anxiety and panic attack issues. I do not know if weed is the root cause of these issues but I have not smoked on the weekdays during these past couple of weeks and my anxiety has drastically decreased. Will smoking once or twice a week put me back up to my prior anxiety level or will it continually decrease with less marijuana consumption? Any input would be appreciated.", "answer": "Different strains of weed affect anxiety differently and different people respond to weed differently. The safest thing is just to not do it, but only you can know how you will respond. If stopping weed reduced panic attacks and they come back when you start again, then you will know for sure.  If your panic is so scary it's not worth finding the answer, then I'd let it go.  Weed is only one of a million pleasurable things in the world, most of which won't physiologically increase anxiety. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5qf1xj", "comment_id": "dcyr590"}, {"question": "What helped me early on in the process", "description": "I thought I would share a bit of what I went through early on in the process, in hopes it may help some of the other people just starting out. \n\nVery early on in my sobriety, I would tell people AND myself I don't drink. I wanted to be very clear in the wording with the word \"don't\" over \"can't\". For me, it made a huge difference. I liken it to the way I don't smoke either. It isn't that I \"can't\" smoke, because I certainly could, I just don't - for whatever reason that is. The reason I don't smoke is the same reason I don't drink. \n\nFor me, it helped me relax a bit more when I was around alcohol or around other people drinking. IF I was offered, and I was a few times, I would respond with \"No, thanks. I don't drink.\" \n\nFor me, the difference in words and mindset between \"don't\" and \"can't\" made all the difference in the world. \n\nHope this was helpful. ", "answer": "Saved and saved. What a great way to put it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4kzyuh", "comment_id": "d3jsjf5"}, {"question": "PCOS and high tesosterone...just started minastrin...what are your experiences?", "description": "Hi all!\n\nI have been off bc for two years,and after my diagnosis of PCOS (with high tesosterone in my blood test, a lovely cyst, and really irregular periods) I have started minastrin fe. \n\nMy question for yall, did anyone notice and differences in their body after the introduction of bc hormones? I know that everyone is different...but perhaps there are some commonalities?", "answer": "My impression is that OCPs sort of mask the problem. They actually make insulin resistance worse and while they do decrease the risk of endometrial cancer because they allow your uterine lining to shed at least once every 3 months, it doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is the cruel cycle of excess fat --> excess estrogen and testosterone --> insulin resistance --> excess fat and so on. Spironolactone is an anti-androgen so it will inhibit the conversion of inactive to more potent/active testosterone and possibly help your hirsutism (if you have hirsutism). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3pmvma", "comment_id": "cw8gzyw"}, {"question": "Stabbed myself while injecting owl with alcohol", "description": "Hi all, let\u2019s cover the basics\nAge:20\nGender:Female\nRace: Caucasian \nHeight and weight:5\u20193\u201d and 120lbs\nMedications: Prozac, Valium, and hydroxyzine\nLocation: Geographically I\u2019m in Northwestern Montana. On my body it\u2019s my thumb\n\nOkay so on to the issue. I was recently lucky enough to be granted the opportunity from Fish and Game to work on a burrowing owl for my local museums bird exhibit. Well I decided to mummify him as opposed to doing a traditional taxidermy piece as he is so small and fragile. This means I had to fill his body with isopropyl alcohol. When I was injecting him, the needle went through his leg and through my glove, and stabbed me in the thumb. I squeezed out a lot of blood and then washed my hands thoroughly before soaking it in more rubbing alcohol. I have really bad anxiety and am just curious if there is anything I should be majorly worried about? Thanks all.", "answer": "poor owl!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c47td3", "comment_id": "erwl5ap"}, {"question": "My [21/M] Own Self-Doubt & Anxiety Could Kill the Potential Best Relationship of my Life. Help!", "description": "So I'm more or less in love with my best friend [20/F], who I've known since high school and always had feelings for. Due to complications with my previous relationship, we hadn't been able to talk until after my former relationship ended. After reconnecting with her, my feelings were just as strong. Last week, I decided to tell her how much I like her and she told me that she was starting to develop feelings for me, too. We've hung out a fair bit over the past week or so, but I'm scared I might be annoying her and that I might unintentionally push her away because I might seem clingy, but I'm scared to ask if I'm bothering her because I don't want to sound even more neurotic and insecure by asking that and I'm scared that by trying to get closer, I might actually end up doing the opposite. Heck, it might turn our that she doesn't even think I'm being clingy, but the fact that I even brought it up might make me seem weak. Am I looking too deep into this? She's the only girl I've ever felt this deeply for and I'm scared that the opportunity of my lifetime might escape from me. What should I do?", "answer": "please find a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6sd5ag", "comment_id": "dlbuoq8"}, {"question": "Complete loss of control and the system is not helping me..", "description": "I\u2019ve really lost my head. Mental health have got involved and played on the idea of a personality disorder of sorts but have gone no further than that. It\u2019s getting bad now, I\u2019ve become unknowingly reckless which is a hard statement to comprehend. I live with my girlfriend but she\u2019s struggling to cope and I keep having episodes and during these I have complete time gaps the only reason I know is because she tells me, records them to remind me that I keep getting points where I\u2019m not longer me and I don\u2019t know who me is anymore. I hear voices that don\u2019t fit, this man keeps trying to take me away and I don\u2019t know where I tell him to leave me alone but he persists. My therapist no longer knows what to do as I am getting worse and worse I only get small moments of time now where I can reflect. I feel that I am becoming a danger to others and myself but mental health have got an appointment 2 months away for me and I fear that I may not be here in two months and I\u2019m not sure whether that will be suicide or whether I\u2019ll just become so lost that Jamie won\u2019t exist anymore this thing inside me will just take over. I\u2019m unsure if I should section myself but I\u2019m scared. ", "answer": "If you're afraid that you may be a danger to yourself or others, go to a hospital for an evaluation.  It's always MUCH MUCH MUCH better if you go on your own instead of getting to the point where the police or a medical professional involuntarily hospitalizes you.  If you go on your own, you have a lot more control over the situation and it has far less long-term consequences.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91uaja", "comment_id": "e30vd8y"}, {"question": "I ruined group discussion.", "description": "There was around 8 of us who was supposed to speak on \"cucumber\". That was the topic for our group discussion. I literally had nothing to offer. I was about to breakdown seeing others being so confident. In the end I ruined the situation to worst by telling \"make sure you buy a long cucumber\". Soon after I said that everyone started laughing at my face. The little confidence that I had also got smashed. Feeling so worthless. Fuck I want to go back to my shell rn. I'm such a pussy, who couldn't even speak a proper sentence. Terrible. ", "answer": "Even though after reading this it seems like you didn't do it on purpose.... nobody else knows that.  It's pretty funny and if someone said that, I'd probably laugh.  I'd probably also think they were pretty bold and awesome.  The type of person and with the type of sense of humor I'd want to be friends with.  \n\n\nSome people might be offended, but given they laughed, they probably weren't.  As Ahren said, it's all a matter of perspective.   ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8ut6nh", "comment_id": "e1i4a72"}, {"question": "What's the best way to say you're not interested after a first date that went really well?", "description": "This happens to me more than I would like - I go out with a great guy, we have a lot in common...there's no chemistry (IMO), but the dude is still interested in another date. I don't really like ghosting people or lying to them (i.e. the ex is back yada yada). What's a nice way to say I had a nice time but one date was enough? ", "answer": "I had a nice time, but I'm looking for something different. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ah3l8", "comment_id": "dheif4x"}, {"question": "How should I cope with depression while in a committed relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m in a year long relationship, and I\u2019ve had depression on and off before and during the relationship. When my emotions get the best of me, my partner will tell me that I need to do more to combat my depression and prevent the build up of emotions from happening. At one point, my partner told me I was being selfish for not trying hard enough to get out of depression because it was taking a toll on our relationship. My former therapist believed that I was putting too much of the responsibility on myself and that there should be efforts coming from both people in the relationship. If I was single, then she believed I needed to take the responsibility for coping with depression. My partner is technically trying to help me by telling me to go outside, but he doesn\u2019t ask to be involved. I don\u2019t typically ask him to be involved either due to his reluctance for going outside because of his schedule or allergies. On the few times I have asked, something else came up or my partner wasn\u2019t in the mood.\n\nYears before I leaned on a previous partner for my depression and put him as my source for happiness. Everything hurt so much more when we broke up, and I took it as a lesson that I shouldn\u2019t depend on other people to help me through depression or they\u2019ll leave or I\u2019ll end up even worse. I accepted my current partner\u2019s advice because it\u2019s still helpful advice to follow if I was single, but my former therapist stressed that I shouldn\u2019t have to carry all the weight by myself.\n \nIs it healthy to be in a committed relationship but feel like you have to cope with depression alone?", "answer": "Disclaimer: I can only go off what you have written at face value,  and I have never met you or your partner. \n\nThere are a few things going on here .\n\n1. From what you described , your partner is being unhelpful (probably unintentionally), for example by seeing depression as something you can easily overcome. \n\n2.Unfortunately,  there is very little good information available to partners / loved ones of depressed people. The majority of info says \"get them the help they need\" but there is very little support for what to do when therapy and meds aren't helping.  Partners often have no idea what to do, even when they want to be supportive. \n\n3. It is true that only you can be responsible for your mental health . You acknowledged the problems you had when you depended on a partner for happiness .\n\nSo what is the answer ? I think a black/white view (depend on someone for happiness vs. Go at it alone) is unhelpful.  A good middle ground is taking responsibility but also being open about what helps and what doesn't . \n\nAn analogy I use a lot is cancer.\n\nIf you had cancer , what support would you want from your partner ? It would still be your responsibility to get treatment , make and keep appointments,  take meds.  Your partner hopefully would not blame you or claim to have a magic solution . Your partner would hopefully encourage and support your efforts to get better and also understand the illness .\n\nObviously,  tweak this to fit your needs and personality.  If this feels right to you,  it may be worth discussing with your partner.\n\nYout partner may also benefit from his own therapy.  Loving someone with an illness you don't understand can be really hard. He may gain useful tools for dealing with his own feelings and better understanding yours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f7wlgg", "comment_id": "fika5eo"}, {"question": "My CBT therapist \"fired\" me on Friday", "description": "I went to my usual bi-weekly CBT session on Friday with my usual therapist, and after talking to me for a few minutes, she said, \"maybe I'm not the person to help you anymore.\"  To be fair, she is a CBT specialist, and I should really be in DBT considering my BPD diagnosis (damn that's a lot of acronyms).  She told me to not think of this as an abandonment, and that after I get some DBT under my belt  that I could come back and see her again.  But that I needed to do at least 8 - 12 weeks of DBT first.\n\nSo while I am excited to finally be trying DBT, the therapist she referred me to is in another county and can't see me until March 8.  So I have to go 5 weeks with no therapy (just the occasional psychiatry visit to monitor my bipolar meds) and when I do get therapy, it will be a long drive both ways.\n\nI'm sad, excited, nervous, everything all at once.  Has anyone else ever been fired as a patient?", "answer": "I've been \"referred out\" from 3,and i left one. It's shitty", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5r3aie", "comment_id": "dd4njce"}, {"question": "I'm gonna do this exposure even if I think it'll make things bad", "description": "I have scrupulosity OCD, and when I was buying travel items for my vacation a woman let me go in front of her in line. This was super nice of her, but because of my OCD I thought that I \"skipped her\" and that I sinned even though I offered her to go in front of me and she said it was ok. For some reason my OCD made me think my items were contaminated and that if I used them on my trip it would trigger my other obsessions. I'm gonna go through with bringing the items as an exposure, because I don't want the OCD to have control over my life.", "answer": "This is great...barring the possibility that this post is actually a compulsion of confession, and you understand that your OCD fears may return whether or not you use your items because you cannot have certainty and complete control of your thoughts or future... That said, enjoy your trip!! ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "6qbjtx", "comment_id": "dkwaciv"}, {"question": "How can I tell if I have ocd, or if I'm just fucked up. 13 male with t1 diabetes", "description": "will provide details if anyone decides to respond.", "answer": "Well maybe you should tell us why you think you have OCD (which I bet you don't)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sbx0b", "comment_id": "dlbli2k"}, {"question": "Sometimes it hits me really hard that I will die one day. When this happens, I can't think about anything else and am consumed with crippling dread. What should I do when this happens?", "description": "I am generally extremely happy with my life. Usually, I am thinking about something happy, and I suddenly remember that life is temporary. The worst part for me is when I realize (again) that I will stop existing forever one day. For example, thoughts like \"I will never get to hug my sister again if one of us dies,\" hit me. The idea that people stop existing in their minds when they die is horribly disturbing to me.\n\nI have no idea what to do because I'm a very logical person. I know there's nothing I can do about dying, and I just want to be happy. But I can't stop this from happening. ", "answer": "You need to shift your attention away from your thoughts,  because on the scale you\u2019re considering, the dread is appropriate: everybody dies and all our human attachments and ambitions are lost.  Thinking about it won\u2019t help. \n\nStill, you are alive, and the quality and conduct of your life has value and meaning to you and everyone you come in contact with.  That\u2019s available now.\n\nFear death?  Live now. Go hug your sister or at least call her. Cherish the life you have. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "77c8gr", "comment_id": "dokqkng"}, {"question": "Recovery memoirs (books) really help me. Any suggestions for some good ones?", "description": "Here's the ones I've already read and enjoyed:\n\n\"Blackout\" by Sarah Hepola\n\n\"Girl Walks Out of a Bar\" by Lisa Smith\n\n\"Dry\" by Augusten Burroughs\n\n\"Lit\" by Mary Karr\n\n\"Drinking: A Love Story\" by Caroline Knapp\n\n\"Dying for a Drink\" by Amelia Baker\n\n\"Mrs D is Going Without\" by Lotta Dann (didn't really like this one)\n\n\"You Left Early\" by Louisa Young\n\n\"Between Breaths\" by Elizabeth Vargas\n\n\"Woman of Substances\" by Jenny Valentish\n\n\"How to Murder Your Life\" by Cat Marnell\n\n\"The Sober Diaries\" by Clare Pooley (didn't really like this one)\n\n\"Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife\" by somebody I didn't like so I threw this one away\n\n\"The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober\" by Catherine Gray\n\n\"High Sobriety\" by Jill Stark\n\nI'm not a fan of the \"how to stop drinking\" self-help genre.", "answer": "I like A Million Little Pieces by James Frey specifically after reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. They are unrelated at first but The Things They Carried is the most important book written in the past 100 years (IMO) because it sets the stage for the awareness of all other subjective narrative work. \n\nJames Frey went on Oprah and was later called out for \"lying\" in his memoir. It was almost hilarious to see the general literary  and recovery community turn on him for lying about his addiction experience when isn't that exactly what addiction would have one do? I quite liked the book and having more than a little experience in addiction treatment before I read it, I didn't care if it was \"real\" or not because it had to be written like that.  The fact that the larger public loved it when they thought it was real proved why addicts feel this way. \n\nAnyway, that's my idea. Read TTTC because it's super important for understanding any memoir/novel/account/story and then read whatever after. \n\nBut seriously, read This Naked Mind or Allan Carr too.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "crwvn1", "comment_id": "excqwxk"}, {"question": "Anyone else think their bpd is a consequence of emotional neglect during childhood/adolescence from parents", "description": "My psychologist told me \u201cbpd tends to occur when someone\u2019s needs wherent met during childhood\u201d and I\u2019ve been thinking about it a lot \nWhen I was a child and adolescent my parents rly invalidated my feelings bc \u201cI was so lucky and I should be grateful\u201d even tho I was going thru heavy emotional shit bc of bpd and my bipolar 2\nI\u2019m rly conflicted abt my parents now bc I love them but that shit was so damaging and just made me feel intensely guilty ", "answer": "It's CPTSD then. Try Pete Walker's book", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9r6uwm", "comment_id": "e8epzoj"}, {"question": "\u201cLet us go forward together, the struggle continues.\u201d Senator Bernie Sanders", "description": "I am angry. I am afraid. I am sad. I am in mourning.\n\nI fear for the country. I fear for our souls.\n\nWhat is to become of us.\n\n\nI will not drink with you today.", "answer": "I know this is tame, but please, I implore people to please, please, please keep anything even remotely political off of this sub. This is for all people who want to stop drinking. These things have a way of taking a life of their own and becoming decisive and negative quickly no matter the intent.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fx999c", "comment_id": "fmuos07"}, {"question": "Need a physician to tell me if I\u2019m treatable or gonna have to live a life of chronic pain...", "description": "I\u2019m 26 male, who\u2019s 5\u20195\u201d who lives in British Columbia. East Indian ethnicity. Duration on injury is two months. Medication is mainly Ibuprofen. \n\nIs this treatable or am I gonna have chronic pain forever....\n\nAugust 2019 injured my lower back running. Diagnosed as a muscle strain...December 2019 injured lower back again.\n\nWent to my doctor who ordered an X-Ray. The results were:\n\n\u201cThere is no sign of spondylolisthesis. No other abnormality seen in the vertebral elements of the intervertebral discs.\u201d \n\nIt continues....\n\n\u201cMild to moderate lumbosacral facet arthrosis. L5/S1 disc moderate disc narrowing is likely developmental with no degenerative secondary changes\u201d \n\nBased on this X-ray report...my pain is most likely due to the facet joint, right? \n\nMy symptoms are as followed\n\n-pain is only on the right side lower back\n-pain is triggered when bending backwards or sitting\n-pain is not always constant.\n-basically pain free when active or laying down\n\nMy doctor gave me hope by saying this issue is treatable, but it\u2019s been a few weeks. I\u2019m finding it less likely that it is. \n\nLooking for some insight from some you guys on this issue. Is this issue treatable? Recovery time? Recommendations? What should be my next steps?", "answer": "There's very poor correlation between imaging and pain. Some spines look like disasters but feel fine, and other time the imaging is pretty unremarkable but the pain is severe. As long as there's no acute problem picked up, an X-ray or MRI can't tell you much.\n\nThe usual best recommendation for back pain is physical therapy. If you need a referral, ask your doctor. Otherwise, go find a physical therapist. (Not a chiropractor!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eymehj", "comment_id": "fgk4nbx"}, {"question": "What are the long term side effects of taking SSRIs?", "description": "I have been taking citalopram for about 5-6 years now at varying doses 20-40mg and was wondering what the long term effects of taking an SSRI are. Also, is it possible to start developing side effects after taking the medication for an extended period of time? Thanks for your help! ", "answer": "Long term effects vary, but thankfully nothing sinister. Compare the risks of being on an SSRI and having untreated depression - which is definitely high risk for both mental and physical health.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5118in", "comment_id": "d7930my"}, {"question": "Therapist always asks how I feel about that", "description": "When the answer is obviously not good, after me spilling my feelings for several minutes in which it feels like she may not be paying full attention, so she resorts to this phrase often. And how do I feel about that? Like she doesn\u2019t care :/", "answer": "Definitely bring this up with her !\n\nI can't possibly know what is happening,  but my best guess is that she is encouraging you to name/label your feelings. If you are spilling your feelings for several minutes , you are probably giving a narrative description of your feelings.  That is fine , but she may care and may be listening , but wants you to name your feelings. \n\nIn any case , please discuss this in therapy so that she better understands your needs and can discuss her methods.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffx6oa", "comment_id": "fk1cq3y"}, {"question": "My High school won't let me drop an AP Class. What can I do?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Hey can\u2019t force you to take a class you don\u2019t want. This is your future to think about too. Don\u2019t be afraid to advocate for yourself. It\u2019s no different than if they put you in calc before you took algebra. You have a right to have a say in your schedule especially if your reason is more than just you don\u2019t feel like it anymore. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7j6n61", "comment_id": "dr4e7j6"}, {"question": "My horse squished my leg between her and the fence on Friday. My leg hurts REALLY bad now. More info inside", "description": "Hi as I mentioned, I was riding my pony and we walked laterally full force into the fence (she weighs around 750-800 lb) with my left leg trapped between her and the fence. It is a wooden 3 board fencing. My pony is not very tall so the top rail got me right above my knee and on my thigh and the middle rail got me right in the middle of my shin. There are two large gashes where it looks like my skin was burned off. The top \u201cburn\u201d above my knee is dried but kind of weird looking like a yellow color but doesn\u2019t seem inflamed. I can feel a bit of bruising surrounding and under it, there is minor swelling, but not too bad.\nThe bottom one...it\u2019s excruciating. I had to ride yesterday because a client paid for me to ride her horse in a clinic. It didn\u2019t hurt as bad yesterday. This morning I taught a lesson, and it bothered me. Now, I am home laying down and I can hardly walk. When I stand up I feel all the blood rush to the lower gash and it\u2019s excruciating. I broke that ankle before and had to get surgery, it feels very similar to the feeling of blood rushing down my leg to the surgical site, and throbbing and burning. Almost my whole calf and shin area is throbbing and extremely painful, my entire shin is swollen . I can\u2019t touch anywhere on my shin without it hurting. I am wondering now if it is more than a bruised bone. I will make a doctor appointment in the morning. But is there a possibility I broke my leg?! \n\nRight now I have large bandages in the gashes, took ibuprofen, and also have antibacterial cream on.\n\nI have to wait until tomorrow morning to make an appointment with my doctor", "answer": "Excruciating pain after a crushing injury could be compartment syndrome, which is an emergency that can result in permanent damage to your leg. I can't examine well enough over the internet to be sure, and I'm the wrong kind of doctor anyway, but I urge you to go to an emergency room so that if it is compartment syndrome it can be dealt with quickly. That's not something that can wait until morning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cs94dq", "comment_id": "exdfqpa"}, {"question": "Difference between borderline and bipolar?", "description": "Can someone please explain how to tell these two conditions apart? Especially in terms of symptoms. Thanks", "answer": "Bipolar is periods of depression and mania that can last weeks or months at a time (they aren\u2019t mood swings where one day or moment they\u2019re up the next they\u2019re down). There are 2 types 1 and 2. The level of mania is the difference, 1 is more severe. Mania is not sleeping much if at all, grandiose idea of self, racing thoughts, a lot of energy despite the lack of sleep. There can also be hallucinations.  People can have more depressive episodes than manic episodes which is why it can be hard to diagnose or properly.  \n\nBoarderline is more to do with impulsiveness (shopping, sex, etc) and with how they are in relationships. There\u2019s tends to be an extreme in value or lack of value in relationships. They may fear abandonment, but to an extreme and get very very upset when they think someone is doing this due to lack in ability to emotionally regulate. Takes longer to return to baseline after becoming upset. Depression can be part of this, but there won\u2019t be mania or hypomania as in Bipolar.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "enwzuz", "comment_id": "fe6e1n1"}, {"question": "can someone reassure me about this \"going to a meeting\" business?", "description": "Well, I guess I want to try going to a meeting, and I live in the sticks so the only option around here is an AA meeting.  Two things scare/confuse me: 1.  there's a meeting I'd like to go to tonight BUT IT'S IN THE FACULTY LOUNGE OF MY SCHOOL (I'm a college professor).  People there might know me.  But then, THEY are also there, so maybe that's okay?  2.  (and I have read up on this but I want an Actual Internet Stranger to reassure me too) is it okay for me to go to a \"closed meeting\"?  I'm not like 100% ready to call myself an Alcoholic, but I def think I could easily become one in the next 5 or 10 years...??!!?\n\nThank you for reading.  One impetus for my stopping drinking NOW is that my Dad recently \"came out\" as a Gambling Addict and also Alcoholic, and I can see what a difference GA and AA has made in his life.  I'm not ready to talk to him, or my family, about all this yet (there's a little baggage there... bc, you know, of the addictions!) but I'm sort of like, \"if he can/should do it, I also can/should do it.\"  I definitely feel the lure of the addiction.  Like, alcohol feels like all I think about sometimes (whether or not I'm drinking).   And, the more I read here the more realize I am NOT a \"normal drinker.\"   ", "answer": "Meeting people you know shouldn't be an issue. There's a reason its called alcoholics ANONYMOUS. It's like vegas, what happens or is said in those rooms stay there. Everyone has said all the rest I would say. I can tell you that the most success I see with this program comes from people who jump in feet first and get to work right away. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1k531b", "comment_id": "cbli80t"}, {"question": "Fianc\u00e9 says he has bigger balls than me and he can't control me", "description": "I had argument with my live in fianc\u00e9 and it was rough. I believe borders on emotional abuse. Please tell me objective advice. \n\nHe told me he thought part of reason we argue so much is that im not always in reality and I think I'm so strong but he has far bigger balls than I do and that I can't line with it. He says this because I have successful career and (I believe) he is intimidated by it. So much so he says if I was normal I would hand him all my income and let him handle it.  The fact that I don't want to do that anymore shows I like to be controlling. \n\nThen he continued his summary of my issues and then tells me that \"all of his friends and family see it for what it is and that is he has given me everything he can and it's never good enough\". \n\nThat was an indirect follow up to the fact that I want a wedding date and he says he wants to go through the Catholic Church suddenly and they require a year for annulment of my previous marriage and lots of interviews and classes.  He is NOT practicing Catholic and his last marriage was not in Catholic Church. \n\nWe had a horrible fight then because I and then just go side with your family and friends then! As you say, you've done everything and nothing is good enough for me. He said \"see there's something wrong with you....it's about sides for you?!\" \n\nI said no but that hurts!  \n\nHe said you just don't want me anymore....just say it.   He said then show me you love me and hug me. Have compassion. Make me feel special...", "answer": "Run run run run run run run away!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70osjv", "comment_id": "dn4uenz"}, {"question": "Accepting that I have pedophilic attractions", "description": "I've had them for a long time, since late teens at least. Never really accepted it until recently. I have never and would never abuse a child. I realize how damaging that can be and the thought of acting on my fantasies is morally reprehensible. I cannot stress enough, I would never hurt a child. But I do have the fantasies. I also consume fictional works (shota and loli stuff). It's not illegal nor do I think it's morally wrong. I don't feel like the fantasies themselves damage my life, but seeing people's reaction does hurt me. No one in my life knows and I worry about what they would do if they found out.\n\nNow that I've accepted I'm a MAP (minor attracted person), it's hard not to let comments affect me. Everyone says people like me should get help. But I don't dislike my sexuality, nor does it hurt anyone. Looking it up online, treatments seem shoddy and difficult. Is it really even worth it? Plus I've heard some people say that therapists are mandated to report MAPs to the police. I haven't done anything illegal but I don't want the police to investigate me or anything. Is it worth getting help? What would they even involve?", "answer": "Mandated reporting laws are different from state to state.  In PA where I practice, it would be considered a violation of your rights to share information about your attraction to children alone.  If you disclosed  that you had ever sexually abused a child I would be legally mandated to report this.  \n\n\nIf it isn't causing you harm and you're not harming anyone else, I would say you probably don't need to seek treatment for it but if you ever feel the urge to act on your attraction, you should seek help immediately.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5d63j", "comment_id": "es17zhx"}, {"question": "What is \"stemming\"?", "description": "I was told by a nurse once that I should probably not see my ex because she feared I was \"stemming\" (it was a word that sounded like that), like she wanted me to have more time away from him to kinda reestablish my boundaries and sense of self was what I got from her context. Like getting more distance and time from him would help me become grounded and not get sucked into something.", "answer": "Perhaps she meant splitting", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2v3z14", "comment_id": "coec0e0"}, {"question": "[28M] Losing control after ex left our 2 1/2 year relationship for me being on house arrest and finds \"special somone\" in 5 days..", "description": "Length of relationship  (2 1/2 years.). She was with me through forest fire, house foreclosure, rehab,\nand when I almost died to frostbite. I go on house arrest and she moves in together then a month ago said things aren't working from partly me being jealous/smothering her as I could leave home and wanted to be around her all the time.\n\nSo she leaves about 3 weeks ago, and says she's going to focus on herself and not looking for anyone else. I see her add this dude who's single on fb who since now has started dating and already hooked up with. I blocked her on Facebook. I don't know how to get over her or stop ghosting her Facebook from a friends account and see her purposely posting stuff about \"Song reminds me of special someone\" etc... and I'm losing the battle, especially being on house arrest with no one around. My biggest fear is I'm in debt a lot (50grand) from my addiction but I still kept my full time job. I don't know how to move on and it scares me and first time in my life I've had visuals of just ending it...whether be under a heavy hauler tire so my dad and family get work insurance money and will be finance free.\n\nLike it just breaks my heart seeing her find a \"special someone\" in 5 days of knowing the person only a couple weeks after she left our 2 1/2 year relationship. I blocked her and id creep buddies account and seen a video of them together and it tore me apart even harder...Just wish I wouldnt care or love her so much... I did block buddy and hope time will fix this...\n\nI sincerely appreciate your time for those that read this, I just needed to vent and  I have no one I trust in real life and don't want to be judged.\n\n~Frostbite.", "answer": "I've got several years since my last drink. What has remained clear through all the ups and downs is that I don't ever want to have zero days of sobriety again. That shit sucks. Zero days feels fucking terrible. It just adds a new woe. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69n7qt", "comment_id": "dh8dhag"}, {"question": "My pupils are often abnormally dilated in evening. Is this my anxiety or vitamins? Worrying?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "It's going to be really hard to answer without examining your pupils. Has your GP had a look?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6oi67v", "comment_id": "dkhipcg"}, {"question": "Cough Syrup + stupidity", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI feel like such an idiot. I've got 2.5 years sober. \n\nI had been unwell and I remembered hearing that a certain type of cough syrup was alcohol free - Theraflu. \n\nIn a bit of a sick daze I bought some - even when they asked me for ID i didn't twig at anything. \n\nThat was two days ago - I had been taking it regularly with the doses around every four hours. \n\nThen as I was working at my desk today at home I glanced at the bottle and the word \"ALCOHOL\" leapt out at me. \n\nI then ran to the sink and tipped the remaining amount out. \n\nI rang my sponsor and some supports. I have been honest. I didn't have an intent to use / drink. \n\nWhen taking the cough syrup I wanted to feel better. I have no idea why I had this blindspot. \n\nMy sponsors advice is to share this and lean further into AA in this period of time. \n\nAnyways, this was a learning experience - it also scares me because I've been desperate and worked steps and gotten so far due to the program.", "answer": "Do not let anyone tell you this is even remotely close to anything even resembling a relapse! The fact that you are being so open about this and not keeping it to yourself shows you are in the right place in your recovery; probably more so than anyone accusing you of relapse. Keep up the good work!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bx6nwr", "comment_id": "eq4a92o"}, {"question": "Do social media communities for mental health still exist? What are they like?", "description": "I used to be part of one on Twitter. We were big but tight-knit, so most people didn't pay us any mind. It was nice that that support structure was there. Does anyone know if stuff like that still exists? I'm given to understand that the one on Twitter got kinda big and less intimate and now it's not really a thing people go to for support...", "answer": "There's a good amount of groups on Facebook and if you type things like mental health + forum into google you can find endless message board groups.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6soq3g", "comment_id": "dlem4w8"}, {"question": "Help me help my wife.", "description": "So my wife told me that there are times she just wants to give up or feels like she's hanging off a cliff and I'm just \"standing there waiting for her to figure it out\". I've tried to talk to her, I've tried to take our kids off her hands (she's a stay at home mom with our four boys), tried to tell her she can just take a night off and go out with one of our friends. Nothing seems to matter and there are some days that are worse than others. Is it possible that she's got some sort of intermittent post-partum? Or is it a deeper lying depression? I want to do what I can to support her and if it's something we need to reach out for help for, I'd love some advice. Thanks!", "answer": "It\u2019s difficult to tell from your blurb how seriously these comments are meant. Is she seriously suicidal, is she making a flip comment about feeling overwhelmed, or somewhere in between? Have you noticed any other symptoms they concern you? Change in overall mood, sleep, energy, appearance? Any other information you can share would be helpful.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bxpswc", "comment_id": "eq8zpdn"}, {"question": "[24m] Seatbelt over heart, Lying on left side all extremely uncomfortable", "description": "5\u20197, 135lb, 24m. It seems when I put any sort of extra pressure on my heart it has to work extra hard to the point where I\u2019m physically uncomfortable. \n\nAlso, every time I drink alcohol my heart seems to just become \u201ctight\u201d which makes it very hard to fall asleep after a night drinking, even 1 or 2 drinks.\n\nI\u2019m really scared since doing simple activities like putting a seat belt over my chest or lying on my left side are extremely uncomfortable. Anyone have any thoughts?", "answer": " Can you describe your symptoms in more detail?\n\nLike how fast does it start after putting on the seatbelt?\n\nIs it pain? Shortness of breath? Nausea? Palpitations? Faster breathing? Do you want to move around? Does it burn? Sting? Constant or waxing and waning? Exact location or vague location? Time of day relevant? Happen always or just sometimes?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "db236y", "comment_id": "f1yodlw"}, {"question": "First month on Metformin", "description": "Hi, I was diagnosed with PCOS a month ago  after years of absent periods and uncontrollable, unexplained weight gain. I was put  on Metformin to bring my period and induce ovulation, but I've been on it for a month and all I've gotten is horrible cramps and achy boobs, and no weight loss. About two weeks ago I had cramps that felt like someone had stabbed me in the butt and uterus that left me howling in pain. I want to get pregnant, but it doesn't seem like anything is happening . Am I expecting too much too soon? I'm on 850 mg twice a day.", "answer": "If your boobs are aching, maybe it's the start of a new cycle? ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3sbmdy", "comment_id": "cwvqy0n"}, {"question": "Looking for a psychometric test to characterize mood", "description": "Preferably the test would be relatively brief, be fairly quantitative, and simple to fill out. Please comment with reccomendations", "answer": "More importantly, why?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fzn58", "comment_id": "dimdhmm"}, {"question": "\u201cSuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d I hate sayings like this with all my heart.", "description": "People who say these sort of phrases have no fucking idea what it\u2019s like to be in severe pain. They have no clue whatsoever. They\u2019re either not educated on cases where people are in severe pain and don\u2019t respond to treatment or they just don\u2019t believe it. They can\u2019t believe life can be that bad that suicide is the only option. And it\u2019s because they\u2019re basing their views on their OWN experience. Their OWN feelings and thoughts which aren\u2019t the same as people contemplating suicide. \n\nIf people who say these bullshit phrases could just take a step back and think about things logically. For example, a person posts that they are going to kill themselves. They have suffered in pain for years, they are damaged, they\u2019ve tried countless treatments with no response and every day is filled with pain. Without the fortune of not being in their shoes, can they not understand why suicide is a viable option? Even if you can\u2019t feel their pain, surely the facts can speak for themselves. You have to be a fucking idiot to read about a case like that and say to them \u201csuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d or \u201cwe have to play the cards we are dealt\u201d. \n\nDo they really think that the suicidal person( after years of pain) is going to think \u201cthis quote has changed my perspective entirely. I think I\u2019m going to live now\u2019\u201d. Whether the person intends to or not, sayings like this are patronising to people who have spent months or years weighing the options. I\u2019m not saying they should just let them die if they\u2019ve posted something like that. But patronising and bullshit quotes, when you can\u2019t relate, just makes me pissed off. \n\nAlthough it\u2019s hard and the person just wants to post to let the pain out, they can\u2019t without receiving responses that make them feel patronised and stupid. In general I just hate sayings and quotes. They shouldn\u2019t be applied to be such a common thing that applies to everyone and every case. There\u2019s no right way to respond to someone suicidal, but saying quotes is not the way. Best way I can think of is just saying \u2018I\u2019m here if you need me for anything, if you want to talk\u201d. I\u2019m just a big believer in free will. No one should be confined to a life of pain.", "answer": "People who utter such inane platitudes have a blind spot where empathy should be. It\u2019s frustrating but all too common, like the guy who tells the homeless to get a job. But if you want to reduce the likelihood of suicide there is something you can do. We are currently experiencing an epidemic of suicide. Gun owners are more likely to kill themselves or have a family member commit suicide than non gun owning homes. I don\u2019t own a gun and I avoid them as best I can.\nhttps://www.hsph.harvard.edu/magazine/magazine_article/guns-suicide/", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "hhpzqn", "comment_id": "fwd7hwh"}, {"question": "Is there a term for this disastrous mindset?", "description": "I don't want to call it \"Going-crazy\" or whatever. I'm wondering if there is a term relating to this: \n\nSuddenly having an impulse idea to suddenly get up and harm ones self. Impulsive ideas to suddenly get up and run away, far far away. Suddenly feeling like offing yourself on a whim and for no known reason, idiopathically (with no known reason why, no source sad emotion). Sudden impulse ideas to rip your hair out, and cry and scream your head off (also hearing that crying and screaming you WOULD DO if you were to, in your head. You hear yourself suddenly cry and scream violently in your mind.)\n\n​\n\nIs there a term for that, that isn't \"crazy?\" .. it's such a plain word, I don't think it's very  or accurate enough to call it though. Asking on behalf of observing somebody.", "answer": "Intrusive thoughts I would agree with. I would also hazard a guess that likely they are feeling very emotionally overwhelmed, based on the impulse examples you give.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e1fxjo", "comment_id": "f8owka3"}, {"question": "It's March. How do I follow up with my new year resolution?", "description": "I wanted to learn a new skill which will help with my career.  I think it only lasted 2 weeks.  Everyday I came home tired and just sat in front of the TV and browse Reddit.  In those rare days that I managed to go to the gym I have no energy left.  December will be here before you know it.  What should I do?\n\n", "answer": "\\-is your work/life balance in order? Answer with yes if you come home from work with some energy left to have a private life.\n\n\\-(why) do you really want to improve?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "axft0k", "comment_id": "ei2a84p"}, {"question": "How dangerous is malnourishment at a normal weight?", "description": "I have been malnourished according to certain blood tests for around 6 months although my weight is currently normal. BMI 18. Is it really bad for the body to be malnourished even if weight stays normal and the same? Like what can happen long term if this is the case? Is it only dangerous when a person is really skinny?", "answer": "> **Detailed Submissions**  \n>  \n>Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. **It is mandatory to include**: Age, Sex, Height, Weight, Race, Duration of complaint, Location on body, Any diagnosed medical issues, Current medications and doses, any recreational drugs, smoking status. Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example).\n\nIn this case, we really need to know more. What blood tests? What, specifically, were you told?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m1t93", "comment_id": "e7b961m"}, {"question": "Writer seeking professional viewpoint", "description": "Hello mental health professionals. I'm in the early stages of a supernatural/horror novel that will also deal with degrees of mental illness. I have several things I'd like help with but I don't want to ask too much up front so I'll start with something hopefully simple. \n\nA main character in this book will be the ghost haunting my main characters. She's a therapist killed by a former patient whose spirit seeks out help to solver her murder. So my question is about her career. The situation is she was brand new to her career and this guy was too much for her to handle. She let him get too close so. Eventually, he really scares her, but by the time she tries to pass him off to a more experienced colleague, it's too late, and he takes it as major rejection.  \n\nI know there are more careers in mental health than a straight up therapist. Would it make sense for her to be a therapist? Are there any other related careers that would make more sense with this backstory? ", "answer": "Not sure if you are hoping to make the therapist role realistic - even if she is new, most therapists are trained ahead of time to talk to their supervisors about any clients that seem too much for them, and understand boundary issues (the getting too close). Your story sounds very interesting though!Therapy and therapists are often very misrepresented in TV and film.\n\n​\n\nTherapists can be: Psychologists, Clinical Social Workers, Licensed Mental Health Counselors, Licensed Substance Abuse Counselors. Most will have a Masters Degree or PhD. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "anxwow", "comment_id": "egm9sg3"}, {"question": "I saw a saying that read \"Never get so comfortable in pain that you forget happiness is still an option\"", "description": "Just thought someone might need this.", "answer": "r/thanksimcured", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bro7we", "comment_id": "eofodgv"}, {"question": "Something my girlfriend said today [M28] [F21]", "description": "So today my girlfriend (of 4 months), her friend, and I were hanging out and we were talking about receding hairlines. My girlfriends friend mentioned how my girlfriend was very against receding hairlines and always made a big deal about it in the past. She piped in and said, as soon as that hairline starts to recede its over. I don't know if she meant that the current relationship is over or if guys in general have no chance once their hairline starts receding. \n\nThis kind of caught me off guard. I have recently noticed that my temples have started to recede a bit and it sent me into a 2 week state of panic but finally came to terms with it. Luckily I have long thick hair and even though I'm 28, I look like I have the hairline of a 20 year old. Hearing her say this brought back those fears and frankly I feel very angry towards her. I think its just really shallow and also makes me consider continuing this relationship if she is that superficial or if she is just going to break it off once she notices my hairline receding.\n\nI know I need to talk to her about it but then I have to tell her my hairline is receding and that it is one of my bigger insecurities right now ... both of which I would rather her not know. Suggestions on how to deal with this? Am I making too big of a deal about this? Thanks :)", "answer": "This one's easy. Just let her overhear you say the following to your friend: \"Yeah, once they start to get a little pooch in their belly, I'm outta there.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "27o5my", "comment_id": "ci30fv5"}, {"question": "My gynecologist is dismissing my concerns and it makes me want to cry...", "description": "I was diagnosed with PCOS after I began to have lengthy periods. I've been bleeding since September 9th with a long, nasty period. I am very frustrated. OB put me on birth control pills. I was on the pill years ago, but it gave me all the side effects you can think of. Even still, she told me to just power through it.\n\nOne month in, and I am miserable. Nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, sudden weight gain, random headaches, mood swings, cramping, chest tightness, etc etc. I can barely function. Worse of all, the bleeding has gotten **worse**, and I have huge blood clots.\n\nI've called the OB and the resident nurse many times to report these effects, but they keep telling me it's \"normal\" and to just continue with the pill. \n\nI've consulted with Walgreens and Urgent Care, they tell me to stop the pill. But then OB tells me to continue it, and they will not give me anything else to treat me with. I can't switch providers because there's a wait time, according to my insurance.\n\nI mean, am I just being weak-willed? Will the bleeding and side effects maybe just get better as the OB claims?", "answer": "See if there is any way you can get a second opinion from your insurance, or start the process to get a new OB. Ask to speak with the head OB or supervisor, or whoever is clinical and her boss. Tell them you don\u2019t feel heard and are afraid for your health. \n\nAlso if urgent care has told you to stop the pills, that\u2019s a medical professional and you can feel safe to follow their advice. It\u2019s your body, you choose to take meds or not. If the side effects are worse than what they\u2019re treating, stop them. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7e14a5", "comment_id": "dq1vbt4"}, {"question": "My boyfriend is great, but he is so unromantic, what should I do?", "description": "I have a new boyfriend who I have strong feelings for since my last (and first) heartbreak. We were first close friends who had crushes on each other and now we are finally dating. He's such a nice guy, we have so much fun together, we are chill, we always joke, tmi but we have great intimacy! yet, he doesn't do the things that I feel like come naturally in a relationship. He doesn't ever talk about his feelings for me (unless I initiate), never holds my hand or kisses me in public(unless I initiate), and he'll go get stoned with his buddy before he sees me sometimes. I sometimes feel like I'm not that important to him or maybe he is just not into me like I am into him. Even though this sounds conceited, I am also way more attractive than him. I don't know what to do. Should I just break things off? Or should I talk to him? It seems like I can't really change how he is but I want this to work. ", "answer": "No relationship is perfect; sounds like things are going well and he's a good guy. The things you're concerned about will likely resolve with age and maturity.  Though some people are never comfortable with public displays of affection. Encourage him to talk about feelings and hopefully he'll get the hang of it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wt11m", "comment_id": "decsp1k"}, {"question": "I hate the dinner roulette game", "description": "It's the one thing that bugs the hell out of me. \n\nMe: What do you want to eat?\n\nHer: I dunno. You pick.\n\nMe: Sure, let's have Chinese.\n\nHer: No... I'm not feeling that.\n\nMe: Mexican then\n\nHer: No, not that either.\n\nMe: Okay, [lists off every type of food that comes to mind for 10 minutes]\n\nHer: No... maybe Chinese.\n\nThis has happened with every girl I've dated (I'm sure some guys do this too), and it's seriously annoying. Like, I really wish we had a law of conversational etiquette where if you shoot down someone's dinner suggestion you're obligated to offer one yourself. That's all I want. I'm not Yelp.com", "answer": "I like the 5-3-1 (or 3-2-1 if you don't have many options).\n\nPerson A picks 5 places they would eat, Person B picks 3 of those, Person A picks 1 of those 3. Done and eat. If you want to be really precise about it, alternate who picks the 5.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "33h2h1", "comment_id": "cqkth4y"}, {"question": "I just started to hear voices... Help", "description": "I know I'm not mad, but it's the 3AM right now and I'm here, with my headset on, and I started to HEAR voices. Not coming from the headset, but from the real world. I just stayed there for a few minuts, and I still hear wispers, though no one is here... Is depression finally killing my mind ? Am I turning mad ?", "answer": "It\u2019s possible that you may have depression with psychosis.  I\u2019d recommend seeing a psychiatrist ASAP and they might be able to give you better feedback. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "b96bos", "comment_id": "ek2icq9"}, {"question": "Howcome me [27/m] am unable to be sensitive, serious and emotional with my [24/f] GF until I am fighting to save my relationship?", "description": "I am wondering if anyone has any advice on howcome I have troubles saying to my girlfriend that she is beautiful and being affectionate and emotional, and I find I joke around more than I am serious. But when I am in a fight to save our relationship I have no issues. We just broke up today and I told how head over heals I was for her how incredible of a human being she is and I was pouring my heart into her. But if things were to be normal again. I would typically revert back to being funny and not so serious and less emotional. I hate that I do it but I for some reason just dont say those things when things are good. If I were to have said those things when things were good, I bet I would not have been in this situation.", "answer": "I like to think of emotional expressiveness as a skill set, not unlike any other kind of skill. In other words if you were a guitar player, and undisciplined, You might play your guitar a lot but you really would just be fooling around with it in a casual sort of way. But maybe some sort of performance opportunity might come along, and you would buckle down in a  disciplined way to prepare for it. It's the same thing. You make an intellectual decision to do something, be it practicing your guitar seriously or telling your girlfriend how much you love her, then you practice doing it in a disciplined kind of way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sielx", "comment_id": "ddfaige"}, {"question": "My mom took my ripped out diary pages from the trash and hid them in her closet to read. Do I have the right to be mad?", "description": "Okay. Too start off, here's why I even have a diary.\n\n1: I'm questioning my gender and sexuality but I have conservative parents who know this fact. It's too much for me to not write down my thoughts. \n\n2: I have a lot of anxiety, gender dysphoria and depression. It's hard for me not to vent to at least my private journal.\n\nSo I keep a journal that harbors all my private thoughts, my deepest secrets, and issues. I don't hold back because it makes me feel like someones listening to me without being judgmental. I love poetry and books and I'm very quiet which doesn't help the fact that I'm home schooled. I have no friends and I don't trust the family I live with, though I do have a sister-in-law who's closer to me than my full blooded sister, which is why I don't like to call her my sister-in-law. But she lives up in Tennessee and it's kind of hard to call someone when you're grounded from your phone, so I keep to myself. \n\nOkay, back to my journal. Recently, I through out some pages in my journal because I felt bad about some of the things I said. See, I write most of the stuff in there raw or in the heat of the moment. Today, I thought me and this other family were going to the gym to work out like normal so, I looked in my moms closet for a sports bra. My moms closet has a shelf at the top for hats and such. On that shelf I saw some oddly familiar bunched up pieces of paper, partly shoved under a rectangular picture frame. When I pulled of the paper I was mortified. It was the same paper I through away! I took the papers and ran them to my room to put them in my closet.\n\n I know it has to be my mom who stole them because my dad's out all day, and my mom takes out the trash. This isn't the first time she done something like this. What should I do??", "answer": "Of course you have the right to be mad, you have the right to some privacy. Granted, you're a teenager (I assume), so the privacy you have is limited, but it's important because you're figuring out your identity and who you are, separate from your parents - this is an important part of growing up.\n\nNow, as for what to do... you said your parents are conservative, but you didn't mention specifically how they feel about your gender/sexuality. Have they shown disapproval in the past?\n\nYour mom may have taken those diary pages, which is not ok... but I wonder why she hasn't confronted you about them. She may just be trying to understand where you are coming from and what you are thinking. Many people of conservative upbringing simply don't understand what its like being LGBT+ just because they've never known anyone who was.\n\nI recommend talking to them about it. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, so use your judgment as for how to go about it - but maybe explaining some of the thoughts you have, and how it makes you feel that they invaded your privacy - without getting confrontational about it - might be helpful. It might not, tbf. But make it clear to them that you want to get along with them, you just want to be accepted for who you are, and you want the space to figure this stuff out without judgment. Good luck", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9bn9c", "comment_id": "fiqswv9"}, {"question": "Something weird happens when I drink...", "description": "19 yr old female, lightweight drinker.\nSo this is completely out of the ordinary, and my chances of getting an answer are probably pretty slim, but...when I drink alcohol, sometimes the skin around my belly button begins to hurt. \nIt usually only happens when I drink ( it has happened other times but very seldom) but after a few drinks (maybe 3-4) the skin around my belly button starts to get really tense and feel almost like a hard bruise. There is no visible bump or raised skin, but on the inside, the skin gets really tight and tender. Can't really think of why this would be, any help would be appreciated on this peculiar matter! ", "answer": "No idea - sorry!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56f6ku", "comment_id": "d8kqope"}, {"question": "Can I have some advice on what to do with a REALLY toxic person.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "If you want to keep them as a friend and see some potential there, it's really important for you to tell them 2 things.  \n\n1.  How their insults make you feel.\n2.  That you need them to stop doing it.  \n\n\nIf they are genuinely interested in being your friend and not your bully they'll make an effort to do better.  If it keeps on happening you have to make the decision of it's worth it for you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8nmlht", "comment_id": "dzwngbg"}, {"question": "me and my bf, 30's. stupid fight, no agreement, feeling resentful.", "description": "we fought because reasons.  I think he was being insensitive he thinks I was being unreasonable.  whatever.  \n\nwe fight about it, no real conclusions are made.  we both share how we feel and why we feel that way and what was going through our heads when we said what we said.  \n\nbut there is no resolution.  he still doesn't think what he did was rude and I still think he was really thoughtless and blew me off.  like its not a big enough deal to keep fighting about it or anything but it's just on my mind.  how do I resolve this?  with him or myself?\n\nTL,DR: had a fight, no clear right/wrong, no real apologies.  how to move on without feeling resentful?", "answer": "Ah... this is the crux of a long term meaningful relationship. This is what separates maturity from immaturity.   Sometimes, there IS NO clear resolution. You simply feel differently about something, the way people feel differently about god or abortion. The answer: you have to look at the totality of the relationship. We're all a package deal, and the couples who can let go of stuff because the bulk of the package is so wonderful, are the couples that live happily ever after.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9wev", "comment_id": "dkfqr9e"}, {"question": "How can I tell if a man is interested?", "description": "I have a strange problem where I think more than half the men that I interact with are interested in me. I just get that \"vibe\" all the time. I was wondering if you guys could help me with some signs and real evidence so that I can keep my ego in check and have some perspective on what is actually going on? How do you behave when you're into a woman? What do you do out of habit that might give a woman the impression that you dig her when you don't? \n\nEdit: I'm flat chested and have weird teeth, but strangers stop me sometimes to tell me I'm beautiful. I guess this is part of my issue, it seems like most men I talk to are interested in me but I feel like they can't be because I'm so strange looking and awkward. ", "answer": "There's a simple test to tell if a guy's interested:\n\nIf he's ever talked to you for more than 30 seconds, he's interested.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "iwodu", "comment_id": "c279v0n"}, {"question": "Advice on getting evaluated for ADHD under parent's insurance?", "description": "I've decided that it might be a good idea to get evaluated to see if a doctor thinks I have Inattentive ADHD, but I'm worried my parent's will disapprove over me getting on meds if I do have it. I'm under their Tricare from my dad's prior military service until I turn 21 (another year). My parents have always been against me using my prescribed medication if it's some type of addictive drug such as codeine for when I tore ligaments in my ankle. Has anybody had to go through convincing your parents that the meds might help? If so, what are some key points to bring up to possibly convince/ease their mind?\n\n​\n\nTL;DR: Need advice on convincing parents that it's okay to get evaluated and that the meds might help if I do actually have ADHD (Parents are against abusable substances)", "answer": "If you\u2019re over 18, you don\u2019t need their consent to go to a doctor and use the insurance or to fill a prescription at the pharmacy. However, they will likely be informed if you do through an explanation of benefits which the insurance company sends and explains what services they paid for.\n\nBasically, they will probably find out about it after the fact, but they can\u2019t stop you from using the insurance and receiving treatment unless they decide to completely take you off their insurance at some point, which would be a pretty insane reaction. \n\nEdit because I forgot to address the other part of your question: if you want to try to convince them first, talk to them about ADHD as a neurological condition and present information on this. You wouldn\u2019t deny someone with Parkinson\u2019s disease their medication. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a0kpz4", "comment_id": "eaic6ui"}, {"question": "Happily married, still love being a tease. What is the boundary?", "description": "I' m 30, married and with kids. I love my wife, adore my two daughters. Everything is good with my wife, hobbies, sex life, fantastic mutual support.\nOnly one thing bugs me: I have always loved women, in the way that every time I go out I end up having long, tense talking and maybe even dancing with the sweetest face in the place. Getting married and having kids didn't stop this love. I think that it is the combination of having a ring on my left hand and being truly fascinated by the other person (the exact opposite of just-bang-you mentality) that gives me a tremendous success. \nI never kiss them. I never exchange numbers nor facebooks, basically since I live in a big city I'll never see them again.  No big deal. Yet for a few hours I'm back at being the carefree college guy that I'll never be again. Before i made my choiches, mostly good choiches but still choiches made wich by definition means \"less possible futures\". I play a \"sliding doors\" game in my head.  I feel I'm cheating life itself, escaping life's duties.\n\n\nAm I doing something wrong?", "answer": "You're not cheating. You're enjoying a little fantasy without crossing an overt boundary. But some people feel smiling too much at a waitress is cheating, so it depends more on your spouse's definition.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "782qpc", "comment_id": "doqjbeq"}, {"question": "Woot Woot, 30 days!!!! without AA", "description": "I have made it to 30 days AND I haven't gone to AA and I will tell you why although this may sound stupid and irrational. I would like to believe that my decision not to go to AA is a somewhat educated decision. I know that in order for AA to work you need to go on a continuous basis and you need to follow the 12 steps. I also know that this has worked for countless people everywhere. My decision not to go is based on what I know about myself. First and foremost I have a horrible time with following through on things which causes me stress. I also have a problem with following directions all the time, which causes me stress. I have a problem with people counting on me for things, in fact the more people count on me for something the more stressed out I become. As you can see there is a pattern forming here, a lot of things cause me stress. For the most part I can avoid the things that cause me stress for those things that I can't avoid I turn to alcohol. So my theory, up to this point, is to avoid adding another stresser to my life. Like I said it may sound crazy but that is how my twisted mind works. ", "answer": "First of all congratulations on 30 days.\n\nI will say that the twelve steps are designed so that some of the things you mentioned are addressed so they don't cause you stress in the future. \n\nI don't know what your goal is with sobriety, but if you are attempting to be abstinent for a significant period of time, I can promise you things that stress you will come up. Especially in the categories you listed. \n\nAll that said, I don't recommend going at it without a program of recovery. Because when those things come up if you don't have any new tools to help you out then you will almost invariably resort to your old tool. The great thing is you have options in respect to what program you want to work. Your sobriety is your own, so do as you please, but I do know going at it without any support or program will be exponentially harder. \n\nAgain congratulations on the big 30 and I wish you luck on having that number continuing to rise.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h76rr", "comment_id": "carhnp1"}, {"question": "Habitual cheater!", "description": "So I got caught for the second time... I really ruined the relationship. She gave me another chance and I disregarded her feelings and screwed up anyways. I know there is no possible way for me to ever make amends with her. I'm just lost.. it's tough, I ruined one of the greatest things in my life.....what do I do? I'd love to get her back, but I understand her heart maybe to broken for me to mend. I need help, or just some advice to be able to get through this. I know I'm at fault, and she needs her space... any thoughts? ", "answer": "Go see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fqvg4", "comment_id": "dikeuwl"}, {"question": "Just broke through to a student in a way I never thought I would.", "description": "I'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there.  Anyways, I've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid.  He's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically.  He's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to \"disappearing\", if that makes any sense.\n\nAnyways, he wore this shirt yesterday: \nhttp://www.welovefine.com/849-2002-large/just-got-20-cooler.jpg\n\nI'm not a Brony and I don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but I knew this was my way in.  Some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and I thought of a way to quickly bond with this student.  \n\nI assigned group work and while I was walking around checking on the groups, I walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, \"Bro-hoof\".  He gave me a fist bump and I swear his face lit up brighter than even I thought could be possible.  He smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student.  It's so crazy to see how a fist bump (Bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory I've had to learn to be a teacher.  \n\nLife is funny.  \n\nEDIT:  Thanks for the kind messages and Reddit Gold!! ", "answer": "That is awesome.  You are a gem :)  \n  \nI had a similar experience with minecraft and cell phone games.  Where I live, it's \"weird\" for an adult to admit they are interested in such \"childish\" things, but relating to the kids about them really got me \"in\" when I'd been hovering on the outside.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1gnxpy", "comment_id": "camb53k"}, {"question": "Quick better-way-to-say", "description": "Thanks for sorting new!\n\nHow do I point out a repeating behavior better than \"You do that a lot\"? Or is there something even better I could do to get someone to notice their reactions/prejudices?\n\nThanks again!", "answer": "\"That sounds a lot like the story you told me about....\"\n\n\"Didn't the same thing happen last week with _____?\"\n\n\"From what you told me , it seems like ______ is really (stressful/triggering/complicated/painful/confusing) for you.\"\n\n\"If I remember correctly , this isn't the first time _______.\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gj9xm2", "comment_id": "fqjpzxh"}, {"question": "I [24/m] am unable to find love, and I need to talk about it", "description": "Ever since my childhood, I have been an introverted and unusual person. Obsession with various philosophical, geometrical, and musical matters and a lack of interest in \"small talk\" and non-teleological human interaction makes it very difficult for me to find someone who likes me for who I am. I don't want to have to pretend to be a \"normal\" extraverted person.\n\nI am not good-looking, but I'm not ugly either. I have considered surgery to improve my face, but I think that my main issue is not my appearance after all, but my unusual sphere of interests and social difficulties--I may appear \"normal\" at first, but eventually I \"scare\" people by reducing everything to principles and philosophy, which scarcely rises to the level of nonsense in the opinions of most.\n\nI understand that my written language is very \"dry\", but in person I am not necessarily that way. I am a happy person overall, passionate about a lot things, but obtaining and maintaining a relationship seems utterly impossible.\n\nCan I please have some positive reinforcement? I appreciate constructive criticism, including negative such, so don't hold back. \n\nWhere can I meet people (I am into women) who share interests with or happily put up with a person like me? I may be mentally disabled in some subtle way, but I seriously do not understand.\n\nThank you in advance. :)\n\nEDIT: adding a couple of excerpts from demos that I am recording in preparation for my first \"album\". My reason for doing so, I suppose, is that I find my true self to be expressed most clearly in my music, however disturbed or silly that may seem.\n\nhttp://vocaroo.com/i/s0V6GJUlZHCV\n\nhttp://vocaroo.com/i/s0f2qgvronF3", "answer": "join social activities like meet up.com ,etc.  go on dating sites to get experience with first dates and communicating. go SLOW", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64qkh9", "comment_id": "dg486e5"}, {"question": "i am an uncurable delusional person with OCD who wants to scream because no one supports or replies to me here and no one understands!", "description": "i already take zoloft genius but i stil have this 1 ''phenomenon'' that has destroyed my life, my happiness, my will to live, i can't stop thinking about my reaction to a unsettling event that happened last year, i have practically habitually created a figment in my mind where i feel something is not right leading to psychosomatic feelings of Severe Nausea and Dissociation, i am confident this is not OCD now and rather a Form of psychosis and Dissociation created by me mentally, i actually believe this ''energy'' comes from a higher place out to torment me, this all stemmed from an event and the way i reacted to that, who knows what it is, PTSD? Flashback? Psychosis?", "answer": "You're putting this comment in an OCD forum. If this is even in part OCD, treat it like it is.  Stop reinforcing the idea that it's real, and start acting like it's the figment of your imagination that's uncomfortable, but not the end of the world.  \n\nLastly, have you tried meeting with a therapist who specializes in OCD? If not do this. If you have, and believe they didn't understand you, then try another one.  If they are all telling you it's not the reality you think it is, then you may be wrong in your assumptions that it's a delusion. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "6p12az", "comment_id": "dklyloe"}, {"question": "Psychology Professor", "description": "So I'm in a basic psychology class for college and my professor is apparently a psychologist for prisoners or people sentenced to a psychologist in order to better themselves with mental help.\n\nBased on how she talks about mental illnesses, she should not be involved. I understand it's a basic psych class and she's not supposed to go into HUGE detail on the disorders, but she uses examples. \n\nOne example was for Borderline Personality Disorder. \"Guys, say you find a girl who cuts herself, or has scars from cutting herself. you RUN from her.\"\n\nAnother was for OCD. \"Do they have white or off-white carpets? Do they clean nonstop? are their clothes folded neatly no matter what? that's OCD.\" from my understanding, that's not all OCD is.\n\nI get it. she oversimplifies disorders due to the nature of the class. but. some of the things she says are SO toxic. She has no idea what some of her students are going through, but makes comments about how if you have *blank* disorder, people should run from you bc you're too insane to love.\n\nShe also asks students personal questions during lecture and when the student is VISIBLY uncomfortable continuing their response, she keeps at it until they fess up everything.\n\nI just find myself very upset with how she explains things and how even as a psychologist, she's perpetuating negative stigmas about certain disorders. how the fuck do I deal with this for a whole semester?", "answer": "Doesn't sound like a great professor.  Sounds like they can be pretty offensive too.  Sorry you have to deal with that.  On the other hand, learn what you can and leave the rest to the side.  Honestly, while I think that joke or explanation of BPD isn't funny and in poor taste, I've heard a lot worse.\n\n\nLife is going to be full of great people along with plenty of rude, inconsiderate, and offensive people.  There are going to be plenty of times you and your classmates are pushed outside of your comfort zones emotionally in the real world and the folks doing it won't care whether you're visibly uncomfortable with it or not.  \n\n\nThe thing is with college, whether it feels like it all the time or not, it is safe.  You can always drop a class, you can talk to the department heads, you can talk to the dean if you absolutely have to.  I encourage only doing any of those things as an absolute last resort. \n\n\nSounds like the professor sucks.  You may be learning a great deal more that will help you in life by figuring out how you can cope with this type of person and still get what you need than what you're learning from the subject material.  That's my attempt to try to put a positive spin on a bad situation.  \n\n\nHope things get better for you.  Best of luck!    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9j120r", "comment_id": "e6o61lv"}, {"question": "How not to be broke?", "description": "I feel like with every week comes a new hobby and the intense urge to buy everything as I become utterly obsessed. Typical \ud83d\ude02 How have you learned to combat the impulsive hobby buys???", "answer": "Have you tried paying for things in cash instead of with a card? Studies show that seeing the physical money leaving our wallets helps us spend less than when we use a credit card.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a72cg0", "comment_id": "ebzv69u"}, {"question": "Anyone else find themselves paranoid about the most ridiculous things? ", "description": "My anxiety comes and goes, and some days are better than others (I'm sure it's like this for most of you). However, I've come to realize that it's making me paranoid about a few things. \n\nReal example: The other day I picked up this neat clock for my room. I had it plugged in all night, and then the next day I was extremely anxious. For some ungodly reason, I thought that it was the clock that had made me sick. Something with it had made my anxiety worse, made me dizzier, made me more nauseous. I know this is crazy to think about, but it just is what I came up with. It's been that way with a few things, if I do or eat or get something and then have anxiety the day after, I blame it on anything that changed in my 'normal' routine. \n\nI'll end up usually avoiding those things, with the fear that my anxiety will be aggravated by it again. Does anyone else experience something like this?  ", "answer": "My anxiety steams from a lot of stupid shit.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "wlwbg", "comment_id": "c5eltky"}, {"question": "Everytime you say \"No\" to an invite, just remember that there may not be another one.", "description": "I was thinking about this today -- how I lost touch and connections with a few people I wanted to keep in contact with over the years. One girl in particular, B, was really cool and funny and invited me to a bunch of parties and bar openings. I always declined because I'm not much of a drinker, and preferred to just go over to her place to hang out and smoke. \n\nBut eventually, she stopped asking me to places. She responded days late to my text requests to hang out and always had an excuse for why she couldn't hang out. In the end, I stopped trying. In hindsight, I don't blame her: all I wanted to do was veg out in front of the TV. She wanted to be more social and do more fun things outside. \n\nWhenever someone invites you someplace, they are taking a risk. No one likes to be told \"no\" and they are risking rejection by simply asking you. It takes a lot to invite someone somewhere. Just remember that, the next time you say \"no\" to an invite, it may be your last invite from that person. They will stop trying eventually. If you want to keep them around as friends, you have to do some of the things they like to do. Go to bar openings even if you don't drink -- have a coke and talk to people. They are more concerned with themselves than with you, so don't worry about how you look. Just enjoy the experience. ", "answer": "This is great advice.  And one of my good friends (former fwb) just never wanted to do the things that we wanted to do, and it tended to revolve around hanging out with her one on one, but she was never down for a lot of the group activities that we would want to do in our circle.  So, she got excluded.  Then she got mad when she got excluded.  So, we were careful about whether we were inviting her or not and did not talk about things that we were doing together that we hadn't explicitly invited her to.  This has led to her not really being part of the friend group anymore.  And since, she feels bad, she has put up her walls and doesn't go out of the way to try to set up group events and hangouts.  \n\nAnd since I have a girlfriend now, it's a bit awkward for me to talk to her or hang out with her one on one, so I tend to avoid it.  \n\nEdit: I would love for someone else to give her this advice.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "20yd0j", "comment_id": "cg80lr7"}, {"question": "Protective Depression?", "description": "I started to think that my depression is of protective nature.. when it lifts a bit , my ADHD gets worse immediately.. My head is literally burning for a week now.. I'm always bored , can't seem to find something interesting.. Don't know what to do but restless , desperate.. the worst part is I cannot connect with people.. I can't control it.. when I take my meds it's okay..  but I'm unhappy.. like something constantly trying to stop me.. my natural flow.. \n\nwhen I'm depressed at least I have no energy , I don't wanna go outside , or do anything really , my mind is more at ease , mostly procrastinating..  I don't have any sex drive.. it takes a while to get bored.. I can focus.. I don't know man.. ", "answer": "Have you tried any other meds, OP? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab8ws1", "comment_id": "ecycz71"}, {"question": "help", "description": "It's not so easy.\n\nI did stuff - help in the NHS. I managed 54 days, at the start of the year, and 30 days this past month.\n\nBut it's hard. I drank a lot last night. I have the sweats, the fears, the shakes, the nervousness, the sense of doom, the disappointment at giving up my streak.\n\nI'm thinking of attending an AA session in the next few days. I am a mathematician - there's no higher power for me. I hope it will still work.\n\nI'm alone, and I'm scared. And let me tell you, hangovers are not so easy in the UK right now with this stupid heat! :-)\n\nDavid\n\n\\-edit- Thank you for all the messages of support, they are appreciated. I found a meeting nearby, and plan to attend soon.", "answer": "I agree....we all have our own vision of our best life. It can be anything. What do you want..health, relationships...? Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91ifjz", "comment_id": "e2yhtn9"}, {"question": "Need some advice. Should I find a new psychiatrist? Was she doing the right thing?", "description": "I seriously don't believe i have bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist didn't even ask many questions. She literally was like so why are you here and i said for a psych eval. First of all she didn't talk for like 5 minutes and was on her computer typing away and then she said that. I had to figure out what to tell her and it was never in order. It was like everywhere and i have horrible memory in general plus i haven't slept for so damn long so it was even worse. Thankfully, i brought my 16 page diary and she said she didn't have time to read it and didn't want to take it and read it after the intake or when she was off work. She didn't give me anything for the anxiety and worrying that i do. I think i should've just got prozac and that's it.I don't even think i have symptoms of bipolar disorder. She said the anxiety, the worrying, the excessive spending, and the seeing things or hearings or thinking someone is coming after me is a part of bipolar disorder. She said i have bipolar with psychotic features. I'm gonna get a second opinion. I think she just wanted to give me something to get her money's worth.\n\n​\n\nI have a horrible time telling people my issues unless im directly asked. I thought she was gonna ask all the questions the social worker asked 2 days ago. She didn't even ask me if i was having suicidal thoughts but i told her after we were sort of done. She just didn't seem like she cared but just wanted to push pills on me. I mainly went to see her because I haven't slept well or at all for the past 25 days and because I had severe episodes of panic within a week and ended up in the hospital twice because of it. I have been seeing stuff and have been paranoid but its not the same as it has been in the past. Should I look for another psychiatrist? I waited for so long to see her and she didn't seem as well rounded or professional.\n\n​\n\nShe even asked me how to spell some medications that I'm allergic to. I told her I'm using CBD and she said cannabis and i said no it's cannabidiol and she couldn't spell it. I just think she half assed her job and didn't really care. She barely looked at me in the beginning until she started asking some questions and then gave me a diagnosis. This was obviously an intake and I was there I think for maybe an hour or a little bit less. Waited to see her for 10-15 minutes. I was also on time. Then the receptionist tells me I can't be more than 5 minutes late because she's seeing patients back to back. But it's okay for her to be 15 minutes late???! Like wtf. Anyway, I would like to get some advice from a psychiatrist specifically but input from other doctors are welcome.\n\n​\n\np.s.- Forgot to mention that she prescribed me risperidone and trileptal. Would like some advice on whether I should take them or not. Also,forgot to mention that they accidentally gave me a psychiatrist who only sees adolescents. \n\n​\n\n* Age: 25\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'1 1/2\n* Weight: 90 lbs\n* Race: Asian\n* Duration of complaint: a day or two\n* Location (Geographic and on body): N/A\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): ADHD, Anxiety, high blood pressure\n* Current medications (if any): Chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Xanax 0.25mg, Ativan 0.5mg\n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "If you're asking us whether or not you have bipolar disorder, I'd say I don't know.\n\nYou told us a lot about what she did, but little about your complaints and what brought you to her. \n\nI can tell that you feel like the conversation you had was not pleasant, and I am sorry for that. Hopefully your relationship with her will improve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chmycz", "comment_id": "euvkx30"}, {"question": "Haven't self harmed in 6 months", "description": "And I feel like doing it again tonight because I can't handle the stress and I feel like I need to punish myself for wasting so much time. I don't deserve anyone who try hard to make my life better. I feel utterly useless. I don't think I can do this anymore ", "answer": "\"Deserving\" stuff isn't real. Who makes the rules on who deserves what? \n\n\nI deleted the rest of my comment bc I realized OP wasn't asking for advice. OP, let me know if you want advice and I'll pm you my original comment.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "65t1cp", "comment_id": "dgdfp1e"}, {"question": "Have you ever had a client that you didnt think needed therapy?", "description": "Basically the title - I am considering getting therapy, but am worried a therapist would think I was fine and wouldn't need it. Kind of similar to how I dont like to go to a doctor due to being concerned that the doctor will think that I'm fine and just wanting attention or wasting their time. \nSo I was just wondering if a therapist would ever think that kind of thing about a client.", "answer": "If a person goes to therapy because they want attention or is wasting time - that is important clinical information! That would indicate they need some help. \n\nIf someone told me they want therapy but is afraid their therapist thinks they are wasting time , I would want to process that. \n\nThere are people who are well functioning and have great coping skills , but are facing a short-term stressor and benefit from talking it out.  They don't need long term therapy,  but like to discuss a few things with an impartial third party .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g6cwre", "comment_id": "fo8uzcz"}, {"question": "Going on day 3 of no drinking after a month-long bender, feeling a huge amount of anger and resentment", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "If you hang in there those feelings will lessen and you will be surprised at how much better you will feel. I had some time, then relapsed and struggled with the same feelings of hopeless and thinking what\u2019s the point of this anyways. I relapsed multiple times over a period of two and a half years, and everything was miserable. I finally gave myself a chance, even though I didn\u2019t believe I would ever feel okay again. It is a little over a year of sobriety later right now, and I can\u2019t begin to tell you how much better I feel. I\u2019m not skipping down the streets or anything like that, but I do feel a sense of feeling okay that I haven\u2019t felt in a while. Give yourself a chance; those emotions and feelings in the beginning are unbelievably tough. My emotions were as bad as ever this last time, but they eventually improved when I allowed them the time to. Might take some time to feel better, but you will if you hang in there. Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fmxmsi", "comment_id": "fl7c32r"}, {"question": "OCD makes me think of FUCKED up shit", "description": "i see my family my friends everyone i care about being tortured in the most horrific ways and it plays on repeat in my head and i don't even believe in god but every time i pray out of desperation to make this shit go away it just puts more satanic images in my head. then it twists my intentions and tells me I'm a monster and i will somehow be responsible for acts of pure evil. i can't take this anymore, i shake so bad all the time and people think i smoke meth, i've been so ridiculed all my life and it makes me react to anyone even jokingly insulting me with anger and violence. i can't do this anymore, i can't even kill myself because i'm scared i'm going to end up in hell for that and be eternally tortured for trying to escape this suffering. i'm losing my sanity and i have completely changed. i am miserable all the time and it seems like the only way this could have ever been different is if i were never born. i can't do shit it's gotten so bad, i'm mentally handicapped and i feel like a fucking retard and i hate myself for it and i fantasize about my own death almost all day every day. please help me", "answer": "You are not your thoughts. OCD is one of the cruelest mental illnesses, because it has a way of finding whatever you care more about and hijacking it. As a matter of fact if you *didn't* care about it those obsessive thoughts wouldn't have any power, so your OCD will *always* try to find what disturbs or scares you most. The problem is that the more you try to make those thoughts go away, the more power your OCD will have. \n\nYou are not a bad person, you are a person with OCD. The good news is that OCD is treatable. Look for a therapist in your area that specializes in Exposure Response Prevention (ERP), it is the most effective treatment for OCD. It's not an easy road, but things can absolutely get better.  ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "93yfqs", "comment_id": "e3hllgo"}, {"question": "I feel completely awake and jittery even though I didn't sleep a minute in 29 hours", "description": "Age:20     Sex:F   Race: Mixed White and Black Duration of complaint: 2 weeks but getting worse\n\n Been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety.  Medications: not right now \n\n  I've been trying to cut down my weed smoking to once or twice a day 5 days a week or less. Also have been trying to stop juuling, i probably hit it about 10 times a day.  Not a drinker or any other drugs.\n\n​\n\nSo for about 3 years of my life, up until December 2018, I have been on lamotrigne 400mg, latuda 90mg. Then starting in January 2018 I started naltrexone 50mg, and trazodone. \n\n​\n\nI used to sleep from 9pm-8am the next day. More if I was particularly depressed. Lately I haven't been able to fall asleep until about 3:30am. I would usually get up around 12. My job is in the evening so I don't start until 2 or so and work until 8. I usually take a sleep med like zzquil to fall asleep but last night I didn't. I was a little anxious from work and the jitters from the anxiety are still apparent and seems to be getting more noticeable. Im fidgety, which is something I'm not usually.\n\n​\n\nI am not tired at all and I've taken 10mg of melatonin.\n\n​\n\nI feel like i drank 5 coffees a half hour ago. I \n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "If you're on lamotrigine, are you sure your diagnosis isn't Bipolar Disorder?\n\nYou should contact your psychiatrist, because you might be having manic symptoms. Lamotrigine won't help with mania; needs different mood-stabilizing medication, such as lithium.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "amizhk", "comment_id": "efmje8s"}, {"question": "Neuropsych Eval - Worried AF", "description": "27F. Never been diagnosed.\n\nI have a neuropsych eval coming up in June. It\u2019s so far out and it could have such big consequences. I don\u2019t know what to expect. I don\u2019t know and the not knowing is overwhelming me.\n\nRecently I\u2019ve been lurking on all these adhd subreddits and I\u2019m like \u201coh.\u201d It\u2019s like being both overwhelmed and underwhelmed but still shocked to the point your mind just says \u201cyes, this is you\u201d and then you double back and say but \u201cmaybe not.\u201d\n\nI\u2019m worried about confirmation bias. I\u2019m worried about messing up the eval by blanking when I get there of all my struggles or that the eval doctor will look at me and just be like \u201cnope\u201d and I\u2019m back at square one. \n\nLife feels like I\u2019m incapably crashing through while juggling things and dropping things as often as I pick things up.  It\u2019s a mess no matter my effort. I\u2019ve crashed and burned at so many points but I get up and keep trying. And the only reason my life hasn\u2019t crashed and burned significantly in the last three years is that I now work for family. There\u2019s a lot of grace there even though I\u2019m surrounded by messy piles, forget-or-put-off-until-absolutely-urgent-or-already-past-due. Always late. Forgetful. Disorganized. Distracted. Lists but never looking back at them. Yet I know where things are... mostly. And I have the hardest time starting things. But when I do start getting things done I ride that wave of work and focus for as long as I can.\n\nAnd there\u2019s a lot of social/relation stuff too. That rejection and criticism and making/keeping friends is hard and so I keep myself at a distance a lot... I feel incapable and socially dumb.\n\nI\u2019m better when I keep busy but it\u2019s always a time cascade. When I\u2019m not busy... I\u2019m bored and can\u2019t seem to do anything.\n\nHow do I remember and explain it all?\n\nIs it best not to know what to expect before the eval? ", "answer": "I feel you. It really kind of is a big deal. I'm actually a neuropsychologist and have diagnosed clients with ADHD (yes. i am aware of the irony.), so in case you would like to know anything, holla at me :)", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "b9esv1", "comment_id": "ek45ebf"}, {"question": "My therapist has no clue...", "description": "After many arguments with my mother begging her to call back to the mental health clinic I was trying to get into, I was finally able to get an appointment a few months ago. So far I've been to three appointments and my last appointment led to me FINALLY being diagnosed with something (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), but I apparently also have an unknown personality disorder.\nNow, I have major interest in psychology and have research symptoms, read up on everything, and gave my therapist a few suggestions as to what I was believing it may have been. I didn't say \"this is what I have start treating me\", I simply mentioned my two suggestions as to what I felt was the closest symptom wise.\n\nThe first being Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I listed my symptoms, explained why I believed mostly that it may be this. I told her I had frequent mood swings that weren't long term and were happening rapidly within seconds. These emotions are intense, lack of black and white feelings so I was either extremely angry, extremely depressed, or extremely happy and when I experience these, as I like to call, episodes, they seem to be over just as quickly as they started up. This is when I go on the plane of numbness as I call it. I feel no emotion I'm just tired. There are a handful of other things that go on that also lead me to this, my constant paranoia of being abandoned (which happened, my ex left me saying I was a piece of shit for being mentally ill and all this other shit. I cut off contact with him), making up things that aren't really happening in relationships with people (i.e. He's not talking to me, he's cheating on me. He's ignoring me. He doesn't want me anymore, so on and so forth), I begin to think really silly things at times that make zero sense and are illogical as far as about normal everyday things and relationships, everything is boring to me now even if I used to enjoy it. It's just a mess that causes me to stress and panic.\n\nNow, I know this mood disorder is something major. I know it can lead to MANY problems in my life and make it very difficult to hold relationships, but the point of me bringing it up was the fact I was showing a lot of the symptoms and I know I listed a few, but those were the ones I could think of right now with my brain being so foggy. My therapist and I discussed this at the last appointment:\n\nMania/Bipolar is out of the questions since my mood swings aren't more long term (lasting only seconds instead of days), Borderline Personality Disorder was ruled out for ONE reason being \"you were in a relationships for two and a half years so you can't have BPD\"... What? From my understanding it's 5 or more symptoms and you have been diagnosed. I show up to 8. The logic behind it not being BPD and it being \"unknown\" was being able to hold onto a horrid relationship for two and a half years. It had never been stable, him and I were always walking on glass, and I would rip it all to shreds in a matter of seconds if I could WITH ZERO REASON and I loved this guy, I still do, we were doing great until I started getting sick and symptoms got worse. The duration of my relationship should have nothing to do with it... but the QUALITY should.\n\nAnyway, I walked out of the office extremely confused as to what my unknown personality disorder is and they have zero clue what it could be. The only thing brought up about it was my anxiety is causing it, but I've had anxiety my whole life and I've never been like this as far as my emotions spinning how they are. I don't know. I just wonder if I should seek another opinion or switch therapists.\n\nI left out info about myself so I'll include that. I'm a 17 year old female who literally has zero clue what to do anymore. I also forgot to mention my second idea was early schizophrenia, which I knew wasn't too close, but a few signs were there, but I wasn't exactly 100% set on this might be it and brought it up simply to see what my therapists thoughts were.", "answer": "First, some of the symptoms you described, while difficult and difficult to handle for you sound to me like normal teenage feelings just blown up. That means that they might get easier to handle as you get older. Being 17 isn't easy for anyone, I remember my teen years, but it sounds like you've had a more difficult time than you deserve. \n    \nSecond, while I don't understand your therapist's reasoning for ruling out BPD, I'm neither your therapist nor a licensed therapist in general. But, what I can tell you is that I have encountered many people diagnosed with \"Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified\". It's really common. My understanding is that because personality disorders are so broad, an individual can am have a few symptoms from column A, a few from column B, as is the nature of personality. I hope this isn't a barrier to your treatment, but it is possible. What you can do, though, is ask why your therapist ruled it out so quickly. \n    \nNow, don't despair about your treatment! Finding a therapist isn't an easy task, and if the fit with your current therapist isn't good, try to find another. I know you said getting the first appointment wasn't easy, but if you don't feel your mental health is benefiting, you should look into something different. \n    \nFinally, I want to caution you against researching symptoms. Schizophrenia is possible, but with what you've said here, I doubt it's what you're dealing with. And when you're with your therapist, focus more on being as accurate in your depiction of your symptoms individually, and let the therapist put it all together. \n    \nGood luck! It probably all feels like too much right now, but if you just focus on trying to get better, things can improve. \n    \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25o0ze", "comment_id": "chj32c3"}, {"question": "Being hungover and \"recovering all day\" was just a mask to hide my depression.", "description": " I'm feeling depressed today for a number of reasons. I'm laying low, watching movies and just recovering from a heavy emotional week. I haven't felt depressed in awhile, and even when I have it's only a few days. I'm already feeling a bit better and up and about my place.\n\nThis got me thinking about when I was younger and drinking heavily. It was such a nice excuse to use to stay in bed and not talk to anybody all day that I was hungover and recovering. And then when I was drinking three or four nights a week, the same thing. I was in this cycle of drinking and recovering, and thinking that it was normal.\n\nNow that I'm really far away from all of that, I'm starting to grieve and come to terms with the reality of how I was living. I was drinking to escape pain, and I was masking my depression as recovery from the drinking. I just kept running from those two emotions and I needed more and more alcohol and more and more sex and more and more porn to cover it up.\n\nNow that I don't rely on my addictions to numb my emotions, I get to feel them fully, the highs and the lows. Today is definitely a low, and that's okay. I will treat it, I will process it, and tomorrow is a new day.", "answer": "Same. It's a humbling process. Thanks for posting. IWNDWYT :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhf6os", "comment_id": "f3nz6ju"}, {"question": "End of a 10 year relationship.", "description": "My 10 year relationship recently ended yesterday, and this might seem pathetic but, because of my issues with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, I\u2019m afraid I won\u2019t find anyone else to love me or be with me... He was all I knew and he was my everything, ever since I was 14 to now at 24... I don\u2019t know how to cope or move on yet, and I\u2019m prone to getting overly attached to people and things, I guess as a form of comfort, so I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll never move on. I just need advice I guess and I didn\u2019t know where to turn... ", "answer": "It may hurt really bad now but honestly you probably dodged a bullet.  It's fairly unlikely that high school romances lead healthy lifelong relationships but unfortunately so many folks try to make it work out, get married too young, have kids, etc. only to realize at middle age they screwed up their life.  \n\n\nIt might take a while to grieve the loss of this relationship, but once you do, you'll be ready to grow so much as a person as you learn what it's like to have to function on your own and also learn what to do with the freedom to date as an adult.  \n\n\nBest of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "aexqix", "comment_id": "edtpaa3"}, {"question": "Last night I limited my drinking so I could drive home", "description": "I'm normally a stickler for a drink, but I've been really trying to cut back lately. Last night I did something I haven't really done before. I decided to limit myself to one beer while we were out for my Mum's birthday. I did this so I could take over the driving. My girlfriend is the driver in our relationship, but she's succumbed to sciatica recently. On top of that she hates driving in the dark whereas I don't mind it.\n\nAnyway, despite having not driven for a year nor driven on a motorway before, it felt good knowing that I'd kept sober so I could get me and my girlfriend home safely at night. It would have been easy for me to just neck beer after beer and let her drive (she even said she would do it), but I wanted to take control of my life for once. I wanted to show some responsibility. I wanted to wake up with a clear head knowing I'd done something I hadn't done before. And I also wanted to get back into driving. Can't do that when you're sloshed.\n\nAnyway, that's all I wanted to say about that. Thank you for reading.", "answer": "It is an awesome feeling when you control the alcohol and not the other way around! I hope you experience many more of these moments.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dnbdeh", "comment_id": "f5a2pzs"}, {"question": "i poured a drink last night.", "description": "as you can tell by my day count, i'm either new here or have recently relapsed. well, i'm not new here. \n\n​\n\ni've hit a constant relapse faze in my attempt to get sober where i drink just about every 48 hours to deal with loneliness, the people i've pushed away, working two jobs, and being unable to be vulnerable in front of my family, who all live across the country.\n\n​\n\nlast night i poured a drink -- ice in the glass, jim beam and water -- all ready to go.\n\n​\n\nthis thread is the only thing that stopped me. i came here first, read and commented on a few things. then i dumped it down the kitchen sink along with the bottle.\n\n​\n\nthank you all. stay strong this weekend. IWNDWYT.", "answer": "wow! that\u2019s amazing and you should be very proud :) Remember that the poison will only mask our feelings of loneliness. I\u2019m lonely all the time and my habit was to drink to oblivion to block that feeling. The next day, this alcoholic would wake up lonely still but also hungover, ashamed, anxious, etc etc. You got this. Take it one second at a time :) This moment, I won\u2019t drink with you ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "af7la2", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "Disabled person looking for a job before grad school (hopefully)", "description": "I\u2019m a 25 year old woman with cerebral palsy. It isn\u2019t severe but it mainly affects my ability to stand for long periods of time, ability to lift heavy things and I get tired more easily. I also have mental health issues but they aren\u2019t really the focus of this post. I have an undergrad BA in Children\u2019s studies and am almost done a funded MA in disability studies. I have a teaching assistant job for January to April but it\u2019s only going to pay about 300 a month. I have ODSP as well but 99 percent of it goes to rent, sadly. I\u2019m applying to Phd programs for fall 2020 but I need a job to help make ends meet until September (IF I get into school\u2014 longer if not). Any tips?", "answer": "Remote/work from home jobs may be an option for you.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "e3jk12", "comment_id": "f94zfnm"}, {"question": "I feel almost alone in this here...how many of you are dedicated to overcoming your depression without medication? What are you doing to do so?", "description": "I've got nothing against informed adults making the personal decision to try meds to combat their depression. If it's the only thing that works for you, please keep doing what you're doing and taking what you're taking. \n\nThat said, I was not properly informed or even an adult when I was put on medication. I was a depressed and confused kid who couldn't advocate for himself and would take one harmful drug after another that the doctor said would help with the hope that the suffering they caused would one day well be worth going through once the right one was found. It never was and I doubt there is one (at least for me). \n\nI have a feeling I've been going and thinking about this the wrong way. That I've put too much emphasis on feeling like a hopeless chronically mentally ill person whose only hope of a good life is being on drugs that lessen the quality of my life for the rest of my life instead of changing my negative self-defeating thinking, looking at the causes of my depression, and finding support from therapy and family. [I think this video sums up how I feel.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBUqPOP5BEs)\n\nIt's been 6 years and they've only made my depression worse (I got drug induced akathisia so bad I cut my wrists and on the drive to the hospital I attempted to jump out of the car, thank god my mom was there to stop me. Only time I've tried to kill myself and it was caused by something that was supposed to help.) and gave me unbearable side effects (100 pounds of weight gain that I managed to lose after stopping that particular medication and majorly decreased cognitive ability that forced me to drop out of school and is basically ruining any sort of progress in my life atm. I can't even read a book anymore!). \n\nAll that temporary pain I can tolerate, but the worst part is what I deal with everyday of my life. The indifference towards life and the emotional numbness that they make me feel is killing me. I'm not depressed but I'm not happy either, I'm detached from the world and the people in it and always in the same constant mood. I feel like a zombie, I feel like my humanity is slowly fading away. I am not the person I was before I started taking them. This is why I'm starting to safely, with the help of my doctor, ween myself off my meds.\n\nI was wondering if I was alone in my belief that the meds are not for everybody and that **it is** possible to feel better with the right support and changes to lifestyle/thinking? Or am I simply in denial and grasping at straws? What have you who do not take medication done to get over your depression? ", "answer": "I'm on meds.  However, I'd say 90% of my improvement has come from therapy and a support system plus lifestyle changes.  In my case, the medication is like a \"back up\".  I'm on cymbalta currently, which has been pretty mild for me.  I have a strong predisposition in my family towards mental illness, and with my own being potentially life threatening, it's unlikely that I'll ever be able to go without psychiatric care completely.  I also think kids are waaaay over-medicated, and that alternative treatments (therapy) are often undervalued in lieu of a quick fix.  Children also exhibit something called symptom bearing behavior, or can, which means they seem depressed or ill but really are reacting to things in their home or environment.  Children and mental health is a rant of mine for another time, so I'll stop before I turn pedantic.\n\nI gotta say that I'm a huge fan of counseling and therapy.  I went to mandatory therapy post-hospitalization and was all, fuck, this guy is going to be a freak.  Three years later...\n\nPardon me while I slip into dork mode, momentarily.\n\nMy therapist is like the big brother I never had.  He's given me support and has been one of the bet mentors in my life, if not the best.  We have an excellent professional relationship, and I'd probably be dead, frankly, if it wasn't for him - meds or no meds.  He inspired me to go back to school (I'm 35, and failed out originally, due to my depression).  Doing pretty good - and I start grad school next fall.  I did a lot of the work, sure.  Without a mentor I'd probably never have done any of it, though.\n\n</dork>\n\nEven with counseling, I have a lot of work and tedium in managing things.  However, what counseling and behavior/habit change have done for me, medication never could (or would).  I am also a secular Buddhist, I study the Rinzai school of Zen, and find the practice of meditation and mindfulness to be invaluable.  \n\nTherapy isn't just talking.  It's a lot of work.  It's exhausting, and full of challenging yourself and other crap that is difficult, scary, and intimidating.  I have found it worthwhile.  The cutting of mental health benefits paired with the rising of drug subsidies and advertising mean that counseling and psychotherapy often takes a back burner.  Drugs are cheaper, and (in the US anyway), people often don't have benefits that cover therapy even though for most people it's a more effective treatment that has a better prognosis.  Also consider that drug companies pay most of their profits into advertising, and that most doctors are heavily catered to by drug reps who bring them food, meals, gifts, etc...  again, another pedantic rant of mine for another time.\n\nAaaaanyway, I guess I'm really saying that yes, it is potentially possible to feel better without medication.  If your illness is severe enough you may still require medication at some point, temporarily or permanently.  It's hard to say either way without clinical history and observation, though.  I would humbly argue that therapy would help most people who are medicated too.  Of course, I am biased.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ye0en", "comment_id": "c5uwqk8"}, {"question": "My ex bf is using depression as a reason to be abusive", "description": "My ex bf was someone who volunteered and donated to my charity which was how we met. We dated for a year and as we weren\u2019t compatible, we broke up. \n\nWhat followed was months of dramatic and traumatizing experience which is confusing and hurtful to say the least. He started by sending me personal attacks and blame on WhatsApp (\u201cyou\u2019re not open minded enough that\u2019s why we broke up\u201d to \u201cyou\u2019re a shitty leader at work\u201d) and when I didn\u2019t reply, he pulled in everyone in the charity in a group chat (my whole team of donors, volunteers and staff) to tell them they are corrupt with no moral standards and hence he\u2019s resigning (a nasty move to compromise me at work). He then was all nice and said sorry to me, asked me to understand he only said those things because he was depressed and lashing out cuz of the pain. That he has depression and is suicidal. I got so worried that I suppressed all my feelings and got him to see a psychologist and went with him together (he refused to go alone). He was diagnosed with clinical depression and taking meds. \n\nWhen I wanted to move on and stop talking to him (the personal attacks and blame messages never stopped), he\u2019d talk to my friends and tried to turn them against me with gossip. He also said he won\u2019t donate the rest of the amount he pledged because he doesn\u2019t have money (totally untrue and only because we\u2019re no longer dating). When I told him I needed my space and will stop talking to him, he threatened to not handover work (things he took care of as a volunteer). So I was forced to speak to him again and then gradually stopped replying. He then donated the rest of the pledged amount to the charity (as a way to get me to speak to him), and when I don\u2019t respond to his personal demands, he threatens to demand a refund of the donation (who does that?!). \n\nLast night he sent me suicidal messages again saying he took lots of sedative, so I messaged his mom as we were both worried, and she asked me to call the police. A crew of firemen, policemen and ambulance health professionals showed him at his place at 2am and turns out he\u2019s fine. \n\nHe now yells at me for calling the cops on him and requests a refund of the donation. \n\nI\u2019m amazed by the ways he tries to manipulate me, from personal and professional attacks, suicidal messages, donate and refund requests.. He doesn\u2019t want to get back together but he wants me to stay in his life which I don\u2019t understand why, other than feeling like I\u2019m in his control somehow? What should I do with this guy? \n\nTL;DR: Ex bf tried to manipulate me with suicidal messages, personal and professional attacks for no reason other than making me emotional and under control. ", "answer": "Oftentimes abusers will honeymoon you with positive behaviors as a mechanism of control. They will use those positive behaviors against you as a way to make you feel guilty or shitty. \n\nYou\u2019re absolutely right that he\u2019s using his depression as a way to emotionally abuse you. I can\u2019t count the number of times I\u2019ve had abusers in my group tell me a story just like this. Threatening suicide is a really common abusive tactic that abusers use against the victim. It\u2019s important to remember that you reacting to his suicide is perfectly normal, and his reaction to it is totally unjustified. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a6tl8w", "comment_id": "ebxu677"}, {"question": "I suspect my 5yo daughter has ADHD.", "description": "We\u2019ve just been watching up to this point, but now her kindergarten teacher had us in for a conference because she\u2019s been seeing everything we\u2019ve been noticing at home. I know my daughter is an intelligent creative thinker, so school is not my main concern right now.\n\nFor now I am most concerned about her social emotional health. She already talks about her \u201cnot remembering brain\u201d or \u201cthe thoughts that get stuck.\u201d Her emotions are so very big and she is so very sensitive. When she feels remorse for doing something to her big sister, she feels it so deeply that she says she wishes that she was dead or that she was never born. She\u2019s five.\n\nI am in this sub because of her. I\u2019ve been reading your stories, so thank you. But from this emotional standpoint, how can we help her? What do you wish that you heard or that you were given when you were a little kid like this? ", "answer": "I'd recommend looking at what the circle of security is. It helps parents understand when and why kids play or need support and also what their needs are at given times.\n\nAlso, many of Dan Siegels books are great. Specifically the whole brain child. It's about connecting and supporting through emotions. \n\nAs for what you can give, unconditional love. When she is angry say \"I can see you are really angry at the moment. It is really infuriating when kids don't play how you want.\" (An exanple) Give her a hug. Then say to her, you are angry, how cam we make you feel a little better. Listen to her answer and do what she says, if she can't answer then let her know you are right there and when she needs you she can come and get you. Then just sit next to her while she works it off. This works for most emotions. When she's a little calmer, tell her you love her. Shame will be a big thing at her age and she needs to know when she gets upset, there are boundaries on how we cope but regardless of what happens you still love her.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b2es5k", "comment_id": "eistw5y"}, {"question": "Can an extrovert have social anxiety?", "description": "I always thought I was an introvert with social anxiety and I played the part but now I\u2019m getting rid of my social anxiety and I found out I feel good when I\u2019m with people. Is it possible that I was unknowingly an extrovert?", "answer": "Yes.  Absolutely.  Extroversion/Introversion have nothing to do with how good your social skills are or how much anxiety you have over social situations.  Where you fall on the continuum has much more to do with the HOW you prefer to interact with others and what kinds of activities are needed to \"recharge your batteries\" when stressed.  \n\nSocial anxiety is something that can impact both extroverts and introverts equally.  It causes separate problems for each.  When social anxiety is high which causes people to avoid social situations, it causes problems for introverts because they generally already isolate themselves more because they generally enjoy activities that require more alone and quiet time.  Even though this is the case, introverts still do need and want to be social, and this limits their chances further.  A major problem for introverts with social anxiety is it generally causes more harm to their relationships as people who don't understand start to think that the introvert with social anxiety \"doesn't want to spend time with them.\"\n\nExtroverts who are socially anxious and avoid socializing can sometimes be hit harder by social anxiety.  The more extroverted you are, the more you NEED to socialize and have a lower tolerance for isolation, so in many ways, social anxiety can cause more pain for extroverts in this way.\n\n\n[-The WebShrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99d575", "comment_id": "e4n9wm6"}, {"question": "Organization for ADHD- calendars and passion planner didn\u2019t work. 2019 I\u2019m giving Bullet Journal a go!", "description": "When my friend introduced me to it it was like lightning. I don\u2019t have to be organized, I do t have to plan ahead, I don\u2019t run out of space... I spent about 15 minutes figuring it out and setting mine up and I\u2019m falling in love. Because it\u2019s just a list. And I\u2019m real good at making lists! And this one has tools to help me stay accountable. \n\nAny other success stories for organizational tools or advice if you\u2019ve tried BuJo? It feels very natural to me and already I have much less stress re: \u201cgetting organized\u201d. All my shit is just going on one page, every day. No more complex post-it system!", "answer": "I am really enjoying the bullet journal so far. I started mine in December so I\u2019ve been at it a month. I find I am sticking with it where I have failed with other planners in the past because it is so fun to me and really holds my interest. I have had fun coloring and designing things and making it pretty; that\u2019s what is keeping me invested in it. And because I enjoy looking at everything I made, I feel much more compelled to actually use it compared with traditional planners. \n\nI hope it works for you and that you enjoy it as much as I have so far!\n\nEdit for a typo ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abpb67", "comment_id": "ed26hgh"}, {"question": "[26 F] My boyfriend [30 M] is great, but doesn't love me", "description": "Hi Reddit, I hope I can get some thoughts on this. Just a bit stumped and hurt. I started officially seeing this man about a year ago, and other than a rough patch at the beginning of the relationship (I'll explain in a bit) it's heads and above my healthiest relationship. He's a caring bf, with whom I spend a lot of time. We cook together, work on our respective side hustles together, and talk a ton about all kinds of topics. We're planning some trips this summer as well. For my part, I have been in love with him for some time m\u2014I'm generally guilty of sincerely saying \"I love you\" first in every relationship. For his part, he's never returned it himself. This is actually the second relationship in a row (the previous was about 2 years) where the other person didn't say it to me.\n\n\nComplicating my worries, we actually did break up for some months. At that time he was working crazy hours. Half a year into seeing him I told him (after multiple discussions) that things couldn't continue this way\u2014i needed more. We broke up, and I was heartbroken for a little more than a  month as our conversations dwindled to nothing. Making matters worse, we'd broken up right before he started a job that required a temporary transfer. For me, it was a dark time where I couldn't think about anything else but how much I missed him and was shocked over the whole thing. I tried my best to see friends and doing a lot of hobbies to keep myself busy. When he came back to my state, he reached out. We started hanging out and talking again like we had. Finally, while we were drinking at his place, I (this is horribly embarrassing) leaned in to kiss him and he turned his head. Both mortified, he explained he had started seeing someone else, and that he did miss me and felt like we had a connection that he realized he needed, but he had to end the other relationship first. I was sort of shell shocked that he'd found someone so quickly while I was still reeling from our breakup, but he did break up with her. We discussed this event in detail, I got all my confusion and hurt out, and we decided to try again. \n\nAfter this, it has been a very rewarding relationship in a lot of ways (it's now been over 5mo since we got back together). He's respectful, pushes me intellectually, respects me, and has stopped over-working. He calls me \"sweetie\" and is generous with gifts and time\u2014a planned trip is several months from now so I know he's thinking about being with me for some time. He's even met my parents, and is my second boyfriend to win real approval. \n\nHe has, however, not said that he loves me back. I've had a handful of micro-heartbreaks where I say \"I love you so much\" or \"I really love you\" to an immediately uncomfortable man who very obviously doesn't know what to do. I feel badly to put him in that position, but sometimes I'm drunk and happy, or we're falling asleep and I'm happy, and I don't feel right about keeping in emotions that I know I'm feeling just to make him comfortable. One time I even made him a video of me singing him a love song for Valentine's Day, which sounds silly, probably.\n\nSo, here I am. I have my dream bf in so many ways... but tonight before going to sleep I discussed love with him (this is the third time) as delicately as possible. I said \"I think it's important that I know if you don't, even if you're just not ready to say it\" and he didn't say anything. I told him \"this is eventually going to be important to me... to be loved by someone and have them say it back\". He held me and rubbed my back (which is commonly his response), clearly upset that he's upset me again, and I tried to be very quiet about how horrible I felt.\n\nI love him a lot, is my issue. I didn't stop wanting to be with him when we broke up and it was a dream to have him come back to me when my friends were confused by his behavior, and told me to get over it. I just know how my last relationship felt and ended, and there's also this horrible feeling in my gut that tells me this unloved feeling doesn't have to be there. \n\nAnyone have advice on (a) If it's me, and (b) If I need to end it before I put another significant years into a relationship that makes me feel unloved, and/or (c) What i may doing to have these seemingly unusual relationships? You can also just vent about similar experiences... I just feel very alone and would love that as well.", "answer": "If someone doesn't love you after three months, they never will. People spend way too much time waiting....", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67fsz5", "comment_id": "dgq21uj"}, {"question": "What am I supposed to do when I feel happier and enjoy things more when I'm drunk?", "description": "I crave being drunk because I enjoy music more. I can feel my emotions and cry if I need to. I'll want to do things I had no interest in before.\n\nI just don't understand how I am supposed to achieve the feelings of happiness that I get when I'm drinking. I guess I could be depressed but I just don't know how I'm supposed to enjoy day to day life the same way I do when I have a drink at night.", "answer": "What are some of the reasons you want to stop? If alcohol only did the things you just mentioned, I would assume you wouldn\u2019t want to stop.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cqdnei", "comment_id": "eww8qiu"}, {"question": "I hate being employed.", "description": "Goddamit.\n\nNot looking for advice or anything, just need to fucking vent because the dread and panic have become like a tsunami, overwhelming me to the point I can barely function anymore.\n\nI hate being employed. Hate, not dislike, not mind, hate.\n\nI hate being in a position where I have to deal with hormonal bosses even when I do everything right (and by right I mean their stupid way), just because they have nothing better to do on a weekend and fill their lives with micro-managing their \"team\".\n\nI hate being stupid when I was younger and choosing a field of studies in which I basically cannot work. I hate not having any interesting options just because I was an idiot when I was 18.\n\nI hate being smarter than my superiors but not being allowed to apply my brains because they want shit done their way, even when the alternative is a proven better option.\n\nI hate having to give 9 hours of my day to something that doesn't fucking matter.\n\nI hate not being able to LIVE the way I want to LIVE, just because I HAVE to make money. I HAVE TO.\n\nI hate that anyone with a \"degree\" can call themselves my boss and make me do things their way, no matter how inefficient or redundant.\n\nI hate that stupid people are allowed to decide how my day goes, what I should do, how I should think, how my time is spent, and how much I'm allowed to ask in return.\n\nI hate everything about being employed, I have zero prospects regarding how I can become self-employed, and I'm trapped in a cycle of getting a job because I have to make money, convincing myself it's not so bad, getting more and more disillusioned and depressed, getting tired of being depressed because of something as insignificant as a job, quitting that stupid job for something better, starting that new job, finding myself in the same fucking position all over again, and back to square one.\n\n\nI fucking hate it. I'd rather die than live this way but I don't want to fucking die, I want to fucking LIVE. This is not living.", "answer": "I know how you feel.  I have a four year psych degree, which is pointless.  All I can get are stupid administrative jobs that pay very little.  I literally have nothing to do at my job.  I sit here and browse the Internet from 8:30-4:30 every day, and then I sit in traffic for 45 minutes on my way home.  It's better than working retail or waitressing, but sometimes my anxiety and depression get so bad from just sitting here.  Why is it so easy for some people to find great jobs that they actually enjoy?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "6p7cov", "comment_id": "dkng23b"}, {"question": "What choices do I have now? Bad news from insurance company.", "description": "I'm going to make an appointment with a behavioral health center and check if I do have ADD or ADHD. I'm 95% sure I have it. It's sabotaged my work and personal life but mostly my past jobs.\nMy insurance company told me they will only cover the first two appointments. If I need sit down with someone 2 times they'll cover it and of course my medication.\nIll have to pay out of pocket for if I want any future appointments.\n\nNot sure what else to do at this point. I think my only option is to take something natural that will both help my depression and ADHD\n\nWhat do you guys think? ", "answer": "Natural remedies are basically a waste of time for adhd. People can argue if they want but the research shows very little support for natural remedies for it; I\u2019d hate to see you waste a bunch of money and time. You\u2019ll likely be able to get what you need in 1-2 appts and your doctor may be willing to work with you on a sliding scale fee if you need further appts afterward.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aiequ4", "comment_id": "een88uk"}, {"question": "How many of you in recovery and on this subreddit work in either the mental health field or addiction/ recovery?", "description": "I myself am in recovery and work at a 90 day impatient treatment center for recovery from eating disorders.", "answer": "MSW student in recovery, possibly will work in the addictions field.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "mm0h7", "comment_id": "c325ljp"}, {"question": "HALT works", "description": "Hi everyone, im new to this board but i just wanted to share with you that I just stopped a huge craving by simply making something to eat. I was sitting on the couch wanting to drink really bad, i mean I was just sitting there simmering with the idea of going to the store and getting some beer. I knew I had some chicken to cook though and I wanted to do that first, I told myself I would eat it later. So I made it and was like, that looks good Ill try a piece, and then I had another piece and then I felt the craving gone and was like, I dont want to drink now, Ill  just chill the rest of the night. HALT works and I look forward to not drinking with you tonight.", "answer": "Yes! I learned that one of my big triggers was feeling tired. I thought I needed to drink in order to sleep... turns out I can nap and sleep waaay better without. \n\nSo when thoughts come up, I use HALT... only I start at the end ;)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "734kut", "comment_id": "dnnoa81"}, {"question": "Should I give him space or should I just leave him?", "description": "So, I've (21) been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (26) for a year and 6 months. I live in London and he's in Montreal. We met through mutual friends and it was like 'love at first sight.' Our relationship started from distance but was always good. He's in Montreal now passing his bar exam for law. And I am a second year student in London. Lately, for the past month or so he's been very distant. We barely talk and when we are on the phone there's nothing to talk about. I feel he doesn't want to talk anymore. He became very cold. \n\nHe basically has three stages of the bar exams. He passed one exam easily February and it disappointed him. He thought it was very hard and he might not pass. So when I ask him what's wrong he tell me it's the exam. He hasn't been sleeping properly lately because at night he thinks a lot about his future and what if he fails. \n\nI just feel that we still aren't close enough. He's so cold and never talks about what's going on with him. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be annoying and needy at the wrong time. I love him so much but I am so confused with what to do. It's the first time I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I say maybe I should give him a break and tell him focus on ur studies I'll be here when ur done. But I'm also selfish, what if he leaves me for good?  \n\nWhen we first started dating he told me, \"my first priority is my education and I don't want you to do anything that will interfere in it.\"  I completely respect them, it made me fall in love with him more because he has an aim and he's ambitious which is very manly. \n\nI confronted him few times and he always tells me I'm busy studying, and it's true he's studying all the time. But I am also sure that he can take five minutes to call and just ask... \n\nSometimes I feel that I am just overthinking things that I'm imagining. \n\nShould I just give him his space and not talk to him for now? Or should I talk about it? What should I do?", "answer": "respect the space he asks for. if that includes checking in, do so. decide how patient you can be with waiting, then move on", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vijhi", "comment_id": "de2c4jg"}, {"question": "Extrovert struggling to make friends in 30s", "description": "Am in the us. And have no friends. Have a good job and am married.\n\nI find that I dont have any trouble with talking or shyness. I dont have too many inhibitions talking to most people. But I can never make a connection with a Male friend where he wants to stay in touch with me. If you look at my message history online on various social networks it is a lot of me trying to initiate conversations. Very rarely do i have guys/men trying to talk to me or express the desire to stay in touch.\n\nThis especially rears its ugly head when i wanna go to lunch but can rarely find people apart from my wife who wanna hang out with me.\n\nI have been friendless most of life even though I have people I talk to when I get the chance to see them face to face\n\nI have had the problem where people dont take me seriously", "answer": "You mentioned \"look at my message history in various social networks.\"  I may be jumping to conclusions but I'd say as a good first step, try to rely less on the internet and social media to develop any kind of real relationship.  \n\n\nSometimes less is more.  For instance, if you're constantly talking to or trying to talk to people online or via phone, they have less of a reason to actually spend time with you in person.  \n\n\nOnce you meet someone through a club, group, shared activity, get their contact info.  Instead of trying to talk or hold conversations via social media or video games or anything, set a date/time to hang out and do something in person.  If they engage, great, if not, try with someone else.\n\n[-The WebShrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99fh8y", "comment_id": "e4nc2it"}, {"question": "Have a mental health with my University (UK). Worried about questions about suicidal thoughts.", "description": "Dealing with anxiety and depression.\n\nI have previously been to and spoken with my Uni's mental health advisor. I answered honestly when asked about suicide and was turned away because they weren't equipped to deal with it.\n\nI am in a better place now, through my own efforts, but would still like support. I am not suicidal, nor have I been for a long time, but am now scared that I might be turned away for any hint/mention.\n\n I want to be honest, but I'm scared that any mention might see me turned away again. Can anyone advise me on whether or not brief mentions would do this/what can make them turn you away.\n\nApologies if this makes no sense or is long winded, but thanks :)", "answer": "I'm sorry you had to deal with this.  I'm a therapist in the US and I'm just starting to learn about how things work in the UK regarding mental health.  It's surprising as I'm pretty liberal and would love for us to have universal healthcare here, but it sounds like a bit of a nightmare.  \n\nIf they said they weren't able to deal with these issues, they probably didn't have the education and experience you'd want them to have to help you anyway.  I'd say do what you need to do to get connected through NHS to an actual therapist.  In the meantime, get whatever help you can from the school mental health advisor.  If you have not been suicidal for a long time you don't need to mention it unless asked.  If asked, be honest and say it hasn't been for however long but you do need help with depression and anxiety.  Maybe you'll get a different response, especially if it's a different advisor.  Best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6rd0i1", "comment_id": "dl4myz9"}, {"question": "bad chest pains, weakness, despite doctors saying I'm ok (19yF)", "description": "19 skinny, but cheap diet. no work out regimen. so I have PVCs pretty often, that's a common thing, so I take Tenormin 25mg once a day. Without the pills my resting heart rate would be fast as hell usually 90 or so. I get this feeling of someone squeezing my heart all the time and now it's just worrisome, my pulse is so hard like I'm getting hit in the chest. \nI'm a pretty stressful person and I have BAD anxiety, but I really don't think that's what it is. I spent a lot of time learning about myself and my mental issues so when people say 'it's just anxiety' I get so annoyed. \n\nthis week I've had the squeezing pain almost 24/7, I was getting lightheaded and my lips got really swollen (probably from the prednisone I'm on for an allergic reaction) I went to the doctor BP was normal but I went to the ER right away I was just scared and chest pains aren't to be ignored, especially when you take beta blockers for PVCs. \n\nGot to the ER (it was actually a quick-ish comfortable place) I told them about my chest pains and trouble breathing so they hooked me up, I got an ekg and chest X-ray, as well as blood tests for dehydration I think. they said everything was fine! I asked what I should do about the chest pains that are so scary for me. they literally said just take Tylenol. WHAT?? they prescribed something for the \"vertigo\" I had but I didn't get that filled because that's not what it is I get lightheaded all the time and I don't know maybe I'm stubborn but there's no way it's just vertigo. That was my second opinion, I've been to a cardiologist who told me I was too young to be there. F U! \n\nwell last night I had more of a heartburn like feeling all over my chest, and my heart feels weak like I just got out of an open heart surgery. this morning it's more weak and so so tired! I know the steroids can increase heart rate but I just have a really bad feeling. I can breathe ok it's just the tightness in my chest right now. \n\ncan someone help me so I can get the help I really need? could the problem be somewhere else? I have an extensive list of problems so please ask me anything! lol ", "answer": "Honestly, I don't think it's sinister. You might not want to hear this, but it does sound anxiety-related.\n\nEdit: Might be worthwhile considering an alternative to atenolol, like an SSRI.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4x98w5", "comment_id": "d6dmokb"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Do you have a psychiatrist or did you just talk to your PCP? It is probably a good idea to seek a second opinion with a board certified psychiatrist if you don't have one as they go more in depth re mental health than PCPs do.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aj6k30", "comment_id": "eet5jlr"}, {"question": "Choosing a doc for alcoholic, mom showing extreme jaundice", "description": "My mother is in her mid 50's, and I was very alarmed when I came up to see her today to see that she is bright yellow! The whites of her eyes are yellow, her skin is very yellow. She's extremely jaundiced. She is a long time heavy drinker and she has lately been eating less and less. Not sure if it's anorexia, or if whatever is happening with her has lessened her appetite. \n\nI'd like to take her to an instacare or even the ER, but she won't go. After some badgering she's finally conceded to make an appointment with a doctor, but she says she doesn't know who to go to that's in her insurance network and keeps saying she'll call, \"later\", which means she won't... she's just dragging her feet.\n\nSo I'M calling.  My question is, should I take her to a general/family doctor first, or would that be a waste of time since this is very likely something to do with her liver or gallbladder or something?  \n\nThanks in advance for advice. \n\nUPDATE:  Thank you everyone for your input, stories and advice. Since there were so many requests, I wanted to let you know how it went down. I searched her insurance's directory for a pcp who specialized in internal medicine. I'm sure you all have an idea what a pain that can be. Most of those directories are out of date. Had to call a few that had closed practice or were no longer accepting new patients before I found one. When I described the situation and the symptoms for the receptionist she was kind enough to get me a same day appointment in just over an hour from there. She was so angry. I went along to make sure she didn't flake out on it, didn't take out all of her anger on my poor dad, and didn't lie to the doctor about her lifestyle or her symptoms. I know that all sounds incredibly horrible and controlling... I guess it IS terrible and controlling, but when you're dealing with an addict that's in denial the line gets kind of fuzzy.\n\nAnyway, so we went. The doctor shut down her complaints right away that we were worried about nothing and told her that she was very plainly jaundiced and that it was most likely from her alcohol consumption, that she needs to stop drinking to give her body a chance to heal, and that when people are alcoholic they are usually also malnourished and that could also be a factor. \n\nHe definitely didn't seemed as alarmed about the situation as I was though, or as a lot of people I've told seem to have been. Maybe he was looking at it from the perspective that people respond better to a gentle nudge than a stern lecture and he didn't want to make her shut down, so he was pretty optimistic. He told a story about a past patient who had damaged his liver very badly after his wife died and how he was able to come back from that by quitting drinking and re-balancing his nutrition. He didn't send her to Urgent Care or ER, but he draw blood to work and said he may need to contact her with new information or follow ups. He prescribed an anti-seizure medication for her while she quits drinking, but I thought he seemed very cavalier about it. He described it more like, \"If you feel nervous, uncomfortable or jittery in the first week you can take these to help take the edge off.\" rather than a serious precaution to prevent sudden death. \n\nSo, that's that. Really hoping she'll take this seriously and give up the bottle now, but I know she's the only one that can make that choice.\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------\n\nUpdate #2: \n\nI think a lot of you will be as pleased as I am with this update. This afternoon my dad called me to let me know that the doctor had called Mom at work to let her know that her blood testing had shown dangerously elevated levels of Bilirubin in her blood (nearly 30?) and that his advice after seeing her results was for her to immediately get to her nearest emergency room for continued care. She left early and went to the nearest Urgent Care. There they did further testing and began an IV until they decided she should be transferred to a local hospital for several days to monitor her detox and continued evaluation. That's where she is now. I feel much better now with this escalation. I'm sure she's more upset now and frightened, but based on everything I've heard this is a more appropriate response to her symptoms and she is actually going to get the kind of care that she needs. ", "answer": "How much is she drinking? She probably should NOT stop abruptly unless she has medical support.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ks2yt", "comment_id": "e71lviu"}, {"question": "Does not being a mrsa carrier mean you are immune to contracting it from someone who is a carrier?", "description": "A friend of mine said her boyfriend recently found out that he is a carrier for mrsa. She said she has not caught it because she is not a carrier.\n\n\n\nI did not think that's how it worked. I thought the person who is colonized, though showing no symptoms, can still infect other people, whether they are carriers or not. Not being a carrier does not really protect you from it, correct? She is sleeping with this man and she thinks she is immune or not likely to catch it because she is not a carrier.", "answer": "I think there might be some terminology confusion here.\n\nGenetically, a carrier is someone who has one copy of a recessive gene that, if two copies are present, causes a disease. Sometimes being a carrier itself has some effects. Perhaps most famously, sickle cell carriers (heterozygotes) are more resistant to infection by malaria. One reason for the term \"carrier\" is because, although the individual doesn't have the disease phenotype, they can pass the allele on to children. Two carriers who have children have a chance of having a child with the disease. (25%, in classical Mendelian genetics.)\n\nBeing a carrier of an infection is entirely different, although the idea is the same: you harbor the bacteria or virus, but you don't have any signs of infection. You can transmit it to someone else, at least some of the time. In the case of some infections, including staph/MRSA, it's possible to infect yourself. For example, someone with MRSA colonization who gets a cut may have that MRSA introduced into deeper tissues or the bloodstream. MRSA actually isn't one of the most terrible and virulent infections, despite its reputation; the danger is in its resistance to treatment, not the inherent danger of infection by Staph aureus.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e82tlf", "comment_id": "fa97n1f"}, {"question": "[26/m] Was headed towards dating this girl [28/f], we mutually decided to put it on hold for a while (reasons inside). Is kissing other women during this time morally wrong/\"cheating?\"", "description": "I met this girl in November, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Things were going great until early January, where she confessed that she was very nervous about where it was going. Thing is, I may be moving away within the next few months for school or a job. She knew this from the start, but I guess as things ramped up she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. Long story short, she wants to be sure I'm actually still here before we get into anything serious. Totally understandable, and I agreed. Not one for LDRs, they rarely work IMO.\n\nWe have kissed a couple times since then but otherwise it's been this weird limbo of platonic/not-so-platonic. Obvious that we like each other, though. Problem is, the past couple weeks I've been entertaining the attractions of other women; just making out with them, usually while under the influence a bit. One was a friend and we mutually agreed that it was stupid, and the other was an ex of mine just last night, who clearly is still up for trying us out as a couple again (I'm not).\n\nI understand that the first girl and I are not/were never official and have never had sex, so I shouldn't be concerned about what I do, but I still feel guilty about it. I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and it feels like I'm heading down that road of doing so. I truly am very interested in the first girl, and would absolutely be exclusive with her if the opportunity arose. I don't plan on doing it again for sure, but should I be feeling this way at all? Am I being too hard on myself? Should I mention that I hooked up with a couple girls to her? Thanks.", "answer": "temporary breaks need **definition**: dating others/or not??;   contact with each other??/how much??", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vimv4", "comment_id": "de2c39t"}, {"question": "I (20m) haven\u2019t been to the dentist in two years, but brush my teeth twice a day regularly. At my cleaning today, I was told I have 12 cavities. Is this possible?", "description": "I am a 20-year-old male (5\u201910\u201d, 150lbs, Caucasian) in college, so I\u2019ve definitely been experiencing a lot of stress and have been grinding my teeth a lot since my last dentist appointment. However, I haven\u2019t been experiencing a whole lot of pain in my teeth, just some sensitivity. They also mentioned that most of the cavities were due to a lack of flossing and were therefore in between my teeth (i.e. not from grinding). I\u2019m not one to question doctors and self-diagnose, but I just find it hard to believe that I somehow developed 12 cavities while thinking I had none. We\u2019ve had issues with this dentist in the past where they act like used car salesmen, so I\u2019m skeptical about getting the cavities filled without a second opinion.\n\nI should also mention that I am going back to school (~450 miles away) in about a week, and when I told them this they were adamant I didn\u2019t see another dentist out that way to fix any issues. Instead they told me I should wait til December to see them again because they are more familiar with my records. Should I just put my faith in these doctors and let them do their job, or am I right in being suspicious of their claims?", "answer": "For dental issues you might want r/Dentistry instead. My general opinion is that anyone recommending against second opinions is a medical huckster and you want a second opinion even more. The only exception would be something so urgent that there's no time for a second opinion, and waiting until December definitely isn't that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928y4y", "comment_id": "e33yp3m"}, {"question": "I (F22) just turned 22 and I am petrified of \"growing up\"", "description": "All of my mental issues aside, I am extremely scared of becoming an adult. I feel like I was just 17 a moment ago and don't feel ready to take on responsibilities. I have a job and go to school while living with my parents but I can't imagine moving out and living on my own any time soon... I feel like I would end up homeless or getting too depressed and hurting myself. Does anyone else experience this? I just feel like a kid still...\n\n​\n\nTl;Dr: I feel like a kid and am scared of taking on more responsibilities. ", "answer": "I don't think anyone ever truly feels like \"an adult\" no matter how old or what their life situation is.  Most of us are just winging it and doing the best we can.  A lot of people avoid \"growing up\".  More responsibilities mean more stress, but they also mean more freedom which for most folks is completely necessary to living their best life.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9qxnn6", "comment_id": "e8d8z8i"}, {"question": "Paxil or Wellbutrin?", "description": "Hey everyone :) \nSo it's been a long time coming but today I finally gave in and decided to go on medication for anxiety and depression.\nThe doctor basically let me choose which medication to go on and she gave me some options. Both of my parents are on Paxil so I figured that would be a safe option to choose, so I opted for that! \nWhen I got home, I did some more research and really like the effects that Wellbutrin have.\nSo, my question is, should I call my doctor and have them switch me over to wellbutrin since I have not begun Paxil yet? \nCurious to hear peoples opinion!", "answer": "What are the benefits you\u2019re intrigued by with Wellbutrin? Have you looked at the potential side effects of both meds?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgovi7", "comment_id": "fk6mehe"}, {"question": "I'm [22/f] with [24\\M] boyfriend; Talks down to me alot.", "description": "Im not sure if im the one who is at fault for how bad our relationship has gotten and i dont know what to do at this point. \n\nI feel like he is always snapping at me, if i dont do something fast enough or good enough he gets mad at me.\n\nJust today he got mad at me for taking too long to close our patio door; He works from home and he likes to keep the patio door open. And when im around the apartment i dont typically wear pants, ill wear short shorts or just my panties. \n\nSo this morning before his shift he opend the patio door, well in the middle of his shift someone was yelling and we could hear it through the patio. he freaks out and gives me a really pissed off look and tells me to go close the door. \n\nWell me not wear pants didn't want the whole apartment complex to see so i went around the blinds and closed the door, yeah it took a few seconds longer but i did it for him.\n\n\nAfter that he just keeps saying how im an unreliable partner, who he cant depend on. and how im so lazy. and he just keeps repeating this to me over and over\n\nHe does things like this all the time and i dont know if it is me, if i truly deserve being treated like this  ", "answer": "you need couples counseling; esp. if he doesn't respond to you demanding that he treat you like a human being.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvq3f", "comment_id": "ddx9zt6"}, {"question": "A possible theory for why ADHD is so highly comorbid with BPD", "description": "So apparently around 25% of people with BPD also have ADHD...\n\nWhat could account for this other than ADHD predisposing people to developing these kinds of disorders because of increased sensitivity or something? And since ADHD is highly genetic, children with ADHD are more likely to have parents with ADHD who are therefore more likely to well not be very good parents to say the least... \n\ne.g. My dad displays many ADHD symptoms and had a lot of issues growing up (and his suspected ADHD may have predisposed him to developing these issues), which negatively affected my upbringing... I was also just surrounded by a lot of violent behaviour growing up, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of those perpetrators of violence also suffered from something like ADHD... \n\nI was surrounded by quite a bit of destructive alcoholism and alcoholism is statistically higher among those with ADHD...\n\nso I don't know...\n\nwhy do you think that ADHD and BPD are highly comorbid? ", "answer": "As someone with adhd, Intensity is one way to activate me to be able to focus and concentrate. So it makes sense ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7a2stw", "comment_id": "dp6ou75"}, {"question": "How to overcome anxiety and actually make an appointment", "description": "I very briefly (one appointment, as I recall) saw a therapist when I was a child, and I do not remember the event fondly. Nothing *actually* bad happened (i.e., I wasn't molested or anything like that), but the therapist scared me. He was a big man with a beard, I didn't understand why I was alone with him, and he was asking me questions I didn't know how to answer. As an adult, I think I could probably benefit from having therapy, but when I think about trying to find someone or calling to make an appointment, I'm suddenly 8 years old again.\n\n​\n\nDoes anyone have any advice for how to overcome the anxiety and actually make myself set up an appointment?", "answer": "In regards to making the call itself,\n\n\nWrite out what you want to say on a piece of paper.  Write down what you might say in response to a few common questions.  Rehearse it once or twice, then have it in front of you when you call.  \n\n\nUsually when you call, they'll just ask you your name, phone number to call back, a brief summary of what you're coming in for (which can basically be a few words ie. depression, anxiety, job stress) and what insurance you have.  \n\n\nI have a lot of anxiety when talking to strangers on the phone.  Setting up appointments is even more difficult for me.  Having a script always helps.  \n\n\nWhen it comes to picking a therapist, remember, there's no perfect way of knowing whether a therapist is going to be a good fit until you actually go.  Don't stress too much over finding who appears to be the perfect fit.  If reading someone's bio or getting a rec give you a decent feeling, give it a shot.  Just because you start with someone doesn't mean you're stuck.  If after 1 or a few sessions you can move on and find someone else.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cn6vot", "comment_id": "ew87npi"}, {"question": "Is it okay to suddenly kiss the guy i like?", "description": "I [19/f] really really like this good guy friend of mine [17/m] i already confessed to him and he sort of rejected me, we still are really good friends. for the past months we have been meeting up, our colleges are only a ride away from each other, and we go to Karaoke places and sing with our mutual friends. \nI want to get over him and really remain friends, maybe become best friends with him, but i never had the closure i needed, because i confronted my feelings for him through emails and chats.\nwhat should i do?\nplease help. \nI really really need it \n", "answer": "just talk and have a low key date like coffee", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kkdoj", "comment_id": "dboj9x9"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to get your therapist and their staff gifts?", "description": "I've been with my therapist for 6 years, after a suicide attempt, and a second one three years ago. She and her staff have been a breath of fresh air. I have BPD, and my symptoms are all but gone thanks to her.\n\nTwo months ago my therapist went on a sudden leave of absence. I was handed over to a different therapist, and found out my current one had a tumor in her pancreas. She's okay, it was removed, it's noncancerous. She came back on Monday, and I saw her. As I was in the waiting room, this woman came in, demanding that her appointment with my therapist was at 4:45. That was my appointment slot. The receptionist did everything she could to calm her, while having verbal abuse hurled at her to the point where she was near tears. I was brought in to therapy and the woman was brought into the back office to see someone and hopefully calm down. My therapist immediately APOLOGIZED to me for being gone for two months. She was sick! She had  tumor! But she was so apologetic, and so kind. Her phone rang, it was the front desk. The woman was screaming again, and the receptionist was begging for help. My therapist told her she could see her after me, but apparently that wasn't good enough. I told them I would go back out, she could have my slot and I would come in for the slot after. I went out and the receptionist was crying, apologizing to me like THEY screwed up. \n\nI realized just how much they go through, just how much they really work for their patients. Both the receptionist and my therapist did nothing but praise me (for not panicking or acting out) and apologize. I realized just how far I've come in handling stress and that feeling of being pushed aside of abandoned (two years ago I would have screamed before I volunteered to swap with someone). And...I want to do something kind for them. But I do not know if it's appropriate for a patient to get staff gifts. I was thinking home made cookies, or flowers. But is that breaking the line between a patient and a doctor (and staff) relationship? I absolutely do not want to be rude, or come across as \"too close\" by offering gifts, but they really deserve something nice for how far they've helped me come. I can hold down a job now, I can live on my own, I don't scream anymore, I'm not angry anymore. They deserve at least...something.", "answer": "I think something small for the office like flowers or shared food would be very much appreciated.  The way you described your gratitude here is very appropriate.\n\nGifts typically only become a boundary issue when they are personal or expensive. Some practices (or local ethical codes) have dollar limits.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fa717l", "comment_id": "fiwy7pa"}, {"question": "I Suddenly die while pooping. What could it be?", "description": "Age: 20F, Weight: 105, Height: 5\u20192 Race: Asian, Duration: On and off starting four years ago, Location: stomach to whole body, No existing medical issues. Current medication: Nuvaring.\n\n\n\n\nI\u2019ll explain the best I can.  I think I am dying while pooping.  So occasionally ( once every three/ four months) specially in the morning I feel a cramp in my stomach. I rush to relieve myself and I suddenly feel extremely light headed, cold, blood rushing down my face and feel like I\u2019m going to pass out.  I also feel like my blood is pulsating and centralized down in my Lady genitals parts.   Also without me doing anything,  my body will push out the poop by itself.  I\u2019m serious. Sometimes it\u2019s so bad that I have to just lie down on the floor without wiping.  Sorry TMI.  But it\u2019s that bad.  I\u2019m in so much pain and it\u2019s similar to when my body got shocked from a failed IUD insertion.  My body was shocked and felt like I was going to pass out.  This similar feeling happens also when I am in extreme pain like from a really bad period cramp. Heat stoke. Etc.   somebody said they think it\u2019s when my body is weak from low blood pressure or toxic shock syndrome and I have no clue to what\u2019s wrong with me. Or how to fix it in the moment.  It always starts with a cramp in my stomach like I have to go and then when I do I feel super light headed and feel like passing out.  Sometimes I throw up, most of the times I don\u2019t and just sit on the toilet and my body will expel the waste on its own without me pushing.  Also to note that it\u2019s always in the mornings.   I just really need to know how to fix it because it happens before school and prevents me from my doing life.  Thank you for reading!\n\n\nEDIT: thank you so much for the upvotes and commenting.  Glad I\u2019m not the only one with this pooping  issue.  \ud83d\udca9 I\u2019ve gotten a lot of comments on the diagnosis but not a lot on how to prevent it in the moment.  If anybody has a clue that would be wonderful thanks so much!", "answer": "Valsalva maneuver", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cl1vfq", "comment_id": "evu66yw"}, {"question": "I work at a brewery.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I used to be a full-time brewer. I had to completely leave the industry, but that is just anecdotal.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7nwj8w", "comment_id": "ds54udw"}, {"question": "My client thinks she is god and \"preaches\" the phone book - what condition does she have? *video*", "description": "I made a website for this woman several years ago. Everything seemed normal until I saw the content of her website and the videos she wanted to sell. I finished the website for her anyways because she was very persistent, didn't seem like she was out to scam anyone, and she already gave me a deposit.\n\nWhen I was uploading her video, I saw that it was just her reading the phone book for 2 hours. I contacted her and said \"I think you gave me the wrong video. It's just a video of you reading the phone book for 2 hours.\". She responded (with a smirk) \"yes, that's my message\".\n\nThis is her phone book gospel: https://youtu.be/pF5pGt3DABM The first few minutes is an intro to her divine nature and a lie detector test. At 5:00 you will hear the \"results\" of the lie detector test. At 6:52 she starts reading the phone book. That continues for the next 2 hours until the rest of the video.\n\n...I'm really curious... what mental disorder do you think she has?", "answer": "I am hoping that you do not work in the medical or mental health fields as this post would be extremely unethical (and illegal if you live in the U.S.)\n\nIf you are concerned about her well being, I'd suggest you consult a mental health professional, rather than a semi-anonymous internet forum. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43pssz", "comment_id": "czkltgm"}, {"question": "Me (29M) need help with online dating.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "the key to online dating is this: it only takes one.  and you might talk to hundreds of people before the one. don't sweat it. be yourself. be patient.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pk7ss", "comment_id": "dkq2tjd"}, {"question": "[20/m] Dilemma with my ex (ca21/w), who has cancer and wants me back.", "description": "Dear Reddit,\n\nI need your advice with the following rather unusual problem.\nThe Story starts 2 years ago, when I met a girl online (via Omegle). This being said I am a guy - 20 years old.\nShe was fun and clever and we exchanged emails. Talked quite some time and started to watch movies together online.\nWe made our own chatroom and developed feelings for another. Then she told me that she had cancer...\nThis did not really hinder our journey but i kind of wanted to care for her as best as I could.\n\nWe spend most evenings together. She does not have friends really and I could usually get into our chatroom in time.\nIn this relationship we did not see each other or talked. I tried to get her phonenumer but she refused and she also never told me her surname or siblings names.\nBut then she requested pictures of me and i thought that if I send her some she would return pictures of her.\nTurns out she wanted nudes for the sexting ... and well I did send her some (without my face).\nShe refused to do me the same favor after I asked and was annoyed that i even asked such a question.\nBecause i thought that I might have asked in a rude way I tried to ask again but she ignored me after that for some days.\n(We talked about the few scars she had but they weren't the problem as she assured me. But why she was mad for asking was never clear up).\nAfter some time sexting got rare (due to her illness) and she didn't want to do it if I did not send something.\nRemember we hadn't seen each other face yet after more than a year of this relationship, because we \u201cagreed\u201d that it was a pure relationship without any kind of Superficialities.\nWell she then found pictures of me online because she knew my surname and that I am an active sportsman.\nI was okay with that but she still did not want to tell me her surname or return pictures of her face.\n\nShe told me that she wanted to marry me some day if god would let her survive cancer.\nAfter nearly a year I asked her if she wanted to meet up sometimes. And I asked again and again,\nBut she always told me that she was so busy with her treatment and that she would not explain us to her parents.\nNot even a single day was possible but I accepted this.\n\nTo make things a bit quicker: I know what kind of job she has but not where, I know what her father is working but not where, i know the city she is living in but that's it.\nShe in return knows everything about me and i then wanted to know more about her, I was interested but didn't want to scare her, still I tried to ask every then and now.\n\nBut our relationship began to totter and after 6 months ago she broke up with me, because i asked too much and because I called her mysterious.\nShe told me that she did not have any feelings of love and wanted us to never contact each other. No Friendship.\n\nAfter some time I found a new girlfriend (unexpectedly) and fell in love.\n\nThen my Girlfriend contacted me and asked if I wanted to let her die alone and that it kills her that I broke up with her.\nI told her that I got a new girlfriend and that she did want to end the friendship whereas she responded, that back then she \u201cdid not want friendship but a relationship between us\u201d (her words).\nNaturally I told her that we can't be together because of my new girlfriend. She was astonished that I could forget her this quickly.\nShe told me that a life without me would be a life not worth living and if I did not dump my new gf, she would kill herself (or at least stop treatment).\n\nAfter horrible days of me trying to explain her that still liked her and loved her like you love a really good friend she told me that she stopped treatment and that it was my fault.\nEveryone in her family was sad and her brother (whom she told about me) was disappointed in me.\nShe wanted to kill herself now ... and the only way to stop her was dumping my girlfriend and being her savior - and so I said yes after weeks.\n\nNow she is just praising me to heaves that I am such a marvellous person and stuff ...\nI am meeting her in the chatroom again and try to be a good \u201cboyfriend\u201d but i also let her know that I feel horrible and sad. This she understands but as soon as \u201cwe\u201d are \u201cone\u201d again everything will be fine.\n\nI did not dump my new girlfriend but also did not tell her about this. We are in a happy (part time long distance-)relationship and I am chatting with her nearly every evening but during that time i also have to spend time with my ex in the other chatroom.\n\nMy dilemma is that I don't want to ruin my current relationship since it is healthy but I can't live a lie in a hidden \u201crelationship\u201d with my ex and i surely don't want her to kill herself because of me.\n\nI really need your advice how to manage this situation and thanks a ton for reading!!\n\nPS: I dont know the exact age of my ex, since she hates her birthday. Also she has serious cancer and if she hadn't agreed on the treatement she told me that she had 0.5 years left to live.\n\n(I will edit this text and maybe write a bit more clearly but i am busy right now and hope this can explain most of it)", "answer": "You have a right to your current relationship.  No one MAKES you suicide. I hope she doesn't, but it's not your responsibility at all if she does.\nYou've reached out to her as a caring friend, which is all anyone can do. I hope she gets better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8odm", "comment_id": "ddl115j"}, {"question": "What happened to being able to tell your doctors the truth?", "description": "It literally gets me no where and the only time I get treated is when I lie..I don't like doing that. \n\nFor example. One 'Psychiatrist' I saw I was honest about one of my meds, Ativan, that have taken for years. Naturally I have a tolerance. I told him I take two of the one milligrams to function. He said \" so you are taking more then I told you too?\"\n\nMe \" I guess I am\" \n\nHim\" well I am going to have to ask you to leave my practice\"\n\nI just said ok no problem' but I'm thinking to myself..like damn I can't even tell a shrink the truth? How am I evef going to be treated or get therapy if I can't be honest?? This isn't the only time just one spec example.", "answer": "Whilst I agree that it's not good to take more of anything than recommended, I am a strong proponent of NOT discharging anyone because of it. I mean, what's the point of that? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7f0n6k", "comment_id": "dq8xmkq"}, {"question": "I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I have conflict with people.", "description": "I'm a shy, polite, sensitive 23 year old woman. I never want to upset anyone. Almost always willing to offer second chances. I feel like all this makes me a pushover.\n\nWhenever I get into an argument with someone, rather than stand my ground or get mad at *them* for being rude, I immediately apologize. I say that I misunderstood the situation, I'm sorry I did/said that, I really care about them. I also tend to become really emotional and will be as nice as possible out of fear that the other person (if I know them) won't want to be my friend or SO anymore.\n\nGrowing up, in fights with my parents I learned that arguing doesn't get me anywhere so I would just stop talking and for some reason *that's* what got to them. Now in a lot of arguments with other people I get so frustrated that I just give up and don't say anything. \n\nWith 90% of people, all this does is make them more angry with me. It's like the fact that I don't stand up for myself makes them lose all respect for me or not even care about me anymore. It hurts that others aren't as understanding with me. I think I just come across as fake or something when I act too nice, but it's not like that.\n\nWhat can I do in future arguments that will make people respect me more?", "answer": "Ask yourself - did I do something that is wrong? If not, you don't need to apologize.\n\nIt's not wrong to state your opinion. It might be wrong to be rude about it, but simply saying \"I think this\" or \"That's not true\" is not rude. \n\nIn matters of opinion, emphasize that YOUR view is this, even if others may differ. In matters of fact, you simply need to state that fact (if it was challenged).", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d3chjx", "comment_id": "f01xgu5"}, {"question": "Emailing my husband's therapist", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "So many things not quite right in this. First your therapist should not have made that suggestion. Second his T shouldn\u2019t have even acknowledged that he was even a client let alone send an email CCing your hubby. The marriage therapist is supposed to be seeing things from both sides as the couple is the client (so they might not take sides). But if there is sexual assault there\u2019s a clear side for that and the therapist should be holding space for both of you yet holding your hubby accountable for this as it is NOT ok for this to be happening. In my mind sexual assault is along the same level as physical domestic violence and there\u2019s even some question of how ethical it is for the T to even see you still if that is still happening. If I had one of my couples clients tell me there was sexual assault that would be a huge thing I would be working with them on and giving them the talk about the legality of what he is doing not to mention the emotional ramifications it has on you and your relationship.  Your husband could legally be charged for sexual assault just as he could if he was beating you. All of this sounds awful and I\u2019m sorry the Ts you have aren\u2019t doing what they need to be for either of you. Get a new couples therapist if you want to still try and make it a number one priority for the sexual assault to STOP or get tf out. I\u2019m sorry you\u2019re going through this. I really hope you are able to figure out what is best for you both.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f3s2xg", "comment_id": "fhmtid2"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine and Antihistamine Eye Drops", "description": "Is it safe to use antihistamine eye drops (in this case, Alaway) while taking Lamotrigine? For the life of me, I can\u2019t seem to find any information on this.\n\n37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. There have been no symptoms. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia. I\u2019m currently taking 75mg of Lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of Propranolol as needed. I don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked.\n", "answer": "That's the kind of question that's better to get through whoever's prescribing. There's no interaction with common oral antihistamines, and I can't think of why there would be one with eye drops, but I've never had it come up!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m9zmk", "comment_id": "e7d4ez1"}, {"question": "Is it normal to miss your old town and high school friends?", "description": "I've heard you're supposed to forget about your high school friends within a couple months of going off to college. I'm only a state over, but there's still a thousand miles between my and my old town. \n\nI don't know how people do that. Like, I grew up in a really small town. I had built a decent reputation for myself and made a lot of connections. I had known most of my friends  for 12 years, some much longer. There were 35 in my class. We still talk on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. \n\nHere, I am completely starting over. I know nobody here. Granted, it doesn't seem like I'm alone in that, but most people kind of seem to hate where they lived. \n\nBut it's not like I ever wanted to stay. I still wanted to do something different. And I should say I absolutely despised the town for awhile, and then realized I was an arrogant teenage prick and just hated the state and actually really liked most of the people in town. \n\nIs this normal? \n\n", "answer": "Very normal! Missing people and places you've spent years connecting to. You can always move back, but also give it a chance where you're at too. In order to have people/places to miss you have to spend time with them like you did in your hometown. If you ever go elsewhere you might miss where you're at now in a similar way. It will also be interesting to go back and realize how other people have changed. Mourn what you lost and know that while you can go back you are saying goodbye to a time and place in your life that will never be exactly the same again. It's hard to adjust but you will! I didn't even like my hometown and missed it weirdly from time to time. It's just something that happens and shows that you spent some meaningful time with others. Good luck!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72xz96", "comment_id": "dnm5gcn"}, {"question": "Does anyone want to be friends?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I sent a few private messages to people on here and made a connection with one person. I think it's been helpful! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6kwqm8", "comment_id": "djq5c9e"}, {"question": "Getting tested", "description": "Hey, i\u2019m Pretty sure i\u2019ve got add or adhd. Both my siblings have been tested, one has been diagnosed with ADD and the other quit going to the therapist because they realized they wouldt be able to smoke weed while on medication. We\u2019ve all had issues with smoking. \nI really want to get tested. The problem is that i\u2019m terrified of therapists. I feel like they see right through me AND that I\u2019m decieving them at the same time. I\u2019m such a dual person that I can\u2019t talk to a therapist comfortably. I don\u2019t wanna fake a diagnosis or sway the therapists opinions. I don\u2019t do it on purpose. Should i try anyway?", "answer": "Hey, I\u2019m a therapist, and if it helps to know, most of us are doing the job because we legit want to help. There are such a variety of people who are in the field, so try thinking about what type of person you could feel most comfortable with? Is that an older person or maybe someone who\u2019s a bit younger? A man or a woman? Think about a few basics like that and then try searching psychologytoday.com. Therapists listed there write their own profiles, so you can read through some and see who you get a good vibe from. Don\u2019t be afraid to \u201cshop\u201d therapists and go to intake appts with a few before choosing one. The number one predictor of successful therapy is that the relationship is a good fit for you, so it\u2019s really important. When talking with therapists for the first time, let them know you have a difficult time with it and why. I love when new clients tell me \u201chey, I hate talking to therapists\u201d because I can then figure out why and do what I need to do to help that specific person feel as comfortable as possible, to what extent I can. \n\nI think you should totally go. Therapy is one of the weirdest relationships you can have with another person - you\u2019re spilling everything to a total stranger - so it\u2019s bound to be uncomfortable at first. But I can tell you as someone who sits both in the chair and on the couch that it gets easier and can be really helpful and rewarding. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xa9pu", "comment_id": "e9qxojx"}, {"question": "Rants from the heart", "description": "I was diagnosed as a kid.\nIt was weird being the 'different one', skipping history so I could go to the learning resource center and work on homework with a teachers aid because I was deemed slow. \nI'm an adult now. \nI'm going to get medication again because it's the right thing to do in my situation. I'm nervous but I believe deep inside, it'll change things for the better. \nIt's because of this subreddit I don't feel so alone, and let me get this out. so thank you.", "answer": "Thank you for sharing you thoughts. I was also diagnosed as a kid and was the \"different one\". Changing medication can definitely feel a little scary and I commend you on your positive outlook. New meds wont necessarily change everything over night but you are setting yourself up with the right foundation. Just remember to take each day as it comes. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60lmn8", "comment_id": "df81xx9"}, {"question": "Has Anyone Been Prescribed Cabergoline?", "description": "I've been dealing with PCOS unsuccessfully since I was a teen and I'm now in my late 30's. My doctor appointment yesterday went like this:\nHe said \"let's try this\" and I said \"Tried it, didn't work\" and he said \"what about this?\" and I said \"Tried it, didn't work\".\nNothing works and all the medicines just make me puke and miserable all the time.\nI said I'm not doing anything that has bad side effects anymore.\nSo he put me on something to raise my dopamine levels in hopes it decreases my testosterone.\nI said \"it's probably not going to work\" and he said \"No, it's a shot in the dark. But, if it DOES work I will be writing the first ever case study about you!\"\nhe says that every time :( :( :( \nAnyone have results with this?", "answer": "I was put on cabergoline for a prolactinoma (benign tumor in the pituitary gland) which caused similar symptoms to pcos. And, though it's completely unfounded, I kind of have this feeling that they somehow have something to do with one another. But I'm no doctor.  :P.  But the medicine didn't really affect me too much at all (though I tend to not be too sensitive to any meds in general), and definitely helped get all my hormone levels back on a better track due to its effects on the tumor. Good luck!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4mcqyq", "comment_id": "d3urfkd"}, {"question": "I (27/M) feel like my wonderful marriage (wife 26/F) is constantly on the rocks.", "description": "My wife is an amazing woman, and I love her dearly, but I feel like I'm constantly angering and upsetting her without meaning to. She's very intelligent and has an amazing knack for remembering numbers, details, and information without ever writing anything down.\n\nUnfortunately, my lack of ability in remembering all of those details feels like it's driving a wedge between us. I'm constantly forgetting things (frequently things that I would have sworn that I never knew), little things, but things that often seem huge to her that end up in her being hurt/frustrated/angry while I'm desperately trying to understand what I did and why it matters.\n\nThe biggest thing that sucks is that I don't see these things as a big deal, and I often don't grasp that they are super important until it's already a problem. I feel like I wouldn't even blink if the tables were reversed. Like, \"Oh, she forgot. Big deal /s. Maybe I'll tease her about it. No biggie.\" As a result, I never get upset about things that she does, and she's convinced that I am the cause of all the problems in our marriage (and she has said as much in anger).\n\nI love her so much and I want to make her happy. Are there any resources or anything that can help people in my position? Does anyone have any advice for me? I absolutely don't want to dismiss or belittle anything she says, so with that in mind, the fate of my marriage may well hang on my ability to change and adapt.", "answer": "go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ccfk2", "comment_id": "dhto8ml"}, {"question": "[M18] My girlfriend [F18] wants me to crossdress, why?", "description": "So I am currently in a relation with this girl, we have been dating for like 3 months and been in an actual relationship for one month (very fresh relationship).\n\nHer family situation is weird and she has family all over the country, therefor she travels alot between the cities. Especially now during the holidays so I haven't seen her that much. So far we have had sex only once because of her being absent alot lately. \n\nEither way, we were discussing what we should do when we meet eachother this saturday and she came up with a very weird proposal.\n\nShe began asking if I could spend the whole day with her, I said yes. So far so good. She then asked if I was down to do whatever she wanted, I said maybe. She then said that she wants me to dress in womens clothing for her. This made me a bit uncomfortable for a few different reasons. We are still meeting up this Saturday though, but no crossdressing.\n\nWhy would she want me to do something like this? Is it some type of fetish? Why would she want me to portray myself as feminine? I really don't know what to think. I'm an open-minded guy and I have done all sorts of things with previous girlfriends but never something that defies my masculinity in the bedroom. \n\nPlease give me some perspective on this, personally I just find crossdressing infront of my girl to be embarassing.", "answer": "it's an odd request. i would see what other ideas are in her head too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5maygt", "comment_id": "dc26ecd"}, {"question": "Adjustment Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder", "description": "I have been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder about 6 months ago, and have been searching for info occasionally since because I want to help myself get better. The doctors are claiming that it 'all kicked off' after a sudden family death and a huge upheaval in my family life in the space of 4 days, which is true but that isn't when it all started. That was just the point I though 'shit, I need help'.\n\nAnyway, out of the few bits and bobs I have read I'm finding some similarities between Adjustment Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Such as the reckless behviour/impulsivity, chronic feelings of emptiness, and self destructiveness. I also know it has been said that a diagnosis of an Adjustment Disorder is often given as a placeholder when doctors/psychiatrists don't want to diagnose anything specific.\n\nI wondered if anyone with a bit more experience around mental health disorders knows of any actual connections between the 2 disorders (such as in the DSMV-5) or whether I am just imagining and drawing lines between 2 unrelated things. But as I said above I have only read a few things and could be completely wrong. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nAdjustment Disorder and BPD are two wildly different things. There may some small overlap in symptoms, but their presentation is vastly different.\n\nIn the DSM-5, Adjustment Disorder is under the umbrella of Trauma disorders, and relates to a specific trigger within a period of more than 1 month but less than 6 months, and consists of symptoms related to anxiety and a small trauma response. There may be some other symptoms associated (that's what the qualifiers are for) but that is the base. Generally, functioning is mildly to moderately impaired (work, school, ADLs, socializing, etc.). Adjustment Disorder tends to have more in common with something like PTSD (diagnosed after 6 months of trauma symptoms).\n\nBPD has shown to have some co-morbidity with PTSD, which may find some drawing connections between that and Adjustment Disorder, but it is a personality disorder with chronic, persistent behaviors, thought processes, and underlying beliefs that make up it's presentation. One at times might say that presentation of BPD can be indirectly caused by a trauma disorder, but Adjustment Disorder does not persist long enough nor is it typically severe enough to cause changes in personality on its own.\n\nMental health professionals may diagnose Adjustment Disorder in order to lessen stigma associated with more major diagnoses, and sometimes it fits better than the more vague ones. Also, if using insurance, companies will cover Adjustment Disorder more than they will cover the vague depression and anxiety disorder diags. So it also does increase access to care. There are definitely legitimate presentations of Adjustment Disorder, though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiysic", "comment_id": "fcucaom"}, {"question": "Brothers paranoia is at a new level", "description": "Hello /r/askatherapist community,\n\n​\n\nSorry for using a throwaway account, but I would like to try to stay anonymous.\n\n​\n\nMy brother, who lives in Florida, has often shown interest in weird conspiracy theories like Chemtrails, Sungazing, and as of recently he's started denying that Corona and George Floyd are real. He can talk literally for hours about these things in great detail and is completely serious. He's had a very stressful life for the past 10+ years and I think it's making his mental health even worse. I don't live nearby and I don't know what I can do. I started researching mental health options near him, but I know that he cannot afford it, probably doesn't have insurance, and would deny that anything is wrong. More details:\n\n​\n\n1. He has children, and is a very good and dedicated father, but lives alone and works too much\n2. He has a history of alcohol abuse\n3. I do not believe he is currently a danger to himself or his children\n4. My family has tried to get him to move closer to where they live, but he has refused\n5. He is consistently making very bad decisions, like living way beyond his means while in lots of debt and spending even more money\n6. He is able to \"control the crazy\", by which I mean he doesn't talk about it to certain people, but with family he can and has talked for hours about absolute nonsense... the whole family agrees that he's \"losing it\" and needs professional help, but we don't know what to do\n\n​\n\nPlease help!", "answer": "Does he have a primary care doctor, that you\u2019re aware of? Sometimes alerting a PCP of concerning behaviors can be a good place to start. They can provide follow-up evaluations and recommendations, and most are good about being sensitive and discrete.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hg80u5", "comment_id": "fw2zklb"}, {"question": "Psychiatrist told me to stop using weed due to psychosis but I worry about underlying problems", "description": "I've been using weed for about a year now every couple weeks, with consistent dosage and strain (edibles), but for some reason I have been getting worse lately. I have been becoming increasingly more paranoid, have more auditory hallucinations, and am having delusions while high. I kind of thought this was normal for the \"high experience\" but now I'm not so sure. When I'm sober I have these symptoms sometimes, but they usually aren't strong enough for me to act on or believe in them. Recently, they've been getting stronger. I talked to my psychiatrist about it because last time I got high I believed I was dead. I don't want to get into detail because it is really distressing. I believed this for about a day, but it keeps coming up while sober.\n\nMy psychiatrist told me to stop using weed, which was a shock to me for some reason. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, I thought he would tell me to use less or to switch strains or something. I've spoken to doctors about psychosis before (before I started using weed), but they never really took it seriously because I had enough insight to know things were not true/real.\n\nHe mentioned that because of my family history I could have a vulnerability to psychosis. I'm on antipsychotics (3+ years), but I thought these were just for my treatment-resistant depression. I haven't been diagnosed with anything related to psychosis (to my knowledge), but now I'm really worried. Is the weed the cause of all these troubles, or do I have an underlying problem that weed exacerbates? Does anybody else have similar experiences?\n\nedit// spelling", "answer": "Quit the weed. THC can be psychotogenic. You need to figure out if your symptoms are related to THC or to some underlying illness. \n\nModern weed bears little resemblance to weed in the 60s-70s. It is very strong and can have very negative psychiatric effects.\n\nCBD, on the other hand, MIGHT be beneficial for a number of conditions. We need more studies, more evidence.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "coqqk7", "comment_id": "ewkthme"}, {"question": "Worried about taking to a text hotline", "description": "Hi, I\u2019ve been thinking about texting one of those text lines that are meant to help people who are going through different things (depression, anxiety, stress, etc.). However, I\u2019m afraid that they\u2019ll ask deeply personal questions and they may call the cops because I\u2019ve heard of stories like that. Should Inot worry about this and have you guys had experience with these text lines?\n\nAlso, feel free to mention any specific ones that you really liked because I\u2019m still searching.\n\nThank you.\n\nEdit: I meant \u201ctalking\u201d in the title", "answer": "Hello! I work on the Suicide Lifeline sometimes.\n\nAt the very least they will ask about suicidal thoughts. You can choose to be honest or not; we have no way of vetting that. You can also deny giving any locational information if you want to. The only thing they likely have access to is your phone number.\n\nThey may also ask if you would like assistance sent out to you, which you can also decline. At least when taking calls, we try to get you into as safe a place as possible. Calls we usually only make to the police if the caller is okay with it, asks for it, or is mid attempt and needs emergency help right then.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f3axhd", "comment_id": "fhhjej7"}, {"question": "13 weeks pregnant on medications Cymbalta Vyvanse and Xanax as needed for severe ptsd depression and anxiety", "description": "39 yo female\n5\u20195\n160 pounds\nCurrent meds:\nCymbalta 60mg\nVyvanse 70mg\nXanax 1mg as needed for panic and anxiety\n\nSevere ptsd/ trauma and sexual abuse by stepfather at 4-16 years old\n\nSevere depressive disorder and severe anxiety\n\nI am currently 13 weeks pregnant and stable on my medications. I am seeing an obgyn maternal medicine specialist and psychiatrist and therapist. I am choosing to continue my medications throughout my pregnancy as the benefits outweigh risks. I am looking for any guidance or advice on this subject as I am aware of the category of each med \u201cc\u201d \nI am afraid to go off of these medications as this is the most therapeutic regime I have been on and have been able to feel normal and live a non-debilitating life.", "answer": "[MotherToBaby](https://mothertobaby.org) is a great resource for these kinds of questions if you want to do some looking on your own. As always, discussion with the doctors you have is very important.\n\nCymbalta is low risk, and the risk of untreated depression and anxiety usually outweighs the potential but tiny risks.\n\nVyvanse has little data. If you can avoid taking it for a time just before delivery, that may be safer, but there isn't much to show risk when it's taken at prescribed doses. The risk is higher at doses that are abused recreationally.\n\nSimilarly, if you can avoid taking Xanax for a few weeks before delivery, there's less theoretical risk of your baby going through withdrawal.\n\nIn general, when you have serious mental health problems that can threaten your wellbeing, which in turn threatens your baby's wellbeing, sticking with effective treatment is most often the best option. I hope that your team has had the same conversation with you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "glfmzv", "comment_id": "frd2nv3"}, {"question": "Husband has become extremely forgetful and zoned out", "description": "Age: 31\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 5 foot 8 inches\n\nWeight: 260lbs\n\nRace: Caucasian\n\nDuration of complaint: 2-3 weeks, progressively getting worse\n\nLocation: NW Ohio\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Anxiety and acid reflux\n\nCurrent medications: unsure of names, but one for anxiety and one for heartburn\n\nInclude a photo if relevant: N/A \n\nHello,\nMy husband used to be super attentive and on top of his shit, part of why I married him! These past 2-3 weeks he has changed drastically. He is super forgetful now. He paced the aisles at the store a few times yesterday and I asked what he was looking for so I could help find it, and he said he didn't remember. He forgot an ingredient in a recipe he makes regularly. he forgot his hardhat for work today, and its the same job he's worked for over 5 years and never forgot before.\nI told him I was concerned and wanted him to go to the doctor, but he immediately became defensive saying he was fine and that work would put him off for two weeks with no pay and no unemployment just for going to the doctor. I myself have a Master's degree in Human Resources and told him that was not legal for the company to do....then his coworker texted me today and verified it was false.\nHis coworker also said that he hasn't been right at work and his work performance is slipping badly. He did a task today that normally takes him 30 minutes and it took him over 4 hours today to complete.\nAside from the forgetfulness, he is never fully aware anymore. I will sit next to him and talk and he will not hear me. he will listen at first sometimes and then zone out so badly that I will stop mid sentence to see if he is listening and he never notices if I've stopped.\nI was cleaning and had a wooden log fall on me within 3 feet from where he was sitting, and I yelled. he didn't hear the log fall or me yell.\nHe has stopped doing housework and gets mad when I don't do it all for him, which used to never be the case. we were always an excellent team and split the housework well.\nHe has not changed any medicines in over a year, and no other major changes have happened.\nAny ideas on what is going on?? His coworker is concerned it is a tumor pushing on his brain, and I worry that it might be early Alzheimers or something...", "answer": "Red flags are present for neurological, psychiatric or toxicological issues. Urgent referral even if he doesn't want to.\n\nEdit: involve family if he doesn't cooperate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j1ilar", "comment_id": "g6zm4ri"}, {"question": "Would my doctor have known?", "description": "I saw a neurologist - muscular specialist 3 months ago due to twitching. He tested all strength and reflexes and physically examine my body. \n\nDid not suspect anything at all. Did not order an EMG or a follow up. \n\nHand seems off... But, based on this do I need to go back? \n\nHe would\u2019ve detected anything wrong then? \n\n fearing ALS... \n\nMale, 23yo 185lbs, 6\u201901\u201d", "answer": "You have posted variations on this same question too many times. Please stop asking the same question. We have nothing new to say.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c4tlwb", "comment_id": "erycq1m"}, {"question": "GF[34/F] who cheated on me [34/M] and got engaged with another man came back", "description": "My GF[34/F] who lives in Europe cheated on me [34/M/US] and lied about it, despite the fact that I have asked her to be honest about the fact that she might find someone else. All she needed to do is to tell me that she found someone else. Instead, she told me that she wants to put relationship on hold, when I demanded an explanation, she sent me a picture of another man's head resting on her lap and long email how terrible I am, and how good is another man. Apparently, she was dating him for several months now and only announced then, because she wanted \"to make sure he is right man.\" She told me that she is planning to take out IUD and have kids with this man, and when she is planning to do it in next 6 months, and on top of that, she will name a dog she want's to buy, with the name of the child we were planning to have.\nThrough several months we exchanged angry emails, and finally on day of our anniversary on Feb.23rd (several months after events started to unfold), she emailed me a pic of wedding band and pic of her and her new man somewhere in Paris, giving me much crap, and how terrible I was and promised never to write to me again. When asked why she is showing me all this, she said that this is her way of stopping this angry email exchange. \nFast forward, to last week. She sent me a message through Facebook, that he engaged collapsed(it lasted 6 months), because new man didn't want to have her 11 year old son(\"he is unable to share me with my child\") and guy is terrible egoist, despite the fact, that he wanted to have kids and he is no longer a \"suitable\" partner. I have talked to her about few things, and so far, she is not apologetic. \nWhat should I tell her ? I still have feeling for her... \n(I feel like, I am dealing with mentally ill or mentally unstable person.)", "answer": "You'd be taking a huge risk of course. If you still want to be with her, insist she go to counseling with you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9qb1", "comment_id": "dkfnvmk"}, {"question": "Interview help! Please? ", "description": "I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm really tired of messing up interviews with my shitty social skills. Does anyone have any tips/hints/lifehacks?", "answer": "The last thing I think before going into an interview is \"you can only do your best, you can only be yourself.  For better or for worse, it will all be over with soon.  So don't worry, just go in there, and be yourself.\"\n\nhope that helps...\n\nbohowannabe's advice is solid too", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "vnqoc", "comment_id": "c562gwt"}, {"question": "is socializing even that fun?", "description": "For a long time I have wished for more friends and be invited to events. But almost every time I actually get invited to something, I go, and I do not enjoy it very much. It is okay, but I start longing for time alone to spend with my hobbies. I find this strange, as I normally feel like friends is the one thing I miss in my life. I have considered that maybe I just have not clicked enough with anybody yet. Because I have a boyfriend, and I absolutely love spending time with him, even after a year together. I mean there must be a reason I love socializing with him but not other people. I guess it could be that with him, (and my family) I feel 100% relaxed and myself. Achieving that level of comfortableness with friends just seems difficult, maybe it is often required that you are childhood friends.\n\nThis also makes me realize the importance of actually making friends that are *good* for you. And to create relationships by being yourself. As a friendless person, I think it is easy to think that anyone will be good enough, if you just get one or a few friends, it would be amazing. But what if you do not feel you can be yourself around them? Then socializing will only drag you down mentally.\n\nSo basically I think that even if you have few friends, it is equally important for you to be picky as far as relationships goes. Do you agree? it is better to have no friends than friends with whom you do not feel comfortable?", "answer": "Being picky as far as relationships go all depends on how much time/energy you have and are willing to give to your relationships.  There's no right or wrong answer.  \n\n\nI don't think it's healthy or productive to complain about the lack of relationships but also be extremely picky or closed off to fostering new relationships.  \n\n\nHaving no friends vs having friends you feel uncomfortable with?  This is tricky.  I think it's important to differentiate between friends and friendly acquaintances.  Nobody generally starts out with a deep emotional connection and level of comfort with someone when they just start hanging out.  There is always going to be some level of discomfort when spending time with newer acquaintances.  If you shy away from many of these types of interactions due to not feeling comfortable, you're passing up the opportunity to have these relationships turn into comfortable friendships over time.  \n\n\nIf you're putting a wall up and waiting for people to come along who you will instantly feel completely comfortable with and feel the same type of bond you had with friends growing up or people you have known for a very long time, you'll be waiting by yourself forever.      ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9aza8r", "comment_id": "e4zo9f9"}, {"question": "My Gynecologist makes me come in to see him every 3 months, is this normal for a healthy 24 y/o or should I switch doctors?", "description": "My gynecologist has me come in every 3 months to see him, one time just to ask for a birth control refill (I get a 90 day pack) where I don't even get an exam, and the second time for the actual check up 3 months after the refill appointment. I'm 24 and healthy and have been told by family and friends that the amount my doctor is asking me to see him is abnormal for my age. Is the frequency of appointments related to my birth control prescription, my insurance, doctor preference? \n\nI live in Ohio so not sure if that would affect the reasoning behind the frequency of visits, but is this normal??", "answer": "That\u2019s ridiculous!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bg4dnj", "comment_id": "elj388e"}, {"question": "How do therapists treat avoidant attachment?", "description": "I guess there are as many approaches as therapists (and clients!), but I want to gain a broad sense of how a therapist might treat avoidance / avoidant attachment that is contributing to a client\u2019s struggles.\n\nIt\u2019s easier for me to imagine that a therapist might use the relationship between them and the client to teach boundaries and model healthy attachments for a client who has trouble with, say, anxious attachment. I could be wrong or way off base, but in the case of avoidance it seems like therapists would not tend to use the relationship to teach avoidant clients to ask for more from them or depend more on them. So I\u2019m just wondering lately what therapists would do to help someone who is avoidant become more secure in their attachments.\n\nSort of wondering for myself. Speaking as someone who is very on the avoidant side, boundaries are definitely not an issue. My tendency is not to ask for help or to reach out. It\u2019s partly avoidance, partly just wanting to respect my therapist\u2019s time and personal life, and partly not knowing what I am and am not allowed to do so erring on the side of asking for less. I even recently got coronavirus and recovered in between our-biweekly sessions, and my therapist seemed shocked I didn\u2019t reach out. I told them I almost texted them, and they said, \u201cyou can always do that.\u201d After hearing that, I wish I would have. At the same time, I don\u2019t think my therapist *really* means that; I would be texting them every single day if both of us were truly giving me the permission to reach out whenever I wanted or needed.", "answer": " \n\nShort answer: it\u2019s a lot like working with a skittish animal who has a hard time trusting humans. I try to be really gentle and safe: showing the person that I\u2019m here, I\u2019m not going anywhere, and I\u2019m really really really curious about them. I ask a lot of questions\u2014 trying to draw them into the conversation / relationship. Overtime, my hope is that they experience me as someone who is inviting and safe\u2014 but not pushy or demanding. Someone who wants to know them. Someone who cares and is interested in what\u2019s happening inside of them. \n\nI will eventually start to bring our relationship into the conversation \u2014 letting them know how I am impacted in our relationship. \u201cI notice when you said that, I felt more connected to you. I felt there was a shift in our relationship. Is that something you noticed, or was that just on my side?\u201d I\u2019m trying to tune them into any emotional shifts that they might be experiencing to see if they can feel a difference in the quality of a relationship when it does get more intimate and more vulnerable. To really tall about this vulnerability, what it feels like, how they experience it in their body, if there is any satisfaction in that. \n\nThroughout this, we also talk about how others in relationships might experience them. \u201cI\u2019m sort of feeling like there are parts of you that I\u2019m not quite getting to see. I hear the words, but I\u2019m not necessarily sensing what that *feels* like to you\u2026I\u2019m wondering if your wife/husband might feel that way sometimes too?\u201d I try to use our relationship to test out / give voice to what others might be experiencing in their lives but in a way that is less defensive and more curious: I\u2019m experiencing the connection this way, I wonder what that\u2019s about? Maybe we can kind of look at that together? \n\nMy hope is that they will learn to see me as someone who is safe to try on connection with, to experiment with vulnerability, and to find that wow\u2026it actually feels really soothing and nice to be vulnerable with someone. Then how might we do that in other relationships?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ge05vn", "comment_id": "fpnc2oe"}, {"question": "Friday, 1st September 2017", "description": "A new month, New begging.\nTime for change, Better myself. \n\nI've been given a second chance, I'll take it. \nHead down, Work hard. \n\nFocus on good. \nFocus on myself. \nFocus on reaching my goals. \n\nI can and I will take control of this horrible life. \nI will become a better man, A new man. \n\n", "answer": "Love your motivation.  It's all about momentum!  Put in the work to get things moving, then keep picking up speed!  Good luck and happy September!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6xenf5", "comment_id": "dmfmxds"}, {"question": "Coming off psychiatric medications after being on them for years. What to do?", "description": "In May of 2015, I saw a psychiatrist for treatment for my generalized anxiety disorder symptoms and she prescribed me two medications *fluoxetine* and *lamotrigine*. The medicines helped but I got some nasty side effects like weight gain, sexual dysfunction, gynecomastia, and emotional blunting. In May of 2019, I started my taper off the lamotrigine under my PA's supervision (went to a different psychiatry clinic), and my PA got me off the medication in October. She then tapered me off the fluoxetine and I should be done in a few days.\n\nI have been very hesitant about going on psychiatric medications for years due to the fears of side effects and that if I had an adverse effect on my health, I would have to deal with it and it would be my fault. While tapering off the medications, I encountered a domain called `survivingantidepressants.org` in a DuckDuckGo search. I was looking for an online withdrawal support group and while I did get that, many of the users on that site were very cynical about the safety and efficacy of these psychiatric medications. They also seem to be very wary of what they call the \"mental health system\" or as they call it the \"psychiatric industrial complex\". Some even go as far to refer to \"mental health\" and \"mental illness\" in scare quotes, as if they are saying mental health issues aren't real or made up by the pharmaceutical industry to make money. It's all one scary conspiracy theory.\n\n1. I'm concerned about the possibility of brain damage from prolonged use of these medications. An article on CNN stated that medications like fluoxetine and lamotrigine are associated with brain atrophy with prolonged use. My PCP and psychiatric physician's assistant assured me that I should be fine, that the online media exaggerates side effects for clicks, and not to worry. I've been on these med for about four years. What's your opinion?\n\n2. I encountered some weird information on that `survivingantidepressants.org` website. One info suggested tapering off a psychiatric medication under a 10% dose reduction every month. When I told my PA that, she told me that this doesn't apply to the majority of patients who are tapering. The site also claims of conspiracy theories of the FDA allegedly colluding with pharmaceutical companies in order to bring drugs to market ASAP and bypass safety testing. At first this sounds plausible, but when I heard about the time the FDA prevented the manufacturer of Trintellix from advertising the antidepressant as a medication to improve cognitive function in patients, it made me question the claims made on that layperson withdrawal site. What are your thoughts?\n\n3. My PCP and PA said that everything should go back to the way it was before treatment once I am off the final medication for a few months. Is this good advice. Do I have reason to be concerned? What should I look out for?", "answer": "Psychiatry has an active, amorphous hatedom. Some is disgruntled former patients, with legitimate grievances or not. Some is funded and drive. by Scientology, which as a tenet of faith opposes psychiatry. Very little is science-based. Like anything, you can find fringe views and plain lies as easily as accurate information by blind internet search. \n\n1. There is some reason to be concerned about the long-term effects of some medications. Reporting latched onto antidepressants, but in actuality the risky medications are any that are anticholinergic. That\u2019s a number of old psychiatric medications, but not fluoxetine or lamotrigine, both of which appear safe for long-term use. \n\n2. That\u2019s a site that, like any, mixes information with misinformation. I would take it with a few grains of salt in part because of the bias of who\u2019s there. People who stopped taking medications quickly or even cold turkey and had no issues aren\u2019t thinking about it or discussing it online. Unless there\u2019s a rush there\u2019s no downside to a very slow taper.\n\n3. Yes, everything will probably go back to how this gs were without medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ex85mj", "comment_id": "fg75bcr"}, {"question": "The Life of an Ugly Gay", "description": "Hello world, I just wanted to come here to vent about my life and wallow in my own self pity. If you'd like to join the pity party, you're more than welcome.\n\nI'm openly gay and live in a city with a thriving lgbt community. I've never really been exposed to homophobia or anything and am pretty lucky in that sense. However, I'm not cute. I mean, the people in my life tell me I'm attractive but I feel like that's more politeness than honesty. My two biggest criticisms of myself are that Im overweight and relatively feminine. Although, I have a pretty extensive dating history, but that doesn't matter to me. In my mind, I'm Quasimodo constantly trying to court Esmeralda.  \n\nAfter many failed attempts to lose weight, I turned to cocaine and developed a serious addiction. I could see everyone around me worried about my health, telling me that I'm 'too skinny'. But in the mirror I was still obese and undesirable. I needed more blow, I neededto suppress my appetite, I needed to become beautiful. Instead, I became a monster.\n\nToday, I'm trying to quit hard drugs. My appetite is going haywire as a result and I can literally feel myself swelling up. It's terrifying because the only way I can think to stop it is to  turn back to my old ways. I don't want that, but I also don't want to be a fat femme gay boy forever.", "answer": "You need to see a psychiatrist.  You seem to have a chronic disorder with how you perceive your appearance, and you need to be under the care of a physician as you try to quit those hard drugs and return to a healthier weight.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bd4l9", "comment_id": "d181zbv"}, {"question": "Help interpreting thyroid lab results", "description": "Hi there! I am a 37 (f) 5\u20192, 142lbs, living in Massachusetts. Previous smoker, non-drinker. I recently had a full work up done by my PCP due to a wide variety of sx all revolving around feeling just generally unwell. \n\nOne of the workups done was my thyroid, which I was convinced was the problem, however the results came back as \u201cnormal\u201d. I\u2019ve been reading literature which states there is a difference between \u201cnormal\u201d and \u201coptimal\u201d results. The attached picture shows the normal value range, which I clearly fall into. \n\nI was hoping someone could take a [look](http://imgur.com/JYkGQar) and tell me if my results are in the optimal range, and if not would that indicate hypo or hyper thyroid. Also is there anything else thyroid related that should have been tested but was not. \n\nI appreciate anyone who takes the time to respond. Thank you! \n\n", "answer": "The idea of \"optimal\" endocrinology is largely a product of pseudoscientific para-medicine. That's a normal thyroid panel, and there is no evidence-based reason to do anything with or to your thyroid based on those results.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "905zgf", "comment_id": "e2o014w"}, {"question": "Would a counseling center with an explicitly anti-capitalist slant be legal?", "description": "Since capitalism is a significant factor in the degradation of mental health, I think it would be helpful to have therapy that treats the patient's health in this context. Would it be legal to establish and operate a counseling center along these ideological lines?", "answer": ">Would it be legal to establish and operate a counseling center along these ideological lines?\n\nWhy... would it not be legal? I am not sure I understand the legal element of the concern.\n\nFYI, you may be interested in /r/PsychotherapyLeftists/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hmv2sh", "comment_id": "fxa25wc"}, {"question": "Eye contact", "description": "Just for context, I am an almost middle aged male.  I work in a field that is dominated by men.\n\nA little about me.  I have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  These were diagnosed long ago and I deal with the symptoms pretty well.  I very rarely have anxiety attacks now.\n\nI do have one issue and that's what brings me here.  EYE CONTACT.  I have so much trouble with it.  I understand it's an issue with Asperger's sufferers too.  It is affecting my life very negatively.  Some people feel like they can't trust me.\n\nTwice today, independently of each other, two of my superiors made comments about it.  In the first situation, I was part of a trio.  Me, one supervisor and another employee who is high up in the corporate office.  My supervisor said, \"This is Jerry (me).  He isn't much on eye contact.\" and he chuckled.\n\nIn the second situation, I was having a discussion with another supervisor and he said, \"What are you looking at over there?  The conversation is over here.\"\n\nBoth have made comments before. It's something I am working on but when they say stuff like that, it makes me feel ashamed and I feel myself regressing.  I haven't told them that it's likely caused by my SAD or maybe Asperger's because it's a manly field and that's just something you get over.\n\nWhat do I do?  Do I tell them?", "answer": "I wrote a [quick guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact) to making eye contact -- maybe you'll find it helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2vphba", "comment_id": "cok4ch4"}, {"question": "Homesick", "description": "I'm sitting in a hotel room in Florence. Most people would be thrilled, I'm sure, to be in a place they've dreamed of being in for their whole life.\n\nBut I feel so alone, even though I have 3 roommates. I miss my son, I miss my husband, and I really miss my bed. I miss being home.\n\nI know I'm just feeling homesick, but putting a name to the feeling isn't exactly helping me out. Every time I pass by a small child, or a couple holding hands, I just get this sharp pain and a little moisture in my eye--like I'm two steps from crying.\n\nI've traveled and lived away before, but for some reason this is different for me. I feel so sad. I wish someone would give me a hug and tell me everything is fine; even though I know it I need someone to say it.", "answer": "How long are you away for?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2655yu", "comment_id": "chnvnon"}, {"question": "Why don't mental health professionals take insurance?", "description": "  Why is it that medical professionals take insurance but not mental health professionals? \n\n I don't want to see some random social worker, I want to see someone with a Ph.D. in psychology, who is actually trained and went through therapy themselves.  But they want $260 an hour and don't take insurance. \n\n Who can afford that? Seriously. ", "answer": "Any therapists I've seen in the past have taken my insurance. I live in MA and we are fairly ahead of the curb in terms of mental health though. Where do you live? I'm not used to hearing about mental health professionals not taking insurance. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "70zc1b", "comment_id": "dn74gpb"}, {"question": "Women who talk about how lonely they are and then reject \u2018nice guys\u2019 make me sick", "description": "Stop talking about how lonely you are when you won\u2019t even bother to talk to someone like me and have a normal conversation. If you\u2019re not going to talk to just anyone, you\u2019re not that LONELY then, ARE YOU? Fucking whiny attention seeker.\n\nThis website has made me despise people, mainly females. Fuck everyone. ", "answer": "Maybe you\u2019re not as nice as you think you are.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak8ueg", "comment_id": "ef2myhg"}, {"question": "I just find out i got schizophrenia, a really bad one. dont know what to do.", "description": "Hey guys... Yeah, thats it. I just find out i got schizophrenia...\n\nMy entire life was a lie. Years of constant fighting with myself, thoughts and actions which was just schizophrenia and i thinking was some different personality, not a big deal. \n\nMakes 2 weeks since i find this out. I 'm 20, and for a really long time, i have this difficult in pretty much everything, and its getting worse since when starts. but i never, never looked for a doctor or something. \n\nThen 2 weeks ago i got some balls to go to the psychotherapist, what a surprise. In little words, he told me im pretty fucked up and need a treatment as fast as possible in a closed place (hospitalization - i dont know if this is the right word to use [bad english], but its like stay in a place for crazy people if u get me). In first though i didnt believe him, and just ignored, then 2 days later i went into another one, and another one.... same result in all of it.\n\nFor now im trying to understand this is not real, that person which i talk and shit its not actually real, neither my thoughts and my way of thinking in this world, its all pretty messed up, i dont know if has someone out there with that, but if you read about schizophrenia, you gonna understand.\n\nThe thing is, i really dont know what to do, they told me, my case its really serious and really need a decent treatment fast or else this can get worse, and then i will never be the same, just a crazy fuck with a pretty messed up mind, its the end of the line. I dont want take pills, i dont want get hospitalized, i dont want to lose my life to that... its a shitty life, but at least i have some freedom.. \n\ni was thinking in some natural treatment, i dont know if has something i could do, but i really dont want to go in that way, getting hospitalized and filling my ass with a lot of pills and those things which makes you messed up, and here in my country, only expansive places take care of you decently, other ones just dont give a shit, they mistreat, its not cool.\n\nAnyone knows about that, except my kind of GF (we kind broke up, but we still talk to each other), and she told me i really need to do that, its like having a cancer and dont want to make the chemo.. \n\nI really dont know what to do, i already lost the desire for pretty much everything, but i still feel something in music for instance, and in the nature too.. i dont want to lose that, i dont want to become a freaking messed up walking mind.. \n\nAnyone who have this or knows someone with schizophrenia could help me out, im kind scared of trying to make a decision by a doctor, the last one almost lock me up after make the conclusion of schizophrenia..\nI need a light.", "answer": "I'm a therapist and I work in a psychiatric hospital. Please feel free to ask me any questions and I'll do best to answer them and help you out.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ykpn5", "comment_id": "c5wrxlg"}, {"question": "This weekend was incredibly difficult. (Rant)", "description": "I still haven't had anything since my accident, and I don't plan to. But the toll that this whole situation is taking on me is becoming unbearable. My family pretty much knows I'm an alcoholic now and my mom is up my ass about it all the time. It sucks because I'm 28, but I really don't have anything to stand on right now. I can't stand up to her. I am the weak one, the one who hurt the family in my actions.\n\nI keep looking up the penalties for a second DUI in my state and I'm becoming more terrified every webpage I go to. I go to court next week and it'll be continued because I need an attorney and the trial won't start until they get my blood back from my state's labs, but I blew a .12 and that was laying down on a hospital bed. Who knows if the blood will show a higher alcohol percentage. I could end up going to jail for up to 100 days. I won't be able to drive for at least two years (6 mos. to 1 year for the blood to come back, then 1 year suspended license), and even then I'll have to get another car and have the interlock in there for three years. But really the interlock is the least of my worries. I could care less about the interlock, I know how they work, did that shit before. \n\nBut how do I come back from this? I have no job, no car, the degree I just graduated college with last month is pretty much useless now, my few friends are abandoning me, my family treats me like shit because of this, and my depression is getting worse and worse by the day. I frequently think about ending it all. It's the first I think of when waking up, the last thing I think about going to bed. I have the means to do it. The only thing keeping me sane is thinking maybe by the time I'm 35, if I live that long, this will all be behind me. But even then I still won't have anything to call my own. I want to have a normal life, you know, wife, kids, house, good job. But that just doesn't seem like it'll ever happen lately. Nobody would want to be with someone like me, no car, no home to call his own, no job, 28 and no plan for the future. I'm so ashamed of myself. ", "answer": "Looking to the future and planning and expecting will do you no good. Live today and continue making the right choices and things will turn out better than you expect.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hg118", "comment_id": "caubjrv"}, {"question": "Looking for some friendly support or someone who can relate to my [24F] 10 year relationship with my [25M] boyfriend.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Embarrassment is a normal, human reaction to mistakes we made in the past. That emotion you feel about it has a purpose.. The purpose is to remind you of how far you've come, the lessons you've learned. How lucky you are to be in such a good relationship now! Take the time to be thankful and express your joy that you have something so good going on in your life. Use that feeling to remind you of the good things. Don't dwell so much on the bad. Only use the past to build up what's happening in the present. \n\nJust because you have a strong emotional reaction to it doesn't mean there's a problem *right now.* All you need is a bit of time for the icky feeling to pass. Take a deep breath, and just wait. Sit with the feeling until it goes away, understand that it is normal and temporary, and allow it to pass.\n\nif the feeling is truly unbearable, meditate, do some breathing exercises, or do another mindful activity while it takes its course. But otherwise I don't see much need to take any other action on it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "e7l4ox", "comment_id": "fa0s0c7"}, {"question": "Brother is alcoholic looking for advice", "description": "Hi there, \n\nLike the title says, I'm looking for advice about my older brother who has issues with alcohol. He has been to rehab recently for the first time and for the past couple years has been living at home. He was engaged and had a job as a programmer before, but now is just going through the days with interaction with family and not much else other than the computer. \n\nI've talked a lot with him and he says that everything is just so boring without the influence of alcohol or drugs like Adderall. Anytime somebody suggests something for him to get involved in or alleviate boredom, he pushes the notion of to the side. \n\nWhat can I do to help \n\nThank you", "answer": "If suggestions we're what he needs, he'd be better. \n\nWork on why he can't follow through with the suggestions. Also I like noon decisional activity, like just looking for things that he may like or finding things he definitely doesn't like", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y5d39", "comment_id": "cyaoivh"}, {"question": "My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I need advice on how to help her", "description": "My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I are struggling with it. Obviously it isn't about us and I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [Right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](https://imgur.com/a/EmVTxHF) When she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. Does anyone have any advice from your own experience? We don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. She\u2019s so lucky to have you. Just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does CBIT or HRT to address tics. \nhttp://tourette.org/media/Full-Provider-Tool-Kit-rev.pdf", "topic": "Tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "g4in5l9"}, {"question": "Should I Reach Out?", "description": "Hi! Ethics-related Q.\n\nSituation: I saw a therapist for a few months. She was wonderful. She went on leave for a period of time and then, as a result of COVID-19, shut down her practice temporarily. As such, my treatment was abruptly discontinued after waiting out the leave period. Her online profiles began to show that she wasn't taking appointments.\n\nI was bummed, but she sent me recommendations and I began exploring other options. I've been doing so for about three months. Haven't found anyone I'm jazzed about.\n\nWhen I began searching again today, I saw her come up in the online portal. At first I was sort of hurt because I thought she would've re-opened her practice and then checked to see if I was still looking. Is that not the case? Is she not allowed to reach out to me directly since we have technically discontinued treatment?\n\nI'm thinking about reaching out, but not sure what to do.\n\nWould love to hear your thoughts!", "answer": "Definitely reach out. \n\nWas she in private practice before she shut down? If she was part of an organization,  she may not be allowed to reach you.\n\nThere are lots of reasons for this situation,  but you aren't doing anything wrong by reaching out.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hj2w1y", "comment_id": "fwju7zl"}, {"question": "I have a lot of questions \ud83d\ude02 I\u2019m at a point in life where I genuinely want to improve myself and I would really appreciate any advice/tips!", "description": "Ahhhh hey! Thanks for clicking on this ^^\nIf you scroll down, you\u2019ll find the questions but the information below this is just to provide context \ud83d\udc93\n\nI would love to introduce myself but I made this account anonymous for privacy haha\n\nBasic background info: 16F\n\nDue to traumatic past experiences like bullying and betrayal, I have trust issues and have developed social anxiety. \n\nTrust me, I don\u2019t want to feel this way. Social anxiety sucks! I grew up as an idealistic child with the ideal that all people are internally good and that might have been one of the things that fucked me up. \n\nI\u2019m over the bullying now and refuse to victimise myself but as the result of bullying, backstabbing, stress and being forced to grow up and mature in a situation that wasn\u2019t very kind to me, I\u2019ve realised that I lack a lot of social skills and at the very least, possibly the ability to detect social cues. When I was a child, people told me to \u201cbe a kid once in a while\u201d and that I was way too mature for my age. I suppose as a kid I thought being mature was a good thing (and I still suppose it is today), but I ended up getting along better with adults then I did with children (or as of now, teenagers)\n\nIf I talk about my past, this will be too long to read \ud83d\ude02 So I\u2019ll try to get to the point. Things are better now and I do have people who care for me and I\u2019m SUPER super grateful for them. But I\u2019m super introverted now, I find small talk kinda boring sometimes and have no idea how to make it and I\u2019m curious to know how to converse better and how to gain people\u2019s respect. \n\nI don\u2019t have a lot of things in common with the girls in my class and although I do have common interests with some of the boys, some of them don\u2019t talk openly with me in class because the girls and boys in my class typically don\u2019t talk to each other. I wanna talk and learn about politics, history, philosophy and maybe even fashion! I\u2019m literally okay with talking about most things but uwu it doesn\u2019t seem to be working well. I\u2019m even open to talking about things I know nothing about because it\u2019s fun to learn about new things but gah so far some of my attempts have been unsuccessful and I wanna increase the success rate ya know? \ud83e\udd2a\u263a\ufe0f\n\nI\u2019m leaving a lot of info out uwu but this is my first post so I hope it isn\u2019t too hard to read! \n\nQUESTIONS:\n1) How do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?\n\n2) How do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?\n\n3) How does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve? \n\n4) When I\u2019m around big groups, I get super anxious. Does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93\n\n5) I\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people I\u2019m really comfortable with. I switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when I\u2019m more comfortable with people. But I feel awkward and get anxious when I meet new people and Idk how to get over that. Any tips? \n\n6) Any of y\u2019all want to be friends? Or senseis, or moms or bros :p \u270a\ud83c\udffb We love a good sista \ud83d\ude0c\u2728\n\n\nBy the way, thanks! I appreciate any help I can get lmaoo. Even if you don\u2019t say anything (because you don\u2019t know what to say or you\u2019re not really into commenting), thank you for being here, I appreciate you! Ahhhh I have so many questions that hasn\u2019t come to my head yet but I hope I did okay. Again, thanks everybody! \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "1) How do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?\n\nPractice, practice, practice.  Every single person on earth has anxiety to some degree.  The more you avoid things that cause your anxiety, the worse it gets, the more you confront things that cause your anxiety and do it anyway, the more manageable it becomes, though it never goes away completely for anyone.  \n\n2) How do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?\n\nSimple.... you can't.  If you can't identify a similar interest or something you have in common, you won't be able to click with them.  I do believe though if you and the other person are open and willing, if you try hard enough, no matter who they are you can find at least one thing in common with them.  \n\n3) How does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve? \n\nFind role-models.  They can be real people you know, famous people, fictional characters.  Pick out a few people who are very good at particular social skills you want to work on.  Observe how they act and conduct themselves and practice imitating it.  Eventually, it'll feel less forced and become part of how you naturally act.  \n\n4) When I\u2019m around big groups, I get super anxious. Does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93\n\nIt sounds like you're an introvert.  There's nothing wrong with being an introvert.  Although it's a bit of a long and heavy read, I'd recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain.  It'll help you feel less guilty or bad about being introverted.  One thing introverts do in situations like this that often helps is to pick out 1 or 2 people in the larger group and focus on connecting on a deeper level with them instead of trying to do the proverbial extrovert behavior of \"working the room\".  \n\n5) I\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people I\u2019m really comfortable with. I switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when I\u2019m more comfortable with people. But I feel awkward and get anxious when I meet new people and Idk how to get over that. Any tips? \n\nThis is something that the majority of people experience.  The thing is, you can't read their minds or know what's going on inside for them, while you know exactly what's going on for you.  Just like you can't read others minds and see their anxiety, others can't see yours most of the time, even if it feels like they can.  Be mindful of this and work on accepting that most folks are more anxious and guarded upon meeting new people until they've gotten to know them.  There's nothing inherently wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "el9elt", "comment_id": "fdh9pza"}, {"question": "Even some of the smallest changes feel incredible", "description": "Now that I\u2019m over 100 days in I\u2019m feeling so grateful for so much even things that seem insignificant.\n\n- waking up with out a hangover \n- making my bed every morning \n- brushing and flossing my my teeth twice a day \n- washing my face twice a day \n- actually being able to stick to a whitening routine (my teeth are actually whiter for the first time ever!)\n- not wasting all of my sick time/PTO on hangovers! (I already saved up enough PTO to take a weeks vacation!)\n- actually giving my dog the attention and time he deserves!\n- not fighting with my husband over nonsense\n- remembering my moms birthday and taking her out for lunch\n- cleaning my house (still working on this but I\u2019m definitely getting better at it!)\n- consistently writing in a journal \n- early weekend breakfasts \n- sleeping in because I want to not because I\u2019m in to much pain to get up\n- remembering going to bed every night \n- not worrying about getting a DUI or crashing my car \n- not waking up with intense fear and anxiety after black outs\n- being able to recognize when I\u2019ve messed up and own up to it\n\nI have control of my life for what seems like the first time ever, I still have bad days and I still get cravings, but as time goes on they seem to get fewer and far between. \n\nThis sub was the first resource I found once I finally decided things needed to stop once and for all and it definitely put me on the right path, I can\u2019t express how grateful I am for everyone here!\n\nThanks,\nIwndwyt ", "answer": "Well done. Your teeth would thank you if they could \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8utehg", "comment_id": "e1itga7"}, {"question": "Are there ANY books with adult FEMALE protagonists on the spectrum?", "description": "I'm writing a novel where the protagonist is a woman with Asperger's. (The character is more than loosely based on me.) I'm wondering...is this a first?\n\n**I should clarify that by \"protagonist,\" I mean \"main point of view character.\" :-)**", "answer": "I'd like to say that I think you should do this even if it is not a first, if only because the best books are written by people who \"write what they know.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26mp5r", "comment_id": "chsrkib"}, {"question": "Should I approach him", "description": "Ok so there is a boy I think is cute. I want to approach him but I'm scared because it's like he only prefers girls a certain way because on his Instagram the girls he follow looks a specific certain way. I'm scared to approach him because I feel like he will just deny on me. ", "answer": "just be you. that's all you can be. if he doesn't like you he's the wrong guy for YOU.  there's a million thrat will love and appreciate you for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ko78r", "comment_id": "dbpdzjf"}, {"question": "40 days", "description": "Life hasn't gotten better, but at least I'm no longer dealing with it drunk. \n\n​\n\n​\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Keep going. It WILL get better!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "duvp9k", "comment_id": "f7a2ait"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "UK psychiatrist here. Have you got your CAMHS appointment? What did they say about you when you were with them previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wglfi", "comment_id": "dma93hy"}, {"question": "5+ years working in mental health, feeling more disillusioned/confused daily", "description": "Been working with the mentally ill for almost 5 years (now as a psych RN), working acute psych, detox, rehab, and adolescent. I came from medical nursing and, for the first few years, felt my understanding of mental illness growing. Lately, however, I've become more confused (and/or disillusioned) by the entire field. \n\nAs for my confusion - In acute psych in particular, the lack of patient insight distresses me. I've watched documentaries, PSAs, etc. where seemingly \"normal\" people speak about their struggles with schizophrenia or bipolar. My patients almost exclusively show no insight into their condition or are in some type of denial. They seem to exist only in the present, with very little insight into their past or future. I've had professors, physicians, professional athletes whose mental illness now defines them. They are no longer able to function as they once did. Do they remember their past lives in detail? Are they terrified/confused by the drastic change in their life? They don't appear to be. What's going through the mind of a schizophrenic with mostly negative symptoms - staring into the ceiling day after day, saying nothing?\n\nI'm mostly disillusioned by the pharmaceutical side of mental illness. Maybe it's just my current facility (or a few of the facility's physicians), but is it common to continually chase symptoms with new meds? I have many pt's on 10-20 meds, with new orders daily (e.g. seroquel tid, wellbutrin bid, xanax tid, cogentin, benadryl, buspar, vistaril prn, zyprexa prn, trazodone qhs.....plus medical - robaxin, neurontin, etc). Again, i'm an RN not an MD, but at some point, I start to wonder if there's any way for someone to be stable on this amount of meds.\n\nSorry this is kind of all over the place...having a hard time gathering my own thoughts and emotions lately and that might be part of why i'm having such a difficult time lately with this stuff. I have extreme empathy for my pt's and love working in mental health - i don't think i'll ever go back to medical nursing. At this rate, however, if i don't get a good grasp on whether what we're doing is the right thing (or at least leading towards the right thing), I may have to leave the field. Guess I'm hoping for someone to put it in a way that makes more sense to me. ", "answer": "Like another commenter said, self care is so important. That needs to be your first priority from now on.   ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3xwzxv", "comment_id": "cy9ndim"}, {"question": "NewB", "description": "New to this, I drink every night and  I am tired of waking up with regrets and trying to remeber the night before. I have often made any excuse for my drinking. I work hard, I only drink at home blah blah blah. I am 48 years old and find it hard to remember when I did not have this problem. I am also seeing health issues from the chronic alcohol abuse both mental and physical. I have a wonderful wife of almost 30 years who has seen me go from a person who could take it or leave it for the first several years of our marriage to someone who drinks daily to the point of passing out or if I do not pass out I do not remember more and more.  I could go on and on. This is my first time talking about my drinking with any one other than my wife. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "I hope SD is as helpful to you as it has been to me   \n\nGood luck and enjoy your journey :) ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o7q7y", "comment_id": "e7s4ldj"}, {"question": "How to get the numbness to go away?", "description": "I mean, I guess it's not really numbness. It's a feeling of nothing blanketed over a bunch of sadness, I guess. I've been in therapy and I've been on meds and it doesn't do much. I think I'm emotionally drained but sometimes everything gets a little heavier and I cry a bit. I still get anxiety but not as soul crushingly as in the past. I still can't go in public without the edges of my vision going black. I wanna be happy, or at least better than this. Everything means nothing, but I'm still sad. I guess that's the only emotion I can really feel. How do I make that go away? I wanna be able to love things again, I want to be able to feel happy. I'm really obsessive to the point where I'll think about something until it gives me a headache but generally I feel like there's a dull ache in my head constantly. My brain never really stops. I really envy people who can accept things the way they are. I really can't do that. I would probably let something slip and bad things would happen. I have to make sure I don't fuck up but obsessing about not fucking up makes me a fuck up. I can't do anything right because I'm too busy obsessing about whether or not I do. How do I make this stop? I wish somebody would know. Either for the obsessing or the numbness, either one. I'd really appreciate it. ", "answer": "are you very pleased with your therapist? if not, find another. makes all the difference. meds too. need the right doc.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z8r0x", "comment_id": "dewb8xn"}, {"question": "I'm a social mess. Suggestions appreciated.", "description": "I was an extremely introverted loner as a kid, due to my fathers work I switched schools on average of once a year until I was 12 so I didn't really have time to settle anywhere. Possibly as a result of this, I didn't have much confidence or any friends until my mid teens. Needless to say I spent a lot of my formative years by myself and grew to appreciate my own company, a little too much to be healthy!\n\nI'm now 26 years of age and I'm still quite introverted. Even though I have quite a lot of friends, I still prefer spending time by myself. I'd rather stay at home at weekends reading, studying, walking my dog or browsing the internet than go to a club and drink with my friends chasing girls but I force myself to socialize with my friends one night a week, even this can feel like a real burden.\n\nQuite often, when someone, particularly family members and strangers, is talking to me I really can't be bothered participating in the conversation, beyond a few curt words so the conversation ends up being extremely one sided. It's as if forming proper sentences is the most tiring thing I could do in these conversations.\n\nI realize I'm socially inept. Reddit, can you offer me some advice. Thanks in advance.\n\n", "answer": "Being social means different things to different people. If you are more of an intorvert, that's ok. Figure out how to have relationships in a way that works for you. Check out [this article](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-be-more-social) for more.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13q2oi", "comment_id": "c76m72c"}, {"question": "After ten months sober, I had \u201cone drink\u201d...", "description": "Sigh. Yeah. My intention was to only drink on Halloween\u2014 for some reason. I thought I could make one exception. And then the next day I said to myself \u201cwow, and it\u2019s not like I have the urge to do that all the time. Maybe I can just be cool about this and drink sometimes, like a normal teenager.\u201d\n\nThat turns into a bottle of wine on Election Day, drinking at a concert, vodka on Thanksgiving, tequila at a dinner party. \n\nAnd you know what these experiences have added to my life??\n\nNAUSEA and DISAPPOINTMENT. That\u2019s it. My year sober would\u2019ve been two weeks from now. I was drunk last night and my mom (who quit two months ago. she said I inspired her) told me she felt great sober and she was so happy. I had no idea how to tell her that I\u2019ve been drinking again. I think I knew then, knew always, that I\u2019d need to quit again. \n\nI can\u2019t live with this hanging over my head and inside my stomach. \nDay 1, again. I wish I\u2019d made the year. But I have today. \n\nIwndwyt. \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "Thanks for sharing... I can totally see myself doing that.... again. Hopefully I won\u2019t!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "a090t2", "comment_id": "eaggiae"}, {"question": "Need Help/Advice", "description": "Just need some insight as I can feel myself spiraling.\nI've been depressed/anxious on and off for about 10 years now, been on and off meds and have gotten in patient treatment twice. The last couple years I've been off meds and was pretty good but lately my anxiety has been non-stop and my morning depression has been terrorizing me. As I write this I've been up for 6.5 hours since230, laying with my eyes closed while my mind won't stop with the usual \"you're a burden, no one likes you, you can't handle life\" \n\nI have a girlfriend that knows I've been \"down\" lately but I don't go into detail w her about the suicidal thoughts and lack of interest in almost everything. She has some depressive tendencies but has never been diagnosed. She's great and tells me she loves me and we'll get through this, but I'm worried I'm just pushing her away.\n\nI can't afford health insurance but I really think that I need to get back on meds/therapy. It makes me feel hopeless though, I feel like help is out of reach for me. \n\nI can't really talk to friends about this and my family has never really known how to help despite my mom being on antidepressants. \n\nWould just like some insight on the issue if anyone would like to help. This seems to be a great thread for people seeking advice so I would appreciate any that anyone wants to give.", "answer": "[\u522a\u9664]", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8rqy7o", "comment_id": "e0ttdzg"}, {"question": "I'm crying because I feel sorry for my parents", "description": "They are happy and asleep, I joked around with them an hour ago and we were laughing and they were really happy. They love me. I love them.\n\nNow I'm crying because they would be so sad if they knew how sad I am all the time. I'll never tell but I can't help to feel sorry for them, they deserve a happier child. \n\nParadoxical.\n\n\nEDIT: You're all amazing people with encouraging words. I don't think depression makes you a bad kid and I don't think I'm brave or amazing for hiding it from them, it's just that I want to try and cope on my own. I love those 2 people too much to make them worry about something they can't fully comprehend and wouldn't understand. But just because I'm scared of doing so with my parents doesn't mean it's a good thing. Sharing is amazing, you just have to choose when and where will you share, and to whom. I shared here and it feels great. Thank you for that. ", "answer": "Counselor/father/son of a depressed mother here. The paradox is that talking to them is likely the first step in recovery for you. Depression wants you to believe that you have to suffer alone, but as soon as you start to defy that notion, many find increased strength and hope. Keeping it to yourself, for many people, is a recipe for continued suffering. I wish you the best, and I hope you find someone you're willing to reach out to.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "397znb", "comment_id": "cs1sinw"}, {"question": "I have this weird thing that happens during episodes and I'm becoming afraid nobody else experiences this?", "description": "Sometimes during episodes I feel like I don't know anybody around me. Even if it's my fiance and his family I still feel like I don't know them and that I need to be somewhere else with familiar people, but at the same time I dont know where I need to be. It's a shear panic feeling that I get. It feels like my whole world is crumbling beneath me and that everyone is a stranger. \n\nI'm sorry if that doesn't make much sense, but the feeling is nearly indiscribable and I did my best. \n\nDoes anyone else get this way? ", "answer": "Look up depersonalization as a form of disassociation. It sounds more like  disassociation from the way you described it but I have also run into that form of expression of depersonalization where you cease feeling like you are an actual person to some extent. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9fguz1", "comment_id": "e5wq1eb"}, {"question": "Tolerant Partners/Spouses", "description": "My wife is exceptionally tolerant of my drinking which currently takes up every evening. I'll start about 6 pm and stop when I go to bed around midnight and this has been pretty much the same story for the 20 years of my marriage. She doesn't drink often, maybe 3 glasses of wine a week, but she never questions my drinking and often actually picks me up some beers without me even asking.\n\nI guess I'm finding it hard to see my drinking as a problem when it's so tolerated and condoned by someone I live with. It is a problem, hence why I'm on this sub, but the person closest to me doesn't see that.\n\nAnyone else had this - it's a weird one, I know?", "answer": "Yep.  I said some version of \"I think maybe I have a drinking problem\"  for years.  My spouse repeatedly told me, \"I don't think you're an alcoholic.  You can \\_\\_\\_\\_\\_ (various ways he had seen me moderate)\".  It wasn't until I spelled out for him just how difficult it was for me to moderate that he understood.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dmxgxp", "comment_id": "f55p2hn"}, {"question": "Need direction on finding a therapist.", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am hoping that someone can send me in the right direction for seeing a therapist, as there are many different specialties and classifications. I don't suffer from depression or anxiety, and seeing a therapist isn't a pressing need in my life, but I think it would be beneficial for me to go to discuss things from my past that I've buried deep down. In essence, I wouldn't be going to therapy for any specific reason (e.g., I haven't lost a loved one, I'm not depressed, I haven't gone through a traumatic event or breakup, etc.). It just feels like the right thing to do to go talk to a licensed professional, rather than a friend or family member. Are certain therapists better suited for a more general need like mine? Appreciate any help.", "answer": "I would say that overall, the most important things you can do is to find a therapist you think you would connect with.  If they have an online profile or website, does what they say about how they work connect with you?  \n\n2nd, finding a therapist that workable for you.  Do they take your insurance if you plan on using it.  Do they have availability on a day/time that would work well for you?  Are they located somewhere that is relatively easy to get to for you?  This way, as things get tough, you don't have too many excuses to tell yourself not to go.  \n\n\nIf you've never been in therapy before, focus primarily on these things.  If you think you need a certain kind of specialist, talk to your current therapist about it.  They'll be able to guide you much better.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ezwhc5", "comment_id": "fgpxuku"}, {"question": "Levodopa and SSRIs", "description": "Age: 32\nGender: FtM\nLocation: USA\nDuration of complaint: 27 years/10 years\nHealth Issues: primary dystonia, CRPS/neuropathy, chronic migraines, IBS, Chiari malformation, Raynaud's syndrome, undiagnosed blood pressure issue (seeing cardio in January), PTSD, complicated grief, vitamin D deficiency \nRx: hyosciamine, gabapentin, sinemet, Zoloft, vitamin D, testosterone \n\nSo I apologize if this isn't appropriate to this forum but it seems the best suited on Reddit. This is a question about being medically complicated. \n\nI have dopa responsive generalized childhood onset dystonia. I am also negative for any of the known DYT genes. I take levodopa-carbidopa extended release three times a day to manage it.  \n\nI am also on a low dose (75 mg) daily for the complicated grief. My psychiatrist doesn't want to go any higher because he is worried about it complicating my levodopa/dystonia situation. \n\nI know DRD is a rare disease and Parkinson's, while closely related, isn't a perfect mirror by any stretch of the imagination. \n\nDo we know if going higher on my Zoloft would cause problems? I know I am wary of playing too much with two neurochemicals at the same time but right now my grief is peaking to the point that my grief therapist suggested pushing myself to a break down (safely at home with friends). I would like a buffer from my pain and honestly don't feel like Zoloft is doing anything. \n\nAlternatively, if SSRIs are dangerous for levodopa patients, are there better medications for us?", "answer": "I know nothing about DYT, so everything I say is based on Parkinson's, which as you say is not the same.\n\nIn Parkinson's, there is concern that SSRIs can worsen motor symptom, but in all studies I've seen they've either been neutral or had improvement in motor symptoms. SSRIs are also routinely combined with carbidopa-levodopa, so I'm not sure what the worry is. Carbidopa-levodopa is sometimes combined with selegiline, which can be dangerous with SSRIs.\n\nOn top of that, there's also limited evidence that SSRIs help with complicated grief. But there is some, so if you're going to try Zoloft you might as well try a full dose.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4eag6", "comment_id": "ebdqhjg"}, {"question": "Dont know what to do(26m) feeling like im trapped with her(24f)", "description": "So a little background I met my gf on tinder and it ended up be a great match, we've been together almost 18 months, but recently things have been taking a turn. She's working towards her second degree in college and I've an establish career in construction, and recently she's been showing signs of being aggressive towards me and even emotionally abusive at times. She does suffer from depression and anxiety bad I try to take it with Grain of salt. She's been out of work for a while now and is constantly concerned about money and I always come to the rescue help her out here and there, pay for food, just wherever I can. We've been considering moving in together but I'm not sure I'm ready for that because of the recent change in her. I've tried comforting her when she has these bouts of anger and sadness but nothing I do ever seems to be enough. Like it's always my fault, I do love the girl but I've never felt so small next to her. I don't know if I should break it off or try me fix things or what? Part of me wants to end it but I feel guilty every time that crosses my mind. That I'd leave her broken \nTldr: give her the world and feel like it's never enough", "answer": "she has to fix herself; get therapy; talk to her doc.\n\nyou have to decide how much you love her and how patient you want to be", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8er3", "comment_id": "ddl1ksn"}, {"question": "Today is my 365th day without alcohol and I couldn't be happier", "description": "I quit drinking a year ago because I was about to go to jail for a serious DUI. Before that I was unemployed and drinking a fifth of whiskey a day+. I was only in jail for 2 months but I was committed to turning my life around and i have stuck to that commitment. I feel like today marks a big milestone for me doing so.\n\nI am now working a full time job and looking toward a brighter future without alcohol holding me back.\n\nI just wanted to post here today to say that if quitting drinking seems like an impossible thing in your life, dont give up. I would have never thought I could do it, yet here I am.  You are stronger than you think and if alcohol is holding you back, just know that leaving it behind is the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself and for those who care about you.\n\nThanks for reading and I will not drink with all of you today.\n\n\nEdit: I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words. This is a great community and it makes me happy to see all of the positivity for each other. Thank you so much and congrats to all of you, too!", "answer": "Well done. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8kxjbw", "comment_id": "dzbzgiv"}, {"question": "I always thought the forgetting part of ADHD was a bit exaggerated, aren't all humans forgetful ? However ....", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is why I lay everything out on the bed first. This also allow s me to avoid \"oh fuck, nothing matches again.\"  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "73fj1t", "comment_id": "dnqtxw0"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (25) is emotionally explosive and I (24) feel helpless, scared, and frustrated. What can I do?", "description": "A little background: He and I have been together for 5 and a half years, since our sophomore year of college. We were long distance for just under 3 years of that and almost broke up because of it. He ended up moving back to where I was, despite my warnings that he shouldn't do something like that just for me. I was very worried about resentment, which is why I didn't move to him first. We've been living together for 5 months. \n\nRecently we've had a lot of trouble with assumed intentions and baiting. I've become more direct as I've gotten older and matured: if I'm upset, I'll say so and why. I don't have time for mixed messages. He used to be similar, but now it's like he's jumped the other way. It was manageable at first, but I don't know if it's gotten more \"dramatic\" or if I've begun to lose patience (possibly a mix of the two). For example, I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning, so I got to bed early. If I tell him that I'm going to sleep, he'll often get extremely upset with me that we haven't spent time together and can't believe I'm going to bed, even though we've watched movies for the past 4 hours. He takes it personally, when really I just have to go to bed. No matter how I explain to him that it's just something I have to do and void of any ill-intentions, he still cries, so I end up staying up 3 hours past my bedtime to comfort him (not an exaggeration, that's about how long it takes). In any argument, I have to agree with him about my own intentions before we can move on. I'm never trying to tell him he can't have hurt feelings, but if I try to tell him that I don't feel the way he assumed, it makes the situation worse.\n\nHe'll also run away from me hoping I'll chase him. More than once he's started to leave our apartment during an argument waiting for me to beg him to stay, which is not my style at all. If he wants to leave, I'm going to let him go because that's what he wants to do. He's told me not to come home at night or threatened to have his bags packed, again hoping I'll plead with him. He scoots away from me on the couch and then gets upset when I don't immediately reattach to his side. I understand that he must be doing this so that I prove my love to him or something along those lines, but that's just not the way I work. I actually get frustrated and annoyed--if you want me to come closer, just say so; don't play these high school games.\n\nWe've talked about it later after we've cooled down and he understands in that moment, but it all goes out the window once he gets highly emotional. Beyond feeling annoyed that he runs wanting me to beg him to stay, he's started acting dangerous. He once told me \"don't expect me to be alive when you come home\" as I was leaving for work (so I immediately called off and stayed home) and another time started grabbing kitchen knives. I'm concerned for his safety and also my own.\n\nThe hardest part is that we're actually IN therapy, but it's like he's a different person in there. He is understanding, thoughtful, apologetic and confident in himself. We seem to make real progress in there and I always feel like we understand each other better. Literally as soon as we leave the room, though, he'll tell me he's done because of something that I shared and storm off down the street. I feel like I'm on edge, waiting for his emotional shoe to drop at any moment. I cried recently because I felt so backed into a corner (I don't cry often because my depression isn't very welcoming to tears), and he said \"that's what I was waiting for, thank you\" and immediately turned on the TV, stopped crying himself, and acted like nothing happened.\n\nSorry, I know this got long. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm running out of patience but I feel like I'm also running out of strength. I feel powerless because his emotional state is always one of immense hurt and there's no room for me to be anything or do anything other than exactly what he wants. It's always perceived as me kicking a hurt puppy. I become \"a shitty person\" if I ask him to stop playing games. I'm \"mean and horrible\" if I try to explain that me going to bed has nothing to do with me not wanting to spend time with him because I can't invalidate the way he feels. I'm \"rude\" and \"don't care about [him]\" if I bring any of these things up in therapy. I feel like I have nothing except to rollover and brainlessly do what he wants. \n\nI don't even know what exactly I'm asking for. Am I overreacting? Am I being terrible and insensitive? Is there anything I can do to help make this situation better? I hate that I make him sad so often but I also feel like half the time I'm not doing anything other than just existing. Please, if you have any advice at all, I would appreciate it. I'm desperate for help.\n\n**TL;DR:** boyfriend is highly emotional and plays emotion games but I'm direct and struggle with mixed messages. Seems like emotional state is escalating to dangerous levels but I feel powerless to stop and/or fix. Any help/advice is appreciated. ", "answer": "he has big problems. if he doesn't change, leave. psychologytoday.com has a therapist directory", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6arc9a", "comment_id": "dhgv44q"}, {"question": "Losing interest in AA", "description": "Hey guys, something has been on my mind for a while. \n\nThe 1st of the month will be 2 years for me. I started my recovery in a 6 month sober living environment that preached AA and mandated church on Sundays. I'm not religious and church was just a thing I did to stay in the program. I found some sort of spirituality and worked the steps with a sponsor.\n\n I eventually moved and found a different sponsor with long term sobriety, who told me essentially that I knew nothing of the program, and we started over. He's a great guy, and I wanted what he has. I was. Having a lot of issues in life at the time, with my relationship, as well as a pretty devastating house fire, and he ended up getting deeply involved in my relationship problems, and distancing himself when I stuck with her.\n\nThrough this whole year for various reasons I'd find myself getting further away from AA, coming back for a month, leaving for a month, working the steps, not working the steps, etc. Without an urge to use, while life and my ability to react to it steadily improved.\n\nIn a little over a week I will celebrate 2 years with no interest in turning back, with my mental health better than ever, my relationship better than ever, etc. At this point I haven't been to a meeting in 2 months, and prior to that I would say I've been to a combined, maybe 4 meetings I'm the past 6 months. I don't miss it. I keep in contact with 1 buddy who is in the program, and he doesn't judge me for it, but at this point I've been to probably 100 different meetings in 2 counties, and I've never found that group that clicks, or those anchor people who stick with me through it all.\n\nI don't hold any grudges against AA for not having what I want, and I don't miss the meetings or the people.\n\nI'm sure I'm not the only person who originally drank the Kool aid, and then developed a distaste for it as I readapted to life.\n\nDo you have a similar story?", "answer": "It still hurts how the people I became so close to my first year of recovery ghosted when my schedule picked up/I had to go back on stimulant meds for my adhd. My one friend who I had laughed with weeks earlier about wanting to kill ourselves over the smallest inconvenience (bc that would be easier than grocery shopping (dark humor ftw)) told me that she had \u201cdecided to be happy now and didn\u2019t want any negativity around.\u201d  I walked into my home group and felt unwelcome. I have 2.5 years. Haven\u2019t been to a meeting in maybe 1.5 (other than with mom recently since she just got out of rehab). \n\nI just make sure that the things that helped me exist in my life still. My best friends know my history. I tell on myself. I go to therapy. I take my moral inventory. I miss the camaraderie and feeling like I finally was with people like me, but realized they weren\u2019t like me in the ways that mattered. ", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7s6xhy", "comment_id": "dt3qu28"}, {"question": "Can I drink very little with nafld?", "description": "Hello, I'm overweight and have moderate NAFLD, probably due to my weight. I'm treating it with diet and exercise, and I've been told to abstain from alcohol, however, it's been difficult because I'm depressed, anxious and the treatment is such a big pain in the ass that I'm getting even more depressed. Tasting liquor is one of the few things I enjoy yet, it doesn't even need to be a big amount. I wonder if that advice should be taken absolutely or if I can drink modestly, like 25 to 30ml of 40% alcohol per day two or three times a week. This should be enough to me.", "answer": "You're probably better off not drinking at all. Drinking a little bit is safer than drinking more. That's really all the advice a doctor can give you. Not everyone can follow all medical advice. Because you mention depression and anxiety and haven't described anything else about it, I hope you are getting treatment for those things. Self-treatment with alcohol is easily self-sabotaging. (Enjoying alcohol in reasonable amounts despite depression is fine except for the liver disease.)\n\nIf your liver disease progresses at all, you would want to stop drinking entirely, because the reason for progressive cirrhosis is unclear and, if it does get to the point that transplant is on the table, having already demonstrated the ability to abstain from alcohol entirely will help. That's an unlikely worst case.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jt6sbk", "comment_id": "gc3sq2b"}, {"question": "what was the \u201chappy juice\u201d i was given before surgery?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Probably midazolam (Versed), which is indeed a sedative-hypnotic. It's commonly given just prior to procedures.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f883nt", "comment_id": "fijnhhs"}, {"question": "The feeling of people judging you is seriously annoying", "description": "Human is judgmental creature in nature, yet no one really likes to be judged, maybe except those sadist. Sometime I don't really mind, sometime I felt like killing that person for repeating the same offence multiple times, and then there's some random strangers on the internet posting shits to my inbox, THAT really makes me uneasy.\n\nCan't these f**kers mind their own business? Is it wrong to posts on my own Facebook wall? Is it wrong to say \"I like your contents\" on people or pages I follow? Is it wrong to click the <3 button?\n\nI've been feeling uneasy whole day now. Lack of sleep today also kinda make it worst.\n\nGeezuz crysis always these random f**king strangers on the internet come ruining people's day.\n\nTbh, although I'm Chinese myself, I often stay away from Chinese people on the Internet, except several gaming communities I'm familiar with. Dunno why, the toxic level isn't something I comfortable with. It's like their words are always covered in spikes, often very political and racial. Sometime when i see my friend commenting in Chinese on some random topics, I kinda scared looking at those words. It's a weird sense. I communicate with everyone with English on the Internet, except my sister that can't read English.\n\nYep, the guy spammed my inbox today is a Chinese. Seriously, I don't even know that guy.", "answer": "The world is both a loving and toxic place.  Choose which one you want to spend most of your time (both physically and mentally).  People will always judge you.  That can't be helped.  What you can do is separate yourself from those that are toxic that you don't care about.  Block them on the internet.  Don't spend time around them in person if you can help it.  \n\nWork towards both surrounding yourself with more positive people while also learning to stop caring about people judging you that you don't care about.  In other words, what does it matter if someone you have no respect for judges you harshly?  It should only matter if someone you love and care about and/or respect judges you harshly in my opinion.  Hope this helps and good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "80mskl", "comment_id": "duwtbee"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "There's no evidence that any vitamins are helpful unless you have a specific vitamin deficiency, and those are actually fairly rare. Vitamin D might be an exception, but the recommendations for what's normal or not and how much you should take are all over the place and not supported by much science. The other exception is relatively common anemia among women, but again, that's something that you want to get diagnosed before you just start taking iron.\n\nSo the recommendations are simple and straightforward. Eat a reasonably good diet. Get regular exercise. Get enough sleep. None of those are binary: you can eat a little bit better, exercise a little bit more, and get more sleep on more nights without having to be perfect.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ayer7d", "comment_id": "ei081mn"}, {"question": "mom, her boyfriend, bras & me 17f", "description": "**tl;dr** mom always wants me to wear a bra around her boyfriend? is this normal?\n\nmy mom always tells me to wear a bra when her boyfriend comes over as i usually don't wear one around the house. ive asked her why and she'll never give me a reason, is this normal? it's my house and i live here, he doesn't so why must i wear a bra for him? \n\n\nbackground~\n\nit doesn't make me angry but it does annoy me a lot, at the begining of their relationship, about 3 yrs ago, she asked me if i liked him (in a romantic way) and i said no obviously not.\n\nim not this dudes biggest fan anyway, he hasn't got good communication skills irl and calls my mom like 5 times a day on her cell and if she doesn't answer that he'll call the house phone until someone picks up.\n\nhe wanted to move in with us (me, 2 brothers and mom) but my mom doesn't want him to and neither do I or my brothers. id be seriously suicidal if he moved in.\n\neither way, i don't understand why i need to do it, any insighy would be helpful ;)", "answer": "That's the best reddit title I've seen. Like a movie title.\n\nDo what you want!Your Mom just doesn't want him to be relating to you as a sexual being, which going braless could trigger.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7816yw", "comment_id": "doqb5x1"}, {"question": "Depression + break-up with long time partner, it's eating me alive.", "description": "My now exgirlfiend whom I had been dating for 5 years recently broke up with me and made me move out of our house. Every time I think of her or see something that she gave me I go into a really dark place in my mind where I can't seem to get out of, she used to be the person that I would go to whenever I had an episode like this, but now I have no one that I feel I can rely on. I could go to friends but we share most of our friends and don't want to make the mistake of seeing her. What can I do?", "answer": "Talk to someone about how you're feeling. Schedule an intake with a therapist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3zdu26", "comment_id": "cyot1mp"}, {"question": "[28/m] Dating my gf [27/f] for over five years. I have a habit of flirting/making inappropriate comments to other girls and it has caused serious issues in our relationship.", "description": "I have been dating my current gf for over five years. We live together. There has been three or so times in our relationship when she has seen messages that I have sent to other girls that were deemed \"inappropriate\" or \"flirting.\" Not like sending naked pictures, but making sexual type jokes, for example. In the past I had promised to stop, but I suppose my nature is very \"open\" and I could be said to have little filter on things that I say, especially when (in my mind) I'm simply joking. \n\nI have never cheated on my gf, nor do I have any intentions on physical contact with another woman when making those inappropriate comments. However, I understand how this habit of mine has caused my gf to lose a lot of trust in me, and now we are on the verge of splitting up because of it.\n\nI do care for my gf very much, and I have taken what I believe to be steps to avoid this in the future - deleting phone numbers, deleting my Facebook account, etc. I want to be a better partner, one that she can trust. She has said that she won't make a decision on our future until I can answer her one question: \"Why?\"\n\nI have struggled greatly to answer this. I feel that I genuinely don't know why I say inappropriate things. I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor, but as that's not until the middle of next week, I have come here for any advice. If I have already screwed up enough to ruin the relationship, I understand, but regardless I want to know what might cause somebody to struggle to resist the urge to be \"inappropriate.\"", "answer": "who deemed what inappropriate??  please be specific. thanks.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ql3a2", "comment_id": "dd05vu8"}, {"question": "Forced suffering. (Rant, advice?)", "description": "I'd like to say that the major depression and anxiety I have is all the chemicals in my head gone wrong. \n\nWhile that may be the case, nothing can hide the fact that even the thought of going to my dad's house sends me into a physically ill, depressed panic. And yet, I'm still here.\n\nWhen my parents initially got divorced, it wasn't so bad. Then my dad got married, and right around then I was starting to become more aware of what was going on. Growing up, and all that. That's when going to my dad's started to hold some serious negative connotations.\n\nHe never hit me. He never starved me. The only thing he did was nag and berate me about things I do wrong, how I need to get ALL A's, not just A's and B's. He would put me down about my weight. About how, at age 12, I should be interested in clothes and makeup like the other girls. \n\nIt's continued to escalate. When I got my license, he bought me a car in the hopes that I'd move in with him. That plan backfired. I didn't go to his house for nearly a year - only on major holidays that it was planned for me to go there.\n\nHe begged me to break up with my boyfriend last summer (we had been together for 2 years at this point) because he wasn't going to college and I was. He said I needed to go out and party, and not let an uneducated kid hold me back. (Still with said boyfriend, who is doing quite well working a full time job). I'm leaving in a week for my second year at college now.\n\nI just am not sure how to go about this. \n\nI don't want to be around anymore. I'm not sure how I was able to forgo spending time here that first year I had my car. All he's done is guilt trip me this summer about how I don't spend time here. I can't remember him doing it then. But I just want to make sure I get away from here. Far away. And only come back when absolutely necessary. \n\nHe's not exactly a TERRIBLE father... at least, compared to other terrible fathers. But to be fully honest... I almost would have rather he walked out. He's never been appreciative of hard work - only talent and legitimate success. Do, there is no try. He uses material items to gain control over people... but they stopped working on me a long time ago. He's just... he's not really a great guy like he comes off as. And its not just him that makes me not want to be here - his bitch wife is a huge problem too. She's horrible, judgmental, and still acts like she's the freaking senior prom queen (which she might have been...). The exact opposite of everything I am.\n\nI don't really know what the point of this post was. I just kinda needed to get it out. Maybe how to deal with guilt trips, I guess. How to make me appreciate my father more... or to push him farther away. I'm not totally sure what I want. I don't want to do anything I'll regret though. Which, at this point, I can't really tell which direction I'll regret more.\n\nTL;DR: Daddy issues. But not in the sexual sense.", "answer": "I'm so sorry you're in this situation.  It sounds beyond awful.  Also, your father pisses me off.\n\nDepression is part chemicals, and part environment.  Environment affects people significantly - see the case of a girl called by the name Genie, for a very extreme example.\n\nAlso, do not ever doubt that emotional abuse and psychological manipulation are still abuse that is potentially just as bad and damaging as anything physical, depending on what it is.  I'll be honest - your dad is a real piece of work.  That behavior would start to harm anyone, frankly, even people not predisposed to mental illness.\n\nPeople commenting on weight, body type, and a lack/abundance of inappropriate masculinity or femininity create mental illness.  This is documented scientifically, even.  Shame on him for doing that.  It makes me angry whenever anyone says someone's been doing this.  That's legit how people start to get eating disorders and abuse themselves as they internalize the comments.  \n\nI think that your desire to not be around anymore is a healthy one.  It seems like you know what you want, and you know what will make you satisfied and content.  As for regret...\n\nAs an old lady (I say this making fun of myself - I'm 35), you will always have regrets.  That's life, you know?  Even the best decisions can come with small ones.  \n\nI can't decide what's right or wrong for you as I'm not you.  I can say that there is no shame in living a life free of mental, physical, or spiritual abuse.  There is no shame in realizing an abusive situation for what it is and wanting to distance yourself from it.  \n\nSometimes we best appreciate people from a distance.  It gives us perspective, as well as space for when things get too painful.  You can't change your father.  You can only control your reactions to him and the choices you make.\n\nWhatever you decide, good luck!  If you ever need to talk, feel free to toss me a message.\n\n\n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ys01z", "comment_id": "c5ych17"}, {"question": "My therapist just refused to take me because I was 15 minutes late to a 1 hour appointment but still expects me to pay and I'm completely beside myself", "description": "I've been having an extremely hard time lately because not only am I dealing with my ADHD since always but my depression has gotten significantly worse for reasons I still don't understand. \n\nI eventually looked into therapy because my family was concerned and found a lady that seemed nice. The first appointment went okay and she did give me some weird vibes in that she was very quick to get frustrated with me if I got distracted or side tracked, but I was desperate for help so I didn't want to leave over it.\n\nSo, I started Wellbutrin a week ago and it's been kinda messing with my sleep. I couldn't sleep at all last night even with trazodone. I accidentally fell asleep before my appointment and woke up at the time I was supposed to leave, left immediately and got there exactly 15 minutes later. \n\nI rush upstairs then open her door and she's laying on the floor with a pillow and blanket. She popped up, got all embarrassed then said because I was 15 minutes late my appointment is over. I was extremely confused and asked why I couldn't just speak to her for 45 minutes and pay for the hour and she said that's just her policy. \n\nover and over, she just kept saying it was just her policy. I asked why 15 minutes? Why does she not expect her patients to make mistakes like this considering they're going through a lot? what makes her think this is even remotely reasonable or ethical when I'm literally standing there crying and begging her to let me speak to her? No matter what I said, she responded that it was just her policy. \n\nShe then specified that even though my appointment has been canceled she still expects me to pay... I was standing right there in her office with 45 minutes left before her next appointment and she looked me in the eyes and told me that my appointment can't be carried out and I must pay regardless.\n\nIronically, I forgot the money as she only takes cash for \"the safety of her clients\". So, I told her I would bring it later but I'm not interested in scheduling another appointment. She just nodded and I left. \n\nI'm completely beside myself. I keep crying because I feel so guilty for accidentally falling asleep and being late and also because I needed to talk to her so badly and she just refused over and over.\n\nShould I pay her even though she NEVER told me about this policy? Should I report her? I don't know know what to do. I feel so hopeless. \n\n\n\n", "answer": "Lateness is a part of boundary setting for a therapist but just like boundaries in real life, these boundaries can be flexible. The way that it was dealt with wasn't nice and I'm sorry you experienced that :(", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b7egj5", "comment_id": "ejrvr2z"}, {"question": "[f/26] I have symptoms of ptsd from past abusive relationship, and it's affecting new relationship with [m/22].", "description": "From about the age of 20 to 24, I was in an off and on abusive relationship. It had started with silent treatment, mostly emotional abuse, etc. Then it went to pretty bad verbal abuse, he called me about every name in the book, specifically cunt, bitch, ungrateful, \"rat\", etc.\n\nThen after a little over a year, the physical abuse started. There were times that he had choked me, backhanded me, left me stranded far from home, kicked me, strangled my wrists and pinned me against a wall while yelling at me. At the time, I didn't believe that it was all his fault and I believed that because of whatever I had done or said, in a sense I deserved it. I always took him back after these incidents, until just one day I had enough. He still hoovered back into my life a lot especially because we went to the same school. He was pretty good at getting back into my life, because one I was afraid to be without him in life and two, I did love him at a time. He was my first real love and relationship, so it was all I knew. Although, I did have one boyfriend before him we had only dated 10 months and just something about that ex didn't pull me in as much as the toxic ex did. \n\nI completely broke things off around May of 2015 and him and I weren't together for over a year. I even dated other people, and most guys thought I had been single for a long period of time (because I hid the fact that I was still seeing my ex). \n\nFast forward to now, and in the time him and I weren't together, we had remained in contact because he actually ended up being in one of my classes. At the time I was dating another guy, that ended up not working out. This past summer, my ex and I went to a concert together and inevitably he wedged back into my life and we ended up sleeping together. He convinced me he changed and that we could work things out.\n\nNever in my life did I think I'd get back with him, but it happened for about 2-3 months. I ended up ending it again because he tried to force sex on me after a fight we had(over me being \"ungrateful\" about something), so I knew the abuse was coming back full force and I had to get out. I've had no contact with him since mid October of last year. \n\nSince then, I started dating my roommate. I've lived with him for almost 2 years now so him and I have had a little bit of a history too as he has wanted to be with me and we did hook up on occasion. I never wanted to pursue it though because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, as he is my best friend. \n\nI love him very much and never in a million years would he even be capable of treating me the way my ex did. I feel like now that my ex is out of my life, I'm actually dealing with the issues head on and I haven't been coping well. I've had many altercations(especially with men, where if I feel threatened I completely black out basically and lose control of my anger. I've spit on a guy over my friends car being towed, I've cussed out a guy at the gym for threatening to kick my ass because he was harassing a girl and I was standing up for her.) And because of my issues, it is also affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. There are times where I just go numb and don't want to talk about anything upsetting me. I push him away. I've gotten angry toward him when I know he doesn't deserve it. I'm irritable almost every day. When I'm angry at my boyfriend, I try my best not to cuss at him or say mean words, but especially if I've been drinking it's gotten really bad. I used to not be this way, especially when drunk. I was always just fun and always had a good time. That's how I used to be with my current boyfriend, but since we've lived together and been together, I just keep getting worse. When I get angry my adrenaline rushes and it's very hard to control.\n\nIf anyone has gone through domestic violence or ptsd, can you please give me some advice or coping tactics? I tried going to therapy at school, but they suggested I need long term therapy and turned me away. And because I just turned 26, my health insurance is ending March 1st. I feel completely hopeless and like I'll never be normal again. ", "answer": "usually there are mental health clinics, social service agencies, and hospitals that offer sliding fee scales. let me know if you need help with the search.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vl3vb", "comment_id": "de2wksn"}, {"question": "Can an enabler be an addict?", "description": "One of the books I read, Finding a Purpose in the Pain by James Fenley lists 8 traits of an enabler and addict. \n\nEnabler: Needs to take care of someone, Controlling, independent, Self-critical, Responsible for others' happiness, Hard time asking for help, Talks a lot, hard worker, Hard time saying no, Can't express feelings.\n\nAddict: Needs to be taken care of, Dependent, Blames others, Needs problems, Selfish, Isolated, Self-centered, Nontrusting.\n\nI can see aspects of both in myself. Without getting to in depth into my own situation, what are other people's thoughts on this?", "answer": "In a sense, I'd say a traditional enabler would be addicted to the addict; or maybe addicted to the relationship.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "199eya", "comment_id": "c8memgy"}, {"question": "The atheist/agnostic higher power thread. What's yours?", "description": "Share time! The only rule is: Keep your post to **two sentences.**\n\nMy higher power is unconditional love, for others and for myself. Nothing you do or I do adds to that love *or takes away from it.*\n\n\n", "answer": "I don't have a name or definition for my higher power. For me, there is something out there that is greater than myself, but it is simply beyond my comprehension. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1tbzm2", "comment_id": "ce6f0pn"}, {"question": "Weird story therapist and conflicted", "description": "  \n\nSo, I\u2019ve been looking for a private therapist. I'm at a very low point in my life and feel like I really need the support as I don\u2019t have anyone in my life to turn to. I went and tried one session with a particular therapist recently, and I\u2019m not sure how to feel about the whole experience. Most of it seemed ok at the time, but the more I think about it, the more I\u2019m put off from returning, especially given the cost. He told at least one weird anecdotal story, which I found a little off topic, but I accepted it and didn\u2019t think much about it at the time. I felt ok after the session initially, but then again, I didn\u2019t feel that bad before the session. I didn\u2019t cry during the session which was a surprise to me since I\u2019ve been feeling awful with some bad life events over the last year and longer, but we didn\u2019t touch those events, everything we talked about was about my childhood (I'm in my 30's).\n\nThen he sent me some resources after the session, some of which included even weirder mythical stories, some \u2018human givens institute\u2019 stuff and some solution-focused therapy stuff. Initially after the session I didn\u2019t think much about it, but now I feel really conflicted. I don\u2019t feel comfortable with these resources, particularly the \u2018human givens\u2019 stuff and the stories. The stories don\u2019t seem appropriate, and frankly, they seem plain weird to me. I can\u2019t find much about \u2018human givens\u2019 online: some claim it is pseudo nonsense, other\u2019s view it as just another technique to be used. Whatever the effect \u2018human givens\u2019 has, I\u2019m really put off by it. The whole experience just seemed a bit impersonal and patronising in hindsight, even cultish, and though he was clearly putting in a lot of effort, I simply don\u2019t trust this stuff and maybe even him. \n\nIs the anecdotal storytelling stuff normal for therapy? Does the \u2018human givens\u2019 stuff have any credibility? What should I even expect from therapy? I know I should have therapy goals, but in all honestly, the only goal I can think of  at the moment is \u2018to stop feeling like crap all the time\u2019. All of the therapy I\u2019ve tried so far seems really patronising, especially this latest session.\n\nSorry for any vagueness. Any help, advice and/or clarity would be great.", "answer": "One thing to be certain is that you should never really expect to get a whole lot or feel \"fixed\" after one therapy session.  Therapist is process that can take time.  First sessions are generally focused on allowing the clinician to get to know you a little bit and allowing you to get to know them.  \n\n\nEvery therapist works differently, some share anecdotes and personal experiences in order to help teach something or let you get to know them and others won't talk about themselves at all.  \n\n\nI generally tell folks to give it three sessions working with a therapist.  If you feel like there's a connection and they may be able to help you, great, if not, move on and immediately look for a new therapist.  If cost a big concern, you may want to just move on now, but also make sure that you realize for even the briefest of therapies to be effective, it's likely you're going to need to go to weekly sessions for a good while for it to be effective.  Make sure you're able to budget for this as you don't want to blow a bunch of money on 2 or 3 sessions and have to drop out due to finances.  Then you'll be out that money and likely won't see any substantial results.  \n\n\nBeing in the U.S. I don't know much about this Human Givens approach as it seems pretty UK centric, new, and not very well established.  The little bit of internet diving I did, it doesn't seem like it's an evidenced based practice or that there's much research on it.  I'd be somewhat wary of practitioners pushing something like this.  \n\n\nHere's the thing.  Every therapist has a framework that they prefer to work from, but many therapists are eclectic and can use various different modalities in their treatment.  If what your therapist is doing isn't working for you, tell them.  Let them know what aspects of their working with you helps you and which doesn't.  Many will be able and willing to adjust.  For those that can't or won't, then it's time to seek a different therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bavwva", "comment_id": "ekep9gt"}, {"question": "I'm the new Treasurer of the group I'm in, and I need assistance. A situation's come up and I need to research how other groups handle/secure their money.", "description": "Okay, so our group has had sort of a \"den mother\" who has been the one keeping this group alive for many years (she'll be getting her 24 year chip in a month or two).  This group was 'her' group and she took care of everything, but her age is catching up with her and the group has enough regular attendees that she feels comfortable handing over some of the responsibilities so she can take care of herself.\n\nI was asked if I would be the Treasurer, I accepted, but to stay true to the traditions I requested a formal group conscience where other volunteers could step forward and it could be voted on.  No one else stepped forward so I was voted in.  We'd all known for a long time that she'd been mixing group funds in her own personal account all those years but we were okay with that.  Our group is moderate (~15 regular members), we understood that becoming incorporated wasn't worth the extra costs or work, and mixing funds meant not having to worry about keeping a minimum balance. (And there were low-membership years where she was footing the bill for everything anyway.)\n\nAs the new treasurer I looked into the options of incorporating or having separate bank accounts to see if anything had changed since she last looked into it, then held a group conscience to see how the group wanted to handle it.  I found that I could open a second, separate account at my bank that would not be tied to my current account, but it required a $200 minimum deposit.  I could also add a cosigner which would give the group access to the funds if anything happened to me.  The group chose that over incorporating.  Someone volunteered to be the cosigner and the group agreed.\n\nWe've not yet completed the paperwork but now I'm second guessing.  The person who volunteered has mentioned in previous meetings that they have a history of being a chaos addict and manipulator, and this past week we engaged in some emails back and forth that in retrospect lead me to think their chaos addict days are not as far behind them as they may think. (EDIT: To specify, they weren't just talking about 3rd person stuff.  Chaos was created that directly affected me.)  I've talked it over with my sponsor and before taking any actions it was decided that I should do some research ... talk to people in other groups to learn how other groups are handling/securing their funds.\n\nAs I understand it there are four options:\n\n* Single person on the account\n\n* Two people on the account\n\n* Association on the account, which enables more than 2 cosigners\n\n* Incorporate\n\n... Do you know which method your group uses?  Have you experienced any similar issues of concern about access to the account?  How have your groups handled it?\n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "The way we did it at my group is the cosigner with the treasurer and then another service member, typically the secretary or GSR and after those terms ended the account would be signed over to the next secretary and another member.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20r2fh", "comment_id": "cg6p1kb"}, {"question": "Can sitting when you have piles block bloodflow to heart?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "No.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ks4zp", "comment_id": "dbq7e7p"}, {"question": "What is the best cure for Anxiety/ depression?", "description": "Simple as the title really. I just want to be able to believe in myself and stop being so ashamed of who I am and what I am doing with my life. I feel motivated to achieve and achieve but I never feel like it is enough especially in some areas of my life especially socially. ", "answer": "Ultimately, the best treatment depends on the underlying cause and its severity. There's no test to tell us which will be effective for individuals, but most medical treatments are proven to be better than placebo. Talking therapies have variable evidence, but are typically more useful in mild/moderate severity illness. For the most severe cases, ECT is immensely effective.\n\nPurely on gut feeling, I think you'd do best with self-help measures, which I guess is a good thing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4x94t7", "comment_id": "d6dnopc"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [28m] of 4 1/2is still very selfish and not ready to fully commit to me [26f] when should things end?", "description": "As the title states, me and my boyfriend of 4 years are not moving forward at all. We hang out once a week mostly to run his errands.\n\n\nHe's very sweet, and kind but it feels like there's nothing between us. Everything we do, it's something of his choice. When he asks me if I would like to do anything, he will ask me over and over again until I change my answer to what he wants. I feel like I'm always compromising in his favor.\n\nWe have been together for four years and  everything feels as when we were first dating. I call myself his weekend girlfriend because we only get together on Saturdays and usually to do his shopping at the mall. We only take his car. We only stop where he needs to go. And he chooses where we eat.\n\nhe orders the same two appetizers every time we go out, even though I dislike them and he never finishes anything he orders. I feel bad for trying to order my own appetizer because our bill ends up being unreasonably high. He never compromises and gets what we both want and it just seems really stupid to order three appetizers and two dinners when we couldn't possibly eat that much food.\n\nOur whole relationship functions that way. I'm always compromising for what he wants. Today I told him I wanted to have a fun day. I wanted to go skating. I know he doesn't like going out of his way out do things, so I suggested skating around in the giant water puddle in his yard that froze over last night.\n\nThrough text and calls he asked me what I wanted to do and where over and over again. I said I wanted to go out for lunch and go skating. Three times I stated this via text and he called me. All within an hour. I had a gift card for the Texas road house and suggested there 3 Times. He suggested another place that he knows I don't like. He said \"I know you don't like xXxX place, but why don't we go there?\" \n\nI told him I would compromise and go there with him... after we had our lunch, we were headed in the opposite direction of his house. I asked where we were going and he said he was taking me home!?!?! He decided he didn't want to ice skate.... I compromised to the point where I was willing to just skate around his yard and he wouldn't even give me that?!?!\n\nI started crying in the car because I keep telling him I feel like all I ever do is blindly follow what he wants all the time and that I get nothing in return. I feel like I'm just set to autofollow in his life, shadowing behind him with no real purpose while he does what he wants.\n\nMy whole relationship with him are just instances like this. He lives with his parents and doesn't really seem to want to move out. He puts being with his family over being with me or even compromising to try to split his time. Being on time for dinner with his parents is more important than going out with me or compromising a night with me. I always join him and his family for holidays and birthdays and such, but he won't come to dinner with mine.\n\n\nHe tells me that he loves me and he's affectionate towards me. But at what point will I become an important part of his family? At what point will he be less selfish, and learn to make me a priority at least sometimes? \n\nMaybe 4 1/2 years isn't too long.. but hes 28 years old... he's going to be 29 in a few months and I feel like... at some point aren't men supposed to want a wife and a family? I asked where he sees us in 5 years and he tells me he wants a house and a family with me... but he can't even make a stop for coffee for me when we drive past 3 dunkin donuts!\n\nWhenever we talk about my feelings, he tries to come up with a quick fix. Today he said we can go skating at a real rink next week. I just wanted to enjoy being with him instead of following behind him doing what he wants... and I always choose activities I know he enjoys too. He enjoyed skating last time we went years ago.\n\nI've never chosen what film we see, or where we should eat.I planned a weekend vacation once and he made me make an itinerary so I could feel like I could have a say.. and then we just did what he wanted... we didn't do any of the things I wrote in the itinerary even though I let him look it over and he approved of it....\n\nI just don't know how long I'm supposed to wait for him to be my partner. I don't feel secure. I don't feel important. I do feel he loves me, but it feels like a high school relationship. We don't spend the night together, we rarely have sex. All we do is go out on Saturdays sometimes and eat. He doesn't want to break up or date other people... Whenever I said I'm unhappy, he tells me to relax and that everything is fine...\n\n\nTl:dr how long are you supposed to wait for someone to get their shot together?\n\n\n", "answer": "my rule of thumb is that if someone doesn't know they want you after a year, they never will", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kga6t", "comment_id": "dbnphe7"}, {"question": "Am I overreacting to something that happened to me as a child?", "description": "So I have never told anyone this because at the time he did this to me and my step sister and it seemed normal enough I guess. This went on from about ages 5-8. He used to always sit with or lay with me and have his hand down my pants, under the panties, just sitting there on my butt maybe squeezing a little bit or moving like being rubbed on the back. Sometimes down the front of my pants but  just resting there. Not anything overtly sexual like that. I have been just realizing how fucking weird this is as I've become an aunt and would just never do that to my nibbling because WHY. Why would an adult sit with their hand down a childs pants for hours at a time like whole lengths of movies. That realization of why would a parent ever do that and also finding out that my mum divorced him after finding out his horrible past with women (She did not tell me details of this as I think she didnt want to talk about it with me but it seemed that they were sexual abuses he did overseas.)  I all the sudden am thinking that I was molested as a child but am much too afraid to tell  anyone, even my therapist, out of fear I am being dramatic and should just stay shut up about it. \nMy question is am I overreacting? ", "answer": "you were molested. please talk to your therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68l062", "comment_id": "dgzf2pl"}, {"question": "(20/m) My girlfriend (20/f) can't seem to be honest and open.", "description": "Brief backstory, we're both at uni, met through a mutual friend. Been together since November, actually began dating in February. We're very similar, which means we can both read each other very well to see when something is up, bothering up, hiding something, etc.\n\nRecently, she went home for the weekend. While there she went out one night with a couple girlfriends and some guys. Now most of the time when she's home or goes out, she stops responding to messages as often, understandable because well busy. But this night, one of the guys she was with was a guy that I knew had frequently asked her to \"come cuddle\" \"come get weird\" and other things, but she always ignored them and said he's just a weird friend. Well this night, I woke up from nightmare and decided to call her (it was well into the morning, about 4am so I figured she'd be home and not a big deal). She ignores the call and immediately texts me \"hey what's up? I'm busy and can't talk right now.\" I told her not to worry and said we'll talk later. I thought it was odd but tried not to think much of it. \nNext day, she texts me around noon \"hey sorry I passed out at my gf's house and my parents are just pissed I didn't come home\". Later the next day when we're talking in person the story changes to \"I took my gf home and then tried to get home but lost my key so I went to my other gf's house who was nearby.\" \nWith how weird that felt, and some other stuff that happened in the past, I got on her phone (immature I know), and found messages to that one guy, and some other friends saying how she slept at his place, she kept stealing his blanket all night, etc etc. Next morning I brought it up to her and she gets angry, not that I went through her phone to find it, but that I was making us talk about it. After briefly talking about it, where she tried to lie to me about it (saying \"no I went to my gf's house\" before I told her I went through her phone) and then just kept saying \"I didn't think it was a big deal, but I knew it wouldn't make you happy so I just didn't want to tell you. The real kicker came later when she said she lied about it to me \"because I had given my parents that lie so many times I just believed it was the truth.\" After that, she got mad and we went to class.\n\nLater that day she texted me and began trying to blame me for getting upset, for not trusting her, for bringing it up, for other misc issues we'd had in the past. This continued for a week until the weekend when we talked. tl:dr from that talk ended with us agreeing to work on things and to try and communicate better, but, as she put it, \"You can't have any access to my phone or computer.\"  Now, normally in past relationships I've both never cared to go through someones things like that, and never thought I had a need to. With her I feel like there will be things, like that night, that I will never know about unless I find out by doing something like that (she did agree with me saying that as she said there were somethings that I just didn't need to know.) She did agree, though, that if someone said something to her or someone did something she would tell me. Issue is, I already saw a message come up on her lockscreen from an ex saying \"hey snap me back ;)\"\n\nAt this point I'm trying to allow myself to trust her completely again, but its difficult. Not to mention she went out with friends last night and said it was just the girls, when there are pictures with a guy's arm around her but the guy cropped out (hairy arm with a watch, sorry but not likely a small girl). \n\nWhat do y'all think? In general, am I overreacting and should trust her more? Or is there more to this.\n\ntl;dr girlfriend lied, caught in lie, lied again, got angry that I feel I can't trust her as much as she wants even though she intentionally hides things about other guys from me.", "answer": "Your fears seem very well founded. Sorry duder. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "683lod", "comment_id": "dgvdw5i"}, {"question": "Lost a little faith in humanity today", "description": "I was reading an article on Facebook about how 20 people died of electrocution during a festival in Haiti. \n\nSo one guy comments the US needs to stop supporting those people how dare they have a party with our money?\n\nSo then a guy comments on this guys comment about how we have 20 less to support now so thats a good thing \n\nHe got 20 something likes for that comment. \n\n", "answer": "Never read the comments. The comments are never good for faith in humanity! Try some /r/upliftingnews ?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2wbr3d", "comment_id": "copcrcm"}, {"question": "Had to cancel my birthday party", "description": "my 21st birthday is coming up and since it is so close to Halloween I had the idea to have a Halloween themed pregame/party with friends at my apartment on campus. I was anxious about even creating an event on Facebook and putting myself out there, but even more anxious when another friend received my invite then decided to make her party the same day and same theme, then invited the same friends who said no to mine and yes to hers. So that stung a lot. Then friends from other groups started dropping out....one even claimed she wasn\u2019t coming because \u201cmy party threw a wrench in her plans to go to happy hour\u201d. I had a panic attack, I cancelled the party and Facebook event. My friends are completely unsympathetic. I don\u2019t want to act like a brat, but I have always put so much effort into parties for friends. Just last week I hosted a friends party at my apartment and spent about $100 on decor and food and alcohol. However, when it comes time for my birthday my friends do nothing....last year they didn\u2019t even wake me up for dinner at our sorority house so I didn\u2019t get a birthday meal. I just feel like I put so much effort in for them, but then when I even plan my whole entire party for them they don\u2019t even bother showing up. I have major depression and borderline personality disorder so any small slight or rejection feels like a huge slap in the face. I don\u2019t know what to do. I am sorry for the length of this I just needed to rant and I am so suicidal. If I confront them about this I\u2019m terrified they will call me a brat or be angry with me. Once again sorry for the rant I am so upset", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry! Your friends sound awful. I really hope you have a happy birthday!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dkpxpr", "comment_id": "f4im5e6"}, {"question": "Concerta - 11 months on", "description": "It's been 11 months since I last took a 56mg tablet. Something has been bothering me recently, as I was studying.\n\nI know about the withdrawal symptoms, but this one is starting to get on my nerves. Whilst I was on the tablet, I would wake up drowsy, until I took the tablet.\n\nHere, 11 months on, I still get drowsy, albeit, 30 miinutes to an hour after a good nights sleep. Even a very strong (Instant) coffee doesn't keep me awake. I typically sleep 8 to 9 hours a day. \n\nI need advice, as this is affecting my studying. I cannot study when I'm tired, as I cannot concentrate.\n\nI do have ADHD and ASD. Any advice I would greatly appreciate.", "answer": "It actually sounds like what you're experiencing is fairly normal.  Most people don't jump right out of bed in the morning feeling like they can immediately start studying or doing any kind of complex mental work.  Your brain and body need a little bit of time.  \n\n\nIf you are hurting for time, plan to wake up an hour or so earlier than you normally do.  7 hours of sleep per night is plenty healthy for an adult, especially if your sleep is fairly uninterrupted.  \n\n\nADHD meds do give you some withdrawal symptoms, especially if you take them daily without giving yourself a few days off here and there.  I take Adderall and I absolutely have to take 2 or more days off each week to make sure I don't build a tolerance.  I get mild withdrawal, but I'm only taking 10mg daily.  If I had to up it, I'm sure the withdrawals would be worse.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wkmme", "comment_id": "e1w9e5m"}, {"question": "I (f/23)love my new boyfriend (m/25) (dating 6 months) but still think about my first love (m/25) everyday and wonder if we'll ever be together again.", "description": "I've been dating a great guy for about 6 months.  He is really sweet and fun and it's been the healthiest relationship I've had so far.  Im pretty picky about guys I date and have trouble opening up because of past traumas but so far its been easy to do this with him.  He has bad qualities but who doesn't.  Point is the relationship is going smoothly so far, besides the occasional fights.\n\nMy first love and I were together on and off for six years.  I always thought I would marry him and he thought this too.  A couple months before I met my current boyfriend, my ex said he had to cut off contact to work on himself and we officially broke up then.  During our 6  years together we went through a lot and I admit I was immature and treated him like shit a lot.  He never broke up with me until 8 months ago and this showed he matured a lot.  The problem is I still think about him EVERYDAY.  I fantasize about going to visit him.  Before I met my current bf I still cried everyday over my ex thinking he'd always be the one that got away.  Im so sad still and I don't know what to do.  \n\nI want to be with my current boyfriend but is this unhealthy or unnatural for me to still be missing my ex this much?  Am i just romanticizing something that never was working anyway?\n\nThanks for reading. ", "answer": "i would find a therapist and fully process the past.  otherwise, this or any other future bf will be problematic.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ofomc", "comment_id": "dcizwha"}, {"question": "Should I confront someone about them possibly having depersonalization disorder?", "description": "I have been seeing someone for the past 2 months. Everything has been good, except for one thing that keeps nagging me. This person has told me about their past childhood abuse and trauma. On a few instances, when they have discussed this trauma and past suicidal ideation, they seem to speak like a different person. The wording and spacing changes to something like out of a movie, almost \"cheesy.\" I hate saying that as it sounds like I'm invalidating what they are saying, but when they speak it sounds ingenuine or what they think \"sounds good.\" To me, it seems like they aren't grounded in reality. This person has also stated that they do not feel emotions, although I am not sure what that means. They described a feeling of not being able to believe they were real or existed, based on the idea of consciousness and chemistry (it's hard to explain what they meant). The also have referred to themselves with a different name (i.e. \"The King\", not actually it, but gives you an idea) in the third person, but I realize this may also be a joke. Does this sound like a disorder at all, or am I just overthinking it?\n\nI have a psych. minor, but I am not a licensed counselor. I am conflicted as I feel this creates an ethical issue as 1) I am absolutely not qualified to make a diagnosis and 2) I do not want to cause potential harm or distress to this person or make them question themself. Any advice on approaching this topic with them or not is appreciated.", "answer": "I don't think confrontation will be helpful here.\n\nObviously,  i have no knowledge of the situation and have not observed your friend. I only have this very limited info, which doesn't really describe this person 's overall functioning. Your friend could have several more symptoms not described.\n\n What you described,  though,  sounds more like shallow affect than depersonalization. If this person has little experience discussing painful topics,  they may resort to the detached, \"cheesy\" movie style speech you described. You didn't mention if this person is a man or was raised as a boy , but many men and boys are socialized to not acknowledge emotions besides anger and love,  and discussing emotions can come off as foreign and scripted. It can be really hard for people to identody emotions when they have no experience labeling them.\n\n  Additionally,  depersonalization is pretty connected to having no sense of self , so the grandiose nickname doesn't quite fit. \n\nIn general,  your brief description doesn't fit depersonalization or derealization,  which looks more like a depressive trance and not talking about trauma. It would be unusual for a dissociated person to come up with an elaborate explanation of why they aren't real (chemistry and consciousness), instead of just kind of existing..\n\nOk, so what if your friend DOES depersonalization-derealization disorder? I still don't think it would be helpful to tell them , even if you were qualified to diagnose.  It is typically much more useful to focus on symptoms and distress rather than a diagnosis.  \n\nGentle encouragement to see someone qualified to process traumatic experiences may be helpful. \n\nOf course,  if your friend 's behavior bothers you , you may want to step back from the relationship. Again,  focusing on specific behaviors or issues.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hjuowi", "comment_id": "fwotufs"}, {"question": "How have you overcome trust issues?", "description": "I am in need of some help. I (25f) have an amazing boyfriend (25m) who I've been with for 3 years. We've lived together for about 1.5 years and it goes very well. Honestly I feel I lucked out, I'm very satisfied in our relationship. Many healthy changes have happened in my life since meeting him, and though we're very different we make a great team. \n\nI have what some may call daddy issues. Abandonment issues. To summarize my father moved away when I was 5, and has slowly faded out of my life as I have aged. My mother became terminally I'll when I was 15, and after 5 years of ups and downs passed away. \n\nMy sister and I had a turbulent relationship during this time, trying to balence our responsibilities and social lives. Often she could be manipulative, turning my actions on me. I'm sure I was no saint either but trusting her now is hard, as I worry if I show any weakness it will be used against me in times of stress again. My extended family operates in a similar way, I don't want them to know any troubles I have for fear it will be used against me. \n\nMy partner and I want to buy a house in the coming year. I'm terrified to put my savings on the line in case he splits. I have no idea what he could possibly do to prove he's on my team, it's a problem inside me, I feel. I do go to therapy but my couselor recently left and I've just started with a new one last week. What can I do?", "answer": "\neverything in life has some risk, because the future's unknowable. if you feel this rel. is as solid as solid can be, you either move forward, or live your life  alone.  \n\"between grief and nothing, i will take grief\"  'faulkner", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qoa1u", "comment_id": "dd0tq7l"}, {"question": "Little sister [19f] was raped. My [28f] family handled it in a way I'm uncool with and I need advice on how I should proceed without making it worse for her.", "description": "I just moved home after living across the country for better than a decade (moved away at 17 because of a shitty home life, ironically enough). Both my sisters are home from studying at their respective universities. My littlest one has been more reserved than she usually is, and after inquiring about this to my mom, my mom revealed that she'd been raped 3 months ago by some kid at school.\n\nIt sounds like my sister was unaware for the most part of the circumstances because she passed out at a party (she does drink, but I've never seen her blackout drunk before so I don't know if drugs were involved) and didn't remember anything the next morning. A friend who was there mentioned to her six weeks later (SIX WEEKS LATER, who the hell is this \"friend?\") that she was raped while she was passed out by someone my sister knew. My mom either doesn't know or won't tell me anything beyond that - not if there were more details, not who the fucker was, nothing.\n\nWhen I found out, I was so angry I was shaking. I could have thrown up, exploded at my mom, or killed this fucker all equally easily. I asked my mom what was done. Her response was that it was my sister's choice to go to the police, go to the doctor, or take any action . . . and when I asked again who this person was, she either couldn't or wouldn't tell me.\n\nWhat I'm fairly sure of is that no rape kit was performed, due to the time between her finding out and the event itself (I don't know if this is true or she was ashamed and frightened and didn't want to think about it). She was on birth control so pregnancy is unlikely, which is small comfort. She's also seen a doctor a few times, so I hope she's being tested for STDs (my fear is HIV or hepatitis, both take a while to show up). She won't respond to questions about it according to my mom and adamantly states she isn't ready to talk about it and doesn't want it brought up.\n\nI have never been in a situation where a loved one has been violated this way; it transcends any pain I could feel for myself. I'm still shaking and holding back tears; every time I've seen my sister this morning I've had to hug her hard and resist grabbing her shoulders and demanding to know where this little fucker is so I can go kick the living breathing Christ out of him. The anger and heartbreak I feel is outlandishly huge.\n\nI was sexually assaulted by my former (very verbally abusive, addict) stepfather when I was in my early to mid teens and due to the nature of my mom's partiality towards her husband always being in the right and us kids in the wrong, and the knowledge that she wouldn't believe me, I kept it to myself and ended up going through many major issues later in life, including suicidal tendencies, hyper- and hyposexuality and serious depression. When my mom finally found out this past year (I got drunk and told her via email), she absolutely didn't respond to it at all. She didn't respond for a while, then changed the subject and never addressed it. I was and am baffled and reverted back to absolutely not bringing it up and feeling completely ashamed of it (and since I've been here she hasn't even hinted at it). It's like she deliberately forgot. I found out she asked my ex, the only other person who knew, if I was lying much later, and he verified that not only was I telling the truth, but he'd witnessed some verbal and physical abuse himself. There was never any question about \"what happened,\" or \"are you okay,\" or even \"were you hurt\" . . . weirdest of all, absolutely NO anger or accountability directed towards my ex stepdad at all, and I'm willing to bet that she'll never bring it up to him and he'll have gotten away with it. It is a truly shitty feeling, and I'm terrified that the way things went down in reality with my sister was more along the lines of what I experienced the past 13 or 14 years culminating with the last few months and the knowledge that she absolutely didn't care and held no animosity towards the perpetrator - indeed, even thought I was lying, just as I feared as a teenager. I cannot, I CANNOT live with the idea that my sister, who is the gentlest, sweetest and funniest lighthearted girl ever, is going to go through the same bullshit I did because a major trauma wasn't handled properly and was compounded by my mom.\n\nI feel that I should give some background on my mom so that my concern over this situation will make a little more sense. I love her very much and she has many good qualities, and she loves us all fiercely in her own way, but she has some problems that have persisted throughout our childhood. Namely, her first concern has always been herself, followed closely by the men in her life. Being attractive, being in a relationship and being a hypersexualized female that attracts male attention has always been primary for her, and it rubbed off on all three of us, mostly my youngest sister and I. Both of us have a tendency to dress a certain way, take great pains to maintain our attractiveness and our male suitors (often at the expense of others we care for) and thrive on physically based compliments, which I know now as I get older is directly related to my mom and unhealthy to focus on over everything else. Furthermore, she divorced my dad when I was 9, my other sister was 4 and my youngest was scarcely born; she moved us across the country, effectively ending our relationship with him, and none of us, especially my youngest sister, have ever been able to manage a decent relationship with our dad because of the distance and the simple fact that we never had a chance to really know him after we moved. Before the divorce was finalized, my mom had started seeing a much younger guy (he was 21 at the time) and made all three of us promise not to tell our dad. The guy became our stepdad after a very traumatic dating period during which we were seeing our mom being physically affectionate with a man who wasn't our dad for the first time, without a word of explanation and with the constant reassurance by her that they were still married and we'd be going back home soon. She would leave for days on trips with him, went to other states and left us with relatives, became totally engrossed in shunting us to the side so she could spend time with this guy. He expressed intense dislike for us all quickly, refused to tell us he loved us at all during their 14 year marriage unless forced, and told my mom he \"wanted kids\" so she got pregnant with my two beloved twin brothers (we girls have been hopelessly in love with them from the first, they're the only good thing to come from that situation and I wouldn't give them up for anything). Our stepdad was outwardly verbally abusive from the first, often in front of my mom who ignored it, chided him gently as if it were a joke, and sharply reprimanded us if we bucked up and told him to leave us alone. My youngest sister was always his least favorite (he was the only father she'd ever known, making it that much worse). Those were the worst years of my life, compounded by the sexual stuff and what eventually devolved into physical abuse when my mom wasn't around, made 100% worse by my mom, our only parent, very openly siding with him and blaming us for whatever abuse he was delivering. Promptly when I was 17, immediately after graduating high school, I packed what I could and moved as far away as I could get in the continental USA. By the time I came back to visit, years later, it had come out that my stepdad was addicted to cocaine and pills, had set up a porn shrine in our garage which featured my middle sister's underwear (she was between 10 and 12 when this happened, and no, no charges were ever brought by my mom - in fact she didn't tell anyone and I found out by mistake, and I have never been able to bring myself to ask either of my sisters if more sexual abuse happened after I left because I would feel totally responsible for not having been there to protect them). They divorced and that was that. That's how our childhood was; we effectively were brought up without male influence and it hasn't helped.\n\nThe cherry on the pie this morning was when I angrily told my mom that there were bound to be other girls who are raped by the same guy that hurt my sister; her response was essentially it wasn't her problem. She mentioned that my sister shouldn't have gotten drunk and it was her own fault for the event, and this is where I lost my remaining shit because in my opinion, rape.... is NEVER, EVER... EVER... the victim's fault AT ALL. But my mom feels differently - her words, to paraphrase, were, \"well, if you're getting blackout drunk what do you expect to happen?\"\n\nI understand that blackout drunk is a bad situation for most people; however, there is a very large possibility that my sister was drugged, which would explain the blackout and the memory loss. But regardless, I don't think that a young woman who is essentially still a child should be trying to censor her own behaviors in order to not . . . what? Attract a rapist? Be partially responsible for one? This was 100% ABSOLUTELY the rapist's fault, and 0% my sister's, and this is the same mindset that comes when you hear people saying that a woman having revealing clothes invite a rape or assault and that it's partially your fault. Victim blaming, in other words. Even retyping this makes me furious. It drags up my own history and reminds me that my mom would probably have blamed me for inciting her husband's sexual advances, regardless of my age - would have probably reacted with jealousy and resentment instead of seeing what happened for what it was - a crime against my humanity and my body. What happened to my sister was a crime, a heinous crime, and nothing has been done, except for my mother decreeing - probably to my sister too - that some part of what happened to her was by her own hand. This infuriates me because I'm not even supposed to know about this, and I feel that bringing it up to her is a further violation of her privacy which she needs little at this point.\n\nHow do I proceed? Do I let her deal with it and allow her to come to me? How can I exact some justice on this fuckhead that did this for my sister?\n\nTL;DR: Sister was raped at college months ago, nothing was done by either my sister or my mom who knew, and there is victim blaming involved which I don't know how to help with without revealing that I know what happened. No idea how to proceed but feel absolutely helpless sitting around with my thumb up my ass pretending I don't want to kill the fucker that did this.", "answer": "get her professional help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kjz5g", "comment_id": "dbojbrg"}, {"question": "Do you think improv classes could improve social skills.", "description": "This morning I was thinking whether or not improv classes could improve social skills as it can take you out of your comfort zone and make you more open and social. I have never done improv before so I am not able to judge how beneficial it is but maybe some of you who have taken improv could comment on its effect. Thank you. ", "answer": "Yes, improv is a great class for improving social skills. It's one of the [three hobbies](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/hobbies-that-teach-social-skills) I recommend for people to learn social skills :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1c0dnk", "comment_id": "c9c2fyv"}, {"question": "Has anyone been in a psychiatric hospital?", "description": "What's it like? What are some stories? Either voluntarily or non-voluntarily. I was thinking of voluntarily checking myself in because I've been way too depressed because I'm not going to school and meeting kids and having friends like a normal person would have. I'm painfully shy and it's so hard for me to make friends that it makes me have soul crushing depression. I had no suicide attempts before, but I was thinking of taking a bunch of Klonopin.  I sleep most of the day since I'm at my parent's house not going to school. Finding a job is unlikely, too. I recently threw away my trees away and my parents don't know about that. It will probably still show up on a drug test so I can't get a job if they test. My mom is going to call my psychiatrist and ask him what he thinks of me being hospitalized and also ask him why he diagnosed me with Bipolar. I really don't get mad! I'm mellow and sad most of the time.\n\nI've read on some AMAs that nurses give you your medication and you go to group therapy sessions. Is that correct? What do you do for the rest of the day? I've heard strict places in the US, you're not allowed to have your laptop, cell phone, iPod, or electronics. WTF, that's my entire life! Damn, I don't know what to do with my life. ", "answer": "I current work at one as a therapist-intern (still do all the therapy and  work- just get paid a lot less till I get my graduate degree in July :p )\n\nPM me if you have any specific concerns or questions that I can help you answer ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tsxaa", "comment_id": "c4pzc21"}, {"question": "Gf [21f]wants open relationship i dont. [23m]", "description": "So ot all started with her wanting me to hook up with other people. She said she would stay loyal and i just need to get perspective. Weve been dating for about 3 years now. I didnt want to but i made a tinder and thouhht wth if i actuallt get a match and things get rolling she will just ask me to stop. Anyways recentlt ahe told me she needs a open relationship. She did so in tears realizing id never go for it since im the jealous type ans i like monogomy. We talk for hours me trying to think of ways she can get the kink on without actually having sex with random dudes. It gets no where. Im still confused since im great in bed and i do everything for her pleasure. Fed up i suggested we break up. (Im in love with her but if we both want different things it wont work so why torture myself more). She really doesnt want to. Says im the guy she shes herself with for the rest of her life.(she knows if we break up i cut her off completely and we dont talk). I told her firmly breaks dont work and i cant deal with this kind of arrangement. She insists this could work out but im being stuborn. Idk what to do. She says shes ina. Weird time in her life snd she feels she needs to live a little. She knows i wont wait around and she doesnt want to break it off. Also most importantly she would never cheat. When we first dated i used to be jealous and suggest thst mabye she did. She got really mad i know for a fact she has been loyal this whole time. And at the end of our convo i said u want tk stay together fine but that doesnt mean we should have a open relationship and i dont want her fucking other guys behind my back. She said she didnt want to give me the satisifaction of being right, and she would stay loyal till the end. (She is also stubborn so when she says this i bel eive her.) Anyone have this i want to be in a open relationship phase ger out of it. She really doesnt want to through away a good relationship and regret it later. How can i convince her this is something that can change and isnt just a part of who she is. She says shes thought about this for a couple months. Now shes convinced its who she is. But how can it be who she is if she is thst beat up about it. She cried all day snd told me she wishes she csn change this. Idk what to do. We are two uniquely compatible people. We both weird in ways that compliment each lthere so well. We both know we wont find anyone else that can resonnant as much. I dont want to end things either. I feel like anyone else would just be a match at best, it wouldnt feel lile soulmates.im lost scared and close to just giving up. Any advice would help especially from people in open or has tried open relationships. Thanks \n", "answer": "it  rarely works and mostly blows up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71vn5p", "comment_id": "dne6slj"}, {"question": "Anxiety med makes me have fewer suicide thoughts. Does this mean I'm becoming addicted?", "description": "I tried a few antidepressants in the past, but stopped taking them due to fear of side effects. It took me months to bring up the courage to see a psychiatrist and try another of the meds he suggested (pregabalin). It's been two weeks and I had very few suicide thoughts, which is very unusual for me. It might be placebo, but a friend mentioned that people can get addicted.\n\nWell, I don't want this to happen. Mostly because I don't want people to think that I'm an addict. I don't know what's the right thing to do now. I feel like I'm being judged for getting off medication *again* and being non-compliant, but I'm also being judged for taking medication. Of course I'm also scared of withdrawals. I know it's not a benzo, but still. Life is a huge pile of crap.", "answer": "While I'm not quick to have my clients jump on the medication train, truth is some people absolutely need medication to be their best selves.  A lot of people aren't so lucky as to have their brain function completely optimally and produce the right amount of chemicals to stay balanced.  That's what medication is for.  We don't (hopefully nobody does) judge and look negatively upon a diabetic for taking insulin.  \n\nThe medication you're on is generally not one we would consider addictive like a benzo.  \n\nIt sounds like you've gotten so comfortable being uncomfortable that you don't know how to deal with things now that you don't have the same high level of anxiety.  Give it some time.  Continue with therapy or seek it if you have only been getting med management.  \n\nAt the end of the day you have to decide what you want for yourself.  Is it more important for you to be happy and functional, or be miserable and be able to tell people that you don't need medication?\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7yw866", "comment_id": "dujwgqg"}, {"question": "OCD or something else?", "description": "Ever since getting drugged while out for a night with my friends I worry about what happens when I'm drunk, even when I remember all interactions. I am still paranoid that 'something' happened or that I \"hooked up\" with some random dude, etc. I know logically that it's just paranoia, but it's super hard to put a stop to. My main paranoid is that I cheat on my boyfriend or something crazy - is this OCD or something else??? is this normal? Thanks ", "answer": "Its not OCD, it's not even paranoia, its genuine anxiety which seems reasonable given your recent circumstances and concerns.\n\nIf its persisting - try www.moodgym.org (free computerised CBT).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zyp9k", "comment_id": "d6zun3g"}, {"question": "Buspar", "description": "Buspar for anxiety, I am currently a graduating college student with severe anxiety and was recommended Buspar. Would this help?", "answer": "My experience with it so far has been positive.  Every persons reaction is different but it\u2019s worth a shot to try.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bg8eue", "comment_id": "elj3l4b"}, {"question": "He wouldn't commit to me, and I called it quits.. did I do the right thing?", "description": "     I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. We've been on a few dates and we talk and text all the time. I thought we got along really well and he constantly reminded me how much he liked me and how well he thought we were going, how he hadn't liked a girl in this way for a long time. I thought we were pretty compatible and I liked him a lot as well. Last night we were texting as normal, but then he asked me, \"since you know I don't want a relationship, what are you getting out of this?\" The question surprised me because although he had dropped hints about not wanting a relationship, I guess I always thought that with time he might give it a chance. he went on to explain that he felt a lot of pressure in relationships and he didn't want to lose me in a bad break up because he \"wanted to be with me for a long long time\" and that a \"relationship wouldn't last.\" I ended up just telling him the truth that I thought we should end this right now and I haven't texted him since. \n     I'm really sad because I really did like him, but I feel used and almost insulted that he couldn't imagine ever becoming official with me, even with how much he talked about us in the future. I don't understand his logic because we're as good as \"broken up\" right now and we most likely won't stay friends, so what's the difference? Although it was hard for me to end things, I just didnt want to stay in a \"friends with benefits\" type situation (even though he insisted that wasn't the case). Did I do the right thing? \n", "answer": "yes. i wish more people would do that instead of hanging around with non -committal losers for years. Of course, then I'd need to find a different job than being a therapist because i'd have no more clients!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6h85om", "comment_id": "diw8qkl"}, {"question": "Should I (27/F) end my 4-year relationship with my bum boyfriend (26/M)? Stays out at least once a week until the following day ...", "description": "We live together. He always pays his half of rent late, causing me to suffer in the debt as well, with late payments. He says he has no money to cover bills so I end up covering them with him promising to pay me back but he never does. He works two parttime jobs and is a college dropout, always promising to go back to school or find a better fulltime job, etc., but he doesn't seem to make an effort. He takes me out once a week to see a movie or something but every other free night he gets he spends it with his drug addict musician friends and he doesn't come home till 8 AM. (Last night he left the house at 4 PM and said he'd be back by 8 PM, then 11 PM, then around 2 AM, then I didn't hear from him until 4:30 AM when he texted to say he was sleeping at his guy friend's house ... I texted him at 5 AM asking why, he didn't reply. I couldn't sleep so I called him minutes later, no reply. I called him at 8 AM, no reply. Then he called me at 10 AM saying he just woke up and his phone was on silent, and that he was going straight to work from his friends. When I tried to tell him this is unacceptable behavior to do ONCE A WEEK for the past few months, he told me he would hang up the phone on me. I don't understand why he had to sleep there ??? when we share an apartment and he's come home at hours later than that so I don't know how to believe that 4 AM would've been to late to come home. I'm so upset. I can't even talk about this with him because he won't listen and just hangs up on me or leaves again to punish me for being upset.) I went to an Ivy League school and I have a master's degree. I fell in love with him when I was really young. He is my best friend, and I love him like family, but I am tired of carrying him as my burden but also too afraid? or sad? to leave him behind. My career is suffering because of the stress but also because of the unequal financial strain that gets put on me by having to cover for random little things too that also add up.\n\nI want to cut our apt. lease early and just leave suddenly, giving him three weeks notice. This is my dream. I fantasize about it everyday, the freedom. I'm so sick of this life - I know I could make a much better life for myself and I feel like I am taking care of a manchild. Yes, when we were younger it was different, but now I see things differently. Still, I feel like an evil person for having these thoughts. But I am afraid if I tell him well in advance of my plans it'll be hell for the next two months leading up to that moment and also maybe he'd try to win me over with more promises and knowing my track record it would probably work, as it has countless times. I feel stuck.\n\nI do love him and I care for him, but I'm just unhappy. I worked so hard to get where I am and now I feel like I'm suffering together with him. He lacks ambition and he seems content with his two shitty parttime jobs that barely even make his half of the ends meet.\n\nWhat do I do?", "answer": "yes. he's a bum", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71bwfd", "comment_id": "dn9l53s"}, {"question": "Talking to doc about schizophrenia? (x-post from /r/schizophrenia)", "description": "Long post warning, please read (not looking for a diagnosis)\n\nI'm (21/m) closing in on a year of debilitating mental health issues, as in cannot function. There have been signs of issues since early childhood, but as much as they were a pain (and in full swing now), they were liveable.\n\nI've been dealing with doctors ever since this started, really, give or take a couple months. I do love counseling and think it's important; however, I also think we go in there with an idea of our disorder and what counseling is supposed to be, and that can paint our answers and ultimately, our diagnosis, which unofficially at this point is major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.\n\nBut something made me question this past week. I was talking to a friend, and I spoke about the voices being bad the previous evening. I don't think I've ever had auditory hallucinations, but delusion, as defined by my brief research (Delusions are false beliefs or misinterpretations of events & their significance. For instance, a person may get accidentally bumped in the subway & may conclude that this is a Government plot to harass him), I absolutely have. One noise in the night can send me into a spiral of imagining such horrid scenarios, from the basic gunman breaking in to a demon busting into my room and myself screaming.\n\nI've controlled these to an extent, but they are still there, and medications (a variety) don't seem to really work, outside of a benzo on a case-by-case basis (and if it's a bad evening, even these don't help)\n\nNot only is the above true, but I don't actively have depressive symptoms during these events (though I certainly do the next day), I experience catatonic behavior (either going completely rigid or doing a same set of physical things over and over and over), and I've definitely struggled socially and professionally (I actively avoid social encounters when things are bad)\n\nI don't want to diagnose myself, but I also know that while doctors and shrinks are trained professionals, mental issues are very tricky, and I ultimately know what's going on inside my head.\n\nHow do I bring this up? I'm not searching for medication or anything; I just genuinely want to be better, and the various drugs I've tried to improve things...haven't improved them.\n", "answer": "If you are in counseling- any counselor worth his or her salt would be able to recognize Schizophrenia in you. However, if you sincerely believe that this is the case, you ought to discuss this with your counselor or ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. \n\nAs far as delusions go- they are much more than simply false beliefs. They are fixed false beliefs that, in the mind of the deluded, are impossible to falsify. If you were actively psychotic- you would not recognize that you had delusions. Quite frankly, what you described seems more consistent with extreme anxiety.\n\nEither way, talk about it with your professional mental healthcare provider and/or ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gza58", "comment_id": "capsqvk"}, {"question": "Experiancing odd synptoms, not sure what these could be", "description": "So about two weeks ago I was lying on the couch and I started hallucinating (I believe) the smell of something sweet (like cake). I became very anxious (I've been diagnosed with anxiety). Since then, I've felt lightheaded/spaced out several times a day (along with a mild headache). I have a weird feeling when looking at my arms and legs and feeling disconnected from them at times. I've become increasingly anxious worrying this is a sign of early psycosis (one of my worst fears) and have been paranoid at every odd event thinking I'm losing my mind (such as someone being sick without my knowledge and having a deeper voice due to it). I understand this is Reddit, but I don't have money to see a therapist (I'm a senior in High School), especially if this seems normal and not serious.", "answer": "Honestly we don\u2019t have enough information to help you here...some of your symptoms could be something very physiological and not psychological. Can you tell us *why* you are so fearful of psychosis? Is there a family history or have you had significant contact with someone who was psychotic?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bs9urz", "comment_id": "eol35zr"}, {"question": "How to jumpstart stomach in the morning without coffee", "description": "Male, 20, 145 lbs.\n\nI've been relying on black coffee to crap in the mornings, but I don't want to increqse my caffeine tolerance or even relt on caffeine. Any healthier zero calories alternatives?", "answer": "Black coffee has very few calories and is not unhealthy. There are lots of studies on coffee consumption, and while none to my knowledge are the gold standard randomized, controlled, double-blind study (because that's pretty hard to do with food and drink), the studies largely come down on the side of coffee being safe and possibly slightly reducing your risk of a few diseases.\n\nIf you're concerned about caffeine then your options for things to drink are pretty much water, non-caffeinated teas, or decaf coffee or tea (both of which have a little bit of caffeine but much less.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91hxab", "comment_id": "e2y3p0p"}, {"question": "I've got the perfect relationship but I want to have sex with other women [M28]", "description": "Here we go!\n\nTo start of I feel like I'm blessed with the most amazing fianc\u00e9 (4years) and relationship. We do love eachother to the worlds end and we do \"function\" really well together. We are not living together yet as we are waiting for our new house to be built. We travel frequently and we both have good health and employment.\n\nMy fianc\u00e9 is gorgeous, Adriana Lima gorgeous. She is goofy and educated and has a really soft heart for her close ones. We have a good and active sex-life. \n\nEvery relationship has its problems but basically she is everything I ever dreamt of and more!\n\nSo there must be something wrong with me seeking to amuse myself with other methods and girls.\n\nI cant explain why, but I have the need to gett \"off\". If I dont masturbate or have sex alot then my feelings of wanting to have sex with other girls get more extreme. Its not normal I think and to be honest I dont want to have these feelings because I feel like I want to be morally fair and faithfull to her.\n\nIts pure physical attraction and lust that I feel. I feel no need to be loved or to connect with anyone else. Hence why I rather go with a luxury prostitute rather than someone unprofessional. \n\nWhen I'm with my so I never feel the above, but as soon as I'm not busy or I'm business traveling the urge intensifies.\n\nTo this day I have never cheated (if you dont count masturbation to porn as cheating).\n\nI can get away with having sex with other woman to please my urge but Im confused if I really want to. The \"consequences\" will be me facing my moral self everyday and every time I look in to her eyes. At the same time I know that I'm very good at separating things in my mind and have a separate \"box\" for my cheating.\n\nI have been looking at professional girls to turn to with huge excitement(almost never as attractive as my fianc\u00e9 but just different). But as soon as I get off I'm almost regretting even having the slightest tought. I feel proud that I'm faithfull but I'm struggeling.\n\nI have friends going through the same thing (maybe not as extreme).\n\nI really feel like I'm a subject of the cooldige effect but I dont want to blame it on that. \nhttps://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect\n\nPlease help!\n\nTldr\nHave the best relationship and fianc\u00e9 ever, but still have the urge to have sex/receive pleassure from other women.", "answer": "then you're not ready for a committed monogamous relationship. unless you're both polyamorous, you have to choose between one lifestyle or another", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pblej", "comment_id": "dcpxdwe"}, {"question": "Blame Game", "description": "Hello all,\n\n​\n\nI'm not super sure this is the correct question for this sub, but i'm sure you all have great advice on what i can do... \n\nI just got out of my first long term relationship. It ended because i would redirect blame towards my GF when she would call me out for something. \n\nI try to be the nicest person I can be, when she told me I did this, I wash shocked, I honestly believed that when i did this, we were just discussing issues that came up. I would never want to hurt someone I love so much.\n\nAs much as I wanted to keep dating, and immediately fix my issue, she stated that this is something I need to work on alone, and we broke up. \n\nwhat guidance do you have to help me understand how to not direct blame, but still discuss issues?", "answer": "Effective listening and observing is essential when communicating and especially so with the person you are dating. A big chunk of our communication is NON verbal. It\u2019s in the body language or tone of speech. Is the other person looking down, mumbling, hugging themselves? This might indicate discomfort, fear, feeling unsafe. \n\nNoting your own nonverbal communication can help you understand how she might perceive the communication. If there is no eye contact, nodding while the other is  speaking, or frequent checking of the cell phone, the other person might interpret it as you do not care. \n\nCommunication is ideally two-way. You listen and receive the information she is sending you. You interpret, consider being in her shoes, then respond, with a goal in mind.\n\nIs the goal reconciling the argument and understanding eachother more? Or winning the argument without understanding eachother? \n\nBlaming others is a defense mechanism. To overcome it, taking responsibility for your wrongs and accountability can go along way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bdpmsa", "comment_id": "el012b5"}, {"question": "Questions about \"Status Epilepticus\" after intentional cocaine overdose in 35 yr. old diabetic male:", "description": "35 yr old white male, cigarette smoker, type 1 diabetic since 19 yrs. old. History of several episodes of ketoacidosis. 5 ft. 5in. tall, 140 Lbs. Theraputic doses of Xanax and Norco. History of drug abuse. Prefers opiates and cocaine. He knows his limits. His nurse said \"Huge amount of cocaine in his system\", and that it was so much that \"We think he overdosed on purpose.\"\n\nOn Thursday, July 5th, he was found down in bushes having a seizure, bystander called 911. No one knows how long he was down before paramedics arrived. ER doctors could only stop the seizures with anticonvulsants. He was intubated and has been on a ventilator since then, and moved to the neuro. ICU. He has been held in a medical coma to prevent seizures. Anticonvulsants are lowering his blood pressure too far, so they have been removed a couple of times; however, seizures return when they are removed, so he has been returned to them. His blood sugar level has been held steady at or near 150.\n\nA 24 hr. EEG shows normal brain activity. His team of doctors plan to remove anticonvulsants and the ventilator on Monday, July 9th \"to see what happens\". No MRI can be done until he is removed from the EEG. \n\nNow my questions: What is the usual outcome from cocaine toxicity? How is the ventilator affecting his lungs and brain? If he comes out of this, is it likely he will have brain damage? If he doesn't come out of this, what is a reasonable amount of time to keep him on the machines? Will his organs be viable for donation if he is on the ventilator until Friday, June 14th? (As a family we are on the fence about giving him until then to come out of this,) We understand he was trying to commit suicide, and we want him to come out of this, but we want him to be the same person he was, with the same quality of life he had. If that isn't likely then we want to let him go, but we aren't getting answers to the questions we have.\n\nThank you for your time.", "answer": "Cocaine can lower seizure threshold (increase the chance of seizure), but that's not one of its main or classic toxicities. Death from cocaine overdose is usually from heart attack, arrhythmia, or hyperthermia, seizure-related, so this is a strange clinical picture if cocaine was the only drug involved. If he were taking more benzos than prescribed and then stopped suddenly he could have seizures, but those would usually resolve with giving benzos, which I assume were given as standard status epilepticus treatment.\n\nThe use of a ventilator is to provide sufficient oxygen. If used wrong it can damage lungs, but usually it doesn't cause any lasting damage. Whether he has brain damage depends on how long he wasn't breathing and what was going on with the seizures; there's no way to know. But if his EEG looks normal that's a good sign.\n\nThere's no right answer for how long to give him on the ventilator. That depends on the clinical situation and your own feelings and decision making. It's a very hard, sad situation. In general, you can be on a vent for a very long time and organs will be just fine, so there's no rush if you're considering donation. But I think that's premature; you still need to know what happens when weaned off the meds and vent.\n\nThis is a very tragic situation for you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Your questions are many that can best be answered by the medical team involved, but in fact many probably don't have answers yet. Everyone is hoping that he'll wake up and be fine, but there's no way to know that until it's tried. I hope it goes well.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8wvkoy", "comment_id": "e1zc960"}, {"question": "Taking paracetamol and sodium ascorbate together", "description": "M 19\n\n\nI take 550 mg of sodium ascorbate twice a day. Will taking a 500 mg paracetamol tablet every 4 hours be bad for me?", "answer": "No, paracetamol and vitamin C don't have any dangerous interaction.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gct6h", "comment_id": "dyandvi"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. Im 5 weeks. It is getting easier and easier. I went for dinner last night with family and while i had a few urges to drink they passed quickly, and it was overall v enjoyable. How many days are you? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "e01kipp"}, {"question": "Losing the will to live... please please help", "description": "I'm writing this here because I don't know what else to do.... this is a long story so skim do whatever you can to get to the the end as a i really need help.. my partner suggested I do this as we listen to scary stories and other bit's of reddit.. I don't actually use reddit myself so I'm a new user hoping I'm posting in the right place.. \n\nI want to explain everything fully to rule everything out... I have IBS have done since I was around 15 now 24 which is well managed.. well as well as one can manage the dreaded syndrome.. I also have asthma which I've had since birth and take inhalers for... well controlled haven't had an attack in a couple years and I've had so many of them I know what they're like..\n\nAnd more to the point I was diagnosed with endometriosis last September.. i had an operation they found areas of excess tissue and it was lasered away. After the operation I got an infection which prolonged recovery.. i lost my job and everything went to hell for a while whilst I recovered but things got better again I went back to work etc..\n\nMy gyno started me on a treatment of tablets once I fully recovered (can't remember name sorry) which coupled with synaex a hormone nasal spray I took them together for a short term hormone treatment... I started experiencing hot flashes and a feeling of elevated heart rate so they took me off those medications and prescribed me microgynon (30?) A contraceptive which I was purely using for hormone treatment, I was asked by my gyno to take them back to back 3 courses before a break not like the normal one slip one week break then back on the mm his again was for hormone purposes I'd also like to note they'd tried other contraceptive treatments which have never worked or I've had a bad reaction to.. in fact I've had all of the contraceptives except the injection in the ass... ANYWAY I didn't start taking them immediately it was around 4-5 months after.. i had this break purely because I wasn't experiencing any endo pain.. I take a lot of medication on the whole and didn't want to take it unnecessarily but eventually i started experiencing my monthly pain again which becomes quite strong leaving me unable to work and lead my normal routine even though the pain only lasts for 1-2days at most it can be very uncomfortable as is for a lot of women so I decided it was time to start treatment again...\n\nAround a few days in maybe a week i started experiencing low libido tender areas mood swings headaches tiredness.. all common side affects to the pill pretty much ticked... I treated this as quite normal.. hormone tablets are tricky and can take a while to adjust to so i put it down to this and wanted to persevere through so I didnt consult a doctor.. mainly because I had my 6 monthly check up approaching anyway so thought id wait to discuss with my specialist gyno if the problems persisted..\n\nHOWEVER... a few days after the side affects started they stopped abruptly.. great right?! NO NO NO NO\n\nOne morning around 5am I awake with severe stomach discomfort.. this is quite normal due to my IBS which is noted above.. I went to the toilet to do my thing and as I'm there I get a wave of extreme heat from the top of my head to the tip of my toes resulting in immediate sweating... I went back to the bedroom and sat on my bed when I started get heart palpatations.. this gave me pins and needles probably from the blood rushing everywhere.. I felt sick dizzy and felt a constant need to go to the toilet and release my bowels.. mainly because the fluttering in my heart was sending a horrible butterfly like sensation to my stomach.. like when your scared or nervous about something... in turn sending pains and discomfort feeling all the way down to my bum...\n\nThis was unbearable and within a few hours I called 111  (non emergency medical no for us in UK) they asked lots of questions and suggested to send an ambulance.. which I agreed..\n\nThe ambulance arrives.. i actually knew the paramedic which was a stroke of luck.. he was really helpful hooked me up with wires everywhere to an ECG machine to monitor my heart.. he took my pulse blood pressure did a prick on the finger for blood sugar and took my temperature.. everything was fine except my temperature was slightly elevated at 37.7 but nothing out the normal.. he suggested I go to urgent care up the hospital... like A&E or ER but more relaxed with rooms to see nurses and doctors for non emergency medical care as he was unable to diagnose what was going on and my doctors were booked so I couldn't see them.. so I went to urgent care as suggested..\n\nThe nurse I saw was unable to figure out what was wrong.. she reckoned whatever was wrong was presenting as anxiety like symptoms.. I was very tired and crying (terrified I was dieing) so she prescribed 5mg diazapam tablets to help me relax.. \n\nThey didn't help me relax.. they made me feel slightly drowsy. . Enough to fall asleep but did nothing for the palpatations fluttery stomach feelings sweats and sickness..\n\nAround 5 days in I hadn't eaten anything.. only drank water non stop uo to this ppint and the only relief I had was the broken sleep I got from taking a 5mg diazapam tablet.. please note I am well aware of the addictive affects of diazapam and only take it when I absolutely have to because I physically cannot sleep at times otherwise.. I never take them during the day to try and 'help' as I don't think they help they can cause more harm than good.. \n\nAnyways so 5 days in.. little sleep no food.. my mind going over every possibility for death and admitted suicidal thoughts because I'd had enough... I'm crying and have no energy to move I go back to the doctors who actually send me up to A&E (ER) this time.. they take me in do blood tests blood culture's and urine tests... after 12hrs of waiting (they gave me no medication to help being there actually making me feel worse) the doctor came to see me.. advised there's no clot on the lung which they were suspecting and all tests were negative.. clear whatever way you want to put it.. the doctor put it down to a reaction to the microgynon and said there is no antidote tablet so I had to wait for it to get out my system.. I go home for rest.. no medical treatment was given to me what so ever in the time I was there and gave me nothing to take home so still wanting to die..\n\n2 days later I saw my scheduled specialist gyno appointment at hospital that I mentioned above I explained everything to them and they concluded the same as the doctor.. a reaction to the microgynon although they did no extra tests at that appointment so they could only go off what I said I guess.. anyway 2 days later I go back to a gradual normal.. thinking the doctors must have been right about the reaction to the tablets as life was back to normal...\n\n5 DAYS LATER... (sorry for this next statement) me and my partner were having sex.. it felt a little but uncomfortable which does ocassionally happen due to my endo but after we finished I got immediate very intense stabbing pains along the bottom of my stomach followed by.. yep you guessed it.. all the palpation stomach flutter sweats and dizzyness that I'd had previously and it hasn't stopped since then (Sunday night)... \n\nToday is day 4.. and this is how every day this week has gone.. I wake around 6-6.30 either randomly or because my partners work alarm goes off.. I'm immediately greeted with stomach pain all over not in one area along with the palpitations and dizzyness (butterfly's not appearing at this point probably due to pain instead).. I go to the toilet what happens there vary's depending on if I was able to stomach food the day before.. either way it results in an uncomftable visit every time.. I go back to bed.. I then spend the next hour or so fighting the palpatations trying to monitor my breathing.. and the urge to be sick even tho I know I have nothing to be sick most of the time the sweats and the butterflys in my stomach have joined back in at this point.. sometimes I'm able to go back into a very light and broken sleep after a while other times I'm then awake.. if I do go back to sleep I wake up probably every 10 minute's and I sleep a max a couple extra hours but anything helps..\n\nSometimes around lunchtime or late afternoon everything starts to relax the symptoms die down and I can get up and go downstairs.. I'm not completely back to normal i can still feel it but it's not as heavy if that makes sense? I can move around have discussions with my partner watch TV comftabley and start to get an appetite back.. however as quick as the symptoms can subside they can come back.. I've tried to take note of what happens when they come back what I'm doing etc. But I'm not doing anything abnormal just watching the TV or playing a computer game.. they usually come back mid evening or late evening so I don't know what is causing this.. but I generally have to go back to my bed when it starts all over again.. \n\nI understand from the symptoms it seems like anxiety or panic attacks but I am a very confident person.. up until a couple of weeks a go I led a very happy life.. I'm getting married next year I don't have depression or much stress in my life.. I don't have children and lead a relaxed lifestyle.. even exercising ocassionally.. i swim a few times a month.. I've never been a particullarly anxious person if you came up to me on the street I'd talk to you about anything until the cows came home im a happy loud extrovert person but the symptoms I've had over the last week's have made me very withdrawn from everything and everyone.. I don't talk a lot mainly because I'm focusing so hard on not feeling like dieing I have no room for anything else and the thoughts I have are sometimes irrational.. eg my partners going to leave me because I'm ill all the time or on the flip side I'm going to die before we ever get married because somethings wrong which they haven't discovered and I'm slowly dieing.. believe me I understand the thoughts are stupid and the emotions I'm feeling are because I'm tired and probably hormonal.. I've tried breathing techniques.. I have asthma so I'm well aware of deep breathing techniques etc.. I know my heart isnt beating too fast but I don't know why it feels like it is...\n\nAnyways to be in a state of constant anxiety for days and weeks at a time is killing me.. doctors ask do you feel anxious or panicked.. my answer.. not until this all started happening.. the longer this goes on the more it's crushing my soul...\n\nSo please. .. please.. if you managed to read through all the bable above and you've ever experienced.. know or have any advice for what I'm going through I'd LOVE to hear it.... similarly if there is anything I haven't answered or you have a question ask away I will do my best to muster the energy to respond when I can..\n\nI have a doctors appointment this afternoon but I don't hold much hope.. \n\nPlease help me...\n\nThanks\n\nA very ill young lady", "answer": "UK psychiatrist here.\n\nAny update from your appointment today?\n\nI genuinely feel for you, it sounds horrendous. I'm male, and im not even going to try to pretend to know what it's like, but some of my patients have had similar physical health problems and at times its been a bugger to sort out. I do think women get poorer care for these things too (which I notice has been in UK media lately).\n\nI can't really give you much advice on the physical health side of things, but it's completely normal to have dark/suicidal thoughts when you go through something like this, and it's reflective of the level of distress you are under. You don't need to drag yourself to a psychologist (how American), just make sure you have good emotional support from partner/friends/family. Obviously if these thoughts are getting to a stage where you feel out of control with them or feel like acting on them, then get medical help in any way feasible. Ultimately it's treating the underlying cause that will make those thoughts go away, but if you notice other changes like persistently low energy levels or lack of interest in enjoyable activities, then talking therapies or antidepressants may become relevant.\n\nI hope you get some resolution to this, sooner rather than later.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yc70i", "comment_id": "d6myphb"}, {"question": "Anybody else have PTSD from MST?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I do. Almost 9 years ago now that it happened. I've spent several years in therapy of different kinds. I'd be happy to chat with you. Feel free to PM me.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5vtyeh", "comment_id": "de5srop"}, {"question": "I have Munchhausen Syndrome. Please help.", "description": "I decided to post on here because I can't find much info on Munchhausen's online and I'm at my wits end and I really need to put a stop to this. I am 25 years old. Female. I believe I've had Munchhausen's syndrome since early adolescence and I have never told anyone about it. It's humiliating and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop myself. It is like a compulsion. I was diagnosed at 4 years old with stage 4 cancer. Considered terminal for some time. I was in active treatment from 4 to 6 years old. I think having a life-threatening illness at such a formative age really messed me up mentally. I love the role of \"patient\". It is comforting and familiar to me. Through my entire childhood I was in and out of hospitals and I enjoyed it. The reasons for me being sick were legitimate. I still have late-effects from my cancer treatment, however I am pretty healthy. Since my teen years I've been exaggerating or completely making up symptoms to get attention from my family and from doctors. I now work in health care and it's only gotten worse. I have taken medications to induce symptoms that otherwise I wouldn't have. I have tampered with tests. If you look up Munchhausen syndrome signs online, I have them all. I don't think anyone knows that I have this problem. I am an expert liar and manipulator. I am able to go long periods of time without acting on my \"compulsions\" and staying out of hospitals, but during these times I'm severely depressed. But sometimes I can't help it. I know it's wrong. I feel intense guilt. I am disgusted with my actions. I have previously attempted suicide because of it. How do I stop my behavior? I don't even know my first step. Can this be treated? Please help - I hate being like this. ", "answer": "Firstly, there's no reason to be upset with yourself. You have a mental disorder. A LOT of people do, and yours is no different. What you're dealing with is just as much in your control as depression or anxiety would be. You didn't ask for it, and it's pretty clear you want to change things. You aren't even doing anything wrong.\n\nReally there's only one solution. Look up your insurance, and find a therapist that's covered. Meet with them, feel if it's a good fit, and starting attending. This is all related to when you were a kid, which a therapist will know EXACTLY how to help you with. Trust me.\n\nI know it feels like a lot right now, but I can promise you what you're dealing with is extremely treatable. All it takes is that first step.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5n27g4", "comment_id": "dc90t7i"}, {"question": "Questions about bloodwork and needle phobia", "description": "I was diagnosed with PCOS back in September and was prescribed Metformin and Spironolactone. My doctor noted that I had slightly elevated cortisol levels and that is sometimes a result of Cushing's syndrome. She also wanted to check my blood again for potassium levels due to taking Spironolactone. I have a terrible fear of needles and will often have panic attacks and/or pass out. I can't go by myself because I can't drive myself home, and it takes me awhile to calm down so I can go back to work. I have three problems with getting blood work this time:\n\n1) Based on my Google research, cortisol levels are your stress levels when your blood is taken, so if your stress levels are high during the test, you'l have high cortisol levels. It seems logical that I would have higher than normal cortisol levels when I'm deathly afraid of needles, and getting my blood drawn once again when I'm deathly afraid of needles seems like it would have the same result. I also have none of the other symptoms of Cushing's other than weight gain, so it seems like there's no reason to suspect Cushing's other than the cortisol levels.\n\n2) I found studies through my Google research that measuring potassium levels has been found to be generally unnecessary for young women taking spironolactone hasn't been shown to have that effect on young women.\n\n3) I assumed I would need to get my testosterone and insulin levels checked again, since that's what I'm being treated for, but my doctor didn't even mention that as one of the things she would be looking at. When I brought it up, it didn't seem like she would be interested in those levels for this test. I don't want to get tested for two unnecessary things just to have to go back again and get tested for the problems I'm actually being treated for.\n\nThe treatments are working well for me and I would like to just continue on my current path, but I'm worried that my doctor won't refill my prescriptions unless I get the testing done. I would really rather not inconvenience a family member and experience horrible anxiety unless I absolutely have to. Am I just making excuses, or do I have reason to believe the testing is unnecessary? Anybody else have experience with cortisol and potassium testing with PCOS?\n\nPS Sorry for the wall of text.", "answer": "I had Cushing a ruled out by a 24 hour urin collection which measured my cortisol levels from the whole day. Definitely ask about that as a possibility. \n\nI would explain the situation to your doctor and get a better understanding of the rationale behind the tests. Ultimately it is your body. You weight the cost/benefit equation and decide what's right for you. I have anxiety and completely understand and sympathize with wanting to avoid that if at all possible. \n\nI also wonder if your doc could prescribe an anxiety medication to take the edge off blood draws if they are deemed absolutely necessary. My Ativan helps me through some tough times. \n\nI send you good vibes! ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "5ttrbi", "comment_id": "ddozlja"}, {"question": "Insomnia and ADHD", "description": "Hi all, recently I've noticed that I watch a ton of videos and stay up late instead of going to sleep. I'm always tired at night but just can't seem to fall sleep because of thoughts. This is new for me, and I used to cope with it by listening to music or asmr as I was going to sleep. I don't want to do this because it requires me to have equipment with me when I sleep vs a simple fan.\nHow do you deal with Insomnia? \nEdit: tonight my worry is that a girl I've been talking to on a dating website hasn't replied back but read my message and I'm worried she lost interest. Naturally I keep trying to take my mind off it but it's all I can think about.", "answer": "Besides insomnia, look into Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It\u2019s highly correlated with ADHD and has been genetically linked with it. \n\nSimply put, one\u2019s Circadian rhythm is different than average, usually longer. Instead of getting tired around 10 or 11PM you might get tired at 2 or 3AM and then you wake up later in the morning. \n\nIf I don\u2019t take medication, I usually get tired around 2AM and wake up around 11AM. That obviously doesn\u2019t work well for your average job. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7n6sn2", "comment_id": "ds09i5m"}, {"question": "[23/m] I'm In Love With My EX [22/f]", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Don't contact her. Do get on with your life. Waiting for someone this unpredictable to land on \"you're the one I want to make a serious commitment to\" will waste your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bgpvs", "comment_id": "dhmhdku"}, {"question": "Thankful Thursday \ud83c\udf53\ud83c\udf82 - you are awesome!", "description": "Happy Thursday sobernauts!\n\nThankful Thursdays is a weekly thread here, where we can focus and reflect on what we are thankful for. I\u2019ll include something on thankfulness and invite you to take a moment to reflect on what you are grateful for **today**.\n\n---\n\n**Thankful quote**\n\n>*[I hope you can see how awesome you are, and know how much you are appreciated for being the one and only you](http://i.imgur.com/3jbMiv0.jpg)*\n\n---\n\nEach and every person here brings their own sparkle to this community, different experiences and perspectives. I am so grateful for the diversity that is accommodated within this community, as we tread in similar directions.  Thank you for bringing your own experience and insight here, it helps me to consider different perspectives, and keep my eyes open.\n\nI will not drink today, I am very grateful for your company today sobernauts - you are awesome!\n\n---\n\n**So, sobernauts**\n\n**What are you thankful for TODAY?** ", "answer": "I'm thankful for a supportive and forgiving boyfriend.  I'm thankful for chocolate.  I'm thankful for internet message boards and reddit.  I'm thankful for Pema Chodron.  I'm thankful for good health and the ability to run.  I'm thankful for my grad school interview invitation.  I'm grateful for a steady paycheck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "444jm5", "comment_id": "czns1hy"}, {"question": "[16/m] Need advice on if i have a chance with her [16/f] anymore.", "description": "Last thursday this girl who ive been talking to for a long time stayed round mine for the night and we got really close and to not go into too much detail but at the end of the night i was sure that she was my girlfriend. The next day she messages me saying that she really enjoyed last night but she had to meet with her ex the next day to tell him so that he wouldnt hear from someone else and to bring their relationship to a complete end(they had dated for 4 years prior so she needed to do it). Around 5 on saturday she sends me a massive message explaining how she had feelings for me but also still had feelings for her ex. She goes on to say that she doesnt want to be in any relationship because it would be unfair on me if she still had feelings for her ex even though they werent going to get back together. She said that she does have feelings and that she really enjoyed thursday night but i really dont want to just end it because all i want right now is to be with her and it kills me because she is really torn up about it aswell and wishes that it wasnt like this.\nDo i have any chance of being with her or will i have to give up and not try anymore?", "answer": "if she doesn't stay with her ex, she'll still need to REALLY be over him, which could take a while. i would move on, but stay in touch if it's not painful.  you never know what the future brings.....", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ry4h2", "comment_id": "dl8kxfm"}, {"question": "2 years of sobriety yesterday", "description": "I celebrated 2 years of continuous sobriety yesterday, and I revisited this passage in the big book yesterday morning-\n\n\n\"We were having trouble with\r\npersonal relationships, we couldn\u2019t control our emo-\r\ntional natures, we were a prey to misery and depres-\r\nsion, we couldn\u2019t make a living, we had a feeling of\r\nuselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy,\r\nwe couldn\u2019t seem to be of real help to other people\"\n\n\nI was extremely emotional and sobbing in gratitude realizing how far ive come and that these problems are gone. \n\nExtremely grateful to this program for GIVING ME A LIFE", "answer": "The Bedeviments. I can relate to being there. Congratulations on your two years!!!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bqgacj", "comment_id": "eo4afzu"}, {"question": "Please help me think of a good Christmas present for my boyfriend who is ADHD and about to start school again. Something that will be super beneficial and helpful in his daily life maybe?", "description": "Hi! Not ADHD here but follow this subreddit to keep up with the community as my beloved boyfriend is super ADHD.\n\nHe doesn\u2019t know what he wants for Christmas. I really want to get him a kickass present that he\u2019ll both love and use. He just got accepted back into school and I am so excited for him and proud!! So, for those of you who have gotten through school, I just wanted to know if y\u2019all have any ideas on gifts I can give him to help him stay on schedule and stress-free throughout the school year.  \n", "answer": "I\u2019ve been getting into bullet journaling, which is when you basically make your own planner from scratch in a blank notebook. I\u2019ve seen bullet journals being touted as \u201cthe best planner for ADHD\u201d because you can adapt it to exactly your purposes since you\u2019re making it all yourself. Some people get really elaborate with them but they can be done very simply as well. There is a video on bullet journaling on the How to ADHD YouTube channel if you want to look and get more info to see if it seems like something he\u2019d like to try. If so, a blank journal and some nice pens could make a great gift. I\u2019m doing bullet journaling and finding it works better for me than any other planner so far. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a4dk6e", "comment_id": "ebdibfp"}, {"question": "advice on not making someones mental state worse", "description": "ok, so i have a cousin. He can to stay with us last year for a few weeks, which stretched in to months while he looked for work in this country. \n\nHe has had and still has issues with what i choose to call \"personal darkness\" and this tends to manifest itself as alcoholism.\n\nAt the same time i was trying to look after my mum, who has been a drinker since i was a kid. This meant whenever i went to see her calling an ambulance so that they could dry her out, because she invariably timed my visits with a huge vodka binge.\n\nWe tried having her live with us, i tried going down to see her two or three times a week, but that just increased the hospital visits. Every time i walked from the station to her flat i thought \"will this be the time she is dead, and what will i do?\".\n\nMeanwhile he was descending - staying in his room, showing all the signs - i have grown up with them so i recognise them - of secret drinking. I kind of ignored it because i had a more serious someone-elses-drinking-problem to try and deal with.\n\nEventually in June of last year she died. The family all came over for her funeral, and cousins mum saw what a state he was in and took him home.\n\nHe has been in and out of various support since.\n\nA few weeks ago he asks if he can visit for a week, but the date keeps changing, he cancels, he re plans and then a few days ago he turns up, with his mum, but with a LOT of luggage.\n\nAll of a sudden his visit is open ended, until he gets a job.\n\nI can't deal with this. Feel free to tell me what a shit i am, but last night i was on edge - looking for the signs again, wondering if i needed to intervene, how to intervene. I can't bear the prospect of this tension every morning and every night, nor can my wife, and although my son is off to University in a month or so i don't think he needs this either.\n\nMy plan is to sit down with him and talk about it, set some boundaries, explain how i feel, though i can't be sure why i feel it, but i don't want to make him feel unloved or unwelcome. He is clearly in a fragile state, i think i could easily make it a lot worse if i don't choose my words very carefully, and actually i suspect no matter how tactful i am it will be damaging for him.\n\nI can't just let him stay and get ill and have the household be constantly tense and \"on the lookout\" for symptomatic behaviour.\n\nTL:DR i'm a heartless shit who can't deal with alcoholism anymore, how do i not appear too heartless.", "answer": "I am a therapist and I'd say basically the exact same thing Obsession said.  \n\nOne way to look at it that might help relieve some of the guilt.  By letting him stay without setting rules (no drinking while you stay here with me, etc.) you are actually aiding him in killing himself.  The responsible and ethical thing to do for both him and yourself is to enforce your boundaries if he oversteps them and throw his ass out.  He'll sink or swim, but it's on him at that point.  Forcing him into that situation is the best gift you can give to him.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6szpie", "comment_id": "dlh4us4"}, {"question": "Had anxiety about going to the post office to ship a package, forced myself to go and realized anxiety just makes everything sound worse than it really is and I\u2019m proud of myself for going!", "description": "I know this sounds so like something so basic but lately my anxiety has been really bad preventing me from doing things \n\nI had to ship an item that someone bought off me online and I kept putting it off this week because I was too anxious to go to the post office and wasn\u2019t sure what I would do once I got there.\n\nMy boyfriend told me that I should try to go because this was something I needed to do since I already got paid for the item. Sometimes all you need is some support from one person to tell you that you\u2019ll be fine about a certain situation\n\nOnce I got back I felt so relieved, it was something so easy to do and I was just overthinking it and making myself more anxious but in reality there was nothing to be anxious about! \n\nI just personally felt proud of myself and wanted to write this in case anyone has been dealing with similar anxiety, we always tend to make out situations to be worse than they actually are, and you won\u2019t know the outcome and that most of the time your anxiety is wrong unless you try!", "answer": "Read the subtle art of not giving a fuck", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "d9qsam", "comment_id": "f1mmpvu"}, {"question": "My day as an alcoholic.", "description": "Wake up with hangover. Have muse some tea with ginger. Bathe in cold water to bring pressure down and \u201cwake the *** up\u201d and try not to look drunk at work. Brush and do mouthwashes to get the alcohol breath out. Go to work and trade emotionally rather than logically. For lunch have healthy food.\u2019keep drinking water through out day to be \u201cready \u201c for evening. Think about what to drink at night. Walk about 2 miles so I can drink as much as possible. Evening go to liquor store. Buy alcohol and lotto tickets. Go home pour me self a drink as I cook. Then engage in sports betting and online poker as I drink up. Do violent betting and poker plays as I got drunker and drunker. Engage in sexual talks online and get hook ups at even midnight. Drink water and sleep usually snoring.\n\nThat used to be my day for 10 years. \n\nWill post a weekend schedule tomorrow \n\nNow sober and happy for 2 years", "answer": "Yeah, that would be a good day for me. Glad you\u2019re sober for two years, that\u2019s great! \n\nMy day would start out by waking up at 2:00 in the morning because my body needed a drink. Chug the vodka with a splash of cranberry or whiskey and coke all made on my nightstand because I know this will happen and does every night. Then I will hopefully pass out again until I woke up for my alarm at 4:30. Shaking, I have to start making my Gatorade and vodkas for the day while trying to get down my morning drink. Some days I will throw it up and it will take another drink before I can hold it down. Drive to work with a drink, and try to load up the truck and get everything ready for the job, hoping I am able to get another few sips in soon. All day trying to keep the fine line between feeling like I am gonna die/shaking and being too obviously drunk or too drunk to work. My whole day is spent just trying to get through it so I can drink more when I get out to really take the edge off and feel some small amount of relief or a little less like I am going to die. So I drink more when I get out. All that does is get me to be able to eventually pass out until I wake up again at 2 in the morning needing a drink, and I am left with no choice but to continue the same sick disgusting cycle, just trying to survive... until I get home and drink to get some relief again....and the cycle continues. That was a living hell", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "c22jk3", "comment_id": "erii389"}, {"question": "I feel so unappreciated.", "description": "I feel overly under appreciated. Not only by my family, my boss, or friends, but also by life. I do everything I can to make everyone happy. I go out of my way to be there for people. Change my schedule to accommodate everyone and yet I when I need someone or something no one is ever available. My two friends don't even answer texts but as soon as they are feeling down or they need a favor the texts never stop coming. I have a great boyfriend who is there to listen but I'm sure he gets sick of my constant complaining. It's always over the same shit. I feel like I work too much to have the little bit i have. Wish I could have more. I don't understand how people who say they have no money are out vacationing and buying themselves nice things when I work equally as hard and cannot afford any of that. I don't feel like life owes me anything but MAN! is it discouraging to be stuck. I wish there was a way to just drop everything and move away but everything has to center on money and i dont have any right now to get away! Thanks for reading, I really needed this!  ", "answer": "\"Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself\"", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264r9d", "comment_id": "chnvk9q"}, {"question": "A psychiatrist told me I'm not depressed.", "description": "Before I talk about the shrink, let me tell you about my life.\n\n\nI've been bullied and stigmatised on and off since I was 11. It's only stopped now because I've finished school. My parents always fought verbally (rarely physically, only when alcohol was involved) in front of me, and usually tried to involve me in said fights. My mother is horrible and abusive when drunk and happens to be an alcoholic.\n\nAt age 15, my school attendance gradually dropped, until I was skipping whole weeks at 17. I got kicked out of school in my last year due to - you guessed it - shitty attendance. This was when I started smoking weed, and I smoke probably a gram a day, but that's only when I manage to get my hands on it.\n\n\n\nLast Saturday night, I took a pack of cocodamol. My mindset was \"either get a huge buzz or die. whatever\". Obviously that mindset changed when I was horribly itchy, and had pinpoint pupils. So I phoned NHS 24, who told me to go to A&E.\n\n\nAt A&E, I got a blood test and was told I was lucky, if I had taken 25% more than my dose then I could have had problems. The doctor then said she has asked a shrink to come down and talk to me.\n\n\nI told the guy about my situation, and he blamed it on the fact that I'm a teenager, and that I smoke weed regularly.\n\n\n Maybe I should cut down on my use of the stuff, but all my adolescent life I have had terrible concentration, paranoia, social anxiety, tiredness all day, crap sleep quality regardless of the length of sleep, unnecessary guilt, and generally feeling worthless. I've also gone from overweight to skinny and vice versa several times.\n\nSo my point is, if I'm not depressed, what the fuck is wrong with me?", "answer": "While a lot of your symptoms are characteristic of depressive disorders like dysthymia, they are also very characteristic of trauma reactions. Read about [Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified](http://www.traumacenter.org/initiatives/Polyvictimization_Articles/ComplexTraumaOct2006_JTS3.pdf) (DESNOS). This is not (yet) an official diagnosis in the United States; it's still being researched. I'm not sure what its status is in the ICD-10. You might not meet the full criteria for DESNOS - you may indeed have a depressive disorder - but I think that whatever the diagnosis is, it's a response to chronic stress and abuse. In any case, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this and that you were interviewed by an incompetent shrink. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1axpkc", "comment_id": "c91tjwh"}, {"question": "I'm [F/21] going back to the guy who broke my heart...[M/24]", "description": "Last year I was seeing a guy for 4 months. We were exclusive but never \"bf/gf.\" Things ended out of the blue when he STOPPED REPLYING and GHOSTED ME! \n\nBut I never sent multiple messages and just let him go.\n\nNow, over a year later he pops back up. Due to his charm and funniness I agreed to a date. We've been on 2 dates now and haven't discussed where this is going, or even properly spoken about what happened last time. Will this all end in tears?", "answer": "It's risky. ASK all the big questions whenever you need to. Talk through what happened before. Keep your eyes and ears open. Make sure he states his intents clearly. Go slow. Be careful and watchful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "672fdu", "comment_id": "dgn4xty"}, {"question": "Am I introverted or extroverted?", "description": "I'm shy and I prefer the company of a few people rather than big groups, and I enjoy alone time/relaxation time but in moderation. During weekends I'd rather go out and do stuff than stay in and do nothing. I'm not sure if my preference to going out over staying in makes me more extroverted, or if my shyness and my dislike of big groups/socializing makes me more introverted.  ", "answer": "Yep... as sometimespredictable said, it is a continuum.  People call themselves introverts or extroverts because their personality leans more heavily on one side.  Nobody is a pure extrovert or introvert.  The implications would be maddening.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8dbzd3", "comment_id": "dxmt47c"}, {"question": "Would a doctor tell a pregnant woman that she should continue smoking?", "description": "My mom\u2019s friend [38F] is pregnant and is due in about 2 months. All throughout her pregnancy, she has smoked (both cigarettes and weed). But when I say smoke, I mean *chain-smokes* like that\u2019s all that she does. She has no job so she doesn\u2019t go anywhere except to Carl\u2019s Jr. for lunch and the cigarette place. She is about 450 pounds and gets no exercise and does not eat healthy whatsoever. My mom occasionally goes to her house to hang out and has told the woman how extremely concerned she is with the amount of cigarettes she blows through per hour/day, and asked what her doctor thinks of her smoking. The woman said that the doctor is completely fine with it and would honestly advise against quitting smoking because then the baby would go into \u201cshock\u201d. \n\nShe smoked a pack of cigarettes per day prior to being pregnant but has now moved up to a pack and a half (along with about 2g of marijuana) per day.", "answer": "The answer is been given multiple times. We don\u2019t need to discuss and deride someone who isn\u2019t even a participant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fcxlhp", "comment_id": "fje3i1u"}, {"question": "How come I [19/f] have so much trouble making friends?", "description": "I have been a quiet individual my entire life, but this is only with strangers. For some reason, I have never had many friends, and the friends that I have made over the years have just distanced themselves from me and vice versa. My boyfriend has tons of friends, and I think I'm getting jealous and lonely because when he is with friends I have no one. I am a decent looking person, I am really caring, and I am intelligent. I have talked to people in some of my classes at college, but the conversations never get anywhere. It seems as if everybody has their friends and doesn't want or need anymore. I participate in clubs, but no one really talks there. If they do talk, it's the group of people that are already friends. It'd be awkward if I just walked up to them and tried being friends. You can't just get into someone's friend group like that. I don't really know what to do anymore.", "answer": "try meetup.com", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63hu49", "comment_id": "dfucix3"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/M/180cm/64kg\n\nHello,\nso i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. Otherwise I've been to lots of doctors, since I've had various symptoms my whole life,\neven though nothing really has been diagnosed. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm Crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. Also I think I'm a hypochondriac.\n\nNow to get to the current stuff. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. When walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. Resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. While standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. On PE, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. Of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. Holter ECG was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. I have right bundle branch block, which they say is  nothing. Can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? Do i need stress ECG? Now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. I realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. When it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately.\nFor the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. I have poor\nposture so could some of this have to do with the spine? Should i do a head MRI? \nJust to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder.\nI've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, I've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. Sometimes i only feel one thump, but\nsometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (I've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). If the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? Also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :P For the last few days I've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason.\nLast thing, just a while ago I've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. It's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. Should i get it checked? (I always find something to worry about).\nI've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. CRP was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5.\nLiver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, LDH isoensymes, ASMA, hsTSH, T3, T4, feritine, TIBC, cortisol - Normal.\nBasically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.\n\nI know this is a mess but i have so much going on. I don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. I'm mostly worried about the occasional\nfast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... I just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. Appreciate any reply.", "answer": "Cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. Try www.moodgym.org (computerised CBT - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "de1hka0"}, {"question": "[23/F] Feeling lonely with, or without my husband [26/M]. Unable to re-kindle affection.", "description": "So My husband [26/M] and I [23/F] have been together for 5 years. now and its starting to feel like its all just going downhill... \n\nI feel like I have a [sexual aversion](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19784769) as well as [Tactile sensitivity](https://insideperspectives.wordpress.com/sensory/sidspdhsp/tactile-sensitivity/) So I crave affection and attention and love, but when I get it it just gets at me in a not so good way... which is obviously effecting him too. I mean you can't go 5 years with someone who can't enjoy being touched and not start to blame yourself.\n\nLike this morning for example... (most morning actually) He wakes up to go to work, takes the dogs on a walk and then comes back to cuddle me before leaving, but his form of \"cuddling me\" is just like... Laying his hand on random parts on me.. Not like full body cuddling or anything, just like a hand on my back or leg or shoulder. This makes me feel like he is nervous to touch me and also make me feel like its a forced thing. Which then annoys me and makes me want to push him away or tell him to stop even though ALL I WANT is to be near him and happy with it... \n\nWe've been talking about and trying to have a baby. We both know we'd be great parents, we have love for each other and we work well together, but can't really get the sex part accomplished. \n\nWe live with 2 other people both male roommates Dan [25/M] and Danny [27/M]... So my Husband and I tend to wait till \"bedtime\" to do anything sexual, cause we can't get frisky on the sofa with other people in our home. So we go to bed turn on the tv, and go to sleep. \n\nI want to have a meaningful connection to my Husband, but am not sure why I don't, and I'm not sure how to repair this.  We tend to talk a lot about our issues, how we both feel, what our stresses are, what we would like to do in the future, we're very open... and this loneliness topic comes up a lot, but we are never able to really effect it in anyway. \n\nIts gotten to the point where we both get angry just even TRYING to talk about anything with each other, cause we've talked about it all before and nothing is different. We just keep having the same conversations over and over and nothing is changing. \n\n We need help.\n\n\nEDIT: \nAlso I feel like the roommates are a HUGE impact into my discontent with this relationship. They're always here, Never clean up after themselves, always forget to pay rent, make messes in the kitchen that I have to clean up, Can't remember what address they live at and continue to ask \"what apartment are we in?\", Like I dunno dude, open the door and look at the number. My husband has to deal with a lot of bitching from my end about these 2. He agrees but won't do anything about most of it. He can't even move away from them He wants to stay with them forever as roommates, even though we're thinking about having a child. He doesn't really want to have our OWN family home he wants us ALL to live in the same place. Which I get it.... its cheaper with more people, but also.... please no.\n\nHis mother has even offered to put a downpayment on a house for us if we ditch the roommates. I was like \"OMG HELL YES!\" and he was like \"Yeah... okay I guess.\" It's not been 2 weeks since his mother offered to help us move and he hasn't even brought it up to the roommates, and won't let me say anything because tensions are running high over my being annoyed at having to mother 3 grown ass men.", "answer": "see a therapist please; redditors not ideal for this complexity", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5strmd", "comment_id": "ddhtjkr"}, {"question": "My boyfriend has slept with many women and used to visit strip clubs in the past. For some reason, this makes me incredibly insecure.", "description": "I know it's all in the past. We're both 26 and we've been together for almost a year. He's very sexual. Even before we started dating, other people would always joke about how he could hardly keep it in his pants and he joked along. We actually started as kind of friends with benefits, except I was the one who didn't want to have anything romantic, and he actually had feelings for me. Eventually, I fell for him.\n\nHis past has come up in more than one occasion. He disclosed a lot, just to be honest and so that I would learn from him and not from others. I know the past is the past, but the fact that he's slept with so many women and used to frequent strip clubs makes me feel very insecure.\n\nI know I don't look like them. Sadly, sometimes I'll fixate on a particular girl/situation he mentions and I start asking for details so that I can compare myself. I usually end up feeling worse. I feel so average and uninteresting. \n\nHe says I'm the best he's been with, and the girl he's felt the most attracted to, but this doesn't help. I just can't believe him. For example, he says he used to go to strip clubs as novelty, it was a phase and he generally found them boring. He says he didn't like how the strippers looked. That he prefers my body type. But I doubt it, I just can't believe him because the \"stripper look\" is usually regarded as ideal, all men rave about it, so it sounds like he's jut being nice.\n\nWith the overly sexualized media and having many male friends in common, there are lots of things that remind me of his past. I usually flip or start bickering with him. I know he gets annoyed, and I think that he genuinely must not care about those things now, but just knowing that he was the \"type of guy who likes strippers\" makes me ashamed of my own body and I feel inferior. I'm not trying to judge him or punish him, but I need him to understand why I feel like this. He's just so dismissive ie. \"baby that was a long time ago, it doesn't matter now\". And I know he's right. But I feel like he's just like he's washing his hands of what he did... I guess it upsets me because it feels like \"yes, I used to objectify women and look at perfect women for my pleasure, but what's done is done, so yeah, quit whining\". He's not mean about it at all... I just need him to understand just how insecure I feel. I usually fail miserably at trying to explain it.\n\nI don't know why I even do that, I know he can't do anything bout it now. But I fear he's just being nice and lying about not liking the stripper look, or that if he wasn't in love with me then he'd find them better looking. \n\nI know I gain nothing from this, especially comparing myself to others. How can I stop?\n\nAlso, while not directly related, it's relevant: I flip when we watch TV and overly sexualized women are shown (think music videos), or there are many sex scenes or simply naked women for the male gaze... for example, he's a huge GoT fan, but he says it's better we don't watch it together because there's a lot of nudity which will make me miserable. I don't get why I can't watch things like those without feeling bad, I just do, I can't help it :(", "answer": "Like uninvited house guests, we are subject to thoughts, but are also separate from them.  Thoughts aren't easily controlled.  The more you try not to think of something, the more you end up thinking about that thing usually.  Rather than try to suppress, see about cultivating a bit of distance between you and your thoughts, and a bit of amusement even.  You don't have to take them seriously, actually, and you don't need to let fears control what you do either, though you will have to endure their discomfort.\n\n", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "2ghrgl", "comment_id": "ckjowsz"}, {"question": "Looking for some advice regarding a FWB. [23/m] (21/f)", "description": "So, I met this girl through Tinder and we've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We went on a few dates early on and things were going well. Eventually we decided we should just be FWB. We prefaced it with agreeing not to catch feelings for each other and keep things simple. At the time I was excited about it and I never really asked for her reasoning as to why she wanted to keep things casual. Over the past couple of months I think I've started catching feelings for her, and I feel like it's being reciprocated by her but I'm struggling to tell if truly that or just wishful thinking. Either way, I feel like I fucked up. We're both going back to our respective colleges soon so If I want to pursue anything I need to make a move asap. I guess what I need some advice with is is it unfair to her for me to try and see where things go and tell her how I feel given what we said when we became FWB or should I just go for it? ", "answer": "go for it. no second chances in life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ur6g3", "comment_id": "dlusmdn"}, {"question": "Stigma", "description": "So I been noticing that people see people with BPD as This horrible person who's abusive and violent or lack of remorse? Umm wth? Not all people with BPD are even close to what you describe us. This is just people generalizing a group of people. I have BPD I've never in my life have done any drugs, Alcohol,smoke nor done violent crimes.\nI am a very caring,friendly person. I love to laugh be around animals and such. Overall I'm just a normal person like everyone one else. I do not like to see this spread of misinformation by people who aren't actual psychologist or psychiatrist. ", "answer": "Borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "9a4wph", "comment_id": "e4t8vma"}, {"question": "Was just prescribed cipro for kidney infection and worried about the crazy side effects.", "description": "I am a relatively healthy (27m, 180 lbs) white male that had a UTI advance to a kidney infection and was just prescribed Cipro. I have read up on it and it seems pretty dang scary. Permanently damaging tendonitis, neurological problems, detached retinas etc. I have pretty high health related anxiety. Just wanted some statistics to ease my mind or advice to stay away. Thanks! ", "answer": "You should worry more about an untreated kidney infection than the side effects from the antibiotic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "571qam", "comment_id": "d8p9n5z"}, {"question": "Why does everyone ask \u2018what's the cause\u2019?", "description": "It\u2019s a rhetorical question; I just need to get this off my chest and out of my head. \n\n\nWhen I reach out for help or open up to someone about my anxiety, I almost always end up being asked what\u2019s causing it. I know they mean well and are trying to understand, but I find it makes me feel more damaged because there often isn\u2019t a specific thing that I am anxious and crying about. I already feel like an idiot for crying over literally nothing, but I can\u2019t stop no matter what I try. I wish there was an identifiable reason that I could address, but there isn\u2019t, and trying to admit and explain that when I\u2019m already an emotional shipwreck makes it that much more painful.", "answer": "There's nothing wrong with saying you have general anxiety and you're not quite sure what's behind it all, but it's there.  Everyone has anxiety and everyone has a breaking point of what's too much anxiety.  Lets say on a scale of 1-10, 10 is the breaking point.  Most folks probably walk around at about a 2 or 3.  Folks with severe general anxiety start there day at about a 7-9.  That makes it so that it may not take much to get you to that breaking point.  \n\n\nThat's one way you could explain it, if you even want to.  You don't really owe anyone an explanation unless you feel like it would be helpful to explain yourself.  \n\n\nJust an fyi though, for most folks with general anxiety, it's usually a combination of both genetic predispositions to being more anxious in general along with some deep psychological \"reasons\" whether it be certain thought patterns, lack of healthy coping skills, too much avoidance behaviors throughout life, etc.  so if you do want to get better, therapy can help you figure this out and work towards recovering.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "993tuk", "comment_id": "e4krgvu"}, {"question": "Zoloft/sertraline question", "description": "Hi all, ive been on sertraline for 5 yrs. I'm on 100mg. I need to up my dose, my anxiety has been the worst its ever been. My question is: can I cut a 50mg tablet into quarters? I want to up to 125mg, but every time ive tried the side effects have been too much for me. Could I cut 25mg in half, and take that for a week or to to ease myself up? Or how should I do this? I dont want to get addicted to xanax :( thanks in advance everyone", "answer": "You probably shouldn't be doing this on your own. Talk to your doctor. Sertraline tablets can be cut in half, though, and it also comes in a liquid form if you want extremely fine  control over dosing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s5wc6", "comment_id": "e0wtnoo"}, {"question": "I need some helpful advice/insight, please.", "description": "Myself (20 M) and my ex (20 M) has been messaging me quite a bit lately, and it has been escalating quite a bit. He broke up with me 7 months ago because he had tons of family issues, and caused him very bad stress so he ended the relationship. I was devastated and chose to try to move on, but two months ago he starting talking to me. \n\nI'm a very nice person and I can't pull myself to ignore anyone so I sent a few texts back, and a few texts a day has turned into tons of texting for over a month straight. He recently told me that he wants me back, and he is sorry for ending things, but the catch is I just don't think I am ever be with him because I don't trust him. I do have feelings, but I know if I date him and have no trust it will burn down.\n\nI'm asking if I should go back and try to rebuild that trust, or let him down? I'm really 50/50 and it's driving me a little crazy lol. \n\ntl;dr\n\nShould I give my ex a chance, or decline his offer to reconcile? ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60zwfp", "comment_id": "dfat5hv"}, {"question": "Zoloft Rx Question", "description": "I was on 80mg Prozac and was still having extreme anxiety and ocd tendencies so my doc changed me over to Zoloft 150mg. I\u2019ve been on it one week. I\u2019m also in cognitive behavioral therapy so I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s either or but I\u2019m starting to notice when I start picking my skin and actively tell myself to stop, I\u2019m noticing when I grind my teeth and actively tell myself to stop. These are like huge things for me. I\u2019m a real bad skin picker especially my face cuz I have bad acne. Whether I\u2019m in public or not I pick. And I\u2019ve wanted to stop for so long and just couldn\u2019t mentally do it. I would inevitably do it absentmindedly and realize it after I\u2019ve done made myself bleed. I haven\u2019t really delved deep in cbt with skin picking but with how I treat myself. And how I talk to myself lol. \n\nMy question is will it get to where I won\u2019t touch my face at all? I won\u2019t start gritting or grinding my teeth period? I\u2019m thinking the meds are doing it more than cbt at this point, but just curious if I\u2019ll stop these things all together. Like I said only a week on it. ", "answer": "It might get there, and it might not. Hopefully the former!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mjqae", "comment_id": "e7f57mf"}, {"question": "Empty feeling", "description": "I\u2019ve been feel lost for the better part of three years now, I feel like I\u2019m searching for something. Almost like I\u2019m missing something and I can\u2019t quite understand what it is that I\u2019m missing. \nSome days I feel like there\u2019s something that maybe needs to come out or be revealed to me but I just can\u2019t see exactly what it is? \nDoes anyone else have this feeling? \nAnd if so what helped alleviate the feeling? ", "answer": "Have you considered seeing a therapist to sort out these thoughts and feelings?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7wbuk2", "comment_id": "dtzea0c"}, {"question": "Need advice! Our medical providers won't help. Reaction to Acyclovir", "description": "Sixteen-year-old female, 5'2, 120lbs, Caucasian in U.S. She has PCOS, Hypopituitarism, auto immune psoriasis. She takes Metformin 500, Synthroid 50 mcg, birth control pills were added recently to replace hormones she is not producing.\n\nLast week I took her to a doctor for a recurrent rash on her lips and around her mouth, and swollen lips. She has been getting this on and off for her entire life but it has gotten worse over the years. The doctor decided it was cold sores and prescribed Acyclovir. After a week of treatment there was no improvement. We returned to the doctor. He prescribed the Acyclovir again. Within 24 hours she was having black diarrhea. She feels nauseated, dizzy, weak, and cold. Her cheeks became hot and red last night and she ran a low grade fever for a few hours. She is no longer taking the medication! I called the ER to ask if this is a medical emergency. They wouldn't tell me much due to policy so the person I spoke to basically answered my questions in riddle form. From the vague riddle like response I ascertained that it was not an emergency and that I should call the doctor that prescribed the meds. I called the prescribing doctor's office and they only told me that they won't tell me anything and that the ER is our only option. So now I don't know what to do. If we go to the ER we will be in the waiting room for a minimum of 3 hours and this may not be serious. I would have to wait until my husband comes home from work this evening to go anyway because I have a toddler and a baby. I will be worrying in the meantime. I may call a pharmacist since they seem to be the only people willing to give accurate, rational, medical advice over a phone. I really need a straight answer.", "answer": "If it's a chronic condition, has it previously been put down to cold sores and managed with acyclovir?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531y3y", "comment_id": "d7p81f5"}, {"question": "Started intensive therapy today ..", "description": "Today I began intensive therapy with a BPD specialist. We\u2019re starting with sessions at twice a week, until I somewhat stabilize. \n\nBefore I walked into the appointment, I made a commitment to stop lying and downplaying my emotions to therapists. I want, and have wanted help but have consistently put guards up for any mental health professionals. This largely stems from mistreatment, and a horrific long-term psychiatric hospitalization. I told this to my new therapist, and she confirmed what I already suspected: my long term psychiatrist committed some severe medical malpractice. Nice to have that validated, honestly. \n\nWhen I stared talking to my new therapist, I could not stop. At first I thought, the floodgates are open, but it wasn\u2019t floodgates: it was my heart cracking open, releasing stuff I\u2019ve internalized and held onto for so many years. \n\nI\u2019m hopeful with this therapist. From what I gathered from the first session, she is sincere and nonjudgmental. Most importantly, she is already refuting my deepest fear: she will not commit me, in fact she said it\u2019ll objectively make me worse. \n\nI know the work needs to come from within, and I\u2019m finally feeling willing to do that. I have put off my recovery for so long, and am ready to heal, before I destroy myself or any further relationships. ", "answer": "It ain't your therapist doing the work here. You just took yourself back. Vulnerability will set you free once you realize there are safe people to be vulnerable with. Let the validation storm begin!! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9f2e44", "comment_id": "e5ti6r6"}, {"question": "Is my therapist a bad one? TW self-harm", "description": "I'm 24. I have OCD, anxiety, and seasonal depression that makes summers horrible. I've been in therapy a lot. A little over a year ago I got a new therapist. He's really nice and he's been helping me find myself and live accurately as male (I'm ftm). He's really helpful there, and he specializes (or says he does) in OCD, anxiety, trauma and depression. But he hasn't been very helpful in these areas. \nHe's usually late and he usually ends the sessions early. He also talks a lot and goes off on tangents. He's told me a lot of stories about himself that I'm not quite sure how they fit in, and sometimes he assumes he knows what I'm feeling even though I didn't get the chance to explain to him yet (usually becuase he's talking). He also talks a lot about other people which makes me nervous because I wonder if he talks about me. He's very defensive and he likes to use super obscure words and sometimes he doesn't explain what they mean when I ask. He also asks these questions that I never have any idea how to answer. It's like he's looking for me to say a specific word but a lot of times I have trouble following him and I never know which specific word he's looking for. I'm always a little confused because we'll be talking and laughing and all and then I'll leave his office and feel super depressed. But that's not all the time, every once in a while I'll leave feeling really good. But usually I leave feeling confused. My biggest problem with him is that I've done some self-harm in the past, and this summer I've been struggling with that. However, the way I hurt myself isn't a very typical way I guess. It took me like three years to believe myself that I was hurting myself, and I was very proud of myself for finally accepting that it was obviously hurting me and that I was doing it deliberately out of self-hate and a desire to be hurt. I told my therapist and he didn't seem to believe me. He keeps referring to the \"typical\" ways people harm themselves. He's even asked me some questions about it that I thought were very inappropriate and irrelevant. (He also asked me if I was a top or a bottom??? We're both gay). Over this week I did something and I have no idea how to feel about it, but I feel too afraid to tell him because I'm afraid he'll think I'm childish or he'll judge me. He kind of makes me feel like I'm just trying to get attention all the time, but I also feel like nothing I feel is worth his attention. \nI know that a therapist-patient relationship is a RELATIONSHIP and it takes both of us to come together and get work done. It just feels like I have no power over this relationship...but maybe I'm just too intimidated by him. I've had other therapists before but I didn't have any trouble opening up and being honest with them. Is he a bad therapist, or am I just bad at communicating? \nAnyway thanks for listening", "answer": "It's really tough to say if the dude is a bad  therapist just from the things that you've posted without more context, but it does look fairly clear that he's not a good therapist for YOU.  I tell folks whether they're seeing me or seeing my supervisees, if you don't feel like there's a good connection after 3 sessions or so, look to make a change.  Shop around until you get a therapist you feel comfortable with and feel like you're going to be able to make steady progress towards some clear goals.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "993oga", "comment_id": "e4kr08s"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Lamictal has become an increasingly popular med for the treatment of bipolar disorder, as well as seizure disorders.  It's an anti-epilectic/anticonvulsant with mood stabilizing properties.  Off-label usage may be used for depression, as well as migraines.  I briefly took it for migraines, but I experienced wicked insomnia, so discontinued right away.  It may put others to sleep, increase dreams, like the other poster mentioned, but listen to the experiences of others with a grain of salt, not because other experiences aren't valid, but because you may have a different response.  I never made it to my therapeutic dosage, which is what most positive outcomes indicate as most effective.  Some people love it, some may not.  Everyone is different.\n\nIf you did your research on lamictal, I imagine you came across an important side effect to keep an eye out for during the first month or so of treatment.  It's essentially a rash that is called Stevens\u2013Johnson Syndrome (SJS).  The probability of you developing the rash is extremely low, but it can be really serious (requiring medical intervention), so it's just something to keep an eye on.  Hopefully your doc mentioned this to you.  If you do happen to notice a rash (google images of it), it is advised to discontinue the med right away and contact your doctor.  \n\nI really hope I didn't overload you with information you didn't want to hear, but it is important to know.  It's a great drug, and I hope it works out for you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "elkysi", "comment_id": "fdiojsa"}, {"question": "21M, neurologist diagnosed pseudodementia which is often confused with true neurological dementia", "description": "21M 5'8\" 150lb Caucasian, Symptoms= memory loss & cognitive difficulties, heat intolerance, erectile dysfunction.\n\nSo 5 years ago I entered the hospital for the first time with complaints of memory loss and cognitive complaints, and since it has definetely become debilitating I am no longer able to work or study in college,I am gradually withdrawing from all aspects of my life in the past months I spend all my time indoors at my parents house.\n\nI went to one of the most qualified neurologists at the hospital and explained my symptoms, the neurologist went into very in depth explanation about Apathy and dementia. She explained that people with neurological disorders become apathetic, and lose interest in all activities because they have difficulty figuring out how to do an activity and lose motivation. So she recommended to my mom that I need to start more activities and make a schedule of daily goal oriented activities for my brain, which is what people with real dementia get recommended.\n\nThe problem is... well it's not pseudodementia the neurologist even said that I should be able to improve if I begin antidepressants and goal oriented activities daily, but I have been continuing to get worse very very consistently.\n\nI never get better every month there is a consistent deterioration in my symptoms there has never been an improvement it is completely real dementia and it is what I have known for years now.\n\nI have a real completely real neurological disorder for example= multiple sclerosis(just an example I can't know which disorder I have).\n\nI highly suspect multiple sclerosis because I have many symptoms which are common in MS, heat intolerance, memory problems, irritated vision", "answer": "The odds of having dementia in your twenties, regardless of the type of dementia, are minuscule. MS doesn't have highly classic symptoms because of its variability, but what you describe isn't a classic presentation, and in fact what would be expected is usually symptoms that appear and disappear.\n\nYou don't mention any diagnostic workup or any medications tried. What has been done about this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e60yqd", "comment_id": "f9nb6n2"}, {"question": "Looking for a therapist in the LA area, any recommendations?", "description": "Hey guys. I moved to LA about a month an a half ago. I'm going through that \"I just graduated College and don't know what to do with myself\" phase and my BF and I just broke up because he's moving back to said college for two more years. I'm working freelance in a very difficult industry and the work is running dry lately. It's been a very difficult time and making friends I can confide in is hard to do. I don't want to keep crying to them for fear it will push them all away. \n\nI'm just suffering a bout of mild depression. I'm new to the area and had an awesome therapist in the past in a different town who helped me ease back into being my old self (I already called for a recommendation, but no such luck). I'm looking for a therapist who is patient and kind, not one who's too busy writing their own book or something to care. \n\nMore specifically, I'm in the mid-wilshire area. \nPlease let me know!! Thanks :) ", "answer": "I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) currently on the east coast, but most people in the field recommend [Psychology Today's Therapist Finder](http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/CA/Los+Angeles.html). Obviously I'm biased towards my own field, but MFTs are some of the best trained therapists, especially regarding relational issues (and despite our title we see plenty of individuals, too!) My advice is to look for a therapist with an LMFT credential (licensed Marriage and Family Therapist). Lucky for you CA has some of the most stringent licensing requirements so generally speaking you've got some good people out there!\n\nMy other advice is to shop around for a therapist like you would a car. An important piece of what we do is rooted in the education we receive, however an equally important piece of successful therapy (and the research supports this) is the relationship the client is able to form with their therapist. Make a few appointments and go with who you are able to connect most with, and feel comfortable opening up to.\n\nThe information you provided is really, really helpful. Be sure to share it with your therapist, to the degree that you're comfortable. Best of luck! Feel free to PM me with any questions.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "zcq69", "comment_id": "c63m5q8"}, {"question": "Divorce, tricky situation and more.", "description": "I've never posed on this site before so here goes, I heard good advice happens here so why not.\n\nLong story short, I met a girl who was around 8-9 months into a divorce, her friends and my friends wanted us to get to know each other, mind you I was treading carefully, a girl coming off separation at a young age.\n\n Anyway we hit it off like no tomorrow. One thing lead to an other, for e.g we just acted like a couple naturally, we kept it on the hush hush because of her divorce papers. \n\nShe liked me I liked her, then the up and downs started which I understood from her side, she still might be recovering and so on.\nBut then she took it up a level, \n\nShe was saying how much I meant to her, how much she's into me, she met my family etc etc. \n\nShe told her friends how well I treat her, like no one ever has before. \n\nHer friend told me she's in denial that she liked me hence the pushing away and pulling me closer sorta thing. \n\nIt obviously crossed my mind that this girl maybe was using me as a rebound, we spoke about it calmly, she insisted I wasn't, \n\nShe dropped the I love you, I was so confused by now because she went from \n\" I'm emotionally not there \" to \n\" you're amazing and you make me feel so beautiful \"\n\nNext thing you know we argued, it was a mess it eventually turned into a break,\nI asked her what she wanted and she said no I don't have feelings, she went all strange I told her well maybe you just wanted the love making and that's all, it wasn't just that she said.\n\nIt really messed with my head so I had no choice, I thanked her for everything told her since you've changed your mind just delete my details and move on. She's 25, I'm 26\n\nI tried asking her in so many ways what she really wanted I guess she didn't know it herself. It's a shame too, good girl and we bonded so good. We stayed loyal to each other as well. \n\nAny thoughts? I got played maybe? She got scared and ran off? Maybe just not that interested in me? Wanted to commit but couldn't?? Didn't want to fall again so quick but did?\n\nGod I miss her but my head is telling me no no. We haven't spoken in nearly 3 weeks.\n", "answer": "Don't waste time trying to figure out what's in someone else's head. 90% of the time, THEY don't even know.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s8b7l", "comment_id": "ddd41sy"}, {"question": "I just killed my cat. Now I want to kill myself.", "description": "Our cat was 16; he hadn\u2019t eaten for a few days so I chopped him some meat and tried to feed it to him like a pill. It lodged in his throat and I couldn\u2019t get it out and when we got to the vets there was nothing they could do and I just... I never meant for that to happen. I didn\u2019t mean to. I hate myself and I want to kill myself. I don\u2019t know what to do.", "answer": "Can you call someone? And not be alone right now? ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8lc5u1", "comment_id": "dzeg7nd"}, {"question": "My lady friend is back after 5 months aboard.", "description": "So my lady friend is back after being abroad for 5 months and I am very happy. I missed her while she was away more than I care to admit. We got brunch today and we talked for hours. It was very nice and I feel very happy. \n\nThat is all. I know this isn't the usual offmychest post but I'm so happy I just have to tell someone. \nIt's very nice.", "answer": "I'm on the same boat. 3 more months until I see her again! I can't wait! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "49kpme", "comment_id": "d0th2c0"}, {"question": "Was given intravenous sedative to put me to sleep before my endoscopic exam--what was it?", "description": "Male, 27, 80kg, no spectacular health conditions, no medication. It was a routine checkup.  \n\nBefore I knew it I was awake and the exam had finished. What was it?", "answer": "Usually propofol. Sometimes benzos like midazolam, I believe. I am not an anesthesiologist or a GI doc, so I'm just conveying what I've picked up by hanging out with the wrong crowd.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9d1iea", "comment_id": "e5er0aj"}, {"question": "I find myself overstimulated by Reddit and at times checking it compulsively over and over again until my head starts to feel weird. Is this something other people have experienced, if so, can you share your experience? Any tips?", "description": "Usually when I am very bored. I find myself on Reddit and it's hard to get out of that loop of checking and re-checking.", "answer": "Totally do this ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abztvb", "comment_id": "ed4azpr"}, {"question": "Newly married and already want a divorce help :(", "description": "We are married 2 weeks now.\nI am sleeping in the couch at the moment, and we argue almost every day.\nWe  just started as a couple and live at my parents house and they moved to another.When the movement was gone there was an arguement between inlaws.My mil told my mother she was very \"cheapy\" and didnt leave anything good at us cause she was taking the silver forks from her old house and my mother told her at least I gave them a house you gave them nothing...(we were not even there)\nInlaws not talking anymore and we have frozen our relationship bothways.\nThis was a trigger at my relationship for constant arguements.\nAnyway we got married and after the ceremony my MIL persued my wife that she sould come at our house with us to help her undress...\nI learned it the moment we were going home after the wedding and she was waiting us at our home.\nShe undressed her and I argued with my wife the very first night of our wedding.\nAt our honeymoon we were ok till we got back.\nNow my wife wants to move to a rental cause of the arguement caused by the inlaws.\nShe wants a new car cause her father advised her that the one we own will not last long.\nLast but not least to change everything in our house.\nMy finances cant afford all of these together and I live in a country (Greece) that banks wont give us any loans..\nI am in a very difficult spot here and thinking of getting a divorce.\nMy wife cant understand when I tell her that his mother is toxic manipulating and likes drama (not with the exact words but you get the point).\nI took my responsibility of my mothers stupid words but I cant always blame myself and parents.I would like to see it bothways.\nAnyway thanks for reading my drama story and sorry for my English.", "answer": "go for counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73wg51", "comment_id": "dntqfkk"}, {"question": "Websites for remote work for people with disabilities?", "description": "Are there any websites that advertise remote work that encourage people with disabilities to apply or focus on that?", "answer": "[Chronically Capable](https://www.wearecapable.org/)", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "eatak9", "comment_id": "faylwuj"}, {"question": "Need advice", "description": "I am falling for this girl that I have been talking to as friends for some time. She has a significant other. She is a mother. But her and this significant other are having some extremely hard times at the moment. Do I tell her how I feel or keep my comments to myself? ", "answer": "let her situation play out first", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pk0oz", "comment_id": "dcrprm9"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "You have a responsibility to choose for your own development, even if that means feeling like you let your parents and siblings down. You are not responsible for your parent's relationship or house. They seem not to be taking the necessary steps to work on the issues, until they do, they have no right to burden you with their issues and responsibilities like this.\nI'd advise you to get help to live by yourself and become financially independent. Medication and therapy can help but not replace this as long as it's not a team effort. \nDon't be your parent's therapist, troubleshooter, etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hct6zd", "comment_id": "fvilb4l"}, {"question": "I need some advice.. or an opinion. I feel stupid even asking..", "description": "I've been dating a guy for 4 months. It was going extremely well, we spoke all day every day over text and saw slept over at least twice a week. Last time I saw him, everything was great. Holding hands, being affectionate in public. Then 3 days later out of nowhere I get \"Im not ready to be serious, I think we should stop seeing each other\" followed by the \"oh I think you're amazing but im just not ready\". Obviously this sent me into a panic, was it me? Was I not pretty enough for him? Did I do or didnt do something?  Anyway...fast forward a week of crying and feeling down, I woke up to a text from him \"Dreamt about you, hope you're well\". What am I supposed to do with that? Im beyond confused, is he just genuinely letting me know or could it be something more? I'm pretty clouded with judgement as all I want to do is be back with him and I am trying not to read too much into a text. Any advice would be so helpful. BTW I am a 24yr old F and he is 27 ", "answer": "I would take him at his word that he doesn't want to be serious. Don't take it personally. It's not you. His dream text just means that he wouldn't mind fwb.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tjmu", "comment_id": "dn5ubk0"}, {"question": "How do I (40yr/f) stay sexually interested in partner in long-term relationship/ marriage (40 yr/m)?", "description": "So I noticed that so many of my girl friends seem to be uninterested in sex with their husbands. Since I have starting taking the pill, I also have had a significant reduction in my own sex drive. Being of a therapy/coaching background myself, I know a lot of the classic tips. Does anyone have any suggestions for what has worked for them? I am also debating if I should stop the pill..Thanks!", "answer": "for starters, you accept the fact that NOTHING is like NEW. life is a trade off. you can have 'new' every night, or familiar for life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zy4qb", "comment_id": "df20y74"}, {"question": "I need some encouragement and vent out right now.", "description": "My highest streak was 70 days and things were going amazingly well. However, living with parents, being addicted to video games has kept me in a loop where I am now constantly relapsing. I know what I need to do but breaking the first week or two is hard as fuck.\n\n​\n\nI strive to not fap but I always fall in a loop where I get bored and lonely and crave that dopamine fix. I'm stuck in a mindset where I'm smoking 24/7, fapping, and playing video games and I feel like such a loser. I can't go out because I have high anxiety from fapping and staying at home always leads to relapses. God damn it, I need to find a way to make this easier.", "answer": "That's tough man. What kind of goals and desires do you have? It's essential to have something good to fill the hole we leave by stopping a bad", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bn3nme", "comment_id": "en21dj2"}, {"question": "Should I add her on Facebook?", "description": "There is this girl in my uni classes that I'm kinda interested in and she also went to my school, but we never talked. I want to come up to her and initiate a conversation, but there's never a good moment, and it's been like this for almost two months. Either she is in class or out with her friend. I also know her facebook, because she went to my school and we have mutual friends. Should I add her on facebook and message her and say that she got recommended to me as a friend? Or would it be weird, given that we never spoke a word to each other?", "answer": "If I were in your shoes I would avoid it.  This may be my age coming out here (facebook was just getting started when I was in college) but if you want to have a legitimate chance of either being friends or dating I'd avoid it and try to find a chance to at least have some type of conversation/s, no matter how superficial, then go for the friend request later.  \n\n\nFriending someone on social media or sending messages via the internet prior to actually having any real life social contact can really give off a stalker vibe, which I'd assume you don't want as a first impression.  \n\n\nWhat's stopping you from walking up to her when you see her around campus, with her friend or not, and asking a question about class and following up with asking her about any events, parties, other things going on on-campus.  \"Hey, I didn't write down when the assignment was due.  Do you remember?\" or \"Hey have you heard anything about (insert on campus event).  What do you think about it?\"\n\n\nPlaying dumb and asking questions is a great way to initiate social interactions.  I probably feel the most comfortable talking to strangers when traveling/visiting somewhere I haven't been because I actually have a legitimate reason to ask folks questions.  \n\n\nHope this helps!\n\n[-The Webshrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9exm0p", "comment_id": "e5saww6"}, {"question": "Does the emotional impulsivity get better with meds?", "description": "I have a huge problem with \"latching on\" to whatever emotion I'm feeling and acting on it. It's usually harmless but annoying, especially to other people. It can manifest itself as droning on and on about something that I care about, or \"jumping ahead\" in a conversation because I know where I want the convo to go and I just do it.\n\n​\n\nIt becomes a problem when the emotions are strong and concern someone else. A breakup for example. Or trying to ask someone out and texting a long paragraph about when and schedules and what we can do (when all I got was a \"yeah we should hang out sometime\").\n\n​\n\nSo, endearing if not a little bit annoying at the least, but detrimental to my relationships and friendships at the most.\n\n​\n\nWhat's everyone's experience with this?", "answer": "I have just been on meds a few weeks. Normally I am very irritable and emotionally reactive and prone to lashing out at my husband now and then. Since starting Ritalin, I still experience some irritability or moodiness at times but feel much better able to manage the feelings without lashing out.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aeksc4", "comment_id": "edq58vz"}, {"question": "Posted some shit comments, people tore me down.", "description": "Made some shit comments about my disdain for those who commit suicide.   It's like I think about that shit daily.   I hate myself most days but I can't pass my pain on to my daughter.  I'm a mess.  \n\nBack to the subject I think suicide is a cowards way out.  See I say this because if I make it acceptable in my mind then I'll probably actually do it.  \n\nPeople didn't see that. They replied that I was being harsh and judgemental about a person's life I know nothing of.  That because I don't feel it's a good thing to do ever, that I'm insensitive to people's issues.\n\nI'm so fucking broken in my own mind.  I thrive on attention seeking and acceptance.   So when you make suicide get attention and acceptance it makes it sound more doable.   I hate myself because someone didn't get my point.  I am depressed now because it feel like an asshole.  When really, I just don't want suicide to be somewhat glorified.   \n\nFuck I feel like all of my thoughts suck.  My mind is like this is why you have no friends.  Your stories suck, your ideas suck and what you say sucks.   I should just die because I suck at being a person.  I can't be a good person if I just bash illnesses I have.  Fuck. I feel terrible.  Going to sleep.  ", "answer": "Lots of people think they have an \"opinion\" on suicide, but often the opinion is actually their feelings at the time not their actual, unbiased, long term goals. BPD is extremely compromising in terms of ability to see forward and see different emotional futures. Suicide is not necessarily a cowardly act but it is a very short sighted and reactive act that never ends with success. When people who survived jumping suicides were asked, over 90% said they regretted it immediately and wished they hadn't and everyone was glad they survived. Suicide is a very validating thought, but a horribly invalidating action. You were absolutely right to call people out for glorifying it or validating it as a way to deal. But people are going to hate on you for it because of what they are feeling at the time. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6on9mh", "comment_id": "dkiweq3"}, {"question": "Any suggestions for childhood trauma countering?", "description": "I\u2019m the aunt of two adorable and brilliant kiddos aged 4 & 3. As far back as I can remember my sister, their mother, has had extreme social/ behavioral issues. Her behavior includes weekly tantrums where she threatens (sometimes physically acts on the threats), verbally abuses, and has manipulate recollections of events to skew favor. Their father unfortunately is the same. He has caused my sister to get evicted from 2 homes bc he beats her and threatens neighbors. As far as I can think she\u2019s always been incredibly malicious and demented when in this state. Though when she\u2019s not acting out she\u2019s incredibly sweet and personable. She\u2019s almost 30 and I don\u2019t have space or energy for her anymore. My concern is with my niece and nephew. I fear the trauma they witness daily will negatively impact them. Not only will it impact their perception of reality but they\u2019ll be affected academically, socially, etc...They are already portraying signs of excessive aggression and manipulation. When the younger one gets happy he curses and hits things. When he\u2019s angry he spits and lunges for attack. When his older sister wants something she smiles, says \u201cI love you...can I ____?\u201d I tried to explain she doesn\u2019t have to do that but imagine being told one thing and experiencing another. I lived with my sister before moving out, I know how stressful and damaging it is. I feel so upset seeing them have to deal with her but it\u2019s like nothing my family or I do can properly counter it.\n\n*Shes been hospitalized 3x before due to her behavior- she doesn\u2019t get a proper diagnosis for retention.\n*Child protective services has been called before and my sister proceeded to slip into the kind homemaker role throwing them off the trail.\n*We (the family) don\u2019t want the kids to be taken and put into a facility bc no one is in a position to properly care for them. -too old/ too young/ or out of state for career.\n*What I\u2019ve mentioned is nothing compared to her true behavior...she\u2019s dangerous and I want to know how to counter her influence until I can make a solid plan or atleast spend more time with them.", "answer": "The absolute best thing for most kids in this situation is to be supportive of their parents. For example,  studies have found better outcomes when parents receive help than when kids are taken away .\n\nInstead of framing your sister as manipulative , how about framing her as a person in an abusive relationship, with mental illness who needs support to parent ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hd9skj", "comment_id": "fvjwar7"}, {"question": "Why do medical professionals dismiss/discredit the use of herbal remedies?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": ">Also, a lot of modern medicine has chemical compounds that were originally plant\\-derived.\n\nOr, to quote Tim Minchin:\n\n>By definition, alternative medicine has either not been proved to work or been proved not to work. Do you know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work? Medicine.\n\nThat process does occur, and that doesn't mean that herbal remedies can't work. Yes, there are perverse financial barriers to studying remedies that can't be patented and marketed. But there's also plenty of fervent touting of cures that have no evidence behind them. And there is also potential for harm or interaction, sometimes serious, as in the cases of failure of HAART \\(treatment for HIV/AIDS\\) because of those medications' interactions with St John's wort.\n\nThere is some amount of simple lag, where research supports something but the medical field is slow on the uptake. But there's also a way that we are conservative: if we don't know something works, or is even safe, with rigorous evidence we tend to steer people away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8g3p7g", "comment_id": "dy8o5rk"}, {"question": "Conversations running stale, don't know what to do", "description": "So here' she thing, I've been talking to some girls on Tinder and things have been going good. I've been traveling a lot lately so meeting up isn't easy right now and I'm trying to keep things running until there is a possibility to meet up.\n\nThe thing is, the first bit on tinder isn't that hard for me and in this stage I was able to keep this girl engaged and we were just getting to know each other. We had a really fun conversation, so far so good!\n\nHowever, now comes the hard part. I've been talking to her on tinder for about two weeks and have finally acquired her number, but now the conversation seems to get stale. I don't really know what to talk about anymore and for the last two days we've had less contact and the conversation was more about mundane day to day stuff, not really that engaging or fun. She doesn't start the conversation anymore and i don't know how to start having a fun conversation again just like we had on Tinder. The basic intro's like 'how was your day' after not having talked to her for more than a day just feel like me being boring and not really moving the conversation forward.\n\nShe seems really interesting and I would really like to meet up with her but right I'm worried I'm losing her interest by being boring.", "answer": "I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that you might find helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4dm2iv", "comment_id": "d1s8i9y"}, {"question": "Anyone else have dreams of accidentally drinking?", "description": "I've had two now where I'll be walking around in a dream, sipping on alcohol and then suddenly realize what I'm doing, freak out, wonder if I have to reset my badge because I mindlessly took a few sips of booze because I forgot I decided to quit drinking.  \n\nHappened this morning and I woke up in a cold sweat.", "answer": "Many times, I've dreamt of relapse and woken up terrified. I think the reaction we have to it is a good indicator of where we are with sobriety though.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i0i20", "comment_id": "cazv6qj"}, {"question": "Is this potentially an auditory hallucination?", "description": "Hello, I\u2019m a 24 year old white female. I have a history of Hashimoto\u2019s disease and PCOS. My medications are Metformin, Topamax, Birth Control, Synthroid, and Cymbalta.\n\nI have been noticing recently that I hear what sounds like a TV announcer (think news station or baseball game announcer) whenever I hear white noise. I say I have noticed it more recently, however it took moving out of my parents house to realize that I must have been hearing it for several years. When I would be home alone at their house, I just assumed someone left the TV on. \n\nIt has now escalated to the point that I thought my boyfriend was watching a video we like, that I texted him about it. He was not watching it, but I definitely *heard* it clear as day.  For reference, my birth mom, and grandmother both suffered from severe schizophrenia. Should I be concerned? So far the voices I hear don\u2019t say anything distinctly, except for the one about the video, and they have never said anything *to* me. \n\nHelp!", "answer": "You mentioned that it is linked to white noise - it is that you are hearing sounds when there is no sound, or that you are misinterpreting vague sounds that you are hearing? One is a hallucination and the other is an illusion. \n\nHallucinations can happen for all sorts of reasons - schizophrenia certainly involves more symptoms than just hallucinations. While your family history does confer more risk than the general population, I wouldn\u2019t necessarily jump to conclusions. \n\nIt would be a good idea to speak to your doctor though - it\u2019s something that at least should be monitored. For some folks, they have a period of symptoms like this and it goes away on its own, and for some folks it develops further. Most important thing is to keep an eye on it. \n\nYou also didn\u2019t mention substance use, but if you do have concerns about developing schizophrenia, one of the best ways to lower your risk is to abstain, particularly from substances that produce psychosis.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gycvd1", "comment_id": "ftao3j6"}, {"question": "If you were also suffering from depression when you were diagnosed, what treatment was offered, and did it also relieve you of your depression?", "description": "I ask this because I believe my depression to be a consequence of living with ADHD for so long. I would love to gain some insight from those of you that have been there.", "answer": "I'm currently battling through it myself. I was in graduate school at the time, finally went to a campus health MD at my friends' urging. She diagnosed me with depression and ADHD and, after about a year, found a mix of medications that helped me a lot. A lot a lot. Unfortunately, that was also right around the time when I lost insurance.\n\nI've started going to a nurse practitioner again but she is very cautious about prescribing medications (due to the possible interactions between antidepressants and stimulants). It's very frustrating to me and she actually just took me off of my Paxil and replaced it with Adderall; she thinks that I'm depressed because of the ADHD.\n\nSo, all of that to say that I may feem similarly to you. You're not alone.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2f5jey", "comment_id": "ck69m6q"}, {"question": "A giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. I just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) I hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. Fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "Agreed- I've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom.  It's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\"  \n  \nAll the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\"   - Thanks guys, I'm sure you know the situation better than I do.  \n  \nEdit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on?  These comments are HORRENDOUS.  But at least I can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "cctaahu"}, {"question": "i swear to god if there's an afterlife i'm gonna be so pissed", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": " See and here I\u2019m hoping there will be one  because that\u2019s my only chance of ever seeing my beloved baby again", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "ckuqxj", "comment_id": "evt1zgv"}, {"question": "Love GF[Both 21] Don't want to be in a relationship", "description": "I know she will hate me for breaking up with her. I've felt this way for around 6 months now and we have been going about 2 years. What do I do?\n\n\nHas anyone been in the same boat?", "answer": "Why do you not want to be in a relationship anymore?  Is it the relationship itself?  Did something happen (cheating, sudden loss, another big issue or stressor)?  What about the relationship is bothering you?  Are you still in love with your girlfriend or do you have feelings of love and caring towards her?  There is definitely a difference between the two.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1dj0w6", "comment_id": "c9qrz1g"}, {"question": "Me[22M] and a girl [21F] were about to starting dating when one of her friends [20M] got involved", "description": "So me and this girl I met at the university were about to start dating, we have been talking for months now and after 2 dates we finally told each other we were in love and we were ready to start dating.\n\nLast Saturday, her best friend asked for help with his girlfriend and took my friend at night to an abandoned house where he tried to have sex with her. My friend came home crying, saying she wanted to be with me and that she wish she didn't go but didn't tell me exactly what happened there. I started panicking cause she sounded like she was raped by him. The day after I pressured her to tell me what happened and she assured me he didn't force her to have sex with him but that he intended to. She then promised to stay away from him when we start dating, I thanked her for that due to my last relationship ending due to something similar.\n\nYesterday we met and she told me she didn't understand why I was so happy that she made that promise and that things wouldn't work between us cause I pressured her to know what happened and that I didn't trust her.\n\nIs it me I'm wrong? Like I just was scared that he had raped her and was worried about her, she sounded very different from what is usual when she got home that night. She blames me for all this and says that she always took me as someone who made her happy and not wanting to take happiness away from her. Should I keep  trying? \n\nTldr: me and a girl were about to start a relationship when a friend of hers tried to have sex with her, I pressured to know what happened cause I feared rape and now she says she doesn't think we'll work out.", "answer": "Don't pressure people to tell you things just cause you're scared. \n\nIf she was assaulted, you make her feel more attacked.  If she wasn't, you turn a close call into a crisis.\n\nJesus Christ. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4gbc", "comment_id": "dhbqhap"}, {"question": "A new Bio", "description": "So long over due. Alcohol has been my constant companion for 47 years. (Since 10 years old).  It has preoccupied every aspect of my life. My companion turned me in to a finely tuned,high functioning alcoholic. Good times, bad times, in a group or alone. It was always time for a drink. It was never time to stop. \n    My true companion, my wife has loved me and put up with my constant companion for 37 years. I've never been abusive in any way. We raised two sons that have turned into very good men.\n  I've been sober nearly 100 days now. Since my son and pregnant daughter in-law saw me black out and hit my head late one evening after a day  of vodka, then gin. (Told you I was a Finley tuned machine). The wife was out of town.\n  The new Bio:  I welcomed in to the world today, my first Grandchild. A beautiful baby girl. What an  incentive to stay my course. I want her mother to know that she will always be looked after at our house. I want my wife to know the other companion is gone. \n  I never want my baby girl to know a drunk Grandpa \n    I wrote this so I can look back and  remember this day. Thanks if you made it through the whole ramble. If it helps anyone, all the better\n    IWNDWYT ", "answer": "Great. What a gift a sober grand dad will be ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9eue23", "comment_id": "e5rxw9l"}, {"question": "Terrified of seizure", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Going straight from alcohol to a benzo taper is standard management to prevent seizures. Librium itself has such a long half-life that it does a decent job self-tapering. You're probably going to be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e11xcc", "comment_id": "f8l6zee"}, {"question": "How to get invited to things over the summer?", "description": "So 2mrw is the last day of school, I've only recently started to be more social within the last month, for the first 9 months of school I was so focused on work and getting straight A's. I've made a couple of good friends but with the rest of my friends I'm pretty awkward and rarely speak unless spoken to, so how do I get invited to things?", "answer": "Ask them what they're doing and if it sounds interesting, ask if you can tag along.  \n\nThe other way is to start inviting them to do things with you.  If you never do this, it's likely they'll either get the impression you don't want to be bothered with them or it's not worth inviting you to do things because you won't reciprocate.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8nmey3", "comment_id": "dzwnc5e"}, {"question": "Daily Reflection April 26", "description": "HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT\n\nI don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?\n\n\u2014 AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306\n\nIn my search \"to be happy,\" I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt\u2014financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I'm learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, \"When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.\" (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)\n\n", "answer": "This was a good reminder for me, thank you.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "8f1m3g", "comment_id": "dy0cocd"}, {"question": "Unprofessional therapist behavior", "description": "I've not had the best experience with therapists being professional.\n\nI mean no offense to any out there.\n\nI am considering going to my now 8th therapist. After asking her for an appointment, she did not notify me on how to get to her office or anything. I guess she expected me to find that information on my own. I had to ask. Also, after asking for her address, she then asked me to fill out new patient paperwork- something she had failed to do prior. Is this indicative of the fact that she might be disorganized, overwhelmed and thus unable to be focused and present? These issues are what I have ran into before it seems.\n\nI feel like I have been throwing money at therapy. I have take kernels of wisdom from each but have not been able to form a solid connection and relationship with any of them.\n\nI am going for EMDR, which is thought to not need a very strong connection with a therapist to work so maybe it doesn't matter.\n\nI know this might sound silly, but is her behavior over e-mail unprofessional or am I just coming from a jaded place of failed therapy attempts?", "answer": "Folks in my office (I contract) who do scheduling don\u2019t give directions information; I think they assume people will just look up the address and use their phones to locate the office. They do ask folks to come in early to fill out paperwork, but it\u2019s certainly possible they could forget. If she is doing all her own scheduling it may have just been an oversight.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bomdvc", "comment_id": "enig9zg"}, {"question": "Accepting my (23/f) boyfriend's (23/m) flaws???", "description": "Hello! \nI'll preface all of this by saying that I do have generalized anxiety disorder, and am VERY prone to overthinking/overanalyzing things and how people respond to me and others. I notice every facial expression, body language, everything! I'm very self-conscious about my own personality and often question whether people actually like me. I get annoyed with people easily and I'm quick to notice their negatives. I am in therapy and have been working on this for as long as I can remember.\n\nAnyway, I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and he's my best friend. He's incredibly thoughtful, responsible, hardworking, caring, handsome, and sexy. However, I've been noticing some things lately. First off, I'm 5'5 and he's 5'7 so we're pretty much the same height. Obviously if I had a huge issue with this I never would've started dating him in the first place. But I do worry about what OTHER people think of him. His friends give him crap all the time about being \"short\", plus I hear jokes about other \"short\" guys and it makes me really self-conscious about it what people think when they see us together. He's also confident in himself and will share stories about his experiences if their related to the conversation. I often worry that people think he's \"bragging\" or something like that, but again I'm also very self conscious about sharing my own experiences because I don't want to be that person either, so maybe it's my own insecurities coming out. He grew up really poor and never had the money to get his teeth fixed/cleaned regularly, so I'm also worried that people judge him for that too.\n\nI feel so terrible admitting all of that because he treats me SO well and accepts all of my flaws and imperfections, and encourages me to be myself and even prefers me without makeup in sweats with my hair up. \n\nHelp :/  \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "You're overthinking. Successful relationships are all about loving someone enough that you accept the whole package. If you have a loving relationship and good health, NOTHING else matters until  babies come along", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzxz6", "comment_id": "dloxolp"}, {"question": "[20/f] Need help on how to approach [20/f] girlfriend about drinking", "description": "Hi all my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 9 months and been dating for around 6. We are in a flourishing relationship and tell each other love you. We go to the same college and we both like to party. I am in a fraternity and she is not in a sorority, I say this because I am living in a frat which means girls and alcohol are always around. So that means she trusts me a lot.\n\n She has great friends that I get a long with but it does worry me because they are crazy party girls and a majority of them are single. We respect each others friend time by not trying to contact one another if possible when were out. We've only got in a couple arguments so far but that was due to me confronting her about a couple things that bothered me, which is now in the past and I believe strengthened our relationship. We both have pasts of getting pretty drunk and blacking out which doesn't bother me because its in the past, but I have caught her a couple times where she will say she didn't black out but won't remember most of her night. That is what bothers me. I want to talk to her about blacking out and how we should probably not be doing that while we are in relationship due to the risk of being taken advantage of or making a mistake. \n\n This is where I need help, how can I start a conversation with her about this and ask politely or without confronting her to be more careful about her drinking and I in turn doing the same? I don't think it's a good idea for me to be blacking out while living inside a fraternity due to plenty of girls being around all the time, and am hoping she feels the same way. \n\nThanks reddit.", "answer": "be direct and firm", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tu326", "comment_id": "dlni1ia"}, {"question": "Feeling Unfit For Society/Behind", "description": "I'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. To give you some backstory, I never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). When I was younger, the only \"real\" friends I had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than I) and two of my childhood friends (one, when I was about 7-9 and another when I was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). Most of my childhood was spent alone and I developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. Thus, I never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. I had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). I spent all four years of my highschool alone. Sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. Literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. Come college and I dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. I felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (I used to get told that I always had a frown on my face and people would assume I was mad, even when I wasn't). And for the last 2 years, I took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and I fell into deep depression where I was contemplating suicide for months. Felt I had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). However, I've decided that either I'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. My first step is by getting a job. I only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when I was 16 (only 1 month of work). I feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what I was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since I dropped out). I also want to get friends and a girlfriend. Right now, I have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. I have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. Other than that, I get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. I have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. I also have no idea on how to make friends... I feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "Consider going to therapy.  I think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around.  You can ABSOLUTELY do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "e4rt7xs"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "As Ram Dass points out, the problem with drugs is that you always come back down. Luckily being present is always available to us if we can train our minds to be receptive to it.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ttcto", "comment_id": "c4pnffk"}, {"question": "I'm [24/f] confused as to why I have a hard time feeling deep emotion about people close to me. Any psychologist out here?", "description": "So ever since I can remember I have had trouble making deep connections with people. I find it easy to casually talk to people, and I'm very good at small talk. If I want to be I can be charming and \"funny\" according to people around me but recently I've found it so... tedious. I can definitely feel emotion but I honestly find it easier to feel emotion when I see other people feeling it. I would like to say that I am very good at empathy actually, and maybe that's because I make a good effort at it. \n\nI'm finally fed up with not making deep connections with anyone. The best way for me to describe it is that I don't think I would care if someone around me died. I also don't really have any deep friendships, and not from lack of availability. I have made 'connections' with people plenty of times and we almost always tend to get along well but I don't feel comfortable completely trusting people in a way where I feel like I'm a burden on others. I also think I like spending time by myself, just working out by myself, watching tv by myself, reading... I sometimes just cancel on people to be by myself because even though it can be 'fun' to hang out with other people, it's so draining. Understanding other people's emotions and reacting accordingly is hard.\n\nA little background. I moved around a lot as a child so I can't recall any long time childhood friends and I was also a very dedicated students so I always focused on that. I am actually going to school to be doctor right now so I guess things haven't changed much. I have a bad relationship with my dad (molested me) and my mother is a low-key narcissist. My mother and I get along from far away but there isn't any real animosity there. \n\nI also have a fiance, and he is the closets person I have in the world but.... Idk I feel like if he died I would be definitely lost, confused but not in the way I see people in TV. I'm not sure how sad I would feel. \n\nI also would like to point out that I'm not exactly sure how much I care about living myself. People tend to tell me that I think 'coldly and logically' once they get to know me better and I stop trying to be 'charming and funny' and I feel like as I get older I keep wondering what the point of life is, what death means and what the difference between them is. Anyways, it's definitely been worse recently and I would like to feel better. \n\nEdit: I just want to make it clear, I do have emotions. I'm not a robot. I have emotions and one of the things I like to do is to break down my emotions and understand what makes me feel the way I do so that I can do something about it. I tend to be an over-analyzer. Anyways, I have emotion but for some reason I have a hard time connecting to people. \n\nAnother good example of what I'm trying to explain: I've had dogs my whole life, and I have a dog right now which I've had for about 4 years. I take very good care of her, but she has been annoying me a little bit right now. I realize I want to get rid of her. I don't know why that idea doesn't bother me as much as I think it should but it doesn't. I want to give her to my mother or to someone else and just forget about her. ", "answer": "you could be depressed; talk to your doctor.\nyou might be essentially introverted; thus you form fewer but deeper connections, which right now is your bf.\ncertainly the parents/trauma you describe could make someone be more closed up and guarded about life.\nyou'r clearly smart and thoughtful. i would rule out clinical depression first, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjm24", "comment_id": "ddn2w34"}, {"question": "[Conversation Help] Need major advice.", "description": "Hello Socialskills,\nSo here is what I would love help or advice with.  I have a date tomorrow and I'm TERRIBLE, absolutely terrible at keeping conversations going when it's one on one.  I have no clue what to say to keep the conversation going so I always wait till they talk first and I can usually follow up but they -ALWAYS- have to talk first but I really want to try and keep the conversation going myself but I'm clueless on what to say.  What are things that aren't too personal or expansive that I can pinpoint and talk about or potentially find key things to talk about.  I'm not much of a person that has conversation but the reason I was asked out is because we have two classes together but we always are in groups of people.  I love groups because there's no pressure for me to start the topic and I can just expand on it, but I'm so nervous and I have no clue what is socially acceptable to keep the conversation going.  If there is any advice or suggestions for what I should say or anything I'd be extremely grateful.  As of right now I'm just entirely lost and I really don't wanna drop out of it because I would really enjoy a new friendship.  But with the feeling I have right now I just want it to be over with and gone.  That's not going to help me make it an exciting or fun time.  Advice on how to be goofy or comical would be great help too, I am more than willing to do some reading but I just don't know where to look.  I hope this all makes sense I'm about to lose it over something that shouldn't be this difficult but I've just done something like this before.\n\nTL;DR\nFirst date ever, extremely nervous.  Don't know how to start different conversations that are socially acceptable.  Horrible at making conversations funny or goofy and really need help.  \n\nI'm 20 and go to college if this helps at all in the advice you give.\n\nThank you for reading and would love any type of advice :|", "answer": "Read [this guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). It will be a really good crash course for you.\n\nBeyond that, don't freak out. It's your first date, but it won't be your last. Just relax and have fun :) Don't let the anxiety get to you--if you do, it will be much harder for you to do a good job at conversation.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11vgej", "comment_id": "c6pznwm"}, {"question": "[22/f] I'm an open book & struggle with insecurity & trusting my boyfriend [25/m] because of it.", "description": "UPDATE: I know it's been a while, but tbh, I initially made a Reddit account just to post this. I realize that no one had a feel for my full situation, but every response helped. Who knew that a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you to knock it off would help, but hey, it most definitely did. I did my best to hear ya'll out & heed your advice. I've tried to step back & chill out. Since then, my SO started opening up to me more often. I recognize that he has been more patient with me than I could ever ask for. \n\nI guess what I really want to say is, \"Thanks for the reality check Reddit.\"\n\nBackground : I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now. We met through a group of work friends shortly after I got out of an engagement (cheating fianc\u00e9). He had just ended a relationship & was doing the Tinder thing & I was in a downward spiral of poor decisions & rebounds. After a terrible drunken night of mistakes, we decided to start over again as just friends. Months later, our hangouts turned into tipsy hookups & eventually we realized that it was more than that. That's when I found out he had a thing still going with one of the tinder girls, which he broke off shortly after. About 8 months after that, we made it official & moved in together. \n\nThat's when I found out that, up until me, he had a \"type\"-big blonde/red head girls that sing. (Not petite brunettes with the voice of a cat getting hit by a lawnmower. Lol) I struggled with that for awhile until I finally accepted that it was just a coincidence. I told him about my insecurity & joked about it with him. He reassured me that he loved me & invited me to his family Thanksgiving & Christmas, etc. \n\nEverything was going fan-fucking-tastic until I (for absolutely no reason) got insecure & looked up his browsing history. I don't know why I was so upset to find what I went looking for when I read \"big blondes gone wild\". I immediately regretted snooping around. I felt absolutely terrible. I knew I needed to apologize & tell him what I had done, I knew it was grounds for him to dump me on my ass. Because of this dilemma, I was just  pissy around him for the next week  until he finally questioned me, and I told him what I did, explaining that I understood if he was done with me for breaking his trust. \n\n(BTW, I watch a lot of porn myself. And I know that pretty much every dude does too. I'm cool with it.) \n\nHe got super upset by what I did, and I don't blame him. I broke his trust. I was upset but apologized & explained that it made me feel insecure because he was so secretive about the fact that he watches porn & because all his exes were also \"big blonde girls\", which I'm definitely not. He was still super upset.. Almost sad (?). He  just said he was embarrassed & felt terrible that somwone found out... Which may made me insecure all over again because now it made it seem like I had caught him cheating or something. I told him that it's more than ok... That I watch porn all the time, and explained that I'm cool with him watching porn as long as he is still into me & doesn't put off actual sex because of it. I even offered to watch it together sometimes if he wanted. We patched everything up until everything was going good again. \n\nIt's been a couple months now, & he still hasn't mentioned anything about it even though I know he still watches it every time I'm not around. I still constantly find myself feeling crazy because porn (in any context) is still not a kosher subject, but also because I sometimes feel like he's talking to other girls that are more his \"type\". I realize most of these thoughts are irrational, but I don't want to bring it up again and make it seen like I'm nagging. \n\nTL;DR: started dating bf while he was \"taken\". I already have trust issues. He watches porn secretly. I confronted him & told him I knew I was OK with it. I opened up to him about my \"secrets\". He doesn't reciprocate & isn't as open about emotions as I am. It makes me insecure but I don't want to nag & make things worse. \n\nAm I being irrational by worrying?\n\n**edits: changed wording to clear up confusion ", "answer": "Of course he got defensive and doesn't think it's safe to talk about this stuff: you snooped and then held exactly this kind of stuff against him. \n\nYou disclosing a bunch of stuff does not unring the bell of you using his sexual interests as fodder for criticizing him/going into a panic spiral about what it all means. \n\nYou need to drop it and let it stay dropped.  And then pick up the phone and call a therapist. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6buyvi", "comment_id": "dhpqfpr"}, {"question": "Saying goodbye to my psychologist", "description": "Hi everyone, I'm graduating university soon and that means I have to say goodbye to my university psychologist. She helped me so much. I was away from home, from my family and my anxiety was really bad (I have ocd) and she was the first person that believe in me and understood what was going on in my brain and made feel like I wasn't crazy. 3 years passed and I'm so much better, I'm a totally diferent person. In my last consult we both started crying because next consult it will be my last.\nSo I want to make something special, a little something to say thank you. Nothing can pay what she did to me but I want to give her something that she could keep and remember me because I will never forget her.\n\nSorry for the long post\n\nI need ideas people ;) ", "answer": "The general ethical rule most agencies enforce is nothing over $5.  As a therapist the most meaningful gifts I have received from clients were letters, original poetry, cds from clients who were musicians, or random homemade things.  \n\n\nI\u2019m so happy to hear you had a great experience.  Even just sharing the ways in which your therapist helped you will be incredibly meaningful for them.\n\n\nI can only speak for myself but whenever I\u2019ve had clients who stuck with me for that long I haven\u2019t forgotten them even years removed from our last contact. Often times clients touch our lives and teach us just as much as we teach them.  The process of therapy is beautiful!   Congrats on your graduation as well!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8kenyy", "comment_id": "dz7l8gy"}, {"question": "I [19/m] wish I could help my [19/f] girlfriend be less lonely", "description": "I don't know how to fix this situation. I've never posted here but writing this out feels good. So here it goes\n\nI know my girlfriend is feeling lonely and depressed. But, whenever were together things feel great. She's energetic and funny and great to be around, although when we have to spend a significant amount of time apart she gets lonely and feels as though no one is interested in being her friend. She's a very social person and being alone for too long really gets her down. I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for her. \n\nSometimes I feel like spending less time together could help her create other relationships outside of our own, but it's hard not to be together for extended periods of time on a consistent basis because we live together. I feel closer to her then any other friends and I know she feels than same. \n\nI guess i just want a way to help her make new friends. I know this isn't something I can really influence and she has to do it on her own, but it's hard to watch someone you care a lot about feel that way. Any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "Oh my god that sounds like something my SO would say about me. I don't have any advice, though. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to endure. I hope she figures something out. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "41z673", "comment_id": "cz6c66t"}, {"question": "Why am I being forced to go to the ER?", "description": "My mother in law has a history of psychosis, and has been hospitalized for it 3 times in the last 10 years.  She had an episode beginning last week and reached out to her regular provider, which is a nurse practitioner with the ability to prescribe her meds.  After not sleeping for 6 days and being given a new anti-pyschotic and still not sleeping, we convinced her to be admitted to the hospital.  \n\nThe NP has admitting privledges and agrees she should be admitted, but told us we had to go to the ER.  The ER is full, so my mental ill MIL, who thinks that everyone in a uniform is plotting against her is sitting in a hallway in the ER, there are police and medical professionals everywhere, she is bugging out.  We have been here 5 hours and all they did was a 5 minute interview with an ER physican and we are awaiting transport to the behavioral health unit.\n\nWhy were we sent here?  We can't afford the $1000 co-pay for an ER visit, and we've received no care here.  Why is the hospital doing this do her instead of admitting her directly at the direction of her primary care doctor?  ", "answer": "Any update?\n\nI assume that you are in the US, whose mental health provision at times sounds completely illogical to me, so ill defer to an American mental health professional to give you a definitive answer.\n\nWas lack of sleep the only symptom?\n\nIf admission was indicated, id agree with you in principle, the initial assessor who as access to inpatient beds should be making the call. It could be that there is a suspicion of an underlying medical cause that might need excluded via ER though. Or maybe the NP was being a lazy shit.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vednu", "comment_id": "de1hsow"}, {"question": "[22/f] Having sex with my boyfriend [21/m] hurts me!", "description": "I don't even know how to state it... I don't like having sex with my boyfriend. The problem is, even tho he is a sweetheart in everyday life, he is very self-centered in bed. I am not the first girl he slept with, but I lost my virginity with him. He rushes through undressing me and obligatory kissing my body for a few minutes and then we either have oral or regular sex. To be honest, I haven't even once been comfortable. It is always painful and feels like he's gonna fuck my head off. He also uses WAAAY too much strenghth when it comes to touching me. I sometimes try to push his hands away but I don't think he takes the hint. He also seems to not notice that my moans are ones of pain not of pleasure. When he is very turned on he sometimes speaks dirty to me but it only makes me feel like a whore, simply because I'm not turned on! He often says things like moan! or say my name! when I don't feel like to even one bit. I tried to drop subtle hints, I even openly talked to him about it and he said he'll try to make it better. Then we had an okay sex twice and it went back to our routine. He does it the same everytime and when he orgasms, he says he starts feeling guilty and promises to try harder next time. It's not like he doesn't try, I can see he does, but it's just not working... It's like he knows what he should do when we talk about it but his mind goes blank once we make it to bed. What should I do? I love him but I don't think sex should feel like a chore? I've never had sex with anyone else, maybe he's doing it right and I'm just too sensitive? Please help!", "answer": "NEVER have uncomfortable sex. Talk to him and explain what you need. If he can't abide, then he's too immature to be with you. You deserve attentiveness, respect and patience. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6exvmr", "comment_id": "die1als"}, {"question": "My fear", "description": "I am not scared living in my home. I am scared of someone breaking in when I sleep no matter where I live. Is this bad? How can I suppress this fear? ", "answer": "I think seeing a therapist would be helpful. This is a common fear for people with anxiety. In the meantime though you can try using self talk to calm you down. Learning mindfulness activities could help. Also taking a self defense class could help you feel empowered. I hope you find something that works tho- fear is the worst. You don't deserve to go through everyday having to battle that!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72hr3m", "comment_id": "dninh35"}, {"question": "Risk of seratonin syndrome with these two anti anxiety meds?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: female\nHeight: 5'8\"\nWeight: 130 lbs\nRace: white\nDuration of complaint: a couple months\nLocation: Naperville Illinois\nAny existing medical issues: anxiety and digestive issues\nCurrent medications: Nortel birth control and 40 mg Prozac\n\nHi,\nI've been on Prozac for probably about ten years. A few months ago, my doctor prescribed me 5 mg of buspirone to take a couple times a day as needed. I didn't start it right when she prescribed it because I had a very rigorous internship at the time and couldn't afford to be drowsy or suffer any side effects. Since then, I've scared myself out of taking it after reading online about the possibility of seratonin syndrome. I've seen websites that say you should never take the two together but my doctor didn't even mention the risk. Does this dosage combination sound ok? Thanks!", "answer": "The combination is used routinely. I can find a case report of buspirone and fluoxetine *maybe* causing serotonin syndrome, but it's rare enough that a single case was worthy of publication.\n\nI have seen patients taking twice as much Prozac, more than twice as much buspirone, and still be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8dd0b", "comment_id": "ejx99n4"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (25/m) constantly jokes with me (23/f) and insults me in various ways.", "description": " He has told me that he loves me and loves my body however, he regularly calls me names like big girl (I'm 115 lbs 5'6) and tells me my body parts are ugly.  He follows everything with \"I'm just joking.\"  I have told him it is sometimes annoying but he hasn't mellowed out.  I don't want to lose him but I don't want this to lower my self-esteem. When he makes comments about my body and I say that the comment is not true he either agrees and says he knows that I'm beautiful and thats why its funny or he just says that I am no fun because I can't take a joke.  Am I being too sensitive?  Ive never been with someone who offended my body or brains, even in a joking way.  Thanks", "answer": "he is immature.....the point is he doesn't respect your wish for him not to 'joke' like that", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o8h1a", "comment_id": "dchfq0q"}, {"question": "I'm [F 23] afraid to meet my nevermet [M 27] bcs low self-esteem. Any advice?", "description": "LONG VERSION of the story:\n I [F24] have met him [M 27] online and we clicked like I never did with anyone else before (either irl or online). We are from different countries (but this is not a problem -yet?-) and we had chemistry at the first line :)). At first I didn't take it seriously since we are from different countries. I think this helped me 'cuz I'm an introvert otherwise and I kind of overthink every situation. So we talked about any kind of things and we ended up sexting and we shared pics (nudes more or less). I enjoyed chatting with him so I couldn't stop myself for getting more and more involved. We talked about this and he said he feels the same, that it's weird but cute in the same time. It started to feel like a relationship (even sexted on a daily basis). I started to care about him and he started to worry about me (like a bf would do). We exchanged lots of pictures and mini-vids but we never skyped. After few months we started to really talk like a couple (saying cute stuff and shit to each other) and we decided to see each other which is the greatest thing ever because I am really into him and I like him in every way I got to see him 'till now but here it comes the problem: I am super shy at first (as I said I am a solid introvert) and I kinda have low self esteem and I know that this will sound stupid but I'm thinking that I always send him the best pics of myself and I'm so afraid that he will be dissapointed when he will see me irl. This idea is haunting me and it stops me from wanting to see him (I also thought to cancel and never see him bcs I'm afraid that he will not like me enough and the idea of him being dissapointed breaks my heart) I really don't know what to do. I have no problems in seeing guys and have dates (that surprisingly always went good) but I see this guy as the perfection and sometimes I'm pretty intimidated by him and I feel like I'm not good-looking enough for him and yada yadda. Also he always says that everything will be so perfect when we will meet because he never met someone who seems to be so cool (this makes me more anxious).\n\nTL;DR:\n I [F23] have met him [M 27] online (different countries). Instant click and chemistry. We kind of become an online couple. After almost an year we want to see each other irl. We sent dozens of pics and mini-videos but never skyped. I have low self esteem and I'm worried that he will not like me irl.\n\nWhat should I do to get over this fear? Did you experienced something like this? P.S. any advice or oppinion is welcomed. I'm really curious what you people think of this.", "answer": "you can only be yourself. if he doesn't like you for you, he's the wrong guy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmjrr", "comment_id": "dbp01vx"}, {"question": "No Doctors Available, Possible Overdose Symptoms or Something Else?", "description": "I posted this the other day and have yet to receive a response.  I am a bit worried, as no doctor in my country can currently see patients and I cannot even get through by phone.  Would someone here be able to enlighten or advise me on these symptoms?\n\nOver the course of a few days, I developed a head tremor (a side to side shaking, like a 'no' gesture), that by the third day was constant.  Though I can consciously suppress the shaking, it feels better not to do so.  This is combined with a headache - it is not so much pain, but rather an uncomfortable pressure combined with numbness and an odd feeling like the sort of sensation you get before loosing consciousness, yet I do not feel dizzy.  My energy and concentration are suffering, and I feel an almost constant need for sleep, despite having had plenty. Oh, and I have been unconsciously tilting my head significantly to the right.\n\nP.S. I had a fever for a few days before onset, but it cleared up before the tremor began.  I had since also noticed a swelling protruding below the front base of my right rib cage, which I assume (but could be wrong) is my liver, or possibly my gall-bladder.\n\nCould this be an accidental overdose of a vitamin supplement or something like that?  Nothing I can find online about the onset of a head-tremor matches my other symptoms or otherwise lack thereof.  And though at first I thought I was experiencing some kind of neurological event, all the symptoms lessened significantly after I ceased eating for a couple days, so I really have no idea... I suppose the lack of GI symptoms might rule out the cause being something I ingested though?\n\nI am 37 years old, caucasian, 5'10\" in height, 180 lb, I do not smoke, I drink very rarely, I do not take drugs, my cholesterol and blood-pressure are fine, and I am not currently on any medication, though I do take vitamin and mineral supplements.  I have MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), mild iron-deficiency anaemia, and mild alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency.\n\nP.S. I am not in any pain, and other than my head and the fatigue, I do not feel ill.", "answer": "Although your symptoms do not sound familiar to me, I would recommend you see a physician.  You need a physical exam, I can't give it through the internet. \n\nSpend all day on the phone to get through if you have to.\n\nPerhaps you can photograph the protrusion and film the tremor in the mean time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmhc1z", "comment_id": "fl4jp37"}, {"question": "Mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "Hi MDs.\n\nI'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. I have issues with high BP (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. Adrenal gland CT, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. Recently I've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. I still work out and I don't have any more issues breathing than normal. But sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and I'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. Any ideas?\n\nEdit: I don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. I am on an anticonvulsant (Lamictal/Lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. Also, yes, I know my BP is wild. It varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "If medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "fht0r3e"}, {"question": "How to help a person with an eating disorder get help?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'm assuming that you are in the US?\n\nAnyway, you can contact medical professionals with your concerns, which will be recorded, but unless he chooses to seek help or his (mental or physical) health is an acute risk, they wont be able to help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "64nxmv", "comment_id": "dg4iyaf"}, {"question": "Father is very sick and I'm in college. Should I drop out?", "description": "My dad was admitted into the ICU two weeks ago.  I skipped my whole first week and a half of classes.  I just started going back today.  My mom and I have basically been living in the hospital since he's been here.  We don't know what's going to happen.  Even the doctor's can't tell us.  Now my mom and aunts/uncles are telling me that I should drop out of classes for this semester.  I talked to my cousins and they all say it's a bad idea and I need to stay in school.  I decided that I want to do my best to attend classes and if it comes to it, I can do a late withdrawal.  I have already communicated with all my professors and they have all been very willing to accommodate.  \nMy concern is I don't want to go to school and then regret it if something happens and I am not in the hospital with my family.  I also don't want to withdraw from classes and then regret doing that.  \nAm I being selfish by not dropping my classes?  ", "answer": "Are you meeting with a counselor/therapist? School health services should be able to hook you up whether you drop out or not, but now is a good time to get yourself all the help you can get. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6yipg4", "comment_id": "dmo0bq9"}, {"question": "I need help about jealousy and to know if it\u2019s blinding my reasoning or I\u2019m right to be upset f(24) m(24)", "description": "y dutch boyfriend came to visit surprime me for a week. His flight back to Amsterdam had a stop of 15 hours in London and he has to go to school tomorrow and he would arrive all tired and zombie to university and his job, I did not want this for him so I looked up a flight from London to Amsterdam so he could arrive home today, I did find one and I bought for him so he did not have to wait all that time without sleeping or little and very uncomfortable sleeping at the airport (he had no money for a hotel or anything). The thing is that he got home a few hours ago and I was obviously happy that he would get the rest and sleep he needs for tomorrow. Out of the blue he told me that he had been talking during the whole flight with this girl, that he helped her with her stuff and that she asked his Facebook when they landed. He said he mentioned me in their conversation but the fact that he actually gave it to her made me super jealous, I mean why would he do that? It's not like he really knows her. Also he is super jealous. I am mexican and whenever I am with him in Europe he does not let me go because for some reason Europeans find me attractive (I do not consider myself attractive or pretty or anything tbh), he on the other hand is handsome. I am quite sure that if the situation was backwards he would also be super jelly and upset, he says he wouldn't but I know him and he would, especially over the fact of me giving my Facebook to a guy who has been talking to me during the whole trip which makes him a hypocrite. I have told some friends about this and many say he disrespected me which makes me feel even worse. I feel like I need an objective opinion from you guys. Please help and sorry for the long text.\n\ntl;dr boyfriend visited me and I bought him a ticket earlier so he could be fresh at uni. He met a girl on the plane and she asked his Facebook which he agreed to give her. He would lose his mind if I did the same.", "answer": "social media is not cheating. you either trust him or you don't.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76yb0a", "comment_id": "dohnq8j"}, {"question": "Just had to reset my badge", "description": "I hope that the more I practice quitting, the easier it will become. \nI was doing pretty good at the beginning of the summer, so good that after a few weeks without alcohol, I thought I could drink in moderation, not to get drunk. \n\nToday I celebrate my fourth hangover in the past month. \n/s\n\nThings have been extremely stressful lately and I've been using alcohol to cope (again) \nIT FUCKING DOESN'T HELP! \nIt just makes the next day more difficult. \n\nThanks for reading\n\nIwndwyt", "answer": "I\u2019ve been working on quitting for 15 years. I\u2019ve metaphorically reset my badge hundreds of times before reddit came around. I\u2019m always proud of my sobriety during and once it\u2019s ended (at least I was sober for a little while) then I focus on the next sober stint. Not sure how long this one will last, but I\u2019m fucking optimistic. I\u2019m not gonna worry about it, I\u2019m happy I didn\u2019t drink today and I\u2019m focusing on tomorrow. \n\nAll the best mate!\nIWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9k96zn", "comment_id": "e6xy8zz"}, {"question": "Girlfriend advice please", "description": "I am 22 and I've been dating the same girl for seven years. I love her so much and she loves me. During the first year of our relationship I found out she cheated on me (not sex but everything else) with her ex. I stayed with her because she seemed so remorseful and everything else. Through the years all has been well other than a couple guy friends she has had that I had to tell her to cut off because she was either spending an abnormal amount of time with them or there were a few texts that I saw that I didn't like. Just recently I noticed she went on her exs fb and looked through his profile pics and also I saw her texting a guy she just met and the texts just didn't sit well with me as she was talking about personal stuff.. (I won't go into detail). Also she snapchats him and follows him on Instagram and fb and they literally just met. Anyways, what should I do in this situation? She's not going behind my back or anything, but it's just not something I think she should be doing when we are literally talking about getting engaged!!", "answer": "She doesn't seem to want the kind of relationship you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6idqyq", "comment_id": "dj5e3yr"}, {"question": "Why do I feel nervous every day without any cause?", "description": "It's like that for at least a year (but I think it's actually more than 4 years. I have always seen it as a normal thing, I started observing it just a few months back). I feel nervous every single day often for hours, without any reason, just out of the blue. Also, every little thing can make me feel nervous. It's absolutely totally uncomfortable feeling.\n\nI would almost say it's anxiety, but I don't experience 80% of the symptoms so it can't be that.\n\nDoes anyone have any clue, at least a hint about what is happening? (I can't even Google it; when I search up \"being nervous all the time\" every result is about anxiety, which, as I said, is very unlikely that I have).\n\n\n\nage+sex: 15M\n\nheight: 185cm / 6'1\n\nweight: 67kg / 148lb\n\nrace: white\n\nduration: 4 years\n\nmedications: none\n\nNo smoking, drinking or drugging", "answer": "Let me just say this - the amount of energy that you are putting into worrying about whether you have anxiety and whether you are exaggerating or not - suggests anxiety.  So does the amount of worrying you are doing about going to see a doctor to talk about the possibility of anxiety.  All of those things are potentially manifestations of anxiety.  \n\nThere can be physical causes of nervousness for sure - but whether or not there is a physical cause, it is a real problem that needs to be dealt with.  You will be far less miserable once you get it taken care of.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4h1fi", "comment_id": "fhr6oit"}, {"question": "19F - since i've been seeing people make powerpoints...", "description": "[...i've decided to make my own!](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1F_J_t4UVlcPLykuHFoI7oXKapwrqKjcDfGplzNsp2Cw/edit?usp=sharing) \n\ndid i spend an hour making it and trying to make it look good instead of doing hw? *...yes.*\n\nwas it worth it? *i don't know, but at least it looks nice. hehe.*", "answer": "I messaged you!", "topic": "Needafriend", "post_id": "fxjeg3", "comment_id": "fmuqgo2"}, {"question": "I know I need a therapist but I have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can\u2019t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone", "description": "Title is really a TLDR. I am aware that I do need to speak to someone that isn\u2019t a friend or family member but it\u2019s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. Especially since I don\u2019t trust them.\n\nWhen I was younger I had to go and see a therapist and I\u2019ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. My parents didn\u2019t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. I genuinely believed it would help me and my family but I hated it so much. It was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. The therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn\u2019t let me focus on happy memories. He had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. The second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. And I never knew how to talk to my parents about it. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.\n\nI convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn\u2019t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if I \u201cstopped listening to all that\u201d (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.\n\nEarlier this year I gave it one last shot and holy shit I\u2019ve never been so patronised in my life. Spoke to me like I was going to break easier than a soaking A4 page. I ceased sessions before they kicked off.\n\nNow I\u2019m at the point in my life where I really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but I can\u2019t to my parents because they\u2019ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won\u2019t be any different, and I don\u2019t want to mention it to my friends because I feel like they\u2019re gonna just disregard me.\n\nI\u2019m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken. \n\nI really don\u2019t know how long I can continue pretending that I don\u2019t cry everyday and that I just want some loving contact and some stability in my life. \n\nI honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. This life is gonna be one hard slog.", "answer": "Please get help. It takes time to find the right fit for a therapist but when you find them it will work. Therapy produces amazing change but just like people you aren\u2019t gonna mesh with everyone. There are good people out there who want to help and you deserve a life free from suffering. Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d5m29", "comment_id": "dpv7eez"}, {"question": "My son 5M is constantly worried he is bleeding. He asked at the very least 100 times today if he was.", "description": "My son is 5. He has always been worried about seeing doctors or being injured but a couple weeks ago he hit his head and needed staples, he panicked when it happened and asked me if he was going to die. He can\u2019t handle bleeding at all. After that he started to ask me if he was bleeding and I would just tell no and that would be that. The staples got taken out, even though he sobbed the whole time but we moved on. A couple days ago he got a bloody nose in his sleep and since then the constant \u201cam I bleeding questions\u201d have persisted. He can obviously see his skin and can see he is not bleeding but, he makes me promise him that he is not bleeding. Today it got to a point where I couldn\u2019t even walk in another room, he needs constant reassurance he is not bleeding. He is worried he is bleeding from his mouth to his feet and everything in between. Should I make an appointment with his pediatrician or is this just an extreme reaction?", "answer": "To illustrate, most therapists \u201cdo CBT\u201d as the alternatives are psychoanalytic or pure behavioral therapy. But someone who is CBT certified follows a strict pattern of homework, exercises, observation. This can obviously be modified but would not be \u201cpure\u201d or \u201creal\u201d CBT.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g6zrg4", "comment_id": "fofan4j"}, {"question": "Mental status is declining and leaving for a work trip in 2 days... Worried for my safety?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Are you able to reach out to your counselor to process what you are feeling right now? Not sure when you last saw them, but maybe a phone call could give you some clarity and a chance to sort it out a bit.\n\nIt sounds like you've experienced psychosis before, do you know what your warning signs are? If so, is there an established plan to address the warning signs as they present?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d4531q", "comment_id": "f07s4q6"}, {"question": "Therapist warning me against medications", "description": "Basically what the title says. She thinks that it can be cured through physical activity and exercise, which I won't deny, but it's too hard, given my memories of being bullied in sports. She warned me of side effects, and that it might change my behaviour. She said that there are some side effects of medication which I should expect. She also mentioned that one of her earlier patients couldn't function without medication. If he didn't have his medication around he'd feel anxious.\n\nWhat was your experience with meds?", "answer": "Exercise is great, and really helps, but medication can help too.   I\u2019ve found medication to be helpful.    Sometime these illnesses have to be treated that way because certain interventions can only do so much.  I\u2019ve taken meds for years and they\u2019ve really helped.  Just make sure you consult with a psychiatrist and find something that works for you.   Educate yourself about medication so you have a good understanding of it.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9yhr54", "comment_id": "ea1e9ye"}, {"question": "a theory for why a risk of depression is a side effect when starting an anti-depressant", "description": "I've been very emotional the last few days which I think might correspond to going up on my dose of Topamax (25 to 50mg). Part of me thinks that it's because I am no longer returning to my old coping mechanisms: drinking and eating. Topa simply eliminates my desire to drink or binge eat, and now I have to actually face a set of particularly painful emotions. \n\nThoughts on this? \n\nedit: I know Topa is not an anti-depressant, I really meant \"psych med\" in general. ", "answer": "As far as the increased risk of suicide when starting anti-depressants- it may have something to do with a similar phenomena- the fact that the majority of suicides occur in Spring. \n\nWhile depressive episodes are more likely to occur in Winter, suicide attempts are more likely to occur in Spring. This is because when one is depressed, they often have no motivation, energy, etc. When spring comes around, depression may often lift. When it starts to lift, that motivation may be the first thing to come back. So they attempt suicide, once they finally have the energy to do so.\n\nEssentially- people tend to commit suicide more often when the depression is lifting, because they finally have the energy/motivation to do so. Also- their mood tends to be more labile.\n\nThis may be the same with anti-depressants. The first few days when the depression is lifting may temporarily increase suicide risk.", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "uakr0", "comment_id": "c4utugb"}, {"question": "Should I tell my [22/f] partner [25/m] about my intrusive thoughts?", "description": "Throwaway account because he knows my actual account\n\nA bit of background: we've been dating for 4 months and he's an introvert who needs his space away from me, an ambivert leaning more towards extroversion.\n\nMy boyfriend and I have a schedule for when I come over to stay (fri-mon) so he can recover when I'm not around; totally understandable and I respect his wishes. We still set up dates every now and then on the weekdays I'm not over. As of recently during the times we don't see each other, the scenario of him breaking up with me just pops into my mind and I get sad for a bit, forget about it, then remember on some other day, and when we see each other it just goes away!\nI'm not in emotional turmoil over it but I am rather annoyed of its recurrence and debating whether or not I inform him about this intrusive thought because it could go in two directions: one, he misinterprets it as a sign of distrust and compromise our relationship which then I'd feel even more shitty and two, he reassures me just this one time and I never think about it again.\n\nI just want to tread carefully please help.", "answer": "there's never any obligation to share private thoughts. it's only relevant to share thoughts that are getting closer to action. we're all entitled to the sanctity and privacy of our minds.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tzuca", "comment_id": "ddqacg6"}, {"question": "LGBT Relationship Advice?", "description": "Hi there! I'm sorry if this type of post isn't allowed because I'm new here, but I've recently found myself in a situation that I've never been in been in before and wondering if anyone has advice? So, a few weeks ago I started talking to a boy who I am attracted to. Some background info on this boy is that he's a year older than me (I'm 17), he's closeted bisexual and he's never been with a boy before (I am homosexual). So, we start getting to know each other and things were going great! We would talk for hours about virtually everything and really opened up to each other. We hung out both alone and with friends and every time went very well. I eventually asked him if he was interested in becoming more than friends and maybe even starting a relationship and he said he was definitely interested. I was obviously very happy and things were heating up between us. I would wake up with cute \"good morning\" messages and we would talk constantly throughout the day and before we went to sleep. We kissed/made out multiple times but nothing super sexual happened yet. But suddenly one day I woke up and started talking to him and he just seems really distant. He wasn't nearly as enthusiastic in his messages and it would take him significantly longer to reply to me. What really solidified it for me was when he cancelled our plans about 4 times. I asked him if he was mad at me, or if I did something wrong but he just said he was busy lately. Now, he takes hours to open my messages and if he even replies, they are short, one word replies. I'm just so confused as to what happened? Has this happened to anyone before? He was super affectionate one day and the next it was like he was a completely different person. Some of my friends say I'm over thinking it and others say that I should drop him. Has this ever happened to anyone before, or does anyone have any theories as to what happened? Thanks for reading. I know this was a lot and I would really appreciate replies. Maybe just leave a comment or message me? Thanks so much \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "it's impossible to know what's in someone else's head. most of the time THEY don't even know! don't take it personally. his feelings changed for WHATEVER reason having to do with him, not you. just move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kgj3t", "comment_id": "djlwuf0"}, {"question": "How do you explain your depression to family members without making them worried about you?", "description": "I'm going to start this off by saying that I was not clinically diagnosed with depression. I started seeing a psychologist in September but I didn't feel comfortable with her so I stopped going. I have reached out to a psychiatrist and am going to start therapy soon. I'm saying this so as not to be disrespectful to people that know for a fact they have clinically diagnosed depression. I've lurked her for a while and a lot of you explain things that I'm feeling/experiencing. I would imagine I would be diagnosed with depression, but a doctor has not told me as such (as of now).  \n\nI've been falling deeper and deeper into depression over the last year or so. I've been trying to put on a normal/happy face for the sake of my family and friends. I don't want them to worry about me. I've only told 1 close friend. \n\nI live with my sister and her boyfriend. It's been getting harder and harder over the past several months to hide how depressed I am. When home I typically spend the majority of my time in my room alone. I don't have to perform for anyone there. \n\nI got a text from my sister today asking why I'm upset with her and why I'm pulling away. She thinks she did something to me that's making me like this when in reality she has nothing to do with it. It makes me feel even worse. Not only do I feel shitty but now I'm transferring that to people around me. The whole reason I haven't told anyone about it is because I don't want to burden them. But it looks like I have anyway.\n\nMy question is: how do you explain depression to a family member or friend without making them worried about you? Is it even possible? My sister has her own health issues to deal with and I don't want to add to her stress. \n\nThanks in advance.  ", "answer": "Shouldn't they worry? I don't think it would be nice if they didn't care. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "41vkni", "comment_id": "cz5gmd2"}, {"question": "I have a question about my blood test results", "description": "First of all english is not my first language and i dont know enough medical terms to explain myself very precisely.\n\nI feel pain when i shallow food or any kind of drink in my throat. Generally i dont go to a doctor and take care of myself with some rest and herbal tea. and it goes away in 4-5 days. But this situation maybe repeated 10 times since February. So i went to the doctor and he  gave me some pills(Etol SR and Klavunat-BID) and asked for a blood test. He said, according to the test results, use my pills and do another blood test 2 weeks later.\n\nI really didnt like the doctor he seemed reckless to me. So test results says;\n\nASO, result: 260 (IU/ml) (0-200 normal)\nhs-CRP result:6,44 mg/dL (0-0,6 normal)\n\nShould i be worried? Should i go to another doctor? i couldnt eat any ice cream this summer :(", "answer": "Are you Turkish? You could put your questions in your native language and we could try to translate?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xfpwa", "comment_id": "d6f3jw4"}, {"question": "My cat-fueled realization", "description": "As I'm sure is the case for a lot of you, the end of the year is always a weird time for me. Chronic depression usually rears its ugly head and, like every few weeks or months, I try to battle it as well as I can.\n\nThis year, it was my first \"end of the year\" away from home. Well, I do feel home where I live, but you now, \"away from where I grew up\".\n\nI ended up not doing that well, but not fucking up everything, all things considered. My apartment is covered in trash, which I'm slowly but surely getting rid of (Finally cleaned up the kitchen today ! I can finally cook again. I haven't been able to approach it for about two months... Got two tables to clean up and about 6 bags of trash I've picked up to take out, along with a mountain of cardboard) and I've managed to completely fuck up my budget by overspending for 4 months straight (Food won't be an issue though. Got enough to last about 2 months).\n\nAnyway, as the title implies, I had a realization a few minutes ago. I don't think it'll cure me of anything, but it feels pretty great.\n\nIn early july, I adopted a cat. He was about seven weeks old, white ball of fluff with grey marks on the head, the back and the paws. For the first 12 hours at home, he was terrified. He hid under the couch and didn't move. I was patient and setup a bowl with food, another one with water, some toys, a litter box and I got mentally ready to leave him be for a good week, while he explores and gets used to his new home.\n\nI'll forever remember getting out of my bedroom the next day, about 12 hours after he came home, to this purring little ball of fluff that was waiting in front of my door for me to pet it and play with it.\n\nI don't know how, but, somehow, he'd adopted me in the span of one night.\n\nOver the next few months, every single day, he'd snuggle near me in bed, wake up alongside me and ask for food, some head pats and a little attention. Then when I come back from work, the same circus again, with more excitement and desire to play on his part. We usually end up the day by me sitting in front of the computer, him snuggled on the desk against my chest and purring like there'd be no tomorrow.\n\nAnd even we I have bad days and lose my temper (it's happened quite a lot lately), shout at him or punish him, he always comes back purring, asking for a snuggle.\n\nThat cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now. And so my realization of today: if something is able to love me so much, I may not be such a useless, trash human being. I may not know what he sees in me to have taken to me so fast and so much, but I now know there's \\*something\\* good in there. And it's a thing I think I'll be able to cling onto whenever things start to spiral downwards again.", "answer": "[Time spent with cats is never wasted.  \n~ Freud](https://i.imgur.com/JIpF5uI.jpg)\n\n \n\n> That cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now.\n\nSo cute!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado2yj", "comment_id": "ediw87z"}, {"question": "Would anyone with Social Anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018How I Overcame Social Anxiety & How You Can Too\u2019. It\u2019s free for the next 2 days on Amazon. More info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "Hi I\u2019m Tobias.\n\nI originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.\n\nFirstly, I never in a million years pictured I\u2019d be here sharing a book I wrote about how I overcame social anxiety because I never thought I\u2019d ever get over it myself.\n\nI was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. For years I was on strong antidepressants (250 mg Zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. I won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)\n\nI believed I had a genetic fault in my brain and I was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d I had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. I didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.\n\nThrough a lot of effort on his part, I met a man who managed to convince me I could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. I got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. Now I\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.\n\nIt\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. I am living proof of that.\n\nThis book is not something I threw together last weekend. It has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. I have truly put my heart and soul into this book.\n\nIf you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days.\n\nUSA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B01EXTED56?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=\n\nUK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nCanada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nAustralia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56\n\n(Other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)\n\nThis book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.\n\nAll these things I was going through.\n\nFeel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.\n\nI really hope my book helps you. I\u2019m contactable and I will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "I went ahead and purchased it!\n\nAs a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, I can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "d3s22jy"}, {"question": "Need help forgiving my partner fully", "description": "Hi! I'm a 29/f my gf is 30/f. We've been dating for a while and she's become super important to me. Problem is, I think I'm slowly ruining things. \n\nWhen we first started dating my gf hadn't been single for very long and wasn't looking to settle down. She was very open and honest about this and the fact that she was also seeing someone else.  Well, anyways, as luck would have it we dated for a couple of months openly and wound up being really into each other.... and then one day we were sitting in my room and she looked and me and said that she wasn't ready to put a lable on things but that she wanted to be exclusive and I was super happy to agree to that. \n\nHere's where the trouble started... I can't remeber if it was that night or a night or two later she and the girl she had been seeing (who she was no longer seeing and had moved into the house with my gf and her roommate as a 3 person paying rent) went to a show, did some drugs and came back to their place. At some point in the night the girl decides to throw herself at my girlfriend and my girlfriend slips up for a moment. She, my gf, called me first thing in the morning and tells me everything. I believe her and her story of everything because she's always super honest. Honest to a fault almost. \nWe stopped talking for a couple of weeks and she went out of her way to prove to me she was sorry for breaking her promise and to make things up to me etc. \n\nSo TO MY POINT FINALLY....\n\nI took her back. I knew it was going to be hard to build trust again because I've been cheated on before and she has stood by me and listened, answered questions, comforted, apologized, etc with basically no issues. I can see it makes her sad that I can't seem to move past it and I want to. This is the first woman (or person for that matter) that I've ever looked at and see a future with. I want to move past it to have that happy future with her. I just need help. I have issues with the fact that the girl is her roommate and that she has very honestly said she would like to remain friends with the girl... even though she has totally respected my request that she not hang out with the girl solo or without letting me know if she's going to be around. \n\nI need tips and tricks for letting go. Letting go of my past...Letting go of a mistake she made and has worked so hard to make up to me...Letting of go this feeling that makes me so sad. \nIs it supposed to take months? Should I still feel compelled to ask her questions I already know the answer to? Or still make up scenarios here and there that my rational, trusting side knows are simply not true and would never be true?\n\nI don't want to continue making myself and the person I love sad. I know deep down she's fucking awesome. She's so good to me. I don't wanna mess this up. \n\nSo, any help?\n", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of two things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vmyj7", "comment_id": "de3cr3i"}, {"question": "Partner's therapist wants her to come to one of my sessions", "description": "My partner's therapist told her to ask me to come to one of my sessions to talk to my therapist about my mental illness. My SO said any time I talk about my bipolar disorder I shut down and so she wanted to speak to my therapist to \"unpack it\" or some shit. My own opinions aside, this sounds like a therapist shouldn't be giving that advice at all. Is this something that is frequently recommended or done?", "answer": ">Is this something that is frequently recommended or done?\n\nA lot of it depends on the circumstances and the framework of the therapist; however, YES. This is frequently recommended and done.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "e6szsl", "comment_id": "f9vbs4h"}, {"question": "Is aspergers an excuse for these people?", "description": "(This is going to be long, sorry.) \n\nHi, I've never posted on reddit before but I don't know where else I could ask this question. Does having aspergers mean you will definitely be rude and irritating? I know not everyone is the same, and I don't mean \"everyone with aspergers,\" but if I dislike this girl I don't want it to be because she has aspergers. I want it to be because she is actually irritating. Does that make sense? I like to give everyone a chance when I meet them, but this girl has been given so many chances and she's on my last nerve.\n\nI don't know much about living with, or living with someone, with aspergers. What I do know about the syndrome I learned from AP psychology. My basic knowledge of it is that people with aspergers syndrome cannot read social cues and have problems with empathy.\n\nThis year I have met two people who have aspergers and heard about a third. This is really about one girl though, who told someone, not me, that she has been diagnosed. This girl, we'll call her Jane, is super irritating. Jane asks very personal questions all the time and then turns those around to be about her. A couple weeks ago, my professor asked me a question about a knee injury I had (we're in the same class and play the same club sport) and she immediately cuts in, starts telling everyone about my knee, and then turns the conversation around to her and how she was doing. Jane just always does and says the most irritating and invasive things. She has to know everything about everyone, but she also tries to prove herself all the time. We take a foreign language class together and she tries to figure words out she doesn't know out loud, even after the professor has explained it. It's like, SHE has to be the one telling everyone what it means, even if it's wrong. I think she craves validation. I think Jane also has really bad selective hearing because figuring words out loud is just one example. People tell her stuff multiple times and she will come right back and ask you a question you've just given her the answer to. She drives everyone I know crazy, and at first I tried not to let it bother me, but she's getting on my nerves now too.\n\nThe worst part for me is that she has mentioned before that she knows lacks the ability to be social. She realizes she says the wrong things and is very nosy, but she doesn't change. She doesn't even try to change. If you're with her her voice has to be the loudest. She will yell to make sure you hear her story. Is there anyway I could talk to her and tell her how she could be less irritating? Is this an aspergers thing or just a Jane thing?\n\nI don't know if this affects anything, but my history with people with aspergers isn't good either. I have a friend who was raped by her boyfriend in high school and he had aspergers. And the 2nd kid I've met, he sexually harasses my other friend, who has a boyfriend. So, I'm wary about people with aspergers because of these things.\n\nTL;DR There's this girl and she's really irritating and she knows she's irritating, but she doesn't change. I'm trying to give her chances and I don't want to dislike her because of her aspergers but she's on my last nerve.\n\n\n\nEDIT: Thanks for everyone that was helpful. It was hard for me to describe my point of view, but your advice was helpful for me to understand her a little better. Also, she's not \"retarded\" and some people are the way they are, I get that. And what is with people and sex. I'm a heterosexual female in a relationship. I'm just trying to understand her perspective without being a jerk to her. Not everything is about sex.", "answer": "You don't have to like anyone.  You don't have to have a good relationship with everyone.  You don't need a justification for your preferences either.  Of course, you don't have to be rude to someone you don't like.  You can just tolerate them or not spend time with them.\n\nAnyway, I say wrong things all the time.  I know I do.  I can't stop.  If I could always stop myself, I probably wouldn't have Asperger's.  I can't stop because I don't know that I am about to say something inappropriate until after it is done and I get an obvious reaction from someone.  Every time I say something new that I have not said before, I take that same risk.\n\nNo big deal...  Don't like her, but be respectful to everyone you can no matter how annoying they are.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1cczvz", "comment_id": "c9fdf5y"}, {"question": "Suggestions/Resources on how to deal with my utter dislike for my mom and who she is.", "description": "Preface: I spent ten years in therapy with a wonderful woman who gave me many resources and \u201ctools for my toolbox\u201d that I have used very much since she left practice. I have been out of therapy for a year and a half and have seemed to utilize these tools often and can cope very well most days. \n\nToday my mom came. She is a sweet woman, but I can\u2019t stand her. I was raised in poverty and around many substances for all of my childhood, and about 4 years ago found ways to set boundaries with the help of my therapist. I quit giving her money, quit letting her speak poorly about me straight to me, and came to realize that I was dealt a hand that I had no choice in and it isn\u2019t my fault. With all of that being said, I am sober as a judge and my husband and I have worked very hard to become who we needed when we were younger. We hold steady jobs, have wonderful pets, and on the 5th of this month paid off our final debt (our house) to become fully debt free. Because of being raised poor we take great pride in the things we have, they may not be brand new but they are very appreciated. \n\nMy mom came to town for a doctors appointment. Here are the things that I internally lost my shit over:\n\u2022Her touching a mans shoulder in the elevator. It\u2019s not your fucking body, you don\u2019t touch people. She taps and touches me all the time and I flip out over it. \n\u2022Her trying to justify her substance abuse as a way of coping with pain, and then saying \u201cbut I suppose X doesn\u2019t matter...\u201d\n\u2022She ate lunch in my car and pushed all of her crumbs all over and I just cleaned it. Why the fuck is that acceptable? Then got upset that I pointed out her mess and to quit being so careless, and then proceeded to lie to me about pushing crumbs onto the floor though I watched her do it and told her I saw her. \n\u2022The fact that despite being in the same house for 4 years, she still can\u2019t manage to use a gps or focus long enough to get herself out of town, it\u2019s two fucking turns. Use your brain.\n\u2022She keeps going to doctors appointments and cancelling the the things the prescribe her, like therapy or her medications. She decided her blood sugar was so good she could just quit taking her type two meds. \n\n**I understand my mom is sick.** I still dislike her and the way she does things and treats people. I am resentful for the childhood she gave me, but more-so that she\u2019s still the same way all these years later. You are where you are by the choices you\u2019ve made, and her shit choices often land me with a mop and bucket, and it\u2019s exhausting. This appointment today? The third of its kind for the same thing that she has been told she needs surgery for. Same doctor, every 6 months, same answer from him, and same \u201clet\u2019s schedule another appointment for 6 months out and I\u2019ll decide then if I want surgery.\u201d She\u2019s on MA and wasting tax dollars because she has no value of money. \n\nAnyone got a website or something? I\u2019m losing my damn mind. \n\nThanks for all of your support. X", "answer": "You describe a woman who seems not very mature, at an age where one would expect her to be. You seem to have chosen to let her have a role in your life, even when you no longer depend on her and she seems to have more negative than positive effects on your life. \n\nUnfortunately I don't know of any resources that are helpful in terms of literature. Do you have any friends or family who can support you? Perhaps a group can be helpful.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fa0cvu", "comment_id": "fivhep9"}, {"question": "boyfriend's sister", "description": "My boyfriend and his sister are very close. She's in high school, my boyfriend is in college. Whenever we hang out she wants to tag along and I can't say no without looking like I hate his sister, which I don't. They talk and text all of the time, they're best friends. Obviously this is fine except that he tells her personal things about our relationship like what we fight about and what is going on in my life. We can't have any discussion or argument without her knowing about it. I recently was hospitalized for an attempted suicide and he told me he didn't tell his sister about it but I went through his phone (wrong, I know) and he told her everything. It's annoying that he tells her everything. I'm close with my family too but shouldn't some things stay private? How do I address this with my boyfriend or should I even address it at all? ", "answer": "i think people will alway have a best-friend type of person they share their personal stuff with. his just happens to be his sister.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptufd", "comment_id": "dctsnkd"}, {"question": "My wife let me know she was leaving me yesterday. Two weeks after our anniversary, two weeks before my birthday. Sober for 298 days, though.", "description": "But shit am I struggling today. \n\nThis is surreal. I\u2019m in a daze. I have no real friends here, they were all the husbands of couple friends. \n\nThere was no cheating. No abuse. On either side. \n\nShe said she hasn\u2019t been happy for a year or more...\n\nI\u2019m fucking lost right now. \n\nEdit: we met at a neutral place and had a talk. This is happening...I\u2019ve busied myself and visited my grandmother and doing some work from home. Tomorrow will be day 299. Thanks for all the kind words everyone. ", "answer": "It sometimes happens that a person marries an alcoholic so that they have someone who is dependent and who they can control. and when that person gets sober they begin asserting themselves. It\u2019s as if their partner suddenly changed personalities. There needs be be a reacquainting because the difference between sober self and drinking self is profound.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8qczf8", "comment_id": "e0ivtcw"}, {"question": "If I could smoke weed like a normal person, I\u2019d do it everyday", "description": "I have control over whether I take the first hit but after I take that first hit, I\u2019m powerless. \n\nI\u2019m lucky to live in a place where I have in person Marijuana Anonymous meetings and my smoking got to the point where I was either going to try it out despite my preconceived notions or keep relapsing. \n\nPretty much going to a meeting is like being in a room full of people who intimately know what I have gone through and are there to care and offer me support. It is a relief to have people who understand my addiction when so many people just don\u2019t get it. \n\nMeetings help keep me in check cause if I do think about smoking, there\u2019s usually someone else there with less time than me who talks about how withdrawing sucks and how they hate smoking and don\u2019t want to anymore. Or there is someone else there who has a lot more time than me and their life can be hard but it\u2019s gotten so much better which motivates me to stay sober.\n\nWorking the steps is hard but is intensely healing. I honestly think that if you find a good sponsor it\u2019s better than therapy. I went over all the resentments I\u2019ve held onto over the course of my life and my sponsor listened and validated my feelings FOR FIVE HOURS and talked a little shit on the people who caused them (mainly my parents) while letting me cry. Where else can you have an experience like that? \n\nAnyhoo not to be preachy but there are phone meetings (pretty much a conference call format) for MA that you can find through the marijuana anonymous app which is free in the App Store with all the MA literature. Okay that was pretty preachy but really, google \u201cthe 12 questions of marijuana anonymous\u201d and see if you can say they don\u2019t apply to you. ", "answer": "Shout out for MA! \ud83d\ude4c \ud83d\ude0a\n\nI second that gratitude for the support available in the rooms. I've had so many women give hours of their lives to share their experience, strength, and hope with me, who would take a call in the middle of the night if I needed it, and can now say that I am willing to do the same. Truly amazing to experience.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "9jcsl5", "comment_id": "e6rmzei"}, {"question": "[23/f] need other perspective on my relationship with my boyfriend [24/m]", "description": "so, i have been in a relationship with my bf for almost 1 year now and i am feeling very confused about what i should do. i'm quite an anxious person and i can get depressed sometimes for no reason, i've had eating disorders in the past and he knows about it. his personnality is pretty stubborn. we have different opinions on politics and some values and sometimes he can be obnoxious and not let me express my mind. he often feels like i'm making fun of him because sometimes i smile or scoff when he says something that i don't agree with. anyway the thing is i'm starting to wonder if we should take a break. i do love him and i don't want to lose him but he gives me so much pressure. i know he doesn't quite get my mental health problems but i feel like he's not trying, he's just being tough with me and instead on making me feel motivated it makes me really sad and resentful towards him. i feel like i need to sort myself out before being in a relationship especially since he's thinking about getting married and having a family with me. i do want that as well but not in the near future, i want to get my sh*t together first and feel comfortable with myself. the thing is we are living overseas right now and sharing appartement so if i want to take a break that would be moving out and i don't know if that's worth it. i tried to tell him about wanting to take a break but i'm afrait to hurt him. he has told me before that he thinks \"taking a break\" means breaking up. so i really don't know what to do, i feel confused and i'm starting to be really unhappy, as i have to pretend i'm not stressed or sad when i go home to not let him down.\nif you have any advice or if you've been through the same kind of stuff, i'd love to read what you have to say! \nthank you for taking the time to read me, have a good day.", "answer": "always best to resolve anx/dep before making a major life decision", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vni2w", "comment_id": "de3ezbr"}, {"question": "Trying to get into therapy is too difficult", "description": "I hate how difficult it is to get a therapy appointment. You are asking for help and they say \u201cwell there\u2019s a waitlist for that\u201d and then it is weeks and weeks until you can get a session. Mental health is so screwed up and needs to be looked at differently and with more respect. END Rant.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here. Sorry you've had some trouble getting an appointment. I've helped clients in my area find alternative services when I am unavailable or full for a couple weeks. It happens.\n\nHere's some other ideas that you may not have thought of when seeking out services:\n\n* If you have any local universities or colleges that have graduate degrees in mental health counseling or psychology, give them a call and see if any of them offer community services. Sometimes they staff counseling students that will see people low-cost/free of charge and with good availability.\n* Contact your local behavioral health facility and see if they have any connections (if they don't themselves offer outpatient services with decent availability) to other places they refer clients to when they are booked for weeks.\n* If you plan on using insurance, look on your local insurance website and expand your search to see if you can find other clinicians in your (general) area who take your insurance. \n* If you haven't already, check out these sites: [https://www.psychologytoday.com](https://www.psychologytoday.com)/us and and [https://www.goodtherapy.org](https://www.goodtherapy.org) . These are catalogs of clinicians who practice in your area. Don't forget to look at nearby zipcodes besides your own, if it's feasible for you to travel there.\n* If you have a local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapter, give them a call and see if they offer services on an as-needed basis until you can get in with a counselor, or if they have people/places they refer to with better availability.\n* Have you considered tele-psych? It may not be as effective as an in-office visit, but you can utilize those services until you are able to get an in-office visit. You can use the usual online counseling sites (your mileage will HEAVILY vary) but you can also look for counseling offices within your state that offer online counseling services. That gives you a bit more leeway in terms of who you can see, especially if you are in a more rural area.\n\nThose are just some ideas. Give 'em a try and keep looking! What I usually tell my clients is to schedule with someone a few weeks out and then in the meantime see if you are able to secure something sooner, either due to a cancellation with the provider you scheduled with or an alternative provider.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d0ljy6", "comment_id": "ezb66qv"}, {"question": "[Discussion] How to do more and need less?", "description": "Example 1: 'I wish I had a new guitar, then I would certainly play the guitar more often' - instead of just playing the old guitar at all.\n\nExample 2: 'If I could only afford that mountainbike, then I could go biking again' - instead of just riding the non-mountainbike in a non-mountain area.\n\nExample 3: Buying 3 new books while still having a stack of unread books at home and not reading them.\n\nI tend to dream about doing stuff with new/better things I need to buy first, instead of actually doing stuff with the things I already posess. Why do I do this and how do I stop myself from doing it? Why am I never satisfied with what I have? Is this the capitalist brainwashing showing it's effect or am I lazy and only looking for excuses? Any help appreciated!\n", "answer": "This might not exactly solve your problem, but one thing you could try is to give yourself a challenge and use the \"new thing\" as a reward.\n\nFor example, you could say \"If I play my old guitar twice a week for 3 months, I'll get a new one\" or \"If I go biking every other day until Christmas, I'll get the new mountainbike as a gift to myself\"\n\nMake it something long-term so that you develop a habit, and if you skip a day, extend the length of time you have to do it for. That way, if you get in the habit of doing it regularly, you might find that the object wasn't holding you back at all, just your old habits. Plus it'll make you feel like you \"deserve\" the nice thing, and you know you'll actually use it because you've been using the old one. ", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "6ill0y", "comment_id": "dj7fhmg"}, {"question": "My boyfriend's (M/23) mom does not like me (F/22).", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend's mom doesn't like me. Or at least, it seems like she doesn't. To make a list:\n-I have traditional Asian parents that are strict and not as lenient as my boyfriend's past girlfriend's relationships are. \n-She once sent me hateful texts in her drunken stage saying i don't love her son because she thinks I am keeping her son away from her (we visited for Christmas and i couldn't stay more than a few days because of my parents. Mind you, this is the first long trip i have ever taken with a boyfriend in my life so I thought she would be more understanding).\n-She has brought up my boyfriend's ex girlfriend multiple times to me and to my boyfriend \n-She told me that my boyfriend needs a girlfriend who he can see on a daily basis (we live in different cities so that is not a possibility, but i drive more to see him than he does to see me) \n-through text and in person, it seems like she is pretending to be fond of me to make her son happy. I do not think it is genuine considering everything she has told me- Her nice behavior also comes off as artificial sometimes.\n\nShould I keep trying to gain her approval or just leave her alone? Should I stop having contact with her and just let it be? I have tried my hardest to try to prove my love for him, (example: he is the first boyfriend i have ever told my parents about) It kills me that she had a great relationship with my boyfriend's ex and not me. They were together for 5 years and his mother was very attached to her. I feel like i will never amount to her. I am not sure if his mom's approval should effect me as much as it does.", "answer": "focus on your rel.;  ignore her negativity", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3tqo", "comment_id": "ddz4c0d"}, {"question": "I find it hard to emotionally comfort people who aren't sexual partners?", "description": "I can easily comfort an upset partner. I can hug them hold their hand and tell them that things are going to be ok. But I find that I can't comfort people I have normal friendships with yet it seems normal people are able to do that. I feel icky if I as so much put my hand on their back. It sucks because I really want to learn how to comfort people but it just makes me feel sick. Is it do with the lack of empathy thing?", "answer": "You may have some ptsd-like reaction to crossing boundaries with people? I fear being or acting out in front of someone I'm not as comfortable with. Or like, will be careful not to cross boundaries because I so easily can", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c88l56", "comment_id": "esl39vd"}, {"question": "Does anyone else avoid doctors, not because of fear of going, but because you think all of your symptoms are actually just anxiety-related?", "description": "My anxiety tends to center around my stomach. I have emetephobia in addition to a general anxiety disorder, so it's not unusual for me to have nausea or weird stomach cramps that are just anxiety.\n\nHowever, I've been INSANELY bloated for six months now, having a lot of pain in my lower stomach (nothing stabbing or throbbing, just achy pain, kinda similar to period cramps or how you'd feel after an intense ab workout), and am more nauseous/quick to heartburn than usual.\n\nThere are some other symptoms as well, and I finally made a doctor's appointment, but it just got me wondering... I've been avoiding this for six months because, well, it's probably just my anxiety, right? \n\nMy fiance ended up getting mad and made me make an appointment because he'd rather me be safe than sorry. And I agree with him. \n\nI was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? \n\nI know avoiding doctors because of anxiety is common, but I'm not scared of the doctor. I just don't want to waste anyone's time and tend to assume all of my symptoms can be tied back to my anxiety. \n\nAnyone else?\n\n**TL;DR - I don't avoid doctors due to fear of the doctor or office, I avoid them because I tend to assume everything wrong with me is due to anxiety. Anyone else do this?**", "answer": "You're freaking me out because I could have written this entire post (except the person getting upset with me for not going to the doctor is my boyfriend). Yeah, that's how I feel to a tee. I figure everything links back to my anxiety and I'll just be using up the doctor's time and my money to find nothing helpful, then I'll feel stupid.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "hl8jje", "comment_id": "fwyv4nz"}, {"question": "Hi I\u2019ve got a quick question regarding becoming a psychologist", "description": "If you have a history of self harm or mental disorders is there no chance in getting into the mental health field? I\u2019ve always wanted to help people in this regard for years but over the past couple of years I\u2019ve gone through quiet a rough patch and well, things have happened.\n\nAnyway that brings me back to my question, will I still be able to get into psychology of counselling even if I get help and overcome these issues or is there no chance anymore? \n\nThanks", "answer": "Many therapists have a history of mental illness. \n\nThe main thing is to be sure that YOUR shit does not harm or interfere with your clients in any way. So you need to be stable enough for that, at the very least.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdsihc", "comment_id": "fvoxjtu"}, {"question": "UPDATE: Am I hearing/seeing real things or are they in my head", "description": "Age: 25\n\nSex: F\n\nHeight: 5'7\"\n\nWeight: 150\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: it was 2 weeks\n\nLocation: Northeast USA\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: TBI, Epilepsy\n\nCurrent medications Keppra, Vimpat, (new) Haldol IM\n\n\n[Original Post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/cg4a7x/am_i_hearingseeing_real_things_or_are_they_in_my/?st=jyytviab&sh=dc59ecb0)\n\nHi, I just want to thank this subreddit and the users for pointing me in the correct direction. I am currently in a treatment center that specializes in psychotic disorders and I'm allowed home on the weekend if I do well during the week. My current diagnosis is \"Psychotic Disorder NOS\". The psychiatrist believes I have schizophrenia but can't diagnose me with it since my symptoms had only progressed 2.5 weeks before I got help and for schizophrenia disagnosis, I would need to be symptomatic for a few months.\n\nI currently am still experiencing auditory hallucinations, but I am not confused by them anymore and I no longer follow their commands. \n\nAgain, thank you guys.", "answer": "As always, for a post without a question I'm going to lock this, but thank you for the update!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmgbla", "comment_id": "ew27759"}, {"question": "Recently stopped talking to my alcoholic father. Don't know if it was the right thing to do. Feel horrible and lost.", "description": "There's [two](http://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/2qtjx3/just_sent_this_email_to_my_dad/) other [posts](http://www.reddit.com/r/MMFB/comments/2re28n/i_just_had_a_really_bad_dream_mmfb/) in my comment history providing some context here. To sum it up, my dad has been an alcoholic since I was in 5th grade, 24 years old now. My parents divorced about 4 years ago. He's still been drinking which I knew about but it wasn't affecting me. On Christmas I introduced my girlfriend to him and he smelled of alcohol. After a couple days I told him how disappointed I was in him. He called me drunk that night. I sent him an email the following morning saying I didn't want to talk to him any more. More detail is in those other posts.\n\nMy brother just also stopped talking to him. I feel horrible, and alone, and like I just deserted him after I tried to provide support for so long. A son isn't supposed to have to do this. I don't know. I'm rambling. Help?", "answer": "What I tell people is to never deny love or communication. It doesn't help the situation. Rather address the addictive behaviour, keep talking, and don't shut him out. Some day when he wants to get sobriety, and he's serious, you want him to feel that he can talk to you. Remember he is an alcoholic and while that does not excuse his behaviour it does explain it. If he does something wrong address it and then call him the next day when he's sober(ish). Talk, tell him what's up and that you love him and that your willing to help if he wants sobriety. Deprive him of a reason to use you as an excuse to drink, at the end of the day this will force him to confront himself as the sole excuse for drinking. If you want him to have a shot at getting sober do these things and leave the rest up to him.", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "2rglf0", "comment_id": "cnfvn5q"}, {"question": "\"Going to rehab is a total admittance of failure.\"", "description": "Two days ago I recieved the results of my latest blood test.\r\rI had my 19th Birthday on May 13th.\r\r\rThe results of my blood tests have shown that my liver is going into failure.\rI drink (on average) 600ml of vodka everyday (I also \"overdose\" on codeine-based painkillers, smoke cannabis daily, and induce vomiting at least once on a daily basis.\r\rTonight I was talking to my boyfriend about he prospect of me going into rehab for a few weeks. I'm 19 years of age, and I know that I have so much potential, but my SO thinks that going to rehab is confirmation that I am, in fact, a failure.\r\rWhat do I do?", "answer": "That's one way to frame it.  There is another way to frame it and its your choice to decide which perspective will serve you better.  In today's paper it was reported that researchers have found a group of 11 genes that predict risk of alcoholism.  Apparently its now proven that there is a inherited component for alcoholism.  Instead of saying you are a failure you can say that you've been dealt a bad hand and now its time to play that hand as best you can.  Getting medical help for a medical condition makes sense.  You could say that diabetics are failures as organisms too, but does saying that help them lead comfortable lives? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2664or", "comment_id": "choar5v"}, {"question": "Psych meds and recovery", "description": "I was drinking/doing coke/smoking crack a lot and during this time I was prescribed Welbutrin (an anti-depressant) and Tegretol (used for treating mania associated with bipolar)\n\nI feel that taking these medications helps me. I think it makes me feel happier and more relaxed, also less angry/obsessive. Sometimes when I'm not taking them I feel like I'm losing my mind and I just can't handle it. \n\nHowever, I am conflicted about taking them. Recovery is supposed to be about identifying underlying issues that made me use drugs and develop an addiction in the first place. I feel that suffering through the way that I feel without medication will make me stronger, and maybe I will be able to manage my symptoms instead of just masking them with prescriptions.\n\nWhat do you guys think? Should I take the pills that were prescribed to me or suffer through it without them?", "answer": "Okay, so I'm speaking as A. Someone in recovery and B. A therapist.  If this is a TLDNR, just look at the next two paragraphs.\n\nThe advice I was given by psychiatrists/medical professionals when I got to treatment and wanted to get off of anti-anxiety medication (for other reasons than those you mentioned) is that you should be sober a year before discontinuing psychotropic medication. And then only under a doctors supervision. Early sobriety is not the time to discontinue meds, you're going through enough changes already. Btw, I did get off those meds, and was really glad I waited a year. \n\nIf you are taking a medication 100% as prescribed, then it doesn't have any bearing on being \"clean\" or being \"sober.\"  Some people will say it does, or trash psychology/therapy in general, but no matter what these people say, the 12-steps cannot fully replace other mental health treatment. You aren't missing anything about the recovery process by being medicated. Even people in NA recognize that you need opiates after major surgery. \n\nMany mental health issues are exacerbated by drug use, or symptoms may be a direct side effect (for example panic attacks). People are often misdiagnosed because they either do not disclose their drug use to the doctor, or because they have a shitty doctor who doesn't pay attention to full criteria for diagnosis.  But people often find they aren't having the same symptoms they needed the medication for to begin with, and it's unclear if it's because the meds are working or if they were misdiagnosed/medicated. In these cases, discontinuation of medication should only be done with a doctors consent. And if the side effects aren't problematic, waiting a year is still a good idea. \n\nOn the other hand, long term use can minimize or hide mental health problems (for example depression). Whenever someone gets clean, things are going to be coming up that have been hidden under use.  You're going to be experiencing a full range of emotions again.  A lot of people relapse because they cannot tolerate this.  This is NOT the time to experiment with coming off a medication that has been helping you. Especially for something like mania that could lead you to relapse. \n\nIf you have a mental illness that typically cannot be managed by therapy alone, that probably means your brain chemistry needs tweaking to function \"normally.\"  Things like anti anxiety/depression medication typically allow you to use more of the neurotransmitters serotonin/norepinephrine, while anti-psychotics lower the amount of dopamine you take in.  Meaning they aren't getting you high/low, they are just helping your brain make better use of those neurotransmitters. That doesn't make you any more or less sober. It doesn't make you any more or less you. \n\nI guess my final point is there are plenty of reasons to come off medication, but what you described above... I understand you're concerns, I've had similar ones. But that isn't a good reason to come off medication that is actively helping you/treating your mental illness. If you really want to come off them, I'd wait at least a year. It's important you talk to your doctor, but if your doctor doesn't have experience with addiction they may not give you the best advice. \n", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "6zg53v", "comment_id": "dmw876g"}, {"question": "Things they dont tell you about bulimia *trigger warning*", "description": "- it will cause sores and cuts on your knuckles\n\n- stomach acid will burn any abrasions or said cuts on yoyr hands\n- you will lose your voice\n\n- your throat will constantly ache and burn\n\n- your knees will be bruised from kneeling in front\n of the toilet\n\n- you will get horrible acid reflux\n\n- you will get iron, electrolyte and other vitamin deficiencies\n\n-you will never be able to tell if your meds are in your system or whether they were purged", "answer": "My throat is so sore right now. If anyone knows how to help that, lmk", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "eypklb", "comment_id": "fgiwmgi"}, {"question": "How do I get rid of anxiety from Adderall?", "description": "I've been taking in Adderall for a few months now..ever since the pandemic..and I've noticed that my anxiety is skyrocketing of late.\n\nHow do I reduce my anxiety from Adderall?", "answer": "Take less or no adderall. Talk to your Dr and they can change the script. It sounds like you don't have a paradoxical effect from it and do you maybe shouldn't use it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "jnvd8l", "comment_id": "gb3xro4"}, {"question": "Advice", "description": "I just wanted to know how to deal with this situation..\n\nI really like this girl and want a relationship with her, but she already told me that she doesn't want it as she doesn't feel \"ready\". We make out, I sleep with her in the same bed, we cuddle, hold hands and kiss each other just like a couple. We had oral sex but nothing more... So I don't know but I don't think that you would do these things to \"someone like a normal friend\" obviously... \nSo what do you guys think? Thanks in advance:)", "answer": "Always listen to the words, not the actions. She wants casual. Period. Don't read into anything. Even if it *seems* contradictory.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73zqde", "comment_id": "dnucqwi"}, {"question": "Help for a new agnostic alcoholic", "description": "Hi there, I'm demonenergydrink and I'm an alcoholic.\nAn agnostic one. Quite new to the 12 steps but going to meetings everyday and doing heaps of reading. I have done a lot of research and talking with fellow AA people but I have one question -\nIf my newly discovered higher power is going to be AA and other people as a whole (as a starting point for my higher power concept), then who should I pray to?\nAnd how would I phrase such a \"prayer\"? I have no problem using the word God in place of higher power.\nAny advice or thoughts appreciated.\nThanks for your support", "answer": "I am nontheistic myself, so I will often say mantras or affirmations as a way to direct my mind towards the positive, as it often strays into the negative when left to wander unsupervised, haha. Sometimes I will just talk as a way to get something off of my chest. Maybe something out there is listening, maybe not. I tend to think not but I've found i get a good result from it all the same, and as time has gone by whether or not something is listening has gotten less and less important to me.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "6ne5wy", "comment_id": "dk8x54h"}, {"question": "i\u2019m unstable (tw)", "description": "i\u2019m unstable, i\u2019m not depressed but i\u2019m unstable. At least i don\u2019t think i\u2019m depressed. It\u2019s just one minute i\u2019m laughing and loving being alive and the next i\u2019m shaking, slitting lines down my leg, digging my fingernails in my neck and crying. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t know how to ask for help because i don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t want people to see me laughing at the good times and just tell me i\u2019m fine and think i\u2019m lying about the other bad parts like every other shrink i\u2019ve been to has done. People don\u2019t take me seriously so there\u2019s no point in asking for help. I\u2019ve been like this for years and it\u2019s only now getting bad again. I\u2019ve been several months clean up until today. I don\u2019t know what to do. I feel fucking crazy. someone help me please", "answer": "There\u2019s an untrue assumption that most people have that you can\u2019t have two opposite emotions at the same time. That\u2019s bull crap, you can totally be happy and laughing at the exact time that you are in great pain on the inside. You can have moments of connection, happiness, laughter but still have depression. What are 3 things that you need to do to make your environment safe? What are 3 things you can do to distract yourself or take your mind off of this so that you can stop the spiraling thoughts you have? Try to do that, take some deep breaths. There is no shame in asking for help, and if a professional or a friend makes you feel shame or doesn\u2019t believe your pain, that is their problem and NOT yours! You deserve to connect with somebody who will see your pain, listen and validate you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "butjxo", "comment_id": "ephneth"}, {"question": "I was a drinker.", "description": "I was a binge drinker. A black out drinker. A walk to the liquor store to get 2 tall cans of the highest abv malt liquor and 3 nips @ 10:58pm drinker AFTER I was already too drunk to function drinker. Put the kids to bed and let my husband go to sleep alone drinker. Stumble into bed in the early hours of the am drinker. The 'I feel fine I don't have a hang over' drinker. The 'I'll be good this time' drinker. *spoiler alert*I was never good. If I had one drink, I had a goal and that goal would be to drink as much as I could as fast as I could for as long as I could.\nI was wake up early before husband and kids and hide the evidence drinker. The where are my phone/keys/purse/wallet/self-respect drinker. I was the fall down drinker. The 'why is there blood on my sheets and where did these bruises come from' drinker. The delete messages rather than read thru what was said while intoxicated drinker.\n\nI was a drinker. I knew I was making a mess of myself and living life on 'hard mode' but for some reason, it felt fine. The pain was worth the pleasure I'd get from drinking. Until it wasn't. Towards the end, I was sick of it, but I'd always be able to justify it someway. Then I did some shit while I was drunk that I'd rather not go into detail about and my husband blew up at me. He was always so nice, so kind to me, even after nights when I expected him to be pissed off. He had had enough and he let me know it, and it was what I needed. I didn't want to quit. I thought about telling him I'd take a break. But I bit the bullet. I wrote him a letter while he was at work, the day before our 4 year wedding anniversary, offering my sobriety as a gift this year. I almost didn't give him the letter, because then I knew I wouldn't be able to take it back. That was 81 days ago, and I haven't touched a drop since, and I feel so much better. I look back on the things that I've done and I can't even believe that drunk me and sober me are the same person.\n\nIn the past 81 days I've lost 15 lbs. I shower and moisturize nightly. I make my bed daily. I don't fall behind on laundry. I haven't avoided doing things with my children because I feel too shitty to leave the house. I have been eating better. I stopped biting my nails. I feel proud of myself. I haven't really talked to anyone about my sobriety besides my husband and my sister. Because I don't want to make it 'a thing' and because I don't want ideas of how bad I actually was running thru people's mind. I'm sure some have figured it out already. We're a pretty close family and I'm sure the lack of my drunken antics has been noticed, but so far no one has said anything to me.\n\nThe beginning was hard. I cried the first time we went out to eat and we had to be seated in the bar because it was busy. It was a combination of not being able to drink, jealousy of other people drinking, the newness and fear of failure. But, 81 days in and it's feeling easier. We've gone camping. We've done cook outs. All with me staying sober.And next week will be my first sober concert.\n\nReading here every morning while I enjoy my coffee without a hangover has definitely helped. Thanks guys.", "answer": "I was a similar drinker to you and identified with a lot of what you said. Good for you for getting sober. Your gratitude comes through in your post!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cs03s8", "comment_id": "exbpyjq"}, {"question": "Thinking of going off antidepressants...?", "description": "But I'm not sure. They only cost me $5/mo...\n\nI don't have the thoughts anymore, I'm not scared of my own mind. I could say I feel a lot better in that respect. I'm not sure what I should be feeling.\n\nI brought this up to my psychiatrist, and he suggested that if I wanted to get off them, to wait till after I moved back home from school since med changes shouldn't happen at the same time as big life changes, but I won't be able to see him again because I'm in another state AND he left the practice he was working at.\n\nI'm not sure how I'm supposed to decide this, obviously it doesn't have a clear decision and you guys can't tell me what I should/shouldn't do... but opinions?\n(225mg Effexor btw - I know I have to be careful and slow about weening myself off it)", "answer": "Might consider calling the psychiatrist's office and asking them to give you a schedule to taper off your antidepressants ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1eo2ah", "comment_id": "ca233fy"}, {"question": "I got 13th stepped...", "description": "i made an anonymous post here from a throwaway account a while back, couldn't get back into it, and figured I would make a permanent account. I had made the post trying to figure out if I should or shouldn't go through with this \"relationship\" that a guy in my home group wanted to start. The general consensus is that it did not sound like traditional 13th stepping, I also felt like he was being sincere. \n\n​\n\nWe were all wrong. Very, very wrong. I'm also in my mid twenties and am pretty fresh out of a divorce so I haven't dated much and, thus, lack a lot of experience when it comes to spotting red flags and actually listening to my gut. \n\n​\n\nI've known this guy for about 4 months. I'm going through a lot of alcohol related legal trouble and he's been a great support person this whole time. About a month ago we went to the movies. I thought as just friends and it ended with a kiss. After that we went on probably a dozen or so dates. He wanted to meet my family, wanted me to meet his family, etc. \n\n​\n\nI was a little put off as to how much he was pushing for sex before we were even together (he said he wanted to take things slow as far as moving forward to a relationship but definitely didn't seem to want to take things slow when it came to getting physical. That should have been a red flag). So after spending almost every day together, frequently turning down advances for sex, etc. I finally gave in on Friday night when he came over to watch a movie. I told him \"I really would rather wait, I don't want this to change anything between us\" and he told me \"if anything, it will just make us closer\". \n\n​\n\nLike a FUCKING IDIOT, I gave in. \n\n​\n\nWhat do I get 36 hours later? A text, telling me he needs to make an amends for having sex with me. I was very confused about what he was talking about, and he told me that he didn't see a relationship going anywhere and wanted to just be friends and that he was sorry he lied to me about it. \n\n​\n\nI guess if anything, I learned my lesson. I didn't need another reason to not trust people but he definitely gave me one. I'm angry at myself for not having more of a guard up, I'm angry at myself for not sticking to my boundaries. \n\n​\n\nI'm angry at him because this is apparently a pattern with him and I'm angry that he is preying on other young women in the program. I talked with another younger girl in my homegroup about what happened and apparently he is a habitual 13th stepper and \"gets em while they're still shaking\". He tried the same thing with her and a handful of other young girls in the program apparently. \n\n​\n\nI talked to my sponsor and told her I didn't want to go back to my homegroup anymore and she told me \"absolutely not, that man is a predator. The only thing you did wrong was not listen to your intuition and you trusted the wrong person. You keep going and warn every young girl in that group of what he does and he can find a new homegroup if it makes him uncomfortable that his predatory behaviour is being exposed\". So I'm not leaving my homegroup, and I'm going in with confidence and just focusing on the real reason I'm there and that is to try and stay sober for another day! \n\n​\n\nI am at least happy that I learned a lesson from this and that's to not date within the first year. Really wish I had listened to that advice.", "answer": "Sorry this happened to you. What a dirt bag he is. Glad you are taking with your sponsor about it and staying positive. Wishing you the best", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ehs37f", "comment_id": "fclfm6o"}, {"question": "Thoughts on Therapy?", "description": "I've been thinking about it for a long time but I'm apprehensive about it.  My mother told me about her coworker's daughter's difficulty in getting  hired as a result of some school psychologist passing her mental health  transcript to the company she applied to. I'm still in high school. The  only hope of having some sort of self-worth for me is what I can work as  in the future (the value of my labor and what I can do to support my  family with that money), so having that as a possibility is really  stressful since I'm kind of fucked up. Almost every day is a struggle  for me though and I'm terrified of losing what few friendships I have,  so I've been sitting on this.\n\n​\n\ntldr; Is it worth it? Is there any risk from school therapy sessions to being employed?", "answer": "I recommend it.  Therapy is confidential so only emergencies can be reported.  Therapy is really helpful. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9mvvzc", "comment_id": "e7hr69y"}, {"question": "Supportive partner?", "description": "I made a business card my GF had nothing but dismissive contempt for it. I challenged this response and she said, \"Oh, you're a designer now?\", as if I shouldn't have any pride in the creation. I've made films so it's not like I have no visually artistic aspirations and I always find something to compliment in other's work. Am i too sensitive or is she disrespectful?", "answer": "inconsiderate and hurtful", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e2sn3", "comment_id": "di7b264"}, {"question": "My dad hung himseld in a hotel", "description": "Ever since that day my life has changed. I was one of the few who stood by him and he figured I could take it. Its been 6 years and im still barely hanging on. I want to kill myself cause the pain is too much not having him here. But my nieces and nephews and friends smiles keep me from doing it. I cant bring it upon myself to put them thru what ive been suffering from. Suicide is a permanent solution to lifes bullshit problems. \n\nEdit: FUCK REDDIT AND THEIR LACK OF EDIT FOR TITLES, himself***", "answer": "Those close to you can bring great joy and pain as you know. Are you looking just to share or would you like advice on something?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b1xjkc", "comment_id": "eioykbv"}, {"question": "Why does a drug addict tend to be compulsive about other things beyond just drugs?", "description": "I think it has to do with transfering the addiction and behavior pattern, but I'd like a more elaborate answer.\n\nI know someone who struggles with adiction to cocaine and is also compulsive about sex.\n\nHe's not an offender, of course, but he never refuses sex, sometimes seems to drown his sorrow in compulsive sex, and thinks almost every woman he meets wants to have sex with him. That's like this with all of his female friends, he has a \"crush\" on all of them at some point, but then respectfully gives up on it once he realizes it's just his mind.\n\nAnd he tends to act obssessive sometimes when he's involved with someone and overly focused on it. Like he's in a rush of violent energy. He once told me he was thinking of suicide just because his crush said she couldn't go out with him that day.\n\nHe's trying to treat this, but it may seem too hard to resist.", "answer": "You may want to search \"sensation seeking \" and see if it fits.  Many people who are sensation seeking struggle with impulsive behavior in other areas.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h8o8yg", "comment_id": "fus0lbs"}, {"question": "How would you respond to this statement about AA?", "description": "Hi, guys. As some of you know, I'm divided about AA and I occasionally post things here so I can see what more experienced AAers think about them. I'm not trying to bash AA; I just want to make sure I've come to a good decision if I'm gonna hop aboard the program (I don't have a sponsor, I'm not working the steps, but I do go to meetings). \n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\"That's what people don't understand about 12-step - by convincing people they'll always be helpless addicts, they set them up to fail. Not knowing how to beat addiction on their own, they enter a cycle of relapse followed by dependency on AA group support. Eventually they become AA lifers.\n\nLike big religion, AA fosters fear of drinking which makes it only more likely that a drink will lead to relapse. Religious people say if you slip up, the devil will get you. Then people who get fed up with those religions, where do they have to turn but \"the devil?\" They think they're rebelling against the religion, but they're still taking part in it, just worshipping the bad god instead of the good one. Their world view is still dominated by the same religion.\n\nAA works the same way. The paradigm is a lifelong struggle for sobriety vs disastrous relapse. The god is the struggle for sobriety, the devil is the disastrous relapse. This mindset motivates people into disastrous relapse the same way bible-thumpers motivate people to become satanists. The relapse isn't a departure from AA, it's part of it. \n\nIf you can get out of that mindset, throw the entire AA paradigm aside and discover or rediscover your own power, you might find yourself having a drink and not relapsing. It's not hard to do, unless you believe it is.\"\n", "answer": "Rather be an AA lifer than living under a bridge or dead.\n\nI think wherever this quote came from the person picked what they wanted for their point from the text, no matter how out of context it may be. \n\nIf I'm being entirely honest, I am fuckin' scared of relapse. I don't see me not being scared of relapse for a very long time. Does this mean I cower in my room all day for fear of an alcoholic death, hell no. However, I know should I pickup a drink today that is a very real possibility.\n\nI also think that the \"helpless addicts\" remark is less fact based and more incendiary. If we were just helpless addicts then we wouldn't have the ability to appeal to the higher power of our understanding. Yet, we see repeatedly that no matter how long we take off, if we are alcoholic, we will find the exact same lows as our drinking took us before. So again, I'll sacrifice an hour a night 5 times a week if it means that I don't put another scar on my neck.\n\nNot to mention the other perks other than the \"lifelong struggle for sobriety\", such as the people and the better way of living, I can tell you that I am ten times the person I was when I was drinking. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1am3qj", "comment_id": "c8yyqsp"}, {"question": "148 days since my last drink. I am still missing my Gin and seltzer.", "description": "I have made it 148 days today.  I know I am better off right now, but I want a drink.  I know I should not have one and I have not.  I think about having one all the time.  I miss a good craft beer and I miss Gin.  How do you ever get to where you don't miss the booze?\n\nEdit: spelling.", "answer": "For me it took ten steps.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1kaymr", "comment_id": "cbn5a43"}, {"question": "His(40m) parents refuse to meet me(30f)", "description": "We've been together a little more than a year, and have been living together for 6 months. My parents have pretty much welcomed him and his son to the family, and his parents flat out refuse to meet me, though he visits them weekly. Any advice on how to deal with this? I have spoken to my bf, and he understands my feelings but doesn't know what to say about it.", "answer": "My experience is that this is usually due to the circumstances under which you and their son got together.  Sounds as though they have some hard feelings about the relationship.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1mycke", "comment_id": "ccdr40v"}, {"question": "Girl keeps catcalling me as a joke and im nOt into it", "description": "I (13f) keep getting catcalled and shit by a girl in my grade (8th btw)\nI'll me in math class and she'll say \"hey, your pretty hot! Can i date you?\" And then she'll start laughing and say \"just kidding haha\"\n\nIts getting on my nerves tbh. She asks if im dating anyone and constantly asks who my crush is. I tell her to stop and she wont. I cant tell if she likes me or if she's taunting me and it pisses me off. If she likes me, no big deal, tell her i dont like her move on. If shes taunting me (which im pretty sire she is) then that'll be harder to resolve. I just want to get through math class without being humiliated in front of everyone.", "answer": "Tell her again, firmly, to stop. \n\nThen go to your teacher or another trusted adult and ask them to talk to her about it. If it's making you uncomfortable it needs to stop.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e65u6e", "comment_id": "f9nzq6e"}, {"question": "What to do when this happens at a party?", "description": "Imagine you're at a party where you only really know one person. You're talking to your friend and another person comes up and starts talking to your friend. Do you stay and linger there, join in on their conversation, or try to find somebody else to interact with? What if the newcomer tells your friend to come with them? Would you follow them, or just stay behind? \n\nI honestly don't know what to do in these situations so I'd really appreciate any tips on how to act when this kind of thing happens! Note, I'm really bad at interacting with strangers so joining in on new conversations is difficult for me (unless I happen to find somebody who is standing alone). Thank you!", "answer": "Best thing to do is mingle.  If you're trying to work on social skills, sometimes it's even better to not go with a friend or make it a point not to spend time with them.  That way you're either forced to do one of two things.  Deal with being lonely or face your fears and anxiety and approach others.  It's easier for some people to make the choice to face their fears when the alternative is being alone.  It's not so easy to make this choice if the alternative is a safety blanket of having your friend.  \n\n\nI'd say walk around, talk to others who appear alone or if you overheard a group conversation about something you're interested about, join in.  \n\n\nI was at a party the other night where I hardly knew anyone.  I heard some Game of Thrones conversations going on, some Dungeons and Dragons conversations going on.  I jumped right in!  I'm not so lucky to be at parties with so many people with these niche interests of mine, but I'll usually jump into a music or sports conversation.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "blsm9s", "comment_id": "emrbh2h"}, {"question": "I dislike touching people. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable making escalating things with women hard. Advice?", "description": "Touching people makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable even mundane things like high-fives, hugs, holding hands or arms around shoulders. How do I get over this?", "answer": "I encourage you to take a ballroom or swing dancing class (or really any partner dancing style.) A partner dancing class will give you exposure to touching someone else in a safe, structured environment. My guess is that if you get a decent amount of exposure to touch, it will start to bother you much less.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "311x1j", "comment_id": "cpydqv6"}, {"question": "Annoyed/discouraged by tonight's meeting (rant)", "description": "I'm sorry - this is a rant.  I'm aware that I've been a blackout drunk for a while now, and my boyfriend of 8 years is sick of it.  It's at the point of giving me \"one last chance\" before I need to find somewhere else to live.  I had a bad night of drinking on Monday and I decided to find a meeting on Tuesday.  It was small; just 4 men and me, but it was helpful.  They told me about another meeting on Wednesday, much larger and had a bunch of other women who all gave me their phone numbers at the end.  Someone pointed me to the meeting I went to tonight, so I went.  It was terrible.  It felt so negative and unfriendly.  The tone seemed to be, \"If you haven't hit rock bottom, get out, and if you're lucky, you'll come back.\"  It was detailed \"drunk-o-logues\" and \"I didn't want to be here and I hated everyone in here and I drank in the parking lot after meetings.\"\n\nThe way I see it, the only thing keeping me from hitting rock bottom is that my boyfriend cares for me and has not kicked me out yet.  But I don't know how long I can continue to drink until I black out every night before he really does, seriously, ask me to leave.  I only drink to get drunk at home because I want to be in a safe place and not get in trouble with the law.  I sought out the meetings to make sure I stop now to prevent anything really terrible from happening to me.  I took the chip because I'm serious and I can't stop or cut back on my own.  I pretty much like everything in my life except that we fight because of what I do/say when I'm drinking and I'm starting to have some health issues like high blood pressure.  This is as bad as I want my life to get.  This is where I stop drinking.  \n\nBut this meeting really made me feel like \"rock bottom\" isn't until you've had your teeth kicked down your throat and woke up in jail, and then court-ordered to go to AA.  Do I really need to share that kind of past to be in the program?  Help!  I'm so annoyed and confused!\n\nTL;DR:  I tried to compare in, not to compare out, but I felt like I'm not a bad enough alcoholic to go to AA tonight and I'm confused.\n\nSorry for spelling/grammar issues - I'm frustrated and ranting.", "answer": "You're gonna run into this from time to time. Pissing contests are more common than I'd like to admit. Getting sober at 17 I'll occasionally run into the comment, \"I spilled more than you drank.\" I've been told to respond, \"maybe if you didn't spill so damn much you would've gotten here as quick as I did\" but the fact of the matter is I'm not there to qualify myself as an alcoholic, I'm there to give and hear solution, and if I'm lucky enough maybe help somebody out. Don't let people like this get you down.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1r6xzx", "comment_id": "cdkiyhc"}, {"question": "Girlfriend\u2019s dad caught us having sex", "description": "I\u2019ve been seeing this girl(20F), I\u2019m a guy(21M). We\u2019ve been seeing each other for about a month now, and we went to her place to watch a show. We got comfortable and ended up making out, etc.\nShe goes home to her parents place occasionally to check in with them/take care of her dog. She didn\u2019t this time.\nSo her and I, being independent adults, stayed up talking, but her dad apparently was looking for her and came banging on the door (apparently he\u2019d heard us from outside). It sounded pretty derisive from the bits I caught (he definitely cursed at her). I care about her and want to keep seeing her, but she was obviously distraught from being verbally berated, and I\u2019ve never been in that situation before (yes, not even in high school) because I\u2019ve been living on my own for the last 4 years, so I never really had to worry about parents coming. I did my best to comfort her, but she clearly needed to go.\nShe\u2019s awesome and I don\u2019t want this to stop us from seeing each other, but it seems like she\u2019s having a difficult time with family and has been trying to reconnect with them even before that situation. I\u2019ve never met her parents seeing as how we\u2019ve just started seeing each other a month ago.\nWhat do I do?", "answer": "First and foremost I'd suggest talking to her about the situation, how you feel about it, and what you guys mutually plan to do about it.  \n\n\nDoes she or the both of you plan on confronting/having a conversation with her father over his reaction?  Do you plan on ignoring it?  How are you going to either handle situations like that in the future or how do you plan to avoid situations like that in the future?  Are you both okay with the plan?\n\n\nAt your age, whether a person still lives with their parents or not and how to navigate the situation if they are is generally a MAJOR issue for the relationship and needs discussing.  It can be a deal breaker for some folks and if it is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep4hmc", "comment_id": "feh1gou"}, {"question": "Seriously at my wits end with this fear", "description": "I've been dealing with this my whole life. I decided I was done living in fear and avoiding every little aspect of a good, fun life. I started exposure therapy two months ago and it helped with my hand washing and eating out at restaurants. But I still don't feel normal. I had to get a surgery done at the dentist yesterday and they brought me 4 antibiotic pills to swallow which I wasn't expecting. I started having a panic attack and explained to them why I was so afraid of taking them. They all just stared at me dumbfounded. I started hyperventilating and couldn't calm down even after they took the pills away. They had to help me breathe so I wouldn't pass out. I have never hyperventilated before in my life and that's when I realized I really do not have this anxiety under control. So I made an appt with a psychiatrist to hopefully prescribe me prozac that I used to take as a kid. But again, it's a pill... and I'm afraid. But it feels like my last option at a good life. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I'm so jealous of all my friends that can just get drunk and ride airplanes and rollercoasters like it's no big deal. I feel like this fear is all I am anymore. My life, my personality revolves around it and it's just so shitty I can't do anything without thinking about it. Sorry for the rant guys, I'm just so fed up.", "answer": "I'm sorry you're having such a rough time lately :( Know that some set-backs are normal though - progress in therapy doesn't happen in a straight line! Also, exposure therapy for a phobia can take awhile to create some real change. Two months isn't all that long, depending on how severe the phobia is. Keep pushing and don't be discouraged by this bump in the road! There is hope.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "bf0uk1", "comment_id": "elatmeh"}, {"question": "Don't know who to talk to", "description": "Me and my husband of 5 years are going through a rough patch. I keep finding him speaking to women online, constantly complimenting their physical features in a way that a single man would. Saying things like \"the things he'll do To them or how he'd want to titty fuck the shit out of them. This isn't him at all... To give some back story, after having our daughter 3 years ago, I gained weight and now I'm fat. So my appearance isn't the same but he constantly tells me that he sees me the same. I've confronted him and he admitted to it but I'm having a hard time letting this go... What should I do...?", "answer": "marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5p717x", "comment_id": "dcoyxae"}, {"question": "Does anyone else feel like they \"know all the answers?\"", "description": "In both the \"I know what's wrong with me but there's NOTHING I can do\" way and the \"oh boy aren't I smarter and more intuitive\" kind of cocky way. I feel powerless against the anxiety that comes when I think about my last relationship which comes from lending too much identity which comes from not having a supportive  family of my own which brings repressed memories of abuse which, full circle, provides anxiety. I have a pretty good idea of my own mind, but completely lack the skills to deal with it. Secondly, sometimes I feel more attuned to the \"vibe\" of a room than others. This has been a consistent  phenomenon (others words, not mine.) Has anyone experienced anything like this? Sorry for rambling. Thanks.", "answer": "Yep. Also feel like I can read and understand people fast and succinctly. I feel like I \"get it\" and I'm super intelligent and that's why I'm unstable because nobody else gets it ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2y011j", "comment_id": "cp54exs"}, {"question": "Can stopping depression meds abruptly kill you?", "description": "This is really just a general question. Not sure if this is technically the place for it?? So please remove if not allowed.\n\nGender: female\nAge: 24\nMedications: reglan, venflaxine, lamotrigine, abilify\n\nI was on Facebook and saw an ad for a study on medication for people diagnosed with major depression. I commented and asked if you could still qualify if you had just stopped your medication recently. I was on 150mg of venflaxine and 100mg of lamotrigine and was later prescribed ability. I sort of stopped abruptly. For the lamotrigine I did cut the pill in half and only took half for a week before stopping entirely. The venflaxine I simply stopped taking. I know it wasn\u2019t a good idea to stop like that, in hindsight I guess I wasn\u2019t really thinking. I felt like the medication wasn\u2019t working for me and I was having medical issues at the time that I associated with the medication (which also stopped within a few days of me no longer taking the medication). I was in touch with my psychiatrist about it when I stopped and they didn\u2019t really say much other than suggesting we could send in a lower dose to wean me off the venflaxine instead. But I had already been 2 days without so they didn\u2019t send in the script. They couldn\u2019t really do because I\u2019m in the process of switching to someone else. \n\nWhen I commented on the ad for the study my comment had a few people respond to it saying not to do just stop because it could kill me? I understand the withdrawal symptoms and I definitely think I\u2019m dealing with those. But kill me? That sounded a bit far fetched to me, but then again, I\u2019m not a doctor so IDK. So I\u2019m asking you guys here, can this actually kill me?", "answer": "There are lots of scare-mongers on the internet.\n\nStopping an SSRI, SNRI, or most other antidepressants suddenly wont cause damage. It can be uncomfortable, which has gotten lots of press recently, and venlafaxine is one of the more notoriously unpleasant drugs to stop. But still, not everyone has any problems. If you didn\u2019t, they probably won\u2019t suddenly start.\n\nLamotrigine can be used as an anti-seizure medication as well. There\u2019s at least theoretically higher risk of seizures if you suddenly stop. For most people, the reduction in seizure threshold still doesn\u2019t put them at any risk of seizing.\n\nThe biggest problem with stopping these medications is that they won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do. i\nIt sounds like you\u2019ve been unimpressed, you\u2019re looking for a new psychiatrist, and you have a plan to enroll in a study. All of those are fine plans to get hopefully more effective treatment. Ideally it would have been done with your old psychiatrist involved from the beginning, but no disasters here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fd6zpp", "comment_id": "fjgorwr"}, {"question": "Which of these is likely to boost mood? (32F)", "description": "\nHi. My wife has MS (32F, 168cm, 58kg) and life has been tough recently. She takes Sertraline, which helps, but recently she found something new. Through an odd situation we were sent unsolicited vitamins from a MLM scheme and they told us to just keep them. My wife tried them and found she was happier, more motivated and generally in a great mood. \n\nGetting these vitamins from the MLM scheme is extremely expensive and not an option.  I bought, quality brand, vitamins, minerals, and supplements matching or exceeding the stated quantities for every one but the alternative do not give her the same boost as these vitamins do. So it must be something else in there and not just a specific vitamin etc.\n\nHere is the ingredients list: https://imgur.com/a/x7nLf2Z\n\nCan you see anything on there that jumps out as something that would significantly boost mood either on its own or in combination with Sertraline?", "answer": "Unfortunately there\u2019s minimal to no evidence behind any of these components for mood, and pills have a strong placebo effect for mood. It\u2019s also well demonstrates that the more expensive the placebo\u2019s sticker price, the better it works. Brains and minds are complex things.\n\nYou can find a lot of bad evidence online (including in this very post\u2019s comments!) on supplements and anti-inflammatory diets and keto and gluten. There\u2019s no *good* evidence for any of those. If there were, it would be standard of care.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j071hc", "comment_id": "g6p4in2"}, {"question": "[Serious] How can you focus on work when you have extreme tendencies to not do it.", "description": "Each year, I have been doing less work and piling more and more work. I keep telling myself I'll do it, but I just end of procrastinating and tell myself to quit and do it the next day.", "answer": "I think it's mostly about figuring out for yourself what you are avoiding, why precisely you are avoiding it, and why other things are more appealing. Clarity is the path to improvement I'd say. (e.g. when I say you should figure out why you are avoiding it, I am not pointing to an answer like \"I am too lazy\" or \"I don't want to\"; that's not a proper reason).", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7j1hkx", "comment_id": "dr33uu7"}, {"question": "[27/m] Awkward silences & difficulties when two Introverts start dating eachother.", "description": "I should preface this by saying that i've only ever dated extroverted people, they can often be quite tiresome and draining but they do bring out my social side. I like my social side, it's something I strive to bring out more; because I lost it many years ago. \n\nRecently however I started dating someone who is very introverted, a lot like me. Maybe even quieter. The quiet moments we spend in each others arms are some of the best i've experienced, but there's a glaring issue that I can't seem to get past. There is a lot of silence and It feels like too much silence. It *feels* awkward. But maybe that's just in my head. I get the feeling that both of us are thinking/worrying that the other person is finding it awkward, which makes it **more** awkward. \n\nI've had this issue with some of my more introverted friends before, but i've never dated someone that way. I did have a good idea in my head how it would probably be, and for the most part it's ended up true. She did warn me before hand that she is very quiet at first, but talks more as time goes on. But that doesn't seem to be the case, as it's just sort of stayed the same. She says that she finds me really easy to talk to, but there isn't much talking at all. So i'm quite confused.\n\nIt's strange because we have *so* much in common but we don't really talk about it. I've never been with someone who's had as much in common with me as she does, but in stark contrast it has the least conversation out of all previous relationships by far, even the ones with people I had very little in common with.\n\nNeither of us small talk particularly well either so there are extended silences. Especially during car rides where i'm focused on the road and struggle trying to come up with conversation topics. It also feels like i'm the one that has to try and spark up conversation, and I never really know what to say. If I don't do it, she rarely does and it feels like my attempts often end with a minute of dialogue and then back to silence because she answers quite bluntly and doesn't bounce the conversation back. I've always thrived in situations where the person i'm speaking to gives me enough information to ask a followup question, or asks me a followup question. It keeps the conversation flowing. But that just doesn't happen here. \n\nWe both really like each other and she's expressed interest in taking to a more serious level so i'd like to try and give this time to develop and try to make it work.\n\n**TLDR**: Are you an introvert that's dated someone more introverted than you? How did you make it work? Did you ever feel uncomfortable with the silences, did they feel awkward? Any videos on conversation advice that helped you would be welcome too.", "answer": "if there's silence, maybe do your own thing for a while...read a book, etc...and talk when there's something to say. accept it as part of who you are.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yhtvz", "comment_id": "dmnjekp"}, {"question": "I went to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting last night", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Three days down, great job! \ud83d\udc4d\ud83c\udffb you can do it, OP!", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "epkuq0", "comment_id": "feklytk"}, {"question": "Can you take a kalms tablet after consuming caffeine?", "description": "Forgive me if I am writing this in the wrong subreddit, I am new to this. If it is in the wrong one, please tell me where to post.\n\nI am female, 22 years old, 5ft7, weigh 140lbs. \nI don't take any medications.\nDo not drink or smoke.\nNo serious medical issues. I have a persistent cough from a chest infection from two months ago. I also get heart palpitations sometimes.\n\nI suffer with anxiety and excessive sweating however, so I get very nervous and very sweaty in certain situations. \n\nI have my driving test coming up and I get extremely anxious when driving under pressure and I get sweaty palms so I will take a kalms tablet like an hour or so before the test.\n\n I was wondering if anyone else has taken one before their driving test and if it helped? Is it safe for me to take considering I get heart palpitations? I have had them checked out at the cardiologist and he put it down to anxiety. Does kalms make a big difference? I have never taken one before, so I don't know how I'll react to it on me on my test.\n\nBut my main question is, I was also wondering if I can have a coffee in the morning, then take the kalms right after? Would the caffeine affect it in any way? I need a coffee in the morning to function and my test is in the morning.\n\nKalms is a stress relieving tablet made from herbal remedies, and is supposed to be natural.", "answer": "Kalms pills contain an assortment of herbs. From what I can tell, none have any evidence of being effective for anything in particular. There's no reason you couldn't take it after coffee, but there's also no reason to expect it to do anything, with or without coffee.\n\nMy advice would be to save your money.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cq0oh1", "comment_id": "ewsw4mb"}, {"question": "Therapists: do you ever have sessions where your client is lying down?", "description": "Like how you see in the movies basically, lol.\nLying down on a sofa or something with the head under a pillow.\n\nI always see it in movies but have never seen it in real life.\nI was on the phone talking to my nan about my anxiety, and I laid down on my bed and felt more comforted, so it seems like it works to some extent and I was wondering if it would be weird for me to ask my therapist if I could lie down during our sessions sometimes if I\u2019m talking about something that makes me anxious (whenever we go back to doing in-person appointments)", "answer": "That is pretty specific to psychodynamic therapy. If you would feel more comfortable,  you should definitely ask. I have a couch, but am never directive with my patients. I have only had one person lie down.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hf6dib", "comment_id": "fw0546g"}, {"question": "Messed up", "description": "We have been married for 1.5 years and dated a year before that. We haven't had sex in last 1.5 years. In fact we had a bit just a bit like a couple of times. I have a high sex drive but my parter doesn't get turned on by my touch/kiss/talk anything. She is always scared of intercourse and we end up in a bad mood whenever I try to initiate. We had a bad fight last week and I told her that we have to solve this to get this relationship going. Last night she was working on her laptop and I told her that hey let's go and sleep together since we haven't slept at the same time for the whole week. She was like I want to work for an hour and then be in bed. I waited 50 mins and became too sleepy and just went up. I told her that we cannot solve it like this. She choose to keep working. What should I do I am really not feeling well about this. ", "answer": "you need marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6z2j6v", "comment_id": "dms287b"}, {"question": "Burned face after one head CT scan", "description": "Hi, I'm a 28 year old female and this past year I went to the ED for headache and got a CT scan. While I was being scanned, it took everything in me to be still and not jump off the table, it was a horrible feeling going through my face, I could feel the scan itself. A few min after the scan was done parts of my face became very red. So for a few days after I had red spots on my face and lips that felt just like a sunburn. I wrote the hospital about this and they \"apparently looked into it\" and checked the radiation levels of the machine and said it was working normally and that I got a normal dose of radiation. Is this bullshit or are some people just extra sensitive to CT scans? Thanks!!", "answer": "This sounds like an unrelated thing. You can't feel a CT, and a CT is not a variable radiation source. I suspect that some other skin reaction happened just as you were getting the scan. Insect bites, contact dermatitis, or something of the sort.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e9u0qy", "comment_id": "fam3xvz"}, {"question": "Need Resources ASAP! Starting to affect mental health.", "description": "19 years old\nMale\n5.9\n233 pounds\nWhite\n\nI'm currently living in Tennessee\n\nThrowaway for obvious reasons. I've been dealing with a STD for about a month now on my mouth and the head of my penis. \n\nSmall white bumps. \n\nit's made me into a recluse and is starting to affect my mental health. I don't know where to start looking for resources at all. My question is where and what kind of doctor should I call and bring this up with? Need responce ASAP.\n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "See your primary care doctor whether it's a pediatrician, family practitioner, or internist. This is one of the reasons to have a primary doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9yiv0z", "comment_id": "ea1qw5t"}, {"question": "How the fuck do you hold conversation?", "description": "I have this problem where I can't really make any new friends thanks to me, failing to hold conversation. I'm sick of relying other people to be very talkative and just responding with filler words. Ive been stuck with the same friends for years. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful to have them in the first place but I feel like I'm starting to grow apart from them. I feel so alone and its all my fault. Thanks to me, struggling with meeting new people, keep eye contact, talk until you're comfortable with them etc. There are times where I just feel like I rather be alone than to talk to people. But why do I feel like this? I don't want to be by myself but sometimes I can't help but to only have myself as company.\n\nThere are times I know the other person just doesn't want to talk to me because I bring up generic topics to talk about (how are you doing? Any plans for today? What are you up to now?). But I don't know how to talk... I've been like this for years now. \n\nI don't want to stay alone because I end up overthinking everything and think the world hates me. Why the fuck am I like this? I need help!", "answer": "A couple thoughts (I skimmed through other comments, apologies if I\u2019m repeating anyone) \n\n- the way you experience yourself and the way other people experience you are often very, very different. While you may feel the silences or the eye contact are awkward, your friends might not be thinking twice about it. While you think you\u2019re no good at carrying a conversation, other people might not think this at all. Sometimes we can get really fixated and anxious about a certain topic, and analyze it in minute detail in a way that other people just aren\u2019t. If you have a friend who it feels comfortable to talk to about this kind of stuff, maybe you could just ask. Read this post to him. Tell him you\u2019d like honest feedback. The absolute worst case scenario is that they say they\u2019ve noticed some awkwardness but aren\u2019t particularly bothered by it (because if it absolutely drove them NUTS and was completely unbearable, they would have found a way to stop interacting with you by now.)  \n\n- So maybe you learn you are a little awkward, or you\u2019d still like to build some conversational skills regardless of what your friend says. This is totally fine! We\u2019re all born and learn varying degrees of various skills, and need more assistance/coaching in some areas than others. It doesn\u2019t help that our public schools provide basically zero education on relationships and healthy socialization past kindergarten. I mean, if it\u2019s an area that you already have a bit of difficulty in, and it has been largely neglected by most every adult in your life growing up in favor of pure academics, well...it\u2019s no wonder that TONS of people struggle with with socialization/relationships in one way or another. In a lot of ways, it is a skill that needs to directly taught, not just picked up on through observation and inference growing up. That\u2019s my opinion/mini-rant anyway. Can you tell I have a passion for social/emotional education? \ud83d\ude02 it\u2019s kind of my professional jam. \n\nANYWAY!! All of that said - if you\u2019ve found that there\u2019s a skill you struggle with or would like to improve in, study it! Depending on your comfort level, this might mean at first just reading some books or maybe taking an online workshop on communication skills. While I don\u2019t have suggestions off the top of my head, I guarantee you these exist and a quick google search will give you more results than you want. Just be sure to research the quality of the product before you buy it, just like you would with anything else. Read reviews and investigate the credentials and work/educational background of the author or workshop facilitator. This will help you to avoid the wacky, pseudoscience-y, or just generally crappy and unhelpful sources that are inevitable and prolific in the \u201cself help\u201d world. \n\n- If it doesn\u2019t feel like too much of a stretch, it would be great to find someone to practice on/with. After all, the skill you\u2019re trying to learn does directly involve other people, so independent learning will only take you so far (again, in my opinion. I don\u2019t have definitive research I can quote, but I have been working in this field for 13 years so, I do kind of know what I\u2019m talking about - usually \ud83d\ude02). So, this person could be a friend or family member who\u2019s willing to help out, but you might be more comfortable for a variety of reasons if you find some type of \u201cprofessional\u201d to work with. No risk of judgment, you get their full attention, and they will have had at least some training in how to talk to people and can probably give better feedback. This could be a therapist, or someone like a life coach/mentor. Just keep in mind that people who market themselves in the coach/mentor field do NOT have to have clinical training and don\u2019t have to answer to an accrediting body. This might be totally fine with you as you don\u2019t necessarily need the clinical side of things, but it\u2019s something to keep in mind.  They also aren\u2019t going to identify or treat any potential mental health symptoms that could be impacting your social life. At most, they might refer you to a licensed therapist, but they generally have only basic mental health first aid training and only know to identify and refer for obvious mental health crisis type symptoms. Eek my bias areis showing. Ok, I think you\u2019d get the most bang for your buck with a licensed therapist. Truth. \n\nI\u2019m a therapist, and I\u2019ve totally done this type of work with people of all ages and all walks of life. A therapist can provide feedback and suggestions, model appropriate social skills, work with you to rehearse/practice for specific social situations that you might be extra anxious about, and if needed help you work on self-esteem/building more realistic and less anxiety-based or deprecating self-talk, and other anxiety symptoms if you have that going on (I\u2019m in no way providing or suggesting a diagnosis here, so please no finger wagging or lectures, my fellow therapists. Just giving an example!) 9 times out of 10, the folks who are diligent, consistent, and at least somewhat willing and open-minded will find that the work they do in therapy around this type of concrete skill building leads to a tangible, measurable improvement and overall comfort in using the skill (again no citation, just going off of my overall experience).\n\n- Another suggestion, which could be done in conjunction with or instead of therapy: join some type of self-help, support, or social group, maybe one run by a facilitator and specific to building social skills, or maybe just a group for your demographic or interests (college student, married with children, POC, gamer, documentary buff, whatever you may be). This will give you a ready-made group of people to practice on (whether they know it or not!) who you already know have some similar interests or life experiences \u2014 aka, easy and obvious conversation topics! Some people are especially comfortable practicing in groups where they don\u2019t know anyone because it\u2019s pretty low risk. If it\u2019s too difficult, you can always leave, and you aren\u2019t responsible for or beholden to anyone. \n\nWowzers, this got very long. Please forgive me, OP and others slogging through the comments. I am a therapist who is currently stuck at home on bedrest due to a complicated pregnancy, and I clearly miss my work, and have a lot of free time on my hands. \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\n\nGood luck OP!\n\n(Edited for several typos that I would have lost sleep over)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "c6q9v1", "comment_id": "esawn3q"}, {"question": "Suffering with chronic abdominal pain, doctors won\u2019t help at all. Please help!", "description": "Age: 18\nSex: F\nHeight: 5\u20192\nWeight: 100lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: A few months\nLocation: Around my belly button which is my previous surgical site from when I had an ileostomy as an infant\nExisting medical issues: Crohn\u2019s disease, and a pinching/pulling pain in my abdomen (mentioned above)\nCurrent medications: Effexor 150 mg daily.\n\nI\u2019d just like to add that I\u2019ve been to multiple doctors and they\u2019ve all dismissed my pain. I think it could be adhesions from my previous surgery\u2019s as an infant. No one believes it because they can\u2019t actually see them without going in. No one wants to operate on me and I\u2019m at a loss. One doctor mentioned that it looked like my family was \u201cdoctor shopping\u201d which is not the truth at all. We just want an answer so I can have my quality of life back. Can you suggest what it could be or what I can do? I\u2019m lost, and I can\u2019t live like this forever.\n\nThank you, \n            Sydney Toscano \n\n\n", "answer": "Adhesions from a procedure done when you were an infant are unlikely to suddenly start causing pain almost two decades later. If you have Crohn's you probably have a gastroenterologist. What did he/she say?\n\nI would be very careful of exploratory surgery to try to find the source of pain. All too often it finds no source but causes adhesions, and then you have another reason for pain and can end up caught in a cycle of surgeries to repair the damage of the previous surgeries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq1cnb", "comment_id": "egcqo4g"}, {"question": "I feel things deeply and suddenly, so I just wanted to give a shoutout to all my ADHD brothers and sisters who cry like pregnant women...", "description": "...and if you're pregnant with ADHD, just know everything will be okay :)", "answer": "Hahaha I love this and I often go to write a post like this.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "by0q6m", "comment_id": "eqbtda2"}, {"question": "I know panic attacks can feel like heart attacks, but...", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "It sounds a bit wierd, but not sinister. The normal ECG/EKG is reassuring.\n\nAny significant changes in your lifestyle over the past few weeks?\n\nDo you get any symptoms suggestive of indigestion or heartburn?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xg5ji", "comment_id": "dei6wen"}, {"question": "Is there a way to stop kicking in my sleep so my wife can sleep more peacefully?", "description": "I kick, toss, turn, and twitch so much in my sleep I often need to migrate to the couch or another bed in the middle of the night to allow my wife to rest properly. I disturb her sleep so much it alters her entire mood the next day. I feel terrible disturbing her so badly. It hasn't caused any marital problems or notable issues (aside from irritability) as of yet but I don't want it to lead to anything that could cause any sort of separation between us. \n\nAre there any solutions to sleeping more soundly or controlling my restlessness so we can continue sharing our bed together? Do any experts know what may be causing this to begin with? ", "answer": "Oh god, sleeping next to my SO is like sleeping in a canoe full of badgers. We're moving soon, so I did some research on this, under the idea that we might get a new bed, mattress, etc. when we move. That or I will start to drug him.\n\n- Apparently if the offending party takes melatonin, this helps some\n- An old spring mattress + boxspring + crappy frame is the worst combo for motion transfer, which is what we have, hooray. Apparently any improvement on any of these factors helps.\n- Memory foam mattresses, and slat-based frames are better. Twin mattresses side-by-side are supposedly the best.\n- Even a memory foam topper helps some -- you sink in so the crazy sleeper can't move as much.\n\nhttp://www.sleeplikethedead.com/mattress-isolation.html had some useful info too in terms of mattress types\n\nDisclaimer: we haven't actually tried any of these yet.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "445pno", "comment_id": "cznn5e7"}, {"question": "I'm replacing weed with alcohol and that is not good", "description": "When I am in Boston for my last semester of school, I literally do not know what to do with myself on the weekends. During the week\nI get out of the house and am so busy so smoking temptations are not present. On the weekend, I have nothing to occupy my time, and I am drinking more. The temptation to smoke is so much higher as well.\n\nAny tips for surviving the weekends? Today is day 6. I'm gonna head back to bed for a nap and hopefully when j wake up I will be motivated to do stuff. \n\nUPDATE: Day 7 without weed, day 1 without alcohol. I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to this weekend, but I am feeling so much better about myself. Going to read a book before bed, give myself some relaxing time before I go to sleep. I feel absolutely amazing at the end of a hard weekend.", "answer": "You can't just expect to remove a large part of your life that involved habit and self comfort, without having a replacement. Something healthy. Friends, family, a relationship,  sports or gym  or exercise, etc... Something to occupy your time", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "42b65f", "comment_id": "cz8zvze"}, {"question": "please, just read.", "description": "i've been in a really bad place for a while now and seeing the positivity on here makes me the slightest bit more happy. it's as if people can *see* me, even though there are so many users behind screens. just wanted to **get that off my chest**", "answer": "I love you and you are not alone", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d8bsy", "comment_id": "dpw9mmk"}, {"question": "Easy Social Tip Thread", "description": "Hey guys lets gather round and post some simple social tips we've learned on our journeys of self improvement. Think things that that are immediately applicable and and easy to implement. I'll start:\n\nInstead of pointing at someone during a conversation, which can come across as aggressive and rude, gesture at them with an upward facing palm and outstretched fingers, as if you're presenting something to them. Doing this in lieu of pointing will make you seem much more open and less standoffish. ", "answer": "Make deliberate goals, and practice specifically to achieve those goals. If you go to the golf course and swing your club randomly, you're never going to get better. But if you go and deliberately practice part of your swing, you will get better. \n\nSame thing with social skills--set realistic goals, figure out the baby steps that lead to your goal, and practice practice practice. \n\nIf you need more advice, [this](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/foundations/where-are-you-going) is a good resource on setting social skills goals.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11p7td", "comment_id": "c6oi3v2"}, {"question": "Am I strange or has someone else had a similar idea?", "description": "As a person who suffers from depression;\nI wonder if it is ever possible that suicide could be legally allowed and/or treated in the same way that euthanasia is. Of course as it stands euthanasia is only legal in Switzerland but the right to die is gaining more support globally. \n\nI'm not saying that people under the age of 21 should be helped in ending their life or that we should stop trying to help those who are suicidal. However if a person makes the decision to no longer wishes to be alive, and has attempted medication and or therapy for longer than or equal to a 12 week period of time; they should be allowed to make that decision.There should still be a waiting period, as people may change their mind. I also don't believe that taxpayers should pay for this but the individual. I would certainly prefer to die in a controlled environment, that is mostly painless rather than a long and/or extremely painful way.  \n\nThis is just my opinion of course, but I wonder has anyone had similar thoughts ?", "answer": "Twelve weeks? Therapy can take longer than that to have effect, and when trying medications, twelve weeks might be enough to try two thoroughly. \n    \nNot to mention that even chronic depression comes in waves. People usually commit suicide when they very recently started an antidepressant or their depression is beginning to lift. The reality is that there are many things to try when dealing with mental illness, and suicide is a solution you can't undo. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "239tlx", "comment_id": "cgvc863"}, {"question": "Meant to talk to my therapist about this", "description": "But didn't! She asked how I was doing and I answered her truthfully.... But omitted what was really weighing on me. Idk why. She followed off of what I did mention (my productivity) and that became the topic instead.\n\nWhat's really on my mind: I recently reconnected with someone I used to hookup with. He gave me a blank check for where to take things. I think?? I like him and am into him, but am naturally fearful of non casual contexts. So I've been fussing over how to handle things.\n\nI have a sense of how I want to manage things.. but am second guessing lots. I even second guess the best manner to tell him what I have in mind (in person, or over text). In the end, I figured in person, but he's not available tomorrow. So I switched to telling him I'd describe it to him later today over text.\n\nOverall I'm afraid of opening up romantic possibilities between us only to put him off by being overly invested. It's easily possible, he's a casual guy as far as I can tell (even if he's open to dating, which I'm second guessing).. whereas when I like someone I get super psyched out (if you can't tell).\n\nI'd also hate to pursue romance only to realize we don't mesh well (despite my attraction). Which is why I've been meaning to ask to explore each other mostly in the bedroom like we used to, just with more room to low key \"get to know each other.\" And if we feel like doing cute stuff outside of the bedroom then we can act on those impulses. But intentionally dating is scary to me. For risk of rejection I suppose.\n\nI want everything to be chill but I'm just not. Chill. Lol :')", "answer": "Sounds like you\u2019re being thoughtful and aware of your feelings. If you were my client (I\u2019m a therapist), I might recommend being open and honest about what you\u2019d like. And figuring that out for yourself first, if you\u2019re not sure. \n\nMost people enter a relationship on their best behavior and slowly start to let their true selves out. This is why things change. If people went into relationships honestly and open about our messiness and shortcomings, then things don\u2019t change later. The other person can either take us as we are then or move on, but either way, we\u2019ve saved ourselves some pain and jumping through hoops we created. Let them see the real you and then you know they like you for you, and not the You you think they want. Am I making sense?\n\nYou may be attracted to him, but if he\u2019s not willing to respect what you want or at least consider it and be honest back, then I\u2019d say you\u2019d be dodging a bullet by moving on. Best of luck! New relationships can be fun! You can always go in with I\u2019m going to make the most of our time together, no matter how short or long we have.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajw89w", "comment_id": "eezd56a"}, {"question": "My (24F) fiance (M28) wants a prenup. Concerned about the premise already.", "description": "My fiance and I are getting married in about a year. We just moved across the county to pursue an opportunity in his career. I quit my job (which I loved) so we could do this. It was a mutual decision we made (I'll make the sacrifice this time, he'd do the same for me someday), but I'm just adding that to illustrate some of the current life situation for us. \n\nHe requested a prenup. Neither of us have debt, or in my opinion, THAT many assets. He does have some money saved and inherited and stuff which he wants to protect, and I am fine with that and told him a long time ago that I'm willing to sign a prenup. \n\nBut apparently he expects me to split the cost of getting the prenup made with him. I feel like I have nothing to gain from a prenup, and if he wants to protect his money from me, he should be the one paying for it. We always split costs in our relationship, but this is one that I'm not on board with investing my own money into. \n\nWe don't have the documents drafted yet, but he has mentioned expecting me to waive alimony in the event of a divorce. After doing more research, I don't know if I should be quick to say yes to that, because I'm already making sacrifices in my career for his. If this trend continues, where will that leave me? Alimony exists for a reason. I have no idea what our life circumstances will be by the time (and if) we get divorced. \n\nI am totally ok with the concept of a prenup. But part of that reason is because I have always thought of prenups as a way to make sure both people are going to be OK in the event of a divorce. I don't want him to be screwed if we get divorced. I expected him to feel the same way toward me. \n\nI was so flabberghasted when he told me (his fiance who just quit her job to follow him across the country and is now unemployed and searching for a new job) that we were splitting the $5,000 cost of the prenup creation, that I haven't expressed any of these objections yet.\n\nI don't want to sound like I'm in this for the money, so I've been afraid to push back much. But, come on right? Shouldn't the person proposing the prenup pay for it? And is it totally crazy to refuse to waive the right to pursue alimony in the event of a divorce? \n\nEDIT: $5,000 estimate did not come from an attorney, it came from his dad telling him what to expect.\n\nEDIT: Added a little more context.", "answer": "If you need a prenup you're starting out with distrust. What's the point, really.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l1iz6", "comment_id": "djqibyw"}, {"question": "Who diagnoses things?", "description": "Something has always been off and I have seen multiple therapists over the years, but none of them have told me what's wrong with me. After 10 years of (I suspect) depression and 5 years of suicide ideation, I know there is something wrong. I say 'suspect' because no one has diagnosed me with depression, even though a psychiatrist prescribed me Zoloft in college. I declined, because I thought it was fishy that upon my first meeting with him he prescribed me medication without officially diagnosing me. Who do I speak to in the mental health community that can tell me what's going on?", "answer": "Therapists, PhD psychologists, and psychiatrists can make diagnoses. Depression is typically pretty obvious and easy to assess for. I would suggest seeing a therapist, letting them know you would like to pursue a diagnosis in order to name what you have been feeling is 'off' for such a long time. \nThey will likely do an assessment that will take anywhere from one hour to 3 sessions to complete. They may ask you to do some testing as well. After all that you should schedule a session to review their diagnoses that they think you meet criteria for, and give you recommendations for therapy and/or treatment. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "852q6e", "comment_id": "dvuai8z"}, {"question": "Planning groups for adolescents...", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'd recommend asking in /r/psychotherapy", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejk5y6", "comment_id": "fd0m5pz"}, {"question": "Possible Conversion Disorder", "description": "My mom is 48F, 5\u20192\u201d, 171 lbs, Caucasian. She\u2019s been having insanely bad head pain since 2-14 and we\u2019ve been to the ER 4 times and our local neuroscience group twice. CT scan, MRV, MRI, and spinal taps have all come back 100% clean and nothing is medically endangering her. What I believe is triggering this from some research I did is repressed memories being turned into physical symptoms. Her mother passed away about 25 years ago and recently her father was in a car crash and being unresponsive to physical therapy saying things like \u201cit isn\u2019t worth it\u201d. I think what happened to her dad is triggering memories of her mother\u2019s death and that process, therefore causing these physical symptoms. Is this something I can make a case to a doc about to see if they can make a treatment plan? I hate seeing my mom in this much unbearable pain over this long of a time period. They\u2019ve tried a plethora of different medications and injections. They even did an occipital nerve block and nothing is lasting more than a few hours. She does have a history of headaches and migraines. Depression has also plagued her for a long time. Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Pain is not conversion disorder. Definitionally, conversion or functional neurological disorder is not only pain as a symptom.\n\nShe could be having physical pain as a manifestation of emotional pain. That\u2019s also a fairly common trigger for migraines. It sounds like doctors are already working on her headache. Adding a \u201cnon-medical\u201d cause doesn\u2019t clarify or help anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7maqy", "comment_id": "ficb2lp"}, {"question": "I desperately want to communicate with my dad, but I'm scared", "description": "TL;DR - I miss my dad now more than ever. He did a huge part in raising me right when my mom was having trouble raising me (divorced). Certain events made me stop calling him and it's eating at me. It has been around 8 years since I last spoke to him. I am 23. He probably had an idea of what he wanted to do as a father - watching his children grow up into responsible adults. And I very selfishly took that from him. I hate myself for it.\n\nFirst off, a little about me. I've always had a fear of being close to people. I later grew up to find out that I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder. I am on government disability because I can't work. I am gay, but almost entirely anti-sexual due to my disabilities. One of my hardest challenges is answering the phone, which lead to me not talking to my dad anymore. Even IMing over Facebook is painfully difficult for me. I once tried to contact my dad on Facebook but it went very wrong. Basically, my stepmom intervened and shunned me for being gay and owning a 2nd, private Facebook account to avoid my family. More details on my stepmom later.\n\nMy dad. Basically, he's old fashioned. Watches TV, doesn't use a cell phone, barely uses a computer. Hunts, fishes, 4-wheeler. Air Force. Majorly disciplined-based. Hates gay people, hates anybody you would call a \"snowflake\". Very laid-back. Not very understanding of abnormalities in people, I guess. But he's an excellent father. He never did anything wrong to me, despite our differences. Blocking him out of my life is easily my worst mistake.\n\nMy stepmom. I spent 5 years with her and my dad. I tried so very hard to gain her respect and love. She was very emotionally neglecting. Not abusive, but absent. She also started drinking alcohol, which ultimately ended in her kicking me and my brother out of the house while my dad was stationed in Korea (Air Force). My brother and I tried so hard with her, but our dad didn't see what we were going through. He always sided with her - even that night we got kicked out. I was 14 and my brother was 16. We had to spend the night at our neighbor's house while my mom came overnight to get us. I hate blaming people, but I do single-handedly blame her for the severity of my relationship with my dad. If she hadn't gotten drunk and kicked out her mid teenaged step children, none of this would have happened. My dad would have come back from Korea and continued to be a great father. I could go on about this nonstop, so I'll just force an end with that.\n\nFinally, my relationship with my dad and how it has affected me. I was 15 or 16 when I last spoke to him. I think about him almost every day. And when I do, it's dreadfully painful for me. I love him to death but I don't have the courage or willpower to even write him a letter. I'm terrified of what he will say to me. What if I finally do it and he blames me for blocking him out? What if he has finally gotten over me leaving and no longer wants to communicate with me?\n\nMy biggest fear is that he will get sick or even grow old and I miss the years of opportunity to fix this. I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I'm so scared.", "answer": "Well my friend; I'm a therapist and this is about the most thoughtful, mature post I've ever read.\nWe can't control what other people do and think. So we have to act based on our own thoughts and feelings first and foremost. The important thing is you have the maturity, and the sensitivity, and the intelligence to process all of this painful stuff.  So I would suggest you act on your heart, which is your desire to contact him and explore the possibilities of a good future as father and son.   You have to be fully mentally prepared for anything,  since his psyche is an unknown variable.  He could do or say anything;  from ignoring you, to being vitriolic, and everything in between. William Faulkner said \"between grief and nothing, I will take grief\".  If the worst scenario occurs, than your Dad has lots of permanent inadequacies, totally unrelated to you. If the result is fair to great, then I think you answered the call of your generous spirit.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjts6", "comment_id": "ddn1xpl"}, {"question": "Are ozone injections safe?", "description": "Female, 60 years old, unknown height, slightly overweight, and caucasian.\n\nMy mum has a strong tendency to believe even the wildest quackery, and she recently phoned me to tell me that a friend of hers recommended she go get ozone injections in her joints \"to regenerate carthilage\" or something to that effect.\n\nI understand that inhaling ozone is toxic, but I don't know about injecting it. Is it safe? If so, is it even useful?\n\nI expressed my reservations about the whole thing, but unfortunately, she doesn't listen to a word I say.\n", "answer": "It isn't useful. It isn't extremely dangerous, since people apparently do this and don't drop dead, but this \"therapy\" probably has some acute risk and more chronic risk. You know all the hype about antioxidants? Ozone is an oxidant. That's probably what mediates its toxicity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9fccxo", "comment_id": "e5veo2l"}, {"question": "Bad Globus sensation. Should I see a doctor?", "description": "Ok, quick rundown.  I am an 18 year old female with really bad anxiety. I've been having what I think is severe Globus sensation. It started after some incredibly bad dry mouth from meds I am taking for the anxiety. However, I am afraid that my throat might be closing up. Is it possible?", "answer": "Still alive?\n\nAs you probably know, it's your anxiety doing this. What dose of mirtazapine are you on at the moment? Ever tried to learn some CBT techniques for anxiety (www.llttf.com)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rwn1n", "comment_id": "dl9vsm1"}, {"question": "My (29F) new guy (29M) doesn't initiate affection and I think maybe we're just not compatible...", "description": "Hi there.  \nWe have been friends for a year and over the last 3 months we have been getting steadily more and more romantic.  He was living some hours away until about a month ago, he moved to my neighborhood.  So now we hang out several times a week and chat a bit every day and we have a really special connection.  We generally just get each other and we can talk about everything and we have so much fun.   It's been really intense. Also at some point (~1 month ago) I made him choose between friendship and romance - because it was rather ambiguous to me, and he is a bit of the \"flows with the wind\" kinda guy (obviously he chose romance).  He got out of a long-termer back in November and was planning on only spending 3 months in my town because of his job (he chooses to move around because he wants to explore the country).  So I think he wasn't interested in rushing into anything.  Now, he says he might extend his stay here....  So yes, I know he's into it.  \n\nI find tho that he doesn't initiate affection.  Eg. he comes over and he sits on my couch and I go to kiss him and he turns his head, and I get upset.  This happens kinda often.  He says he's just not into kissing.  He'd rather snuggle/cuddle and prefers touch over kiss.  Ok..maybe.  But I can't help that I get upset if you don't kiss me, or return the kiss.   Maybe this is growing pains from transitioning from a friendship to a romantic relationship.\n\nAlso last night someone asked us if we're a couple, and he said, \"....kinda\".   Am I being too needy? Am I requesting too much too soon? \n\nWhat do you think? \n", "answer": "1- you have a right to know what he consider this friendship. Push for definition and clarity.\n\n2- some people don't like kissing. talk to him and see if there's some wiggle room on that front/", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6oo3g5", "comment_id": "dkiuqyt"}, {"question": "What do you believe caused your emetophobia?", "description": "I recently have been spending a lot of time thinking about what may have caused my emetophobia.\n\nI am 28 now and have had generalized anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, which I have been in therapy for since I was 18.  I did see a school counselor since the age of 6 for anxiety as well, before that.  I don't know if GAD came first or emet.  Chicken or the egg.\n\nIt almost feels like it is on the tip of my tongue what caused it but I can't pin it down. Or maybe it's a variety of things. I did have a very bad illness when I was in elementary school that lasted a week, so perhaps that was the traumatizing event. I also remember being sick in a public mall when I was little (maybe 4 or 5) and I distinctively remember my mom pulling me out of the mall sternly saying \"WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?\" in regards to me being sick. (I also remembered thinking, \"I don't know, mom!  I didn't want it to happen!)\n\nI also remember an incident early on in my childhood (2nd grade or so) where I didn't want to go to school for weeks because a child in my class had been sick.\n\nFinally, my mom had a very strict parenting style.  Shove all problems under the rug and appear perfect type of perfectionism needed at all times.  I do believe this plays into my emetophobia because I don't like not being in control myself now, and being sick is my ultimate loss of control.\n\nSorry for the musings.  I am just trying to make sense of it all.  How could anxiety, especially emetophobia, happen to me at such a young age?  Is it all parenting? Genetics? A mix?\n\nDoes anyone know for sure what caused their phobia?", "answer": "I've had this phobia for as long as I can remember (I'm 22 now). I think part of it is related to my older sister having IBS and being lactose intolerant from a young age. We used to share a room as kids and she would tell me about how sick eating dairy made her. I distinctly remember her telling me that it sometimes made her throw up so hard that she passed out. Likely she was just exaggerating, but that might have affected me. I also have a type A, anxiety-laden type of personality, though the general anxiety might be more of a result from the emetophobia.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "5lxmup", "comment_id": "dcnfwvx"}, {"question": "Getting my friend sectioned. What can he take with him?", "description": "I'm looking to go out and buy my friend a few things before he gets sectioned to hopefully ease his time there.  He's into writing and drawing, so I was thinking about getting him a few art supplies, but I don't know what the policy is on pointy objects like pencils.  I'm really not sure if they allow you to bring in anything at all.\n\nI was going to pick up a few graphic novels, too, but will he be able to take them?  Will violent themes be an issue?  Will I be able to bring board or card games while visiting?  \n\nAny help would be appreciated.  The websites I've found don't really seem to cover this part.", "answer": "Before he gets sectioned? Is he not going in voluntarily? How do you know that he will be sectioned?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kauav", "comment_id": "dbn89w0"}, {"question": "Tapering of Zoloft; necessary after 4 days?", "description": "I'm a male, 71 kgs, 5ft9 and 23 years old. I've been on 25 mg of sertraline (zoloft) for the past 4 days. However due to really bad side effects i was advised to stop taking the pills. Should i 'taper off' after such a short amount of time? \n\nHow should i proceed if i have to taper off? Could i experience withdrawal effects? \n\n​\n\nThank you very much in advance. ", "answer": "No, there's no need to taper off after such a short time or such a low dose.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9inono", "comment_id": "e6l7xew"}, {"question": "Are all community colleges like this?", "description": "  I have started a college application process a thousand times, have given up before, accidentally skipped steps, and deadlines etc etc. I barely graduated high school and didn't think/told by high school I have what it took to go to college and suggested trade school.\n  \nAt 20 they diagnosed me with  adhd -hyperactivity, I tried telling my parents as a kid but they said excuses excuses,   I have been taking meds like a year-ish.... \n I\n decided to do a last  college application to a local  community college. \n \n This time  I did complete all requirements, before deadlines, I took a placement test (because I stunk up a.c.t's) cramming a day before, and  scored decent  besides algebra, qualified to take accelerated courses  and have associates degree/transfer  in a year  (decided against this). I had a plan.\n \n Until they forgot to process me, literally.  I talked to counseling Monday she claimed  that \"I'd be able to register Tuesday\". I gave them 2 days. Then I stayed up all last night trying to thinking maybe I didn't do a part correctly but continously  denied  \"system error you don't have student credentials.\" I called and they said they didn't process me, I had to hold and they did it then, pretty much they forgot...  I have to wait a hour before I am supposably able to register, it hasnt passed yet but I have doubts. They tried bumping my start date to 2018 a couple weeks after I applied too. \n\nYes they are a legitimate school,  accredited and all. Shockingly and classes begin Sunday.\n\n   I know this isn't necessarily adhd related but I am irritated and had to vent, granted I am a little last second too. But I work summers and they don't start to do testing until July. I think I am going to jump start a January semester university application to be safe. \n\n\n\nUPDATE : I decided to go to a different campus,  they looked and said that guidance didn't clear it and said I talked to them, to accept to that program. I tried there and reception sucked, low and behold at home I continue to be denied classes.  They are calling today and I and praying I can do it yet, today absolutely last day.", "answer": "If you have a diagnosis of ADHD, ask about specialized services for those with learning disorders. In California, we have community colleges with EOPS (Extended Opportunity Programs) where you receive additional assistance with the admissions process,registration,books etc. Not sure if that is also your state but absolutely ask about that. Community college can be very confusing as the student is expected to initiate the process. \n**Here is a link to EOPS for CA**\nhttp://extranet.cccco.edu/Divisions/StudentServices/EOPSCARE.aspx ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vrkvb", "comment_id": "dm32eu5"}, {"question": "Has any medication helped your emetophobia?", "description": "I have a meeting with my psychiatrist next week to decide if I should start new medication or not. I really don\u2019t think my current medication is helping me with my intrusive thoughts. Does medication work for any of you? I need some hope right now because my emetophobia is debilitating.", "answer": "Medication can be a huge pet of treatment especially when added to therapy. I\u2019d encourage you to look into exposure therapy for emetophobia it could really make a big difference.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "jl7q5u", "comment_id": "gantsor"}, {"question": "Have been having disgusting fantasies about my daughter, need help", "description": "I am a (40M) and my wife is also (39F),we have one kid who is (15F).\n\nI have been feeling this for about 2 years now, it started with dreams about doing unsolicited things to my daughter, these usually wiped from my memory after about two hours after waking up. But recently it's been happening often and the content of these disturbing dreams is getting more and more unon consensual and violent.I feel very guilty because always I seem to know that it's my daughter that I'm dreaming about but I can't seem to stop the fantasy until i wake up.\n\nI am married and my we fulfill each other's needs.i grew up masturbating to films with rape scenes, and I think Its stuck in me now. I feel so guilty because not only am I a rapist, but my daughter is also very small.I haven't been able to look my wife in the eyes and I think she notices I'm being dodgy and very self aware[wrong word, but I am very conscious when my girl is in the room].I am scared if she confronts me,I don't know if she will see me the same way again.\n\nI read on another forum that it's a normal human complex for teenage boys to have sexual feelings for their mother, but could not find anything on fathers to their daughters.if anyone asks,I am NOT a paedophile[hopefully]. But recently,I have started finding my daughter and her friends attractive (or a better way to say it is I have started being \"aware' of how attractive they are. I haven't felt this sort of attraction to 12-19 year old girls in my life and I feel so guilty. And I WILL ASSURE YOU, I am not capable of violence, so do not worry that I won't control my urges. Because I know someone will start threatening to report me to the authorities when I haven't done anything wrong\n\nI can't see my daughter the same way again, I hoped things would go back to normal and id forget about these dreams, but it's been getting worse.and not just in a weird/alien fantasy way, after having repeated dreams of rape,I can't look her in the eyes and I always start unintentionally picturing her naked. It's unbearable after this quarantine where we have to be in the same house at one time for weeks, this never happens because she's got her school and i gob to work and I eat and basically live at work, so I only see her once a day when I return . When we went to the beach last year, my chest felt so heavy because my daughter was in a swimsuit and I felt so \"low\"\n\nComing to the point of the post: how do I test the waters before telling my wife this? She is American brought up, and they have a very strong, no tolerance attitude towards violence, ESPECIALLY involving minors. Should I keep it a secret because some things are better unspoken of? I am so afraid she won't see me the same again, I've never felt such a distance between us. is there a way to tell her the way I feel towards her (daughter) and her friends and generally her age group? I think it's very unlikely, but I feel terrified that she will take measures to keep my own daughter away from me and possibly even move out. In the 18 years we've been together, I have never felt like this.\n\nIs this normal for people my age?I did a lot of research on paedophilia and it says most experienced sexual abuse at a young age, which I have not. For others who have experienced this, does it go back to normal so I don't feel aroused (disgusting, I know) when my girl sits on my lap? Am I or could I be a danger to children(even though I know I wouldn't hurt a fly)?\n\nPlease, please consider my point of view. I know I'm a disgusting person, but please be rational and fair [which doesn't mean say it's okay, but to give a fair advice on how to approach my wife and unfortunately daughter about this]. Thank you for your time\n\nTl:dr: started having sexual dreams about my 15 year old daughter starting from when she hit puberty around 12-13, went from Dreams to fantasizing when awake, feel guilty and try to keep it a secret from family,wife noticed something off about me because I am dodgy, need help to talk[or not to] with my wife and daughter", "answer": "What I am reading is that you are experiencing very distressing intrusive thoughts about doing something that seems detached from your character,  and you have no plan or intent to ever act on this.   Does this seem right?\n\nIf so, I don't think your online search for answers is very helpful , and I'm concerned it is leading you down an unhelpful rabbit hole.\n\nIf you can access this article,  though it explains more clearly the implications of age based attraction:\n\r\nSeto, M. C. (2017). The puzzle of male chronophilias. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(1), 3-22. \n\nIf what I wrote in the first paragraph of this response feels right to you , you are going to want to work with an experienced practitioner with strong,  wise discernment in reporting abuse concerns.  From what you wrote,  no actual abuse has occurred. Unfortunately,  many people do not seek help because they are so worried they will get in legal trouble.  Thoughts aren't illegal , of course.  \n\nEven if you have committed no offense , an experienced sex offense or violence treatment program can probably make a good referral for working on your intrusive violent thoughts. \n\nGood luck,  it is a great sign that you want to get these intrusive thoughts under control asap.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g3my16", "comment_id": "fnsly15"}, {"question": "Elevated Cholesterol Levels, tryglicerides, and liver enzymes", "description": "My stats are at the bottom of the message.\n\nSo during college I didn't exactly live the healthiest of lifestyles. Moderate alcohol consumption, poor diet, and relatively inactive. After graduation I got my first job and decided it was time to get things in order so I hit the gym hard, went low carb diet for 3 months before switching to balanced diet. Fat loss was good and felt healthy.\n\nAbout 6 months after getting in shape I went in for my annual physical and the bloodwork turned back high levels of LDL 180 range and a total cholesterol level of 260. I couldn't wrap my head around it. So I started increasing fiber while trying to decrease saturated fat levels and it went well for a while with the occasional relapse of poor diet, however my exercise was consistent. \n\nA year later I had my test again and LDL was in the 170 range and total was around 240 so very slight improvement.\n\nDuring this time period I have continued to drink on a moderate level 6-10 drinks per week give or take a few and have the occasional bad day of eating but my body fat % has been between 14-18% over the last 2 years.\n\nMy question is, does the alcohol have a big impact on cholesterol and triglycerides in the blood? Maybe my medication could be starting to mess with my body in a negative way? I have been taking it since I was 16. Or is there anything else I can do to naturally lower them? My doctor wants to put me on a statin and I am trying to resist. Obviously the drinking needs to stop and I have cut way back to only 2-3 drinks per week on the weekend.\n\nMy Daily macros are 40%C/ 40%P/ 20%F\n\nAge 29\nSex - M\nHeight - 6'1\nWeight - 195\nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - 1 year\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - Circulatory System\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - GERD\nCurrent medications (if any) - Omeprazole 20mg / twice daily", "answer": "Alcohol will affect lipid levels, amongst other things. You've done well to cut your alcohol intake to your present level, but keep going. What's your diet like?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5zsapa", "comment_id": "df0nsua"}, {"question": "33/F Boyfriend's Mother: Normal or Creepy?", "description": "My bf is 32 and has a cell phone account with his mother as the primary account holder. His mother got him a cell phone when he was younger and since then she and her husband went over to Rogers but my bf stayed on his mother's account with Bell. She has it set up so he wires the payment to her every month from his bank account. She is the only one who is allowed to make changes to the account. His mother has made comments about how often I text him during work hours and reminds him he's close to going over his data for the month. I am personally disgusted by this set up for someone his age. He wants to add me to his plan but we have to get his mother to call in an request he takes over the account so he can make changes. She has yet to do this for months now. I keep bringing it up to my bf that this is weird and that he doesn't want to give up her control. Normal or just plain creepy?", "answer": "creepy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t3vvs", "comment_id": "ddk0hx5"}, {"question": "Could ingesting particles of incense be toxic?", "description": "18\nMale\n1.80m\n70Kg\nMexican\nAllergies to dust, polen and fur\nNot on any current medication\nBack in may I put some incense sticks in my backpack, and took them out the same day. The problem is my harmonica was in the same place. Today, I started playing it, before I realized it still smelled and \"tasted\" like incense. Could this be a problem? ", "answer": "You'll live.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rekqb", "comment_id": "dl4isln"}, {"question": "17M how to deal with ED in a relationship", "description": "So it's been a few weeks since my SO and I have had sex, and it hasn't been by choice, we both really want it, but I haven't been able to stay erect when we go to have sex. We usually fool around for a while before we get into it because foreplay is fun and important, and throughout that I'm erect, but as soon as I go to penetrate her my member retracts, and I'm soft again. \n\nThis has massively affected my confidence, and leaves me feeling really inadequate. It screws up our entire days together as I don't know how to react after, and advice about how should I go about dealing with this situation would be very much appreciated", "answer": "talk to your doc about sildenafil", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6twxc4", "comment_id": "dlo53c9"}, {"question": "CK levels were at 6432 units - can this be normal after a strenuous workout?", "description": "Bit of backstory - I am a 23 year old female who is 92kg, and have been recently getting back into her fitness. After training consistently for about three weeks (4 times a week, 1 hour sessions working on cardio and weight training to lose weight and build strength) I had some blood tests done to check hormone levels etc. My doctor was very concerned when my CK levels came back at 6432 units, and my liver function was elevated to 150. The blood test was performed on the Monday, but two days prior I had trained and overdid it a bit. I couldn't straighten my arms completely for two days because my biceps were so sore and tight. Could this be the reason my CK levels were so elevated? And is 150 an alarming reading for liver function?\n\nI saw my doctor on the Thursday following my blood test and she was shocked by these levels and that I wasn't showing any symptoms of anything more serious (blood in pee, weakness) - by this point my arm soreness was completely gone. I tried explaining that I did a big workout the weekend before my blood test but she told me my CK levels still shouldn't have been that high, and advised me to stop all exercise immediately. I've done this and my CK levels/liver function have returned to normal, but now she doesn't want me doing any weight training because she thinks my muscles are very sensitive, and instead to stick to light walks and low-intensity cardio.\n\nDoes anyone have any advice on where I should go from here? Weight training is the only exercise I can really enjoy, commit to 100% and actually see decent results from, and I'm feeling really depressed over the idea of having to give it up.", "answer": "I would be very careful with the advice from u/KingNebby on this one. Rhabdomyolysis, which is what you had if your CK was in the 6000's, is serious. It's usually treated with IV fluids, and lots of them\u2014more than you could reasonably drink. The risk of not flooding your kidneys with fluid is permanent damage and potentially kidney failure.\n\nWhatever the cause, it's something that you very much want to avoid. Which means you need an explanation for why your exercise caused severe muscle injury, and until you have that you should be very cautious about causing the same problem again with exercise. It's not permanent, hopefully, but going without exercise temporarily versus going on dialysis should be a straightforward decision.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9v6nm2", "comment_id": "e99umks"}, {"question": "Being social is overrated", "description": "I love my coworkers at my new job and I have some friends through school. I'm outgoing, but at the end of the day, I want to be alone. I like to be alone. \n\nI have one close friend. I rarely see her. I don't talk to my family. I don't go out often. I am also tired from school and work.\n\nIt's draining going out and socializing, both mentally and financially. (Hey, more money for solo travel.)\n\nI used to want more friends, but now, I think I'm content just being a loner.", "answer": "Some people are social butterflies, and some are content spending a lot of time alone. I'm in the latter category, but as I've \"matured\", I've changed. I don't necessarily seek out social encounters, but I don't avoid them. I'm far more outgoing than I used to be. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fexyt", "comment_id": "ctodesh"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "It's fine. Vaccines don't go straight into your bloodstream, and some drawn blood isn't going to have any effect. Even what does end up in your blood is more likely to be in the venous system and drain upwards, back towards your heart, than down towards your hand.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1m1c", "comment_id": "e4s1xmo"}, {"question": "No motivation to do anything, taking a toll on my relationship", "description": "I'm 25. I've dealt with depression and ADHD since my teens, although the adhd didn't get diagnosed until college. I've tried different medications on and off since 16, most I didn't like and didn't take anything at all from 17-22 until my moods started feeling dangerously low. Was on lamictal for about a year until summer 2016 when I switched to Welbutrin, which I have recently stopped taking, and added lexapro for winter 17-18, then switched to ritalin last summer. In May I hit a really bad low and stopped taking both welbutrin and ritalin. I gave it a month but noticed a lot of adhd issues returning that I didn't like- my handwriting became illegible again, I was really irritable and confused and getting very annoyed at small things like chewing/breathing sounds, and decided ritalin was the lighter drug of the two and started taking it again, very low dose- 5mg once or twice a day. I really don't want to go back on welbutrin, I would prefer not to take meds at all.\n\n​\n\nPart of why I stopped taking meds was I still felt depressed, so there seemed to be no point, and after a week or two I actually felt better. I moved to a more rural area with my boyfriend in the spring and the calmer, sunnier environment has definitely helped me but the last two weeks I feel completely demotivated. When I'm not working and I'm by myself I just don't want to do anything. We'll go do stuff outside together, which is fun and rejuvenating for a day or two but if I'm home by myself while he's at work (I work nights right now) and have things to get done around the house or work to do from home I just can't find the energy to start doing anything until the afternoon rolls around, which means I don't get a whole lot done before I have to leave for work. Sometimes he'll call me during lunch and want to talk on the phone and I have nothing to talk about because I've done nothing and he gets annoyed because I just want to get off the phone. Today he told me to go outside, and there is some gardening and stuff I could do but I just don't want to. I don't want to eat or get dressed or go food shopping. I also can't manage to force myself out of bed before 9am no matter how many alarms I set starting at like 6am, and he really doesn't like how late I sleep (I don't either) because it means getting the ball rolling even later, at least if I got up at like 7 and it took me a few hours to muster up the willpower to be productive I could still get started at like, 10 instead of noon.\n\n​\n\nAt least when I was a teenager or in college I wanted to do creative stuff that I liked, I had friends I talked to regularly, I went out and did things. Even when the depression was really bad I still enjoyed watching movies or going into research rabbit holes for whatever thing I was writing or interested in. Now I just want to sleep or bullshit online endlessly- I keep deleting facebook because it's such a bad addiction and then I end up on youtube or just looking at news articles instead, I don't WANT to be sitting online but if I put the phone down then I'm literally just sitting staring into space wondering why I just can't start doing ANYTHING productive. I don't even watch tv anymore. \n\n​\n\nI feel myself slipping back into a really dark place even though I'm doing ok financially, I'm working and keeping up the house, it's like I'm doing the absolute bare minimum and I'm exhausted and don't WANT to thrive. I don't know what to do anymore and if one more therapist gives me bullshit advice like 'implement a rewards system to motivate yourself' when there is nothing I want except to not feel like this I'm going to scream.", "answer": "I don\u2019t know I cure for this because I\u2019m in the same boat, but I wanted you to know that you\u2019re not alone in your struggle. Amotivation and anhedonia are two of my biggest villains right now", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chqj2n", "comment_id": "eux0lws"}, {"question": "Am I schizophrenic, is it weed or is it trauma? Please help!", "description": "I'm sorry if this is really long, I don't want it to be convoluted but I just need some advice on where I am right now. \n\n\nI'm twenty years old; I experienced some trauma growing up, I won't go in to too much detail but there was domestic violence in the home, one particularly intense event that meant we had to pick & leave the house overnight, and subsequent family & financial issues that had a big effect.\n\nI hear voices inside my head sometimes - they speak gibberish and say things that do and don't have anything to do with whats going on. Sometimes they're voices I recognise from life but there aren't any characters or anything. They don't tell me to hurt myself or others. It's strange, like my brain is tuning in to different people's conversations, almost. (in my mind, it's not auditory)\n\nOccasionally, I think I see things that aren't there - but it's never full blown hallucinations. It's like I think I see something, but when I double take I realise what is really there. I also have hypnogogic experiences (not very often though) in the night and when I'm waking up. There are a lot of intrusive thoughts and images too.\n\nI'm full of so much doubt that I really can't tell what these symptoms and problems really are. I don't know if I'm just getting anxiety over things that aren't really a big deal. \n\nIt was a big deal for me to realise how \"not right\" my life might've been, and a few trips to doctor's just invalidated things I was feeling. They didn't take me seriously. Although I also really struggle to be honest and confident in talking to people, so maybe I didn't really explain to them properly. \n\nI only really started to process and notice these things a year or two ago but I've been experiencing it since my early teens, although they have slowly gotten more noticeable.  (I also struggle with a lot of other aspects of depression, anxiety etc. just for context.)\n\n\nIs this schizophrenia? I'd be so grateful if anyone could shed some light on what I am experiencing. I really haven't found a lot about this kind of thing from the internet research I've done. I smoke weed medically and recreationally, and I know experiences were happening before I started. Is this just an impact of the cannabis? I know sharing this will change answers, but I genuinely use it in a medical way to deal with my other mental health issues and it's the most effective thing. Especially when Doctor's didn't offer me much help. \n\n\nI'd be so so grateful for any advice or comment though, I've felt pretty lost in this since I struggle to talk to anyone about it. I just want to know if I'm going to end up in a psychotic episode, and risk hurting myself or others.\n\n\n\nTL;DR - 20 year old trauma survivor hears voices, sees things sometimes, smokes weed. Should she worry?", "answer": "Hard to say without knowing you better, but my money is against schizophrenia and more towards your trauma history. Might be worthwhile seeing a psychologist? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76j5qd", "comment_id": "doefmvl"}, {"question": "Dating a guy with the same name as my rapist? Ok or bad?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I think you're the only one that can possibly know the answer to this or decide what to do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gz6ija", "comment_id": "fteqmu9"}, {"question": "You can have alcohol or everything else", "description": "I read this quote some time ago and I love it.\n\nWanted to share it with you all.", "answer": "Love it. I heard that once and really identified with it....I can trade one thing (alcohol) for everything or trade everything for one thing (alcohol). I have down the latter too many times. Shows how nuts the alcoholic mind is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bxf2bg", "comment_id": "eq6zldi"}, {"question": "Tip: How to reduce Picking", "description": "##Put a bandaid, piece of tape or other constant stimulation around the area of picking. \nTo prevent picking at a wound, scab, nails, nose, itches etc.\n \nThe goal is not to cover it up to prevent picking, but **to provide a constant and steady surrounding stimulation**. Signals that trigger picking will still happen, but will be less salient (= noticeable) to your system so you won't automatically & subconsciously start picking.\n\nFor example a bandaid *on the bridge* of the nose to prevent nose-picking *inside* of the nose.\n\nThis is totally not novel, we do it all the time, mostly auditory in the form of (background) music; we add noise to mask distracting noises. Day-care nurses and moms use this \"technique\" with babies all the time for pretty much everything.\n\n**Tl;Dr: Distract your body by gently and constantly stimulating the surrounding area of the pickening.**", "answer": "Picking is an ADHD thing???? I live in Australia and so I often get bitten by mosquitos which itch and then rapidly turn into scabs that I pick for months and scar. I never knew it was my ADHD. I always knew it wasn't neurotypical cause my husband is forever at me about it and i hate how it looks but I can't not do it no matter how hard I try. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajz5th", "comment_id": "ef1y16t"}, {"question": "I'm venezuelan and i feel like i've never lived my life.", "description": "I am a 20 years old guy from Venezuela and I feel like my life is being wasted.\n\nOkay here it goes. I was born in a middle-class family in a town somewhere in the Venezuelan Andes. When I was born my father retired for some reason I never understood, my mother never had a job, even after that I had the chance to attend a private school. Time passed, when I was a child, I was basically forced to hear about politics a lot, even though at that age I never really understood anything about it (I\u2019m talking when I was 6 or 8). When I was a child, the economic situation wasn\u2019t as hard as it is now. I was a happy kid who never worried about nothing, only about getting good grades at school to make my parents proud, not because I really wanted it. I grew up as a guy with a really low self-esteem, I hated everything about my body and my personality.\n\nNow I\u2019m a 20 years old who feels like I\u2019ve never really lived my life, I\u2019m currently living rented in a room in another city, I study and I have a job that doesn\u2019t pay much. Why do I talk so much about the economic situation? Well, to no one is a secret that the government in Venezuela is not and was not the best, with all this \u201csocialism of the XXI century\u201d stuff and that Chavez adoration. I am a person who\u2019s never been on vacations to a nice place, the last time I was in a real \u201cvacation\u201d was probably when I was 12, since then all I\u2019ve done is study and live my sad and monotonous life.\n\nVenezuela is one of the most dangerous countries in the world, and I can confirm it. I\u2019ve been stabbed twice and shot once, mostly by thieves who tried to steal my stuff (like my cellphone or my wallet), and I have to live that everyday of my life, I can\u2019t stand the fact that I have to be scared if I leave my classes at 6pm because I know it\u2019ll be dark and it\u2019ll be dangerous for me so I\u2019ll have to put my phone inside my boxers just in case things get ugly because sadly I don\u2019t have the money to buy another one.\n\nOnly to buy a laptop I had to save money for over two years and a half, I don\u2019t want this for me. I feel like I\u2019m being consumed here with no possibilities of getting out. Everytime I check the tv or the news and I see anything government related I just get sick because I know it\u2019ll be something bad for the people who really wants to get out of here.\n\nEverytime I talk to my father, all he talks about is how hard is now to get a roll of toilet paper or milk, that he has to make huge queues to buy a pack of flour and sometimes he gets so happy when he gets the chance to buy 2 liters of milk, I mean...how low can our standards get that we get happy for stuff that used to be easy to get before?\n\nEverytime I talk to my mother, she starts crying because she says I don\u2019t deserve to live what I live, that I deserve to live in a better place where I don\u2019t have to risk my life everytime I\u2019m outside, yesterday I was in my faculty and some hooded men called \u201cTupamaros\u201d (Government supporters) started throwing tear gas bombs everywhere to close the faculty because they want vacations already (some of them are actually students). Of course I didn\u2019t tell this to my mom or she\u2019d freak out.\n\nI forgot to mention that I\u2019m an engineering student, I\u2019m studying hard to become an engineer as soon as possible so I can get out of here because I literally cannot stand this anymore, every night I start crying until I fall asleep, I don\u2019t know how I haven\u2019t lost my motivation for study yet.\n\nWith my studies and my job, I\u2019m a really busy person, so\u2026I actually have now what you would call a long distance relationship, yes, with a girl I\u2019ve never seen in my life. She\u2019s from a country in Europe that I won\u2019t name. She says she\u2019s deeply in love with me, and somehow I feel like I am too. I don\u2019t have the time to have a real girlfriend, and to be honest\u2026why did I choose to have a relationship with a girl like this? Not gonna lie, she\u2019s a very cute girl and I\u2019m fascinated by her, but at the same time, somehow\u2026she represents the future I want for myself, I want to live in a country where I can be outside after 6pm and not be scared, I want to live in a country where I can find the food of all the brands I want, I want to live in a country with a stable job and a decent purchasing power where I don\u2019t have to save money for years to buy a miserable laptop or where the thought of buying clothes is something unthinkable, I want to live in a country where I\u2019m not limited to have $400 per year for a fucking exchange control. But more than that, I want experiences, I want to travel, I want to live life\u2026but sadly, that\u2019s something impossible at the moment.\n\nI know my English is awful and I\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language.\n", "answer": ">I know my English is awful and I\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language.  \n  \nbwahahahaaaaa your english is fucking perfect man.  You will get in anywhere easily :)  \n  \nfinish your engineering degree and come on over.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1s77uu", "comment_id": "cduvah0"}, {"question": "Just walked to the store", "description": "Usually that would mean I'm already half way to the bottom of a bottle of wine . Tonight it means I'm half way to the bottom of a bag of cookies. \n\nTonight everyone in my household went to bed early which is my ideal time to binge.  I wanted to but I made a few calls, took the dog out, and did some cooking instead.\n\nIt worked but i still wanted something bad for me. I'm on day 13 and have been slamming junk food almost daily. Just a temporary stand in for the alcohol.  I see other people here saying how the pounds flew off when they quit. Somehow I don't think that will happen for me!", "answer": "Don't worry about the cookies. In time it will pass, just keep focused on why you're working so hard for this. Good damn job buddy. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3t9b4j", "comment_id": "cx48pah"}, {"question": "How do I date", "description": "...I hope I don't sound like an idiot\n\nI am a twenty-something female Aspie and I have come to realize that I have  utterly no idea how to go about dating (not hooking up.  Dating, like go out together for a movie dating).  I don't know how to meet people and actually get a date and I am nervous to try because I fear I'll look stupid or worse like I'm desperate or creeping on somebody.  \n\nI wish  there was a class I could take that taught me this stuff.  How do I do this right?  \n\n\n(Ugh this probably does sound desperate.)\n", "answer": "I actually used craigslist and was pretty successful.  Just write a heartfelt post about what you are looking for and post it in the Women seeking men, or strictly platonic section.  I would recommended chatting online, exchanging photos, and video chatting for a month or two before actually meeting in person (it sounds like a long time, but it really isn't if you are looking for quality).  Take your time and bail out at the first sign of uneasiness.  Of course, make sure the first time you meet is in a very public place.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "w3ngu", "comment_id": "c5a0dzt"}, {"question": "Can I ask a girl to prom without knowing her well?", "description": "Basically the title, is it weird if I just approach her and ask? Should I ask her on another date first? Prom\u2019s coming up soon and Im quite nervous to find a date.", "answer": "Without knowing her well?  Certainly.  Without knowing her at all?  I wouldn't.  \n\n\nYou're not asking her to be your one and only till death do you part.  You need a date for the prom.  She may need a date for the prom.  \n\n\nSo long as you've actually talked to her on a few occasions, nothing wrong with asking her.  \"Hey, do you have a date to prom yet?  Would you want to go with me?\"  \n\n\nIf she says no, ask somebody else.  If you're not currently dating anyone, consider asking a friend.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bbmff9", "comment_id": "ekjv75r"}, {"question": "Therapist wants me to join a group...", "description": "My therapist wants my to take part in a 10day intense therapy group since my anxiety is not getting any better but just the thought of being in a room with different people brings my s.a out bad..im at a crossroads cause im sure it would help but I cant get of the stranger aspect of it. Not sure what to do. .", "answer": "Psychologist here, and a behavioral one at that.  If your anxiety is not getting better in the context of your present therapy, and if your specific goal for therapy is to get over your anxiety, then something is wrong, and shaking things up is likely a good thing.  \n\nThat said, the cure for anxiety is exposure, but exposure in the context of trust.  getting all overwhelmed is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it may cause you to have a setback too.  If you find the prospect of an intensive group too overwhelming to contemplate, then don't do it.  If you feel it will be tough but you can manage it, and/or escape if the pressure is too much, then give it a whirl.  \n\nIf you opt to not do the group, you might consider also switching to a different therapist.  If you do that, look for someone who can offer you behavioral treatment for your anxiety.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a good thing to look for, although there are other types of therapy which can be helpful (ACT, for instance).  The key is that you should be actually working up to behavioral experiments out in the field, testing your anxious feelings and thoughts (assuming you have a social anxiety, you should be out testing your assumptions about actual interpersonal relationships).  If all you are doing is talking about your fears, and that is not working for you then you're working with the wrong therapist.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "23tjoi", "comment_id": "ch0gssk"}, {"question": "How relevant is the experience of a counselor/therapist for Career counseling?", "description": "Hey guys, hopefully one of you could guide me on this. I posted in r/mentalhealth and r/mentalillness but nobody answer. I tried to make this one a bit shorter (extended version is at r/mentalhealth).\n\nRecently I've been exploring the decision of getting some help in the form of a therapist/counselor/clinical social work (unsure if there is any difference between them).\n\nIn what do I think I might need the help?\n-Personal Stuff. \n-Isolation. \n-Career Guidance. \n\nTherefore, my two questions. First, how relevant is the age of the therapist/counselor for career Guidance?\n\nAnd second, One therapist/counselor is enough for so many things? or I'll be better looking for more than one?", "answer": "I do not think that the age of the therapist matters much, but I DO think that the experience of the therapist specifically in relation to career counseling matters a lot. I would want someone who has taken specific career counseling coursework (which is not something all therapists are automatically getting) and who does career counseling as one of the specific things they specialize in, meaning that they have current knowledge of the workforce because they have to stay up-to-date in that to serve their client base. \n\nI would find someone who says explicitly that they do career counseling (or vocational counseling) and then I would ask what their training is in career counseling and what percentage of their current work is related to careers or vocational work. \n\nNote that, because there is SO many potential careers out there, it's not a red flag if a career counselor needs to look up info about your specific field; they cannot possibly have up-to-date knowledge about every existing career. What they DO need is up-to-date knowledge about career theories and interventions, the modern workplace, and how to effectively assess and work with folks seeking career-related help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fbe6gd", "comment_id": "fj4a6rf"}, {"question": "How can I ensure myself that I don't have Aspergers?", "description": "I'm having trouble determining whether I have aspergers or am just socially awkward. I mean, I passed some tests online to prove I don't, but I'm still have concerns.\n\nEdit: Here's what I'm thinking:  I'm not that socially experienced.  Like, when I'm in a conversation, I don't know what to talk about next or know how to keep a conversation going.  I mean, there are things I DO want to talk about, I just don't want it to feel outta place.  There's that, and also how I'm afraid of looking awkward when I do present my opinions and ideas in a conversation.  For instance, I wonder if I'd jumble up my thoughts when I'm talking.  Also, even when I'm relaxed and comfortable just listening, I still can't come up with things to say and overall feel serious and introverted.  I sometimes wonder if there is a huge fundamental difference between me and the average socially awkward person.  Now, am I being a hypochondriac here or does anyone else feel this way?", "answer": "See a psychologist who specializes in Asperger's/high-functioning autism. There's really no other way.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "17s9k8", "comment_id": "c88ff8e"}, {"question": "Why does DBT necessitate group therapy and phone coaching alongside individual therapy?", "description": "I'm interested in DBT, but I'm turned off by the fact it requires group therapy, phone coaching and a  therapist consultation team ([source](http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm)). What's the logic behind this structure?\n\nI can see how the intensity of it could be useful if you have severe BPD, but personally I have no desire to contact my therapist between sessions, have a team of people discuss my progress, and lose my anonymity and possibly be negatively influenced by people with more severe cases through group sessions. \n\nIt seems ridiculous that as someone who's pretty high-functioning, I can either not do DBT or be locked into an expensive juggernaut of a therapy simply to learn basic skills. For milder cases, why can't it be conducted as CBT is - individual, anonymous therapy sessions?\n\n", "answer": "Phone coaching is used more for those extreme moments when you need a boost. They are regulated but not scheduled. Well, they're not usually scheduled but I'm sure some clinicians schedule them for whatever reason. The consulting is for the therapist because sessions and clients can be draining and difficult. It's more about them and less about you. ((there are laws in place preventing  clinicians from disclosing your identity. Most operate from a need to know basis when it comes to consulting. No one should be able to know who you are based on the clinician's description.)) \n\nYou could probably ask a DBT therapist to deliver the skills group education to you individually. You're not supposed to combine skills with therapy, which is why the sessions are separated. The treatment is flexible enough to complete with a therapist individually if you wish. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "376zcy", "comment_id": "crk951g"}, {"question": "Making, and more importantly, holding conversation.", "description": "I'm not entirely sure how good at this I am. I mean, when I'm having a deep, meaningful conversation with someone I could carry on for awhile. Sometimes I can go on a rant and that... Okay, that might not be any better, but at least I'm talking.\n\nBut I have two problems: Starting conversation (I can NEVER segue a \"what's up\" or \"how are you\" exchange into a conversation), and flowing to new topics. I'm usually heavily reliant on my conversation partner to do it for me, and when I do try, it sounds forced to me.\n\nI am absolutely HORRIBLE at small talk. It doesn't help that I loathe it greatly (my councilor once told me this is fine though, that preferring deeper/more meaningful conversation was normal). Part of it is because I'm afraid to be mundane/clich\u00e9d/**boring**/redundant, but mostly I'm just lost on what to say. \n\n**Lost on what to say...** Okay, that might be the root cause of 99% of my social problems... Well, aside from my social phobia. But they kinda walk hand in hand. Which is probably the biggest reason for not talking to anyone beyond those I'm comfortable with (and even with them, I always find myself racking my brain for conversation topics and trying to force it.)\n\nI'm also uncomfortable ending the conversation. I just kinda awkwardly slip away. And ALL silence is awkward for me.", "answer": "I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). Enjoy :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1xfn2b", "comment_id": "cfbkkl0"}, {"question": "Should let him go?", "description": "My bf and I am have been dating for few years now. We had a rough start but we were madly in love with each other. I found out he had been talking to girls online in the first year of our relation which made a huge dent in our relation. I forgave him but it made me into a suspicious maniac. He always gave excuses like I wasn't ready to be so serious and blaming it on his ex relationship. He has evolved in the years and we have come close to marriage now. Our families are just waiting for the announcement anytime. I recently found out that he had been sexting some random chic again like 6 months ago while he was out of state to work. He had been in the same workplace as this woman. It was a brief thing during that time, that he says was just sexting but I don't want to believe it. I know he isn't seeing anyone now or sexting. We have an amazing sex life but he blames these things (when caught) on either some fight we were having or My suspicious behavior. But whenever I have suspected and tried to figure stuff out I have found something. I am torn. I love him a lot and so does he but when something of such nature comes into light he seems like a total different person, a nasty stranger. These women he flirts with are always less attractive and I feel like he has a type. It disgusts me but I can't put my family and my feelings aside to think straight. And he emphasizes on privacy so much. I don't understand it. I see other couples and see them as one but he just wants his privacy so much which makes me more suspicious.  Please advice.", "answer": "He blames you for him not being able to keep his own word. High risk of ongoing bullshit here, marriage or not. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694ojm", "comment_id": "dh3qb2a"}, {"question": "Hello! Skin care question :)", "description": "Hello all, I have just discovered this sub and reading through a few posts is making me so reassured , and yet dressed. It's so good to hear about other people's experiences, and for me to realise that I'm not unique. It's also terrifying in the scope. \n\nMy question is; since going off BC my skin is awful. I was only ever on the pill for my skin in the first place. \n\nI get spots on my chin and jawbone, and my shoulders and back. \n\nWhat recommendations do y'all have to help a 30 year old woman out who is feeling embarrassed \ud83d\ude29. ", "answer": "I use Acne Free, the three step one. I have to use it every morning and every night or things start getting out of whack. It's like $20 and widely available. \n\nI've tried tons of other things, proactive, stridex pads, the prescription acne topical meds, etc. This one works best for me. \n\nRemember that moisturizers are not the enemy. Part of getting extra oily is reactive to stripping all the oil from the skin. It feels dry from an intense cleanser and goes, \"oh no, we're too dry, make oil to fix the issue!\" Finding the right moisturizer for your skin is super important. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "67a7ku", "comment_id": "dgqfl4c"}, {"question": "General question: how many tests can a lab run on one biopsy?", "description": "My wife has an undiagnosed skin condition and has seen many different doctors. However, one dermatologist has taken 8 biopsies from her. He only orders one test at a time for each biopsy. Is it possible for multiple tests to be ran off one biopsy? My poor wife has loads of scars from the biopsies and it seems unnecessary to me.\n\nAge: 24\nSex: female\nHeight: 5\u20196\u201d\nWeight: 170\nRace: white/Asian\nDuration of complaint: 5+ years\nLocation: Colorado. All over entire body\nAny existing relevant medical issues: loads", "answer": "Each test requires a certain amount of tissue (or blood, or whatever is being tested). Whether these biopsies are excessive or not isn't something we can know without information about the size of the biopsies and which tests have been run.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c7mz0v", "comment_id": "esgbvq7"}, {"question": "No morning wood for months.", "description": "I am 15 male I weigh 69kg. I use nicotine and benzodiazepines for anxiety when im stressed. So I noticed that since spring I wasn't having morning wood. My erections were fine when I was in the mood, but I still wouldn't get morning wood. I went to my doctor told her about it and they took a blood test. Apperantly I am low on carbs, fat and sugar. I started having a better diet, I put more carbs, fats and fruits in to my diet. Its been a month and I still don't have morning wood. Should I be worried?", "answer": "As long as you aren\u2019t having any problems with erections while awake, don\u2019t worry about morning wood. \u201cNocturnal penile tumescence,\u201d as it\u2019s technically known, occurs during sleep. If it lasts into waking you\u2019d notice it, but it\u2019s normal to sleep through it and not know it happened.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j4uss8", "comment_id": "g7n53yx"}, {"question": "Tattoos and BPD", "description": "I've read that tattoos are common in people with BPD. I've always wanted one (or multiple) but I don't have any, and I have a reason: I want a tattoo that feels like me. But \"me\" is just an empty blob of nothingness. Surface personality traits and likes/hobbies are all either ever-changing or flat out fake, and beneath that there's just... nothing. Even the few ideas I have for tattoos I'm reluctant to get because I'm worried that I'll do a complete 180 and then I'll regret it, since it's no longer something that I care about or like. \n\nDoes anyone else feel that way? If you do have tattoos, how did you pick them? If you don't, why not?", "answer": "I have 3,one is a song lyric that to me represents both the passion and the emptiness of bpd. Damien rice 'no love no glory' \n\nI have an olive branch on my back that represents pacifism, because I need that to drive through my reactivity at all costs. \n\nAnd I have a large tattoo of an anime princess mononoke because I fucking love that movie and it means so much to me about balance and nature ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6jtw4j", "comment_id": "djgz1c8"}, {"question": "Thank You for Telling me to go to AA (54 days!)", "description": "Thank you infinitely to the people here who told me to go to AA.  I was scared to go because of my social anxiety.  I was also afraid they would just tell me I need Christianity.  I am so thankful I listened to you and went.  The people there have been nothing but accepting of my queer drunk ass.  Since I started going 54 days ago I have finally been able to stay sober and learn about why I feel the need to drink in the first place.\n\nMy fear of social situations is big part of my drinking.  Attending these meetings has taught me that isolation is my enemy and will drive me to drink.  I could not have kept myself from drinking this long by myself.  And I know I will not be able to keep sober alone.\n\nThank you for being here when I needed you.  Thank you for helping me.  I will not drink with you today.", "answer": "I went to my first AA meeting on October 27, 1978 and met a guy who said, \u201clook you are an expert at getting drunk and high, we are experts at staying sober and there are all different kinds of people here. If you want to stop drinking you\u2019re in the right place. We stay sober by helping each other stay sober.\u201d He gave me his phone number and said \u201ccall me if you feel like drinking and I\u2019ll try to talk you out of it.\u201d I went home and my girlfriend, who told me to go to AA still did not want me to sleep with her. I felt terrible because I had not gone to sleep sober for years. After tossing and turning I called that guy at 1:30 in the morning and told him I was thinking of going to the bar down the street so I could get some sleep. He kept me on the phone until 2am and said look the bars are closed let\u2019s meet at the meeting tomorrow. I fell a sleep and the next day I went to he meeting and I\u2019ve been sober ever since. I still go to meetings a few times a week and I\u2019m still able to think that the people there are special and are doing something wonderful.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "96lqv8", "comment_id": "e421tb5"}, {"question": "I am so depressed it physically hurts", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I just finished a book by the research psychologist Roy Baumiester, titled \u201cthe power of bad\u201d.  In it he recommends using over the counter pain reliever for emotional pain. I found that a combination of ibuprofen and Tylenol really helps. I take two Tylenol with 600mg of Advil and it diminishes the pain of my girlfriend breaking up with me and my son\u2019s serious mental illness. I also am reaching out to loved ones for their support. By speaking of my pain, I disidentify with it. It\u2019s more like a broken leg, something I have rather than who I am.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "k2z9aq", "comment_id": "ge08cq9"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "You are not a uniform sponge where medications go to all parts of you equally. This is a question of pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics, and I don't know the details of those for Tylenol. What I do know is that Tylenol has a very small difference between a safe dose and an overdose, and 1000 mg is enough that it would have an effect if it were going to do so. I would strongly recommend against increasing the dose further.\n\nIf you need better relief you could combine ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Headaches can be tough, though. If it's a one-time problem you might just do best toughing it out. If these are recurrent, you may want a doctor with more headache expertise to help manage. There are specific headache medications that can be more effective.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8trkzc", "comment_id": "e19oga0"}, {"question": "Why should I have to be challenged, or \"meet challenges head-on\"? Why can't I avoid them and go about my life?", "description": "This is coming right off the back of a meeting I just had with some social services type people about getting me into the workforce, so I'm still pretty chaffed about it.\n\nThe phrase \"meeting challenges head-on\" was used, in the context of me getting the support or framework necessary in order for me to do so.\n\nI just got kind of pissed and started thinking about why we're expected to do things that are hard.  I HATE doing things that challenge me, and that don't flow relatively easily.  In most cases, I'll still do them, but I don't get any feeling of satisfaction afterwards where I can big myself up and say well done.  I'm just glad it's fucking over and never want to do it again.  And kind of wish I hadn't in the first place.\n\nI understand self-improvement and development, etc., but it seems like it isn't acceptable to say no, I like my mediocrity just fine, thankyouverymuch.  Always striving for higher and further in the past has left me with a shit tonne of issues now, so I have zero desire to go down the path of challenges and rewards again.\n\nI'd much rather just stay with the status quo and coast along, without rocking the boat. Is it so wrong to want an easy life, when things are so hard to begin with?\n\n[TL;DR](http://imgur.com/3W6D1F8)", "answer": "If you aren't growing your stagnating or dying. And both are bad", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6e0qu1", "comment_id": "di6ug8p"}, {"question": "Should I be concerned", "description": "Serious question.\nI\u2019m 17 M currently starting my last year of highschool. I have reacurring dreams of committing mass murder and fantasise about torture. Over my time at school I\u2019ve been called cold hearted and heartless, my friends say I don\u2019t have emotions, when isis became relevant videos of their executions would be passed around while others looked away I laughed this also true with other violent scenes in movies I.e. church scene kings man which I find funny while others don\u2019t. People at my school are scared of me. \nI\u2019m just writing down what I can think of but should I be concerned?", "answer": "I think seeing a mental health provider would be good and could help your sort this out. You could speak confidentially about what is happening to you AS LONG AS your dreams are dreams and you aren\u2019t planning to kill anybody. However before disclosing this information talk to the provider about how they see their mandated reporting and tarasoff duties. Because while most good clinicians recognize thoughts and dreams are just that- inexperienced providers might freak and report you. However it seems like you\u2019re concerned enough that you\u2019re curious and open to feedback from others which I think speaks to the fact that you do have feeling in there. There\u2019s a good reason you are the way you are and it might be worth it to see what those reasons are. Take care!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7p70zs", "comment_id": "dseysyv"}, {"question": "Friend has recently become obsessed with poetry", "description": "I'm worried about my friend's mental health. He's 44, major ADHD, substance abuse but generally a happy person and never seemed to worry and had a general attitude that life will work itself out. He had a small traumatic event that he seems to be dwelling on a lot. His brother in law grabbed his sister's wrist in front of him and his nieces and nephew and he called the police, keeps cussing his mom out (their mom is a social worker who is one who removes kids from abusive homes) for not removing the kids from that household.\n\nHe seems to be leaving reality a bit. He knighted me and one of his dealer/friends with the grip end of a golf club. He literally had a web designer design and go live with website for his new \"motorcycle club\" where people pay admission to join. He has dreamed up auxiliaries at his club, much like a church may have. He feels his club will be for the good of the world and look out for people who are victims. The main symptom seems to be his obsession with poetry. It kind of reminds me of watching an episode of the children's show, Mr. Rogers' World with the rhyming and kingdom references. This guy obviously has studied some poetry in his life because he would recite some from memory while people were festively drinking and it would be funny but now he seems lost trying to create a half of line of poetry over the course of an hour or two during business hours.\n\nIs a sudden obsession with poetry a sign of schizophrenia or some other type of mental illness?", "answer": "What drugs does he typically use, and what's he used recently?\n\nIm interested in your comment about \"44, major ADHD\" - can you elaborate?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "683lu0", "comment_id": "dgvkkn4"}, {"question": "I think I have an elimination disorder that was never treated. Is this possible?", "description": "I have been doing a lot of research on this topic, and I cannot seem to find anything relevant, but I think I have an elimination disorder that was never treated. Is this even possible?\n\n  \nI have had these issues since I was about 10 years old, but it was relatively infrequent (enough to cause stress for me, but I hid it often from my family who was always working).  I have always had urgency issues and I the only thing that makes me think that there is an elimination disorder is because I would also get very upset and void in my closet also, which wasn't an accident unlike the other instances.  These issues progressively worsened into high school (urgency/not making it and also dealing with anger/negative emotions that way occasionally) and have become out of control as an adult (obviously just urgency/not making it now).  I have been to a doctor, and I also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (I have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence).  I have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.\n\n  \nI have been to a doctor, who gave me a diagnosis suggested medication (I waited until I was over 18 due to confidentiality) and I also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (I have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence).  I have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.  I would like to treat this to feel better, but as I am not sure what the cause is, thus I am not sure if I should address this medically or in therapy.\n\n​\n\nThanks for the feedback, like I said, I haven't been able to find literature on this in adulthood, so I figured I would give it a shot here.", "answer": "Hi \n\nI definitely suggest going back to your physician to develop a plan. A combination of physical and  psychological issues could be the cause . Because there is a physical component , it is important to start there.\n\nIf a patient came to me to deal with the psychological aspect,  I would insist on coordinating with a physician,  or at least reviewing records, to fully understand the extend of the medical condition.  \n\nAnother reason to discuss this with your physician is because your doctor may be able to recommend an experienced therapist in this area.\n\nGood luck .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvnimz", "comment_id": "fmmudha"}, {"question": "Please help. Doctors are of no help, telling me that my pain isn't ever and to wait out. How do I proceed?", "description": "I'm 18, male, 5ft8, 65kg, British and I've been having this issue for about 2 months now. I take methylphenidate 20mg XR for ADHD and was taking amiltriptyline (25mg) for about 3 weeks around the time this started, this was for neuralgia but I stopped taking this as I thought it could be causing or worsening this pain.\n\n\nI've been to see 3 different GPs and they all seem to think I'm fine. The first GP told me to wait this out, take some OTC painkillers if it gets worse. The second was kind-of helpful and prescribed an antibiotic, this seemed to improve the pain but it never really got better. The course of antibiotics was amoxicillin for 5 days. The third GP got annoyed at me for saying I could not wait a week or two for an appointment for this issue as he thought it wasn't serious (I cannot go to NHS walk-in due to work and there were no appointments available for at least a week so I got angry on the phone). I was told another course of antibiotics wouldn't do anything if the 5 day course didn't resolve my pain. He ended up prescribing otovent and a beclometasone nasal spray but told me the best I can do is wait this pain out as it isn't chronic sinusitis and it isn't suggestive of anything else... I'd be fine with this but the problem is it isn't getting better! \n\n\nThe pain seems like pain around my left sinuses, left ear and generally the left side of head/upper face. It hurts to move my left eye in the mornings and at some points during the day (like I'm pulling on a ligament/muscle that's tight in the eye). The eye strain is the only problem that is at its worst when I wake up. There is no pain in my right eye or that side of the face. The pain seems to shift locations, sometimes I'll feel like there is pain in my inner ear and around it, and other times the pain will be on my left temple or around my eye. There is no tenderness. I am not suffering from any symptoms like vision loss or dizziness. I haven't had any personality changes other than anger when the pain is particularly bad. There's no nausea or noticeable neck tension. My only symptom is pain. I was speaking to a friend who's studying medicine and he said any pain in the head is a headache so technically I have a \"headache\" but it is not like a migraine or pain all around my head, it's just an ache on the left front side of my head around my temple. Paracetamol doesn't really help much, nor do topical nasal decongestants or otovent. I'm not sure if the steroid spray helps, the pain is definitely still here but it doesn't seem as bad if I use it. If anyone here has any idea what this could be or how I can get a doctor to take me seriously I'd **really** appreciate a response. I'm so lost and tired of this :( I just want to know what the cause of this pain is.\n\n\nThank you so much for reading.\n", "answer": "UK doc here.\n\nTMJ has been spoken about - [heres the NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/temporomandibular-joint-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx). Id recommend waiting it out rather than going for invasive procedures - which admittedly will feel frustrating for you. Jumping in with invasive treatments early can sometimes cause more harm than good.\n\nAs someone else has asked - does it impact your daily functioning?\n\nKeep going with the amitriptyline - it is unlikely to be aggrevating whatever condition you have.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fbwsv", "comment_id": "dajg9pr"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Unless you dragged the blade across her arm you did not FORCE her to do anything.  If she really really didn\u2019t want to do it she wouldn\u2019t have. \n\nThat being said you may have influenced her or started her in a path to becoming more curious. But she made a choice. That is not ALL your responsibility. Think of it like this:\n\nYou have a friend who goes around stabbing people and they want to stop. Friend and you decide if she stabs someone else you are going to have to stab someone too. I doubt you\u2019d stick around long enough to be BFF with that person because you don\u2019t WANT to stab people. On some level she knew the risks and was willing to take them. Give her some credit/responsibility too. You are not all powerful. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "dr8od5c"}, {"question": "Friend is comatose, doctors don't know what's wrong", "description": "My friend's wife Bekah is 28 white overweight young woman. Bekah was put on the medication propanolol (propranolol) to treat a blood pressure issue in May of 2015. The same day, she bagan vomiting. She stopped taking the medication in about a week, but never stopped vomiting. She had a hard time keeping anything down for months. This constant agony led her to become depressed, and was prescribed the antidepressant amitriptyline. After a few days of taking it, she began experiencing extreme side-effects of the medication, including hallucinations and paralysis. She was transferred to a hospital where she asphyxiated on her own vomit due to staff negligence, and became comatose in late February. \nThe doctors have ruled out multiple types of illnesses and I would be interested in seeing if anyone knows of any specialists that may be on the cutting edge of either gastric/neural side effects of medications, or any other help. She is in Las Vegas. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Strange.\n\nCould there be a possibility that she was overmedicating (either accidentally or deliberately)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fy28q", "comment_id": "danztg6"}, {"question": "I [26F] feel like my boyfriend [29M] does not give me enough affection and I feel neglected.", "description": "My boyfriend and I are both in graduate school and have been living with each other for about three years. This relationship is plagued by a number of problems: (1) my boyfriend suffers from chronic back pain due to sports injuries, (2) I have anxiety and OCD, (3) we live and work together on a number of projects in a small college town, meaning we see each other all the time, and (4) we express our love in different ways.\n\nI have no doubt that he loves me and cares about me, but he had never been in a relationship before he met me and I am noticing a lot of ways in which that manifests. He is not good at communication at all, and bottles up emotions without discussing them. This makes me the only one in the relationship who is putting in any work to maintain it or help it grow. Anytime I bring something up with him, his attitude and tone show me that he sees it as an unnecessary burden on his already burdened life.\n\nWhen it comes to expressions of love, he is one of the least affectionate men I've ever been with (and it's not just with me, it's the same with family). He never tells me he loves me first, he rarely ever surprises me with romantic things, he never initiates a kiss with me unless we're having sex, he never ever initiates hand-holding or hugging. The only time I get these things is if I ask for them first. When I do ask for them, he begrudgingly complies or rolls his eyes. It's almost turned into a running joke.. I feel like I am begging for scraps.\n\nI am someone that requires a lot of physical touch and affirmation, and this has been a huge challenge for me. I've talked to him about this many times in many ways. I've cried to him about it, I've been mad about it, I've casually talked about it, I've tried positive reinforcement in the very few times he may do something like this on his own by telling him how good it makes me feel and how important it is to me. It doesn't change his behavior at all.\n\nIf I was advising a friend, I would tell them that you can't force your partner to change. And it gets super fucked up when it comes to something like affection, because the last thing you want to do is guilt someone into doing something they don't naturally want to do. I don't know what to do.\n\ntl;dr: I feel like my boyfriend does not give me any physical affection or affirmation and it makes me feel like shit.", "answer": "tell him, and if he doesn't change, reevaluate what you're doing with him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wheed", "comment_id": "dea16u8"}, {"question": "Exercising on Beta Blockers", "description": "Hey everyone,\n\nHope you\u2019ve had a good weekend\n\nI\u2019m a 32 year old female, 5\u201911, 100kg and live in England. My current medications are Duloxetine 40mg bd, Atenolol 50mg bd, Oxybutinun 2.5mg bd, Pregabalin 100mg bd, Rizatriptain as needed and about to start Ciclosporin.\n\nI have a general question regarding exercising whilst taking Beta Blockers. I am taking Atenolol for migraine prophylaxis and was wondering how this affects exercising?\n\nI understand that Atenolol slows the heart rate at rest and will limit how fast it will beat during exercise so will this have any affect on performance? Is it worth changing to something like Topiramate? Or will this interact with the Pregabalin?\n\nMany thanks!", "answer": "Unless you are a serious athlete requiring peak performance it\u2019s probably not an effect that will be hugely limiting for you. You can try exercising and see if it feels very different.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cyfk1b", "comment_id": "eyrssne"}, {"question": "How do deal with best friend's [25/F] boyfriend [26?/M] of four years that I can't stand...", "description": "Hi all! Throwaway as my main is pretty easy to identify and I know he's a redditor. \n\nSo here's the story: my best friend is amazing. We met in college and have been there for each other through a lot. I [25/F] have PTSD and she's stood by my side as other friends have fallen away. She introduced me to my BF [28/M] who I've been with for 4.5 years and who is the light of my life. \n\nHer BF, however, is a different story. I want to like him and sometimes I do, but I can't help but think there is something wrong going on with their relationship and it makes it hard for me to be around him. \n\nThey've been together for a while and when they first started dating he showed a lot of red flags: leaving her on the streets alone after a heaving night of drinking and fighting, calling her names, mocking her personal beliefs, and once proclaiming that although he's never cheated on her he cheated on all his past gfs. He's generally funny and she seems to be in love with him, but once, while ranting about issues with our respective BFs I got the sense that it was common for him to lie about who he sees and what he does when he goes out. She once caught him with a girl on his lap at a bar... \n\nThis alone would probably make any best friend upset, but I've had personal interactions with him that really drive it home for me. Because of my mental illness I rarely drink and if I do it's just one beer/cocktail. One. No more, no less. She knows this. Their lifestyle includes a lot of drinking so on the rare occasion we go to a double date, there's a lot of drinks going around except me. Several times now he's secretly bought us all shots and when I didn't want to take mine he threw a fit. Most recently he did it to just my BF and he was upset, but agreed to take it because he had already spent the cash and he felt obligated. Another time they took us out to dinner, their treat, and he bought me a cocktail I barely touched and literally threw a fit and wouldn't let us leave until it was finished (my friend gulped it down who was clearly uncomfortable). \n\nWhat the fuck is this? To me, it's scary because he triggers my PTSD which was caused by men who wouldn't take \"no\", fighting, and being completely unconscious as a sign to leave me the fuck alone and his tantrums and boundary-crossing makes it literally impossible for me to be around him. I want to say something, but I feel like I had my chance way back when they started dating (and I did voice concern, but it never went anywhere). He also pays 90% of their bills (he's well off) and I know that is another form of control. She seems to be thriving and confident about life and maybe it's my own pathology that is triggered by him, but I'm tired of coming up with excuses on why I never want to hang with both of them together. \n\nTL;DR Best friend's BF shows serious signs of control issues and is emotionally abusive. I want to be there for her, but I can't stand to be around him and I'm tired of coming up with excuses. ", "answer": "avoid him. see your friend one on one", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar6pc", "comment_id": "dhgv5h9"}, {"question": "Is it normal to think that life would be easier if you were single?", "description": "Not for sex or casual dating reasons. Just everyday life reasons. \nLike... not having to check with your SO to stay all night somewhere, or having to consider their expenses for purchases, or having to really think about anyone other than yourself. \n\nIn my own situation, I love my SO. I do a lot for him and don't usually get upset when he doesn't notice. But lately it feels like I'm the only one doing anything to keep our romance alive and it honestly feels like wasted effort. \n\nI know I need to talk to him, but are these feelings normal? Even in healthy relationships?", "answer": "life is a trade off\n\nhave a big talk. if it goes nowhere suggest couple therapy. if that goes nowhere it's likely over i'm afraid", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ov40z", "comment_id": "dkkezn3"}, {"question": "Long Showers?", "description": "I take the longest showers in the world I feel like. I've gotten into the bad habit of sitting down while showering. So I sit down and spent 30 minutes watching youtube while my hands get pruny and then say: Oh right I'm showering, then take another 15 minutes to shower.   \n\nI just moved into my own place and I got my heat bill yesterday... I cant imagine where my water will be at if I continue this behavior. Is this an ADHD thing? If so what do you guys do to help take shorter showers? I've tried a timer in the past but that only worked until I had a bad day and just wanted to lay in the shower until I used all the water in the lake. ", "answer": "Leave your phone out of the bathroom! If you need some stimulation while you\u2019re showering, get a cheap Bluetooth shower speaker and set your phone to a playlist and leave it in the other room. I think if you can cut out this one thing as well as sitting down in the shower that would be enough to shorten your showers sufficiently to avoid a ridiculous bill.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ad6ssj", "comment_id": "ede3laj"}, {"question": "What can I expect from psychological testing?", "description": "Monday, I am calling a behavioral health center in my area. I am finally going to take the needed steps to combat my anxiety. I am 22 and have been struggling with it since approximately age 10. While I am excited to try to rebuild my life, I am also terrified of the entire process, especially the psychological testing... I have never been through this nor have I talked to a counselor/psychologist.\n\nSo, I ask of you, Reddit: What can I expect? Are there specific questions I could be asked? If you have been through the process, how scary/frustrating/etc was it for you? How did you deal with these feelings? What advice can you give to possibly help me out?", "answer": "Honestly- most psychological tests are with a pencil and paper. Some are long, but most take about 15-20 minutes.\n\nThe important thing to remember is that there are no right or wrong answers- and it is important to be as honest as you can be.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "zwizm", "comment_id": "c68cxh7"}, {"question": "I haven't been in school since the second grade and I really want to find a way to go to college and get a degree", "description": "Very long story short, I grew up with a mentally ill, unstable and neglectful mother who decided to take me out of school when I was young to 'homeschool' me because of how *dangerous* public school was. Basically, she removed me from school, decided to try teaching me math a couple of times, had me write an essay, and eventually gave up because I was 'being too difficult', but never re-enrolled me into school.\n\nSome pertinent details: I'm 19, about 6 months shy of 20, and live in the state of Oklahoma. I haven't been in a public school setting since I was about 7, maybe 8.  I enrolled myself into a GED course when I was 16 through a local college but as I was also working at the time and suffering with godawful depression, once the winter break came and went, I just never found the time or motivation to go back. That is my own fault, I'll grant.\n\nMainly, what I'm looking for here is a clear-cut path to where I want to go.\n\nI'd like to go to an actual university -- one of those Big Boy Schools like OU or OSU -- but I know that's next to impossible without things like high school transcripts, extracurriculars... important things that make you look like a worthy student. So I guess I'm just looking for advice on the next step. Is my best option going for the GED and then working my ass off to get admission into a community college? Is there anything I can do to 'pad my resume', so to speak, and give myself the edge that most kids already have by my age?\n\nI know about concurrent enrollment; I enrolled with TCC to do a non-degree-seeking concurrent language class but never quite went through with it, so would I be able to do that kind of thing to get me to where I need to be?\n\nWorth noting that I'm not at all against community colleges or trade schools. I wouldn't consider going to one to be 'less than', I just had really high hopes for myself growing up that I never had the opportunity to live up to, but I'd like to remedy that now. Tentative plan is to do something like nursing, tech work, something in the medical field, but in the meantime I'm perfectly okay with just finding a way to get my core classes going so I can figure out my next move. I've never really had options, so if I can, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.\n\n​\n\nI'm sorry if this is kind of ramble-y; I wanted to get the ball rolling while I still felt the drive. I'm willing to answer any questions anyone might have to the best of my ability and provide as much information as I can.\n\n​\n\nP.S. If this is in the wrong place or is better suited for a more particular sub, point the way! I'm more than happy to migrate. Thanks in advance, all.", "answer": "If you can get a GED, you can get into community college. Admission to CC is not competitive - you just have to meet the basic requirements and pay tuition. I don't think you need to particularly pad your resume in that respect. \n\nIf you can do well in CC, you can transfer those credits to OU/OSU. Both are great schools. Once you get to community college, ask if they have recommendations for someone who wants to transfer to a 4-year school. The CC's in my area have something called Pathways which are recommended courses to take to transfer to certain degree programs at certain universities in the area - basically, they've communicated with each other and pretty much guarantee that the credits from those courses will transfer.\n\nAs for actually getting into 4-year universities from CC - transfer students tend to have a bit of an easier time getting in than high school freshmen IF they can prove they can handle college-level coursework - so if you get good grades and have the credits they're looking for, you shouldn't have a hard time getting in at all. Colleges like seeing transfers that have proven themselves in a college environment because they're less likely to drop out or transfer again. \n\nMake sure you fill out the FAFSA and apply for any student financial aid you can find, both for CC and 4-year uni. \n\nAbove all else, always be willing to ask questions and seek out help wherever you can in this whole process. That includes getting the GED, signing up for CC, and doing classwork. The people who go into education - teachers, counselors, advisors, etc tend to be there to help people. If you encounter someone who isn't helpful, find someone else. \n\nOnce you get to CC, look into their Nursing, Med Tech, and Nurse's Aide/Assistant programs, things like that might be of interest. You can look up their programs on their website and see what types of classes you would be taking and what it's preparing you for, see how you like each one and explore some similar ones.\n\nSource: I do college counseling at a high school. Hope something in here helps!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "dqd7ro", "comment_id": "f637wc7"}, {"question": "How do you start up with a new doctor?", "description": "38/male/white/5'10/250lbs/no health concerns. \n\nMy old doctor left the practice and I don't like the new PA I was assigned. After a year of seeing her, it's like I'm just another number, no relationship like with my old doctor, plus she sent in a prescription for something I'm allergic to. I did some research and found a doctor at a different practice that is highly rated and closer to me.\n\nHow do I start up with the new doctor without having a physical? I just had a physical with the PA in March, so I won't be due another one for a while. Do I have to wait until I get sick or is there such a thing as a new patient visit? (I've only had the one primary care doctor before; in the past, I would only go to urgent cares when I was sick.) Also, can I do the visit without transferring my records first? This doctor has great reviews, but if it doesn't seem like a good fit, then obviously I wouldn't want to transfer from my PA. It would probably be awkward to transfer my records to a new provider and then have to transfer them back over if it wasn't a good fit.\n\nSorry if this is a dumb question (well, questions). I know this isn't the type usually asked here!", "answer": "Yes, new patient well visits are standard. You call the office and say that's what you want to set up: you're \"establishing care\" with a new physician. You will have a physical, because the new doctor will want to make sure he's not missing something and have a baseline, but it will probably be a quick, general one.\n\nThe easiest way to transfer records is not to do it yourself. You would tell the new doctor that your records are at another clinic, sign a release of information form, and it's between the two of them to get information transferred. There's no need to rush that, especially before the first appointment. The transfer also doesn't make records disappear from your current clinic, so if you decide you don't like the new doctor there's no barrier to just not following through.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pue1n", "comment_id": "e0e449f"}, {"question": "After a year on meds, I finally increased my dose and I'm scared :( what happens from now on?", "description": "So after a year on 10mg adderall IR 5 times daily (50mg total), I've switched to 15mg IR 4 times daily (60mg).\n\nI was really really obsessively afraid of this happening. Adderall made a black and white difference in my life. It turned an extremely depressed and non competent me into the go getting extroverted person I've always wanted to be. \n\nI'm really scared. I don't want this to be a reoccurring thing :(. My doctor has said he goes up to 80mg daily, which is somewhat comforting, but what happens when I reach that and I need to go up more? It feels like a ticking time bomb with a minuscule fuse.\n\n​\n\nI've read that some people find the right dosage and stay on it forever, and that's also what my doctor told me, but I'm worried that I wont be one of those people. I thought my dose right now was perfect, until it started slowly dropping off about 3-4 months ago.\n\nI'm so damn envious of neurotypicals :/", "answer": "Try to stop thinking. Hard with ADHD I know. It's black and white, it's helping. Don't over think it. When it stops or you reach 80mg worry then. \n\nThere are options, maybe ask your doctor what he does when 80mg is no longer effective, he'll tell you their are options and may put your mind at ease. Until then, don't think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22fax", "comment_id": "eiq3258"}, {"question": "Day 4, Bipolar Disorder, and Relationships", "description": "Day 4 here. Started smoking daily about 3 years ago to help me \"cope\" with my Bipolar II disorder. I regularly see a p-doc and take prescription meds as treatment. Lost my job of 4 years in December due to a failed random mouth swab drug test. I've never been high on the job, always just after work to mellow out. After I was fired, my weed intake dramatically increased. Stoned 24/7, as all my friends and even my family smoke too. As I type this I can hear them coughing and smoking in our garage underneath me.\n\nAnyway, I finally got the motivation to quit after spending time with a girl that I like. She's got quite a bit of emotional baggage right now as she is going through a divorce. The deal was to be friends/friends with benefits which made sense, and was initially okay, but now I realize how much I like her and how good she makes me feel. I also realize that I should be quitting weed for myself, not for anyone else, but I figured any little push to get me off this garbage is good. Long story short, she reinforced that she doesn't want a relationship and it hurt a bit more than I thought it would. I also haven't dated in years and don't go through this often.\n\nStruggling so hard to not light up and become comfortably numb again, but I know I need to stay strong.\n\nI just wanted to write this to hopefully feel at least a little better, and get some positive encouragement and advice. Anyone else have BP2 disorder and is trying to make a change for the better?", "answer": "I have BPD II and I am currently getting my master's degree in experimental psychology (because I'm bipolar and wanted to really learn about it). I also have a PTSD diagnosis from an experience with an ex, which my doctor prescribed me medical marijuana for (I was already smoking daily anyway). I'm trying to get myself off of it now. I know how difficult romantic relationships can be with BPD. I don't know what I can tell you, though. I exercise almost daily, eat healthy foods, take my medication as prescribed daily, and get about 10 hours of sleep a night. Still, I am deeply suicidal and feel hopeless. I can't even tell you that quitting marijuana is the right decision to make. But if you do hold fast, at least you can say that you have a strong will, and that is something to be proud of. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "7zavcf", "comment_id": "duoeqij"}, {"question": "How can I get my therapist to take this more seriously?", "description": "I think I may have OSDD-an because I have a lot of people in my head and they take over sometimes, and we used to have a different host. But my therapist is very dismissive, when I say \u201cI\u2019m not the same host we used to have\u201d she says that all people change over time, and when I tell her about switching she says all people act different in different situations. I can see where she\u2019s coming from but I don\u2019t think it\u2019s this drastic to suddenly become an entirely different person with entirely different values. I think my experiences align with OSDD-1B the most but also if anyone could point out anything else that matches these symptoms then maybe I can bring those up instead. I just don\u2019t think living as so many different people is \u201cnormal\u201d.", "answer": "How trauma informed is this therapist?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwlu71", "comment_id": "fmp4eaa"}, {"question": "Twitching eyelid.", "description": "My right's eye eyelid started twitching yesterday. I read some about that and aparently is due to stress or tiredness. Thing is, it never twitched before, even though I was under much more stress/lack of sleep. Should I go to see a doctor or something? It will even stop?\n\nps: 19yrs, 200lbs, 1,80m\nps2: It just twitches occasionally \n", "answer": "Blepharospasm is common and nothing to worry about :) ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8elaql", "comment_id": "dxw6yhf"}, {"question": "Does anyone else actually hate \"Reddit culture\"?", "description": "Part of the reason I need to stop using this site is because so much of it is toxic. There is so much cynicism, negativity, hatred and arguing on this website. Every is constantly putting each other down, it's terrible. Not only that but I keep saying the same old jokes and information on the same old tired topics. I feel like I'll be so much more mentally healthy when I'm off this website.", "answer": "kind of ironic how people are commenting to put you down...lol. Sorry bud", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "cw01yu", "comment_id": "ey7kkhe"}, {"question": "I'm scared I might have to be committed to the hospital again.", "description": "I've been on a constant battle of highs and lows lately, and it's getting to the point where I'm concerned I might do something stupid and fuck up my whole system that I started for myself. \nI'm getting anxious and my thoughts are clouded and horrible thoughts are being produced because of that anxiety and it won't stop. I think I'm coming to a point where I can't talk myself down and I really just don't want to go to the hospital because I can't get my shit together. \nI just want to feel better and I thought I was doing well for a little bit but then of course I take two fucking steps in the opposite direction of my good path.\n\nI don't have people in my life that I can share this with, my boyfriend is dealing with his own things at the moment and I feel like I'm burdening him with just more problems, but then I cause problems by being emotional when he acts stand-offish because he's dealing with his shit. \n\nMaybe it's better that I go to the hospital, I don't know. \n\nI'm sorry if this doesn't belong here or if I'm not doing this right. It's my first time actually posting on reddit after being a long time lurker of multiple subs. ", "answer": "I found i feel the worst when I don't talk about it and keep it all in. It kills me inside to not but I feel so much better if I confront someone about how I feel and be real about it. \n\n\"Hey I know this sounds irrational but i feel this way\"", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2kuqtr", "comment_id": "clp5bhr"}, {"question": "I have a separate voice in my head that I hear and interact with on a daily basis.", "description": "Using a throwaway.\n\nSo I have told my therapist this but I kind of...downplayed how important the voice is in my head.  I talk to the voice aaalll the time, almost on a constant basis.  And it\u2019s not like I\u2019m lonely.  I have a ton of friends that I spend time with and talk to on a regular basis but the voice is still always there.  He is actually the one who convinced me to go to therapy because my depression and anxiety was getting really bad and he wanted me to get help.  I told my therapist that he\u2019s there to just help me through problems I have (which he does...we bounce ideas off of each other until a solution comes up) and it was like having someone to talk to who couldn\u2019t tell someone else my problems.  She told me not to worry about it because it just sounds like a coping mechanism but I also wasn\u2019t completely honest with her about the importance of the voice in my head and I also wasn\u2019t honest that it was separate.  She just thought my \u201cthought voice\u201d is masculine instead of being a separate entity.  I just didn\u2019t correct her.", "answer": "Hey, I'm a little late to this thread but even if you're hearing voices, *it doesn't have to be a bad thing*. Some people hear supportive or neutral voices and there's nothing wrong with that! Voices aren't all scary or bad.\n\nI am *not* saying you have schizophrenia or anything like that as I'm not your therapist, but here's a cool TED talk I watched a while back from someone who hears voices if you're interested.\n\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw\n\nThere's nothing wrong with bringing up your experience with your therapist if you haven't already. You obviously have some thoughts and concerns about what you're experiencing, even if the experience isn't negative, and it's therefore something worth discussing.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwqah3", "comment_id": "ev0hw8y"}, {"question": "Is it me or is it him?", "description": "My (46F) boyfriend (46M) have been together for 6 years this time. We dated in high school/college for 6 years too, so we have a lot of history. I love him but I think he's selfish, and he thinks I'm demanding. Case in point. My birthday is in a few weeks and his is the week after. Several days ago, he showed me a photo of a lovely bed and breakfast in the mountains. It's a place I would love. 2 days ago, he asks if I would like to go away the weekend before my birthday. I think he means the place he showed me and tell him I'd love to. Then he proceeds to tell me he's thinking we could go to Gainesville. I have zero interest in going there (we are in Orlando) and I just look at him, mind kind of puzzled . Then he proceeds to tell me that my birthday weekend is when the big friends of the library book sale is and we can go to that, then to some breweries for some drinks and maybe get a hotel. In other words, his dream day. I have zero interest in spending 4 or more hours at a used book sale and he has several thousand (yes, you read that correctly) used books, so he doesn't actually need any reading material.  I don't say anything, but spend a couple of days thinking about what I do want to do (I have children and family I want to spend time with) and think about What I'm going to do for his birthday. I am on a tight budget, but decide to spring for a Wanee ticket. It's his favorite thing in the world and he enjoys going, listening to music and getting away by himself. It's the Th, F, S before my birthday. I give him the ticket and he's thrilled.  He said he didn't want to spend the money and he had already planned to spend the weekend with me bc of my birthday.  I told him it was fine bc I didn't want to book shop and drink beer for my birthday anyway. Then he says that we can still go to the book sale on Sunday. I again tell him I don't want to go. So he says he will just go on his own on his way home and he will won't be home till dinner time Sunday. I am really hurt by this. He is going to leave Wednesday, spend the next 3 days at this festival and then all day Sunday book shopping. He works on my actual birthday. Am I being unreasonable?  Is he totally selfish?  \n\ntl;dr: boyfriend has a fun filled weekend planned for himself, on my birthday", "answer": "Not very considerate of him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62dri8", "comment_id": "dflp47k"}, {"question": "Can a therapist diagnose?", "description": "As the title says i'm just curious about since my therapist, after talking with her a lot about trauma told me that I most certainly have PTSD, and with my ED after telling her what my symptoms were said \"Yeahhh the symptoms your describing sounds a LOT like Anorexia\", then asked me further questions to make sure it was accurate, I mean tbh I think it is and she had said to me that it helps her and we can work from there, but are therapists allowed to diagnose? I just don't wanna feel like i'm getting her in trouble or something because i'm saying \"DIAGNOSE ME DIAGNOSE ME\" n whatnot, I know psychiatrists can. But she's had me fill out forms with my symptoms, gone over them with me (Which at the time was to help me understand because I felt as though I was faking). I just don't wanna over step boundaries or anything or try to make her do stuff she might not be equipped for as a therapist.", "answer": "It depends on license and scope of practice.  Many master 's level therapists can diagnose,  and do for insurance purposes , but they often have a limited scope of diagnosis. \n\nMany psychologists also do therapy and can definitely diagnose.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g28aww", "comment_id": "fnk41zh"}, {"question": "Are psychiatric authorities compulsory down-voters? Let's do an experiment.", "description": "The standard policy in clinical practice is that a patient who disagrees with his/her doctor should be referred to a different doctor. Similarly, it is often included in publications on patient rights that, \"the patient always has the right to go to a different doctor.\"\n\nIn reality, the policy is a euphemism, and the right is a joke. This is in contrast to civilized methods of resolving disputes, such as mediation or compromise, which are focussed on reaching an agreement that is acceptable to both parties.\n\nDown-voting, to be brutally honest, is a way of making people feel bad. Although negative reinforcement may effectively dissuade people from making similar posts in the future, it may also leave a sensitive person wondering \"what did I do wrong?\" without anybody to ask. Personally, I don't think bullying is any more likely to cause major depression than drug-abuse. **Torture, on the other hand, can break anybody.**\n  \n  \nBy the way, I'm not a down-voter myself, but I have a mental illness that makes me repeat things as many times as they are down-voted. Is there a name for that?", "answer": "I'm really not sure what you're saying or asking here. \n    \nBut how are you doing? What you wrote makes it seen like you're stressed out or frustrated. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1z4lji", "comment_id": "cfqkohf"}, {"question": "How do I find a therapist? Fort Worth Texas", "description": "I live in the Fort Worth area and I\u2019m new to this area, so I know no one. Because of that it\u2019s been hard to find a good therapist. I don\u2019t know anyone for recommendations, and everything I see on google has terrible reviews. I really want to start talking to somebody but at this rate it will take me months or a year to find someone. How do y\u2019all find a therapist?", "answer": "Hello! I'd recommend starting off looking at therapist profiles on two websites: Psychology Today and GoodTherapy. Google those sites and type in a couple zip codes near you. You can narrow down the results to various different factors too, which you will see on the left hand side of the results.\n\nStart reading through profiles that catch your eye and see if any interest you. Pick a list of your top 3 from both sites and start giving them some calls to see if they are taking new clients and their availability.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "efxpzu", "comment_id": "fc3267n"}, {"question": "[21/m] insecure about my lack of dating/sex experience, how do I gain confidence and explain myself to others?", "description": "As I'm approaching the end of my junior year of college, it just gets harder to me to accept my virgin status.\n\nWhen I initially meet people (anyone, just not people I'm interested in) they never get that vibe from me. To many people I come across as a tall, good-looking, funny, emotionally stable guy. They're usually caught off guard hearing I'm single, which makes me feel that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone.\n\nOverall I don't have much experience with girls. I've been on dates and whatnot, but nothing's progressed for the most part. For starters I'm completely oblivious and don't catch many signs that someone is interested in me. Apparently there have been countless missed opportunities for me.\n\nMy first kiss was only a year ago, and the \"relationship\" only lasted a month. I'm afraid I come off as too \"innocent\" and girls really don't want to bother with me. On another occasion I have gotten the whole \"I don't want to be in a relationship because I don't want to you to hate me\" bit, but for all I know it could've been BS.\n\nI guess virginity used to be a choice for me. I grew up as a Catholic, so I used to take chastity a tad more seriously. That's not the case anymore as I'm in college, but now I feel like I'm behind and girls won't want to bother with me due to my inexperience.\n\nPosting this, I'd like to say I don't plan on hooking up with anyone. Knowing myself, I get attached to people easily and don't want to put myself through any problems I won't be able to handle emotionally. In general I'm very careful with who I open up with in life, be it friends or potential interests, so in that sense something like sex isn't something I'd throw away.\n\nOverall I guess I'm afraid of being vulnerable and potentially disappointing girls I might get involved with. I don't want them to get the wrong/a bad impression of me and my performance. Yeah I might be \"innocent\", \"pure\" compared to most, but I have desires too. I'm sure someone on this page could give me perspective of some kind. Thanks, y'all", "answer": "Be patient with yourself. Go SLOW. If someone can't deal with that, they're the wrong person. Be yourself. We all start at the beginning.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61s2hd", "comment_id": "dfgu8eu"}, {"question": "Should I let someone in my family keep drinking every night or call them out on it?", "description": "One of my family members drinks everything and last time I called her out on it she flipped out for days. She has went days here and there without drinking and it's such a better person. What do I do to change her habits? What can I do?", "answer": "You can\u2019t make her do anything which is the hardest part about this situation. She has to want to change on her own.  All you can do is state your concerns and be supportive while taking care of yourself and setting limits. It is not your job nor is it possible to change someone\u2019s habits or behaviors. This is easy to say but much harder to do and realize with people you care about. Good luck. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7ame6f", "comment_id": "dpb4qka"}, {"question": "Concerning CBC results for little one", "description": "Today we went for a routine doctor check with our 7 month old daughter (weight 22.4 lbs - 10.16 KG and height 28.7inches - 73cm). She is a perfect child always smiling always full of energy never had any problems.\n\nDoctor ordered a CBC and we got the results in the evening with some concerning entries.\n\nThe sections that are flagged are:\n* Neutrophils percentage - 8% with recommended values between 15-55%\n* Neutrophils count - 0.76 thousand per uL - after reading online this indicates moderate neutropenia \n* Lymphocyte percentage 80.7 with recommended values between 40-70 (and FWIW 7.01 thousand per uL with recommendations between 4-12 - so count NORMAL but percentage off)\n\nWe got scared really bad really fast and we\u2019re trying to get a sense of how bad/serious the results are before we manage to get back to doctors to figure out next steps.\n\nI\u2019d like to ask for a general opinion and not specific questions but I have some of those as well in case it helps:\n\n1) How common is neutropenia in children less than a year\n2) How often is it related to serious issues?\n3) Given that she didn\u2019t have any fever and didn\u2019t have literally any problems up till now - what could be the cause of this?\n4) What could we expect as possible causes?\n5) What are the next recommended steps?\n\nThank you so much! \n", "answer": "I'm not a pediatrician, but you have one. Talk to him or her.\n\nTake with a grain of salt, but here's what I make of it with no expertise: lymphocytes are slightly off by percentage but the count is okay, so I wouldn't worry much. The neutrophil count is also fine for a 7 month old, although the percentage is low; neutropenia is usually defined by the absolute neutrophil count, so I wouldn't worry about this either.\n\nThe most likely thing, I'd guess, is normal but relatively high counts for all the other cell types, with therefore a normal absolute neutrophil count that produces an unusually low percentage. The lymphocytes are part of it. It could be everything. In any case, for anything critical your pediatrician will call you; for anything else, it will wait. This may very well be a case where the doctor is completely unconcerned and doesn't think about how it looks to you, so call and ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1mee", "comment_id": "e4s2hup"}, {"question": "Mom (f62) thinks I'm (f32) ashamed of her. I'm not.", "description": "I just feel that adults who constantly have their moms around are, for lack of a better word, pathetic. I'm not ashamed of her personally, she's an admirable and inspiring woman, I just don't want to be seen as a freak that can't handle when mommy isn't around. \n\nThing is, sometimes she's clueless. For example:\n\nThe other night I (begrudgingly) told her I was going on a date that night. She tells me that I should talk about how she was a marine and that she was a mechanic, etc. She also mentioned that she should come down and meet him when he picked me up. \n\nNow, I think it would be weird on a first date to talk about my mom. He's on a date with me, why the hell would he care about her accomplishments when I'm the one he's trying to get to know? And on the first date having him meet my mom seems like the thing that would scare him away. It's only the first date, I might not even see him again afterwards.\n\nShe sees this as me being ashamed of her and I don't know how to get her to understand that it's not personal. Am I wrong about this? I kinda feel like I'm being an asshole.", "answer": "she needs to respect boundaries. you're a grown up!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6benz9", "comment_id": "dhm001o"}, {"question": "What does it take to become a therapist?", "description": "Hi! \n\nMy title pretty much says it all. I apologize if I am asking in the wrong community. I am two years out of college, and I am just trying to figure my passion in life. Becoming a therapist is something I genuinely interested in and would love to get into. I would love feedback / tips to what it takes to become a licensed therapist?\n\nThanks for your help in advance!", "answer": "In the US, commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling (directory of CACREP accredited programs here: https://www.cacrep.org/directory/ ), MFT (directory of COAMFTE-accredited programs here: https://coamfte.org/COAMFTE/Directory_of_Accredited_Programs/MFT_Training_Programs.aspx ) or Social Work (list of CSWE accredited programs here, be sure to filter appropriately: https://www.cswe.org/Accreditation/Directory-of-Accredited-Programs.aspx ) Typically programs are about 2 years. \n\nAfter you graduate, you will do some amount of pre-licensure hours (varies by state and specific licensure path) and meet any other state licensure requirements for the state where you are residing/want to practice in (e.g. a written exam).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "himhpu", "comment_id": "fwhhrde"}, {"question": "Is this a normal feeling?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I don't really believe there's any such thing as normal.  I believe everyone's crazy.  It's just a matter of what way and how much.  \n\nResearch shows that about 50% of all adults have thought about suicide at least once in their lives.  My guess is that it's much higher but many would be afraid/ashamed to disclose even anonymously.  \n\n\nThe more important to ask yourself is:  Are these thoughts so distressing to you that they're impairing your life somehow?  If so, I'd suggest talking to a therapist to figure out what's going on.  If you're old enough to be in med school, you're old enough to go to a therapist without your parents or anyone else ever finding out if you don't want them to.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds19cr", "comment_id": "f6mnvag"}, {"question": "I'm legit looking for advice. I need help.", "description": "Just for some background I am a 41 year old man who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at 18. I also have a degree in psychology however I'm willing to admit there are things I dont know and am always learning. This post however isnt about me. It's about my son. My worry is that my \"precieved knowledge\" is hindering my decision making. \n\nMy son has been diagnosed ADHD with ODD. As many of you may know this is the most predictive diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder. The school and the \"behaviorist\" have recommended he be put on a stimulant. My problem is this. Number one ADHD is diagnosed at almost 3x the rate in the USA then anywhere else. And more kids are on stimulants in this country then any other drug. This isnt about whether the pharmaceutical companies influence these decisions its about weather at 6 he should be medicated. The behaviorist my wife took him to is a nurse practitioner, who I am assuming took some sort of class or seminar that \"certified\" her to be able to spot ADHD identifiers so she can write scripts to kids. It was likely funded by a pharmaceutical company for obvious reasons. \n\nI am not against medication. Not at all. In fact I think that if a psychologist recommends meds in conjunction with therapy its irresponsible to not take the meds. The result may be that without them, you're unreceptive to therapy. My issue is with a NP prescribing meds without the recommendation of a psychologist. However the school has successfully pressured my wife into this. Again this isnt about the vested interest the school system had in medicating kids it's about MY KID.\n\nCan anyone, preferably a psychologist, provide me with a few answers to questions if you dont mind.\n\n1) will stimulants affect my 6 year olds brain development in a negative way\n\n2) I've made a appointment with a psychologist but it's not for a month and my wife wants to start the meds NOW. Will the meds affect the analysis the psychologist makes next month? \n\n3) perhaps my most important question is this. I love my son. He is my best friend. I'm trying to make the correct decision. I was on many meds as a child and they all did more harm then good. It wasnt until I was finally diagnosed BPD at 18 and taught how to live with it, got into a gym to help my self worth, and learn overall skills for dealing with anxiety, anger and the like that I started to function better, and although life is hard I've learned the skills necessary to live a happy medication free lifestyle. So I guess I'm asking will the meds be something that hinder his progress in learning these skills OR will they help him and perhaps allow him to learn these things more easily.\n\nIf you stuck with this and read it to the end I already appreciate it. I'm looking for real advice. I am not opposed medication but question its validity in a 6 year old boy. However I admit there is alot about this I dont know and am seeking advice from a actual professional.", "answer": "Couldn't say for sure - but (as a UK shrink) your observations mirror my own and when I diagnose ADHD it takes 3 pretty long appointments and some testing as well. So a nurse practitioner diagnosing ADHD would seem brave in a UK context. Compare your experiences to what the NHS says about diagnosis and treatment: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "davc6s", "comment_id": "f1w4wo8"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "A few of my friends have told me that I tend to avoid looking at people when they're talking to me. Reading the posts on r/socialskills, they say one of the key ingredients to confidence is eye contact. So I did a social experiment on myself. I found that I couldn't look at my friends while talking to them for more than 2 or 3 seconds. After a few seconds I feel really uncomfortable and the thought of maintaining eye contact is daunting. I've been trying to fix this but I can't help but look away or I'll feel like breaking out into a panic attack. Any advice on improving my eye contact?", "answer": "I wrote a guide to [making eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact). Perhaps you'll find it helpful? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19bkpz", "comment_id": "c8mm4e5"}, {"question": "My girlfriend attempted suicide, and blamed me for that", "description": "Back in December, my girlfriend attempted suicide - the 4th time in her life, the first since I know her. We had been together for about 2 years, a month prior we had spent a week in Paris and Disneyland. She's always been unreliable, with me, strongly fluctuating between deep, deep love and pure hatred. She used to say the most horrible things to me during constant arguments, such as \"I'm happy you've been fired, you deserve it\", \"You're a 1000 times worse than my ex was\" or \"Everybody hates you. Ever wondered why? You suck.\". Sometimes she argued so hard I had a couple of panic attacks while on the phone with her.\n\nThe day before the attempted suicide, we had had yet another argument. She started yelling at me, 'cause she had had a bad day and I tried to talk about it, but she didn't want to. We ended up arguing on the phone till 3 AM. The day after I sent her a message on Facebook, saying that I had enough, that I was gonna stop trying to make her reason, and that being so irrational, sometimes cutting herself and being so distructive towards our relationship even though she loved me, I wanted her to see a therapist that could help her sort that out. She replied \"I don't wanna go to therapy, I'm perfectly fine and I don't wanna throw my future out of the window\". I was genuenly worried about her, and said \"Don't you see you have trouble dealing with people in general, not only me? You can't really go on like this forever. How are you get a job?\" (A week prior, she had argued so hard with my boss, she quit her position at the office I work at).\n\nShe went went \"If this time around I'm successuful, tell 'em I'm sorry\". And proceded to swallow 12 pills of expired xanax. She then called me, lying on the bathroom floor, unable to breath or walk. Being unable to drive all the way there myself, I grabbed another phone and quickly rushed to call her brother who then reached her, and called an ambulance.\n\nMy mum drove me to the hospital. I was then called by a Doctor: she was lying on a bed, her relatives there looking at me. The Doctor started yelling at me, and then her parents, saying that my girlfriend had blamed me, that she had attempted suicide because of what I had told her. I bursted in to tears\u2026\n\nSince then, my life's snapped in half and nothing is the same.\n\nShe's fine, she came back home a week after and going to therapy since then. Is it my fault, if she almost died? I'm haunted by this tought.", "answer": "That doctor has issues don\u2019t listen to them. Suicide is just about never anyone\u2019s fault\n\nYour girlfriend needs serious help\n\nHer attempts are not your fault\n\nIf you care about her wellbeing make sure she goes to her therapy\n\nMost importantly- take care of yourself, get some counseling, and frankly I\u2019d recommend breaking this off for your own wellbeing.\n\nETA: can\u2019t really diagnose over the internet but from this info she\u2019s exhibiting a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "bascll", "comment_id": "eke8sw3"}, {"question": "When/How to get a new therapist?", "description": "So, I recently started therapy for the first time. My counselor helped me find her and reassured me the company she worked with was great. I\u2019ve gone to 4 appointments now, though, and I\u2019m just not sure. I\u2019m mostly concerned because we haven\u2019t gotten to the actual \u201ctherapy\u201d part yet. The first two appointment were paperwork, the most recent two have been practicing mindfulness/grounding, but she hasn\u2019t really shown any concern about my issues. I think a lot of this is just because we haven\u2019t clicked yet (and I struggle a lot when I don\u2019t click with people,) but I\u2019m not sure when to throw in the towel or where to even start.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI'd bring up this in session with her. This would be a good way for her to gauge your idea of progress within the therapy process so far and it would help clear the air a bit and give you a chance to speak a bit more about it. It can be simple as \"It's been 4 sessions now and I don't feel like we've really gotten into why I'm here.\" Also, it might be good to ask what it might \"look like\" when \"the actual therapy\" part arrives. What kinds of things do you expect? What are you hoping to see?\n\nI get the idea a lot from new clients that want to just jump right in and immediately start working on stuff. There are a lot of reasons why that might not happen immediately, and 4 sessions is not a lot of time (unless your therapist specifically uses short term approaches. But since she has done 2 sessions of paperwork and 2 sessions of grounding, I would imagine not). \n\nYou are the one that has full say in what you choose to do, though. If you feel like it's just not clicking you are perfectly able to find someone else. I would definitely at least bring up these ideas with her first and see how she responds. That might give you a clearer answer.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ehn4hb", "comment_id": "fck7kwi"}, {"question": "My treatment at a day hospital starts tomorrow..", "description": ".. and I'm heavily panicking, freaking out and just crying for the past days. \n\nSo tomorrow my treatment program at this open psychiatric ward starts and I'm terrified. It's evening now and every minute to minute I'm panicking more and more. I don't know what to do to calm down, nothing seems to work. I have no distraction at all, none of my friends who know about that feels the need to talk to me to keep me from drowning in my thoughts and panic. I feel like it's asked too much to just have someone who keeps me busy this evening. I tried to distract myself by watching some episodes of one of my favorite series but not even that works. \n\nDoes anyone here have experience with being at a day hospital (probably also one in Germany?) and can calm me down and tell me its not a horrific kind of prison thing? Because.. Thats what I imagine and I can't get my mind off it.\n\nAnyways, thanks for reading I guess, I somehow will survive it, I'm sure.", "answer": "Assuming it's not too different from UK day units - it's basically a day centre with experienced staff and various options to manage whatever your mental health issues are (I'm guessing anxiety!)\n\nNot a prison, you're going there voluntarily, and theres nothing you can say to them that they've probably not heard a million times before.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f1c783", "comment_id": "fh3x6zx"}, {"question": "PTSD/GAD dog for a non-veteran (x-post from /r/anxiety)", "description": "I went to see my doctor yesterday to have my meds adjusted, etc. She recommended that I get a service dog trained to help me with my PTSD and GAD symptoms...and to prevent me from turning into a complete hermit. Before I left her office I was given a signed letter stating this.\n\nThe problem is most everywhere I look only works with veterans. I've called a few places that don't say \"vets only,\" but have only gotten voicemail.\n\nSo now I really don't know what to do next. Neither my therapist nor my doctor have any ideas of who to ask, since dogs trained to help with PTSD are a new development.\n\nDoes anyone out there have any ideas? Or is maybe going through the same search? Thanks for reading this.\n", "answer": "I'd recommend finding a psychologist or therapist who specializes in PTSD, and who knows one or more of the research-supported treatments. These include prolonged exposure therapy (PE), cognitive processing therapy (CPT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). Personally, that's the order in which I rank them, but that's my bias - they all have data supporting their efficacy. I know you're not a veteran, but I'll tell you that the US military and VA are investing large amounts of money in training therapists to do PE and CPT, so there's another vote of confidence in those therapies. These are intended to lead to lasting change, not to support you for the rest of your life. They're not easy treatments, but after 10-16 sessions, people tend to improve a lot  and maintain their gains for 2 years or longer (I'm not sure any studies have gone further out than 2 years post-treatment).\n\nGood luck.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "1ab3cp", "comment_id": "c94cyg2"}, {"question": "[24/m] Do I have a reason to be suspicious? What is my next step?", "description": "Hi reddit,\n\nBit of background, my girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years now. We have discussed getting married sometime in the near future, but we still have to figure out some things(ex where we are living, what schools, etc). She will be attending medical school, and I am in an engineering field. \n\nMy girlfriend and I recently attended a seminar together. The nature of the seminar is not important, but there was a lot of other college students there from a variety of majors. I also attended this seminar last year where I made good friends with, let's say, Tom. My girlfriend was not in attendance last year.\n\nThis year, my girlfriend and I drove up to the seminar and she met Tom. She made friends with Tom almost immediately since they are both going to be attending different medical school in the fall and have somewhat similar interests relating to medicine. Note, Tom has a girlfriend who is also attending the seminar and Tom also knows that my girlfriend and I are a couple and have been for a long time. \n\nOne night at the seminar I was sitting at our table when we were eating dinner and I noticed that Tom was being somewhat friendly with my girlfriend as they were talking. In a sense, my male instinct went off but I played it off chill as if it was nothing. I then decided to be funny and sent her a snapchat while she was sitting there talking to Tom with a picture of both of them with a caption like \"hahah #swooped\". Needless to say Tom saw the picture and was somewhat embarrassed. He later apologized to me about his somewhat behavior and I told him no worries, I was only joking and it was funny, which we both laughed at. My girlfriend also thought it was hilarious. \n\nThat evening he also decided to apologize to my girlfriend by saying he might have come off as trying to be more than friends. He did this by looking her up on Facebook and sending her a message saying \"so it looks like I just got banned from getting your number! so sorry about everything haha.\" She then replied \"Don't worry about it. I like talking to you. My boyfriend can chill.\"\n\nNeedless to say I was infuriated by her response since it seems as if she is putting me in the corner since she has found some fresh meat. We discussed it and there were no lingering feelings. Later on, I noticed some other things happening such as her going to sit with him during meals, getting up and leaving the room (while I was sitting next to her )to go to the other room and sit with him, etc. Needless to say this irked me out. \n\nI asked her if he sent her any more messages over Facebook, to which she said \"No.\" Although, I knew that this was a lie since I saw him send her more messages. I asked her to show me the messages and she flat out refused to. She told me that he had asked her to not show me any of the conversations that they had, and that he wished that their conversations remain private. My girlfriend and I have had no secrets in the past and have always shared every little excruciating detail with each other. I ended up convincing her to show me the conversation and it was very evident that he was flirting by saying something like \"I can't really keep my eyes to myself\" meaning that he is looking at her.\n\nI have also seen them go off on walks together for 15-30 minutes at a time in places where others couldn't see them, since we were somewhat in the wilderness. She has repeatedly told me that there is nothing I need to be suspicious about and that I was overreacting. Should I be suspicious? What should I do?", "answer": "if she's lying, be suspicious", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kg1ho", "comment_id": "dbnpqv0"}, {"question": "Anyone else sick of how drinking is portrayed in American culture?", "description": "Everywhere I look it\u2019s another meme, post, or T-shirt that is supposed to be cute or funny about drinking, being drunk or having a drinking problem. I\u2019m so confused as to why it\u2019s being shoved down our throats constantly. Is alcoholism cute and funny?! It\u2019s really sad to me and it\u2019s no wonder so many of us have a problem.  So many people die because of alcohol. Alcoholism, making impaired decisions, drunk driving, etc. It isn\u2019t funny.\n", "answer": "Ireland ... you guessed it... bad too. Today we were in a restaurant where neither my husband or i had an alchoholic drink. When the bill came it was on a small tray under 6 wine bottle corks for effect.I found that weird. I know the restaurant is really into its wine but it seemed out of place and trying too hard ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8uzp2d", "comment_id": "e1kbir8"}, {"question": "Reddit is NOT for Black women, I am not treated like everyone else all the time", "description": "Reddit is cool, it has subs for pretty much anyone. There's subs for things like Memes to places where you can have intellectual conversations.\n\nBut as a black woman, I have learned **Reddit.is.not.our.friend.**\n\nSomething that I found **discusting** is the sub for rating how people look. Very average looking whit women are rated high or average, but black women they say ignorant borderline racist shit. I've seen them list our skin color as to why we're below average. Men have said that our noses are ugly/nostrils too big and even to get surgery to fix that once. Also to \"fix\" and neaten our natural hair even though it was healthy and beautiful and nothing messy about it. But then if there's a black woman with straight hair I've seen them say we \"shouldn't wear weave\" or \"weave/wig is unattractive\", they don't even know if it's weave we have long hair too! The most beautiful model like black girl is considered ugly or below average compared to an average white woman on that sub. Black men are rated way better than us. Just say you like European features better! \n\nWhenever I have talked about my experiences with racism I'm always met with disbelief or the popular \"stop making everything about race\". But posts about white people experiencing \"racism\" (most of the time it's just that a POC didn't want to say hi or didn't talk to them) they get the most love and support and up votes I've ever seen :(\n\nThis is why I only really go on subs for Black men and women only, because I feel good about my blackness and I can be myself with people judging me. And people actually understanding my struggles anv not some white people (and some other POC) not believing it **just because they haven't personally seen or been through it**\n\nHonestly I might take a break :/\n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry they have ever made you feel less than. You wrote about your experience so eloquently. You clearly have a great voice and a lot to say. Maybe the right people just can\u2019t hear you yet! Keep your head up! I see you, girl! Don\u2019t let people through a screen, with their own insecurities, make you feel any less than the strong, brave woman that you are putting yourself out there!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aivo5z", "comment_id": "eeqxiho"}, {"question": "Should I go out with him again?", "description": "So I went and hung out with a guy from tinder, I thought it was a date but he called it hanging out and then we went for coffee and he ordered first then paid for himself and I still don't know how I feel about it. Conversation was so great, and i wasn't expecting him to pay for me but I thought it was a date. And I would've totally paid for him but the fact he wouldn't pay for me made me not want to buy his drink. He wants to hangout again but idk is that a bad sign???", "answer": "People that have played the Tinder game for a while are likely wanting to meet you casually first to see if there is a connection. If there is, then go on a date! I wouldn't read into it too much. If he wants to go on a date now that you have met, he will ask.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70eznf", "comment_id": "dn2oyop"}, {"question": "How do you ever feel comfortable in bed again?", "description": "I have PTSD which seems to be triggered by beds, among other things. This has been an issue for me for many years but it\u2019s getting worse again recently with a few added stressors. Has anyone been able to overcome this trigger? I tried asking my partner to get rid of the bed and sleep on the floor or a couch or pretty ouch anything else but they won\u2019t have it. I don\u2019t know what to do. I spend hours every night experiencing flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. I just want to be able to close my eyes and not be afraid of what\u2019s waiting for me.", "answer": "If you are able to go to a doctor, you might be able to talk about this and get on the medication \"Minipress.\" It is technically used for high blood pressure but it is also prescribed to people who experience PTSD-induced nightmares. There might be something else for you to try, but if it has gotten that bad where you have such a difficult time sleeping, I'd really suggest seeing a doctor for this.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "d1m24g", "comment_id": "eznjuxq"}, {"question": "10,000 days", "description": "Wow.  Here I am at the top of Keystone mountain in Colorado skiing on my 10,000th sober day.  I finally think I have lived more days sober than drunk/hungover.  \n\nTo anyone wondering how I did it.  I don\u2019t really know other than I know I totally surrendered and asked for help.  Recovery programs exist because they work.  \n\nIt sure is pretty skiing. I just wanted to post and say Hello and maybe be a bit of encouragement to someone that is still struggling.  \n\n\ud83d\udc4d\ud83c\udffcIWNDWYT", "answer": "Congratulations! I\u2019m wishing you many more!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "e9bk2p", "comment_id": "fai87tc"}, {"question": "2 years brokenup, am I depressed?", "description": "Ex and I broke up two years ago due to her having to move to a different country, I was 19 now we\u2019re both 21. I cut off contact in order to move on then two months later I caved calling her asking about everything and saying I still wanted her and would pay whatever it took to see her and she had already moved on. So again I cut contact and did everything in the books on \u2018moving on\u2019 I stayed busy, I blocked all her social media with no contact, didn\u2019t check up on her, put all our memories in the attic, deleted all our old pictures, focused on my career and spent time with friends and 6 months later.. I felt even worse. So I signed a job contract abroad where I was full on working with performers.. there I was in a beautiful country crying about my ex after 8 months. It\u2019s now been two years, she has a different boyfriend and she reached out to me to talk. I decided to be her friend as it helped ease the pain but I\u2019m finding myself getting my hopes up and wondering why she hasn\u2019t called etc. I put a post up last night asking you guys if you think we could get back together and everyone thinks it won\u2019t happen and that I should move on.. this hit me and since then I\u2019ve been in bed for the last 20 hours. It\u2019s like my body refuses to move on", "answer": "yes. please get help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77mq0m", "comment_id": "don4f2s"}, {"question": "How do y'all deal with shame-spirals?", "description": "How does everyone else handle getting stuck in negative self-talk?  On those days when all your coping skills collapse and you just...don't manage achieve even one of the goals you set yourself?  I'm in my thirties, have had the diagnosis for years, and despite that I still have so many days that end with me feeling like a complete failure and berating myself for still not having figured out how to exist with my brain issues.\n\nSo what do you guys do?  Wallow?  Or do you have some tips to defeating the Sunday-night-shame-spiral?\n\nTL:DR: So many plans on Fridays, so much negativity on Sundays.", "answer": "I just want to say how helpful this post has been. I got an email from work that pushed me into starting a shame spiral and I ended up on this sub looking for distraction but found this thread.\n\nI\u2019m glad I\u2019m not the only one that feels this way and struggles with these problems. It makes me feel less insane.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b7w62h", "comment_id": "ejvlnrk"}, {"question": "My Xanax has turned on me.. has this happened to anyone else?", "description": "Hi everyone, \n\nXanax has recently been giving me intensified feelings of anxiety instead of helping to combat them the way it used to. Has anyone else experienced the same? \n\n\nIn June of 2012, I was given a prescription for 0.25 mg Xanax to be taken as needed for anxiety. I usually started by taking half of one, then would increase to one full tablet if I felt that I needed to. I'd max out at 2 tablets (0.5mg total). This was almost always at night after work. I hated taking them during the day.\n\n\nIt was very helpful and I was careful with how I took them, though there were times where I'd probably take them almost every day for about a week, and then slowly taper off just to make sure I didn't develop a hardcore dependency on them. \n\n\nLast month, after not taking Xanax for about 6 weeks, I felt that I needed to take it again. My anxiety was bad enough that I took 0.25 mg right away. Nothing happened. An hour and a half later, I took another 0.25mg. I felt very slight relief from the anxiety, so I was eventually able to fall asleep. But then the weirdest thing happened: \n\n\nI slept horribly. I tossed, I turned, I woke up several times and also just felt a terrible sense of anxiety upon waking (even worse than before I took the Xanax). I was a nervous wreck. I thought that maybe my anxiety was just that bad, and simply dealt with what I was feeling (at great suffering and with many tears/lots of shaking and clenching of teeth). But then the next time I took Xanax after that, the same thing happened, so I'm convinced that my body is reacting poorly to the Xanax now.\n\n\nThese days, I might as well just take Xanax if I want to make myself feel worse. \n\n\nI'm not sure how to approach this, as I have to find a doctor closer to where I live and approaching a new doctor with the remark of \"Xanax isn't working anymore, is there anything else you can give me?\" isn't my idea of a very smart course of action. \n\n\nThis is especially true because I recently stopped being able to afford therapy due to financial issues, and I don't want to regularly be on antidepressants. Any feedback from fellow Xanax users? :( \n\n**TL;DR:** Xanax is making me a nervous wreck when it really used to help a lot. Has this happened to anyone else? \n\n", "answer": "Unfortunately, that tends to happen with Xanax and other benzodiazepines. They work great, but were specifically designed for short term use only. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1hy65l", "comment_id": "cazn8be"}, {"question": "Currently seeing a counselor, need to adjust my meds and don't want to go to a psychiatrist.", "description": "Title says it all.  I had a GP since birth who I recently left because he started charging a monthly fee.  Long story, but when I was with him I expressed an interest in seeing a psychiatrist.  He told me not to, because of certain tactics psychiatrists use vs. counselors.  He didn't want someone trying to get me on a cocktail of medications when I really only needed one and some good CBT.\n\nSo now I'm running out of Zoloft and I need to get my dose readjusted.  Do I go see another GP and tell him/her my situation and ask for a reassessment of my medications?  I'm on 25mg of Zoloft.  Without my meds I'm irritable, on edge, and anxious.  If I break my 50mg pill unevenly and take more than half I'm anxious, lightheaded, and can't stop zoning out.\n\nI know y'all aren't doctors and I need to see one, but I just need some form of feedback so I'll know what to expect.", "answer": "GP's aren't trained in psychotropic medications. Psychiatrists get years of extra training specific to psychiatric meds.\n\nIt is very irresponsible for your GP to advise against this. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y5nvp", "comment_id": "c5tbc05"}, {"question": "What are your Favorite Meals or Snacks for PCOS?", "description": "I have been doing the low carb/sugar thing since I was diagnosed, about a week ago, and my culinary imagination is getting dull. I don't eat a lot of meat, besides chicken and eggs for protein, and the whole salad thing is getting old. I know nuts are good but they get expensive. I'd like to hear what you ladies like to munch on!", "answer": "I find that a hard boiled egg is still pretty satisfying. I guess that's boring, but I find it reasonably filling and fine with just plain old salt! You can also make soy sauce eggs. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3jdbyb", "comment_id": "cut68qp"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "So sorry to hear this. Great decision in a tough time. This will be so hard without booze on top. Check in here when you can. Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "97m84j", "comment_id": "e4a63y0"}, {"question": "My therapist suggested I stop talking to certain people about the inner workings of my mind.", "description": "I have only told three people about my PTSD diagnosis, excluding you guys of course.\n\n1. My boyfriend of over 2 years that I live with. He is also my best friend and, honestly, the only one I've got as a support system.\n\n2. My roommate/friend- the closest person to me besides my boyfriend\n\n3. My mother- I thought she deserved to know.\n\n\nRecently, talking to my boyfriend about the disorder has caused a lot of conflict. I think aloud and often verbalize things I think to him just for the sake of sorting out what's going on in the jumbled mess of my thoughts. Often, he interprets this as complaining, me being self-centered, and as a personal attack on how he fails me. It's really not that to me at all. But when he responds negatively to me speaking my thoughts, I feel the need to justify myself and it turns into an argument. I don't want to be selfish but it's hard to think of anyone but myself when I constantly feel unsafe. Maslow's hierarchy, you know? I'll never reach self-actualization without first having security. Its also frustrating because I want him to understand what's going on with me and I know he tries to empathize, but he really doesn't have a clue. My therapist said to stop talking to him about it for a while. It reduces conflict and helps me come to terms with the fact that he will never completely understand what I'm going through. But I tell him everything! How can I keep something so important all bottled up and restrict communication in our relationship? That can't be good for the relationship, right?\nMy other friend isn't overly concerned with the issue and hasn't mentioned it again so neither have I. I'm fine with this.\nAs for my mother, my therapist thinks she may be a trigger for me and may inhibit my recovery. She's not the cause of the main trauma I remember, but she did attack me once while she was drunk a while back and I felt my life was threatened. It was the cause of me leaving home never to return. But now that I've told her what's going on in my life, she wants to meet and discuss. I dreaded doing this anyway, so maybe he's right about shutting my mouth on this one.\n\nWhat do you guys think?\n\n\n*edited for formatting", "answer": "FYI One symptom of PTSD in some people is poor boundaries and wanting to tell people too much, combined with subconsciously trying to reexperience the trauma.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "26x85m", "comment_id": "chvhvac"}, {"question": "Soy or no soy? What's your experience?", "description": "I am looking to hear people share their anecdotal/personal experience with eating soy in their diet or not. It's one of those foods that has mixed feedback in terms of is it good for PCOS/inflammatory conditions.  \n  \nPersonally, I am struggling to find the right balance in eating what makes me feel good. I have PCOS and endometriosis, and want to try to reduce inflammation through my diet. I had been a vegetarian for 8 years so soy became really common in my diet. Even though I am no longer a vegetarian, I probably only have 1 meat based meal a week, and then a variety of plant based proteins. I just don't love budgeting/buying/cooking/eating meat that much, but I think I feel better when eating lean meats + vegetables than I do when eating a soy heavy diet. Has anyone else experienced this? or the opposite? Or do you think it doesn't make a difference? Please share!", "answer": "I think this depends on your individual PCOS symptoms and experience. For me, someone with estrogen dominance symptoms, soy is a no go. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8j6j1n", "comment_id": "dyxhzdl"}, {"question": "Can I continue taking spironolactone while trying to get pregnant? 26F with PCOS and acne at full force.", "description": "For example, if I am taking spironolactone and find out I\u2019m pregnant, will it still cause birth defects if I stop taking it immediately after finding out? \n\nI am a 26 year old female and have PCOS. I am not a smoker. I am 5\u20192\u201d, 100lbs, pre-diabetic, and located in Dallas, TX. \n\nCurrently I am not on spironolactone but my acne has returned in full force, which is why I\u2019m considering retaking it. I\u2019m married and not on BC, which is the reasoning for possibly getting pregnant.\n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "I am not an ob/gyn. That said, the recommendation is to avoid spironolactone in pregnancy because of at least theoretical risk to the fetus, particularly a male fetus.\n\nI encourage you to speak to an obstetrician for more detailed information.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjx1rj", "comment_id": "evh2xgh"}, {"question": "Can I get water intoxication from drinking beer?", "description": "One of my buddies and I run a YouTube channel and he came up with this idea of drinking 24 beers (8 L), as fast as possible. Obviously it is a horrible idea and would result in excessive projectile vometing, but is it safe?\n\nMy main concern is water intoxication. I have seen people hit pretty hard from it during practice and such, and as far as I know it can even be lethal. But in all those cases, the people getting it was pushing their bodies to the limit while drinking huge amounts of water. \n\nCan you only get water intoxication from drinking pure water without any form of additives, or do you get it from drinking to much liquid in any form? \n\nIf my physical form means anything for the outcome, I am 192cm / 6ft 3\", 80kg / 176 lbs and in pretty good shape. I do not take any kind of medication or drugs. ", "answer": "Your concern is water intoxication?\n\nHow about severe alcohol intoxication leading to profound medical harm?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "573i2j", "comment_id": "d8p7fr7"}, {"question": "Is there any truth to \"face your fears\" or is that just a trope?", "description": "Specifically, is recovery or remission possible if one consciously and deliberately exposes themselves to their triggers or confronts their avoidance behaviors? ", "answer": "There are a number of evidence based therapies for PTSD.  Prolonged Exposure uses the face your fears method.  It works pretty well except many can't or won't tolerate it.  There is also Cognitive Processing Therapy which has two variations one with some exposure plus cognitive restructuring (learning new ways to think about your thinking) and the other with just the restructuring.  Both work pretty well.  I saw a journal article recently discussing how Interpersonal Therapy, which has no exposure component and mostly deals with relationships was just as effective a treatment as PE.  So it seems that there are a few paths that are helpful at least and not all include facing fears directly but some do.  Best to work with a qualified specialist therapist as none of these are standard therapies an average therapist can offer.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2zejry", "comment_id": "cpijkys"}, {"question": "Hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "This is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.\n\nBasically, I spent about a few weeks home from school when I was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). I had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light. \nI put on a movie (pirates of the Caribbean number three) and about half way through I had to stop. This was due to feeling very tired, and also because I found the TV too bright. Also, the scene where Jack Sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; I'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. They have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal HELL).\n\nAnyway, so I go to bed, and I vividly remember having a pirates of the Caribbean themed nightmare. It went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and I couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason I had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if I didn't, I would fall or something imminently bad would come if I let go.\n\nWhen I woke up, I couldn't breath properly, and I felt unbelievably afraid. I had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever I gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . Enough. It's really the only way I can describe the feeling - I had to grip something because if I didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and I felt like crying. Also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that I saw o the crabs. I remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - I remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. It felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if I didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears. \n\nSometime later, I \"came to\" in a sense; I found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, I didn't really process or know where I was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) I realised that I couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in I literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it. \n\nI managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that I couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. She told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. I waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. Within twenty minutes, I felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, I told her it was fine now, and I've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.\n\nCould anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? The more I write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. TBH, I just wanted to get this off my chest. \n\ntl;dr: I suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. I had this desperate urge that I need to hold on or grip something, and if I let go of any object, I would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. This felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when I \"came to\" I found I couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "Visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common.  Nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is THAT high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "e1w6uj9"}, {"question": "Finding a specialist who is willing to work with BPD patients (a saga, with a happy ending!)", "description": "Basically, I\u2019m in the midst of a mental health crisis. My BPD and CPTSD symptoms are back in full force.\n\nIt is near impossible to find a mental health professional that it\u2019ll take a Borderline patient. I was warned about this by my recent psychiatrist, that a lot of therapists will not take a BPD client, that many licensed therapists will not want to work with someone who is stereotypically manipulative and require a lot of dedication.\u00a0\n\nNot only this, but its near impossible to find someone who will accept my insurance. That\u2019s a secondary issue, though. \n\nI called SEVEN mental health practices in the area, to find someone who will take someone with borderline as well as issues related to trauma. A few of them were \u201cChristian counseling centers\u201d which is a yikes, but I\u2019m desperate. \n\nI am happy to report... that I found a place that\u2019ll accept me! \n\nAnd the appointment is in just a few days! I\u2019ll start DBT again quite soon. Hopefully this time the coping skills will stick with me. I\u2019m super dedicated to working on them and getting my life back on track!\n", "answer": "If someone is willing to diagnose both CPTSD and BPD I highly doubt they really understand either. Unless the BPD was fully established before any of the trauma happened, there is way too much overlap for a differential diagnosis to be accurate and specific. \n\nI'm really happy for you that you found someone to work with and I hope they really understand CPTSD enough to help you. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9dwtr2", "comment_id": "e5l2r30"}, {"question": "Flo Living", "description": "Anyone manage their PCOS with Alisa Vitti\u2019s Flo Living? Want to look into the natural way of doing things. Was on Metformin - did nothing, but make me sick. Spirp definitely worked, but don\u2019t want to be on it if I\u2019m trying to get pregnant. ", "answer": "I do. It\u2019s the only thing that\u2019s ever worked for me. Only way I\u2019ve lost weight in 15 years with PCOS. \n\nWhat you\u2019re paying for is access to a private message board community with access to their coaches, a set of 6 or 7 courses that teach you ins and outs of your cycle, balancing blood sugar, how to figure out what foods actually work in and support your body, what to eat when so that you\u2019re supporting your body in doing it\u2019s \u201cjob\u201d in each phase of the menstrual cycle. It\u2019s not some fad diet where you\u2019re paying for meal plans. \n\nThere is a definite new agey vibe despite much of it being quite clearly based in science. Yes, there are optional detoxes, but even those and meant to do things like support your liver so it has an easier time clearing the excess estrogen in your body or your digestion. We aren\u2019t taking gimmicky detoxes that get advertised on instagram. It\u2019s all food based so no juices or crazy lemon cayenne mixtures. I actually love the detoxes and do them a few times per year. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8m1oho", "comment_id": "dzka4l1"}, {"question": "Does my grandmother have bipolar disorder?", "description": "Since childhood my mom, father and sisters had experienced a difficult and conflictive grandmother. A cardiologist (even though he\u2019s not a psychiatrist) told me she had a bipolar disorder, and today I\u2019m guessing it makes clear sense. All the pieces fit perfectly for her as a bipolar person.\n\nSymptoms:\n\nObsessive tendencies with a specific topic: religion.\nTreats everybody badly with certain aggressive tendency and lack of consciousness and awareness of the others feelings.\nImpulsive behavior.\nManipulative behavior \nEmotional intrusive and abusive.\nMakes people suffer badly, not mattering about their feelings or thoughts.\nHas anger, anxiety, depression, crying intense episodes.\nHas a ideology, that she was sent by God to save the world, having a false sense of superiority, not being even coherent to the religion she\u2019s on. Also, she says she views Jesus and talks to him, which nobody believes cause she isn\u2019t a saint nor how I said, coherent on what her religion says. \nThe most suspicious attitude imo, is that if since she is an adult, anything that isn\u2019t done as she wants, she starts her anger episodes trying to offend people by hurting their deepest feelings.\n\nI know this isn\u2019t the way to seek help or opinions, but I\u2019m 17, and I\u2019m being tired of her attitude. Being aware that she\u2019s sick will help to tolerate her and understand a lot of wounds in our family.", "answer": "There's not enough information there for an accurate diagnosis of any kind (plus this is the Internet obviously). If you are noticing these patterns of behavior, perhaps bringing it up with your family/her and seeing if she could reach out for some help/actual assessment for a diagnosis if it's impacting the family negatively?\n\nBipolar Disorder is often misdiagnosed, and has a WIDE range of representations due to the nature of it. I'm also not entirely sure I would personally call someone going through Bipolar Disorder as \"sick\" except in the most extreme circumstances (as in, acute suicidal ideation or intense psychosis).\n\nYou are looking for an explanation as a means of being able to explain her behavior towards the family. In my experience, it doesn't make the sting of what someone does or say any less hurtful knowing that they are diagnosed with something in the long run. Targeting the specific behaviors and words she uses and explaining how those things affect you may be helpful.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cf908k", "comment_id": "eu870ff"}, {"question": "Blocked from ADHD reddit just for having the opinion that it's not an 'illness'!!!!", "description": "I mean I already knew reddit had a lot of closeminded smug assholes who are always, always right 'because science'. I just wanted to discuss ideas about ADHD that do not paint it as some kind of incurable brain disorder...I have different, empowering ideas about the psychological and even spiritual aspects of the ADHD brain...but they really, really seem so deeply invested in believing they are sick and that it is a physical 'disability', whats with that? No one was trying to take away their stimulants, I was only trying to discuss ideas that fall outside the norm. There have GOT to be people that don't accept whats been handed to them, who define themselves and their abilities on their OWN terms rather than accept whats in the DSM as fucking scripture, jesus. ", "answer": "I would imagine the problem you're having is that many people with ADHD have experienced stigma from not having people take what they're dealing with seriously. It can be upsetting to those people to have what they might perceive as challenging how they made sense of what has been causing so much distress in their lives, especially in a forum that is a safe place for them.\n\nThere is a difference between people seeing the issues caused by what is commonly called \"ADHD\" and assuming that people don't want to take their life into their hands and accept the DSM as \"fucking scripture.\" \n\nHowever, saying that people are \"invested in believing that they are sick\" is not going to make them want to listen to you. Certainly it is empowering to look at other aspects of psychology and the human spirit, but that doesn't necessarily discount the years of research by numerous scientists of multiple disciplines either. Referring to them as close-minded smug assholes is probably not going to help either.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2klix7", "comment_id": "clmt8st"}, {"question": "Still convinced I have appendicitis. (Already went to the doctor's)", "description": "So 2 days ago I woke up and had a sharp pain on my side. Yep. I know.   \nI thought it was one of those sharp pains you get sometimes when you breathe in, but goes away shortly after. It didn't.  \nI decided to give myself until the next day (yesterday) to see if it went away after I woke up. Nope. Still there.   \nSo I decided to go to the hospital just to make sure it wasn't appendicitis.  \nThey took my urine, blood, and I got an ultra sound done.   \nThey didn't find anything and the doctor said it was probably gas or a pulled muscle/nerve/etc.   \nI was prescribed Pepcid and the discharge papers said my condition was an Unknown Abdominal something.  \nWell I woke up today and the pain went from a 5 yesterday to an 8 today.(I haven't taken the medicine yet, I just picked it up earlier and it says I have to take it before bed)   \nIts a sharp pain on my right side, but in the middle. Almost under my ribs but not RIGHT under my ribs. Its definitely not on my lower right side, and they did the rebound tenderness test. I didn't feel a thing. However, if I poke just the *right* spot on my side, kind of under my ribs, I feel pain. No more intense than it already is.  \nI just checked again, a little lower, and I did feel some pain, but it was mainly pain around the middle area. And I also poked slightly above my hip bone more so to the right and there was some pain too.   \nMy appetite hasn't changed much, I was able to poop this morning and pass gas, and I can walk fine although it still does hurt but its not too extreme that I can't move at all.   \nIt hurts almost constantly. When I breathe, walk, sit, lay, change positions, etc. Laying down and not moving helps a little bit, but its still there and it still hurts. Especially with each breath. If I took a deep breath, it sends alot more pain shooting through my side.   \nAlso, Im not sure, but it does feel sort of like Im beginning to get a fever, like I feel warm.. but warm as in under my skin. My actual skin feels normal but it feels like a fever coming on although I don't think I have one.   \nI haven't vomited or had diarrhea, basically Ive had no symptoms of appendicitis other than this terrible sharp pain.  \nNow Im starting to think I ripped a rib hair (I heard that is extremely painful)     \nBUT, even though the doctors said Im basically fine, I still have some paranoia and I just want to double check. Misdiagnoses do happen sometimes, and Im hoping the doctors didn't mix up my ultra sound results with the other lady's that the guy was working on. Its just part of my OCD (I have excessive worrying and intrusive thoughts, not the \"need for shit to be organized\" type)   \nSo, do you think it really is gas? Or is there other things you think it COULD be?   \nAny type of help is appreciated. Thanks guys :)    \nAge: 26  \nSex: Female  \nHeight: 5'0 (5'1?)  \nWeight: 150  \nRace: White  \nDuration of complaint: 3 days  \nLocation (Geographic and on body): Right side (Middle area; In between ribs and hip bone)   \nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Mental illnesses (OCD and Anxiety)    \nCurrent medications (if any): None (Except the newly prescribed Pepcid)   \n\nEdit: Added basic info", "answer": "Considering how long its been now and your description of symptoms, my money is not on appendicitis. No doc here is going to conclusively say one way or another as we haven't examined you, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zk3qu", "comment_id": "d6wfuom"}, {"question": "Well that was a waste of time...", "description": "So, I've probably had depression and social anxiety for the past two years at least, but during the past few months it's gotten progressively  worse and today I had a really bad day. I ended up exploding in front of my parents and basically pouring my guts out about how I didn't have the energy to do anything and how hopeless I felt. \n\nAfter awhile they eventually tried to call the doctor's office to get me an appointment to see him...after 10 or 15 minutes of waiting on hold they eventually referred us to another mental health establishment and they called them and they asked to speak to me directly (I didn't really feel like talking to them). They asked me a few questions like was I feeling suicidal and had I ever been to a psychiatric hospital, I told them no and they said \"well, we don't do outpatient counseling, good luck\" and hung-up.\n\nSo now I'm basically disgusted with the whole system and I'm not really sure what to do now. ", "answer": "Don't listen to douchebag casperrosewater. It's perfectly normal to need your parents to help you right now. However, they might not really understand the severity of the situation or want to face it right now. Try again to see if they'll find someone, if not, you call. It's tough and the mental health system is difficult, but you'll find treatment. Don't give up.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "e0usq", "comment_id": "c14eqmi"}, {"question": "What shall I do with a big marble ball ~9in diameter?", "description": "Hello!\n\nI work in a relatively luxury hotel with a small amount of employees. Owner of the place has recently being gifted with two large marble balls. A man of such wealth and status wouldn't receive cheap ass fake or something like that - and he's dedicated his whole life to see into such things - luxury/antique/etc.\n\nHe was pleased but didn't want to keep 'em because his taste is different, so he asked me to take them. I took 'em (and almost broke my back doing so, heavy as heck). They are fancy and really impressive units but now I'm kinda low on money and consider selling those balls.\n\nThey are relatively big - I coulnd't seem to find analogues in the internet shops.\n\nAre they any good? Should I sell them?\n\n[https://i.imgur.com/IlXkdfn.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/IlXkdfn.jpg)  \\- link to the image of the ball.", "answer": "Ditto to garden art. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "aharcp", "comment_id": "eedtoqo"}, {"question": ":( embarrassed", "description": "I posted something previously asking for advice for asking someone to homecoming and they reponded by saying \"I am going to hang out with my friends, but I can save a dance for you.\" I am now embarrassed and it is going to be akward now. I am hanging out with my friends who all have girlfriends and I am going to be myself. Execpt for \"one dance\" This is what i get for trying something I havent done before", "answer": "You\u2019re good, man. Braver than 90% of the people who didn\u2019t ask or only asked a sure thing. \n\nOnwards and upwards and get that dance. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71nyh5", "comment_id": "dnc5ifi"}, {"question": "Can medication make you gain weight, or stop losing weight (staying same weight despite undereating) for reasons other than increasing appetite?", "description": "Edited to add: I know I have an eating disorder and that this is dangerous. I\u2019ve lost a lot of weight quickly, but I\u2019m still overweight. I am seeking help from a whole team (psychiatrist, counsellor, my gp, and I have to see a dietician) of people, but it\u2019s early days. My post is basically about why I would have a stall in weight loss when still eating a lot less than I burn. How does that work? Why does it happen and what\u2019s the science? Isn\u2019t just calories in vs calories out? \n\nFemale/in my 20s/100kg/178cm/white \n\nMeds:\n-  escitalopram 20mg for a few months\n\n- recently in last 2 weeks started Neaulactil (periciazine) 2.5mg twice a day after less than a week of mirtzapine (came off due to worry about weight gain. Psychiatrist said periciazine is not known for weight gain...but now I\u2019m not sure). \n\nAll newer meds happened within last 2 weeks since I started getting further help for anxiety and help for my recently diagnosed eating disorder. \n\nMedical; \n\nDiabetes type 2/hypertension now managed with lifestyle\n\nDepression/anxiety\n\nAtypical anorexia nervosa (lost over 100lbs since August through restriction. Recently started purging too - don\u2019t know if relevant). \n\nI\u2019m on new meds and my weight has stayed the same for 2.5 weeks, fluctuating the same kg. \n\nI\u2019ve had a few days of eating more than usual, but still never over my BMR and I\u2019ve only eaten over 1200 once, which is very unusual for me. My limit is 399 calories a day, but I\u2019ve probably averaged 700 a day last few weeks, which is a lot for me. But I have been exercising it off. \n\nWhy has my weight stopped coming off? It\u2019s happened before, but it felt different and it started losing again after like 1.5 weeks, and it didn\u2019t fluctuate this much. \n\nI\u2019ve never had water weight cause this. Logically it must mean I\u2019m eating at my BMR right? But I\u2019m not. I obsessively track everything I eat. The meds have caused an appetite increase I think, and I\u2019ve had days I\u2019ve eaten more than usual, but still under 1200 except for 1 day. And that\u2019s just a few days out of the last 2 weeks. And I exercise and track calories burned, with leeway as I know fitbits aren\u2019t super Accurate. \n\nI know of starvation mode and all that Jazz...could that be what\u2019s finally happening? \n\nI\u2019m freaking out, if it\u2019s not obvious. I do see a psychiatrist (just started seeing them after doctor was concerned) and already see a psychologist who knows all my eating stuff, and I\u2019ll talk to them this week. But now I\u2019m not losing weight I\u2019m paranoid  everyone will think I\u2019m faking the eating disorder and eating more than I\u2019ve said. I didn\u2019t even want the help that much, my doctor wanted me too. But now they\u2019ll think I\u2019m a liar. \n\nanyway, Any potential reasons for this? Obviously it\u2019s coincided  with the new meds, so im guessing they\u2019re the culprit. But why? And how? \n\nI\u2019ve considered water weight and starvation mode, in just not convinced of either. But advice appreciated.", "answer": "Obviously discussing this with your caregivers is the best advice I can give.It seems to me your anxiety is the real enemy here, not your weight.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7yyuo", "comment_id": "fihhvi1"}, {"question": "Gabapentin long term use", "description": "23 years old \nMale\nWhite\nUnited States\nSocial and Generalized Anxiety Disorder\n2 years \nCurrent meds: Gabapentin \nIn my brain \n\nIs Gabapentin good for long term use? My psych said it\u2019s a safe alternative so benzos and SSRI\u2019s. I read that is prevents the formation of new brain synapses. Is this true?", "answer": "There is a [paper from a decade](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19818485) ago that suggests it and a lot of hysterical press about that paper. It blocks synapse formation in response to a particular cellular signal. Any medication that has an effect on mental processes has to have an effect on the brain; it does not follow, and is not insinuated in the initial paper, that this prevention of synapse formation is a negative per se. The anecdotal but substantial evidence from widespread use of gabapentin is that it seems safe and doesn't prevent learning or cause other problems.\n\nOn the other hand, while benzos have definite short- and long-term risks, SSRIs are known to be safe and effective and have more evidence backing their use in anxiety disorder. Some of that is a discussion of risks, benefits, and side effects.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "at2qz7", "comment_id": "egyvzuq"}, {"question": "How do I know if someone is telling the truth?", "description": "I have a very hard time trusting people and what they say. I think compared to the average person I am much more distrusting of others. How do you know if people really mean what they say? How do you know if they\u2019re not just lying?", "answer": "There is no way of absolutely knowing if someone is lying to you in the moment.  You can only know after the fact if you find out concrete evidence to prove that what they said was untrue.  Even then, you don't necessarily know if they were just wrong or purposely knew they were telling you something that was false.  \n\n\nThis is where trust comes in.  Nobody is 100% honest all the time.  Generally, if someone says something and it turns out to be true, you grow to trust them more.  If they say something and it turns out to be a lie, you trust them less.  \n\n\nIt's safe to assume that not everyone is going to tell the truth all the time, but also that not everyone is going to lie to you all the time. You get to decide how trusting or skeptical you want to be of people from the get go.  After that, you get to decide whether to trust them more or be more skeptical of them based on how often you catch them in a lie and the significance of those lies to you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dq7f0c", "comment_id": "f610vnq"}, {"question": "Looking for a book to help understand", "description": "I recently had a serious relationship end, I believe due in large part to my partner\u2019s depression. I have been lucky to live a life that has been fairly free of mental health struggles, and don\u2019t feel like I have a good grasp on the way that depression effects a person, and their relationships. Our relationship ended suddenly, and without explanation, and has left me something of a wreck. \n\nI am hoping to find a text on depression that will shed some light on its effects, and help me understand what she was going through. Does anyone have any suggestions?", "answer": "Not a novel [but this is a good start](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx). Also has a short video.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "51mcgv", "comment_id": "d7d23i1"}, {"question": "[19/f] My boyfriend's (19/m) anxiety is killing our relationship", "description": "We have been together for nearly 2 years, living together for one. We moved in together to move from a small country town to the city so I could study at uni. Hes had axiety and depression prior to our relationship and ive tried to be as supportive and positive as possible. However finacial stress and arguements over chores, mess, etc have made it worse, and he's finally reached a breaking point and seeked medical help. But for the past few months I've been getting snappier and more stressed out, which isn't helping and is making me more and more unhappy. Im due to go back to uni in March, and my grades are already lower than id like due to the relationship and i can't afford for them to get worse. Should I leave him outright, ask for some space and move out or wait it out? Hes starting a new job in March, it just feels so cruel to leave in such turbulent times.", "answer": "he needs a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rfyz9", "comment_id": "dd6zmbt"}, {"question": "Am I [26/F] looking for problems in my relationship with [30/M]? Part of me thinks I'm fundamentally unhappy in this relationship.", "description": "My boyfriend and I have known each other for 10+ years. There was always chemistry, even if we lived miles apart, so we finally decided to take the plunge and do long distance. After 1.5 years of long distance, my boyfriend moved to my city. I don't have any family here and I am also relatively new here (only 2.5 years or so). \n\nWe've been living together since Fall 2016 and part of me feels like this is a huge mistake, like we couldn't be more different. I feel very stuck because he's given up so much to be with me (spent most of his savings, taken a way lower paying job (which he's very happy at), moved away from all his family and friends) and a few months ago we got a dog. But, there are things I just didn't realize about him when we were doing long distance. \n\nHe plays a lot of video games and games on his phone. He plays it when he gets home from work, when he wakes up in the morning, he listens to videos on twitch while he showers and while we're eating breakfast. I've talked to him about it and suggested we put on the news in the morning, and it only ever happens if I turn the tv on. If I don't do that, then it's twitch. And sometimes, I don't even want to have the news on, I just want us to talk. It makes me feel so alone in this relationship. \n\nHe also is so incredibly cynical and judgemental. I have an instagram for my dog, which he has mentioned multiple times he thinks is lame and doesn't care at all about. We were talking about dogs in our neighborhood and then I started telling him about this dog that follows ours (same breed but it got it's tail docked when it was first born). When we were deciding to get a dog, we ensured that the one we got kept it's tail because we thought it was cruel to dock it if it wasn't going to be a working dog. The other dogs instagram is based on how his butt wiggles because because his tail was docked as a puppy. When I was telling him about it, I said it in a very light-hearted joking way. And he was like \"Well isn't it sad how people are monetizing this on social media after this dog having been abused by cutting it's tail off\". And basically talked about how the owners are so irresponsible about not researching having/not having tail etc. He compared it to cutting the nose off of a baby... I wasn't justifying cutting the tail, but I was just sharing something because it came up in conversation. It just turned this perfectly happy and light hearted conversation to something so miserable. It feels so heavy to be around this all the time. \n\nI also love home decoration. I do most things on my own, but sometimes I just like advice or want to know if he's ok with something. We have a set of pictures that I wasn't sure I wanted to put in the living room or the bedroom and asked his opinion. He was like I just don't care, do whatever you want. And I just this feels small, but everytime I ask him his opinion, it feels like that's what he says. But then if I do something and he doesn't like, he'll make a snide comment. I get not being interested in my hobby, but he loves sports and sometimes he wants to watch a game and has no one and will ask me to go to a bar and watch it and I do. I'm happy to give him company and do something for him every once in a while. \n\nThese are just three things that happened in the last few days. He regularly snaps at me and can be rude. I'm not perfect, I have my fair share of problems which I'm sure bother him, but I've noticed that I am more pessimistic and sad in general since he's moved here. It's making me miserable. It feels like I'm looking for problems, for a way out, but equally, I feel like I need to give this a real shot because he's moved here and given everything up for us. \n\nI just feel so lost and confused about what to do. I love him so much, I've introduced him to my family (which is a big deal in my culture), I really thought we were going to have a life together, but I feel the longer I'm with him, I'm less sure. \n", "answer": "Do you get any time with him that you do enjoy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar4vl", "comment_id": "dhgqdxv"}, {"question": "Help with parents", "description": "So I'm 17 and my parents are sending me to IDTech camp which is a camp for computer science and tech stuff. The problem is I don't want to go. They want to send me because I'll be going away to college next year and they want to get me out of my comfort zone. I do have some anxiety, I get homesick, but it has calmed down. .I told them I won't be home alot anyways because I'll be working. I don't know what to do. The camp is at a college in Lake Forest, Illinois. Which is like 5 hours away. Help!!!", "answer": "just hold your ground and tell them you don't wish to go", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5zdbl8", "comment_id": "dex6q5a"}, {"question": "What are some possible consequences if I tell my therapist the truth about how I feel?", "description": "I currently see a therapist, but I don't feel like things are progressing. I think part of it is because I'm not being completely honest with her, and I'm scared to be. I've been seeing her for about a year now for my depression.\n\nWhenever my therapist asks if I have thoughts of self harm, I always tell her no. The truth is, I think of hurting myself often. I've thought about taking my life many times and have researched the ways to do it, but have never actually put together a plan. The one thing that always stops me from following through is my daughter. She is 6 years old. She is my light and my only source of happiness in this life. She is so awesome and amazing, and I could not bear to orphan her. Her father isn't in the picture. I have no idea who her grandparents are on that side. My own father is no longer alive, and my mother would not be a good fit to take care of my daughter.\n\nThe truth is, if I didn't have my daughter, I would likely not be here right now. The decision to leave this world would be so easy for me. But because of her, I stay and I work hard to keep a roof over her head and food in her belly. I work hard to make sure she has a happy childhood. I don't want to leave her alone to fend for herself. I was raised in the foster care system and I would never want that for my daughter. So I hang on to this life, no matter how miserable I am.\n\nI guess my question is... Can I be honest with my therapist when she asks if I have suicidal thoughts or think of self harm? I keep telling her no, and I think because of that, she hasn't been able to help me effectively. But I'm so scared to admit it to her, because I'm afraid of what could happen. I don't want her having me committed. I don't want to be separated from my child. I want to be honest about how I feel with my therapist, but I'm scared because I don't want to be taken away and leave my daughter alone.\n\nHow do therapists handle patients who admit to thoughts of self harm and suicide?", "answer": "I am never comfortable giving specifics about what a therapist will consider \"imminent risk\" because I am not your therapist and I do not have all the information about your case. This is not psychological advice. \n\nI will say that if we hospitalized everyone with thoughts of self harm or suicide, we would be hospitalizing a looooooot of people. A competent therapist should be comfortable talking about both of these topics (and probably does all the time). \n\nIn the clinics I have worked in, \"imminent risk\" would look something like, \"I have a specific plan. I intend to leave this office and kill myself. I refuse to safety plan with you about this.\" \n\nI will also note that it is completely fine to ask your therapist about this issue in the abstract. \"When we started together, you said that one of the reasons you would break confidentiality would be if I was an imminent risk to myself or others. What, specifically, would an 'imminent risk' look like? What are the types of things that might lead you to break confidentiality? If you felt that you needed to, what would you do?\" You having this information is a part of your informed consent to treatment; they should be able to talk about these issues.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "haw64f", "comment_id": "fv63p75"}, {"question": "I need a break from it all but I can't get away!", "description": "Let me start this off by saying that I suffer from extreme anxiety attacks when I get overwhelmed. I am capable on taking a lot on so it's not like I have a freak out if something small happens. \n\nLately there has just been too much going on in my life and it's starting to get to me. I have training that I'm not being paid for because of an incident in my past that relates to depression, and they don't want that kind of person in their staff, I have an ex boyfriend that doesn't realise I need some space from his and his depression every so often because he makes me feel like I'm a useless piece of shit that can't meet his standards, my family is on my back because I'm not able to get a paying job, and by god have I been trying. I am getting more and more depressed because the people around me can't seem to see that I can't deal with EVERYONE'S issues at once. I'm not a trained psychologist yet I have to listen to how everyone else's life is so shit.\n\nIt's actually become easier not being in a relationship and needing to deal with a controlling and depressive boyfriend every second of the day. He would wake up and immediately go on about how I am going to cheat on him (irony is he is the one that went after two other girls, while I'm the dumbass and stays single), and this goes on until 3 AM. My parents go on about college which I'm trying my best at but it's not good enough and I get frustrated and stressed which doesn't help anything.\n\nI am on anti-depressants and taking anti-anxiety pills to help me cope but short of overdosing to calm myself down multiple times in a day I don't know what else to do. I have spoken to my family and they are more understanding now than they were before, but I had to leave my boyfriend because he is constantly pressuring me to do things I do not want to do and when I try to make myself heard it's a case of \"Stop. Listen to me.\" \n\nI basically feel unheard, I can't get some alone time to just chill the fuck out and relax, I constantly have to be in a good mood otherwise it's an issue. And if I vent then that's a problem because I'm being childish and immature. I honestly don't know if I should just shut my emotions off and do what is expected of me. I have no means of taking a vacation since I don't have a paying job, and if I do it will be with my family, which defeats the purpose of getting some breathing space. Any suggestions to find a way to distress would be helpful.", "answer": "do you have a therapist or just getting meds from the doc?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68lz27", "comment_id": "dgzfxl7"}, {"question": "Does anyone else get the urge to go walk around late at night/into early morning when you know it\u2019s dangerous, Especially when sad or anxious?", "description": "Whenever I get really sad or anxious I always get the extreme urge to go walk. Never fails that it\u2019s 11 pm-3am ish. And I get the urge because I know something bad could happen. Anyone else do this? And anyone have tips for fighting that urge? ", "answer": "\"I know it's dangerous...\" \"I do it when I'm sad.\"\n\nPlease see a mental health specialist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9q13ub", "comment_id": "e86b21g"}, {"question": "I'm progressively becoming more and more unsure of my relationship.", "description": "I've been with my (20F) boyfriend (20M) for a little over a year. I love him so much, but not only in the past few months has my life in general hit a rough patch, so has my relationship. When we first got together I felt like I could look outside of my own body and see something beautiful, and warm. Now I feel like I see something that is becoming more and more corrupt. It feels especially like we've switched roles since we first started out together. He was going through a hard time (depression), and I had just gotten in a better place from suffering. It felt like he couldn't get enough of me, and I know I couldn't of him either. I was there for him, we were so happy. We NEVER fought, it was perfect. It felt like from day one we truly knew each other. It wasn't hard to become such a big part of each other's lives. Anyways, he was going through a hard time. Was all over me. Blah blah. I'm the kind of person who loves being close, physically and emotionally. And I'm especially the kind of person who nurtures people I love. If anyone I know had ever had a personal dilemma, they've always told me. I love helping people, and making them feel better. So I did that for him, or at least I tried my hardest. But now, within the past few months I feel like it's switched, I don't feel as good anymore, and it's my own fault for not ever telling him that, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what's happening. A couple of months ago, our fighting had reached a considerable peak, and he told me he doesn't feel happy with me. But part of me thinks he just said that for intensity. He said he feels like I'm always telling him what to do, but really every single thing that I ask he just flat out says no to. Then if I argue about it (which I admit, I'm quite stubborn), and get my way, then I feel like an ass. I can't win no matter what I do, or what happens. A few days ago, I broke down and told him how I feel. Really all of this that I've just said. He was amazing, he listened and for the first time in months I honestly felt like he truly wanted to be with me. Fast forward to last night, he fell asleep, and refused to get out of the bed so that I could wipe the crumbs out from the food I'd just had. He's extremely difficult when he's tired. Anyways, this is the kind of thing we fight about. Stupid things. My argument was pretty clean cut in my opinion; please get up for 20 seconds so that I can clear the bed so that I too can go to sleep. It's things like this, all of the time. Which is why I don't really see it as true that I'm so \"bossy\". I just feel like a bother to him most of the time. He can never give me a break on something. He doesn't see that I'm hurting and and help me the way that I tried to help him, but he isn't really good at that kind of thing so I can't completely blaim him. He says he'll try to be more flexible if I ask for things but thus far (as in 2 instances in 2 days) has not been true. I do love him, and he's my best friend. But lately it seems like he doesn't mind being apart from me, in fact he even wants it. I've been so afraid to think about the reality of the situation. It just feels like the more I think about it, it's him and not me. I feel like I need someone who's more like me, but I'm afraid to have another relationship just to find that all relationships eventually change in a somewhat negative way. If nobody responds to this, that's fine. I mainly just wanted to get this out of my head for a minute. ", "answer": "go to couples counseling. it works well for this type of issue.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o8dgh", "comment_id": "dchehoi"}, {"question": "How to talk to my doctor about depression/ suicidal ideations", "description": "20m usa. I've been feeling depressed for a long while now. Hopefully I can get an appointment today to see my doctor. \n\nI've been having suicidal ideations, basically just thinking about my death, thinking it might be the best option for me. ( I know its not, I haven't tried anything, haven't ever hurt myself or ever plan to).\n\nHow can I bring this up to my doctor???? These thoughts just keep popping in my head and its terrifying. I don't want to to seek help just to be locked away in a psyc ward.", "answer": "You can talk to your doctor, but I'm not going to mislead. There are doctors who are comfortable with suicidal thinking, and there are doctors who are not. The latter might be quick to try to dump you on psychiatry. Most psychiatrists in most places wouldn't hospitalize you for being depressed for a long time\u2014because it's often not appropriate treatment\u2014but you might waste time in an ER before a psychiatrist sends you home.\n\nIt would go better if you're clear from the outset that there's nothing you're about to do, just that you're feeling depressed.\n\nA psychiatrist would be the right kind of doctor to treat this and probably more comfortable with chronic suicidal thinking, but getting in to see a psychiatrist can be a very long wait.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hon69k", "comment_id": "fxj7vom"}, {"question": "Reddit, I'm feeling exceptionally forever alone tonight.", "description": "Help?", "answer": "I just searched reddit for \"forever alone\" because that's how I feel. Maybe sharing my story will help...?\n\nI've been feeling really alone at college lately and have gone out just once this entire semester. I forced myself to contact someone tonight and he told me to meet him and his friends at a frat house at 11. I showered, put on makeup, got all dressed up, and headed over there. I texted my friend and got no response. I went inside, asked around, couldn't find him. There was barely anyone there and the few who were were all freshmen. I left, still hoping to get a response. I drove to the bar where a lot of people hang out, but it looked pretty deserted so I didn't go in. There's 24 hour grocery store around the corner, so I went in and picked up milk and candy for trick-or-treaters... *Forever alone.*\n\nBut guess what? Tonight, we're alone together.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dyxiw", "comment_id": "c13yzw6"}, {"question": "Help with minor attachment/abandonment issues", "description": "I'll note, this is a very minor issue that needn't be taken too seriously: Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a month now (I'm 19, he's 20), and so far have shared a very supportive and healthy relationship we are both very happy with. However, I'm having a mild problem, which I'm a little embarrassed about- we both work long hours, so obviously we don't have time to be talking a lot; we still get in a good 2-3 text exchanges a day, including morning and before bed. Due to this, I text whenever I have time, and just wait out until he's ready to respond, which sometimes takes all day, and I tend to get depressed during the time I spend waiting. I never get mad or anything, and I feel pretty stupid for feeling the way I do, but I'm having trouble shaking it. I feel like it's something I just need to get over, but if anyone has any sort of advice for coping with that, I'd greatly appreciate it", "answer": "that could be a self-esteem and/or depression issue that you might want to talk to a therapist about.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75qfwa", "comment_id": "do84u88"}, {"question": "Should I consider therapy?", "description": "Hey,\n\nDon't quite know where to put this, and I'm aware this probably sounds like I'm either humble-bragging or being disingenuous, but I don't want my family to find out, and the big R was the first choice for asking about this, of sorts:\n\nSo, today, I had the luck of being one of the first responders in an emergency situation, and, together with others, I was able to save a life. This was a specifically cathartic moment for me, it seems, because five years ago, I was involved in a similar situation where first aid was unsuccessful, and where a person close to me died.\n\nSo, since the event, around 24 hours ago, I find that some of my everyday booboos are gone: Usually, my hands hurt after a day of work; today, they do less. I've had some tummy ache for probably a month; it's gone now. My bad knee is now my good knee; something like that.\n\nWhich leads me to the initial question: Should I consider therapy?  - Either I'm just getting off an adrenaline rush for the ages, or it seems there's really still \"some stuff in my basement that I need to move out\". Where do I go from here?\n\n​\n\nThanks!", "answer": "Give it a day or two. If you still feel like you need it, go. I don\u2019t think you are in a place right now to have perspective or to know whether these incidents have impacted you beyond the normal euphoria after such an experience.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bqnrq6", "comment_id": "eo6ho8w"}, {"question": "How many years does anxiety disorder(s) shave off your life?", "description": "Hi, majority of the time my heart rate goes up dramatically whenever I go out.Let's say that my heart rate fluctates between 80-100 when I'm at outdoors.How many  years that would cost me?Because I am sick of measuring my heart rate every ten minute to check if its normal or not.If it's taking 20 years or something I'm okay with that.Please give me honest answers.", "answer": "There's no one answer for this one.  Chronic anxiety and stress on it's own can take years off your life, but most of it has to do with the habits you form around your anxiety.  \n\n\nAre you smoking cigarettes, drinking, or using other drugs to cope?  Are you either foregoing meals or binge eating to cope?  Are you isolating too much?  Is your anxiety impacting your ability to exercise regularly?  \n\n\nThese are just a few example of ways anxiety can impact your health.  The consequences of these behavioral problems that can result from anxiety will do much more to take years off of your life than the feeling of anxiety itself.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "cjw8sb", "comment_id": "evh2bhq"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Just worry about yourself.  That's a good first step.  The only way you'll ever get over your anxiety is to put yourself in situations that trigger it.  You didn't die.  Now your brain will slowly but surely undue the connections in place that cause you to panic in these social situations, so long as you don't continue to catastrophize it.  \n\nDon't worry about your boyfriend or anyone elses reaction to it, but also don't expect them to go out of their way to help you.  This is YOUR fight.  Sometimes you'll make great progress, sometimes there'll be times that feel like a step backwards.  So long as you keep trying to face your fears and don't give up and hide yourself away in order to avoid your triggers, you win.  Best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6vsw0d", "comment_id": "dm2x4iw"}, {"question": "I accidentally scared him off. How long is appropriate before I try to make amends?", "description": "I was seeing this guy for about 4 months who lived in another province. I knew he was crazy about me before. He had just broken up with his ex of 2 years and was still dealing with some drama from that, and so I feel like I accidentally put too much pressure on things and overwhelmed him. I only ever tried to be really positive and supportive of him. But he got freaked out and ended things with me, and I hung up on him because I was too sad and upset to hear him try to explain his way through it. I felt bad and the next day I tried to contact him again to see if we could continue to talk about it and wanted to still be cool.. but I just got hit with the stonewall.. totally ignored and looked like a desperate chud. I decided not to bother contacting him again for a long time until things have settled down. My question is.... and guys help me out here because the anxiety is real.... how long is a good amount of time before I try to contact him again? I'm not trying to get back together with him necessarily, I just want to make amends so that things don't have to be tense and awkward anymore. I can't stand having this kind of tension in my life and I just want to like, shake hands and walk away peacefully. At the very least. It's been almost a month so far since we spoke last.", "answer": "a week or two", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f20q1", "comment_id": "dieuh2q"}, {"question": "11.1 wbc.", "description": "30/female 5'5 165 Caucasian. Meds: 1000mg Keppra, 100mg zoloft, junel fe birth control \nBlood work taken on Tuesday\n\nI had routine blood work done on tuesday and received the results today over the phone. Everything was normal, but my WBC was 11.1 and she said they'd test again in 6-9 months. I'm freaking out. \n\nMy blood work from a couple years ago was normal, but I've started a few meds since then (keppra for epilepsy, zoloft and birth control). Could any of those cause elevated wbc? A few days before I had the bloodwork done I had a weird seasonal allergy thing going on, very leaky eyes and nose, constantly sneezing. That lasted for a day or two and I typically don't suffer from allergies. Could that cause high wbc? \n\nDoes 11.1 indicate possible cancer? How common is it to have high wbc? I'm worried about waiting 6-9 months for more bloodwork, should I request it be done sooner? I'm very worried. ", "answer": "Normal WBC is, depending on the lab, something like 4-11. 11.1 is the minimum over normal. In most cases, it's also normal, off by a negligible amount. All automatic flags (high or low) by labs are set such that they over-detect rather than under-detect, so the lab flags that even though in almost all cases it's of no significance.\n\nIf your white count went from 4.5 to 11.1 over one month I might be more concerned, but even then I would suspect instead an infection, maybe even one so minor you didn't feel it. But in your case, you do feel something. High white count doesn't cause sneezing, but sneezing, if it's due to upper respiratory infection, can and should cause an elevated white count. That's your body normally mounting an immune response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fqgr", "comment_id": "ejd63z4"}, {"question": "My brother consistently looks at me like he hates me.", "description": " What can I do....in regards to this relationship. \n\n#  My brother consistently looks at me like he hates me. \n\nWe both live at home, I am generally the nicer one. He is very anti social, no friends, and has seemed unhappy depressed and angry most of his life.\n\nI can relate to the antisocial no real relationships bit, but i guess I act more cordial than he does. I can hold my own and be extroverted if i need to be.\n\nBut like just a few minutes ago i pass him in this house, he is two years older btw, and I mention something to him....just an antidote about my workday last week and meeting a radio dj we both used to listen to.\n\nI first asked him a question about how his school was going, then after started to tell him the story. He looks at me like i am scum of the universe. Like he freaking hates me. But then sort of begrudgingly sort of gives me , \"oh cool\"....\"ha\". And then proceeds to not talk further. He talks very monotone and just has this shit look on his face if you try and engage him in anyway.\n\nSome background...he was my bully growing up. Abusive type older brother, he was always picking fights, and often just totally abusive and cruel. We eventually grew up but he still seems to be an asshole. And he is that way toward everyone it seems.\n\nI dont talk to him or engage nearly as much as I would normally to someone i live with. Because he is this way....i often will not talk and just walk by. But it gets really trying and annoying.\n\nHe has once or twice brought of his personality and said 'he knows he is antisocial at times, but its not personal.' Maybe not....or maybe he just acts this way toward everyone so its indeed not specific or personal to one person but all people! I kind of dont buy the not personal.....like he is saying, its just neutral.\n\nAnyway....anyone ever known or lived with this.. Any advice.", "answer": "My best guess (and it is just a guess, as I don\u2019t know your brother and haven\u2019t assessed him) is that he may dealing with some issues and/or mental health symptoms that you aren\u2019t aware of. While some degree of social withdrawal/general assholery is to be expected in teenagers, it does seem like his behavior is on the more extreme end of that spectrum. Teenage boys in particular often outwardly express any kind of distress as anger, as our society doesn\u2019t teach boys that it\u2019s ok to feel sad or scared or some other type of \u201cweak\u201d emotion. We could make a million guesses at what\u2019s happening in his life that has led to his angry and antisocial behavior, but frankly it isn\u2019t your job to figure it out. You aren\u2019t responsible for his emotional well-being - that is for him and your parents to manage. And I get that it isn\u2019t something you can realistically ignore or avoid all the time, since you live in the same house. Have you ever talked to your parents about how he treats you, and how it makes you feel/the impact it is having on you? They need to hear that, and maybe need to hear it again if you\u2019ve brought it up in the past. You might also think about asking them to get you in with a therapist for yourself. It can be really good to have someone to talk to who isn\u2019t involved in the situation, and who\u2019s focus is entirely on providing you with support. It couldn\u2019t hurt to try! \n\nI hope things get easier for you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4f9ps", "comment_id": "es72ci1"}, {"question": "I am your wife, not a child.", "description": "You don't have to treat me like I'm a fucking kid, or like I'm stupid. You don't have to set my purse and keys in the middle of the living room and say \"You have five minutes to put these away or ____ (insert threat)\". You don't have to stand over me while I pay bills to make sure that I \"actually pay them\". You don't have to threaten me when I say that I don't want to do something.\n\nSeriously, you would not survive one single day without me, so learn to have some respect for your spouse or you'll learn how hard life is when you don't have someone around to do everything for you. \n\n\n**Update**: First of all, thank you everyone for the responses, support and advice. It really is helping me. I'm reading every comment and slowly chipping away at replying to them. All day I've just been checking on my phone, so it's been hard to write until now. \n\nAnyways, I just got home a bit ago and it's been an eventful-ish night. My husband and I went to dinner at my parents house. We're on our way home about to turn left onto our street and my husband (who wasn't paying attention I'm guessing) starts to turn into an oncoming car, almost t-boning him. He stops and the other car stops, then they both start going at the same time and my husband swerves into the oncoming lane, coming SO close to hitting this other guy. I gasped as an uncontrolled reaction, and he yelled \"shut the fuck up\" to me. \n\n\nAfter we got home, he slammed his door as he got out. I couldn't deal with him, so I just sat in the car. I didn't go anywhere because it was late, so the only place I could go really was just driving around. After about 5 minutes of just sitting, he came out and said \"OKAAAAY, what's wrong?\". I told him that I'm over the way he treats me and he asks if I want a divorce. I say \"No, I want you to not treat me like shit\". He responds with \"well, I don't know what to tell you then. That's just how I am\".\n\n\nSo, now we're both home. He's sleeping now. Today was actually really good up until that point. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard while we were at my parents house, I was reminded of why I'm still hanging on here. Then that happened and pretty much ruined it. \n\n\nI said somewhere in my replies that I randomly clicked a day on my calendar and set \"think about it\" as a reminder with the intentions of leaving that day if things weren't better. I definitely am going to stick to that. And I've looked up therapists in my area to talk to in the mean time. \n\n\nSo, we will see I guess. I'm going to bed now though. Tomorrow night I'm going to try and reply to everyone that I haven't gotten to yet. Have a good night, Reddit. ", "answer": "You know what, fuck it.  You should TOTALLY take the juvenile route.  Make up some idiotic rule (like always backing in) and enforce the fuck out of it.  Take his shit if he doesn't comply.  Throw a hissy.  Show him what it's like and be like \"I'm just trying to bring us closer by acting like you act.\"", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2aallt", "comment_id": "cit99z1"}, {"question": "Why serotonin?", "description": "This might be better question for an ask a psychiatrist subreddit but I saw there isn't one today but I thought it would be good to get the opinion of therapists on this\n\nI know when clients go through therapy, therapy can be accompanied by SSRIs/sertonin re-uptake inhibitors as medication.\n\nTherapy is important for working through a client's thoughts and belief systems but what does serotonin have anything to do with improving the mental well-being of a client?\n\nI understand influencing GABA(inhibitor neurotransmitter) levels for treating anxiety but why serotonin?\n\nI think influencing dopamine levels(via herbs, supplementation, non-addictive reuptake inhibitors)  makes more sense. Dopamine generally makes you feel better(pleasure)", "answer": "I agree with the other well thought out responses. \n\nYou are right that SSRIs only help about 30% of people . Still,  they are the starting point for several reasons. \n\nI am not going to repeat what has been said,  but you asked about studies. \n\n\nhttps://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4613-0381-7_5\n\n.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4728667/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5864293/\n\nhttps://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0269881117725915", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fiw0o7", "comment_id": "fkjtb7q"}, {"question": "Medication-induced seizure changed my life", "description": "Hello,\n\nI'm a 24 year old male who suffers from severe depression and anxiety (and Crohn's Disease, though that is less relevant to my question). 4 years ago I was on the antidepressant Wellbutrin, which made me feel somewhat like an emotionless zombie but stopped my severe depressive episodes. While on the drug, I experienced a Grand Mal seizure. I went immediately off the medication and have not had one since. The medication is known to lower the seizure threshold, so while the incident was surprising it at least made sense. What doesn't is that I continued to feel the drug's change in personality, a big lack of emotional feeling, long after the seizure and long after I was off the drug, and it remains how I feel today. I had an EEG right after the seizure which showed some \"typical\" abnormalities, but a later EEG and an MRI both came up normal. I've been on various antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds in the years since to little avail. Is there any legitimate explanation as to why having been on the medication and having had the seizure might affect me in this way and result in some sort of permanent neurological change? I understand that the mechanisms behind Wellbutrin and in some cases even seizures aren't perfectly understood, and I have of course talked to psychiatrists, therapists, and neurologists about this, but I would appreciate any input I could get.", "answer": "It's fairly unlikely that you suffered permanent damage from one seizure (I assume it didn't last too long).\n\nWhat's your antidepressant history? Maybe there's an alternative to consider.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yfq8e", "comment_id": "d6nsh7b"}, {"question": "I got BLACKOUT sober on Saturday night and woke up with a loft bed!", "description": "That\u2019s right. Was TURNTTT up on sobriety yesterday and spent 13 hours building a platform loft bed with 4 feet of storage underneath. Best hangover of my life!!\n\nHonestly, sobriety is awesome. I have way less anxiety, and I\u2019m learning to enjoy life again.\n\n[Photos of the loft bed!](https://imgur.com/a/KUJBSI4) ", "answer": "Pictures or we can't trust you were really that lit and wasted on motivation and follow through. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "au914b", "comment_id": "eh7nvux"}, {"question": "Type II", "description": "While I'm in agreement with the scope of posting here, I do find value in the observation of conditions relating to Type II personalities, the NPR, BPD, HPD, APD groups and the comorbidity occurrences. Having experienced trauma at the hands of some of these indiviuals, I ask, is some value found by any of you in the findings of psychology, versus it's practiction? Thoughts?", "answer": "Personality is a dubious concept. No one has fixed behavior in all contexts at all times. Behavior is complementary. The victimizer needs a victim and the victim roll isnt the least powerful position.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7gtp7i", "comment_id": "dqn4md8"}, {"question": "Am I being too dramatic for wanting to have my blood test done annually?", "description": "Age: 24. Sex: Female. Ethnicity: White. Height: 178cm. Weight 57kg. No medications, Non-smoker.\n\nMaybe it\u2019s a cultural thing. But I currently live in Germany and I just went to a dr. to ask for a blood test. She looked at me like I was out of my mind and got super confused. She didn\u2019t see why I would want it done if I don\u2019t feel ill or something isn\u2019t bothering me. My statement that my diet has changed drastically over the year didn\u2019t make any impact on her either.\n\nI felt so embarrassed that I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll go back to that clinic ever again. \n\nBut maybe she\u2019s right and it\u2019s unnecessary to get tested unless you feel unwell? At least that\u2019s what I did back in the states and it was considered quite normal", "answer": "Tests should be done for a reason. Unnecessary tests are more likely to provide false positive or false negative results - and either undue anxiety or complacency for the patient (and doctor).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhcw31", "comment_id": "fkacjtg"}, {"question": "Confused", "description": "I'm friends with this girl, we've been friends for years and there's been sexual tension and feelings building up for a long time... she's just come out of a long relationship and admitted she had feelings for me as I did towards her, we were seeing each other for a month, things were going great and just recently she's backflipped and said she doesn't know what she wants (she's got a lot of stuff going on her life, I believe she misses her dog the most and she's going through other stuff in her life aswell)... she's asked for some time and space which I've given her but I get the feeling everything has changed, we get along in every aspect, I truly believe she's my soulmate it's just bad timing on how everything had happened (she's also said the same).... how long should I be waiting?? She is definitely someone I see myself spending my life with!!!! Please help lol", "answer": "I would keep your eyes open for new people, but stay in touch with this girl. You don't want to close the door to others waiting for someone who may never be available.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vmaoa", "comment_id": "dm1bwdz"}, {"question": "The song of my people", "description": "Air Traffic Controller - Hurry Hurry is basically the ADHD anthem. It's even bouncy and fast enough for my brain! (favourite running song)\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmHmcpvD8Xo\n\n\n*And on my way to seize the day, I start to think \nDid I leave something on the counter by the sink\ncheck my pockets, nevermind\nHurry hurry there's no time*\n\n*I say let's work, but i'm the jerk, who's late again\nAnd they know well that I was up til 4am\nThis should be easier I guess\nhurry hurry what a mess*", "answer": "LOVE THIS SONG NOW! So what I feel like every day haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "62yz3g", "comment_id": "dfsb19r"}, {"question": "Watched a man presumably die at the movie theater", "description": "Hi all, hope this is the right subreddit to be posting on. Need to speak of this and get some advice. yesterday my mom (56f), dad (60m) and I (24f) went go to see a movie since we all had the day off for holiday. As the movie was started, I noticed a middle aged woman crying and grabbing her husband. A second woman was on the phone with 911 telling them the man wasn\u2019t breathing. I was the first to notice among most of the people in the theater as the previews were so loud. I calmly told my parents that there was something serious happening right in front of us (slightly diagonal and in front, I was the closest). Soon everyone started to notice and everyone jumped into action. The lights were still down and a nurse and doctor in the theater helped move the man onto the ground to perform CPR. My father was helping clear people away, and my mother was holding the wife and turning her away from her husbands body. They needed light and I was closest and I turned on my phone\u2019s flashlight and shined it on the man. All I could then see was his dead eyes slightly opened as my flashlight shined on them and his body being aggressively pounded on by the medical professionals. Then, he started to vomit and as he was pounded more his vomit came out more and his eyes still open and lifeless. The nurse and doctor kept saying there was no pulse, no pulse. Finally, the lights came on and the paramedics arrived. We were all whisked out of the theater but my mom stayed behind with the wife. I sat outside and my dad went to go smoke in the car from the stress. I then watched the man be furiously rushed out with the wife following being escorted by a paramedic as well. \n\nWe went home (parents dropped me off at my apartment) and at first when I was finally alone I cried and shook and cried and then threw up. My mom tried to call me but kept talking about the wife and I just didn\u2019t want to speak. To anyone. Then, i just sat the rest of the evening staring. I tried to turn on the TV but couldn\u2019t focus. I kept thinking about the mans eyes and the vomit and his body lifelessly convulsing as the CPR was performed. Last night I slept a bit but just couldn\u2019t stay asleep. Had trouble falling back asleep. My mind was just not tired. \n\nAll day today I have felt extremely distracted and weird. Not sure how I feel. It\u2019s good to note that my parents did not witness what I witnessed as my father was getting everyone away and my mom was comforting the wife turned away with her. I had to focus my light directly on him while everything happened. I have never seen something so horrific in my life. And my parents aren\u2019t a ton of help, because they are talking more about the empathetic point of view while I just keep having these images in my mind. I\u2019m not crying today or shaky but I sure don\u2019t feel good. \n\n         As someone who\u2019s never been through this shit, what should I do? What should I expect? What is normal? I still have no idea if the man was ever revived or if he is officially \u201cdead\u201d. I don\u2019t know if knowing would even phase how I\u2019m feeling.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry. That is so hard to experience. I am so glad you and your family were there to help in all the ways you did.  It\u2019s always scary and jarring when illness/emergency/death cross our path on what was just another day of us just going about our business. I\u2019m glad your family was there for them.", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "c9icn1", "comment_id": "eszi7pr"}, {"question": "Tips on how to talk to someone\u2019s you\u2019re interested in over the phone?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "My overall tip would be to just don't do it.  If you're interested in them, don't stall and be unclear with your intentions.  Ask them to hang out in person to do something you both enjoy (or would) enjoy.  Once you have more a relationship or friendship established you don't have to make up awkward things to talk about on the phone just to talk.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "diq78g", "comment_id": "f3xiw76"}, {"question": "\"The Patriarchy of Alcoholics Anonymous\"", "description": "An important voice, from the most important paper on the planet:\n\n​\n\n [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/27/opinion/sunday/alcoholics-anonymous-women.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/27/opinion/sunday/alcoholics-anonymous-women.html)", "answer": "This is crazy to me. Do you really think all men are exactly alike, and AA is only effective because they have massive egos due to white privilege? Because that\u2019s the only way your argument makes any sense at all. Seems to me that men are actually...get this...not just all cavemen without different thoughts and feelings, or from different socioeconomic backgrounds. Men in AA I have run across vary tremendously. Some have suffered tremendous trauma and abuse their whole lives and drank because they too felt powerless. Others have drank because their families would not accept their sexual orientation or gender identity. Still more drank because they have lived in poverty their entire lives and didn\u2019t feel like they would ever be able to get out of it. How any of those examples are individuals with too much power and need their egos smashed escapes me. Somehow AA was the difference in their life. Wonder why? Maybe because your lengthy description of how AA works based off of the founding members may be short sighted and extremely simplistic. The many, many women I have met that have not only gotten sober through AA, but had their lives completely turned around, swear by AA. Why is that? This idea that AA takes power away from women or anyone else is absolutely false and ignorant. It is also very dangerous as far as I am concerned because people like you could turn another woman away from the program before they even give it a shot, or have them going into it with preconceived notions. That\u2019s messing with someone\u2019s life as far as I\u2019m concerned. \n\nAlso, did you honestly just suggest using  Psilocybin for recovery to from alcoholism? Seriously? Another thing is that if you look at the 12 steps, and the work that is involved with them, you would see how it actually uses many of the techniques and theoretical underpinnings of CBT (albeit unintentional). And MAT for alcohol use disorder is far from effective alone. Some of it helps with cravings for some people...that\u2019s about it. It basically may help with cravings in the beginning, but they do not do much for long-term sobriety. The Sinclair method claims great success rates, but it hasn\u2019t been accepted in the US by the FDA as a legitimate use of naloxone. AA helps you to see things differently and learn to manage everything that life throws your way. CBT deals with catastrophizing and rationalizing a lot, and teaches you to challenge these maladaptive thought patterns, and eventually reframe them in a more positive and realistic manner. AA does this as well, only in more detail in my opinion. \n\nYou seem to be quite intelligent and well read given the content of your post; however, I could not disagree with your premise or your overall point more strongly. I think it\u2019s dangerous and uninformed, and believe you are making assumptions based off of the few founding members of AA. This could be leading people who would benefit from the AA program away from it before they have even tried a measure that could literally save their life. I find that to be reckless regardless of the motives you may have behind it.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "egujlw", "comment_id": "fcavl2r"}, {"question": "Hair loss help!", "description": "Hello ladies! I've been browsing for some informative hair loss posts but haven't found much.. so I was wondering:\n\nHas going on birth control helped manage hair loss?  (Just started lo -ogestrel myself and hoping that helps out )\nWhat has and hasn't worked for you?", "answer": "I'd like to know this, too!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4196ua", "comment_id": "cz0l34v"}, {"question": "Anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something I either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "It's like I have the thought of doing in my mind and I'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! I now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore. \n\nI think it's partly because I don't want them thinking I did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "I started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now I thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. Lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "gde342i"}, {"question": "Prilosec acting like an anti-anxiety/anti-depressive? I know that's not common", "description": "Age 25/195lbs/6ft 5in/White/Started Prilosec a few days ago.\n\nThank you that gave input on my post a few days ago, I have really appreciated it. However I have a question about the side effects of prilosec.\n\nI have already done research, and I am aware that it can deplete magnesium levels and other vitamin levels over a long period time. i read complaints of headaches/dizziness/ and most interestingly cognitive changes.\n\nYou see, I typically have headaches quite frequently, its sort of a burning sensation and the prilosec has helped immensely rather than making them worse. Thus i assume the headaches were caused from the constant burning in my gut.\n\nNow the interesting thing is.. It has effected my mood in the opposite way of which I have read most posts. It isnt exactly causing confusion, or cognitive difficulties.. rather it has improved my mood?\n\nI have been feeling very calm, collected, the constant headaches make thinking much clearer. I feel happy, its having almost an anti anxiety/anti depressant effect on me which is the exact opposite of what ive read in its possible side effects.\n\nIt is not a problem at all, I love it. However im curious as to why it would be effecting me in such a way thats totally different from the norm. Yes, I know that everyone experiences different side-effects and no ones body chemistry is the same.. Id love some ideas or theories for me to think about. Its very interesting and fascinating to me\n\nTL;DR: Prilosec is lowering my anxiety immensely, improving my ability to think, and causing anti-anxiety/anti-depressive effects. I know this isn't common, what would some possibilities be for these effects?", "answer": "Physical discomfort is bad for mood. If you're in less pain, it stands to reason that you'd feel better. It's also commonly the case that physical sensations that mimic the sensations of anxiety, like chest pain/burning or headaches, can act as triggers for anxiety; by cutting off the trigger, you feel better.\n\nWhatever the mechanism, I'm glad it's working for you!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8k0jzq", "comment_id": "dz3ymj1"}, {"question": "How can I make my relation ship work when me and my GF have different political views?", "description": "It's becoming a problem and it's getting worse. I don't want politics to be our fall off (especially today's politics), but it seems that every time politics come up it ends in her not wanting to talk to me ", "answer": "different political view are different VALUES. if you care about YOUR values, and his are very different, the relationship can't work.VALUES are who we are. it's the strongest core feature of any relationship...firneds, lovers, spouses...you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66aar0", "comment_id": "dggug0f"}, {"question": "Is it ok to have hallucinations right after waking up?", "description": "I'm 21, male. It started a year ago.\nI would wake up in the morning or the middle of the night and think that clothes on chairs or couches were people. They were mostly speeping to and as I was sleepy I'd just get back to sleep without reacting. It rarely happened but then started happening more often. Lately it happens once every two weeks or so. Yesterday I woke up from a nap and thought a friend was there and talking and I was naked so I rolled into a blanket and today a similar situation happened. Sometimes I wake up during the night because I hear people talking in the other room and I'm annoyed but then just go back to sleep.\nI think it's because I still have the dreaming process happening after waking up so I hallucinate. Maybe my brain produces more DMT?\nI'm not worried about it, I just find it very interesting and I'm pretty sure it's not normal so I'd like to know more.\nEdit: Looks like I have a condition(?) called hypnopompic hallucinations. Fun times!", "answer": "You beat me to it - yes it sounds like hypnopompic hallucinations, which are normal.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6jvf2a", "comment_id": "djhcmxb"}, {"question": "How do I stop falling for narcissists?", "description": "Hi, I\u2019m a 20F and I\u2019ve fallen for two guys that are (what I think are) narcissists in a the span of a few months. One was more covert and the most recent was more overt. My mom is also a narcissist. (Many people around me who know my mom agree that she is a narcissist). I feel like an idiot since I keep falling for this type of person. How do I catch the warning signs of narcissism early? I just started seeing a therapist so I do feel like some of this will work itself out in time. I\u2019m just curious if anyone knows why this happens.", "answer": "I\u2019ve been in this pattern before as well. The narcissists I\u2019ve ended up with in the past were also very manipulative and emotionally abusive.  \n\nWhat do you think attracts you to these types? Also, are you more of an empath? Are you someone who over looks some of the negative behaviours of your partners/sees the good in them and their potential? \n\nThere\u2019s some interesting articles about empaths and narcissists.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejz1wb", "comment_id": "fd4381y"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Am I correct when assuming you have no history of heart disease and in your direct family there have been no young (<50) serious cardiac issues? No medication? No drugs involved?\n\nPanic attacks are more common then new heart rythm problems at your age, and what you describe could be a panic attack.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhavrv", "comment_id": "fka39l6"}, {"question": "How organized are you guys?", "description": "How organized are you guys and how do you guys approach organizing?", "answer": "I became organized after an old boss of mine told me I could not trust my brain, that I HAD to write EVERYTHING down. She was really helpful in me accepting and understand how to work with my ADHD. I use a passion planner and I write tasks down in my weekly to-do lists and I need to have a view of my whole week so I like their weekly spread layout.\n\nI also use the location based reminders on the iPhone. I constantly have reminders pop up in places when I don\u2019t even remember setting them \ud83d\ude06 \n\nI will occasionally do a big brain dump and write down all the tasks/ideas/ stuff that gets clogged up in my brain and causes anxiety (that\u2019s after avoiding it for a week by playing video games) Then I go through and categorize them by putting them on a task list, an idea list written in a journal or on a calendar for a later date. \n\nThe system from www.adultaddsuccesstools.com was incredibly helpful in teaching me about organizing and I highly recommend them. The daily planning pad was integral and it took me a while to get consistent but once I did it was like something clicked.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "91lzw1", "comment_id": "e3f5abi"}, {"question": "Just left an inpatient facility after being Baker Acted. I initially had voluntary committed myself, still got baker Acted though. A PSA.", "description": "Basically, be very careful about which routes you take when reaching out for help for suicidalal thoughts. \n\nI live in FL, where the Baker Act is legal. It isn't in most states. Basically it grants the state to automatically holy you for psych evaluation for 72 hours. It permanently stays on your record. \n\nThis happened to me AFTER I tried to check myself into an inpatient facility and was told I had to be \"medically cleared\" before they would admit me. So I went to the ER where I was stuck by tons of needles, hooked to an IV and fed benzodiazepines. Twelve hours later they say they only have a bed at a different facility and they have to baker act me to make sure I show up there from the time I leave the hospital to the time I arrive, so they put me in the back of a police car and escorted me there. It was a nightmare. The facility was basically 15 years behind modern health care. I feel re traumatized. But I'm out now and that's what matters. \n\nJust be careful that you don't end up in this situation. Learn your rights and your options. ", "answer": "If you plan on killing yourself, though, I don't see this as wrong. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5uv3uo", "comment_id": "ddx7ypb"}, {"question": "Thinking", "description": "I\u2019m thinking death by a cop doesn\u2019t sound so bad. I\u2019m drunk with a gun in my hand don\u2019t know what to do maybe just pull the trigger or go for a drive.. drive in to a tree doing 100+ mph or drive off a bridge I\u2019m so fed up with life and all the bullshit it brings maybe run a bath and run electricity to it.. at this point I don\u2019t even care anymore.. I don\u2019t want to be here anymore. Maybe just maybe I won\u2019t wake up tomorrow.", "answer": "Please go to an AA meeting. They can support you.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "bksusu", "comment_id": "emljp76"}, {"question": "Has anyone gotten back together with an ex and not regretted it? [22/f] and [23/m]", "description": "I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a couple years and am not sure if its the right decision. I eventually ended the relationship a few weeks ago because of lack of effort he put in and I didn't feel like he was interested in me anymore for the past few months. We have been talking a lot recently and I'm wondering if getting back together would be worth it, because I do care about him a lot and loved being with him when he put in effort. I feel like even though we had been dating for awhile, we are still so young and there definitely still needs  to be effort put into a relationship. So basically I'm just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences or has gotten back with an ex and it ended up working out. ", "answer": "I broke up with my wife in 1968 when I was 16. I wrote to her 10 years later and we've been married ever since.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76z49c", "comment_id": "dohx7g5"}, {"question": "How to deal efficiently with mentally ill persons?", "description": "I am a corrections officer in PA. Since all the mental hospitals except for like 4 in this state have been shut down due to funding, all the crazies are being sent to jail. I work at a county jail so we get them right when they first come off the street. Many have drug problems. Actually, most of them. \n\nWe have precautions in place to protect staff, other inmates, and themselves from harm. We get lots and lots of bipolar and schizophrenic people in here. We usually place anyone we feel is not all there in the head on a suicide watch. Suicide watch 1 and 2 levels. A level 1 is to be checked on every 5 minutes and only allowed to have a suicide smock and suicide blanket. That's it. No socks, panties, nothing. Level 2 are to be checked on every 15 minutes and can have a normal jumper, a pillow but no pillow case, and a normal blanket.\n\nThey are both locked in at all times. Only allowed out to shower on 1st shift. Level 2's are allowed a phone call. Level 1's are not.\n\nAnyway, we have people in here on levels because of their mental illness who will flood their cells, scream all day and night, bang on the walls, floors, doors, throw poop/pee, smear poop/pee on the walls and themselves etc. Some have tried to kill themselves before. They all seem to hallucinate and have no touch with reality. Many believing that someone or something harmful is in the cell with them and trying to get out. Let that be a person, an animal, poison etc. \n\nI feel bad for them because they can't help that they have this condition. However, the ones that act crazy like this are refusing their medication for one reason or another. Many times it is the belief that we are trying to poison them. Paranoia is apparent in almost all of them.\n\nThey will ask and say bizarre things. Such as saying they are not in jail, that there is an animal in their cell, playing in their toilet, thinking that animals live in their toilet, etc. \n\nMany times I try to soothe them. Like if they are freaking out over a dog being in the room barking. I'll tell them that there is nothing in there. Sometimes this works but most times it does not. It will just turn into some other irrational fear. \n\nThe best thing to do I believe is to try to soothe them but if it doesn't work then just ignore them. All the other CO's suggest doing the same thing. Ignore them and they will stop eventually. \n\nIs there any other advice you can give to me that will help in dealing with these people? Sometimes they are dangerous and there have been times when they have attacked CO's and had to be tasered or pepper sprayed. Obviously caution is needed when dealing with any inmate but it is wise to be even more concerned when dealing with crazies. Any advice is welcome and appreciated. \n\nJust a note, I am not mean to any inmates. I treat them all with respect like I would treat my own friends and family. I don't have a mean bone in my body but sometimes I do find myself very frustrated with inmates when all they do is yell/scream/bang all night and day. They disrupt the whole housing unit and make other inmates irritable and want to fight. Sometimes I wish the lieutenant would just tase them or threaten them so they stop. This method has worked a few times. \n\nThe LT will come up and aim the taser at them. The inmate sees the red light and realizes that they are in trouble. The LT tells them if they don't stop that they will be tased. Usually they stop. However, sometimes, there isn't enough cause for the LT to get involved. The inmate must be harming themselves or others or causing great destruction inside their cells like barricading themselves in, breaking things, etc. If the inmates don't go too extreme there is nothing we can do but deal with the BS.\n\nThey really do make work stressful when they are causing chaos because I can't do anything else but deal with them. and the other inmates get angry because their needs aren't being met.", "answer": "First, it might be helpful for you to try to remove the term \"crazies\" from your vocabulary. \n\nIt might be worth it to see if your unit could look into pursuing/receiving training in working with the mentally ill. Perhaps a local NAMI chapter would know more. \n\nUltimately, prison is likely the worst environment for someone who is a acutely mentally ill as it is extremely stressful. I wish you the best of luck and am grateful that you care.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4frpzk", "comment_id": "d2cotgg"}, {"question": "I can't stop thinking about my bones being crushed.", "description": "It's hurts just thinking about it but I can't stop. This is part of OCD right? Does anyone else do this?", "answer": "I have that same type of intrusive thought, except mine is more about me accidentally crushing others\u2019 bones.\n\nAhhh I hate these thoughts. And they wax and wane in intensity, but lately they have been strong and frequent.\n\nSorry you are going through this!", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "az82pv", "comment_id": "ei5yavk"}, {"question": "anxiety about bathrooms?", "description": "This might seem like a weird one, but I wanted to see if anyone else struggles with the same thing. I\u2019ve got a lot of bathroom anxiety, and start to freak out if I\u2019m in a place without a bathroom. Like most of us, my stomach is super reactive to how I\u2019m feeling and being anxious about whether there\u2019s a bathroom or not makes it worse. It makes long car drives super hard. To make matters worse, I live in an apartment with one bathroom and I get very stressed out when my roommates shower because I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll have to use the bathroom. Sometimes I get the feeling of needing to go, even though I\u2019ve just gone. \n\nI dunno, I just want to be able to do normal things without feeling like I\u2019m going to lose it if there isn\u2019t a bathroom. It sucks, y\u2019all. ", "answer": "I've had this for about 10 years now off/on. Started after a severe case of bacterial diarrhea and since I've had panic attacks and anxiety regarding bathroom availability. I've done some research and though it's not a recognized phobia like emetophobia, it's pretty common. I've talked to a few people that developed it just by learning about it as a worry (and because their own anxiety was really bad and looking for new worries). \n\nBreathing exercises and self talk have helped more than anything else though I'm not going to say that I'm turn down an Ativan while flying or a long car ride with a bunch of people I don't know. \n\nFor me at least, a huge portion of the issue is an unreasonably fear of what will happen if I don't make it, though I (almost) always do and though I've pooped in a plastic bag a few times, I never burst into flames while being mocked, which is what my body believes is going to happen. \n", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "af5etv", "comment_id": "edw72r0"}, {"question": "All I Want is to Just Be Halfway Decent at Something for once", "description": "i know that I'm just going to hear that i need to practice and it'll come! but it never fucking does. I'm shit in all my classes, just bullshitting them to pass. so  i try to focus on my music, but whats even the point if I'm never gonna be good enough to make it anywhere? like music is my degree rn, and I'm useless at it. maybe ill try hanging out with people, socializing used to help! then i realize how shitty and degenerate i really am. all i do is compare myself to everyone else but everyone else is doing so much better than i could dream of. I'm too poor to afford any sort of self medication too so i fucked in that regard. and on top of everything else, at the end of the  day i just want to sit down, play a video game and relax. but i cant fucking do that because I'm too fucking childish to enjoy anything. i just get pissed and throw a fucking tantrum because I'm no good at that either. and i have enough self awareness to know that that just makes me an even shittier person. like what kind of useless piece of shit wants to cry because he lost a video game. I'm not suicidal or anything, but god sometimes i wish i were dead", "answer": "2 problems that I can see off the bat reading this that might be worth more introspection.  \n\n1.  You're doing these things for the wrong reason:  Lets look at music (as I'm a musician too, avid video game player, but let's stick with music for now)  Whether you completely suck and are picking up an instrument for the first time or you're a virtuoso, music should be fun and enjoyable.  If you enjoy what you're doing and the process of working to get better, you will and you'll be happy for it.  If your main reason for playing is \"to get really good\" than you will neither enjoy it or get really good.  \n\n2.  The next is the ruler to which you decide to measure yourself.  Whether it be music or video games or whatever, no matter how good you get, there are always going to be people both much better than you and much worse than you.  If you have the mindset of \"if I just got beat or I see somebody I'm not as good as so I must suck\" you'll never be happy or have the motivation to get better.  \n\nLastly, practicing upping your frustration tolerance is going to go a long way in helping you.  Unless you're pre-teen, you shouldn't be throwing controllers, yelling, or crying about a video game.\n\nI would suggest talking to a therapist and/or psychiatrist about what's going on for you.  It's also possible that you may suffer from undiagnosed ADD which could be contributing.  The inability to stay focused on a goal and propensity to seek escape through video games may be an indicator of this.  \n\nHope this helps!  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)   ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80ewhv", "comment_id": "duv9643"}, {"question": "I (27/f) want to tell my partner (28/m) how I feel without crying but that seems impossible as I've tried a million times...", "description": "We are almost 10 years deep into a relationship that has/had? long term goals including a house and kids. However the long and short is that our relationship is crap right now and we both agreed to work on it but it's becoming more and more one sided (my side) as the days goes by. \n\n\nI want to tell my partner how I feel but crying always makes me look weak and he always seems to get the upper hand when I cry. I hate HATE that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hold the tears in ffs! I want to talk without my emotions completely choking me up. I will literally stop mid sentence when I feel the tears coming and breath long and deep and try to focus or look at the ceiling to regroup my thoughts and try not to let water run but it just does. I've tried rehearsing, I even cry during that! What's worse is that I'm not sobbing outside of a quivering bottom lip, my eyes literally just pour out tears. I can sometimes get it together enough to simply talk but as I talk, tears run... It's so frustrating. \n\n\nAny advice on how to talk to him without crying? And yeah, I've thought about writing or something that doesn't require me actually talking to him but this is serious stuff and I don't feel like words on paper is the right way to handle this. ", "answer": "it's ok to cry. it's not weak. it's what u feel", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y8t22", "comment_id": "dmlgwxh"}, {"question": "I'm depressed [M/25]and I don't know how to be happy with my girlfriend [F/26]", "description": "TL:DR I'm sad and it sometimes make me dislike my girlfriend, but I want to be with her but just be happy.\n\nI've been seeing a girl for about three months. Sometimes, I get depressed and sad for no reason. She makes me feel better. But when I'm alone, I get into my own head, and I start to feel bad about everything. I start to judge her for things that I had nothing to do with, and things that happened way before I was involved in her life. Past boyfriends, sexual history, that sort of stuff. I am a jealous person, to the point where I don't know how many people she has had sex with because if the number was too high, I wouldn't want to be with her. I know she is clean and as far as I can tell she is faithful, so that's not really an issue. But when I get sad, I start to feel like I'm not good enough. And then that snowballs into me realizing that I'm not good enough for her. Then that turns into why would she be with me if she is so much better than I am. Next thing you know, I'm thinking to myself that she is only with me because I'm the first person to actually care about her enough to want to really please her sexually, so I'm essentially just being used for sex and a warm body to sleep with at night. \n\nI don't want to feel this way because it negatively effects things with her. I just get sad and I want to be alone to try to process my feelings, but it just ends up pushing her away when I do that. I don't know what to do because the sadness I feel has nothing to do with her, but it causes me to feel negatively about her. What should I do?\n\n", "answer": "https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rqsw6", "comment_id": "dd9llsi"}, {"question": "emailcoaching.", "description": "Hi all,\n\nOn reddit I often see how people help each other by talking about their problems. Great advice is given and experiences are shared. Very helpful, for sure. Nothing is as powerful as sharing your experience with another person that\u2019s still in trouble. But one\u2019s advice does not always work for the other. That\u2019s how emailcoaching can help, you have your own coach and together we can work on your problem in a structured way. \n\nAbout me: I am 28 years old, I live in the Netherlands and besides being an emailcoach, I also work as a psychologist with degrees in health psychology and clinical psychology (Leiden University) and a licensed social worker (Christian University of Applied Sciences). I have over 10 years of experience in psychiatry and now work as a psychologist with people who have severe psychiatric disorders/ problems and all sorts of addictions. From mild cases to extremely complicated cases, I have seen it all.\n\nInterested? Please take a look at my site: www.my-emailcoach.com\nDo you have questions, please feel free to ask here or use the contact form on my website.\nPlease feel free to share if you think it will work for someone else.\n\nAnnemieke\n", "answer": "This looks like such a scam.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4h1u77", "comment_id": "d2mz69s"}, {"question": "Best way to meet new people? (16F)", "description": "Hey everyone. I'm looking for advice on where or how to meet new people. I recently got out of a relationship 2 months ago and am back in the dating crowd after 2 years. So I don't really know where to go from here. I would like to get to know a NICE (no nudes or anything) guy or just chat, but I don't know where or if there's any apps I can use to do that. thanks in advance :) ", "answer": "social/recreational activities", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tsbyi", "comment_id": "ddopkfq"}, {"question": "My most heart wrenching auto claim", "description": "I am proud to say I was a claims adjuster. Proud that sentence is past tense. And proud of what it means to me; the trials and hardship I overcame my sweatshop of a company. But those difficulties are nothing compared to the struggles of the people I worked with on a daily basis. \n\nFor 5 months now, I've only been able to share this story with close family. There's still so much I need to say and I need it to be sent out there - if only in the hope that the family might see it and know.\n\nFor the purpose of this story, names and dates are going to be changed. This isn't my information to share. Just how it affected me.\n\nI started working at this company in May 2015. I started working in a live environment in July. And started working with far less supervision in October. To say I was wet behind the ears would be an understatement. Though I was amongst the top of my training class, the workload was (as always) overwhelming. The customers could be short and sweet at best, abusive at worst. By October I was confident in my knowledge and far more capable in my abilities. I wouldn't quite say I was ready for this claim, but you don't get to pick them. I certainly didn't want to let my supervisor down and request it be transferred.\n\nA call came in shortly after our call center opened for business with a man on the line. He was calm and patient. His calm is always what I remember about him. He introduced himself Andrew and that he was inquiring about a claim. It was Monday and we came into all of the claims we had received over the weekend (about 6 that day).\n\nHis claim came to me with no information. An officer reported it, which was highly unusual, said our driver was not at fault (not their job to determine, but helpful), and that another person was. That person happened to be insured with us as well, so it made it much easier getting that driver's information and to speak with her adjuster.\n\nAndrew knew nothing else. Just that his wife had been hit with their infant daughter in the car and they were both in the hospital, the wife in a coma. I feel like time slowed as I mind raced for responses. Reassuring, empathetic, but with a note of determined plan-of-action. I hoped I managed to pull it off. I was *not* ready for a fatality claim. And me?? What about Andrew?!? Holy shit! How is he not freaking the fuck out!!!\n\nI bless whatever lead Andrew for having such a level headed disposition as my mind races to figure out what to do. If he were yelling or freaking out, I would be a useless sobbing mess I'm sure. Even to this day, I don't think he realizes what a saint he has been through the whole endeavor. And that's what I wish so bad to tell him.\n\nIt becomes quickly clear that neither of us know anything. As soon as I let him know the scant information I've been told, I tell him how I plan to get more information: where his car is, what the police report number is, who the reporting officer is, what other cars are involved, does the other party accept liability? What does the other driver say happened? How is she - in a coma too? And most of all, what the hell happened in the accident.\n\nThis ends up being a struggle spanning several weeks.\n\nThe cops took Andrew's car as evidence. They didn't think his wife would survive her injuries and they were collecting evidence for vehicular manslaughter charges. In a week or so the cops released the car to our car so we could start to work getting Andrew his settlement money.\n\nIt turns out the woman who was at fault managed to sideswipe two cars that were stopped at a red light, T-bone Andrew's wife, then proceed to sideswipe a fourth car. Andrew's wife was hit with such force that she was pushed into a pole. She suffered life threatening injuries but her infant was unharmed. There were at least 6 other people involved, not including the other driver (who suffered a broken foot or something similar) and each of them sought treatment for the usual stiff neck and back.\n\nHere's the deal. As much as the injuries are bad news, and I'm not downplaying them, the coverage is pretty bad too.\n\nAndrew has state minimums when it comes to Bodily Injury coverage and Personal Injury Coverage. The state they live in dictates that if the at fault party's coverage isn't sufficient to cover anything, you can only use YOUR coverage if it is MORE. They have the same state minimum limits as the at fault party.\n\nWhat that means is this: \n\nHis wife's bills exhaust the medical coverage (PIP) within 2 days.\n\nAll of their bills will now go through their normal health insurance and they will pay their usual copay and deductible whatever the hell that may be. As her *rehab* treatment is over $1,000 a day, they're racking up major bills.\n\nThe at fault party owes them a bodily injury settlement. BUT they only have the state minimum $30,000 to work with. And they have to split that with 6 other people who - while have significantly minor injuries, also need to be considered. \n\nAndrew's wife is going to be out of work, if not permanently impaired.... if she makes it. They have all of these medical bills. They have two little kids. $30,000 aint shit.\n\nAnd to top it off - when asked about how the accident happened, why did the at fault party do this, she insisted she did not have a seizure. Not usually something people volunteer. If you have a seizure, you lose your license for 3 months in this state. It seems she knew what happened, knew she wasn't safe to drive but did anyway.\n\nAnd once more, to make matters worse, Andrew didn't have power of attorney. So the entire process of getting the settlement for his car, or really *anything* was frustrating and painful.\n\nYet, he remaind amazingly calm and patient.\n\nEven as his life fell apart. He was thrown into this world of unknowns and upset, he was civil and respectful. He took everything I told him patiently, even when I knew it was too complicated or difficult to get a handle on at the moment.\n\nThere were only two times I felt this character break. The first Thursday after the accident. He sounded like he was clinging to his calm manner like a shield but I could hear he was broken. He said he was at the hospital and couldn't talk now. I later learning that his wife had a horrible infection and actually died once or twice that night. At the time the somewhat terse response completely threw me off - I thought I knew Andrew. But after I learned what happened, my heart broke all over again.\n\nThe other time what when I had the full account of what happened. I read the narration to him and later referred to the at fault party by name. His emotions were subtle but for him he may as well have been shaking with rage. This woman who caused this damage to his wife. He had a name for her now and that hatred just bled through the phone. I never mentioned her ever again.\n\nOur service for Andrew wasn't our best. In fact, of a 10, I would give it a 4. It's a real shame and between the expected stresses of having a wife in an extended coma, 2 babies, and a fuckhead insurance, I could sense Andrew getting more and more strained on the phone. I dreaded his calls, dreaded disappointing him. At every step I was left wishing there was more I could do. I'd often think of his family at home, praying for him, wishing somehow I could tell him how much we are hoping for him and praying for his wife's recovery. If even just that bit could give him some strength to continue this long journey, I would.\n\nBut I couldnt. I could never say needed and human things. Not just because to him, I'm just *the insurance company* but because my company is like the usual giant corporations and they have pretty clear policies on saying things like \"we're praying for you\" or \"we're all thinking about you\"\n\nSo now is my chance. I still think about you guys, Andrew. I'm so sorry that you had to celebrate the holidays and her birthday, and soon your kids' birthdays in the hospital. I saw the medical reports. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I hope that if anything I helped just one iota. I pray for your wife every day. I pray for you even more. Please stay that gentle, calm man who called me in October.\n", "answer": "Quite a moving story. I hope you gotta little peace through the process of writing it out. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4bzqto", "comment_id": "d1dzor1"}, {"question": "After 5 years of trying she has finally failed and cannot go on. And im happy about it.", "description": "My sister graduated high school one year early. She moved out of the house and went to live with my grandma in the ghetto to go to community college. For 5 years since the day she left she has been working hard (2 or more jobs constantly) to make money to pay for herself to go to school.\n\nShe failed the first year.\nShe quit the second year.\nShe failed again the third year.\nShe got into a car accident and failed the fourth year.\nAnd now this fifth year she cant even attend school because she does not have enough money.\n\nAnd for all that, im finally happy she cant get back up. Because now, its time for something new. School is not for everyone and its taken her 5 years to figure that out. I dont want to tell her she wasted her time, but she already knows its on my mind.\n\nNow im currently getting stuff prepared to help her move. She needs to start a new life in a new city, away from all the bad memories and failures here.\n\nWish her luck please.", "answer": "This \"everyone should go to college\" mindset is poisonous.  A friend of mine is dealing with it now.  It sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2fs4xr", "comment_id": "ckc9v3t"}, {"question": "9 yr old severe anxiety in summer...", "description": "My 9 yr old is having severe anxiety over blushing in front of schoolmates. We have been with friends and family for 4th of July activities the past two nights and has told me she is very worried about school and blushing, even during a fireworks show. Last night she even mentioned she likes school but not herself. This talk is obviously alarming. We will talk with our pediatrician but was thinking we could get some good feedback, opinions, resources etc. that would help us dive in and give her some relief.", "answer": "I think it's good that you're so actively doing your best for your daughter and I understand her words can be alarming. \n\nKeep in mind that regardless of the professional help you may or may not need, her parents are very important to her and you can definitely help her also to be a healthy and developing child. My advice would be to make sure you (both parents) are not reacting with becoming more stressed than needed. She is learning what happens when she tells you she is not so happy. I am not talking about whether or not you tell her about your feelings and thoughts, because she will notice anyway. \n\nSo talk about it, care about it, and show her what happens when you tell your parents you're not feeling good (they love you, they understand you, they will help you, they may not be perfect but they are good enough).\n\nHope this helps.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9ves4", "comment_id": "et3nauh"}, {"question": "Obligated to have sex", "description": "My boyfriend (24/m) and I (23/f) have been together for 3 years. Our relationship is good and we're always in sync about everything. Except sex. When we first started dating, we were having sex multiple times a week. Not because I was more interested in sex at the time but more because our relationship was newer and so therefore I felt like I had to try harder. But as our relationship became more serious, we started having sex less and less. At this point it's about once a month or less. People say that one of the best expressions of intimacy and affection is sex and I guess I just feel the opposite. I feel disconnected during sex. I've always loved him, with or without sex, and I'm just wondering why it's so hard for him to feel the same way. At this point I'm wondering if I should just agree to an open relationship just so that I can keep him, but I feel like that's just inviting poison into our relationship. Any advice? Thank you. ", "answer": "yes, it's inviting poison. try to find a comfort level in between your different sexual levels. all couples have to do that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g6tko", "comment_id": "dio6wmh"}, {"question": "Someone with ADHD want to chime in and confirm this? Check my arm-chair diagnosis before I waste time with specialists.", "description": "Can someone with ADHD skim this and give some thoughts? Want to be sure I've got my arm\\-chair diagnosis correct.\n\nI'm working up to scheduling an appointment with an actual specialist for a diagnosis.\n\nIn the meantime: I'm supposed to be doing something important right now and am waiting for the caffeine to kick in so instead I got distracted researching that's possibly wrong with me and posting this.\n\nI can't stick to a structured schedule to save my life \\(or career\\), an 8 hour work\\-day drains my soul, and I have difficulty not being completely drained working just 30 hour weeks, being drained by structured work saps my ability to be structured and efficient in my freetime, there are things I \\*want\\* to do in my free time but instead waste it all bouncing between distractions that don't accomplish anything \\(I don't even feel entertained or refreshed\\), really forcing myself to do what I tell myself I should be doing takes extreme mental effort and drains my willpower, I can barely plan anything beyond the immediate moment, my task\\-memory is constantly wiping itself blank while working such that I fuck up basic procedures because it just evaporates from my mind as I go resulting in me unintentionally skipping steps I just read and told myself I have to do merely seconds ago, conversation is difficult for me because I often can't listen for less than a minute before I catch myself wandering and completely forgetting what we were talking about, I myself can barely make a point in a conversation before my own tangential thoughts pull me away or I forget what point I was trying to communicate resulting in a rambling branching logic path that I'm lucky if it circles back around to close, and it's difficult for me to discern what people are tying to tell me because of the prior difficulties and getting distracted mid\\-conversation with the myriad of possibilities of what they could be saying and often forgetting soon after anyway.\n\nSome people have suggested ASD as well but there's a huge overlap with ADHD?\n\nI do fine on reading expressions, tone, empathy, etc. I have problems with volume, masking the tone of my actual mood, and clear concise communication, and sometimes get a strong impulse to talk about something that's caught my attention which can impede my conversational skills by sapping willpower to ignore it. Anxiety in social situations for me is pretty bad. My hobbies and interests jump around a lot, I can do really well in them then often drop them only to cycle through them on an unintentional rotating schedule, but at no point do I have life\\-long obsessions or am very interested in the \"data collection\" type hobbies usually associated with ASD. There may be some motor/coordination issues, disassociation by environmental stimulus, and some repetitive movements \\(but they're not repeating continuously, just things I do more than others over the course of a day like cracking knuckles, stretching my neck, sighing, etc\\).\n\nI got this far before realizing and adding the 3rd line/paragraph. I should do the thing I need to be doing but I know I'm actually about to go get some food and watch a few videos instead despite the fact I've already eaten then check out the amazon package that was just dropped off when I know I don't have time for that and should wait to do that when I get back from work. Then I'll spend the rest of the day mentally kicking myself for being so unproductive with my morning when I knew the entire morning what I should have been doing at every moment I wasn't doing those things I should have been doing.", "answer": "It's never wasting your time with specialists.  \n\n\nSelf-diagnosing or asking armchair psychologists to diagnosis you isn't going to help.  What would a diagnosis mean to you?  That you would begin therapy and consider medication?  If that's the case, you should get evaluated.  \n\n\nAs a therapist, I would never put stock in diagnosing myself, even though I'm licensed and have close to 10 years experience working in the field.  I have been diagnosed with ADHD and take meds for it.  If you're concerned that it's ADHD, get checked out and if diagnosed and recommended meds, consider it.  I wish I would've done it years earlier.  \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8nk0xn", "comment_id": "dzw8d0p"}, {"question": "cut my nails outside my shrink's office yesterday", "description": "cause I didn't get time before I left the house and had the executive function to problem solve instantly and put them nailclipper in my pocket in case I arrived with time to spare. filing under progress with a splash of slightly odd.", "answer": "\u201cFiling under progress with a splash of odd\u201d \ud83d\ude02 love it!\n\nGood job clipping your nails, I always forget! And then remember! And then forget!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9z26a0", "comment_id": "ea5sx18"}, {"question": "I tried everything, but a friend wants to stop being friends.", "description": "I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but it came up when I was searching Reddit. \n\nThe other day me and a really good friend(both mid 20s) had a falling out over a difference in opinion about a topic in politics. Instead of agreeing to disagree, we kept going. He was actually the one who suggested to stop, but I wouldn't let it go for 5 extra minutes. \n\nWithin those 5 minutes, my friend went from irritated to angry. Realizing that I needed to shut up, I gave in and said that we should drop it and if need be, we could hang out later after we've taken some time to cool down. \n\nA day goes by so I text them to apologize. I hear nothing. 2 days go by and I text him again to see if he wants to go to a local festival. Again, I hear nothing. The next day, I text to ask him if he's still pissed off since he's been ignoring me. He texts me back saying he doesn't want to be friends anymore since I didn't stop. I apologized again and explained that it was my fault. I tried to make sure I wasn't accusing him of anything so that he wouldn't get defensive. At that point, I was only concerned with finding a solution.  He told me that it doesn't matter and that was it. \n\nI've never had a major disagreement although we've been friends for a while and I feel bad. What should I have done differently aside from ending the topic when he made the request? My hands feel tied because my apology wasn't accepted and I don't think he'll forgive me. What do I do?", "answer": "In the future, it's really important to respect people's boundaries and wishes if you want to remain friends.  If someone asks you to stop doing something because it bothers them and you continue, you run the risk of hurting or losing the relationship you have with that person.  When asked to stop doing something you have to ask yourself the question.... how important to me is it that I continue?  Is it worth potentially causing harm to my relationship with this person?  \n\n\nWe all screw up from time to time.  Nobody's perfect. You apologized which was the mature thing to do and really the extent to what you can do.  It's up to him if he wants to accept it and continue the friendship.  He may in time or he may not.  Best you can do now is learn what you can from it.     ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8kecm6", "comment_id": "dz796w9"}, {"question": "Ok, So I'm 100% I have this even if Im not diagnosed (as of yet will do). Holy shit. How do you guys not get bored of anything and commit to something wether its a hobby, relationship, career, degree and everything else?", "description": "I guess what Im asking is: \n\n**How do I find something I like enough to actually stick with/commit? Everything seems boring after I totally obsess about it and get to an intermediate level.** Then I drop it out of my life because Its so under stimulating and boring. Its like I figured it out and in my mind its just tedious practice after that which makes me want to rip out my eyeballs.  \n\n**Any solutions? To stick with hobbies relationships careers life goals ?**\n\nI'm scared of ending up being old without any expertise at one thing or being passionate about anything. Or even having any life goals or accomplishing anything since they always change. (besides all the random obsessions I had that stuck with and Im semi good at)  FUCK \n\nEdit: its not much of a focus issue per say (unless the boredom feelings start coming in, then i make carless mistakes and it just tanks and I need o force myself to focus (for things that you can't back out of like college classes). ", "answer": "For my career I've picked clinical psychology. I've done this because it interests me but also because the are SO many things I can do. I can be a private practice psych, do research, specialise in certain therapies, work in prisons, hospitals, rural areas, metropolitan. I could change every six months and not run out of things. Also a lot of psychologists work clinically part time and do something else related but different because it's quite taxing emotionally. \n\nMaybe look at sinethjbg with variety?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "airuj7", "comment_id": "eerms5h"}, {"question": "I finally told my boss I have ADHD as I explained why my attention to detail is so poor. The conversation ended with her hugging me and telling me how brave I was for sharing it with her.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "That's so great! \n\nI told my supervisor a little while back, only because I take IR ritalin and have a fast metabolism so take it quite often, and I didn't want him to see and find out by accident and not have a chance to explain it. \n\nSo I told him and he said \"ok, thanks for letting me know, you didn't have to but thanks. I take blood pressure medication. It stops me from having heart attacks. It is a good job I manage it cause that's not what I would want. I'd say this is similar. If I stopped taking my BP meds that would be my choice and I'd just exercise and eat well to manage it even if it wasn't quite as effective. So you do whatever you need to manage it and if you think I can support you then let me know.\"\n\nIt was so refreshing to just have absolutely no judgement, shock, questions. Just acceptance and support. It was like a lead weight off my shoulders.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bp4bra", "comment_id": "enpxuz7"}, {"question": "Anti-depressant prescriptions without ongoing appointments?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "The preferred treatment for mild depression isn't anti\\-depressants, it's therapy. Therapy takes more time and effort from you, and it can be more expensive. The evidence that medications help in mild depression is scant at best, though; the evidence for psychotherapy is robust.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pnjbq", "comment_id": "e0condh"}, {"question": "My mom is experiencing body tremors while moving, muscle spasms, difficulty with speech, forgetfulness etc. Should we get a 2nd opinion?", "description": "Important info:\n\nAge: 53\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5'5\"\n\nWeight: 120lbs\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: Some symptoms 5 years, some more recent, worse within last week\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Recovering alcoholic and narcotic addict, sober a year and a few months. She was an alcoholic for 5 or 6 years and narcotics addict for a year or two.\n\nCurrent medications (if any): Cymbalta and a med for her blood pressure\n\n\nSo the past few years my mom has been VERY absent minded. She forgets conversations, plans, things she did etc. I originally ignored this and chalked it up to wet brain since she is in recovery and some of this bleeds into while she was using. The past year (during her sobriety) it's gotten worse but again, we brushed it off. She also has had RLS, anxiety, depression, extreme fatigue (she'll randomly go lay down for a nap, sometimes taking 2-3 naps per day if its a weekend), in addition to dizziness and lack of balance. The balance has been worse for months. She's constantly falling, especially at night. A couple of weeks ago she DID fall and hit her head, although it wasn't that bad, the ER doctor cleared her with NO concussion and she was fine directly after. Thursday she called me and said she was heading back to the ER because she was getting full body tremors. She couldn't lift her legs high enough to walk up the stairs. After a few hours that settled down and she would only get the body tremors if she moved, but if she sat still for a while her legs and arms would start jerking/spasming. If she moved she couldn't form correct sentences, if she sat still she would stutter a bit but generally communicate okay. They checked her heart and checked for stroke and all was clear. The MRI and CAT scan was clear, the ER couldn't figure it out so she was sent on her way and told to see a neurologist.\n\nShe's still getting the tremors when she moves, though not as violently. If anything is on the floor, she will trip over it because it's difficult for her to process how high she needs to lift her legs to not trip? Its hard for her to explain the sensation. She fell again over the weekend, though she didn't hit her head we're pretty sure she fractured a finger. She's been waking up at night and sending texts that she doesn't remember sending. Also sometimes in her texts, we can't understand a thing she says. One text she sent me yesterday in response to whether or not I was picking up my daughter early:\n\"Lol, yes why I asking one, she'll be podddd\" ....neither her or I had any clue what she meant by this. She was never the greatest texter, but this is beyond normal.\n\n\nTo wrap it up, (THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU'RE STILL WITH ME) she went to the neurologist today. He didn't look much at her medical history, he did see the MRI and CAT scan from the ER but just said it was Post Concussion Syndrome. I'm not a doctor, but reading up on it it doesn't seem like it would fit, especially since she was cleared the first time AND because she's been having symptoms way longer than she fell. She tried to ask him a few questions but he kept bringing her back to Post Concussion Syndrome and to come back in 2 months and he'll give her medicine for the tremors. Unfortunately, I wasn't there for the full conversation, I intend to go to her next appointment so someone can advocate for her in case she forgets anything (which is happening constantly lately).\n\nIs this something that could fit? Should we look into something else/seek a second opinion? Any advice would help SO much. My sister may comment this as well if she has anything to add.", "answer": "Im an addictions psychiatrist. Can I check something? Is she on B vitamins and Thiamine, and she receive loads of this when she was detoxed off alcohol? Similarly what drugs was she addicted to and what treatment did she get?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y0wa1", "comment_id": "d6k2qsc"}, {"question": "Every time I do any sort of physical effort like walk or climb up a slope (exercise of any kind), my eyes swell.", "description": "I am 23f, 158cms height, 75kgs weight and Indian. I\u2019m facing this problem since January 2018, but the issue has increased in the past 6-7 months.  When I physically exert, the skin inside and outside my eyes swell. Initially I thought it might be a temperature issue since I used to live in Dubai where summers are extremely hot. However even after moving to Germany it has not stopped. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s some kind of reaction to food or the products I use. I am getting a food allergy test done in a couple of weeks. Every time I try to rule something out, turns out my eyes swell anyway. It\u2019s affecting my day to day life. If anyone has any opinions on this at all, it\u2019d be gratefully welcomed. I\u2019ve been to about 4-5 doctors regarding this in India, Dubai and Germany. Unfortunately, my issue still persists. [eye swelling after physical exertion ](https://imgur.com/a/7afba5L)", "answer": "POTS? (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "btostn", "comment_id": "ep1ezv0"}, {"question": "I need help with figuring out my life", "description": "\"I've read a lot of different articles on here about how to start and how to get motivated. A lot of what I see is nonzero days and just start small. While I know starting small is better than doing nothing at all, you're telling me that I can do that? Like if I want to get in shape I can start small so long as I keep at it daily and don't give up? I know this sounds like the stupidest question but I don't understand it. I've never had anyone tell me I could do anything nor have I ever believed i could do anything myself (hence why all I do is eat bad and browse the internet) but is it really that simple I don't have to do all these new things, i can just start by doing 1 simple thing? I get so overwhelmed by everything I read on the internet about how to get control over my life and how to lose weight that I just give up because I don't understand what will actually work for me. Have any of you actually started out small and have worked up to greater things? I just really need some encouragement that I should actually make my life better because all I do is waste it but sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to have a better life, I have become so incredibly complacent and lost and I'm just scared to do anything about it. \"\n\nThis was a post from R/get motivated  but no one replied. Also sometimes I feel so positive and like I can accomplish anything I eat better. But most other days I feel complacent and not in control of my life in just barely making it by. I don't look nice I don't put effort into anything. I take Prozac and adderall ", "answer": "Small things certainly help.  For instance, getting a shower and getting dressed is a first step.  A lot of people who get depressed forego these two things way more than they should.  \n\nI tell my clients and always keep this in mind for myself.  Put your shoes on early.  There's something psychological that I can't put my finger on about putting your shoes on in the morning that can get you a little more motivated.  \n\nIf you take Adderall I'm guessing you have an ADHD diagnosis.  If that's the case, try this.  Make a list of all of the things that you would like to get done on a certain day.  Whatever your main distraction is, (tv, video games, social media).  Make it so in between each game, show, hour on social media, etc.  You have to complete one of the tasks on your list.  They don't have to be super time consuming things, just things you have to get done that normally you'd say \"aaaah I don't feel like it\".  \n\nThese things are a good first start.  Can you give some more details regarding what you're trying to accomplish?\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6vq34v", "comment_id": "dm24qyx"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Sorry your hurting. There is a better way man. It\u2019s not being brainwashed as much as it is learning how to deal with life in my opinion. The whole idea of wanting to feel better is to change how you think about things. There\u2019s a quote somewhere that says \u201cchange how you look at things and the things you look at change.\u201d Something like that anyways. AA has helped me with that. It\u2019s also less and less about not drinking and more and more about managing life and keeping my serenity as I go on. Besides, if it is being brainwashed I\u2019ll take it all day over how I was. Is being brainwashed to be happy better than being brainwashed by the booze to be miserable? I\u2019ll take the former myself.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "eeb2hz", "comment_id": "fbshzeb"}, {"question": "Advice with getting diagnosed.", "description": "I will keep it short. I think there is something psychologically wrong with me so looking for some advice as to how to find someone to tell me if I am just imagining things or something is actually wrong. I am living in York in England but all advice is welcome and very much appreciated. I am also at the university in york if that helps. \n\nEdit: Thank you all for the advice for what to do. I am going to email when I get back to university about doing sessions and also to my GPS as well. Thanks again to you all.\n", "answer": "I'm not sure if it's the same in England--I'd be very surprised if it was different--but over here in the US, most universities offer at least a few sessions at the university's counseling center included in tuition. \n\nIf I understand correctly, you're at the University of York, and [according to this page on their website](https://www.york.ac.uk/students/health/mental-illness/yourself/), on the right-hand side of the page is some contact information for the support center. I would start there. If you need more in-depth assistance, they can refer you to an appropriate clinic or hospital.\n\nI hope that helps!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l43jo", "comment_id": "dbsqnvt"}, {"question": "PTSD and weed.", "description": "I'm not sure if I should post here as I feel weed isn't as addictive as basicly any other drug but I'm really having problems with it. I've been diagnozed with PTSD due to things that happend when I was younger. I've been smoking since age 12 (I'm 28 now) and try to stop occasionally, sometimes for a few weeks some times not even a few hours. I am in the process of getting help but there's a waiting list of about 7/8 months and I'm done having this shit dictate my life but the flashbacks/nightmares and not sleeping is draining my will. Is there someone else also dealing with this, if so do you have any tips?\n\n​\n\nSorry for bad grammar and typo's english isn't my mother tongue.", "answer": "Come on over to r/leaves! Lots of people there who know what it's like to struggle with weed. You don't have to do this alone.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "bek7ja", "comment_id": "el6uqpf"}, {"question": "Therapy isn't working. ", "description": "Seem to be spending a lot of time in this subreddit lately. Possibly not a good thing. Anyway, as you may have guessed, therapy isn't working. I spent years pretending to be perfectly fine, doing everything I could to distract everyone else and myself from what was happening inside my head. Did a pretty good job, too, honestly. Then I ended up in Italy and barely able to leave my room I was so down and the frustration at not being able to enjoy my time abroad finally won out over my all-encompassing need for self-reliance. \n\nThat was about six months ago. Now I am back in the States and still in therapy and on medication and completely suicidal. The only reason I haven't done it yet is I know what it would do to my family and I feel so selfish when I think about that. But it's all I can think about. I'm pretty much a shut-in right now; I watch TV, I browse reddit, sometimes (gasp!) I go to the grocery store. I know staying in all the time is making it worse, giving me more time to think about how much I hate myself. I could volunteer somewhere, I could go running, I could do something. But thinking about voluntarily interacting with other people is physically painful. Basically, I hate myself too much to hold a conversation. The effort required to be polite to cashiers and bus drivers is monumental. \n\nMy therapist's advice, when I tell her I'm suicidal? Try not to think about it. Just try to do something. Just try. And it makes me want to scream, like what the fuck was I doing all those years I wasn't in therapy? I'm sick of fucking trying; it never got me anything but sleeplessness and social anxiety. \n\nSo... I don't know what the point of this is. I know you're all going through your own shit. But I'm reaching the end of the proverbial rope, here. ", "answer": "Get another therapist. If you're thinking about offing yourself- go to a hospital", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "vnwyw", "comment_id": "c56in4u"}, {"question": "Fiance Made Fun of Me", "description": "I have been with my fiance for 10 years now, and we have been engaged for 3 years. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and I have told him about it. I also suffer from bipolar, and anxiety. One day I was reading my fiance's messages and he was making fun of me to his best friend about me having bipolar. It hurt my feelings so bad, to think that I told this person something personal about me and all he did was take it and make it into a laughing matter with someone who didn't even need to know my personal business. It wasn't his right to tell his best friend and it made my depression a whole lot worse. My depression has been getting worse for the last few years, but I put on a smile on my face to show him that I am okay. I can't tell him what is going on, because I know he won't understand. Last year I had a really bad episode to the point that I broke down crying in our bedroom, because of everything that was going on and it hurt that I couldn't tell him. I didn't want him to think of me as being so low, and making fun of me for it. My parents had always told me that I am just doing stuff for attention, so I don't really feel comfortable telling people stuff. He proved to me that I can't even tell him stuff, even though I would love to be able to talk to him about what goes through my head, and how it affects my daily life. I do want to marry my fiance, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to marry me, since we have been engaged for so long. I don't know if it just me thinking that or if it part of my depression. He doesn't understand how my depression causes me to think and feel about certain stuff. It would be nice if he could be more understanding when I am having a bad day, or even just to let me vent to him about stuff. I have tried to see a therapist about what is going on with me, but he made me stop, because he doesn't understand how talking about stuff can help me. Lately I have been feeling like our relationship is more one-sided with me always trying to please him and keep him calm, like I am walking on egg-shells around him. I am afraid to say the one thing to him, because I don't want to make him mad at me. Lately I have been so stressed, and I can't tell him that. How do you tell someone that you are stressed and you need time to yourself when they are so busy with their own stuff? I don't want him to think less of me for being stressed and depressed. Thank you for reading my post.", "answer": "Talk to him about how that makes you feel.  It\u2019s never ok for someone to make fun of you, especially someone you plan to marry.  And I think it\u2019s super insensitive of your parents to tell you that you\u2019re trying to get attention.  Depression is real and it infuriates me when people just dismiss it or mental health in general.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "a1ojhj", "comment_id": "eargpn0"}, {"question": "Mental Health Care in the US is Fucked", "description": "I have been dealing with anxiety for years. Recently, it has become debilitating and affects my daily life. I can barely eat and every time I think about leaving the house I start to panic. \n\nI've been telling myself I need to get into therapy. And finally after only being able to eat two bites of food and having a terrible panic attack, I decided that was the last straw. I was ready to bite the bullet and find a therapist. \n\nAfter a few phone calls I came to find that the majority of counselors in my city are not accepting new patients, or don't take my insurance. So after a 30 minute hold I finally got to speak to my insurance agent who told me there is ONE FUCKING PROVIDER covered in my city.\n \nAll of my insurance company in a major US city is covered by one lady!? Her voicemail told me she was not accepting new patients either (of course). Then I thought... \"Fuck it. My mental health is important, I'll go out of network and pay out the ass.\" So I start googling away.\n\nI have called 15 numbers. I kid you not, 15 numbers. I have not spoken to a single human. And 10 of those voicemails told me they were not accepting new patients. \nAnd this is all while trying to deal with anxiety--which makes even the thought of making all these calls terrifying as it is!\n\nHow does anyone do this!? I'm trying to keep afloat and I'm barely treading water.", "answer": "I'm sorry for my profession, but know that these counselors and therapists are not trying to avoid you but are overwhelmed. We take on as much as we can to the point where we struggle to find time to care for ourselves. \n\nI hope that you can find someone who is available. Also be weary of eTherapy.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fkegs", "comment_id": "d29lcu9"}, {"question": "Claims in \"I Never Promised You a Rose Garden\"", "description": "For those of you who have read this auto-biographical book,  the author (Joanne Greenberg) claims that her Schizophrenia was (not necessarily cured) but brought under full control by years of intensive therapy while institutionalized. I have since seen interviews where Greenberg is adamant that she has never taken medication and believes that most schizophrenics could live stable lives if they participated in years of intensive therapy as she did.  I found her assertion troublesome for obvious reasons. I'd like to get others thoughts on this- has anyone tried her method and found it successful? I had the thought while reading the book that she may have not been properly diagnosed given the era, but in modern interviews she still identities as schizophrenic. Also, what did people think generally of her descriptions of her hallucinations and cognitive issues? Did you feel like you could relate or did it feel totally off base? ", "answer": "I think something that is important to keep in mind is that what the term \"Schizophrenia\" meant in the 1950s and 1960s is fairly different from what Schizophrenia means now. Back then it was a pretty vague diagnosis. \n\nIt is likely that she doesn't necessarily have what we understand now as Schizophrenia, but perhaps a severe form of depression (which can sometimes include psychotic symptoms). This might explain why she recovered without the use of medication. ", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "3gxuh9", "comment_id": "cu4b8hk"}, {"question": "The different levels of Nofap masters", "description": "Beginner - Day 1 to 7\n\nWarrior - Day 7 to 14\n\nSuicidal Maniac - Day 14 to 21\n\nRefugee - Day 21 to 30\n\nYoung monk - Day 30 to 45\n\nMonk - Day 45 to 60\n\nThe Wise Grandpa - Day 60 to 70\n\nVeteran - Day 70 to 80\n\nLegendary Veteran - Day 80 to 90\n\nThe Crippled Hero - Day 90 to 100\n\nThe Forgotten Hero - Day 100 to 120\n\nKing - Day 120 to 150\n\nDemigod - Day 150 to 180\n\nLazarus - Day 180 to 210\n\nChild of the Earth - Day 210 to 260\n\nFather of the Earth - Day 260 to 300\n\nThe Broken One - Day 300 - 330\n\nThe Monster - Day 330 to 360\n\n*The Master* - Day 360 +", "answer": "Bookmarked and saved. Will come back to this once I hit \"Wise Grandpa\"", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "8ahh4u", "comment_id": "dwzln8m"}, {"question": "Hi SW, I'd like to ask you all a favor...", "description": "I'll write more later, but I feel that suicide is inevitable for me.\n\nThis website has been a blessing to me and I'd like to ask you all one favor: just in case something were to happen to me, could you all send my mother some stuff via the mail. I'll provide here address when the time finally comes.\n\nI can't live with myself anymore and I'd really appreciate it... I'll be sure to write her a note (and hopefully my other family). I'm just so broken and I can't escape the hopelessness. I don't think I can fight it anymore.\n\nI'll write more in the comments later... \n\nEDIT: ", "answer": "I'm sure your mother would rather have her child than mail from strangers.  You said you are hopeless, and yet you are here posting, so there is a fighting part of you-even if you don't recognize it.  You seem like a really caring person since you are so worried about your mother.  There's a lot of people here (myself included) who would be glad to talk to you.  Please tell us more about yourself.  ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "de16q", "comment_id": "c0zircx"}, {"question": "Help please! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?", "description": "Help! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?\n\nMy husband was admitted involuntarily 3 days ago in a NSW hospital due to bipolar manic episode.  I've attempted to see him twice yesterday,  both times they wouldn't let me in because \"the ward was unstable. \" they said it was HIM disrupting and being violent.  He wasn't violent before he went in. When I asked the nurse if this is a reaction to new meds, she said NO and practically kicked me out of the centre. On the phone he told me they've slammed his head on the floor etc. Now I feel like he's being abused in there, they refuse to let me see him, I feel like they're hiding something.  Wtf do I do??\n", "answer": "While I've never been to Australia, I used to be a therapist at a psych hospital. Mania is really unpredictable, which is why it is dangerous (especially for the manic person). I've seen normally docile people become very aggressive when manic.\n\nIn the USA at least, the hospital can't share details with you unless the patient explicitly agrees to it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2flbz1", "comment_id": "ckabv6j"}, {"question": "What mechanisms are there to measure whether or not a client's mental well being is improving?", "description": "I think right now, there's no standard mechanisms to determine if a client's mental well being is improving in therapy\n\nI had a thought of introducing a mechanism where a client fills a questionnaire ever couple of sessions to determine if the client is making progress.\n\nThis questionnaire would be similar to the depression questionaires(how much pleasure the client gets from doing things, how often the client feels depressed, etc)\n\nThis is actually similar to personal training as well where you keep track of fats, carbs, muscle gain, etc \n\nThe client and therapist could review this questionaire every couple of weeks to evaluate progress and brainstorm ways to improve", "answer": "This is very common.  The measure depends on the presenting problem.  In the past , I used the Beck inventories .\n\nSome therapists do this at every session . I think 12 weeks is a good amount of time. There has been research that shows that people generally improve 50% over 3 months of therapy . Doing it too soon can frustrate a client who is not making progress .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fu2yj3", "comment_id": "fmbim3e"}, {"question": "alcoholism is a disease?", "description": "Funny comedian Mitch Hedburg once joked...alcoholism is the only disease u get yelled at for...I am having trouble understanding the disease model of alcoholism that aa suggests.  If it truly is a disease, then shouldnt folks feel sympathy for all the drunks and druggies?...seems to me that the disease model of alcoholism allows folks for a crutch to fall back on.....\"its not my fault, I have a disease\"....I think that I prefer the notion that I, personally, suck at drinking.....and...its my responsibility to stay sober to help myself and be a better part of society....Is drinking a choice?...If I have a disease, do I have a choice?", "answer": "It is classified as a disease by the AMA. The reason people don't pity alcoholics is due to several reasons, one being ignorance, another being the stigma around alcoholics and addicts, and the fact that the disease is one of self-infliction. The disease model which has existed for centuries starting with Benjamin Rush, is the most prevalent model in existence today, the reason behind that is evidence. Why do some people reacting so strangely to alcohol? Why can't they stop? Why do they continue in the face of negative consequences? The simple fact of the matter is this is a disease. It's not a crutch, it is an increasingly researched disease that we learn more and more about every year.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1n6hqr", "comment_id": "ccfvbao"}, {"question": "Should I see a different therapist?", "description": "Last Friday, the kids were home and I have a nasty temper, coupled with depression from not having a job and from BPD.  I was alone with the three of them and one of them was fighting with the other.  I sent the misbehaving one to her room.  I was pretty triggered all day with a headache that wouldn't go away.  Suddenly I hear loud banging and flip out.  I do something to her that I'm not sure if I should admit to on reddit.  I start self harming (hitting my head).  Eventually I call my therapist.  I tell her everything.  Her first words:  Do I need to call CPS?  I just about lost it.  What she said was very invalidating and I think could've made the situation worse.  Furthermore, CPS isn't like 911 where they immediately diffuse the situation.  My therapist made a mistake.  Should I make her own up to it?  Should I see a therapist who's less about tough love and more validating?", "answer": "Therapist here. We are LEGALLY bound to report any instance of suspected/potential child abuse or neglect. Her delivery was off and she could have brought up the issue about her legal obligation to report such things in a very different way. It would have been better if she helped you through the crisis FIRST, then discussed the CPS reporting afterwards. She can't be validating towards actions that are unhealthy for you and your children, but she should been validating that you were in distress and your feelings, so I wouldn't say this is a case of tough love in that sense.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bsl1ji", "comment_id": "eooxjtn"}, {"question": "Question about Quetiapine (Seroquel)", "description": "So my friend is diagnosed with Schizophrenia. She is a 25 year old from Poland. About 1.75 meters, 110 pounds.\n\nShe is prescribed Quetiapine, which she has to take every day.\nHer doctor in Poland told her about a Quetiapine pill that the person doesn't have to take every day but weekly or even monthly. He also said that these pills aren't available in Poland. \n\nSo I've been looking for these kind of pills online but have failed to find anything relevant. \n\nDoes anybody have some information regarding Quetiapine in weekly or monthly doses?\n\n\n", "answer": "There arent long acting oral medication - but there are long acting injections that are given from weekly to monthly (depending on the drug). Quetiapine isnt one of them, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wqgqx", "comment_id": "dma7kn4"}, {"question": "Do online therapy companies use EMRs? If not do they need to keep patient info?", "description": "Curious about how online therapy like talkspace goes through with this process.", "answer": "I have never used talk space,  but state laws require that charts be kept.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3iln", "comment_id": "fxfi6fi"}, {"question": "I feel like I am watching myself slowly suffocate and die, and I don't know if I care.", "description": "I am a musician, and I own/operate a small clothing line. I've dealt with my share of demons my entire life, and lately I've become so indifferent to my passions, and my hopes for a better life. I'm at a point where I won't even bother taking risks for the things I love. Instead, I just watch them fall apart and burn. \n\nI've been working on getting back into music for the past year or so, but over the past two months I've been so complacent. My clothing line is suffering from lack of motivation to keep up on social media, and my friendships are falling apart. \n\nI'm working two full time jobs trying to pay off my car/student loans/credit cards in about 18 months, hoping financial freedom will help me, but I'm starting to not care about that either. \n\nI'm not sure what to do to get back on track. As a musician I had a lot of opportunities, and loved every minute I was on stage. My clothing line gave me the chance to meet people from all of the country and hang out with bands I admired, and my biggest desire was to be debt free and slow life down a little for my passions. Now I just want to exist on the couch. ", "answer": "It sounds like you may have depression. It's not permanent, and easily treatable. I'd speak to your doctor about it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6s4ix9", "comment_id": "dla8isd"}, {"question": "How do I (18F) find a Therapist? Is all therapy crazy expensive?", "description": "It's summer. And that means I can't take advantage of the free therapy sessions provided by my university. I've already called a few businesses in my city, some were only offered for children, others only for veterans, etc. What's the best way to search for a Therapist? Yellow pages? Google? Should I be expecting to pay $100/hour for my sessions? Any and all help is appreciated, thank you all. ", "answer": "If you have health insurance, you can go to your carrier's website and there should be an option for you to look up providers in your area covered by your insurance.\n\nYou might also consider calling whichever university department runs the clinic ( most universities don't shut down 100% during summer) and ask them for local resources.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1g01tl", "comment_id": "cafhhvu"}, {"question": "Just relapsed...", "description": "I have always gone to extremes with obtaining alcohol, and this was one of them. My parents have a locked up refrigerator where they keep their alcohol (this has worked pretty well) but today I was home alone, and found a way to break into that fridge and get some of the alcohol. I didnt want to but somehow the craving was a lot stronger than normal. And I had the equivalent of a glass of wine and a few shots. (Because I knew she would notice if I took more). This actually the third day that Ive been craving, but I completely gave in and found a way to get to the alcohol\n\nI know that I cannot drink the alcohol in the fridge anymore because it will become noticeable, but in the mean time can anyone give me suggestions for curbing the cravings?? Ive tried tea, but need other suggestions!\n", "answer": "Post about that craving or talk to another alcoholic when it comes. That'll save you from making posts like this. Three days is a long time to stew on a craving.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i1862", "comment_id": "cb04wx5"}, {"question": "Why does mental pain push us to kill ourselves but physical illnesses pushes us to survive?", "description": "When you get cancer or some dangerous illness all you want to do is survive and live life.\n\n\nWhen you get depression all you want to do is end yourself. What\u2019s wrong with a depressed mind? What happened to survival insticts?", "answer": "That's the thing, as they say, depression is anger turned towards the self. When you hate yourself, guess what you'd like to do to yourself..", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a68yje", "comment_id": "ebt1ict"}, {"question": "How do I find the ICD code for a CPT", "description": "I know this is probably an annoying question.\n\nI am 36/M/240/6'2\".\n\nI went to my doctor a month ago asking for my vitamin B and folate levels to be tested because I didn't want to continue taking a multi-vitamin indefinitely after reading more into the risks/benefits, but I am a vegetarian and my psychiatrist previously told me I had equivocal MTHFR results that might make me not process folic acid correctly.\n\nI had a list of tests I asked for:\n\nRBC and serum folate,\n\nRBC magnesium,\n\nHomocysteine,\n\nmethylmalonic acid,\n\nholotranscobalamin\n\nHe said he would think about it and get back to me (he said OK to regular B12 and magnesium\u2014but even that took him about a half hour to write out, searching on his computer).  \n\n\nHe thought about it and has told me it is my \"homework\" to find the ICD codes that would support each test. He said it's a pain in the ass to do. I don't think he's doing this to make a point. I really think he thinks I can do this. He seems to think I'm very good with computers (which maybe I am compared to him . . .) This seems to kind of be an ongoing thing. Recently he sent in a script for me to my pharmacy that had no diagnosis code on it. And the same thing happened with a pre-auth for a med he sent to my insurance company. I don't think he has enough support staff.\n\nI am usually good at finding info (I can find the CPT codes), but I am having trouble with the ICD codes.\n\nIs all this behind a paywall? I've been searching Medicare, CMS, and other sites, including my own insurance company's site, and I've found sites that \\*look\\* like they could help me, but they require subscriptions that cost thousands of dollars.", "answer": "Welcome to the stupidest part of medicine. I think you want [E53.8](https://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/E00-E89/E50-E64/E53-/E53.8), and that's the site I'd use to find ICD10 codes.\n\nHowever, before you go down the testing road, I have some concerns. As far as I know, MTHFR testing is largely not validated, but it's aggressively used by pseudo-medical quacks. If you aren't B12 deficient, you aren't B12 deficient and don't need to go down the rabbit hole.\n\nYou could get all of these labs, but in the absence of symptoms of B12 deficiency even testing B12 is of debatable value. The rest to me looks very questionable. As long as you're a vegetarian but not vegan and eat enough animal products, or have been taking B12 supplements, there's no immediate reason to assume deficiency.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m9hu9", "comment_id": "e7d15wp"}, {"question": "How do you form and maintain friendships? [F21]", "description": "I've gotten more and more aware of the fact that I am practically friend-less. I do have many acquaintances, mostly through college as well as from high school, but I have found that even those I used to consider my best friends have grown (or shrunk down) to only be acquaintances to me.\n\nHowever, I am desperate for some serious profound relationships in my life. I don't know whether I am just incapable of forming relationships in general or whether I'm someone people don't want to be friends with.\nThe fact that I've been single since forever doesn't really help my mindset. Despite this mindset, I'm not a depressed person or generally someone dragging others down. I have been told before that my attitude towards life has changed people's day for the better.\n\nSo here's  my question and at the same time TL;DR\n\nHow to you get from being acquaintances to friends and ultimately best friends; and how do you maintain these relationships?", "answer": "you increase contact and depth of conversation over time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jmsf", "comment_id": "dgqyjtv"}, {"question": "Sudden mood drop", "description": "Hi, so this morning I woke up and I was feeling a little sad for what I think was no reason (since nothing had happened for me to feel that way). After an hour or so, I started feeling better and went on with my day as normal. I went to school, did what I had to do, laughed and smiled- Even had a class where we all legitimately got curled up in a corner and fell asleep for a full hour (We're a small class, all very united- Like family. And yes, high school, just to point out.). Anyway, after school... I got home, and suddenly I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt lonely. I felt unwilling. Out of nowhere! I am still currently feeling this way- And I still don't know why. Could this be a problem? Bipolar disorder? Depression? Anything related or unrelated? Thank you, for any help.", "answer": "Not going to offer any diagnoses, but from the brief snippet of your day today, I am feel confident that you are not manifesting the traditional symptoms of bipolar disorder.  We all have random and sometimes indescribable changes in our moods.  Sometimes they last for an hour or two, possibly all day.  We can definitely wake up in the morning in a funk, but as the day goes on, things start to get better and our moods lighten.  This does not mean we are suffering from a mental illness, it means we are human.  \n\nPeople who suffer from bipolar disorder experience episodes of depression and mania (at least for bipolar 1).  These states exist on polar opposite ends of the spectrum from each other, hence the name bipolar.  In such a small, close, family-like class, I suspect someone would quickly become aware if you began to manifest these symptoms.  \n\nAlso, feeling uncomfortable emotions doesn't mean that we are sick or there's a problem.  High school isn't exactly the best place to be, IMHO, so I would reflect on which feelings may be accurate and normal versus those that are wayyyy out of your character.  If, one day, you come home to find your sister drank your last soda and you threw her tv out the window, that's something you probably want to mention.  Try writing your feelings out in a journal, then ripping it up and throwing them away if you don't want them around.  That can be a very therapeutic activity.  Typing or writing, just get it out.  The actual act of talking and knowing someone is hearing your words is also therapeutic, even if the person listening doesn't say much.  Give yourself a hug and, as hard as this may sound, try not to be hard on yourself if you're feeling down.  Get some good sleep, eat a healthy meal, and take some personal time out for yourself, if you can.\n\nI hope you feel better.  :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a5o0uz", "comment_id": "eboj8dm"}, {"question": "[20/m] I want to break up with my girlfriend [21/F] but don't know when due to her depression", "description": "To put it really simple she has depression, and even though she won't admit it. It feels like she relies on me for her stability. I don't know when or how I should end it but I need to because I am getting more unhappy with each day it continues. Any incite would be appreciated", "answer": "if you decide it's not for you, make sure she has lots of support when you end it. encourage her to see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wef8x", "comment_id": "de9fw0x"}, {"question": "Confused", "description": "Hey everyone I am in need of some serious advise. I am the mother of a 5 year old girl, and I split custody of her with my ex. \n\nI met someone about 3 months ago that I have been seeing on a regular basis. I am 39 and she is 35. My daughter has interacted with her short term twice now. \n\nHere is the issue. The girl I am seeing told me she is not really a kid person. She's been in past relationships with ppl who have had kids and she said she resented them bc the parent was always trying to force her to be a parent. \n\nWhen I asked her why she doesn't like kids she said bc she likes her freedom to come and go as she pleases. So far, it's been easy for her and I to date because we see each other on the days my child is not with me.\n\nI broke up with her about a month ago bc I felt that I needed to date someone who accepts the fact that I have a kid. A few days later she came back to me pleading for us to be together and telling me she really wants to try with me and my kid.\n\nOver Christmas, she called and asked me if she can come over and make cookies with my daughter and she did. \n\nNow, she has a 4 year old niece whom she simply adores and loves, and showers with affection. \n\nWe had a discussion the other day about a possible serious relationship and future together. She said she hadn't decided yet if that's something she wants....and to be honest I feel the same for the obvious reason.\n\nAnyone have a similar experience? Thougts and advise please!", "answer": "you just have to keep talking. she has to REALLY know if she can be a committed step-parent or it won't work. i would minimize her contact with your child until this issue is resolved. you don't want your daughter to get attached to someone who disappears.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lzbn0", "comment_id": "dbzkf3p"}, {"question": "I'm [22/F] really confused about a simple problem I'm having with my boyfriend [25/M]: he never asks me to go anywhere with him and if i ask him out somewhere he is ALWAYS busy", "description": "LONG STORY\nI met my boyfriend at work and we hit it off almost immediately. He has a good job, just got his own place and his own vehicle, and really seems like he has it all together. I felt a spark with him I'd never felt before, and i was sure this was going to be the solid relationship I was looking for. But we have one major problem. Anytime I ask him to do anything with me, he will cancel last minute saying that he is busy with something. And I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME. Last week I actually broke up with him for a day because he agreed to come to my mom's house to come swimming with me but I never received another text from him until late that night when i was headed home. He didn't even give me a reason that time, he just left me by myself and to me that was inexcusable. The next day I met him to receive some of my stuff and he apologized and admitted what he did was wrong so I gave him another chance, even though i was still angry when i learned that he didn't come because he was weed eating his yard. WTH??? Well, this Memorial Day, I figured we were going to finally be able to do something together because he was off work. When i asked him if we could see each other, he said that he was busy cooking with his landlord's family and he couldn't come over to my house because his car was blocked in. I called him, very hurt and confused as to why this was happening for the fifteenth time in a row. Frustrated, i told him that he needed to plan for a day just for the two of us and to tell everyone else that he already has plans for that day because i was so tired of him cancelling every single time in a two month period. He got angry about that, saying that i sounded just like his narcissistic parents and I was demanding too much of him, and pretty much said he needed a break for about two days. I don't get it. It feels like we've already been on a break for the past two months. He does visit me at work sometimes, and when we are together everything is great but this is so ridiculous! It's so frustrating because it's a simple solution to a simple problem. I've done everything from giving him gas money and surprising him with a heating pad when he was complaining about his back pain to always being there when he needs to talk about something. I've done everything i possibly can to resolve this issue but I don't know what else to do. I love him and he's a good man, i just don't know where to go from here. This is really damaging our relationship. Please, advice anyone??? ", "answer": "i wouldn't call him a bf.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6edhu1", "comment_id": "di9puaw"}, {"question": "I'm sick of being told to see a therapist", "description": "I'm not going to go into every detail about my situation, but suffice to say I've been dealing with crippling anxiety at the state of the world (especially climate change), and a general sense of depression and malaise for about four years now. It's been compounded by the impact it's had on my career, which is much less secure now than it was when this thing started, and my social circle, which has shrunk.\n\nOne thing that drives me more nuts than anything else, though, is when I bring this up to someone and all they do is tell me to see a therapist. Firstly, therapists cost $150 per hour where I live. Completely out of reach. Secondly, I already tried going to a therapist on two separate occasions. Both recommended the same useless overpriced mindfulness app, and neither were any help whatsoever. Thirdly, I'm not convinced that any of my problems, which are all connected to circumstances in the world around me, can be solved by sitting on a couch for an hour a week and talking.\n\nI just wish people would be willing to actually talk to me about what I'm going through. A bit of empathy and commiseration would go a long way. Instead friends and family alike just tell me to go pay a fortune to a stranger and talk to them instead.", "answer": "Sounds like your friends and family haven't been very supportive or there's been a communication issue there.\n\nI work as a therapist, and I do agree that in a lot of places mental health services can be prohibitively expensive. That's something we are continuing to try and work on to improve access.\n\nIn the meantime, it might be helpful, if you want to attempt to see someone again, to go through a local behavioral health facility or through a community initiative, like the [Open Path Collective](https://openpathcollective.org/), that can help you get services in your local area cheaply. NAMI also sometimes offers free support groups that can provide a sense of community and let you vent a bit.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dm0eay", "comment_id": "f4wivko"}, {"question": "Struggling with social skills and stress.Any advice", "description": "I am a single eighteen year old.\nJobless, flatting and studying at university.\nWeekday daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning going to university for couple hours. See friends for a couple of hours, go home watch TV, play Xbox or games on my laptop then fall asleep listening to music. Weekend daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning, watching movies, TV or playing Xbox or games on my laptop until evening where I will drink with friends and go out. \nFeeling very depressed recently and am not happy with my current lifestyle. \nI am boring. I am very self-conscious. No interests or hobbies I can relate to others with. I feel useless and sick of wasting my time. \nI am sick of being single. However I\u2019m so shy it\u2019s hard for me to meet new girls. I only feel comfortable with people after knowing them for a while and that\u2019s no good at a club. The only way I get a bit of confidence is when I drink. I can actually hold a conversation with new people I meet, when normally when I\u2019m sober I will struggle to hold a conversation. But I still won\u2019t have enough confidence to approach a girl. Even when I somehow manage to get with a girl once I\u2019ve sobered up I go back into my shell. I actually think my drinking\u2019s becoming a problem recently since I don\u2019t seem to be able to have fun at a pub or club unless I am drinking. It seems like i need it to have fun.\nI am not a very good people\u2019s person. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough around new people, until then I\u2019m socially awkward. I hate feeling this way and is a reason i don't look forward to working. I don\u2019t want to be forced to be in situations where I feel awkward for ages with co-workers or customers. It is also very hard to get a job for me without knowing people with my lack of job experience.\nI am quite short, only about 5\u201d7 possibly, and quite scrawny. Scared of being in a fight or hit. However I don\u2019t think I\u2019m that bad looking either. I have bad acne on my back and shoulders which I am very self-confident about though. I hate being short, having tiny arms and acne.\nI have wanted to take up boxing, to get over my fear of fighting and hopefully build self-confidence. Combined with exercise at the gym. I am currently too broke to do these and my lack of self-confidence makes me really out of place going to places like these, i won't know what im doing and usually too shy to ask for help. Plus my friends arent into gyms or boxing. I have also wanted to learn guitar and relearn the piano, but without both these instruments I cannot do this. I want something I am able to invest my time in and take my mind off life.\nI don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to friends about how bad I\u2019ve been feeling lately, especially after a mate recently announced to people he\u2019s depressed. I don\u2019t want to put my problems on friends and the few friends I am close enough to tell I don\u2019t see often since I\u2019m an hour away. It just seems to get more stressful for me the longer it goes on.\nI guess I want advice hopefully, possibly from people who have been in this situation and how they dealt with it. \n", "answer": "Thanks for sharing :) A few thoughts for you\n\n1) You should consider seeing a counselor. If you were sick you would go to a doctor, so if you are depressed you should see a therapist. They will help you with your depression and also with your confidence issues.\n2) It sounds like you are putting too much importance on finding a girl. Girls are nice but are not the only nice thing in life, and if you are fixated on meeting a girl then you will feel bad until that happens (which may not be for awhile). Find goals outside of meeting a girl and focus on them.\n3) You need to branch out and start adding new things to your life. Join a club, take a class in something you're interested in, go to a meetup event, visit a church, visit a museum, volunteer somewhere -- basically, do something that is outside of your routine where you will have the chance to learn and grow. Make a goal of doing one thing you've never done before, every week. Money may be an issue in some cases, but there are lots of free or low cost opportunities out there, and many places that charge will offer low-cost or free opportunities to students and people without much money (just ask!)\n4) Start running twenty minutes a day (or doing twenty minutes a day of some other kind of exercise.) If your body is not healthy then your emotions will not be healthy either. You're not trying to turn into Hercules or anything -- you just want to be in ok shape and get your blood flowing.\n5) Consider telling some of your friends about how you're feeling. If they are close friends and they care about you, hopefully they will respond with empathy and kindness. You should especially do this if the depression gets worse and you start considering harming yourself.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1guqxt", "comment_id": "cap95cx"}, {"question": "General questions about neuropsychological testing", "description": "I recently learned of psychoneurological testing and I find it interesting. While I do have memory complaints, I'm a fully-functional adult with no serious issues. However, I'd like to undergo a psychoneurological test for fun/curiosity's sake. Is there a publicly-available test that I could have a friend perform on me? Is this something that only a medical professional can perform? If it really should be done by a medical professional, is it really expensive (I assume insurance won't pay for it b/c it is not necessary) or something that I could find a physician doing on the side? If so, how would I go about finding a reputable physician to do such testing?\n    \nAnything else that I should know?\n    \nThanks!", "answer": "Most neurocognitive testing is mainly related to dementia. You definitely dont have this. If you do want to amuse yourself, you could Google \"Addenbrookes Cognitive Examination\" and find a copy online.\n\nYou might not want to practice too hard though - if you are unfortunate to have cognitive decline, you might overperform in tests and be misdiagnosed!\n\nCant comment on neurocognitive fees - its free in the UK.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y05ya", "comment_id": "d6k2ztp"}, {"question": "how do I talk to people", "description": "I can only talk to someone if they have something I need.  whether I need to borrow something, or ask them a question.  \n\nI can't just strike up a random conversation with a stranger.  And there is no way in hell I can make a friend from that.  \n\nI just freeze up and stutter and just look like a fool.  ", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is basically exactly what you're looking for. Good luck, and don't forget to practice! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13x0hg", "comment_id": "c782s94"}, {"question": "Wtf do I do", "description": "So I'm a 16 yo guy and I am the worst at relationships with girls. I swear. I have still not kissed a girl and the longest I've been in a relationship with one is 7months. Over the past 2 months I've spoken to girls over social media and they seem interested but I can never muster up the strength to ask them out. I am very awkward when it comes to public interaction and I am also very socially anxious. I spent most of my time inside and cannot get any girls to go out anywhere with me. I literally spent 50 days on social media with a girl and she turns out to be bi and decided to like a girl. I asked her out and she took it as a joke and blew it off. I spent time talking to another girl who is attractive and seriously cute. I try to get a streak with her which lasted 36 days before she blocked me. I really don't know what to do. I know I may be young but it's getting to the point where I am just getting pissed off. I have 0 confidence as it stands so this doesn't help. What do I do? ", "answer": "find an adult you trust to talk to; even a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ri5t9", "comment_id": "dd7j0xc"}, {"question": "Heads been feeling weird for about 3 months. Now prescribed lexapro?", "description": "So long post but bear with me please. 26 Hisapnic Male 6 feet 220 lb\n\n   At the start of November I was playing basketball (i play about 3 times a week for years) and felt a weird feeling in my head that's difficult to explain. Not quite dizzy but just not right along with what felt like an elevated hear rate. I went home,  rested  and fell asleep. \n\nI woke up ok the next morning and went to work but soon headed to urgent care because the feeling in my head started again and I got cold and sweaty. Had an ekg done bp was fine and so was my glucose level so i got sent home as I soon felt better. That night i had to go to the er because i woke up to what I can only describe as strong waves of that head feeling and i lost sensation on some of my face and arm and i felt like i couldn't swallow anything. Got a ct done on my chest to check for blood clots had blood work ran and once again everything seemed fine and i felt better after a couple hours. \n\n I was told to follow up with my gp and take it from there. So My gp immediately thought they were panic attacks and prescribed me xanax to take at night. I took time off work for 2 weeks because of this but the rest and xanax  were not really helping at all (except for sleeping good throughout the night because of the xanax). I would randomly have that feeling in my head throughout the ongoing week and it would just wreck me. I would hug pillows and just close my eyes hoping it would go away. My gp than referred me to a neurologist to get his opinion and he ordered a ct of my head done and took me off of the xanax as he said he didnt think i needed it, and once again everything came out fine with the ct. \n    \n\n   Over that time I started feeling better but would still  get that sensation in my head although not as strong (although now accompanied by tiny headaches on my temple). My gp than put me on 10 mg of propranolol to try out and I basically took that for a month and a half and honestly I don't feel like it made a difference. \n \n   Now its January and i'm tired of feeling like this and in this latest followup with my gp he says he thinks its anxiety/depression and prescribed me 10 mg lexapro but i dont feel like I'm depressed or anxious? I'm honestly hesitant on taking the lexapro but I'm willing to give it a shot as i'm just fed up with not feeling normal.\n\nI'm just wondering if it's normal to be prescribed lexapro for something like this?\n\n", "answer": "I think it reflects the fact that it's not clear what's going on. Escitalopram is a reasonable choice of drug to manage your reported symptoms, but id certainly keep an open mind about what is actually going on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p0tso", "comment_id": "dcppvc3"}, {"question": "I am 20 years old and getting an abortion next Wednesday. I am terrified. mmfb. ", "description": "I (20) am 6 weeks pregnant. The father (21) of the embryo wants me to abort for the sake of our futures. I was going to keep it. I love it's father and every time I think about this little thing growing inside of me and what it would be like if I kept it. I imagine it looking just like him with beautiful blond hair and smart little hazel eyes. I was going to keep the baby but instead I am going to kill it. To \"nip it in the bud\". I feel so incredibly conflicted. I think of the children I will have some day and I think of how much better off they will be with a mom who has a good job and has saved money for them. I'm afraid though and I don't know what to do or how to cope with this abortion I know I need but god I don't want it. Not to mention there are TONS of pregnant people that I have to be around all the time. I don't know what to do, I feel so weak.", "answer": "I am so sorry that so many people invaded this thread with the express intention of making you feel guilty. \n\nIt's important for you to remember that it is your body and your choice. Your boyfriend doesn't get to decide. Random people on the internet don't get to decide. You get to decide. \n\nNo matter what you choose, you are not a bad person. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. ", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "16sr3d", "comment_id": "c80j1ca"}, {"question": "Lexapro to 5 htp", "description": "I'm a 27 year old female, 168 lbs, been on Lexapro for twelve years for depression (20 mg). I really want to get off of the Lexapro and do the 5 htp. Should I taper off the Lexapro and once I'm off of it start 5 htp? Stop taking Lexapro and start taking 5 htp? I do plan on asking my doctor about this just wanted some input on the switch. ", "answer": "There\u2019s missing information here. Why do you want to do this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ayr53w", "comment_id": "ei2rptz"}, {"question": "Can i ask my doctor for a therapist", "description": "Im 14F and i\u2019ve been hiding my dark thoughts from everyone and need to ask for help before i do something bad. \n\nI need to know how to ask my doctor for a therapist, i can\u2019t ask my parents because they are nurses and \u201cknow when someones faking it\u201d \n\nWhat should i do about this? What should i ask my doctor?", "answer": "Depends where you live. You could also seek support from school too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d9uyad", "comment_id": "f1ltdwo"}, {"question": "Question for people with anxiety what do you guys like about it if anything?", "description": "I am doing a project and was curious about what you guys love and hate about having anxiety?", "answer": "I don't particularly like anything about social anxiety, with the exception that I'm also a bit of a thrill seeker.  Performing music live sends me to a near panic attack, but I roll with it, get into a flow state, and it's one of the best natural highs I've been able to experience.  \n\n\nGeneral anxiety while never feels good is what motivates me get done the things I need or want to get done but generally don't feel like doing.  The only way to relieve the anxiety caused over unfinished business is to finish it.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9f92zn", "comment_id": "e5uqbca"}, {"question": "How harmful is 4-6 drinks each weekend night? 12 max in a week?", "description": "I\u2019m a male, 24 years old, 185lbs, 6 feet tall \n\nNo drug use and no medical conditions\n\nIn college I used to drink quite a bit, well way more than I know is good for me. Towards the end I was drinking 5 nights a week 4-6 drinks. Usually beers.  Yeah, I\u2019m not gonna lie it was fun, but horrible for me. I didn\u2019t experience any adverse symptoms but I know I did t wanna live that lifestyle for ever. \n\nOver the last year since graduating, I\u2019ve cut way back 10-12 max in a week. I no longer drink on weekdays. \n\n**BUT** \n\nOn nearly every weekend (Friday and Saturday) I drink 4-6 drinks.  Occasionally just 2-3 but, 5 is my sweet spot. \n\nJust to paint a picture, all my physicals are good, blood tests good, I workout daily, eat relatively healthy. (I love getting drunk and eating pizza/burger/ice cream - my favorite past time). I\u2019ve got a 6 pack, a real one from lifting and dieting. I work out about 10x a week, lifting daily, and cardio 3-4 times a week after work for a half hour. I don\u2019t smoke, or do any drugs. Not trying to justify drinking that level I consume, but trying to give an accurate representation of my health and sorta point out that in my opinion it\u2019s really the only bad thing I do to my body. \n\nBrings me to my question, just HOW bad is this?  So bad I should stop this behavior at immediately?", "answer": "Drinking more than three drinks a day is not recommended, and significant alcohol consumption is linked to a wide variety of health risks. There\u2019s no clear safe maximum; more is worse, and more at once is riskier than some spread out over more time. \n\nThe healthiest option is not to drink. Most people don\u2019t live their lives for optimized health. Still, not binge drinking is better for you. Lower risk of cancer, probably heart disease, and definitely accident while intoxicated.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dfakby", "comment_id": "f321ax1"}, {"question": "Question about CBD treatment for anxiety", "description": "Hi there,\n\n​\n\nNot looking to be diagnosed necessarily. My doctor recently (about 1 year ago) prescribed Sertraline to me for general anxiety. After giving it an honest try, I've decided I hate it. The more I read about anti-anxiety/depression/SSRI's, the less interested I am in being on one.\n\n​\n\nI'm wondering if anybody has had experience treating anxiety through the use of CBD or supplementing a pharmaceutical with CBD to make it more effective? I've taken CBD before but not for the express use of helping with stress and anxiousness-- usually just infused in a gummy in conjunction with THC.\n\n​\n\nThank you in advance for any and all input. Because I know it may be thrown out there: no I will not stop smoking pot. Yes I know it can contribute to anxiety. But the anxiety stems predominantly from what my doctor has referred to as global PTSD as a result of some shitty things I won't make you read about.\n\n​\n\nAbout me:\n\nFemale\n\n26 YO\n\n5'7\n\n140-ish lbs\n\nWhite\n\nCurrently in treatment and seeing a therapist weekly! Progress has been made\n\nHave been on Sertraline for about a year. Would prefer a homeopathic method of care\n\nNot depressed-- not an observation by me, but by both of my doctors\n\nNot on any other medications, save for birth control\n\nNo other medical concerns\n\nSmoke weed, drink, some rec drug use (namely cocaine, mushrooms), but no tobacco\n\nExercise less than I should (I know, I know)", "answer": "The evidence for cannabis overall in anxiety is mixed and complicated, and there is probably a non-linear dose response to CBD but not really enough data to say anything with confidence.\n\nI am always left somewhat baffled by decisions to avoid SSRIs. No, they are not perfect\u2014but they are at least very well studied. The risks are lower and the effectiveness is clearly there compared to going off into the weeds of cannabis and cannabinoids, if you\u2019ll excuse the pun.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "brdhby", "comment_id": "eocuifa"}, {"question": "What do I do if I'm not really good at anything?", "description": "Alright, so I'm feeling a bit depressed right now since I don't really have any skills. I'm not *good* at anything. At least, nothing that I'm likely to actually be able to have a conversation about. But the problem is, these sorts of skills, such as playing music, speaking another language, having a culture, etc. are all things that people tend to more or less start from early childhood. So, like, what am I supposed to do about this? The closest I've come is that I had a stint where I was interested in drawing. Problem was that I just sort of stopped after about 5 years of having not a single drawing really be aesthetically pleasing.\n\nSo again, how does one get good at something that people actually talk about?", "answer": "You're not not good at anything, you just haven't found it.\n\nI'm not bad at leading groups of people, though youd never guess when I were younger.\n\nPeople develop, so will you.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "59yyq7", "comment_id": "d9cm7nk"}, {"question": "[help] Does anyone here have any experience of EMDR?", "description": "Someone suggested that I try it but as its not on the NHS I feel like I need to know more before I pursue it. So anyone? Any experiences or useful nuggets of information?", "answer": "It's essentially exposure therapy and some other tried & true therapeutic techniques with extra (unscientific) stuff tossed in to make it seem fancy. It has some research evidence to show that it works, however it is not for the reason they claim.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1d8spv", "comment_id": "c9o36ky"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Sorry you're going through this.  I certainly know how stressful grad school can be. It sounds like you've got an awful lot going on.  I'm glad to hear that you're considering cutting down on your work hours.  I'm not sure what kind of program you're in, if you'll have to do internships or anything like that, but it would be hard for most people to juggle everything successfully.  \n\nIt may be helpful to take some time to prioritize your priorities.  You only have so much energy and so much time.  You may not be able to take care of everything all at once.  \n\nAlways remember that the majority of things in your life that are stressing you out can be changed (albeit with some consequences)\n\nGrad school too much for you right now?  Quit or put it off for another time.  \n\nYou don't like your job?  Find a new one!\n\nNothing feels good?  Get out there and try some new things.  \n\nI know some of these things sound easier said than done, but honestly that's just your depression talking.  There as simple as having a positive thought for one second and acting on it.  I generally don't recommend such rash decisions and I'm not recommending you necessarily do these things now, but knowing that you could at any given moment may be helpful in not feeling so trapped.  Best of luck!\n\nI a Licensed Professional Counselor working out of Philadelphia, PA, United States.  I write a blog that tackles various general issues pertaining to psychology and mental health.  Due to some reader's requests, I plan on beginning a Question and Answer segment which I will post either once or twice a month depending on how many questions I receive (along with my weekly general topic posts).  \n\nPlease let me know if you would like to participate.  Hopefully I will be able to help you and your question will shed some light on an issue that may help others going through something similar!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/ask-web-shrink/)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6woiz8", "comment_id": "dm9nmwy"}, {"question": "How do you push through shame / embarrassment? Super long post...sorry.", "description": "Every time I get a little bit of sobriety under my belt (only a week or so) I find myself with crippling anxiety surrounding things I did when I was drunk. It gets so bad that it almost feels like my brain trying to trick me into drinking. \n\nI\u2019ve done many things while drunk that in retrospect could, and probably should, have had dire consequences. I had a dui. I\u2019ve been so wasted and confused that strangers had to get me home. I\u2019ve blacked out while watching my child. I\u2019ve woken up with a black eye and no idea how it got there (later found out I face planted a toilet), I\u2019ve gotten in a wreck and had police let me go into the custody of my spouse, because (I was told)  I was telling them I did it on purpose because I wanted to die. Also many instances of self harm. All of these occurred over a 2-3 year period, when I was finally opening up and trying to work through a good bit of childhood trauma. After therapy, medication, etc...my drinking slowed down substantially but never stopped.\n\nIn the years since that, the drinking disasters have become less jail/death and more social/family disruption. Fighting with my husband. Being drunk in my best friends wedding. Crying to my mom for hours about my dad who passed over 20 years ago. Drunk texting people I hadn\u2019t spoken to in years, for no reason. Blacking out in front of my in-laws and being way too open about emotional/personal things that were inappropriate in the setting.  Telling people\u2019s secrets and talking behind people\u2019s backs...which is something I really dislike in a person. Being so blacked out for things that I looked forward to, that I don\u2019t feel like I was even there...and can never get them back.  Making plans with friends and then passing out before we could really do it. The list goes on and on. \n\nThe weird thing (I think it\u2019s weird) is that my anxiety centers solely on this second group of behaviors, not the first. I don\u2019t sit around thinking, I could have killed someone, I could have lost my child or my vision, I could be in prison. I think, I bet the other bridesmaids think I\u2019m the worst friend ever, my mother-in-law must hate that her son married me, I wasted my friends time, I don\u2019t deserve these people. \n\nI\u2019ve been very lucky in how much I haven\u2019t lost so far. I still have my family, friends, and career that I started with...though the relationships have changed and shifted. Some for better, some for worse, but they\u2019re all still there. I am very emotional, empathetic, and have a huge fear of \u201closing people.\u201d I have always felt insecure in my relationships and that I inherently am not good enough (that\u2019s a totally different 14 pg post...). While I have done things that are embarrassing and disruptive, the level of shame I carry with me seems totally out of proportion (for the social stuff not the serious stuff).\n\nFor example, My friends wedding was just under a year ago. We had all drank before the ceremony, but I obviously drank the most. I cried throughout the ceremony, (which I always do) but her uncle, who I\u2019ve known for years, picked on me about it. The rest of the night was a blast, we danced / ate / drank. I saw her the next morning and have seen her numerous times since then. She had never once made me feel like she even noticed or cared about the crying. I have had massive anxiety about it for an entire year. I feel like I\u2019ve rewritten the entire day in my head, where I was obnoxious, offensive, embarrassing, sloppy...though ive been assured numerous times I wasnt. I\u2019ve even had myself convinced that I stood in the wrong place, and half believed it until I saw the pictures. Sometimes it\u2019s so bad. I get to the point that I have had to pull over and call my husband sobbing. I went to therapy and she said it\u2019s not about the wedding, it\u2019s something else. \n\nI\u2019m so confused as to why I can\u2019t let go of something like the wedding, but I don\u2019t feel much when I think of the wreck. I know AA says make amends, but I can honestly say I\u2019m not capable of that, at least at this point. The thought of it makes me want lots of vodka. So, is there anything I can do to help move on? I try to get it into perspective by telling myself, \u201cpeople have their own lives. That was just a blip on their radar. Everyone still loves you. You\u2019re the only person still thinking about it.\u201d But it feels like my brain won\u2019t let me move past these things. If I\u2019m not actively engaged in trying to keep from drinking, it doesn\u2019t bother me that much. I can go weeks without thinking of it (even when not really drinking that much), but soon after the day I decide to commit, it\u2019s right back there as powerful as ever.\n\nIs it possible to move on from the past versions of yourself? I feel like I\u2019m too embarrassed and ashamed of that person to move forward as a new person. It feels like being on one of those body swapping movies (think parent trap) only to arrive at your new life and realize your secret clone has left you with a lot of ugly / embarrassing social garbage to clean up, so it would be easier to just return to your British/castle/awesome life...and I normally look in a bottle for that one. ", "answer": "Hi. In brief..... i wonder if you have a broader difficulty with severe anxiety/emotional dysregulation. That experience of getting totally stuck on past events could be a symptom of anxiety. Often ongoing anxiety brings down mood too as it can be so impairing in your daily life. Have you tried any treatment specific to this? Also, for you your identity might be very much focused on relationships and your interpersonal functioning so its natural that events related to these keep your focus and distress you ++, even though you have had even riskier experiences. Just a few thoughts...best wishes and good luck. Iwndwyt.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91hxhu", "comment_id": "e2yiirt"}, {"question": "Visualisation/hypnosis etc anger", "description": "Hi. I've found the above e.g. visualisation/hypnosis exercises usefull for stress etc. Has anyone came across similar for anger? Thanks. Best wishes.", "answer": "Anyone with any ideas on this?", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "93f1un", "comment_id": "e3ejano"}, {"question": "Have any authors written about shyness?", "description": "I've read the book Quiet by Susan Cain and was wanting to know more about the topic of shyness.\n\nI'm not necessarily interesting in a manual about what to do with regards to shyness as much as understanding it more, especially from someone who has studied it under a scientific perspective.", "answer": "Shyness: A Bold New Approach https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060930683/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_a4GGwbXZYBATP\n\n\nHe takes a scientific and psychological approach as well.   He also includes some practical information.   He spoke at my university when I was an undergrad and I got a lot out of it.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3ylqgo", "comment_id": "cyemo6g"}, {"question": "ADD medication and anxiety - my psychiatrist doesn't want to prescribe me ADD meds.", "description": "I'm currently taking cymbalta and wellbutrin for my anxiety and depression. \n\nI go to a clinic which has high turnover apparently because I've had 3 psychiatrists and the most recent one is leaving and a new one is coming in.\n\nEvery time I bring up my ADD and how many problems it gives me, there are a few specific reasons why they don't want to give it to me:\n\n* ADD meds would just make my anxiety worse.\n* ADD meds don't make much of a difference anyway, it wouldn't be worth it.\n* The wellbutrin should be helping a bit with that.\n\nI mean wellbutrin is great and all but I am CONSTANTLY forgetful, always in a fog, my attention span is NON-EXISTENT.\n\nI browse this sub a lot and when I see people talking about meds making their lives easier, it gives me so much hope. Why am I having such an issue getting help with mine? ", "answer": "I would agree with switching psychiatrists and find one who specializes in ADHD. Sure, some ADHD meds might make you more anxious, but the right one may calm you down if you do in fact have ADHD. If your psychiatrist doesn\u2019t know this, it is a good thing for him to not be prescribing these medications to you because he is undereducated about the diagnosis. You\u2019ll have a better time with a specialist I think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aabvad", "comment_id": "ecqnaqr"}, {"question": "Nightshade vegetables", "description": "Hi ladies, quick question. I have heard that PCOS is an autoimmune condition. With that in mind, now I am actually taking my health seriously, should I be avoiding/reducing my intake of nightshade vegetables? Any advice welcome! ", "answer": "How do you feel after you eat them? Night shades aren\u2019t automatically out for folks with autoimmune issues, but generally are rec to be trialed. This is more about your unique body and how you feel than PCOS in general IMO. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ap7371", "comment_id": "eg7hk8l"}, {"question": "(rant) Psychiatrist dropped me because he \"no longer wants to prescribe controlled substances\"", "description": "I hate this. It feels like despite years of diagnostic and treatment history, it's even odds that a medical professional will look at me and say, \"this one's faking.\"\n\n(I know the psychiatrist never actually said he no longer wants to prescribe *to me*. There's a plausible cognitive reframing: CA did recently ratchet up the bureaucracy connected with prescribing controlled substances, and this psychiatrist isn't very good with technology, so he really might be making an across-the-board policy change. But even if *this* guy isn't doubting me, it's even odds the next one will. The pharmacist will for sure.)\n\nAnd of course, I'm leaving the country for three weeks in a couple of days, so here's to unscheduled medical non-compliance.\n\nUgh.", "answer": "This is patient abandonment if your doctor just stopped seeing you without helping you find a new doctor and didn\u2019t give you any medication to get through until you can see a new doctor. Please contact your state\u2019s medical board to report this. You should also call the doctor and demand that he assist you with some type of transition plan. If he gives you a hard time, just throw in the phrase \u201cpatient abandonment\u201d somewhere in the conversation. I bet he\u2019ll decide it\u2019s in his best interest to help you because patient abandonment is a big no-no.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a5ygb8", "comment_id": "ebqbkif"}, {"question": "Witnessing potential child neglect.", "description": "I live in a compact trailer park in Idaho. Daily there are 4-6 kids from a single trailer ranging in ages from 4-12 maybe, who have no adult supervision throughout all hours of day. The trailer park is a one way in and out loop. When these kids pass by playing I have noticed that when they speak to each other, it sounds like nothing that would pass as intelligible English, when it should be. According to the parents, they are homeschooled, but I have never seen these kids inside of the house during the day. I'm wondering if I should just leave it be, or contact the proper channels. ", "answer": "I suggest contacting your county's social services. Even if nothing comes of it, it will at least be documented. Therefore, down the road if someone else reports neglect it may be taken more seriously. It's also possible that other complaints have already been filed and yours will be the one that gets the kids the help they need! :)\n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "261i9o", "comment_id": "chmuakb"}, {"question": "I recently took nueropsych testing. I am very concerned that something was missed.", "description": "To  start with I recently went to a psychologist. I took testing and got  diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was kind of relieved, as I've  been terrified that I am developing schizophrenia and long story short,  I've been over analyzing every thought and perceived sense to check to  see if I am experiencing schizophrenia symptoms. The therapist that  tested me said that my reality testing was good after the test.\n\nSo  I've been experiencing a symptom (or to be specific, a group of  symptoms) since May. This was jump started after I had a series if panic  attacks. The symptom(s) I am describing are not constant (thank God), and  it usually starts in the afternoon: I feel off, I am not sure how to  describe it. Along with this, my eyes physically feel weird, I feel cold at times. My perception seems off as well. Certain objects seem further  away, closer, larger or smaller (this may just be a placebo). My emotions are dulled, and I feel  disconnected from my thoughts and emotions (I know all of my thoughts are mine, but I feel disconnected from them, if that makes sense). I get extremely anxious.  Stuff around me seems different as well, like everything feels off. My  memory has gotten extremely bad (took me 10 seconds to remember my  mother's name recently). I also couldn't even remember going to a store to purchase a game recently. Certain events that happened recently feel like  they happened a long time ago. I get extremely anxious from all of this due to not knowing what it could be. Maybe this is caused by something psychical and not mental?\n\nI  write this because I have no idea what to do. I'm terrified. I'm in an  extremely stressful environment ( my mother yells at me all the time and  is extremely negative), so it probably doesn't help at all. I'm honestly  wondering if I should go to the hospital. I'm scared if I don't do  anything about this then I will feel like this forever. I don't see this  ever getting better :(\n\nI guess I  should add that I am on buspar (15mg 3x a day) and rispiridole (1mg 1x a  day). After tonight, I am not sure if these meds are helping me. I should also add that I am not going to see my therapist for several weeks.", "answer": "It sounds like there\u2019s some dissociation going on (but that\u2019s only my opinion based on what you shared....it\u2019s by no means a diagnosis).  If it was depersonalization or derealization then you would feel like a robot walking through your day and that nothing around you is real (those do come with dissociation, but there\u2019s the other criteria too).  Dissociation can be due to stress or trauma. It\u2019s common to happen with depression and anxiety. It\u2019s the body/brains way of protecting itself. I would see if you can go in to see your therapist sooner and talk with them about this some more. It is very scary to experience and you\u2019re just not able to feel like yourself. \nThere are some grounding exercises that your therapist might be able to give you so that you can try to help bring yourself back to the moment/here and now.  Try to keep yourself calm when you feel it happening and talk yourself through it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eajjjg", "comment_id": "faukgsl"}, {"question": "I hate weed more than other drugs", "description": "Because it's so widely accepted and casual. If you tell someone you have a weed problem, they'll laugh at you and say \"it's just willpower\" or saying \"just do it in moderation\".  \n\nNow that it's basically legal where I live, it's everywhere. EVERYBODY SMOKES.     \n\nIt's not that hard to resist temptation, unless you're on day 40 and had the shittiest day ever and are going through mad psychological withdrawals and someone offers you a hit of that joint you know will make everything feel good again.    \n\nNo one takes you seriously when you explain that you've psychologically depended on weed for the last 15 years and that you go mentally insane without it. That your neurochemistry goes haywire for months on end. That you don't know how to cope with life outside of weed. That you don't know how to make up for the loss time you wasted being high. That you've built a whole lifestyle, personality, and identity around smoking weed, even if it wasn't intentional.    \n\nEdit: and I'm starting to realize it's also just very easy to fit into every aspect of life. It's not a habit that you have to hide from people like other drugs, and it's not so strong that it completely impairs you, so you can smoke it all the time and before you know it, everything you do is now associated with weed, and your unconscious brain now makes those associations.  ", "answer": "Are you in therapy? I've found a lot of people smoke to self medicate. Therapy might help with some of the psychological cravings", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "46jhqm", "comment_id": "d05rhw2"}, {"question": "My (20M) ex boyfriend (20M) who I've been dating for the past 5 months but have lived with for the past year broke up with me out of nowhere and I have absolutely no closure on any part of the situation.", "description": "(Long story, but ultimately looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about dissociative identity disorder / trauma / how to handle a break-up)\n\nMy ex boyfriend and I met on the first day of university last year, since he lived in the dorm room next to me. He had a crush on me for the entirety of our first semester of uni, and I knew he did, and he also knew that I did not return his feelings at the time. Still, he was basically my best friend for those 5 months and we talked/hung out every day.\n\nAt the end of the first semester I began developing feelings for him too, but I was too scared to do anything about it until I confessed to him at the end of last January and we started dating. When COVID hit and universities started to close their dorms, I convinced my parents to let him live with us because his family is incredibly abusive. So, he lived at my house for 1.5 months and met my whole family and everything seemed great. I've never felt so comfortable and so secure around anyone in my life.\n\nBut in the middle of may he went back to live with his family because the school year had finished. His family plays a very important part in this story. His mother is insanely sensitive/emotionally manipulative/anxious/homophobic and very much a traditionalist, and his father has physically and sexually abused him throughout his life. He has not told me much of these details directly, but I can infer things from what he has told me and whenever he talks about how terrible his parents are he tends to laugh it off.\n\nSince summer started, I have not seen him or talked to him over the phone (only text) until about three weeks ago when I visited his house. Being at his house was the most awkward thing I have ever experienced. There were holes in his ceiling at various locations throughout the house and periodically there was just pieces of wood instead of ceiling (which my ex said was to cover water damage). None of the doors in his house had locks on them and there were security cameras everywhere inside. Besides that, his house was absolutely spotless (think: Ikea showroom. Even his bedroom looked fake) and throughout the entire time I was there his mom was cleaning up things and watching us from a distance. I was anxious the entire time I was there and I even mentioned to him how I understand now why he cannot stand being at his parents house. I have never felt as terrible as I felt when I was at that house.\n\nWell, 2 days ago he starts texting me about how he wants to go to therapy and he's scared it's going to unearth dissociative identity disorder because he's been compartmentalizing his trauma/stress all his life. I know enough about DID to know the implications of that but I've never had lived experience with knowing someone who had DID. So of course I told him that no matter what happens I'll always be there for him. Immediately afterwards, he sends me a text basically saying that after some self reflection he has decided to break up with me. I kept asking why, and he keeps saying it's because ever since 3 weeks ago he has just felt no romantic attraction to me (even though I haven't seen him or talked to him and we have been exceptionally close for the past year). I kept telling him that that makes no sense and that I've known him so well and that if he stopped having feelings for me, there has to be a reason why, but he keeps stating that it's normal to randomly lose feelings for people and that there doesn't have to be a reason. I've begged him to literally tell me any reason why and he just kept getting frustrated with me and told me that it's normal to lose feelings. He also said that he did 100% feel attracted to me when he was living with me at college and at my house, but says \"I have a problem with mirroring other people's emotions so I don't know how much of my attraction was just mirroring your attraction but I can promise you I did feel attraction to you that entire time\".\n\nI am just so lost right now. It just doesn't make sense. He's supposed to be my roommate at university next year so I asked him if we could maybe just take a break instead of breaking up entirely since his lack of attraction is so out of nowhere, but he was very adamantly opposed to that idea. I have no idea what to do or what to think or how to rationalize this and I won't have any type of closure until I see him at university in two months.\n\nNone of it makes sense and I have no idea how much of it is me being in denial or how much of it is a result of his mental state or his parents or anything and I would just like some outside input and any advice on how to cope at all.", "answer": "This must be so hurtful! \n\nWhatever the heck happened,  he is making it really clear he needs space.  We don't know what is happening on his end , and  may be going through something pretty serious.  If you can, it may be helpful if you can seek support from someone other than him for your legitimate pain. I worry that he is further burdened by your emotional reaction and can't respond if he is in crisis. \n\nYou clearly care very much about this man and I hope you get answers.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hjiedl", "comment_id": "fwndfzk"}, {"question": "is it possible to get over social anxiety???", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Therapist here.  So here's the thing with anxiety in general and social anxiety.  Everyone has it.  It's a normal part of life.  You, me, and everyone else will have anxiety until the day we die, so to this extent, you won't ever \"get over it\".  \n\n\nNow.... for some good news.  Some people are born to be more sensitive and anxious than others.  Some people are conditioned that way.  Your anxiety will never go away, but you can become stronger and braver.  \n\n\nBravery is doing the things that make you anxious even though you have the anxiety.  The more you practice this, the better you get.  Over time, the anxiety is still there, but just doesn't bother you as much.  It takes a lot of will power and work to do this though.  Therapy can be very helpful.  \n\n\nSpeaking personally, I can say that I absolutely hated high school.  I was depressed, anxious, and went through some crazy mood swings.  When I moved away out of my parents house and my hometown at 17 to go live on campus where I went to college it was an entirely different world.  Once again, the anxiety, the mood swings, everything else was still there, but being in the college environment helped give me the tools I needed to get stronger and face all of it.  \n\n\nI'm 32.  I still have a ton of anxiety.  It sucks when it really hits me, feels fucking terrible, but overall, it doesn't keep me from doing things or living my best life the way it did when I was younger.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bbmtg6", "comment_id": "ekjvsqq"}, {"question": "Cycling Gives me what Alcohol Never Could", "description": "1. Mental clarity.  Long hard rides quiet my obsessive mind, not only during the ride, but for hours afterwards-compared to the short lived relief of a beer buzz followed by the anxiety wave.  My focus narrows so there is only me, the road, and the bike.  If I find my mind wandering, I push the pedals harder.  \n\n2. Health.  I'm feeling great and my body is working at an optimal level.  If hangovers had an opposite, this would be it.\n\n3. The Post Ride Feast.  After a long hilly ride on just a bowl of oatmeal and a coffee, lunch unlocks a next level of enjoyment.  Yesterday was a fish sandwich and onion rings at a little town in the middle of nowhere.  About as far as you can get from a boozy taco bell binge.\n\n4. Friends.  As an introvert, I have difficulty holding a conversation at times, and would lean on alcohol.  However, when stopped for a post-ride coffee at a spot popular with cyclists, there are a million things to talk about.  Where you coming from, nice bike, how do you like those wheels, nice having that tailwind coming in, how great was that descent!  \n\nLegs are shot today so I'm going to do a slow spin over a (relatively-SF bay area!) flat course.  Any day in spandex is a good day.\n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "This is so awesome! This post and all its comments! - I guess we're all in the same boat. I've been far more dedicated to cycling since being sober. It's my obsessive outlet and has given so much to me. New sober friends - my mind. My fitness. My drive to get my ass in bed early and up and moving. Coffee gulping and pastry smashing - I've put In over 2k miles this year. I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU ALL TODAY! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "6uvfq0", "comment_id": "dlwt8ny"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel anger towards themselves for showing emotion?", "description": "Especially in front of other individuals? Like it somehow makes you vulnerable, or you've let yourself down in some sense. As if in some way, you've failed to keep some unspoken promise to yourself?", "answer": "In my family as a kid the only safe emotion to show was anger. One time I was in the car with my family and I was feeling very hurt and frustrated because some friends at school were causing some drama that resulted in me feeling like they didn\u2019t care about me. I wasn\u2019t saying anything about it of course but it was brewing up inside of me. One of my parents asked me a question and it caused me to start to yell about how this person or that person sucked. And then, accidentally, I started to cry and my anger turned to sadness and I started saying how I felt like none of my friends liked me or cared about me and I\u2019m not good enough for them. I cried about how I felt like I didn\u2019t have any \u201creal\u201d friends. No one responded. Just silence. \n\nA few days later I was about to leave the house to hang out with some people and my brother goes \u201cwhere are you going? Remember, you don\u2019t have any friends! *snicker/evil grin*\u201d \n\nLet a primary emotion slip out and my family never let you forget it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80kbjf", "comment_id": "duwpdxu"}, {"question": "How clear is the research on sleeping in the same room as a baby reducing SIDS?", "description": "Let me state up front, my wife is just doing what she thinks is best for her health, and our child's.  Likewise, I'm doing the same. We have a major disagreement on the weight we should place on the medical advice from our pediatrician, and have reached an impasse. She wants to let our 2mo sleep in the crib across the hall while we sleep in our room with a monitor because she thinks we'll get more sleep (even though she acknowledge that I was right in that we could get quite a bit less). Our pediatrician has said that among other things, sleeping in the same room reduces the risk of SIDS.\n\nI have no reason to believe our pediatrician would state this without sufficient data and reason, but my wife's hunch is that our pediatrician might be too conservative, might just be \"touting the party line from the Academy of Pediatrics/hospital\", or might be taking the most conservative angle to avoid risking lawsuits.\n\nI'm honestly at a loss. We picked our pediatrician because we respected her approach and expertise.  But my wife has said this is a parenting issue and not a medical issue, and our pediatrician doesn't get to tell us how to parent because every child is different.\n\nI agree with that on some level, but ultimately because I know that my wife and I are not trained medical professionals, that our pediatrician is the most knowledgeable party and so we seem like we'd be best served listening to her on the matter. My wife sees that as needing to get the doc's approval on everything whereas I see this as a pretty black and white medical concern I want to listen to the expert advice on even if it means our health and relationship suffers due to sleep loss.\n\nI know the issue is not black and white, and I only mention the relationship aspects of this post because I'm at a loss of how to best deliver this information to someone who is not receptive to it.  I'm asking very specifically for:\n\n1. For a completely healthy 2mo old, how clear is the research on reduced risk of SIDS by having an adult sleep in the same room as the baby vs. in another room with a monitor? And how big is the reduction in risk? Is it staggering? Would love some actual sources of numbers to share with her.\n\n2. How can one convey information on a situation they believe should be decided by data and science to someone who disagrees and weighs those less importantly in the decision?", "answer": "Sleeping in the same room might reduce risk purely because you will notice difficulties faster.\n\nTheres bigger factors to cot death like smoking etc - theyre the ones to focus on.\n\n[Reducing the risk of SIDS](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/reducing-risk-cot-death.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56a4l2", "comment_id": "d8hmjb7"}, {"question": "Penis shorter than used to be (flaccid state)", "description": "I'm 22 years old male, 130kg / 187cm. Few weeks ago I was lifting weights and my penis \"turtled\", but eventually returned to normal length. However, after a few days I noticed it's shorter in flaccid state than before and the skin is wrinkled. I'm circumsized. Everything appears and feels normal when the penis is erect, and I'm feeling no pain.\n\nWhat can I do to make it normal length again?", "answer": "Nothing. Its fine. Put your ruler away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y0pru", "comment_id": "d6k3jec"}, {"question": "Antidepressants & Sex Drive", "description": "Hey everyone I\u2019ve posted before about this but I wanna see if there\u2019s anything different in responses. \n\nSo I\u2019m 17M and I started taking sertraline (Zoloft) about six months ago. Everything was normal until around 5-7 days and almost immediately, from that point on, it\u2019s been harder to get and stay erect. Nothing really gets me hard anymore and I guess my sex drive has plummeted. I just can\u2019t get hard. Sometimes as I get near orgasm it gets hard briefly but it doesn\u2019t last long usually, it just goes back flaccid in the middle of a masturbation session. It\u2019s slightly better than a couple months ago but it\u2019s just difficult to get into anything like this. \n\nI\u2019m not sexually active but it does make it difficult to masturbate and I just want pleasure. Is there anyway to get back to being horny? I\u2019m kinda just frustrated at this point. ", "answer": "If sertraline is really making a big difference for you, talk to the doctor who's prescribing it about what you can do to restore libido. There are broadly two ways to go: switch from sertraline to something else, or manage the side effects. It's not ideal to treat side effects of medications with more medications, but it is doable, and there are a lot of  extra meds to counteract that particular side effect. None have great evidence\u2014there's not evidence they *don't* work, just not robust evidence that they do, but anecdotally and in published case series they seem helpful.\n\nEspecially if sertraline is not doing you a whole lot of good, it's absolutely reasonable to try something else. Sometimes if one SSRI has sexual side effects another does not; there are also non-SSRI medications for depression or anxiety worth trying.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9v62h9", "comment_id": "e99s4ku"}, {"question": "Girl friend of 4 years has told me she no longer loves me.", "description": "So I find out yesterday that she no longer loves me. Not only that she even devolped feelings for another guy who I asked her about and was told not to worry. \n\nSo issues are that she feels like things are stagnant and somethings are lacking. She also felt that this other guy understood her Better and felt better when talking to him. But she had no plans to persue since he lives far.  She had no plans to end the relationship but mostly wanted to tell me she feels alone around me as well as those other feelings. I also feel her depression plays a part in this too but hard to tell how much. \n\nSo we try to break up but several problems arise. We cant get out of our lease as we live together. So we have to stay here as we both have no where else to stay. Of course as well i am crushed cuz i still love her. But she also finds breaking up to be really hard. Not only because she loses me and still cares about me but also doesnt to be alone which she then led to talking about how she dosnt belong and wants to die. The reason by the way we decided to try and break up was cuz i thought thats what she was doing but my misunderstanding led to starting those steps. Things ended up being a huge fight. \n\nFast forwardb to why i say try because we work it out after talking. We decide to stay and try to fix things but honestly I have no clue what to fix as she was not specific. I have a few ideas but I am scared of them not returning and living with someone (which i gotta do either way) dose not love me.  Has anyone had a SO who had fallen out of love? Is it possible to fix?,", "answer": "see if she's up for couples counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3o4f", "comment_id": "dc0kdy2"}, {"question": "Doctor denied me flu shot because of low blood pressure. I'm higher risk for covid so it seems important that I get a flu shot. Advice? 32F", "description": "Blood pressure is usually 90s/60s. 5'9 150lbs. All kinds of sinus/allergy issues, possibly crohns disease, and my lungs don't get oxygen to my blood as well as they should. But it was exclusively based on blood pressure that the doctor told me not to get a flu shot. I've never heard this before and don't understand why blood pressure would make a difference here.", "answer": "90/60 without symptoms is not a problem. Flu shots don\u2019t drop blood pressure.\n\nIf you go to a pharmacy that gives shots, they won\u2019t even check, as well they shouldn\u2019t.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jj52gl", "comment_id": "gabd0zq"}, {"question": "I need some advice on comforting others?", "description": "So recently it has come to my attention that I have NO idea how to comfort other people and it just ends up in a giant awkward mess. I need to know what to do in person and sometimes over the phone because of distance issues with friends preventing me from being there in person. Any feedback would be appreciated.", "answer": "Listen. Ask questions that show that you're listening--basically, ask questions that keep them talking and encourage them to share more. Don't give unsolicited advice. It's ok to share a similar experience that you've had, but don't interrupt and don't share it unless it's really relevant--you want to avoid giving the impression that you think their troubles are less than their troubles. Let them talk until they've said everything they need to. \n\nThen, if you really want to give advice, ask if you can share your thoughts. It's ok if you don't have advice, or if you don't know how to fix their situation. Just listening to them and supporting them is a big help. It's ok if you don't actually have a solution. Your role is not to fix things; it's to be a friend and listen to them.\nTl:dr Listen to people :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "wvrvm", "comment_id": "c5gzh59"}, {"question": "What did my late father have? (Psychiatry)", "description": "I'm a 34 y/o woman. 16 years ago, my dad passed at age 59 from the complications of cirrhosis. He was an alcoholic and drank daily. He had wonderful sides, but also really bad abusive sides. I'm trying to understand what he might have had.\n\n- He was celebrity in our country and one of the bests at his job. Both in entertainment and journalism.\n\n- He was an only child and lost his beloved father unexpectedly when he was in middle school. He started to work at that age to take care of his mother. He cut ties with their relatives because they never really helped apparently. He cried about his father all his life when he talked about him. After my grandma passed to he would sometimes refer to himself as an orphan. And he had no family left other than mom and us his kids.\n\n- His mother did some abusive shit that was considered normal back then, including physical punishment. But generally she was a good mother. When they were both grown-ups, the power was totally on my dad though in their relationship dynamics. He lived with his mother until she passed. When he and my mom got married, grandma was still in the house. We were doing well financially though and the house allowed privacy.\n\n- He prioritized his kids (me and my brother) over other people. He would \"punish\" grandma when my brother got upset over something she didn't allow and make her stand on one foot like they do to children when they are naughty. Grandma was clearly uncomfortable with this, would cry afterward, dad didn't care.\n\n- He was abusive to my mother physically and verbally. He would start fights over things like food getting burned when he was angry. Her cooking something he didn't like. But between the abuse, he was great. He would make us laugh. Bring everyone gifts. Serenade to my mom. Tell their memories with such loving eyes and tone.\n\n- Once my mom's one brother and his wife visited us. She made a joke, literally like one sentence that implied my dad was kissing the ass of the person in the story he aws telling. Dad didn't say anything there. After they left he started a huge fight with mom why she didn't say anything or stop it. I am not kidding, this came on FOR YEARS, UNTIL HE PASSED. He would wake my mom up to start a fight over this totally out of the blue even years later! THen the next day everything was back to normal.\n\n- He loved me too much. He would cry when I cry, he was very thoughtful about my feellings generally. Except... he continued the abuse with my mom AND he would even wake me up often so I would sit there, watch the whole thing as a referee and tell who was right. I didn't even have the option to say he was wrong, he would then get angry at me.\n\n- Once for example he got angry at my mom burning chickpeas when I was 15. He asked me to cook chickpeas for him (I didn't even know how!) This was 3 days into my summer job and I was exhausted. When I said in the scared tone I didn't know how and I needed to rest, at first he pretended to be OK then asked me to clean the kitchen with mom all night. I was sobbing and stayed up until 4am cleaning and went to work 5 hours later.\n\n- He was mostly a funny, super generous, thoughtful guy. He would help people without expecting anything in return. All of his charity donations were anonymous too.\n\n- He was aware he was smart. But got humble when someone complimented on him.\n\nI think he was depressed. And obviously alcohol didn't help his rage. But what else did he have if any?", "answer": "\nHe could have had major depressive disorder. It could have all been alcohol-related. Nothing here is clearly pathology beyond the bounds of normal. \n\nAny speculation based on just this snapshot is just speculation, and it\u2019s already filtered through your opinions and memories of him.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "in1n8i", "comment_id": "g44oyh6"}, {"question": "I (32f) am feeling anxious and suffocated by my husband(30m)", "description": "Yes I know, talk to him. So easy and simple but not. Not when he references other conversations, taking what I've said out of context, or how I was before.ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for at least this past year.\n\nOur libidos don't match up anymore. They've gone from equal to him wanting it even more and me wanting it less. I can't even hug him, kiss him, cuddle, or even look at him without him getting hard and wanting to go have sex. If it were quickies I could do that, but it's like marathon sex sessions almost every time. I hate disappointing him with rejection so I've drawn back, I've stopped trying to touch him and be intimate because I don't want to turn him on only to tell him no, I'm not in the mood. It's a cycle that just keeps creating anxiety in me. \n\nI'm stressed about so many things I can't even decompress when I get home because he's right there, always trying for sex or just trying to get me to talk. I just need a few to come back from the day. I'm a true introvert and my energy stores have been depleted. I just can't deal. I've tried telling him this but i don't think he fully gets it. He use to be so good at reading me and my emotions, but now it's like he went blind.\n\nEvery day he tells me he misses me and can't wait to be home with me. It's not like we don't work in the same town, not like I won't be home in a few hours to see you. He also sends me porn links and sexts me multiple times a day, even on Fridays which I've told him not to before, they are a high stress day at work for me. Yes I could just ignore them like he says, but he could just not send them like I asked. I'd shut my phone off completely Fridays if I didn't need it for work. It's getting stiffling, I can't breathe. I don't have emotions like that. When he went to visit his parents for a few days I missed him, but it was nice being able to relax and not be anxious for those few days. When he came back we had great sex, multiple times a day for a few days. He wanted it to keep going, I didn't need it to. Thus the anxiety kicked back in.\n\nHe jerks off daily, most of the time at least twice a day. I'm fine with that, I really am. But usually he'd do it while I'm asleep or not home from work yet, now he'll just start jerking while I'm right next to him watching TV. If he thinks that's a good way to get me to join...It's not, it just kicks an anxiety attack into high gear and shuts me down even more. \n\nI guess I just needed to get this out so it won't play in my head all day. Idk of this even belongs here.\n\nUpdate: Incase anyone is still seeing this. We talked a little. Apparently when I say no nicely it reminds him of the crazy ex. He thinks I'm bored with our sex life so was trying different ways to ask me for sex. I told him I'm not bored, I'm just being turned off by his approach and that I don't want to hurt him. He said he understands I'm not always in the mood, that a hand or blow job would be ok too... Not exactly the best compromise but it'll do for now. \n\nAnd he won't cheat, wouldn't even take my offer to have an open marriage. We are kinky but he only wants me, yes that's what every woman wants isn't it? Sometimes though, would be nice to be the only one taking all the sexual attention. ", "answer": "go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "682pyr", "comment_id": "dgv8x9d"}, {"question": "Emo Legs", "description": "Emo legs is the current favorite pet name my boyfriend has given me. I'm pretty proud that I've managed to keep my scars mainly to one thigh. I'm super pale and they're pretty noticeable. \n\nMy boyfriend isn't really my boyfriend. We live in his mom's house. He sleeps in her room. She's a caregiver and is here maybe a week every three months. I'm not proud that I'm living off of her but until I get a job I'm stuck here. He hasn't worked since November. \n\nI've written about my bf before. We don't kiss, haven't had sex in half a year, and he doesn't even let me sit next to him. He tells me I'm gross and to get away from him. Maybe he's joking? I'm not gross. \n\nIt sucks living with someone who hates you so much. Yet it's better than fighting for my own life. I'm alone even tho someone is in the next room all the time. ", "answer": "Wait what", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8fovj3", "comment_id": "dy5c2sh"}, {"question": "My friend is becoming increasingly paranoid and I don't know what's going on or how to help", "description": "We're both college students, upperclassmen. He's slightly socially awkward. He's not a close friend, but we used to live in the same dorm and were in the same class once. Over the summer, he claims to have been hospitalized and put on a involuntary hold and was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar (by his employer's in-house doctors), but refutes those diagnoses. Right now, he claims that undercover government officials are taking classes with him and visiting him at work and fucking with him. He states that some of them have straight up told them they were undercover. He also states this is starting to affect his behavior - he says he's becoming more paranoid and going out of his way to avoid interacting with people; he also states that he is unable to concentrate on his studies because they're in his classes, always sitting next to him and \"asking weird questions\".\n\nHe's NEVER shown any signs of abnormal behavior prior to this past summer. He realizes his statements are pretty out there (\"This might seem kind of crazy but..\"), and states that he has avoided telling everything to his parents because he is afraid they will have him medicated. He also claims to have talked with a counselor in our campus counseling center and told them everything expecting them to believe he was crazy, but states the counselor agreed with some of the things he was saying (\"You know...some of the stuff you're saying makes sense and is plausible.\"). He also states this feels like The Truman Show and everyone is acting. I do not believe he's a danger to himself or others as he's never been violent or expressed any violent things.\n\ntl;dr My friend is basically the main character in a movie where everyone's out to get him. What's going on, and should I do anything?\n\nNinja edit: He states he was prescribed Risperidone by the in-house doctors at his employer, and that when he saw campus doctors they agreed with that prescription. He refuses to take it because it \"slows him down\" and he isn't able to think clearly.", "answer": "Which school?  Do they have a prodromal psychosis program he can participate in?  A lot of them are computer based memory exercises to help regrow brain connections and improve reality testing.\n\nRisperdal is by no means the only med out there.  If he doesn't like the side effects he can change meds, not stop all together.\n\nHe may be taking his counselor out of context, or the counselor may be responding to something he said\n  Think of all the paranoid people vindicated by Edward Snowden.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2udpt0", "comment_id": "co7w0ox"}, {"question": "Binge eating disorder and cytochrome p450", "description": "Age: 30\n\nSex: F\n\nHeight: 166cm\n\nWeight: 60kg\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: 1 year\n\nLocation: Spain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: binge eating disorder (2008-2018), gastrointestinal problems linked with systemic pain, gastrointestinal problems, several tonsillitis processes (2009-2014), cytomegalovirus (2009), mumps (2006)\n\nCurrent medications: R - Lipoic Acid, Glutamine, Magnesium Threonate\n\nHello.\n\nA few years ago I have binge eating disorder. Normally, after each binge, I had intestinal problems, but after weeks of taking good care of my diet, the symptoms would subside. My body finally made \"crash\" after one of these binges, and there I am, without being able to reverse my health.\n\nAt first, I couldn't eat practically anything. I have tried many supplements (ubiquinol, butyric acid, vitamin D and other vitamins) but nothing gets me out of this vicious circle. I am not able to metabolize so many foods and meds, makes me feel toxic as if poisoned, and other symptoms rare and difficult to explain. It's like cytokine storm all over my body. I have also sleep and menstrual problems, fatigue\u2026\n\nAfter a lot of research, I believed I have a mitochondrial and cytochrome P450 issue but I don't find a solution.\n\nI am looking for people who have had a similar problem or doctors who know how to treat it.\n\nThanks in advances.\n\nBest regards.", "answer": "That doesn\u2019t sound like a mitochondrial problem, and there really aren\u2019t cytochrome p450 disorders. It could well be a stomach or intestine problem, perhaps caused by your mechanism of purging. You should talk to your primary doctor and possibly seek referral to a gastroenterologist, I think.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmofo6", "comment_id": "ew3w1ue"}, {"question": "Just wanted to share part of my story. I hope this can help someone.", "description": "You see, I'm a 27 male and I recently realized I had anger issues. It took me quite some time to realize it, since I destroyed 2 romantic relationships I had (2 years long each one). Never really had a relationship with my sister (she is 32) and broke many, many, MANY videogames, joysticks, chairs, windows, doors, tools, anything.\n\nAnyway, after that introduction let me say that I never even thought about my anger as something bad. Actually I was proud of it. I felt good when I was raging so to me it was something amazing. That feeling of being powerful, of having people scared of me, that was great. It made me feel big, great, strong. Not physically, but strong in a sense that I was a force to be reckoned with. Thats the point I wanted to get to, being reckoned, noted, praised, etc. That's what become important to me in my life and for 27 years I didn't realized it.\n\nWhat do I mean? Well, the thing is. During my last breakup (5 months ago) I hit rock bottom. I was in a abusive relationship (I was the abuser of course) and when she ended it I was lost. I threatened to kill myself, I ran away from my home and left a note talking about how sorry I was for everything in my life and that was it. My family and my ex ended up finding me and then I had to deal with my shit for the first time. Being angry wasn't going to cut anymore. My anger would kill me the next time, for sure. I would do something really dumb to me and to others, probably. So I looked for professional help. \n\nMonths later and I now realize that what is so deep within me is a strong desired to be loved, to be admired, to be desired. And when things don't go this way I become angered because I think I deserve those things. When I lose in a videogame it's because I'm dumb/weak and people will know that and stop thinking I'm smart/strong. If someone break up with me people will realize I'm not a good boyfriend, I suck. If I'm angry, it doesn't give space for people to think bad things about me. As long as they fear me, they will see me as someone of value. At least that was what I felt and thought for so long. My anger was a way for me to escape the fact that I don't really know how to deal with rejection, with not being praised. And the surprising thing is that I despise people like that, blindly making me believe I was not like them. But I am. I have flaws, many, and I have a deep fear of being destroyed by them. I hide them since I can remember but that is what is ending up destroying me. \n\nAnyway, my advice for everyone here is to think about your flaws and trying your best to become a better person. Don't let your anger make you destroy your relationships and make people around you suffer. It's ok to want to be loved, praised and desired. Everyone wants that as well. So open yourself to people, talk to them, work together. Everyone has flaws as well, don't hide yours, work around them. Share them with people so you can become better together. I never really talked about my feelings with anyone since I was a child, and for the last 5 months I have been doing that and it's just amazing how it can help. \nIf you sometimes think people won't give you a chance anymore, think that you can't be helped, that your time is over. Don't let it go to your head and control you. You still have chances, you have time, you can be helped. The people you lost, that's it, it happened. But the future is there and you haven't lost yourself yet. Look for help, friends, family, professional help, anything. Just go. No more lies, no more hiding behind your anger. \n\nSorry for the big post and probably bad english. I hope this can end up helping someone. Bye.", "answer": "Nice work!  And not easy work either as it involves confronting and accepting painful emotions that retreat into anger was hoping you to avoid.  I hope things continue to go well for you.  ", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "5er6ue", "comment_id": "dafbx7o"}, {"question": "Those of you who have social skills, what exactly do people like to do for fun?", "description": "I\u2019m finally getting confidence in myself and I\u2019m ready to finally make some friends in the fall when college starts. But I just realized.. I don\u2019t even know what people do for fun. Besides playing video games, what would a casual, fun, hangout be like for one of you?", "answer": "Go for a walk or a bike ride to a cool spot!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "hfqdh6", "comment_id": "fvz9r6f"}, {"question": "I\u2019m going to kill myself tonight", "description": "I\u2019m tired of fighting. I\u2019m in so much pain, I don\u2019t want to try anymore. Nobody would even miss me, I don\u2019t have anyone. I\u2019m being sexually abused, and I\u2019m tired of facing that too. I\u2019m also feel like I\u2019m losing it. I might be going crazy. I decided I\u2019m not afraid of death anymore", "answer": "There is help out there, and you can beat this. It sounds like everything it shit, but it can be better. Call 911. That should help end the abuse and help jumpstart you to a healthy life. Please call\n ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7a1rjl", "comment_id": "dp6h6wu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend still isn't ready for sex", "description": "So I've been seeing a girl for about a month now. We've gone on about 8 dates and became official about a week ago. She continually tells me I'm cute, handsome, nice, funny etc... she even makes me her \"man crush Monday\" on Facebook. But when I try to have sex she says she still isn't ready. I don't want to pressure her into doing anything but it makes me feel unwanted. Is it normal for someone to wait this long or am I justified in wondering something's wrong?\n\nI'm 23 she's 28", "answer": "don't take it personally.  she's going slower than most, which is a good and MATURE thing that many should take a lesson from.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wswuu", "comment_id": "decr07i"}, {"question": "Are the normal medications for High BP and MDD/GAD?", "description": "26 Male, 6'1 , 220lbs, Eastern European. Medications include Lostartan/Hydrochlorothiazide , Carvedilol, Sertraline Bromazepam, Promazine, Nitrazepam.\n\n​\n\nAre these normal for my conditions? Also, should they be making me tired during the day?", "answer": "Losartan, hydrochlorothiazide, and carvedilol are all standard medications for blood pressure and a common combination.\n\nSertraline is a standard long-term treatment for MDD and GAD.\n\nBromazepam and nitrazepam are both benzodiazepines and are sedating. They can make you tired. It's usually not recommended to take two different benzodiazepines. In fact, it's usually not recommended to take any benzodiazepines long-term, although sometimes it's the best option. That's a conversation to have with your doctor.\n\nPromazine is a medication that hasn't been available in the USA for some time, so I don't have much familiarity with it. It might be used as an additional medication for depression. I can't say whether that's common or not or effective or not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d2zpui", "comment_id": "ezxryqq"}, {"question": "In desperate need of advice", "description": "Hi everyone,\n\nI'm in a bit of difficult situation at the moment and could really do with some advice from my fellow redditors \n\nPretty much I've been seeing this girl from work for around 5months and things where great! It's the first thing close to a relationship I've had in over 5 years. We talked all day and hung out all the time, met each other's parents etc, the whole shibang.\n\nThings were going great until recently. She went all quite and didn't really want to chat or hang out anymore. I asked her what's up and she told me that her family life is going through trouble and she needs to sort it out and needs some time apart and we agreed to take a break for a while and pick things up at the end of March.\n\nAlthough this sucks, and kind of broke my heart a little as I was really falling for her, if this is what she needs right now then I respect that. \n\nWhat I'm confused about is how to act right now. With outstanding lame and cheesy we are really good together, I haven't really felt this way about anyone before so I'm not ready to give up on us.\n\nI know I should give her some space right now and leave her alone to sort things out. But what I don't know is if I should contact her or anything, as part of me is scared that she might think I've gone off her and moved on, which is not the case.\n\nWhat are your guys thoughts? Do I leave her alone completely or do I message/talk to her every now and again to just let her know I still care etc?\n", "answer": "check in once a week if she's ok with that", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vbi9x", "comment_id": "de0qd51"}, {"question": "Admiring from Afar. No response.", "description": "Aged both 20, Me male, she female. Facebook friends/same university.\n\nSo I friended someone over Facebook, March 2017, after finding out they went to both the same university and concert as me. Very friendly person, not weirded out by conversing with a stranger. Gorgeous, personality, same interests, everything. Weirdly never crossing paths on campus as of yet. Since the start of May, no response via messenger. No seen icons, nothing. Activity on Facebook and that but nothing in our chat. I know that she takes breaks from messenger from time to time but normally I get a response in no later than a week. During a D+M she told me to message her whenever for whatever, so I never felt like I was overdoing it. It is also near the end of semester so could just be a too busy situation.\nShe fills my mind every day. I have whole days ruined just thinking about her (my fault I know). All the possibilities run through my mind and I don't even know if she's single, straight and/or looking. I've even written a song inspired by her (See below). My self esteem is so damn low as well, I do NOT like how I look (currently working on the weight loss though). I've been in this situation before too but never like this. Please just tell me what to do, I feel like I might become drastic. Overdramatic but accurate.\nAnd if you've found this, I am so sorry you did.\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3Y8-5n6XA (The song)", "answer": "Focus on the things under your control: your diet, exercise, sleep, time spent with friends, work, study.\n\nDo not let your interest in this girl stall your life. And do not tell her about the immmmmmmmensity of your feelings for her if she gets back in contact. Just go get coffee and take a walk. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f1icr", "comment_id": "dienufg"}, {"question": "month and 16 days, most unmotivated and depressed ive ever been", "description": "When is this going to be over?  I thought quitting weed would solve my depression snd help with all of this. Im tight on time and  couldn't type a lot. Thanks everyone", "answer": "Probably because depression isn't caused by weed, but masked by it", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4oogbq", "comment_id": "d4ea5iu"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "No, guanfacine (intuniv) doesn't affect thyroid function tests or the thyroid.\n\nAnxiety fits. \n\nYou may need a much-higher dosage of sertraline (zoloft). Some of my patients with anxiety disorders need as much as 200mg or more.\n\nHave you had Cognitive Behavior Therapy?\n\n​", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "alu6c4", "comment_id": "efhstll"}, {"question": "I'm a hot mess and \"failing\" at sobriety", "description": "So I'm feeling like a bit of a hot mess. I've been so scatterbrained the past couple days. I find that I'm constantly trying to distract myself from alcohol cravings by eating way too much junk food and spending too much time online. I can't seem to focus on anything for very long. My apartment is a complete mess but I can't be bothered to clean it. I have no clean laundry or dishes, and I feel like I'm just hanging on. I'm currently working 2 jobs on top of a full course load and it's everything I can do not to let that all fall apart. I keep skipping AA meetings and I feel like I'm doing the whole \"dry drunk\" thing, which supposedly isn't a long term solution. I kinda feel like I'm failing and I'm only a couple days in. That being said, I guess as long as I'm sober, that's a solid win for now. I'll tackle more when I start feeling a little less crazy. \n\nThanks for listening. \n\nEdit: Just realized I wrote some variation of \"feeling\" like 5 times. I guess you could say I'm a little emotional right now!", "answer": "Failing? My friend, if in the first few weeks you don\u2019t end up taking a drink, then you are WINNING. \n\nwhatever you gotta do to stay sober in the very beginning, do that. In the first few days I was still so sick and miserable the idea of cleaning anything other than my teeth was inconceivable; I ate whatever I could stomach and didn\u2019t worry about nutrition for like, a month. \n\nDon\u2019t worry about whether you\u2019re a \u201cdry drunk\u201d for now. That stuff can wait while your brain and body get through the initial healing in the next two to four weeks. \n\nIf you find meetings helpful, this saying always worked for me: go to meetings, and don\u2019t drink between meetings. Simple (but not easy!) as that. \n\nIWDWYT!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7ab7hn", "comment_id": "dp8jbyd"}, {"question": "Xanax: usual diagnostics prior to prescribing", "description": "Age: 16-17\nSex: Female\nHeight: 170-175 cm\nWeight: 60-65 kg\nRace: Filipino\nDuration of complaint: Unknown\nLocation (Geographic and on body): Philippines\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any):  Unknown\nCurrent medications (if any): Xanax\n\nMy daughter has a 16-17 y.o. classmate diagnosed with depression who was prescribed Xanax without any blood, urine or metabolic testing.  Is this normal?  \n\nWhat are the usual tests whose results are critical to determine the efficacy of Xanax? ", "answer": "Not completely normal - alprazolam is an anxiolytic and not an antidepressant. Also its still good practice to do some routine bloods to rule out common medical reasons for depression.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "71wxwo", "comment_id": "dne64kx"}, {"question": "36 Hours", "description": "I've gone 36 hours without any skin picking. I decided two nights ago that it was getting out of hand and impacting my physical health too much. And this has been extremely hard. I can't believe how often I've had to actively stop myself. I didn't think it was something I did unconsciously but damn... I feel like a drug addict.\n\nI also ordered about $30 worth of fidget toys off of Amazon. Partially because I thought maybe I would be more committed if I had invested actual money into this. But also because I just wasn't sure what would help (if anything), so best to have a variety to try...\n\nAny tips on how to keep my resolve are appreciated.", "answer": "Hi!  Congratulations on making it through 36 hours!!!  WOO HOO!! Tips on how to keep your resolve!\n\n1. Be gentle with yourself\n2. Try to keep yourself busy, the fidget toys are great\n3. Be aware of your feelings when you think about picking\n4. And just curious, have you thought about seeing a mental health professional?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "boz7nt", "comment_id": "enmokh3"}, {"question": "Is age regression a real thing in psychology or is it kind of a debunked theory?", "description": "I\u2019m talking about where someone retreats to a younger age than they are, like trauma survivors might do.", "answer": "Regression is a commonly used term, and I see it most often in conceptualizations of people with Borderline, though anyone can regress.\n\nRegression is basically using a behavior that was appropriate or helpful during an earlier . Such as an adult tantrum .\n\nTo my knowledge,  regression is not a theory,  so there is nothing to be debunked.  It is more psychoanalytic,  but others see the behavior.  Freud listed it as a defense mechanism .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f4e0we", "comment_id": "fhpw1pg"}, {"question": "Question about duties or responsibilities to patient for psychiatrist", "description": "I'm currently applying for disability in the US, specifically Colorado. I have been seeing my pyschiatrist for 4-5 years and when I informed him that I would be applying for my physical disabilities he encouraged me to also include my mental illness as a disability. My lawyer gave me a form for him to fill out about my level of impairment and treatment history. Apparently that kind of form/info is really helpful for getting approved. \n\nHe does not want to fill out this form and is refusing to fill it out. I was basically wondering if he had any sort of duty or responsibility to fill it out or if it's just an optional thing that he doesn't have to do if he doesn't want to?", "answer": "A doctor generally has no obligation to divulge clinical information to any third party unless obliged by legal proceedings. So yes, it's optional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sh4t4", "comment_id": "dldoqsm"}, {"question": "Jerry Seinfeld believes himself to be one of us", "description": "https://celebrity.yahoo.com/the-insider/jerry-seinfeld-im-autism-spectrum-135635797.html", "answer": "He isn't saying anything that unbelievable.  As someone on the spectrum myself, I believe that *everyone* is on the spectrum \"on a very drawn-out scale\" (as Seinfeld put it).\n\nWhether he has been diagnosed or is diagnosable is a different matter, but  I think that, given the way he stated it, it is hard to doubt.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "2ll772", "comment_id": "clvwalo"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has nickel intoxication, we have no clue how this happened.", "description": "Hi there!\n\nMy girlfriend was diagnosed with nickel intoxication. She has about twice the allowed amount of nickel in her body. The thing is: We have no clue why this happened. She was also diagnosed with histamine intolerance.\n\nShe had problems with her hand for about 4 months now. She has an eczema that got worse and worse (only on her right hand, on the upper half of her palm). It's a weeping wound. After she got a cortisone cream, it got better, dried up, developed a scab and healed. But as soon as the cream (and treatment) ended, the eczema came back. This went back and forth 3 times, until we decided to get better testing.\n\nSome data:\n\n* Age: 23\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 170 centimeter (5.6 feet)\n* Weight: 80 kilograms (175 pounds)\n* Race: Caucasian\n* Location: Austria\n* Smoker: No\n\nMy mother has a nickel intolerance and I know how that can manifest. But my girlfriend never had issues and didn't buy any new jewellery. Besides, from what the doctor said, a nickel intolerance isn't the same as nickel intoxication.\n\nPossible reasons we thought of:\n\n* Old plumbings in our appartment: But there are about 20 more flats in our appartment building, many inhabited by old people and no problem is known. Also, I show no symptoms (didn't get it tested though). And she doesn't drink tapwater that much.\n* Fish: She likes to eat store-bought ready-to-eat sushi and eats it about twice a week. Is that enough to cause nickel intoxication?\n* Food: We don't have the healthiest diet (but we're trying to do better), but there's nothing too unusual. Bread, butter, meat (mostly turkey meat, but also beef, chicken and pork), all sorts of vegetables, rice, eggs, fruits. And we really like sweets and soft drinks.\n* Paleo food: We recently started eating after a paleo diet, not very strict, but it's worth mentioning. We still eat bread and the occasional sweets, but we eat more rice and eggs than we used to and avoid milk products (except butter) and legumes. If she drinks soft drinks, they are calorie-free (maybe that's important). I don't think anything else changed so much that it's worth mentioning.\u007f\u007f\n* We can't think of any other factors like chemicals or things like that. Nothing unusal going on.\n\nNeither I nor our little boy (23 months old) have shown any symptoms of nickel intoxication. I'm away all week except for the weekends and our little boy has a mostly different diet, so that doesn't say much, but it may rule out some things like the plumbing, since he almost exclusively drinks tap water.\n\nI really hope you can help and/or have some clues what can cause nickel intoxication and what we should watch out for. Thanks a lot!", "answer": "Possibly a stupid question - but who diagnosed nickel intolerance?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fi5mf", "comment_id": "dal0fca"}, {"question": "I want to be social but can\u2019t put in the energy.", "description": "Basically , the title describes it. I am going through some depression and anxiety , and on antidepressants. I want to have a close relationship with my friends - but I feel I don\u2019t have the energy to put in the effort. And the few often times I do put in an effort, I feel I come across as needy or because I\u2019m not consistent, my efforts don\u2019t entirely work. I am forever stuck in this cycle between wanting to have good friends , doing a bit about it and then getting disappointed in myself. What do I do?? ", "answer": "Some folks find scheduling things to be really helpful, even phone calls.  This day/time (when it's naturally convenient for you) I'm going to call or text to touch base with friends.  Try your best not to deviate from it.  \n\n\nTry to set plans in advance and don't cancel.  Some people love constantly trying to meet up with friends and do things spur of the moment, others need scheduling.  Figure out which suits you best and act accordingly whenever possible.  \n\n\nAlways remember, all good friendships start out as very superficial acquaintances.  If you're someone who has a hard time dealing with this, just know you have to push through for some time and not expect those returns you get from long lasting deeper friendships.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pcgbb", "comment_id": "e0a5m14"}, {"question": "I'm sure she went hanged out with her ex", "description": "My girl and I were going to hang out together on Friday. She told me she had to babysit for a family and instead she went out with friends saying the other didn't need here. I asked how it went and she said it was a total of 10+ people. And she had fun but got in a little heated situation (non-romantic). And when I asked her who it was she took way to long to say his name(like she made up a name). I've seen her text him. I've seen him send her too many messages on Xbox. And idk what to think. I have a bad feeling she's keeping something from me. And I don't know what to do or how to ask. She's being distant with me....", "answer": "be direct. find out. make a decision.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on459", "comment_id": "dckkvdk"}, {"question": "My [17F] girlfriend constantly has excuses not to see me [17M] and I don't know what to do about it", "description": "Been dating her for about 4 months now but whenever I ask her to make plans with me there is always a new excuse on why she can't do it and even when she does agree to plans she will often back out of them last minute.  I've been in a relationship like this before although previously the issue was much more prevalent with me only seeing them 2-3 times over the course of 7-8 months.  I am very flexible when it comes to making plans but the fact my current girlfriend doesn't seem to put any effort into seeing me is quite upsetting but I am afraid I will not find anything better if I do leave her,  any advice will be greatly appreciated and I'm happy to answer any questions,  Thanks ", "answer": "she seems ambivalent about being in a rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptnga", "comment_id": "dctqmim"}, {"question": "Do u have sympathy for those who are \u2019low functioning\u2019because of mental illness?", "description": "I, myself is \u2019high functioning\u2019 but I have read in forums and blogs that some people have trouble sympathy with the \u2019low functioning\u2019 people because they feel that having mental illness is not an excuse unless you are dying you have no excuse to be low functional... to me this mind sets a little strange... ", "answer": "That depends I suppose by how you define \"low functioning\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "20yyf0", "comment_id": "cg86c04"}, {"question": "[23/f] Helping S/O [22/m] through greif?", "description": "My S/O and I have been together for 4 years now. Luckily we haven't had to deal with any familial deaths while we have been together. Unfortunately now it looks like his grandmother is very ill, and might be passing on soon (keeping our fingers crossed of course, but I'm a hope for the best, prepare for the worst kind of gal). Now I've had 2 grandparents, various extended family, and even pets pass on, so I'm familiar with grief and generally death as a concept. But he's never had someone close to him die, and I'm not sure how to help him deal with that for the first time, as my views on death have developed to be a little more comfortable. \n\nAdvice?", "answer": "just be your loving, supportive self.  the right words will come", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kttxp", "comment_id": "dbqla2d"}, {"question": "Should I intentionally infect myself with coronavirus?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "No.\n\nThere is a chance that you would develop serious infection and require healthcare resources. There is also a reasonable chance that, with precautions, you would not be infected at all.\n\nThis pandemic is best managed by trying to minimize infections, not time them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjkoeu", "comment_id": "fknqip6"}, {"question": "Lumbar Puncture okay with Naltrexone?", "description": "Hi there!  I take Naltrexone to help with binge drinking.  I only drink once or twice a week, or maybe once or twice every two weeks, but historically when I've done so I have gone way overboard.  I take Naltrexone now and it has helped reduce my consumption.  I only take it on days I drink.\n\nI have a lumbar puncture scheduled for this Friday 7/27 at 9am.  I took 50mg naltrexone yesterday, 7/24, at 7pm, completely forgetting that it might interfere with the procedure.  I'm not concerned it will skew the results, but I understand that taking opioid anesthetics can be deadly while on Nal.  If it's useful, the last time I drank, and therefore took naltrexone (prior to yesterday), was about 12 days ago.\n\nSo, my question is, is it typical to give an opioid based anesthetic during a lumbar puncture?  If I tell them I prefer a non-opioid anesthetic will that be an issue?  I think the nal will be out of my system by Friday but wanted to make sure.  Is this something I should be worried about or even reschedule?  I would hate to do so, it's taken a while to get it scheduled and I need to get the procedure done.\n\nMy demographics:\n\n\\- Age: 46\n\n\\-  Height: 6'2\n\n\\- Weight: 180\n\n\\- Gender: male\n\n\\-- Meds: only naltrexone\n\n\\- Smoking status:  I quit 8 years ago.  Smoked for about 15 years before that\n\n\\- Medical Issue:  I have had constant daily headaches and fatigue for the last 4 months.  I also feel generally ill, ironically, almost list a hangover.  I've had all the bloodwork and and MRI done, now it time for the lumbar puncture.\n\nThanks in advance for your insight and assistance, it is genuinely appreciated.", "answer": "It's not typical to give an opioid for a lumbar puncture. Naltrexone isn't dangerous with opioids, but it will render opioids ineffective. There's no need to reschedule your lumbar puncture or even, as far as I know, be careful about mixing an LP and naltrexone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91xeun", "comment_id": "e31m7hq"}, {"question": "binge eating disorder. don't know how to cope with urges", "description": "i've always preferred eating alone and i've found myself eating large amounts at once, especially for the past 5 months. i went on a birth control and gained 35 pounds, and now that i live with my mother again she has commented on the amount of food i eat, and passively makes comments every once in awhile to try and \"send a message\". recently, when she isn't home i find it really difficult to control myself from eating. i tried fasting for a few days by setting an alarm on my phone for 24 hours each time i had a small meal. an hour ago i ate wayyy too much and now i'm dealing with the aftermath - depression, shame, uncomfortably full where i don't want to look at my body at all. \n\nhow do I cope with these urges? i hate my body but i especially hate how my mother treats me. Thanks for reading", "answer": "I had the opposite I starve myself. But I have found with bpd before you learn to control your urges you must control your environment. So learn to use what you know about yourself to mskr changes. You know you have cravings to eat and eat when bored or emotional. So try to stay busy, plan out meals, have healthy snacks that you can eat a ton of (popcorn is low calorie) or make dinner that is high volume and low calorie (veggies or rice). Drink lots of water. Whenever you feel hungry drink water first. \n\nSecond, use your body to your advantage. You want to work smart not hard. Look into how your body processes different foods and stays full. Sugar and carbs go fast. Fiber and protein stays long. Potatoes, eggs, chicken, mushrooms all stay with you as does oatmeal making you less hungry. If you are always hungry eat smaller meals throughout the day instead of big meals.\n\nPractice your coping skills. When you feel hungry it's likely your body telling you it needs to be soothed. If you soothe it in other ways besides food, it will stop sending the hunger signal. Basic needs first water and comfort. Take space for yourself, bring music along or a book. Bring a journal and write down your worries or anxieties or good times. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when feeling sad or hungry. Make sure to actually eat, as discussed above, you should learn to eat on a schedule instead of trusting in your hunger pangs.\n\nLastly, look into a new bc? Some bc and medications can increase your appetite or cause weight gain despite your best efforts. Talk to your doctor about it \n\nHope that helps", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "d9up6y", "comment_id": "f1llteb"}, {"question": "15 years sober, then started drinking again.", "description": "Help. After about 15 years of sobriety (I became addicted in my twenties), I tried drinking again - curiosity which turned into obsessive thinking which resulted in a drink (I thought that I may have been able to drink \"normally\" as I originally drank due to confidence issues which I no longer felt was an issue). Now I cant stop thinking about drinking. I have a bout of drinking which lasts for about 3 days, I then sort myself out for about a week (but in the meantime obsessively think about drinking and whether I want it or not), then I succumb again. I don't want to drink and when I do I don't enjoy it, its like I do it to get rid of the obsessive thoughts in my head. Does anyone have any advice on how I can release myself from this obsession/addiction which has resurfaced?", "answer": "Allan Carr's method sounds like it could work well here. Essentially your brain focuses on short term gains. You need to help it look at the whole picture. His conclusion: if you look at everything alcohol gives and takes, no one should do it. It's always a net negative, even for \"regular\" drinkers. \n\nPlus. Include other people in your process, break it down into a real decision to not drink. Make that decision a process to not drink just right now. Just right now. Tomorrow is whatever, but right now you can choose. \n\nRemember, cravings usually only last a few hours at a time. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7zxdon", "comment_id": "duremk6"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "I'm a therapist. What you're experiencing is unfortunately normal... I always tell my patients it will often feel worse before it starts to get better. It's like lancing a wound-- very painful, but you need to do it to get the infection out.\n\nThat being said, talk to your therapist about your concern. Your therapist should be able to help you through this.\n\nGood luck. I know this isn't easy. It does get better.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckf1lpr"}, {"question": "Do any of you wear gloves outside?", "description": "I'm sick of letting myself get contaminated. ", "answer": "Wearing gloves outside is a compulsion unless you are wearing construction gloves for building or gardening, wearing a baseball glove for playing catch, or surgical gloves if you are a medical professional and doing a medical procedure right then and there. Otherwise you are giving into a compulsion that should be stopped immediately. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "523e28", "comment_id": "d7h3csn"}, {"question": "Client conflict in meetings", "description": "Question for those of you that work in fields such as social work, addiction & law: \nDo you have professional meetings that you go to so that you can avoid seeing clients?\nHow do you handle seeing a client at a meeting?\nIt was suggested to me to go to small meetings or out of town meetings for my new job. The likelihood that I would have a client in a larger meeting is extremely high and I would not want to make that person uncomfortable (I would leave).  I also don't want to **not** go to meetings like many in my profession here.", "answer": "I have been struggling with this a bit myself lately. I'm in my last year of my degree and have had a few clients from my internship site show up at my home group. In my area we have as many as 100 AA meetings a day but from what I can find, there's only one closed meeting for health care professionals all week :-\\ From the AA side, the answer is easier because we are all just drunks on equal footing, trying to stay sober together. From the professional side it's more difficult, the ethical code can be vague depending on which one you're following, and I've gotten a variety of answers, from \"Leave immediately!\" to \"It's OK to stay, just avoid the client and don't share.\" \n\nI've gotten these suggestions so far:\n\n- go to meetings in a different part of town than i work in (not quite workable for me as my work gets clients from all over)\n\n- go to smaller meetings/a smaller or different 12 step fellowship than the one my clients generally attend (this works best for me right now)\n\n- call your local intergroup office or a local treatment agency and ask them\n\n- talk to other professionals if you know and feel comfortable with any who are also in recovery", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "5o5fia", "comment_id": "dci61q8"}, {"question": "Question about brain MRIs", "description": "If you have a language issue with expressing and processing language, would the cause always be apparent from an MRI? For example, both a person with a brain injury and someone with autism can have this language issue. Would the \"damage\" or variation of the brain only show up in the scan of the person with the brain injury or can it also be seen in the scan of the person with autism? \n\nThank you! I hope my question makes sense.\n\n\n25, F, 5'6, 130 lb, white\n\n", "answer": "There's research into what differences visible on MRI show up in autism and a variety of other conditions, but nothing that's considered clear and diagnostic. Strokes or traumatic brain injury are easy to see. Autism and personality differences are not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gcvgf", "comment_id": "dyan7kv"}, {"question": "Movies about Recovery", "description": "I watched the movie Flight last night, which is about a pilot that struggles with addiction and denial.  I found it to be a really great, inspiring movie.  It does have a lot of drinking in it, so if you are in early recovery, it may not be the best thing to watch.  I did on day 2 and it didn't really bother me too much (except seeing a Yuengling bottle, my poison of choice).  \nAre there any recovery movies that helped you all stay strong throughout yours?  ", "answer": "I saw the documentary Anonymous People a while back. It was phenomenal film. Chris Herron's 30 for 30 ungaurded is excellent for us sports fans.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1t0jvc", "comment_id": "ce35sw6"}, {"question": "Dear therapists of reddit.", "description": "Maybe this is some bullshit coming out of me, but I do see a lot of asking for help so I would like to ask:\n\nHow are you today?", "answer": "It was my birthday today. Birthdays are a bit hard. I end up looking back over the years and some of the memories aren\u2019t good ones, the good ones can make me sad too in that they make me long for those days and some bring up feelings of loss for loved ones that have passed away. My parents were here which was good to have people to spend my day with. Also felt a bit lonely not having close friends near by anymore and not having any where I live now. Also a bit disappointing and hurt by some people I thought were friends who knew it was my birthday, but they didn\u2019t reach out with any messages. Trying to be grateful for the few that did message me today, but it\u2019s still hard to shake the sadness of feeling forgotten and unimportant.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "euudra", "comment_id": "ffspkpf"}, {"question": "Am I wasting my time?", "description": "I (24F) have been talking to this new guy (26 M) for about six weeks. He\u2019s wonderful, so sweet, kind, anything you could ask for.  My problem is that we work polar opposite schedules. His shift is 330am-2pm and mine is usually 4pm-11pm, I work a lot of weekends and he doesn\u2019t which doesn\u2019t leave much time for us to spend time together but we were making it work. He even introduced me to his mom. The last two weeks or so have been different, always some kind of pretty valid excuse about not being able to get together even if we\u2019re both off work. I haven\u2019t seen him and he hasn\u2019t made a huge effort, but he still calls me every day after work and sends cute good morning messages. I don\u2019t care about the conflicting work schedules because I get it, it\u2019s work. But I\u2019m starting to wonder if I\u2019m wasting my time or not? Or am I just reading way too much into it?", "answer": "If he's special, I wouldn't make a decision after 6 weeks.  In another 6-10 weeks, the truths of the situation will be more clear.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73r3n8", "comment_id": "dnsjse5"}, {"question": "Grandfather experiencing confusion after TAVR procedure", "description": "88 year old white male, 5'8\" ~175-185 (he lost some weight after being hospitalized).\n\n* When he was in his late 40s, early 50s he had open heart surgery, had his heart shaved down, valve replacement (pig IIRC) and a pacemaker.\n\n* 4 years ago he was short of breath, went into the hospital briefly. Fluid was around his heart and I believe he needed a blood transfusion. They also had him on lasix to reduce the fluid. When he was released, he had minor memory issues. We're unsure of what happened, but possibly some brain damage from lack of blood to his brain. Discovered he had AFIB, put him on Eliquis.\n\n* Recently he had a fall down the stairs. He got really bruised up, but otherwise somehow had no broken bones, no internal bleeding, etc. CAT scan showed no bleeding in the brain. 2 days later, he complained of shortness of breath, and an ambulance was called. He ended up with similar treatment again, lasix for fluid reduction around his heart and lungs. After several tests, docs determined he needed two heart valves replaced. Additional tests concluded he could have this done via TAVR.\n\n* TAVR was done, via the underarms, one incision on each side. The procedure was successful, but he was extremely fatigued post-op and was in the ICU for two days. He complained of being exhausted. He didn't want to speak on the phone. Docs said his blood count was low, and he'd need a transfusion.\n\n* Transfusion was done, and his fatigue resolved, but afterwards he displayed a lot of confusion. He wasn't always entirely sure what time of day it was, who he was speaking to on the phone or via facetime (organized by the nurse). He was moved out of the ICU, but the confusion continued. They transferred him to rehab, as he was very weak and needed extensive PT.\n\n* He's currently at the rehab/nursing home, but we are having trouble getting any information from the nurses. They only asked if the confusion was new, and we confirmed this. We've been trying to get updates on how he is doing, due to COVID we cannot visit him. He has stopped answering his phone and doesn't seem to want to speak on the phone, we think because he's not very aware of what's going on, and can't answer our questions.\n\nSo I'm wondering: is confusion after TAVR common? Is it permanent? Is there treatment? Is it possible it's a side effect of the transfusion? Thank you for reading!", "answer": "Confusion during and after hospitalization is common, and the term for medically-caused rapid-onset confusion is delirium. Some things can make it more likely. Anesthesia and surgery are some of those things. Unfortunately, while he needs to be in an environment that can provide rehab and care, unfamiliar and confusing surroundings can also prolong delirium.\n\nIf this is entirely delirium, it should improve, but it\u2019s not linear. It can take days or weeks to get mostly back to normal and months to fully go away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "k84vth", "comment_id": "gew3x9l"}, {"question": "Bf confusion", "description": "Okay so me and my rn ex bf have been together for pretty much 2 1/2 years. We broke in the summer for a hot minute but still saw each other at LEAST once a week and talked all the time (so does that even count??) and so we broke up again about 3 weeks ago bc he said he didn't want to bring a gf to college but he loves me?? But anyway we didn't talk for like a week then he saw me at a basketball game and texted and said he's sorry for how he acted he's just sad in life rn and he doesn't know what he wants blah blah blah we've hung out twice and I'm kinda like should I do this I LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM but like is it worth my own self esteem and happiness to go through talking and hanging out (not dating) and he may just be like nah sorry. I need advice what should I do? ", "answer": "in a long tumultuous rel., it won't survive without professional help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8mlc", "comment_id": "ddl182x"}, {"question": "Keeping busy", "description": "Ok, I am not Suzy Homemaker, but I am handy. When you are bored or stressed out, sometimes all you have to do is get busy doing something. Today, I disassembled my washer and scrubbed the agitator and made sure all my dogs were barking or at least preventing the agitator from going backwards. I won't gross you out with how filthy it was, but it's something you may want to do every decade. It was actually quite fun working with my hands again. I can't even remember what I was bummed about.", "answer": "I can relate tonight! Had an evening slump after an emotionally challenging Friday at work, and I decided to use a bunch of veggies and make vegan matzo ball soup as an experiment for the first time in my life (not a culturally familiar dish) and it totally turned my evening around. A satisfying, productive project can really warm the heart.", "topic": "MadOver30", "post_id": "dgovui", "comment_id": "f3dtux9"}, {"question": "Am I actually going crazy? Help please! (anxiety, other issues??)", "description": "So for the past few days ive been suffering with something thats left me with a lot of brain fog/memory issues when hungry. I get dizzy, fatigued, and lethargic unless I eat, and even after eating the problem is still not 100% gone. It has actually been improving over the past few days but last night was bizzare. When I woke up i was subconsciously rubbing my stomach and then after my eyes had opened, i had my hand in a position like I would hold my phone above my face. Please help, is this a form of sleepwalking or something? Or am i facing severe anxiety because ive been freaking out about my health issues. Also, everything feels weird right now, everything's like a daze and even though I can remember events etc. clearly I cant specifically point out things I did and when over the past few days. Thanks.", "answer": "I don't know what's going on, but I note your daily posts about your health. Whatever it is will only be reassured by getting a face to face consultation than from us on Reddit.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xpcb7", "comment_id": "d6hkpux"}, {"question": "Brother has trouble sleeping, doctor's aren't offering much support.", "description": "Hi lovely people of reddit. My brother (20) has had trouble sleeping for around a year and a half. It started when he became unemployed for a long period of time, he was temporarily using cannabis to get him to sleep but he has very recently stopped smoking it which was the best thing that could ever happen to him. But, he's panicking because the doctors had prescribed him Zopiclone 3.75mg about 5 months ago when he started working again and are now saying they won't prescribe him any more after his last dose, which is tonight. I know him, he won't take much persuading to start smoking weed again and this is a very strong push towards that solution. What can he do? He says that his doctor is very abrupt with him and isn't the most kind/open doctor so he doesn't feel like he can talk to him about this stuff. \n\nI've suggested going to a different doctor surgery (there's one right up the road) or asking to see a different doctor. However I don't know if the reason why they won't give him more is because the drug is dangerous or any other valid reason, if that is the case what are his alternatives? \n\nAny help would be amazing, so thanks in advance!", "answer": "Since becoming unemployed, what does he do during the day?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "626vt5", "comment_id": "dfkmon9"}, {"question": "I'm starting to feel like reality is slipping.", "description": "This is just a rant. I feel like the lines between my dreams and what's real is starting to slip. A few years ago I was bored and alone, so I starting talking to myself. Eventually I realized that \"Myself\" seemed a bit too different from myself, and when I asked his name he replied that he was Simon Uekami. I didn't really think much of him, and since he was helpful for fighting off boredom and making decisions, I liked him quite a bit too. Ever since I started doodling him into my diary, I'd start to see him around too, but I could still easily tell he was unreal. Besides, to speak he needed to use my mouth.\n\nBut then on a test two years after his \"birth\", I was stuck on a problem on an English test. It was asking me who told me about how to solve it. Since there was barely a minute left, I randomly came up with the name of \"Eisuke Saitou\". After the test, I saw him floating off the ceiling, telling me that he was the brand new voice in my head.\n\nI have a habit of lying all the time. I used to think that I was the greatest person on earth, the smartest, a bit on the handsome side, better than average at sports and crap. After seeing hard evidence that it wasn't the case (bullied, kicked from school, many failures). I realized I was actually a shit human being who looked \"okay\" at best, sucked at sports, and was a bit smarter than average but not by much. So I set that as my goal, and started lying all the time that I was still the greatest. I figured that if I gave everyone false expectations, I'll work until they were fulfilled. A self fulfilling prophecy. It worked, to an extent. But then I started lying about the most basic things, like how the graphite dots in my skin were a result of being bullied. I was actually stabbing them myself.\n\nI lied to myself too, because I learned of the concept of \"false memories\". If I lie to myself frequently, I'd start believing them. Because of that, my most often told stories probably aren't true. To prevent anyone from ever finding out about the lies, I became paranoid in many ways, hating ever being touched, telling people my legal name, and even the general direction of where I lived.\n\nI kept a diary to separate fact from fiction, but it started failing me when I tried to implement the lies I told myself in there too. Simon and Eisuke never let me forget that these lies are lies, but now I feel like they're telling me sometimes that the truth is a lie as well. \n\nI tried to hug my girlfriend yesterday, but right when I was about to, I stopped. I realized that she wasn't my girlfriend, it was just something I'd dreamed about a week ago. Until the very end, Eisuke had been encouraging me. When I confronted him about it, he giggled and told me that he'd told me a lie.\n\nI have to check and triple check all the time with people of who they are and their relationship with me, and whether I've met them before or not. But I catch myself doubting even them sometimes too. If I'm listening to some dramatic music when I'm talking to them, even if they're smiling, it feels like they're about to accuse me of something. Simon and Eisuke are looking more and more corporeal too. \n\nThey still tell me that yes, they don't exist and they're just a part of my imagination. But when I do something out of character (be overtly excited, be cold and indifferent) I can't feel but think that I'm being influenced by them.\n\nI'm losing my grip on reality, or am I just lying myself that that is the case? What if I'm not losing it, and I'm just saying so to be a drama queen? Whatever it is, the only thing I can think of is to keep lying that everything is fine (invalidating this post), and keep saying that I'm one of the Greatest Losers.", "answer": "sounds like you should find a psychiatrist that does talk therapy, they could help you with the blurring of reality and non-reality", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7hcf3l", "comment_id": "dqpw01m"}, {"question": "Tapering off Lexapro", "description": "Female, 25y/o, 5 foot 6 inches, 150 lbs, currently taking ranitidine and cyclafem, non smoker. \n\nI've been taking 10mg lexapro for seven years to treat anxiety and depression. After talking with my doctor, we came up with a plan to taper off it. 7.5mg for two weeks, 5mg for two weeks, 2.5mg for two weeks and then 2.5mg every other day for a week and then stop. I followed that except I added another week (so total of three weeks on 5mg) after feeling a lot of anxiety at 5mg.  \n\nI think the plan worked really well for me, I did feel a little nauseous and have some brain zap like things happening the first couple of days after each step down, but other than that I thought it was really manageable UNTIL 2.5 mg every other day. I felt really nauseous, and now I've been off it completely for five days and I feel terrrrrrrible. My brain feels like it's several seconds behind my body, I'm still nauseous, and I'm in just an awful mood. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make this stop or make it better. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to manage this or any idea on how long this will last. ", "answer": "Usually it lasts only a week or two, but it's variable. One option is to ask your doctor to prescribe the escitalopram liquid to you so you can make more fine\\-grained adjustments. You could take 1 mg or 0.5 mg or even less daily for as long as it takes to be comfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jfdb9", "comment_id": "dyzp7bt"}, {"question": "Writing a book, don't want to misrepresent mental health", "description": "I'm writing a fantasy book in which one of the characters suffers from PTSD. I'd like to make sure I'm treating the subject with the sensitivity it deserves and hopefully not spreading dangerous misinformation about the disorder. I do have a scene written in which a character has a traumatic flashback which is the focus of my request.\n\nWhat I am asking for is ways in which I can improve my handling of the issue, and any mistakes I'm making. I'll DM the google doc link to anyone offering their kind assistance on this matter.", "answer": "As both a reader and a therapist, I definitely recommend having a therapist read through your full draft once you are done! That goes double if you write any scenes that involve therapy at any point, which are often veeeeery painful to read. :)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk8wh5", "comment_id": "fwvuyik"}, {"question": "Antidepressant that's similar to Tramadol antidepressant effect.", "description": "I would like to switch to a weaker painkiller than Tramadol for my chronic pain, but I also would like to keep its antidepressant like effects if possible. I have no reason for wanting to switch other than wanting to see if anti-inflammatory medication works better, and to get of narcotic like medicaion. Essentially I want a long term solution than an as needed pain killer.\n\nAge: 24\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 6ft\n\nWeight:155ish lbs\n\nRace: White\n\nMedical Issue: Chronic Pain from joint damage. Pain scale 4-6 \n\nArea: Right shoulder, right wrist, right hip, right knee, left knee, and lower back.", "answer": "For that level of detail you might need a psychopharm expert, which I'm not. But from a quick look, Tramadol is an SNRI (among other things) so you might consider those. Duloxetine (Cymbalta) is a purer SNRI than some others, although the only way to know if that's especially good or bad for you is to e.g. try a SNRI/dopamine reuprake inhibitor like Effexor and see.\n\nIt could also be the 5HT2c antagonism that helps you, in which case good ol' Prozac is the easiest replacement.\n\nSadly we don't really understand antidepressants at the receptor level, so you could try those or try standard treatment with nothing in common with Tramadol and also have a good response, or try the \"similarly options and have no response. Those are where you can start, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a2ou7", "comment_id": "dwvd55x"}, {"question": "Trying to rebuild my life (A bit of a long read)", "description": "Hey guys! This is my first post here, wich I'm afraid may be a bit rant-ish, vent-ish, but, at the same time, I'm looking forward to hearing your experiences and, of course, any piece of advice and/or motivation will be great! Anyway, here's my story:\n\n\nSome months ago me and my ex-gf decided to end our relationship for good. From that moment on, I realized how much I isolated myself from the world. During those two years of relationship, I devoted myself almost entirely to her. Talked to her everyday, and went out on dates pretty much every week. It's not surprising that I walked away from my friends, and I wasn't that interested in making new ones in uni. I just went to lectures, and came back home...for the last four years.\n\nToday, I'm about to finish uni, and I feel like I made nothing out of my social life. When I walk through campus, sometimes I bump into some \"friends\", we chat, and I feel good. But once I come back home, it hits me again. This feeling of \"I have no friends\". \nI say \"friends\" because, although they seem to like me, they not call me, or say \"Hey, let's get some beers!\" or something. Maybe they're just dealing with their own stuff but, I don't know, I tend to overthink about this from time to time.\n\nFor a long time I thought I was the introverted type, but recently I realized I was just trying to force a label on me. I actually have fun when I have the chance to get out for drinks, parties, and, let's call it, all the \"normie\" stuff, although I also enjoy reading, writing, and playing videogames, wich are more \"lonely\" activities.\n\nI've been struggling, on one hand, with the loss of my ex, and on the other, with rebuilding my life. I've made progress on the first one, but on the second, I feel stuck. Like I said, I'm about to finish uni, and I'm wondering where the heck to make new friends. Good ones. I'm trying to recover the old friendships (wich I can't see quite often since they're older than me, and they just have their own life, jobs, trips, etc)., wich is fine, but I want to feel I have a social life besides them. I want to go out, have drinks, attend to parties, or just fool around for the sake of the sake. And I know pitying myself for feeling lonely or for having thrown my life to the trash can because of a relationship gets me nowhere. I think I'm not that kind of type anymore. I want to work for this, and, maybe, with time, come back here and tell you guys how I got myself out of the hole I voluntarily thrown myself into years ago.\n\n\nAnd this is it. What do you guys think? What is your advice? How do I start? What's your story? I really hope any of you guys can relate to what I just typed, and hopefully, come up with a success story. I just want to feel it's not just me who's dealing with a similar situation. Thanks in advance, and hope to hear from you soon! Cheers!", "answer": "It's never too late.  Although 2 of my 3 best friends I made in college (the other I grew up with) many of my close friends I didn't meet until after college when I moved to a large city.  I found other guys that were around my age that lived close by that were also new to the city, we exchanged numbers and started hanging out, going to bars together, playing video games, etc.  \n\n\nWhen it comes to those acquaintances that you have make sure that you're putting in a good amount of effort up front.  Don't wait for them to call you or invite you to go to a bar or to hang out.  Invite them.  You may have gotten into a bad habit being in the relationship and getting so enmeshed that for a long time you didn't have to really put any effort in because what you would be doing socially was just habit.  When it comes to making friends you have to put yourself out there and not wait for your acquaintances to contact you or invite you hang out.  You may find the rare person or two that will always be reaching out to you, but most folks are going to wait to make sure you're willing to put in the effort too before they start.  Some folks may become good friends, but just the type of people where you're going to have to do most of the planning or inviting.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9kqvm5", "comment_id": "e7155c5"}, {"question": "I need help about this one girl", "description": "I am 14/m. This one girl asked me out a little more than a month ago. I was really surprised and shocked that she did because I really did like her. After a week or so she broke up with me and I can't stop thinking about her since. I still really like her but I don't know what to do. I don't talk to her at school anymore because people bother me about it and it just gets awkward so now I only text her. Please help I don't know what to do, everything I do just reminds me of her. Thank You", "answer": "you just have to try to let it go. it's hard, but she's young and it's hard to figure out this stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6becsd", "comment_id": "dhlxcpn"}, {"question": "My therapist was like \"fake it 'till you make it...\" I actually was pissed. What the fuck do you think I'm doing? I'm faking it every day. I pretend to care at work, with friends, at the grocery store, etc. I'm sick of having a fake smile on my face.", "description": "I've been trying to do things that interest me, and even that's not working. I 'want' to put a new fender on my car, bought it, removed the old one, and don't care enough to finish. \n\nI've been embarrassed driving the car as is, but can't care enough to just do it. I don't care about work, eating, exercising, watching a movie, doing something online, etc. I just don't care. \n\nAnd it sucks. My life is stagnant and I wish I could move forward... \n\n​", "answer": " It might help to distinguish between two things: what you do and how you feel. There is a well studied intervention for depression called Behavioral Activation which essentially boils down to motivating a depressed person to get out and do things. The theory is that, as the depressed person engages with the environment, they tend to get interested in the environment,  and that sets up a self motivating feedback loop where the person becomes more likely to do it again spontaneously, and in that way depressive social withdrawing is undermined.\n\nWhat your therapist said felt invalidating, however and its easy to see how your pain seems to be glossed over and ignored. If your therapist was suggesting behavioral activation, he sure failed to help you understand why its a good idea and he sure missed how upset the instruction made you feel. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9pp1pr", "comment_id": "e84edzu"}, {"question": "\"ASK\" Documentary (Nov '16 Release Date)", "description": "I'm new to Reddit and had no idea a community of recovery existed like this. Very cool. I've been sober for 4 years and currently live in Dallas, TX and go to a group called DAA (Drug Addicts Anonymous).\n\nI'm posting to share a documentary I've been working on with a team of addicts and codependents for the past 2 years. We want to encourage people by hearing stories of alcoholics, addicts, codependents, teaching, and hopefully laughing. Our film is nonprofit and will be given away for free online.\n\nYou can see the trailer of the film here: http://www.askdocumentary.com", "answer": "Just watched the trailer....can't wait for the release. I'm an addictions counselor and would love to be able to show this in my group sessions to my clients. Thank you for doing this", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "56021h", "comment_id": "d8h9fh1"}, {"question": "I need someone to talk to me without judgement (explicit language)", "description": "I am a huge fucking mistake. A big one. I h have a GED and no college degree. I am always \"between jobs\" or something like that.\n\nI recently got a new job at a gas station it is a horrible place. The pay, the people, everything. They treat me like shit which I deserve because I am two weeks in and still making stupid mistakes. I cry every night over this job. \n\nNow for my boyfriend and I and this is where the no judgement part comes in. We have been together for 2 years. I love him so much. But last year he went to 3 day concert and it almost killed me. I have severe social anxiety and I knew it wouldn't be good if I went. He had the time of his life drinking and stuff basically like mardi gras. I ended up in the hospital after no sleep for 3 days with extremely high blood pressure. We talked it over and he said he wouldn't go. I am so scared he will resent me if he doesn't get to go. I am trying to be social and do more things for him. I am pushing myself to go to small concerts and stuff. I need opinions on this.\n\nI know I sound messed up I was abused and cheated on. I am seeking therapy but it is hard when you have no insurance. I just need someone to talk to. I am in a bad place. I feel like everyone would be happier without me.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSounds like you've been through a lot in your life. I'm glad that you are seeing someone IRL. You are right that not having insurance can put a damper on seeing someone; it's a tough situation for anyone. \n\nOne strength that I am seeing throughout your post is that you have attempted to combat your social anxiety, and that is awesome! Mad props to you. You have someone who cares about you and your well-being, and in order to help, you are putting yourself out there for him socially. That takes guts.\n\nI would imagine that the anxiety also causes some difficulty at work? That would certainly explain the \"between jobs\" sentiment, as well as having trouble keeping jobs that you do get. It becomes like a vicious cycle.\n\nYou have two great things going for you: you are doing the best that you can to survive and you are seeing a therapist. You are in a position to really utilize both of those tools to take a good hard look at what you want out of life.\n\nBut first, you gotta get out of your head for a second. Yea, that's easier said than done. Yes, it will tear you up inside for a quick minute. Your counselor can help you out with that. Finding some good coping strategies for anxiety will help reduce those feelings and give you some breathing room, which I bet you are silently screaming for. \n\nThat's when the real work will start. Keep up keeping up for now. \n\nBest of luck to you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5117dt", "comment_id": "d78iejz"}, {"question": "How to move on?", "description": "So I came to the concusion that she is just not that into me :( lol. It stings but their is nothing I can do to change this. Not a big deal time to move on, just one problem...\n\nIt is summer now, I'm out of school. I don't know how to meet people outside of school. I feel like finding someone else to talk to is one of the only ways to get her off my mind but I can't meet people outside of school...", "answer": "It sounds like you don't have a lot of friends, so you invested a lot in her which is now a problem since you realize she hasn't invested as much.   You might be served well by focusing on finding others in your area with similar interests and focusing on building those relationships.  I know that it's kind of generic advice, but there are a lot of posts detailing ways to do that.  \n\nTry to focus on making it as fun of a summer as you can.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "290wu1", "comment_id": "ciggwy2"}, {"question": "How to get friends to trust you?", "description": "Anyone know how you can get someone (or more) to trust you very much?", "answer": "Be trustworthy? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "12samj", "comment_id": "c6xsu3m"}, {"question": "How extreme is my depression?", "description": "I'm a freshman right now at one of the top competitive colleges in America. Also, I have never been diagnosed with depression, or have ever seen a therapist/counselor. I don't want to say that I feel sad most of the time, but at the same time I'm never happy. I can be happy momentarily for my friends, but when I'm by myself, I just switch off. Reading a list of depression symptoms, I can relate to some of them, like excessive sleep, loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, memory problems and being irritable, but at the same time I don't have symptoms like changes in appetite, feeling shaky, sweating, or having hot flashes, feeling lightheaded, sick to your stomach, or out of breath. I've always felt like happy people are just screwing themselves over for life. I just feel like sleeping or doing nothing. I'm never caught up on the things I need to do, even if I know I need to do them. Secretly, I wish that I would be in a fatal accident so I don't have to deal with the world. I have been like this my entire life growing up, but I don't even know if I am depressed. ", "answer": "Hey there, if it is interfering in your life (which it is, or you wouldnt be here), then you ought to think about seeing a counselor. All of what you described are symptoms of depression, and when you add in the thoughts about death, it sounds serious. \n\nMost colleges have therapists on staff that are fully trained and competent for these things. Maybe try seeing one of them?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "speds", "comment_id": "c4gadju"}, {"question": "Friend-zoned after 6 years", "description": "I've dated the same girl for six years. We were both each others first and ive always envisioned spending the rest of my life with this girl. A few months ago she told me that shes feeling more like a friend to me. She suggested we should go on a break. I resisted and told her we should try and work it out. About a week ago she said she was still feeling the same so i agreed to the break. \nShe told me that she doesnt want to feel this way and she always sees us together, and  believe her. The break is only for a week and we say goodnight everynight. \nFirst, has this type of break ever worked for you? And second, is there something i should be doing to help this work?", "answer": "Having been on the other side of your situation, I agree with the other comments: this is a break up. Your best bet is to insist on a total ban on communication--it will either result in her realizing what she's giving up or it will ensure you get a head start on healing. Don't torture yourself by trying to be friends (not right away). It DOES NOT WORK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "o4ivd", "comment_id": "c3eb5bp"}, {"question": "My live-in [26/m] bf of 4 years is now living paycheck to paycheck while I'm [28/f] living financially stable. Should I stick around until he's in a more stable situation?", "description": "Since moving to a new city, my BF has been struggling with money. We split most expenses and I've been paying off most of the bills or he just owes me $$ (splitwise helps keep track of how much we owes me). The spark is gone. He's more of a roommate than a boyfriend. I'm worried I'm just sticking around for pity's sake. I feel like I'm in a relationship obstacle or some sort of roadblock. Should I stay and hope the spark comes back when he's struggling less with his work and $$ situation or call it good?", "answer": "If the pilot light is off, it won't come back on at this point.If it's flickering, and there's something to build on, and he has the same goals as you and a good plan, then maybe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75y7m8", "comment_id": "do9tqq6"}, {"question": "Can a trigger like this be addressed in therapy?", "description": "I have this trigger which causes me to almost cry when triggered. Every time I hear someone is having lots of sex it\u2019s like a signal goes off in my head and I think I\u2019m a loser,to the point where it causes me to cry,this is embarrassing to admit lol. I\u2019m 21 and still a virgin. I go to the gym and work out and I have relatively no problem talking to women,but every time they flirt I feel intimidated and do/say some asshole shit,which pushes them away,which makes me feel safe,but this leads to more loneliness and sadness. I cry/almost cry every day", "answer": "Yes this can be addressed in therapy. This is something that can be worked through before it worsens into something like a depressive episode.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e1fqs6", "comment_id": "f8owdsh"}, {"question": "Came here because just realized 4chan Doesn't care if I have Depression.", "description": "Hello reddit I am pretty stoned and I realized that I have had clinical depression for Years now and I now look back at the pictures in my phone nd my old pics from 2008 to present day (right now as I'm High) and I see How sad and lifeless I look and also how I have been the cause of everything bad that has happened to my family.\nI'ts basically a two part question..\n>How do I stop thinking about this so I can enjoy my High\n>What should I do about being in denial about depression and does treatment work or is it all psychotherapy?\n\nbecause If it's phycotherapy I'm afraid of the things I might say to the psychologist cause I would get sent to the psychward Forever.", "answer": "I don't feel comfortable giving you advice while you are high on a substance.  The best I can say if you want to change your mood while high I would suggest listening to music that you enjoy and that would put you in a good mood.  Try to switch your thoughts to positive ones just change what you are doing altogether.  There are many types of therapy nowadays, it is not all psychotherapy.  Wait until you are sober to revisit these thoughts.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3iuedg", "comment_id": "cujphan"}, {"question": "Has anyone been helped by medication?", "description": "I've gone through most of the medications, and I didn't feel like any of them helped. I'm on anafranil right now, and even that's not helping. Next I will try Paxil.\n\nI'm not looking for it to cure me...just to help me to think less obessively and make it a bit easier for me to not give into compulsions.", "answer": "Zoloft is my savior.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4h4s8w", "comment_id": "d2nik8b"}, {"question": "PCOS and weight loss surgery", "description": "Anyone here have WLS due to PCOS? If so did you lose the weight quickly or slower than average. I'd love to gain some insight before having a VSG. Thanks everyone!", "answer": "My personal concern wouldn't be so much that you wouldn't lose weight - you're practically malnourished so that feels like a certainty, even if it may be slower. My concern would be gaining it back if the underlying hormonal imbalance that caused weight gain in the first place isn't actually addressed or managed. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "97ifld", "comment_id": "e48xqiz"}, {"question": "The day finally came", "description": "M26. It only took roughly 2.5 years, but I finally got my own place and moved out of my parents house. Just over 2.5 years ago I graduated college, landed my first job, and moved back into my parents place \"temporarily\". I then spent 1.5 years getting drunk by myself most weekends and hating life. With another year of struggling to sober up, I finally decided it was time to move out and last night was my first official night in my new place. I even went on a 3rd date with a girl last weekend. I am still trying to figure out who I am and the last couple of months feel almost like a dream. All I know is for the first time in a long time, I am starting to like the person staring back at me when I look in the mirror.", "answer": "That cloud has been lifted buddy. Keep it up!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4401l8", "comment_id": "czmijs4"}, {"question": "I'm 35 today", "description": "The birthday party was on Friday (I didn't even need your help for this one) and I am just chilling now and thinking about life, how everything has been so much better lately - since I stop drinking. This is the life I want to live from now on. \n\nI would like to thank you all, you really helped me when I needed it and I know you will help me again.\n\nEDIT: thanks for all your wishes. I am so happy and proud to be here! ", "answer": "Happy birthday from myself and my father who are also celebrating a birthday today!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1tyr4t", "comment_id": "cecuh5o"}, {"question": "Desperate, in need of some serious advice. Possible Neurological problems. Scared.", "description": "Hi guys, my wife is sick and I don't know what to do, it started in February of 2015, we were in the hospital with our son who broke his leg and required 4 or 5 surgeries with a possibility of total loss of the limb. My wife had her first migraine/severe headache in the middle of the night. We thought maybe she slept wrong and pinched something in the hospital chair or it was due to the stress of our son being in such severe pain. After we finally got home and things calmed down we thought they would stop. They didn't. A month or so in they were coming pretty frequently and then we noticed her left hand was kind of shaky, just thought it would go away. But as time went on the shaking turned to tremors and spread to all her limbs and head and neck. The migraines are 3-4 times a week with always some degree of constant headache in between. She has experienced these things that we think are called brain zaps in her sleep. She says its like a big electric bomb going off in her head. There are these spells she goes through where her eyes will start to black out and her hearing will fail and she will nearly pass out but hasn't yet. Sometimes her migraine will be so intense that she physically can't open her eyes/speak to me, the only thing pulling her out of these spells are an injection called imitrex that i give her and it doesn't totally fix anything. Just enough for her to deal. Sometimes she will go to the doctor and get a toridol shot but that only lasts a few hours to a few days. And now in the past 6 months or so her whole body itches severely. And constantly. But no rashes or spots or dry skin or anything. Just invisible itching. It's literally driving her insane. Shes been to the best doctors in the state at the university of Iowa. And not a single diagnosis. She's been tested for MS and Parkinson's Disease. She's had MRIs done. And nothing. I'm scared it's going to just keep getting worse. That she will never get better. I don't know what to do for her. I am desperate for something. Some kind of hope. Anything would be huge for me and GREATLY appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "It does sound a bit like conversion disorder. Has she had a psychiatric assessment?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52o240", "comment_id": "d7ma16v"}, {"question": "Ughhh!", "description": "Will the damn coughing out strings of thick phlegm ever stop! Shouldn't I be over it by now. Smoked since 16, 26 now. Should I go to el doctaro?", "answer": "How long has it been? Pretty normal for a few weeks, I think!", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "2cugum", "comment_id": "cjj8v53"}, {"question": "I am [21/f] and fiance [24/m] break up or save the relationship?", "description": "I need help as to what to do. I feel very isolated right now since I have no real friends to talk to and my family would prefer I not talk to them about my relationship with my fiance cuz they do not like him. I am considering breaking up with him. We have been together for 2 years and I feel like I'm the one who has been pushing himself to do better in life. He's very insecure and I try to be supportive and kind but I feel like I'm being too nice and am a pushover. For instance, he wants a family: house, kids, marriage, the whole works. But there's no foundation. I've been begging him for a year now to get his GED which he has the ability and access to get, so he can get a better job than the fast food cook he has been bouncing back and forth in for a while now. He changes jobs like a girl with shoes and that makes me very scared. I wanted to finish college but he wants to start a family and promises me that I can still finish school, but I feel like I'm gonna be the breadwinner of the family since I stay at my jobs and pay bills when they are supposed to. I feel like I cannot trust him financially and with our future. Also, I feel like he's controlling me in some way. we have broken up twice, each by him, every time I try to stand up for myself there is an argument and I end up crying frustrated and hurt cuz he used to say mean and hurtful things to me such as, \"Every other man would've left you but I stayed.\" which was during a situation when my mom got sick with lupus and became disabled and I wanted to be there for her. He wasted his money on weed and then asked me for money to help feed his nephews and niece (who were staying with him at the time). He says he payed me back all the money I have given hi and his own family by buying me bus tickets to go see him at his parents house in another state. He turns arguments around onto me, telling me that I'm wrong and I shouldn't feel that way. And as far as sex, there are times when I was so exhausted and he still wanted to have sex even when I didn't want to. He told me I wasn't attracted to him anymore and made me feel guilty so I ended up doing it. This has happened many times. He didn't consider my health, thinking my epipen serious dog allergy was no big deal until I actually showed him the doctors form stating how serious it was. Many other thins have happened that if I wrote them all down it would become a book. About eight months ago, he broke up with me cuz I told him I felt like a sexual object to him instead of a human being and I wanted to stop doing certain things I was doing with him because I felt uncomfortable. He said I shouldn't feel uncomfortable cuz it was him and we were practically married anyways being engaged. Anyhoo he broke up with me and we got back together a week later. I wanted to start over as friends, he wanted to continue where we left off. Guess which way that went. He says he's changed and I have seen drastic changes with him. And he says I can talk to him now and he won't get angry. He still gets insanely jealous though, even to the point I couldn't shower in gym classes with other girls cuz he was afraid lesbians would hit on me. I had to explain every one of my guy friends to him, and he checks them out on my fb all the time. I feel afraid that if I do talk to him he'll be like before. He has made comments on how he can't live without me and he has told me about past suicide attempts he had and it scares me that if I do break up with him he'll kill himself. I don't know what to do. He wants a family, but I don't feel ready. I wanted to finish college and get things organized for a family like a good job for both of us, a good solid place to live, marriage, things like that. Basically, stability. I want him to see the great things he can do if only he believed in himself more. I do love him and want to give him another chance, but I know I may sounds selfish for this, I want to think of my life too. I have put so much on hold for him: my education, my next to nothing social life, a better job, family, friends, my passion for music (my career choice) and even my health for him. I really do not know what to do. I feel lost and confused. I feel I may be acting like a selfish and horrible person. If anyone can help me I would appreciate it. Thank you. \nEdit: I am afraid if I break up with him he will try and kill himself. Or even come to my place and try to \"win me back\". Every time I try and stick up for myself he says that I've \"changed\" and that \"I'm not the girl he used to know\", for instance he wants me to send dirty photos and videos to him. I don't like having myself splashed out there for anyone to see if someone happens by his phone and plus it makes me feel cheap. I tried explaining that to him and he says that it's him and I shouldn't feel that way and I don't find him attractive sexually anymore and that it makes him feel insecure. When I try to tell him I'm not comfortable with it, he says I should cuz it is him and we are engaged and it's not a big deal. I end up apologizing after the argument and I feel empty inside cuz I did give in. He wants me to move in with him soon and honestly I don't want to. I feel like if I do, everything I have worked so hard for will be flushed down the drain and that one day he will hurt me or he will hurt himself cuz I will get so fed up with him and start a very heated argument or something. His father and mother are very violent with one another and so is the rest of his family and I feel like he will eventually turn into his dad (a very nasty man). If we have a child, we won't be ready for it, even though he wants a son very badly. I want real love, and I feel like he is not giving me the love I deserve. I honestly have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm at the fork in the road and need help.", "answer": "go to couple therapy. in 3 months you'll know what to do.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5odk73", "comment_id": "dcij5qg"}, {"question": "What went wrong in my 2 years of CBT?", "description": "I was in an emotionally toxic environment. It started off just not good when I started therapy and escalated to truly toxic overtime. In the beginning I sensed something was deeply wrong with the toxic environment, but it was hard to explain. It looked great from the outside.  Week after week, story after story, My therapist repeatedly told me to \u201cjust sit with it\u201d.  He would say, \u201cWhat if that perception you have isn\u2019t true?\u201d.  I was told to question my reality. I was depressed and didn\u2019t want to believe it. I basically feel like my CBT experience taught me my feelings of danger were wrong (they were right, I should have left way sooner, before it got so bad). My body and mind were rebelling and throughout CBT I was encouraged to \u201cchallenge that, where\u2019s the evidence, that\u2019s one perception of that interaction...try to reframe the experience\u201d there should have been no reframing - I was harassed and taken advantage of.  I feel cbt convinced me I was wrong, the situation wasn\u2019t that bad, and I should \u201cstick it out\u201d I wish I left sooner.  In hindsight it was SO bad. How can I trust any therapist/therapy or even my own feelings after this?  How *should* cbt work here and when does the therapist step in (if at all) and say, \u201cyou\u2019re being emotionally abused,  this is wrong, save yourself, leave\u201d.", "answer": "You'll find it's pretty rare for a therapist to ever say that last part to you regardless of what modality they work from.  \n\nWhile I'm not a big fan of CBT in general, the way it should work is that they should have you considering all options, evidenced for, evidenced against, and making your own decision based off of what you come up with without the therapist pushing you towards any option or choice.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f64iq9", "comment_id": "fi4gw3c"}, {"question": "Serotonin Syndrome? 20F Prozac", "description": "So, to preface this, I have never taken an SSRI in my life, I do not take any other medication, I am 5\u20198\u201d, 107 lbs, and I smoke. \n\nAfter my first day of taking 20 mg of Prozac, I woke up with an upset stomach, and I was a little jittery, but it wore off throughout the day. But this morning when I woke up, I woke up around 4 AM into one of the worst panic attacks I\u2019ve ever had, and couldn\u2019t calm myself down until around 11 AM. During this I got progressively more confused and nauseous, until I started shaking, sweating, and dry heaving until around 12:30 PM when I laid down. Once I laid down my muscles started twitching, and I was either sweating profusely, or way too cold. I did have a fitful bout of sleep until about 4 PM, when I woke up and didn\u2019t feel as nauseous, but still felt distant and kind of dizzy. I tried to eat some soup, and my stomach started to bother me again, so now I\u2019ve been laying down trying not to vomit, shaking, sweating, and twitching for the last few hours. \n\nI\u2019m pretty sure this is Serotonin Syndrome, I think it\u2019s a mild case, so I\u2019m not gonna take the Prozac tonight. Should I still seek out medical help if I feel this way tomorrow when I wake up? I did call my psychiatrist to let her know.", "answer": "The internet seems to use serotonin syndrome to mean \"anything caused by increased serotonin.\" That's not what it means, although that's confusing. It's impossible to say without an exam, but what you describe probably wasn't serotonin syndrome. It might have been, but I don't think it was.\n\nStill, that's on the high end of unpleasantness from starting an SSRI. The first day is often the worst, but if it's that bad it's worth discussing with your psychiatrist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ghe4nk", "comment_id": "fq8btac"}, {"question": "Could be a neurotypical brain thing, but how many people seem to have their ADHD ramp up when they get nervous?", "description": "I have an interview in an hour for a job that is as close to a dream job as I could imagine. The pay bump is decent just on the starting salary and it would be way more rewarding than anything I've done. \n\nWith kind of importance, my nerves are on the fritz. And now I'm typing this out to you guys/gals instead of making sure I'm prepped.\n\nIs it just a world-wide normal thing to not be able to focus when you're nervous, or does having ADHD just make it that much worse?", "answer": "good luck for the interview!!\n\n​\n\nam undiagnosed - have session on Saturday - but yes, my brain goes completely panic haywire and I have to write lists\n\n  \nHell, I have to go into job interviews with loads of notes...embarrasing", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aejlxl", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "Got a tetanus shot 3 weeks ago and still have pain in arm?", "description": "Im an 18 year old male and about 3 weeks ago I got a tetanus shot. Ever since I have had a pretty painful ache whenever I lift my arm. Should I be worried?", "answer": "Probably not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "76h50m", "comment_id": "doe4es2"}, {"question": "100+ temperature, given toradol and sent home.", "description": "Age:54\n\nSex: F\n\nDoC: 5 hours\n\nWeight: 200lbs\n\nRace: White\n\nMeds: Toradol\n\n\n\nMy mother has been having kidney pain, shes found out last year that she has cysts on her kidneys. \n\nThis morning she was feeling sick, migraine, nausea and she had a high temp. \n\nShe went to the emergency room had all her vitals run and some blood work and not any blood work for her kidney. \n\nMy mother was sent home after receiving an IV of something she's doesn't know and a toradol tablet. \n\nMy fear is that she's developing scepsis. Toradol masks fever. She says shes feeling better.\n\nI call the emergency room in anger for sending her home, I spoke to a nurse, whom asked me for her name, date of birth and holy fucking Im just thinking about this right now but according to her she was stable with no fever and she left stable with no fever, but what Im just realizing is didnt she just violate HIPPA?\n\nSo is this normal. My mom lives in Washington I live in Melbourne Australia.", "answer": "Without knowing what labs were done it's hard to pass judgment. The labs that are almost always sent are a CBC and BMP, a.k.a. Chem 7. The CBC is good, though not perfect, for detecting infection; the BMP is reasonably good at detecting kidney injuries. Most fevers don't lead to sepsis, and sepsis would need to present with more than just fever. And it sounds like she did not have a fever when evaluated in the ER.\n\nIf she gets worse, she should be all means return. But most fevers are unpleasant and brief, probably viral but never really diagnosed, and there is no treatment for them. Spending more time in an ER is unlikely to help.\n\nHospitals are allowed to give out some information. In particular, HIPAA allows disclosure of a patient's condition in one word (e.g. stable, critical, etc.) and location (particularly if discharged) to anyone who asks about a patient by name. A patient can request that information not be revealed, but unless he or she does it's legal to reveal it. Technically the nurse said too many words (\"stable with no fever\" instead of just \"stable\") but that's a big nitpick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ag5211", "comment_id": "ee3py4p"}, {"question": "Should I seek help from a psychologist or help myself?", "description": "I used to have GAD last year, but by taking care of myself, exercising a lot, meditating daily and losing weight, I got over it quite easily and happily, so I felt like I was invincible.\n\nThat's why recently I started abusing coffee and got a panic attack a few days ago. The panic attack didn't scare me off itself, but the aftermath of it does.\n\nYou know, the kind of feeling when you think you're done with it and it came back. I thought I was mentally invincible (I even skydived a few times last month without having a sweat), and now I got hit. I felt depressed by that fact alone.\n\nSo I started the journey I once successfully took to fight anxiety and panic disorder. I exercised more. The thing is, I also withdrew from coffee (cold turkey) and now the effect of caffeine withdrawal starts to hit me too. Generally, I feel anxious (but not too anxious), tired, got a horrible mood swing.\n\nThe only thing I'm not sure now is whether I should seek help from a psychologist or just try to help myself like I once did. I'm not sure if my current state is very much affected by the coffee withdrawal or the anxiety disorder has come back to me...\n\nWhat do you think I should do? Any advice would be much appreciated.", "answer": "If it's causing you problems/distress- it could very well be worth it seeking help from a psychologist.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2gn3tx", "comment_id": "cklfv00"}, {"question": "How do I politely but clearly ask a psychologist to... \"Cut the crap\" and get to actual treatment?", "description": "So, 4th time is the charm, eh? Or so i hope... I have been to 3 psychologists in the last few years. All gave me the same \"Just try to think about it differently\" level bullshit, that helped nothing. My depression and anxiety are now seriously ednagering my ability to finish university, not just On Time, but AT ALL.\n\nHow can I politely and respectfully tell a psychologist that \"Look, either we get to psychotherapy and/or medication within a month or thanks and goodbye\"? \n\nI know making a diagnosis takes time. I'm okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is spending months and hundreds of dollars sothat I can go to a strangers place for an hour to tell them about my week, and then listen to them advise \"Did you try just ignoring it?\" ", "answer": "1. If you are really seeing Psychologists, you're not gonna get medications from him/her. That requires a doctor/Psychiatrist.\n2. Figure out what you believe effective treatment looks like--and tell your provider *that*. Often CBT (the most evidence-based treatment for Anxiety/Depression) consists of reality-testing, looking for alternative perspectives or thoughts, etc... which sounds like it might be the modality you've experienced. If that's not working for you, perhaps more in-depth (read: long term, sorry) psychodynamic is what you need. \n\nHope this helps guide your thinking as you go forward with care providers. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7d5vst", "comment_id": "dpvdze2"}, {"question": "Anyone else feel that one messed up interaction ruins their day?", "description": "So today I'm so frustrated as I could have easily had a good conversation but instead fucked it. So I was walking to a cafe for no other reason than to just leave the apartment and someone I know came up in their car and asked if I wanted a lift. I shit my way through this interaction. I'm probably overthinking this but j felt as though I couldn't keep the conversation going and never got it to an area where we could properly talk even though we specifically spoke about a mutual band were interested in. When we got there he said something along the lines of meeting up for a drink once finals are over and I said yeah sounds good. \n\nHowever I was waking to the cafe after and felt that I fucked up the interaction by not being present and overthinking, now I'm sad as it's still early and I have nothing to do for the rest of the day and I'm just thinking about how they've probably got a ton going on. Sorry for the rant I just hate how bad I am at normal conversations ", "answer": "Have you thought about therapy? A good therapist could help you break these negative thinking spirals, and make it easier for you to shake off a bad interaction and get on with your day.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4aocbr", "comment_id": "d131lga"}, {"question": "Question about psychotherapist (psychodynamic)", "description": "I just had my first appointment. I was extremely anxious going, and I left feeling even worse. The therapist seemed like a robot, I felt no human connection at all. Her questions were as if coming from a conveyor belt, all starting with same words. I work in different field of healthcare myself (not mental obviously) and if my patient seems anxious I do whatever I can to comfort them (and it always helps to some degree at least). So when I go to see a mental health professional who seems like she doesn't feel any empathy at all even though I'm sure she should see how bad I feel it made me feel very confused and anxious. Is this some psychotherapist thing where they are not supposed to show their feelings? Are all therapist the same regardless of the type of therapy (cbt etc.)? I don't necessarily mean I want someone who tells me it's all going to be okay and hugs me but telling my most personal fears to person who doesn't seem to care feels horrible.", "answer": "No, most therapists are not thins way. While this could sometimes be a feature of psychodynamic therapy, it isn't particularly common. Sometimes questioning can be like this when it comes to intake questions. Bring it up with her, and if things don't improve, it is probably time to find a different therapist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3npujy", "comment_id": "cvq968o"}, {"question": "[kind of an update from a previous post]I [31M] am being cheated on by my girlfriend [27F] and I don't know if I should pull the plug or fight for our relationship, we have 3 young kids.", "description": "Previous post:\n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/6coqvx/i_31m_recently_split_up_with_gf_27f_of_7_years/\n\nSo thanks to you great people I now know what to do if I were to decide to end our relationship, which is to lawyer up and get separation/custody agreements in place for the sake of our children. But the problem is deciding whether or not it's time to give up and move on.\n\nI do want to provide a little bit of context, just to see if it helps.\n\nI'm being cheated on. It's a guarantee. She has been caught, and she has apologized profusely for it. I do think she's genuinely remorseful, and does actually love me. But here's the problem. I think she loves the other guy also and just doesn't realize it. Or to be more realistic, she knows she loves him, but she denies it to me. Like the original post first stated, the cheating had been going on for a few months, and it was with one of her coworkers. I had suspected it for a while because of the change in her behavior, but I never really had any evidence until late May, when I saw messages and images on her phone that made it perfectly clear she was involved in a secret relationship with this guy. Still, I had no actual proof that they were physical because she denied ever being physical to the bitter end, however she did completely admit to the emotional cheating, which is just as bad, but did apologize for that.\n\nImmediately after that, things changed with her. Right away I noticed she was a different person. She was more attentive to me and to our children. She stopped going out after work. She gave me access to her phone. She stopped texting and calling this guy (I was able to verify this). However there was still 2 big problems. 1) she still worked at the same place. Not a lot she can do about that, although admittedly she did begin to actively look for employment elsewhere. The second issue is that she used her employment with him as a justification to NOT delete him from social media (FB, IG, and Snapchat, sigh) because she feared it would create an awkward work environment, and that he was \"crazy\" so she didn't want any drama. She never really ever elaborated on these \"crazy\" and \"work drama\" claims, and attempts by me for her to clarify only resulted in us fighting, so I usually dropped the argument. Unfortunately, I could never let it go, so any time I noticed that she would send him a Snapchat message, I would get angry and a fight would ensue. However she would never delete/block him, and instead turned everything around on me to where I would feel bad even arguing with her. This went on for a few weeks. Literally every since argument we had was because of her continued interaction with this guy. It's like, how the fuck does she not see that, given what has happened, she NEEDS to remove him from her life?\n\nAnyway, fast forward to last week. After about a month of trying she finally landed a new job that she is very excited about, so this would be her last week at her current job. Another big bombshell. She was careless and forgot to delete an SMS thread between her and this guy from that day, and I have all but confirmed that A) they have been talking a lot the entire time, and B) they HAVE been physical (because they spoke about in via SMS). I flipped out of course. But again, she continues to deny being physical and will not budge. Even after me telling her \"girlfriend, if you had sex with him I can forgive you for that, but I really need you to be honest and stop lying because I cannot forgive that!\". But she insists that they didn't have sex. Here's my \"proof\" from what I saw on her phone. In the SMS she invited him over to our home for sex after work because she knew nobody would be home. What she is telling me is that he did come over, but they didn't have sex because she started crying and couldn't go through with it. She's sticking to her same story that they have never had sex, but thought they might be able to today since it was her official last day of work, so kind of like a last hurrah for them. However the conversation via SMS wasn't consistent with that story, because they were talking like people who have had sex before several times, it even referenced a time earlier in that week that they had sex (I can't believe I'm sitting here typing this, wondering if this is still worth fighting for LOL). In fact, in this same thread they were even bickering like an actual couple LOL (he was acting jealous over a THIRD guy from their job LOL), and this girl has a boyfriend with 3 freaking kids! So guys, this is pretty clear. It's hitting on the fucking jaw. But tell me why I fucking forgave her again and BELIEVED her?!\n\nWe had a weekend trip planned the following day, which came close to disintegrating because of this, but we talked things through and went through with the trip. Again, she was extremely remorseful and cried like I have never seen her cry before, but she maintains that she has never had sex with him. She can't possibly be this stupid, or think that I AM stupid enough to believe this, right? I am basically telling to just admit and  I will forgive her, but she refuses to, and in fact says \"meme_dad you are just trying to get me to admit because you think it will make you feel better, but it isn't the truth so I'm not going to admit to it\". For the record, I don't believe her, but even then I'm not taking any real action (hence why I'm here asking on RA). Anyway so we had a pretty great weekend. We had amazing sex, something we haven't had all year. Admittedly, the sex we have had this year has not been good. I take partial responsibility because I haven't been exciting enough. Though I would argue that the way she's acted pretty much all year has changed me emotionally, and because of that I went from being a confident guy who loves to fuck, to somebody who has developed insecurity problems. But anyway we had great, rough sex, and a LOT of it. We spoke about sex, a lot. For the first time she opened up to me about how she just didn't find me exciting and I wasn't pleasing her the way she wanted. Which again, was news to me because from my perspective her sex drive has been completely dead this past year. Hearing this made me feel a little good because it gave me hope. Maybe she's right? Maybe this is turning point for us? Maybe she's finally going to fucking leave this other guy.\n\nSo anyway the weekend was great, she told me she wanted me to marry her, the whole nine yards. She told me she only wanted to be with me and doesn't love anybody else, and she is very excited that I am going to be a lot more rough and exciting with her in bed because she has been needing that and hasn't been getting it. Like I said, this feels good (almost like a turning point for us), but I fear this might also be a form of manipulation.\n\nAnother thing she does that really confuses me is she still shows an insane amount of jealous towards female friends of mine. I think this might be a big key because I feel like somebody who doesn't love me or has \"checked out\" of our relationship wouldn't be so jealous about completely petty shit. She gets batshit crazy. Am I grasping to a straw here? LOL\n\nOkay so right now we currently stand in a state of \"we are going to work things out (again)\", but guess what? They are still Snapchat friends. She tells me \"I will block him, I just need some more time!\". Like, are you fucking kidding? At this point I'm no longer mad at her, I'm mad at myself for continuously ALLOWING myself to be played and manipulated. But you know what? I feel like I can handle it as long as I somehow know that she truly loves me and is truly going to change. Previous to this instance, she never had loyalty issues. But I do understand the saying that \"once a cheater, always a cheater\". Also, I will never see her as my pure girlfriend anymore because I genuinely believed she has fucked this guy. Which sucks, but hey, that's life. I can look past that.\n\nI guess I just need some opinions, based on everything you have read, do you believe scenario A), which is that she truly loves me and wants to make things work, but is for whatever reason obsessed with this guy and can't seem to quit him? I do honestly suspect that he probably manipulates her, but there's nothing I myself can do about that, that's all on her. She always makes comments about how he's crazy, and he messes with her head, but she's never really specific.\n\nOr, do you believe scenario B), that she doesn't actually love me and is just keeping me around for her own comfort and convenience. That she's just waiting for the right opportunity to leave me. I do have a good job and I do my own home. Without sounding like a dick, I do believe that, at least financially, if we were to split up I would be in a better position than she would. So maybe this is something she thinks about and is why she continues to play with me? I really have no idea.\n\nOr is there a third scenario I should be looking at?\n\nThanks for hearing me out, friends! I feel like I should already know the answers to these question, but the truth is that I do love this woman and she is the mother of my kids, so a big part of me wants to stick through this until the bitter end. I don't think anyway wants to be the person to tell their kids \"ultimately I gave up\".\n\nBut I really need advice as to whether this relationship is worth fighting for, or if it's a lost cause. I wish I had friends I can talk to about this, but I don't want people to know our business because it could demonize her, which would suck if we did end up staying together. But maybe that doesn't matter at this point and she should accept any and all ramifications of her actions.\n\nAnyway, thanks a ton!", "answer": "children are best off with, in this order:\n1-happy parents that live together\n2-happy parents that don't live together\n3-unhappy parents", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pecl9", "comment_id": "dkovxeu"}, {"question": "Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Syndrome?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6'5\"\nWeight: 180lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of Complaint: Months to Years\nGeographic Location: Pacific Northwest\nExisting Medical Issues: Anxiety (gee I wonder why)\nCurrent medications: Escitalopram 5mg\n\nProblems:\nPremature Atrial and/or Ventrical contractions (hundreds per day). Exercise makes them worse.\nTwitching all over body, especially in eyelid, flanks, and calves. Rarely does a minute go by without noticable twitching.\nLack of energy even when getting plenty of sleep.\nDull lower abdominal pain and bloating. Usually mild, occasionally severe. Typically worst in lower right quadrant.\nAcid reflux correlated with bloating.\nFrequent but small, irregular and often difficult bowel movements.\nUrination has become more frequent, and often cloudy.\nSharp pains lasting for a <1min and radiating from right flank to groin (\"colic\"?)\nHeadaches almost continuously.\nPulsatile tinnitus.\nRemarkably shaky hands (similar to what I see in 90-year-olds)\nHard plaque builds up extremely quickly on my teeth even when I brush well 3x per day.\nEpisodes of shortness of breath.\nPain/discomfort in legs with no clear cause (mostly knees, calves, and ankles).\nGenerally \"absent minded\" and forgetful.\nThree of what appear to be fibrous papules on my nose.\nLots of atypical moles.\nBack in 2016 a blood test showed somewhat high calcium (10.1 mg/dL) and low Vitamin D (21.8ng/mL).\nMost of these symptoms were present in 2016, and have only become more severe as time goes on.\n\nThe two different doctors I saw about most of these problems basically said that anxiety was the cause (not an effect), and that it would go away if I stopped thinking about it. Well, with the help of Escitalopram I managed to do that. I was convinced for about 6 months that it was just anxiety and quit worrying about all these problems. However, the physical symptoms just kept getting worse up to the point where I can no longer just keep ignoring them.\n\nI have noticed that this is basically a one-to-one list of the symptoms of Hyperparathyroidism, along with additional symptoms consistent with MENS1, which I did not know existed until recently. My brother has many of the same symptoms as well as a crooked and painful joint in one finger that has developed over the last couple of years.\n\nAs far as I can tell from skimming medical journals and disease databases, there is no other cause for all these problems in siblings that isn't far more unlikely (two unconnected cases of HPT is much less likely in 22-year-olds (about 1/1000^2) than one double case of MENS1 (1/10000), non-MENS familial HPT is so rare that nobody even knows the incidence, and non-tumor HPT is rare and typically doesn't cause symptoms). That sucks, because MENS1 is basically a guarantee of dying young from some really nasty cancers.\n\nAny opinions on this?", "answer": "To echo what was said: you have a bunch of nonspecific symptoms, many of which are consistent with anxiety. You have a high normal calcium\u2014and note the *normal* there\u2014and low vitamin D. And most importantly, look at the name: multiple endocrine neoplasia. The sine qua non of the syndrome is *multiple neoplasias* (tumors/cancers), which neither you nor anyone in your family seems to have had.\n\nRather than running the numbers on hyperparathyroidism (which there is little to suggest that you have) and MEN1 (which, again, there is little to suggest that you have), it's worth considering whether your symptoms suggest either disease. They would be consistent, but they are not suggestive; they're nonspecific enough to be consistent with anything, including no disease. (Depending on severity, of course, but it sounds like you've seen doctors and none of them have, for instance, assessed your tremor as needing neurological workup.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0fyyi", "comment_id": "eahiti5"}, {"question": "How do I tell whether she wants a serious relationship or just casual sex", "description": "How do I tell whether a girl at a bar that's flirting with me wants a serious relationship or just casual sex?", "answer": "ask her", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l90le", "comment_id": "djs4muj"}, {"question": "I [20/f] feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend [24/m], even though he gives me no reason to think so.", "description": "My boyfriend is delightful and respectful and caring. He has been helping me manage PTSD and family stress and health problems and he's never once complained or said anything that makes me feel bad. When I am with him I feel loved and happy, but when I'm alone I can't help thinking about everything he has to handle and how little I seem to be able to do to help him with his own problems. \n\nI honestly can't tell what he sees in me that he couldn't get from someone else, and sometimes I feel like leaving so that I can stop comparing myself to him. Also, maybe I'm too broken to be in a relationship at the moment? He'd probably be horrified if he knew I feel like that, but he already handles so many of my other problems I don't want to put another one on him by telling him. \n\nBefore him I always chose relationships with people who were less intelligent than me. I think I did so that I could feel secure. I'm scared that I'll leave him and go find someone I feel 'better' than, which I know isn't healthy.  ", "answer": "i would find ways to improve your self esteem. Therapy could help too.  There is no 'better'. People either love us or they don't, even if we're Einstein or weigh 900 pounds.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68fuja", "comment_id": "dgy4v3g"}, {"question": "Has Anyone Struggled with No Libido After Getting Sober, and If So, How Have You Delt With It?", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Get your testosterone and B-12 levels checked. There are shots for both.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "dtltxt", "comment_id": "f6xk40y"}, {"question": "I [29/m] came on way too strong to my love interest [28/f]", "description": "So the title basically says it all. We met, were great friends for a couple months. Hooked up, we confessed feelings. \n\nShe wasn't over her ex, things cooled off but I kept pursuing. Said she wasn't ready for a relationship. \n\nKept it cool, a month goes by, we hook up again. Things cool off again. I was confused and getting mixed signals. So I tell her I really like her but understand that the doesn't want something right now. She then said she doesn't feel the same way, doesn't feel like I'm a life partner... But wants to remain friends. We texted every day, now it's cooling off. I'm not texting her or contacting her until she shows interest again. \n\nI'm sad about it, and can't help but think I fucked up by coming on too strongly. She admitted she felt strong feelings for me but now she doesn't and is actually now pursuing a crush while then admitting that her heart is whimsical and changes. \n\nI'm not pursuing her right now. However I want your opinion if y'all think I have  a chance to get her back in the future. \n\nTL:DR didn't pay attention to signs that I was coming on too strongly, now I scared her. Friend zoned as of now, can I get her back in the future? ", "answer": "give her some space and re-approach slowly.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5of82x", "comment_id": "dcivqzx"}, {"question": "I kissed his best friend", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is going to sound kind of fucked up... But it might be an indication that your relationship wasn't meeting your needs. I am fully a proponent of owning your own shit and not being an asshole when it comes to having bpd. I hate to say it but we usually cause a lot of our own problems. But if you felt lonely in your relationship it might indicate you weren't getting enough attention?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "dpmgzp", "comment_id": "f5wngp2"}, {"question": "Having ADHD so severe that even other people with ADHD think you're just making excuses", "description": "Tagged as a vent I guess.... I have severe ADHD that affects literally every aspect of my life to the point where despite being medicated, I can barely maintain focus on a conversation and easily forget or don't absorb information and have to clarify over and over until whoever I'm talking to, usually other people who ALSO have ADHD, get pissed and think I'm just not interested or not listening. \n\nOr when I say i am going to do something and then even though I take my meds, it takes me HOURS just to get myself to start the task, which makes me look lazy or unreliable even though during all those hours, I'm literally on the verge of an internal meltdown because I'm like begging and pleading to myself to please just be useful like PLEASE just let me do this Very Basic Thing. \n\nAnd then when I get angrily confronted and I honestly say that it's because of my ADHD, bc it legitimately is, I get in one form or another the response \"well I have ADHD too, etc etc\" as a way of dismissing me as though I'm exaggerating, or not being able to access basic basic basic thoughts and words mid sentence and just freezing because I stop functioning out of nowhere, thus pissing people off by seeming like I'm just trying to annoy them, it's like.......... am I really just gonna be like this forever? Is my entire life literally just doomed to consist of people constantly getting pissed at me and then me not having any real way of defending myself?? (I'm beating a dead horse at the choir at this point, but dang this is so distressing I can't stand it) \n\nTLDR; I'm sad, folks", "answer": "I feel like this is more than ADHD. I would follow up with a psychiatrist or psychologist and ask for a full evaluation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "f43cbh", "comment_id": "fhp5h0k"}, {"question": "19- kids will be kids", "description": "My two kids are 3 and 4yrs old. One girl. One boy. They currently want to just play fight constantly, the boy actually ended up with a blood nose today as the sister just ain't taking any of his crap (lol, a body slam with a t rex costume on is vicious no matter what age)\n\nSaying \"noooo stop that\" 500 times a day usually would make me just go nope... Screw it... I'm getting drunk as soon as you both go to sleep. But I spent the evening reading the news and generally not screwing my life up any further.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "I hear ya. I have three boys aged 2 , 5 and 6. Between fighting, breaking everything and eating constantly they have me worn out....however as you say its not a good reason to drink ( what is !).  Imagine these situations with a hangover !! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "95l48r", "comment_id": "e3tknuv"}, {"question": "(27 F) My SO (34 M) keeps saying I don't know about children, how do I get a straight answer?", "description": "Background: Together 6 1/2 years (lived together for 4). Plans for marriage when I finish my degree in 1 1/2 years (no engagement yet). \n\nI want to start off by saying although I can't see myself as a mother nor am I the mothering type I would be okay with having one child or no children. However, I refuse to try for kids after 30, too many risk factors. \n\nMy SO, on the other hand, goes back and forth. Last year his friend encouraged him to have kids and said he'd be a great father which I agree he would be. He came home we had good conversation and talked about the fact that his work has an adoption aid program. \n\nThen after every family event, he says f*** having kids. His cousins have 5 really bad kids. His sister's kids are really well behaved, so whenever we leave his sisters he never says that. \n\nFast forward to this past weekend. We went on a beach trip with his family. Unfortunately, his cousin showed up with his kids. Since we were sharing a suit with his sister the kids we constantly over. All the adults without kids and some with basically drank to tolerate the demons. Well, Saturday some of us adults escape to go have dinner. While waiting for our food his uncle asks him when he's having kids. He shrugs, and I say not after being stuck in a room with 8 screaming children. Everyone at the table starts trying to convince me not all kids are like that. I know this. I tell them so and say that I could live without children. His uncle looked at him and goes well is that what he wants. \n\nWhen we got home on Sunday I asked him \"Do you want to have kids, please give me a straight answer so we can be on the same page.\" He said I don't know. \n\nHis family is putting pressure on me to have children. I don't have a family, but my friends are also putting pressure on me. I feel trapped and like he doesn't have my back. I won't leave him either way. I just want a straight answer. I want to have a plan (control freak in me). \n\nHow do I get a straight answer out of him? Any guys that did this to their SO's? Any ladies that have been through this?\n\ntl;dr My SO keeps saying he doesn't know when asked about having children. I don't care either way, but everyone is hounding me and I'd like his support. ", "answer": "\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d is a straight answer. \n\nAlso straight: \u201cI won\u2019t have kids after 30, so we have 2 years before the window closes.\u201d\n\nSo is \u201cgive me a yes or no in the next x months or I\u2019m breaking up with you.\u201d\n\nYou guys are totally wrong about why parenthood is hard and 30 as a cut-off is artificial bullshit that is freaking you out. \n\nCouples counseling or individual therapy for you!\n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7txwth", "comment_id": "dtg3264"}, {"question": "I need to get clean, or I will lose my marriage.", "description": "I have been hiding my drinking problem for a few years from my wife.  She has found random empty liquor bottles I have had stashed in the past and I always made an excuse and lied about it.  I know it's a terrible thing to do to my wife, and I regret every thing about it.  I came clean to her yesterday after she found numerous bottles that I had blacked out and forgot about.  \n\nI have been starring at this screen for almost an hour, scared of what to do.  Alcohol might have destroyed my marriage and I can't let it destroy me any more in the future.  I have looked up AA meeting in my home town, but new situations make me anxious to even think about them.  \n\nHere's too day one of the rest of my life.  I really hope I can make a change and this subreddit will guild me to a new life.  ", "answer": "Are you going to late anxiety take away your marriage? Go to the meeting.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1kvv7s", "comment_id": "cbt8h7t"}, {"question": "Simple, easy technique explained by Dr. Harry Barry to reduce the severity of panic attacks", "description": "See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze9mfIBn62E\n\nThe title is \"Zeminar Presents Harry Barry | **Banish Panic Attacks for Life**\"\n\nIt is counter-inituitive and might sound offensive at first, but he's a well-known expert.\n\nThis is his other video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Un_Ykh9y9Q", "answer": "He's always half completely right and half completely wrong. His ideas are sound at first but his application isn't what evidence or personal experience show to be accurate. \n\nYes you can't run from anxiety and expect it to decrease the next time. No, believing you aren't that important isn't going to decrease social anxiety. It will increase it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ezmuef", "comment_id": "fgpjk2r"}, {"question": "Problems with therapy", "description": "Dear reddit,\n\nI just create an account to get some help here. I have the diagnosis of depression for over 10 years now. And I failed 2 therapies. I want desperately want to start a new one, but I am really afraid I will fail again.\n\nThe problem is, I know where the problem is. I know, I cannot get out of this alone - but I don't know, what I should talk to someone about. I am feeling depressed, this interferes with my work, with my private life, with my family, with my SO. \n\nHas anyone experiences something similar and can you give me any advice how to get out of this? Please??\n\nTomorrow I will call a therapist and see if I can get a free slot soon, I need it. But I don't know, what to talk... ah, I guess I'm repeating myself...\n\nPlease, dear unlimited community. Help me with advice. I desperately need it :( Thanks\n\nEDIT: Also, I am just deeply frustrated with myself. I WANT to be different. I NEED to be different. I HAVE to be different. I just don't want to be me anymore. I also don't want to die, since I fear about death in general.", "answer": "If you know what the problem is- then that is a good place to start the talking. Just go in there and say whatever it is, just as you would say it to yourself.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1f5bnd", "comment_id": "ca72tro"}, {"question": "I'm humiliated...I'm gaining a fear of needles and I'm med student. How to overcome efficiently?", "description": "Suffice to say I'm a med student and suddenly I've been having bad reactions to needles(watching medical documentaries etc. that interest me and don't faze me unless we're verging on exploitation) recently. My wrists go weak and my pulse races, my ankles feel weak as well. I won't say I did well with needles as a child or enjoyed watching them puncture and be punctured but the reaction was less severe. I _think_ it's occasionally seeing nurses, doctors etc. shift the needle in the skin that does it the worst, to pull it out or doing repeated punctures being unable to find the vein.\n\nIt appears to be living creatures only, since seeing the dead get punctured or working with needles as I do often does not alter me. My assumption is exposure and practice is the only way forward, but I'd like to ask those around me. I'm...quite shy and may not reply to this, I'm just seeking others experiences.\n\n[Age, sex, location etc. not relevant and omitted. Apologizes if this is unconventional and not allowed]", "answer": "Consider donating blood regularly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "go6arh", "comment_id": "frf9pe6"}, {"question": "I just willingly asked my kids if they wanted to play a board game?", "description": "My methods of income tax procrastination never cease to amaze me.", "answer": "Husband still hasn't done his taxes from June last year and he doesn't even have ADHD!! What luck do we have???? Haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bbsp81", "comment_id": "ekltcj8"}, {"question": "Am I wrong for not wanting to talk to my grandma?", "description": "I love my grabdma so much but the thing is is I just moved. I lived with my grandma and step grandfather and at their house I had no privacy. They\u2019d just walk in and she was always talking to me and my she needs help a lot so when I was their I was helping nonstop because she\u2019s married to an asshole. I understand that she needed help but I moved now and again I love my grabdma but I honestly want space.. I wanna not talk to her for just a few days because she\u2019s so annoying I could never get a break all the 3 and a half years I was living there and now I want that break. Am I wrong for wanting space? I mean cause she gets so but hurt if I don\u2019t call her a second after she calls and she called me legitimately every few hours until I stopped picking up. I called her yesterday and the day before only once but tbh those calls were hell. I just want to be left alone for like 5 days. I put this in here cause when I think about it it sounds messed up to not wanna talk to your grandma but I can\u2019t help it", "answer": "I can understand how this feels. You\u2019re town between wanting not wanting to hurt your grandma and needing time for yourself. It\u2019s totally ok to need time for yourself and get a much needed break (especially after living with them and not having much space). Boundaries are absolutely ok to set, but you need to let people know there\u2019s a boundary.  You don\u2019t have to be harsh about it (that doesn\u2019t sound like what you want to do because you don\u2019t want to hurt her feelings). Maybe you can say that you\u2019ve got a lot going on and will be really busy for a few days and dealing with some things and need some time for yourself so won\u2019t be able to talk. You can reassure her that you love her and that you\u2019ll be back in touch when things calm down and you\u2019ve had time to recoup from your busy (work, school, project whatever you come up with...make it semi legitimate like don\u2019t say you\u2019re feeding the homeless in Puerto Rico for 5 days lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "erl1pj", "comment_id": "ff4ohe9"}, {"question": "What do I say?", "description": "I'm 16, and I just got a girlfriend. We've hung out a few times, and I want to do something cheap. I want to ask her to come over to my house. I'm assuming her parents won't allow it, so if they won't, how do I ask to come over to her place without it sounding creepy/weird?", "answer": "\"Do you want to hang out at my house?  No?  You can't? Could we hang out at your house?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eyhev", "comment_id": "die1r3e"}, {"question": "Sudden blurry/unfocused vision possibly caused by antidepressants?", "description": "Age: 23\nSex: Female\nHeight: 5'9\nWeight: 140\nRace: Mixed race (Caucasian & Black) \nDuration of complaint: 4 days\nCurrent medications : Sertraline(Zoloft) 200mg \n                                   Quetiapine(Seroquel) 50mg \n\n\nHello! So, 6 days ago I had my Sertraline dosage increased from 150mg to 200mg and my Quetiapine dosage increased from 25mg to 50mg. Ever since, my vision has been blurry and unfocused. I have never had any issues with my eyes or vision and was seeing perfectly fine before the medication increase. Is this a possible side effect of the increase? Should I be worried? Will it go away on it own once this my body is more used to the dosage? I have been on Sertraline for almost 2 years now and have never had these symptoms, same with Quetiapine.\n\nThank you for reading! ", "answer": "Possibly - but it should settle. As a general rule, if it persists longer than you think it should or its too severe, speak to your doc.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rg161", "comment_id": "dl5bm2g"}, {"question": "Anxiety help.", "description": "I drank to mask horrible anxiety. I got to the point where I literally couldn\u2019t go to work sober without major anxiety/withdrawals. I ended up in the ER twice because my blood pressure was going haywire. I eventually quit my job and have taken the time to get sober. \n\nIt\u2019s been great, my anxiety is almost completely gone after almost 2 months sober. I\u2019ve gotten my blood pressure under control. That being said, I haven\u2019t been doing a damn thing. Anxiety is at a 1 out of 10 for being unemployed at my parents\u2019. I have finally started getting some interviews, I\u2019ve gone to a couple with very little anxiety but on other days I just can\u2019t. My anxiety mounts and it\u2019s the only time I feel close to a relapse. I just cancel or no-show. \n\nI have taken baby steps and I\u2019m in a way better place sober. I used to only leave the house if I absolutely had to (drunk). I couldn\u2019t even sit still at my desk or focus. A lot of that was due to anxiety within withdrawals. Now I can run errands etc sober and almost even enjoy it. But certain days that fight or flight just hits and I know I\u2019m either not going anywhere or I \u201cneed\u201d to get drunk to cope. I had this tendency in the past, getting nauseatingly nervous to do something as simple as go to work or the post office. I learned to mostly squash it in order to be functional.  I tried a shrink on a whim which lead to SSRIs which lead to my worst drinking then my new sobriety and here I am. \n\nThis isn\u2019t conducive to being productive in the work force. I\u2019m wondering if anyone has had similar experiences or has any advice. \n\nTL; DR\n\nAnxiety is manageable sober around the house but I get panic attacks when I have obligations. ", "answer": "Hi. Have a look at \"Panic Stations\" resource at Centre for Clinical intervenrions website, or others on same site such as \"What me worry\". They are good Cbt based, self-help manuals for anxiety. Iwndwyt.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94cson", "comment_id": "e3k9brz"}, {"question": "i still love my ex :(", "description": "my boyfriend of 1year+ broke up w me last week bc he wants to be alone and doesn't want to vent his anger into this relationship, he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and we should be \"just friends\" so no one will be hurt .. few days after our breakup, he texted me to ask how i was doing and we started chatting a little. same went for the next few days he would he text me to ask what i was doing. the weird thing is that in sch (we're in the same class too), we'll have some awk eye contacts and sometimes he would stare at me sadly, but the rest of the time he just seems unaffected at all, he would laugh a lot w his friends and play basketball w them .. i felt that if we continue texting like this he will nv miss me so yesterday night i texted him saying that we shouldn't text like this bc it's hard for me to text w him as \"just friends\", i told him that i would try my best to get over him. he replied \"if i didn't have any feelings for u, i wouldn't text u in the first place.\" he also said \"i like the way we are now.. \" \nthe thing is i still love him v much and i still want to be his gf .. i want to text him to get closer to him, hoping he would realize how much he loves me but how do i do that after what i've said? what do i dooooooo :( how do i get him back after all these? today morning i texted him to ask abt the name of a restaurant we went to when we were still tgt (just an excuse to text him and remind him of our good times tgt haha :x) he just replied the restaurant's name, i said thanks and he just put this emoji \"\ud83d\udc4c\ud83c\udffb\" next week is his bday, shld i use this chance to talk to him again? idk ... it seems like he's determined abt the breakup BUT WE STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHERRRRRRR :'( someone pls help me :((((", "answer": "wanting to break up with someone you have strong feelings for is not a contradiction.   in other words, he has feelings for you  AND he feels he needs to be alone to work out some things. maybe he'll see a therapist, resolve some things, and come back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2dzc", "comment_id": "dcg4tfs"}, {"question": "Do you develop a tolerance to a specific drug or a class?", "description": "An example would be that I've been taking 3mg of klonopin for 3 years (weaning off) and it has no noticeable effect on me anymore. Have I developed a tolerance to all benzodiazepines or just klonopin (I'm switching to gabapentin so I'm not looking to bounce from benzo to benzo)? I've been taking norco for almost a year now. Have I developed a tolerance to all opioids or just the norco? Do tolerances go away with time? Example being if I had to undergo an uncomfortable medical procedure two years from my last klonopin, will the benzodiazepine they give me have a reduced effect? \n\nLast question: do you develop tolerances to all medications? It's never been a concern with my antipsychotics or mood stabilizer.\n\nThis information is not important to the post, but I have to include it or this will be removed again.\n\nAge: 29, height: 6'2\", weight: 197lbs, have not smoked in 4 months, but did on and off for 13 years.", "answer": "Tolerance is a big area of study. The quick version is that tolerance isn't one thing but multiple mechanisms. Not all drugs produce tolerance, or at least not to a clinically meaningful extent. For those that do, there can be the phenomenon of cross-tolerance, where tolerance to one drug produces tolerance to another. As you note, that's more likely to occur within a drug class, but it's not necessarily completely equal, and it can affect drugs outside the class.\n\nBenzodiazepines do produce cross-tolerance, so if you're tolerant to Klonopin you're likely to be significantly, but possibly not equally, tolerant to e.g. diazepam (Valium). Opioids similarly. Yes, tolerance decreases with time, and that's actually something that often causes problems with opioid addiction, because what was a safe dose to a heavy user can become a lethal dose after even a fairly short time without using.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bldfxu", "comment_id": "emnm2mf"}, {"question": "Should i take pain medicine on a long term basis.", "description": "Dear Readers,\n\nI am 34 M . I have had back pain, back spasm for about 11 years . I lean on one side when I walk . I find it difficult to use stairs at my apartment and at other places . I like to think that I am like an elderly man . I even hunch sometimes when I walk. Bending is extremely difficult . Even standing for more than 5 mins is hard . I have become rather lazy because of the back problems . \n\nI have taken pain medicines like tramadol and it has worked wonders for me . But I stopped taking because my cousin ( an anesthesiologist ) told me not to because of long term consequences. This cousin is not my primary doctor by the way . My cousin says that pain medicines can damage liver and kidneys.\n\nI want to take tramadol or other related pain killers for the long term . I am perfectly healthy individual . \n\nWhat do you guys think ? Should I start a treatment plan right away after consulting doctor ? And if these medicines do damage liver and kidneys , then how many years do they take to damage them ? \n\n\n I think I can get so much more done with pain medicine . I would be able to do so many household chores. ", "answer": "It woild be better to be on non-opiate medications for long term use. Ever tried combination paracetamol/acetaminophen + a non-steroidal?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6jtvud", "comment_id": "djh0c7w"}, {"question": "They say those who are repressed in high school rebel in college. What happens to those who are repressed in college?", "description": "Do those who are repressed in college ever rebel?", "answer": "Sometimes.  It gets a lot harder afterwards.  While High School is probably the hardest, college is probably the safest time to reinvent yourself and be the person you really want to be.  Folks are generally much more mature and open minded... so I'd say to push yourself.  \n\nAfter college it can still be done, it's just much more difficult, especially if you haven't developed at least a few close friendships while in college.  Being 21 and moving somewhere new on your own, being able to go out to bars, not necessarily having a ton of roommates but ideally a few (if you can afford it) can really foster a \"rebellious\" phase if what you mean is figuring out who you are, what you want, being that person without letting shame or anxiety hold you back.  \n\nLike I said, it's possible, but there's never a safer or easier time to do it than when you're in college, primarily if you're living away from home.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9om21v", "comment_id": "e7w4vj0"}, {"question": "can i be a therapist with obvious self harm scars", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": ">will having scars affect my work?\n\nI'm willing to bet it will help your work greatly. Unfortunately, it may make it difficult to get into graduate school. But honestly, I'd recommend staying away from a training program that is scared by people with lived experiences of struggles.\n\n>would it be inappropriate to show them/should i hide them on the job?\n\nDepends on the job; in the work I do (with suicidal and depressed teens) I think it would help a great deal to not hide them (not flaunt them but not be ashamed of them).\n\n>what should i say if a client asks me about them?\n\nIMO, the truth.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dzhh2x", "comment_id": "f88hz8p"}, {"question": "Whats the psychology/neuroscience behind edmr?", "description": "I believe edmr stands for Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing\n\nI know edmr is a treatment for trauma that has the therapist do techniques like have the client visually trace the therapist's fingers, etc \n\nCan someone give an explanation for how edmr treats trauma and the psychology/neuroscience behind the treatment?\n\nIt would be interesting to read about a link between eye movement and memories/memory processing.", "answer": "Just a note that this is VERY controversial in the field currently. \n\nFrom APA Division 12 (Clinical Psych): \n\n\"The theoretical basis for EMDR is that PTSD symptoms result from insufficient processing/integration of sensory, cognitive, and affective elements of the traumatic memory. The bilateral eye movements are proposed to facilitate information processing and integration, allowing clients to fully process traumatic memories. The efficacy of EMDR for PTSD is an extremely controversial subject among researchers, as the available evidence can be interpreted in several ways. On one hand, studies have shown that EMDR produces greater reduction in PTSD symptoms compared to control groups receiving no treatment. On the other hand, the existing methodologically sound research comparing EMDR to exposure therapy without eye movements has found no difference in outcomes. Thus, it appears that while EMDR is effective, the mechanism of change may be exposure \u2013 and the eye movements may be an unnecessary addition. If EMDR is indeed simply exposure therapy with a superfluous addition, it brings to question whether the dissemination of EMDR is beneficial for patients and the field. However, proponents of EMDR insist that it is empirically supported and more efficient than traditional treatments for PTSD. In any case, more concrete, scientific evidence supporting the proposed mechanisms is necessary before the controversy surrounding EMDR will lift.\" https://www.div12.org/treatment/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing-for-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/\n\nFolks who support EMDR as a MECHANISM (versus as simple exposure therapy that's been re-branded to seem extra fancy) typically either propose that the bilateral movements tax working memory and thus lead to an extra \"distancing\" from the event, that it somehow affects sleep and lets you process while you sleep, or that it grounds folks and helps with mindfulness.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp81zw", "comment_id": "flk9cyf"}, {"question": "Family doesn't want me to build another gaming PC out of fear I'll become a drunk caveman...", "description": "A few years ago I built a high end gaming computer. I did become a caveman and towards the end I was more of a drunken slob with a shit paying job... \n\nI sold my PC and put on my big boy pants, got a real job that takes up a lot of my day however I'm now your average American...\n\nMy day consists of up at 6am, at work by 8am, lunch is at 1pm at which time I chose to work out, 2pm I'm back in my office and I'm there until 5pm. My day is pretty damn stressful. So stressful I'm 24 and have high blood pressure. Because of the high blood pressure I take a medication that mixes horribly with alcohol. My heart flip flops every minute and I run tachycardic... So I can't drink. \n\nWhat do I do when I get home at 6PM? I'm a couch potato. I have nothing to do. I can't afford a relationship so I avoid dating. I also avoid friends because again... that costs money I don't have... \n\nThe gaming PC I want to build will take time to save for. I'm not sure what else to do because I've pretty much hit the spike in my life. When I was gaming it was the greatest stress reliever I'd ever had. 10 fold what sex ever relieved. Gaming was that 4 hours of constant gratification. I was having fun... I didn't have to worry about the bills. I was in my own world... \n\n\nBut my family thinks I'll revert to that fat drunk slob phase again... \n\n\n\nI'm stuck and it's tearing my brain apart. I'm tired of my boring couch potato life. I love gaming. I workout and I'm losing weight but that doesn't rid me entirely of stress. It's not that decompression I need to sleep. \n\n\nCan y'all help me decide?", "answer": "Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with spending YOUR money and YOUR free time on a hobby you enjoy. In fact it's healthy in moderation.\n\nHOWEVER, gaming alone will not relieve your stress. What is the root cause of the stress? That's the goal you need to tackle. Maybe you need a better job? Maybe you need a better living situation? Maybe you need a way to connect to others socially? And finances aren't an excuse here, if you have time - there's a lot of activities you can do for free in your community. Check out your local library, or tabletop game store, or take up volunteering.\n\nThere's nothing wrong with having couch potato time, in fact everyone needs some, but honestly, gaming is just a different type of couch potato activity. I say this as someone who has a gaming PC and plays like 2-5 hours almost every day. But it's important to have other goals in life that will move you forward in some way.\n\nYou've kicked the drinking and gaming habit in the past and made some progress in life in the past, and that's great! Worthy of celebrating! Keep going - how else can your life improve?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9hvrd", "comment_id": "firovq0"}, {"question": "Should I just cut this girl off?", "description": "I met a girl on Reddit about 2 months ago and we had an instant chemistry. We went on to be really close for that time, messaging constantly throughout the day, videocalling for hours in the evening, sharing everything about our lives and being emotionally supportive to one another, sending gifts and we ended up falling for each other pretty hard and promised that we were going to work out a plan to meet in person. \n\nThen last week she went on an internet detox if you will, and then said that despite being romantically interested in me, there were too many factors in the way of taking it further, and that she was reconciling with her ex partner, but that she thinks I'm an amazing person and would love to be my friend. I was pretty crushed for a few days, but understand her reasoning. I questioned her request to be friends, but she said that genuinely, she really cares about me and would love to still have me in her life.\n\nNow it's like the absolute polar opposite of how we used to be. Anytime we chat she always finds a reason to go after 5 minutes and if I message her first then she doesn't respond for hours, sometimes until the next day despite being active. For example, tonight she messaged me and asked me how my day was. I responded to her and it took her 10 minutes to reply. I reply straight away and again it takes her another 10 minutes to respond. I again respond right away and then she has gone off fb without responding or even saying goodbye. I'm 6 hours ahead of her and I get the feeling she messaged me initially expecting me to be asleep,  but when I reply she's waiting me out hoping that I get tired and fall asleep. She's explained it by saying that she has disabled notifications on her phone because they are irritating. \n\nI'm just confused. I'd gladly be her friend, I care about her and I think she's a great person and we really get on. But I'm not up for bs mind games, fuck that. If she would just tell me that she's not interested in talking to me then so be it, I'm not going to cry about it, I'll just delete, block and move on, because as much as I like her I'm not going to waste my time and mental energy on somebody who doesn't give a shit. The only thing I'm holding onto is the person I knew for those 2 months, she was literally my best friend for that time and I miss that. She's given hints that she genuinely wants to talk, like telling me to watch a certain show so that we can talk about it, but Idk if it's part of some mind game she's playing, trying to make me go crazy for her or something so that she gets an ego boost. It's doing the opposite, I'm losing respect and attraction for her every time she does this.\n\nIs she just playing games?", "answer": "She may be completely honest about wanting to be friends. She may also be worried about leading you on and trying to distance herself so that you lose feelings for her. Before she was talking to you and you both were into trying to make it more. She\u2019s now gotten back with her ex so may be scared he will get mad if she\u2019s talking to someone who\u2019s got feelings for her. As friends she\u2019s not going to be able to talk as much as you did because things have changed. She may have genuinely had feelings for you as well, but she\u2019s having to put them away for whatever her reasons are (distance and thinking realistically about how you would continue any kind of relationship). \n\n\nOr yes she liked the attention and you made her feel good (sounds like she was fresh out of a relationship and was feeling insecure and down on herself). Doesn\u2019t mean she didn\u2019t mean things she said, but she made the choice (right or not) to go back to her ex. She might be too scared to just end things totally with you. So it\u2019s up to you to decide if you want a limited friendship (which may not meet your needs as a friend). Or you say sorry this isn\u2019t going to work for me because I feel like we are less than friends now. It sucks and I\u2019m sorry that her behaviour is hurtful. It sucks when we have chemistry with someone that seems great and they don\u2019t work out for whatever reason.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fss8pj", "comment_id": "fm37dp5"}, {"question": "19 male uk. For the past 3 days I've been having what I can only describe as calm, irritating, panic attacks.", "description": "The basic symptoms of my problem are these: when I don't move my limbs very much they start to feel out of my control... as if they're falling off my body. They start to feel much more inflated than they actually are so that if I'm holding an object in my hands at the time it feels much smaller than it actually is. Mentally I feel as if I'm leaving my body entirely. These symptoms generally get worse when I look at a computer screen, phone screen, or the lights are on. If I move my body then the symptoms tend to go. Everyone I've told about them so far has suggested that these are panic attacks.\n\nExcept that I'm typing right now while I'm allegedly having a panic attack. I don't feel panicked at all. I feel quite calm. If I had to assign myself a negative emotion then I'd say that I'm irritated. Just slightly annoyed. Confused about why it is that this is occurring. I've checked my pulse and it's normal. My breathing is normal. I'm not sweating profusely. I could say that I do have a bit of a hot tingly sensation through out my body.\n\nAbout three months ago I had heart palpitations induced by marijuana consumption. I've had on and off palpitations since then. I have what the doctors have called benign arrhythmia, but the doctors are seeing me about that because it causes dizziness and blurred vision. Neither of which appear to be relevant to these other symptoms.\n\n6 foot, 75 kg, white, ", "answer": "Well, it's not a panic attack if you're not panicked.  Could be medical.  From a psychological standpoint, it sounds more like some of the symptoms of depersonalization/derealization.  Not saying you have this disorder, but the feelings you describe are more in line with these than with panic attacks.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "3i7swz", "comment_id": "cue2qic"}, {"question": "[M/26] and can't figure out if [F/29] is really \"The One\" or if I am delusional, first world problems, or justified in what I am feeling.", "description": "TL;DR I have mental illness, can't accept anything good in my life, am questioning everything about my relationship that's perfectly healthy, all because my brain won't let me sleep at night. Do I stay with somebody who I make happy but doesn't do the same for me? Or do the selfish thing even though I know it would kill her? Throw nearly seven and a half years of work out because I have OCD?\n\nHey Reddit,\n\nRecently I have been feeling like there is an internal war about my relationship, and I can't figure it out. I am happy, things are good, we've been together for seven years, all seems well. We've been through college and university together, we both have masters degrees, life appears good. She's my best friend, we laugh constantly, we have a great time together, the sex is pretty good, and our friends all drink the same booze. Things really seem good, on the surface at least.\n\nHere is where the problem starts, she really has no idea who I am or what goes on inside my head. \n\nI was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at about 10 years old, and recently it was reclassified to Pure OCD when that became a bit more common vernacular within the clinical community. (I work in neuroscience and pharmacology and like to self diagnose, then take it to the doctors.) What Pure OCD means is that I have a really challenging time accepting things the way they are. The condition really tends to make me question everything around me on a regular basis, to a compulsive level. That means I struggle to find what might be rational and irrational when thinking about things, so I need some help. The old \"Should I say? Or should I go?\" scenario is making me beat myself up daily and I just need to get outside of my own head for a change.\n\nShe's a wonderful girl and loves me with all of her heart, that much I know for a fact. But I often question if I am the right person for her, she has several friends that she spends time with regularly and seems genuinely happy around, and who I could quite easily see her in a more successful relationship with. I worry that I'm either a burden for her, or \"sunk cost\" and she's too afraid to admit it. I struggle a huge amount to make lasting personal connections (sufficed to say orphan at a young age leaves some lasting scars) and she's really been one of the few constants in my life the last few years. I've gotten to feeling like I'm almost toxic for her to be around though. I act carefree and happy almost all the time, but when I have a rough day, or hard, time she almost takes it personally. Like it's her fault. It breaks me up inside knowing that I either have to be constantly positive, or know I'm causing her to feel shit. She should never have to feel that way because of me. More than anything, I just want to see her content, smiling, and joyful in life.\n\nWe want to have kids, and a dog, and an apartment in London. I just worry that she'll get to that point with me, and realize it's all been for naught. That she won't be able to deal with children if they turn out to be as difficult as me. That she'll realize who I am is not the person she imagines me to be. I feel like The Man Behind The Curtain most days.\n\nBack in October, I started working on a project with a whole new team from a whole new company that has a huge potential for some amazing things. On that team there's a wonderful co-worker that I get along swimmingly with and see a few times a week for meetings. We got to chatting one day after I made a joke about suffering from crippling OCD, as it turns out, so does she. We got to bonding a little bit over it and joking about how our partners must think we're nuts and it's become a fast friendship. What that lead me to realize though is that this complete stranger knows more about what's going on inside of my head than the person I've spent seven years with. It hit me like a tidal wave, to be honest. I've NEVER felt like I could be actually open about my strange ticks and the way my brain worked before.\n\nIt got me wondering if I'm kidding myself that what I'm in is a healthy relationship. Can I really be with somebody who will never understand every aspect of who I am? I've suddenly stopped feeling like I'm fulfilled by the relationship (mentally) where I once was. How do I go from being happy and carefree with it to feeling like I'm not being honest with either of us? How can something which has essentially been so right for so long have gone to rubbish? I've tried talking to the girlfriend about the mental problems I have but she really has a hard time understanding it, or maybe I'm just shit at articulating it. She gets hurt and offended and thinks something is wrong with her, despite my best efforts to assure her it has nothing to do with her. I'm lost as to what to do.\n\nThe last thing is the colleague. I want to be honest with her and tell her that she's been an eye-opening person to talk to. Truthfully, if life were a movie, I'd make some grandiose gesture and say \"Run away with me! You complete me!\" but that's not the world we live in. I could never do that to my girlfriend, I could never to that to my colleague, and I could never do that to her boyfriend. Doing anything like that would jeopardize, quite literally, everything in both of our lives. Is there a way to say something without saying it? Is there a way to acknowledge that feeling of finding a person you connect with intimately without making it unbearable? I feel like sitting in silence is my only option.\n\nSorry if this is a monster of a situation, I just have nowhere else to turn. Thank you to those who read this from the very bottom of my heart.\n\n", "answer": "do you have a therapist?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oek1j", "comment_id": "dcitavo"}, {"question": "My sister is in the hospital. She was bleeding from all orifices.", "description": "I got home from school and my mom told me that my sister was in the ER bleeding from the eyes, gums, nose, etc. Apparently she had absolutely no potassium in her body and her blood wasn't clotting. She has also been tested positive for cancerous cells. I'm really worried.", "answer": "Hugs. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2e89hp", "comment_id": "cjx4uks"}, {"question": "Quit smoking 4 days ago. Have had nausea and extremely low appetite. Worried about possible health issues and wondering if this is normal.", "description": "(Don't normally post on reddit so please forgive me if I'm unintentionally breaking etiquette or something.) \n\nSo as the title says I stopped smoking a few days ago, on the 4th of July. Before then I smoked every day for about 2 years with a few breaks once in a while. Since then I've had very low appetite and have barely been able to eat, which I expected. But I've taken breaks in the past and this time it's more extreme. Most times I've tried to eat during the past few days my mouth practically rejects the food and I involuntarily spit it back up instead of naturally swallowing it, so I have to force it down very uncomfortably. And even when I can eat I've been getting nauseous and throwing it up half the time. As a result I've had about one meal a day this week and thrown up almost every day. So far today I feel a little better and managed to eat most of a chicken sandwich without trouble but my stomach still feels kind of weird, though not nauseous yet. I'm getting worried I might possibly have an ulcer or something and I do plan on going to a doctor if this persists, but I don't know if this could just be withdrawal symptoms because I'm so used to only eating when I'm high. I'm a thinner male, 22yo, who's always had relatively low appetite and I typically smoke to help myself eat a healthy amount, so I feel it could be possible that my body just needs to get used to eating sober again. I'm obviously not coming to r/leaves for medical advice but I do want to know if anyone's ever experienced this when quitting and I figured this was the best pool of people to ask.", "answer": "Is normal, don't worry. Try smoothies until you adjust. Force yourself to eat food. Take b12", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "6m2dq1", "comment_id": "djydqc1"}, {"question": "I'm starting counseling tomorrow. I'm terrified.", "description": "I've suffered from depression for a long time, and I have an opportunity to start counseling via the Employee Assistance Program at work. My issues have affected my job performance, but my supervisors are being very supportive. They want me to succeed, and they want me to get help. I'm trying now, which I haven't done in a long, long time.\n\nI know at this point that I need help, because a few weeks ago I had thoughts that legitimately did frighten me. Not suicidal thoughts, or thoughts about how I should be dead, I'm used to those. This was a new low, a new level of self-loathing that I hadn't really encountered before.\n\nSo I made an appointment with a counselor, this isn't therapy, it's a precursor to that, but it's a start. I'm terrified. I'm so scared about going to that appointment tomorrow, but I have to do it.\n\nDoes anyone have any advice about how you START seeking help, and talking to people?", "answer": "Counselor here.\n\nGreat job taking first steps. They're the hardest.\n\nThe first session is pretty laid back. Like any relationship. You'll just chat about your life, interest, hobbies, etc. Eventually you may land on what's gotten you into therapy, but really the counselor just wants to get to know you. Your counselor's goal isn't to cure you in a single session. The goal is just to hang out for an hour and get to know each other.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "78dmat", "comment_id": "dotsra4"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask what a therapists (non)religious beliefs are before booking an appointment?", "description": "I have never been to therapy.  I know I need it.  Forgive my ignorance, I\u2019ve never been to this sub before either. \n\nI was raised and manipulated by the southern evangelical church for my entire life until I left without a word 8 months ago.  I have heard of so called \u201cChristian therapy\u201d but I know not all therapists incorporate their religious beliefs into their practice.  \n\nI guess I\u2019m technically an agnostic now but Im moving toward secular humanist / atheist. Very much still in the anti religion phase of de-conversion.\n\nMy issue is I don\u2019t even want to see a therapist if they believe in any religion. Not if they incorporate it into the practice or not, I mean I don\u2019t even want to waste our time by making an appointment with a therapist that goes to church on Sundays, has a cross hanging on their wall at home, or will give 10% of the money they make from my session to a church.    \n\nIs this an appropriate ask? How would I go about this?", "answer": "I think it\u2019s more important to make sure the therapist isn\u2019t a \u201cChristian\u201d counselor, so that you don\u2019t feel religion is being foisted in you. I personally do not answer questions about my religious beliefs because there is often no \u201cwinning\u201d in that discussion, but I can reassure a potential patient that if they don\u2019t want religion to enter into therapy, it won\u2019t. We are trained to use patients\u2019 strengths and needs in session, not to enforce our own.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ce38u2", "comment_id": "eu1kkqx"}, {"question": "My TSH level is 16.09, I am a guy, how bad is it or what is going to happen if I don't get it treated?", "description": "Age: 24\n\nGender: Male\n\nRace: Indian\n\nDiagnosed with thyroid problem at least 10 years back.\n\n I am not regular on medication because I don't feel like I'm sick, so I take medicines for 3 months and stop them for 6-9 months and then start again. I am the only guy whom I know has thyroid problem and apparently more than 90% of the health related websites I visited didn't mentioned anything about guys having  thyroid!", "answer": "A bunch of what u/rncookiemaker said is wrong.\n\nTSH is produced by the pituitary, not the thyroid, and is the signal to the thyroid to produce thyroid hormone (T3 and T4). If your thyroid doesn't work, your pituitary produces more and more TSH to try to get enough thyroid hormone and it doesn't work, hence the elevated TSH in hypothyroidism.\n\nHypothyroidism is much more common in women than men, but much more doesn't mean it's anywhere close to unheard-of in men. \n\nA high TSH is not sufficient for a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. For that you also need a doctor to check thyroid hormones directly, but it's worth doing, because one thing that other posters have gotten right is that untreated hypothyroidism feels terrible and can be very dangerous. You would need to discuss with a doctor exactly what thyroid hormone you have been taking in the past and how long ago you took it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8jl6l", "comment_id": "esnmrnb"}, {"question": "I made a big breakfast after months of not washing, barely eating, just not taking care of myself. It\u2019s been ages. I\u2019m proud. :D", "description": "I made eggs and bacon, peas, and some V8 for a drink. It\u2019s not much but I\u2019ve never made breakfast for myself and myself alone for a long time. It felt good. :D", "answer": "Good work. Move a muscle change a thought!!!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c7em09", "comment_id": "esfjd6e"}, {"question": "Vitamin D Deficiency", "description": "Hi there, I am 55 years old female (64 Kgs). A week ago, my GP advised me to have my blood work done. According to my blood report, I have a deficiency of Vitamin D. My Vitamin D level is 17 ng/mL and the optimal for a healthy person is above 30 ng/mL. The pharmacies where I live have both daily and weekly vitamin d3 supplements. Daily vitamin D3 supplements have 1000 IU, 2000 IU and 5000 IU. The weekly vitamin d3 supplement has 50,000 IU. I am very confused in choosing whether I should go for daily or weekly supplement. Which one would be more effective? Please help me out.", "answer": "I advise my patients with Vitamin D Deficiency to start with the 50,000u weekly supplement (cholecalciferol or ergocalciferol) for about 8 weeks, and then switch to daily vitamin D3 2,000u (or 1,000u if you are exposed to a lot of sunshine). Take with food that contains fat (for absorption). No side effects, and safe with medications/supplements.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "amhjo2", "comment_id": "efmimww"}, {"question": "Wife (34F) wants trial separation and I (35M) don't want to leave the house", "description": "Ok, so my wife wants a trial separation to see if she can figure things out on her own. Basically, I see divorce coming. \n\nAnyhow, we have 4 kids. We're going to start by living in different rooms of the house and just sort of keeping apart from each other, trying to actually schedule apart times. She is the one considering divorce, not me. She also wants to maybe get a separate place for this separation if the \"in house separation idea\" doesn't work.\n\nHere's the kicker: She wants to have both of us split time away from the house. So we'd get like a room somewhere and one week she'd sleep there and the other week I'd sleep there.\n\nI really really don't want to leave my house and kids. Am I crazy here? Should she be able to make me go out of the house so that she can have time with the kids and not just be a \"visiting mom\"\n\nI hear where she is coming from, but this separation is not mutual. I don't want to separate. Should I go along with this and split a place and split time away from my kids while we're still married? She said she does not want to divorce at this point.", "answer": "usually the one who wants the separation leaves, if that's what they want.\nbut....have you gotten counseling together?\nseparations only work if there's definition;   set a time limit, and commit to not dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kyrbj", "comment_id": "dbron69"}, {"question": "How do I know if yhe antidepressants are working?", "description": "20F, 50kg, 166cm. 200mgDesvenlafaxine for depression and 1 quetiapine pill to help me sleep (both taken daily)\n\nThis is pretty straightfoward. How do I know of my antidepressants are working? I still feel suicidal from time to time and I am tired all the damn time. I like sleeping and just being in my bed all day in general. I got a job and I'm in college, but all my free time is spent in bed.", "answer": "That's something to discuss with the doctor who's taking care of you. It doesn't sound like you feel good, but there's still a question of whether you feel better than you did without the medications or still entirely the same (or worse). Each of those possibilities would be handled differently.\n\nIf you still think you're depressed, you're probably depressed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fg6i8a", "comment_id": "fk432li"}, {"question": "What your therapist expects from you on a session?", "description": "Does your therapist expect you to just tell them everything that bothers you or does he/she ask all the questions themselves? If you come to a session and you feel down and can't put what you're feeling into words, what does your therapist do?\n\nMy therapist expects me to tell her everything myself and decide what are we gonna talk about. If I don't know what to say she's like \"why are you not talking you're making it hard for me\". It kinda stresses me out if I don't know what to say. ", "answer": "As a therapist, I start every session with a mini mental status questionnaire and I'm also supposed to use a outcome rating scale which has my clients rate how they think they're doing in certain areas of their life. I usually spark conversation based on the results and try to just have a natural flow of conversation. I've also sat in silence with a client and while it's uncomfortable, I try to let my clients control the session.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6g7vqv", "comment_id": "dio8hdd"}, {"question": "Two Years Sober", "description": "I never knew I could have this life. I thought it was gone, and my chances of being a good, respectable human were as well.\n\nBut two years ago I put the bottle and dope down and changed my entire life.\n\nRecovery is possible! IWNDWYT", "answer": "Good stuff. Congrats!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "duihti", "comment_id": "f76o5wu"}, {"question": "Idk what to do about this", "description": "I was just in a relationship with a girl for 1yr, the breakup was weird, she told me she was feeling obligated to be alright for me (both of us had a very rough year emotionally) and that she couldnt focus on her artistic side because i would take up all of her thoughts, I tried to wait it out for a few weeks until she decided to actually end it (the week after we made it to 1yr).\nI ended up having a pretty big depression and she just seemed to be fine with all of it, even mocking the fact we broke up sometimes, i ended up finding a girl to talk to which helped me alot with all of this, althought i still really loved my ex.\nA few weeks back my ex invited me to her house and well yeah, she told me we could do this atleast once a week and that she still felt something for me.\nA month later we are kinda dating, i say kinda because she doesnt want to make it public right now, saying she doesnt want other ppl to judge our relationship or act different around us just because we were dating (which happened countless times).\nShould i wait for her?", "answer": "patience is a personal decision. if you're madly in love , i'd give it a month and see of she;s on the same page.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66jyml", "comment_id": "dgj2sra"}, {"question": "Was anybody else NEVER a normal drinker?", "description": "I was doing some thinking and I realised: I have never just had one drink, or two, and stopped willingly. Every time I ever drank it was until the alcohol ran out or I went home. I never felt like I had had enough, and I never drank for the taste. The only reason I ever drank was to get as drunk as I possibly could. I guess alcohol was just never meant to mix with such an addictive personality. Does anyone else feel like they were never a 'normal' drinker, and had alcoholic tendencies from the outset? ", "answer": "I've never had a legal drink and I've never had a drink while successfully moderating. For me I drank to excess from the get go, it's in my genes.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1zgffp", "comment_id": "cftrurf"}, {"question": "How do I cheer my [31/M] bf up? He has been really stressed out and needs a vacation.", "description": "He's in school and last semester was particularly rough for him (mentally). Once school was close to finishing up his car went kaput, and had to focus on fixing it when winter break first started. That in itself was disappointing. Once he fixed his car, after days of tinkering in the cold, it was time to worry about Christmas which he already hates so much because of gift anxiety. He was working on a tech project on the side for alone time, but found out someone had already done something extremely similar and has been really bummed out about it. There's still more family to see and obligations too. (I've already offered outs but he's stubborn)\n\nAs students, we can't afford a vacation, but is there anything I can do to cheer him up? I'm not an emotionally strong person so when he gets stressed out I become distant, to leave him alone.\nI want to take him out somewhere to distract him, but I fear that it will only make it worse.\n\nTl;dr is there any small gesture I can do/say to make my wound up BF more relaxed?\n", "answer": "suggest activities that take his mind off things", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kfkg4", "comment_id": "dbnsbf7"}, {"question": "Memory loss problems", "description": "Hello I am (16) over the past few weeks my memory has been terrible, I can write and my text turns out to be pretty cohesive, its just some words I loose that I never used to, for example I lost a word and got frustrated. Yes I have been staying up late but a few nights ago I had a wonderful sleep (well I assume so) I am both annoyed and concerned just deprivation?.\n\nEDIT: I have reposted this so someone can provided a detailed response.", "answer": "Is this the only symptom?\n\nIf so, it's nothing to worry about. Chill and get on with your life.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jj856", "comment_id": "dbh72jx"}, {"question": "How to stop being an energetic black hole? ", "description": "Sometimes I'm a maestro in social situations. Other times, I feel like I'm playing out of tune. Just got back from a social trainwreck. My boss has taken me and my coworkers out to eat, and while they are laughing, I'm on the verge of tears. We can all feel the energy shift, and I'm definitely not on their level. This, in turn, has me going down, sulking further. Negative and critical hyper-awareness overwhelms me. And I can almost hear them under their breath say, \"What the hell is wrong with this guy?\" I wish I knew. More so, I wish I could fix it. Any advice?   \n", "answer": "You might want to see a counselor. It sounds like if you had the chance to talk out some of your feelings with someone, you might find yourself in a better place to handle them. And in turn, being in a better place to handle your feelings would help you in social situations. Good luck! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vvjgc", "comment_id": "c584w3x"}, {"question": "Are these normal practices during psychotherapy?", "description": "I've been in psychotherapy for about 6 months. It's been helpful, but there have been a couple of therapies that I have been skeptical of. The first one is Internal Family Systems. When I'm having issues with rumination he'll say there are different parts of me and that I should have conversations with the different parts of me. So I'll have these conversations with myself as these \"different parts\" of me. The second is he's into Sufism. Sometimes he'll have me close my eyes and he'll say a prayer that's in Arabic (Were both white Americans). He's also an Enneagram enthusiast. \n\nI got the chance to ask another psychologist if that stuff was normal when I was getting an assessment done. He just responded saying that most psychotherapists take a eclectic approach and that those therapies, although strange, are probably harmless. ", "answer": "Let's just say that I wouldn't expect a psychotherapist in the UK to practice like this...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "61n8fd", "comment_id": "dffstjh"}, {"question": "I know exactly WHAT I should be doing, and WHEN I should be doing it. Why the hell don't I actually DO IT?", "description": "I'm sure it's been said a thousand times in this sub, but **time management is the bane of my fucking existence**.\n\nI have three major projects this semester. I'm only in a leadership position for one of them, and it's the smallest/simplest one.\n\nI know that if I could just spend **three hours a day, every weekday** on each one, I'd have them all under control.\n\nThree hours. That's nothing. That *should* be nothing. I take three Adderall a day and each one lasts 4-5 hours.\n\nExcept focusing on one task at a time, even with the meds is ***literally fucking impossible***.\n\nI have read so many tips on time management. I know what I SHOULD be doing differently. But I just don't. fucking. do it.\n\nI don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to get ANYTHING under control when this is how I'm forced to live my life.", "answer": "Starting is the hardest part in my opinion. Once I start I usually end up enjoying what I\u2019m doing. Instead of telling yourself three hours try 15 minutes. Just practice getting started ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7vrxup", "comment_id": "dtus6pp"}, {"question": "How can I get my insurance to cover more sessions?", "description": "I tried to post this to /r/AskReddit; but I guess asking for help with mental health issues gets you bounced. (Rule 2). \n\nAnyone have any luck getting more sessions out of their insurance company? (Kaiser in particular) My shrink just told me we are running out of covered sessions....", "answer": "One way to think about it is that there are two types of insurance systems in the USA: managed care and medical necessity.  Original Medicare (types a and b) and some medicaid programs are medical necessity which typically means that so long as your doctor certifies that the care is needed to support your health it can continue to be funded.  Managed care is more about requiring authorizations for periods of care which need to be justified each time they expire in order to continue.  They make their profits by denying care essentially.  Your problem is that you (or your employer) have purchased the wrong type of insurance.  People do this because managed care plans are typically cheaper (because they offer less robust coverage) and many people don't see the value in a medical necessity plan until they get shit on by their insurer.  Even then, the complexity of insurance  plans is so great that ordinary people just won't understand how to evaluate which plan is a better fit for your needs.  Tl/Dr: if you have a chronic condition, get yourself a medical necessity based health plan.  If you plan to be healthy then managed care might be for you since it is likely to be cheaper.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4ux6sq", "comment_id": "d5u4bs7"}, {"question": "What is trauma", "description": "Does anyone else feel like they don\u2019t have a right to call something trauma because it\u2019s not \u201cextreme enough\u201d or just doesn\u2019t seem to make the mainstream cut... \nCan anyone relate?\n\nEdit: thanks for all the responses\u2764\ufe0f", "answer": "I use an example with my clients: if I\u2019m carrying a backpack with a 50lb dumbbell, or one with 10 5lb dumbbells, the weight feels the same.  Trauma can be an accumulation of \u201csmaller\u201d incidents over time just as easily as it can be one huge incident.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fr3hp9", "comment_id": "flumb6k"}, {"question": "Any tips for being romantic?", "description": "I'd like to be romantic to my girlfriend, but I don't know how other than showering her with flowers and chocolates. Please help a frustrated but willing-to-learn chump.", "answer": "Hey, we all need a little help sometime. This is a quick list from Dr. John Gottman, a world leader in marriage research. These ideas are all pretty good, and can help spice things up! Everyone should give them a good read! \n\nhttp://www.lakemartinfamilytherapy.com/50%20Quick%20Connects%20for%20Couples.pdf", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gicu3", "comment_id": "c1nwqpg"}, {"question": "How the fuck do some users have tens of thousands of karma points and zero posts?", "description": "http://www.reddit.com/user/AussieBeast\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/user/Child-in-Time\n\nGotta be something going on.  And what the fuck is this guy but a bunch of users joined at the bot:\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/user/StickleyMan", "answer": "Lots of people delete posts periodically.  \n  \nAt the time I'm posting this, AussieBeast has 2 link posts up, both doing very well.  ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1p3bfc", "comment_id": "ccygdg4"}, {"question": "Should somebody provide a therapy before finishing certification?", "description": "My previous \"therapist\" was actually a psychologist training to become a psychotherapist. She was terrible at her job. Is this normal for somebody to take a role of a therapist before finishing the certification? Sorry if my wording seems weird, English is not my first language.", "answer": "This is very typical.  Every single form of therapist in the United States whether that be Master's level therapist or Doctorate level therapist must go through an internship while they're still in school where they'll be seeing clients and then work for a few years post graduating where the majority of time they should be seeing clients all without being licensed.  While they're doing this, they're working under the supervision of a much more experienced therapist who they'll talk to about their cases.  \n\n\nIt is not typical for a client to get to speak with the supervisor however if they want to issue a complaint, they should be given the supervisor's contact info.  If the therapist is providing therapy for an agency, whether they're licensed or not, they will have a direct supervisor you can call and issue a complaint to.  If they are working in a smaller or private practice, their supervisor may not be part of the practice but be an independent supervisor.  If they are working pre-license in this way, they should provide you with their license supervisor's contact info either at the beginning of working together or upon request.  \n\n\nAll this info relates to the United States and this may vary from country to country.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo7vu7", "comment_id": "feaqah2"}, {"question": "I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.", "description": "Long story short: I've been in and out of depression for as long as I can remember, but it really hit hard a year or two ago and stuck. I went to therapy for a year but never got much out of it.\n\nThe hardest thing was moving out and going to college a few months ago. The only people I hang out with are two of my friends from highschool that go here. Still, I end up spending most of my time in my room by myself. To add to the complete and total loneliness, my girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. I get that I'm young, and my relationships aren't exactly serious, but we've been through so much together, and it's incredibly difficult for me to love and trust people.\n\nThe worst part of it, I think, is that I don't feel sad or angry like I thought I would. I feel empty. Void. I know I'm probably furious and miserable somewhere inside but I can't feel it. It's like I'm out of touch with my humanity. I don't think about suicide (anymore), but I feel like that if I were faced with my own death, it wouldn't even bother me.", "answer": "Therapist are like shoes, they don't always fit you.  Sometimes trying other therapists out is a good idea.  I know people who have went to 20+ therapists before they found the right one.  On top of that you are in college they typically have therapists on staff for free. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2m9uur", "comment_id": "cm3rtjb"}, {"question": "My girlfriend [15/f] doesn't text me [15/m] the same way like she did last month", "description": "So me and my gf have been together for a month now. Before we were together she was dropping a lot of hints that show she had feelings for me but I was \"slow\" according to her not to realize. So we met up and we kissed then told our feelings for each other and thats how it started. But now a month later it's weird she used to show a lot of hearts in the text and showed interest in me but now not anymore. I told her i still like her and told her why and she called stupid, though i think it was jokingly I don't even know. Our relationship is also a secret to others we can't act like we are together. Also when we take the train together she looks disappointed and shes on her phone. So what now?", "answer": "she's young. sometimes feelings are flighty. ask her directly what she's feeling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktgel", "comment_id": "dbqhesp"}, {"question": "Justifications in the face of real threat", "description": "In 5 days I undergo a hysterectomy due to precancerous and very early stage cancerous cells in my reproductive organs. \n\nMy doctor was very direct in saying \"think of each cigarette as marinating these cancerous cells\". Granted, my condition is not directly due to smoking, but it's likely progressed faster than it would have otherwise. \n\nI told myself \"I'll quit 2 weeks before surgery... ok, ten days... One week....\" While I've cut down considerably, I'm still smoking at 5 days out. \n\nThere is no true logic to this. Am I stressed? Certainly. Am I addicted? No doubt. Do these points make smoking acceptable? Absolutely not. \n\nI'm disgusted and annoyed with myself over this, declaring each cigarette to be the last, knowing in my mind that I don't really mean it. \n\nI wish I'd never started this so many years ago. \n\nToday really must be the day, or I must accept that smoking is more important than my health, my family, and my quality of life. \n\n", "answer": "You have to get a hysterectomy?!  That seems pretty extreme.  Did you get a second opinion?  I was under the impression that they could scrape away precancerous cells on your cervix.  \n\nI smoked for 13 years and was basically forced to quit almost two months ago when I was in the hospital after a suicide attempt.  I was out after five days, but I figured I might as well just continue not smoking.  All the other stuff going on with my health actually made it easier to quit.  You should definitely quit before surgery though because smoking impairs healing.", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "7aj0hs", "comment_id": "dpazl1y"}, {"question": "Bright red stool, help I'm scared", "description": "Well this has never happened before and I went to the bathroom yesterday at around 5 or 6 pm and it was all normal. But I just went and BOOM red stool, it was hard stool. Harder that normal but it wasn't really tough to get out. I just told my mom and I'm freaking out I'm sorry if I'm not giving enough info or my spelling is bad but I'm shaking and can barely keep my phone still.\nI'm 18 almost 19 and live in the us, I am a white male and am overweight but i plan to fix that (was gonna plan to lose a pound a week or try anyways for my resolution)\n", "answer": "Red as in the stool was red or that there was also blood around it?\n\n(Don't think it's anything scary so far)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5k2o0i", "comment_id": "dbkux7w"}, {"question": "Have any of you majored in psychology or are majoring bc of your disorders?", "description": "Personally I want to become a researcher once I get my doctorate and find new treatment methods or even cures to mental illnesses. What influenced my decision is what I've been through and my experience with bpd, chronic depression, and social anxiety. I don't want anyone else to go through what I live with. I just want to know if anyone is doing the same bc im curious lol.", "answer": "Yeah, I'm actually a LMFT. It's great ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5q9xgy", "comment_id": "dcxv0sf"}, {"question": "PLASMA AND ASTHMA", "description": "I've recently fallen on hard times and wanted to donate plasma for some extra cash. However, my local plasma center refuses if I've used my Inhaler within 90 days. My question is, for a my alburteral inhaler really effect my plasma where I can accidently hurt someone?", "answer": "I'm not knowledgeable, but I *think* the restriction is supposed to be for your safety, not the recipient's.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8j7bfv", "comment_id": "dyxilj4"}, {"question": "AA question", "description": "I was court ordered to attend AA. I don't like it. What bothers me most is the stupid sayings. I know AA helps people but I don't think I belong there. \n\nI'm not trying to troll. If AA works for you, that's great. I am mad to have this forced on me. I was wondering what you think of this video. I agree with everything in it. It would be great to hear some different opinions. Maybe it will help me get through ther next year. Thanks. \n\nhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-pRv6sdsMI", "answer": "This video is the essence of trolling. \n\nSorry you fucked up.\n\nWish you the best in life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1nh71z", "comment_id": "ccipc6t"}, {"question": "Best metaphor for (your) ADHD?", "description": "As a recently diagnosed middle-aged dude, I've dived into the rabbit hole of ADHD videos, forums, articles etc over the last few months and love some of the concepts people use to explain the condition.  \n\n\nLong before I knew what ADHD was, my explanation for my state of mind was that my brain is a car with a powerful engine, but no transmission. All those thoughts and ideas don't make a difference because they can't turn the wheels and get any grip on the road.   \n\n\nI've heard some similar ones, like Dr Ned Hallowell's \"ADHD brains are a Ferarri with no brakes\" - what are your favourite ideas to explain (your version of) ADHD?", "answer": "Mine is also a car metaphor, which is that everyone hits speed bumps in life, but while everyone else just slows down and continues on after a speed bump, it puts me into the ditch every single time. And then I begin a long and arduous process of towing myself out so I can continue on, only to find myself back in the ditch again after the next speed bump.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aere7i", "comment_id": "edrw4uo"}, {"question": "Wine is...", "description": "Wine is...\n\nTo my delusional brain:\n-Feeling \u201csexy\u201d and desirable \n-Very European and laid back\n-Sinatra in the background as I cook \n-A fragrant aroma on the lips \n-Deep conversations with girlfriends\n-Giggling and telling jokes\n-A \u201cdeserved\u201d break from the day to day \n-Letting loose, \u201chaving a good time\u201d\n-Being \u201csocial\u201d and \u201cfun\u201d\n-A harmless way for a gal to relax \n\nIn reality:\n-A pounding, relentless headache\n-Bloodshot eyes and red, swollen cheeks\n-Sallow, dry skin and stained, dry lips\n-Embarrassing myself in public\n-Fighting with my husband \n-Hanging on people, harassing them with my putrid, toxic breath \n-Bruises from origins unknown\n-Accidentally breaking my property\n-Careless, dangerous mistakes\n-Forgotten, meaningless conversations\n-Shallow/vague/indulgent confessions of love and appreciation to people who are in, actuality, mere acquaintances \n-Crying uncontrollably about things that happened 10+ years ago\n-Sloppy dancing and slurred sing alongs (aka looking like a total mess and fool) \n-Saying god-awful things under the guise of \u201cbeing honest\u201d \n-Insane and chronic anxiety and sadness\n-Regret and actual terror over what I possibly said and did \nThe list could go on and on and on...\n\nI have a friend\u2019s wedding in September and actually thought about having \u201cjust\u201d a glass the other day. I wrote this to hold myself accountable. IWNDWYT", "answer": "Very well said and so true. The picture of drinking in our head doesn\u2019t usually match the reality at all! Since my drinking became problematic, there was never one time when I woke up thinking..\u201dI\u2019m really glad I drank last night.\u201d It\u2019s more like you said; what the hell do I do or say. Are people pissed at me for something or did I manage to skate through without ruining a friendship or starting a fight? Or did I say something inappropriate or mean that has no resemblance at all to my true feelings or beliefs, either in the name of humor or to lash out for who knows why. For me, there is also almost always more drinking the next day to put all the things I just mentioned out of my head. What a miserable way to live!! Glad to be sober and hopefully have all of that behind me. IWNDWYT!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cd2x55", "comment_id": "etrmm9o"}, {"question": "Therapist is sleeping with his client", "description": "I am in a fight within myself regarding this one situation. A friend of mine confided in me about that she (38 yrs old) has started sleeping and dating her therapist. This therapist has convinced her that he is high up on the spiritual ladder, that he's really advanced in meditation and all sorts of spiritual bull and she's fallen hook line and sinker for him. He's 25 yrs older than her AND he's her professor at a special Emotional intelligence university. She has boundary issues stemming from abuse in childhood and she was involved with a married (again much older) man, whish is why she's been seeing this therapist. I am torn inside, in a way I think this is all about her adult decisions and so be it, but another part of me is livid towards this so-called therapist. How dare he! Should I report him?\n\nEDIT: Thank you, I feel clearly now that is is the right thing to do, to report. This guy should never be able to do this to anyone ever again. I know that my friend will despise and hate me, and that breaks my heart. I would love to just do it anonymously if that's even possible. Argh... frustrated here... ", "answer": "This is a really frustrating situation.  To be clear,  what the therapist is doing (assuming he actually is a therapist) is illegal and unethical. \n\nYou can definitely report it if you want .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hgt4sk", "comment_id": "fw5xqd3"}, {"question": "Currently on day 4 after smoking heavily for 2 years and want to share my experience", "description": "Sorry if this gets a little rambley, I'm writing this at four in the morning.\n\nI've been smoking nearly every day for about a year now and 3-6 times a day for a few months. I'm 21 and started smoking when I was 18, not very often at first, but the frequency gradually increased over time. Four days ago I decided to cut back on smoking, which turned into not smoking, since I'm running low on money, and I've recently gotten into song writing and get too self conscious to write while high. I've stopped before without problems, but this time I'm having difficulty sleeping and feeling a little cloudy. \n\nThe first day was by far the worst. I took night time benadryl because the day before I had a little trouble sleeping. I fell asleep at 2AM and woke up at 3AM with my body feeling completely stressed out for no apparent reason. I didn't consider not smoking the issue due to my previous experience with quitting, but considering the timing and every other factor, it's the only explanation I have. I was able to sleep the next night, but considering I barely got an hour of sleep, that's no surprise. This bring us to right now.\n\nI'm unable to sleep again, despite being tired all day. It's incredibly annoying, but considering that I dabble with other drugs which I can't sleep on, I'm sort of used to it. I only really noticed the fog today because usually when I stop it only takes one or two days for me to feel clear again. I imagine this is because I've been smoking more heavily recently. Thankfully, these are the only negative side effects of quitting I've noticed.\n\nPre-quitting, I've noticed that I'm a little more spacey than I used to be, but to be fair I've always kinda been like that. I blank on trying to find a word a lot more than I used to though, sometimes even a pretty common word, which is what really made me notice. I can't say whether or not my cognitive abilities have declined significantly or not besides the word acquisition issue. I can say that my motivation to do anything is shot as soon as I'm high though, which has definitely reflected in my studying/grades. To be fair I never studied all that much in the first place, but I digress. I'm also a rather anxious stoned, so I often decline offers to do things, which considering how often I smoke, is impeding my social life.\n\nNow on to the positives I've noticed since quitting. I'm generally a very messy person, always have been. Surprisingly, since quitting, I've without thinking cleaned up after myself after cooking, which was starting to become a problem because I live with two roommates and I know it's been bothering them. My appetite/control over my eating has also changed considerably. When I'm stoned I like to call myself \"The Great Devourer\" because if I have the option to, I'll eat until it hurts, which combined with a sedentary lifestyle has led to a rather hefty weight gain. Additionally, instead of ignoring something being on the floor that shouldn't be there and walking on, I take the half second to pick it up. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me these are some serious changes in my behaviour. \n\nI've also become more social since quitting. My roommate/best friend hasn't stopped completely like myself, but now he's limiting himself to smoking at night. We always end up hanging out in our living room, but when we were high wouldn't say much unless we had a comment about a show we were watching or had something special that we wanted to share from reddit and things like that. In general, no idle chitchat. Post quitting/cutting back, we've been talking a lot more, which while it starts at small talk, has lead to us having more in depth conversations about our lives. I've even shown him a song I've been working on, which would never happen if I were high. Like I said, I'm self conscious to the point of not even writing when stoned, let alone allowing someone to see it, even those I'm closest to.\n\nWhat started as a funding issue has turned into me considering quitting altogether, though I'm leaning towards just seriously cutting back (restricting to weekends or something like that). I still enjoy the way it makes me feel, and love how food tastes when I'm stoned. I'm confident if I can treat it as a special occasion as opposed to a casual daily event I'll be able to keep the benefits. Though for now I'm going to stay the course and see where it takes me. \n\nIf you've made it this far, thanks for reading. It's now 5AM and I'm going to try to get some sleep.", "answer": "No offense but it doesn't seem you can compare what's it like quitting to before if you are only on day 4", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4mi1ma", "comment_id": "d3w4d52"}]