[{"question": "love vs grad school [28/m]", "description": "im having a difficult time deciding what my next step is. so, i was accepted to an ma program in english. i have a great advisor, total financial support, and the opportunity to do paid research. the program has a great track record for placement in top twenty phd programs. for the summer, i moved to a city to be nearer to my significant other (so) and to enjoy urban life before heading to a more remote part of the country for my ma. it's been amazing! i'm working in the creative industry and our love has really been growing. since being here i've questioned whether or not grad school is right for me now. it's been scary but also exciting to spread my wings a bit and find professional opportunities here. i've been thinking about dropping the school thing for now and trying to pursue creative endeavors (my other passion aside from studying literature) like writing while i'm young. of course my so also plays a role in my decision. she said she'd consider doing long distance (i'm a short plane ride away) when i proposed it. but is generally cool on the idea. she'd like me to stay on in aforementioned city. i could spend two weekends out of each month with her, as well as j terms and the summer if we did long distance. but i'm afraid that we'd grow distant. its scary to consider staying on here in the city because i currently have no immediate job prospects and even if i did it would likely not be one of my passions as it certainly won't be a) academics or b ) in writing. but i feel as though it would be an interesting ride and grad school is always there, though this amazing ma opportunity isn't. if i did the ma, i'd stand a better chance at getting back to the city as a phd candidate. but on the other hand, i could apply to phd programs here in this city this fall to start next year and turn my back on the ma. i hadn't finished my thesis when i didn't get into phd programs last year and i now have high school teaching under my belt, which might look good to phd or masters programs in this city. in fact, i initially planned to do this ma to up my chances of getting to attend a phd program in this city--before meeting my so! so on the one hand, a sure spot and income come fall doing something i love but with an unsure future with my so and lots of hand wringing at \"what could have been\" not just re so but also at what kind of career i might have built for myself (safe route) and on the other an exciting young adulthood in an exciting city with my so for the foreseeable future but still possibly regretting not taking my place this fall at grad school (risky route). and i have to decide within the week!! has anyone made a similar decision? d", "answer": "career is a no brainer. if you are both mature and stable, ld won't be a problem.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qpl2b", "comment_id": "6qpl2b"}, {"question": "16-year-old male soliciting online strangers for sex at the family home", "description": "this is a throwaway account. i am the legal guardian of a 16 yr old male who identifies as gay. he has been in my home since he was 12 and i am legal guardian of his younger sibling. his very best friend approached me today and tearfully revealed that my child has been soliciting much older strangers online and sneaking them into the family home late at night. this friend struggled with revealing this information but was afraid when this friend realized that these were just random hookups that did not even include names being exchanged.  i have taken my child's phone and discovered he has shared our home address with strangers and is advertising himself as available through random apps. my child is also catfishing men pretending to be a female as well and using his biological mother's name to post under. he also has another phone that i did not purchase for him and i had to completely change the internet password to restrict access.  i was a very bad teen myself. i engaged in risky behaviors. it's what teens do, but this seems a bit excessive. i want to make sure he is protected but i also want to make sure his younger sibling is not being placed at risk. obviously the phone is gone and his playstation. i would like to avoid a kneejerk reaction but i am legitimately worried about strange people trying to get into my home.  my child has a history of severe physical and sexual abuse.", "answer": "what a scary situation! as far as what you can do at home , it seems like you are on top of it!  as you know,  he has more going on than just being a \"bad teen.\" you are right that risk taking is normal,  but sexual acting out to this degree is very scary.   what kind of support do you have for mental health and other support services ?  is there a social worker or other point of contact ? being he is so close to adulthood , it may be worth front loading as much as you can while you have some control .  good luck , it sounds like you are doing a great job.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fc3nhr", "comment_id": "fc3nhr"}, {"question": "spiro withdrawal?", "description": "hey all,  i am currently out of spiro (one week now) and cannot get to the doctor to refill my prescription for another two weeks.  i am considering going off of it as i am full paleo/alcohol free/etc. and am hoping my lifestyle will allow me to go off (only because i hate being teathered to daily pills). does anyone have experience with withdrawal from spiro? claire ", "answer": "oh god, my spiro withdrawal was awful even titrating off slowly. gained 10 lbs of water weight and felt like my stomach had a layer of jello all around it. took a month off to feel normal. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "8l3rph", "comment_id": "8l3rph"}, {"question": "possible lyme disease", "description": "age:42  sex: female  wt: 265  location: general body pain/symptoms and i live in ny after moving here from ct 3 years ago.   duration: about 6 years, symptoms seem to have dramatically increased after the birth of my youngest son(6 years ago)   hx: gerd, migraines, anxiety   no medication except recently prescribed cedifinir   could you please help me decipher these results? i had a western blot for lyme disease and looks like a positive for igg bands 41, 58, 63,and igm band 23 .  plenty of symptoms for a number of years (joint pain, stiffness, numbness, tingling, headaches, nausea, brain fog, exhaustion) and elevated sed rate (54) and crp (27) which both have increased over the past year. otherwise normal cbc and metabolic panel,  negative ana and normal thyroid panels   i also have been having persistent painful enlarged lymph nodes in my underarms that first were detected on mammogram in 2017. ( thankfully biopsy negative for cancer). recent ultrasound  f/u this month shows enlarged nodes without suspicion of malignancy, largest greater than 4cm, likely reactive.   i had a negative chest x-ray this month and a essentially normal brain mri (due to the headaches and to f/u a \u201cnondescript white matter hyperintensity 6mm, no change)  my pcp has sent me to a rheumatologist who has prescribed antibiotics ( cedifinir) for 3 weeks to see if the sed rate comes down and to determine if we will be on the right track. neither doctor has positively said i have lyme disease. i appreciate your help and time. i read conflicting info online regarding what criteria is needed to determine if someone has lyme disease. (number and type of positive bands needed)  i guess i am asking if it looks like i do lyme disease.", "answer": "the cdc standard is 5 igg bands. you can find conflicting advice, but much of it is from the pseudo-medical chronic lyme disease community. i am not an infectious disease doctor, but the simple standard is no, what you describe is probably not lyme. it's not unreasonable to treat for a normal length of time (3 weeks) and see if it helps, though.  it sounds like a rheumatologist would be the right person to see.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bsnryv", "comment_id": "bsnryv"}, {"question": "can any autoimmune disease affect hiv test results?", "description": "age\\- 20  sex\\- male  weight\\- 70kg  lets say the sexual exposure was 3 years ago and i tested for hiv now \\(it came out negative thankfully\\) would an autoimmune disease affect test results though?", "answer": "in a word, no.  in a few more words, autoimmune disorders are more likely to cause false positives or unclear results, but even that is extremely rare. immunodeficiency disorders \\(igg deficiency, for example\\) might cause false negatives for antibody tests, but antigen tests would still be positive, and an immunodeficiency disorder that serious would almost certainly be known already.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8m8hec", "comment_id": "8m8hec"}, {"question": "a little help?", "description": "hi everyone, i do not know if this is the place to post this to sorry if it's in the wrong place or it's long winded, but i just want to give context...  i have many mental health issues, including bipolar disorder, ptsd, and anxiety. my family has a long history of alcoholism and addiction. recently, i have noticed my marijuana smoking to be more erratic than usual. i have never had a problem before. but i've smoked everyday, up to 3-4 times a day for about 3 months now, and just smoking more and more because my tolerance is getting so high. usually when my tolerance starts to get high i just stop smoking entirely for a few months, no problem.   but this time it's different. i cant stop. i tried to replace it with cigarettes, cigars, vapes to no avail. when i tell myself i'm stopping, that time was the last time, i immediately have very strong cravings. most of the time i can't stop myself at all, i end up making some excuse.    i'm worried if i stop i will manage to replace it with something much worse (e.g. alcohol, xanax). i am also worried about having to stop completely due to tendency to addiction, as i do use marijuana for severe pain because i am allergic to opioids, as well as ptsd because i cannot be perscribed benzos due to the bipolar disorder.   i think the reason cigars and vaping didn't help curb my cravings (as they usually do) because this time i am no longer smoking for fun or for one of my medical issues, i am smoking because i am very depressed and going through a really rough time right now, and i'm doing it to feel numb. so if i haven't smoked, i feel the pain.   so now i'm pretty certain i'm catching potential substance abuse early. knowing my mental state + family history it could easily spiral out of control if i'm not careful. i feel so scared and uncertain and i have no idea what to do.   i do not have a good support system at all, and i can barely take care of myself due to a horrible combination of mental illness, physical disability, and being a college student. so already barely being able to function and feeling like now i need to tackle another issue i've created for myself is very overwhelming.   i have no idea what to do in this situation and i am feeling very scared and i guess i just would like any kind of advice, guidance, tips, tricks, resources, anything to put me on the track going up...   tl;dr: caught substance abuse early. need help stopping it now and making sure it doesn't happen again in the future. ", "answer": "i also have struggled with mental health issues which i tried to self-medicate. i got sober in marijuana anonymous and it saved my life. you can check out their website for more information and to see if there are meetings in your area:  WEBLINK  there are also online and phone ma meetings every day. here on reddit check out r/leaves, they get the weed thing too.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "7z0dp2", "comment_id": "7z0dp2"}, {"question": "i\u2019m obese, but have been told by a mental health team and my doctor to stop losing weight. i don\u2019t agree. i am being helped in dealing with an eating disorder, but feel like the \u201ctreatment\u201d is tailored towards underweight/normal weight people, and they all aren\u2019t considering my context. am i wrong?", "description": "female. in my 20s. 177cm. 97kg (214lbs). diabetic type 2 and hypertension, but both managed with lifestyle now and don\u2019t need meds for them. i take escitalopram 20mg. been on and off other anxiety meds lately - i stop them due to fear of weight gain.   lost 60kg (132lbs) since july, most of it since august through quite severe calorie restriction. recently started purging too. yada yada yada. i know i have an eating disorder, and i am trying to get help.   but the thing is, my doctor sent me to a mental health team for help (i didn\u2019t get much of a choice but wasn\u2019t too against it, i wanted help for my anxiety more but they are focused on my eating). initially saw a psychiatrist, diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa (atypical coz i\u2019m obese obviously).   after seeing the psychiatrist, i went back to my gp and she told me that they said i needed to stop losing and maintain my weight. they didn\u2019t mention this to me and i was confused.   anyway, i see a psychologist there every week now. he said last time with the therapy and treatment, the aim is for me not to lose or gain, but maintain the weight.  i just don\u2019t get it. i\u2019m still overweight by a lot. which is unhealthy. isn\u2019t it wrong of them to not want me to lose weight? i know i\u2019ve been doing it in an unhealthy way and my mental heath isn\u2019t great, but can\u2019t i work on this with their help and still lose weight in a healthy way at the same time? i really do not want to stop losing weight for any amount of time. and i\u2019m not underweight. i need to lose weight.   i have a feeling this is their standard treatment for people with eating disorders. but for someone like me who is overweight, shouldn\u2019t it be altered to support healthy weight loss still? or am i wrong?  the psychologist also said something about \u201cset weight\u201d and many factors can influence a weight range normal for each individual, and i might be in mine. but that sounds crazy to me. they want me to stay obese? i\u2019ve been obese my entire life, and i\u2019ve only started doing something about it last year. i\u2019ve been able to come off various meds and my blood tests were great (recent). i\u2019m not dying or anything from this \u201c eating disorder\u201d, so i also feel a bit dumb getting help. but at the same time i do want help to stop some of the behaviours i\u2019m doing and the obsessive food and calories stuff.   but basically, are they going about this the wrong way? or am i wrong?  any insight helpful, especially from any medical professionals or people with experience in these areas.  edited to add: thanks for all the comments, i do appreciate people taking them time to comment. part of me knows you\u2019re all correct, just another part of me is struggling to accept this and finding it hard. i have an appointment at the place with the psychologist today, and an appointment with my gp in a few days, so i may voice my concerns so they\u2019re aware.", "answer": "others have covered this well, but i want to reiterate: having a particular bmi, even if it is higher than recommended, is a potential long-term problem. that increases the likelihood of health problems eventually. extreme caloric restriction and especially purging are acute problems. they can kill you now.  it makes sense that the first intervention is to try to manage your eating disorder, because without that everything else is like trying to manage high blood pressure while you are on fire. your weight is not the right priority because it's not the high-risk, high-acuity problem you face. you say you're not dying or anything from this eating disorder; the problem is that you can start dying *very quickly.*  it makes sense to address your eating disorder first, and then potentially address healthy and sustainable weight loss later if necessary.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fcastk", "comment_id": "fcastk"}, {"question": "where can i get social skills training?", "description": "reading about social skills is only doing so much for me.  are there any useful classes, retreats, coaches or whatever that can *teach* these things from skilled instructors?", "answer": "i've offered [social skills coaching](WEBLINK) for the past few years. i might be able to help you out :)  also, a professional therapist will have a lot of tips and tricks that can help you be more social. so looking into therapy could be a good option for you, too.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3bw6hs", "comment_id": "3bw6hs"}, {"question": "my husband does not want to lose his drinking buddy.", "description": "i have been trying to quit drinking for six months now but my husband is kind of sabotaging me. he gets home from work before me and always has a glass of wine poured for me even when i have said \" i'm not drinking tomorrow or i'm not drinking during the work week.\"  two years ago i managed to quit for three months when we had completely opposite schedules and days off. but he got a different job expressly so we could spend time together and things went right back to the usual nightly drinking. he stridently claims that we don't drink as much as a lot of people to which i say so what? i don't care how much other people drink. i don't know what i'm asking but if anyone else has had this experience i would love your feedback . ", "answer": "while my husband didn\u2019t pressure me to drink, there was no way i could quit if he didn\u2019t. i always felt he drank way too much; i knew i had a problem, too, but not like him.   i ended up separating from him after i\u2019d given him 3 6-month heads up that he needed to quit or i was out and the drinking just continued.   i separated from my husband because he was an alcoholic; i divorced him because *i* was.   yes, i drank less but i was about a hundred and 20 pounds lighter than him and am a woman. my drinking was going to kill me a hell of a lot faster.   when i finally quit i realized i could never be with someone who drank\u2014i didn\u2019t need him to pressure me, because the simple presence of booze in the house and the enabling influence of an active alcoholic was all i needed. after six months of separation it was clear he wasn\u2019t going to quit and the decision was a clear one.   i hope your situation doesnt end like mine. be clear about your intentions and about what you need in order to quit. that\u2019s all you can control as long as you are together. good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "74eazn", "comment_id": "74eazn"}, {"question": "can i ask a girl to prom without knowing her well?", "description": "basically the title, is it weird if i just approach her and ask? should i ask her on another date first? prom\u2019s coming up soon and im quite nervous to find a date.", "answer": "without knowing her well?  certainly.  without knowing her at all?  i wouldn't.     you're not asking her to be your one and only till death do you part.  you need a date for the prom.  she may need a date for the prom.     so long as you've actually talked to her on a few occasions, nothing wrong with asking her.  \"hey, do you have a date to prom yet?  would you want to go with me?\"     if she says no, ask somebody else.  if you're not currently dating anyone, consider asking a friend.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bbmff9", "comment_id": "bbmff9"}, {"question": "how do you break up with someone who is not expecting it?", "description": "my gf [28f] and i [28m] have been together for 3 1/2 years.   her expectations are to get a house and get married in the next couple of years - completely normal. but, i am rather hesitant about this and overtime have realised that this is not what i want.   i\u2019ve been deliberating the future of our relationship for the past 1 1/2 years (almost breaking up, periods of long distance when i had to work abroad, and periods of me being in hospital thrown in the mix). during all of this, she has been amazing but i think i have finally realised it is best if we break up, and sooner rather than later.  we are both non-confrontational and hesitate talking about things that may rock the boat. so we have just played along, had fun with each other and kept each other happy day-to-day. so on the surface, and from her perspective our relationship is going well at the moment.  i\u2019d say that she loves me more than i love her, she is the driving force of the relationship, and recently has been hinting strongly at moving up the gears.   i do care for her very much and think she is an amazing person, but overall i feel this is the best option for the both of us in the long run.   so my question is: how do i break up with her in the most humane way when she isn\u2019t expecting it?  thanks in advance :)", "answer": "\u201ci\u2019ve realized that i don\u2019t want to be with you. no, there\u2019s nothing you can do to change my mind. i\u2019m so sorry.\u201d  it will blow everything to smithereens in short order.   next time, let her know 14-18 months ago when she could have responded to it somehow. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "804pji", "comment_id": "804pji"}, {"question": "how to get my calorie intake?", "description": "i\u2019ve been suffering from my anxiety more than usual recently and having problems with eating enough food.   what can i eat little of, or use techniques to get my recommended calorie intake? or do i just need to take my fears head on? i\u2019m afraid of losing weight.", "answer": "definitely try to work on the anxiety so you can get back to a more normal diet... but i recommend ensure plus. they're nutrition shakes that are 350 calories per little bottle. they've helped me out in situations where i couldn't get myself to eat.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "h8wts9", "comment_id": "h8wts9"}, {"question": "saw a picture of a girl on facebook, thought she was pretty, then realized she was a minor", "description": "so. i saw some picture of a girl on facebook that was linked by someone else. it was an old picture. my initial reaction was that shes pretty, although i wasnt sure of her age. could have been 17, 18, 16...sometimes its hard to tell.  anyway, that girl is now like 21 and the picture is from five years ago, meaning shewas 15-16....now i am terrified that i had a genuine reaction to that picture and theres something wrong with me. things i do now are contaminated by the possibility...like if i write an email it is contaminated...", "answer": "there is nothing we are going to say here that will make anything logical to the point that you won't feel bad anymore.  if we do, then we helped you do a compulsion.   the best thing you can do is accept that your body may have reacted, and that you may have found her attractive, and that despite your intention or desire to avoid being a pedophile, you may be one or become one. but, like murderers, you aren't one until you take a distinctive act, which you have not done. give yourself the permission to have thoughts like everyone else, then get on with your life. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "6qncpz", "comment_id": "6qncpz"}, {"question": "bpd and npd comorbidity?", "description": "so, i've read that apparently 25% of people who have borderline personality disorder also have narcissistic personality disorder. can someone, ideally someone with personal experience, explain to me how this is possible? the two seem like completely diametrical disorders. someone with bpd has an unstable identity, someone with npd has a very rigid (if entirely false) identity (right?). people with bpd frequently feel inferior, people with npd feel superior.  how can they coexist within one person?", "answer": "although this itself is a simple answer as well.... you're oversimplifying the diagnoses of bpd and npd a good deal here.  while what you said can be true sometimes of those individuals, what you've stated is more of a simplified stereotypical view and it's not so dichotomous.     in order to be diagnosed with a disorder, you need to meet certain diagnostic criteria.  the diagnostic criteria for the two disorders can certainly overlap and don't preclude each other.  if you'd like to know more, simply look up the dsm-v diagnostic criteria for each disorder.       these two fall into what we call cluster b personality disorders because there is a lot of overlap.  in many cases, someone may not meet criteria for an official diagnosis of on particular disorder but exhibit various symptoms from various disorders within the cluster.     usually over time a clinician zeroes in on one diagnosis.  while it's certainly possible to have both of these diagnosed at the same time, i don't believe it's very common.     remember too.... a diagnosis is the clinician's best guess at what's going on.  it's not clear cut like a doctor looking at an x-ray and saying you have a broken bone.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vkkd9", "comment_id": "8vkkd9"}, {"question": "i (m22) am feeling like an empty shell who just adapt to whatever its around me but dont really enjoy anything", "description": "first at all, im not a native english speaker so feel free to ask if something is not clear enough or  if i miswrite it. also, thanks for anyone who read :)  well, i dont really know how to start to describe the confusion i have with myself and i dont want to create a long post, so i think i will focus in the things i can remember.  ​  ​  i think my main problem is lack of motivation. right now i started to work in a tech company and finished my computer science career, so i am doing okay in that matter even if i am just following the stream of what i have in front of me (the company was the one i did the internship, so no real effort for my part).  the thing is, i get bored of everything, people included. i really dont dislike people but eventually i drop a group of people and later will get in another.  i dont know why and when i think about it i cant get nothing clear. this applies with games also, but i dont think this is really important. afterall, there is a lot of games and its not like i cant get another hobbie when i burn it.  ​  another of the problems i have is my personality. if you ask some of my friends (irl or online) i think they will describe me like a calm, shy and lazy person. im okay with that because i try to \"pleasure\" anyone and see conflicts like a waste of time. my personality changes a lot in differents groups of friends but i dont really enjoy social activities. i think the only \"real\" thing in my personality at this point is my love for cats haha.  ​  i tried reading a lot about different mental disorders but because a lot of symptoms are common and i am not a expert in that matter i didnt get anything useful. also disorders test which i think are vague and not worth it.  finally, the advice that i need is a hint of whatever its affecting me because going with this to a psychologist only will get me a standard advice of \"dont worry, be happy, you are your, etc...\"", "answer": "i\u2019m admittedly biased coming from a mental health background but i would still recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. you may have a diagnosis and you may not, that doesn\u2019t really matter and it\u2019s actually very common for people to seek therapy for all the reasons you\u2019re describing. a therapist who tells you to \u201cjust be happy\u201d would not be a good one and in my option should not even exist. either way, finding someone (professional or not) to just talk about these things in a nonjudgmental way can help you see new perspectives or get ideas of new things to try. a lot of other advice i could see would be making small changes like changing up your environment and trying new hobbies. if that feels too daunting make changes even smaller like moving things in your room, taking a 5 min walk, etc. i also think that it\u2019ll be important to be kind and patient with yourself, easier said than done but just keep yourself on course", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "hpzp3t", "comment_id": "hpzp3t"}, {"question": "anyone try high intensity exercise (hit)?", "description": "i've seen studies indicate hit in particular will not only improve insulin sensitivity, but may raise the resting metabolic rate which will dramatically increase the amount of calories your body burns at rest throughout the day.  anyone have any personal experiences with hit? how did it impact your pcos symptoms and/or weight?", "answer": "i used to do hiit and when i stopped i finally lost all the weight i had gained as well as my belly fat. i guess increasing muscle mass is helpful for insulin resistance, but for me it just raised my cortisol levels by a lot (to the point that the doctors were questioning cushings).", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "4agdk6", "comment_id": "4agdk6"}, {"question": "aa - a shift in perspective", "description": "for a long while i've viewed aa a working the steps, and that's pretty much it.  the rest of it - fellowship, meetings, etc. - were nice but were more additions to my recovery than anything else.  the steps is what mattered most.  tonight i had a very illuminating group session an my inpatient treatment.  our counsellor told us the results of various studies done on alcoholics and sobriety.  the #1 key to maintaining abstinence is social support.  the steps are a guide to spiritual growth, but many people stay sober without ever touching them.  the importance of meetings is not to gain more insight to work the steps better, but to stay in contact with old friends and make new ones.  along the way i can also get the chance to help someone else along their recovery.  this has been an interesting bit of information for me.  it's incredible how much my views on recovery shift the more i know.  how have your views changed as you get on in your recovery?  or what do you think makes successful recovery?  i hope everyone is having a great sober 24 hours!  ", "answer": "i've been thinking on what i thought about this for a few minutes, but i don't know if my thoughts on it are particularly organized just yet, so forgive me in advance. also i speak only for myself here.  i've had the opposite change in perspective almost. as i've gone through the program i've found that the steps became increasingly important to me. i also don't think it can be compartmentalized all that much as the program was made to work in harmony with itself all of the things set forward are important to sobriety.   that being said, i like to believe as i've come through the program i've find myself less focused on my sobriety. i've really taken to the book in the idea of helping others. i am trying to reach my ideal where i can be selfless regardless of the fact that my original motive for that selflessness was selfish itself. that motive being sobriety and removal from the sick cycle of alcoholism. the only way i know to achieve the ideal i seek is to work the steps and continue to grow spiritually. my sobriety has become less in the forefront of my mind as i've gone through and had the obsession removed and gotten into working with others. however, if i'm to go by the book, which i typically do, i know that the removal of the obsession is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. so if i were to maintain my sobriety without the steps and the obsession were to return i'd imagine that it would get real tough real quick(not trying to insinuate that's what you're doing).  i'm also a big advocate of if it ain't broke don't fix it. i have seen so many statistics on alcoholism and recovery, but none of them make a difference to me. i don't have tangible proof of sobriety through social support, because i don't know what's going on with anyone outside of myself. that doesn't mean it's not true, but i have found a way of life through working the steps that has given me sobriety, happiness. and most importantly a purpose. i no longer actively detract from society. in fact i attempt to better it through working with others. the twelve steps have filled a hole in my life that i could never imagine would be filled.  it's strange to look back at the last few months and say, \"wow, my sobriety has not been in my mind nearly as much as helping someone else has. that is an incredible feeling for me, one i embrace. the only way i could get to that point is through the steps.  again only speaking for me. i know some people are really touchy about the enforcement of beliefs upon people, and that is not at all my goal. i simply wanted to give my input.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jzvtj", "comment_id": "1jzvtj"}, {"question": "i\u2019m 190 days sober and shits starting to get real....", "description": "after a 20+ year spree, during which my wife of 17 years and two teenage daughters have never seen me sober, i reached out for help. somewhere between my 3rd meeting and my 100th prayer, the obsession to drink was lifted! i was set free and started finding myself in the company of fellow aa\u2019s everyday of the week. at one month in, i found a great sponsor. i hit 90 in 90, grabbed a home group and two separate service commitments. (set up/coffee maker and group secretary).   my family life has improved including trust issues and intimacy  with my wife. recently though, my youngest daughter (age 13) has started manipulating and lying the way i used to.  my wife is being pushed to her limit because i did this same thing to her for our entire marriage. (we have separated several times in the past because of it). but all of my wife\u2019s anger is seemingly a combination of dealing with my bullshit for so long in addition to my daughter\u2019s new habit.   i talk to my daughter about the way lying will make you feel if you keep it up. but she has already started believing her own lies. even when caught red-handed. i\u2019m worried because that\u2019s how i started out. and by age 14, i was already experimenting with drugs and alcohol as an escape from my feelings.   but worse yet is my wife\u2019s situation. i understand where she is coming from but i\u2019m not really enjoying the fact that she is seemingly holding my past over my head. ugh....i feel ashamed for how i behaved but i\u2019ve learned that our past can be our greatest assets in the future if we can learn from, and change our behaviors.   i\u2019m currently working through steps 2&3, which are not really coming naturally to me to be honest. but i am willing to believe. i know that god (my hp) will see this through along side with me. i\u2019m just struggling to see how/when/etc....  patiently i will wait. i will be humble and i will trust that god will show me a way. \u201cthy will not mine be done\u201d", "answer": "glad to hear your wife is trying al-anon. as they talk a lot about in that fellowship, alcoholism is a disease that affects the entire family. i would really encourage you all to try family therapy as well, it's one of the biggest ways you will be able to help your daughter. your kids have lived their entire lives with you drinking, and your family has never existed before in sobriety. it's a monumental change for everyone and really worth getting outside help on.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "eytj6v", "comment_id": "eytj6v"}, {"question": "therapist invited me to his church and i don't know what to do", "description": "his intentions are good but it makes me kind of uncomfortable.  i'm an agnostic and haven't set foot in a church in years.  he knows this.  i don't know anyone that goes there except him and i have a professional relationship with him.  it seems like it would be awkward to see him in a different setting.  plus being in a strange new place with lots of people makes me anxious.  on the other hand he has gone out of his way to help me including spending all night with me at the hospital while waiting for a psych bed and he's been to my home twice now.  he's my crisis counselor and not my regular therapist and right now i'm under an outpatient court order that he could revoke at any time.  ugh, it's so complicated.", "answer": "this is probably unethical behavior on the crisis counselor's part, though well intentioned i'm sure.  it creates a dual relationship.", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "4icwxy", "comment_id": "4icwxy"}, {"question": "couples therapist wants to see only me now", "description": "my boyfriend \u201candrew\u201d and i (31m and 32f) recently started couples\u2019 counseling (last saturday). because of social distancing, our first session was on zoom. then the therapist said he\u2019d meet with us individually in the next week and then have us all come back together for another session following that.   my boyfriend and i have each had our individual sessions now, through zoom, of course, and yesterday i got an email from our therapist saying that he thinks it\u2019s best if he works only with me for the foreseeable future. i\u2019m super confused; i actually am seeing an individual therapist separately already, for childhood abuse, anxiety, and depression. we were starting to see this counselor to help our relationship, but if he meets only with me i feel that defeats the purpose. i told my partner and he doesn\u2019t seem too bothered by the therapist meeting only with me.   what would be a therapist\u2019s reasoning for meeting with only one partner and almost considering couple\u2019s counseling an afterthought? i\u2019m thinking either i must be causing all the problems \u2014 that can\u2019t be true, though \u2014 or there\u2019s some good reasoning in a therapist\u2019s training, or he\u2019s not a good therapist. does anyone have any opinions? thank you!", "answer": "there is no way to know for sure until you talk to him,  but i have some ideas. i seriously doubt it is anything negative about you.  if there is any abuse or control in the relationship,  dv-literate marriage therapists know not to see the couple until the abusive partner is engaged in dv work .  another possibility is that if your partner is dealing with something that is out of scope for the therapist - such as addiction,  for example,  the therapist may not be able to treat you as a couple .  in these cases,  it is common for the therapist to see only one person.  in these scenarios,  that is typically ethical practice .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggh5s5", "comment_id": "ggh5s5"}, {"question": "paranoia help?", "description": "i've recently been struggling with paranoid thoughts, for which i was hospitalized for my own safety. i do not feel suicidal anymore, however everyday is a long struggle of thinking everyone is an undercover agent out to get me or keep tabs on what i'm doing. i was hoping to hear some tips and stories if anyone else has dealt with similar thoughts and overcome them? or are they something i will have to deal with for the rest of my life? thanks in advance", "answer": "paranoid thoughts are scared thoughts, justified or not. if you ignore the specific content of the thoughts and focus on the emotional valence (scared), is there something you can do in those moments to feel safer?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6bsjuw", "comment_id": "6bsjuw"}, {"question": "posting one more time hoping for some help. discomfort during ejaculation, abdominal pain, and digestive problems. please help", "description": "age: 28  sex: male   smoke?: yes  height: 5'8\"  weight: 185 pounds  race: hispanic  duration of complaint: about 4 years  geographical location: new york city  location of issue: left side of pelvis slightly above hipbone. front.  existing relevant medical issues: ibs, anxiety, panic attacks, adhd  current medication: dexedrine 20mg daily taken if needed, clonazepam 0.75   so i have been having this medical issue for about three to four years and it has been seriously affecting my life. i have been suffering from abdominal pain for some time now. the pain is mainly located around the lower left of the abdomen. symptoms include bloating, abdominal pain, and a feeling like i don't have a full bowel movement when i go to the bathroom. \u00a0also, everytime i ejaculate i get a sense of discomfort on the lower left side of the abdomen. the more i ejaculate the more the the greater the discomfort. sometimes this discomfory radiate to my lower back on the left side. recently i also started noticing that sometimes when i urinate, there are traces of a white substance that resembles semen. this also happens when i have a bowel movement and i even notice some of that white substance in the stool.   went to the doctor about 2-3 years ago and have gotten an endoscopy and colonoscopy. the endoscopy showed that i had ibs, the colonoscopy came back perfect. i have also gotten sonograms, ct scan and mri test. only thing that came up on the mri is a left parapelvic cyst.  this has been affecting my social and dating life because i never feel like going out if i got that abdominal pain and feeling half constipated. i decided that this year i will get to the buttom of the issue and see what can be done about it because i cant see myself living like this. so i wanted to ask the doctors of reddit their opinion on the matter. could this be a gastrointestinal issue, an issue with my renal/prostate/sexual system, or could they both be related. what are your recommendation and what should i do?   i appreciate any advice and thanks in advance for taking your time to answer my post.    ", "answer": "this seems like a problem that really requires physical examination and/or imaging to solve. not much i can do through the internet i'm affraid.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b72h78", "comment_id": "b72h78"}, {"question": "metformin and hsg test", "description": "i take metformin twice a day and am scheduled to have an hsg test on wednesday. i know that you are not supposed to take metformin before having the test because it interferes with the dye. i asked my doctor if i should stop the metformin before the test and he said no. this sounds really weird to me. i have no issues with kidneys and no pass reactions with dyes. what are your experiences with this? should i call doctor again?", "answer": "are you talking about a hysterosalpingogram? i'm not a doctor but i did look at uptodate (a resource docs often use) and it doesn't say anything about needing to stop metformin. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3t01bh", "comment_id": "3t01bh"}, {"question": "daily check-in thread - october 18, 2018", "description": "welcome to the /r/quittingkratom daily check-in thread. feel free to post as many updates as you\u00b4d like :). you may also visit our new reddit chat room www.reddit.com/chat/r/quittingkratom.", "answer": "jesus christ i\u2019m glad you\u2019re done with it. i have oxys from a surgery and a ton of kratom here and i have zero interest in going near them. i can\u2019t wait to just throw all this shit out. day 3 has by far been the hardest. thanks for the words of encouragement! hope you are well now!", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9p6wys", "comment_id": "9p6wys"}, {"question": "my (m24) girlfriend (f24) wants to move in together but i'm not sure....", "description": "my girlfriend and i have been dating for just shy of 2 years at this point and our leases are over in november. she brought up the idea of moving across town and getting an apartment together but i am really not sure about it.  we have a great relationship, loving, supportive, really, truly, we click. the problem is that i really like having my space.   that's not to say i don't want to move in with her eventually but that wasn't in the plans for at least another year.  at what point in your relationship was it time to move in together? we're there signs? a certain amount of time together?   tldr: when is it time to move in together and when did you know? ", "answer": "after 2 years people are usually ready for the next step. you have to ask yourself what you really feel and want from this rel. and be honest with her if there's no future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b3xnq", "comment_id": "6b3xnq"}, {"question": "i celebrated 41 years of sobriety in aa on october 29th", "description": "i\u2019m so grateful to aa for having saved my life and for having given me a guide to living. i was 23 when i started my aa journey on 10/29/1978 and i\u2019m 64 now. i\u2019ve had such a rich life and if i had continued drinking i know my life would have been a complete waste.", "answer": "since joining aa i went to college and studied engineering, got married had kids and in my 50\u2019s changed careers to social work. after working in a substance abuse treatment center for 6 years i am now a psychotherapist. what a strange trip it\u2019s been.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dpv6n7", "comment_id": "dpv6n7"}, {"question": "job offer", "description": "i've been with a company in the field that i want to be in for seven months in an entry level $35k/yr. i've received accolades from my managers and many compliments from guests and even a raise about five months in. i received a call from my former employer yesterday and they offered me a position as a district manager. pay starting at 65k/yr but it's a place that i didn't like working for at all. very cutthroat and stressful, and my new role is the exact opposite. i feel like the only reason that i would take it is because of the money. i asked a couple people about it and one suggested that i'd be exceedingly good in the new role but possibly not exceedingly happy.    i feel like i'm in a good place of growth right now but i'm not sure which way to go. ", "answer": "you've answered your own question.  if you are happy with where you are and are not having money problems then why not stay and be happy?  personally i'd rather be happy with less money then stressed/unhappy with more money.  besides if your are unhappy all the time you won't be able to enjoy the money!  it is unfortunate that we all need money to live in this world but i know when you are old looking back, you want to look back on the happy life you had.  not the unhappy but prosperous life.  as you gain experience you will make more money eventually. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "48yb2g", "comment_id": "48yb2g"}, {"question": "what sort of professional should i seek out for suspected repressed memories?", "description": "hi r/mentalhealth,  for quite a while i have had an inkling that something awry happened to me when i was very young, which i repressed. i don't want to go into what i think might have happened or why i think so; please bear with me while i keep this vague.  i've been wrestling with depression for about six years now and every time i have an episode, the self-hating space that i'm in seems to be very much connected to the memories from childhood which in hindsight make me suspect repressed trauma.  anyway, i'm wondering what kind of doctor i should see. should i talk to just any psychologist referred through a free youth mental health service (i'm 21) or should i see someone practicing more formally and privately?  'see a shrink and find out whether you're messed up because of repressed trauma or not' has been on my to do list for years but this last bout of depression has convinced me that i need to address this now.  thanks so much for reading.", "answer": "i'd caution you about the idea of going to a therapist to search for repressed memories. memory isn't like a dvr, it doesn't play like a tape. it is influenced by the emotions at the time of memory encoding, by the emotions at the time of thinking about the memory, all the things we've learned and experienced since the memory, and all the past times we've talked about it. long story short- are memories are often not completely accurate depictions of the events they are about.   secondly, repressed memory therapy has a documented history of negative consequences. the major one being the fabrication of false memories (we can start to \"remember\" events that didn't happen as a result of suggestion.) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3nwzvn", "comment_id": "3nwzvn"}, {"question": "is religion and spirituality bad for my mental health?", "description": "i have been spiritual for 10  years now. however, as of recent i realize a lot of anxiety that i have is caused by my believe in 1) god 2) spirituality and 3) a soul. for the last 3 months i took a break from my studies and decided that i am going to read books that a secular in nature, and stay away from mysticism and overly philosophical books.  so i gotta ask you: to improve my mental health and foster mental fortitude, do you think i should drop my mythical pursuit because it cause anxiety and irrational fears?  i sent an email to my local lodge to become a freemason, and i am anxious they might hurt me or my family if i don't join. should i be worried?", "answer": "this may take regular work with a therapist to sort out . on one hand , you may reduce your anxiety by stepping away from your faith. at the same time , your anxiety could be transferred to something else,  or you may feel increased anxiety about the spiritual consequences of your choice.    hopefully you can talk to someone who can walk you through this to address the root of your anxiety.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gjzhwm", "comment_id": "gjzhwm"}, {"question": "has anyone gotten a tattoo here to signify their quitting?", "description": "i don't have any tattoos because i've never really had anything in my life that i wanted to put on my body, but i feel having the date i last drank on my body is important so i wanted to get some ideas for a tattoo, sooo post? thanks a lot", "answer": "yup. birthday-day i attempted suicide. which is not my sobriety date by the way, because that is something subject to change whereas the pain, misery, loneliness and all the rest of that day will never change. i got mine at about 7 months sober. i recommend thinking on it for a while before doing it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h0qz1", "comment_id": "1h0qz1"}, {"question": "what's a good meter for shared interests?", "description": "hi r/relationship_advice!   i've [f] been in a committed relationship with this guy [m, obviously] for a little over 6 months. we get along great, share a lot of values (most, if not all, of them? we're still exploring, but no foreseeable issues yet), are very committed to each other, and we stay in contact regularly. we're temporarily ld due to the end of the academic year and our different, far apart hometowns, but for what it's worth, things are going fine.      he's my first relationship (not counting one that lasted 3mo last march and in retrospect wasn't at all going to work out long-term), and i'm his second long-term relationship (he dated a girl for 8mo in high school, but realized it was going downhill pretty quickly and just took his time leaving for various reasons). he has mentioned multiple times that i'm leagues better than his first girlfriend, especially ideologically, which is good, and i know he's much, much better than my first boyfriend, too.      basically, we're doing fine, but because we're temporarily ld, my anxiety is acting up and i'm suddenly wondering if we're going to work out in the long run due to a kind of... lack? of shared interests. i know that's a big part of relationships, but due to our inexperience, i don't want to make all these plans together without fully comprehending just what a functional relationship needs. we both like similar tv shows, and are very into technology/science, as we are both attending the same technical school and getting degrees in 2 closely-related stem fields. we also have very similar senses of humor, and i know i, personally, am interested plenty in most of what he does (he's a bike mechanic, and while i don't know much about mechanic work or bikes, i find it super interesting and wish i knew more). all that to say, we have plenty of common ground to begin with... but i just don't know how much we need to have to get things to work, long-term. we're both looking to date for marriage, so it's not like we're leading one another on, but it's just really hard to judge.      all that to say, what has helped you guys? i know there's no catch-all for relationships, but i really want a direction to go because i do really enjoy his company and i believe a lot of the adults in my life with healthy marriages seem to have a good balance of shared interests and individual hobbies, but i just don't know what that ratio can/should be. advice, please? and thank you!", "answer": "i think shared interests is over-rated, except for folks who have a consuming interest that takes up lots of time. for the rest of us, doing hobbies/interests together is a tiny portion of life, time-wise. most time is spent in the kitchen, bedroom, with kids, and out to dinner. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6c12lw", "comment_id": "6c12lw"}, {"question": "i just feel so hopeless", "description": "i'm just having a really shitty night. i'm just miserable and i feel like there's no hope of happiness. i try to think about things that make me happy, but they aren't making me happier. i don't know what to do.", "answer": "you're having a really shitty night.  but tomorrow's another day.  for now, maybe have a cup of hot tea to soothe yourself and go to bed.  or take a hot shower and go to bed.  get some sleep.  i find when i'm well-rested, the whole world looks brighter.  you won't always be miserable, and there is always hope.  tomorrow, try thinking about (and doing) things that make you happy, and see how you feel then.  hang in there!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17h2v6", "comment_id": "17h2v6"}, {"question": "am i hallucinating?", "description": "i constantly hear music in my head and whenever i try to make it stop it just doesn't, it drives me insane because i'm constantly hearing either music or random talking in my head. i also see small bugs crawling for a few seconds and then they go away. i have really bad paranoia (especially at night), but my therapist says its caused by my anxiety.   i'll definitely bring this up with my therapist next time i see her, i just want to see if this is normal or not.", "answer": "any unwanted, persistent noises or things that you might see that aren't actually there are likely to fall in the category of a hallucination. paranioa can be a part of anxiety depending on what you are paranoid about. medication side effects can cause hallucinations depending on what you take.   i don't want to feed your current anxiety, so i'll also add that if you are self-aware enough to know these things aren't real, that is a good sign. it sounds as though it's really just bothersome rather than truly disturbing at this point, so keep in mind that this can be treated and, if it is a medication issue, fixed.   hang in there, and talk to your therapist and doctor as soon as you can, but don't stop any prescribed medications without being told by your doctor to do so. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6os3t8", "comment_id": "6os3t8"}, {"question": "accidentally told my long-time friend that i liked her. what do i do? [anonymous]", "description": "friends for 10 years, let's call her a, talking to another friend of mine, let's call her b. b was visiting a's house, and a takes b's phone without me knowing, during a conversation about my feelings for a. a acts as if it's b and doesn't read the above texts. i continue the previous conversation. i'm an idiot. b tells me later that it was a on the phone.   i don't know whether she likes me back or any of that stuff. what do i do?", "answer": "well, it's out there, so ask her how she feels.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u2sw8", "comment_id": "5u2sw8"}, {"question": "mmr vaccination taken 10 days before 12 months of age", "description": "i need to submit an immunization form for school and the lady at the desk wouldn't take my form because it is required to take the measles vaccination after 12 months of age and i got it early. is there any information i can use to force her to take it so i don't have to get an unneeded third shot?", "answer": "a smack round the head to encourage common sense, probably.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4z1j9i", "comment_id": "4z1j9i"}, {"question": "my toddlers suddenly started crying watching a video compilation of themselves and i'm confused.", "description": "the other day, my twin boys (3 y/o) were looking through pictures on my phone. somehow they accessed the iphone feature that creates a compilation of pictures and videos with music and pushed play. i wasn't really paying attention and they kept saying \"i want to go there.\" at the end of the video, one of my boys broke down crying. i freaked out thinking he hurt himself somehow. suddenly, my other son started angrily tensing up and then started crying too. i panicked having no clue why they were crying and just tried soothing them. after awhile they stopped so i started asking questions like \"where do you want to go?\" referring to what they were saying while watching the video, because the video featured us in multiple places. they just responded \"there.\" i then asked, \"are you sad because you were happy in the video but now you're not happy?\" they kind of nodded yes.   as a side note, our family is quarantine-ing save to go walks outside at the park, beach and on trails. my husband and i are both working full time at home so they've been watching a lot of tv, but we are still trying to give them as much attention as possible. they haven't seen their grandma (and primary caretaker when we're working) in a few days since we decided to fully self-isolate, and she wasn't in the video. honestly, they don't seem to understand or care for what's happening with the coronavirus situation so i don't believe this would influence their breakdown.", "answer": "what do you think is going on? what, specifically,  concerns you? lots of kids are having a rough time right now . change in routine,  stressed parents,  increase in screen time, etc are hard for kids who can't understand the global situation.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fpmg37", "comment_id": "fpmg37"}, {"question": "lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "hi \ud83d\udc4b ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well i\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction.  short intro, i\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. i didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once i had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 i stupidly had that first drink thinking i will be able to moderate now. a mistake we have all made i\u2019m guessing.  i now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends.  however i remember how great i felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how i dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness!  determined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. i know i can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this!  eek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "hi. im 5 weeks. it is getting easier and easier. i went for dinner last night with family and while i had a few urges to drink they passed quickly, and it was overall v enjoyable. how many days are you? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "how the hell can you improve at fighting games with depression", "description": "i have really bad depression and i just bought soul calibur vi. i was really excited and thought it would help but i've done many matches and only won 2 rounds. i keep getting swept. i take losing so personally that it crushes my spirit. i basically wanna cry after every loss because i feel so lame", "answer": "are you treating your depression? are you seeing a mental health professional?  your health should come first. if you have a severe illness, your performance in any task is going to be impacted.", "topic": "gfd", "post_id": "9qwq4w", "comment_id": "9qwq4w"}, {"question": "how to avoid hitting a brick wall immediately upon getting home for the day? i'm in tears because i just want to get some stuff accomplished at home and it feels impossible.", "description": "it doesn't matter what time it is, once i get home it's like my meds immediately wear off and i can't get anything accomplished even if it's something i desperately want to do. if i run errands after work or go out to do something fun, everything is great! i get stuff done and i feel good about myself.   but the minute i step through my front door, all bets are off. many days, it's a miracle for me to even make myself dinner, or even eat what i brought home with me.   my doctor has me taking a 30 mg vyvanse in the morning and another one in the early afternoon to try to combat this. it works great getting me through the end of my workday and any errands.   but like today...i forgot to take it at 12:30, and didn't remember until 2:30. which actually made me happy, because i have to get some projects done around my house and i figured it would finally last long enough to get me through until at least 9.  nope. i barely made it through making dinner, and i was dragging as i drove out to bring it to my boyfriend at work. once i got back home 30 minutes later, i ended up sitting in my car for another 30ish minutes before i found the motivation and energy to go upstairs. i ate a little piece of chicken and i'm trying to power through at least one of my projects, but i'm not really getting anywhere. it sucks and i'm in tears for the third night in a row. i want to stay productive at home too, not just at work! plus we have a roommate moving in next weekend, and her room is completely full of stuff that needs to be gotten rid of asap.   is this normal? how do you cope with it? i don't honestly know if it's my adhd or if there might be another culprit. i'm so frustrated and overwhelmed. ", "answer": "i am going through this exact struggle right now and was thinking about writing a post just like yours. i'm an early career professional, and in addition to my job, i'm trying to study for my licensing exam and make a little extra money with a side gig. neither of those things is getting done at all. i feel ambitious and excited to do these things throughout the day, but as soon as i get home the energy drains out of me and brain fog settles in.   i just recently started getting (pharmaceutical) treatment for the first time at age 29, so i'm still figuring out a lot of stuff.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "9bpgxm", "comment_id": "9bpgxm"}, {"question": "10 day progesterone- still no period?", "description": "so, i should have been diagnosed with pcos a long time ago but instead of put on bc for almost 10 years which masked all the symptoms. once i got off to ttc, to my surprise, no period for 7 months (since getting off) and now diagnosed with pcos. progesterone has been brutal to my system and am now done my pill and no period in sight! anyone put on progesterone to induce a period? or have any tips? im so discourage. i also just started metformin.", "answer": "i had the same thing and it turned out my estrogen was too low.", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "43c5t7", "comment_id": "43c5t7"}, {"question": "i have a dog. when i play with the dog, i sometimes pretend to be a dog. is this something i shouldn't mention to other people?", "description": "for example.. i'll play tug-of-war with my feisty little dachshund and, because i have the advantage of having hands, i easily best him every time. so then, to even the playing grounds, i sometimes instead bite part of the toy and it's much more fun. if anything, it's a little unsanitary.    things like this happen all the time. i always feel like i'm doing something differently than most people. it's easy to see that what i'm doing might not be fully socially acceptable but i always think that people will just reason with themselves that it's not actually an 'odd' thing to do, if you know what i mean. am i just weird?", "answer": "a little weird, but not incredibly taboo. share it with close friends, but not acquaintances or strangers.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ylurs", "comment_id": "ylurs"}, {"question": "what are the best responses to \"why you're so quiet\"?", "description": "or the even more obnoxious sarcastic remark, \"you're so loud/rowdy\"? ", "answer": "quiet rivers run deep.  passive aggressive: empty vessels make the most noise.  but honestly, it's all kind of bullshit. just cuz i'm quiet doesn't mean i have anything profound to say, and just cuz you're jabberin away doesn't mean you're an idiot. but maybe it'll get people to stop calling you out for it.   ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "t0kx9", "comment_id": "t0kx9"}, {"question": "girl jumps in bhopal shahpura lake with her laptop", "description": "last month,in april 2019,in bhopal city of madhya pradesh india,a body was recovered inside a tourist attraction,lake shahpura. she was recovered after 5 days of missing report being filed by her family.her laptop was also recovered along with her,that made it more suspecious for the people of that locality. upon intterogation with her family,it was discovered that she was in a bad mental state from last few days,but never disclosed anything upon asking,she had cutoff from her friends and also was not eating food from last few days.she never left her laptop during this time and used to stare at it for hours at a singke sitting. upon asking in her locality,no one had any clue about this.she was a ranker in her college and always topped in her class. also from last few days,there are reports of sighting of a strange figure that looks like a girl using her computer in different localities of bhopal,most sightings reported near mp nagar,shahpura,kolar road and ashoka garden,there are talks about that being a ghost of that girl.sightings are increasing daily and more reports have started to come in.some people who reported multiple sightings, mentioned that they usually see her on the first floor of buildings specially balcony and doors who had openings outside buildings but on first floor only. these facts were confirmed by other people who reported this sightings. some people are reported to suffer through a trauma because of this and others have stopped leaving their house after 12 in night,the time during which she is usually sighted. the cause of her suicide still remains a mystery as there is no statement to support this fact.and as the days are passing by,the ghost with a computer us becoming a prevelent belief in those areas,even some police officials have also confirmed to have sighted such figures,it it turns into a doll if observed very closely.in some reports it also disappered in just a blink. no reports have came up to confirm any losses or harmful actions of that ghost.but the people who suffered)suffering from the trauma,explained that she tried to explain some things to them through her hands and others say that they usually see her in her dreams during their sleep in the morning. i hope this mystery soon solves.", "answer": "so she committed suicide and a lot of people believe they see her ghost?   believing in spirits is culturally-sanctioned in india, right? so what is the mystery?", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "bl42uk", "comment_id": "bl42uk"}, {"question": "back pain making stomach hurt?", "description": "anyone ever experience such bad back pain it makes your stomach hurt?  dealing with that soooo bad right now but i\u2019m on vacation and i would like it to go away, especially since i don\u2019t have much time to just lie down.  i also woke up in the middle of the night *~feeling weird~* so i\u2019m exhausted.  any remedies?", "answer": "ugh, i definitely get this sometimes! using a heating pad on my back and/or stomach helps. also this sometimes happens to me when i'm constipated! deep breaths, remember it will pass!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "9gtun9", "comment_id": "9gtun9"}, {"question": "i'm empty", "description": "until now, i've been trying my hardest to help as many people as i can here on this subreddit and in real life. as someone who, like most of you, is depressed, i've only wanted happiness. not for myself, but for others. for the past 4 years, i've wanted nothing else but to make people smile from the bottoms of their hearts. despite my own shit, i just want to help out others. until recently, this has been the last thing in my life that gave me any reason to keep going and the only ounce of motivation i've had. now, for no discernible reason (as of yet), it's been drained out of me. i still want to see others be happy, but i can't help anymore.  soon enough, i'll be gone. i can bear the pain, but not the damage i've done and am doing to those around me. i'm only going to hurt those of you near me. i wish only the best to all of you, nonetheless. i'm just unable to fulfill this wish.  i guess the bottom line is: i'm sorry. i'm sorry to those of you i've befriended so far. i'm sorry to those of you who need someone who cares. i'm sorry. i'm truly, deeply sorry. i'm not good enough anymore. i'm sorry.", "answer": "i don't know you tetri, as i am new here.  i'm so very sorry that you are hurting right now.  it sounds painful to endure.  i don't think you are stupid or weak.  posting what you did took courage.  thank you for sharing yourself with us.  i wish you the best, and will be thinking of you.  i hope that you feel better as much as you can.  if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yessq", "comment_id": "yessq"}, {"question": "i don't know if this is quite the right place for this, but how mad/upset/irritated would you be if a patient emailed you?", "description": "i would like to email my psychiatrist some of my thoughts but i don't know if this would upset her at all. i'm kind of having several breakdowns in rapid succession and i could use some professional help, but it's late at night so i can't call anyone.  18/m/usa", "answer": "if its urgent, just get yourself to a hospital rather than emailing your psychiatrist. at least you can talk to someone quickly.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "549p7r", "comment_id": "549p7r"}, {"question": "oxycodone taper", "description": "in december i was prescribed oxycodone to treat my herniated and bulging discs. the first two months i took between 7.5-15mg once daily every other day. the past 3 months i have taken 10-15mg daily. i\u2019ve been taking the meds for the past 5 months and would like to taper off. i can see myself becoming addicted and do not want that to happen. the past 5 days i have only taken 7.5mg once daily and have not noticed any adverse effects. i am quite active and eat fairly healthy. what would a good taper schedule look like to get off the oxy completely? i am trying to avoid acute withdrawal symptoms and remain available to assist my wife with our 3 children. ", "answer": "the only limiting factor is your comfort. you could try stopping cold turkey and it might be fine. i\u2019d recommend decreasing by the lowest practical amount, which depends on what pull size you have and how easy to cut it is, and doing so weekly or so.  withdrawal, particularly from a fairly low daily dose, is likely to be mild if it happens and even severe opioid withdrawal is miserable rather than dangerous, so you can go more aggressively if you want and ease off if you find yourself feeling sick.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8i6jxn", "comment_id": "8i6jxn"}, {"question": "sobriety didn't fix much, and i miss the days when i was still drinking", "description": "disclaimer: kind of a self-pitying rant, sorry about that.   i've been seeing these uplifting posts from people who have been sober for a few months or years with before and after pictures where they look happier and healthier. they write about things having turned around because of sobriety (good on you, by the way, it's honestly inspirational for me). so i tried to find a \"before\" picture where i looked beat down or tired and unhappy, to compare, because i haven't felt that way myself. but in all my drunk photos i look beaming, and in all my hungover photos i'm tired but happy and i'm with (pseudo)friends. i look at the pictures that have been taken of me since, and i look sad and tired, even in the ones i'm smiling in.  quick sidenote: i probably look fine in drunk and hungover pictures because of makeup and a tendency to forget to eat, i bet without the makeup i'd look pretty haggard.   since i quit drinking i've had to face that i'm friendless and incapable of functioning like a normal adult. when i quit drinking i wasn't magically suddenly able to go grocery shopping, organize my things, go to work, or keep up with my study like i thought i would. i've been diagnosed with add, and of course i wouldn't have been able to figure that out, or work on it, if i was drinking.   life is a lot of work. and with add, i've realized, it's gonna be even harder for me than someone with a proper brain. when life and functioning seems impossible even when sober, it should show me that drinking is probably the worst thing i could do. but not drinking hasn't been a magic fix; not drinking has just turned out to be a necessary prerequisite to be able to work on anything else. drinking would leave me drained and unable to see the bigger picture, and if it takes me years of sobriety and add medication and therapy before things start looking up, i'm only postponing that success by drinking. in the early days of sobriety, or before, when i took \"breaks\", telling myself that \"at least i'm not drinking\" helped me feel better. now i know that being sober is not enough, and my confidence in my own abilities are at an all-time low, and it's going to take a long time and a lot of work before i'm in a better place, and i miss being able to distract myself with pseudo-friends and alcohol. i miss that pretense of a social life, and i feel incredibly lonely now that i quite literally have no friends (i've moved around a lot).  sobriety is, for me, an investment in my future, but it feels like a humongous sacrifice these days.  __tldr: sobriety makes me face things drinking helped me bury, sobriety hasn't made me happier, and i now feel like i can't really do life.__  edit: i've been reading and rereading all of these replies for a while now. i guess i'm in a dark place and that's when i usually drink the most. i was on the verge of being genuinely convinced that getting drunk would solve my problem (hah). thanks for a reminder of the bigger perspective in a time where i'm not really able to conjure it up myself - this sub is probably a literal lifesaver. won't be drinking with you tonight.", "answer": "first of all, please stick with it because while removal of alcohol doesn't make things better it removes a major roadblock from our ability to make things better.  second, i've got a story that i always bring up when people quit drinking but things seem to not get better.  so this guy comes to speak at a treatment facility and he's standing up on a stage in front of all the patients and he says, \"alright, we're gonna 'make' an alcoholic in a test tube. what do i put into this test tube to 'make' an alcoholic?\" it's silent for a few seconds and then someone from the back yells, \"anger!\" and then another yells \"fear!\" and another says \"resentment!\" and this goes on for a few minutes \"divorce!\" \"homelessness!\" \"sadness!\" \"unemployment!\" etc. after about ten minutes of people in the crowd yelling out the things that 'make' an alcoholic it's clear that the speaker is still looking for one more piece. the crowd is stumped. members of the crowd are looking around racking their brains trying to figure out what it is that they missed. after a few minutes of silence the speaker says, \"booze. booze is what we're missing.\"  the whole point is that if we were to 'make' person with a substance use problem we'd include so much more than just alcohol. which means that when we remove alcohol from that person's life the only thing we've taken out of that equation is their main method for dealing with those other parts of their life. in the twelve step programs they talk about the removal of substance being \"but a beginning\".  i wanna say congratulations for coming as far as you have because it's not easy. i also want you to know that the feelings you're having are incredibly real and actually fairly common! you are not alone. now is your chance to continue from your beginning and start moving toward the life you want.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5p3tz6", "comment_id": "5p3tz6"}, {"question": "how do you know your medicine is working?", "description": "i have rapid cycling bipolar disorder and i'm on abilify 15mg. i started at 5mg and have been working my way up but don't want to keep increasing my dosage if it is not working. i do seem to be happier and the have my moments where i am feeling depressed and anxious and just don't know if the medicine is working.   how does anyone know if your medicine is working as it should?", "answer": "i'd say to stop paying so much attention to it and keep taking it.  a lot of people think they should feel a slight buzz or some side effects so they know it's working.    if it's working exactly the way it's supposed to, it won't feel like you've taken anything at all, but your mood swings will be less severe, and episodes hopefully fewer, farther between, and less severe.    a huge problem for people with psychotic and mood disorders is that when their meds are working perfectly, they think \"oh!  i've been doing good for a while now.  i don't think i need these pills anymore.  they don't even feel like they do anything.\"  when one of the biggest reasons they've been doing well is in fact the medication.    [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6ucoi1", "comment_id": "6ucoi1"}, {"question": "i can\u2019t donate blood again, because i am o- and i received a shot for my baby being o+. why is that?", "description": "30, female. i was told i couldn\u2019t never donate again, despite having o- blood, because i received a shot for my baby being o+. never can donate again.    why is this?", "answer": "i'm not a blood banker, but i've never heard of that restriction. where did you hear it?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "clrzgb", "comment_id": "clrzgb"}, {"question": "is it okay to be a quiet person?", "description": "i\u2019m 24f and mostly thinking of this because i\u2019ve started grad school and i\u2019m being put into more social situations. i used to be the grumpy i hate talking to people type, but i dealt with some mental illness issues and after addressing those and working customer service my demeanor has changed, but i still have a hard time being the talkative type.    i\u2019m very self conscious of my quietness. i went to a meeting with some of my peers and two of the girls dominated the conversation. i had to interrupt to get a word in edgewise and i felt bad because i was mostly insecure for just listening and what i had to say was mostly awkward and forced. but that\u2019s the thing- i just like listening. recently an event put my demeanor in perspective. i was with my bf and his uncle who he never sees. his uncle is a successful man with great stories and my bf holds a conversation very well. for the duration of two hours i just listened. i was self conscious at the time but my bf later said that his uncle thought it was nice i let them carry out their personal conversation while being interested and just listening to their anecdotes. i don\u2019t know if that sounds bad, but i had nothing to say. i was merely enjoying their stories.   his dad also commented that he likes people who don\u2019t try to commands conversations and are observant. is this true? a lot of obnoxiously extroverted people have made me feel very uncomfortable for being quiet. some people are very understanding and talk to me one-on-one, which is a setting i thrive in. that\u2019s when i can open up. i don\u2019t have a mean face and when people tell jokes i always laugh or smile and offer reinforcment that they seem to appreciate. but i mostly keep to myself.   is this \u201cokay\u201d? should i try to change this? i know it\u2019s subjective but i get in my head about it a lot. i don\u2019t think i have the confidence to possibly accept (or defend) this part of myself. ", "answer": "check out this book by susan cain.  i think you'll get a lot out of it.  i think the title itself probably speaks to your experience.     quiet:  the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97febe", "comment_id": "97febe"}, {"question": "[23/m] don't know if it is love with my girlfriend [20/f] and this is really hunting me down.", "description": "hi all, i came from 4 year of no relationships or every form of sex with anyone because of my insecurities and closeness in myself. with time i started to feel nothing for anyone in loving/attraction terms, and my insecurities in general grew up exponentially to the point that i could no more understand myself in almost any way. i have lots of problem of commitment even with my passions.  then i met this girl during the last ear. she lives far from my place (almost 6 hours of travel). i didn't liked her, she really wasn't my type of girl i usually were attracted to: she was pretty chubby, talked with a strange accent and overall i didn't really liked her. we talked just for few minutes, maybe one hour in total in two days, nothing more. she was very nice and i felt similar to her for some reason, i thought she was cute and a sad person inside, for some reason again i felt like i really wanted to help her out of her difficult work situation and encourage her to follow her dreams.  but nothing more, i felt just that, there weren't attraction, no love at first sight, no butterflies in my stomach, i just felt closeness and friendship feelings.  she came home and then she started chatting with me. she wrote me everyday and the conversation basically never stopped. i understood she felt something for me and i was about to tell her not to waste time, because we could be good friends but nothing more.  then maybe i hesitated too much, i don't know, but we really had a great complicity, we were really similar in sense of humor (very rare to me to find a girl with my nosense humor), we were really enjoying our time chatting. i started to feel something for her, while i was forgetting her physical image. and one day i called her and told her my feelings, which she told they were the same towards me.  the thing gone on for some months, and then i went host to her home. i was really confused and torn about my feelings and needs: i knew i didn't like her as a girl, but i really felt closeness to her as a person. we had sex, the atmosphere was so strange, and romantic, and loving. but i was feeling so guilty for having sex with her knowing that i wouldn't want to bring on the relationship that i didn't enjoy a single second of it.  i didn't want to let her feel used by me, so i didn't say anything and we acted like a couple in those days and then we decided to stay together. after little time i told her of my insecurities about the relationship (not about her) and that i wanted to take a break. but i still felt torned and couldn't decide myself, so at the end we met, talked, and i was so confused i couldn't still decide, and she was so loving, caring and comprehensive that i felt like i really really was taking a stupid decision to leave her. goddamn, she was fantastic! than while headed to home, she called me and we talked really happily and decided to met again in the next weekend.  we met, and we got together again. those days we were very happy and both of us had the greatest love nights of our lifes (she ad lots more sex experiences than me. i just had one girlfriend before and no \"adventures\").  the time passed and we are together from five months now, but yet i still can't decide what the fuck am i feeling. she is more and more in love, and i too feel a lot of attachment, but at the same time i'm insecure, i'm scared to think i could pass all my life only with her, and i know that even if now i think (not joking or lying to myself) she is beautiful and a really really special person, i feel like there are girls more attractive than her.  but still, here is the thing: i feel something deep for her, we hug and kiss a lot, i like to talk to her, i like to go out and see places with her, i like to do everything with her even just a walk or go to the cinema is pretty special, something that is not the same with any of my friends. and even if i know she is not the classic hot girl out there, i think she is beautiful, special and sweet. and again, sex with her is awesome.  but again, i'm not secure i'm ready to bring on this relationship, i don't know if i just can't let myself commit to the relationship or if i just see her as a friend, and in the meantime she is crazy in love with me and i feel shame and guilt for all my thoughts and insecurities. i don't fucking want to hurt her, i don't fucking know if i love her and if i will ever love another girl like her, and i don't know what to do.  help.  -----------------  tl;dr:   - general fear of commitment (even for my passions like music etc);   - met a girl i didn't like aesthetically;   - had sex, began relationship;   - feel strong feelings, really enjoy time together, but not sure if it is love or friendship.", "answer": "if you're not in love by now, it's friendship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6v52o3", "comment_id": "6v52o3"}, {"question": "i [25f] would like to join a dating service but past bad experiences scare me and i could use some advice.", "description": "i'm 25 and single. i have a full time job and am often busy, but i'd really like to meet someone. i haven't been on a date in a long time. i live in an area where there isn't much to do. i do not like bars. so i've began to consider meeting someone online.   i've tried in the past and had some things happen.  tinder is a hookup app. even though i stated in my bio that i was looking for casual dating, and even though i warned all new matches that i was not there for sex....everyone really only wanted sex. so no tinder.   i then tried okcupid.  on okcupid, i got a lot of messages from guys who didn't seem like people i would or should match with. if i did respond but there was no connection, i was accused of leading them on. if i didn't respond they'd become irate.  i got a lot of rude messages, and also a lot of nice ones and even went on a date with a friendly guy, but the negativity ended up outweighing the positive aspects.  i wasn't sure what to do and left okc.  are paid services better? should i just try again and ignore the yelling? should i not even bother going the online route?", "answer": "online dating sites are great because never before in human history have men and women been able to talk to so many prospective suitors from the convenience of their home. it's a huge statistical advantage compared to past generations. the key word here is 'statistical'.  it doesn't matter how many jerks message you online. [there are jerks everywhere as you know.] because it only takes one good person to make your life better. just stay with the process, go slow, be safe, and always meet the first time for coffee in the daytime.   meetup.com for social/recreational activity is good too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6my69v", "comment_id": "6my69v"}, {"question": "what is the difference between a boundary and rejection?", "description": "as someone who has dealt with a lot of rejection throughout my life, i have a hard time knowing the difference.  in some cases, i can distinguish the difference, like say, if i offer a friend a drink and they say no thanks, i'm driving.  that, i wouldn't take as rejection.  that's his boundary and choice to not drink.  or if i'm talking about something and someone says, \"this topic makes me uncomfortable.\"  i wouldn't take that personally either, although i'd become very anxious that i potentially hurt that person.  but maybe in an example like my girlfriends getting tired of my panic attacks.  is that a boundary or is that a rejection?  or if say, my friends are always around when it's fun and i'm in a good mood, but if i'm going through something and need to talk, they aren't there.  is that a boundaries, or is that them rejecting me?  it's really hard for me to tell in a lot of situations, especially when something i say or do is at the center of the issue.", "answer": "a boundary is an individual 's assertion of their own needs, a rejection is reflection of their feelings about you.   i think this is an excellent question because the two are very different.  example: let's say you accidentally step on a person's toe. the person may say \"excuse me , you are stepping on my toe.\" that is a boundary.  now, if you recognize that is a boundary,  you may apologize and step back a little to get off their toe.  however,  if instead,  you feel rejected,  you may behave differently.   \"no, i'm not stepping on your toe.\"  \"you are too sensitive,  stop being a big baby , it is just a tap. i'm hardly stepping on it.\"  \"i can step on your toes if i want to! who are you to tell me where to put my feet?\"  \"i wouldn't have to step on your toes if your feet weren't always in my way.\"  of course,  if you continue to function in this way , eventually,  the person may decide that having their boundaries crossed is unbearable and they may decide to reject you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hqa5h1", "comment_id": "hqa5h1"}, {"question": "questioning marriage and some friendships because of past drinking...", "description": "has anyone ever questioned the \"validity\" of your relationships as they are when drinking is not involved? been married a year and a half. my husband proposed to me after a mild night of drinking. our early to mid 20s were filled with drinking and the only way i'm able to be open with him is with alcohol. our honeymoon was tropical and yet sort of fuzzy because of the drinking. this goes for the same with some friends. i seem to only have a common thread with them when drinking, \"meaningful\" conversations are held with drinking yet outside of drinking the relationship lacks. i'm starting to question the meaning of any of these types of relationships (including my marriage) now that i've started to stop drinking. lots of anxiety over this if i think too much about it.... ugh. these thoughts have come up in their past, but i just ignored them. but now, not so much.", "answer": "i'm gonna go against the grain here and recommend you seek some outside help around the major. i don't think getting sober and working on your marriage are mutually exclusive. in fact i think ignoring one can lead to trouble with the other.  one of the reasons divorce rates are so high when one person gets sober is because it fundamentally changes the dynamics of the relationship even if the person that doesn't quit drinking has no issue with alcohol. there needs to be in-depth conversations about the fact that the relationship is now altered. i'm currently pursuing a masters in couples and family therapy so i'll claim that bias, but i think if you don't engage in a conversation about the nature of the relationship being different then chances are that the person that hasn't quit will continue treating the relationship as though it is the same which will either make the relationship unbearable or it will make not drinking unbearable for the other partner.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5ucmbg", "comment_id": "5ucmbg"}, {"question": "when is hospice brought into a nursing home?", "description": "my dad is 71 male and has lived in a nursing home for the last 12 years.  he had a brain aneurysm (subarachnoid hemorrhage) and has been in a wheel chair and on a feeding tube ever since. 2 weeks ago he ended up in the icu due to a c diff infection and almost didn\u2019t survive. he had kidney failure, respiratory failure, very low blood pressure, and was unresponsive. he recovered from that and went back to the nursing home 4 days ago resuming his blood pressure medication and treatment for low sodium. now the nursing home is having hospice come in.  when i asked his wife why, she told me that hospice is just coming in to help take care of him and to make sure he doesn\u2019t get sick like that again. i\u2019ve always heard and read that hospice comes in when the person has 6 months or less left to live.  which is correct?", "answer": "hospice and palliative care are frequently confused. hospice requires a prognosis of six months or less, but palliative care only requires that there is suffering to alleviate.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "eetwpw", "comment_id": "eetwpw"}, {"question": "unrealistic expectations.", "description": "having an outcome today that is not what i had hoped for.    not getting what i want.     when i want it.    on the silver platter i secretly crave/think i somehow deserve.    served by naked handmaidens....    (am i an addict or what?)  truth is this is not a big thing, really quite minor, my glass is still 95% full, and i am aware of my feelings and am not letting this get to me.  one way of doing that is telling on myself.  they say expectations are resentments waiting to hatch.   not this time.", "answer": "my expectations are soon to become my frustrations. we had this topic wednesday night at the homegroup on not getting the outcomes you want or expect. i know you're an aa guy as well so you can definitely find comfort in the fact that your higher power has the right thing in store for your future. just gotta strap in for the ride of your life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hp9vn", "comment_id": "1hp9vn"}, {"question": "[i'm not sure]? what to do if a class you play isn't in other games?", "description": "okay, this is a weird thing, but it's become a very prominent issue for me with the games i play or have been wanting to play. i played wow a lot, and dnd a lot, and they have a lot of classes and a lot of playstyles to choose from, and that's all fantastic, but i have an issue when it comes to dark souls and dragon age and skyrim, specifically.  in dark souls there's no such thing as a summon spell, and you can't reliably be a rogue or archer without getting your ass handed to you a dozen times over. spellcasting was also restricted to the number of times you could cast it before resting at a bonfire before they reintroduced the mana bar from demon's souls. dual-wielding is a mess in every game except dark souls 2, as well...  in dragon age, you're basically restricted to the traditional 3 classes, which is... a whole thing in itself. there's not an actual paladin or mage knight, there's no true necromancer or summoner, stuff like that.  and in skyrim, it's very clunky to play a true hybrid class without sacrificing something in combat. so you'd have your sword and shield out one second, but you need to heal, desperately. but by the time you manage to switch to your healing spell, you get smacked in the face by an axe. and playing a necromancer is beyond frustrating because you need actual corpses before you can make thralls. i appreciate the realism of that, but it's kind of annoying.  i mean... i don't know what i like to play as a class, but i generally play some sort of mage knight or something along those lines. so when it came to dragon age, i felt very confused because i like to play both halves of the mage knight equally, and i don't like playing either of them that much separately. and when it came to dark souls, i dividing up my stats was just a frustrating endeavor, and i dunno... and then skyrim's all clunky and whatever... i dunno.  wow doesn't have a traditional mage knight, now that i think about it. i mean, there's no room for one anymore, i suppose, with the existence of the shaman, paladin, and death knights.  i dunno, how do you guys deal with an rpg that doesn't have a class you're used to?", "answer": "skyrim has a great perk overhaul mod called ordinator, it's available on both classic and sse (and easily downloadable from bethesda.net if you haven't gotten into modding before).  it adds a ton of new options, and lends itself really well to playing different \"classes\". you can be a necromancer that actually collects bones and starts a skeleton army. you can be a sneaky rogue that lays tripwires and traps for people. and there are even perks that buff characters that have a spell in one hand and a sword in another.  the same author also makes a spell mod called apocalypse that plays really well with it, adds a big variety of spells, like more \"offensive\" restoration spells that really help if you're playing the paladin type.", "topic": "gfd", "post_id": "6ri2ji", "comment_id": "6ri2ji"}, {"question": "is it appropriate to ask what a therapists (non)religious beliefs are before booking an appointment?", "description": "i have never been to therapy.  i know i need it.  forgive my ignorance, i\u2019ve never been to this sub before either.   i was raised and manipulated by the southern evangelical church for my entire life until i left without a word 8 months ago.  i have heard of so called \u201cchristian therapy\u201d but i know not all therapists incorporate their religious beliefs into their practice.    i guess i\u2019m technically an agnostic now but im moving toward secular humanist / atheist. very much still in the anti religion phase of de-conversion.  my issue is i don\u2019t even want to see a therapist if they believe in any religion. not if they incorporate it into the practice or not, i mean i don\u2019t even want to waste our time by making an appointment with a therapist that goes to church on sundays, has a cross hanging on their wall at home, or will give 10% of the money they make from my session to a church.      is this an appropriate ask? how would i go about this?", "answer": "any good therapist will be able to separate out their own religious/spiritual beliefs from their view of you and how they work to help you.  it sounds like you understand that though.  there are plenty of awful therapists out there who incorporate too much of their religious views/spirituality whether it be more traditional judeo-christian beliefs or alt-medicine pseudoscience stuff (one of my supervisees simply refers to it as \"woo\").     while it never guarantees a good therapist, you've probably got a better chance of not encountering one of these types of bad therapists if you find someone who identifies similarly as you do.     it's never inappropriate to ask for what you want in a therapist.  if you're going to a larger agency, it might not be a guarantee they have somebody that matches your preference or even that they end up assigning you to somebody with your preference, but you always have the right to ask.  if you're able, your best bet is finding someone in private practice and asking some of these questions in the initial phone call before your first appointment.     to play devil's advocate though, i bet it would be extremely helpful and healing (albeit very difficult) for you to work with a good therapist who does belong to a religion you're prejudiced against.    for this very reason, as a therapist, i'm taking a big training on hypnosis.  i'd put this in the woo category of therapies.  i don't believe it's very useful and am skeptical about the research surrounding it, but that's specifically why i'm taking the training.  i could go to all the existential therapy/sfbt/mi/cbt workshops i could find that will just tell me what i want to hear, reinforce what i'm doing is good, and i'll feel good but gain very little in the ways of new knowledge.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ce38u2", "comment_id": "ce38u2"}, {"question": "how do you bundle a cat that won\u2019t lay down for you?", "description": "i need to clean my cat\u2019s ears but, of course, she wont have it.   i\u2019ve tried associating it with treats, i\u2019ve tried giving her catnip to help her relax while i do it, nothing is making it easier.   i cant even bundle her because she wont lay down long enough to do it correctly and she always ends getting out before i get to the first ear! if i could just figure out how to bundle her without her laying down i feel like i could finally handle this", "answer": "i usually put them on a higher surface that i can stand behind them. i put a towel over their back and start wrapping/holding just above the front legs on the chest. this way they can still stand if they are uncomfortable with being held off their feet. i can then hold the towel in place with my arm while i hold the chin/face with that hand and other hand gently cleans. if you have someone to help even better. give treats and cuddles during. or use that wet food treat to distract as well.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "hslkel", "comment_id": "hslkel"}, {"question": "[22/m] should i stay, or should i go?", "description": "i've been dating this girl for over two years now, we had a few incidents in the past, where she was sent another man her nudes, she blamed it me on not giving her enough attention and i was a low life for losing my job,   and not having enough money, so i was out of work for 6 month living off government contributions and money off family and credit card,  she is 19, never had a job in her life, she blames her mental illness, i try to be understanding and help her because she can have episodes where she loves me one second and the next she 100% hates me and can get violent,   lately shes been weird as she has been doing it constantly, she loves me all day when i head off to work, she says i make her angry don't like me and don't want to be with me a few hours later she messages me saying she loves me shes sorry for saying all the horrible things and wants me and wants to marry me.  but it been happening every day for the past week, i love her, i think of her as my world i would do anything for her, but lately it feels like she don't love me as much, i don't know what to do as i do love her, but its not healthy, she wants me to tell her everything im doing and got planned, she complains if i mention anything that cost money, even though im the one who works 170 hours a month to be able to afford stuff for us.  i just feel like im at a breaking point, i got things i want in my life, i want her but she don't want me to do them, getting a motorcycle, buying a gym membership going out with friends for a drink, i'm starting to feel like a prisoner all i can do is work, go home and spend time with her  im not allowed any kind of social life or anything that benefits me,  im getting to a point where i want to leave but i can't bring myself to do that....", "answer": "at some point, do you plan to add any reasons why you might want to stay in this relationship? 'cause so far, this seems like a pretty silly question...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3cktvd", "comment_id": "3cktvd"}, {"question": "warning about 7 cups. they may do more harm than good. send people to crisis text line instead.", "description": "survivor of sexual assault here. 7 cups is a shady organization that i would not recommend. after i disclosed my trauma, the volunteer who matched with me talked about what sex he likes and asked me about my porn preferences. he seemed to honestly believe that he's helping.   i was in full blown trauma, and this asshat uses that as an invitation for a graphic sexual conversation, and pretends that that will cure me.   i tried to report him, but no there was no such function in the app. i tried to post about it in their subreddit, but it said i'm not allowed to post there.   they are closed off to feedback from people who have been harmed by trusting their service.  they are trying to extract money by up-selling people to talk to real therapists. so it's in their interest to be shitty when you're not paying.   crisis text line, on the other hand, background checks their volunteers and puts them through 30 hours of mandatory training before they are allowed to talk to anyone. and it's a legitimate non-profit. i learned my lesson and will talk with someone at crisistextline in the future instead of a shady for-profit startup.", "answer": "7 cups not only sounds like a bad porno, but it also scares the crap out of me in terms of what its trying to achieve.  i just cant see how it can clearly manage any acute mental health risk. the volunteers might as well be lay people, but people using the service have a higher likelihood to have complex interpersonal needs secondary to trauma.  if theres a lesson for all - and stating the obvious - stick to regulated services who can be accountable for its actions. in the uk it would be the nhs and some mental health charities, who provide various trauma-focussed care and treatment and support, with appropriately qualified individuals.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "gt4bk3", "comment_id": "gt4bk3"}, {"question": "do illegal drugs fall under doctor-patient confidentiality?", "description": "20 years old, female, 173 cm, 210 lbs, south asian (sri lankan); bipolar ii, depression, anxiety, hypothyroidism  ​  hi! i have a midterm tomorrow and so the last 3-4 days i did whatever possible to keep myself alert and awake. and so, in the span of 24 hours i unintentionally took 100 mg lamotrigine, 100 mg apo gabopentin, 125 mg synthroid, 800 mg of caffeine (pill form) and 60 mg of adderall xr; which obviously isn't ideal. i had some adverse effects (nausea, dizziness, headaches, chest pain that lasted hours) and i'm supposed to be seeing my psychiatrist in a few days. i want to be open about what happened but i also  want to make sure this isn't going to be reported to anyone and it isn't going to get me into trouble. thank you!", "answer": "any medications or drugs you take, whether prescribed, unprescribed, or illegal, are confidential (at least in the us; other countries can have their own laws).  unlike what most people here are saying, i disagree that intentional overdose allows breach of confidence. the difference is that if you are still suicidal, you might be hospitalized, and while hospitalization is also confidential, it's often hard to conceal. but the reasons and specifics are still between you and the treating team.  in any case, that doesn't sound like what happened here. tell your psychiatrist, and he or she does not report you to a university or to legal authorities.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "auggxt", "comment_id": "auggxt"}, {"question": "does radiation exposure from ct scans damage dna cells 100% of the time?", "description": "i keep reading mutated damaged dna leads to cancer but does that mean if you had a ct scan you have a 100% chance of getting cancer in the future because of the damaged dna? does radiation exposure in large amounts from ct scan damage dna at all times? i'm confused by the wording, make me believe if you had any radiation exposure you're bound to have cancer eventually. ", "answer": "if any dna damage caused cancer we would die after exposure to sunlight, because that's exactly what ultraviolet light does.  in fact, due to the loss of critical dna repair mechanisms, that's among the problems that occur in [xeroderma pigmentosum](WEBLINK).  ​", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9j6mzh", "comment_id": "9j6mzh"}, {"question": "how do i(33m) tell my gf(29f) to get her s*** together?", "description": "my gf and her 3 kids started staying with me and my two kids about 2 months ago. we have been together for 10 months.   she hasn't offered any money for the bills. she tells me that shit will and sometimes she has given me money, only to ask for it back because she needs it. she's financially irresponsible. i've given her money for things she needs.  when she don't have the kids, i'm at work, and she's off, she drives around visiting friends that are 30-45 minutes away all the time. she goes out to eat, she goes and has drinks, and just other stupid things.  she has things that she needs to take care of but she doesn't. her phone has been broke for a couple of months. she can only text. so when daycare or school calls her she can't answer. she needs to find some papers so she can finish filing her taxes. get her license unsuspended, and get her divorce from her ex started.  she has a 3 year old who could possibly have some issues, and is hard to handle. so because of the fits thrown when the child got put into the car seat, the child doesn't sit in a car seat. they just wonder around the vehicle or sit up front.   now that i've typed this out and read it, i feel completely different about the whole situation...  i'm not sure what to do now. i love her. i love her a lot. she has changed my perspective on life, and shown me a lot.  i know she can be an amazing person. i can see that she was in her life before.  i'm just so confused. i don't know what to do. i love her, but i don't want her bringing me down with her.", "answer": "why would you want to be with a person like this?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fe8bzu", "comment_id": "fe8bzu"}, {"question": "family member with kidney failure/suspected compartment syndrome related to cocaine/alcohol abuse", "description": "white male  30 5'5 180-200lbs *of note he is not forthcoming  in disclosing drug use* presented with acute back pain, carrying down leg.  was taken to hospital, originally thought to be sciatica/pinched nerve that progressively got worse.   they asked about drugs finally admitted to binge use of alcohol and cocaine.  his kidneys began failing and was sent to a bigger facility.  his kidneys failed and while waiting for dialyses his leg continued to get worse.  was tested for compartment syndrome but it was ruled out.   i saw some medical journals online with brief mentions of cocaine and alcohol use  causing issues with kidneys and ischemia but nothing that explained it fully enough for me to be able to grasp what it meant.  he seems to be coherent and able to text not sure about his speech etc   does anyone have experience with this type of situation?  any idea of questions to ask him or what he's in for .  i don't really know what to ask you guys for just trying to get some advice i guess.   his history has made him terrified of disclosing the truth about his drug use. ", "answer": "cocaine can cause rhabdomyolysis (muscle breakdown), and the products of breakdown are damaging to kidneys. it may be that the pain is from the breakdown of muscle in that leg more than elsewhere, although why is impossible to know.   without more information and tests anything we say is only speculation. the hope is that this is acute kidney injury and, with time, he will recover. since we don't know what caused the problem, we can't estimate the likelihood of that versus permanent kidney damage.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b31fcq", "comment_id": "b31fcq"}, {"question": "how can people say that their so cured their mental illness?", "description": "just saw a post that said something like \"after years of ptsd and depression, i'm finally happy. my so does this and this...\"  i'm not bitter, i just want to know how that happened. i'm not expecting my so to change my mental health, so i'm not sure what the so has to do with it.  someone explain, i am confusion", "answer": "here\u2019s an email i send friends...  practice mindfulness:  - square breathing: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds\u2014repeat several times.  - 4-5-6 breathing: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, breathe out for 6 seconds. -reverse nostril breathing\u2014gently push down on one nostril. breathing 3-5 cycles of deep breaths through the single open nostril. then reverse and repeat while holding down the opposite nostril. - imagine a soothing and calming color around you as a sort of protective bubble that keeps out other people\u2019s emotions or baggage. say to yourself \u201ci let go of any stress i\u2019m carrying that does not belong to me.\u201d  focus on gratitude: - sit down and write a list of all the things you are grateful for. keep the list with you or on your phone or laptop so you can refer to it often when you\u2019re feeling stressed. update it frequently  -tie a gratitude practice into something you do everyday. for example everyday when you brush your teeth thank yourself for something you did the day before. it can be small...i didn\u2019t snap at my friend when he made a sarcastic comment yesterday...  focus on senses: - when you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, wear comfortable clothes and shoes, wear jewelry or accessories that make you feel good, wear cozy socks or a special scarf. surround yourself with items that help you feel comfortable and soothed. -when you feel yourself getting agitated or irritable take some space. go into a bathroom, run your hands under cold water, close your eyes and just focus on that sensation. notice how the water feels on your hands, the temperature, can you imagine the taste or smell of it, can you hear it and it runs over your hands, do you see bubbles? notice how the water moves\u2026 -go into another room and look for all the items in that room on the same color. these little distractions can help reset our mood. -try not to fight the anxiety. that will only make it much much worse. let it be there. accept it, be curious about it\u2026why is this coming up? what is my anxiety wanting me to pay attention to? what can i notice in how i\u2019m feeling\u2026. just notice, no judgements!  carry a physical object with you: - carry a small object that someone you really love gave to you. when you feel anxiety, grief, anger... building, hold this object in your hand and connect with how much love you have for that person and how much they love you. see yourself through this loved one\u2019s eyes and remind yourself of how strongly they care about you. - wear an object that feels protective. pretend it is magic and its superpower is to banish negativity from those around you. hold it when you feel annoyed or overwhelmed and focus on the color of it, the texture of it\u2026and remind yourself it is there to protect you. -progressive muscle relaxation\u2014starting from your toes, working your way up your body slowly, tighten each muscle for 4 seconds, and then relax. notice the difference between tension and relaxation. make sure to do this with your jaw and scrunching eyes. we hold a surprising amount of tension here. as you\u2019re doing this think or say aloud \u201ci am preparing my body for calm and relaxing\u201d -listen for sounds and identify without judgment. this will give your brain a minor task to focus on to help is relax and not focus on anxiety. i.e. i hear a neighbor talking, car driving by, dog breathing... -keep a journal or notepad by your bed. if you find yourself stuck on to-do lists or trying to remember things, jot them down on the notepad. that way they are waiting for you tomorrow and you don\u2019t have to keep them in your head. do a 5-10 min brain dump, and stream of consciousness-style, write down whatever is in your brain. it doesn\u2019t have to be full sentences or make sense. the goal is to empty your brain so it can fall asleep more easily  -if you\u2019re struggling to fall asleep or be present in a moment because of the same thoughts or worries spiraling....imagine a container. any kind of container, any color, and shape...use your imagination. imagine what it would feel like if you touched it, what temperature would it be? how big? what\u2019s it made of? then imagine yourself putting all your worries, fears, stressors in that container. imagine yourself locking it and putting it aside in a \u2018safe space\u2019 in your mind. knowing you can come back to those thoughts whenever you want, when you are more rested...", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ak1v0w"}, {"question": "multiple browser tabs compulsion", "description": "i typically open 100+ tabs over the course of a week - news articles, etc. i even take notes in google searches. at the end of the week, i bookmark all my tabs and close my browser windows, only to restart the process. i often find myself not reading most of these articles the first time or really any time in the future. a combination of anxiety and a fear of forgetting something valuable cause me to do this. i also take random notes here and there without really taking the time to synthesize them or review them - lately, it's seemed like i have written down every thought that has crossed my mind (on post-its, text files, browser tabs, etc.). has anyone else experienced this? how have you coped with this?", "answer": "this is information hoarding. this is treated with cbt and erp. it is manageable. as a start, if you havnt looked at a bookmarked tab in a week, delete it. once you manage that, keep moving back the time until you are willing to close a tab after a few minutes when you havnt read it.   as a rule of thumb: if its so important, you'll remember or be reminded by someone. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "54oors", "comment_id": "54oors"}, {"question": "need resources asap! starting to affect mental health.", "description": "19 years old male 5.9 233 pounds white  i'm currently living in tennessee  throwaway for obvious reasons. i've been dealing with a std for about a month now on my mouth and the head of my penis.   small white bumps.   it's made me into a recluse and is starting to affect my mental health. i don't know where to start looking for resources at all. my question is where and what kind of doctor should i call and bring this up with? need responce asap.  thanks in advance.", "answer": "see your primary care doctor whether it's a pediatrician, family practitioner, or internist. this is one of the reasons to have a primary doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9yiv0z", "comment_id": "9yiv0z"}, {"question": "hiv", "description": "so i saw a girl almost three weeks back. we had vaginal intercourse (protected) and i received oral (unprotected). afterwards, she went to get a routine std test. she came back negative for everything, except for hiv, which came back positive, then negative on the confirmatory test. unaware of her true status, the doctors sent the test to a lab, who then confirmed it was negative through an rna test, thus saying it was a false positive. this was a very traumatic incident for us, and caused me a great deal amount of stress. i went in and took an hiv-1 rna early detection test, which stated that it had an accuracy of between 95-99% and would show results as early as between 9-11 days (i went on day 11, came back negative). since the exposure, i have had what i believe to be oral thrush, mild migraines, and bad fatigue. granted, i consistently got 4-5 hours of sleep every night last week, as well as very little sleep this past weekend due to military training. do you think i'm most likely in the clear? this has caused me a great amount of stress (especially at the very start of the school year) and has caused others in my family stress. i am 5'10, 170, no outstanding past medical history.", "answer": "she had a negative test. even if she had been positive, you had a negative test. there are no guarantees in medicine, but you're about as guaranteed not to have hiv as anyone sexually active can be.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9hah2q", "comment_id": "9hah2q"}, {"question": "aa - i\u2019m struggling", "description": "i\u2019ve been to 47 meetings in the last 8 weeks. today is my 30th day without a drink. this is my longest period of sobriety since i started drinking in my late teens (i\u2019m in my early 40\u2019s now.) i could not have done this without the support of the rooms. i don\u2019t have a sponsor yet.  i really want this programme to work for me but i\u2019m struggling where to go from here. i\u2019m a lifelong agnostic, i see organised religion as a form of power and control.  i\u2019ve heard aa is a spiritual not a religious organisation more times than i can count.  i struggle with the wording of the first paragraph of chapter 5 at the beginning of every meeting.  i know the higher power can be anything i want it to be. i\u2019ve been using the knowledge, friendship and experience of the rooms as my higher power.  this has got me to where i am today.  i just cannot make any headway with step 3, it just seems impenetrable to me. i know step 3 is \u201cgod [higher power] as we understood him\u201d  am i meant to say none of this is my problem anymore, over to you higher power, and just shrug my shoulders?    i\u2019ve been to two different step groups on step 3 and nothing that was shared has given me any insight on how to progress further.  so, i\u2019m struggling with the steps and the spiritual / religious duality of aa.  i\u2019m tired and feeling a bit defeated tonight, i\u2019m going to bed (sober.) thanks for reading.    edit:  thank you all for the lovely bunch of comments waiting for me to read this morning.  i'm feeling more positive and have lots of new opinions to mull over.   i know i need a sponsor and will hopefully be fixing that in the next few days.  i've been over thinking things, i can choose not to drink today, everything else around me will happen regardless.  i really liked the comment \"willing to become willing to become willing\"  i've also been worrying too much about defining my god / higher power.  i can't define what exactly about the rooms has helped me not drink for 30 days when nothing else worked, but something is there, and i'll accept it with gratitude.", "answer": "i feel you\u2019re struggle. i would say that getting a sponsor is the first thing that can be done to help you understand your questions. step three only means that you have made a decision to go through the rest of the steps basically. the result of these steps is the spiritual awakening through turning out will over to the care of a higher power of our understanding. we learn to do that through working all of the steps. to try and understand it all without doing them is a lot to ask of yourself. i get the skepticism, believe me i do. but for me, i had to give it an honest shot if i wanted what others had. and that meant that i needed to get a sponsor and just keep an open mind and follow suggestions. if i felt like it didn\u2019t work then it\u2019s not like i would be any worse off than before. it\u2019s clear that the program works for so many, and it can work for you too if you give yourself to it. wishing you the best. hope this didn\u2019t come off as preachy or anything because that definitely wasn\u2019t my intention! that being said...definitely get a sponsor; that\u2019s where to make your beginning!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ce4c1a", "comment_id": "ce4c1a"}, {"question": "therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "after dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school i decided for the first time to get counseling.  i went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. and i exploded. i started crying and i've been on the verge of crying ever since.  is this normal? i do believe that i am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. i almost dropped out of school because i couldn't give a speech- i would honestly rather die then do something like this. my panic attacks are so bad i cannot speak.   anyways i am rambling and pretty lost right now. i know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? i am such a mess now and i'm in a very difficult program at school. i can't deal with this. but not dealing with it isn't an option either.  does it get better? what do i do? my therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and cbt. she also mentioned that i seemed okay and that i'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. somehow i feel like i didn't get across how fucked up i feel. i guess **i** didn't even realize it.   i am so lost. it's been 5 years and i feel like i've made no progress. i feel so alone. i'm scared she will dismiss me before i'm truly rehabilitated. i'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. is it normal to feel so messed up? it was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and i'm just completely dismantled.  thanks for listening, i'm not really even sure what i'm asking. maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? continue? i do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "i'm a therapist. what you're experiencing is unfortunately normal... i always tell my patients it will often feel worse before it starts to get better. it's like lancing a wound-- very painful, but you need to do it to get the infection out.  that being said, talk to your therapist about your concern. your therapist should be able to help you through this.  good luck. i know this isn't easy. it does get better.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "2g1mdm"}, {"question": "he ignores me for pc game, then blames me for us not getting it on as often.", "description": "we have talked about spending time together more often, and in these talks i have brought up how it bothers me when he will ignore me for 5 + hours to play pc games. he becomes defensive but usually understands, and then the very next evening the same thing happens.  my job is pretty physically demanding so i usually come home after work pooped. i still want to spend time with him though, so i stay up waiting for him to finish but usually fall asleep before he is done. while i am up i try to talk to him, tell him i want him and missed him, etc. he kind of answers back but i can tell he is not paying attention.  the next day he always blames me for not getting laid, saying i am not as interested as before, i didnt even want him anyway, etc. i am not sure wtf i am supposed to do.", "answer": "[this](WEBLINK) video might offer some assistance, if you're interested in trying to change this pattern.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5cvrfc", "comment_id": "5cvrfc"}, {"question": "how do you stop obsessions?", "description": "i am currently in the middle of a 3 year obsession with psychology, personality disorders, narcissism/psychopathy and personality theories like mbti. it\u2019s all my brain thinks about. it is completely all consuming.   my brain will say things like you are a narcissist, have adhd and are a psychopath. it will completely lose itself in self-diagnosis. it will be all i think about. i\u2019ll try to be assessing if the person i am talking to is a narcissist. or analyse past behaviour to see signs of psychopathy or narcissism or adhd. i will constantly gaslight myself. oh do i have it or not? it will be extremely difficult to pin it down. it will be constantly going off in my head. i will become suspicious of people. i will be watching movies and trying to assess if the main character is a narcissist. it will just not stop. i will be constantly analysing my past to see if i can fit any labels on it. i have seen multiple psychologists and they have all told me i don\u2019t have it. in short psychology is all i think about. i just want closure on what i have. i will see everything as a diagnosis. it will just not stop. i\u2019ll read articles on psychology. i\u2019ll watch videos of people who have my personality style to see if i can copy them to become successful. all i will talk about is narcissism or adhd. i\u2019ve spent 3 years down this rabbit hole waking up each day to think oh maybe i\u2019ll figure this out now. it will be very difficult. i speak to therapists and they all unanimously say that i\u2019m fooling myself.   i can\u2019t stop diagnosing my family members and others. i will put labels on people. i will come up  with new ways of diagnosing myself daily. i will watch or read some articles and then regurgitate them to my therapist. i\u2019ll think i have finally solved the puzzle of my personality and it will just be disappointing. i can\u2019t control my brain. originally i got into psychology to figure myself out and then pick a career on that. i don\u2019t know what to do. i\u2019m stuck going around in circles. it is never ending. i cannot stop. help.", "answer": "lol i became a psychologist and channelled it. ;)", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "i4pmh4", "comment_id": "i4pmh4"}, {"question": "at 35, i nearly broke down realizing i achieved many lifelong goals after doing my taxes", "description": "   long read so just want to say thanks for taking your time to listen to this lone voice.  i am still so ecstatic i have been flying high for weeks now.    ​  short version:   i have no friends because of my work habits described below, but wanted to share that i made six figures last year, which was a life goal for me to make minimum 100k a year.  at 35, i finally moved out of my parents basement and bought a 3 bedroom house with a huge backyard in the bay area, where it is super expensive compared to the rest of the country.  i did that solo!  got the money by working at my dream job that i been wanting since i was a kid, which i got hired last year.  ​  long version:  i was born in a third world country literally washing my tidy whities and the rest of my clothes by hand on a washboard by the time i was 9. made it to the us by the time i was 12.  worked in home construction as soon as i got here while going to school.  ​  i didn\u2019t know what i wanted to do when i graduated high school but i had hobbies.  all mean while my parents are still struggling. i have no idea how we manage to get to this country in the first place with the little money we had from our home country. every dime i make goes back to the household.  ​  i moved into the basement because it is a one bedroom house and since i was a kid my parents gave me the bedroom. they would sleep on a futon in the living room that they would pull out daily until i was 15.  i told them i was moving into the basement.  this house was built in the 40s so the basement has no way of entrance from the inside of the house only from the outside.  just a plank wood that would be considered a door.  with a latch to keep it close.  i would wear layers everyday. spiders, bugs, and rats were common. the house is old and has many holes.  ​  my mom was diagnosed with ptsd and was having trouble finding work.  my dad was also having trouble finding a steady job and trying to take care of my mom.  ​  around this time i make a pact to myself.  i was tired of going to sleep hungry.  i was tired of watching my parents struggle and not enjoy life.  i was tired of being broke. those hunger pains motivated me.  i wanted to make good money doing a job i love doing.  ​  i was lucky and got through the citizenship process and got my citizenship after paying thousands. i went to art school hoping it would get me closer to my dream of my hobby being my career.  i did this while working as a server at a restaurant, working in retail, and having to commute to san francisco for school.  i also had to brush off all the people who laughed on why i was going to art school and chasing an illusion.  not only doubting my skills but if i ever will be working in that industry.  i now know that those negative people are too small minded to think larger than me and they try to set their own limitations on me.  ​  after graduating i was able to get a job at a major studio in the area but in the lowest position.  not even using my degree. interns had it better than me.  i didn\u2019t care though because to me i was in the door.  though my contributions were minuscule on the overall project, i can say my name is on the rolling credits on some top entertainment pieces that are considered classics now.  i was proud and for that i did it for $9hr with a 2-3 hour commute, one way.  i was a contract worker so i knew my time was always limited but luckily the studio would always call me back after 3 months. ca law you have to wait at least 3 months to hire back a contract worker.  ​  after doing this for many, many years! i was fed up.  they kept promising full time every time i would come back but it never came through.  they would give me a bit more money every time i would come back for a new contract but only a few cents some times.  ​  i must add that i have diagnosed insomnia, depression, and anorexia.  so this type of work did feed into my own issues.  i didn\u2019t want to go home and there was plenty of work to do.  i would easily do average 80 hour weeks.  i was a true workaholic and not in a good way when someone puts that trying to be cute on their bumble profile.  when i was at home i would work on my own projects.  i had to change all my clocks to 24hr format because i would close the two tiny window in the basement for days and it would be pitch black.  i wouldn\u2019t know if it was am or pm or what day it was.  i would just work non stop.  ​  i fell into a deep state where i would just go to the boxing gym, come home and smoke weed, and work all night.  this was my daily routine up to a couple of years ago.  i stopped dating years ago because asking someone back to my parents basement doesn\u2019t sound like a turn on.  and work was more important to me.  ​  fast forward to 3 years ago, i got a job doing mindless grunt work but at a different tiny studio and making some decent money.  i would still go home everyday hating myself and questioning my path and career choices i had made.  though it never stopped me from working on my own projects when at home.  mostly because i just wanted to keep my mind busy and again because i am a workaholic.  ​  in this new studio, i make some great contacts that finally listen to me when i tell them i have untapped skills.  i finally get my shot and prove right. i get promoted to the jr title i have been working for since art school, though at a tiny studio working on a tiny project.  my ambitions have always been bigger.  ​  now fast forward to last year.  the contacts i made move to a new company that has millions in funding, but has the capacity to drop billions. yes, with a \u201cb\u201d: billions. they offer a me a job of a lifetime! they gave me stock in this billion dollar company, a $18k+ signing bonus, and a six figure salary.  what is great that even within this huge billion dollar company the fellow employees do not know that this department existed.  followed by how they can get in on it.  i truly have a job that i love and rare to find!  check that off the fucking list!  ​  my parents now make enough money to sustain themselves.  though i was able to achieve my goal of making enough money to take care of them and buy a 3 bedroom house with a huge backyard for my dog and i.  i asked them to move in with me, but they understand i have sacrificed so much for them.   ​  now i just sit under my lemon tree in my backyard while smoking a blunt and watching my dog enjoy having the leg room to run around.  all while going to a job that i love so much where i do what i always wanted and basically \u201cmake stuff up that is fun\u201d for living.  ​  next up is to make at least a million dollars a year. but not before first taking on the most toughest battle; the dating scene...", "answer": "congratulations! that\u2019s very exciting!! you should be very proud!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bf90px", "comment_id": "bf90px"}, {"question": "my husband voluntarily committed himself", "description": "he checked himself into va inpatient treatment this weekend. i was able to visit him yesterday after calling ahead and talking to his nurse, but it was a surprise to him when i came in (i thought the nurse would have told him i was coming in). it was nice to see him, but the visit seemed to make him feel homesick.  i'm definitely an anxious person myself, so i've been thinking/worrying about him. the dilemma i'm having is that i'm not sure how often i should be visiting/calling. i really want to talk to him everyday, but i'm not sure if that's what's best for him.  any advice on calling/visiting, or any questions i should be asking the nurse before visiting again?", "answer": "i assuming he had ptsd. if so, i would highly recommend emdr or neuro feedback to treat. it cuts traditional \u201ctalk\u201d therapy time in half!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "btykcy", "comment_id": "btykcy"}, {"question": "feeling upset my bf [24 m] of 7 years doesn't want to move in together. [22 f]", "description": "english isn't my first language so bear with me. so here is my story, i am 22 dating a 24 year old amazing guy. we've know each other for about 7 years. we have an amazing relationship. just last week i asked him if we can move in together because i think it's time. he said he wasn't ready it's a huge commitment. tf! we've been together for 7 years now thats a bigger commitment.   i'm not sure how to deal with this. i need advice ever since he said he's not ready i've been a little distant with him. what bugs me more is that he seems really happy where he's at right now living with his dad and he didn't give me a solid reason. i so confused about all this. not sure where to take it from here. ", "answer": "he should have moved in or married you after 1 year.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nbevd", "comment_id": "6nbevd"}, {"question": "marriage therapy", "description": "my so is bipolar.  the past 2 years have been hell.  major rage, anger, & paranoia.  he's on meds and has a therapist, whom he has been seeing for about 6 months. he does not let me go to any of his appointments because he thinks i'll ruin his perfect patient image.  he comes off warm and caring and open to his doctors, but with me and his family he is completely different and blames everything on us and everything is a trigger to him.  we recently started seeing a marriage therapist and to him, it's ok to stay things about me that are cruel and untrue because i deserve it.  but when i bring up any of my feelings or issues, he cannot acknowledge they exist and that how i feel is unimportant or not right.  he also will still try and act like a complete saint while in a session with me, but once we leave, he just starts raging on me.  the whole ride home plus another 3o-60 minutes he raged on me calling me a liar and that i made him look bad and then proceeds to say all kinds of nasty things, rather screams them.  i had valid issues he doesn't seem to care about.  it's all him and what he wants and if he doesn't get it, he feels justified on terrorizing me for days.  so now i've ruined christmas because i brought up an issue i wanted addressed and hopefully the therapist would have a solution.  so now i sit, 6 hours later while he gets drunk and rages.  when a couple like us comes into a marriage counseling session, can they see that one person feels completely censored and afraid to say anything to upset the other person?  can they see that one person feels so verbally and emotionally abused that they will tow the line at any cost?  can they see that they are afraid to bring up any topic regarding abuse because they know if they do, the next day to month will be hell because that person has brought up a valid issue and the one accused will make the punishment unbearable.  i don't see this ever helping when my significant other refuses to take any responsibility.", "answer": "do you have your own therapist?  first off, as a therapist, when i see things that look this severe, i generally won't work with a couple unless they are both seeing their own therapist who isn't me.   it sounds like you really need support right now.  you've used the word abuse in your op so it doesn't seem like it's news to you that you're in an abusive relationship.     remember, every day that you stay in your relationship is a choice  that you've made because every single day you could also choose to leave.  seeing your own therapist might help you figure out why you continue to choose to stay and help you cope with the hardship or give you the license and courage to leave if that's what you decide is best for you.     best of luck and take care!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a850l6", "comment_id": "a850l6"}, {"question": "so i don\u2019t think i have ocd, but...", "description": "i would describe it more as a habit developed at a young age that became more compulsive as i grew older. i started \u201cevening things out\u201d i guess you could say, between my left and rights sides. say, if i touched something on my right side, i had to touch it with my left.   but it\u2019s not just that, i always have to end on my left side. so if i start on my left, i have to end on my left (i.e. left/right/right/left). it\u2019s not necessarily a compulsion, i\u2019m not afraid if i\u2019m not able to complete the pattern, but i do feel very uncomfortable if i can\u2019t.   also, it\u2019s transmitted its way into other facets of my life. from a young age, i was able to see words in my head, then pronounce them phonetically backwards. kind of a useless ability, but something i was born with nonetheless. i started to take these words, backwards, and divide them into equal parts, by number of letters. say, the word reversed for example. backwards, it\u2019s desrever. so, i would divide it into equal numbers (de-sr-ev-er). then, i would divide it into different equal parts  (des-r-eve-r and d-esr-e-ver respectively) and so on. if i don\u2019t finish this pattern, i feel on edge.   so, tl;dr i\u2019ve got certain compulsions, linguistically and physically, that if i don\u2019t complete, i feel nervous, but not scared. any thoughts?", "answer": "rule of thumb: if it's not a problem, it's not a problem. when it starts taking excessive time or becomes unmanageable, it may be time to do something about it.   ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "79ucuv", "comment_id": "79ucuv"}, {"question": "sudden heart racing... is it dangerous?", "description": "i was doing heavy bench pressing and after one of the sets my heart started pounding super fast and hard all of a sudden (about 180 per minute). i was not out of breath, nor did i feel tired. the heart rate would not go down.  i decided to leave the gym, and after about 10 minutes my heart rate finally dropped.  this is not the first time. it happened to me last week as i was doing heavy deadlifts. both time, it took about 15 minutes before my heart rate went back to normal. my normal rest heart rate is around 70.  should i stop weight training for a while and start doing some steady cardio (i'm in my early 30s, 6'2, 220lbs)?  i don't drink coffee at all. my life is pretty steady and i'm not stressed by anything. i get around 8 hours sleep per night. ", "answer": "hm. you should probably see a doctor. could be a number of things, including heart block.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5x1cd8", "comment_id": "5x1cd8"}, {"question": "how do i stop being so hard on myself?", "description": "i constantly feel like a complete and total failure at basically everything. i was thinking that i  was feeling this way because i was being lazy and unproductive but i've been trying really hard to at least do something productive every day. i'm still working on it but logically i know that i'm at least doing something.   for example, today i worked on my schoolwork, did some laundry and worked on crocheting a nest for rescued birds in australia. but instead of feeling good about any of the things i did, i'm internally criticizing myself for not doing more.  i feel like this inner voice comes from my grandparents who raised me and always expected perfection. everything always had to be so clean and i had to get straight as and do sports and play piano. they weren't abusive and they gave me a good life that my mother couldn't give me and i'm so grateful for that but i just feel like i'll never be able to get their voices out of my head always telling me i need to do better and do more and be better and i  just feel like i'm never going to be happy. part of me is so mad at them for this even though i know they were just doing their best. but then i feel guilty for being mad at them because they gave me such a good life and they didnt have to. ugh my head is such a mess right now.", "answer": "music is my biggest coping skill.  here's a playlist i made on giving myself compassion  WEBLINK  i know everyone's music taste is very specific to themselves so if you like the concept maybe you can make your own playlist \ud83e\udd37 keep going lovely \u2600", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em8uvx", "comment_id": "em8uvx"}, {"question": "i (30m) cheated on my gf (30f) and she cheated on me. 3.5 years. should i stay or go?", "description": "so i\u2019ve been dating this girl for 3.5 years and we/were very much in love. marriage was discussed many times. we both thought we were the best thing ever. she was obsessed with me and i was obsessed with her. about 4 months ago we started having problems. we argued a lot more than usual and they were usually bad. about 2 months ago she called me stressed about her job and how she wasn\u2019t happy with her career. i told her to quit and i\u2019d support her since i make more than enough money. so she did. then she tells me she wants to go study abroad to learn spanish and just to refocus. like a good boyfriend who trust her, i support her fully. we get everything set up for the trip and a week prior she starts getting stressed out. which in turn stresses me. i tell myself no matter how stressed she gets just be there and be supportive. but it was hard bc she\u2019d get snappy and treat me bad. i sucked it up bc i knew it wouldn\u2019t be long before she was in the country in question and the stress would subside. i just had to stick it out. btw she has 3 more weeks of online college courses that she\u2019s stressed about too. she had told me the day before she was sorry if she had been bitchy and that she appreciated my help. she asked for a pass for the last day to basically be mean bc she knew she\u2019d be stressed. well i try my best to support her and not snap back when she gets bratty but literally hours before an early morning flight we get in one of the worst arguments we\u2019ve ever had.we make up on the ride to the airport. she gets to the country and she\u2019s still stressed obviously. we talk everyday for 2 weeks. i was starting a new project at work and she was being reasonably needy as she hardly spoke spanish and she had schoolwork. i tried giving her the attention she needed. i even did a 6 page report for her! she would try and talk to me bc she needed attention but i was busy that week (mostly reading the 3 books and writing the report, for her) well the friday of the end of the 2 weeks i had finished the report and was relieved that finally she wouldn\u2019t be stressed and we both could relax. she calls me asking for more help on the project. i literally had done the whole thing and she wanted me to fix the format. i couldn\u2019t help it and got aggravated. i mean seriously, she couldn\u2019t do that one thing? bc i was aggravated she accused me of seeing someone. but i wasn\u2019t and it pissed me off bc i had dedicated almost all my time to helping her that week. i didn\u2019t have time for me much less someone else. we got in another bad argument and this time she considers breaking up. i wasn\u2019t ready for that. we made up over the phone the next day and everything seemed to go back to normal. so i should prob take break here and flash back to a week before and before i started the schoolwork for her. i had messed up. i was feeling very overwhelmed bc of the situation and it seemed no matter how hard i tried to comfort her my efforts were not enough. i felt unappreciated and i didn\u2019t feel respected. so i happened to be going to a town 2hrs away where i had worked on a project and needed to clean out my apt. i met up with some former coworkers that night and i got a little too friendly with a girl i knew. i had become good friends with the girl during that work project. i had consulted her for relationship advice a few months prior. she knew i loved my gf and our relationship was completely platonic. i know i probably should not have and my gf had know idea. anyway i got wasted that night and she walked me up to my apt. i tried to kiss her but she stopped me. she knew i loved my gf and that i wasn\u2019t myself. next morning i woke up and felt horrible. i couldn\u2019t let my gf find out, at least not while she was out of country. it would be too much. i text the girl and let her know it wasn\u2019t her fault but i could never contact her again. k back to the last friday. so we made up. at least i thought. we were in the middle of texting while she was out with some friends she had met and suddenly just stopped talking. didn\u2019t contact me til next morning. she said the wifi had cut out. but something wasn\u2019t right. she always makes sure i know she\u2019s ok. anyway that monday at work she text me and tells me she needs to concentrate on why she\u2019s there and starts saying she\u2019s still hurt by everything and needs space. she still loves me and doesn\u2019t  want to break up. that tuesday she said she no longer wanted me to visit her and fly back with her. well to make a long story a little shorter. i find out she was with a guy. she had met him that night apparently. they made out all night and he got breakfast. she said the only reason she didn\u2019t have sex was bc they had no condom. the next day they ate breakfast and she told him she has a boyfriend and he said it was ok. she said it was not and supposedly has not seen him since. even though they became facebook friends a week later. i have a hard time believing she didn\u2019t sleep with him. it is worth noting i found out bc after 2 weeks of her basically not being herself and showing me no affection like normal i became suspicious. it\u2019s not my proudest moment but i guessed her fb password and saw the message b/w her and a friend saying she met a guy and described the night to her. about how amazing it was. not specifically that she slept with him. just that they made out all night...then got breakfast. she never said a thing about me or confessed guilt. i wondered if i was the only one who was not told we had broke up. i confronted my gf and gave her every opportunity to admit what had happened. she still lied and even tried to lie after i told her i saw her fb. she eventually fessed up. so i did what i thought was the right thing and told her what i had done. again long story short. we talked on video chat for hours. i was done with her bc of her reactions. they seemed disgenuine. she tried to shift the guilt on me saying mine was worse bc we werent having problems. but she eventually she shifted and started begging to start over. and started apologizing. she also invited me to come there her last week and fly back with her. i just don\u2019t know. so confused. do we try? she has 5 more weeks before i arrive. btw we are both 30 and we have no kids. i love her so much. neither one of has ever come close to cheating before. i know bc she has never given me reason to suspect. she\u2019s always been more head over heels. she used to always say she loved me way more, jokingly. i can\u2019t help but feel that bc i wasn\u2019t being as close to her and maybe not giving her all my attention i pushed her to this. on the flip side i treated her that way bc i felt she was being unreasonable at times. i never feel like i can just tell her no. i mean i just knew in my gut what was happening.  she insist she never actually had sex. she justifies it bc she says she felt disconnected and she didn\u2019t think it was going to work. before i found out she also told me she didn\u2019t want to break up bc she didn\u2019t want to make a decision she would regret. but i\u2019m like and cheating wasnt? should i try if she's willing or do i walk away? ", "answer": "if there's still substance, go to counseling and work it out", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788mjq", "comment_id": "788mjq"}, {"question": "would this be acceptable?", "description": "i frequently visit a supermarket and the girl behind the register and me have small talk all day long. she told me she has a resit for a history exam which she struggles with. now i have been giving tutoring in english (speaking) and history for about two years now.   would it be okay if i offered to tutor her and give her my phone number? if so, how could i best offer it?   i'm afraid it will come over as flirting, which isn't my intention.", "answer": "i think it's totally acceptable to mention to her that you are a tutor.  give her your information and tell her to contact you if you want any help.  do you tutor as a job for money?  if so, you should get some sort of business cards.     if your true intent is to help her and isn't romantic, then just be all business about it.  if your intent is romantic, i'd say forget the whole tutoring thing and just ask her out on a date (ie.  well when you're all done how about we meet up to go do ______________ to celebrate?)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "emv2pu", "comment_id": "emv2pu"}, {"question": "finally facing this .....", "description": "hello!  so i was diagnosed with pcos a little over a year ago. you would think that i would have been happy to have an explination for the weigh gain, hair growth in weird places, missing periods, etc. i thought i was fine with having an expliantion. i took my perscription for the bcp and metformin, and left the doctors office. i proceeded to read about pcos and think \"wow! finally an explination.\" then i proceeded to do nothing.   so as i said, its over a year later. i think i am finally ready to try to take control of this. my weight is out of control and i am uncomfortable. i am sick of the waxing appointments to deal with the hair growth. i just want to feel better.   so i have decided to follow the keto diet, and it has been about 4 weeks. i have not been perfect on it. i have cheated on the diet, and i still crave carbs. i have lost 21 pounds. some of that weight loss may be the extreme work stress i have been under.   next steps are to start taking my perscriptions, and to start exercising. ", "answer": "good job! keep us posted on your progress. it's really hard to take initiative and 21 pounds is a great accomplishment. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3jv0yq", "comment_id": "3jv0yq"}, {"question": "girl keeps catcalling me as a joke and im not into it", "description": "i (13f) keep getting catcalled and shit by a girl in my grade (8th btw) i'll me in math class and she'll say \"hey, your pretty hot! can i date you?\" and then she'll start laughing and say \"just kidding haha\"  its getting on my nerves tbh. she asks if im dating anyone and constantly asks who my crush is. i tell her to stop and she wont. i cant tell if she likes me or if she's taunting me and it pisses me off. if she likes me, no big deal, tell her i dont like her move on. if shes taunting me (which im pretty sire she is) then that'll be harder to resolve. i just want to get through math class without being humiliated in front of everyone.", "answer": "tell her again, firmly, to stop.   then go to your teacher or another trusted adult and ask them to talk to her about it. if it's making you uncomfortable it needs to stop.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "e65u6e", "comment_id": "e65u6e"}, {"question": "looking for opinion on my mental health", "description": "hi first time posting. went to doctor recently to get an opinion on my mental heath have been referred to phychiatrist but have not been yet, wondering if i can get an opinion on here before i go. here goes.... i have trouble concentrating at work my mind is always wondering/ procrastinating. i have always been a heavy over thinker and i think very fast also read fast, always feel in a hurry. i have bad memory because i'm always overthinking i forget where i place things/what i'm doing, things like people's names go right through my head. i find it very had to clear my head like i never have calm in my thoughts. i get irritated easy. i feel like my overthinking wears me out. i've always had trouble following instructions i.e plans i find it a lot easier to learn hands on. i always have plans to start hobbies like build a bar get into spearfishing etc but quickly lose interest. i have trouble getting to sleep and wake up during the night and find my brain racing. my thoughts aren't worries usually just random things, unless i'm stressed out then i find myself winding myself up over small problems and repeating my thoughts. my mother suffers from depression/ anxiety although i don't feel depressed i thought i'd put that in there. i'm also a lot better and mind is clearer out of work or if i'm doing something i enjoy.  i intend on writing this all down and taking it to the phychiatrist to help explain myself.  any feedback/opinions would be much appreciated, thanks for reading.", "answer": "some of your symptoms sound like a manic episode to me...but i don't have enough info from your post to say that with certainty.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49rnuo", "comment_id": "49rnuo"}, {"question": "how to stop habits i can not stop?( mental advice )", "description": "first i would like to make it clear that i am not asking anyone to diagnose me, but i know you guys might have experience with this topic.  i do not believe i have ocd. basically i have these \"habits\" that i need to follow since i was very young. i am going to write about my history here:  when i was younger (less than 10 years old) i remember experiences in which i felt i needed to touch things i touched with one hand, with both. i remember i felt incomplete if i didn't ( same now ). the touching with two hands went away for a few years, and then similar habits came back, went away, came back, went away, and came back, but this time for the longest period of time.  so now i'll write about what i experience now, i have to follow the numbers 3, 4, 9, and 1.  -almost everything i do revolves around these numbers (ex. rinsing my face has to be done 3 times or 9 times, if i turn a light off and back on, having to do that two more times , twisting caps has to be done 3 times, if i touch something twice i have to do it more until i reach one of my numbers, if i make a typo then i type it 2 more times to achieve the number 3, if i go back and forth from a room i have to do that again 2 more times to reach the number 3, and much more than this but i don't want to keep writing about it) -repeating phrases until one of my numbers is reached or until i feel \"just right\" which is sometimes frustrating because it's hard to feel right -i have a hand cleaning ritual, which in the past has left my hands completely cracked peeling and a little bloody, however i do not feel this is an excessive amount of time even though i wash longer than everyone else in the bathroom -doing any cleaning chore, such as washing dishes or sweeping takes me way longer than it should. i clean every crevasse at least 3 times when doing dishes and have to make sets of 3 when sweeping. the touching things 3 or more times is probably the biggest issue because it has started involving almost everything in my life, even counting seconds in my head so that i touch or hold objects for at least 3 seconds.  to clarify, the number 1 is only allowable after another number is reached, for example, if i rinse my face three times im allowed to rinse it once more, but i cannot only rinse once at first and be done. also, the numbers are the main guidelines\" i have to follow, however they sometimes are disregarded if i have to complete something until i feel complete, which doesn't happen often. stress makes these habits much worse.  i'm worried people are going to notice my habits on computers when i go back to school ( in high school / people already started noticing my habits but haven't thought much of it ), family will because it's obvious even though they haven't yet, and that they will get worse because they already are.  i'm not sure if this relates but one of the scariest things to deal with is when i get these thoughts that me doing something will harm someone else, such as touching a family member's plate or being near the food will make them sick and possibly kill them.  simply stopping is not possible for me so is there anything else  i can do?  thanks ", "answer": "as a psychiatrist, it does sound ocdish and needs formal assessment. certain antidepressants, antipsychotics, and psychological therapy helps, but given the length of time you have had it, it may be a case of getting control of the symptoms rather than removing them.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4vg2rd", "comment_id": "4vg2rd"}, {"question": "possibly overdosed on a maoi. having amphetamine-like effects 24/7 now + severe tachycardia&hypertension when eating chocolate - what should i do?", "description": "**tl;dr:** a study said ethanolic [garlic extract is a maoi](WEBLINK), i started eating 6-7 cloves of garlic daily for this effect (today is day 8). on days 3 and 5 i ate chocolate, and both times my heart rate shot up to ~130 bpm and blood pressure to ~150/85. past few days, i've been feeling a 24/7 amphetamine-like drug high - focus, irritability, heart palpitations, high resting heart rate (85-90 bpm). last time i ate garlic was 24 hours ago, yet i still experience these symptoms. i fear that the maois in garlic are irreversible - if so, could it possibly take 2-3 weeks for my symptoms to resolve (until new mao enzymes are made)? what is the appropriate treatment until symptoms resolve? (been taking oxazepam after the chocolate-tachycardia, but can't take it daily because of withdrawal concerns).  ****  age: 24  sex: male  i have been reading [a study](WEBLINK) saying garlic has antidepressant effects in rats, and that it works by mao inhibition, with comparable potency to the clinical maoi imipramine. because of this, i proceeded to eat 6-7 cloves of raw garlic daily for 1 week, for the antidepressant effects.  i did feel stimulant-like, mild-antidepressant effects already on the first day, so i kept eating such amounts of garlic for a week. however, on day 3, i had an incident where i ate chocolate, and got a mild version of \"hypertensive crisis\" - my heart rate shot up to 134 bpm, my blood pressure to 148/86 (my usual: 100/60). i immediately took 20mg oral oxazepam and my vitals normalized. i didn't link it to the garlic, and so on day 5, i ate chocolate and the same thing happened again, and oxazepam helped me again.   today i finally made the connection. the last time i ate garlic was 24 hours ago. looking back, i realize that in the past few days, i've had pronounced amphetamine-like effects that lasted the entire day, every day, for at least 3-4 days. focus, irritability, heart palpitations/\"flutters\", high resting heart rate - most of the effects. i took adderall in the past, and i currently feel very similar to how the adderall made me feel.  this makes me very concerned. my high resting heart rate (85-90 bpm) gives me a lot of discomfort, and the palpitations are worrying. since i know many maois can be irreversible, my biggest fear is that the maois in garlic are also irreversible. in this case, does it mean it will take a few weeks for my symptoms to resolve? if so, what would be the treatment during those few weeks? i obviously cannot keep taking a benzodiazepine every time my heart rate spikes up, because then i'll develop withdrawals.  so, what should i do?", "answer": "although it's hard to compare, to get equivalent doses to what the mice were getting you would probably have to eat several entire bulbs of garlic. there's also nothing to suggest that garlic is an irreversible mao inhibitor that could have the effects seen in maois, and such an effect would probably be known from garlic's heavy culinary use.  but still, stop eating garlic.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aiu592", "comment_id": "aiu592"}, {"question": "mental health concern", "description": "sex: male age:18 height: 5\u201910 weight: 170lb race: arab american  duration: four months  no medical issues   lately i have been having extremely pessimistic thoughts to the point where it\u2019s slowly starting to affect my life. i\u2019ve somehow become a hardcore nihilist out of nowhere. it\u2019s so strange, but it feels like i can\u2019t enjoy life because i know i\u2019ll just end up dying and being old and frail. i just feel like life has no meaning right now. i\u2019m wondering if this could just be a phase and i can wait it out, or if this is something i should see a psychologist for.   if this helps, i\u2019ve been using marijuana for the past few months. getting high about twice a day nearly everyday. is there any possibly of those feelings stemming from thc use? i don\u2019t feel dependent to it at all and i can, and have, just stopped using it for a day or two and been fine.   thanks.", "answer": "could be depression. does it run in the family? cannabis is not harmless, could be related. how are you functioning (work/school/relationships)?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bbma2f", "comment_id": "bbma2f"}, {"question": "(23/m) my girlfriend (20/f) moral dilemma regarding appropriate life choices", "description": "im 23 yrs old and live in southern california. my gf is 20 and she lives here too but is currently studying abroad in central america. she goes to college too but also not in the city we both live so shes usually gone for 4 months at a time twice a year. ive started going to college myself and since have gotten 10 times busier with work and school combined. shes a full time student as well and is going to start her last year after returning from her trip. usually she would stay for the summer then return to school in the fall leaving us about 4 months to spend together before she left again and everytime she has to leave it gets that much harder. she told me recently that she got a job offer from one of her old professors and if she takes the job she would come back for only one month before starting school again and this new job is going to be in the same city she goes to school in. which means if she accepted we will only have seen each other for a little less than 2 months out of the whole year of 2017. we both love each other very much and we've been faithful to each other from the best of my knowlege. lately ive been considering the huge possibility that i impose a detriment on her life if she ever had to pick between me and her future.this new job shes been trying to get for some time and it would definitely sky rocket her real world experience and serve as an extremely important qualification for future jobs in her field. she tells me that being out of her hometown for so long has motivated her to keep the ball rolling and keep jumping into new experiences and basically wants to live life to its fullest rather than take it slow, semester by semester. she talks about not wanting to live in our hometown anymore and wants to get the most out of her life while she still can. i feel like the distance is hitting me harder. sometimes i feel like i should break it off so she wont have to consider coming back as much. ive told her countless times that she has every right to put her career and her future ahead of everything. she's agreed and says thats what she plans on doing. i have no doubt that she loves me as much as i love her but lately im feeling like if i werent in her life then she'd have an easier time pursuing everything she wants to.  in the future ill be in the same situation where my job or school might take me to new places and we'd have to split up yet again. my question is should i keep waiting, continue to support her decisions and keep letting her go hoping she'll come back. or should i break it off and try to make the emotional strain easier on us both. i want to do everything i can to hold on to what we have and id put her happiness before mine any day. i know im miserable not being able to come home to her everyday, and im sure shes dealing with it in her way as well. i dont wanna be a burden to her progress but then again i don't wanna break up with her and have that tear her up emotionally and risk us not being able to be friends either. her future has always been brighter than mine and and i need to do everything i can to help her. i do however, have my life to consider. what should i do? wait or make the hardest decision ive had to make in my life and leave her?             ", "answer": "we all have to make the choices we need to make. you make yours and she'll make hers.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zp7pe", "comment_id": "5zp7pe"}, {"question": "how do i make myself go gym?", "description": "i started my membership of a gym in london (\"the gym\" north harrow) back in june. i went twice a week for that month, going for less and less and for shorter periods of time afterwards too. first time i went i used all the machines and pushed myself hard as possible and ended up throwing up outside the gym which was pretty horrible. anyway after june throughout july and august i barely went once a week. the last time i went was the 14th of august. i'm not obese or dying or anything..just overweight and wanted to get fit. when i use to go i sorta made my own routine as i went along, it usually went something like running a mile, lifting the dum bells (7/8/9 kg each) and bar bells (20-30kg) for as long as i could until i couldn't lift anymore. plus using some machines to pad out time. obviously i made no progress and i am just dissapointed in myself and want to go often and get a routine. unfortunately there isn't anybody i can go with, i have some gym friends but they go to other gyms and i tried to remember the routine in the sidebar but only remembered to do the lunges and just couldn't keep track of all the reps and techniques and forms and shit. i want to go to the gym and make real progress, i really do, but i can't seem to ever leave my house when i am in it. i have school 4 days of the week (finish early monday) and work until late night on tuesdays and wednesdays after school so my free time is split between school work, musical instruments and playing games. i know i have more than enough time for the gym and i want to go. i'm 17 and in a2 (year before uni) for reference. how can i make myself go and remember the exercises? ", "answer": "put on your gym clothes and go every single day. if you don't feel like working out, just stretch. get limber. don't eat shitty food cuz it will make you feel tired. drink a lot of water. and just go", "topic": "eood", "post_id": "3lthiy", "comment_id": "3lthiy"}, {"question": "my best friend(20f) is in love with me(24m)", "description": "i met her when she was a freshman in high school and i was a senior. she had no friends and would just sit alone and draw pictures by herself. i met her when some guy snatched her notebook with all her drawings in it away from her. he and his friends were looking through all the pictures laughing. so i just walked up and told him that he better give it back(i've always been a tall intimidating person.) he gave it back, said sorry and walked away. ever since then her and i have been best friends. she was like a little sister sort of. she hangs with my group and is like one of the guys. even after i graduated i would pick her up from school most days and we would just hang out. i've seen every anime in existence because of her. she's super pretty and is the coolest girl ever. last year she was almost raped walking home late at night. she messaged me that she thought she was being watched and followed. i got no response back when i asked if she was okay so i drove the route that she usually would walk home. i saw her things on the ground and thought the worse had happened. i found a car nearby in this empty parking lot and heard noises. when i opened the door her shirt was ripped open, she was bottomless, his hand was around her neck and she was resisting. i beat him so bad that he needed emergency care. it's been really rough for her ever since. she doesn't trust anyone but me and has panic attacks. the guy she was in a relationship with at the time it happened left her because she was \"too much to handle.\" earlier today she sent \"i love you. i've always loved you.\" i wasn't thinking that kind of love because we tell each other that we love each other in a friends way. so i just replied with \"i love ya too\" and she sent \"no, i really love you.\" then she sent \"sorry\" and just changed the subject and hasn't brought it up since.   i've never really thought her that way. i mean she is beautiful and amazing and the girl i care about most but i always saw her as a little sister. just wondering how i should go about this and if she is really in love with me or if this has anything to do with her almost being raped. ", "answer": "remain her best friend. she's going through a hard time. just gently maintain the platonic bf and tell her it's best for both of you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mnfii", "comment_id": "5mnfii"}, {"question": "when did you realize that you would be happiest drunk alone?", "description": "i just had a long talk with a close friend about his drinking, and it upflifted me to know i was not alone. then i killed every bottle of liquor in the apartment and am drinking a beer. my so has no idea i'm this smashed. i love her to death, but i'm happier to feel totally destroyed and on my own than level with her.  this isn't the first time. when did you realize you were happier drunk alone?", "answer": "when i realized how little i like other people.", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "1fig7i", "comment_id": "1fig7i"}, {"question": "my wife cheated on me. what do i do?", "description": "i don't know how to format and this is my first actual reddit post since i mainly lurk. i apologize in advance. tl;dr at end  ​  my wife and i met in mid/late 2016. from the moment i saw her i knew she was the one. after a little over a year of dating we got married. everyone said we were moving to fast. i didn't care, neither did she yada yada yada.   ​  fast forward to september 2018. we've been in a rough patch for awhile. she wasn't happy, and i was doing my best to make her happy. however, she would never tell me what was making her happy. finally, one day after we'd been lying in bed for a while, she told me she felt unloved and not attractive and other things. primarily though, she wasn't happy about our sex life. her sex drive is a lot higher than mine, so i get it. she wasn't getting what she wanted when she wanted it. regardless, we still were sexually active with eachother 1-3 times a week.   ​  come late october she is still feeling dissatisfied. i tried to do things more often, but with work, bills (i pay for 95% of the things between us), and trying to maintain my own happiness, i just always felt so drained. i was so tired and i just didn't have the energy to give her what she wanted. then, she pitched the idea of going into porn.   ​  i was skeptical to say the least. just a few months back she found porn repulsive. after a long discussion, and her agreeing to be anonymous as possible, i gave the okay. there was an understanding that i'd give the approval on what will be uploaded and shown and that i will not be forced to participate unless i wanted to.   ​  this turned out to be great for her. her body confidence shot up, she was a lot happier, and i was able to participate in my wife's life more. then late november came around.   ​  it turned out that she was still extremely unhappy and felt unwanted and just overall miserable. she said i couldn't give her what she wanted so maybe we should pursue other avenues. specifically an open-relationship.   ​  she brought the idea to me on november 27th, 2018. we talked for a while about it. she assured me that it was nothing right now and it would be something we could maybe look into to see if it would help us. we talked about how we'd both have to approve of the other person's choice of people. that we would have to get consent from eachother for anything that we would do with another person. overall we put together a framework for something in the futurue that would allow us both to be satisfied without hurting eachother.   ​  december 1st, 2018. i woke up around 1pm after a nice night of drinking to my wife already getting dressed for the day. i was oggling her pretty hard consdering she decided to wear some of her nicest lingerie and what can only be described as a \"punk school girl\" outfit.   ​  as i was making myself breakfast i started talking about how we could go see the new fantastic beasts move that night and go to dinner. ya know a date night? that is when she informed me \"oh, actually i'm meeting a friend in xxxxxxxxx tonight.\" i responded with something along the lines of \"alright cool thats chill, i'll play some xbox and stuff.\"  ​  we left the house to play some pokemon go for a bit, but the entire time we were out she was hiding her phone from my view (this matters since we are very open to eachother, including phones), kept staring at the clock, and seeming to want to leave asap. when we got home, i was feeling a bit worried so i tried going on her phone and just seeing who she was talking to. not reading any messages. i was worried, shoot me. however, she changed the password to her phone, and when i brought it up to her, she didn't want to tell me the new one.  ​  so she leaves, and a few hours later as i'm taking some beer brats off the grill, she calls me and tells me: \"nevermind, i don't want anyone else inside me. i just want you. i'm sorry.\"  ​  i talked to her for a little while on her drive home asking what happened, who was it, etc. until we lost connection. thats when it hit me. there was no communciation. there was no inclusion of myself for this. she went behind my back. she lied to me. she hurt me. she cheated on me. that wasn't the open relationship we discussed on maybe having not in the near future.   ​  i've been a wreck since. i can't eat or sleep. i can't look at her, talk to her, touch her, or be near her. i don't know what to do. no matter how much we discuss what happened, it doesn't make it better. she knows she cheated on me, she admitted that to me.   ​  what do i do? what do i do when the person i give everything to and provide for completely decides i'm not good enough?  ​  ​  ​  tl;dr: wife wanted open relationship. we set ground rules and safety nets and had no plans for this happening in the near future. few days later she goes behind my back, lies to me and sleeps with another person.   edit: thank you for the advice. after a long discussion with my wife about splitting up and the changes that need to be made, i did come to a decision. she promised to seek help, therapy, and improvement. she has made the promises before and they turned out to be empty. i have given her 2 months to make good by them. if they are not made i will see she does not actually want us to continue and i will leave. she accepted and that's that. again thank you all for the well needed advice, if i had the money i would give all of you gold. ", "answer": "you two need family therapy. but first, you need individual therapy; from a trained professional. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "a2phx4", "comment_id": "a2phx4"}, {"question": "what happens on the fist visit to a psycologist?", "description": "i keep putting off making and going to an appointment because i'm scared of what will happen", "answer": "the first session is typically called an intake, and it's super laid back. the therapist just wants to get to know you. therapists are very good at recognizing cues, and ensuring you feel comfortable. your therapist will probably also ask you what brings you there, and want to know how he or she can help you. but that's pretty much it. as a therapist i love intakes. they're laid back, and you just basically chill for an hour and get to know someone. afterwards, if you think therapy would be beneficial, you can schedule the next visit and go from there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3z1ebd", "comment_id": "3z1ebd"}, {"question": "lexapro and drowsiness", "description": "hey there,  my doctor is out of town right now and i can\u2019t get any of the np\u2019s at my local clinic to answer my question.  i\u2019m 30 years old, 5\u201910\u201d, 185lbs, male, taking lexapro 10mg once daily (this is the only drug i\u2019m taking. only drug i\u2019m using and non-smoker.  i\u2019ve never had a lot of medical issues aside from ear infections, which consistently come up from being in the water a lot (i surf). however, i\u2019ve recently started taking lexapro 10 mg once a day at night for anxiety as prescribed by my doctor. i\u2019ve been experiencing drowsiness the last 2 weeks since i began taking the drug. when should i expect the drowsiness to start waning. aside from the drowsiness lexapro has been great and i don\u2019t want to start another medication if i can just wait this out.  any thoughts and inputs are greatly appreciated. i can\u2019t get a hold of my doctor.   thank you.", "answer": "most of the side effects resolve after a week or two, so you're at the long end but getting over it isn't impossible. if it doesn't get any better over another week or two, though, or is really making your life bad right now, you have to decide whether the drowsiness is worse than the risk of having to try a different med for anxiety. there are plenty of other choices and it's not rare to find one intolerable but do fine with another.  simple stuff first, though. how have you been sleeping for these two weeks? is drowsiness constant or does it come and go?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8g5vaw", "comment_id": "8g5vaw"}, {"question": "psychiatrist asked me to get a battery of blood tests, want to know why", "description": "i've been on  **fluoxetine** 40mg for 5 months now and my psychiatrist asked me to stop my meds for a week after i complained of day time sleepiness. he now wants me to get the following blood tests done before going back to visit him.  1. complete blood picture/count 2. tsh  3. urea, creatinine  4. hba1c - glycated hemoglobin 5. serum electrolytes    i'd like to know what information he could possibly get from these tests.   thanks for taking the time :)  ​  * 20 year old male,  * 6' 1\"   * 75kg * asian  * been treated for depression for 2 years now  * stopped fluoxetine 40mg after 5 months \\[reduced to 20mg in the last 2 weeks\\]", "answer": "these may just be routine, but here's a best guess:  complete blood count (cbc) to test for anemia, which can cause fatigue.  tsh to check for hypothyroidism, which can cause fatigue and depression.  bun and creatinine to test renal function, which he would need to know to start some medications.  hba1c to check for diabetes and also establish a baseline before starting some medications.  serum electrolytes are usually checked along with bun and creatinine, so probably just routine panel.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "c6obxi", "comment_id": "c6obxi"}, {"question": "does your significant other \u201cshow\u201d you they love you?", "description": "i (f20) really try to show my fianc\u00e9 (m23) how much i love and care about him. when we passed his qualifying exams, i bought him cupcakes. he loves sugar cookies so i made many batches over the holidays. he loves to fall asleep while getting his back scratched so i do that many times a week even when i am horribly tired. i watch movies that i don\u2019t normally watch so that i can spend time with him. i do all of these things because i love him and i love seeing him happy.  however, he doesn\u2019t reciprocate meaningful or sometimes even courteous actions. i asked him to stop at the store for me today which he promptly responded with a no, he refuses to watch one of my favorite movies with me (that he has never seen) because it\u2019s not \u201chis type of movie\u201d, he has laughed while i have cried so incredibly hard, literally pushes me away from him when he doesn\u2019t want me around him anymore. i have watched countless hours of sports i don\u2019t like just to spend time together but he won\u2019t do anything like that for me. he tells me that he loves me but never actually \u201cshows\u201d it. this has me doubting his love for me at all. maybe he just thinks he\u2019s in love with me because his actions speak so differently.  i don\u2019t know what i am looking for in this post. maybe validation that i\u2019m not crazy or overthinking this. or maybe examples of people that show love in different ways. simple opinions could be helpful too. thanks for reading.", "answer": "maybe look into chapman\u2019s love languages. easy test, two pages long, a-b answers.  it\u2019ll help you and your boyfriend learn how the other understands love. for example my boyfriend buying me presents is nice but it\u2019s not how i understand love. i would much rather be snuggled up together warm and cozy. for him though, physical touch is not how he understands love. he would prefer to spend time together exploring.  you might be working your ass off to show that you love him but what you\u2019re doing is showing love as you understand it, not perhaps as he does  that being said, he doesn\u2019t seem to understand that relationships require compromise. for example- you pick the movie tonight, i pick it tomorrow and we both watch the others film without complaint or trying to leverage the situation.  it also sounds like boundaries might be an issue for you. it is ok to say no. you do not need to scratch his back every night, you do not need to make sugar cookies, you do not need to watch sports you don\u2019t want to watch. when he gets pouty, which he inevitably will, know it is your time to stand up for yourself and what you want to have in this relationship moving forward. you can also try having the conversation from the get-go that you\u2019re feeling exhausted and uncared for and are going to be doing a little more self-care now. when he goes to watch sports you don\u2019t like for three hours go take yourself for a bubble bath (or whatever self soothing thing you like). use the time when he\u2019s being selfish to be self-ful. it sounds like right now the dynamics that he is selfish and you are selfless, and that won\u2019t change until you change it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "f120u7", "comment_id": "f120u7"}, {"question": "i need advice!", "description": "i've been in a relationship for around two years now (m19) with a (f19) it started off great, fun relationship, we're so similar it's ridiculous! i love her to pieces, but lately i've been struggling with the relationship. i seem to have been demotivated with it and i've been shamefully looking at other girls and beating myself up about it. i don't really know what's happened, could be that the honeymoon period is over? i'm not too sure myself as it's my first proper relationship. one of the main reasons i haven't said anything is because i really want it to work! at the start she was everything i've wanted in a girl, but i don't know what's happened. any advice would be appreciated ", "answer": "it's hard to commit to forever in your teens", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6sdrua", "comment_id": "6sdrua"}, {"question": "what's your perspective on people who are mostly \"fine\" in therapy?", "description": "hey, i just made an appointment with a therapist who primarily uses cbt. i have thought about this off and on for a while (i'm 30) because i know so many people who talk about how much therapy helped them, but also i feel like i don't have anything too serious to talk about:   --i feel like i have some social anxiety issues to work through but nothing that really affects my life in a big way-- i don't avoid social occasions or anything, it's more just this feeling that people often don't like me that much which gets in the way of deeper friendships. (i think this is sometimes true, but not always, and a bit of a vicious circle).  -- in general, i wish i was more confident and had better self esteem.   -- i'm going back and forth right now about whether i'm happy in my long term relationship.   --i am moody more often than i'd like, but again this isn't something that affects my life in a real way.   i guess i just feel like i'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. overall my life is good. i don't have trauma, or clinical depression (i don't think). i'm curious about your perspectives on this. thanks!", "answer": "although i get folks coming at me with the torches and pitchforks on here for saying this, i think it's important if not necessary to have goals for therapy going in.  i don't think how severe your symptoms are or issues are have anything to do with whether you should be in therapy or shouldn't.  if you have things you want to work on or try to get more insight into, have a fairly clear idea (and from what you posted you certainly do), then you're a perfect candidate for therapy.   the only issue i've had for some clients is when they've come in, say they want to be in therapy, but continuously say there's nothing bothering them, nothing wrong, and can't identify what they actually want to get out of therapy.... and then for this to go on for several sessions.  at a certain point, it feels like i'm just stealing their money even though many would be more than happy to keep forking it over without us actually doing therapy.     one common saying i find myself using with a lot of folks though is \"everyone's crazy.  it's just a matter of what way and how much.  if you are able to accept that and have some idea of what way and how much, you're 10 steps ahead of all the people out there who think they've completely got their shit together.\"  i'm a firm believer in this.  i think everyone can benefit from therapy.  they just have to have some idea of what they're hoping to get out of it.     it sounds like you've got that figured out though!  i hope you find someone who's a really good fit for you!  best of luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1he67", "comment_id": "c1he67"}, {"question": "i suspect my 5yo daughter has adhd.", "description": "we\u2019ve just been watching up to this point, but now her kindergarten teacher had us in for a conference because she\u2019s been seeing everything we\u2019ve been noticing at home. i know my daughter is an intelligent creative thinker, so school is not my main concern right now.  for now i am most concerned about her social emotional health. she already talks about her \u201cnot remembering brain\u201d or \u201cthe thoughts that get stuck.\u201d her emotions are so very big and she is so very sensitive. when she feels remorse for doing something to her big sister, she feels it so deeply that she says she wishes that she was dead or that she was never born. she\u2019s five.  i am in this sub because of her. i\u2019ve been reading your stories, so thank you. but from this emotional standpoint, how can we help her? what do you wish that you heard or that you were given when you were a little kid like this? ", "answer": "i'd recommend looking at what the circle of security is. it helps parents understand when and why kids play or need support and also what their needs are at given times.  also, many of dan siegels books are great. specifically the whole brain child. it's about connecting and supporting through emotions.   as for what you can give, unconditional love. when she is angry say \"i can see you are really angry at the moment. it is really infuriating when kids don't play how you want.\" (an exanple) give her a hug. then say to her, you are angry, how cam we make you feel a little better. listen to her answer and do what she says, if she can't answer then let her know you are right there and when she needs you she can come and get you. then just sit next to her while she works it off. this works for most emotions. when she's a little calmer, tell her you love her. shame will be a big thing at her age and she needs to know when she gets upset, there are boundaries on how we cope but regardless of what happens you still love her.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "b2es5k", "comment_id": "b2es5k"}, {"question": "i got rejected ? any advice?", "description": "i've been a part of this community for a while now and i decided it's my turn to see these lady benefits.   she told me it was because my quality of life isn't up to par. i don't have a car(i'm 19 and i'm debt free in university) and i wouldn't click well/show off to her friends(i'm also half a nerd). since she's a party person and i'm working hard on a degree over here.   i'm not gonna lie , i've never had a girlfriend. i've had crushes before and have been told no before but i really thought i could've made this one work so this is like my first legit heartbreak.   it's such a surreal feeling. i feel free to do whatever instead of chasing a woman but i also feel anchored because i failed.   what's the next steps to getting over this?   this community is great which is why i'm asking for support, thanks. ", "answer": "from what you write i don't think that girl was good for you anyway. she judged you by your wealth and hobbies. on the other side she made it clear in some way. i think you feel heartbroken because you were already thinking about a relationship with her.  i can tell you what is not a next step - trying to analyze it over and over why you failed. your feelings may make you to re-think it again and again, question yourself. realise this connection (feelings->thoughts->feelings). accept that things like that will happen again. that's working for me at least.  sorry if my answer is a bit chaotic but i have a hard time today to think straight :)  edit: spellcheck.", "topic": "nofap", "post_id": "5watng", "comment_id": "5watng"}, {"question": "my [20m] free testosterone results came back and i'm concerned...is it justified?", "description": "indian, 6'4\" and 112 kg bodyweight. my free testosterone is 5.44 pg/ml, and the report shows the normal range as anywhere between 2.9 to 28.1, placing me near the lower end.  i don't smoke or drink, and lift weights 4x a week. currently taking allopurinol for my gout, 100mg once a day along with calcitriol 0.25mcg+calcium 200mg and methylcobalamin 500mcg.   should i be concerned about the seemingly lower level of free testosterone? if yes, are there any ways to increase it?", "answer": "why was it even tested?  low normal is normal. there is no concern and no reason to do anything about it.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cxgvpx", "comment_id": "cxgvpx"}, {"question": "amitriptyline and high heart rate, a side effect or serotonin syndrome?", "description": "a few weeks ago i was on amitryptiline for 3 days for sleep. i took 50mg the first night, 35 the second, 10 the third. every morning i take adderall as soon as i open my eyes. the first day i noticed i could feel my heart beating fast, and after i moved around my apartment for 3 minutes i decided to check my heart rate because i could feel it even more , moving. it was 140, and normally it would be about 110 ( i have a heart rate monitor so i tend to know what is typical of me in different situations) . 2nd morning same thing ( 140 exactly) though i only took 35mg, 3rd morning was 137. then i stopped because the fast heart beat made me feel uncomfortable especially when leaving home, because it would be even faster.   i looked up fast heart rate as a side effect but didn't see it and forgot about it. but then today i learned of serotonin syndrome, possible from mixing amphetamines with tricyclic antidepressants. according to wikipedia fast heart rate is a symptom of mild serotonin syndrome. as is euphoria. when i spoke to my doctor i asked him if my amitryptiline could have antidepressant effect even at that low dose because i felt a little 'high' each morning after i took it ( a light feeling in my head though my body still felt heavy and sedated).   now i wonder if it could have been mild serotonin syndrome? i'm worried because i'm about to see about starting an antidepressant soon, but if that was serotonin syndrome maybe i am sensitive to getting it? what do you think?  f, 38, 5'5\", 125 pounds, midwest usa, medication i take every day, trazodone for sleep, adderall, sometimes midodrine. i didn't take trazodone the nights i took amitryptiline. thanks!", "answer": "fast heart rate alone is unlikely to be serotonin syndrome, especially with fairly low doses of a tca (even if it is with an amphetamine). amitriptyline can sometimes produce rapid heart rate as a side effect on its own; maybe that's what happened.  if you are going to try another antidepressant you'll see whether it was an idiosyncratic response to the amitriptyline. my hunch is yes, in part because your baseline heart rate is so unusually high. is that the rate you have before taking adderall in the morning?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8cjkks", "comment_id": "8cjkks"}, {"question": "[28/m] does a lack of sexual chemistry with my gf [27] doom our relationship?", "description": "i'm a 28/m and i've been going out with my gf [27] for nearly 2 full years. i love her very much, and our relationship is the first \"real\" one i've ever had. she's the first girl i ever said \"i love you\" to - and that took until our 1 year anniversary to say, bless her patience - and i really can't put into words how grateful i am to have her to lean on and trust and love me for who i really am, warts and all.   this all said, one issue that has come up as a negative is our sex life. we don't hardly have one. we have sex once every few weeks, and on a couple of occasions have gone a couple months. the reason for this is, as far as i can figure out, two-fold: 1) while i love her, and love to kiss her and make her happy, and love to express my affections constantly (we cuddle a lot), i don't find her physically attractive. what morsel of raw lust we did share was spent after the first 2 or 3 months of dating (tops). she's overweight (about a size 12 or 14), and i've always been sensitive to the fact that she's self-conscious and have never pressured her to get thinner. ever. and it's not like i'm only attracted to twiggy girls, or ones that look like porn stars. truth be told i genuinely prefer the girl-next-door type. but for all her charms - and there are many - her body simply does nothing for me. 2) we have no sexual chemistry at all. she likes being submissive, and i find submissives royally boring. in this way her lack of confidence plays a huge role. i find a woman's confidence - sexual or otherwise - very arousing, even if it's not to any extreme level. she claims that i arouse her very much, and that she's perfectly satisfied with our sex - when we have it. but physically and psychologically, we are simply not on even keels, and it's been causing me to pretty much avoid sex except when it's a special occasion or i'm for whatever reason feeling exceptionally affectionate.   i can't stress how happy we are together outside of this issue. really, there are no other problems. and i'm sure that's how our relationship has lasted as long as it has. and in case anyone is curious, we've tried all the usual solutions: being 100% open with each other, incorporating games and porn, the whole nine yards. we're trying when we can to exercise together, but with our work schedules it hasn't been panning out too well. i'm in reasonably good shape and so i've been trying to keep my mouth shut and lead by example. and we both eat healthy when we can.   she knows how i feel, and whenever she gets upset about it it breaks my heart. and i can't help but feel incredibly guilty about how i'm not pleasing her the way she wants, or how inadequate she feels for not looking or acting a certain way. but more to the point, we both worry that while we love each other very much, our sexual frustrations will ultimately cause us to split up.   can anyone relate to this? what can we do? what can i do? i have no intentions of ever calling it quits over this issue, and neither does she. but this is a shared worry because we both feel the need for a solution. are we doomed? ", "answer": "hypothetically: if she lost weight and was now a size 6 (or whatever your ideal female body type is), how might your view of things change?  would you find her visually appealing?  be more likely to initiate sex?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3592wk", "comment_id": "3592wk"}, {"question": "newb", "description": "new to this, i drink every night and  i am tired of waking up with regrets and trying to remeber the night before. i have often made any excuse for my drinking. i work hard, i only drink at home blah blah blah. i am 48 years old and find it hard to remember when i did not have this problem. i am also seeing health issues from the chronic alcohol abuse both mental and physical. i have a wonderful wife of almost 30 years who has seen me go from a person who could take it or leave it for the first several years of our marriage to someone who drinks daily to the point of passing out or if i do not pass out i do not remember more and more.  i could go on and on. this is my first time talking about my drinking with any one other than my wife. thanks for listening.", "answer": "i hope sd is as helpful to you as it has been to me     good luck and enjoy your journey :) ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o7q7y", "comment_id": "9o7q7y"}, {"question": "i'm [27f] struggling to decide whether to end my relationship with fiance [28m].", "description": "we\u2019ve been dating for 4 years, previously friends. we\u2019re compatible, friendly with one another, etc. but we\u2019ve always struggled with intimacy - both of us want more, but it\u2019s hard for me to feel the spark. i\u2019ve been in a high-stress work environment for the past couple years, which could be part of it, but i also think it\u2019s because i\u2019ve lost attraction for him.   since we\u2019ve started dating i\u2019ve been really focused on growing my career and my personal goals. he\u2019s had a stagnant job that didn\u2019t provide much stimulation, and also doesn\u2019t pursue much outside of it. he cites unhappiness, but hasn\u2019t been willing to change.   because of this, i always feel like i\u2019m the one bringing something new - like places to go, or events around my friends / social circles - to the table. he\u2019s always along for the ride, and super supportive of me. i don\u2019t mind sharing my life, but wonder what it would be like if we were both contributing. he\u2019s mentioned how he\u2019d enjoy being a sahd, but that\u2019s not what i envisioned for my relationship.   we\u2019ve done counseling. we got un-engaged, then engaged again, to relieve pressures. a year ago, we moved away, which has given us more space/time to focus on ourselves and each other. but this hasn\u2019t improved. moving away has made it harder for me to feel comfortable in this \u2013 so maybe i should give it time \u2013 but i don\u2019t think it\u2019s encouraged him to explore his wants/needs.   we\u2019ve talked, a lot. he knows i\u2019m confused as to what to do next. he doesn\u2019t want me to leave, and expresses that all he needs is me. he also said that he thinks he may be depressed, and maybe he needs to get help. this is something i\u2019ve only just started to wonder internally, but has never been acknowledged between us.   i\u2019m torn. i know this isn\u2019t a no-deal issue in a relationship. i feel lucky to have what i do now. but i\u2019m not sure this is a normal feeling / dynamic for relationships. and i feel guilty that despite his support i\u2019m not attracted to this. has anyone come across this? how did you proceed?   tl;dr: my fiance and i have been struggling for the past 2 years. how do i know when to walk away?", "answer": "go to couples counseling. in three months the answer will be obvious.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ompl6", "comment_id": "5ompl6"}, {"question": "why 2 therapists asked me if i've had sex?", "description": "i was referred to 2 two psychotherapists on  2 separate occasions when i was in my early 20's. the main reason was anger issues/self harm. both these therapists were women, and both showed and big interest in if i was a virgin, there repeatedly went back to the question of if i'd had sex yet, i felt they asked in an inappropriate way and were 'getting off' so to speak about asking me this/ the sexually questioning as a way to make me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. this is something that made me very angry like if just happened yesterday even though its been 6 years,this is because if a man had challenged me like that at this period in my life i wouldn't have hesitated to beat them senseless but i've never hit a women i feel they were hiding behind their gender i clarify that i refused to see the first therapist when after she started to ask me these types of questions and the same thing when the second therapist took the same route. the second therapist also never stopped string at me see kept trying to hold my gaze and never looked away which is rediculously rude. so my question is why were they so interested in if i had had sex , were they being pervy women or is this a normal question to ask in sessions? p.s i assume i'm right", "answer": "relationships and sex are common concerns among people in their 20s and people treated for anger.  these are common questions.   if you assume you are right, i'm not sure exactly what you are asking.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpyr3j", "comment_id": "gpyr3j"}, {"question": "can i take a melatonin to help with lack of sleep caused by effexor?", "description": "i'm 27 f, 155 lbs, 5'7\", white. primary complaint = side effects from antidepressant.  i just began taking 37.5 effexor for depression and anxiety. i also take 100 mcg of synthroid daily. i occasionally take 3 mg of melatonin to help me sleep, but i try not to do it more than one or two days in a row because it makes me a bit drowsy the next day.  i took my first effexor tablet on sunday night, and both sunday and monday night were difficult. i couldn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and feel exhausted. i am going to transition to midday instead of at night, but in the meantime can i take some melatonin to help me stay asleep tonight, or will that really mess up my sleep?  any advice is appreciated.  thank you.", "answer": "taking melatonin is fine.  is this effexor xr or plain effexor? if the former, you should probably take it in the morning to avoid messing up sleep.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f9jnek", "comment_id": "f9jnek"}, {"question": "how do i respond to \"your sister is very pretty\"?", "description": "so, i get a lot of compliments about my sister, like \"your sister is gorgeous\" and so on. how do i respond to this kind of compliments? do i approve? do i say \"well yeah\"?  it always ends up in an awkward situation.  side facts:  i am male myself \"i\" get those compliments from girls and guys", "answer": "either shrug or give them a look and go \"dude, that's my sister\" ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "5hx0dv", "comment_id": "5hx0dv"}, {"question": "how should i (22/f) maturely respond to this situation with my boyfriend (22/m) involving double standards, jealousy, and feeling left out?", "description": "i am consulting reddit because i really just want some good, wholesome advice on how to respond to the situation in the most mature way possible, because i want the best for my relationship.   it's a pretty short story, but anyways, my boyfriend told me that he is going to a music festival in a month with our friends and that there is only one spot (implying i can't go).   i want him to go & have fun, but i think i am just feeling some natural feelings of jealousy. also, i know for a fact, that if the situation was flipped, he would be very very very upset & feel super left out... so i kind of feel like i just would never do that to him in the first place. also... we have never had any true \"fights\", we are best friends and music is our thing & we have always done it together and had a blast. we aren't attatched at the hip, we have our own things that we do alone that make us happy, but music has just always been one of those things that we love doin together.   i just feel a bit confused because he has always been the one in the relationship who is a little more 'clingy' if you will... he doesn't really care to do things if one of us is being left behind.   the thing is- i feel pretty fired up about this, and my mind is just going full speed thinking about him partying late night at a festival without me, hanging out with beautiful ladies, etc... but i trust him, so i know that is silly to worry about. the thing that bothers me the most is that i know he would be even more upset than i am if the situation was flipped. i just don't want to make a big deal about it so he doesn't go (then i would feel extra lame), but i don't want to just bottle up this frustration and accidentally take it out on him and other ways, and i don't know how to just let it go.   would love any words of advice on how i should approach this. ", "answer": "you said 'our friends'; how did the one spot land in his lap not yours?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70b4j7", "comment_id": "70b4j7"}, {"question": "i think i might have npd", "description": "i have always known that there is something wrong with me, but i didn't know what. after my last failed attempt at an intimate relationship, i have started reading about bpd (something that was fitting for my symptoms) and then npd. i think i might suffer from the latter, as well as half of my family, and i am worried that i will end up all alone, in my high tower, having alienated everyone.  i am good looking (not the best, just good) and hypersexual, yet i mostly masturbate. i don't want a partner, unless i perceive him as really desired. in this case, one out of two things happen: either i earn his heart and trust and then alienate him out of fear that he will abandon me (thinking to myself \"did i do that? did i seriously do that? why? oh, at least it's my fault, so i can fix it next time... it's not that i am unwanted per se)\"; or i win him, then i discover that he's not that great after all, and move on to the next victim without any real regard (\"suck it up, that's life\").  as i want to experience real love and intimacy with a partner i desire, i need help asap to change my shitty ways and stop manipulating and exploiting people.  my fears are comical: first of all, i fear that my \"partner\" might think about me in the same way that i think about him. which is a totally disrespectful way, as an object (of desire), a mere function, an accessory... 1. he is my partner, my sweet-talking vibrator, my walking erection (caused by me, of course i can tolerate the though of his dick getting hard for another woman... if he fucks goats, i'm ok with it), my sweet smile (as long as it's me making him smile) - 2. my pet empath, my mirror-mirror on the wall, i can shine my brilliance at him and watch him reflect it back on myself with the vibrant power of thousand projectors. he has something i lack and desperately crave, he has empathy and can give love, things i lack, but desperately need. each and every time i think to myself that this time i will make right. but i always do wrong. the harder i try to avoid damage, the worse the damage is. 3. he's my personal audience, my faithful dog, dare he not be happy being faithful or being a dog, it makes me want to annihilate him. i am vindicative, but i don't take revenge, as i recognize that it won't help. but i have sworn revenge to many people, not only romantic partners, but anyone who disrespects me in any way.  i don't want to talk to people, i want to charm them and capture their minds and hearts. i pretend to listen and understand them, but only because i know that this captures minds and hearts.  i don't want to have sex with men, i want to demonstrate to them my passion and enthusiasm, my bedroom acrobatics, hook them and make them crave me, this is my fantasy. actually, if i have to be fair, i am a pretty mediocre lover, unless i am enthusiastic about the partner (and myself, and how he looks on me). then i become ... an enthusiastic partner, which is always good, but nothing very special.  after losing a romantic interest to my ego one more time i have decided that i can't afford this cycle to continue. last time i tried to avoid manipulation and pretense, but things became horrible. i decided to \"show weakness\", but instead i raped emotionally the poor man and i feel awful. i vomited my insecurities and inferiority complexes all over him.   such horrible self-inflicted humiliation shattered my ego and i was a barely-functioning zombie for a while. i discovered a website, extensively dealing with npd on the webs, and i think that it perfectly describes the way my brain works. the funny thing being, these things were always there, but i couldn't see them. my grandiose fantasies, my addictive behavior, total disregard for others, my addiction to flattery, including self-flattery (can't do anything about it - my own ego manipulates me into total submission).  my own version of empathy - i don't think about others, i will myself to think about others, then quickly start thinking about how i am thinking about others and how empathetic i am.   even after discovering what is wrong, i just can't stop thinking about myself and my narcissism.    professionaly, i am doing ok, i  love my job. it's the only thing capable of distracting me of thinking about myself, my problems, my brilliant persona, etc...   i can see how pathetic i am, or more likely, how just ok i am and how huge the gap between my self-image and real self is. it stings my ego, but that's ok.  the question is, can i learn how to love. not just men, but my (imperfect) self, our (imperfect) world and to value this imperfect life. or is this like diabetes, incurable?", "answer": "narcissists tend not to think of themselves as narcissists...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "61n4wu", "comment_id": "61n4wu"}, {"question": "going back to yoga after a majorly triggering experience? help", "description": "a little background: i have a long history of childhood abuse followed by a sexual assault a year ago. i started doing yoga in order to start healing the trauma \u201cstuck\u201d in my body. i\u2019d gone to a studio in my town a few times, always with the same teacher. about a month ago i was in class when we were instructed to do a certain pose. i got into the pose, unaware of what would happen once i did as it was a new pose. i ended up severely triggered, re experiencing my assault in class, disassociating and all. it was the very first pose of class. i couldn\u2019t have left without drawing major attention to myself unlike if it was in the middle or end of class. i felt trapped. i went through the rest of class in a haze. i don\u2019t remember any of it except for when there was a pose that involved hanging from the rope wall upside down which i said no thanks to so she suggested a different pose. the same one that triggered me. i explained i wasn\u2019t comfortable with that pose. she then went to modify it to be more physically accommodating. i quietly said it wasn\u2019t a physical discomfort i don\u2019t like having my body in that position like that. she finally got it and gave me something else. i got through he rest of class and haven\u2019t gone back. the issue is i like yoga. it\u2019s helpful for my trauma when i\u2019m not triggered. this was the first experience like that. every time i think of going back to that studio i get sick to my stomach with anxiety. so i thought maybe a new studio. no still makes me sick at the thought.  i\u2019m wondering if others have experienced this, if so how did you manage it? did you talk to the teacher? did you find a new class/studio? did you use coping skills to be able to go back? i know i could talk to the teacher but trauma is avoidant. i don\u2019t wanna share that i have ptsd and yoga can trigger me. should i consider a new studio entirely because of my experience? at a loss of how to both not get anxious about yoga but continue to do it despite the negative experience ", "answer": "i second or third just doing your own pose! so many people in my yoga classes just do their own thing.   also, you may want to look into \u201ctrauma sensitive yoga.\u201d you can probably find some on youtube. basic premise is to invite people to do poses but nothing is required. ", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "a0m5w1", "comment_id": "a0m5w1"}, {"question": "will my dad survive with a sodium level of 104 and low potassium?", "description": "56, male, 5'10, 175lbs, caucasian. duration of complaint: +1 week (complaint was feeling weak, slurring his words/sentences, confusion/inability to follow simple requests/instructions, no appetite, vomiting, low blood pressure). location: east coast, usa / entire body. high blood pressure and colon polyps are the only medical conditions he has. he takes high blood pressure medication & that's it.   ​  heart and brain are okay but his potassium was extremely low and his sodium even worse. the nurse said she's been doing this since the 90's and she's never seen a non-comatose patient with as low sodium as he has, nor did the entire icu with shift change. they dripped a bag of saline into him and told him he needed to be admitted overnight. he refused for a good 15-20 minutes, literally yelling to leave until my family and i convinced him to stay. it took that and the doctor to tell him if he left this hospital, he would die due to a seizure and that it was basically a death sentence. if not death, brain death.   anyways, they admitted him, he had a potassium drip (+2 large potassium pills) and a magnesium drip. he took 3x melatonin pills to get some sleep because he couldn't sleep there on his own and was extremely tired. lots of blood drawn.   is my dad going to be okay? genuinely? i need advice. he's my last parent alive. thank you.", "answer": "the nurse wasn't exaggerating, and that definitely gives the lowest sodium i've ever seen serious competition. that's a crazy low  number. it's possible to recover if it's corrected slowly, but there's the important question of why it went so low. that's probably the most pressing issue after fixing the immediate problems.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "chin4q", "comment_id": "chin4q"}, {"question": "fast food directly correlates to my depression", "description": "this is something i have noticed over time.  now, i have been depressed for a while due to childhood abuse, but it changed when i stopped eating junk.  i have lost 33lbs so far and every time i eat even a small portion of junk food i just feel like crap after.  maybe this is one of the causes?", "answer": "nutrition has a huge impact on mental health, especially depression.  empty calories are going to cause you to have lack of energy, gaining weight can hurt your self image, too much sugar or caffeine can increase anxiety.   while what works for me certainly won't work for everyone, i can say that when i decided to change to a vegetarian diet (lacto-ovo vegetarian) within even just about a week i felt a substantial increase in energy, started losing some unhealthy weight i had gained prior, and felt generally less depressed or stressed.  of course i have to always make sure i'm getting plenty of protein, iron, and b vitamins, but overall it's been worth it for me physically and psychologically.  probably the most beneficial aspect of being vegetarian wasn't even giving up meat and other animal products so much as much as it forced me to give up most of the fast food and a lot of other junk i was eating.     you don't have to be a vegetarian to have a healthy diet, but making sure you're paying at least some attention to making sure you're getting enough of the nutrients you need while not filling yourself up with too much crap will have a huge impact on your mental health.  same thing goes with making sure you're eating regular meals without going too long without eating or not over-eating too often.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9dw5x6", "comment_id": "9dw5x6"}, {"question": "how do i know if yhe antidepressants are working?", "description": "20f, 50kg, 166cm. 200mgdesvenlafaxine for depression and 1 quetiapine pill to help me sleep (both taken daily)  this is pretty straightfoward. how do i know of my antidepressants are working? i still feel suicidal from time to time and i am tired all the damn time. i like sleeping and just being in my bed all day in general. i got a job and i'm in college, but all my free time is spent in bed.", "answer": "that's something to discuss with the doctor who's taking care of you. it doesn't sound like you feel good, but there's still a question of whether you feel better than you did without the medications or still entirely the same (or worse). each of those possibilities would be handled differently.  if you still think you're depressed, you're probably depressed.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fg6i8a", "comment_id": "fg6i8a"}, {"question": "how do i address a big lie that i made to my coworkers?", "description": "i have had issues with lying for a long time but have made great progress in the year. however i recently lied at work  a judgemental co-worker asked where i live and i said that i live with my brother. this is technically true though i live with my whole family. normally i would address this lie after a month or two. however, my brother and father may have covid.   is there a way to address this without damaging my professional career? my therapist and psychiatrist are currently on vacation and it's causing me to have panic attacks at night.", "answer": "i hope nobody would say anything,  since the context here is that two of your family members may be seriously ill.   if your coworker learns that your dad and brother are sick and responds by trying to clarify the arbitrary details of your living situation,  that that is your co-worker 's problem.   and of course,  working on truthfulness and appropriate work boundaries can be something you focus on moving forward.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnwg9j", "comment_id": "hnwg9j"}, {"question": "looking for observations (i.e. a pre-second opinion)", "description": "hi folks. looking for an opinion on how necessary you all think a second opinion/different counselor is in the situation. also looking for observations that you could point out. jan had seen a psychologist for a previous relationship briefly and didn't have a good experience there. ted had never seen a psychologist before and sought out this one when relationship issues arouse.  names changed for privacy.  our \\[jan + ted\\] counselor \\[beth\\] who we have had near a dozen appointments with said in a solo appointment with jan that they believe jan's behavior is normal an entirely normal reaction to abuse and that ted is both emotionally and verbally abusive. this was done last wednesday. ted and jan haven't really talked a lot since, and i will leave out my opinion of the reasons to try and allow you to be more subjective.  the text below is the text messages that were exchanged this morning while ted was at work and while jan was at home with the infant.  in your observations, can you also outline whether you think the context is extremely important, or whether there are some pretty obvious observations.  thank-you so much in advance.  ​  \\*\\*text start\\*\\*  jan: my plan is to leave today. any objections or are you ok with it?  thought i'd keep you in the loop, even though you couldn't care less about us. you won't listen to me, you won't listen to beth \\[our relationship counselor - a registered psychologist\\], so i'm out of options. and you honestly seem like you don't care. avoiding, not talking. you won't fight for this nor vow to change your abusive behavior.  ted: i vow to investigate the abusive behavior and find a resolution for it.  jan: what does that mean?  ted: i would rather keep working on things because our goal is the same - to have a happy, healthy relationship to show tina \\[our 7 month old child from our current 1.75 yr relationship.\\]  jan: are you trying to imply that i am the abusive one?  ted: it means i will:- make a better plan to prevent any abusive behavior. i will clearly communicate my plan to prevent any abuse, as that is our number one goal. i want to work with you to find the balance between \"avoiding\" and engaging that we are both okay with.- it means i will: read more into behavior therapies and look for healthy templates for communication to use. - it means i will commit to 15 minutes per day (although hopefully spending more) into looking into this these and or planning.- - it means i will listen to what you and beth have said, and also seek out a second opinion because of some of the assumptions it feels like beth made. this is secondary to the above things though, but i feel like it's a necessary step for understanding.- i also hope that in doing so, and getting a second opinion, there is also potential for diagnosis in case it actually is something like asperger's or npd that i have.- also, the therapy would feel like a form of support so that i can feel heard outside of the emotionally charged situation in a healthy manner, and be educated by an informed/natural source on things we disagree on. i want to figure out what questions we need to be asking about things to come to a better understanding of them.  jan: you're so unwilling to accept you're abusive when you are upset - from a registered psychologist- that you need to get a second opinion? i think what beth was trying to do doing your sessions was to help you stop using abusive language and behavior, but you won't accept it?  and you don't like her because she didn't know gottman? even though she's counselled many people for 15 years? i'm sorry, but i'll take her word for it that you are abusive and i shouldn't be scared to leave anymore.  ted: i hope you can empathize how hard hearing something like that is. and understand why a person would feel like they need to understand it and feel understood in order to accept it.  given that the fear/consequences of me \"not accepting it\" are probably that the abusive behavior continues, i want to focus on stopping the abusive behavior instead of focusing on the whether i believe the label is accurate or not, because i feel like the guilt/shame/resentment that come along with the usage of labels will not help in taking accountability, and will not help in making things better.  jan: you'll never take accountability anyway, this is hopeless.  ted: i feel like forcing someone to accept a label that doesn't coincide with their identity is counter-productive for the reasons mentioned above.  i know accountability is important to you - it's important to me to - so what i am taking accountability for is the shitty behavior. i'm taking accountability of the insults. i'm taking accountability of the manipulation (even though i don't understand it). i'm taking accountability of my stubbornness. i'm taking accountability of my contribution to our misunderstandings.  i'm taking accountability for the fact that it hurts you.  one of the steps in taking accountability is the steps listed above (and more that i have to come up with yet. another step is this message; committing to taking accountability. a third step is this:  \\- jan, i'm sorry that that behavior of mine that is abusive has hurt you. regardless of how i was feeling at the time, i see now more clearly than ever mistreating someone is never excusable. i vow to do communicate my plans for improvement better with you to help you understand the action as am taking.  jan: perhaps you don't believe you are abusive because as you said last night, no one from your past has called you abusive or mean. but i suppose i've seen what you're like when your mad more than anyone else before.  and it honestly seems you don't care or want to fight for this. you couldn't care less if me and tina left - as evidenced by last night and this week.  lack of talking, avoidance.  you show no empathy, no remorse, acting heartless.  ted: please tell me what that looks like to you then.  from where i am at, asking every day how you are doing shows that i'm not avoiding. is it my fault that neither of us know the questions to ask to make the conversation go further? yes, about 50%.  jan: \\*sent a screenshot from a web article [WEBLINK](WEBLINK) around the section titled \"empathy and hurting others\"  ted: i am so confused and hurt by you saying that i am avoiding you. i am respecting you telling me to get the fuck away and respecting you saying that you're done. constantly barraging you feels wrong to me. giving you space when you ask for it, checking in, and allowing you to respond on your own time do not seem like abuse to me.  jan: \\*quoting previous text from ted\\* \"if you're expecting me to \"fight for you\" or fight to make things work here, i won't be. because that would likely get labeled as manipulative/abusive behavior - a trap i have fallen into before. \\*end text quote  i guess you warned me you be fighting for this. i'm not gonna bother anymore.  you even told me you wouldn't fight for this. wow i'm an idiot for even trying to get to show any empathy or remorse for what you've done.  goodbye ted, i will only message you for things related to tina henceforth.  ted: i'm taking an early lunch. (implying that he is coming home for lunch)", "answer": "not sure what you are asking.  if there is abuse or control in the relationship,  couples work is not a good idea until ted is engaged in abuse treatment.   in my opinion,  putting too much time into the text message exchange is not useful in helping either ted or jan. it focuses on content rather than process,  and both parties need process.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "huqmax", "comment_id": "huqmax"}, {"question": "just took a blood test and was wondering whether i have diabetes or not?", "description": "hi i'm 27 years old, 5'7 tall/short, and weigh just under 250 ib, for the longest time my diet consisted of 1l daily intake of juices and carbonated drink + junk food. the other day there was a thread on reddit about diseases and shit, and it quite frankly scared me, so today i decided to take a blood test for diabetes, i've eaten breakfast at around 7:45 am, and drank coffee around 9:00 am, i didn't eat anything afterwards until i took the test at around 5:00 pm and these were the results:  WEBLINK  so am i diabetic, or has allah bestowed upon me a new life?", "answer": "assuming that \"fbs\" is blood glucose that's a normal reading and you're fine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9g32st", "comment_id": "9g32st"}, {"question": "is it ok to gift your therapist something?", "description": "i have been going to my therapist for a little over three years now. she helped me through my darkest times and i don\u2019t think i would be here anymore, if i didn\u2019t have her.  she is pregnant with her first child (a little girl), as she has lost many pregnancies before.  my next appointment is soon and after that she will be in maternity leave, so i won\u2019t see her for at least half a year.  embroidery is a hobby of mine so i thought about gifting her a neckerchief with embroidered flowers on it for the baby.  do you think gifting her something would be ok or is it inappropriate?  thank you in advance for every answer <3  (and sorry for my not so great english... it\u2019s not my first language)", "answer": "something small that you made is probably fine.  it sounds very thoughtful.  some offices have gift policies,  usually related to monetary value.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqvs7b", "comment_id": "gqvs7b"}, {"question": "can you make a (1st time) doctors appointment and pick up an initial prescription with an expired drivers license?", "description": "my drivers license is expired, 2 months. fucking add lol.   i have to get a medical checkup for my heart to get my prescription prescribed, and then get it at the pharmacy. in order to do this i need to get a general doctor (it\u2019ll be my first visit). last time i did a first visit (over a year ago) with another doctor i had to give them my drivers license which was valid at the time. i have health insurance and a health insurance card with my name on it.   i\u2019ve been getting my current prescriptions with the expired id, just a sleeping pill (clonazpam) and wellbutrin. there just seems to be more red tape to go through to get adhd stimulants than my other prescriptions (a benzodiazepine). the pharmacy workers recognize me and usually don\u2019t ask for id anymore, but since it\u2019s a new prescription, and a controlled substance, i figure they may need one.   since it\u2019s a health issue i\u2019m wondering if the valid id requirements are more lax.", "answer": "that\u2019s a lot of stacked counter active medications. a benzo is a downer and adhd meds are stimulants. they would cancel eachother out in a way not helpful to your brain or efficacy in self. also wellbutrin is mildly stimulating.   are you considering anxiety or substance abuse as the core factors to your symptoms?", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "behpbb", "comment_id": "behpbb"}, {"question": "too much of a good thing?", "description": "hey, guys!   new to everything, made this account in a bit of a panic so that i could get some opinions. next doctor\u2019s appointment is a month away so i\u2019m a little desperate.   anywho, i was prescribed 20mg of adderall xr a few months ago (this was after a lengthy process of confirming that i had adhd, and that this medicine was the correct next move to treat it) and the results have been really great. i take it, and about an hour later i feel quite extraordinary; focused, confident, sociable, and in a way very excited to be alive. it\u2019s a sort of contentment i have never felt before. naturally, this has me worried.   i can\u2019t stop wondering if it\u2019s working too well, or that i\u2019m getting too much of the medicine and what i\u2019m feeling isn\u2019t consistency or focus, but euphoria. i keep wondering if it\u2019s somehow getting me \u2018high\u2019 (i\u2019ve always been a total dork and have never used any drugs, and also barely ever drink so i don\u2019t have a great frame of reference).   sometimes at the mid point of the day i\u2019ll start to sink a little, and the excitement of being alright with wear off. it never returns to the way it was before the medicine, but there are declines and slumps. i\u2019ve become so worried about those slumps that i have started to obsess over them while i\u2019m still feeling great, and i think that\u2019s forcing me into a slump like some kind of neurotic self-fulfilling prophecy.   is this even possible? is my medicine getting me high? am i crashing?  is this all just me being anxious and sabotaging myself?  i\u2019d love to know if anyone else goes through this, and if so, how i can stop worrying about the slump so much that it kills the focus.   thanks in advance!", "answer": "i'm a therapist.  i've struggled with adhd seemingly since i was a teenager but was never diagnosed or medicated until a little over a year ago (i'm 32 now).  i take 10mg adderall twice a day.  once with breakfast and once with lunch.     for about the first week of taking it i did feel very slightly \"high\" as i was adjusting to it.  other than it being a stimulant, i think part of feeling good, confident, sociable is that for us folks with adhd, it's really going to help kill a lot of your stress and anxiety that you're just used to walking around with all the time.     for instance, even on good happy days prior to being medicated, my mind was still always racing.  i used to tell folks that half the time my inner monologue seemed like one of those fast talking auctioneers.  whether i was happy or not, that shit is exhausting.  i never realized just how exhausting because it was just \"my normal\" for as far back as i could remember.  not having to deal with that all the time helps me feel good, more confident, sociable, and yes.... excited to be alive now that i don't have to deal with all the struggles i've dealt with regarding adhd as much.     i don't know how long you've been taking it, but for me, after a few months i got used to it.  i still feel great but it doesn't feel like \"oh....yep....that's definitely gotta be the meds.\"  it feels more like \"okay.... this is how people without adhd feel.  cool.\"   i don't take my meds on most weekends because anyone taking them can build up a  tolerance.  i don't want to have to take any more than i am now to get the same effect.  when i don't take them, i go back to being pretty scattered on the weekend, but if i don't have any major responsibilities, i'm okay with that.     there is a crash when the meds start to wear off, especially when you're not taking xr.  right before i'm due for my second dose or when that's wearing off and i'm on my way home, often i'll feel a little extra anxious and up tight.  it usually only lasts about an hour before i calm down.  it's just something i've gotten used to and figure is well worth it for 8-9 hours of being able to function like a \"normal human\" during the day.    ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "aqyhzo", "comment_id": "aqyhzo"}, {"question": "how to determine whether a child was abused?", "description": "(obviously not posted from an account that shows identifying information.)  content warning:  pedophelia and possible rape.  a couple i know needs to determine whether their nine-year-old daughter has ever been raped, molested, or otherwise abused by an adult who lived with them for three years (and no longer does).  the adult turned out to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic with a sexual fantasy of raping children.  however, they have never been physically or sexually abusive.  they are also a coward, driven largely by fear, and unlikely to take risks.  it seems very likely that this person has never molested anyone.  however, there remains the possibility that they may have committed some offense while drunk enough to remove their inhibitions (and perhaps while too drunk to remember).  the child is a people-pleaser due to insecurities, and likely would not resist abuse.  she has previously suffered some form of abuse that she will not discuss with her parents because, she says, talking about it is \"inappropriate\".  that abuse happened before she knew her current (adoptive) parents or the other adult in question.  off the top of our heads, there are three concerns:  1. how to get information from the child.  if something happened, she may not admit to it.  2. how to avoid priming/leading the child's answers while questioning.  we need an accurate answer, not the child's guess about what the parent is hoping to hear.  (i was thinking something along the lines of, \"what did you think of \\[adult\\], when they were the one watching you?\")  3. this may be a job for a therapist.  but sometimes therapists still lead the child's answers with their questions, and in the worst cases, can implant memories of abuse that never happened.  if a therapist is sought, how can the parents be sure to find one who is knowledgeable and conscientious about avoiding this hazard?  (i presume that any therapist will proudly claim to be careful about this if asked directly.  so asking directly cannot yield real evidence.)  i hope that point 3 is not offensive to anyone here.  but the child's well being is far too important for me to not state the concern plainly.", "answer": "i agree with psychoshaman.  if you are coming to reddit to ask about this rather than going to a professional therapist for the fears you stated in question three, you're most likely not equipped to handle this.  i hope that point isn't offensive.     if something did happen to your child, forcing or even pressuring them in the slightest to talk about it before they decide they're ready is one of the worst things you can do.     do not attempt to get information from the child.    instead, let them know that you care about them and you will always do everything you can to keep them safe.  let them know that if there's ever anything that happens to them where an adult hurts them in any way, they can come and talk to you about it, that they won't be in trouble, and that you won't love them any less.     if they feel safe and secure enough with you to the point that it wouldn't be damaging for them to tell you, there's a good chance they will.     this is the best way to avoid causing further harm to the child and make sure that they're not being lead.   aside from that, take them to a therapist.  tell them you're concerned that they may have suffered some kind of abuse, don't seem ready to talk about it, but that you want to know what happened.  don't give them any details past that and you won't have to worry about them leading your child.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds310t", "comment_id": "ds310t"}, {"question": "i\u2019m a russian jew and people feel i\u2019m condescending and cold", "description": "hello and thank you all for reading and weighing in.   i\u2019m 35 and have been in the us for most of my life (since 7) - i don\u2019t have an accent. but i very much was shaped by my culture. my family is argumentative and my mom can be a bit mean and sharp herself.   i have several friendships that have lasted over the years. but due to moving every other year when i was young, i got used to changing friends and not working on relationships. so it\u2019s something i\u2019m actively trying to work on now.   i\u2019ve been complaining to my partner how i don\u2019t have a \u201cbest friend\u201d, that one girlfriend i can call anytime with anything. someone to hang out with. in our mid 30s things are different i realize.   anyway my bf is telling me that i need to change how i am with people. that i can\u2019t be so cold. and people perceive me as condescending. i\u2019ve been told this before and he says he\u2019s heard from others similar experiences.   i tend to get argumentative, i\u2019m kind of a know it all.   i\u2019ve studied and practiced meditation for years. but don\u2019t practice daily.   is there hope for me? what can i do to improve my personality so people receive me better and so that i can build stronger more loving bonds with people in my life?", "answer": "aww that would be so hurtful and difficult to hear. i\u2019m so sorry. as someone that\u2019s known and been friends with many russians and eastern europeans i know a lot of that is cultural.  some more americanized americans tend to sugar coat things and use a lot of \u201cfluff\u201d in how they talk and interact with others especially the southern states where i was for 15 years (this isn\u2019t a criticism just an observation and i\u2019m totally guilty of this too also canadians are probably extra fluffy and polite lol i grew up in both places so i\u2019ve seen it).   sometimes it\u2019s about finding the right people who accept you for who you are. some people might think those things for whatever reasons, others won\u2019t or they won\u2019t take it personally.  there are also ways to help soften some of your ways of being.  it sounds a bit like you didn\u2019t really have the role models growing up that were warm and fuzzy so you never really had the opportunity to learn what that\u2019s like. so there may be some things to adjust and work on, not completely change who you are.   you\u2019ve been given the opportunity to start being more aware of yourself and your ways of interacting.  you can start to notice when you might be coming off in these ways and see if there\u2019s a different way to word it to soften what you\u2019re saying. did you bf give you any examples of when you\u2019re coming off cold or condescending? that might be a place to start.  edit: wanted to add it is really hard to find friends in your 30\u2019s, i\u2019m right there with you. the friends that i could reach out to all live really far away and i haven\u2019t really found them where i live now.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "es0whp", "comment_id": "es0whp"}, {"question": "going to the therapist gives me anxiety attacks", "description": "so, first things first, i am poor, depressed, and in college, so my experiences with therapists are bottom of the barrel.   for my depression, i want to see a therapist, or get a therapy pet, but when i go to talk to the therapist, i feel awkward, angry, and depressed. afterwards, i go into a panic attack, sometimes during.   all the therapists do that scribbling thing like you are a lab specimen, an experiment in brain fuckery.   the scribbling, the writing. it isn't just that because i've asked them to not write (heh, the dude said sure and played the it doesn't matter if she isn't looking into my eyes and wrote anyway) but that specimen feel. like the depressed monster on the slab.   i dunno why i had to write this. partially because i can't talk to therapists well, i feel they don't listen for the human connection?   as far as things go, i can't even find a name for my anxiety around therapists, or any help from anyone.  because fuck me, right?", "answer": "well as person in graduate school who will soon be a therapist, in session, i would want to know if the writing is bothering you.  i know you brought it up before but it seems their head is to thick to pay attention.  tell them all you just typed out about how it makes you feel.  these are intense feelings you just described.  i'm sure they don't realize on what level it bothers you.  how are you suppose to get to the therapeutic stuff if the behavior they are engaging in bothers you?  the feelings of anger, depression, panic attacks, and awkwardness are all normal.  you are going to someone to tell them shit you don't tell anyone.  it would be unusual if these feelings didn't come up.  they will subside as the therapeutic relationship strengthens.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2md0z9", "comment_id": "2md0z9"}, {"question": "unstable identity gives u gender dysphoria?", "description": "for 95 percent of the time i feel like a cisgender female , i like having my feminine body and my feminine face. but i have these very few moments where i get extreme gender dysphoria  out of nowhere? like i want to be a man so badly for a short sporadic period of time . but it\u2019s not consistent nor do i like he/him pronouns ..., is it bpd unstable sense of identity ???? anyone else have this ? this extreme shift in identity where u badly want to live a man\u2019s life and live as one . but then like a match it just burns out???", "answer": "i do not have a diagnosis of bpd and i experience this at times (but i\u2019m also a slightly androgynous male).", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "fq4hju", "comment_id": "fq4hju"}, {"question": "girl [28f] is seemingly in love with me [22m] and i don't feel the same way, will i ever?", "description": "i've been talking to this girl a good while...she is very smart, cute and good personality, but that's where it stops. honestly she has major feelings for me and it's something that i feel most have not had for me...she does things for me that no girl has done before and i don't ask for anything from her, she just does it...based on what i am attracted  to she has started to do things differently to appease my tastes.. zero pressure from me....the only thing is, i'm not so sure i would do the same, and i feel like shit because of it and i continue to talk to her. now i do things for her, it is definitely not a one way street and  i find her attractive (physically, mentally and spiritually) but not to the extent where she is at. there's little things that she doesn't do that kind of makes me second guess should i continue a relationship with this girl. i'm really hoping she will grow on me because she's a women that will take care of the person she is with, without a doubt...just from the way she's been i know. and i am looking to settle down. is it wrong on my part to play it out? i don't want to hurt her. ", "answer": "usually falling in love doesn't 'grow' on someone. it happens relatively quickly. there are people who choose relationships for reasons other than 'in-love spark' however.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yn83q", "comment_id": "6yn83q"}, {"question": "even with the people i'm closest to, it seems like i'm one bad conversation away from it being the last thing i ever say to them...one step over the line from never seeing them again.", "description": "it's like i'll forgive people for some crazy shit, but i have to be perfect to earn a spot in someone else's life because i'm just that inherently worthless.   if i say one thing wrong or break this image of being a perfect friend then it's all over because they can see the real me, and my image goes from white to black.   then they abandon me forever...just like everyone else.", "answer": "i was talking about this exact feeling with my therapist last week", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "8jipif", "comment_id": "8jipif"}, {"question": "how does ptsd present itself in everyday life? legitimate question.", "description": "i have been confronted with the notion that i may have complex ptsd.   i have some days i am great and others, when the triggers are discovered or happened upon, where i am bad. i am bad not just for a day or two but for weeks. it becomes debilitating until i am able to get ahold of myself and get back to my \"normal\", which is more of a contented state, not really \"happy\" per se.   i wanted to know if it is normal to go through periods where life seems ok stable and then go through others where it is like living in a waking nightmare. i've struggled with this for a few years now and when the bad times come, they are incredibly difficult to maneuver. i wanted to know, if anyone does not mind sharing, what it is like in a day to day life living with this.  i've recently opened up to my doctor about what has happened in my life and we are working through some things. i like to educate myself. thank you guys so very much. ", "answer": "highly recommend the book complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving. the authors website, www.pete-walker.com, also has some good info on what the experience of complex ptsd is like (e.g. see his section on emotional flashbacks). ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "6j4gw3", "comment_id": "6j4gw3"}, {"question": "the most neglected and misunderstood disorder?", "description": "i feel like dpdr is the most neglected and misunderstood disorder that exist.  it is like we\u2019re screaming for help but no one understands what language we\u2019re talking. i want people who don\u2019t live with this disorder to understand how painful it is. it\u2019s like we try to explain to other people but there is no use, because the disorder is unexplainable. how can we make other people understand? how can we raise awareness for this. our voices are not being heard, we are not being treated right, we are not being seen, getting the help we deserve. having a disorder that\u2019s so neglected is traumatic. can\u2019t we do anything to raise awareness to this?", "answer": "> i feel like dpdr is the most neglected and misunderstood ~~disorder~~ that exists.  a common symptom in trauma and stressor related disorders and cases.", "topic": "dpdr", "post_id": "ic606d", "comment_id": "ic606d"}, {"question": "weitgh loss and period", "description": "i posted a while ago that i was feeling great and losing weight with metformin and a low gi diet. i\u2019m down a total of 14 lbs and my periods have gone from once every 4-6 months to a 39 day cycle \ud83d\ude4c\ud83c\udffb i\u2019m thankful that i learned about insulin resistance, for my situation managing that has been a game changer. stay strong ladies, pcos is a b*tch and i hope that all of you on this journey find ways to manage your symptoms that work for your body \ud83d\udcaa\ud83c\udffc", "answer": "i should also add, metformin has worked absolute wonders for my acne which i have struggled with my entire adult life. i\u2019m 28 yrs old and my skin has never been so clear", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "cx1cml", "comment_id": "cx1cml"}, {"question": "my neighbor may have broken in my house today, while i was home", "description": "i live in an apartment complex and have known this neighbor for a little less than a year while living here. he lives with his girlfriend in an apartment where his first floor porch faces my driveway/front door. so he always sees our friend's cars parked out front and tends to invite himself over whenever he feels he wants to 'get in on this.'   i lost a spare key some time ago and had been unsure to chalk it up as carelessness (tho i remember using it to get in the house, then putting it on the counter) or if it had been taken from me.  today i got home from work around 4:30 and locked the door behind me, like i do everytime out of habit. my boyfriend had already left for work so i was in an empty house, aside from being on the phone with my boyfriend. that's when my neighbor called. i had a bad feeling about that call because once in the past, he had called my phone to see if i am home when bf is at work. then when i got home, an envelope with ~$200 was missing. again, could have been carelessness (but goddamn, 200 is worth a lot to me right now). suspicions of my neighbor being a theif have risen since that incident, along with 2 others- both where weed out on the table dissappeared while bf and i were out. each time, the neighbor had knowledge of these valuables. i really get a bad feeling from him in general. i've seen him go on xanex binges and steal candy from stores and i hear the way he talks about ways to get over on people in little ways that will go unnoticed. to me, he's a snake.   anyway, i was hanging out on the couch today, talking on the phone to my bf after work when (after the phone call) there was a knock on the door. i didn't answer it, but had even more of a feeling that something was going to happen. i knew neighbor was the on knocking and felt like he was testing to see if anyone was home and would answer.  so bf got off the phone and i turned the tv off, i was just chilling and redditing on my phone. that's when i hear what sounds like my lock being turned by a key and my door cracks open, there he is. the couch i was sitting on has a direct view down the stairs into the foyer where the front door is and goddamn, seeing his face there sent me in more of a rage than i have ever felt. i start yelling at him \"you fucking opened my door with a key! that door was locked! what the fuck?!?!\"   and his defense? \"oh, the door was unlocked, i swear! i just opened it to make sure that your house was safe!\"  i wasn't wearing pants and was wrapped in a blanket and was just screaming at him for lying and opening the door and to get the fuck out of my face and door. slammed door and locked, followedby serious rage home alone.  i didn't call the cops.  what if it was unlocked? like i said, locking the door when entering is my habit, but what if i hadn't locked it for some reason? wow, i wish i called the cops.i am so enraged. this kid is a pussy douche. he wouldn't have come in and hurt me, but he would have probably snooped around just looking for weed or money to steal if he had the oppurtunity.  i want him to fess up to having our key, but what if he doesn't have it? he also for sure knows i hate when he let's himself in my place. i'm not tight with him like that.  plus he has a warrent out for a failure to appear for traffic court... he could be takenaway, i am so mad i didn't call the cops right away in retrospect. i had to get this off my chest, i.am.angry.", "answer": "there are three steps that you need to do right now. not tomorrow, not in an hour, right-the-heck-now.  **one:** call the police. tell them basically what you wrote here, that you're sure you had locked the door and you heard him turn the lock. even if he is some \"good guy,\" his excuse is lame as hell. \"i'm opening your door to make sure your apartment is safe?\" give me a break.  **two:** call your apartment's management. tell them about the incident and that you feel unsafe. if they're halfway decent people, they're going to do two things: change your locks free of charge and kick that asshole out.  **three:** if your apartment's management aren't halfway decent people, call a locksmith and change your locks yourself.  listen, i'm not trying to frighten you, but it appears as if a stranger has access to your home. you don't know him and you need to rectify that situation as soon as possible for your own safety. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1ey0fc", "comment_id": "1ey0fc"}, {"question": "when should i tell my employer i have an overseas trip coming?", "description": "so it's not so simple. i found the perfect casual job today. had my interview/trial at a nice izakaya(japanese bar) and the owner was nice, everyone was nice and the atmosphere was great. few small mistakes here and there but i took note of everything and got along well.   so the problem is i have a short family vacation in a few weeks(20th of july) and i will be away for 10 days. the normal weekly shifts will be 3 days per week  so i've calculated i would miss 4 if i went away. for this week i am suppose to come everyday until saturday to be trained.  i want the highest chance that my employer will keep me without canceling my trip. should i tell him tomorrow? end of the week after training finished? end of next week when i have received my first pay?    little background info: 22yo uni student in town thats hard to land a casual job. ldr gf is also coming along the trip and i only see her twice a year, so canceling it would be such a hassle for me, my family and gf.   tldr; when should i tell i have a short overseas trip coming up? i did the interview already but i was never asked if  i had any upcoming unavailability.", "answer": "as soon as possible. if you've been hired, its because they assume you will be a good worker - no need to prove that you are.   if you wait, sure they might trust you more, but chances are they trust you already because they hired you. if you wait, you're also potentially making things harder for them , and they may wish that you had told them sooner.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "c8clkk", "comment_id": "c8clkk"}, {"question": "i (m30) want to constructively communicate about responsibility with my so (f29)", "description": "i'll try to keep this short and non-critical as i can. examples are for clarity, not complaints.  i'm getting quite frustrated with my girlfriend of ~2 years. she's a great girl by most measures, but i'm having trouble communicating my position/worries about personal responsibility with her. she's quite low-maintenance, as typical things go, so maybe i should shut up and be glad, but she's got some of what many guys may consider a childish outlook in terms of responsibility. here are some examples of situations that bother me:  1. driving directions: many times this has happened. i'm driving, so i ask her to gps directions. she will, but not without thorough instructions. some part of me gets to the point where i want to yell \"i can't look at the phone because i'm driving, figure it the hell out yourself!\" worse than that, yesterday for example, i ask her to get directions and the route that google suggested was totally nonsensical, so i told her \"look at the full map and tell me where i need to go. i don't need you repeating what the gps says because it doesn't make sense, i need you to read the map.\" and she proceeded to repeat what google said. i stopped, read the map, and it was clear that the gps had me going the wrong way around 10 blocks instead of just making a right and going 2 blocks.  2. lack of car maintenance: early in our relationship, she had a car with some miles on it. long story short, it leaked trans fluid over time and the trans ended up grinding itself to death. she sold it for scrap and bought another car. it made awful noises and lost power on its final journey, but she seemed to have no idea. on another occasion a tire blew out on the highway (not sure if low pressure or she hit something, she claimed to not hit anything) so she drove a couple of miles to an exit before calling aaa. in both cases she paid for everything, of course. what i can't deal with is that this sort of negligence could ending up getting her or someone else hurt or costing us as a married couple because she simply has no knowledge/desire/belief that she should have to do anything to maintain her car. everyone has the responsibility to look after their car, and i've tried telling her that you need more than just quick checkups at oil changes. i even had to teach her how to check air pressure. i'm super happy to teach her anything and everything, and i'll even help change oil/whatever with her (not for her), but seriously, she's gone 12+ years driving cars without ever checking her air pressure? this shit could get someone killed.  3. lack of awareness: this one came up today on a 4 hour road trip. first, she slept the whole way, made no offer to drive, didn't even say thank you for driving. worse than that, we've been planning a birthday trip to a destination ~2 hours away, but this road trip was to the beach and she said she'd prefer to go to the beach for her birthday.  fine, but she acts like there's no effort or cost in driving. there's seemingly zero consideration for anyone's effort. same goes with cleaning things up around the house (she doesn't live with me, but spends almost every night at my ). also related to driving: despite us talking about how bad it is to merge onto highway traffic slowly, she merges onto highways at speeds like 45mph. somehow she just doesn't have a concept that what she does is wrong or not good enough.  4. she gets upset really easy: if i try telling her something she's doing isn't good enough, i'm just being a jerk. the crying threshold is very low in general. it seems like telling her to go figure something out on her own is an unjust imposition and knocking her down like she's not good enough. it makes things very difficult to discuss without getting her very upset.   i know this seems to belong in /offmychest, but i'm only listing stories for color/clarity. to me, it screams of growing up as daddy's spoiled little girl. she's usually very low maintenance, but there are so many times where i just want to tell her that i'm not her dad and i'm not here to do everything for her and she needs to step up figure shit out on her own sometimes. i want an equal partnership more than a traditional relationship. i don't mind sometimes indulging the old-timey relationship ideals, and i don't mind playing the gentleman, but it's so hard to give more when i feel like i'm silently expected to wait on her. it makes me want to leave her behind with her arms full and let her realize she's a big girl and has to do shit. and it's usually little things on a daily basis, so i'm stuck in that place where any one thing is niggling but the whole picture adds up to a big complaint. but if you start making lists, you're an asshole. i'm made comments in the past and i'm frequently told that i'm just being mean, like me asking her to assume a duty is being mean because no one has previously asked her to have to be actually responsible for anything.  tl:dr: my girlfriend is generally low maintenance but doesn't actively try very hard. if i asked her to paint a wall, i feel like i'd have to show her how to open the paint can, pour it, wet the roller, roll it on the wall, when to re-wet it, and if the wall came out bad, it was my fault for not explaining something. it makes me scared about marriage, like i'm going to have to do everything simply because she doesn't think she has to figure out anything on her own. like the kid in school who can't do 6+5= because she was only taught how to do 5+5= in class. i want to talk constructively about this with her but i feel like i'm just going to end up being a jerk and getting mad.   thanks!", "answer": "everyone has idiosyncrasies that are best ignored. save your energy for big stuff. my wife hasn't turned off a light or locked a door in 38 years. the key to ltr is letting go of the small stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7a4s", "comment_id": "6b7a4s"}, {"question": "losing my best friend (ex) or my potential partner", "description": "basically, i was in a relationship with this guy for 8 months or so until i broke up with him around the beginning of november of this year. we both are best friends with this other guy but recently me and this guy have become even closer as we're in uni together and have been spending a lot of time together. we both started noticing that we have so so much in common and just always having a great time hanging out. we then began to start thinking differently about each other in a different light for the last month or so and we just got closer and closer as time progressed. a few nights ago, we kissed and then chatted about the pros and cons about what will could potentially happen next. we both felt we kind of suited each other and that we always seemed to always get along and never argue or anything in the slightest. my head has just been all over the place now because i know my ex would not be happy with what has happened but i also really think me and this other guy can work extremely well together. ", "answer": "your friendship with this guy is more important than what your ex thinks", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktebz", "comment_id": "5ktebz"}, {"question": "my husband was in a wreck with an 18 wheeler. has a brain injury, multiple fractures. in icu for a week+ now.", "description": "hi reddit. i haven't posted a lot. i usually like to lurk. but i need to vent and just ramble for a bit.   my husband was on his way to work monday august 18th. this was his last day on his 4 days rotation. has 4 off. he woke me up and kissed me bye and hugged me. said he was going to the convenience store to get drinks for the day.   at 6am i get a call from his work asking where he was. i got this awful feeling something was horribly wrong. i look in the house to see if he went back to sleep on the couch or if his car was there still. he wasn't there. so while checking to see where he was his boss gets back on the phone to me and says \"i am so sorry but i was just told by other co workers there was an accident this morning.\"   i immediately hang up and dial the police station asking for info about the accident and if it was my husband. dispatcher puts me on hold with what feels like forever. gets back on and tells me yes it was him and they had care flighted him to another hospital 45 mins away. we live in a small town so whenever they care flight you know it's bad.   i hang up and call my cousin asking for her to please drive me there. i couldn't drive in that state. also we have two small children.  two and seven years old. so they couldn't be left alone obviously. took my cousin and her husband a few minutes to get to me. while i waited i called the hospital getting info about him. they said he came in through er and got him stable and took him to icu. he had a bad brain injury and multiple fractures to his face arm and leg. all left side.   while my cousin was driving they let me speak to the neurosurgeon before he took him to surgery. he said to me point blank \"he has a serious head injury there is swelling and bleeding on the brain and i'm not sure what i can do for him.\"   at that point i lost it and begged for him to please save him.  that he had me and 2 little girls at home and was a good man. he said he would do his best. that was at about 7am or so.   we get to the hospital and they make us wait in this waiting room from 720am or so until almost 10:30ish is when they finished the surgery on his head. however they didn't start his surgery until 823am when the or nurse called to let me know. then once they closed the head up orthopedics came in and cleaned out his fractures but could not set them at the time.   the neurosurgeon finally came out and talked to me. said they had to remove part of his skull to relieve the brain swelling and were able to stop the bleeding but had to clip some type of artery which could cause strokes later on. i didn't get to see him until around 1 or 2pm. time is fuzzy still. i walked in icu to see him. he is on a ventilator. both eyes black. face very swollen. has a jaw fracture. broken cheek and eye socket. arm and elbow broken. leg broken. however he has no internal injuries somehow. spine and heart lungs other organs are all fine....   he has not woke up from the accident yet. they said they don't know if he will or if he does what extent of the brain damage is. he does have reflexes and moves away from pain.  he absolutely hates it when they clean his mouth out. his grip is very strong when he squeezes. sometimes he will squeeze on command sometimes not. he does move his legs and neck a little.   he is currently in surgery right now with them fixing his arm and leg. tomorrow depending on how he handles today he will get the facial surgery tomorrow to correct those fractures.   i got a copy of the accident report and the sgt who worked on the case is a friend of mine. said somehow he ended up on the wrong side of the road and clipped the 18wheeler,  went down the side of the trailer hit the back wheels and the car spun around. they were the only 2 cars on the road at the time and the truck driver fully cooperated. was a huge national trucking company here in the us.   i highly doubt my husband fell asleep at the wheel. when he woke me up to say bye he was fully dressed and alert. he went to the store down the road. i verified his purchase with my bank account and the time stamp. he did not text and drive, is highly against it. always wears his seat belt. i suppose it's possible he dropped something and went to get it but i doubt it again. knowing my husband he always keep his eyes on the road.   when the mail came monday around noon there was a notice about a recall for this particular model and something with the car can cause you to lose control of the car with breaks and steering. this could explain a lot. there were no skid marks indicating he tried to break or steer away.   also no history of blackout or strokes but always a possibility i suppose. we did retain council as the truck drivers insurance company was harassing my family and neighbors and even the police dept clerks for information about my husband and i..... also they will be looking into the recall and keeping the car safe from people tampering with it.   i am hoping and praying he can make some kind of recovery from this. he is a very strong man and the fact that he lived from the accident is amazing in itself. i am aware his brain injury is bad. and he will probably never be the same again but i have hope.   for now this is all the info i have. probably have forgotten some things along the way.   please reddit keep us in your thoughts and prayers. and if there are any of other subreddits where i could find any support please let me know. i know there are so many.   thank you all for reading.  8/28/14 1am edit: thank you all for your kind words, experiences, thoughts and prayers. it really means a lot to me and will to my husband when i tell him about it after his facial surgery tomorrow. letting him rest tonight. i am about to get some sleep myself. or try to anyways. i will keep everyone updated for sure.   8/28/14 7pm edit: my husband had his facial surgery today. had 3 titanium plates added. he loves the robo cop movies so i told him he is kinda like half robo cop now lol. hopefully he is listening and got a laugh outta that. the surgeries have taken a lot out of him you can tell. his face looks so tired and not as responsive as he was but they said it shouldn't be too big of a set back. thank you all again for your kind words and support. really means a lot to me.   made new thread with update.   WEBLINK", "answer": "i am so sorry this is happened  to you and your family. i hope that the insurance companies do not cause added stress for you. you will likely have family and friends volunteering to do stuff for you-- i would suggest maybe designating one as a go between for the insurance company so that you don't have to handle those details right now.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2er6gx", "comment_id": "2er6gx"}, {"question": "hey there ladies and gentlemen, let\u2019s commit to not be on here tomorrow asking for a reset!", "description": "the weekend is upon us.  secure your grip and check your footing.  the sober train is rolling, let\u2019s all stay onboard!  iwndwyt!  choo chooo \ud83d\ude82", "answer": "yooo ready for a full saturday of sunshine! let\u2019s get it! iwndwyt !", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "by13u4", "comment_id": "by13u4"}, {"question": "4 years in, 1 year from marriage. help!", "description": "hi guys, long time redditor but here on a throwaway and never visited the sub before.  i wanted to run my situation past you as i'm just not ready to speak to my friend group or family as they are too invested in the situation.  i (m26) have been with my fianc\u00e9 (f27) for four years now. living together for 3 and engaged for 1.  we have had an amazing relationship and still when it feels right, it's amazing. we clearly love each other, the trust is there and we enjoy each other's company. the issue is, in the last few months when i'm supposed to be getting excited about getting married and planning away, i've actually been feeling more and more distant from my partner.  i've begun to get worried about the situation getting worse and the last thing i want is to get a few months out or even closer to the wedding and finally realise it's just not working, it would absolutely break her in two.  part of my problem is that i can't figure out exactly what is wrong, i just feel like we're growing apart. in my opinion, a lot of our issues stem from a mismatched sex drive with mine admittedly being above average and hers being below, but i have been made to feel unreasonable about it, with no happy compromise, we simply have sex when she wants it, which is increasingly infrequent.  there are also a lot of personal issues that she deals with around unresolved family issues, struggles with mood and anxiety and over time, encouragement and support to help has been ignored. i don't want to be put into a situation where i feel like i'm laying down an ultimatum that something has to be done or we can't get married, but it's a big deal for me as i feel it could really impact our future together.  talking generally results in upset or anger, so i don't really know what to do.  if anyone has experience of a similar situation, i welcome any input you have. i think i'm mainly hoping to separate out general nerves around committing myself to someone forever and warning signs of impending relationship failure.  my head is a muddle, so i don't know if i got this across correctly at all, so please ask questions if there is anything i'm being vague or unclear about.  genuinely, thanks so much in advance to anyone who even reads my problem, and even more so to those that can offer help and advice.", "answer": "we're all a package deal. after 4 years, you know who she is. likely nothing different now than before. most couples have to find common ground with libido. is she getting treatment for mood and anxiety? maybe you two could see the therapist together to fine tune all these issue.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zhu2n", "comment_id": "6zhu2n"}, {"question": "from my understanding, effexor raises the levels of serotonin and norepenephrine, but what about dopamine? is there no effect, or does it actually decrease it?", "description": "  i'm sorry, i' know this is kind of a science-y question, but i'm very interested in an explanation here so i can ask my doctor for further guidance towards my treatment regimen. if you feel like this would belong in a better subreddit, by all means recommend it...and any answer is greatly appreciated!  ​  i'm a 30 year old white male, 170 lbs. the only medication i'm currently taking is effexor. suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder.   so, i've been on 75 mg of effexor for just over two years now, and it has been a godsend for managing my ibs symptoms as well as lessening my anxiety. but the antidepressant effect is still not realized, which is why i'd be interested in working with my doctor to increase the dosage.  however, in spite of the fact that i take the medication upon waking (and with food), it makes me feel quite foggy and as if my concentration has been hampered. in a way, i guess you could say it has created it's own subtle depressive \"blah\" feeling. this hasn't dissipated after 2 years, which is why i've been reluctant to increase.  but here's where the story thickens:  not being a coffee or tea drinker, i never had much of a caffeine tolerance built up. but last year when i tried caffeine tablets at the advice from a friend, i noticed that this brain fog, lack of concentration, and \"blah\" feeling instantly vanished - and it's been managed with these tablets ever since.....another godsend!! however, as you can imagine, the caveat is increased anxiety and in turn, increased ibs symptoms. it's kind of a mini vicious cycle.  from my understanding, caffeine predominantly affects the reuptake of dopamine only, and after doing some reading online about how effexor starts to affect the reuptake of dopamine at higher doses, i was wondering how true this all is. in other words, it can be more \"stimulating\" at higher doses.  would it actually serve me better to increase to 150 mg? is this a worthwhile discussion/question to bring to my doctor?  thank you for any advice!", "answer": "at 75 mg effexor acts mostly as a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, and it's higher doses that produce norepinephrine reuptake inhibition. the effects can be quite significantly different, not just \"more,\" at higher doses. because norepinephrine is stimulating, that would be the primary cause of any stimulant effect, i think, rather than dopamine.  caffeine is a whole separate discussion, but it acts primarily on adenosine receptors and only indirectly on dopamine.  in any case, yes, effexor is different enough that an increase in dose can produce significant changes and is worth a discussion with a doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ahdg9h", "comment_id": "ahdg9h"}, {"question": "moderation is harder than abstinence?", "description": "i have listened this this naked mind a couple of times and love amy grace's nuanced and compassionate approach. one thing she talks a lot about is how stressful it can be to drink moderately, and this is really hard for me to accept but i think it's finally starting to land. i have a handful of experiences now that confirm this. i used to think i needed alcohol to be sociable, but have recently experimented with abstaining in situations where i would previously have invariably cut loose, such as going to a show at a bar or camping with friends. i am finding that i like being fully aware and present in these moments, and alcohol is not nearly as tempting as i expected it would be.   i think it's turning out that my biggest trigger is actually being alone at home with \"nothing better to do.\"   i still haven't managed to string together more than about a week sober, because as soon as i start to feel normal and my confidence comes back, i find myself thinking \"i can handle it, a couple of beers sounds nice, what harm could that do?\" which, of course, is typical rationalization and of course i know all too well what harm those \"couple of beers\" can do.   i guess i'm just looking to hear something from the community about your experiences on your journey back to the world of the living.   has anyone else felt similarly?   any stories you'd care to share?   any suggestions on how to handle that insidious voice that tells me \"don't be so hard on yourself\" and to \"just relax and don't make it such a big deal\"? (i have temporarily nicknamed this voice hexxus, but am trying to think of a better name for him).     is moderation a tenable goal for anyone who has been addicted to alcohol?", "answer": "i tried to moderate for years. took me much longer than i wished it did to realize that it doesn\u2019t work for me. stove was hot every single time i put my hand on it, but still thought (or hoped) it wouldn\u2019t be too many times to count.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "cyqlmo", "comment_id": "cyqlmo"}, {"question": "looking for advice on coming off my medications", "description": "age: 18  sex: female  height: 5'2\"  weight: 130lb  race: caucasian  duration: two years  location: the depression is in my brain  medical issues: depression,anxiety, and migraines. i also have seizures but nothing diagnosed  medications: zoloft 75mg, abilify 2mg  recreational drugs: marijuana three times a week  smoking: vape  looking for advice on supplements, or natural ways to come off of my medications. i plan on talking with my doc next month, but i would like to go in with some ideas.", "answer": "there's nothing that clearly helps with stopping medications. the important questions are why you want to stop and what the medications have, or haven't, accomplished for you.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cl60bc", "comment_id": "cl60bc"}, {"question": "how do i find the right therapist?", "description": "i did find a couple of therapists specific to my needs but no therapist in my area has a good internet presence so there is no way i can look at reviews. also, i have tried but i can't ask about it to everyone obviously.", "answer": "i wouldn't rely too much on reviews. internet presence is unrelated to training,  clinical skills or expertise in your specific issue .  personally,  i am against reviews for mental health services because of confidentiality issues . i would never want my patients to \"out\" themselves online. even if they are willingly leaving a review,  there is no telling what circumstances can change in the future .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gun9n7", "comment_id": "gun9n7"}, {"question": "is anyone here on disability?", "description": "i am wondering if anyone is. i am possibly interested in pursuing it. i'm worried i may get rejected. ", "answer": "lurker here: i'm a therapist and have at least 8 clients with bipolar disorder (as well as mdd, schizoaffective, & schizophrenia). many of my clients are on some form of disability.  word of advice: you will likely get rejected, regardless of the merit of your claim. most of my clients (who needed it) were rejected their first time. i have a personal hypothesis that the gov. rejects many people the 1st time to weed out those who actually need it and those who are just trying to scam the government, as those who really need it will keep pursuing it. ", "topic": "bipolarreddit", "post_id": "15k59s", "comment_id": "15k59s"}, {"question": "can a person die from overt hepatic encephalopathy?", "description": "a 65-year-old woman with approx. 25 years of aud has grade 4 he precipitated by a minor gi bleed. she slipped into a coma while in hospital and was quickly intubated and sedated. published papers cite less than 50% one-year survival after severe ohe but is it likely that she will die imminently? if so, how/why? is it edema the thing to worry about?", "answer": "you don't usually die of hepatic encephalopathy, but you die of the liver failure that causes encephalopathy. risk of death really depends on level of liver damage, and that is best answered by asking the medical team involved.  complications that can cause death are varied, and which ones are or aren't likely depend on specifics we don't know. if she's had a gi bleed, there's the risk of massive gi bleed from both varices and impaired clotting due to poor liver synthetic function.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dqdmtz", "comment_id": "dqdmtz"}, {"question": "waiting for him to contact me first in order to give space?", "description": "i'm gonna try to make this quick, me (f25) and my ex (m28) are dating but are not official we were together 6 years, broken up for about 4 months. because we aren't official, i can't get mad when he doesn't call, ect. however, last week, i asked him to call me on a certain day to set up plans for the weekend, and he didn't, so i did get upset. he got all upset because he's set up this rule that we can't see each other more than once a week because he's afraid of being official just yet and doesn't want to rush things. fine, i'll respect that. i last saw him sunday, called him monday because i was feeling anxious about something and just needed to ask him for clarification. he was a little annoyed at it, at first but told me he saw where i was coming from. have not heard from him since. on friday we had a little argument, and he still texted me later that night to say hi...so i would have thought i would hear from him by now, as he's been texting me pretty much everyday. i'm wondering if he'll contact me tonight, as it's been a few days.   i want to contact him because i have a lot of good/cool things i want to share with him, but because i want to give him his space and make him worry about me if i haven't contacted him first (i'm usually the first to contact) i'm hesitant. but, i'm just worried if i don't text him he'll just think i'm losing interest, but, the other day i made it pretty clear that i was all on board for getting back together officially when he was ready. i've read other posts where guys have said that if you want to contact him, just do it because if you don't, it shows disinterest, however, this situation is a little bit different. am i doing the right thing by just waiting for him to contact me first so that i've given him some space?   **tl;dr** dating ex bf, but we are not official, i usually contact him first, but now i want him to contact me first so i can give him space. wondering if i should go for it or if i am doing the right thing since i don't want him to think i'm disinterested. ", "answer": "in the short term, i would respect his space and not completely bombard him.  it's difficult because you have all this history but essentially you are that beginning of the relationship period of not wanting to come off as too clingy or needy while not letting things fizzle.  you have stated your intentions though, so he knows.  i would also consider if this is worth going through all that nervousness and unsureness again to try this relationship out again.  to me personally, what you've described of his behavior sends off red flags for me, but i don't know you or him personally and your relationship together so i can only speak of my opinion.  i would suggest for you to consider if this is worth going through or if you are going back to him because of the familiarity of the relationship  in the long term, i would honestly suggest if you both are invested in your relationship working to go to couples counseling.  there is going to be a lot of baggage from being together six years, breaking up, and getting back together.  for you both to get off on a good foot this time around and not let that baggage get in the way, i think would be highly beneficial to work through any of the issues that led to the break up and help to establish your relationship together now in a healthier mind frame. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1diu2k", "comment_id": "1diu2k"}, {"question": "am i [29/m] going crazy? can someone tell me if i wrote or implied something i'm missing to my gf [26/f]?", "description": "this is infuriating me. my girlfriend of 1 year seems to be under the impression that i broke up with her when i only asked that i needed some time to myself since i was mad at her. today i messaged her and dropped off her favourite drink and she said \"its over\" because i said it was over yesterday over text (which i did not). i told her several times that i did not say this and to pinpoint exactly in our texts when i said this and she said she said i did it indirectly. i apologized to her if she interpretted things wrong but i did not mean that at all. she insists that it was me that broke things off and says that now i want her back and that i have a sudden change of heart.  in any case, i've attached a screenshot of the whole convo. it would give me so much peace of mind if someone can critique this objectively and verify if what my gf says is true. i am at my wits and so dumbfounded at how we're both interpretting this differently. my only conclusions are:  - she genuinely misinterpretted things due to her emotions getting in the way - she won't admit she screwed up - she's looking for an excuse to break up  some context to the conversation: we were supposed to meet up before she went to dinner with her parents. up until the very last minute, she flaked out on me. this is literally upto the last minute as the earliest time she could've met up with me is 5:30 and she was supposed to have dinner at 6 (which i found out after, i thought thye were meeting at 7). cooincidentally, i chose to meet up with parents around after meeting her  here's [part 1](WEBLINK), and [part 2](WEBLINK) of the conversations  tldr; girlfriend thinks i broke up with her based on the convo on the two links above. please confirm that she misread things or not", "answer": "you overreacted, and your girlfriend exhausted her supply of guilt and began to feel attacked.   next time, if she fucks up and you'd like to stay in relationship with her, say \"that really sucks\" and drop it till you can communicate without whining about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gdg8l", "comment_id": "6gdg8l"}, {"question": "dude is moving waaaay too fast emptionally.", "description": "so i am moving to texas next month, and because of this one of my friends from there decided to set me up with a guy in her congregation.  he is really cool, and we like a lot of the same things, but we've only been texting for 3 days and he is now calling me pet names and texting me to say good morning beautiful and stuff like that.  he has also said \"come over to my house\" kind of seruously.  never mind the 1500 miles between us that feels creepy to me. i am not comfortable with this behavior at all, as i am really (really really) independent.  how should i proceed? is it not worth trying to even make it to the first date?  edit: i am 19(f) and he is 22(m).", "answer": "just tell him the pace you need", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68uc1v", "comment_id": "68uc1v"}, {"question": "it's coming for me", "description": "   the last two days i have been feeling very drained. extremely tired. today i have been feelings very bad. every time i stop doing something i feel something drag me down hard. this weight hits me as soon as my mind is no occupied. i know that something bad is coming. i hope i can fight it off.  what ever this is is very dark.  but just about an hour ago i went to eat a bit of my left over lunch and when i stopped i practically had to run to the kitchen because what ever this dark thing is was going to make me stab myself with the dork if i held it any longer.  i just cannot grasp my mind away from this thing.", "answer": "i think it's time for a hospital visit, friend. technically you are having thoughts of hurting yourself. i would go in and talk with some nurses just to be sure. ", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "agsokf", "comment_id": "agsokf"}, {"question": "trying to taper, quit, or manage your substance use in the new year? try using this free app i made.", "description": "**what's good y'all, happy almost new year!**  for everyone that's trying to taper off a substance, control their usage, spend less money on drugs, take tolerance breaks, or overall keep themselves in check in the new year, i wanted to mention this app i created called tablets.  i knew a little bit of coding (i dropped out of my second computer science class) but i figured i would start a side project in my free time. i started working on an app that my friends and i used to track our substance use. it has helped one of my best friends follow a benzo taper plan as well as help many that have reached out with quitting or managing their substance use.  **everything is stored locally on your device** (focusing on privacy) and it's easy to use and nice to look at. data can be viewed in many ways including custom metrics *(what is the average time i wait between my doses of ___? when is the last time i took ___?)*, and can be **exported/backed up** to a spreadsheet or **deleted** at any time.  i put 200 hours into this update over the last 6 weeks and it's finally at a point where i thought i would share it once again, however it's still in active development and i'm implementing new features basically every week.  [here's a link to the app store](WEBLINK)  thank you for the love and stay safe!", "answer": "thank you  edit: okay wow, so it\u2019s actually pretty cool", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "eiale9", "comment_id": "eiale9"}, {"question": "me (29m) need help with online dating.", "description": "whenever i message girls i sometimes give a compliment, talk about hobbies, share something that makes me unique, talk about something crazy that happened that day, ask the girl questions about herself.   now my problem is that they usually send short replays and eventually stop texting back. even though i ask open ended questions.    i've been told i'm a 6, so not the most attractive man out there. i'm a clean cut dude with his priorities in order, i live alone in the nice part of town. so i have accomplished something in my life, which should make me more appealing?  i do understand that i don't drink or do drugs. i don't like bars and clubs. which most young people seem to like these things. i'm a childfree atheist in a religious area.   so my questions are: am i boring them? or i'm i so different that they really aren't even interested? or is it most girls are looking for someone that's over a 6 on the attractive scale regardless of life accomplishments?   any and all advice would be great. you won't hurt my feelings.   oh and i'm very subtle and respectful. i'm not like \"hey i've done something with my life so you are obligated to talk to me\". i'm not like that at all and just clarifying just incase i came off as snobbish.     edit: just wanted to add that in person i seem to do fine talking to girls. maybe because joking around is easier idk.      ***edit: here is my dating profile description i use. constructive criticism is welcome. ***  i live alone so no pesky roommates lol!  i don't do drugs. i'm cool with weed but i don't wanna lose my job and benefits over a joint.  i like to play video games and hang out. they say i'm an intelligent dude and deep conversation is a plus.  on a typical weekday i work 10 hours then like to come home and rest for a bit. maybe go out to eat and chill, play xbox, and read. maybe even hit up the hot tub or pool.  i'm the type of guy would likes just hang with friends and cut up, play video games, table top games, netflix, read, maybe have a drink somewhere i don't have to drive afterwords. dubstep shows are pretty cool as well.   \u2022i'll be honest with you. \u2022i'll be a faithful companion. \u2022i'll be supportive. \u2022i'll never ask you for money. \u2022i'm self supportive, i only want your companionship. \u2022my mother doesn't pay my phone bill. \u2022 i'm well spoken. (no \"yo homie g\" from me). \u2022 i'm very approachable. \u2022 i will calmly work through problems.  i will not let you use me.  i want a partner that will work with me not against me.  i want a partner that wants to work with me so we can have financial stability and a better life overall.    ", "answer": "the key to online dating is this: it only takes one.  and you might talk to hundreds of people before the one. don't sweat it. be yourself. be patient.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pk7ss", "comment_id": "6pk7ss"}, {"question": "see colors in the dark?", "description": "   21 years old, female, 5'6'', 130lb, no medical issues or current medications.  i was wondering if you could tell me why i sometimes see colors in the dark. it's normally about ten minutes in after i lie in bed (with no lights on and shades and curtains closed). during that time with my eyes open i occasionally see slow flashing colors appear as if i put on a pair of colored shades. they normally tend to change colors every few seconds. such as it will start with blue, red, purple,to green, orange, then yellow, but never stays in that exact order. i have had this since i was a child, and have never asked anyone about before. hope you can help. thank you!", "answer": "that sounds like prisoner's cinema or phosphenes, the fancy terms for the phenomenon of perceiving something without a light stimulus. the exact reason and mechanism isn't very well understood, at least as far as i understand it, but my best guess is that a large contributing factor is how much of our brains is given over to seeing and making sense of what we see. without enough actual input, such as in the dark, our brains try to interpret the lack of data and produce odd sights somewhat analogously to the way the deepmind neural network software (in)famously found animal faces everywhere by overprocessing data. our brains are literal and original neural networks and do something similar.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9o8lvi", "comment_id": "9o8lvi"}, {"question": "\"take this medication with a meal\" what constitutes a meal? (nutrition/medication question)", "description": "age: 20 weight: 142 lbs (not that i think this is necessarily relevant lol)  recently i fell ill and saw a doctor who prescribed me 5 days worth of presnidone and 10 days worth of antibiotics. both medications should be taken with a meal, according to their bottles.  my question is: what constitutes a meal? like what is the minimum i have to ingest for these kinds of medications (steroids and antibiotics?) is it important to have volume in my stomach, or is it important to have proteins in my stomach, or what? or because \"meal\" is specified and not just \"food\" does this mean it's important to have different \"types\" of foods in my stomach? (like having carbs, fats, and proteins in some combination) edit: for example, do i need to eat in order to slow the digestion of the medication (through volume) or is it about preventing the medication from resting on my stomach lining? etc  basically i'm just a person opposed to eating meals and i want to know what the minimum i have to ingest in order for these medications to not hurt me/be ineffective/cause severe irritation.", "answer": "it's dependent on the medication and why you take it with food. for some, you need enough food to enhance medication absorption or you don't get the intended dose. for others, it's to reduce the risk of upset stomach due to the medication causing irritation.  prednisone is definitely the latter. i don't know of any definite numbers, but my guess (and it's a guess) is that more food means less risk of irritation. it's often taken with breakfast, which isn't a huge meal for most people but is probably a few hundred calories. i also don't know whether it's calories or just bulk of stuff that works; it seems quite possible that eating negligible calories in bulky greens is more protective than taking pills with a meal's worth of calories in soda.  since you didn't say which antibiotic, i can't help you with that one.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bc7b1v", "comment_id": "bc7b1v"}, {"question": "my father is diagnosed bipolar but he is also acting very strangely", "description": "##background and depression    my father has been off work for 6 months and is now on long term disability.  we noticed that he had been more down than usual for the 2 years prior, there were some stressful events and tragedies in those 2 years, though i don't know if they played a significant role in his mental health.    anyways, he is on meds, sees a psych once a week, sees a doctor around once a month, receives visits from a social worker once or twice a week.  he is in his early 50s and luckily my mother is stay at home so she can be with him all day, though this is taking its toll on her.    my father acts like you would expect a bipolar person too, bouts of depression lasting a few days, some normal days and then he will have extraordinary energy every now and then.     ----    ##strange episodes    then there are episodes where is just strange.  a few times a month and lasting for half a day to 2 days he will be strange.  the best way that i can explain it is that he doesn't listen or understand what we tell him and that he forgets what just happened, he often repeats himself, every-time a song plays on the radio he tells us that he loves that song, same thing with random movies.     he will also have a slight slur to his speech and he will sometimes stumble as he walks, he has a general lack of coordination too during these episodes.  he is also uncharacteristically annoyed by small things, especially when my mother tells him that he shouldn't drive or operate power tools while in this state, though he will eventually relent, though it is exhausting to get him to listen.     ---   ##help dealing with him    i don't know how to deal with his episodes and i am also worried about my mother who i feel is getting increasingly worn down.  are his episodes just part of being bipolar or might he have something else more serious?  we have all kinds of mental illness in our family ocd in my brother (real ocd not the *omg i'm so ocd lol* type), his mother is bipolar, his grandmother had alzheimers.  ---    ##please help    any ideas about his behaviour?    how to help my mother who is having a hard time dealing with him?      infinite thanks to anyone who can help.  ", "answer": "these episodes could be a result of his medication.  do you know what he is taking?  to be honest without working with him i am unsure if it is part of bipolar or not.  some of the symptoms sound like it but others such as the slurred speech sound more medication related.  i would go with him to his next psych appointment and discuss it with them.   as far as helping your mother that is unfortunately more difficult.  it can be hard on a caretaker especially if they never planned on something like this happening.  at this point she is probably feeling very stressed and not really seeing an end to this situation which can make it even more defeating.  i would just try to help her in anyway you can with the responsibilities.  maybe even give her a weekend off now and then.    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4qroim", "comment_id": "4qroim"}, {"question": "emotional cheating", "description": "i've been dating my bf for only 6 mos and just found out he's been communicating with his ex/friend of 22 years. already knew they talked and was ok with that since i too talk with my exes and friends from the past but sending racy pics and talking of the sex they used to have is not acceptable behavior. he's been doing this the entire time. they both feel bad (for getting caught maybe) and have apologized.  now i have to make a decision to move on or make it work.  shes was there before me and will be there when i'm gone!  i feel unimportant and that my trust was taken for granted. i already have trust issues and was single a long time before dating him. i'm very independent and really don't need this worry in my life. not sure what to do. he's a great guy except for this.  ", "answer": "i would move on, because he's still enmeshed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74mwfm", "comment_id": "74mwfm"}, {"question": "just watched preview for \"love on the spectrum\"...", "description": "and i went right past it. i don't know how to say it without insulting the people on the show, but it appeared as though the casting director picked stereotypes. they all just seem a bit childish and i cannot relate to them at all. but then again, good for them i guess? we need some representation. but when it's done primarily this way, it is hard for some high functioning people like myself that can pass for most of the time.   the show just kinda seems like a minstrel show about autism. placing people on display so that nts can pretend to be sympathetic and say: \"wow, autistic people are people! who knew!\". but then these stereotypes make it harder for people to accept autistic people that fall out of that stereotype. idk \ud83d\ude44", "answer": "there is a very wide range of diversity if you actually watch the show imo. several people i probably wouldn't pick up on as being on the spectrum even though i'm usually very sensitive to that. i love it. i am on my third watch already. i have learned a lot and relate so much to many people on the show, even though i am a person who always passes as neurotypical, even to almost all mental health professionals. i think the show is useful for nts to see how wide and varied the spectrum is but personally i care more about the fact that i enjoy and get a lot out of the show.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "i1w0y7", "comment_id": "i1w0y7"}, {"question": "how do you pinpoint obsession from compulsion?", "description": "i have both hocd and rocd and i'm having really a hard time recognizing obsession from compulsion or compulsion from obsession.  any ideas on how to recognize it accurately?  thanks in advance!", "answer": "the obsession  refers to the intrusive thought,  the compulsion refers to the behavior .  for example , in hand washing,  thoughts/worries about germs , feeling dirty would be an obsession and the act of washing hands is the compulsion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fx57ho", "comment_id": "fx57ho"}, {"question": "i [20 m] am finally ready to have sex with my girlfriend [20 f] need some advice.", "description": "hi reddit came here to ask for your wise advice. since i have very few people who i can talk about this without being judged. here i go...    so i've been with my girlfriend for four years now and i really truly love her, but the thing is we've never had sex... i know what you might be thinking \"4 years & no mothafuckin sex?\" but it is really hard for me to get physical for personal reasons.    we are both virgins (as far as i know) and i truly love her and i have finally feel ready for the good stuff, but the truth is that i'm really scared and this is why.    first of all i have no idea how, when nor when. how can i start dropping the hints without being so awkward?(important to say we've never seen each other completely naked) i really want her to be as comfortable as she wants without being pressured. where should we do it? and when? we never seem to be in a convenient place, and i want it to be as romantic as possible, maybe some candles and shit you know?    second, i am really scared of pregnancy, i know that chances are really low, but what if she actually gets pregnant? i don't know if she would abort (and i don't know if i would either) and i don't want to fuck her life up with a child (she is still in college studying to be a doctor), she deserves the best life. so should i just finish off outside or what?    third and most important. she scares the hell out of me, her expectations and her feelings. i don't know if it's true, but i've heard throughout all my life that sex hurt women on their first time and that it is pretty uncomfortable . i don't want her to get hurt and i want her to have a hell out of a time. so... ladies is that true? did it really hurt the first time? is there anything i can do so it doesn't hurt? what can i do so she has a good time? what do you ladies enjoy? i am really scared of what she thinks afterwards i just want her to feel respected and loved. how can i do that?    reddit i've reached the point in where i don't care how fun is it for me, but i want it to be perfect for her. any advice is really appreciated. thanks for hearing me out.", "answer": "that's a good approach. make sure it's comfortable. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1mmx", "comment_id": "5o1mmx"}, {"question": "feeling \u201coff\u201d b-12 levels a thing?", "description": "30, f , vegetarian, on cipralax  should i go to the doctor or just get serious about taking b12 supplements and things will get better?  some symptoms that are resonating to me so maybe not healthy:  low energy, always cold , hands and feet sometimes tingle, weak muscles.  also something that stood out was unstable gait?  i didn\u2019t know this was a thing.  the last few months i\u2019ll get up and feel like i\u2019m leaning to the side of my foot (not on purpose) about to fall over but don\u2019t but it feels like i definitely was going to.     is this serious enough to go to the doctor or should i just try harder on my own to eat healthier/take supplements?   if i go should i say that i\u2019m concerned about b12 deficiency?   or just list my symptoms?  or is this a naturopath issue because it has to do with vitamin levels?  i have major anxiety about talking to my doctor or bringing up stuff incase its nothing    could be relevant info: i was let go from my job a few months ago.  i can\u2019t keep focussed on anything long and after doing a few tasks i\u2019m done for the day.  i thought i\u2019d have all this new found free time to go out and live life but i just feel so tired all the time (i get 9-11 hrs of sleep).    i\u2019ve gone to the dr before about energy levels (maybe 7 years ago). tested my iron (low)and was told to take supplements but after a bit of constipation with i stopped and i try to eat better.  also i have had depression issues since i was 14 so i have always felt tired and weak but it\u2019s been getting worse as i age.", "answer": "you should at the very least see the doctor about your symptoms. it could be b12 deficiency, although that\u2019s usually in someone who has been vegan for years, not just vegetarian. it could be worsening anemia. it could be thyroid.  you should not see a naturopath, as they are not medical practitioners. put bluntly, they are licensed to practice quackery and are unable to reliably diagnose or treat anything.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ddwj33", "comment_id": "ddwj33"}, {"question": "angry that businesses claim to support mental health awareness day...", "description": "but the moment someone starts struggling to do their job because of a very clearly mental illness they are shown the door.", "answer": "oh yeah, they're \"aware\" of it. they just don't \"care.\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "agljfp", "comment_id": "agljfp"}, {"question": "i don't know if i'm pregnant and need advice, please.", "description": " 20 years old  female  5'5\"  125lbs  white  okay, so before i start i just want to say that i have googled and used common sense to help, but i think my anxiety is just really fucking with me right now and i want some other people's opinion.  so, here are the details  1. i am on daily birth control and have been for almost a year, haven't missed or skipped a dose for any reason 2. i should have started my period in the middle of last week till about today (april 10) however have not bled nor had the usual symptoms (achy back, cramps) 3. i am sexually active with my 20 yo boyfriend 4. we almost always use condoms however recently have done it without one (didn't have one and heat of the moment meant it didn't matter too much, stupid, i know, never happening again) 5. when we did it, he didn't cum and he pulled out, but i saw some precum 6. i have noticed a constant stomach feeling. sometimes nausea mostly just like i notice it when i usually don't 7. i have taken planb 2 and a half days after the sex (when i started panicking) 8. took 2 pregnancy tests: one invalid, second negative 9. had an extremely stressful week last week (had a panic attack on monday and didn't mentally get over it until sunday)  from what i have looked up, many things can be explained due to recent events, however i am still having the constant worry and fear that i might be and really just need some advice from real people not articles.", "answer": "studies show that if you keep checking, you get more insecure. this is true when checking whether a door is locked and when checking whether you are pregnant.  ​  advice: test was negative, don't retest. give it 2 more weeks, if still no menstruation, do one retest, and/or talk to your gp.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bbrox8", "comment_id": "bbrox8"}, {"question": "women: do you find yourself in dangerous situations more than your friends?", "description": "what i am going to say here is a very delicate issue and will mostly apply to women but i think it may also happen with men.  i don't have so much trouble socializing as most aspies so i like to go to parties to dance.. but even though i've learned how to behave socially i often find myself in dangerous situations because i can't tell if someone has bad intentions with me or not.  if i am at a party, for example, i talk and dance with to whoever comes to talk to me because i think they are just being friendly and i don't want to be seen as rude because it makes me loose friends. but then all of a sudden i see myself in an abusive situation and don't know how to get out or even if i really should get out or am overreacting or interpreting things wrong! i just never see it coming, can't tell who is being friendly and who wants to harm me, while my friends usually can take better care of themselves.  has anyone ever had this kind of problem and overcame it or have any advices? this causes me so much trouble", "answer": "one of the best strategies is to stay with a friend or group of friends that you trust and who ideally has a greater capacity to judge people's intentions. you can also explicitly ask your friends to look out for you. being in a group or pair dissuades people who would see you as an easier target if you were alone and it also means you can rely on your friend(s) to assess the intentions of the people who approach. of course it can be a challenge to build friendships like this. even if your friends are not with you, you can also get in the habit of describing a person's behavior and getting your friends' opinions early on.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "guab0w", "comment_id": "guab0w"}, {"question": "would a therapist judge me? how would therapy help this?", "description": "i am highly manipulative, sadistic, all i do is play mind games and i\u2019m extremely calculated. i use everyone and throw them away when i\u2019m done. if i\u2019m not in control of a situation/conversation, i\u2019m extremely uncomfortable and get angry.   when i determine who i actually would want to have around, i calculate their worth or whether i can benefit from them or not.   i don\u2019t always play games to hurt people, but to manipulate them into liking me. with every conversation is an ulterior motive, family as well.   i think i\u2019m better than everyone. maybe not as smart as somebody, or as attractive, but collectively, with personality and looks, depth, interests, i am. doesn\u2019t everyone? when i ask.. everyone says they don\u2019t think they are. are they lying?  i don\u2019t like anyone that much, i look down to all of my peers and mostly everyone else. if i\u2019m interested in someone, i talk to them until i figure them out.. and then i\u2019m bored.  i have no true friends because i see no one as equal. i feel no empathy.  of course feeling grandiose has its benefits, confidence, but it\u2019s lonely and obviously not normal.    my current partner wants me to talk to someone because they think i have antisocial personality disorder. even thinking about seeing a therapist and opening up  scares me, someone seeing who i am, i could never!but i want to feel understood and not looked at as a terrible person.   what is this?  do i just lie? can i tell the truth to a potential future therapist? wouldn\u2019t you think i\u2019m a pos?", "answer": "if you are worried about being judged or disliked,  i recommend seeing a therapist who has experience working with \"difficult \" patients.  i do forensic work , so i am pretty used to being lied to and manipulated. i have also worked with violent offenders , so i am not easily scared off.  there are plenty of therapists who will happy to work with you , just as you are.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hufpib", "comment_id": "hufpib"}, {"question": "don't know where to find help", "description": "i went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. things aren't the same for me anymore. thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and i feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. i don't know who to talk or go to anymore. i don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility i have it... but im also really scared that it is what i have. i also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. basically i don't know what else do to do or where to go from but i feel like i cant carry on this way :(. sorry for the long post.", "answer": "when you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean?  are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country?      feel free to private message me.  i'm a graduate student in psychology, and i can offer you some advice if you would like.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "29r6yq"}, {"question": "one night stand contemplation", "description": "so i've[21/m] been seeing this [18/f]girl for about half a year now that i've completely fallen for. every thing about her is perfect to me but the only thing is that she has taken a purity ceremony a couple months back and has made it apparent that she will not have sex with me for at least a couple more years. i've been insanely horny lately and have no way to take it out(other than the obvious) . i know this is a bold question,  but do you think to have a meaningless one night stand with someone else who has agreed to never talk to me after and block their number seem like an okay thing or not?", "answer": "one night won't do it. if you need to be in a sexual relationship, the life-timing with this girl is not what you need.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wy2pv", "comment_id": "6wy2pv"}, {"question": "how do i get my brain to shut up and leave me alone for a while -- update.", "description": "i figured a way to get the craving voice to leave me alone!    i quit smoking.    that annoying little \"take a drink\" whisper can't be heard over the full-blown, howling maelstrom of nicotine withdrawal. i know, it's sort of like hiding the pain of a stubbed toe by setting fire to your foot. but it seems to be working.    so this makes it 24 days without a drink, and 15 hours without a smoke. woo-hoo!    and, to all my fellow sobernauts, may 2013 bring you great joy, much accomplishment, and every happiness, all in the crystal clarity of sobriety.", "answer": "hang the fuck in there, and congrats.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "15qeff", "comment_id": "15qeff"}, {"question": "question about chaperone for gynecology exams", "description": "i have a female gynecologist and i had my first appointment with her a month ago. my friends and i were discussing how good she was. the subject came up about chaperones and none of my friends had a chaperone during the exam.  i had one the entire time, even when she was just talking to me. is it because i indicated i'm bisexual on my paperwork? i'm not offended, just curious because my experience was much different than their's.", "answer": "not sure - personally i do not consider an individuals sexuality to determine whether a chaperone is indicated or not, basically i have traditionally offered it to anyone who needs an intimate examination (not that i do any these days as a senior psychiatrist), no matter what.  hopefully a gynaecologist or gp will pass through and give more pertinent advice.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5w3lgb", "comment_id": "5w3lgb"}, {"question": "name the \"dos and don'ts\" of adhd!!!", "description": "tell me, what should i do? what shouldn't i do? what should i avoid, what should i add to my life? anything from food, to books, to music, to hobbies...", "answer": "do  * pay attention to how long it *actually* takes to do things. i find that when i'm estimating the time it'll take to get someplace, i need to add 20% to get the actual time.   * find a system that works, and trust the system. if it's sticky notes, todo apps, or a personal secretary, stick to it.   * get more sleep, exercise, and eat better. it really helps.   don't  * let anxiety get out of control. procrastination is basically an anxiety avoidance behavior, and adhd makes it much worse.   * expect everyone to accept your excuses. i've burned too many bridges by abusing the good graces of others, rather than learning to cope with my own issues. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "2w70pu", "comment_id": "2w70pu"}, {"question": "i am unsure as to how to carry on", "description": "to begin, i am a 14 year old male, born and raised in london, uk. i currently attend a boarding school here and i am just unsure as to what i really want to gain in life. i am easily struck down by my emotions and this is this first time have actually openly spoke about who i really am and as to what i hide behind this mask of an intellectual, tall, seemingly charming and sophisticated young man. as a warning, this will be a very long post an i appreciate anyone who makes it to the end.  for some background, my parents split when i was two, my dad leads a successfully, strong and diserable life whilst my mom is seemingly emotionally unstable and is not appearing to cope with life to her full extent. i have been in the private educational system for a while now and after joining my new school in the summer of 2013, i lead a fairly happy life. but with my new school came an onset of deep fear and depression. there are a fair few issues i wish to explain fully to better gather information.  to start, school. a depressing issue in my life, boarding school, a place where britain's wealthiest 1% cast of their seemingly undersireable, snotty children who were raised with the concept of ignorance and self-centrednes. there is no one i particularly take a liking too. i am a very contempt, quiet but seemingly normal boy - i am not considered weird but in a sea of loud, obnoxious, arrogant kids. walking the halls of this dark, gothic building, takes away my sense of freedom. i truly find my boarding house one of the most dull, uncharistmatic places i have ever visited and departing it is one of my greatest joys.  now mentally, i am unsure - i am lost in a place i know not how to control, my mind. i don't know if my onset of depression was triggered by this or if my brain still is not fully developed. i know i am not fully correct up there - i have been searching for an answer to my awkward mental state for quite some time: a mix of aspergers - explaining my quietness and apparent social awkwardness and lack of self confidence and belief. ocd; i am very particular, my hands have to be thoroughly washed as well as other things - my keyboard has to be exactly five centimetres away from the desk's edge but there is loads of other shit i wish not to bore you with. mentally, my ocd also seems to fit my mental state - i drastically overthink stuff eg if people comment on my size or behaviour, it really affects me and is worsened in my head. i enjoy to have as little on my plate as possible and brevity, simpleness and efficiency are traits i adore. i have terrible mood swings (although not expressed through actions but through thought). one second; ha! my worries are insignificant, the next; you have to return to school in one week from your break, start feeling the onset of it as it now captures your very mind and drives you into a great depression. depression and anxiety are very much a possibility caused my some bad semi-bullying experiences early on at my school. i now shake and feel cold through my body when i feel a similar situation forming. i am lost in my ambiguous mind not knowing what i really want or desire in my very unstable state.  that pretty much sums this up - i have never approached people about this before and i like to do so on the internet, it adds that unrivalled sense of anonymity. i am just asking for some advice - i have often thought about approaching my father, visiting a shrink, being put on medication, leading to a clearer mind. please, i am just asking for a considerate redditor. feel free to ask any other questions. much appreciated,  -max", "answer": "forget trying to diagnose yourself via internet. you lack the training, and even if you do it correctly you've not done anything toward a solution. doing something about it will require the assistance of others anyway. consider that your difficult emotions could be congruous with your environment, and not necessarily evidence of a pathology of some kind. 14 is a very hard age, and my understanding of english boarding schools is that it is a very difficult environment to feel ok in. try to get support from a responsible adult -- getting it from a peer may not be effective, since they are also quite young and probably in the same boat. and remember just because everybody else does a good job at hiding their feelings, it does not mean that they are not also suffering. good luck.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "23sw2v", "comment_id": "23sw2v"}, {"question": "[32/m] my girlfriend [24/f] told me today that she no longer wanted to be exclusive until marriage because of an internet article but wants to continue our relationship, what do i do?", "description": "this [article](WEBLINK) came out the other day and my girlfriend of about 3 months came out and told me that she now no longer wants to be exclusive, but wants to be free to date other men because in her words \"i feel like i've put too much into people in the past and let people in only to regret it later because they weren't right for me.\"  she wants to continue things as normal and oddly has shown more affection since she told me this.  she still wants to have sex, still wants to spend the night at my house and see each other every day, still wants to be affectionate in public, still wants to be emotionally involved with me and call me babe.  she seems to only want to be serious with one person at a time, but \"if a guy comes around and wants to ask her on a date, she wants to deny him because she doesn't think it would work, not because she has a boyfriend.\"  i told her it was fine if she was to do that, but it would mean the end for us, while she would basically want to \"revert back to just dating while she sampled this other guy.\"  she also wants me to do the same thing.  i feel like i could go into more detail about what she means, but it is still just messing with my head and i'm not sure how much it matters for this post.  this morning she texted me and said that she is going to be joining crossfit, and all i can think is that she is going to meet some dude there.  i use to trust her implicitly, now my trust is somewhat gone and i have no security in the relationship.  i can't tell if this is a simple mindset thing and something i need to accept if i want to continue forward with her (i'm head over heels for her, we have meshed so well) or if this is something that is essentially going to be a deal breaker.  has anyone been through this?  what would you do if your so said this to you?", "answer": "that's pretty lame i'm afraid. she's not committed to you. she's not ready for a monogamous ltr.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eg7yx", "comment_id": "6eg7yx"}, {"question": "how do you stay motivated?", "description": "i exercise in spurts and i know from experience that it really helps with my anxiety and depression.  but sometimes when i'm in a manic/anxious/depressed state i have a hard time getting to the gym and tend to binge eat.  i was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how they force themselves to the gym other than sheer will-power.   any coping mechanisms would be greatly appreciated.  ", "answer": "[motivation is a fickle mistress](WEBLINK)  the trick is, i don't stay motivated. i stay **disciplined**. i don't do what i *feel* like doing, i do what i know i need to do. and that means going for consistency.  also, i visit this sub, along with /r/fitness, /r/gainit, and /r/theweightroom every day. i took off unimportant subs so i see more exercise-related stuff. every single day.", "topic": "eood", "post_id": "3n88ox", "comment_id": "3n88ox"}, {"question": "pros and cons of drinking this weekend:", "description": "pros: 1. the first and second drinks relax me and put me in a positive state of mind.  2. i like to enjoy the warm weather by sitting on a patio drinking wine or beer.  3. i won\u2019t have to deal with cravings.   cons: 1. i never stop at two drinks.  2. waking up with no hangover relaxes me and puts me in a positive state of mind.  3. instead of actually enjoying the warm weather, i\u2019m numbing myself to it. better to enjoy the warm weather by taking a walk or going for a bike ride.  4. if i don\u2019t drink, i can allow myself other treats. maybe i\u2019ll have a slice of pie.  4. i take pride in being a fairly smart person. drinking makes me stupid.  5. i don\u2019t like myself the following morning.  6. my kids deserve a mom who is fully present.  7. i might say something embarrassing. or worse, i might say something mean.  8. i have a new book that i can\u2019t wait to read. if i drink, i probably won\u2019t get around to it.  9. i have to stop doing this to my body. i can\u2019t keep putting off my health.  10. i can watch tv and actually follow the plot.  11. i will feel good about myself if i can get through a weekend sober.  12. my dog gets extra walks when i don\u2019t drink.  13. if i drink, i might have a stupid argument with my husband.  14. i want to be physically fit. drinking interferes with that.  15. when i drink, i\u2019m not as funny as i think i am.  16. sobriety is supposed to get easier. the only way to find out whether or not that\u2019s true is to do it.  17. it sucks waking up at 3 am, unable to go back to sleep due to shame.  18. i don\u2019t want to risk flaking on my plans with my daughter.  19. my house stays clean when i don\u2019t drink.  20. what is there\u2019s an emergency? 21. alcohol brings out the worst in me.  22. i am a good person who deserves to be treated better than the way i\u2019ve been treating myself.   hmm. i think the choice is obvious.   i have taken preparation measures. i have: 1. full tank of gas in my car. (no gas station beer for me!) 2. book 3. perrier 4. diet cokes 5. fully charged fitbit 6. purchases lego movie 2 on itunes.  7. aired up bike tires 8. gift card from half priced books 9. starbucks gift card.  10. reddit app on my phone  11. poop bags for walking the pooch 12. jigsaw puzzle to give me something to do if it rains  13. two books by annie grace  14. an unreasonably large stash of chocolate   yeah, i\u2019m a bit of a list maker. anyway, day 5 over here. it\u2019ll be interesting to see what this weird \u201csober weekend\u201d thing is like.", "answer": "i can relate to quite a bit on that list. well done!! like the way you\u2019re going about it. keep it up!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bps81p", "comment_id": "bps81p"}, {"question": "what does it take to become a therapist?", "description": "hi!   my title pretty much says it all. i apologize if i am asking in the wrong community. i am two years out of college, and i am just trying to figure my passion in life. becoming a therapist is something i genuinely interested in and would love to get into. i would love feedback / tips to what it takes to become a licensed therapist?  thanks for your help in advance!", "answer": "in the us, commonly licensable master's degrees include counseling (directory of cacrep accredited programs here: WEBLINK ), mft (directory of coamfte-accredited programs here: WEBLINK ) or social work (list of cswe accredited programs here, be sure to filter appropriately: WEBLINK ) typically programs are about 2 years.   after you graduate, you will do some amount of pre-licensure hours (varies by state and specific licensure path) and meet any other state licensure requirements for the state where you are residing/want to practice in (e.g. a written exam).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "himhpu", "comment_id": "himhpu"}, {"question": "after a traumatic breakup, psychologist has recommended emdr therapy - not sure", "description": "i have recently broken up with a partner of 2 and a half years.  i found out in a very unpleasant way that she had been seeing someone else for over eight months throughout the course of our relationship. being only 18, i was incredibly shaken by this, considering i had given everything to this girl, moved cities etc.  i have not been able to stop thinking about the details of their sex life, i can't stop the sadness or the pain inside. i still love her, which makes it worse.  i absolutely lost control of my emotions today when i began speaking about it to my psychologist. he described what i was feeling as trauma, in addition to the usual suspects of heartbreak, the grief and sadness and jealousy. he said that while talk therapy could help me with the latter, he believed emdr therapy would be a good path for coming to terms with the trauma.  as much as i want this sinking feeling to go away so that i can be happy once more, i am just not sure about this therapy. i understand that it was designed for people suffering for ptsd, but i have heard horror stories about it backfiring and triggering very serious reactions from patients. i also don't know how applicable it is to my personal situation. furthermore, i don't know what to expect as an outcome - will i think about these things with my ex and her new partner and just not feel anything? what will happen to me?  i have a few days to decide whether or not i would like to proceed with emdr sessions. any help would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "emdr is designed to help someone comes to terms with their trauma.  as with any therapy there is a risk that it might not work.  as far as backfiring it doesn't seem like you have extreme ptsd which is were re-traumatization can sometimes occur.  i would say that you should give it a try.  if it works you may still feel sorrow when thinking about your ex but you will be able to handle the emotions better which will help you get your life back on track.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4qrvuk", "comment_id": "4qrvuk"}, {"question": "i\u2019m struggling", "description": "i went to a winery with friends this weekend, and one heavy pour turned into 4, and for the first time i was publicly drunk.  i\u2019d been reaching for the bottle more than i should have in the last few months, but this time was the first i had been such a mess in front of people other than my husband.  the shame and embarrassment is weighing on me a ton, this is my rock bottom  moment.  i\u2019ve known i should quit for a long time, but this incident was like a slap to my face.  i have no one to turn to right now, my husbands on a fishing trip for the week, and i don\u2019t want to burden him or my friends with my struggles.  i\u2019m going to my first meeting in half an hour, but just needed to get this out before that.  i just want the pain to go away forever, and hope this is the best step,", "answer": "i hope your meeting went well and you got some good support.  in my experience, thinking about all the regrets i have from when i was drunk/high/whatever can be a big motivating factor in getting sober.  the thing you have to avoid is the shame spiral.  try to view yourself with compassion.  iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d297ko", "comment_id": "d297ko"}, {"question": "what if therapy is a waste of time", "description": "i've been seeing a therapist once a week for a few months. there are days when i feel really bad and need someone to talk to, and there are days when i'm feeling good and don't have anything to talk about. it seems like i'm wasting time (and money) by going to these sessions when i'm feeling good. what do you think i should do in these situations?  ​  it seems that therapists prefer that clients come in once a week, so my therapist would probably get annoyed if i canceled a lot. also, it seems that if i don't visit the therapist for 2-3 weeks, then i start risking the therapist giving my weekly timeslot to someone else (and it took a while to get a spot with this therapist).  ​  also, my therapist has a cancellation policy where i'm charged a fee if i cancel with less than 24 hours notice. there have been times when i've been feeling bad 24 hours before the session but i feel better on my own before the session (resulting in me having nothing to talk about). what should i do in these cases?", "answer": "if i were in your shoes, i would:  1. talk to my therapist about reviewing my therapy goals. what are my specific goals? how are we going after those goals? 2. ask my therapist how to best make progress on those goals on days when i struggle to come up with topics.  3. if that did not resolve the problem, i would seek out a new therapist and explicitly note \"this is why my last therapist did not work out\" at the start of our time together.   this post suggests to me that your therapist is not providing much of a treatment plan. there may be a number of reasons for this but honestly it's sort of your therapist's job to make sure y'all are moving. therapists vary widely in both skill and approach; one therapist not being a good fit for a particular individual does not necessarily indicate that therapy has no possibility of working for that person.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fky3f5", "comment_id": "fky3f5"}, {"question": "help. life after infedelity. reconciliation.", "description": "(in your response, can you please state what your degree is and your training? i ask, so my husband can know if he can respect your answer or not. he has a masters in social work and he is a supervisor of the affair partner so comunication between them is needed. he also can't leave this job because our family needs his income and he can grow a lot at this place.)  i need help with talking and explaining things to my husband. controlling vs. respect vs. pussy whipped. can you please explain the diffrience between the three? example; (the affair partner is a coworker of his) in order for us to reconcile (there is more than just this thing, but this is the big one causing problems) i would like to know if he ever has to talk to her in his office with the door closed. they used to share an office, but now i would like his different office to be free of her. i would like him to make it a conversation through email or in a separate meeting room. if none of those things are possible, i just ask to be told and an explanation why. he sees that as controlling and that if he ends up doing what i tell him i feel i deserve it's also being pussy whipped. i see it as respect. it is too much of a nuisance to him (to change his work flow) and what i would like of him would slow his workday down and he doesn't want to think about what would hurt me and have that in the back of his mind during his day at work. he wants it to flow smoothly, so he is choosing divorce... the only way he would want to reconcile is treating her like any other coworker and not having to explain himself or his actions while at work. what are your thoughts? am i being controlling? am i just requesting respect? how do i explain the diffrience to my husband?", "answer": "ms/phd. licensed marriage and family therapist. approved supervisor. (husband wanting this already gives me an impression of what is going on).  >controlling vs. respect vs. pussy whipped  to be honest, after infidelity the difference doesn't matter. the partner that has been cheated on has the right to be as controlling as they want. their trust has been betrayed. however, if this is still the case after 6 months/12 months, the story is different.   >i would like to know if he ever has to talk to her in his office with the door closed.  this depends on a number of things. if he is the supervisor of the affair partner, he likely does need to communicate (supervise) the affair partner in privacy (and regularly). this introduces a big problem. namely, it is *explicitly* against the [social worker code of ethics](WEBLINK) for social workers to engage in any form of sexual activity/contact with someone they professionally supervise. he done fucked up big time on this one. in my experience, this is generally not only a offense that merits firing but also potentially losing a license.   > he sees that as controlling and that if he ends up doing what i tell him i feel i deserve it's also being pussy whipped. i see it as respect.  -essentially he's saying he should be able to do whatever (and whomever) the fuck he wants. if the request/demand were not specifically after infidelity and about the affair partner then yes, this is likely controlling and him giving in might be being \"pussy-whipped\".    >the only way he would want to reconcile is treating her like any other coworker and not having to explain himself or his actions while at work.  -of course he wants this. no person *wants* to deal with the consequences of their actions. he wants to treat her like any other coworker? has he fucked all they other coworkers too? truth be told, she ain't like all the other coworkers. she is an affair partner.    if y'all were in my office, i'd tell you y'all have three choices: (1) move towards reconciliation; (2) keep things like they are; and (3) move towards separation. you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. ultimately, you both need to decide what you want. if you want to be married to him more than anything, that means you're willing to deal with whatever he chooses. if he wants to be able to work like nothing happened and pretend it didn't happen, he is choosing work over you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dsludf", "comment_id": "dsludf"}, {"question": "weed makes me straight", "description": "i had sexual experiences when i was a young kid with other boys my age, as well a suffer from sexual abuse multiple times. nothing prolonged as far as i can remember. what it did was make me attracted to other guys. as a kid i would look at wwe wrestlers and admire them. as i grew up i thought i was gay. it didn't seem like anything wrong. but then my family found out at 14 and it drove me into a deep depression. i'm 19 now. when ever i smoke weed and i'm watching tv or out and about and i see a really cute women i'm really attracted. other guys do nothing for me and i'm disgusted. but once i'm sober i feel emotionally numb and i feel attracted to guys. not all of them just the once i find attractive. but when im on pot even the attractive guys do nothing for me and an average looking girl will look like a goddess. i need help please. anyone have any help they can provide?", "answer": "sexuality is not a switch. people are not either gay or straight. sexuality is a spectrum; a sliding scale of attraction towards the two sexes.  for this reason specifically, i don't believe you need help for your attraction towards men and women. any attraction towards any sex is normal, and not something you need to \"work on\" or \"fix\". whether you are bisexual, gay, or straight, you are perfectly fine.  above all, i think you would benefit from talking to someone about your abusive history. no matter how you've handled it, it seems clear that your past can affect your current mental health.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3xwuc2", "comment_id": "3xwuc2"}, {"question": "how do i quit my job?", "description": "i'm 16, and i work part-time at a fast food place. i struggle a lot with anxiety and depression and i'm finding that this job and balancing school is just making it worse for me. i don't know how to tell my boss i am going to quit because i'm socially awkward.", "answer": "write a letter, \"this is my two weeks notice.   my last day will be x\".   they need no more justification than that.     if they push for an explanation, just tell them that you are having a tough time balancing school and work.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "586nb5", "comment_id": "586nb5"}, {"question": "after 5 years of trying she has finally failed and cannot go on. and im happy about it.", "description": "my sister graduated high school one year early. she moved out of the house and went to live with my grandma in the ghetto to go to community college. for 5 years since the day she left she has been working hard (2 or more jobs constantly) to make money to pay for herself to go to school.  she failed the first year. she quit the second year. she failed again the third year. she got into a car accident and failed the fourth year. and now this fifth year she cant even attend school because she does not have enough money.  and for all that, im finally happy she cant get back up. because now, its time for something new. school is not for everyone and its taken her 5 years to figure that out. i dont want to tell her she wasted her time, but she already knows its on my mind.  now im currently getting stuff prepared to help her move. she needs to start a new life in a new city, away from all the bad memories and failures here.  wish her luck please.", "answer": "this \"everyone should go to college\" mindset is poisonous.  a friend of mine is dealing with it now.  it sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2fs4xr", "comment_id": "2fs4xr"}, {"question": "having trouble fitting in", "description": "hello everyone!  i\u2019m been redditor since november now, and were recently just diagnosed with asperger\u2019s in the beginning of january, i\u2019ve have had, and still have a lot of mixed feelings towards it and it, and what is about to happen tomorrow which isn\u2019t comforting me either.  you see i\u2019ve been attending a (what in american terms would be called ) a normal  high school since the start of the school year, and have had some trouble dealing with the environment there, mainly that i were a class filled with 31 people, and that the sound levels were too high for my liking. but from tomorrow, i\u2019m officially going to attend a different class on a different school for people with asperger\u2019s.  now my problem lies in the fact that my asperger\u2019s is very light. it\u2019s haven\u2019t really been noticeable by anyone in my daily life for the most part, though i\u2019m still very timid and very much an introvert, always liked different things than people on the schools i\u2019ve attended and so forth.   so i\u2019ve always felt different, and at times alone at, not really having any to connect with.  so most of you probably think by now that it\u2019s great news that i get a chance to attend the class for people with asperger\u2019s.  now here is my problem.  when i went to visit the class two weeks ago to get acquainted with the people there, i had a lot of mixed feelings about it, but the one thing that stood out most to me was, that i felt \u201cnormal\u201d compared to the people there, as most of them was dealing with much more severe cases of asperger\u2019s than me.  now here comes my question to everyone out there.  how should i go forth with this?.... i can\u2019t fully explain how this situation is for me as it all seems very weird i simply thought that the class would be a perfect place for me, with people i could relate with, and were i can get help to dealing with my asperger\u2019s. but now i out of place again, like i don\u2019t belong in a class like that, as my asperger\u2019s is very light. i\u2019ve been going to a therapist a couple of times now, due to diagnoses and even he have been called my case of asperger\u2019s for \u201casperger\u2019s light\u201d  so my real problem really lies in the fact, that i feel normal in the asperger\u2019s class, and that i feel like a person with asperger\u2019s in my normal class. and i can\u2019t see myself fit in anywhere at the moment.  i would like some general advice on what to do about this as i\u2019m not sure on how to handle this situation.  also i\u2019m glad that i finally gave it a thought and looked for this subreddit.  and i\u2019ll look forward to be talking here with all of from now on!  and last thing, sorry if there are any errors in this wall of text i\u2019m not a native english speaker so bear with me.  ", "answer": "i can definitely understand feeling like you have \"aspie light.\" after my diagnosis, i was signed up for a \"friendship club\" at the office of the psychologist who diagnosed me, and i didn't like it at all. it seemed like everyone else was much more seriously impacted by their asperger's, and it was hard for me to bond with them.  however, i had a great deal of success in joining a tabletop wargaming group instead. because the people who played tabletop wargames tended to be more introverted and awkward than an average nt, i was able to fit in with them very well. they fit my condition of \"not quite awkward enough to be with the aspies, not quite normal enough to be with everyone else.\" so you might want to look for something similar in your area. basically, any group based around a stereotypically \"nerdy\" activity, like anime, or video games, or science fiction, is likely to have people that you might get along well with.  oh, and if you want to work on your social skills, you don't need to depend on your class to give you the opportunity to do that. i did a lot of self-teaching of social skills, and you can too :) there's lots of books and resources out there, and even just spending some time watching tv and learning from the interactions there can be helpful. if you want some guidance on what to study, i wrote an [online social skills guide](WEBLINK) that perhaps you will find helpful :) good luck!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "q79ua", "comment_id": "q79ua"}, {"question": "girl might take her life if i break up with her", "description": "just for some background information. i'm 15 years old, and i'm pretty shy.  so i go to a technical school with 30 kids in my grade. i have been dating this girl for about 5 months now, but it's really nothing serious. i haven't told my parents yet, and i don't think i ever will because i want to break up with her. i'm honestly just not happy in the relationship, and i'm too much of a wuss to tell my parents. i really do not enjoy being with this girl, and i want to break up.  this girl has had a troubled past, and has tried taking her life on multiple occasions before i met her. she told me that i am the only reason that she is alive, and that kind of makes me scared. i have a feeling that if i break up with her, she is going to take her life. yesterday i had an argument with her, and we didn't talk for a while, and she told her friend that she shouldn't be in this world.  this girl also will not take advice from counseling, and is very stubborn, even with life problems  i know this is not the right place, or maybe it is. but i do not want to be the reason that someone dies. i'm 15 years old and i can't live with this", "answer": "just take the comment to her friend \"i shouldn't be in this world,\" and go directly to a school counselor.  say you're worried that she'll hurt herself and that she has a history of attempts.  get help mobilized now. then you won't feel held hostage. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyjfs", "comment_id": "6dyjfs"}, {"question": "should i get tested for hep c?", "description": "i'm a 25 year old female, from the usa, 140 lbs (don't think that matters though) not sexually promiscuous.  ​   when i was 18 i had a year long relationship with a guy who i later found out had hep c. i have never ever done drugs of any kind, but apparently he did and when he had surgery for something unrelated they told him.   i never got tested and now 7 years later, somebody brought up the subject and for some reason my anxiety went through the roof wondering if i should have. i have a son, who i breastfeed and now i can't stop worrying about it.   i have never had any symptoms, but i hear many don't. i guess my question is, how commonly is passed sexually? it is keeping me up at night worrying. do i have a reason to be this worried or is not commonly passed that way?  ​  ​", "answer": "it's fairly rare for hep c to be sexually transmitted, but it's not impossible. you probably should get tested. if you're negative, which you probably will be, it will set your mind at ease. if you're not, you're armed with the knowledge to follow it and get treatment.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9mla3d", "comment_id": "9mla3d"}, {"question": "could it be ms without lesions?", "description": "age: 25  sex: female  height: 5\u20198  weight: 140   race: caucasian / eastern european  duration of complaint: 8/9 years   location: currently in the southeast us, but have lived in all parts of us over past four years.  location of complaint: muscles (back of calves is the absolute worst), eyes, neurological, legs, hands, hair falling out,severe fatigue, severe tremor  existing medical issues: rheumatoid arthritis, pernicious anemia, epilepsy, lupus, sj\u00f6grens, ptsd, mdd    \u2014--past medical problems: acute liver failure, hepatitis c, meningitis, sepsis (2), endocarditis, hyperthyroidism   current medications: celebrex, keppra, gabapentin, seroquel, prozac, klonopin, flexeril,  valacyclovir,    okay so i have not yet seen my rheumy, but blood work confirmed the lupus and ra. i have been diagnosed with ms but then another mri showed no lesions so they said that was not it.  another mri showed lesions, but the doctor said they were from migraines (which i only get one every two years or so) and i\u2019m not sure how she could tell the difference.  anyway, i think the ra and lupus don\u2019t cover all of my symptoms. i have a severe, permanent tremor in my hands. i have blurry vision, no night vision, faded vision, and eye pain in one eye - the same eye and have had this since i was 16 and it\u2019s gotten worse. no eye doctor seems to know what\u2019s going on.  i have a horrible heat intolerance but also a horrible cold intolerance, although heat makes me flare up so much worse.  most days i cannot get out of bed. the days i can, i can hardly stand or walk and must use assistance. the back of my calves give me the absolute worst pain out of anywhere on my body. to the point i start hitting them with heavy objects because that feels better than the actual pain. it\u2019s a tight pain and no matter how much i massage it or sit in hot water they never get better.  i\u2019m just not convinced it\u2019s just ra and lupus.   can you have ms with no lesions? can lesions come and go? is there really a way to tell what lesions are from? (like from a migraine or ms?) ms and all of these autoimmune disorders are in both sides of my family as far back as you can go.  i\u2019m only 25, i shouldn\u2019t feel like this or hurt like this. the neurological effects are horrible and embarrassing.  i\u2019ve been trying for so long for a doctor to take me seriously. this one reluctantly do extra bloodwork and was surprised when the ra factor and everything was positive.  my muscles seem to be atrophying. i can\u2019t wear bras or bathing suits because of the pressure the put on my neck and/or shoulders.   i really don\u2019t know what to do anymore. this is no life for anyone, especially a 25 year old. i\u2019m in so much pain i think about just ending it all.   can a doctor answer my questions or give me advice? because i\u2019m just at a loss here.", "answer": "the first question i have is just one of sorting out historical imaging. ms, or at least the common relapsing-remitting form of ms, classically occurs with lesions that appear and disappear (along with attacks that resolve). migraines usually don't have any specific mri findings, although there are some exceptions.  is all the imaging available to the same doctor? changes over time or lack thereof are very helpful for neurologists to clarify the picture.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cmh22l", "comment_id": "cmh22l"}, {"question": "family member is having a relapse and complete break down. i'm out of state. who can i call?", "description": "i don't really know where else to ask or even what to google, so i'm hoping this sub can point me in the right direction.   my brother is in the middle of a crisis and i'm not sure what i can do to help. his story is complicated but i'll try to summarize:   he is 40, currently living in florida with two children (11 and 9 years old) who lived with him until last week. he has struggled with addiction his whole life. as a result, he doesn't hold down jobs and finds himself in toxic relationships. he's been on and off a spectrum of drugs (painkillers, heroine, and meth) for the last 25 years. he's been in and out of methadone clinics for the last 12 years.   he has recently relapsed; he was evicted a few weeks ago and has been living out of his car. his daughters have been staying with the old neighbor. the neighbor reported several incidents of abuse and molestation of these girls (by my brother and his girlfriend) to the police, but nothing has really happened with it. over the last day or two, my brother has been making serious threats directed at his old neighbors, his old roommates, his girlfriend, and his daughters.  my mother has been keeping me informed, but i spoke with my brother this morning for the first time in months. he is panicking, angry, lashing out at everyone, and he is extremely desperate. i believe he is dangerous.   my family doesn't know how to handle this. the police aren't really helping, and he is not cooperating with dcf (or anyone really). in the last two months, he's been hospitalized for severe stomach pain, swelling of the feet and ankles, and a terrible laceration on his wrist (we suspect it was self-inflicted). are there any other emergency services that i can call?", "answer": "hello! i am a mental health professional in florida.  if he has made serious threats towards others, he qualifies for involuntary hospitalization under the baker act (called a 5150 nationwide). if the police have been called and they have not placed your brother under a baker act, then the family has an additional option.   they can go to their county clerk of court and request paperwork for what is called an ex-parte order. basically, it's a request for a judge to order a family member into involuntary mental health treatment based on the testimony of the family. your family will fill out the paperwork, including why they believe it is best for your brother to be admitted to a crisis stabilization unit, and then submit it to a judge, who will then schedule a hearing. at that point, the family will then meet with the judge and get to plead their case, and the judge will say yes/no to the involuntary order. if the judge says yes, then authorities will go to where you brother is and escort him to a nearby receiving facility.  note that this is for mental health, not for substance abuse.  if your family would like to petition to have client evaluated for involuntary substance use treatment, they can also fill out paperwork to request a marchman act (through the same clerk of court). if the judge, again, deems it appropriate, then appropriate facilities can also assess if your brother would meet criteria for that as well.  do note, that this process can take a few days. if there are serious concerns and you have proof that he is of imminent harm to himself or others, then have your family call 9-1-1 again and ask for a cit trained officer to respond.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dko4hv", "comment_id": "dko4hv"}, {"question": "the constant anxiety of past actions is fucking unbearable.", "description": "i\u2019ve been so cringy and awkward to so many people it\u2019s hard to keep count. everywhere i go now i feel like i\u2019m the weird one because of all the awkward stuff people have seen me do before.   every. single. fucking. day there\u2019s always something i\u2019ve done to cringe about. most people have one moment in their life that makes them cringe, but i have them about once a week, and they paralyse me with just sheer embarrassment and sadness.   i know i\u2019m not overreacting, because if i was someone else and witnessed the awkward shit i was doing, i\u2019d think i was a fucking weirdo too. man i just hate myself so much. i\u2019m unbelievably far from the person i want to be it\u2019s almost unbearable. everyday i see confident people, it\u2019s unbearable knowing that i\u2019m not one of them.  the realisation that you\u2019re not the person you want to be is the hardest thing that can happen to someone.   i\u2019m completely stuck. i need help.   ", "answer": "i relate, so so so much.   listen though. beating yourself (ourselves) up for something we have already done is not helpful and will only lead to more self-conscious induced cringy moments in the future. the only thing you can do is make a mental note of what you don\u2019t feel good doing/saying and think about how you can avoid repeating your mistake. most of the time, the answer is one of these things: be more in the moment, slow down, take breaths, and do more listening and asking questions than talking.   second, think hard about your cringy moment and what other people were doing throughout the time you were in their presence. throughout that time, can you name one single even somewhat cringy thing that another person did? because i bet you a million dollars at least one of those people you interacted with *can.* at least one of them went home and kicked themselves because of something dumb they thought they said or did. but you didn\u2019t notice because you were focused on yourself and they were focused on themselves. whatever you did, it wasn\u2019t as big as you think it is. i\u2019ll even go ahead and believe you - let\u2019s say you were cringy. it\u2019s very, very, very unlikely that anyone else is spending more than half a second thinking about your cringy moment. they\u2019ve moved past it.  breathe. tomorrow is a chance to be even a marginally better version of yourself, and obsessing is not helpful. distract yourself. breathe. treat yourself to something you enjoy like a snack or a movie. you need some self care right now and you deserve it. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "871o1v", "comment_id": "871o1v"}, {"question": "do therapists want to hear back from their old patients? is it valuable to you to know how things progressed after you stopped talking?", "description": "i bring this up as an aside to something i've been planning to do for a while, which is simply to write back to my old therapist (with whom our sessions ended half a decade ago), to let him know that my life has progressed tremendously, and that he has been primus motor in making that happen.  however, i know a great therapist would never miss a chance to learn something new, or to strengthen their methods with new data. are you, as a therapist, interested in your old patients contacting you years down the line, letting you know (after years of reflection) what exactly they think did the trick in helping them feel better again, so that you can use that data moving forward? or is integrating this new data (or reflections) simply not of value to you in your work?   i ask, primarily, because i do not want to cause offense to my old therapist.", "answer": "personally i would love to hear from an old patient. and you haven\u2019t been a patient for many years which helps to preserve and support healthy boundaries. for me it would be more about feeling happy for you that you are so well rather than a learning experience, and i fully support your reaching out.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c3ug75", "comment_id": "c3ug75"}, {"question": "what are symptoms of lyme disease \"acting up\"?", "description": "hello. i am a 41 year old hispanic male. i was diagnosed with, and treat for, lyme disease via amoxicillin. my question stems from not being clear after speaking with my doctor, along with others who have been diagnosed with lyme. would i feel the same or similar discomfort as before i was diagnosis? are there other \"common\" symptoms? in all honesty, i am trying to figure if discomfort that i am experiencing is lyme related or something else. in other words, i know that there is no cure, but does it \"come back\" and needs to be treated again? thank you in advance.", "answer": "no, that's not right. lyme is curable, but it takes about a month of antibiotics. a minority of people continue to experience some symptoms for months after cure, usually fatigue and pain. that also goes away with time and is not a return of the original infection.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8fvc0n", "comment_id": "8fvc0n"}, {"question": "is it legal for parents to do this?", "description": "this is a throwaway account. this is going to be a long post, thank you for reading.   last sunday my brother got into an argument with my mother. we'll call him sam, he's 15. i'm a girl and i'm 17. it began with sam asking my mom \"why are you opening dad's mail?\" they're divorced and live separately. it ended up with my mom putting sam in a choke hold, me pulling her off of him, and him having to ride his bike 10 miles to my dad's house. that day my mom yelled bloody murder at me. she hit me. to be honest, i can't fully remember everything she said. my mind blocks it out. but what i do remember is basically being told that i was worthless, i was wrong, and i didn't do anything right. it got to the point where she was yelling at me, then her stupid boyfriend was yelling at me, and i was just crying. i ended up going into the bathroom and cutting myself. i rarely cut myself. last summer was the last time i did. she drives me to it. last summer every day i was crying as she spit out words of abuse. she'll scream at me, calling me a whore, a bitch, anything she can think of. i can't explain it really, but it just gets to the point where i'm so miserable, my insides hurt. my feelings i guess hurt so badly that cutting is like relief. it hurts less than the hurt inside.   the next day i had to go work, i work in a garden and it is the most terrible job. it's so hot, i'm so little and  i have asthma. i over heat and it's a really hard job for me. i come home and my dad has dropped sam back at home. sam is just sitting on the front porch because my mother won't let him come inside. i just sit on the porch with my brother because i feel bad. he's my brother, i love him, and i'm not going to ostracize her like my mom, her boyfriend, and my little brother. so i sit with him. later i go inside and i'm eating cake. i try to bring some out to my brother and my mom flips out. she and her boyfriend yell at me that i'm \"undermining her authority\" and other crazy shit. she tells me she's so \"sick of me\" and she can't handle me \"bullying\" her. she makes me pack my things, takes away my phone and car keys, and drives me and sam to my dads.   now my dad lives in a shitty house. he has a couple other really ghetto roommates. the house is falling apart and filthy. he has some financial issues and he goes without eating good meals quite often. most weekends we can't visit him because he can't afford it. so we go over there and his shower and toilet aren't working and he has no food. so he drives us back over and tells my mom he really just cannot take us. my mom is pissed that we're back and she makes us sleep outside. is that legal?? she fucking made me and sam sleep outside on the fucking grass. now my dad would've driven right back and taken us if he knew, but my brother and i didn't tell him until the next day because he needed sleep to go to work. he works at 5 am and it was 1 am when he dropped us back off. he drives a truck all day and if he had been too tired he could fall asleep at the wheel or he'd have had to call in sick. he can't afford to miss work... my mom already lost her job he can't afford to lose his.   in the morning when we woke up we tried going inside but my mom wouldn't let us. so i changed my clothes in the front yard because i just didn't fucking care at that point and walked a few blocks and had my friend pick me up. she's a damn saint. by the way, my mom turned my brother's phone off and she had taken mine so we couldn't contact her. we didn't tell her anything, just left, and spend the night at my friend's. the next day we went home and she finally let us in after a long talk with my dad. but she went to the police. she told them a twisted story about how my brother and i \"bully\" my mom and she just couldn't handle us anymore and it ended up with the cop agreeing that it was legal for her to leave us outside. he told her to call them next time and they would pick us up and put us into foster care if she couldn't handle us. the whole time her stupid boyfriend is defending her and telling her to call the cops on us and whatnot.  now this is so frustrating. i can't even describe it fully. because i am not a bad kid. i get good grades, i take all the extra curricular classes that are offered, i'm president of my school, i drive my brothers everywhere, i do all the grocery shopping. since i began driving i've taken over the role of mother. by the time i was 6 my mom stopped giving a shit. our house was filthy. there was so much shit in out house that you couldn't walk around. the floors were grimy and matted with spilled food and drink. the table and sink overflowed with dishes full of rotting food and maggots. she never cooked us dinner. since i was six i've been eating whatever i can find around the house and when i got old enough i cleaned the house so that it wasn't a dump anymore. now my mom has a routine of go to work, come home, grab a beer, head straight to her bedroom, sleep. she doesn't come out to talk to us, she never cooks dinner, or helps with dishes, or helps us with homework. before i could drive there was never food in the house and when we needed something from the store we would wait weeks to get it because she never wanted to go. essentially i am my brother's mom. you guys might not agree, but i do everything for them. when they're sick i care for them, i help them with homework, i buy their friend's birthday gifts and take them to the parties. i cook food, i wash dishes, i help them with school projects, i talk to their teacher's when the parent's are supposed to. and i really don't mind. i know that my mom isn't going to do it and i'm mature enough to know it needs to get done. so i don't ask questions, i just make sure everything is running. i'm constantly stressed with my home life and on top of that i'm extremely involved with school and so i'm always always stressed. driving has been such a blessing because i can go out and buy myself clothes and food when i/my family needs it. she won't even buy me clothes. everything i have i buy for myself. she will  go out and spend hundreds on clothes for herself but when i ask for jeans or a coat she tells me \"no, you'll just grow out of it.\" mind you, i'm 5'2\" and i stopped growing quite a while ago.   so please. imagine how frustrating it is when i practically run our household and then i'm berated constantly. i do everything i possibly can and yet i'm told that i'm a bitch, a whore, a liar, lazy, that i never listen, i'm irresponsible, i'm good for nothing.   lately, i just feel empty inside. i want to leave. i want to jump on a train and never look back. my mother drives me to this. she is the reason i cut myself, she's the one who makes me hate living. i feel helpless and unloved and i hate everything about my life living with her. she makes me feel crazy. do you have any idea how much it hurts to know your mom has no problem calling cps to take you away? it hurts so badly that the one person who is supposed to love you, your own mother, doesn't really care about you.   i don't know what i expect from posting this. i guess i just want to know if you've experienced something similar and what your advice is. i just need to let this out. thanks so much for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "i would inform your school counselor (if you have one) or vice principal. additionally, encourage your brother to do likewise. this is abuse and needs to be addressed.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1jno8w", "comment_id": "1jno8w"}, {"question": "trust issues due to past", "description": "long story short my parents and older brothers lied to my little sister and i for 12 years of my life saying that we were all fully related. turned out only my little sister and i are fully related and my older brothers are half brothers. but every time i tried to find out the truth about it they all would say that we all had the same mom and dad. had to find out from other family members after 12 years and even then my parents were reluctant to tell me the truth. fast forward now i have trust issues, i don\u2019t take anyone\u2019s word and always second guess people. i\u2019m just wondering if there is any correlation between being lied to for 12 years by people i fully trust and not being able to trust people now.", "answer": "short answer: absolutely, they are the people you\u2019re supposed to be able to trust and they lied to you for a long time. age 12  is such a vulnerable age to find out you\u2019ve been lied to for your whole life (at that point). if you are interested in seeking therapy, i would recommend someone who uses an approach that focuses on attachment. eft or efit would be the mains ones that therapists can be certified in, though there are other approaches that don\u2019t have a certification that will still focus on attachment.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ed4yi1", "comment_id": "ed4yi1"}, {"question": "very scared that i have diabetes", "description": "hi everyone:   ​  male  23  50kg/110 ibs, but i think i've increased that to 54 kg/119 ibs   ​  5 foot 10 inches  ​  south asian (pakistani)   ​  \\*\\*----------------------------------------\\*\\*  basically, i've had insomina for the past 2/3 weeks.   ​  i took over the counter sleeping pills then after a week my doctor gave me zopiclone  ​  this didn't work and yesterday he gave me mirtazapine.   ​  i was awake for hours before i took the mitrazapine and i fell asleep for 18 hours. i woke up about 11/12 after taking it, but 6 hours later it became 18 hours which is when i usually wake up.   ​  due to this insominia i haven't been going to the gym lately. i only went yesterday at 6am for rowing and leg workouts.   ​  today, i woke up and i felt like my brain was going to pop. i had this strange feeling. it's the feeling you get when you've slept a lot (say about 12 hours) right after you wake up, but it went on for hours and hours. i had breakfast and even went out so i walked about 30-40 minutes in total today.   ​  \\*\\*i think the best way to explain this is feeling drowsy, but exactly drowsy\\*\\*. it's very hard to explain.  ​  ​  ​  \\*\\*it feels like i'm very tired without feeling tired\\*\\*. \\*\\*i didn't want to move or talk today\\*\\*. \\*\\*i don't feel tired (necessarily), but i feel extremely lazy\\*\\*.   ​  for the last few weeks, i've been eating a lot. i've had a lot of sugar, but also healthy high protein food to build muscle. as i've said, i've not been to the gym in the past 2/3 weeks, but i've been eating a lot. this has raised my weight by about 5kg to 55kg.   ​  my mouth also feels a little dry even though my oral hygiene is good, so i can't see this dry mouth as a dental hygiene problem.   ​  \\*\\*i've also had some kidney pain in the last few days\\*\\*. this isn't much, but i think it's worth saying.   ​  i've also woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, but to be fair, i've been drinking a lot of water at meals and i usually fall asleep after meals these past few days.   ​  \\*so my question is\\*\\*. does anybody think this is diabetes?   ​  i'm kind of worried  because i have diabetes in my family (granmother and uncle), and i'm getting very serious about sports so of course this will stop me from going far.   ​  thank you all. i know this a very strange and convoluted question, but i'm quite scared.   ​  ​  ​  ​  ​  ​  ​  ​", "answer": "diabetes is easily diagnosed, but not online. none of what you describe sounds particularly suggestive, though. waking up once to urinate is not alarming if during the day you aren't inexplicably thirsty and constantly urinating. weight gain can cause diabetes, but isn't caused by diabetes, and a several kilogram weight gain is unlikely to cause instant diabetes.  it's easy enough to have your fasting blood glucose checked if you're concerned.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9p2m48", "comment_id": "9p2m48"}, {"question": "dating a korean guy ?", "description": " hi !! there is that boy i met ... we hang around together we spend so nice time we talked so much he was reallyyyy careful really nice really intelligent i admired his strengh his personality his courage, it was like a dream but a dream that ended too rapidly... we didnt had time to know each other enought to begin a relationship bc he left to a faaaar place... i am wondering why this happens to me why does he have to be sooo far why i never found any person as interesting... i guess he is now living a nice life, and he always takes care about himself and is a great responsible boy who cares about people around him ... i miss those days, those moments we hang around we ate together... and now we text each day ... but i still haven't confessed that i love him... and he too still didn't confess... but i don't know if he will one day bc i am in not sure if he loves me.... maybe he is seeing me only as a friend with whom he can text each day ... so i have those questions : should i tell him what i feel ? do u think he is also in love with me... how can i telle him that i love him? if he isn't in love with me how can i deal with that unconfortable situation? please any help welcome ", "answer": "\u201cwould you want to go on a date some time?\u201d  also ages?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "a4l8c1", "comment_id": "a4l8c1"}, {"question": "trying to help girlfriend eood", "description": "my girlfriend has depression, anxiety, and ptsd, and i'm trying to see if exercise would help with some of these problems, especially since her psychologist recommended it. the problem is that she can't go to the gym without feeling like all eyes are on her and virtually shutting down in an anxiety attack. i tried to tell her that most people at the gym are too busy to notice her, but she even gets anxious if i look at her. does anyone have any suggestions on how i can help her overcome this? i leave for college in a week and a half and i want to help her as much as possible before i go.   edit: thank you guys so much for your replies!", "answer": "there are roughly a million and a half workouts from home that you can find on youtube! i\u2019ll second yoga with adriene. i also like blogilates. it might be better to start by walking/jogging with music or a podcast. getting outside is also great for depression. ", "topic": "eood", "post_id": "7mg6n8", "comment_id": "7mg6n8"}, {"question": "best type of therapy for uncovering memories and repressed feelings due to avoidance/dissacociation?", "description": "im 19, and im suffering with derealization disorder. i have some trauma from a very young age so i will probably not be able to remember the memories that well, but i know i have some repressed feelings cause i find myself almost having a panic attack for no reason, ill be thinking normal throughout it but ill just feel my body go nuts, and the fact im suffering from constant derealization means something must be bothering me. how can i fully uncover these feelings? ", "answer": "emdr (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is probably the best, somatic experiencing can be very helpful too. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "6zqeor", "comment_id": "6zqeor"}, {"question": "when will be the next time that we meet?", "description": "why does my therapist ask me when the next time we will be meeting after every session? she has been asking me this since i first started seeing her a year ago and i usually see her weekly. sometimes she will stop outside of her room on our way out and ask me when we will meet. other times she will make the decision for me and say see you next week. sometimes she will ask me with apprehension. is she trying to remind me that continuing treatment is up to me and that it shouldnt be assumed that i would come back? sometimes i overthink things and ask myself should i be coming back? why does she keep asking me this, should i be scared? lol.  strangely, i dont at least think about skipping the next week until she asks me when im coming back.sometimes i feel like i should run away and not work through all of these difficult emotions.  i assume that drop out rates are high, otherwise i dont think she would be questioning when i would return. its not just her, when i was seeing other therapists they would also ask me when will be the next time we meet.", "answer": "i don't know the reason your therapist is doing this, but i know a common reason this may happen.   many people in the helping profession want you to know you the ball is in your court. you are the boss. you call the shots . also, it can be uncomfortable for some professionals to be assertive when money is involved . it can come off as \"bring me more money next week!\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fxegfo", "comment_id": "fxegfo"}, {"question": "metformin side effects", "description": "hello fellow pcosers. so, i've read the side effects on metformin and i've displayed several just in the last 2 days. i started metformin back in january with no side effects, but i stopped taking it after a month because i was in the middle of switching my insurance. i started it again this past monday and up until yesterday i was fine. yesterday i had a panic attack, and severe shivering even though my body felt hot. today i woke up shivering again and feel dizzy anytime i stand up. has anyone else experienced this? does it go away after a few days? i plan on contacting my doctor monday, just wanted opinions from people who have taken it. ", "answer": "call the pharmacy or your doctor now. those are some intense reactions, i wouldn't take the lightly.   i did have significantly increased anxiety on metformin including an anxiety attack. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "6aqpuh", "comment_id": "6aqpuh"}, {"question": "i forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and i basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "unless you dragged the blade across her arm you did not force her to do anything.  if she really really didn\u2019t want to do it she wouldn\u2019t have.   that being said you may have influenced her or started her in a path to becoming more curious. but she made a choice. that is not all your responsibility. think of it like this:  you have a friend who goes around stabbing people and they want to stop. friend and you decide if she stabs someone else you are going to have to stab someone too. i doubt you\u2019d stick around long enough to be bff with that person because you don\u2019t want to stab people. on some level she knew the risks and was willing to take them. give her some credit/responsibility too. you are not all powerful. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "7jrv0i"}, {"question": "how long should i wait before smoking weed again?", "description": "i have been a pretty heavy consumer of weed for the past two years smoking almost a quo or two a week at my peak, but recently i decided to stop due to anxiety and panic attack issues. i do not know if weed is the root cause of these issues but i have not smoked on the weekdays during these past couple of weeks and my anxiety has drastically decreased. will smoking once or twice a week put me back up to my prior anxiety level or will it continually decrease with less marijuana consumption? any input would be appreciated.", "answer": "different strains of weed affect anxiety differently and different people respond to weed differently. the safest thing is just to not do it, but only you can know how you will respond. if stopping weed reduced panic attacks and they come back when you start again, then you will know for sure.  if your panic is so scary it's not worth finding the answer, then i'd let it go.  weed is only one of a million pleasurable things in the world, most of which won't physiologically increase anxiety. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "5qf1xj", "comment_id": "5qf1xj"}, {"question": "how to go to a bar alone and socialize?", "description": "so i\u2019ve found that when i have gone out with friends, not all the time, but sometimes there will be moments where we are just shooting the shit with random people, socializing, and having a blast. and of course, just like any other mid 20s male, it\u2019s nice to meet women sometimes too.  thing is, i don\u2019t have many friends. and sometimes, they don\u2019t want to go out.   i had a friend the other day tell me we\u2019d do karaoke tonight which i was hella excited about because i want to do something out of my comfort zone, but it\u2019d be fun cause it\u2019d be with all my friends. i even had a song picked out and everything.  today he told me he doesn\u2019t want to go out anymore, now i\u2019m just dressed up all nice stuck at home with nothing to do. i want to go out, but i am terrified of going out alone. i used to do it all the time, but all i\u2019d do is dance alone on the dance floor and girls would occasionally approach me. i\u2019m always worried i\u2019ll just be stuck in my head and not talk to a single person.   i want to be able to actually be social and have a good time without the need of a friend as \u201csocial insurance\u201d i guess you can call it... i\u2019m not getting any younger.", "answer": "you probably have more anxiety over what might happen than the amount of anxiety you\u2019d have if you were there.     i find i\u2019m more motivated to spark up conversations with strangers when i\u2019m alone because i don\u2019t have a friend to fall back on.  it\u2019s the best way in my experience is if the bar has an outdoor area where people are just chilling.  if you hear people talking about something you\u2019re interested in, join in.  if you don\u2019t, ask them random questions that might spark a conversation.   some times it\u2019s a great night and you\u2019ll be surrounded by people open to making friends, other times the bar will be dead or full of people not trying to talk to people they don\u2019t know.  just keep at it, but going out alone once in a while might just be your best bet of meeting people.     i have no shame.  i\u2019ve straight up heard people talking about something i\u2019m interested in whether it be hockey, game of thrones, or d&d, or psychology (my profession) and have been like, \u201chey i heard you guys talking about blank, that\u2019s my shit.  my friends bailed on me, mind if i hang out?\u201d and it\u2019s been met with more success than rejection.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bplxdw", "comment_id": "bplxdw"}, {"question": "my [21f] new so [22] has the same name as my abusive father [56m].", "description": "i [21f] just started seeing a new partner [22] who is wonderful, nice, and hot, but they have the same name as my abusive father [56m] and i'm struggling with it because i really enjoy referring to my sos by their names, especially in intimate situations like deep talks and sex.   whenever we're getting it on and i want to call them by their name, i can't help thinking about the trauma with my father and it immediately takes me out of the mood. the same goes when we're having talks about serious topics because thinking about my father makes me immensely uncomfortable and anxious.   i'm currently in therapy working on my issues, but does anyone have advice about this? the obvious solution is to come up with a nickname but those are only good if they come about naturally.   also any advice on how to talk to them about it would be much appreciated! you're all wonderful", "answer": "nickname is a good solution if real name is a trigger. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s95nl", "comment_id": "5s95nl"}, {"question": "checking myself into a hospital today", "description": "i\u2019ve been off the rails for the past few months emotionally. this year hasn\u2019t been great. my dad overdosed 7 months ago and it\u2019s taken a huge toll on almost every aspect of my life. the love of my life left me and i\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s because i wasn\u2019t taking care of myself enough and it was too much for him. now we don\u2019t even talk. my best friend told me i was toxic on christmas eve and i lost her too. i\u2019ve been drinking way too much. i\u2019ve been smoking too much and i\u2019ve been getting high. i\u2019ve been making horrible decisions because i just haven\u2019t felt like my life is worth living anymore. last night i feel like i finally collapsed and it became apparent to me that i need some help. i spent an hour on the side of the road on the phone with my therapist while he talked me off the ledge and in a few hours i\u2019m driving myself to inpatient. i\u2019m so scared and i\u2019m so lonely, i just hope it helps. ", "answer": "kudos to you for realizing you need the help. it can be a tremendously healing time!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7n1soi", "comment_id": "7n1soi"}, {"question": "dae get hurt by knowing their partner watches porn?", "description": "i know i'm overly sensitive about this stuff due to being cheated on and feeling used etc. but just wondering if i'm the only one, i find it especially more hurtful when i saw my boyfriend just watching women alone, i can try my best to rationalise and understand people watch it for the act, but it hurts to think he may watch to seek a better body etc.", "answer": "same. i can\u2019t say anything to help really. my partner is addicted and it\u2019s so incredibly painful", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "cc3357", "comment_id": "cc3357"}, {"question": "wellbutrin experience", "description": "hello everyone, i\u2019m 22 years old and i recently got diagnosed with adhd. i got tested by a psychologist and now i\u2019m at the point in my diagnosis where we\u2019re deciding meds. my psychologist recommended wellbutrin since i also smoke but he said that i could do a stimulant too. i\u2019ve recently been reading a lot about adhd  medications and both the pros and cons for stimulants but i don\u2019t really know much about wellbutrin. just wondering if anyone here has used it, how it worked for them, and if anyone has used a stimulant and wellbutrin what worked better for you. any help is greatly appreciated, thanks!!", "answer": "wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant that worked for me. it\u2019s not an ssri like zoloft, paxil, prozac, lexapro.  i had it prescribed prior to adhd diagnosis, for depression. i think since my depression stems mostly from the adhd symptoms, and wellbutrin is mildly stimulating (helps with motivation, yay!) it worked well.   i moved and stopped taking it tho. eventually - now on low dose adderall. just got wellbutrin added because i have a depressive epi happening and wana quit smoking too.   i\u2019ve had good experiences, and hope it will help again for me and be beneficial for you! but a higher dose be aware of, seemed like a big jump in effect between the 150 and 300 mg.  edit: adding that my psych explained that because of my adhd brain (more of a dopamine/norepinephrine thing i guess) it made sense i responded well to the wellbutrin and not serotonin meds.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "cfoph5", "comment_id": "cfoph5"}, {"question": "i had a mental episode but i was asleep when i was suffering from it, i need answers as to what i\u2019m also suffering from", "description": "hello i\u2019m new to this sub and this is my first post here. introductions aside i need help, just yesterday my grandparents found me collapsed on the couch and saw that i had pushed and messed some things in the living room and as i woke up i felt my body ache from it which was the first sign i experienced and it made me concern as to what happened earlier, i also found that i had several scratches on my right arm which meant i may have also hurt myself somewhere if anyone can tell me what type of episode i just did i\u2019ll tell it to my psychiatrist.  edit: i forgot to add this but i\u2019m diagnosed with adjustment disorder so i\u2019m not sure if this was the reason i had this particular episode but i was cleared for regular consultation to \u2018as needed diagnosis\u2019.", "answer": "no memories of the event whatsoever? i would be inclined to call that a dissociative fugue. needs more information to validate, though.   i would let your psychiatrist know and explain it as plainly as you can.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e4fq2z", "comment_id": "e4fq2z"}, {"question": "does online ldr works even you haven't met them in person?", "description": "so, i was talking with a guy for like a week or so and we talked all day long, until one of us have to go to sleep. but well, the guy wanted to be my boyfriend and so he wouldn't find someone else, but he also wanted me to go to his country and meet him. i don't have money for that and he told me he would pay for my flight ticket, but i don't think he should do this and let me get money for that, which could take a couple months or maybe a year and i wanted to take things slow, since we don't know each other very well, but he thought i didn't want to be with him and stopped talking to me after that... :/  do you think i was wrong for saying that to him? he doesn't seem so patient when i said that tho", "answer": "it's not a relationship until you see each other a lot and decide it is.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "777fnb", "comment_id": "777fnb"}, {"question": "just venting. my pharmacist has started treating me like a drug addict when i go in to collect my psychiatrist prescribed medications and it's making me feel like shit.", "description": "i am prescribed five, of the lowest dose available xanax a week, along with a very low dose sleeping tablet.     i have so much going on at the moment. my life is hard to manage even without ptsd.    today, after my doctor i was told i had to take two xanax a day one in the morning, one at night for a month and go back to see the doctor in a month.  my pharmacist refused to fill the prescription, said i had already collected my weekly allowance and was very rude about it.    they wouldn't phone my doctor for me to check.   when i phoned my doctor they said the pharmacy had to phone them and i haven't heard back yet.    this happens constantly.    my prescriptions are printed. there's no way i could forge them.    i just hate it so much.    i already feel like shit, i already hate that i need the meds in the first place. i don't go looking for them, but right now i'm being told to take them.   bleh", "answer": "sorry you are going through this. you didn't do anything to deserve this unprofessional treatment. this pharmacist has taken it on himself to overrule an order from your doctor, e.g. the new prescription.   i also encourage you to go somewhere else. loyalty and emotional connection to a small business is great, but you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. the pharmacist's behavior here is unethical on several levels. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5lv1mp", "comment_id": "5lv1mp"}, {"question": "lamictal rash (def not sjs) or allergy and should i even give a crap about it?", "description": "- 42 yo f - 5'9\" - 170lbs - caucasian - southeastern us - lamotrigine 200mg qd, citalopram 20mg qd, trazodone 75mg qd, hydroxyzine 50mg prn, hydrocortisone cream 1% prn - bipolar 2, anxiety, adhd, severe tbi (childhood) ehlers-danlos syndrome (hypermobility type) - itchy, stinging rash on inside of r elbow, no weeping. - 2 days  throw away account, fti. i've been taking 200mg of lamotrigine for six months (started at 50mg two years ago). i missed a dose five days ago and took my regular dose the following day about 18 hours after the missed dose. the rash started with a few bumps last night and worsened to this overnight. it's still creeping a little bit, but not quickly. i haven't been exposed to poison ivy, no new soaps or detergents, no bug bites that i can see.   eta: when i first started taking lamotrigine two years ago, i got a similar rash that started on my trunk and moved out to my extremities. it was a rapid titration issue and resolved with no problems after the dose was adjusted.  tl;dr: is this worth a call to my doctor?   WEBLINK", "answer": "it doesn't look concerning to me, but any rash with lamotrigine is worth having really examined by a doctor out of an abundance of caution.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9ldi62", "comment_id": "9ldi62"}, {"question": "do therapists keep up with modern psychology? if so, how do they?", "description": "i was wondering if therapists keep up to date with modern psychology. do you guys read studies and books and such to keep your knowledge fresh?", "answer": "my license requires me to complete 40 hours of continuing education every 2 years. while some people do the bare minimum,  many psychologists regularly attend conferences, seminars,  and trainings outside their required hours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hb2v0v", "comment_id": "hb2v0v"}, {"question": "to the \u201colder\u201d people here, how do you feel adhd has impacted your success in life?", "description": "i\u2019m 29 now and was only diagnosed a little under a year ago. it\u2019s helped me so much being on medication and learing more about living with adhd; but i often wish i could have been diagnosed younger and would\u2019ve had a much more stable life as well as be more successful.   so, to those attempting to live an adult life, how do you feel adhd has impacted your success?  were you diagnosed as a child or adult?  do you think having adhd has benefited you?  and how have you coped/managed with having adhd as an adult, with work, personal life etc?  i\u2019m not expecting everyone to answer all these, i just want to prompt some discussion around living with adhd as an adult.  thanks and much love to you all.", "answer": "30yo, not old but fit your criteria i think. diagnosed a year and a bit ago.  i think i was almost at the peak of my abilities beforehand but now i feel like i could really make a difference in the world. i think i was diagnosed right when i needed to be. if it wasn't for my struggles, i wouldn't be where i am. it's why i joined the army, why i have experience personally in mental health struggles, and why i went to university (hyperfocus is fun when it's on a possible career). if not for those things, i wouldn't be where i am.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "glxuj5", "comment_id": "glxuj5"}, {"question": "help interpreting thyroid lab results", "description": "hi there! i am a 37 (f) 5\u20192, 142lbs, living in massachusetts. previous smoker, non-drinker. i recently had a full work up done by my pcp due to a wide variety of sx all revolving around feeling just generally unwell.   one of the workups done was my thyroid, which i was convinced was the problem, however the results came back as \u201cnormal\u201d. i\u2019ve been reading literature which states there is a difference between \u201cnormal\u201d and \u201coptimal\u201d results. the attached picture shows the normal value range, which i clearly fall into.   i was hoping someone could take a [look](WEBLINK) and tell me if my results are in the optimal range, and if not would that indicate hypo or hyper thyroid. also is there anything else thyroid related that should have been tested but was not.   i appreciate anyone who takes the time to respond. thank you!   ", "answer": "the idea of \"optimal\" endocrinology is largely a product of pseudoscientific para-medicine. that's a normal thyroid panel, and there is no evidence-based reason to do anything with or to your thyroid based on those results.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "905zgf", "comment_id": "905zgf"}, {"question": "10,000 days", "description": "wow.  here i am at the top of keystone mountain in colorado skiing on my 10,000th sober day.  i finally think i have lived more days sober than drunk/hungover.    to anyone wondering how i did it.  i don\u2019t really know other than i know i totally surrendered and asked for help.  recovery programs exist because they work.    it sure is pretty skiing. i just wanted to post and say hello and maybe be a bit of encouragement to someone that is still struggling.    \ud83d\udc4d\ud83c\udffciwndwyt", "answer": "congratulations! i\u2019m wishing you many more!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "e9bk2p", "comment_id": "e9bk2p"}, {"question": "how strong is teva-venlafaxine 75 mg tablets", "description": "girlfriend is taking two every day for anxiety and missed a dose and got every symptom from withdrawal.  anything yoy guys can tell me about this drug... are there much stronger ones that are prescribed or is this pretty much the top dog?", "answer": "theres no \"stronger\" antidepressant, though some are more effective than others in large sample studies (cipriani et al).  i prescribe venlafaxine regularly. its effective for many. general principles is to try the top dose (if tolerated) for a while before switching. venlafaxine typically goes up to 375mg daily (in the uk).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8e4jqc", "comment_id": "8e4jqc"}, {"question": "xanax and alcohol", "description": "i have a prescription for alprazolam for panic attacks and for when i get overwhelming anxiety. i have an event coming up and i am going to hang out with a group of friends in which i will need to take xanax to be able to go or my anxiety will overwhelm me and i will end up getting sick to the point where i'd need to cancel.  most all drugs dont have much effect on me unless i take a somewhat higher dosage, and tend to wear off fast. my doctor says it's probably due to high matabolism. however it is not the same case with alcohol, i tend to get a good drunk off of 3 shots within 30-60 minutes (either that or i just cant handle the dizzyness of alcohol and associate that eith being very drunk). .5mg xanax does absolutely nothing for me and 1mg is alright.  so i would be taking around 1.5-2 mg xanax around 5pm, and our group will be drinking around 11-12pm. i know that xanax can potentiate the effects of alcohol.  when drinking i would be playing it very safe and having only a half a drink to 1 drink throughout the night maximum.  i rarely take the xanax, maybe once every 2 weeks. i rarely drink too, maybe once every 3 months or so. will i be safe to do this? how long of a wait is safe?", "answer": "we say it because we fear for your life. not trying to be an ass, but i see so many die and od from this combo, just not worth it ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "67x7gm", "comment_id": "67x7gm"}, {"question": "friend has recently become obsessed with poetry", "description": "i'm worried about my friend's mental health. he's 44, major adhd, substance abuse but generally a happy person and never seemed to worry and had a general attitude that life will work itself out. he had a small traumatic event that he seems to be dwelling on a lot. his brother in law grabbed his sister's wrist in front of him and his nieces and nephew and he called the police, keeps cussing his mom out (their mom is a social worker who is one who removes kids from abusive homes) for not removing the kids from that household.  he seems to be leaving reality a bit. he knighted me and one of his dealer/friends with the grip end of a golf club. he literally had a web designer design and go live with website for his new \"motorcycle club\" where people pay admission to join. he has dreamed up auxiliaries at his club, much like a church may have. he feels his club will be for the good of the world and look out for people who are victims. the main symptom seems to be his obsession with poetry. it kind of reminds me of watching an episode of the children's show, mr. rogers' world with the rhyming and kingdom references. this guy obviously has studied some poetry in his life because he would recite some from memory while people were festively drinking and it would be funny but now he seems lost trying to create a half of line of poetry over the course of an hour or two during business hours.  is a sudden obsession with poetry a sign of schizophrenia or some other type of mental illness?", "answer": "what drugs does he typically use, and what's he used recently?  im interested in your comment about \"44, major adhd\" - can you elaborate?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "683lu0", "comment_id": "683lu0"}, {"question": "massive loser, very lost in life", "description": "hey reddit i never in my life have discussed my issues with anyone im usually very private but i would like to just hear your advice if you have any for me.   -im 23 male  -morbidly obese, this has been a 5 year battle i never can get the upper hand on. it\u2019s 100% mental, using junk food like cigarettes. i was athletic in high school. i know how to be healthy i just cannot for the life of me change my behavior. i know it sounds stupid for healthy people but i just can\u2019t stop i feel like im hurting myself against my will.  -virgin, never touched a girl  -living at home with my parents (i have a very... \u201cquiet\u201d relationship with them. they love me and i love them but we never really interact)  -been working a part time retail job since high school ended  -chemistry major senior (i hate that i chose this major. it\u2019s not going to lead to anything useful i just wasted my time. and i\u2019m not going to grad school for sure)  -no hobbies, no friends, i spend all day doing homework and working retail.   -only time i enjoyed life was when i was a teenager smoking weed and being a degenerate with my 2 close friends but one of them died soon after high school ended and the other had a mental breakdown and long story short doesn\u2019t interact with anyone anymore (i could further elaborate if you want trying to keep this succinct)  -i cant smoke weed anymore cause of random drug tests (although i guess a loser like me should be avoiding such vices)  -i just feel lost. i\u2019m not suicidal cause that\u2019s scary i\u2019m just feeling really detached from everything like i don\u2019t get how to play the game of life correctly", "answer": "normally my go-to answer is \u201cget thee to a therapist\u201d but in this case, if you were a kid walking into my office, i\u2019d really prefer you see a medical doctor first. rule out underlying conditions that could be contributing to or even causing your symptoms (eg, thyroid problems could be causing both weight gain and sx of depression).    having said that, clearly you\u2019ve got some pretty negative self esteem going on\u2014therapy can help with that. so: 1) doctor, closely followed by 2) counseling. if you\u2019re a university student in the us, there\u2019s likely therapeutic counseling service offered by the school. if not, see if your insurance can help get a private therapist.   hope this helps. you are young and have a lot going for you\u2014you\u2019re a student, you have a job, and you have a roof over your head; that is more than a lot of young people can say right now. i do not see a loser in this post! i see a guy struggling with direction in life, as so many of us do in our early 20s. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "83tbwd", "comment_id": "83tbwd"}, {"question": "is life with adhd just running late to everything until i die?", "description": "i\u2019m 27 and that\u2019s what it feels like it\u2019s shaping up to be.", "answer": "yes.   but in an endearing way.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "d6z8yk", "comment_id": "d6z8yk"}, {"question": "how do you overcome trust issues?", "description": "what can i do about my trust issues? i came out of a relationship where i (think i did) nought wrong and got cheated on by her with her best friend at the time. current gf is going out clubbing tonight with a couple and a single guy. the guy (her best guy friend) has been interested in her before but years ago. i see red flags basically where there is no cause for alarm this time around. what do i do? i am deeply in love with this girl and can see myself spending the rest of my life with her so long as i get over my trust issues...   tl;dr: girlfriend going out with a friend who was interested in her. i see red flags, i probably shouldn't... how do i get rid of them?", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nb6ay", "comment_id": "6nb6ay"}, {"question": "need help with getting the most put of therapy?", "description": "so i've been to two therapist in my life. one was male who i opened up to right off the bat. the second one was female. i wasnt quite sure how to open up to her. idk if it was their gender or their personalities but i felt like i got way more accomplished with the first one. im not at the same facility anymore and idk what to do. im not sure what is appropriate to talk about with them and im not sure whats too big or too small to talk about. and i feel like they are bsing me sometime. i plan to go back to the second one but im.not sure how that would work. there are other options i believe but i dont want to waste anymore time than i have. how can i get the most out of therapy?", "answer": "my general rule is to give a therapist 3 sessions.  if after the 3rd, you don't feel like you're getting much out of it, either have the conversation with the therapist or look to move on to a different therapist.     some therapists may be great, but not necessarily a great fit for you and as frustrating as it can be, sometimes you have to shop around until you find one that works for you.     generally, we're willing to work with you on whatever issues you present.  for both your own wellbeing and the relationship you have with your therapists, it's generally better to get to know them before discussing any severe traumatic experiences in detail, but short of that, anything and everything is fair game, so long as you're comfortable talking about it.     i would say when self-reflecting, either talking about things that you might not feel comfortable talking about with anyone else or talking about things that you really want more unbiased/objective feedback on is a good way to use therapy.  with the latter though, keep in mind, good therapists aren't going to just give you straight up advice or tell you what to do, but help you figure out the best path for yourself.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91u1q3", "comment_id": "91u1q3"}, {"question": "annie grace was right all along! drank after 50 days", "description": "i was sober for 50 days and i'm proud of that! but i binge drank yesterday. i woke up this morning throwing up, headache, tummy ache, and a lot of regret. also some embarrassing facebook posts to delete, but every one has already seen them by now.  ​  i'm sure you're all familiar with annie grace, author of this naked mind. she also does youtube videos and podcasts.   her big thing is that we shouldn't even crave alcohol anything because it's not fun, not pleasurable, etc.   i swear, she is so right, and i should have listened to her. yes i feel sick and hungover now, but what i have noticed the past several times i have relapsed is that the actual drinking part is not fun. seriously. i have a buzz for what, 15 minutes? the rest was just silly nonsense that i don't even remember. i did not have fun drinking.  ​  in the past, i knew drinking would make me sick and hungover but i justified it cause i thought it would relax me or be fun. what i have definitely noticed is that even when i'm drunk i'm actually not relaxed or enjoying it. the whole appeal of drinking is a myth.", "answer": "yet we still drink. that\u2019s the insanity of it. and that is also why i can\u2019t \u201cthink\u201d myself sober through all of this knowledge i have about it. for me, aa and the steps is the only way.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bya59c", "comment_id": "bya59c"}, {"question": "the most difficult part of an essay: planning and synthesis. and how to overcome this.", "description": "so i have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. i guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, adhd-addled brain.   but then the dread kicks in when i have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. being a perfectionist, i'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. so this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when i've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. but i really want to work on avoiding this so i can plan in peace.   anyway, i've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. i make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. so the ideas basically progress logically down the rows.   then the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. for this part, i copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so i have a copy next to me while planning the essay. this avoids scatter.   so after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, i cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. and if it's a shorter essay, i filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the most useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)  it's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety i am currently experiencing.", "answer": "sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you.  i have a similar one where i outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where i plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. i also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. to help, i do a \"pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. for example, a 10 page paper with 3 weeks to complete means i can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review.  at first i just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then i read each section to adjust content and syntax. i find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when i have something already on the page.  the trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "6vo5uc"}, {"question": "want to sleep with people other than so, what do i do?", "description": "the title is a pretty broad statement, and i will lay down background before anyone makes assumptions or general inferences that could be incorrect.   i've been in my [22m] current relationship with my so [20f] for over 2 1/2 years now, we have lived together for about a year and a half of that time. before we lived together, we were ld for a year, besides when she lived here (separate from myself) for a summer. we have a very healthy relationship, we get along great, and many other people say we a great together.   we don't ever really get into fights about anything, we're both pretty easy going-with-the-flow type. we have sex regularly, go on dates, do pretty much everything outside of work together. we also each have \"alone time\" which for me is usually saturdays (she works) and weeknights after i get off work before she gets home. it varies from a couple hours to 3-4 hours depending on her shifts. her time being her days off during the week while i'm working, and in the morning before her shifts that start later.  overall we have a really great relationship and aside from small bickering, we get along pretty perfectly. so why the title then op? here goes.  in the last few months, i've found myself thinking about other women outside of my relationship. the thoughts are mostly sexual, me just wondering what it would be like to have sex with different women, sometimes random people, or sometimes women i know, or fantasizing about a girl in a nsfw picture, etc. i respect myself and my so far too much to act on these desires. even if i did want to, i'm terrible at socializing, specifically with the opposite gender.   is this a normal desire for someone my age? i also just started going to the gym more religiously in the last couple months, maybe this is because of a spike in testosterone? i've sort of always wanted to experiment with different types of girls and have always had a high sex drive. also, i have only had sex with my current ltr, and my ltr in high school. i don't know what i should do, as sometimes the desires are stronger than others, but i would not cheat. should i maybe see if she has had the same desires and talk about an open relationship? it would be very awkward to bring up as she would think something is up.   tl;dr for the last couple months i've been having sexual desires outside of my healthy ltr. should i talk about my desires with so, or just push them to the side?  any advice is welcomed and appreciated. thank you in advance.", "answer": "do not tell him; it will create huge insecurity. you have to decide about the kind of rel. you want. committed mono ltr, poly, or single", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0v1z", "comment_id": "5s0v1z"}, {"question": "[21/m] my friend [20/m] is flirting with my colleague [20/f] behind my back, but it's more confusing than that.", "description": "feel free to call me a scumbag if i am. i'm a bit confused right now.  *a bit of back story here before i go into the current situation. about two years ago i found out my friend had been seeing my ex behind my back. actively attempting to stop me from finding out. i only find out eventually because ex gets mad at him and spills the beans. i let friend know this isn't cool, he's a cunt etc, but in the end i forgive because the relationship with ex wasn't a serious one, and male friend is part of a larger friendship group, so cutting him out would be big implications on the rest of the group.*  ------  **main backstory**  i'm in a relationship with a girl [20/f] and we've been together for just over a year. when this relationship was first starting, i had the opportunity to hire the **f**emale **c**olleague.   fc and i had spoken online six months before this and flirted a fair bit. we developed mild feelings for each other, but then unconnected events lead to us drifting apart. interview time comes round and she's the strongest candidate so i give her the job. at this point, i'm about one month into relationship with my girlfriend. i do not plan for anything to happen between myself and fc - at the end of the day she's a fun person to be around.   after a few weeks working together i develop a small crush on fc. there's some innocent flirting here and there, but i've never let it develop into anything more.   after fc has been working for my company for 3-4 months, she starts talking to **m**ale **f**riend. mf likes to sleep with anyone that he can, so i tell him flat out. i am in a relationship, but i have mild feelings for fc, so i would prefer if he could stay away from her. he says yes, no problem, he understands. even after previous events i trusted friend.   ------  **recent events**   over the past two months i've notice that they have been texting each other more and more. recently it must be upwards of 50 texts per day (at a guess, judging from when i spent time with mf a few days ago). one thing that annoyed me considerably recently was that i asked mf if he had any suggestions as to what i could buy my girlfriend for her birthday (i was freaking out about it) while we were both at work. mf replied with \"i'm busy dude, i'll talk to you at lunch\" - then, while doing some work with fc i saw them exchange multiple texts. *very busy, dude.*  the thing that launched it over the edge happened today. fc had to leave work early and left her personal facebook logged in. i found this a perfect opportunity to write a comical status. as i was doing this i noticed that a chat box was open between the two. the messages i saw looked a bit flirtatious. curiosity took the better of me and i scrolled up to read a bit more. very, very flirtatious - but i realised this was a big invasion of privacy and stopped reading.   ------  i'm very annoyed at mf right now. it's painful to be unable to trust someone that i was so close to. this thread might just be to vent, but i'd like the opinions of others.   am i the dick for asking friend not to go there? should i cut him off because he's broken my trust not once, but twice? is he meeting up with her behind my back?   ", "answer": "better question that will help you put this into perspective- how would your so go about this if you opened up to her about this problem? what sort of advice would she give you? would you ever even bring this up to her?  general rule of thumb is, if you are doing something that you don't want your so to know, its probably something that crosses a boundary that you shouldn't be doing. boundaries exist for a reason. you set one up by saying you would never do anything with this girl, fc, yet you continuously cross the friend/coworker/dating line with her. and this is why you are confused. you now run the risk of losing not one, but two really good friends (mf, fc) and also damaging your relationship with the thoughts andactions you might take on this. i hate to say it... but you kind of made your bed here and you have to lay on it.  i say this because you are acting on feelings. feelings, once developed ,cannot really be changed. only dealt with. thats what boundaries do- they prevent these feelings from being developed in the first place. you mess that up, you crossed a line you weren't supposed to. mf and fc owe you nothing, they don't need to respect any wishes you have at all here because you have no right and no claim to any of this. sorry.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1if7ic", "comment_id": "1if7ic"}, {"question": "i think i have cptsd.  what now?", "description": "i'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but a little less than 10 years ago i was the target for bullying and a lot of other bad stuff, and i ended up having a nervous breakdown.  fast forward, i'm in college and about to graduate.  i've been swinging back and forth between thinking i've put it all behind me and jumping at every indication that it might happen all over again and having terrible hysteric episodes as a result.  it's been impacting my work and my social life, and it's become more and more obvious that the stuff i've gone through is still a problem in my life.  so i guess my question is this: i have very little income, my insurance doesn't cover mental health, and i have virtually no one to lean on financially.  since what i have is not from a specific event, i don't think most free options will be willing to work with me, since they'd specialize in ptsd.  i want to move on with my life.  i've got so much to work toward and so much to look forward to, but i feel like i'm wearing a ball and chain.  what are my options?  **edit:** *thank you all for the support and advice.  once i'm back from vacation i'll look into the resources you suggested.  hugs for everyone!*", "answer": "i'm not a big fan of emdr, but i do highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy and would maybe even consider dialectical behavioral therapy or finding someone who can integrate a combination of those two treatments.  also, this is the second time today i'm plugging this workbook, but it has some excellent, excellent chapters on cptsd (not all books on ptsd talk about it) in it and isn't too expensive.  some of the exercises in this book are ones that therapists do, anyway.  so while you're saving up money for therapy or waiting for health insurance to kick in, it's something i'd consider. WEBLINK", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "14r38y", "comment_id": "14r38y"}, {"question": "are there actual therapists out there that can help people with adhd?", "description": "as the title suggests. this quarantine has made my emotions come out all loopy and i\u2019m prone to high anxiety/anger mixed with depression and whenever i try to talk to my mom she never seems to understand. she was never willing to grasp that i have adhd personally due to the way i \u201cgot \u201c it, 25f by the way. so literally this past week i\u2019ve started thinking of maybe i need some type of therapy to help with my emotions. i\u2019m a psychology major and i know a little bit about cbt but i\u2019m curious if there a therapists out there who specializes in disorders i guess and how would i find one?  thank you for any help or advice.", "answer": "yes , there are . i always recommend getting a referral from your physician if you can.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g39kry", "comment_id": "g39kry"}, {"question": "reddit is not for black women, i am not treated like everyone else all the time", "description": "reddit is cool, it has subs for pretty much anyone. there's subs for things like memes to places where you can have intellectual conversations.  but as a black woman, i have learned **reddit.is.not.our.friend.**  something that i found **discusting** is the sub for rating how people look. very average looking whit women are rated high or average, but black women they say ignorant borderline racist shit. i've seen them list our skin color as to why we're below average. men have said that our noses are ugly/nostrils too big and even to get surgery to fix that once. also to \"fix\" and neaten our natural hair even though it was healthy and beautiful and nothing messy about it. but then if there's a black woman with straight hair i've seen them say we \"shouldn't wear weave\" or \"weave/wig is unattractive\", they don't even know if it's weave we have long hair too! the most beautiful model like black girl is considered ugly or below average compared to an average white woman on that sub. black men are rated way better than us. just say you like european features better!   whenever i have talked about my experiences with racism i'm always met with disbelief or the popular \"stop making everything about race\". but posts about white people experiencing \"racism\" (most of the time it's just that a poc didn't want to say hi or didn't talk to them) they get the most love and support and up votes i've ever seen :(  this is why i only really go on subs for black men and women only, because i feel good about my blackness and i can be myself with people judging me. and people actually understanding my struggles anv not some white people (and some other poc) not believing it **just because they haven't personally seen or been through it**  honestly i might take a break :/  ", "answer": "i\u2019m sorry they have ever made you feel less than. you wrote about your experience so eloquently. you clearly have a great voice and a lot to say. maybe the right people just can\u2019t hear you yet! keep your head up! i see you, girl! don\u2019t let people through a screen, with their own insecurities, make you feel any less than the strong, brave woman that you are putting yourself out there!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aivo5z", "comment_id": "aivo5z"}, {"question": "i just wanna htave a fun post for once.", "description": "hold up, hold up, woah   lets stop drowning in rants and depression real quick   you see this shit? not very fun. and i understand why   i know why this is filled with depressing rants and stuff   but i want a fun post to cheer people up a bit, is that a bit much to ask some?   to want to hit me up with some of that good stuff?   so. how do ya do, what has been going on, anything good? any news about games, or work, or achievements or friends, anything at all?", "answer": "looks like i found a spot to host my therapeutic rpg group for teens in the city by me!  when i first \"started the practice\", in full adhd mode, i found a spot in the burbs near where i live, built a website, and blitz advertised all around the area.     after a couple months went by, i couldn't even get enough clients to start the first group.  i had more d&d playing adults saying they wanted to work for me than i had parents signing their kids up.     i lost motivation, got discouraged, and in my typical adhd fashion, got distracted with other projects.  i recently caught myself, forced myself to throw myself back into this thinking if i moved it into the city rather than the burbs, i'd have a better chance of it taking off!     lo and behold, not only am i on the cusp of getting a spot in the city in my old neighborhood, but one where i may not even have to pay any rent to run my practice out of!    big lesson i learned from this, if i want something bad enough, don't let minor or even major setbacks kill my interest.  my impulses will tell me to move on to the next interesting thing, but if i keep going back and trying to make something work, it will.  thanks for giving me a place to brag/celebrate!", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "bs200m", "comment_id": "bs200m"}, {"question": "addiction recovery , and seeking help", "description": "hi all. i just wanted to seek wisdom and reflection of what i'm going through. if any one has experienced just starting out on anti depressants in their late twenties let me know. i tried prozac once a few years ago but felt manic like i drank a bunch of coffee and i didn't like it. didn't try anything again. i feel more open to trying some kind of psychiatric medication.  i have been in recovery from an eating disorder and food addiction for three years. i am in a 12 step program and have been in and out of relapse. i went to a food addiction intensive a few weeks ago and i realized i have underlying depression and trauma that needs addressing. my energy dips so low sometimes that it feels like i am moving through molasses and feel like i'm 80 years old (i am 27).   since may i have had a horrible relapse in and out of binge eating . i feel super distracted , confused , angry , depressed and lack energy. binge eating messes with my head and effects me physically , mentally and emotionally. the addiction + mood disorder is really hard. i have had a therapist for past year but she does not specialize in addiction .  last week i  quit my jobs to move across the country to live near people in recovery and go to treatment center . i am realizing that is too much. in a way i feel like i was wanting to run away. i am too overwhelmed to do that and want to stay where i am living and focus on getting well here. i have a support network here in form of 12 step group and some college friends . i also don't know if i can even go to treatment center because i don't have insurance or thousands of dollars out of my pocket to to cover it.  i have had such major issues with getting health insurance . luckily i went to a crisis center last week and they guided me to local resources. i have to get medicaid on monday and schedule appointments with the mental health clinic.  i am simitaneudously peaceful and freaked out i quit my jobs . i want to give myself a few weeks to get my therapy, group, psychologist stuff in line. i left on good terms. i want to be well and go back to work as soon as i am able. i have a little under $2000 saved so a month off from working won't be too hard on me. i really don't want to struggle anymore and i feel like this has been going on for years and that's too long. ", "answer": "have you seen a psychiatrist at any time during this?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4ztp65", "comment_id": "4ztp65"}, {"question": "starting the new year off by taking antidepressants for the first time!", "description": "hey y\u2019all, i (24f) am starting wellbutrin/bupropion. does anyone have any words of advice? the pharmacist said with or without food, do you recommend taking with a meal? i\u2019m starting on 150xr. thanks in advance! happy 2020!", "answer": "sounds like a good way to start off the new year. here's some things to keep in mind:  1. start off taking it with meals to see if you can tolerate okay (one common side effect is nausea). it also helps you get into a dosing schedule, which is super important. breakfast time is usually best especially when starting a new medication (so you aren't having major side effects after a dose before bed). remember, consistency is key with dosing medications: you want to try and take it around the same time every day.   2. be mindful of side effects. you can look them up or ask your pharmacist for a sheet. common ones for wellbutrin are nausea and loss of appetite. there are some more uncommon ones like headaches and dizziness. until you have a general idea how it affects you be mindful of your activities  3. antidepressants can cause a short term introduction or increase in suicidal ideation. it is temporary but can suck. keep your doctor and other professionals in the loop if this occurs for you.  4. antidepressants help take the edge off your symptoms but do not necessarily eliminate them. pairing medication use with other interventions like therapy, exercise, healthier diet, and social interaction will maximize the impacts of the medication. it also helps you remain less reliant on it for relief. don't forget good sleep hygiene too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiiyd9", "comment_id": "eiiyd9"}, {"question": "okay, i'm just starting college and i've already met this girl. i asked her to go to coffee and she said yes.", "description": "i dont know how to approach things now, i find her extremely attractive and feel like i could be in a relationship with her.  we havent gone out yet but i dont want to screw things up, any advice on what to do?", "answer": "slow your roll, son.  a date is good, but that's all it is.  you're literally at *step one* of the get to know you game.  the purpose of the date is to learn if you enjoy each other's company, and there's nothing wrong with finding out that you don't.  lower your expectations of what constitutes a \"good date.\"  authenticity is key.  talk about the things that interest you, don't stress about appearing \"cool\", and let things flow naturally.  you might be nervous; most people are.  that's fine and just let it happen. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "1l7753", "comment_id": "1l7753"}, {"question": "groinal response.", "description": "i got a groinal response when i looked at a picture of a kid and now i'm terrified. i didn't go back to test if i actually felt anything for her. i was diagnosed with ocd but now i'm scared  i also had groinal responses when i was kid but i made nothing of it because there was no attraction. should i be worried???", "answer": "if it feels like ocd, treat it like ocd. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "50tcki", "comment_id": "50tcki"}, {"question": "i fucking hate the rhetoric of 'diagnoses don't matter'/'you shouldn't focus on those' that i've gotten from therapists", "description": "yet i never even heard the word disthymia or of an actual concept of persistent depressive disorder until over 5 years into this hellish journey trying to figure out and/or fix my mental health, and after i just submitted an application for disability apparently without putting what i actually have in it and instead rambling about a bunch of misinformation.  every therapist, counselor, and psychologist hits me with this bullshit if i talk for more than a few sentences about what i think what i'm feeling might be, from social work hacks hired as therapists in the field of recovery to intensive psychiatrists on psych wards.  i'm so tired of this whole hellish system, let alone my shitty brain and the psychic pain i'm perpetually in, or trying to navigate poverty despite it and vice versa.", "answer": "i'm sorry you have had such a bad experience. i'm not going to give it if you don't want it, but i would like to offer the perspective of a mental health professional who is anti diagnosis if you are interested.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7hp1um", "comment_id": "7hp1um"}, {"question": "to what degree does cannabis harm the adolescent brain? what hard evidence do we have to support the claims generally made?", "description": "if anyone with some degree of knowledge relating to this could link me some of the more rigorous studies or tell me more about this, i would greatly appreciate the effort.   male 30 5 foot 10 150lbs (putting that there so post doesnt get deleted)", "answer": "there are for obvious reasons no randomized, controlled trials. there are reviews, such as [effects of cannabis on the adolescent brain](WEBLINK), for example; some [small longitudinal studies](WEBLINK); and an ongoing large nih longitudinal study.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "jqhcuj", "comment_id": "jqhcuj"}, {"question": "will doctors prescribe me narcotics if my dad and grandma suffered from alcoholism?", "description": "so i have serious anxiety & panic episodes and really want benzos but i think my gp is holding back because my dad abused alcohol and so did his mother. does this actually happen?", "answer": "i would avoid getting psych prescriptions from a gp. instead, it would be wiser and healthier for you to see a psychiatrist if at all possible. they have training in those types of medications and are much more qualified to prescribe appropriate medications.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "1f66n5", "comment_id": "1f66n5"}, {"question": "people hating on therapists", "description": "i\u2019m applying to grad school at the moment to become a therapist. i\u2019ve had nothing but good experiences with my therapist i used to go to. but since getting on reddit i see a lot of negativity towards therapists. i get that there\u2019s bad people in every profession, but i feel like i see a lot of hate for therapists, particularly on this sub.  it\u2019s making me really scared to become a therapist if people really seem to hate them. i genuinely want to help people because i know what it feels like and i hope to one day help my patients, but all the negativity i see about therapists has me feeling really sad/pessimistic about it.", "answer": "people turn to the internet to complain about the people in their lives because they ran everyone away with their toxic personality traits and don\"t have anyone else to talk to!! it had to be said. lol ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7bssl", "comment_id": "a7bssl"}, {"question": "is this a normal feeling?", "description": "so, ive been lurking around this subreddit for a while and trying to figure out how i could put what i was feeling into words. so, i have a pretty good life. i have asian parents so the topic of therapy is very foreigh to them. and thats why i decided to give this subreddit a try . i have great parents, loving sister, im currently in medical school which is my dream job . i dont really have much to complain about. but even then i\u00f1i dont kniw why, but im never happy. every night before falling asleep my mind always starts thinking about how good it would feel if i died right now. like i would have these sudden thoughts about just ending it and i dont even know what triggers them. its like im guilty of feeling happy. like i dont deserve to be happy. and i always wanted to live a short life. i want to live a short but happy life. this was because i couldnt imagine a world without my parents. i dont want to outlive them. is this normal?.", "answer": "i don't really believe there's any such thing as normal.  i believe everyone's crazy.  it's just a matter of what way and how much.    research shows that about 50% of all adults have thought about suicide at least once in their lives.  my guess is that it's much higher but many would be afraid/ashamed to disclose even anonymously.     the more important to ask yourself is:  are these thoughts so distressing to you that they're impairing your life somehow?  if so, i'd suggest talking to a therapist to figure out what's going on.  if you're old enough to be in med school, you're old enough to go to a therapist without your parents or anyone else ever finding out if you don't want them to.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds19cr", "comment_id": "ds19cr"}, {"question": "how do i know if i need antidepressants?", "description": "i dont know much about mental health in the first place but people around me think i'm depressed and i think so as well but when ever i think hard about it i just deny it and move on. how do i know if i'm depressed is the overall question?", "answer": "well depression doesnt mean you need antidepressants. you might do better with talking therapies like cbt.  anyway only you and whoever assesses you would know. if you think you have problems, go see someone.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f9d4tv", "comment_id": "f9d4tv"}, {"question": "dysthymia vs major?", "description": "this past saturday i had an appointment with a psychologist. it was the first time seeing one in many years and it was most to talk about my mom and how to deal with her issues. however, she asked me if i had ever heard of dysthymia and i told her no. i later found out it\u2019s just another word for chronic depression. she asked what i had been diagnosed with before and everyone had always told me \u201cmajor depression.\u201d  i understand that major is more severe and acute while chronic is more mild but long term. is it possible to be both major and chronic?  i truly don\u2019t feel like i\u2019ve ever been better but i have months where things are better than other months. anyone know how to tell a difference?", "answer": "i'm really boiling this down and simplifying, so any other professionals, please excuse the over-simplification, but essentially, major depressive disorder would constitute a period of depression with many very severe symptoms, often having a disastrous effect on your ability to work, maintain social relationships, take care of your activities of daily living, etc.    dysthymia is a chronic low level of depression, where in most cases, the person can still function, but their functioning is impaired due to the constant but less severe depressive symptoms (low energy, inability to feel joy, irritability, etc.)  generally though their are a lot of similarities in the way they present, in my opinion, i believe they occur due to fairly different circumstances/reasons.    let me know if this isn't clear or you have any follow up questions.  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80erfe", "comment_id": "80erfe"}, {"question": "scared i've damaged my kidneys. please look at my blood work. kidney doc appointment next week.", "description": "WEBLINK  caucasian male, 25. history of steroid abuse, htn (controlled with telmisartan for the most part but for a long time it was uncontrolled). medications- clonokpin 0.5 mg prn for anxiety, modafinil for sleep apnea (which is treated with cpap), past finasteride use at 18-19 which caused persistent sexual side effects. i'm 220 lbs, in fit shape. go to gym regularly 5-6 days a week lifting weights and cardio here and there a few times a week on the stationary bike or swimming laps. please see blood work. concerned about blood/protein in urine. apparently, according to my mom i have always had a micro amount of blood in my urine since i was in middle school or highs school and the urologist wrote it off as benign and nothing to worry about. couldn't give a reason for it though. never saw a nephrologist for work up or testing. i'm only taking modafinil prn as needed now along with cardizem and prn klonopin but during blood work i was on a moderate-large dose of testosterone proprionate. no other harmful substances. how can my egfr, creatinine, bun seem okay/good to me but i'm still leaking protein/blood in urine? i've also noticed what i believe to be +1 pitting edem in my lower legs. after a long day of wearing long socks, i have a pretty significant indent after taking them off. when i press my thumb super hard into the side of my leg it leaves an indent for at least 10 seconds. it's worse when i press right above the cutoff line of my sock as that is where all the fluid seems to build up from the compression of the socks. socks are loose fitting though. could edema be a sign of kidney disease? ", "answer": "edema could be a sign of kidney disease, but it's very common to have marks from socks at the end of the day, and that's not necessarily pathological.  there are worrying causes of blood in urine, but there are also some that are not concerning, including the rather descriptively-named \"benign familial hematuria\" syndrome. it's worth seeing a doctor about it.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8d5hyu", "comment_id": "8d5hyu"}, {"question": "why do i hate hipster women?", "description": "when i see loud, hipster women, i just hate them. watching some white, hipster, tattooed women at the protests, just screams insincerity to me? are they doing it for clout, 'look at me' reasons.   i hate people that aren't authentic and feel like they need to project their bolshy personalities onto you.   why am i like this, and how can i not be?  25 y/o male.", "answer": "you have the right to your own preferences. everyone has turn-offs, no biggie.  that being said, if an entire vaguely defined group of women triggers high intensity for you , you may want to explore what is really going on.  you mentioned authenticity,  fake \"look at me.\" how does another's fakeness impact you ?  it almost seems like you are giving more attention by having a strong reaction.  figuring out feelings and beliefs takes a lot of work  and i don't think anyone can fix it through reddit. it might help to ask yourself what emotion comes up for you (not anger , what feeling causes the anger? people are angry because they feel something else). also,  to ask yourself what need you are meeting by hating these women.  what does it do for you that can't be done by simply moving on?   i think it is great that you recognize there is something going on that needs to be addressed.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gtuwt4", "comment_id": "gtuwt4"}, {"question": "i\u2019m an alcoholic, i need advice", "description": "i\u2019m a 20 year old male, 5\u20197, 70kg, asthmatic, occasional smoker and binge drinker.  i have been drinking alcohol regularly, for about a year now, before that i would smoke weed daily, and only drink occasionally. since i quit weed one year ago, i started drinking more alcohol. i drink almost every day but i always make sure to take one day off of drinking every week, sometimes 2. sometimes i even take a whole week off of drinking but this is rare, it\u2019s only happened like 2/3 times in the past year. when i do drink, i binge quite a lot, i would have about 2-4 pints of beers plus about half a bottle of 70cl whisky, maybe a little less. more or less around 30 units of alcohol on the night that i drink. i\u2019m trying to cut down/quit and i\u2019m wondering if i should cut down to every other day, then every 2 days then every 3, etc or just stop all together, because i\u2019ve heard that alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous so i want to minimise the withdrawal effects. so far, on the days that i don\u2019t drink, the only effects i get are tremors and anxiety mainly, sometimes some spaciness. what should i do? any advice? have i been drinking for long enough to experience severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms or would i need to be drinking for years and years?", "answer": "drinking that much for that long can lead to withdrawal\u2014which you know, because that\u2019s the shakiness. it\u2019s rare for it to be dangerous, but it\u2019s still something worth discussing with a doctor as you cut down and stop.  it\u2019s also worth talking because there are therapies and medications that can help you stop drinking if you need help.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "kcyzw6", "comment_id": "kcyzw6"}, {"question": "the adhd tip that changed my life forever", "description": "(i apologize for any spelling mistakes i make in advance, i\u2019m a fast typer and i may forget to proofread) i believe that everyone one with on here should do this, whether your diagnosed, self diagnosed, or just suspect you have it.   ok, before i start, let me just say i\u2019m far from a professional of any sorts. being completely honest, i\u2019m literally a 14 year old.   i was diagnosed 5 years ago and started on medication immediately. at the time, all i knew was that this pill helps me focus in school, little did i know that it was so much more.  i\u2019m currently about to go to high school. my grades are less than that of elementary school, but that\u2019s not too important. what i learned in the past year is something that i wish i had years back.  this is what i want to share. many doctors or psychiatrists who diagnose adhd often times only know the basics. so they tell you what they know. i would say at least 80% of people with adhd don\u2019t know a lot about their own mental disorder.  do. your. own. research.  if you haven\u2019t already don\u2019t this, i 100% suggest it. i\u2019ve learned more about adhd doing my own research than any professional has ever taught me (not that professionals aren\u2019t reliable, but most of them don\u2019t study in adhd)  here are some things that you should start researching on  executive dysfunction  rejection sensitive dysphoria  stimulation  i would explain them, but i feel that it would be very lengthy and kind of complicated. these things have given me a name and explanation for things that i didn't even know had to do with adhd.   i hope this can help you like it helped me.   edit: other additions from the comments  emotional dysregulation   paralysis of will   highly sensitive person  sensory proccessing sensitivity", "answer": "agreed! knowing about rejection sensitive dysphoria really helped me too!    one thing to also add is \u201cparalysis of will\u201d which explains why it\u2019s hard to start something (hint: it\u2019s not because you are lazy!)", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "967v9q", "comment_id": "967v9q"}, {"question": "taking high dose of vitamin d but no change to my mood", "description": "hi all,  i recently had blood test done and nothing came up apart from a very low vitamin d count so i was prescribed densin 4000 iu tablets and was advised i will probably be on them for about a year. i have been on them now for about a month already but i haven\u2019t noticed a change in my mood i thought that it would elevate my depression (i know it\u2019s not going to cure it but i did think that it was going to make me feel a bit better mentally) but alas no change. i know that it\u2019s a tool used to help anxiety/depression but my question is why is it not working on me? p.s i\u2019m a 26f and i\u2019m 5\u201d10 and 290 pounds. i possibly have adhd as well i\u2019m waiting for a diagnosis.", "answer": "low vitamin d can produce nonspecific symptoms including potentially depression. most depression isn\u2019t due to vitamin d and there\u2019s not clear evidence that raising vitamin d reliably improves mood.  mostly depression and anxiety should be treated as depression and anxiety.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "khkdrj", "comment_id": "khkdrj"}, {"question": "terrified of seizure", "description": "38f, 115lbs, 5\u20197. i abused alcohol for years before finally getting help. part of that help was librium. i used it to detox then stopped, but developed pretty bad anxiety. my gp put me back on it at 5mg 3x a day. it didn\u2019t help much and i didn\u2019t like the way it made me feel so i decided to come off. i was told this was fine. i cut down to two pills for a few days, then to one for the last 5. all in all i was on it for 6 weeks. it\u2019s been 85 hrs since my last dose. i\u2019m just so scared that because my brain had no healing time between the alcohol and benzo that i\u2019m setting myself up for a seizure, just like i could have had cold turkey from alcohol, but maybe even worse now. please help.", "answer": "going straight from alcohol to a benzo taper is standard management to prevent seizures. librium itself has such a long half-life that it does a decent job self-tapering. you're probably going to be fine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e11xcc", "comment_id": "e11xcc"}, {"question": "how to stay motivated? and how to keep yourself interested in something?", "description": "one thing people don't talk a lot about when we mention depression is about how boring depression is. it's sucked away joy from things i used to love so much. video games, movies, writing, shows, nothing is fun anymore.   how to get out of this rut? i want to be a writer but i can't get myself to read or write. how do you cope with losing your hobbies? ", "answer": "i\u2019m stuck there myself and it\u2019s awful.  i just try to force myself to do things, whether i like them or not.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9nuwfm", "comment_id": "9nuwfm"}, {"question": "involuntary care", "description": "if i tell a doctor or shrink or whatever about a recent suicide attempt do they have to right to commit me involuntarily? i should probably add i'm in ontario canada", "answer": "it depends on if they believe you\u2019re still a threat to yourself. if you\u2019re planning to attempt again and have the means with which to do it, most likely they might do this to keep you safe. if your recent attempt was not completed because you changed your mind and are wanting help to work through this and keep yourself safe i would think they might not put you on a hold. again depends if you are planning to try again. i\u2019m glad you\u2019re ok and i\u2019m sorry things got to that point for you. please know you do have value and there are people who care about you. <3", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epszia", "comment_id": "epszia"}, {"question": "is our history together what's keeping us together? me[32/m], her [36/f]", "description": "my partner and i have been together for about 10 years, married for 8. we went to university together, have traveled around the world together, moved to a different country together, and now we live apart for over a year. for a long time i haven't been compassionate the way they wanted.  for a long time our sex life hasn't been what i wanted. i moved to a different country last year for work and now we live on different continents. that hasn't helped even though my new job allows me to work remotely some of the time.  i made a pros and cons list:  pros:  * they can be very understanding * we have a lot of friends together * we have a history * we have similar interests * they make more money than me and that really helps  cons:  * they are cold and distant * most of our problems seem to be my fault, maybe we aren't compatible * the lack of sex even when we are together is killing me and i'm not entirely sure it will ever come back *  i don't think they love me anymore. they don't say it anymore. they don't really say they miss me anymore.  we have these wonderful memories together, but also horrible ones. i don't want to lose my partner but i don't know what's left to keep.   i've tried to talk about this with my partner a lot but sometimes i feel like that isn't really productive. is it me? do i lack patience?  now i have the opportunity to move back but i'm afraid that if i do, i will just accelerate the end of what's left and then i will have nothing. i'm afraid that if we separate than they will be hurt so much by it that it will affect their career.   i try to sit and think about what my partner thinks. what its like to be in their shoes in this situation. but it's difficult. i feel like sometimes i don't really know my partner.", "answer": "very hard to work things out long distance. keep talking, processing. maybe even a 3 way skype with a counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdgu", "comment_id": "5ssdgu"}, {"question": "how to utilize bpd symptoms in a beneficial way.", "description": "how might some of you utilize having bpd? perhaps it's a career choice, or choices you make in your life.", "answer": "many people with \"bpd\" are empaths and able to accurately recognize and predict emotional disruption. it's like having a metal detector for emotionality. this is amazing when working with kids who may not be verbal or who maybe can't really communicate their feelings. i'd trust an empath to screen kids got child abuse or for bullying.   just one area i love about people who have emotional \"disregulation\" ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "8aebcb", "comment_id": "8aebcb"}, {"question": "lexapro/ssri withdrawal question", "description": "hey everyone! i recently stopped taking lexapro after taking it for about 3.5-4 months. before that, i was taking prozac for about 6 months.  before this period of antidepressants, i was on a cocktail of daily klonopin, celexa, and a few others...  my point is, i have been through the withdrawal process a few times, and unfortunately am aware of all the withdrawal affects of the drugs.  most recently, when i stopped taking the lexapro, i experienced new symptoms and was just wondering if anyone has some insight or anyone has experience similar issues. the main issue is i am about 2 or 3 days late for my period. i couldn't find much information browsing around, but is this a common symptom associated with withdrawal? i have also been experiencing some gi issues (upset stomach, etc...)  nothing else in my life (diet or exercise habits, stress, etc) has changed except for stopping lexapro and all ssris/antidepressants, so i guess i was just wondering if these were common symptoms?  thank you all!", "answer": "never heard of that one before though it's not impossible.  maybe try taking a pregnancy test just to be sure?  well.... 2-3 days not the craziest, but definitely if a few more days go by.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6xjdiq", "comment_id": "6xjdiq"}, {"question": "are flu shots necessary?", "description": "i\u2019ve worked with young children for years and never get sick beyond colds/sore throats. i never get the flu shot because clearly it doesn\u2019t seem i need it. also i\u2019ve been told it\u2019s a shot in the dark (pun intended) because there are multiple strains of flu and we can\u2019t predict which strain will be most prevalent that year, so the shot might not even protect against the right one. however, most people seem to be getting flu shots and saying it\u2019s important. what do you think? ", "answer": "not shots are truly necessary. humans lived for thousands of years without any vaccines. many also died of diseases that are now preventable.  it's a calculation. the flu vaccine is less effective than some other vaccines. the flu is more common and easily transmitted than some other infectious diseases for which we routinely get vaccinated. flu probably won't kill you, but it might; it's definitely miserable. and if you get it, you increase the likelihood that someone else will get it from you.  there's not a definite answer, but i think the risk-benefit is pretty clear. there's almost no downside to getting the vaccine, and there's a significant reduction in risk of catching the flu even if you're not fully protected. why not?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9tz1pa", "comment_id": "9tz1pa"}, {"question": "what am i to do if i am a pedophile?", "description": "please check my post history for more info. no this is not some sick joke.  i'm only 16 but i need a therapist. what am i supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? if i open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? i have never looked at or done anything illegal and i never will, but i don't think that stops me from being reported. please help", "answer": "aasect is the organization for sex therapists. you can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this.  if you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. if you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. if you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fgujm1"}, {"question": "borderline and narcissist: relationships", "description": "has anyone (diagnosed bpd) ever dated someone with narcissistic personality disorder? what was your experience? not sure i'm completely ready to share my story. but anything you'd like to share on this subject, i'd be happy to listen!", "answer": "i think my ex has narcissistic tendencies, though she claims her father is the straight narcissist. idk her dad but he probably is. i do know she has no concept of her contribution to our relationship downfall. she didn't take any responsibility for her physical abuse towards me. all of our problems were \"my fault\". does that count? ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "al1c25", "comment_id": "al1c25"}, {"question": "i can't stop imagining dying a horribly violent death and it gets more and more vivid. is there any way to get relief from this?", "description": "hi.  i saw the top post and just want to add that i do see a therapist weekly.  i will bring this up when i next go but in the meantime its another night of no sleep.  i have been afraid of death for a little while but sort of got over it,in the sense that i am trying to embrace living and overall feel better than i have in my life because i have been sober for quite a while.  maybe related to sobriety i also just cannot stop imagining dying a violent death and it feels imminent.  when i am in an elevator i wait for it to start crashing down, standing at a window on a high floor i imagine myself falling.  i have to say that it goes further than \"imagining\" because i feel the sensation of falling , my heart rate shoots up and my mouth gets dry.  it is getting more and more frequent, consuming my thoughts against my will.  i do not want to engage in this sort of morbid thinking but i don't know how to control it.  i have been a victim of violence and many of my friend have died even though i am in mid-thirties but the last five years or so of my life have been undoubtedly better than the previous 25 so i am at a loss to understand.  as i mentioned i took note of the top post and will bring this up with my therapist but would really appreciate it if anyone had any input on this/has experienced anything like it or had patients who did.  it is so exhausting and i'm wondering if there is hope for me to deal with it since it feels so out of my control.  thank you", "answer": "flash forward emdr is done where i live to treat this sort of problem.  edit: unless this is more of a panic attack situation in which case i would recommend co2 exposure therapy.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bupzhh", "comment_id": "bupzhh"}, {"question": "emailing my husband's therapist", "description": "so, i've been having problems in my marriage. my therapist suggested talking to his therapist (t) in order to make sure t understood what was going on. i guess i should add there's been some sexual abuse in my marriage.  i wrote the letter, and told t i understood he would share it with my husband. what i was not expecting was for him to cc my husband in his reply asking me to share with t, if i'm comfortable, what behaviors and communications i will welcome from my husband. it's like--i thought we were going to talk for a minute, just us, and then you can talk to my husband. i'm not at all comfortable, really.  and, reading his reply, it was like a paragraph. i made myself sick writing this, and he's like, \"thanks for sharing. can you do some more emotional labor now?\" a simple thanks and a little sympathy would have been better.  is this normal? am i just being sensitive?", "answer": "is it normal for your therapist to encourage you to speak to your husband's therapist about y'all's marriage problems?   not really  and thus none of the other following stuff is normal either.    i'd say ideally you see a marriage/couple therapist and get appropriate paperwork (releasees of information) signed so that your therapists can speak with one another.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f3s2xg", "comment_id": "f3s2xg"}, {"question": "making sense of blood test results", "description": "hi all, and thanks in advance for your help.  i have been having general low mood, low libido, fatigue and a slowing of fat loss and muscle gain (despite progression in weight volumes) and have seen my local gp, who sent me for a range of tests, including hormone checks.  for context i am a 42 yo australian (caucasian) male, 188cm, 118kg (down from 165kg 11 months ago) with slowed muscle growth, low mood and low libido. i exercise 5-6 days a week (weights & cardio) and eat a balanced essentially fresh diet and am on no medication.  i've just got blood test results back and i am struggling to make sense of the figures and my doc's persistence that everything is 'normal'.  all other tests (glucose, cholesterol, liver function, general bloods etc came back fine). i am interested in my hormone levels and they lab results for these (with reference ranges in brackets) are:  * fsh: 6.2 u / l (1.5-12.4) * testosterone: 10.6 nmol / l (10.0-28.) * calculated free testosterone: 213 pmol / l (170-670) * shbg: 30 nmol / l (17-56) * prolactin: 118 miu / l (85-500)  the tests were performed using roche modular immunoassay if that helps.  according to the reference ranges on the test results my fsh is mid range, testosterone just above the lowest limit, calculated free test, lower end of the range, shbg mid range, and prolactin at the lower end of the range.  not unlike others with low testosterone symptoms, but within 'normal' ranges, my doc has said that all of these are within range and has suggested diet and exercise may help (not sure how i can improve this realistically) and offered viagra for the low libido (i'm not looking for an instant erection, i'm looking for a boost to my overall mood & libido).  i will go to another doc to see if i can get a better explanation and assistance, but am asking the combined wisdom of this sub if the levels above are reasonably normal, or if there is room for improvement?  thanks very much!", "answer": "low mood can also be caused by psychological/psychiatrical conditions. you seem very focussed on a physical explanation for your complaints. if you are abled to keep increasing weights in the gym, then you are getting stronger, which for me indicates there is no problem on the physical side of things. growing of muscles often comes later and slower than increase in strenght (because of improvement of neurological and architectural muscle function first). also there is genetic variation and then there is the factor age.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "baenlm", "comment_id": "baenlm"}, {"question": "i told my mom about a girl i liked in my dorm. she proceeded to send flowers to that girl from me. what the hell do i do? update", "description": "so i thought everyone would like a long term update about me and the girl my mom sent flowers to.   basically we kept hanging out and talking for the next week, and i kept building my network of wingwomen and men. three nights ago i was with her in the floor lounge talking, and when she walked out another friend told me she obviously liked me and i should ask her out the next day. unfortunately i was going home for the weekend that day, so that didn't work. however, yesterday i finally worked up the courage to call her and ask her out.  she said yes. we're going to get dinner next friday, and she wanted me to let her know when i got back to school. i proceeded to run around my street and knocked a water bottle off my table and had to clean it up :(  to everyone who helped me out in the first thread: thank you so much, you helped me so much. things have turned out well, and i'm so happy. ", "answer": "now you will never know if you would have been able to pull it off on your own. in a way, your mom robbed you of the experience of overcoming your own fear and so asserted her dominance over you, perhaps permanently.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2gwrw9", "comment_id": "2gwrw9"}, {"question": "how much is an allnighter going to compromise my immune system?", "description": "15m, 135lbs. just what the title asks.", "answer": "hard to quantify. can you give some context?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fvz0nj", "comment_id": "fvz0nj"}, {"question": "are we a \"minority?\"", "description": "in filling out applications, i often check \"other\" under the whole race/ethnicity category, but recently i got to thinking.  could aspies be considered an \"underrepresented minority,\" just not in terms of race? there are special considerations made for religious minorities (having kosher food available for jews, removing religious iconography for atheists) or even lifestyle/gender/sexuality minorities (having vegetarian options at restaurants, having a transgendered restroom available), so could we be considered a minority as well? maybe sort of a... neurological minority? mental minority?   just some food for thought. discuss!", "answer": "yes, we are a minority and discrimination against us would be considered ablism.  for example, i am applying for graduate programs, and i am afraid that i may be denied based on my asperger's.  but not disclosing would also be a dilemma.  mental differences carry a stigma in our society, which causes undue difficulties in addition to those caused directly be our differences. about 1 in 5 americans has some form of disability.  for most of us, our disability is not visible to the naked eye (like asperger's).  i am rambling now...   tl;dr: yes.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14gc5e", "comment_id": "14gc5e"}, {"question": "how to socialize better?", "description": "what are some ways i can communicate better in a conversation? i find myself thinking a lot about anything and everything, but i can never seem to form my thoughts properly while speaking in a conversation. it usually happens with girls and/or people i don't know too well, my mind just goes blank and i pretty much turn into a shrugging machine. :p   when i do form something to talk about however, i find that i end up saying whatever i wanted to say in a different, more unstructured way, and i find that my point does not get across as well as it should have, and i sometimes get called an idiot by people who don't know me too well. people that i'm friends with however, do appreciate what i bring to the table in a conversation, so i might be perceiving this part of the problem to be a lot worse than it actually is. :p   any suggestions or advice on how i can improve the way i talk and express my thoughts?", "answer": "well, i wrote a [guide to conversation](WEBLINK) that might help you out :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "u6inl", "comment_id": "u6inl"}, {"question": "what happened to psychs who do therapy?", "description": "i started seeing a psychiatrist a couple of years back, at a major university, and none of the doctors do any sort of therapy. you go in, tell them your symptoms, and they prescribe you all sorts of things that may make you better, may make you worse. they have zero interest in communicating with any therapists, or even ask how therapy is going, just prescribe, prescribe, prescribe. of the 20 to 30 medications they've had me try, 4 work, and so many of the others caused symptoms that made me feel worse than i ever have. ironically, the ones that work are all ones i pushed for (their recommendation against these) after researching most successful meds online. they won't give me a prescription for the klonopin i was on for 9 years (had been prescribed by gp until retirement) that actually worked 'because it's dangerous'. they've had me try meds so dangerous that my brain felt like it was shrinking into itself and i've blacked out repeatedly, had symptoms of severe suicidal ideation, and physical symptoms so bad i couldn't move, yet klonopin (which worked with no symptoms) is the \"dangerous\" one. i have meds to control the symptoms of the meds that control the symptoms of others...  i'm furious with them for their complete disregard for my quality of life. it's all about how many expensive meds they can get me hooked on. i wish i could find a psych that had more of a full treatment plan, like might be interested in doing therapy and prescribing. how can psychs possibly know what symptoms need medicating if they have no idea what therapy is working on? i know i need meds so going off all isn't an option (lamictal was life-changing), but i hate all the psychs i've tried and no other type of doctor will prescribe what i need. how do i find a decent doctor?", "answer": "they are out there, but they often are expensive and don\u2019t accept insurance. i\u2019ve had one amazing psychiatrist who did 45 minutes with me once a week because i needed it, even though the original plan was to go down to once a month once i was stable (we never changed my meds, i just liked her therapy style in conjunction with my psychologist).  but she cost $400 and i couldn\u2019t afford it once i moved out (i moved home for s year after my dad died and had an internship that didn\u2019t pay), not to mention i switched states. mine now i trust him as a prescriber but we chat about both our lives for 15 minutes every month. i\u2019d suggest finding s psychologist too.   as a future psychologist in a phd program, this is one of the main reason we\u2019re fighting for prescription privileges ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7npegg", "comment_id": "7npegg"}, {"question": "typical vs atypical antipsychotics", "description": "hello!     not sure if this is the right subreddit, but here goes anyway.   i'm brushing up on random medical stuff, and i came across antipsychotic medicines. as far as i understand, there are two important groups, namely typical, or conventional antipsychotics, and atypical antipsychotics.    everything i read makes the atypical group seem preferable to the typical group, barring allergic reactions and the like.     so my question is, for what reason are typical antipsychotics used?", "answer": "i have worked in high acuity inpatient settings with spmi. i am a licensed clinical psychologist and do not prescribe.   when a second generation/ atypical is not working,  that is a time when first generation/typical is often prescribed. typical antipsychotics just work better for positive symptoms.    also , first gen are less expensive.  in some settings , like jails , you may see them more .  like you mentioned,  second gen are safer . nobody wants tardive dyskinesia (i have seen it , it is awful). however , in high acuity situations,  they may be preferable.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fedntx", "comment_id": "fedntx"}, {"question": "i [30m] have major depressive disorder (mdd) and adhd. the treatments i tried for mdd have failed and the data don't seem to support their efficacy. i'm looking for modalities that are scientifically efficacious and supported by data.", "description": "**tl;dr**\u2014i have mdd and adhd, treatments for mdd haven\u2019t worked. i decided to look at the scientific data. the data don\u2019t support common dogmas in psychiatry or efficacy of treatment. i\u2019m frustrated and want to get better, what am i missing? sorry, this post is long.  **pe/labs:** 30m, caucasian/hispanic, 180cm (71\u201d), 83.9kg (185lb), bp 115/77, hr 73, rr 15, afebrile, euthyroid, cbc/cmp/renal/hepatic/neuro normal, urinalysis normal, sti/std negative  **dx:** mdd, adhd  **hpc:** refractory major depressive disorder for 2.5 years, suicidal ideation, inability to function in day-to-day routine, loss of hope/motivation/anhedonia, dropped school, can't get out of bed, difficulties managing household tasks  **pmi:** dysthmyia since age 8 or 9, adhd-i diagnosed at 28, no head injuries or tbi, military service right chronic mild cva pain, previous appendectomy, right inguinal hernia repair, tonsillectomy, military service posterior labral tear right shoulder\u2014mild chronic pain. hospitalization 2 years ago for suicidal ideation, 8 weeks iop. no hx cvd  **fh:** maternal uncle\u2014late onset bipolar at 55 suicide by firearm; maternal cousin 19 adhd/aneurysm age 7; half-sister 23 adhd/depression/defiance; half-brother 20 autoimmune disease/depression; mother 51 adhd/depression/sle. paternal status unknown\u2014possible sud cocaine/other. no fhx thyroid, cvd, renal, hepatic, dm, pituitary/hpa.  **substance use:** cannabis oral 10mg 2x week to sleep, no smoking, alcohol 2x month 1-3 drinks, no other usage  **current meds**: 225mg venlafaxine xr daily, 30mg dexamphetamine xr daily, 600mg lithium carbonate daily, 200mg caffeine daily, occasional 600mg ibuprofen x2 month for back/shoulder, otc multivitamin daily  **lifestyle:** not currently exercising, isolation, diet of fastfood/pizza/icecream, eats once or twice per day, little to no social interaction, sexually active w/contraception  ​  hey there folks, i\u2019ve been a long-time lurker on various depression and mental health subs. i posted this on other subs but received no feedback so i\u2019m trying it here.  **central thesis:** over the past several months, i have become increasingly frustrated with what feels like a lifetime of ineffective interventions and decided to dig into the academic literature.  **entire life story and memoir (boring):** i started noticing that i was \u201cdifferent\u201d around the age of 8 or 9. i turned 30 this year and was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder and inattentive adhd. i\u2019ve tried various pharmacological and psychotherapeutic treatment modalities since the age of 10 without success. two years ago, i began a phd program in genetics and a master\u2019s which allowed me to attend preclinical medical school. a few months into my phd a family member and fatherly figure in my life committed suicide. shortly thereafter, another family member passed and i found out my wife was engaging in multiple extramarital sexual affairs resulting in the dissolution of my marriage. since then, i\u2019ve gone through a gauntlet of hospitalizations, medical leave of absences, dropped classes, no progress in my schooling, suicidal ideations, iop, and a litany of therapeutics. i will soon be trialing rapid bilateral transcranial magnetic stimulation (rtms) and if that doesn\u2019t work\u2014electroconvulsive therapy (ect).  **why i'm slightly more qualified to look at data than a monkey (boring):** my educational background is in biology/chemistry with research in cancer, epidemiology, microbiology, psychiatric genetics, and some bioinformatic methods. i\u2019m currently a 3rd year phd student in genetics with two years of medical school and one year of phd studies. i\u2019m not trying to shit in anyone\u2019s oatmeal\u2014so if medications work for you, that is wonderful and i am incredibly envious. if antidepressant medications have not worked for you, maybe you can take some solace in the fact that the scientific data do not seem support their efficacy. this means that you\u2019re not crazy or broken and that there are many others like you to commiserate with. i\u2019m going to be brief with my findings since this is already a long post although i\u2019m happy to elaborate if there are questions.  **arguments and data:**  1. *there is little evidence that depression is caused by deficiencies in the monoamines serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.* analyzing cerebrospinal fluid for monoamine metabolites in depressed patients prior to treatment with antidepressants reveals no differences in comparison to euthymic controls. monoamine receptor density seems to have mixed results, but post-mortem analysis shows no differences versus controls. 2. *a large meta-analysis aggregating efficacy data on 21 \\[i\u2019ve tried 8 of these\\] antidepressants show statistically significant differences over placebo in randomized double-blind trials. however, while the odds ratios and p-values look great, the average effect size is 0.30 (95% credible interval 0.26\u20130.34).* empirically derived ham-d threshold scores suggest at least effect sizes of 0.875 or down 7 points to be even minimally clinically detectable by a clinician on cgi-i (corresponding to a rating of \u201cminimal improvement\u201d). this means that while statistical differences are detected, they don\u2019t seem to translate into clinically meaningful results for the patient. this also doesn\u2019t necessarily account for the phenomenology of the patient\u2014which is ultimately the goal of treatment. 3. *depression prognosis\u2014especially mdd\u2014is poor even with treatment. in a 6-year follow up study of 903 patients with mdd, only 17% were in a recovery phase.* most data suggest acute symptom relief with pharmacological treatment but that depression over long periods of treatment gets worse. this is thought to be mediated by tachyphylaxis of monoamine receptors in response to antidepressants like ssris. the data also suggest relapse, recurrence, chronicity, and severity increase with medication usage.  **thoughts and conclusions (boring):** i was surprised with these findings because it seems almost opposite of what i\u2019m told by my pdocs and therapists over the years. while the data are depressing, it was gratifying to see that my personal experiences parallel the data. i\u2019m currently looking at the psychotherapeutics i\u2019ve tried as well. cbt, dbt, art therapy, talk therapy, group therapy, yoga, and meditation/mindfulness. it looks like meditation/mindfulness and exercise have the largest effect sizes with ect being the most efficacious of all treatments i\u2019ve looked at. tms is on par with medication. i\u2019m also considering ketamine and psychedelics.  **looking for help:** anyways, i\u2019m trying to put together a psychosocial framework for my depression as i\u2019m very skeptical of the treatments i have tried. *am i missing something here? do the treatment modalities for mdd just suck? what works for you/your patient?*", "answer": "depression is not a monoamine deficiency, but it seems to improve with medications that modulate monoamines. there's no good mechanistic explanation, just empirical data.  the cipriani study you're citing has produced excessive coverage. i think you're confusing different effect size scorings, though\u2014a size of 0.2 is small, 0.5 is medium, and 0.8 is large. i don't know where you got 0.875 from, but that would be a huge effect. one wrinkle is that the responses are evaluated against placebo, and placebos produce large effects in depression research. the problem isn't that treatments don't work, largely, but that sham treatment also works much of the time, so it's not whatever antidepressants do that has most of the effect, just a small amount of effect.  responses are also very heterogeneous. it's not that prozac helps people only a tiny bit, it's probably that prozac helps a some people a lot, some people a little, and some people not at all. figuring out who benefits from what is a billion-dollar question in psychiatry that hasn't been satisfactorily answered.  finally, the rct evidence for long-term use of antidepressants is scant because nobody funds long-term rcts, but the observational data shows that relapse rates are lower with continued antidepressant use and there's a very recent, decently sized rct to back it up: [derubeis et al in jama psychiatry)](WEBLINK).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e9t6vw", "comment_id": "e9t6vw"}, {"question": "when did you realize your marriage was over? does it get easier?", "description": "met my husband less than 3 years ago, we've been married 2 years... so yes, we only dated for about 9 months before we got married. we are both in our late 20s.   does marriage get easier? past 2 years have been hard on me and i'm just not sure if this is what i want.   any advice would be appreciated. ", "answer": "see a marriage counselor before ending it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "673wqt", "comment_id": "673wqt"}, {"question": "part of me wants to stop, but i can't see it happening.", "description": "i am not a happy camper.  i'm 16, don't automatically dismiss what i'm saying because of it please. it may be worth noting that i have asperger's, clinical depression, and social anxiety disorder. none of those are self-diagnosed. i started doing drugs about a year and a half ago. august or september of 2012.  in the summer of 2012 i changed my religious beliefs. i was once in a christian religion that prohibited the use of recreational drugs, and i never questioned *why* they did. but that summer i became agnostic, and one day shortly thereafter i discovered /r/drugs. i started reading the ama's and shit and i realized \"i don't have to follow my religion's rules anymore, i can actually experiment with these substances\".  but i live in a suburb in georgia right outside of metro atlanta. ain't no drugs here. everybody at my school smokes weed, and there's mdma all over the place (but i can't try it because zoloft), i've heard there's a fair amount of lsd around here, but i've never been able to get a connect.  i found out that a drug my parents take for their restless legs syndrome (rls), gabapentin (neurontin), can be used recreationally. the recommended dose for their rls is 300mg, but i tried taking 1200mg and it was wonderful. that was my first drug experience.  then i tried valium. then my mom got a script for percocet after her surgery and she never used them, so i did. i just told her i sold them instead of telling her i got high off of them. this was around december '12/january '13. i was also still abusing the gabapentin occasionally then.  i eventually got to try some other stuff. fioricet didn't do anything but make me sleepy, but fioricet with codeine was excellent. promethazine wasn't all too good for much, but i enjoyed the heavily sedating feeling of it (and of the recommended doses of dph). i tried temazepam a few times, didn't really like it. one time i took 45 mg of temazepam, drunk a jack and coke, huffed some nail polish remover, went over to this house my sister was house sitting at. she showed me all of the homeowner's liquor. i did a shot of irish whiskey (hot like fiyah) and downed two miniature bottles of gin. i barely felt anything.  i eventually started abusing the gabapentin more regularly, three or four times a week, sometimes more rarely less. i tried meth. it was awesome, it was like i was king for a day. i had so much energy, i was so happy, i was so confident. my mouth was dry as fuck though. i actually did my work that day, and i never do my work at school. i felt so in control. came down on the school bus on the way home. it may have been the worst i have ever felt. strong nausea, very bad headache, mild somnolence, anger. i felt this gigantic desire to do more and experience that feeling again. it was kind of scary. that was on december 2, 2013 and i haven't touched the stuff since.  i also started smoking cigarettes, but quit about three months later. i started smoking marijuana fairly regularly, but i haven't smoked any in about a month now.  i started using dph, benadryl, for it's high-dose-dependent delirious qualities that i found rather desirable. i've been using it a lot ever since i first tried it. i love it. i'm on it right now, but i'm kind of coming down i guess you could say. i've come down enough to where i can actually read and type, and i'm not seeing any bugs, but i still have a little of the internal feeling dph gives me left. my dose is around 600mg. it makes me feel like i assume pcp makes people feel. staggering drunk, like i weigh a thousand pounds, i can't walk right. if i stare at a spot on the carpet too long it becomes a spider. i feel the dissociation that most people get from pcp or ketamine. i see colorless patterns on everything. inanimate objects look like their breathing. i can see all kinds of colors when i close my eyes. all text is blurry. (this is what the peak of the trip is like). it lasts the whole day long. i absolutely love it.  i can't imagine not getting high every other day. that's like...the main thing i look forward to in life. i would really like to make drugs a more occasional thing. but i don't know how to. part of me wants to stop, part of me wants to keep using, and i'm not sure which part is stronger. what can i do?  ps: yeah, i know, dph is *such* a high school drug. how cliche of me. but i really love the feeling it gives me, and it's way more accessible then dmt or heroin or all the other things i can't get my hands on. also, i'm no longer agnostic, just someone who believes in god and the bible.", "answer": "i got sober at 17 years old. it's possible. you don't have to come here and qualify yourself with every drug you've ever experienced. i guarantee you everyone here has done at least one of things you did once. the thing is that's not what counts here, what counts is the action you're taking to make a change.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "1xr9sz", "comment_id": "1xr9sz"}, {"question": "am i actually going crazy? help please! (anxiety, other issues??)", "description": "so for the past few days ive been suffering with something thats left me with a lot of brain fog/memory issues when hungry. i get dizzy, fatigued, and lethargic unless i eat, and even after eating the problem is still not 100% gone. it has actually been improving over the past few days but last night was bizzare. when i woke up i was subconsciously rubbing my stomach and then after my eyes had opened, i had my hand in a position like i would hold my phone above my face. please help, is this a form of sleepwalking or something? or am i facing severe anxiety because ive been freaking out about my health issues. also, everything feels weird right now, everything's like a daze and even though i can remember events etc. clearly i cant specifically point out things i did and when over the past few days. thanks.", "answer": "i don't know what's going on, but i note your daily posts about your health. whatever it is will only be reassured by getting a face to face consultation than from us on reddit.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4xpcb7", "comment_id": "4xpcb7"}, {"question": "an addict will think of everything else in their lives as a cause to their problems before they think what they're addicted to might be the root of it", "description": "i remember reading the title of this post one day and laughed thinking that it only applied to alcoholics etc. today i'm quitting, i applied this quote to my own life and realized the dependency i had on bud and how it was potentially effecting my life. with a relationship lost in part due to pot i'm deciding enough is enough. i've quit before, but never for more than half a year or so. this time i mean to leave it behind me for good, if not for anything else than it now bores me. when you're high it's hard to really focus on doing anything for an extended amount of time and when you're sober all you want is to get high.   it's a shame really because i think pot has genuine positive effects to it, however i realize that in and for whatever reason my brain chemistry is affected to the point of almost a non sequitur. meaning when pot is available to smoke, i'm gonna smoke it. i don't have the self control to take extended breaks or not use it when it's available so i need to leave it behind all or nothing. wish me luck.   sorry for the messiness this is my first post here. ", "answer": "the addict is most likely correct, the drugs are a symptom not the problem. self medicating is more the issue ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "63f34e", "comment_id": "63f34e"}, {"question": "how can i stop being such a failure in life? someone told me that i should go see my doctor since i might need to be get adhd treated... suggestions?", "description": "i know deep inside what i need to do. i never do it though. its recursive.  1/20 times i do something i actually plow through the work. (i'm talking about academics) now the challenge is to get myself to do things right those 19/20 times!  i went through a denial phase when i realized that i have to take a course again after getting a straight f in it. i was like \"maybe i should just switch out of ece.\"  i'm taking it again this semester and got my first test back. i got a mid b on it. i'm disappointed. i need an a in this class to offset that failure that i had last semester.  and its not like i got only a b while doing 100s of other productive things in life.  i just have my sorry ass at home wasting my time on the internet. its compulsive as fuck.  i recently quit video gaming. but i realized that the time i waste gaming is spent doing other stupid shit. like going online, having a super elaborate meal, etc.  and its not just being a bad test taker. its not like i'm working on some incredible personal projects either like some of my more successful peers have.  i've always failed in life. throughout middle school, high school, etc. i didn't even get into this school initially. i had to go to my backup school and transfer here which i even think i was a bit lucky.  i really don't know how i can fix my compulsive habit of wasting time.  people in some of my classes when i am in group study sessions always tell me in a non joking matter that i should really see a doctor since when i really do something and get my mind to it i do it well. but these situations are very rare for me. i keep walking around the room randomly and just don't focus.  please. i'm really tired of being a failure. i am unable to master a skill or do anything...", "answer": "honestly, not sure if its adhd. sounds more like demotivation and the fact that theres a million other pleasurable things you can do instead of your studies. still, if you're concerned, go see a doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vdx0k", "comment_id": "5vdx0k"}, {"question": "anyone else co-diagnosed with bpd and bipolar ii?", "description": "that's what i got after i was hospitalized in the psych ward for a suicide attempt. the symptoms seem so similar i'm not sure how the psychiatrist and therapist could tell them apart. the mood stabilizers for the bipolar seem to be helping, but apparently there's no drug approved for bpd specifically", "answer": "i think there is a misconception that bpd is a specific disorder like depression. since it is a collection or constellation of symptoms that appear to fit bpd more than other disorders it often is diagnosed along with other disorders that also fit that group of symptoms. we see depression, bipolar, bipolar ii, ptsd (itself a constellation disorder), and phobias as well as substance use disorders mixed in with bpd. it seems that 99% of people diagnosed with bpd have previously been diagnosed with at least one of these.   this, and other reasons are why bpd is really a disorder of impact more than symptoms and is often only diagnosed after treatment for these other symptoms have not worked out.   professionally i don't believe bpd is a correct diagnosis ever (born from my validating, radical feminist and neurological training) but rather a way to understand and predict a set of very natural reactions to very unnatural emotional situations often brought on by childhood trauma or emotional invalidation.   tl/dr : everyone with bpd could get a bipolar dx and many do. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "6m5ler", "comment_id": "6m5ler"}, {"question": "big book scaring me away from the program/has anyone achieved lasting sobriety thru smart recovery?", "description": "i've been going to aa meetings for 36 days now. i'm going to meetings every day, i got a sponsor, i'm sharing at meetings and reaching out to people for a support network after meetings. in short, i'm doing everything i'm supposed to do, short of doing service, which i assumed would come a little later. i'm even reading the big book, on my sponsor's advice. anyway, to keep this from becoming a wall of text, i'm having the following issues, and i'd really like you guys to weigh in on them:  *i felt from day 1 that the program wasn't for me. i kept going because i didn't want to go back to my old life, but i felt like i didn't belong.  *reading the big book has confirmed this. i'm only 5 chapters in, and i'm already either unable to relate, offended, or disgusted with most of what i've read. (i was more of a marijuana addict with occasional alcoholic tendencies - can't relate at all to the alcoholic they're describing in this book)   *i'm curious if anyone here has achieved lasting and meaningful sobriety by going to smart recovery meetings.   now for the mini wall of text, elaborating on item 2, about the big book, if you care to read:  this book has made it clear to me that this program is no place for atheists, or those who know for a fact that they won't have a \"spiritual awakening\". the chapter 'to the agnostic' was highly offensive to me. the jist of the chapter is \"it's cool if you're an atheist, but you'll never get sober unless you start believing in some benevolent force that intervenes in human affairs, period\". i find that to be insulting to my intelligence, rigid, and obtuse.   it's not that i don't believe in a higher power; i believe that tornadoes and hurricanes, and gravity are more powerful than i am; i just don't believe that they have anything to do with my sobriety or ability to recover or improve as a human being. to be succinct, i don't, and never will believe in a higher power that can actually do anything for me at all. they say \"treat the group as a higher power\" but i really don't think that's what the authors of this book intended from what i'm getting from the text.  they also say \"take what works for you and leave the rest\" - i also think that's contradicted in the text, which basically states that you have to do it the \"right way\" or it won't work. i could look for actual quotes, but anyone who's read the big book knows that by chapter 4 or 5, the general message is that you must believe in a benevolent force that can and will intercede in your life, and if you can't, then you're constitutionally incapable of being honest with yourself. for me, it's the total opposite: for me to even acknowledge the possibility of such a divine force that will \"remove my defects of character\" would be the very definition of being dishonest with myself. i think that whole notion is absurd.   i'm going to fire my sponsor because i don't think he understands me, or has the flexibility to tailor my program to my beliefs. i'm going to a meeting tonight where i'll voice all these concerns, and after the meeting i'm hanging with a friend i made in the program who does understand me, and i'll share this with him too.   i think i'm pretty much done with this program, and i'm definitely done with the big book, which reads like a religious text and causes me to roll my eyes so much that i'm getting headaches.   does smart recovery work? aa would have you believe that they're the only gig in town, but that can't be true. has anyone here not only stayed sober, but found themselves capable of personal growth previously thought impossible, through smart recovery? i don't want to just be dry; i want to grow as a human being, become better. is aa the only way to achieve this? i sure hope not. any insight would be greatly appreciated. thanks. ", "answer": ">you must believe in a benevolent force that can and will intercede in your life  must be willing to believe in a benevolent force that can and will intercede in your life.   that's a small differentiation that i felt i should point out. it doesn't say not being able to believe in a higher power make you constitutionally incapable of being honest with yourself. you're kinda taking pieces of the book and throwing them together in a skewed manner.   one passage in we agnostics that speaks to me for this situation is, \"besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasonable prejudice. many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. this thinking had to be abandoned.   this is all speaking to the ability to be willing to believe in a power greater than ourselves that is ours and ours alone. the way i see it, is that the existence of everything is so vast that there is no way to understand it all, and my belief is that some thing, not a supreme being, not an aa group, no concept that can be grasped by the human mind, does understand it and that is a power greater than myself. in we agnostics they state that when they speak of god they speak of your conception of god. their intentions are unknown to anyone, but people have been able to stay sober using aa as a higher power so it really doesn't matter what bill and bob's intentions were. if it works for you do it.   the program of aa is about being willing to go to any lengths to be removed of alcoholism. if you find you can't go to any length, then the program may not be for you.   all that being said, if you can't read the book without seeing it as a religious text, the program is probably not for you. that is exactly why programs like smart exist, i'm sure there are people with significant time in sobriety from attending smart. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fqba2", "comment_id": "1fqba2"}, {"question": "should i get my heart murmur checked out again?", "description": "when i was born, i had a couple of small holes in my heart. i think all but one closed up. i was being put on lithium and had to get my heart checked to make sure i was healthy enough. well the doctor read the ekg wrong and send me to a cardiologist. he did an ultrasound and found that i had a small hole with a murmur, and it wasn't serious so i didn't need to worry.   i think i was 11 or 12 years old, and now i'm 16. i get a lot of chest pain and some trouble breathing. occasionally i just get sharp chest pains that get worse when i inhale, but it eventually goes away.  so my questions;  do you think i even have the murmur and/or hole? if it didn't close up in 12 years, will it never?  should i get it checked out, or is it fine?  (female, 16, 5'1\", 180lb, (i know my weight could be a factor, but does that cause the chest pain?)", "answer": "when was your last ekg/ecg? if you're on lithium you should be having it done at least annually.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5lqfsh", "comment_id": "5lqfsh"}, {"question": "rejection sensitive disphoria and adhd question (advice needed)", "description": "i don't know where to post this. so i am currently on a trip with some friends and they posted an all together picture earlier (on social media) without me in it because i was over 1 hour late due to car problems. now my rsd is going of the charts and im starting to hyperfocus on that thing only and not the current awesome experience we are having. my mind screams confront them about it but my heart says no. what should i do? i am still in the process of getting treatment for adhd.", "answer": "i have experienced some intense rsd moments and it is super uncomfortable. it sounds like these friends mean alot to you and you mean alot to them (otherwise they wouldn't have invited you i assume). only you can make the choice of whether to confront but before you do ask yourself what is the emotion behind the rsd trying to convince me?     ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "80qlte", "comment_id": "80qlte"}, {"question": "problem hurting people", "description": "i\u2019ve got difficulty choosing what to say. i can turn off and decide to be super reserved and only say things that are super safe or turn of the locks and let it all out. i feel shit when i don\u2019t say anything at all but feel even worse when i say things that hurt people (and it\u2019s usually the people i love i end up hurting). i\u2019m not saying something too hurt them but a little part of me knows that it\u2019s going to hurt but i still say it anyway. i just go ahead and say it and hate myself for saying it.   is there anything i can do? i really don\u2019t like stims but if they can help then i\u2019d consider them.   edit - sorry about the shitty grammar and sentence structure", "answer": "learn to use \"i\" statements. instead of attacking the other person or saying something sarcastic, simply explain how you feel (i'm angry, upset, frustrated, etc.) and what happened to make you feel that way.  another useful tool is dear man:  describe the event that upset you, in a factual and neutral way. express how you feel. assert what you want (an apology, change in behavior, etc.) reinforce (reward) the behavior you are asking for (examples: \"thank you for hearing me out,\" \"i value our friendship and i want to work this out\"). be mindful - don't get sidetracked from your main message (a tough one for us!). appear confident. negotiate.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "9biurh", "comment_id": "9biurh"}, {"question": "losing stuff?", "description": "hi all. i'm new here. i'm 28(f) and was diagnosed with adhd when i was in high school. i'm currently not on medication and havent been since high school. i honestly believe my adhd has lead me to self medicate and eventually snowballed in to my addiction. along with other issues, but anyways i'm not medicated.   so i deal with the symptoms day to day and have been considering trying to get back on medication for the last year or so. anyways...i lose shit....all. the. time. always. and nobody understands it. i don't understand it. like shit, again? how? didn't you just lose it?   well more recently i lost my kids daycare card. basically it's like credit card that you swipe in every day during check out/check in. it's how the daycare gets paid.   so i lost it last week and felt horrible about it bc i also hate confrontation & didn't want to tell the daycare administrator. after i told her she said it was no big deal but that i just need to let her know. ok great. so my new card comes in thursday and i'm excited and i happily let them now friday morning when i drop the kids off that i have the card again. friday morning after dropping of the kids, i get home and a few hours in i realize the card is gone, again. i've been beyond stressed about this. having to tell them i lost it again after one day? they're gonna think i'm crazy. and even worse, while i was looking everywhere i found the old card i had originally lost \ud83d\ude44   so i'm sitting here procrastinating having to call and reorder the card bc i'm embarrassed. also thinking how does this keep happening? it doesn't matter if i tell myself \"put it here every time\" i will a couple times but at some point when i'm here, but not here mentally, you know that adhd thing, it will vanish. i'm over it.   does anyone else deal with this and does anyone have any suggestions? i know medication is something i need to consider. but without insurance, it's a little hard.", "answer": "happens to me all the time.  it happens a lot less since i started taking meds, but still happens.    i lost my monthly transpass (card i use to take the train/busses in my city) luckily there was only a week left in the month so it wasn't too costly.  there's been times a few years back i'd lose my monthly one week into the month.... that really sucks.     just last night, it seems my vape fell out of my pocket during my uber ride and i was so caught up in playing games on my phone i didn't realize.  lost and found for uber is $15, my vape costs me only a little over $20, so i'm just getting a new one.     a few days ago i left my debit card on the counter at a dunkin donuts in the morning when i got distracted.  thankfully, they had it when i realized and went back at the end of my work day.   those are just a few examples of things that regularly occur in my adhd life.     i really hate this aspect of myself.  i imagine part of it is a manifestation of my adhd and part of it is just my general aloofness.  either way, i try to just accept it my \"adhd tax\" whether it ends up costing me financially or otherwise.  i'm always trying to get better, but beating myself up too bad isn't going to help anything.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "brbm3a", "comment_id": "brbm3a"}, {"question": "brother has trouble sleeping, doctor's aren't offering much support.", "description": "hi lovely people of reddit. my brother (20) has had trouble sleeping for around a year and a half. it started when he became unemployed for a long period of time, he was temporarily using cannabis to get him to sleep but he has very recently stopped smoking it which was the best thing that could ever happen to him. but, he's panicking because the doctors had prescribed him zopiclone 3.75mg about 5 months ago when he started working again and are now saying they won't prescribe him any more after his last dose, which is tonight. i know him, he won't take much persuading to start smoking weed again and this is a very strong push towards that solution. what can he do? he says that his doctor is very abrupt with him and isn't the most kind/open doctor so he doesn't feel like he can talk to him about this stuff.   i've suggested going to a different doctor surgery (there's one right up the road) or asking to see a different doctor. however i don't know if the reason why they won't give him more is because the drug is dangerous or any other valid reason, if that is the case what are his alternatives?   any help would be amazing, so thanks in advance!", "answer": "since becoming unemployed, what does he do during the day?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "626vt5", "comment_id": "626vt5"}, {"question": "25f what the hell is wrong with me (gray feet, crazy rashes, always tired...) [pics]", "description": "stats at the bottom of this post. (this is a re-post that i also wrote on /r/diagnoseme, i didn't know this sub existed until just now.)  there's something wrong with me and i don't know what it is. it's been getting steadily worse over the past seven years or so. i'm exhausted all the time, shaky all the time, and just generally feel like my body is falling apart. i don't even know what symptoms are relevant anymore, so i'll just start with my crazy feet.  **gray feet**  my feet turn gray. i assume that they always have, but i didn't really notice it until people started pointing it out to me as a teen. my big toe on my right foot is getting steadily more difficult to bend (since about a year ago, and the joint is very painful (the upper joint in the middle of the toe, not the joint connecting to the foot). i'm also now starting to loose some sensation in my right pinkie toe.  here are some gross feet pics: [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)  in addition, i get really crazy bright red patches over my lower legs and knees after a shower. i need to take pictures of those, because i just thought it was normal and haven't thought to take pics yet.  **re-occurrent back rash**  there's more - i have this crazy rash all over my back that always grows back. i've gotten it for as long as i remember, but it's never been this bad before. in my childhood it would go away on it's own and just be a few spots - but now, it will not go away on its own and will spread to the front of my torso, too. it will go away with clotrimazole cream, but will eventually come back. i get it a few times a year.  pics of back rash (the horizontal lines are from sheet marks from a nap, plz ignore): [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)  **my stats are:**  25f  5', 165lbs  white  usa  drink casually, probably around five drinks a month or so.  current meds: effexor xr (225mg), adderall xr (20mg, once per day)  **more stuff i feel that may or may not be relevant:**  \\- so tired. i'm so fatigued all the time. no matter how much i sleep.  \\- really, really shaky. it's been getting worse over the past five years or so. some days it's so bad that i can't even do my eyeliner. i almost always have a tremor in my hands, or in my legs when i'm sitting down or walking up/down stairs.  \\- i feel like i'm \"drunk\" in the mornings, regardless of how long i've slept, and it lasts a few hours.  \\- i bruise incredibly easy and am always covered with bruises.  \\- i have been getting severe night sweats. it has been getting steadily worse for the past four years. i wake up drenched - every night.  \\- i have a history of incredibly weird mouth problems. i had trench mouth once, and a rare abscess another time. lots of painful canker sores. my teeth are also slowly eroding - i already had a root canal in the back and i feel the holes in my teeth. my dental hygiene is good.  \\- i get lots of skin rashes and hives and just general weird discoloration. a seatbelt can cause a red mark that will last all day. if i cry, my chest gets red and blotchy. my neck will get randomly weird red \"rashy\" spots throughout the day. i'll occasionally have episodes where my face gets really hot and red/blotchy and swollen out of nowhere. got some weird acne-looking rashes on my cheeks.  \\- i get migraines frequently. horrible ones that last days.  \\- over the past few years, my heartbeat has started absolutely pounding. i can really feel it, it's so distracting. often when i'm doing absolutely nothing. i can see my heart rate in my belly and chest. it's aggressive.  \\- weird episodes that i thought were \"low blood sugar\" but i don't even know anymore. get them once every couple of months. out of nowhere, i get soo sooo shaky and cold sweats and nauseous and dizzy and vertigo-y and have to lay down. lasts about 20-30 ish minutes. have gotten them since i was a teenager.  \\- when i'm sick, i'm sick for a long time. got the flu at the beginning of this year and it lasted three and a half weeks. i'm still a bit sniffly but soo glad that it's finally over.  \\- i sweat a lot. and am easily overheated. i like my house below 68 degrees, i can't handle anything higher.  \\- i get out of breath doing simple things. i used to run three miles every day, but now running makes me feel like my lungs are going to pop out of my chest and like i'm drowning in mucus.  edit to add:  \\- i also have a lump on my leg underneath my butt that's been there for about five years. used to be the size of a pinprick, now  is about the size of a dime or nickel. i know, i'm the grossest human being alive. a few gps have looked at it at various stages and say it's just a sebaceous cyst and to leave it alone unless it gives me trouble. it's gotten big and uncomfortable enough that i'm going to remove it, tho.  **some additional info:**  \\- all of my test results have come back normal. been tested for thyroid stuff and autoimmune, had a cbc (?) panel, nothing out of the usual. i can find the actual test results if anyone would like to look closer.  \\- i am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, as well as adhd. i take effexor xr for that and adderall xr. honestly? i have no idea what's what any more, because everything feels so intermingled. probably have adhd tho because adderall doesn't really affect me, besides a slight increase in productivity over a period of time.  \\----  please, if anyone can help me. i am at the end of my rope. my body feels like it's falling apart and i don't know what to do anymore. i had to leave my job last year because physically going to the office everyday was too much for me. i get out of breath doing simple things, like the laundry. i've always been really active so this is so so so frustrating and my weight has slowly gone up as i've been unable to do stuff. if anyone may know what this is or what type of doctor i should go to or what to do, i really would appreciate it. i'm so tired of being tired and weak and shaky and rashy and bruising and sweaty and in pain.", "answer": "sounds like you may have pots (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "eujz3w", "comment_id": "eujz3w"}, {"question": "lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "hi \ud83d\udc4b ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well i\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction.  short intro, i\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. i didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once i had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 i stupidly had that first drink thinking i will be able to moderate now. a mistake we have all made i\u2019m guessing.  i now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends.  however i remember how great i felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how i dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness!  determined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. i know i can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this!  eek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "hi. sorry re delay. i am delighted and its getting easier. still the usual cravings but much less at the front of my mind. things better with family life too. hopefully they will stay like that!! how are u getting on now? what are u doing to replace the booze? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "[24/m] i made some massive mistakes and may have pushed away my best friend and girlfriend [20/f]", "description": "we met a couple years back. i didn't think anything of it at the time. you meet new people all the time in college, right? anyway, we talked and chatted for a while, and things just clicked. i'm a very introverted person and have trouble talking to other people, but with her she just made me feel so comfortable while talking. it was amazing.  it wasn't long before we became close. friends, then best friends, then something more. we became essentially inseparable. the only issue is that our relationship has been long distance because she's in college in another state working towards becoming a vet. neither of us cared too much, though. we made things work. we were happy to have each other despite the distance. we made it work just fine for a couple years, after all.  anyway, i'd say the trouble began this past may (2016) when i graduated. unfortunately i couldn't find any work. what i ended up doing that summer was working for my parents, but unfortunately even that didn't last and by the end of august there was no more work left to do. during this time there'd be points where my gf would get super busy with work and college. she works plenty because she comes from a big family and unfortunately doesn't get much help from her parents as a result. we'd talk less because of this, and admittedly i felt bad at point and told her i missed her, but overall things got better and we continued on with our lives.  it wasn't until just after thanksgiving a couple months ago where i think things started going downhill. she was busier than ever with finals, work, and her family was being very demanding of her. and of course i understand this and understand why she was gone so long, but i still couldn't help but miss her. i think she didn't like me saying \"i miss you\" though because i think it made her feel bad for not being there for me when i wanted her to be.  it was a bad combination, though. by december i was getting depressed. i always seem to get an end of year depression for some reason. on top of that, i have been cooped up for such a long time without and work that it was making things worse. i was also isolating myself from all my old friends and classmates due to harassment of my work situation. all that, plus how busy my gf was, was just a recipe for disaster.   i got really awful the last fewweeks of december. i wouldn't hear anything from her for days, up to even a week. no text. no phone call. no snapchat. no skype. and with all these depressing thoughts taking me over, i basically broke down and, for a lack of a better term, became clingy towards her. i kept bugging her with texts, snaps, and phone calls. and when she wouldn't answer or respond to any of them, i got worse and worse.  i'm not going to deny that i was completely in the wrong here. if i had better hold on my depression, showed her the respect she deserved, and was patient until her life let up a little, then things would've turned out better than they did.   about a week into 2017, i was starting to feel a little bit better, but it was far too little far too late. she contacted me on the 6th telling me that she loves and cares about me very much, but we should just stay friends because our lives were in different places.  i can't tell you how deeply i regret my actions and i wish that i could've stopped myself from doing what i did last month. when i started reflecting on what i did and looking back, my eyes went wide. i didn't realize just how awful i was being to her. and i hate i didn't see it while it was happening. she deserved so much better than that.  those first couple days were definitely the darkest in all my life. the days seemed to triple in length. i kept waking up early, unable to fall back asleep. i've completely lost interest in playing video games. for about a week my appetite was basically zero. i was a mess.  since then, however, i've started making changes. i've reached out to my old friends and they've been an absolute godsend. they've offered so much support and advice and it's been great. i've taken my job hunt so much more seriously. in fact, i'm expecting a phone call today where i might or might not get a job offer. it's not in the location i want, but i need to get over that fear and get out there.  i hate how not only did i ruin an incredible relationship, but i also damaged a friendship that i cherished above all else. i hope everyday that we'll be able to rebuild our friendship. anyway, do you guys have any thoughts?  **tl;dr** i might have ruined my relationship with my best friend in the whole world because i was being too clingy. i'm attempting to make changes to improve and i'm hoping at the very least i rebuild our friendship.", "answer": "just respond to her cues and you'll be fine", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q502q", "comment_id": "5q502q"}, {"question": "how should i ask my therapist for my diagnosis?", "description": "i want to bring it up at our next session, but don\u2019t know how to broach the subject.", "answer": "i would say, i'm curious what diagnosis you have for me?   are you paying with insurance? because many therapists actually are very hesitant to formally diagnose clients. however, when using insurance it is required in order to get paid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d3licd", "comment_id": "d3licd"}, {"question": "why did i pass out after peeing?", "description": "this happened a few years ago when i was probably 15 or 16, 5'8, and around 155 lbs, no medical conditions, no medications. i am female. so i got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (which was kind of painful in my bladder for some reason), when i was done i started to feel very, very nauseous and i felt like i was losing my hearing (sound was muffled and i think my ears were ringing, but not sure about that part). i walked to my parents' room to tell them and started walking back to my room, but i lost consciousness three or four times (according to my dad) and ended up on the floor. this has only happened this one time, but i just don't know why. sorry, i have just always wanted to know why this happened! if anyone has an idea that would be appreciated. thank you!", "answer": "there's a term for this: micturation syncope. (that's fancy medical words for urination fainting.) we don't really know why it happens, but you're not alone in having this odd experience.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8bwh1q", "comment_id": "8bwh1q"}, {"question": "my grandfather is tripping balls", "description": "my grandfather, 99 years old, reported to the hospital saturday with pneumonia. and it was weird. his second or third day there was shockingly lucid. he's normally very lucid. like, he'll know who i am, recognize me, be excited to see me, but not really engage me in conversation. a little distant. it's been like this for the last couple years.  but that day at the hospital, he knew who i was and telling me stories, reliving these experiences that we shared (and a few we didn't). he was watching the news (which he normally does with a religious obsession).  next day though, he got a little more out of it and yesterday was really delirious, hallucinating like crazy. figuring that the disorientation of being in the hospital was the cause and since his lungs were mostly cleared up, we took him home.  and for a little while, he was fine. now though, it's going on 430am and he is tripping balls. he's flipping out about children in danger, talking to people who aren't there. and talking non-stop at full volume.  i have literally no idea how to interact with him right now while he's hallucinating. when friends trip, they know they're tripping. i don't think he knows he's tripping. explaining to him that the things that he's seeing are not real both seems obviously wrong to me.  i have no idea how to help him come back.", "answer": "especially considering the relative rapid onset, it would be important that you call his doctor asap. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "412f7m", "comment_id": "412f7m"}, {"question": "how to deal with racism and topics of racism with a partner who thinks your race is the enemy?", "description": "hi there  i'm a white male in my 30s and my wife is a black woman approaching 30 who spends much of her time talking about how racist the world is and how hard it is for people of color. she always points to how bad and terrible and evil white folk are, especially white men. she will also be quick to point out the issues with white women and how white feminism is so wrong.  anytime i try to meet her half way with topics she will state that i just don't understand.   as time has gone on i just feel like i'm having to do everything i can to not even be the slightest bit offensive. she will drag white folk through the mud and relate so many things to race. just how hard it is for people of color to do anything in the world. and anytime i try to point out that it's possibly hard for more than just poc i feel like i'm immediately chastised and she herself says that me saying that is like saying \"all lives matter\" and making light of what she's saying and treating me like a bad white authority figure.   so, how do i approach this without seeming like i'm not trying to dismiss and diminish the black race and frame it like \"maybe you could not frame me in the light of white supremacy?\"    ", "answer": "so she acts like she despises you?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5upukz", "comment_id": "5upukz"}, {"question": "[video] stress as an opportunity for growth.", "description": "[how to never stress again](WEBLINK)", "answer": "i like it!  \"the stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow is that it feels uncomfortable.\"  \"if we use adversity properly, we can grow through adversity.\"", "topic": "getmotivated", "post_id": "7lodsz", "comment_id": "7lodsz"}, {"question": "therapist is weird", "description": "i was in the psychiatric hospital for two months i was diagnosed with ptsd, depression, anxiety, and psychosis. i\u2019ve been seeing a therapist for a month. (once a week) she does not believe in diagnosing a minor with something that could go away when they are an adult (like recovering from depression) she refuses to diagnose me but i need a diagnosis to get medicine. what should i do? they can not accept the hospitals diagnosis because it was in a different part of the state.", "answer": "a psychiatrist could give you a diagnosis and medication without a therapist being involved. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7pyel6", "comment_id": "7pyel6"}, {"question": "is this normal behavior for a therapist?", "description": "so i've been seeing my therapist since late october 2019. i was excited at first but after a while she started getting on her phone a lot during my sessions and soon after that she would start telling me stories of things her other patients have gone through that were similar to the things i've gone through which usually triggered me really badly. she also wouldn't really do a whole lot to guide me while i was going through an abusive situation a few months ago, she would just say things like \"well you've just got to get out of there\" \"you need to make your mom do this\" and just a lot of things that started making me get defensive. i don't have insurance anymore and she sees me for free, i'm worried that i can't afford a different therapist to treat my ptsd if i stop seeing my current one", "answer": "not imo. she a) doesn\u2019t sound very professional (you don\u2019t get on your phone when with clients) b) doesn\u2019t sound trauma informed based on things she\u2019s said. i get that financially it\u2019s an issue in getting a new therapist. you can look for nonprofits in your area and others who do a sliding scale. it\u2019s going to be up to you to decide if getting free bad therapy is worth the cost to your mental health. i get something seems better than nothing, but when it comes to your mental health it\u2019s not always. you can try talking to her and saying how it makes you feel when she gets on her phone and when she says things that trigger you. see how she handles that. i always try and give my clients permission and invite them to tell me if i\u2019ve said something that bothered them because i know a lot of people may not want to say something.  if i had a therapist say things that yours has would make me feel invalidated and minimized. that\u2019s not what therapists are supposed to do. we\u2019re supposed to be the people that don\u2019t say those things. i\u2019m sorry you\u2019ve been through this.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g9gl40", "comment_id": "g9gl40"}, {"question": "why i never was too impressed with aa", "description": "as many (most?) of you know, one of the \u201cstep\u201d they have in alcohol anonymous is that you have to admit you are powerless over the addiction.   far from it for me. i know i can overcome my desire/craving for alcohol, just as i had previously overcome my desire/craving for pot, weed, marijuana. whatever \u2018cook\u2019 or \u2018funny\u2019 name you give it, it\u2019s just an \u2018it.\u2019 it has no power over me that i don\u2019t credit it with.   in genesis, just before cain slays his brother abel, god tells cain, @sin crouches at your door, yet you may rule over it.\u201d cain failed to overcome his desire, but god told him he could have if he would just try.   in the book of job, satan is shown as an angel of god and on par with the other angels. he has no powers god doesn\u2019t grant to him, and what powers he wants to exercise he has to get permission from god first.   i don\u2019t give alcohol power over me; i reserve the right to refuse to play that game.   iwndwyt. ", "answer": "that's not what the first step means in most people's understanding but i agree anyway that you need to know you can overcome it and take away it's power. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9xsv9r", "comment_id": "9xsv9r"}, {"question": "my first concert went better than expected", "description": "as the title states, i just went to my very first concert (a metal one of course) and i actually enjoyed it! i\u2019ve hidden in my shell all of my life and i stepped out of it for once tonight and it was the most surreal and amazing moment of my life. i\u2019m not saying that stepping out of your comfort zone is for everyone. because no one person is the same as another, but if you have an urge to do something outside of your comfort zone, do it! it might actually be fun.", "answer": "stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way you'll ever learn to cope with your anxiety or recover from it.  it's never easy, which is why so many people avoid it and their anxiety never improves.  congrats for taking the leap!  what band did you see?  growing up, getting into the hardcore and punk scene really helped me deal with my own anxiety among other issues.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "9grkt7", "comment_id": "9grkt7"}, {"question": "why do equations run through my head before i get sick?", "description": "okay... so i've finally found that i'm not the only person to experience the feeling known as \"fast feeling\" thanks to reddit. it changes your time perception and makes things seem extremely fast, slow, or where you feel like you are moving fast, but everything around you is slow motion almost.   i also saw something on a thread that someone described as \"math feeling\". trigonometric equations run through their head and when you close your eyes you can visually see the equations and shapes being \"solved?\". the person goes on to say this happens before he gets sick.  in my case, all the same occurs, but my head seems to be flooded with the number 7 with equations running in the background. is this something that's only in my head or is there anyone else that has this happen to them, but with a different number or style of mathematics involved?", "answer": "that's really interesting.  when you say \"before i get sick,\" are you referring to a manic episode?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "cr13gt", "comment_id": "cr13gt"}, {"question": "asking my doctor for topamax?", "description": "i have heard topamax has been used for binge eating and seems to have a good success rate with bulimia also. i am from the uk. i have an appointment with my doctor next week and would like to know how i could approach asking for this to try? i don't want to seem like i am self diagnosing. my doctor is very nice and is the only person i have fully opened up to about my bulimia and she has it all on file.  ​  should i go in with a print out about the medicine or should i just bring it up?  how would i say i know about this?    ​  any help would be appreciated. i am nervous to ask but i really am at my last stage. i have tried loads of other resources. so i would try anything now.", "answer": "i would suggest behavioral and psychotherapy over medications in bulimia. ", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "aexqf6", "comment_id": "aexqf6"}, {"question": "how long should i (25f) wait for him (26m) to be ready for marriage and children?", "description": "my boyfriend and i have been together for coming up to seven years. we've lived together for four of those. we are absolutely in love with each other - no doubt in my mind. we know we want to spend our lives together.  i've been thinking about marriage and children for a while. my parents had me young (my mum was 21) and i have an amazing relationship with them, and i want that with my children. i want to get married before kids and my boyfriend knows that.  we have spoken about our future and marriage is definitely a 'when' not an 'if'. he says he doesn't want to be engaged for a long time, and would prefer to be able to afford a wedding before we get engaged. i see this as just an excuse, but i haven't told him that. we are both in full time jobs earning a decent income. he's due a pay increase soon and i think we could afford it if we (namely he) cut back on impulse purchases. he's a gadget and video game enthusiast.  kids come up in conversation a lot (again, when not if) and i've told him i want to have them before i'm 30. i have dropped hints like saying 'when you are ready for kids' instead of saying 'when we are ready' and i changed my birth control to something that would make my natural fertility return a lot quicker after discussing with him.  i'm at the point where every special occasion, every holiday, every date night - the thought of 'what if it's tonight he finally pops the question' enters my head. i'm annoying myself to be honest. i never wanted to compare myself to a legally blonde scene.  does it sound like he's a commitment-phobe? should i talk to him again? he's a pretty traditional guy so i don't think he would respond well to me asking him. last time i brought marriage up (about six months ago) it somehow turned into an argument, with him asking me how i knew he wasn't going to ask me the next day.  any advice would be great, even if it's just to stop the urges to plan my yet-to-exist wedding and think about my yet-to-be-conceived children's names!  tl;dr i've been with my boyfriend for seven years and i want to get married and start a family. not sure if i should talk to him (again) or wait. ", "answer": "you've waited six years too long i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x9d5i", "comment_id": "6x9d5i"}, {"question": "i feel like an alien in a human suit", "description": "i have adhd and people constantly treat me like a child. they think i have low intelligence because i constantly zone in and out and dont catch what theyre saying. it happens all the time. another example, we were on this trivia app the other day and i wasnt getting answers correct. they blatantly said \u201ci wanna see her take an iq test haha\u201d or \u201ci bet if you took an iq test, the score would be higher than we all think it is.\u201d im so sick of it. i can\u2019t sit still all the time, like when were watching a movie on the couch. she asked me to stop moving but i subconsciously do it anyways. one of my friends said to me \u201ci\u2019m gonna sit on the floor because you\u2019re moving too much and its annoying me.\u201d i live in a dorm with these people so i can\u2019t just move out and stop being friends. i feel like a second class citizen in my friend group. it makes me feel really bad about myself; like some sort of alien in a human suit. ", "answer": "i\u2019m really sorry you\u2019re struggling with this. have you shared with your roommates that you have adhd? i know that might feel really vulnerable to share with people who have already been shitty to you, but given that you live together, it seems like them not knowing what is going with you may be doing more damage. they need to understand that you\u2019re struggling and that the way they\u2019re treating you is adding to your struggle. likewise, you need to make sure that you\u2019re doing everything you can to manage your symptoms, for yourself first and foremost, but also because your roommates need to be able to live with you. i don\u2019t mean that to sound harsh. but i think we do, to a point, owe the people who spend the most time with us our best effort in managing our symptoms, since those people are impacted by our symptoms too. yours sound like they\u2019re really hard for you to manage and are negatively impacting you. so i\u2019m wondering if you\u2019re receiving treatment of some sort right now? if you are, do you need to try something else? ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "9x5zjf", "comment_id": "9x5zjf"}, {"question": "alcohol enhancement of activities", "description": "my drinking usually revolved around the enhancement of things i enjoy, hobbies primarily. i like to paint and play video games, do a little woodworking (although i at least had to common sense to never operate a saw while hammered on liquor!) and i always felt that although those things were enjoyable, having a few drinks would just take it up a little higher, make it better.   slowly, alcohol became a mandatory variable of my little fun equation. i used to really enjoy getting drunk while painting and singing along to music or jamming out to very loud music while inspired, and good times man.  anyway, it's taken me a good six months plus to get back into my painting, and one thing i've found is that i can enjoy the same level of satisfaction sober. i found myself rocking out to some loud music the other night, singing along, painting, and thoroughly enjoying myself. a natural high. minus the alcohol.  just wanted to share this, as i found it a really cool re-discovery about myself. i'd be willing to bet i'm not the only one who felt they needed to be drunk in order to create or truly enjoy those kinds of hobbies, and that their satisfaction would be diminished without drinking.", "answer": "i use to write all the time. and romanticized the idea of being a lush poet or wino novelist. a slave to the pen and paper with a drink on my desk. then a bottle. then i had to drink to write. then i just had to drink and my writing stopped completely. been working on getting back into it and i think trying at different times of the day with coffee will help. it's been a lot easier taking up new creative hobbies too. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3wjeva", "comment_id": "3wjeva"}, {"question": "not diabetes! not iv drug abuse. doctors have no diagnosis despite all the labs and scans and even biopsy. wtf just wtf ... help please", "description": "sex female  age 34  height 5'4  weight 145  race asian/caucasian (father, native american/white) (mother, korean)  duration of complaint: blotches have appeared on and off for 10+ years, simple light reddish or purple in  color, would disappear on it's in,a didn't seek medical attention until recently. ulcer first appeared almost 5 years ago, thought to be a bad spider bite with nacrosis resulting, when a ulcer developed on her other foot we knew that to be wrong.  location (geographic and on body) colorado springs, colorado  any existing relevant medical issues (if any) sinus tachacardia, asthma, essential tremmors  current medications (if any) vitamid d supplement, beta blocker, albuteral, **depo provera birth control for past 8 years include a photo: WEBLINK labs link : labs WEBLINK  foot9 condition now vs. 3 months ago update WEBLINK", "answer": "looks like a fungus on your toes. what did the biopsy show?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ary77b", "comment_id": "ary77b"}, {"question": "blood testing and depression... did my doctor miss something?", "description": "i've finally started to pursue help for depression. and yes, i have a psychiatrist appointment next week which i was referred to by the physician who did the blood test. other then being a danger to myself (which i don't believe i am, nor does my wife or doctor or therapist). i have had depressive symptoms (brain fog, feeling a constant state of unhappiness, fatigue, the inability to feel happy even when i know that normal people would in certain circumstances, etc. etc. etc.) since before i can remember, and my parents can confirm that as well.  my only issue is, i told him that when i was 18, i had low iron to the point that they asked me to come back for further testing. because of personal stupidity i never went back due to life circumstances. that is the only known issues i told my doctor. from what i can tell, they didn't test for iron unless i'm missing something. i feel like that was my main concern and he never pursued it.  i'm not against psychotropics or any mental medications, i just want to check up on any other causes before we go down that route.  can anyone help interpret this initial test? there are 3 high levels and i don't fully understand what i'm looking at. any resources that you recommend to read would be great as well.   blood results - WEBLINK 24m, 5'8\", 150lb., never smoked, caucasian, maybe 1 beer/week, no recreational drug use, have depression symptoms for at least over 15 years, no known medical conditions, no medications.", "answer": "the labs you posted don\u2019t look complete and leave off some of the most important things to check, if they were checked: hemoglobin and thyroid labs.  there\u2019s no standard lab work up for depression without indicative symptoms to suggest something else, but thyroid is fairly common and easy, and checking for anemia is obviously worthwhile if you have a history of anemia.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ex63t6", "comment_id": "ex63t6"}, {"question": "advice or other experiences of ldr (f/24, m/24)", "description": "i met my boyfriend almost 12 months ago, we started dating 11 months ago and have been exclusively together for 8 months.  we met while both working abroad; for visa reasons, i moved home 6 weeks ago and am planning to stay here.  he plans to return home in the next 18 months, but this is dependent upon his company agreeing to a transfer, or finding a similar position at home.   just wondering how other couples have transitioned from seeing each other daily to long distance, and what advice they have on how to deal with said distance.  i have seen other reddit posts suggesting things like watching movies simultaneously etc., however for us the time difference and full time jobs gets in the way of that (and also we share a one screen netflix subscription :) ).  thank you!    ", "answer": "if you're mature, it will work. requires commitment and fortitude and the ability to spend time alone without becoming frantic.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wy9z1", "comment_id": "6wy9z1"}, {"question": "how to get therapy at 17 independently in california?", "description": "17m from california. i have money to pay for virtual therapy sessions but i want to do it completely independently; i have a debit card and everything, i don\u2019t need to involve anyone else. that might not be legally possible but what are my options? if i don\u2019t get help now i legit will crash and burn at one point. trying to prevent that. thanks! :)", "answer": "california is really good about privacy for minors ,  though the rules may depend on the license of the practioner.  in ca, i was unable to access my kids' medical records after they were 11, which was a huge pain in the ass since they had no ability to make or pay for appointment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "k5059x", "comment_id": "k5059x"}, {"question": "something my girlfriend said today [m28] [f21]", "description": "so today my girlfriend (of 4 months), her friend, and i were hanging out and we were talking about receding hairlines. my girlfriends friend mentioned how my girlfriend was very against receding hairlines and always made a big deal about it in the past. she piped in and said, as soon as that hairline starts to recede its over. i don't know if she meant that the current relationship is over or if guys in general have no chance once their hairline starts receding.   this kind of caught me off guard. i have recently noticed that my temples have started to recede a bit and it sent me into a 2 week state of panic but finally came to terms with it. luckily i have long thick hair and even though i'm 28, i look like i have the hairline of a 20 year old. hearing her say this brought back those fears and frankly i feel very angry towards her. i think its just really shallow and also makes me consider continuing this relationship if she is that superficial or if she is just going to break it off once she notices my hairline receding.  i know i need to talk to her about it but then i have to tell her my hairline is receding and that it is one of my bigger insecurities right now ... both of which i would rather her not know. suggestions on how to deal with this? am i making too big of a deal about this? thanks :)", "answer": "this one's easy. just let her overhear you say the following to your friend: \"yeah, once they start to get a little pooch in their belly, i'm outta there.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "27o5my", "comment_id": "27o5my"}, {"question": "dating and relationship tips from the knowledgeable and wise reddit community.", "description": "so i'm shawn. i'm 20 and i'm a computer programmer and game designer. i've been in 3 relationships previously only to have who i thought was the love of my life end up going out with and sleeping with another guy. it shattered me. i've moved on but not without damage.  so i've tried to get back into trying and finding a girl, but it hasn't been easy. i'm seeing someone now and i've gone out once with her and we decided to end it because i was too nervous from a previous relationship 1 week ago. since then, it's been over a month in the \"friendzone\".  so i'm afraid that if i ask her that i'll lose her forever or be rejected in some other way. i'm mostly afraid of saying the wrong thing. when i go to actually talk to her i put it off because it feels like someone has stuffed cotton in my mouth. what do i do in this case? how can i express my emotions in such a way that i don't look like a tool? and finally, how do i make myself more confident around her?  shawn fox. ", "answer": "thanks for your humble honesty mr. shawn fox.  people either love us or they don't. we are who we are. we have no choice but to be ourselves.  so just be you. say what you feel, always.  as far as rejection goes....well..we've all been there and it hurts like hell. but as william faulkner said  \"...between grief and nothing, i will take grief\".", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fe4bi", "comment_id": "6fe4bi"}, {"question": "what does dbt advise for mood swings?", "description": "that's the problem i struggle the most with - i'll be feeling okay, and then suddenly i'll be triggered into a depressed mood or sometimes irrational anger.  what does dbt advise you to do in those situations? i've tried googling it but haven't found much beyond \"take a bath lol\" level advice, which isn't particularly helpful. ", "answer": "not dbt specifically, but what i've always found helpful is practicing mindfulness during the mood swings. take space, be by yourself, recognize how you are feeling and try to distance yourself from those swings. the swing is bpd, it's irrational and it's not founded in truth.  distractions! music is a powerful tool that can help get you out of a pickle. conversations with another trusted person who knows you and what you go through. journal your thoughts and feelings. color something. do some origami. eat! cook! create!  cry, because sometimes it helps and it's okay ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "2vaiux", "comment_id": "2vaiux"}, {"question": "what's the difference between psychotherapy (talk therapy) and a conversation with a supportive layperson (friend, family, etc.)?", "description": "i previously asked a question on a different subreddit asking why psychotherapy is only taught to graduate students and not undergrads.  ​  ​  ​  the answer i got was that:  ​  >undergraduates haven't learned enough to safely and ethically practice psychotherapy. psychotherapy can be damaging if it's done incorrectly, so it's best left to graduate students in dedicated programs.  ​  so that got me wondering what exactly is the difference between a therapist/psychologist/graduate student in a dedicated program conducting psychotherapy on a client vs said client having a candid conversation with a supportive layperson (friend, familly member, church leader, school teacher, etc.)?  ​  ​  ​  is psychotherapy always going to be superior to normal conversation that is trying to be supportive to the person who is receiving it? i guess i'm trying to ask whether a conversation with your support system people is equal, better, worse, or simply supplemental to psychotherapy.", "answer": "imo this is a legitimate problem in psychotherapy. sometimes, there is no difference, because all the client may be demanding in a particular session is for positive human contact, and sometimes people are so alienated from their social life that they can only feel like they progress in a psychotherapeutic environment. sometimes, people just have problems and conflate them with psychological problems - since they manifest in psychological symptoms -  and they can only really check by going to therapy.  *however*, this does not mean that psychotherapy is the same. for starters, the whole setup is completely different - you're meeting someone on a regular basis, pay them for that, and you're in a very confined environment to check on a single thing -  what can we do to better the mental health of the client? psychology has a lot of *tools* for that, but ultimately, it's my belief that the client should leave therapy armed with the same tools that the therapist gave them, and hopefully develop a self-created sense of how to use those tools to solve more problems, or even better - how to create their own tools to then solve these problems.   in this regard, us psychotherapists are (hopefully) way, way ahead of your average layman. it is my wish that most people learn from psychotherapy so that the profession itself dies out, or at least progresses into something else. at the very least i hope that psychotherapy eventually develops into a more technical discipline (which right now it is not), where you can go to the therapist for a specific problem and the therapist can go through certain processes to solve them. we already have some, but they tend to be reductionist and have their own problems.   my classic example is dream work. it's usually a better idea to take that to therapy, but i would also add one more thing - psychotherapy is just a different approach to solve problems, it is not *the* solution. so talking to your friend might or might not be better for you, but you there's a higher chance that your therapist has more tools to help you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4gokf", "comment_id": "c4gokf"}, {"question": "thankful thursday: affirmation (1)", "description": "thankful thursday is a weekly thread where you are welcome to share your gratitude. so, sobernauts, what are you thankful for today?  > my definition of gratitude...has two components. first, it\u2019s an affirmation of goodness. we affirm that there are good thing in the world, gifts and benefits we\u2019ve received. this doesn\u2019t mean that life is perfect; it doesn\u2019t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. but when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life. --[robert emmons](WEBLINK)  those of you who regularly click through my tt links may recognize emmons. he\u2019s a psychologist who has extensively studied and promoted gratitude. i find his definition of gratitude interesting--it\u2019s so much more than just the \u201cquality of being thankful.\u201d next week we\u2019ll look at the second part, but this week, consider the first. **can you identify and affirm a gift you\u2019ve received this week?**", "answer": "im grateful for a 5 am  charity yoga class and swim this morning to mark the longest day of summer. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8sovc4", "comment_id": "8sovc4"}, {"question": "pocd", "description": "can anyone tell me how they are on their way (if not already) to overcoming it? or harm ocd.... or any other similar type of ocd  because this is rock bottom. and i am seriously struggling to cope. out of all of the obsessions i've had over my life and manifestations of ocd, these are the intrusive thoughts i just can't handle", "answer": "have you tried therapy? or, have you gone through an ocd workbook? there is a ton of great info out there that is research based that can help if you try it. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "56roy8", "comment_id": "56roy8"}, {"question": "483 days", "description": "i stopped drinking when i found out i was pregnant, in some ways i feel like it was almost cheating because i literally couldn\u2019t stand the smell of booze without heaving, so it was the easiest stop ever.  once i had her, i got post natal depression and put on some meds which meant alcohol was a bad idea, so i have stayed away.   but lately i have been getting the urge, sneaky thoughts in the middle of the day when i\u2019m home with her, thoughts  that a glass of wine would taste so good, and relieve some of the boredom?  i have to really concentrate on what life was like before, and what it\u2019s like how.  when i drank, i was messy, sloppy, falling over, dropping glasses phones keys, saying stupid stuff, saying cruel stuff, losing things, smelling bad, chain smoking cigarettes, eating junk, embarrassing myself, lying, being inappropriate and unprofessional when i drank at work functions, was too hung over to clean my house or do laundry regularly, waking up in the middle of the night with pounding head and heart, vomiting in club bathrooms and going back out to drink more, helped home by strangers more than once, crippling anxiety guilt and shame, skipping the gym and work because i was sick from the night before or still drunk. i was a liability.  it wrecked my first marriage and several friendships.  i don\u2019t miss any of that shit, and i never want my kid to see me in that state.  i won\u2019t drink with you all today xx", "answer": "just wanted to stop by to tell you to give yourself s little more credit for making it through pregnancy without drinking. lots of women don\u2019t. pregnancy is frought with fear and misery\u2014excellent excuses to just have \u201ca glass or two\u201d. \u2764\ufe0f", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "811fqd", "comment_id": "811fqd"}, {"question": "both hands have been numb for 5 hours", "description": "age 23f  sex f  height 5'10\"  weight 120lbs  race white  duration of complaint 6 hours  location usa  any existing relevant medical issues no  current medications birth control   background: i usually don't have a period because i take birth control. i ran out and wast able to take my pill for two days and so i started bleeding yesterday with some normal cramping. i got my pill and took it yesterday like normal. i'm 23, 5'10\", 120lbs.  last night i was woken up around 3am by extreme cramps that have been making me bend over in pain and cry and almost throw up and i'm still experiencing them now at 9am. however at around 4am both of my hands and arms started to feel numb and now my hands are still numb 5 hours later. as far as the cramps go i think i have endometriosis but i've never been tested for it. can an ultrasound do that? with the hands part, i've never had this happen before and i'm wondering if i should go to a walk in clinic?", "answer": "are the hands cold? are the entire hands numb? tingling?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "j66gwp", "comment_id": "j66gwp"}, {"question": "my dad hung himseld in a hotel", "description": "ever since that day my life has changed. i was one of the few who stood by him and he figured i could take it. its been 6 years and im still barely hanging on. i want to kill myself cause the pain is too much not having him here. but my nieces and nephews and friends smiles keep me from doing it. i cant bring it upon myself to put them thru what ive been suffering from. suicide is a permanent solution to lifes bullshit problems.   edit: fuck reddit and their lack of edit for titles, himself***", "answer": "those close to you can bring great joy and pain as you know. are you looking just to share or would you like advice on something?", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "b1xjkc", "comment_id": "b1xjkc"}, {"question": "love advice..", "description": "so i need some advice. i've been really close friends with a girl i met in high school, and during the summer before our senior year, i developed a crush on her older brother.  i didn't tell her until i went on vacation with her and her family (brother included as was her boyfriend) and we both got super drunk and i confessed. she wasn't mad, and me and her brother had a fling for a little over a month. i was clingy, a young hormonal teenage girl and he was 18 and  didn't want a relationship.  we stopped seeing each other, but i've held onto some fondness for him over the years, and have continued to be close friends with her and hang out regularly at her house and see him. i never talk about our \"tryst\", but he enlisted in the marines last december and texted me out of nowhere about a month ago. we text quite often, and we've talked about our so called relationship quite a bit. he doesn't want to settle down because he doesn't think he would be able to with the lifestyle he lives, and i have my doubts whether he could either.  long story short, i have very strong feelings for him and need to know, am i wasting my time, and hurting my own heart by talking to him and being this close to him? we have genuine conversations, and he makes me laugh, and i genuinely think he feels something for me. i just don't know if i should force myself to move on and date other people or stick it out and see what happens.  any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "always take 'no commitment' seriously. keeping dating others; if he's ever ready he'll let you know.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw4hv", "comment_id": "6aw4hv"}, {"question": "what levels of rbc qualify as anemic?", "description": "29 years, 5'7, 170 pounds, f, no medications, no smoking, no gallbladder.  for at least 2 years i'm having major fatigue issues and now it's progressing to cognitive. i'm having memory issues and foggy brain.  my rbc count is 3.7. what qualifies as anemic? how exactly is anemia diagnosed?  thank you", "answer": "not my area of expertise, but anemia is usually diagnosed by either hemoglobin or hematocrit, and rbc count is less used.  as far as rbcs go, that's below the normal cutoff but by very little.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "89eek3", "comment_id": "89eek3"}, {"question": "i [21f] feel insecure around my [21m] boyfriend and i want to work on this.", "description": "i've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now.  he's everything i could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship.    however, i can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me.  i feel incredibly insecure about the way i look, my personality (ex. do i come off as clingy? i always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (i know i'm not dumb, but i can't help but feel that way).  i hate that i'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.  i love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but i'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me.  i don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so i need to figure out how to fix this on my own.  any advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "68k416"}, {"question": "i'm in law enforcment and wonder if i have ptsd, or at least some symptoms.", "description": "i have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  the reason i am posting is because recently i had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  i have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  i have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  in addition i have also been involved in a \"suicide by cop\" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times i sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  i did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.  it seems when i experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  some things concern/scare me.  for instance, there was once where i was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  i couldn't control my breathing, heart rate, etc.  i have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  i have bouts where the images and memories intrude and i can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  in my teen years i also contemplated suicide often, though this has not been an active thought for over a decade now.  each time i experience a particularly difficult call i get a little more worried.  i know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what i deal with in my job on a regular basis.  i know it's not \"normal\" for someone to have to take in and analyze every detail of a scene like that. i know i shouldn't be \"ok\" after these incidents, but i don't know if i'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.", "answer": "i'm a clinical psych doctoral student. ethically, i can't diagnose or provide treatment, but i will say that you really should speak to a clinical psychologist. this is not at all uncommon.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "f7o0m6", "comment_id": "f7o0m6"}, {"question": "18 year old alcoholic---help me, please. ", "description": "heh, yeah, sounds dumb i know. it's true though, unfortunately.  my parents were both alcoholic minors as well. my mother (for example) lived in an abusive household. her parents would throw parties, she would pick up afterward. she was nine when she had her first drink. she sipped some out of the bottom of a glass. obviously at nine that sort of thing was an instinct.   i have the same instinct.   my parents got help in aa very quickly (that's actually how they met. awww) and don't allow alcohol in our household, never have. you could say i'm sheltered.  my sophomore year of high school was when it started. i was also blessed with my father's severe anxiety and my mother's clinical depression. sometimes i would get so upset i would feel the urge to get so damn drunk. i would want to drink myself away. but i'd never drank before. my first drink was prom night my senior year, years later.   so i've had this internal thing, in my dna, making me an alcoholic.  alright, so down to business. my two best friends part a lot. one of them smokes weed every day and the other hosts parties at her apartment every weekend. i'm currently in her apartment as we speak because i was high earlier today and couldn't go home.   anyway, it isn't really causing any immediate problems in my life, but i'm worried about what could happen in the future. maybe i could be blowing off studying for finals (i go to community college) to party all weekend. what if i travel somewhere drunk and end up in jail? i'm no where near any of these scanarios---when me and my best friends party, it's just a small gathering of 18-19 year olds having a good time. but who knows how fast it could escalate.  obviously, i can't really get a therapist because i would have to explain to my parents the problem. which i can't do. they'd force me to never see my best friends again. i still live at home and as of now they completely control me. on the flip side, i refuse to distance myself from my friends. they're all i have. i can't say no to going to the parties because i want to spend time with my friends, but i suppose i could try going to parties, but just not drinking. although, i just don't know how i'd go about it.   i'm just a kid guys. i have no idea what i'm doing. i only graduated high school this past june. i need advice from people that already have life pretty much figured out.   ", "answer": "my current sobriety date is from when i was 17. a man in my home group picked up 24 years two weeks ago and he got sober at 15. never disqualify yourself based on differences you see, look at similarities.  i know exactly where you're coming from though, all of my grandparents are alcoholics, and my dad's an addict.  however unlike you alcohol has already caused significant damage to my life. i have multiple drinking citations, i've been expelled from high school, i attempted suicide, and i could go on for days about the problems alcohol has caused me. i've been blessed with the chance to stop though.  i'm just not entirely sure what you're asking, but i would suggest you take a period of abstinence(from everything), to clear your head. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1a2t6o", "comment_id": "1a2t6o"}, {"question": "is my 5year relationship over?", "description": "okay so i (f21) have been dating a guy (m20) for over 5years. he recently did something really stupid and i need to decide how to move past it or if we are just burnt out. to give you a timeline, we started dating feb 2012 (i was a junior in high school, he was a sophomore). everything was good until june 2014 (the month after he graduated high school). he broke up with me and started dating another girl (they had been secretly texting for a few months already). anyways, he started texting me again and long story short, we got back together november 2014.  then, january 2015, he starts texting/sexting and snapchatting the girl he broke up with me for again. he even went to see her (they both say nothing happened but yeah right). the only reason i found out was because the girl screenshot one of his snaps and sent it to me. so i confront him and tell him that i'm breaking up with him. he begs me back again and i give him an ultimatum. i was living with a roommate at the time and he was still at his parents house. i told him that we could try to work it out but he had to move in with me or there was no way. so he moved in with him. i had(still have) a lot of trust issues because of obvious reasons and we would still argue about him texting the girl and this went on for about a year and a half.  fast forward to current time, i was trusting him again and i thought we were doing so good. we've talked about marriage, kids, homes, our whole future together. then at the beginning of this month one day i started to get a lot of facebook messenger notifications. his account is on my phone and they were for his messenger. i opened the messages and he was messaging not one, but two women. one was his old high school teacher and he asked her to go to dinner with him and at one point she called him 'little boy' and he responded with 'there's nothing little about me.' and the other woman was some lady who works at a convenience store who told to look her up on facebook and he did and he started messaging her asking if she wanted to fuck and trying to hook up with her. when i found these messages i was literally speechless because i thought our relationship was finally stable and that we were perfect. so anyways i confront him and he denies the messages saying that it was his friend from work sending the messages. i threw his stuff out of our apartment and he finally confesses that it was him sending the messages. he stayed at his brothers for like two weeks but now he's just been sleeping on the couch. he keeps saying he doesn't want us to be over and that he will do anything to have me back. i don't know what to do or think.   tldr; boyfriend of 5+ years cheats on me, again, denies it, has been sleeping on couch trying to convince me not to leave him. help", "answer": "aren't you tired of being upset about this?  dump all cargo. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyg7s", "comment_id": "6dyg7s"}, {"question": "did i catch an std?", "description": "i had a protected sex with an russian escort almost a month ago. while the intercourse was protected, i did go down on her unprotected . ever since that afternoon, i haven\u2019t been feeling well. for almost 4 weeks now, i have these symptoms: 1. very mild fever 2. chills 3. very mild headache  4. very mild sore throat 5. my eyes are hot and heavy, could be dry 6. my mouth is hot and lips are dry 7. fatigue  i looked up every std symptoms and it doesn\u2019t seem that i caught anything specific. i normally don\u2019t get sick for more than a week. since the symptoms are very mild, i still go to work and function normally.  i\u2019m a 34 yr old asian male.  my std testing is scheduled but a week away.   thanks \ud83d\ude4f ", "answer": "it's probably nothing, but hopefully you'll be reassured after you've had your sexual health check. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "7771mo", "comment_id": "7771mo"}, {"question": "starting dbt in a few weeks, what do i need to know?", "description": "how does group therapy work? what should i be prepared for? any advice is appreciated", "answer": "if the group facilitator is following protocol (some stray, and that's typically fine), the group will be for dbt skills training and not therapy. however, therapeutic issues are likely to come up. most participants will be in individual therapy in conjunction with the skills group.   there's a lot of material to cover so come prepared to learn. you'll probably get several handouts and worksheets. if you don't receive a binder or folder, consider investing in a sturdy one that will last. you have to be in a place of readiness to change. all the skills you'll learn are nothing if you don't practice and apply them. dbt is an incredible treatment but you have to be on board!   best of luck in your upcoming journey! ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "36y5jt", "comment_id": "36y5jt"}, {"question": "i've just been diagnosed and have a question about food!", "description": "i was diagnosed two weeks ago after having ultrasounds and multiple missed periods. i am also getting a blood test to confirm it but it seems definite.  i was doing some reading about how having pcos makes you more likely to get diabetes and was wondering if following a diabetic meal plan could work well for me?  what kind of food plans does everyone on here follow, if any?  many thanks :)", "answer": "many people will say keto, but you can also start out with a low glycemic-index eating plan, avoid sugar, refined carbohydrates, and see how it works for you. possibly cut out dairy. eat more greens.   the problem with keto is that if you go out of keto after having been in ketosis for any period of time, you'll gain the weight back rather easily. some people find it hard to limit carbohydrates long-term. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3krvr6", "comment_id": "3krvr6"}, {"question": "work debacle, how do i deal with this meeting?", "description": "so i am a trainer in a call center, love my job except now i'm getting caught up in politics that are ticking me off. i tend to not get involved with these issues, however with my current class i have 2 people with disabilities. they are awesome, just some things to work around, and they only require a few extra hours to complete course work. i allowed the extra time, as i would to anyone who would need it. i am now facing a meeting with hr, the manager and the site lead because i allowed the time as it is seen as \"special treatment\" by one of the managers. to me it seems this manager is creating an issue and discriminating on a personal level because they never wanted the people to be hired on and they are going to this persons team. how do i best deal with this without coming off as an asshole? serious replies only please. my meeting is tomorrow.  ", "answer": "> **to me** it seems this manager is creating an issue and discriminating on a personal level because they never wanted the people to be hired on and they are going to this persons team    this is definitely your fault.  how dare you do something so sensible as to allow for extra time for individuals who need it and on top of that make such an astute observation about management.  what kind of person takes into considerations the needs of other individuals? you have put your management in a tough spot. in fact, it is impossible for you to do this meeting without coming off as an asshole. sure enough, when you go into that meeting and remain silent and reflect their questions back to them, they will definitely not look like assholes because it won't be totally obvious that your initial assumption was correct.  so be an asshole.  ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "3iaplp", "comment_id": "3iaplp"}, {"question": "how do i stop being an asshole?", "description": "ok, so i'm an asshole. i've come to terms with that, but i would like to not be as much of an asshole. it's affecting all of my relationships ( girlfriend , family, work, etc) . sometimes i try as hard as i can and i can pull of being nice for hours at a time , but i end up going back to habits reeeeeaaallly quick. its driving my girlfriend crazy most of all because i go from happy to \" talking to her like she's 2\" and being an asshole in no time at all , then( girlfriend , family, work, etc) . sometimes i try as hard as i can and i can pull of being nice for hours at a time , but i end up going back to habits reeeeeaaallly quick. its driving my girlfriend crazy most of all because i go from happy to \" talking to her like she's 2\" and being an asshole in no time at all , then i'm right back to happy like it never happened. not sure if its related but it seems when i drink a couple of energy drinks in a much more enjoyable person to be around....? help!!!!\rtldr: i'm an asshole and want to change but don't know how..", "answer": "people aren't usually jerks right out of the blue, outside of obvious mental illness or brain injury. usually people go off when they're under pressure of some kind and feel threatened or misunderstood. try analyzing the circumstances where you're getting this feedback -- but limit this analysis to *your own feelings* instead of external events. try to come up with something along the lines of: when i feel x i tend to do y. own those feelings, and work on doing less when you feel them-- or ideally, voicing them in as calm a manner as you can manage.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "23arly", "comment_id": "23arly"}, {"question": "i think my psychiatrist is withholding diagnoses. do i have a legal right to know?", "description": "i live in ontario, canada.  i was seeing a therapist for a while who said she thought i had schizophrenia. since she isn't qualified to diagnose (and i've got a bunch of other shit that needs actual treatment), she referred me to a psychiatrist. i saw him once. he asked me if i thought i had ocd, to which i said no. he didn't say anything about schizophrenia.  i met with my gp a bit later and she told me she had spoken with him and under his advice, prescribed me seroquel, which is primarily used to treat bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which i've been diagnosed with.  i also saw when my gp was looking through his notes on her computer that he wrote \"...probably because of the ptsd.\" he never said anything about ptsd to me either.   do i have a legal right to know if i've been diagnosed with something? i asked my gp to see that document and she told me i'd need consent from the psychiatrist because it's his private documents, but that doesn't feel right because it's something that was written about me.", "answer": "i can't speak on the legalities of your psychiatrist sharing your diagnoses with you, as i'm in the us.    seroquel is also used to treat depression.  even if it wasn't, a lot of medications are prescribed for conditions that may not be listed (off-label usage).    as an aside, you should feel comfortable enough with your psychiatrist to engage in a discussion about your diagnoses.  knowing what you're diagnosed with can be validating for some people, as it gives a name to what you're experiencing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e38hm8", "comment_id": "e38hm8"}, {"question": "pretty sure i'm insane and i'm going to die alone. i need help, advice, anything.", "description": "i'm about to sound insane but please believe me i'm aware of it. also, i'll pathetically ask for you guys not judge me too hard or mock me.  i have depression and anxiety. it was kept in check for a long while, then in 2012 i started a relationship when i knew i shouldn't have, and my mental health began deteriorating again. through 2012 to 2015 i was in hell, and my partner of course left me. i then fell into this huge breakup depression coupled with the clinical depression i carry with me all the time. end of 2016, i decided to put an end to this struggle, and began to let go of everything that was hurting me. it worked, i felt like myself again, like the me before 2012. except i wasn't.  for some reason, while i am feeling better than i was, my anxiety has increased out of nowhere. i keep finding things to worry about: my pets health, my parents health, if someone i love doesn't answer the phone, i think tragedy right away and get frentic and call until they pick up, if my pets prefer to go to sleep instead of playing with me, i think they're sick or they hate me even though i know they're fine and healthy, but i keep driving myself crazy over it. before them, i lost two pets out of nowhere and it scarred me forever, so i know when i see my current pets that fear just comes back.  my point is: i'm scared of losing the ones i love, and after being left by the man i was in love with, this fear only increased.  that's not so bad, right? it's unhealthy but hey, it's part of the illness. okay.  now here's the part i tell you i'm sick to my stomach today and wanting to cry my eyes out because i found out that my favorite character's fate in a game was left in a twist ending and i won't know what happens until august because of a dlc that will explain the rest of the story. on top of that, they might have changed his model.  i am freaking out. i am scared of the possible outcomes for this character fate as if he's a real person. i am, of course, aware that he's not real, but it's gut wrenching and the wait is even worse.  here's the funny bit: i freaked out about the same thing back in 2012 when he starred in a game that year. 2012 was the year that i began falling apart.  i'm crying because i know this is insane and i swear i don't want to feel like this, but i am and i'm not understanding why. why am i so attatched? why am i feeling like this? i need something, anything. people around me are asking me questions, why am i so upset? and the thing is, i cry about the character and then i cry about everything's that has gone wrong in my life so far.  i tried booking a session but they told me to try next month. i don't know what to do. please, any kind soul who can maybe explain to me why i'm so messed up why a character means this much, anyone who can offer me a way to get over this, i'll take it. i'm going insane. ", "answer": "i'll preface this by saying two very important things:  1. try again to schedule an appointment. if there are no openings at the counseling center you have tried, look into another center.   2. there is no such thing as \"insane.\" there's clinically depressed and anxious, a diagnosis i concur with, but \"insane\" isn't a thing in the world of clinical psychology and counseling. so don't worry about that.  you started out by saying that you are depressed and anxious. have you been formally diagnosed? it's not really that important other than for insurance purposes, but it can help to explain your symptoms.   you're simply manifesting your anxiety in places you haven't before. coping techniques can help here, so if you have ever sought help from a counselor or psychologist before, the things they taught you will help.   some things that pretty much every clinician worth their salt will tell you as well: focus on the big three. sleep, diet, exercise. do your best to get a full night's sleep and practice good [sleep hygiene](WEBLINK). eat healthy foods and stay within your daily recommended calorie intake. and make sure you're getting enough exercise, even if it's just taking a walk. getting those three things in order can really help with anxiety and mood disturbance. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5r872o", "comment_id": "5r872o"}, {"question": "[25/f]my fiance [24/m] thinks i'm cheating on him.", "description": "he saw a hickey on the back of my neck that he swears up and down he didn't do. he's the only man in my 10 years of dating that has left hickeys on me, but because he doesn't remember doing this one he swears i am cheating on him. i literally would have no time to cheat even if i wanted to which i don't. i have two little kids, i work from 8 to 5 and come straight home to make dinner and help kids with hw and get them ready for bed etc. he doesn't take any of that into consideration, just says he knows i cheated on him. i am so frustrated because i know i'm innocent. what the fuck do i do?!?", "answer": "tell him: \"you either trust me or you don't.  if you don't, we might as well call it quits\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dhj7r", "comment_id": "6dhj7r"}, {"question": "what kind of doctor should i see for issues related to mood, anxiety, lethargy and energy levels?", "description": "i need help in determining what kind of doctor to go see. aside from wellness checkups and physicals required to be a bsa leader, i have not had to visit a doctor in 15 years. (last visit was in 2001 for chemical pneumonia from exposure to chlorine bleach).  for the past 6 months my energy levels have been up and down, i excercise 3 to 4 times weekly (weights, cycling and yoga). sometimes my energy level is low, even when i exercise, but often picks back up.  the worst is the accompanying anxiety, lack of focus. (some days i zone out at work and get absolutely nothing done.) some days of complete hopelessness and despair while some days are care free.  it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me this year and i think it may have to do with cutting out meat from my diet 6 months ago. i spoke with my mother about it and she said she recently had a chrmosome test done and she is deficient in the genes the methylate folate and b12, so she is on some kind of meds to see if that helps with her anxiety and depression (she has battled both for 30 years). she suggested that i should get the test also. i'm not convinced yet that epegentics focus is the way to approach this since it's very new research and practice. but i wanted to get an idea of what kind of doctor i should seek in order to begin discovery of what's going on.  age 38 sex m  height 5'11\" weight 230 race white duration of complaint - 6 months ", "answer": "first a gp, to exclude any common medical conditions, then a psychiatrist (like me!)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "51m8t5", "comment_id": "51m8t5"}, {"question": "ocd personality change", "description": "does anyone see their personalities changing - or their sense of identity - from ocd? my ocd was always there, but got very very bad during college. long story short, there was about 3.5 year period where my mind was gone. a specific year of that, i would say i was damn near out of my mind. since then i've been getting treatment and have come a long way, but i notice i'm just...different. i'm much more mystical and into spiritual religious things and signs. not ocd, i can tell the difference, but from being lost in obsessions for so long it feels like i now want the whole world to be more magical or of a different nature. i used to not be like this at all. i also want to cut across my face. no idea why, doesn't feel like an obsession because i actually want to do it, it just feels like i was gone for so long in this ocd-reality that now that i'm back i'm a little off.", "answer": "my reaction to the first half: we grow and develop as people and our interests, passions, and  beliefs will mature and shift as we grow older and have different experiences. this is likely compounded by your efforts in therapy-- no one goes through a bunch of therapy without meaningful change and growth.  reaction to last two sentences: whoh! that will need more explanation, and is worth discussing with your therapist as soon as possible. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "823249", "comment_id": "823249"}, {"question": "do therapists stay in contact with their clients after therapy?", "description": "heyo,   the question is a littlebit weird without the context, but i just have this question and i didn't had the courage to ask my therapist it yet.    i've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years to deal with mdd and ptsd. my therapist and i have a somewhat 'close' therapist-client relationship, but i'm not really experienced with that, so i don't know if it's really closer or not.  my problem is, as therapy is getting closer to the end, i really don't know what to do without her. the weekly sessions have kept me on track and got me back on track when it was very rough.  soo to the question: do you have experienced (as clients) that you've kept contact with your therapist after therapy ended?    or: do you (as a therapist) kept contact with some of your clients?  i really don't know how much i should write here and with how much of it i'm comfortable with, but this question has been bugging me for quite a while. i'd be really grateful for some opinions or experiences. :)", "answer": "you don\u2019t have to go from weekly to nothing. you can drop back to every two weeks then every month then, like the comment above, every few months.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ee4ae2", "comment_id": "ee4ae2"}, {"question": "lamotrigine and blurred vision", "description": "a few months ago, a psychiatrist put me on lamotrigine for general anxiety disorder. i started out on 25mg per day.  within days, i noticed my blood pressure had gone down. my anxious thoughts felt more rational. i was pretty thrilled with the results.  the dosage increased to 50mg, and then 75mg. to be honest, i noticed no difference in feeling better at all. however, i did feel like my vision was a little blurred.  i\u2019ve been on 75mg per day for maybe five weeks now. particularly for a week now, my vision just won\u2019t seem to focus. my eyes are sore, often upon waking up in the morning. things just look blurry in general. i had an eye exam not that long ago (maybe six months). things were looking good, my glasses prescription was the same it\u2019s been for a decade.  i am uninsured and have no direct access to a doctor. so any feedback would be super appreciated:  1. does it sound like my vision issue is caused by lamotrigine?  2. if so, is that permanent damage? or would my vision likely return to normal if i stopped taking lamotrigine?  3. is it even possible that 25mg would have helped within days? or was that a placebo effect? after researching it a good bit, 25mg sounds like an incredibly small dosage.  thanks so much for your time. here\u2019s to hoping my vision isn\u2019t ruined.  37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. this has been noticeable since increasing lamotrigine, and is effecting my eyesight. i\u2019ve been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. i\u2019m currently taking 75mg of lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of propranolol as needed. i don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked. ", "answer": "blurry vision is one of the relatively common side effects from lamotrigine, and if it\u2019s stuck around for months it probably won\u2019t go away with more waiting. i\u2019ve never seen permanent side effects from lamotrigine but i don\u2019t know how or why it causes this particular effect.  an immediate response to 25 mg sounds unlikely, so it could be placebo effect, but it also could be a \u201creal\u201d pharmacological effect. that\u2019s one of the unknowables of medicine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9m636k", "comment_id": "9m636k"}, {"question": "7m child holding breath", "description": "hello!  my 7m son will breathe in, hold for 5 seconds, give a grunt on exhale followed by a couple shallow breaths, then repeat. he isn't aware that he is doing it and we notice it the most when he is relaxing. the doctor isn't sure and no testing has been completed in the last year since mentioned.   i have an o2 monitor due to asthma (myself), and placed it on his finger for about 3 minutes to make sure he wasn't struggling for air and watch for any changes. his o2 remains steady at 97, heartrate fluctuated up and down between 70-90. today he had complaints of feeling dizzy when standing.   do you have any ideas or suggestions of what could be behind his breathing pattern?  for more information - he is 52 inches tall and slim. his medication consists of a multivitamin and tylenol as needed.   thank you for your time!", "answer": "you say he isn't aware he's doing it. is he aware at all while he's doing it? how often is he doing it? it sounds like not so often that his doctor has observed it, or if observed it wasn't particularly notable. how long has this been going on?  can he control it? a strange breathing pattern can be a tic. that's potentially treatable, but it only needs to be treated if it bothers your son.  an absence seizure or simple partial seizure could account for it, but it's not a classic seizure and not what i would first jump to.  or it could be just an absent-minded habit and no particular significance.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "juz4xr", "comment_id": "juz4xr"}, {"question": "nearly 4 years sober, experiencing relapse behavior", "description": "   tl;dr my life is upside down, i'm afraid i'm going to relapse, and i have forgotten why i got sober in the first place.   due to covid19, my life has changed drastically. in a short three months i had to leave my independent life at a uc, lost a job with the university, got out of a relationship, moved back in with my parents, started taking care of my younger siblings, and basically lost all ability to see my friends. initially my anxiety about everything was so bad that i got prescribed ativan, which i used maybe once a week. this may have triggered some relapse behavior.     recently, i've been thinking about smoking cigarettes again and drinking. i have never in my life been sober for this long but because the world seems to be crashing around me, it doesn't seem worth much if that makes sense. i have been passively suicidal for awhile so it makes sense that i feel this way. i don't know what i'm looking for, but i think i needed to write this out. thanks for hearing me. advice is welcome.", "answer": "i go to two zoom meetings a day, and i\u2019m sober 41 years. not drinking today is the most important thing that i\u2019ll ever do. if i were to drink, i\u2019d be risking turning into a very destructive person. i\u2019d hurt myself and everyone i know. because i\u2019m an alcoholic not drinking is a very serious matter. i accept that i need help to maintain my sobriety. the good news is the effort to work the program yields benefits beyond abstinence. read aa\u2019 promises.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "gittfw", "comment_id": "gittfw"}, {"question": "constant bloodwork", "description": "hey guys.  so i was wondering if it was normal for a doctors office to want to do bloodwork almost every time they see you. i would say that out of the 10 most recent visits i have had to my pcp, 7 of them required bloodwork.  now they are withholding my medications because they want me to do bloodwork before i meet my new pcp.  age: 29 sex: male height: 6'3 weight: 308 conditions: anxiety, depression, gout, and hv2. medications: acyclovir  i'm in desperate need of my acyclovir, and have been completely out for a week. is it normal for so much bloodwork? is there a way i can get my medication?", "answer": "have you asked them why? also you have the right to request your medical records.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "d40b9m", "comment_id": "d40b9m"}, {"question": "personal devices and relationships", "description": "bf and i have been together almost a year and i've noticed that i give him privacy with his devices..computer, phone ect but it seems like he feels my devices are open to him. he'll grab my phone and just serf the net or look at a pic but i wouldn't do that to him. i wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. we don't share passwords because he said early on that phones are private devices and he says that doesn't mean he has anything to hide he just likes his privacy. he will leave his phone around me unattended. i would never snoop through his stuff. is this weird or a red flag? generally everything else is fine. ", "answer": "tell him to stop, and if he doesn't, the relationship is in big trouble", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6da0ug", "comment_id": "6da0ug"}, {"question": "throbbing ovaries after eating sugar?", "description": "i have to question myself if this is really happening. i have diagnosed pcos and try to stay low carb. seems like every time i have a high carb meal my ovaries start throbbing afterwards. does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "yes especially worse the longer i\u2019m without it and then have some. my body\u2019s like skkkkrrrrtttt", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "ee8733", "comment_id": "ee8733"}, {"question": "non-alcoholic kahl\u00faa", "description": "does anyone know if kahl\u00faa makes a non-alcoholic drink? if, unfortunately not, does anyone know a brand of non-alcoholic coffee liqueur?", "answer": "bailey's makes a non-alcoholic irish cream that you can buy at most grocery stores.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "4vas4n", "comment_id": "4vas4n"}, {"question": "what to expect from a first time \"psychiatric consult\" referral from my medical doctor? already on meds and done cbt.", "description": "- age: 30 - sex: male - height: 5'10\" - weight: 252 - race: white - duration of complaint: 4-5 years - location (geographic and on body): usa midatlantic - any existing relevant medical issues (if any): depression, anxiety, add - current medications (if any): escitalopram - generic lexapro - (20 mg), vyvanse (50 mg), and zolpidem - generic ambien - (10 mg)  hello,  my medical doctor wrote me a referral for a \"psych consult\" to a local psychiatric office and i was wondering what to expect/where it goes from here.  the details are as follows, but i can provide more if needed:  - on ssri, vyvanse, and zolpidem (ambien) - diagnosed with depression, anxiety, add - seen significant improvement, but still have low energy, low/no sex drive, sometimes feeling like \"nothing really matters\"/ no motivation, and some brief periods of sadness. - already on medication, did cbt (10 weeks 4 years ago), and life is generally functional, but not great. - about 4 years ago, i gained 62 pounds (5'10\" and went from ~190 to 250) and started binge eating 2 or 3 days a week. the other 4-5 days i eat very healthy, but the binge days are bad. this never happened before until about 4 years ago.  main doctor wants me to go to the consult to just see what she says. no explicit goals or other instructions.  i don't have the ability to leave work frequently for therapy or frequent visits and would prefer not to do that, but i don't want the psych to think that i am against treatment, fishing for more meds, hostile, or whatever.  so, if i've already done cbt, am on meds, and in a stable, but not amazing situation, then what is the likely outcome or path forward i should expect from the psych or my main doctor?  thanks", "answer": "it probably isn't a good idea to go see a doctor where you don't want anything and it's not clear what someone else wants either.  that said, it also sounds like things are better than they were but definitely not all fine. that's probably what your doctor is looking for\u2014some help getting things from kind of okay to really fine. a good psychiatrist may have thoughts about your remaining symptoms, possible medication side effects, and where to try to improve on things from here.  psychiatrists are also well aware that the time commitment for therapy is unworkable for many people even leaving aside problems of insurance.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8bqnfc", "comment_id": "8bqnfc"}, {"question": "adhd-pi, food allergies, ibs, anxiety, nearly all stims wire me up, what's wrong with me?", "description": "[6'3\", 190 lbs, 37 year old male, western washington area, taking adderall ir 10mg 3x day for adhd-pi. also taking benadryl 50mg and melatonin 6mg for sleep]  i'm at my wits end. i've been trying to get to the root of my health issues for the last ~10 years and have made some progress, but i still feel pretty shitty and i'm losing hope fast. does anyone have any idea what's going on? would appreciate any (constructive) input / theories. have seen multiple doctors, a couple of specialists (autoimmune), but no one has any conclusive evidence to help me.   summary: adhd-pi (clinically diagnosed), multiple food sensitivities (gluten, dairy, random things like bananas and asparagus), sensitivity to meds (e.g. tried blood pressure meds like intuniv and clonodine to help with stimulant anxiety but feel super groggy, even at super low doses) and methylated vitamins (low dose methylfolate makes me anxious as hell, active b6 makes me super drowsy), mthfr (homozygous mthfr a1298c, mtr a2756g, and bhmt-02), ibs until i stopped gluten and dairy (mainly very gassy), still rears its ugly head now and then. long-acting adhd meds make me feel super jittery / wired, short-acting are tolerable but i still don't feel great. labs (e.g. tsh, cbc diff, metabolic panel) come back more or less normal, vitamin levels (e.g. magnesium, b vitamins) were low until i started supplementing despite eating very healthy. i'm currently taking adderall ir 10 mg 3x day and that's it...no vitamins or anything else.   details:  * clinical diagnosis of adhd-pi: was always the spacey kid in class who daydreamed all day, ever since gradeschool. tested bright but not meeting potential. intermittent bouts of hyperactivity and impulsiveness. started taking prescribed stimulants in college, helped with concentration but had a lot of side effects (primarily anxiety), even on low doses. tried all different kinds but not much difference (i.e. ritalin sr and la, concerta, focalin, adderall ir and xr, vyvanse, dexedrine ir and er, evekeo). long-acting were a lot stronger than short-acting, i would feel strung out all day on long acting but could manage on short-acting. thought maybe it was a stomach issue but vyvanse isn't supposed to be impacted by stomach acid and it wired me up more than adderall xr. also tried bp meds to help with stim anxiety (i.e. kapvay aka clonodine and intuniv aka tenex), i felt a lot better but had blurry vision and was very drowsy so borderline non-functional. still not sure why this happens, seems pretty atypical?   * social anxiety suddenly hit around 5th grade..remember suddenly feeling anxious and wondering why i was self-conscious around other people. seemed to come out of the blue and never really went away. not sure if this points to a biological change?   * ibs (frequent gassiness) started in high school and continues to this day. diet changes have helped some (mainly no gluten and dairy) but it still comes and goes. it's a lot better now but it was to the point in college where i had to leave multiple times during a 1 hour lecture to fart and considered quitting school.   * sensitive to meds: typical things that you can take to help reduce stimulant side-effects (e.g. intuniv, blood pressure meds) nearly put me to sleep. tried 1/2mg intuniv for a few weeks and get super drowsy, blurred vision, and can barely function. tried clonodine and propranolol and am so drowsy i almost fall asleep, still feel some residual effects the next day. taking a claritin 10 mg helps when food allergies flare up, but i'm borderline non-functional for a day since i'm so drowsy and out-of-it.   * homozygous mthfr a1298c, mtr a2756g, and bhmt-02: i know, this is probably junk science, but i was eager for an answer  so i took the 23andme test...tried taking low dosage of methylfolate (400 mcg), felt wired and anxious within 30 minutes. regular folic acid makes me wired and apathetic. tried taking low dose of active b6 (20 mg), after a few days i feel super drowsy and can barely function. on the flip side, regular b6 (~10 mg) makes me feel super wired and anxious.   * gluten and dairy sensitive - stopped both a few years ago and felt significantly better within a few days (greatly reduced jitteriness / impulsivity / muscle pain / anxiety / moodiness / and improved digestive symptoms). i never had any of the classic food intolerance issues e.g. hives, the shits, would mainly have gas, anxiety, increased impulsivity, moodiness, sensitive to hot and cold, and fatigue. when i was taking adhd meds (adderall) and ssris during this time i felt borderline manic at times, like my neurotransmitters were going into overdrive. read through macs (mast cell activation syndrome) symptoms and they fit pretty well when i was still eating gluten.   * suspected bipolar because of the difficulty with mood and impulsivity and feeling borderline manic at times before i quit gluten when i was taking adhd meds and ssris, tried nearly all of the mood stabilizers (e.g. lithium, lamictal) but nothing helped much  * got blood and stool testing after feeling better from stopping gluten/dairy and had some strange food allergies e.g. onions, garlic, mushrooms. stool showed candida overgrowth, sibo, and low amounts of good stomach bacteria (not sure how relevant this is since it was from a naturopath). treated with antifungals / high dose probiotics, may have helped a little bit but nothing significant.   * also tested positive for giardia, treated with antibiotics. digestion didn't improve after treatment.  * got on ssris due to anxiety and to help with stimulant side-effects...calmed me down in some aspects but made me more anxious and pleasure-seeking in others. tried other ssris and some snris but nothing seemed to \"fit\" or feel right, always felt too anxious or apathetic or both. finally got off them after ~8 years since i didn't like the way i felt or how they interfered with my concentration, have been off them for nearly a year. anxiety and depression have come back but they're mostly situational (i.e. due to me dealing with health issues and not knowing what the root cause is) and manageable for now.   * stopped drinking 1 month ago (was having some whiskey on weekends, no beer/wine/cocktails), no improvements.  i've seen multiple adhd specialists, gps, and a couple of specialists (e.g. autoimmune) but my labs come back normal. i have no idea what's going on and could really use some advice since i'm starting to feel like there's no way out and i'll never get a handle on this. i'm starting to think maybe this is something like mast cell activation syndrome because nothing else fits and my doctor's agree that based on my symptoms and lack of reaction to treatment whatever i have seems pretty rare. any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "have you ever tried a really good course of evidence based psychotherapy (e.g. adherent cbt) for your anxiety?  anxiety and adhd together can be a real bitch, and stimulants can definitely worsen anxiety.  even when people have distressing somatic symptoms at the root of things, psychotherapy can help learn to cope with/tolerate them.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8ph73h", "comment_id": "8ph73h"}, {"question": "any young drinkers out there trying but failing to recover?", "description": "i'm 23, haven't even gone 24 hours without drinking. i went to work drunk the other day, got sent home, so embarrassed... every time i think i can go a week i go maybe two days. i find aa meetings very boring (do not mean to offend but was told i should be honest.) i feel awful both physically and mentally. it's so hard to avoid it with all my friends drinking \"normally\". maybe this would help more...seeing as how everything else i try fails. thanks for reading. =\\", "answer": "i'm 18 and i pick up 9 months tomorrow, despite the fact that every one i was friends with pre-sobriety drinks daily.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hula7", "comment_id": "1hula7"}, {"question": "looking for people willing to share their stories", "description": "hi! my name is matt, and i've had ocd for a few years but only got diagnosed with it about half a year ago. i was looking online for websites that provide support and information in a way that seems personal and community driven, though i couldn't seem to find many. i've decided to start a website and a youtube channel that's dedicated to helping people overcome ocd and help people know that they aren't the only people thinking how they think. i haven't launched it yet, but i'm sinking in money on hosting and the domain already. i thought that a great place to start would be reddit, where i could easily talk to people. i have a video idea where redditors could share their experiences with others, receiving full credit. if you want to, feel free to share your experiences below. if you do ill ask for your permission as to if i can use it, and when the video is made i'll give a link to you! thanks! ", "answer": "i dont have a story, but good luck with the project! ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "685ta1", "comment_id": "685ta1"}, {"question": "aa is a spiritual program", "description": "until i could find a power greater than myself i was always going to be lost.  34 years later, i have enjoyed a life i had never dreamed i could have.  don't give up on yourself, just set aside for a minute the self-managed life and be open to believe in a power greater than yourself, one of your own choosing!", "answer": "when i went to my first meeting 41 years ago, i saw the twelve steps and thought, \u201cthis can\u2019t work for me, i\u2019m not a believer.\u201d then i met a guy who told me that when the aa big book was first written a copy was given to various religious leaders for comment. the buddhist returned it and said they liked it but would change one word. they said that they would substitute the word good for the word god. i\u2019m glad that guy told me that because i knew my conception of goodness was distorted and i needed some new ideas. then i learned that i had to let go of the old ideas or the results would be nil until i let go absolutely. i never drank or used drugs since my first meeting, i never went to a detox or rehab and i was a very severe drinker, homeless, come out of blackout in jail or smashed up car drunk. since then i became interested in buddhist philosophy and learned that there are many parallels. the buddha taught that there is a way out of suffering. aa teaches there is a way out of suffering. in buddhism there are three jewels, the teachings (dharma), the followers of the teachings (sangha), and the buddha (the light within, the potential for  enlightenment). this exactly mirrors aa\u2019s the steps, the fellowship, and the higher power. buddhism offers a noble eightfold path as a way   out of suffering. aa offers the twelve steps as a way out of suffering. buddhism has the brahma viharas as the qualities that you must develop. they are kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. aa says that love and service are the keys to freedom and working the steps puts you on the best possible terms with everyone you know. i\u2019m not a buddhist but i do acknowledge the similarities.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "e8rbir", "comment_id": "e8rbir"}, {"question": "why do therapists participate in this thread?", "description": "after spending so much time at work it's surprising you do extra work for free. it's very kind but i'm just wondering why :)", "answer": "we\u2019re natural born helpers who do the work we do because of this. it\u2019s my passion and what i love to do so this is a way to help (within reason - i\u2019m not giving therapy via reddit just answering questions or giving compassion and empathy). we have the experience and expertise to answer questions for folks who are wondering about going to therapy and what that\u2019s like. we also kind give people some support or resources they wouldn\u2019t have otherwise. also i think having people who are in the business that can answer questions about \u201cis this normal for my t to do\u201d is important because it\u2019s a way to help protect vulnerable people who might be in a situation that is legally or ethically questionable or give support in \u201cyes this is normal and here\u2019s why\u201d etc.    it\u2019s kind of like a artist who paints for their own enjoyment because it\u2019s their passion not just painting with the intent to make money. the only analogy i could think of atm so it\u2019s wobbly and i\u2019m sure can have holes punched through it but it\u2019s sort of accurate.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "egxrhx", "comment_id": "egxrhx"}, {"question": "started 10mg of lexapro a month ago, how much longer until i notice some benefits?", "description": "i haven't experienced and side effects nor any subtle affect on my depression or anxiety. does this mean this drug probably won't work for me? that i need a stronger dosage? or just need more time? perhaps i should ask about trying a different ssri? i mainly have strong anxiety problems. have been diagnosed with gad, but mainly have social anxiety and i'm quite certain i have undiagnosed bdd, and i've been diagnosed with mdd. not sure if different ssris work better with different disorders. i was thinking about asking to try prozac if i don't have luck with lexapro seeing as it's been around a lot longer.", "answer": "are you working with a general practitioner or a psychiatrist?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3foyfp", "comment_id": "3foyfp"}, {"question": "pcos and high tesosterone...just started minastrin...what are your experiences?", "description": "hi all!  i have been off bc for two years,and after my diagnosis of pcos (with high tesosterone in my blood test, a lovely cyst, and really irregular periods) i have started minastrin fe.   my question for yall, did anyone notice and differences in their body after the introduction of bc hormones? i know that everyone is different...but perhaps there are some commonalities?", "answer": "my impression is that ocps sort of mask the problem. they actually make insulin resistance worse and while they do decrease the risk of endometrial cancer because they allow your uterine lining to shed at least once every 3 months, it doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is the cruel cycle of excess fat --> excess estrogen and testosterone --> insulin resistance --> excess fat and so on. spironolactone is an anti-androgen so it will inhibit the conversion of inactive to more potent/active testosterone and possibly help your hirsutism (if you have hirsutism). ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3pmvma", "comment_id": "3pmvma"}, {"question": "i have no real friends. someone made any, after having none and as a grown up?", "description": "feeling like 30yr is too late.  the thing is - i have friends. i will be invited to several massive hangouts.  every single person i know has better stuff to do, people to meet with and etc. it's only by coincidence i get invited, after someone cancels.   people will cancel scheduled hangouts with me, being set by me mostly and i can't find a single person to be with me, just for having fun.  nothing else is going right. all i have in my life is money. no so, just a couple thousand dollars.  i have one dear friend, the first person to ever meet with me - but her budget and time are limited - and like anyone else in the world, i guess she would prefer other people for special occasions  (for example - i have a lot of \"invitations for two\" but no one to go with, and i'm sure no one else will think of me as his number two).      tl;dr how do i become the person people wants to hangout with and not just turn him over for the next girl in sight?   edit:  thank you. i will try to change my life.  better is coming.", "answer": "i would recommend the [start](WEBLINK) book. it's focus is more on starting to do work that matters to you, but honestly it's helpful for any kind of significant life change. it has some really useful advice for getting started on changing your life for the better, and it talks a lot about the fear of \"now is too late\" (hint: it's never too late!)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1fepic", "comment_id": "1fepic"}, {"question": "how normal are violent thoughts on preteens/young teens?", "description": "i had a phase in which i had kinda violent thoughts. this started when i was around 11 and faded away slowly when i was like 16. i would think about killing my family (who i'm really close to), stabbing people, killing people at school, pushing them off balconies, sometimes torture them, setting places on fire, hurting animals (this is the only one that made me feel guilty). i distinctly remember wanting to push a pregnant teacher down the stairs, because she could lose her baby and she would suffer from it. i don't think they were intrusive thoughts because i used to carefully plan those things and i felt satisfaction out of it, i liked the thought of seeing someone scared, feeling that power over them. i also had thoughts about wanting to jump off buildings, but i didn't exactly wanted to kill myself. and i remember feeling constantly angry.  i never acted on it, of course, but i used to threat people a lot, draw and write disturbing things. they faded away by themselves without any intervention, so, in my head and based on the kind of people i got along with (i was in a catholic school and most of us were there because we were kinda problematic) i thought it was just a phase and it was normal for a kid that age, but now my brother is 12 and he seems so mentally stable, so it made me question how normal actually this is. i've been diagnosed with panic disorder and slight depression, but i suspect adhd, if that's important. i had it so normalised and i recently got a realization, like \"its probably not that normal\".  as it's been some years now i would probably ask my psychiatrist but since we're on quarantine, my last appointment was on march, so i would like to hear your thoughts about it. thanks!  tldr; i used to feel pleasure out if thinking about hurting people and i thought it was because i was a teen but i want to know if it's actually \"normal\". i'm already in therapy, i'm just curious.", "answer": "i haven't evaluated or treated you, so i can't say anything for sure. however,  since you said this resolved itself with age and no intervention and because you never acted on these thoughts (aside from threars)  i suspect it may be related to poor access to coping skills and little control over your life as a kid.   kids often have no control over external circumstances and may not be taught or modeled internal coping . so,  if your only way to self sooth and feel in control was to imagine these violent scenes,  then it makes sense .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hundm6", "comment_id": "hundm6"}, {"question": "advice on x-ray performed by chiropractor", "description": "age:30 sex:male height:6 ft 0 in race: white duration:on and off for about 5 years.  location: lower back pain that will radiate to upper leg.  WEBLINK  i went to the chiropractor, i've been dealing with on and off again lower back pain for 5 years now. previously it only flared up when i over exerted myself lifting or exercising too hard. well i've been driving a lot longer distances for work(i work outside walking around in sand and uneven surfaces) this has been causing the back pain to be near constant during the week. the pain is manageable rarely more than a 5 only a few times in the last 5 years has it caused me to be laid up and unable to do much of anything(less than 3 times). so being fed up with being in pain i decided to go to the chiropractors office, he took 2 x-rays and the front x-ray shows that my l5 is not in alignment. he says he can fix it but to me a vertebrae that is rotated requires more serious medicine. any advice is welcome, should i seek a spine specialist?", "answer": "it's strange, because even i (a psychiatrist) can tell this looks normal. another warning about the use of chiropractors.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5xhg2j", "comment_id": "5xhg2j"}, {"question": "tell me this is what i need to be happy. .", "description": "my boyfriend and i have been in a 3 year long relationship and i think i'm calling quits. he broke up with me back in feb. over guilt for cheating on me with a coworker at the time.  claims it was nothing physical but i'll never know so i took him back after he left me. months have gone by and nothing is  the same.  i love him but i think i've given up on trying. we are not going anywhere and he constantly disrespects my mother. she has done a lot for him but he seems to no be able to control his anger around her and he disrespects her. his parents have always been assholes to me but i've never disrespected them or their household.  even when his dad yelled at me,  i backed up, put my hands up,  and apologized for something that i did not do. i'm not happy.  i've already got so much shit in my life that's dragging me down that i feel that this is too much. i love him but it's not the same. i feel we'd both be better off apart. ", "answer": "yeah....it's over. move on. be happy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kuq0j", "comment_id": "6kuq0j"}, {"question": "over 7 months alcohol free, want to pass on what i've learnt & help i still need...please", "description": "hi all, just want to start by saying this app has been a big factor in getting me to my longest stretch a/f since i was 18, i'm now 48. have posted a couple of times & the responses have been so helpful. binge drinker for 30 years, mainly weekends, couldn't stop until everything in the house was drunk or the bar shut. would then try & get extra beer anyway i could, found a takeaway that also delivered alcohol, lethal! typical week, drink friday & saturday feel crappy til tuesday, start feeling better wednesday thinking about beer again thursday. repeat. the list of positives since quitting have all been listed on this app many many times, they are all 100% correct. feel better, richer, brighter, dry skin gone, better relationships and on and on the list is endless. my 3 boys telling me how proud & how tolerant and relaxed i am, is amazing. hard parts;  for me, telling drinking buddies of 30 years was the hardest. to get round this, i told my best mate first & then news spread. nobody really cared to my amazement and relief. how can i never drink again, ever. i just took one day at a time, fill your trigger times (mine was 5-7 friday's and saturdays) with other activities. walks, cinema etc;  best thing i learnt from this app; fast forward to the next day. amazing advice, never forget the shit hangover feeling. here's where i need your help again. i'm getting complacent, the old moderation feelings are surfacing, however deep down i know i can't. got a few days at the cricket where i'm normally plastered. any help would be appreciated.  thanks for listening & i hope i've helped if only a little. cheers", "answer": "hi. well done. in relation to the cricket game...drive, drive others, food. also, could you volunteer at the game or help in some way, then your part of it but safer. im always thinking of ways to stay involved in social events where drinking is a focus, but not drinking myself. good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8ir0ov", "comment_id": "8ir0ov"}, {"question": "worried doctor won't believe me", "description": "so yesterday i went to a doctor at a walk in clinic. i told them i was having depression and anxiety and that it was pretty bad. they told me i needed blood work done and an ecg, they prescribed me sleeping pills instead of antidepressants. is this normal? i had a friend who went and the doctor gave him antidepressants that same day and they didn't need a ecg.   i just want to know if this is normal or if maybe they do not believe me or misdiagnosed me.   thanks.  ", "answer": "it differs from doctor to doctor.  if you're experiencing depression and anxiety, especially if it's onset is fairly recent and it's severe, most good doctors want to try to rule out medical issues first.  there are so many medical issues that can contribute to depression, anxiety, mood swings, etc. that no anti-depressant or therapy is going to solve and may cause more serious health problems if left untreated ie. thyroid issues, untreated diabetes, severe vitamin/mineral deficiencies, etc.  while most patients would prefer to have the doctor that just writes them a script, i think taking these steps are probably in your best interest.  lastly, if you're experiencing depression/anxiety and medical issues have been ruled out,  you'll most likely benefit much more from therapy or therapy w/psych meds than you would from psych meds alone.     ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9r0kl0", "comment_id": "9r0kl0"}, {"question": "[34/female] stuck in relationship with [36/male] with intimacy issues possibly related to attachment disorder?", "description": "so i have been together with my partner for 3 years now. we have been living together for 1,5 years. since last may we are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy. and now the bad part: since the start of our relationship we have been facing issues with intimacy, which in the beginning mainly manifested as issues with libido/sex. i felt that my libido was higher (though not insanely high, like once a week would suffice) than my partners libido. he would hardly ever initiate sex or intimacy, even though he did claim to want and enjoy it. somehow the drive to actually initiate wasn't there, so i would be the one to do so, which resulted in a hit or miss kind of thing. sometimes it would work out well, other times i would feel we were on different planets and he just wasn't interested in intimacy at all. this confuses me because at start of our dating, things were definitely on fire. we didn't have sex for a good couple of months, but there was so much foreplay that we both really enjoyed it. i do remember him being hesitant with crossing the line to actual intercourse saying: his libido tended to dwindle after that in previous relationships and that he was scared it would turn out that way. and then it did turn out that way.   we now have a son, 3 months old, and still having te same kind of issue but it seems to be getting worse. we haven't had sex in over a year. during my pregnancy, he was so blocked from any kind of sexual feeling towards me, that we just gave up. he said it made him feel awkward having his d#$% so close to a baby that it messed with his head too much. i accepted this, and thought it would get better after birth. it hasn't gotten better. we have zero intimacy, and it's not just lack of sex it's lack of everything: we hardly sleep in the same bed/room, hardly cuddle, never kiss, don'' share any kind of deeper emotional stuff and i feel like i'm losing my mind because of it. it's so lonely it's becoming unbearable for me. so last week this situation came to a climax. we laid out all our cards on the table. i told him i can't keep living like this, and want to find a solution. maybe even open up our relationship to have sex with other people. he is against the idea. doesn't want to share me with anyone. he finally opens up to me, because the thought of sharing is scary i guess and forces him to open up, saying that he thinks he might have an attachment disorder. saying he finds it scary to be intimate with me, and that he has had this issue in previous relationships. the longer the relationships last, the more he retreats in every imaginable way. he gets depressive feelings from time to time, probably because of lack of emotional connections with people, but always felt that this was just in his nature. kinda being wired this way. however now that his son is born, he's finding out how natural it is for him to show him affection and love, which surprised him and makes him think that maybe it's not the way he is wired, but there is an underlying attachment issue. he grew up in an environment in which his dad had troubles showing affection (his father's father was an extreme narcissist) and he used my partner's vulnerabilities against him in arguments. my partner believes that maybe this is the root of his issues of being scared to show his vulnerabilities and be truly intimate with a partner. he also told me that in previous relationships he lost respect for his partners because he would see them getting less and less affection from him and settling for this. he would lose respect and wonder: why the fuck would you let someone treat you this way. the flipside of this is when a partner pressures him too much, he retreats even more because he can't handle the pressure.   so i am at a loss here. this has turned from a sex-issue into opening my eyes and actually wondering if we ever really had an intimate connection. do i really know my partner, and have we really ever connected intimately? i don't know how long i can keep living like this, and i am losing part of myself in this relationship, settling for less and less and scared of what it will turn out to be if i keep accepting this for myself. i feel like the emotionlessness is rubbing off on me, and i am becoming a zombie-like person going through the motions but totally neglecting my own needs and feelings. also feel like a piece of shit every time i see him giving love and affection to our child, but having none of these feelings for me :-(. it's not a good feeling. does anyone have similar experiences with someone with similar issues, and does therapy help? how do i prevent myself from losing myself in this situation if he keeps refusing to get help?   __ tl;dr: my [34/female] boyfriend [36] of 3 years and father of our 3 month old child can't show intimacy or affection to me because of possible childhood trauma/neglect/attachment issues and it is affecting our relationship. doubting if we ever really had an intimate connection. is therapy an answer, or should i get out? how do i get him motivated to get help?", "answer": "therapy is always an answer. he has to be committed and motivated. couple therapy would expedite the process.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xz5zn", "comment_id": "6xz5zn"}, {"question": "off my tablets.", "description": "sooo. after being declared a few things i had a little lapse in taking my daily meds. then i started to feel closer and closer to taking them again. but then i carved up my shoulder like the old days and all the old parts of me where unblocked. now i know i should go back on the meds. i know it is dangerous to me and possibly others. i have to go to the doctors on thursday. should i tell them i am off then. my therapist noticed a huge difference in me and my behaviours. but she is gone for another 2 weeks and that's freaking me out. she is gonna be hella pissed i missed over a weeks worth. just kinda needing someone to talk to right now. and someone to tell me i need to stop being a idiot. i just really like hurting myself and feel it might get out of control again.", "answer": "yes telling your doctor would be a good idea. your doctor and therapist want to help you, and without you being honest, it's harder for them to help. i know it might be scary given you've self harmed recently and you are noticing a difference in how you feel, but they will be able to advise you on what to do next.   you may have stopped taking your medications in the last week, but you have the ability now to recognize how it's affecting you and seek out the help you want to get back on track. it sounds like things were in a better place while you were consistent with your medication; time to focus on returning to that   given that your therapist saw a difference in your behavior last time she saw you, did she do any safety planning with you? if so, now might be a good time to whip that out and review it, if you feel like you may be in danger at some point.   you can do this!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cvqoyt", "comment_id": "cvqoyt"}, {"question": "should i tell my girlfriend i enjoy gay porn?", "description": "so first off, this has been something ive been struggling with internally for quite a bit. not because i think i may be gay, not because im uncomfy with the fact that i do enjoy gay porn, but because i dont know how she will react to this. i am confident in my sexuality, i know that i am straight, but i cant help but enjoy gay porn (along with straight porn, which is what i mainly view). and i know im not the only one, which is evident by a quick google, but to explain it quickly, i'd say i enjoy it simply because i enjoy thinking of the way gay sex feels. im fairly into anal play with myself and my gf as well(for her, for me, etc.) and i believe that there is nothing wrong with any of that. the way i see it is, if i was made this way biologically, to enjoy the feeling of something in my ass, then why would it be gay to do those things? im not so concerned with labels however as i am with just how she'd react, we have had a light discussion on what it means to be gay recently, and she agreed with my whole outlook on this subject to a degree. i just dont want her to feel like i'd ever have any chance of being attracted to a guy, because i am not in any way, nor could i ever be. i dont want to add to her worries of girls and whatnot, and i feel like theres a possibility she could freak out if i told her, also because i've been \"hiding\" this for so long. any advice or tips would be appreciated, thanks.", "answer": "if you enjoy gay porn, then there are some gay feelings inside you that should be explored, perhaps with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68rlu0", "comment_id": "68rlu0"}, {"question": "how do i motivate myself to keep losing weight?", "description": "i started at about 305 in february and i\u2019m at about 230 right now. i was doing okay but i really haven\u2019t lost any weight since the beginning of november, this is mainly due to me losing a lot of the motivation to keep losing weight. i always told myself that i\u2019d be attractive once i lost weight but i don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be true anymore, i just feel so disappointed and defeated that it\u2019s hard to convince myself to go to the gym or be super strict about counting my calories.   i haven\u2019t gained any weight because i really don\u2019t want to go back to being that big but it just feels so pointless to keep trying when i\u2019m not going to be attractive when i\u2019m skinnier anyways. i don\u2019t know how to convince myself to lose the weight because it would be nice to be at a healthy weight for the first time in my life, but i just can\u2019t find a reason to keep doing it.   ill appreciate any advice you can throw my way", "answer": "check out r/loseit , they have a great community over there and i'm 100% sure you will find some people there who have been in similar situations.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "e8f3yv", "comment_id": "e8f3yv"}, {"question": "when's too early to move in?", "description": "my boyfriend (20/m) and i (19/f) have been dating about 6 months. while i'm not asking if it's too early now to move in together (as we both have some things we need to handle before that's a possibility) would this summer be too early? by july we would have been dating a year and if we moved in together, we could get (and afford) an apartment by both of our respective colleges. does this seem too early?", "answer": "if you're solid and committed that's fine", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kxre6", "comment_id": "5kxre6"}, {"question": "is this something women do?", "description": "long story short, women hate me. they have hated me my entire life. after 24 years i have gotten use to it. i get it that i am an ugly guy and i will get treated like shit by them. i have not had a female friend for about 12 years so i am new to this whole interacting with women thing especially in my adult life.   my \"friend\" does not want to hang out with me which is fine. i will always be her texting buddy. in the past she has abruptly stopped texting me. recently, i have tried not to get too involved in our conversation. every time i try to create some distance she finds a way to keep our conversation going. as soon as i invest into talking to her she stops texting me. like just now i see her tweeting but she can't reply to my text. is it something that women just do?", "answer": "women do not hate you unless you are doing something to make them hate you. ask yourself seriously-- are you doing something to make them hate you? there's not much here to go on other than the fact that you say all women hate you...that seems to suggest the problem is with you.  women are not a different species. they are people. if you are treating them as \"not people\" that's a good reason right there for them to avoid you.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "2h3kmm", "comment_id": "2h3kmm"}, {"question": "struggling", "description": ".", "answer": "your defo not alone. take v good care of yourself. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8tbmf8", "comment_id": "8tbmf8"}, {"question": "weekly success thread: share your victories large & small!", "description": "as i'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the \"little\" or \"normal\" things in life for those with anxiety issues. it's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.  this weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. success & victories large and small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow redditors - giving encouragement and hope. it helps to know that there are people actually beating this. ", "answer": "i've been working on talking to my partner more, especially about the hard stuff, and before it's a blow up issue.  it's helpful and is building our relationship, and forces me to overcome anxiety about sharing.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "45k6jj", "comment_id": "45k6jj"}, {"question": "research on biomedical treatments for autism?", "description": "hello! i am wondering if anyone can point me towards any research studies on biomedical treatments for autism. so far i've only been able to find anecdotal evidence, i'm wondering if there's anything more concrete out there. a client of mine is planning to begin treatment for her daughter with autism, based solely on the claims provided by the treatment providers. i'd like to be able to help her make an informed decision based on facts. they intend to test levels of gluten and dairy as well as heavy metals, and plan treatment from the results. thanks for any help or information!", "answer": "a client? what's your profession?  there's no evidence based treatment for autism. whoever is advertising such a treatment is surely a charlatan. heavy metals etc have no place in assessment/treatment of developmental disorders - ive heard of people selling this idea as a cure for many things, but there's no basis to it. it's scandalous.  edit: [info on autism](WEBLINK)  edit2: [urine toxic metal testing](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "52fmvn", "comment_id": "52fmvn"}, {"question": "is this a healthy coping method?", "description": "just to preface this, whether or not it's healthy, it works at the moment. i set contingencies for my suicide. for example, if i'm forty and have never been in a relationship, i'll do it. if i ever go bald i'll do it. if i ever contract hiv or get cancer i'll do it. things that are not necessarily not going to happen, but if they do it'll be a ways off, so it kind of gives me time to work things out. like if i have a really bad day, i can say \"oh, well i don't really meet any of these criteria, guess i can't kill myself today\". is this \"healthy\" or is it a bad idea? ", "answer": "while taking perspective and realizing that minor inconveniences or bad days aren't catastrophic- making suicide a contingency isn't. (basically- the first half is good- the second half is dangerous)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sh5u6", "comment_id": "sh5u6"}, {"question": "new ios 12 will show you your screen time. this is my usage on the first day... im shocked", "description": "so i downloaded and installed the new ios 12 beta. it's really great, but i wanted tot try the new screen time feature so badly.   so yesterday i was just having fun with my phone as usual. browsing instagram and visiting useless websites, we all know the deal.   today i remembered the screen time app on my phone so i took a look. and these were the results:  i've used the telephone for 7h52m !!! on one freaking day!!! wtf i've picked it up 186 times that day!!! i've had 99 notifications that day.   my top used apps are:  instagram, safari, reddit & spotify  i really, really need to change this! i'm feeling dead on the inside already, and it is only getting worse.   i'm new here, so if anyone has some good advice, please tell me!  i know that the new ios12 has restrictions options, so i'll restrict al my social media usage to 30 minutes a day (i need it for work). ", "answer": "if you aren't able to upgrade to ios 12 anytime soon, the forest app has this feature built-in. it's $2 well-spent! ", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "8r0wha", "comment_id": "8r0wha"}, {"question": "any advice for me[19/m] to get over my ex[18/f](odd situation)", "description": "a warning my grammar and punctuation is probably going to be trash, my head is all over the place and it isn't my top focus i apologize.  so some backstory i started dating this girl over a year ago and we dated for 6 months(the first time), when we broke up it was a pretty shitty feeling because she had a new boyfriend the same day, at first i was thinking that she must have been talking to him while we were dating, turns out that wasn't the case and they were just friends that liked each other i happened to get screwed over. now for most people and honestly anyone with a brain that would have been it but not me i wanted to stay friends because this guy was an asshole and i could tell(i'm not one to just let someone i cared about get treated like shit). so not surprisingly they broke up after about 3 months. her and i were good friends still, this turned into friends with benefits situation that turned into another  relationship this time for about 4 months with a strikingly similar outcome but this time it was a new guy 3 days after(improvements right?) we had broken up, again a shitty feeling but for what ever reason i still wanted to be friends this time unsuccessfully. as of today we're officially done talking and i am really sad, which may seem weird because i was screwed over not once but twice. honestly i wish we didn't date the second time because then we would probably still be friends which meant/means more to me than dating her did. she may have been a shitty person at points but she made me happy even when she screwed me over(is that messed up?). friendship is out of the question this time i asked and i am struggling. any advice is good advice please.  tl;dr: ex really messed with my head and i don't know how to get over it.", "answer": "if i were you i would stay off the roller coaster ride", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qexbp", "comment_id": "5qexbp"}, {"question": "what do you wish people knew about adhd?", "description": "tl;dr: what do you wish people knew about adhd? happy mental health awareness month!  for me, a couple things: *adhd meds aren\u2019t more dangerous than any other psychoactive drugs and the stigma around is damaging.  *impulsivity and poor emotional regulation are part of the symptoms.  *it sucks not to be diagnosed as a child, especially as a girl, they get misdiagnosed all the time with depression or mood disorders.", "answer": "this has fucked with my marriage and my chance of survival (suicide) far more than it has fucked with my academics.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "bmblvt", "comment_id": "bmblvt"}, {"question": "if i have an autoimmune disease is it okay to have an immune stimulant administered to me or will it cause my autoimmune disease to flare up?", "description": "​  m/23/5'10''/145 ibs  never smoked in my life  medications: tamiflu, tylenol   autoimmune condition: narcolepsy  previous medical conditions: pots  i've been down with the influenza a for the past couple days and my doc wants me to get a dexamethasone injection to help with recovery but since it stimulates the immune system i'm concerned it might cause an autoimmune reaction. is my suspicion well founded or is my understanding of biochemistry completely wrong?", "answer": "your understanding is completely wrong. dexamethasone is a steroid, which means it's an immunosuppressant. it can be used to treat autoimmunity and would not cause it.  a quick look suggests that sometimes steroids are used for flu, but it's controversial. i would guess that the idea is to reduce inflammation because of the infection, but there seems to be little evidence for that and immunosuppression during an infection seems like a bad idea to me, but i'm not an infectious disease specialist.  i would make sure you get a clear rationale for why from your doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "adckvj", "comment_id": "adckvj"}, {"question": "i don't know", "description": "i was told by my doctors that i don't have bulimia because i don't binge enough i don't know how to feel about that", "answer": "just because you don\u2019t fit diagnostic criteria doesn\u2019t mean it isn\u2019t problematic for you", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "hryzi4", "comment_id": "hryzi4"}, {"question": "i keep getting jealous of partner's mother", "description": "tl;dr - i am jealous of my partner's mother because of my own insecurities and it's leading to contempt for my partner     i want to preface by saying there is no excuse for my feelings about her, she is a nice woman and my partner is good to me.   this started when i went on a trip with their family and she basically complained to my partner i wasn't \"grateful enough\" and i was doing my best to say thank you frequently and be polite, but there was a cultural difference. basically i came off as rude without meaning to.   this somehow twisted into the mom thinking i'm a rude and ungrateful person and they didn't stand up for me basically, because they're too afraid to challenge their mother. it was frustrating.   their mom is a very traditional and intense person. i feel like my partner sees her as being much stronger than me, but that's probably my insecurities. she does the same work as my mom but she didn't go to college for it and i got angry about this the other day because my mom is thousands in debt for doing basically the same work for the same pay, and they defended their mom by saying she \"works just as hard and deserves it.\" which i agree, but they never listen to me when i say anything about their mother. it makes me feel threatened and insecure.   i think me and my partner will be getting couples counseling at some point, but i just want to know if these feelings are normal? i have issues with jealousy in many other areas of life, but it's gotten to the point that when they bring up their mom i get angry, and that is not healthy.", "answer": "i'm sorry you are having a hard time . it seems clear you want good relationships with everyone involved.   i wonder if you may be approaching this with some dichotomous thinking that is creating discomfort for you. there are themes of fairness and choosing sides rather than collaboration.   i want to give some some examples of what i noticed and you can decide if there is any pattern here or if i missed the mark.     >they didn't stand up for me basically, because they're too afraid to challenge their mother  it sounds like you see this as either they stand up for you or they are afraid to challenge their mother.  could their be a third option?  > i feel like my partner sees her as being much stronger than me, but that's probably my insecurities.  what would it mean if your partner did see their mother as stronger?   >she does the same work as my mom but she didn't go to college for it and i got angry about this the other day because my mom is thousands in debt for doing basically the same work for the same pay, and they defended their mom by saying she \"works just as hard and deserves it.\"  this is that false dichotomy again.  being angry insinuates that only one or the other deserves the job. why can't they both deserve it? i get being unhappy about student debt , and the people who don't have debt have nothing to do with that. is the anger productive?   >agree, but they never listen to me when i say anything about their mother  what do you want to happen? if you are asking your partner to take your side , it may be unfair to have a side.   i am not saying your partner's mom is great and you are bad. my point is that seeing it as you vs. mom is not accomplishing anything.   if you feel that your partner 's mom is overstepping a boundary in some way , you have  a right to set boundaries.  you just want to make  sure that you aren't violating their boundaries in the process.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gt0rk5", "comment_id": "gt0rk5"}, {"question": "i finally confessed and now i really need help.", "description": "i apologize for how long it is. you don't have to read.  okay so i'll give a brief back story. i had a lot of problems growing up. i was bullied ever since the other kids around me learned how to talk and hit. i can't really remember a \"good\" day at school. to me, it was just another day of bullying. my family at the time was going through a lot. my brother passed away at an extremely young age and that really messed with or family. my father became extremely crazy and became extremely abusive as well. but it wasn't like he just woke up and decided to become abusive. years after we escaped from him, my mother told me that he would hit her stomach when she was pregnant with me. he would also do things like yell at her in front of us (my other brother) and make her go in their room with the door locked so that he could hold a knife to her throat so that she'd do anything he wanted. he would hold knifes up to my throat, force me to make racist and sexist comments, tell me i was nothing, told me he didn't want to be my father, etc. cliche drunk father. as the years went on, i became depressed. i would look at my friend's dad's and get so angry and jealous because of how beautiful it was to see that kind of relationship. then around maybe 13 or 14 i started to think about suicide. not actually doing it, but just the scenario and what it would be like. it became the first thought of the day for me. i've never been really easy to sleep so i'm sure some of you can understand the infamous \"lay in your bed and stare up at the ceiling and think about everything you've ever done wrong and how bad your life is and how killing yourself would make it go away\" nightly ritual.   so when my mom left my father, took us with her, and got the police involved, everything settled down for a bit. i was still depressed but i didn't really know what depressed was. i was 16 and  i was always told \"you're just going through the grumpy teenager phase\". man i hated when people said that. then just as everything seemed like it was better, it got worse. my \"father\" (he doesn't deserve to be called that), remembered that he still controlled my mother's bank account and so he took all of our money. right when my mom was trying for a job. for some reason, i really just got awful. i was introduced to drugs (i know, i know. cue the strings) and for a while, yeah i guess they were alright but the come down of a high is awful. then i tried for alcohol. even worse. with alcohol, for me at least, you've got about 45 minutes to an hour of pure bliss and happiness, and then it really is just hell. i would go to work high or drunk. i remember one occasion, i woke up literally covered in my own vomit. both sides of my bed on the floor was covered in vomit. my phone, the tv remote, my laptop, and other items were caramelized with dried vomit. i had to put my years of acting training to the test and convince my mother that i had food poisoning. luckily it worked. i remember feeling so bad that i deserved a mug that said \"world's shittiest human\".  this pattern just kept going. i found which alcohols didn't make me puke my fucking brains out and just continued. then i started noticing another pattern. my behavior's. i would get so angry sometimes that i would do weird things like repeat the same sentence over and over again while i would hit myself as hard as i could, while switching back and forth, taking on the personalities of my father and the bullies. i would choke myself and scream things like \"you deserve it you piece of filth. take it. take your punishment.\"  *let me add that i am in no way a violent person. i've never hit someone or got into a fight in my life. i have plenty of friends. i'm one of those people who can make the meanest person laugh their ass off and love me. i'm good with advice and i'm easy to like. i'm the guy who hides behind his pain  anyway, my behavior. i would get so angry and then, in the blink of an eye, i would be the happiest person in the world. it was scary how fast both of those personalities would come and go. so suicide became a more probable resolution to all of this. it was affecting my life, my family, and friends. i was getting worse. i would look at videos of father's playing with their son's and cry on the toilet (so no one would see me cry). i finally decided i was gonna do it.  i didn't know how to do it. so i just started choking myself and that didn't work. i wasn't doing it right. what a thought. i can just hear my father; \"you can't even kill yourself the right way.\" so i just stayed up and cried. sleep is always out of the option for me. i just kinda pass out and wake up in a room i don't remember going into.   so to the point, i finally opened up to someone. my best friend in the entire world. she already knew about my depression, but she didn't know about the suicide and the suicide thoughts. she started crying and said something along the lines of \"you'll leave your brother and mother without a brother and son.\" i told her that i wanted to see a therapist and then what she responded with made me \"inspired\" me to write this.  she said \"i was gonna say you should see a therapist , but then you told me about hurting yourself and the suicide. they'll put you in a hospital for that. a mental hospital.\"  that stunned me.   mental hospitals scare the absolute shit out of me.   basically what i'm asking for, is someone who has ever told a therapist about suicide or anything i've talked about. i'm too old to believe this bullshit but it still scares me. -what was your experience? -should i talk to a therapist. -what will happen if i talk to someone?  thank you to whoever is reading my story. i love all of you and wish you all the most happiness.  -c", "answer": "just want to reiterate that unless the therapist believes you are an immediate danger to yourself, he or she will likely take steps to ensure your safety that don't include involuntary commitment, and probably will do so by involving you in creating a safety plan. please do see a counselor or call a crisis line. you should not suffer alone.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2i2y3f", "comment_id": "2i2y3f"}, {"question": "will my parents health insurance be charged extra??", "description": "will my parents health insurance increase?? please help  story: i\u2019m 23 years old and using my family\u2019s health insurance until i start my job in a few months. i recently had a check up at the doctor and told him i use vapes and nicotine on occasion. i\u2019m now extremely worried that my parents will either find out through my doctor telling my insurance company, or my insurance raising their rates. i would really just like to know what happens insurance wise, or if the doctor reports this to them.  i told this only to my doctor, but will the insurance raise the rates? or will this affect me later on in the future?", "answer": "insurance has a right to access health information, but your doctor has no obligation to disclose anything, and i\u2019m sure he or she has absolutely no interest in doing it. insurance is fairly unlikely to go combing through your chart. you parents do not have any right to your information under hipaa.  you\u2019re probably fine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hwdax5", "comment_id": "hwdax5"}, {"question": "confused", "description": "hey everyone i am in need of some serious advise. i am the mother of a 5 year old girl, and i split custody of her with my ex.   i met someone about 3 months ago that i have been seeing on a regular basis. i am 39 and she is 35. my daughter has interacted with her short term twice now.   here is the issue. the girl i am seeing told me she is not really a kid person. she's been in past relationships with ppl who have had kids and she said she resented them bc the parent was always trying to force her to be a parent.   when i asked her why she doesn't like kids she said bc she likes her freedom to come and go as she pleases. so far, it's been easy for her and i to date because we see each other on the days my child is not with me.  i broke up with her about a month ago bc i felt that i needed to date someone who accepts the fact that i have a kid. a few days later she came back to me pleading for us to be together and telling me she really wants to try with me and my kid.  over christmas, she called and asked me if she can come over and make cookies with my daughter and she did.   now, she has a 4 year old niece whom she simply adores and loves, and showers with affection.   we had a discussion the other day about a possible serious relationship and future together. she said she hadn't decided yet if that's something she wants....and to be honest i feel the same for the obvious reason.  anyone have a similar experience? thougts and advise please!", "answer": "you just have to keep talking. she has to really know if she can be a committed step-parent or it won't work. i would minimize her contact with your child until this issue is resolved. you don't want your daughter to get attached to someone who disappears.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lzbn0", "comment_id": "5lzbn0"}, {"question": "best/most keto-friendly sugar for baking", "description": "hi all,  looking for suggestions on which sugar or sugar substitute to use while baking a pie. my mother is making an apple pie and wants to try and make it as good for me as possible so i can actually have a slice.   :) thanks in advance ", "answer": "well all of the sweetners have a catch. erythritol (swerve) can cause stomach upset in surprisingly small amounts (for me anyway). stevia and splenda have off-putting after tastes. the consensus seems to be a combination of sweetners to minimize their negatives and maximize their collective positives. i have a premade mix of all three and some inositol powder, which is half as sweet as sugar and a supplement that is good for pcos.   to make artificially sweetened dishes palatable i've found they need to have a good amount of fat to not suck. i've found that puddings, cream pies, and cheesecake come out best. almond crusts are okay replacements. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "54xgq3", "comment_id": "54xgq3"}, {"question": "i [24/f] never had close friends. should i hide this from new people i get to know? also, how do i escalate my friendships?", "description": "as a teenager, i never spent time with friends outside of school/hobbies, and since i moved abroad to study i've pretty much only had acquaintances, like people i've met at meetups or through language tandems, only see in a group context and don't talk to about personal things. i never really realised this until a couple of years ago, since it was just the natural state of things for me, and i had my close friendships online.   what i would really like is someone that i can call up any time, that i can turn to if i have a problem or just really want to spend time with someone and who genuinely enjoys my company.   i've come to realise that building closer friendships requires opening up about things in my life and being vulnerable as well as taking initiatives to spend time with people, and i've tried to implement that.   however, i still do feel pretty lonely, because it's such a slow process and i'm still not sure if it's working, and everyone seems to have so many other friends to spend time with and things to do, so i end up spending quite a bit of time on my own. when i'm feeling down about this, and someone i'm getting to know asks me how i'm feeling, how do i answer?  i'm generally all for honesty and talking about my feelings, but in this particular case i'm scared it would feel like i'm putting pressure on the other person (with whom i am building a friendship) by letting them know that i'm unhappy about my friendships/social life.  how would you go about this? and do you have any suggestions for where i might be going wrong with the whole making closer friends thing? thank you in advance!  **tl;dr: i only ever had acquaintances, now trying to make closer friendships, but still frequently feeling lonely. when friends ask how i'm feeling, should i lie?**", "answer": "to attain close friendships, you have to gradually increase the level of contact. it doesn't happen with infrequent get togethers.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68t9yg", "comment_id": "68t9yg"}, {"question": "i dont think i have a tail bone!", "description": "hi, i'm a 22 year old white british female in a healthy weight range and no major health issues that i know of! basically as the title says i think i was born without a tail bone, my mum has mentioned this in the past but said that the doctors never really looked into it when i was a child. i've had a little google and can't seem to find anything about not having a tail bone so i have no idea if it's something i should bring up on my next gp visit. i've always had issues with my hips since i can remember, if i walk a long distance i get a feeling like my hip isn't quite in the right place, sometimes quite painful, and sometimes feels like it 'pops'. it's honestly hard to explain. also i have two deep dimples about an inch above where my tail bone/spine appears to end which have been there since i was a baby. i have no idea whether the hip issues and dimples are related to not having a tale bone (i can take pics if it would be helpful). i have had a feel of the area on several occasions and it feels completely different to my oh (who has a completely normal tale bone) more like a rounded stump with no sort of curve inwards. is this something i should be worried about? should i consult my gp or will i just sound like an idiot?", "answer": "it sounds... unlikely. you never know - your gp will have your childhood records anyway. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9kt17i", "comment_id": "9kt17i"}, {"question": "what should i do???? i'm clueless", "description": "(15/f)so there is this guy (15/m)and he has liked me for a long time now (3-4 years) and he wants to date me but he does things that i don't want to get involved with. he likes to drink and smoke weed and i don't want to do anything with that stuff. i'm scared that if i do date him then will i get influenced by him? i've never dated anyone either so do you think he should be my first boyfriend? when i text him he seems like a whole different person and i like him but then i see him in person and he is the exact opposite. idk what to do. i get butterflies sometimes when i'm around him but i'm thinking about how he's texts me. what do you think i should do?", "answer": "follow your instincts. alcohol and weed are not for you, and you'll get sucked into it. stay away from him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74c2wh", "comment_id": "74c2wh"}, {"question": "i (25f) made a new friend (35m) who is really clingy. how do i enforce my boundaries while maintaining a friendship?", "description": "hello,  i will try to be fairly vague, to avoid any hurt feelings if this person is a redditor. i met a man in town who i enjoyed talking to (we encountered each other rather frequently), and we added each other on facebook and found that we shared a lot in common. since then, we've gone to two events together, and hung out a couple times a week.   it's worth noting that on my own, i will hang out with other people once, maybe twice a week - never more than that, usually less. but, i'm unemployed, he knows this, and i wake up most mornings to him asking if he can come over on his work break. if i say that i am studying and am trying to focus, i have to repeat myself a couple times before he realizes what i'm doing is ending the conversation. when i tell him we've hung out too much that week and i need my personal space, he still asks to hang out the next day. now, after knowing each other for a month or so, he's doing things like giving us a 'friend duo nickname' and asking about and subsequently inviting himself to everything i try to plan.  i've started avoiding bringing my phone anywhere because its starting to stress me out how much this guy is trying to get in touch. i enjoy hanging out with him every once in a while just like i do all my other friends, but i have no idea how to enforce those boundaries firmer than i have been. every time i think of something, i worry he might just not want to be my friend any more. and why would he? shouldn't he have a friend who wants to hang out with him?  does anyone have any advice on how to handle particularly clingy friends? or how to 'handle' friends who are a little high on the awkward scale??", "answer": "just have to gently say no when you need to and be consistent", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tbk5p", "comment_id": "5tbk5p"}, {"question": "26m 230lbs 5'11\" is it safe to fast for 30 days?", "description": "i wish to achieve radical weight loss results and would like medical advice on what is the longest period of total fasting (besides water and vitamin supplements) that i could undergo", "answer": "it is probably survivable but not safe to fast for a month. you would certainly not be able to maintain any level of function.  the evidence on the effectiveness of fasting for weight loss is mixed at best. losses from the period of not eating tend to be regained, often with extra, once you resume eating. it is not the weight loss program that i would recommend, though i am not a dietitian or weight loss expert.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9jfj7q", "comment_id": "9jfj7q"}, {"question": "seriously at my wits end with this fear", "description": "i've been dealing with this my whole life. i decided i was done living in fear and avoiding every little aspect of a good, fun life. i started exposure therapy two months ago and it helped with my hand washing and eating out at restaurants. but i still don't feel normal. i had to get a surgery done at the dentist yesterday and they brought me 4 antibiotic pills to swallow which i wasn't expecting. i started having a panic attack and explained to them why i was so afraid of taking them. they all just stared at me dumbfounded. i started hyperventilating and couldn't calm down even after they took the pills away. they had to help me breathe so i wouldn't pass out. i have never hyperventilated before in my life and that's when i realized i really do not have this anxiety under control. so i made an appt with a psychiatrist to hopefully prescribe me prozac that i used to take as a kid. but again, it's a pill... and i'm afraid. but it feels like my last option at a good life. does anyone else ever feel this way? i'm so jealous of all my friends that can just get drunk and ride airplanes and rollercoasters like it's no big deal. i feel like this fear is all i am anymore. my life, my personality revolves around it and it's just so shitty i can't do anything without thinking about it. sorry for the rant guys, i'm just so fed up.", "answer": "i'm sorry you're having such a rough time lately :( know that some set-backs are normal though - progress in therapy doesn't happen in a straight line! also, exposure therapy for a phobia can take awhile to create some real change. two months isn't all that long, depending on how severe the phobia is. keep pushing and don't be discouraged by this bump in the road! there is hope.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "bf0uk1", "comment_id": "bf0uk1"}, {"question": "i've been to doctors, but still no explanation for these low level hallucinations that are worsening? pics included.", "description": "ok, so whenever i look at patterned that include dots, be it rugs, walls, tables or ceilings, they move around. it used to just be at the edges of my vision, then it progressed to anything just out of my fov, now even the parts i'm looking directly at move. it's like tiny dots moving and swirling in my vision. does schizophrenia usually start off like this? i'm worried, because people kept telling me that it was normal, or just anxiety, but its getting worse. here's some examples of what triggers it. WEBLINK", "answer": "you've asked this before and i responded. you're not hallucinating, and it's not indicative of a psychotic disorder. if anything, your visual perceptions will be precipitated by your anxiety.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "545wb5", "comment_id": "545wb5"}, {"question": "should i see a therapist or is it really possible that i'm \"cured\"?", "description": "so i'm a victim of child sexual abuse as well as rape. the sex abuse came to light to my mom but i was so horrified and embarrassed and she was going through a divorce (not an excuse, but still worth mentioning) and we were pretty much on the brink of poverty that for a few months she begged me to see a therapist and relented when i said no repeatedly. i love my mom with all of my heart and she is honestly my best friend. i do admit i harbored a lot of resentment as a teenager but now i don't feel anything negative towards her.   throughout high school (i'm 22 now) i was depressed as hell. i developed an eating disorder (that still fucks up my heart any time i throw up) and self-harmed and contemplated suicide quite often. i like to think that i was pretty good at hiding it because i had a pretty active social life and have always been told that i'm really funny/entertaining/whatever.   i can't actually tell if i was good at hiding it or if my friendships were so superficial nobody brought it up...either way, here i am today. i was depressed for at least 5 years. i saw a therapist for a few months this past december and mentioned the sexual abuse. he asked about it and again, my reflexes kicked in and i denied it affecting me and he never pressed the issue. i liked him enough and he was really kind and understanding but i just stopped going...i told him i was \"better\" and he accepted my answer. this was through my university as it was pretty much the only help i could afford and they advertise it from the start as a temporary solution.   i honestly don't know if i'm really okay or if i'm just numb. i don't actively contemplate suicide but i'm not bothered at all when i imagine it. i don't feel pain much anymore but i also don't feel motivated at all. i kind of just go to work and school without thinking. i feel like i'm going through the motions. i have been in a wonderful and caring relationship for the past four years and honestly don't really remember much of it. everything is kind of foggy. i can't even remember what it felt like to be completely happy...or maybe i do and i just am expecting more from happiness? i have no idea if any of this makes sense. i know nobody here will be able to confirm whether or not i'm okay but i guess i'm asking if anyone else has an experience like this and what they did?", "answer": "it is possible that you are \"cured,\" although you seem to describe still experiencing a lot of negative stuff. if i knew you irl and you told me all this i would probably encourage you to seek out a therapist.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "46t3df", "comment_id": "46t3df"}, {"question": "\u2764", "description": "how everyone had a good day! if not message me", "answer": "what do you know about butt plugs", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "cxoyas", "comment_id": "cxoyas"}, {"question": "19 male uk. for the past 3 days i've been having what i can only describe as calm, irritating, panic attacks.", "description": "the basic symptoms of my problem are these: when i don't move my limbs very much they start to feel out of my control... as if they're falling off my body. they start to feel much more inflated than they actually are so that if i'm holding an object in my hands at the time it feels much smaller than it actually is. mentally i feel as if i'm leaving my body entirely. these symptoms generally get worse when i look at a computer screen, phone screen, or the lights are on. if i move my body then the symptoms tend to go. everyone i've told about them so far has suggested that these are panic attacks.  except that i'm typing right now while i'm allegedly having a panic attack. i don't feel panicked at all. i feel quite calm. if i had to assign myself a negative emotion then i'd say that i'm irritated. just slightly annoyed. confused about why it is that this is occurring. i've checked my pulse and it's normal. my breathing is normal. i'm not sweating profusely. i could say that i do have a bit of a hot tingly sensation through out my body.  about three months ago i had heart palpitations induced by marijuana consumption. i've had on and off palpitations since then. i have what the doctors have called benign arrhythmia, but the doctors are seeing me about that because it causes dizziness and blurred vision. neither of which appear to be relevant to these other symptoms.  6 foot, 75 kg, white, ", "answer": "well, it's not a panic attack if you're not panicked.  could be medical.  from a psychological standpoint, it sounds more like some of the symptoms of depersonalization/derealization.  not saying you have this disorder, but the feelings you describe are more in line with these than with panic attacks.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "3i7swz", "comment_id": "3i7swz"}, {"question": "i thought i was doing better", "description": "so i was recently diagnosed at 20 years old with adhd and a bunch of other things. i got put on zoloft about 2 months ago and abilify 2 weeks ago. i thought i was doing much better when it came to being more social with people and managing my symptoms when it comes to adhd. i\u2019m a hockey player and i wasn\u2019t really able to play when i first started zoloft while getting used to it but i was quickly able to get back into things, until today.  my coach decide to a check to make sure we have everything we need daily, warned us in advance and gave us a list of things he\u2019ll be checking for and if we don\u2019t have everything, we\u2019ll get sent home. i was so focused on getting everything that i forgot my binder, which has all of our plays and team culture written in, the most important thing. so of course i got sent home from practice.  i\u2019m tired of forgetting things all of the time and tired of thinking i\u2019m doing better when in the end i\u2019m just not. how do i not feel like a total failure of a person? why of all 30 people on this team it has to be me, a third year veteran who should be able to do these simple things?   ", "answer": "zoloft and abilify are both good meds... for the right problems. they may not be the right meds for you, particularly since they are not for adhd specifically (zoloft is an ssri antidepressant and abilify is an atypical antipsychotic often prescribed for purposes of mood stabilization and is sometimes used in treatment of adhd). have you talked to your doctor about meds specifically for adhd? there are non-stimulant options available if that\u2019s a concern for you. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "aioj0u", "comment_id": "aioj0u"}, {"question": "[22/m] jealous and paranoid because of past experiences, how do i prevent this from ruining my new [21/f] relationship? (x/post r/advice)", "description": "posting from a throwaway.  i was in a long... long term relationship, it was my first serious relationship and it lasted for about 5 years, it was also extremely toxic and my so at the time was more manipulative than i realized until toward the end of our relationship. there was a lot of lies and a lot of infidelity, some of it involving mutual friends.  i've since broken up with this person and found myself with a much more trustworthy and enjoyable individual, the problem is that i find myself constantly paranoid and jealous that history will repeat itself and this new person will wrong me in some way.  in my heart i know that my current so would never do anything like that, they're an incredible person and one of the most honest and grounded people i've ever met, that said however it doesn't stop my mind from racing just because they went to hang out with their friends or didn't return a text. it's small things like that that turned out to be signs of much larger problems in my previous relationship.  i'm afraid that this unfounded paranoia brought on by the baggage of the past will somehow sabotage a good thing that i've found for myself. i've told my current so the full extent of the troubles involved in my previous relationship and warned them that at times i may be excessively jealous or paranoid and promised to do my best to not let that ever interfere with our happiness and they understood entirely.  still i would like to avoid these thoughts all together, they cause me a lot of unneeded stress and anxiety even though i realize that they couldn't be farther from the truth, but the small 1% chance that i'm wrong is enough to keep my mind racing in an endless spiral of paranoia and anxiety.  i'll never act on these thoughts, because i recognize them as ungrounded paranoia, but how can i overcome them entirely?", "answer": "my first question would be do you have anxiety in general and if you do is it something you need to see a therapist about. if you don't have any psychiatric history and this purely has to do with a bad past experience, then i would stay focused on the facts about your girl- friend that suggest she's a very solid and trustworthy person. at the end of the day, we either trust or we don't.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qf41s", "comment_id": "5qf41s"}, {"question": "was this a hostile thing to say to my therapist?", "description": "my therapist seemed to get slightly offended, mentioning shortly after i said this how he is in the \"position of authority\". i said \"i dont like psychiatrists because i feel like they just push pills on people to make money. but i like psychologists like you because i think they don't have ulterior motives, and i think they deserve to make more money than they do.\" was that a hostile thing to say? dont even trust my own judgement anymore. ", "answer": "doesn't seem hostile to me.  he may have been concerned that you're apprehensive to work with a psychiatrist along with him if he believes you could benefit from meds.  just my guess,  i'd ask him.  nobody on reddit can give you a better answer to what he was thinking or how he perceived it than he can.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9z1611", "comment_id": "9z1611"}, {"question": "subclinical hypothyroidism - 5.24 - should levothyroxine be prescribed/taken?", "description": "tsh level - 5.24  gp prescribed levothyroxine (0.025mg).  experienced sinus infection and took antibiotics, after had fatigue. did bloodwork and iron was very low - so taking feramax 150 daily.  do not have typical symptoms of hypothyroidism - no sentisivity to cold (actually experiencing sensitivity to heat), no weight gain,etc. but gp said to take levothyroxine due to fatigue (which could be caused by the low iron). (another dr at clinic said he would not have prescribed levothyroxine since the tsh result could be a \u201cblip\u201d.)  after taking levothyroxine for about 40 days, there is no improvement with fatigue (still off and on). will speak to gp again in a week (on break) but she said to wait for an appointment with a specialist (in aug.) to decide whether to continue taking levothyroxine.  this is confusing. should levothyroxine have been prescribed? and can medication be stopped after 40 days to check to see whether the elevated tsh reading was in fact, a blip?  any feedback would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "unless thyroid hormone levels (usually free t4, sometimes free t3) were checked and low, a slightly elevated tsh is not hypothyroidism and there's no reason to treat it. there's probably no harm in a very low dose of levothyroxine either, but it's not going to fix fatigue that isn't caused by hypothyroidism in the first place.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "gy1kqp", "comment_id": "gy1kqp"}, {"question": "always planned on being dead by the time i reached 25, that's only 3 months away. but living my life with that mindset that the future doesn't matter has led to many bad decisions that are making my future hard.", "description": "no savings, bad credit, no vehicle, job or home, a string of bad relationships, health problems from past drug use/addiction and bad self care, made alot of enemies, and ruined alot of peoples trust, ruined great opportunities and let this disorder along with bipolar disorder just get worse and worse untreated and so much more i can't put into words easily.   i'm finally trying to live my life and be happy, working with a therapist, back on medicine. but sometimes the problems i created for myself from living with the \"i'll kill myself soon so what i do now doesn't matter\" mindset make me feel like i can never live a \"normal\" life, not normal in the 9-5 job, wife, kids and house sense but normal as in being able to keep my moods under control and not ruining all my close personal relationships. not being self destructive not having constant invasive suicidal thoughts.   the good thing is i read stories of people who have successfully turned their lives around and are managing very well with this disorder. sometimes i just wonder if i'm too far gone.   this is more just me venting seeing if anyone can relate. but if anyone has advice i'm open to anything you have to say.   also apologize for rambling and grammatical errors my mind is going a mile a minute currently. ", "answer": "lol.. i had that same mindset. in high school, i thought i'd die before i graduated. then i graduated and thought i wouldn't make it past college. and again, and again, except i had made a plan when i was in middle school that i will kill myself at 27 if i made it to that point. the 27 club you know.   4 years ago i graduated with my masters degree. last year i got married. my wife is currently pregnant. it's been amazing. and i never imagined i'd be here. how did i do it?  honestly i chose to become a therapist. i learned about this disorder and i learned about dbt, and i learned how to be the guy in the chair. and from there i learned how to accept help and change. i could have gone to therapy and learned that way, but i taught myself. it took years of hard work. i burned a lot of bridges and lost many friends. i still struggle with anxiety and impulsivity. i smoke weed and sometimes have to force self care. but i never stopped and never gave up, despite planning to do so. you can do it too. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "avvx97", "comment_id": "avvx97"}, {"question": "completely in love but he can't bare to live with me.", "description": "\u2022 i'm so sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but i'm desperate and any help would be appreciated (even if it's directing me to the right place to post!) \u2022   when i first met my other half, i knew very quickly that he was \"the one\". we get on incredibly well, he's amazing and supportive and we always have fun together. when i look at him, i see my future.. pets, house, our family, the whole lot.  i moved into his house after we had been dating for a year and i've been living here for a couple of months now (and basically lived here anyway before he officially asked me to move in). recently, things seemed a little off. we weren't our usual selves but he always insisted he was fine.. until last night.  he finally broke down and told me he couldn't bare to live with me, he needs time alone and me being in a different room doesn't feel like enough space. not that he feels like he needs to be apart form from me but that being in the same house with me full-time is actually stressing him out massively and making him angry / want to lash out. he said it's nothing to do with my stuff or me but more a person being there all the time.  apart from his family, i am the first person he has lived with and since leaving his family home, he's been by himself for a couple of years. he's suffered from depression in the past and i'm not sure if this may be part of it, as we're going through some money troubles at the moment (since leaving university in may, i have been unable to permanent, full-time find work to help pay the bills).  he has asked me to move out and i'm unsure what will happen to us. he tells me he still completely loves me and is so scared of losing me but i'm unsure if there's a future for us if he cannot bare to live with me full time. i love him, with all my heart, and the thought of losing him and our amazing relationship is killing me.  what can we do? has anyone experienced anything like this before? could this be a mental health issue? or something else?", "answer": "although it really is different for everyone and there's indeed no \"right answer\" i think only dating for a year especially when \"you were practically living there\" for a while really isn't enough time to make the leap to living together.    on top of that, it sounds as though he has been supporting you for a little while now.  that's a whole lot of stress that maybe he didn't sign up for.  along with that goes the fact that you are probably spending a lot of time in the house (not having full time work).  i have two suggestions.  follow through with his wishes, move out, try to maintain the relationship and give it more time before you try living together again.    the 2nd, either take a vacation without him, take day trips in the weekends, go spend more time at friends houses, whatever it takes to give him some alone time.    i certainly can't diagnose him or say what may or may not be causing him to feel this way since i'm not actually working with him.   i will say that wanting some time to be alone, even away from the ones you love most is completely normal.  you each need to find a way to balance enjoying time together, but giving each other a good amount of space.  it's one of the more difficult tasks when living together as a couple.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6skll4", "comment_id": "6skll4"}, {"question": "prozac and xanax", "description": "hello,  i'm a 26 year old female in the u.s. who suffers from gad, depression, and ocd.   i recently aged out of my dad's health insurance and from now until early february (when i move to a new state), i will not have insurance.  i've been on 20 mg of prozac for about 10 years now. i'll be covered with my meds for a few more months.  recently i've developed a fear of flying that has interfered with my ability to do my job and attend to my personal life.  several family members and friends have suggested xanax to me, as a medical aid to get back to flying. however, i'm concerned with how my prozac may interact with the xanax.  basically, i would love to not have the physical anxiety symptoms and i want to lose the racing thoughts. i don't want to be completely \"drugged out\" in case i need to make a connecting flight or in case of emergency.  does anyone have any input/insight into how a prozac user may react to small, sporadic doses of xanax?  thank you very much!  ", "answer": "you'd probably be fine taking both - but benzodiazepines like alprazolam are plasters rather than cures.  ever thought of being on a higher dose of fluoxetine instead?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5lpzjo", "comment_id": "5lpzjo"}, {"question": "i think i may have gotten infected with an amoxicillin-resistant uri!", "description": "i work in a small office with just my boss and i, recently she has been sick but has been forced to come into work because we work in hr and someone cut off their hand. she took amoxicillin but received it from shady medical place and after taking it for a week(i believe she didn't take a full round) she continued to have the cough. i didn't show any signs of infection until recently(1-3 days), i have begun to develop a persistent cough similar to my boss but i'm only coughing up small amounts of white mucus at the moment. i do not know if she has coughed up mucus but her cough had the sound of mucus in her lungs. i just want to know what to take to crush the chance of feeling ill and even worse; infecting others with an amox-resistant uri.  22 male 6ft 3 195lbs caucasian(iranian)  i smoke weed, i use a the vaporizer pens daily but occasionally(0-2 times a week) use a bong. i also use a nicotine-salt vaporizer about 100mg total consumption of nicotine-salt daily. i have stopped since noticing the mucus two days ago but it has persisted.", "answer": "it\u2019s not standard to treat uris with any antibiotic because most are viral and just take time. it isn\u2019t surprising that amoxicillin wouldn\u2019t help; its being used for the wrong kind of infection.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cfov29", "comment_id": "cfov29"}, {"question": "hair loss help!", "description": "hello ladies! i've been browsing for some informative hair loss posts but haven't found much.. so i was wondering:  has going on birth control helped manage hair loss?  (just started lo -ogestrel myself and hoping that helps out ) what has and hasn't worked for you?", "answer": "i'd like to know this, too!", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "4196ua", "comment_id": "4196ua"}, {"question": "what happened to me? should i be concerned?", "description": "today, something strange happened to me and i thought i would share it with this subreddit in hopes of finding out what and why this happened.  what happened was that i had overslept and was late for an arrangement, and because of that my mother called me a name that makes me anxious for reasons i don't want to discuss here. immediatly after that i started to have trouble breathing and i was gasping for air. i also started sweating, froze in place and i was unable to talk for a while. i only really calmed down and recomposed myself 20 minutes later.  while it was happening, my mom told me to stop and said that i was overreacting. she also taunted me, asking if i was going to cry and kept calling me that other name i mentioned earlier. when i did calm down i asked her if i had a panic attack, and she said that i didn't, and that panic attacks always end up in a person losing consciousness. rather, she told me i had a temper tantrum and called me a little kid (even though i'm not a little kid). after that, she started saying that back in her day there was no such thing as anxiety or panic attacks , and that in poor countries people don't complain about stuff like that so why should i .  i just want someone to help me understand what happened, so to whoever is reading this, can you please help me?", "answer": "it definitely sounds like you were emotionally overwhelmed . this is not an unusual reaction to being verbally abused by someone you love . i'm sorry this happened. is there someone safe you can talk to?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g21b9b", "comment_id": "g21b9b"}, {"question": "metformin with normal glucose?", "description": "hi all,   does anyone else have \"normal\" glucose tests and still take metformin? my glucose has always been normal, though i'm sure i have at least some level of insulin resistance by nature of having pcos. it's nearly impossible for me to lose weight lately, and my gyn recommended metformin to hopefully help with that. i know bad gi side effects are likely, so i just wanted to get some others' opinions and experiences before just diving into yet another med! thanks :)", "answer": "i also have normal glucose and am on metformin. ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "4ctbws", "comment_id": "4ctbws"}, {"question": "anxious about taking xanax for flight anxiety (oh, the anxiety cycle...)", "description": "i've flown many times in my life with varying levels of anxiety (from none whatsoever to crippling panic attacks), though i really categorically hate flying in general. i don't like feeling out of control, and i don't like feeling like i can't escape a situation that's making me anxious, so obviously flying is not something i particularly enjoy.   i talked to my doctor about this, since i have a few trips coming up this year (usually i don't fly more than once in a year), and she gave me a prescription for .5 mg of xanax. that's ultimately what i wanted out of the conversation--my therapist has recommended that i ask my doctor for xanax for flying for years--but now i'm scared about taking the drug itself. i plan to practice before my first flight of the year (next friday) to see how it makes me feel, but i'm really nervous for a bunch of reasons. i'm scared about getting addicted to it. i'm extremely ocd when it comes to flying (i have to do everything in the exact same order and at the exact right times, i have to put things in the right places, i have to chew the right brand of gum, i have to drink the same thing, etc.), so the idea of not being scared like i usually am makes me worried about \"throwing off\" my ritual (which includes being scared) and that if my ritual isn't perfect, the flight will not be safe. i'm so anxious about this whole situation that i don't want even want to try to the xanax and would rather just not go--even though all of my destinations this year are places i love to visit and/or have always wanted to visit. obviously that's no way to live (and let's be real: it's not like staying off the plane will keep me from being anxious anyway. i'd find something else to worry about at home haha), so if anyone else has been in this position and can talk me off the ledge, i'd really appreciate it.", "answer": "xanax is my best friend during a flight. my doctor prescribed me the 1 mg version and i usually take 1 mg before boarding, 0.5 during take off and 0.5 when i start to feel anxious and/or panicked. it's really useful to calm me down but the only issue is that once the stress is over (when we've just landed) the effect is still going and it makes me sleepy during the first day.   i've nerve experienced any other side effects than sleepiness (no addiction or anything). my best advice is to try a 0.5 pill when you are at home and see the effects. it's not a great idea to add your fear of flying with the fear of taking xanax. with some experience i was able to lower my intake and now i have 0.25 mg pills. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "5nk5s2", "comment_id": "5nk5s2"}, {"question": "is my bpd brandishing new (unwanted) tricks?", "description": "hi! i have bpd (with no known comorbidity)!and for a while now i\u2019ve been dissociating to the point where i\u2019ve been told i\u2019ve gone through my day like normal (or like i\u2019m half asleep in some cases) and i wasn\u2019t there for anything. like i\u2019d come out and not remember that i just went to work or did laundry, normal stuff. i\u2019ve had entire conversations that i don\u2019t remember having. how could i just black out and go on with my day if i\u2019m not there??? there are some times we\u2019re i also feel like i\u2019m dreaming constantly. are any of these symptoms normal for bpd? i haven\u2019t been seen by a professional in ages and i just wonder if this is \u201cnormal\u201d for bpd.", "answer": "do you have a history of trauma?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bs0ddl", "comment_id": "bs0ddl"}, {"question": "severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* age: 18 * sex: female * height: 5\u20194\u201d * weight: 130 lbs * race: white * duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?) * location (geographic and on body): tx. brain * any existing relevant medical issues    * celiac disease       * not recently glutened    * adhd    * autism spectrum disorder    * depression       * decently well controlled. i had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but i am doing well now.    * anxiety    * vitamin d deficiency    * osteopoikilosis    * obsessive tendencies * current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)    * xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)    * focalin xr 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)    * abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. for autism irritability)    * zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)    * catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. used for sleep)  okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:  i've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. it started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where i cannot get anything done in school (and i desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so i can graduate!). any time i try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. i can't break through it. i can only complete assignments when i'm in the right mood which happens almost never. i can't think, i can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and i can't do anything i need to do. the only times i don't feel like this is when i get obsessed about something, or i'm at work. one day i may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the gedcom file for my family tree, the next i might be obsessed with studying for the ptce (i'm a pharmacy technician). i can function at work.  in addition to this, when i'm on my period, i get *really* depressed. like how bad it was freshman year. when i'm not on my period, i'm happy.  do i need to change adhd meds? or is something else wrong? i am desperate to find out what to do.  ​  edit: added dosages and sig", "answer": "aripiprazole and clonidine are excellent meds (for different purposes) but can cause daytime sedation. the sedation can impede the effectiveness of the focalin. it\u2019s possible that your psychiatrist has already taken all of this into account. but it\u2019s worth a discussion with her/him.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "bks367"}, {"question": "how do you manage having bpd and at the same time with bipolar type 2?", "description": "i'm still in the process of understanding and processing myself that i have bpd. it is my recent diagnosis.", "answer": "80% of the time it's because of medication that the dr. wanted to put you on. literally it would be nearly impossible to dx both without \"double dipping\", using the same symptom for both disorders. bpd includes all the hypomanic behavior usually. if you have a hx of trauma or verbal abuse, it would be even more likely that they are just doing it because they are 1) crap for differential diagnosis and 2) because an atypical antipsychotic required it.   sorry if that's not your case because this would come off as invalidating, but i've seen it tons and i've never seen a true differential dx that could show a real difference.   actually i bet a lot of people here we're dx with bipolar before they were finally recognized as bpd.   so, it changes nothing except the books and the pills. what you do and where you go is still up to you. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7xxqe3", "comment_id": "7xxqe3"}, {"question": "why does my psychiatrist want to talk to my therapist?", "description": "am i about to receive a new diagnoses?? ", "answer": "therapist here. i will consult whenever i can, especially with complex symptoms, with other providers. it may be that i want their perspective, or want to offer mine,  or simply to be sure we aren\u2019t doing anything at odds.   you can ask your psychiatrist. he should be willing to give you an explanation. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9qvhy9", "comment_id": "9qvhy9"}, {"question": "romanticizing pain as a coping mechanism", "description": "in my psych studies i\u2019ve seen a lot about romanticizing pain, drama, self-harm, etc. and how that\u2019s a bad thing. but i can\u2019t reconcile that with the thought that creativity rooted in pain can be very cathartic, and can make the most of a bad situation. like writing dark exciting poetry about bad times in my life reframes those events for me. this creativity also allows an empathy to be formed with an audience that relates to that kind of pain. can someone explain this? is this the same kind of romanticizing pain that gives people toxic thoughts or want to self-sabotage? is it something different? ", "answer": "i think that there's almost nothing better than using creative outlets to cope with mental illness and stress.  i think the issue is that many people start to believe that mental illness and pain is a necessity for creativity.  they believe that artists and musicians are/were creative purely because of their mental illness.  while it may have played some role as they used their medium to help them cope in some ways, they were creative in spite of their pain and illness.     what this does is undercut the seriousness of mental illness and the pain it can cause because often times, those without it, or at least without severe mental illness, think that it's something cool and maybe not as serious as it is.  for the most part, anyone really suffering with severe mental illness or in severe pain would do anything not to have it, while other folks almost wish they did because of the way it's romanticized.    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "98w9ob", "comment_id": "98w9ob"}, {"question": "how to help someone spend less money and cut down on impulse buying?", "description": "trying to financially better my so so we do not run into problems in the future. any tips on how to help someone save their money or mostly prioritize purchases would be helpful!! thank you!!", "answer": "make a budget. write down how much money comes in every month, how much typically gets spent on bills and food and whatnot (looking at the spending from past months is helpful to figure out what typical food spending is like for example), and then see how much is left over if anything. having a bank account with and online spending tracker or app is super helpful here.  then i would also open up a separate savings account purely for the purpose of saving. i opened up two online accounts with ally - they have a higher interest rate than my credit union, the only downside is it takes a few days to transfer money in/out so i use it for long-term saving. one account is savings for a future down payment on a house, the other is for a car. i estimated how much i would be paying in car payments and insurance monthly, and i just transfer that amount into the car savings account every month. that way i get used to spending that amount and i know that i can't touch it if it gets automatically transferred.   my credit union offers free financial advising, which helped me a lot. r/personalfinance has some beginner guides for budgeting as well.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "can17y", "comment_id": "can17y"}, {"question": "inlove with step sister.", "description": "a month ago my 14 year old stepsister (i am also 14) moved from cuba to the states, and ever since i laid eyes on her i have been non stop thinking about her, i constantly hug her because her skin feels amazing to the touch and it makes me feel happy, i currently live under the same roof as she does and we sleep in two seperate rooms, if she asks me to get her something i get it, its not a case of me being her bitch it's sortve as if im sired. i know that may sounf likr overexaggeration, but my life has been completely empty up until i met her, i've attempted to run away multiple times and i've had many issues at school up until i met her, i skipped school, and i was using drugs and ever since i met her all of this has stopped.", "answer": "find an adult you trust and talk to them", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m39s1", "comment_id": "5m39s1"}, {"question": "feeling sick to my stomach, still eating a lot but losing weight. what could it be?", "description": "for the last few weeks i have been excessively fatigued and tired to the point it is a huge struggle to keep my eyes open. i've been falling asleep at 9pm every night (waking up at like 7) and wake up exhausted with tired eyes. my stomach is slightly upset almost constantly (but has been getting better) and i do not have a strong appetite.  nevertheless, i am eating plenty (i have been going out quite a bit). yet, i realized i've lost a few pounds, and i feel like i am without any energy (not hungry but the feeling of famish). what could this be? i'm 26 f, healthy, not having sex, and am about 108 and 5'2 or a little over.", "answer": "how much is \"losing a few pounds\" and over what period of time?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6saye7", "comment_id": "6saye7"}, {"question": "what form of mental illness does she have?", "description": "i will start off by saying that i am not really sure which sub to use for this question. ever since i can remember, my mother has displayed some rather unusual behaviors. often times, especially when she is stressed out, she will start whispering to her self followed by a chuckle and then more whispers. we have been on the phone at times and she has zoned out and began to do this (which as you can imagine can be quite disturbing). when she is in a good mood, she will just laugh for hours in her bedroom. she claims she is \"just thinking\" but will never have a specific funny event to share. in general, my mom is quite distant (in her own world). she has no problem having a long rant about her issues but it seems as soon as anyone else starts talking about themselves, she zones right out. at one point, the zoning got so bad that even if you snapped your fingers in front of her face she would not react. once she threw herself on the floor and starting screaming at me while pounding her fists on the floor \"i want milk!!\". a few years ago, she stopped taking her anti-psychotics and she saw a person who was not there in the corner of our apartment. is this associated with any personality disorder? i couldn't find anything similar on the internet.  the symptoms change from what seems like one condition to the next over the years.     background: my mother has been diagnosed over the years with everything under the sun. ptsd, anxiety, bi polar 2, multiple personality disorder, borderline personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder), recently even add. she can not have all of these things. any insight would be appreciated. i can go into further detail of her other symptoms if desired.", "answer": "r/askdocs is usually the best place for something like this. nevertheless it all sounds very wierd and my money is on a combination of mental health disorders. she should really see one of us mental health professionals.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5zqlco", "comment_id": "5zqlco"}, {"question": "me [40 f] with my husband [56 m] 20 yrs, i think this is financial abuse, but he has aspd, and we have teens.", "description": "i've tried so many subs, but none seem \"right\"; hopefully this is. (title is for /r/relationships but...)  i don't even understand my husband's issues except \"personality disorder\" (psychopathy), but i knew that going in, and accept it even now, **so this is about me.** the man deserves to be loved (*everyone does*), and i married young, maybe even *because* judges and other professionals said to pack up and run from \"this guy\" (no meds could help him). but he'd been atrociously beaten as a child, and i've witnessed that he couldnt \"help\" it (he \"rewrites\" the truth in his head; i can't explain it). but i've accepted that i can't and won't turn my back on him. i made my bed.  he never wanted me to work, so i let my degree go to waste but that turned out okay: the man changed my life in positive ways (for real: i used to be so uptight, and now i'm different, in a good way), and he has been a great dad (mimicking maybe, but it works), and imo there is love there (as far as he's capable, i understand). and i think i've shown him \"normal family\" until recently: dinners every night, good conversation, hikes, we host parties, etc. only sometimes, every year or two, he gets *paranoid*. a few times, it's lasted weeks. but this past time, it seems to have \"stuck\" for almost a year, \"*under the surface*\" (at times unbeknownst to me): we ordered christmas presents together, and christmas seemed great, but then the bills came in, and he **forgot** he helped purchase the gifts. i've recently discovered he told people that i ordered the gifts \"fraudulently\" and bragged he could have me *jailed*. (he can't.)  we own a nice home, half in my name (since before marriage: it was a condition i had back then, if i weren't going to work). he's let it slip a few times that he is looking to *jail* me if i use *our joint account*. (i know he can't, and i fear he might tear off a teller's head if i used our account, so i just don't.) \"we\" had a credit card, but he cut it up and now it's only in his name. it had never mattered before, but since christmas, he says \"you broke our trust\" (like his is the judgement of god, with whom he is personal friends, of course). he \"allows\" me only to charge gas, but doles out \"gifts\" (food, etc *needs*) and has said i need to get a job to pay \"my\" bills. (he's successful, btw, and it used to be \"our\" bills.) this is scary and new, the way he thinks, but i've been looking for work (bad economy, but i'm hopeful). but worse yet is that the children are caught in the middle; something i never took into consideration, unfortunately. they mean the world to me (and i hope, to him! but i can't \"reason\" with him at all; he says i'm \"playing games\"). i suppose i wanted children with him particularly to \"heal\" him. to show him some kind of happy family life. i most certainly didn't expect **this.** and dammit i don't want those judges and shrinks he had to have been right. i love our kids; he loves our kids. he just has this *thought* in his head that won't go away.  i haven't bought new clothes in a few years (i wear my daughter's hand-me-downs); we never eat out anymore; no vacations. (he's hoarding for retirement; i try to put a good spin on it!) but our teens have to use *their inheritances* (not large ones) for basic needs, because they don't want to agitate him (and they claim \"it's right\" to do; it's **not.**)  these things are taking their toll ***on me.*** it's harder and harder to not call for help, and really, the only \"help\" i know of is legal:  divorce. psychiatry won't touch him. in fact, i've sought an ear (counselor, therapist) for myself: as soon as they realize i'm not exaggerating about his aspd, they *stop the therapy* unless i pack my bags.  so i'm stowing away money here and there to get my own things (but i always use it on the kids), and try to pretend things are normal. i \"ask\" him for things; he says yes or no. he'll go through periods of intense lovemaking, but then a few weeks of treating me like i'm an intruder (i can't explain it, but it's a little schizo-seeming). but some things he's withheld from me have been ***cruel*** (medicines, where a doctor pulled out her wallet and offered me cash for the antibiotics, which i declined and finally talked my husband into getting for me). i hate this whole \"financial abuse\" atmosphere, but though i spend nothing (he buys for me, period), he acts like breathing air is a privelege he allows me.  i'm looking for a job, but i think i'm truly scared he'll do what he did before i got pregnant: *sabotage* my jobs. i'm too old now to \"job hop\". i'm really at odds with myself, plus **i feel so guilty for letting this tension slowly build and upset the kids!**  i have determined that if my husband tries to sabotage any job i might get, i'll file charges. (no divorce; we've done this before, usually after a physical altercation, where i'm state's witness and he's the defendant. talk about walking a tightrope: i tell the judge of his aspd and offer solutions, he accuses the judge of something that shuts *his lawyer* up, he gets found guilty, he's fined, and we drive home together before school gets out.) it's completely nuts. but now, i feel i have to have a new line in the sand, so job sabotage is going to be it, i guess. between now and then, i'm just unsure what to do. i want some outsider insight, i guess. maybe there's something i could be doing better. because i'm still of the mind that **he** shouldn't have to go to jail because his mother *beat* him. (she's dead.)  ---    **tl;dr**: husband with anti-social pd has me holed in financially, and i'm scared, and we have teens getting stressed if i stand up for myself (which works best), but surely they're distressed regardless to see their \"awesome dad\" treat me cruelly at times. **i feel stuck.** *if this is \"relationship\", i'm sorry, and i'll move the post.* i don't know what this is, tbh.", "answer": "i see a lot that you don't want to leave him. you've taken up for him, and you've been very understanding of his past and history, and given him as much love and family life as you could have, but at this point, the main concern needs to be for the safety of your children and you. while it seems that you've done your best to hide this from them, i promise you that they know. you mention how awful your husband's childhood was, but this situation can be just as awful.       what kind of family or friends do you have around? is it possible that you and the children could stay with them? there are also places that help women without jobs who need help getting on their feet.       i think, as you've shown, there is a clear pattern to his behavior, and it appears to be getting worse. please consider your children, and letting them get out of there to have a better chance at being kids.   finally, while this might not be the place, i'm of the (limited) opinion that your husband's condition is more serious than aspd. it does no good to guess beyond that, but i think it speaks to the fact that your situation might be even worse than you've talked about here. if you don't think you can leave for yourself, please think about your children. if you're worried about them not having a father around, think about what it might be like for them to have him around. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ezoje", "comment_id": "2ezoje"}, {"question": "what makes a mental illness?", "description": "i always seem to find articles on groups of people that don't fit the social norm (most recently on transgendered people) in which the comments section is full of bigotry, labelling said people as \"mentally ill\", or saying their condition should be treated as much as schizophrenia, etc. to paraphrase one commenter: \"since we are allowing transgendered people to continue their \"delusion\", giving them surgery instead of treating their mental disorder, why don't we just allow schizophrenics to continue their delusions?\"  as i see it, people are labelled mentally ill when enough of society agrees that they are. whether enough means everyone, or half of us, depends on the case, but in the end, it comes down to whether or not others are willing to accept the \"ill\" person as they are.  i am asking this question because i want to learn, so please do not be harsh in your responses.   thanks in advance", "answer": "you only have a mental illness when an emotion, feeling, behavior, or cognition is causing you marked distress, and you (not society) consider it an impairment on your ability to function.  if any emotion, feeling, behavior, or cognition is not doing this, you do not have a mental illness. so transgender people are not considered mentally ill in the mental health field. this is because being transgender will not necessarily result in marked distress.   it is common for transgender people to also suffer from mental health issues. however, this is likely because a part of themselves is not considered normal to society, which would cause them to suffer from other mental health symptoms (commonly depression, anxiety, etc.)  schizophrenia, however, is a disorder that will likely result in several events of marked distress. the symptoms of this disorder will necessarily result in emotions, feelings, behaviors, and cognitions that will lead to impairment.  this is a pretty important rule for all therapists. i have a client that has diagnosed schizophrenia. however he takes stabilized medication, continues to see a case manager, and lives a pretty normal live. from a diagnostic level, he does not need therapy. it's possible to be schizophrenic and not need therapy, just like it's possible to be transgender and need therapy. it's not dependent on symptoms. it's only dependent on your impairment to lead a normal life.   source: i'm a therapist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4b9bjl", "comment_id": "4b9bjl"}, {"question": "state mental health budget cuts", "description": "i work as a house manager at a group home in missouri which provides services to kids and young adults with a myriad of behavior issues and developmental disabilities. budget cuts are hitting hard and will very soon be affecting the amount of staff we can have at any given time to support these clients. i need help, who can i contact and what can i do to make my voice and those that i work with/for heard?", "answer": "contact anyone and everyone. contact your mayor, governor, your state representatives, your us senators, and your us representative. and see if you can find any grants. in these times- searching high and low and being relentless and risking being annoying is your best bet.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gaacs", "comment_id": "1gaacs"}, {"question": "not sure what to do [15/m] [15/f]", "description": "over the past year, me and a girl in my band class have become increasingly better friends. we bonded through talking about my past relationship (which was with one of her friends) which turned sour in the end. every since we've talked a whole lot, and the memory of that other girl has faded away almost entirely. of course, as guys tend to do, i've looked for other girls. and i ended up looking towards her. we actually have a ton in common, and have similar aspirations. she even motivated me to work towards becoming drum major in my senior year. she's even said that she trusts me with pretty much anything. but i can tell i'm rapidly descending into the friendzone. at the moment, she can't really decide what she thinks of this other guy who she used to be with, and is trying to figure out what she really wants. i don't want to be the shoulder to cry on, but i still want to be able to encourage and help her. how do i maintain a distance while still helping her?", "answer": "can you be her friend without suffering the pain of longing for her?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zffdc", "comment_id": "6zffdc"}, {"question": "11.1 wbc.", "description": "30/female 5'5 165 caucasian. meds: 1000mg keppra, 100mg zoloft, junel fe birth control  blood work taken on tuesday  i had routine blood work done on tuesday and received the results today over the phone. everything was normal, but my wbc was 11.1 and she said they'd test again in 6-9 months. i'm freaking out.   my blood work from a couple years ago was normal, but i've started a few meds since then (keppra for epilepsy, zoloft and birth control). could any of those cause elevated wbc? a few days before i had the bloodwork done i had a weird seasonal allergy thing going on, very leaky eyes and nose, constantly sneezing. that lasted for a day or two and i typically don't suffer from allergies. could that cause high wbc?   does 11.1 indicate possible cancer? how common is it to have high wbc? i'm worried about waiting 6-9 months for more bloodwork, should i request it be done sooner? i'm very worried. ", "answer": "normal wbc is, depending on the lab, something like 4-11. 11.1 is the minimum over normal. in most cases, it's also normal, off by a negligible amount. all automatic flags (high or low) by labs are set such that they over-detect rather than under-detect, so the lab flags that even though in almost all cases it's of no significance.  if your white count went from 4.5 to 11.1 over one month i might be more concerned, but even then i would suspect instead an infection, maybe even one so minor you didn't feel it. but in your case, you do feel something. high white count doesn't cause sneezing, but sneezing, if it's due to upper respiratory infection, can and should cause an elevated white count. that's your body normally mounting an immune response.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b5fqgr", "comment_id": "b5fqgr"}, {"question": "need some advice", "description": "i have confessed my feeling to my long time crush. she neither rejected me nor accepted me. but after that day, we were getting close. we dated a couple of times. she told me her personal story. we're chatting everyday. but sometimes i feel like i'm nobody to her. i have no clue how she thinks of me. she's talking to every guys who comment on her post like they're close but some guys she don't even know them. she always said no one love her. oh yeah! sometimes her ex call her she always talk to him and she told me everytime. i really want to ask her what am i to her, but i can't do it. i'm afraid she angry. i'm afraid it ruins our relationship. what should i do? what does she think of me?", "answer": "ask her what her feelings and expectations are", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76caj0", "comment_id": "76caj0"}, {"question": "tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "hi all,  \\*\\*\\*\\*warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*  i am new to the sub, but i am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. it gives me hope i haven't had in a long time. a little background about me:  i have ptsd due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if i told anyone what was going on. he raped me while he was drunk, and when i tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where i slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. i also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. there is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.  i am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. i am very grateful to have my husband, but i know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and i have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.  unfortunately, though i have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. i was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to aa? i would really appreciate any insights you all have.  keep fighting the good fight. thanks for being here.", "answer": "if you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer employee assistance programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions.  if your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy.    raain is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches.  if you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable.    there are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative.  anything by brene brown is great for this, i also frequently recommend the body keep the score (i have no relationship to either author, i just find their work to be good and solidly research based).  if you have a local library card, apps like libby and hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).  and if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit).  you might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc.  it sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.  if you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.  [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)  i hope you find some good support in the meantime, and i hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "97jnlr"}, {"question": "role of a pyschiatrist during mental breakdown/possible malpractice?", "description": "preface: this is a long post, but my family will forever be indebted to the people who answer this. thank you in advance for your time.  30, female, smoker, adhd/depression,1 year, mental health,   i am not a doctor so please excuse the non-specific terms like 'mental breakdown' and similar words i use in this post, but here's what is happening:  my cousin is going crazy and it's obvious to everyone in our family. long story short, about a year ago, her husband cheated on her. in addition to going through a depressive episode, she has been tracking his every move ever since, e.g. tracking the mileage in his car, reading his messages, etc. to be clear, this is not why we think she is going crazy.  about a month ago, she started making insane claims. first, she thinks her neighbors and random people in her development are watching her. she has called the police because of this, and the police found no evidence that anyone is systematically watching her. then, she claimed that the reason people are watching her has something to do with her husband, and that when she calls 911, her phone is actually being redirected to a fake cop that her husband set up to pretend as if 911 is coming (e.g. the police asked her where in the house she was during one conversation, so she came to the conclusion that this couldn't be the real police, it was someone set up by her husband). similarly, she believes her husband has somehow programmed her phone to redirect calls (and to be clear, her husband does not possess any particular technical skills).  she then showed our family a slow-motion, all black video, where nothing in particular is going on, and said this is evidence that her daughter is being molested by the husband. multiple family members have watched the video and her claim is absurd. despite that, she has reported to the police and cps that he is molesting her, using the video as her sole evidence. a few weeks later, based on the data she has from tracking his car, she came to the conclusion that because he makes random stops throughout the day, that this is because he is taking random children into abandoned houses and molesting them (and therefore just returns these random children to their parents after he's done, i guess, considering he does not work with children/has no particular reason to have any formal relationship with children). then, she claimed that her husband is posioning her via the pipes in her house (which would also mean he is poisoning his own daughter). she got a toxicology report, and they said there is no evidence she has been posioned. this is all in addition to other elaborate, random, impossible to follow, conspirary-esque stories she has told us that no reasonable person would believe (e.g. a few days ago she was at the grocery store, and the driver side door wouldn't open, but all the other doors would. she called 911 because she thought this had something to do with her husband trying to kill her. similarly, she accused her mom of having an affair with her husband).  to recap her claims: 1) neighbors and random people are watching her 2) husband, who is not an engineer or anything of the sort, has somehow programmed her phone so when she makes calls to 911, the call is being redirected to a fake person who he set up to pretend as if they are 911. similarly, in general, her phone has been hacked by him and he redirects all her calls according to his master plan. 3) husband is molesting her daughter, based upon a video that all of my family members have watched, which is simply an all-black, slow-motion video that shows nothing in particular. 4) husband is now picking up children, molesting them in abandoned houses, and then returning kids to where he originally found them 5) husband is poisoning her via her water pipes (she had a toxicology report, no evidence she is being poisoned)  not only is she my cousin, but we worked together for multiple years, and this is not how she normally behaves. yet, incredibly, the pyschiatrist that she sees every 3 weeks claims that nothing is wrong. he hasn't increased how often they meet, no change in medication, hasn't had her come in after these manic breakdowns where the police show up to her house. a few nights ago, while the police were at her house, our family called him in hope that something could be done. nope. he told us we need to be on her side (she does not believe she is going crazy, so being on her side meaning to believe & tolerate the nonsense she is telling us). similarly, in regard to the molestation, he said the daughter is showing classic signs of being molested. however, he has never even met the daughter in-person, so it's entirely unclear to us how he came to this conclusion. fyi the daugher is 3.  our family thinks the pyschiatrist is failing her, and perhaps comitting malpractice. it's hard to imagine this qualifies as standard-of-care, but perhaps we're wrong. we have called him/wrote him emails expressing our belief that she is not in the right state of mind, and he does not think anything out of the ordinary is going on. any thoughts/comments would be greatly appreciated; we have no idea what to do.", "answer": "psychiatrist here. perhaps the psychiatrist is not allowed to share certain information with you? where do you live?   i recommend accompanying her on a session to see how it goes and express your concerns there.   not a lawyer but i think malpractice is difficult to pursue if you're not the patient and the patient doesn't think there is a problem.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cbqq9z", "comment_id": "cbqq9z"}, {"question": "i need help with a girl.", "description": "hey guys this is my first time posting and a throw away account but i'll give this a try:) (sorry for length)  a little background. ok so i'm a 17 year old male in high school. i have only had 1 girlfriend and that was 8th grade. withought being cocky or anything i feel i have to mention that i am one of the most popular people in my school and i've been told by many girls i'm by far the most attractive guy in my school (1,500 people in my hs) but, i am an introvert. so i like to be alone a lot, i don't have any problem talking to girls but i just don't much. anyway, i'm very odd in the fact that i can pretty much have any girl i want but i don't have any of them because i don't want them haha. long story short, i now have the reputation of being very \"hot\" but i'm not interested in girls, which atleast in my school is true. until a certain lady moved to my school a few months ago and i can't get her off my mind. this is probably bad story telling so if people respond i'll clarify but really me question is what do i do? literally every girl likes me, and i can feel stare at me a lot except her, like the only girl i care about noticing me, i don't think she does. i'll make a move if i get a signal bc she is talkin to someone right now and i don't want to mess that up for her for no reason. anyway, i don't want to go in depth because i prolly won't get a response but if i do i will clarify i few things! thanks guys:)", "answer": "just ask her out like a human being would. try not to over-awe her with your amazingness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694xoc", "comment_id": "694xoc"}, {"question": "do you hyperfocus on negative thoughts?", "description": "because i do, and it's been the cause of some of the worst moments of my life. i will get stuck in a negative idea. it could be a bad memory or a worry about the future. i will think about it obsessively until i'm having an emotional breakdown. i feel like i can't focus on anything else. the thoughts i'm having feel like the only thing that exists. it's in these moments that i've felt suicidal and engaged in self injury.   it's hard to talk about with people because, honestly, it makes me feel like a crazy person. it's also hard to explain how most of the time i'm not suicidal or extremely depressed. it's just in those moments where i feel like i can't control my thoughts.  you guys know what i mean?", "answer": "i do this! as hard as it sounds, when i have the negative thought in question i look around and pick five colours that i can see. it doesn't get rid of the feeling but it sometimes distracts me long enough to interrupt the loop for a little while.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ayfz81", "comment_id": "ayfz81"}, {"question": "why is this website so fucking cruel to transgender people?", "description": "feels like every fucking day there's a thread or something that involves trashing trans people such as myself, and it's making it feel like blowing my head off is a good option again. \"i'd never date a trans person\", \"trans people are disgusting\", tranny this and tranny that.   i've never felt so fucking ugly before. i wish i still had my pistol. dunno why i'm bothering posting here, not like anyones gonna really care. most posts only get a shitty, uninspiring \"don't give up\"  and that's it. whatever, maybe this will serve as a foundation for a suicide note or somethig.  edit: i think im beyond saving at this point .thanks to everyone who tried, but it feels like i cant even get support here without being fetishized, told to go to different subreddits, and that \"its all in my head\". gonna actually plan it all out this time. peace.", "answer": "fuck, i'm sorry. i don't get it. it's not just this website sadly.  translifelife is a hotline put on by and for trans people. they are good people. (877) 565-8860 in the us, don't know where you are.  sometimes it just helps to talk to people that actually get it.", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "4bjd22", "comment_id": "4bjd22"}, {"question": "since caffeine is a drug, does it effect depression and other mental health issues as alcohol and drugs do?", "description": "edit: everyone thank you so much for the comments but i meant more in the long run.", "answer": "of course it does.  it can help a lot with certain things and cause a lot of problems with other issues.    simply google the effects of caffeine on the body/mind.  you\u2019ll find most of your answers.  it can be a helpful way of self-medicating the low energy aspects of anxiety and can help those with adhd focus some, but for folks with high anxiety it will really do a number on you.    a couple of downsides is that it can contribute to poor sleep habits and poor diet as caffeine is an appetite suppressant.  if you\u2019re not sleeping well or eating healthy it will have a pretty severe impact on your mental health.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8yceck", "comment_id": "8yceck"}, {"question": "medication and sleep cycles", "description": "so, i figured this might be a best spot to ask about this, but i seem to have my sleep cycle occasionally drastically out of whack now that i've been on medication. it's not consistent, but i woke up today at 10:30 pm, after having gone to sleep something like, 4 in the morning (which is late, but not atypical for me). so, i'm looking at something like 18 hours of sleep in one shot i just had. anyone else have similar sorts of things occur?  i've currently been on escitalopram since last may, reaching my current dosage level last september, and buproprin since october or november, with the hope of preventing this from occurring. although this is the first time in  couple months this has happened. it's not so bad when it happens on a weekend, but it's still... concerning.", "answer": "while it could be your medicine, it's probably your lack of normal sleep cycle. going to bed at 4 am isn't really great for you. especially if you do it semi-regularly, or in conjunction with trying to have a somewhat normal schedule during the week. try practicing better sleep hygiene. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xi8id", "comment_id": "1xi8id"}, {"question": "made appointment with psychologist", "description": "hello everyone i made a previous post about my acne problem and i decided to take the advice to tell my counselor it's effects it's having on me. they appointed me to a psychologist but to fix my skin i need a dermatologist. can a psychologist tell my mom i need to go to the dermatologist or do anything like sending me to the dermatologist?", "answer": "psychologists=therapist more or less. you'd need a referral from your primary care doctor or with some insurance you can just research a dermatologist near you and make an appointment. i'd you're worried about talking with your mom about a therapist can help you have that conversation. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "72y30r", "comment_id": "72y30r"}, {"question": "is schizophrenia the only mental illness where a person sees and hears things?", "description": "my wife says that she sees/hears things in the apartment and that there's a portal to another dimension there. she accused me of being possessed by evil forces before for no reason whatsoever. she lives in her own fantasy world of some type of fundamentalist-extreme veganism. she won't eat most green vegetables as according to her sentient beings die. she says that humans are only meant to eat grains and pasta. her moods swings are extreme. so is her yelling and manipulation. she wants me to live like she lives or else threats come along. she's against all medicine. could she have schizophrenia? any guesses?", "answer": "no, there are multiple reasons that a person could have hallucinations.  this includes: schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder with psychotic features, alcohol or benzodiazepine withdrawal, as well as medical conditions such as brain tumor or other issues.   given the florid hallucinations, active delusions, paranoia, and mood swings it could be schizophrenia, but maybe more likely schizoaffective disorder or a manic phase of bipolar disorder. either way, she needs medical/psychiatric care immediately. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2apgqc", "comment_id": "2apgqc"}, {"question": "sobriety without the 12 steps.", "description": "someone over at r/redditorsinrecovery posed a question about staying sober w/out attending meetings and it led me to wonder -  is sobriety possible without working the 12 steps?", "answer": "yes.  aa itself describes the steps as \"*suggested* as a program of recovery.\"", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "224fas", "comment_id": "224fas"}, {"question": "knowing somebody \u201cfor a long time\u201d does not necessarily make you friends.", "description": "don\u2019t fall into this cognitive trap. just because you have known a person for a long time, does not automatically mean that you know that person. people often attribute the time they\u2019ve known another person to how close their relationship is, but in reality, this perceived closeness could be one-sided.   it actually doesn\u2019t matter how long you\u2019ve known someone. people can flip on you at any moment. i was best friends with a guy for 7 years before he flipped on me and revealed how evil and miserable he truly was.   it\u2019s better to evaluate your relationships based on your connection with the person, rather than how long you\u2019ve known them.", "answer": "it\u2019s the proximity principle of social psychology", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "hse81q", "comment_id": "hse81q"}, {"question": "my [m/26] gf [f/25] want s to talk about \"future\", but i feel it's too early.", "description": "my gf and i have been together for 2.5 years, and things have been going well. i'd like to move in with her once our leases are up in the end of spring. however, once i brought up moving in, she decided to start the whole entire \"future\" conversation, and i honestly do not feel like we are at that point yet. i'm only 26 and she is only 25 and i don't think i should have to be thinking about when/if we are going to get married or what we are going to name children, but she says she want to know my \"timeline\". i don't like idea of timeline, i think it is pressuring and pointless, because i do not want to hold myself to any kind of deadline. i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what i choose, but i feel like she is trying to close off other options. how do i deal with this and let her know that she needs to back off? tl;dr: gf want to talk future, i think it's too early. ", "answer": "> i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what i choose  yeah, so ... this is not how that works. marriage and kids should be a joint discussion, and at 2.5 years it's entirely reasonable for her to make sure you're on the same page. this doesn't mean hard deadlines and naming future crib midgets ... but if you said you wanted to get married at 40, and she wanted to get married in the next 2 years, that would be a giant deal.   > let her know that she needs to back off?  oy. be an adult, have the discussion. she shouldn't just be expected to hang out and shut up until you feel like moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3uvw4x", "comment_id": "3uvw4x"}, {"question": "how do doctors decide what ssri (antidepressant) to prescribe you first?", "description": "my understanding is there are quite a few of them, and they each have their own side effects, but at the end of the day they do pretty much the same thing...so how does a doctor choose which one to prescribe?  for example, i was initially prescribed 50mg of sertraline (zoloft) bumped up to 100mg after 2 weeks, with plans to bump it up to 200mg at some point. other than my condition (obsessive compulsive disorder) i am a relatively healthy young person: 23f, no other medical conditions, no medical allergies, healthy weight/fitness, only occasional recreational drug/alcohol use. from what i've read online, sertraline isn't the first-line medication for ocd (as far as i know, there isn't one).  anyway, just curious!", "answer": "whilst it's a bit of a dark art in choosing the right antidepressant for an individual, there are large studies that have been helpful in differentiating the relative efficacy of antidepressants (eg. cipriani et al).  sertraline, venlafaxine, mirtazapine, and escitalopram, tend to top the list for depression. others (eg paroxetine) pop up for anxiety and ocd.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6nyu6g", "comment_id": "6nyu6g"}, {"question": "ocd worries.", "description": "when my ocd switches,say from hocd to pocd,i don't even worry about my hocd. why is that? ", "answer": "it's irrational. you need to remind yourself that all these fears are irrational, and your post is evidence of that. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "4yxr0d", "comment_id": "4yxr0d"}, {"question": "options for dealing with miserable (likely) dyshidrotic eczema?", "description": "[photo](WEBLINK)  38 yowm. 5'11, 165#.   this is on the right foot only. tiny, fluid-filled vesicles all over the toes and foot that itch like mad. i've had it going on probably 15+ years, and lately it seems to be getting worse. flare-ups once or twice weekly. the itch is so intense it's overwhelming. i often resort to using sandpaper to take skin off until it hurts instead of itches, because i can at least sleep with pain. the open spot on the little toe in the photo is due to scratching.  i haven't seen a doctor for it yet, have tried lots of otc creams to no avail. at its worst i've actually thought about amputating the toes, the itch is so bad (not that i would actually do that).  i've read the common recommendation is to keep the feet moist; unfortunately, i'm also prone to athlete's foot, and i'm supposed to keep my feet *dry* to prevent that. so, i opted to go with the eczema, because at least that isn't contagious. i understand this condition is potentially lifelong without much for treatment or cures, but there's got to be *something*, it's getting worse and it's starting to interfere with daily life a lot.", "answer": "it sounds like it's time to see a doctor. among other options, higher potency topical steroids could be helpful. there are also topical calcineurin inhibitors, which i know are used for eczema and are not as fast-acting but could prevent these outbreaks, potentially. a dermatologist would be the expert for this kind of thing, but primary care can get you started.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ci67uj", "comment_id": "ci67uj"}, {"question": "dementia help", "description": "hi, to clarify i\u2019m a 17 year old if that can give any potential help for someone my age, and my best friend (my grandad) has been diagnosed with dementia. now this will sound horrible and heartless but i just can\u2019t stand being with him anymore. i\u2019ve tried so hard but it\u2019s just not the same, he\u2019s just not the best friend i\u2019ve spent my entire life growing up with. while i\u2019ll probably be judged heavily for this does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with it better? it\u2019s absolutely destroying me ever since..", "answer": "one of the horrible things about dementia is you can lose the person you love while that person is still alive. no one should judge you for that; it's a terrible thing to deal with.  it's up to you and your family whether you want to spend time with him now. even if it's not something you enjoy, it could be something worth doing if your grandfather enjoys your company still. or if your family feels better when he gets visitors. you'd have to think of it as a sacrifice you're making for other people, not for your own enjoyment.  sometimes it's okay to mourn and not visit, too. it's something to figure out for yourself and with your family. don't let other people try to judge and guilt you over it\u2014they're not experiencing it as you are.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ean27j", "comment_id": "ean27j"}, {"question": "what makes me violent?", "description": "background; i had a decent big city upbringing, no struggles, i saw a decent amount of dead bodies growing up though because mob controlled area. iq of 140, i suffer from paranoid personality disorder, and anxiety. i don't want to ask a professional because i don't want to worry them, but when i get in a bad mood i want to kill people. usually the thought is slowly with a knife or just a stick/bat. i can control it very easily, so don't worry about that, i just wonder why i have those thoughts. it makes me feel insane. sorry for english, not first language", "answer": "having these thoughts, specifically for someone with a very high iq and having experienced what you have is not that abnormal or worrisome by itself (so long as you never feel as though you might act on them or will be unable to control your impulse to act on them).  when people come to the realization that they actually possess the power to kill someone else (every single person has this power) and it is just a matter of your choice and will-power that stops you, it can be very anxiety producing and at times overwhelming.    many ask themselves \"what's to stop me from doing it?\"  the answer is the same one that's been there all along.... you're there to stop you from doing it.  the overwhelming majority of people don't murder though almost every single person has thought about someone they'd like to.    if either you feel overwhelmed by the anxiety caused by this or if you ever feel as though you might lose control and act on these thoughts, seek professional help immediately.  don't worry about upsetting or worrying a doctor or therapist.  we deal with this sort of thing all the time.  it's our job.    lastly, i'm sorry to hear that you experienced all of that as a child.  i think it might be good to see a therapist to talk about it anyway before anything manifests that could cause you or others severe problems down the line.  good luck!  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zg9n5", "comment_id": "7zg9n5"}, {"question": "i'm being referred to a neurologist?", "description": "i'm sorry if this is the wrong thread to be posting this in, but i had an appointment with a psychologist for the first time a couple of days ago, and it all seemed to be proceeding as normal until i described to her how i see things and hear things that aren't real. after further questioning about paranoia and what exactly i'm seeing/hearing, she told me she was going to refer me to a neurologist to get a brain scan. i was too afraid to ask why, so do you guys maybe know (or can guess) why she's doing this? what would a brain scan accomplish?", "answer": "she's probably trying to rule out medical or neurological  causes to your symptoms ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2f7k4t", "comment_id": "2f7k4t"}, {"question": "when your friends don\u2019t believe or care when you say you\u2019re suicidal", "description": ":( i guess they\u2019ll care when i\u2019m gone right", "answer": "if they don\u2019t care now, they probably won\u2019t care then", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "clc8a8", "comment_id": "clc8a8"}, {"question": "i'm pretty sure my bf has an interest in males", "description": "he been throwing hits here and there and i'm not sure what to do? should i confront him? ignore it?leave him? i don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about it  edit: i came across a few messages a year ago and a few months ago about him making plans to  meet another guy for a sexual relationship i'm positive it's a guy (been together for 7 years)", "answer": "are you exclusive?  if no, there's nothing to confront.  if yes, are you willing to trust him?    - if yes, relax.     - if no, then you can tell him that you're scared and ask him if he'll talk to you about it.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqx2h", "comment_id": "6iqx2h"}, {"question": "was watching an interview with a therapist who counseled serial killers and had some questions", "description": "1. are you bound by confidentiality after you leave your profession?  2. how is it possible that we can hear recordings or accounts of a serial killer\u2019s therapy session? if they are in prison for hurting someone and can\u2019t hurt anymore are they not entitled to confidentiality? the counseling sessions took place while they were incarcerated.", "answer": "i have never heard a recording of a serial killer in a therapy session. i have heard recordings of serial killers interviewed by investigators, analysts and reporters/journalists.  yes confidentiality extends past termination. if someone wanted me to breach confidentiality after the patient\u2019s death i would require a subpoena or release (depending on the circumstances) and i would hire an attorney and treatment team to evaluate the cost/benefit of disclosure.   on one occasion i had a patient who\u2019s wife had committed suicide. the husband was struggling to understand the death and requested her therapist\u2019s notes. after speaking with an attorney and an ethics panel, she decided to release them to me to review with the husband as i saw fit. that\u2019s an excellent example of how confidentiality is handled post mortem.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bu7w2d", "comment_id": "bu7w2d"}, {"question": "please write me a guide on picking a great doctor like a pro", "description": "age: 26 sex: male height: 5\u20197 weight: 185lbs race: middle eastern existing medical issues: none medications: none other: dont drink or smoke.  the difference between an average, or even between a good and great doctor has a massive impact on your health and wellbeing. most of my google searches took me to posts talking about affordability - how to pick doctors based on your insurance etc.  i don't care about that. may sound financially reckless, but that's why i save - to be able to splurge on what actually matters. i want to know how to pick great doctors. not good. great. and if burning a couple thousand dollars is what it takes, ill swallow the pill because my health problems are making me miserable and my public health insurance doctors are dropping the ball (not to mention ridiculous waiting times).  how should i pick them? my interests are, in order of importance: sleep (huge one), urology, physiotherapy, psychology and psychiatry. maybe endocrinologists to discuss keto and fasting with since most nutritionists in my country still use the food pyramid.  should i go for those working at hospitals or not? is the fact that they teach (professors) mean they are better or worse doctors? are surgeons really more eager to push for surgery like they say in scrubs and grey's anatomy (i know... but if you don't ask..)? give me the 101 on how to find the greatest doctor for every field!  \\*i do not live in the us so i may not have access to well known medical indexes. but healthcare is way cheaper in here (israel)", "answer": "there\u2019s not really such a thing as a great doctor at doctoring. instead, doctors may be very good at their specialties, or at specific things (usually procedures). if you have no illness that needs diagnosis and treatment, you don\u2019t really need that kind of greatness.  what you may be looking for is clinical acumen coupled with basic (but not common!) interpersonal skills. someone who can listen, think, and help you make plans.  but i\u2019d be very careful about coming in with preconceived ideas. you can certainly find ketogenic diet enthusiasts among doctors, but the evidence isn\u2019t there to back to enthusiasm, really. what you\u2019ll get is someone who is willing to be bold over being correct. there\u2019s a time and place for that, but it isn\u2019t always. in a doctor, that can get you inappropriate plans, harmful treatment, and worse than standard of care.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dtr32c", "comment_id": "dtr32c"}, {"question": "need help from those with more experience", "description": "tl;dr: this may get deleted for listing my symptoms and asking for help, but i'm posting it anyway because i want to know about others experiences. i don't think my diagnosis is right, and i want to know if what i am going through sounds like anyone else's experience with adhd and/or other diagnoses. feel free to read through, and i'd appreciate any words of wisdom that you would like to spare....  original post: need a little help. i personally believe that i have bpd & adhd, my doctor on the other hand thinks it is adhd and bipolar depression with mostly depressive aspects and mixed-states. i wanted to see what others think, because i feel that i present well, despite what is going on in my head, and i have been told that i don't present like other clients with bpd. i'm going to list out everything i can think of that may apply, then post it in the bpd, bipolar, and adhd sections to see what people think. here is everything i can think of:  *depression  *suicidal thoughts (every day for at least a year, but has been common throughout my life)  *3 attempts in the past  *anger, irritability, frustration (frustration being the underlying factor)  *quickly irritated by stupid things  *can't handle rejection, or even the thought of rejection, so i've just stopped putting myself out there the last few months  *complete breakdowns after a breakup, or rejection  *feel like i have no idea who i am most of the time  *overreactions to everything (i get frustrated about something stupid and then either yell or view it as just another reason to kill myself)  *easily distracted  *always fidgeting  *very obsessive thoughts  *impulsive buyer  *feel empty & that gets better when i'm with someone  *everything turns into a reason to kill myself eventually, and i've kind of given up on expecting anything good to last  *cannot maintain a feeling of happiness, or even a feeling of being content  *rarely will dissociate when angry or upset enough  *i take everything personally, even if i shouldn't  *good personal skills when i know someone well, but cannot form attachments to new people and am frequently told that i \"don't understand social cues\" or that i am \"awkward\"  *can't stop myself from talking sometimes  *feel like i'm the scapegoat in every group  *feel there is something fundamentally wrong with me that can never be fixed  *cannot stop scratching/picking at my head/face, or biting the inside of my mouth  *usually angry about something, but can't express it in a positive way, so then become suicidal  *extreme all-or-nothing with friendships and activities  *will do/say something that seems normal to me, but is viewed as odd  *will do/say something and then wonder why i did that because i think it was odd  *genuinely do not see a future for myself in which i can be happy  *cannot take a compliment, and have difficulty giving compliments  *uncomfortable in group settings  *known to binge-eat  *difficulty being social without drinking/smoking  *difficulty connecting to people  *cannot find the mid-ground in anything  *stubborn  *emotionally erratic  *cannot make decisions for the life of me  *having options leaves me in a state of anxiety  *get angry, depressed, or suicidal from simply from having to make choices   i think that is it. i feel like the physical symptoms of depression, anxiety, and adhd have been reduced through treatment (currently vyvanse, tms, and therapy), and my mood has somewhat improved, but thoughts haven't changed and are pretty ingrained into my personality i think. things do get better when i'm in a relationship or seeing someone, but that is pretty much the only time i can feel that i am okay with my life, and i tend to get involved with pretty toxic people.  (disclaimer: i know that soliciting diagnostic advice from reddit isn't advised, but i'm curious as to others' experiences.) may or may not add more to this list if i can think of anything. probably not going to edit or revise this to make it look nice, only because i'm exhausted and have work to do.  thanks in advance for all your help! ", "answer": "with the rejection sensitivity (which is a hallmark of bpd), there is also a concept called \"rejection sensitive dysphoria\" which can be common with adhd.  it is associated with experiencing extreme criticism from others.  google the term to read more about it. i do commend you on your willingness to look at yourself and grow. just remember that you are doing the best you can and growth is on your terms...even if others are not able to \"get you\".  that just shows their lack of growth and understanding. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "64i179", "comment_id": "64i179"}, {"question": "at a crossroads", "description": "so my boyfriend and myself have been together for about 3 yrs and 4 months, and i'm at a crossroads with our relationship.  i love him, there's no doubt about that. in everyway. he's a good person, a fantastic boyfriend and an awesome lover. he's good looking and has a fantastic personality. a very weird guy but i like weird. :) he supports me a lot, so much so that i'm almost afraid that i won't keep my shit together without him. and that's where the problem is.......i want to break up with him, but i also don't. i miss being single but when i'm single i miss being taken by someone who's just as awesome as him.  i'm an adventurer, i like moving around different towns, meeting new ppl, making new friends, and see where life takes me. while he's more of a one town guy. he's been here since he was 10 and doesn't plan on moving or exploring anytime soon. he's extremely attached to his dad and handful of friends that he has, and is afraid of leaving them. we don't have any kids, or pets together, nothing is in our name together other than our current apartment, which we're living in till june 2018. i don't know what to do, i don't want to break up with him, only to realize that life sucks without him but i also don't want to stick around and do the same thing we've been doing for the last 3 yrs or so. any advice or tips is greatly appreciated.  also i'm 27, and he's 31. (don't know if age will play a factor in the tip advice.) ", "answer": "you have to choose between your need to expand your horizons or him. i have a feeling you'll regret it if you don't do the former.  \"twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover.\u201d  -mark twain ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wy3sn", "comment_id": "6wy3sn"}, {"question": "schizophrenic mother, please help me.", "description": "she started taking a med for it 8 years ago and was fine since, but she stopped taking it for no reason a few months ago and now she is saying nonsense things all day long (the mafia is plotting against her, etc). she talks alone (she claims she is making a novel). she yells at janitors are stealing her mails. i'm very nervous, i don't know what to do. i'm 23 and i'm almost depressed myself due to particular reasons, am working my ass off to start my career, it is a very complicated point of my life, i want move because i can't stand that drama anymore but i'm afraid if i leaving her alone she will do something crazy. my father says he can't stand it anymore and wants me to authorize a compulsory hospitalization, but she claims she doesn't have anything, that it is all a plan of my father to put me against her and steal our things, and that if i ever do it to her she will never talk to me again. he also wants to put drugs on her drinks but i don't think that is right.  what the hell do i do, please someone help.", "answer": "psychotherapist here - i am assuming you are in the us for this. you have 4 basic options, and they all have their downsides:  1. attempt to contact the physician that prescribes her psych meds and fill them in on the situation. this assumes that they will even talk to you (which they can technically refuse to do for confidentiality reasons).  2. get your mother to a hospital er somehow. unfortunately, she has to agree to go under her own volition, and even if you are able to get her there for a psychiatric eval, if she's 'on her best behavior' during the eval, the clinician may not have sufficient reason for an involuntary admission.  3. you and at least one other witness would have to file a petition in probate court. this can take time, money and a judge that agrees that your mom is incapable of caring for herself or a danger to self or others.  4. get out of the house. unfortunately, sometimes the only way to force an unstable person to destabilize enough to become enough of a risk so that law enforcement must become involved is to remove the support system. in a sense, your presence is enabling your mom's craziness, since she's protected from the natural consequences of her behavior.  there are no easy answers here. my biggest suggestion to you is to find some friends and family immediately that can be a support system for you as you are deciding how to proceed. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3dbh8j", "comment_id": "3dbh8j"}, {"question": "why am i obsessed with other women?", "description": "so i'm a woman, early 20's, and since middle school i've spent a significant amount of time having crushes on other women. there have been 6 women since high school that i've been seriously infatuated with at one point. i can't help it. when i get this crush, i think about them 24/7. it is obsessive. i can't stop thinking about them, or looking at their social media. i find any excuse to talk to them. every single one of these relationships has followed the same pattern: they see that i'm struggling with my mental health, they decide to be my friend/talk to me, they think that they can 'save' me, and that i've got a lot going for me, that i just need their help, and then i push the boundaries further, and further, and further (nothing sexual, just the amount of time that i take up). then they block me. i've literally had six women block me from their lives.  the last two have been female therapists. the first therapist didn't truly \"block\" me, but told me she couldn't work with me anymore. i just really don't want this to happen with my current therapist. right now we're at the stage where she likes me. the other day i sent her an email telling her i didn't want to see her anymore, and she responded by sending me a 600 word response basically telling me she wanted me to continue therapy and that she is going to support me however she can. this feels so incredibly nostalgic of my last therapeutic relationship, where the same thing happened, except her email was 1110 words. i get such a rush seeing these lengthy emails.  the crushes i had in high school weren't sexual, but since then they always have been. i've struggled with my sexuality, and am bisexual, leaning towards women. i have slept with more women than men, and have had serious relationships with both genders. i've never had a crush on a guy. i have never spent any significant time thinking about guys at all.  is this some sort of attachment issue? am i just an obsessive lesbian? my mom sort of abandoned me when i was a child, and i have a trauma history. any advice would be much appreciated.  ​  ​  update: i stopped seeing her. thanks everyone.", "answer": "my advice would be that the best therapist for you if this is part of what you're trying to work on is a therapist you have the least chance of getting a crush on/obsessive about.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eys37t", "comment_id": "eys37t"}, {"question": "what do you wish you would have known before you got married, and what questions should my partner (35m) and i (35f) be asking prior to getting engaged?", "description": "my bf and i have been talking about getting engaged. i know it's not super romantic to be having the conversation about it instead of just being surprised and doing it, but neither of us is particularly young and we both believe in making thoughtful decisions, especially when it has long term impacts.   we planned a date night to sit down and talk about foundational things, big things, deep things that will help inform whether or not we are a good long term match, and whether or not we will be able to see eye to eye and compromise on big life things that we may disagree on.   i'd love some suggestions on things this community thinks we should ask each other.", "answer": "what do you gain by this relationship. what do you give up by being in this relationship?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "drrkic", "comment_id": "drrkic"}, {"question": "what is the clinical psychologist approach to abnormal gender identity?", "description": "what is the scientific stance for clinical psychologists when it comes it transgender issues, do they think it's a mental illness or how is it approached?", "answer": "they don't think it's a mental illness! it's listed as a diagnosis in the dsm because people can and do struggle with it and can experience distress due to it, which is the common theme of everything in the dsm--causes distress.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68t9b8", "comment_id": "68t9b8"}, {"question": "[16/m] does this girl [16/f] like me back?", "description": "we talk whenever we sit with each other in class (we both start conversations, not just me). she seems to like being around me; she doesn't try to end  any conversations and she always progresses the conversation (not just replying with a short answer- she seems to want to converse). whenever we are around one another in a busy environment, we'll make eye contact, but not talk. it feels too awkward to say anything (for me). she'll also seem like she is going to say something but won't. we laugh at each other's humour. it's also pretty obvious (at least i expect so) that i like her.", "answer": "she seems interested! ask her out for coffee", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvykj", "comment_id": "5uvykj"}, {"question": "22 years and 3 days sober, let's give a hand to judasblue and somuch2learn for their spiritual giantness, er, moderating prowess!", "description": "[spiritual giant!!!](WEBLINK)  ok, my homegroup meets on friday and my sobriety bday was saturday, so no image of a 22 year coin just yet.  the recurring theme in my life recently is that temporary is only temporary, not permanent.  i keep seeing a lack of patience popping up on the various recovery subs in reddit so now i'm starting to pound that topic in my weekly meeting.  i forget the angst and impatience of early sobriety but certainly understand the benefits of staying the course, doing the next right thing, and accepting the results (generally ridiculously positive results at that).  alright, enough about me for a moment...  let's give a hand to /u/judasblue and /u/somuch2learn for the bang up job of moderating this place!  i do a little here and there but they're the ones handling the majority of the spam and moderator requests.  /u/program_buddhist has been awol for a couple years now, but he's good stuff so let's see if he shows up before 2020 or so.  we're one of the smaller \"recovery\" type subs but i think they help run a tight, focused ship.    take care everyone and be good to yourselves!!!", "answer": "happy birthday! \ud83c\udf82\ud83c\udf89 and thanks to the mods as well. keep coming back!", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "6cxtj2", "comment_id": "6cxtj2"}, {"question": "mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "hi mds.  i'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. i have issues with high bp (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. adrenal gland ct, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. recently i've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. i still work out and i don't have any more issues breathing than normal. but sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and i'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. any ideas?  edit: i don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. i am on an anticonvulsant (lamictal/lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. also, yes, i know my bp is wild. it varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "if medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "f4rjyg"}, {"question": "effective cortisol reducing supplements or otc medicine", "description": "hello all,  2.5 years ago, i was placed on corticosteroids for something unnecessary. even though it has been 2.5 years since using the medication, i still have hypercortisol symptoms like high blood pressure, puffy face, constipation, and shortness of breathe. i have an elevated 24 hour urine cortisol test, no tumors. 24 years old, 135 pounds, 5'10''. doctors refuse to do anything, so i was wondering if anyone knew any effective cortisol reducing supplements or otc medicine, thanks! i read stuff online about cortisol manager by integrative theraupetics but not sure if effective. ", "answer": "puffy face and high blood pressure are nonspecific, and constipation and shortness of breath are not classic cushing's syndrome symptoms.  how elevated was your urine cortisol, and have you had a dexamethasone suppression test?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8b561j", "comment_id": "8b561j"}, {"question": "is it appropriate to ask your doc or urologist if he's uncircumcised?", "description": "* 27 * male * 5'9\" * 160 * latino * 1 month * reproductive system * no existing issues * no medications  ​  only reason i care to ask is because i think i would feel more comfortable talking to a doctor about foreskin who has foreskin like myself. i'm just looking to avoid any bias on advice.", "answer": "i would say no. this is rather personal. a doctor can choose to bring it up, but a direct question would not be appropriate.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bbk5u8", "comment_id": "bbk5u8"}, {"question": "i quit therapy", "description": "so i \"broke up\" with my therapist. typical bpd behavior i guess..  i was sitting there, talking mother father issues as usual, he said i seem different, and i said i want to end the therapy. and he wanted to know why and he was really confused. he seemed disappointed. he wanted that we had a proper end, one or two more session. i said..can i go now?? and i did. i was so relieved.  but i am sure it was the right decision. he didn't support me when i said i rather want to do dbt than psychoanalytic.  he had the crazy idea i should get off sertralin within 3 days (i have been taking it for 10 years). and my health insurance  did not covering more than 17 sessions, bc he is no doctor.  maybe i took advantage of him. when i got finally the diagnosis, i had what i wanted.  but i was very fond of him before... i know exactly the moment when it turned around. it is sooo ridiculous...so here is the true reason.. i was the first patient in the morning and while he was in the office i let some air in by opening the windows. when he came into the room he said to me he wants that next time i'll wait until he opens the windows... wtf. i was so confused, angry, ashamed. until then i thought we had a good connection. and this one sentence, that was it. i felt like a stupid child. i made a mistake. i thought now he didn't like me anymore. how could i be so ignorant behaving like the boss in his practice..  and the following session i quit.", "answer": "in your defense, dbt is the number one treatment for bpd. if you're interested in sticking with therapy, seek out a certified dbt counselor.   also, i bet him being upset over the windows was a boundary thing, like maybe you crossed one. he probably felt like he lost a little but of control, but that's just speculation.   best of luck! ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "376lv7", "comment_id": "376lv7"}, {"question": "faking recovery", "description": "i'll try to keep this short and i hope this is the right place to post.   tim drank for 20 years. smoked weed for 32 years. also randomly did adderall, cocaine, lsd throughout that time. told me he was probably an alcoholic when we met, said he wanted to be in a relationship with me. i told him no because of the alcoholism. he said he would stop drinking and he did, and said it was for me. he hasn't drank in 9 months. however, he has done cocaine and microlsd that i know of, and just stopped smoking weed 50 days ago. got a sponsor 2.5 months ago and is already on step 8. how on earth is this possible? his sponsor is a doctor and sounds incredibly smart, great, and tough. he holds tim accountable and doesn't let him get away with anything. so how is he okay with him doing steps 1-3 while still smoking weed? how is he okay with him already being on step 8 after 20 years of drinking and 32 of substance abuse? how is he okay with him being in a relationship? and how on earth can this be called recovery when tim has only been to about 10 meetings in 9 months? is tim manipulating his sponsor, like he does everyone else so that he doesn't have to deal with his issues the way he should be?  it's clear from his behavior in our relationship, and the people i talk to, that tim isn't doing the work. some say maybe he doesn't realize what he's up against and thinks he can just skate by. others say he's just not committed cause he would be going to like 4 -5 meetings a week and going over this stuff daily. he isn't putting himself around people who can hold him accountable, except for his sponsor once per week. he's using his recovery as a way to gain attention, saying he has all this newfound clarity, his life is the best it has been, etc, meanwhile he is still lying, controlling, manipulating, in denial, and has recently turned more verbally abusive than ever. i feel like nobody but me knows the truth and it has been agonizing. how on earth is it possible to fake recovery???", "answer": "you don't have to be with him if you dun wanna.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "68oi90", "comment_id": "68oi90"}, {"question": "i think i finally figured out what triggers my panic attacks", "description": "for years i have never known what causes me to have panic attacks. i always thought they were random but today i was reading an article and it brought up that some people have panic attacks because they are too attuned to their body. basically, every little change i notice in my body makes me panic. i notice i am dizzy, i panic. i notice i am nauseous, panic. headache, panic. etc. i hope that now that i know what causes them i can move on to controlling them! ", "answer": "just a fyi, that's usually a secondary trigger, something that arises from the anxious cycle making you more aware of indications that you are starting to have anxiety. it may arise after some physical condition that led to panic like hyperthyroidism or an adrenal leak.   not saying it's not what's going on just that it might be a habit of reaction to another situation", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "8twbkk", "comment_id": "8twbkk"}, {"question": "extremely high hemoglobin & hematocrit?", "description": "hi, appreciate this subreddit existing!  ​  just got some test results back and my hemoglobin and hematocrit was very high. i won't be seeing my rheumatologist for a few months, is this something i should be concerned about?   ​  hemoglobin 149 g/l (reference 110-147)  hematocrit 0.46 l/l (reference 0.33-0.44 l/l)  ​  i have been feeling especially fatigued and lightheaded lately, but that's normal for me i guess. i was on prednisone 7mg for about 5 months, then stopped for three months. i started on prednisone again at 7mg 5 days before this blood test (not sure if that's related). i was diagnosed with very low vit d in december, but have been taking supplements. i also have undiagnosed chronic health issues since childhood (flares and high crp) and my rheumatologist thinks i have relapsing polychondritis or possibly an autoinflammatory disease.  ​  * age: 29 * sex: f * height: 5'9\" * weight: 200lb * race: white * any existing relevant medical issues (if any): low vit d, high crp and flare ups of rashes/fatigue/pain (possible relapsing polychondritis), chronic fatigue syndrome * current medications (if any): prednisone (7mg) (taking 1 week), chloroquine (taking 1 week), concerta (2+ years)  ​  thank you!  ​", "answer": "those are not \"extremely\" high, those are minimally elevated. the \"normal\" range is set narrowly, so that things that might be concerning don't go unflagged, but the consequence of that is that unconcerning levels do get flagged as high or low.  your particular h&h show low enough high values that any symptoms or problem is unlikely.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b7196d", "comment_id": "b7196d"}, {"question": "i have no clue what just happened to me", "description": "i repress a lot of feelings and block out a lot of memories. i lie to myself a lot and keep a lot of things bottled up. i have a lot of regrets and i think too much about how mistakes i've made affect my present life and will continue to affect me in the future. then i just tell myself i can't change the past and i have to keep moving forward i turned 25 today. i have a 3 year old son and am divorced from his mother. my son is the only thing in this world that makes me happy. lately, i've been wishing his mother and i could get back together.  a few hours ago, i dropped him off to my ex-wife. i always hate having to tell him goodbye. she asked me if i was doing anything with friends or family for my birthday and i said \"no\" so she asked if i would want to go to dinner so i didn't have to be alone for my birthday.  i declined and as soon as we parted ways and i drove off i began hysterically crying in my truck for about 20 minutes thinking about everything i wish i would have done differently between 18 and 25, then got lethargic and had no thoughts in my head, and once i got to my parents' house where i live i felt so physically weak that i collapsed in the hallway and curled up into a ball. when my dad came to see what the fuck was wrong, i just started telling him things that i feel that i never tell anyone. he left me alone and about 5 minutes later i felt like really happy and got up like none of that just happened. can anyone tell me what the fuck my brain just did?   (sorry for taking so long to get to the question. i just felt like i had to give that background info before telling the story of that episode)", "answer": "you suppress and most likely repress a lot of things from your life.  your past especially.  think of a boiler with no release valve.  now every time you suppress a thought, feeling, emotion, the boiler gets a little hotter, thus increasing the pressure.  now if you keep doing this over an extended period it is eventually going to blow! i think what you experiences when you began to drive away was just that.  it exploded and your mind became overwhelmed.  then your mind went back to doing what you have trained it to do, suppress.  i would very strongly suggest that you talk to a therapist about what is going on in your life.  it is only a matter of time before the boiler blows again......", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2t0lrt", "comment_id": "2t0lrt"}, {"question": "why do doctors stop listening when you mention your mental illness?", "description": " i\u2019m 25, female, white, ny, 5\u20192\u201d, 158lb, never smoker. take modafinil as needed. i\u2019m bipolar type 2, have migraines.  i went to see a rheumatologist about an elevated ana and some troubling joint pain/skin rashes, and as soon as i disclosed being bipolar he blamed it all on that being \u201cuncontrolled.\u201d i don\u2019t think bipolar causes swollen lymph nodes or photosensitive rashes. he said i have a chronic pain syndrome exacerbated by being unmedicated, but this does not explain the inflammatory symptoms.   i\u2019m unmedicated because: 1. i lost my health insurance recently, 2. i\u2019ve reacted severely to six different ssris/snris, lithium turns me into a zombie, and lamictal caused said severe skin reaction. i had these symptoms even when it was controlled and i was taking lithium but he didn\u2019t care too much about that.   i feel once again like i\u2019m being reduced to being \u201ccrazy\u201d which i can always tell by them mentioning my \u201cextensive psych history.\u201d he didn\u2019t write down half of what i said. he did some squeezing on my arms and legs and stuff to elicit pain responses and said my shoulders can hyperextend and i have tmj. great. now i have to wait two more months and repeat expensive bloodwork, and go back to someone who boiled my illness down to \u201cshe\u2019s crazy.\u201d  he told me to go see a psychiatrist which is a nice notion if i had the money or could find one that isn\u2019t terrible. so do none of my other physical complaints matter when i\u2019m \u201ccrazy?\u201d if you\u2019re saying my symptoms are psychosomatic you\u2019re calling me crazy *and* a liar, and i have pictures of the rashes and brought my husband to back me up. but my husband tried and the doctor told him to be quiet and let me talk, which again is nice, but if he\u2019s already made up his mind that it\u2019s all in my head then my words mean nothing.", "answer": "bipolar disorder is not a pain syndrome, medicated or not. it doesn't sound like he explicitly called your symptoms psychosomatic, which actually wouldn't mean you're a liar; somaticization is real perception of pain/dysfunction/illness produced unconsciously and involuntarily, not under someone's control. and that's all i'm going to say about it, because that's not your question.  i've said it before: the phenomenon of getting ignored is a real problem with stigma of psychiatry in medicine, and i don't have an answer for it. because i work in a hospital system, sometimes i have to be the one to call other physicians and tell them that they have to do a minimal workup before ignoring all complaints\u2014but i have that privilege by being a doctor. as a patient, i don't know what you can or should do.  the fact that he didn't write everything down doesn't worry me. many doctors work from memory. i can't say whether his exam was sufficient or inadequate. generously, i'd like to hope that you're too ready to expect dismissal when he did all the right things, ordered the right testing, and also (responsibly) suggested adequate treatment of an unrelated problem in bipolar disorder. but previous experience suggests that there's a very good chance that your perceptions are on point and he dismissed the evidence in front of him in favor of preconceptions.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "dzq2da", "comment_id": "dzq2da"}, {"question": "day 2 unexpected test", "description": "a friend of mine from work texted me last night to see if i wanted to ski a couple of runs after work today (i live in a ski resort town and we work in a building close by so it\u2019s easy to throw on the gear and catch the last couple of chairs up to the top) and i agreed.  so we drop into the trees for our first run from the top and she stops at a spot with a great view of the sunset.  i stop next to her and she\u2019s pulling two cold beers out of her pack.  now, you have to understand, this is an enormous trigger for me and i honestly did not expect it.  my mouth started watering and my brain was going crazy with a tumultuous tug of war argument with itself when some words came out of my mouth that i had never heard or imagined before. i said \u201cno thanks.  i\u2019m taking a break from alcohol for a while, been going at pretty hard lately you know?\u201d.  she said \u201ccool\u201d and i watched her chug a beer.  i swear my heart rate shot up to 150 and i\u2019m still thinking about how good that beer would\u2019ve tasted.  damn.  i\u2019m honestly shocked at my resolve and really proud of myself.  i\u2019m still thinking about that beer 2 hours later but i will not drink with you tonight.  day three starts in 4 hours 39 minutes. ", "answer": "well done......  glad you passed as it sounded like a tough one! beer and snowboard always went hand in hand for me. stay strong   iwndwyt ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "a3igm8", "comment_id": "a3igm8"}, {"question": "weird sleep-awake schedule: 18 awake- 8(or more) sleep.", "description": "due to the current scenario, we have to stay home a lot.  this has affected my sleep schedule by a huge amount. when i am awake, i am awake for more than 18 hours, i have tried sleeping but i just lay awake in my bed. when i sleep i need to sleep at least 8 hours or i would feel sleepy(i mean extremely sleepy) during the day and if i don't take that sleep then my body acts unnatural(headaches or indigestion).   this weird sleep schedule has caused me to wake at abnormal times that change every day(one day it is 2 p.m next day it is 4 p.m some days it is 2 a.m.). what should i do?   my details:   age and sex:21m,   duration: 2-3 months.  primary complaint: my sleep+awake time is more than 24 hours.  no medication or drug use.", "answer": "get up at the same time daily, and get some exposure to sunlight, go to sleep when tired. adhere to sleep hygiene advice.   WEBLINK  when you fail to get sleep, don't do stuff that excites you, do boring stuff. not gaming but reading for example.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "if2iik", "comment_id": "if2iik"}, {"question": "my boyfriend [21m] keeps going to his family with our problems", "description": "recently we have been having difficulties with our relationship because of me i'll admit. i see him do certain things that just causes him problems (he get mad at his dog when the dog messes up the house so he refuses to take it to the park and in turn the dog keeps all that energy and destroys more things. the dog is on prozac and needs to go out and run, not stay in an apartment, he's always late for everything because he just has no time management skills and i try to tell him what to do so this doesn't keep being a problem etc.) so he tells his family and in turn his mom persistently messages me and bothers me about it. i tell him that this bothers me because it's just going to make the situation so messy. when i tell him it bothers me he says \"well i just don't know what to tell you because they're my family i talk to them about this kind of stuff it's something we do.\" i get that it's his support system and that his friends just won't help him with stuff like this but he doesn't seem to get what the problem is. in my family we do talk about our problems but my mom and dad have always just resolved things between themselves. is it bad for me to ask him not to talk about problems between us with his mom dad and step mom?   tldr: boyfriend keeps talking about his problems with his family and his mom gets involved and i don't think it's ok.", "answer": "you're right. he needs to grow up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vltj", "comment_id": "74vltj"}, {"question": "should i (medical assistant) get tested for covid-19?", "description": "hi! i [23f] am a medical assistant at an urgent care center and primary care, so we\u2019ve been getting a lot of sick patients especially in the last few weeks come in with complaints of cough, fever, aches, and even some that have admitted travel (even though we have a sign saying we don\u2019t have the necessary tests for covid-19). my question is, should i be tested for this virus as i have spoken to these patients very closely and taken their vitals before they admitted to traveler (one patient traveled from seattle a few days prior to him being at the clinic) fever of 100.1, cough, flu-like symptoms and tested negative for the flu... my facility did not take the right precautions or care for us - as we did not even have the proper masks at the time and the manager, when informed about the patient from the nurses that we should send him out, did not care and said that seattle wasn\u2019t an at risk place and that we could see him (and take his money) ... we\u2019ve had a lot of other cases of patients that made it back to triage that have traveled and have the symptoms.   i have been coughing (moreso productive) and feeling fatigued. i know most patients can be asymptomatic not to mention i had a viral infection (common cold most likely my ly were high) last week so i\u2019m pretty worried now and that man i mentioned wasn\u2019t the only patient that\u2019s come in with a cough and fever and had traveled that i\u2019ve been face to face with in triaging.   should i get tested or wait for my symptoms to get worse and a rise in temp? (i also have been going to work bc i simply cannot take off).   id really appreciate any comments and advice anout this. as my coworkers and i are lost and our management is very nonchalant about this situation. very disappointing.", "answer": "check with your state health department for recommendations on testing in your state: WEBLINK", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fiuv6y", "comment_id": "fiuv6y"}, {"question": "intrusive thoughts", "description": "ok so..since ive been hearing a lot ot homophobic things from my parents..its been affecting me.my brother wanted to see my pride things and he was walking to my room and i pushed him back and i got an immediate thought \u201cno its wrong\u201c i immediately started panicking and i was worrying if i was actually homophobic and didnt want my brother to know about lgbtq+ things,yet im actually questioning which made me even more confused about the whole situation,but i also thought what if i was the same as my parents,homophobic and transphobic.then a person was wearing a rainbow hoodie and i all of a sudden back up a little and got a thought of \u201cback away from the person\u201c either i was just too close to the person or the thought made me think i was being homophobic and very disrespectful or judgemental.either it\u2019s my ocd acting up because of my parents or something else has triggered my intrusive thoughts i don\u2019t know.but what shocked me was how i immediately was doing what the thoughts were trying to make me do,which makes me wonder if it was actually ocd or i\u2019m secretly homophobic..?that gives me anxiety just thinking about it.", "answer": "sounds like ocd is doing what ocd does. picking on things that are impeitant to you and exploiting them. ocd realizes you are passionately not homophobic so tries to convince you that you are. that sucks man! i wish you all the best and hope you have support for this!", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "hmn0vb", "comment_id": "hmn0vb"}, {"question": "home for winter break", "description": "so now that i'm back home from college i can feel myself slipping and its scary. i'm back to my old eating habits and i'm afraid self harm is soon to follow.  i guess while i was away is replaced it with cigs weed and alcohol, none of which i have access to at home and none of which are that healthy anyway. . .   i know i don't want to cut again, but i don't not want to either. . . ", "answer": "you're noticing the same feeling and you're becoming aware of potential triggers. plan ahead and think of healthy coping skills to prevent relapse. do 100 jumping jacks, read, write, paint, learn a cheerleading routine, take a shower, cook....   you can do this! ", "topic": "selfharm", "post_id": "2q52fs", "comment_id": "2q52fs"}, {"question": "is this a positive tb (ppd) test?", "description": "i am doing my internship at a nursing home so i had to get a two step ppd test done. the first one was fine, no reaction at all.   i got the second one done today at 2pm and now there is a welt around the injection site. i googled which was a bad idea because now i\u2019m convinced i have both tb and hiv. \ud83d\ude43  female 26 240 lbs  smoker  medication: lexapro 20mg a day   [picture of arm](WEBLINK)", "answer": "it has to be read at 48-72 hours. right afterwards there's always a welt, and that doesn't mean anything.  we also can't judge by an image. a positive result is measured by induration (swelling), not by redness. without a way to feel through the screen we can only guess.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aggjs7", "comment_id": "aggjs7"}, {"question": "i'm at my [26m] wits end. issues with long term girlfriend [26f] are seriously affecting my mental well-being. ive never spoken about this to anyone. (long read)", "description": "i'll start with a little background.  i met her in the summer of 2013, while i was travelling abroad. she just happened to be from my hometown, and we hit it off immediately upon my return home. things started out amazingly, as i'm sure they often do. i had nothing but poor luck with relationships up until that point, so i think that factor made it even more \"magical\". i couldn't believe how easy going she was, not to mention smart, pretty, funny, the whole nine yards.   fast forward to about a year in, and her parents decided out of the blue to sell their home in the city and move 1.5 hours away. this was a major issue for her obviously, and so her hand was kinda forced into moving out and finding a place still in the same postal code. i was having some issues at home, and so i thought maybe we would do this together, despite only being together for less than a year. however, i began to get cold feet about the whole thing but wasn't sure how to approach it. this is when the guilt-tripping started. only once, i made a vague offhand remark about maybe not being ready to do this, and she made me feel terrible about it. so then my hand was forced, and i made the call to go through with it because i thought it was the \"right thing to do\".  so we get a place together, and that's when things changed. we went from never, ever fighting about anything to the typical couple squabbling. i know this is probably a normal step when you start living with another person, but this is when the yarn began its slow, gradual unwinding for me. i held a lot of resentment towards her folks (still do), because i felt their spur of the moment decision to just up and leave, expecting their daughter to just come along for the ride had forced me into a situation that i was now stuck in. obviously this is a terrible way to start things off.   things over time have gotten more and more strained. she has some really bad habits that make me crazy: she is a total slob, for one. leaves food out, doesn't put her dishes away, doesn't clean up after herself. her dirty clothes are constantly in a giant pile on the floor. she has a bunch of clothing littered around our bedroom that she can't fit in our closet despite taking up 80% of the hanging storage. i understand girls have more clothing than guys generally, but she won't even entertain the idea of maybe getting rid of some (she has stuff i've never seen her wear once in our almost 4 year relationship); she won't even consider putting some in storage. i have brought it up so many times, and it is always brushed aside or ignored. she obviously doesn't care, and i'm not a crazy neat freak or anything but i do need some semblance that i'm living with an adult instead of a teenager. if she can't respect the fact that this bothers me so much, not to mention making me feel like a total jerk for asking this of her... i feel like that speaks volumes.   she also doesn't do any chores, with exception to laundry occasionally. i would do it myself, but while i just throw all my shit in the machine, her stuff has more specific washing instructions. so that's her thing, but she will always bitch and moan when doing it, acting like i am so terrible for not \"helping\" her, when its me who does literally all cleaning, tidying, cleaning up after her, etc. this has bred a lot of hostility in me towards her that i feel manifests itself in other ways. it's just not a healthy way to live.   to add more fuel, she has a really bad anger problem. i should mention that this isn't all the time, as she can be totally sweet and wonderful. but sometimes, she gets this fire inside her and will just lose it. on me, about work, her phone not working properly, anything really. and she can get really mean. i don't know if it constitutes as verbal abuse but she puts me down sometimes, makes me feel like the biggest asshole in the world for some really minute things. i would say that most fights we have stem from her losing her temper on me, and then me pushing back. i've told her many times the classic \"if you don't stop talking to me this way, i'm going to leave\", but clearly i haven't. which leads me to the next point.  i am all she has, really. most of her friends have moved on to the next stage in their lives, or moved away, and so she doesn't have many friends. she's told me many times that i'm all she has, and that if i ever left her she would \"just die\". this is where the guilt thing comes in again. there was one occasion where i was very close to ending things, and she basically told me she would kill herself if i left her. now i know this is a huge red flag, but i'm still here. when we've fought i've tried to leave the apartment and she's literally laid down in front of the door, refusing to move, crying \"you can't leave! you can't leave me!\". i am trapped at this point, as i know how fucked up the legal system is when it comes to men, so i can't put my hands on her to physically move her out of the way.   our sex life is also pretty much non existent. she has a low sex drive, and the spacing between sex has been growing as time goes on. not only does she never, ever initiate but she will usually push me away when i try. i understand that nobody wants sex all the time, as there are times when i'm not feeling it either. but she won't blow me, she won't do anything remotely \"interesting\" and sex basically boils down to me getting her off, her lazily jerking me off until i'm ready and then standard missionary, with condom on. on top of that, i am quite large down below and sometimes i hurt her when i go in, (we use lube every time) which basically kills it immediately as i completely go limp when i see she's in pain. i think i've developed a bit of a porn addiction as a result of this, and i also find myself looking at other girls. i would never, ever cheat on her as i've seen what it does to persons/families but my eyes are constantly wandering. i feel like a total piece of shit for it, but when i'm not getting what i need, it's hard for the mind not to wander.   i should mention finally that i love her. deeply. the thought of her not being around breaks my heart, not to mention how devastated she would be if i left her. that's what makes this whole situation so hard. i don't want to end things, as we do genuinely have some great times together. these things i've listed above are issues, major ones, but it's still not enough to make me hit the road. or is it? this is the main problem: i don't know what the right choice is. i go back and forth, wrestling with it every day of my life. i don't want to fuck up the longest, most meaningful relationship i've ever had.  i'm sure i do things that make her crazy too. i try so hard to leave my ego out of making decisions, so i'm not naive enough to think i'm perfect by any means. i just find myself time and again longing to be single.  i'm hoping someone out there will read this behemoth of a post and help shed some light. any advice at all is appreciated. thanks for taking the time.   ", "answer": "please write a short summary for more responses!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69yknl", "comment_id": "69yknl"}, {"question": "are there any conversation \"guidelines\" ? i am pretty terrible at mantaining conversations flowing. help please.", "description": "the title sums it up. i suck at maintaining conversations. help me changing it please.", "answer": "well i did write [this](WEBLINK) and i think it might be pretty much what you're looking for :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1wf10e", "comment_id": "1wf10e"}, {"question": "psych meds and (possible) nicotine poisoning?", "description": "18  male  5\u20198\u201d  120lbs ish  caucasian (mixed euro and indo)  canada, eyes and heart  mental disorders  5mg valium twice daily, 100mg gabapentin twice daily, 10mg dexedrine xr each morning, 30mg mirtazapine nightly, medical cannabis and nicotine via vaping \u2014 throughout the day  **so,** i\u2019ve been mixing my own vape juice and late last night i spilled a bunch all over my hands, not wearing gloves like an idiot. couldn\u2019t sleep, was sweating nonstop, nauseated, salivating, sore eyes, the whole shebang  today was okay until i vaped. fast heart rate, euphoria, profuse sweating, and anxiety instantly hit me. shortly followed by pounding heart, dysphoria, hypertension, hyperreflexia, burning eyes, restless sitting, slight abdominal discomfort and slightly blurred vision. persisted for ~8 hours and here i am at midnight with no family doctor and my psychiatrist is on vacation  i\u2019m scared to take my medication, i want to know what information i can get (digging will take centuries to even speculate). i\u2019m not asking what to do i\u2019m not tryna break rules like that, i want to know if this seems unsafe from your perspective  i\u2019m going to rather stay up until i can see my doctor or i\u2019m going to emergency asap  edit: i was initially scared to have a seizure but i haven\u2019t really twitched much. now i\u2019m scared of cardiovascular problems (been to the hospital for  ~~anxiety~~ svt-like symptoms under the influence of a stimulant and because my mom has a heart condition) and cns depression; i don\u2019t want to have to vape to stay up. maybe i\u2019ll end up passing out and this thread will have 0 comments and turns out i was safe the whole time", "answer": "have you told your parents? do you live with (on of) them?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bczxnu", "comment_id": "bczxnu"}, {"question": "constant brain fog", "description": "male/ 20/ 240lbs/ 1200mg sodium valproate (5 months)/ 10mg abilify (3 weeks)/ 150mg levothyroxine (1 year, stable level)  hi, i'm experiencing brain fog which just will not go away and it's making it really difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. i think i've had it for the past 5 years. i've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder/depression, bulimia, ocd, and anxiety, but despite the medications i've been on the fog won't go away. i also suffer from: muscle/head aches, fatigue, restless sleep (which makes even minor exercise incredibly difficult).   i don't know what to do at this point. is it possible this brain fog is due to a health problem, rather than mental?  ", "answer": "valproate and abilify can both be sedating. in addition, valproate can raise your ammonia level, which can make you fatigued and confused and out of it. has your ammonia level been checked? for that matter, has your valproate level been checked? and are these meds helping any of your symptoms if not the fog?  it's always possible that your problems are \"organic\" rather than mental, as the jargon goes. is your tsh normal? if it's on the high end of normal it might be worth trying an increase in levothyroxine. and then the usual suspects: anemia, b12 deficiency, and maybe rheumatoid labs if aches and fatigue fit the picture.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8ac07y", "comment_id": "8ac07y"}, {"question": "so you got rejected, do you look at it this way?", "description": "imagine going to an audition and you don't get the part, you were not something the casting directors were looking for even if you are a good actor or a professional one.   imagine going to a try out and you don't make it in the tournament or make it in the league or into the olympics, you just were not something the judges were looking for even if you are a good player   you apply for work and you get called for an interview but you don't get the job, maybe someone else was more qualified than you were and had more experience even though you nailed the interview well   this is how i am trying to view social situations when i get blocked online or ignored or get rejected in real life. maybe i am just not something the other person is looking for. maybe we just don't have things in common or they can't relate to me. you can be a nice and friendly person and still be rejected because rejections are part of life. it's like an audition, it's like a try out, it's like applying for work, you will be rejected and the someone will take you in. it's the same with people, someone will like you and someone else might not so you don't just pick someone you want to be friends with and expect it to happen. same goes for dating too and you won't know why you were rejected, same reason why you won't know why you didn't get the part or why you didn't make the team or the league  or the olympics or why you didn't get the job. you are not going to always know why someone didn't like you. it could be nothing personal because maybe you are not someone they are looking for as a friend or acquaintance.  dislike and like are two different things and even if they do dislike you, maybe you were just someone they are not looking for. you are not the right person for them nor are they the right person for you. ", "answer": "this is a very healthy way of viewing rejection.  especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships or dating, rejection does not mean that there's anything wrong with you.... or the other person, it simply means you weren't a good match for each other.    now on the flip side, if you find yourself constantly in these situations, it may worth saying \"what can i do to make myself more compatible with a larger number of people.\"    it's all about finding a good healthy balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement.    :-)  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "80gfeq", "comment_id": "80gfeq"}, {"question": "does ptsd have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "i don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and i haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have ptsd without a specific triggering event?  **background**: i have a psychiatrist i trust, and i have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. any replies i get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. i earned my master's in psychology in 2000, so i can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. it may be worth noting that i also carry an asperger's diagnosis.  **all categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** i have never been abused. my parents were great. i've never been threatened with violence. my father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years.   so many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though i've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\"   **it is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. i was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the wtc. i had to accompany a 10yo girl to the er for a rape kit when she was first admitted. those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.  **but it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. i'd just given birth to our son when hurricane katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"tonight's the night the world begins again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...i burst into tears at a goo goo dolls concert  last year when they started playing it. a former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's cd in the car yesterday, i had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. i nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that i had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that i probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.  could it be ptsd even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **i feel like it's existential trauma, but i don't think that's a thing.** i just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since i've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "anxiety nos is the diagnosis used when people have ptsd sxs but no history of ptsd qualifying trauma", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "2935id"}, {"question": "what is considered \"low carb\"?", "description": "i want to go low carb/low gi. i was super successful with the weight watchers core plan 8 years ago. but now i am tracking calories/macros, not points, and have no idea what i am doing.  the all or nothing approach of keto will not work for me. i know my mental health, and severe restrictions will not work.   when people say they are eating \"low carb\" what is considered low? (not keto low...)", "answer": "i basically just avoid refined sugar and bread, pasta. i eat rice occasionally and if it's a special occasion i'll just eat refined carbs, but i try to avoid it. i eat only 0-1 servings of fruit a day, 2 at the absolute most. i don't know how many grams of carbs a day i actually end up eating, but i know that i avoid eating carbs in isolation (i try to balance it out with protein, fat). ", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "3p2dc5", "comment_id": "3p2dc5"}, {"question": "sharing a hotel room with 2 active alcoholics tonight. oh boy.", "description": "they headed to the bar attached to the lobby as soon as we got our bags to the room. i shut the curtains, turned off the lights and meditated for 20 minutes. just me and the hum of the ac. my foundation of sobriety has been feeling pretty solid these days, but every now and then...in situations like these, that all-too-familiar thirst creeps in ever so slightly and i feel a little momentary wobble.     now i\u2019m out by the pool...the whole place to myself enjoying the solitude in the heavy air of this southern summer evening. i am grateful to have clarity, peace, and calm in my mind. thanks for being here, sd. iwndwyt.          edit: thanks for all of the support, you beautiful people. i realized that little craving snuck up on me because i was hungry! ate a bunch of different types of empanadas and now i\u2019m going to watch some shitty hotel tv until i pass out. my roomies left to go out to the bars. i\u2019m going to wake up feeling great...", "answer": "well done. that southern night by the pool sounds really great ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "96182w", "comment_id": "96182w"}, {"question": "the age old question: am i having panic attacks or am i slowly dying", "description": "male, 22, 79kg, 180cm, canada/new zealand  hi y'all, for the past year or so i've had these indescribable terror-inducing episodes of what i've assumed to be some form of panic attack.  my go-to technique so far has been to ignore it, but so far that's only been successful in changing the symptoms every few months.  so, instead of continuing the trend of closing my eyes and hoping it goes away, i thought i'd toss a description of it out into the world just to see if anyone has experienced something similar or knows what the fuck is going on.  there's gonna be a lot of details that i have no clue if they're relevant or not, and a lot of internal experiences that i do not have the literary abilities to describe, so bear with me if you can handle that  it first started as what i'd describe as an adrenaline rush with the added bonus of feeling like you're about to die.  the kind of feeling that'd make you think \"either i drank to much coffee or i'm in the midst of a stroke\".  i'm not quite sure why, but the episodes included a panicky, dire desire to get some water, as though i was seconds from death and water was the only lifeline i had.  after a few months, a sudden flash of weakness joined the symptoms party.  i'd suddenly feel unable to stand and i'd have to find a place to sit down for a few seconds.  this'd eventually lessen, but what i lost in instability i gained in the inability to focus during these attacks.  if i was mid-conversation, i'd suddenly be unable to speak despite understanding what others were saying.  if i was scratching my face, i'd keep repeating the movement until i could \"regain control\" and stop it.  now the two most concerning ones:  a few months after the last progression, these attacks would include the sudden numbness of the right side of my body.  i could still move everything fine, (my face wasn't all droopy and i can lift my arm like nobody's business), but it'd just feel tingly and a little noodly for a few seconds.  and just a few days ago, that symptom disappeared and now when these attacks come on, it feels like my breathing is ineffectual and isn't drawing in oxygen, and like there's a lump in my throat.  and once or twice, i'm pretty sure i wasn't able to draw in breath for a few seconds.  these usually occur once every 2 or 3 days, but have ranged from once a week to thrice a day.  i've not been able to identify anything that triggers them, they feel as though they spring on me at random.  i've recently graduated and moved to a new country, but i'm a generally relaxed individual and don't really experience much daily stress.  i feel as though this is essentially just me taking 500 words to say \"i have anxiety attacks\", but since i've convinced myself it's now worth going to the doctor over, i thought it would be worthwhile to type all this out as a trial run at describing all of this.  if yah have any idea about what the fuck is going on, i'd appreciate the hell outta you if you shared that.  ---- update for anyone who stumbles up on this in the future: turns out it possibly is just a lil bit of temporal lobe epilepsy caused by a small mass lodged up in my brain, still going through testing to know for sure!", "answer": "it could very well be panic attacks - however, new onset of panic attacks should still be seen by a doctor just to make sure there is no underlying medical cause, such as an endocrine or cardiac issue. also, even if it is panic without a medical cause, there are far better treatments for panic than just trying to ignore it, so that\u2019s also a really good reason to go to the family doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f37ar8", "comment_id": "f37ar8"}, {"question": "chernobyl victim with no direction", "description": "hello, i'm a female who is currently 21 and was born in klintsy, russia in the bryansk oblast region. it was the heaviest contaminated city from the chernobyl disaster. my family and i survived, but i am suffering effects currently and doctors are just as perplexed to meet a victim. i came to the us in 1999 and settled in johnstown, pa (was adopted). my area is full of coal plants and other contaminants such as sulphur polluting our rivers as they're orange and many other issues including pollution.   i am 5' 3\" and 108lbs. my race is russian indigenous (i'm not sure what group we belong to, as a kid i was always told to mark eskimo as my demographic) and caucasian mixed. my current medical issues that i've been diagnosed with are ptsd, rad, bpd, bipolar ii, severe clinical depression, traces of schizophrenia, barrett's esophagus, h-pylori, and possibly chrons and fibromyalgia (these were potential diagnoses before i left my doctor due to poverty and not being able to see her for months). i do drink quite a lot which is potential for my problems as well ranging from 10-15 beers a night to 1-5. it varies and isn't consistent. i also have scoliosis (12\u00b0 curve).  my current medication is only birth control and i take adrenal dessicated for helping my mental aliments.   my symptoms are:  i used to be relatively darker skinned (dark beige to cocoa) naturally and i turned ghostly pale and anemic. i've suffered with exhaustion, vomiting, diarrhea constantly, stomach pains, burning chest, hallucinations, heavy memory loss, burning nerves, inability to properly eat as i regurgitate or feel awfully nauseous afterwards. i always have a fever hit me and water is not something i can drink often. these symptoms have been devastating me for about 5 years now.  being a chernobyl victim is very isolating and many american doctors are perplexed by my story. i was born only 4 hours away from the plant. i really need any kind of help as my medical insurance is very poor and i'm too poor to get the help i need.", "answer": "i'm a child and adult psychiatrist specializing in victims of trauma/abuse. i'm very sorry for what you've experienced throughout your life so far. i agree with the other physicians who had already replied: your physical symptoms may all (or mostly all) be due to excessive alcohol intake combined with the resultant nutritional deficiencies and effects on your gi tract and nervous system. the non-physical symptoms can be explained by a combination of alcohol abuse and your preexisting mental health disorders. none of your symptoms seem mysterious, and none seem due to chernobyl. i hope you seek help for your drinking as well as for your medical and mental health symptoms.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bv8303", "comment_id": "bv8303"}, {"question": "how do i know if my child has anxiety or another mental health condition in isolation? what do i do if they do?", "description": "i was  wondering what online resources there are for helping me work out if my son has a mental condition. i don't want to over-worry but at the same time with isolation it's hard for me to find time / get traditional help on this. also worried that if we do find out any risks, how i can best act to help in an isolation environment.  any ideas?", "answer": "1. how old is your kiddo?        2. what are the things you are seeing that are leading you to ask this question?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggpqbu", "comment_id": "ggpqbu"}, {"question": "back to school sobriety sale!!!! (roll call)", "description": "i've noticed in the last few weeks a surge of younger folks joining us which is awesome!! since a common shared concern is that \"i'm to young for this!\" i thought we should do an age roll call, perhaps putting you in touch with others that share your struggles and your age will be of some comfort for what is ahead of you. i don't care who pm's me but if you would rather talk to someone who isn't old enough to be your mom, now you know who fits the bill!  i'll start, 38 next week.", "answer": "19 now. got sober at the age of 17.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2c6w4f", "comment_id": "2c6w4f"}, {"question": "we do we pussyfoot around aa?", "description": "there are many roads to recovery.  there is aa, smart, sos, women in sobriety, lifering, numerous cognitive behavioural methods. some people stop on their own.  some people use harm reduction.  some people don't give a fuck.  yet it seems in these recovery forums that we are ever so fucking careful about offending aa members.  it is obvious from reading any random sampling of these posts that a great many people have problems with the spiritual/religious nature of aa.  this reddit is called */r/stopdrinking* not *stoppedrinking* nor *stoppedusingaatonotdrink\".      it is a place where people who have alcohol abuse issues come for answers.      inevitably when people come to this forum there will be an aa member that will speak up for going to a meeting, etc, etc.      they have held the field for a quite awhile.      but that doesn't mean it has to be ceded to them.      while i find aa can be useful for *very short term* sobriety - say 30-60 days.  it is  harmful for periods beyond that.  unless you are prepared to accept *wholesale* the implicit implications found in the meetings, the steps, and the literature.      sure there are those, like aa agnostica and various other offshoots who say that the whole **higher power/god** business is overblown. they spend their time retrofitting their beliefs to the aa message.  why they can't say that the aa message is flawed is beyond me.      so why do i bring this up.      perhaps it is because that not only may aa not be the answer, it may be the wrong answer.      there are countless numbers of people who abuse alcohol to a great degree who occasionally find themselves in situations, of their own making, that are intolerable.  during these periods, defenses are down, self-recrimination is high. so people, in their desperation reach out for answers.  they turn to reddits like this one.      and the suggestions are **so** gentle: just go to a meeting, look for the similarities not the differences, find a sponsor, blah, blah, blah.      what they don't get is a reasoned human being saying perhaps this is the method that you should see out.  instead there are those with 1000s of days of sobriety who trot themselves forward as modern day aa apologists.  it could just as easily be said that those with 10+ years of sobriety were never alcoholics - much like aa claims for those who stop on their own.      see the thing is people wish to change their **behaviours**. aa insists that they have to change their lives. in my mind this is a complete falsehood and stems from aa's oxford group beginnings.    so i put my voice out there because there are different solutions, and to take a stand against one of them is not harmful. it provides context, it provides another point of view.  it lets those who are questioning see that there is not one amorphous whole.", "answer": "this exact thread comes up with different titles and arguments which always comes to the same conclusion; disagreement.   you can't say aa may be the wrong answer because if you get sober and stay sober, in my opinion that is the right fucking answer. as you said this r/stopdrinking so whatever it may take to get a person sober is the right answer for them.   aa never says anyone is not alcoholic, no where in the literature does it say that. that is not up to you, i, or bill and bob to decide. neither does the literature say that aa has a monopoly on sobriety, in fact it says the opposite.  i think it's safe to say, within this sub, aa is the predominately used means of getting sober, that teamed with aa's stance on fellowship means that people in aa are typically going to speak out more. if a person is deadset in aa being the only way, then that's simply not true because these other programs are proven as well. not that you shouldn't heed their advice, but that is a naive mindset.   the whole concept of aa is built for the long term. the steps are not a 30-60 day thing. if you're only going to aa for 30-60 days you may as well involve yourself in another community based program like smart.  i don't know why i even respond to these things any more. these posts do nothing cause arguments which contribute nothing to those trying to get sober.  so, sorry everyone, i did it again.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1g3shl", "comment_id": "1g3shl"}, {"question": "adjustment disorder?", "description": "has anyone else been diagnosed with a chronic adjustment disorder? with anxiety?", "answer": "an adjustment disorder tends to be a placeholder diagnosis, and usually can be diagnosed within 6 months of a major life change. the specifier \"with anxiety\" refers to the presence of anxiety as the primary symptom. the chronic modifier only means that symptoms have last longer than the usual 6 month period.   i'm not sure what about it you want to know, but it honestly doesn't mean much. usually it's used to avoid giving a diagnosis but still bill insurance.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4qtuo3", "comment_id": "4qtuo3"}, {"question": "diagnosed with measles - after receiving both rounds of mmr vaccine years ago", "description": "my information:  age: 23  sex: male  race: white  height: 5'10''  weight: 175lbs  i live in israel, and flew back there from america on april 27th. i believe the flight is where i contracted the disease.  on thursday 9 may i began showing the tell-tale rash, white spots on the tonsils, and dealt briefly with a fever. after a visit to both a doctor and a hospital where a blood and urine test was administered, i received a call the next day from the israeli ministry of health saying that i was confirmed to have measles. i have since been forbidden to leave my room in a student dormitory at my college here in israel, and have provided a list of people i have encountered to them.  attached is a picture of my face at the onset of the rash: [WEBLINK](WEBLINK)  the ministry of healthy believes i will stop being contagious wednesday night (tomorrow my time).  this is strange, as i have had both rounds of the mmr vaccine, both in 2001 and 2006. i am an otherwise healthy 23-year-old man who has received every vaccine.  i have several questions: am i in the 3% of people who can get measles after both instances of mmr vaccine?  i am flying to italy on thursday - is this something that i should cancel?  is there any special diet or treatment available?", "answer": "a reminder to u/toxicchildren and any other potential posters:  this is a medical advice subreddit. discussion of evidence is acceptable, but anti-vaccine activism is not. vaccines are overwhelmingly well established as one of the safest and most effective health interventions in existence.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bogfmj", "comment_id": "bogfmj"}, {"question": "i look high all the time even though i've never done drugs.", "description": "am currently 15, i've heard a lot of people say i look stoned all the time. i've never done any drugs before, so i don't know what it would be. i have dark spots from acne under my eye, and also wear contacts so maybe that's it? but i also don't think it is just my eyes that makes ppl think i'm high.    this seems kind of like a funny situation, but can anybody actually help me figure this out? atm i'm thinking it could be a medical issue?", "answer": "we probably need a photo to work this out!  you're probably ok. and believe me, addicts come in all shapes and sizes.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "52o3lp", "comment_id": "52o3lp"}, {"question": "fight for your life", "description": "i have been a smoker on and off for 14 years. i\u2019m also an rn who sees the terrible things it does to people over time. and yet i would still pick it back up. as long i didn\u2019t do it around my son, i thought , i was fine.  and then more recently my dad died suddenly of a heart attack last april at the young age of 59. he didn\u2019t seem sick at all, he was active , happy and  and seemed healthy. but... he was a smoker.  he told me  2 weeks before he died that he was going to quit on his 60 birthday, which was just shy of a month away. losing him has been the most difficult thing my family has ever gone through. he will never have the chance to see his precious grand children who are all under the age of 4 grow up. and all at the price of smoking. i have decided to fight for my own life , and that fight includes putting down the cigarettes once and for all. i hope that my dad\u2019s story motivates many to quit as well. we all hear these stories and think that it will never happen to us. but it most definitely can. save yourself from yourself, put them down once and for all.  ", "answer": "you can do it!  i thought i'd never be able to quit and i'm just a few days away from 4 months smoke free.", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "7ouzac", "comment_id": "7ouzac"}, {"question": "still sober after being raped", "description": "i wanted to follow up on my [previous post](WEBLINK) because you all were so kind to lend an ear when i posted last week in a bit of a crisis. thank you again to everyone who offered their support. just to know that someone was listening really helped me. if what i've learned can help someone else then it is worth sharing.  this last week has been one of the hardest. a little over a week ago i was raped in my own home by someone i trusted. i white-knuckled sobriety for awhile from there. \"iwndwyt\" was too big of a promise to make. the days were too long and my emotions were too fraught. my anxiety ratcheted up to levels i hadn't felt in months. the world felt hostile, my home felt tainted. and i felt betrayed by sobriety somehow. because what happened to me isn't supposed to happen to sober people, right?  to get through this, i had to dilate time, if that makes sense. i had to focus on getting through the next hour, or even the next minute, without a drink. to be honest, at times sobriety didn't even feel worth it at all. why stay sober? so i could feel this sense of pain and betrayal and shame fully? in my heart i knew that it would multiply my problems and dig a deeper hole for myself. i started telling myself, \"if you still feel this way at this time tomorrow, you can go pick up that bottle of red wine you've been craving,\" and then when tomorrow finally came, i'd tell myself to wait just one more day.  as it's been said on sd before, if you can make it through your hardest days sober, you can make it through any day. i didn't want to lose myself to alcohol or to what had happened. i stuck to my routine of waking up early, exercising, eating right. before doing things i'd ask myself, \"is this a kind thing to do to/for myself?\" and if the answer was no i wouldn't do it.  i know that healing isn't linear, and there will still be highs and lows, but i think i'm over the worst of it. things have gotten a lot easier and i know i'm going to be okay. when i feel myself getting worked up, i try to allow myself to feel those emotions, accept them for what they are, and let them go. to let them wash over me without letting them take me out to sea. i'm seven months sober today and today i can say with confidence, i will not drink with you today. thank you.", "answer": "i read your first post and i was thinking about you this week. you sound very courageous :) iwndwyt ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9n36pv", "comment_id": "9n36pv"}, {"question": "addicted too bitting my arms! - itchy inside upper arms only! doctors of reddit help", "description": "15 white uk and i'm addicted too biting my arms. my arm bitting started around last year around september when i came off my holiday at the end of august from spain which i stayed for 3 weeks 4 days in fuengirola.  i was covered up a lot due too always feeling poorly when ever it's warm weather because i do burn easily but i didn't burn where my arms were so very itchy after the holiday due too being covered nearly all the holiday.   when i tried too itch my arms too get rid of the sensation it would make my arm burn so bad that is made me feel like crying so i started biting because i found it was inside of my arms on the side which was itchy and no where else. it reduced the itching after biting by a lot. my arms would get infected a lot and my parents tried helping taking me too our doctors 2 times a week due too my arms being in bad shape. i would feel very poorly due too getting infections and was told i could not bite them due too infections traveling/getting worser too make a open wound!   i was prescribed a lot of antibiotics which made me even more poorly. in around december when the doctors/hospital listened too my parents about the possible medical issue i could have they tested me for diabetes, kidney, blood pressure, liver... everything but everything came back fine and that's what confused my parents and the doctors. they even tried ruling it out as coeliac and loads of other things which came back negative due too me having oral allergy syndrome which makes me allergic too fruit, veg, juices, all pollens etc but that is controllable. and i'm regularly checked for that.   my parents got a letter in around january for dermatologist too view my situation. when we went too go there they swabbed my arms due too them being very infected when i got there from the previous night of biting very deep. they got medical photographers in too take pictures of both my arms.   this situation keeps repeating they have told my parents they won't do a skin biopsy due too my already scaring which is bad and don't want too damage my arms any more as they are due too possibly having nerve damage because of my biting. they have also tried treating me with light therapy but after each treatment i felt very poorly and they dismissed me for treatment there. and now i've been reffered too cams due too biting my arms which is self harming. i've even said if i was gonna self harm i would use something sharp etc but they don't listen. i'm not depressed nor suffer with anxiety i love being outside love doing activitys love helping people and my parents even believe and they need answers cause the hospital thing i'm a medical mystery. i'm always in pain and always itchy in that perticualr place. doctors of reddit please help! i'm always on steroid tablets too help me, ointments and lots of others. my weight has increased due too that and now weigh 96 kg. [my arms ](WEBLINK) ", "answer": "uk psychiatrist here. have you got your camhs appointment? what did they say about you when you were with them previously?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6wglfi", "comment_id": "6wglfi"}, {"question": "is it unethical for a therapist, to publicly like comments that insult people with mental health issues?", "description": "i'm talking about youtube therapist dr. todd grande here, who is apparently obsessed with making videos about narcissism, but that's not the point. i noticed that, when he's making videos on bpd, aspd or npd, he likes comments under his video where people straight up insult those suffering from those personality disorders. dr. grande likes comments like \"they are full of shit, lol. try saying [blank] to them, trust me, it's driving them absolutely nuts\". so he pretty much supports people, who not only insult, but also suggest to bother those people. seeing that reminded me of that unprofessional comment from katie morton, where she pretty much said those people were \"disgusting\". i was wondering if liking those comment is just as unethical?  thanks in advance!", "answer": "this is a little bit tricky as when speaking of ethics and un/ ethical behavior for a profession, there are clearly defined ethical principles. for this to be unethical it must be contrary to one of these defined principles.   this will depend on the profession. while i'm uncertain about the ethicalness of this practice. it certainly seems to be bad form", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d7aeig", "comment_id": "d7aeig"}, {"question": "could my therapist refer me elsewhere if i tell him about my transference?", "description": "i'm really ashamed, and uncertain about my feelings towards my therapist. lately, since i began seeing him, i've made some good progress. but i also get this bad feeling in my gut, like the butterflies in my stomach before i see him. at first i thought it was just anxiety, but lately i've been thinking i may have some romantic/inappropriate feelings towards him. that of which i'm obviously not comfortable with, nor do i even want to address.  however, i've been reading that it's completely normal and common in patients to experience transference. even if this is true, i'm still embarrassed, and i'm actually afraid if i tell him, he may be uncomfortable, or feel it's better that i find another therapist so that this doesn't get in the way of the professional nature of the therapy. overall my question is, can he refer me to someone else if i tell him this and he doesn't take it well? if so, then i'm contemplating not telling him at all, because i don't want to risk losing the progress i'm making, yet at the same time i feel inclined to tell him because they're somewhat intrusive thoughts and gnawing at my mind.  i know i'm not in love with him, but i just feel guilty for even thinking about him in that way, and like i should just keep it to myself. can someone please help throw in their 2 cents?  edited: for wrong there/their.", "answer": "do you think you can work through it until it passes? do some work on your own to sort of talk yourself down?   it can be common if the therapist is of the gender you\u2019re normally attracted to.  i suppose it can still be a different kind of attachment when they are a gender you\u2019re not attracted to romantically and may manifest more as seeing them like a parent, sibling, or close friend. while we don\u2019t worry as much when it\u2019s a feeling like the latter, we do when it feels like romantic feelings.   an idea might be to journal or think on what it is that is the attraction. is it because they are kind, empathetic, genuine, supportive etc? those are all the things we want in a so right? they are good qualities! if the t is attractive then even more so may we find ourselves attracted in this romantic way....finally a good quality human who does all the things we could hope for. they listen, they support, they care. sometimes the knowing we can\u2019t have them can intensify this (the old wanting what we can\u2019t have). try to remind yourself they are human and have flaws you don\u2019t know about. maybe they are really messy and leave their underwear all over the house, maybe they get really grumpy when they don\u2019t have their way, or maybe they survive off chocolate milk and cheetos that they eat while sitting in their briefs watching some awful show that you would never watch in a million years lol idk just coming up with random things. point being maybe thinking of qualities they are missing that you would want in a so or make up your own not so attractive qualities they might have that would be a turn off (yet not lead you to lose all respect for them as a therapist lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epciq6", "comment_id": "epciq6"}, {"question": "my doctor thinks that i have bipolar, my therapist thinks that i have cyclothymia, and i don't know what to think right now.", "description": "**tl;dr: antidepressants made me worse, my doctor thinks i have bipolar, my therapist thinks that i am cyclothymic.**  a year ago, i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. my doctor started me on paxil, but after a rough 6 weeks, i switched to zoloft. this is the same time i began therapy.   i seemed to be doing ok on the zoloft for the first several months, then i started to develop really severe mood swings. i've always had moderate mood swings between \"everything is awesome!\" and \"the world sucks!\", but i never thought anything of it until recently. i just thought it was a normal young adult thing (i'm a 21 year old female, for the record).  the more my doctor increased my meds, the worse i got, until he and i talked about me weaning off of them. i have now been fully off of the antidepressants for about a month now.  my doctor has referred me to a psychiatrist to rule out bipolar disorder. my therapist leans more toward believing i am cyclothymic than bipolar. on my highs, i've always thought i was having a mild anxiety attack--talking super fast, tons of energy out of nowhere, the need to do absolutely everything all at once, racing thoughts, inflated self-esteem. on my lows, i've always thought that it was just depression--lethargy, no motivation to do anything whatsoever, inability to sleep (or sleeping too much), irritability, general depressive mood. and i've always been this way, although it seemed worse when i was on zoloft. i wouldn't say that i've had any major episodes of either, though.  my psychiatric referral isn't until mid-april, but i'm all sorts of paranoid. my dad has bipolar disorder (although i'm not sure whether he has i or ii). my doctor believes that i am bipolar, but my therapist believes i am cyclothymic. i don't know what to believe, i'm just trying to get through this. i don't want to be on any more meds, but if i have to, i will.   what do you all think? those of you who are cyclothymic, how has your diagnosis changed your life or the way others perceive or treat you? enough people tip-toed around me when i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. i don't want it to happen again with a new diagnosis.", "answer": "think of it as a spectrum.  these two diagnoses are both on the spectrum but at different intensity positions.  so, essentially if either is correct, then its a form of bipolar.  ", "topic": "bipolarreddit", "post_id": "3zivv2", "comment_id": "3zivv2"}, {"question": "mastrbation for 14yr old?", "description": "i\u2019m a 14yr old male and mastrbate 1-2 times a week with lotion. are there any health risks with the frequency and the fact of mastrbating?", "answer": "there are no health risks to masturbation.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hh3j47", "comment_id": "hh3j47"}, {"question": "am i [23f] asking for too much from my [21m]?", "description": "my boyfriend and i have been dating for getting close to 6 months. he's practically brand new in the world of dating. before me his last relationship was ldr and it was back when he was still in highschool.  well, i'm having a bit of an issue here. keep in mind they're minor and i usually i just let it go or even laugh about it because everyone's got their own baggage. but imo they're starting to add up and starting to make me want to yell at him.   i apologize if its lengthy but here goes:     we both live in our parent's houses (thats not the problem) now a 20 minute drive doesnt bother me; what does bother me is that everytime i arrive there he's either still asleep in bed, or awake but unshowered or even hasn't even brushed his teeth. especially that last part. he knows i hate bad breath and bad hygiene yet he's always trying to kiss me even though a single toothbrush bristle hasn't even touched anywhere in his mouth. and everytime i ask why he hasn't he's always saying something like \"i was busy\", even though it could be 2pm and he texted me he was awake around 11am. like what could you be doing thats so time consuming you can't take 2 minutes out of your life to brush your teeth? i took like an hours worth of time and energy to look good for my bf, why cant he do the same?     next, he doesn't have a car or a license (again, not a problem) what does bug me is that everytime i pick him up, i never get a thank you or anything. furthermore, when i try to bring up driving school or anything its automatically shot down with a \"no, i havent looked into it\" or an \"i don't have time/money\" i'm always telling him i'll happily pay for the school or drive him there but we never get past that.      speaking of money, the problem is just that. now before i get there, let me just say he has spent money on me often and i thank him everytime for doing so. but everytime he does get a huge sum of money one of the first things i tell him is \"ok before anything, save $ __ amount of money for driving school/an apartment/ a car/ etc\" and before the week ends, guess where it goes? anime/manga, fast food, video game related items, everything but what we mentioned we need to save for. i get that we all want things, but his bad habit is that those are his priorities rather than his secondaries.      lastly, the last problem is that he doesn't work. his last job was a work-study but he's not in college this year due to some fafsa related problem. same concept as the driving school dilemma: i ask, met with \"yeah i'll do it later\" or \"no i haven't so stop nagging me to do it\". meanwhile i just finished my umpteenth job application because i'm desperately trying to support myself, my car insurance, and him and our needs.  tl;dr: bf is stinky-breathed, unemployed with no driver's license  i'm constantly being told that i'm being that \"overbearing nagging buzzkill girlfriend\". i'm wanting to know if i'm asking for too much from him? or am i in the right? any advice for this type of relationship?  thanks!", "answer": "there there are few absolutes in life. it is less about right or wrong or overbearing or under bearing or nagging or not nagging; it's about whether or not your boyfriend is the kind of man you want your boyfriend to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5shuan", "comment_id": "5shuan"}, {"question": "33f divorcing ex (38m), found new bf (34m)", "description": "i (33f) dated a guy (38m) for three years, and was married to him for a little over 3 years (6 year long relationship total), during which we had sex twice while married. it took 3 years, but i fell out of love with him, while he slowly became a fairly nice, yet messy, roommate there at the end.  i mean, we had sex fewer times than years we had been married.  we seem to be fairly amicable about it all.   so the odd part is that i sometimes forget that i'm still technically married because i started getting out there and dating people as soon as we separated 3.5 months ago.  and i just don't really think about my ex, like i suppose that i should be.   1. **is forgetting that i'm not yet divorced weird, uncommon, or really poor emotional maturity on my part?**  2. i didn't think that i'd get \"serious\" or \"exclusive\" with any one guy while in the middle of a divorce, but i seem to have done it.  we've met some friends/co-workers so far, but no family or best friends, yet.  **i should get the divorce finalized before we do any family meet and greets, right?**  i haven't even told my family that i'm dating, yet, because i don't think i want to have the conversation with them. is that a sign?  3. saying \"i love you\" seems to be on the horizon of things that the new bf (34m) might say in the near future.  i don't feel comfortable saying it back until i feel \"free\" to say it, but what are good responses to that possible occurence, that won't hurt his ego, too much, if i don't say it back at the same time.  tl;dr sometimes i forget i'm getting divorced, is that weird? how soon to meet new bf's family? how do i not say \"i love you\" back, but keep new bf happy?", "answer": "in a sexless marriage, the intensity/intimacy is not there.  which means that it's essentially platonic/sibling-like.  which means you're kind of not married [with a capital m].  which means you've been emotionally available for a long time, thus finding a bf quickly isn't a surprise.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "620732", "comment_id": "620732"}, {"question": "my fiance has waited for my divorce to be final. it happened today. he accused me of filing fake papers.", "description": "my fianc\u00e9 and i had a rocky start.  we have been much better these days. however, he is paranoid.  chronically paranoid.  my divorce has taken 3 years to finish and today was the final day.  it\u2019s done.  i didn\u2019t go to court, my ex did, since it was uncontested at that point.  we have done a lot of mediation to get here.  i have been telling my fianc\u00e9 that it\u2019s done \u2014 almost done \u2014 getting done \u2014 for awhile.  my ex\u2019s lawyers were slow and no one was in a hurry because there really wasn\u2019t any money at stake.  it was indeed driving me crazy too.  so i stopped promising and just texted my fianc\u00e9 today and said \u201cit\u2019s finally done.  my ex just left the court.  i\u2019m officially divorced\u201d  he said \u201coh,  yah.  good to know.\u201d  he said he was going to be calling the court for a certified copy.  he admitted to me last month that he called the court weekly to see what was or was not happening with the divorce.  then about an hour after this \u2014 he was leaving the house and he called and said some cops were in the cul da sac talking in their cars.  he said your location wasn\u2019t working on your iphone well today,  cops in the cul da sac and your ex was at court.  what\u2019s really going on here?  did you or he try to put a restraining order on me?  i said omg.  are you kidding me right now?  he said anything is possible with me.  (i did put a restraining order on him in the first year we were together because he had a temper and was threatening me.  but we obviously worked things out).  but i was just like\u2026.wow.  i take 10 steps forward and 22 back\u2026when he talks like this to me.  i am about to head home and i\u2019m not in a good frame of mind.  i am actually sad about the divorce.  i have a son and it really does hurt.    i can\u2019t talk to my fianc\u00e9 about that.  but it\u2019s tough.  my ex is now nice to me and we are good parents.  but, i am sad to say the least.  i feel a lot of regret.  is any of this and/or my feelings normal?  ", "answer": "impossible to have a healthy rel. with someone like him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yi4d3", "comment_id": "6yi4d3"}, {"question": "just ruined christmas for my family. guilt is unprecedented", "description": "my agoraphobia has taken over my entire life. just had to tell my family i can\u2019t be there because i can\u2019t function enough to do so. i was told that i have ruined christmas and they\u2019re completely shocked that they are even having this conversation with me. i\u2019m a total failure. i don\u2019t feel any form of happiness right now and just feel like an entire sack of shit. i hope no one else is going through this, but i\u2019m sure there are people with the same problem. i hope everyone\u2019s making it through the holidays alright. ", "answer": "you didn't do this. you didn't choose this and other people with the same affliction do the same thing. if you were in control you'd choose differently. treat it as the infection it is. it's not choice because you'd never actively choose this awful shit over an awkward day with family. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "7m2v5e", "comment_id": "7m2v5e"}, {"question": "my so is in aa and suddenly ended our 3 year relationship- can someone help me understand what is going on? (x posted)", "description": "my boyfriend and i were dating for almost three years. we moved in together in january and one weekend in april he was away on a bachelor party trip. i went over to his moms house and she told me she was worried about him- that he had a gambling addiction. this was the first i had ever heard about this.   we planned to confront him on the sunday of his return and while i was at work before picking him up his mother found drugs in his room. when we got to his moms she had staged an intervention and he admitted that he was doing drugs (not gambling) the entire time (going on about 7 or 8 months- possibly more).   i had no idea that he was doing this. for awhile i thought he was depressed and thought that was just really what was going on but he was actually extremely addicted to heroin. this was absolutely crushing to me. my father died from a drug overdose when i was 15 and this really hit close to home.   he immediately went to a drug rehab after we confronted him. at first i thought he would only be there a month but it turned into a 90 day program. i supported him the entire time he was there by going to once weekly therapy sessions with him and going to a drug and alcohol seminar for 3 days at the rehab. we talked daily and got to see each other a couple of times when he was able to leave on a 8-hour or weekend pass.   by the time june rolled around i thought that he would be getting out and able to move back into our apartment we shared together. when i went to the therapy session for the week he told me that he would be going to a halfway house for six months after he left to stay sober. i can't say i was happy about this decision- i would have to move out of our apartment because he would no longer be living there and wouldn't pay rent. however, i wanted him to do what was best for his health and what he needed to do to stay sober.   as of last week he had been at his halfway house for a month- which meant that he would be able to leave on his own when he wanted. which meant we would be able to see each other more than we had since he entered rehab in april.   we saw each other on monday and he talked about wanting to hang out on thursday (i was off work) and how i should pick a restaurant we could go to and have a good day. on tuesday night he told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore.   this was a complete shock. from the beginning he always told me how grateful he was that i was supporting him. i can't understand why after being there for four months (and over 2 years together) that he can just cut me out of his life all of the sudden.   i understand that while in recovery and aa you become selfish because this is a life or death situation. i have been to al-anon and heard what the people in there have had to say too.   i am just so confused and hurt that after all this time it is like i don't even figure into his life anymore. i know that some people say not to start a relationship within your first year in aa but we have been together so much longer than that.   if anyone can give me some advice- or help me understand maybe what is going on with him i would be so grateful. this has really affected me and i just want some understanding so i can have some kind of closure.", "answer": "i wouldn't be quick to call this selfishness. i mean it may very well be, but i don't think you or any of us have the full story.   it sounds like there is more going on that we're not hearing and i don't think we're equipped to deal with the situation either way. i would look into actually workong at alanon because they can help you more than we can.   i'm sorry you went through all this, alcoholics are a strange breed. my only advice is to be willing to talk to him and let let go of any resentments. because where i'm from no one in the program would suggest to just cold shoulder you. the program is one of selflessness that begins on the selfish motive of escaping alcoholism. for me that quickly changed to being of service to the people my life.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "1kdp3y", "comment_id": "1kdp3y"}, {"question": "why don't mental health professionals take insurance?", "description": "  why is it that medical professionals take insurance but not mental health professionals?    i don't want to see some random social worker, i want to see someone with a ph.d. in psychology, who is actually trained and went through therapy themselves.  but they want $260 an hour and don't take insurance.    who can afford that? seriously. ", "answer": "any therapists i've seen in the past have taken my insurance. i live in ma and we are fairly ahead of the curb in terms of mental health though. where do you live? i'm not used to hearing about mental health professionals not taking insurance. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "70zc1b", "comment_id": "70zc1b"}, {"question": "i faced my fear and sang at an open mic night for my first time!", "description": "i've been reading how to heal your life by louise hay. i'm still in the beginning of the book, but she talks about our thoughts and how we can control our reality via our thoughts. she says when we feel fear, it's an indication of where we have room to grow. so when i was working on my laptop at a cafe and they started setting up for their open mic (that i did not know about before hand) i felt few feelings: first, a desire to get up and play. second, fear of fucking up & doubt that i would sound good especially not having practiced for it, then third i felt compelled again to just do it because this fear is showing me where i have room to grow, and i want to grow!!! so i asked a guy if i could borrow his guitar and he put me on the list and i did it! afterwards all the other musicians were clapping and encouraging me to play more, that i sounded great and they hope to see me next time! ahhh i'm so glad i did it!! it was only one song and i was clearly nervous but i just had to do it. i want to face my fears so that i can live a life free of second guessing myself. i wanna proudly walk on stage with confidence that i can sing and play and it doesnt matter if i mess up as long as i'm having fun. my heart was pounding the whole time and i was sweating but i feel so proud of myself now. thanks for reading yall :)", "answer": "congrats!  i remember the first open mic i played about 15 years ago when i was 17.  i was so nervous it sounded like i was singing with an unintentional vibrato!  :-d  i find playing them to be the best way to face your fears and start to overcome your social anxiety.  keep it up!  maybe make it a regular thing?", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "acktxq", "comment_id": "acktxq"}, {"question": "i put a spoon in the blender", "description": "this week in adhd fun, i tried making a smoothie for me and my roommate, spent  40 mins assorting the ingredients and when i finally started blending - i started to hear really loud noises. i still kept going. when i was done - i poured the smoothie out and jesus fuck it had a spoon. my roommate had a couple questions for me tho:   1. how the hell did i get the spoon to drown under the fruits?   2. what was the spoon even being used for?    3. why didn't i stop when i heard the loudass sounds? i could've broken the blender.   i didn't have the answers to any of them. i never do. oof.", "answer": "> my roommate had a couple questions for me tho:  my husband also often has some for me. i feel you.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "c2y6jp", "comment_id": "c2y6jp"}, {"question": "so overwhelmed with getting diagnosed", "description": "i\u2019m working to get diagnosed, at my therapists recommendation. every time we sit in our session she basically tells me all my problems are related to my adhd and that i should really get assessed. i am only covered by insurance in my home state which is leaving me to have to find an psychologist to do an evaluation on my own. i don\u2019t know what to do. all of the psychologists around me are child psychologists, and i\u2019m 21.   my senior year of highschool i was assessed by a man (who i later found out graduated in 1978 and hadn\u2019t updated his evaluations since) who told me that i didn\u2019t have adhd , and that if i was having all kinds of problems relating to impulsivity or focus i should talk to my guidance counselor for help since my grades were high. most reviews online bashed him for only being after the insurance money and being a shitty psychologist. my primary care doctor (pediatrician at the time) recommended him and it seemed both thought that girls with adhd were very rare.   now here i am, struggling with day to day life and i still am not diagnosed. i am nervous about getting another guy like the first who think that adhd only looks like loud boys who can\u2019t sit still, and then being told no again. i have been looking at who my insurance covers, but none of them specifically say they work with adhd adults. i don\u2019t know what to do and i am so overwhelmed. if someone could please help me i would really appreciate it.  ", "answer": "find a psychiatrist (an md who can prescribe meds, since meds are really the first line treatment) who specializes in adhd instead of a psychologist. a psychologist can do an assessment but can\u2019t prescribe you meds. a psychiatrist can assess/diagnose you plus give you meds if it\u2019s appropriate. going to a psychologist would probably be an extra and potentially unneeded step for you. if the psychiatrist wants you to undergo neuropsych testing to confirm an adhd diagnosis, then go to a psychologist for that.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a72rc5", "comment_id": "a72rc5"}, {"question": "multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome?", "description": "age: 22 sex: male height: 6'5\" weight: 180lbs race: white duration of complaint: months to years geographic location: pacific northwest existing medical issues: anxiety (gee i wonder why) current medications: escitalopram 5mg  problems: premature atrial and/or ventrical contractions (hundreds per day). exercise makes them worse. twitching all over body, especially in eyelid, flanks, and calves. rarely does a minute go by without noticable twitching. lack of energy even when getting plenty of sleep. dull lower abdominal pain and bloating. usually mild, occasionally severe. typically worst in lower right quadrant. acid reflux correlated with bloating. frequent but small, irregular and often difficult bowel movements. urination has become more frequent, and often cloudy. sharp pains lasting for a <1min and radiating from right flank to groin (\"colic\"?) headaches almost continuously. pulsatile tinnitus. remarkably shaky hands (similar to what i see in 90-year-olds) hard plaque builds up extremely quickly on my teeth even when i brush well 3x per day. episodes of shortness of breath. pain/discomfort in legs with no clear cause (mostly knees, calves, and ankles). generally \"absent minded\" and forgetful. three of what appear to be fibrous papules on my nose. lots of atypical moles. back in 2016 a blood test showed somewhat high calcium (10.1 mg/dl) and low vitamin d (21.8ng/ml). most of these symptoms were present in 2016, and have only become more severe as time goes on.  the two different doctors i saw about most of these problems basically said that anxiety was the cause (not an effect), and that it would go away if i stopped thinking about it. well, with the help of escitalopram i managed to do that. i was convinced for about 6 months that it was just anxiety and quit worrying about all these problems. however, the physical symptoms just kept getting worse up to the point where i can no longer just keep ignoring them.  i have noticed that this is basically a one-to-one list of the symptoms of hyperparathyroidism, along with additional symptoms consistent with mens1, which i did not know existed until recently. my brother has many of the same symptoms as well as a crooked and painful joint in one finger that has developed over the last couple of years.  as far as i can tell from skimming medical journals and disease databases, there is no other cause for all these problems in siblings that isn't far more unlikely (two unconnected cases of hpt is much less likely in 22-year-olds (about 1/1000^2) than one double case of mens1 (1/10000), non-mens familial hpt is so rare that nobody even knows the incidence, and non-tumor hpt is rare and typically doesn't cause symptoms). that sucks, because mens1 is basically a guarantee of dying young from some really nasty cancers.  any opinions on this?", "answer": "to echo what was said: you have a bunch of nonspecific symptoms, many of which are consistent with anxiety. you have a high normal calcium\u2014and note the *normal* there\u2014and low vitamin d. and most importantly, look at the name: multiple endocrine neoplasia. the sine qua non of the syndrome is *multiple neoplasias* (tumors/cancers), which neither you nor anyone in your family seems to have had.  rather than running the numbers on hyperparathyroidism (which there is little to suggest that you have) and men1 (which, again, there is little to suggest that you have), it's worth considering whether your symptoms suggest either disease. they would be consistent, but they are not suggestive; they're nonspecific enough to be consistent with anything, including no disease. (depending on severity, of course, but it sounds like you've seen doctors and none of them have, for instance, assessed your tremor as needing neurological workup.)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "a0fyyi", "comment_id": "a0fyyi"}, {"question": "is this really how it's supposed to work? i spend all my life working so i can fail to even scrape by.", "description": "this has got to be some kind of sick joke. am i really supposed to somehow survive on this income? is this supposed to be in any way realistic?   i spend the vast majority of my waking hours working and all i have to show for it is a ruined credit rating, maxed out cards, an empty bank account and collectors up my ass all day. the cable company is repossessing their modem because i couldn't afford the fucking cable bill. whatever, thank god i don't have to pay cable anymore. good thing there's such a thing as free wifi or i wouldn't have any internet access at all.  what really fucking gets me boiling is reading these useless financial advice blogs. \"oh you're just not saving because you spend too much on frivolous shit.\" like fucking what asshole? like my tiny ass apartment where i have no tv, no furniture, no bed, no cookware, no food but the beans and fucking rice and off-brand ramen noodles i eat every day? or maybe you mean the one pair of jeans i wear to work every god damn day and hope no one notices because i have nothing else to wear? is that the frivolous spending you're talking about? these stupid fucks in their own world where somehow i'm magically supposed to have $100 a month to put in savings. i have to pay my rent, i have to pay utilities, i have to pay for my utterly asinine medical bills ($500 for three visits with a shrink who just wanted to talk about fucking sports the whole time. are you shitting me?).   next time i get sick i'm not going to the fucking doctor i can tell you that much. i'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope i don't have fucking cancer, cause i sure as hell know what i don't have, and that's enough money to pay your retarded ass fucking bill!  then people tell me to start a business or invest. go fuck yourselves. what planet do you live on? what am i supposed to invest? the linty quarter i found under my mattress? oh yeah i'm sure that's gonna pay all kinds of dividends you useless dipshit.  i swear i feel like i'm talking to aliens half the time. \"oh $7 for a beer? that's so much. i'll take five beers please.\" are you kidding me? that's like a whole day of fucking work! is this real? when i listen to other people talk about money i feel like everyone's playing a prank on me. you spent how much on dinner? $100 on food? for one night? do you know how many weeks worth of ramen and canned kidney beans you could get for that?  the whole god damn world is just one giant dildo designed to fuck you in the ass, and it's set up so the more you scream and the more your asshole tears the deeper and harder and faster that dildo thrusts it's way up there.   oh it costs $20 a month? good i can manage that. oops you missed a payment now you owe us $5,000 a pint of blood and your first born son, sorry.   so you're strapped for cash. you spent some money because you wanted to buy something for your girlfriend on her birthday, because god forbid you ever try to be giving or generous or attempt to show appreciation or affection. you miss one payment. now that payment is twice as much, you can't afford that. so you have to let it go again, now it's three times as much, you finally manage to pay it off, but at the expense of two other bills, now both of these are twice as much.  if this is how life is supposed to be count me out. i'll go live in the fucking woods or some shit then. it's just a constant nagging tension on my mind, i don't need to be filthy rich. i don't even need to be a little rich. i'd be happy with comfortable i'd be happy with not dreading the sound of my own phone ringing because i know it's gonna be a debt collector. i'd be happy with not wincing in emotional pain every time my girlfriend wants to do something and i have to tell her no because i'm too god damned poor.  i'm not lazy, i'm not a fucking bum. i didn't drop out of school, do drugs, commit any crimes. i rarely drink, i don't smoke, i don't gamble. i did everything i was \"supposed\" to, and all i got in return was buttfucked.", "answer": "financial advice blogs are not meant for people in \"actual\" trouble like you.  they are meant for people who are making enough, but are just fucking themselves.  what you want looks more like this:      WEBLINK      WEBLINK      WEBLINK      WEBLINK   (state specific but will give you an idea of how the system works)      WEBLINK         and if you have zero assets and only debt.... WEBLINK      knowing what state or even a more specific area you were in would help a lot more.  there are tons of city-specific programs to help people.      i am sorry that this is happening to you.  i hope things turn around.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1kn43y", "comment_id": "1kn43y"}, {"question": "anyone else don\u2019t feel like doing anything when they get a bad stretch of depression?", "description": "i\u2019ve had so much to do today laundry, homework get groceries but i have barely touched any of it. i feel so numb and don\u2019t want to get up. anyone else ever feel like that ", "answer": "totally.   i often feel that way.  playing computer games and reading was the best i could do.  forcing myself to work out bit by bit helped.  baby steps regarding workouts, but it\u2019s definitely worth it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9ibyph", "comment_id": "9ibyph"}, {"question": "when your [23f] so [27m] cheats, can you ever really get past it?", "description": "i discovered that my partner of 5 years had been sneaking around with pictures of people we know personally because they were familiar faces (his words, not mine). this may not be considered cheating to some people, but they weren't random pictures of girls he'd found online, it's more personal.  i feel betrayed, i can't trust him and i'm genuinely curious if you can ever *really* get past something like this and continue a normal relationship. ", "answer": "yes. many relationships survive cheating and become happy relationships again. it's not easy though, and it's not like anybody involved forgets what happened or necessarily becomes indifferent to it.   what your partner of five years did is creepy, but he didn't fuck anyone. he didn't make out with anyone. no one touched his penis. no one whispered i love you. no one sent sex-fantasy emails.  if your relationship was good, it can probably be good again. if it was built on a hollow romance that you were both perfect for each other, and that neither of you would do something as common as have masturbatory fantasies about your friends, then it's probably going to be a problem. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e7mfe", "comment_id": "6e7mfe"}, {"question": "i (27/f) want to tell my partner (28/m) how i feel without crying but that seems impossible as i've tried a million times...", "description": "we are almost 10 years deep into a relationship that has/had? long term goals including a house and kids. however the long and short is that our relationship is crap right now and we both agreed to work on it but it's becoming more and more one sided (my side) as the days goes by.    i want to tell my partner how i feel but crying always makes me look weak and he always seems to get the upper hand when i cry. i hate hate that no matter how hard i try, i cannot hold the tears in ffs! i want to talk without my emotions completely choking me up. i will literally stop mid sentence when i feel the tears coming and breath long and deep and try to focus or look at the ceiling to regroup my thoughts and try not to let water run but it just does. i've tried rehearsing, i even cry during that! what's worse is that i'm not sobbing outside of a quivering bottom lip, my eyes literally just pour out tears. i can sometimes get it together enough to simply talk but as i talk, tears run... it's so frustrating.    any advice on how to talk to him without crying? and yeah, i've thought about writing or something that doesn't require me actually talking to him but this is serious stuff and i don't feel like words on paper is the right way to handle this. ", "answer": "it's ok to cry. it's not weak. it's what u feel", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y8t22", "comment_id": "6y8t22"}, {"question": "can anyone explain confidentiality?", "description": "im another post, someone said therapists break confidentiality regarding past harm (if someone harmed you as a child, for example). is it true? i'm quite anxious now", "answer": "every state has their own law regarding this.  some are stricter than others.     in my state, pa.  we only report incidents of child abuse if the child being abused is currently under 18.  the only other instance we'd report is if someone who is over 18 reports past sexual abuse and the perpetrator currently has access to children who may be in danger.     anything else is confidential, however, this vastly differs from state to state.  i would ask your therapist to discuss the specifics of their duty to report and/or look up your state's mandated reporting laws (if in the usa, if elsewhere, look up your local laws).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "do1dc9", "comment_id": "do1dc9"}, {"question": "at battle with a mass astringent - why i will break my relationship with you over 1 drink", "description": "* if someone relapses, being understanding and giving them another chance is probably the right thing to do.  one drink, or one night of relapse is not really a big deal.  if they recognize the mistake right away and get back on the path, that's a good sign, isn't it?  lots of people with long term sobriety tell me a story about how they were sober for a good piece of time, had one drink or one night of relapse, and realized immediately that it was a mistake.  * i really hope that's your story.   * one night of relapse is not a big deal, really.  it's no big deal to drink alcohol, and that's the problem.  some of the people i know reacted with suspicion and outrage when i decided to quit, \"we all have a few bad nights, but that's no reason to quit drinking, jesus.\"  it wasn't even a big deal when i hit rock bottom, just another bad night, one of 2000 similarly bad nights where i had too much to drink.   * even when i quit drinking, i wasn't sure about my decision.  i had to rely on wanting to want to quit for at least three months.  every other day i had a plan, craving, or dream where i could let it slip, drink under controlled circumstances, or drink after a long stretch of clean living.  i had to give every craving pause by just putting it off until later, \"i might be heartbroken now, but i don't know how i'll feel in 6 weeks, a year from now, or when i'm 50.\"   * right around three months of sobriety was the first time i could genuinely make the decision to never drink again, and at that moment i shut the door on alcohol for the rest of my life.  fuck a day at a time.  fuck \"cheating on your diet\" and having a few drinks one night.  fuck the entire current culture and alcohol's sanction by society.   * in 400+ days of sobriety i have managed to move back from the cliff's edge of active alcoholism by about 2\".  i will always be on the precipice of picking up again.  that's well established.  i can put that away, put away my fear, and enjoy the view from this outcrop of sanity that i sit on.  the wind is alarming, but will not push me over that edge.  i can look down at the rock bottom below and experience the fear that i will jump, but not move.   * if i forgive someone for making a mistake and picking up a drink, then maybe i could forgive myself for doing the same thing.   * do i really want to toy with that decision that i wrestled with for 10 years before i found sanity?  if i antagonize that decision in any way, i feel like i will end up struggling with that decision for the rest of my life.  i don't want to struggle.  i don't want to be with someone who is struggling.   * alcohol is out of my life for good and i will go the rest of my life without ever having another drink.   * it's not you, babe.  it's me.  things were great, i worried that you were struggling with cravings, and i'm sorry i couldn't understand.  i've moved on from the struggle.   * your mind can accomplish amazing things that you don't even realize yet.  you can remove your self from your feelings and observe them from a distance.  i couldn't do that while surrounded by a bunch of grown-ass children who live from hand-to-mouth, denying themselves nothing, over-fed and overexposed to advertising, but instead found it in the forests, in tranquility, in the human's native land.  that's my answer, and i hope you find yours.", "answer": "i can't in good consciousness end a relationship with a person that goes back out when i know how deceptively powerful this disease. if i wasn't forgiven or welcomed back or helped after i lapsed i would be drunk right now. i can't turn my back on someone out there who could be set free from the vicious cycle that alcoholism runs in people's lives, especially not when that love was so freely given to me when i couldn't love myself. that's my view on it.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jwass", "comment_id": "1jwass"}, {"question": "hey how common is it to turn down a patient at \"intake\"?", "description": "thanks made a decision!", "answer": "could you ask him about his experience first? ask where he trained , he likely did his internship or post doc in an inpatient facility,  which is extremely common.   you are assuming that your hallucination history is the reason for the problem you are having.  everyone is booked right now because of covid.   if i had to guess, i would guess that  you aren't getting calls back because insurance is a hassle when so many are begging for therapy and willing to pay cash. many therapists have only a few slots for insurance. obviously,  a return call would be polite,  and i'm sorry you aren't getting that.   i have never, ever , ever turned away a patient after doing intake and\" finding something inconvenient.\" however,  it is ethical to accept someone out of scope or who requires specialized treatment.  for example, i am fine treating someone with psychosis,  but not able to treat someone with an eating disorder.   hallucinations are one of the most commonly omitted issues in spmi. of course honesty is the best way to get help, but it is not unusual to lie.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hn6m0q", "comment_id": "hn6m0q"}, {"question": "first relationship", "description": "hey guys, i've never posted here before, but if this post does not belong here feel free to tell me.  i need some advice, i've during the past month gotten into a relationship with this girl. on sunday i woke up with her, etc etc.  but, why do i feel so uncomfortable thinking about the whole situation? i just have this uneasy feeling everytime i think of this. am i scared of actually going into a relationship? i've wanted a gf for a long time but when i finally meet one i just cant shake off that feeling.  i've never been in a seriois relationship before, this is new to me, could that be why? am i scared of commitment?   have anyone else felt this before?  right now i think i will just let it flow and see what happens. hope someone here can have some advice for me. thanks!  ", "answer": "yes, let it flow. one step at at time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60myec", "comment_id": "60myec"}, {"question": "marriage advice pls!", "description": "i am married for 1,5 years and in first of months of our marriage i realized that my husband has a drinking problem...although we have no problem at home he still cant get himself out of the bar till 2-3 am at least twice a week...he got badly drunk most of thr times and we had bad fights... i finally left home and went back to my home country...almost begging for 2 months he visited me and my family telling how badly he feels, he wants to change etc i trusted and came back...now it has been 3 weeks and started same thing again.. he just says sorry and wants me to get over it and accept his sometimes drinking out late... so please let me know what do you think i should do? thanks..", "answer": "he's an alcoholic. only downhill from here...a life of hell for both of you. give him an ultimatum.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76cjjs", "comment_id": "76cjjs"}, {"question": "i watched my dog die as a child, and i still think about it nearly 15 years later", "description": "i've always loved animals, and i still do. when i was just starting school (must have been 5 or 6) i had gone over to a friend's for a play date. their dog had just had puppies, and there was one of them in particular that always just wanted to cuddle with me and was such a sweetheart. we named him chuckles because of the happy little squealing sounds he made. i saw them several times while they were still with their mom, and was absolutely in love with this little guy.  unfortunately, the family wasn't able to place all the puppies, and ended up taking them to the pound. my friend told me at school and i remember being extremely sad and upset. my parents ended up adopting the same dog a couple of days later to surprise me. i was so happy; as i said, i loved this dog to death. to my parent's chagrin, he turned out to be extremely energetic, destructive, and difficult to keep in our small house. he grew to be around 90lbs, and at the time we lived in a *very* small house, but at least had a big yard. so he stayed outside a lot of the time, on a long leash with plenty of room to run. we had a big back yard out in the country. my dad would let him run around without the leash some as he mostly stayed in the yard and our few neighbors didn't mind; chuckles was always very friendly with everyone.  however, we lived fairly near one of those backwoods roads that people drive wayyy to fast on. chuckles was playing across the street one day, and i called him to come inside so he could eat. he rarely listened to me, but picked this one time to do so. one second he was bounding towards me happily and the next, jeep pushing 50mph slammed into him. my dad later told me that he crawled to our front door where he passed away a few minutes later. i was 7 years old. i didn't get along very well with other kids at that age- he was my best friend.   today, my family has another wonderful dog who i still get in to see fairly regularly. but as she gets older, and i get closer to getting a puppy of my own, i can't stop thinking about watching my dog's bones break as that car ended his life. about his scream when it hit him. i'm 21 now, and i've coped with my grandpa's death 2 years ago, and my dad nearly dying from illness before that. but sometimes the pain of thinking of that moment gets so intense it's all i can do to put my head in my hands and wait it out. i never got counseling for that, though i probably should have. at the same time, it was just a stupid dog. a stupid dog i loved too much. why do i still think of him? is it anxiety, depression? i dread the day our family dog passes. the grief is going to be so much worse. i don't know what i'm looking for in the comments, but anything kind or supportive is greatly appreciated. sorry to ramble.   tl;dr : i watched my dog die violently as a 7 year old kid and 14 years later i can't get over it, especially as my current dog gets older.", "answer": "yep, as both other commenters stated, there could be a trauma response going on and possibly some unresolved grief.  i'm not sure where you got the idea in your head that \"it was just a stupid dog\".  for most of us our pets are family members.  i cried my eyes out for months after my cat died.  she was the first pet i ever got that was mine and not my family's.  she only lived about 2.5 years before dying of heart failure, but while i had her it was while i was living alone.  she was my best friend.  i still keep her picture up and miss her even though i have a new little buddy.    i'm a therapist and i've done a lot of grief work with clients.  when you have a loss that requires grieving, you can't avoid or go around your grief, you have to go through it.  i tell them to think about it like you're walking around with a \"?\" above your head.  that represents just how much you have to cry and feel the grief.  it represents a magic number of how many times and you won't know what it is until you've reached it.  once you've reached it, you'll know....   you'll never stop missing your best friend from your childhood and there's nothing wrong with that.  it's just a testament to how much you loved him.  once you allow yourself to fully grieve, you will be able to stop letting it have such a negative impact on your life.    one thing that was helpful to me was reading [the rainbow bridge](WEBLINK)    i'm not religious at all... but i really liked reading it and boy did it make me cry.  certainly helped me get to my magic number.  not sure how this might help you but i hope it does.  best of luck friend.  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)  p.s. i don't believe there's such a thing as loving a person or pet \"too much\" ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6vuw0k", "comment_id": "6vuw0k"}, {"question": "ocd makes me think of fucked up shit", "description": "i see my family my friends everyone i care about being tortured in the most horrific ways and it plays on repeat in my head and i don't even believe in god but every time i pray out of desperation to make this shit go away it just puts more satanic images in my head. then it twists my intentions and tells me i'm a monster and i will somehow be responsible for acts of pure evil. i can't take this anymore, i shake so bad all the time and people think i smoke meth, i've been so ridiculed all my life and it makes me react to anyone even jokingly insulting me with anger and violence. i can't do this anymore, i can't even kill myself because i'm scared i'm going to end up in hell for that and be eternally tortured for trying to escape this suffering. i'm losing my sanity and i have completely changed. i am miserable all the time and it seems like the only way this could have ever been different is if i were never born. i can't do shit it's gotten so bad, i'm mentally handicapped and i feel like a fucking retard and i hate myself for it and i fantasize about my own death almost all day every day. please help me", "answer": "you are not your thoughts. ocd is one of the cruelest mental illnesses, because it has a way of finding whatever you care more about and hijacking it. as a matter of fact if you *didn't* care about it those obsessive thoughts wouldn't have any power, so your ocd will *always* try to find what disturbs or scares you most. the problem is that the more you try to make those thoughts go away, the more power your ocd will have.   you are not a bad person, you are a person with ocd. the good news is that ocd is treatable. look for a therapist in your area that specializes in exposure response prevention (erp), it is the most effective treatment for ocd. it's not an easy road, but things can absolutely get better.  ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "93yfqs", "comment_id": "93yfqs"}, {"question": "18m and bestfriend f19 with bf over the line", "description": "not really sure where to ask this:  i\u2019m in a really messed up situation emotionally at the moment. there\u2019s this girl who has been my bestfriend for about 1 year now. she\u2019s amazing and we have a fantastic friendship. in the last 2-3 months we started flirting a lot, she has a boyfriend which means that there\u2019s borders that we obviously can\u2019t cross. when we drink we have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship just without the kissing and the sex. everything else we really do.  one night we ended up kissing multiple times and ended up at her place where we had sex. i\u2019ve started to catch feelings for her, which i know is bad since i really don\u2019t want to destroy her relationship up more than what i have already done. i really hate what we have done, but i can\u2019t do much about it now. i\u2019ve tried to get over her and seeing new girls, but it\u2019s almost impossible for me since i just can\u2019t get over this girl.  we don\u2019t have as much contact as we used to, but every time we party together we end with our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship again and again. when seeing other girls i just can\u2019t fall in love or feeling anything for them, since i always think about this girl. i went out a couple days ago with my mates and ended up seeing one of the girls that i have kissed. she was at the club at the same time and every time she saw her approach me, she would try to get her away from me. when we see each other in our every day life we don't talk as much as we used to and we ignore each other a bit. when we are drunk we go back to the same behaviour and we are suddently great friends again. she asks me if i'm angry at her etc. i say no, but nothing really changes afterward.  my first priority is to get over her. i would also love to keep our friendship, just without going over the line, but i'm not really sure how we can save this or if she's too invested emotionally as well. i want to get rid of the feelings really, but i'm not sure how.", "answer": "i don't mean this as a criticism, but you guys are just caught up in a bunch of nonsense right now.    an adult relationship is an incredibly boring, lovely, fun thing, where you hang out with one of your best friends and like it, and have sex, and like that.   nothing prevents two unmarried adults from enjoying such an un-fraught relationship. nothing. she can dump her zero and get with the hero. she can absolutely do that. you can stop fucking chicks you don't care about and just bone her. it's totally doable.   the fact that you guys aren't doing that likely means that one or both of you doesn't really want to pay the cost to get the bennies. but it's the only sane deal available. take her out to lunch. tell her you want to give this a real try, and see if she's willing.   if not, stop kissing her, stop fucking her, and stop helping her cheat on her boyfriend. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fptwl", "comment_id": "6fptwl"}, {"question": "what does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you?", "description": "i've heard a lot of people say that they can't concentrate because they have so many other thoughts whizzing round in their head.  for me, it feels like my brain is filled with a fog and i'm very spaced out. my mind drifts off very easily but i don't usually tend to have racing thoughts. i feel almost like the lights are on but no one's home. it feels like the more i try to concentrate on something, the harder it gets. i can stare at a blank screen for hours, getting started seems to be the hardest thing, and the moment i get distracted, i'm back to square one.   i'm not diagnosed with adhd but am looking into getting an assessment soon. this is the thing that makes me think i *don't* have adhd because i feel the opposite of what a lot of people say.   **tl;dr**: what does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you? does anyone else feel like there's almost no thoughts inside of their head instead of having too many racing around?", "answer": "at least for me, not concentrating seems to be a misnomer. i feel like i'm much more likely to concentrate too much, even on things that have no utility to the task at hand.   i often feel like i'm standing before a wall of tvs tuned to all different news channels. i'm trying to concentrate on only one of them to get the really important information but my brain keeps slipping and listening to whatever else is going on around me. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "3cj2tf", "comment_id": "3cj2tf"}, {"question": "my parents fight constantly and my dad tells me i have to choose", "description": "alright, so... this has been a long time in the making. i have different issues with each parent, but i tend to agree with my mom more. i think that hurts my relationship with my dad, and my brother sides with him exclusively, even when he agrees with me/my mom in private. my dad's made flippant remarks to us for years about divorce, has said about that to my mom, and in the last few days i finally heard my mom say something about it bc she can't live with it anymore. we have been building a house for a year and a half now, and it's been an absolute trainwreck and we've ended up building it ourselves, which has caused a lot of conflict as my dad and brother and, to a lesser extent, me spend a lot more time there than my mom does. a year before that, we finally reunited, as my dad had been living in a different state for work, and my mom and brother and i were still where we used to live trying to sell the house and go to school and all kinds of stuff. everybody's stressed out about everything - that, finances, etc. my brother and i are now seniors in high school, so we've got things going on too, except we get bogged down in responsibilities that really aren't ours. my mom works from home and talks about how she has no friends, and takes issue with the fact that my dad talks to his friends on the phone all the time and never spends any time with her, but he really doesn't want to i guess because it always turns into an argument. i feel like they're at an impasse. there is so much resentment, and i really don't know what to do anymore. i am generally the referee. and it pains me to see anyone treat someone else badly. i have depression and am medicated, my brother refused to take his meds he was issued from a different psychiatrist and claims he's fine, and we just don't talk about it. so that's the extent of that, took me years to get my mom to understand i needed help. this july is also their 25th anniversary.  as far as i'm aware, and this is according to my dad a while ago, they tried counseling for one session and then my mom never wanted to go back. idk how accurate that is. and i'm sure they would say they don't have time for it anyway.", "answer": "you have a responsibility to choose for your own development, even if that means feeling like you let your parents and siblings down. you are not responsible for your parent's relationship or house. they seem not to be taking the necessary steps to work on the issues, until they do, they have no right to burden you with their issues and responsibilities like this. i'd advise you to get help to live by yourself and become financially independent. medication and therapy can help but not replace this as long as it's not a team effort.  don't be your parent's therapist, troubleshooter, etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hct6zd", "comment_id": "hct6zd"}, {"question": "relationship advice needed for a partner with aspergers ", "description": "i have had a pretty low key relationship with a guy with aspergers for about a year now. i know about his diagnoses through a mutual friend, and he doesn't know that i know. i go to school somewhere else, and we keep in touch and see each other relatively often but i feel like our relationship would be a lot easier if i could talk to him about his aspergers so that i could better understand what he needed from me.   i usually am the one to initiate conversation which makes sense to me regarding his aspergers, and he always seems to be happy to talk to me, but i wish that we talked more. i want to be careful because i don't want to be too overbearing, but i also feel like i should be more clear with him regarding how much i like him and care about him because that was something i didn't do in the past. i am having a hard time finding the balance between being clear and direct with my feelings and intentions and being overbearing because i definitely don't want to overwhelm him and we are both people that benefit from space.  recently in a social setting together with a bunch of our friends, he felt as if all of his friends hated him due to a miscommunication that he was paranoid about due to aspergers. i was as supportive to him as i knew how to be and i knew that i was the only person he didn't feel negative feelings from and afterwards he opened up to me quite a bit about the situation. i was happy that through that it didn't have any negative ramifications on our relationship and actually brought us closer. i want him to be able to trust me when he experiences things like that, and i want him to know that i will support him through that, but i don't know how to bring it up due to the fact that i'm not supposed to know about his aspergers.  also, even though we've been hooking up for about a year, we have never had sex. he is always the one to initiate, but never tries to initiate sex. is this normal? is there a way i can bring this up with him without making him feel pressured or awkward?  any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks!   ", "answer": "as far as your knowing about his asperger's goes, that problem doesn't sound directly asperger's related.  if you knew he had been arrested once, or was molested as a child, or had a kid that he hadn't told you about, or was a secret millionaire, it would be the same situation, and not an easy one.  your biggest clue there is that he hasn't brought it up.  this is almost definitely because he doesn't want to.  he may think you would treat him differently.  well, since you already know, you probably wouldn't treat him very differently, and you don't seem to think it is such a big deal...  so, if it's not a big deal, treat it like it isn't and don't bring it up, and try not to let it bother you.  so, if he does tell you one day, you can say \"oh, i knew that... i just didn't think it was a big deal.\"  for me, personally, anyway, the kind of acceptance i appreciate the most is the the subtle understanding kind, not the \"hey!  here is me accepting you!  let's talk about it!\" kind.  also, in my own personal experience, i need to be told what to do by my girlfriend.  i need to be told what she expects from me.  it helps me to deliver wherever i can, but she still has to do more than her fair share of just sucking up the fact that she won't get every kind of affection she wants from me.  if you like to be clear and expressive about your needs, great!  it doesn't have to be about asperger's.  with anyone, asperger's or not, you should be expressive, but also be sensitive to their tolerances and capabilities.  as far as the sex goes, i love it.  but, due to my lack of social grace, i have trouble understanding exactly how far to take things.  i know it is often more traditional for the guy to push things further and further and for the girl to determine just how far that is allowed to go, but for me, i need confirmation and reciprocation every step of the way or i just don't get it, and things will grind to a halt.  most of the time, it ends up with me being such a tease that a girl would end up jumping my bones instead of the other way around.  i would suggest that you try to take an equal part (or more than an equal part) in escalating physical activities.  if you aren't he may think that he has already reached the end of the road (as far as what you are ready for physically).  tl;dr treat someone with asperger's with the same care and caution you should treat everyone else with (even though we don't most of the time).  be clear and guide your aspie partner toward what you want, because there is a good chance you won't get it otherwise.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "vllps", "comment_id": "vllps"}, {"question": "i had to speak in public and i sucked.", "description": "at uni for a class i had to speak in front of my everyone -while my teacher was recording me- about a job interview (like a simulation) and my friends told me that i was moving my feet, which i can't recall. i'm 24 and i've never been in an interview, my teacher says that i have to speak even about my hobbies, my family, etc. and i don't know if this is well seen in my area (electrical engineering).  what can i do to overcome this? although i had a bad experience i feel grateful for this being a 'simulation' and not a real interview.  any comment or recommendation would be great, i'm disposed to speak everyday with the mirror if i have to.  thanks!", "answer": "also remember you're your own worst critic. ask people critiquing you to mention things you did well to build your confidence. you get so many props for trying to learn and improve yourself. a large part of this battle is in your head so do things repeatedly to gain comfort and you will gradually get better. keep trying!", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "72xavq", "comment_id": "72xavq"}, {"question": "college fundraising on instagram but no friends to donate", "description": "my club is making me do a bingo fundraising thing on instagram, where ppl donate to you and you cross off a spot on the bingo card. problem is i just dont have that many friends in general and im worried no ones gonna sign up and donate. idk i just dont want to embarass myself if that makes sense. i have the option to opt out but i just feel like a dick since its for a good cause and i dont have a good enough reason to do it.", "answer": "ugh that sucks. i hate those kinds of things especially when i involves social media.  would you be able to reach out to local businesses on instagram and ask if they would be willing to participate? also try family if you have some you\u2019re in contact with and family friends if you have any family that might be willing to spread the word. you might also be able to get some reddit folks if you\u2019re comfortable sharing your instagram. r/assistance is one that comes to mind. if i think of others i will come back and edit this. best of luck! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "iaiuhc", "comment_id": "iaiuhc"}, {"question": "prescribed phentermine -- any advice?", "description": "after failed attempts with victoza & metformin, my weight loss doc prescribed phentermine. originally he was thinking contrave, but i told him it feels more like my metabolism has stopped dead vs overeating being the reason for hovering around 200lb. however, the fact that phentermine is a stimulant is freaking me out! has anyone taken it and had a positive experience?", "answer": "2 years ago i went to a weight loss clinic and was on it for about 6 months. i lost close to 40lbs but when i stopped taking it (because of the side effects: jittery/heart palpitations) i gained all that weight back within a year. it worked, but only while i took it because it\u2019s just a stimulant - it didn\u2019t help me change any of my problematic eating behaviors.", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "be7q5q", "comment_id": "be7q5q"}, {"question": "i'm worried that my sister's depression is getting worse and i don't know what to do", "description": "i'm 26, my sister is 25. i've been noticing lately that she's more quiet and reserved than normal. she's in a long distance relationship with someone who isn't comfortable around our family so we don't get to spend much time with her. shes also been making a lot of comments on her tumblr about \"the endless void\" and how she has to cope with her mental illness.   she's gotten upset with me in the past for asking her what's wrong so i don't want to make her uncomfortable but i also want to be there for her.   should i just back off until she asks for help? i know how lonely and empty depression can be, especially if you feel alone and i want to be there for her but she seems unwilling to talk to me. ", "answer": "try to get her to a doc", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vdva1", "comment_id": "5vdva1"}, {"question": "my [17/f] boyfriend [19/m] posted a picture of his ex and doesn't think he did anything wrong and refused to remove it.", "description": "i found his reddit recently and when i did i saw that one of his most recent posts was of his ex. i brought it up and he claimed that he just thought people would like the picture and that's why he posted it but i have a major problem with it. this happened a few weeks ago and it's all i can think about ever since and it's ruining everything for me. what makes it worse is that she lives close to him and i live over 2,000 miles away and he's told me that she wants him and if he wanted he could be with her which made me feel even worse. also, the picture posted was from quite a long time ago off of facebook which would mean that he would have had to have been looking through the profile. he claims that a friend of his commented on it and it popped up in the news feed but i checked and the most recent comment was from months ago. when i asked him to delete it and told him how much it hurt me he refused. oh and then he posted a captioned picture of me from over a year ago that wasn't as popular and he told me it was because i \"looked like a slut\" and guys don't like that and that she looked classier. i've talked to him several times about it but i always end up feeling worse when i do. i've been with my boyfriend for eleven months and i don't know what to do about this. any and all support will be much appreciated.", "answer": "you've talked about some major red flags. run and run now. you're young and haven't invested too much time into this \"boy.\" he sounds emotionally abusive and i imagine it'll only get worse. why waste more time on someone who makes you miserable. i've known my husband since i was 13 years old and i'm 26 now. we've been best friends the entire time (but only married 2 years) and know how many times he's made me miserable? zero. we disagree, sure. but he is respectful 100% of the time. that's what love is. respect and kindness. please know that if you move on and have high standards for what you'll accept from others that you will find someone much better. you don't want to regret wasting years with this guy. or have him end up being your ex-husband or shitty father to your children. let him go on, mature and figure out how he should treat females (or at least let him make others miserable until they learn the same lesson you are). i was with 2 boyfriends in the past that were similar to yours. was with one for 3 years and the other for 7 years. it was painful and sucked. i learned good life lessons but i wish i had learned them quicker and didn't have to do all the repair from the damage i allowed them to cause.  life's too short, man. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2n1s0t", "comment_id": "2n1s0t"}, {"question": "lamictal stupiidd", "description": "ive been on lamictal for a like a year and a half, and i feel like i have been getting progressively slower. and apparently i am not alone as there is a few similar posts on here.  im currently on 125mg. and im just basically finding it harder to put thoughts into words. i used to be a really quick learner, was an a+ student. i could write a paper or a lab report in 4 hours. i used to be witty and quick on my feet. now its like my brain feels like its on power saving mode. i feel like if my brain was a three story house, the light would only be on in the ground floor. i dont know if that makes any sense. and its like i dont want to decrease it and get depressed or whatever so like, do i want to be dumb and feeling moderately alright or smarter but sad?  so anyway if anyone relates or has advice pls share with me. thanks for the ventilation.", "answer": "yes, i'm on lamictal. yes, i don't feel witty and charming anymore. but, it's better than being deeply suicidal for 3 weeks every other month.  we need to look at the pros/positive side vs the cons/negatives. there is a reason we went to the doctor to get put on these meds.  the problem with bd is that we've experienced hypomania. we want to stay in that state forever. but the truth is, we can't. mentally healthy people can't, either. and we're not even in the same boat as them.  yes, it has its effects, just like chemotherapy has negative effects. but the alternative is worse. i don't mean to invalidate your feelings. it *is* a bummer. but the therapy part of it should help us (at least it helps me) to come to peace with our lot in life.", "topic": "bipolarreddit", "post_id": "hqse3f", "comment_id": "hqse3f"}, {"question": "ptsd comes in waves???", "description": "anyone feel there ptsd get worse and then okay then worse.? if so what do you do.? ", "answer": "yup. knowing that makes it a little helpful to accept when it comes. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "9yiunt", "comment_id": "9yiunt"}, {"question": "rollercoasters?", "description": "hey guys. just curious. does anyone else here avoid roller coasters completely? i\u2019ve always associated them with people getting sick from the fast movements and twists and turns so i refuse to go on any rollercoaster or carnival rides. ", "answer": "i used to, but a surge of bravery about 10 years ago made me go on one! i\u2019ve been on probably 20-30 roller coaster rides and have never had an issue.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ak4358", "comment_id": "ak4358"}, {"question": "should i try anti-depressants", "description": "hi, i'm really conflicted, i have been having problems with depression and anxiety for like the last 3 years and its been getting worse and worse so i have really been considering using some medication, but the problem stands that i cant see a doctor about it because i dont want people around me to treat me different or seem like i need special help and dont want to worry my family, but the up side is that where i live i can legally purchase any type of medication without prescription, is there any thing that is maybe super mild and like safe with little side effects. i am a 20,male, 185cm tall, 105kg, never have taken any medication and never smoked.  p.s: as for the family part, 2 weeks ago i had a not that bad bactaria in my throat which got cleared right away with some antibiotics and my mother was literally crying because she didnt want to see me sick even though i did not have any perceivable symptoms.  please help. thank you in advance.", "answer": "depression and anxiety are each a spectrum, ranging from normal reactions to life to severely impairing. the medications tend to be much more effective for severe depression or anxiety and have little evidence (though not none) for helping with milder forms. without a more thorough evaluation than can be provided her it's hard to know if this is even an approach that is likely to help you.  many antidepressants have no side effects for most people. several in the ssri class (fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, escitalopram) are best known for having fewer side effects than older (or many newer) drugs. that said, they can cause problems, including mild ones like headache, upset stomach, nausea or diarrhea that are usually mild and usually go away in a week or two, and potentially more serious problems.  if it would be possible with your family, you could see a doctor and not discuss what exact problem led you to make the appointment.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8d5em0", "comment_id": "8d5em0"}, {"question": "wife (34f) wants trial separation and i (35m) don't want to leave the house", "description": "ok, so my wife wants a trial separation to see if she can figure things out on her own. basically, i see divorce coming.   anyhow, we have 4 kids. we're going to start by living in different rooms of the house and just sort of keeping apart from each other, trying to actually schedule apart times. she is the one considering divorce, not me. she also wants to maybe get a separate place for this separation if the \"in house separation idea\" doesn't work.  here's the kicker: she wants to have both of us split time away from the house. so we'd get like a room somewhere and one week she'd sleep there and the other week i'd sleep there.  i really really don't want to leave my house and kids. am i crazy here? should she be able to make me go out of the house so that she can have time with the kids and not just be a \"visiting mom\"  i hear where she is coming from, but this separation is not mutual. i don't want to separate. should i go along with this and split a place and split time away from my kids while we're still married? she said she does not want to divorce at this point.", "answer": "usually the one who wants the separation leaves, if that's what they want. but....have you gotten counseling together? separations only work if there's definition;   set a time limit, and commit to not dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kyrbj", "comment_id": "5kyrbj"}, {"question": "father is dying of liver failure. options?", "description": "my father (56 years old) has struggled with life-long alcoholism. he abstained for several months earlier this year after attending out-patient rehab, but apparently that did not stick. we noticed he was extremely jaundiced, had a lot of confusion, his belly and legs were swollen, and he was bleeding from the nose and mouth a lot - so we forced him to go to the hospital.  the diagnosis was alcoholic liver disease, severe cirrhosis, and alcoholic hepatitis. he's currently in the hospital where they are administering steroids for 7 to 9 days to see how his liver responds. as he is an alcoholic, they indicated that he needs 6 months of sobriety to be considered for a transplant. he's not doing well, and they informed us that the 3 month survival outlook is very low.  my question is, is there anything we can do other than hoping he survives 6 months (most likely won't)? are there certain clinics or states or even countries where they will perform a transplant for an alcoholic who is going to die without one? what about liver dialysis or artificial liver to keep them alive until they can get a transplant?   i'm just trying to figure out all of the possibilities as it seems they are just telling us \"he needs to be sober for 6 months for a transplant, but he's not going to last 6 months.\" he's in the hospital and not drinking any alcohol currently as he doesn't have the strength to stand up. he indicated that he is fully willing and wants to stop drinking alcohol permanently.  any advice is greatly appreciated.  ", "answer": "huge amount of sympathies.  im an addiction psychiatrist in the uk. we do have the occasional patient who gets to this position, despite all attempts to maintain long term sobriety.  was your father ever a candidate for medications such as disulfiram, before his liver failure became so severe? if so, how did he get on with this? its a moot point as its of no use now.  looking at our guidelines in scotland and the rest of the uk, we would not consider transplantation in individuals with active substance dependence - the obvious points being that follow-up treatment is unlikely to succeed and ongoing (second) liver damage/failure is likely.  anyway it's obviously a horrendous time for all of you, and hopefully there is a small chance that your father can turn this around. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5jbbyt", "comment_id": "5jbbyt"}, {"question": "i can't afford my horse, but i feel too attached to sell him", "description": "hi all! let me start by saying that i have two horses, my mare, riley and my gelding, gordon. i've had riley for 3 years and couldn't possibly sell her. i bought gordon a little over a year ago as a second horse for my boyfriend to ride. he does still technically belong to me, though.   when i bought gordon, i was working on a ranch in wisconsin. it made sense at the time to have him, and i was able to afford him. however, i moved back to illinois in may. it was ok for a while, even though boarding him at a local barn is pricier here. i pay $750 a month for the both of them. i worked at a very upscale steakhouse and was able to pay for it. it was a little stressful, and i didn't have a ton of disposable income, but my boyfriend and i made it work. we decided that we weren't spending enough time riding gordon, and put him up for sale in june.  i got a few inquiries but nothing ever came out of them. a few people came to look at the horse and test ride him, but then decided that they either couldn't afford him or found another horse that they liked better. over the next few months, i started to spend more time riding him to prepare him to sell. i realized slowly that i was really liking him, almost as much as i like my main horse. i started to consider keeping him and taking him off the market for real...  in november, i lost my job. i had enough money left to pay for the board for december, and my parents gifted me some money for christmas that went towards the january board. now i'm all out of money and i haven't found a new job yet. i have received one email from someone who was interested in him, but i haven't been able to reply yet. the fact is that i cannot afford him anymore, but i love him. does anyone have any advice on how to sell a pet that you love dearly?", "answer": "lease him!  my friends little sister moved away and i leased her hours for like 300$ a month. helped pay for bills.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "ajyenp", "comment_id": "ajyenp"}, {"question": "is it appropriate/reportable to tell a therapist that you want to hurt someone?", "description": "or is that only for a higher level of seriousness?", "answer": "in my state and with my license i could only report it with a plan and intent . if you said \"i think about hurting my friend,\" for example,  thoughts aren't illegal and i would get in trouble for breaking confidentiality.  now,  if you made a plan to hurt your friend,  i could warn that friend or call the police.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gt2n1i", "comment_id": "gt2n1i"}, {"question": "taking gabapentin for the first time tonight - so scared to try it!!!", "description": "i am a long-time anxiety sufferer, and my anxiety has reached the point where it is severe and debilitating for several hours a day. (along with the constant background anxiety that i always have just because)  so, since i'm desperate, doctor prescribed gabapentin.  i take the first pill tonight before bed. i was told it might make me drowsy the next day, which sucks because i already suffer from major fatigue. (and i have to take care of my toddler who is amazing and....very very active!)  but i'm willing to try anything at this point to decrease my anxiety.   i have heard gabapentin can cause bad side effects....i'm wondering what others experienced with it, and if anyone has any positive stories.  i guess i need the encouragement to take it, and some positive and gentle support ", "answer": "hi there! i just started taking gabapentin as needed for anxiety after a scary panic attack while driving on the freeway. i\u2019m super sensitive to any sort of \u201cdrugged \u201c feeling and often the anticipation of a new anxiety medication spirals me into more anxiety about possible complications \u2014 cool!   so far, i have noticed that when i\u2019m in a real panic, one gabapentin doesn\u2019t do a whole lot. (honestly, i think one drink would take the edge off in a more noticeable way, not that that\u2019s ideal or sustainable but just as a reference.) when i told my doctor that i didn\u2019t think it was strong enough, he advised i try two or three pills the next time i felt panic. i ended up taking two and definitely had a sort of \u201cwoosh\u201c when the pills \u201ccame on\u201d about 15 minutes later. again, i am hypersensitive and really don\u2019t like that drugged feeling so when that happened, i laid down and breathed and remembered that this was going to help me. i ultimately felt my panic lift about five minutes after first feeling the pills\u2019 effects.   as far as side effects, i wouldn\u2019t feel 100% having to do complex physics or drive a car on it but it relaxes me and as a bonus, it\u2019s not addictive. i\u2019ve tried to take it when i\u2019m not anxious just to feel the shift without starting from a place of panic and honestly, i didn\u2019t feel a thing. so it\u2019s a nice combination of addressing anxiety as needed without being \u201ctoo fun\u201d (read: addictive) or zoning you out for the rest of the day. in short, you may feel the drug come on but it should mellow in about 5 to 10 minutes. remember that it\u2019s a way more mellow prescription than the last generation of anti-anxiety meds \u2014 ativan, valium, et al \u2014 and just calms the nervous system so your body isn\u2019t falsely creating a response to stimuli that isn\u2019t there. it\u2019s really like an allergy pill for anxiety \u2014 alerting the body that it isn\u2019t actually being attacked by a malevolent intruder. good luck and hopefully it\u2019s as unobtrusively helpful as it\u2019s been for me. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "963umi", "comment_id": "963umi"}, {"question": "how should i respond to psychiatrists who think if you weren't diagnosed as a child, you don't have adhd?", "description": "i'm in california, and i'm on medicaid. about a year and a half ago, i was seeing a social worker for therapy and she suggested a psychiatrist. in my evaluation (which was less than 30 minutes) she didn't even listen to my symptoms. when i brought up that i was diagnosed with adhd at the age of 16 and was on adderall xr (which worked), she asked what age i was diagnosed. i told her 16. she replied that i didn't have adhd because i was diagnosed at such a late age.  aside from that ignorance, i've been through the mental health system since i was 11. i've been in and out a lot of different places, and all of them said i had severe focusing problems, but they never addressed the issue. i'm usually extremely inattentive with bursts of hyperactivity. i was always diagnosed with bipolar, depression, and a slew of other things, yet none of the dozens of medicines i was on ever worked with the exception of adderall and lamictal (although i had a reaction to that).   i was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder a few months ago. i finally found a good clinic (so far). everyone seems to understand my autism. i'm wondering how to approach the issue of adhd. even the person who evaluated me for asd said a psych should be looking into adhd and a mood disorder.  i'm just very frustrated and nervous. i can't afford a specialist. i can't even get chores done anymore. people keep calling me \"lazy\" because they don't understand. i have severe insomnia, my thoughts always race, and my room looks like a bomb went off. any attempt to organize   anything leads to failure in under 10 minutes. i'm starting college in fall, and i don't want to have untreated adhd. i already failed high school before.    tl;dr-how do i find a psychiatrist that understands it's entirely possible to have undiagnosed adhd in your childhood, especially because i'm a female? i have medi-cal and can't afford a specialist ", "answer": "hey op, i work in the mental health field and have adhd myself.   this is not medical advice, but to my knowledge there is no criteria for adhd as far as age goes. while it's true that most people are diagnosed with adhd as children or teenagers, adult-onset adhd is very much a real thing. i've personally diagnosed multiple adults with adhd.   if you're not comfortable with your current psychiatrist, go see a new one. better yet, talk to your current therapist about the situation and see what they think. more often than not they can help point you in the right direction.   edit: my comment on age criteria is wrong, sorry. read my response below. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "262oew", "comment_id": "262oew"}, {"question": "bloodwork showed a positive (reactive) syphilis screening when i don\u2019t have syphilis. what else can this be indicative of?", "description": "so my obgyn ordered some bloodwork after my husband and i just had a chemical pregnancy lost at 3.5 weeks. after our appointment, i went to the lab and they drew my blood for a couple things and also accidentally sent my blood for a syphilis serology screening and rpr titer because it looked like it was marked on the lab sheet when they really marked something directly above it.  so coincidentally, the syphilis serology screening came back positive (reactive) while the rpr titer seems to be negative (1:1?). so the nurse called and explained this to me and stated i don\u2019t have syphilis but since the screening came back reactive it can be indicative of other things going on such as autoimmune disorders (lupus, etc.)  i have no symptoms of lupus from what i see online although i did have a high sed rate of 27 for my age (27/f) when i had bloodwork done for another reason last month.   she seemed to think they don\u2019t think it\u2019s indicative of anything major and said they see this come back positive sometimes and to not worry until we get some additional labs done, but it\u2019s my nature to worry and now i\u2019ve basically been convincing myself i have lupus all day. any docs (obgyn\u2019s in particular) see a reactive rpr test on a patient for absolutely no reason and nothing end up being wrong with them?  sorry for ranting and if this sounds all over the place.", "answer": "reasons for a false positive depend on the specific test that came back positive. rpr is the test that i believe is most likely to give a false positive due to autoimmune disease.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ci73qu", "comment_id": "ci73qu"}, {"question": "help please", "description": "my stomach isn\u2019t the issue. my throat is nauseous if that makes any sense. i don\u2019t want to throw up. i haven\u2019t been around anybody sick, but i just feel sick. do you think i will throw up? sorry for the reassurance post. literally nothing else is wrong, but my my throat is closing it feels like. this has been going on all day. ", "answer": "i know exactly what you mean! i experience this \"throat nausea\" feeling a lot. i think for me, it's a mix of anxiety and gerd. it really sucks :( chewing mint gum really helps me when i'm dealing with this!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "77ov54", "comment_id": "77ov54"}, {"question": "do you ever feel like everyone else engages in a sort of low-level telepathy that puts them all on the same \"page\", but your brain lacks the receiver/transmitter?", "description": "i feel like a goddamned chimp when i'm in public.", "answer": "it's not telepathy. it's a type of subconscious socio-neurological communication, and there is science behind this. look up mirror neurons. some studies show people with autism have less active ones. i personally believe folks with autism can purposefully strengthen the network of mirror neurons to improve social communication.  ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "496d33", "comment_id": "496d33"}, {"question": "can beta blockers cause permanent memory problems?", "description": "asking for someone close to me. after starting a beta blocker, a significant change in their short term memory has been noticed by everyone close to them. the person in question had been taking them for 3 years for a single cardiac incident that was likely just a reaction to other medication. they (63f) have recently stopped taking them per their new cardiologist's instruction. so far, there has not been a noticeable improvement with short term memory.", "answer": "there is no evidence that beta blockers cause any worsening of cognition except possibly in people who already have neurocognitive disorders, and even that is weak evidence.  the memory problems are most likely unrelated to beta blockers and may be related to the original cardiovascular problem.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ehptcy", "comment_id": "ehptcy"}, {"question": "i need to stop but i'm so scared. can anyone relate?", "description": "hi everyone. i'm hoping that this post won't be full of rambles, but i apologize in advance if it is. i would tl'dr but i don't know how to summarize this.  i'm a drug addict. i know that i am, but i always fall into the same trap, the one where i tell myself \"i can control it,\" \"i won't go crazy this time\". my drug class of choice is stimulants, any stimulants - adderall is my favourite but if i'm in a pinch i'll take vyvanse or ritalin, and if i'm trying to be \"good\" i'll just drink a bunch of coffee and sugar-free energy drinks to feel at least a little human.  the thing is, i know enough about addiction to know that i won't be able to control my use eventually. i know that every drug addict in the history of the planet has told themselves \"i won't end up like that\" before inevitably spiralling towards rock bottom\u2122. somehow, i can know all of that and still believe that i'm the exception. that i'll be fine, that adderall makes me a happier, more productive person. that this is okay.  i know that it's not okay. when i'm not high i'm thinking about the next time i'm \"allowed\" to get high (i've set myself a schedule, lol, but it requires immense self-discipline and i wonder what will happen if my discipline isn't there one day. it's so tempting...i know i'm playing with fire).   if i'm not high or thinking about getting high, i'm smoking weed or taking benzos.   i feel so stuck. i feel like my brain is broken. even before the drugs, i was struggling severely with bulimia, depression, social anxiety, borderline personality disorder...i've been in therapy off and on for years, i've been hospitalized, i've been to dbt group therapy, i've been on antipsychotics and still am on antidepressants...but something inside me is wrong, like a switch is flipped and i can't turn it on. i can't be happy like other people, i can't feel like other people can.   unless i'm high.   i don't want to destroy my life, i never thought i'd be like this. i never thought that this would be my life. i just want to feel happy, i want to feel good. i want to feel strong and powerful and i want to feel like i can trust myself and my skills...i'm rambling, sorry. it's just...i don't want to have to choose between being miserable and being sober.   i'm sorry. this post became so pathetic. i just don't know what to do. no one in my life knows that i'm using regularly again. sorry for writing an essay. i guess i'm just asking for...advice, kind words, a virtual hug, someone to talk to? can anyone relate?", "answer": "i also fell victim to stimulants. i couldn't do anything without them anymore. id been an addict for awhile but stimulants were what sent me over the edge. my heart broke for you when you called your brain broken. i remember that feeling. i'm 13 months clean. i didn't have a thought in my head for the first month, could only think of music for the second month, by 3 months i felt okay for the real world, but it took six to really feel \"normal.\"  and i'm still recovering.   but i am recovering. i'm in a phd program. i get straight as. your brain isn't broken. it's just been abused. i went to treatment once i realized i was really in trouble (started failing classes etc).  i highly recommend it for stimulants, if only because it takes awhile to feel normal again. even if you aren't ready to get clean, try an na/aa meeting. just listen. see if you relate. ask for help from a stranger, from someone you trust, a parent, a sibling.   how many times i said, \"this is the last time,\" \"it'll be different this time.\"   i remember so clearly what it was like to be constantly focused on my next high. how i did mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to make the script last long enough if i took one early. it's so relieving not to have to do that anymore.   i dono bro, if you need someone to talk to, i'm here. it's hard but it's doable. and life just keeps getting better. ", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "4ylf38", "comment_id": "4ylf38"}, {"question": "cardiac arrest at 24 years old", "description": "background: female, 24 years old, about 1,65m and 60kg. has diabetes (type 1), detected at around 6 y.o. has always had minor panic/anxiety attacks, usually accompanied with minor chest pains, that her medical team always discarded. doesn't smoke, generally healthy habits and blood tests have been normal.   this is a very close friend of mine, and i really need some advice on how to handle this, or even if there's something else the medical team should be doing.  this past 27th of april, she woke up dealing with chest pain and complaint about a slight numbness on her left foot, and decided to rest it out. but with no improvements, her mother got worried and rushed her to the hospital, thankfully one of the best when it comes to cardiac problems is very nearby (i should add i do not live in the us at this point, this happened in portugal).  she walked in through the er, was seen in a triage setting, where they saw her heartbeat was very erratic and gave her an orange wristband (we have a color system ranging from green to red, orange being of very high priority, only beaten by red). right after they checked her, she collapsed and went into cardiac arrest. was immediately assisted, defibrillator and all, and was with no pulse for around 50min, until they managed to stabilise her. she went into the or, where a bypass was put on her leg. something with the bypass didn't went totally right, because she was rushed to the or again that night to correct it (i can't say for sure, because this is second hand news, but it was supposedly a clot that formed? i dunno), and they had to give her a blood transfusion. at this point they did a cat scan and assured there was no brain damage, and that recovery was now totally dependent on heart and breathing evolution. they gave her a 30% chance of surviving. she was in an induced coma for about a week, heart beating with outside help, ventilator, and even dialysis machine, because her kidneys weren't cooperating either.  slowly but surely, they took her supporting machinery and she improved. she woke up. had movement. followed us around the room with her eyes, and sometimes moved her arms around, but never has she said a word. she has been awake for a week tomorrow. she still hasn't spoken a word. there are moments where it seems she answers our questions with intentional blinks, but other times we're not so sure. they discovered she had a clostridium infection, and are now treating it. they did an mri, and yesterday told us that there is in fact brain damage. but it is scattered and not localised, and they are all minimal damages, but they didn't know if they were permanent or not.  doctors aren't saying anything else and we're all just left so confused and feeling deserted because they explained nothing and didn't even elaborate on what to do from here. we only know speech is one of the affected areas, but they didn't even explain if they meant speech or cognition.  family situation is complicated, and the public hospitals here are complicated as well, to many patients, very little resources, and the staff is clearly strained all the time.  my question is, since i can't figure out anything at all from the doctors, how can it be possible for the initial cat scan to show nothing, but then an mri show brain damage? and what should we expect from here on? how can we help? is this type of brain damage usually reversible or completely permanent? can it become worse, since at first there was no damage and now there is?  i'm really desperate for some answers on what to expect and how to help. thank you so much if you went through the trouble of even reading or up voting this.", "answer": "there are two possible reasons for the discrepancy. one is that ct and mri aren\u2019t the same and detect different things. mri is better at many subtler changes that aren\u2019t visible in large scale anatomy. there\u2019s also a difference in timing. a ct done quickly may be done before any damage is apparent; any scan done days or even hours later might pick up ongoing changes.  her chances and degree of recovery are impossible for us to say. lack of oxygen circulation because of cardiac arrest is bad for all organs, but some are more sensitive than others. brain is unfortunately very sensitive, and 50 minutes without a pulse or breathing is a long time. diffuse brain damage, called anoxic brain injury, is a sadly common result. because of brain plasticity, even with physical damage some people have better recovery and some have none, but if it\u2019s showing up on mri it\u2019s probably permanent physical damage. if things were bad enough that other organs also stopped working, like kidneys, it\u2019s more likely that her brain also took a serious hit.  i am very sorry for your friend and for you. unexpected, unexplained medical catastrophes are tragic.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8i68uo", "comment_id": "8i68uo"}, {"question": "i (21f) have had uti symptoms all morning but half of them vanished and half of them stayed.", "description": "i'm a 22 year old female living in the uk. i  am 5 foot 1 inches and weigh between 44-45 kg (it keeps fluctuating) i am a non smoker, i take reboxitine, alverine, cyonabalamin (no idea if i spelt that right, it's the vitamin b12 supplement), and an antihistamine to help me sleep (that started last sunday, i can't remember the name of it though).   this morning i woke up thinking i had a urine infection because i had all the typical symptoms: urgency to pu, a very small amount of urine each time and needing to go every five minutes. because of this i have drank roughly 2 litres of liquid since 7am and this helped with the amount of urine i'm passing but it's not stopped the urgency. the frequency of needing to go has fluctuated between every 5 minutes to not needing to go for an hour, but when i need to go i have to stop everything i'm doing to go. there was a lot of burning this morning (which also made me think it was a uti) but the burning has passed and now once i have finished on the toilet i get a sharp pain like i'm getting an injection but in my vagina (never had one of those but i imagine it feels a lot like how this feels atm). around mid morning i started to get a pain around my left ovary after every pu.   i had a lot of uti's last year for seemingly no reason because i was doing everything recommended. but whenever i had a urine infection and i drank a lot straight away, all the symptoms would go away and that was that, i've not had a day like this before with a uti.  a month ago i was on antibiotics for suspected pid.   at one point i had something similar to this but the uti symptoms would leave by about lunchtime and return at about 2-4 in the morning and this lasted for about a month and a half, but after a miscarriage the symptoms vanished immediately. (this was nearly a year ago). after that miscarriage i had the mirena coil put in (i was on the hormonal pill before that) and me and my partner  (22m) use condoms as well, but to be ultra safe i take a pregnancy test every two weeks because i don't have a period with the coil and i'm taking no chances. i had taken a test last week and it came back negative so it's highly unlikely i'm pregnant (you know, even with the coil and condoms).   i really don't want to ring out of hours unless i really have to because the hospital is already so overloaded, but i have work tomorrow as well (i work in a dementia care home). i don't know if i'm panicking over nothing, chances are i am but still.   anything could help, thank you :)   i had some lower abdominal pain yesterday, but it was more of a bloating uncomfortableness than anything else, but i don't know if that's connected in any way.", "answer": "i'd just phone your gp or phone 111 if youre really worried - the nhs is still running and you're very much entitled to care like you're doing for your clients amazingly well.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "g7uv60", "comment_id": "g7uv60"}, {"question": "unable to obtain a cpap machine so my health is declining", "description": "m/23/6'0''/145 ibs  diagnosed with sleep apnea through a home test but didn't get the results until after i left the us. the issue is i am now living in an eastern european country and none of the hospitals here have specialists who can prescribe me a cpap. i have been in contact with some of the cpap companies in the states who would issue me a device but they tell me my health insurance is denying the claim unless i am physically there to try out masks and such. this has been going on for over 6 months and everyday i wake up feeling extremely tired and have no energy for the day.   i am really down to two options. the first is i could buy a cpap online (from a chinese retailer) which is possible but i am worried about the quality of the device and would have to figure out how to use it myself. the other option is i could fly in to a western european country and go through the entire testing and diagnosis process again for them to be able to prescribe me a cpap device. the problem with this option is it is expensive and i am a student so can't really afford it.  does anyone have advice on how i should proceed?", "answer": "was the home test done by a physician or by you? if the former, contact the doctor who was responsible for it. if the latter, i have concerns. unless there are risk factors for obstructive sleep apnea that you haven't described, what you could have is central sleep apnea, and the treatment is somewhat different. you don't want to self-manage apnea without a doctor. or you could have an improperly administered test or even ineffective test, in which case you'd be wasting your time and money.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "92mlgj", "comment_id": "92mlgj"}, {"question": "anyone tried therapeutic writing?", "description": "i used to keep a journal. there was undoubtedly a cathartic effect of writing.  in recent years, i've been so preoccupied with schools and work, both of which require intensive writing. i don't remember when's the last time i wrote for **self-care.** recently, i came across the idea of [therapeutic writing](WEBLINK).  >\"writing is no stranger to therapy. for years, practitioners have used logs, questionnaires, journals and other writing forms to help people heal from stresses and traumas. now, new research suggests expressive writing may also offer physical benefits to people battling terminal or life-threatening diseases. studies by those in the forefront of this research--psychologists james pennebaker, phd, of the university of texas at austin, and joshua smyth, phd, of syracuse university--suggest that writing about emotions and stress can boost immune functioning in patients with such illnesses as hiv/aids, asthma and arthritis.\"  it looks like there're some writing therapy programs/workshops out there. was anyone a part of it? i'm very curious about the format and efficacy of the program/workshop.", "answer": "i have done a couple of these, they do help. you can do them on your own. the one being discussed here, expressive writing, is supposed to be done four days in a row for about 20 minutes a day responding to the same prompt each time. you can see instructions and the prompt here: WEBLINK there is a ton of research using this paradigm in people who have experienced trauma. james pennebaker, a psychologist who has been studying this for 30 years or so, also has a book on this called writing to heal.   journaling in general is very helpful for me in getting stuff out and letting go. the instruction about just writing without stopping, writing whatever comes to mind, and not stopping to think is a really good practice.   there is another writing exercise i have done that i think is better after a little healing. it is not intended to treat trauma but just to boost mood. it is called the best possible self exercise, instructions here: WEBLINK i recommend doing the expressive writing exercise all the way through first.  edit: i was just googling for workshops and found this one which mentions several different types of writing practices that you might look into more if they resonate with you: WEBLINK", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "aa6o7m", "comment_id": "aa6o7m"}, {"question": "daily check-in: 10/11/13", "description": "bwuh, nearly 3am... had my housemate's birthday dinner thing tonight, twas alright... ended up at a whiskey bar of all places. smelled like farts and booze. seriously, that was my first impression of the place. it gave me a headache and the whiskey stench was stuck on my palate for about half an hour afterwards. bleh. i was trying so hard not to be a killjoy but thankfully it was understood that it wasn't exactly my choice of venue these days :p  in other news, found out that i passed the assessment i submitted earlier in the week, had a counselling session in which i communicated my concerns about the groupthink that seems apparent in aa... had to really drive it home that i'm not trying to make excuses to not have to do it, but more am starting to question it and wondering what alternatives are available to me if i decide that it isn't for me. aa is certainly a successful method but it isn't the only way, as this sub is testament to. also managed to record some vocals today which aren't shaping up too badly. fun times!  a question, if you're comfortable answering it: what's the story of your username? i <3 the band known as mr. bungle, and used to use 'bungle' as one of many irc handles in my youth. my altnick was bungleungleungle.", "answer": "only 363 more days until my next sobriety birthday! just kidding. i'm still riding on the pink cloud of picking up my year. also my family is in town for family weekend, which is awesome. i'm a little behind on some school work, but nothing i can't catch up on.   i don't have a picture of it,  but my mom surprised me yesterday when she got here and gave me my grand father's one year aa chip. it's incredible to see as he died two years before i was born and the chip is 23 years old!! it's almost the exact same as the chip i picked up on wednesday, but has a lot more value to me.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1o8677", "comment_id": "1o8677"}, {"question": "long term use of analgesics", "description": "i am white, male, 44, 180cm, 90kg (muscle), ex-mil, ex-martial arts - ongoing pain from previous exertions/injuries. both shoulders, both knees, ribs like a jigsaw puzzle, spine like a jenger. i have used 20-40mg of codeine, and 10 mg of diazepam to sleep for at least two years.  i am now a professional and need to do 10 hour days (thankfully office stuff, not shovelling concrete). i am worried that, should i need real pain relief, my history of self-medication may impair any regular treatments.  is this a genuine concern?", "answer": "i'd be pissed if i found out you were self-medicating like this. you probably would have got effective relief from non-opiate medications.  diazepam dose isnt at dependent level (30mg+ is dangerous), but it's not evidenced for improving quality of sleep.  be honest with your doc and get the right meds.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "54a9rq", "comment_id": "54a9rq"}, {"question": "having trouble defining a higher power as a nonbeliver.", "description": "working on \"improve the moment\" this week and while discussing the prayer part of improve it was mentioned that we should \"hand it over to a higher power\" this phrase has come up infrequently before, just in passing rather than anything we went into on any deeper level.   when the discussion of non believers came up today it was suggested that the therapy group itself could serve as the higher power for those who do not believe in a divine power.   this suggestion isn't sitting right with me. if i'm worried about something instead of \"let go and let god\" that i \"let go and let group\"? i just don't get how this could evoke any feeling of relief or release as it would for those who believe they are handing it to an entity that created existence with the power to answer prayer as opposed to a bunch of people who have struggled through life the same as i do.   i'm wondering if any one else has any other suggestions from a agnostic/atheistic viewpoint? ", "answer": "as a fellow athiest, my belief in a higher power comes through when i consider the inner-connected web of beings that exist within the universe, which often fills me with great awe and purpose, similar to what i imagine religious folks feel about \"god.\"", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "91sdz3", "comment_id": "91sdz3"}, {"question": "you're telling me i cannot (drink) for the rest of my life?!", "description": "\"...no, not at all.\" a gentleman told me, \"the rest of your life sounds fucking daunting, right? so don't think of it that way...instead, i don't drink *only for today*. no matter how shitty, no matter how wonderful my day has been, the focus is to lay my sober head down to rest tonight.\"   that was 418 nights ago. but *right now* i've got one more night to go and so do you. together we can do this.   ", "answer": "i eat that shit up. i've got one day sober today, yeah i've done it 394 times in a row, but i've only got one day.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "1q6bhj", "comment_id": "1q6bhj"}, {"question": "rants from the heart", "description": "i was diagnosed as a kid. it was weird being the 'different one', skipping history so i could go to the learning resource center and work on homework with a teachers aid because i was deemed slow.  i'm an adult now.  i'm going to get medication again because it's the right thing to do in my situation. i'm nervous but i believe deep inside, it'll change things for the better.  it's because of this subreddit i don't feel so alone, and let me get this out. so thank you.", "answer": "thank you for sharing you thoughts. i was also diagnosed as a kid and was the \"different one\". changing medication can definitely feel a little scary and i commend you on your positive outlook. new meds wont necessarily change everything over night but you are setting yourself up with the right foundation. just remember to take each day as it comes. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "60lmn8", "comment_id": "60lmn8"}, {"question": "no side effects from not taking my escitalopram sandoz 20mg? possible placebo?", "description": "i am 25, male, 216lbs, australian, non-smoker, occasional drinker, diagnosed with a few different types of anxiety, depression and panic disorder early 2019 and have been on escitalopram sandoz ever since starting at 10mg then going up to 20mg and am also receiving therapy.  i am currently been taking ashwaganda, colostem and apple cider vinegar supplements daily for the past year as well.  the panic attacks have settled down but the anxiety and depression is still there.   it has been hard to tell whether the medication did much at all but i know i was on something as if i missed a dose i would start experiencing the withdrawal effects with the most noticeable being the brain zaps which without fail.  the last time i visited my doctor was maybe 3 months ago and he prescribed 3 months worth of scripts or refills of the antidepressant medication and told me to come back when it is finished.   i also want to get off this medication as i don't see it being effective enough and i don't want to be messing with my body like this if there isn't a noticeable payoff in my overall mood and i think that another medication might be better for tackling this or just more therapy.  i am normally good with my medication and am on time but the other day i was really busy and forgot to take my medication.   i have not experienced any side effects and have not had any brain zaps or had the shit feelings that i had when i have previously missed my medication.    normally when i have forgotten for any reason i have been reminded i have missed the medication due to those brain zaps that feels like my brain is glitching out.  it has been close to 3 days now and i have still experienced no of the side effects of missing my medication like the previous scripts.   i also started thinking about it and i experienced intense anxiety a few weeks ago around the time i refilled my script.  my sex drive has also been the highest its been in a year and you could put that down to the ashwaganda but i have been taking that for the past year and don't see how that could kick in just now.      my question is, is there a chance that i have been prescribed a placebo in the original sealed packaging?   i am going to take one now just incase it is just a lower dose but i am a bit confused as to whats going on.   is it just in my head?   am i withdrawing but just not experiencing side effects?   could i have been placed on a lower dose placebo as 20mg but really 10mg or possibly 5mg?  i am seeing my doctor in the coming weeks but just wanted to know.  thank you in advance.  ​  tl;dr   on antidepressants.   normally experience brain zaps if i miss a dose.   refilled.   accidentally missed a few doses and no brain zaps.", "answer": "placebo is not packaged as an active drug; any possibly placebo medication (for study) is labeled as a study drug. you would not receive that from a pharmacy.  withdrawal effects from antidepressants are idiosyncratic. it doesn't surprise me that missing a few days didn't cause any problems.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fgr4l1", "comment_id": "fgr4l1"}, {"question": "how do people without adhd or add concentrate compared to people with adhd or add?", "description": "it just occurred to me that people without adhd and add could very well concentrate differently than people with those disorders. googling this idea though only showed research on the effects of adderall on people without adhd and crappy articles on how to combat the effects of the disorders. it also occurred to me upon seeing this that i haven't seen a lot of information on how people without adhd and add think.  to be more specific with my question, can people without adhd or add just concentrate on something without stopping? do they still experience distractions, but to a lesser degree? is it that people with adhd or add have a completely different way of focusing and organization? is there something that i missed completely?  i should clarify that my knowledge of adhd and add isn't the best. i consider myself to be on the add spectrum, but i've never had it formally diagnosed. hell, most of my knowledge comes from those crappy articles that describe the effects of adhd and add on people.", "answer": "i'm a psychologist and have adhd so i may be able to help but it's not based on scientific evidence, this is based off my personal experience and education in how brains work (bare in mind i'm not a neuro psych though).  the reason people with adhd get distracted is because your brain kind of short circuits itself.   imagine your \"lower order thinking\" such as subconscious thoughts like maintaining breathing, homeostasis, and instinctual reactions takes precedence over \"higher order thinking\" such as conscious thought, problem solving etc. this means that when your brain doesn't get what it needs, it does whatever it can to get it regardless of the higher order thoughts. an example, no matter how much you tell yourself not to breathe, if you hold your breath tthere will come a point where you will either pass out and breathe or involuntarily breathe in, either way your brain has done what it needs to survive by over riding your higher order thoughts.  one thing you need, just the same as oxygen, is feel good chemicals, without them we wouldn't pursue lovers and procreate for example. now know that people with adhd do not produce enough of these feel good chemicals in general. so, similar to the breathing, it doesn't matter how much your higher order thoughts say \"read this book\", your lower order thoughts say \"i'm overriding you because i need to survive. to do that i must receive stimulation to get some feel good chemicals.\" and your brain goes in search for something else. for someone neuro typical, there is balance in their brain that allows their higher order thoughts to drive the bus.  all this means we can pay attention until we are not receiving enough of the feel good chemicals our brain needs, at which point our brain becomes more \"primitive\" and goes in search of stimulation subconsciously and without our choosing to do so.  neuro typicals don't have this issue and so they can tell themself to just get this done and they can go do something fun after. that doesn't work for us though because right now we can't breathe and oxygen in the future when we are already dead won't do anything. bit morbid lol sorry i made the metaphor up as i went along. that's just where it ended up. hope this helps.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "glwkjb", "comment_id": "glwkjb"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. i had to move home to my parent's house because i couldn't afford rent anymore. my dad has narcissistic personality disorder. he won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. anything i can do?", "description": "basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. i'm trying to leave when i can afford rent, but for now i'm here. and i need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. i am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. but, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" there is no arguing with a narcissist. so if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that i can take? i'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. no other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "not sure if you are in the us. is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? there may be legal action to look into; i'm just not entirely sure. maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "dftd2h"}, {"question": "sertraline/ ondansetron", "description": "f22/ 5\u20193\u201d / 145 lbs / jewish+white  *preexisting med issues:* i have hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome (heds) + related autonomic issues, reynauds had a few medication-induced seizures in 2013 due to malpractice that resulted in serotonin syndrome (combo of an eating disorder/underweight bmi, 450mg wellbutrin, 60mg adderall) and a suspected seizure in december 2019 (i think i just fainted but neuro disagrees)  *current meds:* rx: zoloft 175mg, oxybutynin 5mg supplements/otc: cetirizine 10mg, magnesium 200mg, liquid iv electrolyte supplement, tylenol 600, naproxen 250, 4:1 cbd to thc ratio vapor (legal, used for pain)  infrequent alcohol consumption, occasional use of the cbd/thc vape mentioned above, never smoked anything, no other drugs  primary issue: worried about serotonin syndrome?   so i have ondansetron left over from surgery. i feel nauseous and i have really bad emetephobia. i thought it'd be fine to take because i didn't think they'd prescribe me ondansetron in the first place if i there were contraindications with my other meds. turns out i was wrong, major interaction between zoloft and ondansetron. i only took one 4mg dose (oral disintegrating tablets). is one dose dangerous or should i be fine?", "answer": "you should be fine. people take ondanestron with ssris regularly.  there is more risk if you have previously had serotonin syndrome, but without more description i have some questions about the previous diagnosis\u2014\u201cserotonin syndrome\u201d gets used incorrectly for all kinds of adverse effects of medications. seizures can be a serious side effect of wellbutrin, especially with stimulants and metabolic disturbances, but serotonin syndrome would be rare.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hwea75", "comment_id": "hwea75"}, {"question": "doctor said the medications he prescribed are the same thing as the one medication i took, just more \"modern\". none of the three things he prescribed are even an ssri. is this okay?", "description": "i used to take an escitalopram for my anxiety for a year. i stopped taking it few months ago. i wanted to get back to it, but i had to go to a different hospital.   i told the doctor that that escitalopram was great, no side effects, took it for a year. i just stopped taking it because i thought i was better. he then asked about other medicines i took, i told him i don't remember their name, besides xanax, but they didn't work.   the doctor then perscribed me 3 different pills. he didn't even say anything about the pills, no advice on anything at all.  only when i asked why didn't he perscribed me that escilatopram, he said this does the same thing, just more modern. (i didn't ask ok, that's one of them then, what's the other two.)   when he said it's the same thing i took it to mean its an escitalopram but just a different brand name. nope. none of these is even an ssri.   i'm too scared to take these pills now because i only had bad experiences with other kinds of anxiety medicine.   i'm wondering his phrasing about the 'it's just more modern' thing. was it reasonable for me to think that it would be the same kind of ssri, or at least an ssri? the more i think about it the more i think i just severerly misunderstood and he had the right to say it's just more modern. i don't know what to do. i don't wanna take these.  would it be reasonable for me to go back and ask for the specific medication i want because i'm too afraid to take these and i misunderstood what he meant?", "answer": "sounds like you had more questions that you were unable to ask your doctor. i would give the office a call and see if you can schedule a phone call or follow up visit if you haven't already scheduled one to hammer out those concerns.   you say you've had only bad experiences with non-ssri medication, so you seem pretty quick to discount the possibility of these others. i would do a bit of research on each of them if you haven't already and see if there are any concerns that you might have based on what you find. i would be sure to make sure the sources are legit: the fda actually puts out a lot of information on various psychotropic medications. i'd start there.  when it comes down to it, though, it's your choice to take the medication as prescribed or not. if you feel like you want more information before continuing from the doctor, you are free to seek it out. if you find the doctor is not being very accommodating or answering your questions, you can get a second opinion.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cqrh8m", "comment_id": "cqrh8m"}, {"question": "if i am diagnosed with a general anxiety and social anxiety, why am i now prescribed an antidepressant?", "description": "edit:if i am diagnosed with general and social anxiety, why am i now prescribed an antidepressant", "answer": "think of these drug categories as more about marketing than about exact categories.  there is a lot of crossover in terms of what medicines can be useful for what problems.    that said, please get yourself to a cognitive behavioral therapist (cbt) exposure/response prevention (erp) or an acceptance and commitment therapist (act) - one of the evidence based therapies that is known to be useful for anxiety.  medication is like needing to buy fish all the time to keep from being hungry.  focused anxiety therapy is like learning to fish for yourself.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "1qx7pt", "comment_id": "1qx7pt"}, {"question": "are meetings good for people with parents who are/were addicts? and what are alcoholics/narcotics anonymous meetings like", "description": "from birth it seems i was cursed with neglectful teen parents cursed with crippling drug addictions. my father was constantly leaving, going to jail, or doing drug deals around me. my mother had the tendency to get high or drunk and lay in bed all day. that or she'd lose her shit off a meth high while bouncing off the walls. she would constantly be gaining and losing jobs in fast food as quickly as possible. these days my father is in jail, has been for 8 years, and my mom is the same. the years of drug addiction has rotted her mind into a state of...schizophrenia? that's all i can call it, she has a paranoid schizophrenic brother and i think she may have it now after years of drug abuse. she is nearly unintelligible half the time, and i don't think i have the capacity to love her anymore. both did so many drugs around me for so long and abandoned me in many ways.   but this post isn't meant to air out all my dirty laundry. i am curious if a narcotics anonymous meeting can help me at all. i know it's for addicts or people in recovery, but i'd like to speak out.. i'd also like to know how the experience was firsthand, i am also a writer struggling to write firsthand a bit about my experiences, in some form anyway, in a story. any suggestions would be helpful. i'd like to just improve mentally after everything. a different kind of recovery so to speak. thank you for any contributions.", "answer": "i personally think aca would be your best bet but i think alanon or even coda would be worth checking out too, or any program that calls to you, na, aa... you will find so many who can relate to your experiences in aca and alanon and who can articulate your own experiences in ways you haven't yet been able to. check out this list from aca and see if it resonates: WEBLINK  under the literature tab, you can also check out the problem and the solution and see if it resonates. the program is basically for people who are suffering the effects of damaging parenting/families of origin and are trying to heal from it. it's a very compassionate program, in my experience, that recognizes that the ways you've been harmed and the ways you struggle are not your fault but that your healing and growth is now your responsibility.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "e3o1uh", "comment_id": "e3o1uh"}, {"question": "just said \"oh shit!\" outloud as i did the math...", "description": "... and realized only 17 days until i'll have six months!   not drinking today. it's a great morning.", "answer": "sober with you today. 9 days til my 6 months. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4tqnx7", "comment_id": "4tqnx7"}, {"question": "am i [26/f] looking for problems in my relationship with [30/m]? part of me thinks i'm fundamentally unhappy in this relationship.", "description": "my boyfriend and i have known each other for 10+ years. there was always chemistry, even if we lived miles apart, so we finally decided to take the plunge and do long distance. after 1.5 years of long distance, my boyfriend moved to my city. i don't have any family here and i am also relatively new here (only 2.5 years or so).   we've been living together since fall 2016 and part of me feels like this is a huge mistake, like we couldn't be more different. i feel very stuck because he's given up so much to be with me (spent most of his savings, taken a way lower paying job (which he's very happy at), moved away from all his family and friends) and a few months ago we got a dog. but, there are things i just didn't realize about him when we were doing long distance.   he plays a lot of video games and games on his phone. he plays it when he gets home from work, when he wakes up in the morning, he listens to videos on twitch while he showers and while we're eating breakfast. i've talked to him about it and suggested we put on the news in the morning, and it only ever happens if i turn the tv on. if i don't do that, then it's twitch. and sometimes, i don't even want to have the news on, i just want us to talk. it makes me feel so alone in this relationship.   he also is so incredibly cynical and judgemental. i have an instagram for my dog, which he has mentioned multiple times he thinks is lame and doesn't care at all about. we were talking about dogs in our neighborhood and then i started telling him about this dog that follows ours (same breed but it got it's tail docked when it was first born). when we were deciding to get a dog, we ensured that the one we got kept it's tail because we thought it was cruel to dock it if it wasn't going to be a working dog. the other dogs instagram is based on how his butt wiggles because because his tail was docked as a puppy. when i was telling him about it, i said it in a very light-hearted joking way. and he was like \"well isn't it sad how people are monetizing this on social media after this dog having been abused by cutting it's tail off\". and basically talked about how the owners are so irresponsible about not researching having/not having tail etc. he compared it to cutting the nose off of a baby... i wasn't justifying cutting the tail, but i was just sharing something because it came up in conversation. it just turned this perfectly happy and light hearted conversation to something so miserable. it feels so heavy to be around this all the time.   i also love home decoration. i do most things on my own, but sometimes i just like advice or want to know if he's ok with something. we have a set of pictures that i wasn't sure i wanted to put in the living room or the bedroom and asked his opinion. he was like i just don't care, do whatever you want. and i just this feels small, but everytime i ask him his opinion, it feels like that's what he says. but then if i do something and he doesn't like, he'll make a snide comment. i get not being interested in my hobby, but he loves sports and sometimes he wants to watch a game and has no one and will ask me to go to a bar and watch it and i do. i'm happy to give him company and do something for him every once in a while.   these are just three things that happened in the last few days. he regularly snaps at me and can be rude. i'm not perfect, i have my fair share of problems which i'm sure bother him, but i've noticed that i am more pessimistic and sad in general since he's moved here. it's making me miserable. it feels like i'm looking for problems, for a way out, but equally, i feel like i need to give this a real shot because he's moved here and given everything up for us.   i just feel so lost and confused about what to do. i love him so much, i've introduced him to my family (which is a big deal in my culture), i really thought we were going to have a life together, but i feel the longer i'm with him, i'm less sure.  ", "answer": "do you get any time with him that you do enjoy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar4vl", "comment_id": "6ar4vl"}, {"question": "me [15 m] don't know how to get over first break up", "description": "uh where do i start... so i met this girl in my school we chatted online and after week or so we decided to meet after school . we walked sat down kissed my first relationship etc.   so yesterday she was like we gotta talk so we met on a school break and she said that this isn't going, that she is very complicated person and not feeling happy and that this relationship is choking her, that i'm a great guy and that it has to do with her.   and that was the 11th day of our relationship so not long lasting. but my first break up so i took it hard went home let all emotions run and it was the first time ever. now 2nd day it's awful every time i remember some memories like the first kiss and the hug she gave me after it or us holding hands down the main street my eyes get all teared up and stuff. and i can't stop thinking what did i do wrong i mean she's a great person.   even worse we go to the same school is really big but you can still always see someone if u think about it. i can't just not think about what happened and the memories we have but i guess if she gave up after short time she didn't develop a single % of feelings.   she mentoined something about a pause and second chance and i want that but at the same time i feel stupid saying ''hey what about the chance'' or something like that  edit: i forgot to mention we knew eachother a lot more like for about a month before we started dating  but we only been in a relationship for 11 days   tl;dr -  had my first break up and having hard time going over it especially when i remember the memories .", "answer": "there's always an initial period of pain. unavoidable. stay active with what makes you happy and surround yourself with great friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66ab48", "comment_id": "66ab48"}, {"question": "i want to learn to be more empathetic. does anyone have any good, practical tips?", "description": "my subtle narcissism robs me of fulfilling relationships as i am often quick to dominate other people with my perspective instead of trying to understand theirs. think im naturally wired this way but want to make a change.", "answer": "make it a point to learn about folks different from yourself.  absorb media where the stories and main characters don't reflect something you immediately relate to or agree with.  movies, books, articles done from the perspective of people with different genders, races, sexual orientations, cultures, etc. from yourself.     this is generally a good starting point.     aside from that, therapy can be helpful.  at the core of every person with narcissistic traits is generally someone with an abnormally strong fear of rejection, low self-esteem, and a fear of losing control.  working on these things can help reduce the need to always be right or dominate others.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "elap70", "comment_id": "elap70"}, {"question": "i just discovered that i'm a manchild", "description": "hey everyone, so like the title says i just discovered that i'm still a manchild. i really don't want to be one because i've seen manchildren and i am disgusted by them.   i am also disgusted by my brother who is also growing up to be a manchild. i pity my parents and it makes me sad every time i watch them entertain the manchild over and over again. i am 21 now and i just found this out when i was listening to toadreddit on youtube. then most of the things that were mentioned hit me and i feel really bad and want to change myself.    the qualities that hit me were \"depending money from my parents\", \"won't spend own money on important stuff unless it's video games or something like that, etc\", \"can't do basic adulting skills (i.e cooking and driving meself to university)\" , \"no source of income\" i tried to get a job once but when my parents found out they told me not to because my dad is doing well in his work., \"too lazy to improve himself whilst complaining that he himself is a piece of shit\" this one really hit me, \"can't talk about anything except tv, movies and video games\" this is the part i would like the most help with :( and \"always obeys his parents\" i get that there are points where i have to not obey them, it's just that their old now and i really have to help them out in some way.   i just don't want to be a burden to my parents any longer. :(", "answer": "what, in your opinion, should your ideal life look like? what do you do? how will you know when you've \"made it\" and become a successful adult in your own eyes? what will be different in your ideal life compared to today?  in other words, what are some goals you want to set for yourself? setting your own goals is the first and most important step. then you can pick a goal (since you'll probably have several) and work on it one at a time. set a timeframe for that goal that's realistic. determine what milestones along the way you'll have, and what steps you need to take to hit those milestones. then determine what you need to do each day to move towards that goal, set up a routine and new habits.   also, i recommend finding someone to support you as you start to change things. your parents, while they seem to support you financially, are not being very supportive when it comes to your independence and control over your own life. is there someone else you know who can cheer you on, someone you can check in with?  if not, it may be helpful to find a group online or an in-person support group or a regularly meeting club or class so you can meet some folks that you have something in common with. it is possible, but very difficult, to change one's habits on one's own. having support and community behind you is extremely helpful.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "dbujsw", "comment_id": "dbujsw"}, {"question": "power struggles in aa?", "description": "i recently got a sponsor, and he's been good so far. he may not have years and years of sobriety like the other guys, but he's a good guy, bought me a big book, is reviewing the steps with me this week, and is always telling me of good meetings to go to and how to get involved.   i was speaking with a guy who is both an na and aa bigwig, and he knows basically everyone. anyways, i told him that this guy is my sponsor, and he had nothing good to say. he kept calling him a narcissist, and that i can do way better. and then he kept pushing me to get a sponsor who he approved of.   i am just really confused. i don't know what this guy's beef is with my sponsor. so far i have no reason not to trust the guy who's sponsoring me. the only thing i can think of is that my sponsor is a gay guy in his forties, and this other guy might be homophobic. he made some kind of suggestion like my sponsor might be some sort of sex deviant, but when i asked him why, he couldn't give me any straight answers. only that my sponsor is a gay guy and that's about all there is to it. i have no problem with gay guys, my piano teacher all my life was a gay guy and he taught me so much. one of my good friends is gay as well, and while i may not be gay myself, i never felt threatened by them.  i feel kind of angry and confused right now. i feel like i'm being manipulated by this na dude who's got years of sobriety, because he's been around a long time and might feel entitled to calling the shots. for all i know, he could be right though. i've been in aa for one week, and i don't know anyone very well.   btw, i live in boston, where homophobia is huge. i just don't know what to think right now. any advice would be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "if your current sponsor has been through the steps all the way then i see no reason you shouldn't keep him.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2f4uss", "comment_id": "2f4uss"}, {"question": "[long] i [19/m] am confused about my relationship to my gf [19/f]", "description": "hello, my girlfriend and i have been a couple for 5 months now but i am so confused about my relationship to her. here's my situation:  we are both each other\u2019s first big love, although we both had one previous partner. none of our previous relationships have been as serious as our relationship is, though.   whenever i am with my gf and we spend time together, cuddling, kissing, watching a movie whilst i hold her in my arms, i feel utter bliss and such a strong, deep and intimate love to her. she feels the same way in those situations, not only can i tell, but she also told me. those are the situations that make me think she is the perfect girl for me.  however, sometimes i feel the exact opposite and i even wonder, if i should continue to stay with her or leave her. in those moments, i tend to feel very sad, disappointed and not loved. i also feel hurt, as she often does things, which i perceive as hurting. i tend to get said feeling quite often, unfortunately. sometimes every day a few days in a row, because there have been incidents that led to unhappiness on my half. then there is a break of two or three days and on go the days of feeling partly utterly happy, partly very hurt and sad.  the problems i have identified so far:  1) i unfortunately tend to get jealous very easily, even if it's the slightest thing like her sitting next to her (female) friend on the train instead of next to me or her texting a male friend. in these situations, my brain thinks she rather wants to spend time with them than to give me her attention.   2) sometimes, when she is unhappy with a situation she just puts on this annoyed face and stops talking to me. i always tell her, that she can always talk to me about the things that make her unhappy and that i will always try to change something about my behaviour if it was me who made her unhappy. this, however, often isn't enough to break her silence, so i continue to talk to her about how important communication is for a healthy relationship and that i will always listen to her problems and that i won't react in a bad way, which i never do - i always react super calmly and understandingly. after some time, she usually opens up and talks to me about the problem. however, in this situation, in which she isn't really talking to me, i fell so hurt, because she gives me the feeling, that i did something to hurt her, but i do not even have the slightest idea what it could've been. she tends to get hurt by things that i didn't even know could hurt. e. g.: -> i'm interested in a lot of things, like motorcycling, fitness, law (which i study), politics, economics, science, music, traveling etc. i often try to bring up a conversation about some of these topics, but i always feel like she gets bored in an instance when i do so and hence i have stopped. this is created quite a lack in casual communications between us. on longer car rides, there are often long silences, as well as when we are out for dinner or having dinner at home. this also really bugs me, i am trying to talk about stuff that interests me or i am trying to ask her things about her day/hobbies, but she often answers in short sentences and makes barley any effort to continue the conversation, unless it is a topic which interests her a lot.  today my girlfriend, a (female) friend of her and i went to the park for a few hours. there she spend most of the time talk to her friend which made me feel like the fifth wheel. when i dropped her off at home she exited the car with her female friend and did not even look at me, she just said bye and ran inside as it was raining heavily. ____________________________ the problem is that i am totally confused about my relationship to my gf. on the one hand i dearly love her, but on the other hand i very often tend to get very sad as i feel hurt and/or jealous by her actions or situations that occur between us. this really preys on my mind and i don't know what to do. i don\u2019t want this relationship to end, but i also don\u2019t want it to continue in that way.  i'm open for any kind of advice. thanks in advance!  tl;dr: on the one hand, i dearly love my gf, on the other i often feel very hurt and/or jealous. what should i do about my relationship to her? i really don't want it to end, but i also don't want the phases of me feeling hurt and jealous to continue.", "answer": "your feelings, in intensity, range and volatility, are normal.   if you're willing to say that the love is the truth, then you are just going to want to note your hard feelings to yourself and behave in a patient, kind and loving manner. which sometimes includes saying \"hey i don't like it when you leave without saying goodbye. can you please say goodbye when you leave?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f493g", "comment_id": "6f493g"}, {"question": "my psychiatrist gave y\u2019all a shoutout!!", "description": "at my last appointment, i told him my meds were working but i was still struggling with time management and behavioral issues, so he mentioned online forums as a starting point for learning strategies, and specifically mentioned r/adhd! i told him i was already a member, and that y\u2019all are super helpful.  this really is a super helpful community, and y\u2019all have really helped me make sense of this weird brain thing. thanks!", "answer": "i'm a psychologist and regularly recommend this subreddit. i explain that people on the internet are complete strangers so don't take their word for gospel, but some of the ideas here are fantastic and it gives a sense of understanding.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "jjsq5x", "comment_id": "jjsq5x"}, {"question": "advice please? (uk)", "description": "i'm a 22 year old girl, diagnosed with \"low mood and social anxiety.\" i'm considering going back to my gp to alter my treatment (my medication isn't working) but i am having some concerns.   when i was diagnosed i wasn't entirely honest with my doctor, specifically i lied about whether i self harm. i do, but told them i don't. now that i want to be serious about my treatment i feel i should be honest with them, but i'm worried that telling them i self harm will have consequences.  has anyone ever been in this situation? what did your gp do when you told them?", "answer": "what's your concern?  denial of care or involuntary commitment of some sort?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6aoiy3", "comment_id": "6aoiy3"}, {"question": "performed well in college/grad school, but now struggling in entry level office job, any advice?", "description": "tldr- did really well in college/grad school, but now i'm really struggling in my entry level office job. due mainly to the time i've had to miss ( 5 days of pto i had to use by the end of the year, and  2 days for a seminar i and to attend), and my lack of organization and focus/interest in the job. not sure what to do  so this past may i graduated why my ma in international relations. the time i spent in that program was a high point for me as i perfumed  very well ( finished with a 3.88 gpa) overall, and was able to manage various deadlines for my classes, along with being a graduate assistant for my first two semesters, and later competing a couple internships, all while not being on any meds for my adhd.  now after being in an entry level office shipping/logistics job, a lot of my self-confidence has been chipped away. it's a very task-oriented job , with lots of monotonous data entry work, and a heavy emphasis on keeping various paperwork organized in a certain way. it should ne noted that not only is the paperwork monotonous but there is a also a lot of it, on a good day i might get 5 or 6 new files, on a bad day 10-15 new files.    at first i was actually doing okay ,i got a decent review after my first 3 months, but after that things started to go down the tubes. it all started with the fact that while i was doing the actual data entry work well, i was at the same time struggling with my organization, when it came to the hard copies of  these files. things started to get really bad. when they added four new clients to my workload.   once that happened i started to get really overwhelmed. this was compounded by the fact that after i completed my first 3 months on the job in november i earned 5 days of pto, which i had use by the end of the year. i also missed two more days because of a seminar i had  to attend for work, to get a certain type of certification for the job.  all this time off meant that i got really behind,  which is bad because i am constantly getting new files which makes it hard to focus on getting old jobs finished, because i have to get the first steps of these new files completed first, which takes a good chunk of my day already. this has started to become a major problem and my clients have started to complain to my bosses as they aren't getting the updates on the files they need in what they see as a timely manner. in my rush to attempt to get things done, along with my lack of focus due to finding the work boring and repetitive, i've started to make carless mistakes that have cost the company money.          this job is really making me feel like an incompetent failure, and i'm wondering if maybe  this is just really not the job for me?  i'm also wondering why i was able to do so well in school, but am struggling so mightily in this environment? any advice?   ", "answer": "i\u2019ve always told myself that i need to feel invested in the work that i do in order to pay attention. i\u2019ve always struggled with your run-of-the-mill office jobs or retail work because i get bored and lose focus.   try and find an aspect of your job that stimulates you mentally. another option would be to reward yourself for periods of focus\u2014like i would always use candy to reward myself for writing papers in undergrad. look into the pomodoro technique too. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "7n6tva", "comment_id": "7n6tva"}, {"question": "please, just read.", "description": "i've been in a really bad place for a while now and seeing the positivity on here makes me the slightest bit more happy. it's as if people can *see* me, even though there are so many users behind screens. just wanted to **get that off my chest**", "answer": "i love you and you are not alone", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d8bsy", "comment_id": "7d8bsy"}, {"question": "saw a kid die", "description": "went to my local convenience store for beer, a kid fell from the flat above. the mum screamed a scream i will never forget. saw the paramedics take their little body away, saw the parents break down, wasn't worth it. fucked me right up.", "answer": "so sorry you had to see that dude.", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "gqc0kw", "comment_id": "gqc0kw"}, {"question": "i am [16/m] and my crush is [16/f]. i get obsessed because of meaningless things i say and can't stop thinking about them.", "description": "let me give a bit of background on this one.   i've been talking to my crush for more than half a year now, and the only reason i haven't dated her yet is because we live relatively far away and i have my math finals soon.  since we live far away, we're texting all the time. we're also skyping and talking on the phone. this part is all great.  but my problem is that i get super obsessed over small and meaningless things i say and can't stop thinking about them.  ###example 1  we're skyping and she tells me she did something new in her hair. without thinking i tell her i don't know if it's because i'm a guy or not but i don't really notice a difference.  i know i should've told her it looks really good or something like that but i only thought about that later. this didn't hurt much and it wasn't meaningful since we kept skyping for 3 hours after this until we had to go to sleep and had a great time, yet for an entire day i just couldn't stop thinking about how i should've complimented her.  ###example 2  just today we were texting. she is about to come back from a vacation abroad and she told me she got me something small but she doesn't feel like it's enough. i told her i'm sure it's enough. then she said she'll try to find something else in the airport mall so i sent her a heart emoji and a smiling emoji.   later i thought that i probably should've said that what she got is enough and that she doesn't have to buy something else but now it's too late to bring that up.  this probably doesn't matter at all either but i can't stop thinking about it. it feels like for some reason it will do a lot of harm even though i am absolutely sure we'll have something going on between us.     these 2 examples aren't the only ones but i think they're enough. how can i stop thinking about these kind of things? i know it's not healthy and it bothers me quite a bit, but i'm honestly not sure on how to stop.  **tl;dr** i say a lot of things that don't really matter but i can't stop thinking about them and it really bothers me. how can i stop?", "answer": "obsessiveness is anxiety. talk to your doc and find a therapist. it will help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "696qa9", "comment_id": "696qa9"}, {"question": "do social media communities for mental health still exist? what are they like?", "description": "i used to be part of one on twitter. we were big but tight-knit, so most people didn't pay us any mind. it was nice that that support structure was there. does anyone know if stuff like that still exists? i'm given to understand that the one on twitter got kinda big and less intimate and now it's not really a thing people go to for support...", "answer": "there's a good amount of groups on facebook and if you type things like mental health + forum into google you can find endless message board groups.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6soq3g", "comment_id": "6soq3g"}, {"question": "[26/m]i want to leave my wife [24/f], here's my story...", "description": "my wife and i have been together for five years and married for almost three. we are in our mid twenties. she is from south america, all her family is there and she has visited annually, which is leaving me bitter and filled with resentment, let me explain.   financially we're stable but stuck in a rut. i've been bouncing from job to job since college and was recently hired with a great company. she was working at a local hotel and doing great, just starting to make good money. she quit her job (she wasn't selected for a promotion she thought she would get) and went to visit her family for two months leaving me to foot the bills for everything. i am okay with being alone, i can take care of myself but my biggest issue is looking towards the future. there are virtually no employers that will grant a month or two of leave annually unless she finds seasonal work.the tickets to her country are about 1500$ round trip and it takes the better part of two days to get there so going for a week or even two was not an option to her. she has had to quit several jobs because of this already. i cant help but to ask myself what that means for our future. our bills are minimal now but what if i want to buy a house? i feel like i'm going to have a minimum wage income supplementing our lives for 10 months a year. i cant ask her to not go see her family, but i cant see us ever being successful. there are also other parts of our relationship that disappoint me but i feel like they are the norm for many.             ", "answer": "well, why can't she get a seasonal job? there are plenty of seasonal jobs that pay well-- work at a ski resort in the winter/summer beach resort in the summer?  waitressing makes good money and is pretty flexible in terms of coming and going-- it's pretty easy (at least where i live) to pick up restaurant jobs.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "193uki", "comment_id": "193uki"}, {"question": "ladies, how many of you experience an increase in your anxiety shortly before your period begins?", "description": "have you figured out a pattern of an unexplained increase in your anxiety and your period? have you spoken to your therapist or doctor about it? did they say this is a thing? does anxiety medication help at all?   i took this week off of work, which causes anxiety to begin with. i have chest crushing anxiety today (that i am hiding because i\u2019m home alone with my toddlers) and then tonight, bam! there\u2019s my period.  it feels terrible to think this is my biology", "answer": "i don\u2019t have periods anymore (thanks mirena!) but when i did, i always had a spike in anxiety right before my period. very normal!", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "cemmjp", "comment_id": "cemmjp"}, {"question": "things they dont tell you about bulimia *trigger warning*", "description": "- it will cause sores and cuts on your knuckles  - stomach acid will burn any abrasions or said cuts on yoyr hands - you will lose your voice  - your throat will constantly ache and burn  - your knees will be bruised from kneeling in front  of the toilet  - you will get horrible acid reflux  - you will get iron, electrolyte and other vitamin deficiencies  -you will never be able to tell if your meds are in your system or whether they were purged", "answer": "my throat is so sore right now. if anyone knows how to help that, lmk", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "eypklb", "comment_id": "eypklb"}, {"question": "wife pregnant with affair...what to do?", "description": "we are a married couple for 4 years, with no kids. we were seeing each other for 7 years before that. wife initially started our conversation that she wanted a divorce because she was not attracted to me anymore. later on, she admitted that she was seeing someone (mr.x) and she had committed the worst thing ever. they had sex few times and now she is 6 weeks pregnant. i do not know what to do. she might be emotionally involved with mr.x and she needs to talk to him about the pregnancy..if she needs to abort it or want to keep it ? i am very devastated with all this and want a divorce, because it seems to be messy situation. i can not speak to anyone about this, since i do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic. if it was only an affair, i could have thought twice of giving this a second chance. but knowing she is pregnant, it feels terrible.  i do not know what to do...looking for some advice here...please help, im devastated. should i give her a second chance and forget what happened or get a separation and make my own way out of this ?  edit : i do not plan to raise the other man's kid. if we choose to give it another chance, she would have to drop the kid, since its only 6 weeks it's only a pill abort. i feel horrible to say this, but for reasons i would not want to raise someone's else kid.", "answer": "so sorry..... no easy answer here.  everyone is different when it comes to forgiveness. i would definitely see a marriage counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pst0i", "comment_id": "5pst0i"}, {"question": "do i really have a 40% chance of dying in the next two years?? am i reading this stat wrong?", "description": "just got out of the hospital after 3 days in accute care with severe sepsis, bordering on septic shock. docs think the infection started with enteritis, but they aren't sure what caused the enteritis in the first place. multiple doctors told me the initial infection was probably viral--urine & stool cultures didn't reveal anything bacterial--yet i was treated with antibiotics because 'you appear to be responding to them' ???   **because my hospitalization was so short, some people have assumed that my sepsis was mild.** not true--my first day in the er, they couldn't raise my blood pressure above 70s/40s despite flooding me with fluids & vasodilators (my normal blood pressure is low--100/70--but this was realllllly low). fever of 102\u00b0. some signs of end stage organ failure (inability to pass urine, inability to keep any food or water down).   everything's happened so fast & intense--friday i was fine. saturday i couldn't stand upright long enough to make tea in my own kitchen, and i couldn't even keep water down. sunday/monday/tuesday, hospital. friday: i feel...okish now. still very low energy. sleeping a lot. but i'm leagues better than i was.   ###**with that medical history out of the way, here's my question: do sepsis survivors really have a 40% chance of dying in the two years following?**  i was curious about this thing that abruptly upended my life, so i've been doing a lot of research while in recovery.   i found two unsettling stats:  [from jama:](WEBLINK)  >the prognosis for patients after sepsis varies. about a third of patients die in the year after sepsis, one-sixth experience severe persistent weakness or difficulty with memory, concentration, or decision making, and half have a complete or near-complete recovery.  [from the university of michigan](WEBLINK)  >prescott and team then analyzed the late death rates and found that among the patients who survived for 30 days after their sepsis hospitalization, 40 percent died within the next two years.  >\u201cit was interesting because this high rate of late mortality was not explained by the patient\u2019s age, socio-demographics or their pre-sepsis health status,\u201d prescott says.  >\u201crather, we found that, compared to the group of adults not in the hospital, one in five patients who survived sepsis had a late death that was not explained by their baseline characteristics. compared to the patients admitted to the hospital with a non-sepsis infection or sterile inflammatory condition, patients with sepsis had a 10 percent and 16 percent absolute increase in late death, respectively.\u201d  **no one at the hospital told me any of this--am i reading this correctly? do i need to get a will??** i am in shock & completely reevaluating my life.   i am a planner, and my life is very staid & scripted (which is the way i like it). i have one month goals, 3 month goals, 1 year goals, 5 year goals...all of this is in question now.    **stats:**  age: 29  sex: female  height: 5'0\"/153 cm  weight: 105 lbs/47 kg  race: mixed asian/white  smoking/drinking/drugs: no   if anyone from holy cross hospital in maryland is reading this: i am eternally grateful to nurse brenda in the er, and nurse abel, nurse leslie, nurse grace, nurse lalitha (?), & dr. fri in the accute ward (and a tonne of other people i can't remember cause i was kinda out of it...you guys saved my life. thank you).", "answer": "this is the difference between a study population and an individual patient.  people who develop severe sepsis tend to not only be very sick while septic but also be people who are very sick and prone to sepsis. they have comorbidities\u2014other illnesses and circumstances\u2014that put them at high risk of sepsis and death. it\u2019s not that sepsis directly makes you likely to die later, it\u2019s that people at risk of dying tend to be at risk of sepsis.  a young, otherwise healthy person can become septic, as you\u2019ve learned. it\u2019s rare, and it\u2019s rare enough that it has little effect on statistics on sepsis. you are probably the outlier\u2014this is *most likely* one-time bad luck and has no effect on long-term risk. it\u2019s certainly important to make sure there isn\u2019t some reason for it for you\u2014for example, people who inject drugs are at high risk of sepsis and death, and certain immune deficiencies can raise your risk dramatically\u2014but if everything has been checked out you were just unlucky.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "k243f9", "comment_id": "k243f9"}, {"question": "any tips for making yourself do things?", "description": "the main way that adhd negatively impacts me as an adult is that i have a really hard time getting up to do things. once i\u2019ve started i get on a role, but getting started doesn\u2019t happen often enough for my liking. this happens for things like getting up to go to work or doing laundry/cleaning, but also for fun things like getting ready to see friends or even getting up to get food.  any tips?", "answer": "not sure if it\u2019s already mentioned but i do something called the \u201c20 minutes\u201d rule. i commit to doing the task for the next 20 minutes and if i am still bored i stop for a while. it usually will trick me into getting into a groove", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ai9lj9", "comment_id": "ai9lj9"}, {"question": "my [24/f] boyfriend [28/m] is going away for a weekend to music festival.", "description": "my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and a half, almost 2 years. he is really into the edm music i myself are not that big of a fan. we have been to a few music festivals together, we had fun. but i'm a few weeks he is leaving out of state for the arizona global music festival. he will be leaving early saturday morning and coming back sunday night.  he is going out there for a night with his cousins. i can't help but feel mad that he is leaving. i don't even know why i feel mad i trust him. i trust that he isn't going to do something to jeopardize our relationship.   i have just been a complete bitch to him since he told me he was going to leave. can someone just give me some advice to stop being so rude to him and just let him leave without starting a argument. ", "answer": "stop being so rude to him and just let him leave without starting an argument.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5bnhh0", "comment_id": "5bnhh0"}, {"question": "i don't know how to meet new people", "description": "hi, i'm 20 years old and finished my studies, and i don't really know anyone, there's 2 people i chat with now and then but we aren't exactly close. in my last year of high school i lost my group of friends and i've  never really made any since. i'm an introvert so i spend most of my time reading, watching movies or netflix and playing video games, and i'm not a big party person so i don't go out drinking or to parties (don't get invited out or to parties anyway) and i just don't know how to meet new people who i can actually hang out with because the closest i can get to meeting people is online friends who live on the other side of the world and i'm just so stuck and it's started to take a toll on my mental health so any advice would be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "try bumble bff or joining a meetup group!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9k4kpk", "comment_id": "9k4kpk"}, {"question": "brother regularly toking and drinking alcohol before driving, has not been caught with a dui yet", "description": "is there a way i can inform the police to have him arrested next time he does this?", "answer": "yeah make an anonymous call that you saw so n so vehicle with so n so license plate swerving and almost hit someone you believe him to be intoxicated and it was at so n so location   but try to talk with him first. maybe be upfront about your beliefs in it being wrong. toking usually is fine (sorry but honest) but drinking is impairing much more so.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "2j78ec", "comment_id": "2j78ec"}, {"question": "performance anxiety induced insomnia: is it ok to take low dose sleeping pill?", "description": "hi,  i didn't think this was solvable problem but recently read this as productivity \"hack\" from reputable person.  this problem is now severely affecting my life: i get very low sleep (<=6hrs) day before interview (the day i need it most). problem is so severe that i got provigil (modafinil) tablet to combat sleep deprivation induced cognitive impairment (which helps but also introduces verbal fluency issues when speaking foreign language (english), so it's far from ideal).  i know sleeping pills don't induce quality sleep. but is 8 hours on 1/3 of ambien better than 5 hours \"natural\" sleep? this type of event happens around 5-10 times per year, so they wouldn't be used chronically.  thank you.", "answer": "this is one of the few good using of sedative-hypnotics, in my opinion. needing an ambien for a night now and then is perfectly reasonable as long as it's helpful for you.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "94ipfc", "comment_id": "94ipfc"}, {"question": "what\u2019s the most hyperfocused you\u2019ve ever been on something?", "description": "for me it was when i was playing rhythm heaven for hours until my dad called me to do a chore and putting the game down felt like waking up from a deep sleep ", "answer": "every damn time i get deep into an excel sheet....", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "9a2kbn", "comment_id": "9a2kbn"}, {"question": "what is a good way to start getting to know better/more-productive people?", "description": "***tl;dr below***   i'm almost 21 with no clear direction of interest in college, with a circle of mostly non-productive people who mostly just laugh things down, and who's yet to have a job.   i decided recently that i need a job since schooling isn't seeming to be enough for me to find my preferred career direction, so i cut back on schooling and have been searching for a job. so far nowhere has accepted me, while i've gotten some interviews, but slowly i'm starting to realize that i might have to work at a place more like \"mcdonalds\" instead of places more like \"red robins\" or \"outback\". i want a job where i can be around people who will expect me to do my part in work and to get better, but also to have a job where i can build my personality since i've been stagnant much of my life. the thing is though i've come to a chicken-and-egg problem of needing to have a really good personality to get the interviews to go good. i almost got into in-n-out by putting up a good front that i hoped to one day turn into my real self, but my second interviewer was far less interested in my drive and more interested in myself. i don't have much to say about myself right now since i don't do much, but i want to get more hobbies like skateboarding etc. - but to get into those hobbies i need money and new friends, which means i need a job - and new friends.   that isn't the main issue though, as the worst case scenario is i'll have to work in a lame job for a year or less to get experience. i had other ideas anyways to get around better people. i chose to join a community service club at my college, but was surprised at how the people were and how the club was ran. the club requires an entrance fee to *do* some services, which isn't too bad, but the club also was oddly cliquish with some people sitting to themselves at the corner of the room and no-one else (of the seemingly more outgoing members) were doing anything about it. they're paid members too, but looking like outcasts. i talked with them and got to know some of them, but i also tried to get to know the more outgoing others. a lot of them showed little interest in making the club a very open environment to everyone though (not through telling them this, but through their actions and how they didn't all welcome me). a lot of people in the club feel off too, like they're pushing fake personas. i got to talking to one of the outgoing kids for a good 30 minutes, but was moderately uncomfortable in how he'd be glancing off everywhere the entire time with probably a total of 30 seconds of eye-contact (no joke). i took from that body language that he didn't want to talk, so i made an opening to leave and end the conversation, but he strangely insisted to coming with me. i don't consider myself too socially awkward, but i do consider myself a person lacking experience and who is far from worldly.   ***tl;dr* : so, i've been trying to get a positive/productive first-job, but that's failed thus far and i'll likely end up getting a job more the like of mcdonalds. i'm trying to get into a community service club, but find the atmosphere not as positive or open as i'd like. but to my goal, i want to get more experience and be with people who push me to get into new/different things. i'd hope to find people who can push my interests and help me find what i really want to do. right now i'm siting on friends who just stagnate with entertainment and down-talking just about everything. i'm tired of my lifestyle and want to change, what other things should i do to aid in that?**   *edit:* i don't want to restrict myself from talking to certain people, but i do find myself the type of person who always ends up with the outcasts in a room of people. and there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but the thing is the outcasts tend to be imperfect people or have clear issues with themselves (not the type driven in having both of us change for the better). i have one class-mate i sat next to one day, since i got to class right at the bell, and she started talking a lot to me. she actually has a lot in common with me technically, but sadly i don't want to go through with all those old hobbies anymore (gaming, drawing, etc) and she is one to also down-talk things and look for pity on many parts of her life. we barely know each-other right now and she's already told me family issues, her sleep issues, etc. i actually would like to move my seat to one where i can sit next to other people to get to know more people (not ditch her entirely), but i feel like that'd be mean to her to some extent - while i feel being friendly to someone through pity without saying honest statements (because they might make her mad) is potentially also mean. so i guess i'm afraid of someone disliking me so i choose to be submissive, not sure if that's the best idea. but ya, i guess that's kind-of relevant.", "answer": "since you are a student, you may look at seeing a counselor.  often times schools provide free counseling to students.     it might help to have someone to bounce ideas off of and explore some of the confidence issues that you seem to have.  some of it can be how you interpret things.   are you being passive or compassionate?  is that person not interested or do they have other things going on?   are you boring or are you trying to find yourself as a young adult?   different interpretations make for different feelings and reactions.    take some time and try to find the things that you do like about yourself and maybe be realistic about weaknesses that you would like to improve.    you sound like a decent guy, so i wish you the best.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "47rl7o", "comment_id": "47rl7o"}, {"question": "is this a normal feeling?", "description": "so, ive been lurking around this subreddit for a while and trying to figure out how i could put what i was feeling into words. so, i have a pretty good life. i have asian parents so the topic of therapy is very foreigh to them. and thats why i decided to give this subreddit a try . i have great parents, loving sister, im currently in medical school which is my dream job . i dont really have much to complain about. but even then i\u00f1i dont kniw why, but im never happy. every night before falling asleep my mind always starts thinking about how good it would feel if i died right now. like i would have these sudden thoughts about just ending it and i dont even know what triggers them. its like im guilty of feeling happy. like i dont deserve to be happy. and i always wanted to live a short life. i want to live a short but happy life. this was because i couldnt imagine a world without my parents. i dont want to outlive them. is this normal?.", "answer": "no i wouldn't consider that to be normal, with your definition of \"normal\" meaning being ok with being happy. those sudden thoughts would be considered to be intrusive thoughts (thoughts that just suddenly pop up and you have a hard time ignoring them/making them go away.) the thought processes you're having of how it would be good if you died right now but not taking action towards those steps would be considered to be passive suicidal ideation (aka if i got hit by a bus it would be nice, if i just happened to die i'd be ok with it) which is still considered suicidal ideation.   ​  the question is how long you've felt like this for, and if this has impacted your life significantly in terms of functioning socially, educationally, or otherwise. same with the other person who posted, if you're in med school you can go to a therapist and confidentiality will keep your concerns between yourself and your therapist. the therapist could help you figure out the triggers of what is making you feel the way you do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds19cr", "comment_id": "ds19cr"}, {"question": "question about hep c. please help me", "description": "on dec 15, i accidentally got a needlestick from a lancet from a patient who had antibodies for hep c. i freaked out and thought i contracted the disease. i heard that the hep c rna can be detected within 2 weeks after contact if contracted. about 3 weeks after the incident, i went in for a hep c pcr qualitative test and it came back negative. so after the qualitative test, about 2 weeks later, i went in for another rna test. this time, i got the hep c pcr quantitative test. that test also came back negative. this would make it about 6 weeks after the needlestick incident and both my tests were negative. my doc said that i did not contracted the disease. however later i noticed that i been breaking out alot and i never had acne before. could hep c cause acne?? i am scared", "answer": "no, it doesn't cause acne, and a negative pcr over a month after exposure is a convincing negative. the odds of contracting an infection after a needlestick is under 2% for hepatitis c, so you got lucky but not unusually so.  not everyone with positive hep c antibodies is hep c positive, either; a sizable minority clear the infection after the acute phase, but the antibodies persist whether or not the viral rna (and thus infection) remains present.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9iwrxa", "comment_id": "9iwrxa"}, {"question": "dual-diagnosis here. are there others who are on psychotic drugs who are working and going to school? it seems immeasurably difficult.", "description": "quick post, i'm typing this while at work and having a very rough time.    edit: i've decided to take a leave of absence for twelve weeks from work. i'll be seeing my therapist and psychiatrist more often in that time, doing more self care, and going to more meetings (addiction related). thanks everyone for what you've said, it's helped me to understand that this is not easy and needs to be handled in it's own unique way. keep spreading hope. ", "answer": "dual-diagnosis like mental illness and drug addiction?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25yubz", "comment_id": "25yubz"}, {"question": "advice for interviewing 11-13 year olds 1 on 1?", "description": "any help would be greatly appreciated :)", "answer": "i work with this age group, and it's really not different from talking to older teens or young adults. ask getting to know you questions the same you would anyone else, and if you can try to connect on a tv show, youtube channel, sport, whatever they're into. you'll earn their respect simply by talking to them as normal people -- at this age they still get talked down to by adults.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "3ke523", "comment_id": "3ke523"}, {"question": "severe autism, no progress?", "description": "hello, i am posting in hopes to gain more insight on my sister and her condition. she is 16 years old and was diagnosed with autism at age 3 or so, and has recently been put in a group home.  ​  before her diagnosis, doctors didn't notice anything off and she even began to say a few words. then she completely stopped making any developmental progress. she cannot talk and she never has. i never really understood it growing up, so i am hoping someone can help me since my parents don't know much themselves.     why does she not talk? is there any chance she will ever talk? doctors said maybe after puberty, but things aren't looking good. when i went to visit her, she seemed happy since i brought her a toy that plays music, which she likes. but then suddenly she gets upset and pushes me away. she also often bites herself and flaps her hands around. could anything other than autism be the reason she doesn't talk? i have tried to search online but have been having difficulties since autism is such a wide spectrum and she is on the more severe side. thank you for any input, it is much appreciated.", "answer": "it sounds to me like a more severe variant of autism, maybe combined with a genetic disorder (did she have genetical testing?), probably combined with low iq. try thinking of her as if she still is a young child in an adolescent body.  my advice, however, is not to care too much about the diagnosis. the important thing is that she is as happy as she can be and since everyone with autism is different, to find out what makes her happy, look at her and not at any book about autism.  ​  hope this helps. sorry my reply came so late.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bbalfv", "comment_id": "bbalfv"}, {"question": "i now hate my life and myself", "description": "hey. i am not sure if i belong here but it seems like a place where people will understand me. if i am breaking any rules then i am sorry and will be out.  its just that i am not an alcoholic. i never drank for more than 3 days in a row and mostly didn't drink if i had to work next day and i have no trouble refusing if somebody offers me a drink now. i am more of a binge drinker who can't stop when started until i blackout. if alcohol is over before i blackout i feel a sort of desperation. so i drank like that  1-3 times a week for over a decade.  and then a few years ago i decided to stop. i am not even sure why anymore. maybe because i fell on my face and broke two of my teeth on two different occasions in one year, because i am now with an actual alcoholic or because i was afraid i may say something or cheat on him by accident. not sure. only now i really hate life. it is all grey and depressing.nothing got better like for example when it comes to work but everything else just got worse. i tried to find ways to have fun without drinking but i just can't. its like if you ever felt true fun all the substitutes just don't live up to it. i also don't really know who i am anymore. i guess i identified myself too much with being a fun, wild drunk. i loved all the stories of what i did when drunk and actually enjoyed all the positive and negative things people were saying about me. now i don't know where to put myself. i try to get my boyfriend to quit and that not just because i worry about him but because i feel jealous when i see him drunk. i hate his friends who come to drink with him because i imagine myself drinking with them. it hurts when i see my old friends now being his friends asking what happened with me. they all probably think i am a stuck up bitch who is against fun. and i can't find any new friends because i have no idea how to connect with people anymore (acquaintances yes, but no friends) . i did get drunk a couple of times in the past 3 years but only like 5 times per year and his friends all said they like me more that way which i get, i agree with them. i started getting high on opiates but this doesn't help as it isn't a very social drug.  basically everything is absolutely awful and i don't know how to change it. i keep on telling myself that i will go back and plan to get a vodka bottle on friday but something always stops me. i think mainly because of my parents who are so happy with the change in me because they can't see how miserable i am and i don't want to hurt them. back in the days i didn't care about that, i only cared about what i wanted and i miss this too.  anyways. i am sure people here felt this way and can maybe give some sort of advice? did you ever find the same happiness without drinking, made any real friends, found a way to be happy with who you are etc.?", "answer": "the term \u201calcoholic\u201d is no longer used in medical terminology. the correct term is \u201calcohol use disorder\u201d. medically speaking you meet the diagnostic criteria for an alcohol use disorder.  the only requirement for membership for aa is a desire to stop drinking. if drinking causes problems it is a problem. if you persist in a behavior after that behavior causes problems, it will help to examine what positive benefits you gain from it.  i suggest you try 90 days of abstinence while attending aa meetings and introduce yourself as someone who is sampling sobriety and seeking to learn new ways of coping.  i suspect that your inner life has not provided you with the peace and contentment that you would prefer. aa offers a 12 step process of recovery that addresses the problem of living according to spiritual values. each of the steps has a spiritual theme. the first is honesty. getting honest about how drinking is harming you is necessary. if you persist in drinking when it\u2019s harmful you aren\u2019t being honest. aa calls that powerless. the second principle is hope. aa provides plenty of evidence for reason to hope for a better life than the one you\u2019re living. the third principle is faith. in aa you will meet people who have been revitalized by their reliance on a power greater than themselves, and aa suggests you define what that is for yourself.  the fourth principle is courage. self examination is a necessary part of the process and self deception will sabotage your recovery. that is why it is necessary to share it with another.  the rest of the steps build on this process, each step preparing you for the next one. finally you achieve a sense of indescribable freedom. this is described in the promises that are given in the aa literature.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "f9snay", "comment_id": "f9snay"}, {"question": "adhd house cleaning game", "description": "start with one item that needs to be put away, like a pair of scissors lying on the coffee table for example. so you go put the scissors in the kitchen drawer. on the counter above the kitchen drawer is some junk mail that needs to be thrown out. so you throw the mail out and notice the trash needs to be emptied. you empty the trash, put in a new kitchen trash bag and notice one of your dog's toys on the floor nearby. you put the dog's toy away and...  anyway, it's kind of a trip to see how long you can bounce around from one spot to another and keep getting stuff done in the process. ", "answer": "omg that is exactly how i \"clean up\" the clutter....then that song gets stuck in my head by the fixx.  one thing, one, one thing leads to anoooother!", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "62gfqq", "comment_id": "62gfqq"}, {"question": "questions about insomnia (in post)", "description": "currently 14 but 13 when this happened, around 1.75m tall and unsure on weight but overweight, mixed asian/african, living in north east england.  around a year ago, i went to my gp (nhs) after years of not being able to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time, and was told i had insomnia, but couldn't be given sleeping pills until i was 18 because i was too young. he told me that sleeping in the same room as the router was probably causing my insomnia and i should stop sleeping with the wifi on. he also gave me alimemazine tablets to take daily, which didn't work at all (i searched it up too, looked like complete bullshit for insomnia). i stopped taking them after around 3 weeks, because they had no effect on me. for context, i live in a fairly shady area with a lot of unemployed families, run down buildings, cut down times at nurseries and the library; it's pretty clear the government doesn't want to spend much on our area, or public health. i haven't been to the gp since, because they're never useful, so this has stopped me from seeing them about some concerns.  so tl;dr: - is there an age requirement for sleeping pills in england? can under 18's take sleeping pills? - is there something stronger than alimemazine my gp could have given me at 13? - is my router causing my insomnia, or was my gp just making an excuse? keeping in mind, my mom also has insomnia (as well as mental illnesses, if that makes a difference)", "answer": "i don't know about the laws regarding controlled substances (or any substances) in england. i don't know anything about alimemazine either, since it's not legal for use in the usa.  there are regularly loud pronouncements on the dangers of wifi and other forms of non-visible electromagnetic radiation, usually claiming cancer but any number of other physical or mental problems. those are almost universally garbage. (the definite exception, of course, is ultraviolet light.) wifi causing insomnia is not supported by any scientific literature.  sleeping pills come in many types. they all have their own risks, but none are risk-free, and none are impressively effective, either. they aren't my first recommendation for sleep problems, and they aren't my second or third, either. (sleep hygiene, cbt-i, and sometimes melatonin.) i would say it's worth seeing someone else and getting a more thorough evaluation of your type of insomnia and what might be done about it, if that's possible through the nhs.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "aco6sh", "comment_id": "aco6sh"}, {"question": "hi, i'm a stalker and i need help", "description": "hi. i'm a stalker, and i don't want to be.   are there any resources targeted toward men who do this but don't want to? something that isn't the typical \"tough love / scare tactic\" stuff.  it's pretty bad and it isn't getting better.   edit: please do not recommend therapy or try to sell me on e-therapists or assume that there are competent affordable therapist in my area. thank you. no therapy recommendations.", "answer": "well if you want the help then call and get information. they are obligated per their license to give you that.   but as someone that works in this field, i can tell you that accountability for your actions is the most important step towards recovery.  even if you haven\u2019t committed crimes or broken any laws, consider the moral and ethical choices you make when you have the behaviors you\u2019re trying to fix. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7clo0e", "comment_id": "7clo0e"}, {"question": "weird feeling in chest that feels better when i wrap my arm around my chest and squeeze?", "description": "age: 24  sex: female  height: 5'4  weight: average  race: white  duration of complaint: on & off the last week  location (geographic and on body): chest, mostly on my last few ribs on both sides but often worse in the slightly to the right of the centre.   any existing relevant medical issues (if any): i have a history of blood clots (1) and consistent problems with my lungs. recurrent chest infections, pleurisy.   current medications (if any): none  i'm currently experiencing a weird feeling in my chest. i wouldn't really call it fullness or tightness although there is discomfort definitely and an occasional bit of pain, similar to period cramps in how they feel. it relieves the discomfort a bit if i wrap my arm across my chest and squeeze down.   i've also been having small sharp pains in my fingertips randomly and my eyes have occasionally stopped focusing on whatever i'm looking at. ", "answer": "hm. do you know why you have suffered from blood clots before? where have you had these clots?   do you have shortness of breath? if so, it might be an urgent matter.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5vcl8y", "comment_id": "5vcl8y"}, {"question": "nsfw--normal or bipolar psychosis?", "description": "ive experienced bipolar psychosis before and am on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic. im having sex for the first time. i get so befuddled building up to it, i literally confuse reality and fiction--i confuse reality with like details from a book i'm reading or am not sure where i am (while in my aptartment). i've never heard of it being that extremely disorienting and i can't find it on google. is that in the range of normal, or should i make an appt with a pdoc bc my hormones are messing with my medication?", "answer": "when in doubt, visit your doctor. ", "topic": "bipolarreddit", "post_id": "2qh13s", "comment_id": "2qh13s"}, {"question": "first time i've been depressed", "description": "so as university progresses in my 2nd year, me living off campus, i'm getting more and more depressed.  i have financial issues, family members that have had severe medical problems, discontent in my course choices, my long distance relationship girlfriend is being as supportive as she can but i feel like i keep bringing her down and i don't know what to do.  today is the first time in my life i've had suicidal thoughts and no motivation. i used to play violin for hours everyday, i'm a musician, i used to go to the gym every other day to keep healthy, i used to play games for fun. everything seems like a chore, even cooking, i often won't eat until 11pm, it's already around 520 and i haven't eaten anything today.  i'm just depressed and the usual activities i do to cope with it, i've lost all motivation for. i just feel like laying in my bed all day, to rot, because i'm worthless. and i feel like doing self harm, but i know it won't help me at all", "answer": "sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time: sounds like your depression has really sapped out your interest and energy for the things you enjoy in life.   you say that you are in your 2nd year of university, and that's great! having the motivation to go study what you enjoy is a strength you have, as well as having what seems like a plethora of enjoyable and healthy hobbies.   does your university have a counseling center? now seems like the best time to reach out for some support. additionally, most university counseling centers offer their services absolutely free (you pay for it with your tuition), so there's a bit of a load off your financial back.  being depressed for the first time can be really scary, especially if it doesn't resolve itself on it's own. often times you blame yourself, and it becomes a cycle of increasing feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of energy. now is the best time for you to reach out.   hoping the best for you :)", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "5114e4", "comment_id": "5114e4"}, {"question": "long term otc sleeping pill abuse and psychological side effects", "description": "i apologize that this is long, but i really need some advice.   hello, i've never posted here so i'm not sure if i have to include my information for this, but just in case.. i am a 5'3\" female, i weigh 120 pounds, i'm 22 years old and i'm white.   so, for the past ~17 months i have been taking otc sleeping pills every single night. i'd taken them on and off for a few years, but never to the extent i am now.   in january 2016 i had a traumatic experience that caused me to have such awful nightmares and pretty much refused to sleep and did everything i could to be awake. well, this went on for three weeks and i was getting a max of 1 hour a night of sleep if i was lucky. obviously, this interfered with my life. for example, i went to take an exam for a class i was in and could not even comprehend the questions, it was like i couldn't read.   i finally decided that was enough so i bought zzzquil. it was amazing and i started taking it every night. well, eventually i got to the point where one large bottle of zzzqui would last two nights because i would just drink so much to get to sleep. i then moved on the sleeping pills. now here i am taking anywhere from 3-12 benadryl or tylenol pm every single night. 3 pills is a good day for me, but that rarely happens.   before someone says to just take melatonin, i've tried. i have tried to quit the otc sleeping pills for melatonin but it won't work for me.   what i am wondering is, what are the effects of long term otc sleeping pill abuse? how can i stop doing this, because i don't want to do this forever.   also, i should add, every single night my sleeping pills make me feel just completely out of it. my vision becomes blurry, i hear and see things, and i'm unable to hold a coherent conversation. this all goes away when i wake up (besides the sleeping pill hang over) but recently, i started having audio and visual hallucination during the day time. and not where you think maybe you heard something in the distance, mine are very clear and loud and the hallucinations look very real, as well.   thank you, in advance. ", "answer": "you're overdoing antihistamines to a toxic level, you need to cut down before you suffer the more serious side effects including irregular heart rhythms or seizures.  it might be a better idea to deal with the traumatic experience (through psychiatry, psychology, or counselling services) that has led to your predicament.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "69xcgw", "comment_id": "69xcgw"}, {"question": "survived a wedding yesterday!", "description": "first wedding i\u2019ve been to where i didn\u2019t drink. it was difficult, but i made it through. just focusing on staying present, dancing, and people watching made it a bit easier.  day 15 :)", "answer": "well done. i've been there. its not easy. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94paij", "comment_id": "94paij"}, {"question": "friend is in a psych ward. will visit but don't know what to say.", "description": "a friend of mine is a refugee. his application for asylum got denied and he turned suicidal from desperation and ended up in a local psych ward. i'll visit him today, but i really don't know what to say to him. i've talked to a few people i know, who have more knowledge on the legal side of things, but they said there's nothing i could do. so basically, my friend is suicidal because he has to go back to a warzone, he has no family left and none of his friends here can help him. i need advice because i don't know what to say, but i really want to be there for him in his desperation. i have pretty horrible social skills as well, so that's great,  too...   tldr friend will be forced to return to his homecountry, turned suicidal because of it,  i want to help but don't know how.  ", "answer": "be natural as if you were anywhere. your good intuition will guide you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wcgz0", "comment_id": "6wcgz0"}, {"question": "is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/m/180cm/64kg  hello, so i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. otherwise i've been to lots of doctors, since i've had various symptoms my whole life, even though nothing really has been diagnosed. i'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. also i think i'm a hypochondriac.  now to get to the current stuff. i feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. when walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. while standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. on pe, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. holter ecg was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. i have right bundle branch block, which they say is  nothing. can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? do i need stress ecg? now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. i realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. when it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately. for the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. i have poor posture so could some of this have to do with the spine? should i do a head mri?  just to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder. i've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, i've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. sometimes i only feel one thump, but sometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (i've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). if the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :p for the last few days i've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason. last thing, just a while ago i've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. it's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. should i get it checked? (i always find something to worry about). i've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. crp was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5. liver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, ldh isoensymes, asma, hstsh, t3, t4, feritine, tibc, cortisol - normal. basically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.  i know this is a mess but i have so much going on. i don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. i'm mostly worried about the occasional fast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... i just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. appreciate any reply.", "answer": "cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. try www.moodgym.org (computerised cbt - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "5veer6"}, {"question": "when you haven't done something for several years and you realize why. [tw] self harm. poetic? [tw-self harm].", "description": "last night i was having a tough time.  when i say tough time, i mean checking bus shedules. not to ride away, but to step off the curb.  i was used to my depression and emptyness.  i can normally supress my self hate through my medication.  a little booze if needed.  but it just was not working.  i opened my desk drawer as usual and saw my razor blades.    usually i feel repulsed by them, but tonight was different.  i held them, then put them back away.  not tonight i said.  i'm not that weak.     then held them again, and decided who was working for me? tonight.  i tried to put it back away, but as soon as i opened my drawer to put it away, i saw myself make a quick stab at my arm.  i was instantly discusted and ran from my room.  i hid in the bathroom as if nothing happened.  surely if i hid here, nobody would ever know.  i did it.  i broke my several year streak.  i hated myself.  yet...i felt better than i could ever recall.  i felt lighter than my 180lbs and smiled.  smiled and a tear of joy ran down my cheek.   my arm ached. but it was overcast by my joy.  this.  this was why we could not be friends.  this was why i removed this wonferful yet awful escape from my life.  this was why this \"friend\" had to stay in its cage.  while still smiling with joy and in tears i looked at my prior scars.  it was mere minutes before i was in a pool of tears filled with shame.  i felt again.  but at what cost?  i felt joy and hope.  but now i was filled with hate.  now i wanted to lay in bed and never wake.  now i wanted to bring my friend out again.    only.... we are not friends.  friends help each other.  this was not help.  this is why we cannot be \"friends\" and you must remain in your cage.  signed yours truly.  rangerrickr.", "answer": "sometimes we need a reminder as to why we don't let certain friends come around. they are manipulative and out for their own self interest and only want you to feel as it feels. you didn't break anything, your resolve was strengthened and showed you are stronger than its grip", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "3ale8s", "comment_id": "3ale8s"}, {"question": "is it normal to feel like this?", "description": "every time my boyfriend says something about another girls looks, it kind of makes me feel insecure and it's not like me to feel like this. i'm a very attractive women and i get complimented a lot but he just has a way of making me feel insecure.  he says things like \"i'd bang her\" or \"she's so hot\" or \"i like girls with this type of body or hairstyle\" and i'll be the complete opposite. usually it didnt bother me but it has started to over time. i usually just brush it off but its been getting to me latley. we have had a past and i felt like i was his second choice before and sometimes i feel like i'm not good enough for him. and come on ladies, no girl ever wants to hear how good looking her boyfriend thinks another woman is.     so i don't know, i kind of just wanted to vent because i dont want to bring it up to him because he'll probably just think i'm being crazy. maybe it's just my ego feeding into these negative thoughts and i hate it. so any advice would help. tell me i'm not the only one feeling like this lol.   thanks for reading :) ", "answer": "he's crass and immature to talk like that", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wxjky", "comment_id": "6wxjky"}, {"question": "[16/m] how do i go about not hurting either girl[16(for both)]", "description": "so i asked a girl out, she said no. so then after the better part of 9 months have been spent on this girl, i move on to another girl, who seems to like me. now, the first girl is showing signs of interest in me.  **i still like her. how do i proceed without hurting either girl?**  i don't want to just all of a sudden drop the second girl and go back to the first one, because i don't want her to feel as if i were just leading her on. besides, she's a foreign exchange student who doesn't have many friends here, and i'm not sure if she'll come back next school year.  however, i also don't want to just ignore the first girl, because this chance may not come again. also, my family likes the first girl and we know her family more than the second.  **tl;dr** i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with the strings of love and family tugging from every angle.", "answer": "the first girl only likes the ego boost you give her. she's interested now because she senses you will no longer be fawning all over her. run.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "15khjq", "comment_id": "15khjq"}, {"question": "important question for everyone", "description": "judging by my research, most of the posts of depressed people who complain about lack of social skills and being unemployed in their mid or late 20s have to do with their social isolation - after finishing university they sit at home hopelessly wasting their lives (good if they also read books and study something, bad if they only play video games and watch porn), then they come to the point that it's important to do something - they start posting on forums like this and for depressed people, seeing that life is not that bad after all and they can still change everything, earn good wages and build a family (if they want to) in the future provided that they have a wish to occupy themselves with something healthy like working (job).  now the whole point of the thread - question - how do these people start working if (also judging by my research) nobody hires you with bad social skills, nobody gives you a chance?  but on the contrary i see that people with bad social skills also manage to find jobs - even in sales - , plus there are a lot of professional degree requiring jobs for people with not-so-good social skills (just google jobs for introverts): all jobs in it, economists, analysts, actuaries, engineers, scientists, etc.  if it's true then there's something wrong with my research, it means that people with bad social skills can also find jobs and that's the answer to my question, otherwise if they finished both school and university and got no more places to socialize and increase one's social skills except at work (where they can't get hired) then they failed in life and it's pretty much over for them.  ", "answer": "you're pretty spot on with most of what you're saying here.  good job.     to answer your question of \"how do these people start working if nobody hires you with bad social skills?\"   well you basically answered your own question.  there are plenty of jobs that are not dependent on having great social skills.  basically any job that has more to do with creating something material, working on projects independently that don't require much social interaction.  with jobs like these employers are more interested in skills, knowledge, and experience.  while good social skills are always sought after, it's not a higher priority in some professions.   one more thing to keep in mind.  there is a very big difference between not having good social skills and having very bad social skills.  someone lacking good social skills may be anxious in conversations and expressing themselves verbally, communicating effectively while working on team projects vs someone with bad social skills who are frequently insulting people or making racist/misogynistic/homophobic/etc. remarks or flying off the handle and yelling at bosses or colleagues.  doing things that would reflect poorly on the company's image.  in most cases, you're not going to get hired if you show signs of poor social skills because it's not worth the risk to the company.     fortunately, i don't think the majority of the people fall into the extreme of poor social skills but rather the former of lacking good social skills.  many people lacking social skills often have issues with social anxiety which  tricks them into thinking it'll be impossible for them to be hired.  that way they don't have to face their anxiety and go on interviews or deal with the anxiety working a job creates.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8plpec", "comment_id": "8plpec"}, {"question": "risk of seratonin syndrome with these two anti anxiety meds?", "description": "age: 22 sex: female height: 5'8\" weight: 130 lbs race: white duration of complaint: a couple months location: naperville illinois any existing medical issues: anxiety and digestive issues current medications: nortel birth control and 40 mg prozac  hi, i've been on prozac for probably about ten years. a few months ago, my doctor prescribed me 5 mg of buspirone to take a couple times a day as needed. i didn't start it right when she prescribed it because i had a very rigorous internship at the time and couldn't afford to be drowsy or suffer any side effects. since then, i've scared myself out of taking it after reading online about the possibility of seratonin syndrome. i've seen websites that say you should never take the two together but my doctor didn't even mention the risk. does this dosage combination sound ok? thanks!", "answer": "the combination is used routinely. i can find a case report of buspirone and fluoxetine *maybe* causing serotonin syndrome, but it's rare enough that a single case was worthy of publication.  i have seen patients taking twice as much prozac, more than twice as much buspirone, and still be fine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b8dd0b", "comment_id": "b8dd0b"}, {"question": "does anyone else actually have (almost) no friends?", "description": "it's hard to not feel worthless when you really don't have any \"social value\" to anyone. trying to reach out to old \"friends\" but they ignore me \ud83d\ude1e texting someone about my depression and she ignores me too \ud83d\ude2d don't even get me started on the many times i've tried asking people to hang out", "answer": "maybe try getting out there and making new friends.   volunteering is a great way to start.  but i feel you.  i o my have a few close friends left and don\u2019t see them often enough.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9mr217", "comment_id": "9mr217"}, {"question": "is therapy useful for treating feeling no emotion?", "description": "i've seen a few therapists and it seems like they focus on helping people with not feeling sad or anxious, but my problem is that i don't feel anything at all, no happiness, no sadness, no stress. i just feel nothing. the therapists i've seen don't really seem to understand me, they still treat me as if i still feel anxious or sad. is it even possible for therapy still help with this?", "answer": "that's a pretty common issue, even if not \"no emotion \" many people only seem to feel anger and happiness. this is a major theme in anger , abuse and general men's therapy work.   there are lots of tools and techniques that are useful for identifying emotion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3vv1", "comment_id": "ho3vv1"}, {"question": "strip clubs are a deal-breaker for me (25f). am i being unfair/controlling to my bf (25m) of 6 years?", "description": "i have been with my so for 6 years and we're both 25. he hasn't expressed any desire to go, but the topic came up recently because of his brother's second wedding and possible bachelor party.   i don't want to control him, and i don't want him to miss out on bachelor parties especially if it's his siblings/close friends. i know going to strip clubs is the norm, but it really bothers me. sex is a big part of our relationship, and i can't imagine feeling the same way about him if i knew he had just gone to a strip club and received lap dances/touched another woman/etc.  i know it's possible to go and not get a lapdance, but with alcohol involved, it's never going to be a guarantee. i don't know what i should do. i guess it's hypothetically speaking at this point as he hasn't even been invited to one yet. but he has brought up that if he was invited to a bacherlor's party and they ended up at a strip club, it's clearly out of his control. but i just know that if he did go, i wouldn't feel the same way about him afterward. i'm not really sure if this is something that can be compromised because i want him to enjoy bachelor parties but it's impossible for me to be ok with it if strippers are involved.", "answer": "you either trust him or you don't", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ybpt4", "comment_id": "6ybpt4"}, {"question": "6 months of sobriety - starting my life over again @ 31 years old", "description": "i am a 31 year old male living in the okanagan and want to share my story, the good, bad and gruesome. this account is a throw-away for obvious reasons as i  am going to share something extremely personal and something i had hoped would never come to light, hopefully this will help someone stay sober as the  results of extreme binge drinking will become evident here. i am using a vpn and tor to upload these pictures to protect my future from my past.         never imagined it would be possible for me to get to 6 months of sobriety, i had resigned to being an alcoholic and thought if i could just drink myself to  death i would not have to deal with any of the repercussions. i worked up in northeastern bc on the alberta boarder my entire life, the oil boom made sure i  was never wanting for work. three years ago my drinking was out of control but i could function, i ended up getting a 3rd dui after sitting in my car in the  parking lot of a bar laying out rails of cocaine, i wasn't done drinking but i knew i would get cut off soon if i didn't have some resemblence of a human  being. i drove a old peice of shit car miled out and never maintained, it was unreliable. i had a \"jump\" battery pack i used in place of the actual battery  as the alternator failed to produce enough power to keep the vehicle charged, or i had a drain. i had chalked up two lines on my center console before a  undercover pulled infront of me and lit up. i quickly brushed the cocaine onto the floor and threw the baggies i had in the passanger footwell (it was a  rolling garbage can, shit all over) i got picked up with \"due care and control\" of being in a running vehicle.       after this i couldn't make it to work anymore  and conseqently lost my job, seeing as cocaine was so cheap and i was a responsible adult i had virtually no money left. this halted my drinking but i  started to get chest pains so i went to the doctor and was advised to cut back on the drink then quit. what he said scared me enough it worked, for 113 days  i was sober. during that short stint i got a job, was praised for my work ethic and made real progress. i worked at a bchydro substation for three months,  subcontracted out as a equipment operator.  i met a old oldboy welder named norm f. who i still think to this day was sent by my higher power, his hands  we're gnarled and unlike anything i had ever seen, he said he welded for years without gloves. we got to talking and got on the subject of sobriety, he told  me his story of being an alcoholic, losing his wife and kids with his fasination for the bottom of a royal reserve whiskey bottle. in the short amount of  time i had known him i found him to be genuine and kind almost to a fault. he was an aa sponcer and suggested i go to a meeting or two, i agreed but secretly  thought i had it under control thus i never followed through.   he had convinced me to go back to school and pick up a trade, natually i went with welding as i  enjoy building things. during school my life was going so well and it held so much promise that i figured it would not hurt to reward myself after my first  week with a 6 pack, as you can guess over the following 7 months of school it became routine again. i ended up completeing my course with an average test  score of 93%, would of been higher if some of the questions were not wrong. after school i got a job at a welding/fab shop in my town, 90% of welding is  fabrication and fit, not something they teach you in school so the learning curve was massive. i started at 18$ an hour (average starting wage for around  here) and was promised a 2$ raise in a few months, i worked with a short,insecure and aggresive shop forman who would shittalk the employees to the boss on a  regular basis.      i found this to be routine and ignored it as common workplace practice for him. over the following 10 months of working there i had my welding  machines fucked with and my fabrication jobs very vague in detail. small mistakes became end of the world scenario's, by this time i was drinking everyday  after work, 12 beers of strong beer or more. would come in the morning and reek like booze but never noticed, my jobs started to entitle less  welding/fabrication and more gathering and cutting material, cleaning and the like. my raise was continiously put off for months on end.       one day me and  another student from my class who was working there went out to a shut down rig with the owner of the welding company to do some welding. soon as we got there i was  told by the owner \"you are not getting a raise yet\", oblivious to the reasoning and again rather than welding i was brought to do 90% of the prep work for  the other employee. i had left a tool in the snow and got chewed out by the boss for this,  how other people would get fired for this at other shops etc, during the ass chewing and jerks back, rails me in the face with his fist and falls flat on his ass. he appologies profusely, he slipped on a rig mat under the snow (metal with snow =  slippery). so needless to say i had a very shitty day, went home and drank till i blacked out, called in to work saying i was \"sick\" and was told not to come  back, he will call when i can come back. after a week or so of drinking everyday till i blacked out i had twisted the story into a full out assualt in my  mind and he was the enemy and it was law (i dont know about this) that you had to give a raise after 6 months.        i got a phonecall and came in, a new guy had  started and i just ended it right then and there. said i quit, he was pleased and quickly wrote my hours down in my log book and stamped it. during this time  my car had completely ceased to work and had cracked something to the point oil was on the headers. i had no way to get to work even if i had work, thank god  i lived 5 blocks from the liquor store, i floated on what i had left and drank for a solid 3-4 months before i went looking for work. first place i went to  was another welding/fab shop and was hired right off the bat no need to check references. (oil boom, yay!)      i was tested out in the fab shop with yet another,  small bitter angry old man with the same name as my last shop forman, this guy was a raging alcoholic. he rode me trying to belittle me as much as possible  as not to \"outshine him\" i guess, he lacked any welding tickets. after a few altercations he gave me space and respect, from there i was given more responsibility and outside service for the first time. learning curve was steep, i had rig tool pushes (rig formans) yelling at me constantly because i was  charged out at 140$ an hour. this created a very stressful environment and consequently more alcohol, i was always on call for this job since rigs run 24  hours a day. i would get calls from my boss (who was a great guy to work for) but be too shitfaced to pick up and do what i know he was calling me to do.      this went on for about 4-5 months before my drinking became all consuming, i was always sick...  i feigned of all things stomach cancer. and got him to lay me off, i got my  welfare/ei cheques and started drinking constantly. for almost 8 months i drank till i blacked out, and passed out on my mattress in my shitty trailer with  my shitty life. grief, remorse and failure consumed me and made me isolate avoiding family and being visibly angry at the presence of anyone i never expected. my shitbox trailer became a shameful sanctuary away from the hateful world which i refused to participate in, it was falling apart around me and i never gave a shit because it didn't matter. i had a 60oz bottle of vodka in the freezer and maceroni and cheese, it was a good day today and thats how i  lived, tunnel vision.      during my 8 months of drinking i had burned through all the employment insurance time i was allotted and stopped paying bills (like land  tax/home insurance/medical/pad rent/morgage, i paid for internet, electricity and utilities) it came to the point that i had to pay or get evicted. my father  came in and co-signed in the morgage and linked our accounts. my main account was overdrafted $-1200.00 at this point and i had bills to pay. at first i put my  fathers account into overdraft just enough to cover the pad rent/morgage while i looked for work, i talked myself into needing a few drinks to loosen up  before calling about a job. i started again, and decided to drink myself to death and during this time i had maxxed out my fathers account. he only noticed when the bank called him about a $-2,974.00 overdraft on his account.      this was just in the beginning of december last year, i was confronted about the massive overdraft and the results we're  admitting i had a drinking problem and to seek help. i tried stopping but got sick, i tried cutting back but it didn't work anymore i couldn't control myself, a week later i was asked if i wanted to ride with my father and go 1100km south to have christmas with my mother. i was reluctant at first knowing it  would be very tough but i figured maybe i could stop for two weeks and then tough it out again when i get back and get it \"under control\" i agreed.      december 18th the day before we leave i figured this was going to be it, so i will drink all i have left and then sleep 90% of the way there. i drank a 40oz bottle of alberta pure vodka and  blacked out early afternoon, in the morning my father pulled up in his white dodge and knocked on my door. i wake up angry because i am confused, i see him and remember. he doesn't say a word after looking at me through the window of the door, and walks back to his truck. i do my morning blitz/routine and put on my shoes to follow, i get in the truck and pass out again thinking 20 seconds of mouthwash (that i swallowed) would mask any evidence of last nights activity.     i brought no clothes  or presents with me because it never even occured to me through the haze. my father said nothing about it and we left with me sleeping in the passenger seat,  i had no idea at the time that this was actually a rescue mission. i woke up about 5-6 hours later half way there and realised my mistake, but never said  anything. my old man just happened to turn off the highway to get a coffee shortly after i woke up.       we arrived at my mothers and was greeted with outstreched  arms, the first few days i got sick then better. we talked about my drinking problem and i laid out my plan which would have never worked, she asked me to stay 1 month and go to a rehab program. i balked at the idea internally, i figured i just needed a 2 week break to get ontop of it. i was planning on turning it down and going back up north with my old man when he returned.       then i got a call from a very close family friend around my age, he got addicted to  fentynal (opiate) and was doing a 9 month rehab program that he was 2 months into. i had seen him shortly before when he was in the hospital for a 2nd  attempt at taking his own life. a husk of a human, broken and dead, but over the phone i could physically feel his relief and enthusiasm it was like he was  sending positive energy through the phone and it changed how i was feeling. we talked for some time and he convinced me to stay and accept effectively saving my life. i went through rehab down here, went to aa meetings and was blown away with the kindness and understanding of these perfect strangers, i could see  myself in everyone's story.      i stayed down here for 3 months before i headed back up north, but this time it was to gather my belongings and clean out my  trailer for sale. when i got within 100km of my old home town i felt the old familiar weight, when i got back to my trailer and [saw how i was living it was  a mindfuck.](WEBLINK) how could i feel this is all i deserved? how was i ok with this? i started cleaning everything out, 3-4 truckloads of  shit hauled away before i had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. i could not handle looking back on my previous life, i could not disassociate it  with myself and i couldn't understand how i never saw it or chose to ignore it.       i have been down here for 187 days now and i have got back my life back, i  have sent out dozens of resumes however with no references for obvious reasons, i only got one call back for a fabricator position and i had a trial period in which i was never welding nor fabricating, just monkey/labour work. never got a call back, so i guess they got two days of free labour. i just returned from my old  home town after signing the papers to put it up for sale however the oil slump will effectively leave me with nothing, but good riddance. my life is on the  up and up, i am looking forward to finding work and earning enough to start a small one person business in the not-so-distant future. i have hope now,  something which i forgot about and to live life without it again is unthinkable to me.      i know there is going to be someone out there that will see this and  think only about the differences between us, but i ask that you stop and count the differences and the similarities. which had the bigger number? you might never go down as fast as i did but make no mistake, we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful.   tl:dr lost job #1 got sober, went to school got a trade, started drinking again, spiraled out of control, lost job #2. lost job #3. drank harder, stole from family. drank more. went to mothers for the holidays. got a new life for christmas. ", "answer": "the seriousness of addiction cannot be overstated. it is life or death. for as long as you live the most important thing that you do will be to decide to not drink today. for someone with alcoholism marihuana is just as dangerous because it can lower your defense against the first drink. similarly anything that could possibly lead to drinking must be conferenced with trusted advisors. overtime if you develop a commonsensical way of life you will go days and weeks without thinking of drinking. developing friendships with other sober alcoholics in aa and helping others get sober will give you insight into what you have gained by not drinking.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3b1lsf", "comment_id": "3b1lsf"}, {"question": "can't tell if shes ignoring me or just busy", "description": "so i met this woman through a friend of mine and the first time we met we clicked, end up talking and dancing with her all night. i get her number and we go out and it goes amazing, next time i saw the friend who i met her through and he was telling me how much she enjoyed our time together, we go out a couple of more time each one seemimg better than the last, we have plans for a 4th date and a couple of days before she calls me up and says she has to cancel (shes a lawyer and had a big case and was super busy) a week goes by and i didn't hear from her so i figured we were done, i then get a call from her saying that the trial is over and she really wants to see me again we make a date and go hiking everything seemed to be great she wanted to hold hands while we walk and evne said that she feels incredibly comfortable with me and that it suprised her how fast we got to this point. we continued talking regularly after that and on our next date we go to a movie, again she always wantes to hold hands as we walked and pretty much spent the entire movie cuddling with me, driving her home she brings up the fact that my birthday is in a month and that we should do something, then starts asking me about my schedule for the rest of the week so on a wednesday we make plans for friday i said that i'd like to cook her dinner and she gets a little giggily and say no man has ever done that for her, i kissed her goodnight and headed home (we started kissing on the 2nd date and it seemed like we escalated that everytime we saw each other after no sex but more contact) she even asked me to let her know when i got home. so the day of the date comes and i get a morning text from her saying verbatim \"hey im not gonna be able to do tonight\" and that was it all i texted back was \"ok\" i called her a 5 days later agter not hearing from her she didnt pick up i left a message just saying \"hey its b just seeing how you are\" that was 3 days ago. she had told me that she has a race soon i was gonna text her the day after and ask how the race went but don't know if i should or should i just leave it be a see if she ever gets back to me", "answer": "the ball is in her court. keep living your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f10v1", "comment_id": "6f10v1"}, {"question": "[29/f] with [36/f]--infidelity issues?", "description": "i literally have no one i can talk to about this. my fiance and i have been together for 3 years. we got engaged in december. last august, i found out that he had naked pictures of a girl from his hometown in his phone. i also learned that a month before i moved in, he had hired a prostitute who had come to the apartment that we now share, on the bed we now sleep in. when i confronted him, he sobbed and bowed and scraped and begged me to stay, and i did, because i love him and i know he's a good guy. things were good for awhile, but this past week, i found more pictures of girls in his phone: apparently he's belonged to one of those sugar daddy websites since two months after i moved in and has been visiting it regularly and has been messaging with a few different girls. also, his search history on his computer and phone are just hundreds of pages of prostitutes in our area. i don't know if he's actually done anything, but this is pretty bad, right? i know i need to confront him, i know exactly what to say, i have the evidence ready...but i don't know if i should leave. is it worth leaving if i can't prove sex? he's my whole life, sadly enough. i moved to another country for him, left my family, my friends, and made a new life here. i don't know if i can start over again. looking for advice. please be brutal; i need brutal. thanks.", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of two things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s5817", "comment_id": "5s5817"}, {"question": "stuck in a relationship, unhappy and unable to break up [27/m]", "description": "we've been together for 4 years now, living together for 3 years (she's 25/f, i'm 27/m). i never had strong feelings for her, never worked for it, never tried really hard, never made big romantic gestures or anything. she fell in love with me and kinda stayed there without demanding much from me. living together happened very casually, too. we never talked about our feelings or anything. i never said i love her. being a kind, gentle and selfless person she is, she just stayed beside me, never demanding much in return.   we tried to break up a few weeks ago. i was gradually pushing her away and trying to gently suggest we should maybe break up. i never had the balls to actually say this directly, but she picked up the clues.  but, after a single day i jumped right back into the relationship. after being together for so long it just felt wrong, i was miserable. i cried like a fucking baby. we both did.  i took this misery as a signal that we shouldn't be breaking up. i took it as a sign that maybe the right thing is to stay together and try to fix this. i now realize that maybe i couldn't handle the negative emotions typical for a breakup and got cold feet about the whole thing. i was happy for a day to see things get normal again and see her smile, but then went back to being unhappy and utterly confused.  i.. don't think i have a specific question. i just wanted to get this out and see what happens. any advice is appreciated.", "answer": "no contact. like a healing scab that itches. can't scratch it off and start over. one month of cold turkey/no contact and you're in the clear.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xzfvc", "comment_id": "6xzfvc"}, {"question": "engaged 6 years- can't get him to pull the trigger", "description": "my (35f) fianc\u00e9e (42m) and i have been engaged for 6 years- and i am finally getting antsy about getting married this past year. originally we put it off because of family drama, and we were constantly busy with major life changes (moves, jobs, ill family). now i just want it to be done- i don't care about a wedding, just a small ceremony with just us or 1-2 people where we can take pictures. he's been on the fence, for a while he didn't want to get married, now when prompted he says \"we probably need to.\" he says that in his head we've already been married, he calls me his wife, he wears a ring. but then says there's no need to get married unless we are going to have kids.   we just finished a tropical vacation that would have been perfect for an elopement. i brought it up twice, but didn't want to push. he says later he didn't realize i was really serious.   i'm tired of this. i want to have kids, i'm getting older. i have a great job, he doesn't have to work as long as i am working, and i plan to keep working. he's a stay at home kinda guy, already taking care of the house, and i don't think he wants to work.  i want to be with him and i don't want to do the ultimatum thing, but i'm starting to resent that i feel like i might have to.   advice please? what do i need to do, or what am i not seeing?", "answer": "my rule of thumb::  after a year, if it's a forever rel., then get engaged and set a marriage date within a year tops.  if someone won't do that, and you want do, then you must question their sense of commitment.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vy672", "comment_id": "5vy672"}, {"question": "stigma", "description": "so i been noticing that people see people with bpd as this horrible person who's abusive and violent or lack of remorse? umm wth? not all people with bpd are even close to what you describe us. this is just people generalizing a group of people. i have bpd i've never in my life have done any drugs, alcohol,smoke nor done violent crimes. i am a very caring,friendly person. i love to laugh be around animals and such. overall i'm just a normal person like everyone one else. i do not like to see this spread of misinformation by people who aren't actual psychologist or psychiatrist. ", "answer": "borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "9a4wph", "comment_id": "9a4wph"}, {"question": "update about mood swings + has anyone taken prozac?", "description": "a couple of people wanted me to update about my [previous post](WEBLINK) so here goes.  i didn't get a concrete answer about the cyclothymia, and i didn't ask because i didn't want to misdirect the psychiatrist. my general \"low\" disposition has also been around since i was 13 or 14, so she thinks it could be dysthymia. she didn't really mention the \"high\" periods so... idk i guess she just didn't think it was a big deal. not much of an update, sorry guys :(  anyway, i'm taking 10mg of prozac per day for 2 weeks, after which we'll do a review and she'll adjust or switch the medication accordingly. she thinks it'll help me think less negatively. dae have experience with prozac? thank you!", "answer": "the prozac levels me out a bit.  it doesn't fix everything by any means, and lexapro might have helped more, but i think it's worth it. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "48wu7g", "comment_id": "48wu7g"}, {"question": "21f with psychiatric/cognitive issues and severe fatigue/physical symptoms", "description": "i have successfully managed mental health issues for several years now, but have been experiencing other symptoms recently; below is a timeline of everything. i'm not sure if all of those things are related, but i believe they might be.  **always:**  *digestion:* constipation.  **13 years ago (age 8):**  *mood:* depression and ocd.  **10 years ago (age 11):**  *sleep:* can't sleep most nights without prescriptions and sometimes still can't even with them.  *mood:* intense anger in response to specific sounds (misophonia).  *eyes:* sensitive to light.  **2 years ago (age 19):**  *fatigue:* tired and dizzy; usually need to lie down because i can't hold my head up. my brain feels heavy and sticky, like it's coated in syrup, especially after eating any food or taking pills/vitamins. it's hard to focus and follow detailed directions.  **a few months ago:**  *eyes:* i feel the compulsion to blink a lot, and sometimes when i blink with too much pressure, a random part of my face feels shooting pain for several seconds.  *muscles:* always feels like i'm recovering from a strenuous workout when i move, especially in my legs; the muscles feel heavy and sticky like my brain. my feet occasionally go numb and get pins and needles. sometimes it's difficult to stand without bending my knees.  *bladder:* sudden urge to go right when i'm about to fall asleep.  *digestion:* stool is often in one piece.  *jerks:* knees, arms, and chest flex suddenly; my mouth opens and my tongue sticks out. often after meals and in response to changes in sound, light, or movement.  i am 5'3 and 105 pounds. i take pristiq for depression/ocd, seroquel for sleep, synthroid for hypothyroidism, and a multivitamin. i don't drink or do recreational drugs.  within the past two years, i've seen a primary care doctor, psychiatrist, gastroenterologist, endocrinologist, and neurologist. they gave me numerous blood tests, an mri, and test for seizures, but only found that i have hypothyroidism; my thyroid levels are now normal with the synthroid.  thank you for reading my long post; i will appreciate your input.", "answer": "any trauma history of personal significance?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "g8ups9", "comment_id": "g8ups9"}, {"question": "please voice your ethics views for this situation.", "description": "i\u2019m trying to gauge how ethical this situation is.  my friend\u2019s mom passed away last september after fighting cancer for 3 years. their parents were happily married for 29+ years and had 4 children, all of which are 22+ years old. their dad\u2019s been having a rough time since her death. he\u2019s always been an emotionally reserved person but in past few months has opened with his children, voicing his grief and how much he misses their mom, even saying how catching covid-19 wouldn\u2019t be so bad because he could be with his wife again.  to the surprise of the family, he very recently announced that he's seeing a woman. this woman is an acquaintance of the family, and a licensed grief counselor in our state who just finished their masters degree. she is \u201chelping him through his grief\u201d and wants to have one on one sessions with his children. their mother wasn\u2019t fond of this woman and suspected that she was attracted to the dad. this whole situation is rubbing me the wrong way. their dad is a very christian man and was incredibly devoted to his wife, but is in a very vulnerable and lonely state.  it feels like she is using her title and training as a grief counselor to take advantage of a very vulnerable man.   is this wrong? the whole situation feels incredibly unethical but i would like the views of her fellow counselors/psychologists", "answer": "i don't know the grief counselor code of ethics . however,  the apa code says that people cannot have a sexual relationship with a client or the direct relative of a client .  now , if she is offering support as his girlfriend and using her skills and training , that may not be a direct violation.  if there is an actual therapeutic relationship,  it is probably outright unethical.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gs4t62", "comment_id": "gs4t62"}, {"question": "[25/m] confused and concerned about regression in long term relationship with [25/f]", "description": "for context, i have been with my girlfriend for just over 6 years now after we met at university in the uk. we lived together in our final year (when we had been together for two years). we subsequently had 6 months about 3 hours (distance) apart when i moved home to look for a new job, and i then moved back about 40 minutes away (we would have potentially moved in together at this point but it didn't work with flat contracts/terms etc., and it was not quite right for commuting).   that was all completely fine, and our relationship has worked for the last few years. because it was so little distance and i drive, we have been able to see each other every weekend and often on weeknights. this was a little frustrating as it was one sided with me travelling to her a lot more regularly than the other way round, but it worked okay and i accepted it.     i had been looking (and interviewed) for positions that resolved the commuting problem recently and we often talked about sorting out moving in together again. i have been keen to push the latter as i've felt a bit frustrated that our friends seem to have all progressed to this (our friends who have met at uni have either  moved in together or married, and i'm not saying i'd expect or want the latter yet  but it's a considerable difference).   then all of a sudden, she was promoted at work and she has moved two and a half hours away (the role required location). i'm pretty mad about it, because she accepted it without speaking to me and when i challenged her on it she said we were both driven, needed to pursue careers etc and she just thought i would understand. it is quite a small promotion and although i'm pleased for her, she could have easily found work on similar money where we were based. one extra frustration is that we are both very easy going, and this hasn't progressed to a proper row or anything. really she just apologised and said we would make it work.   i'm now worried that two months in  it *isn't* really working. i feel like i'm making the extra effort i was making before, but it's further. i feel a bit undervalued and taken for granted, and that  the relationship is drifting. because we are seeing each other a bit less (not weekdays etc.) it feels like another regression on top of the previous one where we weren't living together. i'm also a touch worried (only a little) about how it's going when we visit. we're having less sex, which although partly borne out of not seeing other as much (i get that) she doesn't seem so bothered when i visit (say i haven't seen her for two weeks and come down for a weekend, we'll have sex once and she'll reject further advances which very rarely happened before). otherwise though, our relationship is pretty healthy when we are together and we're both happy. our friends wouldn't expect there was a problem at all and i still love her to bits. i'm still worried though and the whole thing has made me less happy.    i want to fight for it as this is something we have built for a long time and i'm not sure whether i should really make it so we properly argue it out, which we have never done. i'm scared i'm going to find out she doesn't want to fight for our relationship.   the obvious solution would be to move towards her when my current job's contract ends (not for 6 mths).  i could do that, but it feels a bit weak on my part and what's to stop her moving again? the industry i work in is also heavily based where i live, and it feels like it would be sacrificing *my* career if i then did that.   i think i'm asking for advice on how i can feel better about the situation, if i should really have it out with her (i'm scared where that will lead), if i should be moving etc. i can't get my head right at the moment. thanks in advance.  **tl;dr** my girlfriend and i used to live together, we sacrificed this for work with the intention of moving in together again down the line but instead she has moved further away and we are now going to be a medium distance couple despite being together for 6 years.", "answer": "hard to maintain, but true love overcomes anything", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wr4bw", "comment_id": "6wr4bw"}, {"question": "need input from a parent who has lost a kid.", "description": "preface: not looking for \"don't do it, this (insert bullshit reason) is enough to keep you going\" responses. please save those for someone who isn't lost. i really just....well, title.  long story short (which, if need really be, can be elaborated via pm's) is that this is going to happen, i just need to know how long i need to wait.  i have a selfish reason that is keeping me going 'till around august-september. it is at this time that i will reassess and see if another month will be tolerable or not.  **my question comes in here.** how hard was it for you when you lost your child? i ask because my decision kinda rides on how my parents will take it, seeing as they're the main reason i'm still here. i'd like to not hurt them any more than necessary, but i know i'm dragging them down with me the longer i continue.  so essentially it comes down to: right now, after my selfish deadline, or (hopefully not, but if necessary) after they croak?", "answer": "the best answer i can give, really fucking hard.  it fucks you up like few things possibly could. you question everything you've ever thought about. it makes you think you failed as a parent and your kid hated you/did not trust you. it makes you think as if you deserved to lose your kid because you had been such a failure as a parent. ", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "659v7s", "comment_id": "659v7s"}, {"question": "i (f,19) have been in an incredibly confusing \"relationship\" with this guy (m,33) for 6 months.", "description": "this is an incredibly long story but i have no one else in the world to tell it to, and i need someone who knows both sides (for the most part) of this horrible story. i'm genuinely going to try to remember every detail and i appreciate anyone who reads through it. if you're sensitive to drug use please don't read this :(    i'm 19. the man this story is about is 33 and we'll call him nick just so it's easier to understand. we met last december at a gas station we both worked at. at the time, we were both in relationships and i thought nothing of him, really. we were pretty good friends and i thought he was cool, but that's as far as it went. well, fast forward to this march/april; both of us split from our partners. he'd been seeing her for 4 years on and off and i'd been in a committed relationship with mine for 2 and a half years. so, middle of april, we started talking a bit more. i thought he was super funny, and just an all around cool person to be around. we started hanging out a little bit, i had a bonfire and some beers at his house with him and a few friends and it was cool, i was making new friends and having a good time. then, one night, he asked me if i wanted to come over after work (we worked the same shift) for some beers, just the two of us. so i was like, sure, why not. so, we bought some alcohol and i met him at his house and we drank. and talked. for hours. this is important cause right here is kinda the turning point for everything, i think. that night me and him talked for so long about everything in our lives. i don't even know how to explain it, but it's hard for me to connect with people and i felt such a serious genuine connection with him in the short time that i'd been hanging out with him and it just hit me. i had feelings for him. well, that night, we ended up getting kinda way drunk, we had sex, and i stayed the night at his house. that was the first of many.    after this night we got super close. we talked all the time, and i guess i took it in the wrong way. at work we would eat lunch together, we'd hang out at his house all the time, and we did drugs together all the time. yeah. i can't remember when that started, but he asked me if i wanted to do some pills with him while we were hanging out once, so, well, i did. and i never went back from it. we started doing drugs together just about every single day. we'd get high before work, during work, after work. but since we were doing that we ended up spending a lot of time together.     around may, i sort of told him i had feelings for him and he sort of told me too. that's what's so confusing about all of this. he acts like he likes me. we had a good time together even when were just hanging around drinking or getting high. i spent the night with him a lot. he always invited me to his parties and what not. pretty much all through may-june and the beginning of july this is what we did. we were together all the time. i used to visit him on his lunch breaks, i was at his house everyday, he used to call me in the mornings or before bed, we were just always together. he was the person i went to when something awesome or bad happened. the person i always told everything to at the end of the day. the person i trusted and quite literally the person i loved. once and a while i would kinda try to bring it up to him that i had feelings for him. he usually just would respond with something like \"yeah i have feelings for you but i just don't want a relationship. let's just keep doing what we're doing.\" it was weird. he'd tell me he loved me every time i left his house and always gave me a kiss. it felt like we were together.. but.. we weren't.     well, sometime in the middle of july (or the end, i can't remember) i had sex with someone else. at this point he was just kinda ignoring me, not really giving me any attention and not acting like we were ever going to be together. i was upset and sick of it and the only thought i had was, well, if i have sex with someone else and he cares.. i guess he cares. so i did, i told him a few days later, and he didn't really say much about it. so i figured that was kinda it, nothing would ever happen between us.  fast forward a few days after i told nick about the guy i get a call from him. i was on my way to see the dude i hooked up with and he flipped out. like i'd never really seen him care about anything before, but was crying and everything. he was crying on the phone, he said \"i don't understand how you could go f*ck someone else if you say you love me,\" and stuff like that. and i was bawling. i apologized, told him i loved him, and went to his house instead. he told me it hurt him cause he did have feelings for me, and i just tried to explain that i did, i just didn't feel like he did and was trying to not waste my time/move on. (you have to understand at this point he would ignore me for days and only hit me up if i had drugs. there's tons of little things that happened those past few months that he did to me that were just.. bad. i just don't have time to type it all out and no one wants to read all that. but it was just kinda my breaking point.) so, we just kinda made an agreement that we wouldn't see other people. i swear to you, i said \"just tell me that we're kind of together, and i wont even talk to anyone else.\" and he said, \"yeah, i guess we kinda are.\" he kissed me and i went home and that was that.   after that happened, i ended up writing a letter to him telling him how in love with him i was. he just told me he loved me too and the way i felt about him made him feel really good. at this point i genuinely believed he had feelings for me.    so august-september were pretty okay honestly. we kept in touch a lot and we stopped doing drugs as hardcore as we used to. we hung out sober sometimes and i still saw him a lot. he ignored me sometimes but i just kinda came to terms with it and accepted that i'd just have to let him treat me badly until he was ready. strange, i know, but i thought someday it would get better, honestly. he was a pretty nice dude most of the time. sometimes he got mad at me and sometimes he talked shit about me but i just... didn't care.    okay, almost done. the most recent thing that happened. i went on a trip about 3 hours from where i live for 5 days at the end of september. we kept in touch, he told me to let him know when i got there, call me when i could, relationship type stuff. we talked every day then i left early so i could see him. i went and picked us up some drugs then went to his house. everything was pretty much normal. well, i went up to our old work and saw some old friends and told them i was still kinda seeing nick and what not and my friend goes \"you know he f*cked two girls while you were downstate, right?\" well. no. i didn't. so i freaked out, i cried and i've been feeling horrible ever since that happened. today is the first day i've talked to nick since i found out, and i brought it up to him.    i told him it hurt my feelings and that i loved him and that i just wanted to know what was going on. he said, \"i shouldn't have told anyone, it would've been better if you never found out. then we wouldn't be having this conversation.\" like no sh*t he did not care that i was crying and hurt. all i said was, \"i just want to know if you love me.\" and he said \"yeah, i do love you. it was just a mistake.\" he told me he loved me, kissed me and i left. now, i'm sitting here with absolutely no idea what is going on or how to feel.    things i want to clear up; first off, i know it's horrible that he only hung around me when we were getting high. i know that's terrible but i really thought underneath it all he cared a little bit. he's been an on/off addict for 7 years so i don't know. i just figured that's how he was, i guess. second, he really did tell me that he had feeling for me on multiple occasions and he really truly did act like he loved me or at least cared for me. he told me he loved me all the time, like, all the time. third, i'm fully aware that he's probably using me and he doesn't care all that much. fourth, i genuinely do feel like i am in love with him and i have tried to move on but i can't seem to. please just don't call me an idiot or anything, i know i am, it's just hard for me to feel real feelings for people and i felt it with him.    part of me wants to wait. i want to wait for us to get clean and get help and change ourselves and finally end up together. i think we could be good together and we could help each other. but... maybe not. part of me thinks that'll never happen and we'll be stuck in this endless cycle of him ignoring me then popping back up and telling me he loves me. part of me wants to get clean and drop him completely and change my whole life around.     so i guess what i'm asking here is a few things. does/did he ever really have feelings for me? should i stick around and wait for things to get better? should i just stop talking to him completely and move on? what is even going on?     tl;dr been in a weird \"relationship\" with a drug addict for a few months and i'm in love and lost.", "answer": "being in love with a drug addict is a recipe for disaster i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77a5fn", "comment_id": "77a5fn"}, {"question": "i just had to call a crisis line on my boyfriend", "description": "this is the third time in two months that he had to be taken away by the police to the hospital.       first time he cut his wrist (was in the state hospital for about three weeks) - second time he got mad at me for trying to force him to take his meds he hadn't taken in three days went for a walk and took his clothes off in a construction site.(he was only out for three days) they kept him for about five. he came home last night and said this was going to be his last night alive. that he was going to die tonight and was acting erratic again.       he thinks \"demigods\" are after him, going to kill him, and there's nothing he can do to stop them. i don't know what to do. i can't seem to handle him and nothing will make him take his medicine when he gets out of the hospital. has anyone had any experience with this?   am i handling it incorrectly? i called before he actually did anything to attempt to hurt himself because he almost died last time of hyperthermia and i didn't want it to go that far.", "answer": "iop and php might be options, but it sounds like he needs another long term stay and some kind of injectable meds, rather than oral. the most common one is invega sustenna. they give the first shit, then another in two weeks, and then once a month thereafter. it keeps from having to convince someone to take medicine every day. it also sounds like the hospital he's in isn't giving him medicine that is as effective as he needs.       now, about you. protect yourself. physically and emotionally. people with psychotic disorders can be difficult to deal with, and you need to make sure that you keep yourself safe and mentally healthy first. you can't do much for him except be supportive and keep calling crisis, but the fact that you're there and doing that is more than a lot of people have. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1wug3c", "comment_id": "1wug3c"}, {"question": "why does talking about it help?", "description": "this is the question i kept asking myself when told by multiple people that talking about one's problems will help you feel better and resolve them more easily.  i did some research online and, while i found many sites praising the benefits of talking about one's mental health issues or day-to-day troubles, i couldn't find resources explaining exactly why talking helps. i did find one site geared towards councilors that had some information.  if anyone here would add to or comment on this list, i would interested to know more about it:   how does talking help? 1. the main benefit is the opportunity to speak freely about whatever troubles you, to be accepted and listened to properly. few people really listen to us without wanting something in return.what you will be offered is a safe place where someone will attempt to understand what you are going through.  2. putting private thoughts and hidden feelings into words can be a huge relief.openness and safety is very important in counselling and can bring some balance back into your life and create a sense of control.  3. when we want to understand our behaviour, individual psychology can help a great deal. using the counsellor as a guide, you can become more practised in exploring the way you think and feel, gaining more self-awareness.  4. sometimes we just need someone alongside us in our troubles. talking can make us feel less alone when times are hard.  5. receiving feedback from a skilled listener puts difficulties into perspective, so that you can make realistic plans to tackle them. not only will this restore your self esteem and confidence but give you a draft for overcoming problems in the future.  this is the challenge of counselling. it involves our facing making changes in the way we do things and having the courage to do so. it may feel risky at first but it is a way of finding our true selves and discovering our deepest resources.  source: WEBLINK", "answer": "a professional therapist is trained in techniques that help you to process your emotions, retrain your cognitive and behavioral responses, reframe your state of mind, etc. while sometimes talking in and of itself can be cathartic, often it helps to have a trained professional who has tools to assist you reach your goals. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "23mk2k", "comment_id": "23mk2k"}, {"question": "fiancee (ex?) has ptsd and found her cheating on me... don't know what to do...", "description": "my fiancee or ex now was humping a dude in my living room last night. turns out she has been cheating since our daugher died. i imagine that may be a stretch for lenght of time but i know its true for the last few weeks at least. i am devistated and don't know what to think. she has been taking 8 zanex pills by snorting them a day and she is only supposed to orally take 3 a day. she has super bad ptsd and seems to have completely lost her mind. when i caught her it was like talking to a posessed woman. it was scary. i called the police and had her removed. her personality changed from moment to moment. i don't know what to think about this.   how far can someone fall down the rabbit hole before facing their demons such as our daughters death?   i am not to blame for her cheating as i am insanely good to her and her family and all her friends and my friends see how awesome i am to her. not always silly and not always serious. i never suffocated her space or gave her too little attention. i helped her with getting her shit together and just loved her well. the guy she got frisky with is a pill popping ex meth head. she hates crack and meth. i know she is destructing. but how far can it go?  i am scared for her and want to see her better. is there a way i can put her in a institution that can help force her to stick with med plans and such?   also, i am scared for myself in that this massive extra burden will crush me alive. i already have panic attacks and a kid dying and dealing with a fiancee with ptsd is fucking hard. now i got to deal with kicking my ex out my life because i caught her cheating with someone i know she don't give a fuck about?  i know they hurt the ones closest to them but how far does this go? what do i do? i am fucking lost as fuck.", "answer": "wow, it sounds like she is seriously depressed and in self destructive mode.  unless she is imminently suicidal or homicidal you probably can't force her to get hospitalized.   dealing with her sounds stressful though, so i would seek counseling for yourself to see if you can't a) get some emotional healing going with a professional b) talk with a professional who may have experience helping people like your wife.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "12cr6e", "comment_id": "12cr6e"}, {"question": "heads been feeling weird for about 3 months. now prescribed lexapro?", "description": "so long post but bear with me please. 26 hisapnic male 6 feet 220 lb     at the start of november i was playing basketball (i play about 3 times a week for years) and felt a weird feeling in my head that's difficult to explain. not quite dizzy but just not right along with what felt like an elevated hear rate. i went home,  rested  and fell asleep.   i woke up ok the next morning and went to work but soon headed to urgent care because the feeling in my head started again and i got cold and sweaty. had an ekg done bp was fine and so was my glucose level so i got sent home as i soon felt better. that night i had to go to the er because i woke up to what i can only describe as strong waves of that head feeling and i lost sensation on some of my face and arm and i felt like i couldn't swallow anything. got a ct done on my chest to check for blood clots had blood work ran and once again everything seemed fine and i felt better after a couple hours.    i was told to follow up with my gp and take it from there. so my gp immediately thought they were panic attacks and prescribed me xanax to take at night. i took time off work for 2 weeks because of this but the rest and xanax  were not really helping at all (except for sleeping good throughout the night because of the xanax). i would randomly have that feeling in my head throughout the ongoing week and it would just wreck me. i would hug pillows and just close my eyes hoping it would go away. my gp than referred me to a neurologist to get his opinion and he ordered a ct of my head done and took me off of the xanax as he said he didnt think i needed it, and once again everything came out fine with the ct.           over that time i started feeling better but would still  get that sensation in my head although not as strong (although now accompanied by tiny headaches on my temple). my gp than put me on 10 mg of propranolol to try out and i basically took that for a month and a half and honestly i don't feel like it made a difference.       now its january and i'm tired of feeling like this and in this latest followup with my gp he says he thinks its anxiety/depression and prescribed me 10 mg lexapro but i dont feel like i'm depressed or anxious? i'm honestly hesitant on taking the lexapro but i'm willing to give it a shot as i'm just fed up with not feeling normal.  i'm just wondering if it's normal to be prescribed lexapro for something like this?  ", "answer": "i think it reflects the fact that it's not clear what's going on. escitalopram is a reasonable choice of drug to manage your reported symptoms, but id certainly keep an open mind about what is actually going on.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5p0tso", "comment_id": "5p0tso"}, {"question": "my boyfriend [19m] and i [19f] have been together for over three years. he's an atheist and i'm christian, the longer we date the bigger of a problem it becomes. does anyone know if we can make it work?", "description": "we start dating in high school and i think we both figured it wouldn't go anywhere so religious differences wouldn't be important. but as time went on, we obviously got more serious. we both love a good debate, and religion would get brought up and it always ended with me being very offended.  he always wondered how someone \"so smart could believe something so archaic\"  well we put religion aside, saying we would talk about it when it became an issue. well now here we are, occasionally imaging our future together, and it's getting really complicated.   if we stay together, he wants religion to have no part in our wedding, our house, or in our potential children's lives. i've tried to come up with compromises. maybe we get married by a pastor but not in a church? and maybe there can be an absolute minimal reference to anything religious in the ceremony? and in our home, i wouldn't seek out religious decorations, of course. but what about things i already own, with sentimental value. like a painting with the lyrics to \"amazing grace\" on it that my grandma bought me? or a little cross from my godparents? he suggested i have a \"religion room\" for these things, where it's only for me and anything religious does not leave the room because he doesn't want it in his house. and if we had kids. i've said i wouldn't make them go to church, they'd be welcome if they wanted. but i'd love them to be baptized. and he says no to that. he says no to any reference to religion. i cannot tell the hypothetical children anything about religion, or god, or jesus, things that are all so important to me. he says i cannot brainwash the children. i just don't know how you can compromise on exposing a child to a religion but also not, in his words, \"brainwashing\" them.   and today, in the conversation that prompted this post, he told me he doesn't, and will never, respect my religion. am i overreacting for thinking that's a big deal? cn you have a successful relationship if one of the people disrespects a fundamental part of the other's identity?  our relationship is really great other than this, which is why we avoided the issue so long, and now it just seems massive. i really hope someone out there has some kind of advice. is there a compromise we might be missing? some perspective for one or both of us? we both really want it to work out but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can.   and please, if you have any negative opinions about my religion, please save your time. i've a lot about what an idiot i am for believing it. how small minded and naive i must be. so please only contribute if it's actual advise about the relationship.   tl;dr boyfriend and i have been together three years and are starting to legitimately talk about our future together. he's and atheist, i'm a christian, and we've so far been unable to come up ugh compromises for how we live a life together. any help?", "answer": "it won't work if your respective beliefs are the most important thing in the world to you.  anything below 'the most important thing' improves your chances commensurately", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5puirz", "comment_id": "5puirz"}, {"question": "did our paediatrician breach confidentiality? 2nd repost", "description": "   this happened yesterday. i went to see my daughter's  paediatrician about a sensitive issue. my daughter was with me and i told her i wanted to have a private talk with the doc. she wanted to know what it was about, agreed on a couple off-limits topics, and she agreed that she would be embarrassed to be in the room.  i had my talk with the doctor, beginning with an explanation about why i sent my daughter out. the topic was definitely a sensitive one for my daughter. something she is very ashamed of and doesn't want to get help with. doc and i agreed on a game plan and brought my daughter in for the rest of the appointment.  after examining her the doc said to my daughter \"i am your doctor and everything you tell me is confidential. i dont tell anyone what you say to me unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, or someone is hurting you. but your mom is not my patient and i can talk about what she said, and i am going to tell you that your mom is very worried about you. she told me about... \" he got into every detail of what i said - and that isnt relevant here. my daughter got incredibly upset, as did i. she was devastated at having to talk to a relative stranger about her darkest issues. doc did not expect her response and apologised profusely for not asking my permission to share our conversation.  in the long run, it is better to get stuff out in the open. i get that, and i live by it. i am queen of tmi. my family refers to me as 'earthy' because i over share. but my daughter isnt like me. she likes her privacy and i want to respect that. on the other hand, the issue needs addressing. did the doc breach confidentiality by sharing my private convo without my permission?  2nd repost with more required information. because apparently the bot needs to know everything.  me: female. 40s caucasion. north american descent. 5'3\". non smoker.  daughter: female. 11yrs.  european/north american descent.  123lbs. 5ft. multiple allergies requiring an epi-pen. non smoker. no daily medications.  possible discalcula or dyslexia (investigating).  ", "answer": "i think there's an argument to be made that the doctor did the wrong thing, but he did not breach privacy laws or professional ethics. your daughter is his patient and is the one he owes confidentiality. he doesn't owe it to you. with adult patients there are doctors who argue that they *must* report any calls, conversations, or information given by outside sources, whether or not the doctor then acts on the information any further.  the difference here is that your daughter is a child. i'm not expert enough on the rules of pediatrics, although i know they're different. i still don't think the doctor was in the wrong, except in that it may have been distressing to you and your daughter for no gain. but that's a botched conversation, not an inherently wrong approach.  all that said, i'm not convinced i have this one right. it sounds like a bad situation in the end regardless of intentions or laws, and i hope he learned something and does better in the future, but it still probably makes things awkward between the two of you, and also between each of you and the doctor.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "99ohbn", "comment_id": "99ohbn"}, {"question": "sleeping pills vs chinese medicine/acupuncture for insomnia", "description": "i am a 21 y/o male, 140 pounds, relatively healthy. one week ago, i developed a need to manually breathe because it seems like my automatic breathing wasn\u2019t kicking in. because of this, i can\u2019t go to sleep because i\u2019m manually breathing in bed, and when i try to forget about it, it\u2019s like my body doesn\u2019t breathe. my doctor perscribed me 10 mg propranolol for anxiety and 50 mg trazodone for sleeping. i\u2019m willing to try this, as i haven\u2019t gotten any sleep for the last week and am exhausted.  however, my chinese mom is very rooted in traditional chinese medicine, and took me to a herbalist/acupuncturist who gave me some chinese medicine  and acupuncture for insomnia.  i am under the impression that chinese herbs don\u2019t work and the acupuncture is just a placebo effect. my mom is very worried about side effects from my medication; so i have a few questions.   what are the side effects of the mediciations i was perscribed by my traditional doctor? i was told that they are mild. also, does traditional chinese medicine and acupuncture work? i\u2019m convinced i\u2019m just wasting my time. can i take both the herbs and the medications?", "answer": "propranolol isn\u2019t a great medication for long-term anxiety, not because it has serious side effects, but because it works better for episodic anxiety (like performance or public speaking) than constant.  trazodone isn\u2019t a sleeping pill. it\u2019s a medication that happens to be sedating, so it gets used off label for sleep. the common side effect is, unsurprisingly, being sleepy, including for longer than you\u2019d like.  there\u2019s no evidence to support acupuncture or traditional chinese medicine here. for chinese herbs specifically i advise an abundance of caution because i\u2019ve had patients think they\u2019re taking one thing and get something entirely different, including toxic and dangerous contents. there\u2019s no regulation or safety control.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "edvx5a", "comment_id": "edvx5a"}, {"question": "long term relationships", "description": "i'm a [23m] and i'm wondering how to make a lasting relationship. my longest relationship was a year and a half. i've had many fwbs and dates, but i want something serious for the long term, what advice can anyone give me? ", "answer": "if you want a ltr, then go slowly sexually when you meet someone you like.  that way, you both have a chance to build substance and depth without being blinded my raw passion and biological drive.  if you've talked lots and gone on dates for a month or so, then initiate a discussion about your respective feelings.  if you both feel the same way, and want the same thing [an ltr], then you're at a pretty good starting point .", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wklm5", "comment_id": "5wklm5"}, {"question": "i just flushed my stuff", "description": "day two, and i had my mason jar of shake just eyeing me. so i flushed it. flushed my ash tray with roaches.  i know i\u2019m gonna regret this later but today\u2019s day two and i\u2019m making a commitment to quitting. i\u2019ve done it before but this time i can\u2019t replace bud with alcohol. no vices. just me.  god give me strength ", "answer": "it seems god has already given you the strength, my friend. stay strong, we are all proud of you!", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "7sy4su", "comment_id": "7sy4su"}, {"question": "i think i have an elimination disorder that was never treated. is this possible?", "description": "i have been doing a lot of research on this topic, and i cannot seem to find anything relevant, but i think i have an elimination disorder that was never treated. is this even possible?     i have had these issues since i was about 10 years old, but it was relatively infrequent (enough to cause stress for me, but i hid it often from my family who was always working).  i have always had urgency issues and i the only thing that makes me think that there is an elimination disorder is because i would also get very upset and void in my closet also, which wasn't an accident unlike the other instances.  these issues progressively worsened into high school (urgency/not making it and also dealing with anger/negative emotions that way occasionally) and have become out of control as an adult (obviously just urgency/not making it now).  i have been to a doctor, and i also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (i have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence).  i have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.     i have been to a doctor, who gave me a diagnosis suggested medication (i waited until i was over 18 due to confidentiality) and i also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (i have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence).  i have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.  i would like to treat this to feel better, but as i am not sure what the cause is, thus i am not sure if i should address this medically or in therapy.  ​  thanks for the feedback, like i said, i haven't been able to find literature on this in adulthood, so i figured i would give it a shot here.", "answer": "hi   i definitely suggest going back to your physician to develop a plan. a combination of physical and  psychological issues could be the cause . because there is a physical component , it is important to start there.  if a patient came to me to deal with the psychological aspect,  i would insist on coordinating with a physician,  or at least reviewing records, to fully understand the extend of the medical condition.    another reason to discuss this with your physician is because your doctor may be able to recommend an experienced therapist in this area.  good luck .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvnimz", "comment_id": "fvnimz"}, {"question": "mono diagnosis - questions", "description": "hello \u2014 i am an 18 year old male who is currently in college. i have been feeling ill for the past week. my symptoms have mainly been body aches, congestion, feverish chills and sweatiness (especially in sleep), a bad cough, a sore throat with puss spots on my tonsils, and some mild fatigue. the best way i can describe it is: much worse than the common cold, but not as bad as the flu.   after a week of not feeling better and not feeling myself improve at all, i decided to get myself checked out at a clinic here near my campus. i took a strep test which came out negative. the nurse then gave me a mono test via a blood sample and sure enough, i tested positive for mono. she told me this is very common on college campuses, and it can be contracted from sharing utensils and cups in the dining halls, to touching a doorknob that someone sneezed on, or obviously, from kissing.   the only person i\u2019ve kissed here at college is my girlfriend, and she did have mono \u2014 but she had it two years ago. i also read that i was likely infected with the epstein-barr virus like 4-6 weeks ago, which was when i moved into college and was constantly moving around and meeting people in this new environment.   however, so far i haven\u2019t had any spleen or stomach issues (knock on wood), and i haven\u2019t been extremely extremely fatigued yet either. this lead the nurse to believe that i have somewhat of a mild case of mono.   so, after being a week into the symptoms of this sickness, what are the odds that it gets worse before it gets better? how common are spleen complications? should i expect to have nausea and vomiting? what other tips would you give to help treat mono until i heal from it?  thank you in advance for all of your help. ", "answer": "infectious diseases aren't my field, and it's hard to predict the course of a disease. there's often a week or so of feeling almost sick, followed by a week or a few weeks of feeling sick, followed by a few weeks of feeling not completely better. i think there's a good chance that you got lucky and have only mild symptoms. you can just wait it out  spleen issues are most commonly swelling, which you wouldn't notice; splenic rupture  is serious but rare. i still would recommend avoiding vigorous activity or risk of getting hit in the abdomen for a month or so (hopefully you got more specific recommendations from your doctor/nurse).   hopefully you just got a lucky case and you can put your all-but-inevitable mono infection behind you and move on to enjoying college!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9ma3ca", "comment_id": "9ma3ca"}, {"question": "bulimia face", "description": "has anybody here suffered from bulimia face? swollen glands in their neck/throat? i feel like mine is getting worse and worse and my face getting puffier and puffier but i can\u2019t stop purging my food and i cry every time whilst purging cause i know i\u2019m making it worse. does anyone know how long it takes to subside after not purging?", "answer": "swollen glands, purple under the eyes, puffy cheeks  on top of hair falling out, nails breaking, and sore throats  this is not a pretty illness", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "f5nnta", "comment_id": "f5nnta"}, {"question": "men, your thoughts when a girl approaches you while being single.", "description": "when this person shows lots of interest in being with you. starts having sex with you really quick without any effort. start developing a rl with this... no effort to get what you want. she being always there for no reason.  this happened to me. i could never feel in love with her, i knew she was but the rl felt sort of empty to me. again, never in love. but as time passed started developing feelings for her. i  could never connect with this person intellectually since she was sort of empty. i always tried to show her new stuff but no interest... never read a book, never told me her thoughts after watching a movie...  should i feel guilty since there was a long period of time in which she was very commited to me. always checking up on me, being there, loving me... being super jealous from start to finish for no reason. while i just said yes yes yes but never felt love deep love for her.  she left me 3 weeks ago since i noticed she was hiding her cellphone from me. later truth popped, she already had a rl with another person while being w/ me.", "answer": "what advice do you want?  sounds like a thing occurred in your life that wasn't bad and wasn't the best thing. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f13om", "comment_id": "6f13om"}, {"question": "i just took a big first step, but i'm not sure what's next.", "description": "a bit of background first: for as long as i can remember, i've periodically felt heavy, down, sad, and completely unmotivated. through middle and high school i regularly thought about escaping by ending my life. i'd be driving down the street and think about how i could just accelerate and run into that tree up ahead and it'd all be over. i thought leaving my parent's house and going to college would \"fix\" my problem, and it did a little, but i still fell into these down days.   i found that being around other people, especially going out and doing something with them helped a lot and so i asked a few of my friends in the dorms to not leave me out. i've also always had an extremely high libido outside of those down days and sex always pulls me right out of my funk. so, i started sleeping around my freshman year and if i arranged for \"hanging out\" in advance, i always had a fallback if i was having a down day.  by leading with my vagina, i met my current boyfriend. so far, he's been the only person i've told about feeling so low, unmotivated, and trapped/helpless. before i'd just smiled for everyone and pretended everything was ok (although, i think i pretended too well because my parents never even suspected when i could have really used some help and support). shortly after we met, we started hanging out every day and soon my thoughts of suicide faded away. he's tried to be understanding and supportive, but when i suddenly fall into that pit of foggy darkness for no reason at all, he thinks it's his fault. we've talked frequently about me seeking help, but i never knew where to go and talking to new people (especially on the phone to set up appointments) is terrifying.  well, last friday i went to see a therapist. she was really nice and i felt very comfortable talking to her and telling her about my life, but i was in a great mood. we talked a little about my down days, but i have trouble explaining it in words and i feel silly saying i sometimes feel horrendously sad when i'm smiling and feeling good. what if it's like when you take your car in for service or you go to the doctor and can't replicate the issue? how can she help me if she never sees me when i'm broken? i think i'm just still pretty anxious about continuing therapy and i don't know how to calm myself the fuck down.", "answer": "congrats on taking the first step! talking to people (friends, your boyfriend, and your therapist) is all really great for you. the nice thing about therapy is that you don't just go in, show them the problem, and then they fix it. you build a relationship over time. so it's okay for the therapist to see you when you're happy- if for no other reason, so you both know how you'd like to feel more often. it's okay to tell her it feels weird, too. but i bet if you kept going for a little while you'd find yourself sharing some of your down feeling and thought. just give it time.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1izc67", "comment_id": "1izc67"}, {"question": "als connection with (stomach?) hernia", "description": "age:58, weight 80 kilos, caucasian:  my dad got (abdominal hernia), after a year of waiting he went to get it operated. shortwhile after he got this limp when walking .... a year went by, and he was diagnosed for als.  is there a connection with hernia operation and als, or anesthesiology? or any pre-post operation medication?  thank you for any good information  ", "answer": "i have no expertise, but my understanding is that except for a small minority of cases that are inherited, the cause is essentially unknown. any exposures have weak correlation at best, and as far as i've heard surgery and anesthesia haven't even been examined.  this sounds like a very unfortunate coincidence.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8hj697", "comment_id": "8hj697"}, {"question": "gf [24] just told me [m24] that she would say no to my proposal, due to her unhappiness, despite making jokes that i haven\u2019t proposed her yet. should i end the relationship now to save heartache later?", "description": "my girlfriend of 3 years for the past several months has been joking that i have not proposed to her yet, however, based on our conversation last night, she told me that she is not ready to say yes, but with more time, she might be ready for us to take the next step.  we started dating in college, which is 40 minutes away from my home town, while her family is 3 hours away. we live together close to where we went to college, but she just told me that she would move back home or to a new city at any chance that she got, and that if we weren\u2019t dating she would never come back here. i do not want to leave, as the area has everything that i could every want, and that we have just started becoming successful in our careers.  i feel pretty let down considering that i was planning on proposing at the end of the year and that she doesn\u2019t like where we live now, which is where i see our future taking place. to make things worse, she told me that she thinks my friends are childish for hanging out and playing video games or dnd, and that she is bringing up to adulthood when i hang with her friends by going to bars and all (which i love doing as well). she doesn\u2019t understand that these are normal hobbies and that it is also normal for me to have friends that she might not relate to.  i told her that i fully support anything that she wants to do, and that if she wants to move somewhere far and try a completely new career that i would support her since we are still young and don\u2019t have a family. i would not join her in making such a big jump but i would be willing to try to make the relationship work long distance, even though i don\u2019t think it would last.  should i stay with her? she is not satisfied with where she is in life and feels compelled to leave and make a fresh start, while i am content with where i am. we do love and care for each other very much, but this seems like a major compatibility issue. she does bring spontaneity to my life, which i love, but i do not want to give up what i have here.", "answer": "possibly a case of cold feet, which is perfectly normal (therapist here who often does couples counseling). i completely disagree with folks saying \u201cend it\u201d. talk it out, be patient and listen to each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "bldd4u", "comment_id": "bldd4u"}, {"question": "my boyfriend cheated on me. we were planning on getting married. help me reddit.", "description": "i have known my boyfriend for over 10 years. he has been my best friend since 8th grade and has always been a major part of my life. we have gone through quite a bit together and have always been each others rock.we didn't start dating until last year after i had already started college. the distance sometimes put a strain on our relationship and twice he seriously considered ending our relationship because he couldn't handle the distance or wasn't ready for a serious relationship.we have seriously talked about moving in together and getting married in a couple of years. i go to college in a town about 90 minutes away so we only get to see each other once or twice a month. yesterday he told me that he had cheated on my the previous weekend. i am heartbroken. i never thought he could cheat on me, and clearly i was wrong.he was cheated on in a previous relationship so he knows the pain associated with being cheated on. the hardest part is that he lied to me all week and acted perfectly fine. during that weekend while he was hanging out with her, he stopped texting me for over an hour which is very unlike him. and when he does finally text, his excuse is that his phone died. i thought it was a little fishy but i didn't inquire because he had already made me feel bad for not trusting him. later that night i asked about that period of time and he told me that i had nothing to worry about and i was just being silly for thinking something happened. yesterday, almost a week later, when he told me he cheated, and he admitted that he was actually cheating when he said his phone died. the cheating was more than just kissing as he told me items of clothing were removed. i feel like at this point he knew what he was doing and yet did nothing to stop it. so he lied straight to my face even when i brought it up to him. i don't know what to do. i still love him very much but i don't think i can ever trust him the same way again. especially because the girl he cheated with lives 5 minutes away from him. i need your help reddit.  ", "answer": "am i the only one stuck on this line?:  >he stopped texting me for over an hour which is very unlike him.   just. damn.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "qdox5", "comment_id": "qdox5"}, {"question": "friend help.", "description": "this is a story and a question.  i have a friend. starting in junior high, he and i grew to know each other well, same interests, both intelligent, hobbies, values, etc. we went longboarding, spent the nights playing super smash brothers, played and fought, and grew very close. he's probably one of my closest friends. inb4 hate storm- we were both christians. granted, we didn't know a ton about what it truly meant to be a light in a dark world and such, but we tried. he had a bad habit of trashing others' beliefs for the sake of confrontation, and it didn't always go well for him. he would bash on gays and muslims and anything he didn't believe in. building a bad habit. fast forward a couple of years. we are both graduating our senior year of high school, starting our lives, as you will. my friend found out about reddit, and became entrenched in the intellectual pursuits in store here. shortly thereafter, he became and atheist. now hear me: i'm not saying that it is wrong for an individual to change his beliefs, and i'm not here for and argument. he changed. this guys that i've known for around five years now has changed into a very narrow and cruel mindset. i'm not lumping all atheists into this category, but he has turned every conversation into a debate and every topic into a competition. i have not changed my beliefs, and now he takes every oppurtunity to tell me that i am stupid, a fool, unintelligent, gullible, and a bigot. he goes from professional discussion to personal attacks and accusations at the blink of an eye, and it makes me sad.  i want my friend back. i can't even talk to him anymore. he claims to be open minded and tolerant of everything and anything except for, apparently, christianity. now again, i'm not accusing or angry, i'm just sad at the loss of a friend who i love like a brother that i've had through thick and thin since childhood.   and i want to ask you: should belief differences keep us from being friends?", "answer": "i think you should communicate to him that you care about him, deeply value his friendship, and are very hurt and upset by the direction the relationship has gone. ask him for the sake of the friendship to stop discussing religion with you, or bashing your beliefs. if he accepts, then awesome. if he isn't willing to do this, then (sadly) you should move on from him.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1bhlch", "comment_id": "1bhlch"}, {"question": "do you refer to someone in therapy as a \"client\" or a \"patient\"?", "description": "if you are in therapy and your therapist referred to you as a client, how would you feel if they started referring to you as a patient? or if you're called a patient and your therapist started calling you a client, do you think it would make a difference?   and for therapists, would it affect how you view the people that you treat based on whether or not you called them clients or patients? if you call them clients, would it change how you perceive them or how you feel about them if you referred to them as patients and vice versa?", "answer": "west coast us: we use \"client\" in every clinical setting i have worked in. this includes inpatient settings.   i note my location because this is very regional. east coast folks are much more likely to say \"patient\".", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvxqtv", "comment_id": "fvxqtv"}, {"question": "drug test question", "description": "can 5-minute drug screening cups be sent off to a separate lab for further testing? my psych drug tests all his patience to ensure we're taking our prescriptions (i assume it's to weed out the people who are only there to obtain prescriptions to sell.) either way, he uses urine cups that give results in 5 minutes, and always has my results by the time i'm called back to his office as he has the results in from of him.   my question is if he's getting the results in 5 minutes then why is my insurance company being charged $800-$1,200 in lab fees by another company? is he using the 5-minute result and then sending the specimen off for further testing, or is he somehow milking the system? ", "answer": "most good psychs are going to pee test you. totally legit. they do the 5 min test, then send the results to be verified.   yes, part of it is if you arent taking your meds were going to question why, but the other part is making sure you arent withholding information about drug combos that we can kill you on. if you mix opiates or benzos with many psych meds it can be a lethal mix. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6bt9os", "comment_id": "6bt9os"}, {"question": "my live-in [26/m] bf of 4 years is now living paycheck to paycheck while i'm [28/f] living financially stable. should i stick around until he's in a more stable situation?", "description": "since moving to a new city, my bf has been struggling with money. we split most expenses and i've been paying off most of the bills or he just owes me $$ (splitwise helps keep track of how much we owes me). the spark is gone. he's more of a roommate than a boyfriend. i'm worried i'm just sticking around for pity's sake. i feel like i'm in a relationship obstacle or some sort of roadblock. should i stay and hope the spark comes back when he's struggling less with his work and $$ situation or call it good?", "answer": "if the pilot light is off, it won't come back on at this point.if it's flickering, and there's something to build on, and he has the same goals as you and a good plan, then maybe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75y7m8", "comment_id": "75y7m8"}, {"question": "treatment options", "description": "i'm ready to really make this happen for so many reasons. mostly because i know it will eventually kill me just as it did my grandpa and almost my mom (sober for 15 yrs now). i've been struggling big time over the years with sporadic ridiculous booze filled behavior and it seems to be getting worse. always an excuse about how stressed i am from working so much etc etc...  my wife is almost done and this most terrifying thing is loosing her and my son. i already have an ex with a daughter and that relationship has been such a strain on my daughter. furthermore my wife is amazing with her.  i think i've looked at all the best places and la hacienda seems like a great fit but my insurance does not have mental health so i'll be self pay at 30k...  arc sounds scary as fu@k...  nova is three months...  etc etc  but does anyone have any pointers or recommendations. maybe alternatives to treatment and the whole aa thing... hypnotherapy! anything.  feeling like i'm out of options and i don't want to slip back into the routine.  *edit..we live in austin, tx if any one has any specifics.", "answer": "the ranch at dove tree in lubbock is great, had a friend go there.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1a9o2k", "comment_id": "1a9o2k"}, {"question": "kashi cereal", "description": "never been much of a drinker. but i joined this sub because i quit smoking weed and love reading your inspiring stories. i\u2019ve had a particularly rough week as of late, and when i went to grab my midnight snack i saw a bottle staring me down. contemplated. formulated. and decided i would deal with my problems the right way. now i\u2019m eating kashi cereal watching the sopranos.   \u201cright when i thought i would get away.... they pulllled me back in.\u201d not today satan. not today.", "answer": "you get over to r/leaves ?", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fvuzvb", "comment_id": "fvuzvb"}, {"question": "how do you get someone committed when they need to asap but the police or crises centers wont do anything?", "description": "so my sister has been going down hill, she attacked my mom, is accusing her of stealing, accusing her of raping everyone in the house, drugging people. she stalked my mom waiting for her to drive up and ran after her while my mom was driving.     the cops won't do anything and she has an 8 year old son, no one is helping and it's reaching a boiling point, she says her son and husband were kidnapped by her and replaced with clones.     shit is hitting the literal fan and no one can help us.", "answer": "depending on what state you live in (if us), there are some places that offer the ability to petition for forced inpatient treatment/stabilization. call your local clerk of court and see what they say. usually you fill out some forms at the court house, are assigned a court date, and then have to present evidence that the person does indeed need psychiatric care. the judge can then decide whether or not to commit.  if you are afraid for her safety or others, you can call 9-1-1 and request a wellness check out to the house.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "epc2xj", "comment_id": "epc2xj"}, {"question": "should i quit my job or am i being unreasonable?", "description": "since i've started college almost three years ago i've been working as a cashier at a grocery store. it's an incredibly boring job but i'm used to it at this point and the place is almost like a second home to me. then, after competing two years of school, i decided to take a year off because i was very unhappy with my program. because i wanted to be productive during this time i looked for a second job. i applied to dozens of places but because i wanted to stay at the grocery store and it was the only job that would fit into my limited availability i accepted a position at an a&w (fast food).   obviously everyone knows such jobs to be hellish and yet i was not expecting what i saw. it's filthy, the manager was awful and very emotional, the hours are very early so i have to get up at 5 even though i finish my other job at 9 pm the night before and i get rashes all the time from the grease and whatever else. it took some getting adjusted to and i am honestly impressed with myself that i did. i even worked 60+ hour weeks for a while.   i started in september and that was the way things were till january. now it is admittedly a little better. we have a new manager who is very friendly, i work less hours which is good and it is less busy so the job is simpler. i also really like most of the staff here. probably more than at the other job.   however i still constantly think about quitting. the rashes persist and, despite an antibiotic cream, are very hard to deal with. the hours, even though there are less of them, are still incredibly early. the nature of the job is still very unpleasant.   the biggest reason i want to quit though is probably because of how embarrassed i am to be working there. i usually don't tell people about my second job and hate discussing it with friends who do know. my parents both constantly tell me to find another employer and i think they are right. i find myself demotivated by the fact that i am surrounded by uneducated people (or people who have no plans to get educated) despite the fact that i really like them as individuals. i feel very discouraged when i look at some of the jobs that my friends hold, such as in software or engineering firms, and i work in the lowest regarded minimal wage position. i am definitely going back to school in september and yet i cannot shake this insecurity.   so is this at all a valid reason to look for new employment or am i being a child and a shallow, spoiled person? also, how easy or difficult would it be to find something better given my experience?   tl-dr: i work at a fast food place and i am considering quiting simply because i am embarrassed to work there. is that stupid?", "answer": "spoiled is a very judgmental word. you're finding it hard to be grateful for a very difficult and demeaning (to you) job likely because you've never been in a position where it was your only choice. in my mind this makes you like almost everyone else out there.  contrary to popular belief, suffering is relative -- people go on about \"1st world problem,\" because they fail to empathize fully. they can only put themselves in the other person's shoes *knowing what they know* about life -- and cannot see how a situation that would not bother them could be hard for someone else.  a good example is how we tend to romanticize childhood. we notice how little responsibility children have, and imagine how nice it would be for us *as adults* to have so little to do. we forget of course that childhood is fraught with minor trauma -- dropping an ice cream is huge to a child, and their feelings are quite real.  one major difference i can see, however, is that people who are more well off can benefit from a smaller adjustment to regain gratitude, whereas a poor person does not have that luxury.  there is nothing keeping you from switching jobs. perhaps in your new second job you can look back on the a&w and feel grateful you don't have to do that anymore.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "20mday", "comment_id": "20mday"}, {"question": "should i tell my parents about my brothers [17/m] drug use?", "description": "first off, this is partly to help organize my thoughts and to do the right thing, this is a throwaway account just in case my brother happens to see.   tl;dr- i have found out that my brother does drugs in my parents house and i don't know if i should tell my parents.  some background, i am a junior in high school and my older brother is a 17 year old senior with 8 days left in his high school career. he has been accepted to his number one college and is very excited to go there. we live in a nice, wealthy town, in a relatively nice house, my parents both work however my mother has been on long term disability for over a year now and is receiving no pay, all while caring for my severely disabled younger brother. my father does not have a high paying job, and while they have planned ahead by saving money adequately, this situation has caused them both much stress.   i have always been pretty close to my brother and we have gotten along very well, he is a very good person, but he is definitely a follower. his friend group that he has fallen in with the last couple years do drugs, but i never saw that as a problem as he has always been level headed and my parents would flip if anyone of us did drugs. recently i have found out through multiple means that my brother has been taking multiple types of non-prescription pills, vaping (know its not a drug, but my parents would be against it) and smoking marijuana. he doesn't do this stuff outside of my parents house, or any of his friends houses. while i know these drugs aren't very hard like meth and such, i worry for his health and what my parents would do if they find out (possibly cut his college funding they have generously agreed to do).   my brother and i also share some friends, some have told me my brother brags about being \"baked out of his mind\" and \"on some shit\" frequently. i have also been told that every time my brother joins a skype call he is never without his bong (he talks to people daily).   i feel that telling my parents would be the right thing to do, however, he is still a teenager, almost 18 and many people do these types of things, i'm just concerned about the repercussions of his actions either down the road in life, or with my parents. i want to help him, but i also don't want to ruin my relationship with him, if i were to tell my parents i feel that i would be adding much more stress to their lives for something that my brother will probably grow out of.  sorry if this seems like i'm over reacting, but this helped get my thoughts out, and any advice will make me feel like i'm not in this alone.", "answer": "talk to your brother. don't tell your parents unless your brother's health is at stake, which it sounds like is not the case. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bknwf", "comment_id": "6bknwf"}, {"question": "we always talk about regulating the bad feelings...what about regulating the good ones?", "description": "i'm crushing hard on someone who is crushing back, and i can't concentrate on anything except wanting to talk to them and wanting to be around them. it's keeping me from focusing on my work, and making me feel manic in a happy way.  i'm now noticing that i have a really hard time regulating good feelings, too! when something awesome happens to me, it's like everything else goes out the window. i obsess.  i obsess over the things that hurt. to the point where everything goes out the window and i forgo taking care of myself, like an adult.  i obsess over the things that feel good, to the point where everything goes out the window and i forgo taking care of myself, like an adult.  how do we regulate good feelings and tell those happy thoughts to wait a minute so we can be productive??", "answer": "i've learned that i have to be very mindful of how i react. i can react positively just as intense as i can negativity. and that intensity isn't always needed or necessary or appropriate ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "4730n6", "comment_id": "4730n6"}, {"question": "i know i'm not the only one", "description": "not expecting any comments or anything, but today is just one of those days where it really feels like a physical effort to speak, or communicate at all. like, it almost takes more effort than its worth. at least here, i won't be judged for being \"negative\"", "answer": "repeat this to yourself prn: \u201cjust because i think something, that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s true.\u201d", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8tqw0e", "comment_id": "8tqw0e"}, {"question": "i'm almost 30 and i still get envious of others relationships, especially if i'm attracted to one of the partners, it's not healthy but idk how to change my mindset.", "description": "has anyone else struggled with this? i feel very immature and it's holding me back in many ways. if i really hit it off with some girl, i tend to get smitten, and then lightly jealous of her partner. it's like an unhealthy mindset that i'd be a better fit, and i'm constantly looking for things to dislike in the partner.   i know this isn't healthy and i mostly avoid the situation. if a girl and i hit it off and she is in a relationship... i tend to back off and not pursue a friendship. i don't like feeling negative and envious so i pull back. but i'm realizing that this is really not helping me in any real way, girls often have single friends and i could hit it off with them...but the first girl is always in the background of my thoughts. has anyone been like this and what helped change your view?", "answer": "how many friendships do you have, in general? how many of those friendships are with women?  you have to know how to be a good friend before you can be a good partner. a friend wouldn't tear down someone else you know. a friend wouldn't want to control who someone else hangs out with.   you have to be able to accept the other person as... well, their own person, with their own relationships, their own friendships, their own choices in life. they don't owe anything to you, and their behavior is not based around what you want. it's based around what they want. you cannot control anyone's behavior but your own.   i would focus on pursuing your own life, improving your own life, and gaining healthy friendships and socializing, without any expectation of romance. give yourself some time to focus on yourself and interacting with people in a positive, no-expectations sort of way. just accepting people wherever they are and accepting yourself where you are. don't go in to situations trying to hit it off with people. just talk to be friends.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "c5qgrx", "comment_id": "c5qgrx"}, {"question": "is there a difference between being an alcoholic vs an alcoholic of the hopeless variety?", "description": "full-blown alcoholics in the book \"alcoholics anonymous: the big book\" alcoholism is referred to several times as \"a hopeless condition of mind and body.\"  this is not referring to someone who simply has a drinking problem, or on occasion drinks too much, or someone who has developed a mild alcohol use disorder.  it refers to people who are full-blown alcoholics, described by dr. william d. silkworth in the big book:  \"all these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. this phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. it has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. the only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.\"  i wish there was more distinction on how they are classified. is a non hopeless alcoholic just a heavy drinker? is it someone who will become a hopeless alcoholic? if the alcoholic quits drinking before they become hopeless do they \"need\" aa?  so many questions.", "answer": "dr. george vaillant of harvard university was a recognized expert on alcoholism was invited to join aa\u2019s board of trustees as a nonalcoholic member. he was interviewed in aa\u2019s grapevine in the may 2000 issue. in in he said that most alcoholics who recover from alcoholism do so without the help of aa or any other treatment. he said that they accomplish what aa\u2019s do by other means, he said they achieve a profound change in personality.  i\u2019m sober 41 years and i know people who stop drinking on their own and lead useful and happy lives. i couldn\u2019t do it on my own. i think that\u2019s the difference. if you want to join us, you\u2019re free to call yourself a member of aa when you say that you are one of us. hope is one of our guiding principles. if you feel hopeless, we are offering you hope for a complete recovery and a wonderful way of life.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fxixyh", "comment_id": "fxixyh"}, {"question": "back again", "description": "hi friends,  i am afraid that i'm here fulfilling my role as a clich\u00e9d cautionary tale.   i made it over three years without drinking.  until about two years ago.  i got away from meetings because of my struggles with faith and my general cockiness, i guess. i started dating someone who liked to smoke weed, and i slowly started partaking from time-to-time. i went to a bachelorette party summer of 2017, and while i was waiting for a several-hours-delayed flights, i joined my friends in the free wine we were offered. it has been steadily going downhill from there.   as everyone told me would happen, things started \"okay\" and eventually i ended up right where i started when i first sniffed around recovery. my bottom wasn't as bad this time, but the experience and struggles are the same.   i drank all my money. i drank away some of my most important relationships. i don't remember anything that happens to me. i'm a shell. i've blacked out almost every day in 2019. i'm hungover every day. i eat eight times a week, maybe, but i'm still overweight because of all of the calories i take in by beer. i'm have no idea how i feel. i'm behind on every project i've taken on. i've squandered opportunities for the last three years that sober me set up for herself.   i don't have anything of meaning to say, but i have decided i'll go to a meeting tonight and try it out. i'm in a new city now, and apprehensive about what it'll be like, but i figure i'll start out there and commit my intention to not drink today.   thank you for being here and for offering a place that i could come back to.", "answer": "welcome back. your story is very similar to mine. been struggling to get some sober time after relapsing about 2 1/2 years ago. i have a little more than 6 months now, and starting to have more better days then not at this point. it\u2019s tough because i constantly want to feel as good as i did when i had my time. i keep reminding myself to be patient and the old saying \u201cdon\u2019t quit before the miracle happens.\u201d not sure if it will be a miracle, but i have faith that if i stay sober and keep it up, it will get better.  just wanted to give you my experience with it so far. if we hand in there and keep doing the right thing and have some patience, things will get better. wishing you the best. i feel your pain and know how difficult it is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d0km9h", "comment_id": "d0km9h"}, {"question": "have you ever been broken up with by text message?", "description": "or have you ever broken up with someone by text message? and what was your reaction , how did they react? how did you handle it? what other strange ways have you been broken up with or broken up with someone?", "answer": "text, unfortunately, is the preferred mode of communication.  face to face is always better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5klqjb", "comment_id": "5klqjb"}, {"question": "did i fuck up by taking those supplements in combination with paracetamol?", "description": "i am a 21 year old male, around 75kg.   i already was taking vitamin d (2000iu), magnesium (200mg) and zinc (10mg). after a friendly box sparring which turned to be more intensive i was hit twice on my head. after two days of headache i thought i got a concussion. after this i also was taking curcumin from novasol (which reaches the blood brain barrier) (500mg) and fish oil (1,5g). i was taking curcumin one day off and one day on for a period of 10 days. so, not more than 5 capsules. during this period i also took paracetamol because i fell very sick.  but when i stopped taking curcumin and paracetamol strange things happened to me. i got brainzaps. i don't know if this was caused by the anxiety, the concussion i thought i could have or the combination of curcumin with paracetamol.  this was like two months ago, but after that i fell pretty sick, anxious and depressed. the brainzaps went away. i was doing well, until my grandfather passed away and i was waking up during the night with nightmares. after this i got very anxious again and i had muscle spasms/twitches and weird head presssure.   so, my question is: did i fuck up? my problem is that i don't know what caused those weird symptoms? my (health) anxiety, the fact i was hit on my head of the combination of those supplements?  ", "answer": "the meds are not a concern, but maybe seeking advice about your anxiety might be worth your time. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8ahs3d", "comment_id": "8ahs3d"}, {"question": "disabled person looking for a job before grad school (hopefully)", "description": "i\u2019m a 25 year old woman with cerebral palsy. it isn\u2019t severe but it mainly affects my ability to stand for long periods of time, ability to lift heavy things and i get tired more easily. i also have mental health issues but they aren\u2019t really the focus of this post. i have an undergrad ba in children\u2019s studies and am almost done a funded ma in disability studies. i have a teaching assistant job for january to april but it\u2019s only going to pay about 300 a month. i have odsp as well but 99 percent of it goes to rent, sadly. i\u2019m applying to phd programs for fall 2020 but i need a job to help make ends meet until september (if i get into school\u2014 longer if not). any tips?", "answer": "remote/work from home jobs may be an option for you.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "e3jk12", "comment_id": "e3jk12"}, {"question": "how do i make myself emotionally available again?", "description": "my ex (of 2 years) and i broke up over a year ago. i still think about her a lot, likely because of continued contact until a couple months ago or so. while i haven't been involved with anyone in a while, it's only been a couple months i've been working on making myself emotionally available again so that i'm not constantly thinking about her. what would you do to encourage that process? is time the only cure? i'm afraid i'll never feel like i'm not in love with her, do you think that will interfere with future relationships? is the whole point to wait until i don't love her, or is dating again just a part of getting over her? i don't want to set up new relationships to fail by still being into someone else, but i also want to do what's necessary to feel like i won't be distracted.   thank you if you've read this far and have any advice. ", "answer": "very thoughtful post.   if we have nothing in the present, we tend to dwell on the past.  my hunch is that you're mostly past her. i would date, in a slow sort of way, and still go slow when you meet someone. that way, you'll have time to figure out what you're feeling about the present moment and your past love.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tztg1", "comment_id": "5tztg1"}, {"question": "is my[27/f] girlfriend [25/f] expecting too much openness?", "description": "my girlfriend and i have been in a ldr for the past two years. we see each other most weekends as we only live a few hours drive away. she is still at university, about to graduate this summer.  we've had our ups and downs as i guess every couple has. recently, we've been having a lot of fights concerning my anxiety and confidence issues. i am not very comfortable talking about this but have tried to open up more as she's constantly trying to reassure me that she's only trying to help. i feel like she's not giving me any privacy as she always wants to know everything and pressuring me to open up. she has said in the past that if i'm not willing to be completely open and close to her, the relationship has no point but i feel like her definition of being close is giving me no privacy at all.  it's not like i don't ever want to talk to her about my insecurity but i want to figure out what's actually bugging me with the help of a professional rather than her. i don't think she understands this.  am i being unreasonable for wanting to figure things out on my own first instead of with her (which she wants)?  tl;dr: girlfriend keeps pressuring me to talk about my problems, i need time and possibly the help of a professional.", "answer": "everyone is entitled to the privacy of their thoughts. she has to respect that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67iy3v", "comment_id": "67iy3v"}, {"question": "2 years of sobriety yesterday", "description": "i celebrated 2 years of continuous sobriety yesterday, and i revisited this passage in the big book yesterday morning-   \"we were having trouble with\r personal relationships, we couldn\u2019t control our emo-\r tional natures, we were a prey to misery and depres-\r sion, we couldn\u2019t make a living, we had a feeling of\r uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy,\r we couldn\u2019t seem to be of real help to other people\"   i was extremely emotional and sobbing in gratitude realizing how far ive come and that these problems are gone.   extremely grateful to this program for giving me a life", "answer": "the bedeviments. i can relate to being there. congratulations on your two years!!!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bqgacj", "comment_id": "bqgacj"}, {"question": "\"you look like you're done\"", "description": "so, last night...my partner and i went to happy hour at a local steakhouse. this place has the most excellent food and cocktails! anyway, we went...sat at the bar, partner had two cocktails, i stuck with water and we split an enormous steak burger.   at one point in the evening while chatting and enjoying each others company, my partner looks over at me and says:  \"you look like you're done drinking\"...  \"what do you mean?\" i asked.   \"well, you don't even seem bothered anymore when i say let's go to happy hour or by sitting here at the bar while everyone is drinking\"....  to be honest, i had a moment when we were headed to happy hour that i was going to have a drink...but then the moment passed and i didn't even want a drink.  i am not cocky enough to think that i have this thing beat, but i just want to be thankful for this moment where it's not too hard to resist the urge.   i refuse to not enjoy life and that includes happy hours at bars if my friends or family are so inclined to enjoy a couple of beverages and appetizers. i am thankful that at this moment in time i am able to do so without too much struggle.   iwndwyt", "answer": "well done everyone. great to be out and about enjoying your social life. im in ireland... what is la croix...its mentioned regularly... fear of missing out \ud83d\ude03", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8grumc", "comment_id": "8grumc"}, {"question": "i can't seem to find a \"self help\" workbook", "description": "there aren't many out there and the ones i'm finding have less than desirable reviews. i'm frustrated and trying to get better and i'm hoping someone out there might have a good recommendation? ", "answer": "i like calming the emotional storm.    it's dbt lite with very accessible and simple methods. it's not everything but it's a good one to read multiple times. i think other programs like seeking safety and rape recovery manuals do a great job of getting the emotional intensity and desperation accurate.   calming the emotional storm: using dialectical behavior therapy skills to manage your emotions and balance your life WEBLINK  ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "4zfzh7", "comment_id": "4zfzh7"}, {"question": "mothers day is tommorow incase you forgot", "description": "not sure if this post is allowed", "answer": "i didn't forget. but i did think about it fifty times and did nothing about it even though i love the shit out of my mum. i finally called and ordered some delivery flowers with 30 minutes till the close of business", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ggacf0", "comment_id": "ggacf0"}, {"question": "can i continue taking spironolactone while trying to get pregnant? 26f with pcos and acne at full force.", "description": "for example, if i am taking spironolactone and find out i\u2019m pregnant, will it still cause birth defects if i stop taking it immediately after finding out?   i am a 26 year old female and have pcos. i am not a smoker. i am 5\u20192\u201d, 100lbs, pre-diabetic, and located in dallas, tx.   currently i am not on spironolactone but my acne has returned in full force, which is why i\u2019m considering retaking it. i\u2019m married and not on bc, which is the reasoning for possibly getting pregnant.  thank you for your help!", "answer": "i am not an ob/gyn. that said, the recommendation is to avoid spironolactone in pregnancy because of at least theoretical risk to the fetus, particularly a male fetus.  i encourage you to speak to an obstetrician for more detailed information.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cjx1rj", "comment_id": "cjx1rj"}, {"question": "online therapy?", "description": "thank you all so much with your help on my last post. i hope you don't mind that i'm posting twice in the same day. (new to reddit, not sure what annoys people yet).   anyways, i was wondering how do you find a good online therapist? i can't find any decent databases. i would like to find a therapist who works through skype/video calls who i could speak to once a week or more.  ", "answer": "i've done online therapy and phone-based therapy for some time and i find it to be, in many cases, as good or better than ~~face to face~~ in your face therapy.  talkspace, breakthrough and betterhelp, which i have signed up for, haven't been perceived as very good and i haven't worked with them because of what others (like /u/starbuckbunny ) have said.  i do think you will want to work with someone in person after some time, so it's best to find someone local if you can and then use their video therapy for some time, until you want to come see them.  it can be very intimidating to come in to see a therapist in person and i'm impressed that you've found a way to be more comfortable while getting the help you deserve.   another issue with bpd and online work is that of confidentiality, limits of the same and suicidal urges. i think you may find that therapists have a much more rigid boundary for suicidal talk while online or over the phone than they do in person, where they can get a real read for your emotions and intent. having a safe space to talk honestly about your really tough emotions and stuck cognitions is really important and betterhelp or another similar service isn't going to let it go there. even most video-based therapists won't go there i'm guessing.  skype is very good, but not actually allowed due to it not being hipaa compliant, so proceed with this caveat if you work with someone who is using skype.  my take is that if they are using skype they probably are breaking rules in other areas of their practice as well, just as a trend though maybe not a rule.   pm me or reply if you want more specific help getting set up with a local, video-based therapist that does dbt or another emotional disregulation form of therapy. it really sounds like you are already well on your way to getting things set up, so you may not need any more help as much as just encouragement. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "4lxwhd", "comment_id": "4lxwhd"}, {"question": "how i was able to stop", "description": "hi all, i like most of you have been through many battles with alcohol. lately, withdrawal for me has been brutal, the anxiety(especially) , night sweats, crazy dreams meant by day 3 or 4 i was caving and drinking again.  well i have gotten over a personal hurdle, i'm 24 days sober now and just wanted to share what worked for me, maybe it will help somebody else.  i went hard on the supplements and smoothies.  \\- smoothy ( kale, spinach, tons of herbs and spices , lots of blueberries) or herbal teas anything that promotes calming  \\- no caffeine for me.  vitamins/supplements  \\- l-glutamine   \\- mineral drops  \\- vitamin d  \\- probiotics  \\- sisu b calm with rhodiola - this was the game changer for me, after 10 -15 minutes of my first dose, my anxiety dramatically changed. in fact i was on day 3 when i took it and was very close to drinking again, it was a desperate attempt to calm myself. strangely everything improved for me, night sweats were minimal and lasted only one more night, no crazy dreams and anxiety was so much better. i have had many other b-supplements in the past, maybe my absorption wasn't the same for them, but they all had little to no affect on me.  note: its probably much easier if you go to a doctor but i had some personal reasons to not do this.  anyway as i said just posting this info as it may help somebody else, (i know what your going through).  i wish you all the best.", "answer": "wow you have an olympic diet there. where did you source the sisu... supplement? good luck. iwndwyt.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91gtyr", "comment_id": "91gtyr"}, {"question": "72 hour voluntary psych hold - does it go on your record like and involuntary psych hold?", "description": "hey! i\u2019ve been in a really hard place for the past few weeks but i\u2019ve been thinking about checking into a hospital for a 72 psych hold voluntarily before it escalates to a place where i harm myself or i get admitted involuntarily. i know involuntary holds go on your record and will be seen on any background checks (med/law school, buying a gun, teaching license, etc.) and i want to know if the same goes for a voluntary hold. does anyone know? also, if anyone has experience with a 72 hr psych hold, please share. i don\u2019t know anyone one who\u2019s done this and there\u2019s only so many articles i can read in the internet.  tia!", "answer": "hello! therapist who works on a psych inpatient unit here.  voluntary psych admissions are a bit more state specific when it comes to whether it comes up in different types of background checks. some states ask for reporting on it from the hospitals, others don't. the involuntary holds must be reported to the appropriate state agency. so, the general idea is, go in on a voluntary hold and your chances of it messing things up regarding background checks in the future are lessened.  the only real places that can look that information up themselves are places that give out security clearances (so think, the government or military) and specialized vendors who keep databases on these types of things (so gun stores and possibly local police). graduate schools require you to report these types of things on your own, and any professional licenses you try to obtain will ask you to report these things as well. for any of these, however, what they look for is that you are recognizing the severity of your concerns that led you to an inpatient admission in the first place and that you are/have been actively working on them.   psychiatric inpatient admissions experiences vary wildly on the facility and area. it's difficult to give you a fully accurate impression of what you might experience just because so many places do it differently. what i always suggest to look for in terms of an inpatient voluntary admission:  1. does the facility separate voluntary admissions and involuntary admissions? do they place you according to your clinical presentation? facilities that keep voluntary admissions in a particular unit tend to have a lower acuity (that's the severity of the various clinical presentations on the unit). 2. what kind of therapy does the facility offer? is it only groups, or is individual therapy also something they do? i'd recommend you take advantage of as much therapy time as you can. 3. do the staff help clients with case management stuff? that can be helpful if you have some difficulty attaining your basic needs. 4. is there any follow-up after discharge? that can help you transition back into the community or into a step-down level of care.  generally, you will meet with a few therapists, a psychiatrist, and a nurse. you will work together with your treatment team to get you on a treatment regiment, gauge your ability to discharge, and continue working with you to develop insight and prepare you for services after your discharge.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e8g8bi", "comment_id": "e8g8bi"}, {"question": "idiot [29/f] with feelings for someone other than my boyfriend", "description": "i've been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years and we've been fairly happy, besides a few times when he gives me the silent treatment for wearing an outfit he doesn't like or refuses to sleep with me if i get a tattoo (aside from those weird child tantrums he's mature and we get along well). my problem is that over the last 1.5 years i've developed romantic feelings for a former coworker who seems to be a bit more compatible with me. i'm having a tough time getting over it and i'm not even sure i want to.   he's smart and interesting, i feel like we both always learn new things when we talk to each other, and i really enjoy our friendship. i'm pretty sure he was interested in me in the past, i'm not sure if he does anymore. we interact fairly regularly and we're good at just being friends, but i just can't stop thinking about him and how much i like talking to him and hearing what he has to say. everything reminds me of him and i always want to talk to him when something new and exciting happens in my life (but i restrain myself). i don't know many people that i can relate to on a certain level so when i do, i get pretty attached.   i always get fleeting crushes and i'll usually just let myself enjoy them until they pass, and direct the extra sexual energy into my relationship with my boyfriend. it's always worked in the past but i just can't get over this guy, probably because it's more emotional than physical.   what should i do? keep being polite and friendly and hope that my crush will eventually disappear? avoid him until i forget about him (ending our friendship but eliminating the threat to my relationship)? reevaluate my relationship? i feel so guilty for having these feelings when i'm in a relationship and i would never cheat on my boyfriend, but i don't really know what to do.   ", "answer": "i would try to examine your bf relationship. 'new' is always more exciting and alluring than familiar.  people change a lot in their twenties. it is possible that what you need now is diff. than what you needed 6 yrs ago. it's complex. maybe find a good therapist to talk it all out with.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4q3q", "comment_id": "5m4q3q"}, {"question": "can stopping depression meds abruptly kill you?", "description": "this is really just a general question. not sure if this is technically the place for it?? so please remove if not allowed.  gender: female age: 24 medications: reglan, venflaxine, lamotrigine, abilify  i was on facebook and saw an ad for a study on medication for people diagnosed with major depression. i commented and asked if you could still qualify if you had just stopped your medication recently. i was on 150mg of venflaxine and 100mg of lamotrigine and was later prescribed ability. i sort of stopped abruptly. for the lamotrigine i did cut the pill in half and only took half for a week before stopping entirely. the venflaxine i simply stopped taking. i know it wasn\u2019t a good idea to stop like that, in hindsight i guess i wasn\u2019t really thinking. i felt like the medication wasn\u2019t working for me and i was having medical issues at the time that i associated with the medication (which also stopped within a few days of me no longer taking the medication). i was in touch with my psychiatrist about it when i stopped and they didn\u2019t really say much other than suggesting we could send in a lower dose to wean me off the venflaxine instead. but i had already been 2 days without so they didn\u2019t send in the script. they couldn\u2019t really do because i\u2019m in the process of switching to someone else.   when i commented on the ad for the study my comment had a few people respond to it saying not to do just stop because it could kill me? i understand the withdrawal symptoms and i definitely think i\u2019m dealing with those. but kill me? that sounded a bit far fetched to me, but then again, i\u2019m not a doctor so idk. so i\u2019m asking you guys here, can this actually kill me?", "answer": "there are lots of scare-mongers on the internet.  stopping an ssri, snri, or most other antidepressants suddenly wont cause damage. it can be uncomfortable, which has gotten lots of press recently, and venlafaxine is one of the more notoriously unpleasant drugs to stop. but still, not everyone has any problems. if you didn\u2019t, they probably won\u2019t suddenly start.  lamotrigine can be used as an anti-seizure medication as well. there\u2019s at least theoretically higher risk of seizures if you suddenly stop. for most people, the reduction in seizure threshold still doesn\u2019t put them at any risk of seizing.  the biggest problem with stopping these medications is that they won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do. i it sounds like you\u2019ve been unimpressed, you\u2019re looking for a new psychiatrist, and you have a plan to enroll in a study. all of those are fine plans to get hopefully more effective treatment. ideally it would have been done with your old psychiatrist involved from the beginning, but no disasters here.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fd6zpp", "comment_id": "fd6zpp"}, {"question": "i need more friends and more hobbies", "description": "i have mostly class friends but we don't go out places together. i have probably two friends. all i do is homework, reddit, brainstorm my story, journal, read, church or go out to eat. i need a more stimulating life", "answer": "it seems you like reading and writing. what if you checked out your local library and see if they have events or clubs going on? you might be able to join a book club, or listen to some interesting speaker, or attend a game or movie night. if you like you could even look into volunteering, that might give you a regular time where you can interact with new people over a shared activity - i think its a lot easier to meet people that way, with a structured activity and shared interests, rather than just, like, going up to strangers.  trying new things in new places is the best way to meet new people and gain new experiences.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "dn6o8n", "comment_id": "dn6o8n"}, {"question": "my problem with mental health professionals", "description": "ive been to lots of them and they all fall into 2 categories, \"therapists\" who cant give me medicine and have lots of weak advice and \"doctors\" who spend 5 minutes checking off symptoms on the list of drugs they're pushing before sending you to the pharmacy. is there anyone i can go to that will actually listen to me and also give me medicine?", "answer": "jeez what country are you in. as a psychiatrist, i provide up to one hour appointments.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6kw4qj", "comment_id": "6kw4qj"}, {"question": "is she [28/f] playing two guys at the same time? how should i [33/m] handle it?", "description": "i met this girl a while ago. she says she's not ready to date yet because she's coming out of a long relationship. we hang out a lot and have a lot of fun. nothing physical. she says if she were ready to date she would defnitely date me.  i found out she's been hanging out with another guy a lot (that she met before me). when i asked her about him, she said that there could be something between them (potentially) but that it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to date anybody right now.  to me it does matter because it looks like she's playing two guys at the same time while she's waiting to be ready to seriously date. i think it's not fair to me or to him.   am i wrong here? just because she's not commited, she can just start building emotional bonds with as many guys as she wants? how should i handle it?  i actually like her a lot. i can see long term things happening with her.", "answer": "if you're honest about your intentions-- as in don't want a rel.--  you are free to do anything. the other person either lives with it or not.  [one person hits ball--ball in other's court]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5su76k", "comment_id": "5su76k"}, {"question": "[33/m] my girlfriend [26/f] hit me..", "description": "we were on and off one year together, she punched me two times and shoved me against the door once..  i am bigger then her and obviously can control my anger and i know better than to hit her back and face jail time..  we have just broken up and apparently she doesn't feel much real remorse over the violence episodes. we broke up because after the last violent episode, i threatened to call the police and she became a bit paranoid about it, claiming that i want to ruin her life and that i am the cause of her problems..  i gave her three options: go see a psychologist, i call her mother or i call the police..  she said \"call the police, i don't care, and if you want, call my mother but i won't do it\".. she did research a bit to get a psychologist, to which she said: \"i will go get your answers but then i want nothing to do with you, you've made my life a living hell for one year\"..  when the last violent episode happened, i even told her that our relationship would be put on hold , for her to get herself treated.. her remorse lasted about 30 min. she did apologise sincerely for it, though. she never meant to harm me, i know she has a hard time releasing her anger.  i also made it clear that i would support her with the psychologist solution, regardless of the relationship.  i find it incredibly hurtful that she can't truly own up to her mistake and makes me wonder whether she is a sociopath or not..she does not blame me for the violence, but she blames the relationship for bringing it out in her  was i wrong to threaten to call the police?  edit: i didn't call the police, i just threatened her because i saw no other option. i do not condone violence, on any gender.", "answer": "she has huge issues. yes, call the police if she's out of control.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ojy29", "comment_id": "5ojy29"}, {"question": "does my case of social anxiety/insecurity warrant therapy? or am i just making excuses?", "description": "edit on title - what i mean by 'excuses' is just does my situation sound like one where therapy is the right choice? or do i need to just break habits on my own - because social anxiety and insecurity are pretty common. not sure how anyone can answer that, but felt like putting my feelings out there on this.   ​  i'll try to keep this brief, as this is likely a common and/or low-value post to the sub. **i'm wondering if - given my story below - you'd think therapy is worth my time/money, and what kind i should look for. i know nothing about therapy haha.**  ​  i'm a 29 y/o man, and i often feel very troubled/down due to social anxiety and insecurity. i find it extremely hard to take risks/commit - and it feels like i'm just too scared to live life. i think it's driven by my fear of judgement/embarrassment, and it's something i've never been able to overcome.  ​  i have a very loving/supporting family and a good career; but at age 29 i've essentially never dated or felt comfortable meeting new people. i have a decent social life, but it's primarily all of the same friends i've had since high school/college - and i'm not *really* close with anyone of them. i feel like my friend group is what it is because it's been the most convenient.  ​  i'm realizing more and more that despite all the things i have going for me, i'm unhappy. unhappy because i feel inferior, and i've never been able to overcome these fears of mine. the fact that i've never dated as a man in his late 20s is really starting to weigh on me.  ​  **conclusion:** i'm thinking about trying therapy because maybe it'll help me understand why i have these fears, and that may help me overcome them. but i also know social anxiety and insecurity are common things - and seeking therapy may be another excuse im telling myself to procrastinate or avoid getting better on my own.  ​  thanks for reading, any comments/experiences/pieces of advice are appreciated. god bless.", "answer": "i think seeking therapy is kind of the opposite of \u201cmaking another excuse\u201d to be honest with you. it is actually a concrete, courageous action toward making changes in your life. therapy is not just about talking about your problems - it is about finding solutions that work for you and lead to a greater sense of satisfaction in life. social anxiety is fairly common, but that doesn\u2019t mean the way to deal with it is to suck it up or try harder (and of course inevitably beat yourself up for never trying hard enough). it sounds like you\u2019re feeling stuck, and therapy is a great tool to get un-stuck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5z2tc", "comment_id": "c5z2tc"}, {"question": "the worst choice for a best man", "description": "so we've been friends for a decade now. been through a lot, helped each other through the good and the bad. when the time came to settle down and marry our fiances i chose you to be my best man and you chose me to be yours. well, at least one of us made the right choice.   i came up with 3 well-thought out plans for your bachelor party and detailed every step for your approval. you said you didn't want one. fair enough, i respected your wishes. then you turn around and have a bachelor party planned out by a guy you hate. not a big deal. you couldn't care less about planning mine when i asked you to so it ended up being you, myself, and my brother at a restaurant and i was the only one drinking. my brother went home at 4 pm. great job.  i write out this heart-felt best-man speech and tell a 100 people that you're my best friend. i had strangers coming up to me saying it as the greatest best man speech they have ever heard. success! oh, but when my wedding rolls around you just plagiarize my speech from start to finish so that you might garner the same praise. lovely.  both our weddings are over. you tell me about your trip to florida in every last detail for a few hours. pretty cool. i try to tell you about my trip to japan (a life long dream of mine) and you cut me off a few minutes in. i brought you back small batch whiskey from hokkaido and you brought me a glass from a souvenir shop. we never talk about my honeymoon again. awesome.  you fall off the radar for 5 months, not a single peep. i guess this is how it's going to be, kinda sucks. you then pop back up when your wife is pregnant. i help you move from one house to another, planning my vacation around you. i hurt myself during the move. my wife spends hours knitting things for your child. we buy gifts before he's born. i bought you a gift for this christmas. we plan on making you meals during after the baby is born. you turn around and get angry with me over nothing conveniently right after i help you move and don't speak to me since then. fantastic.  now when i look at my wedding photo album i'll always remember that i made the wrong choice. hey pal, eat a dick you urban hick.", "answer": "wow.  just.  jesus.  how the fuck do you plagiarize a speech so shamelessly?          you should save this post, print it, and keep it around for the next time he needs something and wants to be \"friends\" again until he gets it.  i would have walked away after the weddings, but you're a better person than i.  stop that.  don't ever speak to this person again.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1t7168", "comment_id": "1t7168"}, {"question": "issue with last 2 therapists", "description": "i went to 2 therapists for a short time (approx 2-3 months each), mostly because i have problems motivating myself to do basic things and i have a tendency to go into a massive depressive swing every so often.   anyway, i am a naturally closed off person, i talk a lot to other people, but its really hard to get out words when i'm talking about how i feel about something, or what actually matters to me. so i deflect, and lie a little, and pretend everything is fine. like usually the first appointment i'll be honest about why i'm there, but when they followed up at next sessions i'll just say that everything is fine, deflect, and move on. one time i ended up spending about 20 minutes telling the therapist what they can do to fix their computer at home.   the thing is, i got kind of pissed that they never caught on, like they should have held me to account and not get away with that. then when they stopped reminding me to make a follow up appointment, i just stopped going. like the person i'm paying to care doesn't even care to make sure i come back. is this expected behavior, or did i just crap out with my therapists here?", "answer": "out of curiosity, do you think you'd be able to share with a therapist that your m.o. is to be honest in the first session, and then start saying things are fine afterwards? that you need them to hold you accountable? i get what you mean that it'd be preferable for the therapists to sort of catch on themselves and at least call you out for not talking about anything after the first session. there are therapists that will catch on to things like that. but if you really want to try to get help without having to hop around to different therapists, you could try that. if it would be too hard for you to do that though since your tendency is to close off, then i guess the only other option (if you still want therapy) would be to keep shopping around until you find that therapist that's going to catch on and point out that you're not talking about anything. i get how frustrating it is to find the \"right fit.\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "e5izr7", "comment_id": "e5izr7"}, {"question": "doesn't my 89-yr-old mother need some vitamins for energy?", "description": "**\\[f\\]\\[109lbs and 5ft 3in\\]\\[89yrs old\\]\\[nonsmoker\\]** these are my mother's stats, i am asking a question about her. she has *stage 4 copd* \\(since 12\\-16\\) and *heart failure* \\(1\\-14\\). she also has a pacemaker. however, she just got a very good report from her cardiologist \\(3\\-18\\). and she uses brovana and pulmicort in her nebulizer twice a day, and albuterol about 2 or 3 times a day. she does take warfarin, alternating 1 pill and then 2 pills with the days of the week. she takes medicine that i don't know the names for for her thyroid, blood pressure, and one called isosorbide \\(sp??\\) that i can't remember what it's for, i think it helps her pulmonary valves, and a baby asprin. i can't remember what else, but it's not much. she lives in the deep southeastern u.s. in very early 2000, she had surgery to repai*r one leaking heart valve and replace an*other.  she takes naps during the day, and gets anywhere from 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night. but. the **problem is that she says she feels really bad some days, and just has no energy at all.** this has been going on for almost a year. now with her conditions, i can see how that might be a problem sometimes.  but she says it happens a great deal of the time. she doesn't have the greatest diet \\-\\- can't eat a lot of vegetables because of the **vitamin k clashing with the warfarin**. don't you think some vitamins might make her feel a little better? give her a little more energy? i know a multivitamin isn't a good idea \\-\\- it might have vitamin k or something else to work against the blood thinner.  but i would think **vitamin d and b complex \\-\\- or maybe b12 shots** \\-\\- would really help with the fatigue and lack of energy, while c would help keep her immune system boosted, but none of the doctors i've talked to pay any attention to me so far. what do you think? **or do you have any other ideas to boost energy and help her to feel better?** she can't exercise, so that's out. i'm worried about her; i hate to see her feeling so down.  i would *really, really appreciate* some helpful feedback on this.", "answer": "she is elderly and has serious chronic health issues. it's sad but not terribly surprising that she doesn't feel good.  the specifics are not my area of expertise, but unless she has vitamin deficiencies there's no evidence that vitamin supplements improve health or energy and some limited population evidence that they can be harmful (although that's looking in the general population, not specific older and sicker groups). probably the best thing is what exercise she can tolerate\u2014but that might be almost zero. in which case, again, probably with speaking to her doctors about reducing symptoms and improving quality of life. a palliative specialist may be helpful. they're not just for end of life and might have something to contribute.  copd and chf are not easy conditions to manage or live with.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8b0f3q", "comment_id": "8b0f3q"}, {"question": "i think i'm going crazy. help?", "description": "i don't know how long this has been going on, so don't ask. it's all kind of a blur, but it's gotten worse recently.  i hear things. doors slamming, whispers, things that i can confirm aren't really there. oftentimes, i'll hear what appears to be a small child and a grown man whispering my name. along those same lines, i'll see things. moving blurs out of the corner of my eye, what looks like the silhouette of a person. a fast moving person. but no one is ever there. this is a very common occurrence, and it's quite scary. i'll get hallucinations (?) of very disturbing things. my brother's head sitting at a perfect 90 degree angle on the couch next to me with an unnatural grin on his face was the most recent one. incredibly violent, grotesque thoughts. i'll laugh at people's pain. i laughed at the news of a shooting, for gods sake! it's like everything's flipped. i'll laugh where others would cry, and yet be unable to watch happy things. i'm also very paranoid. i feel like everyone's conspiring against me, trying to get me. i have major problems talking to people. i've been told i sound like a robot, because of how monotone i am. i'll talk to inanimate objects like they're people. whenever i have an issue, ill talk to myself, argue with myself. i'm only one personality (i think) but ill have differing opinions on issues, and ill get headaches thinking about it. i'll get incredibly irritated with people for no particular reason, and ill go off on them uncontrollably. it doesn't feel like it's me saying the things i do, and ill go into extreme panic attacks everytime it happens. ill just curl up into a ball, and be unable to talk or move for about 10 minutes. it's all terrifying. i'll answer any questions you may have about any of this. help? tl;dr - i think i'm going crazy, what do i do?", "answer": "if you are having hallucinations, it is absolutely imperative you get to see a therapist or a psychiatrist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "17icd0", "comment_id": "17icd0"}, {"question": "i'm meeting my dad after years of not seeing him.", "description": "when i was young, my dad and my mum began to have issues within their marriage. however instead of being able to fix it, my dad stayed in the house less and less until eventually he stopped coming altogether.   i've always had a close relationship with him since i was young and i kept in contact with him through email, and he does send me gifts and such for my birthday.   the same cannot be said for my brother, who hates dad for abandoning us. he rejected all attempts at connecting with dad, and still refuses to talk about him. i suppose, in a way, i'm the only person who still talks to my dad and maintains a family bond out of my family.  my dad has been trying to arrange a setting for me and him to meet up, perhaps eat at a restaurant. but although i'm happy to meet him, the lack of contact other than digital makes me anxious for what to do/say on the day. we haven't talked or met in around 5 years in real life, and i've experienced puberty and my body has matured throughout those years. i'm afraid he'll be thrown off by it, and it'll be the most uncomfortable meeting. can anyone offer advice on what to talk about/what to do to repel any nerves on it?", "answer": "if you've stayed in touch it will go well. just be yourself and trust your instincts. the right words will come out.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fhk9m", "comment_id": "6fhk9m"}, {"question": "mixing sertraline (or zoloft) with recreational drugs and/or alcohol", "description": "hi, i've recently been prescribed sertraline for depression and anxiety (dose of 50mg daily) and i'm wondering about the effects of mixing with acid, mdma or alcohol.   for the record i would never mix alcohol with mdma or acid, but have been known to take acid and mdma together (candyflipping).   i take mdma around 4 times a year (mainly festival season but never really outside of it) and lose about 300mg each time.   as for acid, i generally take a tab and a half (150ug) when i take it, once every couple of months.   i tend to drink a bottle of wine on the weekends, but am trying to cut down   can any one recommend or advise what the effects would be when mixing sertraline with the above?", "answer": "it's okay to drink in moderation with zoloft. i don't know anything about mixing acid with zoloft, but there's no obvious harmful interaction.  mdma is the one i would avoid here because of risk of serotonin syndrome (among other things, fever, diarrhea, vomiting, confusion, and muscle stiffness/jerking). there's not much in the way of research (hard to study illegal substances) and the anecdotes online suggest low risk, but there are definitely case reports of serious interactions and the mechanism makes sense. i would strongly recommend avoiding mdma while on an ssri.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8d4tcl", "comment_id": "8d4tcl"}, {"question": "i had my rmr tested. it was high! now what?", "description": "i went to my local university's sports medicine facility and had my rmr tested yesterday. because i have pcos, i was expecting some ridiculously low number. instead it was nearly 1900 calories!  background:  i have pcos and hashimotos.  i'm on synthroid and metformin. i'm 5'5\", weigh 155lb, and i'm pretty muscular (i deadlift 260lb).   i do crossfit 6x/week.  and while i'm not currently training for an event, i'm a distance runner (marathons and ultras).  despite diets, drugs, and exercise, i've been this weight for about 3 years.  i usually eat around 1400-1500kcal a day, and track these in mfp.    so my question:  if the scientific rmr testing is accurate and eat below my rmr, why doesn't  the scale budge?   is it possibly over training/under eating?  ", "answer": "for what it's worth, i didn't start to lose weight until i stopped exercising. i lost a ton of weight in my abdominal area and overall feel better. maybe you could be overtraining and undereating? unless you somehow hyperventilated during the rmr test and the results aren't accurate......", "topic": "pcos", "post_id": "41piit", "comment_id": "41piit"}, {"question": "what are 3 things that made you smile today?", "description": "from a funny quote in a movie, to something that happened in real life... what are 3 things that made you smirk or smile today? ", "answer": "1. calming down a client in hysterics 2. talking to my fianc\u00e9  3. deleting a post that made me feel worthless ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "abb9jf", "comment_id": "abb9jf"}, {"question": "my therapist has no clue...", "description": "after many arguments with my mother begging her to call back to the mental health clinic i was trying to get into, i was finally able to get an appointment a few months ago. so far i've been to three appointments and my last appointment led to me finally being diagnosed with something (generalized anxiety disorder), but i apparently also have an unknown personality disorder. now, i have major interest in psychology and have research symptoms, read up on everything, and gave my therapist a few suggestions as to what i was believing it may have been. i didn't say \"this is what i have start treating me\", i simply mentioned my two suggestions as to what i felt was the closest symptom wise.  the first being borderline personality disorder (bpd). i listed my symptoms, explained why i believed mostly that it may be this. i told her i had frequent mood swings that weren't long term and were happening rapidly within seconds. these emotions are intense, lack of black and white feelings so i was either extremely angry, extremely depressed, or extremely happy and when i experience these, as i like to call, episodes, they seem to be over just as quickly as they started up. this is when i go on the plane of numbness as i call it. i feel no emotion i'm just tired. there are a handful of other things that go on that also lead me to this, my constant paranoia of being abandoned (which happened, my ex left me saying i was a piece of shit for being mentally ill and all this other shit. i cut off contact with him), making up things that aren't really happening in relationships with people (i.e. he's not talking to me, he's cheating on me. he's ignoring me. he doesn't want me anymore, so on and so forth), i begin to think really silly things at times that make zero sense and are illogical as far as about normal everyday things and relationships, everything is boring to me now even if i used to enjoy it. it's just a mess that causes me to stress and panic.  now, i know this mood disorder is something major. i know it can lead to many problems in my life and make it very difficult to hold relationships, but the point of me bringing it up was the fact i was showing a lot of the symptoms and i know i listed a few, but those were the ones i could think of right now with my brain being so foggy. my therapist and i discussed this at the last appointment:  mania/bipolar is out of the questions since my mood swings aren't more long term (lasting only seconds instead of days), borderline personality disorder was ruled out for one reason being \"you were in a relationships for two and a half years so you can't have bpd\"... what? from my understanding it's 5 or more symptoms and you have been diagnosed. i show up to 8. the logic behind it not being bpd and it being \"unknown\" was being able to hold onto a horrid relationship for two and a half years. it had never been stable, him and i were always walking on glass, and i would rip it all to shreds in a matter of seconds if i could with zero reason and i loved this guy, i still do, we were doing great until i started getting sick and symptoms got worse. the duration of my relationship should have nothing to do with it... but the quality should.  anyway, i walked out of the office extremely confused as to what my unknown personality disorder is and they have zero clue what it could be. the only thing brought up about it was my anxiety is causing it, but i've had anxiety my whole life and i've never been like this as far as my emotions spinning how they are. i don't know. i just wonder if i should seek another opinion or switch therapists.  i left out info about myself so i'll include that. i'm a 17 year old female who literally has zero clue what to do anymore. i also forgot to mention my second idea was early schizophrenia, which i knew wasn't too close, but a few signs were there, but i wasn't exactly 100% set on this might be it and brought it up simply to see what my therapists thoughts were.", "answer": "first, some of the symptoms you described, while difficult and difficult to handle for you sound to me like normal teenage feelings just blown up. that means that they might get easier to handle as you get older. being 17 isn't easy for anyone, i remember my teen years, but it sounds like you've had a more difficult time than you deserve.       second, while i don't understand your therapist's reasoning for ruling out bpd, i'm neither your therapist nor a licensed therapist in general. but, what i can tell you is that i have encountered many people diagnosed with \"personality disorder not otherwise specified\". it's really common. my understanding is that because personality disorders are so broad, an individual can am have a few symptoms from column a, a few from column b, as is the nature of personality. i hope this isn't a barrier to your treatment, but it is possible. what you can do, though, is ask why your therapist ruled it out so quickly.       now, don't despair about your treatment! finding a therapist isn't an easy task, and if the fit with your current therapist isn't good, try to find another. i know you said getting the first appointment wasn't easy, but if you don't feel your mental health is benefiting, you should look into something different.       finally, i want to caution you against researching symptoms. schizophrenia is possible, but with what you've said here, i doubt it's what you're dealing with. and when you're with your therapist, focus more on being as accurate in your depiction of your symptoms individually, and let the therapist put it all together.       good luck! it probably all feels like too much right now, but if you just focus on trying to get better, things can improve.       ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25o0ze", "comment_id": "25o0ze"}, {"question": "now that you have lived on your own, what is the best advice you would give to someone moving out for the first time?", "description": "f, 21, beginning to look at apartments for moving to chicago from the suburbs. it will be my first time moving out.   all advice, tips, and lessons learned welcome !", "answer": "buy a plunger before you need a plunger.  ...in general make sure you have cleaning supplies and if you're like me and suck at chores, clean as you go as much as possible and plan out when to do things like dishes, taking out trash, vacuuming, laundry etc.   if you're living with roommates this becomes even more important as you all will have to divide those duties.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "g1e5uy", "comment_id": "g1e5uy"}, {"question": "what are the most basic things one should do to feel good?", "description": "i'm not asking from a mental health perspective necessarily, just from a healthy perspective, but it can apply to mental health too.  what are the most basic important things one should incorporate into their daily schedule to feel good and healthy? for instance, i wake up at approximately the same time daily, i sleep at approximately the same time, i always do my hair, dress nicely, do my make up, eat certain healthy foods, etc.  i want to work on making some kind of schedule where healthy behaviors become natural. i sit around at home way too much and i want to change that.", "answer": "if you already have an established routine that works, one of the things i find is really helpful for clients i work with is getting an exercise routine going into their weekly schedule. i can really tell the difference in their mood and activity levels after they get into and maintain it. doing any activities outside when it's sunny out is also a huge plus", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "etsxjw", "comment_id": "etsxjw"}, {"question": "aa meetings seacoast nh", "description": "so i am fairly new to aa (3 months strong) and i'm currently living in utah and i have personally found a couple great meetings with some people who i really connect with. i recently had a friend contact me from back home and express an interest in giving it up and hitting some meetings but i'm not there to help and would love some recomedations. person is 30sish and i just want them to have the same positive experience i have had so far with aa. humor a plus. thanks.", "answer": "look into granite recovery and the pritts recovery center in salem nh. a lot of real good recovery there.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "d5mka6", "comment_id": "d5mka6"}, {"question": "what\u2019s up wednesday", "description": "it\u2019s that day again. guess what day it is? happy hump day, everybody! what's up wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our sd family is doing, and support each other. share your struggles, triumphs, and general musings with us below!  -----------------------------------------  **struggle:** i had a really bad week. i was looking through some old photo albums to find a certain photo for someone else\u2019s birthday, and i stumbled upon a photograph of mitch, my boyfriend that i adored who died when i was 28. i was not at all prepared for it, and it was extremely upsetting. i burst into tears, and i am not the crying type. (mitch himself used to complain, \u201cit takes an act of congress to get you to shed a tear.\u201d)  the night before i found the photograph, we\u2019d had a dinner party at my house, and there were still bottles of hard liquor out on the sideboard. it was so painful to see mitch\u2019s face again that i seriously considered having a shot of vodka\u2014for the first time in years.   **triumph:** i thought\u2014this will not do. if mitch\u2019s death is still so incredibly painful after all this time that i am actually considering drinking some vodka, then i need to get professional help. i looked online for a counselor within 50 miles of the little honky-tonk, seaside town where i\u2019ll be spending most of the winter in florida and\u2014oddly enough\u2014discovered that a good and reputable therapist (who counsels people with both grief and addiction issues) has an office in the very same town, within a few minutes\u2019 walking distance of my mother\u2019s house. what are the chances? so i immediately made an appointment to see her when i go back there next month.  **general:** the leaves are starting to turn here in the north country, and there is that tang of pine trees in the cold night air and the smell of people burning wood fires. it\u2019s lovely.", "answer": "struggle: now that i am not drinking, i'm having a tough time with my husband's drinking.  he has cut back a lot and i'm really trying to notice and give him credit for that, and i'm reminding myself how long it took me to realize that i couldn't moderate successfully.  i feel like an asshole because i am starting to not like being around him when he's drunk and i'm sober.  he gets all affectionate, and all i can think about is the alcohol on his breath and that it's not really him being affectionate.  i don't know if i should try to talk to him about this or just keep reminding myself that he is trying.  triumph: today is my 44th day sober.  i have never gone this long without drinking since i started drinking regularly, ever.  i am so proud of myself.  also, on monday i had a grueling day at work, and in the past i definitely would have used that as an excuse to stop by a bar on the way home - but this week i didn't.  i stayed sober.  also, i am starting to get past feeling cranky/sad all the time on the weekends - this past weekend i only had a brief moment of cranky/sad and it passed.  general:  yesterday after work i was standing outside with a colleague, and the breeze made it feel like fall is actually coming our way here in south texas!  (best time of the year - temperature finally dips below 95!)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d2jlsk", "comment_id": "d2jlsk"}, {"question": "foggy mind and memory after waking up, did constant ocd-related compulsions previously", "description": "16, male  so, this feeling is basically like... when i want to try and think about something a bit, it's like my mind doesn't wanna do it. it's like my mind is too tired to think about things, like it's exhausted and needs a break.  during the weekend, i started to do compulsions for my worries as part of my ocd. these compulsions involve me thinking, or speaking, a few lines to tell myself that my worrying is irrational etc. these compulsions quickly became constant and hard not to do, refraining from doing them would make me feel anxious and panicky. i have spent 3 or 4 days in which i have did these compulsions all day (there have been a few breaks or decreases in frequency but it feels like it varies from every minute to every few minutes or whatever).  i've been sleeping alright, getting at least 7 hours a night, but have still been going to bed late (usually around 1 - 2 am). since these compulsions, i have been getting more headaches and uncomfortable aches (i had a mild burning sensation at the back of my head for a bit last night). right now i'm getting these aches, and they're not necessarily nice.  please help me out with this. thank you, and have a nice day. ;)  note: yesterday, i actually get really stressed at one point because of these compulsions. i have also being rushing them slightly at times, and sometimes repeating them again and again and again because i can't get them right. i haven't been doing them non-stop all day but it still feels like i've been doing them too much.", "answer": "to clarify, have you been formally diagnosed with ocd by a psychiatrist?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5738wl", "comment_id": "5738wl"}, {"question": "what are some things that you suspect may be related to your adhd, but you have yet to see anyone else mention?", "description": "+ i am much less easily susceptible to being startled by loud noises, or by anything, really.   + i am extremely laid-back and never have a real sense of urgency.  i'll try to think of more. what do you guys have? ", "answer": "somewhat poor social skills in that i always seem to interrupt people when talking (due to always thinking about multiple things and then realizing something i need to share rightnow) and have trouble telling when i've taken a joke too far.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "10ck70", "comment_id": "10ck70"}, {"question": "doctor looks at me like i'm nuts", "description": "24y/o female, 176cm 65kg, nerve/neck pain.  for the last 14 years i have this damn pain (spasm?) that happens when i turn my head too quickly. i hear a *click* and instantly get a white-hot pain spread from the back of my head around the sides and down my neck. it used to only hurt for a moment and then it would disappear, but now when it happens my vision blacks out, i start to feel nauseous and i have to sit down for a few minutes until it passes. even when it passes my head still aches for a day or two.   i have had multiple mris and xrays, and was diagnosed with a protruding disk between my c5-c6 vertebra in 2015. but every time i have told the various doctors about the spasm they look at me funny and say they've never heard of it/its probably normal/come back if it gets worse.   i feel like i am going crazy. this has been happening since i was a kid and no one in the \"real world\" has any answers or ideas.. please help    edit: thank you all so much for the suggestions and for making this gal feel less alone. you have given me a list of things to take to my doctor when i see her next. bless you all.", "answer": "i get this too. but i have a condition called ehlers danlos and i think this is why.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "c5pd1r", "comment_id": "c5pd1r"}, {"question": "bf [26/m]liked picture of ex tinder hookup in bikini and i [24/f] feel disrespected but don't know if i'm making this into a bigger issue than it is.", "description": "i've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year now. halfway into our relationship, i found out that a friend of his had actually been a tinder hookup. after this, she became the source of many problems. for example, the first problem was when she threw a party and my boyfriend didn't invite me to go along with him. we have had other problems because of her. my boyfriend says she is a great networking connection, which is why he insists on staying friends with her. i have never asked him to drop her as a friend because i really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. he recently liked a picture of her in a bikini and i got really upset because i felt it was disrespectful to me. i also told him it seems like a disgusting thing to do when you have a girlfriend and know she has a problem with this girl. we spoke and he said he doesn't see how it is disrespectful to me and that he doesn't think this is a big deal. he tells me he likes me and is with me for a reason. he also said he barely talks to her as she no longer lives in the same state so not a big deal. thoughts? am i really just blowing this out of proportion?  thank you in advance for your help!   edit: to answer some questions. 1. he is very selective of likes.  2. the reason i knew this friend and him had a history before was because of his manner when he brought her up. i finally asked him and after quickly saying no, he admitted to their history. her party happened about a week or two after this. . i was not invited to it. later, when i asked why after a long argument, he blurted out that he just wanted to have fun and knew that if he brought me along, i would most likely want to leave the party early. 3. everyone has insecurities but i like to think i'm pretty secure when it comes to female relationships. his best friend is a female and i've never meddled in that friendship. they hang out without me often because i encourage him to maintain relationships without me. he also is friends with other girls and it's never been an issue.  3. not that long ago, i found out that they had not just slept together once but had actually dated for a few weeks and the reason it didn't continue was because she preferred to stay friends. three months after,  he and i met.  4. like i said, the reason this is upsetting is because he doesn't think it is a big deal despite knowing how i feel about her. for months he said that he was just keeping her in his life as a networking connection but later admitted she was a friend in the true sense of the word.  5. i have cut off two guys from my life when they showed interest in me and didn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend. i did it because i wanted my boyfriend to feel secure. (and no, he didn't ask me to.) 6. i know she was sending him daily snapchats for a while and always commented on his posts. once to ask him to visit her since he was in the area. don't know what she sends him through snapchat but i assume they're innocent snaps. ", "answer": "you said//i really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her.   this is a gigantic red flag!!!! why do you want to be with him????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vqxud", "comment_id": "5vqxud"}, {"question": "ending it all on sunday", "description": "hi all,   this subreddit was something that made me feel more like a normal person cause it showed me how many of us feel the same. i am honestly hoping all of you will get better and depression will disappear from your lives, you all deserve to be genuinely happy.   some of us win and some of us lose this battle. i\u2019ve always felt bad and it kept growing on me. everything about me and my life is fucked up and today i finally decided and was never this certain about anything.   i am leaving this world on sunday. i said goodbye to my little sister and brother, i am writing letters to my parents and the sister who\u2019s closest to me. one last meeting with people that will allow me to clear some things and on sunday i\u2019m ending it all.  everything is planned and i am feeling rather calm about it.   i just wanted to wish you all that you get better. you all deserve a good life and i hope you will win your battles.   ", "answer": "to quote someone brilliant: \u201ci absolutely understand as i\u2019m on the verge of doing that but please do not do this. i know that whatever i say won\u2019t make you feel better in any way but fuck, please don\u2019t do this. i\u2019m here if you need to talk.\u201d  i mean it, too.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ah3aul", "comment_id": "ah3aul"}, {"question": "i never thought the words that would destroy me would be \"he made me squirt.\" [nsfw] [jealousy] [severe insecurity] [stream of consciousness] (no pun intended)", "description": "my girlfriend and i are in a de facto open relationship. it's a bit weird, but the gist of it is that we allow each other to get the things we can't provide each other. (she's into d/s and i'm so vanilla h\u00e4agen-dazs sends me hate mail; also, i'm bi.)  and i use a lot of parentheses. (deal with it.)  i'm basically not a jealous person. at least i try not to be. and i can't stand the idea of demanding that she not get what she wants in order to assuage my stupidity.  anyway, today, we were sitting in her car having a serious conversation (we only seem to have them while sitting in cars), and she 'admitted' that she had been talking to her ex (in california) (which she had mentioned before), and that about a month ago she had been in a skype-sex session with him, and... \"well, he made me squirt.\"  ever felt like your balls just got kicked into your chest cavity while simultaneously taking a baseball bat to the gut? that's how i felt. it didn't feel at all like this when she asked if it was okay for her to have a d/s relationship with a guy here on reddit. it didn't even feel like that when she mentioned that she was talking to her ex, even when she acknowledged that it had gotten sexual.  but he made her squirt. he made her cum so hard from the other side of the country that she squirted for (what she says was) the second time in her life. i routinely give her orgasms whenever we meet (she claims i'm the only one who has ever fingered her to orgasm and the only one who has ever eaten her out). but she's never squirted for me, and it makes me feel inadequate.  the worst part is that it was eight years from the time my first girlfriend dumped me until i got another date, with someone who used my loneliness to manipulate me. [edit: to clarify, that was not my current girlfriend.] and during those eight years i had a lot of close encounters with the inner voice that whispered that i'd be better off dead. i even went so far as to formulate plans.  those four words brought the voice back.  before you ask, i'm taking precautions (i'm in touch with people and i'm not drinking or using any drugs (not that i used drugs recreationally anyway)).  it's bad enough i'm an ugly nerd with a voice like the love child of screech and fran drescher. but now i'm being outcompeted from the other side of the country. and i literally have no idea what to do to improve myself (besides the obvious 'lose weight, get ripped, win the lotto, magically grow a 12\" dick' stuff).  i guess i've pretty much covered it. sorry for ranting but i don't really have anywhere else.  ----  edit: to clarify, i actually have some heavy-duty kinks of my own. they just fall well out of the bdsm spectrum.  ----  **tl;dr:** he's better from two thousand miles away than i am in the same room, and it's enough to make me want to splatter my brains across the wall.", "answer": "i think squirting happens pretty randomly. maybe she just happened to really be in the mood that day she talked to him on skype, and it's quite possible that she would have squirted with you if you were the one who was skype sexting her. don't beat yourself over it, but i do know where you are coming from as i am also in a somewhat similar dynamic. talk with your girlfriend about your feelings and maybe see what does make her squirt (if she thinks there is a common link between the first and second time) so you can try to do the same thing!", "topic": "mmfb", "post_id": "3honpb", "comment_id": "3honpb"}, {"question": "it's been a few destructive months lately. i simply cannot continue drinking.", "description": "i made my 3 year old nephew cry when i didn't show up to build birdhouses because i 'fell asleep'. then i ruined mothers day and found this sub. i stopped drinking for a day and went back at it. this past friday i got a dui (i'm sorry to all motorists) in a state i don't live in and spent a few hours with, and hundreds of dollars to get away from, murderers and fellow addicts.  i am leaving my boring, not-challenging job for a highly visible and important career in that other state at the end of june. i cannot carry this addiction into my new setting. i will probably face a license suspension which will be embarrassing enough to start my new career. i can't expect the company to tolerate the effects of my addiction and i can't tolerate them anymore either. i can't even socially drink anymore. if there is alcohol, i will drink it until it's gone or i pass out.  i am successfully weaning off because i fear severe withdrawal symptoms. i'll have my last drink today for the rest of my life.  i've lost religion many years ago but am considering attending church if only for that self-reflection time i think i miss and relied on in my younger years. with that and you lovely bunch of supporters, i hope i'll never need to reset my badge.  here's to better lives and lives we control!", "answer": "aa worked for me, it doesn't work for everyone tho but i'd say it's worth a try.   i think it's also worth considering medications because the research shows that using medication increases the likelihood of success significantly. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3883p4", "comment_id": "3883p4"}, {"question": "[24/f] my boyfriend [22/m] is inconsiderate and doesn't seem to be willing to change!", "description": "as the title says, my boyfriend is doing many inconsiderate things, both in bed and in everyday life. he is just plain lazy and when i confront him about it he says that 'i should know how lazy he is by now' and no remorse or whatsoever occurs.   he doesn't remember special dates (duh most of guys don't, but he doesn't do anything about them even if i remind him) as our anniversary, my birthday, my graduation. he always puts his mother and sister before me (he still lives with them). he doesn't understand he hurts me when he sends hearts and compliments to his female friends on social media. he criticizes my apperance (i'm 160cm tall and weight 63kg), especially my butt, because he likes big ones and so he thinks i should 'get one for him'. he often calls me stupid, stubborn and hard to please, while all i ever wanted from him was understanding and respect, nothing else. he lied to me plenty of times and cheated on me once, 6 months ago and i think this is where our relationship started to worsen. and while he swears he understood his mistake and would never do that again, that there is only me, i can't bring myself to believe him and he gets upset for the lack of trust i have. he doesn't understand it is due to his past behavior.  another thing is sex. he has good days but mostly sex looks like this - i give him massages, kisses all over, oral etc and i always fullfil his wishes when he feels like doing 'this and that'. he gives me a 10-minute rushed foreplay and springs right to intercourse. even when i ask him for a certain thing (altho it is a serious challenge for me as i'm insecure about my body and sometimes i just feel like he thinks i'm repulsive) he usually says he's going to do it later but doesn't, does it for a minute and drops it or just plain says 'but i already did that to you, c'mon'. of course usually he comes and i don't. he often tells me he'll finish pleasing me after a quick shower, but then after that shower nothing really happens. i'll just add that when he has his good days, he can please me very well.  in everyday life he is fun to be with, i'm never bored and i love him, but then i feel like i am the glue of this relationship. he is even so lazy that when we sit and watch a movie or hangout or whatever, he doesn't get up to get sth he needs but only tells me to bring it to him. and of course gets upset when i refuse.  i'm starting to feel very bad about myself because i am a strong woman that takes no crap from anybody, yet i let this guy turn me into someone i'm not. i don't feel like his partner, i feel like his puppet. i confronted him about it many times but he never has an answer and i don't know what else to do. i am so tired yet don't want to leave him, so i'm asking you guys for possible solutions.  i'm sorry for the long post. ", "answer": "if he won't change, you have a big decision to make", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qngy5", "comment_id": "6qngy5"}, {"question": "is there a way to stop kicking in my sleep so my wife can sleep more peacefully?", "description": "i kick, toss, turn, and twitch so much in my sleep i often need to migrate to the couch or another bed in the middle of the night to allow my wife to rest properly. i disturb her sleep so much it alters her entire mood the next day. i feel terrible disturbing her so badly. it hasn't caused any marital problems or notable issues (aside from irritability) as of yet but i don't want it to lead to anything that could cause any sort of separation between us.   are there any solutions to sleeping more soundly or controlling my restlessness so we can continue sharing our bed together? do any experts know what may be causing this to begin with? ", "answer": "oh god, sleeping next to my so is like sleeping in a canoe full of badgers. we're moving soon, so i did some research on this, under the idea that we might get a new bed, mattress, etc. when we move. that or i will start to drug him.  - apparently if the offending party takes melatonin, this helps some - an old spring mattress + boxspring + crappy frame is the worst combo for motion transfer, which is what we have, hooray. apparently any improvement on any of these factors helps. - memory foam mattresses, and slat-based frames are better. twin mattresses side-by-side are supposedly the best. - even a memory foam topper helps some -- you sink in so the crazy sleeper can't move as much.  WEBLINK had some useful info too in terms of mattress types  disclaimer: we haven't actually tried any of these yet.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "445pno", "comment_id": "445pno"}, {"question": "why we abuse weed (and how to stop)", "description": "hi /r/leaves. you may remember me from my previous post, *[how to stop smoking weed and get your life together](WEBLINK)*. this post looks at *why* we can't moderate our smoking habits, and how we can change our values to set ourselves up for success.  i also posted it [on medium](WEBLINK), if you'd prefer to read it in that format.  --- **why we abuse weed (and how to stop)** ---  i recently finished mark manson\u2019s book *the subtle art of not giving a fuck*. this article is inspired by some of the concepts he discusses. i highly recommend it to everyone except my grandmother, as she disapproves of vulgar language and is also dead.  --- **our actions are based on our values** ---  something made you click on this link and start reading this article.   what was it?   maybe you\u2019re trying to quit weed and you thought reading this article would help you.   maybe you have a friend who is trying to quit weed and you thought reading this might help you understand them.   whatever the case, there\u2019s an underlying value driving your decision.   if you\u2019re trying to quit, that value might be constant self-improvement. if you\u2019re trying to help your friend, the value might be compassion for others.   this article will help you pull out the values driving your weed addiction, change them, and stop smoking weed.  --- **we abuse weed because our values suck** ---  let\u2019s look at the actions of two imaginary people i just made up, chris and jebediah.  chris and jebediah both enjoy weed.  chris smokes a joint once a week with his buddies. he has a great time, and doesn\u2019t feel the need to smoke after his high goes away. he\u2019s content with a sober reality, and getting high is pretty low on his list of priorities.  jebediah smokes every night by himself. he doesn\u2019t have a great time, and must smoke after his high goes away. he\u2019s not content with a sober reality, and getting high is number one on his list of priorities.  so what\u2019s the difference between chris and jebediah? why can chris smoke responsibly while jebediah hotboxes his lungs every night?  chris and jebediah have different values driving their actions.  chris values immediate pain. any time he is confronted with pain, he looks to deal with that pain responsibly instead of hiding from it in the superficial, temporary pleasure of weed.  jebediah values immediate pleasure. any time he is confronted with pain, he hides from it in a blunt instead of dealing with it in a responsible manner  let\u2019s dive into a scenario to make this a bit clearer.  chris and jebediah have an exam coming up next week. they both know they need to study a few hours every night in order to pass the exam.  i don\u2019t consider studying to be a fun activity. it\u2019s hard and boring and painful, especially if it involves numbers and doing things to them. and because chris and jebediah are figments of my imagination, they also feel this way.  chris embraces the pain. he studies hard and passes the exam. passing the exam makes him feel good. it turns out achieving your goals feels pretty fucking awesome. chris likes feeling pretty fucking awesome, so he decides to prioritize studying over getting high.  jebediah rejects the pain. reading a textbook and taking notes for 10 hours sounds like a really shitty use of his time. why should he endure that pain when he can feel great right fucking now? so he lights up. he feels pretty good while he\u2019s high, but a wave of anxiety-inducing thoughts hits him once he comes down\u2026  *why the fuck did i smoke? i needed to study. fucking idiot. now i\u2019m going to fail. there\u2019s no point in trying to study now, i need to get an a and i\u2019ll barely be able to pull a c. i hate feeling like this. i should smoke\u2026*  jebediah was already stressed about the test. instead of actually studying for the test to alleviate that stress, he got high. now he\u2019s anxious about the fact that he smoked to avoid a necessary responsibility in addition to the exam stress.   jebediah hates the anxiety that permeates his sober reality. so he gets high to avoid the anxiety, which makes him even more anxious. it\u2019s a vicious cycle. i\u2019m sure many of you are quite familiar with it.  the key takeaway is each person\u2019s reaction to pain. chris deals with it when it\u2019s presented to him, and while it kind of sucks in the moment, he is ultimately much better off. jebediah, who avoids the pain by getting high, turns into a stoned and anxious wreck, and gets a shitty exam grade to boot.  if you\u2018re more of a jebediah than a chris, then you value immediate pleasure over immediate pain. and if you\u2019re going to stop smoking, you must learn to flip that value on its head.  --- **changing our values** --- >\"we must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. the difference is discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons.\" \u2014 jim rohn  *okay steve, i understand i need to get my shit together and stop getting high instead of doing stuff that actually matters. but how can i do that?*  you need to associate activities that are initially painful with the growth and long-term pleasure they eventually bring. likewise, you need to associate activities that are initially pleasurable with the stagnation and pain they eventually bring.  *okay! great! now how do i do that?!*  change your values.  instead of valuing the avoidance of pain in favor of immediate pleasure, value embracing pain in favor of long-term happiness.  just fucking do it. don\u2019t think about it. don\u2019t analyze it to death. just change your values, change your actions to reflect those values, and you\u2019re done.  whatever your situation, whatever painful challenges you\u2019re facing\u2026 you need to take responsibility for those challenges. accept that it will be fucking painful, and then take it on anyway.  once you start doing this, you\u2019re going to notice something funny. even if you fail and life kicks you in the teeth, you\u2019ll find you\u2019re ultimately better off for it.  let\u2019s take another look at jebediah. if jebediah stops smoking blunts for a week, genuinely puts in the effort to study, and bombs his test anyway\u2026 he\u2019s no worse off than before. sure, it sucks to put effort into something and still fail, but you\u2019ve got to fail before you can succeed. jebediah might realize he needs to put in more than 10 hours of studying to pass his next exam. he\u2019s learned from his initial failure, and now he\u2019s more likely to succeed the next time around.  everything in life is like this. once you start failing regularly\u2026 you\u2019ll realize that failing is fine. it\u2019s perfectly normal. everyone who has ever been successful at anything has failed a fuck-ton of times. take it from me. i can write pretty well, but i went through years of shitty essays and embarrassing proof-reading sessions to get here. all it takes is time.  i know this seems like some bullshit cliche self-help advice. but doesn\u2019t it make sense? repeated actions form habits. actions derive themselves from values. if we change our values, we change our actions. if we change our actions, we change our habits\u2026 habits like smoking weed all day.  every action you take comes from some value. i didn\u2019t decide to quit my job and write full-time for the fuck of it. i did so because i value my independence, and i acted in accordance with that value. even an action as simple as tying your shoes comes from valuing your health and well-being. tripping down some stairs because your shoes were untied doesn\u2019t really align with that value.  if you need a reminder, try writing your new value down and keeping it in your wallet. read it a few times a day. instill into your brain that this new value will be the one your actions will be based on.  don\u2019t be afraid to fail. if you smoke, just try again. try until you succeed. and you will succeed. ", "answer": "we abuse weed not because of any of this shit. it's self medicating, for what? for mental illness- depression, anxiety, trauma, even adhd. self esteem issues. physical issues, digestive problems. pain. fear. attachment issues. a lack of self growth, and the discomfort that comes with it.   not core values. we need to seek treatment for these issues underlying and then we can let it go", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "5u8wp1", "comment_id": "5u8wp1"}, {"question": "how low does your bottom have to be? an aid to finding gratitude.", "description": "used to think mine was high - still had externals, but i had dug myself an emotional hole it took years to climb out of.  last night at my aa meeting in prison, i heard a story - with few details that digs so much deeper.  at fifteen, in a blackout, he killed someone.  tried as an adult he is, sixteen tears later, in prison with no end date.  at some point in next ten years he will be eligible for parole but these days it is rarely given for murder convictions.  so, my friends, if you are thinking any element in your life sucks, that your life is fucked, think of this guy.   he is sober and attending aa in prison, he's trying - fighting a pretty big black hole.  ", "answer": "i heard a man speak the other day, whose share put me in tears. he was around 50 years old, and had been sober for some 20 years and he found out a few weeks ago that he has very painful terminal disease(i didn't ask specifics). however he refused to take his pain meds because he didn't want his 6 and 9 year old kids to see what he was like before he got sober. he couldn't even shake my hand because it was too painful. it was the most powerful experience i have ever heard in my life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1ewclk", "comment_id": "1ewclk"}, {"question": "i am an uncurable delusional person with ocd who wants to scream because no one supports or replies to me here and no one understands!", "description": "i already take zoloft genius but i stil have this 1 ''phenomenon'' that has destroyed my life, my happiness, my will to live, i can't stop thinking about my reaction to a unsettling event that happened last year, i have practically habitually created a figment in my mind where i feel something is not right leading to psychosomatic feelings of severe nausea and dissociation, i am confident this is not ocd now and rather a form of psychosis and dissociation created by me mentally, i actually believe this ''energy'' comes from a higher place out to torment me, this all stemmed from an event and the way i reacted to that, who knows what it is, ptsd? flashback? psychosis?", "answer": "you're putting this comment in an ocd forum. if this is even in part ocd, treat it like it is.  stop reinforcing the idea that it's real, and start acting like it's the figment of your imagination that's uncomfortable, but not the end of the world.    lastly, have you tried meeting with a therapist who specializes in ocd? if not do this. if you have, and believe they didn't understand you, then try another one.  if they are all telling you it's not the reality you think it is, then you may be wrong in your assumptions that it's a delusion. ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "6p12az", "comment_id": "6p12az"}, {"question": "my mother just had blood tests and we're a bit worried about the results, we'd appreciate a second opinion", "description": "age: 58  sex: female  weight: 150 ib (68-67 kg)   height: 5'3 (1.60m)  race: arab but looks caucasian idk  medications:eutirox 75mg levotiroxina sodica for hypothyroidism   she previously had an operation to remove an enlarged thyroid, she has to do regular checkups on her thyroid, in one of the checkups she decided to do a blood and vitamin d test and here are the results:  [blood test results](WEBLINK)   as you can here cholesterol levels are high and the doctor recommended a drug called \"simvastatine\", and upon googling it (because i don't trust these 3rd-world hacks) i find out that it has some serious side effects like liver damage, \"lol just fix your cholesterol problem by destroying your liver bro\".  [vitamin d results](WEBLINK)  [vitamin d prescription](WEBLINK)  the prescription for vitamin d deficiency contains some back shots, are those really necessary? what are your general recommendations for her condition doctors?", "answer": "simvastatin (and other statins) are very commonly prescribed. liver enzyme elevation can happen, but it\u2019s relatively uncommon. serious damage is very rare. statins are one of the most prescribed drugs in the world and are safe and effective.  there\u2019s a surprising lack of good guidelines for vitamin d deficiency. shots are reasonable. it\u2019s usually possible to use pills instead, but not always, and i wouldn\u2019t take over without information.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "cgvzla", "comment_id": "cgvzla"}, {"question": "ptsd with an event that is not yet over?", "description": "the question is not about me, but i am trying to learn about a treatment strategy in order to do research (i work in a healthcare related field).  there appear to be a number of approaches used for patients who have ptsd due to a trauma that happened in the past. what treatment and management is used with a patient who is still experiencing an ***ongoing*** traumatic event? obviously in cases of abuse the patient is encouraged to leave the situation, but that is often, literally, impossible in a non-abusive traumatic situation.  i would like to provide an example:  a patient has ptsd related to past chemotherapy. she is now undergoing a second round of chemotherapy and has panic attacks related to seeing medical equipment, nurses, even the front doors of the clinic.  this is different than someone whose trauma is isolated to the past (i.e. car accident, war veteran, spousal abuse, etc.). the things that cause her to experience fear are ongoing and ***unavoidable***. no one in good conscience can recommend the patient simply avoid the triggers: the chemotherapy.  i do not work with any therapists at this time and have the interest, but not the expertise, to learn about who we should refer these patients (and their families) to in future. what classification or treatment is used to help them? how are patients counseled to survive ongoing or periodic traumatic events in a 'healthy' way?", "answer": "you can absolutely diagnose ptsd in an ongoing trauma. the criterion regarding time is >1 month. an example of ongoing ptsd is first responder work.   treatment is based on symptoms. emdr is highly effective, as is neuro feedback. talk therapy and anxiety reduction, cbt and dbt can all be effective trauma-informed strategies. one of the best things i learned during residency is make the intervention match the symptom: physiological symptoms respond well to physiological interventions and so on.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f8fd2k", "comment_id": "f8fd2k"}, {"question": "i feel like an addict", "description": "hey guys and girls, just wanted to share with you a struggle that i\u2019ve wondered about for a while and haven\u2019t got to posting until now.  i find that when i pick up a new activity, be it rock climbing, a new game, a new way of making food, and especially anything media related, i will focus solely on that thing and that thing alone for days at a time. it\u2019s like a mini addiction that spans a week, and then it\u2019s into the next one, that\u2019s how i can explain it best. does anyone else have this problem? it just feels like i hyperfocus on these things and can\u2019t stop to do important things like eating properly, doing chores, or make it to social events and it\u2019s frustrating to know it\u2019s happening but in the moment \u201cit\u2019s fine\u201d and i don\u2019t care", "answer": "reading about the holocaust was probably my worst one...  i'm stuck in between addictions atm. trying to find a new one. chernobyl was my most recent.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "g7nnec", "comment_id": "g7nnec"}, {"question": "seeking advice from any mental health professionals out there, and advice in general.", "description": "for more than a little while now,  i feel cut off from social situations in all aspects of my life. i greatly value my solitude and all that it brings. i feel safe when i'm alone,  and have even been cutting out close friends from my life. no one understands things the way i'd like them to and i feel like i can't properly communicate my ideas and thoughts to anyone around me. i don't like people because i feel they are untrustworthy and will no doubt cause trouble for me or bring me pain in some way.  i feel like i'm in a dream most days,  i know everything is there, but find it hard to make myself come to terms with the existence of it all,  i don't feel like i can trust my perceptions a lot of the time. partly because of the reason i just mentioned and partly because sometimes i think i see shadows moving out of the corners of my eyes (which can be normal for people to see, especially when tired) but i don't have to be tied to see them,  and it happens in broad daylight. in addition to those i have frequent thoughts of violence or sexual things, i don't like these thoughts, and really don't want to act on them,  but they come out of nowhere most the time and i am getting increasingly bothered by it.   i keep trying to get others in my life to see things the way i do,  or at least give them some perspective on what i've been feeling, but i feel that they mostly disregard what i'm saying as normal angst for a young adult. i don't believe i have anyone in my life to talk to about any of it. my friends just tell me that it's weird and move on. they can't understand why i think the way i do,  or why i want to be alone. i don't feel comfortable around people,  not because i'm overly anxious, but rather because i can't seem to relate to others like i feel i should. i'm sorry if that was hard to read but i am on my phone, and am very confused as of what to do, so i'd really appreciate any help i can get. i just want to know what might be wrong. ", "answer": "i'm still in school, so not yet a professional. but it sounds like you could really benefit from seeking therapy. there are many places that work with people with low income, and hopefully you can find something affordable. check psychology today's therapist finder tool, its great.  finally, going to talk to a therapist can be hard. but they are there for you, and are primarily interested in helping you feel heard.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "34i16r", "comment_id": "34i16r"}, {"question": "concern with medications", "description": "38/f here. diagnosed with ptsd (due to physical and sexual abuse as a child), depression, and generalized anxiety. also agoraphobic.   earlier this year, my doctor prescribed wellbutrin. i'd never taken any anti-depressants before so it was all new to me. i had to start taking 150mg the first week, then up it to 300mg every day after that first week. i did that, but then about a month after starting it, i was having suicidal thoughts and hearing voices (not even anything intelligible, just sounded like someone screaming in my head). my doctor recommended i go back down to 150mg daily.    i've had some rough days this week. no cause that i can pinpoint specifically, just feeling more 'down' than i regularly do on my normal dose of wellbutrin. i called the doctor's office and the nurse said since the max i was prescribed daily is 300mg, i can take that full dose on days when i feel 150mg isn't doing enough.  has anyone else experienced this? if so, do you have a regular schedule that you take your max dose (like maybe every other day), or do you just take it as needed?", "answer": "unfortunately, that can be one of the side effects in wellbutrin. so you probably find yourself stuck in between \"effective dose but bad side effects\" and \"no major side effects but dose is not as effective as i'd like.\"  question- what else are you doing to address your mental health besides taking the wellbutrin? taking a medication for something like ptsd/anxiety/depression can be helpful in taking the edge off, so to speak, but it will not make the underlying concerns that spark those symptoms go away.  perhaps while you are working with your doctor to figure out an appropriate dosage, i would take a look at some other things you can do to help with the symptoms. that might be coping skills, proper diet and exercise, adequate sleep, etc. that can also include seeing a counselor or attending a support group. stuff like that.  i would follow what your doctor recommended and schedule a follow-up appointment with them to address your concerns about the wellbutrin dosage. perhaps they may be able to recommend an alternative dosage or perhaps a different anti-depressant that you may be able to tolerate better. it can be trial and error sometimes finding the best dosage and medication for your specific body chemistry.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cvt46q", "comment_id": "cvt46q"}, {"question": "depression, anxiety, or something else", "description": "hey folks,  i'll just jump right into it.  psychological symptoms: -i worry about everything, even something as simple as having to brush my teeth before bed, i just dread doing any chore or any activity always, for no specific reason. -i never feel proud of anything or follow through on anything. -i appear very social to friends/family but social interaction feels like a job and never want to do it, i am pretty much a recluse throughout the week. -i don't necessarily feel down emotionally, but i'm never excited or happy either.  physical symptoms: -joint pain, particularly lower body. -stuffy nose lots of mucous, usually thick but clear never runny, but almost always stuffed up. -brain fog or feeling very strange at times. -extreme bloating, not overly gassy, but my stomach looks like i'm pregnant after eating almost anything, i can't sit down after eating i must lay or stand. -low vitamin d (avid golfer, walk to work, like the outdoors so this is strange)  i can never have a relaxing break from my brain, it feels like i always always always have something that needs to get done, or some task that needs completion and most of the time i end up getting none of it done because it's easier to try to ignore it, i cannot relax on any situation, it's been years since i've been in public and been totally at ease (except when drunk)  advice, questions, tips, anything...i'm open to suggestions. thanks in advance.", "answer": "sounds like youre constantly distressed by your experiences. could be generalised anxiety +/- a depressive disorder, but the only way to know is to get checked out via gp/pcp or direct to psychiatry. youll need some routine blood tests to rule out other medical conditions.  various options are available, have a read: [anxiety etc.](WEBLINK), [depression](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5fq9qc", "comment_id": "5fq9qc"}, {"question": "facing reality", "description": "recently i\u2019ve come to terms with how messed up my head is and have promised myself i\u2019d work on that fully, rather than ignore it all with distractions such as attention/alcohol/drugs/etc and this is so much harder than i thought it would be. since i\u2019m no longer running away from my issues i see them so much clearer and it\u2019s become so obvious to me how little sense of self or selves i have and the personality i thought i had and that people know me for is really just a mask i put on while running from my fears and past. i feel like i have to completely knock down every inch of myself and build myself back up to try and find a true happy me, which is super hard when i have little to no support system. trying to get better is so much harder and scary than i ever expected i wish i could just erase my whole life and start over again ", "answer": "this sub is sometimes a mess but there has been so much positivity, progress, courageous sharing, and hard, helpful words lately. it's really wonderful to see and to know that people aren't just accepting the world as it feels in the moment. how beautiful it is. ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7gz1ol", "comment_id": "7gz1ol"}, {"question": "opening up on dates", "description": "i'm a 20 m who is looking for advice on how to open up and really be myself when going on dates.  a bit of background about me: i'm a decent looking guy, play sport, work part time, volunteer and i am doing pretty well academically at university (eventually want to become a dentist). i have never had a serious girlfriend, although i have had numerous casual relationships in the past. i have always believed that i haven't found the right person to commit to yet.  in the past two years i have been on many dates, with a few leading to second and third dates although nothing serious has happened beyond that.  the main issue i have found is that i find it really difficult to open up to girls and let them know more about me and this might be due to a lack of confidence. this means i also find it difficult to really relax and be myself when i'm around girls. i'm definitely an outgoing person who loves to have a laugh and muck around with my close friends, but i can never seem to really show this side of myself to the girls i take out on dates.   any help will be much appreciated \ud83d\ude0a  tl;dr 20m who really struggles to open up and be confident when going on dates.", "answer": "i wouldn't stress;  you'll open up when you meet the right one. most people open up too soon to two many people about too much! ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tl7vj", "comment_id": "5tl7vj"}, {"question": "please help me out, what does it sound like i have?", "description": "i really want some answers. i've been left in the dark for years. my aunt said the mental diagnosis i had before said i fell under something because of these things bout myself: i binge eat and eat very fast, i get overly attached to girls at first site, i am very defensive, i am very emotional and sensitive in irrational ways half of the time, i have poor self awareness and change my style often. i never had a relationship with my parents, and when i did they were very terrible to me. my mom would insult me and my dad would ignore my calls and texts for days. i always watch dog my phone in hopes of messages and never get off my computer for that same reason. can anyone give me some idea of what's wrong with me and how i can fix it? i am 16, my grandparents never really taught me many boundaries when i was young.", "answer": "as the other poster said, you should go see a therapist/psychologist.       that being said, what you listed does have some in common with borderline personality disorder. which makes it more imperative that you go see a therapist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1wcmjx", "comment_id": "1wcmjx"}, {"question": "long term effects of ssri use?", "description": "i\u2019ve been on anti depressants pretty much my whole life. fluvoxamine at age 8 when diagnosed with ocd and anxiety and then escitalopram at 18 when the fluvoxamine was no longer working. it\u2019s crazy and a little scary to think how this medication has effected my body? my liver?", "answer": "you were given antidepressants at age 8? wow.  in practice antidepressants are fairly safe for long term use - usually untreated mental illness confers more risks. ", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "75w4os", "comment_id": "75w4os"}, {"question": "outside of the hospital/clinic (i.e., at your child\u2019s school), how do you introduce yourself?", "description": "this definitely isn\u2019t a medical issue, but i\u2019m not sure where to ask this. my dad is a physician, but he doesn\u2019t ever introduce himself as dr. when he\u2019s not working. is this common? and if my significant other were to address him, is dr. too pretentious?", "answer": "in a situation that calls for honorifics, a \"doctor\" in place of mr./mrs./ms. would be reasonable. and traditional, but in most circumstances i think a few decades out of date. in most situations i'll introduce myself by my first name. i guess i don't go to enough black tie events that it's come up!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9s7g2l", "comment_id": "9s7g2l"}, {"question": "when is a hug ok?", "description": "i am a manager. my employee told me her grandfather had passed away and so i initiated a hug.   she did not seem to mind and from my point of view appreciated my sympathy. my wife was visiting my work when this happened and thinks the hug was inappropriate since i am her direct supervisor and i have only known her for 2-3 months. she thinks i need more boundaries in a work place setting.  the employee is a pretty attractive woman and even though i am her direct supervisor, i see her as more of a peer/ coworker.   your opinion please.", "answer": "i got hugs from several tsa officers this past weekend thanks to looking like shit from grieving my dog\u2019s passing. i didn\u2019t feel that it was inappropriate of them and definitely would not have any complaint for any hr department.  i feel like death is one of those things that makes hugs okay as long as the person is open to it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ce9mgd", "comment_id": "ce9mgd"}, {"question": "first day on klonopin - normal to sleep all day?", "description": "hey,   today is my first day on klonopin and i've almost literally slept all day. is this normal?  (anxietyadventures.wordpress.com)", "answer": "yes- it is basically a sedative.  be careful with it, and don't take it for too long. benzodiazepines like that are notoriously addictive. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "w6ybo", "comment_id": "w6ybo"}, {"question": "examples of fallacious arguments for psychiatry you may see.", "description": "irrelevant appeal to authority:  \"dr.[insert name here] graduated from a good college with a phd. and says that prescribing lsd for autism is a viable strategy, therefore it is.\"  ad hominem:  \"how can you believe the argument of a crazy person, when by definition: they are crazy!\"(this also is fallacious for other reasons too.)  post hoc ergo propter hoc:  \"my life improved after i took [insert psychiatric drug or trial drug that may have been a placebo] therefore it must've helped me!\"  circular reasoning:  \"autism is a disability, because it is listed as a disability.\"  missing middle fallacy:  \"you either take antipsychotics for adhd or stimulants.\"  equivocation:  \"how could you be against getting help when you get help all the time.\"  antipsychiatric fallacies you see a lot:  psychologists fallacy(the irony):  \"i was restrained, shocked, and tortured by psychiatry. therefore psychiatry is evil.\"  i didn't list all of them and please list more in the comments. also i couldn't think of anymore antipsych fallacies.", "answer": "logic is a very useful tool for determining what is true or untrue. it is necessarily useless for evaluating the premises that are the basis of logical evaluation\u2014any such use would be circular. and for value judgments, whether something is good or bad, useful or useless, logic is very frequently misused.  this post is helpful if you're concerned about finding logical fallacies. finding fallacies may undermine an argument, but it doesn't let you either evaluate the premises or the conclusion. that would be denying the antecedent, or informally the \"fallacy fallacy.\"  both psychiatry advocates and anti-psychiatry advocates can and do use bad formal logic all the time. people use bad logic; it's a human flaw. that cannot, in itself, be used to draw any conclusions except, perhaps, that there exist some members of a given group who are bad logicians.  it's easy to get caught up in dissecting the syllogisms and losing sight of the actual question at hand.", "topic": "antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7ulcfe", "comment_id": "7ulcfe"}, {"question": "how to get over it.", "description": "i recently cut all ties with the girl i was in love with for two years. it is clear that we will most likely never be close again. please give me some advice on how to get over her, i feel so drained and now i feel like i have no purpose in life, kinda like a part of me was taken away.", "answer": "grief takes time...  you'll get there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mtdpj", "comment_id": "5mtdpj"}, {"question": "i\u2019m still receiving bills from my suicide attempt", "description": "i have insurance, i didn\u2019t ask for this hospital stay it was court ordered. and yet the bills have been rolling in for months. be advised if you plan to call for \u201chelp.\u201d", "answer": "damn i am so sorry!! by help do you mean a crisis hotline? i'm glad that you're still here...doesn't sound like these were physical injuries which is good. but financial debt is no joke!!   anyway, i used to work for a crisis hotline. if anything, do not say you're about to harm yourself, but do call. emphasize what you feel but don't focus on a plan to carry it out. even if you do have one, it will only work against you. what callers need is connection, and these additional details will not help in that. sure it will give you more time with the hotline but thats only because authorities are coming out. some hotlines will stay with you a long time without expressing a definitive plan. if one call is brief, call another, and then another...call all over the country. i'm sorry your reaching out for support ended this way. also i'm sorry if i misunderstood the sequence of events. i just want to encourage other redditors to call crisis hotlines as a former crisis counselor with periodic suicide ideation.", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "d53f4b", "comment_id": "d53f4b"}, {"question": "debate about kids.. how to move forward?", "description": "me [30/m] and my girlfriend [29/f] are having discussions about whether we want to have kids.   her stance: yes, definitely and rather sooner than later (within next few years). my stance: definitely not now, but some day but i don't know when.   as you can imagine this is giving some stress as i don't want to commit to something at this point in time and have the expectation to give my gf kids in the next few years. for me, when i'm 35-36 or so it might be ok, but i can not predict this. for my gf, considering also her age, in 5-6 years from now will take too long.   we both love each other a lot and everything else is fine in our relationship. however, i am not sure how to move forward right now. my gf is afraid to break up and be left alone, needing to find a new partner and have kids which will also take some years perhaps. at the same time, for me giving that 'promise' feels very much like being put in a corner and i just want to be free.   what do? this is so sad.", "answer": "this convo should happen in the early stages of a relationship. it's deal breaker if you're not on the same page", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rqqvg", "comment_id": "6rqqvg"}, {"question": "is it ok to have hallucinations right after waking up?", "description": "i'm 21, male. it started a year ago. i would wake up in the morning or the middle of the night and think that clothes on chairs or couches were people. they were mostly speeping to and as i was sleepy i'd just get back to sleep without reacting. it rarely happened but then started happening more often. lately it happens once every two weeks or so. yesterday i woke up from a nap and thought a friend was there and talking and i was naked so i rolled into a blanket and today a similar situation happened. sometimes i wake up during the night because i hear people talking in the other room and i'm annoyed but then just go back to sleep. i think it's because i still have the dreaming process happening after waking up so i hallucinate. maybe my brain produces more dmt? i'm not worried about it, i just find it very interesting and i'm pretty sure it's not normal so i'd like to know more. edit: looks like i have a condition(?) called hypnopompic hallucinations. fun times!", "answer": "you beat me to it - yes it sounds like hypnopompic hallucinations, which are normal.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6jvf2a", "comment_id": "6jvf2a"}, {"question": "i could not have done any of this had i been drinking", "description": "last day of my vacation with my children. driving home/hope. this has reaffirmed my humanity. this would not have happened had i not stopped drinking.  i love my kids so much. i will not drink today.", "answer": "well done. holidays can be tough with kids in ways too... but definately not made easier by hangovers.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfyj8w", "comment_id": "cfyj8w"}, {"question": "always drowsy adhd-i? depression?", "description": "i try and eat healthy and exercise daily but i am always tired when i get to class. i can't focus and i just feel like sleeping all day. once i get home and turn on my computer i am awake. i take sleeping medicine at 9pm and go to bed at 9:30pm and i am still exhausted the next day.  my aunt is on narcolepsy medication and i mentioned it to my doctor but he said its dangerous and could make me manic. i think i already get manic at night ,but during the day i am a potato.  6'2\", 185lbs, male  i have no idea what to do to improve my quality of life and i am not a social person. i get irritated easily. my personality is intj and people say i am a pessimist / critical person.", "answer": "agreed with another comment that you ought to get a workup done. if you are always tired yet eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep, then it would be good to rule out any medical causes. also, many sleeping medications can have lasting effects into the next day, depending on dose and how late you take it- so talk to your doc about that if you haven't already.  might consider seeing a psychologist for a psychological assessment/testing- especially if (by your title) you seem to believe that adhd or depression could be a cause. they might also be able to either point you in the right direction as far as treatment services, or provide you with those services to improve your quality of life. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3064bl", "comment_id": "3064bl"}, {"question": "need some advice", "description": "hey guys, i\u2019ve been having trouble talking to someone and i wanted to ask for some advice, or insight, whatever you have to offer. i\u2019ve had trouble overthinking a lot and it always makes taking risks difficult for me, i wanted to ask if any of you knew why you overthink and maybe how to overcome it.", "answer": "it's just a part of normal anxiety.  everyone has it and has their own unique way of managing it.  whenever you put yourself out there with someone whether platonic or romantic there's going to be a chance of rejection.  nobody likes to be rejected.  it hurts!  being courageous is having that anxiety (which we all have) and doing what you want or need to do anyway.  sometimes you succeed and it's awesome, sometimes you fail and it sucks.  every time you fail though, you both learn something and toughen up a little, so long as the failure doesn't send you back in to a state of avoiding things that bring up your anxiety.     i could comment more specifically if you can give some more specifics.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b5riyr", "comment_id": "b5riyr"}, {"question": "is eating wholegrains unhealthy?", "description": "i'm in my late 20s, born in australia, have slovenian and english background.   known issues: hypertension, mental illness, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, chronic fatigue, asthma, elevated crp in blood tests (labs say <5 is normal, mine over the past year has been 12-18).  i am morbidly obese (1.8 metres tall, 154kg) and am trying to lose weight. ultimately i want to be healthier and take better care of myself.   i read some literature from dr. michael moseley recently which suggests eating whole grains isn't a good idea, but the current australian dietary guidelines suggests they're a key part of a healthy diet. i did research online and became more confused as it seems to be a point of contention amongst health professionals.  i have three questions:   1. how much exercise would you usually recommend to a beginner who has been medically cleared to perform exercise?  2. do you recommend whole grain foods to a person who is morbidly obese? 3. do you know what can cause persistent mildly elevated crp?", "answer": "1. exercise as tolerated. start with brisk walking and build up.  2. i would take professional organizations\u2019 guidelines over a specific person. whole grains are recommended over non-whole, but the most important thing is reducing overall calories in.  3. nonspecifically, inflammation. that includes metabolic syndrome from obesity.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "apfnqv", "comment_id": "apfnqv"}, {"question": "i'm progressively becoming more and more unsure of my relationship.", "description": "i've been with my (20f) boyfriend (20m) for a little over a year. i love him so much, but not only in the past few months has my life in general hit a rough patch, so has my relationship. when we first got together i felt like i could look outside of my own body and see something beautiful, and warm. now i feel like i see something that is becoming more and more corrupt. it feels especially like we've switched roles since we first started out together. he was going through a hard time (depression), and i had just gotten in a better place from suffering. it felt like he couldn't get enough of me, and i know i couldn't of him either. i was there for him, we were so happy. we never fought, it was perfect. it felt like from day one we truly knew each other. it wasn't hard to become such a big part of each other's lives. anyways, he was going through a hard time. was all over me. blah blah. i'm the kind of person who loves being close, physically and emotionally. and i'm especially the kind of person who nurtures people i love. if anyone i know had ever had a personal dilemma, they've always told me. i love helping people, and making them feel better. so i did that for him, or at least i tried my hardest. but now, within the past few months i feel like it's switched, i don't feel as good anymore, and it's my own fault for not ever telling him that, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what's happening. a couple of months ago, our fighting had reached a considerable peak, and he told me he doesn't feel happy with me. but part of me thinks he just said that for intensity. he said he feels like i'm always telling him what to do, but really every single thing that i ask he just flat out says no to. then if i argue about it (which i admit, i'm quite stubborn), and get my way, then i feel like an ass. i can't win no matter what i do, or what happens. a few days ago, i broke down and told him how i feel. really all of this that i've just said. he was amazing, he listened and for the first time in months i honestly felt like he truly wanted to be with me. fast forward to last night, he fell asleep, and refused to get out of the bed so that i could wipe the crumbs out from the food i'd just had. he's extremely difficult when he's tired. anyways, this is the kind of thing we fight about. stupid things. my argument was pretty clean cut in my opinion; please get up for 20 seconds so that i can clear the bed so that i too can go to sleep. it's things like this, all of the time. which is why i don't really see it as true that i'm so \"bossy\". i just feel like a bother to him most of the time. he can never give me a break on something. he doesn't see that i'm hurting and and help me the way that i tried to help him, but he isn't really good at that kind of thing so i can't completely blaim him. he says he'll try to be more flexible if i ask for things but thus far (as in 2 instances in 2 days) has not been true. i do love him, and he's my best friend. but lately it seems like he doesn't mind being apart from me, in fact he even wants it. i've been so afraid to think about the reality of the situation. it just feels like the more i think about it, it's him and not me. i feel like i need someone who's more like me, but i'm afraid to have another relationship just to find that all relationships eventually change in a somewhat negative way. if nobody responds to this, that's fine. i mainly just wanted to get this out of my head for a minute. ", "answer": "go to couples counseling. it works well for this type of issue.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o8dgh", "comment_id": "5o8dgh"}, {"question": "my [37m] mental health case manager [30sm] at an adult day program i attend told us during group that he poisoned his neighbor's cat for pooping near his patio. [professional relationship]", "description": "so i attend a adult day program for people with behavioral/mental health problems. a few months ago my previous case manager left the company and i was transferred to a newly hired cm named bill (name changed). i have not been terribly impressed with him and spoke to the director after a couple weeks, mostly just asking how qualified he was. [edit- at that time she said he was very highly recommended, has a masters in social work, so i thought i'd give him a chance]  yesterday during a men-only group with about 10 people in the room the conversation drifted to his neighbors. he said their cat pooped near his patio, and that it wasn't the first problem with this neighbor. long story short, he basically said he poisoned the cat which was found dead the next day.  i was shocked actually but i didn't say anything. then he made light of it by saying \"bet you won't be comin' round my part of town\" (he and i happen to live in the same town). but the more i think about this, it's not only cruel but i think it reflects his ability to do his job. should i report this to the director? i'm thinking i should.", "answer": "this is highly disturbing. as a group therapy facilitator, i'm surprised he is even talking that much about himself. any self disclosure for a therapist should be thought through beforehand, and this certainly not a piece of self disclosure that would be beneficial for the group. i would report this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4xd81x", "comment_id": "4xd81x"}, {"question": "my (21 f) therapist (30s?? m) 3.5, made me really uncomfortable at our last session but he might have just been doing his job (x-post from r/relationships)", "description": "hi, i posted this in r/relationships earlier but it was shut down due to the topic being sexual assault. i've resubmitted it and am waiting on that but i thought maybe y'all could help me here.  hello friends, i'm gonna try to give you as much info as i can without identifying myself or anyone. i'm 21 year old senior at a large university, i've been suffering from major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since i was 8. i've been on medication since i was 10.  brief background: having been on the same medication for over a decade, the pills stopped working and i had a relapse of my symptoms. this has happened before, usually they increase my dose but i wanted to change meds. i found a psychiatrist after looking for 4 months (fuck the mental health system) through my university counseling system, and part of seeing him meant seeing a therapist. that's fine, no biggie. i started seeing my therapist, seymour at the beginning of june.  seymour is a lcsw, so he is not a licensed psychologist, but that probably doesn't matter. i was sexually assaulted while studying abroad about a year ago, and then someone attempted to assault me again this summer. it affects my life in some ways now, in that i've sworn of dating or relationships for the time being, but that's another story. i was also in a really bad relationship with a catastrophic breakup from my freshman to sophomore year of college. i told seymour about the assault and stuff, not in like detail but just that it happened, and it was a situation where i had consented and then the person did not stop when i asked him repeatedly because it hurt, and i was crying out in pain. i have not told seymour about the bad relationship.  the actual problem: i'm sorry this is so long i tried to condense it as much as i could! seymour encourages me a lot to talk to the resources we have on campus for sexual assault and group meetings, but i have no interest in doing this. i realize i should deal with this eventually but my depression that recurred this summer is my current concern (and this relapse goes far beyond the assault and all the other relationship stuff), and i have told him this. one time this summer i had a particularly depressive episode where i ended up in a crisis clinic on suicide watch. when i went to see him during this episode, he asked me if i was on my period. i understand he might have been concerned about pmdd but it seemed odd to me, as my period had never been a topic of discussion before.  last week, at our weekly session, he asked me how my sex life was. i told him i was staying single for a while, for a variety of reasons. he asked me how much of that had to do with the sexual assault, and i told him it was a big factor but i'm okay with it for now. then, he asked me if i masturbated. this shocked me so much, and i was horrified. he told me it was because sometimes sexual assault victims stop finding pleasure in sexual contexts, which i understand but i was so taken aback and uncomfortable i asked if we could talk about something else. i rambled on about some extra curricular activities and then left.  i have another session with him again this week but i'm still really uncomfortable when i think about seeing him again. i don't think he did anything wrong but i really don't want to go back. was he just doing his job when he asked me that, and should i go back to see him again?  tl;dr: i was sexually assaulted and my therapist tries to get me to talk about it a lot and asked me if i masturbated and i am extremely uncomfortable.", "answer": "before i get into anything, first i just want to say that you are really brave, and i am really sorry you are going through this.  also, you should seriously give yourself a pat on the back for speaking up for yourself during that session!!  i'm impressed, that takes a lot of courage and strength.  don't let anyone tell you differently. i'm not one to step on other practitioner's toes because none of us are perfect, and not every session goes the way we expect or want it to.  as someone who has worked with many survivors of sexual assault, and trauma in general, i probably wouldn't have asked if you masturbated for the simple fact that it's none of my business.  as i noticed freeoppression noted about many therapists, we don't go there unless you do, *unless* i had compelling reason to believe something else might be going on.  if that were the case, i would seek permission before asking and offer an explanation as to why i would be curious.  then, we'd process.  all of that said, it's difficult to be definitive when it comes to therapy.   frankly, it sounds a little like seymour may be in over his head.  has he explained his theoretical approach to treatment?  have you and seymour collaboratively come up with specific treatment goals you'd like to work on during treatment?  has he introduced any interventions?  i ask these questions because, if the answer is \"no\" to any of these, he may just have no idea what he's doing.  when you don't know what you're doing, especially in situations where you don't want to say the wrong thing, it seems that you inevitably say the wrong thing.  do you have any inkling that seymour may be anxious or uncomfortable during your sessions?  a lack of knowledge or skill may explain his repeated attempts to redirect you to other campus resources, but i could be wrong.  although those resources can be of benefit to some survivors, they aren't for everyone, and i can understand why you wouldn't want to.  if you already told seymour you aren't interested, which it sounds like you have, more than once, seymour needs to back off.  or, perhaps, ask you if it would be okay to check back in with you in a couple months to see if you might feel differently.   i can only speculate about what happened, but what i do know is that seymour crossed a line, whether he intended to or not.  the most important person in your therapeutic relationship with seymour is you.  you felt shocked and uncomfortable (i'm using your words), which is not the goal of therapy.  if you choose to go back, i would encourage you to bring up what you've discussed here, if you feel comfortable.  as i mentioned before, therapists are human and they can really put a foot in their mouths, but what matters most is you.  believe it or not, mistakes like this, if discussed and processed well, more often than not enhance the therapeutic relationship.  if can give both of you a foundation to build on and learn from.   trust your instincts.  ", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "54upln", "comment_id": "54upln"}, {"question": "need advice- toxic relationship, or over analysing?", "description": "i've [27f] been with my parter [27m] since 20yo, and was very damaged and insecure at 20. i'm now much more confident and starting to see some elements in him that concern me. am i being overly picky? we've talked openly about how he knows he scores highly on the 'dark triad', has high capacity for manipulation, but he tries to lead a moral life. he usually does, more than others i know, much to his credit. but he's said that if he was with a weaker woman,he would just get bored and manipulate her, making her feel that she was never good enough despite her doing everything for him. when he is really tired, he looks to upset me- not hugely, because i'll get irritated enough to have a fight (he hates conflict outright) by enough to know i'm hurt. he is also not genuinely happy (i feel) when i achieve something. my career is challenging, while he's stagnated. he's going to university this year, and wants to beat all my high marks 'so i will be proud of him', but that feels 'off' to me. hes also quite critical at times, to the point where i feel he thinks i can't do anything right. he's suffering from depression, and getting help now, but i've had this uneasy fear for a while now. usually he's lovely, caring, shares housework, is supportive of my career, but these dark spots worry me because what will he be like if i can no longer leave easily? ie pregnant/have kids etc. i guess since it's my first/only long term relationship, i don't have any perspective. please be gentle, it's my first post, fake account. ", "answer": "sounds like he's bogged down within himself. he should see a therapist, and when his depression subsides, re-evaluate. 'dark triad' is something a professional should diagnose", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v44t6", "comment_id": "5v44t6"}, {"question": "asking for a discount on rent", "description": "we moved into our new rental house on 3/1 and i reported that the current laminate floors were water damaged and coming apart. my landlord acted pretty quickly. she got someone in there to take up the floors and find the source of the water leak. not only that, but we got new floors! we were walking on the concrete for 7 days before everything got done and i was thinking about asking for a discount, as i thought it should have been taken care of before we moved in.  my question is, what is a reasonable amount to ask for as a discount on my rent? i've never asked anything like this before. our rent is $795 a month.  thanks!", "answer": "she won't do it.  sorry.  instances where landlords are obligated to discount rent/compensate tenants are *extremely* few and far between.  especially not for a cosmetic thing like this.    i suppose this varies based on legalities in your area, but i don't see great odds here.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "34ffsy", "comment_id": "34ffsy"}, {"question": "with fiance for almost 10 years and still feel unloved, unaccepted, and unappreciated by fiance's family.", "description": "for background my fiance has not had a close relationship with his family though he does with his grandma (whom i adore and who shows us a lot of interest and love) who babysat him all the time. he was verbally/emotionally abused by his father growing up and yelled at for not performing to his fathers' standards in golf or in school, and it typically happened whenever his father (sober for about 5 years now) was drunk. his mother never stepped in and also agreed with his father whenever he would be yelled at. his younger brother was even yelled at to the point of fainting from anxiety when he was just 3 or 4 years old, and needed to be taken to the er. the doctor summed it up to \"anxiety\" and his family views it as his brother having anxiety, and not that being screamed at caused his anxiety. my fiance also has issues with communication and suppressing his feelings which i attribute to his upbringing by his parents. he's even had issues with suicidal ideation in the past.  now that his father is sober, they act like all of that never happened and it was never discussed that what they did to their sons was wrong. his brother has a complex and absolutely adores their parents. fiance tells me this is also the reason he decided to go to boarding school on another island when he was accepted in freshman year of high school. i've had issues with his parents since we began dating in high school. for starters when i was introduced to his mom, my memory of her is saying \"and who is this?\" referring to me, and then after being introduced, not being asked any conversational questions but either going back in the house of continuing to only talk to my fiance. our relationship has continued to be awkward with me feeling uncomfortable because she would seldom try to make conversation with me or get to know me, and would direct her attention only to her son to talk gossip or ask questions that i would not be involved in.  whenever i'd give them gifts from my fiance and me, i don't receive a thank you or acknowledgement. yet, i make it a point to thank them and they are sure to say \"you're welcome\" but can never thank me.  we recently went home to the island we're both from. since knowing we were going to get engaged, i told him we should start staying together instead of each others' parents houses separately in anticipation of how it's going to be when we're married. we have been staying at my parents house for about a year whenever we go home for holidays or special occasions because i feel more comfortable, and we actually have a bed to sleep on instead of at his parents' house where it's too hoarded to have a free bedroom or bed available.  they haven't asked us about our wedding plans or any way that they could help. my fiance says that it was the same way when he was growing up - that he'd have to ask them for stuff --even essentials for school -- as if they were holding a power trip.  anyways, on our most recent trip home, i had made sure he invited his parents to my family's christmas party. they responded \"ok\" but never showed up. they weren't even going to tell us that they werent coming until my fiance texted them asking if they were coming. i was extremely offended that they didnt even have the decency to say that they couldn't make it, but then i let it go.  the next morning on christmas day, i texted them both saying merry christmas and that we still had their gifts because we thought we'd see them the night before. the father texted back with no \"thank you\" but that they (he, fiance's mom, and younger brother) were watching their friends' daughters open christmas gifts.  his mom then texted my fiance separately \"when are you coming to get your gifts?\" at this point i was pissed off. my parents drop stuff off things they want to share such as food and things from the garden at their house all the time, yet they never make the effort to drop off stuff at my parents' house to give things they have to share. it's always as if we have to go to them and that we should be thankful that we get stuff from them. it's so twisted.  she asked again when his flight was so my fiance just told her we would stop by before going to the airport (instead of going to spend time with them). when we went over, the same thing happened where i gave them their gifts addressed from fiance and i and not a single thank you.   our reoccurring arguments come with me feeling hurt, ignored, and unappreciated by his family. my fiance's solution is to avoid contact with them and to have them make the effort to talk to or see us, but i come from a close knit family and am having a hard time with the fact that he doesn't even tell them when they're wrong or doing hurtful or rude things to us. i want to do couples therapy but fiance says that it's just going to be being told everything that he already knows that's messed up with his family. is the avoid contact thing best to do??? i feel like it just invalidates my feelings because it does not let them know how their behavior affects me and their son.", "answer": "no one should be in a rel. more than a year without commitment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5l5l1y", "comment_id": "5l5l1y"}, {"question": "budding relationship between 25/m and 26/f -- need advice on establishing a healthy base for a partnership.", "description": "hey all, thanks for indulging me.  i just started graduate school in august and after a little socializing with my cohort, i met one of the girls and we really hit it off. without getting into too much detail about the courtship process, we're not at the point where we've both directly stated our feelings and our interest.  i'm excited, but a little terrified. i've had bad luck with relationships up until this point -- my last girlfriend was when i was 21 (i'm the 25m), and the past few years has been a long, lonely road where i had to get used to being alone and learn to accept who i was. this was hard but also good experience for me in the long run. however, i've been out of the game so long that i'm afraid i'm going to mess everything up due to lack of experience. this woman is beautiful and so much of what i always wanted in a partner when i was wallowing in my depression over being alone -- my anxiety has raised the stakes of the situation and i just need a little help coming up with a game plan. the connection i feel with this person is very deep. when i\u2019m with her i feel safe, heard, seen and accepted. i\u2019m enchanted with her and i have reason to believe she feels the same way towards me, but my history with relationships has planted a seed in my expectations \u2013 i can\u2019t shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen, like i\u2019ll be hurt for the umpteenth time. i guess i\u2019m afraid to fully commit to the relationship because it\u2019s been relationships that have hurt me the most in my life. there are so many wonderful things about her that i thought i\u2019d never get to have in a partner again, and i want to be happy about this situation so badly but i\u2019m just so afraid of being hurt that i can\u2019t relax.  whatever this is between us, i really want to make it something good for the both of us. i think i really do have the capacity to love this woman and i think she feels the same way about me \u2013 we\u2019re both in graduate school together preparing for our \u201ctrue\u201d adult lives and i know that if we maintain a good relationship right now then we\u2019re likely to move onto our next phase of life together which is\u2026 exciting and terrifying. the other night she asked me if i wanted kids at any point in my life \u2013 it kind of freaked me out at first, but i guess we\u2019re at that point in our lives where some people are starting to care about that a lot more. to me it sent a message that said \u201ci see us working in the long-term, but it\u2019s important that this is something we both want.\u201d is this too much too fast? or is it just being straightforward and honest?  we\u2019re both going to meet up tomorrow night (the 24th), and talk about a few things \u2013 our past relationships, our patterns and how we\u2019re feeling about what we\u2019re feeling with each other. one of the only things keeping me from flinging into a panic is the sincere and genuine connection i feel when i\u2019m with her and also that she wants to have a constructive conversation about our past and where we are now. what are some things i should ask her? what are some boundaries i should think about putting up? if this is going to be a relationship, how can i make sure that we start on the right foot? i want to be close to somebody again, and i want it to be a safe experience for the both of us\u2026 so, what\u2019s your advice on making that happen, reddit?  ", "answer": "your thoughtfulness is the base! the key to any pairing is defining what you both want it to be, and sticking to it. keep talking and clarifying, and you can't go wrong!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788ghy", "comment_id": "788ghy"}, {"question": "buckle in, this is going to be a long one.", "description": "i (27f) don\u2019t know what to do for/ about my brother (24m)   he is severely depressed, i don\u2019t think he knows what being just \u201cok\u201d feels like. he has been this way since childhood. our mom died and we had a monster of a step mom, both of which contributed to his low self worth and complete lack of motivation.    i\u2019ve been called an enabler by my parents, neither of whom are very nurturing. my step mom is borderline mentally abusing and my dad is passive and brainwashed to agree with her so as to avoid blow ups.    through the years i have done what i thought were helpful things, paying his phone bill, buying him clothes, hand holding during processes like paying taxes or getting his oil changed. things he wouldn\u2019t always do on his own.    about three months ago he left a good job for a shady under the table job, all for the sake of a few more dollars an hour.  no one was surprised when a month later the shady job ghosted him. things like this are a pattern in his life. he does not think ahead and will leave a year round job for a seasonal job that pays a tiny bit more, with no plans for when that job ends.   as a result, he found himself displaced, losing his apartment when he couldn\u2019t pay rent.    i wasn\u2019t going to let him be homeless. i let him move into my new apartment. he was supposed to be here two weeks, until he could get a job and move in with his friend.    it has been over a month, he drinks a 6 pack a night, using a gift card from christmas (intended for gas) to pay for it and plays video games all day. his friend has flaked on him, i assume to avoid the situation i am in currently.   i am a full time college student. being able to pay rent and feed myself was stressful enough, without the added financial burden. i have told him how stressful paying for him has been and do think he feels bad.    when it got well past the point of taking advantage, i decided to set some rules. i gave him two weeks to get a job or pack his things. i also laid out a plan for my expectations on at what point i expect him to start helping with rent. in the meantime he is doing all the dishes and walking my dog when i\u2019m gone.    in a typical move for him, he continued to be generally unmotivated.  only  applying to only a handful of jobs online, waiting until two days before the deadline to job hunt outside the apartment. and, again, surprising no one, he got hired on the spot. he has always been just lucky enough to avoid most real life consequences.   i believe that at a certain point you can no longer blame your behavior on the past; once you acknowledge the problem there is no excuse for not trying to better yourself. which is why i struggle when it comes to my brother. i am torn between wanting to care for him and wanting him to better himself and be happy.  the ball is currently in my court since he is living with me for free until he squares his debts. i would like to enforce rules that deal with his underlying issues. i was contemplating a \u201cdry apartment\u201d rule and giving him a deadline to start seeing a therapist, something he has been open to in the past. the no alcohol rule is going to be tough, and he will be mad about it. i\u2019m not sure it can be all or nothing.    i am not sure what a reasonable level of rules would be, and i know i can\u2019t make empty threats about him moving out.   i don\u2019t know what to do or how to help him. all feedback is welcome.   tldr: i\u2019m potentially enabling my brother who is living with me for free. while he did get a job two days ago, i would like to enforce rules that address his underling issues of depression and potential alcoholism.", "answer": "no matter what you decide to do, the most important thing is that you are firm with your boundaries and consistent.  don't give him deadlines or consequences for breaking house rules and then not follow up with them or continuously extend deadlines.   i really like the idea of having it be a dry house.  i'd also suggest something like no using your internet/wifi, etc. for video games unless he is contributing towards rent/bills.    he's not going to be happy with any of this and will likely try to make you feel bad or look like the bad guy.    something important for good parents dealing with adult children living in their homes and siblings in situations like yours is this.  you love them.  you don't want them to be homeless.  you want to provide a safe place for them.  that doesn't mean that you have to provide a comfortable place for them.  in fact, the more comfortable a place you make it or allow them to have equal power without equal responsibility (ie. having a say in house rules, what they can/can't do, etc. while not paying half the rent/bills) the less likely they'll ever be to act responsibly and independently.     the idea is to make it so uncomfortable through not allowing them to do the things they want to do that they decide it would be better off to work hard and be responsible in order to pay for their freedom to do what they want in their own place.    ie. if i had a child who had graduated high school and was still living with me, i'd have them paying money for rent (which i'd probably secretly keep aside for them to create an emergency fund for down the line), helping out with chores, while still following all of my house rules and not giving them the full freedom of adulthood.    it likely wouldn't be long before they did what they needed to do to get their own place.  once they did that, i'd make sure i gave them plenty of praise and even reward them for taking the initiative with housewarming gifts and whatever else would help make them feel proud of moving out on their own.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "ezwfej", "comment_id": "ezwfej"}, {"question": "hello, i'm new to depression.", "description": "so, here's the game. i have a hard time making myself understood, and right now i'm emotional so it's going to be even worse.  i am 19, male, and feel more alone than i ever have before. i trashed my last relationship, and i feel destroyed from the breakup. i doubt myself in every human interaction i have, and lie through my teeth about how i feel to them. i'm supposed to be the strong and smart one. i've never felt smaller in my life.  i have my icnd exam in 10 days, and i don't think can pass it. this is the first stepping stone in my career choice to someday have my ccie(the equivalent of a bachelors in my field). i should have scheduled it two months ago when i finished the prep course.  my \"friends\" will not talk to me if i don't say hi first. 8 days is the longest i let this solitary life go before giving in.  my ex wants to be my friend, and i want that too, but i can not handle it. i try anyway for some semblance of acceptance and feeling of being wanted.  my family is not the worst, in fact i'd say my parents have done a lot of good for me. still, sitting there while they scream at each other day after day is wearing. my 4 siblings (i'm the oldest) squabble amongst each other just as much as my parents do, if not more.  i have no job and no vehicle, i ride a bicycle for miles. i feel trapped here, my bed and bathtub are my sanctuary.  i have $1800, it's what i've managed to put together for the last couple years.  i have no more drive to meet my goals, i can't logic this one into getting better like i used to, can't lie to myself anymore, i'm convinced i'm just an all round undesirable person.  tonight, after everyone goes to bed, i plan to cut my arm and bleed myself out. it's going to hurt, i'm going to regret it, but its the one thing i'm convinced is logical, i dont want to be an emotional and financial drain on the world any more.  edit: still alive. thank you guys, thanks to all of you. i spoke up, i got what i needed, and i'm here because of it. rebuilding from the ruins.", "answer": "this too shall pass.  it feels bad and endless and unchanging, but it's not.  you're just getting started in life.  entering adulthood is really hard.  but things will get better.  for right now, can you either postpone the exam, or if you don't pass it the first time, can you take it again?  see what your options are.  in the meantime, you have 10 days to study.  so do that.  the only way to get through life is to have a plan b.  sometimes you need a plan c, too.  heck, to get through graduate school i worked my way down to plan r.  you're not a drain on the world.  you're just a young person going through some hard times and you're scared and you feel shitty.  you've reached out by writing this post -- so keep reaching out.  if you're in the u.s., you can call the national suicide prevention lifeline:  1-800-273-8255.  don't give up on yourself and your goals.  you just need some help right now, and there's no shame in that at all.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17gvdr", "comment_id": "17gvdr"}, {"question": "[male/29] /r/relationship_advice, how do you develop self-love?", "description": "i've read over and over again that in order to truly love another, one should first commit to love oneself. and as i grow older, i have found this to be more and more true.  i am done being in and wanting relationships out of fear, neediness, or insecurity.  i want to change. i want to love myself. i want to become emotionally healthy before i make a dive into a potentially life-long commitment with another person. and i know that i need to break away from old and outdated thought patterns and self-sabotaging behaviors lurking in my subconscious.  but, i kindly ask for some guidance from the men and women here. what does self-love mean and how do i tangibly practice it?  is it not beating up myself over past regrets, misdeeds, and mistakes? if so, how do i break out of this thought pattern?  is it not blaming others for my lot in life? if so, how do i become more comfortable with taking my power back and instead of letting life happen to me, create my life on my own terms? lack of self-efficacy (which is strongly tied up with self-esteem) is a huge problem in my case. i want to blame my parents for raising me the way they did, but i also know that i am old enough to accept that it was the old me and begin shaping my mindset to be more healthy and empowered.  i should mention that i become much more aware of the kind of people i spend my time and energy with. i have been actively cutting of toxic people out for a good 5 years now. i have become more realistic about people and their ultimate intentions. the kid that believed that 'everyone is a good person' has grown up. i grudgingly forgive, but do not forget abusive patterns in people.  another thing i struggle with pleasing others. on a good day, i am very good about getting my point across and saying 'no' to things that don't mutually benefit me, but i often find myself relapsing to a meeker, weaker, and less authentic person on days where i don't feel the best and can't be bothered to get into an argument, and would rather keep the peace rather than make my needs known (this often crops up in workplace environments).  lastly, i want to know what true love means to you? the best definition of true love i have come across is this on reddit:  > time is to love as wind is to fire, it puts out the small ones but oh what it does to the big ones.  i ran into this quote just yesterday and it really speaks to me.  i want to experience this relationship. but, i also know that ultimately i have a lot of growing up and self-reflection to do. desperately.  any thoughts and comments would be appreciated. ", "answer": "you should find a therapist to discuss this with", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5klvkr", "comment_id": "5klvkr"}, {"question": "passion or money: putting pressure on myself", "description": "hi everyone,  i am a person living with bipolar, borderline, ocd, adhd, and alcohol/cocaine addiction. i have struggled intensely for many years. through strenuous effort and with the right treatment i have reigned in bpd, achieved abstinence from booze and drugs, and bipolar and ocd are in remission. i am doing better than i ever have.  currently i work in the mental health field as a peer support specialist and i absolutely love the work. i wake up every day excited to do it. i have so much talent also; i am very good at it. i eat, sleep, and breathe mental health recovery, and have made it my life's work to pass that recovery on to others. i believe so strongly in public service and the recovery model. i want to make a maximum positive impact on my community. after years of struggling with mental health and searching for my talents and passions, it feels like i've finally arrived.  here's the thing though: i come from an upper middle class family that puts high value on academic success and professional careers. my dad is a senior/lead engineer and makes 10k per month after taxes. my extended family is much the same. all upper middle class professionals. engineers, lawyers, etc. growing up i had this expectation of myself that i would be as well. i feel so inferior that i haven't been able to be that person. the values instilled in me tell me i have to have that brand new bmw, that nice house, tile floors, etc. it's hard to be grateful for what i have.  i was an accounting major briefly for this reason. i am a very bright student. i get a's no problem, but due to mood cycling, addiction, and rapidly changing interests, it was difficult to stay focused and engaged. accounting went well. straight a's for a year of classes. i took to it right away. here's the thing though, i don't want to be an accountant. accountants often work 60-70 hours per week in high stress, high pressure environments. that would be very difficult for me to do, and even if i could do it, i flat out don't want to. for me, 70k per year (average accountant salary) is not worth that much of my time and that much stress. there is also an msw or psyd degree, but the stress of being a clinician makes in unappealing, not to mention i believe more in the peer model than the clinical. but again, a part of me tells me i \\*should\\*. an accounting career or an msw is my path to that middle class life i believe i should have.  my passion lies in what i'm doing. i love every moment of it. i really feel like i have this opportunity to do something i'm truly passionate about, and that is a gift. and it's not like my taste is extravagant anyway. i am totally comfortable with a minimalist lifestyle. i don't give a s\\*\\*\\* about having the \"best\" of anything.  i don't know. sorry if this sounds stupid. could use some perspective. or maybe i just wanted to vent.", "answer": "consider this. if you hadn\u2019t found passion and purpose being in the mental health field - where would your own mental health and ability to function be at?   everything you are saying, it\u2019s quite clear being an accountant/high paying job with low fulfillment would not be good for you, nor is it something you want.   your family would most likely rather have you working in mental health, with your own health managed, than not working at all.   your values do not have to be the same as your parents. my dad is an engineer and put similar pressure on me. less about material things more about paycheck numbers. he still does but over the years through a lot of effort we\u2019ve improved our communication so he understands why i chose this and what i want in my life. now he sends me emails of mental health / addiction news articles heh.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c79rf8", "comment_id": "c79rf8"}, {"question": "interested in my neighbor?", "description": "i live with a few of my friends, who have friends from their student org (girls) as neighbors. i am pretty attracted to one of the girls, and we seem to get along well. however, she\u2019s been coming to the house only when at least of my friends is at home. that being said, i actually don\u2019t know her that well but i want to get to know her better. how do i move from here?", "answer": "ask her on a date.  figure out what the two of you have in common, tell her you were planning on doing _______ sometime soon and you'd love if she'd join you.  get her number or contact so you can let her know when you have solid plans.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9rin70", "comment_id": "9rin70"}, {"question": "open relationship with my boyfriend?", "description": "recently, my boyfriend asked me to be in an open relationship. background: we have been dating for over two years and live together. he has frequently said he loves me like hes never loved anyone and that he wants to marry me someday.  about two months ago, i lost my job and had problems that kept me from going to school. i was broke and depressed. despite his begging me to live with him and be monogamous and supportive, he began arguing with me about money which had me feeling more depressed and hopeless. so, i applied for a good paying job in a city. (we live in a rural \u00e1rea with few jobs).   i got a call back for the job and that vey day, i received news that my grandmother died so we both decided i may as well go to the interview as id have to head south anyway.  after two weeks of talking with him about this, i had his blessing, i took the job and left for the city and stayed at a friends. every night he called me and we talked for hours, missing each other. a few days later, i couldnt take it and he was sad to\u00f3 so i asked him how he felt about me going back. he was happy and agreed. we made terms that we would be supportive, loving and exclusive. i quit my job and went back.  he kept telling me he loves me wants to marry eventually and have my children. we had been having a great time and we had been exclusive (or so i thought).   a few days ago he asked to be open because he met a girl. they had already gone on a few dates  i have always typically consideres poly reasonable and natural but instead i feel betrayed. i left a job and we agreed to be mon\u00f3gamos just a month ago. he is the inscure type so i have to reassure him constantly that im faithful. now i feel we live a double standard relationship. i am angry at him for letting me leave a job and making me agree to terms he broke quickly.    see, ive been exclusive with him for years. i asked him if id be #1 or #2 and he said #1 for now. he is trying to blame me as its my fault because i left for that job for a few days. i feel hurt because we talked about my job for 2 weeks and agreed. he begged me to come back and now i feel left on my ass. i dont know what to do  update: i got the girls number and called her  without my boyfriend knowing. she told me he had been lying to her to\u00f3, saying he was breaking up with me. she said they had slept together on a lunch break of his. he had told me they never even kissed.", "answer": "yes that certainly is a betrayal. it seems that you want a monogamous relationship and unless he can commit to you as fully as before i don't think the relationship is going to be what you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdqaf", "comment_id": "5wdqaf"}, {"question": "do you think my therapist being 100% reasonable? what would you do?", "description": "so around a month ago i overdosed, not to die or to hurt myself, but just because i was having a meltdown and felt i needed to be hospitalized. i took myself to the er and didnt end up getting hospitalized.   since that happened, my therapist insists that i need a higher level of care and is making me do a dbt group. if i dont do that group, i am not allowed to see him anymore.  i dont feel the group is best for me, because group settings upset me so so much, i always end up having a meltdown, and i feel like it would do more harm than good. despite this i would still be will to do a group only if i could keep it separate and not have the therapists talk - but that is not an option.   im pretty frustrated because i feel like he is only forcing me into this group in cover his ass in case i hurt myself - which i am not going to. im doing better than i ever have. i have no suicidal thoughts, im enrolled in school for the first time in a long time, i have a job, i volunteer, all that good stuff. im trying to get him to compromise with me, but he will not budge. i understand his perspective, but i feel like he doesnt 100% understand mine (i can go into detail of why i dont want this group if anyone wants). as as therapist what would you do in this situation?   ive been seeing him for a year, hes really the only person in my life that i can trust and talk to. just the thought of getting a new therapist upsets me.", "answer": "therapist here. sorry to hijack for a second here op, but i have something things that need to be said before i address your question.   first, i need to address my fellow therapists commenting on this thread - i\u2019m shocked that it appears to be common practice for some to terminate a client post suicide attempt. how in the world is that ethical? are you referring to a higher loc and then terminating? are you ensuring the ct is actually engaged in that loc before you terminate? do you resume with the ct once they have stabilized? the idea that you would close services when the ct is clearly in distress and in need of support is mind boggling. frankly, it could be seen as client abandonment, which is a violation of professional ethics for the nasw, apa and aca. all ethical codes also discuss appropriate termination, and there is no language that even suggests that it is appropriate to terminate if a ct temporarily requires a higher loc. so...yikes guys. big yikes.   alright, op - to a therapist, a suicide attempt is an indication that the services a client is currently receiving are not enough. a person who is actively suicidal, or has had a recent suicide attempt, needs more support than one hour a week can provide. i would generally advocate for a short term stay at a crisis stabilization unit post suicide attempt, even if the client didn\u2019t meet hospital level of care. but yes, the overarching goal is to have more eyes on my at-risk client, as well as additional support/services. not only would my license be at risk if i didn\u2019t take some kind of action, but i also probably wouldn\u2019t be able to continue in this profession if i lost a client to suicide knowing that i didn\u2019t take all the steps i could to keep them safe. we are human, we care, we worry, and yes, we cover our asses. it\u2019s all of those things.   i would encourage you to talk to your therapist about finding a different form of additional support if this particular group doesn\u2019t work for you. i think for the time being you will have to accept that he will insist on some type additional support, and hopefully understand why he is doing this. however, i think it\u2019s perfectly reasonable to research other types of treatment that would provide a comparable level of support as the dbt group and bring these to your next session to see what he thinks. in the end, remember that this is temporary. if you continue to stabilize, your therapist will eventually feel comfortable in returning to the previous level of care.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5yc6p", "comment_id": "c5yc6p"}, {"question": "21 year old male' having some immense pain when bowl movement.", "description": "so when my ass is full it gives me immense pain on left side of its inside no matter is its shit or gas. but when i go to toilet seat and finish my work it doesn't pains and neither bleeding. just pain. even after i have emptied out i still feel pain but too less to negligible unless again it starts to feel up. this happening since 3 days including today. i thought may be i'm constipating so i drunk lot of water but i was normal other day but pain was persistent. i'm also having mouth ulcer may be if it has any connection to my down side problem. i'm taking no medicine and no medical treatment and no other medical problem. my weight is 51kg, i'm indian vegetarian. thank you for help in advanve.", "answer": "no blood in poo, presumably.  you might still be constipated. keep up with the fluids.  [constipation](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6sbmj0", "comment_id": "6sbmj0"}, {"question": "suite mate keeps leaving sh*t stains on the toilet..what's my next move?", "description": "i share a bathroom/shower/kitchen area with another suite. me and my roommate are reasonably tidy and make efforts to keep the bathroom clean. the suite mate, we have never made contact with physically because we all work different shifts. but, we have a cleaning schedule posted on the wall as of two days ago to encourage this turd streaker to clean up his mess. first day after cleaning, shit stain. i wait to see if it disappears. nope. today, (two days later) looks like he loaded a 12 gauge and shit pumped a few rounds to the backboard. i'm just fed up with this dude, and right now i am heated but i want to be reasonable. i can go the sarcastic/humor route, but right now i want to fight this phantom shitter. what now reddit?", "answer": "...why not just talk to him about how that kind of bothers you and you would like it if he cleaned up after it. then maybe come up with a few suggestions on how to best clean it and what you would feel comfortable with as a solution. but you know,  together as a team. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "2ksc33", "comment_id": "2ksc33"}, {"question": "serious-need opinions on fianc\u00e9' getting too close to a guy at her work", "description": "so they work together in the same building. i've seen the conversations they have with each other and the content and type of relationship they have with each other makes me upset and uncomfortable. i've tried to talk to her about it and she said she would cut down talking and stop going for multiple walks with him during work.   as i've read messages since, i found she has not stopped at all and has been deleting messages between them two. he's about 40 married with 3 kids. she's is in her late 20's and is extremely attractive.   i sent him a message and told him how i felt but nothing has changed. and so i asked to have this conversation in person to get down to it and come up with a solution, with his wife there too. if he has nothing to hide from his wife surely he wouldn't mind right? but he's said no straight up.   my fianc\u00e9 has a very bubbly personality and people have often read it wrong to be flirting. but why is she deleting messages between them two?   i want your opinions and thoughts please. i'm 29 myself and have just gone through cancer, chemo and a major opp. the other week i made an attempt on my life because i couldn't handle it anymore. you can physically put me through pain but i cant handle lies. i've always been open and honest with her and have never cheated on her. she did cheat on me many years ago but i've let that go because we were both young dumb and i had a bit of a temper.   please tell me guys, what should i do? ", "answer": "it certainly seems that the personality dynamics that led her to cheat years ago are still operable in some way shape or form. if she is deleting messages left and right that's a major red flag. you have to have a big talk about your commitment to each other and what that entails", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdkmj", "comment_id": "5wdkmj"}, {"question": "ptsd and weed.", "description": "i'm not sure if i should post here as i feel weed isn't as addictive as basicly any other drug but i'm really having problems with it. i've been diagnozed with ptsd due to things that happend when i was younger. i've been smoking since age 12 (i'm 28 now) and try to stop occasionally, sometimes for a few weeks some times not even a few hours. i am in the process of getting help but there's a waiting list of about 7/8 months and i'm done having this shit dictate my life but the flashbacks/nightmares and not sleeping is draining my will. is there someone else also dealing with this, if so do you have any tips?  ​  sorry for bad grammar and typo's english isn't my mother tongue.", "answer": "come on over to r/leaves! lots of people there who know what it's like to struggle with weed. you don't have to do this alone.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "bek7ja", "comment_id": "bek7ja"}, {"question": "how can i secretly get my nephew medical care without his parents knowing? (mental health)", "description": "update: thank you so much for all your help, guys. so many good points were brought up and your advice helped a lot. i was up all night mulling things over, and in the morning i decided to tell my sister everything, before the kids woke up. she was glad i spoke up. this morning she drove the girls to school, but let her son stay home. when she got back from school dropoffs she took him out for the day. they went for a drive to the park, got lunch, and talked. when they got home, my nephew had a nap on the couch. i didn't ask what was said, but my sister said things were smoothed out a bit, communication-wise, and she is monitoring his mood. he will try the school counsellor again, and from there we will see what needs to be done treatment-wise for his health. she also said that she explained to her son my choice to betray his trust, and he understands. still, i will talk to my nephew, explain my choice to tell his parents, and apologise in person for spilling his secret. just to make sure we are ok. again, thank you everyone for your advice.  15m, 6+foot, ??kg, caucasian, no current medication (afaik), no drugs or drinking. in new zealand.  so tonight my nephew (15m) told me (25f) that he is struggling with what sounds like severe depression.  long story short, he is struggling with the usual symptoms: low self esteem, constant suicidal thoughts, previous self-harm (once), anxiety, inability to focus on schoolwork, inability to fall asleep, inability to get a decent sleep, and on top of all that, frightening memory gaps. he comes home from school and literally has no answer to the question: *\"how was school?\"* he doesn't know. he doesn't remember.  my nephew is terrified of speaking to his parents about this. **note:** they are incredible, supportive parents, but he hates to talk about this stuff and he is terrified of starting that conversation with them, because he is worried he will be forced out of his 'bottle it up' mentality. i have encouraged him to speak with his parents, but he adamantly refused. he specifically asked me not to tell his parents because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with them.  i don't want to betray my nephew's trust, but i know he needs better care and support than i can provide. i am living with the family at the moment, so i can offer at-home support. however, i think he needs to see a professional. these memory gaps are causing him to struggle in school, it's affecting his friendships, and it's affecting his home life. it's affecting his happiness. he is passively suicidal, but that could change at the drop of a hat. i want to know what i can organise for him without his mum and dad finding out and spilling the beans.. is he able to get therapy? does he need parental consent to try medications?  i know this isn't the typical 'askdocs' question, and i apologise. but i would really appreciate any advice you can give me. thank you in advance.", "answer": "every country has issues of payment. it\u2019s not the byzantine mess of out of pocket costs and insurance that the us has, but someone has to pay, and that means knowing what, if anything, needs to be done to access universal coverage. and making sure that a specific doctor is in that system and not private pay, which can also happen.  it may be nothing at all, but that\u2019s something to figure out first.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "irzugz", "comment_id": "irzugz"}, {"question": "how can i \"self harm\" without actually causing damage", "description": "so i'm just ready to punch a hole thru the fucking wall. i'm not depressed yet and i'm not anxious or mad. i'm just like all 3 at once and i wanna self harm and know cutting is bad so what else can i do?  i can't even do the rubber band thing cuz i take it to far and it ends up just as bad with cutting. ", "answer": "menthol eye drops (like rohto ice) or putting a hand in a bowl of ice and water until it goes numb are safer alternatives that still give a good bit of pain. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9vkgtk", "comment_id": "9vkgtk"}, {"question": "does it make me needy for wanting these things in a relationship?", "description": "i [23 yo female] recently got into a relationship with my boyfriend [26 yo m] whom i had been in a fwb situation for a little over a year  i had feelings for him early on and had settled for our fwb arrangement but late december he asked for us to be together  i figured all should be swell now, since a commitment from him was what i wanted right? to be honest, it seems like a bit of an awkward transition because now that we have the titles, we arent rly doing anything too differently. its mostly a very netflix and chill relationship. we spend a lot of time together and sometimes go see a movie or to eat, but now im left asking myself what do i even want out of a relationship? and why doesnt it feel right yet if im so in love with him?  apart from some anxiety i have about meeting his family/being integrated into his life, i kind of do wish he'd text me more, but at the same time it feels kinda ridiculous to ask someone to txt you more often because then itll feel like theyre doing it out of obligation and not because theyre genuinely thinking about you. i just got used to the way things were when we were just fwb and having him only message when he wanted to hang out.   part of me feels like hes not as emotionally available as he thinks he is. i also dont think he is intentionally trying to keep me at arms length (cus thats how it feels sometimes) and ive rly spent these past few days asking myself what i need and to be honest, i do need someone who i can contact on a daily basis... someone who wants to plan things for us to do, as much of homebody that i am. is this wanting too much? i feel like it makes me needy and i been trying to play it cool for too long i guess", "answer": "look at the big picture, not the details. if things are basically solid, relax and enjoy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzoed", "comment_id": "5pzoed"}, {"question": "i don\u2019t understand my own feelings?", "description": "it\u2019s difficult for me to even use the term depressed; one minute i\u2019m fine and the next i\u2019m uncontrollably sobbing, is this what being a normal woman is? everyone keeps telling me it\u2019s normal to feel like this and to get crazy mood swings, but i hardly think it\u2019s normal to get so desperately unhappy out the blue to want to take your own life? i\u2019m kind of at a loss where to turn now, or even if my friends are really friends. i lash out at the people i like the most and isolate myself for weeks and i think i\u2019m a horrible person. i get the worst social anxiety talking to new people to the point i don\u2019t see how i can make new friends.   i just feel so desperately lonely and i\u2019ve turned away from the people i love the most, but i don\u2019t know how to fix myself? ", "answer": "i understand how you feel, the same happens to me a lot.   we just have to remember that our feelings are real but may not reflect reality.  medication and therapy might help stabilize these things, but self care may also be very helpful to make you feel good.   mindfulness meditation is also helpful, but takes a little practice.  i hope this helps.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9q6k9l", "comment_id": "9q6k9l"}, {"question": "i think its my time", "description": "i really, truly want to overdose. thats all there is to it. my minds just empty i feel empty, too emotional, too empty to overthink. mental states are random, nothing significant has happened to make me want this. i hate this. i dont want to tell anyone. i hope people know i love them.", "answer": " call 911 or go to the emergency room. help is available and there is always a way out, even if you can\u2019t see it right now.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c2pkq7", "comment_id": "c2pkq7"}, {"question": "possible conversion disorder", "description": "my mom is 48f, 5\u20192\u201d, 171 lbs, caucasian. she\u2019s been having insanely bad head pain since 2-14 and we\u2019ve been to the er 4 times and our local neuroscience group twice. ct scan, mrv, mri, and spinal taps have all come back 100% clean and nothing is medically endangering her. what i believe is triggering this from some research i did is repressed memories being turned into physical symptoms. her mother passed away about 25 years ago and recently her father was in a car crash and being unresponsive to physical therapy saying things like \u201cit isn\u2019t worth it\u201d. i think what happened to her dad is triggering memories of her mother\u2019s death and that process, therefore causing these physical symptoms. is this something i can make a case to a doc about to see if they can make a treatment plan? i hate seeing my mom in this much unbearable pain over this long of a time period. they\u2019ve tried a plethora of different medications and injections. they even did an occipital nerve block and nothing is lasting more than a few hours. she does have a history of headaches and migraines. depression has also plagued her for a long time. any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "pain is not conversion disorder. definitionally, conversion or functional neurological disorder is not only pain as a symptom.  she could be having physical pain as a manifestation of emotional pain. that\u2019s also a fairly common trigger for migraines. it sounds like doctors are already working on her headache. adding a \u201cnon-medical\u201d cause doesn\u2019t clarify or help anything.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f7maqy", "comment_id": "f7maqy"}, {"question": "depression and other mental health issues.", "description": "does anyone else not only suffer from depression but other mental illnesses? it's pretty common, i believe, for someone with depression to also suffer from anxiety, or other problems. my illness is a bit more complicated, because i suffer from clinical depression, social anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. i don't mean to be self-pitying, but it's like i've been cursed, \"oh you have one mental health problem? why not have a whole more while you're at it\" the big problem is, when it comes to dealing with mental health, all my illnesses are treated separately by medication and my psychiatrist, but inside me they all linked in this giant mass of mental disorder. so while i may have my anxiety under control, the depression pops up, or when i'm not feeling depressed i start to act irrational and unstable. ", "answer": "it is pretty common, unfortunately. many if not most of people with depression also have anxiety. and with the personality disorders, most unfortuntately also are diagnosed with another disorder. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sq5a8", "comment_id": "sq5a8"}, {"question": "what just happened with my script?", "description": "curious thing just happened. i have a script for clonazepam i take for anxiety. i get them 90 at a time. doctor told me i can take up to 3 a day but only as needed. i got the script in early april. in that time i have probably taken about 10, but 5-6 in the same week when we had a very intense cancer scare w my wife. beyond that, rarely. flying, etc. they make me sleepy, and i like to have a glass of wine or a beer and not worry, so i use them rarely.  last week, my bottle of about 80 remaining got inadvertently discarded in travel because i am in idiot.  i called the doctor and asked about a refill. they hemmed and hawed and were requiring me to come in for a new appointment. it was clear they thought i was abusing them, and honestly, i get it. i understood. i know its a controlled substance, and a bottle of 90 usually lasts me well over a year. that said, i didnt like feeling like someone that was thought of that way, and decided that the benefit was outweighed by the grossness i felt, so i told the doc not to worry about it, since i took them so rarely i would give a try to something else, possibly more homeopathic.  5 days later, i get a call from the pharmacy that the doc has refilled the script. was/is this some sort of test?   i am not planning on going to get it.  ​", "answer": "it's always reasonable, and will allay doctors' fears, if you estimate how many you actually take and request a prescription for that.  as for what happened here, there's no way to know with certainty. one possibility is that this wasn't intended as a test, but the fact that you gave up also made the doctor not have concerns that you were misusing them and so he just decided to go ahead and refill them. it's an unpleasant dance we do with patients; often we dislike feeling skeptical of patients we want to trust, but we also hate feeling duped, and in the end our care really shouldn't be about our feelings at all.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9joor8", "comment_id": "9joor8"}, {"question": "getting worse before i get better", "description": "(ptsd from sexual abuse) i've been on this rollercoaster of emotions my whole life and for awhile i felt i was on the path to recovery. lately, i feel no good. i scared myself the other day because i blacked out and spilled soda in a friends car and i apologized so much i couldn't stop saying sorry. she reasurrued me there was nothing to be sorry for but i kept saying i was that i was just dumb and it wouldn't happen again and so on. i've been so full of fear and anxiety lately i don't know what to do. i'm scared of everyone that it's become borderline paranoia. i'm so depressed and scared all the time i don't know what to do. does anyone know what to do? i feel hopeless. i just started seeinng my therapist again. how can i cope?", "answer": "i would ask your therapist to work with you on grounding techniques to help you center yourself when you feel that anxiety begin to rise.  that will help give you a bit of a sense of control if you have a plan for when things begin to feel overwhelming.  you might also consider identifying your tribe - who is most helpful to talk to/spend time with when you're experiencing what symptoms, or gamifying your healing process a la what's described in this ted talk (the whole talk is awesome, but the part i'm talking about begins a about minute 6): [jane mcgonigal ted talk - super better](WEBLINK)  if the depression and anxiety continue to feel crippling and the hopelessness persists, you may also want to speak with your therapist about a referral for a medication evaluation.  for many people medication can help get through the initial challenging stages while you're building the coping skills and developing different experiences, so medication is a little like putting the bumpers for kids in the bowling alley - it just helps your brain keep everything more centered while you're learning the basic skills and when you're ready, you and your doctor can begin experimenting with titrating down to lower levels or off the medications entirely (the vast majority of people who begin medications following trauma only need them for the first year).  another thing you might considering is working on further developing self compassion, as it sounds like you're being quite hard and down on yourself about things being harder recently.  this is quite normal during the healing process, but it can slow down the process as well.  kristin neff (a researcher out of ut austin) has some awesome books and exercises for developing self compassion skills on her [website.](WEBLINK)  the healing process following trauma is hard and sometimes it's good to bolster our self compassion skills to remind ourselves of that when the anxious and depressive thoughts start popping up.  (i have no affiliation with either the mcgonigal sisters or dr. neff, other than adoring their work and thinking they're brilliant and amazing women).", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "9iqaze", "comment_id": "9iqaze"}, {"question": "day 28, 11am, uk: falling off my 'pink cloud' a bit, but still not drinking!", "description": "hey everyone, week or so since my last post. i'm still sober after 28 days, and i can barely believe it really :). i'm so happy that i'm not drinking, but the realities of life are starting to creep in. i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with various things, and i'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment and a bit 'poor me'. not being able to numb self-pity with alcohol is proving challenging. i don't want to drink, but equally i don't know how to deal with 'real' emotions without my life-long crutch. my sponsor is amazing, i have made wonderful friends aa, but i struggle to reach out for help when i need it most. i've written a gratitude list and it's put things into perspective a bit, but i'm still feeling pretty mopey and low. any tips for combating the extreme lows in these early stages? i find it hard pulling myself out of these low moods when i'm in it, i struggle to meditate or read anything uplifting and absorb it, so i've always just given in and drank when things get tough - and i will not do that. i'm really proud of being sober for 28 days, it's just still so new - i'm retraining my brain and body after over 20 years of abuse! my poor mum can't say anything right at the moment, she wants to help but non-alcoholics just don't get it and i end up getting frustrated with her for suggesting things as i just think ' you haven't got a clue how it feels to be an alcoholic so don't even try to help'. then i feel guilty for pushing her away and being mean to her, she's nearly 70 and she's trying her best. i feel so angry at this disease sometimes.  sorry, bit of a ramble, iwndwyt xx", "answer": "well done. you're on the right path. for me using booze to escape negative feelings became such a habit that it was hard to face these without becoming depressed. i did some 1:1 therapy to help me process and cope with this. do you have any counselling options? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8ryd5x", "comment_id": "8ryd5x"}, {"question": "let's start a \"don't you hate it when you...\" thread..i'll go first.", "description": "dyhiwy think something is not safe where it is, and you think of a very logical safe place to put it, and then you forget where it is?   i backed up all my 2017 and 2018 files onto a thumb drive a few weeks ago when my hard drive started going bad, and i clearly remember thinking i needed to put it into a safe place. the logical safe place would have been in the plastic box with my computer accessories in  it, but it's not there. it's not in the second most logical place or the third. it's basically lost, so i have to go get one tomorrow so i can do it all over again before the hard drive conks out.   but that's not the worst one i've done. i once felt like my bike lock keys - both sets - were not safe where they were, so i moved them. i ended up having to have a friend grind the locks off and buy new ones so i could use my bike. ", "answer": "don't you hate it when you start a filing system only to file things away and forget where you put them so you go back to the good ol' \"putting things in piles\" method.  which never fails!", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "7z0x25", "comment_id": "7z0x25"}, {"question": "he wouldn't commit to me, and i called it quits.. did i do the right thing?", "description": "     i have been talking to this guy for about a month now. we've been on a few dates and we talk and text all the time. i thought we got along really well and he constantly reminded me how much he liked me and how well he thought we were going, how he hadn't liked a girl in this way for a long time. i thought we were pretty compatible and i liked him a lot as well. last night we were texting as normal, but then he asked me, \"since you know i don't want a relationship, what are you getting out of this?\" the question surprised me because although he had dropped hints about not wanting a relationship, i guess i always thought that with time he might give it a chance. he went on to explain that he felt a lot of pressure in relationships and he didn't want to lose me in a bad break up because he \"wanted to be with me for a long long time\" and that a \"relationship wouldn't last.\" i ended up just telling him the truth that i thought we should end this right now and i haven't texted him since.       i'm really sad because i really did like him, but i feel used and almost insulted that he couldn't imagine ever becoming official with me, even with how much he talked about us in the future. i don't understand his logic because we're as good as \"broken up\" right now and we most likely won't stay friends, so what's the difference? although it was hard for me to end things, i just didnt want to stay in a \"friends with benefits\" type situation (even though he insisted that wasn't the case). did i do the right thing?  ", "answer": "yes. i wish more people would do that instead of hanging around with non -committal losers for years. of course, then i'd need to find a different job than being a therapist because i'd have no more clients!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6h85om", "comment_id": "6h85om"}, {"question": "end of a 10 year relationship.", "description": "my 10 year relationship recently ended yesterday, and this might seem pathetic but, because of my issues with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, i\u2019m afraid i won\u2019t find anyone else to love me or be with me... he was all i knew and he was my everything, ever since i was 14 to now at 24... i don\u2019t know how to cope or move on yet, and i\u2019m prone to getting overly attached to people and things, i guess as a form of comfort, so i\u2019m afraid i\u2019ll never move on. i just need advice i guess and i didn\u2019t know where to turn... ", "answer": "it may hurt really bad now but honestly you probably dodged a bullet.  it's fairly unlikely that high school romances lead healthy lifelong relationships but unfortunately so many folks try to make it work out, get married too young, have kids, etc. only to realize at middle age they screwed up their life.     it might take a while to grieve the loss of this relationship, but once you do, you'll be ready to grow so much as a person as you learn what it's like to have to function on your own and also learn what to do with the freedom to date as an adult.     best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "aexqix", "comment_id": "aexqix"}, {"question": "paranormal activity, or withdrawal symptom?", "description": "on novemeber 2013 i decided to stop using chemical substances after 6 years of heavy usage. i had a big fight with my ex husband because i wanted to stop, but he didn't want it. so, i was laying in bed after 4 days of not drinking, smoking or sniffing. i was really anxious, and couldn't sleep during those 4 days. my ex was completely wasted, and sleeping right next to me. however, i had this terrible insomnia and was not able to sleep, then the creepy show started. i began to listen pigs howling pretty aloud in my head, i covered my ears and the sound was actually more terrifying. there was a huge window in fron of me, and then i saw this shadowy presence rising from the ground up to the roof. it had a human shape, but i can't tell what really was it. suddenly, this \"thing\" came to my chest and grabbed my neck. i levitated on my bed really quick, and hit the bed strongly. it felt like there was no air in the room. like if my soul was getting out of my body. i began to yell and my ex woke up, i was moving like in one of those exorcist's movies, where you sit and lay back down many times. i was really scared asking for help, saying: \"please don't let him take me!! my ex woke up really scared, and surrounded me with his arms. then i felt like if something was leaving my body. i couldn't sleep that night. next day i woke up with a facial paralysis (fortunately there are is no physical trace in my face), so i went to the hospital. they kept me hospitalized during 4 days, they also found the evidence of a previous heart attack due to overdose. after that day, the only way for me to fall asleep was taking valiums. i kept the feeling of this thing coming to my chest, and grabbing my soul during 2 months. even though i was taking pills, everytime that i closed my eyes i had the same sensation. i was afraid of closing my eyes. it was hell....three months after, i broke up with my husband. my family sent me to rehab, i got hospitalized many times, lost the custody of my children and a good friend of mine got stabbed on his heart one year after. i'm still wondering is this shadowy presence was good, evil or just a product of my imagination and anxiety attack. what you think?", "answer": "withdrawals (especially from alcohol or benzodiazepines) can sometimes include hallucinations.  as another person mentioned, sleep paralysis is also a legit possibility.  either of these (or both) are likely more accurate explanations than paranormal activities.", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "2v59s6", "comment_id": "2v59s6"}, {"question": "(20f) my boyfriend (21m) is headed to basic training/ait for the us army soon... any tips on how to deal with distance/separation?", "description": "we've been together for 3 months, and i've been trying to prepare for most of it. fortunately, there are no real relationship issues other than his impending absence. i've muddled through long distance relationships before, but i'm much more committed to making this one work than i have been in the past, and want to do anything in my power to make it work.  any thoughts from those who have dealt with distance/army relationships?", "answer": "i'm my way out and don't have time for a long response right now, but have you been to [r/usmilitaryso](WEBLINK)? we are very welcoming there :) you may also want to consider [r/longdistance](WEBLINK).", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1u2jhg", "comment_id": "1u2jhg"}, {"question": "depressed and coping with a family member's addiction. any help will be very appreciated.", "description": "hello- this is my first time posting on reddit, ever. i just stumbled along this subreddit and was hoping i could just get some advice, or perhaps just vent.   i'm 18 years old, i've had cycles of depression since i was 13. at the start, it was bullying but we moved and it's become so so much better- my school life is good now. however, when i was 14 i found texts between my dad and a prostitute. as i would later discover, he's been a sex addict for 20 years. my world was literally ripped apart, i was exposed to this disgusting side of a person and a world at an age where i don't think i completely understood what sex was. i told my mom- who had already known for years- and we begged him to stop, get sober and seek help. i found new texts 2 weeks later.   the past 4 years have been hell. it's been cycles of forgiving him, getting close to him, trusting him only for him to break my heart again. he refuses to get long-term help, lies constantly to our faces and breaks my trust over and over again. it feels like a never ending emotionally abusive cycle that i can never break.    a month ago, my sister found texts for the first time. **she's 14.** my mom has been diagnosed with a form of ptsd coupled with depression. she has no self worth anymore. last month when my sister found those texts, there was a lot of crying and yelling and he promised, swore he'd get help, begged for a final, last chance. he started attending sex addicts anonymous meetings and following the 12 step program.   i found texts from another prostitute from last night. the amount of times i have to read explicit details about what my father wants from a woman- i have no clue how messed up i am or how my future relationships will be because of this. it hurts so much to think of that. there was another period of yelling and crying last night. he's staying at a hotel for now. this is starting to effect my studies, my life. i have no will to do anything anymore.   thank you for reading- any advice or comments would mean the world to me. ", "answer": "sendlord gives some good advice.  getting into your own therapy to process all of this is probably the best thing you can do.  i can't tell you how many adults i've provided therapy for who were in therapy specifically to learn how to overcome the damage done by being raised by parents with significant mental health issues.  despite all the help, 12 step programs like aa and na are rarely very effective.  there's always a few people you can point to and say \"well they did it and they've been sober or for ____ years\" but all in all the overwhelming majority of people don't get better from a 12 step program without also getting some therapy focused on mental health.    although 12 steps groups like aa and na are generally and statistically not very helpful for those addicted (by themselves), groups that are set up for family members of addicts (al anon, nar anon) i'm sure there's some for family members of sex addicts though may be harder to find, are extremely helpful for those coping with family members with addictions.  consider finding and joining a support group for family members.    at the end of the day, remember your father's decisions, while causing havoc in your present, only has to impact your future as much as you let it.  once you have the ability to be independent, you get to decide how close or distant you want/need to be from him in order to be healthy yourself, and there's nothing wrong with setting that boundary.    sorry to hear you're going through this and best of luck!  [-the web shrink](WEBLINK) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zdcha", "comment_id": "7zdcha"}, {"question": "good places to donate body for dissection?", "description": "i have been experiencing an extremely aggravating burning sandy sensation behind my eyes for almost 5 years which seems to reject any sort of traditional medical intuition in regards to its nature. there is a very large chance that i will kill myself relatively soon due to this if i cannot find any relief, since it has only deteriorated over time. however, i wish for my sinuses and brain to be dissected so that the nature of this anomaly may be scientifically understood. who can i speak to in regards to such a request?", "answer": "i note your post history - and im not sure why you bother because you get riled up by very reasonable advice.  you should really just go speak to your own doctor who knows you much much better than any of us, explaining everything you have said in your posts so far. you could even show them on your phone what youve posted.  anyway if you wished to donate yourself to medical science, make a will.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6re5nn", "comment_id": "6re5nn"}, {"question": "should i still start on my meds even when i feel perfectly normal?", "description": "i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2 early this december after a particularly difficult bout of depression, and while i felt desperate and totally out of it then, i feel super incredibly fine now. my doctor wanted to start me on meds and gave me a prescription on the 22nd of december (lamotrigine, half a 50mg pill, increasing on dosage every week) but i've yet to actually start taking them. i'm just really scared it will mess me up even more -- especially now that i feel normal, not sad and not out of control either.      i'm starting to think what if i just overexaggerated my feelings during a particularly sad time, and i'm not actually bipolar, and the pills might kill me because they weren't made for normal people. i'm sorry, i'm very very new to this and i'm just a little scared about everything.", "answer": "well, your question is best asked to the person that has prescribed your medications. while therapists often work with people on medication, medication is medical advice.   that being said, it sounds like an expected path of bipolar to me. taking the meds as prescribed would make sense to me", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "abcsfo", "comment_id": "abcsfo"}, {"question": "starting to understand that i am not happy.", "description": "i always sort of wondered why i drank. i would come up with countless reasons in my head, and to my therapist.  i went from \"i like the habit\" to \"it relaxes me\" to \"it makes my brain stop trying to solve problems endlessly\" to the last i can remember,  \"i drink to deal with the loss of social comfort that comes with having very strong social anxiety\".  i think i found a deeper reason, that i could only have discovered sober. i drink because i am not happy with my life. plain and simple.  i'm on antidepressants, the maximum safe dose actually, and so i am no longer suicidal (thank goodness). because of this, i am not really sad per se. but i'm not happy, or satisfied with the way my life is.  i understand that the party line here is \"choose a goal that will help make you satisfied and work towards it\". i don't really need to hear that.  i don't know what i need to hear. i don't know if i need to hear anything. i guess i just wanted to say it somewhere.  i think some people, people like me, just don't really get to 'be happy'. it's not in our genes. so if i can't really be happy, why not just drink and numb the sadness? so long as i'm only hurting myself.  oh well, didn't mean for this to be as much of a downer as it turned out to be.", "answer": "i think it's important to note that for most with sobriety does not come an immediate sunshine and happiness. for some that may be true, but for me i drank because i didn't want to deal with my problems and all the rest. eventually like most of us, alcohol no longer worked to remove me from the pain and suffering. i had no where to turn because my problems were pressing down on me, but alcohol was making things far worse. when getting sober i had to realize, i've removed alcohol from the situation, but my problems that i had before i drank are still there. i still have terrible adhd and can't focus in school. i still procrastinate. i'm still depressed. removing alcohol does not make me happy in the long term, it does however give me the opportunity to be happy. i still have to address those same problems, but without the slew of other problems that came along with alcohol.   i'm sorry, but i agree with the top comment the melodramatic stuff is not needed. we all know where you're coming from and the thing is the majority of us are happy now. you weren't special in your addiction and you're not special in your recovery, you can and will be happy if you stay off the sauce and work on the things you need to. taking the victim role is the easy way out, but in my opinion won't benefit you.   16 days is huge. keep it up.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1p2onm", "comment_id": "1p2onm"}, {"question": "can\u2019t seem to make it past the 3 month mark anymore.", "description": "the longest amount of time i\u2019ve ever had clean was 2 years, most of which i spent in long term treatment and sober living houses. i\u2019m 19 and i\u2019ve relapsed 3 times this year, each time around my 3 month mark. i feel fine, but then suddenly something will set me off and before you know it i\u2019m off to the races. i relapsed on thanksgiving last week and have spent the last week smoking meth. i feel like i\u2019ll never be able to get long term sobriety and that i\u2019ll always hit this wall at 3 months. i don\u2019t know what the point of it all is. ", "answer": "sounds like your addiction talking. \"sure you had 2 years once, but that doesn't mean anything. your been struggling to get past 3 months must mean you'll never make it, so why even bother? better go get loaded again\" etc etc.  sounds like it's time to head back to treatment friend. no shame in asking for help.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "7heqiz", "comment_id": "7heqiz"}, {"question": "any tips?", "description": "hi im attending my first therapy appointment today and im just curious how to prepare toget the best out of the appointment? i understand that this is more than likely just a feeler appointment but if you have any tips for what you look for in the beginning and moving foward thatd be appreciated. thank you all", "answer": "think about what you're hoping to get out of therapy.  have at least one, but possibly a few fairly concrete answers.  ask how the therapist works and how they think they can help you with your goals.    this is important.  you want to get some idea of what you're getting in to before you invest too much time or money working with any particular therapist.  if you feel like what he answers sounds good to you, then you're good to go.     other than that, i'd say to just write some notes down before going in.  first therapy sessions can be extremely anxiety provoking.  write down what things you want to make sure you discuss or questions you might have for the therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blcqzi", "comment_id": "blcqzi"}, {"question": "i know my bpd caused my fianc\u00e9 to commit suicide", "description": "everyone tells me it wasn\u2019t my fault. sure, i didn\u2019t pull the trigger but no one knows what really went on inside of the relationship. we were so in love, soul mates. i tried to commit suicide last year and that\u2019s when i was diagnosed with bpd on top of depression and anxiety. i would go crazy over the smallest things. i\u2019m so embarrassed how i acted, i mean outbursts like trying to slit my throat and arms in front of him. i\u2019ve ran out of the house barefoot before, had cops called on me, and he was even arrested once. i was so attached to him, i wanted him to stay home 24/7 so he could never see his friends. we fought a lot about that one. he told me he would never leave me because he knew i felt abandoned and he loved me beyond my problems. he told me i was his only reason to live. i started spiraling down big time the month leading up to his death. we fought all the time because i was incredibly controlling and wouldn\u2019t let him leave the house. so we decided to go on a break, but this time was different because he actually changed his relationship status to single on fb. he came home that night and he was drunk and crying saying he loved me so much and i sat on his chest and wiped his tears away telling him it will all be okay. i asked if he wanted dinner as i walked to the kitchen. he declined and changed and said he was running to the gas station real quick. he said he\u2019d be back.. but he never came home. i got the call two hours later that he had shot himself. the person he called on the way to do it told me his last words were he loved me and he didn\u2019t understand why we couldn\u2019t get along.  i can\u2019t explain the way i feel, but if you too have bpd, maybe you will see where i am coming from, no one else does.. \u201cit will get better\u201d they say but are you kidding i\u2019m going to think about this every day for the rest of my miserable life.  my entire world feels shattered. i\u2019m literally losing my mind. i was too attached or maybe too in love because i don\u2019t know who i am anymore", "answer": "hey just checking in, how are you doing? ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "9te769", "comment_id": "9te769"}, {"question": "[36/m] how to get over being cheated on [38/f]", "description": "to be clear, the relationship is over. let's start with the ending.  she called me up last minute and tearfully told me she needed the weekend to herself.  something came up and i had to call her.  at the end of the call she turns everything around and breaks up with me.  i'm too angry to live with she said, but she can't point out anything i've done in anger. i offer to read up on anger management, maybe see a therapist if needed.  not good enough, nothing is good enough.  we keep talking stretched over days, next i'm manipulative. because i pouted that one time she felt tired and didn't want to make guacamole. (i wasn't trying to get her to make it, i was expressing disappointment as she wanted to show me \"her way\").  she wouldn't talk about the good things, and instead told me she didn't feel listened to.  which was even more odd as she said the exact opposite many times in the relationship.  \"my walls are up\"  \"i hope you move on soon\" ended the final exchange.  always one to question, i read a solid book on anger management.  enlightening yes, but not for reasons i expected.  turns out i'm very low anger and not half bad at managing what anger i have.  still a good read.  so, my mind starts to wonder... what really happened? i look back over our texts like no sane person would. i see the times she went to lunch with single coworkers who she thought had a crush on her. lunch here, dinner there.  followed by long stretches of no texts and what now look like very flimsy reasons for going awol when i was generally expected to be responsive.  i think back to her talking about the last guy she dated before me.  i remember the timeline was confusing as though they'd broken up possibly only days before.  at the time i passed it off, i trusted her... she wouldn't hurt me like that.  i now remember that for the breakup call she was standing on her balcony, freeway noise in full force.  it was late in the morning, almost noon and the early riser was still in bed.  she had to \"wake up\" and go outside where it's noisy to talk to me?  he was already there... it was over before she even hinted it to me.   in hindsight, i completely missed it.  she started replacing me at least a month ago while simultaneously dangling the specter of moving in with me later in the year.  i gave the relationship my all, i have no idea what i was to her.  so, as the initial question stands.  how do you move on once someone does you like this?  trust is already a delicate thing, and she clearly abused mine.   ", "answer": "trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ls2sx", "comment_id": "6ls2sx"}, {"question": "his messages getting incredibly short. overthinking it or is it just common for guys?", "description": "i got into a relationship a few weeks ago and the beginning of it has been well. we both spent portions of the day to message each other lengthy messages on just about anything. we don't see each other during school so we make it up in seeing each other as well. recently however, he's been sending messages that consist from 1-2 words compared to multiple sentences. i asked if anything was troubling him but he assured me things were going swell. should i just bite the bullet and ask about it or ignore it presuming it's a common thing?", "answer": "i would base your rel. on the big picture, not the little one", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60zx5k", "comment_id": "60zx5k"}, {"question": "i posted this in another subreddit a few minutes ago, but i want more than one or two opinions. i need help with a bad situation i'm in, can someone please help?", "description": "so, i've been on and off borderline suicidal for over a year and last year when i was at my worst i walked up to a group of my closest friends and told them how i felt and they all just stared at me. not like they were shocked or worried, but kinda like that look you give the person who is annoying you.  what i told them was that i wanted to drop out of high school and finish my classes online because i was bullied and i constantly had suicidal thoughts. i emphasized that i would finish school, but it would be online and they all told me it was a terrible idea. one of them said they would never see me and that was their whole reason to why i shouldn't do schooling online. my boyfriend basically said if i were to drop out i would never finish schooling and i would never get a job and i would have to live in the slums for the rest of my life. one of my closest friends told me i was overreacting and that dropping out now would just be a waste of time since i was already in 11th grade. so, she told me to suck it up and be suicidal for another year.   my senior year starts on friday and i'm absolutely petrified because of those responses to what happened last year. i never got any help from professionals or anybody because my older sister thinks i'm just hormonal and my mom thinks i'm a liar. so, i'm still having suicidal thoughts all the time. i've had them all summer long and i'm actually worried i might try to kill myself. so, i was going to check myself into a psychiatric hospital without telling my family and today i read some reviews of the one i was planning on going to. well, the reviews were awful. there were stories of the staff mixing up patients meds, patients beating up others and the staff doing nothing about it, and the staff insulting patients. for someone else this might only be a minor set back because they can just find another hospital to go to, but this is the only hospital in my town. i live in a very small area and would have to drive for at least 15 minutes to come to another town, but i don't have a car and nobody else would be willing to take me to a psychiatric hospital. so, my problem is i'm probably going to kill myself if i don't get into a hospital, but the only one i'm able to get to is the one with terrible reviews and careless staff. please help me, i don't know what to do.    tldr; i told my friends and family i was suicidal and they basically told me to get over it. i need to go to a psychiatric hospital or i'm probably going to kill myself, but the only one possible for me to get to has very very bad patient reviews. i need advice.", "answer": "from the sounds of it, you better get to the hospital for an evaluation.  one thing i can say is this.  going to the hospital of your own free will is 100x better than getting involuntarily hospitalized.  if you can make it until school starts, talk to your school counselor or a teacher if you don't feel like you can get help from your parents.  i wouldn't pay too much mind to online reviews about the hospital near you.  people like to complain online and i'm willing to bet the majority of people complaining were involuntarily hospitalized and were angry about it so were trying to take it out on the hospital.    if you get desperate, call 9-1-1 and tell them everything.  they'll send an ambulance and get you to the hospital for an evaluation.    if it's not quite that bad but want to talk to someone, call the national suicide hotline at (1-800-273-talk [8255])", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6u77e5", "comment_id": "6u77e5"}, {"question": "need help finding a therapist", "description": "i have been suffering from a severe lack of motivation and energy, depression and anxiety for about 6 months. i have finally decided to seek help but i have no idea where to start. a google search of therapists in my area revealed, for lack of a better term, a metric fuck-ton and i don't know what type of therapist i should be looking for or how to tell the good ones from the bad ones. i would prefer to keep my issues private so asking people i know for recommendations is out of the question. could anyone recommend a reputable website (psychologytoday.com seems to have a pretty comprehensive list but i know very little about the site or publication) or at least give me some tips to help narrow down the massive amounts of therapists i've found that would be great. alternatively if anyone could reccomend a good therapist in the southeastern ct area i would appreciate it. ", "answer": "psychologytoday.com is always a good place to start. also- if you have health insurance, you can go to their website and they will typically have a directory of psychologists and other providers who are covered by your insurance. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "35wtji", "comment_id": "35wtji"}, {"question": "i haven't self harmed since 2 years", "description": "i used to self harm every day. my arms might be scared but they haven't seen a blade for 2 years. i threw all blades away into the trash.", "answer": "wooo hooo!!! congratulations!!!  treat yourself to something amazing because you deserve it!!!  keep it up!!!  this is inspiring!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "hmvmmo", "comment_id": "hmvmmo"}, {"question": "5 hour energy cure cyanide?", "description": "26 white 165 pounds i read that they use b12 as an antidote for cyanide so could i chug an energy drink with a significant amount of b12 and not die from cyanide?", "answer": "the nutritional dose of b12 is in micrograms. the dose used in the b12 \"cyanokit\" antidote is in tens of grams. that's roughly a thousand-fold difference. you couldn't orally consume enough b12.  the antidote also reduces mortality of lethal doses of cyanide to only around 30%, which is better but still not something to do for fun.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fah81v", "comment_id": "fah81v"}, {"question": "request: dealing with loss of self-esteem and having people see you again", "description": "i was suffering from ed for 4 years until my body just slowed itself down and i started gaining weight again while eating very little. anyway, i was in a really difficult relationship and it ended very badly. during this relationship i isolated myself from a lot of my friends, diminished my social circle to just a handful of people who all live outside of my city, and put a strain on most other aspects of my life. this relationship ended just before i started seriously devoting myself to treatment, and over the summer i gained much more weight than i was told i would by the doctor.  the weight gain and the recovery process itself made me depressed, and it made me afraid to go outside or visit even my limited circle of friends. i haven't bought new clothes and feel like i can't face the mall. i cry most times when i have a shower i am terrified of seeing my now ex again at university, because i feel so vulnerable and my self-esteem is so low. i feel like my weight and my recovery is a visible weakness that i am wearing around like a neon sign, and i don't know what i can do.   does anyone have advice? ", "answer": "yes. find a local support group. what you need is 12,000 units of validation and support. it sounds like you are doing recovery right but are in the in-between space where you aren't getting the internal control/relief anymore and haven't started to get to self-esteem based confidence so it's super important to get that validation and support from others who you value and trust. it's work but worth it. ", "topic": "eatingdisorders", "post_id": "6w9tvr", "comment_id": "6w9tvr"}, {"question": "how can i stop liking bad boys?", "description": "why do i find it extremely attractive when a guy is controlling? it's so damaging. why do i imagine a guy hitting me as attractive! how unbelievably stupid am i to find that attractive. i'm ashamed  i'm 18 (f) with daddy issues. i know why. the question is how do i stop.  i don't want to get with any guy or give a guy any part of me because i know that with who i choose they will hurt me or fuck me over. ", "answer": "just in case \"go to therapy\" hasn't been reiterated enough, i'm going to beat that dead horse.   therapy.   knowing the reason you have daddy issues isn't enough--i suspect your \"knowing\" consists of acknowledging that you have an absent father figure who sucked. this is not enough.   therapy will help you see the ways in which that relationship (because whether he's there or not, the relationship exists for you) shaped your sense of self, how you seek safety, how you view relationships, and how all of that manifests in sexual desire.   this can take a lot of time, but you're very young so if you start now you have a solid chance at eventually making some healthy romantic choices that will break whatever familial cycles have led to this for you.   please, your insurance will help and this is potentially one of the greatest gifts you can give your future self--not to mention future children if that's the road you choose to go down.   good luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "701da6", "comment_id": "701da6"}, {"question": "is under 4\u201910 legally constitute someone as a little person? or do you need a medical diagnosis?", "description": "23f // white // 115lbs // smoker // no drinking //    i\u2019m 4\u201910 and my whole life people have told me i\u2019m legally a little person even though i\u2019ve had growth plate testing and genetic testing done to have my doctors say otherwise and i don\u2019t fit the other criteria for being a little person.   so here i am wanting to validate something for people like me, danny devito, and snooki haha are we just somehow by the government with no other criteria of dwarfism besides being short considered actual little people?   because dang if i\u2019m a little person this whole time i missed out on a lot of disability benefits. (that\u2019s a joke because i in no way shape or form feel like a little person and i feel like that\u2019s an insult to the little person community for me to claim that title)   thanks for any help in advanced! i really just want to settle it, if i\u2019m wrong i\u2019ll take the l!", "answer": "i believe the legal cutoff is *below* 4'10\" in the us, which would exclude you. as the other poster noted, if you want to know about ada and regulatory meaning, it's a legal question rather than a medical one. medically, it's possible to be normal and just on the far end of the bell curve.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e8c906", "comment_id": "e8c906"}, {"question": "child sleeping with (defensive) weapons", "description": "what is the data on such occurrences, if any at all, and if there is any, what does it say?  i ask because i\u2019ve been on the road to recovery of my childhood trauma for nearly 3 years now, and i just remembered that i used to do this, and it has really hit me hard.", "answer": "i do not treat kids . however,  in my role as a forensic psychologist , i often have to read records (police,  medical,  mental health) related to the people i evaluate and victims.  i have seen this come up in situations where a child's mother is in an abusive relationship.  however,  i'm not aware of research on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "frk385", "comment_id": "frk385"}, {"question": "i went to a huge party today with lots of free alcohol. didn't have a drop of alcohol", "description": "21 years old here. i made the decision to fully quit alcohol as it had taken its toll in the form of far too many blackout drunken nights and horrible hangovers.   so its been 3 days so far, but today was the real test. i went to a huge party...it was lit as fuck, lots of free drinks being offered around. i was offered some directly from friends, and i am proud to say i didn't have a single drop.  it was tiring and a bit awkward to socialize sober. i really struggled a bit but i powered through it and persevered...and thankfully it paid off.  i am proud of myself. usually i'd always be the one taking the drinks at parties and getting drunk. i saw the appeal and temptation but decided against it, something i really thought i'd never be able to do.", "answer": "dude, that super cool. enjoy your morning tomorrow :d", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9ixyz7", "comment_id": "9ixyz7"}, {"question": "i made dean's list!!!", "description": "y'all,  i made dean's list at my university as a computer science major with a physics minor this semester for the third semester in a row! this is really a feat for me this semester because i've also been doing really intense astrophysics and nanophysics research, both of which i just found out are getting published in major journals/conferences! and on top of this, i now actually have been able to maintain a healthy social life and i've been doing a really good job at adulting/life functioning.  if you had told me 6 years ago i would one day do all of this, i would have laughed at you. but here we are!  adhd can't hold me back.  also, a giant, anonymous thank you to my doctor who convinced me to try adhd medication, and all the people who write advice columns/give helpful tips for managing adhd!  just thought i would share this victory with y'all, since y'all know how hard it can be to have adhd.", "answer": "wow, that\u2019s amazing, especially since you\u2019re in such a challenging field! congratulations! you earned it.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a77yyk", "comment_id": "a77yyk"}, {"question": "help me please", "description": "i have adhd autism anxiety and body dysphoria  i'm on vyvvance  and zoloft but i've been having other symptoms  idk if they are side affects or what but i've been having insomnia, fatigue, mood swings, irritable, empty feeling, dizziness, headaches, fastening pulse, twitches, urges to rule my eyes and move basically any other body part, shakiness, cold sweats without fever, constantly thirsty,  the urge to bite, cut, and scratch myself,  acne, fidgety, red dots on feet are not itchy and don't hurt, eczema, asthma attacks come on faster, spacing out for minutes at a time,    if this has any relevance i recently  stopped  cutting and started seeing a therapist i also have what i think is a melanoma  on my back.  i also have no sense of no you shouldn't/ shouldn't have done/do that also the emptiness is on and off one day i will be empty the next day  i could be fine or i could  be empty  again pls pm me if u have any idea  of what's going on i also recently  developed  a stutter i am a masochist and a sadist, i feel like most of my friends are gonna abandon me and i have been told that i am toxic by a bff of three years, i have been emotionally and sexually abused by online \"friends\" i have never knew my grandfather  and i have been emotionally abused by irl friends, whenever i ruin a relationship  i feel nothing not empty just nothing. my crush is going through things rn and i can't  stand to see her in pain. but she is going to abandon me like everyone else and i just know it. i have also been hearing whispers i think my friends are talking shit behind  my back, i'm mentally and physically  falling apart", "answer": "that sounds incredibly stressful.  i would advise you see your prescribing doctor as soon as possible. what you\u2019re describing are listed as \u201cserious side effects\u201d of vyvanse and doing a quick search zoloft and vyvanse are listed as being two that can have interactions.  [source](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ff66j2", "comment_id": "ff66j2"}, {"question": "feeling disconnected 24/7 & scared of developing psychosis/schizophrenia", "description": "simply put, it's just as the title says. i've been dealing with symptoms of derealization and depersonalization over the time and this year it has gotten more intense. it's because i started focusing so much on my mind for fear of developing psychosis and/or schizophrenia.   i'm 23 year old, female, last year graduated from art college and currently unemployed but i work as a freelancer and get commissions here and there. the thing is, after falling into the trap of googling my derealization symptom last year, i came across schizophrenia and early signs of psychosis. my mind got a thick dark cloud around it ever since.  i don't have any family history of this disease, however i have some childhood trauma due to my abusive father (more like, verbally), the divorce of my parents, my twin brother getting diagnosed with epilepsy and exposure to the health problems of my grandparents (we all lived together and i loved them very much, and it was hard for me to see them in pain). because of all these experiences, i've always been in a hypervigilance state and forgot how to live.  i've been dealing with health anxiety, agoraphobia and panic attacks since highschool (since i turned 17 or 18 more exactly). the derealization i felt here and there wasn't something i was as concerned about as i am now but lately it turned my daily life upside down. i'll get to it a bit later.  so, after graduating college, i took a break in my hometown that summer since my mind was fully occupied with my bachelor's degree project for a couple of months. i haven't done much for me, haven't been out much due to my agoraphobia and most of my friends living in other cities, the only way of socialising being online. i tried sticking to different routines but they all failed in august. my derealization feelings came back and started googling about it. as i mentioned earlier, i came across psychosis and schizophrenia. i got freaked out when i found out the age onset is usually between late-teens to early 20s. i'm 23 and very scared about it. as i said, i have no family history with the disease and don't have either hallucinations or delusions, but reading all of the symptoms i got very hyperaware of my thought process and began questioning my thoughts and doubting myself a lot. i'd get thoughts like \"what if i'm imagining this? what if i'm hallucinating this? what if it's not real?\". deep down i know they sound ridiculous but i can't help and get scared to why do they come in my mind. fast forward, i took my concerns to a psychiatrist in december and after telling him everything, he told me that there's no sign showing of having psychosis or schizo, especially because i was very fluent and articulate in my thoughts. he said that if i had it, it would had started earlier on, when my personality started shaping or something.  he however diagnosed me with severe anxiety and panic attacks and gave me some medication. i couldn't take it, cuz it worsened my anxiety but i agreed i would seek a psychologic therapy instead.  time passed until i decided to finally make an appointment and when i went to my first session, the clinician psychologist mentioned that, from what i described her, my main problem that i'm dealing it would be ptsd from all my trauma and derealization would come from there. it made a lot more sense, but i still couldn't get the thought of my head about the age onset on developing psychosis/schizo. it was shown everywhere i went through sites and formus.  after the corona break and being forced to stay in quarantine, things got worse.  i feel like everything feels surreal, like i'm living in a dream. i feel so disconnected from myself and surroundings. everything feels foggy and it's like i'm looking through things, not to things...if that makes sense. my attention is so focused on my derealization/dpdr that i started to forget words or not find the right words when talking to my family. my speech feels forced and doesn't come out naturally. i'm so scared of losing my mind and going insane. i haven't used to be like this, i was the opposite of my current state. i got very insecure and vulnerable, it's like i'm just existing but i can't feel the present moment. i also spend all my time on my phone in my bed and this fear messed with my daily routines.  does this sound to you like anxiety or something more severe? i'm honestly very scared and fear opening up to my family about it.", "answer": "i can't diagnose you based on this info . your symptoms sound much more like ptsd with severe anxiety than psychosis. your organization and strong drive to question your experiences are strong indicators.   this is something that really needs to be discussed with someone who is your provider. any psychologist with trauma experience can help you.  another option may be to look specifically for someone who has experience with serious & persistent mental illness (spmi).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmxaag", "comment_id": "fmxaag"}, {"question": "could it be a bat bite, or am i just being paranoid.", "description": "sorry for any formatting issues, spelling and grammar problems, but i\u2019m on mobile.  i\u2019m inquiring about my son. he is a 2 year old male, about 3 feet tall and 30ish lbs.   so, earlier this evening after i picked my son up from daycare, i noticed two small scabs/circular scratches about an inch below his right knee, about one cm apart from one another. they look like he scratched them and they bled and scabbed over. if you look really closely, you can see a third, much smaller scab next to them, and there is another single one right above that same knee. earlier that day, i was researching bat bites and rabies after i had read something online, and the two scabs in question looked similar to a bat bite. however, my family keeps saying that it\u2019s not and i\u2019m being paranoid about it because i saw it on the internet. i should also note that i haven\u2019t heard of any bat infestations in my apartment complex or seen one inside. and no one at his daycare mentioned anything about bats or a possible exposure. given the information, is it possible that it is a bat bite, or could it just be bug bites or possible scratches that coincidentally look similar to bat bites and i\u2019m just feeding into my anxieties after having been exposed to information about rabies online???", "answer": "it *could* be a bat bite, but which is more likely: your son was bitten by a bat that no one saw during the daytime while at daycare, or he coincidentally scraped his knee on something in a way that left two small scabs next to each other among the other scabs he's acquired?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8s5hb6", "comment_id": "8s5hb6"}, {"question": "what mental illness does this sound like? i have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "not so relevant to this but i\u2019m 26f white 5\u20194 idk what i weigh though but i\u2019m not fat. i\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since i was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis.     symptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. being extremely extremely upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... i was never really a cutter. crazy spending habits, i\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like i know what i am doing is wrong and i keep doing it than regret it. and then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.   i just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d i have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, ocd, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "as others have said, this is most consistent with borderline personality disorder.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "bsavfk"}, {"question": "random, but i'm interested in who you guys are outside of borderline. how would you describe yourself, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, what do you look like, etc.?", "description": "sometimes i let bpd define me entirely, but i know i am more than that and i know you guys are too :) definitely curious to hear about your lives. feel free to post photos of yourself, your pets, etc.   edit: thank you so much for the gold! i really, really love reading about fellow borderlines who are doing amazing things with their lives (being a mother/father, volunteering and giving back to the community, working as a nurse, working as a firefighter, going to school, writing, managing everyday life, etc.), especially when our mental illness is so heavily stigmatized and demonized by society. ", "answer": "i'm a 27 yo male. i am a marriage and family therapist and i work with kids that have intense psychiatric disorders, and their families. i fucking love it, and going through that helped me learn more about myself and who i am. aside from that i'm moving in with my girlfriend in a few weeks and it's pretty stressful looking for a place. i have a cat, named rusty venture, and he's my special boy. i have two best friends i've know  since i was 5 and 7 that are my real family. fuck i feel boring as fuck.   i love video games, tabletop gaming, binging tv shows like lost and masterchef jr. i wanna get back into dnd but no one wants to play with me. i listen to chillwave sort of music, like washed out and toro y moi. my favorite movie is labyrinth, but it's a close tie with brick. my name is daniel. i look like this WEBLINK", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "3v2qdx", "comment_id": "3v2qdx"}, {"question": "recovering from crohn's", "description": "i have crohns of the small bowel and it has resulted in me losing a large amount of weight. my current bmi is 19. i am aware that it is in the \"healthy\" range but the lowest part. last year i was so ill my bmi dropped to 15. i managed to get the crohns under control but i suffered with refeeding. my weight ballooned incredibly quickly and had insane fluid retention in my legs etc. my heart struggled with it and i was given a plasma infusion at one point. now i have only just learned that it was through refeeding and i wasn't told that at the time.  i am starting to recover again and i am absolutely terrified of this happening again. i know its extremely likely to happen again because i'm extremely malnourished and have been for months. i also know that this can be fatal.  how can i prevent this from happening? i have a massive appetite. i'm constantly hungry and i'm assuming that is because i've been so malnourished.   i just want to get back to being healthy and active. i would love any advice anyone can offer me.", "answer": "this is something that needs to be discussed with your gastroenterologist and probably would benefit from consultation with a dietician. not a nutritionist; dieticians have formal training and certification, while in most legal jurisdictions anyone can claim to be a nutritionist.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "e8wj4h", "comment_id": "e8wj4h"}, {"question": "will taking 30mg cymbalta interact substantially with the anti-depressant cocktail i'm already taking?", "description": "age: 22 sex: f height: 5'3\" weight: 120 race: caucasian  any existing relevant medical issues: depression (stable), anxiety (stable), chronic lower back pain (working on it) current medications: daily am: 150mg zoloft, 150mg wellbutrin xl, 500mg keppra (500mg dose 2x/day), 20mg propranolol, 1/2 of a 5mg norco.  pm medications: 5mg norethindrone, 10mg ambien, 500mg keppra   my doctor wanted to try me on 30mg cymbalta, taking one per day at night. i understand there is a significant risk of serotonin syndrome with the medications i'm already taking, but i'm wondering if the cymbalta will be a major thing, or just something i should monitor. no previous history of serotonin syndrome before. ", "answer": "you'll probably be fine (id be comfortable taking your prescribed meds, at least). some drugs are bigger offenders than others, but it's pretty hard to predict at times. ultimately the priority is treating the illness, id think.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5nv8mu", "comment_id": "5nv8mu"}, {"question": "should i get checked out for rabies?", "description": "i\u2019m a 20 year old female, 132 lbs, 5\u20197\u201d.  i was drunk one night with friends and we were walking to a party when i saw a cat- too young to be an adult and too old to be a kitten. it was very docile and calm so one of my friends and i (we both long animals) approached it. it was a little shy and laid down and cowered a little before we began petting it.  i admit that i was a bit too rough with it because i was not in the right state of mind and was excited so i was petting the cat much like how you pet a big dog- roughhousing and the like. i picked up the cat several times and attempted to carry it and each time it jump out of my arms. it would follow me constantly but stop eventually and lay on the sidewalk staring at me.   the last time that i pet it, it was calm at first but out of nowhere it scratched me and bit my hand. the bite was deep enough that it has a narrow scab but didn\u2019t draw blood. the bite was a little out of season because the cat was literally playing with me up until that point but i also realize that since it was a stray it may not know how to act around people so biting could just be a defensive response not trained out of this.  i did research and was surprised to see how long it takes the virus to show symptoms in humans- 3 to 9 weeks. it will be a week since the bite tomorrow (saturday). so far i feel normal. no real change in me.   there are a lot of tests involve and i don\u2019t have the time for that especially since i\u2019m a college student. i also overreact a lot and my friends keep saying that i should go to the hospital to have the tests done. i don\u2019t want to spend all that money and there\u2019s nothing wrong.  the bit is healing fine and my gut is telling me it\u2019s okay. but i just want a second opinion. i know anything is possible but i honestly don\u2019t think the cat had rabies. only 1 or 2 people die from rabies in the us and i heard some 45000 contract it.   i\u2019m not try to play the what if game...  it\u2019s just unsettling because this virus can actually be fatal especially once symptoms show. so it\u2019s basically a waiting game... ", "answer": "i think you have a misunderstanding. once the virus shows symptoms it is almost invariably fatal; if you were exposed you often must be treated without really knowing whether you were infected or not. testing the animal is the easiest way to know, but it's likely that you can't find the cat now. there were not thousands of cases in the us; there were a few dozen in the past two decades, partially because of aggressive prophylaxis after possible exposures.  rabies is actually fairly rare, and bites from an animal that isn't obviously sick are very unlikely to cause rabies. you are probably fine. but the risk of being wrong is contracting rabies and dying. ultimately we can't tell you what to do, just that the risk is very low but non-zero that you were infected and the risk of untreated infection is virtually 100% mortality.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9bmn2r", "comment_id": "9bmn2r"}, {"question": "brain pain", "description": "bro. i've had a migraine for three days at least. i've been nauseous as hell and i'm super tired, anyone know any fast remedies?", "answer": "yes, but they require a prescription.  nsaids like ibuprofen and sleep are often helpful but not instant.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8eo93k", "comment_id": "8eo93k"}, {"question": "just got rejected by my crush", "description": "and i feel amazing. seriously cannot believe i mustered up the courage to ask a woman out. thought this would feel way worse. im not scared anymore. i will no longer spend time wondering \"what if i did ask her out\" and i can move on.   fuck you anxiety ", "answer": "the pain of the buildup is often 10x worse than the pain of the rejection. great job!", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6dbno3", "comment_id": "6dbno3"}, {"question": "weaning off effexor 100 mg", "description": "so i've decided to get off of one of my medications, effexor (venlafaxine). my doctor told me to take one pill a day (instead of my usual two) and then a month later take one pill every other day. right now i'm still in the one pill a day phase. i'm starting to feel really sick every time i take that pill. would it be a totally terrible idea to just stop taking it? i feel like it gets out of my system a little and then i take it again and it makes me sick. any advice? ", "answer": "follow what your doctor says, if you don't feel well, call your doctor and talk to them. your doctor knows you better than we do. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "83ngdf", "comment_id": "83ngdf"}, {"question": "medical students/researchers/experienced doctors please help, i will pay/reward for new leads of my issues. gi/auto-immune?", "description": "let me start by saying thank you for any and all that read this, the support that reddit provides it absolutely outstanding and brings tears to my eyes everytime i can't believe someone on the internet that i don't even know can care enough to help/invest any of there precious time.  i am persuing medical treament as fast as i possibly can, i have an immunoligist appointment monday and a gi tuesday (fourth gi since last june). i just feel like i need to step it up and get as many eyes involved as possible as it has taken over my entire life. i work in it (thank god) so i can work from home through most of the symptoms, but it has gotten so bad i can't even drive in when i need to go in for a meeting.    the reason i'm offering a reward for any new leads is mostly because if i don't figure this out sooner than later, i may have to go on medical leave and already lose a chunk of my salary unfortunately. my boss is very understanding, but once it affects my work performance this much there is only so much we can do to prolong medical leave of any kind.    symptoms: every morning nausea, as soon as i wake up. some/most mornings involve vomitting bile several times, throughout i have a post nasal drip, excessive saliva, and coughing. abdominal pain generalized and some stabbing pain in right quadrant usually follow or are already present after waking up. this intense nausea/vomitting continues usually for the first couple-few hours until i get myself decent enough to drag my body out of the bathroom. laying down feels like it makes it worse so i generally try to sit up at this point, zofran takes an edge off, same with protonix to kill the more acidy feeling i have. during these periods of having my face in toilet, i also have the strong urge for a bm which usually happens of different consistentence but mostly solid lets say (3-6 bms) in the morning. after i take my cholestyramine packet i usually don't have a sudden urge except maybe right after finishing it with the glass of water. by this time it's late morning/early afternoon as the issues make me up decently early around 0600-0700.    the nausea continues into a complete lack of appetite as well, i try to stomach crackers/dry cereal while i can but it mostly feels like i am full after eatting a couple, or i'm just too nauseous to even think/smell food. the nausea/lack of appetite/abdominal pain continue throughout the day until i go to bed to rinse and repeat the cycle.    to add to this i have decently bad anxiety, but i'm sure this entire experience has factored it off the charts and adding more depression. i'm trying to take zoloft ~25mg recently as of two weeks ago, but it's not really helping much. i previously took lexapro and it was okay for a while, but i stopped after a while to try and see if it was a cause of my other nausea and etc issues.    age: 24 sex: non existent since issue oh....m height: 6' 1\" weight: 170 (195 was typical weight previously record june 2016) race: white non hispanic duration of complaint: over 10 months. location (geographic and on body): general gi issues, generalized abdominal pain, some stabbing pain in right quadrant.  any existing relevant medical issues (if any): \"mis-diagnosed\" gerd since 2014-2015. i say mis-diagnosed because it was never proven only just trial and error of medicine that reduced my acid feeling.   current medications (if any): zofran (8mg), protonix (40mg), bentyl (10mg), and cholestyramine packets (4g) include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example): only possibly semi-relavent skin issue, two spots on thigh, saw dermatologist who did not think much of them. i believe they have maybe grown in 3-4 years, but nothing really that notable, they don't hurt or anything just a bit of red circle/oval.    medical results (i have tons of blood work including celiac, vip, hiv, you name it, ask what blood test and i can provide results, which would be in normal range besides the results below) ***notable irregular result in immunoglobin    immunoglobulins igg iga igm \ufd3eimmunoglobulin quantitation\ufd3f \u2010 final result \ufd3e02/17/2017 5:14 pm\ufd3f component value ref range    igg 1150 | 620 \u2010 1520 mg/dl     iga 162 | 40 \u2010 350 mg/dl    igm 24 | 50 \u2010 370 mg/dl previous exams: ct, ultrasound, hida, endoscopy, and colonscopy, all unremarkable.  family history: mother (fibromyalgia, raynaud's, hashimoto's) father: (prostate cancer/removal ~2-3 years).  again, thank you all so much for your time. ", "answer": "you're on a tiny dose of sertraline to be prescribed for anxiety. any reason for this?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5yynn0", "comment_id": "5yynn0"}, {"question": "i've heard that gut bacteria can affect mental health?", "description": "19, male, 180cm, 135 pounds, white british, 4 years perhaps my whole life, england, depression, citalopram.  is it true that taking probiotic supplements can help with depression?", "answer": "it won't do much harm, but its definitely not as effective as conventional treatments such as antidepressants and certain psychological therapies.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "58aose", "comment_id": "58aose"}, {"question": "increasing cases of forgetfulness?", "description": "over the past couple of months i've found myself slipping into a rut o f anxiety and general disconnect from the world around me. i've had anxiety for years now but my girlfriend recently pointed out to me that i'm incredibly forgetful and unreliable, and i genuinely did not realise until the past few weeks. it's a real point of strain between us because naturally locking her out of the house for hours or forgetting to do something important for her (or indeed others) leads to the conclusion that i simply don't care, which isn't true at all.  i'm certain that my anxiety is not helping me in this regard, for if i recall now most of my major blips have been during a period where i am stressed or in a situation where my mind really isn't on it. i was just wondering if anybody else here suffers from this, the ease of which you completely forget to do something and only realise when you have an annoyed or hurt person standing in front of you confused as to why you can't get your stuff together.  it is difficult for me to communicate this to others because many just tell me i am stupid and need to use my brain, and furthermore to simply 'fix it'. does anybody have any advice for me on how i can help myself get off this slippery slope? ", "answer": "ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh! thank you for sharing this. you are certainly not the only one. i do the same thing.  to give you some background, i am (or was, just graduated) a graduate student in counseling psychology (i want to be a social worker/therapist/community organizer when i grow up). i was in my psychological evaluation class (where we learn about tests that are used to help assess and diagnose mental conditions and disorders) and we were learning about a memory test. the object of this portion of the test was to listen to a story and recall the details to the assessor. i realized that my classmates were having no trouble at all recalling particular details, while i struggled quite significantly. i felt terrible about myself. i thought i had some memory disorder, or possibly adhd (attention and memory have been struggles in my life, despite the fact that i have been a pretty good student).  so i went to get a psychological evaluation. turns out that my memory problems are associated less with deficiency in memory and attention and have more to do with (you guessed it) generalized and social anxiety.   this was about a year ago, and ever since i have been able to see really how much my anxiety gets in the way of my ability to fully experience the present. the way i have described it to other people is that its like a \"film\" that covers all of my perception and memory. i have trouble remembering details because i am so anxious when i'm talking to people that the memory never \"sticks.\"   my girlfriend gets so upset with me because i constantly forget details about her day, appointments that she has, preferences that she has, etc. y'know, all those things that go into communicating with people that you love/care about and want to engage with.  it's hard when i am with friends too because i forget about things we have talked about or things that wanted to talk with them about. i'm pretty much in \"survival mode\" when it comes to a lot of social interactions. i just want to keep the ball rolling. i am so focused on the other person's reactions and thoughts and whether they like me or not that i don't really engage in conversation, i just go through the motions. it feels really inauthentic and i hate it.  i am planning to see a therapist for it soon, but i'm moving and not exactly financially stable just yet. i highly recommend that you look into finding a counselor if you are struggling with anxiety. they can help you to clarify the source of the anxiety, how you experience it, and how you can better cope to lead a more fulfilling life. everyone is different, and what works for me might not work best for you. but i applaud you for having the courage to admit that you have a problem and ask questions!", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "3difnm", "comment_id": "3difnm"}, {"question": "i'm too awkward i give up", "description": "i've tried for the past 4 years to be sociable. i got into an addiction and used it as a crutch to be sociable. when i'm sober i just can't handle it. i'm pretty much a mute. i'm so awkward. i probably gave off the creepy vibe without even trying due to my social ineptness. now, if i try to talk to any one of the opposite sex i'm ignored or blown off.  the friends i had aren't really there any more. i feel like my social anxiety ruined my life and i committed social suicide. i don't know what else to do, except just give up.", "answer": "have you thought about therapy? therapy for social anxiety has effectiveness rates of about 70% for people that complete treatment. those are very good odds, so it can probably help you too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4a4izc", "comment_id": "4a4izc"}, {"question": "advice on coming off mirtazapine?", "description": "so i've been on 15 mg mirtazapine just for sleep. i suffer from anxiety and depression, so i'm on 150 mg venlafaxine (effexor) for that. i'm currently trying to come off of mirtazapine because it makes me terribly exhausted in the morning. i was wondering if there is anything to combat against the withdrawal symptoms? i get the flu like symptoms (excessive sweating, sore muscles, body aches, nausea).   also, should i cut the dose in half and take that for a week or just come straight off since it's a rather low dose already?   thank you so much in advance :)", "answer": "its a small dose already - just stop.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6uhhnf", "comment_id": "6uhhnf"}, {"question": "how to avoid telling friends i've never had a gf or kiss at 19?", "description": "i have one friend who is very open about her past relationships and she talks at me about them a lot. i am petrified that she will one day ask me about my experiences of which i have none. so i just say yeah and uh huh and nod and never really contribute to these conversations. perhaps she just knows i have no romantic history whatsoever?", "answer": "don't worry about it too much. i didn't have a girlfriend until i was 21, and i turned out ok :) lots of people don't date when they are teenagers. so if she asks, you can just say that you've never dated and it shouldn't be that big of a deal.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1efhca", "comment_id": "1efhca"}, {"question": "[34][male] how easy is it to get a brain amoeba?", "description": "today i was accessing a sewer line cleanout on a septic system. the line was holding sewage in it and i accidentally got a very small amount of sludge on my face near my nose. i washed my face in the hose with soap and as i was doing that i splashed a small amount of water into my nostril. i think it went maybe 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch into my nostril. is there any chance i can get a brain amoeba this way?", "answer": "naegleria fowleri, the \"brain-eating amoeba\" is rare and lives in fresh water. getting sewage in your face might be a small risk for infections transmitted by fecal-oral contact, but an amoeba isn't one of those concerns.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "f433at", "comment_id": "f433at"}, {"question": "i now understand the temptation of crushes when you are in a relationship", "description": "short background: me and my wife hav ebeen married for 2 years, been together for 10 years now. one of those teenage loves, we were 15 at the time.  i never, ever had any girl tempt me the slightest. they just don't. i had my pals tell me that this and that girl looks good and how much they'd like to be with this or that. i understood that yes they might look attractive, beautiful, or whatever, but i never really met anyone who could make me even think about the what-if, not to mention leaving.  up until now. i switched jobs this year. new place, new everything and i actually really enjoy the new place. improvement from any and all perspectives, props to me. however, with the september, we stole a girl from another department to work for our team.  she is the first person ever who made me think whatifs. never before. funny part we were born on the same day, few years difference, but it's just those strange things you click with someone, even if you never really met before. the humor, the jokes, the habits, the traits. really curious. and i realized after a few days or so, that i am sometimes thinking that if i didn't have my wife, what it would/could maybe be with this girl.  and it freaked me out.   now part of the reason our relationship works so much, is that we both are constantly reading about the dynamics, and possible conflicts, we communicate pretty well, and i fortunately read a lot about crushes in general. i forced a kind of analytical view on me.  i looked for the things that make me excited to meet her every day. it is obviously just those things we connect on, which are different with my wife.  colleague likes the weird weeb shit i like and can't get my wife to like. she likes the dark humor my wife sometimes get creeped out by. she is just as extrovert as i am (a lot). she acts really girly, feminine, on purpose obviously, but still. my wife is rather a tomboyish woman, but she can be the sexiest woman on the earth if she wants to:) but that is it! i realized, that the fact is, this crush is nothing much. this crush is just the fact i found someone i can connect on topics i am not able to with my so.   that is not a threat. and that is not a reason for any stupid deceisons. so i decided i will enjoy having met this person, this really friendly and lot-in-common girl, have her as a work-friend, and just love my wife even more for the fact.  however i also realize thow weaker relationships, weaker willed people, or just less prepared men and women can collapse because of such a temptation. it's extremely easy to think that just because someone has the qualities you think you are missing from your so, they could be a better partner, worth throwing away everything. they aren't. they are just people who can fill out one more thing in your life. but they aren't your so. and they won't be.  edit: boy, did this blow up overnight :) glad you guys liked it, i just wanted to get this out there, as i was sure sme of you might need this too.  best of everything to all of you and your sos!", "answer": "if only everyone were as mature as you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "77mnu2", "comment_id": "77mnu2"}, {"question": "planning ahead for medication changes for psychosis and seizures.", "description": "22f 66.6kgs 172cm caucasian  case history:   i experienced a severe tbi two years ago and was placed into a drug-induced coma for two months to regulate brain swelling and intracranial pressures.   i experienced drug-induced tonic-clonic seizures (i\u2019ve forgotten the name of this drug but can find it if needed).   i awoke from my coma and took 9 months to leave the in-patient rehabilitation facility after these two months in the icu.   the areas of my brain are said to increase the likelihood of future seizures (left prefrontal cortex and right back cerebellum from concussive force). a skull fracture occurred on the back of my skull and a brain probe was inserted into the prefrontal cortex to regulate pressure. i was kept in cryostasis.   before the accident i had been prescribed sumatriptan for monthly hormone-related migraines, ventolin for exercise-induced asthma and metoprolol (1x25 mg/day) for my mitral valve prolapse, high blood pressure and social-anxiety related urticaria. i have bilastine (4x20mg/day) prescribed for urticaria in my legs when standing from long periods due to poor circulation.   the experts at the rehabilitation clinic had prescribed me 500mg 2x/day keppra (levetiracetam) and seroquel (quetiapine) 25-50mg 1x/day. keppra caused psychosis and subsequent insomnia, hence the seroquel. the keppra also caused hair loss, incessant itching, concentration issues, rashes, emotion regulation issues and other things. seroquel causes fatigue and weight gain (10kgs in under 4 months).   i now need to drive and am doing a strenuous degree. the concentration issues and constant fatigue in combination to the psychosis and insomnia became too much. to drive i must stay on an anti-epileptic. i am being switched to lamictal over the next six weeks to accommodate these factors.   my question is, in the case that the seroquel must be continued (i.e. the chronic fatigue does not stop), can seroquel be prescribed for the psychosis and insomnia, modafinil for the fatigue and concentration issues and lamictal for the chance of seizures? do these medications conflict? would a sedative and a stimulant combination completely wreck my body\u2019s own energy regulatory systems?  i know that it is not super to have been prescribed seroquel to counteract the side-effects of keppra, but i fear that the two years of being on keppra will have ingrained the psychotic personality traits and habits so deeply that i will have to now always take seroquel and subsequently suffer from chronic fatigue.   i would be so grateful for any help and if this may be something feasible and worth bringing up the next time i can see my doctors. thanks.", "answer": "partly to u/dranoto as well.   keppra side effects can be permanent. lacosamide (vimpat) and zonisamide (zonegran) have less effect on mood. lamotrigine (lamictal) and valproate (depakote) definitely are better for mood, and the former tends to have few side effects. (the dame can\u2019t be said for valproate.)  at 50 mg seroquel is basically not an antipsychotic anyway. if you do need an antipsychotic, there are more tolerable options, usually. if you just need something for sleep, there are also many drugs with better side effect profiles.  you have doctors already. talk to them about making the switches.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "hxwamn", "comment_id": "hxwamn"}, {"question": "looking for a good, simple reminder app", "description": "hey adhd reddit,  my partner and i have adhd and of course we have to constantly put reminders on our phones, like taking our pills in the morning, the time when we have to start leaving for work, or the steaks on the frying pan that will start burning in five minutes.  our only current option is to use the different alarm options on the phone, but they're very noisy and annoying, and we keep hitting snooze instead of stop and it's annoying. a simple \"ding\" would be enough.  ​  would someone know of an app like this ? it would be much appreciated.", "answer": "you - \"ok google, remind me in five minutes to take the frying pan off the stove.\"   google lady - \"ok, in five minutes i will remind you to .... take the frying pan off the stove.\"  you - \"thankyou google\"  bitch never replies with you're welcome.  in all seriousness i say ok google to everything. then when it comes up on your phone you cam click mark as done or you can change the time to later. or you can ignore it and say \"ok google, remind me in blah blah to mark my reminder as done\" etc.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "c1lciz", "comment_id": "c1lciz"}, {"question": "how to talk someone out of conspiracy theories?", "description": "my sister's dating a conspiracy theorist, who helped while she was married to her abusive ex-husband. he seems to believe nothing but conspiracy theories. i've honestly questioned more than once if he believes anything that's actually true. so far, i've seen no reason to believe he does. i'm starting to think he's schizotypy (at best), if not outright delusional. problem is, he's been talking my sister into believing conspiracy non-sense too. she's actually refusing to wear a mask in public because of that lunatic.  i've tried to reason with him, but anytime i offer counter-evidence to his beliefs he literally just says 'nuh-uh' and presents his own idea of 'evidence', which he got from some single obscure source (he often claims his sources report on things nobody else does). i honestly suspect that he's an alt-righter the way he talks, which would be ironnic given that he often claims to be jewish (technically he says he's a samaritan, but his beliefs don't align with that religion from my research). last time i saw him, he made some obviously racist comments about blacks (which was lovely), claimed that the entire left and the blm are the actual racists, and also admitted to me he watches a bunch of obviously fake youtube channels that talk about ancient aliens and whatnot.  i don't know what to do here. i'm tempted to just tell the guy he needs psychiatric treatment, but i doubt that would get anywhere. i'm just an sjw to him it seems. in all honesty, he seems to be convinced i'm the one with the mental problems, for not believing in the illuminati and thinking the moon landings happened and whatnot. i've also thought about just telling my sister to break up with him, but she's so deep into conspiracy theories now too i don't know if i could talk her into that. besides, she's been reliant on him since she moved out from her ex-husband. she may not be able to avoid that lunatic even if she wanted to.  what can i do about this? i've asked online multiple places, but i never get a response. the situation is starting to get dire here, since my sister is refusing to wear a mask in public (she thinks the covid-19 virus is no worse than the flu, and thinks i'm just overreacting by wearing a mask). and yes, this guy's a blind trump supporter to. and yes, it didn't take him long to forget that incident when trump made an anti-semitic comment. he seems to think anyone who isn't blindly loyal to that man is anti-american. i really don't know what i can do here. he's endangering my sister by talking her into conspiracy bs about the coronavirus, and i've noticed she seems to be talking to us less and less. now, he's not an abusive person from what i've seen, he's just insane. i actually had a father (who's now deceased) that was once diagnosed as schizophrenic, and even he was more attached to reality than this guy.   i have no idea what i can do about this. the only other relative i have in town is my mother, but she has anxiety so i'd rather not bring this up with her. i've given her a few hints that he's talking my sister into conspiracy theories, but she doesn't appear to grasp how bad this is getting, and i don't want to bring it up to her. at the rate things are going, i would seriously organize an intervention if i could my sister's losing touch with reality so much because of that obvious mad man. he may be a nice guy, but he's wound up in falsehoods like you wouldn't believe, and some of the stuff he believes is honestly dangerous (like denying that the virus going around is anything serious).   please help me, i need to do something about this but i don't know what i can do. everything i've found online just says there's no way you can talk sense into a conspiracy theorist, and i'm in a situation where i need to do just that.", "answer": "there is no way to talk anyone out of conspiracy theories.  even when a person is delusional , has hallucinations, or has extreme false beliefs due to dementia,  a psychologist would never typically try to use logic or argue. if logic worked,  the beliefs wouldn't exist to begin with.  when we treat delusions,  we try to connect with the feelings behind it,  because the feelings are real even if the story is not.   lots of people right now are refusing masks and  believe that the virus is a conspiracy.  for most , denial is a way to deal with anxiety.   in my opinion,  the best you can do is make sure your sister knows you are there for 100% if she decides to leave . it may feel safer for her to buy into the conspiracy theories than to face whatever comes next for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hs1w3x", "comment_id": "hs1w3x"}, {"question": "looking for suggestions for therapy for a 23m with ocd and psychosis nos that aren't sedating antipsychotics", "description": "i don't know if this is the right subreddit to ask this in, or if we're allowed to solicit advice on behalf of others, but i really would like some help. suggestions on where to cross-post this would also be great.  my boyfriend very recently had a psychotic break due to refusing to take his medication. i want him to get better permanently, so once he's stabilized i'd like to have some information ready about different options. he absolutely loathes all the sedating antipsychotics he's tried. he didn't dislike abilify, which afaik is the only activating antipsychotic he's tried, but he said it distanced himself from his emotions too much for his liking. it was also only a moderate dose (12.5mg); it didn't cover his psychotic symptoms fully but made him feel zonked out. he was also on strattera (or something extremely similar; i recall it being a non-stimulant ad[h]d medication) for a short spell; i seem to remember it made him feel manic. i feel like if we have to go the antipsychotic route again, an activating antipsychotic would be the way to go. however...  once the non-compliance im injections are through, i fully expect him to balk at taking anything that's labelled an antipsychotic no matter how helpful it is or could be. are there, perhaps, some alternatives here? i'm not familiar at all with alternative therapies for psychosis in particular; i know therapy (cbt and rebt in particular) is good for ocd, but i'm not familiar with any treatments for psychosis that aren't antipsychotics.", "answer": "which country are you based? im assuming canada but you could be anywhere.  antipsychotics are pretty much the only way to effectively treat psychosis.  aripiprazole depot might be an option?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5w9w3m", "comment_id": "5w9w3m"}, {"question": "i'm venezuelan and i feel like i've never lived my life.", "description": "i am a 20 years old guy from venezuela and i feel like my life is being wasted.  okay here it goes. i was born in a middle-class family in a town somewhere in the venezuelan andes. when i was born my father retired for some reason i never understood, my mother never had a job, even after that i had the chance to attend a private school. time passed, when i was a child, i was basically forced to hear about politics a lot, even though at that age i never really understood anything about it (i\u2019m talking when i was 6 or 8). when i was a child, the economic situation wasn\u2019t as hard as it is now. i was a happy kid who never worried about nothing, only about getting good grades at school to make my parents proud, not because i really wanted it. i grew up as a guy with a really low self-esteem, i hated everything about my body and my personality.  now i\u2019m a 20 years old who feels like i\u2019ve never really lived my life, i\u2019m currently living rented in a room in another city, i study and i have a job that doesn\u2019t pay much. why do i talk so much about the economic situation? well, to no one is a secret that the government in venezuela is not and was not the best, with all this \u201csocialism of the xxi century\u201d stuff and that chavez adoration. i am a person who\u2019s never been on vacations to a nice place, the last time i was in a real \u201cvacation\u201d was probably when i was 12, since then all i\u2019ve done is study and live my sad and monotonous life.  venezuela is one of the most dangerous countries in the world, and i can confirm it. i\u2019ve been stabbed twice and shot once, mostly by thieves who tried to steal my stuff (like my cellphone or my wallet), and i have to live that everyday of my life, i can\u2019t stand the fact that i have to be scared if i leave my classes at 6pm because i know it\u2019ll be dark and it\u2019ll be dangerous for me so i\u2019ll have to put my phone inside my boxers just in case things get ugly because sadly i don\u2019t have the money to buy another one.  only to buy a laptop i had to save money for over two years and a half, i don\u2019t want this for me. i feel like i\u2019m being consumed here with no possibilities of getting out. everytime i check the tv or the news and i see anything government related i just get sick because i know it\u2019ll be something bad for the people who really wants to get out of here.  everytime i talk to my father, all he talks about is how hard is now to get a roll of toilet paper or milk, that he has to make huge queues to buy a pack of flour and sometimes he gets so happy when he gets the chance to buy 2 liters of milk, i mean...how low can our standards get that we get happy for stuff that used to be easy to get before?  everytime i talk to my mother, she starts crying because she says i don\u2019t deserve to live what i live, that i deserve to live in a better place where i don\u2019t have to risk my life everytime i\u2019m outside, yesterday i was in my faculty and some hooded men called \u201ctupamaros\u201d (government supporters) started throwing tear gas bombs everywhere to close the faculty because they want vacations already (some of them are actually students). of course i didn\u2019t tell this to my mom or she\u2019d freak out.  i forgot to mention that i\u2019m an engineering student, i\u2019m studying hard to become an engineer as soon as possible so i can get out of here because i literally cannot stand this anymore, every night i start crying until i fall asleep, i don\u2019t know how i haven\u2019t lost my motivation for study yet.  with my studies and my job, i\u2019m a really busy person, so\u2026i actually have now what you would call a long distance relationship, yes, with a girl i\u2019ve never seen in my life. she\u2019s from a country in europe that i won\u2019t name. she says she\u2019s deeply in love with me, and somehow i feel like i am too. i don\u2019t have the time to have a real girlfriend, and to be honest\u2026why did i choose to have a relationship with a girl like this? not gonna lie, she\u2019s a very cute girl and i\u2019m fascinated by her, but at the same time, somehow\u2026she represents the future i want for myself, i want to live in a country where i can be outside after 6pm and not be scared, i want to live in a country where i can find the food of all the brands i want, i want to live in a country with a stable job and a decent purchasing power where i don\u2019t have to save money for years to buy a miserable laptop or where the thought of buying clothes is something unthinkable, i want to live in a country where i\u2019m not limited to have $400 per year for a fucking exchange control. but more than that, i want experiences, i want to travel, i want to live life\u2026but sadly, that\u2019s something impossible at the moment.  i know my english is awful and i\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language. ", "answer": ">i know my english is awful and i\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language.      bwahahahaaaaa your english is fucking perfect man.  you will get in anywhere easily :)      finish your engineering degree and come on over.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1s77uu", "comment_id": "1s77uu"}, {"question": "how would you handle a patient traumatized by the supernatural?", "description": "i\u2019m a writer so please understand this is all theoretical.   i have a character suffering ptsd from a supernatural experience. i\u2019ve thought about this a lot\u2014 how would they get treatment if their experiences sound like delusions? since the experiences were real, but sound like they are fantasies, i\u2019m imagining getting a therapist to appropriately treat them would be difficult.   or to write it in a case study (?) type form; patient a has a history of depression and suicide attempts. they have high levels of paranoia, flashbacks of traumatic events, and nightmares. the events they describe sound completely impossible and fantastical, but the patient has no other signs of delusions. they have been repeatedly hospitalized for depression, and have taken a variety of medications with mild or no improvement. how do you treat this patient?  thank you to anyone who answers!!", "answer": "while i'm sending many folks here seem to have a really negative view of therapists and therapy here they are right in some aspects.     therapist here who has worked extensively with psychotic clients over the years.  i would say my approach is often much more effective than that of others in that in working with them i'll treat whatever they're telling me as if it's real, because it is real for them.  if they ask me if i believe them, i'll often say something like \"well... i don't necessarily believe it nor do i disbelieve it.  i'm scientifically minded and since i can't prove or disprove it, it's not really important to me whether i believe it or not.\"  often we'll work on how/why it's important that me or others believe them.     in general, someone in the circumstance you've described would likely be diagnosed with ptsd and possibly schizophrenia or a more acute diagnosis if they were claiming the events happened recently and they were fine before that.  at a certain point, i'd probably recommend they talk to a psychiatrist to see if any meds could help \"at the very least, to deal with all of the stress this event has caused you.\"  it would be up to the psychiatrist what they want to put them on.     at the end of the day, psychosis, trauma, etc.  we're not trying to convince them they're wrong.  we're trying to help clients live their best life possible, so we treat the symptoms of the person that are causing them problems, not the specific diagnosis.  the person doesn't want to have flashbacks anymore?  we try to figure out a way to get the flashbacks to stop.  the client doesn't want nightmares anymore?  we try to get the nightmares to stop.  if there belief in what happened to them in and of itself isn't exacerbating the symptoms or blocking them from getting to the point they want to be at, then it's not something i'm focused on changing.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dphmc8", "comment_id": "dphmc8"}, {"question": "may i be infected of tuberculosis?", "description": "long story short: i met a girl online, we meet and we liked each other. we were really close all night, but no contact a part from cordial kisses on hello and goodbye. she agreed on going to my place but when we were leaving the bar (which casually was full of friends of mine, it's like our bar, and she talked closely to some guys and girls from my circle) she told me about her mother having tuberculosis, being on the hospital since september. then she told me she and her sister were on preventive treatment. edit: both, her sister and her are infected too, (i mean, tb is inside them but is not showing symptoms) i understood treatment is to prevent it to get bigger.  ​  with my ninja google skills i did a quick search. damn, tb is air transmited. i entered on panic mode, defcon 1, my friends and i were on danger. luckily a friend called me and i said her it was an emergency we should postpone our bed time.  ​  should i check myself? should my friends check themselves?  ​  i mean, i know i'm a bit paranoid right now, tb is now kinda on control and may never present symtoms, but i don't want inside me something that can put in danger those i love.  ​  ​  excuse me if i've been non-respectful with something. i'm just kinda afraid.", "answer": "seems like you're probably more worried than you need to be. her mother is the one infected, not her, and she is on some kind of medication to prevent or treat it anyway and likely has been for a month. the chances of infection aren't knowable, but since she said nothing about being infected, and the infection is likely suppressed by antibiotics if she were, i don't think you were at risk.  if you will be worried you can get a test done in a couple of months, but even if it comes back positive i would be inclined to suspect chance contact on the street rather than someone who is likely getting close attention from doctors for tb exposure already.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "9rz7vz", "comment_id": "9rz7vz"}, {"question": "15m is it possible i had the coronavirus?", "description": "m, 15, usa, possibly had coronavirus  i was really sick in mid december with a dry cough and shortness of breath, and a sore throat so bad, i could not speak. a mild fever ensured and i was overall sick for atleast 3 weeks. after attending the doctors office, they concluded i didnt test positive for seasonal flu, nor any other test they offered, including swine flu. is it possible i had the coronavirus?", "answer": "if you did, you would see many people around you with the same symptoms. i'm assuming you live with your parents?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fmyczp", "comment_id": "fmyczp"}, {"question": "18 months sober and i thought i could drink like normal people again...", "description": "sober for 1.5 years and i decided i might be able to handle alcohol differently. big mistake i\u2019ve ruined everything i worked so hard to achieve. so on the 11 december i relapsed and made a dick of myself. and then again yesterday i thought why not i\u2019ll give it another go. i\u2019ve lost my girl because of this stupid behaviour. so my drinking has ruined my life again. please stay strong people and hopefully my story stops someone not go back down the unforgiving rabbit hole that is alcohol. peace be to you all", "answer": "sorry this happened to you. i appreciate the reminder of what happens when we drink again. just remember you don\u2019t have to continue with the downward spiral. it can and will always get worse. if you stop the damage now, hopefully you will look back at this as a minor setback, and maybe even a needed wake up call. wishing you the best moving forward.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "eaunq0", "comment_id": "eaunq0"}, {"question": "i'm [45/f] first relationship and he [48/m] needs \"alone time\" and i don't know what to do with this.", "description": "this is my first relationship if you can call it that. i have always been extremely introverted to the point i don't go out unless it's for work but i met this guy and after getting a divorce [him], we started hanging out.  we have never said we were exclusive and yes, sex was on the agenda but so was spending time together whenever we could. he has a very high-stress job and is a workaholic so spending time with him is always a scheduling nightmare.  this has been going on for almost a year and this week he calls and says that he has been seeing myself and another woman, \"he's sorry, needs time to think and be alone, has been stringing us both along\" blah, blah, blah.  apparently she had also seen my texts to him (which i find to be an invasion of my privacy) and they had a fight which is why i got the phone call.  that was four days ago and i get no response from him at all.  i honestly don't know what to do with this.  i don't feel like i'm losing a partner so much as losing a friend but i can't tell if i'm losing anything at all!  what do i do?", "answer": "he doesn't seem ready for a relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77x9il", "comment_id": "77x9il"}, {"question": "existential deadening because of antipsychotics? incredibly suicidal because of this.", "description": "**tl;dr: feeling internally dead. just been prescribed bipolar meds but i'm not sure i'm bipolar, so i think it's making some weird and unintended effects. how do bipolar meds to non-bipolar people take effect? because i believe something's happening to me. i've feel like i've been mistakenly given wrong meds**  ---------------------------------   hi there guys, i'm not sure if this is alright to post here but let me know and i'll delete this asap. i'm just a bit upset as of the moment and need some third-person perspective on this. please, please let me know where i should post this because i'm not meeting my psychiatrist for a while because he's out of town and i need some advice.   anyway. i feel really dead.  long story short is that i'm emotionally and existentially dead right now, and i haven't ever felt that before ever since i was depressed for 2 years. like, it's making me really uncomfortable insomuch that i become extremely apathetic of the future and that i lose interest in everything. all my goals for the future i've come up during therapy just contributes no enjoyment anymore, and it's become severe enough that i've been seriously thinking of killing myself because what's the point? depression for me has always been sadness to the point of nullity, but this time the nullity has become too strong that i just want to end it. i hate myself.  i'm on bipolar meds as well. and i don't think i'm bipolar.  ok, so context. i've recently been prescribed lamotrigine (a bipolar med) to combine with escitalopram which my psychiatrist halved the dose recently too. i was on abilify before to stop my impulsivity and suicidal intent and i've realized soon after that my psychiatrist suspects i'm bipolar (for a myriad of reasons, but to be honest i always thought i just had unipolar and that those \"manic\" episodes were just normal episodes of, you know, life?). [**here are some reasons i think my psych suspects i'm bipolar: impulsive drinking, self-harm, made two big unnecessary decisions in life in a short timespan, racing thoughts, feelings of wanting to jump off a bridge, irritability, some euphoria (possibly caused by biperiden meds)]**  anyway, i'm sleepy all the goddamn time. i've never been bedridden because of depression (only occasionally), and now i've stayed in bed for a little less than 24 hours. i feel cognitively slow and upset. i really hate feeling like to an extent i would actually trade my old feelings of extreme loneliness, sadness, and some emotional chest pains.   here's a list of the meds i've been on recently (just to provide some info to anyone who's had experience on the same): escitalopram (been on it since the start), aripiprazole/abilify (added after the escitalopram was treatment-resistant), biperiden/akineton (to ease the side-effects), lamotrigine (new med that replaced the abilify).  the question i have right now is whether this is just me or is it the meds? because if it's the meds, is there any way to fix this or am i doomed to magically resolve this through my own effort and therapy (which i honestly feel impossible, and i'm being rational right now). what do you guys think? i just want to feel happy or content or something again and i don't know what to do.    ", "answer": "coming from the practitioner side of things: most clients i've worked with who were taking mood stabilizers typically had unpleasant side effects initially, anywhere between 1 to 3-4 weeks. for most, these side effects decreased in severity over time, and then mostly alleviated. for those who continued having intolerable side effects, they were switched to other meds. most meds will give you side effects unfortunately, however often these will alleviate within a few weeks. it's not fair to ask, but often we need the client to push through the side effects if they can to see if ultimately they will go away (and the med be a successful regimen) or if it needs to be switched.  i don't know your psychiatrist (and certainly there can be a few dicks in this profession like in any other), but i'd encourage you to ask him why he prescribed these meds and what he believes your diagnosis might be. sometimes, for example, mood stabilizers are given to help with borderline personality disorder, as opposed to only bipolar disorder. most clinicians i know welcome having an actively involved client. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2hz44m", "comment_id": "2hz44m"}, {"question": "should i try to find a therapist for my self-harm?", "description": "i\u2019ve done nssi for about two years (17f), and only superficial cuts. they didn\u2019t get deeper significantly over the course of two years. i\u2019m also pretty sure i don\u2019t have depression and i haven\u2019t had anxiety attacks in a while.  do you think i should reach out to a therapist or parents/counsellors? or should i just wait this out?", "answer": "if it seems to be escalating as you\u2019ve said, i would contact a therapist. if you feel comfortable talking to your parents or a school counselor you can start there, especially with your parents if you need them to sign documents to receive treatment. even if you don\u2019t need them to sign, it is good to have support.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gd61v6", "comment_id": "gd61v6"}, {"question": "where is that happy medium btwn being alone and not needing anyone; and having and so and needing them all the time?", "description": "example: i was alone for a long time and i learned to live with it. no one was texting me, no one looking forward to seeing me and vice versa. and for the most part i learned to ignore that loneliness. i had hobbies, i kept busy. yeah, i had to face that last hour before bed, but i could distract myself.  right now, i'm seeing someone and all of a sudden i feel so needy. i want all of her. i feel jealous if she is out without me, and i know that jealousy is my insecurity that i'll be rejected, so i see any other friends as threats.  i'm reminded of a post i saw recently that mentioned how bpd symptoms only manifest themselves thru interactions with others, and how someone with bpd, alone on an island, would appear perfectly normal. there's a part of me that, though i want this woman in my life, i hate feeling possessive.   i see now with past exes that i tried to more or less put them in a cage. i was so scared of rejection that i wanted to preclude from their lives any avenue by which they might leave.  i don't want to do that! i want this woman to be happy and independent and to be able to choose everyday to be with me.   if anyone has any advice on dealing with these feelings, if you've been thru a similar situation, i'd appreciate hearing about it.", "answer": "everyone is normal in a vacuum. make no mistake, bpd is not unique in that aspect. if you were alone on an island you would never be abnormal. however, you'd be lonely as fuck. so that's not a good indication either lol", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "bk37qs", "comment_id": "bk37qs"}, {"question": "anxiety and insecure outbursts are killing me", "description": "my insecurity is killing my relationship. i'm aware of this and it's something that i'm trying to get under control and i recently started talking to a counselor. my relationship is on the ropes though and i need some better techniques to control my urges to bring up issues. the problem is whatever is bothering me will nag at me until i say something even if my significant other and i have talked about it a million times i just need to get it out and it's driving him mad because it's creating issues that aren't really issues. i was sure he was going to dump me this weekend. advice please?!", "answer": "i would see a therapist. psychologytoday.com if in the us", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6mgevd", "comment_id": "6mgevd"}, {"question": "the life of an ugly gay", "description": "hello world, i just wanted to come here to vent about my life and wallow in my own self pity. if you'd like to join the pity party, you're more than welcome.  i'm openly gay and live in a city with a thriving lgbt community. i've never really been exposed to homophobia or anything and am pretty lucky in that sense. however, i'm not cute. i mean, the people in my life tell me i'm attractive but i feel like that's more politeness than honesty. my two biggest criticisms of myself are that im overweight and relatively feminine. although, i have a pretty extensive dating history, but that doesn't matter to me. in my mind, i'm quasimodo constantly trying to court esmeralda.    after many failed attempts to lose weight, i turned to cocaine and developed a serious addiction. i could see everyone around me worried about my health, telling me that i'm 'too skinny'. but in the mirror i was still obese and undesirable. i needed more blow, i neededto suppress my appetite, i needed to become beautiful. instead, i became a monster.  today, i'm trying to quit hard drugs. my appetite is going haywire as a result and i can literally feel myself swelling up. it's terrifying because the only way i can think to stop it is to  turn back to my old ways. i don't want that, but i also don't want to be a fat femme gay boy forever.", "answer": "you need to see a psychiatrist.  you seem to have a chronic disorder with how you perceive your appearance, and you need to be under the care of a physician as you try to quit those hard drugs and return to a healthier weight.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bd4l9", "comment_id": "4bd4l9"}, {"question": "turning 25 this year and have never been in a romantic relationship. starting to feel hopeless.", "description": "i have an amazing family, great friends and an all around good life. but i can't seem to make a romantic relationship work.   i've had a couple girlfriends and gone on lots of dates, but nothing serious or very long lasting.   all i want is a girl i can talk to and watch stupid youtube videos with, nothing crazy. but everytime i am romantically attracted to someone, it falls apart in my hands. i act like a moron, no matter how much i try to \"be myself\", not happening. and the few girls i have managed to become comfortable around, either friend zone me or i try to take the next step and fudge it up some way or another.  i don't know why i'm making this post. i don't even know what my real problem is. i just need to get this out.", "answer": "maximize opportunities to have conversations with girls. recreation/social activities, online dating, meetup.com. it will happen!   then go slow", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67uf92", "comment_id": "67uf92"}, {"question": "i [20/m] have feelings for my best friend [21/f], don't know what to do.", "description": "i'm in my first year of university and have known her for about 8 months. i didn't realize i had feelings for her until 2-3 months ago. at first my response was to try backing off and hope the feelings would fade away. usually that's what happens to me as i've only had long lasting feelings once before. but they didn't die and now i can't figure out what to do. i really don't want to risk our friendship because i value it a lot and a few of my other important friendships would also be hurt if my relation with her was hurt. i see her every day usually including the weekends.  i can't go on like this because whilst i feel great being around her and just seeing her makes me happy. it hurts so much when i hear about her being with other guys and i get a little jealous just seeing her talking to guys. sometimes this ruins an entire day.   she probably doesn't have feelings for me and i'm not sure of what kind of outcome i want. the best would probably be for my feelings to die, but she's quite amazing and i don't get these kind of feelings often.  right now i'm thinking about telling her or potentially ask a friend for advice, but both of those are quite terrifying to me.", "answer": "tell her how you feel. if she doesn't reciprocate and is mature, you'll stay best friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jsv6", "comment_id": "67jsv6"}, {"question": "social workers and other professionals in recovery? how can i avoid clients in aa and still recover?", "description": "longtime lurker, but i haven't been able to find adequate answers on this issue. i have been in and out of recovery for over a year (including aa and lots of reading of this sub) and am recently back on the wagon after many months' drinking. i am living in a new area, which is smaller than where i used to live. i work in child welfare.   i am hoping someone here has experience as a social worker, mental health provider, etc. who can shed some light on the potential conflict of being part of a recovery community while serving clients who may be court-ordered or otherwise involved in aa.   i am worried about running into clients/future clients in a meeting, and even though i get the \"anonymity\" thing, it's not like i can take back their knowledge of me being an alcoholic. since i am only 3 weeks sober right now, i can't pretend to hold the status of a \"recovered\" alcoholic or spin it as a professional advantage in any way. it would damage my rapport with that client and could be a huge risk to my job/reputation at work.   i would have to travel well over an hour to hit a meeting outside where potential clients live, but i did find aa helpful in the past. any suggestions or similar experiences?   also, thank all of you who contribute here. i can't express how much it has helped silent lurkers like me.  ", "answer": "studying to become a substance abuse counselor now and i had some issues with the the line of work i was going into and how it would work with the traditions. not the same i know, but i learned a few things close to what you're talking about.  first of all, i'd like to mention that the those in helping professions who were most effective with me were the ones in recovery. the ones who i could relate with on the same level as those i can relate to in aa. so i don't think it's particularly harmful to your rapport with your clients. maybe in early sobriety it's something that could hinder, but the way i look at it is if you don't stay sober it will likely be worthless anyway.  another thing i know is there are very strict rules on interaction with clients outside of the treatment setting. i'd read up on those to make sure what you can and cannot do in regards to confidentiality. the two years and two months rule applies in the states that i live in. that rule being you cannot maintain anything more than a professional relationship with a client until two years and two months after their last date in treatment. this means you can't sponsor any clients inside of two years and two months from their last day in your care. i know there is also a rule that pertains to this in regards to contact with clients. from my understanding, you as the caregiver cannot initiate contact with a client outside of a professional setting. if they approach you then a conversation is allowed though.  that's what i understand of some very basic confidentiality laws in regards to contact with a client outside of the workplace. i also could be wrong on some of the specifics, but that's what i got out of conversations with friends who work in treatment centers and what not. also things vary from state to state so i'd encourage you to talk to someone who supervises you and get a better understanding.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1tf5rp", "comment_id": "1tf5rp"}, {"question": "need advice please", "description": "i'm (19f) and i have a relationship i've been with him for a year and half he is 22 and like 3 months into the relationship i found that his guy friend would send him nudes of other girls and he apologize and then later we broke up and we got together right away and 2 weeks later he would still tell his friend we weren't together then that same day i found that he asked his guy friend \" who is that girl with the big booty\" and i got mad ! i don't trust him and now it's been almost a 8 months since that happen and he started being different towards me doesn't want to see me as often doesn't tell me what he is doing and says he doesn't have to tell me everything he does and he would never shave down there and now all of a sudden he starts .   i need advice please , am i overreacting or he is up to something ", "answer": "he's not ready for a serious relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5majgf", "comment_id": "5majgf"}, {"question": "help! a relative of mine believes he's god", "description": "he started behaving very strangely yesterday. quoting holy text, then berating family members for not being religious enough. he claims that god is inside him and at the same time he's a slave of god. claims such as everyone being hypocrites except his wife's grandmother followed...among everything else.  he further believes he's on a mission of global peace and today he said he knew how to defeat the antichrist. we're taking him to a doctor today, but i'd like to know if any of you ladies/gentlemen have seen cases like this before. your advice would be greatly appreciated!  edit: just wanted to point out that he doesn't exhibit any violent tendencies except raising his voice occasionally at people who disagree with his views. he also has sleep issues (sleeps from 10 pm to 1 am) and then starts praying and doesn't sleep for the rest of the day. he's been preaching at work too so his boss put him on a leave of absence.", "answer": "sometimes people who believe they are god or have the spirit of god can take more risks than they normally would.  for instance i know a case where someone believed they were god and could fly, so they jumped off of a 1 story roof.  they are fine, but the point is if there is a delusion of thinking they can not or will not die if they engage in dangerous behaviors, they may be more likely to do so.   based on what you described i feel that at this time he is not in danger of engaging in risk taking behavior but, it is something to be aware of.    edit: don't ask if they feel like they are invincible, wait till it comes up if at all.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scp9q", "comment_id": "2scp9q"}, {"question": "is the relationship dying", "description": "let start by saying we sold the engagement ring  we've built in plan in case we do break up. i don't feel like in find her as attractive n mostly annoyed when doing things with her. we often argue over little n big things including money she spends her time watching tv i spend mine playing games in my den   it feels over like were both just waiting on the other to pull the trigger ", "answer": "couples therapy or break up. stop wallowing. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69c8o3", "comment_id": "69c8o3"}, {"question": "fianc\u00e9 says he is committed but.....", "description": "my fianc\u00e9 and i have had some very bad fights and turmoil. we have been together 3 years.   i have felt he has been non committal to a date.  and it's been bothering me. i went to a therapist. he won't go.   she encourages me to record phone call fights so she can hear some of what i go through. he often says things like he is scared of my constant request for a date because it makes him think i'm after money.   he has virtually none. it's ridiculous. and i have a great job.   i asked him today if he was committed forever with me....he says yes... but. and said there is a but... he wants to see more stability with me and a smile more on my face ...  so i told him my therapist mentioned that he should not be scared just over setting a date. since we live together.   he blew up and said boy if i could have 30 min with her she would hear a whole different side of me and she would not say that.   he said you just don't realize it's a miracle we are still together and have sex and travel ok.    he said you just don't like truth. you like to live in a non reality world.   then he said btw my parents have noticed you don't look happy. and they worry that there is something going on with you. he says you can't fake it well at all. your number is called.   he told me this while walking in a mall. and he eventually got upset because he saw i was tearing up.   he said see this is the issue. not able to communicate with you. you don't like reality. and you don't want to hear what people think.  do you?  soooo. am i just sensitive?  should i respect this?  i feel very sad. and i can't look happy as he asks.     ", "answer": "hard to imagine why you would want to marry someone like this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70inmf", "comment_id": "70inmf"}, {"question": "how the internet changes your brain", "description": "**this is not my original post, it was written by** ***nikhin*** **on 28th august 2018, on nosurf.org which has been deleted in last 2-3 month period. i have pulled all this from the web.archive.org (the wayback machine). i am posting this because i was looking for these resources and i couldn't find them in this sub.** **all the below experiences are his, not mine. hope it helps you.**  # how the internet changes your brain  when i was younger, i could sit and read for hours. i still remember getting *harry potter and the order of the phoenix* and reading the 800 or so pages in one sitting.  fast forward a few years to my freshman year of college and this ability was completely gone. i remember struggling to get through just 30 pages of reading that i had to do for my sociology class. my mind would be swimming by the time i got to the end of a page and after finishing a paragraph, it seemed like i had already forgotten what i had just read.  what was happening?  at first i thought that the college material i was trying to get through was just a lot harder than what i read as a kid. but that wasn\u2019t it. that winter break i picked up the same tattered copy of *harry potter* i had read so many years ago.  i could barely read it for half an hour without my brain feeling like it hit a wall.  it wasn\u2019t just my ability to read either. other things had changed too. as a kid i was a great student. i was always reading books and learning new things. i had a fascination for the world around me and i loved to build things with my hands.  as i had gotten older i had slowly started spending more time on the internet and my old interests started to fade. it started with aol instant messenger. then playing video games with my friends. finally to the point where i was just surfing facebook and random websites in college.  i never made any connections with my internet use and the other changes i had experienced. until one day it finally clicked. my best friend from college gave me a copy of *the shallows* by nicholas carr. with each page i turned came the dawning realization. the world around me was still the same. it was *my brain* that had changed\u2026  i knew that it wasn\u2019t just me either, i saw the effects in everyone else around me. i would go around giving my copy of *the shallows* to everyone i knew. then i realized the irony of the situation. for my friends to know why they couldn\u2019t read books anymore\u2026they had to read a book, which they didn\u2019t have the attention span to actually do.  i decided that i would type up a short summary of what i learned so that people could understand the basics. then once they had learned enough to reset their attention spans, they could read the books on their own time. so enough chit chat. let\u2019s dive in.  # part 1: neuroplasticity  scientists used to think that our brains were fixed and unchangeable. they thought that brain development was like pouring concrete into a mold. once it solidified, it was set like that for the rest of your life.  now we know that the brain can change. this concept is called *neuroplasticity*.  >*neuroplasticity:the capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction.*  *via the encylopedia brittanica*  for nosurf, we can simplify and adapt neuroplasticity into:  *our brains will physically change and adapt to the habits we perform every single day. as a result our cognitive abilities, personality traits, and emotional states can all change depending on our habits.*  this concept of neuroplasticity should be exciting to you. it means that if you\u2019re currently someone who can\u2019t focus, procrastinates, or doesn\u2019t feel that smart in general, it doesn\u2019t mean that your stuck this way forever. your brain can improve and get better!  but before it can do that, you have to cut out the bad habits that are causing these issues. the bad habits like social media, gaming, news, and pornography.  if you\u2019ve been doing those things for a while, you might\u2019ve the following changes:  1. a reduced ability to focus and pay attention to things 2. increased boredom or procrastination leading to mindless surfing 3. a reduced ability to feel motivated and excited for non internet based activities  these changes are simply the result of repeated interactions with the internet.  # so how does the internet change our brains?  >*the net delivers precisely the kind of sensory and cognitive stimuli \u2013 repetitive, intensive, \u201cinteractive, addictive \u2013 that have been shown to result in strong and rapid alterations in brain circuits and functions. \u2013 nicholas carr, the shallows*   >   >*we can assume that the neural circuits devoted to scanning, skimming and multitasking are expanding and strengthening, while those used for reading and thinking deeply, with sustained concentration, are weakening or eroding. \u2013 nicholas carr, the shallows*  when we browse social media or similar sites we get continuously bombarded with memes, clickbait, and gaudy advertising. our brains become molded to information that arrives in 140 character tweets, 10 second snap stories, and instagram posts.  we start to form neural pathways that allow us to multitask, jump quickly from one piece of information to the next, and skim through lots of material without really retaining any of it.  these adaptations come at a cost. while these new pathways for internet use develop and strengthen, old ones start to fade. we become scatterbrained, frenzied, and continuously distracted. the parts of our mind responsible for deep focus and sustained attention atrophy and weaken.  key takeaway:  our minds melt and we turn into screen zombies starved for dopamine.  # part 2: dopamine  dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel motivated to do things. dopamine is what gets us off the couch to study for our final exams. it\u2019s also what makes us pull out our phones to check instagram.  dopamine is the driver behind the pursuit of *all* rewards. these rewards can be positive ones:  * pursuing our college degree * training for a marathon * asking someone out on a date  but they can also be negative ones:  * eating junk food * surfing social media * playing hours of video games  for most of history the things that released dopamine were *physical and tangible*. with the internet, we\u2019ve found that just pixels on a screen are enough to light up our hunter gatherer brains and deliver hit after hit of dopamine.  because our philosophy on internet use is pragmatic, our suggestions are to focus on avoiding the most serious offenders first. the platforms on the internet that cause the most dopamine release are below. you can think of these as the mental equivalent of eating kfc, mcdonalds, and taco bell everyday.  social media platforms like:  * snapchat * twitter * instagram * facebook  video games (some games are much worse than others):  * world of warcraft * hearthstone * league of legends * overwatch  others:  * youtube * clickbait sites * pornography * gifs/memes sites  ## dopamine desensitization and stimulation threshold  note: *this is a theory i formulated from reading a few books in this area, most notably irresistible by adam alter.*  eating processed food everyday leads to obesity. what would happen if you consumed social media, video games, porn and other crap everyday? is there a mental equivalent of obesity? yes it leads to something called *dopamine desensitization*.  when our brains feel the effects of dopamine over and over again, they become desensitized to its effects. this means that overtime we will need more and more dopamine to get the same effects (motivation, excitement, passion, drive) as we once did. this makes it harder and harder for us to pursue the more difficult and positive rewards of life rather than the default to what\u2019s easiest and makes us feel good in the short term.  this is because when we become desensitized to dopamine our *stimulation threshold* for performing activities increases higher and higher.  >*stimulation threshold:how stimulating (in terms of dopamine release) an activity has to be for you to find it enjoyable.*  if your stimulation threshold is high, it means that other activities in your life will start to pale in comparison to the internet. these activities don\u2019t release as much dopamine and can\u2019t compete in terms of stimulation. so no matter how hard you try you\u2019ll feel a lack of interest, procrastination, or low motivation to start things.  the way to make real life exciting and interesting again, is to reduce the constant flood of dopamine to your brain. once this happens, your brain starts to rewire, literally growing new dopamine receptors. overtime your stimulation threshold will reset back down to healthy and normal levels. afterwards you will be able to read a book for hours, sit silently in meditation, and feel motivated for your academic and professional work again.  # conclusion  i wrote this post so that i could share some of what i learned with members of our community. the point isn\u2019t to fear monger or suggest that we become luddites. it\u2019s to raise awareness of a widespread issue in society and empower people to make their own decisions of what to do. i do hope that reading it has inspired you to change, to some degree, the way that you use the internet. if the material interests you, i highly suggest going further and reading nicholas carr\u2019s book. i hope that it will change your life, the way it has changed mine.", "answer": "thank you! this is amazing. does anyone have all the info from [nosurf.org](WEBLINK) compiled? and/or is all of it able to be found on the sub?", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "dlknc1", "comment_id": "dlknc1"}, {"question": "i'm losing myself", "description": "i've really been struggling with my bpd lately. i just feel like i'm losing myself, forgetting who i am. i'm grouchy all the time because i can't express my feelings. i'm distant because i'm scared of rejection. i hate who i'm becoming but i can't stop it. the only one who knows about my bpd is my husband and he doesn't understand it. i can't afford therapy or to see a doctor. i'm scared. i'm alone. and i hate myself.", "answer": "there are some.lovely videos for bpd and perspectives on youtube that your partner might find helpful to understand", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "2k14by", "comment_id": "2k14by"}, {"question": "acquired alcohol intolerance?", "description": "i am 21 and i have been drinking since i was 17. i usually drink a couple of beers once a week or get slightly drunk at parties (once every one or two months). never had any problems until two weeks ago. i only drank a glass of rum+cola and, although i was feeling perfectly fine, when i came back home like 3-4 hours later i had to vomit (it was rather violent and very unpleasant). then again the same thing happened to me yesterday but i only had 40 cl of beer. i know the beer was of good quality because i drank straight from the bottle. i was also feeling perfectly normal, until maybe 4-5 hours later when i was already asleep and was awaken by the necessity to vomit (it was also violent and for half an hour it made me feel really sick).  what are your thoughts on this one? i will most probably go to the doctor but just wanted to know how common (or weird) this might be. thank you!", "answer": "not uncommon - admittedly i can't remember why it happens. your doctor will probably say you should simply avoid alcohol for a bit and let your body recover.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5310uo", "comment_id": "5310uo"}, {"question": "help. me [41] and wife [38] just decided to call it quits.", "description": "as per the title really. feeling blue, dejected and worthless. what's next?", "answer": "surround yourself with people that love you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5so8ic", "comment_id": "5so8ic"}, {"question": "interested in a friend, need help", "description": "my friend(f17) just broke up with her boyfriend(m17) i(m17) am interested in her. how should i make this clear, and how long should i wait to do so?", "answer": "just be direct about your feelings", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mb1qh", "comment_id": "5mb1qh"}, {"question": "suicidal & unemployed sibling refuses to get therapy", "description": "\\*\\*tl:dr provided at the bottom.\\*\\*  here's a bit of a backstory on my family ties and relationships. me(28f) and my sibling, z (23f) were both raised with very strained encouragement and praise. almost little to no encouragement, actually. strict chinese parents. we were not given the chance to try new things and were often chastised for small mistakes since young, be it recreational or academical. i personally have realised how that have deterred\u00a0both me and z from ever trying new things and worst still, improving on ourselves as a person. it destroyed us.        my mom(56f) and my other sibling, b(24f), has tried helping z.        b\u00a0took the time to look up on part-time jobs in the area that may be fun and not too stressful for her. b\u00a0found jobs at a pizza place, boba tea shop, and a graphic design printing store. z immediately refused all, and mentioned that she does not want a job that required talking to people or meeting people. (z used to do part-time drawing online for art buyers. she needed to talk to people but she had the choice to ignore or reply them whenever she wanted. she also didn\u2019t need to\u00a0see them face-to-face due to her working remotely. this can be a good and bad thing. because z started ghosting a lot of her clients and have not finished any work for them. me and b\u00a0managed to step in and help to pay back a client who\u2019s payment she has already received but never finished the art for. this one took a very long time for us to convince her, because she refused to accept help.)        me, mom and b, would worry about her\u00a0and what she'd do with her life if we're not there to support her financially and emotionally. my mom isn't getting any younger\u00a0and she\u2019s paying for almost all of z\u2019s expenses. if and when mom\u00a0kicks the bucket, b\u00a0may very well move out to marry her boyfriend one day, and i may move to another state because my work is dependent on it. we've asked z what she'd do then. z said she'd just commit suicide because it's easier on everybody. she didn't want to burden us with the job of taking care of her.     ​  i'm managing a little better than z, i still struggle with finishing personal projects. i can finish professional work (because i was raised to follow up with homework strictly). so you can see how i can finish work for someone else, but any project/hobbies of my own, it'll just wither away, because i have such a low view of myself and i don't have that encouragement to work on self-based projects. i have days where i can't get up because i am upset with myself too. i have depression from thoughts of being a failure. z has this same feeling 10 times over. how do i help her?     b, me and mom have always shielded her and protected her. we'd pay for her food when she couldn't. we'd treat her very often, because we love her and feel sorry for her.     ​  i understand that this is just reddit, so i am fully aware that asking for advice here is nothing compared to seeking a real therapist. but that's exactly why i am here. it's because z has already adamantly refused to see a therapist despite me, b\u00a0and our mother offering to pay for said therapy. what do i do with her? :(          **tl:dr : my sibling, z (23f) , is facing a crippling blend of hopelessness/quarterly-life crisis/ eternal burnout. she\u00a0doesn't have the will to work, have hobbies, or try new things. she is unemployed, not in education or training. she stays at home indefinitely. running the house, paying for food, taking care of the dogs, paying for house bills and dog food is burdening my family, and it\u2019s harder when z isn\u2019t chipping in financially. my mom pays for most of her food and everything else. if everyone one day has to go their own way in life and not live together as a family anymore, z decides that she'd commit suicide as she can't support herself financially. (not a threat as she is aware that everyone grows up and will have their own family) me, my other sibling, b(24f) and our mom have offered to pay for her therapy to help with\u00a0her\u00a0depression and everything\u00a0else, but z has refused. how do i help her?**", "answer": "the best way to get someone into therapy who doesn't want to get into therapy is getting into therapy yourself and openly talking about how it's really helping you.    a lot of people think therapy is just for crazy people and if you tell them you want them to go, they will immediately be defensive.  if you put therapy up there as something that's incredible and really helping you, it's very possible their instinct might be like \"hey!  you don't even need therapy as much as i do!  i want my own therapy!\"   lastly, if you and your siblings trying so hard to do everything for z and help her hasn't given you any results, i'd suggest maybe trying the opposite for a while.  back off, don't spend so much energy helping her.  focus more time on helping yourself.  just like with the therapist thing, z may see you doing more work to focus on yourself and copy this.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f1obng", "comment_id": "f1obng"}, {"question": "my gf is being distant after an argument.", "description": "so, i have a gf i have been seeing for about a year now. we fight occasionally but whenever that happens, it is usually over something small and get over it. however, whenever this happens she shuts down and me and stops texting, calling or seeing me. when i do see her it seems to be very short responses and she won't even look at me or talk to me about what the problem is. so in short, this happened again last week and i am going through the same thing, although this time she won't say a word. i am not sure what to do about this whole situation as it sucks to be ignored and not be able to communicate or talk things through. advice?", "answer": "she's immature and needs to improve her communication skills", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6av9nq", "comment_id": "6av9nq"}, {"question": "am i insane if i actually enjoyed being hospitalized for mental health issues?", "description": "most people who have been hospitalized for mental health issues talk as if it was the worst thing in the world and as if they never wanna go back there again. and to an extent, i can see why most people would think that. but to me personally...it wasn't even that bad. and it was actually the place where i felt most at home and that changed me for the better.  i've been depressed since i was 3 years old, and it began to get really bad in my middle school years when i was about 13 or so, and i tried to commit suicide several times when i was 17 and 18 (i'm still 18 now), till one day my therapist baker acted me (florida) for about a month, because i told her really in-depth stories of my suicide attempts.  and while i was hospitalized...i'm not gonna say it was necessarily the best thing in the world, because it was very monotonous. basically, you had three meals throughout the day, three snacks between the meals, two hygiene times a day, two times a day where you took meds, two times a day where they let you out on the patio, and the tv was on except for during the meals and snacks, and when they made you go to bed at 10pm.  but it was the first time in my life where people actually took me and my problems seriously, and where i found people i could relate to. most of the people in there weren't even that crazy. they were mostly like me. relatively normal people for the most part, but with emotional problems, trauma, or tragic pasts. then you had some bipolar and schizophrenic people...who though were a bit strange to the eye at first, some of them were pretty cool once you looked past their disorder. and then you had people who...couldn't talk and only babble, and would shit themselves and smear shit on the walls. but those were the minority of people there. and they were punished any time they were mischievous with the shit and stuff.  and during my time there...i learned to appreciate the more simple things in life. all this time being materialistic and being obsessed with technology and shit made me forget the joys of the simplicity of eating a meal. i learned to truly enjoy the flavors of even simple food. i learned how important human relations and interactions are. i learned how important it is to widen your horizons. i learned to not be so quick to judge people. i learned the joys of getting good sleep.  however, almost everyone else who has been hospitalized has only negative things to say about it...so if everyone else sees something as so bad, and only i see it as good, am i sane at all?", "answer": "if it was helpful for you, why wouldn't you enjoy it and think well of it? for the record, i asked a friend who was psychiatrically hospitalized who said that, while it wasn't a fun experience and she wouldn't want to repeat it, it was a good experience for her. there's a purpose for these things, after all.  like anything you read, consider who is likely to be the loudest voice. people who are angry about their experiences may be the most likely to voice their feelings publicly. many people instead would just rather not talk about it, particularly if they're worried about the stigma of mental health.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "enbff3", "comment_id": "enbff3"}, {"question": "would 50 year old antibiotics still be effective?", "description": "this is for a piece of writing, not actually considering taking 50 year old medication. i just need to know if this would be feasible for a character in a story with no better option.", "answer": "drugs do have expiry dates. even if they were kept in pristine condition, it is likely that they would be minimally effective, to the best of my knowledge.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "57kvea", "comment_id": "57kvea"}, {"question": "how will the legalization of cannabis effect phychiatry", "description": "i think there will be a lot of lost profits for the drug companies", "answer": "im a therapist. for those of us who realize its not a problem. nothing. for those who take insurance and need to make a diagnosis to get paid...welcome to cannabis use disorder...thats why i dont take insurance. for big pharma look out for new drugs to treat the \"disorder\" or older drugs being repurposed for it.", "topic": "antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7krgpa", "comment_id": "7krgpa"}, {"question": "trying to explain your depression to someone who doesn't understand is one of the hardest, most painful things to deal with.", "description": "when you say you don't think i try to deal with my depression by trying to lighten the mood only makes me feel more worthless. if i wasn't trying, i would have been dead long ago.   i know you believe in tough love through learning hard life lessons, but i would appreciate some sympathy every once in a while.  please. i really do love you. ", "answer": "as painful as it is, it is preferable to isolation and extinction.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "5ubv9f", "comment_id": "5ubv9f"}, {"question": "pretty psychotic but self aware... but also still believe my delusion.", "description": "i\u2019m coping alright sans meds. i have a strong support system. i\u2019m alright. it\u2019s just really crazy how i hear my thoughts and realize how fucking out there they are to be real, yet at the same time i still strongly believe this delusion i\u2019ve created in my head. ", "answer": "just watch your thoughts as they pass by.  put the transmission in neutral.  let the engine rev.  it's a movie you can't escape, but you can realize you are watching a movie.   edit:  there are more than one modes of consciousness.  one is intellectual and uses language.  another is all about feeling and sensation.  these operate in parallel but it is a mistake to  think of them as essentially synchronized.  the rational part of you understands the crazy.  the emotional part of you doesn't.  it's ok.  just try to help the emotional part feel safe.  ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "7rek93", "comment_id": "7rek93"}, {"question": "can someone please explain how a psychiatrist who specifically prescribes a drug receives financial kickbacks?", "description": "does the psychiatrist who initially prescribed someone the drug initially receive revenue if any? does the revenue get split up or changed if you switch doctors?  this question was inspired by [this](WEBLINK) post about mental health workers lying to patients by trying to obfuscate the effects of dirty drugs which have permanent side effects.   the question is why would a psychiatrist go as far as obfuscate and lie about the effects of a dirty drug if they weren't getting some form of revenue?    thank you for any answers.", "answer": "doctors don't make money based on what they prescribe. most respective physicians have taken vows or work in medical centers that prohibit them from accepting money from them.  ​  if your doctor is getting pharma money----you might want to re-evalute who you are seeing.", "topic": "antipsychiatry", "post_id": "bm0pwf", "comment_id": "bm0pwf"}, {"question": "how to deal with a parent that gets angry about anxiety?", "description": "my father is a pretty angry dude. short tempered, and when he does get angry, he is engraged. i'm talking screaming, insults, etc. yesterday was a really bad day for my anxiety. we were set to go somewhere in about an hour and i started crying as a result of a panic attack. i truly was terrified in the moment. he came in, told me to \"shut the f* up, grow up, and get over it\" and told me that \"it's always the same shit and it's ridiculous\". i'm 18 so this obviously stings coming from my dad. aside from having pretty severe anxiety, i otherwise do what i'm told, don't break any rules, don't drink/smoke, etc. when we arrived at said event (something i was dreading) i tried doing something i had to do but was afraid of once, succeeded, and then was told i had to do it again because it didn't develop correctly. full blown panic, and i couldn't do it. my dad came storming into the room (with 5 people/doctors/assistants) and told me that if i didn't do it he was done with me. he snatched my phone out of my hand (with which i was using music to calm myself) in front of everybody. i was embarrassed enough already.  i couldn't do it so we left and in the elevator he told me not to talk to him anymore, and that he was stripping me of all of my privileges and was no longer going to take me to my college orientation weekend next week. instead of fighting him back i just listened, and in the car on the way home i gave him a sincere apology twice to which the first he said \"shut up and stop talking\" and to the second no response. i just went to my room and didn't talk to him for the rest of the day.   he snapped at me again this morning, telling me once again to shut up and it's always the same shit.   his reaction to my anxiety makes me even more anxious as i then worry about getting noticeably anxious and getting him angry. when i tell my mom she just sides with him and tells me \"everyone's entitled to react how they want and i'm responsible for whether or not i let it affect me\". my mom and dad both came from abusive fathers and my mom always reminds me \"well we used to get beat so at least he's not beating you\". as if that justifies anything. oh.   i normally have a very good relationship with my dad when he's not angry with me, he does a lot for me but i just can't take this temper anymore. it makes me feel like absolute shit and like i'm a fuck up or that something's wrong with me and my parents don't want me around.   any advice?", "answer": "first off, nothing is wrong with you. you are not a fuck-up. i am so sorry that your parents have treated you so callously and aren't giving you the support and understanding you need and deserve.   i am not much older than you (22), but in my perspective, you should not have to stand for those hurtful comments from your parents (your dad in particular). while it was very gracious of you to reach out to your dad with an apology and try to make amends when it certainly should have been him, i encourage you to stop apologizing for having anxiety. the next time something like this happens and you get an angry response from him, tell him \"i am struggling with anxiety right now and this is how i need to cope with it. if you aren't going to say something supportive, i ask you leave me alone until it passes.\" (or something to that effect). if he doesn't respect that, when the panic attack subsides, you are going to need to have a chat with him - and potentially also with your mom - to let him know he cannot continue to speak to you like that and belittle you. you have always been deserving of respect, but now, as an adult, you've got the maturity to demand it. let him know that continued hurtful comments will result in you needing to change your relationship boundaries with him so he is less involved in your life. when you are wrestling with a beast like anxiety (i have been for most of my life), you need the people closest to you to be supportive and patient.  i'm not sure how much sense that made, but i hope it may be of some help to you! i'm here cheering you on!", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "6huc47", "comment_id": "6huc47"}, {"question": "anyone else think their bpd is a consequence of emotional neglect during childhood/adolescence from parents", "description": "my psychologist told me \u201cbpd tends to occur when someone\u2019s needs wherent met during childhood\u201d and i\u2019ve been thinking about it a lot  when i was a child and adolescent my parents rly invalidated my feelings bc \u201ci was so lucky and i should be grateful\u201d even tho i was going thru heavy emotional shit bc of bpd and my bipolar 2 i\u2019m rly conflicted abt my parents now bc i love them but that shit was so damaging and just made me feel intensely guilty ", "answer": "it's cptsd then. try pete walker's book", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "9r6uwm", "comment_id": "9r6uwm"}, {"question": "watermelon on a clear liquid diet?", "description": "\\- 31  \\- 5'6 / 160  \\- female  \\- estrogens  \\- not smoker  \\- none  \\- none  \\- no photo.  when on a clear liquid diet, i know you aren't supposed to have thick things like milky products and bread.... however, i know having fruit\\-based items without pulp is okay.  watermelon i see as being somewhat different, since it practically breaks itself down and is mostly water anyways. would eating watermelon qualify as being pro\\-clear liquid or no?", "answer": "why are you on a clear liquid diet?  in general, the answer is no. the name is clear: you should have only liquids that are clear. watermelon is neither.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8mrh12", "comment_id": "8mrh12"}, {"question": "how i learned to (sort of) love small talk (or at least get better at it)", "description": "\u201csmall talk sucks. i only like deep conversations.\u201d  well yeah, everyone likes deep conversations. that\u2019s not special.  i don\u2019t see anyone who would trade one \u201cdrunken reminiscing at 2am at waffle house with a friend of ten years\u201d for twenty \u201chey how about this weather? *hot enough for ya?*\u201d while waiting for the damn elevator to come.  you don\u2019t have to love small talk (it\u2019s not my favorite) but listen;  **the better you are at small talk, the more you\u2019ll get to have the deep conversations that you crave.**  simple as that.  \\---  as previously mentioned, young-whippersnapper-me was an [arrogant, awkward d bag](WEBLINK) (what a winning combo!). at my first \u201cbig boy\u201d job out of school, i refused to even say \u201cgood morning\u201d to my coworkers because \u201csmall talk was a big bucket of bullshit. i\u2019m being paid to work not chat\u201d. every morning i\u2019d usually shrug a response or try to get to my desk through the side door to minimize human contact.  for some reason, i always felt alone most places i went.  hmm.  it wasn\u2019t until i was midway through my \u201cmeet-100-people-in-a-month\u201d experiment i called the hundo month that i finally got it:   the purpose of small talk is to open the door to starting a relationship.  yeah, i know this seems obvious to you naturals out there, but to me this was a **fucking huge life changing revelation**. even bigger then when i realized the importance of patting a steak dry before a sear (and that\u2019s a big revelation!)  small talk is dumb. weather is dumb, sports are dumb, tv, movies, and music are all dumb. news is dumb. dumb is dumb. everything is dumb\\* (according to my highly paid research assistants).  but that\u2019s not the point.  the value of small talk is in the *context,* not the *content.* insisting your small talk has to be brilliant and exciting like it always is in the movies\u2122 actually makes your small talk *worse* because you\u2019re in your head trying to be maximum-clever instead of in the moment reacting to the person in front of you.   the purpose of small talk is to      \\- convey your openness to and interest in someone new     \\- invite the other person to start talking in a low-risk way     \\- lay the groundwork for more conversation if things go well     \\- give a small sampling of who you are, and most of all,      \\- **reduce fear**.  interacting with other people is scary. downright *spooktacular* if you will.   **a large amount of improving social skills is about reducing uncertainty and fear in** ***others*****.**  small talk is a simple ritual to let people you interact with know \u201chey i acknowledge that you exist and i will probably not stab you (probably). or at least not soon.\u201d   that counts for a lot.  \\---  but back to \u201csmall talk sucks. i only like deep conversations\u201d? as we established earlier, everything is dumb and boring. (see above).  think of it this way, small talk is the foreplay to deep connection\u2019s **fuckin**\u2019.  the deep emotional conversations\u2122 that matter in our lives come from a place of both *openness* and *vulnerability*. talking about what really matters in your life to someone else means you might get rejected, made fun of, hurt, or have you waste time pouring your soul out to someone who doesn\u2019t \u201cget\u201d it.   **demanding a deep emotional conversation from the start of a relationship is the emotional equivalent of \u201cnice shoes, wanna fuck?\u201d and then calling everyone an asshole/bitch when they don\u2019t wanna fuck.**  \\---  but hey, i\u2019ll be real.   as much as getting better at small talk has *seriously* improved my quality of social life, sometimes i just can\u2019t fucking be assed to do it. whether i\u2019m busy, people\u2019d out, on 3 hours of sleep, or whatever, i\u2019m just not going to be bother. i love people, but as an introvert i still need to recharge my social batteries.  and that\u2019s fine!  it\u2019s ok to opt out *sometimes* when you\u2019re not feeling it, but opting out of small talk completely leaves you at a **massive** disadvantage for finding your new best friend and enjoying life. if you\u2019re trying to build a new social circle, it\u2019s worth pushing through when you\u2019re not in the mood because **that\u2019s how you start friendship.** plus, the more you practice the easier it\u2019ll get.   am i a grand-champion, double-master, ultra-guru whatever at making small talk?  **hell no.**  but i\u2019m better than i was last year. and the year before. and *definitely* better than 2010 (*hoo boy, that was the year of saying things that keep me awake at night from painfully awkward they were, damn.)*  all i know for sure is that **holy goat-balls, getting better at small talk makes your life easier, fun, and friendlier.**   plus, one completely unexpected side effect of improving my small talk is that i can handle way more socialization before needing to recharge my social batteries.  neat!  \\---  there\u2019s no need to beat yourself up if you\u2019re not perfect at small talk right out the gate. it might be natural for some people, but sure as hell wasn\u2019t for me. i had to fail a *whole* shit ton before i started figuring things out because i didn\u2019t really have any role models to learn from.  and that\u2019s fine!  building social skills is a process.  all that matters is that you\u2019re better than you were last year.  that\u2019s it.  the next time you\u2019ve got an opportunity for small talk that you\u2019d usually avoid, give it a full-hearted try. it might not be perfect, but the more practice you put in, the easier it\u2019ll be to build your social circle.", "answer": "the primatologist franz de waal said that chimps reduce aggression by engaging in mutual flea picking/grooming and bonobos reduce aggression by engaging in sex. he observed that humans reduce aggression through small talk. if you refuse to engage in small talk you are experienced as domineering and bordering on aggressive. engaging in small talk gradually allows people to feel closer and safer with one another. it\u2019s the key to popularity.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9tutjl", "comment_id": "9tutjl"}, {"question": "i need some advice.. or an opinion. i feel stupid even asking..", "description": "i've been dating a guy for 4 months. it was going extremely well, we spoke all day every day over text and saw slept over at least twice a week. last time i saw him, everything was great. holding hands, being affectionate in public. then 3 days later out of nowhere i get \"im not ready to be serious, i think we should stop seeing each other\" followed by the \"oh i think you're amazing but im just not ready\". obviously this sent me into a panic, was it me? was i not pretty enough for him? did i do or didnt do something?  anyway...fast forward a week of crying and feeling down, i woke up to a text from him \"dreamt about you, hope you're well\". what am i supposed to do with that? im beyond confused, is he just genuinely letting me know or could it be something more? i'm pretty clouded with judgement as all i want to do is be back with him and i am trying not to read too much into a text. any advice would be so helpful. btw i am a 24yr old f and he is 27 ", "answer": "i would take him at his word that he doesn't want to be serious. don't take it personally. it's not you. his dream text just means that he wouldn't mind fwb.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tjmu", "comment_id": "70tjmu"}, {"question": "am i overreacting?", "description": "my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year. im 20, he is 21. for the most part, we have a great relationship but there is one thing that always seems to bother me. he has a friend, a girl, who is always calling, texting, asking him to hang out, etc. she will even call at odd times like at 2am just to chat. he goes over to her place at night for hours at a time and will come back at 4am.   i understand that they are \"smoke buddies\" so i'm not too worried about him cheating. they also go other places together during the day, like shopping or running errands. i do trust him but i get soo jealous. i just don't like the idea of my boyfriend spending so much time with another girl. i get hurt when he ignores me to talk on the phone with her or bails on plans with me to go hang out with her.  we have talked about this a lot, but he always just gets upset and says i'm trying to control who he is friends with. am i? we have almost broken up over fighting about this before. i even turned it around and asked if he would be upset if i acted like this with a guy. he said he would be furious, but nothing changes.  am i overreacting or what? help!  **tl;dr** my boyfriend hangs out with another girl so much that i am bothered by it and jealous.", "answer": ">am i overreacting or what?  you're not overreacting.  in fact, you're not really reacting at all.  the root word in \"react\" is \"act.\"  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "jb0zm", "comment_id": "jb0zm"}, {"question": "what\u2019s up with people who are obsessed with nostalgia?", "description": "just got off the phone with my aunt who mentioned for the millionth time how things were \u201cback in the day\u201d.  why do ppl do this?", "answer": "people are generally seeking what they perceive to be a \"unique identity\".  the first step in doing this is separating yourself from your parents.  \"i am no longer my parent's kid, i'm my own person!\" kind of thing.     so.....every generation does weird things to try to separate from the previous generation.  weird fashions, weird music, weird slang, etc.  most people within the generation doing it love it, thinks it's all great for it's own sake, but deep down they really love it because it's theirs.     i was having this conversation with my wife the other day.... how our parents listening to classic rock always say things like \"now this is real music!  not that trash you kids listen to.\"  when they were young listening to the stones and led zeppelin their parents were saying \"we had benny goodman duke ellington, and dave brubeck!  that was some real music!, not this trash you kids are listening to today!\"  when my kids grow into teenagers and begin to listening to god knows what i'm sure i'll be saying something similar \"strike anywhere, comeback kid, rise against!  that was some real music!  we had passion... not like this crap today!\"     :-)   you feel young and like you have your whole life ahead of you when the popular style at the time is yours.  as soon as it's moved on from that, you're subconsciously faced with the fact that you're no longer young and getting closer to death.  it makes it easier to shit on the new stuff so you don't feel as bad about what you're going to miss..... that's this shrinks opinion anyway!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8jmxom", "comment_id": "8jmxom"}, {"question": "what happens when you tell your therapist that you're suicidal?", "description": "i started seeing a therapist not too long ago and in her opening speech telling me what it was all about she said that the sessions were all confidential, excluding if she had reason to believe that i wanted to harm myself. or something to that effect at least.", "answer": "as a therapist, i would ask you detailed questions about your thoughts (how often you thought about it, if you had a plan, how feasible of a plan, etc), what protective factors you have (what would keep you from killing yourself), and see if we could formulate a safety plan- which might include us talking to someone you live with who could keep an eye on you.   if we couldn't come up with a reasonable plan, i would talk to you about hospitalization to keep you safe. now, if you refused, and i felt you were an imminent risk to yourself, i would call 911.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1zb44j", "comment_id": "1zb44j"}, {"question": "aa vs. smart", "description": "i posted earlier and it seems i ruffled some feathers about favoring one program over another. (btw, as you can tell by my badge, i'm very early in my own sobriety and was simply making an observation about my experience so far)  anything that works for you, me, us to keep us sober is a good thing. but nothing is one size fits all when it comes to getting sober. so i apologize if my opinion offended anyone.   what matters on /r/stopdrinking is that we are own unique community! not aa, not smart.... we are /r/stopdrinking !!!  we needn't argue over the programs. simply informing each other about the different methods available is invaluable.   i hope we can all just support each other and not get too defensive or be reckless about bashing one program over the other.   peace and love.", "answer": "always helps to have a moderator taking shots at a program of recovery, but hey whatever works ya know.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1oqzua", "comment_id": "1oqzua"}, {"question": "my friend(15m) has been making me(14f) uncomfortable. how do i tell him to stop?", "description": "i'm not sure if this is the right sub but i kinda need help. my friend  has been acting really friendly lately. he's been hugging me more often, coming up behind me and poking my sides, and he tries to kiss my forehead sometimes. i don't have a problem with him hugging me more since i love hugs but i have a problem with everything else, especially him trying to kiss me. it's made me a bit uncomfortable but i haven't said anything because i'm not a very confrontational. but on valentines he randomly said \"i'm gonna turn you straight.\". i laughed a bit but he looked me in the eyes and said \"i'm being serious.\". i felt really uncomfortable and stayed silent. he then said \"why can't you be straight?\" and i told him that's something i can't change and then we ended up staying in awkward silence until it was time for class. as stupid as this situation is, it has left me feeling pretty uncomfortable and i know that i should probably let him know how i'm feeling. how do i let him know that he's making me uncomfortable without hurting his feelings?  edit 1: reading all the comments on this post has made me think more about this whole situation. like many of you have said, his \"turn you straight\" comment and touching are big red flags and they kinda scare me more now ngl.  i'll talk to him tomorrow (with a friend close by) about how he's acting and i'll see how it goes.  edit 2: i'd like to start off by saying thank you to everyone for giving me some good advice. i talked to my friend today about how uncomfortable he's been making me feel and he apologized for it. although i will admit, his apology didn't really seem all that genuine. but i'm willing to give him another chance to see if he changes (although i'll probably still be a bit cautious around him). if he doesn't change then i will immediately cut him off. i'd also like to say thank you to u/thatdonutcat for sticking close by just in case things went down hill!", "answer": "even if you were straight, what he\u2019s doing is not okay", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "f5h2i1", "comment_id": "f5h2i1"}, {"question": "is there a point in seeking therapy if you're not necessarily \"dysfunctional\"?", "description": "i've been waffling on the idea of seeking counseling for some time now. i've been dealt a lot of crap these last several years, all of which have had a greatly life-altering impact. i tried 3-4 months worth of sessions between a couple of counselors each during my college years, but it never really made a difference.   i'm conflicted, because i think i dealt with said crap as well as anyone could given the circumstances, but i'm haunted by them so often and fear constantly (perhaps obsessively) for my future due to their impact. my current situation has many difficult factors that are really holding me back from thriving, and i feel incredibly desolate. but again, i can still take care of myself and complete my work as necessary. i enjoy hobbies sometimes, although it can be hard to \"get going\" with them. i can go out with my spouse and feel happy (relatively). for what it's worth, my spouse thinks i should seek counseling. but i'm not convinced it will be worth the cost, especially as the things that hurt me most now aren't things that a therapist can fix. i feel like i would essentially just be paying someone to hear me vent.  so in sum - what is the breaking point for really \"needing\" therapy? would it be worth the long-term investment for me?   any input appreciated.", "answer": "imagine you a had a headache every day . you could work,  enjoy your hobbies,  and spend time with your partner (who really thinks you should get that headache checked out), but you can't shake the headache.  eventually,  even if your overall health is good and your life is good, it is going to get annoying and might keep you from being your best self. wouldn't it make sense to mention it to your doctor? there may be a really simple fix or strategy that can reduce the intensity and duration of those headaches.  it sounds like your mental health is similar.  you function just fine,  though you also used words/ phrases like \" life-altering impact.\" \" haunted\" \" fear constantly (perhaps obsessively) \" \" holding me back from thriving,\" \"incredibly desolate.\"  these words indicate real hurt that deserves to be addressed.    >the things that hurt me most now aren't things that a therapist can fix.   this is interesting to me,  and you didn't really explain why this is. therapists can't \"fix\" anything,  but therapy can address a large range of issues.   >so in sum - what is the breaking point for really \"needing\" therapy? would it be worth the long-term investment for me?   personally,  in my opinion,  being high functioning with some hurt and past trauma makes you an ideal candidate for therapy.  you probably already have a fantastic support system and great coping skills . that means you  might start ahead and make excellent progress very quickly.   it seems to me that the issue may be that your expectations of therapy may be narrow and you so are having difficulty piecing it together with your specific struggles.   good luck , you definitely deserve to feel better!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hh80wu", "comment_id": "hh80wu"}, {"question": "compassion and forgiveness", "description": "my therapist discussed compassion and forgiveness for the ones who hurt me.  i know i need to do that to rid myself of anger and move on but it annoys me to hear that.  i have endured a lot of trauma and i am very skeptical now if i am getting good trauma informed therapy.  i am so tired of looking for a therapist. i feel like i need support but the wrong support is probably worse than no support.  i don't know what proper validation looks like.  he says it is not my fault, he says that it was trauma, complex trauma actually- i was bullied, molested by two people throughout my life, scapegoated by my parents who have trauma of their own and eventually basically ran out of my hometown because of the toxicity. and tonight he says i could be compassionate and forgiving not for them but for myself. my dad sends me ridiculous mixed signals. he will text me that he loves me, is proud and misses me but when i am home visiting he virtually ignores me. my therapist suggested that he might feel guilty. okay sure but i feel guilty when i shouldn't because i make an effort to visit and get no quality time or any sign of real interest. he just avoids me. so now i hate going home.   one time i went home and they started screaming at me that i was crazy so i got my bags and left and walked to the local waffle house and had my friend pick me up.  this is what i fear when i go home. one wrong thing, eggshells and i am going to be ran out or shouted at or just made to feel like i am doing something wrong. but i should forgive them and feel compassion for them?  wtf. so confused.  he might know a lot about trauma but he just doesn't seem to have a very gentle approach. very rigid and rational.  i am torn between just ending our therapeutic alliance or telling him that i feel invalidated when he pushes for compassion towards my abusers.", "answer": "gonna go all therapist on you because that's what i am :-d   is it possible you're thinking of leaving him and focusing on this because you really want to leave your family (by which i mean cutting off contact to whatever degree you'd like, moving on).... but it's easier to leave him?   just because he's brought up the possibility of being compassionate and forgiving to others doesn't mean you have to be.  it's all about understanding your power of choice.  it's good to know that you have that option if you so choose, but that doesn't mean you have to choose it.     talk to your therapist about everything you're writing on here.  see if you can work something out in a healthy way.  if you can't and you feel like you've tried everything you can do, then yeah... maybe time to move on and find a better fit.   ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "aq1wl1", "comment_id": "aq1wl1"}, {"question": "is it possible for me to ask my therapist to modify their approach?", "description": "for context, i returned to seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. we've had 2 sessions, and both have felt extremely uncomfortable. i'm aware that the first sessions aren't particularly the best; in the past 4 years, i've had 2 other therapists. my last therapist was lovely--we parted ways because she moved and i didn't feel i needed more sessions--and i feel like i made a lot of progress with how conversational/interactive and affirming she was. my new therapist is much older and has a different background, and does a sort of sit in silence for a long time and mirror how i'm sitting in hopes that i'll say something. i'd love to ask for more structured sessions if possible, because without the feedback and interaction i feel like i haven't been able to really limit the distress from the initial question she asked and its leaking heavily into my life outside of therapy.      tldr: am i allowed to ask for a different approach in sessions? i'm hesitant to find another therapist as it took me almost three weeks to find someone with the same availability and insurance as me, and even then she was the only one i could find.", "answer": "absolutely 100% appropriate, and if she isn\u2019t able to receive your request without ego and at least attempt to accommodate, i would look elsewhere. during my initial session with new clients, i explicitly encourage feedback and make it clear that my job/goal is to provide support in ways that are most helpful to the client. it isn\u2019t at all about me or my preferences. therapists train in multiple treatment modalities because people have varying needs, preferences, learning styles etc.  it\u2019s also totally fine to terminate with her and find someone else if it feels like you aren\u2019t \u201cclicking\u201d and building some rapport after a few sessions. i know that i\u2019m not going to be the right fit for everyone, and i would much rather a client get their needs met elsewhere than stay with me because they\u2019re worried about hurting my feelings, while not making progress toward their goals. any therapist with basic ethical standards and skills should have a similar perspective.   good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4xc9e", "comment_id": "c4xc9e"}, {"question": "correlation to personality test results", "description": "i was wondering what you guys got in various personality tests like mbti, enneagram etc? i used to think my results were part of my personality but lately i realized that they correlated to bpd. wonder if that means my results might change following years of therapy and improvement, and what that says about my personality.  (side note: i don't know how many people believe in the personality aspect of horoscopes but it was also strange to note that some of my horoscope's traits correlated as well. i joked to my friend that i was destined to have bpd.)  **correlations**  * mbti: infp (used to be isfp) \u2014 idealistic, takes things personally, difficult to get to know, dreams of the perfect relationship, forms an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts.  * enneagram: 4w5 \u2014 lacks a clear and stable identity, willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience, feel they are missing something in themselves, base their identity largely on their feelings, attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting other.  * horoscope: cancer \u2014 moody, clingy, self-pitying, oversensitive, self-absorbed.  i'd really love to see you guys share your results too!   to end off, here's some advice for enneagram type 4s which i thought would resonate with you guys too: \"do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. remember this advice: \u201cfrom our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. the fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves\u201d (personality types, p. 172). always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.\"", "answer": "i got the exact same enneagram and mbti as you, it's funny because i took the official one and then i've taken it since and i can switch between infp or intp. it doesn't mean anything, tbh. it's just neat.   also my horoscope is gemini, which totally reflects the dual nature of bpd, but i think thats more related to my perception and the vagueness of horoscopes ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "3j62g7", "comment_id": "3j62g7"}, {"question": "no more sex", "description": "throw away account. my girlfriend and i have been dating for senior years of hs and college so far. we have had sex twice when we first started dating and now we have not since. whenever i mention it she says she isn't ready right now or whatever bs. she says sex is sort of painful for her and never wants to do it. she says she loves me and has met my family and always wants to hangout. but j feel like she takes advantage of me bc i won't break up with her over sex bc it's immature. it's very frustrating at this point and i'm not sure if she is just not attracted to me but loves me as her bf. i'm debating breaking up with her or just trying to tell her it has to happen or we will idk in am just confused and could use help. i love her and she beautiful i just don't understand why she never wants to have sex with me. ", "answer": "if sex is painful she should talk to her gyn.  if she has low libido she should see a therapist.   because if there's no sex, it's not sustainable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mnk43", "comment_id": "5mnk43"}, {"question": "can no longer climax during sex. [19/m] with [20/f] partner.", "description": "so this started a few days ago. i started seeing a new girl and the sex is absolutely amazing but i haven't finished any of the times we've slept together. this has never been a problem for me in the past and i'm genuinely worried/confused about what's going on. just looking for some insight into what i should do to get my ability to finish back.", "answer": "are you taking meds, or drinking, or pot? if not, you're getting so nervous that you're losing focus. people often are not at their sexual best in a new situation. focus on the relationship...getting to know each other.  sometimes fooling around without intercourse can relax everybody.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzvm8", "comment_id": "5pzvm8"}, {"question": "someone close to me has a severe form of ocd, but she doesn't want to go to the psychologist at any cost, how can i help her?", "description": "WEBLINK  this post i found is very similar to her situation.", "answer": "1. does she mean psychologist, specifically, or any type of psychotherapist? i know people who have had really bad experiences with some specific credential, but are more open to seeing someone with different, but still relevant credentials. e.g. \"i will not ever go see a psychologist because i hate psychologists... but i might be okay with seeing a social worker.\" (and then you could find a licensed clinical social worker with experience with ocd and just not emphasize that this person is a psychotherapist.) 2. i know this is going to be a really shitty answer, but if someone does not want treatment, you can't make them ready to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqgodb", "comment_id": "gqgodb"}, {"question": "[19/f] possibly cheated on", "description": "*just a warning, this is going to be lengthy*  so i have been in a relationship officially for 6 months. the guy that i am in a relationship with, was my first  . i currently am in college, and as you may or may not know, just like public school, colleges have vacations. i am technically an international student, so when i go on vacation i go to a different location. the guy i am with, is born and raised in the city in which i go to school.   so, i went away for thanksgiving vacation and his sister picked me up from the airport. we were talking about him and stuff, and she said something like, \"you know , we never thought that he would ever get over [insert ex girlfriend #1's name here]\" ex-girlfriend #1 is also his first girlfriend, so pretty much his first everything. so, that name is very familiar because up until recently, he always talked about her and it didn't click to me until his own sister said something about it. so, when his sister dropped me off, i thought about it for a longggg time. then, i figured out the name of his ex before me(ex girlfriend #2), and i messaged her. i simply asked her if he mentioned her a lot during their relationship. she said yes so strongly. so me and her conversed for bit, and i told her that i didn't believe that he was over ex-gf #1. i get the whole \"first love\" thing, i guess, but theres a difference between having a first love and missing your first love. he misses her and its obvious. he always compared us, #1 this, #1 that. because i'm not really a jealous , i didn't really care, until his sister brought it up, which is why i messaged ex-gf #2. now, him and ex-gf #2 are in the same army unit, im not insecure about ex-gf #2 being around him because she's engaged however, she can't keep her mouth shut. so immediately she messages him after our conversation. so the next day, he asks me if there was something bothering me. so, i said, obviously you and ex-gf#2 spoke, so ill just tell you that you talking about ex-gf #1 pisses me off a little. he told me that he has no feelings for her and he was sorry about talking about her so much. so i forgave him and whatever. so i asked him when was the last time he had spoke to ex-gf #1 . he told me that she was always hitting him up and things. so, the crazy in me came out just bit. so i messaged ex-gf #1, and was like hey, don't text or message him, you guys have no reason to talk. it took her hours to respond, but when she did, you are never going to guess the response i got. she was like \"thats fine, i won't message him, but will you tell him not to message me\". so i was confused and i asked her, when the last time he messaged her was. he had messaged her the saturday before i got home from vacation, mind you, i got home on sunday. when she responded to me, she responded with text screenshots from him, asking her if she could hang out with him and telling her how good she looks, etc etc, all things inappropriate for a guy who has a girlfriend to be saying. this girl was completely honest with me and told me that she has a boyfriend, didnt hang out with him and actually told me she blocked him on all social media.  heres my dilemma, i don't know what to do, most people tell me that i should leave him, because history repeats, but my mother told me that i should take under consideration that he didnt actually cheat, or at least i don't know and i will never know, so what do i do?  ", "answer": "ask the right questions until you feel you can trust", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj7uu", "comment_id": "5lj7uu"}, {"question": "depression and overdose?", "description": "i currently suffer from clinical depression. i am out of the country and am on vacation in seoul. i'm from canada and i don't have an insurance, so it's very expensive to get a hold of a doctor here. i take 20mg of prozac everyday, but a week ago, i went out of town for about 2 days and left my prozac in another town. so afterwords, i took prozac again and i think the medication reset. so i've been getting really poor sleep lately. i went to a pharmacy and explained my situation. they said taking sleep aids might help but it's certainly not powerful enough if you're suffering from depression. so knowing this, i overdosed and took the whole bottle. i woke up feeling extremely weak and drunk. it feels like i just took codeine after a surgery. what should i do now to take this weak and tired pain away?", "answer": "shit. if you have taken a significant overdose, you may have caused significant damage without knowing it. you must seek medical advice, urgently.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "4xcd3z", "comment_id": "4xcd3z"}, {"question": "do you develop a tolerance to a specific drug or a class?", "description": "an example would be that i've been taking 3mg of klonopin for 3 years (weaning off) and it has no noticeable effect on me anymore. have i developed a tolerance to all benzodiazepines or just klonopin (i'm switching to gabapentin so i'm not looking to bounce from benzo to benzo)? i've been taking norco for almost a year now. have i developed a tolerance to all opioids or just the norco? do tolerances go away with time? example being if i had to undergo an uncomfortable medical procedure two years from my last klonopin, will the benzodiazepine they give me have a reduced effect?   last question: do you develop tolerances to all medications? it's never been a concern with my antipsychotics or mood stabilizer.  this information is not important to the post, but i have to include it or this will be removed again.  age: 29, height: 6'2\", weight: 197lbs, have not smoked in 4 months, but did on and off for 13 years.", "answer": "tolerance is a big area of study. the quick version is that tolerance isn't one thing but multiple mechanisms. not all drugs produce tolerance, or at least not to a clinically meaningful extent. for those that do, there can be the phenomenon of cross-tolerance, where tolerance to one drug produces tolerance to another. as you note, that's more likely to occur within a drug class, but it's not necessarily completely equal, and it can affect drugs outside the class.  benzodiazepines do produce cross-tolerance, so if you're tolerant to klonopin you're likely to be significantly, but possibly not equally, tolerant to e.g. diazepam (valium). opioids similarly. yes, tolerance decreases with time, and that's actually something that often causes problems with opioid addiction, because what was a safe dose to a heavy user can become a lethal dose after even a fairly short time without using.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "bldfxu", "comment_id": "bldfxu"}, {"question": "how do i politely but clearly ask a psychologist to... \"cut the crap\" and get to actual treatment?", "description": "so, 4th time is the charm, eh? or so i hope... i have been to 3 psychologists in the last few years. all gave me the same \"just try to think about it differently\" level bullshit, that helped nothing. my depression and anxiety are now seriously ednagering my ability to finish university, not just on time, but at all.  how can i politely and respectfully tell a psychologist that \"look, either we get to psychotherapy and/or medication within a month or thanks and goodbye\"?   i know making a diagnosis takes time. i'm okay with that. what i'm not okay with is spending months and hundreds of dollars sothat i can go to a strangers place for an hour to tell them about my week, and then listen to them advise \"did you try just ignoring it?\" ", "answer": "1. if you are really seeing psychologists, you're not gonna get medications from him/her. that requires a doctor/psychiatrist. 2. figure out what you believe effective treatment looks like--and tell your provider *that*. often cbt (the most evidence-based treatment for anxiety/depression) consists of reality-testing, looking for alternative perspectives or thoughts, etc... which sounds like it might be the modality you've experienced. if that's not working for you, perhaps more in-depth (read: long term, sorry) psychodynamic is what you need.   hope this helps guide your thinking as you go forward with care providers. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7d5vst", "comment_id": "7d5vst"}, {"question": "should a therapist be alone with a 6 year old", "description": "is it normal for a therapist to be alone with a 6 year old?", "answer": "yes. often , a parent can be brought into the session at the beginning or end,  but therapy needs to be a safe place where the child does not have to worry about the reactions of adults . even excellent parents have reactions,  and kids pick up on that easily.   what , specifically,  are your concerns?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffxgtb", "comment_id": "ffxgtb"}, {"question": "why does every guy say the same thing to me? it makes me feel like i'm the problem.", "description": "i've had three relationships and two which i considered serious. with these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. one of these relationships ended two days ago and i'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. at first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"i really value your friendship.\" is there any chance of getting back together? he's actually a great guy but this depresses me.   tl;dr: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. i want to know if i can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "74vr6i"}, {"question": "therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "after dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school i decided for the first time to get counseling.  i went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. and i exploded. i started crying and i've been on the verge of crying ever since.  is this normal? i do believe that i am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. i almost dropped out of school because i couldn't give a speech- i would honestly rather die then do something like this. my panic attacks are so bad i cannot speak.   anyways i am rambling and pretty lost right now. i know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? i am such a mess now and i'm in a very difficult program at school. i can't deal with this. but not dealing with it isn't an option either.  does it get better? what do i do? my therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and cbt. she also mentioned that i seemed okay and that i'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. somehow i feel like i didn't get across how fucked up i feel. i guess **i** didn't even realize it.   i am so lost. it's been 5 years and i feel like i've made no progress. i feel so alone. i'm scared she will dismiss me before i'm truly rehabilitated. i'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. is it normal to feel so messed up? it was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and i'm just completely dismantled.  thanks for listening, i'm not really even sure what i'm asking. maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? continue? i do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "yes, absolutely. in sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. i suppose i should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the only type of response. this is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" it's very unfortunate, esp when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "2g1mdm"}, {"question": "i [27m] am unsure if my [23f]gf is emotionally abusive.", "description": "only reason i ask if shes emotionally abusive is because a [30m] friend says she is when i go to him for advice.   we are long distance, we see each other 2 weeks out of the month, me going to her. been dating a year. things are great, when we are together we are happy and very much in love. life is great but she has pretty bad anxiety and really doesn't do well with her own problems. i'm not very open, in her opinion, and i have a hard time helping her. she gets upset if i ask a question differently than how she would want it asked. when she is upset and i check up on her asking \"how are you feeling?\" she gets mad cause she hates when i ask it that way. i should ask it her way, \"feeling better?, still feeling the same?\" stuff like that. it all just seems so small and insignificant to be upset over. how can someone be upset with their so when they are actively trying to help.   her birthday was on a thursday, a day i wouldn't be with her. so on monday, a day i took off work to help her move i decided i'd buy her a cake, and flowers for her birthday and first day at her new job. she was happy everything was good, nice surprise. on her actual birthday i texted her \"happy birthday!!\" in the morning and didn't really talk to her till after work. she was upset i didn't make a bigger deal about her birthday. no social media post. no texts saying \"hows the birthday girl?\" \"hows your birthday going?\". i could have texted her but when she started her new job we really don't text till after we both get off work. if this all makes sense.   just a bunch of small things that are insignificant. i just feel like i have to talk on eggshells sometimes when shes anxious as well. never know when i'll word something wrong and annoy her. if she doesn't want to talk for a few hours cause shes upset, we don't talk. if i decide we shouldn't talk for a few hours to gather our thoughts she freaks out. \"you can just decide that huh?\" \"ill talk to you in a few days, goodbye.\" \"fuck off, i know you hate me saying that but fuck. off.\"  i'm pretty laid back and chill. i don't like confrontation but feel like i have to really step up and tell her she needs to chill and check her when she starts acting crazy. it's frustrating. i just want her to treat me with some respect, even when shes anxious or upset.   hope this makes sense, wrote it quickly during lunch. thanks.", "answer": "she is a very high maintenace gf. is  she in therapy?  yes, she is abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6p97i4", "comment_id": "6p97i4"}, {"question": "surviving an affair - help", "description": "i cheated on my bf of 7 years who i live with and own a business with.  after a 3 month break up and him booking up with other girls and doing his thing, we started a trial period. a trial for him to see if i was someone he could be with. of course there were rules.  1. share my location, tell him everywhere i was going, send him pictures  2. show him any conversions with guys, tell him who was going to be at events 3. not go out to bars, clubs, nightlife  4. complete transparency 5. no one can know 6. we\u2019d still live / sleep together   i agreed to it all. it\u2019s been about 10 months and i feel as if i\u2019m going to crumble. i\u2019m constantly paranoid of him cheating or talking to girls. i\u2019ve seen him message the girls he\u2019s hooked up with and it\u2019s driving me crazy because he won\u2019t tell me anything. i\u2019m completely in the dark andy insecurity is causing me major anxiety. he comes home super late and i can\u2019t sleep because i worry and i miss him.  what do i do? how do i hold it together? how do i stay strong to survive and repair this relationship?  he said by next year he would tell me if he wants to start dating again or not. ", "answer": "monitoring after cheating can help, but only for a short time. then you either trust them or you don't. you can't put a gps on them forever.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77dl4w", "comment_id": "77dl4w"}, {"question": "what can i do for a friend who doesn't want to stop?", "description": "my closest friend from college has been snorting heroin for the last 6 months or so. he is most certainly also depressed. he also believes himself too smart for most conventional depression treatments or declares the side effects unacceptable.  i, and just about everyone else he knew, discovered his addition when he moved back home from the midwest, his stash ran out, and withdrawal kicked in, so he had to check into a hospital to ride it out. immediately afterwards there was a rush of attention and caring from everyone around him. we thought that it was basically an accident; that he was using a small dose to self-medicate his depression, and that it got a little bit out of control, but that this incident would drive home the need to get serious about dealing with depression, the underlying problem.  unfortunately he was back on in a couple of weeks. he wasn't secretive about his use, and i, along with his one other close friend did our best to spend time with him without judging, but eventually it started to get uncomfortable. he isn't himself anymore, which was obvious to those who loved him, but he won't admit that there has been any change.   he clings to the idea that you can \"get better\" at doing heroin, or in other words, find ways to make it acceptable to those around you. what that has resulted in has been a lot of emotional manipulation, condescension, erratic behavior, culminating in him getting kicked out of his parents' house when he accused his mom of sexually harassing him and being a whore, the latter of which is just name calling, and the former of which is a really serious accusation that, while most likely not true, has the potential to tear a family apart.  tl;dr - my friend who i care about is addicted to heroin and is starting to get out of control but is extremely resistant to the idea of treatment. what can i do?", "answer": "as far as getting him sober, you can do nothing. acceptance of that will be one of the most beneficial moves you can make. for me i needed to be pummeled into the willingness to get help. people who cared about me and had their best intentions did nothing, but delay the inevitable and extend the suffering.   he has to find his own bottom. the best you can do is be available to him so when the time comes you can guide him to getting help.", "topic": "redditorsinrecovery", "post_id": "1yb6pv", "comment_id": "1yb6pv"}, {"question": "what can i be institutionalized/reported on for? (usa) (f/16)", "description": "overall, i\u2019m a fairly high-achieving and functional person who hides their mental illness. because of this, one of my greatest fears is being institutionalized/my mom finding out how bad things are. with my therapist, i\u2019m fairly open, but i\u2019ve been hiding these weird panic attacks i\u2019ve had lately. i\u2019m worried that my therapist will have to report them to my mom as a threat to myself/institutionalize me.  can anyone say if my fears are realistic or not? i\u2019m sorry if this is a weird question.  lately i\u2019ve been having some very strange panic attacks. symptoms include:   -hallucinations of people/lights/buildings   -feeling like my mind is being read by \u201cthem\u201d  -\u201cknowing\u201d that i\u2019m in a simulation   -being unable to be around technology, because it\u2019s \u201ctheir\u201d way of reading my mind  -whenever i touch something, i have a freak out because it somehow connects me to \u201cthem\u201d  they last anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours, usually when driving. they\u2019re insanely inconveniencing, but the problem is just if it would get me in trouble. does anyone know if my therapist could report me for these?", "answer": "in addition to danger to self or others, there are states that list \"grave disability\" due to mental illness as reason for involuntary commitment. it doesn't sound like you're gravely disabled. i'm not sure what \"reported\" would mean\u2014other than commitment, there isn't really anything anyone can do or anyone to report *to*.  however, like many people here have said, the symptoms you're reporting, although they come and go, sound more like periods of hallucinations and delusions than panic, which would make me concerned about psychosis. that's treatable, but the treatment is different.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8981ag", "comment_id": "8981ag"}, {"question": "mini rant/ needed a place to vent", "description": "this might get downvoted to hell or it might turn out other people agree, but i just needed to get it out of my system and this seemed like the best space to do so...  i resent, **greatly**, the amount of attention and acknowledgment autism gets. i remember there was just starting to be some real momentum growing in legitimizing adhd as a disorder right around the time i was diagnosed (over 2 decades ago at this point) and then all of a sudden everything was about autism. and as soon as we started hearing all about autism, all the public attention for adhd vanished aside from commentary about how people abuse adderoll and ritalin as study aids.  now there's a new muppet on sesame street with autism and i'm sitting here still thinking \"what about me?\"   what about the fact that i still have to feel shame and hide my disability while every single other mental disorder gets treated with more legitimacy than mine does? even the new kid (autism) gets more consideration! what about the fact that there are zero representations of adhd in the media that aren't a joke or a pill addict?  and i feel like a total heel for resenting it too, because all disabilities are deserving of consideration and respect and should be taken seriously. but i do. i feel like the forgotten middle child between the older siblings depression and anxiety, and this new precious snowflake youngest child autism. ", "answer": "you bring up a very important issue that adults with adhd face. i am currently in training to be a therapist and was shocked to find out that some people in my classes did not know that adhd was also a disorder with adults.  unfortunately, adhd is \"milder\" than autism so it is less noticeable to others. however, no one knows you like you know you. others cannot define what you are and how you should be. my personal goal is to be an advocate for adult adhd and raising awareness because it is definitely needed. ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "60i3wf", "comment_id": "60i3wf"}, {"question": "hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "this is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.  basically, i spent about a few weeks home from school when i was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). i had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light.  i put on a movie (pirates of the caribbean number three) and about half way through i had to stop. this was due to feeling very tired, and also because i found the tv too bright. also, the scene where jack sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; i'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. they have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal hell).  anyway, so i go to bed, and i vividly remember having a pirates of the caribbean themed nightmare. it went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and i couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason i had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if i didn't, i would fall or something imminently bad would come if i let go.  when i woke up, i couldn't breath properly, and i felt unbelievably afraid. i had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever i gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . enough. it's really the only way i can describe the feeling - i had to grip something because if i didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and i felt like crying. also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever i closed my eyes, i could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that i saw o the crabs. i remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - i remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. it felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if i didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears.   sometime later, i \"came to\" in a sense; i found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, i didn't really process or know where i was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) i realised that i couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in i literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it.   i managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that i couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. she told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. i waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. within twenty minutes, i felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, i told her it was fine now, and i've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.  could anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? the more i write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. tbh, i just wanted to get this off my chest.   tl;dr: i suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. i had this desperate urge that i need to hold on or grip something, and if i let go of any object, i would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. this felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when i \"came to\" i found i couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common.  nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is that high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "8wiazz"}, {"question": "i've never been in a relationship and i'm in my late 20s. going to a sex club is far less terrifying than going out for coffee, 1-on-1. how can i change this?", "description": "i haven't been in a relationship because i feel like i need to become a better person before i can commit. i've passed on partners because i've always felt that in the end, they're better off without me.  anonymous one night stands are far easier for me. it scares me more that a person would find me \"boring and uninteresting\" in the head than not being physically attracted to me.  i'm at a point in my life where i feel incredibly depressed, due to lack of progress in my education and mental state and i'm wondering if it's still possible for me to be in a relationship despite 'not loving myself' or feeling incomplete, because i feel like this is how i always will be.", "answer": "the question \"is life worth living\" is a religious question.  the answer a person gives, if detailed enough ,will disclose their core beliefs. people are free to choose what they believe and if you do not feel free to choose these core beliefs, you are not free. i suggest that you need to work yourself free from certain beliefs that you hold but in fact hold you. once you examine them in detail you will be free to discard them and adopt better, more beautiful and functional beliefs.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "39y6lg", "comment_id": "39y6lg"}, {"question": "my therapist, who was like my second mom, passed away three months ago.  i miss her so badly right now.", "description": "it doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts less frequently.  not a day goes by that i don't think about her.  she changed my life.  she helped me so much, and so her words of wisdom and encouragement are always with me.  whenever i'm stuck or falling into old traps, i think about what she would have told me.    i'm doing so much better; i really am.  but all of my progress is so bittersweet in that any time i stop to think about how well i'm doing or i find a reason to be proud of myself, all i want in the world is to share it with her, to make her proud and to hear her tell me how proud of me she is.  i want to be a living testament to the power of her healing.  i want to some day use my life experiences to help others and share what she has taught me.  at the memorial service, her husband told me, \"she always said her children were her legacy, and i like to think you all (her patients) fell into that category.  just remember, now you have to pay it forward.\"  i've never lost anyone close to me before.  ironically, losing a loved one was something i thought she'd be there to help me through, and she was the first person i loved to pass away.  and it hurts... so fucking bad.", "answer": "yup.  losing people sucks.  i like your idea about using what she taught you to help others.  you say you thought she'd be there to help you through losing a loved one, and in a way it sounds like she is, because you're using what she taught you to get through losing her.  it'll hurt bad for awhile, but it will get easier.  you won't \"get over\" it.  and you'll probably carry her with you for the rest of your life.  i lost my mom, to whom i was very close, when i was 21.  that was 29 years ago.  i still feel her with me, and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind in one way or another.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17dbej", "comment_id": "17dbej"}, {"question": "will a doctor prescribe viagra or something similar to me? are there any test involved?", "description": "i'm still fairly young, 22. i'm healthy.   what are the odds a doctor will be willing to prescribe me? do i need to be tested? ", "answer": "depends if you need it or not!  why do you think you need sildenafil?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "5lrgmt", "comment_id": "5lrgmt"}, {"question": "how should a therapist respond to your diagnosis questions ?", "description": "today i brought up the possibility of me being bipolar and only feeling good because i'm manic. i'm not displaying symptoms of classic mania but i'm just concerned that me no longer feeling suicidal and depressed is not because i'm getting better happier and healthier while sober but because i'm manic.   this concern stems becayse of a diagnosis - rather quickly after 5 mins - i got at 19.   i've had depressive episodes in my life but they usually were becayse of bad relationships or toxic jobs.   anyways how should a therapist approach a concern from a client about a certain illness or disorder ? she said she didn't think i had it.  would she be able to tell after 5 sessions if i was?  should she have asked more questions as to why i think that ?", "answer": "for many of us (therapists), we don't really put too much stock in diagnosis in general.  there have been many studies that show diagnosis overall is not very accurate and consistent between clinicians.  on top of that, diagnoses are not diseases in the way many people think.  generally, they're patterns of symptoms or behaviors that when lumped together, someone can apply a label to, but don't really speak to the person as an individual or what their specific experiences are.     if you and your therapist are someone who puts a lot of importance on diagnosis, i would say your therapist who has seen you for 5 sessions can give a much more accurate impression of what you would be diagnosed with than what you got after a 5 minute psych eval/intake?     from my own personal experience, it's pretty rare that folks who do internet dives and research certain diagnoses are correct in diagnosing themselves (this includes me when i thought i had bipolar while in college).  the diagnosis i was given when i went for treatment much more accurately described my experience than what i thought, though once again, not very important in the grand scheme of things as far as my learning to cope with and/or overcome my symptoms.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cqynhu", "comment_id": "cqynhu"}, {"question": "what happens if i go to the hospital?", "description": "i am getting desperate. i'm not sure what to do. i really want to get better but i don't know how. i'm thinking about going to the hospital and telling someone how suicidal i am, but i'm afraid. has anyone done this before? ", "answer": "do you have any outpatient providers (therapist and/or psychiatrist)?", "topic": "suicidewatch", "post_id": "5kmh16", "comment_id": "5kmh16"}, {"question": "can you get norovirus from coughing?", "description": "male, 35. non smoker, no health issues or medications taken.  my wonderful company in all of its wisdom decided to lower the walls of our cubicles and make us all sit looking at each other.  unfortunately the guy across from me loves coughing into the air. in the last 3 months, i've been sick 3 times. he threw up yesterday at work, came back this morning and has been coughing all morning in my face.  i've checked online but can't find a definitive answer, is it possible to get the stomach flu from someone coughing?", "answer": "norovirus can\u2019t be transmitted by coughing, but it can be become airborne from vomit.  if he\u2019s back at work today, though, it\u2019s probably not norovirus. maybe another gi but or even so much coughing that he vomited. there are certainly other airborne infections to tell him to at least cover his mouth and wash his hands for!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "b5r8cn", "comment_id": "b5r8cn"}, {"question": "wine is...", "description": "wine is...  to my delusional brain: -feeling \u201csexy\u201d and desirable  -very european and laid back -sinatra in the background as i cook  -a fragrant aroma on the lips  -deep conversations with girlfriends -giggling and telling jokes -a \u201cdeserved\u201d break from the day to day  -letting loose, \u201chaving a good time\u201d -being \u201csocial\u201d and \u201cfun\u201d -a harmless way for a gal to relax   in reality: -a pounding, relentless headache -bloodshot eyes and red, swollen cheeks -sallow, dry skin and stained, dry lips -embarrassing myself in public -fighting with my husband  -hanging on people, harassing them with my putrid, toxic breath  -bruises from origins unknown -accidentally breaking my property -careless, dangerous mistakes -forgotten, meaningless conversations -shallow/vague/indulgent confessions of love and appreciation to people who are in, actuality, mere acquaintances  -crying uncontrollably about things that happened 10+ years ago -sloppy dancing and slurred sing alongs (aka looking like a total mess and fool)  -saying god-awful things under the guise of \u201cbeing honest\u201d  -insane and chronic anxiety and sadness -regret and actual terror over what i possibly said and did  the list could go on and on and on...  i have a friend\u2019s wedding in september and actually thought about having \u201cjust\u201d a glass the other day. i wrote this to hold myself accountable. iwndwyt", "answer": "very well said and so true. the picture of drinking in our head doesn\u2019t usually match the reality at all! since my drinking became problematic, there was never one time when i woke up thinking..\u201di\u2019m really glad i drank last night.\u201d it\u2019s more like you said; what the hell do i do or say. are people pissed at me for something or did i manage to skate through without ruining a friendship or starting a fight? or did i say something inappropriate or mean that has no resemblance at all to my true feelings or beliefs, either in the name of humor or to lash out for who knows why. for me, there is also almost always more drinking the next day to put all the things i just mentioned out of my head. what a miserable way to live!! glad to be sober and hopefully have all of that behind me. iwndwyt!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cd2x55", "comment_id": "cd2x55"}, {"question": "aa friendships", "description": "there was a post on here earlier looking for sober friends that got deleted. i wondered for a while why people stopped talking to people who left the room or why they were so distant the first couple months i was in the room. the longer i stick around the fellowship the more i realize that this is in fact a life or death situation, and a lot of people come in and out of the rooms so often that it can be scary to get attached to someone and then find out they're back out or have died of this disease.   in my experience, it took me some time to really form meaningful friendships in aa. they were my friends from the very beginning, but to me having a friend and having friendships is vastly different. they wanted to make sure that i was not only serious about my sobriety, but that i also respected the fellowship that saved their lives. aa is absolutely not a social club, it is a program of recovery where alcoholics help each other get better. one of the gifts of sobriety, however, is that i get some really amazing friends who understand where i'm at before i do most of the time.", "answer": "thanks for sharing. i've been active in aa for 2 years after getting sober in another fellowship, and working through the traditions checklist with my sponsor i've realized that i still often don't feel like part of the crowd, even though i identify, gave a home group, and regularly visit with people before and after the meeting. i see others who *seem* to click with the crowd quickly, especially the ypaa crowd, and it can make me feel like i'm back in high school, except i can't find the other nerds this time around... and then i can start to feel isolated and resentful. but you're right, it's not a social club, and the most important thing is if i'm hearing the message. sometimes it just takes time to find and develop friendships.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "57zxkj", "comment_id": "57zxkj"}, {"question": "me [28/m] and my wife (27/f) might be getting a divorce after 7 years and i don't want to", "description": "hi reddit, thanks in advance for reading. i live with my wife and 3 other roommates. about a month ago she admitted to me that she had been \"cuddling and kissing\" one of my other male roommates. this was extremely hurtful to me but i told her that i still wanted be married and to make our relationship work. since then we have talked more about our feelings and my wife is thinking that what happened between my roommate and her was indicative of some problems in our relationship, which i don't disagree with. she has admitted to me that she has strong feelings for our roommate and that her feelings for me have not been the same. we both still love each other and i still find her to be the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. i am struggling with what the next step should be. i am hoping that with time we can rekindle what we had but sometimes it seems like she is not interested in trying. i feel like i should take her unwillingness to work on what remains of our marriage as a sign i should move on. yet a divorce is the last thing i want to do. i need help. tldr: my wife and i are approaching divorce and i want to stay married, what should i do?", "answer": "suggest marriage counseling before a final decision is made.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbsl8", "comment_id": "6pbsl8"}, {"question": "maximum hr?", "description": "i'm 58, 6', currently at 174 lbs. i work out regularly (6 or 7 days a week) doing mostly beachbody videos...so it's a lot of cardio and core work. i have a hr monitor i use during my workouts and wear a fitbit during the day. the top hr i've experienced while working out is 186 bpm. my lowest resting hr (early in the morning) is at 57 bpm.  i don't have any particular malady, but i do have a question that i think a doctor could answer better than some random person on the fitness sub.  my question is about my \"maximum\" hr. i have used all of the usual scales on the internet about hr max, and at 58 years old, it should be somewhere in the 150s. but now i'm reading that your hr max can be determined by your tolerance or perception of difficulty to that hr. for me (who has worked out off and on for the last 25 years...so i'm in pretty good shape and used to sweating), 157 bpm is barely breaking a sweat.   but when i get going in my cardio workouts, i can easily hit 180 or 181 bpm, and while that is indeed hard work, it isn't painful or in any way undoable. i can stay in those low 180s for a few minutes with no problems. i have hit 187 before, but that's when i started to notice maybe it was too high. still no \"pain\" or whatever, but i knew i was working really hard.  so the question is, from a doctor's point of view, what is truly one's hr max and how can you safely determine it? is it how you feel or your perception of the work? or is it an objective number that, if you go over it, you're going to die?  i've also noticed, apropos of nothing, that a high hr does not necessarily equate to being out of breath. i can be out of breath at 160 or so, especially early on in a work out, but sometimes at 180 i will take a \"cleansing breath\" and be breathing fine, but i'm in the mid 170s at the time. so a secondary question is how hr correlates to breathing.  i know this may not make it through the mods because i have no malady to speak of, but i figured a doctor would know this stuff with much less goofy exercise science than other sources.  i have my yearly checkup with my doctor next month and i'm going to ask him the same question, fwiw.  thanks.", "answer": " the american college of sports medicine has apparently updated the calculation to 206.9 - 0.67\\*age, which would put your max at 168. not too far off, especially given that this is a very rough rule of thumb.   the maximum heart rate calculations are probably most useful for things like cardiac stress tests, where for it to give information the heart has to be working hard. mhr isn't a number past which you are in serious trouble, it's the number past which your heart just will not go. if you can beat your calculated value then you're just on the high end of the bell curve.  unless you have cardiac disease and demand ischemia (your heart can't provide itself with enough blood to meet demand if it goes fast), exercising hard isn't risky, it's healthy. you'd know that because of the chest pain when you hit that limit.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8siq08", "comment_id": "8siq08"}, {"question": "sadness when leaving a therapist", "description": "so i was in a very serious accident which ended up with me getting surgery on both legs and having to be in physical rehab for two months. i don't have any close friends that i can talk over stuff with and i ended up working with an occupational therapist who joked around with me and helped me by listening. that was four months ago and now i'm back in my apartment and walking with a walker and a cane. my problem is that i can't seem to stop grieving over not seeing the therapist anymore. i feel like a little kid who's best friend has moved away. i'm sad all the time. how do i get over this?", "answer": "have you considered seeking out another therapist -- in this case, a mental health therapist who could help you talk through some of your feelings?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4y2z6d", "comment_id": "4y2z6d"}, {"question": "beta blockers with xanax/perazin", "description": "so my mom [49f] 161cm, 50kg, no smoking, takes beta blockers daily due to her heart problems (after her second heart surgery in 2013 on a valve) but lately she's been feeling extremely anxious due to some private problems and we've been wondering if it'd be ok for her taking xanax (0.25mg) or perazin (25mg). she asked me to look on the internet for some info but i couldn't find anything particular, so that's why i'm asking you guys", "answer": "this is something that needs to be discussed with a doctor, both because someone has to prescribe if the answer is yes and because someone who\u2019s prescribing needs full medical details.  broadly, my answer is that perazin is probably not a good first choice and xanax is not a good choice for most anxiety.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "edoy3s", "comment_id": "edoy3s"}, {"question": "risk of getting salmonella from a very small amount of raw chicken?", "description": "i just ate a very small bit of raw chicken about 30 mins ago. it was from a small packet of chicken feet from china, so the size was only about as large as the meat from one of its tiny fingers. we didnt know it had to be boiled.   what are the chances of getting salmonella?", "answer": "no idea, but if you're fine after a couple of days then you've probably got away with it.  [salmonella poisoning](WEBLINK)", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "6f2jea", "comment_id": "6f2jea"}, {"question": "brother stole my happiness", "description": "hi all, i am a 27 year old male who has struggled with depression his whole life. if it's okay, i would just like to share my whole story   when i was five years old, my dad told me about sex (not exactly sure why...he was on drugs at the time. this got me curious and i decided to look up naked women online. two or three years later, my brother (two years older than me) found about my porn interest and blackmailed me into doing things for him so he wouldn't tell my mom about it. it started off as small things like getting him a pepsi or cleaning his room, but it eventually turned sexual.   he made me kiss him, made me touch him, made me give him blowjobs, the worst things you can imagine. i could not realize that what he was making me do was way worse than me looking at porn. he always told me that my mom and dad would disown me if they found out i was looking at porn. this went on for 5 or 6 long years. when i knew we would be home alone, i was filled with incredible anxiety and dread. i would feel absolutely sick to my stomach. i would feel the same way when my mom would get on our computer out of fear that she would find the porn i had looked at.   eventually, it all stopped when one day my mom came home early and found us in the act. she was shocked and did not know what to do. i told her everything at that point. it was a huge relief, but in a way, i was afraid at what would happen to my brother. what was the huge punishment they gave him? nothing. my mom had to take my brother to a band event and she said they would talk on the way there and back. when they came back, my brother gave me a half hearted apology and that was the end of it. i was never offered any therapy and no one was told about it. my brother got to walk away from the whole thing free as a bird.   my brother would go on to be an extremely popular guy who everyone loved. i lived in his shadow. teachers, family, friends, neighbors all thought he was amazing, and they always felt like they needed to tell me about it. my mom also continued to idolize all of his accomplishments and treated him like the golden child. i became extremely close with my dad who my brother never had a good relationship with and fought with my mom constantly. it all seemed fine until my senior year of high school when i had a huge mental breakdown.  it was a combination of the stress of picking the right college and the end of my first real relationship. i felt like i wanted to kill myself and i was extremely angry and emotional. this led to therapy, for the first time in my life. my psychologist single handedly saved my life. we got to the root of my problems. i had repressed the real reasons i was angry and emotional. i hated my brother and i hated my mom. i realized that i felt like i had been cheated out of a normal life and happiness. to this day, i cannot trust people because when i needed my family, the people who i thought i could trust, they abandoned me so that we could keep up the appearance of a normal family. i am anxious and stressed all of the time when i am home because my childhood home was not a safe place. to this day, i hate being in that house.   now, at 27, i feel like i cannot form a good relationship. i cannot truly trust. i cannot connect with someone physically and emotionally because i can not equate physical love to emotional love. to me, they are two separate things. this has led to me cheating on many girlfriends. i am sad all of the time because of how anxious i get and the deep feeling of being cheated out of happiness in my life. the only good thing that has come out of it is that now i am a teacher and i can spot a kid with depression or anxiety a mile away. they call me the kid whisperer.  my brother is still the big popular guy. loads of friends, winning 5k's, living in florida. my mom takes every opportunity to go see him down there. he lives the popular lifestyle she always wanted. i have talked with him throughout our lives or what happened when we were kids, and he has apologized again and again about it. we are working on our relationship, but he will never truly know what he stole from me all those years ago.   no one truly knows every aspect of this story. some people know i was molested as a kid, a small handful know it was my brother, but no one knows  exactly how bad it has affected my life. i thought people here would understand.   support is appreciated. thanks all.", "answer": "i\u2019m so sorry this happened to you.  shame in your mom for not holding your brother accountable.  parents often react negatively to sexual abuse, believe me, i know, i work in the field.  perhaps a support group might be helpful for you.  also have confidence in yourself.  you have value and strengths that no one can take from you.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9wx87y", "comment_id": "9wx87y"}, {"question": "do we go to the er for our 22 month old sons 105 fever.", "description": "his fever started at 103 on friday and has been kept at bay with alternating ibuprofen and acotomenophine. it spiked to 105 3 hours ago. we have another 5ml of ibuprofen it went to down to 101 but has climbed back to 104.5. we have been told hand, foot and mouth has been going around his daycare.   do we sit tight for 10 hours for our family care center to open at 9 am e.t. or do we risk going to the er?   we have cool cloths on his forehead and back of his neck. i read a fan is also helpful.  any suggestions are appreciated.  ", "answer": "omg. i\u2019m not a doctor. used to work at a preschool infant toddler classroom. go!", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "7wqn9z", "comment_id": "7wqn9z"}, {"question": "so someone pissed all over my laptop", "description": "hi ra   early this morning i come back home from my friend's dorm.  i went to go check my laptop for facebook and whatnot. i notice that the green light isn't on on the charger which is plugged in. i open the laptop and liquid starts pouring out from it. a lot of it. i run and grab a towel and start to mop it up. it's a fowl smelling liquid. long story short, i determined that someone opened my laptop, urinated inside of it, and then closed it because the top of the laptop wasn't wet at all.  my roommates all deny it and they say that the people they had over friday night (i was gone most of that night as well) didn't do it. i hadn't used my laptop since thursday so i don't know when this happened. the last thing i did with my laptop of put it on my desk and plug it in.   now after talking with with my roommates some more i have this information:   roommate #1: very, defensive about it.  \"i'm sorry this happened, but no one here did it! so stop bringing it up\" insinuating that i did it. he is short, though, and i don't think he'd be able to pee on my desk and laptop with out standing on a chair. which he would have fallen off. also he isn't one to get super wasted so i don't think it was him.   roommate #2: tried cocaine saturday night. got very drunk the night on friday. got defensive as well. asked if i was sure i didn't do it. (i'm sure i didn't. i came back on friday slightly drunk, went to the actual bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, then went to sleep. on saturday, i was completely sober).   roommate #3: seemed genuinely surprised. i don't think it was him.   friend #1: was over friday night when i was out. was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1.   friend #2: over friday night when i was out. was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. does \"crazy things\" when he is drunk according to another friend.   how do i go about confronting them? i've talked to my roommates, but not the friends that were over. im currently drying it in a sealed bag with rice, but i have no idea if it'll turn on again. any experience with similar situations?  thanks in advance ra  ", "answer": "do you live in a dorm? if so, report them to your ra. that is unacceptable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "16yaay", "comment_id": "16yaay"}, {"question": "is zellweger's syndrome recessive in siblings?", "description": "age: 38 weight: 225 lbs. sex: male race: caucasian duration/place of complaint: my brother who passed from this condition (familial concern) current meds: lisinopril and vitamin d supplements.  hello, i appreciate you taking the time to read this message. i actually just signed up to reddit for expressly posting this. my younger brother passed away at the age of 7 days. after his passing a panel of doctors determined that his passing was either from zellweger's syndrome or \"idiopathic congenital cirrhosis\". this was in 1982 and the doctor's had mixed diagnoses regarding his passing as to whether it was zellweger's or not. my first cousin is 12 weeks with child and i have asked her to have tests done (i'm not sure at what point in pregnancy tests for reviewing zellweger's can be done as i'm not a medical professional) as i've heard this can be recessive and carried through genes. i know that tests can be done to review for this though although little treatment is available at this time (unfortunately, this doesn't seem to have changed much since my brother's passing). it's better to check to be on the safe side in knowing beforehand if possible though.  what i'm curious about is that since this was my brother who passed from this is it something i should be overly concerned about if i was to consider having a child? with having a brother who passed from zellweger's is there a high probability or major concern i should have with having a child who may have zellweger's or a zellweger spectrum disorders? are there any type of actions i can take to help ensure that this does not happen? or, if the tests are done for reviewing if a unborn child may have this, is there anything that can be done? finally, is it possible that i could be checked to see if i may carry zellweger's as a recessive gene even prior to having a child? if i can what type of blood panel/etc. test should i inquire of my doctor to do for reviewing this? likewise, i will pass this along to my cousin to have her review this as well since she is now at 12 weeks.   thank you for your time in reading this. i am happy to provide any additional information that may be helpful.   - jason ", "answer": "if your brother had zellwegger syndrome, which is autosomal recessive, then you know both your parents were carriers. you definitely don't have it, but you would have a 2/3 chance of being a carrier as well. but being a carrier doesn't have any risk to children you have unless the other parent is also a carrier, in which case you would have a 1/4 chance with each pregnancy of passing on zellwegger syndrome.  i am not expert in genetic testing or counseling, but i think the easiest testing would be for you, and it would be a specific test for one of the zellwegger mutations. if you are, you would want to find out if your partner is. if both of you are, then there is risk in any pregnancy. if either one of you is a non\\-carrier then any child could at most him or herself be a carrier.  your cousin's risk is low but not zero. again, your parent must be a carrier, which means that parent's sibling has a 50% chance of being a carrier, so any child has a 25% chance of being a carrier. (slightly higher given the presence of a very low background rate of carriers, but it's easier to assume zero.) if the father of your cousin's child is not a carrier, again, it's moot. the risk is relatively low but much higher than for someone with no affected family members, and i believe that testing is available during pregnancy. but again, there's very easy and completely safe testing for either your cousin or her partner, and a high chance that those tests would rule out the baby having two zellwegger alleles and the disease.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8qy0ox", "comment_id": "8qy0ox"}, {"question": "my son contracted herpes from me during birth killing him, but i was never tested during my pregnancy, so i never knew i was infected.", "description": "a year ago, i gave birth to a healthy baby boy. 6 lbs and 7 oz. my water broke just before 37 weeks, but he seemed healthy enough that he did not require an extra time in the hospital. during my labor, i had to be induced because my body was not naturally progressing into labor further on its own. well, they ended up giving me too much and my contractions were not ending. it was one long contraction that wasn't helping to push the baby out. so, they gave me another drug to slow my contractions. i was writhing in pain. i could not sit still or lie flat. because i couldn't lie in a position to monitor my son's heartbeat, they put a fetal scalp monitor on him. they told me if i didnt get the fetal scalp monitor on, they would not give me an epidural or any pain relief, so we did the scalp monitor.   after my son was born, he had an issue with jaundice. his level was at 14 at one point and he almost had to be hospitalized, but thankfully it resolved itself before that happened. a week later, a cluster of blisters appeared on his head around the area where the fetal monitor was placed. i had no idea why those were there and it scared me, so i immediately called the doctor and they told me to come in the next day.   the pediatrician did not recognize this condition and started to question me on how the wound got on his head. it was the nurse who asked me if he had the fetal monitor on his head. i was puzzled that the doctor did not recognize a mark left behind by a fetal scalp monitor, but i brushed it off. i was more concerned with finding out what was wrong with my son.  she took a sample of the infection on his scalp and prescribed an antibiotic. when we went to fill the prescription, the pharmacist refused to fill it because she had prescribed an antibiotic too strong for a newborn. the pharmacist called the pediatrician to ask why she prescribed an antibiotic that could not be given to a baby of this age. after that, the nurse called us and told us to come back in because of the error so that he could be treated for the infection.   when i got there, the doctor explained that the medication she prescribed could not be administered, so she gave him a shot and prescribed another antibiotic that was safe for him. we also started putting an antibiotic ointment on his head as well.   needless to say, none of this worked. my son began having seizures, so once again, we were back in the pediatricians office. i showed her the video i had taken of the twitching i observed because at that time, i was unaware they were seizures, but i knew they didn't seem normal. she immediately sent us to riley hospital.   within a day, we were properly diagnosed with neonatal herpes simplex 2. he was immediately put on acyclovir and other medications to control seizures. a tube was placed in his throat to breathe for him. he steadily got worse and worse. eventually, the virus caused him to acquire a condition called status epilepticus. his seizures were so severe that he was on several medications to control them and none could stop them. his brain waves were repressed so much that the only brain waves detected were seizures.   i was given the worst news of my life. my son's brain was destroyed by the virus and he would likely not survive. if he did, he would never walk. he would never talk. he would never eat on his own.   the next day, they discovered several areas where the virus had created holes in his intestines. they asked me if we wanted to do a surgery to allow the bowel to drain outside of the body, because at this point, fecal matter was leaking into his body. the doctor warned us that he would probably not wake from the surgery. my boyfriend and i held each other and cried and cried and cried.   we knew we couldn't put him through anymore. we knew we had to let him go.  my questions are this. why didn't the pediatrician know right away what was wrong? had he been diagnosed in time, he would be alive. also, why did my gynecologist not test me for herpes? i realize the cdc does not \"require\" it, but what would be so bad about testing for it knowing this could happen?  age: newborn weight: 6 lbs 7 oz medications: none until riley", "answer": "as often happens with posts that become popular, this is now filled with bad advice and irrelevant anecdotes. the good advice has been given, and i'm going to lock this.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "jyalph", "comment_id": "jyalph"}, {"question": "leaving work early on monday to go interview somewhere else. advice?", "description": "i'm not sure if i should tell my boss why i'm leaving early. and if i do tell her, how do i handle it respectfully?", "answer": "what u/omgitskedwards stated.  it is none of their business what you are going to do.  but i will say this, if they do end up offering the job to you (and granted it is in the same field) give your current employer a chance to respond.  what i mean by that is tell them your intent to leave and go work the other job unless they can offer you something better than what your making now.  ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "46ivkb", "comment_id": "46ivkb"}, {"question": "how can i make my relation ship work when me and my gf have different political views?", "description": "it's becoming a problem and it's getting worse. i don't want politics to be our fall off (especially today's politics), but it seems that every time politics come up it ends in her not wanting to talk to me ", "answer": "different political view are different values. if you care about your values, and his are very different, the relationship can't work.values are who we are. it's the strongest core feature of any relationship...firneds, lovers, spouses...you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66aar0", "comment_id": "66aar0"}, {"question": "help finding resources", "description": "i will be honest i made this post without searching this forum first for similar posts and it'll probably get me some backlash but i'm at my wits end here and i just need help. my significant other is struggling with (self-diagnosed general anxiety/depression). she has signs similar to myself a few years ago when i was clinically diagnosed (ranging from intrusive thoughts, to suicidal tendencies and self harm) and i really want to get her the help she needs and deserves. i've tried being an ear to her and giving her advice and love and care but i don't think i personally can do enough.  i try to be a good friend and helper but i have too much respect for the field of mental health to try to even start suggesting things that may or may not be true to help her overcome her mind and disabling thoughts.   i was going to say \"i think you have more control over your brain than you realize\" but i don't want to commit to that statement and everything that follows it, because i'm not a mental health professional and i realize that things that i say within that regard could just further confuse and frustrate her so i think what i would prefer to do is to see if i can find a therapist who might be able to help her get more in control of her thoughts and mental health.   we live in illinois and for personal reasons she can't see her primary care doctor, in person, about this issue. so we've opted to finding and paying for a therapist out of pocket. however google doesn't yield very helpful results. so i wanted to know has anyone found any mental health doctors through some online resources that they can share? not the doctor themselves but an online resource that helps you find trained mental health physicians in your area that you can schedule meetings with that range from services like diagnoses to scheduled therapy sessions?  ​  i knew of [betterhelp.com](WEBLINK) but i heard that that service has way too many issues with it so i want to avoid that and find better alternatives.", "answer": "hello! therapist here   check out some common mental health directories. two of the most common are psychology today and good therapy. you can search by zip code for providers (do a few nearby) and can narrow down any specific traits you would like out of a therapist. pick a few that you like and give em a call and see if they are taking new patients.  if you want to look into keeping costs down, you can also consider the open path collective. it is a collection of mental health providers that agree to see a small portion of clients for low out of pocket costs. there's a process you go through to determine if she is eligible and there's a one time fee.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "esvs4l", "comment_id": "esvs4l"}, {"question": "im so damn happy", "description": "i am so grateful, i have recently gotten my own apartment in a city where it's very hard to find one, my life is going forward and i have my goals in life clearly set. i look forward to the future so much, much love to you all \u2764\ufe0f", "answer": "congratulations! best of luck! glad you\u2019re taking time to acknowledge your success!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "azhicc", "comment_id": "azhicc"}, {"question": "type ii", "description": "while i'm in agreement with the scope of posting here, i do find value in the observation of conditions relating to type ii personalities, the npr, bpd, hpd, apd groups and the comorbidity occurrences. having experienced trauma at the hands of some of these indiviuals, i ask, is some value found by any of you in the findings of psychology, versus it's practiction? thoughts?", "answer": "personality is a dubious concept. no one has fixed behavior in all contexts at all times. behavior is complementary. the victimizer needs a victim and the victim roll isnt the least powerful position.", "topic": "antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7gtp7i", "comment_id": "7gtp7i"}, {"question": "question about brain mris", "description": "if you have a language issue with expressing and processing language, would the cause always be apparent from an mri? for example, both a person with a brain injury and someone with autism can have this language issue. would the \"damage\" or variation of the brain only show up in the scan of the person with the brain injury or can it also be seen in the scan of the person with autism?   thank you! i hope my question makes sense.   25, f, 5'6, 130 lb, white  ", "answer": "there's research into what differences visible on mri show up in autism and a variety of other conditions, but nothing that's considered clear and diagnostic. strokes or traumatic brain injury are easy to see. autism and personality differences are not.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8gcvgf", "comment_id": "8gcvgf"}, {"question": "dae feel like they don't recognize when people mistreat you because you assume you're just overreacting?", "description": "the other day at work, someone said something to me that i didn't really take personally, but i have a supervisor who's protective of me and she talked to him about it. later she said to me, \"don't let that happen,\" i'm assuming to mean don't be a doormat and let people speak to you that way.  but i feel like i don't have a good grasp on what is and what isn't acceptable behavior from other people because i overreact and get very upset about the slightest things anyway. can anyone else relate? how do i know what is and what isn't ok?", "answer": "psychotherapist checking in: this is super common.   there\u2019s also a tendency to minimize positive appraisals from others.   so, it is assumed that others are very competent in observing and reporting negatives (or at deciding to treat people poorly when they deserve it), but the same people are naive idiots when giving positive feedback to the anxious person.   when someone is anxious enough, their thoughts become incredibly paradoxical.  i like to shine a light on these paradoxes to help break a person\u2019s brain in just the right way to shut down the habitual negativity.   you can begin to tell the difference in fair and unfair treatment by getting to know the difference between the negative \u201cfilter\u201d you evaluate yourself through and the way you perceive others.   then you can begin to imagine how you would treat others in your situation and give yourself the same courtesy.  it\u2019s somewhat simple, but takes lots of practice. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "75dyt4", "comment_id": "75dyt4"}, {"question": "15m my pee is smelling bad and ive been losing weight", "description": "i smoke cigarettes, try to eat healthy, exercise 1-2 times a week. im around 135 pounds 6 feet and ive been losing weight even if im hungry and thristy a lot. ive already been tested for diabetes around november and it came back negative. also since the begging of may ive been trying to eat healthier and just drinking water instead of diet pepsi and coffee. my pee started smelling bad around 1 week ago. i also get tired after i eat (but i think more than likey its cause of me eating fast and a lot)", "answer": "what does the urine smell like exactly? do you know your weight changes in detail? what have you changed to your eating?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "gs9d0u", "comment_id": "gs9d0u"}, {"question": "\"rock bottom\". are you there yet, dear lurker? or is this the wrong question?", "description": "just an [article](WEBLINK) i came across. thought it would be food for thought for some people around here. ", "answer": "in my recovery circle i don't hear rock bottom to often. i do hear bottom pretty regularly. like the article said it's not quantifiable. just like being an alcoholic isn't quantifiable. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1gz9xk", "comment_id": "1gz9xk"}, {"question": "going to the doctor with a diagnosis in mind.", "description": "i dont understand how i can go to a doctor with a diagnosis in mind. i need to talk about adhd. in a [separate post](WEBLINK) i've outlined why i think adhd might be the root of my problem.   but i know lots of people go to the doctors to try to get a prescription for study drugs or whatever. heck, i tried my hardest (well, i was pretty honest i guess, actually...) to be dyslexic in front of an educational psychologist... but who wouldn't?! my university offered **free macbooks** to dyslexic students plus all my college texts were paid for! i was experiencing problems, i just don't think it was dyslexia.   anyway, i suppose i'm scared i won't be taken seriously. my parents are a doctor and nurse. they hate it when people come in having already googled their ailment. they don't think a doctor should have anything to do with dyslexia... my mother doesn't know the first things about adhd and she had been a nurse since the age of 19 when she started her training. when i was sick as a child, she didn't believe me. so i guess i'm just struggling with how i'm going to be taken seriously by a doctor without making it look like i'm trying to had to try 'get drugs' off them. like when i was really sick but my mum just thought i was trying to get a day off school. i started questioning whether i was sick, or wither it was all in my head.  i believe undiagnosed adhd is ruining me, holding me back, and causing my depression. i have seen a psychologist before and i have been prescribed anti depressants before. but i was consumed by this idea that i could be telling them anything, i could lie and act through my teeth to get those meds, if that was my motivation. which it isn't. well it is, but i feel i have an actual need for the medication, its not like i want to recreationally use or sell adderoll. my mum believes the more you talk about something, the more you convince yourself you have it, the more you have it. i went to see a psychologist and burt into tears and told her i was depressed... she blamed the psychologist as the root of the depression, i shouldn't have 'opened a can of worms'.  i can here her voice telling me 'lots of people can't concentrate honey, it doesn't mean you have to put a silly label on it.' -im scared this is the attitude a doctor will have too.", "answer": "go see a psychiatrist. tell him or her, \"i think i have adhd. these are the things i'm struggling with.\" then ask for a referral to a therapist. tell the therapist everything in this post.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3u2j0h", "comment_id": "3u2j0h"}, {"question": "it\u2019s so easy to forget that... bulimia isn\u2019t normal", "description": "like, sometimes i forget that constantly having the thought of puking ur meal up whenever u decide ur too full/it\u2019s too many calories in the bg isn\u2019t normal. i\u2019ll have streaks of 2 or 3 weeks where i\u2019m purge-free and then i\u2019ll get drunk and i\u2019m immediately like \u201cyeah but i can just purge this meal\u201d  that isn\u2019t normal!! this is your eating disorder talking!! recovery feels easy until you realise it\u2019s wormed its way into every part of your life, until you realise that shoving ur fingers down ur throat isn\u2019t normal. that purging isn\u2019t an undo button for everyone else and that there\u2019s a reason for that.   idk. i\u2019m just venting because relapsing is so easy and i want this to be over but also bulimia is lowkey forever part of my life now and i don\u2019t even know how that happened. hey there!", "answer": "i just watched miss congeniality and there\u2019s a scene where they\u2019re talking about pizza and gracie says \u201cdon\u2019t worry, she\u2019ll puke it up anyways\u201d and this is an acceptable answer for the group of girls. that hit me like a slap in the face\u2014 i watched this movie hundreds of times as a young teenager and always just accepted that that\u2019s just what you do when you are beautiful and this was normal adult behavior.  psa: it\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not glamorous and it won\u2019t make any of us beautiful.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "ivg4v2", "comment_id": "ivg4v2"}, {"question": "i [26 m] messed up while chasing a girl i liked [22/f] for 5 months and i can't stop beating myself up", "description": "sorry if this is long, but i wanted to give you the full details on my chase for her.  i met this girl through a recreational sports league, thought she was cute....came across her profile by chance on tinder and to my surprise we matched and have exchanged numbers through it (she remembers me from the league). the girl has a background of dating 30+ year old guys due to the nature of her work (real estate).  1. she was my type of girl, cute, ambitious, playful and into sports. i was very much infatuated with her at an early stage, as we texted everyday and talked on the phone, eventually i asked her out on a movie & dinner date which she said yes to, we had a great first date, followed by another amazing 2nd and 3rd date which we connected very well and had clear mutual attraction for each other. on our third date, it was valentines day so i surprised her with a flower, we had a dineout and after that i tried to hold her hand, but she resisted my advance, i didn't let that bother me because i heard from our mutual friends that she was a girl who wasn't \"easy\", so i was willing to be patient and put in the effort....despite the minor rejection she was still being very coupley to me after the dinner (wrapping us around with a scarf).  2. us going out on dates/hanging out went on for about another 2-3 months...during this time i was starting to run out of ideas of what to do and the things we did didn't exactly help me escalate to the next level....for example i was hoping to go to a pub/bar with her so we can both get some alcohol into the system and help facilitate some sexual tension....but due to scheduling conflicts that idea kind of faded to the side.  3. after about 3 months, i decided to have the \"talk\" with her right before dropping her off after yet another date.....i confessed that i liked her (very obvious), and asked if she wanted to try officially dating and see how it goes.....her response to me at that time was that she liked me but did not reach the \"love\" stage yet. this had me very puzzled and i felt very discouraged as i've always felt that love was a word reserved for couples in relationship, and therefore i felt like she didn't like me that much, although in hindsight and from many friend's opinion it was her way of telling me to try harder.   4. because of this, this was kind of the first \"setback\" i had in my pursue of her....i became less enthusiastic in my texting to her, and she could sense that my timing was getting a bit more infrequent as well...we were planning to go gym together at this place she could get me free membership in....but after that incident i told her it's okay she doesn't have to get me permission to that place anymore...another display of my discouragement...and i could sense that she was a bit sad over this because her social media status was \"i know how to comfort people, but who will comfort me?\". very quickly after, i realized i was being an idiot and i tried to set the pace back at where it was before (texting frequently again, setting up dates), but i definitely had guard a bit up since i know she wasn't fully into me.  5. the second \"setback\" was one day she invited me to hangout with her friends at night when i had a long exhausting day with work/sports, and i politely denied it. apparently she showed my picture to her female friends, and one of them was another girl that i matched with (but never met) a year ago. this prompted the girl i liked to ask if i was still on tinder, i was put on the spot on the phone infront of her friends and it was very embarassing/awkward, and i hesitated and said yes (technically i was on since i didn't uninstall, but i wasn't swiping at all). after that things got real awkward because i thought she minded a lot, and i was upset because i felt like i was on the spot. i clarified to her that i only liked her and i wasn't seeing/talking to other girls....she told me to calm down and said she didn't mind (she meant it). because she told me she didn't mind, i felt very discouraged again, and i again slowed down with the texting for a few days because i was a little discouraged again...however our usual texting resumed and we even had another date where for the first time i got to hold her hands.  6. fast forward to her exam period (she was still a student), her texting evidentally became very cold....we had planned something and even had to cancel it since she said she was very stressed, the texting died down and i thought i'd give her a 1 week space since she was busy and thought when she's ready she would text me first....that never happened, so i panicked and checked up with her in person and she told me convincingly that due to the nature of her work/school, she is legit busy which was why she didn't really text and she was doing that to all her other friends too. that gave me a temporary relief, but as i got home i thought about how no matter how busy you are, you can always have time to text someone...  7. i gave her another call after exams were over to schedule something..., and the phone call was good where i thought maybe it's okay if texting died....i mean people get tired of texting eventually right? so we went on our last date (unfortunately) to a night market type place.....i thought things were back to good again as we were holding hands and acting like a couple, and she even invited me to her graduation ceremony.....however after that date, she was cold to me again in person in the sports league....and then i heard from a mutual friend that days prior to it she brought a +1 to a wedding....i was devastated since i wasn't the one invited...i could not sleep the whole night, i had even bought my graduation gift for her already....so i decided to give her a call the next day to clarify the confusion and ask for real what she thought of us and even told her i felt very hurt getting hot and cold signals.   8. she finally told me that she didn't feel a spark between us, and she really tried to, and said that it's just she never really had to courage to tell me off (hence i was left hanging), and when i told her that i put my best effort in, she sounded surprise and gave me examples to go above and beyond such as \"making surprise food deliveries for the girl when she says she's hungry\", or being able to say \"good night/morning for more than 3 months (typical guy length)\". she also told me i planned too much and things should be more spontaneous (i did so because i respected her time) i was dumbfounded and i could not stop beating myself up at that point.  9. as far as surprises went, i thought i did a good job? i bought her flower for v-day, i bought her cough candy and gave it to her when i knew she was sick, and i also bought her favourite snacks to help her de-stress during exam periods.  10. even after her speech, i decided to take the high road and wanted to give her this graduation teddy bear i bought for her in person as kind of like a one last farewell (had no expectations of changing her mind)...and she shows up with another guy behind her....i was so choked i just said congrats and ptfo and was crying while driving back home. what's worse is that the guy behind her wasn't even the +1 guy she brought to the wedding.  i have never been in a relationship before, so i really wanted to see this through as i really liked the girl and i'm in so much pain right now analyzing everything i could've done better.....the thought of her getting caressed by another guy enjoying emotional/physical intimacy is giving me sleepless nights......please ease my pain   ----------------------------------------------------------- **tl;dr**: chased girl for 5 months, felt like i had a great chance, but missed some cues from her (to do certain things/try harder) and after having a serious talk she said she didn't feel a spark between us. i can't stop beating myself up over how if i did those checklist items i probably could've ignited those sparks along the way. the literal thought of her getting caressed by another dude is killing me.", "answer": "did you guys ever make out?  have sex?  this narrative sounds like you went on several dates and never kissed her. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6edhi5", "comment_id": "6edhi5"}, {"question": "how can i get my insurance to cover more sessions?", "description": "i tried to post this to /r/askreddit; but i guess asking for help with mental health issues gets you bounced. (rule 2).   anyone have any luck getting more sessions out of their insurance company? (kaiser in particular) my shrink just told me we are running out of covered sessions....", "answer": "one way to think about it is that there are two types of insurance systems in the usa: managed care and medical necessity.  original medicare (types a and b) and some medicaid programs are medical necessity which typically means that so long as your doctor certifies that the care is needed to support your health it can continue to be funded.  managed care is more about requiring authorizations for periods of care which need to be justified each time they expire in order to continue.  they make their profits by denying care essentially.  your problem is that you (or your employer) have purchased the wrong type of insurance.  people do this because managed care plans are typically cheaper (because they offer less robust coverage) and many people don't see the value in a medical necessity plan until they get shit on by their insurer.  even then, the complexity of insurance  plans is so great that ordinary people just won't understand how to evaluate which plan is a better fit for your needs.  tl/dr: if you have a chronic condition, get yourself a medical necessity based health plan.  if you plan to be healthy then managed care might be for you since it is likely to be cheaper.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4ux6sq", "comment_id": "4ux6sq"}, {"question": "i finally call to set up an appointment with a therapist and the front desk person kept laughing at me", "description": "so i finally called for an appointment for a therapist for the first time by myself. it took me 4 weeks to get ready to and was overwhelming but i finally did it. the only problem is... it sounded like the the person at the front desk was laughing at me. i felt humiliated a bit. when she was asking questions i kind of screwed up on answering some of them like my own address and after i had corrected myself she started laughing and it wasn't like a nervous laugh for me it was a full blown out laugh.  it blew my confidence i set up going into finally calling down the drain because of that i started stumbling on other questions more and everytime i would mess up or say sorry or correct myself she would burst out laughing and it didn't help at one point it felt like she was whispering at one point to someone while i was looking for my insurance information and she also couldn't tell if i was female or male. i sound like a male over the phone and i know that but it was embarrassing.   i know i shouldn't be worrying as much because she's the front desk person but it was just rude and i felt like i didn't say anything that was worth laughing at. i had questions to ask her but i forgot because i was thinking to much into why she was laughing. i'm feeling really anxious to go now and i don't want her to be the reason i don't show up either. i feel like this is what's it going to be like talking to the therapist. he might laugh at me as well or in the inside. i don't know but could be the way i talk so now i'm self conscious again. i really hate all of this.. ", "answer": "why are 90% of the responses here invalidating and condescending and most of all excusing the unprofessional professional. i'd let an employee do this just nonce. the first time they laughed at a potential client i'd let them go. it's because of exactly this situation where you can't control how someone takes it but you know that the person calling is struggling just to make the call.   i hope you are able to make the appointment and that you can get what you need from the therapist. i completely believe that the assistant was being insensitive and judgemental. excusing it makes it seem like this couldn't happen and it's just your fault for overreacting. that's bs. anxiety, especially social anxiety thrives on this exact dynamic where many people are just not that nice and the anxiety knows this and worries about it.   so maybe go maybe call another place. you have to obligation to follow through if they were insulting. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "6k9zq4", "comment_id": "6k9zq4"}, {"question": "is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "with everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) i\u2019ve been suicidal but i really doubt that i\u2019m ever going to act on it. i don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and i\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital.   with that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? i was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because i was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, i\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that i got from it is that i\u2019ve been too afraid to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case i fail  basically my problem is that because i\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what i can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that i really want to talk about. plus because of my current situation, i can\u2019t go to the hospital because i don\u2019t know if i\u2019d be able to finish my school work and i\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester   to;dr if i explain to my therapist that i\u2019m suicidal but feel like i\u2019m very unlikely to attempt, and that i\u2019m very afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? not being able to tell her is limiting things that i would like to talk to her about   edit: i don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and i am going to do so at our next session. thank you all", "answer": "note that i am a therapist but i am not your therapist and the accuracy of my advice may vary based on where you are located, as well as the training, ethical code, and clinical judgement of your specific therapist. your therapist knows a lot more about this than i do, and i can't provide psychological help over reddit.   fwiw, my experience is that clients fear that i am much more likely to involuntarily hospitalize them than i actually am.   however, i always feel cautious about giving specifics for other therapists because i do not know where you are, how your therapist is licensed, or how your therapist interprets their ethical and legal obligations.   with that said, i will note that suicidal ideation is very common. if we hospitalized everyone who thought about killing themselves, we would be hospitalizing a truly absurd number of people. (in fact, fwiw, i would be hospitalized.)   in my clinic, involuntary hospitalization would look something like, \"i have a specific plan to kill myself that i intend to carry out and i refuse to safety plan with you.\"  i strongly encourage you to ask your therapists about this. for example, in your shoes, i might say something like, \"i remember you saying that one reason you might break confidentiality is if i pose a serious threat to myself. i am wondering if you can give me some more information about that. how does this clinic define this?\"  if you give your therapist information about suicidal thoughts, your therapist probably will ask you a bunch of questions to assess risk, such as asking if you have a gun in the house. this doesn't mean that they are trying to institutionalize you, but just that they are trying to figure out what sorts of things might need to be included on a safety plan if you end up making one. (and to make sure that they are documenting what they need to document.)  there may also be some additional considerations if you are under the age of 18.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fwq80o"}, {"question": "i am humiliated. ashamed. full of guilt.", "description": "i made it 55 days. longest i\u2019ve gone other than while pregnant.  it\u2019s been difficult and satisfying.  i threw it all away this weekend. had a date night with my husband saturday and decided i was going to have wine with our dinner. before we left we had some champagne, like a welcome back toast! my son over heard me say i was going to have a drink and said: \u201cmom don\u2019t lose your time, you\u2019ve done so well!\u201d i told him not to worry and everything will be fine. this was earlier in the day. in my mind i rationalized that if i choose to drink i just won\u2019t do it in front of my kids. saturday was not a disaster. sunday.... oh, \u201csunday funday!\u201d not so funday.  got started at brunch and had a bunch of drinks. bloody mary, champagne and several beers. go hard or go home - right!? we end up at a friends house and i open a bottle of wine from vietnam. this \u201cwine\u201d packs a good punch. fast forward a few hours and we\u2019re all at the pool. next thing i know i\u2019m waking up at 4 am full of anxiety with no idea how i got home.  turns out i got extremely hammered and started to fall asleep at the pool. my husband got me home and i went to use the restroom. my daughter had to go tell my husband that mommy is asleep in the restroom and i can\u2019t wake her up. my son is also a witness to all of this.  i don\u2019t remember the pool. i don\u2019t remember coming home and i completely let my family down.  i feel so shitty - emotionally - that i could not face going to work today.  can\u2019t face my family. made up a story that my daughter believes about getting food poisoning, but my son knows. my husband has tried to assure me that he got me home before too much damage was done at the pool.  crazy thing is my mom is telling me that we all make mistakes. don\u2019t beat myself up and next time don\u2019t drink as much.  all my family and friends drink, which makes staying sober more challenging. i know only i can choose to drink.  resetting the clock to day 1. iwndwyt    edit: thank you to everyone that has taken their time to post advice and uplifting comments. it\u2019s been a struggle today, but i know i\u2019m not alone. this happens to the best of us. reading your comments has made a positive impact on my day.   edit 2:  y\u2019all are amazing. i turned my phone off last night and checked out early. woke up to so many comments. i\u2019ll try to respond to everyone. currently at work. day 2 and i\u2019m already feeling better. iwndwyt", "answer": "sometimes we lose the choice in drink actually. alcoholism is powerful as hell. no matter how bad we want to sometimes it\u2019s not enough. i need aa and the steps to stay sober myself. only thing that has worked in the past. i am struggling myself, so i feel your pain. hope things get better. learn from it, but please don\u2019t beat yourself up too badly. that only makes for more drinking to get rid of that feeling as well", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bz1g0e", "comment_id": "bz1g0e"}, {"question": "i hate that feeling of uncomfortableness that people with adhd get somedays", "description": "anyone else ever just feel like they just don\u2019t want to to talk to anybody? either at school or at work, does any else just have those days, even when your usually pretty talkative, that you just don\u2019t feel like talking to anyone?", "answer": "not so much talking but paying attention. if i'm overloaded, i just want to sit and mindlessly scroll reddit or do crosswords and say nothing to anyone at all.", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "ewds7m", "comment_id": "ewds7m"}, {"question": "if i tell my therapist i'll probably kill myself in a month will they commit me?", "description": "i don't really have a definitive plan to kill myself but if i don't start seeing results or something changing soon i don't think i'll be able to make it much longer than a month. if i tell this to my therapist can she commit me?", "answer": "there are some variations based on where you are and the license of your therapist. i can only involuntarily commit someone who has imminent threat of harm. a month away is not imminent,  you don't have a plan, and asking for help indicates your perspective plan is flexible.   now,  a therapist may ask you to safety plan or make an agreement.  for example,  if you told me you were considering killing yourself in a month, and then disappeared,  i would be very worried. a check-in safety plan may be in order.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "huv7ta", "comment_id": "huv7ta"}, {"question": "i'm psychotic", "description": "i look for signs of those that i know everywhere here  i feel their presence through a post, photo, or comment of some sort that seems familiar. how many strangers have i crept through their comment history because they have three pages of comments that wouldn't be out of place coming from him... and i know it's because i miss him. or because that person writes like she would, with an air of gothly poetry. feeling like words are directed towards me because i feel bad about how i handled that.  realizing the severity of my (literal) brain damage even more, not just from the drugs and overheating but from that time, forgot all about, smacked myself so many times in the forehead i had a concussion and an aura, i think probably a seizure... i don't know what to think ever on that. i don't think i have had seizures... i feel like i was faking them all, or is that still just the self doubt that he poisioned me with so heavily, making me question every second of every inch of every breath of my reality  its been x months. im so paranoid still i fear giving the number for fear of identifying me. lol. what a fucking wimp i am. i could barely use the internet for months. i just now started using my actual laptop again instead of my phone. i was so afraid of him popping up somewhere. of some spyware that i wouldnt be able to find.  i know its all a fucking game im playing with myself really and so why do i go along with it  i wasnt joking with the title folks.   as i was saying... (so fucking frustrating, always getting sidetracked)  realizing the severity of the damage. learning i need to understand that life isnt going to be as easy for me as it once was in certain ways.   so much effort to even follow through with this post, motivation nearing 0 as i see the garbage piling up in front of me. i used to be such a good writer. i used to be intelligent.  i wanted it this way. it was a self fulfilling prophecy...  the id that is of me is in constant overdrive (but true since birth?) and minor ego death is what this vessel eats for breakfast  how many years have i known of freud, how many times have i discussed his model of the psyche... fucking this really is brain damage. i gave in to google after 2 mins when i used to kno de wey. well im no fucking ugandan anymore.   i've cried so much today now. i havent cried in a long time. i guess im gearing up for a manic phase, which i'll need the energy anyways for the shit i've got to do these next few weeks...   6 minutes ago i posted this and now im just here laughing over my obsessive thinking of a meal i had today. it was so good. it was like literally the most beautiful red i've ever seen, the most spiritual tikka masala i've eaten", "answer": "i hope you are getting help if it is causing you this much distress. you don\u2019t have to live in fear. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7owcme", "comment_id": "7owcme"}, {"question": "one of my friends is convinced that life is not worth living in and has started planning his suicide.", "description": "hi reddit,  i don't know where to ask for advice, but as i said in the title, he's really convinced that nothing is worth anything and nothing seems to be enough for him anymore, therefore he's started to plan his suicide, which he wants done before new year's.  another friend was the one to actually tell me about this decision, and what deeply saddens and alarms me is how serious he is this time around. he has been taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills but i don't think they're working anymore.  what do you think should i do to change his mind? i dunno what to do. he has heard us tell him over and over again in the past that he's worth it and other positive reinforcements we could think of, but i'm afraid if we say that again, he won't listen anymore.   please help me out reddit. thank you.", "answer": "tell some adult you trust. this person may be furious at you for it right now but will thank you later. text 741741 or use a suicide hotline. if you\u2019re really really worried they are in immediate danger call 911. they need to get to hospital for emergency mental health care. ", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "7ahazd", "comment_id": "7ahazd"}, {"question": "adhd and password resetting", "description": "don't get me started, how do normal people even remember 50 different passwords?   or does everyone use \"macaroni79\" for everything they use? lol", "answer": "the worst is when you can't remember your password, try multiple times, click forgot password, put a new one in then it says \"you can't use the same password as what is already set.\" fucking what!?!?", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "jgezaa", "comment_id": "jgezaa"}, {"question": "i'm [28/f] who's getting frustrated and pent up because boyfriend [28/m] is fighting depression. need advice please", "description": "we've been together for over four years now and i know that he's been going through a lot of tough times within the last year. from parents getting divorced to troubles with getting his degree to ending up in unfulfilling jobs, his troubles have wrapped him in a tough bout of depression that he's trying to get help for. he's taking medication for about four months now and we've seen some improvements, although he still has a lot of problems to still fix and i'm always supportive in whatever steps he wants to take in order to make himself happy. from quitting jobs for better opportunities to getting instruments so that he could play music as a form of creative release. whatever he needed, i've been totally there for him.   we lived together for a year under his parents roof until his parents decided to sell the house and finalize their divorce. at that point the logical choice was to move in together. we had been together for three years prior and while in the house we had been romantic, but respectful. we had our sexy nights, but we weren't romping around like rabbits. anyways, when we got into our new place this all changed.  in the year that we've been in our new apartment, we've maybe had sex a handful of times. i want to blame it on all of the anxiety and stresses of work family and his desire to finish college. i understand that his medication does have the potential to reduce sexual drive. i also understand that depression is also a very crippling condition that can alter ones ability to \"get in the mood\". but it's been six months now, and i'm at my whits end. i have tried talking to him about my desires, my needs and when i do i'm met with almost condescension. he teases me, saying \"oh, you're just horny\" as if it's just a passing feeling that i can just toss aside.   he's making me feel bad for even asking, like i'm pressuring him to do something that he can't mentally validate. which doesn't make sense that our coupling is a problem now when he had no problem with it before. i asked if he even wanted me anymore, if he even was attracted to me and he says that he is. and its getting to the point that i have a hard time believing him. i've told him not to idly touch me anymore, because i'm so sexually pent up that it hurts to get my hopes up when it doesn't amount to anything.   i don't want him to do something he's obviously having conflict with, but at the same time i'm left here hanging. ya, his feelings are being addressed, but what about mine?  the worst part is that i wish that i didn't have to bother him with my needs. i wish my body wasn't drawn to his. i wish i could turn it off, because it seems to only cause us this tension that is quickly filling with heartbreak.   so what should i do about this? i'm a loyal creature, so i'd never dream of cheating on him and i don't fancy just washing my hands of him in favor of some other guy. i want to help him get better, but i also want him to understand that our relationship isn't just about him getting what he can out of it. i need a little more from him than a peck on the cheek.  tl;dr long term relationship, girl not getting any and boy fighting depression.   ", "answer": "he needs a therapist. when his depression resolves, hopefully the rel. will become what you hope it has the potential to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q0txy", "comment_id": "5q0txy"}, {"question": "\"stuck\" or \"slipping gears\" feeling when off meds", "description": "i wondered if anyone else had the problem with feeling obsessed to the point of discomfort with some topic when unmedicated? either in the case of something particularly interesting or something stressful, like you can't transition off of the topic and like your wheels are spinning trying to get traction in order to do so?", "answer": "yes. my most recent phase was bear attacks. reading stories/news articles about them mostly, but also learning statistics about it, ways to survive, etc. i was stuck on it for maybe two months and felt compelled to google bear attacks whenever i was on my phone, sometimes reading particularly disturbing accounts over and over.   i have had other even more unpleasant obsessions. they\u2019re almost always morbid and disturbing (i have a lot of anxiety about death), and as a function of this tendency, i now have knowledge of some truly awful things that i can\u2019t ever un-know. it\u2019s really frustrating because once i get something like that in my head, it\u2019s like an itch i have to scratch.   anyway, today was my first ever day on meds so here\u2019s hoping these kinds of issues are less of a thing going forward. you said you have this feeling when you\u2019re off meds so would you say the meds are a pretty big help for this issue for you personally?", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a60yor", "comment_id": "a60yor"}, {"question": "dae spend days confused about how you feel?", "description": "this might just be a new flavor of depression, but does anyone else have trouble discerning emotion for days at a time? i\u2019m noticing this issue because i was hypomanic for a while, and i\u2019ve been tracking my moods. lately, i can\u2019t pinpoint how i feel well enough to report anything. i have no idea how i feel. should i work on accepting this? or are there some ways to get back in touch with my feelings? ", "answer": "like every day  but it gets better with structure and self care  and consistency ", "topic": "bpd", "post_id": "9dcj85", "comment_id": "9dcj85"}, {"question": "anxiety from people not listening to what you have to say?", "description": "just to start, i do have diagnosed ocd.  but does this come with the package? getting anxiety from people not letting you explain your situation on anything? and then when they still hold off you still have that urge to set things straight that brings on a bunch of anxiety.", "answer": "where's the fear? whats so bad about people not listening to you? ", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "580ool", "comment_id": "580ool"}, {"question": "[17/f] giving second chances in a relationship to my boyfriend [19/m]", "description": "my boyfriend and i have had the same issue since we started dating 9 months ago, he never calls me beautiful, or makes me feel special or loved, i have anxiety so this makes me convinced that he doesn't think or feel any of these things despite him telling me (and me not really believing him due to nothing really backing this up from really any of the 5 languages of love apart from quality time)  when i am by myself i know i am beautiful and have confidence in that but because he never tells me i'm beautiful or proves he thinks it in any other way i am stripped of that when texting him or seeing him in real life. it's not me having a lack of confidence in my look but me being devastated over someone that i love so much not having mutual feelings.  i want to give him a serious second chance and if he doesn't make an effort to improve this time it will have to be the end of our relationship as i just can't be in a with someone that makes me feel ugly and unwanted when i'm around them. it's really not too much to ask of a significant other to make one happy, special and beautiful, instead i cry myself to sleep at night because i feel lonely and unloved by him. i need him to actually understand that i really need affection in a relationship this time or we will have to break up, not just acting better straight after i have confronted him about the ongoing issue. i have confronted him about this almost countless times now but he never takes it seriously, i think mostly because he knows he's not going to lose me and i'll continue to feel like crap or that it's not that serious.  when i confront him about this issue i need him to know that this is his very last chance and if he isn't willing to compromise i'll have to break up with him and get what i so desperately need in a relationship from someone else that will understand my needs and care for them. i need help effectively carrying my point across to him and hope he understands. i can't do it on my own.  tl;dr i feel crappy and ugly because my boyfriend never shows his attraction to me, i want to effectively carry across my point for the very last time that affection is needed or i will have to seek it elsewhere.   ", "answer": "if he hasn't given you what you need by now, he likely never will", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68lpkz", "comment_id": "68lpkz"}, {"question": "lending money...", "description": "i need your opinion, i gave my cousin money($25) and i would remind him whenever the conversation of money came up(once every 1-2 months) its been almost a year. the last time i spoke to him he was talking about saving money for a car and i asked for the money and he thinks i'm greedy even though i need the money now...  he hasn't spoken to me for a month now and i just want to know who's in the wrong and what to do to fix the situation.  edit: i told him he doesn't have to pay me back and he still doesn't want to talk because, \"all i think about is money.\"", "answer": "if you've reminded him every 1-2 months and he still hasn't returned the money, he probably is not ever planning on paying you back. theoretically you could try to talk to your aunt/uncle and have them force him to give it back, but that would probably damage your relationship with him.  instead, i think you should probably just chalk it down to a learning experience, and decide that you won't lend people money unless you are okay if they never pay you back.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3a43qv", "comment_id": "3a43qv"}, {"question": "is facebook a killer? (need advice)", "description": "hey, reddit. i need your help here (a bit long):  two weeks ago i (f,30) went out with my husband (m,29) to a pub to celebrate his birthday together with some friends. we are both living in a different town, away from any relatives (we just decide to try our lives anew, no family problems) just relying on each other.  so, back to the pub, one of my friends (who is also my coworker) decided to invite some friends of hers (okay, no problem), but when we got there, there was that girl (named nat\u00e1lia (f,23). we got to know each other, my husband included, we take a seat and start having a good time, playing cards and drinking a bit.   my husband drunk some beers and start talking to me about the people he sees around, about the girls and all (in which i see no problem because the place was full of beautiful people anyway, and he always tells me openly when he finds someone attractive, making remarks about what he thinks it's hot about them. i take no offense 'cause i am also his friend and i appreciate when people are open).   i was okay 'till he started speaking about nat\u00e1lia (something about awesome legs and butt, and how she looked like his first gf). well, i won't lie i felt a bit uncomfortable, since she was so close, but i got my mind out of it, 'cause even i found her beautiful too and we were all having a good time.  the problem is: one day after the party, my dear friend sent my husband a fb friendship request (which he accepted, okay) and tagged him in a pic we took at the party. nat\u00e1lia's in the pic, she liked it and my husband, suddenly decided to add her (and he does not even know her that well) and the others in the pic.     resuming: since then, he checks her profile every single day (reading status, looking at pics), which i know because i snooped through his account. yesterday, it was her birthday and he even replied her status with a funny pic. he doesn't check the other girls status or even my friend. just nat\u00e1lia, but, i have to be fair and say she isn't trying anything.  that is becoming quite annoying and when i asked him a couple of days ago if he had a crush on her, he denied and laughed, but he still keeps checking her page.  what to do?   edit: first, thanks for all the replies and the kindness of reading. second, just an honest question: in what extent can fb be damaging to relationships? maybe in the extent we give it, but we never know...  tl;dr: husband checks my friend's female friend fb page everyday and it's becoming annoying. i need advice.", "answer": "i felt compelled to respond to this for some reason...  first off, you sound like a really cool wife.  i love your attitudes about honesty and being open.  it's refreshing and something that a lot of women (at least that i know) don't share.  all that said, you can't have it both ways.  if you're going to trust your husband completely, you have to trust him completely.  he obviously finds lots of other women attractive and you have given him implicit permission to express that.  if you start to pester him about this, you're likely to cause him to be less open and honest with you.  it sounds like he's harmlessly flirting right now and i would suggest you trust that he can control himself.  if you continue to check up after him, you'll just drive a wedge between you two and drive yourself crazy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1pfqh7", "comment_id": "1pfqh7"}, {"question": "is socializing even that fun?", "description": "for a long time i have wished for more friends and be invited to events. but almost every time i actually get invited to something, i go, and i do not enjoy it very much. it is okay, but i start longing for time alone to spend with my hobbies. i find this strange, as i normally feel like friends is the one thing i miss in my life. i have considered that maybe i just have not clicked enough with anybody yet. because i have a boyfriend, and i absolutely love spending time with him, even after a year together. i mean there must be a reason i love socializing with him but not other people. i guess it could be that with him, (and my family) i feel 100% relaxed and myself. achieving that level of comfortableness with friends just seems difficult, maybe it is often required that you are childhood friends.  this also makes me realize the importance of actually making friends that are *good* for you. and to create relationships by being yourself. as a friendless person, i think it is easy to think that anyone will be good enough, if you just get one or a few friends, it would be amazing. but what if you do not feel you can be yourself around them? then socializing will only drag you down mentally.  so basically i think that even if you have few friends, it is equally important for you to be picky as far as relationships goes. do you agree? it is better to have no friends than friends with whom you do not feel comfortable?", "answer": "being picky as far as relationships go all depends on how much time/energy you have and are willing to give to your relationships.  there's no right or wrong answer.     i don't think it's healthy or productive to complain about the lack of relationships but also be extremely picky or closed off to fostering new relationships.     having no friends vs having friends you feel uncomfortable with?  this is tricky.  i think it's important to differentiate between friends and friendly acquaintances.  nobody generally starts out with a deep emotional connection and level of comfort with someone when they just start hanging out.  there is always going to be some level of discomfort when spending time with newer acquaintances.  if you shy away from many of these types of interactions due to not feeling comfortable, you're passing up the opportunity to have these relationships turn into comfortable friendships over time.     if you're putting a wall up and waiting for people to come along who you will instantly feel completely comfortable with and feel the same type of bond you had with friends growing up or people you have known for a very long time, you'll be waiting by yourself forever.      ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9aza8r", "comment_id": "9aza8r"}, {"question": "i utterly hate it when someone tells me that i am wrong. not because i want to be right but because it makes me feel that i am an idiot or inadequate", "description": "i assume that everyone else wants to be right about something and i assume that everyone feels sad when they find out that they are wrong and my judgement tells me that the average person manages to accept it and get it over.  but good lord, when i come to the realisation that i was wrong about something, whether it was a random thought or something that was carefully thought, i feel a deep anxiety and deep insecurity and eventually, i start to panic and cannot think at all, almost like i suddenly became an idiot or my iq score dropped my 30 points.   i am not sure why this happens to me and why i feel like i am personally attacked or feel like i am punched in the stomach when i find out that i was wrong about something   *(my judgement tells me that either it is because i was raised in a semi-strict background with pushy parents where if you are not on the right, then you are definitely on the wrong; or because i am someone who always took school seriously and when school events are involved like exams or even a classroom interaction, if you posted the wrong answer or the wrong statement, then that means that you are definitely wrong and you get a lower score and in turn, that score affects your self-worth and self-confidence in your ability on whether you are able to think critically)*  but holy fucking god, the fucking of insecurity and despair and the ultimate feeling of self-betrayal and shame just feels like i am somehow struck by lightning and i feel like i am shocked from the inside and cannot move or think or feel. as if my own brain is hijacked", "answer": "don\u2019t forget, sometimes people who say other people are wrong are wrong themselves. ", "topic": "anxiety", "post_id": "7yz1nt", "comment_id": "7yz1nt"}, {"question": "i[19/m] invaded her[19/f] privacy,now what?", "description": "my girlfriend is active the whole time on social network,and posts stuff and all,but she wont message me for like 2 hours.   and it happens often.   and she usually texts her friend or someone but not me.  but this time i got so nervous.  i got so nervous.   and please check my last post so you will know what im talking about.about the guy.  i just lost some trust in her.  so i did something horrible,i entered her messenger,and my message before 2 hours was the last one.  there was nothing new.  i quickly logged out and all.   but i feel so dumb.and guilty.i shouldn't have done that and i know i never ever will.  any advice? thank you. tl;dr", "answer": "no need to tell. just don't do it again!!!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u0iuh", "comment_id": "5u0iuh"}, {"question": "how tf do i deal with my ocd health anxiety when there is actually something messed up & painful?", "description": "i wouldn't say i'm a huge sufferer of health anxiety -- however, it has gotten me into quite a large predicament. i was hurting a bit from a nasty rear end accident years ago, my mid-back started clicking when i breathed deeply which really worried me, so i went and saw a chiropractor -- i didn't assess the risks, and even though my neck didn't hurt i had concerns that i possibly have a pinched nerve that was causing my shoulder pain. first time went fine, but i went a week later and... well, the adjustment to my neck went very, very wrong and actually caused a bulged disc and pinched a nerve... and i am in a whole world of hurt. it's been 10 months now and hasn't let up. what's worse, is that i think the botched adjustment did some considerable damage to not only one disc or ligament, but several.  now i've got real anxiety... and i'm just not sure how to cope. shooting electric pains, far, far more worrisome than anything else i've ever dealt with... and knowing that my one and only neck has been damaged is killing me inside. endless hundreds of hours of research on my condition... and knowing just how complex the spine is, is eating me alive.  it's all i think about... constantly feeling my neck and i am so, so worried about my current & future pain & suffering. the only option being thrown at me is epidural steroid injection (temporary relief with tissue damaging effects), and eventually fusion surgery. there's stem cells, prolotherapy etc... but everything involves needles & lots of poking... great.  goddammit -- i just don't feel like i have the mind that can really deal with these circumstances, and i feel so guilty for allowing this to happen.  having trouble accepting it and moving on, but how can i when the pain is a constant reminder?  i find myself flirting with the idea that i can actually change the past and go back to my happy, post-accident life.  feels like a literal nightmare.  anyone seen vanilla sky?  i feel like that guy.", "answer": "first of all i\u2019m so sorry this happened to you. it\u2019s understandable your ocd is worse given a new stressor popping up. this is normal. it sounds like your anxiety is about imagining how you\u2019ll be able to cope and feeling like you can\u2019t. i encourage you to be kind and gentle with yourself getting used to your new normal while working toward acceptance. my guess is that as you adjust there may be a lot of stressful changes but that you will figure out a way to cope.", "topic": "ocd", "post_id": "h7pcju", "comment_id": "h7pcju"}, {"question": "am i racist?", "description": "ok, i am genuinely looking to be educated.  i was on fb (i know...) and came across a post in a group called \"expose racists 2020\" and a woman made a post about how using white sage to smudge or cleanse in your home is racist because it is originally used by indigenous native americans.   so, i'm white. my mom was always kind of a free spirit/hippie type and as far back as i can ever remember, she would smudge our home, and us. i was raised to believe that it's a way to remove negative energies and make room for more positive.   so that being said, as i got older (27f) i have always kept sage around, and often burn it to smudge my home.   i don't want to be insensitive, and i want to know by continuing to sage my home, i am not being culturally disrespectful.   am i missing something important? i know a lot of white people, especially my festie friends and my hippie homies, that use it daily.   educate meeee. thanks!", "answer": "i don't think you're going to get a good unbiased answer here. there are many things that we do that carry internal biases, that seem normal. but how do you know that's not the bias talking? the only people who can determine if its disrespectful are the people who, in theory, might be disrespected by it.  i would encourage you to do your own research on the actual history of sage burning. specifically, seek out opinions of indigenous people on this topic.  people, especially white people, have a long history of taking sacred traditions from native people and turning them into more lighthearted or commercialized practices with no understanding of where they came from or why they're important, often cheapening them in the process. i think the least you can do is educate yourself on the origins of the practice.", "topic": "advice", "post_id": "helroo", "comment_id": "helroo"}, {"question": "i'm [21,f] insecure and don't think relationships last - i think this thinking might affect my relationship with my bf [21,m] in the long run?", "description": "hi everyone, i recently started dating a guy [21,m] who i had previously had a thing with, but it ended due to me not wanting to be in a relationship as i believed that relationships don't last (had just gotten out of a 2 year controlling relationship before this).   a year and a bit later, i realised that i was still in love with him and we started dating recently. everytime we talk about other peoples' relationships, he'd say how they've been together forever and are probably going to get married to which i'd disagree with him. i have also expressed to him my fears of this relationship ending and how when it ends  i'm going to be a huge unrecoverable mess. i think this mindset is going to ruin our relationship as it seems like i have no faith in us.   i'm head over heels for him and i do want to stay with him forever and i do want to marry him (which i have not told him yet as its too early in the relationship and didn't want to scare him off) but this thought is always nagging me. it's not helping that i see friends in 5+ year relationships suddenly breaking up and becoming strangers again - this simply reinforces my belief that relationships never last at this age.   i think it might just be insecure me trying to prepare for the worst and minimise the damage/pain it will cause if it actually does ever end? has anyone been through this and found a way to find reassurance or to think positively? i am tired of being worried and insecure about this relationship that i really want to last.   tldr; i believe that nothing lasts forever and that all relationships will come to an end. i want to stay with him forever, but this is always at the back of my mind. anyone else been through this and found a way to remove this mindset or to work through it? ", "answer": "the future is unknowable. every choice in life is based on the evidence at hand. make good choices, and the future usually takes care of itself.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6701jm", "comment_id": "6701jm"}, {"question": "any tips on how not to lose keycards?", "description": "**tl;dr:** i have a keycard that i use several times a day, but it doesn\u2019t have any holes in it, so i can\u2019t easily attach it to a lanyard. do any of you have any tips on how i can secure it to my person somehow so that i avoid losing it while still having easy access to it? alternatively, can you recommend any card holders or something?   okay, i\u2019m just gonna ramble a bit now because i need to vent a bit, too.   i almost lost it today because it fell out of the card holder on my phone. (one of those rubber stick-on card holder things.) i was talking on the phone while walking down the street. spent 15 minutes frantically running around outside retracing my steps before i found it; thankfully, someone had placed it in a visible spot on a ledge.   the whole process was unpleasantly stressful, and i\u2019d rather avoid going through it again, if at all possible.   in the mean time, i\u2019m keeping it in my wallet, but i can easily see myself losing it again at some point by just throwing it into my pocket loose and then accidentally sending it flying later when i have to fetch something else from my pocket. (unfortunately, i speak from experience.) or i might drop it down the gap between the elevator and the floor while rummaging for my keys. i\u2019ve had some uncomfortably near misses but i\u2019m very bad at being careful about these things.   the card holder on my phone was great when it worked, because i always have my phone with me. but it was slightly broken, which i guess made it hold the card less tightly, and now i\u2019m wary of using another one.  of course, losing this keycard wouldn\u2019t be the end of the world, but the replacement process is annoying and in the mean time i would be locked out of the building, which would probably end up happening at the most inconvenient time possible. in fact, if i\u2019d lost it today, i wouldn\u2019t\u2019ve been able to replace it until wednesday because of the limited main office hours clashing with my schedule.   anyway, i\u2019d appreciate any advice/suggestions. i guess i could always just search this, but i also wanted to vent. or feel free to commiserate if you have horror stories of losing or almost losing things, as i\u2019m sure we all do!", "answer": "my only thought, since it has no holes, is to get a plastic sleeve to put it in. you could then use it with a lanyard.  keycards are one of those things that cannot be 100% \"loss\" proof. at my work, i have it on a belt clip with a retractable wire (mine has a whole in it however).  ", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "7sa21c", "comment_id": "7sa21c"}, {"question": "can\u2019t sweat", "description": "this is not fake. i know it sound strange, but never in my life i have sweat. if anyone can tell me why, please do. been like this my entire life  15m edit for more info: ok. first of all, i do t smoke, do drugs, i take 10mg of meletonin to help me with sleep problems. no aclcohal. no visible issues with with. i weigh about 130-150 (been a while sconce i checked, do not have a scale) i\u2019m 50-50 irish and porta rican. no medical issues.", "answer": "please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. the more information we have the more we can help. it is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18m), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. for all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "fgowlo", "comment_id": "fgowlo"}, {"question": "my day to day life is being interrupted by paranoia", "description": "i'm not diagnosed or anything but lately (ever since my house burned down) i've been very paranoid.  about everything.  i can't sleep at night anymore cause i'm up thinking about what could happen next that could ruin my life.  like what if i my health got bad, or what if somebody broke in and killed me, what about a nuclear war, is the government watching me?, what about my loved ones what if something happens to them, what if i get robbed and shot at work, what if my house caught fire again, like these are just some of my daily thoughts and it's really had a toll on my mood.  i don't have insurance to see anybody about it and i'm just at a loss.  i know reasonably it's very unlikely for any of these things to happen but it's like one side of my brain is fighting againist my reasonable side and the unreasonable side always win.  i don't know what to do.  i don't want to live in fear. ", "answer": "some options:  1. meditation.  2. anti-anxiety meds.  3. talk therapy.  4. stop reading, watching or discussing the news.  5. stop smoking weed.  6. find a challenging hobby. 7. get a better job. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7t2mmu", "comment_id": "7t2mmu"}, {"question": "friday, 1st september 2017", "description": "a new month, new begging. time for change, better myself.   i've been given a second chance, i'll take it.  head down, work hard.   focus on good.  focus on myself.  focus on reaching my goals.   i can and i will take control of this horrible life.  i will become a better man, a new man.   ", "answer": "love your motivation.  it's all about momentum!  put in the work to get things moving, then keep picking up speed!  good luck and happy september!  -the web shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6xenf5", "comment_id": "6xenf5"}, {"question": "how do therapists repair relationships?", "description": "let's say a wife and husband are having a difficult relationship and have many disagreements but choose to see a therapist to try to fix the relationship   at a high level, how would a therapist go about repairing that relationship?  would a therapist help the two see their commonalities/similarities and the strengthens in each other?  as a therapist, i would ask questions like why did you two fall in love, etc to invoke those strong memories", "answer": "this completely depends on the problem they are having . there is no one solution.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g2sslj", "comment_id": "g2sslj"}, {"question": "need practical advice on how i'm supposed to make a living and move out in this situation [21f]", "description": "my boyfriend (26) and i (21) (ldr - europe) both have a hard time creating an income. we're still living in our parents' home (i live with my mom only), and we're living off the money our parents make. we don't make any money (apart from the occasional random euros). both of us have tried a variety of ways to create an online income and even spent time creating online businesses that match our skills, but we're unable to turn this into something stable enough to make a living. right now, we have absolutely no perspective on moving in together in our own (or rented, for that matter) home. :( it's just as if we were still kids or teens, but the frustrating thing is that we try very hard to be as financially independent as any adult!  another problem is that we also haven't been able to find a local job in our respective home countries (as opposed to creating an internet business - which would be ideal). my boyfriend has a bsc, but unfortunately in a field where there aren't many jobs. i, on the other hand, don't have anything but a high school degree. this has to do with the fact that i suffered from a very turbulent youth with a lot of social and emotional issues. i also don't have any job experience because of that, apart from the time i spent on my own, not-so-fruitful online projects. now i am double punished with a very low chance of finding a job! i already applied a number of times over the years (when i really liked the job), but was never lucky enough to get chosen.  my boyfriend and i are both extremely picky with the kind of job we would 'accept'. this is not because we have no goodwill, but (i can only speak for myself now) i am a porous and highly sensitive person. i either thrive in an environment or i'm out of balance and all my mental energy is absorbed. the warmth and friendliness of an atmosphere (or the lack of it) has a very absolute impact. with both my selectivity and lack of formal education / experience, i feel despair about the likelihood of ever being chosen for a job. what can i do about this? :( i don't want to come across as spoilt; i'm just not the average person...  then we also have the country issue with work: we'd have to choose one country to live in together, and we're considering my boyfriend's country. i only have elementary knowledge of his native tongue, so finding a job there essentially gives me a chance of zero. with my emotional sensitivity, i'm not going to work in a factory or be a cleaner. i could probably only work from home in his country. but as what, what would be stable enough? i have an abundance of creative passions that i can imagine myself turning into a business (think etsy), but it wouldn't be a predictable / stable source of income that we can blindly count on. just some lucky extra money. so, in that case my boyfriend would have to work a full-time job to compromise financial stability. although he says he would do that if it's indeed necessary, goodwill is still not equal to actually getting a job, and i don't know when he would start putting effort into that again... well, even when he was actively applying, he never got chosen, and i'm afraid it would go on like that. (i'm not judging him here - only the state of the job market). for now, we're both trying to create an income with the internet, even if it's unstable! so that we have at least something - if we succeed at all. i learnt a lot from my stupid mistakes in my earlier projects, now i just have to cultivate more persistence. i've kind of ran out of patience, so persistence is extremely challenging. i *involuntarily* want to see results very soon, which is kinda killing my success up to today... i (literally) can't afford these poorly planned approaches anymore, but i have to keep going on the internet - what else can i do?! anyway, what we want to see is enough stability to at least rent a (cheap) home, pay the bills and live a frugal existence. is that too much to ask for...? i've always wanted to become a young mother, but right now i can't even imagine us earning enough to decide to try get pregnant. the freedom for such decisions seems divine to me! while others (most) are living it. :( (i don't mean getting kids in particular, but it's one good example where money is involved...)  my actual question is: is there anything whatsoever we can do, if none of this works? what if we really find ourselves stuck for much longer? this vicious circle is driving me absolutely insane. i have desperate crying spells even while he's staying at my home, so it's obvious that the need for change is quite drastic. my boyfriend may be less upset than me, but it's not like he's tolerant anymore either. how can both of us be so unlucky? but really... where could we move to without any substantial savings? we can't just find a place to live without having a job first. i really hope there's someone out there with a serious idea. i'm even thinking of doing agricultural work and renting a part of a farm, or something like that. does anything like that exist? if only we could disappear from this society and enter a new civilisation... we got to have a realistic, feasible emergency plan.  a sincere thank you for reading this rant!! (i might not have chosen the best subreddit to post this in.)", "answer": "just get a job- any job, even if it feels like it's beneath you, or will drain you, or will be really miserable. i'm a very sensitive person, too, and have worked truly awful jobs. but a little job experience tends to open up slightly better jobs, and better, and better. i don't think i could have the great profession i have today if not for shitty low paying, humiliating jobs.  do your online stuff and craft stuff on your off time. ", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "37sayr", "comment_id": "37sayr"}, {"question": "meds without diagnosis. is this normal?", "description": "i saw a psychiatrist a few weeks ago and after 30 mins she gave me a prescription for vraylar and told me to come back in a few weeks.  is this normal?  i feel lile she gave me meds too quickly.   note: i had been in the er a month previously and given seroquel. i had talked to more people for longer while in the er.", "answer": "if you were in the united states, you were given a diagnosis.  you may not have been told, but if you've ever seen a psychiatrist, therapist, social worker, or been to a hospital for psych reasons, etc. and used any type of health insurance for mental health you have been given a diagnosis.     it's impossible to bill insurance for services without stating a mental health diagnosis.  you can always ask your provider for what it is the next you speak with them.  it's fairly common for diagnoses to be made and not discussed with patients unless they ask or there is some specific reason we find it helpful for them to know for their treatment.     more info [here](WEBLINK)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8pam9l", "comment_id": "8pam9l"}, {"question": "dear aspies of reddit, i am doing a lengthy research paper for my school on asperger's syndrome and am in need of your help!", "description": "hello there! i hope i am not intruding as i hope to take up a few minutes of your time.  at the moment i am enrolled in my school medical program and each student is to pick a syndrome/disease/medical condition to do a research paper on. my topic is \"how does aspreger's syndrome affect a person's social life?\"  my research paper would be enhanced if i could do mini interviews with individuals that have the syndrome, which is the reasoning behind this post.  reading on and on and learning from books about the syndrome has it's limits. i would like to better understand those with aspergers so if you do have time, would you answer the few questions i have?  1. when were you diagnosed?  2. were you the one that realized you were different from others?  3. how does it affect you personally?  4. how does it affect your social life (i.e. communicating with others, relationships, gaming, etc...)?  5. is there any good that has come out of it?  6. anything else you would like to say?   thank you in advance!", "answer": "1. age 29 (i am now 31) 2. people always thought i was weird, but i was the first to suspect autism 3. i am uncertain of myself in social situations most of the time.  i worry about who i should disclose my diagnosis too, especially now that i am approaching graduate school and a more professional life. also, asperger's syndrome is becoming a trendy/hip diagnosis, so i feel stupid telling people about it. 1. how does it affect your social life (i.e. communicating with others, relationships, gaming, etc...)? i am always afraid of saying the wrong thing, and sometimes i do.  i have very very few close relationships, even with my family.  there is only one person who i interact with daily.  as far as gaming goes, i love it.  it provides social interaction at a distance, so it is just right, and it satisfies my nerdy side (my two favorites are wow and dominion online) 1. is there any good that has come out of it? well, like many with as, my social ineptitude came with a high iq, so that is a plus.  having a diagnosis is great.  it allows me to be fairer to myself when looking at past failures.  i am also able to make realistic goals/plans according to my special abilities. 1. anything else you would like to say? good luck on your report,  those were some good questions.  i think it would be important to note in your report that asperger's syndrome will no longer exist as a diagnosis after may 2013, when the dsm-v (american psychiatric association's diagnostic and statistical manual, 5th edition) is released.  it will be absorbed into the \"autism spectrum disorder\" category (which is then rated from mild to severe)... those already diagnosed with asperger's will most likely be in the mild category.  respond to this post if you have more questions", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "13olj5", "comment_id": "13olj5"}, {"question": "what's the best way to handle being single when attending a wedding?", "description": "my older brother is getting married next week and i'm one of the best men. as a joke and bit of banter, i asked my female friends if any of them wanted to be my plus one. they all said they were busy anyway.  how to handle situations like this?", "answer": "plenty of people go to weddings single.  if you are single, it's generally one of the best places to meet people that might be worth dating.  generally everyone is having a good time, in a good mood, and open to meeting people they don't know.  talk to people you see that are sitting alone, not coupled up with someone.  ask them to dance.  you might find \"your date\" as someone else who showed up single too.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8uuj73", "comment_id": "8uuj73"}, {"question": "anxiety and depersonalization [22/m]", "description": "i recently ended up breaking up with a girl i was dating, we had our ups and downs, the blame for that mostly falling on me, asides from her insistence that i liked an array of people based on \"i can tell these things\". however for the last month(ish) things were going pretty swimmingly.  i spent roughly three weeks solid with her during a break from uni, which was fine all the way up to the end, and then out of nowhere i started to experience and inexplicable angst. in my head, i could only add up that i liked her, still think she's lovely, i was attracted to her, yet when with her i only felt distant and jaded to her touch. now, i feel like i'm kind of dreaming, with the only sign of these events happening being the weight in my chest.  as it turns out i might be being referred to counseling for depersonalization, and obsessive paralysis, where i focus so much on a situation that i'm unable to act on my thoughts, which really doesn't do any favors whilst someones looking at you for answers.  it ended pretty poorly, with me unable to explain myself, or what's up. the expected reminder of what an awful person i am was issued, and yet i can't even begin explain what went wrong. winning her back is a lost cause, mainly because of past mistakes but also because i can't seem to trust myself not to get her hopes up and hurt her again.  tl;dr need advice on dealing with angst and or depersonalization within a relationship  edit: corrections", "answer": "disclaimer: ymmv, i am not a licensed therapist  i'm in the last semester of a mental health degree. fwiw, i am unaware of anything called obsessive paralysis disorder. furthermore, dissociative identity disorder is incredibly rare and it is one of the most controversial diagnoses amongst professionals.   that is not to say that your problems are not real or that your current therapist/psychiatrist is wrong. i'm just trying to point out some potential issues if you have yet to begin treatment. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1byvbp", "comment_id": "1byvbp"}, {"question": "prescribed kolonopin. have i messed up? taken too much over time? scared of withdrawals", "description": "** as mentioned below i have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24. just looking for some advice/comfort here to help me last until then **  so on 4/5/18 i was prescribed .5mg of clonazepam (kolonopin) twice daily as needed.   i took half of a dose the first day, thursday (so .25mg) 1 pill on friday (.5mg) (4/5) 1 pill on saturday (4/6) 1 pill on sunday (4/7) 1 pill on monday (4/8) none on tuesday (4/9) 1 pill on wednesday (4/10) and then none until tonight, 4/16. i took half (.25)  (sunday - tuesday is hard to remember though, but counting my pills i have 54 left and i started with 60)  stupidly, i deceived to research how habit forming and addictive these can be and it\u2019s starting up my anxiety again. i didn\u2019t realize the long half life can actually make you more dependent and addicted.   i\u2019m now worried i\u2019ve taken too many and i\u2019m scared i\u2019m gonna experience withdrawal symptoms. i don\u2019t plan on taking one tomorrow, but i\u2019m worried about what is going to happen.   i have been prescribed benzos before (about 8 years ago) and used them very sparingly - they wound up expiring. that\u2019s how little i took them.   i\u2019m worried that me taking 6 in 12 days (some consecutively) of this benzo has / will negatively effect me.   if your experience have i over done it?? will i experience those scary withdrawal symptoms?  i do have an appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24 so i just have to hold off until then, but just to hold me over for the week i\u2019m looking for some comfort before my anxiety sky rockets causing me to want to take another (but i won\u2019t)   ", "answer": "it's extremely, extremely unlikely that you're going to go through withdrawal from taking a low dose less than daily on average for less than two weeks.  you'll be fine.", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "8csxo2", "comment_id": "8csxo2"}, {"question": "its success friday - what have you done this week you are proud of?", "description": "for me it was walking round the block wearing a 30kg weighted vest and carrying a 45kg sandbag across my shoulders.  i really didn't know if i could make it when i started out. i nearly gave up around half way but i made it. boy did that feel good.", "answer": "squats yesterday. i haven't decided what i will do today, seeing as my push and pull muscles are all sore. i might just go to the gym to stretch, do some like cardio to get the blood flowing.", "topic": "eood", "post_id": "3kj5to", "comment_id": "3kj5to"}, {"question": "not really sure what to do at this point.", "description": "to preface this, i'm using a throwaway account out of fear that friends / family might see this.  a while ago, a friend revealed that she had adhd. out of curiosity, i googled the disorder, and found that it really resonated with me. after lurking this subreddit for a while, i decided to set up an appointment with my physician.  to start things off, i mention that i strongly suspect that i have adhd to my physician, and she seemed highly unaware of the subject matter altogether (she didn't know what the \"hd\" in adhd stood for?). she started pressuring me for reasons. i ticked off some key symptoms. she then asks me about my performance in school. to provide some context, i'm a freshman in high school. my parents mandated that i took an easier courseload, as my middle school grades were not stellar (was bored and did not pay attention, much less do homework) and that they wanted me to \"farm gpa\" (not sure if taking an easier courseload helped, since i'm far less motivated to do homework now, but i push myself to work harder for whatever scraps of motivation i find). i replied that i get mostly a's in school, and she seemed impressed by the statement, and the rest of the appointment passes by in a blur.  in the end, she concluded that she believes that the problem is i'm not being challenged enough (which is false, as i find ways to challenge myself outside of school). however, if i want to be diagnosed, i have to get my teachers to fill out a questionaire regarding my behavior in class, something i'm much less than thrilled about.  i feel like an imposter at this point, and i'm not sure if i want to keep bugging my parents to make appointments with my physician. should i just let this subject matter drop altogether? should i get that questionaire filled out? should i see a new physician?", "answer": "find a psychiatrist who specializes in adhd", "topic": "adhd", "post_id": "a06iq7", "comment_id": "a06iq7"}, {"question": "how do i stop being an asshole?", "description": "i've noticed lately that i'm extremely selfish, vain and whiny. i have lots of friends, but i know most of them are getting kinda annoyed with my personality. i always create drama, i always whine, i always have something to complain about, i always debate politics and stuff like that and refuse to admit if i'm wrong. i never listen to friends' problems, instead i just talk about my own. i also appear way more confident than i am, so i think i need to tone that down and be more humble.   the only thing i got going for me is honest self-perception. how do i change my personality so that people would like me more? ", "answer": "one way to start remedying it is to work on making small changes to how you look at and treat other people.  as time goes on, those changes will compound as you keep working on them.    if you never admit that you are wrong, make an effort to change from having a debate to finding the truth.  alternatively, practice admitting that you are wrong about something at least once when discussing politics.  even if you don't feel that you are wrong.  even doing things like just noticing and acknowledging when someone has made a good point can help.    you say that you never listen.  that's a really good area to start working on.  it can be a perception issue, \"people aren't as good as me and their lives are not as important\" or it can be \"i've got so much going on that i can't spend the effort on others\".  in either case, one thing that you can do is to work on connecting with them more.  work on noticing a couple of things that you like about the person.  why are they important to you and your life?    really, the complaining all the time can also be solved by just taking a step back and trying to put other people in the spotlight.  what good things are happening to them?  what fun things have they done?   what difficulties have they faced?  try to figure out what their lives are like and try to find ways to connect with them.    therapy might not be the worst idea in the world for you.  there are probably some reasons that you have developed this attitude and way of interacting with others.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3z0wv6", "comment_id": "3z0wv6"}, {"question": "just finished the camino de santiago in my 9th month of sobriety", "description": "checked in with my sponsor every day worked hard on my sobriety and had the most amazing experience of my life. the last time i went abroad i was drinking like mad in the airport on the plane and returned to work drunk and the chaos got worse as it always did. anything is possible iwdwyt", "answer": "well done. i hope it was an amazing experience. also something i hope to do. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "952g0r", "comment_id": "952g0r"}, {"question": "\"diagnosed\" with somatic symptom disorder, but confused as to what that means (20f)", "description": "    20f, 5\u20192\", 115 lbs, white.     current complaint: pelvic pain, fatigue, neurological (?) symptoms.      current medications: levothryoxine 50 mg, lamictal 200 mg     existing medical issues: hashimoto\u2019s, endometriosis, benign brain tumor.      i don\u2019t drink, smoke, or do drugs  hi! i\u2019ve been having some debilitating health symptoms for a few years.  first, i started getting fatigue around 17 years old. this continued into college.   *  tests were ran & it turns out **i have hashimoto\u2019s**. i\u2019m on medication on it & my levels are normal now, but i\u2019m still very fatigued.    second, i began to get pelvic pain. i stopped birth control and subsequently sex became insanely painful, had severe bloating, & daily pelvic pain.   * i got laparoscopic surgery & **they found endometriosis**. it was excised, but pain continued. i\u2019m now in physical therapy for it. i\u2019ve had to drop out of college and it\u2019s basically ruined my life.  then, more recently, i started getting either neurological (or anxiety?) symptoms. dizziness, headaches, vision issues, would dissociate & nothing around me felt real.   * i went to a neurologist and a **mri showed a benign tumor in my frontal lobe**. he said it could be causing partial seizures so i was put on an antiepileptic drug. it\u2019s helped a bit but not completely. i\u2019m getting a follow up mri to make sure it hasn\u2019t grown.  ​  so i have reasons for all my symptoms. **but** **i have seen many many doctors & nothing really helps**. it's distressing & has overtaken my life. i've tried so many medications and treatments with basically no success. i\u2019ve seen \\~10+ doctors.   **my pcp suggested i have somatic symptom disorder.** he said its common in young females & he believes i have it due to seeing numerous specialists, not responding well to treatment, and my anxiety. i looked it up and i\u2019m so confused- the symptoms are physical and real, but psychological? so theoretically, you could wake up blind one day with no explanation & it could be psychological? that doesn\u2019t make sense to me...  anyways, i'd have no problem admitting some of this could be due to some mental health issues, if that\u2019s the case. this has caused a lot of anxiety in my life, but when the fatigue/pain started i wasn\u2019t anxious at all. **& i have explanations for most of my symptoms, right? but treatment isn\u2019t working...idk, i\u2019m confused. please help explain this to me**", "answer": "somatic symptom disorder is when the symptoms are real but the distress and impairment is out of proportion to the symptoms and underlying problem. functional neurological symptom disorder, formerly conversion disorder, is a different problem. that's the one where symptoms (including but not limited to, classically, seizures or blindness) are entirely psychological in origin.  it's beyond me to know whether your response to symptoms is outside the ordinary. knowing whether you have refractory disorders is up to specialists who treat those disorders. since you've been diagnosed with endometriosis, and since endometriosis can explain both pain and fatigue, i wonder what management you currently have for that and who you follow up with. you mention no medication for it.  the neurologist who found the tumor and started lamictal\u2014did he or she diagnose definite seizures? did you have an eeg done or clear descriptions of past seizure activity?", "topic": "askdocs", "post_id": "ebhodz", "comment_id": "ebhodz"}]